


Hunger of the Pine

by kalika_999



Series: Sleeplessly Embracing You [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Modern: No Powers, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst and Humor, Artist Steve Rogers, Awkward Boners, Barebacking, Blow Jobs, Bottom Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes-centric, Bucky is blasphemous, Cocaine, Codependency, Come Eating, Crushes, Deaf Clint Barton, Dorks in Love, Drunken Flirting, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Fist Fights, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Grief/Mourning, Happy Ending, Harassment, Homophobic Language, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Insecurity, Jealous Steve Rogers, M/M, Manhandling, Masturbation, Nightmares, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Physical Abuse, Pining, Platonic Cuddling, Protective Natasha Romanov, Protective Steve Rogers, Recreational Drug Use, Rutting, Separation Anxiety, Slow Burn, Slut Shaming, Steve Rogers Feels, Suggestive Themes, Switching, Threats of Violence, Tony Stark Does What He Wants, Top Bucky Barnes, Top Steve Rogers, Trauma, Vomiting, good guy Rumlow, protective Brock Rumlow, slow burn like slower than slow hella slow
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-13
Updated: 2018-02-26
Packaged: 2018-04-14 03:30:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 36
Words: 981,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4548624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kalika_999/pseuds/kalika_999
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve Rogers didn't ask for this.  In a perfect world he would have been married after graduation.  Had some kids, had a nice home with a place in the back for his art and a job that would leave him set for life.</p>
<p>Instead, he got a small cramped apartment, a dead end job, a boyfriend he didn't know whether was coming or going..And then, there was Bucky Barnes, hanging outside his sixth floor window.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The way we were

**Author's Note:**

> =This story starts out a Stony but leads to a slow burn (understatement) Stucky.=
> 
> I made [StarSpangledBucky](http://archiveofourown.org/users/StarSpangledBucky/) pick a number, she (of course) picked my number lol ಠ_ಠ;; I also realized this starts on hers and Seb's bday <333
> 
> 13\. 'you found me hanging by my fingertips from your window and i don’t want to tell you i was trying to rob you but idk how else to explain this and i don’t want to go to jail and also you’re kind of cute we should make out when i’m not clinging onto your window ledge for my life’ au
> 
> Started as a drabble now we're here.
> 
>  
> 
> ***Updated once a month, earlier if possible***

**Late August, 2015**  
  
  


Steve was spent, his body worn. The entirety of his week was stuck at work and nothing else. He finally got a few days off and he was begging for them. The only plus side was the extra cash but he wondered if that was really worth the sacrifice of his sanity.  
He dropped his coat and backpack on the worn tattered couch, slipping off shoes in some random direction he wasn't going to worry over. His muscles felt sore and tired. He paused at a slight shuffling noise across the way. The walls so thin he shrugged it off immediately. He peeled off his tight grey shirt, slinging it over his shoulder, his fingers undoing his belt in the darkness while he moved through to the bedroom. Moonlight brushing along his low hung jeans, his blue eyes gazing over to the open bedroom window.

_Wait. Open?_

His eyes narrowed slightly, venturing forth to the sill, curious to find fingers clutching tight. Puzzled, he leaned his head out to see a brunette hanging off his window. Frantic eyes peering this way and that, his boot barely holding his footing on a brick that was jutting out. _Damn I’m on the sixth floor whats this lunatic doing?_

"Hello?" Steve knew it was stupid but what else would he have said?

Blue eyes looked up and blinked, "Oh shit. Fuck thank god, can you please help me up? Please?"

Instinctively Steve reached out then suddenly paused snatching his hands back, “Wait, why are you outside my window?”

The brunette looked down then back up, as much as he was scared, the blond saw embarrassment bloom over his features, a small sheen of sweat coating his face.  
“Uh, well. You see..” He pulled himself up slightly to adjust his grip on Steve’s window sill, eyes flickering to the ledge, then up back up to him. “I was kind of robbing you heh. You scared me, showin’ up early so I tried to go out the window completely forgetting you were on the sixth floor with no fire escape.”

Steve frowned, both hands pressed at either side of the window’s frame, “Yeah that’s because its at the other corner by the kitchen.”

His thief shrugged to keep his hold, boots scraping along brick a half grin appearing on his face, “Thanks I’ll uh remember that for next time.”

_Did he really make a joke? Who is this guy?_

Steve released a long tired sigh. He leaned forward to wrap his left hand underneath the brunette’s armpit, his right arm hooking with the other armpit. Bracing himself against the wall below the window. With the help of the mystery man he pulled him back inside, dropping his would be culprit to the floor. 

“Ow, damn. Thanks.” He pulled himself off the floor, brushing off a tattered zip up hoodie with a band tee and black jeans. “I almost saw my life flashing before my eyes and stuff." He nervously brushed his hands through his loose mess of short brown wavy hair, finally lifting his eyes to look at the blond. “Hey I just um, wow. Wow damn you’re gorgeous."

Bucky _really_ didn’t mean to blurt that out. He really didn’t mean to. Steve had always made him really nervous. Apparently after a few years he was still successful at doing it to him. Bucky figured it was a passing phase and now his big mouth proved it wasn't. It was one of the reasons he never talked to the guy. Here Steve was now standing in nothing but a pair of low rise jeans, no shirt, no shoes, his belt undone, the leather just hanging. He was built like a brick wall. Fuck was he nervous now. 

Steve frowned, folding his arms over his bare chest looking quite annoyed as he should be. There was something very familiar with him but he couldn’t for the life of him remember what it was. Granted he had just finished a long thirteen hour work shift and his brain wasn’t operating at its usual speed and capacity. Plus those after work shots. He also had somehow not noticed the light was off. 

_Wait. Did he just call me gorgeous?_

Bucky slung his backpack onto one shoulder wanting to make out of here as fast as he could. He really never got anything, and blurting that line was the icing on it. Dang he wanted out faster than Superman folding on laundry day.

“We’ve met before, haven’t we?” 

_Shit. SHIT SHIT._

Bucky half smiled half grimaced, eyes sweeping to look around out the window his hand nervously scratching trimmed but dirty nails along his unkempt scruff,  
“Yeah I guess. Sorta. We went to high school a few years back in what 2011?”

Steve thought long and hard for a moment, shifting his eyes over Bucky’s face, then to the ceiling then back to his cute face, watching his fingers drumming that bottom lip of his waiting for him to say something back.

_Cute face?_

“Bucky..Barnes..right? AP Art class, yeah?” 

His would be criminal thief nodded, brightened a little too excitedly, “Yeah, yep! AP Art class.” 

There were other classes, mostly stuff Bucky would skip out on, or hide in the back corner behind the text books sleeping. Steve was always there, paying attention, paying no mind to Bucky’s existence. AP Art class was the only class Bucky would open up with Steve. Steve was always painting, Bucky preferred sculpting its what got him into the advanced version of the class in the first place but he always tried to better himself with paints while Steve was there. Steve was quick to help him with techniques and lighting. Bucky only got a high mark in that area because Steve taught him so well, their teacher for the most part got high in the back room and told them to do whatever they wanted since they had a course sheet of projects already set out for them. Bucky still remembered after those few years how Steve would rest his hand on Bucky’s to guide his brush with thick long strokes. Bucky’s hormones raged at the innocent gesture, his face fighting to keep straight in a room full of people, his skin growing hot. The only time Bucky had any sort of balls to touch Steve the way Steve touched him was when the blond had asked for pointers on sculpting. Even then Bucky was in his own element not thinking of it as an advantage to him, his clay covered fingers guiding Steve’s to cinch and contort the clay on the potter’s wheel explaining how to handle the medium to do your bidding.  
He had always admired Steve’s hands. They were strong and built for heavy work. Heck his whole muscular physique was built for work but he was gentle and kind, thats what brought out the artist in him. They would spend days together helping each other with their mastered mediums; Bucky learning how to take the sunset from Steve’s eyes and bring them to life on a canvas. Steve learned to sculpt Greek gods with jaw dropping detail. Bucky was proud of him, proud to bring more out of him. It made him like him even more. Unfortunately the year had ended, they had graduated. They gave each other false promises to call and make plans for a road trip or maybe go visit the Pantheon in Italy. Bucky never did call, he tried but he was too scared. Steve never called him and Bucky took that as his only answer to everything that they had.

Steve had been pinching the bridge of his nose, gesturing and talking when Bucky snapped out of his trip through memory lane. The blond’s eyes looked back up at his blank face, his brows raised as if he had been waiting some sort of answer to a question Bucky obviously didn’t hear.  
“Sorry, what?” 

Steve pursed his lips,  
“Are you telling me you heard none of that?”

Bucky smiled sheepishly, giving him a weak shrug,  
“Sorry, I have a horrible attention span. I was remembering stuff back in AP, it just came back.”

Steve’s features softened slightly but he was still tense, Bucky finding it rather hard to concentrate on the man’s face when he was wearing no shirt. Really hard to concentrate.  
“I was saying why me? Its not like I have anything worth it to steal except maybe my art supplies.”

Bucky felt a wave of guilt run over him. He wasn’t entirely honest about that either. Nervously he played with the ends of his zip up, fingers fumbling over the frayed edges. His eyes swept along the floor chewing his lip in thought,  
“Yeah well that was just a dare. A stupid dare. I hang out at the park across the street.”  
He quickly gestured to it outside the window then went back to what he was saying,  
“And my friends man they’re so damn stupid. I mean I’m caught in your apartment I’m so fucking stupid, yanno..well I was just, no Nat was just saying she knew you lived there and we were talking about high school and shit. To cut to the chase they dared me to swipe something. I was gonna put it back later, really I was. Please don’t call the cops on me or anything. You can check my backpack, I didn’t take anything. Originally I picked your door lock, really shitty. I would get it changed if I were you.” Damn him to hell if he was going to admit Nat dared him because she knew he had a hard on for Steve Rogers in high school and looking at him now, still does.

Bucky was completely flustered, Steve felt mildly bad for the guy. His body language was awkward, nervous and fidgety like he was ready to bolt out the door at any moment and he wouldn’t blame him if thats how he was really feeling. 

He remembered him back then, they were helping each other with their final grade art projects. He was fun, great to be around. It was different than the other times he saw him usually quiet and kept to himself, brooding or asleep in the back. In art he seemed excited and eager and Steve was more than happy to teach him how to paint. In return Steve was humbled to be taught how to use clay. He was horribly awkward with it when he had tried once before, making a hopelessly lopsided vase that he took home to use as a water container for his paint brushes. His mother raved and ranted over it, wanting to take it and use it as a vase for some fresh flowers but Steve knew she was only humoring him. He loved that about her, she always made him feel _good_. He decided to keep it with him and remember that it wasn’t _so_ bad. When Bucky appeared, he was mildly awestruck. There had been numerous pieces in the back room of the giant art class as well as upstairs in the loft area. Sculptures of human figures and ornate vases with intricate designs. The name on the card was always the same person. _Done by James Buchanan Barnes._ Of course when he introduced himself as Bucky it didn’t click right away. Steve pointed out a piece he liked a lot. It was predominantly displayed all year round in the schools main hall labeled the _Fall of Icarus_. It was always calling to Steve, always attracting him to it. He loved Greek mythology so much so he wanted to meet the person behind it. Bucky had laughed at him when he pointed it out. Laughed so hard at him when he suggested that maybe Bucky knew the person that did the piece since they had the same last name. Laughed so much his face burned red and so had Steve’s when he admitted he would love to have this mystery person’s talent as his own. Bucky doubled over and Steve became further embarrassed wondering if admitting to loving art that much really was the wrong thing to say out loud, especially to Bucky since they had just met. He waited for the brunette to wipe his tears away, coughing and apologizing for his outburst. He playfully jabbed his finger into Steve’s shoulder, a few chuckles still escaping from his cherry red lips,  
“Do you really haveta meet him?”  
Steve stared at him, mildly offended, awaiting some smart aleck response from him after nodding. Bucky grinned, pulling a worn black leather wallet out from his back pocket. His lips quivered, trying to stifle the laughs he held thumbing over cards. Finally he retrieved one and passed it to Steve, their school ID imprinted on it with Bucky’s picture and the name _James Buchanan Barnes_. Steve stared hard at the card, honestly wondering if this was some kind of joke. Bucky never really seemed like the type to have the ability to craft work like that, never seemed to have a goal or patience with that kind of detail in mind.  
Bucky finally calmed, reading the bewildered look on Steve’s face, smirking knowingly,  
“Yeah I get that face a lot. My nick name is Bucky.”  
That was the moment Steve knew he was going to like his new art friend.  
For Steve, when they had graduated he did want to travel with Bucky, see all kinds of art. Though they never really hung out outside of art class he felt like Bucky was enough of an art enthusiast to travel and see it around the world. It was something Steve had really wanted to do, something he aimed to do. He was stupid though, they had exchanged numbers but Steve lost Bucky’s in the wash. School was over and none of his friends knew how to contact the social outcast Bucky Barnes. He began to work so he could save up on his goals and life carried on.

“James! Are you there?!”

The brunette peaked out the window, throwing a small wave towards a red headed girl. She raised a skateboard back at him, “We’re going to Brock’s house to party you coming?! Screw the dare!”

Bucky gestured to her to hold on, turning back to Steve as he glanced out the window then back to him, “I haveta go get my board. Look I apologize. I never meant no harm, I was just being stupid and stuff.”

Steve gave him a small smile and nodded, “I should go take a shower anyway..”

Their gaze lingered for a moment, only broken when Natasha cursed down in the alleyway evidently talking to another one of Bucky’s friends in the darkness.

Bucky nodded finally and shouldered his backpack, blue eyes clear and bright in the cast moonlight. They had both suddenly realized their whole interaction was in the light of the moon, some poetic scheme of things they didn’t know about at that moment. 

Steve turned to flip his bedroom light on, Bucky giving him a half hearted smile, “Well like I said, I’m sorry. See you around Stevie.”

Steve watched Bucky walk out of the bedroom briskly, his own body frozen his mouth unmoving. He heard his front door unlatch and he finally started to move forward, his hand bracing the bedroom door way. “Hey Bucky, wait!” 

Bucky stood still, door swung open. His head turned in question. Steve admired the way he looked, the darkness brushing along his upper body while the light of the hallway bloomed over his lower half. 

“You can come back here later if you want. I mean tomorrow, not tonight since its already after 10pm and all.”

Steve rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, staring out the window, “I lost your number when you gave it to me back then. I threw my jeans in the wash, when I remembered the ink was gone. I tried to find someone who knew you but we weren’t in school anymore and my friends weren’t your friends. You know? You didn’t even call me, jerk.”

Bucky’s lips spread, a large smile melting across his face. His eyes beamed, he looked _relieved?_ Or at the very least quite happy. Steve was amazed by it, like the male had a light switched on inside of him. The brunette gave him a nod, “Sorry I didn’t call ya. I lost your number too, punk.” The brunette definitely wasn’t about to let him know he was waiting for his call. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow then Steve.”

A pleased smile appeared over Steve’s face, “I’ll see you tomorrow Bucky.”


	2. THE Tony Stark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Steve paused for a moment, smelling the air, “Bucky, are you high?”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Cover](https://40.media.tumblr.com/0e3f668fd4c354add1b8c1bc8993839e/tumblr_nwzczokkUL1uyvt5to1_500.jpg)

**Late August, 2015**  
  
  


Bucky strolled towards the building, butting out a joint he was finishing off into the pavement. He stepped towards the panel of door buzzers, carefully reading each one off while he fixed his hair against the reflection. His mind felt calm and relaxed, mainly thanks to additional help but still a little flighty. He knew if he had left it as is, he might blurt more stupid crap before he even made it inside the apartment. He could already imagine Steve opening the door, probably dressed in a casual tshirt that would be one size too small for him and maybe some jeans and instead of a hello Bucky would just blurt out that he looked better almost naked.

_Fuck my life._

He hated that power Steve had. He never acted like a complete moron in front of other people, well not by accident. He thought about it all last night and all day today about how idiotic and stupid he felt bumbling around last night in front of the guy. He never went to pieces unless Steve was around; sure he would manage it fine on the outside but he was utterly thrown off inside fighting to play it cool. The only way Steve seemed to relax him was when enough time had passed through that awkward phase, the phase he was in now. It was never going to leave completely but this was the road that was going to make him miserable until he could leash his anxiety around the blond.  
He mumbled the apartment number then inputed it into the number pad at the corner silently waiting for the ring to go through then the click of Steve answering.

“Hello?”

“Hey, it’s Bucky.”

“Oh hey Bucky! Come in.”

Bucky suddenly wished Steve wasn’t home. That he came at the wrong time. That.. _something_. There was a soft buzz and the brunette immediately pulled open the door and let himself in. He took the elevator up, dread weighing heavier on his shoulders now, his reflection showing pale skin with slight bags under minor bloodshot eyes. He was entirely sure he looked like absolute trash, dressed in his favorite black jeans, his black boots, his Led Zeppelin shirt with a hole in the corner and of course his black zip hoodie. Steve didn’t seem to care much about his appearance but suddenly Bucky felt really _awkward_.  
The happy chime of the sixth floor woke him up, his hands nervously pulling his sleeves over his knuckles feeling distressed. 

_Don’t make an ass of yourself. Don’t make an ass of yourself._

Bucky turned the corner and winced. There Steve stood in all his glory dressed in a white way too tight tank top and grey sweatpants. He flashed Bucky a grin, giving him a wave and Bucky nodded while his hands formed into uneasy fists within his sleeves. Arriving to Steve he waited for the male to enter his own apartment first, eyes dropping to the back of his sweats and nodding to himself silently thanking whoever had created those pants in the first place. Bucky closed the door behind him finally getting a good look around Steve’s apartment. He never really bothered when he was in there last night, more nervous about finding something random to grab that he wouldn’t miss for a little while. It was obviously small but well suited for one single person though with Steve’s frame it may seem a bit too small. 

“Did you want to drink something?”

Bucky pulled off his hoodie, tossing it on the arm of the couch. He quietly wandered around the room observing paintings Steve hung out as well as photographs. He glanced over at the blond, watching him text something away on his phone, a smile gracing his chiseled features. Bucky knew that look all too well. A wistful smile, having no idea someone else was in the room with you. The brunette snorted to himself, going back to looking around. ”I‘ll have whatever you‘re having.”

There was a delay, more texting.

“Two beers it is.”

Steve grabbed two beers from the fridge, turning to glance at Bucky. The brunette had fixated himself on his current work propped up on the easel. Popping the tops, he approached to stand beside Bucky, passing him his beer.

“Who is it?”

Steve smiled gently at a blond sitting with her back turned to the viewer, her head tilted to look over her shoulder with a peaceful smile, “My mother. It makes me feel better to paint her when I get the time.”

Bucky raised his brows with a nod, taking a long sip of his beer before looking over at Steve staring at the painting in thought. Bucky lightly nudged him with his elbow and Steve turned and nodded, “So, you up for a movie?”

“Depends on what movie it is. Some of the ones I remember you listing back in the day were truly horrible.”

Steve paused for a moment, smelling the air, “Bucky, are you high?”

Bucky looked at him, mouth of the bottle pressing lightly against his bottom lip, brow raised before he just shrugged sheepishly, “Sorry, and if you’re about to give me a lecture about the downside of smoking pot save it, I hear it from everyone else already.”

Bucky moved around the couch, dropping down on it, awaiting the lecture anyway as thats what would usually happen. Steve quickly walked around, dipping down beside him, “No, no way. I was going to ask you if you had some on you still.”

Bucky froze, his eyes rolling to the side to glance at Steve, the blond’s body completely facing him. Steve wanted to get high? “I never took you as a smoker. Of course I have some still.” 

Steve smiled, clapping his hands together, pulling himself off the couch, “Okay, I got a bottle of tequila, limes in the fridge. That good with you?”

Bucky glanced up, grinning. He was a little surprised at Steve but it wasn’t bad not that Bucky had a reason to really think Steve was all wholesome and straight laced. He just _seemed_ like he was which probably was the point. He retrieved a bag of joints he had rolled prior silently congratulating himself for thinking ahead even though it was mainly for later incase he decided to crap out on visiting Steve. Steve came back with two shot glasses as well as a salt shaker and a bowl of cut up limes. His phone buzzed again and he looked at it, the same dopey faced look appearing again. Bucky would vomit if he saw it a third time.

“Am I interrupting? If you have a booty call, or like a boyfriend or girlfriend you gotta meet I can come back another time.”  
Bucky hoped he didn’t sound annoyed. 

Steve stared stupidly at his phone for a few seconds then looked up at Bucky staring at him awaiting an answer but Steve quickly shook his head, “No, no. He was texting me for tomorrow. We’re fine. Nothing going on tonight.”

“So he won’t show up seeing all this and freak out? I don’t feel like getting into a random fight with someone’s boyfriend." 

Steve’s eyes widened, “Oh no! He doesn’t come by much. I work so much he always calls before dropping in. You’re completely fine Bucky." 

Bucky relaxed, he was in no mood to be labeled a home wrecker by some juicehead or whatever Steve was dating. He had enough misadventures with that already in the past, it got really old really fast. 

Steve held up a movie case, “Inception good?”

Bucky lit one of his joints nodding, “I’m surprised you picked a good one this time.”

Steve laughed softly, pouring out and passing him a shot, “C’mon I don’t even remember half the movies I told you about, I’m sure they didn’t all suck.”

Bucky coughed out a laugh, exhaling before passing it to Steve, “No, they were all pretty terrible. I only know this sticks and the others didn’t.” He licked the side of his hand, extending it for Steve to put some salt on it. He shot the alcohol back and then bit into the lime wedge savoring the sharpness. 

Steve watched Bucky casually, admiring him with a smile. He wasn’t sure when the last time was when he could sit beside a friend and just unwind. Granted it would seem a little weird from yesterday, especially from yesterday but Steve honestly didn’t mind. The Bucky he knew a little in high school didn’t seem like a horrible person and it just really felt like they had just taken out a bookmark from their story and continued like nothing was wrong. Generally his life was just work and sleep, rinse and repeat. On his days off he painted or grabbed a coffee or movie with Sam to catch up or maybe have time for his relationship. He took a quick shot before taking in a long drag, holding while he reclined himself back on the couch, passing it back to Bucky.

The movie ran its first hour in and Bucky’s brain continued to buzz. Steve had sprawled his legs out along the floor with no care, his back sunk deep into the couch staring at the screen with his features glazed over an almost empty tequila bottle on his lap. Bucky had given up on the movie pretty soon in, mainly because he wanted the chance to do a little Steve watching for himself. He wasn’t sure if it was the amount of pot he smoked earlier or maybe the couple of shots gone with it but Steve looked really different against the light of the television. Not in such a bad way, no. Slouching into the couch so fluidly, feet spread out against the floor, he just looked like he really needed that. The brunette reached over and took the _whatever number this was at_ joint not caring too much that he had completely turned his body now to watch him, the side of his head pressed fondly against the back of the couch. Now he had that dopey look on his face that Steve wore earlier. He stared as the blond stirred to take another swig from the _second?_ bottle. 

“Bucky.”

Bucky’s blue eyes immediately looked towards the movie pretending to be interested in it, “Yeah?”

“C’mere. I wanna cuddle.”

Bucky went to move but his brain balked, the warm buzzing in his head stopping while his brain worked overtime to send out a message that it was probably a bad idea to listen to Steve.

“No, you’re drunk Steve or high something.” The brunette muttered out, trying to sleepily pop his elbow on the back of the couch for his head. He shifted to face the tv again, trying to keep his eyes open, feeling hazy and light. He didn’t turn when Steve shifted, assuming the male had grown tired of sinking into it. 

Bucky was not prepared for a large muscular arm to come around his side, pulling him into a wall of hard flesh. He blinked a few times, feeling disorientated for a moment. He was far too stoned to deal with this right now, trying to shake his head out of the muddled foggy feeling he felt. He realized he had been brought into Steve’s frame, half leaning uncomfortably forward to accommodate Steve’s reach. Bucky felt the slow rise and fall of Steve’s chest, his heartbeat went up slightly. Oh god he could live right here all fucking day.

“Mhnh you’re weird when you’re drunk Rogers. Who cuddles people?” he managed to mutter out making a pitiful attempt to get out but he was gripped in by Steve’s arm tightly. 

“I like cuddling, no one cuddles anymore.” Steve drunkenly let out.

Bucky shifted to turn so he could lay against Steve with his back, stretching his legs out to dangle off the couch. If he was going to be stuck trapped in his arm he sure as hell would make himself comfortable. Bucky kicked his shoes off, wiggling his toes under a black pair of socks. 

Bucky was suddenly more _aware_ , feeling Steve breathing against his back, half of his upper chest pressed there. Bucky surprisingly really enjoyed being cuddled but being arm locked into his high school crush without a means of escape was slightly unnerving. Granted this _was_ Steve but being manhandled was not something Bucky much enjoyed by anyone. His arms felt so heavy, so tired, trying one more time to push Steve’s arm off his ribs, tilting his head to the sound behind him of Steve coming in and out of snores.

Great.

Bucky managed to fumble his cellphone out from his jeans pocket, flipping through to send Nat an SOS. A pleasant chime happened, 

_**Nat**_ : What’s up?  
_**Bucky**_ : I need you to come get me from Steve’s. Now.  
_**Nat**_ : Why? What happened?  
_**Bucky**_ : I’m fucking stuck under his arm, he has a vice grip or something. He’s passed out I can’t tell Natasha help me 

Bucky impatiently waited for a reply, Steve now fully snoring away behind his ear, his head tilted into Bucky’s. Good god he smelt like alcohol, pot and after shave. It was making Bucky feel warm and distracted.  
He looked down at the sound of the phone chiming again, 

_**Nat**_ : And? Isn’t what what you wanted?  
Bucky rolled his eyes.  
_**Bucky**_ : Not like this. Are you going to come?  
_**Nat**_ : Nope. Have fun with loverboy.

Bucky groaned, not able to think of anyone else that would actually try to come and help him out. It was much too late, he was much too high. The snoring became more ongoing, Steve pressing his head harder against the back of Bucky’s. The brunette gave up, settling in the best he could before giving in to sleep.

 

Steve awoke to a dulled pain in his head, the dvd menu looping on the television. He blinked a few times, trying to remember the course of last night, half chewed lime wedges strewn along his tired coffee table. Beer bottles laying or standing around the floor and table. Salt shaker on the floor beside two empty tequila bottles. His left arm slightly tingled when he tried to move it looking down to finally notice it twisted in an awkward way to keep Bucky tightly to him. The brunette’s head pressed against his thigh as he currently slept. Steve frowned to himself, pretty sure from the red mark around Bucky’s ribs where Steve’s arm had lifted his shirt that he kept him there like that most of the night. 

Steve rubbed his eyes warily with his free hand, embarrassed that it had only been the second day and he already made an ass of himself. He was going to make sure to profusely apologize when he awoke. At least he had a moment to look down at Bucky sleeping, his face rather calm and the light bags under his eyes made Steve think he might have really needed a few winks. He finally managed to lift his arm without the dead dull pain following it, just a slow ache, his fingers lightly grazing Bucky’s arm. Steve smiled a little at the lopsided way his head of hair fell to one side, not being able to help himself run his fingers through the soft chocolate. Bucky murmured under his breath, shifting to curl up tighter against the couch his cheek rubbing Steve’s thigh. Steve only shook his head with a laugh, gently shaking Bucky by his shoulder, “Buck, wake up.”

Bucky snorted softly, groaning a little as he came to. After a few seconds his eyes shot open, peering over to look at the blond then out towards the light coming from the window.

“Steve?”

He forced himself to sit up, rubbing his side; lifting his shirt he noticed the red welt turning his head to glare at Steve who only looked at him sheepishly. “Remind me not to drink with you, you’ll crush me with your arms.”

Steve shrugged, “Sorry I forgot I had a cuddling thing.”

Bucky pulled himself off the couch, stretching his arms over his head, “You have more than a cuddling thing Rogers, you were manhandling me. I couldn’t get out of your fucking grip.”

Steve pursed his lips feeling foolish as Bucky examined the mark again. He finally turned around with a smile on his face, lightly hitting Steve in the chest, “Stop pouting, you get that stupid duck face when you really feel like you fucked up. You didn’t, it was just weird that’s all, not used to being held down and forced to go to sleep. Next time we do that I’ll know better. I’ll bring a taser.”

Steve laughed, prompting Bucky to laugh, “I’m really sorry about that.”

Bucky only waved it off with a wide grin, pulling his hoodie over his head, “I’d tell ya to take me out to get a coffee to make up for it but I have to get some stuff done. My friend Clint needs help moving. Some knucklehead’s Christmas lights caught on fire and it burned through some apartments. He’s fine, he wasn’t home but we gotta scavenge what we can and move him out of there today."

Steve raised his brows, “Do you need any help?" 

Bucky shrugged, “Clint really didn’t have much stuff. He’s one of those guys that doesn’t really keep too much as long as it supplies him with basic needs. We should be good with one swift comb through unless you want to tag along, though I bet you have other things you could do.”

Steve smiled up at him, “I guess I should hit the gym today. Hey but tomorrow is my last day off before I have to work again, if you’re not busy drop by.”

Bucky moved towards the door, a wider smile spreading across his face, “Don’t you know there’s a cool down between first and second dates Rogers? Come on now.”

Steve looked over at him from the couch snickering, “I can’t wait that long if its a great one.”

Bucky nodded agreeably, “Touché.” He swung open the door, biting down on his lower lip in thought then nodded again, “Then I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Do that.”  
  
***

Bucky approached the building to Steve’s apartment, nodding a thank you when someone held the door for him. He had flipped to his phone again, a text from Steve confirming he was still up for him to drop by whenever he felt like hanging out again. Reaching the sixth floor, he arrived at his front door, giving it a quick rap before waiting. He replied to a text, his head raised only when there had been no answer. He gave another knock, his hand turning the door handle. The door was unlocked, confusing the brunette. He peeked his head inside, “Hello?”

The lights were on, the television showing something Bucky was finding annoyingly loud. He frowned, letting himself in. “Steve? It’s Bucky.”

Shower wasn’t going on, bedroom door slightly ajar. Bucky furrowed his brows.

Was he still asleep?

There was no time like the present to find out, making his way through the short hall to the bedroom, giving the door a gentle shove. To say that he didn’t expect to see what he thought he would see was the understatement of the year for Bucky Barnes. 

Bucky’s eyes widened, in a horribly comedic fashion,  
“Holy shit.”

Steve immediately looked up, his eyes glassy, sweat coating his entire body, his blond hair matted against his forehead. If this was at any other time Bucky may have been inclined to help a guy out. No, not at this moment though. Finding him half sprawled on all fours completely naked facing his direction on the bed was a fantasy that didn’t work at this moment. Time had just frozen the situation for a second, Bucky’s look of astonished surprise plastered there permanently. His eyes looked behind Steve to his dark haired boyfriend who was not too terribly worried about who was watching what he was doing then. The brunette’s gaze returning back to Steve who’s features had become a mixture of surprise, pleasure and panic.

Bucky turned on his heels not wanting to see anything else, his face deepening crimson. He was pretty sure Steve called out his name but he wasn’t waiting for an answer. He was moreso cursing himself for walking in on shit. He barely realized he was taking the stairs two or three at a time his feet clamoring to get to the first floor as quickly as he could, fuck the elevator. He threw his body into the heavy back door way, rolling over it and onto the back alley his legs pumping towards the park. He slowed down once his friends were coming into view, the playground and skate park closely parallel to each other. A pair of familiar heads at the picnic table watching others do general tricks and moves. A cool breeze felt nice on his flushed skin, collapsing himself onto the picnic table after tossing his backpack on the grass.

Natasha had been sitting on the table itself quietly talking to Clint who sat beside her on the bench seat, her brows raised over at Bucky huffing and puffing. “What’s your problem? I thought you were going to see Steve, he kick you out that fast?”

Bucky heaved, resting a hand on his chest, mouth hanging half open while he looked at her, shaking his head. “He was getting..plowed, I...fucking walked..right into it..god..”

Natasha let out a giggle, her green eyes ablaze with amusement, “I’m surprised you didn’t join it.”

Bucky let out an annoyed groan, rolling to lay on his side, staring out towards the apartment buildings. His breathing soon calmed itself down enough for the brunette to relax. He sprawled out on his back over the table top and shook his head finally to Natasha’s remark, “No thanks, you know who was doing him?”

Nat was intrigued, generally she wouldn’t care. She barely knew Steve but if Bucky was saying it, Bucky most likely really had an opinion of the person, “Who, pray tell?”

“Tony fucking Stark.”

“Wait! WAIT. What?!” Clint burst out suddenly, stopping what he was doing which was next to nothing. The blond pulled his legs out from under the table surface, turning to get out of his seat, “Are you joking me? THE Tony Stark?”

Bucky tilted his head, staring straight at the blond with a nod, “THE Tony Stark.”

“He’s gay?”

“I don’t think so.” Natasha piped in. “With all those women he probably needs some beefcake in between.” 

Bucky rolled his eyes tugging his hood over his face, hoping the world would end. “Don’t care if Steve is fucking, but why’s he gotta be fucking Stark?”

Natasha jabbed her finger into Bucky’s side, “One, you do care if he’s fucking because you want him. Two, that’s what life gives you. The shit you don’t want.”

Clint chuckled, “That’s way too hilarious to me. You finally get back to being friends with this guy and his boyfriend is the billionaire playboy.”

“It’s not that funny Clint, shut up.” Bucky muttered under the clothing material feeling worse with every moment. 

There was no one main reason he disliked Tony. He didn’t really know him directly. They said hello to each other a few times at things they would both be at but Tony never remembered him and that was alright with Bucky. In all honesty better than alright. He chalked his dislike down to just not liking a person. People did that, didn’t they? His opinion of him only worsened after the new discovery because of course as Natasha put it, life gives you the shit you don’t want.

Clint pulled the hood off Bucky’s sombre face, the blond’s own obnoxious one inches from his. The brunette squinted his eyes, trying to focus on his friend’s stupid features sighing with obvious annoyance. “What?”

“Stop being depressed. I do that enough for the both of us. So what if he’s doing it with Tony. At least you get to be friends with him again right?” 

Bucky rolled his eyes, pushing Clint away so he could sit himself up. He stretched tiredly, letting out a low yawn, “Yeah whatever. I’m over it.” 

He pulled himself off the table, Clint and Nat exchanging looks. He didn’t look at either of them, palming his pockets for a stray cigarette, he never really smoked but his mind was racing and he felt like kicking something, “Don’t either of you be looking at each other like that, I know you fucking Wonder Twins better. I’ll see you guys later.”

***

Steve stared up at the ceiling, laying out under the covers of his bed. He had memorized each crack for a while now, immediately recognizing when there would be a new one. His blue eyes looked to his side, Tony next to him texting away, sheets pooled around his naked torso, his dark hair falling over his eyes while he quietly nodded to himself leaning into the wall while he sat up. “So why didn’t you lock the door when you came in?”

Tony didn’t answer and Steve frowned. Bucky walking in was the last thing he really wanted happening. He had completely forgotten to tell him he would be busy and he was pretty sure Bucky got an eyeful. 

“So what? Your new friend saw you naked, who cares?” he finally piped up, his dark browns widening over something on his phone.

Steve glared at the brunette, moving his head to rest against Tony’s side after a moment, frowning further to himself. “He didn’t just see me naked Tony, we were having sex. That’s kind of awkward on a higher level of accidently seeing your friend naked."

Tony only shrugged, finally pausing from his phone to reach his hand down grasping Steve’s clean shaven face to make him look up at him, “And I looked damn good behind you I bet!” Before Steve could complain further he flashed the blond a grin and gave him a quick kiss. 

Tony climbed out of the bed, Steve taking the moment to admire his backside while the billionaire shimmied back into a pair of black boxer briefs and blue jeans. 

“Do you really have to leave now?” Steve whined out, shifting to lay out on his stomach.

Tony whirled around, sliding his black tshirt over his head, an expression of regret over his face. He fastened his watch, leaning in to mess up Steve’s hair. “I gotta work Babe. Have to meet up with Bruce in the labs, got a new prototype. He’s been waiting over there for a while.”

Tony leaned in, giving Steve a long deep kiss which only made the blond whimper over his departure even more. It lasted only a few seconds but to Steve it felt like forever. His brain momentarily felt warm and fuzzy, moving to sit up when he played back the last thing Tony had said.

“Wait, new prototype? Doesn’t that mean you’ll be working for days..again?”

Tony pursed his lips with a nod, shrugging on his leather jacket while he fixed his dark hair in the mirror, “That’s what usually happens.”

Steve made a face, “Is this how its going to be between us? You just come by whenever you want something and I just wait around.”

Tony held his sunglasses, rolling his eyes, “No, not this again. You know I can’t do anything better right now Steve. I have to run the company. Bruce and I are constantly busy with testing and ground work.”

Steve nodded, “Yeah I know, just wish there were a few days for us. You know?”

Tony leaned in, planting another kiss on Steve’s lips, his hands gently pressing down on the blond’s shoulders, “How about this. Give me about two weeks to work through the data I need and the tests, then you and I will go out to see an opera and go to that french restaurant you love.” 

Steve crinkled his nose, “You love that french restaurant, I said I liked it.”

Tony raised a brow thinking for a second, “Oh, right I love that place. Well are you against going again?”

Steve lifted his hand off the bed, fingers delicately stroking Tony’s facial hair before pulling him in for another kiss, “Of course not.”

After Tony had left Steve reached over for his phone, immediately calling Bucky to apologize. He rolled over onto his back, peering up at the ceiling listening to the third ring before he finally answered. “What’s up Steve?”

Steve laid there, suddenly unaware of what he really wanted to say and very aware he was naked even though it was a phone call. He immediately pulled the sheets over his body, clearing his throat, “Hey Bucky. I was just calling to apologize about earlier. I completely forgot about Tony visiting and Im really sorry he forgot to lock the door and that I didn’t text you about it.”

There was a long pause, Steve checking the phone to see if he was still connected to the call. 

“Don’t worry about it Steve. Wouldn’t be the first time I walked in on a friend having sex. Probably won’t be the last.”

Steve chuckled, running a hand through his hair, “So, if it doesn’t weird you out or anything. Did you want to meet up for food? My treat?”

There was that long pause again, Steve began to feel like Bucky was too uncomfortable to reply, “Yeah sure, where do you want to meet up at?”

“There’s a diner a block from my house called Vera’s, want to meet there in about an hour?”

“Sure, see you then.”

He glanced at the phone, Bucky ending the call before he could say goodbye. His brows knit together in worry that Bucky may actually not feel at all fine with what happened and eventually just end up not speaking altogether. Steve brushed his fingers along his forehead silently praying that whatever discomfort he gave him, it would be gone as quickly. 

Bucky hung up the phone, tossing it on the pillow next to him.  
“Fucking Steve Rogers.”  
He sunk back down into his covers, thinking about the phone call. His bare chest slowly rose and fell, soft blue eyes focused on past thoughts. His tongue grazed along his bottom lip. His hand wandered back underneath, eyes squeezing shut after a groan escaped his mouth. Bucky dug his head into the pillow, his hips arching under the sheets as he let out a low laugh, turning his face to muffle it into the blanket. He bit down on his lower lip, cursing Steve’s name again.

***

Bucky had made it with a few minutes to spare, immediately spying Steve looking down at his menu then occasionally peering around then at the door, their eyes meeting. His features shifted from a puppy dog look of confusion to a bright grin. Bucky couldn’t help but match the expression, pushing the door in to enter. He approached the booth, sliding into the seat across from him. Bucky took a few minutes to look around at the decor, noting the jukebox to the side and all the seafoam green surrounding them.

“Glad you made it. I was worried you wouldn’t show up.”

Bucky laughed, leaning back in his seat, “Why?”

Steve glanced away, laughing at his menu, “You know why.”

Bucky only smiled wider, grabbing his own menu to skim through it, “Because I’m THAT kind of guy.” Bucky smirked behind the menu, “Plus its not like you look horrible.”

Steve immediately blushed, lightly kicking Bucky’s shoe which only made the brunette let out a short laugh.  
A waitress appeared, taking their drink and food orders, Steve straightening up as soon as the feeling of awkwardness disappeared for him. Almost immediately the woman came back with Bucky’s coke, scurrying away again. 

“So, what happened with the rest of your day?”

Steve raised a brow in confusion then nodded, “Oh you mean with Tony? He had to go back to work. What did you do?”

Bucky shrugged, shaking his head after taking a sip. “Nothin. Did some sculpting thats about it.” Bucky thought about some other sculpting he did afterwards, a small smirk creeping along his face, shifting to let out a fake cough. 

Steve didn’t pick up on it, moreso brightening at the point of Bucky mentioning art. “Really? So you still sculpt?”

Bucky nodded, “I’m also trying to work on marble but thats been weird to say the least. I’m sure I’ll get the hang of it eventually."

Bucky looked up to see Steve marveling at him, causing him to feel mildly unnerved. He wasn’t used to attention, well he was more not into attention. He enjoyed being in the shadows of life and left alone. The way Steve was looking at him right then made him feel adored and it seemed to sit oddly with him. He looked over when the waitress came over with Steve’s milkshake, giving them both a smile before walking off again. Steve swirled his straw around in the thick pink drink, his fingers plucking off the strawberry sitting on the lip, “You want this Bucky?”

Bucky’s face scrunched, making more of a disgusted face than he should of, “I hate strawberries.”

Steve’s face shifted to curiousity, taking a bite, “How can you hate strawberries, they’re so good.”

Bucky frowned, watching with a shrug, “Probably allergic to them, I don’t know. I just hate them.”

The blond watched him sit back, taking another sip of his cola, his eyes moving to the room. He didn’t press, though finding the new bit of information rather weird but then Bucky wasn’t too by the books. 

“So what is Steve Rogers doing nowadays aside from making friends with guys hanging out windows and being a drunk cuddler?”

Steve grinned, shrugging his shoulders, “I work at the bar over by the movie theaters, maybe you’ve heard of it before its called Nicks’s.”

Bucky thought for a moment, recalling that he had been there a couple times before but never seeing Steve. He would have remembered. “Yeah I’ve been there but I guess never when you’re working I guess.”

“You? Work? School?”

Bucky looked at him blankly just giving his head a slow shake, “Neither. There’s an art school I may study at but there’s some things I have to do before I even look at it. I figured you would be enrolled in some art school.”

Steve smiled, “I thought so too. Unfortunately being an adult means you get curve balls thrown at you.”

Bucky opened his mouth to reply but stopped when the waitress brought their food over. He raised a finger to her before she left, “I’m actually starving, could you bring me a slice of pie as well please? Steve you want pie?” 

Steve raised his head from looking down at his food, “Oh yeah I want pie too.”

The woman pulled out her order pad, “Is blueberry alright for the both of you?”

Bucky peered over at Steve nodding and he smiled to the lady, “Can you add a glass of milk too?”

The woman nodded, a small appreciative laugh escaping her, “Sure thing Sugar. I’ll be back in a few minutes. Enjoy your meals.”

Steve watched Bucky curiously, hearing him mutter that he could eat a horse right now before popping a few fries in his mouth. The blond smiled, picking his burger up.

 

It began to drizzle when they left the diner, Steve retrieving a small black umbrella from his run down brown satchel. Bucky eyed the bag for a moment before pulling his hood over his head, shoveling his hands into his front pocket. “What’s in the satchel?”

They both began to walk back towards Steve’s place, he glanced over at his bag then back to Bucky staring out straight ahead, “It’s mainly for my sketchbook. I always keep it with me in case I have an urge to draw. You want under my umbrella?”

Bucky turned his head, giving him a simple smile, “I’m good. Thanks for the meal though, I can never say no to a cheeseburger and pie.”

Steve chuckled, “It’s really the least I could do. I felt really awful about earlier. Also, to be clear, asking to take an extra bite out of my dessert doesn’t give you allowance to eat most of it on top of what you ordered.” 

Bucky only laughed, the rain picking up into a shower the tuft of hair peeking out from beneath his hood had already matted against his wet face, a crooked goofy smile fixed on it as well.

Steve could see his building in the distance, his hand shifting his bag closer to his front so rain wouldn’t soak into the bag too much. He glanced over at Bucky keeping pace with him, lost in thought. They continued in their comfortable silence towards the building entrance. 

“Are you coming up? I could make us some coffee, watch an awful movie. No booze this time, I promise.”  
Bucky’s face shifted to uncertainty, Steve bracing for a refusal when the brunette suddenly nodded, smiling at him. “Sure, why not?”

Inside, Steve rummaged in the cabinets, bringing back a pair of towels for them. Bucky pulled his hoodie off, toweling his hair into a mess of bedhead, parking himself beside Steve on the couch.  
“So you and Stark huh?”

Steve lifted his head, a brow raised, “You know Tony?”

Bucky gave him a look, bursting out in laughter. “Seriously Steve? You think I wouldn’t recognize the man who’s on millions of billboards?”

Steve blushed, going back to dabbing the towel over his bag. 

“I never pinned you for liking assholes. Well thats not what I meant, but you get it, besides isn’t he into chasing all the skirts?”

Steve scoffed, smirking a little, “He is, but sometimes he’s chasing me and I let him.”

Bucky shook his head, spreading his arms out against the back of the couch, “You have a weird type Rogers.”

Steve didn‘t lift his head, “Speak for yourself. You’re the one that called me gorgeous, remember?”

Bucky laughed louder, his head falling backwards against the couch, hand folding over his face, “Oh I fucking forgot! Fuck. Well at least I admit it. I’m not hiding with a womanizer.”

Steve smiled, looking over at him sprawled out, “You’re also a dick. Don’t forget that.”

Bucky peeked through his fingers, giving him a wink, “Never said I wasn’t.”

Steve chuckled softly, finally putting his bag away realizing their friendship wasn’t on the rocks as he thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to thank pizza for all your help.
> 
>  
> 
> There was a prompt about xmas lights starting a fire, welly well StarSpangledBucky


	3. Your toes are in my ass crack.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two weeks pass. Steve receives a reprieve from life. Bucky is full of odd surprises. Sam and Natasha share a common interest. Clint would be naked if you asked. Tony isn't a villain. Loki doesn't know when to shut up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I'm so late but the length is three times what is should be so this is split up to two chaps for easier reading. *shifty eyes* Hope you enjoy.
> 
> BTW thank you for the kudos and comments and your patience :)  
> [Cover](https://40.media.tumblr.com/0e3f668fd4c354add1b8c1bc8993839e/tumblr_nwzczokkUL1uyvt5to1_500.jpg)

**Early September, 2015**  
  
  


Steve glared at his phone in annoyance. Tony was canceling. Again. He growled angrily to himself, taking the subway staircase down two steps at a time. The sound of the train pulling in forced him to walk faster to the tracks. He’d be damned if he was going to miss getting home because Stark was too busy nailing something other than him. The oncoming breeze from the opposite train ruffled open his pea coat, his worn patent leather shoes making dulled sounds on the cement. 

_Thanks a lot Tony. Waste my time getting all the way downtown now I gotta go back home. Ass._

The train doors opened, Steve giving one last angry look at the text message on his phone cementing his decision to head home, alone again. 

“Hey Steve!”

Steve immediately looked up, Bucky waving at him while he was sitting one of the seats lining the wall inside the middle of the train car. The blond brightened a bit, tucking his phone in his coat pocket. He raised his hand to give the brunette a wave, “Bucky, hey!”

Steve rushed to get in and head over to sit beside him completely missing the old lady and her small shopping cart, his shoe clipping one of the wheels. Bucky’s happy face immediately shifted to surprise, Steve trying to frantically grab for the railing and missing completely. 

All Steve heard was the loud sicking crack of his teeth slamming into each other and momentary blackness, his eyes squeezed shut. Pain blossomed around his chin, a throbbing sensation immediately kicking in. He let out a groan, moving his face to rest on whatever was to his side, just a second, just a small second was all he needed. Bucky shook his shoulders and called his name.

Steve finally opened his eyes and immediately regretted taking that mere second of rest. The side of his head resting against Bucky’s thigh, the male goofily grinning down at him, “Boy Steve, if you wanted to get between my legs all you had to do was ask.”

Steve burned completely red, forgetting the dull ache in his mouth and chin, forcing himself to pull away from the male. His blue eyes quickly darted around in embarrassment, someone sleeping near the back, some people sitting closer but not interested in his predicament and the old lady looking at him with a small smile seemingly looking to see if he was okay from his spill. He turned back to Bucky, getting up and slumping himself into the seat next to him releasing a low sigh. He tilted his head back into the glass behind him, eyes shut just gathering himself. He didn’t have to look, he knew Bucky was grinning like a fool just staring at him. 

“Sorry about tripping into your lap.” he finally breathed out.

Steve listened to Bucky let out a chuckle, he was sure the brunette was grinning wider which only made Steve feel more foolish. 

“Don’t be so uptight Steve! You tripped, no big deal. I’m sorry you cracked your chin on my knee. I was trying to catch you but apparently we both messed up.”

Steve only nodded back hoping this was the end of his crappy day. He gave it a few minutes before opening his eyes again. Bucky was leafing through a newspaper not really reading it, his eyes blankly skimming through it before handing it back to the old woman with a wink. He watched Bucky’s skateboard roll back and forth underneath his Van’s boredly returning his gaze to Steve. He flashed his million dollar smile at him, his hood pulled over his head though his wild hair fell over his forehead in retaliation. 

“What’s up? You look like I got something on my face.” Instinctively Bucky scrubbed a hand around his face, trying to look at his reflection in the glass. He removed his cover combing his fingers through his hair, glancing left then to his right pushing his lips out, pale blue grey eyes dancing across his image in the window. 

Steve had to grin, his mouth and chin stung a little but he wasn’t missing teeth or broken any bones so he knew he would be alright. “You didn’t have anything on your face. Was about to ask what you were doing on the train.”

Bucky sat back around, pressing himself against the wall divider and his seat so that he could look at Steve properly and lean at a corner angle. “Me? Visiting a friend.” 

Steve wasn’t sure but that glow on Bucky’s face seemed to dim a little, his eyes sweeping to his hands then back ahead of him before he smiled, peering over again. “What about you Steve, what were _you_ doing? You looked really pissed before I called your name, like you were about to murder someone.”

Steve shrugged, “Tony canceled,” His eyes met Bucky’s calculating for a moment before continuing the sentence, “again.”

Bucky let out a low whistle, “Stark’s loss. And look at you, looking like a million bucks too.” 

Steve straightened up a bit, feeling a dust of blush on his face from feeling embarrassed but appreciative that at least one person liked that he put effort into dressing up for his date or whatever it was. He had torn his closet apart trying to find his dark blue v-neck cashmere sweater to pull over a dark blue colored plaid shirt and black tie. Tony making plans with him to go out were so rare and far between that he wanted to look his best especially when Tony was the one that bought him the sweater in the first place. He sighed inwardly when he remembered waiting for over 20 minutes before Stark even bothered to send him a call, no a _text_ telling him he wasn’t going to make it.

Bucky looked at him carefully, watching the blond get lost in his head. He wanted to tell Steve that if it was him, he would have canceled everything just to make that date. He raised his brows up sucking in a deep breath, his brows going down after letting it out, his face partially turning into a frown eyes glancing at his hands. He smoothed them over the front of his black jeans, tapping his fingers lightly over the material. He was too much of a coward to tell him, especially with Stark calling dibs on him and Steve being all puppy dog over the guy. No, it was easier to pretend everything was fine the way it was and just stay friends, he enjoyed that and he wasn’t going mess up a good thing.

The train stopped at another station, Bucky raising his head to the name that was on the wall. He brightened quickly, turning his head to Steve moping in his seat. He playfully elbowed him, “C’mon Steve, who cares? How about this, I take you out tonight, it’s still early. I’m not dressed for it but you shouldn’t have to waste all that time you took for nothing.”

Steve made a face mulling it over, Bucky knew he was just feeling sorry for himself so he pulled at his coat, “Unless you want to be a girl and cry in some ice cream at home. I bet you’re starving. We can go eat at Romano’s and catch a movie. My treat.”

Steve perked, but only a little. 

Even with that slight look, Bucky knew he got him with the restaurant. Steve had been blabbering about the Italian five star restaurant for forever to anyone that would listen and even pulled Bucky into a conversation or two about it through texts. 

Blue eyes stared at him carefully, “How can you get into Romano’s? Isn’t it a three month waiting period for reservations?”

Bucky knew what Steve really meant was, _‘How can you afford it?’_ he wasn’t stupid. Steve always had the same pensive _how do I ask him without sounding like a dick_ internal monologue look on his face whenever some sort of money subject came up or he got something that Steve knew wasn’t from a thrift store even back in the day. Steve would find out sooner or later but for now he had fun making him wonder who Bucky Barnes really was.

“Don’t worry about it Stevie. I know the owner, he said I’m welcome to come eat there whenever I felt like it. Trust me.”

Steve looked perturbed, the train slowing down to their next stop. Rolling his eyes at him, Bucky let out a huff, “Fine, whatever. See if I ever offer to take you out again Rogers. I’m going to eat, I’m fucking starving.”  
Bucky pulled himself up from his seat, pulling up his board. He fixed his hoodie and jeans before pulling his hood back over his head to protect himself from the autumn chill heading towards the doors while the train pulled into the station.

Steve pursed his lips, angry at himself for being so down in the dumps about Tony standing him up. He got himself up, following Bucky to the doors, “Aw Buck, wait. I’m sorry. You’re just trying to cheer me up and I was wallowing over getting stood up. You’re a good friend. Thanks.” 

The doors slid open, Bucky giving him a beaming almost knowing smile which Steve happily reciprocated. 

 

Bucky hadn’t been lying when he said he was on the ins with the owner. A portly man rushed to greet him, wrapping his arms around Bucky as if he was a long lost son. Steve stood quietly observing Bucky be all smiles and sunshine to the man, catching up on some things that Steve wasn’t really listening to. His eyes were more on the way Bucky carried himself and the sparkle in his eye that seemed to be so genuine, like he enjoyed each and every conversation he partook in. He had a way about it Steve could never pinpoint, it was a charm that was much more than anything he had ever noticed before. Steve came back to earth when he saw Bucky point at him and gesture to step forward, Steve immediately putting his hand out, “This is my pal Steve. We used to go to high school together. We just started talking again a few weeks ago, he’s a huge fan of this place so I figured I would bring him over.” 

The man who actually was Romano, Carlo Romano to be exact, greeted him with open arms instead of a handshake. Steve tried his best to exude the happiness Carlo seemed to be bringing out, hugging Steve tightly while Bucky grinned behind him. “Any friend of James is a friend of mine! Good to have you come see us!” 

He pulled Steve over to Bucky and led the pair of them through the full tables towards a back corner table awaiting the pair of them. “Sit, order whatever you both want, don’t be shy. I’ll send some wine over, I’ll get you both fed.” 

Bucky put his arms around Carlo again, the man giving each of Bucky’s cheeks a fat kiss then told him to say hello to his parents for him and skittered off to greet other patrons. 

Steve took the moment to look around at the building’s luxury. They weren’t kidding when the magazines said it was made in splendor. It was decorated in rich creams and fine reds in soft threads of gold, pictures hadn’t given it justice to how refined it looked inside. He spied a few Italian sculptures at the sides, recreations he was sure but amazing none the less. It was the art on the walls that really caught Steve’s fancy. This wasn’t department store art. They were actual paintings, actual commissioned copies to mimic the original. He really wanted to look and see the details in them but he followed Bucky instead, seating himself across from him at the private table. The place was small, not made for a grand fare of guests but that possibly was to keep the gathering comfortable and low key. Put their best foot out and present only the best dining experience. The lights were set low, obviously bright enough to see but the soft glow effect immediately gave off a warm intimate feeling. Even the table settings were simple but it was the details. The rich red cloth twined with gold accentuating the fine silverware and crystal. He was taken aback at how extravagant it had made itself without being over the top. It was soft and subtle, sparking complete appreciation from Steve.

Bucky grinned like a cat that ate the canary, a waitress bringing fresh warm rolls for them with a smile before running off again. The brunette grabbed one and bit into it, still grinning like a fool while Steve removed his coat, letting it rest on the back of his chair. He looked at Bucky, unnerved. His grey blue eyes watching him with a glint.  
“What do you want me to say? I’m sorry for doubting you.”

Bucky only grinned wider, holding the roll with his teeth while he tucked his board under the table and clawed off his hoodie. Steve glanced around, a few surprised looks at Bucky’s worn and tattered appearance. His hair a complete mess. He was sure people were questioning if this was some sort of date from from hell. Almost instinctively Steve shrank in his seat while Bucky stayed unaware of his surroundings. He fixed the collar of his blue striped polo tshirt, a large hole in the armpit. Fixing his hair with a quick swipe, he sat down, finishing off his roll. He studied Steve’s slumped shoulders, his mouth idly chewing at his index finger while he gazed at particularly nothing. “Are you embarrassed to hang out with me Steve?”

Steve was caught completely off guard, his head snapping towards the brunette. He was frozen in his seat, his hands balling into fists on his thighs. Bucky’s eyes were darker, curious. He stared dead into his eyes wanting an answer. Steve secretly thanked the stars when the waiter came with the wine, pouring them both a glass before setting it down between them. Bucky let out a curt thank you to the man but he never left Steve’s eyes. 

“Why are you asking me that Buck? We’re here, aren’t we?”

“We’re here because I got you into this place. I could easily say that you are using me to get in here.”

Steve swallowed hard realizing Bucky did notice him sinking in his chair, judging him because others were judging him. Now Steve felt like more of an asshole than he did on the train. It really wasn’t him. When they were in school Bucky wore the exact same clothing and Steve never bat an eye about it. He was too busy sharing ideas with him and helping each other. Some of his friends made a crack about it once, saying Bucky was prolly homeless or crashing on Nat’s couch but Steve had set them straight, letting them know quite clearly that if they decided to carry on they could count Steve out of their circle of friends. Now years later sitting across from him, he was embarrassed at himself for judging Bucky. 

Steve reached over and rested his hand lightly on Bucky’s, “Bucky, I’m sorry. I’m being a royal asshole. You should know I’m not using you to eat here. Sometimes I forget who I am when its easier pretending to be everyone else.”

Bucky’s eyes flickered to Steve’s hand on his, gingerly drawing it away before meeting his gaze again, “Okay, yeah me too. I just got defensive suddenly. I figured out of anyone you wouldn’t be judging me. I know all these superficial assholes look at me and go why is he sitting here? Which is why I like surrounding myself with people that don’t give a shit. I think you hang around Stark too much.”

Steve frowned for a moment, knowing Bucky had said that on purpose to get back at him. He didn’t reply, knowing he deserved it. He also knew he was probably right. Tony showed him the finer things in life he couldn’t afford. With Tony nothing was impossible. He did anything and everything he wanted to do and Steve wanted in on that life. He rather enjoyed being pampered and living the life when Tony was around. It made him feel really _good_. Though now with Bucky’s sudden arrival into his life over two weeks ago, he got a new friend that told him like it was just like Sam did. It only cemented opinions he never asked for or aimed to make him feel better when he was let down from doing something he truly wanted to do. The one or two times Tony tried to make Steve feel better from disappointment involved spending money, it was nice but it was _hollow_. He appreciated Bucky’s honesty even though sometimes it hurt, Sam did the same thing and he realized Bucky was quickly becoming someone he wanted close to keep him grounded.

Bucky was watching him long and hard, slowly sipping his wine, wondering and waiting for him. His head tilted just a touch, the dark rings around his eyes gave him a smoldering look Steve wasn’t sure was supposed to happen. Steve opened his mouth to say something but another waiter cruised over asking to take their order. The blond had completely forgotten to even look but Bucky was ready in wait, a smile returning to his wine stained lips. “Mr. Rogers would like the sunchoke-pochini soup and I’ll have the wagyu beef carpaccio for starters. After bring us the house special ricotta gnocchi for me and he wants the linguine nero. We’ll wrap it up with the short rib chianti classico and I’ll get the ossobuco style lamb shank. Thank you.” 

The waiter nodded, jotting down the orders then took off again.

Steve maybe should have felt offended or weird but he was impressed instead and it happened to be all over his face, which only made Bucky smirk.

“I assume this isnt your first time here? How’d you know what I would want?” 

Bucky shook his head, “Nope, I eat here once in a while when I’m in the neighborhood and you’ve told me a couple times what you’ve wanted to eat here if you ever got the chance to experience it. I listen Steve, I may not look like much but I tend to pay attention, though kind of works in my favor when people underestimate me.”

Steve felt his face burn, feeling like a total idiot, “I’m really sorry. You’re right about the Tony thing. I’m used to him waving around money and stuff. You get in that headspace and its pretty fake and superficial. I shouldn’t look down at you for the way you dress because you’re not what they think you are. You’re actually, pretty amazing.” 

Bucky’s features softened, his turn to glance away feeling embarrassed, “Heh Rogers. Stop flirting with me just because your boyfriend stood you up.”

Steve froze for a moment, then laughed softly, “I’m being honest here Jerk. You’re a really good friend, I feel like a loser saying this but Sam is my only real friend. You know aside from Tony. You seem to be coming close behind my best friend which is sad if anyone looks at me because I only met you again few weeks ago when you were trying to rob me on a dare.” 

Steve gave him a smile after Bucky apprehensively looked at him again. “I think if one day I went to the park and you were there we would have struck up a conversation and been fast friends again that way too. It feels like we never stopped being friends, as stupid as that may sound. I’m just saying you keep me grounded and I really respect your honesty.”

Bucky quietly chewed on his bottom lip. He had been leaning in by then, an elbow propped on the table, chin resting on a half formed fist, watching Steve while he spoke. The blond gave him a smile, sitting back in his seat to let Bucky know he was finished.

Bucky’s hand finally dropped, rolling his eyes to pour Steve and himself another glass of wine, “Geez Steve, you’re a major sap, but thanks. I like you too though don’t expect me to lay it out like you do.”

Steve smiled wider, alright with that. He nodded to Bucky, picking up his glass, “To friendship?” 

Bucky let out a small laugh with a shake of his head, clinking his glass to the blond’s, “To fucked up friendships.”

 

Night time had quickly encroached upon the both of them while they eaten, Steve slipping his hands into his coat pockets with a full stomach and a simple smile that kept expanding when he wasn’t paying much attention. Bucky walked alongside with his board tucked under his arm, glancing up at the sky for a still moment. 

“The theater that plays the classics is just up ahead, hopefully there’s a couple of good ones to choose from but then that should be a give in, right?”

“Whatever is out, I’m willing to watch it. You’ve already cheered me up immensely Buck.”

Bucky let out a hum and a smile, the pair of them continuing their walk in silence. He kept stealing glances over at Steve. The guy had the biggest smile anyone could ever afford. He watched it occasionally disappear as if he was scolding himself for looking like an idiot but only two seconds later he would beam again, his head held up actually letting the icy breeze brush into his face. It was cute, really damn fucking cute. The apples of his cheeks and the tip of nose going a light red. He had his own hands buried into his hoodie pockets, the crisp air keeping them tucked into themselves. Bucky was too busy admiring Steve, his godlike body draped in smartly dressed clothing, his hair gelled a little to control from the elements when it was usually swept softly to the side by itself, he almost ran into one of the sidewalk planted trees. 

“Fuck.” He blurted out, his skateboard clattering to the pavement. He watched those gorgeous baby blues pausing to look at him and immediately going down to pick his board up, holding it back out for him.

“You should show me your moves sometime.”

Bucky’s eyes looked around, spying a building ahead of them with a rail on some steps going down to their courtyard. He tossed his backpack off by their feet. A smirk crept across his face, looking back at Steve, “I’ve been showing you my moves since we met.”

Steve looked at him curiously not getting a chance to fully understand what he meant, watching Bucky hold his board out and break out into a run, stepping onto his board and maneuvering both feet onto the surface of it as he moved towards the railing. Steve followed after him, his forehead crinkling together coming to the realization that he was planning to use the railing, a pang of worry stabbing him. He was sure Bucky could do it, sure he was but he was also thinking of his great evening with him being wrapped up in an ending to the emergency room and Bucky bleeding all over the place with a busted nose and making horrible jokes in the ambulance trying to laugh through it like a jerk he was. 

Steve could barely watch, his gasp caught up in his throat, hands forming into tight fists watching Bucky nervously. He watched him crouch down, pressing his weight downwards then push off with both feet. Himself and his board going airborne and Steve winced, he literally winced. This was going to a disaster and someone would have to inform Natasha and it wasn’t going to be him, _oh god_. The blond felt more panicked watching the airborne skateboard do a complete flip. He had never seen these tricks before, he wasn’t sure if that was supposed to happen and he worried it wasn’t and how would Bucky land right if the board was off course and..  
he trailed off watching Bucky land with cat like precision back onto his upright skateboard, the lip of it ground along the railing then hit the pavement, Bucky’s arms shooting out unsteadily for a second and Steve’s instincts almost kicked in to go run at him but he stopped, happy that Bucky didn’t face plant into the concrete. His head turned to see if Steve had seen it all, a pleased but relieved smile on his face and that expression right there drained all the stress off Steve’s own face smiling right back at Bucky. He watched him hop off his skateboard, picking it up and jog back, his hands going out in showman fashion when he stopped in front of him, “Ta-dah!”

Steve clapped, he had to clap. That was the only thing that ran through his mind, Bucky teasingly giving in with a bow, “That was good, I was half expecting you to bust your face. I apologize.”

“Oh thanks for the vote of confidence Rogers. Just glad I had the right shoes on.” he tilted his shoe sideways and shrugged, raking a hand through his hair, “Boots aren’t really gonna be good for that.”

Before they could start walking again, Steve watched Bucky hand him his board, “You should try.”

Steve almost stuttered, “Ah no, I’m okay. We should hurry, might miss when the movie’s are playing.”

“Unless you gotta go somewhere, we got all the time in the world.” Bucky smirked, chewing at his lip, not backing off.

It only took a few seconds for Steve to cave, taking Bucky’s skateboard like it was the most foreign of objects. He peered at the brunette dubiously, setting it down on the ground. He hesitantly put one foot on it, worry instantly plaguing him about falling over.

“I got ya Rogers.” Bucky broke in, his palms extending out encouragingly. Steve looked up from his feet at him but Bucky was too focused on watching Steve’s feet.

“You just gotta remember to balance, that’s all.”

Steve tried to roll a few feet, both feet pressed on the board now, his hands held out just over Bucky’s worriedly, his body wobbling to the sensation of missing solid ground. His mind internally panicking but genuinely surprised he was actually doing it. 

Bucky’s grey eyes peered up, a large smile across his face, “You’re a natural you big ape.”

Huffing out a soft laugh, Steve blinked a few times about to respond back. A pebble hit one of the wheels causing him to bump and teeter, the blond’s knee jerk reaction causing him to hop off completely before he crashed or fell, “Yep, nope that’s all.”

Bucky laughed at Steve’s startled expression, walking over to pick his board up, “You were doing perfectly fine, you know. A little over dressed for skateboarding but it was going well.”

Steve stuffed his hands back into his coat pockets, “Well I’m glad you thought so, I was waiting for another fall to happen.”

The brunette walked alongside him, “See, next time don’t worry so much. You’re going slow and I got you. I promise. I’d catch you before you fell, even if you’re as big as an elephant.”

Steve glanced over at him, “I don’t know about a next time, Buck.”

Bucky gave him a sly grin, “We’ll see.”

  
  


Steve pushed open the side exit doors of the old movie theater, waiting for Bucky to pass before letting it go. A serene smile spread across the brunette’s face. He walked along side him, their arms occasionally brushing against each other, no words passing but it was comfortable. 

“Hey Buck.”

Bucky raised his head, glancing over while Steve smiled shyly, soft blue eyes watching him appreciatively. The male sheepishly stuffed his hands into his coat pockets, “I just wanted to thank you for a nice night, especially dinner. That was definitely an experience I’ll remember for a long time. You really are a great friend.”

_Friend._

Bucky’s face flinched for a moment then grinned, annoyed at himself for the small moment of weakness. He wasn’t expecting anything, he did want to take Steve out to cheer him up he just couldn’t help feel a little annoyed that it should really have been Tony to do that. “Oh we’re not done yet, I figured I would take you out to get ice cream. You up for that or is it too late for you grandpa?”

Steve crinkled his forehead together, “Ice cream? Grandpa? Buck I’m the same age as you.”

Bucky’s grin spread wider, picking up his pace, “Good then you’re up for ice cream. Its a block or two away. Come on.”

Steve thought over it for a moment, jogging to catch back up with the male, the pair of them quickly making it to shop, Bucky turning to give Steve a grin before entering, “You’ll love this stuff, its amazing. Its all fresh and just fucking delicious. Not that cardboard hard shit in the tourist trap areas. This place right here.” 

Steve laughed following Bucky along to the small line up, “Okay okay if you’re already looking like that before we even order I believe you!”

Bucky turned, beaming at him then stood in line eagerly waiting to get to the front. Steve could only hold back so much, an amused smile breaking out of him, “I don’t even know why we’re eating ice cream when its freezing outside.”

“Don’t be a stick in the mud. Please tell me you like ice cream.”

Steve laughed, “Oh I love ice cream. It’s just different to want it right now.”

The brunette only shrugged, clapping his hands together, holding them. They finally arrived to the front Bucky requested a couple spoons of vanilla samples; immediately he popped the spoon into his mouth, handing Steve the other. “Now try this and tell me what you think.”

Steve tested the treat, his blue eyes glancing at the ceiling then abruptly looking at Bucky in surprise. Bucky only shot him a knowing look, his brows raising up then dropping with a smirk. “I told you.”

Steve nodded, both of them placing their orders. 

They found a seat in the back, Steve pulling his pea coat off, “So I haven’t seen you in a while. Where have you been hiding?”

Bucky looked pensive for a moment, licking the ice cream off his spoon while he thought a moment finally giving the blond a small shrug. “I actually went to visit family out of town, you’re a godsend for texting me stupid joke pictures by the way. I had no real internet access, like they never heard of a steady connection or a computer before or something. I solely only had my phone and a lot of books. Talking to you was really nice for my sanity there.”

It was true for Steve as well; although he hadn’t seen much of Bucky the past couple of weeks, they had been texting each other nonstop every day like they had just picked up and dusted off their friendship from high school. He actually felt slightly horrible that he was stupid enough to lose his number when they could have been doing things like this for years. They would talk about their day, and Steve would complain about stupid customers at work or about some random fight that broke out. He never thought to ask where Bucky was, he was only content to be talking, conversation flowing like water for them. Occasionally Bucky would send him pictures of himself posing boredly with earbuds in his ears, resting against a white wall backdrop and an adorably sad face with the words, _‘So bored.’_ and it was Steve’s cue to send a goofy picture back of himself. One had been a painting of only stick figures with the title, _‘I’m the next Picasso!’_ another was him holding up a bottle of tequila and a stupid grin with the caption, _‘Not as much fun without you to squeeze to death.’_ , Steve even had the balls to send him one while he was in his tub having a bubble bath like the dork he was, no caption just a stupid idiot grin that he knew was worth more without a line. He knew they made Bucky laugh because quickly after he would get a blurred pic of him taking an action shot of him in fits, his way of proving to Steve he wasn’t faking it. 

“I was going to text you today but I guess catching you between my legs on the train works too.”

Steve blushed, taking another slow bit of his ice cream, “I really wish that didn’t happen.”

The brunette only chuckled, Steve pulling the phone from his pocket when it rang. Tony’s face plastered on the phone. “About time you called. Thank you for standing me up by the way.”

Bucky couldn’t hear Stark’s responses over the music inside the shop, instead he folded his arms over the table, hunched over his ice cream to quietly poke at it. 

“No, no. I’m not at home. Don’t swing a car around for me..Yes, you heard correctly. I’m not home right now..Yes I am very aware its about to be midnight Tony.”

Bucky couldn’t help but smirk, trying not to laugh at the pair of them. He ate another spoonful of ice cream trying not to make eye contact while Steve stood his ground with his ever loving boyfriend. 

“I’m with Bucky. Yes, Bucky. I ran into him on the train going back home. He decided to take me on a date since you didn’t.”

_Shit._

Bucky glanced up at Steve giving him a look of not wanting to be involved in their petty squabble. Steve only gave him a wink back looking like he knew what he was doing. 

“Calm down I’m kidding. It’s not a date. He was going out to eat and he invited me to join him. We went to see a movie....Oh it does sound like a date? I’m so sorry if it came out that way Tony.”

Bucky rolled his eyes, finishing off his dessert before pushing the bowl aside to rest his chin on his arm. 

“No, he’s still here. We went to get ice cream after the movie.”

Steve rolled his eyes, lifting the phone away from his ear, Bucky hearing incessant squabbling most likely of Tony lecturing him. 

“Honey, you sound really wound up. You need rest.” Steve raised a brow, “Oh so that’s what the car was coming by for. I see. Well that’s unfortunate. Mhm, I’m sorry baby. Well I have to go, call me tomorrow. We will just have to have a rain check on that. Goodnight. Mhm, I love you too.”

Steve smiled to himself, tucking his phone back into his pocket. Bucky sat up flashing the blond a smirk when he looked back at him, “Did you seriously just cock block your own boyfriend?”

He gave a gentle shrug, “He stood me up. He deserves it.” 

“Remind me never to get on your bad side. You look sweet but I don’t want to know what you do to other people if you withhold sex from your own boyfriend.”

The both of them rose from their chairs, cleaning up then heading out the doors. The early September wind chill had picked up, Bucky pulling his hood over his head, Steve buttoning up his pea coat. 

“Come on now. Don’t tell me you’ve never withheld sex because you were angry at your boyfriend.”

Bucky snickered, giving him a side glance, “I don’t really have boyfriends, so nope. I’ve never punished someone by keeping sex away. That is all you Rogers. Not that I’m condemning it, I think he deserves it but I’ve just never done it.”

Genuine surprise crossed Steve’s face, “Really, never had a boyfriend? I feel like you would do something like that, maybe even as a joke.”

The brunette only shook his head for a moment, tucking his board under his arm to slip his hands into his front pocket, “Well I’ve had boyfriends for maybe a day? I don’t really do the relationship thing, kind of too much work. I just tell them they’re being dicks. Sometimes it results in angry sex which can be better than what we would normally do.”

Steve burst out in laughter, his breath pluming out into the air.

 

The train ride was comfortably quiet between the pair of them, the car empty aside from one person seated near the back reading their book. Bucky had fixated himself with watching whatever was outside, he didn’t particularly focus on one main thing he just seemed to look. Steve started to feel the effects of his long day. Up and awake in the early hours of the morning to go running and now moving past midnight. He tilted his head back, resting against the glass letting out a small yawn his eyes shifting to look at Bucky chewing on his lip idly. The brunette glanced over at the sound, smirking, “Falling asleep already?”

“What time do you go to sleep at? Granted your eyes look like they never get sleep.”

He shrugged, “Well thank you Rogers. I sleep at maybe one, maybe five. I’m never sure. When are you waking up?”

Steve smiled tiredly at him, “About seven or sometimes eight.” 

Bucky shook his head, “No way I could get up that early. I love being up late.”

The blond shrugged, “You should try it, feels good. Refreshes you. I always go for a run in the morning.”

“And act like an old man at night, nah I’m really good thanks.”

“Always the Jerk.”

“You’re the one making fun of my raccoon eyes Punk."

Steve shoved his hands into his coat pocket, pulling out a crumpled flyer, remembering suddenly about the classes, “Oh hey, Bucky. Nick finally hired someone else for the daytime so I got long hours still but I can knock a day off.”

The brunette pointed at him, “Oh shit yeah, Natasha was hired.”

“Wait, that makes sense. He said her name was Nat and it didn’t click. Looks like I’ll be getting to know your friend a bit better.”

The other male grinned, addressing him to continue.

"You know my friend Sam? He’s teaching an evening cooking class, its like basic cooking 101. I can’t cook for the life of me and -”

“I know, I saw your bare ass fridge when you opened it.”

Steve rolled his eyes, “Anyway yeah Sam’s teaching it because he’s amazing at cooking. Figured he would invite me to teach me some stuff so I was wondering if you wanted to come once a week on Wednesday’s with me. Plus you could finally meet him, think you had a couple of classes together, he said he sort of remembers you.”

Bucky pondered it, taking the flyer of listed evening classes, “What’s this other one you circled, life drawing classes. You taking that?”

The blond glanced over at it, “Yeah, you wanna come with? I could always use the company.”

A smile appeared over Bucky’s face, “Sure and I’ll come to your friend’s cooking classes too. I don’t need them but I’ll join in the fun.”

“Wait, really? You cook?”

The male nodded, only getting a skeptical look from Rogers, “Look, I’ll show you one of these days, kay?”

A silent nod came from Steve suddenly curious about his culinary skills. The flyer returned back to his hands and into his pocket. That comfortable silence creeping back into them again, a weird energetic buzz running through Steve. It was comparable to when he took a jog out and felt good afterwards, a feeling of satisfaction. It wasn’t entirely that feeling but similar. He wasn’t sure how to define it. 

“Do you..want to come over?” Steve abruptly broke into Bucky’s thoughts, his hands gesturing helplessly, “I mean I know its late and stuff. I guess its kind of pointless since I’ve been yawning..”

Grey blue eyes looked at him, waiting for him to finish. Steve only stammered not exactly sure why he even asked in the first place. His plans were to get home and go to bed, now suddenly he was asking Bucky if he wanted to come over.

“I was thinking about watching this little independent movie that came out, its French but its got subtitles. My coworker Pietro managed to burn a disc for me and has been asking me if I’ve seen it yet. I really wanted to watch it tonight you know, get him off my back about it. He seems so excited for me to check it out, you know? I know it’s late too, I don’t know how far you gotta go after the train. My couch is always open, as unappealing as that may sound.”

Bucky stared at him, a laugh escaping him while he nodded, “Actually I’m pretty sure I know what movie you’re talking about but I can’t for the life of me remember the name. Sure I’ll come over. I’ve slept on worse things than a couch.”

A raise of the blond’s brow only made Bucky laugh harder and nothing was elaborated on, both deciding it wasn’t needed.

 

“How do you want your coffee?”

Steve grinned at Bucky while he removed his shoes, “Almost half milk, half coffee, one large heap of sugar.”

“Jesus Buck, that sounds awful.”

“Okay, I’ve seen you drink one of those fancy Starbuck’s drinks in our snapchats that look like its more milk and whipped cream than coffee so I wouldn’t talk shit.”

Steve moved through to the kitchen, picking up some coffee pods from a basket on the counter top, switching his single serve coffee maker on. 

Bucky examined the unfinished piece of Steve’s mother. There was further work on it, more details, more color but Steve seemed to be dragging his feet about it. He felt himself lost in the mood of it though, taking in a few minutes of the melancholy it gave off. He barely noticed Steve eventually walking up alongside him, holding out a coffee for him.

“You like it?”

The brunette glanced over, his features softened, “Is all your stuff this good? I mean I’ve seen the stuff you’ve hung up but everything?”

Steve felt the heat creep to his cheeks. He gave Bucky a shrug, gesturing to the small alcove behind his work area. Shelves lined with worn books and sketch books on top of numerous canvas’ leaning back to back against the wall completely filling up the space.

“Jesus where do I look?”

Bucky didn’t wait for an answer, taking his coffee from Steve. He took a small idle sip as he went over to the alcove. He brushed his thin nimble fingers furtively across the top of one frame, dust picking up into the air. Steve felt himself hold his breath, quietly watching in curiosity and nervousness. He never really had someone look through his work aside from Sam and that was only because he trusted Sam and knew he wouldn’t judge him. He wholly felt some vulnerability with it, he knew he wanted to put his art out there but there were moments like this he felt unease for. Someone’s opinion that mattered to him looking at pieces, his breath held. 

Bucky brought the first row of canvas frames forward into him, letting his legs hold them up so he could see the end piece first. Most of them were landscape and cityscape. Buildings and structures. They were detailed and intricate but when Bucky found the portraits of other people, that’s when he felt his throat tighten. He quietly moved through haunting images of a dark skinned man, a couple of Tony deep at work or laughing, other people Bucky didn’t recognize. Near the end he saw that he was looking at himself. He was completely frozen. It almost felt like he was looking into some obscure mirror even if the subject wasn’t looking his way. His mind felt sore and muddled, wading through the slow reaction and shock of seeing him among all the work he was admiring. He was in their art room at school, his face deep and pensive unaware of the artist working on him while he was working on some piece of clay. He looked so absorbed in his work, but there was a sense of serenity like he belonged right there permanently, where he should always stay. It had an inner peace to it Bucky couldn’t shake, he had seen it in all of Steve’s work. Bucky tried to speak, opening his mouth but only silence met him. A small startled gasp escaped instead.

Steve quickly came to his side, “Buck? You okay?”

Steve had been so focused on looking at Bucky’s facial reactions he never realized what had made Bucky become white as a sheet. 

_Oh. OH._

Bucky looked at him, his eyes misting. How could Steve draw him like that, so determined, so..

“I look so ..strong." He couldn’t find the exact word to describe what he meant. It wasn’t the strength in power, it was the strength in character that affected him. He couldn’t understand how Steve was capturing an aura about him he wasn’t even sure he had.

Steve bit down on his lip, softly resting a hand on his shoulder, rubbing the area consolingly, “That’s because you are. You should have seen yourself when you worked on your stuff. You had this look of tenacity and dedication that I don’t really think anyone else was noticing. I only noticed because we were working so well together. I’m sorry if I got you upset over finding this piece, I sketch sometimes when I see things people usually don’t and I put it on the canvas later. Also I really didn’t mean to come out creepy if that’s also what you’re thinking. I’m pretty proud of it, honestly.”

Bucky was still staring at him, listening to the words but lost in understanding every word Steve was saying. Dedication? Tenacity? He never knew he even held those qualities and he was sure they were lost now anyway. His eyes felt clouded with tears that refused to fall, glancing away abruptly.

“Hey you okay? I’m sorry if I upset you.”

Bucky quickly shook his head, quickly bringing the back of his hand up to dab at his eyes just in case, “No, it’s not that. Really shocked someone like you painted me and painted me looking better than I am. Damn Steve this stuff is amazing. You should open a gallery!”

Steve blushed, giving Bucky’s shoulder a squeeze, “For one, I don’t think people think highly of my art as much as you do and two, I didn’t paint you better than you are. I painted you exactly as you are. You should know better, you have the same eye for it.”

Bucky only scoffed, tearing away from Steve to push the pieces back against the wall and head to the living room, ignoring the comments. “No really, you should have a viewing at least one of these days. Those skyline ones are really good. Anyone would want that to hang those in their living room or even in an office.”

Steve ducked his head shyly, rubbing the back of his neck, “You really think so? I mean I would love to but really?”

Bucky seated himself on the couch, looking back at the blond with a nod, drinking down some of his coffee, “Of course I do Steve. Are you stupid?”

He seated himself down beside Bucky, elbows bumping into each other. He shrugged again and gave him a self depreciating smile, “Your _Fall of Icarus_ was really amazing. Do you still have it?”

Now it was Bucky’s turn to feel weird, well more so. He picked up the remote off the table, switching the channels feeling the blush spread across his face. There was no real reason to hide it, his ears tingling in warmth, “Yeah, it’s at home. In one of those stupid glass cabinets. My mom’s really into art and she immediately put it out for everyone to see it. Kind of weird but I guess everyone at school saw it, what’s it matter right?”

He felt fingertips brush his cheek where the red was more prominent, his eyes rolling to glance sideways at the blond before shaking his head, “I guess we’re both no talent bums. Stop complimenting my stuff.”

Steve laughed, dropping his hand as he pulled himself up, “You start the movie up, I’ll get the linens and stuff.

Absently, Bucky blushed harder when he brought his hand to his cheek after checking if Steve had really gone down the hallway. He smiled a little, sifting through the movies sitting on the coffee table, chewing his lip in thought. He almost dropped the cases when _I’m sexy and I know it_ started playing from Steve’s cell phone, a picture of Tony with a cheesy looking smile plastered across his face and the contact name Big Dick Tony popped up. 

_God he would pick that song and that name._

He wasn’t exactly sure if that was directed at Steve or at Tony.

Steve came barreling out from the hallway, Bucky ducking his head down just in case. He dropped the pillows and blanket on the couch before he answered it, his face flushed and excited. He looked genuinely happy, giving Bucky a quick look and a smile before disappearing into his bedroom. 

Bucky wasn’t sure how long Steve was going to be, most likely long forgotten his choice to punish the guy. He decided foreign films weren’t his forte when he was sitting alone, sifting through the CD book to the side til he finally found and popped another movie in. He pulled himself up to look for something to snack on on top of grabbing himself a beer. He opened a few cabinets, finally finding a box of crackers trying to remind himself to bring snacks next time. He managed to rummage through enough cans and dry noodles to find a jar Nutella against the back wall and settled on that. He put everything on the table and plopped back on the couch, resting his body up against the blankets and pillows. The movie running, it took him all of six minutes to kick off his shoes and bring his socked feet up on the couch and abandon the crackers and just use his fingers in the Nutella jar. 

“That’s really gross Buck.”

His eyes momentarily looked up to see Steve coming up in front of him towards the other side of the couch. The blond pointedly looked at him, sitting down on his feet with his finger pointing in the direction of the kitchen, “I got these amazing things called spoons.”

“Spoons are overrated, why use them when you got fingers?” The brunette wiggled his brows with a grin, trying to move his toes as much as he could under Steve‘s butt who made more than an annoyed noise at him. 

“Ugh quit that, your toes are in my ass crack." He shifted so Bucky could move them out from under him with a snort. “And because that’s my jar? What if I wanted some?”

Bucky rolled his eyes, resting one foot on Steve’s thigh, resting the other crossed over his ankle, “I don’t think a spoon versus fingers matter in the fight against cooties and secondly you can always lick it off my fingers, like a friends forever thing.”

He was greeted by _that_ look and Bucky only smirked, running his index finger along the inside of the jar again looking back towards the television screen. 

Steve outstretched his hand, “Hope your hands were clean at least, give me some.”

A few minutes of silence passed, Bucky turning his head to ask if he still wanted to watch the movie he had originally planned to watch, lost for a second watching Steve lick his fingers. He pursed his lips to swallow down a groan before looking down at the floor, his foot prodding Steve in the stomach instead, “You,” he cleared his throat, “do you still want to watch that other movie?”

He shook his head, “Nah this is already on. We can watch it another day.”

“Yeah sorry, when you got the call I just threw something else on, didn’t know how long you were going to be since you told him goodnight earlier. Thought you two would start getting it on over the phone.”

Steve groaned, “Because I would do that while you’re here.” He flicked the top of the brunette’s foot.

He only shrugged in reply, watching the movie.

Bucky hadn’t said anything till he started to notice the soft snoring by his feet. Steve’s head was tilted back against the couch, his mouth hanging wide open, one arm draped off the couch arm the other over Bucky’s ankles which had been on his thigh still. He watched him for a moment, smiling at the sight. He took his phone out to take a picture, tucking it away before nudging the blond with his foot. “Wakey wakey.” 

His foot prodded Steve’s ribs with some pressure, causing the male to jolt out of his sleep, snorting out. Bucky laughed, scrambling onto his knees to push Steve off the couch, “Get up Sleeping Beauty, time to get into your bed.”

Steve mumbled incoherently, Bucky moving off the couch to tug him to his feet. He watched Steve bump into the coffee table, his arms pinwheeling for a moment in comedy gold and Bucky couldn’t help but laugh at him. 

“Come on.” He draped Steve’s arm around his shoulders, his own tucking around the blond’s waist to lead him to his bedroom. Shuffling alongside him, Steve followed in a half lidded daze muttering incoherently. Bucky tried to direct him to roll onto and over to the middle of his bed but he only managed to watch Steve land face first onto the mattress like a fish on land. 

“Good enough.”

He shuffled back into the kitchen, grabbing himself another beer before he crashed back on the couch. It was then, unraveling the blanket to curl up with, that he realized he was completely wrapped in Steve’s scent. His eyes glanced up for a moment in a flicker of weakness, drawing in a long inhale of faint cologne, soap and Steve himself allowing his head to fall back into the pair of stacked pillows. He shook his head to himself, going back to the movie till sleep overtook him. 

***

All he could smell was bacon and coffee. Two of the most perfect food related smells that attacked him at once in his sleepy haze. Bucky slowly felt himself stir, a soft barely inaudible groan escaping his lips. It wasn’t very long before his body protested to even a minor shift realizing Steve’s couch wasn’t very adept at being a good place to sleep. Unfortunately his stomach began to growl not too soon after, betrayed as usual. He shakily pushed himself into a partial sitting position with his propped arm on the back of the couch; his eyes fought to stay closed, his back feeling stiff and sore. He blinked a few times allowing the blobs of Steve’s kitchen to come into focus, one figure in general moving slightly knowing that was most likely his host. Finally coming into view Bucky couldn’t help but stare, watching Steve stand at the stove in sweatpants and a snug white tank top wearing a bright grin over his face while he focused on the food he was cooking.

_Dear god almighty._

On the upside, Steve hadn’t noticed him awake yet, watching him run a hand through his sandy colored hair while he hummed to himself. Bucky scratched his faint stubble unconsciously just wanting to run his own fingers through Steve’s stupid cute hair. 

The blond finally looked over, a bigger smile appearing over his features, “Oh hey, you’re finally awake! I knew the food would get you up. I put some stuff in the bathroom for you if you need them, like a toothbrush and towel. I hope my couch wasn’t too bad. I’ve slept on it a couple of times, I know how stiff it can make you.”

_No, Bucky. Don’t say anything._

The brunette half heartedly shrugged with a sleepy smile. He barely managed to pull himself up, trying to stretch, his muscles protesting at every shift and movement. He took a glance at the time, frowning to himself.

“You weren’t kidding about the sleeping in. I managed to go on a run and stopped at the local marketplace to get some groceries for us this morning and you were still passed out.”

Bucky groaned, digging the heels of his hands into his eyes to rub out the sleep, “Steve, it’s almost 9am, this is against the law somewhere.”

“Do you not want to eat?”

“..Still against the law somewhere.”

The blond chuckled, “So wash your face, I should be done here soon.”

Another groan escaped him, dragging his feet across the smooth floor and down the hallway to the bathroom.

 

Bucky finally came back, somewhat freshened up, not exactly sure what level of that he was on. He leaned against the counter across from all the action, watching Steve’s ass in his too tight sweat pants. His stomach growled, eyes spying for something to nibble on before the male finished the eggs. He spied the peanut butter jar, unscrewing it before taking a big glob out with his index and middle finger. His eyes turned to look back at that fine ass before him only to be met with two blues watching him with a raised brow, “Really?”

Bucky only sheepishly smiled, sucking the peanut butter off his fingers, “I got hungry. Sorry.”

Steve watched Bucky lick off the peanut butter for a drawn out moment, the brunette’s eyes fixated on getting it off his digits. He was pretty sure there was something wrong with him watching Bucky intentionally or unintentionally sexualize peanut butter but it was really distracting. He snapped himself out of it, clearing his throat awkwardly.  
“You really do have something against spoons."

He divided the scrambled eggs onto two plates, shoving the pan into the sink after. He brushed the thoughts aside, grabbing the plate of bacon off the counter to place it on the table, Bucky seated himself down with a smile. He also placed down two cups of coffee for them, grinning back. 

“Oh I forgot the milk.” Steve muttered, heading to the fridge. He came back only to see the brunette’s mouth stuffed with bacon, Steve trying not to laugh at him. He rested the small jug by Bucky and shook his head in disbelief, “I have no idea how you manage to eat and still look like you barely do. If I eat too much, I have to hit the gym harder.”

Bucky only looked at him with a casual knowing grin, chewing away at a bite of toast. Steve couldn’t help but quietly admire him eating, taking a forkful of his own eggs to chew thoughtfully. He watched Bucky devour another slice of toast with his eggs, managing to fit in a few more strips of bacon in between bites. Steve not exactly sure what it was about it that he found rather endearing but it was admittedly, quite cute. He pushed a white paper bag towards his friend with a smile, chewing on another forkful of egg for himself. 

Bucky glanced at him curiously, then opened it up, his face brightening as he pulled out a large blueberry muffin, “Damn Steve you must be psychic. Thanks.”

A laugh escaped the blond, sipping some of his coffee, “Actually I was saving those for when we got out of here, but you’re a pit. I’d feel bad if you starved. Actually, it’s really nice to make something that I’m not awful at. Whenever I do get a chance to sit with Tony in the mornings, he’s constantly making health drinks with some green stuff or eating pizza that’s been sitting out for a day or two. It’s like eating food is low on his priority list.”

Halfway through the jumbo muffin Bucky nodded, swallowing down what was in his mouth, “Probably is. Doesn’t he live in his labs?”

Steve quietly nodded, thoughtfully chewing on a slice of toast, his fork poking around at the last bits of egg. Bucky looked at him quietly a small frown pressing at his lips. He didn’t know what to say, not wanting to butt further than he had and ask if he was able to smooth everything out with Tony or not. They were friends yeah but he wasn’t sure to what level and he didn’t want to come out sounding like a completely nosy person.

Blue eyes glanced up at him, a raise of a brow returning back. Steve flashed him an apologetic smile, “Sorry I’m not being the best host right now. Just sometimes,” He hesitated, his hand dropping his fork to delicately brush away the words hanging in the air. “Well, just never mind."

Bucky quietly studied him for a second, staring at the pensive look across his face. He chewed on the corner of his own lip, a soft dull prickle reminding him about breaking the skin last night. He reached forward, his index finger gently nudging Steve’s plate to get his attention, “If you feel like you wanna vent, go for it. I’m a great person to bitch to.”

Finally he got Steve to give him a small smile watching him duck his head down, a helpless shrug slipping out of him, “It’s nothing really. We’re been together for over two years and I love it but I just wish I could spend more time with him. Just seen him more often but he’s holed up in the lab with Bruce Banner. It’s not like he parties all the time, he does sometimes but mainly he’s stuck in the lab like his work is more important than me.”

Bucky quietly chewed on another bit of muffin, nodding for Steve to continue when the blond peered up at him. He had apparently finished his lament, fingers dancing against the table top as if he was nervous.

“What does he say?”

A defeated shrug was all he got, Steve silently chewing a piece of bacon lost in his own head. The unimpressed look over Bucky’s face caused him to react finally and backpedal, “Well Tony isn’t that bad. He just has so much work and it sucks.”

“And he sleeps while a whole bunch of women.”

“And...yes he sleeps with a whole bunch of women. Thank you for your amazing input.”

The brunette gave him a shrug, finishing off his coffee. He helped himself to another slice of bacon, watching Steve thoughtfully, “Do you love him?”

He looked up from his plate with a slightly dumb expression, looking as if he was waiting for a trap to spring before quickly nodding and Bucky gave him a simple shrug, “Then I would say suck it up princess. You either have to talk to him about it and if that doesn’t happen then you get what you get. Maybe make plans with him and just keep trying, unless you’re going to take up going to his work place and sitting there available for him whenever you want.”

Steve mused, “Because that would be viable.”

“Some people have done it.” Bucky shot back, half joking.

The blond nodded, “I know people have but I wouldn’t be able to do that. I like where I’m at even if it gets quiet sometimes.”

Bucky shrugged helplessly, “You’ve been with him for a while, you have to decide whats best for you and if you’re really happy Steve. It’s you and only you that you need to think about here.”

The statement soaked into Steve, his eyes peering at Bucky in surprise, “That’s pretty deep Buck, who did you steal that from?”

Bucky rolled his eyes, flipping him the finger.

***

Natasha tucked her arm around Bucky’s, her free hand holding tightly to Clint’s. The cool crisp air wrapping around their bodies as the trio made their way briskly from the parking lot and into the community college.

“I don’t even know why you two dragged me here, I don’t need to know how to cook.”

Bucky rolled his eyes, “You need to learn how to not fucking burn boiled eggs. Really, who does that?”

Natasha smiled, giving the blond’s hand a squeeze, “You can’t eat pizza for the rest of your life Clint.”

Clint poked out his jaw, contemplating, “But you cook better than I do.”

“Sometimes she’s worse than you are.”

“Bucky.”

Bucky smirked, leaning his head down to plant a kiss against Natasha’s head, “I’ll feed both of you, no worries. Just gotta know some basic shit. It’ll be fun.”

The red head smiled wryly, “You’re only doing this for Steve.”

The brunette casually shrugged, “If he’s gonna invite me to cooking classes, how can I say no. Besides his best friend teaches it. Might as well meet him.”

“Who’s his friend?”

“Sam Wilson, I think it was.”

“Oh really? I remember him from school. “He’s a good guy, will be nice to see him again.”

 

When the trio entered the classroom it was actually decently set up. One large rectangular table set at the center of the room with seats for about fourteen and with what seemed to look like seven stations, all equal in look. At one side was an instructors table facing the larger table and full kitchen behind it. To the far side were large ovens and fridges and a door leading to what Bucky assumed was a pantry and probably a freezer.

“Bucky, hey!” Steve pushed past a few chairs, quickly striding over to him, a large grin across his face, “Good to see you and you brought Nat and who I can only assume is Clint.”

He gestured for Sam to join them, waiting a second then introducing him with his hand out, “This is my best friend Sam Wilson, he’s teaching the class.”

Bucky smiled, shaking the brunette’s hand. He tilted his head at Natasha, “This is Natasha Romanoff and that blond trainwreck over there is Clint Barton.”

Clint gave his friend a fake glare, shaking Sam’s hand, moving to also shake Steve’s hand. 

“Nice to meet all of you, Steve’s been saying nice things about you, Bucky..and Natasha, it’s nice to catch up with you again. Man, been a little while since high school huh? You’re working with Steve at the bar right?”

Natasha smiled, nodding at the brunette, “Yeah for a couple of days now, it’s pretty good. Especially when you got someone like Steve there to work with.”

The blond blushed, looking at her, “You make it fun too.”

A large grin broke out over Sam’s face, looking at the group to see everyone have a similar expression on their face, “We should definitely get together for coffee or even a movie soon, all five of us.”

There were approved murmurs and nods before the sound of the clock sounded that class was to begin.

 

Sam rested his hands softly on his hips, “Alright!” he paused just enough to wait for the chatter to subside, all eyes looking in his direction, “So it’s really great to have all of you attend the first night of this. My name is Sam Wilson, I will be with you at every class, if you have any questions or need any help while we go through the plan, prep or any other matter please don’t hesitate. Tonight we are starting with basics like prep chopping, simple easy go to soups as well as easy basic sauces. Sound good?” 

Bucky glanced around at the group, soft murmurs of agreement rang throughout, his eyes returning to the brunette as he clapped his hands together with a wide smile, “Great! So partner up and we can start in a couple of minutes while I go get some things."

Bucky felt old memories from high school sink back in. He wasn’t always in a class with a friend or an equal amount of them for everyone to partner up with. Clint being completely in love with Natasha, Bucky always gave her up for him which left him in an awkward situation when he never spoke to other students. Group projects were another thing altogether. He managed though, he was smart enough to do what they needed him to do without too much conversation. It wasn’t hard to deal with others persay, he just didn’t feel quite right and he was too closed up and lazy to give a shit about making friends. He was pretty sure Natasha used the term _unapproachable._ She said the way he dressed, his natural defense to keep to himself and most likely his music choices made him someone the majority of the student body thought wasn’t a team player. He still remembers when someone from his Biology class had asked Bucky if he was planning to blow up the school once. He was so perplexed he didn’t answer them. How in the hell did he become _that_ kid?

He felt a nudge, his head almost bumping into Steve’s by accident. The blond automatically rested a hand on his shoulder to steady him with a smile, “Sorry about that, you seemed lost in space.”

He gave him a sheepish smile, “Sorry, I was remembering picking partners in high school. What a nightmare. Me and you partners?”

Steve smiled and nodded, turning to look at his sheet packet. “Picking partners wasn’t so bad in high school.” His voice came out in a soft murmur lost in nostalgia.

Bucky picked up the two aprons set to the side, resting one on the table for Steve, “Right because the popular guy had so many issues finding someone to be his partner.”

He pulled on an apron, his nimble fingers tying the back. Steve rolled his eyes at the popular guy comment and watched him partially lost in his own thoughts about high school. The brunette gave him a small smile gesturing to his own apron on the counter, “You gonna put that on or you just gonna stare all day?”

Steve didn’t realize he was staring in all honesty, he quickly grabbed the apron tugging it on over his head fumbling with the ties while he stared at his feet trying to collect himself. 

“Oh my fucking god Steve.”

Steve looked up blankly, Bucky stepping closer to yank the piece of clothing off, holding it up for the blond to show that it was on backwards. He turned it for him, carefully putting it back around his neck; he whirled him around and tied it up, Steve holding his arms out in a loose shrug letting Bucky do as he pleased. He was turned back around and Bucky swiped at a fold of the material across his chest with a nod, “There, better.” 

Steve smiled softly, “Thanks Buck."

“Sometimes I wonder how you put your clothes on.”

He felt his face bloom a warm red, turning towards the large table, seating himself on the stool, “So, soups and sauces today huh?”

Bucky pulled up beside him, peeking over the packet notes, “Knife skills? I think you should skip that.”

He gave Bucky a glare, bumping his elbow into the brunette’s side. Bucky only grinned, resting his right arm casually on Steve’s shoulder continuing to read Steve’s copy of the day’s class breakdown ignoring his own copy sitting close by.

 

Sam sidled up beside Natasha at his instructor’s table, leaning his back against it, gripping one hand on the edge of the granite, tilting in slightly to ensure only she heard, “So are you seeing what I’m seeing?”

Natasha nudged her shoulder softly against Sam’s, “I’ve been seeing it before I even saw it my friend.”

The brunette chuckled turning to look at her face, “Is it wrong?” He twirled his finger in the air, choosing his words carefully before him in thought, “You know with Tony and all, but this is damn cute. Like taffy sweet cute.”

A smile peeked over her features, green eyes glancing at Sam, “If it’s wrong then I’ve been betting on the wrong horse since high school.”

Their eyes locked in a knowing stare, sharing a silent laugh between them. Clint walked over, eating a piece of celery, “If I didn’t know better I’d say someone’s trying to steal my lady.”

Sam tilted his head back and laughed, playfully punching Clint’s shoulder, “I’m pretty sure this lady knows how to choose well and keep it that way. Nah man, we were talking about -”

Clint snorted, interrupting him, “Dumb and dumber?”

Sam wouldn’t have labeled them that, not yet that is but seemingly he was pretty sure it was very fitting. He gave Clint a nod with a grin, pushing himself off the table to start class.

 

Steve carefully tucked his thumb against his palm and folded his fingers away from the knife, mirroring what Sam had demonstrated. His tongue peeked out for a moment, carefully concentrating on cutting up the vegetables, pleased with himself that they had come out closely uniform in a neat little pile considering how he usually just cut up his vegetables in odd mismatched shapes and shrugged it off. He looked over to see how Bucky had been doing, the male only grinning at him, eating a piece of carrot, “You finally done slowpoke?”

A sigh left Steve’s mouth, looking at how similar the brunette’s work was to Sam’s, “Okay, I’m slowly starting to think you are better than me at cooking. Maybe. You may just be good with knives.”

Bucky grinned with an almost pleased look to it, “I’m actually excellent with knives. Right Clint?”

The blond glanced up from his half mangled vegetables, taking a second to absorb the phrase then nodded with a smile, “He can hit a bullseye across the room no problem! Blind folded even. He’s amazing.” 

Steve looked at Bucky’s smug smile, who was pretending to dust his shoulders off casually and buff his nails on his shirt before giving them a soft blow of air. 

Steve grinned, “What a show off. How’d you learn to be a freaking Russian assassin?”

Collecting their chopped up vegetables together, the brunette placed them in an awaiting bowl giving Steve a small shrug, “Actually I’m Romanian not Russian and Clint taught me. If you want to see amazing, ask him to do some archery for you. Better yet, ask him to throw anything at something else, he will nail it every time never fails. It’s like being deaf made his other senses better, fucking lucky bastard.”

Clint pursed his lips in faux annoyance, tapping the purple colored piece cuffing his ear, his face shifting into a humored grin, “I heard that.”

Rolling his eyes to the horrible joke then gesturing to the blond’s horrible cutting skills, Bucky silently suggested he should possibly go back to focusing on that instead, sticking his tongue out at him. 

 

They all circled around in a group of five during a small break, sharing some of the complimentary wine served with light snacks. 

“So Sam really, how bad is Steve at cooking?”

Sam tilted his head, closing his eyes momentarily as if remembering some episodes coming to his mind a smile crossing his lips before he opened them again to look over the group, “Well, there was this one time I was coming home late and Steve decided it was high time he made something nice for me instead, right? So he pulled up some instructional video on how to make Beef Wellington,” He locked eyes with Steve who ducked his head in embarrassment behind Bucky’s shoulder, “Which by the way Steve why did you try that over a simple roast chicken I have no idea. Anyway I get home, he’s covered in flour wearing a silly chef’s hat he picked up from god knows where. Burnt his hand from the oven, had this charred loaf _thing_ on the stove and he’s looking like a deer in headlights and just blurts out _‘I did everything they said to do!’_ and oh man it was burnt, tasted like the crust was swimming in salt. We tried to cut that baby open but it was still frozen!” 

A roar of laughter rang through them all, Steve groaning softly into Bucky’s shoulder. 

Bucky couldn’t help but laugh louder, raising his opposite arm to mess up Steve’s hair, “Sam, you really need to tell me more embarrassing stories about this guy!”

The brunette grinned wider, “Oh any time my friend, any time. We now definitely should all go out for coffee and share stories.”

Natasha glanced over at the side of Steve’s blushing face, feeling slightly bad for the male, “Why yes we should. I can tell you a few stories about Bucky.”

A surprised squawk escaped from the male, “Hey Tash! No, you don’t know any stories so embarrassing you would tell out loud!”

A mischievous smile spread across her knowing lips, “You wanna bet?”

Bucky waved her away, “Oh god no. Go embarrass your boyfriend.”

Clint raised his head, shaking it, “Come on now. I don’t get embarrassed.”

A soft curse escaped Bucky’s lips, Steve finally raising his head, “You don’t?”

Clint shook his head with a shrug of his shoulders. Natasha confirming it, “He’ll walk naked into a store if you ask him to. He doesn’t much care. I have to remind him to put on clothes sometimes, especially when he has to get the newspaper or the mail.”

“I think it’s more of the fact he’s a bird brain.” Bucky muttered out, giving Clint a playful shove. 

 

Adding some butter to a heating pot, Steve watched silently while he stirred. He held up the flour, silently asking Bucky if it was a good time to add it now. The brunette nodded, bringing the measured milk over to Steve. 

“Any second now I feel like this sauce is going to combust in my face.”

Bucky laughed softly, “Don’t worry, you’re fine.”

Steve felt him playfully elbow him as if trying to knock him out of his slow smooth stirring, arms pressed side by side. He looked over to watch him add the milk to the sauce. Bucky made a gesture with a twirl of his finger to keep mixing while he added. He did as he was told, watching the weird doughy ball of butter and flour begin to smooth out and change to a sauce. Slowly but surely. 

Bucky added a bit more milk for Steve, letting his eyes stray over to his face taking the chance while the blond was concentrating on the sauce. He watched him dart his tongue out a touch, moistening his lips while he stirred, a dust of flour across his forehead. Steve had his head turned down, his lashes almost dancing over his cheeks, Bucky almost wasn’t ready to see when blue eyes turned to stare back at him. His breath was caught in his throat and Steve only smiled before flickering back to the sauce. 

Bucky added the last of the milk, swallowing nervously. “Sorry, you have flour on your face.”

“Can you get it off for me?”

The brunette nodded, setting the heat on the element down low. He wiped his hands on the dish towel nearby, Steve turning to face him. He brought both thumbs up, swiping across the blond’s forehead taking a second to look at him for a moment, Steve’s eyes closed.

_Those stupid damn lashes._

“How are you two doing?" Sam broke in, a pleasant smile on his face, one hand resting lightly on Steve’s shoulder.

Bucky realized he was holding his breath, mouth agape like an idiot. He quickly turned back to the stove, stirring the bechamel sauce, “Looking good.”

“Bucky’s pretty much letting me try to do everything while he makes sure I don’t light myself on fire or anyone else.”

The male glanced over his shoulder from the pot, “Steve’s fine, he acts like he’s worse than he is.”

Okay so Steve almost put in powdered sugar instead of flour in the measuring cup and yes he did almost use over five times the salt needed in the espagnole and he did burn his hand on the element after turning it on then forgetting it was on but he was generally alright.

He heard Sam laugh behind him, knowing better, “You have a saint as a cooking partner Steve, I hope you know that.”

 

“So, you don’t need a ride back with us right? Clint wants to get going so he can walk Lucky and get some pizza, of course after a cooking class with all this food we’re taking back.” Natasha lightly raised the bag in her hands with a smirk.

Bucky nodded, his hands shoved in his pockets while he waiting for Sam to come back with more food containers, “Yep, going out with Loki tonight. I gave him a text so he should be here in a bit.”

The red head nodded to him, leaning in to give his cheek a kiss, “Be good.”

Bucky faked a disgusted look, “Yes mother. Goodnight.” He gave Clint a wave while he waited at the door talking to Steve. He turned back to the counter, going back to packing up the dishes they were supposed to take home.

Sam came back with some take away containers for the soups and sauces, Steve saying his goodbyes then heading off to retrieve a grocery bag from a bin at the side of the room.

“It’s good you and Steve got together again. Did you know that fool lost your phone number when we graduated?”

Bucky glanced up from the pot he was pouring out, grinning at the man, “Yeah he told me. Its funny, I lost his number too. Go figure. I guess its Natasha’s doing with the stupid childish dare and the fact she knows I can pick locks so she was just amusing herself, though I know her, she tends to have good natured ulterior motives so I may have been a patsy to a plan I didn’t know existed.”

A deep laugh came from Sam, tossing his head back while he slapped Bucky on the shoulder, “Of course it was her idea, of course! I remember how she used to suggest things to people to get them to do it back then, she just might have had plans of her own but hey no harm no foul huh? Everything turned out well.”

He nodded in response, glancing over at Steve coming back, holding the bags and a smile, “What turned out well?”

Sam gestured with his finger waving between the pair of them, “That you two got back together as friends. I was telling Bucky it was great.”

A large beaming smile shifted across Steve’s face and it was contagious, Bucky looking at him only to mirror the look, “Yeah, it was a real surprise to see Bucky again but really glad.”

Sam looked at them then smiled, “We-ll I have to finish some paperwork before I can lock up and get out of here so you two have a good night. Steve, we still on for the morning?”

The blond nodded, “See you bright and early Sam, goodnight.”

Bucky gave Sam a wave, packing up all the containers. He presented the bag to Steve, “All yours big guy.”

Taking the bag, Steve gave him a questionable look and Bucky only gave him a shrug. He decided against questioning it, taking the bag, the pair of them heading outside. 

“Can I give you a ride somewhere?”

Bucky’s lips turned up in a smile that seemed partially disappointed that he couldn’t accept, his fingers wrapped around the straps of his backpack, “Love to but my friend is picking me up.”

A black Civic pulled up, windows rolled down while low electronic music played, “And here he is now.”

Steve hung back slightly, watching Bucky walk towards the passenger side, stooping while he beckoned the blond over, a raven haired male with inquisitive green eyes taking a moment to give Steve a once over, a very _thorough_ once over Steve noticed, before looking back at Bucky with a raised brow, “My Dear, you really have a knack for picking out beautiful blonds. Is he coming with us? I truly hope he is.”

Blush spread throughout Steve’s face, looking down at his shoes. Bucky tossed his head back and laughed, “Oh good god Loki, it’s not like that, this is Steve. We used to be friends in high school, just started up again.”

“Loki? God of Trickery. That’s a new one.” Steve blurted out, not thinking.

That smirk he was holding shifted to a scowl, “What about Steve, sounds like every other common shit name.”

Bucky rolled his eyes, “Ladies, be nice.”

Steve finally realized where he had heard the name from, stepping closer to rest a hand on the door, “You’re Thor’s younger brother aren’t you?”

An exasperated groan escaped the male, dramatically falling back into his driver’s seat, “Don’t remind me about that and it’s adopted brother. I’d slit my wrists if I was related to that big oaf.”

Bucky shook his head, “Lay off the dramatics.”

A soft chuckle escaped Steve, “He seems right at home being dramatic. I like it.”

That only buttered up Loki, his eyes gazing admiringly at Steve again, chewing on his lip.

If only Bucky could groan in annoyance, “We’re going to a club if you want to come with.”

“Yes Steven, you should come out with us. A gorgeous specimen like yourself could easily handle the crowd and maybe later I could get you to handle me.” Loki purred out unashamedly, licking his lips, his green eyes locked with Steve’s.

The blush on the Steve’s face grew scarlet, too fixated on how damn beautiful Loki looked and how amazing he would probably look pressed into the mattress -

He felt Bucky nudge him and snap him back into reality, not exactly sure where those thoughts even came from exactly. 

“Earth to Steve, you’re pretty much drooling.”

Loki’s features filled with mirth, playful ruby red lips spreading into a pleased smile, “Oh Darling, he’s only thinking about what I want him to think about,” Green eyes met Steve’s gaze with a hopeful arch of his delicate brow, “What I’d love him to do to me if he’d like to spend a little time my way...”

Bucky watched them eye fucking each other, a look of unexpected vexation across his face. His soft groan finally escaped out, “Okay first, you keep it in your tight ass pants and you,” he jabbed Steve in the chest with his index finger painfully hard, “Stop eye fucking him, you have a boyfriend.”

The raven haired male snorted, “It wouldn’t be the first time someone as beautiful as him had a boyfriend and had his way with me.”

“Rude.”

The other male scoffed, “Just because your one nighters lie to you about not being in a relationship and, bless you, you believe them, doesn’t mean I have to care, Love.”

Bucky rolled his eyes, finally getting into the car, “I’ll see you around Steve.”

The blond smiled and nodded, “Text me later and nice to meet you Loki.”

Loki waved, a devilish smirk across his face, “Oh the pleasure is all mine.”

He watched Steve turn and head through the parking lot, no shame over enjoying his assets. He pressed his hand on his chest, “Oh my goodness James, how have you not pressed that poor boy into the bed sheets yet and that backside..I’m surprised at you. I may just want this one before you get to him.”

Pulling on his seat belt, Bucky shook his head, “No, leave Steve alone. He’s a nice guy and he’s not like that.”

Loki pulled out of the parking lot, a sensual gale of laughter escaping him, “My poor naive little Romanian, they _all_ become like that. You just have to know what button you need to press.”

A small sound of annoyance escaped Bucky and Loki sighed out, “Alright, fine. While he is with a significant other I will behave sexually but not verbally. I’m still going to tell that man how gorgeous he is. If he ever becomes free, it’s all fair game.”

Bucky glared out the window, chewing at his bottom lip, “Yeah fine then, whatever.” 

Loki made a pleased giddy noise, turning the music up.

There was no way in hell he was going to let Loki Laufeyson know he already had a horrible crush on Steve. That would have made matters much worse than it already was and he wasn’t prepared for that.

  
  
Today was one of those days, or well nights. Watching Bucky leave with his friend, Steve called Tony who was amazingly free once he and Bruce finished up their work for the night which he estimated was an hours worth left. He told him to slowly make his way over if he wanted because Steve already knew Tony always wanted him to come over. It had been a good idea, letting his boyfriend know he was feeling a little off and they both knew what that meant. 

The closer Steve got to the Stark tower the more strained he felt. The energy slipping from his body, wanting to only be in Tony’s arms and do absolutely nothing about anything. He felt his anxiousness overcoming him and even though it wasn’t a normal occurrence it was something the pair of them made sure to fix every time it flared up. 

He shuffled past the door gate, the guard already anticipating and waiting for his arrival offering a _good evening Mr. Rogers_ and Steve offered a nod and a smile while his shoulders slumped walking through the small courtyard and through the glass entryway. Tony stood in a simple pair of worn jeans and an AC/DC t-shirt with his hands shoved in his pockets, his hair looking like he hadn’t even tried to use his hands to comb it out because he couldn’t be bothered. His brown eyes brightened, a giant grin spreading over his face, bouncing off the heels of his feet, stepping towards Steve, “My god I thought someone had kidnaped my ridiculously gorgeous boyfriend on his way here.”

Steve practically fell into Tony’s awaiting arms when they came out, the brunette stepping half a foot back to balance the weight out though he said nothing about it only giving a tight squeeze. 

Steve listened to him make an audible sniffing noise, “Steve? Did you smoke before you got here? My god how did you manage that with Sam hovering around you, I’m starting to become a bad influence, excellent."

It was only a little and Sam wasn't around he wanted to say but he couldn't. He felt his anxiety kicking in and it made him feel gross.

He felt Steve press tighter into him, Tony’s hands gently stroking light circles along his back, “Babe? You okay? You’re usually telling me to shut my big mouth about now and then I make a joke about things I can do with that mouth."

The blond pulled back, only enough to stare into his eyes, “I don’t know, I feel weird. Like I said earlier. Think my anxiety is flaring, the closer I got here it was kicking in.”

“You do know textbook separation anxiety kicks in when you’re away from the person right?"

“Shut up Tony, you know I’m never textbook."

He smiled, cupping Steve’s cheeks, eying him for a long moment, “You haven’t gone on one of your all night painting sessions have you?”

He only shook his head in response, the brunette grasping the front of his boyfriend’s shirt to pull him back into his arms, “What do you want to do Sweetheart?”

“Get in bed. I wanna forget this lousy feeling, wherever it’s from. Can you just hold me tonight?”

Tony studied him somberly, “Of course I can, Beautiful.”

He gave Steve a tighter hug, directing him towards the elevators, taking him to his private floor

Steve let himself be led through the large suite, a bed at the far side. Floor to ceiling high windows showing the lights of the city outside but they were so high up there was no threat of anyone catching Tony Stark doing things in the bedroom. He was stopped at the end of the bed, Tony carefully peering at him his eyes slightly going up, only a few inches shorter. He cupped Steve’s cheeks gently, his thumbs lightly stroking his prominent cheekbones watching Steve slowly close his eyes and relax. He stripped off their clothing, leading the blond to the bed to bury themselves like they always did under the warm and awaiting blankets to hold onto each other. Only this time Tony took no plans to do anything tonight except ease his lover out of his befuddlement. 

They faced each other, brown eyes curiously watching his face. Tony kept his arms tenderly around Steve, looking at him with a soft careful smile, “Do you want to talk about it?” 

Steve hugged him tight, shaking his head against he crook of his neck. He wouldn’t even know how to start, he just felt it. An odd cloud of anxiety pressing down against his tired shoulders. It pinched and ground in, there was never a warning about it, it just happened and usually Steve would have to wait it out or find a way to get rid of it. He sighed softly at the feel of Tony’s hands stroking his bare skin. He knew it was causing his tension to melt away, and for that he was grateful, breathing out slow and comfortably. 

Tony kept constant physical contact on him to keep him from becoming lost in the feeling of losing himself, his hand stroking his hair lightly, watching Steve’s eyes slip closed. “I wanted to tell you I was sorry for standing you up on Sunday, just something important came up last minute and I couldn’t just ignore it. I know I said that when I called you later that night but I wanted to say it again in person. I felt really terrible for doing it.” 

Steve didn’t answer, only snuggling closer to him. He didn’t open his eyes, curling his fingers with the brunette’s, “It’s okay. I was pretty mad but it was lucky that I ran into Bucky.” 

He got no response, his eyes slowly opened to look at Tony clenching his jaw unconsciously and the blond only laughed at him. It mildly surprised him considering how bad he felt only a few seconds ago but it was nice and it was natural even right then. “Stop. Who am I laying down beside? Don’t make mad faces.” 

Tony pulled him close, “You could always live in the tower then you could lay beside me all the time. You’d get everything you wanted, you know.”

Steve chuckled lightly, pressing his forehead against Tony’s, the sides of their noses brushing softly, “And feel like you’re my sugar daddy? I think I’ll pass.” 

“Aww..” Tony softly protested, leaning in to kiss Steve slow and soft. “But then you’d have me all the time Baby and I don’t see anything wrong with me being your sugar daddy even though I’m much too young to be a sugar daddy but I do love the name.” 

A soft giggle escaped Steve, feeling the hairs from Tony’s goatee tickling his chin. The blond squirmed in Stark’s arms, pulling his head back and away. Tony took the opportunity to playfully bite and nibble his exposed neck, eliciting a moan from him. “I thought you just wanted to cuddle?” Tony mumbled against his skin with a smirk. 

Steve nodded, “I do.” 

“Well another part of your body isn’t with the program then.” 

Blush spread over his whole body, Tony gingerly pushing Steve onto his back. He lifted his eyes to smile at him, planting a kiss on his lips, “Do you know how beautiful you are Steve?” 

A small huff escaped the embarrassed male, draping an arm over his face. His blush growing brighter against his pale skin, Tony already knew it ran all over his body from his head to his adorable toes. The brunette half draped his body against Steve’s, trying to pry his arm from his face so he could look at him, “I’m serious you god damn insecure Adonis. I love you, gimmie a kiss.” 

Steve raised his head, allowing his arm to get moved off his face. Their lips pressed together and Steve felt himself melt back into the pillows, swinging his arms around Tony’s neck, settling in to the kiss. The brunette drew back a little, peering at Steve carefully, trying to read how he was feeling, a smile lightly brushing his lips and the blond smiled back. Steve pressed his lips back up against Tony’s, languid and gentle. He raised his hand to caress the back of Tony’s head, fingers sliding in to tangle into the dark brown strands pulling him down closer. Steve felt himself relax more, loving the feel of Tony’s mouth against his, feeling his boyfriend’s hand roaming slowly along his chest, giving his nipple a light pinch causing him to jump. Tony chuckled against his mouth, still pressed at Steve’s side. His palm brushed along each muscle and curve against his lover’s stomach, a buzzing warmth blooming through Steve. 

“You feel so damn soft, I love it.” the brunette murmured against flushed red lips; Tony tilted his head and moved his mouth down to Steve’s throat, nibbling and sucking in various spots, occasionally using the light pressure of his teeth to mark him up. 

Steve’s groaned out, his fingers tightening into his hair. The male raised his head up, glancing at Steve’s flushed face, “What do you need Sweetheart?” 

He watched him bite his lip, his face growing redder and Tony could only smile knowingly, peppering kisses along Steve’s collarbone, his hand that had been resting at Steve’s navel dipping down to wrap around the blond’s already completely hard and leaking cock. Immediately a whimper of his name escaped Steve’s lips, his hips instinctively arching into his hand and it only left Tony more amused than anything, “And here I thought you were going to just want cuddles tonight..”

  


Steve shifted in the bed, feeling Tony tighten his hold around his slim waist lost in a deep slumber. It made him feel perfect and protected; it was sometimes odd to admit considering how he looked but he really needed it so badly. Tony was always there to hold him, even when it didn’t lead to what just happened but sometimes Steve couldn’t help himself and if it made him feel better, why not? Either way, it was nice to just someone to be here for him and to tell him it was all okay and that he was safe. His boyfriend was that someone and he couldn’t be happier for that. He was appreciative and felt appreciated, his fingers lightly feeling out the soft silky fabric of the pillow case.

Tony made a small noise in his sleep, snuggling up closer against Steve’s back, his face burying into his hair, completely melting skin against skin. It was warm and soft and _amazing_ yet Steve still laid there in the dark wondering why he couldn’t get to sleep. His eyes searched out the clock in the darkness, reading 2am. He knew he had dozed for a little bit but he never really slept. Something felt _different_ and he really couldn’t pinpoint what it was. It wasn’t so bad but not being able to sleep over something mysteriously minor had him feeling confused. 

It didn’t take him too long to realize he was going nowhere fast, gingerly wiggling out of Tony’s hold without waking him up. He fished for his boxers, pulling them on before he turned back to the bed. Tony was out like a light, quietly snoring away. Automatically he swiped his phone off the night stand, strolling silently through the open floor planned area making his way to the kitchen to get a water. City lights twinkled around him, appreciating the quiet, his bare feet tingling to the wonderful heat radiating off the floors. The heavy feel of his phone reminded him again he was holding it, glancing back towards the bed before looking at the locked screen. 

Was it bad form to check your phone when you couldn’t sleep?

He wasn’t entirely sure. 

He unlocked it, pretty sure it wasn’t. Leaning against the counter next to the fridge, the first message was from Sam asking if a movie on Saturday was a good idea as a get together. He knew by now Sam would be asleep and god so should he. He sent a text back that it was a great idea and he would ask Bucky.

Which led to the second text waiting for him.

_**Buckybuck** : This club blows. Would rather get a beer and hang out for movies, lame huh? Rogers you’re making me turn into an old man like you._

Steve smiled, staring at the text for a long moment before thinking of typing back something. The message was sent around midnight, not sure replying to it would even be worth it right now. Though Bucky had always mentioned being up late.

 _ **Steve** : I dunno Buck, might be mixing me up with a different Rogers. I just had some mind blowing sex, so I was nowhere near a movie or a_ _beer._

He smirked to himself, resting the phone on the counter. He opened the fridge to retrieve one of the water bottles, taking a long drink before his eyes shifted to his phone vibrating across the surface.

_**Buckybuck** : You had a better night than me then and now I’m surprised and jealous. :(_

Steve couldn’t help but let out a laugh, his phone chiming again.

_**Buckybuck** : Wait if you had such amazing sex, why are you still awake???_

_**Steve** : I don’t know, just couldn’t sleep._

It only took a few seconds before his phone rang, Steve not being able to help himself with a grin, a horrible large one. He grabbed his water bottle and headed for a place to sit down, hitting the green button.

“So, what’re you wearing?”

Steve let out a snort, falling against one of the couches, sprawling himself out. He could hear the slight wind crackling against the line, Bucky’s breathing a little heavy but leveled out. “Are you drunk? Where are you?”

“Honestly? No goddamn idea..to both questions.”

“And you’re walking?” The smile disappeared off Steve’s face, sitting up slightly in worry.

“Not exactly. I called a cab, but I told them to get me at the coffee place over here so I’m trying to get to said coffee place before the cab but I can always call another one too. I’m hungry, so food first, I just don’t know this fucking area too well.”

Steve listened to the sounds of what sounded like he was jogging, before the jingling of a door, relaxing him back to laying out again, “Find the coffee place?”

“Yep, I was pretty sure I was going the right way. Yeah can I get a coffee to go, lots of milk, two sugars and yeah, I’ll take one of those, thanks. You say something, Steve?”

“Nah, was listening to you and your horrible coffee order.”

He chuckled in return, “You never answered my question.”

“Now I know you _are_ drunk.”

“Slightly. Here, thanks. Keep the change.”

The door jingled again, the wind taking over for a few seconds before Bucky opened another door, the cabby’s voice cutting in. Bucky barely muttered out an address, biting into whatever he had ordered with the coffee.

Steve tucked his free hand behind his head, staring out at the lights again. He idly ran his toes along the arm of the couch just comfortable with listening to Bucky say perfectly nothing, he was that bored. 

“Still there Steve?”

“Yup, was letting you eat.”

“You’re a Sweetheart,” He drawled out and Steve only blushed. Yeah, Bucky never spoke like that when he was sober. He was impressed at how normal he sounded. “You should sleep.”

Steve only hummed softly, shrugging even though Bucky’s couldn’t see him do that. “I was trying to but I just kept waking up.”

“You need more sex then. Tell your boyfriend to wear you out.”

“He’s asleep, and I wouldn’t wake him up for sex when he’s already all relaxed from it.”

“Psh I’d love it. You can always wake me back up for more sex Stevie.”

Steve started laughing, moving his hand to cover his face, “My god, drink your coffee. How much do you fucking hold back when you’re sober, Geez Louise!”

Bucky laughed louder, “I think the cabbie’s getting mad, he thinks I’m having phone sex or something. Told me its extra if the back seat gets dirty or sumthin’.”

That only made Steve laugh louder, trying to cover his mouth with his forearm so it didn’t echo and wake Tony up. He pressed his feet into the couch, grabbing one of the cushions to press against his face, silent huffs of laugher straining out.

They had fallen into that comfortable silence again. Steve listened to Bucky’s soft breathing against the phone, his occasional mutters of if Steve was still there and pleased replies after he confirmed like it was all he needed to carry on the call. He smiled to himself, rolling to his side to curl up. He let his eyes close, only startling open again when the cabbie was asking if this was the right place. Bucky must had nodded, the sound of paper shuffling and an affirmation to keep the change then he was outside again.

“You passing out on me Steve? Am I that boring or that good?”

Did he really pass out? He checked the time, almost 3am. 

Shit.

“M’sorry Buck. Got comfortable.”

He chuckled, “I’ll take that as a compliment. I’m home though, feeling tired. I’m gonna go to bed in a second, text me later?”

Steve pulled himself off the couch with a small groan, the distance from him to the bed was far too vast. “Yeah, I will. I should sleep, Sam’s gonna kill me.”

Keys jingled in the doorway, the distinct sound of a dog bark was heard and Bucky sounding like he was talking to a small baby. Steve bit back a smile, “Never pegged you for owning a dog.”

“Me? Nah that’s Clint’s dog. Hold on a sec.”

Steve moved back towards the bed, carefully sliding back in, laying himself out on his back to stare up at the ceiling. A yawn managed to escape him, grateful he was finally getting tired. He patiently waited for Bucky go up some stairs and into a bedroom. 

“There we go. I didn’t wanna keep talking in the doorway while they were sleeping. Anyway, keep in mind what I said. If you dont pass out, just wake him up okay?”

He chuckled, “I’ll remember. Goodnight Buck.”

Steve could hear the smile in his voice, “Night Steve.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm always gonna thank [Starspangledbucky ](http://starspangled-bucky.tumblr.com/) because we laugh about potatoes way too much.


	4. It's kids stuff.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky and Steve's first Life Drawing class is a nightmare for one of them. Bad pick up lines ensue later. Sam is definitely judging you Steve. Let's go to the movies. Steve needs to quit reading romance novels or maybe more of them?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second part of chapter 3 but lets just keep it chapter 4 because reasons.

**Early September, 2015**  
  
  


That old familiar smell came back to Bucky as soon as he opened the door. It was of pencils, paints and wood. It was also stuffy too, even with windows open these classrooms were always so stuffy. 

His fingers grabbed another handful of fries from the paper bag in his hand, looking around at the pieces from, he assumed, other students in morning classes that actually went to this school. He kept his hood over his head, not particularly interested in socializing, his eyes examining a distractingly weird piece before he felt someone nudge him. 

Steve locked eyes when he glanced over, tugging his arm sleeve, “I need coffee and you have to come have coffee with me.”

Who was he to argue?

Trashing the fast food bag, Bucky followed after Steve, the blond giving him a playful smile. Bucky looked at him suspiciously, raising his brows slowly, “What?”

“Do you remember anything you said last night? It was pretty hilarious.”

He pouring himself a cup, drowning it with powdered milk and too much sugar. Bucky looked back over at Steve, “Of course I did, why I didn’t bring it up. Sometimes I say stupid crap, just ignore me.”

“Aw but I was having fun.”

Bucky smirked, shaking his head, “No problem then. Don’t get mad if I tell you to send me nudes.”

He heard Steve choke on his saliva behind him, whirling around to pat him on his back, “Sorry, it was a joke.”

Red faced, Steve managed to catch himself finally. He lightly patted his chest, wincing a little. He nodded back at Bucky, getting what he meant though the burn in his throat lingered wishing he hadn’t been so off guard. 

“Really, I told you to ignore shit I say.” Bucky chuckled softly, grabbing a stir stick to mix his coffee.

“I really have no idea how you can even say you drink coffee with the amount of junk you put in it.”

He glanced up, giving Steve a raise of his brow; Steve’s own face staring at the beige colored drink with a look of mild disgust, still rubbing his throat. 

Bucky only smiled after that, taking a small sip cringing at the chalky flavor from the milk. He nodded towards the helmets his friend held, “You brought an extra. You giving me a ride Rogers?”

Steve shoved the helmet into Bucky’s free hand flashing a grin, “You mentioned you were probably going to get dropped off in your text so I took the liberty.”

The brunette smiled behind the styrofoam cup, he hated Steve so much. So sweet and so considerate. He wanted to kiss that polite, gentle and adorable look off his face and maybe bend him over one of the tables-

Bucky shook the thoughts out of his mind, choking down another mouthful of coffee, nodding as he looked at helmet, “I don’t even know if I want to wear this thing, I’m a wind in my hair kinda guy.”

Steve moved over to pour himself a cup of coffee glancing over his shoulder, “If you want to ride with me you will be.”

Bucky made a soft hum sound in response, he figured he could tolerate it if it meant holding on tight to the driver, casually giving him a shrug. Steve only rolled his eyes, checking his watch. He tilted his head towards some seats and Bucky followed him over. 

A group of twelve or so chairs and easels were set up around a slightly raised chair obviously meant for their model. Steve placed his bag down next to an empty chair, Bucky parking himself in the one next to him, shrugging his backpack off. The blond removed his own supplies from a small pencil case, Bucky abruptly letting out a choked out sound next to him.

“Steve..Steeevve!” Bucky loudly whispered, jabbing his elbow repeatedly into his side after sliding his chair directly against Steve’s own chair. He looked up at him warily, the brunette’s elbow still prodding him, eyes fixated across the room.

“What is it Bucky, and if you don’t stop I’m gonna break your arm.”

“Fucking hell.” The brunette muttered, ignoring him momentarily to move his easel slightly closer to Steve’s, ducking down behind it.

Steve looked across the way but too many people had been gathered for him to figure out what was going on, “What? What is it?”

Bucky looked back at him, crouched in his chair, “Is that our model? I gotta go, I really gotta go!”

“What?” Steve peeked over, spying the teacher talking to a lean tall sandy blond standing in a bathrobe. If he wasn’t here to model then he must have made a very wrong turn. His eyes suddenly narrowed, ducking down to Bucky’s level, “What did you do?”

Bucky shrugged helplessly, “We kinda had a one nighter and I kinda said I would call him and I kinda didn’t! Steve I didn’t think I would see this guy again, what was I supposed to say?!”

Steve pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyance, “Bucky that’s awful. You’re awful. Maybe he won’t remember you, how long ago was it?”

The brunette looked at him sheepishly, contemplating an answer. Steve raised a brow, disapproval written across his face, “Bucky..”

“Last night.”

Steve thought for a moment, his brows suddenly disappearing into his hairline, “Wait, when? After the class?”

Bucky shrugged helplessly and nodded.

“So you were with me at dinner and then you went and fucked some guy?!”

Some students nearby froze, looking towards them, Bucky widening his eyes gesturing the male to calm down. Steve realized the nature of what he yelled, faking a cough before pretending to rifle through his bag. 

Steve huddled beside Bucky, “Seriously, last night? Bucky! Maybe he won’t notice you and we can get out of here as soon as class is over, no chit chat.”

The brunette nodded begrudgingly after rolling it over in his mind. He adjusted the easel more to obscure his sight from the center, nervously tapping his pencil against his thigh. Steve gave him a glance over, “Relax. It’s probably nothing. He’s prolly use to it. He looks like a twink.”

Bucky laughed, relaxing back in his chair with a shake of his head. 

The woman they assumed correctly as the teacher came to the center of the room. Her deep rich dark brown hair tied back into a pony tail, “Hello everyone, welcome to Life Drawing. My name is Maria Hill, I’ll be here at every class to teach and help you with critiques, tips and pointers. If you would like to talk after class about any thing art related, heck even before then you can catch me, I’m all ears.”

Their model quietly sat in his robe on his chair waiting while Ms. Hill elaborated in detail on what everyone would be expecting for the classes and so on. Steve curiously studied the male for a moment, trying to understand something. He leaned his head close to Bucky’s, the brunette closing in the space slightly, “So, I have to ask, why this guy? I have no idea what your type is but he doesn’t look like your type.”

Bucky laughed under his breath, giving Steve a careful gaze though the blond was too busy still trying to understand what exactly Bucky saw in this guy in the first place. He watched him straighten in his chair, Bucky following his gaze as he and the rest of the group watched their model disrobe and he distinctly heard Steve make a small _tch_ sound with his tongue, “Nevermind, I see now.” 

Bucky laughed, trying to muffle it behind Steve’s art book, blushing furiously.

Steve grinned wryly, looking back at Bucky then back at the other male, “Oh really? Now you’re hiding behind there and blushing after you told me you slept with that guy and didn’t expect to see him again?”

Bucky bowed his head, blindly shoving the blond, Steve couldn’t help but laugh, shifting closer, “At least now I can appreciate what you saw.”

“Oh my god Rogers, shut up.”

Steve muffled his laughter, picking up his pencil to start his lines, “You sure you don’t want to talk to him? Take him out on a date?” 

Bucky only glared at him, “He cried during his orgasm, no thanks.”

Steve almost exploded with laughter, clutching himself as he bit back the urge to throw his head back and let it all out. Tears filled his eyes, shoulders quaking as he turned to look at Bucky. Bucky only nodded, looking mildly disturbed about it. The brunette dropped his head closer, “Mouth like a hoover but cries like a baby. Can you believe that? I noped the fuck right outta there. Why the hell do you think you and I were talking last night when I could have been sleeping or doing more of that guy? Jesus. I went home to pet the dog Steve, the dog, I ran home to Clint's dog. Think about that.”

Steve only held himself tighter, face growing bright red struggling to hold it all back, his foot kicking out to somehow stomp out the energy. The brunette grinned, pressing a finger to his lips, lightly patting Steve, “You okay there bud?”

The dirty blond nodded, shaking in his chair his nostrils flaring as he attempted to get his breath back. Bucky watched him with a smile feeling his ears warm a slight touch. Steve’s hand landed on Bucky’s shoulder, falling into his side still trying to control the laughter he wanted to let out. Bucky only smirked, bracing Steve incase he leaned too far forward in his seat and rolled right off. 

“Shh, you’re going to get us in trouble!”

Steve grinned into Bucky’s shoulder muttering an apology after wiping his eyes. Bucky silently reveled at the blond’s face pressing into his shoulder collecting himself before rubbing his face with a grin. He only smirked back, turning to his canvas finally starting on his own piece. 

 

There had always been a weird kind of inner peace for Bucky when he drew. After all the laughter and finally cringe free of subject matter, he let himself relax and go. It had been a while he had put pencil to paper, his main medium being clay but it felt good to him and he was glad Steve brought it back to his attention.

Steve.

He attempted to casually look over, Steve’s blue eyes focused on the work at hand. He was fixated, his eyes narrowed in an almost furtive way at times. His brows knit and scrunched together above his nose like it always had back in high school. He pressed his lips together unconsciously from time to time, though in general it stayed in a frown. 

Bucky couldn’t help but smile at how serious Steve would always look, lost in his own head. His grey blue eyes floated to his canvas subtly, his breath almost caught in his throat. He always knew Steve was much better than him but he could never get over just how good. He remembered every time he would look he would end up in an appreciative awe. Apparently it was still happening, lost in the details his hand stilled over his own piece. Despite the subject, Steve had managed to bring out so much emotion in their eyes and face. 

“Looks really captivating doesn’t it?”

Bucky straightened up with a start, feeling a hand resting on his shoulder. He glanced over, Ms. Hill smiling down at him. Steve looked up, his face softening and losing all intensity. 

“Steve..Rogers, isn’t it?”

Steve nodded with a polite smile, “Yes ma’am.”

She smiled, “Your piece seems to have so much emotion tied to it. Are all your works like this?”

A shrug escaped Steve, opening his mouth to comment but Bucky quickly nodded, “Yep, I still don’t know why this guy isn’t selling some of this stuff honestly.”

Ms. Hill turned with a pleasant smile, examining Bucky’s work, “And your work has emotion but you seem like you are holding back some of it away, inside you.”

Steve turned his head to look at the piece, studying it for a moment his pencil softly tapping at his thigh, “She’s right you know Buck. I think you got more than you’re letting on.”

The instructor smiled, “Not to address that you are really detailed in your work though. It’s in the details you seem to be showing you may know more than you’re allowing.”

A snort of laughter escaped from Steve, his hand immediately slapping over his mouth, Bucky gave the blond a death glare complete with daggers. His eyes shifted to their teacher and he nodded in discomfort, “So every week we switch right. Its not the same model, I really wanted a range.”

She nodded, “Correct.”

“Oh thank god,” Bucky muttered under his breath as she walked towards the next student. “I swear I would have quit. I’m sorry Steve, just no. Not drawing this cry baby every class, I know I’m worth more than that.”

Steve didn’t look up, though a smile crept across his face, “You’re a total drama queen Buck, you know that?”

“Excuse you Mister GQ magazine, has to have the latest styles but wears sweats all day in his house.”

Steve grunted in reply, eventually saying something about liking how he looked in public and Bucky only snorted back at that, too busy in his own work. 

Two hours had passed surprisingly quick, Steve admiring his work for a long while as Ms. Hill announced how great the session was and that she was proud of the amazing work everyone was doing and hopefully everyone was returning next week.

Bucky immediately bolted up, grabbing everything quickly, Steve giving him a look, “Okay when I said we could leave as soon as it was over I didn’t mean like a typhoon.”

“Sorry.” Bucky muttered, flopping back down in his chair. He looked around for something to do, brushing a hand through his brown hair anxiously, a soft huff of air escaping him. He collected Steve’s book, putting it into his bag for him as he waited for the blond to collect all his other supplies off the easel. 

“Bucky?”

“Oh lord.” A hand rushed to his mouth, Steve looking up past Bucky to the model standing hopeful behind him, thankfully back in his robe. The brunette made a small panicked face, slowly rising to get up, “Hey Gary.”

The sandy blond smiled, “It’s Greg but it was close.”

Steve watched Greg move in to give Bucky an awkward unsure hug which Bucky only gave more of an awkward hug back in return which made Steve cringe a lot more than what he expected. He finished collecting up his supplies, slinging his bag over his shoulder. 

“Hey so it’s a fluke you showed up here huh? You didn’t call I guess you were busy and stuff. I just wanted to tell you I had a great time and I know I said that before but since we’re here and all..did you want to get a coffee or something?”

Bucky laughed nervously, flashing a smile as his hand ran through his hair again gripping a handful trying to come up with an answer. Steve only rolled his eyes, figuring he better get Bucky out of this one plus him owing a favor was always useful. 

“Babe, what’s he talking about? I thought you were going to take me out for coffee.” Steve pulled himself out of his chair, draping an arm around Bucky’s shoulders peering at the model in a hopeful _get a hint_ smile.

Greg looked at Bucky’s mildly surprised face then to Steve’s face, “But you said you didn’t have a boyfriend?”

Bucky quickly snaked his arm around Steve’s waist, pulling him against his hip, “When I met you I didn’t. This is my ex, well used to be my ex boyfriend. He came back into my life this morning, we really wanted to try to fix things between us. Yeah, it’s why I didn’t call. Sorry.”

Steve smiled widely, nodding as he draped himself over Bucky, “Isn’t he just to die for? I knew I couldn’t let him go, I just had to get him back. I just love him so much.”

Bucky felt his face burn red, forcing out a steady laugh, squeezing Steve’s hip, “Yeah I just love this guy. I was really heartbroken without him. I really want to work this out.”

Greg nodded, a disappointed look on his face but he smiled falling for the farce, “Oh man wow, how embarrassing for me. I guess its just bad luck. Well I hope it works out for the both of you.” 

The blond moved forward, an awkward swing of his hands to hug Bucky again, “But if it doesn’t call me.”

The brunette choked down a mixture of a laugh and a cry, nodding as he squinted with slight winced pain, “Yep, see you later Gabe, I mean Greg. Yeah, bye.”

Steve waved cheerily, “Bye Greg!”

The pair tore out towards the parking lot, Bucky releasing a heavy sigh of relief, resting a hand on his chest leaning against Steve’s still wrapped arm, “Oh my god you saved my life! I owe you big time Steve.”

Steve grinned, giving the male a squeeze as they strolled towards his motorcycle, “Yeah you definitely owe me big for that, though I really hope this isn’t a common occurrence or else I’m going to have to make you rent me out for the night.”

Bucky smiled, his hand comfortably draped around Steve’s waist, “Hmm Rogers, I’m not exactly sure if you’re either calling me a whore or if you’re trying to prostitute yourself to me.”

The blond laughed, shaking his head, “When you say it like that, I don’t know which one is worse.”

He dropped his arm, holding out one of the two helmets. 

Bucky moved his own arm, with an internal protest, rolling his eyes as he took the item with a groan, “Are you really going to make me wear this thing? It’s gonna mess up my hair.”

Steve raised a brow, “Buck your hair’s always a mess.”

“That’s the style Steve.”

The blond looked at him quizzically not exactly sure how to respond to that. He pulled his own helmet on, getting on his bike, adjusting his satchel as he lifted his visor, “I’m not risking your head cracking open on the road. Either put it on or walk.”

Bucky stared at the helmet with a frown, “You know, I’ve never been on a motorcycle before.”

He watched Steve’s eyes crinkle with a smile, “You’ll love it, just mind the bumps and hold on tight to me.”

The brunette gave a small shrug, pulling the black helmet on. Steve turned the key in the ignition then started the motor, fingers gliding over the handle. Bucky swung his leg over, fitting up behind Steve, bringing his hands down to rest against hips.

“You’re gonna have to hold on tighter if you don’t wanna fall off.”

Bucky only rolled his eyes, scooting closer to wrap his arms around Steve’s waist. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to, he was just afraid what it might do to him. That’s all he would need while they rode back.

They rode out of the parking lot, Bucky watching to the side seeing how quickly they were passing by everything.

As time passed, Bucky felt himself grow more comfortable to the ride, realizing it wasn’t as bad as he figured it would be. Suddenly Steve hit a bump, jostling the brunette for a second. Bucky peered back through the visor wondering what he hit, his arms tightening around Steve in worry. 

The blond leaned against his counterpart, “You good?!”

“Yes! Was surprised!”

Steve only nodded. Bucky, giving in to the fact he could get away with it, pressed in closer. He clasped his hands together tighter, embracing them against hard muscle, his head tilting to look over Steve’s shoulder to watch the route he was taking as his thighs tightened up against Steve’s. He exhaled a rush of warm air from his lips, the helmet only causing it to brush back into his face, his cheeks flushing. He had been fantasizing for god knows how long to be in this position but now he silently prayed to whoever all mighty to get him out of the situation and end the ride so he could quit enjoying this. 

The tree lined street suddenly looked familiar and with a turn Steve entered the parking garage, parking his bike at a small corner. Bucky immediately slid his helmet off, clambering off the back, groaning out softly.  
“God I think I’ve become bowlegged.”

Steve laughed, watching the brunette waddle uncomfortably this way and that trying to get the use of his long legs again. He pulled off his own helmet, still grinning, “Will you ride with me again or was this your first and last time?”

Rubbing his thighs wearily, Bucky glanced up, stretching himself out, “Maybe I’ll ride with you again, I think I broke my fucking tailbone on one of those hard bumps though.”

Steve smirked, walking over to him with his arm swinging around his shoulders, “C’mon, I’ll get you a beer.”

  


Bucky pulled himself up, lifting his sweater off the couch, “Well thanks for the beer, I’m gonna get going.”

Steve tilted his head up from the television catching Bucky’s eyes. The brunette flashed him a wide goofy grin, pulling his hoodie on over his head, fixing his hair with a quick couple of swipes. Steve felt a strong instinct to stop him, the fingers of his free hand idly pinching at the material of his couch while he swirled the leftover beer he had in his bottle in his other hand. He really wondered where the feeling came from, tugging at him from somewhere he couldn’t quite pinpoint. 

“You can crash here if you want. I don’t really care or mind.” He quickly blurted out, his bottle racing to his mouth beginning to chug down his beer not knowing why he had thrown that out.

Bucky gave him a grateful smile, “Thanks but your couch isn’t that great, no offense.” 

He started for the door again, Steve swallowing heavily before he turned and watched him unlock it, “My bed then?”

The brunette balked, then gave him a _look_ and Steve felt his face flush; he choked out a laugh, “I meant my bed’s big, if you’re not weirded out by it you can sleep there.”

Bucky wasn’t entirely sure why Steve was so eager to keep him there, he frankly wasn’t going to ask. If Steve wanted to get in his pants he may let him, fuck Stark, though he was sure that was a false threat. He definitely didn’t want to be the guy in the middle. He was pretty sure that wasn’t why he offered but he did look good watching him from the couch nursing the beer bottle at his mouth looking like a confused puppy. 

_Jesus Christ._

Bucky shrugged, “Doesn’t weird me out, though usually when a guy says that he generally wants something else.”

Steve laughed, watching the brunette shuffle back onto the couch beside him, “Nah not me. I like the company. I haven’t lived alone for a long time. I’ve been so used to living with Sam for so long when I finally decided to move out and spread my wings so to speak, I hadn’t realized it meant no one would be talking to me in the evening or all those other small things you take for granted. Then that night you were here, as weird as it was,” he shrugged, “It was nice to get to know you and you’re always around. I really enjoy hanging out with you except for those two weeks we didn’t talk.”

Bucky had been looking at his hands on his lap while Steve spoke, finally brushing one through his hair in almost a deliberate shy manner, “Yeah sorry about that, just some family things. I live with them, haven’t moved out yet which is why I’m always here or else I’d be telling you to come over to my hang out place from time to time.”

Steve nodded, his eyes roaming back to the television. He never knew who Bucky was talking about when he said his family. Back in school they only had one Advanced Placement class, Bucky evidently getting other advanced classes that weren’t what he went to and he himself had a lot of different classes. The school was so large it wasn’t too weird to only know him from one class. Nonetheless, he could never recall a moment Bucky talked about his family. Only that he had a mom in some way shape or form. He could have a goldfish named dad for all he knew and that was it...as weird as Steve decided that was. 

The pair of them hung around for the end of the show they had been watching before Bucky lightly slapped Steve’s chest, “Hey you mind if I take a shower before I sleep?”

Steve nodded, flipping off the television, “No problem. Sounds like a good time as any to start getting set for bed anyway.”

Bucky followed Steve down the small hallway to his room. His reappearance in the bedroom brought the past memory of Tony having sex with Steve flood back into his head. “Oh god,” he blurted out, laughing out after his legs froze to the floor. He brushed his hands over his face, letting out a short groan, “You changed the sheets right?"

Steve snapped his head back at the him, “Really Bucky? Geez. Of course I did.” He blushed furiously, his ears tingling from the sudden warmth. The color bloomed out beneath his collar, sure that it was completely going over his whole body. 

Bucky only laughed behind him, the blond refusing to look at him.

Steve opened his drawer pulling out grey sweatpants and a white t-shirt. He placed them on the bed, “Here’s some stuff you can wear, the pants may slightly big but you can always tighten them so should be fine. I never tossed the toothbrush you used last time so its in the bathroom drawer. I figured you would need it again. Feel free to use whatever in the shower and there’s extra towels in the hall closet. I..I maybe have a new pack of underwear somewhere or something..”

Bucky picked up the clothing with one arm, examining Steve for a long moment, then he flashed him a smile when their eyes met only making Steve blush harder, “I got some underwear in my backpack, thanks though. Your pitch is so casual though, get a lot of sleep over guests?”

Steve wasn’t sure if Bucky meant what he thought he meant, smiling in slight embarrassment once again. He folded over the bed covers, picking up his book from the night table to tuck under his armpit, “Not exactly, just like making people comfortable when they’re in my home.” 

“No need to be embarrassed you dork, never meant it like you were picking up guys and fucking them. Don’t know a lot of people that like being prepared, that’s all.” Bucky gave him a light punch at his side, turning to move out towards the bathroom. 

 

Steve checked his phone, frowning softly at it. Tony hadn’t left a text in hours. His last message saying something about a possible breakthrough or a possible trip to the hospital. The billionaire hadn’t been sure yet and said he would keep him updated. There hadn’t yet been an update after so many hours and phone calls went straight to voice mail. He barely noticed Bucky return to the bedroom, putting his pile of clothing on a chair then walk over, his hands fiddling with tying the drawstrings of his sweatpants tighter around his waist. Bucky glanced over at Steve boring holes into his phone already sure of why he was. He climbed in and settled into his side of the bed, cracking open a book he had grabbed from the bookshelf. 

The scent of his soap filled the blond’s senses for a moment snapping him out of his cloud, blue eyes glancing up to his friend, a blank dumbfounded expression on his face.

“What?” Bucky inquired, not raising his eyes.

“You smell good. Not used to the smell of my soap on someone else.” It was making him feel nice for some weird reason.

A smirk crept along Bucky’s face, “Are you hitting on me?”

A huff of a laugh escaped Steve, “God I can never say anything without it sounding like a come on with you can I?”

“I’m so used to getting hit on with the most lamest lines you can imagine. I just started making a joke with everything people say at me.”

Bucky turned the page of his book, Steve biting his lip in thought for a second. He leaned, slightly whispering, "Can you touch my hand? I want to tell my friends I've been touched by an angel."

Immediately Bucky rolled his eyes, turning to look at him, “Are you fucking serious?”

Steve grinned widely, keeping his gaze, “Remember me? Oh, that’s right, I’ve met you only in my dreams."

The brunette rolled his eyes, “No, don’t even.”

This only made Steve push, “I like every bone in your body, especially mine.”

Bucky groaned at that one, releasing a small huff from the side of his mouth. His gaze shifted when he looked at Steve, giving him a smoldering look as he leaned in to lightly tug at Steve’s shirt, “Come over and sit on my lap, and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up.”

Steve ducked his head averting his gaze as he thought, his bottom lip disappearing between his lips for a moment. He looked back at Bucky who was still tugging at his top and nodded at him knowingly. He matched the same sensual look, dropping eyes to Bucky’s fingers then back to his face, his tone sweet, "Go on; feel my shirt. It's made of boyfriend material."

They both stared at each other for a long moment, Steve’s mouth twitching at the corner, Bucky’s grey blue eyes brightening. Both broke out in sudden roar of laughter, Bucky’s book covering his face to drown out his roar of amusement, his shoulders shaking. Steve fell back on his pillow, trying to quickly wipe away his tears, more freely flowing the harder he laughed, Bucky’s cackle only encouraging him to laugh harder. A sudden snort escaped Steve, causing Bucky’s eyes to widen when he heard it, barking out another laugh. The pair falling to pieces for a good while before they could get their breathing back to normal. 

“My god,” Bucky huffed out, one hand pressed into his chest feeling his heart rate trying to settle back in, his eyes staring straight up into the ceiling of the apartment. “This is the first time I’ve tried to get my breathing back in a bed and its not sex related.”

Steve equally tried to catch his breath, face pressed down into his pillow, turning his head with a grin. His blue eyes sparkled in amusement, nodding to the comment, “Yeah, me too.”

A hand playfully slapped Steve on his back, “You’re my first Stevie.”

The blond laughed, burying his face into his pillow again, mumbling out that he was honored.

 

He was halfway through his book before he set it down, his eyes studying Steve for a second while he had been working on a sketch in his book, “But really, I mean it. You should look into having a showing of your work.” 

Bucky raised his brows up in encouragement with a half smile as Steve looked over. An appreciative look appeared over the blond’s face, “You think so?”

He was silent for a second, half smile shifting to a more amused one, studying him with his eyes, a tone of gentle grey, “I know so. You said it yourself that I have an eye for it like you. I know you may like your job tendering but that’s not where your heart is. You know if I didn’t mean it I wouldn’t say it Steve.”

It wasn’t that he hadn’t been thinking about it himself, Steve just felt it was a lot to do when you didn’t have a lot. As much as he was painting and working hard, he had spent little time going out and getting input on it or even checking out galleries. He did owe it to himself to do that, make his mom proud of him. He finally gave Bucky a nod, “I’ll try to look into it Buck, okay?”

That’s all Bucky seemed he really wanted, a pleased smile crossing his face with a gentle nod, returning back to his book. Steve watching him for a few seconds before he looked back down at his sketchbook feeling his face warm. 

 

They laid in the darkness, Steve watching Bucky tuck his hands behind his head, himself rolled onto his side to watch him more in boredom than anything else. The idea of actually having some kind of showing of his work still sat fresh in his mind, he knew Bucky wouldn’t let him get too idle over it. He could slightly remember the brunette telling him the same thing four years ago. 

“Are you happy?” 

It was weird, and possibly nosy. He wasn’t exactly sure and it was blurted out more than anything. The question didn’t even cross his mind as what it could mean, it had just rolled out of him and he wasn’t sure what the exact point of it was.

He watched Bucky tilt his head to look over at him, most likely confused, “Happy like in what?”

A shrug came out, “I don’t know, just happy. Like everything is the way you want it to be.”

Bucky shook his head, “Does it look like everything’s how I would want it to me? Yeah I guess it looks like I get a free ticket to do whatever I like and slack off right now but would I have other things I want to do that I’m not, sure I guess. Why?”

“I don’t know,” Steve rolled onto his back, staring up at the ceiling. The pale light of the outside brushing against his ceiling through the half opened blinds, “Thought I may be married by now or something.”

“You’re a little young to be married already Rogers. Seriously?”

Steve made a small sound of confirmation, “Don’t laugh but, I wanted to find my soulmate and get married. Have the job and the house, everything already.”

He felt Bucky rolled to his side, watching him carefully, “You’re ambitious, I’ll give you that much. Really fucking ambitious. Let me guess, you wanted the white picket fence and your own art studio too. Oh and a pair of snotty nosed kids too right?”

A sigh escaped Steve, “Now the way you say it, it does sound rather ambitious.”

There was a small delay, Bucky making a small perturbed noise into the darkness, “You’re an idiot.”

“Oh, well thanks Buck.”

“No really, you are. You can still have all that. Not like you’re old at twenty two. You sound like your dog just died and you’re stuck with a broken heart. You can still have whatever you want. You’re a dreamer though, not sure about the soulmate thing.”

Steve’s eyes glanced over at Bucky only really seeing the outline of his body and the shine to his lips and eyes, “What? You don’t believe in soulmates?”

“Nah. I think it’s kids stuff. I don’t believe in the white picket fence and the happily ever after. Life is just life.”

Sadness overcame Steve and he almost asked Bucky who broke his heart, “Someone sounds like they got their white picket fence crushed.”

“Maybe. Maybe I’m just not a dreamer like you are.” His voice was oddly normal, casually neutral. 

Steve rolled to his side, their eyes peering at each other. It was silent for a few seconds, the bare sound of breathing occasionally crossing them. His voice softened a little eventually, lightly touching the brunette‘s thumb with his index finger, “It’s always good to dream Buck.”

He silently stared back at Steve watching him, a soft tingling sensation rode through his entire being just by the simple touch he gave him. It was feather light, barely there but it was like a silent confirmation that he was there for him without asking for it. He couldn’t help himself but hold Steve’s finger gently with the side of his index finger and thumb. He could tell Steve smiled, the outline of the jaw against the faint light of his window telling him so. Bucky couldn’t tell if this was okay, or awkward. He wasn’t complaining but the bells and whistles in his head were as confused as he was. He’d held hands with Clint and Natasha, a constant source of affection for all three of them but he saw them as family; Steve doing it was a whole new level of emotion. He contemplated withdrawing, the roll of warmth floating through him selfishly convincing him not to, Steve only encouraging it by adding two more fingers against the crook of his index. They curled around his own drawn out finger, both grips loose and open to retract if needed but neither did. Their bodies linked by those fingers. It was odd but it felt _normal_ and soon they fell asleep in the amiable silence. 

 

Three hours later Bucky woke up screaming. 

He sat up in the bed, feeling frantic in the darkness, a thin sheen of sweat over his body, his hair matted against his forehead. He wildly kicked off the blanket, his arms shooting out to push them away dismissively as quickly as he could. His heart practically tore out of his chest, pounding so hard he barely registered Steve next to him, his brain trying to understand where he was, lost in the darkness. 

“Bucky! Buck? You okay?!”

Bucky felt arms wrap around him and it took him a second to realize he had moved his hands down to madly clutch at the sheets, his knuckles going white. His body tensed immediately to the physical contact, barely hearing Steve’s voice telling him in a faint murmur that he needed to relax, and let go of his grip. He finally did let go, moving so his palms pressed against his thighs. Steve was out of his sleep position so fast and kneeling against him Bucky had no idea when it happened. The male only held him tight to his chest and he could only helplessly comply, his head pressed against broad shoulder, calming down to the sounds of his soft cooing and the feel of Steve’s hand in his hair.  
“You had a nightmare. Its okay now, you’re okay.”

Bucky shook his head against Steve’s shoulder, fucking embarrassed beyond recognition. He wanted to bury himself in a hole. He sighed heavily, the memories of his nightmare already melted into nothing. It was always that same thing, he never could remember what it was. His brows always furrowing in annoyance to that when his senses came back to him.

“M’sorry.” He managed to croak out, his throat feeling sore, not wanting to move or look at the blond. His own hands clasping together, heart finally calming down enough to actually be settled by Steve holding him like this. 

“Don’t apologize for anything. You had a nightmare, its okay. We all do.”

Fingers ran through his hair and a soft sigh of comfort escaped him. Sometimes it took him hours to get out of the funk he felt after a nightmare. Sometimes he would pop a couple of sleeping pills and pass out again. Sometimes a few shots did it for him. Fucking Steve only took less than five minutes. 

“Still sorry I woke you. I should have just gone home.”

He was gently moved away, Steve looking at him in the darkness, “Don’t ever feel sorry you woke me up unless I’m telling you to fuck off, maybe then you could feel sorry though knowing you that’s when you wouldn’t feel sorry.” 

Bucky ducked his head, feeling the warmth over his face, “Most likely. Thanks Steve.” His tongue felt heavy in his mouth, the air of embarrassment hovering around him.

Steve moved an arm away, bringing his pillow closer to Bucky’s. He shifted, settling back down on his side but making no attempt to move away from him, “Come here.”

Bucky looked at him for a long moment, the energy drained from him. He suddenly felt tired and exhausted, shifting to curl his back against Steve’s chest his mind too muddled to care about anything, to even think of any implication except that he was so damn exhausted. Nothing mattered but sleeping and keeping that soothing feeling. His eyes had already closed before his head hit the pillow, letting Steve pull the covers over him. The blond seemed to read his needs like a book, his arms hugged tightly to him, almost protectively as if he was threatening the nightmares from returning. Bucky recalled the weight of half his body pressed on him as feeling good, comforting him even though he never had even had a thought like that cross his mind. Steve’s large frame was practically draping Bucky and he paid no mind, the pair of them losing to sleep minutes later.

 

The alarm was annoyingly too loud this morning for Steve, tearing him out of his deep sleep violently. He swiped his finger over the snooze, yawning out loudly knowing it meant that it was a wonderful 7am on the dot. He peered up at the ceiling, his eyes fighting to go back to sleep asking himself why he stayed up and why he would probably do it again. 

Bucky groaned softly in his arms, trying to pull himself out of bed with less than graceful movements. Steve curled the corner of his mouth into a wince, the knuckle of his index finger lightly digging at the edge of his eye. He watched long legs struggle with the bed sheets that had decided to wrap around his ankles. His throat emitting a soft sound of annoyance. The pair of them were still heavy with sleep, Steve extending his arm to help him pull the sheets from his legs easier. He watched Bucky finally become free, sitting up with a yawn. Steve rolled himself onto his back watching a moment tucking his hands under his head before he let his eyes close again. He listened as he began shuffling his feet against the laminated floor, one eye opening to the sound of a soft thud in the hallway. “Ow..you didn’t have a wall there before.."

Steve closed his eye again, rolling back onto his side, his face nuzzling his pillow with a smile, pulling the blanket blindly back up to his chest. 

Bucky yawned loudly, lumbering back into the bedroom after a few minutes. He softly grunted as he collected himself back into bed, tugging at the blankets. Steve watched him in silence, a small smirk on his face.  
“Morning Buck."

Bucky only threw the blanket over his head, the blond deciphering something along the times of fuck yourself or go to hell. He had to remember that little tidbit that he was definitely not a morning person as he had said, confirmation is always good. 

He gave himself a few minutes, listening to the brunette fall back asleep, soft snores escaping him. Steve gave himself another minute then finally pulled himself out of bed. He freshened himself up in the bathroom and made his way to the living room, writing Bucky a note that he went for a jog with Sam. He put it by the bedside table, checking the time on his phone. He turned for the hall then stopped, turning around again, retrieving a back up key for the front door from the night stand drawer and letting that sit by the note as well. He pulled on his running shoes and jogged to the front door, giving one look back down towards the bedroom before grabbing his keys and getting out into the hall. He locked up, making his way downstairs to the front lobby. Running towards the black SUV, he gave Sam a quick smile and wave before climbing into the passenger side.

“You took your sweet time to hit the 7:30am mark today, late night?”

“Sort of,” He reached for his seat belt, fastening it before looking out ahead while Sam pulled out onto the road. “I had to leave Bucky sleeping so I was writing him a note. I forgot to remind him yesterday that we meet up for runs and he’s not a morning person.”

Sam gave him a quick look behind sunglasses, turning back to the road not saying a word. Only opening his hands out in confusion a split second before returning to the wheel. Steve looked at him quizzically, “What?”

“Bucky’s just sleeping over? No judgment Steve but you’ve never had anyone sleep over at your place. Even Tony barely sleeps over there.”

The blond laughed, “It’s not like that and your lack of judgment is very loudly screaming judgmental. He came over after art class and hung out. It’s nice actually, kind of like when you used to be around when we lived together. It’s really quiet sometimes alone in the apartment.”

A smile shifted over the brunette’s face, “Aw you’re sweet. You can always move back in, the door’s always open for you.”

Steve pressed his hands together in his lap and nodded, “Yeah I know, just trying to get some independence going on. I’m so used to you mother henning me that I need to figure stuff out on my own.”

He nodded, turning into the parking lot of a park they usually enjoyed going to, killing the engine. The pair of them climbed out, Steve breaking out his stretches. 

Sam made his way around, doing the same, “How exactly can anyone sleep on that old couch I gave to you anyway, its horrible on your back.”

Steve gave him a sheepish grin, “I offered to let him sleep in my bed with me.”

“Okay Steve, now I’m judging you.”

The blond rolled his eyes, walking towards the path. Sam jogged over beside him, “Really?”

He only nodded, “I don’t see what’s wrong. We don’t do anything. Girls do it all the time. You and I did it!”

Sam held his hands up, continuing their walk, “Hey if nothings going on then nothings going on. Also, when we did it, we were watching movies and passing out till the morning, its a roommate thing. Let me remind you though, you have a boyfriend who goes postal when someone hits on you. Don’t forget that time at your big 4th of July birthday party when he almost punched that server who asked you if you wanted some birthday whacks for your birthday. Pretty sure it was a joke too.” 

He had almost forgotten about that, “Actually he did punch him out, later..in the back and got him fired. Tony was so drunk, and he was sure that guy wasn’t kidding. Anyway, I’m pretty sure that was just the alcohol. It’s not like he’s going to freak out over me sharing a bed with Bucky when he crashes at my place. He really shouldn’t.”

He didn’t have to look at Sam’s face to _feel_ the doubt, “Okay maybe we won’t be telling him about the bed thing. You know he had the gall to question me about what I was doing when he stood me up on a date?”

There was a sound close to a laugh but only coming out as a snort of disbelief from his friend and Steve nodded, “Exactly. I ran into Bucky on the train after Tony texts me about not being able to make it when I’m already there, let me add. So I’m upset, I’m angry, I’m so damn disappointed and there on the train is Bucky.”

“Yeah?” The grin Sam had sported was mildly unnerving to Steve but he laughed it off, the pair of them breaking out into a jog. 

“He saw me dressed up and I said I going home, asked what happened. You know what he did? Took me to Romano’s for dinner and then we went to a movie.” 

Sam let out a low whistle, “He got you in there? Damn he’s good.”

Steve grinned, “I know right? He knows the owner. I was shocked but it was amazing. Tony finally called me when we went for ice cream and then lectures me for being out late with Bucky. Can you believe that? I love that man to bits but sometimes he forgets he can’t lock me in a cage. He wanted to send a car for me so I could help him relax, I told him I wasn’t home and pretty much said he should take a cold shower instead.”

A loud laugh tore out from Sam, nodding quickly as he held out a hand for a high five, “That’s telling him!”

They settled into their routine, finishing off their jog at a local coffee shop. Steve sat himself down in the patio chair, pulling his phone from his pocket when it chimed happily. Sam caught _Buckybuck_ at the top before he seated himself across from his friend, shaking his head with a smile tucked behind his coffee cup. 

_**Buckybuck** : Hey thanks for letting me crash and leaving me a key. Will have to give it back to you next time I see you, remind me if I don’t. Tell_ _Sam I said hi. Had to run though, seriously I need to buy you groceries or something._

Steve bit his lip in thought, paying no mind to Sam casually watching him after he was informed about Bucky saying hi.

_**Steve** : He says hi back. Keep the key unless I ask for it back. :P You’re always welcome to crash at my place even when you’re being a Jerk._

He put his phone down, taking a sip of his drink before it chimed again. An image of Bucky flipping him the finger outside somewhere with the word _Punk_ over it. 

Steve laughed softly, putting the phone back down before his eyes met Sam’s who intently watched him with another of his many smiles. The blond studied him for a second, “Why do you have that look on your face like you’re processing something interesting.”

He shrugged, sitting back in his seat, “Maybe I am, you don’t know. How are you and Tony by the way, aside from Sunday’s debacle?”

It was Steve’s turn to sit back with a roll of his eyes. He stretched his legs out, lingering for a second on the change of subject, “If getting stood up on Sunday when he was the one that made the plans is any indication then not good but he always makes it up to me. Generally speaking, really good. I saw him after the cooking class, might pop by this weekend maybe after that movie thing you mentioned or something.”

Sam nodded, giving him a warm smile under a calm gaze. Steve was quite used to it as a way of Sam being the therapist without actually being the therapist. He was kind of glad for Sam and the way he did things sometimes, giving him a soft smile back before lifting his cup to his lips to take a sip. He knew Sam was only looking out for his well being, he wasn’t blind at all to the implications milling through his and his friend’s mind about dating Tony, but he also wasn’t a child. He wasn’t being taken advantage of, it just wasn’t as cut and dry as people generally would see a relationship and it got tiresome to defend it sometimes. Not that he had to a lot of the time, his business was his own, most of the time.

  
  
Clint carried a bucket of popcorn in his hands, three chocolate bars sticking out of his jacket pocket, his hand holding Natasha’s as they entered for their seats first. Sam followed into the aisle behind them, sipping his soda through a straw. Bucky jogged up the stairs towards the trio with his hands shoved into his pockets, his sweater sleeves rolled up around his elbows while Steve followed behind carrying a box tray with food stacked into it. The brunette waited for him to enter before following after him, Steve shuffling in to sit beside Sam, and Bucky completing the line. 

“Looks like you brought most of the concession. Now I know why you work out so obsessively sometimes.”

Steve settled the large rectangular cardboard tray in his lap, looking over at Sam, “What? Most of this is Bucky’s.” 

As if on cue, Bucky reached over to grab one of the bags of candy and his drink, eyes staying glued to the screen playing trivia games. He reached blindly for popcorn, Steve tentatively moving his own hand to direct his hand down into a big bag of it for him. Sam watched in silent amusement, shaking his head. He glanced over at Nat and she shrugged in an almost helpless fashion, rolling her eyes.

They didn’t have to wait too long for the house lights to go out, starting the upcoming movie trailers and then to the featured movie.

 

Bucky squirmed in his seat, stuffing his mouth with more popcorn. Steve moved his eyes off the screen, curiously looking over when he noticed the brunette’s hand moving to his mouth more often than usual. He watched for a few seconds, leaning his head sideways towards him, “If you keep eating like that you’re bound to choke.”

Bucky only gave him a sideways glance, then a powerless shrug. He took a long drink from his fountain cup to appease his friend. His eyes returned to the big screen, balancing the bucket in his lap, his hands nervously pinching at the fabric of his jeans. 

“Something wrong?”

Bucky only shook his head, seemingly glaring at the screen.

Steve stared at the screen again, one of the movie’s first introduced characters walking up some stairs to investigate a noise. He took a side glance quickly to the other three people to his left, Sam absorbed completely into the movie, as was Natasha. Clint was too, pressed as close as he could to Natasha’s side, his head resting against hers. He smiled softly, looking back up again, watching the character move into a room calling out a hello. He almost felt himself chuckle. The music picked up a more ominous sound as the girl made her way towards a closet door making soft scratching noises. 

“Oh man, no girl don’t go over there.” Sam blurted out, pressing his palms against his thighs, his brows pressing close together. 

Bucky sucked in a breath sharply, Steve noticing his chest ceasing to move. 

Steve grabbed some popcorn, grinning. These parts were the best in a horror movie, Sam would usually shout at the movie for getting a rise out of him, sometimes he was told to shut up, sometimes he would lecture the television screen at the apartment. He wasn’t scared of them persay but he invested himself. 

The girl finally got to the door, dramatically taking her sweet time to open the closet. She pushed it open, obviously forgetting any sort of light source. Only darkness staring back at her. Of course she happened to call out a hello again because of reasons beyond Steve’s comprehension. The music picked up, and the girl stepped forward. Sam muttering an expletive under his breath. Suddenly a cat jumped from the top shelf from inside the closet, hissing at the girl.

“Oh my god!” Bucky blurted out, his hand pressing into his chest.

“I told you not to go over there!” Sam shouted out, ignoring the fact that other people had been at the theater. 

Steve almost laughed, his smile widening at the sounds of startled people in the theaters on top of his two friends. 

The girl had screamed and had fallen to the floor, watching the angry cat run off down the hall. She brushed herself off and let out a small huff of a laugh, pulling herself up. Quietly chastising herself while she moved to close the door. Some sort of ghostly creature shot its arm out, and abruptly grabbed her kicking and screaming into the closet, the door shutting closed. 

Bucky jumped out of his skin, spilling his popcorn all over the floor. His hands clutching his face as a coping mechanism. Sam slapped a hand on his thigh, grinning at Steve, “I told her not to go over there, damn!”

Steve smiled wider, nodding to the brunette before turning to look at Bucky, noticing all his popcorn on the floor, “Buck you alright?”

The brunette sunk into his seat, nodding quickly, his eyes not peeling off the screen. 

Steve dusted off some popcorn off his shoe, taking a closer look at the amount on the floor, seeing if he could salvage the bucket but it was completely toppled over, “Aw but you lost your popcorn.”

Natasha hissed at him, Steve glancing over. She tugged at Sam to say something, the brunette smiling at her and nodding. He leaned in to Steve, “Your boy there is scared of horror movies.”

Bucky turned and glared, “I’m fine!” Gaining a shush from someone sitting nearby. 

Steve smiled, patting his arm, “It’s okay Bucky, I’ll keep you safe.” 

A handful of M&M’s hit the blond’s face, picking one off his chest to eat it with a grin. It had only taken a few minutes in for something to startle Bucky again, his hand slapping down on his arm rest. 

Sam glanced over to Bucky, then turned to lean close to Natasha, “So what was the whole deal of a scary movie if you knew he didn’t like them?”

She only shrugged apathetically, “He hates to admit it. He’s so stubborn but he’ll also fall to pieces when all the scary stuff starts to ramp up.”

Sam looked at her bewildered, “The popcorn wasn’t it?”

The red head shook her head, her fingers idly stroking Clint’s hair who had already fallen asleep against her, “Just wait.”

Evidently Sam didn’t have very long to wait, the action already ramping up as their ever vigilant group of main characters decided to have a session on a Ouija board opening the doors for all hell to break loose. The characters all scatter in fear and surprise while the power goes out for the count. Candles and flashlights coming on as some friends huddle together, some trying to find more light sources. Two going out to check the fuse box outside. 

Bucky brought his legs up in his seat, folding them into his chest watching nervously. Steve immediately noticed the change in him, resting his hand out, palm up on the arm rest in a silent offer just in case. The brunette stared for a second, then focused back on the screen, his arms around his legs, hands pressed against his kneecaps. 

The movie showed one of the characters that had no belief of ghosts walking by himself, taunting and mocking the situation. His mouth running nonstop in an annoying fashion while he sifted through drawers in another part of the house for flashlights or candles. He glances to a noise behind him towards the bathroom, quite certain it’s one of this friends trying to scare him. 

Steve knows these scenes like the back of his hand, Sam and he exchanging amused looks, so text book but still always fun to watch. The silent conversation between the two of, _how is this idiot going to die?_

Entering the bathroom, their fearless character looks around in the darkness. Shining a flashlight around calling out a few names of other characters, throwing open the bath tub curtain. He too quickly realizes there’s no one in there and rests his back against the sink counter, wondering where else he could have heard the sound. Of course without any moment to breathe, ghostly hands come out from the mirror to pull the male into the wall, his body fighting to get out of its icy cold grip yet its far too late.

Bucky snatched Steve’s extended open palm, gripping it desperately. A faint nervous exhale of breath escaping his lips. Receiving a light squeeze, his eyes peered over in a touch of embarrassment, apologetically moving to remove his hand away. Steve only held his hand tighter, refusing to budge on letting it go. He gave the brunette an understanding smile before both pairs of eyes shifted to the movie when a shrill scream ripped through the theaters. Bucky’s grip tightened in sheer anxiety, his free hand rubbing his temple questioning why he always had to stubbornly go to these damn movies.

After another death, predictably Bucky had to note even for his jittery nerves, in another part of the house, the pair that volunteered to go outside where the fuse box was, had found there was no juice to it. Flipping the switch a multitude of times not knowing what to do next to fix it, their recovery mission for power was becoming futile. Still, with no knowledge of the happenings inside the house they left, deciding it was better to make out and have innuendo laden conversations instead of righting the whole power outage situation. 

Their fingers had become woven together, Bucky wasn’t exactly sure when it happened or if it was him or Steve that did it. A side glance showed Steve only smiling softly and watching the movie. The side of his thumb idly stroking the back of Bucky’s own thumb, occasionally pressing soft circles against the junction between his thumb and index finger like nothing was up with the world and Tony Stark didn’t exist. 

Bucky could only wish.

He shifted in his seat, causing Steve to glance over again and give him another reassuring smile. 

He flashed him a crooked smile back, feeling himself blush, quite glad they were in the dark. He cursed Steve internally, looking towards the screen while the pair in the movie were still sloppily touching each other. Half their clothing gone. His eyes roamed back to their hands together and how it felt so damn _perfect_. It was nice and if this was all he would get, it was good, really good.

Bucky’s eyes looked back up to the screen, trying to will away the full body warmth going through him because of his stupid crush on this stupid blond beside him especially while he was holding his stupid hand. He was caught off guard when something shadowy and cloaked came from the darkness and coiled its tattered robe self around the girl. The ghost in the shadows could travel outside the house now?

The girl let out a blood curdling scream and the guy under her could only watch in horror and Bucky sputtered out Steve’s name in complete surprise, he was sure someone around him told him to shut up. His face screwed up in a look of disgust watching the character be absorbed into the open cloak of inky darkness. He hated that. Maybe it would have been better if it had a face, but it was just noise and darkness. A face would have been better. Her valiant boyfriend watching like an idiot went the same way, pants and boxers were already down. What a way to go, if he had left a corpse that is. 

Bucky then realized he had cried out Steve’s name. 

Bucky also realized all too suddenly his free arm was hugging Steve’s bicep. 

At least Steve smelt really good. 

Their eyes met, Bucky loosening his grip, shrinking back into his seat, completely embarrassed. Steve only looked at him with a smile once again, causing the brunette to blush harder, “I’m sorry about that.”

The dirty blond said nothing, only looking back at someone running around in terror on the big screen, his hand softly squeezing his again. Bucky completely forgetting for a second that he was still holding on. His mind crossing back to when they slept hooking fingers together. 

Most likely it was better the pair of them didn’t catch Sam and Nat watching with some disguised giddiness two somewhat professional adults should not exhibit. 

“I told you it would get better.” She hissed in Sam’s ear and the brunette could only shake his head in disbelief, “You’re good, like scary good.”

 

Steve paused after they all entered the bookstore with the accompanied coffee shop, “Give me a second, I’m gonna call Tony and see if he wants to drop in. He’s not that far away.” Tony’s phone went straight to voice mail, irritation washing over the blond though it was most likely because he was doing something in the lab.

_**Steve** : Hey we’re at that bookstore and coffee house place by you, seeing if you want to come over?_

It was a few minutes before his phone chimed.

 _ **Big Dick Tony** : Like always my dear you have incredible timing. Rhodey just left to go on a coffee run_ _for us._  
_**S** : :(_  
_**BDT** : I’m turning in early though. We need some parts shipped in and they won’t be here till the morning._ _Wanna come keep me up baby??? ;)_  
_**S** : Like you have to ask me twice Tony. ;)_

Steve looked around for Tony’s best friend James but evidently he hadn’t arrived yet or had gone to a different coffee place altogether, he moved to rejoin the group at the counter, an excitable brunette practically running over to the register when he saw Clint. “Hey Barton! Weren’t you just here earlier today? Can’t get enough of being at work?”

Clint smirked, giving his coworker the finger, approaching the counter, “Came with friends and Nat, Pete. Saw a movie across the way.”

Natasha moved beside the blond, giving Peter Quill a smile, “Hey Petey.”

The brunette folded his arms over the counter top, a goofy dreamy grin smoothing over his face, “Hey Beautiful.”

Bucky rolled his eyes, “Clint I’m gonna take a seat, grab my order and some food.”

Pressing his fingers against his lips, Steve studied the board in strong interest. Sam stood beside him, arms folded over his chest, grinning at the sandy haired male, “Please tell me you’re not actually reading what’s on there. Its exactly the same as every other coffee shop and you always end up ordering some version of caramel macchiato, always.”

“If you’re such a smart guy then how about you order my drink for me and grab me something to eat too.” Steve pulled out a twenty dollar bill, slapping it into Sam’s hand with a grin.

Sam grinned and nodded, “I’m getting something with this too, high roller.”

He received a nonchalant hand gesture, the blond striding through the bistro tables and towards a seating area of two dark blue long couches with a coffee table between them and a pair of dark blue love seats to fill out the gaps of space and make a completely comfortable enclosure. Bucky hunched himself over a pile of stray books left over by customers bringing in reading material from the connected bookstore, finally pausing at one to read the back of it. Steve shimmied himself between Bucky’s knees and the heavy table, sinking into the couch beside him, arm falling against his, “How are you feeling after that awful movie? Find something good?”

He held up the book for Steve, “Just something about constellations and stuff. Lots of random things left on the table. One was about the history of Hitler then the next one was medical discoveries of the nineteenth century then the next one was a book on carpentry.”

He felt eyes on him still and Bucky rolled his own, turning to look at Steve, “My lack of answer is my answer to your other question.”

“But you were, adorable.” He almost managed to say it without a soft giggle between the last two words. _Almost._

“Why yes, its cute that Bucky Barnes is a chicken shit when it comes to horror movies, especially terrible shitty plot holed filled ones like that one.”

“It’s okay, I’ll be your prince Charming, Buck.” 

“Keep that up and you’ll be prince of nothing.” he griped out.

Steve smiled in amusement and reached forward, blindly grabbing one of the novels and opening it up to a random page, “..'And she was on fire with the lightest touch on her skin. Her body cried out for him, she felt his heat surrounding her naked body.’ Oh my hello.”

He glanced up at Bucky snickering while he flipped through his book of constellations. “No why did you stop Steve, I want to hear more. I was getting comfortable.”

The blond bumped his arm against his, “Maybe later.”

Bucky gave him a side glance, watching him flip to another random section of the same novel, the brunette’s teeth finding the inside of his cheek to chew at.

Natasha came over, holding two large mugs of coffee. Clint was behind her with a tray holding the food. Bucky hopped to his feet to take his drink, quickly setting it down on the table, “If I knew you were all going to take your sweet time I woulda ordered before everyone.” 

She gave him a pensive look then abruptly pushed him hard, tipping him off balance. His foot stepped backwards onto Steve’s, his body automatically moving to avoid pressing weight there but he was already falling, blurting out an expletive. He fell hard into Steve’s lap, the group letting out a roar of laughter. Sam had to put his drinks down by Nat before he ended up dropping them all over the furniture.

 

James Rhodes looked over to the noise, his brows absently going into his hairline. He had no idea Steve was even in the coffee shop, immediately recognizing him on the couch watching a brown haired male grinning up with a stupid look at him, the blond only laughing with his hand holding him up from sliding off him. It was kinda weird but they had quickly righted the situation and all seemed fairly normal after that. By that time Steve had noticed him looking over and gave him a wave, James waving back before turning to the counter to place his order and pay for it. Getting what he came for, he gave Steve a nod who returned it and a grin and he was out there door. Kind of weird. Maybe.

 

“How long have we been here? It’s already been a couple hours, damn didn’t even notice." A loud groan escaped Steve as he pulled himself off the couch, tiredly shuffling out of the tight space, “I’m going to the restroom, I’ll be back."

Stretching his arms over his head with a yawn, Sam shook his head, “Man I’m getting old. It’s not that late and I’m ready to get some shut eye."

Clint took a look at his phone, “It’s almost 11pm, that’s kinda late for some people, but for me, it’s a smoke break.” He pulled himself up, flicking Bucky in the ear, tilting his head towards the door. 

Oh it was one of _those_ smoke breaks.

Pulling out of her own seat, Natasha stretched herself out giving Sam a warm smile, “I guess it’s time to get going. It was good to catch up, we should do it again soon."

The brunette grinned widely, “Definitely, especially with those two. It’s entertainment in itself. All joking aside though, I had great time myself." He passed his phone to her so she could input her phone number, she doing the same with his.

“We should do something after cooking class next time."

Sam grinned with a nod, “Great idea. Oh hell, we should do drinks and karaoke one of these days, Steve has a set of pipes on him but if you get him drunk it gets funnier!"

“I’m not _that_ bad at singing when I’m drunk." Steve lightly punched at his arm, playfully pouting.

Sam folded his arms over his chest, looking at him sternly, “Right, because half slurring and waving your arms around if you suddenly forget the lyrics is still perfect singing.”

The blond waved him off, retrieving his phone to leave a quick text. He immediately put it back in his pocket resting a hand on Sam’s shoulder, “I’m gonna get going and head to Tony’s, thanks for the fun night you two.”

Sam smiled and nodded, “You need a ride to Stark Tower?”

“Nah, a walk will do me good, thanks though! Natasha, I’ll see you at work huh?”

She gave Steve a gentle smile, nodding to him; her green eyes watching him take a look around, “He’s outside with Clint.”

“Oh, alright, thanks. Night you two!” 

Sam waved, exchanging a look with Natasha, watching the blond jog towards the exit doors.

 

Bucky leaned against the outer building wall, one leg propped up, knee bent. He zipped up his hoodie, staring quietly out at the night sky. Clint parked himself by him, lighting a joint. He took a long drag, his eyes never leaving the brunette, soon he held it out for him, “You alright?”

Bucky only shrugged, taking a slow puff before handing it back. Curls of smoke escaping his mouth, his eyes spelling out the morose emotion inside of him.

“You think you’re tough shit but your eyes always give you away my friend.”

Bucky’s eyes flickered towards him then turned back to the sky, shoving his hands in his pockets.

A cloud of smoke filled the air around him, the blond emitting a soft cough, “You’re in so deep.” 

The pair of them straightened up when Steve came outside, Bucky flashing his friend a glare before glancing over. 

“Hey was wondering where you both were. I just wanted to say goodnight. I’m gonna head over to Tony’s and wanted to say I had fun tonight. We should definitely get together more often.”

“Want a puff Steve, before you go? Bucky mentioned you smoked a little." Clint held out the joint, causing the blond to pause from his phone. He gave him a small nod and took it, shuffling himself to lean against the wall at Bucky’s other side. He let his head fall back against the wall, Bucky watching the embers burn bright. Steve’s neck tensed a touch from the inhale, his own fingers unconsciously twitching along the cold wall surface. 

Steve held out the joint and Bucky threw random caution to the wind, his head dipping to take a drag between Steve’s fingers without taking it. Even in the darkness he could see blue eyes clearly watching him and all he could do was smile; breathing the smoke in after returning to his original stance, he tilted his head up to blow it up into the air. Steve only shook his head after with a smile, taking another toke before passing it over to Clint. 

“I should get going. It was good to hang out again Clint..and Bucky, text me later.” 

Bucky barely smiled and nodded. Clint flashed Steve a grin, ”Good to see you too Steve, see you later.”

The blond gave one last wave and took off towards Tony‘s building.

“Now why did you do that to yourself?”

Bucky only shrugged, “Gotta have something nice in my head while he goes to see Stark.”

A soft huff came from his right side but the brunette didn’t look up. He only watched Steve’s form disappear into the darkness. Clint moved a little closer, looping his arm around Bucky’s, tugging him over. They didn’t say anything at that moment, Bucky pressing his lips into a thin line. A small space of time disappeared from the both of them. Bucky dropping the side of his head on his friend’s shoulder, “I’m definitely in way too deep.”

Clint exhaled, watching the smoke float into the air remembering a similar situation back when they were just kids and he was pining over a certain beautiful red head, “I know you are. Believe me, I definitely know you are.”


	5. I got you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Bucky have their own demons to deal with. So do others. Steve is still in mourning. Bucky gets unwanted attention. Clint still loves pizza and has interesting habits in bed. Lucky is too cute. Natasha is Mama Bear. Sam quietly ships. Brock Rumlow and Johnny Storm have completely opposite relationships with one Bucky Barnes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Creeps/Mild Fighting/Cocaine use.  
> I would like to note, before anyone has a heart attack about the new drug tag, no its not related to either Steve or Bucky so don't fret :)
> 
> Kotyonok (Russian) = Kitten

**Early September, 2015**  
  
  


Bucky had his hands shoved in his hoodie pockets, head covered, lost in his own thoughts. He stared at the pavement moving past him, his hands fishing for the keys to the brownstone and his feet froze when he looked up.  
Steve smiled from the stoop, quickly pulling himself up from the stairs. He dusted himself off casually, “Hey, I hope this isn't imposing or anything. Natasha said you might come home tonight.”

He wasn’t ready, why wasn’t he ready for this? He was so used to Steve being at at his own place, this was weird. “Uh, yeah. I usually come by on Sundays.”

He must have had shown his anxiety all over his face, Steve taking the few steps down off the stairs to stand beside him on the sidewalk looking bashful suddenly, “I’m sorry for just dropping by. I just kind of wanted to see if you wanted to hang out.”

“Phones?”

Steve only blushed, “Yeah I figured that but I was around in the area and Nat had given me the address, it was kinda spur of the moment stuff.” He turned, gesturing to his motorcycle, “Or I could just see you tomorrow since I’ve made this extremely weird and awkward.”

His reaction was immediate, grasping at Steve’s wrist, “No. No, just..don’t be stupid. You’re always welcome here, I fucking have keys to your place why the hell would you not be welcome here? I just didn’t expect you to be sitting at the front door and I barely call this my place, its Natasha’s home. She just lets me rent a room if I need a bed. I figured you would be at Stark’s.”

Jogging up the stairs, Bucky released Steve’s wrist once the male nodded to him, he unlocked the door letting themselves in. 

“I was at his place but he had to go back to work. Dropped by the bar for lunch, then she mentioned you may be home over here. I had nothing better to do so I just waited, totally not creepy at all."

Bucky only snorted, shrugging off his hoodie.

The brownstone was deceptive, looking small and tight lined up with others on the street but it actually looked like there was plenty of room for three people and a dog. They stood in a small narrow hallway where they slipped off their shoes. Immediately Bucky was met with Lucky, half hopping up to paw at Bucky’s legs till he knelt down. “Okay, okay you big monster.”

He hugged the canine tight, letting his face bury into the dog’s fur. He let go after a few moments, gesturing to Steve, “Go say hi to Steve. This is Clint’s baby, Lucky.” 

Steve extended his hand, letting the one eyed Labrador sniff it before the dog gave it small licks, causing the blond to laugh. He reached his hand up, petting the top of his head between his ears, giving it light scratches. 

Bucky pointed towards the rooms, then towards the right that flowed into a large den area and then to a kitchen and dining area. “Upstairs are a couple rooms and a bathroom, living room to your right that goes into the kitchen and backyard, there’s a smaller bathroom way in the back and a door to the basement which has a place for me to work if i need to, also nice that it has its own exit too. You can go check it out if you like. I gotta change upstairs, you can come with if you want to see the rest of the place, though if Nat’s underwear is around when you look in their room that’s not my problem.”

Steve chuckled behind him as they both went up, Bucky glancing over when Steve paused, nudging the small bathroom trash can sitting outside of the bathroom, “What about ripped ones?”

Bucky rolled his eyes, “I mind my own business about their sex life.”

He followed Bucky into his room, still chuckling about the underwear. He felt himself bump into his back, glancing to the direction of where Bucky was, someone obviously nude under some sheets asleep face down in his bed.

“Oh shit,” Bucky turned to look at Steve in embarrassment. “Uh, he wasn’t supposed to be when I got home.”

Steve couldn’t help but smirk, “I guess they don’t get into your sex life business either.”

He groaned at the joke, nudging his foot at the foot on the bed, stirring the male awake. The stranger turned around, sheets wrapped around his naked muscular toned torso. Brown hair cut short, blurry cerulean blues looking up at the pair. To Steve he looked eerily familiar. He couldn't help but give the person a cheesy wave behind Bucky who looked less than pleased, “Johnny, you said you were gonna head out before I got home.”

“Yeah, what time is it?” he reached over to check his phone, pausing only for a moment before he muttered a few expletives. “Damn, sorry.”

He pulled himself out of bed shoving the sheets aside picking up his boxers off the floor to pull them on. Steve roamed his eyes over anything other than the man in front of them, a soft low laugh escaping the guy, “Shit Bucky, you already got another one lined up. Your libido is worse than mine.”

Bucky glared, shaking his head, “No, this is my friend.”

Steve noticed he left it at that, saying nothing else. He awkwardly gave Johnny a smile when he was sure pants and a shirt were back on him, “Hey..”

The brunette picked up a leather jacket off the back of a chair, pulling it on, “So you won’t even introduce me?”

Bucky looked beyond annoyed, his eyes narrowing slightly, “Nope, hurry up.”

Johnny clucked his tongue in disappointment, looking over at Steve, “Too bad. You’re really cute, Mystery Guy. See ya guys later!” 

He strolled out the door, Bucky holding himself still til the front door opened then promptly closed. “Yeah..sorry about that. He never sleeps in.”

“Never sleeps in? As in he’s been here before?”

Bucky shrugged his shoulders, pulling the sheets off the bed, rolling them into a pile by the laundry basket, “Friends with benefits kind of guy except more like enemies with benefits. I generally can’t stand him, he talks so fucking much, but his mouth is good for other things.”

“Right.” Steve let out, seating himself in the chair watching Bucky pull off his hoodie and t-shirt, pulling on a clean t-shirt from a basket of fresh laundry. He additionally pulled out a pair of grey sweat pants, pulling his jeans off to pull those on while Steve thumbed through a book sitting on the desk next to him. 

“I guess you can figure out that I barely come here 'cept for about once a week unless I need a bed.”

Steve shrugged, “You or Nat could have just said that, ‘Oh he only rents out the room to have sex with random guys.’ It’s simple.”

Bucky laughed, swatting the blond in the back of the head, “Fuck you.”

“And everyone else.” he shot back under his breath with a mischievous smile.

“You know, I’m not scared about punching you in the face, Rogers.”

Steve grinned, looking back up at him, “So since you’re changing does this mean you aren’t coming out with me?”

The brunette paused, “Shit, uh we have a Sunday dinner thing. Me, Clint, Nat and Brock. You’re more than invited and welcome to join us. I know Nat mentioned that I should ask you, I’m sorry. I was assuming you were going to be here anyway, I never even asked.”

“I’m assuming that Johnny guy isn’t Brock.”

Bucky made a disturbed face, flinching a little, “Dear god no. Hell no. No, this is Brock Rumlow, probably don’t know him. He’s one of those people you’d definitely remember.”

Steve nodded, “I’ll take a raincheck if you’re still offering for next Sunday. I have to head back to see Tony later tonight.”

“Always. There’s a coffee shop a block down or something if you wanna go there till one of us has to leave or we could crash here til you have to go. Up to you.”

A smile appeared on Steve’s lips before he could help himself, standing up, “I’m always up for a caffeine fix.”

The brunette grinned back, “Yeah so am I.”

The front door opened, Bucky peeking out to see Clint in the entryway kneeling down removing his shoes, “Hey Clint.”

He didn’t look up, instead butting heads with Lucky, giving the dog a grin and a pet on the head. Steve walked over to stand by Bucky though Clint still hadn’t bothered looking over.

“He musta turned his hearing aids off.." He watched Bucky look around for something, picking up a soft chew toy he tossed it at the blond, watching Clint’s startled expression look towards the top of the stairs. A larger grin spread across his face, giving an eager wave. He made a gesture with his hands turning by his ear and Bucky nodded, putting his hands up and shrugging. 

Clint’s eyes moved past the brunette, to Steve, a small smirk across his face. He turned towards the door, then raised a brow back at Bucky, quickly signing something Steve couldn’t even make out if he wanted to. It was clearly amusing Barton though, small half laughs escaping him while he signed rapidly, peering intently at Bucky. 

The brunette only blushed, gesturing him to stop and shaking his head while he covered his face.

“What he say?”

“Nothing, he said he saw Johnny and he made the same joke Johnny did about me lining up guys.”

A blush crept across Steve’s face, “Oh, I see.”

Clint only laughed harder at his reaction, entering the living room while he carried on. Bucky rolled his eyes, nudging Steve lightly, “Let’s get out of here before you’re stuck listening to more deaf comedy.”

  
  


Bucky jogged up the stoop to the brownstone, his keys in hand. He already heard Lucky barking and bounding towards the door, a small smile quirking at his lips. He unlocked it, letting himself in; dog paws immediately leaping up at his chest making the brunette fall into the wall with a laugh, “Hey to you too.”

Brock Rumlow came out from around the entryway, holding out an opened beer, “There he is. Finally made time for us, Princess?” 

Bucky rolled his eyes, letting Lucky get back down, taking the beer from Brock, “I told you I would be late, Asshole.” 

The dark haired male grinned, making a fist to lightly swing it at the brunette, “I outta punch that pretty mouth of yours.”

Taking a long sip, Bucky gestured him to do so. He jumped back from a light swing at his ribs, pretending to punch Brock in his jaw. 

“C’mere Kid.” He wrapped his muscular arm around Bucky’s neck, pulling him into a headlock to ruffle up his hair. 

Natasha skipped down the stairs, slapping the raven haired male on the back, “Stop suffocating Bucky, he has to go set the table.”

Brock laughed, letting Bucky go, giving him a light push towards the kitchen with a smack on his butt. The brunette pressed a hand on his butt cheek, giving Rumlow a glare over his shoulder from his heavy handedness. He set his beer on the counter and pulled off his hoodie, hanging it off one of the chairs. He washed his hands, shaking them off then grabbed the plates and cutlery. 

Natasha pointed at Brock standing off to the side with his arms folded, “The potato salad is in the fridge with the salad and dressings, get them please.”

“Anything for you Darlin’.”

“Oh, he’s laying it on thick today, what do you want Brock?” Bucky chided from the table, finishing off his table settings on a round table holding four chairs next to a wide window. He watched the other male bring the food to the table, helping him put them into the middle, 

“Nothin’, I actually like being here for dinner and acting civil for once. What about you, later than usual.”

“I was here before you were, I just stepped out with Steve.”

Natasha set the warmed bread down, “Who I told you to invite, didn’t I?”

“Who’s Steve?”

“Steve Rogers, that artist kid in high school that Bucky’s in love with, he played football too.”

Bucky grabbed the napkins, “He couldn’t come tonight and I’m not in love with him. Brock won’t remember even if they had met, he was blitzed out of his mind or drunk most of the school year before he graduated ahead of us remember?”

“I’m still usually drunk or blitzed out of my mind, I still remember you all.”

“Sometimes I wish you didn’t.” Bucky joked, ducking from a swing. 

“You’re a real dick today, you know that? I outta kick your ass for fun outside.”

Bucky made a face trying to look intimidating, “Let’s go you old man, see what you can do.”

“I ain’t no old man, _Kid_.” 

Natasha frowned, “And he’s not a child. Two year difference and both of you act like you’re twenty years apart, Idiots.”

Clint entered through the back entryway holding a baking dish of cooked steaks, Nat walking over to grab it from him as he shuffled off his shoes. Bucky playfully elbowed Brock, the other male giving him a grin, wrapping his arm around his shoulders. “So who’s this Steve and why is he special enough to be invited to _our_ family dinner?”

A soft laugh escaped Bucky, “I can already hear you hating him.”

“Nah, I’m screening. There’s a huge difference. Four years ago was a long time. You still lightin’ a candle for a loser that can’t get his shit straight?”

Bucky laughed, Natasha’s green eyes shooting a glare in Rumlow’s direction. He raised his hands up defensively, “I’m getting Mama Bear angry.”

“It’s not that hard when you pick on Bucky.” Clint retorted, giving Bucky a wink, who only rolled his eyes after taking his seat at the table.

The four of them proceeded to help themselves to the food after everyone sat down. Clint shot up to get a round of beers, putting them on the table, grabbing a piece of steak for Lucky to eat. 

“I don’t _baby_ him.”

Clint snorted, “You sure don’t rub my feet when I ask, or stroke my hair when I want you to. I have to beg or be cute enough. Or heck, wait for you to feel like doing it. Bucky’s got you wrapped around his finger and I’m the one that sleeps in the same bed as you.”

“Hell, she don’t rub my feet. Tash, why don’t you rub my feet?” 

Natasha lightly swatted Clint, shaking her head at Brock, “I’m not rubbing anyone’s feet, can we not talk about feet while we’re eating?”

Bucky tried not to laugh, bowing his head to hide his face, shoveling some potato salad in his mouth. He felt Lucky bump his nose against his leg, peering up at him cutely with his one good eye from under the table. The brunette glanced up, then quietly threw a piece of steak into awaiting jaws, casually taking another bite of bread.

“Don’t act like you didn’t just feed the dog at the table when Clint just did it. You eat enough for a whole army and can’t share but you give that dog your dinner with just one look from it.” Rumlow lectured. 

“Yeah but Lucky’s cute, you’re not. I don’t share my food with ugly people.” He stuck his tongue out at the male, going back to his bread.

Clint laughed before Brock could shoot something back, “Anyway, what movie are we going to see tonight?”

“Put on something horror.”

“Let’s not.” Bucky muttered out. 

Clint reached over for some bread, chuckling to himself, “Call Steve over then we can watch some scary movies.”

Bucky flashed him a look, pelting a cherry tomato at his forehead. It bounced off the blond’s face and onto the floor, Lucky bounding towards it, gobbling it up immediately. 

“Stop feeding my dog healthy things, he’s Pizza Dog! P-I-Z-Z-A!”

Lucky let out a bark, wagging its tail happily, his tongue hanging out. 

Brock raised a brow, examining Bucky and that soft shade of red blooming against his cheekbones. He felt a foot nudge him in the ankle, a reactionary scowl crossing his face before it melted away, Natasha looking at him with that threat of a look that was telling him not to pry. 

The brunette was never one to be scared of Natasha, even though she had a way about her that made her eerily scary in general, “Bucky, you bringing Steve over next week?”

He turned to look at the male, “Not with that look on your face.”

“Oh come on. I’ll be your wing man.”

Bucky studied him, chewing on a piece of steak. He pointed a fork in his direction, “You’re a terrible wing man, you always shoot first and ask later, and it’s nothing like that. He has a boyfriend already.”

Brock looked vehemently at Natasha, then at Clint, “And you both knew that?”

Clint shrugged, “What’s wrong with that? They’re not doing anything, they’re just friends.”

The male only sat back in his chair, folding his arms over his chest quietly. Bucky shook his head, knowing exactly what that meant. He was in his overbearing dad-mode and there was no real way to draw him out of it so no one did. It was Brock’s way of not arguing or starting a fight. Or an altercation. He just disagreed and said nothing til a better way to argue about it came up. Bucky missed a little bit of Brock the way he was before, he hoped it would come back again. He lightly thumbed at his fork, remembering a completely laid back and slightly _less_ gruff version of himself. His grey eyes watched, studying him and after a few minutes of what felt like forever of Brock just sitting with no comment towards him, the brunette went back to eating dinner again, a smooth comfortable quiet taking over.

 

Brock picked up the last few glasses off the table, bringing them over to Bucky. “You’re startin’ to become a real housewife, you know that?”

A snort of a laugh escaped the brunette, rinsing off one of the soapy plates, “But isn’t that what potential husbands want nowadays? A housewife?”

Brock snatched the dish towel off the oven door, drying the next plate Bucky rinsed off. “Yeah, because you’d definitely stick to playing the good housewife. Hell, I’d be surprised if your marriage lasted two steps out of the church.”

Natasha peeked her head in between the pair of them, “Bucky would be a wonderful husband. Don’t be rude Brock, zip your lip and dry those dishes.”

Bucky pecked her cheek with a quick kiss before finishing off the last glass.

“ _If_ he ever gets married, we’re a picky bunch. I have to protect this one, he’s a little special to me.”

Bucky huffed, “Can we steer away from my marriage to some invisible man. My parents are already ridiculous. What about you Brock, when are you getting married?”

The brunette barked out a laugh, almost dropping the plate he was holding. “That ain’t for me, Kiddo.”

“And Nat? When are you going to marry Clint and give me little babies that uncle Bucky can spoil with candy then leave them here while you deal with them being hellions?”

She raised a brow at him, putting away the dried dishes. “You assume I know how to tend to a child aside from you.”

Bucky slung an arm around her shoulders, “Oh come on. I think you would be a great mom.”

She patted his cheek softly, “Well not anytime soon, I have three children I take care already and occasionally a dog. That’s more than enough right now.”

Clint came in from the back door, slamming it closed behind him and Lucky. “It’s really getting cool out there. The grill’s clean, do you need any help in here?”

“Nope, everything is put away, dishes are washed. Let’s go pick a movie.”

Taking the last glass he held out, Natasha smiled over at Brock, putting it away while he tucked the towel back on the oven door. “Are you doing okay?”

The brunette glanced over at her with a sly grin, leaning up against the counter, “You know I’m always okay Tash. You should ask what you really want to know.”

She contemplated that avenue, hugging him arm gently, her fingers lightly stroking his muscular forearm. She decided against it. “Are you eating? Are you sleeping better? How many times are you taking?”

A low steady chuckle escaped him, it was smooth and subtle, “I sleep enough to be awake the whole day especially when I gotta teach at the gym. I eat about the same everyday as I do here every Sunday under your watch. I take about three times. You ain’t gotta worry about me Sweetheart.”

“I’ve been watching your ass since we were kids, don’t tell me what to do.”

He grinned, “You Reds, I swear to the fucking Lord Almighty.”

Natasha straightened up, dropping her arm from his, looking at him with feigned surprise, “Oh Brock, if your mother was here now.”

He rolled his eyes, pulling off the counter walking towards the living room with a helpless shrug, “She ain’t though, bless her soul.”

They both found their respective seats, the movie already started.

 

A while in Bucky had curled his head in Natasha’s lap completely asleep. She brushed her fingers through his hair, his toes pressed into Clint’s outer thigh at the other end of the couch. Brock pulled himself out of the armchair to the side, pointing to the pair, “Beers?”

Natasha shook her head and shushed him, Clint nodding while he continued watching the tv screen.

The brunette shook his head, “You do baby him.”

She rolled her eyes, “He still doesn’t sleep a lot.”

Rumlow’s face softened, looking at Bucky for a long second before he walked towards the kitchen, “Dumb kid.” There was no bite to it, only a soft fondness. 

He opened the fridge to grab a couple of beers, his mind wandering for a moment before he readjusted to peering inside again before closing it. He exhaled softly, coming back to the sitting room to place the drinks down. He lightly rubbed a hand against the back of his neck, a nervous looks towards Natasha. Their eyes met for a brief moment before she just slightly moved her head and his lips pursed together into a thin tight line. He walked away towards the small bathroom off from the kitchen.

Brock retrieved a small capped vial from his inside pocket, setting it on the counter. He closed the toilet seat lid and sat down on it, removing the small minuscule screw top, carefully tapping out three rows of white powdered lines before closing and tucking the vial back inside his coat. He retrieved a credit card from his wallet, the job pointless over the fact it was ground down already but habits died hard, cleaning up the lines and cutting through it habitually until he was satisfied, licking off any particles before tucking the card away. He rolled up a dollar bill, pulling himself up to hunch over the cocaine, snorting all three lines in quick succession not wasting time. He tilted his head back, blinking through the bright bathroom lights glaring into his eyes, his nose crinkling before his body suddenly felt numb all over. The euphoric warmth grew from deep within his belly and spread through his body. Adrenaline fueled fire surging through his veins, heating him from the inside out, sending chills through him simultaneously. 

He sucked in a deep breath, exhaling it as he let the wall of the bathroom catch him. His eyes dipped closed, body sliding down, legs sprawling out in front of him. He groaned out softly, the back of his head rolling along the wall surface, his hand carding through his short black hair, grasping at it. His dilated eyes transfixed on the lights above the sink when they opened, a finger flicking across his teeth with his tongue following it before he flashed a grin, pushing himself back onto his feet. 

He let himself out, almost kicking over the water bottle at his feet. Brock stood perplexed for a second then realized it must have been Nat earlier before he even started. He picked it up, taking a small drink; the water swirling against the back of his dry throat, feeling every inch of it coursing through his insides. Cooling the burning inside of him. Adrenaline and excitement pulled and tugged him, soaking it all in. He moved through the hallway quickly, his swinging hands clapping into each other. 

“I’ll be back in a bit.” He muttered towards the den, not waiting for a confirmation as he left the brownstone unintentionally slamming the door behind him, startling Bucky awake. 

“Huh? What..what was that noise?” He tiredly looked around in confusion, a hand rubbing his brow.

Natasha continued stroking his hair, “Brock went out, he accidentally slammed the door.”

“He did?”

She made made a confirming noise, patting his head softly, “Go back to sleep James. I’ll wake you up if he comes back, okay?”

Bucky rolled over to face the back of the couch, rubbing his cheek warily against her thigh. He felt Clint’s hand rest heavily on his ankle, the warm weight grounding him and made him feel safe. “I hate when he leaves after that stuff. I hate when he does that stuff.”

She glanced at Clint and he could only shake his head and shrug helplessly, his hand lightly patting Bucky’s ankle before resting there again. “You know he has his reasons, Buck.”

“I know..” His voice was low and disappearing into nothing, curled up and already falling asleep again.

Clint gave Natasha a gentle, soft smile, his blue eyes turning back to the movie they were watching. 

They all had their reasons.

  
  
  


Bucky quietly shuffled himself out of his room, making sure not to disturb the room across him. He pulled his backpack on, checking his phone. 

After telling Steve he usually walked Lucky on Mondays before he left Natasha’s they had, on some fluke, found out they had missed each other on numerous occasions because that was the same park he jogged with Sam. Bucky chalked it up to wrong time anyway, he was only awake early to get to an appointment and killed two birds with one stone. Seeing Steve would be a treat before he had to head out. He let out a low whistle, seeing Lucky sprawled on top of Brock’s back while he was sleeping on the couch. Bucky brushed his fingers over Brock’s forehead unconsciously checking if he was okay. The male murmured softly, turning his head to the opposite side. 

Bucky covered him up with the thin afghan blanket on the end of the couch, tilting his head at the dog, “Let’s go see Steve.”

Bucky headed to the front door, pausing when he heard a creak on the stairs, “Leaving so soon?”

He turned his head watching Natasha’s delicate bare feet stepping down each step with a grace to them. That noise before was on purpose, to make him stop. Her soft golden colored thighs were only partially covered by an oversized purple t-shirt, obviously Clint’s, her fiery red hair hanging along her shoulders in a bed ridden mess that only made her look more beautiful. Bucky smiled at her, taking her hand when she held it out at the end of the staircase. He moved forward to do it, staring at her emerald green eyes. He had always thought she was one of the prettiest girls he had ever seen when he met her, granted he didn’t see too many girls when he was only nine but she was always beautiful. She always caused him to have moments of trying to remember a day when he possibly could have every changed his mind but he really didn’t think there was a day. 

She smiled back at him, pulling him into a hug. Her face tucking into the crook of his neck, her body warm and soft. It was a glaring contrast to how she put herself out there. Outside she was hard and tough, although she rarely had people test her, generally portrayed as silent and calculated, which was another set of attributes she prided herself on.

“I miss you, Kotyonok. Are you doing okay?” Her lips softly brushed against his skin, light fingers dancing at the hair along the nape of his neck. 

Bucky did all but absorb himself into her, shrugging off his backpack to wrap his arms comfortably around her as tight as her body could take it, tilting his head against hers. He lifted her up slightly, her painted toes barely keeping to the floor. “I’m fine. I am. It was only a week, it was okay. I’m sorry I didn’t get any time to sit with you last Sunday when I got back.”

She drew back, staring into his eyes. She studied him carefully, cupping his face with words sitting at her lips. A small knowing smile curved there. “The stars came together and put you both in the same place. I can understand that.”

Bucky closed his eyes, a small surprised laugh escaping him, “No, don’t start blabbering that nonsense too. Clint is the one that does that, not you. Come on now.”

Natasha raised her brow, giving him a shrug, “Why can’t I babble romantic nonsense too?” 

He leaned in, planting a swift kiss on the top of her nose, “Because that ain’t you and get some clothing on, you shouldn’t be hugging guys with your ass in nothing but a t-shirt you slut.” 

She looked at him in surprise, pinching his cheeks hard in retaliation, Bucky only laughing, trying to pull his head back, “Look at a mirror sometimes!”

Bucky laughed harder, “I should get going. I’m taking Lucky out and funny enough Steve jogs with Sam at the same park so I was going to say hi before I leave for my appointment.”

She nodded, giving him a little smile, her hand ruffling Lucky’s fur. “Tell Steve and Sam I said hello.” 

He nodded, giving her a wave. He grabbed his backpack, following the dog outside and down the stoop. 

Bucky walked alongside Lucky, watching the golden Labrador stroll ahead to examine this or that, then come running back as if he was making sure Bucky was still in his range. The male always rewarded his return with a gentle head scratch, a smile on his face. He had always been thinking about getting a dog but it would have ended up being a nomad on his random movements, and half the places he went to probably didn’t even allow dogs. He would have an easier time in a few years perhaps, he wasn’t exactly sure on that one. 

A few joggers ran by them on a cemented walkway path that seemed to go all the way around the park. The canine moved to watch them curiously before returning back to Bucky again while he sank down to re-tie his laces. He glanced up to the sound of him barking and breaking out into an abrupt run, his front paws immediately colliding with muscular thighs. 

“Whoa, hey boy!”

Bucky smirked, of course Lucky found Steve before he saw him. The dog sniffing and biting lightly at his pant lets, trying to tug them off. 

“H-hey, what’s he doing?”

Bucky laughed, clapping his hands together to get Lucky’s attention. When the dog turned, the brunette motioned for him to return, gesturing his crooked index fingers towards his chest watching him bound back to him happily. He put two fingers together, tilting them sideways, his other hand curving two other fingers together like legs to sit against the first pair of fingers. Immediately Lucky sat down, peering up at Bucky with his tongue cheerily hanging out. He smiled down at him, folding his hands into fists, extending out his thumbs and pinkies out, moving them down in a forward thrust towards the ground. Lucky let out a small huff, letting himself relax on the grass, peering back at Steve fixated. 

The brunette looked up with a wide grin, “Sorry about Lucky, usually he doesn’t act like that. He remembered you but he must have smelt me on you. He was pretty much telling you to give me back my clothes. Which means you didn’t wash those sweats, you’re pretty gross, Rogers.”

Sam gave Steve a weird look and the male blushed furiously, “I- I hadn’t done laundry and you only wore them once, they were sitting on the chair, I just grabbed them, they were going in the wash right after anyway. I didn’t know the day I did it, a dog was going to come out of nowhere and play laundry detective with me.”

Sam let out a laugh, shaking his head, “Well now you know you need to do your laundry earlier! What were you doing anyway Bucky? Sign Language?”

The brunette nodded, sitting down on the bench next to where Lucky laid quietly. The pair joining him.  
“It’s just basic but he knows his stuff, it’s mainly for Clint anyway. Sometimes he loses his hearing aids and can’t seem to remember where he left them; then he just falls into a comfortable thing of babbling with his hands to everyone, even the dog. Sometimes its like yesterday, he comes home from work and he just wants silence. Nat knows a lot more than I do, I can get by though. Lucky is so used to it, he prefers it to verbal commands so you just roll with it.”

The blond scoffed, “He’s being modest, he was keeping up with Clint."

Sam leaned forward, letting Lucky raise his head to sniff his hand, taking a glance at Bucky for a second. Bucky made a small gesture with his hand to do as he pleased and the canine popped himself up, moving closer to sit in front of Sam to receive proper head scratches. 

A chuckle escaped Steve, propping his arms comfortably against the back of the bench, “Be careful, Sam may kidnap that dog.”

Sam gave him a noncommittal glare before making kissy faces at Lucky, brushing both hands into the dog’s hair, scratching him behind his ears and through his fur along his upper back. A wide grin crossed his face as the dog let his eye close then open again, tongue hanging out happily. “This dog is literally smiling and winking all day, how great is that?”

Steve grinned, glancing over at Bucky, nudging his shoe to his. “Do you want to get something to eat? We were pretty much finished over here anyway.”

“When am I not hungry?”

The blond nodded in agreement, pulling himself up, “Let’s go get some breakfast, Sam.”

  


A server came with three plates of food, setting each down before them, with another server bringing a dog dish to put on the floor for Lucky, who had half placed himself under the patio table and the other half against Bucky.  
Bucky’s eyes stared quietly down at the food, his eyes fixated for a long moment before Lucky barked out slightly, head butting the side of Bucky’s thigh. 

Steve glanced over curiously, his fork pressing into some hashbrowns, “Something wrong?”

The brunette shook his head with a smile, his hand reaching down to firmly pet the top of Lucky’s head which had comfortably rested on the top of Bucky’s thigh. His fingers gently ran along one furry ear, Lucky tilting his head to lick his fingers. Steve watched Bucky nodding to him like they had been holding some sort of silent conversation. 

Sam looked over then looked at Steve, giving him a warm smile. He reached over to steal a sausage link, Steve trying to hover his hands over his plate before anything else got stolen. 

“Hey, you chose salad you deal with it.”

A finger pointed out the strawberries and slices of oranges at the corner of Bucky’s plate, glancing up at Steve, “Hey could you eat that stuff, at least the strawberries.”

Steve made a small noise, remembering suddenly, “Oh right, you’re allergic! Sure, here..” He grabbed his fork, spearing two, his fingers grabbing the third to pop in his mouth. 

A simple smile came back to the brunette as he picked up a piece of ham off this plate, holding it out for the Labrador to eat. He relaxed finally, picked up a slice of toast to take a bite, Sam watching him but not saying anything. Instead he chose a different subject altogether, “So what are your plans today, usually you’re still asleep at this time aren’t you? Steve’s mentioned your penchant for staying up late.”

Bucky shrugged, “I have a doctors appointment. I’ll prolly head out there after dropping this guy off. I have to go to home and get a piece done I was working on. Some woman that’s friends with my mom asked me to do something, it’s boring but its simple enough, though I’ve been dragging my feet about it when I said I would do it.”

Sam chewed his food thoughtfully, swirling his fork through the air lightly, “You sculpt right? Is it as a hobby or..?”

He watched and waited for the brunette to elaborate though a few seconds later Sam stopped and for some reason cut himself off, smiling warmly again instead.

Bucky raised a brow at him but didn’t question it, taking another bite of his toast before answering with a soft shrug, “Yeah I do, and its a hobby like drawing. Waiting for Steve to see if he wants to paint with me one day, I’m a little rusty at it.”

The blond perked up, “Really? You should have told me! Half the time we don’t do anything, I would love to do it again with you. Anytime you want Buck, just ask. I have an extra easel in my closet somewhere too.” He dropped his fork excitedly, his hand going into his hair to remember just exactly how buried back in there it was. 

“Steve, calm down. He just said it, you don’t have to act like it’s right this minute!”

“I’m excited okay? No one’s asked me if they could paint with me for a long time, remember that time you tried and you were just being a grump all day? He wants to actually do it, this is great!”

Buck bowed his head over his food, quietly chewing on his eggs feeling the blush kick in. He felt so embarrassed but also pretty pleased with himself over Steve’s reaction, blindly reaching for his cup of coffee to hide as much of his face as he could.

  
  
  
Natasha came over to the bar, setting her tray down in front of Steve with a small smile playing on her lips as he dried up a few shot glasses. Nick’s was fairly empty for a Tuesday night, which was to be expected, a handful of regulars grazing the bar stools and tables, fairly tame for a bartender, a waitress and a cook in the back. 

“Can I get you anything?”

Natasha only kept her mysterious smile, shaking her head gently and Steve couldn’t help but smile back at her over the bar, raising a brow slowly. She rested an elbow on the smooth clean surface, lightly resting her cheek against her fingers. “It’s just really quiet so I’m bothering you.”

He turned around, grabbing an empty glass and the large bottle of sparkling water, pouring her out a drink anyway. He set it down, folding his arms loosely over the counter top, leaning over it, “Not bothering me in the very least, though you have that look where you seem to know something I should know.”

“Do I?”

“And now you’re deflecting.”

Natasha’s green eyes stole away from Steve, peering aimlessly around the room with a tilt of her head, soft red hair falling against her back. “Maybe. I heard Bucky is dropping by after,” She paused with a roll of her eyes, “His date.”

Now Steve laughed, “He doesn’t date but a nice word of choice considering he does have a lot of dates from what I’m hearing and yeah he’s coming by after whatever he’s doing. You changed the subject by the way.”

She sipped at the water, a perfectly sculpted brow raised, “Did I? I thought I was still on topic.”

He wasn’t sure if she was confusing him or being honest. She had a way of talking in riddles, he let out a huff in response, shaking his head with a grin. “Going to give up now before I really get a headache from you.”

“Good choice.” A smug smile hiding behind the glass before they turned to the door opening, a group coming in to seat themselves at one of the larger booths. Immediately Natasha moved towards them, getting back to work. 

Steve placed the glass in the sink behind him, finishing up his clean up. He took payment for one of the bar flies only to raise his head to a familiar voice when door was held open by the departing customer. Bucky strolled in with a wave wearing a black leather jacket and a white v-neck underneath accompanied with black skinny jeans.

_Did he paint those on?_

Bucky tucked himself down at the far end of the bar after saying a quick hi to Natasha while she served a couple in another booth. Steve approached him, wiping down the bar surface with a smile, “So what can I get you?”

“Hmn, just a coffee I think. Its one of those days.”

“You’re early. Did you go on an actual date and it didn’t go through? Haven’t seen the leather jacket before."

A snort escaped him, “Nah, no date unless you use air quotes beside it. Just not someone I really wanted to deal with so I left early."

He nodded, not wanting to press but also curious. “I thought you kind of, just do it in those situations. Or am I missing something in the world of," he raised his fingers to make air quotes. “Dating."

Bucky smiled at him, “He wanted to talk about relationship stuff, he wanted to really date. I said I wasn’t interested and he acted like it was okay but I know those kinda people too well. They’ll pretend to be okay then the waterworks happens or you turn into the bad guy. I just said no and left."

Steve wanted to ask why he wasn’t interested but flashed him a look of understanding instead, turning to the back area by the sink. He grabbed a cup and saucer from the shelf, pouring him some coffee. He placed it down with some sugar, turning towards the back again.

The stool beside Bucky pulled out, a male in his late twenties sat himself down. He glanced over for a second, flashing a smile before looking over at Steve, patiently waiting to be served.

Grabbing a small single serve milk pitcher from the mini fridge, Steve whirled back around, placing it beside the coffee. “There you go. Hey, didn’t see you there, what can I get you?”

“A double whiskey, neat. I’ll buy his coffee too.” 

A twenty dollar bill pressed down against the smooth varnished wood, easily sliding towards Steve’s flattened palm, his eyes going towards Bucky who had been adding his milk before he raised his head in surprise. “Who me?”

The dark haired figure smiled casually again, Steve raising confused brows before muttering a sure. 

“You really don’t need to pay for the coffee, I can- ”

The stranger only shook his head, “You’re drinking a coffee in a bar. Something tells me you need a break or at least a good moment.”

Bucky tried to suppress an obvious frown forming his lips, avoiding the unwanted attention of spouting out that he was having a good moment with Steve before he walked in and ruined it. His half smile, half frown formed a grimace and he looked down at his drink, grabbing a few packets of sugar from the dish. “I’m alright.”

Steve set down a square coaster, then the man’s drink on top of it, holding out his change. The stranger only shook his head, gesturing for the blond to keep it. Steve’s blue eyes looked over at Bucky silently mixing his coffee, tucking the money into the pocket of his waist apron.

“Thanks for the tip.” He meant to be gratefully earnest about it, what came out in his voice was the feeling that he was _wary_. 

The male nodded casually, taking a sip from his tumbler. Bucky looked up at Steve, their eyes glancing at each other before the brunette gave him a smile, taking a slow sip of his coffee. Steve chewed the inside of his cheek, turning when a couple approached the other side of the bar. He approached them quickly, a large smile immediately spreading over his face. 

“Boyfriend?”

It took a moment for Bucky to realize he was being asked that question, looking over to his right, “No, a friend of mine.”

“So you’re just sitting here alone?”

He didn’t answer, quietly sipping his coffee as he watched Steve flash a smile to another woman, handing her a beer. He laughed at something she said and nodded encouragingly, a friend beside her batting at his arm lightly causing her to laugh some more. 

“That’s gotta be real lonely, especially when you’re so pretty." Bucky felt fingers brush his cheek and he shivered. He literally shivered in disgust. His instincts rushed in, left hand grabbing the offending hand in a swift motion. He was on his feet so quickly his stool collided with the floor, twisting the man’s hand and arm into the his back. Bucky’s right hand shoved hard into the side of the stranger’s head with a slight turn, slamming the side of his face down on the bar, pinning him there while everyone froze in surprise.

Bucky leaned in by the man’s ear, Steve rushing over, “I’m not _pretty_. I’m not sitting alone here at the bar hoping a guy like you can get a fuck. So why don’t you get your ass out of this bar and never show up here again.”

The man was released, Steve tensing up as did everyone else waiting for a retaliation. He did nothing in return though, reaching audaciously for his whiskey, drinking it down before giving a final look at Bucky who stood staring at him in cold anger before he tore for the exit with a shake of his head. 

Briefly, Bucky glanced at Natasha, her eyes meeting his for a second. He watched her subtly put away the steak knife she had tucked against her forearm to ready herself with. He downed his coffee in one go, watching Steve come out from the bar to stand beside him. “Wow Bucky, you really told him off. That was amazing, but are you okay?”

Bucky nodded, straightening himself but Steve saw his eyes had dimmed and mouth set in a soft frown while he clenched his jaw. He retrieved his pack of smokes from a pocket, walking outside without saying a word. Steve, always the nosy one, followed after him, concerned and worried.

“Buck?”

“I’m fine Steve, just go away.”

Steve watched his shaky fingers fumble for the pack and open them, dropping it on the floor with a soft sound. He cursed out in a whisper under his breath, stooping to pick them up, Steve beating him to it. He pulled one out for him, holding it out. The brunette looked at him for a moment before taking it and putting it between his lips. Retrieving a lighter he was always carrying just in case, Steve flicked it and held it out, watching Bucky light his cigarette with the flame. He watched him inhale deeply, holding it before exhaling out into the breeze moving past them. 

“I don’t usually smoke, just sometimes..”

Steve nodded, “Sometimes you just have to do what you need to do. You okay?”

He quickly nodded, “Yeah, I’m okay.”

“You don’t look okay, your hands are shaking.” He pressed on, stepping slightly closer.

Bucky shook his head, holding the cigarette with his middle and index fingers, his thumb brushing across his brow absently, “Just stop okay. I’m calming down. Creeps like that always happen, its just really annoying.”

He gave him a sympathetic smile, “I’m sorry.”

Bucky exhaled a puff of smoke, guilt kicking in underneath his racing pulse. The uncontrolled shaking sinking into his bones, he hated when it happened, trying his best to soothe it and calm his mind down. He shook his head, knowing Steve was there watching him like a confused puppy, big blue eyes waiting and watching him. He really did feel bad for acting like a dick, it was just hard not to. 

He released a heavy sigh, “Hey, look. I’m sorry. Okay? Wasn’t meaning to snap at you.”

“Does that happen a lot, Buck?” 

Steve’s voice was low but he distinctly heard the worry dipped into it and it only made him feel terrible and maybe little flattered if he wasn’t so angry inside. He held the cigarette at the corner of his mouth, speaking out from the opposite side, “No, not a lot.” He lied, putting his arms out for him, “Come here you big ape. Getting worried over nothin’.”

Steve immediately stepped in, hugging Bucky as tight as he could and the brunette settled into the hug, taking one last drag before flicking the half smoked cigarette into a nearby puddle. He rested his hand gently back on Steve’s shoulder hugging him for as long as he wanted to. 

The blond pulled back when a few people starting going inside, he thumbed towards the door, “I should prolly go deal with them.” 

He rubbed his hands together realizing how cold it was outside, Bucky nodded to him, “Yeah, I’ll be there in a second.”

Bucky watched him go inside, seating himself at one of the side walk tables. He curled himself tighter into his leather jacket, not completely ready to go inside yet though soon enough he may be forced to with the temperature. He watched three guys walk past him and enter the bar, his eyes turning back towards the street feeling mildly strained over the restraint he forced on himself. He glanced back when the trio came back outside a few minutes later, one making a comment about how much of a looker Natasha was. The other agreed, lighting a cigarette as the third sat himself down in one of the awaiting chairs. Bucky’s eyes checked where Natasha currently was, watching the redhead pressed up against the bar; Steve opened up two beers, placing them on her tray. He mixed something with coke and ice, placing that on the tray as well. They gave each other smiles and she walked towards the front doors. 

 

Natasha pushed hard on the door, glancing back worriedly before tearing through some people, “Steve! Hurry! He’s outside!”

The blond looked up, body tensing to the anxiety in Natasha’s voice, moving out from behind the bar, “Who is? What’s wrong?”

She quickly grabbed his arm, pulling towards the door, “Bucky’s in a fight with three guys, hurry!”

“What the hell?!”

Steve quickly made his way outside, roughly grabbing one of them men to his immediate left throwing him against the brick wall. Bucky threw a punch at the male that had been talking to Natasha, connecting with his nose. He watched the guy stumble back. Ducking a swing from his friend, Bucky nailed a retaliatory fist to the man’s stomach. Steve kept an eye on the first guy he handled, though he seemed to be the one that didn’t want to participate, keeping himself at the wall. Steve roughly grabbed the back of the shirt of the one that Bucky punched in the stomach, kicking out the back of his knee to force him down to the pavement. He looked back just in time to see the lucky swing into Bucky’s already bleeding face hitting him in the eye, Bucky in return got the chance to land the same strike at his opponent. The two of them stepped back a few feet, eyeing each other. Both were bleeding from the face, except the man was folding his arm against him a little closely, revealing pain to his side. 

“Stop!” Steve hollered out, holding the man on the ground with a foot on his back. “Do you really want me to get into the game buddy? Your friend over there doesn’t even want to fight, and I got this one down in seconds. Your best bet is to gather up your pals and get going unless you want me to join in. The red head over there is pretty good with knives, she even kinda scares me sometimes.”

The guy froze, considering his options before nodding quickly and skirting past Bucky and Natasha to kick his friend up to his feet. Steve moved his foot off the one under his shoe to let him join them. 

Exhaling with a roll of his eyes considering that it was only Tuesday, Steve turned and grabbed Bucky’s face, “Hey. Hey, you alright?” 

Bucky tried to look around, making sure they really were gone and weren’t any other problems. His eyes peered into Steve’s, blinking a couple of times before nodding, his own hands pressed lightly against the male’s chest. “Guess I got my aggression out in some way.”

“Your nose is bleeding, Buck.” Steve pulled the bottom of his shirt up, gently dabbing at his nostrils, careful not to add too much pressure. 

“I’m fine, Steve. It’s okay.” He made no attempt to fight him, his eyes slipping closed, one stinging a little. A gentle smile spread over his bruised lips and Steve shifted his other hand to cradle his head instead. 

“Here.” Natasha broke in, handing him a wash cloth soaked in warm water. Steve nodded a thanks at her, letting his shirt drop to dab and wipe Bucky’s face down completely. He wasn’t too worse for wear, the other guys getting more of the damage. Luckily it was only the nose and his split lip, and perhaps a black eye, the bleeding had already stopped itself. 

“First time visiting us here and already giving the place a bad name.”

Bucky smiled under the Steve’s concerned gaze, his fingers lightly curling in to the fabric of the blond’s shirt, “I’m sorry but not really. Saw one of them smack Tasha’s ass when we were all outside, just reacted.”

Steve gave his lip one last careful swipe before moving his hand out of his hair, “Maybe I should be calling you Prince Charming instead of giving the title to myself.”

Bucky snorted, turning when Nat returned, taking the beer she was holding out for him. He gave her a wink, drinking it down, the hand on his shirt patting Steve’s chest. He handed the empty bottle back, covering a burp before flashing Steve a dorky grin, “Nah you keep that title. I’m just Bucky the shit disturber.”

“No kidding.” Steve retorted, draping an arm around his friend, leading him back inside.

  
  
  
Steve tossed his keys on the side table, immediately tugging Bucky through the hallway, the brunette rolling his eyes as he followed him into the bathroom.

“Steve, I’m fine. Really.”

The blond ignored him, fumbling through the cabinet till he found the first aid kit. He pulled out some cotton balls, soaking them in alcohol. He tugged Bucky’s hand, Bucky pulling it back to himself. 

“Steve, I said I was fine. I’m used to getting bruised knuckles.”

He was only given a glare til he put his hand out with a sigh, “You’re so fucking stubborn, Jesus.”

Bucky fell into the warm feeling of Steve’s larger hand clutching his, the soaked swab gently roaming over each bruised and split knuckle. He watched in silence as he examined his hand all around for any other breaks in skin, tilting his head down to lightly blow on the moistened areas sending a shiver through Bucky. 

_Please stop that._

He let out a slight huff of air, watching Steve concentrating on his other hand, the white cotton turning a light shade of pink. He repeated the blow of air along Bucky’s knuckles, the brunette ready to smack Steve one for unintentionally making him feel completely warm and giddy. 

“Now,” He raised his head, tilting Bucky’s head slightly with the slight pressure of his thumb and index. “Lip is swollen but looks okay and your eye looks okay.”

Bucky rolled his eyes, “Thanks mom. I could have told you all that after you wiped my face down at the bar.”

“I wouldn’t have listened.”

“Of course not, Dick.”

Steve washed his hands off, tucking the box away back into the cabinet, only giving Bucky a shrug. The brunette turned away, aimlessly heading towards the living room. 

“Nope.” He heard behind him, feeling hands press against his shoulders, turning him around and towards his room, “Bed, now.”

Bucky couldn’t help letting out a loud groan, “This would be really hot if we were doing stuff in said bed. Sleeping isn’t my thing right now.”

Steve chuckled behind him, “You came home with me, I get to make the plans.”

“Oh careful, Rogers. That sounds really kinky.”

He felt himself be whirled around, face to face with Steve, his eyes studying him closely, Bucky could only give him a coy smile back.

“You’re a brat.”

He shrugged, “I’ve been called worse.”

Steve lightly shoved him against the bed, moving to the drawers to toss him a pair of sweats and a tee. He pulled a pair for himself, sauntering off to the bathroom again. Bucky let his head drop back, laughing to himself with a shake of his head. He changed quickly, trying to ignore the burning ache in his hands and face. He was having a bad enough time breaking out of his habit of lip chewing while his lip was swollen and inflamed.

He crawled into bed, his side feeling tender. He didn’t remember getting hit around there but he assumed he may have forgotten, lightly stroking the spot. He laid back, studying the back of his hands. He started to feel hazy and warm, maybe he was wrong about wanting to go to bed, giving in to the instinct to close his eyes. He didn’t open them when Steve returned, turning the lights off and closing his door. He walked over, pausing for a second, then moved around to the other side, climbing in. 

“I told you it was time to go to sleep, Ass.”

Bucky chuckled under closed eyes, pulling the covers tighter under his chin, “Shut up. Leave me alone, I’m hurt.”

There was a small cough of a laugh, “No, don’t even try that one.”

Bucky shrugged to himself again, no one could ever blame him for not trying.

 

Steve felt that weird internal pull. That shift of him falling out of the weird foggy haze he was in. A deep suck of air filled his lungs, eyes opening straight into darkness. Laying on his back he felt movement next to him, realizing that was what had woken him up. He probably should have thanked them, lost in dreams about the funeral again. His memory still cloudy, shoulder bumping lightly into his. His mind untangled memories of last night before finally realizing who was there.

Bucky squirmed again next to him, softly murmuring face first into the pillow, his shoulder pressing harder against Steve's. The blond couldn't tell what he was saying but the sharp notes in his voice told him he would be escalating if Steve did nothing. He pushed away the sleep laden gloom, managing to gently pull Bucky to rest his head on his shoulder. He brought his arm around him, lightly soothing him with his hand along his back. He felt so warm, Bucky’s arm instinctively draping over Steve's chest, soft bruised fingers holding onto the material of his shirt. 

"I got you." He whispered with the tilt of his head against the brunette’s, his incessant whispers quieting down. He felt Bucky tuck his face against his neck, shaky breaths shifting into calm ones again. Steve stared up at the ceiling, not sure what time it was though it was still dark outside. His right arm stayed wrapped around Bucky, allowing his fingers to move up and brush through his hair. The silence wrapped around the pair of them again, Steve feeling the shift of Bucky pressing close to him and any intensity he felt just a moment ago gone into the oblivion. He was thankful for it truth be told, the terror he heard in Bucky's screaming when he had his last nightmare still rang through him. He didn't want to encroach the subject after the fact and Bucky never brought it up, it just sat with him how panicked he sounded.

His mind wandered back to the dream and the funeral, everyone faceless and silent. He felt the sharp pain come back in his chest, blinking only once before he felt tears in his eyes. He attempted blinking them back quickly only to feel them fall anyway. His eyes flashed over to the top of Bucky’s head. It was a ridiculous thought thinking he would disturb him with tears but he did anyway, a stupid habit. His left hand brushed away as much as he could, sighing out heavily. His eyes roamed to look outside, the glass sprinkled with small drops of light rain. Sleep blanketed over him but his mind looped and replayed his erratic and restless dreams. His fingers unconsciously weaving and brushing through Bucky’s hair, his sleep undisturbed except for a few murmurs here and there that Steve had always picked up that he did while he was sleeping. 

His eyes were feeling heavy, the drowsiness setting in. It was a welcoming surprise, barely remembering the last time he could easily go back to sleep this way aside from when Tony was there, or Sam crashing in his king size for Netflix and snacks. 

This. This was welcoming. He was glad to get a little back while he helped Bucky heed off the nightmare of whatever he was having. Laying here in the darkness would be alright if it meant Bucky got some rest and not scared. A yawn escaped his lips, the weight sleeping against him stirring slightly, gripping his t-shirt tighter before drifting off again. Steve was apparently wrong though, letting himself be taken back to dream something better than what had woken him up. 

 

Bucky felt the sharp daylight from the outside window shining through his eyelids, a grumpy noise escaping him. Now he knew why he preferred facing the other direction. His cheek affectionately rubbed into Steve’s chest in an automatic fashion, feeling a strong arm wrap tighter around his lower waist. His mind came back to him a moment later, his body completely tensing up, eyes carefully opening to look around. He wasn’t dreaming and he had completely pressed himself into Steve’s side and half onto his chest, the blond still asleep on his back.

“Shit." He muttered out, his stiff feeling fingers letting go of the fabric of Steve’s shirt. He lifted his head to figure out how he could snake out of this, flinching at the touch of fingers in his hair.

_Goddamn it Bucky. What are you doing?_

He fought the urge to nestle right in again, managing to tilt his head enough for the hand in his hair to slide off. He took Steve by the wrist where it was resting on his hip lifting it slightly, he flattened himself a little to squeeze out of that spot without causing him to hold on tighter. He slipped out then rolled over to face the other direction, moving slow and deliberate. He pulled the blanket over himself, shaking his head. “So stupid, Barnes.”

  
  
Bucky finally stirred awake for the second time, his mind giving him the sense of alarm and he felt _off_. He blinked a few times, feeling a heavy weight pressed up behind him. The bedroom door was wide open, Steve’s clothing tossed carelessly from a run earlier in the day. His runners on the floor looking as if they were just kicked aside. He raised a hand to rub his eye, reaching for his cell phone on the night table. Arms tightened around him, though with a slight struggle he managed to wrap fingers around to grip his cell. 

“Phone.” He muttered out, checking that it was after 11am. He settled back into where he was, Steve shifting to accommodate but not by much, pressing insanely tight against Bucky’s frame. It was unusual that Steve was even pressed into him. Sometimes they woke like that but he would give him space, and then to even change back into something for sleeping then get back into bed. His mind nervously accessing the last few minutes and the disarray of everything even if it looked minor.

He tilted his head to the side, trying to speak over his shoulder, “You okay there, Steve?” 

He received no reply, but he knew Steve hadn’t been sleeping. 

“Alright. Well I have to take a leak, so if you could let me go that would be awesome.”

Bucky immediately felt his brows furrow when the reaction was the opposite of what he expected. Steve hooking a foot at his ankles, tightening the arms looped around stomach. 

This was..not good.

Bucky moved his hands, gingerly stroking his forearms, “Steve, I don’t want to pee myself in your bed. You’re going to have to let go of your anaconda grip for maybe one minute if that. I promise I’ll be back.”

The only response he received was a disagreeable huff of air, releasing his hold.

He immediately pulled himself up, heading out of the room, speaking from the hallway, “I promised alright?”

Returning quickly after, he found Steve rolled over with his back to him and bundled in, obviously not planning to get up anytime soon. Bucky sighed to himself, hating how unresponsive Steve was. He didn’t want to fuck up anything and upset him further than what he already seemed to be.

He sat himself down on the edge of the bed, resting a leg across the mattress, his left hand pressing against Steve’s body again. “Hey, move over fatso.” 

A hesitant smile sat on his face while he waited, Steve having a moment before he shifted more towards the middle of the bed. Bucky rolled over beside his frame, his hand reaching to pull at the blanket. “Come on, give it up.”

Steve squirmed, Bucky seeing that he had effectively cocooned himself in, both of them looking for the end together. Bucky moved the blanket down a little, pulling the edges around him and under to encase them both. Steve turned on his side to look at him, Bucky sank down and mirrored his body to Steve’s looking back at him. It was then that he noticed how bloodshot his eyes were. He reached his hand up, lightly holding Steve’s chin to examine his face.

How long had he been crying? _Why_ had be been crying?

“You really don’t want to explain this to me?”

Steve only closed his eyes, shaking his head and Bucky took the moment to admire those lashes again, letting his hand fall away from his face. He nodded more so to himself, directing Steve to turn around, his eyes following his muscular body move fluidly under the covers his own hand tugging a pillow for his head. He hesitated again, staring at Steve’s broad back before finally moving in, his arm snaking under Steve’s arm to wrap in front of his chest. Bucky moved his left arm under the crook of Steve’s neck to rest across his pillow. He pressed himself firmly against Steve’s back feeling a jittery nervousness kick around inside of him. He felt the male immediately melt into him, his arm curling up to tuck against the arm Bucky had around Steve‘s chest.

“Is this okay?”

“Yes. Thank you.” It was barely a whisper. 

He wanted to say _for you anything_ but he only stayed silent, his face burying into Steve’s hair, inhaling the scent of his shampoo, his thumb making small circles against his shirt. A satisfied sigh escaped Steve, his toes drawing along Bucky’s, a warm brush of air escaping his lips. Bucky listened intently to Steve’s breathing, his own trying to mimic the slow, shallow sound, though he felt nervousness overriding it. He was hyper aware of their positions and the line he was encroaching. He didn’t want to do anything to make Steve further upset though he had no idea why he was upset in the first place. Occasionally Steve slipped back into a deeper inhale, Bucky concentrating on his heartbeat near his hand, really just trying to relax his friend. He had no idea if Steve was even awake anymore in front of him, no clue if this was exactly what he needed. Insecurities racing through his mind as he worried over if Steve needed more, or if he wanted more comfort. If he wanted water, or if he was in need of words. He had no idea.

Bucky’s train of thought ceased when he brushed against odd plasticy patches along Steve’s skin. He felt them out, fingers tracing the odd spots, “Have you been painting?”

There was a moment delay before Steve softly nodded, to him, Bucky pulling back to sit himself up. He examined Steve’s hands with a soft sigh, finally relaxing a little. “Painting her again.” 

He watched him partially nod, Bucky settling back down against him, “Dammit, I’m sorry. I shoulda woken up earlier.” He held Steve close to him, stroking his hair lightly.

“I just really miss her..”

It killed Bucky to hear Steve sound so sad and so lost. He would have done almost anything to snap him out of it. “I know, believe me, I know. I’ve never met her and all you did years ago was talk about her like she was a saint and I believed it. Every last word of it you told me. Come here, c’mon turn around.”

He gently maneuvered Steve, purposefully keeping it light in case it wasn’t what he wanted to do but the male silently obliged. He immediately pressed his head against Bucky’s chest. The brunette loosely wrapped his arms around his blond head, stroking his hair, “You should take a nap. I ain’t goin’ nowhere. If you want to stay like this all day though then I’ll have order take out for us.”

He felt moisture melt into his shirt, realizing Steve was crying. It was slow and almost indistinguishable except for the occasional sniffled inhales. 

“Shh, it’s okay, you’re okay.” He continued long deliberate strokes against his scalp and into his hair, feeling Steve’s strong hands hold desperately to him, the pressure of his palms pressing firmly into his back. Bucky felt like there was an eternity before he comfortably felt Steve fall asleep again from most likely fatigue. He carried on until his eyes were heavy and dull, cradling Steve as he dozed off, his last thoughts escaping him with only the hope things were okay when he woke up.

 

Steve awoke with a slow lazy movement of his head pressed against Bucky’s warm chest. He felt a little hazy and unfocused but relatively better than he was when he was overcome with his grief. Now he had pulled Bucky into it too, that was another problem. He really hadn’t planned to burden him with it, Sam was always around at least by phone and there was Tony. He shuffled thoughts around in his head, drinking in the warmth like he was dying for it.

His fingers lightly shifted against the material of Bucky’s t-shirt, tracing mindlessly through to the skin. He honest to god felt horrible but he knew he was selfish enough not to feel completely bad about it, at least not right now. It was embarrassing in a large way, he didn’t want to reveal it outright like he did but it felt okay and Bucky only fell with him, holding his hand. It caused his needy side to disregard everything he had against the idea, taking out the stack of cons like dominoes. 

“You waking up?”

Steve raised his head, tensing a little bit when reality broke into his train of thought. Grey blue eyes peered at him curiously and Steve nodded, “Yeah, I’m sorry. I feel better. Just give me a sec Buck and I’ll move, I feel a little slow.”

He felt Bucky lightly brush his fingers against his hair and a scoff escape him, “If you need to stay like this, you can stay like this. I don’t care, I was just checking on you. Your phone was ringing though, you were so out of it.”

“Oh Shit. it was probably Sam. He was probably calling to see when he should come over.” 

Steve shuffled through to the side he usually slept on, grabbing his cell off the opposing nightstand, sitting himself up. He raked a hand over his face, trying to remove any sort of sleep still there. He sent Sam a text, standing up to get some clothing while he waited for a reply.

Bucky bit his lip, watching Steve trying to wake himself up. He seemed to be completely back to normal, acting if most of what happened was gone and out, generally that was fine but he wondered if maybe it was a better idea to take a couple of hours to relax and take things quietly after what happened. They still had a class later. “Are you sure you want to do this, you can take your time before class. Pretty sure they won’t care and we’ll see them over there.” 

Steve looked down at his phone, nodding to himself while he typed something out. A soft smile appeared on his lips, sitting beside the brunette with his arm of clothing, “Buck, I’m fine. Really I am. I just got a little depressed and needed to let off some stress. Besides, you’re all my friends. I would rather have you all around than force you to hang out with me while I mope.”

Bucky elbowed him, “If I let you.”

Steve laughed, shouldering himself into the brunette’s side with a laugh, “Sure, sure. I’ll be back, I need another shower to refresh myself.”

The male nodded, waving him off to go back to his own phone.

  
  
Bucky was dressed and eating cereal on the couch when Steve finally emerged out of the shower. “I’m glad at least that you use spoons for cereal.”

“You’re hilarious.” He retorted dryly, eyes never leaving the cartoon he was watching. 

He only smiled, walking into the kitchen. He grabbed himself an apple, plopping down on the couch next to him. “So Sam should be here in a few minutes. Nat and Clint?”

Bucky tilted the bowl, drinking down the last bit of milk. He moved towards the kitchen, “Clint offered to bring some food, pizza most likely. Natasha’s at work, so we won’t see her til tonight.”

Steve followed after him, tossing the core in the trash. He picked up the grocery bag with the chips; the knock at the door was rapid but brief, Bucky dashing across the floor to slide across the smooth wood in his socks. He bumped his palms against the wall, unlocking it with a grin, “Hey Sam.”

Steve looked over, dumping a bag of chips into a mixing bowl, “Bucky stop tearing my place apart.”

The brunette gave him a small shrug, going back to the couch after Sam gave him a cheerful wave. 

Sam walked over to the kitchen, tucking his hands into his pockets casually. He took a secondary look towards Bucky watching tv before he turned back to Steve with his brows lightly furrowed, a gentle crease hitting his forehead.

He pressed his back lightly against the counter, resting his hands against the edges, “How are you doing Steve?”

The blond opened the fridge, pulling out two rolls of cookie dough, glancing up to give his best friend a smile, “I’m good Sam, thanks.”

The brunette watched him fetch a pair of baking sheets from the drawer under the oven, setting the temperature to preheat. “That’s not what I meant. You didn’t answer your call and then you sent me a text instead when you did get back to me. You were pretty quiet when we were out too.”

Steve shrugged, “I kind of messed up, had a bad dream, then went to paint after we had a run and it just hit me.”

“Are you feeling okay? Man you should have told me, we didn’t have to hang out today.”

Steve quickly shook his head, a hand lightly patting his best friend’s shoulder, “No, no. It’s alright. Bucky was already here and made me feel better. He asked if I wanted to keep our thing going, I really wanted to hang out. I’m okay now, just a little tired feeling.”

Sam looked at him in thought, eventually he nodded, “Alright, good that you had someone since you didn’t contact me.” 

He gave Steve a lecturing look and Steve blushed, shrugging slightly, “I know, I know. You said always let you know. I was just overwhelmed and fell asleep when Bucky was there. It had completely slipped my mind. I’m sorry Sam.”

The brunette smiled, “I just want to know you’re okay Steve. I’m honestly glad you have someone else you can trust with this other than me and Tony to help you out. I want you to be able to have access to whatever you need whenever the moment takes you. Have you considered coming back to therapy?”

His lips pursed, “A little.” 

Sam already heard the tightness in his voice, his hand immediately rubbing the blond’s shoulder gently, “There no rush, I was just asking.”

He nodded quickly and smiled, “I just hate talking about her, you know. It makes me really upset when I have to do it and its not one of my attacks. It sounds stupid but I prefer having a random attack than being asked how I feel once a week.”

“It’s not stupid, but talking it out may get you to a core of the issues into why you keep having those moments. They could help you stop them. You left so early in the last time and decided to suffer through it instead. Next time, if there is a next time, give it a longer chance. You know I’m always here for you.”

Steve let out a slow breath of air, nodding. “I know Sam. Thank you.” He wrapped his arms around him, both embracing for a tight, strong hug.

“Good. Now I got a game to catch if I can wrestle that remote out of Barnes’ hands!”

Steve grinned, giving him a nod. He spooned out the cookie dough over the non stick surface, quickly getting them in the oven. He pulled out a plate, setting it aside for later, checking his watch. He looked over at the pair sitting at the couch, grabbing two beers out of the fridge and the bowl of chips. He passed the drinks, putting the bowl on the coffee table, “When did Clint say he was coming?”

Bucky reached for a handful of chips, glancing over at Steve, “Any time now, he was already at the pizza place when I texted him.”

Sam stretched his legs out, holding his beer against his thigh, “Great, I’m starving. I got a beer, game’s on, pizza. Sounds like a perfect day.”

Steve grinned, “Even though you had work earlier?”

The brunette nodded after taking a long drink from his bottle, “Yes because I didn’t have much of a work day. I just had to be there for a couple hours, which is better than the whole day.”

Steve gave him a nod, returning to the kitchen, Bucky following after him. “Are they ready yet?” 

Steve leaned against the opposite counter watching him staring daggers at the cookies through the oven door window. “It’s only been five minutes Buck. Out of anyone, you should know how long it takes to bake cookies.”

“I want them now though. Let’s just take them out now and eat the warm goo.”

He opened his mouth to respond, cut off by Sam interrupting to ask from the couch if the cookies were done yet. Steve tossed him a glare in response, turning back to Bucky who pointed at Sam, “I’m not the only one okay with cookie goo.”

The blond pinched the bridge of his nose, “We are not eating warm cookie goo. I can’t believe I’m even saying that. Just both of you, give it four more minutes.”

“Steve, I want them in my mouth.”

“Excuse you. You wait the four minutes and then wait another few minutes for them to cool. You’re worse than a five year old.”

Steve watched Bucky bend over and look through the oven window again as if trying to will it to hurry up.

“But I’m not five, I’m old enough to drink and thusly old enough to eat cookie goo.” He pulled the oven mitt off the counter, slipping it on over his right hand. 

Steve’s eyes widened, lurching forward, “Oh no you don’t!” He moved to grab Bucky by the waist, turning him while he was caught off guard only to hoist him up onto Steve’s own shoulder, holding him tightly in place with his arm around his thighs.

“Steve! Steve put me down! Sam help me!”

Sam glanced up from the television only to see Steve grinning wildly and Bucky’s butt in the air over said blond’s shoulder. “What the hell are you two doing?”

Bucky slapped his fists into Steve’s back, the male laughing at him, “He was trying to get the cookies out early, I had to stop him. He’s acting like a kid so I picked him up like one!"

Sam groaned, “You’re both acting like kids if you ask me.” 

He looked away, pretending to go back to the game he was watching. He quietly retrieved his phone, taking a look over back to the kitchen, he flipped to video, recording Steve still laughing childishly while he walked around in a tight circle with Bucky still slapping at his back.

Bucky yanked at Steve’s button up shirt, “Steve, put me down. I promise I won’t eat the cookie goo!”

“Two more minutes Buck and I’ll put you down. Stop saying cookie goo.” Steve grinned wider, spinning around quickly in amusement, causing Bucky to let out a grumpy wail, slapping at his back again. 

Sam could only chuckle to himself, turning the camera to his face with a speculative brow then ending the recording. He promptly sent it to Natasha and waited. Her response was almost immediate, a reply of many thumbs up emoji’s and smiley faces as well as hearts. She may have been a woman of few words at times but her emoji game was unrestrained. He grinned at his phone for a few seconds, tucking it back into his pocket when Steve set Bucky back down. Bucky slapped Steve chest a few times in annoyance at him, twisting his face into an angry frown. 

A quick succession of knocks turned them all towards the door.

“It’s open!”

Clint let himself in, holding three large pizzas, “I come bearing gifts!” He made himself through and set down the boxes with a grin.

“One meat lovers, one with chicken and veggies,” He pointed towards Sam who gave him an approving thumbs up. “And one double pepperoni with extra cheese.”

Bucky quit his assault on Steve, practically running to the pizza, “My first born for you to bring me pizza every day.”

Clint grabbed himself a slice, quickly shaking his head, “No deal. I prefer pizza.”

A laugh escaped Sam before he pulled out a slice for himself, waving his hand over it to let it cool faster, taking a cautious bite, “Steve come eat before you get nothing!”

The blond nodded, fanning the cookies with the oven mitt before just tossing the glove and running for a slice of pizza. 

“So what are we making tonight again?”

Sam raised his brows, finishing off his slice of pizza, “From what I hear, Clint’s favorite; Pizza. Also a little on pasta dough just to get an idea of how much tastier it is making it from scratch. Which, if we get too carried away with the game, let me know when it’s four, I have to leave and start prepping the stations.”

Steve laughed, “I love that none of us have problems with that considering we’re eating pizza then going to make pizza.”

Clint polished off his slice, reaching for one from Bucky’s box, “Oh there’s no problem at all, I will eat any kind of pizza you hand me, every single day of the week. This is one of the best days ever, thanks Sam.” 

The brunette grinned giving him a nod, gathering himself another slice.

“By the way Bucky,” Sam gestured to his hand and his face, “When did that happen, if you don’t mind me asking?”

A mouthful of pizza, Bucky raised a finger for a moment but Steve cut in, “He got into a fight with some guys, one of them patted Natasha’s butt and he just jumped the guy, it was pretty fun to see, well the few seconds of it.”

Sam’s eyes widened, “You okay though? Nothing serious?”

He swallowed down the last of his pizza, taking a swig of beer, “Yeah, it wasn’t that big of a deal. Nat got Steve really quickly, I was able to deflect a lot of the stuff which was funny considering there were three but one really didn’t want to fight, he was kind of just faking it to appease his friend. He quit immediately when Steve was outside, then Steve got another on the ground. Me and the asshole that started it all threw some punches and I had him pretty good but Steve stopped it, then mother henned my bruises and cuts.”

A grin broke out on Sam’s face, “Oh yeah, you’re going to have to get used to that. Steve turns into some kind of nurse maid if you get hurt but the guy is so impulsive at times you’d think he would have better judgment calls.”

Steve rolled his eyes, “My ma was a nurse, of course I’m going to check if you’re alright. Excuse me for worrying, jerks.”

The brunette gave him a pat on the back, grinning at him before reaching for another slice of pizza. “So, guys. Are we all up for hanging out on Saturday? Get Natasha, Tony, and even Bruce and James?”

Pulling out his cell phone, Steve shrank back into the couch, texting Tony. He waited a couple of minutes before Tony replied back, a large smile spread across the blond’s face. “Tony said he’s in. He said he would bring Bruce but James probably can’t make it.”

“Two out of four isn’t bad at all.”

“Three out of four, Natasha will definitely come. We’re going to Nick’s right?” Clint stole a fourth slice, eating it like it was his first.

Sam nodded quickly, “Yeah unless we have any objections.”

No one said anything, only shaking their heads in response settling in to watch the game.


	6. You gotta be shitting me.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get a bit out of hand in Cooking class, Bucky isn't a fan of Frozen, Steve gets a last minute invitation, poor Sam thinks he hurt someone in a past life because of the suffering he gains, Saturday night karaoke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Getting any of the mentioned songs for the karaoke part isn't necessary, I didn't really sync with the songs except for 'Take Me Out' by Franz Ferdinand. There were moments where I had preferred to describe instead of go in sync so that's what ended up happening most of the way.
> 
> Steve’s karaoke song is for Tony, and thats allllll for StarSpangledBucky, so if Stony ain't your thing, just skip Steve’s moment on the mic and start at Clint talking again. It’s nothing critical to the story except Steve being a drunk mush ball around his boyfriend.

**Early September, 2015**  
  
  


Cooking class started without a hitch. Sam had been able to get in early and have all the flour canisters available for each set of partners. He and another student were able to avail equal portions of cheese and some meats as well as a variety of vegetables. He explained about dough and yeast, starting the evening with pizza so it had time to rise.

Clint looked over at the yeast Bucky had put aside for the pizza dough, “So its supposed to be frothy like that?”

The brunette nodded to him, “Use that fucking whatever thing. The liquid thermometer on your water first, make sure its exact, don’t give or take on it.”

“I got it.” He let out casually, giving Bucky’s butt a smack before he moved around to the other side of the table with Natasha, flashing him a smirk. 

Bucky only glared back, sifting out the last of the flour. Steve returned beside him, holding the large heavy duty sized cling film. “You do know you have a flour hand print on your butt right?”

Bucky’s eyes widened, “Clint!”

The blond smiled, raising his hands defensively, showing off the thin layer of white causing Bucky to huff out a breath in annoyance. “My favorite pair too. Asshole.”

“It’ll wash off.”

“Rogers, stop looking at my ass and take that yeast over there. Add it to this flour and mix it up till its a ball of dough then we gotta knead it.”

Steve did just as he was told, glancing over at Bucky like a child, repeatedly needing his assurance he was doing everything exact. 

Bucky couldn’t help watching the way Steve had been kneading the dough. Muscles taut in his chest, his head bowed over his work while his face was set in a deep concentration. His cheeks were a soft pink hue from the heat in the room from the ovens, his lips parted slightly. It was his arms and hands though that really made Bucky look; his hands, those artists hands working the dough, the veins in his arms becoming more prominent the harder he pressed his fists against it. The brunette wasn’t sure if this was considered some sort of porn or not. He couldn’t help but chew at this bottom lip over it even if it was hurting him, his face completely flushing. Cooking class was going to be the death of him. 

He tore himself away to sink into one of the seats, letting his eyes close. He pulled his apron out to drape over him, letting his head fall back while he cursed to himself. He gave himself one last peek with one eye open, unabashedly roaming his eyes over Steve’s tall drink of water body before his eye closed again, smirking to himself. 

_God dammit Steve._

“Hey Buck, you think this is good enough? Didn’t you say its good when you stretch it really thin and it shouldn’t break?”

Bucky opened his eyes, looking over at Steve staring at him through a thin stretched out bit of dough like it was a small dirty window pane. “Yeah, you got it. It’s perfect.”

He watched him smile proudly to himself, getting a playful pat on his shoulder when Bucky got up to stand beside him. “Now we gotta let it rise for an hour.”

He grabbed a lightly oiled mixing bowl, passing it over to Steve watch him tuck the dough away and cover it with the already prepared cling film.

Steve gathered up what was needed for the pasta dough, Bucky examining the ingredients they would need for their sauce. He grabbed the dry measuring cups, Steve pressing beside him. They both agreed on avoiding disaster if Bucky measured out the flour considering the salt and sugar fiasco’s Steve was guilty of.

“Bucky, you got flour right..here..”

Bucky felt Steve brush his hand over his cheek while he was measuring out the flour for the pasta dough, “Fuck Steve, oh my god. Did you really just touch me with flour?”

The blond laughed, “Maybe. What’re you gonna do about it Barnes?”

Bucky glared at him, setting the measuring cup down. Immediately he grabbed Steve’s shirt, pulling him forward while his right hand reached for the flour. He threw a sloppy handful into the male’s face and down his chest, inside and out, letting the shirt go right after.

Steve stumbled back after the release, his face completely white, his blue eyes shining through, hands drawn out in confusion, “Oh my god, I only hit you lightly with flour not a whole handful!”

“Tough, I go all out.”

Steve narrowed his eyes at him, swiping for the flour jar but Bucky preemptively pulled it away, clutching it to his chest, “No!”

“Bucky! You’re not being fair!”

The brunette instinctively stepped backwards when Steve tried again for the container. His brain didn’t think, his body reacting to Steve lunging once again. He quickly turned the flour container, showering it all over Steve before shoving the Tupperware in his hands. 

“Buck! You better start running!”

The entire class at this point was frozen, Sam looking pointedly at the pair while Nat and Clint couldn’t help but grin.

“Shit.” Bucky moved to get around Steve, his foot sliding across the flour laden floor. Steve grabbed his arm and pulled him into his chest which he wasn’t sure was to save him or get back at him. Arms encircling him into a bear hug while Steve shook his head over Bucky’s angled position.

“No Steve, no! Stop, my hair!” He struggled to get out of the hold, his legs sliding out further from his body from all the flour caking under his shoes. 

The blond held tight, grinning wildly. He raked his hand over his head and shoulders, trying to get as much flour as he could onto Bucky. His hand reached out ruffled into his hair, causing the brunette to yell out again. He struggled to keep hold on, taking a few steps backwards. Steve felt himself slip and bounce into the work table, hitting the floor with Bucky in tow. They both fell in a heap, Bucky glancing up with a short laugh, looking at the pasty white look Steve had going for him, Steve laughing back at him.

Sam came around the table, first yanking up Bucky by the arm, then Steve, shoving them towards the hallway in silence. The pair stepped out, turning back to Sam glaring at them both, “Look, I don’t know what’s up with you two today but just stay out in the hallway. I’m just..man, you’re both adults!” He threw his hands up with a shake of his head, turning and going back into the room, slamming the door closed.

Bucky sank down against the floor, leaning his head back along the wall, “So, you’re best friends with him. How mad is he?”

Steve gave Bucky a half smile, planting himself next to him, their thighs bumping against each other, “He’s not mad. Really disappointed though.”

“That’s not any better. Feel like I’m back at detention.” 

He nodded his head in agreement, studying the stark patches of white in Bucky’s dark brown hair, reaching over to lightly brush some of it out. A smirk playing on his lips knowing that every strand of it was coated, “You’re gonna have fun in the shower making sure all of that flour is out.”

He tilted his head to Steve’s touch, groaning out softly in annoyance, “Just brush as much of it out as you can please.”

Steve watched Bucky reach over, brushing flour off his ears and gently off his cheekbones. He studied him for a second and he wasn’t sure if he hesitated or was thinking of something. He only shook his head slightly, fingers brushing lightly across the top of his hair. 

“We completely fucked up, didn’t we?”

Bucky only let out a soft hum, focused on ridding any bits of flour he could find on Steve’s shoulders, Steve himself letting his hands drop against his legs relishing in the attention even if it was only soft flicks of hands or fingers brushing dust off. 

Bucky finally let his hands drop, giving Steve a small smile, “It’s not that bad. I think he would be laughing if he didn’t have to clean all that flour up. I doubt he’s continuing till he gets that cleared up.”

“I’d go clean it all up myself if I was sure he wouldn’t kill me for going back inside.”

Bucky slipped off his shoes, nodding his head at the comment. He held the pair to the side, knocking them together to knock the flour off, he slipped them back on stretching his legs out after. “Well what now?”

Steve shrugged helplessly, brushing his hands through his hair idly, making sure most of the flour was out. “We wait and see I guess?”

Thirty minutes later Sam let them back in under the condition they they actually stick to working and no more horsing around. They both kept their heads down through the rest of the class, Bucky refusing to even make any eye contact with Natasha and Clint smirking in his direction through the rest of the class. It went quickly enough and they made some delicious food, but the aspect of getting scolded for acting like a pair of idiots hung over both of them and kept them quiet. 

With class over, the pair diligently packed up their food, getting ready to head out. Sam came over with a smile, “Hey, so you know. I wasn’t mad, but I couldn’t let you two mess around like that.”

Steve understood completely, nodding to his best friend, “Of course not. I’m sorry for making the mess and everything.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry too. We just got carried away.”

Clint snorted, “Yeah, no kidding.”

Bucky shot him a dirty look, folding his arms over his chest. The blond only gave him a casual shrug back, smiling like an idiot. 

Clearing his throat, Steve picked up the take away boxes, stuffing them into a plastic bag. “We should get a move on. The flour needs to get out of every random crevice it’s in or so help me god.”

They all had a good laugh before they both took off to his motorcycle.  
  


Bucky followed after Steve, holding the armful of pizza, flatbread and linguine they managed to make in the span of time they had left after their time out. They worked through the break they usually spent making weekend plans which was alright with Bucky, he preferred the one on one time with Steve instead though feeling Natasha and Clint boring their eyes into him, he couldn’t quiet enjoy it as much as he wanted to.

He slipped off his shoes, putting the take away boxes in the fridge, “You should jump in the shower now, then I could use it after if that works?”

He refrained from offering a third, more interesting option, casually leaning his elbow on the counter instead with an amused grin. 

“Oh yeah, good idea. Just make yourself comfortable, I’ll be quick.”

Bucky settled himself in on the couch, waiting for Steve to retrieve him some clothing after he got out of the shower. 

Changed and set to pass the bathroom to him, Steve looked sheepish when he held out a white t-shirt and something other than sweatpants. 

“What are those?” Bucky picked them up off the back of the couch, unfolding a pair of bluish-purple pajama pants with cartoon Christmas trees and smiling Santa faces. He held them up, looking dubiously at Steve. 

The blond shrugged helplessly, “I forgot about laundry day but managed to find some stuff last night and right now. Are they okay? I could get you some shorts instead. I know they’re kind of weird. They were a gift, I just never wore them.”

Bucky grinned suddenly, feeling the material against his fingers, “Are you fucking kidding me? No, if you don’t want them Rogers, I’ll keep these as my official pants over here. I love them! Christmas pants in September, totally fine with me.”

A smile appeared across Steve’s face, the creases along his forehead disappearing, “Really? You really like them?”

Bucky nodded, getting up with them and the t-shirt. He grabbed a change of underwear from his backpack and headed to the bathroom, “They’re much better than a pair of boring old sweats.”

Steve couldn’t help but laugh a little when Bucky actually came out wearing the pajama pants proudly. He looked childish but in a fairly cute way. It was rather charming to see those kind of pants on a guy that had a faded black eye, and a busted lip. It was great in a Bucky Barnes sort of way.

They straightened up the living room and kitchen, winding down to what they planned on doing for the rest of the evening. Steve dropped the pizza boxes by the door for the morning, dusting off his hands, “Well what do you wanna do?”

The brunette shrugged as he stretched himself out on the couch, stealing the last cookie off the plate, “Whatever you want.”

It only took Steve a few seconds before he grinned, locking eyes with Bucky, “Anything?”

Bucky contemplated the possible outcomes, slowly nodding too late to back out.

The grin went wider, waving his arms for Bucky to get off the couch.

“You’re not gonna make me do like naked shadow puppets or something right?”

“Oh god no. Go make us some brownies, the stuffs already out on the counter while I get to work.”

Bucky gave Steve another careful look before going to the kitchen. The blond made a short list in his head, pulling open the storage cabinet in the hall to remove a rolled up futon in a thin slip cover. He pulled out a stack of bed sheets, a basket of pins and clothes pins as well as a spare blanket. He shuffled it all into the living room, peeking over to the open kitchen.

“Bucky, don’t turn around. Do your stuff without looking over, I wanna surprise you, okay?”

The male made a soft grunt in acknowledgment, breaking up chocolate into a pot. 

Steve smiled to himself, pushing the coffee table away and to the side. He moved behind the three person couch pushing it forward a bit, allowing for about nine feet of distance from the tv give or take. He pulled the three couch cushions off, tossing them to the side. He rolled the futon out in the center front of the couch and padded that up with the extra blanket. Turning to the kitchen, Steve grabbed the two chairs at his tiny dining table, and the matching pair he had stacked on top together at the side and dragged them over. He placed two one side of the futon, the other pair at the opposite side. Glancing up once more to check on Bucky, watching him concentrating on mixing the chocolate and butter together with the flour, his back turned. Steve unfolded a few sheets and set to work draping and pinning them together over the couch and chairs, then over the television making a very tight cozy two man and perhaps a third person blanket fort. For now, Steve kept one corner of a bed sheet pinned up for a way to crawl in, throwing the three couch cushions inside. He disappeared down the hall and into his room, grabbing the two pillows there and a couple he had stowed away in the closet. He glanced up at Bucky, who was pouring out the batter into a square pan. Steve hurried up, quickly crawling inside to line the cushions up along the front of the couch and throwing the pillows out in front of them. He scurried out to grab his big fluffy down-alternative blanket and shoved that inside. 

“Brownies are in the oven, can I look now?”

Steve whirled around, Bucky waiting with his back turned, staring up at the cabinets, “Uh, just hold on one second Buck. Grab the snacks and stuff you want while I get the last thing.”

In the bedroom Steve grabbed a box of lights and an extension cord he had sitting on the top shelf in the closet. He picked up his pencil and sketchbook just in case, and the book Bucky had been reading the last time he was here. He returned to the living room, Bucky waiting with his back turned again. 

He suddenly felt nervous, a blanket fort? Really? His face turned a soft shade of red in embarrassment not being able to do much about it now. He crawled inside, setting out to put the lights up. “Okay, don’t laugh but you can look now.”

A second of movement, then it was much too quiet. Steve tried to really busy himself, getting the lights unboxed.

“A blanket fort? What are you, five?”

“If you’re gonna be an asshole, you can stay out there.”

Bucky made a soft huff sound, bending over to peek in, “I got these brownies baking in the oven. Made from scratch even. Can I enter with warm fresh brownies?”

Steve pretended to contemplate it, leaning his back against couch cushion to look over at him, “You may as long as you say something nice to me. Fort Rogers doth not alloweth assholes.”

“You gotta be shitting me.”

“I doth not shitteth you.”

Bucky tried not to laugh, disappearing with a shake of his head. He went to his backpack to retrieve his laptop, kneeling back down at the entrance with a few ideas in his head. 

Steve tried to cover his own laugh while he shuffled along on his knees to string up some white Christmas lights all the way around the frame of the fort, using clothes pins to keep them in place. Bucky was silent and he almost thought he had left but he only sat there with his laptop lost in thought. He smiled to himself, moving along to look back up at the lights to secure them making sure they wouldn’t come crashing down on them at any time.

“Doubt that the stars are fire, doubt that the sun doth move his aides, doubt truth to be a liar, but never doubt I love.”

Steve froze, blue eyes glancing at Bucky. Slowly he put his hands down, grey blues peering at him and he couldn’t shake off a weird feeling inside of him.

Suddenly Bucky grinned at him, “Did that work?”

Steve blinked, owl eyed. “You just quoted something romantic from Shakespeare to me and you’re asking me if that worked?” He felt himself blushing, his ears burning red. No one had ever quoted Shakespeare to him unless you counted Tony pretending to quote it while he was drunk. No, no one ever directly quoted it to him and he couldn’t help feel dopey.

Bucky crawled in, when Steve gestured him to, watching his red face with amusement. He was so flustered and it was adorable. He didn’t make any comments, sitting himself down on the nest of futon and blankets.

Steve tried to brush it off, plugging in the lights and peered up at them, a pleased look on his face. “So, what do you think?"

 _God, he’s such a kid._

And Bucky fucking loved it.

“I gotta admit, it’s pretty cozy in here.”

Steve picked up the book he had brought from the room, holding it out for the male, “Your book m’lady.”

“I’m pretty flat chested for a lady but thanks.” He settled himself into the spot beside Steve, setting his phone down next to him for the alarm. Opening his laptop, he booted it up, rubbing his back against the cushion behind him. 

Bucky glanced sideways at Steve fiddling through the channels, his shoulder lightly nudging him to get his attention. “You okay? Had a busy day instead of being able to just sleep through it.”

Steve gave him a soft smile, nodding over at him, “I am, thank you.”

Bucky carefully chewed on his bottom lip, “I mean generally too. You never really mentioned having those kind of moments. It freaked me out a little, not knowing how to really help while you were almost completely silent.”

Steve gave him an apologetic look, reaching a hand out to lightly pat the back of Bucky’s arm, “Yeah, I’m okay generally, Buck. I just get episodes, or moments, whatever you wanna call them. I thought it was just me missing my ma and a lot of it is, but there’s days where I can’t deal with being alone and if I am I just panic and I can’t move. Its depressing sometimes. I’m sorry I was holding on to you like that, it wasn’t right, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

Bucky quickly waved that last comment off, shaking his head, “That didn’t scare me, I just didn’t know what was happening. I was worried I guess. Now I know for next time.”

Steve hesitated for a moment, lowering the hand holding the remote, “I’m sorry I roped you into my problems.”

He only balked in return, not glancing up, “Are you fucking kidding me? Shut up right now.”

A smile spread over Steve’s face, looking back at the television again, “What do you want to watch?” 

Bucky shook his head, staring down at the screen on his laptop, typing something quickly. “Whatever works. I have no idea.”

Steve nodded, looking through some movies in his book, finally retrieving one out. He crawled on all fours towards his player. Bucky peeked over, a smirk on his face before he planting a foot on the blond’s butt cheek, shoving him forward.

With no grace whatsoever, Bucky watched and listened to Steve unleash a confused sound similar to a parrot squawking while his arms frantically shot out, falling chest first onto the floor.

“What the hell Bucky?”

He grinned, going back typing on his laptop. Steve pulled himself up, turning to swat at his feet. Bucky narrowed his eyes with a grin, biting down the middle of his lower lip, flinching at the momentary sting. Steve went back to changing the discs, a book bouncing off the back of his head.

“The hell!?”

The blond grabbed at his foot, yanking hard to pull him forward and onto his back. Bucky felt the edge of the laptop smash into his chest from the force but he couldn’t help but laugh harder, arching abruptly when Steve tickled his foot.

“No stop!” He moved the laptop off him to the side, trying to sit up, wedging his free foot into Steve’s side. He laughed helplessly, mixing cries of torture in protest, attempting to push his heel harder into his ribs. Every attempt to sit up was thrown off by the tickling, his hand finally managing to wrap around one of the offending arms attempting to pull it away from his foot. He could hear Steve laughing at him, refusing to relent. Bucky’s free socked foot slid off Steve’s shirt, kicking him hard in the upper thigh. 

“You almost sacked me!”

“Stop tickling me then!”

Steve did, a stupid wild grin on his red face. Bucky laid there for a second, trying to collect his breathing, his feet quietly sliding back out onto the floor. He let himself settle a little before he looked over, lightly swatting at him, rolling his eyes.

“You started it.”

“You know I’ll do it again anyway.”

Steve tried to hide a smile, attempting to look annoyed again as he turned to turn on the player and grab its remote. 

Bucky sat himself up to pull his laptop back into his lap, typing something out. He glanced over when Steve returned to his spot, pulling the book down beside him, “The corner really nailed me in the head.”

“I meant to hit you with the flat side but I guess I threw it wrong. Next time I’ll try not to.”

“Oh yeah, I can’t wait, thank you.” He muttered out dryly, a hand rubbing the back of his head lightly. It hadn’t hurt too bad but it was more of the surprise than anything. 

The alarm went off, causing Bucky to push his laptop aside and crawl out of their little cave. Steve took the moment to stretch himself across on the bedding onto his stomach, peering at the laptop, “Buck I’m on your laptop looking at your porn.”

The brunette hummed in confirmation, the sound of the oven opening. “The necrophilia is in the folder labeled puppies.”

Steve glanced back over his shoulder at the sheet wall, a look crossing his face that wondered if he was serious for a split second. He turned back, staring at some random chat for some game, the name _The Winter Soldier_ at the top corner with some masked avatar. “Why did you name yourself the Winter Soldier?”

Bucky lifted the brownies out with the parchment paper, letting them rest on a wire rack, turning to the opposite counter to look for the icing sugar, “I don’t know, I like the snow, I mainly stay on the snow maps and I play shooters. Seemed pretty straight forward. Do we want icing?”

Steve made a small annoyed sound from his throat, minimizing the chat to open a new browser page and search for something at random, “If I’m going to binge eat garbage all day, of course I want icing.”

He heard Bucky chuckle lightly, the sound of spoons coming out, “You’re a man after my own heart, Rogers.”

“Til I offer to take you with me to the gym, then you don’t know me anymore, right?”

“How did you know?”

Steve laughed, watching a random cat video on Youtube. Bucky managed to find a whisk after the fifth drawer, mixing up all the ingredients for their icing. He managed to find a plate that would fit the square of the cooling brownies, moving them onto that after a few minutes more. He poured the icing over top, smoothing it out and over evenly. He put a fork to the side of the plate and carried it over to their fort.

“Hey if you’re done going out, unpin the flap up above and close it will you?”

Bucky glanced up at Steve, giving him a look of contempt for a moment, watching him sprawled out nonchalantly over both of their spots. He balanced the plate with the brownies in one hand, turning his body slightly to bring the flap of bedsheet down, still not believing they were in a blanket fort. He pushed the plate beside the laptop, laying himself out on his back parallel to Steve where their feet would have rested, one arm tucked under his head. “Find anything interesting besides cats?”

Steve had propped his arm up so he could rest his chin on his hand giving a small shake of his head, “Nope, I’m still watching those.”

The brunette groaned, kicking off his socks. He let his eyes close, one leg bent, his foot flat on the floor, “You’re definitely going to die alone with your cat videos.”

Blindly grabbing the fork, Steve stuck it through the warm brownies, not waiting for ceremony. He took a large forkful straight to his mouth without even looking. His eyes did a double take, looking over at Bucky, then back at the dessert, “This is amazing. It’s better than that powder mix I usually use.”

Bucky didn’t open his eyes, a smile on his lips, “Probably your first problem.”

The blond sat up, pulling the plate onto his lap, eating a couple more forkfuls while he practically purred. Bucky cracked at eye open to look at him, “Careful, you may end up eating all of it.”

Steve let his eyes close, dropping the fork against the plate. He held his hands out to stop himself and groaned lightly, a pleased smile on his face. “I think I just might Buck, this is so good. Chocolate is my weakness.”

Bucky rolled to his side, propping his head up with his hand. He allowed himself to stare longingly at Steve for a while, taking in how good he looked lost in some ecstasy over brownies. A sense of pride hit him, a smirk playing along his lips, “Good to know if I need to bribe you in the future.”

He opened his eyes, pressing his lips together in a knowing way. He took another forkful, falling onto his back, “I’m finished Buck. I’m completely in love with this. We’re getting married tomorrow.”

“It won’t be here to marry tomorrow you Loser.” Bucky chuckled out, shaking his head. He pulled himself up, crawling over. He tucked the laptop away, scooting back into his spot. He took the fork, trying out some. “It’s not bad, maybe a touch less- ”

Steve sat up abruptly, holding the plate away from him in horror, “No, its perfect. Don’t mock my future husband!”

Bucky lightly hit Steve on the nose with the fork, leaving some icing in its wake. “You’ve lost it.”

He rubbed the icing off his nose, smiling softly at Bucky. He handed the plate over, grabbing a second blanket to throw over them, “Maybe I’ve lost it, maybe I’m just in a really good mood today. It’s time to watch Frozen though.”

Bucky took another forkful, handing the plate back to Steve. He picked up his book, trying to settle in.

“You’re not going to watch?”

“No, that movie is awful and you’re awful for watching it.”

Steve grinned, adjusting the volume, “What? Not a Frozen fan?”

He only glared back, “Not even in the slightest. If you’re going to make me sit through Disney movies, I would appreciate sticking to the oldies."

The brunette shifted slightly against the couch cushion posing as back rest. It just felt awkward and stiff. He groaned, bumping his arm into Steve’s, turning to bat at the cushion though it made no attempt to mold to his strikes.

Steve let out a small whistle, gaining Bucky’s attention back at him. The blond leaned back and got comfortable, stretching his left arm out across the cushions. He gave him a small smile and went back to the movie starting up. 

Bucky shook his head, shifting so his back pressed against Steve’s side. Bucky stretched himself out in a slight angle, picking up where he left off in his book, his toes wiggling against the covers. 

The movie started out all well and good but Steve almost immediately felt the warm floaty feeling of nodding off. He listened to the movie conversation as well as Bucky turning a page in his book softly and then there were no more noises until Steve snapped his head up in surprise, realizing he had fallen asleep, something from the movie startling him. He guessed it hadn’t been that long, perhaps thirty minutes in. Bucky had apparently the same situation hit him, book held open in his lap, his head hung forward with his chin pressed into his chest completely passed out. 

Steve pried the book from his hands, gently rolling him towards his side so he ended up off of him and laid himself down. It was smooth and Bucky managed to not break out of his sleep, curling up with his back turned to him. He covered him up tighter with the blanket, turning off the television and the dvd player. He settled in on his back for the night, peering up at the white Christmas lights for a second, all of them shining bright and beautiful. He considered turning them off but the kid in him decided against it rather quickly, preferring to have them on like stars glowing in the sky. He rolled to the side, silently watching the back of Bucky’s head thinking about this morning. At the beginning he felt bad about pulling him in but now he was glad Bucky didn’t think much of it. He could use another support and if he could pay him back with his own sleep problems then at least they were helping each other. He tried thinking further along but his brain began to feel slow and cloudy. He let it all go, a comfortable sigh slipping out letting himself fall back asleep.

  
  
  
Steve raised his head to a knock at the door. He lightly tapped his pencil on the open page contemplating getting out of his chair beside the table but thought better of it. Eventually he heard a key in a lock, a small smirk creeping at the corner of his mouth, returning back to his sketch.

“Hey Steve. I used your key since you’re too lazy to come open the door.”

“Hey Bucky. You’re early and that’s what it’s for. So I can be lazy and you can still get in.”

“I still hate using it, feels weird.”

“When you picked my lock that wasn’t weird?”

The brunette shrugged, “No, that was fun." He pulled a cream colored envelope from his inside coat pocket, tossing it on the table watching it slide towards Steve. The blond looked up in confusion, setting down his sketchbook and pencil. He picked up the envelope to pull out the invitation, examining the matching color of it’s cover, his fingers lightly running over the letters written in raised gold lettering. 

_You are cordially invited to join us for our 10th annual Night to Remember hosted by Winifred C. Hubbard..._

Steve raised a brow, skimming the schedule of cocktails, dinner and dancing as well as a silent auction. His eyes slightly widening at the secondary note card in the envelope that listed ticket and sponsor prices. “Uh, Buck. Do I look like I have three hundred dollars for a plate of food?”

The brunette waved that part off, falling into the chair across from him, “That part isn’t for you. It’s for other people. I have to go and I need a date, or at least a friend. What do you say? Wanna smooze in a tuxedo with me? Don’t leave me hanging Steve, we could get drunk and you could enjoy fancy food. I could just wish it was a hamburger. Please be my plus one?”

“Aw gee Bucky, I feel so special because asked a week ahead.”

Bucky looked at him blankly, “Fine, whatever then. Give me the invite, I’ll ask someone else. Someone’s too busy being a bitch to take it seriously.”

Steve grinned, pressing the card to his chest, “No way! You can’t uninvite me to this, I want to pretend I’m rich for a night. Why are you going? You don’t usually seem the type to go to fancy things like a fundraiser gala.”

“Parents. Do you even own a tux?”

“Now you’re being a jerk, of course I do.”

Bucky held his hands up innocently, “I was going to say if you didn’t, I know a guy that rents them out, Jesus Steve."

“I can be a little snippy, you’re the one asking me last minute.”

The brunette pulled himself up, wiggling out of his leather jacket. He walked over to the bag of chips sitting on the counter, giving Steve a small shrug, “I would have asked you a week after we met, seriously. I just already invited someone else. I’m not that much of a jerk to cancel on them and give their invite to you, what do you take me for?”

Pulling himself out of his chair, Steve reached for a chip, “Someone that thinks I’m more important than whoever you invited." He popped the chip into his mouth, smiling sweetly. 

Bucky looked at him, unimpressed. “I’ll tell Natasha you said that.”

Steve froze, “What? No! Don’t tell her that. I didn’t know it was her you invited. I thought maybe it was Loki or someone.”

“Show me your fancy tux, Big Mouth. We have to see if you need to get it altered, unless you already know?”

Steve shook his head, the pair of them heading to the bedroom. Bucky sat himself on the bed, eating a few chips. The closet had two sliding doors, one that seemed to easily open and the other side seemed to refuse, which was the side Steve needed to access. Bucky laid himself out on the bed, chewing quietly watching Steve try to wiggle the door jam uselessly.

“You know this would go faster if you just come with me to rent you a new tux.”

“I got this, I have more than one suit Bucky, my closet door just isn’t working, piece of crap.”

Steve tried pushing against the door, hoping it loosened up that way. When it refused, he rested a hand on his hip in wonder, scratching at his hair in thought.

“Seriously I want to head out, stop being so stubborn.”

“Bucky, we are later. Shut up.” He attempted to push the frame down a little and pull it out, the track of the door frame not entire lined up which was most likely why it was even stuck in the first place.

Bucky chewed on more chips, eating with his mouth open to be extra annoying, grinning at him,“Make me Rogers.”

Steve ignored him, tugging harder at the door. He eyeballed the wood, giving it one hard pull, elation hitting him when it moved, only to look like it was wedged harder on the outside of the track at least part of it was. Steve was better off punching holes in the thing to move it. 

“Just break it with your thick skull Steve."

Steve growled under his breath, “Bucky, I swear to god. How about I just throw you into it?”

Bucky watched him look back at the now very apparent off the track closet door. He picked up a chip, only to throw it at Steve, watching it bounce off his bicep barely making a ripple in the fabric.

“Bucky!”

“What?”

The blond lunged for him, tackling him hard onto the bed. Mildly surprised, Bucky peered up him, Steve easing into straddling his thighs, pressing his hands down against Bucky’s wrists above his head. 

_Well damn._

“Are you done?”

Bucky tried to keep himself from blushing, replacing his thoughts with naked old people instead of Steve. “Are you? I want to go out now.”

The blond stared hard at him, “You’re so annoying.”

“You’re the one on top of me like you’re about to start some gay porn fantasy.”

“I outta duct tape your mouth.”

“Will it fix your stupid closet door?”

“Bucky shut up.” Steve tried not to laugh, holding both his wrists with one of his hands, covering the brunette’s mouth with the other, “You’re frustrating, I really like my suit, I don’t want to rent one. I’ve only worn it twice, seems a waste if I don’t get it out.”

Bucky’s brows furrowed, talking under his heavy hand, of course Steve couldn’t tell what the hell he was saying. Straining to keep in a laugh he only shook his head, “You never learn. Let’s see if you’re still ticklish.”

Bucky raised his brows, “No. No, no, Steve no!”

The blond smirked, pressing his wiggling fingers across Bucky’s side, almost immediately causing the male to squirm and laugh out, “No, please stop no Steve! I’ll get you back,” He laughed again, trying to roll to his side away from his hand only to be attacked at the other side. “Steve please! I’ll shut up, I promise!”

“Too late!” He tickled him harder, Bucky frantically trying to free his wrists or roll out of being trapped, wailing out between fits of laughter. He felt his eyes well up, kicking his feet into nothing. “Steve, please! Pleaassseee!”

A burst of laughter escaped from Steve, watching the tears stream from Bucky’s eyes as his face contorted from panic to amusement to helplessness. A sharp pain sparked at his forearm, causing him to jump off Bucky, falling on his backside on the bed, holding his arm. “Did you seriously just bite me?!”

Bucky sat up, leaning back on his hands, “I didn’t break skin at least, stop pouting.”

“You really don’t play fair.” The blond muttered, rubbing the warm tender area, glancing at it again to see a perfect set of angry dark teeth marks.

“Me? You have at least fifty pounds on me, I told you I would get you back.”

Bucky extended his hand out, nodding for Steve’s arm, he brushed his fingers over the spot, rolling his eyes when he winced. “Oh yeah, that’s gonna bruise.”

He only scowled, as Bucky tried not to laugh, picking up a chip off the bed to eat it. “You’re so lucky I like you enough that I actually want you to still be my friend or I woulda punched you in the face by now.”

Bucky feigned a look of sadness, “But my face is my ticket in to everything, what would I do without it?!”

He lightly nudged the brunette, “I dunno, you’d have to live without your raccoon eyes and pouty childish faces, wouldn’t that be a bitch?”

The blond only received an eyeroll in response, watching Bucky pull himself up. “Come on, let’s get going. We can grab a coffee before Sam meets us, please Steve?”

He huffed out softly, taking one last glance at the closet door. He supposed he could try again later when he got back from work. Bucky had walked backwards into the bedroom door, looking at him pleadingly and Steve couldn’t say no, pulling himself up begrudgingly to follow his friend out to the living room.

  
  
The group agreed on a suggestion of Indian food for lunch, entering the cozy and moderately busy business, shuffling into a wide back crescent shaped booth, a large dark colored wood table sitting in front of them. 

Bucky rubbed his hands together, blowing on them lightly to warm them up faster. Natasha grasped his hands gently with an unguarded smile, rubbing her fingers against his palms. He smiled back at her. Everyone else pulling off coats, Steve reaching for his water after he hung his off the hook to the side.

Sam's eyes widened, snatching at his arm, "What happened to your arm?! Something bite you?"

Steve turned to glare at Bucky, "Bucky bit me."

The brunette turned to raise his brows, shrugging innocently, "He was tickling me."

The other three exchanged looks of amusement.

"He was being annoying."

" _I_ was being annoying? You’re the one that’s too stubborn to get a rental."

"You're the one saying stupid stuff while I was trying to open my closet door."

"I bit him because he pinned me down, Fatso!"

Clint burst out laughing, quickly grabbing his own glass of water, attempting to drink it down inconspicuously.

Sam raised a brow at Nat then turned to his left again, hitting Steve's shoulder, "Steve! You know you got some heft against Bucky, you shouldn't do that."

Bucky put a hand out, uncharacteristically fist bumping Sam at Steve's other side, "Thank you."

"Are you both done ganging up on me?"

The pair of them shook their heads with grins on their faces, Steve glancing over when Nat reached out and patted his hand comfortingly, “I’m afraid that’s all my doing because I have to work that night, I’m sorry Steve.”

The blond shook his head and smiled, “I’d love to go, sounds fun. Just _this_ guy is a pain in the ass.”

Bucky opened his mouth to say something, Nat and Steve both raising their hands immediately to tell him not to say a word. The male promptly closed his mouth, rolling his eyes at Clint quietly chuckling away. 

“What’s happening that you need I assume a suit or something since you said rental.”

Clint grinned wryly, “Steve is Bucky’s date for a big fancy dinner charity he has to go to.”

A groan escaped the brunette, “He’s not my date. He’s my plus one.”

The blond made a gesture of not really seeing the difference and Steve only chuckled, “Call it whatever, it sounds fun.”

“It really does sound exciting, Steve.”

It didn’t escape anyone how amused Sam sounded, a small round of laughter mixing around them all. A server finally came by to take any drink orders but Natasha held out the menu apparently primed and ready to order already.

“You sure this isn’t going to be too spicy?” Sam looked apprehensively at the redhead, brows knit together in slight worry. 

Bucky nodded and Clint joined in, “You’re safe, I’ve been here before. It’s fine, you won’t self combust.”

“It’s seriously really good Sam, I can’t believe out of all of us you’re the one that’s never eaten curry. I thought it would be Clint but it’s you. You’ll love it. Trust me, I picked it for a reason.” Bucky made a small cross over his heart and nodded towards the brunette and Sam only nodded back, holding him to it.

  


They tucked into their food, Sam overwhelming himself with the aromatic aromas of spices and herbs filling his nostrils. He felt his eyes water a little, and his nose tickled. He cautiously took spoonfuls of the family style served dishes to his plate, not able to tell what was chicken, or lamb or okra, well he was pretty sure which was the peas and which were the okra, he thinks. The others already began eating while he filled his plate with a healthy amount of rice and a couple of the flatbread’s that the waitress called roti. He mixed a bit of the brown shaded sauce with some rice and what he believed was chicken together, taking a thoughtful bite. His mouth tingled a little but it was good, his stomach demanding more of it. He shoveled in a few more bites like the others had before it suddenly backfired on him, the spiciness stacking on each other causing his mouth to feel like a pit of hell. He grabbed for his water, drinking some of it down, realizing it definitely wasn’t worth it to keep drinking. 

"Jesus Barnes, when I said just pick a place, I didn't mean to the unforgiving lands of India."

Bucky laughed, tearing off a piece of roti and pointing at him, "You said anywhere, I picked a curry house. I didn't force you at gun point did I?

"No but I shoulda made you so that I could actually have a valid excuse to go to the police and report you. My face is melting, its literally melting Bucky!" He fanned his now slightly sweating face.

Natasha laughed at Sam, watching him drink down another glass of water, "Oh come on Sam, it's not that bad."

He raised a brow at her skeptically, "My nose has been running in sync with my sweating forehead the second I smelt our food. I should have known better. This is some sort of torture isn't it? I hurt one of you in a past life and now it's time for payback, right?"

Steve burst out laughing, "Sam! It's really not that bad. I'm more vanilla than you are and I love it!"

The brunette ate a mouthful of plain rice to counteract the burning in his mouth from the spoonful of chicken curry he had before he decided to rant. He shook his head at Steve, not even getting how _he_ wasn't melting. 

"How exactly are you not breaking out into a sweat, Steve? You should be."

The blond ducked his head with a smile, lightly nudging Bucky's shoulder. He nudged back with a smirk, Sam narrowing his eyes suspiciously.

"I've been here a couple of times with Buck, he showed me how to eat it without having a heart attack. That and," He held up a glass of milk, "If all else fails."

“This was all a trick!”

Nat shook her head quickly, “No trick Sam, we promise. We really wanted you to try it out.”

“Never letting any of you pick a place to eat ever again, hell no.”

  
  
  
Bucky, Natasha and Clint stood outside in the cold for a few minutes before Steve and Sam arrived together from the side alleyway after parking in the back lot. It hadn’t been too long before a town car pulled up at curb, depositing Tony and Bruce in front of them. 

“Hello ladies and gentlemen! Let’s get this little party started.”

Bucky introduced Clint and Nat to Tony and Bruce, Steve doing the same for Bruce and Tony. They all pushed into the bar, not too busy yet which helped them find a place for the group to sit.

Pietro grinned wide, waving his hand as be stood near the bar counter, “Steve! Good to see you on your day off. Can’t get enough of your Sokovian, huh?!”

Steve laughed, throwing his head back, his arm tossed around the male, “I’ll never get enough of you Pietro!”

The silver haired male grinned, rolling up his dark blue shirt sleeves past his elbow showing a peak of his bicep. He wasn’t overly muscular but his tall and slender frame made him look amazing and put together, giving him an ego didn’t help much either.

Tony flashed one of his gold cards to Pietro, a playful smirk on his lips, “Whatever we order, I got it.”

A wave of surprise crossed Sam’s face, “No Tony, we can’t have you covering the tab tonight. There’s seven of us.”

Stark narrowed his eyes, smiling wider with a wiggle of his brows, “Who’s going to stop me Wilson?” He put an arm around the brunette’s shoulders, “Take a break for one night, let Tony take care of you, hmm?”

Sam shook his head, not being able to help himself, he laughed softly, “Look, okay, alright but you had better be available for me to take you out for dinner sometime to pay you back, alright?”

The male waved the air dismissively, “Yeah sure, whatever.”

A frown crossed Sam’s face, knowing that meant he was only humoring Sam and had no intention to get paid back. 

Tony turned to the rest of the group, “And since I’m paying, who wants to do the ten shot vodka challenge with me?”

Bucky smirked, “Any time you want to start with vodka, I’ll sign up. Nat?”

She only shook her head, “I’m taking it slow, I’m not waking up on the floor in the morning. I have errands to run.”

Rolling his eyes, Bucky only scoffed. He knew very well how hard Natasha could go but he shrugged it off, looking over at everyone else. No one else volunteered and he gave a shrug to the brunette.

“Just me and you Pretty Boy.” Tony stated matter-of-factly with a wide grin. 

Pietro got to work while the group milled over to one of the tables close to the small stage, close to the wall having a comfortable and perfect vantage point when the singing started. They all seated themselves at one of the larger tables; Tony at one end with Bruce, then Steve to his other side, Bucky after that, then Natasha, Clint and Sam closed the circle. 

A waitress brought over a tray of vodka shots. Bucky sat back, wiggling his fingers towards his chest, “Line ‘em up Clint!” 

Clint grabbed them off the tray, laying out ten shot glasses full of vodka before him; Bruce was doing the same for Tony, looking back to one row, then to the other.

“You guys don’t have to pull out your dicks so early you know, we could all share those.”

Tony grinned, taking a look over to his boyfriend, “Steve come on, stop being a party pooper. Barnes and I are having fun, aren’t we?”

Bucky flashed Tony a cocky smile, it was almost too perfect, his shoulders casually shrugging to the row before him. “I hope there’s other challenges aside from this, I’d barely be getting warmed up with this.”

Tony grinned at the statement, pointing towards him with a waving finger, “My boy, my boy right there!” He clapped his hands together, smiling widely at Steve, “How come you didn’t tell me he was this fun Steve? Man after my own heart.”

Steve only groaned audibly, rolling his eyes. Another waitress came over with a tray beers and mixed drinks for the rest of them. 

Sam placed his phone with the stopwatch app down on the table, “Ready? You two got thirty seconds to get rid of all that. Make it count...and Go!”

The pair of them tore through the shot glasses like they were water, both finishing at almost the same time and both under the thirty seconds they were allocated.

Tony grinned widely, peering at Bucky excitedly, “That was fun, we should do that again!”

It was no skin off Bucky’s nose, nodding to it but Sam and Steve vetoed drinking more in a large capacity all over again in such a short amount of time.

“Save it for later, you need to enjoy yourselves a bit, not get tanked before we even start singing.” Bruce chided.

 

The night fell to a few hours in when the stage finally opened to karaoke, a group of friends voting themselves up to start the night off with Bohemian Rhapsody.

Halfway through, Sam turned back to the table, an excited grin on his face, “Okay, who’s going to sing first?"

Bucky, Steve and Tony sat side by side belting out the song lyrics, arm in arm, swaying from side to side not even noticing the question coming up. The brunette rolled his eyes turning to Clint and Natasha, Bruce quickly shaking his head a second earlier.

Natasha shook his head, sipping at her martini, “I work here, I’m in no mood to sing here too.”

Clint slapped his beer down with a nod, “Me and you Sam, we’ll sing something together!” 

A grin spread across his face, nodding. He turned back to the people on stage, humming the tune along with them.

As soon as it was over, Clint pulled himself out of his chair, loosely motioning for Sam to follow him up on stage. He waved his beer at the crowd, his gaze glossy and face red. His eyes dipped close for a second, flipping through the music directory with Sam. The brunette suddenly began pointing, a gaggle of laughter let loose between the both of them. They lightly tapped their beers together finishing them off and nodded to each other, picking up the microphones after choosing the song they were going to sing. Stupid grins over their faces like they found the greatest joke in the world. 

The track started and a few laughs broke out, Steve trying to figure out the song.

Sam ducked his head forward.

_Ebony.._

Clint looked at him with a grin.

_and Ivory.._

They threw their arms across each others shoulders, swaying to the beat.

_live together in perfect harmony.._

They tilted hair heads back to sing louder, Clint more intoxicated than Sam but the way the brunette’s face was flushed, he was not too far from that level.

_Side by side on my piano keyboard, oh lord, why don't we?_

Steve grinned, turning to look at Tony, but finding no one beside him also to his other side Bucky was missing, oddly enough so was Dr. Banner.

Clint somewhere lost his mic, grabbing Sam’s, stepping forward with a sway of his hips. 

_We all know, that people are the same wherever you go, there is good and bad in everyone_

Sam took the mic back, hooking his arm with Clint’s the pair of them swaying in sync slowly.

_When we learn to live, we learn to give each other what we need to survive. Together alive..ebony and ivory_

Clint, completely red faced and flustered, bumped his face into the mic but carried on, joining Sam.

_Live together in perfect harmony..side by side on my piano keyboard, oh lord, why don't we?_

Natasha swayed to the song, watching both males move around half drunk in a lazy slow dance while the crowd cheered them on. The pair of them rested their heads on each others shoulders while the chorus went on, looking completely ridiculous but cute, playing the crowd and partially out of it. Clint’s sluggish uncoordinated moves allowed Sam to lead and dip him, though he almost dropped him instead, the pair of them laughing like idiots into the microphone. 

Steve spied Pietro behind the bar, sliding over a shot of something to Tony, Bruce and Bucky. The trio sitting on stools, two were pointing at alcohol and gesturing this way and that while Bruce was hunched over quietly nursing a beer that Steve was sure he had at the beginning of the night. It wasn’t till he got closer that he saw there were already quite a lot of shot glasses before the pair, a tumbler of something amber and dark with a pair of ice cubes nestled in Tony’s left hand, his right occasionally signaling to Pietro or taking another shot. Bucky mirrored beside him, except he had clear liquid in his glass. Both were coated in a thin sheen of sweat that made their foreheads shine under the hot potted lights above them, both brunettes had bits of hair tacking to their skin, a soft glow of pink on their faces.

_How drunk did they get?_

Steve realized not as much as he thought, both turning to him before he was able to reach them through the shuffle of people standing around. Their eyes not as unfocused as he figured they would be considering how much alcohol they were putting away in their, compared to Steve at least, smaller frames. 

“We were wondering where you were!” Tony let out, throwing his arm out to wrap around Steve’s slender waist. He pressed the side of his head against the blond’s side, holding his glass up in the air, swaying to Clint and Sam still singing in the background, people still clapping and cheering the trainwreck on.

Bucky grinned at the stage, finishing off his own glass with one swift movement suddenly. “Pietro! Another double vod.”

The silver haired male quirked a grin in his direction with a nod, mixing a martini for another customer. They had a second bartender covering the second side of the long bar, though if Pietro was working he was pretty good at covering most orders by himself. The guy had an inkling for _fast_ whatever that really meant. Within a few seconds, that martini was poured and new ice was in Bucky’s glass with his vodka. 

Steve gave him a wave, the Sokovian raising his brows in amusement, “Told you that you can’t get enough of me, eh?” 

The blond gave him a playful wink before watching him dash off to help the crowd forming at the other end. He looked down at Tony, the brunette slowly moving back to sit up. Steve to the chance to give Bruce a pat on the shoulder, “You doing okay? Having fun?”

The male pushed up his glasses with a smile, “To tell you the truth, I would rather be working but this is okay. It’s not so bad.”

Steve gave his shoulder a comforting squeeze in response, “Hang in there, you’ll be out of here sooner than you know, just enjoy it right now it’s just one night, right?”

The brunette nodded slowly, reaching over to take a shot of whatever he was given before Steve had gotten there, Banner’s face made a grimace for a moment before it went back to normal. He chased the shot with a drink of his beer, which seemed to settle him. 

Tony tugged Steve back between himself and Bucky, looking up at him with wide slightly unfocused eyes. He pawed his hand up his chest til Steve stooped over, allowing Tony to hook his arm around his neck. “Babe, we’re gonna go sing. I wanna do some AC/DC, are you gonna to do something?”

They had been talking about it all week and it hadn’t occurred to Steve he should probably have a song in mind. He only shook his head while the three of them got up from their stools. “I’ll figure something out by the time you two finish.”

They all milled back to their table, Sam and Clint bowing and coming back to the table as well. 

“You were so good Clint.” Sam hugged him tight. 

“Oh man so were you Sam!” He fell into the man’s arms, hugging him as if life depended on it. They both quickly sat down, breaking into the finger foods that came while they were up on stage.

Tony grinned, “Alright, I’m going to make this place go crazy, you all need to watch and learn a thing or two.” 

Sam rolled his eyes, smiling at him after he threw a fry at Stark’s head; when everyone got a look on who was stepping up on the stage, screams and cheers roared out, Bucky raised his head looking around. He was pretty sure in that instant the place was jam packed with many more people than there were before they had sat down again. It was sort of odd in a way. 

Tony held the mic in his hands, grinning from ear to ear. He occasionally pointed out appreciatively to louder occupants of the bar, throwing out winks and nods. The brunette had to hand him his dues, he did know how to handle the crowd at least. 

He finally dropped his arms down, gesturing for everyone to quiet down, his eyes bright and full of amusement. Alcohol caused his face to be flush, a smirk creeping along his lips bringing the mic up, “Let’s get this party started, shall we?”

He immediately turned to the machine finding Back in Black, starting it up. Tony literally _strut_ across the small stage, nodding his head to the music, his hand casually smoothing out his Black Sabbath t-shirt before tapping his hand to the beat against his blue jeans.

_Back in black, I hit the sack, I've been too long I'm glad to be back. Yes, I'm let loose, from the noose, that's kept me_ _hanging about. I've been looking at the sky, ‘cause it's gettin' me high. Forget the hearse 'cause I never die. I got_ _nine lives, cat's eyes. Abusin' every one of them and running wild_

His face completely shifted to sheer concentration, looking slightly uncomfortable when he broke out his voice, sounding oddly similar to the lead singer, imitating the man’s very unusual high gritty sound that was very signature of the man. Tony wasn’t far off from it and he was doing it with ease. His eyes completely closed to stay in focus at least for the first verse, the lights reflecting off the sweat grazing his forehead while his feet planted themselves in the center of the floor. He had no plans to half ass his performance. 

_'Cause I'm back..Yes, I'm back..Well, I'm back..Yes, I'm back_  
_Well, I'm back, back..Well, I'm back in black..Yes, I'm back in black_

Aside from Steve, Bruce and Sam everyone else looked more than a little surprised.

Natasha was impressed, looking over to catch Steve’s eye, “He’s a really good singer Steve.”

The blond grinned, “I always tell him that, I’m glad I have someone to point that out with now.”

Sam pouted, “I knew he was a great singer before her.”

“Yeah but she’s pretty, I’m sorry Sam.”

He cocked a brow in mock offense, “Did you not see me and Clint light it up on that stage with our duet? I got three phone numbers from that, I was definitely pretty.”

Clint laughed, “He did, all I got was stink eye if any girl talked to me.”

“I don’t do the stink eye, Clint.”

He only flashed the redhead a smile, giving her a playful wink and then a kiss on her cheek, looking back to the stage. 

_Back in the back, of a Cadillac. Number one with a bullet, I'm a power pack. Yes, I'm in a bang, with a gang._ _They've got to catch me if they want me to hang. ‘Cause I'm back on the track and I'm beatin' the flack._ _Nobody's gonna get me on another rap. So look at me now, I'm just makin' my play. Don't try to push your luck, just get out of my way_

Steve grinned, feeling a sense of pride fill his chest. He sat up straighter and smiled wider, it had slightly started to get hard to see, as fans of the billionaire crowding the stage. The brunette played the crowd, prowling the stage while he sang the oncoming verses. His shoulders hunched forward, body strong and tense while he sang loud and full of intention into the microphone. He gripped the microphone firmly, his sweat dampened brows furrowed together. He occasionally looked at the people before the stage nodding to his performance but he was mainly in his own zone, eyes narrowed and usually looking past everyone.

_'Cause I'm back. Yes, I'm back. Well, I'm back. Yes, I'm back. Well, I'm back, back. Well, I'm back in black . Yes,_ _I'm back in black_

Tony was working the crowd up in a frenzy, hopping himself off the stage with the microphone, high fiving extended hands and throwing out random dance moves this way and that keeping with the beat while he was still singing. Someone offered him a beer and he took a quick swig before continuing the line he was on like nothing was wrong. He moved in a bit around a group of people, shamelessly dancing around with the nearest pretty girl. Bucky scoffed and snorted almost simultaneously, getting an elbow from Steve. They exchanged looks, the brunette raising a perfectly questioned brow before taking another shot of vodka. Steve only lightly bumped him again, this time with his side, casually drinking down his beer like nothing had happened. 

Tony was literally pelvic thrusting while he got down and dirty with his air guitar solo and Steve couldn’t stop laughing, especially when Tony looked over and pointed in his direction, causing him to blush furiously. He signaled for Steve to come over and after a shove from Sam he did so. Tony twirled Steve around, pulling him back into his arms, clasping his arm tightly around his waist, they stared at each other and grinned. He held the mic for the both of them. 

_Well, I'm back, yes I'm back..well, I'm back, yes I'm back. Well, I'm back, back, well I'm back in black, yes I'm back_ _in black. Ho yeah. Oh yeah. Yes I am. Oh yeah, yeah oh yeah..Back in now. Well I'm back, I'm back_ _Back, (I'm back). Back, (I'm back). Back, (I'm back). Back, (I'm back). Back. Back in black. Yes I'm back in black. Out of the sight._

As the last bit of the song played, Tony only lead Steve back towards their table, passing the mic to a random person as he waved away smugly. Pausing before he sat down, he smiled proudly at his grinning company, “And that’s how it should be done.” 

Sam got up from the table, slapping a hand down on his shoulder, “I don’t know how you can sing like him, man it hurt my throat.”

The brunette pulled Steve down to sit on his lap, “It’s just how you use your throat, right Baby?”

It took Steve a moment, Sam already pressing a palm to his face before he looked at Tony as if he couldn’t believe he was making a sexual joke, turning his head away to hide the red reaching his cheeks. 

Bruce groaned inwardly, rolling his eyes, “You have the most terrible jokes, Tony.”

He tilted his head with feigned indignance, “Oh but you always laugh at them my good doctor.”

“At you and with you are wholly different.”

Tony made a soft displeased sound, clutching at his head, “You wound me.”

Sam and Steve laughed, the brunette finally pushed past a few people to order up some more food like he had originally planned. 

Tony pushed Steve forward to lean sideways, poking Bucky’s shoulder, “Come on Barnes, let’s hear that big mouth of yours sing.”

The brunette was nodding to the song someone was singing at the moment, scoffing at Tony, “I’m not _that_ drunk yet, I can sing just fine. Better than your banshee wailing to AC/DC, Stark.”

The male gestured towards the stage, “Go right ahead then. Break out those pipes.”

Bucky shrugged, looking around the table, “Any requests?”

Clint grinned, “Lady Gaga.”

“Fuck off Clint. Something I actually listen to.”

With a smirk on her lips, Natasha slid him a shot of vodka, “Franz Ferdinand, you know which one you love.” She glanced over at Sam, seeing if he knew which one, knowing the male was an avid listener of many styles of music. The slow burn of a hazy grin was all she needed, standing up to pull Bucky off his chair, “Yes, do them. Go!”

At first he didn’t know what Natasha was playing at, thinking about it while he took the shot, sliding his shot glass back at her. The slow realization dawning upon him when he was looking through songs by band name and saw ‘Take Me Out’. The worse joke in the whole wide world, of course Nat would take this one step up especially with Tony having no idea. The meaning was not lost on Bucky himself, nor apparently on Wilson. His eyes darted back to Steve, completely focused on him giving him a big (slightly) drunk smile, excited to hear him tonight. That only made Bucky feel nervous, trying to calm himself under the harsh bright light. He definitely wasn’t drunk enough for this. 

He drew in a breath, staring out at the light dimmed crowd sitting around enjoy each others company, still enough eyes set on him to make him mildly second guess himself. He gave a small wave, stepping near the microphone, “Alright, I’m going to do Take Me Out by Franz Ferdinand, hopefully I don’t butcher it too bad."

“You’re too hot to butcher it honey!"

Bucky raised his brows in complete surprise, not knowing who the hell had yelled that out, a soft blush creeping over his face, the spotlights over the stage made sure everyone saw it, especially after a small choked shy laugh followed quickly and the microphone had picked it all up, “Thanks for your support."

He stepped back, about to start when Steve flagged him to the side. Bucky bent down a bit, his face a little curious, “What’s up?"

“Do you mind if I join you for this? I can play the guitar part of this, its one of my favorite songs."

“No shit? Get up here!”

Bucky wondered when Steve started playing guitar, his hands were far from calloused and rough. A belt of whistles and cat calls broke in when Steve stepped up, shyly smiling at the crowd and giving a small wave before looking at him with a shift of a childish grin, he looked completely delighted at the chance to play. 

_Jesus, everyone’s riled up tonight._

“You don’t seem to play much guitar.”

Steve grinned, pointing at the instruments, “I play here when we’re closed or before we open. I used to have two guitars but I sold them. I can use these babies whenever I’m not busy so it’s not too much of a loss. I just hope I’m not so drunk that I mess everything up.” He shrugged. 

The brunette gestured for him to get ready, giving Natasha a quick glance wondering if she somehow knew this was going to happen. She only looked at him with a knowing smile and he wasn’t sure if it was because of Steve stepping up or hoping Steve would have done it. Steve picked up a guitar pick off the chair and the hooked up Fender, strumming a few notes after pulling the strap over his shoulder. 

“Are you gonna sing back up too?”

Blue eyes glanced up at him, a small smile at the corner of his lips. He looked eager to do anything related to the song, “Only if you want me to.”

Bucky gave him a genuine smile, “Always Steve, you can always come up here with me.”

He hastily moved a secondary mic stand towards Steve, the blond giving him a nod that he was good. 

“Well, looks like I’ll be up here with Steve, one of Nick’s more popular bartenders..” 

A round of laughter rolled out as Bucky gave a wave to Pietro and the second bartender working with him, both flipping him the finger. 

Bucky loaded up the song and was ready to go all or nothing. Their friends sitting together in excited anticipation. He wasn’t sure if he was going to lose his dinner over this. This was too exciting and too nerve wracking suddenly with Steve there, he was more self aware of himself but it was funny considering how much he loved to do karaoke.

_Suck it up, come on it’s just for fun._

The starting of _Take Me Out_ began, Bucky finally realizing how sweaty his hands felt, clutching the microphone with one anxiously. His eyes glanced over at Steve filling in for the lead guitar surprisingly playing at par, he wasn’t bull shitting and he looked like he really did know his stuff. Some people already excited and clapping for him before the singing began. Steve gave him a small encouraging nod and in the last second Bucky let his eyes close. His head and foot tapped to the beat, feeling that heat bloom in his chest again, an automatic grin breaking out.

_So if you’re lonely, you know I'm here waiting for you. I'm just a cross-hair, I'm just a shot away from you and_ _if you leave here, you leave me broken shattered I lie. I'm just a cross-hair, I'm just a shot then we can die.._

The crowd woo’ed and clapped, Bucky nodding his head to the beat, his eyes gazing over at Steve, the blond smiling encouragingly at him.

_I know I wont be leaving here with you.._

His voice felt nervous and awkward, Steve watching him at every second. This definitely wasn’t normal and it sucked that the blond did this to him. His hand half swept forward to his partner, signaling to Steve to play the guitar chords while Bucky backed up a few steps, tapping his foot and bobbing his head to the distinct beat, subtly shifting his shoulders from side to side with it. He glanced up at the rush of people cheering them on, his eyes roaming up the back side of Steve’s taut arms, his head down in concentration while he stared at his hands and he knew each note like he said, he was great, his upper body leaning back a little, lightly bumping the brunette. Bucky fed off his confidence, breaking out forward on the stage, his voice higher and loud. He pointed at the crowd with his new motivation, his eyes narrowed and determined, this was going to either get him in trouble or be the best farce. He walked away a little from Steve to let him play, taking his cue.

_I say, don't you know? You say, you don't know. I say.._

His hand turned to Steve, pointing at him. 

_..take me out._

Steve raised a brow, grinning wide as he turned to play facing him. 

_I say, You don't show. Don't move time is slow. I say.._

Bucky sang inches away from him now, completely in his atmosphere.

_..take me out_

He was slowing losing the rush of the crowd focused solely on the cute blond in front of him. Fuck everything else. Their eyes met again after a second, Steve unconsciously moistening his lips, a grin crossing Bucky’s features. The warmth from the room was wrapping heavily around him, it made him feel weird and loose especially with the alcohol buzzing through. 

_Well I say, You don't know. You say, you don’t go. I say.._

Bucky playfully gave him a wink, causing Steve to take a step up closer, face to face as if he had forgotten there were people there.

_Take me out. If I move this could die and eyes move this could die. I want you.._

Bucky got into the music especially the lyrics, darkened grey blues not dropping Steve’s gaze and he himself refused to let up.

_..to take me out_

Bucky held the microphone up between them, draping one arm against his shoulder, Steve turning in to Bucky as much as he could, bowing his head slightly to offer back up vocals for the next part.

_I know I won't be leaving here (With you)_  
_I know I won't be leaving here_  
_I know I won't be leaving here (With you)_  
_I know I won't be leaving here with you_

Bucky moved his arm off, straightening up to face the crowd while Steve played his guitar solo, turning to press his back into Bucky’s side and the brunette laughed into the air, lowering the mic. His warm flushed face basking in the few seconds before he was up, pressing back into Steve, reaching his hand over his shoulder to mess his blond hair up.

_Well I say, don't you know? You say, you don't know. I say.._

He turned, lightly bumping his hip into Steve’s.

 _Take me out. If I wane this could die. I wait this could die. I want you_

He pulled away, blush blending into his warm, crimson colored face.

_to take me out. If I move this could die..eyes move this can die. Come on..take me out_

Bucky walked backwards across the stage, beckoning Steve with a crook of his finger and Steve followed almost like he was tied to a string not dropping eye contact with him. Bucky paused near the far middle, feet planted slightly apart, his shoulders hitting the notes to the music as he moved his hips to it. Steve moved closer, preparing to sing with him again. He rested his forehead against Bucky’s temple and the brunette had no time to react through his half drunken and giddy state.

_I know I won't be leaving here (With you)_  
_I know I won't be leaving here_  
_I know I won't be leaving here (With you)_  
_I know I won't be leaving here (With you)..._

Steve finished the last line with Bucky, both of them bumping shoulders together while they rocked to the sharp beat. He played the last note louder than the rest, strumming the strings with a large arc of his arm swinging it up into the air and holding it there as the song faded out. His other hand came off the fret board during the cheering and clapping to drape around and squeeze Bucky’s shoulders encouragingly, giving him a light shake. Bucky waved and bowed, pretty surprised people were so excited about it, not really sure why they were acting that way in the first place. Steve slipped out to put the guitar away, grabbing Bucky’s hand to take them back to the table.

Tony feeling a slight pang of jealousy, maybe more than that though before his mind could really mull over it, Steve let go of Bucky and sat down again. He draped himself against Tony’s side, throwing an arm around his boyfriend’s shoulders, nuzzling the side of his neck.

The brunette couldn’t help but temporarily forget the performance so he could slide his arm around the blond’s waist and cuddle him closer, “Have fun up there?” 

Steve raised his head and nodded, “But I still have to go up there, and I finally decided what song I’m going to do.”

Tony lifted a brow curiously, resting his tumbler back on the table, fingers lightly stroking Steve’s face while he spoke. Steve didn’t respond, tilting into his touch. He only gave a small wink and an excited smile.

Now that they had sat down and he absorbed everything, Bucky wasn’t sure if it was that sad that he was kinda sorta flirting with Steve like that not that Steve took it that way, back cuddling with Tony. Natasha leaned in, her eyes still watching the empty stage. Fingers lightly scratched her chin as if in deep thought. “So.”

Bucky glanced at her, attempting his take on faking casual. He poured himself another shot, taking it down quickly. “Yes?”

“How do you feel after you and Steve eye fucked each other for approximately four whole minutes?”

He scoffed at her, rolling his eyes, “We didn’t- ”

Now she looked at him, earnest and smiling softly like she knew better and he could only smile back at her. He was drunk but he was aware and Tony wasn’t exploding so what did it really matter? He grabbed one of the new beers that were served up. “It was really good.”

She smiled wider, sipping thoughtfully at her martini, “You looked like you were having fun. So did he. Imagine what else he could do with those fingers.”

Bucky choked on his beer, coughing and patting his chest. “Natalia!”

“I’m just making an observation, James.”

He only glared at her playfully, the thought poking at his brain.

“You and Steve were awesome up there, probably better than me and Clint, but we were just making asses of ourselves.”

Bucky laughed, “No, Ebony and Ivory was much better, believe me. You and Clint need to duet more!”

Sam leaned his head back, laughing out with a nod, “I’m always open to a duet with Barton, huh Clint?”

The blond nodded, a goofy grin across his face, “Sam, you’re my partner for all karaoke songs from now on, deal?”

The brunette high fived him, “Deal!”

Steve pulled himself out of Tony’s lap, planting a light kiss on his nose before making sure he was sitting and sitting there for the whole song. “I’m gonna sing something for you.”

The brunette grinned wide, looking up adoringly at him, “Then let’s hear it Baby!”

Steve smiled coyly, finishing off his beer before turning towards the empty stage. As soon as he came into view, people were already cheering him on. An irresistible goofy smile snuck across his face, giving the crowd a wave. He shuffled through the music until he found what he wanted. He stepped up to the microphone, “This is for my sweeter than sweet boyfriend, Tony Stark, who came out for the night with his friend Bruce even though they’re both very busy with work, I love you!”

A chorus of aww’s and oh’s rang through the room.

Tony, for his part, mouthed an I love you back, standing up dramatically while he blew waves and kisses at his boyfriend. He picked up his glass with a laugh as he sat down again and took a sip after gesturing for him to carry on with it. He gave Steve an excited playful wink, all his attention focused on him.

There was no way to wipe the darn lovesick smile off Steve’s face, he was going for it. Whatever it was, it only made Bucky crazy in wonder. Was it going to be slow? Fast? Old? New? He already knew Steve could play but how was his singing aside from backup? Sam said he was great but was he amazing great or friends great? He suddenly realized how nervous he was for Steve, his hands forming soft fists, staring at the man.

Maroon 5's _Sugar_ started and for one split second, Steve locked eyes with Bucky, a quick smile appearing before all his attention went to Tony. 

_I'm hurting, baby. I'm broken down. I need your loving, loving. I need it now. When I'm without you. I'm_ _something weak. You got me begging, begging. I'm on my knees._

Instantly Steve was on, suddenly a drive to take this home snapping inside of him. His body may have been frozen but his voice brought out all the energy he was hiding away.

Bucky turned his head when Clint slapped a hand hard on his shoulder, laughing in amusement, “Oh man! This is much better than Lady Gaga!” 

“Go Steve!” Sam shouted out, cupping his hands over his mouth, clapping excitedly. 

Natasha was smiling, wide and pleased, staring up at him appreciation. It was really different and that only meant a certain blond was on her good side. 

Bucky turned to glance at Tony, his eyes locked on Steve, an affectionate, pleased smile on his mainly drunken face. They were completely playing the tune of no one else in the room, Bucky finishing off his beer in quiet depreciation and self defeat.

_I don't wanna be needing your love. I just wanna be deep in your love. And it's killing me when you're away ooh,_ _baby. 'Cause I really don't care where you are, I just wanna be there where you are. And I gotta get one little taste._

Steve stood up straight, a slight move to the music with his nervous hips, his mouth shifted to momentarily smile towards people cheering him on before they were lost back to his focus on Tony. His brow cocking with the accentuation of key lyrics, his shift of breath at certain parts exactly like the lead singer did, his blue eyes beaming excitedly, his free hand pointing towards Tony at the chorus.

_Your sugar. Yes, please. Won't you come and put it down on me? I'm right here, 'cause I need. Little love, a little_ _sympathy. Yeah, you show me good loving. Make it alright. Need a little sweetness in my life. Your sugar._ _Yes, please. Won't you come and put it down on me?_

Steve slowly started moving back and forth in a small span of the stage at first, letting himself warm up to the crowd. Quickly claps, yells and shouts on top of all of his liquid courage enabled him to break out of his shell quite a bit, raising his voice slightly higher to accommodate the cheering.

_My broken pieces. You pick them up. Don't leave me hanging, hanging. Come give me some. When I'm without_ _ya, I'm so insecure. You are the one thing, one thing. I'm living for._

A small snort escaped Bucky. He watched as Steve began to dance around, wiggling his assets for all as long as Tony was the main person watching, exciting everyone around. Bucky was feeling second hand embarrassment for him but it was completely unnecessary. He was damn good at it. There was no goofiness to it, Steve Rogers could dance and sing quite well. He was an adorable puppy. 

Bucky ran his hands through his messy hair, cupping them over his face while he watched through his fingers, he couldn’t help but smile. It was all for Tony but he found Steve too endearing to worry about the finer details. The blond was way too eye catching to look away from, especially when he was roping the audience with or without prior knowledge. 

_I don't wanna be needing your love. I just wanna be deep in your love. And it's killing me when you're away, ooh, baby. 'Cause I really don't care where you are. I just wanna be there where you are. And I gotta get one little taste._

Steve’s face was flushed red, a haze in his eyes and even with all his muscles, he moved with ease across the small stage and everyone ate it up. White knuckle gripping the mic, his eyes closing to certain parts where he wanted to hit a stronger note, Bucky couldn’t help but admire it completely. Steve’s free hand roved over his chest, the stage light exposing a little skin playfully, muscles contained underneath causing women and men to cry out louder for him. His hand continued along his neck and through his mess of blond and bits of brown hair, he was damn beautiful.

_Your sugar. Yes, please. Won't you come and put it down on me? I'm right here. 'Cause I need. Little love, a little_ _sympathy. Yeah, you show me good loving. Make it alright. Need a little sweetness in my life. Your_ _sugar! Yes, please. Won't you come and put it down on me?_

Steve felt the energy ripple through him, shaking his hips to the beat of the catchy tune, his head bobbing as his eyes never left Tony when they were open. He continuously broke out in smiles while he sang, feeling his face burn. Everyone was cheering and screaming for him but all he wanted was for Tony to be proud of him. The brunette staring deeply at him with a crazy grin on his face, Steve knew that he was getting what he wanted, Tony was in awe of him. It made him feel giddy all over, pointing him out again, gesturing for him to come to the front.

_Yeah. I want that red velvet. I want that sugar sweet. Don't let nobody touch it unless that somebody's me. I gotta_ _be your man, there ain't no other way. ‘Cause **boy** you're hotter than a southern California day. I don't wanna play no games. You don't gotta be afraid. Don't give me all that shy shit. No make-up on, that's my..._

Tony came up to the stage and Steve quickly stooped down, throwing his arms out to give his boyfriend a deep but quick kiss, scrambling up to pick the song back up, almost losing his place from the raucous sound of the patrons.

_Your sugar. Yes, please. Won't you come and put it down on me? I'm right here. 'Cause I need. Little love, a little_ _sympathy. Yeah, you show me good loving. Make it alright. Need a little sweetness in my life. Your sugar! Yes,_ _please. Won't you come and put it down on me?_

As soon as the song stopped, everyone roared out in cheers, raising their glasses, clapping for him. Steve couldn’t even feel embarrassed, the adrenaline still buzzing through him. He bowed to his left, then to his right, then to his center, Tony putting his hand out to help Steve hop down, the pair of them sharing a kiss that everyone watched. 

Steve couldn’t help laugh against his lips when the aww’s and wolf whistles rang through the packed bar, feeling Tony tug him back to their table, away from everyone watching their display of affection.

Clint rose shakily out of his seat first, slapping a hand on Steve’s back, “That was amazing Steve! You’re a great singer!” 

He beamed at the blond, grinning sheepishly. 

Natasha smiled, holding her arms out for him to come into them, giving him a warm hug and a kiss on his cheek. “You were perfect.”

Steve felt himself blush harder if that was even possible, Sam giving him a brand new beer and a high five, “You still got it!” 

Bruce gave him a simple thumbs up, a smile on his face and that was all the blond could ask for from Banner. He was one person that gave small gestures that spoke a thousand words. 

He fell into his chair, Tony giving him another peck on the lips before heading to the bathrooms. Taking a parched drink from his new beer, he looked over at Bucky pouring who was himself a line of shots, “What about you? Did you enjoy it?”

Lazy, roaming grey blues looked over at him and he nodded, taking his first shot back, “Really great, Rogers.”

Steve snaked an arm around Bucky’s shoulders, pulling closer to him as he struggled not to spill half the vodka into their laps, an annoyed look crossing his face. Steve leaned in opening his mouth, the brunette gave a shrug, pouring into his mouth. Steve grinned and Bucky could only stare at him for a second before smiling back. He handed him another and took one for himself, “To you Steve.”

He raised his brows in confusion, holding the shot in the air, “Me? What for?”

“For being amazing up there.” Bucky let it out slow and careful, putting meaning behind it. 

They both peered at each other, the color on Steve’s face burning in brighter not knowing what to say. “And you.”

“For?”

“Being you, Jerk.” Steve squeezed his arm around Bucky’s shoulders as he was being scoffed at, both taking their shots with small stupid grins.

 

A couple hours passed before Sam lightly nudged Natasha, “You think it’s time to call it a night?” 

His head tilted towards Clint passed out in his chair, half falling out of it. Tony barely standing straight in Steve’s arms while they danced around in front of the stage with others. Bruce watching them in his seat quietly, nursing a third beer. Bucky, they had lost track of Bucky.

Natasha craned her neck, “Where’s Bucky?”

Sam squinted his eyes, trying to peer through his beer goggles of half drunkenness, though he couldn’t really help too much.

“Oh my god, he’s making out with someone. Oh my god, Sam just..wake up Clint, please.” She shot out of her chair before he could even reply, his hand lightly poking Bruce.

The brunette nodded, “I heard and agree with her.” 

He got up to call Tony and Steve over and back to the table. Tony flopping back into his chair looking worse than wear. Steve fumbled himself into his own seat, watching Sam shake Clint awake, Bruce resting his hands on his hips, “Think its time I get Tony back home, are you coming with us Steve?”

Steve quietly sat for a moment, looking around in confusion at the two empty chairs beside him. He turned back to Bruce, shaking his head slowly, “No, I should probably go home or something..”

Sitting Clint upright with a bottle of water, Sam tilted his head over his shoulder, “He came with me, so I can take him back if he still wants to, or my place whatever works. We can take a cab back.”

Bruce stepped forward nodding while he pulled Tony up. He managed with odd ease considering the brunette was practically dead weight and barely lifting his feet to walk. “Think it’s time to take him back now. Thank you for inviting me, it was fun.”

Sam and Clint gave waves and goodbyes.

Steve pulled himself up with a slight drunken grace, taking Tony’s other side to relieve some of the weight, “Hey..you’re welcome anytime Bruce, take the chance to get a little fresh air and relax...I’m glad you came out.”

The pair of them made it outside, Tony’s car already waiting at the curb, Banner flashing him a warmhearted smile. “I really did enjoy myself even if I didn’t say much, thank you.”

Tony raised his heavy head, planting a big kiss on Bruce’s cheek, “He’s such..an old..softie Steve! I love this guy, I love you too..Steve don’t..get (hic) jealous!”

Steve laughed, hiccuping in the middle of it while Bruce blushed furiously, “I’ll try not to,” He focused harder on who he was speaking to. “..Get jealous, I may have a little crush on..Brucey too.”

Tony looked up in surprise, his eyes glossed over and completely unfocused, “Really Steve?! Oh..my god..I’m going to fight him..for you!”

Bruce chuckled, opening the door for his friend, “Get inside Tony, we can duel at the crack of dawn if you like.”

The brunette only groaned, climbing in clumsily, “No..too early..I need my beauty sleep..duel off..”

Bruce rolled his eyes, giving Steve a wave, “Go back inside Steve, it’s cold.”

The blond leaned against the car door, slowly letting the line sink in before he flung his arms around the man, hugging him tight, “I love you Bruce!”

Eyes wide in surprise, Bruce hugged him back with a chuckle, “I love you too Steve, goodnight.”

“I love you both!” Tony yelled out.

Steve lazily waved, stumbling back inside the bar, watching them go through the window.

Natasha tugged Bucky back towards the table, his hair slightly messy, his thin shirt clinging to his body from the thin veil of sweat over his body. “Nat, let’s go do some shots.”

She sat on the their table, handing the beer he was drinking, “I’m cutting you off, nurse that beer for as long as you can. We have to take Clint home soon.”

The brunette made a small sound of disapproval, his eyes drooping and tired. He listened to someone singing _Can’t Feel My Face_ behind him, putting his hand out in her direction, walking backwards a little towards the bar.

Natasha followed him, her face soft but stern, “No Bucky. No more shots.”

Bucky held his beer overhead, his other arm extended out to the side to invite her in, Natasha swaying her hips softly to the music. She moved her arms out towards him, grabbing him by the handfuls of his blue v-neck, pulling him towards her watching him willingly move. He smiled when she looked up at him, their foreheads bumping against each other.

“Are you having fun?”

“Always Nat, I’m always having fun.”

She slung her arms around his neck, feeling lazy and content. Bucky exhaled lightly, his eyes glassy, his cheeks washed with pink and red.

“Pretty drunk though, I think.”

“You are very drunk James.” It was almost a hum, not bothering to open her eyes to make sure he heard. He pulled his head back, drinking down his beer putting the empty on a table nearby. Slipping an arm around her waist, he took her other hand and twirled her around with a grin while she held on tight to him, moving with him with scary synchronization. He dipped her and brought her back upright in one go. They turned again, only to bump into Steve, the three of them laughing. Natasha slipped from Bucky’s grasp, nudging Steve into him, “I have to go check on Clint, you two entertain each other.”

Bucky gave her a sloppy military salute, Steve swinging his arm around to gather Bucky against his side, the both of them stumbling forward to the bar. Bucky tried to casually lean against it, resting his elbow on the counter surface flashing Steve a crooked goofy smile. His legs buckled under him, Steve slow reacting but managing to pull him back up, laughing stupidly. 

“God, we’re so Buck drunk.”

A small laugh escaped the brunette, trying to focus on standing up straight, his hands gripping firmly to the shirt sleeve of Steve’s right arm, his forehead pressed against the male’s chest. “Shh, hold on. Just..give me a sec.”

“Aw Buck,” Steve threw his arms around him, cuddling him tight, burying his face into Bucky’s hair. “You feel so nice and warm.”

Forgetting everything he was trying to do just then, Bucky curled against Steve’s body, clutching at him. He slowly lifted his head up, swaying to music lost in his head. 

Steve only smiled at him, receiving one back before arms wrapped around the both of them, then another, then Sam’s last. 

“Group hugs!”

Bucky tried to adjust his sight to the trio circling them, Steve shifted to wrap his arms the best way he could to get everyone in, then five of them ending up in a tight circle in the middle of the bar floor not that anyone would question them. 

“I love you guys, every last one of you, all of you. Everyone one..of you.”

Sam grinned, “We love you too Steve.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be on vacation for Christmas, I'm hoping to add another chapter before that so keep your eyes peeled :)


	7. Bucky?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brock's dad mode senses are never ending. Steve should remember never to answer phone calls from Johnny Storm when it's past midnight, especially when it's on Bucky's phone. Sam starts to wonder a little. The Gala ends up being more than what either Steve **or** Bucky bargain for.
> 
>  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Chapter 7 pic](http://i.imgur.com/Rw5J82G.png)  
>  Woo I got something done before I leave on holidays, have a safe Christmas! :)

**Late September, 2015**  
  
  


The phone.

It was the phone.

Bucky kicked his foot out abruptly, striking nothing but air. His face pressed into the pillow, bleary eyes roaming about. He heard his door open but he could barely move, the blood rushing to his head, roaring and screaming at him. He could barely recognize where he was. 

A phone was pressed into his palm, his phone, the ringing stopped and he was grateful, rolling over onto his back with a large amount of effort, letting the blanket twist around his body. He groaned painfully, barely able to focus on Natasha hovering over him with a mug in her hands.

“Are you up now, Precious?” A sarcastic smile on her face.

He could barely form simple cohesive sentences in his head let alone process the look on her face. He rubbed his eyes, resting the phone on his chest, “Time?”

“Oh after two, give or take.”

He exhaled softly, dropping his arm against his eyes. “How did I get back here anyway? I barely remember the end of the night. Don’t even remember singing, I did sing right?”

“Yeah you did, it’ll come back. Sam and I managed to get you and Clint into the cab and get us home. You and Steve were so busy touching each other we decided where you would be sleeping for you before you ended up convincing him to take his clothes off for you.”

He pulled the sheets over his head. “Nat, you’re so vulgar.”

“So that’s not what you’d do?”

“I never said it’s not what I’d do, I only said you’re vulgar.”

She nodded, pushing the warm mug into his hands, “Your milky coffee. Drink up. Plus, Steve was calling on your phone so you probably want to call him back. Just saving you to trouble of freaking out when you take your sweet time to check who it may be.”

Bucky grunted a thank you, sitting up warily to take an uncoordinated sip from the mug, his thumb scrolling through his missed calls before calling Steve.

“Hey Bucky.”

Bucky dropped his head back against the headboard, grumbling out softly, “Why do you sound so fucking chipper? I seem to recall you were pretty drunk too last night.”

He listened to Steve chuckle lightly and it sounded so good in his ears. “I’m really not that chipper, I’m at the store so I’m only pretending for the masses. Did you just wake up?”

“How’d you guess?”

“I have fantastic psychic abilities. Anyway, I wanted to tell you I can’t make it to your dinner thing tonight. Tony and Bruce are having something with his friend James, they invited me and I know you invited me first but, you know.”

Try as he might, Bucky did understand and he hated it. He felt his stomach sink a little, trying to calm himself before he responded, lightly batting at the pillow next to him. “That’s fine. You had no obligation where you had to be here, its all good.” His mouth felt dry and chalky, a grimace forming against his lips. 

“Are you sure? You sound kind of, I dunno. If you really want me to come, I can make something up I know it’s kind of a jerk thing for me to do and all.”

If it was even possible, the feeling in Bucky’s stomach worsened. Churning and grinding inside of him. Steve was being perfectly sweet and kind and Bucky wanted him to stop it. Hated him for it right then, dragging his heels along the bedsheets. “Steve, he’s your boyfriend. Nothing would make me tell you to change your plans to see me instead of him.”

“I know Buck..I just, I feel bad.”

“Seriously, don’t worry about it. You barely get to see him once a week, enjoy yourself.”

“Thanks for understanding. Oh hey! I got the door opened, well I broke it..anyway I got my tuxedo out of there at any rate and good news, it still fits perfectly! So I’ll probably get it dry cleaned and it’ll be ready for the weekend. I’ll look great hanging off your arm.”

Bucky almost choked on his own saliva, coughing out automatically, hearing Steve laugh at him. “Stop laughing Asshole, I could have died!”

“No way would you have died, you’re so dramatic. Do you want me to show it to you tomorrow, see if it's Bucky Barnes approved?”

A smile crept over Bucky’s lips at the idea of Steve in a tux, he had a thing for suits and tuxedos. Throw in Steve and it was damn well perfect. “Nah, I trust you. I’ll see you that night when you arrive.”

“Arrive? We aren’t going together?”

He shook his head automatically, “I can’t. I was just told yesterday I had to go with my parents but you have your invitation and I’ll meet you there as soon as you come inside. I usually perch myself at the open bar at any sort of party so you’ll easily find me.”

“Just don’t start without me.”

He could hear the smile in Steve’s voice and it only made Bucky smile, “I won’t. I promise, but I should get up and take a shower. I probably smell horrible.”

Steve chuckled softly, “Yeah I know the feeling. Good thing Sam took me to his place, he had readied himself for anything I needed. If I was home I would probably just stay in bed all day til one of you called me. Talk to you later, Buck.”

Bucky said his goodbye just as Natasha snuck in to toss a towel on him, “Is he coming tonight?”

The brunette set the mug down on the night table, curling back under the sheets with a soft groan, “Nope. I had to pretend it was better he stayed with Tony. You know, fake that I’m a great friend.”

She hopped onto the bed, laying out on top of him, pulling the blanket down to look at his face with a crinkle of her nose, “You really really need a shower, James.”

He made a displeased noise, squinting slightly, “You really need to get off me.”

“Dog pile!” Clint abruptly cried out before leaping onto the pair of them.

“Oh my god! Oh my god you’re crushing me, both of you get the fuck off me!”

Lucky barked out, leaping on the bed, hopping all over everyone excitedly. Bucky managed to wiggle out of the mass, rolling off and onto the floor with a thud. He crawled to his feet, pulling on sweatpants over his boxers, yawning loudly. “Next time just leave me at Steve’s while he’s at Sam’s then I’ll have some peace and quiet.”

“Aw that’s not fun at all!”

Natasha pulled herself up, heading out the door, “Go take a shower, I'll make you something to eat.”

Bucky grunted a reply, sifting through his laundry basket for clean clothes. Clint sat up, giving Lucky a pet on the head, “So is Steve coming tonight?”

“No, Tony invited him to a movie night or something with his friends. He wanted to let me know, can you believe he offered to cancel it for me, like I’m seriously going to ask him to do that.”

The blond shrugged a little, “That’s how he is, he wants to be considerate. He seriously likes you and before you give me some weird glaring emo looks I mean that in a friendly way not in a wanted to get you in bed way. 

Bucky rolled his eyes anyway, “Yeah because I’m such a great friend, I don’t randomly think about him in any wrong way ever especially since I've seen him butt ass naked.”

Clint headed towards the door, “I’m telling you, he really likes you and I’m willing to bet it’s going to turn into that wanting to get you in bed way.”

“Get out Clint before I kill you.”

Bucky took a long shower, soaking his back and shoulders underneath the almost scalding water, pressing his hands against the walls at either side of him. The water felt good against body and he just wanted to give up the day to mope. At least until Brock came over, he would have no choice but to hide that, god forbid Rumlow found out about him pining that much that he would let it ruin his whole day. He’d never hear the end of a dad lecture. 

He turned to wash his hair and face, raising his head to the repeated knock at the door. 

“Buck hurry up, I have to pee!”

The brunette made a confused face, knowing they have a second bathroom available. He didn’t argue though, quickly finishing up. He dried himself off, tying the towel around his waist. He walked into the small hallway, “Clint, go take your piss or whatever, I’m done!”

He did a double take down the stairs when he saw a head peek out from the living room, Steve giving him a sheepish smile. “Sorry, I asked him to tell you I was here, not force you out of your shower.”

“Same thing to me.” He heard the blond mutter back from the couch.

“Hey. I didn’t know you were dropping by..” And suddenly Bucky became completely aware he was standing almost naked, save for his towel around his waist. 

Before his entire body flushed in embarrassment, he gestured that he’d be back, scrambling into his room to put on clothes. Tugging on a black t-shirt and some dark blue jeans, he looped a belt around his waist. He slipped on some socks, fixing his damp hair in the mirror, frantically combing his fingers through it trying to make it look casual messy. He came back out, barreling down the stairs before sliding across the wood floor into the living room. 

“Okay back.”

He attempted to ignore the raised questioning brow Natasha was giving him, trying to lean casually against the frame of the entryway. Steve smiled at him, hand still petting Lucky’s head, “Wanna take a walk? Get a bite to eat? We can take this guy out too if it’s okay with Clint.”

Bucky opened his mouth to reply but his stomach growled angrily and he could only shrug, “I guess that’s the answer for you.”

Clint smiled, glancing up from the show he was watching, “It’s no problem, have fun.”

 

Bucky sat next to Steve, watching the fountain before them at the park. Lucky had roamed off to investigate the water for a new minutes before he came over to the pair of them, laying down in the grass by their feet. Steve separated the disposable wooden chopsticks before opening his take out container, flashing his friend a grin as he looked up at the tree above them that shaded them from the sunshine. 

“I can’t believe it’s warm and then as soon as the sun goes away its freezing. It makes sense but the cold is really creeping in.”

Bucky shrugged his shoulders softly, dabbing a chopstick into his ball of wasabi to brush it against the pieces of sushi and sashimi in his bento box. “I want it to snow. There’s something romantic about it snowing.”

The blond raised a brow at him, “You barely utter anything about romance and you only use it as a reference to a moment everyone is inconvenienced?” 

He shrugged again, not knowing what else to say as he chewed on his food. “Ignorance is bliss.”

Steve gave him a long calculated look before laughing to himself, eating his teriyaki silently. He lightly bumped his shoe into Bucky’s, the pair of them glancing at each other with small smiles.

Steve finally pointed his chopstick at Bucky’s dish with a face, “Do you always get raw fish?”

“You don’t eat sashimi?”

Steve crinkled his nose, “No, I know it’s not supposed to smell but I just keep imagining it smelling fishy and it turns me off. I like California rolls though, if that counts.”

Bucky smiled, “It doesn’t.” He scooted to turn a little, “Here, plug your nose and close your eyes.”

“You’re not going to do anything that’s going to get us arrested are you?”

He groaned out softly, “Shut up, just trust me.”

Steve couldn’t help but smile, doing as he was told. He set his food aside, Bucky smearing a little bit of wasabi on a piece of salmon, giving it a very light dip in the soy sauce. He took one quick look at Steve, mouth open with a curious smile and he couldn’t help but smile at him, gingerly putting the raw fish into his mouth his lips immediately closing down on his chopsticks and Bucky felt his face flush as they dragged out from his lips. 

He glanced away, quietly chiding himself over it, peeking over to look at Steve’s brows moving in thought as he chewed, Bucky pushed Steve’s hand away from his nose to enjoy the actual flavor. His nostrils flared slightly from the kick of the wasabi but he mainly smiled, letting his eyes open.

“Good?” Bucky looked hopeful, giving him a smile.

Steve only grinned, plucking another piece out of the black take out box, giving it a dip into the tiny pool of sauce before it was popping into his mouth. “Very.”

An annoyed huff escaped the brunette, “Heathen. Don’t put your dirty fingers in my food.”

A wry smile slipped across his lips, picking his food back up, “Oh I’m sure you’ve had worse things go in your mouth.”

Bucky eyes widened, his brows raised in shock, watching Steve lean back, silently laughing to himself. “Okay one, rude. Two, I don’t do that.”

“You don’t?”

Bucky only shrugged, eating silently.

“Wow, you’re not a very reciprocating one night stand.”

Bucky couldn’t help but laugh, “Keeps things easier then doesn’t it? We can’t all be in a relationship with one person can we?”

Steve grinned, giving him a mocking look with a shrug, eating down the rest of his own lunch. He leaned down to give Lucky some head scratches before getting up to throw away their trash. Bucky got up after him and they started walking along the footpath together. He pulled a tennis ball from his pocket, showing it to Lucky before tossing it for him. 

Steve watched Lucky charge off, then come running back with the ball. He held it for the brunette but Bucky gestured at Steve, the canine moving to nudge Steve’s hand with his head instead. He laughed softly, taking the ball and throwing it down the empty field watching Lucky race for it again. He wiped the dog slobber on his pants, grinning.

“You know what we should do again?”

Bucky watched Lucky quietly, a child nearby had picked up the tennis ball and Lucky knelt down waiting for him to throw it. He turned to glance at the blond, “What?”

“The movie dinner thing we did, and the ice cream. That was fun.”

A small pleased noise escaped Bucky, nodding in agreement, “I liked that too, we should definitely do that soon again. I heard the classics theater just got King Kong, we should go see that.”

Steve laughed, pressing a hand to his chest, “With Fay Wray? Oh gosh, I remember wanting to be her so I could wear that evening dress she wore when Kong picks her up.”

Bucky grinned in amusement, crinkling his nose softly, “Really?”

Stooped over in laughter, Steve slapped his knee at the memory, nodding emphatically. 

“We definitely have to go see it then, though you really have no figure for that dress.” Bucky chuckled out, messing up the blond’s hair playfully.

 

They walked back to the brownstone, Bucky stopping at the top of the stoop to see Steve not following after him. He paused with frowned, “Are you not coming in?”

The blond smiled softly with a shake of his head, “I’m going to head to Tony’s. Tell Clint and Natasha I said hi again.”

Bucky nodded, watching him pull his helmet on and start up his bike. He gave Bucky one final wave then took off down the street. He let himself in, taking his shoes off watching Lucky run into the living room. He rounded the corner, immediately grabbed and hoisted onto Brock’s shoulder. 

“Oh my god you shouldn’t be this strong!”

Brock only laughed, “You shouldn’t be this light, Skinny!”

The brunette spun him around a few times before tossing him on the couch, Lucky hopping up on top of Bucky, licking his face quickly. 

He laughed, gently pushing the dog off, shaking his head. “When did you get here?”

The male shrugged, leaning over the back of the couch with a wry grin, “Just got here. Heard the door and had to come say hi.”

“Yeah, nice hi you have there.”

He received a swat to the back of the head, flashing a scowl at the male, “Already getting snippy.”

Natasha raised her head from the stove, “Brock, come here for a minute and come try this sauce out.”

Bucky raised his head when Brock’s head was turned, quickly pulling himself up on the couch. He pressed one foot on the back of it before he pushed off and leaped onto his back. The brunette let out a surprised grunt, hands instinctively holding onto the back of Bucky’s knees, long legs securing themselves around his waist, a rush of laughter escaping from Bucky while Rumlow scrambled and staggered to regain his balance. 

“Oh my fucking God, dammit Bucky!”

Natasha watched them both warily, Lucky barking excitedly around them while Clint’s eyes widened from the arm chair.

Bucky grinned, hugging his neck tighter while he planted a big sloppy kiss on Brock’s temple. “I missed you!”

Brock shook his head, pinching his leg with a small chuckle, “The death of me, Kid. Jesus fucking Christ.”

The brunette finally made his way to the stove, opening his mouth for Nat to bring the coated wooden spoon to his lips. He juggled Bucky to shift his weight a little, Natasha holding the spoon up a little higher for Bucky to taste too and Brock nodded, “Yeah, that’s really good. I taught you well.”

“Oh god Natasha, quit your job and open a restaurant."

She tried not to smile, the corner of her mouth twitching as her face flushed with pride. “Go horse around away from here, I don’t want James' legs knocking things over. Shoo.”

Brock grinned with a nod, charging towards Clint, swiftly turning to drop Bucky and himself on their backs on top of the blond. He let out a yelp, struggling with them as they all fell to the floor with a tangled thud. 

“I was just sitting here minding my own business!”

Bucky laughed, rolling out to sit up, “That’s what I said when you jumped on top of me with Nat."

“Since you three are just laying around now, I need the table set, the salad out of the fridge and the garlic bread cut up please!”

Brock pulled himself to his feet first, cracking his back softly, “You heard the Lady, let’s go.” He put his hands out, tugging Clint and Bucky off the floor, the three of them working quickly to set up for dinner.

 

Finishing off his first plate, Bucky served himself another helping of spaghetti noodles, topping it heavily with sauce. He grabbed the large dish of meatballs before Brock could, earning a scowl in his direction. The brunette opened his mouth to say something in protest then only shook his head with a death glare. 

Clint suddenly smiled, a twinkle in his eye that Bucky knew all too well as him being up to something. He nervously watched the blond, who’s expression was growing brighter. “So, are you excited for Saturday?”

Bucky could only narrow his eyes at him, sprinkling probably way too much Parmesan cheese onto his pasta pretending like he didn’t hear him.

Brock perked up, “Oh yeah that fancy shit party you’re going to with Natasha, right?”

“Not anymore- ouch!” 

Bucky stomped on Clint’s foot then shoveled a mouthful of pasta into his mouth.

The brunette looked at them in confusion, “If ya ain’t going with Nat, who you going with? Clint?”

Natasha politely avoided all eyes, trying not to smirk but sometimes it was fun to see Bucky get into a little trouble, even if it was unnecessary.

“Ha, yeah right. Can you even picture me in a tuxedo, no thank you- ow! Quit that!”

Brock pointed at Bucky suddenly, his eyes narrowing in realization, “Wait, don’t tell me yer going with that Steve guy.”

Clint scooted closer to Natasha, “Of course he is- ow ow owwww!” This time Natasha pulled his earlobe.

“It’s not like it’s a date or nothin’ Rummy, he’s a last minute replacement. Nat has to go to work that night so I asked him. It’s not like you would go with me, or Clint, though now I’m glad I didn’t ask him, Asshole.”

“I dunno if I like this..” He trailed off in midthought, staring off into nothing.

Bucky studied Rumlow carefully, taking a bite of his meatball. Clint rubbed his ear with a pout permanently on his face and Natasha only gave him a small smile. 

She reached over and clasped her hand over Brock’s that had been resting on the table surface, snapping him out of his thoughts. “He’s really nice Brock. You should meet him one of these days.”

He growled lightly under his breath in annoyance, “I’m good with what I have right here. I don’t need to meet other people. Then there’s that Norwegian discotheque that you randomly bring over to my house, for no reason, that I always want to slap in the face and then there’s Rollins but that’s it. That’s all I need.”

Bucky laughed, dropping his fork, “I don’t think Loki is Norwegian.”

“He outta be with that shit he listens to. Do ya know how much remixed Abba he has? Way too fucking much.”

They all broke out in laughter, settling in to finish their meals.

  
  
Bucky jogged up the stairs, stumbling into his bedroom with a groan. 

Mondays suck.

He never was able to understand why the day specifically ended up being the worse day, you could say it was the beginning of a work week but his point of view was askew with that. Instead, he ended up with errands and appointments usually set for only that day like today. He didn’t even get to see Steve for their meet up before he would leave Nat’s place. It had been cute though, getting a ‘miss you’ with an over exaggerated pout on Steve’s face, Sam over his shoulder his eyes wide and an open mouthed smile with his hand held up to wave, the both of them in their work out gear. He never said it, but the gesture kept him from wanting to switch to homicidal tendencies having to deal with all the assholes out downtown.

Bucky locked the door behind him, staying there for a second against the aging wood, his eyes roaming up to his ceiling. He finally pulled off his t-shirt, grabbing the remote off the night table flipping his stereo on to play some New Order. The music soaked into the room, nodding his head to the beat for a few moments before he pulled open his drawer, retrieving a joint from a small bag. He lit it held between his lips, before undoing his pants tossing them to the side. 

He walked through the room in his boxers, laying out on the bed. White feather down almost swallowing him into itself, tilting his head up and away to blow the smoke clear of the covers. He bent his knees, his feet firmly pressed against the soft sheets laying past the blanket. He let the music soak into his bones, letting his eyes close as his mind drifted to thoughts of Steve especially thoughts that he really didn't need in public but now that he was alone..

Bucky's eyes snapped open, turning his head to his phone going off. He reached over to glance at the ID, smoked softly curling out of his mouth before he blew it out entirely. 

“Hey, what’s up?”

Bucky listened to the jarring sound of people chatting and talking, music playing in the background. He took another long drag, resting his ashtray on his chest.

“Hey, nothing really. About to get off work. What are you doing?”

He contemplated, if not for just a second, “Getting high on my bed, what’s new?”

Steve could only laugh, which only made Bucky laugh in return. “Get a job you bum.”

Bucky only laughed harder, “I’d rather do this, unless there was a reason you called.”

“Was going to ask if you wanted to go eat at the diner, or just pick up something and go to my place. I’m starving and I took an energy shot an hour ago, which was stupid but Pietro has them all lined up on the bar telling me to take one whenever I needed one and now I feel all buzzed up. I swear that’s all he drinks down. Anyways, you in?”

Bucky laughed, “I can tell, but yeah I’m in.”

“Great, great! Throw on some clothes and meet me there in an hour?”

“How’d you know I was in my boxers?”

“Had a feeling.”

A smirk grazed his lips, “Do you think a lot about me in my boxers, Rogers?”

All Steve could do was laugh before he managed to catch his breath again, “Yes, that's all I do Buck. See you in an hour.”

“Uh huh.” Bucky shook his head with a grin, hanging up.

He pulled himself up and it was completely stupid but every time Steve called him he felt goofy and giddy. He could already feel his face blushing a little while he pulled out a fresh pair of blue jeans and a white t-shirt. He hopped on one leg to regain his balance trying to get his foot through the leg of his jeans, so distracted he fell into the wall only to laugh at himself.

_Oh my god you’re an adult, stop it._

But could he really? Steve was problematic for Bucky, making him occasionally looking like a human accident, but he was willing to have a few bumps and bruises to spend time with him. He tugged a striped maroon and grey sweater off a hanger, throwing that on with some socks. Raking a hand through his hair in front of the mirror, he pulled his leather jacket on and a black wool knit scarf. His fingers hooked onto the top of his backpack and swiftly managed to avoid tripping over his armchair in the middle of the room tearing out the door ignoring the fact that he was acting like an absolute thirteen year old girl.

 

They ate take out and Steve attempted to calm the jitters he had filling himself with food in hopes it would settle him at least a little. Bucky was pretty sure his bouncing knees were a sign that it wasn’t working.

“God that was such a bad idea. Remind me never to do that again so late.”

Bucky wiped his mouth with a napkin, shaking his head. “You’re fine. You may not sleep for a little while but at least you got company.”

The blond looked over at the television, “Wanna watch something? A movie or maybe there’s a show on? I think I’m going to take a shower, see if hot water helps.”

Bucky absently nodded, “Yeah, go do that I’ll clean up here.”

Clean up only took a few seconds, most of the time spent looking for an actual show to watch. Bucky surfed through a large amount of infomercials and Paid Programming until he eventually found what looked like a horror movie marathon of something. He had lost himself into it ten minutes in before Steve sunk down into the couch beside Bucky, leaning against him with a bowl of popcorn. “What did you find on television?”

Bucky pressed a hand into the side of Steve’s face, scowling because he refused to move. He took a handful of popcorn, gesturing at the screen with the remote. “Is it safe to assume the shower didn’t work on you to calm you down? There’s some eighties slasher movie marathon going on, think it’s all the Jason movies at the moment. By the way there’s a ton of couch over there.”

Steve chewed on a handful of popcorn noisily, “I thought you hated horror movies and I like being here squishing you.” 

“I like old ones. Most of the time, they tend to be funny. Don’t even get me started on horrible seventies ones." 

A huff escaped Bucky, his body pressed into the arm of the seat. It wasn’t painful, it was just digging and then the weight pressed at his other side was annoying but also cute as hell. He would have enjoyed it more if his ribs weren’t so pinned. He reached over and pinched Steve’s arm, receiving a glare in return. Bucky only smiled back at him, turning to see that they were indeed watching Friday the thirteenth. Steve retaliated by shifting and squeezing closer, Bucky releasing an unintentional squeak of a noise that caused the blond to laugh. Bucky reached over and grabbed a few pieces of popcorn, throwing it at his face. A few flew into his gaping, laughing mouth while some fell on the couch after bouncing off his chest.

“Hey! You better be cleaning that up after.”

The brunette shushed him, staring at the screen, Steve scrunched his face a little. He threw a few kernels at his forehead, managing to get one to bounce off Bucky’s nose and another one hit his temple. The brunette looked back and glared, shoving a hand back in his cheek trying to push him away. Steve laughed out, leaning back with Bucky's hand continuing to push him back, his lower half still staying put. He blindly threw some more popcorn at Bucky’s face, only to receive a handful down his shirt.

“Oh! Bucky!” He complained with a random cry feeling a little surprised, trying to shake warm popcorn out of his shirt. 

“No! You started this.” The brunette snapped, continuing to try and shove Steve back. 

Steve tried shoving back, pushing Bucky over the arm of the couch, hearing a yelp escaping him. “Steve!”

Bucky pulled his hand off Steve’s face, causing the blond to push harder which only helped the brunette to wiggle over the arm of the couch and fall on his head onto the floor in a heap. He laid on his back, huffing out a breath as he glanced at Steve’s face looking down at him with a grin.

“You are aware that I hate you, right?”

The blond flashed him a cheesy grin, getting comfortable in the spot Bucky had sat in. Bucky rolled himself to his side, watching the movie from the floor. He glanced up when a single popcorn bounced off his head and onto the floor in front of him. He raised a brow at Steve then went back to the movie without a peep.

“Aw Bucky, come sit with me. You’re making me lonely here on my own.”

“Tough shit.”

“Bucckkyyyy..”

Bucky ignored him, focusing on the movie.

Steve shifted above him, leaning over the couch to prod him, “Bucky.”

A twitch of a smile crept across his face but he didn't move, instead he kept letting Steve prod him ignoring him completely. It wasn’t until he heard Steve wiggle a little above him then completely fall on him that Bucky laughed and he laughed hard. He had no idea why, but it should have been the opposite of humor feeling the solid mass sharply hit his shoulder and side then flop off him and land on his back like a child. Steve grinned stupidly at him and Bucky just couldn’t deal. 

His laugh died down enough to roll over onto his stomach, his left arm tucked under him as he rubbed his right shoulder. “I think you broke my shoulder, yet I’m laughing.”

“You weren’t paying attention to me though.” Answering as if it was a valid enough reason. He reached over and gently rubbed the spot which Bucky allowed, relaxing to it.

He pressed his cheek into the wood flooring, sighing lightly at the feel of Steve’s soothing touch. “I still hate you though, this isn’t me relenting.”

“Aw but Bucky.”

“No, you took my seat, now I have to live on this floor like a pleb.”

Steve laughed, pulling himself up to sit, “You can have your seat back. I’ll be good, I promise.”

“Are you sure?”

“Should I remind you that I can easily pick you up anyway?”

He groaned, pulling himself up, “I hate that you can do that. Don’t remind me.”

 

Bucky kicked off the covers in the middle of the night, sitting up to pull his t-shirt off. Steve was fast asleep on his back next to him, the warmth of his body and the heat setting driving him up the wall. He sleepily got up to look for the heater settings finding it set too high for his liking. He groaned softly, turning it low before shuffling towards and into the kitchen. He opened the fridge taking out a bottle of water, standing there for a long moment to cool his body down a little. He looked towards the room with no clear idea of how Steve was sleeping through all of the heat, his hand idly fixing his flop of bedhead as he drank quickly. 

He moved back to the bedroom, laying on his back on the bed without the covers, his eyes staring up at the ceiling picking up a weird cast of light from outside.

Steve shifted to his side, looking at him blearily, “I thought you left.”

Bucky tucked his hands behind his head, glancing over at the blond, “Why would I leave in the middle of the night?”

Steve let out a long tired breath, yawning loudly, “I have no idea, does it look like I have lucid thoughts in the middle of the night?”

Bucky smiled, “It was too hot, went to get some water. Your heat was set pretty high.”

“Explains why you’re not wearing a shirt.”

“What? Don’t like my sexy physique?”

Steve laughed into his pillow, rolling over away from Bucky, “Night Buck.”

Bucky chuckled under his breath, “Night Asshole.”

He watched Steve’s back for a little while before his head turned back to the ceiling, not sure if he could go back to sleep anytime soon. He reached for his phone, flipping through missed texts, a few from Johnny inviting him to come out and drink with him, eventually the light offer switched into a couple of messages obvious messages for sex until he finally gave up. A couple of unknown caller texts had popped up with various lewd messages he chose to just simply delete, his eyes glancing over at Steve’s sleeping back before going back to his phone. The last text was from Clint, a picture attached of Lucky laying curled up on the couch looking at Clint with his one good eye not interested in the slice of pizza sitting next to him, the caption saying _‘Apparently someone misses you so much they don’t want their pizza.’_

Bucky smiled fondly, making a note to himself to stop by tomorrow sometime in the daytime if he could, Lucky missing him wasn’t entirely one sided. He loaded up one of his application games, Steve turning back around to face him, “Why are you still awake?”

Bucky raised a brow, “Why are you? I thought you were asleep.”

He shrugged slightly, “I could see the light from your phone, made me wonder if you were actually going to stay awake or go back to sleep.”

“Soon, just letting myself cool down a little.” He reached for the last of his water, drinking it down in one go. “Am I bothering you? I could go to the living room, you’re the one that gets up at ungodly hours.”

Steve lifted his face off the pillow with a snort, “Seven in the morning isn’t ungodly.”

“It is for me.” He paused when his phone rang, brows furrowing before he hit the ignore button.

Steve rolled over onto his back with a small groan, scratching his stomach tiredly, “Who’s calling you right now?”

The phone rang again and Bucky tossed it over to Steve, “Johnny.”

Steve raised a brow, glancing at it before a small smirk crept over his face, “Is that why it says _Asshole_?”

Bucky mused turning over to his side, tucking his left arm under his head, “What do you think?”

“You’re cold Barnes, really cold.”

“He called himself Sex Machine or something. He knows I changed it to Asshole, its an old joke and he thinks its hilarious. Answer it, you won’t be disappointed.”

Steve scoffed, his eyes roaming back on the phone before he looked back at Bucky who only smirked with a nod of his head. Curiosity got the best of Steve, glancing one more time at his friend before answering and putting it on speaker.

“Bucky?”

Bucky rolled onto his stomach, tilting his head to the phone between them, “Hey.”

“Did you put me on speaker phone?”

The brunette glanced at Steve, smiling coyly, “I did. What’s up?”

“You know what’s up. I’ve been trying to get a hold of you all fucking night! I’m so damn drunk, I need you Buck. If you come over right now I’ll live off your dick the whole night, promise.”

Steve almost choked, shoving the blanket over his mouth to mask it though the cat was out of the bag, Bucky dropped his face against his arm, laughing helplessly, his and Steve’s eyes never leaving each other. 

“Buck? What the hell? Are you with someone right now, shit.”

He rolled his eyes, “Shut up, it’s only Steve. Steve say hi.”

Steve worriedly looked back at Bucky, the light of the phone making his eyes look pale and illusory. He finally leaned in a little, “Hey.”

A small laugh escaped Storm, “Hey Stevveee..Buck, can you still here me..?”

“Yeah, what’s up?”

“If you bring Steve too, I’ll stay on both your dicks.”

Steve’s eyes widened, blushing furiously.

“My god Johnny! You need to go to bed!” Bucky almost broken down in his laughter, shaking his head lightly.

The brunette didn’t seem too fazed, chuckling on the phone a bit, “I seriously don’t need any sleep. Both of you can keep me awake, damn Steve you’re built like a brick house my friend, who would not want to tap or get tapped by you?!”

The blond muttered something that neither male could make out, the blanket so far over his head that Bucky could only smirk about it.

“You made Stevie blush, you happy? I’m going to bed, bye.”

Johnny huffed obstinately, ending the call.

Steve finally peeked over, Bucky laughing into his pillow til he got a retaliatory poke in his ribs. “You’re such a Jerk.”

“Oh my god,” He swatted Steve’s hand away, rubbing his bare side. “You’re the one that answered it. I said you wouldn’t be disappointed.”

He widened his eyes to express just how flustered he really was, tossing the blanket aside in frustration. He picked up the phone and lightly tossed it against Bucky’s back, “I didn’t know it meant he was going to outright proposition me!”

Taking the phone and tucking it away on the night table, Bucky couldn’t help but laugh harder, grinning at Steve, “You are aware of what we do right? This isn’t some weird world where I didn’t tell you a few times that we really aren’t friends. Of course he’s going to ask you, you’re hot if you didn’t know that by now.”

The was a tug in Bucky, an internal alarm that felt like he shouldn’t have admitted to what he just admitted to but he realized in hindsight that it was alright to. He did call him gorgeous the first day back together and he said a few compliments that didn’t hide that Steve was frankly way too good looking for his own good.

Steve only blushed harder, chuckling softly. “I think we should go to bed, and forget about Johnny for the night.”

Bucky sleepily smiled, nodding in agreement. He slipped his arms under the pillow playfully winking at the blond, “Night.”

“You’re so awful, goodnight.”

 

Steve managed to wake up just two minutes before seven hit him shutting his alarm off gratefully. He sat up with the rub of his eyes, looking over to Bucky fast asleep on his back still in only his Christmas pants and the corner of the blanket across his upper chest. His head was turned completely against the side of the pillow away from him with his hands pressed against his stomach. It was weird to the blond just how he looked, like he didn’t have a worry to his name. He wasn’t sure if it was just him waking up or if he was picking up on Bucky’s progressing comfort level. He shrugged, getting up to quickly freshen up and get ready for Sam. 

The took the morning to head to the gym, Steve had been slacking so much recently and consuming way too much junk with Bucky in the picture that he finally admitted it to Sam in the not so graceful way of accidentally asking him if they could stop by and get a burger after the run instead of a normal breakfast. The brunette immediately threw out twenty questions about his routine lately and pointed out that he was hoping he had started catching up on Steve with their runs. It wasn’t like Steve _looked_ any different but he had always demanded Sam watch his back because he wanted to keep on it. He wasn’t always strong and fit, vowing when he was skinny and tiny to take better care of himself if he didn’t die before puberty hit him and he passed that morsel of information to his other best friend, making him promise he wouldn’t back down from it.

After a long and strenuous workout that Sam made sure Steve was going to feel the next few days, they came back to the apartment to see if Bucky had woken up and have a coffee and a muffin before they decided anything further.

“So how is it for you, taking part time classes and your internship?”

Sam settled in across from Steve, caressing the hot mug of coffee he was handed. Steve himself sat down with his own coffee, a paper bag between them.

“Not too bad, sometimes it’s really tiring with them together but I can work through it. I got friends who love to goof around so- ”

Steve nodded with a grin as he was speaking, taking a sip of his coffee, but Sam only hesitated when he saw Steve glance up and look past him, Sam catching the brightening of the blond’s eyes. Steve pulled out one of the jumbo muffins from the bakery bag, placing it on top of a folded paper towel on the edge of the table then handed one to Sam and then himself. The brunette watched Steve curiously with the food for a second before he partially turned in his chair to look behind him and that’s when he saw Bucky saunter in from the hallway with a mess of hair, no shirt and his bluish-purple Christmas pants barely hanging off his hips. Sam was pretty sure it was his own hopes and worry that kept them up there on Bucky in the first place.

Sam took a cursory glance at Steve to see if this was anything but odd considering and the blond barely batted an eye, peeling away the backing of a muffin wrapper. Bucky’s eyes were barely open, squinting slightly with his bare feet almost sliding on the floor as he passed by them without a look, going straight for the single serve coffee maker.

Sam had confusion written all over his face, turning back around in his chair to watch Bucky paw for a mug blindly in the cabinet, sticking it under the drip. He moved a hand into the utensil drawer for a couple of tablespoons. 

“Morning Buck.”

A low heavy grunt escaped him in reply, head bowed like he was trying to sleep the few minutes while coffee was brewing. He suddenly snapped up to add milk and sugar, taking the peanut butter jar from the cabinet to scoop out a large spoonful. 

He paused, tilting his head towards the table, “I used a spoon, Steve.” 

He stuck it in his mouth, taking the steaming mug back out of the kitchen and absently took the blueberry muffin held out for him, returning to the bedroom. 

“That was Barnes.”

“Yes.”

“Half naked coming out of your bedroom Steve.”

“Yes? Is that a question or a comment?”

“Steve.”

“At least he’s not naked?”

“ _Steve_.” His voice was firm this time.

The blond huffed out, “What do you want me to say? That it’s weird? It’s not to me. It’s sure as heck not to him, so what’s wrong with it?”

Sam drew in a deep breath, resting his elbows on the table top surface, running his hands across his face deliberately slow, his head lightly shaking. “You two..are _weird_. There’s nothing going on?”

A shrug came out from Steve, holding his mug in the air, “I would have told you if there was?” 

He wasn’t entirely sure why he had to explain it. He was pretty sure Sam knew him better than he knew himself.

The brunette sighed again looking uncomfortable and definitely not the end of whatever point he was trying to make but he stopped and only lifted his mug again, taking a long thoughtful sip. 

Steve could only helplessly shrug, picking off a bit of his muffin to pop in his mouth.

  
  
It was finally the night of the party and Steve suddenly felt really nervous. He ran his fingers along the raised gold lettering on the invitation staring at it pensively. He had been standing and staring at himself in front of the bathroom mirror for over ten minutes, the invitation waiting patiently on the counter.  
His eyes wandered to the specks of water stains on the mirror that he hadn’t cleaned off feeling comparable at that moment. He glanced over to his phone when it went off, a picture of Bucky looked exceptionally annoyed popping up. Steve still couldn’t remember what happened at that moment the picture was taken but it was worth it, he looked like a sulking child in an adult male body and it never failed to make him laugh. 

He hit the speaker, fastening his cufflinks on, “Hey Buck, are you there already?”

“Yeah, are you about to leave?”

Steve nodded, then realized he couldn’t see him, “Yeah I’m about to leave in five minutes. Tux is on, my hair doesn’t look like I just woke up. Fresh breath. My shoes are shined. Eat your heart out James Bond.” 

Bucky snorted, “Just for your information though _James_ , there are a lot of local artists and gallery owners coming so if you want to rub some elbows, I suggest you double check on your local art history.”

Steve made no attempt to hide his displeasure, “Bucky! You decided to tell me this when I’m about to head that way?”

“I know, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize there was a larger amount of ‘em, I assumed it was just a few with the rest of the group being stereotypical people trying to just look good at a party and pretend they care about raising money.”

Steve went to continue his tirade, the nervous giddiness kicking inside of him when his phone beeped for the other line, the cab company informing him of his ride arriving.

“Shit Buck, I have to go. You’ll be at the bar right?”

“Yep, see you there.”

“I so hate you right now.”

“I know, I still like you though.”

Steve let out a loud scoff before hanging up knowing Bucky was smiling wide and cheesy til the call ended.

 

Steve noticed the closer the cab got to their destination, the more nervous he was. He didn’t know anyone except Bucky and that was all well and good but what if he was asked things he should know about. What would he talk about with folks and Bucky wasn’t there? There was only so much you could say about the weather or how the so and so team was doing. Who was he kidding? Who talks sports during a fundraiser gala? Rich people probably talked about how much their new house or car was. He tried to recall conversations Tony held but Tony had his work to lean back on. Always charming and a brain to boot. 

The blond sighed out, patting the inside breast pocket of his tuxedo, feeling the invitation for the sixtieth time. His palms felt clammy and sweaty, pressing them down on his thighs. Why was he so damn nervous? Oh right because Bucky happened to tell him many art enthusiasts would be present and he should network. How the hell could he network when they figure out he lived in a shoebox apartment and he only got invited because he was a last minute invite. Yeah that’s real swell, thanks for the advice Buck.

The cab slowed to a crawl, following a few other cars pulling up at a gated entrance with a guard sitting at the booth looking unimpressed while he read a book. The gate was wide open allowing all to enter, a plaque marking Hubbard against the brick wall that lined the estate was poised prominently next to it. They drove up a long smooth dirt road that inclined slightly before entering a large circular roundabout with an impressively large fountain running at the center. Valets waited at the front entryway, taking cars to park them off and help ladies out. A couple men were at the doorway checking invitations and greeting guests in what was one of the biggest mansions he had ever been to, save for Tony of course. 

The cabbie pulled up and his door was opened, Steve pulling out some bills for the driver before climbing out.

“Good evening sir.”

He smiled at the man as he pulled down his tuxedo jacket, smoothing himself out and giving himself a quick overlook before stepping in with the crowd milling towards the double door entryway of a European style stone manor that literally made him feel like he was anywhere but the United States. The stonework was slate grey, a soft red roof, the doors embroidered with wrought iron details. 

He followed the guests in the flow, retrieving his card out. Now his nervousness coming out in full force. He really hoped Bucky was at the bar as he promised, his phone in his coat pocket immediately available if not. He would not be able to deal all by himself with ladies in mink stoles and real diamond jewelry. Men with real gold watches and cars he had only seen in magazines. 

He handed his invitation to one of the men at the door and quickly was gestured to go inside. He gave a curt nod before he was following the crowd into a brightly lit main hall and he stopped to soak it all in. He was pretty sure the chandeliers were real crystal and the floor all marble. Cream colored walls held curtained tapestries and paintings moving up the staircase. He wanted to examine them but there were men at guard to deter people from wandering off into other parts of the manor, the flow of the crowd turning towards the right to a wide open ballroom. A stage was set up at the far end, cream tablecloth with specks of gold trim; the centerpieces were tall glass vases, bursting with white calla lilies surrounded by three smaller glass vases filled with what he assumed was golden sand with white drowning flowers and floating candles. Dishes and glasses were all simple yet elegant, white with inlaid details that weren’t assuming or over the top. 

He pressed on, avoiding the men taking pictures of guests, spying the bar at the opposite end of the ballroom. He skirted around the guests milling around with no plans to move, the opposite side of the room from the entryway branched off to a secondary room that was dimly lit and smaller. He curiously looked inside, seeing that it led on out to the side area of the back lawns, the room itself lined with small round tables with large ashtrays and dark wide Banquette benches and Ottoman’s. 

He continued on towards the large floor to ceiling bar, almost freezing when he spied Bucky leaning casually against the bar as he sat on a stool holding a glass of champagne in his hand while he politely addressed whoever was speaking to him. One long leg rested at his heel on the floor, the other perched at the rail on the stool. His deep chocolate brown hair slick back, the perfect cut of his custom tailored tuxedo more than took Steve’s breath away. It fit his long, lean frame like nothing else he could really compare to. He finished it off with a pair of smooth polished black Oxfords. This was the same Bucky that could barely bother changing from a torn hoodie and biker boots he never really properly laced up half the time. 

Steve felt a lump in his throat, his mouth opened slightly wanting to say something but nothing came out even though he wasn’t even in the brunette’s hearing range anyway. Bucky laughed softly, his eyes bright, his nose crinkling a little. He scanned the crowd before dark grey blues caught Steve; a wide shy smile spread across his features before he dropped his head as if he suddenly became completely bashful. He said a few words, glancing up at the person he was talking to and the person nodded quickly, giving him a light tap at his upper arm before he walked back into the crowd. 

Steve took his cue, picking up his feet to walk quickly towards Bucky. They said nothing for a moment, Bucky glancing at Steve’s shoes then up at him again and Steve wondered if looks could kill, Bucky would have surely eaten him alive. Eyes smoldering, a corner of his mouth tugging into a smirk, his cheeks a soft flush of plush pink. 

“Didn’t know I could clean up this well did ya, Rogers?”

The thing was, Steve really didn’t think he _could_ clean up that well. He knew Bucky would look decent but Steve really had to admit this to himself, _drop dead gorgeous_ was not in the list of things he planned to think when he saw him. He looked like he could do anything in that tuxedo and _not_ mess up his hair. Like he was born in that suit. 

Bucky eyes roved from Steve’s patent leather shoes and up along his tuxedo again, taking his time to soak in the details.

“Steve, you look..” There were numerous things Bucky wanted to say about how he looked. _Fuckable_ was one of them. Of course he didn’t, his smile widened as he clapped his hands on his forearms, “Amazing. You look really amazing.”

That was the understatement of the night. Steve looked like a god more than he usually did. His tailored black tuxedo was hugging his body like a smooth glove, there was no way his muscles had a chance of hiding under how snug he fit into it. His brilliant blues coming out brighter in contrast, nervously chewed full bottom lip a gentle red, his brown tinged beard that he had let grow out a little was trimmed short and neat, Bucky had to be extra careful not to have his hands all over him through the night because all he really wanted to do was press him down on a bed and take his sweet time stripping him naked. He drew his hands away, feeling his heart racing as he pulled himself to his feet. 

Steve glanced around, fascinated by the room and the subtle details. “I am definitely going to get drunk out of my mind tonight and live like I’m made of money. Heck I’m not paying for it. What I would do to live in a place like this.”

Bucky snorted then laughing softly, “It’s way too much if you ask me. I prefer simple and quiet. Give me you guys and some pizza and we’re good. Maybe a few good movies, some snacks and a blanket. That’s life right there.”

The blond looked at him with a wide smile, “I’d love that too but imagine being rich and getting whatever you want. We could probably order anything we wanted, and live in our pajamas all day in a room decorated with giant pillows. Nothing to worry about. A big theater screen and probably have a popcorn machine in the corner. It would be amazing. Just what we did now but expanded upon.”

He grinned, “I think I prefer your blanket fort.”

A photographer made their way over and Bucky let out a low short laugh, pressing a hand against the small of Steve’s back to turn him around, “We gotta smile for the cameras, Rogers.”

Steve turned in surprise, he quickly wrapped am arm around Bucky’s shoulders with a wide cheerful grin while the photographer took a few quick snaps, “Thanks Mr. Barnes, is this your date for the night?”

Bucky dropped his head and laughed, shaking it, “No Paul, this is one of my best friends, Steve Rogers. He decided to keep me company tonight.”

Steve turned to look at him over the best friend comment, a pleased smile over his face. He could agree quite safely that he could easily reciprocate the standing back to him.

The man smiled and scribbled in his small tiny notebook, “Is that Rogers with a D?”

“Uh no, it’s just Rogers, G-E-R-S. No D.”

Bucky bit back the giant urge to blurt out _not yet anyway_.

A hand brushed over his mouth to keep himself from laughing any louder. 

The photographer thanked them again and ran off to take more pictures. 

“What was that about?"

Bucky shrugged lightly, “Some local news event stuff, happens every time there’s a party.”

“You two seem pretty chummy.”

Bucky turned, picking up one of the champagne flutes off a tray, handing it over to Steve. “That’s because I am. Paul has, let’s just say, caught me a few times in ways I shouldn’t be in a party and he never got me in trouble for it. Life would be worse if he did and believe me, it’s always best to see me at my worse, for them at least.”

He nodded, sipping at his champagne slowly, studying Bucky. He wasn’t able to shake the feeling he was completely missing something and it was something so obvious that he should have gotten it by now. He furrowed his brows deep in thought before widening his eyes, “Your parents!”

The brunette raised a brow in confusion, “Uh, what about them?”

“Didn’t you say they were going to be here?”

“They are here, somewhere.” 

Bucky looked around, his index finger lightly tapping Steve’s shoulder to point out a woman of some European decent that he assumed was Romanian with soft waves of dark brown mid-back length hair swept forward to one side over her shoulder in front of her. Dark brown eyes and ruby red lips smiling occasionally with her arm draped on a man next to her. She wore a black body hugging low cut backless gown that ran all the way down sweeping at the floor. Long fitted sleeves ran from wrist to shoulders, the dress clasped together behind her neck. She looked barely thirty and Steve was mildly confused. "That's..your mom?"

"Please, no mom jokes." Bucky muttered with a roll of his eyes before taking another sip of champagne.

Steve didn't even have that in mind, his mind trying to grasp the biology over a woman that looked like that having a son in his early twenties. His hand gesturing in front of his chest not exactly sure of how to ask for more information but Bucky only mused at his surprise, "She's in her late thirties, so yes. It is safe to wonder if that's really my mother or my sister." 

Next to her was a man that was way too obvious in resemblance to an older version of Bucky. Eastern European, hair slicked back dressed in a form fitting tuxedo with a sharp chiseled jawline complete with a deep cleft in his chin and gunmetal grey eyes narrowed and calculating towards whatever he was listening to while talking to another guest. The comparison was uncanny and if Bucky hadn't pointed him out, he would have asked if that was his father. The man was all business though, never cracking any sort of smile at any time Steve had looked over.

"Are your parents models?" He blurted it out before he could even think. These were tabloid ready people, dressed to kill and never caught with their worse moments. 

They seemed like the complete opposite of Bucky.

“My mom was.” He shrugged, the pair of them watching them break from the group they were talking with, turning and walking towards the stage.

Steve furrowed his brows, gears turning in his head. “Wait, wait.” 

Bucky turned, finishing off his drink, curiously looking at him while Steve mulled over everything in his head. He had no idea what the blond was going on about, slipping a hand casually into his pants pocket.

Steve watched the couple get to the stage, Bucky’s mother taking to the stage and introducing herself as Winifred Hubbard and suddenly Steve looked at Bucky like he was a ghost that had just revealed himself out of the blue.

“This is your party. This is your house, no, _mansion_! Oh my god!”

Bucky narrowed his eyes, clearly not understanding the severity of Steve’s plight or if there ever was one. “I don’t understand what you’re freaking out about and this is my parent’s party, not mine.”

He pressed a hand into his forehead, “Bucky, I’ve been standing here making an ass out of myself gushing about being rich. I must have sounded so stupid.”

“You always sound stupid, it’s alright.”

Steve reached over, pinching his arm in retaliation, Bucky giving him a surprised look before a third person slapped their hands onto their arms, “Look what we have here!”

_Oh my fucking god._

Bucky’s throat went dry, his mouth gaping open for a few seconds before he closed it and straightened himself up. “Stark.”

“Tony!” Steve all but yelled out, throwing his arms around his neck. “You never told me you were going to be here!”

The brunette grinned as he hugged him back, his brows raised, “And you never told me you were going to be here.”

Steve smiled widely, looking past him at Bruce looking completely uncomfortable in his tuxedo, standing next to a blond in a slinky long pearl colored dress his smile faltering slightly when Banner made no physical contact with her which only meant one thing. He looked at Tony, “You brought a date.”

Tony waved his hand dismissively, “Oh she’s the daughter of the president of something something. I can hardly remember, the apple of someone’s eye that’s a family friend of dear old dad’s. Banner and I had some time to come chat up some backers and investors, figured we would bring her along and let her get acquainted, mainly with me but you know.”

The male let out a laugh and Bucky couldn’t help but roll his eyes. One of the servers hurried over to Bucky’s side, leaning in to whisper in his ear, Bucky’s lips forming a soft frown then he nodded, “Give me a second.”

The server nodded, running back towards some unknown direction, Bucky releasing a heavy sigh, “I have to go take care of some things in the kitchen before my mom finds out, she’ll just make it worse. Uh, enjoy yourselves.”

Steve gave him a faint goodbye and watched him disappear, turning to smile at Tony again. Even with a blond bimbo hovering around them, he was glad to see the brunette, his arm tucking into the crook of his.

 

The kitchen wasn’t on fire at least and the time he had to take in there flowed into dinner time. By the time he got out, the house lights had been changed to a softer dimmer lighting and all the tables that were placed down the center were efficiently taken out and put away to clear room for the dancing from the live band. Bucky walked past the row of tables against the wall for anyone wishing not to be up and about, he had lost track of where Steve was a long time ago and so there wasn’t much else he could really do unless another problem came up. 

Bucky grabbed another glass of champagne at the bar, sipping at it idly as he sat on the bar stool looking at the back splash behind the bar. 

"Bucky."

Bucky looked over, Steve standing beside him. God he looked so damn good in his damn tux, Bucky was going to die from just that fact, he swore it. The way he licked his lips, the idea of his soft beard of dirty blond just rubbing against his neck.

Bucky shook the thoughts out of his head, blinking a few times before he put his glass down. "Hey Steve! How are you liking the party?"

Steve shifted in, facing the brunette, settling himself between the stool Bucky was sitting at and the one beside him, resting his arm against the bar top. Bucky shifted back in his seat a bit, Steve pressing his muscular legs into Bucky’s without a care in the world. 

_You're killing me here._

Steve smiled, it was soft and genuine and Bucky just wanted to stare all day. Instead he turned to his champagne glass, his fingers lightly running along the damp condensation prickling on the outside. He looked back at the blond when Steve reached over to the glass, fingers lightly brushing past his as he picked it up and drank the rest of it. He turned to the bar a little to grab another flute, sliding it across the wood into Bucky's hand. 

"Feeling a little nervous and overwhelmed. Lots of important people here, especially with the art world. Would be great to network but some of these people are absolutely amazing you know? I feel like I want to talk to them and then I just suddenly want to throw up."

Bucky swallowed down the heavy lump in his throat, nodding slowly feeling the heat climb through him. Steve hadn't bothered moving his hand when he gave him a new drink, warm knuckles casually pressed against his. It was taking every effort in him to not run his fingers against his hands, admire them like he always did from afar. 

Bucky managed to let out an agreeable grunt, looking at their hands.

Steve glanced out at the party, his eyes bright and amused with a child-like fascination. He turned back to Bucky, their gaze meeting again, "That and I wanted to say thank you. For inviting me as your plus one."

Bucky finally pulled away, picking up the glass and taking a long sip. He laughed, flashing him a grin, "Some plus one. You stood me up as soon as your boyfriend appeared."

A soft pink blush appeared across the blond's face, "You never told me he was going to be here. Half the time he's busy smoozing anyway."

The brunette smirked, "I didn't even know he was invited. It's not my party. Plus I'm pretty sure he doesn't even come to most of them, so its just a fluke."

Steve finally grabbed his own glass of champagne, taking a small thoughtful sip, “Well thank you nonetheless even if I’m an awful plus one. You really do look nice tonight though.” 

Bucky smiled in amusement, trying to ward off the piquing shyness washing over him. Steve stared at the slight knowing glint in his eyes, “Well thank you. I won’t make a joke about it this time.”

Steve gave him a grateful smile. They sipped their champagne in silence, basking in the warmth of their mutual comfort level.

Tony downed his champagne, tugging back a server that had been passing by, “Hey honey, can you grab me something stronger than this? Something dark, skip the water and the ice. Hell bring me the whole bottle if you can, it’s a party.” 

He had completely ignored whatever conversation was going on, finally spying where his ridiculously handsome boyfriend was. He glanced over at his hand, wishing he had a drink or hopefully have one soon. He was pretty sure he had downed enough to possibly think that their cushy stance together was merely just friends talking. He wasn’t sure exactly. He reached over to tug at the coat jacket of Bruce’s, causing the male to stop in midsentence with a few people listening to him explain one of the many projects Stark Industries had been working on. As usual it was something not very important but easy to toss out for conversation. Bruce gave Tony a glare but he wasnt looking anymore at this point, instead he was back to scrutinizing and looking for that server he had told to get him some liquor. 

“Excuse me please.” Bruce kindly let out, absolving himself from the group, letting them get back to whatever conversations they were holding before he was there. Silently Bruce was glad to get out of there, not a fan of being at a fundraising party in the first place. He liked the quiet, he liked working. It was calm and soothing. 

He stood beside Tony, glancing around, “So why were you tugging at my sleeve Tony?”

The girl finally came back, serving Tony a glass of whiskey neat. He took it with a wide smile, raising his brows at her appreciatively. Bruce only rolled his eyes, smoothing out his suit jacket. Wondering how long they had to keep staying here.

Tony finally looked towards his friend, shrugging casually, “Oh no reason. You looked like you were drowning.”

Banner made a soft sound in acknowledgment, looking around the room til he spied Steve and Bucky, “Or were you worried your boyfriend was looking at someone else?”

Tony gulped down his whiskey, his free hand gesturing dismissively at Bruce while the brunette only looked at him with a brow raised. He watched Tony set the glass on a passing server’s tray, fully turning to face Bruce, “Banner I’m surprised at you. You know I trust Steve completely. I’m not worried about him looking at someone else.”

Bruce turned back to the bar, watching the pair chatting and grinning to each other. He really saw nothing quite wrong, an obvious groan escaping him, “Good because you would be imagining things.” Though the fact that Steve had pressed himself between two stools to talk was probably what was setting Tony’s alarms off.

He watched Tony grab another glass of champagne, downing it quickly. He always wondered where he packed it all, “Also you’re acting agitated because you’ve probably over exaggerated everything in your head like you usually do when you’re drinking.”

Tony dramatically pressed a hand to his chest, widening his eyes at his friend. The brunette softly scoffed back at him, removing his glasses to wipe them with his handkerchief with a shake of his head. 

“I should probably go save him, he looks really bored."

“Right, he looks like he’s drowning and needs you to save him."

Tony ignored the snide comments, approaching the both of them with a wide smile. He gently pulled Steve away from the stools to freely slide his hand around his boyfriend’s waist, leaning in by his ear, “How about we go find a private place so I can peel that tuxedo off you, hm Handsome?"

Steve blushed, ducking his head at Tony’s comment. His blue eyes swept over to look over at Bucky, the brunette stopping all breathing to take in the minor second to watch his lashes with the backdrop of his eyes. A slow burn of a smile spread across his face, giving Steve a nod, “I’ll see you later Steve."

The dirty blond could only nod to him, letting Tony tug him away with Bruce.

Winifred approached Bucky from the side, tugging him off his stool. “Would it hurt you to go around and say hello to our guests instead of sitting here at the bar talking to random people that approach you even if that was Tony Stark. It’s the opposite of being a gracious host.”

He stared at her trying not to look pained. He allowed her to hem and haw over the details of his tuxedo, picking up tiny imperfections that were nonexistent problems like his bowtie being slightly crooked or his button not secured correctly on his jacket and then muttering something about his cufflinks. 

She turned him around in a full circle then nodded with a click of her tongue, “I guess that’ll have to do. Now go play nice. Go.”

“Yes _mother_.” He gave her a petulant look before disappearing into the crowd.

 

Bucky smiled and nodded, not exactly listening to the conversation before him but taking body posture and facial signals as moments to nod or laugh. His eyes scanned the crowd, spying Steve’s eyes looking over at him with a smile. Bucky smirked, giving him a wink knowing exactly why he was looking his way standing near a group of older women. Poor sweetheart Steve. He was mercilessly pulled into the pool of woman fawning over his body and he couldn’t skirt himself out of it. 

Steve turned his head after one of the ladies rested her arm on his bicep faking the need to get his attention in reality using it as an excuse to feel his muscles through the tuxedo. He smiled widely, nodding to the group of women, having a laugh a quick moment later. Bucky sipped his champagne lazily, watching the show. He really loved Steve in that outfit, the intense blue of his eyes driving him crazy. They were striking even from a distance and he really had nothing to say about how goddamn magnificent he looked. He was just handsome as hell, the charm and confidence he carried with it completely exuded from him. 

Steve showing up in that tux was just torture, why did he have to invite him? It was hard for him to contain himself as he watched the blond politely carrying on a conversation with the gaggle of ladies. Every now and then he would catch Bucky looking and those eyes alone were making it hard to breathe.

Steve laughed again, tilting his head back, a hand momentarily pressing into his chest. Bucky could barely keep his own straight face, his eyes darting to the guests he was standing by but they didn’t worry about his lack of conversation. He wasn’t sure where Tony had gone to, leaving Steve by himself but most likely wrangling guests (or the other way around) with Dr. Banner somewhere. 

He felt eyes on him, turning back towards Steve again. He looked at him with a soft pleading gaze, his lips shaping a gentle pout before his eyes darted back to the ladies, smiling endearingly to another comment directed towards him. He met Bucky’s eyes one more time mouthing a _please_ and Bucky felt his heart race. His mouth suddenly dry, his breath hitching. He wasn’t sure about it entirely, but he felt like he would kill a man if Steve asked him in that manner. 

He sighed out softly, shaking himself out of it. He drifted through the throngs of people pausing just outside of the half circle of women around Steve. 

“Oh, so these are the ladies my best friend had abandoned me for.” His tone was an enthralling mix of flirtatious and cordial. He had years of working the crowd with it.

A giggle of laughter rang out, one of the women pressing their hand playfully against Bucky’s chest, “Oh James! Always the sweet talker.”

Steve felt relieved the brunette had come to his rescue. He watched Bucky flash her a smile, a hint of seduction laced into it, his bottom lip disappearing momentarily before appearing again moistened with his tongue and flushed red as he continued talking. A soft laugh escaped him, his gaze sweet and enchanting, laying the charm on thick and the women were all eating it up out of his hand. Steve could only shake his head, all the attention he was juggling was quickly steered to Bucky and Steve was suddenly invisible. He was also pretty sure they were all well aware of him being gay which only made it more intriguing. Steve was charmed just by that, curious if they were interested in seeing if they could turn him if they gave him a chance as if that was even an option. He took a sip of his beer, watching Bucky chat up the ladies, their eyes occasionally meeting and Steve couldn’t help but smile when they did.  
“Now if you excuse me ladies, I have to introduce Steve to some friends of mine.”

There were a murmur of disappointment, the same older woman that had been touching Steve’s arm now rested a hand on Bucky’s, “Come back later Darling and make sure you bring your toy back with you.”

Bucky smirked, giving her a wink, “I will Mrs. Hamilton.”

Steve raised a brow, letting himself get ushered from the group, making their way through the crowd. Bucky grinned at his confused face and nodded, “Yeah, they’re pretty sure I only brought you because we’re fucking.”

Steve flushed, not being able to help the laugh come out of him, “I’m afraid to ask.”

The pair of them ducked through the crowd and entered the smoking room, Steve falling into the plush Banquette bench closest to them. Bucky collapsed beside him, draping his arms across the back of the lounger, extending his legs out, “Mmm that feels good.” His head fell back, closing his eyes. 

Steve mimicked the same gesture as Bucky had, overlapping his arm over his friends the pair not noticing Tony catching them from the far side while he and Bruce had somehow managed to run into some investors they were in acquaintance with. 

Tony lost track of the conversation he was in when he saw them together again, his eyes deliberately watching Steve sitting an arm’s length away but his index finger lightly traced Bucky’s sharp jawline, his head turning to say something to the male. Bucky raised a brow, tilting his head obviously not able to hear what was being said to him with how loud the band started playing and caused him to gesture at the crowd and stage. Steve only grinned, dropping the arm overlapping his friend’s to shift closer. His arm now draped behind Bucky’s head, thigh pressed against thigh, face inches from the others. Tony pressed his lips together, he knew Steve wasn’t a flirt but he was sweet and affectionate. Barnes on the other hand. He heard numerous stories about him being the opposite, watching them both talk close and intimate. Bucky’s head ducked down, Steve’s nose practically buried in the brunette’s hair, lips moving almost against his ear while Bucky only nodded or laughed, occasionally looking back at Steve while he chewed at his lip. Steve grinned as he drew back, his hand on his lap gesturing this way and that about something Tony couldn’t tell. Bucky covered his face, shaking his head. He peered back at Steve, lightly slapping his chest and the blond flashed him a faux look of surprise. They smiled at each other and Tony figured it was probably a good time as any.

He quickly approached, clearing his throat as he held his hand out for Steve, his own date still on his other arm. “There you are Steve. I have some people to introduce you to if you want to meet some local artists."

Bucky clenched his jaw, turning his head with his mouth upturned to a smile. He gestured for Steve to get going, tilting his head towards the crowd, “There’s your networking."

Steve hesitated for a moment, feeling nervous and suddenly a little cornered. He forced himself to get up, glancing over at Bucky smiling at him, then he nodded a little, taking Tony’s hand in his letting himself be led to a group standing to converse by the dance floor. 

Bucky sighed, dropping his head back on his seat, outstretching his arms across the back not knowing exactly what to do anymore. His whole night was fucked up with Tony there, he couldn’t even pretend for the hell of it.

“Are you finally alone to get time to yourself?”

Bucky glanced over, Johnny looming over him with a wide smile. 

“No, you showed up.”

“Oh come on, don’t be like that. Come get drunk with me Barnes.” 

He extended a hand out and Bucky groaned loudly at the prospect, mainly because Johnny knew exactly what it would get him and if Bucky got caught with what Johnny had in mind it would get him into some hot water with his parents but there was nothing else to really do. He took the brunette’s hand, the both of them taking the short walk to the bar to order something heavier than champagne.

 

Steve managed to let his eyes wander while more people were moving to join Tony’s conversation on his expansive itinerary for the year with Stark Industries. Bruce assisted with some points and moments where Tony needed to keep his lip closed a bit more. Steve looked around, wondering if Bucky was equally bored, that is if he could find him in the wave of people. He looked towards the smoking room, finding him standing by the entrance of it with a glass in hand, finishing off his drink. He squinted a little, seeing a brunette talking beside him. It took him a moment to recognize that it was Johnny, wearing a black ill fitting tuxedo he must have rented out last minute. Bucky’s lips were etched in a permanent frown, nodding at something the other male was saying, arms open and expressive while he held a beer. 

He made his way towards the pair, sliding himself next to Bucky his body purposefully positioning himself between them without showing obvious deflection. 

Johnny raised his brows in surprise, “Hey It’s Mystery Guy or do you prefer Steve from that night again, how are you?”

Steve smiled, “I’m good, thank you.” 

“I was just telling Bucky Boy here that we should totally get wasted and duck out upstairs if you know what I mean. Who really wants to hang out at a party full of old people, am I right?”

A huff escaped Bucky, “Steve’s my guest, and in case you forgot, my mother is hosting this thing. I can’t just leave even if I wanted to.”

A sour look seeped into the brunette, nodding quickly, “Yeah come to think of it, me too. Our moms huh? Dragged to these lame parties all the time. Oh, here comes the photographer again!”

Steve allowed Bucky to shift him so all three were standing in a row, arm in arm all smiles. Bucky clenched his jaw, “Johnny get your hand off my ass before I break it.”

He grinned wide as the photographer took another picture, “Relax, give a man three more seconds to enjoy.”

As soon as they were finished, Bucky shoved him away, smoothing his tux, “You’re so annoying.”

Johnny smirked, “Hey remember the Christmas ball last year when we totally did it in the room holding the presents for the kids? We almost got caught! Thank god we were behind those velvet curtains, right?” He clutched himself, laughing out loud like it was the best joke in the world. 

Bucky stared up at the ceiling, “Lord, take me now.”

Steve couldn’t help but chuckle, resting a comforting hand on Bucky’s shoulder. 

“Johnny, get lost. You’re giving me a headache.”

The male shrugged at Bucky, eyeing Steve with a smoldering look, “No problem, I hear the bar calling me. Talk to you later _Steve_.”

The blond gave him a wave, watching him wander through the crowd to the large bar. He turned when Bucky pressed his face into his shoulder, a muffled groan escaping him. 

“Yep, I totally see why you can only deal with him in small doses or when his mouth is busy."

Bucky smiled with a shake of his head, giving Steve’s arm a playful squeeze.

“Hello James, it’s good to see you again.”

Bucky felt his blood run cold, slowly turning away from the crowd to the man behind him, “Judge Pierce."

Steve immediately felt the situation dip, turning alongside Bucky, noticing his body completely tense up, eyes staring at the older male in front of him. He had brown and golden hair threaded with silver, his frame tall and wiry. Small pale blue eyes studying Steve for a moment before looking back to Bucky. His stature was domineering even without words, his aged face and smooth straight posture in an ashen grey suit demanded respect even if he forewent tradition for the event. 

“And who’s this?”

Steve moved to shuffle his right hand out and introduce himself; Bucky snatched Steve’s left, entwining his fingers with Steve’s and it abruptly dropped any thoughts from his mind. His eyes gazed over at the brunette, concern seeping through his entire being when he suddenly felt how much Bucky was shaking. 

“This is my boyfriend, Steve..Rogers. Steve, this is Honorable Judge Robert Pierce."

Steve watched Bucky with a sideways glance, the way his body had completely stayed stiffened and in some sort of readied stance for anything. He squeezed Bucky’s hand lightly, the male’s eyes glued to the man in front of him. He looked completely terrified underneath his demeanor. 

Steve watched for a moment before he completely extended his hand out for the Judge, “It’s a pleasure, sir.”

The man gave him a thin veil of a smile, extending his own hand out to grip Steve’s hand, shaking it once with a nod, “A firm grip with soft hands. An artist, aren’t you, Rogers?”

It was too quick to hide the surprise on Steve’s face, he only nodded, “Yes sir.” 

Pierce nodded, releasing his hand to pluck a card from deep within his breast pocket, extending it to the blond, “I’m a bit of an art enthusiast. If you are anything like James here, I would love to see your work. Call me sometime, we should arrange a meeting.” 

He felt Bucky tighten his grip on his fingers, accepting the card with a forced but charming smile, giving a polite nod, “Thank you sir, this is an honor.”

A pleased smile seemed to creep over thin pale lips, “Good, good. James here still has to take me up on my offer. He has talent, just no drive to get it off the ground. Alexander had told him the same thing.”

A scoff escaped Bucky, masking it with a soft cough, his hand coming up as he turned his head away. Pierce looked at him with a raised brow. Steve slipped his hand out of Bucky’s grasp, his opposite hand gently holding his hand in place while his left gently patted his back. Bucky nodded quickly, his grey eyes flashing to Steve before looking down again, “We should get you to the restrooms.”

Pierce cleared his throat and nodded, “Indeed you should.”

Bucky swallowed thickly, “It was a pleasure to see you out to support this cause sir. Enjoy the rest of the evening.” 

Steve held Bucky gently, watching him speak through grit teeth. 

The Judge nodded, “It was a pleasure, James and with you as well Steven.”

Bucky allowed Steve to lead him away from anywhere Pierce could see them, Bucky’s vice grip staying with him as he stopped the male in the dim corridor of the hallway. He brought his free hand up, lightly brushing against Bucky’s smooth face forcing him to look, “Hey you okay? Who was that?”

Bucky blinked a few times, his hand loosening slightly. He shook his head, “Just someone I really don’t want to talk about.”

“Buck, you could tell- “

Bucky’s hand pulled away, stepping back a little, “No, just leave it alone Steve. It’s okay.” 

His eyes dropped, pressing his lips together tightly. He reached forward, sliding his hand against Steve’s chest, letting it sit there for a moment, giving the spot a gentle pat, “Thanks for pretending again for me.”

“Anytime.” Was all Steve could manage, watching Bucky carefully.

Bucky’s fingers moved, slipping his hand into Steve’s breast pocket to reveal the business card, “If I were you, I would burn this. Don’t take favors from him, you’ll only end up owing more than you think.”

Steve wanted to ask why but he chose against it, nodding to him. He took the card, tearing it up. He tossed the pieces into a nearby trash, gracing Bucky with a smile, “Okay?”

Bucky nodded, raising his arms slightly, “Come here for a second.”

He nodded, stepping into the brunette’s space, wrapping his arms tightly around Bucky’s waist. He let his eyes close for a moment, feel his arms slide around his neck comfortably. The soft weight of Bucky’s head rested on his shoulder for what only seemed like seconds, though Steve was equally enjoying the hug he didn’t think he needed.

Bucky finally drew back, smoothing out Steve’s coat unconsciously, “You go and enjoy the party. Stark is probably looking for you. I’ll be back, don’t get too worried about where I am, just have fun.”

“But..where are you going?” His hand light at the brunette’s sleeve. 

Bucky’s warm hand rested on the back of Steve’s, his free hand pulling out his phone, “I’ll be outside or in smoking room. I have to make a small call.”

Bucky stared at Steve studying him with those sad blue eyes and it made him almost ask him to stay. He reached his hand over to lightly touch the cuff of his jacket. He gave him a grateful smile, “I promise I’ll be fine, _Papusa_.”

The blond made a face of realization then raised a brow at Bucky, “Did you just call me a stuffed pancake? Isn’t that some Salvadorian dish?”

Bucky burst out laughing, his hand cupping over his mouth. His eyes misted over, nose crinkling with his brightened face and Steve couldn’t help but laugh with him not sure if he just made a mistake or if Bucky had. When the brunette finally calmed down, he could only stare at him for a long while before playfully pinching his cheek adoringly. “That’s pupusa you idiot.”

His face heated up and Steve could only shrug helplessly, “So, then what did you say?”

Bucky only waved it off, “Nothing important.”

Steve made a face but didn’t press him, it was good to see Bucky smiling again, if only for a second. He still wasn’t convinced he should leave his side after whatever that was earlier but he could only helplessly nod to him in finality. He nodded to his friend and turning to look for a crowd that would have Bruce and Tony together, heading out of the long hall and back into the party. He took another glance over his shoulder towards Bucky but the male was already gone.

 

For the past hour only worrying about Bucky and his well being, he finally saw him start moving around in the ballroom, randomly alongside with Johnny who was looking a little more intoxicated and draping himself over Bucky’s arm. Bucky seemed to take it calmly, in their last run-in Bucky held him by both shoulders to say something with the brunette who nodding back at him with a grin and away he was gone. Steve had no idea how to completely understand their relationship and it only gave him a dull headache. 

Looking back to his current company, he was tuned in just in time to hear, “Did you even know Barnes’ family was hosting this thing?” 

Steve shook his head, he occasionally gave jealous side glances towards the blond at Tony’s side partially draped off his opposite arm absently feeling out his tuxedo jacket. “I never really bothered knowing what kind of family he was from or what they made or did. Wasn’t really interested in all that, you know?”

Bruce nodded in full agreement, quietly sipping his drink.

Tony watched Bucky pat a man on the back, sharing a laugh with a group he was standing with. Paul the photographer came over to snap some pictures when Bucky’s parents arrived to stand at either side of him.

“I mean, but look at him. No idea his mom was an heiress and his dad, aside from looking like Euro James Bond was a corperate lawyer.”

Steve shrugged at Tony, watching Bucky grimace between snaps of pictures, a bright fake pearly white smile quickly returning, sandwiched between his parents at the forefront of another set of photographers. 

Bruce cleared his throat softly, looking directly at Steve, “For some reason, I don’t think he enjoys it too much.”

Tony shrugged, turning back to face Bruce and Steve, “Anyway, first impressions huh?”

When the cameras were gone, Steve watched as Bucky’s father immediately turned to converse with the men they were standing with, Bucky’s mother turned to straighten and smooth out his coat, a deep frown appearing on his face, his forehead creasing. He rolled his eyes and shrugged as she said something to him. He shoved his hands deep into his pockets as leaned his head back indignantly, mouth hanging open in silent protest as he sighed. 

Steve couldn’t help but smile, always a fan of Bucky’s over dramatic reactions.

Winifred continued in what seemed like a lecture of sorts, smacking at Bucky’s arms to get him to remove his hands out of his pockets. He did with another roll of his eyes, folding his arms over his chest instead. She only pulled at them and he dropped them to his sides. She pointed at a large pool of ladies standing by the main area designated for dancing and Bucky seemed to give up fighting, helplessly shrugging and nodding. She kissed the top of his head and steered him in that direction.

Steve winced a little, turning back to catch the last bit of Tony talking about extending the laboratory to two more floors. After a bit though Tony pulled him in close following a few times of asking if Steve was hearing what he was saying. Steve tried to fake his way through it not too interested in what his labs were working on, some of it always got lost in translation to him but it was fruitless noticing the way the brunette looked at him like he should be listening. A large part of it was seeing Bucky dancing with woman like he was supposed to be so grateful and happy about it, instead behind his smile and charm, his eyes seemed disconnected and it made Steve feel bad for the guy. There was no reason to assume his parents had no idea but it seemed like they had their own ideas, at least his mom seemed to. 

Steve was fortunate enough to have his ma there with open arms when he figured it all out and told her, scared shitless she was going to panic and be angry at him. Instead she only said, _‘You finally figured it all out huh?'_ and he hugged and kissed her face for hours. She was his world and now she was gone. He huffed softly, not meaning to bring himself down. He hugged Tony’s arm tighter, trying to soak himself into the conversation. Bruce nudged him with a raise of a brow and Steve gave him a smile. He shook his head so the man wasn’t concerned.

They still had a few more hours of this and he didn’t want to let his grief pull him down. Instead he caught eyes with one of the art dealers Tony had introduced him to and put his hand out to reintroduce himself. They began talking and Steve was actually pleased to know he seemed genuinely interested. They continued talking business, Tony giving him an encouraging nod and a smile when he was taking a pause from businessmen asking him and Bruce questions which only pushed Steve to sell himself harder. His mind raced at the possibilities of having his work put out there and if he hit it off he would have it made. Not that the money would be important but he could live better with it, but there was more than that to him, he wanted to give people the happiness he felt when he did a piece. He wanted to do what he enjoyed the most. The excitement of it rocked him through his core, quickly forgetting about everything else as he garnered the attention of a couple of artists who were more than willing to share their cusps of knowledge with him.

 

The night had began winding down, Steve finding himself alone again and he wandered outside, taking another sip from his beer bottle. His eye had trained to one lone person laid out in a deck chair right next to the pool facing away from the party, fingers lazily dipping into the water. Clear white lights hung around the water perimeter. The blond shook his head with a smile, strolling over. The music patched out by the pool, a fond jazzy tune he couldn’t quite pinpoint coming through.

“So why all the cloak and dagger, why didnt you just come out and tell me about..everything?”

Bucky opened his eyes to look up at Steve peering over him, a casual smile appearing over his lips, “What cloak and dagger? I never lied. You never asked.”

Steve chuckled, pulling a chair from the side, sitting down next to the brunette his fingers unraveling his bowtie loose from his neck, “Oh come on. There’s more to it than that. You completely personified yourself to be this person you weren’t.”

Bucky sat himself up, pointing his finger at him, “Oh but you’re wrong. I’m still the same person. I’ll still dress the same you just now know I have money. Maybe you’ll be different around me now. Who knows, Rogers.”

Steve smirked, staring at that sparkle in Bucky’s eye. His hand playfully pushed him back in his seat shaking his head at him, “I’ll be seeing you as my friend just like I’ve always had. Though I have to admit, you do clean up really well Barnes.”

Bucky raised a brow, “Did you just compliment me three times in one night?”

Steve laughed behind his bottle, taking another small sip, nodding at him, “Of course I did. I’ll give credit where it’s due.”

Bucky only laughed, looking up at the stars. Steve followed his gaze, appreciating how out of the city they were to enjoy the sight even though it was somewhat chilly. 

“I figured you were going to spend the rest of the night with Stark.”

Steve lowered his eyes for a moment, “Nope. Not tonight. He and his date ducked out a few minutes ago.” He let out a small bitter laugh, gaining Bucky’s eyes to look at him in wonder, “You wanna hear something stupid Buck?”

“I say a lot of stupid things, Im pretty sure it wont be stupid.”

“I was kind of wishing he would ask me to dance. I know it’s stupid because there’s a hundred percent chance that he wouldn’t but I was wishing.”

Bucky was quiet, his head shifting against the material of the chair to look back up into the sky, “That’s not stupid at all. You love the guy. Love makes you want dumb little things you usually wouldn’t think about regularly.”

“Have you ever been in love?”

“In love? Like what? Nat? Clint? I love them.”

“C’mon Buck, you know what I mean.”

“Nah, not in that way."

Steve raised a brow, looking at Bucky staring up, just in awe of the stars, his face calm and wistful. 

“Never?”

“Never.”

Bucky didn’t say anything else on it and Steve didn’t press, the pair of them listening to the music streaming out enjoying the calm silence between them. 

Steve almost startled himself when Bucky suddenly sat up, pulling himself up from his seat. He pulled his tuxedo jacket off throwing it onto the chair and undid his bowtie, tossing that on top of the coat. Steve watched him curiously while Bucky undid his cufflinks then the top two buttons on his shirt. His eyes met Steve’s, flashing a charming smile, outstretching his hand for the blond. “Dance with me Rogers.”

Steve looked up at Bucky, dumbfounded. He wasn’t sure about dancing right now, feeling how he felt about Tony leaving for the night but he found his hand quickly resting in Bucky’s, allowing the male to pull him to his feet. 

“You wanna lead or shall I?”

Steve pulled off his own tux jacket, catching Bucky’s wink and he only chuckled, holding Bucky’s hand up, his other hand around to the small of the brunette’s back. He stopped, looking towards the speakers, “There’s no music.”

“Give it a second.” Bucky rested his left hand comfortably against Steve’s right shoulder, the fingers of his right entwining together with Steve’s. Despite the cool weather, warmth and a slight nervousness churned within him, a dull heat blooming inside his stomach.

_Keep it together, Barnes._

Bucky wasn’t sure why he was doing it, offering up a dance. He was pretty much panicking inside his head. He was so close to Steve, so damn close he could feel the heat radiating off the blond’s body. It felt exciting and also very nerve-wracking. All he wanted was to make him smile and if a dance was what would do it for him, then he would happily oblige. He just had to ignore the flighty feeling he had, lock away all the urges to high tail it and run. 

Swallow away his fears.

The music started and Steve recognized _At Last_ almost immediately. “Hmn, good song to come on.”

Bucky peered up at Steve’s endless blues, nodding to his comment smiling lightly up at him before he looked away a moment feeling warm, “I love this song myself.” 

Steve smiled back, a light pressure pressing down against Bucky’s lower back his chest pressing into Steve’s. The blond gave his other hand a light squeeze leading him into the music. He continued peering down at Bucky’s grey blue eyes, refusing to let go of either hold; the slow sway of Bucky’s hips moved with his as they both carried in tune to the sound of the music, Bucky naturally falling into Steve’s lead. 

_At last.._  
_My love has come along.._

Steve held the brunette closer to him, Bucky’s eyes slipping closed, his head nodding gently along with the music. 

“This is nice.” His whisper barely reaching Steve’s ear, the blond looking at the complete serenity across his partner’s features. 

“It is. Thank you..for this.” Was all Steve could muster, it was better than nice but words escaped him for now. Both bodies moving in slow small circles together. All at once he noticed how enchanted he was with watching Bucky in his arms. A halcyon smile across his soft pink lips, his pale cheeks pushed up as his lashes lightly dusted his skin. 

_the skies above are blue.._

Steve felt his stomach feel knotted, the movement of their bodies together causing his face to flush. They continued to turn in their small perfect circles, a simple small sigh escaping Bucky’s content lips.

_My heart was wrapped up in clover.._

Steve felt Bucky shift the hand on his shoulder off to the side, his cheek replacing the vacant spot. His nose lightly brushed the side of Steve’s neck, a shiver running through the blond. He felt his heart beat pick up, warmth curling around his ears at the sensation of hot air caressing his skin. Instinctively Steve tilted his own head against Bucky’s, the brunette letting out a helpless hum in approval.

_The night I looked at you.._

Steve wasn’t entirely sure what was going on right then. He only knew the way he was feeling wasn’t exactly normal. His mind felt like it was fizzing out, his stomach tightening. He felt like he was getting butterflies, his brows knitting together. 

He felt like he was a teenager again, a weird twitchy nervousness growing in him. Bucky moved his head just a slight bit, the breath hitching in Steve’s throat. His eyes moved along the figure against him, his fingers on his lower back lightly stroking the material of Bucky’s shirt.

_Wait, Bucky?_

Bucky wasn’t exactly sure what was happening, but it felt _nice_. They turned slightly again, Bucky easily allowing Steve to move him wherever he pleased, his hips moving completely in sync to him. His nose brushed along Steve’s neck, forcing himself not to altogether tuck his face against the crook of it. The bottom line was that he was doing this for Steve to cheer him up though Bucky couldn’t help stealing some of the happiness for himself, just for a moment. Bucky could stay like this forever. 

As the song finished, Bucky lifted his head, but didn’t break their hold. He gave Steve a comforting smile, Steve seemingly flushed and he could feel his heart beat racing against his own chest. “Are you alright? I didn’t suck that bad did I?”

Steve seemed to swallow hard, struggling to do so, a small laugh escaping him. His voice small and faint, “No, not at all Buck. You’re a perfect partner.”

Bucky grinned widely, not minding to the fact that they continued to dance through a new song that had started playing which neither were focusing on. Steve continued to stare hard at him and the brunette loosened himself from their hands. He reached his right hand up, lightly gripping the blond’s chin with his thumb and index, “Earth to Steve. Wake up.”

That seemed to snap him out of it, pulling himself away apologetically. “Sorry Buck, I must have spaced out there.”

He shrugged, “You alright?”

Steve sat down on the deck chair beside Bucky’s, nodding to him without a word. 

_Bucky?_

He glanced over, watching the brunette stretch back out in his seat. He glanced up and their eyes met, Bucky giving him a smile. He looked up at the sky, the hills managing to stave them from the city lights and show them the stars and he could imagine enjoying them more out here. 

He took a cursory look back towards Bucky when he was sure the male wasn’t looking at him, lost in trying to understand how exactly he was feeling. It was the way Bucky treated him, like he was special. It had to be the reason. His friendship was worth keeping and taking care of Steve already knew that but now he felt something else. Something he definitely _shouldn’t_ be feeling. His heart had been fluttering and his stomach was making him feel nauseous. He couldn’t stop looking at how beautiful Bucky was, both inside and out and he couldn’t believe how confused it was making him feel.

The light breeze chilled him a little, grabbing up his coat to his chest. Bucky rose out of his seat, pulling on his own coat. He looked over at the blond, “Want to go hang out in my room? It’s getting pretty cool out here, unless you need to go home..?”

Steve got up to his feet, “I took a cab here actually. I wasn’t sure how much drinking I was going to be doing.”

“You’re welcome to use one of the guest beds if you want.”

“Thanks Buck. For everything.”

“You keep saying that like I need to hear it.” He muttered, walking across the grass, a small smile on his face.

Steve snatched his wrist, stopping him, “It’s because you need to hear it. You always treat it like it’s not important. It’s like you self depreciate yourself. I may let things go over my head a lot but sometimes I do see things that matter.”

Bucky could only stand and look at him, Steve’s eyes stern and ready to argue if Bucky tried to brush it off as a joke again. He only nodded softly, slipping his arm from his hold. Instead he hooked it with the crook of Steve’s elbow, tugging him along inside.


	8. Okay, now I may knee you in the crotch.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"..I want to do something where no one can find us. Come on Buck,” He put his hand out, “Come with me..."_
> 
> Steve was wondering if he was losing it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I lied here's another chapter. Steve and his eternal damnation. Bucky keeps a lot to himself.
> 
> [Chapter 8 pic/gif](http://kalika999.tumblr.com/post/136248987130/hunger-of-the-pine-chapter-8-i-want-to-do)  
>   
> Love you guys, Happy Holidays/New Years! <3

**Late September, 2015**  
  
  


Steve followed after Bucky up the marble staircase, a man holding his place at the landing standing aside with a polite smile to the both of them moving back to the railing after they went by.

“I feel like you’re the son of a president.” Steve muttered softly under his breath. 

Bucky snorted, pulling a long antique key from his inside coat pocket, “Nowhere near that important or rich.”

He slid it into the keyhole, Steve’s fascination of all the old details getting the best of him. Bucky smiled at him when there was a soft smooth click, turning the heavy brass knob to swing the door open for Steve to go in first. He could feel the deep white carpet under his shoes, soft and cushioned. The white crown molding and stucco work on the ceiling distracting him for a second, his eyes finally roaming to the ceiling to floor deep blue heavy curtains, the same ones were tucked closed against the posts of a mahogany four poster bed. Down the room and to his left was a door leading to a bathroom that from what he could see was updated and modern, most of the right side was designated for stationary things, an old fireplace fitted against the wall to the center, an antique cream colored Duchess Bergere and Ottoman sat in front, a couple of books sitting on the cushion. At the left side of the fireplace, a dark wood built in shelving unit sat filled with various reading materials, the other side had doors to what he assumed was a closet. The back corner sat a writing desk and a dresser, the middle of the room sat a small wooden tea table that obviously did not hold tea, instead a decanter of alcohol and two turned over tumblers on a dark blue table cloth. Matching the curtains, two padded chairs side at either side , Steve was pretty sure he stepped into a whole other world.

“You really like Victorian.”

“Pretty sure this room was decorated before I was born, aside from the bed, that was all me and I do like Victorian.” It was all said a matter-of-factly, closing the door behind him.

Bucky walked across the room, Steve looking around dumbfounded, “Your room is the size of my apartment!” 

He snorted, grabbing a remote for his music system. “Don’t drool, its not worth it.” 

Bucky pulled off his coat, throwing himself on the bed. He really did enjoy his bed though, it was a perfect balance for him and gave him many nights of good sleep when he could get them. Steve looked around at the pictures on the walls, his face full of awe. Bucky focused on watching the way Steve was enthralled in everything, his fascination on the stucco detail, how comfy his oak four poster bed looked, the rich detail of the tapestry art on the wall, everything. He kicked off his shoes, letting the blond do his thing. 

Though it was original work, the fireplace was not what it seemed. Bucky activated it with a different remote on the stand, waving a hand at Steve to stop his exploration for a moment. “If I forget later, you got one of these in your room. Sometimes it gets drafty. I’m gonna take a quick shower, I smell like some weird hybrid of cologne and perfume with alcohol.”

Steve nodded with a smile, going back to whatever he was doing. Bucky took some clothing and took a quick shower, coming back out soon after dressed in a pair of black pajama pants and a matching up button up night shirt. Steve had seated himself in his Duchess, legs crossed in front of him soaking in the heat of the elaborate fireplace reading one of the books he had. He looked completely comfortable, his coat resting against one corner of the plush chair, his sleeves rolled up to his elbows, a couple top buttons undone. His hair even seemed a little messy, most likely from raking his hands through it without the worry of needing to fix it. He looked like he was completely at home. Bucky wondered if he could just kidnap Steve and keep him here, he didn’t seem like he would mind right then. 

“Hey do you need some pajamas or something for tonight. I don’t even know if I have anything in your size but I can manage to find something.”

Steve glanced up, shaking his head, “Nah I should be okay in some boxers, maybe a t-shirt?”

A little bit of rummaging found Bucky a larger white t-shirt, tossing it over onto the bed for the blond. He yawned lightly, stretching his arms over his head lazily. He climbed onto the mattress, laying out on his back looking up at the ceiling for a few minutes before eventually closing his eyes with his hands tucked behind his head. 

Almost immediately he felt the bed dip next to him, he peeked to see sky blue eyes staring at him with a goofy adorable smile attached to it, Steve laying on his side still in obvious shock. Bucky chuckled, letting his eyes close again, “You still can’t get over it, can you?” 

Steve grinned, “No way! I pulled up to your house, oh I’m sorry, your damn _mansion_ and I was surprised. You were standing there looking like you could eat someone whole with your smoldering eyes, that change was a surprise and it turned out you’re used to that. Now you take me to your bedroom and its the size of an apartment, geez Bucky, excuse me while I drool.” 

Bucky shook his head, smirking. “You’re a dork by the way.” 

Steve rolled onto his back, looking around again, “I dont mind being a dork if I had what you had.” 

The room went quiet except for the music Bucky had been playing. 

“I’ll trade places with you any day.”

“Buck, you can’t be serious. I’d take you up on your offer instantly.”

A soft content sigh escaped the brunette, stretching his arms out over his head lazily before moving his hands onto his chest, “I am. Give me your apartment, I’ll give you my bedroom and everything else I have access to.”

Steve glanced at him, staring at the calm look on Bucky’s face. He softly make a disapproving sound with his tongue, lightly hitting the back of Bucky’s hand with his. He froze when Bucky snatched two of his fingers, holding it there. He couldn’t help but smile brighter, glad Bucky wasn’t seeing the fresh color hitting his face. 

 

Steve looked up at the ceiling, laid out on his back, hands tucked up against the back of his head. The guest room was great. It was like being in some wonderful perfect five star hotel. The bed was comfortable and he was pretty sure he would have done many things to secure this sort of luxury on a regular basis except..

today was not one of those nights. 

All he could think about was Bucky. Bucky’s smile. Bucky nestled against him when they danced. Bucky looking towards him with those mysterious grey blue eyes that changed with the color of his clothing or his mood or even his environment. Bucky’s expression of amusement and awe on his face whenever the moment hit him. 

He also thought about Tony. He waited for a text back, an anchor back to him. One hand reached for his phone on the night stand again, checking maybe that the phone was not cooperating. The last text was over two hours ago; 

_**BigDickTony:** Just got home but some of our team had some major things to show us. Massive breakthroughs on some testing,_ _will message when we take a break._

A break usually meant when one or both of them, Bruce included, were forced to take a break. On the plus side he figured he probably one and done that girl he took with him and went straight home, which made him feel at least a little better than when he would sleep over at women’s homes. 

Steve sighed, returning his hand behind his head. He missed him so much. His eyes gazed around at the shadows cascaded along the ceiling and walls. His mind returning back to Bucky. He had no idea how that happened, now and before. It was possibly a small crush and need for attention but still, laying here alone was not helping and Bucky was just next door. Then again, he also didn’t want to bother Bucky..and this was definitely not right. He let out a groan, pulling the sheet out from under his covers, draping it over his face in annoyance letting out a low groan. He only managed to stay there for a few minutes, sitting up and finding himself giving in to his internal struggle. 

He swung his legs off the bed his bare feet quietly hitting the wood floors. He crossed the room quickly feeling the small chill in the air creeping around his bare arms and legs. An odd wave of giddiness curled inside of him, sneaking out into the hallway after closing himself out. He looked around, the home completely silent except for the ticking of a clock somewhere downstairs. 

Steve reached Bucky’s door, standing there still for a moment. He looked over himself realizing he was only in a pair of boxers and a t-shirt, really wishing he had taken the offer of pajama pants. The lingering chill sank deeper into his bones causing Steve to make an executive decision of entering the bedroom. 

Letting himself in, he skirted around to the side of the bed Bucky wrapped up almost completely by his blankets and cover, only a tuft of dark hair sticking out at the pillows. He suddenly felt guilty of disturbing the brunette’s sleep but he had already gotten this far, why not a little further. 

“Bucky..?”

Steve climbed over the covers over at the empty side, lightly prodding him. 

Bucky made a small sound of disapproval, a yawn coming from the blankets. Steve sat on his knees, patiently waiting. The brunette stirred further, his head moving out from underneath, his eyes trying to adjust to the sight of the muscular male sitting on top of his covers watching him. 

Was it his birthday? Did he miss a memo somewhere about a sexy rendezvous?

“Bucky."

He rubbed his eyes, another yawn escaping him. He finally noticed the hair and that it was Steve. Steve, knees not together anymore but instead lazily spread apart, hands on his thighs leaning in impatiently. Bucky was completely sure his ass was pushed out if he took the moment to really look. 

“Mhn, Steve? What’s going on?”

Steve had gotten this far when he realized he had no valid excuse for why he was there. It had to be the truth or Bucky would see right through his bullshit anyway. 

“I couldn’t sleep in that room. Can I sleep here?” 

Bucky was quiet, Steve wondering if he had fallen back asleep. Bucky finally pushed his head out properly, lifting some of the covers for him. Steve didn’t hesitate, crawling into the warmth immediately. 

“God Rogers, are you trying to kill me? I’m not even awake and you come in here half naked, Jesus Christ.”

Steve ignored him, not sure how Bucky was still cracking jokes in the early hours. 

“I’m freezing, I should have asked for those pants you offered. I don’t even know where that fireplace remote was.”

Bucky hushed him, tugging Steve lazily so he would lay down against him. Steve caught on, nestling himself against the brunette’s frame to allow Bucky to spoon him, an arm securely wrapping around his deceptively small waist. 

“And Shut up, I didn’t know I would be sneaking into your room at night. Thought boxers and a t-shirt were fine in the other bed and I made a mistake. It’s warm here at least.”

Bucky shifted a little to tuck his left arm under his head, his other sliding off his hip to hug Steve’s back to this chest pressing him close. He buried his face against the blond’s neck, legs tangling with the bigger male. His lips formed a sleepy grin against Steve’s skin, letting his eyes drift close again.

“Which is weird since you’re the walking incinerator." He retorted tiredly against Steve’s neck.

Steve secured the blanket tight around the both of them, feeling Bucky’s bare toes grazing over his ankles, his heart picking up its pace. He even _felt_ Bucky’s smile against his skin, causing a small shiver to go through him and his stomach to flipflop. He moved his hand to his chest, fingers brushing along the brunette’s. Immediately Bucky coiled his fingers with his, the flush of heat coursing across Steve’s face. 

He was starting to think that maybe this wasn’t just a passing phase. 

 

Steve awoke with a start, his phone incessantly ringing. Bucky groaned behind him, Steve frowning immediately when the male pulled off him to face the other way pulling a pillow over his head. He glanced at the clock, 8:00 am.

He finally managed to answer the call, yawning against it, “Hello?”

“Where are you? I came by the surprise you and you weren’t home. Don’t you work nights?”

“Tony..” Steve moved onto his back barely pushing himself up to prop himself up by his elbows. “I’m at Bucky’s house still.”

“Still at the Forlorn Prince’s house? Really? You said you were heading home soon.”

Steve rubbed his eyes, pulling himself up to sit, “We just hung out way too late, he just told me to crash for the night.”

“In his bed?”

“No, well not exactly. Its just.” Steve wasn’t great at making logical sense when he wasn’t sure he needed to.

“So you’re not in his bed.”

“Uh. It’s not how you think.”

At this point Bucky had raised the pillow off his head, the sound not muffling Steve’s rising voice anymore, the phone not even disguising Tony’s end of the conversation. He turned back over while he raised his brows unimpressed with either of them. 

“So what should I be thinking?”

Steve frowned at the tone of his voice, it cracked a little though he felt he had done nothing that should have escalated the situation considering who he was involved with. “Nothing, you shouldn’t be thinking anything Tony. We just slept, we didn’t do anything. Don’t get yourself upset over nothing.”

Tony sighed heavily, “Right. Right. Don’t worry about my boyfriend sleeping with his friend. Sure thing.”

Steve felt his anger flare slightly at the statement, “Did you not leave with some random girl last night without saying goodnight?”

_Oh boy, here we go._

Bucky threw the blanket over his face.

“That’s different. You knew that was me before us. I don’t care about those women I care about you.”

Bucky rolled his eyes.

Steve closed his own eyes, running a hand over his face trying to calm down, “I care about you too, you should believe me then when I say nothing happened. I just shared a bed with him.”

“So many other places you could have slept Steve. If I’m not mistaken he has a bunch of quest rooms but you know, I’m not supposed to get upset that my boyfriend skipped over that fact and climbed into bed with his _friend_. Oh which by the way, has seen you naked. Don’t forget that part of the story.”

Steve glared at the blankets covering Bucky’s face when he heard a loud audible snort from underneath.

“Traitor.” he hissed out under his breath.

“And another thing, I didn’t even sleep with that girl, she got sick and I just took her home, thank you very much. Like I said to you in my text, Bruce and I were working all night.”

Steve pinched the bridge of his nose, “Look Tony, first of all you had no problem about Bucky walking in on us when I asked you why you didn’t lock my front door. Secondly, I’m sorry you’re upset. I never did anything with him so please calm down.”

Tony clucked his tongue in some sort of annoyed fashion, Steve could already sense he had begun pacing and building himself up. “And what about in the morning Steve. If you know anything about male anatomy you should know that- ” 

Steve raised a finger up immediately as if Tony had been speaking before him, “No, just no. Stop right there please for god’s sakes Tony!”

Stark huffed into the phone, “It happens Babe, you should know this.”

The blond palmed his face, groaning against his hand. 

“You guys mind not talking about my boners while I’m still in the room?” 

Steve didn‘t have to lift the cover to see if Bucky was grinning like a damned jerk.

“Bucky!”

“What did Barnes just say?!”

Steve shoved Bucky in anger, listening to Tony completely have a sputtering meltdown upon realizing the insinuation the brunette just put out in the open, “Honey, please relax.”

“ _He_ was spooning you?! Steve!”

Bucky covered his mouth trying to hold back his laughter, his shoulders involuntarily shaking. He misjudged the conversation. This was completely worth it. He could _feel_ the daggers shooting from Steve’s eyes right now. 

Steve let out an exasperated groan, shaking his head, “Tony..Tony listen to me. He's making a joke. Nothing happened. He’s one of my best friends, its alright. I’m sorry this is upsetting you. If you really want to talk about it how about we don’t do it on the phone. Do you want me to come over or meet me somewhere for lunch?”

“Of course I want to talk about this! Yes, come over for lunch and, oh my _god_ Steve. Just oh my god.” 

Tony paused when a voice in the background spoke to him and he sighed, “I’ll be free about noonish, Bruce has informed me we still have some things to do. Remember Steve, noon!”

Steve exhaled slowly and nodded, “Right, noon. I’ll see you then.”

The pair said their goodbyes, Bucky had shuffled back completely under the covers. Steve glared at the blanket for a moment before ducking under it, smacking the male hard in the chest, “You! You know how he is! Why did you say that?!”

Bucky laughed out, rolling away to turn his back to Steve. He yelped when the blond pinched him on his side, a fit of laughter bursting forth again. He tried to ball himself up from Steve’s onslaught of slaps and light punches, rolling further away. He tried to kick at Steve’s legs, laughing some more. “I’m sorry but your boyfriend is fucking hilarious!” 

Bucky grabbed one of Steve’s hands to stop some of his slapping, grinning wide. Steve glowered back at him, trying to pull his hand away. Bucky only smiled wider, firmly wrapping his hand around Steve’s wrist, pulling it back to him. 

“You’re such a jerk.”

“Aw you love it.”

Steve let himself fall against the middle of Bucky’s chest, “Only sometimes.”

Bucky made a small sound of disappointment, rifling Steve’s already messed up bedhead, “Then I’m sorry I got your boyfriend upset, technically you did though. I just threw in the gasoline.”

He pouted, “You’re definitely not sorry Barnes.”

Bucky tucked his free hand under his head, tilting his head to the ceiling, rubbing his face into the blanket over his head, “Nah, not really.” He jumped slightly at the elbow to his side, a wide smile across his face.

“He’s going to kill me Buck.”

Bucky glanced down at Steve’s face still pressed against his chest, the rest of his body hunched over, kneeling beside him, his knees pressed against his ribs. His fingers lightly scratched Steve’s scalp, “I can hide you if you want. I know there’s some kind of hidden bookshelf in my personal library. You can live there, I think it was a small room for monks or some shit, haven’t looked at it since I was a kid but we could move in a small bed for you, a little lamp and a television. It would be cute.”

Steve peered up at him, blue eyes wide, “I know you’re joking but that sounds like such a good idea right now.”

The brunette flashed him a smile, his hand unconsciously stroking the dirty blond baby soft hair on his head, “Who said I was joking? Any time you wanna hide, I got you covered.”

Steve grinned, pressing his face against his chest again with a soft laugh, his voice muffled. “I may just take you up on that offer Buck.”

  
  


Bucky stared at the phone, trying to hide the complete disappointment he had on his face. He slumped into the couch, quietly folding his hands over his chest, glaring at the show vacantly. 

Clint came down the stairs, moving through the sitting room to get to the kitchen, “Hey.”

“Hey.”

The blond froze, backpedaling towards the couch, parking himself down beside Bucky, “What’s up?”

“Nothing. Just watching tv.” 

“And pouting. Steve say something?”

“Not pouting, but he can’t come over.”

Clint reached over, gripping Bucky’s arm lightly giving him a shake, “That’s fine. Probably for the better too with Brock, save another week where he’s not giving Steve the third degree.”

He shrugged in return, “It’s going to happen eventually no matter what we say.”

“Hey, come on now. Don’t be sad and making faces. You have to see Tony’s side a little at least, he knows his boyfriend is a nice guy and he doesn’t know you. You said you were both sleeping in the same bed at your place? Of course he’s going to react to it. It woulda been much weirder if he didn’t.”

Bucky only rolled his eyes, “Who’s side are you on over here?”

The blond playfully swatted the back of his head, “Don’t give me that. You know I’m here for you but he has a boyfriend. You can’t change that.”

Bucky unfolded his arms in annoyance, holding them out helplessly, “I never coaxed him in my bed, I gave him a bedroom of his own to use. He’s the one who decided to crawl in with me, he’s the one who told his boyfriend. Now he can’t come to dinner.”

Clint nodded understandingly, then he shrugged with an arm wrapping around his shoulders, “And Brock would have eaten him alive.”

Bucky grimaced, not being able to argue with that fact.

Bucky had been feeling lousy all through dinner, excusing himself to the basement without anyone batting an eye which he was thankful for. Not even Brock said a word, he only glanced at him for a second then went back to the movie they were watching. He closed the door behind him before he descended the stairs, walking over to a large wooden work cabinet holding his supplies. He hauled a large block of clay over to a folding table covered in plastic, pausing when the phone began to ring. He wasn’t sure he wasn’t sure he wanted to answer a call from Steve right now but he swiped it anyway against his better judgment, “Hey.”

“Hey? Figured you would be happy to hear from me.”

“Figured you were in boyfriend jail, I assume you still are in some way so I wouldn’t hold out any hopes that this may be a call to hang out or to shoot the shit.”

“Ouch Barnes.”

Bucky sucked in a breath, not intentionally meaning to sound cold but he was annoyed. He held the phone with shoulder, “So what’s happening?”

He picked up the cut-off wire, unwrapping the clay with one hand waiting for Steve to respond. 

“I don’t know. I got bored sitting around doing nothing.”

He couldn’t help but smirk a bit, “So you are in boyfriend jail.”

A loud exhale escaped from Steve, “Yeah, I guess I am, sort of. I can still go out I am an adult, I just have no idea where. You wanna go do something?”

Buck sat down on his stool. All he wanted to do was have time to himself and he sure as hell didn’t want to be the reason Steve ducked out _without_ Stark. 

“You know what? I think I’m good tonight. I’m downstairs getting ready to work and I think that’s honestly what I need to do tonight. If you figure out something, have fun because you probably need it after getting grilled by your boyfriend.” The finality in the statement suddenly hit him and he felt a frown form against his lips.

There was a momentary pause and then a soft barely there sigh, “Sure Buck. I understand. I’ll call you tomorrow?”

“Yeah, night Steve.”

“Goodnight.”

Steve sat in the armchair on Tony’s private floor. Soft music playing in the background. Bruce had called Tony down to see about some circuitry on the motherboard of one of their computer installations and Steve told him to get it done. He killed about twenty minutes before he decided to call Bucky and see what he was up to. Of course he wasn’t surprised when he received a distracted cold shoulder. He knew Bucky enough to know at least a little bit of his emotion was directly on his sleeve and it was hard for him to hide disappointment. Steve was no exception to it. 

An idea came to mind and he made a few calls, taking a little bit of time to arrange some things before he was ready to get going. He pulled on his peacoat while he thought about informing Tony but decided against it, the thought of his actions earlier pushing through his mind loudly. He drew out a breath, running a hand over his face. He wasn’t sure what he was doing.

It didn’t take him too long to travel to the start of his night, he only hoped that it wouldn't be the end of it.

Steve stood at the door, abruptly freezing a second before he went to knock. He made it all the way without thinking and he had no thoughts even then. He just plainly refused to give himself time to think. He just _acted_. 

_I don’t really like him like that, do I?_

Most of the day he didn’t have to consider the idea, eating a lunch he could barely taste while Tony’s paranoia kept coming back and causing random lectures to happen. Tony kept him close more than usual and even though no words about why was exchanged, Steve couldn’t help but think it was all over Bucky. It started with sharing a bed but it spilled out to a more specific way Tony was acting. He was taking it more personally than he usually did which only meant that it was because of Bucky. He had seen it before when Sam was first introduced to him but he backed off rather quickly because at least then, Tony and he knew each other a little before that. Now it was different even if they seemed to be friendly at the bar, it didn’t seem to matter today. Even the sex was possessive and raw. Steve would have normally not minded, this wasn’t the first time and it certainly wouldn’t be the last but he couldn’t help but feel slightly resentful over it and defensive of Bucky who was a best friend to him and had done nothing else to prove otherwise and now he was standing here, still. 

He felt confused, really confused about his feelings. He flipped the idea around now, asking himself if he was in love with Tony and he was immediately telling himself that yes he was but the way he was feeling about Bucky. He kept going back to him. He felt horrible, his head beginning to throb. He assumed it was how much time and attention they gave each other, it wasn’t hard to understand that. It wasn’t like he was in love with him so it that kind of problem. He pushed it aside, most likely over reacting over nothing. 

He raised his fist to the basement door that was off to the side with a small row of cement stairs, knocking softly. He heard some movement, then a bolt clicked and turned. Soon grey blues stared at him with confused brows, mouth formed into a soft frown, “Steve?”

_Fuck. What the hell am I doing?_

“Buck..” The rest of his words left him, and it was the second time in the past twenty four hours that he realized things weren’t so black and white for him. 

The brunette leaned against the frame, wiping his clay stained hands on a dirty rag. He paused and waited for a response, completely caught off guard. His eyes looked over to the front door, then back at him. He didn’t break out a smile or a greeting and Steve’s frowned deepened as he searched for what to say. 

“Come out with me. Sneak out with me, let’s just run away and do something. I’ve had the worse day, I just..I want to do something where no one can find us. Come on Buck,” He put his hand out, “Come with me.”

Bucky stared at him long and hard for a minute wondering if Steve had gone crazy. Wasn’t he just with Tony, what the hell was he doing here?

“I..are you okay?” 

Steve nodded quickly, “Bucky, I’m sorry. Don’t be mad at me. I’m sorry for Tony. I just want to go do something away from everything, will you come with me?”

Bucky wanted to dig his heels in, show Steve how annoyed he was but with that hand out for him and those damn puppy dog eyes, he just couldn’t, his palm sliding over his warm skin. It made everything better, it was hard to say no. 

Steve squeezed his hand, turning to pull him out but the brunette froze, “Wait, I can’t go like this. Give me a second, okay?”

Steve turned to look at him. He paused for a second then nodded, letting go of his hand. He shuffled inside so Bucky could close to door moving over to the sink to wash his hands, toweling them off. 

“I have to get my wallet and change out of this t-shirt.” 

Bucky moved up to the first floor, rounding through the living room and up the stairs, the others still watching their movie. He quickly changed, grabbing his hoodie off the hook and made his way back to the basement. “Nat, I’m going to the coffee shop. Be back later.”

She hummed in confirmation, knowing she probably wondered why he was going the basement way but he was thankful she wasn’t asking. He closed the door behind him, Steve standing at the table, examining the work he had left out. Bucky covered it up and pulled out his keys, “Alright, let’s go on this adventure into whatever we’re doing.”

The blond flashed him a smile, moving outside again, Bucky followed after him and locked up. 

“How did you get here?”

“The bus.”

“You actually took a bus?”

“It’s not so different from taking the subway honestly.”

He followed Steve down the block, the pair of them half jogging as if they were trying to escape something. He had no idea where they were going but he didn’t mind following after the blond. They came to a crossroad, Steve grabbing his hand before running across the street as they both avoided a couple of cars, reaching the bus stop. He didn’t let go when they stopped, Bucky peering at him quietly. The male was too distracted looking out for the bus and the brunette didn’t mind too much. 

“Do you know where you’re going?”

Steve didn’t look in his direction, the feel of his thumb mindlessly feeling out his skin, “Contrary to popular belief, I have taken a bus before. I do know routes.”

His hand finally dropped, much to Bucky’s dismay. 

“I was just wondering. I could call a cab if you want.”

“No,” Steve sighed, pulling his phone out. He turned it off, slipping it back into his pocket. “No phones tonight, no nothing. Let’s just go radio silent. Me and you.”

Bucky took his phone out, not taking his eyes off him in mild amusement. He turned it off, tucking it back into the left front pocket of his jeans. 

They got on the crowded bus, the rush of workers returning home and people out for the evening packing in like sardines. Steve gripped the bar rail above his head, Bucky preferring the wrist strap the hung off the rail bar. The more people that got on, the closer they crowded to each other, Bucky’s chest pressing into Steve’s, enjoying the warmth radiating off him. Buck gave him a small smile, a faint pink hitting Steve’s cheekbones. The idea crossed the brunette’s mind that he could easily wrap his arms around Steve’s neck for support instead but decided to shelve it away for later thoughts instead of alienating Steve at current time. 

They got off at the train station and after a few stops they got off that and walked down the block, Steve tight lipped and Bucky only following after him.

“Are we close at least?” The brunette had his hands stuffed into his front pockets, walking briskly alongside Steve.

He smiled at him and nodded, “It’s just around the corner.”

When Steve finally stopped and pulled open the door, Bucky could only look at him like he had lost his damn mind.

Steve grinned, “What? I used to come here all the time when I was a kid.”

Bucky continued to frown but walked in while the door was still held open for him. “You and I have different ideas about sneaking away and having adventures.”

Steve tugged him towards the stairs, “Quit it.”

They stepped down the aged, worn out double stairway revealing a large bowling alley on the basement level. Though clean, Bucky could smell the years of mustiness surrounding it. They approached the man behind a counter lined with shoes behind him, a nostalgic smile on Steve’s face. He turned to glance at Bucky, “Have you bowled before?”

The male had not, eyeing the footwear suspiciously like they were from another dimension. They all looked old and worn, the elderly worker spraying a pair before greeting them with a smile. 

“No but do we have to wear used shoes? I know I don't have a spoiled rich kid persona but I may just start because you told me to put on gross shoes.”

Steve elbowed him softly, paying for a couple of hours and getting two pairs of shoes for them. “Come on Buck, I used to love it here. I promise the next thing you’ll love me forever for. At least I hope.”

Bucky raised a brow, “Are we dumpster diving? That seems to be the road we’re on.” He gave the shoes Steve held out for him one disgusted glance before sitting down in front the lane they were assigned to at the far side. 

Steve flopped down beside him, pulling off his runners, “Oh come on, its not that bad. I promise. We’ll have to stop at a department store but I know one on the way.”

Now Bucky was really curious but the blond wouldn’t let on anything else. With a soft huff he slipped off his boots, his heels resting on the linoleum floor a few minutes while he stared at the bowling shoes next to him. He finally just gave in and put them on, lacing them while Steve moved to the console to enter their names on the selection menu. 

They played a few rounds and although Steve said he hadn’t played for years, he was embarrassingly wiping Bucky’s face across the floor. Bucky was somewhat holding his own and Steve was even showing him tips and ways to shoot. It looked easy but the ball randomly would get away from him. Didn’t help at all that he was distracted with watching Steve bend over every time it was his turn and then that sight was stuck in his head when it was his turn, instead he helplessly would shrug him shoulders when Steve would tease him for messing up an easy spare. 

“I honestly think you’re letting me win because you know how much I miss being here.”

Bucky laughed, falling into the plastic bench beside him watching him enter the NIL in the score. “I’ve never bowled before, I swear I’m not letting you win. I’m just really that bad.”

Steve seemed to accept that, for now at least, smiling at him, “You’re trying at least.”

“Do I get a gold _you tried_ sticker?”

The blond got to his feet, grinning wide, “If I can find one, yeah just for you Buck.”

Bucky stuck his tongue out at him, propping his arms out against the back rest, enjoying his favorite part of bowling. His head tilting to the side a little, thanking the gods Steve was wearing dress pants too snug for him when he was bending forward. 

  


Bucky ate his third hot dog while Steve sat cozy beside him with a basket of nachos in his hand. “Are you still grumbling about being here?”

The brunette glanced over at him, a laugh escaping him as he reached for a chip, dipping it into the thick pool of cheese. “Nah it’s actually fun even if you’re kicking my ass really badly.”

He reached for another chip, getting a prompt slap on the hand from Steve. Bucky flashed him a grin, taking a sip from his soda cup instead, “I never did ask if you had fun last night.”

Steve ducked his head when his mind immediately flashed to then dance they shared together. He pretended to fix his shoe, nodding towards him, “I did, I really did. I’m glad you asked me to come, Buck. I hope this isn’t assuming anything but if you ever feel like inviting me to something like that again, I’d love to be your plus one.”

He straightened up again, sitting back while Bucky stole another chip with a gesture, “Do you miss the stuffed duck and foie gras and all that other pretentious shit?”

The blond beamed, pressing his shoulder into Bucky’s, “I’d rather eat horrible nachos and hot dogs with you if that's all you wanted to eat, Buck.”

Bucky purposefully ignored the fluttering feeling he had in his stomach, rolling his eyes at him instead. “You’re such a sap, Rogers.”

 

“Now where are we going? Especially,” He raised the large shopping bag, “With this stuff.”

Steve only smiled softly, “It’s a surprise.”

“If you plan on using these sleeping bags in Central Park, I’m going to have to politely decline your surprise and turn my phone back on to call a cab.”

A small chuckle escaped the blond, “Now would I really do that to you Buck? It’s inside somewhere warm, I promise.”

He eyed him up and down before giving him a nod.

They stepped off the 81st street station subway stop, Bucky raising his brows curiously at Steve. The blond ignored him as he shuffled up the stairs, his own shopping bag in hand. A small timid smile appeared across Bucky’s face, jogging up the stairs before he managed to grab a hold of Steve’s forearm, stopping him at the street corner. He couldn’t help smile wider, tilting his head down the street, “Are you taking me to the museum?” 

Steve couldn’t help but grin, lips and nose already flushed red from the cold air, “I was going to wait til we got to the stairs but," Steve dramatically dropped to one knee, holding Bucky’s hand. 

Bucky’s eyes widened, taking a small step back.

“Bucky Barnes. You’re a total nerd. Will you accompany me to the Natural History museum and nerd with me?”

Bucky slapped his shoulder, yanking the male back to his feet, “You have lost your mind today. Don’t let people know I’m a nerd okay, kind of a secret, I got a reputation to hold up!” 

The blond chuckled, “Well?” 

He exhaled, shaking his head, “Oh my god of course I’ll nerd with you. Who passes up the opportunity to go see the dinosaurs or to the Planetarium?” 

They crossed the street, pausing before one of the handful of food trucks perched for the night. Bucky still couldn’t believe what just happened, a hand raking through his hair, “How much of this did you plan? Your random adventure is awfully specific to what I would like all of a sudden." 

Steve ordered two hamburgers, and leaned against the truck after he paid. He gave him a broad grin, “I was a little worried you know, that you wouldn’t want to but as soon as those gears in your head started turning at the station, I knew you were going to say yes. I wanted to do something to apologize, this seemed fitting.”

“Are you fucking kidding me, always. You can always ask me to go here. I’ll always say yes, unless you royally fucked up over something. I have standards.”

They grabbed their burgers and made their way to the porte-cochere entrance, Bucky abruptly stopping Steve at the sudden expensive realization of how much it cost to book overnight tickets here. “No way, no we can’t go.”

Steve polished off his burger, tossing the wrapper in the trash, his brows furrowed, “What are you talking about?”

“Aren’t these tickets three hundred and fifty dollars?”

He groaned, pushing Bucky towards the entrance, a guard stepped out with a grin. “There’s no returns Barnes. You can’t back out now.”

“But- ”

“Steve! Glad to see you made it!” The guard walked over to the blond, Bucky guessed he was rolling around in his md or late thirties, both embracing each other for a quick hug.

“Chris, thank you so much for this. I owe you big. This is one of my best friend’s, Bucky. Bucky this is my cousin Chris. He’s kinda sneaking us in so don’t lose your mind over the ticket prices.”

Bucky hadn’t realized he was holding his breath and had tensed up seconds prior to meeting. The brunette wringing his hands together worrying over the cost. He felt it all melt away, the realization music to his ears. He had already decided quickly there was no way he would let Steve off paying that much and would have figured out a way to pay him back forcefully. 

He took a split second to wonder if Steve's whole family bloodline were brick houses, he stuck his hand out to shake Chris', “Nice to meet you. Thanks for the opportunity, though won’t this get you in trouble?”

He chuckled with a shake of his head, “No, you’re both safe. I talked it over with the director and a couple of other higher ups. I’ve worked here long enough to get some perks. Enjoy yourselves in there.”

“Don’t have to tell me twice.” 

Steve nodded, “Me neither.”

Upon entering, they were directed to an area to drop off their stuff. A large open hall with a gigantic whale looming high up above their heads. Cots were lined up side by side of each other, belongings claimed on all but a few. They managed to find two side by side, tossing the department store bags on them with a shrug. 

“So what’s there still to do?”

Steve looked down at his own itinerary, “I made sure to get here before the Dark Universe Space show for you but we got an hour to roam if you want.”

If Steve could catch the way Bucky’s face shifted to pure happiness when the planetarium show was mentioned, he would have kept it forever. The brunette held his own sheet, pointing to the picture of dinosaurs and Steve smiled, rolling his eyes. “Are you sure I’m not in some reality where it’s possible for kids to get adult bodies and pretend at life?”

Bucky elbowed him as they hit the elevators, “Why you gotta hate my love of dinosaurs, Steve? Do you have Ornithoscelidaphobia?”

Steve gave him a look, lips pursed together with a deadpan expression, “Whatever ortho-bortho-phobia you said, I don’t think I have it.”

The elevator chimed for their floor, the pair of them walking through one of the many empty dimmed hallways, “Fear of dinosaurs. I hope you don’t though, I would have to break up with you.”

“We’re not even dating.”

“Best friend break up with you.” 

They stopped at a Tyrannosaurus exhibit, Bucky pulling out his phone to turn on and take some pictures.

Steve did the same, making a small sad noise from his throat, “Oh, I couldn’t have you best friend break up with me. We just became that. I’d go into a depression.”

The brunette paused from his camera, giving him a look before going back to taking pictures. “Has anyone ever told you how much of dick you are?”

Steve grinned, raising his phone to take a snapshot of the head, mouth open to show off its teeth, “Not as much as you like to. I guess no one else sees it.”

“Lucky me.”

Most of the exhibit was Steve following after Bucky and listening to him rattle off facts and random statistics about dinosaurs. He learned that Bucky liked Velociraptors and Utahraptors the best and he adored the slightly misrepresented Jurassic Park ones, though when he was younger he preferred the T-rex and the Albertosaurus. He learned that Bucky was as reckless as Steve’s jokes about him being were, the brunette easily stating with no hint of sarcasm that he would buy a dinosaur with his money if it were at all possible still. He also learned that Bucky ‘screamed like a little girl’ by his own admission when he watched Jurassic Park in the theaters for the first time and the raptor leaped up and pushed his head through the vent when it came after Lexi; then Bucky proceeded to panic when she was dangling out of said vent and the dinosaur almost got her. 

Steve laughed, side glancing at him with his hands shoved into his pockets. They left the room to move to the Power of Poison exhibit, “So in the last fortyish minutes I’ve learned that you’re not a small nerd, you’re a huge nerd.”

Bucky shrugged, pausing at the representation of the witches from Macbeth at their cauldron, “Just don’t tell anyone and we’re fine. I don’t have to leave you.”

Steve slung his arm around Bucky’s shoulder, “Would it really be that easy to leave me Bucks?”

The brunette gave him an annoyed look, “Yes it would be if you keep calling me money.” 

They both moved together to a display of various poisons, powders and different sized jars of different colors before them. Bucky reading each and every information card while Steve preferred just looking at them closely. 

His arm finally dropped when he checked the time, the show at the planetarium was going to be starting soon, lightly tugging Bucky away from a display. “C’mon, you wanted to see the stars.”

They quickly found some seats and it wasn’t as full as they thought considering there were at least a hundred and fifty people including them that were here tonight. The show had started and it suddenly became more than just looking at the stars. Steve spent most of the show staring at Bucky who was too busy listening to the voice over and watching the galaxies over head to even notice him. He took the unguarded moment to see _him_ , like he always did but all those times were moments he didn’t take advantage of. He took them for granted and now he wished he didn’t. No matter what he was feeling right now, be it loneliness, a crush or just some selfish moment to himself, he really did wish he had those memories to fall back on and think about. He wanted to take in the person who was taking over a little part of him that he really wasn’t planning on having in any other way but a friend but he was getting ahead of himself again. 

He lightly cleared his throat, staring up at the vast space of stars and planets trying to put himself back into some place with the story unfolding before their eyes except that he kept roaming, curiously peering at Bucky who was smiling gently in his own little world of stars. 

He wasn’t sure what had gotten into him, what these weird little feelings were but he was getting them whether he liked it or not. He could only sit back and let them take him for a little ride until he could finally decide what he could do to cause them never to escalate because that was the main fear softly gnawing inside of Steve. There was a small fact that this little _whatever it was_ that was sitting there budding inside of him was going to bloom and flourish and no matter how much he ignored it, Steve knew himself enough to know when he fell, he fell hard. 

With Tony and his mind ready to build a future with him, the love of his life, it scared him to feel even this little bit he did for Bucky because he had always been under the impression that there was no way a sane person could even have any sort of feeling like that for two people. Granted one was minor but the _what ifs_ were loud and clear, he just had to silence them sooner rather than later.

They moved to the lounge when the show was over, planning to stay awake a little before getting some rest on the hard awkward cots that clearly weren’t made for adults. Bucky wrapped his sleeping bag around him, sitting quietly as Jurassic Park started. 

The designated lounge had a few large and expansive soft padded couches accompanied with giant plush pillows and dim lighting perfect for people that weren’t going to sleep right away under the huge suspended whale. It had charging stations and drinks on hand, a list of movies playing back to back on a large screen and side tables with candle lights for alternative work or reading. 

He pulled the material tighter to him when Steve came back to settle in beside him, pressing a to-go cup of hot chocolate in hands. “You look cold.”

The brunette took the drink gratefully, taking a sip watching Steve unzip his own sleeping bag after he pulled a couple more pillows behind them on the long couch. 

“Here, let me move your sleeping bag.”

Bucky watched him silently, raising his arms slightly to do as Steve wanted. The blond moved his sleeping bag around them, pressing tight to him, draping Bucky’s over their laps, “There now you have a human heater too.”

A small laugh escaped, softly leaning his shoulder against Steve’s, “Thanks.” 

He looked back up at the screen, cup pressed at his bottom lip to take slow deliberate sips. Steve carefully watched him, admiring Bucky’s features once again. Part of him was still sifting through the emotions he was feeling but another part of him just wanted to watch Bucky like he was something entirely rare.

Steve supposed, that part was true in a way. He sighed to himself, turning to look at the screen again. He suddenly made a small noise, retrieving a small bag with large palm sized individually wrapped homemade cookies. He kept two for himself and handed Bucky two, “I stole these from the snack area before it closed up while I was on my bathroom run.”

Bucky’s eyes brightened, quickly unwrapping the chocolate chip one, inhaling the scent for a long moment before he smiled nostalgically. “Rogers..I didn’t even know they had these! I could just kiss you, I mean it.” He ducked his head to take a bite, hoping Steve didn’t see the blush creep across his face. 

Steve hadn’t though, letting out a low laugh, unwrapping his own cookie after sipping at his coffee. His mind wandered thinking about about Bucky actually doing that. He knew full well it was just an expression but a tiny tiny part of him wouldn’t have minded and then suddenly he felt guilty and completely horrible. His brows creased while his lips formed a frown across his face. He vowed to spend the rest of the evening ignoring his mind as much as he could. Pushing himself to focus on the movie playing before him letting the one last thought of how much of a mess this was linger for a second before it slipped away like a wisp of smoke.

  
  
Steve got out of the shower, a towel around his waist and one running through his hair. He changed into some boxers, turning to his phone ringing. He hesitated for a second before hitting the green button to answer it, “Bucky, hey.”

“Hey hey, I was thinking if you weren’t busy tomorrow we could check out that new action movie or see King Kong like we talked about. The name’s not coming to me about the other movie but the one we were talking about on yesterday.”

Steve felt himself sit down on the bed. He thought while Bucky was away from him things would calm down. That he was over exaggerating his feelings but he only ended up _missing_ him instead. It scared the shit out of him. He had called Tony earlier just to hear his voice and it was soothing. It made him feel normal and relaxed and he kept him on the line til the man had to really go back to work. He told Steve to come see him tomorrow if he wished and even tonight if he wanted to after work. Steve took the offer and ran with it. 

“Uh, I don’t really think I have time Bucky. I just suddenly got a lot of things on my plate. I’m going to see Tony after work and probably tomorrow too. He really wanted me to see him. I also wanted to get some more paintings done before I called that guy I had met at the party who wanted to see my portfolio.”

“Did you want to make it a dual session? I could finally paint with you like we mentioned last week.”

Steve felt the tense coil inside of him tighten, a hand raking over his face. “N-no, I think I should work on this alone, you know. Not get distracted and stuff.”

“Okay,” He heard him draw in a slow breath and what Steve felt was a forced chuckle, “Maybe the weekend then?”

“Yeah maybe, who knows. I think I may be busy then too, not sure what’s going on but I had some plans already in the making, you know?”

What was he going on about?

Bucky sounded like he deflated, “Alright. I’ll leave you alone.”

“Thanks Buck, just so busy right now.”

He made a soft sound of agreement, hanging up and suddenly Steve felt like the worse person in the whole wide world.

He laid back on the mattress, staring back at the cracks on the ceiling. He was pretty sure he saw a new one since the last time he looked.

 

“Are you okay?”

The voice startled Steve out of his thoughts, looking over to see Bruce standing beside him in the tiny lobby area between the elevators and the laboratory entry doors. He was holding a cup of tea before him, his eyes quietly studying him behind his smudged glasses.

Steve gave him a smile, the both of them standing before one of Tony’s many art pieces. “Yeah, I’m fine. Why do you ask?”

“Well,” He seemed to choose his words carefully so not to be misconstrued, taking a light sip before he turned away to look at Tony in the lab busying himself on repairing something. “You don’t usually hang around in the labs.”

He only shrugged, “Starting something new, I guess. It’s not bad, right?”

Bruce took the moment with a small thought then shook his head, “Not at all. So your plan is to hang around here until work?”

The blond hesitated and then nodded, “Keep you both company.”

Bruce gave him a soft warm smile, “We both appreciate it, especially Tony. You’re really thoughtful Steve. It’s good to see you even if you’ve been staring at that reproduction for the last forty minutes.”

Steve forced a smiled, “I really enjoy it.”

The brunette hummed in agreement, taking one last look at it before he softly patted the blond on the back, “I guess when you’ve seen it as much as I have it starts blending into the walls.”

Banner moved off to the doors entering the interior of the room, Tony glanced up before gesturing Bruce to join him for something. He gave Steve a quick wave then went back to work.

Steve gave him a small wave even though he wasn’t looking anymore, sitting down on one of the leather benches staring at his phone for a second before he set it down beside him, watching the two men working.

 

Natasha pressed up against the bar on Tuesday night, studying Steve while he poured out a couple glasses of draft beer and walked over to place them on the coasters with an automatic smile and nod. He moved to take an empty glass at the other side, wiping down the spot trying to ignore her eyes burning into him.

“Steve, are you okay?” She presented it as a question but it never did sound like a question when it came to her. It was more like a polite way of saying she expected the correct answer.

He focused on one troublesome spot on the bar that didn’t exist, “Yeah. I’m fine, just working like you are.”

Natasha folded her arms over the bar, watching him for a second before gesturing to the spot, “Looks clean enough to me. You may end up wearing a hole if you keep doing that.”

He stopped, looking over at her with tense shoulders, “What would you like Nat?”

She flashed him a small little smile, “Nothing at all.” She turned with that and went back to her customers.

Steve sighed to himself, raking a hand through his hair tiredly. He missed Bucky, occasionally looking at their doors in hopes he suddenly showed up. He had been doing it for the past two days and of course he never did. He never came to the apartment either. Or the park. He made good on his soft voiced comment to leave him alone even if he never explicitly asked him too.

It wasn’t until they were about to close that Natasha came back to the bar without an order for him. Elbows pressed against the surface, arms propped up with her hands on top of one another with her chin on top. She stared at him again and it unnerved Steve to no end. He felt like she could get in his head and read every single thing in his mind.

“Yes? Got any orders left?”

She only shook her head, staring.

He could only stand it for about five minutes, the last couple of customers heading out the door and into the cold evening.

“Okay what?”

Instead of answering him, she strolled to the door and locked them in. A simple thing that she always did when they were ready to clean up and get out of there like always. This time though, he felt like a fly in a spider’s web, her eyes never leaving him. He had no idea how she managed to make him feel like that considering she was at least a little under a foot shorter and weighed about a third of him. 

“I heard about your little excursion on Sunday night, it was kind of you to take Bucky out. He seemed a little down all day.”

Steve nodded, putting a couple of glasses away. “Well I wanted to go out and do things. Seemed like a great idea and it was.”

Natasha nodded, wiping down the tables. She had stopped staring but she still held his gaze and it was kind of maddening. 

“So, there a fight?”

That made Steve raise his head, “What? Why would there be a fight?”

The redhead only shrugged like she asked about the weather. She moved to close the window shutters all around the bar and this time Steve stood and watched her.

“Did he say we had a fight?” He tried not to sound desperate, he wasn’t sure if he succeeded in sounding _normal_.

Nat looked over her shoulder, “No, of course not. He said you were busy.”

He watched her look over the place one more time then disappear off into the kitchen to grab her coat. She came back out and headed for the door, “Have a good night Steve.”

“Uh wait for a sec Natasha, is Bucky okay?”

She held open the door and gave him a nod, “Yeah he’s fine. I would just say that whenever you finish the things you’re busy with you should give him a hello. He’s more sensitive than he looks.”

“You know that I already know that.” He blurted out automatically, then bit his lip, wondering why she was giving him the third degree over some much needed space to think about things.

Natasha seemed to raise a brow to his reaction, her lips slightly moving into a frown. Steve looked at her for a moment, feeling like she had been disappointed in him. She finally turned without another word and left.

He moved out from behind the bar and opened the front door only to find Natasha gone and out of sight. He rubbed the back of his neck in soft light circles, locking himself inside. He walked over to the till to cash out, not able to shake the feeling that he was in the wrong even though thinking about it, there was no way he was in the wrong. Was it that bad to ask for time alone?

It’s not like they weren’t practically hanging out almost every single day. He just needed a break, Bucky could understand that and - _Oh_.

Unless he didn’t.

He counted all the money and locked the cash register up again, his phone sitting heavy in his hand.

Tomorrow. He would call him tomorrow.

  
  
In the morning he sat with Sam at breakfast, barely listening to what he was going on about. He tried calling Bucky three times already, coming to the conclusion that he had some sort of childish crush but it wasn’t worth torturing Bucky over it. They were adults after all, he should be able to handle himself and it wasn’t like he wanted to do anything with him anyway.

“Hey Steve..?” 

Sam snapped his fingers in front of his eyes and Steve finally blinked, a frown reaching his face, “I’m sorry, what did you say?”

The brunette chuckled, taking a quick sip of his orange juice. “I don’t think it was too important. What’s on your mind?”

That would be all he needed, Sam knowing how he felt. He loved the man but he felt like he couldn’t admit that to anyone right now. He shrugged his shoulders, “I just feel a little stressed, I want to get some extra paintings done before I call someone I met at the party, I just don’t know if I’ll be good enough.”

Sam nodded sympathetically, patting his hand, “Whatever happens, remember it’s not the end of the world. I’m sure they’ll love your work Steve, you’re an amazing artist.”

Steve ducked his head and smiled, “You’ve always been my number two fan, I really appreciate it.”

Sam only beamed, “Right next to your ma, don’t ever forget it.”

 

He tried calling Bucky a few more times but he was always sent to voice mail. He left a few messages but he only assumed they were ignored. He did the next best thing, calling Natasha.

“Steve.”

He frowned and wondered if she already knew how many times he had been calling Bucky on his phone. “Do you know where Bucky is right now? I kind of, need to talk to him. It’s important.”

“You could call him.”

He tried his damnedest not to roll his eyes, his fist lightly pressing into the wall beside him, “Yeah, won’t work. He’s ignoring my calls. Unless he doesn’t have his phone on or with him.”

“No, he has it. I just spoke to him.”

Well, it was nice to confirm Natasha was still disappointed in him. 

“Please Nat?”

She sighed, loudly and purposefully. “He’s doing research at the Library on Fifth, you know which one, right?”

Steve nodded at the phone then sighed, feeling himself loosen up, “Thanks Nat, I owe you.”

“I know you do.”

Steve approached the library steps, jogging up them in quick succession. He forced himself to ignore the paintings and pieces. He had to find Bucky, first hitting the Reading Room on the third floor his eyes briefly looking up at the grandeur of stucco work on the ceiling before he quickly perused through the middle checking for any sign of him. 

He wasn’t here, pulling his phone out to text Natasha about his whereabouts. 

_**Natasha:** Art  & Architecture room._

Steve rolled his eyes. Of course. He checked the signs and made his way to the smaller but not so small room, looking around. His eyes finally landed on a familiar sight down by the back corner of the room. Wandering around a long shelf of books, Bucky’s eyes fixated on the spines, his face scrunched up in thought, processing a few titles before moving on to another section. Steve took the chance to get to him before he got the chance to bail out, needing to apologize for everything. At least he wasn’t going to get yelled at in a library, that was a plus.

He took the steps two at a time to the second balcony alcove. He saw Bucky disappear behind another row of steel grey shelves in an adjoining room that resembled a storage basement. More materials with longer wider shelves waited for them, bright white fluorescent lighting beaming down.

Carefully be approached the row he last saw him at, standing with his hands open only to find Bucky not there anymore. Confused, Steve looked around, the brunette walking past him out of another shelf of books without looking at him.

_What the..? When did Bucky get the jump on me?_

“What are you doing? Stalking me?”

Steve put his hands up in surrender, “No, I swear I’m not. You just weren’t answering your phone and I had to think of another way to talk to you.”

Bucky shoved past when Steve stepped up close behind him, storming through the set of overstuffed bookshelves to look for another specific book. “I figured you would get the idea when I wasn’t answering my phone.”

“Bucky..”

Bucky tilted the spine of a book, then put it back. He pulled another out, studying the back, “Don’t _Bucky_ me. You’ve been a fucking dick to me for the past couple of days. I’m not some loser chasing after your friendship.”

Steve helplessly shrugged his shoulders with a soft sigh, “Okay, I deserve that..”

“No, you deserve more than that.” He moved to the next aisle, studying the spines with narrowed eyes.

Steve followed after him, leaning his shoulder against the metal shelving staring at him. “Buck, look. I’m really sorry. I never meant to hurt your feelings, I should have told you I just wanted some peace and quiet instead of what I did say. I didn’t think about it thoroughly. I figured saying I was busy wasn’t going to be a dick thing to say.”

He watched Bucky pull a couple of books to look at the backs of them before putting one back. 

“I don’t care what you do. I would just rather be told the truth. If I did or said something wrong on Sunday, I would like to know what it was, you know?” 

He moved to leave for the next aisle, Steve reaching over and to grab his upper arm and tug him back. He softened his grip, placing his free hand on his other arm when Bucky looked at him.

“Look at me when I say this; you never said or did anything wrong. I promise. You couldn’t do anything wrong around me. Trust me.”

Bucky rolled his eyes and Steve could only smile at him. “I’m going to hug you now, please don’t knee me in the crotch.”

The brunette made a small noise of protest before Steve pulled him tightly to his chest, books pressed hard into him but he refused to worry about it. 

“I’m sorry, okay?”

Bucky nodded against him, “Yeah yeah, okay you can let go of me now.”

Steve grinned wide, bear-hugging him tighter. “No! I haven’t hugged my Bucky Bear for two days, I can’t let you go!”

“Okay, now I may knee you in the crotch.”

It was at that moment Bucky realized there was no friction against his face and skin and he froze, his hands moving up to touch Steve’s face. Steve for his part, drew back in confusion, letting Bucky cup his cheeks.

“Buck?”

“You shaved your face!”

Steve’s eyes widened, “Yes? Did I do something wrong?”

Bucky couldn’t help run his knuckles over the smooth surface of his jaw, his eyes sad, “Why’d you shave it? You looked good with it.”

Steve couldn’t help but feel the heat rush to his cheeks, Bucky suddenly backing off and letting his hands drop to his sides, “Sorry, but you did look good with it.”

Steve tried to ignore the fact that Bucky’s voice went into a whine while he complained, it made his stomach feel tight. He chuckled, nodding his head, “I’m so used to it being shaved off, I was just being lazy when I went to the party with a thin beard. If you want me to, I’ll grow it out.”

The brunette let out a soft huff of air, “Nah, do what you want.” 

He turned back to the books, running his fingers against the spines. Steve leaned close, perching his chin on Bucky’s shoulder, “Aw, you don’t really miss it then?”

Bucky shoved his palm into his face, pushing him away. “I just said you look good, let’s not get excited about it.”

His heart was racing so fast he was keeping Steve at bay as much as he could. He loved the way Steve looked in a beard, he was awfully good looking with one. Heck even without one he was but there was something about how sinful he looked with it that made Bucky want to curl his toes at the thought.

_Or the beard burn you could get if he went down between your thighs.._

A blush spread across Bucky’s face, his eyes quickly looking over to where Steve was. The blond had wandered off to the bench at the end of the aisle, flipping through a book. Bucky turned his back to block the view Steve could possibly get with his body knowing he was sporting something he definitely didn’t want his best friend seeing. That beard though, he was truly mourning the death of that newly grown beard.

  
  
Bucky emerged from the bathroom and moved down the hallway freshly showered, his hair toweled in some new wave do’ he didn’t bother fixing. Steve took a moment to glance over to him before finishing up the lines on his pencil drawing; laid out with a couple of extra pillows propping his head up, one knee bent for his book as he rested on his back comfortably. He watched Bucky lay back next to him, curling his head towards him to look at the sketchbook, their arms pressed firmly side by side. 

Tonight he was drawing Tony, sitting and working on one of his robots. He never needed him to pose doing that anymore, seeing the sight a million times it was burnt into his brain. It was one of his favorite moments of him. 

“It looks good."

Bucky shifted his eyes to quietly stare at Steve intently involved in his work. Steve felt fingers twitch against his and he couldn't help but give Bucky a smile. 

“Even though I’ve drawn him working on his stuff in the last few pictures? Not getting repetitive?” He closed his book, tucking it and his pencil onto the night table. Turning off the light, laying back with the blanket. He turned his head to the side, his cheek rubbing against the pillow as he stared back at Bucky. 

“Nah, you should always do what you enjoy. I’ll take that motto to my grave.”

Bucky himself turned his own head to properly look back, a decent enough space between their heads but close enough to lean in if Steve had wanted to. Which he realized was a horrible thought a second after thinking it. 

“I need more muses besides Tony.”

He felt a soft shiver run through him as Bucky softly brushed his fingers along Steve's palm. It wasn’t exactly something he would have considered intimate. It was more of a curious touch, like the first night they laid down together. Steve's own hand closed in around his fingers to feel them, their palms pressed together until Bucky shifted his hand to run the back of his knuckles down the heel of Steve’s own hand and along his inner wrist. 

“Hmm. There’s me and Sam you could use. Also Nat or Clint. Or possibly Lucky could be your muse.”

That shiver came back stronger and almost exploded out of the blond, his eyes not leaving Bucky’s, feeling his heart beat a little faster. Bucky’s knuckles fell back and Steve fought back the urge to noise a complaint. The brunette curled his fingers against his in a timid hesitating sense, his eyes searching his face. Steve wouldn't let him draw back this time, sliding his fingers to slot into his so they held hands, crossing each other at the wrists. 

“I guess we’ll see when it hits me, huh?”

Bucky nodded back at him and it didn’t take very long for Bucky to fall asleep, his eyes almost immediately closing losing himself to the comfort of their hands still tangled together. Steve watched his chest rise and fall slowly, his breathing shallow. Being the first night in bed with him after really thinking about his feelings, he didn’t feel as bad as he thought he might. He was more aware of the implication Sam was raising his brow at or especially what Tony got mad about but really they weren’t even doing anything wrong. Steve wouldn’t let that happen and he was quite sure Bucky wasn’t into him like that. They were definitely incompatible in the relationship department and that quelled a lot of ideas Steve had worried about when he did have time to think about getting the wrong idea of sleeping together. No, they both seemed to be on the same page like this and he was glad. 

Steve yawned deeply, letting his eyes slowly close. He didn’t want to change things between them, he liked it just the way it was.

It had been a few lost hours, Bucky slowly waking up in the middle of the night feeling Steve pressed against his back. This wasn't new, the internal click in his head was though. He wasn’t having a bad dream, he wasn’t sure what it was that caused him to wake up and feel _different_. 

Carefully, slowly, he moved under the arm draped over his waist turning to face and curl up against Steve’s chest but the light from the outside world showed him two open eyes revealing themselves staring back at him. 

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up."

Steve smiled sleepily, slow and lazy, a half whisper that it was okay. His arms only tightened around Bucky, his fingers making soft slow circles against the back of Bucky's t-shirt and Bucky himself couldn't help but tuck his arms up in between their chests letting Steve trap him. He felt completely safe, not worried about waking up in terror. He never let it prominently worry him but it always sat there lurking the moment he wanted to close his eyes. The worry he wouldn’t sleep because he would wake up sweating and shaking in the middle of the night with his throat hoarse from the screams that came out of him. It was a stupid thought really, but he felt like he belonged right there. It was almost like he was safe. Maybe his safety was broken right now and belonged to someone else but to Bucky, Steve still felt like he was _home_.

  
  
Steve stood outside of the bar, just taking a breather. The night was pretty subdued and he was about to be off his shift. The evening crowd was going to start coming in soon but for now Pietro had a handle on it. 

He scanned the streets knowing Bucky had been somewhere close on his way, the familiar tingle on his skin made him turn the opposite direction seeing Bucky a block or so down. He was talking to a male who was a couple of inches shorter than him. He was muscular but had the body of a boxer, lean and agile. His hair dark, his face rough and stern, five day old stubble wearing around his features, leaning in close to Bucky's face. Bucky didn't seem all too bothered by it, their eyes locked in a deep conversation, Bucky only nodding a few times, taking a drag of the cigarette the mystery man offered him. He nodded again, exhaling into the sky above him then handing it back to the guy. 

Steve felt his hackles raise when he watched the guy wrap his arm around Bucky's shoulders, leaning in closer, practically touching foreheads. To Bucky's credit, he never seemed to be looking at the man in any intimate way, mainly staring at the ground or locking eyes to speak his peace then he seemed to be thinking to himself. They both broke out in laughter over something and the mystery person slapped him on the back, straightening himself up. 

Bucky planted his hand on the male's shoulder, gripping firmly, chatting on about something rather amusing to him while the guy smoked, nodding at him, his eyes squinting to the smoke. Bucky suddenly smiled widely at him, that sweet unguarded smile he had that Steve had picked up many times when he was just relaxed and happy. He said something else and suddenly kissed the man on the cheek, sweet and chaste then grinned at him again. Steve saw the guy furrow his brows pretending to look mad but he reached his hand over to card his fingers lightly across the bangs falling forward on Bucky’s face. He tilted his head back this time to keep the smoke from going into his eyes while the cigarette stayed between the corner of his lips muttering something else and Bucky could only look at him with a smile.

Steve felt a pang of jealousy wash over him, his hands balling into fists. He tried to calm himself down, averting his eyes to the cars passing before him, exhaling slowly. The reaction came to him so suddenly and so fast he didn’t even have time to scold himself for even _feeling_ it. How could he even do that? He huffed out in frustration, staring at the bar through the window not knowing how to deal with it.

He turned his head back to the pair of them, Bucky nodding to something, his eyes scanning around and before Steve could dive back inside. They locked onto each other and Bucky's face turned into Christmas, he was literally beaming at him. Steve's heart stopped in his chest, immediately smiling back. 

The mystery man looked over as well for a second, eyeing him with what Steve could only take as suspicious before he said something to Bucky and the male playfully punched his chest with a smile. They said a word or two then parted ways, he gave Steve one more (warning?) look then was on his way down the opposite direction.

Bucky quickly made his way over, Steve’s head gesturing in his companion’s direction, "Who was that?"

"That was Brock Rumlow."

"He looked like he wanted to stab me in the face."

"He prolly did. That would be Rummy for you. I wasn't joking when I said you would remember him if you met him." Bucky softly patted Steve on his cheek in sympathy while he was still watching Brock walk down the street.

Steve gave him an incredulous look, “You seriously want me over for dinner with that guy in the same room?”

A laugh escaped Bucky, not making him feel any better; he let the him tug his body back inside, “Yeah. I know, right?”

All Steve was thinking about was that Brock was a thick wall of muscle and the look he had given Steve was interlaced with what seemed to be much more than just a glare. He was over thinking it, maybe. He wasn’t completely sure but it nagged at him completely missing the wedge of lime bouncing off his forehead with a wet slap after he was inside.

He turned his head to look towards the bar, Pietro laughing and clutching his side. “Your face prietenul meu!”

Bucky raised his brows, his eyes lighting up. “Vorbiti Romaneste?! De unde sunteti?”

Pietro grinned, wide and welcoming, putting his hands out towards Bucky, “Da! M-am nascut in Sokovia.”

Steve froze, staring at the both of them. “Oh god.”

He stared at the both of them grinning like fools and speaking back and forth to each other. After all the Romanian he heard Pietro let off, he knew right away it was Bucky that was giving him some weird attraction to hearing the language being spoken. Something stirred inside of him that told him that he didn’t want them to stop talking, namely didn’t want Bucky to stop talking, even if he really felt left out of the conversation. 

Pietro grinned, spouting out a mouthful while Bucky leaned in listening intently against the bar. Steve slowly moved to lean against the bar next to him, glancing over at Pietro gesturing with his hands and pointing in some direction and making random shapes in the air. Bucky nodded away, agreeing every few minutes with an elbow on the counter top, chin resting on his hand. They both laughed softly, grinning at each other before Bucky smirked at him, pointing his finger with a thought.

He began talking a long string of Romanian back to Pietro and Steve felt a lump in his throat. He watched the way Bucky smiled as he spoke, a flick of his tongue occasionally swiping across his bottom lip. His hands made similar gestures to Pietro’s and he shrugged a little at moments with a small tilt of his head but it was his mouth that Steve had fixated on and the way he was speaking. It only took him a minute to realize he was getting uncomfortable for a whole other reason, eyes trying not to be too obvious as they widened in surprise, bottom lip clamped down between his teeth almost painfully. He silently cursed to himself, quickly scooting into the bar stool so he could use his arms to drape over his lap and bunch his apron without it looking like he was concealing his embarrassing erection. 

He cursed up and down at himself, trying to come up with different thoughts instead of the idea of Bucky talking in god forsaken Romanian in his ear like a tease he knew he could be. He prayed something came and crushed him right now, he just needed an out. The pair of them kept on chatting and Steve wanted to punch himself in the face and in the crotch simultaneously. 

In his moment of excitement Bucky had completely forgotten about Steve sitting there looking flushed and spaced out. He watched Pietro go help a customer before he lightly hit Steve’s arm to snap him back, feeling a little guilty seeing how hunched over and bored he looked. 

“Sorry, about that. I was really surprised Pietro spoke the same language as me, did I piss you off? You look red. Really red.”

Steve reached a hand over his cheek and quickly shook his head, “No, I just had no idea what was being said. It’s just hot in here.”

Bucky grinned, “You’re just a walking heater.” 

“Yeah..” He trailed off, smiling at back at him.

  
  
Steve tapped his pencil repeatedly on his canvas glaring at the blank white space for a long moment before he felt Bucky nudge his arm lightly. He glanced over with a raised brow, the brunette giving him a curious shrug, “You look distracted.”

Steve could only make a confused gesture, both of them waiting for their model to come out and Ms. Hill to begin class. 

“Steve seriously, what’s up? You haven’t even told me why exactly you wanted to have alone time, I know you said you were nervous and feeling pressured but there’s something else.”

Pursing his lips, Steve dropped his pencil down on the lip of the easel with a shake of his head, “I don’t know Buck. Honest.” He dragged a hand through his hair damn well knowing there was no way he could admit having some childish crush on his friend especially when he has a boyfriend to think about that he has no plans to leave or stop caring about. The jittery weird feeling when the thoughts did cross his mind about Bucky was becoming noticeable though, probably why he wanted the time away from him.

Bucky glanced at his shoes in thought, slowly glancing at him, “If you really think you need time to yourself, you should take it, I don’t want you to feel like you need to me to feel better or anything.”

Steve smiled, reaching a hand to lightly nudge his fingers at Bucky’s arm, “Yeah, maybe you didn’t notice but I missed you. You’re not the problem. I’m the problem. I don’t think you have anything to worry about in relation to that.”

Bucky smiled shyly at him, eventually giving him a nod. “Do you, I mean would you want to paint with me this weekend? Get some work done?”

The pair of them froze when Ms. Hill finally arrived with a new model, talking for a few minutes before they disrobed and everyone got to work, Steve immediately starting his outlines with his tongue predictably sticking out as he concentrated. Bucky carried on doing the same, forgetting about his question to sink himself into his work.

“And yeah, I’d love to paint with you this weekend. By the way, have you done anything with this guy?”

Bucky glanced at the blond for a second, confused and wondering if he was serious, suddenly frowning at the implication. “Wow, horrible joke. Really.”

Steve grinned, not lifting his eyes off his work, “I dunno Buck, had to ask. Make sure we weren’t running into another ex-lover.”

He shook his head, rolling his eyes, “Asshole.”

“Isn’t that where you’re usually at anyway?”

“Steve!” Bucky gasped out in surprise, his eyes quickly snapping to heads turned in his direction. “Sorry.”

The brunette ducked his head down, hiding behind the canvas the best he could, eyes glaring angrily at Steve who grinned without looking over. “Why are we even friends?”

The blond chuckled softly, “Because deep down you love me, don’t even try to deny it.” 

An annoyed huff escaped him, reaching for Steve’s thigh, pinching him as hard as possible. A surprised yelp escaped the blond, slapping the hand away immediately with a scowl. Bucky flashed him an innocent, sweet smile before going back to his work. Steve shoved him lightly, Bucky swinging his hand out to slap him directly into his left pectoral. The blond grabbed his arm, yanking him a little too hard causing Bucky to fall out of his chair.

“Shit.”

Bucky stared up at Steve in mild betrayal, a laugh escaping him though his tailbone felt a little pained.

“I’m sorry.” He put his hands out to help Bucky up, only to get them slapped at, climbing back into his seat on his own. 

They both froze at the sound of Ms. Hill clearing her throat behind them. “I’m sorry boys but I can’t have you both interrupting the class and breaking concentration, perhaps next week is a better time for the pair of you to gather your wits about you.”

Neither bothered arguing, gathering up their supplies before footing it out the door. 

“Fuck, if we keep getting kicked out there’s no point in paying for these damn classes.”

“Hey, Sam didn’t kick us out yesterday at least.”

“That’s because he felt sorry for you, how do you end up messing ceviche up anyway?”

“Me? You’re my partner! You’re supposed to tell me I’m doing something wrong!”

“Steve! Oh my god. I told you I was going to go to the bathroom, when I asked if you put the dish in the fridge to marinade what did you think I was talking about?”

Steve pouted, hating this conversation. He climbed onto his bike, Bucky resting a hand on his shoulder to slide on behind him. “I seriously didn’t realize you meant the fish, I thought you meant the dressing for the mustard emulsion. I thought we just had extra snapper!” He pulled his helmet on, starting the engine. 

Bucky shook his head with a sigh, holding his helmet above his head, “Remind me to never let you cook for me.”

The blond gave him the finger, waiting till both of Bucky’s arms moved securely around his chest before taking off down the road.

  
  
Bucky woke up with a start, feeling someone violently shaking him. 

“Bucky! Bucky wake up, please get up!”

He felt himself get pulled to sit up, his head flopping back for a moment. “Steve? What’s going on?” 

He couldn’t hear any alarms, feeling Steve’s strong arms hook under his own arms and drag him out of bed. “You gotta get up, I don’t care if you want to go back to sleep, you just can’t do it in the bed okay?”

He let his legs half move him while Steve did the rest, a blanket at his side. “What?”

He felt himself get rushed through the hall then he was sitting on the couch, Steve kneeling in front of him. He pressed a warm hand on his cheek and Bucky sleepily leaned into it. “Why’d you move me? I was comfy.”

“Tony’s on his way over.”

That soft lull of perfect bliss suddenly fizzed out, his eyes blinking a second before they opened wide. “What?! Do you want me to leave?”

Forgetting where he was, he began to quickly look for a change of his clothes, but Steve kept him sitting. “No, as long as you’re not in the bedroom it should be okay. I don’t want you to leave, I just don’t want him to get upset again so I had to move you, okay?”

The brunette nodded slowly, letting himself fall back on the couch. “I feel like we’re sneaking around and doing something bad when we’re not.”

Steve chuckled, giving his hand a squeeze, “You’re telling me.”

Something suddenly dawned on him and he sat up again, “Shit, I should go. He prolly wants to fuck.”

“What?”

Bucky swung his legs back to the floor, rubbing his eyes to wake up, his hands raking through his hair. “Shit, sorry. That’s why he comes over right? So you two can hang out and do stuff. I like you Steve but once was enough. Pretending to watch tv while that’s going on, kinda weird.”

Steve stepped back as Bucky pulled himself shakily to his feet, “Buck, I’m not going to kick you out so I can have sex with my boyfriend.”

Bucky smiled at him, “It’s okay. I’d kick you out to have sex.” He moved to the hallway, heading into the bedroom to get his clothes. He tugged his t-shirt off, pulling on the one from last night.

“Would you really?”

The brunette glanced over his shoulder with a small smile, shaking his head. “No.” He changed his pants and shrugged on his leather jacket.

“You really don’t have to leave, Buck.”

He smiled wider, “What kind of friend am I if I hung around and denied you sex?”

Stooping down, he picked up his backpack from off the floor and righted himself, zipping it closed. Steve froze completely when Bucky suddenly leaned in, lips brushing his temple and felt everything completely slow down for him, his hand suddenly brushing the warmed spot.

“Buck?”

But he wasn’t there anymore, instead at the front door slipping his shoes on. “Yeah?”

Steve turned to look at him, bewildered with his hand pressed on the spot, “Did you just..?”

Bucky gave him a confused look, turning the bolt on the front door, “Did I what?”

_Did you just kiss my forehead?_

Steve looked at him for a moment, Bucky waiting for him to elaborate. It was so fast and sudden, had he imagined it? Bucky gave him a confused shrug, gesturing him to continue but Steve only rubbed the spot in silence. “Nothing, never mind. I forgot what I was gonna ask.”

“Well, if you remember, text it to me.” He opened the door, just to see Tony standing with a bouquet of flowers. “Oh Stark, for me? You shouldn’t have.”

Tony let out a loud laugh, “Yeah right, Barnes. These are for the only guy that deserves flowers.”

Bucky smirked, wiggling around Tony and his large armful of red, peach and pink roses, “Looks like I’m out of here with perfect timing. Later Steve. Stark.”

Waving a goodbye, Steve accepted his armful of flowers, taking them over to the kitchen table. “You really shouldn’t have Tony. They look so nice though, thank you so much.”

He moved back to Tony, giving him a kiss, the brunette gesturing to the blanket on the couch.

“Oh! Yeah I forgot to put that away, sorry excuse me.”

Steve tore around to the front of the couch, folding the blanket and taking it to the bedroom to toss on top of the bed.

“Does Barnes sleep on your couch a lot?”

Steve shrugged, moving to the kitchen. He retrieved two mugs, setting them down with a smile, “We have some outside classes together so he comes over and we watch movies.” 

Tony sat down on the couch, “Because he can’t get his driver to take him home, huh?”

Steve watched the coffee brew for the first cup, glancing over tentatively. “I don’t think he has a driver and I don’t think Bucky’s like that. He’s usually using public transit or walking around the city as far as I know. Anyway, are we going to talk about Bucky or focus on each other?”

The brunette looked over at him with a warm smile, “Each other of course, until we’re ready to talk about me again.”

Steve hummed to himself appreciatively, taking both filled mugs after mixing in some milk and sugar for himself over to the couch. He looked back at the flowers again before he took a sip of his coffee, “I really love those flowers, Tony. You didn’t have to.”

He brought an arm around Steve’s waist, “Oh yes I did. After Sunday I was thinking about what I had said especially since you decided to shut your phone off for the night and I wanted to say sorry. I’m terrible with apologies and all that stuff. You know how I get, Babe.”

He curled in closer to Tony, settling in with him and the remote, trying to look for something to watch. “I know exactly how you get, so you should quit doing it even though I know you won’t.”

“What can I say? I’m a man with certain qualities I just can’t get rid of. They’re endearing.”

“Is _that_ what they call it nowadays?”

Tony grinned and nodded, taking a slow sip of his coffee before he leaned in to plant a kiss on Steve’s cheek, “If you’re up for it, I can show you some other things you find endearing about me.”

  
  
Steve was on cloud nine. He had Tony all to himself from morning until his shift at five. They had spent most of it in bed together and he was utterly and completely in love with him, he had already knew that but with all the weird emotions about Bucky he had to know for sure. Any worry or dread that was growing in the back of his mind was gone and he realized his child school crush on Bucky was just that, a crush. Definitely a crush. There was no deep meaning, no secret plan the universe had for him and Bucky, it was just an honest and simple idea that was there because Bucky was a _good friend_. He felt so relieved at the realization and glad he could get a handle on his life again without that hang up. Tony was here with him, Bucky was not and even though he would still get to do things with Bucky, he was entirely sure when he saw his friend again everything would be great and his feelings wouldn’t arise anymore. He was completely and utterly happy, nothing else mattered to him.

The alarm on his phone went off, both bodies emitting annoyed groans.

“I’m telling you, quit your job and come live with me. No one can bother us and we can lay in bed all day with no worries.”

Steve squirmed in Tony’s arms, a dreamy sigh slipping from his lips before he leaned in to plant another kiss with his arms going around the brunette’s neck. “That sounds just so perfect I may just consider that.”

Tony raised his brows, “Really?”

All Steve could do was smile at him, nuzzling his nose with a small whine of a noise, “No, but I wish I wouldn’t go crazy just laying around and doing nothing.”

The brunette chuckled, fingers reaching out to stroke Steve’s cheek, “I can’t say I know the feeling, you know me, constantly moving most of the time so I know you can’t sit around and I can’t blame you. I can love you though and keep asking you. Who knows, maybe one day you will give in.”

Steve smiled lazily, “Maybe.” He pulled himself out of bed strolling naked as the day he was born towards the bathroom.

“Now _that_ I would definitely love to see every time I woke up.”

The blond rolled his eyes, glancing over his shoulder at him, “At least before you leave come have a shower with me, Tony Stark shouldn’t leave without one.”

Tony grinned, climbing out of bed after him, “Can’t argue with that logic.”

 

Friday was the wrong day to be here but Bucky needed to talk, even though as soon as he arrived he wanted to bolt out of there. The office was simple, soft beige walls with neutral serene scenic pictures hung about sparingly. A large wooden desk to one side, a couple of bookshelves sat to the corner with various psychology books and files. Some of the shelves beside them held decorative knick knacks to fill in the space. Bucky was sitting down on a butter soft leather couch, worn and used but it was taken care of, still in a good condition that didn’t cause it to look battered or old, it reminded him of something that was better with the age. Before that couch was a high back chair, a white color with a thin minuscule wood colored outline and wooden legs. A woman filled that space, long legs in black pumps. There was enough room to place a table between them if needed but the coffee table was more to the empty side of the couch, he was told it was better when there weren’t obstacles between the both of them.

"What are you thinking?"

Bucky sat slightly forward on the couch, fingers fiddling with each other, "Nothing at all."

“You asked to be here. We could have easily had this conversation on Monday like we usually do.”

“Yeah, I know. I don’t really know why I had to come today."

"Would you like to know what I think?"

The brunette only shrugged, one hand gesturing to go on to the woman sitting before him in a cream colored blouse and black pencil skirt, a leather clad ledger in her lap that if she tilted up would have had her name in cursive across the front, _Dr. Virginia Potts_ though she had already told him to call her Pepper. Her strawberry blond hair neatly put back into a bun, bangs swept to the sides and tucked behind her ears. 

"Maybe you’re starting to trust that I’m not here to judge or use the information you give me against you. That maybe somewhere inside you, you’re beginning to understand that. I know you weren’t trying to do that to yourself, which is good but there's something you're still holding on to. Something else that’s causing all the episodes you have. I know you have a lot of pressure with your family but these things are not going to right themselves out on their own. It's not going to help keeping them to yourself and I'm here to talk. I don't report to anyone else except to tell them you checked yourself in for our mandatory meetings and that you clearly are of sound mind."

He smiled his condescending smile, that smile the doctor knew so well that was used when you had to have some image to uphold on the front of magazines. She knew enough about Bucky to understand he had to pose for pictures with his socialite mother and play the perfect family game, she was just not sure what degree of imperfect it was. Bucky was fully aware that she knew that, the crinkle gone from the corner of his eyes because that smile didn't reach that far although it was toothy and wide and evidently told people _he was glad to be here_.

"I'm fine."

“James.” 

Bucky tensed, James was his family name. No one called him that except his family, granted that meaning was dragged through and completely garbage now considering who he thought was really family. His parents called him James, Nat sometimes called him James, hell even Steve on occasion called him James. He wasn’t really sure what it meant really anymore. Sometimes it was with endearment. Sometimes it was out of a lecture. Sometimes it was people trying to be his friend not realizing how much he preferred outsiders to not call him that. 

“Bucky.”

He didn’t realize he was holding his breath. He let it out slowly, his eyes looking across from him again. She was writing in her notepad, he assumed probably that he wouldn’t answer to James. That was good. It wasn’t that he didn’t like her, he just didn’t _know_ her and he didn’t plan to get chummy with someone he didn’t choose. 

“How are you feeling today?”

He rubbed his thumbs against the pads of his fingers like he was feeling for grains of sand, or a new texture, “I’m feeling okay.”

“Just okay?”

“I dunno. My mind is kind of going crazy lately. I kinda happened to run into a guy I used to go to the same school with and I had a really long crush on him.”

“How long?”

Bucky rubbed the back of his neck, “Uh, a while. At least five years, maybe more. I guess when we weren’t talking after graduation I could count that out..I think..”

Dr. Potts gave him a reassuring smile, “If you still thought about him after graduation, it was still a tiny crush and there’s nothing wrong with that. Go on.”

He winced slightly, “Do you even want to hear about this stuff, its kinda kid stuff and I don’t think you were assigned to me to hear about this junk.”

She rested her pen down, “We’re here to talk about whatever’s on your mind. My job is to assess if you are a risk, the best way for me to do that is when you speak and are at ease with me. Talking about your crush is more than acceptable. Consider me, a verbal diary of sorts.”

He raked a hand through his hair, suddenly feeling nervous, "Well it’s nothing much. We just started talking again and it was weird. I thought I was over him, even with the crush I had on him. I just figured, I really don’t know what I figured honestly..I just..”

His psychologist gently raised a hand, silently stopping him. She gave him a gentle smile, lowering her hand slightly causing Bucky to relax, his raised shoulders dropping back down. 

“Just breathe for a moment, then continue.”

He nodded to her, drawing in a breath, releasing it slowly. 

“Basically, we started hanging out and he has a boyfriend. Though, he’s kinda a dickbag if you ask me but that’s besides the point. Anyway, yeah. I still like him. It’s great to be around him,” Bucky looked up at the ceiling, pushing his hands against the cushions he sat on. “It’s really great. It’s also a little terrifying.”

He watched her scoot closer in her chair, “Why’s it terrifying?”

“Because I like him and its weird how attached we got to each other. We’ve started sleeping in his bed, not like that, just sleeping and the first night I had a nightmare. Sometimes they freak the shit out of me so it takes me a while to go back to sleep, or I take a pill _(or two, or I drink)_ to calm myself down. He was there for me, and calmed me down so quick that I could barely realize what happened. I pretty much fell asleep immediately after that.”

He watched her jot down some notes and Bucky felt himself chew down on his lip. She glanced up at him, giving him a careful smile, “I write notes so I know what you like talking about and what you don’t like. Also what we could possibly talk about so you’re comfortable with me. Do you worry about the implications of sharing a bed with him especially with how at ease you are after he calms you down so easily?”

Grey blue eyes studied the degrees on the wall for a moment before shrugging softly, “I’m not a homewrecker. I will never do anything to make Steve think I wouldn’t mind being his thing on the side and Steve isn’t like that at all. He’s head over heels for his boyfriend but it is a little weird that he can calm me down so easily when we barely knew each other. It’s conflicting in my head. We’re best friends, isn’t that fucked up?”

She shook her head at him, “Not at all. So your platonic relationship conflicts a little with your feelings, but you are willing to do that to have the friendship, is that accurate?”

“Yeah, pretty much.”

“Are you afraid of ruining a relationship he’s already in? Or perhaps, do you think you have ceased the idea of being in one yourself. From our last session, you had mentioned you don’t exactly date much yet you have plenty of bedroom activity under your belt.”

Bucky ducked his head, knowing she was smiling at him, not with judgment but more in a way that friends do when sharing a joke.

He played with the frayed edges of his black hoodie finally just giving a small shrug, “I worry a little about the first one. The second one is more of a personal preference and not related to Steve, but I do feel better around him. It’s different with people like Nat and Clint, even when I see Brock, they’re like family.” He let out a small laugh at the mention of Rumlow, “Sometimes I think he would bury a body for me. With Steve, it’s...it’s..”

“He makes you feel special?”

He nodded, dropping his head forward to bury his face into his hands, his elbows propped onto his thighs. “I just don’t really understand it.” He muttered out through his palms.

Pepper stood up, bringing her chair closer to sit directly in front of him, the wide space between them closed off and she sat herself down again making sure not to touch him physically in any way to keep him comfortable, a gentle serene smile on her face. 

Bucky curiously looked up, mildly confused at the move and look on her face more puzzled than anything.

She folded her hands over her notepad, “Bucky, it’s completely alright to feel like that and you don’t have to feel guilty. You respect each other and you have boundaries just like he has and both of you respect them. You are safe to feel that level of validation from him without wondering if you’re _allowed_ to have that feeling. No one has the right to cause you to question yourself on it. I am sure he has moments where he feels the same, it would be why you both connect so well in such a short distance of time.”

Bucky shrugged his shoulders again, still not sure if he really felt comfortable letting himself feel special around Steve, “It’s still weird to me though. If you want the honest truth, it’s really easy for me to detach myself and it kinda scares me when I do.”

Dr. Potts only nodded sympathetically, “I understand but I want you to realize that that’s something negative you’ve learned and can easily be unlearned if you allow it. Perhaps right now you are happy with your current situation to have your detachments aside from your family and close friends but later on you may want to expand and perhaps meet someone, you won’t know that unless you open yourself up to it.”

He only nodded to her, lips tucked away into a thin line as he sank back in the sofa lost in his head for a moment. He understood what she was saying, it made sense. It wasn’t demanding or even hard what she was suggesting. The only problem was that if you asked Bucky right at that moment if he wanted to meet someone he would have probably said no and then kept the light on for Steve because he was that much of an idiot.

 

Steve’s whole work shift went off with a hitch, he was all smiles and back to his old self. Everything was like how it should be and Steve felt like he was untouchable. He mixed two vodka martini’s, sliding them on coasters to two ladies chatting it up with him and Pietro. 

Friday was, as usual, jam packed to the rafters with the booze and karaoke crowd and he was having fun listening to the music and serving for the crowd, yet occasionally when there was a lull his mind wandered. Sometimes to the stage, sometimes towards the front doors and a few times just to his phone. He hadn’t heard from Bucky all day and he wondered just what his friend was doing.

“You can go make your call to whoever you’re staring at your phone for. I got it here for a few minutes.”

Steve gave Pietro a grateful nod, telling himself he was only checking up on Bucky to see if he was doing okay. It never hurt to be a concerned best friend. He moved into the kitchen area, his fingers drummed the wall unconsciously after the third ring, his eyes gazing up at the ceiling as he began to chew on his lip. 

Finally on the fourth ring Bucky answered, laughing at something on his end. “Steve?! Hey hold on, I won’t be able to hear you- ”

Steve listened to a group of people cheering before the noise and music died down, a door closing.

“Steve? Still there?”

Steve felt himself fall against the wall, a feeling of relief slipping into him. “Yeah Buck, I’m still here. Did I catch you at a bad time?”

Obviously he did but he didn’t exactly want to call it out and make himself leave the call.

“Nah, I’m at some house party I was invited to.” He laughed softly, “To tell you the truth, I don’t know anyone here. Someone I know just invited me but I lost track of him a while ago, I was thinking about heading back before I started drinking somewhere I really didn’t know, you know?” 

Steve’s brows furrowed, “Heading back? Where are you exactly?”

“Greenwich.”

“Connecticut?”

“Yeah, like I said friend of a friend kind of stuff. Most of this house is already trashed, I’m expecting cops any minute really, this neighborhood is pretty pricey, I’m very sure they’re on speed dial for shit like this. I think I should head out before they show up.”

“Oh my god Buck.” A groan escaped Steve, rubbing a hand over his face. “Yes, get out of there. If you aren’t arrested by association, you want to come drop by work?” Steve’s eyes snapped forward realizing what he said before he said it, it was so easy, so automatic but he quickly shrugged it off as casual.

Bucky lightly chuckled, the sound of a window opening, “Yeah, I’m going to take this route and get out of here. Stark not coming back?”

“Was that a window? Please tell me you’re on the main floor doing that. And no, he hung out the whole day til I had to come in for work. He said he had a meeting in the morning.”

“Yes, I’m on the main floor Mom. Nice, you got sex all day! See? Good thing I hauled ass out of there, I got your back Rogers.”

A laugh escaped Steve, listening to Bucky struggle to get out slightly before the sound of the window shutting was heard, giving his head a light shake, “Yeah yeah you always have my back Buck, I’ll see you in a while.”

They hung up just as he saw Pietro waving him to come back with a smile that looked a little too wide which meant he was getting way too many orders even for him. Steve shoved his phone into his back pocket, signalling that he was coming. He jogged through some people grinning again and back to his good mood, if his night had gone just a touch better, he didn’t notice all too much.

 

Bucky moved past the armful of people loitering and smoking by the doors to get inside the bar, his sights immediately landing on Steve in a way too fucking tight dark blue Henley and nothing else underneath, all of his buttons undone at the top, the fabric stretching across his pecs like a perfect wet dream. 

Bucky let a small laugh loose to himself, palming a hand over his face in embarrassment, he hadn’t even been able to move down to the tight blue jeans he was wearing. He couldn’t see his butt from the distance especially with the bar top in the way but when he turned the sight of his muscular back clinging desperately to his shirt was all he really needed. 

_Okay, calm down._

He glanced over to the stage, a girl singing some pop song he didn’t even recognize. He bee-lined for one of the open stools at the end of the bar, tucking himself in. Immediately he removed his leather jacket, the air thick with body heat and the smell of alcohol.

A feeling to move his head caused Steve to land his eyes on Bucky who gave him a crooked sweet smile near the end of the stools and immediately his mind whited out. The beer he held slipped from his fingers before he could even realize it, Pietro ducking in front of him to catch it swiftly and place it before the customer that had ordered it, a small cheer exploding around them.

Steve quickly blinked, looking at Pietro who gave him a second of a concerned look before turning with a wide cheeky grin bowing to everyone dramatically. The blond felt himself blush having no idea what had gotten into him. He clapped a hand on his co-worker’s shoulder, “Thanks for the catch Piet.”

“Sure, just don’t expect that all the time. Maybe most of the time, but not all the time.” The silver haired male let out, flashing a cocky grin.

Steve turned around to look at Bucky still smiling at him, his leather jacket already off, only wearing a thin black baggy band t-shirt over black jeans, his skin already a touch flushed from the heat inside the building. It was nothing if not simple and Steve felt the rude awakening of cold reality hitting him. His feelings for Bucky weren’t as passing as he had hoped. He felt himself lean back against the wood paneling on the wall, slightly deflated and upset at himself as Pietro gave Bucky a small wave with a grin, "Ce mai faci?”

Bucky gave him a wave back, “Bun, multumesc. Si tu?”

Steve bit his lip nervously, even with the music he could hear how good Bucky sounded and he wanted to bang his head against the wall. Pietro only smiled with a helpless shrug, gesturing to the large crowd of people and Bucky nodded, understanding completely. He watched Pietro go back to his orders, his eyes quickly returning to Steve.

“So what can I get you?”

The brunette contemplated for a moment, putting an open palm out against the bar surface, “Whatever beer you suggest, I’m not in a picky mood.”

Steve nodded, checking the time. He still had a couple of hours before they were to close, he grabbed a pint glass to fill it with a local brew from the tap. He placed it beside Bucky, stealing the few minutes of calm to lean forward on the counter before his friend, “Do you want to grab something to eat once I get out of here?”

Bucky glanced up, blue eyes piercing into him and he automatically put his phone down on the counter a slow burn of a teasing smile touching his lips, “I’m up for anything with you.”

A lump formed in Steve’s throat, air escaping him for a moment at the insinuation pressing into his head, heat rushing to his face. He forced himself to roll his eyes at Bucky, laughing lightly, “Enjoy that and cool your jets.”

Bucky could only burst out laughing, raising the glass towards Steve in a salute and a nod before he took a good long sip.

 

“So where did you run off to anyway?" Steve glanced back at Bucky leaning lazily against the counter of the diner by his place waiting for their order to be filled. He watched the brunette shrug, pushing himself off the surface to walk over to the jukebox.

“Steve come over here, this thing wants me to pick five songs for a buck.”

He walked over, reading over Bucky’s shoulder at the numerous song listings. He entered in the codes for two, Bucky managing to find three more even though they both happened to find more once they finished their selections. They managed to get through four when the fifth started and Bucky beamed. A small hum escaped him, his head lightly nodding to Bohemian Rhapsody beginning. Steve smiled wide, quietly watching him break out in song as he sat down in the empty booth nearby, a smile on his face losing himself. The blond couldn’t help but stare, seating himself in the seat across the table from him. Bucky put his hand out, gesturing for Steve to join in. 

Steve grinned, singing the next line to him watching Bucky slide out, standing before the table in the almost empty diner, his eyes eager as he continued singing and they went back and forth with each verse, Steve eventually moving out to stand before him too having a good time with it.

“I got your food ready over here, boys!”

Steve grinned, stepping over to go get the food by the till while Bucky tried to recollect himself after his laughs, “I’ll grab our stuff.” He jogged over to the counter, a cute sweet looking brunette with a wide smile holding out the paper bag, their milkshakes waiting on a take out tray. Steve gave her a smile and grabbed the food giving it a tug but only felt her pull it back taking him with her.

“So I know that isn’t your boyfriend but boy do you both give each other the sweet eyes.”

Steve’s eyes widened, leaning in closer gesturing her to keep her voice down, “Angie no, don’t say that. That’s my best friend, c’mon.”

She smiled, shrugging nonchalantly, “I’m just saying. He’s an adorable lil thing, I’d love to see just how bad he could be in that leather jacket of his. How come you don’t bring him around a lot?”

All Steve could do was roll his eyes, “I have but you haven’t been on shift when I have and please just stop with lines like ‘adorable lil thing’ he’s really nothing you need to get over excited about.”

Angie scoffed, lightly punching his arm, “Steve, when you come in here with a guy like _that_ and sing like you both can’t get enough of each other, I’m going to say things sometimes about you, sometimes about what I want.”

“Remind me not to come here when you work anymore then..” He muttered, only getting a pinch in the arm in retaliation.

Bucky strolled up, picking up the milkshakes. Steve froze when Angie extended her hand out, smiling brightly, “Nice to meet you Handsome, I’m Angie.”

Bucky grinned, playfully taking her hand and giving it a kiss, “And it’s nice to meet you too Beautiful. I’m Bucky.”

Angie fanned her self then slapped Steve in the chest, “Your boy is a charmer, Rogers. Bring him around more often. Oh! I snuck some extra slices of pie too in there for you both, now I definitely don’t regret doing it.”

Bucky gave her a wink and moved towards the front doors. Steve thanking Angie for the extra pie before getting his chest slapped at again, “My goodness, definitely bring him back. You and him are gorgeous to watch together!”

“Angie! Is that all I am to you? Just some eye candy?”

She smiled, pushing him towards the door, “No Honey, of course not, you’re also a great tipper.”

He stuck his tongue out at her, exiting as she waved at the both of them through the window.

“She’s cute. How come I’ve only seen her today?”

Steve shrugged, “Angie usually works in the mornings.”

Bucky smiled, walking side by side with Steve making their way back to the apartment, “I should go visit in the daytime then.”

“Are you serious?”

“Are you jealous, Rogers? You sound a bit snappy.” Bucky teased.

“I’m not snappy, you’re just ridiculous.”

Bucky smiled, elbowing the blond lightly, “I’m just kidding. She seems nice though.”

“Careful, she starts out nice, then you notice how opinionated she is and doesn't hide from what she wants to say. Then you have to accept how many times she calls you Sexy Steve or whatever she’d pick for you.”

“Hey, she called me handsome. I can totally live with that.”

“She called you ‘adorable lil thing’ before you got over there.”

“As long as it’s not my penis, I am completely fine with that.”

Steve burst out laughing, nodding to him, “I think every guy can agree with that one.”

Steve managed to retrieve his keys and unlock his door with his free hand, letting himself inside and moving through to the small dining table. He hadn’t even pulled his coat off, wanting to get the food set out before settling in comfortably. He took out the burgers and fries from the paper bag, idly hearing the sound of the front door closing waiting for the shakes to come to him, “Buck, you gonna take your sweet time getting over here to eat or are ya drinking my shake- ”

The sound of their cups falling from Bucky’s hand startled Steve out of his sentence. His head snapped up watching brunette’s welling eyes widen, Steve was sure that he saw Bucky’s hand shaking, his throat making a soft choked gagging sound before he broke out into a run into the hallway, shoving the bathroom door open. 

Steve froze in shock, only breaking into his own run when he heard the loud sound of Bucky retching in the toilet, “Bucky?”

He stopped at the door frame, the brunette throwing up everything he had eaten in what sounded like the past two days. Steve picked up a washcloth off the counter, running it quickly under the hot water. He wrung it out, falling down on his knees beside him, running a hand along Bucky’s back. Bucky gripped the side of the bowl with one hand, his left hovering over the flush valve to repeatedly hit it. His face was a violent red, a light sheen of sweat misted across his forehead. Steve watched all his muscles clench again, a wrenching heave echoed off the porcelain.

Bucky’s hand rapidly moved off the side of the bowl to his stomach, pressing his palm firmly. His body convulsed again, throwing up for a third time. Steve winced at the violent nature of his nausea, realizing he must had drank some of _his_ strawberry milkshake and had an allergic reaction. Bucky had seemingly looked like he was returning to some kind of normal when he finally stopped, his skin feeling lukewarm and clammy under Steve‘s hands.

“Shh, it’s okay. You’re okay Buck.”

Bucky made a small choked cry of defeat, weakly hitting the flush again, his body shaking slightly. Steve brought a hand under Bucky’s chin, gingerly turning his head to him to clean up his face while he tried to examine him. That was when he noticed Bucky had been crying, throwing the blond off completely. 

“Hey, are you okay?”

Bucky moved back slightly, his hands slipping onto his thighs, his head dropping down. Wet spots appeared against his pants and hands, shoulders slightly shaking.

“Bucky?”

The brunette wouldn’t answer, a soft choked sob crumbling Steve’s demeanor from strong support to desperate worry. He pulled Bucky into an embrace. Practically crushing him into his chest, he didn‘t complain though, Steve was sure he didn‘t even realize.

“Bucky..”

The tears flowed fast and hard, his miserable wracked cries buried into Steve’s shoulder and shirt. It was then that Steve realized it couldn’t have been an allergic reaction.

“Fuck..” Bucky managed to mumble out, trying his hardest to stop his blubbering, his hands rushing to his face to cover them. Hide the shame he felt for caving, crumbling in front of Steve. He never wanted him to see him this way, this fucking tragic. 

“I don’t...fuck..I don’t.."

Bucky felt those firm hands he adored wrap around both of his own wrists gently, prying them from Bucky’s red tear stained face. The brunette automatically turned to glance at the ground.

“Bucky...look at me.” It was strong, commanding but gentle, worried.

His breaths came out ragged, short sucks of air, the greyest and bluest of eyes meeting Steve’s with almost a fear in them. Steve gave him a small comforting smile. He wasn’t exactly sure what had just happened but it wasn’t something he was worried about. He just wanted to calm Bucky down. His fingers let go of Bucky’s wrists, cupping his soft wet cheeks instead. His thumbs brushed over his face, leaning in to press a soft kiss on Bucky’s forehead before he could help himself, wrapping his arms around the brunette, his coat enveloping him. He helped him up to get him out of the cold bathroom.

“You have no reason to be embarrassed.”

Bucky didn’t respond, his face buried into the collar of Steve’s coat. His body was tense for a good 15 or so seconds before his legs buckled under him and Steve held him strong, Bucky’s hands grasped desperately at the sides of Steve’s shirt inside his coat. A butchered wail escaped his throat and Steve felt Bucky’s whole entire body shaking violently with his sobs. Steve felt blindsided, assuming that was the last of whatever it was and he tried to assess everything worriedly, quickly making a decision. 

Steve crouched slightly down to sweep a hand under behind Bucky’s buckling knees, scooping him up. He clutched him close, as he walked out of the bathroom and down the hall receiving no sort of protest. He brought them both into his bed, sitting himself almost near the center cradling Bucky protectively against him. Steve felt fresh tears stick to his skin through the material, but he didn’t mind his mind only wondered what the hell just happened. 

He kept a firm hold around Bucky’s waist, his free hand brushing large strokes against his whole back. Steve found himself softly hushing the brunette, his body lightly rocking him in his arms. Despite their similar heights, Bucky’s leaner body made Steve feel like he was almost childlike curled up into him like he was. Steve felt a completely different perspective to him like this and all he wanted to do was hold him and assure him nothing was going to happen.

Bucky finally stifled his louder cries, nose still pressed hard into Steve’s broad shoulder, hands clutching tight to his shirt. Steve shifted to the actions, gently burying his face into Bucky’s stock of hair, nuzzling his scalp continuing the soft gentle strokes of his hand against the brunette’s back. 

Bucky finally released the fabric of Steve’s shirt, his fingers feeling out the softness for a few seconds before his hands were completely gone. They hovered there, his tears mostly dissipated, miserably enjoying Steve nuzzling him. In a better moment he would have turned and probably kissed him, maybe, perhaps not, most likely. He hesitated, his hands hesitating by Steve’s sides. His body felt so tired, his eyes were burning. Finally he moved, timid hands sliding around Steve’s waist, holding him as tight as they could. 

Steve said nothing, neither had to say anything. 

They stayed together frozen in time for at least an hour.

When Bucky finally pulled back, Steve only looked at him waiting for whatever Bucky would want or need. He wasn’t sure what it was, the way Steve looked at him like he was there just for him. Sky blue eyes read genuine concern and care for him, it unnerved the brunette slightly. He wasn’t really sure who to trust looking at him like that. It was hard to trust anyone these days. Hell, he could barely trust himself to what he saw because it was so easy to see what he wanted to see. Instead, he looked away, shifting to move off Steve’s lap. He laid down behind him, curling up in a fetal position, his back to his friend.

Steve turned to look, immediately pulling the covers over Bucky’s form. He tugged off his coat, carefully tucking himself behind him like he knew Bucky was used to when his nightmares would would happen or Steve sensed were going to happen, folding his arm around him to remind him he was there if needed. He listened to the sound of Bucky sniffling quietly for a few seconds before his breathing became soft and low. Steve felt his eyes feel heavy, distracted by the sound of it. 

He forced himself to stay awake though, he had to, just in case. His fingers stealing a moment to brush strands of Bucky's hair, staring out the window wondering what the hell just happened.

 

Bucky awoke with a thick hazy feeling over his mind. His hand absently rubbed at his face, no memory of what was going on before he got here. His body just felt tired and heavy, his throat giving off a slight burning pain which jarred the memory loose of his panic attack triggering. He brought his hand down, dropping it against Steve’s causing him freeze for a moment. In the encroaching darkness he cautiously listened to Steve’s soft snores behind him, Bucky’s fingers lightly stroking the blond’s hand that protectively rested on his hip. Making a quick decision, Bucky quietly managed to sneak out from under him, pushing his pillow in replacement to make sure not to disturb Steve. He collected his things silently, giving the blond one last look. 

Bucky watched him for a second, a pensive look fixed across his face. Steve was asleep so deeply he couldn’t help himself but reach out to brush the back of his fingers gently across his forehead but Bucky just couldn’t stay.

He just couldn’t.

He eventually slipped out of the apartment without a sound, he didn’t want to see the look on Steve’s face when he woke up and he wasn’t sure when he was ready to see it again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I fucked up translations, uh dont shoot me.
> 
> Prietenul meu - My friend (male)  
> Vorbiti Romaneste - Do you speak Romanian?  
> De unde sunteti - Where are you from?  
> M-am nascut in Sokovia - I was born in Sokovia.  
> Ce mai faci - How are you?  
> Bun, multumesc. Si tu? - Good thank you, and you?


	9. I keep thinking bad things..

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky slips back into his life before Steve existed not ready to deal with his embarrassment. Steve tries to do the same with his only to find an empty space that can't be filled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Chapter 9 pic](http://kalika999.tumblr.com/post/138965374325/hunger-of-the-pine-chapter-9-bucky-slips-back)
> 
> This chapter is dedicated to How Soon Is Now? by the Smiths, just because it makes perfect sense..also, anyone curious about what Brock Rumlow keeps in his bedside table? Yeah me neither.
> 
> There's a dabble of Winterstorm going on (Bucky x Johnny) so warning on that if you're not into it, there's nothing important they say if you want to skip it, they just have friendly banter and canoodles. XD
> 
> I also want to forewarn anyone that feels uncomfortable at bursts of anger and any physical touch associated with it towards a friend. Steve does get angry at one point at Bucky, he doesn't hit him but he does touch him in a way that causes discomfort. It's a stupid unconscious decision he makes and regrets immediately and I want everyone to feel they've been aware before walking into it and possibly getting upset.

**Early October, 2015**  
  
  


The light fought against the closed blinds of Steve’s window casting dark shadows of solitary grey across his bedsheets. He awoke feeling empty and alone, his hand reaching for solace and only finding disturbed sheets around him. He pushed himself off his stomach, a pillow pressed into his side, his eyes tried to look around through a vision comparable to thick dirty windows, a hand pressing to his face.

“Bucky?”

He pulled himself up, other senses kicking in when no one answered back his whole apartment deathly quiet and still. The blond moved off the bed, footsteps echoing as he made his way through the hallway. The bathroom sat open, the living room abandoned.

“Buck?”

His mind relayed that he saw no cellphone on the night table and his shoes were gone. The spill on the floor was cleaned up, the food gone off the table. Steve blindly moved into the kitchen, his hand eventually pulling open the refrigerator to find it all placed in there for him. There was no coat, no sweater. No note. Nothing. 

Anxiety and dread slowly slipped into Steve, sinking down on the worn couch in the realization Bucky had left. Last night replayed in his mind and he pulled himself up to walk back into the bedroom. He checked his phone, no missed calls or messages. He immediately called Bucky’s number but got no answer, he sent a quick text to him asking where he had gone.

It was all sudden when Steve felt the bedroom, the bedroom he was so used to, swell to the size of infinity. The feeling of only him being inside of it felt so cold. He pulled the blanket off the bed, draping it around his shoulders to return back to the living room, he turned the TV on out of habit, muting the channel just to have it in the background. He opened the blinds and stared out at the muddled grey sky, clouds moving across it while rain approached from the horizon.

His phone rang and he practically ran towards it, answering immediately without a look, “Bucky?”

“Bucky? No Steve. Did you just wake up? It’s me, Sam.”

Steve felt the shoulders he didn’t know he had tensed up, fall and deflate. He leaned against the wall by the window looking out again, the soft shake of his head trying to return back to the now. “Sam. Hey. Sorry I was trying to call Bucky, I thought he called back.” 

He looked back over at the time, seeing that it was a few minutes later than the time they should have met. 

“Nope, I’m not Bucky unless the world changed somehow. Are you okay Steve? You sound a bit, I don’t know..distracted.”

His bottom lip disappeared between his teeth, his head shaking at the question. He pushed off the wall and across the living room, unlocking the front door before he shuffled back, sitting with the blanket. “Sam? Can you come up? Can you come talk to me?”

He wasn’t sure what he was feeling, but he was feeling **too much** of it. He had woken up to an empty bed numerous times with no reason to feel like this but right now it was pulling at him from the inside, tearing softly at the back of his mind and the weight of something _wrong_. 

“Yeah sure. Let me go park and I’ll be up there in a few, alright?”

Steve muttered a soft thanks before hanging up, pulling the blanket around his shoulders to stay warm. He felt so cold, his skin goose pimpling beneath the covers. He sat quietly and soon raised his head to the sight of Sam entering, the brunette giving him a smile as he locked the door. 

“Hey, how are you doing?” 

Steve shook his head, a small smile on his face not wanting the worry lines already on Sam’s face to become more permanent. “I’m fine Sam, really. I got worried and a little scared, that’s all. Something happened with Bucky last night and he was gone before I woke up. I think I had a moment of panic moving around trying to find him.”

Sam gently sat down, quietly observing, “What happened last night?”

Steve shook his head, a soft shrug escaping him, “I don’t exactly know entirely. You know how he said he was allergic to strawberries? He had a reaction when he accidentally drank my shake but it wasn’t an allergic reaction. He was throwing up and he was crying hysterically. He was really upset, it worried me. I didn’t want to leave him alone, Sam. He looked so scared.”

The brunette processed the information, nodding a little, “I noticed he got a little _different_ that time we all ate together with Lucky, but I didn’t want to say or ask anything about it. Do you think it was a panic attack, it sure sounds like one. There’s a lot of guys in the VA that have PTSD, it sounds familiar to when something triggers them.”

“You think he has PTSD?”

Sam shook his head quickly, “No, it just sounds similar, but is it close?”

Steve could only shrug, his eyes dropping to the sight of his bare toes pressing against the leg of the coffee table. The thought suddenly occurred to him that he had never asked Sam if he was thirsty or even hungry but Sam immediately grabbed a hold of his arm when he moved to get up, turning to look at his friend.

“If you need something Steve, I got time. Let me get it for you, I insist. You just relax and settle in..actually, do you have ingredients for my patented Sam Wilson Breakfast? I think you need it today.”

“Uhh..” Steve thought back, remembering he had gone to the small market a block down a couple of days ago, nodding eventually to his friend. “Yeah there is but, shouldn’t I be doing this for you..?”

Sam immediately shook his head, “I got you today, you can owe me. That and I honestly don’t trust your cooking.”

Steve couldn’t argue, watching the brunette lift himself off the couch and go straight into the kitchen. He reached for the blue apron hanging off the small broom closet, tying it off behind him, “How do I look?”

“Beautiful as always.” Steve cooed out, gaining a wink and a grin from Sam before he set up to get started. 

Steve turned back to the television, staring at it on mute for a moment, his smile disappearing when he reached for his phone with no new messages. 

“Hey Sam.”

“Hm?”

“I wanna text Bucky again, see if he’s okay. When is it too early to ask again?”

Sam cut open a package of bacon, studying it for a second, “This isn’t your usual bacon Steve, are you defecting? When’s the last time you sent a message?”

Steve made a face, glancing over at him, “Bucky isn’t aware I don’t eat normal bacon, I buy it for him so he doesn’t have a conniption. I sort of sent one before you came inside.”

“Then it’s way too early. Give him some space, he clearly needs it and you need to relax.”

Steve frowned, putting the phone back on the coffee table finally surfing through the channels for something useful to watch. He finally settled on something about constellations and buried himself in his blanket making himself only visible from the top of his head. He glanced at his phone one more time before actually putting effort into listening to what the host was saying, a soft hum from Sam coming out of the kitchen washed over him with a warm familiarity glad he was here. His eyes began to feel heavy, slowly dozing off.

 

A few vehicles sat parked on the driveway Bucky not being able to stop himself from his need to run his fingers down the cool smooth paint of the black Impala prominently parked out on the unkempt lawn, one hand gripping the strap of his backpack. He let himself into the two story house looking around up the stairs immediately located to his left. He locked the door, ahead of him an open area with a wide closet and tiled floor. The house was an old design but taken care of, two closed doors at the far end. One led to a separate space that resembled a more comfortable version of a basement rec room and Brock had an office behind the second door that was usually always locked up.

He turned and jogged up the stairs, the scent of pot stronger the closer he got to the living room. His immediate left led to bedrooms, a large open kitchen a little bit ahead of him, his right rolled into a giant living room and dining area. Loki sitting cross legged on a loveseat his laptop with him listening to music on his headphones working away diligently while he was smoking. Across from him on a large plush L-shaped ashen grey couch, Jack Rollins was laid out asleep with his arms folded over his chest. His tall fairly built body was stretched out taking most of one side, back half turned to everyone.

Loki looked up suddenly, pulling his headphones down, “Oh! Bucky, where did you come from?”

Bucky only shrugged, “I was just coming to get some pot and wanted to say hi. What are you doing here?”

The raven haired male held up his joint, tilting his head at Rollins, “He was here when I came by, said Brock was still asleep and to wait. I started mixing tracks, hope he’s up soon I have to get things done for tonight. You’re still coming to the club right?”

“Of course.”

A smirk appeared across Loki’s lips, his eyes brightening, “Is Steve coming?”

Bucky settled down on the empty side of the large couch across the room from his friend, shaking his head. Loki didn’t ask further, more focused on going back to his music on the laptop and he was thankful. He turned to the side, Rollins passed out completely asleep. He looked tired, dark stubble gracing his sharp jawline except for where he had the long scar from his lip traveling down along his jaw. Bucky picked up the magazine off the table, flipping through it casually while he settled into the couch to wait.

“James Love, come here and listen to this.”

Bucky glanced up barely two pages in before pushing himself off the couch to where Loki sat, his laptop sitting in front of him on the coffee table. He slid his headphones off from around his neck, waiting til Bucky sat beside him, pulling them on over his ears. He gave Loki a nod, one slender finger hitting the space bar before music filled his ears. Bucky’s brows knotted together, his hands instinctively pressed against the headphones as he closed his eyes, his head nodding to the beat as he listened. 

Loki stared at him, waiting for a reaction or even a response, his hands tapping to the faint sound he could hear. He glanced over when Brock groggily walked into the living room with his bare muscled chest and flat stomach wearing nothing but grey sweatpants slung so low his abdominal V was going to reveal the prize if they went any lower, tousled hair falling over, his eyes barely registering them sitting there.

Bucky slipped the headphones around his neck, pulling out the jack from the side letting the music fill the room, “Listen to this Brock, it’s so good. Seriously Loki, this is so fucking good.”

The male preened at the compliment, hunching over to glare at the screen focused on looking for a certain part. He ran his hand along the touch pad before hitting the left tab, another part of the same track playing. “This isn’t too much here, Darling?”

Brock scowled, lighting a cigarette, “I have no idea what shit you both listen to. Bucky I know you listen to better stuff than that club dj crap.”

Bucky rolled his eyes, plugging the jack back in after glancing at Rollins still passed out before he turned to Loki, “No, keep it like that. You need to play this one live tomorrow night, I promise you. And Brock, I listen to a lot of stuff. We can’t all just stick to rock music and besides, are you not coming tonight without your arm being twisted?”

He only shrugged in response, pulling himself up exhaling his cigarette smoke into the air while he entered the kitchen. Loki’s eyes followed him and Bucky tried not to laugh. 

“He’s ogling you like a piece of meat again. Put on a fucking shirt Brock.”

Loki snapped his head back to glare at Barnes, a tired groan coming from the kitchen as the fridge opened, “It’s my fucking house and stop picturing me naked Laufeyson.”

Loki scoffed, “I was hardly picturing you naked. I was well past that in my thought process.”

“You’re a sick fuck.” The kitchen retorted back.

Bucky only laughed, distracting himself and Loki with the music again.

 

Steve sat silently at the small dining table staring at his cards, he wasn’t even sure what game they were playing anymore. Bucky hadn’t called him and it had just gone past noon which only made the pang in his stomach grow, he hadn’t even left his apartment yet, still in his sweatpants and t-shirt, tufts of his hair sticking out without a care. 

Sam sat by him at the table looking at his own cards and Steve took the moment to appreciate Sam Wilson and his careful nursing and friendship. Still, as much as someone was taking care of him while he wallowed in internal misery he couldn‘t help wishing Bucky would just call him and tell him he was okay.

“Do you have a three?”

Steve blinked out of his thoughts, suddenly remembering what they were playing. He moved a card around in his hand, “Go fish.”

Sam scowled, taking a long sip from the beer bottle he had been nursing for a while, “How does this keep the attention span of kids, I almost feel like you’re hiding these cards from me Steve.”

A small laugh escaped the blond, “I assure you that I’m not hiding cards, but now _I’m_ wondering how kids play this game without either getting bored or having a punch out. Do you have a king?”

“Man! I call cheating!” He slapped a card down on the table much to the delight of Steve, tucking it with another card away on his small growing pile of discards. 

They had passed a few good hours, the pair of them having long discussions about hockey and its Canadian origins while watching a match. Steve became the guinea pig for a game of impromptu Chopped after a three hour marathon on the food channel which somehow created a salad with hot dogs and radishes that didn’t taste as terrible as it looked. They lastly had made a large order of Mexican food that neither wanted to question even if they may end up questioning it later.

Steve bit his lip in thought, laid out on the couch with a hand resting on his full stomach glancing up at his friend in the opposite armchair. A slight hesitation crossed his mind to his idea but he knew Sam, knew he wouldn’t say it was a bad idea.

“Sam, can you take me to go see her?”

Automatically Sam looked out the window then back at him with a check of the time, “We got a couple of hours tops if you want to go see her without flashlights.”

Steve fretted for a moment then nodded quickly, forcing himself up off the couch while Sam watched him disappear into his bedroom to change then busied himself with the clean up at the table. He moved over to the sink, washing up the rest of the dishes waiting for Steve to return changed and looking somewhat like he hadn’t been moping all day. 

“You good?”

“Yeah, let’s go. We can stop at the flower shop too if they’re open.”

 

The pair of them exited the small parking lot, Steve carrying a small bouquet of assorted bright flowers, while Sam had much preferred the red roses, recalling how much Sarah had loved them the last time he had given her some. 

“She was so surprised, she couldn’t hide it.”

Sam bowed his head a little, chuckling softly, “Well she deserved them. If I could I would have bought her roses every day in all honesty.”

They both stopped in front of a gravestone marked Sarah Rogers, a light sigh escaping Steve before he smiled wide, “Look ma, Sam is trying to butter you up again.”

Sam grinned, “It worked didn’t it? Always liked me better.”

“You wish.” Steve said with a teasing glare. 

Sam stepped forward, kneeling down to place the roses before the gravestone, his hand gently resting against the marker. He drew in a slow breath, his voice lowering, coming out soft, “I hope you’re doing fine wherever you are. I miss our conversations you know, especially over coffee but I know you’re happy..”

Sam glanced over his shoulder, barely speaking over a whisper when he turned back, “Please tell Steve he needs to be happy too.”

Sam let his hands roam over the cut marble with a soft misty smile pulling himself back to his feet. He turned to Steve, resting a hand on his friend’s forearm, “I’m going to take a walk around, call me when you’re ready to go alright?”

A soft sad smile appeared on Steve’s face and he nodded gratefully, “Thank you Sam.”

Sam started walking, barely hearing Steve, his voice light and slightly uneasy.

“Hey ma..I think I’m having a bad day today..”

The brunette felt himself frown, a pang of worry crossing his chest pushing aside the thought of going back to Steve and resting a hand on his shoulder. He only walked a little faster to widen the distance knowing it’s what his friend wanted and Sam respected that.

Steve crossed his legs, sitting on cooling ground, the sun starting to take it’s leave through the leaves of the trees but he still had some time. His worn satchel sat at his side, pulling open the flap to retrieve his sketchbook and one of his pencils. 

“I’m sorry I haven’t seen you in a while. I just..it’s really hard..”

Steve felt his face crumple, lower lip pushing upwards against his top, tears breaking out before he could even finish talking. His hand quickly shot up to brush them away, inhaling deeply his voice shaky and low, “I just really miss you, s’all. Sam and Tony try their best but it’s hard. It hurts so much.”

He sniffled loudly both hands trying to brushing away the wet feeling on his face frantically trying to continue talking knowing he would lose himself in his head if he carried on crying.

“..I met someone new, well he’s not really new. You would have liked him though if you were here ma, his name’s Bucky..well it’s James really but he prefers Bucky. Remember that phone number I stupidly lost in the wash back when I graduated and tore the whole laundry room up looking for it? You said you would pull my ear for the whole morning if I didn’t get to cleaning that mess up. Yeah that Bucky, though I think he’s upset with me right now. I hope he’s okay.”

Steve felt his tears fall down his cheeks again, his half balled up fists resting against his legs.

“Everything just feels harder, but I’m trying. You always told me to smile, I keep trying to remember that..”

He brushed his forearms over his face, shaking his head to try to remove the sadness clouding around him. He opened his book, focused on steadying his hand with his pencil. He looked around, sniffling through his nose and began to sketch out the scenery letting it soothe him and distract his mind. Steve could see Sam down in the far distance still walking through the endless path of gravestones, occasionally he would stop and bend down a little to read a marker and then he would move on Steve sketching him into the picture with a light smile at the corner of his mouth. He fleshed out the trees and the more intricate gravestones and statues, turning his main focus on the simple but classic headstone in front of him. He stared off into the sky, feeling a soft ruffle of the wind against him, his phone startling him back to reality.

“Hello?”

“Hey Babe, um..you okay?” Tony paused for a moment, Steve automatically mumbling a yes.

“You sound a little down and you haven’t answered my texts, I’m off for the night figured we would go out for dinner, get you wined and dined tonight.”

Steve paused for a second, he hadn’t checked his phone for a while completely out of it. 

“Yeah Tony, yeah I’m fine. We’re visiting ma, Sam and I.”

“Oh, tell her I said hi, I know she loves me best.”

Steve broke out in a stupid smile, leaning his ear closer against the phone, “I’ll tell her. I would love to see you later if you want to wait for me. We only just arrived and I wanted to be here for a couple hours and just sit with her, you know?”

“Of course, I’ll be waiting. We can go wherever you want, you wanna go to Paris tonight? I’ll take you to Paris Beautiful.”

Steve exhaled a long drawn out rush of air, he _did_ want to go to Paris and it was only Saturday but he was almost a hundred percent sure they would have to turn back to New York before they could even land because of something or other and it would have been a waste of time.

“Oh, you’re doing that prolonged thinking monologue thing again, aren’t you?” Tony let out with a soft laugh.

“Don’t be a brat, I was just thinking that I wanted to say yes but that you would probably get called back in before we even got to land. Ask me again when you have a few days to fly away with me, alright?”

“I can definitely do that. I promise, the next time I have a weekend away I’m going to whisk you away to Paris and eat doughnuts under the Eiffel Tower.”

“Tony, we are not eating doughnuts under the Eiffel Tower, that’s a travesty of some sort somewhere.”

Tony could only laugh, much too giddy and amused about it for his own good. “Well, I’m going to change and wash up. Tell Wilson to come too if you want a third person with us for dinner, up to you. I, for one, want you all to myself but sometimes he needs a trip to Paris too.”

Steve bit his bottom lip wanting to kiss Tony Stark stupid right then, “I love you Tony.”

“I love you too Steve, talk to you in a bit.”

They said their goodbyes and hung up, Steve helplessly blushing like a teenager again glancing back at the headstone, “You’re not even here and I can already feel you laughing at me, don’t even.”

 

Bucky had no idea who the dj was up on stage but he was good, someone local that Loki was talking about. He turned away from the bar after getting his drink, already feeling the effects of the booze in his system only the first couple hours in. His eyes peered through the dark black lit crowd, whites and neons bouncing off bodies laced in reflective body paints and clothing. He tapped his foot to the music, pressing his back securely against the lip of the bar. He saw the top of Brock’s and Jack’s head at a cozy booth corner lined with a couch and a low coffee table holding drinks and various bottles of hard liquor. He barely felt his shoulder being bumped into, sipping from his glass while he waited for Loki to come back from god knows where the guy went to. 

“What’re you drinking?” A raised voice asked next to him trying to speak over the music and Bucky looked over, taking a small short sip before he almost choked on it, eyes locking on his bar creep he had shot down over two weeks ago in front of Steve and Nat. 

The male immediately raised his hands when he saw Bucky realize who it was, mouthing a sorry and gesturing to his glass as if repeating his question without actually doing so.

Bucky silently studied him, not sure what his game was since he was quite sure he made his own feelings clear when he was slamming the guys face against the surface of the bar at Nick’s. Luckily for the brunette staring at him with casually parted hair and soft brown eyes, Bucky was in a good mood and he was feeling comfortable.

“I’m good thanks.” He replied, glancing back towards the bathrooms for Loki wondering if the male was getting himself into more trouble than it was worth, eyes still rested on him and Bucky felt mildly annoyed.

“Hey sorry I was so forward last time. You really took care of yourself though. Name’s Jason.” 

The man, _Jason_ Bucky soaked in with a slight level of eye roll, sat down on the stool he had hovered over, dressed in blue jeans and a snug white t-shirt that Bucky knew was to show off he was in great physical shape, his handsome features flashed a smile back at Bucky while he finally got one of the bartender’s attention. He made sure again that Bucky didn’t need anything and again Bucky shook his head. The guy was charming and generous with his cash but some things made Bucky’s red flags go off and that was aside from the fact of what happened the last time. The last thing he wanted was this dude being anywhere near something Bucky was drinking. 

The guy took his double whiskey neat like he had before, turning around on his seat to look Bucky over then meet their eyes again, “You _are_ pretty though, take it however you want to.”

A momentary scowl crossed Bucky’s own face as he took a sip of his vodka before he rolled his eyes, “Excuse me if I don’t say thank you.”

Jason laughed, a flash of perfect white teeth before he took a healthy sip of his drink studying Bucky as if he was assessing him for some unknown reason. 

A hand slapped Bucky on the back, those brown eyes staring at him quickly glanced away and Bucky turned to look at Rollins giving him a curious look and a raise of a brow. A smile immediately broke out across Bucky’s own face, a hand curling around Jack’s forearm; Jack gave his head a slight tilt inquiringly, leaning in close by Bucky’s ear, “You okay?”

Bucky felt his eyes close for a second before quickly nodding to his friend. Rollins didn’t look too convinced, lightly pulling his arm to his chest while Bucky held on, moving with him. Loki soon joined after coming from where the bathrooms were looking a little perplexed, “I don’t exactly know if I hit on a straight man, a prude or a cop so let’s move away from this area my Lovelies.”

Loki slid an arm around Bucky’s own and before Bucky even realized, they were all moving back to their table lounge, his eyes flickering back towards the bar. Those eyes were watching him again and Bucky turned away almost immediately, feeling somewhat better with the pair sandwiching him between them. 

Bucky broke away when they had almost arrived to the table, Brock looking up with a questioning brow watching the quick walk Bucky commenced out into. Bucky didn’t say anything, instead moving Rumlow’s arm out of the way to sit in his lap, long legs propping up on the table and feet crossing at his ankles. 

A scoffing laugh escaped the dark haired male beneath him, arms resting against the back of the couch with a helpless shrug. He turned to look at Rollins’ amused face, “Apparently I’m furniture to him.” 

Jack could only smile, pouring out shots for the four of them with a shake of his head. 

Bucky dropped his head back against Brock’s shoulder his foot softly tapping to the steady bass pulsing through the club. He finished off his drink, Brock lightly bumping the side of his head against Bucky’s playfully, “You alright, Kiddo?”

Bucky nodded, his eyes closing. He only opened them a few minutes later after he heard Brock flick his lighter, puffing away at a joint. Their eyes locked and Rumlow could only laugh, passing it over to Bucky. A quick glance found Loki had disappeared off somewhere, Rollins getting cozy with some girl, oh his mistake _two_ girls, that had joined their couch at some point. 

Taking a long drag, Bucky laid out against Brock, completely boneless and safe. His head turned away to exhale, turning when he felt a prod to his ribs. Rumlow held up a shot for him and Bucky took it promptly with an appreciative nod, tossing it back. He was feeling good, watching Brock light another joint for himself, a wonderful warmth flooding over him as he continued smoking the joint he was holding, his head tilted curiously towards the sound of high heels clipping the floor even with how loud the music was playing. Long legs and a short red dress, he grimaced slightly when she leaned over to talk close to Brock, playfully grasping at the front of his shirt. Bucky frowned at the intrusion, tilting away to avoid getting rubbed against watching Brock look up with a smirk, his eyes looking up at her.

“Brock Rumlow, I haven’t seen you here in weeks and then you don’t come say hi to me? That’s rude.”

“Well I’m sorry Darlin’. I ain’t here alone, can’t much socialize when I have my Baby Boy sittin’ on my lap now can I?” He drawled, thick curls of smoke escaping his lips until he turned his head to blow it out off to the side, draping an arm against Bucky’s shoulder. 

Bucky snorted, “Don’t drag me into this.”

“And you, Bucky Barnes. Where have you been? I missed you last weekend when we had the jello wrestling challenge.” She giggled out, parking herself beside Brock her hand softly stroking his free arm. 

Brock flashed Bucky a raised brow and he could only huff a small embarrassed laugh out, coughing out the puff of smoke he meant to blow out.

“Oh you know Barnes, any reason to get stripped down to his boxers and get dirty, isn’t that right?”

“Okay, first thing. I haven’t jello wrestled since I was eighteen and secondly that other wrestling thing was a one time thing.”

Brock looked at the pair of them in partial confusion and then partial amusement.

The woman crossed her legs pretending to study her nails, she raised her eyes to look at him through long lashes, “That’s not what it seemed like when you got all that whipped cream in your boxers at that party in the hills.”

Bucky sat back, “That wasn’t related to wrestling, that was Johnny just finding the bottle and doing that,” He shrugged casually, “Didn’t matter, I told him to clean it up and he did. With his mouth.”

A loud amused laughter came out from her, a hand reaching over to squeeze his arm. “Oh my God, are you still with old Johnny Storm?”

Now it was Brock’s turn to laugh out loudly, “He’s never been _with_ Storm. They just fuck around, big difference.”

She pouted and finally Rumlow’s arm slipped away off Bucky’s shoulder, giving the girl a small playful pinch at her chin and a smoldering smile. That was Bucky’s cue, sliding off Brock’s lap to get onto his feet which seemed easier planned than actually executed. He wobbled but managed, pausing to get his bearings and mind working correctly. 

In the haze Bucky watched Brock’s hand disappear into his leather jacket beside him and pull something out, the one thing he always had in his inside pocket. He unscrewed the top of the vial of powder, laying out lines on the table surface beside where their drinks had been sitting. 

Bucky shifted around, finishing off the last of his joint, stubbing the end against the floor. He took one last glance at Rumlow and now Rollins at his side the pair with company snorting up coke off the table, both guys sinking back into the soft plush leather in a momentary stupor. 

He wandered through the crowds of people and back to the bar. His phone rang in his hand _Asshole_ splashed across the caller ID, his eyes looking around before he answered it, “Speak loudly, I’m inside a club!”

“Yeah you mentioned, I’m coming with some friends to the same one. Meet me outside?!”

“Just text me when you’re here, I’ll be outside or at the bar!”

“Sure, see you soon!”

Bucky chewed on his lip in contemplation, pressing himself against the side of the bar waving over one of the bartenders. He ordered a vodka and cranberry as he pressed down a bill from his pocket staring out at the sea of people, most bodies and faces dark from the dimmed lights, randomly illuminated when lights swept across the crowd. He tilted his head when the cool glass touched his arm, giving a nod to the server before he drank down half of it in one go his mind catching a flick of blond and Steve flashed through his mind. This time he let himself run on with it, the thoughts of him here, drunk and sweaty and _gorgeous_. Bucky smiled to himself, blush overlapping the flush already spread across his face from the body heat and alcohol. He sucked on the short black straw in his drink, staring at his phone wondering if he should call and only stopped himself upon the realization he was probably too drunk to even make cohesive meaningful conversation with the one person who could make his heart race faster than anyone else.

Instead, he decided to go outside after he finished off his drink, welcoming the need for some fresh air. 

Bucky stepped out, moving down the side of the building away from all the crowds and chatter while clouds of cigarette smoke sat around them. He leaned against the worn brick wall, the thick drunk fog usually over him was currently a pleasant veil, feeling the cool air soothe him. He sighed out, allowing his head to fall back, his palms lightly feeling out the rough surface. His phone went off in his pocket, vibrating against his upper thigh. He fished it out, finding Johnny letting him know he was here. He sent a text back, a figure coming towards him casually. 

Bucky glanced up from his phone, “How did you know I.. _Oh_..” 

He tucked his phone away, his resident stalker Jason smiling at him. His hair now a little messy, his shirt slightly translucent and that charming face was flushed.

“Hey.”

A roll of his eyes wasn’t missed, Bucky giving a small nod, “Hey.”

The male shifted to lean his shoulder slightly against the brick wall, studying Bucky again with a wider smile. Bucky folded his arms over his chest, trying not to be bothered, his eyes scanning the area.

“So, I wanted to see if I could get a second chance with you. Clean slates and all.”

Bucky didn’t look over, “Oh of course. After being so creepy at the bar, I would _love_ giving you a second chance to be more sleazy.”

Jason shifted into Bucky’s personal space, so close to his side he could feel the body heat radiating off him and onto his arm, Bucky’s own skin prickling. 

“Aw don’t be like that. I was batting low that night, I was feeling down. My foot just went in my mouth, I promise I’m really a nice guy.”

Bucky sighed inwardly wondering what this guy’s deal was. It wasn’t like there weren’t a hoard of people waiting to get laid inside that could probably be right up this guys alley. Why him?

Bucky glanced over, the discomfort kicking into full gear as soon as their eyes met and Bucky was ready to get going, sobering up a little. He pushed off of the wall, turning a little to start walking backwards much to the man’s dismay, his face shifting in slight surprise as if he didn’t expect Bucky to reject him. 

“I may look naive, but seriously what do you take me for? Gotta go, cat’s on fire.”

Bucky saw something sharp, something angry cross in the male’s features and immediately disappeared. Bucky could only flash him an apologetic yet not so apologetic smile, quickly walking backwards away from him which was a feat in itself. When he was sure he wasn’t going to be followed, at least at that moment, he whirled around and kept going slipping back inside the club. 

Johnny stood waiting for him inside by the bar, a drink already in hand, yelling over the music and there was a split moment where Johnny Storm was a welcome sight to him. 

“There you are, shit there’s so many people here tonight!”

Some friends of his stood close, talking to one of the bartenders while they brought out a long row of shot glasses. 

Johnny threw an arm around Bucky, pressing close to him, “We’re going to do Jager bombs and you’re doing it too!”

Bucky rolled his eyes, leaning by Johnny’s ear, “Only frat boys drink Jager!”

Johnny rolled his bright blue eyes back at him, steering him towards the bar counter where a line of eleven glasses sat, ten filled with less than half servings of Red Bull. The bartender lined up shots of Jager at the top edges of said glasses to create a domino effect. Johnny’s friends leaned forward, counting down then tipping the first shot which tipped into the first glass and hit the train of other shots into a glass each, Johnny grabbing two and shoved them into Bucky’s hands. They all drank them down quickly, Bucky wincing at the cough syrup flavored aftertaste and the Red Bull, though it did give off a nice buzzy warming effect.

Abruptly Johnny began tugging him towards the crowd of people dancing, Bucky planting his feet to get the brunette to stop, ”I can’t hang out with you tonight, I got my own friends with me.”

“Just one dance with me Barnes, I don’t bite. You’re the one that does.” 

Bucky smirked, looking casually at him with a gleam of amusement in his greying eyes, “You make me sound like I do it all the time.”

Johnny slipped an arm around Bucky’s waist, turning him in a half circle and pushing him into the crowd of dancing people, “What I know is that you left some marks on me last time and the time before that and the time before that. So what if they weren’t always bites, still though!”

The black lights and strobes danced over them, Bucky not able to do much of anything but get pulled in after he’s pushed through and surrounded by bodies. Johnny pulled him in close, the both of them dancing with the alcohol giving Bucky a dizzying effect, the beat of the music thumping through his ears and vibrating through his body. He could only grin and move his arms around Johnny’s neck, always trying to hide the ulterior motives that always crossed his mind when Johnny was involved not that the man before him never had his own motives in mind.

Johnny moved his head in, lips wet pressing softly against Bucky’s, his tongue flicked over and roamed across Bucky’s lower lip. Bucky raised a hand against Johnny’s short hair pushing him forward for a harder kiss, a groan escaping Bucky’s parted lips when he felt Johnny’s hands grab his ass while he pressed himself against Bucky’s thigh and it had never failed how quickly Johnny got hard when they were kissing each other.

“We’re supposed to be dancing here Storm, not practically fucking.” Bucky chastised against flushed mouth, not able to hide his smirk.

Johnny’s eyes were dark, grinning wildly, far too amused, “I know right? Funny how we always end up this way.”

All Bucky could do was laugh, feeling warm and heady and way too turned on, “I gotta go Johnny. You’re a piece of shit though.”

“There’s always the bathrooms, Buck.”

“..And you’re complete trash.” 

Johnny laughed in response, shrugging helplessly with his horrible cheesy grin and Bucky gave him a wink, pulling away when he could finally feel the blood flow balance itself out again, the dizzying feeling going away as his pants felt comfortable again. Johnny returned to his friends dancing nearby, giving Bucky a wave goodbye watching him head back towards Brock’s table.

 

The thick encompassing sound of the bass reverberated Bucky through his core, his shoulders bumping Brock’s while they sat side by side and Brock watched him pour more shots for them. Bucky’s bottom lip was bitten down in concentration, the music continued coursing through his entire being, pounding heavily in his ears. He could barely tell if he was breathing half the time the alcohol swirling around inside of him, his stupor putting him in a happy headspace. He felt Brock’s arm drop around his shoulders, pressing against his sweat dampened t-shirt. Bucky’s half lidded eyes glanced back at dark eyes looking at him not able to make out the words Brock was saying with an excited enthusiasm, Rumlow’s smirking smile spread across his lips, his messy black hair falling over his forehead. Almost on instinct Bucky raised his index and middle fingers to brush it from his eyes for him while his head bobbed to the music not able to tell what the hell his friend was saying but it didn’t seem to matter all that much knowing Brock would have curled in closer to his ear if it was that important. He shared a shot with him instead, handing him his drink, both tilting back when they swallowed, the burn settling in his stomach feeling way too drunk to keep going on for much longer.

Bucky leaned back on the plush couch, Loki pressing against him at his other side. He turned to Brock passing him a shot both nodding to each other with a clink of glasses. His mind was slipping away as the seconds passed and he was fully aware of how fast it was happening, the gentle roll of thick fog glazing over everything. Rollins approached them with a pair of mixed drinks in hand they had asked for that Bucky had completely forgotten about but happily took watching Loki dancing in his seat, a crooked amused smile on his face before green eyes caught his and he rose from his seat not missing a beat pulling Bucky with him. The raven haired male leaned in by his ear, hot breath tickling the his skin, “Come dance with me, no one else wants to around here!”

Bucky only nodded, letting the male take him by the hand, his other hand holding his tumbler. He quickly drank it all down, setting it on the table, a cube of ice rolling around on his tongue to soothe him from the heat surrounding the club. 

Bucky felt himself stumble slightly into Loki, hands shooting out to stable him while a small laugh escaped the both of them when they met eyes again. Loki moved his arms to wrap loosely around Bucky’s neck, letting his eyes close as he danced to the beat of the music and Bucky could only drape his arms around Loki’s ribs, a slow smile spreading across his lips feeling long thin fingers slide into his mess of sweat moistened hair. His eyes looked over Loki’s face, his own face shining under the low colorful flashing lights in the club Bucky’s hands finding themselves moving down to slim slender hips, gripping them firmly and Loki flashed him a mischievous grin tightening his arms around Bucky’s neck dancing closer to him. 

Soon after a third body pressed in, Brock wrapping his arm around Bucky’s shoulders firmly, the feel of his heavy head pressing against Bucky’s own, a new drink in his hands and Bucky didn’t argue with accepting this one, taking a long sip to soothe his parched throat. He dropped his head back still moving to the music, snaking one around around Brock’s neck, he relaxed back into Brock’s arm continuing to dance with Loki while he closed his eyes, sinking slowly lost within himself. 

 

Bucky barely managed to step outside with both legs still supporting him, the rush of cold air a huge welcome against his warm flushed face, his damp clothing clung to his body, a hand running through his hair to push it back. Bucky fought to keep himself upright, an arm clinging desperately around Brock’s shoulder, Rumlow keeping one around his waist. 

“Rummy, my legs..aren’t working. Fuck..”

Rollins laughed behind them, “That’s because you fucking drank more than any of us.”

Bucky could only manage a half uneven smile, feeling Jack ruffle his hair playfully before Brock moved his hand off of him, crouching down without a word and Bucky beamed taking the offer of a piggy back ride with no hesitation. 

Brock pulled himself up as Bucky laughed, holding on tight, one foot slipping from around his waist. Loki moved in, helping secure it back around with a shake of his head, “I swear you treat him like a child, Rumlow.”

Bucky grinned at the green eyed male, pressing his index finger to his lips as if it was a covert secret that he did. 

Brock only rolled his eyes, making sure Bucky was fully on before moving forward, shrugging at Loki’s statement, “What can I say? I spoil this shithead. So fuckin’ sue me.”

Rollins only smirked, walking alongside Loki as he lit two cigarettes, holding one out for Brock to take, shoving one hand into his pocket while they walked towards the awaiting taxi cabs at the side of the building.

Bucky nodded his head to nothing in particular, tilting it against Brock’s sleepily. “I love you Rummy.”

Exhaling a puff of cigarette smoke, Rumlow held it between the corner of his lips, both hands holding up the back of Bucky’s thighs to keep him firmly against his back, “I love you too Kiddo.”

Loki softly pet Brock’s arm, “I love your smooth sexy muscles Brock Dear.”

Brock groaned loudly rolling his eyes, “Cut that shit out.” 

Rollins’ quiet demeanor broke out of character, laughing loudly into the night sky, a hand pressed to his ribs. He lightly hit Rumlow, his hand unconsciously wiping the back of his nose, olive green eyes glancing around before landing back on his friend, “I’ll give you a call later Rumlow.” He reached up, playfully poking Bucky’s nose to startle him awake again and Bucky gave him a lazy wave.

Jack turned around and gave Loki a small nod before he climbed into his own cab taking one last long drag of his cigarette before flicking it off the curb leaving the group for the night.

Loki laughed at the sleep taking over Bucky, giving his butt a light hit, “Goodnight James, I’m going home now.”

Bucky tiredly opened his eyes, leaning far to one side, Brock letting out a small sound of complaint before he adjusted for him. Giving Loki a partial hug, Bucky shuffled himself back against Brock, “G’night Loke.”

Rumlow watched Loki climb into the back of another cab, the window rolling down gesturing at Bucky, “Have a good evening, Love. Watch that one, he’s going to have fun in the morning.”

Brock smirked, nodding his head obligingly. “When doesn’t he? Get some sleep Laufeyson.”

Loki gave him a playful slow look over, soaking in the sight of Brock’s muscles snug tight against his black tank top. “It would be a better night with you in bed with me.” He crowed out with a wink before closing the window.

Brock watched after the cab, shaking his head in amusement, “Jesus Christ.”

A new cab arrived quickly, Brock carefully putting Bucky back down on the pavement. The driver moved around to open the backseat for them, Brock resting a hand on Bucky’s head so he didn’t collide with the frame of the car roof, gently pushing him inside. He climbed in after him, heading home.

 

Bucky rolled around languidly in the bedsheets, the familiar scent of a certain type of laundry soap filling his senses with the specific smell of Brock’s aftershave, a small smile of safety pulling into him. Bits and pieces of last night flooded in his clouded mind on top of the nauseated ache sitting on his head, Brock’s side of the bed empty and vacant. His phone, wallet and other things usually sitting on top of his night stand were gone realizing he most likely left for work. 

He sighed out, rolling to the other side to find a bucket and a wash cloth waiting for him on the floor just in case, the opposite night stand holding two water bottles and a bottle of aspirin. His outfit from last night neatly folded in a chair nearby. Lifting the covers he found himself in a loose fitting white t-shirt and baggy black sweatpants. God knows how Brock even tolerated changing him while he was blind drunk and most likely half awake if not completely passed out. He had to remember to buy the man a steak or something..maybe a whole cow.

Eventually Bucky forced himself to wash up in the bathroom, brushing his teeth before even using the toilet to get the thick gross taste out of his mouth from all the alcohol. He drank down one of the water bottles almost immediately, popping two pills and praying silently for relief from the soft ongoing buzzing pain in his skull. He stripped himself down, barely managing to stand up straight in the shower taking twice as long as he needed to wash his whole body his nose crinkling to the smell of men based axe equivalent shampoo scents coming from each bottle he sniffed at finally choosing the least offensive one. He didn’t exactly hate them, they smelt good on guys like Brock, it just wasn’t him, which he had to make a mental note to buy shampoo to stash here so he wasn’t scented like a frat boy alpha male trying to get the ladies. He snorted to himself, lathering up his hair before he quickly washing it out not wanting the smell to linger for as long as it had to.

The clock in the hall read ten in the morning and that was too early, ideas of sleeping and reading in bed all day until he was forced to go to the brownstone flooded his head and he went with it trying to remember where one of his favorites books was kept. He moved back into the bedroom, crawling back under the blankets after throwing his phone on the nightstand from his jeans pocket.

Bucky pulled open the nightstand drawer, pawing through a supply of condoms, pocket change, pens, a small black book, a sheathed knife which he had no intention on asking Brock what that was about, some mint breath strips, a chapstick, a pocket sized flashlight, a small bottle of KY jelly he raised a brow at, a black silk tie that looked twisted and tied at the wrong places that he smirked at and a couple packs of sealed cigarettes until he finally managed to get to one of the few old worn novels he stored there a long while ago.

Bucky pushed past a few pages before he fell asleep again, only to be awakened an hour later to his phone chiming to a text alert, Natasha inviting him for lunch if available.

 

“You know Babe, this isn’t my idea of a good time.”

Steve glanced up from his water bottle, sweaty blond hair plastered to his forehead, splashes of dirt across his face and smeared across one cheek and into his hair. His face was glowing, nose red. 

Tony looked worse for wear, half hobbling off the mud caked field taking a lot of it with him, the whites of his eyes contrasting with the dark brown all over his features laying out on the grassy hill to the side with a small groan. He only bemoaned out louder in protest when Rhodes jogged out from the field, crashing down beside him and giving him a rough shove, “Oh come on Tony, live a little.”

Steve grinned when his eyes met with James’, handing him a bottle of water, “Yeah Tony, a little football won’t hurt you.”

“I’ll have you know Rhodey,” Tony refused to open his eyes, trying to regain his breathing to a normal level, “I live a lot. If I carried on with this, I wouldn’t though. My brain is fragile, I can’t be letting it get knocked around on the field. If I lose that what do I have left? Just my good looks which isn’t bad but why break perfection? And next time, I’m picking out what we’re doing.”

Sam approached the tail end up the conversation, giving a goodbye wave to friends from the VA that they had been playing with. He turned to look at Tony sprawled on the ground, a mock frown on his face, “Aw Tony, you didn’t have fun?”

Tony cracked an eye open attempting to give Sam the stink eye, “On the contrary Wilson, I always wait for a day I can get thrown around like a rag doll by guys Steve’s size. We’re going skydiving next time we’re all together.”

The group broke out in collective groans.

“Tony, no. No.”

Tony pushed up on his elbows, making a pinched face, “So we can rough each other up on a muddy field but we can’t skydive? My god! You all need to live a little, have some fun in the skies.”

James exhaled loudly, rolling his eyes, “Death defying isn’t exactly _fun_.”

Reaching for the towel Sam held out for him, Tony wiped his face after he sat up, scowling as he eyed his best friend then looking at the rest of the them, “You’re all infidels.”

Sam grinned, relaxing out on the grass, “I wouldn’t mind sky diving. I actually think i’d be fun. Steve, aren’t you even a little bit curious?”

Steve shrugged, “Maybe a little bit, just a little.”

Tony clapped his hands together, smiling wide, “Good! It’s settled, we’re going to sky dive next time!”

“We’re going to die next time. Start writing your wills out.” James let out, though with a small amused smile on his face.

 

Bucky let himself into the brownstone with his key, Lucky not wasting any time getting attention from him receiving a pat on his head.

Natasha glanced over from her conversation with Clint, “You got here quick, didn’t I just text you thirty minutes ago?”

Bucky shrugged, walking over to the dining table where they were eating burgers and fries, the back door open to the grill still cooking some away, “I was in the neighborhood, sort of.”

“I’m surprised you haven’t gone to see Steve again yet.”

“Nah, it’s embarrassing. I feel awkward, I still need a few days."

A soft smile curled at her lips, “And here I thought his sweatpants and tight shirts convinced you otherwise.”

Clint let out a snort, trying to stuff more french fries into his mouth after Bucky gave him a glaring look.

Bucky pulled out a chair, sitting himself down, stealing a fry off Clint’s plate, “No, I mean yeah shit, you can fucking bounce a coin off his ass, _fuck_ but um, yeah usually I guess. It was just weird and I really didn’t like it.”

The felt Natasha’s gaze bore into him, his grey blue eyes peering up into her green ones, softly chewing on the burger she had already been fixing up for him the moment he walked into the home. She held up her phone showing Bucky the handful of texts from Steve just from last night and today. 

“You sure you guys aren’t messing around? He seems to have it bad for you.”

Bucky rolled his eyes, not bothering to answer her for a moment. He ate a bit more in silence before setting his food down, going to the fridge to get a bottle of water. “I’ve been at Brock’s and Steve just worries a lot."

Clint put down his own burger, tapping the table to get Bucky’s attention, “Okay, you know what’s been bugging me? How did Steve come to your bed and sleep with you at your house, I mean don’t you sleep on his couch at his apartment?”

Furrowing his brows, Bucky ate a handful of fries with a shake of his head.

Clint could only look at Natasha then with an attempt to keep a straight face he continued, “So, where do you sleep while you’re not here and obviously with him?” 

He looked over at the blond, giving him a soft shrug, “In his bed.”

“What?” Clint was dumbfounded, slapping his hand down on the table, “Are you serious?”

Natasha only looked at him, Bucky’s neutral face quickly shifting to confusion with a raise of his brow, “Am I missing something?”

She only smiled at him, slowly blinking with her sweet smile that masked the smirk she was holding back, “Oh I’m sure it’s nothing that you wormed your way into his bed already.”

Bucky sat back, scoffing after picking up his drink, taking a sip, “I never did. He suggested it.”

“The plot thickens!” Clint cried out, much too amused by this for his own good.

“No, the plot doesn’t thicken, shut up Clint.” 

Bucky helplessly shrugged, leaning against the back of his hair, “He gets lonely alright? I slept on his couch once, he asked if I wanted to crash another night and I told him I didn’t because it was a piece of shit so he offered me his bed. It’s a king size bed, it’s not like we sleep on top of each other on a twin or something.”

“Oh but you wish he did.” Clint retorted with a grin.

Bucky rolled his eyes with a shake of his head, “Just don’t tell Brock about it. He’ll lose his shit and don’t tell him about the panic attack, I don’t know if I want to tell him yet, I just don’t want him worrying, okay?”

He watched the pair of them look at each other then Clint shrugged and nodded. Natasha did eventually although with a little bit of a pinched face, going back to her lunch.

“I’ll probably tell him Nat, just not tonight okay?”

She nodded again at him, her painted fingernails softly resting on Clint’s hand, “You’re going to be late if you don’t go change your clothes soon.”

Clint glanced at the time, jumping out of his chair with a half eaten burger in hand. He ran out of the kitchen, bounding up the stairs to change his clothes.

“Work today?”

Natasha nodded, “Someone got sick, he’s filling in for four hours, should be home before six.”

A few minutes passed, Clint running down the stairs with half his jacket on, chewing on the last bit of his food. He managed to pull his other arm through the empty sleeve scrambling to the table to give Natasha a quick kiss and down his water, “See you two.”

Bucky gave a half wave getting up to grab the burgers off the grill, “So what’s the plan for dinner tonight? What would you like me to do?”

Natasha thought for a moment, moving to check how much flour she had in the spice closet. “I’m thinking of making pizza for Clint tonight, he’s not feeling so good.”

“Is he sick?”

“I’m not sure. Sometimes he’s saying he’s not feeling well then he’s fine. Not sure, I figure maybe he’s getting a little cold but I’ll make him something he likes and get his mind off it.”

“Look at you, you two are so in love with each other its sickening.”

Natasha glared at him rolling her eyes, “Shut up and start making the dough before I slap you.”

Bucky couldn’t help but laugh, pulling out ingredients.

Raising her brow, Natasha looked over her shoulder smirking softly, “I wouldn’t be laughing with the way you look at Steve and I don’t mean when he’s bent over.”

A scoff escaped him, mixing up some warm water with yeast, “No love Romanoff just infatuation.”

She clucked, waving her hand at him dismissively, “Right. You carry on living in your little bubble.”

Bucky stuck his tongue out at her, carrying on what he was doing without another word.

 

Steve walked into the coffee shop linked up with the bookstore that was located by Stark Tower, he studied over the coffee orders written on a piece of paper while standing in the line of people. At the front he looked up and stared face to face with Clint, a smile reaching his face, “Hey Clint.”

Clint casually smiled, a look of surprise crossing his features at how dirty Steve looked before he picked up his felt pen, “Hey Steve. So what can I get you?”

Steve slid the piece of paper and a few bills towards Clint with fixed look, “All that please, as long as you can read Sam’s scribbling.”

Clint looked over the names and nodded, ringing up the order and grabbing his change, “No problem. How’s life?” He regret the question the second it came out of his mouth realizing the situation much too late mentally kicking himself.

Steve dropped the change into a tip jar, shoving his hands into his pockets, “I’m good, I guess. How’s Bucky? I mean if you’ve seen him.”

Clint gave him a thin smile, gesturing him to move aside for the other customers and wait for him, Peter taking over the till while another person prepared the drink orders. He tugged off his coffee stained apron and visor, disappearing into the back, then came out in a black sweater and a smile, exiting out the half door at the side, “I’m off work, wanted to get that stupid apron off. Bucky’s fine, I’ll be seeing him for dinner which is where I’m headed now, I would ask if you’re coming but that’s probably a definite no.”

Steve nodded, a little sadly Clint noticed and felt bad for the guy, “He’s alright, really he is. Just give him some space and everything will be fine.”

Steve rested his back against the counter studying Clint carefully, “You think so?”

A grin appeared across Barton’s face, “Yeah totally! Bucky might run off but he comes back. Always. It’s just how he handles things. You’re fine, but like I said, I gotta get going. See ya later Steve!”

Steve numbly waved watching Clint briskly head out the door, his coffee order called out behind him. He was wishing so much that Bucky would contact him and let him know he was alright. He hated the idea of his friends having to relay that he was and it almost made him a little upset. A part of him happy to be able to ask and then another part of him hating the way they looked when he worried and told him not to stress over it. It was easy for them to say it, Bucky was open towards them and he only wanted Bucky to be open to him too.

“Hey Steve, we good?”

Steve snapped his head up from the drinks in the carry out tray, Sam standing beside him staring at him with careful concern. 

“I saw Clint leaving, figured you talked to him before he was gone.” Sam explained before Steve could ask.

He nodded, “He said Bucky’s alright and that I shouldn’t worry.”

A flicker of brightness filled Sam’s eyes, clapping his hands together, “Well that’s great isn’t it? A second person telling you he’s okay after Natasha texted you back. That’s what you needed to hear right?”

Steve shrugged, carrying out the drinks while Sam followed him with some confusion, “What’s the catch?”

“I guess I want him to tell me. I thought I wouldn’t mind but I do mind.”

The pair of them stepped outside, heading towards the parked car and Sam gave him a warm smile, “Come on. Try to smile or else you’ll have Tony wondering about you too.”

Steve stutter in his step, “Oh yeah I forgot about Tony.”

He abruptly froze, quickly turning to look at Sam, “I mean. I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant..”

Sam gave him a gentle smile, “I get what you meant, you never have to explain it to me Steve. You’re worried, I get that. Remember, I’m friends with you I totally get the worrying thing.”

Steve slowly smiled back at him, nodding eventually, “Let’s go before the game starts and the pizza’s get cold.”

 

“I should get going, told Loki I would help him with the cable set ups and all that crap so we don’t end up short circuiting his house and blowing the power.”

Natasha leaned over, grabbing Bucky’s chin and planting a kiss on his cheek, “Have fun. Tell Loki I said hi.”

Bucky nodded, watching her return to cuddling with Clint, the dirty blond giving a small wave before he curled up deeper in his blanket. 

Brock pulled himself off the couch, “I’ll walk you to the door.”

Picking up his backpack, Bucky flashed the male a small smile both hitting the front stoop. He put his hands out for Brock, “Please be careful Rummy. I know you’re going to do it whether or not I’m here, just text me or something or else I’m going to worry about you like an idiot."

Brock took his hands without hesitation; large, strong calloused fingers folding tenderly around his. The touch was always sweet and loving, a loud contrast to the ruthless personality he set out on everyone else. Bucky could only smile wider at him and Rumlow finally nodded, the corner of his mouth revealing an small honest detail of a smile, “Sure Kiddo, even if you’ll be pissed drunk by the time I’ve calmed down for some sleep or busy with other things.”

Bucky refused to bite at the bait of his last words, only giving him a coy smile, the taxi cab pulling up a minute later. He pulled his hands back, quickly jogging down the steps and letting himself into the back seat.

“Listen! You better be careful too, Little Shit that you are and use a condom for Christsakes!”

Bucky smiled wide, “I always do!”

 

Buck hunched over in his stool at the modest custom bar, the bass of the music reverberating through him. The heat from all the bodies crowded around in the house made his skin clammy and flushed. A thin veil of sweat awashed over him as well as everyone around him. He leaned forward, taking another shot of vodka, his dampened hair falling over his forehead.

Bucky could barely keep his eyes open, the hazy blur of faces and bodies all becoming a sea of nothing. He felt a hand grasp his wrist, directing the half empty bottle he held onto to pour into a tumbler that appeared beside him before returning to his own glass. Johnny moved around behind the open bar, retrieving a bottle of tequila from the back shelf after finishing off the vodka in his glass. Bucky silently watched him grab the limes from the mini fridge, cutting up a few. He placed the salt shaker down beside it, extending his hand out for Bucky’s. He obliged, watching Johnny pull his hand towards his lips, his tongue slowly tracing the flesh between Bucky’s thumb and index finger. Bucky’s grey blues darkened slightly, watching his finger disappear into Johnny’s mouth, Bucky’s own bottom lip disappearing into between his teeth as he felt the light pressure of suction and the sensation of his tongue sliding along the underside of Bucky’s digit. Releasing it as quickly as Johnny brought it to his mouth, he shook some salt against the moistened spot of flesh at his hand, giving Bucky a sly smile. 

Johnny poured them a couple shots each, licking the back of his hand to add salt on his skin, both licking it off and taking their shots. Limes bitten down, Johnny grinned widely tossing them in the trash his light blue eyes fixated on Bucky.

Bucky licked his lips, smiling wolfishly. He tilted his head slightly towards the rooms upstairs never really needing to say things with the male in front of him. Johnny studied him long and hard for a moment, a slow smile moving across his lips. They both headed up the stairs, Bucky’s fingers sliding over the smooth wood of the railing Johnny not far behind, both pausing at the top of the stairs, Loki still playing his dj set with most of the crowd surrounding him.

“You really wanna do this? You’re wasted Barnes.” Johnny resting an arm casually on his shoulder, fingers grazing through Bucky’s hair.

Bucky dropped his head back relaxing to the touch and slowly felt himself nod, “And you’re not?"

The male only smiled and Bucky lightly pushed Johnny down towards the hall. He complied completely, tugging Bucky into one of the nearest guest rooms, locking them in. 

As soon as Johnny turned Bucky fell into the kiss of all tongue and teeth, needy and hungry. Johnny’s hand slipped under Bucky’s shirt, his warm palm pressing into his abs giving him a soft push. Bucky’s body practically stumbled back before his legs hit the bed and he allowed himself to fall against it with Johnny in tow, Bucky’s own fingers tangled up in shirt fabric. He closed his eyes, the wave of languor washing over him for a moment, the jolt of his hips snapping up with Johnny over him brought him back to the now feeling him eagerly tug off his belt. Bucky raised his head to watch the top button on his jeans become undone, their eyes meeting and Johnny climbed over him, kissing him greedily as Bucky felt his own hands glide over Johnny’s hot skin, unfastening his shirt buttons clumsily. Storm’s own hands slid up Bucky’s t-shirt bunching the fabric against his collar, the cold air instantly prickled skin, rushing Bucky with goose bumps. A growled huff escaped Bucky from the sharp sensation of teeth biting his nipple, dexterous fingers pinching his other while his legs parted wider for Johnny to settle in the space he left. His mind swam with the electronic bass music still pulsing through the entire house, the feeling of numerous emotions rushing through him at once, the alcohol numbing him almost entirely. He let his head fall back, elbows propped back and his eyes slipping closed feeling everything soak into him.

“Buck."

Johnny blinked down at him, his flushed lips shining slick with saliva, their eyes locked and Bucky knew he was completely gone, pupils shot. Johnny pressed down teasingly with a slow slide of his hips. Bucky was so fucked, the alcohol making him dizzy and needy; they both were with no intention to stop.

Bucky stared up at Johnny all slow and glassy eyed, his mouth curving as if to say something but didn’t, laughing out instead, lofty and lost. He grabbed Johnny’s face to bring their lips together, his tongue invading every part of his mouth, all messy and hungry and for the both of them, completely perfect. For Bucky it was exactly what he could ask for, slipping away from everything that usually sat and lurked in his mind.

Bucky moved his hands to pull away at Johnny’s hung open shirt, removing it entirely off. One hand roved to cuff the back of Johnny’s neck roughly, kissing him harder, groaning unabashedly at Johnny shamelessly rolling his hips, Bucky’s own body burning and hard against his. 

Johnny sank down between Bucky’s legs, blue eyes staring at him with an eerie intensity to them. His hands busied themselves with Bucky’s jeans, unzipping and tugging them in quick succession. Bucky barely heard them hit the floor too fixated on watching Johnny settle back down between his legs always finding that sight a bit of a turn on..well more than he already was.

It was only seconds before his breath hitched, Johnny licking his lips again before he dipped his head down and Bucky helplessly dropped his head back, pressing it into the mattress. He shouldn’t have been so amazed at Johnny swallowing down his cock like it’s nothing, he really shouldn’t. Bucky could feel Johnny’s hand roaming up and down his thigh to pet his skin, his other wrapped around the base of him to cover what he couldn’t fit inside his mouth, bright blue eyes staring up and catching his gaze when Bucky righted himself on one elbow to watch again, like Johnny was always grateful to get Bucky into his mouth.

_Jesus fucking Christ._

Johnny’s mouth felt hot and wet, one of Bucky’s hands purchased at the bedsheets, the other quickly moving to graze fingers along Johnny’s fairly short brown hair. He let it rest heavy against the back of his head, not forcing him down, but only enough for him to know the weight and feel him move.

Johnny hummed around him, moaning to the touch and petting of hair swallowing him impossibly deeper and causing the vibrations to travel through Bucky’s entire body helplessly forcing his head to fall back. Johnny’s hand moved off Bucky’s thigh to palm himself through his jeans, his needy sounds rippling through the both of them. Everything Bucky had been dwelling on, all the thoughts that ran and all the emotions that lurked all sank away into nothing right then and he was forever grateful. 

Bucky licked his lips, biting down on his lower lip groaning louder as he sank further into the bed and he was floating, he didn’t want the drugged drunk feeling to leave him, the music pounding in his ears mixed with the occasional sounds of their moans filling the air but it was _so much_ and Bucky had been riled up for a while, the hand on Johnny quickly tapping at his shoulder to stop him so he wouldn’t end up cumming.

Johnny immediately pulled off him, his lips red and flushed and _God_ if Bucky could stare at them like that all day. 

“Please Buck.. _please_.”

Bucky never said he was immune to begging, watching Johnny straddle over one of his thighs, undoing his own jeans impatiently.

“Yeah, _yeah_.” He muttered back softly barely even recognizing his gravelly low voice, his brain fighting for some cohesive thought, the alcohol and over stimulation clouding his motor functions but he quickly pulled himself to sit up. He slapped Johnny’s hands away to roll him onto his back, leaning down for a kiss while he helped him out of his jeans and boxers. 

Johnny immediately pulled him against his body, Bucky failing to catch himself off balance with a small grunt, their teeth clacking from the slip. Johnny only whined, rutting into him helplessly, Bucky groaning at the sensation of slick sweaty skin against skin.

“Johnny..fucking hell..fuck. Hold your... ** _fuck_**.”

Bucky pulled himself up, breaking from Johnny’s hold, one hand holding the male down, “Too eager..won’t even need a condom the rate you’re going.”

Johnny threw his arms back against the sheets as he panted out, a loud deliberate sigh coming out, he rubbed his head in a helpless gesture flashing Bucky a stupid dopey smile, “I can’t help it!”

Bucky laughed, sliding off him to rummage through one of the bedside drawers, “No shit. Lie still for a second, I’ll make it worth your while.”

Johnny tucked his hands behind his head, “I’m all yours Barnes.”

Bucky looked over his shoulder back at Johnny with a smirk, knowing it was going to be one long night.

 

Steve stared out at the skyline from the floor to ceiling windows inside Stark Towers, his blue eyes sparkling with the reflection of the city lights. He stood with his arms folded over his bare chest, black boxers sitting snug at his waist. Behind him Tony slept on his stomach with half the bedsheet draped over his nude torso, face buried into a pillow snoring lightly away into the darkness.

Steve wasn’t sure if he was having a bout of insomnia or if he was just that worried. He knew he didn’t need to be and he shouldn’t but he just was and it was upsetting that it was doing that much to him. He glanced over at his phone illuminating on the nightstand, swiping it to unlock it only to find it was a text from Pietro sending some link to something he found amusing. Usually he would love them at three in the morning but not today, more wishing Bucky would contact him, drunk even. He was up for anything just to know and quell the feeling inside of him. 

_A walk would do me good._

The idea was random, different but the moment Steve thought of it he was already pulling the rest of his clothing back on and slipping his effects into his pockets. He walked around the bed to brush a hand gently through Tony’s hair, planting a light kiss on his forehead. He whispered an ‘I love you’ and headed into the elevators then out into the night air.

Steve was walking for hours with no aim or direction until he stopped and stood at a townhouse, the front light still on like he was expected which was a silly notion considering. He knocked anyway, his free hand tucked away deep in his peacoat, the blistering cold making everything numb though he hadn’t felt it until he had finally stopped. He heard shuffling movement close to the door and then with a click of a bolt and a turn of the door handle a pair of eyes peeked out half in a haze of slumber and Steve could only smile sheepishly, “I didn’t know where to go. I just kept walking.”

The door opened wider to let him in, voice thick with sleep, “I said anytime, I meant it. You must be freezing.”

Steve shuffled in, shaking his shoulders a little to try to circulate the blood flow, “I didn’t know til I started knocking. I left Tony’s and just wanted to take a walk, then I ended up here.”

Sam ran a hand over his head, scratching his scalp idly with a low whistle of surprise, “Damn. Well warm yourself up. I can start some coffee up.”

A hand shot out, grabbing Sam’s arm before he could turn and leave, Steve staring at him his eyes soft but tired, “Thanks for..everything Sam.”

“Would you do it for me?”

“Well, of course.”

“Then no thanks is needed. Now come on, we’ll have some coffee and get some food in you, then you really need to get some rest. I have to go run errands for school and later if you’re up for it we can head to the gym and then straight to work, got it?”

A grin spilled out of Steve and he nodded, releasing his friend, “Got it, Boss.”

“Good because sometimes I wonder how you function without me, Rogers.”

“Bucky says the same thing.” Steve murmured.

Sam half smiled, entering the kitchen, “Yeah? Well he would, if I have to share my best friend position with someone, it _has_ to be with someone that knows you enough to get the same ideas.”

Steve moved into the living room, curling up in the stuffy old armchair he always loved when he lived there watching Sam shuffle about. He contemplated offering his help but he knew Sam was in his element and to bother him was not allowed. Instead he pulled the throw blanket off the other couch and threw it on himself letting the warmth of being inside soak in.

 

Bucky’s alarm went off annoyingly, his face pressed into the mattress, the dull ache of a hangover and complete lack of sleep pulsing through his head and body. He tried looking for his phone through glazed eyes, body already laying on his stomach as he fished for his pants on the floor, pulling his phone out to silence the damn thing. He barely registered the grunt coming from the other side of the bed beside him, remembering he only set his alarm for Monday mornings.

Bucky sighed out, realizing he was going to have fun explaining how great he felt when he was feeling like he was run over by a semi and natural sunlight was the bane of his existence at the moment. He threw the blanket off as he pulled himself to sit up, trying to find his boxer briefs in a mess of shed clothing.

“You weren’t wearing any.”

“The fuck? I wasn’t?” Bucky glanced over his shoulder, Johnny rubbing his eyes with a loud yawn, trying to go back to sleep.

Bucky scratched his head through his mess of hair in confusion, he hadn’t gone commando for a long bit of time especially over the fact that Steve was in some sort of vicinity and being underwear optional seemed pretty rude if they were hanging around. He could only imagine a play fighting moment gone wrong and Steve getting an eyeful from yanking at his pants. Maybe that would be bad. 

_Maybe_. 

No, no. It would be bad.

He shrugged, sluggishly getting up to pull his jeans on. He pulled his shirt back on, crinkling his nose at the smell of stale alcohol coming off of it. 

Johnny rolled to his side, watching him with tired half opened eyes, letting out another long yawn while stealing Bucky’s pillow to stack on top of his, “Where are you going so early?”

Bucky didn’t look up, looping his belt around the loops on his jeans, “I got an appointment I have to get to in an hour. You better get moving too if you know what’s good for you. Loki doesn’t care if I’m in one of his guest rooms with you but as soon as I’m gone he won’t be so nice to you.”

Johnny nodded, sighing out loudly before he forced himself to sit up. “Yeah, I know the drill. You weren’t the one that got kicked out of here by his dad with only your boxers on. Thanks for not waking me up that time by the way.”

Bucky checked his hair in the mirror, fixing it quickly. He moved towards the door, unlocking it before he looked over at Storm, “You survived. I gotta get going.”

“Hey Buck.”

Pulling open the door, Bucky looked back at blue eyes staring at him, “What’s up?”

“You were kinda talking all panicked again in your sleep. I kinda just pet your hair and stuff, you know nothing else. You were okay after that, just, letting you know. Probably a bad dream going on like last time.” Johnny’s gaze broke as he spoke, pretending to stare at a piece of stitching coming out on a pillowcase and Bucky didn’t answer, dropping his head to look at his shoes for a second. He never explained and Johnny never asked, they only danced around it and that was fine by Bucky.

“There’s another party tonight, you interested? It’d be like before, you were like your old self last night we should definitely do it some more.”

Bucky’s eyes lit up in a glimmer of egregious amusement, looking back over at him, “Missed me Storm? That’s not like you.”

Johnny only shrugged, “You’ve been shacking it up with Mystery Guy Steve lately, been boring without you to shake things up.”

He could only laugh, leaning casually against the door with a wide grin watching Johnny pull on his boxers. He finally shrugged then nodded while he slid on a pair of sunglasses that were in his pocket, “Yeah, maybe. I’ll give you a call later and let you know. I may definitely need a third night.” 

 

Bucky milled through the large fitness complex, blinking repeatedly to get his eyes to adjust quickly behind dark sunglasses. The stale smell of sweat and body odor causing his face to screw up a little in disgust. He made his way past all the gym equipment at the front, past the pool area and the hallway that led to all the instructor classes. He paused when he was finally all the way to the back where a large boxing ring waited for him, staring up at Brock gloved up in a tank top and shorts, a thin layer of sweat covering his body. One of his students stood to his side, holding his position while Brock continued talking.

“Yeah, keep going like that. Just make sure you’re protectin’ yourself. You keep moving that arm away, he’s gonna get the drop on you and then you’re out cold. Got it?”

The male nodded and Brock tapped his arm lightly, “Good, we’re finished for today. Go hit the showers."

Bucky let out a wolf whistle, causing Brock to turn around with pinched annoyance until he saw who was standing outside the ring. Rumlow leaned against the ropes casually studying Bucky’s wrinkled clothing, dark stubble blanketing his face while his hair was on some new level of unruly. Brock undid his gloves with a smirk on his face, “Jesus, you look like you slept in a dumpster. How long have you been here? You wanna go a few rounds?”

Bucky scoffed, “Thanks and with _you_? Hell no. I just got here though, wanted to see if you wanted to spend some time with lil’ old me.”

Brock smiled wide, “Of course I do! Let me hit the showers and change. I’ll meet you outside, yeah?”

Bucky gave him a nod, watching Rumlow exit the ring and head down the hall.

 

“I have no idea for the life of me why you signed me up at this gym of all places. You could have easily gotten me one from a smaller more private gym and it would have been the same thing.”

“Geez, listen to you complain. Two days without Bucky and I’m getting all the sass from you now. I see why it’s better if he’s around. I owe him more credit than I’ve been giving him with how much he has to take from you.”

Steve let out a soft snort in protest, “I’m not that bad.”

“You can be and you are. Still complaining about a gift from your birthday, which is very rude I may add.”

Sam gave him a look that clearly stated he was about to slap Steve in the face if he continued on pouting over big gyms versus small gyms and Steve only sighed again and nodded in defeat, climbing out of the car. 

In honest truth, Steve really did enjoy the facilities. It was just that sometimes he enjoyed the emptiness of a smaller gym so he could put his ear buds in and do whatever sets he liked in peace. The actual place had a lot of perks such as how clean it was, Olympic sized pools and hot tubs, the saunas; the work out rooms had top of the line equipment which was always checked and updated, a really large amount of private classes and group classes, a very good cafeteria, endless endless hot water and complimentary toiletries, hell the place had things he never used like the boxing ring and he was told they had a fitness obstacle course in the back with some sort of range too. All in all it was a top notch, highly rated fitness center so Steve really had no reason to be complaining. He grabbed his and Sam’s bags out from the backseat, handing Sam his with a small sheepish smile and Sam could only give him another look before winding up his own smile, shaking his head at him.

 

Brock eyed Bucky carefully when he exited the gym freshly showered, his duffel bag in one hand pressed against his shoulder blade. Bucky leaned against the building by the doors silently staring at his sneakers lost in his own head presumably. Brock lightly nudged his out of his thoughts, moving him to the side of the building designated for smoking. He slipped the sunglasses off Bucky’s face, the shadows around his eyes a little darker, his eyes a little greyer. 

“Rough night?”

Bucky smirked, “Loki’s party was really good, you know how he likes them. Had a lot of fun, maybe missed a little sleep this morning.”

“I bet. I’m sure Johnny was there too huh.” Rumlow drawled out, examining Bucky’s face with a thumb lightly pressed to his chin.

A small laugh escaped Bucky, lightly pushing his friend’s hand away, “You know he was. He always has a way of being at those parties even if Loki didn’t invite him.”

Retrieving a pack of cigarettes from his pocket, Brock used his mouth to pull one out from the packet, his free hand retrieving his lighter from his other pocket. He held out the cigarettes for Bucky but he only shook his head sitting on top of the picnic table watching him. Brock lit his smoke, sitting down on the wooden bench seat, gesturing for Bucky to come sit beside him and he obliged, arms planted against his knees side glancing at the man.

“You okay Buck?”

A small appreciative smile reached his lips and Bucky nodded, letting his head drop, his chin hitting his chest, “Yeah, I’m good Brock. How are you? You have some things worse off than I do.”

A small chuckle escaped the dark haired male, exhaling cigarette smoke into the air, “You ain’t gotta take care of me, Kiddo.”

Bucky stared up at him, “Nah I don’t but you and I,” He moved his two fingers pressed together back and forth in the space between them, “We’re family. I always gotta worry about you Rummy especially when you do coke.”

A rough strong hand pressed down on Bucky’s shoulder, Brock’s gaze earnest and careful, “We’ve been friends for a long time Buck, you know I ain’t leaving you anytime soon. I get into the stupidest shit, every fucking time I do I get out of it, don’t I?”

Bucky pursed his lips, nodding slowly. It was true and yet he could never help himself but worry about the consequences. “This isn’t breaking the law, this isn’t fighting Brock. This isn’t enforcing either. It isn’t like any of the other stupid shit you’ve done on the streets. I don’t want to come to you one day and find you dead. I can’t lose you, I can’t lose any of you, _ever_..”

Brock exhaled cigarette smoke, his slightly squinting eyes not leaving Bucky, “We all can’t live forever, Kid.”

Bucky hit his balled up fists against his leg, “Fuck off Rums. This isn’t a joke. Don’t fucking- ”

“Hey hey..” Brock flicked his cigarette off towards the walkway nearby firmly wrapping his arms around Bucky hugging him close. “What’s gotten into you?”

 

The parking lot was large, Sam opting to park in the very back and the farthest from the door stating it would be a good walk and the fact that he wasn’t interested in fighting others for closer spots. Steve almost missed it and yet he didn’t, freezing completely when he saw Bucky at the side of the building talking intimately with Brock. Almost on instinct he wanted to gravitate in that direction and Sam finally looked towards Steve then to where he was looking. 

“M-maybe I should just go say hi..” It wasn’t a comment necessarily directed towards Sam and Steve took a step in their direction.

Sam’s reaction was immediate, clapping a hand on Steve’s shoulder, urging him to stop. “Steve, no. You really can’t do that. He doesn’t want to talk to you and you really need to respect his choice. Going over there might come off as creepy considering he’s not answering your calls or texts even if this was all a coincidence. Just let him have his space right now.” 

Sam stared at Steve not taking his eyes away, a soft sigh escaping him while he gave his friend’s shoulder a squeeze, “Look, I know you need to be consoled when you’re upset but Bucky seems like he doesn’t want that..”

They both watched Brock flick his cigarette, Bucky seemingly agitated and abruptly upset until Brock wrapped his arms around him, talking low and gentle, the care he had for Bucky clearly evident.

Sam lightly nudged him, “Okay..maybe just not from you."

Steve sighed heavily, his eyes fixated on the pair ahead of him. He felt his face heat up, trying to suppress as much as he could with Sam next to him. He attempted to mask it by starting up their walk through the lot again, though a little slower now.

 

Bucky shook his head, pressing his forehead against Brock’s shoulder, hesitating to respond for a moment as he felt the pressure in his throat, “I don’t even know. I’m sorry, I don’t even fucking know.”

Brock moved his hands to cup both of them against Bucky’s cheeks, pulling his head to look at him. He pressed his forehead against his clutching him firmly.

“Hey, don’t gotta say sorry yeah?” He crooned out low and soft. “Are you alright? Did something happen Buck? I asked you this on Saturday and I let it slide that night, don’t do it today.” 

At first Bucky shook his head, hesitating as dark eyes watched him carefully and eventually he shrugged his shoulders, “I had another panic attack on Friday night in front of Steve. I lost control of everything and it stresses the shit out of me, I hate feeling helpless and useless. I got so upset and anxious, I just left him but he’s a decent person Rummy, he is.”

A frown embedded across Brock’s face, “Kid, no one cares if he’s a decent person. You gotta take care of yourself first. You’re what’s important, not him. He’s just a passin’ fancy you don’t need to worry about, okay?”

Bucky’s brows furrowed, slowly nodding to him, “Yeah..”

“You know I’m right. Did you take your pill?” 

Heavy calloused fingers dragged through his hair, comforting Bucky as he shook his head. “I passed out at his place and fell asleep from exhaustion, I didn’t need them.”

“Shoulda given one of us a call, we woulda picked you up and taken you home to the brownstone.”

“I know, it just happened so fast and it was sudden. It’s been a long while. I cried so much..and I was throwing up..I just fell asleep after I wore myself out.”

Brock went quiet for a long moment before he looked at Bucky, his eyes soft and gentle, a look Bucky took very seriously, “Brock..?”

A small sound escaped Rumlow’s lips, a gentle sigh that felt like he was trying to release his burdens all at once but knew it was impossible. His hand continued stroking Bucky’s hair, the fondness and affection melting the gruff exterior he held so strongly to and projected. Bucky always disarmed him, he never forgot everything Bucky had done in life for him, their friendship when he was running away from everything and hating everyone. Bucky collected strays and the ones he collected he took care of. It didn’t take Brock long to figure out Bucky Barnes gave a shit about him, he had no idea why and he never asked. The rich kid with the heart of gold trusted him with his life, Bucky never had to tell him that. Brock just _knew_. If Brock Rumlow was anything he was loyal, but growing up with Bucky, Natasha and hell even Clint as well as Jack, taught him there was a lot more than that he could do. He was surviving with them when everyone else in the world barely knew he was alive and he’d forever been grateful for that.

“Still that sweet dumb kid that wanted to feed me a sandwich because he said I was too big to be skippin a meal.”

Bucky paused, ducking his head with a small smile at the memory of when they first met. Brock always randomly reminding him of just how ridiculous their first introductions were even if it probably saved Brock’s life in the process.

“You were a big dumb bully though, Rummy. You were about to punch me, I had to disarm you with something.”

A low rumble of laughter escaped Brock, “Don’t get carried away there, you _did_ run into me. I only bully the kids that start shit with me. Luckily you had the sandwich, though I kept thinking how much of a weird fucker you were tryin’ to ply me with food.” 

Bucky sat back with a grin, “It worked, didn’t it? You gotta feed a man to keep him.”

Brock barked out a loud laugh, playfully shoving him, “Oh lord, don’t start.”

A laugh escaped Bucky feeling Brock pull him in hard for a tight hug again, Rumlow’s grizzled cheek burying against his neck, Bucky mirroring the gesture into his neck, “I just want you to be happy Bucky.”

Bucky squeezed his eyes shut, pressing himself closer to him, “I just want you to be happy too Brock.”

 

As soon as Sam had managed to corral Steve inside without raising an alarm to Bucky or Brock he _hoped_ Steve wouldn’t dwell and Sam really should have known better. The life seemed to have be gone from Steve, doing everything automatically like he was a shell of himself lost in his own head. He hadn’t seen him act like this for a long while and it was mildly unnerving to see it again. 

They had gone through routine warm ups, Steve barely looking up and Sam had to snap his fingers in front of his face to get him to even look at him, “Is there something you’re not telling me Steve? You seem questionably choked up about Bucky.”

“He just looked so tired.” He barely muttered out, climbing onto one of the incline treadmills. Sam opened his mouth to say more but Steve put in his earbuds and went to work, effectively shutting everyone including his best friend out. Sam could only huff out a loud burdened sigh before beginning his own work out, getting on the machine next to Steve giving his friend one last look watching him stare straight ahead completely transfixed at looking straight ahead before he put on his own music.

 

When Monday’s work shift rolled in Steve was stressed out; worried and afraid Bucky hated him, the lack of contact eating at him like festering wound. He may have thought that was too much of a comparison but it felt good right then, normal in fact, knowing how badly he wanted to know why the hell he was avoiding him so badly.

“Nat come on. Where is he now? Is he angry at me, did he say?”

She finished wiping down the last table at work, turning her head to look at him with a soft sigh. She had refused to answer his pestering questions about Bucky, not sure what to really tell him exactly. He hadn’t really managed to wear her down through the evening but it was more or less his complete and utter refusal to back down. It was genuine worry and he was getting distracted after barely one shift messing up drinks, dropping things, looking downright lost. She didn’t even want to think how he was all weekend.

_These two, I swear_.

She rested the cloth on a serving tray, taking it back to the bar and leaving it there. She tilted her head for him to follow her to the back already walking off. He immediately kept to her heels, his hands grasped together. 

“He’s fine, he’s just embarrassed.”

“Embarrassed? Embarrassed about what?” He almost reached out to hold her forearm but he stopped himself. 

Natasha looking at his hand then to his face, a small thin frown at her lips, “Bucky had a panic attack, I’m sure you figured that out by now. He’s not used to something like that in front of strangers.”

“Strangers? But I’m- ”

She raised her hand to stop him, nodding, “Yeah you’re not a stranger but you’ve never seen him have one. It’s terrifying and he can’t control it, especially the crying. I’m glad it didn’t happen somewhere out in public with strangers who didn’t know him, at least you were there to take care of him but its really scary for him and he’s tried to hide it the best he can.”

_Especially from someone he has feelings for._

Steve sighed, rubbing his face with his hands, groaning into it loudly, “He shouldn’t worry about stupid things like that with me. He knows I’m kinda of screwed in the head too. We all are in some way. I wish I could just tell him that to his face.”

Natasha took his hands gently giving them a light squeeze, “Steve, don’t stress yourself out. You will in due time. Just know he’s okay and be alright with that. Bucky is a little..complicated. He doesn’t trust a lot of people and maybe you feel like he’s comfortable with everything, but he still has troubles he won’t vocalize, you've noticed he doesn't actually talk things out at times."

Steve frowned, nodding to her. He knew it wasn’t a choice to let it be. That was all she would give him whether he liked it or not, “Can you at least tell me why he had a panic attack? I mean, all this time he’s been saying he’s allergic to strawberries and then suddenly he freaked out and it came out of nowhere.”

“You know full well that’s something you have to ask him.”

“I know, I know I’m sorry. I’m just trying my best to wrap my mind around this situation the best I can. He just left me without a word, its really hard when..”

Steve didn’t know how to finish that sentence without sounding like a complete mental case. 

Natasha only looked at him, patiently waiting for him to finish. 

He slipped his hands away and leaned into the wall, letting it hold him up, his eyes looking up at the ceiling, “When you feel like you did something wrong. Something terribly wrong. I get like that. I _need_ some people. I’m a head case. When I know he’s there or Sam’s there or Tony, I need them. If they up and leave without warning I feel agitated and weird. I stress out. He doesn’t want to talk to me, it only makes me feel worse and disgusting. I know I shouldn’t dump this on you, just my issues make me feel distracted when they’re not settled. He left and I worry like I’m the problem. I’ve been trying not to do that but it sits there burning in me. Geez, I sound so self absorbed.”

Nat gave him a gentle smile, “You’re not. I understand what you mean, but you have to force yourself to leave it alone for now. You can’t change it til he’s ready to come to you. I’d also like to add, not to be nitpicky or anything, but didn’t you do that to Bucky in a way?”

Steve groaned out softly, “I didn’t just ditch him. I poorly executed an insignificant reason for not hanging out which caused a misunderstanding.”

She lightly jabbed him in the left pec, “Which hurt his feelings, no matter how much he’ll shrug it off nowadays.”

“It’s not the same Natasha.”

She shook her head, “No, it’s not but you should get some perspective on it. He needs some space, let him have it.”

Steve could only sigh out in defeat. He had no choice and he knew that. He could easily go look for him, he knew some of Bucky’s hiding spots though he knew that would be more bad than good. He could only suck it up and ultimately Steve was backed into a corner with nowhere to turn.

He went home with his number on a bottle of whiskey and some old jazz in the background.

 

The party was dying down if Bucky could even call it that sitting on a couch next to Johnny with his hand wrapped around a bottle of beer bored out of his damn mind.

“You know, they have a hot tub."

Bucky raised a brow, "Really?"

Johnny grinned with a nod, not able to keep himself from biting down on his lip in excitement, wiggling a brow playfully, "Do you wanna go try it out?"

Bucky paused for a second though he already felt his hand being tugged off the couch and in that direction. 

They passed by people lying around here and there passed out drunk, music still playing in the background. Bucky drank down what was left in his bottle, placing it on a random table allowing Johnny to pull him down a dimly lit hall and around to a different part of the house. They maneuvered around the living room furniture to the glass sliding doors, the hot tub uncovered and running already.

"Fuck its cold out here." Bucky muttered as he stepped outside, shivering slightly as he watched his breath fog out into the chilly still air. 

Johnny was already ahead of him dipping his fingers in the water, feeling the bubbles rushing against his fingers, "Who cares, this thing is boiling. C'mon Barnes."

Bucky huffed out softly, turning to see the other male already down to his boxers. Still, knowing he had the right idea, he quickly did the same, tossing his clothes on top of the other pile, climbing in after him.

Bucky slowly sank in, groaning helplessly to how good it felt on his body, dipping down to his ears before seating himself against the side letting his head fall back against the lip of the tub while he closed his eyes. The jets at either side of him massaged his sides, causing him to quickly forget anything he had on his mind, "Oh god this is good."

Johnny grinned, wading up beside him, "Didn't I tell you?"

Cracking an eye open for a second, he could only nod back with his arms propped against the sides just letting it all sink in. He heard and felt Johnny waste no time in moving closer to him, his thigh squeezing against Bucky's and he only laughed at his eagerness.

"When are not thinking about getting something from me?"

"Probably when I'm sleeping."

"You're getting mushy."

Johnny experimentally leaned in, nudging his nose lightly to see if Bucky would turn his way. He raised his hand from the water, gingerly sliding up along the side of the Bucky’s neck, "Nah, just like you best outta everyone else I'm with."

Bucky scoffed at the statement but moved his head to meet Johnny's, opening his eyes to see half hooded blues staring back at him. He closed in, kissing him softly. It wasn’t like last night where it was all drunk and needy, this time Bucky was more sober than not and completely docile, though that tended to not matter at times. His hand firmly pressed at the nape of Johnny’s neck which rewarded him with a soft needy whimper from the male, his free hand gliding against smooth skin beneath the churning water. He slid his fingers down, tucking behind the waistband of Johnny’s boxers, gripping his hip hard and pulling him onto his lap. 

Johnny sank down against him moving to straddle Bucky’s thighs along the smooth molded seat he had sat on, their kiss breathless and laced with something else. He could barely contain himself, the sensation of trimmed nails pressing and digging into flesh caused a soft sigh to slip out against Bucky’s mouth.

Bucky took the advantage to slide his tongue past Johnny’s parted lips and into his mouth, keeping him in place with both of his hands, feeling Johnny’s knees slide along the seat surface away from him a little, rolling his hips against Bucky’s own. He barely caught Johnny brace his arms out against the lip of the hot tub, his hand moving off Johnny’s hip to cup his ass and give it a small squeeze, hearing him let out a choked out groan.

Kissing him desperately, Johnny pressed in closer reveling in the hot taste of Bucky’s mouth, the feel of his tongue sliding slick against Johnny’s own, letting him dominate and lead him to whatever he wanted. He felt Bucky’s fingers bruising into his skin and he only wanted more, moaning out softly against Bucky letting his hips shift teasingly into his groin. 

Bucky growled out in protest, low but assertive, pressing down his hand that rested against Johnny’s ass to still Johnny and remind him. He squirmed a little at Bucky tightening his grip only to feel him lean back slightly and rock his own hips upward, Johnny’s breath hitching at the press of Bucky’s own cock against his, the thin fabric of their boxers not masking anything. Johnny moved one of his hands off the edge of the hot tub, tangling it into Bucky’s dampened hair, tugging lightly only to hear him emit a low groan, momentarily breaking their hungry kiss. 

Bucky drew back, much to Johnny’s whining protest. He felt him tug at his hair softly again, Bucky’s fingers digging into flesh at both points with his hands, lips seeking out Johnny’s neck. He tightened his hold against the back of Johnny’s neck, grinding their hips together in a smooth sync of rhythm not able to hide the ghost of a smile to the slightly louder groan that slipped out from Johnny, a startled broken cry interrupting it when Bucky bit at tender skin, sucking on the spot painfully before he licked the bruised area with his tongue.

“..God..shit, Buck..just.. _don’t stop_.”

Bucky almost laughed at the scramble for words, nipping and suckling at Johnny’s collarbone, leaving a few more marks for good measure. Bucky knew he had Storm where he wanted him, rolling his hips slow and steady, peppering kisses along Johnny’s bare damp shoulder before pressing his face against the crook of his neck. 

Johnny gripped fiercely to Bucky’s hair, tugging at it a little on instinct, his head dropping back feeling the press of Bucky’s other hand there; warm fingers momentarily brushing into his hair. His breaths shifted quickly from pants and whimpers to ongoing, endless moans into the cold night air. Quickly the slow rolls of Bucky’s hips began to drive him for more, to need more. 

Johnny’s hands fumbled and moved to grip at Bucky’s shoulders, his fingers digging into skin. His body sagged over against Bucky’s desperate and flushed. The heat coiling up inside of him, Bucky’s name spilling from his lips in desperation.

" _Oh_ fuck.. _ **yeah**_.." Johnny growled out, rolling his hips harder in encouragement. 

Bucky knew the succession of moods all too well, his hand shifting off the nape of Johnny’s neck to press it firmly against his shoulder, Bucky’s own hot panting breath washing against Johnny’s glistening skin as he dropped his forehead against Johnny’s shoulder his hips speeding up and he heard Johnny helplessly release ragged groans. His cries only becoming louder, teeth biting down on his bottom lip involuntarily, Bucky knew he was so close. His own orgasm lurking just as imminently, his moans lost against skin.

Bucky’s wet lips and teeth dragged along Johnny’s flushed skin moving his hand to rest both of them on the curves of his ass, gripping the smooth supple flesh til his fingers were bruising and marking him up. Johnny’s cries only became more blatant, the sound ringing through Bucky’s ears as neither of them really gave a shit that quite possibly Johnny Storm was responsible for alerting disturbed neighbors or voyeurs alike to what they were doing in a hot tub.

Bucky only ground harder into Johnny while he pressed him down, knowing full well there was going to be an impressive set of bruises on his hips and especially his ass for a few days. Johnny rode the sensations, screwing his eyes shut as he felt himself letting go.

“God..Buck- _Bucky_!” 

Johnny helplessly cried out as he came, his body seizing as his fingers dug into Bucky’s skin causing sharp pinpricks of pain to shoot down his spine and Johnny could only shudder with a choked out gasp falling pliant and relaxed against Bucky’s frame trying to catch his breath still riding the wave with Bucky, the warm numbing sensation making him dizzy and weak.

Bucky closed his eyes, shifting his arms to wrap them tight against Johnny’s lower back panting louder as he continued to grind into him, Johnny’s soft whimpering and hot breath flushing over his ear and it didn’t take but a fraction of a moment for him to cum as well grunting out a haggard string of moans as he eventually collapsed back against the wall of the hot tub. 

Bucky kept his eyes closed, collectively trying to gather his wits about him again, acutely aware of Johnny pressed listlessly into him, feeling his nose nuzzling lazily. Generally Bucky would have been bothered but he didn’t protest this time around, too spent to move for the next few minutes, enjoying his post orgasm high with the stark contrast of warm water and cold air.

Eventually Johnny groaned as he shifted and rolled himself off, a hand slipping over his neck sitting down beside Bucky, “Man, I can already feel parts of me bruising, especially on my neck and my ass. Don’t ever tell me you don’t leave marks.”

Bucky glanced over with half lidded eyes, a frown across his features, “You weren’t complaining earlier.”

“I’m sure my butt has a mess of bruises, I can barely sit.”

“Not the first time." A smirk took over, Bucky finally pulling enough effort to climb out of the hot tub and wring out his boxers as much as he could, turning to gather up his clothes. He gave the brunette one last look, heading to go back inside.

“Hey, where you going?!”

“You want me to check those bruises? I’m heading into the showers.” Bucky called out over his shoulder, disappearing inside.

Johnny’s eyes widened, scrambling out of the water bypassing his awaiting clothes and polite guest manners about entering when dripping wet altogether.

 

The knock at the bathroom door startled Bucky awake, sitting up from draping over the edge of the tub, the water he was soaking in had become lukewarm around his torso.

“Shit.”

“Bucky you okay in there?”

Bucky rubbed his eyes tiredly giving himself a few moments before he braced himself against the wall, stepping out and onto the bath mat. He tugged one of the towels off the rail, quickly drying himself down. His mind felt cloudy, his body drained and in need of a better rest than he had been getting. Tuesday rolled in and he barely gathered three hours of sleep, leading him back to Natasha’s for sanctuary and some recovery.

“Yeah sorry Nat, I fell asleep in the tub. I’m almost done.” 

Wrapping the towel around his waist, he unlocked the door to open it, meeting her still standing there. She held out his phone and he couldn’t help but roll his eyes taking it and walking past her to his bedroom.

“He’s really worried about you, you know.”

Bucky didn’t respond, pulling boxers on under his towel before removing it. He slid a t-shirt on, glancing at her at the door before he climbed into bed yawning tiredly. “He doesn’t need to worry about me Natasha.”

Crawling underneath the covers, he put a hand out for her which she answered quickly to, barely disturbing the mattress while she snuck under the covers beside him. She laid out on her side, staring at him as he mirrored her position, staring back at her with his left arm tucked under his head. Natasha reached out to stroke his cheek softly, her green eyes carefully studying his face as he closed his eyes, nestling into the touch of her fingers dancing against his skin.

“Can you sleep with me tonight? Clint too?” 

“Feeling one of them coming?”

Bucky slowly opened his eyes, nodding as he looked at her, “Yeah, Johnny said I was mumbling and stuff louder than usual, just need a good rest.”

“You would be happier if you called him and laid down with him. Isn’t that who you were with the last time your nightmares woke you up?”

Bucky curled tighter under the blankets, “I just don’t feel ready seeing his face right now. That pitying lost puppy look after all that. I just need a day or so, let myself get past it.”

“What happened is nothing to be ashamed of.”

“I know, but it’s hard for me. You know I’m _trying_ to let him in.”

She nodded, petting his hair lightly one last time before slipping out of bed. Bucky shifted more to the center of the bed, hearing a light murmur of conversation and then a jingle of the dog collar not able to hide a smile on his face. Bucky lightly patted the bed and Lucky didn’t hesitate, shoving away Bucky’s other hand with his nose to lick his face. Clint sauntered into the room, his hair standing up on end in some places, wearing plaid boxers and a white t-shirt, a light blanket around his shoulders. He let out a soft yawn, climbing in lazily beside Bucky. He snapped his fingers at Lucky, gesturing to the end of the bed. The Labrador made a soft huff sound before actually complying, curling up over Bucky’s feet. Bucky turned on his back, glancing at Clint unsure if it was okay he was moved but the blond immediately shook his head giving him a thumbs up. Not wearing his hearing aids and looking too tired for any conversation, Bucky only nodded and turned his back to him again. Clint settled in behind him, putting an around around Bucky’s waist to keep him grounded while he slept like Steve did. 

“Okay?”

Bucky only nodded then suddenly turned prompting Clint to open his eyes and watch him curiously. He raised his hand to his mouth to sign _Thank you_ and Clint could only smile back at him sleepily, signing back _I love you_ before closing his eyes again, giving Bucky’s side a pat. Bucky smiled, turning back to face the other way. 

Natasha came back, changed in some soft cotton pajamas hitting the lights on her way in with the door left slightly ajar. She padded through to the bed, climbing in with her back to Bucky, letting the side of her head rest against his outstretched left arm. Bucky brought his free arm around to rest against her collar, the scent of her lavender shampoo filling his nose. 

She curled her arms over his right one, loosely tucking her hands beneath her chin. “Just don’t take too long. He’s completely falling apart without you.”

It took Bucky a moment to realize what she was talking about, murmuring a yes against her hair. He felt her squeeze his arm gently, “I mean it. I know you think I’m over exaggerating but he does miss you,” Her voice softened, “And Kotyonok, I know you miss him too.”

Bucky sighed out loudly, “I’m probably going to see him tomorrow and yeah I do miss him.” He trailed off in thought, a small smile playing on his lips, “How much does he miss me?”

Natasha playfully pinched him, causing him to jump slightly, “Enough to make him mess up drinks, drop things on the floor and ask me more than once how you are.”

Bucky smiled wider, snuggling against Clint and pulling Natasha tight to him until he picked up the small moment of her shoulders tense before relaxing again.

“What?”

“It’s nothing.”

“What is it?”

“Just be careful, okay?”

“With?”

Natasha let the balls of her fingers lightly drag along Bucky’s skin back and forth in a smooth motion, “With the parties and Johnny and anyone else. To tell you the honest truth, even though Steve is with Tony, he’s a good guy. He keeps you grounded.”

Bucky smirked, “You mean he keeps me in one place usually and it’s PG-13?”

“Do you remember the last time you and I went to a party..?”

Bucky groaned, burying his face into her hair, “Don’t.”

She smiled, her mouth kept shut as she settled against him, closing her eyes, “Goodnight James.”

His lips curled into a soft smile, “Goodnight Natasha.”

 

Steve brought his coffee to his lips, silently watching the rain forcefully pelt the windows from the outside. He could already feel it, it was going to be one of _those_ days.

He woke up in the morning with overcast skies and an irritating hangover. He also woke up with a ground chip on his shoulder and a soft mild feeling of loathing hostility. He felt it was better to stay inside for his own good and maybe better for others as well, he wasn’t even sure about cooking class today and he was already sure Bucky wouldn’t even show up which made him upset even more.

A knock at the door shook him from his thoughts, setting the cup down on the counter. He pulled on his grey fleece zip up over a pair of sweats and a tank top, briskly moving across the room and opening the door his expression changing to complete surprise.

_Speak of the devil._

Bucky smiled, both hands gripping the one strap of his backpack on his shoulder in almost a timid manner looking like a drowned cat. His hair matted over his face, blue grey eyes flickering with hesitation before brightening when the door opened.

“Bucky?”

“Well yeah unless someone else is named Bucky. Well you gonna let me in or what? I’m dripping out here.”

Steve quickly ushered himself out of the way letting Bucky in. Closing the door, he immediately tore through the hallway, pulling out a couple of towels from the closet. He handed them to him, Bucky flashing him a grateful smile.

“Thanks, it’s pouring dicks out there.”

Steve stood in silence, completely surprised to see him but also happy. There were so many things he wanted to say, he wanted to feel but he wasn’t sure. Instead he stood and watched Bucky towel himself off, shedding his hoodie off before smoothing out his wet hair, trying the best he could to dry off his wet jeans. 

“Where have you been?” Steve finally came back, his heart hurt, his stomach felt sick. He started to feel _annoyed_.

Bucky only grinned wider, Steve feeling like he really didn’t realize how much he actually worried about him. How much he wondered if he said or did something wrong to make the him stay away from Steve for so long. How much he wondered if this male in front of him even cared about him. Making him wonder if he was coming back ever again into his life. Steve began to feel irritated at Bucky’s nonchalant smile.

“Oh I took a breather.” Bucky shrugged casually, slipping his shoes off to check his socks.

“And it didn’t occur to you to call me and let me know after that night?” Steve’s voice rose, shaking slightly. He could already tell he was getting upset. He just really didn’t realize _at what direct point of why exactly_ he was getting upset. 

Bucky’s grin finally dropped, looking at Steve’s face darken, standing stiffly staring hard at him with his sky blue eyes, almost glaring at him. 

“No harm, no foul Rogers. I just wanted some time away, that’s all. It’s not a big deal. I mean, you wanted time away before.”

Rogers. _Rogers._ The way he said it, Steve completely disliked the way he said it. It sounded so mocking, so casual as if Steve’s feelings didn’t _matter_. Steve tried to calm himself down, taking in a long breath before releasing it.

“Bucky, I was worried about you. You refused to talk to me after that day and I worried how you may act after getting that upset. I know I wanted time to have some space but this is different, you got upset and left without saying a word!”

Bucky raised a brow, giving him a half smile, “You really don’t need to worry about me. I didn’t go kill myself.” 

Steve stepped closer to him, staring hard, “How can you even say that? How can you even stand there looking at my face like that? You know me enough to know I would fucking worry about you Buck.”

Bucky shook his head looking subdued, “Then don’t worry about me Steve.”

Steve felt angry, his palms almost pushing out at Bucky. He took an intimidating step towards him instead, Bucky instinctively taking one back until he bumped his head when he hit the wall, wincing slightly in surprise. His hand immediately went up to the spot, Steve closing in on the space as he stared hard at him, “You can’t do shit like that Buck.”

“Steve stop trying to crowd at me, shit.”

Bucky tried to move but Steve pressed his palm into Bucky’s chest, leaning in close to push a bit of his body weight into it. 

“C’mon, seriously get off me. You’re kind of going sixteen ways to crazy right now.”

“No Bucky. I’m not going to take that kind of shit from you. I was fucking _scared shitless_ worried about you being okay and of course your friends said you were fine but I just needed you to assure me. You! I trusted you with how I am about being clingy to people I feel I’m close to and you completely disregarded that! Hell I even saw you one of the days you were ignoring me and you looked like you hadn’t slept then you waltz in here like it’s fucking nothing and everything’s fine!”

The weight of Steve’s hand dug hard into Bucky’s sternum. He squirmed at the intrusion of discomfort, trying to arch his back slightly to give him space to breathe better. He wasn’t exactly scared of Steve but the intensity was hard to swallow. Steve Rogers. In Bucky’s mind _his Steve_. Pressing him into the wall because he was fucking scared of him running off again.

“Steve!”

Steve glared at him hard, angry. The adrenaline coursing through his veins making him want to escalate, push Bucky, push himself. His mind was racing, buzzing with endless things he wanted to do, to say. He wanted to-

“Steve, I can’t fucking breathe, you’re hurting me!” Bucky was practically mewling.

Bucky felt the weight completely disappear as quickly as it came. He started to breathe normally, his hand pressed gently over the spot, knowing it may quite possibly have a handprint mark there for a little bit of time. He let the air come in and out of his lungs, focusing carefully on making sure he was completely okay. His eyes worriedly looked over at Steve, the male looking back at him, panting with regret all over his face. 

“Buck..I’m sorry. I’m really freaking sorry. I just got angry. I didn’t hurt you did I?”

Bucky didn’t answer, his hand softly feeling out the soreness against his chest and it didn’t hurt much, it was more the weight when it was there. He knew Steve wasn’t like this. Steve Rogers was not abusive. Steve Rogers was _scared_. Bucky had dealt with abusive people before, he knew what abuse was. The look on Steve’s horrified face knew he had never acted like that and was now very aware of it. He could count on one hand the amount of people he believed that would get to this level of anger towards him because they worried about his well being and he silently added Steve as a fourth.

Steve kept close to him but gave him space, he didn’t try touching him and could only look at him pitifully, worry tracing every detail of his face. Bucky’s chest was throbbing, the light ache warm on his skin as he kept his hand pressed there. His breathing was normal now, it just stung a little when he breathed in, he’d had worse in fights. He studied Steve and could see the gears turning in his head about how shitty he probably felt for cornering him. 

“If I asked you to not talk to me anymore, would you do it?”

Steve balked for a moment, looking at him. He opened his mouth to protest but then quickly closed it, his eyes dropping to the floor to sweep across the wood then he came back up to look at him, nodding slowly. “I would. I’d have to. I’m sorry Buck.”

A small sound escaped Bucky’s lips, almost a sigh but not. He walked into Steve and at first Steve wasn’t sure what to do before lifting his arms up to wrap them around Bucky instinctively, protectively curling into him. He shifted his whole self to swallow Bucky in, almost cradling him, “I’m sorry. I was worried, doesn’t mean it’s an excuse. Will you promise not to run off again? You don’t have to talk to me, just..don’t run away anymore. I can’t deal with that stuff. I worry and the worse things come to my mind. I can’t even sleep, I keep thinking bad things and- ”

Bucky didn’t want to hear anything, shushing him softly. He quietly nodded to Steve’s request and though he was the one being held, he rocked Steve gently. His arms wrapped tightly around Steve’s waist, his face tucked into the crook of his neck. He just wanted to stay safe in his arms, he didn’t want the protests, he didn’t want to think of the fact that he shouldn’t do this. He just wanted Steve to hold him and care about him. He desperately needed it and he didn’t really realize it til that very moment.

Steve missed him so much and he knew he was being ridiculous about it but he did. The fact of the matter was that Bucky seemed to miss him just as much and he was just glad that they were both at the same level, understanding each other without needing to say anything. He was sure on some higher purpose that was so fucked up but he didn’t question it.

Bucky felt the air rushing out of his lungs as Steve squeezed his arms tighter around him. His ribs were hurting but he didn’t care, he only let himself become boneless against him. “Missed me huh?”

Steve lightly bumped his head against Bucky’s, a huff escaping him, “I thought you were angry at me. I told you already that I think the worst. Are you okay?”

Bucky pulled back, rolling his eyes so Steve saw it, “You’re so dramatic. I’m fine. I just needed time and some space to myself. I had a panic attack, I don’t like people knowing about it.”

Steve bit down on his lip wanting to ask why, wondering what exactly made him react like that but he knew better. Instead he loosened his arms, “I’m sorry about the milkshake. If I had known I- ”

Bucky quickly shook his head to stop him, “Shh, don’t. You didn’t know better. Easier to say I was allergic than to come clean, that’s all on me. I got scared and embarrassed Steve. When you lose control because your brain and your body are doing something in reaction to something as simple as _strawberries_ and you can’t stop it’s kind of fucked up.”

Steve hugged him tightly again and Bucky shook his head slowly, allowing himself to ease into it. Not in his wildest dreams did he think something like this was going to happen and moments like this felt so surreal causing him to wonder if he was still sleeping somewhere all this time.

He squeezed Bucky’s body tight to him, he was careful not to be as hard the second time but he was still firm and Bucky didn’t fight him. He was grateful just to be able to feel Bucky out and know he hadn’t disappeared forever. He could even feel the pulse of Bucky’s heart against his own chest and it was soothing. He was aware how attached he had gotten in such a short period of time but he didn’t care, staying there until he felt the soft tap of Bucky’s hand to his elbow.

Steve drew back, looking apologetically at him, Bucky only shaking his head at him in silent understanding lightly squeezing his arms. 

It finally dawned on him like a stack of heavy bricks, the coolness against his chest, the way Bucky looked half dampened while the rain pelted harder against the windows.

“You should probably go take a shower and change, you’re gonna get sick standing in wet clothes and I’m just stupidly keeping you here.”

Bucky opened his mouth to respond, quickly closing it right after. He nodded and lifted up his backpack, Steve moved past him to grab a fresh towel from the hall closet. He grabbed the neatly folded Christmas pants Bucky adored with a white t-shirt, Bucky standing at the bedroom door watching him with a gaze comparable to some sort of sweet endearment, at least that was what Steve saw at least.

Generally Bucky would have gone into the bathroom and lived under the hot water for a good long time but he was absolutely buzzing inside, eager to wash up and soak in enough of the warmth from the shower to settle down and curl up with Steve. He had fun, lurking at familiar parties and seeing people from his haunts but he had missed Steve a lot. He made sure to forget about him, get blind drunk and sleep through half the day..so to speak, but when the fog cleared, the ache came back and reminded him just how much he should let shit go. He did though finally, not completely but enough to see his face again and learn just how much Steve really did care about him, at least for a friendship. 

He felt his entire body flush and not to the scalding water, a shy smile crept across his lips surging to finish up quickly, getting out in record time. He slipped on his comfy clothes and stepped out into the living room to find Steve in the kitchen, a bowl of popcorn sitting on the coffee table, a movie already beginning to roll. Steve looked up and instantly lit up, gesturing to the couch, “Sit yourself down Buck, I’m almost done here.”

Bucky gave him a small nod, seating himself down with the popcorn bowl in his lap. Steve settled in beside Bucky soon after, two large cups of hot chocolate to ease the chill of the outside. Oddly, even though he had wanted it, he felt himself jump when Steve smoothed his hand down Bucky’s back, wordlessly saying he was there for him if he felt like talking. Steve flashed an apologetic smile and drew back, Bucky lightly bumping his shoulder playfully before taking a small sip. His instincts not getting the memo that Steve was beside him and not random people anymore. He had no idea he needed this either, taking another tentative sip of the scaling hot drink before setting it down to focus on the movie and eat more of the warm popcorn. This just felt good, it felt _secure_ simply being right here.

Taking a handful of popcorn for himself, Steve glanced innocuously towards Bucky watching him slowly chew while he actually paid attention to the movie. Steve was completely understanding of Bucky not wanting to talk about his ‘episode’ but it was a little unnerving for him to sit there and pretend nothing had happened that night. He wanted to help him but he knew there was only so much you could do if they didn’t want it from you. Steve chewed on his lip thoughtfully, staring at the screen but not exactly sure if he was going to be able to fully pay attention. Bucky shifted closer, moving his arm across Steve’s lap for the remote at his vacant side, turning the volume up a little. He sat back crunching on another handful of popcorn but didn’t bother moving back now that he was pressed against Steve and Steve really wasn’t in the mood to say anything otherwise.

“So, what did you do while not around here?”

The moment the words left Steve’s mouth, he was well aware he probably wouldn’t like any sort of answer he was going to get. Bucky was, of course, Bucky and in his purest form to everyone else meant he probably partied until he passed out drunk or got in bed with someone. Two things Steve started to slowly feel himself worry over.

Bucky shrugged softly, his eyes glancing at Steve then back at the screen, “Nothing. Same things I was doing before. Went to the club with some friends. Loki had a party, Johnny invited me to some other party, then I took it slow on Tuesday.”

_Oh._

“Oh yeah?” He attempted to keep it light, stretching his arms nonchalantly over his head with a bored yawn before his hands rested back on his thighs, “Saw Johnny a lot, must have been boring.”

“Nah, it was alright. Better than spending the night sleeping with some stranger. Though, I might as well have been that one night, God I barely remember even getting into bed with him."

Steve had completely forgotten about Johnny, so now the idea had replaced itself from random encounters to specifically Johnny fucking Storm filling the empty space in the bed and suddenly Steve was hit with that familiar bug of jealousy. It didn’t help that as Bucky spoke, Steve’s eyes had drifted to a soft black purpling mark just beneath his jawline, his eyes snapping back to his hands.

Steve silently scolded himself, sighing out softly and suddenly Bucky was peering over at him. Everything unanticipatedly became hyper-aware for Steve, staring back at Bucky like he was caught doing something dirty. He rolled back the last few minutes in his mind, hoping he didn’t blurt anything out. 

He agonized until Bucky gave him a tiny shy smile. Steve watched him reach his hand to Steve’s own that had been resting on his thigh but hesitated last minute, drawing his hand back to himself and without blinking Steve grabbed it before Bucky completely pulled back, “What’s wrong?”

Bucky shook his head, avoiding his eyes, “I..thanks for taking care of me. Cleaning up my face, calming me down and not making jokes about me crying like a little baby.”

Steve was sure Bucky was going to say more but he stopped him to move the popcorn bowl onto the table and slide his arm around Bucky’s shoulders, pressing him to his side. He waited for something smart to be said but Bucky only curled into him instead, resting his head on Steve’s shoulder and for Steve it was good, they were good. That was all that really mattered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you may know I usually write a huge chapter and split them up once a month but this month has been a little up and down for me and my anxiety is really getting to me lately so I still have a second part to chapter of 9 im working on (that will be marked chapter 10 of course) and I still plan to post a new one (chap #11) around the beginning of next month but "chapter #10" may have a week or so delay so I apologize for that. <3


	10. He thinks we’re on a date or something.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Bucky catch up on lost time and annoy their friends on top of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Chapter 10 pic/gif](http://kalika999.tumblr.com/post/139838928545/hunger-of-the-pine-chapter-10-steve-and-bucky)
> 
> Thanks for being patient with me, I went a little over so I hope that's good. :3

**Early October, 2015**  
  
  


To Steve’s dismay cuddling on the couch with Bucky while it rained was a perfect way to spend the day until they had class except for the fact that Bucky had already made plans to meet up with Clint and Natasha at the mall and run a few errands. As luck would have it, he had a few things he needed from there anyway so he joined the trio and with Bucky back, Steve just wanted to spend time with him again. He begrudgingly rolled with it, knowing it was probably good to get some air anyway.

They both walked through the covered parking lot in a change of clothes, Steve in casual blue jeans and a grey t-shirt, his leather jacket pulled over it. Bucky’s outfit was baggier than usual over the fact he had to borrow Steve’s clothing, his own still damp and so was his backup pair to his dismay. He managed in a pair of blue jeans a little looser than he was used to held up with a belt, Steve’s red Henley paired with it though it hung a little off him especially in the chest area, buttons undone and sleeves pulled up at his elbows. 

Natasha and Clint waited outside the doors, both respectably suited for a lazy day of shopping in grey weather, dressed in jeans, one blue and one in black, with long sleeve open zippered hoodies, one grey and the other purple and both with black t-shirts.

Natasha raised a brow towards Bucky clothing, “Losing weight?”

Bucky rolled his eyes, pushing his hair back from his eyes, “These are Steve’s clothes, mine are still wet from the rain earlier. Did you and Clint pull clothes from the same dresser drawer again?”

“I’ll have you know Natasha _likes_ wearing my clothes, thank you.” Clint shot back.

“I think Bucky looks fine in my clothes.”

“You would think that,” Clint blurted out, recoiling slightly when Natasha gave him a look, “I mean, they _are_ your clothes. You’re bias.”

Bucky gestured for everyone to get going inside, “Where are we going first?”

“I need a new case for my phone so since the electronics store is right here, let’s hit that first.” Natasha announced, moving in that direction before anyone could say anything.

 

Steve looked up from the box of portable speakers he was looking at doing a double take when his eyes locked on the teasing sway of Bucky’s hips moving to the highly rhythmic music playing from the loud speakers in the demonstration area grinning over at Clint who was already dancing away to the tune and that was something Steve had no idea Clint Barton could do. But Bucky, it was Bucky Steve fixated back on right then, watching his arm resting on the display wall, fingers lightly tapping to the beat and moving to the tantalizing tempo that flowed through him like he was aching to move all night that way and it was effectively making Steve think of other things Bucky was probably really good at doing. Bucky’s bottom lip disappearing between his teeth definitely did not help the matter and he would have kept staring if it wasn’t for someone trying to wiggle through accidentally hitting Steve with their bulky backpack jarring the blond back to reality. Steve exhaled, combing his fingers through his hair nervously. He had no idea what to do with himself anymore. Natasha jogged over to him a minute later holding up a bag for the boys to see, “I got it, next store?”

Clint snapped his fingers as they made their way out, “We need some stuff for Lucky.”

Bucky pointed straight down ahead of them, “Pet store is that way.”

“There’s a men’s clothing store across from it, Clint I’m grabbing you some new sweaters.”

Steve watched Clint’s face twitch with a motion of retorting something back but decided against it, giving her a nod instead. He stopped at the front rack just outside of the pet shop looking at the clearance dog toys, Bucky following after him. Steve was more poised to see if there was anything he would want, following after Natasha into the men's store, suits lining the wall at one side, everyday outfits of shirts, sweaters and slacks at the other side. A warm thick mahogany brown cable-knit cardigan sweater caught Steve's eye, his fingers immediately reaching over to feel the sleeve. 

"Hmm, don't know about the color but its attractive." Natasha pointed out, her fingers running over the front of the low v-neck collar.

"Well," Steve looked behind the browns to pull out a couple of black ones still available, "What about black then?"

Natasha took one, pressing the hanger against Steve's upper chest, studying it for a moment with a nod. "Yeah, that looks good. Makes your eyes brighter."

Steve smiled shyly, gazing at it in thought. Another one beside it without the v-neck cut in a light blue caught his eye, one size too big for him but his mind suddenly thought about Bucky with his soft hair rumpled in that sweater too oversized for him but he liked it anyway all warm and comfortable in it.

Natasha took a hold of the sleeve of the same sweater he was looking at, her red painted nails lightly dragging along the material, “Looks like it’s not in your size, Bucky would look adorable in it though, wouldn’t he?”

Steve looked at her with owlish eyes trying to replay the last few minutes and he knew he said nothing and then Natasha wasn’t looking at him anymore. He definitely said nothing.

He cleared his throat lightly, “Yeah he would. Should get him one to see if he would even wear it.”

“He needs one. I swear if I see Barnes in any new ratty hoodies..”

Steve could only smile at her. He couldn’t hide the fondness he felt for Bucky and he hoped it wasn’t too obvious. He watched the sweater slip back into place on the hanger, the pair of them looking at it for a second before Natasha abruptly moved on to look at something else. 

Steve followed after her, looking through a rack of some button downs she had stopped at. He lifted his head to the sound of Bucky barking out a loud laugh across from them at the pet store holding up a squeak toy of a slice of pizza as Clint pretended to try and eat it. Steve smiled a little, watching them goof around some more while Clint shopped.

"You look at him like nothing else exists."

Steve jumped, his eyes shifting to Nat tucked at his side looking towards where he was looking. He glanced back at Bucky but he had gone further into the store. He felt his shoulders fall, dropping his head down against the arm propped up on the clothes rack. He had considered lying but he was pretty sure Natasha wasn’t going to buy it even if it didn’t stop him from feeling embarrassed.

"That obvious huh?" he mumbled out.

She stared at him for a long moment as if trying to access the inner workings of his mind, “Not exactly. You certainly gave yourself away right now but usually you do a quick look and change the subject. _That_ look was pure adoration. You can't hide it but it can be mistook for other things and shrugged off."

Steve could only groan lightly.

He felt her hand lightly rest on his upper arm, her voice softening a bit, "How long?"

Steve’s blue eyes peeked back towards Bucky even though he couldn’t see him anymore, burying his face back against his arm sleeve not wanting to reveal the look on his face of just how screwed up he was feeling about it. He finally glanced over again, Nat’s face was nothing but open for him to say anything just like Sam was. 

"I guess it was at his parents gala thing. Being Bucky's date, well his guest and all even though as soon as Tony appeared obviously I went to be with him. Bucky seemed to be okay with it and then Tony left after he drank enough and did his thing.." 

Steve shrugged, "I was kind of in the dumps about it and Buck asked me to dance since that’s what I wanted to do with Tony that night. He seems to do that, you know? Fill in blanks if Tony can't, it's nice really."

Nat nodded, "And then it hit you?"

Steve nodded with a sigh, "Sounds awful though. Maybe I liked him longer than that, I did have a little tiny crush on him back in school but it was nothing and just didn't know too much about each other but I had planned to. Then I stupidly lost his number and it was history. Right now here in the now it just sounds like I'm using him like some asshole."

"Oh if you did, you'll know." Natasha mused, her green eyes shining up at him. “What are you going to do about it, Steve?”

Steve straightened himself up, shaking his head at her, “Nothing. I can’t do anything about it. Yeah maybe I like him and maybe I don’t know how much because for all I know it would be just an infatuation because he’s giving me attention but I’m not going to jeopardize my own relationship with Tony to be with Bucky. I don’t even know if I want to be with Bucky and he doesn’t even see me like that anyway, I just feel like..”

“He just simply makes you happy.” She interrupted and Steve could only nod to it.

Steve considered his next words carefully, thinking about the last month or so and his feelings with sharp clarity deliberately taking his time while Natasha only gazed at him with curiosity and Steve couldn’t believe he was unloading this all on someone who could easily betray his secrets even though she completely did not seem like she would.

“It’s been a long while since I’ve been happy. Genuinely happy. Tony makes me happy, my friends make me happy, my art makes me happy but overall it wasn’t complete. I thought I was before you came and dared Bucky to break into my apartment and I caught him and then all of a sudden he came back into my life and knocked me on my ass. It’s not even much of a change to what I would do usually but he just makes everything _him_ you know? And it’s like he’s a completely different element to what life is supposed to be for me. I don’t really know what to do about it.”

Natasha stared at him, her green eyes studying him with a stoic expression he couldn’t decipher, “Don’t.”

“Don’t what?”

She gave a slight shrug with her shoulder, “Don’t worry about doing anything about it. Don’t make things complicated. If you want a friendship with him and a relationship with Tony, don’t drag yourself down and cause yourself to worry. If you feel Bucky doesn’t feel like that and you plan to be with Tony, the answer is simple. Only you are making it harder.”

Steve glanced at her knowing she was completely right, his other hand gesturing slow and lazy, palm held up not knowing what he could say further after that, letting it drop to his side eventually. 

Natasha cut him loose, giving Steve a short nod as she turned away and moved to a table of pressed shirts laid out in different patterns and colors as if the man beside her didn’t just spill out his feelings. A slow measured breath slipped out of Steve, a weird worry of dread that seemed to sit there was suddenly gone and it felt good, real good to get it off his chest. His mind gently reminded him he would have to do the same when Sam was around, Steve was horrible with secrets that ran his heart and emotions never wanting help but finding solace that he could express himself freely without coming to blows over it. Natasha seemed to want to help, or at least be a friend. Her way around him never brash or fraudulent like she was around strangers or customers at work. She actually seemed to care and he had a feeling part of it was because she did truly like him and the other part was to make sure Bucky was safe. Something he was slowly beginning to understand why now. 

Natasha fished out her phone when it chimed, rolling her eyes and holding it up for Steve, “Those pigs went to eat. I’m still shopping if you want to go find them."

Steve shook his head, picking up a couple of folded button downs in two different colors holding them up, “I’m good here with you, you have an eye for what would look good on me."

“Of course I do.” She playfully winked at him, pointing at the dark grey one.

 

Clint and Bucky sat hunched over a small patio table just near the exit doors of the food court, both hastily eating slices of pizza and sucking back sodas, Clint lightly jabbing Bucky in the arm to gather his attention.

Bucky glanced up feeling a little caught off guard chewing on his crust with questioning eyes. Clint only sat back, tilting his head in the direction of the mall stores, gumming his straw mindlessly, “So what happened between you and Steve?”

Bucky scrunched his face slightly, “What do you mean?”

“Earlier today Stupid.”

He shrugged softly, “We talked stuff out, he asked me not to do that again so he doesn’t have another heart attack and I said I wouldn’t. The end?”

“He didn’t ask what happened?”

Bucky peeled a slice of pepperoni off his next piece, quietly popping it in his mouth, shaking his head. “Just about if it was a panic attack. He knows not to ask me about details Clint.”

A frown crossed Barton’s face, reaching out to lightly press his hand against Bucky’s, “Are you really okay though? We all had a moment of hell going on, I get it.”

Bucky laced his fingers with Clint’s, giving it a firm squeeze before letting go and taking a drink from his soda cup. He set it down, staring into blue eyes that were draped with a concern Bucky knew too well, “Thanks Clint.”

Clint raised a brow, “For what?”

“For being you.”

“What are you goin’ on about, Buck?”

“You let me breathe, you make things normal usually.”

“Aw that’s only because Natasha and Brock haveta always check on you and treat you like you’ll fall apart if they aren’t taking care of you. You fight though, you don’t lay down. It’s how I know you don’t need a Dipshit like me following after you all day.”

Bucky laughed softly with a shake of his head, “Yeah you are a Dipshit but only because you haven’t put a ring on that finger that’s been waiting for you to ask since the day you got your ass beat up.”

“Oh no way, not this again.” Clint laughed out, falling back in his seat. “I work in a coffee shop Buck, I smoke pot and I feed my dog pizza. Does it look like I can get married to someone who’s definitely out of my league?”

Bucky smiled fondly at Clint, “If she thought you weren’t good enough she woulda dropped you a long time ago. Trust me, she’s stupid in love with you and shes completely okay with that.”

Clint only rolled his eyes, “So how did this go from Steve to me and Natasha. Let’s change the subject, when are you going to tell Steve you’ve got the hots for him.”

“How about never.”

Bucky went to say something else, his eyes looking past Clint’s shoulder to a familiar dark haired male walking into a store nearby. He was tall and his usual clean cut features were speckled with a soft shadow of facial hair. He was in decent physical shape, dressed in a worn brown leather jacket over a casual black sweater and blue jeans. Brown eyes met Bucky’s and his features suddenly darkened, Clint turning around in his chair to see who his friend had seen and the male only glared at the both of them, walking inside.

“Of course we had to see Ward out here.”

Bucky laughed lightly, “There’s so many days we don’t, it’s bound to happen when he still lives around here.” 

Clint grinned, biting into his slice of pizza, “Looks like he still hates us. Talk about holding a grudge.”

The brunette shrugged, “He’s always talking shit about me still, did you know? I think it’s funny, let it go or at least fight me. That’s what bugs me, he talks like he wants to go fight it out again, he looks like he’s working out what’s the problem?”

Clint narrowed his eyes at Bucky, wagging his finger playfully, “But Barnes, you’re a whore and a slut. He’s just going to forever shame you for doing what you feel like doing. I’m starting to think he had a crush on you back in the day.”

Bucky almost choked on his soda, slapping his hand down on the table trying to cough out the liquid in his windpipe. He laughed out loudly, so much so a few people stopped to look at him worriedly, face flushing a crimson red as his eyes watered. He covered his face with his hand, “Oh no Clint, no!”

A sly grin spread across Barton’s face, “Think about it. He’s been hating you for a _long_ time Buck, do you really think this is all about me and a bruised ego?”

Bucky wiped his tears, smiling widely and nodding, “Yeah Clint, I honestly do think it’s just about a bruised ego. Grant Ward’s been banging chicks since for as long as I can remember.”

“You were banging chicks for as long as I remember too.” 

Bucky shook his head with a laugh, “I was with guys too.”

“More with girls though.”

“Girls were easier to be with, guys had no idea what they wanted. Everything was an experiment. I did get a lot of experimental blow jobs in the locker room though, I never minded them.”

Clint could only laugh harder, dropping his head forward, “Buck!”

“It’s the fucking truth!”

“I know but every time you hit me with that, man oh _man_!”

“Hit you with what?”

The both of them looked up from the table, Steve and Natasha standing by holding shopping bags.

Bucky looked over at Clint with a shake of his head, “Uh, nothing. Talking about high school.”

“We were talking about how so many guys in the closet got on their knees for our friend over here.” Clint spat out before ducking from a playful swing of Bucky’s fist.

Steve’s eyes widened, “Oh, wow.”

“Shuddap Clint, you say it like there were tons.” His eyes glanced over at Steve, “There weren’t.”

Steve raised his hands, silently admitting there was no way he was going to ask. Natasha rolled her eyes, playfully punching Clint’s shoulder, “There really wasn’t. Clint is being mean again.”

Clint scoffed, pulling himself out of his seat, “I’m not. I’m a perfect gentleman. You’re the one that said _a lot_.”

Bucky got up, tossing his trash in the can nearby, “Perfectly defective. Shut. Up.”

Steve grinned, waving his hands before another argument could start, “Okay I need to go to a watch repair place, who can point me in the right direction?”

“If we can stop for coffee, I’ll take you to one.”

Steve nodded while Natasha took up the spot Bucky was in, flashing Clint a knowing smile.

 

A sales assistant gave Steve’s apparently very old watch a look over, “Yeah, repairing this would be pricier than buying yourself a new one.”

“Really?” 

The salesman nodded and Steve sighed, running a hand through his hair in frustration. He turned to tell Bucky, only to watch the brunette eye fucking the second sales associate who was happily returning the gaze and a smile. Bucky leaned his back against the display counter, his eyes locked with the male behind it at the other end teasing his bottom lip, not even hiding what he was interested in.

Steve rolled his eyes, grabbing his arm to drag him out of there, missing a business card sliding out on the glass surface that Bucky snatched up before they were walking back towards the food court. 

“What? What’s up? You get your watch fixed?”

Steve was speed walking away, a stern look on his face, “Yeah Buck I’m finished. I’m better off shopping for a new one, sorry I tore you away from practically stripping your clothes off for that other sales guy.”

Bucky glanced back, then picked up the pace to keep up with his friend, looking over at him again, “Oh that’s cool.” 

He nonchalantly sipped at his coffee holding up the business card with a number written on the back, “I got it already.”

Steve abruptly stopped, a confused look on his face, “How the hell? We were only in there for less than five minutes. How did you..? Wait, no nevermind. I don’t even wanna know. How rude is that guy then, what if I was your boyfriend?”

Bucky stopped beside him and grinned, “I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t have mattered if he was giving me his number while I was giving him the eyes in front of you. If you like I could ask him if he wondered if you were my boyfriend, you know, as an etiquette thing.”

Steve huffed, walking again, “Etiquette my ass, neither of you have that. I still think it’s weird you literally took less than five minutes to get laid.”

“Easier than waiting for when my boyfriend has time for me..” Bucky shot back following after him.

“Ouch Barnes, you really know how to hit below the belt.”

Bucky wiggled his brows with a silly grin, “It’s generally where I’m looking, Rogers.” 

A sneer marred Steve’s face, playfully nudging his friend, “Where else?”

Bucky chuckled softly, “We-ll I don’t know if I’d ever be able to say no to those baby blues of yours.”

Steve felt his cheeks burning, making a soft sound of displeasure which only made Bucky laugh louder, gently tugging Steve’s sleeve, “Come on Casanova, let’s get back to those two lovebirds.”

Retrieving his phone to check the time, Steve paused again, “Actually it’s almost time for class and I told Sam I would help him set up tonight so I’ll meet you three over there in a bit?”

Bucky nodded with a shrug, “Sure thing, see you then.”

 

Steve made it to the school with twenty minutes to spare, swinging his key ring around his fingers quietly humming to himself down the hallway before he walked into the classroom for cooking class spying Sam thankfully by himself with a cardboard box under his arm pulling supplies out to place over the individual stations on the large group table.

“Hey Sam.”

Sam glanced up, a smile immediately reaching his face, “Steve! Hey! I didn’t expect you here so early. How are you?”

“I’m good, I came to help.”

Sam mused to himself, placing the last knife down on a cutting board then looked at the clock on the wall, “I think you might be a little late with that buddy. I’m sure it also slipped your mind that someone comes in and helps me if I need the help too. So what _really_ brought you here this early?”

Steve gave him a look, leaning against the demo counter Sam usually stood at for class but Sam busied himself with arranging some items on the table again before taking a step back to give it one look over then nodding to himself with his arms folded over his chest. Satisfied, he finally glanced at Steve, gesturing him to come join him at a pair of chairs sitting to the side of the room.

Steve suddenly felt the knot twisting in his stomach, nervousness taking over and the idea of backing out was coming in strong but he walked over anyway, seating himself beside his friend.

“So, what do you want to tell me that you’re practically bursting at the seams to inform me about?”

Steve rested his hands on his knees, fidgeting lightly with the material of his dress pants and Sam can only chuckle at him, Steve catching a gleam in his eye like he already knew what it was about which was a look that he was very familiar with.

“What? How do you know I came to tell you something important?”

“Oh, so it’s important huh? Well, I _have_ known you for a while..” Sam let on, leaning back in the chair with his head tilted back trying to look thoughtful as he glanced up at the high ceilings, one hand lightly fingering his chin. “You get a sixth sense about these things..”

Steve exhaled loudly, shrugging his shoulders, “Stop teasing me. It’s about Bucky.”

"Oh, I already knew about that."

"What? Really?"

"Steve give me some credit here. One, you're way too emotional to hide your feelings. Two, don't think I miss every time your goofy ass smiles like an idiot whenever you talk about him to me."

“Oh. Shit..I..” Steve could feel his stomach twisting tighter as the realization sank in, dropping his head to look at his hands.

Sam couldn’t help but laugh softly at Steve’s helplessness, “Look, if you want to back out of our little ‘talk’, you’re more than welcome to- ”

“No, no that’s not it. I just feel- ”

“Surprised? I’m not the first one to figure it out am I?” Steve dumbly shook his head, a flush reaching his cheeks and Sam took his hand lightly giving it a shake, “Let me guess, Natasha?”

Again, Steve could only nod while he found his shoes much more interesting than he did earlier.

Sam sighed inwardly, “I mean, really? C’mon, Steve. I’ve known you practically my whole life. I know when there’s something going on with you..and Romanoff, psh try to hide things from her and you’re gonna have a bad time.”

“Yeah.” It was automatic and quick because it was the complete truth. Sam always knew just like Steve knew when something was off about his best friend. He didn’t even have to think about Natasha.

Steve finally sat back, letting his shoulders drop as he lifted his head looking ahead for a moment then turning to actually look at Sam because Sam deserved that much. 

“I like him.” It’s low and quiet and completely laced in a shame he can’t shake off.

The hand holding his gave his fingers a squeeze, Sam nodding and giving him that smile he does when he wants to assure Steve that life is okay and it’s not going to crumble around him because he feels like it just might at that second.

“Okay.” Sam finally let out. “You love Tony too.”

“Yes,” Steve nodded to him in agreement. “I do. Very much.”

“That’s good,” Sam says. “Look, you know I always got your back, right? Whatever you choose to do. I’m on your side. I’m always gonna be on your side Steve.”

Steve chewed down on his lip, Sam giving him a comforting pat on the back, “And I can tell you have no plans to do anything about it so let me tell you this right off the bat, as always, I’m here if you need to talk. I understand trying to juggle your feelings out by yourself can be a stressful thing. Don’t let it be. I’ll always be here, alright?”

It was at that moment Steve felt the knot slip away from him, leaving him in some warm calm state that seeped deep into his bones like some kind of drug made to take all the heavy worry pulling him down that occurred without his knowledge. It was Sam’s specialty, to make everything better even if it wasn’t. Steve brought his free hand out to press over Sam’s, his gaze earnest, “Thank you Sam, for everything. Really.”

Sam smiled gently at him, his eyes never leaving Steve’s. They stayed that way for a few minutes in quiet comfortable silence that they both enjoyed and somehow recharged from.

“Might not be the best time to say this but you know they’re a pack of wolves right?”

“What?” Steve looked at Sam, his brows raised incredulously.

Sam shrugged casually, “Easiest way to say his friends are very close knit and protective of each other. You have a long road ahead of you to catch the eye of Bucky with them around but it’d be worth it.”

Steve groaned, “I don’t have any plans to but thanks for that comparison, really. Thank you. Of course you would use that one because I already know who the alpha male is and I’ve never met him but he already wants to kill me. Easily. He’s already glared at me like he wants to rip my throat out anyway. Isn’t that just a peach? A pack of wolves. Thank you Samuel Thomas Wilson, thank you so fucking much.”

Sam laughed out, playfully slapping him on the chest, “Hey, I was trying to give you a decent comparison. Like I said, you have lots of time to sort your thoughts out and a long road ahead. Even if you don’t want to do anything about it, you should just be aware of that.”

Steve could only shake his head to himself, “Pack of wolves..”

 

Bucky unwrapped the butcher paper with lamb shank written across it, Steve curiously pressed beside him watching in wonderment, “I honestly didn’t think we would get to make lamb.”

Bucky smirked, “I’m pretty sure Sam wanted to make sure we would, you know try to get something besides the chicken, beef and seafood.”

“Pork?”

Bucky nodded, “Yeah but that’s next week. Now you need to saute those vegetables so get to it.”

Sam had fun observing Steve now that the cat was out of the bag, not much had changed but Steve _tried_ , he was unconsciously attempting to please Bucky in class instead of mindlessly messing up because of his head wandering to something else or making actual human being mistakes. He second guessed things instead of just grabbing blindly and thoroughly read things so he wasn’t making a fool of himself. Although the effort was occasionally botched and he burnt his hand at one point, Bucky only had to tend to him with a gentle casual hand and Steve was in pieces looking like a puppy. 

Natasha leaned against the demonstration counter beside him, arms folded over her chest watching Clint brown the lamb shank pieces in the pan, “Did he finally tell you or did you figure it out that's not all puppy dog glances anymore because Rogers sure isn’t cut out for espionage, that’s for sure.”

A soft roll of laughter escaped Sam, nodding in agreement, “You’re right on that one and it was a little of both. I had an idea since he went to pieces while Bucky was gone. At least all you got were texts and calls, I got the hundred and one questions that were exactly the same no matter how much you cleaned it up. Please don’t take that the wrong way either, I love Steve to death but he’s hopeless when he cares about someone. Romantic feelings or not, he gets attached to them. He’s also one of the best people on earth to have as your friend. He’ll love you even if you don’t feel like you can love yourself.”

“Maybe that’s precisely what Bucky needs.” Natasha’s tone was soft, a smile teasing at her lips watching Bucky lightly place his fingers against Steve’s forearm gesturing for him to stop overcoating the lamb shank in flour, a blush of embarrassment hit Steve’s face as he nodded to Bucky, both of them letting out a laugh.

Sam only shrugged and nodded because he had no exact idea on the extent of Natasha’s words but he knew enough for them to have weight to them. They both seemed to fit together so well in many ways but then so did Tony and he was glad Steve wasn’t destroying one thing while trying to sort out the other.

Bucky rested a hand on Steve’s shoulder, watching him turn on the portable induction cook top that everyone had at each of their stations. “Okay, you remember how to brown meats right? So you just have to do that and careful not to put the heat up so high that you burn the shit out of it, I’ll measure out the wine and the crushed tomatoes.”

Steve nodded, hovering his hand over the nonstick pan. He placed the meat in, immediately hearing the satisfied sound of sizzling watching it like a hawk.

“Don’t stare at it too hard Steve, it might explode.” Clint shot out across the table, pouring the wine in a small stock pot while Natasha added in the tomatoes.

Steve glanced up, smirking at Clint, “Don’t light your apron on fire and dump wine on it to put it out like you did last week Clint.”

“Okay that was an extremely low blow Steve. Be glad I only had singed eyebrows.”

Steve chuckled, grabbing the tongs beside him to turn the meat over, “I _am_ glad it was only your eyebrows and nothing important, that’s true Clint. I hope if I ever get in your situation I have the same outcome with wine.”

Clint chuckled for a moment before he froze outright, “..Wait did you just insult me?”

“Stop teasing him Steve or else you’re gonna have to go through me.” Bucky let out behind Steve, playfully pulling him in a headlock and messing up his hair.

Steve unleashed a sound that sounded tragically like a surprised goose, throwing his hands up in surrender, “Okay okay! Clint I’m sorry that your survival skills would get you killed on day one if zombies attacked us!”

Bucky pressed his arm down against the back of Steve’s neck, keeping his arm locked in his hold forcing Steve to stoop down awkwardly and cry out in surprise again.

Clint burst out laughing, slapping a hand down on the table in amusement, “That’s actually a good one Steve considering I’d be perched up high somewhere sharpshooting but that’s alright I’m sure pouring them drinks and punching ‘em in the face will really fare well for you.”

Natasha and Sam stood by watching in amusement, as did most of the others in their class, Steve waving his arms around wildly, his head precariously pushed into one of Bucky’s knees.

“Buck! Come on, let me go!”

“I could do this all day.” Bucky breathed out, grinning as he shifted his weight a little bit.

“Well, I didn’t know Steve was that flexible.” Sam observed quietly.

“I didn’t know Steve’s ass could look any better but there you go. Stark is damn lucky.” Natasha mused.

Clint was laughing too hard, tears in his eyes.

Bucky grinned finally letting go of Steve, giving him a hug. Steve could only laugh, his face flushed a bright tomato red hugging back with a shake of his head. 

“Is this going to happen every time I pick on Clint?”

Bucky shrugged, glancing over at Barton, “I mean, you could run but then Clint could get you in the back before you even made it out the door. He’s a cinch at long range.”

Clint clucked his tongue batting his lashes jokingly at Bucky, “Aw Buck, that’s so sweet of you to say.”

“Because you know it’s true Babycakes.” Bucky gave him a wink, going back to his station happy he turned the induction off before he messed with Steve. 

Sam and Natasha shared a laugh, the brunette clapping his hands together to get everyone back on track. 

 

At break time they all sat at one of the tables across the room eating their second prepared dish of lamb chops and apricot couscous. Steve was over the moon over the couscous fawning over why Sam had never made this before for him.

“When did I become your personal chef?”

Steve could only take another bite, his face warm and happy as he chewed before he swallowed and pointed at his features, “How can you say no to this face? It’s so good and you love experimenting dishes on me!”

Natasha turned to Bucky, nudging his quiet frame, “You okay?”

The brunette glanced up with a nod, “I just don’t think I’m a fan of this.”

“Really? Can I have it then?”

Bucky looked at Steve, smiling slowly before he nodded to him. Steve paused, the last of his lamb on his fork, “Open up.”

Doing as he was told, Steve quickly fed him the rest of his chops in trade before taking Bucky’s plate to polish off his couscous.

Clint inconspicuously leaned far back in his seat, sticking a finger down his throat imitating vomiting faces and trying to roll his eyes to the back of his head. Sam quickly shot a hand to his mouth pressing his fingers to his lips to hide a burst of laughter. Natasha gave them both death stares and took another polite bite of her food.

“So, I was thinking next weekend I want to just hang out with you guys. Maybe we all meet up at someone’s house, lunch or dinner, some movies? There’s a game on too. If we do it at my place you’re all welcome to crash as long as you don’t mind the couch or can fight Steve for the guest room because he has priority. Steve you can ask Tony too. Interested?”

The four of them nodded in unison, Bucky cleaning up the plates, “Just tell me where to go. I’m up for whatever.”

Natasha nodded, “Let’s save for the where for later, I have a place too we can use so we can just pick whatever is convenient for the moment. Whatever we do, I definitely would love to make something.”

“We should all just potluck it. Focus on a main dish and mix in sides and snacks, good to go. Bucky I wanna watch a horror movie though.” Steve let on with a sweet smile.

“Fuck you Rogers. I can watch them fine, so what if I jump a few times?”

Clint leaped from his chair, grappling Bucky as he fought not to drop all the plates he was holding, “I’ll protect you from the Boogeyman!”

Steve grinned, looking up at them, “Me too, we’ll all tuck you between the four of us and you’ll be fine.”

Natasha and Sam smiled widely, obviously trying not to laugh about Bucky’s irrational fears.

An awkward uncomfortable smile spread across Bucky’s lips trying to stay standing up straight as Clint held on to him for dear life, “Great. Just great. You’re all a bunch of assholes.” 

 

Steve skimmed over the list of dishes on the menu for today again, Bucky draped up against his arm to read the same sheet. Steve nodded towards the first dish, “The potatoes might need to get started for the gratin dauphinois.”

Bucky only hummed for a second before playfully stroking the short hairs at the nape of Steve’s neck, “Say that again.”

Steve looked at him blankly, losing his concentration for a moment from Bucky’s touch, “What? Gratin dauphinois?”

A blush reached Bucky’s cheeks and nodded, letting his hand drop, “Sorry, when you say gratin dauphinois, it sounds really good. You speak French?”

Steve felt the color rise in his own cheeks feeling good that at least he wasn’t the only that held a language kink if he could even call it that. His body warmed hearing Bucky saying the same words with a clear accentuation to them while he made a small space between his thumb and his index finger, “A little bit. Not as much as you I see."

Bucky shrugged with a coy smile, grabbing the potatoes to peel them as the blush grew brighter on Steve’s face forcing his mind not to wander on what that look really meant.

Clint snorted watching the spectacle from his own cooking station, keeping his voice low, “Are they seriously getting hot for each other over the French word for potatoes? They're pathetic."

Trying not to break out in a smile Natasha distracted herself by giving Clint a kiss to his cheek while he cut the ends of some asparagus, “I think it’s cute."

Clint rolled his eyes mouthing _you would_ at her.

 

  


_I keep a service bell by my bed for you.._

_Let the others do what they do.._

Bucky stared at the ceiling in the darkness, his music playing into one ear through his earbud. He tried to sleep he really did but nothing was coming. His eyes shifted to look over at Steve’s back to him laying out on his side of the bed, making out the details of his body with his adjusted eyesight. Steve had barely made any sort of movement for the past hour and Bucky couldn’t tell if he was asleep or not. He pulled the blanket up tighter to his chin turning back to stare up at the ceiling holding his phone to his chest.

_Hold on.._

“Can’t sleep?”

Bucky silently looked over, hearing Steve shift around to face in his direction. 

“Nope. Been trying but I just can’t. What about you?”

“I don’t know honestly. I think I feel like shit still.”

Bucky sighed out, “Steve.”

Steve reached out, laying a hand on Bucky’s shoulder his palm lightly smoothing against the spot, “No, let me just talk for a minute. I definitely should have figured out another way to handle things. I just exploded and I apologize. I’ve never worried about someone that strongly before and I’m not so good with my emotions sometimes. There’s moments where there’s so much and it just spills over. I’m sorry I hurt you.”

_I keep a service bell by my bed for you.._

Bucky pulled his earbud from the one ear he had it in, setting his phone aside, “Are you finished with the after school special spousal abuse conversation?”

“I..what?” Steve could practically see Bucky rolling his eyes at him.

“That’s what you sound like. You made a mistake, if you ever do that to me again I’ll fight back Steve, but honestly you barely hurt me and it was an accident. Let it go.”

“Bucky.”

“ _Steve_.” Bucky let out, imitating Steve’s sad tone.

“Can’t you let me wallow in my sadness and regret?”

“Nope.” Bucky drew out with a definitive pop of the P, folding his arms over his chest. 

Steve couldn’t help but laugh, tugging Bucky’s arm free rolling him into his direction, “You’re a complete Jerk.”

A yelp escaped Bucky, Steve wrapping his arms around him into a tight bear hug and tickled him where ever his hands stopped, rolling about in the bed. Bucky dropped his head back, laughing out as his feet tangled themselves in limbs and bed sheets. Steve could only burst out in a horrible sound of giggles against Bucky’s neck listening to him, burying his face against his skin struggling to keep a firm hold around Bucky’s ribs. 

“Let go! Steve! I mean it, I’ll bite you again I swear!” Bucky howled out, continuing his attempt to wiggle out from Steve’s grasp, his ribs began to ache from laughing so hard, tears threatening to spill out. Steve wasn’t that far off, his laugh pushing to hysterical, chests pressed tight against each other and faces red. 

“No!” Steve finally let out, seeing Bucky pretend to bite at his shoulder. Steve relented, unwrapping his hands around Bucky’s torso to let him free.

Bucky could only smile, rolling off trying to catch his breath, “I knew you would see it my way.”

“Only because you said you would bite. Your bites hurt like a bitch and I don’t want to explain to Tony why I have bite marks on my shoulder.”

A soft laugh spilled out of Bucky, laying on his back, his left arm lazily draped over Steve’s heaving chest while he stared at the random designs on the dark ceiling, “You could just tell him you deserved it for being an ass.”

Steve breathed out heavily staring up at the ceiling with Bucky. He moved his right arm free pressing his palm against the one Bucky had on his chest giving it a gentle pat, a dreamy grin on his face, “Maybe.”

Steve rolled over to his side towards Bucky’s direction, pulling him against his frame, “I’m not that bad, am I?”

Bucky went without argument, turning and pressing his back against Steve’s body with a small smile, “Yeah you are, Rogers. So horrible and terrible and you’re so mean.”

Steve chuckled helplessly behind him, dropping his forehead against the back of Bucky’s head, “You’re breaking my heart.”

“Good, you deserve it.” Bucky murmured out after a deep yawn, settling into his pillow.

Steve gave him a light squeeze, “You’re pushing it Barnes.”

Bucky made a soft pleasant sound against the back of his throat tugging the blanket tight to his chest, sleep sinking in, his words slurring out, “S’appy to see you Stupid. Sleep.”

Gentle breathing shifted to deep, Steve taking the time to just listen to Bucky before he let himself get comfortable enough to sleep knowing at the back of his mind that he wanted this moment, this one happy moment guilt free and not worrying about things because he knew before long reality was going to come back for them and nothing was ever just simple.

 

  


“So where’s your boyfriend?”

Clint watched Bucky’s face furrow into some mix of frowning and focus, fingers frozen over the bumper pads of the pinball machine not taking his eyes off the metal ball bouncing off the backboard while he hunched over the front of it. 

“Shut up, he’s not my boyfriend.”

Clint only smirked, leaning against the game in boredom, “Come on Bucky, I want to play the hoops one again.”

“Gimmie a second will ya?” He slapped one of the bumpers, his tongue peeking out in concentration.

“Oh, there’s Steve..”

“Yeah, I’m not falling for that.”

“..With Tony.”

“What?”

Bucky lost the metal ball, his eyes turned to the front doors where he saw Steve and Tony walking in hand in hand, glancing around.

Clint pushed Bucky over to the side to finish the last free ball available, “He brought Tony, wow. Did you know he was coming with Steve?”

A loud huff escaped the brunette, “Yeah, I knew he was going to bring his stupid boyfriend to the movies. You think I woulda come if I knew he was coming?”

The blond shrugged in response, watching the ball miss his bumpers entirely and end the game.

“Maybe we could slip out the back and they won’t see us.”

Clint snorted out, tugging Bucky lightly to keep him in place, “It won’t be that bad. Let’s play another round of hoops.”

Bucky nodded, the both of them making their way a few steps over to it. He swiped his game card over the machine, the buzzer going off and a timer counting down while they took shot after shot with the basketballs into their own nets. Clint nudged Bucky’s arm, taking another shot, Bucky missing his.

“Barton!”

Bucky shouldered Clint into his side, Clint trying his best to keep his footing tossing his basketball into the hoop again with a roar of excitement. Clint aimed for another, promptly getting his ball slapped out of his hands. Bucky took the chance to even out the score with two more baskets, the buzzer going off for the final. The blond ran over to retrieve his ball, Bucky doing a small dance beside the game.

“You’re a cheater and you didn’t even win. Quit your dancing.”

Bucky grinned, “Me? You started it and I still got a tie. Better than losing completely, that calls for dancing.”

“Hey you two!”

The pair looked over at Steve and Tony, Clint giving a smile and a casual wave. Bucky smiled almost automatically just at the sight of Steve, lightly toeing at a stray piece of popcorn on the ground. 

“Sorry it took so long, but Tony wanted to tag along and was finishing something. So what are we going to watch?”

Bucky turned away from them, reading the movie listing board overhead, “Well looks like there’s a rom-com, a horror and some sci-fi action movie. I’d pick the action one.”

Collectively they all nodded and murmured about the action movie, moving to pay for their tickets.

 

Clint chose seats a couple rows off from the back and shimmied into the row first, much to Bucky’s chagrin and dirty looks. He followed after him, Steve behind him while he tugged Tony along who was thumbing through his phone. Bucky rested the bucket of popcorn on Clint’s lap, tugging out the chocolate bars he had stuck into his jacket pocket. Resting them on his lap, he pulled his coat off releasing a soft sigh towards the large screen. He turned to his left when Clint softly tugged his t-shirt sleeve, chewing on some popcorn. Bucky raised a brow at him in question, Clint’s blue eyes glancing past him for a second before he looked back to Bucky, signing at him keeping his hand close to his chest so not to cause anyone to notice.

_“Quit looking like a sour puss. At least he’s here, right?”_

Bucky pouted, yeah he was definitely pouting and not hiding it which Clint could only smile at, helping himself to one of the chocolate bars. Bucky chewed at his lip, raising his hands just slightly above his lap, turning a little bit, 

_“I don’t know why he’s even here. He hasn’t taken his eyes off his phone since we got our tickets. Obviously whatever is on there is more important than the movie or his date. If he even thinks he’s surfing through that phone while the movie’s playing I swear to God I’m gonna shove it up his ass..”_

Clint burst out laughing, trying to cover his mouth. Steve smiled, looking over with a curious raise of his brows but Bucky only shook his head with a shrug like he had no idea what happened. He settled back into his seat when the lights began to dim down and to his relief Tony tucked his phone away just as the first trailer started. 

 

Bucky stared at the screen blankly, having a hell of a time trying to concentrate. His eyes repeatedly shifted over to look at Steve, the soft reflection of the movie rippling off his face his smile fixed on his lips. Bucky turned back to the movie, the resident bad guy shooting up a store and blowing up some cars in a parking lot. Bucky wasn’t entirely sure what the plan was, missing almost all of the dialogue between him and his henchmen at their hideout a couple of scenes prior. He turned to the soft nudge of Steve’s touch against his arm, fingers lightly grazing his skin and he couldn’t help but enjoy the soft shock that his touch gave.

Steve leaned in, breath warm against Bucky’s ear, “I heard about this part, the fight scene is supposed to be really good. I saw some behind the scenes thing of it on my phone a few days ago.”

Bucky managed to force out a nod, trying not to look like he enjoyed that a little too much looking over with a light smile, Steve grinning at him before he looked back at the screen. Bucky felt his face flushing red, glancing over at Clint sunk in his seat but completely engrossed into the movie, a half eaten chocolate bar gripped tightly in his fist while his mouth hung half open in excitement as the protagonist arrived spewing some words for the enemy. 

A kernel of popcorn hit Bucky in the cheek, turning his head to see Steve smirking at him. Bucky retaliated with a handful of his own popcorn, Steve managing to avoid most of it although it all went into Tony’s face instead. 

“The hell?!”

“Oh, sorry Tony.” Steve loudly whispered, brushing it off him. He turned back to Bucky, throwing a gummy bear back at him, only to watch the brunette eat it off his shirt. 

“Pig.” Steve hissed out, playfully shoving Bucky and who only pushed back teasingly. 

Tony glared the both of them, an ire reaching him, “Do you two mind? Watching a movie here.”

Truthfully he hadn’t been watching much of it, mostly staring at his watch since the premise was becoming boring and idiotic. Steve seemed to be enjoying it though so he wasn’t going to interrupt him except that he abruptly took an interest in suddenly getting Bucky’s attention which he found quite incredibly rude. 

“ _Steve_.” Tony purred out, gliding his hand along Steve’s arm and that quickly stopped what he was doing to turn to Tony with a curious brow.

Bucky knew exactly what the game was the second Tony said Steve’s name _that_ way, sulking to himself while he sank deeper in his seat distinctly hearing the faint familiar sounds of lips locking and making the smallest of noises. 

_Disgusting._

He released a huge rush of air from his lungs forcing out a sigh, tilting his head to look over at Clint, his best friend lost so deep into the movie there was no way he was going to even register the pouting Bucky was doing and he could only sit and stare at his hands on his lap stuck in between a rock and a hard place. 

 

When the movie was over, everyone had died. It was a mess and Clint was upset. He immediately went on a tirade ranting about the problems of the world considering someone thought this movie was okay to be released with that ending. In the lobby Tony was back on his phone again texting away and Steve began a list of different ways they could have ended it that would have been infinitely better. Bucky could only roll his eyes, checking his own phone. 

_**Queen Bee** : Heard your boyfriend brought his boyfriend, bummer._

Bucky glanced around to see if anyone was close enough to read over his shoulder moving against the wall just in case quickly realizing Natasha had changed her name on his phone again.

_**Bucky** : Not my boyfriend yes he brought HIS boyfriend. Said boyfriend started making out with him when we started goofing off during movie. _

He only looked up for a second when his phone blipped again.

_**QB** : Oh, look who’s jealous._

_**B** : Me? Or him?_

_**QB** : Both of you._

Bucky could only roll his eyes at the phone glancing up when Steve turned, clapping his hands together, “So what do you guys wanna do now? I’m kinda hungry.”

“Burgers, definitely.” Tony muttered out, his thumbs skimming across the tiny keys on his phone.

Clint shrugged, “I’m game, if they got pizza where ever we go, better.”

Bucky nodded, texting Nat one last goodbye, “Whatever works.” 

Tony raised his finger, “Hold that thought. I gotta take this call.” He moved off down the corridor by the bathrooms.

Clint glanced over to the games then immediately smiled over at Steve, “So Steve, how are you with car racing?”

Steve perked up, “Oh you’re on. Come on Bucky, play the winner.”

Bucky shrugged, allowing Steve to tug him along while he put his phone back into his pocket. The pair wiggled into the molded side by side car seats built into a booth for a racing game, Bucky leaned himself at the frame of the right side where Steve sat, poking his head inside to watch the screen. 

“Bucky, quit hovering over my head.”

“Fine, I’ll go on Clint’s side.”

“No, don’t come on my side and start blocking my view!”

“How am I supposed to watch then?” Bucky whined out, making a face.

“Here, you work the wheel, I got the pedals and shifts.” Steve announced, shooting his hand out with his eyes locked on the countdown, pulling Bucky down to sit on him.

Bucky uncoordinatedly fell into Steve’s lap, one leg hanging out of the game dome itself, “Oh my god Steve no!” His hands scrambled for the wheel when the buzzer went off, Clint hitting the gas at full speed off the starting line.

“C’mon Bucky!” Barton cackled out, the brunette giving him a glare steering his and Steve’s car on the heels of Clint’s.

Bucky sat himself up straighter, the thrill of competition kicking in and forgetting Steve’s right arm draping around his waist to hold him steady. He pushed his foot against Steve’s, “Give this bitch some gas Steve!”

Steve’s eyes widened, shifting gears, his fingers clutching at Bucky tightly, “Turn left Buck! Look out for that bend turn!”

“Shhhhoosh it Steve!” 

Bucky slapped at the hand resting on his stomach, hearing soft laughter behind him, “Turn Bucky, turn! Stop hitting that guard rail!”

A howl of laughter spilled out of Clint over the loud arcade style techno music blaring out of the speakers around them, himself trying to make a sharp turn while barely having a hold on his car, tears in his eyes. 

“Oh my god Clint stop ramming into my car, I swear you’re such a cheater! Steve do something!”

Steve was unceremoniously laughing too hard at the whole mess, weakly trying to shove Clint out of the booth itself, his other hand facepalming himself trying to peek out between fingers.

“Steve stop!” Clint bellowed out, trying to shove him back, belting Bucky in the arm in the process. 

Bucky glared at the screen, blindly swinging his left arm out to slap into Clint’s chest but try as they might, they weren’t ever able to catch up to Clint getting a respectable second place just behind his purple race car.

“Yes! I won, I won! You both make a horrible team.”

Bucky shrugged, grinning at Steve who could only watch Clint climb out of his seat and cheer for himself, his arms balled into fists whooping into the air with a playful jump.

“God, he’s an idiot.” Bucky muttered out, scrambling to get out of the booth and help Steve out. Clint rounded the corner moonwalking into them and Bucky only laughed harder, lightly shoving him. 

“So what’s going on guys.”

They all froze and turned to Tony standing with his arms folded and if Stark was trying to sound casual with his greeting, they could all tell it wasn’t at all, his tone clipped and sharp which they all realized was because he most likely caught the few minutes earlier.

Steve smiled, stepping forward, “So did you finish up your call?”

Tony gave Steve a curt smile, “Well yes I did. It was nice to see you all chumming it up with some car racing games. Steve I’m surprised at you though,” He lightly pressed a hand against Steve’s chest, brushing off something before moving his hand away, “I figured you would have preferred racing with my real cars instead that way you could all have your own car to drive in.”

Steve smiled sheepishly, “It was just a spur of the moment thing Tony, we were just playing one game, Bucky wanted to play too and- ”

Tony smiled, “No, it’s perfectly fine. Really.”

Clint glanced over at Bucky, shoving his hands into his pockets with raised brows and Bucky could only give him a disappointed look before stepping forward letting out a soft nervous laugh. While it didn’t seem like Tony was too cut up about it, he looked like he was bothered and that meant Steve would end up getting upset and Bucky couldn’t have that because of him, “Hey Tony, we were just killing time. I just sat on his lap and he was already racing so he couldn’t shove me off, no disrespect huh? I’m pushy, I don’t know better. It’s my mistake, I never have any boundaries.”

Bucky watched Steve give him a look from the corner of his eye, putting a hand out to grab his sleeve but he only stepped to the side to avoid the blond’s grab flashing Tony a smile.

Tony looked from him to Steve, furrowing and unfurrowing his brows and suddenly he smiled, giving Bucky’s shoulder a swat, “Barnes, we should all race on my track. I have real cars not these game ones you know, much more fun than the alternative. Plus, you get your own car and don’t have to rely on trying to avoid grabbing the wrong shift.”

“Tony..” Steve started but Bucky turned, giving him a smile, “It’s totally fine Steve, I was in the wrong. I’m sorry to both of you.”

The features on Steve’s face tightened, his mouth forming a soft frown but he said nothing looking towards Tony whom was retrieving his phone for a text message.

“We should probably go back to the tower Steve, looks like I’m on standby tonight. Later fellows.”

Steve nodded, following after Tony whom was already heading towards the door. He turned his body to flash a wave and a mildly disappointed look, “I’ll see you guys later.”

Clint waved back, Bucky watched those blue eyes knowing Steve’s stubbornness was going to kick in and get himself in trouble when they were out of earshot, “Don’t do anything stupid Rogers.”

Steve flashed him a grin knowing exactly what Bucky was going on about, “How can I? You’ve got all the stupid with you.”

Bucky smiled lightly in return watching him go out the glass doors.

“Wow, way to roll over Buck.”

Bucky groaned out loudly, turning around to face Clint with a hand pressed against his hip, “And what, pray tell, was I supposed to fucking do about it then huh? What? I’d rather Steve not get into a stupid fight over me and get sent to the dog house. Tony makes him happy, I did it for him I didn’t do it for anyone else. Seriously Clint, what else was I gonna say?”

Clint stared at him hard for a long minute, wild blue eyes wanting to rattle off this and that but he kept silent for the time being, processing things in his head while looking at Tony and Steve talking outside as they headed through the parking lot. Tony seemed normal, talking away while texting on his phone while Steve had his arms stubbornly folded over his chest but walking alongside. Clint exhaled a long breath meeting Bucky’s gaze, “Trying to make him happy only works for me, if it works for you too Bucky and you aren’t happy if Steve’s not with you.”

Bucky waved him off, “I’m fine Clint.”

“Right, sure. When are you going to admit you have real genuine feelings for him and not just some stupid kid crush?”

Bucky scoffed, walking down the long black area carpet towards the exit doors, pushing one open forcefully. Clint slightly cringed at the sound of the door frame hitting the wall watching him through the glass, frowning to himself. He walked out after him, finding him leaning against the wall exterior, “C’mon okay, I’m sorry alright?”

Bucky looked over and could only shrug at him. Clint huffed out, grabbing a handful of Bucky’s jacket sleeve, pulling him to his chest. “You’re a love sick sap Barnesy.”

Bucky draped an arm around Clint’s shoulders, “Says who?”

“Says everyone who has a pair of eyes, besides you know he’s going to start shit anyway. You saw the way his face was all going while you were saying sorry. He’s totally going to tell him off for being an asshole to you.”

A sigh escaped Bucky, “I know. I told him not to but he’s a stubborn idiot.”

Clint nodded in agreement, leading them towards where they parked, “You’re both perfect for each other.”

 

Bucky let himself in, catching Steve spread a white paint stained sheet across the floor. Two easels waiting to the side. He held up a large paper bag, a receipt slip stapled to it, “I got lunch.”

Steve glanced up with a smile, clapping his hands together as he turned to push the couch a bit farther away which was pushed to the side to make room for everything, “Awesome. We can eat then start if you still want to.”

Bucky didn’t look up, placing the large paper bag on the counter. He pointed at the kitchen chair before shuffling to the cabinets for a pair of plates, “Sit.”

Steve didn’t say a word sitting down as he was told to leaning against the chair with crossed arms and his grey shirt pulled tight across his biceps. Bucky was focused on the food, setting the plates down and a handful of forks. He pulled out six take out containers and a bag of egg rolls with a smaller bag of fortune cookies.

“Yeah so I got- ” He looked up, freezing mid sentence and yeah. _Yeah _. He forgot momentarily about missing those big fucking guns.__

__Steve stared back at him, soft blue eyes widening slightly, “What?”_ _

__Bucky quickly shook his head, looking back at the food, “Nothing. Food. Here..eat the food.” He secretly congratulated himself for being the biggest idiot in the world, fishing out two pairs of chopsticks and slapping one pair on the table towards Steve._ _

__

__Bucky stared at the canvas for a long while and realized it had been a while since he painted. Really painted. He felt rusty and maybe a little mad at himself for it._ _

__“May I?”_ _

__Bucky looked over at Steve, then nodded while he leaned back to let him do as he liked. Scooting his chair closer, Steve reached across to rest his hand over Bucky’s, leading his hand over to the canvas. He showed him smooth broad strokes the brush could do that made it easier for what he did, his hand careful and light but it still didn’t stop Bucky from feeling his insides flutter about._ _

__“I feel like we’re back in high school when you were showing me how to do this.”_ _

__Bucky chewed on his lip, glancing at the smile spreading out across his face admiring the way he lit up at the memory while he eyes focused on Bucky’s hand as he continued to direct it across with thick broad strokes._ _

__“I enjoyed showing you this. It was nice, you were open to anything and learning so damn quick. I know it’s stupid but I kinda felt proud.”_ _

__“Really?”_ _

__Bucky only watched Steve’s absent smile grow wider, his blue eyes sparkling with a nod. “Yeah, no one asked me before. I felt so humbled and you were amazing. Maybe a little rusty right now but it’s like riding a bike, you just need to get familiar and it’ll all come back to you. Now sculpting; that’s all you.”_ _

__Steve removed his hand off Bucky’s, turning back to his own artwork and immediately Bucky missed the warmth. He chuckled nervously, “You were really good at it Steve, I’m surprised you didn’t take it up. Your hands are a gift.”_ _

__Bucky internally cringed to himself but Steve only beamed, a blush rushing to his cheeks, “I love my hands if I have to be honest with you, it’s one of the only tools I ever really need.”_ _

__Nodding to Steve’s words, Bucky continued with his painting trying to hide the shy quiet smile on his face as he attempted to press down the excited feeling in his stomach._ _

__

__Bucky sat staring at Steve doing nothing but repeating himself, a light hand prodding the blond on his arm, “Hey, you okay?”_ _

__Steve paused, glancing over with a tired smile, “Yeah, I just can’t seem to get into the swing of things, you know?”_ _

__Bucky nodded to his friend, exhaling slowly lost in an idea. He pushed his chair back, moving his own stand to the side. He took the canvas Steve had been painting on to put it against the wall. “I think you prefer something to get done first.”_ _

__Steve watched him in silence, Bucky moved to the painting sitting on the easel prior. He came back and put the portrait Steve had been working on of his mother, Bucky giving him a thin smile behind the painting. “You should probably finish this before you start something new. It’s holding you back because I know you want to finish it even though sometimes it upsets you.”_ _

__A wave of emotion crossed Steve’s face before he settled on a stoic look, a small nod was the only response Bucky received before Steve turned to the small table beside him to change brushes, adding new paint colors to his palette. He hesitated to glance back at Bucky and Bucky only gave him a smile, gripping his shoulder firmly._ _

__“You’re okay. I’m here for as long as you want me around Steve.”_ _

__Steve gave him a soft nod, enjoying the touch of Bucky’s hand moving down his arm as the male sat down on the bed sheet covered floor beside Steve’s feet, his thigh purposefully pressed against the side of Steve’s leg to keep the promise of his presence. He only broke it for a moment to reach for a book that sat in his backpack, opening the worn paperback to a page a few chapters in, a bus ticket holding Bucky’s place for him. Steve watched him for a second in sheer curious silence, his lips twitching in a small smile when he saw what he was using as a bookmark, it was a minor thing, a stupid thought but he found it endearing and Steve could only think that _of course_ Bucky would use an expired piece of paper to mark his page in a book. He watched him read for a minute, staring at the top of brown chocolate hair focused on pages of a story he didn’t ask about, Bucky’s leg occasionally shifting against his._ _

__“Will you quit reading over my head and paint, Rogers?”_ _

__Steve lightly laughed, his left hand reaching out on instinct brushing gentle fingers through Bucky’s hair and he felt Bucky still momentarily before he relaxed again, not looking up. Instead, he only pressed the side of his head against Steve’s thigh and carried on reading and that pull inside of Steve made a tight knot in his chest, his fingers taking a few seconds to stroke Bucky’s hair again before he actually began to paint, their silence never uncomfortable and Steve basked in it._ _

__

__Time escaped the pair of them, Bucky barely stirring and his head a little heavier but resting still against his thigh. Steve barely registered that two hours had gotten away from them and he was mildly surprised but he stared back at gentle and soft blue eyes staring back at him over her shoulder and he could only smile back. He was finally finished and he was glad Bucky had pushed him to do it. It was cathartic and the tension he had been carrying away felt like it had lifted from him, at least for now._ _

__Steve stared down at his hands, dried bits of paint staining his skin. He had put everything aside, waiting for Bucky to lift his head until he realized the book he held had toppled from his hands and into his lap a long while ago, the soft sound of his sleep laced breathing replacing it. He leaned forward barely able to see Bucky’s eyes closed, his head comfortably pressed against his thigh and tilted slightly forward. Steve softly brushed hair off his forehead just because he could, moving to gently shake Bucky’s shoulder._ _

__“Hey Buck, wake up. I’m finished.”_ _

__Almost as quickly as he fell asleep, the brunette awoke, head turning to look up over and up at Steve looking at him, sleepy eyes blinking away the remnants of his nap while he straightened up again. He let out a yawn, blinking a few times again, “How long did I sleep for?”_ _

__Steve took the chance to get up, moving to the kitchen to wash his hands. “I have no idea Buck, I guess I’m a comfortable pillow. I just noticed you were sleeping when I finished.”_ _

__Bucky yawned again, glancing at the book. He moved back a few pages before he saved the ticket in his place and put it back in his backpack, “I must have fallen asleep pretty soon after you started, I wasn’t that far in from where I saved it. M’sorry.”_ _

__Toweling off his hands, Steve grinned as he sat back down in his chair, “No, don’t apologize. You stayed with me, sleeping or not, you were there. I finished it too.”_ _

__Bucky wasn’t sure why he hadn’t look in that direction yet, glancing up at Steve again for a second before looking at the painting. He could only smile for the first few minutes, lightly patting Steve’s knee, “You did good Steve. Like I said before, she’s beautiful. I’m proud of you for pushing through and getting it finished.”_ _

__Steve beamed, feeling quite proud of himself. He rested a hand on Bucky’s for a split moment and gave him an appreciative look before he began cleaning up. “Thank you for being there Buck, I know you don’t have to. We didn’t even get time to paint together.”_ _

__Bucky pulled himself to his feet, helping with the tidying up, “Are you planning on skipping town any time soon because if not, we got all the time in the world. We don’t need to do it right this minute and quit thanking me, it’s all you, Rogers. S’always been you.”_ _

__Steve looked up abruptly, his face pinched at the last words Bucky let out watching him walk with a pair of jars holding murky water. Bucky was humming to himself, cleaning the containers out lost in himself. Steve felt the red reach his cheeks, smiling to himself as he cleaned up the paints. He took the statement out of context but he didn’t care, he was enjoying his moment of victory however he wanted, the smile refusing to slip off his face._ _

__Bucky finished washing everything in the sink while Steve moved all the sheets and moved the furniture back into place. He sat down on the couch, Bucky moving over to his backpack by the doorway retrieving a package.__

“Here.” He said simply, shoving a brown paper bag wrapped package into Steve’s hands. The box was a decent size but thin. Bucky moved back towards the fridge for a beer. 

__Steve looked at the gift, then back at Bucky, “What is it?”_ _

__Bucky didn’t look over, “Well, open it you idiot." He twisted the top off the bottle, taking a long drink._ _

__Curious, Steve tore open the wrapper, finding a white box underneath. He glanced up again, noticing Bucky had hopped up on the counter in the back corner looking pensive, positioning himself the farthest away from Steve, an unreadable expression on his face. Steve moved to sit on the arm of the couch, peering around the rectangular shaped box. It had been taped all the way around so the top wouldn’t come off. He carefully peeled away at it, his tongue peeking out in concentration not wanting to ruin all the effort even though he was pretty sure Bucky didn’t care. He pulled off the top to reveal a supple and soft medium brown leather messenger bag inside. His fingers immediately graced the surface carefully feeling the softness against his fingertips in silent awe. One main compartment sat with two small ones at the front affixed with dark brown leather buckle straps and a golden colored zipper to close the main area. A small golden colored plate at the top over the flap was pressed into the spot with his initials etched over it._ _

__Steve looked up in confusion, then back at the bag. Bucky had still been avoiding looking up, staring at the floor like it was the best thing in the world. Carefully Steve removed the bag out, setting the box aside. He ran one hand over the detail and workmanship, his fingers tracing over the deep grooves with stitching knowing these weren’t cheap bags. His ear picked up a noise within, lifting the cover to look in to find a second gift wrapped in brown paper wrapping, a red bow wrapped around it. Steve promptly opened it and found a new set of expensive pencils. Ones that he had been looking at when they were at the mall. Steve was in complete shock, his mind freezing in lack of understanding as to what exactly was happening before him._ _

__“Oh no Buck, you didn’t.”_ _

__Bucky glanced up like he had no idea what he had just done, “What?"_ _

__Steve sighed, peering over the gifts his fingers still running over the bag in awe, “These are really expensive gifts. You really shouldn’t buy me anything.”_ _

__Bucky didn’t answer, quietly sipping his beer, his eyes returning to the floor. Steve could only huff out in annoyance, touched beyond anything he could imagine. He hurriedly put the gifts aside, striding over to Bucky pushing himself between his legs to hug him chest to chest, squeezing him tightly, “You stupid Jerk. You’re too much, I hate you.”_ _

__Bucky felt the air squeeze out of him, his bottle quickly going back on the counter at his side before it accidentally landed on the floor, his arms sliding around Steve’s ribs. He pressed his cheek on Steve’s shoulder, facing his head away with a dopey smile, “Why do you hate me?”_ _

__“Because..you’re an Asshole who buys me gifts that I don’t deserve and I can’t even pay ya back..” He muttered out in annoyance, his fingers gripping the back of Bucky’s t-shirt, his nose buried against his shoulder._ _

__A soft satisfied hum escaped Bucky, “Don’t expect you to pay me back Rogers.”_ _

__An annoyed groan emerged from Steve, “Now I hate you a lot more.”_ _

__Bucky chuckled out softly, “Well I’m sorry your life just became complicated with gifts from me.”_ _

__“Why though Buck?"_ _

__A slight shrug was all Bucky could give, a quiet pause sitting between them before he rolled around a sentence in his mind, “For being a friend."_ _

__Quietly Bucky counted the seconds in his head, soaking in the warmth and feel of Steve’s body against his, his legs instinctively wanting to wrap around Steve’s thighs but forcing himself not to._ _

__Time had lapsed where Bucky was finally wondering why Steve hadn’t pulled back yet, face buried against his shoulder his body frozen in place, “Steve?”_ _

__“I don’t want to move.” It was instant and Bucky smiled feeling Steve hug him harder._ _

__“Yeah, okay.” Bucky muttered out back against him, the mood shifted though he couldn’t tell in what direction. He moved one of his legs timidly, gauging Steve’s reaction to hook around waist and with no response he secured himself around his friend listening to the small sigh slip out behind his head._ _

__“You’re alright Steve.”_ _

__“Bucky..” He started out but only pressed tighter, keeping himself there._ _

Bucky stroked his back gently, “You’re _okay_.” 

__Bucky let his eyes close, allowing Steve to stay as long as he wanted and a part of him had grown accustomed to the feel of his heartbeat against him. Even with the layers of fabric, thin or thick he felt it there beating away and it was soothing knowing Steve was near and so close._ _

__Time dragged comfortably until Steve phone began to ring, bringing the both of them apart. Bucky smiled lightly as Steve shyly ducked his head rummaging for the cell, “Oh hey it’s Tony.”_ _

__Bucky punched everything down inside of him, “Yeah you should get that.”_ _

__Steve raised his head to say something else but Bucky slipped off the counter landing soundlessly between the small space Steve left and the counter moving to drop himself down on the couch, remote already in hand flipping through channels._ _

__Steve looked off at him curiously, swiping the phone to answer, his eyes watched the television channels finally stop their rotation of shows and the volume go up, not too loud but enough to force Steve to take the call into the bedroom._ _

__

__Time always got away from Steve when he was talking to Tony and today happened to be no different. He scrambled to end the call and get out of his place before he ended up being the reason Nick raised his voice. He emerged from the hallway catching the volume back to normal level and Bucky standing behind the couch with a beer in hand watching whatever show was playing. He grabbed his coat, shuffling beside him, “I have to head to work. You’re okay here?”_ _

__Bucky nodded, “If you don’t mind me hanging around that is.”_ _

__Pulling on his peacoat, Steve smirked at him, “Of course not. Make yourself at home, not that you haven’t already with all of my beer.”_ _

__Bucky playfully nudged him, “I could go get drunk somewhere else, I’m sure I can ask Johnny where there’s a party if you like.”_ _

__It’s not at all the answer Steve wanted but he forced himself to stay neutral, “If that’s what you want to do Buck, though I’m really not against you being here. It’d be nice, it gets empty sometimes.”_ _

__Bucky shrugged, “If ya want me you got me. I’ll be here, have fun at work. Who knows I might drop in but then again I don’t wanna distract you guys.”_ _

__Steve grinned, turning to leave but stopped once the door was open, “Oh, I think we’re gonna be busy today as in no phones. Nick mentioned something yesterday, I’ll text you to keep you updated. That and, thank you again for the gift.”_ _

__Bucky nodded absently, moving around to flop down on the couch, raising his hand to wave past the back end of it, “Sure thing, I promise not to burn your place down.”_ _

__

__Nick Fury made Steve feel equally impressed and terrified at the same time. The man was brusque and to the point, he was intimidating and always dressed in black with a bald head and an eye patch over one scarred eye. Steve was pretty sure he was an agent of some James Bondesque agency and they were all working at the bar that was just some front for something nefarious. Steve was willing to yell out ‘Called it’ if he ever was proven correct._ _

__Right then though they were getting a lecture on keeping alert, that a few events were going on in town nearby and that they should expect an influx of customers tonight. That was code for keep your fucking phones off, no breaks, you eat when you can and it better be standing up and you get paid overtime in return for a full shift plus tips. They had their third bartender in and extra wait staff. They also had Steve’s friend Thor Odinson standing by dressed in black jeans and a tight black t-shirt, long blond hair left open and a big puppy dog smile across his face waiting for orders. Tall, blue eyed and all muscle, he was always the first in mind to be called as a security measure. They generally didn’t have any so there was no reason to have one on the payroll but Thor was always willing to lend a hand for free food and drinks. He had worked part time at the bar so Nick never batted an eye when Steve took initiative and contacted his friend before even being asked to._ _

__With the meeting over Nick went back to his back office to be on hand if needed for anything especially throwing some rowdy people out but mainly doing paperwork. Steve pulled out his phone, sending texts out to Sam, Tony and Bucky informing them of situation then promptly turned it off, slipping it back in his pants pocket. Natasha smiled up at him, tucking her own phone away._ _

__“Nervous?”_ _

__She shook her head, “I’ve worked in some busy places, this should be good. I always find the busy crowds fun, keeps you moving.”_ _

__Steve smiled widely, “I know exactly what you mean. It’s definitely fun.”_ _

__“By Gods, I hope I can be of use to you all tonight! If not, it will be my pleasure just to share my time with friends.” Thor boomed out, a grin breaking out over his handsome features._ _

__Steve couldn’t help but smile back. He knew Thor from high school, they played football together but the quirky thing Steve liked most about him is that he seemed to come out of some English play and talk like he had, he said it was because his family lived abroad before coming to the United States. Whatever it was, Steve loved it._ _

__Steve pointed from Natasha to Thor, “Have you two met?”_ _

__Natasha smiled up warmly at Thor, the blond smiling back with a arm resting around her shoulders, “Yes my friend. She is allied with my dear step-brother Loki. I see her once in a while like I see you when I am in town.”_ _

__Steve was ecstatic, “Great then! This is going to be a good night.”_ _

__

__They were all late in closing, Steve catching Natasha’s brows furrowing when she turned her phone on. She glanced up at Steve then back at the messages, “Turn your phone on.”_ _

__Confused, Steve retrieved his out, starting it up, “There a problem?”_ _

__“Not really, I think Bucky was trying to get a hold of you. He left a few messages a couple hours ago but that’s about it.”_ _

__Steve found a few messages left by Bucky on his own phone, the contact dying two hours ago as well, “He was saying he doesn’t feel good but said not to worry about it. I guess he was trying to see if we could call.”_ _

“If _you_ could call. Go home Steve, I’ll close it up with Pietro. Check up on him and let me know how he’s doing.” 

__Steve hesitated for a moment, looking from Natasha to Pietro, the silver haired male nodding with a smile._ _

__“Are you guys sure?”_ _

__Thor stepped over after locking the door to the front once the last straggler was shoo’ed out, “I shall linger here if it will make you feel better Steven. I can walk Natasha to her car if she so would have me, I’m aware of James Barnes, he is a good person. If he needs you for something you should go post haste.”_ _

__“Thanks, I owe you guys, Thor, again thanks for coming to help out. We’ll talk later! Nat, I’ll call you!”_ _

__“You better, Rogers.”_ _

__Steve nodded to her, Thor giving an excitable wave while Steve moved behind the bar to grab his jacket and then run out the doors._ _

__

Steve came home to a dark apartment with the television at a blue screen. He curiously looked down the hallway for a light in the bedroom, hitting the switch to illuminate the living room. One of the first things he saw was that the kitchen in a mild disarray, okay no the first thing he saw and gravitated towards were the two dozen cupcakes spread about on the kitchen table. Half a dozen still sat in their baking tray with pink frosting that had ridging to them from a piping bag that sat nearby topped with a single raspberry each. Another half dozen were sitting on a wire rack iced with white rounded swirls of icing that looked like clouds and mini oreo cookies on top and a peppering of cookie crumbles. The last dozen sat on two kitchen towels spread out on the wood frosted high in thick whipped chocolate. Steve pondered if he was in some kind of heaven, peering around to grab one of the chocolate ones silently asking Bucky to forgive him if this all happened to be for some sort of event.

His fingers delicately unwrapped the wax paper wrapping, turning to look at the kitchen, some dirty trays in the kitchen with a couple of mixing bowls and various ingredients spread around. Flour coated the counter but any other kitchen hazard Steve wanted to detect was lost and forgotten the moment he sank his teeth into the cupcake. 

“Oh god. Bucky, oh _god_..” 

He was utterly at a loss for words, mumbling stupidly with his mouth full of chocolate cake, icing and the surprise of a chocolate ganache filled center, his eyes comically wide and wanting to express that this was an utter orgasm in his mouth. Steve had to collapse against the wall and restrain himself from sampling the other two flavors and maybe finishing the rest of the chocolate ones then maybe the other ones because they would be lonely. 

Yep. 

Lonely. 

He was sticking with it.

He dusted his hands off realizing Natasha was probably worried and waiting impatiently for his call back. He knew Bucky’s shoes were by the doorway, he slipped his own off with his jacket, moving through the living room to get the television. He turned to find Bucky asleep on the couch curled up against his stomach at the edge of the cushions, one arm hanging off the couch, an empty beer bottle toppled over on the floor, his other arm tucked against his chest underneath him. 

Steve crouched in the small space between the couch and the coffee table, glancing over to find a full bottle of prescription medication sitting at the surface beside an empty take out container and a receipt from the diner with a thank you hand written and signed by Angie with a little heart. He reached for the bottle to read the label which was addressed for James Buchanan Barnes and the dosage for Diazepam. A soft trace of a frown crossed Steve’s face at the small sticker saying not to take with alcohol, his eyes glancing back to the bottle on the floor. Putting the bottle back, the blond fully turned to face the couch, “Bucky?" 

Steve knelt down properly onto his knees in front of Bucky, brushing his soft hair off his forehead and not receiving any reaction, finding him completely out cold. Steve continued stroking the light strands staring at him in uninterrupted slumber before sighing a little. He knew enough about the pills to know they were for anxiety so whatever had been bothering him he needed to stop with medication. Steve assumed he waited for as long as he could and busied himself before just giving in to taking it to settle down. He never saw him take them before, he never saw him sleeping this deep either. 

“I’m sorry I was so busy tonight."

Steve retrieved his phone from his pocket, calling Natasha, “Yeah he’s asleep. Looks like he took one of his pills and fell asleep on the couch. He looks alright.”

A sigh slipped from Natasha, “Well thanks Steve. As long as he’s sleeping.”

“By the way, did you know he bakes?”

There was a soft pause, “Baking or _baking_?”

Steve faintly smiled, “Cupcakes. He made two dozen cupcakes and I gotta tell you, I wasn’t expecting the urge to eat them all in one go.”

Natasha let out a soft gentle laugh, “Yeah, he gets like that. It’s a method of distraction. He’s fine then. Usually he’ll party or drink or other things but if he’s baking that’s good, it eases his anxiety and he’s amazing at it.”

“Natasha, _amazing_ is far from it. Does he put drugs in it?” 

“Ha ha very funny. Is it that hard to believe he can bake? He had a pastry chef from France working on the weekends for his family when he was younger, of course if you ask him he’ll say he’s rusty and horrible at it but as you can tell, he’s far from it. Ask him to make you profiteroles and you’ll beg him to marry you, Clint did and I considered it, as joke of course.”

Steve mused at the thought, “Maybe one day Romanoff. I should probably go to bed and let you get some sleep too. Goodnight.”

“Night.”

Steve moved down the hallway, changing out of his clothes and into a some sweats. Gathering up the blanket and a pillow, he returned to gently tuck it under Bucky’s head. The thought crossed his mind to carry Bucky back into the bedroom but thought better of it, unsure if it was a good idea or not when he awoke. Steve put the blanket over Bucky’s feet before climbing and nestling himself against the back of the couch, pulling Bucky tightly against him, guilt chewing away at the back of his mind feeling sorry for not being around when Bucky did need him and was looking for him. He reached out and pulled the blanket over them, settling in and making sure that at least he would be there for him when he woke up. The couch definitely wasn’t sufficient for them but he made due for the night.

Steve reached out in front of Bucky brushing his fingers along his cheek and gently into his hair, he was too quiet to the world and he looked so calm and peaceful. Steve lightly rested his hand against Bucky’s collarbone feeling the soft beat of his heart through his skin, chewing his lip in worry over what had bothered Bucky eventually falling asleep himself.

 

Bucky awoke early in the morning barely sensing it _was_ morning. His hand moved along to the feel of a blanket over him, the warmth of a body pressed close to his back and he couldn’t help feel a dopey smile come up on his face because _of course_ Steve wouldn’t leave him alone like that. He had probably put two and two together since he left his bottle of pills stupidly on the table before he passed out. It felt good and he felt protected around Steve even if he wasn’t the one he was supposed to end up with and that was something that got to him. That and sometimes Bucky felt like he didn’t deserve even their friendship because he really shouldn’t expect more and he couldn’t. 

Sometimes it was painful being around Steve but it was torture being away from him.

Behind Bucky he heard Steve inhale deeply, loose but protective arms tightening around him and even with his reservations Bucky had to smile a little more, “Morning.”

Steve sleepily murmured a good morning in return, burying his face back into Bucky’s hair. He didn’t seem to be interested in any ideas on getting up and Bucky didn’t want to make him. 

Bucky felt his cheeks heat up a little though, snuggling against Steve, feeling his thumbs draw soft lazy circles into his skin soothing Bucky back into the realm of slumber. 

“M’sorry Buck.” Steve’s voice was drunk with sleep, floating along as he breathed into his hair only making Bucky’s skin prickle up.

“It’s okay, I don’t blame you. You said you might be busy and you did text me.”

“I asked you to tell me when you needed help and you did and I wasn’t there.” He sighed out loudly, clear frustration in his voice.

Bucky exhaled just as deeply, getting Steve to loosen up his arms a little turning his body to lay on his opposite side and stare at him face to face. “You know, when I said I would wait for you I never realized your apartment gets that lonely. I seriously thought you were kind of exaggerating, but I was okay. It was different but I managed. I went to the diner too and killed some time, all good. Don’t get too choked up about it Steve, please?”

Steve looked at him, the fondness not leaving his face especially when he took a generous step by moving his hand into Bucky’s hair, stroking it almost in a cumbersome drunk fashion but it still felt good, “I won’t if you let me sleep in because as much as this couch sucks, I’m in a really good position to fall back asleep again.” 

“Sleep? You’re not hungry yet?"

Continuing to stroke Bucky’s hair, Steve closed his eyes, peaceful and content. “I might have some eggs left and maybe some turkey bacon in the freezer behind a bunch of steaks I was hiding from you if you want to go eat.”

“Hiding turkey bacon from me? I wouldn’t have eaten something so gross and I’m good right now.”

A lazy smile broke out, “I know, I was hiding it so you wouldn’t have a fit. I was trying to be healthy before you came back in my life."

“I ruined a lot of things when I came back into your life."

Steve knew it’s supposed to be a joke but all he caught was the small note of sourness in Bucky’s voice. He chose not to point it out and ruin a perfectly good moment, his palm gently cupping the back of Bucky’s head instead, fingers stroking hair again.

“Hm, by the way, I ate one of your cupcakes and you’ve been holding out on me.”

Buck felt his cheeks warm, “I had to do something. Sorry about the mess.”

Steve’s curled Bucky’s short hairs against his fingers, humming in happiness, a helpless smile across his sleep laden face, “I’ll clean up all your messes for more of those cupcakes."

Tucking his arms into his chest effectively allowing Steve to cage him in, Bucky could only watch him with a curious smile observing him yawning out, his cheek tenderly nuzzling the pillow against his face. Reflexively Bucky yawned himself, pulling the blanket tighter over them letting his eyes close again enjoying fingers in his hair.

“You’re a complete sap Rogers and it must be the end of the world if you’re deciding to sleep in.” Bucky softly muttered out, settling in.

Steve could only grunt in response, securing his hold around Bucky so he wasn’t falling off the couch, going back to sleep.

 

“What are we gonna do today?”

Steve was already laid out on the couch in his sweats, and a red hoodie with the hood over his head while he was reading. Bucky pressed a bit of weight against his shoulders, staring down at him. Steve focused on his mouth, his face upside down from the angle but it was still a good angle.

“Aren’t we doing it? I didn’t think we had to plan anything. It’s a Saturday.”

“Will you take me out?”

“Where?” He felt like his head was swimming seeing Bucky hovering above him, his head upside down to him but still adorable and cute.

He shrugged softly, “I don’t know. Somewhere. Anywhere. I want to ride on your bike, just go where ever.”

Bucky laughed softly, letting off Steve to move to the back of the couch and lean against it, “I just want to go for a long ride.”

Steve finally sat up and let his book close, resting his arm on the back of the couch, “I thought you were scared of my bike, you hardly say anything when you get on.”

“Shh, I know. Let me have this.”

A smile crept over the Steve’s lips and he suddenly nodded, “Yeah sure, let’s go.”

The pleased look on Bucky’s face made Steve warm all over, “Yeah?”

Steve pulled himself to his feet, heading to the bedroom to change, “Yeah, Bucky. Of course.”

Giddiness filled him, watching after Steve before he pulled an extra change of clothes from his backpack. It wasn’t that he was exactly afraid of Steve’s bike, he just wasn’t too used to it. Getting up in the morning suddenly made him feel like he wanted to go on some random ride on the open road and hold on tight. It was ideas like that that got Bucky up and adamant that he had to do it. He prepared for Steve to be a struggle to convince but him relenting so easily was a good change and it only made him feel more excited. “Steve, do you need the bathroom?”

“Go ahead.”

Steve changed into some blue jeans and a simple forest green v-neck shirt. He looped his red belt around his waist and traded in his peacoat for his leather jacket. 

He walked back out, pulling his shoes on then waited against the door, fiddling with his phone.

“Okay, I’m ready to go.”

Steve raised his head up from his cell and he couldn’t talk. This wasn’t the first time he’d seen Bucky dressed in snug but not skinny dark blue jeans and his white v-neck t-shirt. He’d had his black leather jacket on already, his arms just swaying at his sides with a casual happy smile. No, it isn’t the first time he’d worn that outfit but it’s the first time Steve noticed the way he walked caused the shirt to hug his lanky body just enough to show his chest off and the way his stomach wasn’t all soft, but that it actually had trace lines of defined abs. He had seen Bucky numerous times shirtless but he barely looked or even tried to look, he never thought too much about it but now it was different and he wasn’t sure if that was good or bad. He swallowed hard, snapping his eyes back up at Bucky’s face and turning his focus on his hand brushed hair before he was caught looking but Bucky was already pulling his shoes on. 

He has to admit though, Bucky was looking really good. Steve's breathing stopped when he stood back up before him, face to face just like they had the last time he had thought Bucky had kissed his forehead. Their height difference was barely noticeable with Steve just slightly holding his height at a couple inches and suddenly it just came out, “Will you let me draw you?”

Steve froze assuming Bucky was about to look at him like he was weird or creepy but instead he just smiled again and he knew he should have seen it coming, that it was a silly worry considering he’s already drawn him a few times but he couldn’t help it anyway. 

“..I mean, I know it’s kind of awkward to sit around and do nothing while someone is drawing you but..”

That smile on Bucky’s lips only broadened and he lightly punched him in the chest, “Like you have to ask me. I’ll sit still for you, you just have to tell me when, Rogers. I’m all yours.”

And if _that_ didn’t do anything for Steve.

He exhaled under his breath, tilting his head towards the door giving Bucky a soft nudge, “Let’s get out of here.”

 

They both entered the garage, Bucky held the second helmet by the strap after securing his backpack onto his back watching Steve climb on swinging his leg over his bike after adjusting his brand new satchel against his hip, “Come on.”

Bucky flashed him a grin, sliding on behind Steve, pulling his helmet on as he felt the soft purr of the engine underneath him. His stomach fluttered as he pressed close to Steve as he usually did, the feeling of his broad muscular back against his chest caused the blush to rush through his body especially with his thighs cradling Steve’s hips.

Steve sat and waited as he always did for the feel of Bucky to bring his arms up and wrap them snug and tight around Steve’s deceptively narrow waist, his hands clasped together pressed low against Steve’s taut stomach. Bucky let his eyes close as he innocently pretended to adjust his arms just so he could roam the heel of his hand against muscles if only for a split moment.

Steve tried his hardest not to lean in more than he had to into Bucky, a small spark of excitement exploding inside of him when Bucky moved his hands against his stomach and it’s normal he should be used to it but it felt so substantial now and he would take Bucky on a million more rides only to have that touch every time. He waited patiently a few seconds before slipping on his own helmet and taking off and out of the underground parking lot and onto the streets.

The longer they rode out, the more Bucky felt like he was in a movie, free from everything and secure just where he was. It felt almost therapeutic the way everything looked with this view and he almost threw off his helmet just to let the wind rush through his hair. It didn’t help at all that it was compounded by Steve being with him and he knew he felt everything more when Steve was there by his side, it was so inevitable that he just had to try to ride that ridiculous wave of feeling and just let it take him wherever it wanted. He hated when Nat was right and she was always right. Steve always made him feel better and maybe this wouldn’t last forever but at least he was going to enjoy it while he could. 

They were also lucky they still have the days where when the sun was out it was warm and mildly muggy but as soon as it was gone it was freezing and cold. They have so much of the day left and it only meant they have so much time out in the world together. 

Bucky shoved aside the cynical side coming out loud and clear that he wasn’t in some rom-com and that he shouldn’t be losing his head, he squeezed Steve gently watching one hand slip off the handle at a red light to gently pat Bucky’s thigh affectionately before returning and riding off again when it was green. If only Bucky could freeze time and stay like this, he would have.

Steve would have been lying to himself if he wasn’t feeling remotely comforted by the feeling of Bucky pressed against him; that Bucky was even there and that he was safe with him. He was definitely understanding the quirkiness behind Bucky’s relationship with his friends like a protective barrier they attempted to keep over Bucky while he lived his life. The way Natasha doted on him with unabashed motherly pride and how Clint physically made the space but his gaze never lingered away for too long like he always had Bucky’s six. Steve hadn’t even met Brock yet and the man was very clear with his body language on how he positioned himself relating to Bucky. Whatever they were to each other, Brock was the one you were answering to, Steve didn’t need to meet him to know that. 

Steve just had no idea why and he was sure he wouldn’t be privy to why for a long long time if he was even lucky to. Whatever it was, Steve was feeling some of the understanding behind it, his own protective nature dwelling in the shadows.

He reached his hand down, fingers brushing down the back of Bucky’s clasped hand and he felt an immediate wave of calm reach him, Bucky’s own fingers feeling out his. It was short, his hand returning back before him but it was enough, his eyes fixed on the road ahead of them, the sun shining bright up in the sky and he was happy.

 

The ride wasn’t too long, give or take half an hour or so but the area was more of a beachside village than a city, small tiny shops lining the road side and various sized older buildings dotted around. Bucky felt like he entered another era, everything seemed charming and full of some sort of heritage history. They rode down a tree line street at one side, passing a park with duck filled pond and people walking at a snails pace like they had no where they really had to go. It was nice, it was really different from all the hustle and bustle of city life Bucky was so used to seeing on a daily basis. Everyone had somewhere to go, something to do in the city; here it was calm the air filled with, aside from the engine, the sound of children playing somewhere, birds chirping and a gentle breeze pushing around porch hung wind chimes. It was amazing.

Steve went on a bit down the road where they started seeing the view point for the Hudson River, more boutiques and shops lined across the street from it, a perfect background to anything you wanted to do. He made a wide left turn, immediately parking before the buildings in an angle against a gravel ground. Bucky watched him remove his helmet and he did the same, inhaling the clean fresh air and the tease of meat grilling somewhere. He wasn’t quick enough to somehow stop his stomach from growling loudly, pressing a hand over it. Steve chuckled in front of him, glancing over his shoulder, “Hungry?”

Bucky climbed off the bike, lightly shoving at Steve’s arm, “The real question is when am I not?”

“Lucky we’re here then.” Steve hung his helmet onto one of the handles, resting Bucky’s on the seat. The building had a two story split business, stairs leading down to some live music dive bar and upstairs had a small two table patio that led into a small restaurant.

Inside there were about fifteen or so older wooden tables made for three or four people per, the decor filled with nostalgic beach knicknacks and random beach art that didn’t really have a theme but it worked. Soft oldies tracks played in the background, a young brown haired girl greeted them as their waitress accompanied with a sweet smile, “Sit wherever you like and I’ll bring you some waters!”

“Thanks.” The both of them let out, Steve gesturing for Bucky to choose not particularly finicky about where to sit. 

Bucky wandered to the back corner and they both seated themselves with menus already waiting; before Bucky could open it though, Steve rested a hand on the thick plastic covered booklet with a smile, “Order a double cheddar burger.”

Bewildered, Bucky could only look at him in confused before he just slowly nodded, watching the girl walk back with two waters and a note pad, “Did you both figure out food or maybe any other drinks?”

“Can I get a coke and a double cheddar burger.”

“Sure can Sweetie, would you like salad, fries or mixed steamed veggies on the side?”

“I’ll get fries please and thank you.”

Steve smiled at Bucky, then glanced over at the waitress, “I’ll get the same burger with mixed vegetables please, oh and a lemonade.”

The girl grinned wide as she wrote down the order, looking up to give them a wink, “Of course, I’ll be back in a sec!”

Bucky nudged Steve’s foot across the table, “A lemonade? You’re so all American.”

Steve snorted out softly, lightly nudging Bucky’s foot back in return, “So what if I like apple pie, hamburgers and lemonade?”

“Blond hair and blue eyes, built like a truck. You could be a poster boy for the United States. Picture it, a foot propped up, hands on your hips staring off into the distance with an eagle soaring high.” He teasingly poked at his shoe again.

Steve smirked right back, catching Bucky’s foot between his ankles, “Wow Barnes, really. Maybe it could work, I wasn’t always like this though, I was small when I was younger. I only started going to our high school when I was fifteen.”

“I know.” Bucky let out before he could stop himself, laughing out in deflection and completely ignoring the fact that Steve had not let his foot go, “I mean well. Brock played football with you. So I sometimes went to see his games.”

By sometimes Bucky meant always whenever he could when other duties weren’t pending and by games he also meant practices. 

Steve squinted trying to think back, “Brock was on the football team? Really? I swear I would have..Oh My God. Rumlow! Of course! Now I remember! I can’t believe I forgot, he didn’t want people calling him Brock, he went by Rumlow!” Steve slapped a hand over his face with a laugh, “Right. He looked so different from now, he trimmed down, I mean he was all bulky muscles and bad attitude then but he was also a defensive tackle and he was _mean_ on the field. I can’t believe I forgot about that. Well he never really wanted to hang out with the team after anyway and he was always business like he was only out to do what he liked and then he couldn’t be bothered with his teammates.”

Bucky smiled, “That’s because he really couldn’t have cared less if you all died in a bus accident.” He raised a finger to stop Steve from protesting, “His words, not mine.”

Bucky realized Steve wasn’t going to let go of his foot, tucking his other against the other side of Steve’s ankle casually. Shaking his head Steve could only shrug helplessly, “He graduated after that, right? He was a good player though, I can’t take that from him.”

A nod only came from Bucky, his fingers brushing through his hair both of them glancing up when their waitress returned with a blushing smile setting two drinks down, her eyes skirted under the table then back, “It should only be a couple more minutes for your orders and I’m sorry but you two are utterly adorable!” 

She ran off with a trail of soft giggles to help another customer, Steve’s mouth partially hung open to correct her but not having a chance to, his eyes glancing warily at Bucky and Bucky could only shrug, putting his straw into his coke. He took a small drink, casually pointing to their feet, “She thinks we’re playing footsies. I’m pretty sure she doesn’t know you were stopping me from kicking you some more.”

Immediately Steve let go of Bucky’s foot, smiling apologetically, “Sorry.”

“Don’t be, like I give a crap.” He gave Steve a wink, both smiling back to each other as they waited in comfortable patience for their food.

When their food finally arrived, Steve had seemed to be fixated on correcting the girl but Bucky laid in wait til she had the plates put down before he reached over and playfully pinched Steve’s cheek with a grin, “Isn’t he so adorable?”

Steve’s determined face crumbled in disbelief, looking with wide eyes absolutely forgetting what he wanted to say. Their waitress’ eyes widened with glee, clapping her hands together, “He is, oh my God why are all the cute guys taken with other cute guys?! Enjoy your lunch!”

Steve watched her go, his mouth slightly slack as he slowly turned to look back at Bucky who only burst out laughing and soon enough Steve joined in with a shake of his head, “You knew I was going to tell her.”

Bucky shrugged at him, eating a couple of fries, “You’re fun to throw off. ‘Sides, I don’t think it really matters.”

“I guess not.” Steve’s smile was warm, watching Bucky eat happily. He stole a few fries for himself waiting for Bucky to fight back but he only pushed his plate out more and it was wholly innocent but Bucky sharing food was most likely some special event where it was proof he liked you. It made Steve get that warm fuzzy feeling in his chest again.

Bucky finally picked up his burger, taking a bite with a smile and Steve almost choked when the sound of a low murmured moan escaped him, his eyes immediately closing as he chewed. “Oh my god, fuck me."

Steve all but sucked down his drink like his life depended on it to stop himself from saying or doing anything even remotely sexual in response, his face flushing red though Bucky was too focused on his burger to notice. 

Steve watched him take another appreciative bite, a fond pleased look across his face, complete bliss written all over it. It made Steve feel _happy_ and it just felt really nice that he brought him out here. 

“I’m so glad we stopped here, these burgers are amazing. Fuck.”

A soft chuckle escaped Steve, eating a few more of Bucky’s fries, his vegetables mostly gone earlier by him and random bits stolen from Bucky. “You probably guessed, this isn’t the first time I’ve been here but it’s been a long while. Thought we could come check it out since we were around.”

Bucky lightly patted the hand Steve had on the table, reaching for his drink after, “So glad you decided to come back. It’s great here and these burgers. My mouth is in love.”

 

They both sat back in their seats satisfied and full their waitress, Tiffany they finally learned, asked if they wanted dessert citing five different pies and almost the same amount of cakes available to choose from. Steve had other ideas though, shaking his head with a genial smile, “I want to take him out for some ice cream.”

Tiffany only grinned wider, tearing the bill from her pad, turning to Bucky with her pen pointed in his direction, “He’s so a keeper. You guys have a good day!”

Bucky smugly glanced over at Steve from across the table, “She said you’re a keeper, she better be right Rogers. I don’t put out for just anyone.”

Steve ducked his head with a grin, the blush of red flushing against his face and ears, “Oh shut up.”

Opening his wallet, Steve tossed a couple of twenty dollar bills on the piece of paper on the table and Bucky didn’t question the almost hundred percent tip, too busy fawning over how flustered Steve looked prior to it, getting himself out of his chair to pull his jacket back on.

Steve did the same almost reaching out and grabbing Bucky’s hand. 

_Almost_.

He usually went out for ice cream with Tony, or coffee and Tony would either grab a hold of his hand or he was grabbing his. It was a simple natural instinct. Hell, he’d done it to Sam a few times and his friend had always humored him over it. He was silently glad he had stopped before he did it this time and made a huge fool out of himself. 

Except that Bucky had moved his arm out and playfully tugged on Steve’s leather jacket sleeve as he began walking ahead of him to get out of the restaurant and towards the ice cream shop a few doors down. Steve didn’t stop Bucky’s fingers from sliding down his sleeve and against his palm, his own fingers curling so that the balls of his fingers met with Bucky’s and stayed together. He certainly didn’t stop the fact that when they paused to get the door pulled open, Bucky tangled his fingers with Steve’s and Steve held his grip firm. 

It was short lived anyway, Bucky dropping it as soon as they walked inside the parlor pressing his palms against the bubble gum pink linoleum counter top greeting the cashier with a grin.

Two large scoops of brownie chunk ice cream were added to a long and narrow waffle cone, Steve handing it over to Bucky before waiting for his order of cookie dough after a strategic decision not to choose strawberry cheesecake. Bucky lectured him on not worrying about changing his taste preferences for him but not so hard, leaning lazily into his side to hug Steve’s arm appreciatively. Steve preferred that more, glancing over with his eyes watching Bucky’s trimmed nails dance along the surface of the display glass when he was choosing out a flavor with his lips pressed together and his nose just barely crinkling. He always did it with an order set in his head but holding out for something that may jump out that he may want more but as usual he only shook his head and tapped on the glass for the brownie chunk. Chocolate was always his first love.

Steve let out a smile and a thank you when the server passed his ice cream over with his change, looking down to shovel it back into his pocket. He turned glancing back up and watched Bucky staring out at the water and the distant horizon except Steve's eyes instantly transfixed themselves on watching Bucky’s tongue lick his ice cream slowly. It was enough to get him feeling hot under his shirt especially with Bucky leaning against the sign post so casually, one sneakered foot bent flat against the wood his other pressed against the walkway his behind and upper back balancing out his weight as he arched a little. Bucky turned back to his cone to chase the couple of areas where it melted out, soft pink tongue tracing the trails of chocolate back up to the mouth of the cone, pressing his reddened lips together to lightly suck the area to stop it from spilling over again. Steve felt his dick twitch in his jeans and he was going to hell, he was sure of it. God he was really going to hell. Tony was going to beat the shit out of him before that happened because Steve would come clean and tell him what he was thinking and off to hell he would go. That was also when he finally realized his own ice cream was dribbling down his hand.

"Fucking hell."

Steve turned back around to grab a mess of napkins, wrapping some around his cone to switch to his other hand, wiping his sticky right hand the best he could his mouth working on his ice cream to stop it from further melting. 

Bucky walked back over, laughing at him, "You alright Steve?"

He glanced up, a grin on Bucky's face, his smile so wide that his eyes crinkled with it and it was adorable and Steve definitely was the worst boyfriend in the whole wide world.

"Yeah Buck, I just..I was looking at the water and the ice cream started melting so fast I didn't notice."

"Here.." Bucky coaxed the cone out of Steve's hand freeing up both so he could properly wipe his hands down, quickly moving to the water fountain to rinse off the sticky residue. Steve took his ice cream back when he was satisfied, both of them finding a bench by the waters edge of the river watching random people here and there while birds cautiously approached their spot looking for a chance for bits of food before taking off again.

Steve draped one arm along the back of the bench behind Bucky turning his head to look at him, a small comfortable space between their sides. “Do you like it?”

“Yeah, I thought the place I took you to was great, this place isn’t bad either though. God I wish sucking dick was this good.”

Steve deftly managed not to drop his ice cream cone on the boardwalk trying not to be surprised at Bucky’s random sexual comments these days. Key word: trying. He was pleased with himself that so far he managed not to fuck that up.

Steve released a light laugh trying to focus on consuming his ice cream more than sucking on dick, namely Bucky and sucking on dick and by dick he meant his and that was so not on the agenda in reality or in his head. Please someone strike him down, he was a terrible person, a really really terrible person.

“You don’t even do that so don’t even compare.”

Bucky turned his head, “Oh yeah wise guy? Well you do so let me ask you this or head?”

A blush crept over Steve’s face, “Can I choose both? I like both.”

“That’s a cop out but I’ll give it to you. I’m just saying if you were ice cream flavored, I would definitely go down on you Rogers.”

Life was fucking with Steven Grant Rogers. This was way too obvious. He quickly finished off his cone in record time and hunched over himself, elbows and forearms draping over his thighs to hide the obvious awkward situation going on in his jeans right then. 

“I’m going on the end of the dock, you coming?”

Steve had to roll his eyes.

_Great choice of words Buck._

He waved his hand, “Nah, I want to just..sit here and stare at the water.”

Bucky shrugged, “Suit yourself.”

Steve watched him go off, a light breeze around the water’s edge gently ruffling the ends of Bucky’s hair, most of it sitting clumped together down the center of his head where he grabbed at it out of habit.

Steve joined him when he was comfortable enough to, hands shoved into pockets standing over to where Bucky was sat down by the edge of a dock with his legs crossed. A black cat had found him too, rubbing against him with loud purrs, head-butting his hand for attention until Bucky complied with a smile, giving it gentle scratches.

“New friend?”

Bucky looked up, squinting from the glare of the sun, “I think he thinks I’m one of the fishermen. I ain’t got no fish for you kitty cat.”

The cat only climbed into his lap, front paws set up against Bucky’s chest with his neck stretched out to rub his face against Bucky’s. Steve laughed, sitting down beside Bucky reaching over to pet the cat’s back.

“Do you think anyone would notice if I brought him back with us? Lucky doesn’t mind cats, he always thinks they’re his buddies even if they wouldn’t agree.”

The cat purred louder now that he had two people paying attention to him and Steve could only chuckle, “I thought you liked dogs.”

“I like animals. Bears are better though.”

“No, no bears Buck.”

“Aw,” He rested his head against Steve’s shoulder, “Pretty please Steve?”

Steve couldn’t help but rub his head up against Bucky’s for a second with a whisper of a smile, “Nope. Now come on, say bye to your buddy and let’s get going. I have to stop for gas.” 

Bucky gingerly set the cat back on the dock, pulling himself up, “This wasn’t it? There’s more?”

Steve smiled smugly, giving him a nod, “By the way, overall what did you think of this place?”

“I think we should come back here one day. I like it, it’s different, relaxing even.”

Steve gave him a nod, “Me too, I used to come here a lot with my ma and I would sketch on the beach, it was nice. Figured you would like it.”

The cat followed after them for a bit, Bucky glancing back when it mewed at them and Steve felt a pang of discomfort in his chest, throwing his arm around Bucky’s shoulders, “C’mon, he’s fine.”

“One day Rogers, I’m going to have a zoo.”

A loud laugh slipped out of Steve, giving Bucky a squeeze, “Somehow, I don’t doubt it.”

 

Steve parked next to the gas pump and Bucky immediately climbed off tugging his helmet off his head, “You want anything?”

“Maybe some trail mix or something, some waters or something else to drink maybe?” Steve let out after lifting his visor.

Bucky gave him a nod, setting the helmet on the seat and going inside. He grabbed a few packs of trail mix and some candy bars, scanning the aisle for anything else of use. He frankly wasn’t sure what he was getting since he didn’t know where they were going. Bucky looked outside watching Steve stand like a god and pump gas, did gods even pump gas? Either way Bucky was so screwed. His phone went off in his pocket as he made his way to the back fridges, “What’s up Johnny?”

“Hey Buck, there’s a party tonight if you’re interested. I figured me, you and booze. We could make our own party.”

Bucky grabbed a couple of waters and a pair of flavored ones, “Nope, can’t.”

“Aw c’mon, you’re killing me here.”

Bucky couldn’t help but laugh grabbing a brownie from a bakery display and one of the apples as well as a small bag of pretzels. “Really, I can’t. I’m out in assfuck nowhere right now with Steve and we’re only stopping for gas, I don’t know when I’m coming back.”

Johnny let loose a low whistle, laughing teasingly, “Ah, now I know why you’re not coming. Already got a date Barnes?” 

Dumping all of his items on the counter, Bucky rolled his eyes, “It’s not a date, we’re just..you know, going out somewhere I don’t know.”

He glanced at the door, Steve walking in with a smile. Bucky gave him one back, holding out his credit card to the cashier.

“Oh, somewhere huh? So you both drove around to some secret town and he’s stopping for gas to take you somewhere? Did you eat yet?”

“Yeah..why?”

“Did he pay?”

“Yeah?”

“And he’s now taking you to some secret place, Bucky! It’s a date!”

Bucky laughed, “Shut the fuck up.”

The cashier gave him a startled expression, Steve trying not to laugh beside him. Bucky waved his hand at the guy behind the counter, “No sorry, not you.”

Steve grabbed the bag and the both of them headed back outside, Johnny still cackling away on the phone. Bucky felt himself blush lightly, “I have to go. Bye.”

“If you both fuck, think of me.”

“You’re disgusting.” Bucky tried not to laugh again, failing miserably. 

Steve climbed back on his bike, “Johnny?”

The brunette nodded, “Yep, wanted me to come out with him tonight but I told him I was hanging out with you. He thinks we’re on a date or something.”

A stupid grin popped across Steve’s face before he could control it, pulling his helmet on without a word. It wasn’t that he particularly wanted to even date Bucky, he just thought it was amusing. 

Yeah, that was it.

 

They had been riding for a good couple of hours, long stretches of roads and cityscapes were all becoming a thing of the past for Bucky and frankly his ass was starting to hurt a little. He flipped his visor up, gently patting Steve’s thigh. It was supposed to be a surprise and after the last one Bucky really didn’t mind them but he was curious and it was always he couldn’t shake off when it hit him. Steve tilted his hand, lifting his own visor up. 

“You okay?!” He shouted out over the sound of the engine and breeze.

“Yeah! But where are we going?!” 

He didn’t have to look to know Steve was most likely grinning at him. Steve was a shit and the more people knew about it, the better. Bucky jabbed him in the ribs for good measure and Steve let out a choked laugh, “Hey! Okay, okay I’m taking you to the Catskills.”

A spark of nervousness then excitement triggered in Bucky, his mind flashed horror movies and adorable couple things. 

_God Barnes, you’re a head case._

“Are you taking me there to kill me Steve? I’ve seen enough horror movies to know what it means to take someone out into the mountains. By movie law you have to tell me your diabolical plans before they happen unless you’re a silent killer type, which you aren’t.”

Steve laughed, “You’re sick Buck, why would I take you into the mountains when I could have easily dosed you last night?!”

Bucky blinked in surprise for a moment, caught off guard and he realized he was so definitely into Steve.

“Whoa, you’re the sick one Rogers!”

Steve could only cackle maniacally as if he was a bad guy in a cheesy horror movie and it made Bucky press closer if that was even possible and blush at how insanely attracted he was to this man pressed between his thighs.

“Besides, I forgot to bring my shovel so relax and enjoy the ride!”

Bucky broke out in a goofy grin, watching Steve flip his visor back down, Bucky doing the same to his as he felt Steve’s hand lightly give his outer thigh a pinch before returning it in front of him.

 

“Oh my god we’ve been walking like, forever out here.”

Bucky gazed around to where he was hearing the sound of water, more pulling towards his far right but he couldn’t make anything out from the loft of trees and dense forest.

They rode for miles past forests of trees, markers lining the road until Steve was satisfied for one reason or another parking in a small lot where tourists stood taking landscape pictures of far distanced treetops and the sun cascading across them or of the eagles perched nearby. A family had coaxed a raccoon from a tree to feed it crackers and Bucky almost went to join them but Steve managed to corral him with the promise of what was at the end of their hike (Bucky looked horrified) but Steve promised it was an easy walk and maybe a little steep but nothing they couldn’t work with.

Steve clicked his tongue in disapproval, Bucky was sure he was also rolling his eyes, “If I knew you were going to complain so much I wouldn’t have brought you out here.”

Bucky bit down on his lower lip, trying to hide a smile, “You know I love bugging you. You get so serious sometimes. How far we got?”

“Not too long.”

At least it was quiet, Steve slightly worried about how many tourists would be about on a warm day trip out here and how much traffic there was going to be but this was only one of many trails that existed and no one was really setting out to take the sloping walk to where he was planning to go because it meant that their walk up was going to be a work out. He watched Bucky stop up ahead, most of their trail a two foot wide dirt path worn out by others before them with a tree filled sloped hillside to their left side and green brush to their right which if they went through probably took them to the next level of their trail that was if they were stupid enough to take a short cut. 

“I can hear water from here, are we going to some falls?”

Steve shrugged with a small smile though it wavered a little watching Bucky hug the base of a tree and try to see if he could spy the water from this far away.

“Buck, be careful.”

Bucky smiled with a roll of his eyes, “Steve please, you’re worse than a mom.”

Steve moved closer watching him grab an extending branch that jutted out, his feet pointing in the direction of the sloping ground and everything in Steve was telling him to stop Bucky from inching out anymore.

“Buck, honestly you’re gonna- ”

The crack of the tree branch froze Steve in mid-sentence, the jerk of his brain came back into order with barely a misstep and he swung his hand out to grab Bucky by his arm but it was it late, he was a foot too far out of reach and instead all he saw was Bucky slip and fall down the slope.

“Bucky!”

There were sharp yells and a string of expletives before it all ended in a loud thud and a groan.

“I’m alive..I think.."

Relief washed over Steve and he took no time clambering around the tree, gripping it as he leaned out more to get an idea through the trail of brush Bucky’s body made to see how far down he went. It seemed to be hitting roughly twenty feet or so give or take but he was glad for all the trees and the slope going at an angle instead of a straight fall.  
Easy.

“Bucky stay there! I’m coming down!"

A soft groan only came back to him in response. Steve carefully turned his body sideways to shuffle down with his shoes reducing the chance of him slipping down and crashing like Bucky had, firmly holding on to the base of every tree he passed by in the heavy brush making sure to keep his eyes glued to the bits of clothing he could see through the shrubbery. 

Bucky felt like the world was spinning around him, his eyes blurring where up was from down. He brought a shaky hand to his head, the ringing in his ears slowly ebbing off into nothing. He started hearing movement to his side, rapid dragged footsteps and crumbling earth. Nothing hurt and he pushed himself up off his right foot to stand, a hand gripping a thick branch to steady the queasy feeling washing over him. 

“Buck stop moving."

The footsteps were coming closer, “I’m fine Steve, I just..give me a second.”

Steve could already see Bucky favoring his right foot but he seemed too out of it to notice the difference, “Buck you’re limping. Let me help.”

“Steve.” Bucky pressed down on his left, immediately recoiling back to his right, “Ow! Fu-argh, I’m fine, don’t worry about it.” 

Steve pursed his lips, grabbing a hold of Bucky’s arm, “You’re as stubborn as a mule you know, Jerk?”

Bucky felt his arm get tugged closer to Steve trying to keep his weight off his left ankle his brows knit together. 

“Bucky, you’re not fine. Come on, sit down on this rock and let me look at it.”

Bucky reeled back even with Steve holding on to him, his hands slapping at his broad shoulders, “No, stop it, let go!”

There was no heat or anger to Bucky’s protests, Steve tried not to laugh at his stubbornness giving his friend a nod. “Okay fine, I’ll leave you alone if you hike back up this slope without any sort of protest, yes?”

Bucky exhaled a huff of air finally eying Steve with determination in his gaze, “No problem.”

Steve released him, looking up at the route leading back to the trail they were on. It was riddled with easy to hold on to branches and wasn’t muddy or wet, they could easily make it back up. He watched Bucky examine the way he came down for a moment before giving himself a nod to proceed. 

Folding his arms over his chest, Steve watched Bucky holding his weight to one side of his body, grabbing a branch and pushing off on his right foot. The moment his left foot hit the soft ground and needed him to push off it he made a small faint shrill sound not even a couple of feet off from where they were standing as he returned back on his right foot.

“I hate you.”

“Yeah, I know. Sit down and take your shoe and sock off.”

Bucky hobbled to a flat rock while Steve rummaged in his satchel, retrieving a small ziplock bag with a few first aid supplies. He pulled the compression bandage out, kneeling down before his friend.

“Are you serious?”

Steve gingerly placed Bucky’s heel on his thigh, feeling the angry red tender area as gently as he could, “What?”

A small hiss of discomfort escaped Bucky’s lips, pressing his hands down flat against the rock, “You carry around a tiny makeshift first aid kit? You damn boy scout.”

Steve flashed Bucky the three fingered salute, “Be prepared.” He unrolled a little bit of the bandage and began to wrap it around his ankle, ignoring the eye roll he received.

“If you can’t even put weight on your left foot I’m gonna have to carry you out of here.”

Bucky mulled quietly over the idea of riding on Steve’s back, “I can try with the bandage on.”

Steve shook his head immediately, “You have to stay off that foot as much as you can and besides the bandage won’t keep you stable it’s just so the swelling stays down which has already started.”

A small noise of disapproval escaped Bucky and Steve fought not to smile up at him. He felt a finger jab him hard in the shoulder, his eyes glancing at Bucky glaring at him, “This is your fault you know, taking me up to the mountains. This was the plan right? Take me somewhere no one could find me then bam I died. Why do you hate me so much Steve?”

Steve could only look at him, he licked his lips before he spoke but he suddenly couldn’t think of anything to say. Bucky looked so adorable when he tried to pretend he was saddened and upset, it almost made Steve want to spill everything out and be honest with him. He smiled at him instead, open and gentle taking Bucky’s hand as he got himself up onto his feet. 

“I love when you’re being dramatic Buck.” He moved over to the slope mapping out a route and completely missed the way Bucky blushed outright.

“Okay so it looks pretty straight forward, the slope isn’t that high and the faster we do this the faster we can get you home.”

Bucky let out a soft grunt, leaving his sock and shoe on the rock pulling himself to his feet with a small hop, pressing his hand on to a thin tree beside him, “I’m not dying nor am I a child, I’ll be fine.”

“And we need to get your ankle examined so you didn’t tear anything.”

Bucky made a face behind Steve’s back, mouthing the words he had just said in disdain following it after with a muttering under his breath about mother hens. He hobbled pathetically through the shrubbery, alternating between weight shifts from the bare toes on his left foot or heel to get his backpack which had rolled down a soft incline of trees. His regret to get to it worsening the closer he got, sparks of pain and the gentle throb of his ankle protesting at his actions.

“Bucky.”

Bucky raised his head to glance to the side of him, Steve firmly grasping his upper arm with a voice that was terse and completely done with joking around. 

“I’m fine Steve. It doesn’t hurt.” He lied, his face warm, his skin felt cold and maybe a little clammy. 

Steve only moved away when he was sure Bucky wasn’t going to move anymore, taking a few quick strides to retrieve his backpack and his cellphone which happened to fall a few yards away. He helped Bucky slide the straps back over his shoulders, attaching the waist and chest straps across his chest occasionally glaring back at Bucky’s numerous facial expressions of being treated like he was five years old. He grabbed Bucky’s shoe off the rock and stuffed it into the backpack moving to stand before him with his hands on Bucky’s shoulders, “Come on, stop it. I just want you to be okay. Just hold on to me like you do on the bike and we’re good.”

Bucky rolled his eyes then nodded, gesturing for Steve to carry on. The blond turned around and squatted down, Bucky looping his arms firmly around Steve’s neck, “This is so embarrassing.”

“Well stop being a klutz then you won’t feel embarrassed.” Steve shot back, followed by a hand slapping his shoulder. He couldn’t help but laugh giving Bucky a gentle nudge, “Remember not to cross your ankles, you just gotta hold on with your good leg against my leg but just don’t clip me or I swear I’ll drop you further down the hill.” 

Bucky pressed tight against Steve’s muscular back, moving his leg down against Steve’s inner thigh and by his knee to secure it, his bad ankle resting loosely along Steve’s leg not wanting to let it stick out and knock into anything.

“Am I heavy?” 

Steve straightened himself up, gently bouncing Bucky up to shift him a little with a small laugh, “Nope, I’m pretty sure I lift bigger weights than you Buck. Just make sure you hold on, I need my hands.” 

Bucky grunted softly, making sure he was holding Steve tight around his neck but not to choke him inhaling his aftershave and the faint scent of sweat on top of an earthy smell he could only categorize as the Catskills. He snuggled in shamelessly, his nose tucked behind Steve’s ear feeling every taut movement of muscle and the sound of his breathing hitched as he climbed up effortlessly. It was almost too fast for Bucky, the few minutes melting into what seemed like seconds and they arrived back to where this all started at, a disturbed shift of dirt from where he slipped clearly marked the spot. Steve started off again after a pause backtracking through the trail they had been walking on. 

It took a little bit of time but they managed to make it just before the sun had set and Bucky felt a small pang of dismay he wouldn’t get to see it with Steve, even if it was just as friends. He still had wanted to but the air was cooling and they had almost three hours of travel time. 

Steve placed Bucky on the bike first to give him time to move himself appropriately before he got on with a little effort.

“I’m sorry Steve.”

He turned his head, passing over a helmet, “For what?”

Bucky dropped his head feeling genuinely awful, “For ruining your surprise and shit by being an absolute klutz. I know you wanted to show me something on the end of our walk and told me to be careful. I fucked up.”

Steve smiled warmly, his hand lightly caressing Bucky’s thigh just before the top of his knee giving it a pat, “We got loads of time Buck, I don’t mind saving it. Besides, I had fun with what we did get to do, even the sprained ankle. Now let’s get back before it gets really cold and get your foot elevated. I’m taking you to the clinic tomorrow.”

“Aw Steve no..” Bucky started, only to get a squeeze to his leg before Steve slid his own helmet on effectively ending their conversation.

 

They managed to safely get home in record time though the chilly ride gave them cooled limbs and an urgency to get upstairs immediately. Bucky hobbled off, resting his hand on the back of the seat, lifting his left to keep it off the ground waiting for Steve to climb off. Steve turned, ready and willing to carry Bucky bridal style through to the elevator but Bucky blushed outright, a shy awkward smile on his face, “I’m..okay, can I just use your arm?”

Steve huffed out an embarrassed laugh, nodding immediately. Of course he was going overboard and didn’t realize it and Bucky was sweet enough to correct him on it without making fun of him. 

Their walk was slow, Bucky was sure Steve was biting back comments to let him pick him up but he was patient and adorable about it and Bucky almost caved in wanting to let Steve do it but that was the reason he asked Steve not to. He enjoyed it too much and he was sure Steve was only doing it to help, as much as he fought it, he liked anything Steve wanted to do for him. It was too sweet to not, but Bucky had to also remind himself that he couldn’t get too comfortable because Steve wasn’t his even if he was more than happy to.

The ping of the elevator doors opening jarred Bucky from his thoughts, blue eyes constantly looking at him to gauge if he was doing okay with the pain and if he needed extra help. Bucky kept giving him comfortable nods and Steve kept his mother hen routine down for the time being while they rode up.

The doors opened to the sixth floor and suddenly Steve pressed his keys into Bucky’s hand, Bucky instinctively took them with no clue as to why when Steve abruptly swept him up in his arms and launched himself out of the elevator car and down the hall towards his apartment.

“Oh my god, Steve!”

Steve was only laughing, his lofty careless goofy giggles filling the hallway as he ran past door after door. He was breathless when they reached his own door but Bucky could tell it was more out of some sort of exhilaration than out of being tired. Bucky could only hold an arm around Steve’s neck and enjoy the ride, his startled face buried against his shoulder.

“Hello boys!”

They both turned to look down the hall, an elderly Hispanic lady dressed in a soft pink house coat peeked her head out with a small wave. 

“Hello, Mrs. Alvarez.” They let out in unison and as she took a step out to the hall, Steve immediately jogged over to her door with a big grin.

“You shouldn’t be out here, it’s cold.”

“Oh I’m fine Steven, but what has happened to poor Jamie?”

Bucky chuckled softly at the name, he had introduced himself as Bucky only a couple weeks ago and when she asked for his real name he had told her but she always stuck with Jamie. 

“He fell down a hill, sprained his ankle. He’s a bit of a klutz.” Steve said with a teasing no nonsense tone.

Bucky felt his face blush as Steve held on tight to him like some prize he won in a fair. Mrs. Alvarez clucked her tongue in dismay, lightly resting a thin hand on Bucky’s, “You should be more careful, Jamie. At least you have Steven here to take care of you. Oh wait, I have something for you both. You both wait here okay?”

They watched her wander back into her apartment, the warmth of her home curling around Bucky with different scents and spices made him feel all cozy, unconsciously snuggling in closer to Steve’s chest.

“You doing okay Buck?” 

Steve’s voice was a soft murmur and it took so much for Bucky not to run a hand over his face and through his hair affectionately right then, “Yeah, are your arms tired? You can put me down.”

“No, I’m okay.”

Mrs. Alvarez came back with a large round container wrapped in a plastic bag, placing it in Bucky’s awaiting hands, “I was waiting til morning to give that to Steven when he does his exercising but that will be good for you Jamie. You have some pozole, rest your ankle and get some sleep. No extra things boys.”

“Wha- ” Steve squawked out in surprise only stopping when Bucky grabbed his chin with his fingers, locking eyes with a mischievous gleam in them, “You heard her. No extra _things_ Steven.”

Steve could only blink a few times, flustered and looking like a floundering fish out of water for it.

Mrs. Alvarez seemed to ignore Steve’s mottled expression, tapping the warm container with a smile at them. Bucky instinctively let his eyes close when she reached up to pat his head and give his forehead a kiss though Steve had to bend down for it to happen and they waited for her to close her door before setting back towards Steve’s apartment.

Bucky seemed so have stopped fighting on being carried, letting his head return back against Steve’s shoulder, Steve gently pressed his head against his watching Bucky lazily fumble with the keys eventually getting the door unlocked and opening to get inside. The night was still early and he set Bucky down on the couch, heading into the kitchen with the pozole to set it on the counter. He grabbed an ice pack from the freezer, wrapping it up in a kitchen towel before returning back to the living room. He grabbed the stray couch pillow sitting in the armchair and propped it under Bucky’s foot then rested the ice pack against his ankle.

Bucky shivered, “Cold.”

Steve smiled, “Just for a little while Buck, you want anything, hungry?”

Biting down on his lip, Bucky only shook his head while he chewed idly not wanting to bug Steve with anything. He did want some of that soup Mrs. Alvarez made, instead he switched the television on looking for something to watch.

Knowing better, Steve pulled away to grab a couple of bowls and put the heat up a little higher. The container was warm in his hands, grabbing a ladle to dish out large servings and popping them in the microwave for a few seconds. He grabbed the container with the last of the cupcakes with the bowls and brought them over to the coffee table. He placed the soup in Bucky’s hands with playful glare knowing it’s exactly what he wanted but didn’t ask for it.

Bucky could only duck his head away, pretending the show he was watching was much too interesting to deal with Steve. 

Returning to the kitchen, Steve shuffled around and brewed up some coffee, humming happily as he spooned in the sugar, his nose crinkling in hesitation before he sniffed at the milk carton praising God it wasn’t spoiled. He came back and set the mugs down on the table, sitting himself down on the floor in front of the couch by Bucky’s arm. He leaned his back against the couch frame, stretching his legs out underneath the table holding his own serving of pozole. He never really knew he would enjoy hominy but the mix of it with meat and soup jostled something that he could only describe as homely. He knew Bucky felt the same way because his big mouth usually went silent while he ate, a wistful look in his eyes that he generally tried to keep to himself. 

Their soups demolished for now, Steve handed Bucky his mug of coffee and he didn’t fail to notice this happy pleasant silence between them while a nature documentary about the ocean life played before them. He liked it, that odd need to keep a conversation going never came up within him. Bucky’s fingers lightly roamed along his shoulder to pinch at fabric before his hand would fall back on the couch listlessly. It was something Steve picked up about Bucky almost immediately; the slight curious touches of contact like he was making sure Steve was really there, it made Steve feel good, like he was in a position of importance because of it. He remembered an article he read on his phone while Bucky was away those worrisome four days that some reasons people had anxiety were because of people in general, that the phrase _did your mother not hug you as a kid?_ was way too accurate of a reason for some individuals. It had led him to think about all the times he had seen Clint, Natasha, even Brock around Bucky and the way they all kept some active physical contact with him when they were speaking. He quietly tucked the bit of information away for future over assessment knowing there was something to it but he could only surmise it to himself hoping maybe one day Bucky would tell him and explain it all.

He changed his train of thought to the cupcakes, removing the lid and holding it out for Bucky to take one. They were down to seven, dropping off some for Mrs. Alvarez and her sweet tooth earlier that day and leaving an extra container with her for Sam to pick up and distribute for himself and to Nat and Clint after they left. Sam had indeed questioned his own sexuality later while they were on the road, texting Steve about if it was possible to have a man crush on Bucky just over his ability to make the most sinful moist cupcakes alone and Steve had to laugh. It was quickly followed by a few too many heart eyed emoji’s and then request for Bucky’s phone number to give him a few too many heart eyed emoji’s. 

Bucky could only shake his head at his phone soon after, showing him his latest texts from Sam, Clint and Natasha all with the overuse of emoji’s and Clint’s love of the smiley poop one.

“You got icing on your face.” Bucky suddenly interrupted.

Steve instinctively licked the corner of his mouth but tasted nothing looking up in confusion and Bucky gently swiped off icing at the other corner of his mouth with a smirk, “Missed but nice try though.”

Bucky’s eyes roamed back to the television, his thumb disappearing into his mouth then back out again with it cleaned off and Steve could only stare with a blank expression and a gaping mouth, abruptly turning his head to the TV screen so he wasn’t so damn obvious. 

Bucky yawned out softly, finishing off the rest of his coffee. He let his eyes close for a moment before he lightly nudged Steve to get his attention, “Can you take me to bed?”

Steve peered up at him and nodded, “Yeah of course.” He cleaned up quickly, throwing the ice pack back into the freezer and the dishes went into the sink. Hitting all the lights, he came back to the couch gathering Bucky up in his arms.

“I feel like a Disney Princess.” Bucky joked with a small chuckle and Steve could only laugh back placing him down on his side of the bed.

“I think you get treated better than some of them, Buck.”

Bucky only shrugged, then groaned softly, “Shit I gotta change.”

Steve found a change of clothes and put it on the bed, “I’ll go wash up, you change.”

Finally settled in bed, Steve stared out the partially opened blinds in the dark. He turned back towards Bucky when his friend shifted a little, moving his pillow around. 

“Steve?”

“I’m still awake.”

“Thanks for helping me, even tho it’s kind of weird to have you carrying me around.” 

Steve chuckled, tucking his hands behind his head, “Don’t thank me, I don’t mind helping you. I’m glad I can considering I can’t even pay you back when you get me nice things.”

There was a small sound of disdain from Bucky’s throat, “They’re gifts for a reason. I don’t expect anything back from you for them.”

A shrug came from Steve, “That’s easy for you to say.”

Bucky put his hand out, the light glinting off the tops of his fingernails and Steve took it giving it a light squeeze. He couldn’t help but feel a comfort in it, the touch of Bucky’s hand in his as if he couldn’t be without it. 

“It’s not, that’s the point. Sometimes I’m a horrible judge of a person. Sometimes I push away my friends and bring in bad people. I always do stupid things, I can be a wreck because I’ll let the bad control me but I appreciate you guys for being there and being yourselves so..shut the hell up and just accept it.”

Steve mused, wanting so badly to bring those knuckles up to his mouth and give them a kiss that was all platonic and adoring because that’s really all that Bucky was to him at that moment, someone he adored completely. A complete anomaly that he couldn’t at all understand but he was happy to be around. He settled for running his thumb across Bucky’s fingers instead and knew it would have to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Bucky was listening to Service Bell by Grizzly Bear and Feist.


	11. You’re perfect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve starts getting a better understanding on the inner workings of Bucky's mind and his life in general. Sam gets an unexpected surprise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Chapter 11 pic/gif](http://kalika999.tumblr.com/post/141138788140/hunger-of-the-pine-chapter-11-steve-starts)

**Mid October, 2015**  
  
  


The cab pulled up in front of Natasha’s brownstone, Steve staring up at the building shifting his gaze to Bucky, “You want me to come up?”

Bucky looked out the window then turned back to him smiling softly and nodding. Steve grinned back, climbing out from his side to jog around and open Bucky’s door for him. Putting a hand out, Bucky took it with his backpack in his other hand. His ankle was freshly wrapped up and hovering in the air slightly off the ground, Steve grabbing the crutches out and held them up for Bucky, trading them for his bag. He watched him start off towards the stoop, trying not to smile at the awkward way Bucky managed to resemble a new born deer trying to take new steps.

“I can tell you’re laughing at me behind my back because I don’t know how to use crutches, Asshole.”

Grinning Steve pulled his wallet out to hold out his credit card but the driver shook his head, waving his hand away as if he was shooing the card. 

“You don’t take cards anymore?”

“We do but your guy over there paid me a fifty, now if you wanna pay me a bigger tip that’s cool Pal but he already gave me a twenty dollar tip.”

Steve raised his brows in surprise, “Geez you’re honest. I don’t think other cabbies would bother telling me.”

The man shrugged, “Eh, I guess I gots put into good spirits today.”

Steve nodded with a smile, slamming the door shut watching the car go off. He turned to see Natasha fawning all over Bucky and holding one crutch away to let him use her arm instead, her hand lightly rubbing his back. He jogged after the pair of them, closing the door behind him. 

“What’s up with deceiving me with the cute smile in the cab back there huh? Paying the cabbie while I’m distracted getting to your side, low one Barnes.”

Natasha shooed Lucky away from Bucky as she moved towards the kitchen, the dog running over to Steve instead and Bucky smiled at him, “The smile was genuine, my intentions were indeed deceptive I’m sorry Steve.”

“Oh don’t give me that cute bullshit while Natasha’s here. I know you don’t mean it.”

Natasha came back with two mugs of coffee, handing one to each other them then parking herself down beside Bucky, “How did this happen?”

“He went to go see if he could see the waterfalls and started edging off the trail and snap, the branch broke and he went rolling down the hill like a swearing doughnut.”

Bucky laughed, “Yeah, that sums it up pretty well. Steve came down and carried me out, we had to go back and it was getting late anyway. We went to the clinic this morning and the doc said it’s minor. Just have to keep off it and ice it, good to go. It was sore in the morning but it’s not so bad right now.”

Pursing her lips, Natasha nodded before turning to look at Steve sitting on the loveseat, “Are you staying for dinner?”

“I don’t exactly think it’s a good idea. I made plans with Tony and before you say anything, yes I did it because Bucky has a sprained ankle and I’m afraid of what Brock might do.”

Bucky laughed, “Oh Brock’s a kitten. He really is.”

Natasha shook her head, “No, that’s honestly a good idea. Make sure you come next week, but today I agree with you Steve.”

“Nat, you know he’s not that bad.”

“Remember that time..”

“Oh no, here we go.”

“..When he broke that guy’s nose for accidentally bumping into you and making you spill your drink..?”

“Okay that was one time.”

“Then the time he broke a guy’s arm because he was getting handsy with you and wasn’t taking no for answer?”

Bucky rolled his eyes, “He did it with love and a good cause.”

“Or what about when he put that guy in a choke hold because he walked in not realizing the guy was showing you wrestling moves.”

Bucky shrugged, “He’s just protective, you know he’s always been like that, even with you! Steve, I could tell you stories about when guys try to hit on her. Enter big bad Brock Rumlow and his hefty frame back in high school and I shit you not guys were out of there in two seconds. Clint loved it.”

“Half the time he was just being rude. He just doesn’t like people sniffing around and that’s why you let Steve go take a break and then he can come get to know him next week.”

Bucky rolled his eyes, “If I asked him to try for me, he would. I don’t think he minds when I make friends.”

Natasha reclined back against the couch, resting her arms out looking over at Steve, “There was another time when Bucky was trying his best to help this poor guy out. He dropped his books and papers all over the place. You know Bucky, always the sweetheart, he stops to help him right? They gather every thing up, Bucky makes sure he’s got it all secure in his arms and gives him a smile and starts on his way. The guy calls him back, asks if later he wants to go out for a coffee as a thank you and cue in Brock fresh out of the locker rooms with no idea who the guy is and shoulders past him knocking him off balance into a set of lockers. The guy drops all his stuff..again and before Bucky can go help him again, Brock’s got him in tow for somewhere else. You can’t tell me he’s not rude.”

Bucky could only shrug helplessly.

Steve smiled, albeit a little nervously, “Well I don’t want anything on my body broken so let’s just take the safe route Buck.”

“Whatever you like Stevie.”

Steve beamed, getting up to sit where Natasha had last sat, watching her go upstairs for something. Bucky immediately rested his head on his shoulder, “He’s really not so bad.”

“You got rose colored glasses on Buck.”

Humming in response Bucky pulled out a book from his bag to read while Steve read what he could with him. Natasha came back down and into the living room with her phone waving about, “Hate to cut this all short but Steve, he’s on his way. He just asked if I needed anything so I got him delayed at the store but you should probably get a move on.”

Bucky didn’t hide the disappointment on his face, Steve lightly nudging him, “Oh come on, I’ll see you tomorrow and remember, while I’m not around don’t you dare ignore doctor’s orders and make your sprain worse. Better taking it easy than extending the time.”

“I got it, Nat’s not going to let me she’s exactly like you are with that stuff.”

Steve pulled himself up, giving Natasha a hug, “Good, you need us to tell you not to.”

Bucky only rolled his eyes, Natasha leading him to the door, “Have a good night Steve.”

He grinned, “You too, see you both later!”

 

Taking his shoes off, Brock rounded the corner with his gaze immediately eyeing the crutches, “And what happened to you?” 

Bucky looked up from his worn paperback, his eyes brightening, a pillow tucked under his propped up foot on the coffee table, “I was trying to see something off a trail and I fell down the hill. It’s a really light sprain, should be good in a few days. It was really painful for a while but I didn’t move much and iced it down a lot.”

Brock sat down on the table next to the pillow, cautiously examining the foot, signs of swelling and redness mostly gone. “You’re a walking accident sometimes, you know that? What were you doing on a trail anyway, you ain’t much of a hiker.”

Dropping his eyes back to his book, Bucky chewed nervously at his lip, “I went out with Steve, we were taking a walk. I went ahead a little, he told me to stop but I wasn’t listening to him. Branch snapped and down I went. This is better than cracking my head open on a tree or rock.”

Brock’s features tensed slightly, “It’s funny how every time there’s a problem going on, he seems to pop up.”

“Brock..” Natasha started, her tone warning him.

A wry smile spread across his lips, getting up to walk into the kitchen. He lifted the lid of the pot simmering away, a distracted groan involuntarily slipped from his lips immediately rummaging for a spoon in the utensil drawer to take a taste. Natasha and Bucky watched Rumlow’s fist lightly hit the stove top while he savored. 

“Natalia, you’re going to make me fat again. How can you do this to me, Dolchezza? I hope you assholes made your own food I’m eating this whole damn pot of stroganoff.”

A helpless laugh slipped away from Bucky, “Look at him, you know he’s pleased when he’s calling you Italian endearments. You can have my share if it means so much to you, Rummyboo.”

Brock tried to hide away his smile, pointing his spoon towards the living room, “Don’t call me that.”

Natasha mused, pulling herself away from Lucky to add the egg noodles, “You’re not giving up your egg noodles, I know you Kotyonok and Brock, my Levka, I made you a whole dish of it earlier today. It’s in the fridge for you to take home.”

“You _are_ trying to get me fat again.” He kissed her cheek, returning to sit back down on the couch.

Natasha stirred the noodles lightly, turning the heat down, “What can I say, you were very handsome.”

“I’m still very handsome.”

“Less so.” 

Brock laughed, shaking his head. Bucky settled in beside him going back into his book. Lucky heard footsteps at the stoop and bounded for the door excitedly, Clint letting himself in holding a yellow flyer while his other hand pet his dog, “Nat, it’s ready! We gotta go like every year; the haunted houses, rides, games, the food!”

The redhead smiled softly, adoring the cheery expression on Clint’s face, his blue eyes wide handing the flyer to Bucky.

“We can get on some rides, play a few games! They’re going to have more than two haunted houses this year with different themes. Oh! We gotta get the house decorated and candy too!”

Natasha raised a finger, “Alright, alright we know the drill. You just got home, relax Clint.”

He grinned wider, dropping down on the loveseat, “Hey what happened Buck?”

Brock thumbed at the brunette, “This idiot decided his fat ass should lean on a branch and it broke, bam down he went.”

Bucky pouted, looking back at his behind, “I have a beautiful ass.”

Clint broke out laughing, curling up trying to hold it back. “Stop it!”

Natasha snapped her fingers, Brock glancing up, a smirk across his face, “Brock come help get those dinner trays out. We can all eat in the living room and watch a movie.”

He obliged, getting up from his seat. Clint got up to get the basket of buttered slices of French bread and the small bowls of salad handing one to Bucky on his way to putting them on the coffee table. The brunette made a small face but began eating it anyway. Brock set out small dinner trays for each of them then helped get some bottled waters while Natasha spooned out generous bowls of stroganoff.

They all turned to the sound of the doorbell ringing, Lucky letting out an excited bark while he ran to the door wagging his tail eagerly.

“Who could that be?”

Clint went to answer it, throwing the door open to Jack looming on the stoop, “Hey Jack! Looking for Brock? Come in.”

“Hey Clint, yeah Brock told me to drop some things off for him over here sorry if I’m interrupting anything.” He pet Lucky on the head, setting a gym bag down by the side of the living room entrance.

“Hey Jack." Bucky and Brock called out at the same time, finishing off their salads.

Natasha took one of the bowls of stroganoff, placing a spoon in it walking her way over to the tall soft spoken male holding it out for him, “You didn’t interrupt anything. Have a seat, we were just having dinner.”

Jack’s green eyes widened in surprise, putting a hand up with a shake of his head, “Oh no, I couldn’t.”

A huff escaped Brock from the couch, his eyes fixed on the movie playing on one of the channels, pointing to the empty space on the loveseat with a socked foot, “Yeah you can Jackass, take the fucking bowl and eat when Natasha offers you something.”

Jack looked at him then at Natasha, smiling apologetically as he took the bowl, “Thanks Nat.”

She gave him a smile, waiting for him to sit down before moving her dinner tray to where he sat, putting her bowl of salad, a water bottle and some pieces of bread on a napkin onto it. Jack looked at her with furrowed brows and she only gestured him to eat.

Everyone settled in, Natasha served herself and sat down at Bucky’s other side on the couch, the brunette glancing over to how much she was eating, “Not going to eat more? Want some bread?”

She curled into him, resting her head on his shoulder with a shake of her head, “I’m not really hungry. I’m good with this.”

Clint lifted the remote, putting the volume up a little bit, all eyes set on the television. The room filled with the sound of quiet chewing and comfortable silence, a perfect sense of normalcy to it.

  


Steve waited for the daytime guard to open the gate, riding his motorcycle down the short drive up the the house. He wasn’t sure why he called Bucky’s house a house, it was a damn mansion but the fact that Bucky always called it one he figured it was why he did it as well. He parked a little to the side not entirely sure where he was supposed to and just hoped for the best. 

Quickly he looked over himself in his mirror, peering hard through dark aviator sunglasses. Nodding in finality over his outfit, wearing a checkered blue shirt and khaki slacks he put his helmet on his seat and started heading over. He approached the front door just as it was opened to be greeted by Bucky’s house butler or whatever he was supposed to be. Steve still wasn’t really sure and Bucky only called him Charlie or Charles. 

“Master Rogers.”

Steve winced not at all comfortable with the title, Tony’s JARVIS system did the same thing and it was so weird even after so long. He wasn’t in ye merry old England.

“Just call me Steve.”

The tall, thin black haired man made a face resembling a ‘you know I can’t do that’ giving Steve a small nod before gesturing to come inside, “Master Barnes is in his art studio.”

“Thanks Charlie..um Charles. Sorry."

A hand gestured for him to go down a hallway past the main staircase where French doors were already opened up to a large conservatory. He looked around at the room entirely made of glass walls, an old phonograph sitting at the side, a dining table to the side and loungers about. A pair of bookshelves held old and yellowed paperbacks, his eyes catching various types of tropical plants and a large fish tank.

He wanted to look at each and every thing but reminded himself to keep moving through to another set of open doors leading out into the backyard beelining it across the large manicured lawn to a small building that seemed to have been a pool house which obviously sat beside the pool and what sounded like indie music spilling out the opened windows. He rounded the corner where one wall was rebuild to retract like a garage door for more open space, Bucky sat there completely in focus of what he was doing. Steve stood quietly, pulling his sunglasses off to put them into his front pocket, hands tucked behind his back waiting to see if he would notice him. 

Bucky slouched, dressed in only his black slim jeans which were riding low, a grey t-shirt hanging out of his back pocket. His body and face were covered in a splatter of grey clay, his arms completely ashen, a thin sheen of sweat causing his body to shine in the sunlight, basked against his pale skin, though curiously not tanning it. His hair was damp, clinging along his face and forehead.

Steve had to admit, even though he tried hard not to, Bucky managed to always look so damn handsome. He couldn’t help but admire things about him that were small and minor like his hair falling over over his eyes when he leaned forward in his stool, focusing on the details of the piece he was working on. He hummed softly along to the music. He gently released a heavy breath, sitting up straighter as he reached for the remote control, turning the volume up. 

“Oh, say say say, oh, say say say..”

Steve stared at the back of his brown hair as he sang along, Bucky’s voice soft as if he didn’t want anyone to hear him over the music but it was full of affection, Steve not sure if he conscious of it or not. 

“Wait, they don't love you like I love you..”

But Steve was completely aware of it, his heartbeat picking up in his chest. The way he sounded so small and timid, it made his throat tighten, his hands forming gently into half hearted fists. This tone of Bucky’s was so guarded, he had heard him sing of course before but this was at some place he felt only Bucky visited. Steve felt a pang of guilt crossing him for listening in but he didn’t want to stop hearing it.

“Made off. Don't stray. My kind's your kind, I'll stay the same..”

He felt warm inside, feeling himself flush past his collar along the curve and muscle of his body as he took a soft step forward.

“They don't love you like I love you..”

His lips dry, he went to open his mouth, his tongue pushed firmly at the roof of it. His jaw sank down, lips moving but only air escaped. His tongue darted out to moisten them, a soft wheeze crawling out of him but nothing more. What was he going to say anyway? It was just a stupid song he was singing, right? It wasn’t about anyone. If it was, maybe it was for someone else. 

“Steve? You okay?”

He blinked a couple of times, his arms suddenly folding over his chest before he realized he had been standing there with his mouth half open looking like a dazed idiot. 

“Uh, yeah I’m fine Buck. I was just listening to the song, sounded familiar but I wasn’t sure.” He managed to choke out, carefully studying the brunette’s face. 

Bucky only beamed at him, turning back to his work like nothing wrong had just gone on, “Yeah it’s pretty old, probably heard it on the radio, maybe? I had a folder of songs I used to listen to back back when, decided to give a listen.”

Steve watched him disappear back into his work, caked fingers smoothing out ridges and cracks in the clay, digits flicking into the bowl of water nearby to moisten it lightly to make it more pliable. He watched the tip of his tongue smooth out over his bottom lip slowly, dragging along before it disappeared back into his mouth again. The top row of his teeth sank down into his corner bottom lip, his eyes narrowing at a detail in the bust work before him. 

Steve took a seat in the stool next to him, staring at the face, “Who wants a bust of Zeus?” 

Bucky shrugged back at him, “It’s apparently a gift Johnny’s mom wanted for a friend of hers.”

He examined the fine lines and details, hair just so that it could have been real, Bucky’s brows narrowing to the folds of his beard, the inside of his cheek bitten down.

Staring, Steve was enamored by the work Bucky was throwing himself into a little surprised he had this ease to him. He wished he had come to see him work earlier than now. The music tracks changed, classical filling the converted pool house now.

This wasn’t like when Bucky painted, no. Steve saw the nervousness in him, how he seemed lost sometimes, the itch he wanted to scratch through his creativity but he couldn’t entirely reach. Steve assumed this was what Bucky meant whenever he was praising him about his own abilities. His work should be on display somewhere but he also knew Bucky, that mute quiet reserve he enjoyed to put himself in, watching the world instead of being a part of it. 

Bucky’s gaze was focused on nothing else but his project, occasionally moving to stand and hunch, generally he sat on his stool and went on barely looking or addressing Steve even there sitting there staring at him lost in the whole process.

“I’m sorry I’m such a horrible host when I’m working.” He muttered out suddenly, Steve snapping his head up to attention.

“No, don’t. I like watching you..work. It’s nice to get you in your element. We should definitely start those sketches, that set you gave me had charcoals I want to use.”

Steve watched Bucky’s mouth close softly, his tongue peeking out to lick across his lips quickly then disappear revealing a smile as he continued to work, “You still want me to pose for you?”

“Yes, of course. Have you seen your body?”

Grey blue eyes peered at him, brows up and Steve shook his head to catch himself, “I mean you know how you always randomly say I’m gorgeous or built like a truck and stuff. Well you are so beautiful as a muse, I mean..”

Steve swallowed nervously, thinking of how much further he could shove his foot into his mouth, raking a hand through his hair ducking his head away before looking back up at Bucky staring at him and all he could do was blush furiously all over.

He held his hands out before him, “Let me start again. Buck, you’re really _really_ beautiful and I want to draw you.” Steve felt his stomach tie into numerous knots, the heat radiating off his cheeks. He was so damn nervous but he was also pleased, happy to tell Bucky the truth at least in something. Bucky deserved it, his reaction only made it completely worth it. 

Bucky was thrown off, red cheeked and pulse racing. He knew Steve was speaking for the artist in him, capturing bits of what he saw as appealing, an ongoing love affair to find and keep beautiful things. No matter what it was, he couldn’t help loving and hating it, shyness sinking into every fiber of his body even though simultaneously wanting to kiss him with a minor feeling of disbelief. It wasn’t like he hadn’t heard the compliment before, but it was usually from the wrong sort of people, the _wrong_ people. From Steve, it felt awful and special at the same stupid time.

“Always a sap.” He finally managed to mutter out softly, tilting his head to the back of the room, “There’s an easel with paper sheets and charcoal in the cabinet if you want.”

“Yeah? You’re okay with that?”

Bucky’s eyes drifted back to his work, nodding softly, “If that’s what you want, I’m moving a little but I’m generally in one place.”

Grinning, Steve shot up almost too eagerly and moved everything a little bit away from where he had been sitting so he got a better perspective of Bucky. 

 

“How’s this?”

Steve knew it wasn’t his best work but it was Bucky. It was how he saw Bucky ever since the day he met him. Soft and sweet, shrouded in some vague mystery that was usually hidden behind a smile which he left out for this piece. His damp hair slightly wild, eyes wide and focused as he worked on his sculpture like the picture he painted at his apartment, his button nose slightly crinkled in concentration with pressed lips, his slightly toned lean body pressing into the table with one arm draped against the surface.

Bucky stopped and shuffled over, taking care not to lean too hard on his ankle. He pressed his arm against Steve’s shoulder, leaning against him with a tilt of his head as he studied it.

The wide smile on Steve’s face slowly began to drop when Bucky wasn’t speaking, nervousness replacing it the longer the seconds of silence lingered. 

“Buck?”

A small embarrassed laugh slipped out of the brunette moving his arm to drape it around Steve’s neck instead, turning his head to look at him, his breath warm against his cheek, “I love it, even if it’s a gross misinterpretation of your subject matter.”

“Misinterpretation?! God listen to you, can’t no one give you a compliment you damn adorable modest Asshole.”

Bucky looked away for a second with a roll of his eyes, a small short laugh bouncing out of him as he shook his head.

Steve made a face looking back at his work, “I think it’s good and ridiculously accurate. You’re perfect.”

Blushing, Bucky bit back saying anything else lest he wanted Steve to go on shooting his mouth with compliments because it was Steve and he was too stubborn to stop. He actually wanted to kiss him more for being so sweet knowing that was most likely not what Steve would want, he shook his head in disbelief instead straightening up. He pulled his crutches tucking them under his arms, “Let’s go inside, I need a break my back hurts from leaning over so long. I’ll introduce you to one of my favorite people in the world.”

Steve wiped his hands on a towel, walking along beside him, “Besides me?”

Side eyeing him, a smirk played across Bucky’s lips, “Yeah, besides you Punk.”

Inside, Steve followed him through a dining room and through a set of heavy doors, his eyes taking in as much as he could, one lone person working ahead of them.

“Imgy!” Bucky uttered out before handing his crutches to Steve barreling through the large kitchen to wrap his arms around a curvy older brunette with silver strands of hair wrapped in a tight bun.

Her blue eyes widened in surprise, gripping a mixing spoon in one hand and her other gripped Bucky’s arm for dear life. “J-James. Good Lord put me down Honey, please!” 

Bucky only laughed out, pressing his cheek against her shoulder, hugging her tight around her waist and swinging her about like a child hugging a toy. Steve could only lean against the large marble counter top and watch with a chuckle. 

He finally set her down, a wild and happy grin on his face that Steve never saw before, she barely reached his shoulder when she stood comfortably again, her features changing to slight annoyance hitting his bare shoulder with the spoon playfully, “I told you not to do that and where’s your shirt? Don’t come galavanting into this kitchen like some playboy and ruin my prep work!”

Bucky stared at her, reaching out to brush loose strands from her forehead which only got his hand smacked with the spoon again. He only smiled wider as she glared at him, holding his ashen hands up in defense while he leaned in. She acted like she was readying for a fight and he quickly pecked her cheek before a barrage of smacks hit his arms and he laughed, “I’ll pick you up again Img..”

She rolled her eyes at him, her voice softening now, “James, really where is your shirt, it’s getting cold.”

Bucky only shrugged, “It was in my back pocket, probably fell out.”

He turned to wave his hand towards Steve, “Oh yeah, this is Steve Rogers. Steve meet one of my favorite women in the whole wide world, Imogen Rigby.”

Steve stepped forward with a hand out, “Ma’am.”

Imogen’s eyes gazed at Bucky for a second, an unsure look appearing across her face, “Steve..Steve?”

Bucky blushed bright before he could stop himself, the color spreading softly across his chest as he nodded awkwardly, “Yes. The _friend_ I was talking about.”

A childlike giggle escaped from her as she stepped toward Steve, taking his hand with both of hers, “I’m so happy to finally meet you Steve. Bucky tells me so much about you and I always ask him when he’ll bring you around. He told me you paint?”

Ducking his head for a second, Steve nodded with a shy grin, “Yeah, a little.”

“He’s a liar Img. He’s painting a few things so he could possibly do a gallery show soon.” Bucky let out, his mouth full.

Imogen whirled around in her soft pastel blue dress and white apron, mouth quirking into a frown, “James are you-" She strode over to him, pushing him away from the brownies cooling away on the wire rack.

“Don’t eat those, they were a surprise! They haven’t even been iced yet you little Bugger!”

Bucky grinned, bumping into a chair, cradling his half eaten brownie, “But they’re so _good_ , seriously perfect. You’re perfect. Vreau sa te sarut!”

She pointed the wooden spoon at him again, narrowing her eyes, “Child, don’t even start with that. I’m old enough to be your mother, go take your butt out of here and throw your Romanian at someone else.”

Bucky gave her his best puppy face, complete with adorable soft blue eyes that picked up the blue from her dress and if she didn’t relent, Steve would have. Fortunately for Bucky, she turned her head and poked her cheek out letting him step up towards her and plant a second kiss on her cheek.

She pushed him towards the exit, “Now get out. I have to finish dinner.”

Slinging an arm around Steve’s shoulders, Bucky stuffed the rest of the brownie into his mouth, “What are we having?”

Imogen rested her hands on her hips in thought, “Well if your parents come back tonight, they said they wanted roasted pork loin and fingerling potatoes with some greens. For you and Steve, if he likes, as soon as I heard you were coming I decided to make macaroni and cheese for your side.”

A soft moan escaped from Bucky, dropping his head helplessly against Steve’s shoulder, “This woman, I’m telling you, a Saint. I love her, I want to marry her. She always says no.”

Steve smiled at her, watching a small fond smile hitting her face while she stirred something in a pot, “The first time James asked me to marry him was when he was five,” She explained. “It was his birthday. He said the reason why I should say yes was so that he could keep me forever because it was the first time I made him a chocolate cake from scratch. Oh his mother was so embarrassed. I knew from that point he was going to be trouble but also a romantic at heart.”

“Trouble is an understatement sometimes with Bucky." Steve retorted, laughing with a hand resting on his chest.

Bucky gave her a wink, lightly guiding Steve out the door taking one crutch from him to balance himself out. He glanced back over his shoulder curiously to get her impression and Imogen tilted her head towards Steve’s back giving Bucky a happy smile.

They both walked through the dining area and out through the sitting room, Steve retrieving his phone when it chimed. He looked over at it, his furrowed brows smoothing out with a smile, Bucky dropping his arm watching Steve leaning into the door frame.

“What is it?”

Steve glanced up, “What? Oh, it’s Tony. He said he rearranged some things, said he has some free time before I have to go to work. He said I should come over.”

Bucky turned his head to focus on a framed picture, his finger lightly nudging it back to how it was originally placed, suddenly feeling suspicious, “Didn’t you tell him you were coming over here?”

Steve grinned, heading to the front after passing the second crutch to him, giving Bucky one quick pull before shuffling his shoes on, “Of course I did! I told him if he was free to let me know because I would hang out with you but he said he would be swamped. This is great! He’s been so accommodating lately.”

Bucky smirked, “Yeah, sweet isn’t it?”

Steve opened the front door, glancing over his shoulder after looking at his bike parked just at the side, “Very! I’ll drop by later okay?”

Bucky thinly smiled, nodding at him as he watched Steve climb on and pull his helmet on. Soon enough he was roaring away, and Bucky could only shake his head going back inside with a slam of the door.

  
Steve pulled up around the fountain, cutting the engine to his bike in a car lot Bucky texted him about earlier in the night. Tugging off his helmet, he rested it on the seat, hearing absolute silence in the night air. It was actually nice for once, after being in the city for so long and the noise of cars and city life. He grinned, checking his watch that told him it was a little after midnight. He approached the door, hesitating to hit the bell finally deciding to do it, waiting for someone to lecture him on the time.

Charles opened the door, dressed down but still wide awake, giving Steve a nod, “Master Barnes is in the pool, Sir.”

“The pool..?” Steve stuttered out, about to ask how in the hell Bucky could be swimming outside in the cold when he was abruptly directed to a side hall down the left side from the entryway. 

“Through that hallway Sir, the door to the end, take the stairs down and you will find him there.”

“Oh. Thank you.”

“My pleasure Master Rogers.”

Steve glanced back wanting to say something but he knew it was futile, watching him wait and find the door down the dimly lit hallway before taking off down another way, Steve turned the handle to the French door, finding a staircase that did indeed immediately take him to the basement where there was a pool to one side. Bucky swam lazily across the surface on his back, Steve not able to help the smile pinch across his face.

Bucky was piping in classical music, the sound echoing off the deep brown walls, potted lights lit up the ceiling half the room fitted for a regular sized pool and lounge area, the other half was an entertainment room. Big screen television, some arcade games, plush leather couches, a pool table and dart board, a fully stocked bar, and a few snack machines. He was sure he missed some things but he also saw there were other doors past that room and he didn’t need to see it all right away. Instead Steve turned back to the pool taking the moment to watch Bucky staring up at the ceiling with is face barely above water level, his feet lightly moving along leaving soft ripples.

“Buck.”

If Steve’s heart could stop from one look. Bucky allowed himself to dip back in the water to stand, his face lighting up a smile as soon as he saw Steve standing by the stairs. Bucky dove forwards through the water, resurfacing just at the edge of the pool, tossing his head back to shake the water from his eyes before folding his arms on the lip with his chin resting on top of them.

“Hey you, you’re an hour or something early. I wanted to ask if you wanted to swim, I got lazy waiting for you though and before you say anything all I’m doing are lazy back strokes and little minor things so I don’t use my ankle.”

Steve had to pause a moment, replaying the way Bucky came to the edge of the water, his eyes matching the color of the water, hair slicked back with plush red lips and droplets of water all over his pale skin.

“Uh,” Steve let out a light cough, “Yeah sorry. We were really slow and Natasha told me to get lost so I came by right away, figured it would be alright.”

“I honestly thought you were going to be with Stark.”

Steve came over to the edge, “Yeah he wanted me to but he had to cancel. The upside was he came to pick me up at work but he was there for a good twenty minutes until he got called back.”

Bucky stared up at him, pulling away from the edge allowing himself to half float half bounce off his toes a grin spreading across his face and Steve knew what he was going to say before he said it.

“Well then, jump in!”

Steve met Bucky’s eyes with a small frown, “I didn’t bring a suit.” In all honesty he thought it was going to be a movie night with a lot of junk food that Sam would make him pay for later. Night swimming was not on any list he had made up.

“Just come in naked, or your boxers. I’m sure I have some in new packs you can have.”

Steve nodded to him, stripping himself down to his boxers while Bucky watched him, letting his body sink into the water to his nose attempting to hide his smirk. He watched Steve dive in at the deep end, the dark illuminated shape above the pool’s lit floor lights swam towards him before breaking to the surface, wrapping large arms around him.

Bucky yelped out in surprise not exactly prepared for Steve to be so forward considering their lack of clothing, “Let me go!” He managed to wiggle one arm out, slapping him and it only caused Steve to laugh harder.

This time Bucky didn’t throw out a fair warning, wanting to get out faster than ever. His leaned in and bit down quickly along his shoulder, drawing back as soon as Steve yelled out in surprise letting him go and he backed up a little covering his mouth with his hand.

“Buck!”

He laughed, giving his best friend a shrug watching Steve sorely rub the spot which burned an angry red though the both of them were thankful it didn’t break skin.

“I’m sorry but I was startled.” Bucky lied, flashing a small grin.

Scowling, Steve turned his head at it trying to eyeball just how bad it was, “If Tony sees..”

“Tell him someone at the bar tried to fight dirty. Easy and simple.”

Steve nodded to him, though it didn’t ease his mind. If Tony even saw a little sign someone had bit him he was going to hit the roof. Didn’t matter it was because someone was trying to get out of his hold, all Tony saw was something that was going to make him flip out. 

Bucky tried to give him a comforting smile, he did feel bad but it was better than the alternative and he really wasn’t going to wait and show Steve how his body really felt about him.

“Steve, relax. I didn’t break skin, it’ll be gone really soon. Trust me.”

“I guess, you’re prolly an expert on leaving your mark everywhere.” Steve shot back with a crook of his brow.

Bucky’s eyes widened, splashing water with both of his hands at him causing Steve to avoid it as much as he could letting himself go under. Bucky glared, trying not to laugh, watching him finally surface, shaking the water with a quick movement from his hair.

“Well, at least it’s really nice in here.”

“Of course it is, it’s warmer than it usually it.” Bucky let himself float, stretching his arms out as he paddled them out lazily.

Steve slowly dog paddled a large arc around Bucky’s frame, “Why do you have two pools anyway?”

“Why not?”

A shrug escaped him, “Wouldn’t you want to convert this one to a skateboarding thing or whatever?”

“I prefer swimming, I always did even in school. Joining the swim team was one of the only things in high school I really liked.”

“So, you were on the swim team?”

A soft huff escaped from Bucky, “Don’t tell me you haven’t looked at my thighs and wondered what the hell was going on.”

Moving to press his back against the wall of the pool, Steve laughed, “They’re not that big but hard to miss when you sometimes wear tight jeans like you painted them on.”

“Right, that’s the reason you look there.”

Steve raised his brows opening his mouth to say something back but just shook his head instead, blushing furiously. “Jerk.”

A loud laugh erupted from the brunette, his shaking chest and shoulders rippling the water, the sound echoing off the walls letting himself float on, pushing his right foot off the wall to glide back towards the center. Steve moved to meet up with him, lightly pushing him to float another direction as he watched.

 

Bucky climbed out of the pool, water rolling off him with his swim trunks clinging for dear life to his ass. Steve could only stare, watching him grab the towel off one of the loungers and briskly run it over his body, swiftly moving to rub it through his hair. He tilted his head to the side, “You hungry?”

“God yeah.” Steve blurted out, his eyes abruptly widening at his accidental reply making a loud splash and getting out himself, “I mean, if you don’t mind me raiding your fridge.”

Bucky chuckled, walking towards a cabinet to the side to toss him a towel, “You can raid my fridge any time Rogers.” 

These were the points in life where Steve had no idea if Bucky was harmlessly flirting with him or if he actually was talking about his fridge or anything else he brought up.

“You wanna shower with me?”

Steve lowered his towel off his hair, raising his head curiously wondering if he heard right. Bucky only frowned, gesturing for Steve to follow him with the crook of his finger leading him past everything with his slight limp down a small hallway to a frosted glass door, opening it to reveal a very spacious bathroom and changing area. The shower in question was tiled with black slate rock walls and a dark floor, two shower heads at opposite sites and big enough to probably fit seven or eight of him comfortably.

Still, Bucky wasn’t offering to actually shower with him..was he?

He watched him step inside without waiting, turning the shower on and setting it to the temperature he liked ducking his head under the spray. He still had his trunks on which was good, Steve standing like an idiot at the doorway.

“Rogers, in or out? If you’re gonna wait, I want to get naked so please leave.”

Sighing heavily, not at all feeling like an awkward creepy guy, Steve nodded, “I’ll wait.”

He forced himself out, wrapping the towel around his wet boxers definitely deciding it was the best decision considering how many awkward moments Bucky had missed, he definitely didn’t want to keep trying to see if he was finally going to catch one.

Moving back to one of the lounge chairs, he rested his elbows on his thighs, burying his face in his hands with a loud groan.

Bucky strolled out not too long after, Steve looking up from the pinball game he was playing and almost immediately hated that he did, Bucky wearing a towel around his waist seemed oddly much much worse than swim trunks to his mind averting his eyes back to the game. 

“I’m finished if you wanna get in the shower, I’m heading upstairs to change, you need a change of clothes or just some new boxers?”

Hoping Bucky didn’t notice the color rising to his cheeks Steve shook his head, “I can wear my t-shirt if you got some sweatpants and a pair of underwear I could have.”

“Gotcha, I’ll be back.”

Steve took his own quick shower and got back to Bucky changed with sweats and a three pack of underwear held out for him giving him a shrug, “Take them all, not into tighty whiteys. You seem like you occasionally tolerate them.”

He wasn’t exactly sure how to respond to that so he decided not to, changing and coming back out to the lights dimmed down and Bucky on the couch watching cartoons. Steve crashed down beside him, shoulders colliding into his and Bucky made a small noise but only pointed to the tray on the coffee table holding a plate with a silver food cover over it; a knife and fork tucked in a maroon linen napkin and a glass of milk beside two large frosted brownie squares on a saucer.

“Imogen fixed you a plate before she went to bed. I guess likes you. I just stuck the plate in the microwave and got you some milk and dessert.” 

Steve glanced over in surprise, his stomach loudly reminding him of how hungry he was. He leaned over to lift the lid, putting it to the side. Roasted pork, macaroni and cheese, potatoes and some steamed vegetables. Immediately Steve’s mouth was watering, pulling the fork out and bringing the plate to his lap, “Can I live here?”

Bucky snorted, taking his eyes off the TV to look at him, “I always said you could. I’m not stopping you.”

He devoured the plate of food so fast he couldn’t believe he did it, expecting to wake up from some random dream where he actually hadn’t started to eat yet. He drank down his milk, patting his stomach as he slumped back on the couch with a pleased groan, “Now I want to marry her.”

“Tough luck, she’s mine.” He moved to lean against Steve and immediately the blond groaned out in pain, waving a hand at him.

“No Bucky, I can’t. I ate too much. Oh god I’m going to explode. It was so good though!”

Bucky raised his brows, straightening up, “You didn’t even eat the brownies though.”

Steve could only shake his head and make a soft uncomfortable noise, lifting his shirt to run a hand over his abs, “Too much..”

Laughing, Bucky forced him to turn around, “Here, come on. Lay down on the couch. I know you shouldn’t really do this or something but it will make you feel better.” He coaxed Steve to rest his head in his lap, patting his chest while Steve continued to rub his stomach with his hands.

“You need to slow down next time.” He cooed softly, his fingers brushing through his hair. 

Steve helplessly moaned, closing his eyes, “That, keep doing that. Please Buck.”

Sighing inwardly but smiling at him, Bucky did as requested, “Fucking brat.”

“Mhm.” His best friend agreed sleepily, his palm still rubbing his stomach but less than before keening to Bucky’s touch, making small, happy pleasurable noises.

Shaking his head, Bucky went back to focusing on the television lest he wanted Steve to feel something else uncomfortable, rolling his eyes to himself quietly cursing his best friend’s existence as he hit the back of his head against the couch.

 

Steve awoke to the scent of fresh washed sheets and a faint odor of chlorine lingering on their skin. He stretched slightly, breathing out a low sigh laid out on his back as he opened his eyes to the blue canopy covering the top of Bucky's four poster bed. He felt so warm and nestled under a thick feather down with Bucky pressed into his side, the brunette’s body curved into him with arms hugging his bicep and long legs wrapped around his leg. Bucky’s nose buried itself against his shoulder, fast asleep and Steve could only smile; his own hand molded over and gripped to Bucky’s thigh thumb lightly touching the material of his sweatpants.

A small sound escaped at the side of him, Bucky’s brows narrowing and stitching together in discontent, his scruff scratching through the t-shirt tickling Steve.

“You really hate being woken up don’t you?”

Bucky groused, making small annoyed noises as he shuffled beneath the blanket and under Steve’s arm tucking himself at his armpit settling in to go back to sleep.

Steve chuckled lightly, regret sinking into every bone in his body but he had already fixed everything with Sam, his arm lifting up to stroke Bucky’s hair, “Come on, I gotta get up, you got my thigh hostage.”

“S’warm. Keeping it.” He muttered back grumpily.

“Oh Bucky.. _Bucky please_. Sam’s gonna kill me.” Steve loved Bucky like this, adorable and grouchy but if he didn’t get moving Sam was going to call and give him an earful. 

Making a loud and very clearly irritated sound of disapproval, Bucky finally gave in, unhooking himself off Steve’s leg rolling away to sit up groggily. 

Steve pulled himself up, crawling over to sit beside him, “You can go back to sleep if you want, I can always let myself out.”

Bucky grunted softly, bowing his head, his upper body propped up by his hands pressed into the mattress. Steve leaned a little to rest his finger lightly at the cleft of his chin waiting for tired eyes to open and look back at him, “They’re blue today.”

“Hmn?”

“Your eyes. Sometimes they’re grey, sometimes blue, sometimes a mix. Always a different shade of one of them.”

Bucky tilted his head away to his other shoulder, laughing in embarrassment. He pushed himself off the bed, sauntering to the bathroom, “I’m gonna brush if you wanna change.”

In a matter of time, Steve was dressed and ready to go while Bucky waited for him in his sweats and ruffled hair, leaning against the door frame poking at his nails with a yawn.

“I told you that you didn’t have to walk me out. I’d be perfectly fine getting out through the front door.”

Bucky hummed softly, a small frown on his face looking away to open the door, “Not you I’m worried about, it’s the possible interception.”

Steve gave him a look but Bucky only glanced around then started down the stairs, gripping the railing firmly to keep the weight off his ankle, freshly bandaged. Steve followed after him, putting his arm out for Bucky to take it while they both moved to and out the front door.

Steve finally stopped at the path beginning to the side for the open car port, “Buck, I’m good here. Go back inside, you’re still limping a little.”

Bucky stared at him, pensive and quiet before he only nodded, lightly pressing his palm against Steve’s chest giving it a slight pat. He turned to go, Steve stopping him with a tug of his shirt, “Are you alright?”

An automatic smile crossed his friend’s features, nodding to him, “Yeah, breakfast is in about thirty so I’ll wait for that and get some work done. Tell Sam I said hi. Later Steve.”

Steve hesitated but watched him go turning back towards his bike ignoring the nagging sensation that chewed at him.

  
Bucky shuffled into his chair, a plate resting down before him with some toast, eggs, bacon and fruit. He poured himself a cup of coffee his mother to his side already almost finished as he popped a grape in his mouth.

“So, who were you sending off outside?”

“Just my friend Steve.” He swept his eyes over his plate, chewing on a strip of bacon. 

Winifred glanced over at him, setting her cup down, “Steve?”

He looked over, giving her a small nod before going back to his food, “Yeah Steve.”

“Have I met him?”

Bucky glanced at her eating a spoonful of oatmeal, contemplating for a moment before he shook his head, “He came to your charity gala instead of Natasha. Tall, blond, blue eyes.”

She nodded, “The artist. Yes, I recall him in the pictures.”

Bucky weighed in her words, sipping his black coffee with a small twinge of nervousness, a grimace crossed his features behind the cup wanting to add to the bitterness of it but decided against it. He watched her carefully but she said nothing else, reading a folded newspaper next to her bowl. 

Bucky swallowed the lump in his throat staring down at his food. Parts of him screamed to stop, studying the woman sitting to his right. He desperately wanted to say something, hesitating for a moment. He picked up his fork next to him, the weight heavy against his fingers, a small rush of air slipping from his lips. “You don’t mind if he drops by again?”

He glared at the fork, her eyes swept over the paper taking another spoonful of oatmeal, “If you want him to visit, I see no problem James.”

Bucky looked at her again shyly, timid furtive glances from his food to her face. “I’m asking because I, um..I like him.”

He swallowed, poking at his eggs over easy, watching the yolk break and pool slowly around his bacon, the sound of the clock ticking away in the background screaming in his ears.

“That’s nice James. It’s good to make new friends, you’re always good at that.”

Bucky pursed his lips, that dull throb in his head creeping in, “No, I mean. I really like him, mom.”

Winifred looked at him this time, sipping her coffee before acknowledging him, “James, this _phase_ you’re going through. I still don’t know about it Dear.”

Bucky sighed, disappointed at himself for thinking just maybe..a rumor of anger rising inside of him. “I’m not going through a phase. This is me. I like being with,” He searched for the words; men, guys, males. “ _Steve_. I like Steve.”

She looked at him and he couldn’t tell what she was thinking or if she was processing. A blush crossing his face, feeling stupid and embarrassed for even bringing it up to his own damn mother. 

“Perhaps you should ask that doctor of yours about it. See if she can do something, she charges enough for God knows what.”

Bucky audibly sighed, “She’s helping me, like you wanted her to. Wasn’t that the point? Or am I _too gay_ still for you? Isn’t that what you were saying on the phone last time? Dr. Potts is a good person, she’s actually making me feel better and wasn’t that what you wanted from all that mandatory visit crap? For me to talk it out and make sure I wasn’t insane because of one stupid thing I did?”

Raising her eyes to look at him straight on, Winifred frowned, tilting her head slightly, “I don’t know why you’re acting excitable and of course we didn’t send you to Dr. Potts to cure you of anything. It was all just to check up on you. If anything it’s those people you hang out with that affect you.”

Shaking his head in disbelief, Bucky straightened up slightly, “What are you talking about? They’re my friends, they all care about me, they don’t do anything you should feel affected by.”

A small contemptuous laugh escaped her, raising her eyes up as if she was sending a silent prayer and Bucky felt his skin prickle, his cheeks heating up, “ _Friends_. What’s that adopted one’s name, the blond that can barely string two sentences together? Barton? That child, bless his parents for ridding themselves of that mess. Natalia is good but you never know with those Russian girls, at least the Rushman’s gave her a better home. Most of those poor girls have to sell themselves you know? I always thought you both would get together but she decided to throw it all way with Clinton. Johnny, I don’t even know what both of you do half the time, I swear you two were born to embarrass his mother and I. And then,” 

She laughed harder, covering her mouth and Bucky could hear his pulse rising and beating hard in his ears, his hands curling around his plate trying to ground himself, anxiety filling him, “Then, there’s that mess of others especially that drugged addicted mess Brock Rumlow of all people- ”

Bucky stood abruptly, his movement so quick his chair collided hard into the antique china hutch behind him, eyes on fire. The rage took over, hands still gripping tightly to the plate in front of him and before Bucky had realized it, he lifted it up only to smash it and shatter it across the linen table cloth, the yellow flecks of warm yolk dripping down his hands. 

“Don’t you **_dare_** talk about Clint, Natasha, Brock or any of my other friends like that! Maybe you don't approve of them but they've always been there for me since neither you or dad can!” His voice came out so loud and angry, he barely recognized it.

Winifred sat back in her chair, staring at him with wide eyes, a hand on her chest in startled surprise. Charles moved close to Bucky, one soft hand on his shoulder, his other hand easing the broken fractured pieces from Bucky’s shaking hands, “Sir, you’re bleeding.”

Bucky released a rough, haggard breath, his eyes flickering from his mother, to Charles, to his hands. There was yolk but the warm wet feeling was blood, linen napkins pressed into his palms. 

Bucky glanced around the room, the angry disappointment ebbing away into avoidance, walls closing in and feeling suffocated. He wanted to leave now. He winced slightly at the stinging sensation from his palms, his father eyeing him from the corridor while Charles ushered him quickly out of the dining room and into the kitchen making him lean to support his ankle.

Bucky realized he was panting, quick short bursts of breath rushing out of him frantic to breathe, he was dying he felt like he was-

“Sir, _James_ , sit down.”

He felt a small hand of pressure against his shoulder, body moving to sit stiffly in a chair. His hands rested on his knees palms up, flecks of porcelain embedded in his skin.

“Oh Charles he’s bleeding! What happened? What did they do to him this time?”

“Shush Img."

Bucky stared off wide eyed at the white tiles, he recognized Imogen’s voice, short quick panting breaths continued coming forth. The older woman stood in his line of sight, soft blue eyes and greying brown hair wrapped in a tight bun gently stroked his cheek, turning it to let the cool skin press against his warm face.

“James dear, it’s Imogen come on honey, breathe slowly for me. You’re fine.”

Bucky shifted his gaze to stare into her eyes, trying to mimic her breathing, her hand lightly resting against his chest. “Good boy, just breathe slowly and you’ll be fine."

She straightened up, resting his head against her ribs, fingers stroking his hair. He felt his eyes close, moistened and damp lashes touching his skin lightly. His head was swimming and he felt disoriented but he was okay he was _fine_. No one came after them, no one cared if he was in a panic. It was all fake, it was all an act to get attention.

Why did he bother coming here?

He was so stupid, how could he think..?

This always happened.

_Quit fucking trying, Buck._

And yet he was always tearing open that stitch that kept his heart from bleeding. 

“Charles..” His voice croaked out, face pressing against cotton, fingers stroking his hair. His hands were still shaking, he concentrated on taking out his phone, sticky drying blood caked over his fingers, “Call Steve, please.”

He was so tired, feeling relieved when the phone left his hand.

Imogen walked away and quickly came back with a first aid kit and a wet washcloth, wiping down Bucky’s hands. “Now, let’s get you cleaned up huh Dear? At least the bleeding stopped, don’t move it around too much though.”

Bucky could only nod, his half lidded eyes trying to coerce him to lay down and take a small nap but he fought at it, he had to get out. It was never worth sticking around.

Charles listened to the phone ring, a firm thin line forming at his mouth as he waited for an answer. He almost hung up in dismay before he heard it click.

“Hey sorry Buck, was trying to juggle a ton of groceries and find my phone at the same time. I hope you like the fudge pudding because they didn’t have any regular chocolate ones. I looked all over, Sam even asked one of the managers because how do you run out of chocolate pudding cups exactly, but I guess double chocolate is better right? Anyway I- ”

“Master Rogers.”

There was a long delay of a pause before answered, the sound of his bags setting down somewhere, “Charles?”

“Yes, it’s Charles, Sir. Are you free? You need to come to the house and collect master Barnes. He’s had another..attack. He wants to leave, he requested I get into contact with you.”

Charles heard the bags but the sounds were frenzied and quick, his footsteps loud and soft urgent murmuring arose in the background. 

Steve also sounded panicked which only made the man grateful people cared. 

“Is he okay? How bad was it? Give me about twenty minutes I should be there, make sure you tell him twenty minutes, no more. Okay?”

“Yes Sir, twenty minutes. He is fine, he’s a little frazzled I’m afraid but fine. He will be better when he’s not here. Come to the side service door, he’s in the kitchen it will be easier to collect him.”

Sam looked over at him, already inside the vehicle and ready to get on the road, his features tight, “What happened?”

“I don’t know. Charles said Bucky had another attack, he said he was fine but he wanted to leave. Asked him to call me. I hope he’s okay. I hate this, he looked a little worried when I was leaving and this happened. Shit. Jesus I hope I didn’t break the eggs, I just..” Steve clutched his head trying to look past the back seats and to the trunk, agitated and looking out the window again.

A small smile appeared on Sam’s face, reaching over to pat his arm sliding his hand down to squeeze Steve’s, “Breathe Steven. Just breathe. Bucky’s fine. The eggs are fine. You need to relax, we’ll be there soon and you can get him. Easy.”

“Easy.” Steve echoed back softly.

 

Arriving at the gates, the guard nodded with a smile and let them in, Sam driving up the small hill with his shoulders hunched down to look hard through the windshield soaking up the sight of what he could see of the property. He let out a low impressed whistle when they arrived to the front, “He wants you to take him away from here?”

He only nodded to Sam, spying Bucky looking slightly shaken up and his hands bandaged. He wanted to know exactly what had happened but decided against it til they got in the car now more sure the faster he was out of there the better it was for everyone around.

Bucky took the glass of water warily, sitting outside at the side stoop despite Imogen’s protests. “I’m feeling better Imgy I am, trust me. I’m just tired and thank you."

“You’re lucky Steve is coming or I would tell you to lay down."

Bucky had almost forgotten about Steve and getting Charles to call him, his phone was placed back on the counter while Imogen fussed and Charles left to go clean up. No one else followed them and Bucky always felt bothered about it even though he should have known better. It still didn’t hurt any less feeling beaten down and disappointed.

Steve was coming and that really was all that mattered.

He turned his head to the soft roar of Sam’s SUV pulling up near the side entryway, Steve immediately getting out from the passenger side, his face covered in lines of worry and concern. He pulled an arm around Bucky and helped him to the car, the older woman held out his backpack as she trailed behind them grasping Bucky’s hand, “Make sure he gets rest.”

“Imogen really, I’m fine."

Steve smiled at the older woman when they got to the rear door, “I know how he is, I’ll make sure he’s okay ma’am.”

Imogen stared pensively at Steve before she reluctantly nodded letting Bucky’s hand go, Steve noticing how she watched after them climbing into the SUV. He took her hand instinctively and only looked at her, it startled her out of her locked gaze on Bucky and he gave her another smile, “Don’t worry, I got him.”

She eased her shoulders, her eyes full of worry but she quickly nodded to him, her other hand pressing into his before she drew back to allow them to leave.

Sam turned his head around, a light casual smile on his face but his eyes were looking him over, “Hey Bucky, how are you are you doing?"

Bucky nodded towards Sam, clearing his throat, a tight sensation burning in it, “Hey Sam. I’m alright. Sorry I stopped your shopping.”

“No believe me, thank you. Steve was kinda driving me crazy with his very specific shopping list.” Sam didn’t bother to mention it was all because of Bucky’s food preferences and making sure he picked up items Bucky loved. His eyes flickered over quickly to the bandages, flashing a bright smile at him before he turned back around and pulled out of the long drive occasionally glancing at the rearview mirror. 

“What happened Buck?” Steve cupped his hands together under Bucky’s, examining his bandaged palms. His mouth creased into a slightly angry frown, his thumbs brushing over the red specks of color against white seeping through faintly.

Bucky didn’t care, he didn’t wait for an opening from Steve, pulling their hands away to press into his body, resting his head on his shoulder and Steve immediately held him.

“I had a fight with my mom, it was stupid. I said things that I knew she didn’t care about, I just wanted her to hear me out but she never does. I guess I never learn and I got angry. Broke one of the plates, wasn’t paying attention and pieces cut my hand from holding them so hard. It was..stupid.” 

Everything tumbled out of his mouth before he even had the chance to process it all, his eyes staring off at the side of Steve’s head thinking about nothing.

Stroking his back, feeling Bucky’s tense posture loosen up and relax against him slowly, Steve shook his head, “I’m sure whatever you had to tell her wasn’t stupid, Bucky.”

Bucky pushed his face closer against his neck, nosing skin lightly, “It probably was. She thinks everything I say is.”

“Aw Buck, no. No.” 

He pulled Bucky away from him, cupping his hands at either side of his face making sure he was looking at him, “Listen to me. _Nothing_ you say is stupid. Everything has a meaning or a reason to why you said it. No one has the right to say that what you say is stupid; not me, not you, not your damn mother. Alright?”

Bucky only stared at him, Steve’s fingers had slid and gripped into his hair his eyes ablaze and determined to get his point across and Bucky could only look at him in awe.

“Does she talk down to you like that often?” Sam piped up, not looking at them, his eyes focused on the road ahead, snapping Bucky out of his fixated state.

“Yeah I guess, I don’t really..keep track.”

Sam didn’t press on but Steve caught the way his jaw clenched knowing he was suddenly very bothered by it.

Steve lightly patted Bucky’s hand and Bucky gingerly took it, burrowing his face almost completely against the crook of Steve’s neck feeling like absolute garbage, “I’m tired.”

“If you still feel it when we get home then you’re more than free to get some rest.”

Sam distinctly picked up on Steve referring to his apartment as _their_ home, he considered that it could be an overlooked placement of the word but he didn’t think it was. His eyes flicked up to the mirror when the light was red, Bucky snoozing away against Steve’s shoulder while his best friend stared pensively out the window his body language clear and it spoke volumes to Sam hoping to God Steve understood how complicated his life was going to become if he carried on projecting himself in every which way on how invested into Bucky he was. 

 

At the apartment, Bucky made a few attempts at helping but Sam stopped him, gesturing for Steve to take him to bed. He managed better on his own while they talked in the bedroom, a cautious gaze turning towards the soft whispered murmurs before he pulled everything out of their bags and he took a quick peek at the eggs to really make sure they weren’t broken. 

Bucky laid out curled up in a blanket while Steve sat before him, on leg up on the bed as he looked at his friend, lightly stroking his hair, “You want anything?”

He only shook his head, letting his eyes close. He just felt so drained and wanted to sleep, his head tilting to the sensation of Steve’s hand. 

They both listened to the television go on and Steve could only smile, continuing to soothe Bucky til he fell asleep. His phone went off on the night table and he answered it, “Hey Tony, what’s up?”

“What’s up? Steve did you forget you were meeting me for brunch? I thought you and Wilson were coming after getting groceries?”

Slapping a hand over his face, Steve shook his head completely forgetting about that, “Oh no Tony, no. No, I’m so sorry. We had to go pick Bucky up and I had completely forgotten, Sam probably thought I told you. I’m so sorry, give us about fifteen minutes and we’ll be there.”

“Barnes? What’s he got to do with it?”

Steve looked down at Bucky, who had turned his back to him as soon as the call started, lightly running a hand over his side, “He wasn’t feeling good, we picked him up and brought him back to my place.”

“Doesn’t he have his own place to stay?” He muttered out before sighing loudly, “Okay, okay fifteen minutes. See you two then.”

Steve hung up, adding a slight more pressure to Bucky’s side rubbing gently, “I have to go see Tony, you going to be alright here?”

“Yeah.” 

He tilted his head curiously to the way Bucky sounded, tinny and low, “Do you want me to stay? Sam can always go meet up with him without me.”

Bucky only shook his head, burying his head under the blanket.

“Alright,” He pulled himself off the bed, “Well I should be back in a little bit.”

Bucky didn’t bother answering, Steve looking at him one last time before leaving the bedroom letting Sam know about the change of plans.

  


Sam smiled to himself, dressed in a soft white and blue checked button down and beige dress pants. He dropped his empty coffee cup into the waste bin and gave Maddy from accounts a small wave before making his way down the hall and out the clear glass sliding doors. He checked his phone one last time, sending out a text to one of his cooking class students that yes indeed class had been canceled today as was shown in their course itinerary so the wide world of pork would be waiting for another week.

The sun was out bright and high overhead, pausing around the neat trimmed garden in the front of the VA building to soak it all in and just enjoy how good everything was going. 

He barely noticed a hooded figure approach him from his blind spot at his right all in black, his head ducked down and away, built broad and tall, “Sam Wilson?”

“Yes?” 

It was so automatic and Sam should have probably been more worried about hooded figures in warm weather more than he was yet working with veterans with PTSD and other ailments kind of gave him a lazy sense of security that was probably very foolish of him, like right now.

Another figure flanked him from his left side, this man was shorter pointing a gun in his face, his shoulders up and tense looking like he was ready for a fight. Where the taller one was calm and comfortable, a little soft spoken, this one was all volatile energy and he was holding a _gun_ for Godssakes!

“Get down on your fucking knees! Hands behind your head, Now!”

“W-what?!” 

Sam felt a hand roughly shove him down, handcuffs being passed in front of him, he tried to see the face of either male figure, a squeal of tires from a car pulling out in front of him. A third guy?

“Shut the fuck up!” The excitable one yelled, pressing the barrel of the gun against his temple a little too hard and Sam pushed his lips together, adrenaline pumping through him and the thoughts of his day raced through him trying to figure out what he did, was someone upset that he spoke to today? Did he piss off someone on the way to the VA? Did he cross someone somehow? Someone from school maybe? What was this? Why didn’t anyone help?!

His brain screamed that it was indeed real and his stomach dropped, feeling like he was about to lose everything he ate throughout the day and then some. Sweat pooling at his forehead, his heart racing.

“Look if you guys want my wallet, it’s-it’s in my back pocket, just take it, there’s cards and I can give you my pin. Please!"

He looked up, handcuffs secured around his wrists and the taller man now stripping off a length of duct table, pressing it firmly over his mouth. He tried to identify their faces but under their sweater hoods they were wearing face masks. A black hood was pulled over his head and he was yanked back to his feet. He could hear doors opening and his body being shoved into the back seat sandwiched between his two kidnappers.

The gun tapped his skull playfully, “Don’t even try nothin’ just enjoy the ride and it’ll be all over soon.”

Scenarios and situations raced through Sam’s mind as he sat in the darkness trying to figure out just who he pissed off. He would have assumed it was a case of mistaken identity but they asked him by name but there were so many Sam Wilson’s what if it was mistaken identity. Oh god he was going to die for some other Sam Wilson?

_Fuck you other Sam Wilson!_

The car screamed off out of the parking lot and they were on the road to Sam had no idea where. There were too many turns and loud music playing, some death metal band he couldn’t identify even if he wanted to. He tried to strain his hearing for a train or anything, maybe he could identify as to where he was being taken. He hoped they would forget his cell so he could wiggle it into dialing but then Sam had it locked so unless he could enter the pin with his ass he was shit outta luck. 

The ride was at least thirty to forty minutes give or take, he had lost count a long time ago but he had this feeling with the gauge in time. Not that it mattered, he was being kidnapped by some enforcers or _something_ and he was going to die because of a different Sam Wilson, his arms felt like they were burning out of his sockets still handcuffed and the tape was tugging away at his faint scruff.

He froze when the car came to a full stop and the engine was cut, his head tilted up to the sound of both the doors opening and what felt like a gym bag hitting his lap with a heavy thud. Hands grabbed a handful of the fabric on his black hood and yanked it off. Daylight burned into his eyes, squinting quickly and trying to blink out of his blurry unfocused state, the apparent driver holding up the hood and staring at him. His face was a complete blob and it was slowly sinking in that there were people, more people, bodies stooped over, sticking their heads through the windows to look at _him_.

Sam blinked a few more times in a daze turning back to the driver and suddenly the tape was ripped off and he let out an angry shout, finally seeing Bucky smirking at him.

“What the heck! Bucky! What’s going- ”

Sam looked, this time he really looked. Natasha peeking in from the right side door with a smile, Clint from Bucky’s window, Tony was half in the passenger seat with a grin. His ‘kidnappers’ were familiar but he couldn’t tell..he froze, eyeing the shorter one out of the two, “Wait, you’re..”

“Brock Rumlow. Nice seeing you again Wilson.” Brock put his handgun on his thigh with a sneer and a hand out, Sam took it in confusion and shook it with a slow sinking wary feeling before his mind finally put two and two together and his mouth opened slowly in realization.

“There it is.” Bucky let out, smiling at him. 

“Happy belated birthday Sam!” They all yelled out and Sam closed his eyes to the sound for a second, letting out a nervous laugh, “Wow you guys, wow..you all kidnapped me. That’s a crazy first. Especially since my birthday was about three weeks ago.”

Bucky laughed, “Yeah, tell Steve that. I didn’t know about it til last week and he told me you and him did something quiet. So, I decided you needed a night out with friends."

Brock grinned, lightly reaching across Sam to hit Jack on the chest, “Our job here is done.”

Sam’s eyes widened, “I’m really glad I didn’t crap my pants now. Rumlow, how are you doing? I knew you looked familiar when I saw you at the gym.” He turned his head to his other side, “Rollins right?”

Jack nodded with a flit of his brows, giving him a casual quiet smile back.

Rumlow grinned, “I work there, in the ring. Teaching people how to box and shit like that. You should come visit, I’ll give you some free lessons.”

“Wow, just..wow.” Sam let out in disbelief, everything slowly sank in and came together. 

This was the alpha Steve was going on about that was giving him dirty looks, this was Bucky’s guard dog? The guy he played football with and he didn’t even recognize him, he had changed and he was right under their noses for a long while. Sam shoulda taken up boxing a while ago, this would have been funny if he wasn’t trying to process everything at once. He suddenly felt really sorry for Steve, Rumlow was a badass and didn’t care about how other people felt about it. He wondered if Steve knew, if he even remembered their old teammate. 

Wait.

Where _was_ Steve?

The handgun, wait.

“Is that gun loaded?”

Bucky laughed, everyone kind of laughed, Sam was so confused.

“Nah, I took the bullets out before we picked you up.” Brock showed him and he nodded back.

“So where’s Steve?”

“He’s inside getting everything ready with Banner and Rhodey. Did they rough you up a little too much Wilson, you look a little banged up.” Tony said with a smile, lowering his shades.

Sam smiled back, shaking his head. He turned his head to the building, seeing the sign for Romano’s staring back at him at the curbside. “No, nothing like that. I just realized some stuff and it was all sinking it. Guys! Thank you, I think. I’m just in absolute shock.”

Natasha smiled gently at him leaning in over Tony to pat the bag in his lap and a black garment bag in her other hand, “Well, Steve packed you two changes of clothes, so you probably should duck into a bathroom as soon as we get inside. The casual outfit is for later with a back up just in case.”

Sam finally relaxed, nodding and looking at everyone individually with a still very surprised but excited grin, “You’re all crazy. Let’s get out of this car and start the festivities, shall we?”

They all agreed, milling out on the curb, Sam turning to look back at the Impala, letting out a low whistle, “Who’s sexy ride?”

Brock gave Bucky a hug, turning to head to the car then back at Sam tilting his head with a proud grin, “She’s mine. Anyway, we have to get going. Enjoy your birthday.” 

Sam gave him warm smile, “You’re more than welcome to join us if you like, the more the merrier.”

Rumlow smirked, “Thanks but me and Jackie got plans. Chat with me at the gym, see you all later.”

Sam nodded, watching him and Rollins climb in and drive off, admiring the car til he couldn’t see it anymore. He turned back and finally got to look over at everyone all dressed in semi casual suits or outfits relating to it except of course Natasha looking very beautiful in a strapless deep purple body hugging dress that had a corset top with a lace overlay.

“Natasha, I know you’re always looking beautiful but that dress. Really nice.”

She beamed, leaning up in black heels to kiss his cheek, “Thank you Sam, all for you.”

He smiled shyly following after the group, everyone dispersed when they entered the busy restaurant and Sam quickly ducked himself into the bathroom to see what Steve had packed for him. He unzipped the bag to reveal a textured black suit that glinted slightly with the overhead lighting. A simple black v-neck underneath it. It was casual but sharp, perfect for their semi casual private dinner. 

Quickly changing into his outfit, he checked himself out in the mirror and stepped out, Natasha waiting for him with a soft smile.

“M’lady.” He let out with a playful bow of his head, bending his arm out so she could take it. 

“M’lord.” She playfully chimed out in return, doing a quick curtsy before taking his arm and showing him the way to the back where there was a door that was marked private. 

Natasha took a step up ahead of him to open up the room and let him walk in, the group standing around a small dining room over decorated with colorful balloons. Red, purple and white streamers hung off antique chandeliers and wall mounted light fixtures with a metallic rainbow banner against the back wall in bubble letters read out ‘Happy Birthday Sam!’, confetti all over the place and everyone was wearing child sized birthday hats and holding noise makers.

They all looked like crazy people.

“Happy twenty second birthday Sam!”

He winced for a second at the loud tooting of horns and confetti poppers going off around him.

“Wow I must be on some really good drugs. This is like some twisted kids party.”

Steve stepped forward in a snug blue and purple colored button down and white shirt, a black suit jacket and pants completing his outfit. He threw his arms around Sam to give him a hug, laughing softly, “Okay so that was all my fault. I went to a party store and wanted to grab a couple quick things but about half way through I decided to just have fun and make it horribly awful. We’re in a really nice restaurant all thanks to Bucky, got a private room and I figured you work all day with your internship and you go to school. You want to eat a nice serious meal but we all know you’re also a joker and you love to have a little fun so I brought it together.”

Sam pressed an arm around Steve, looking around the room again, “You know, it’s growing on me. I’m still young, we can’t be having mundane parties until at least our forties. Now someone pour me that wine over there.”

Everyone laughed, clapping their hands to start off their little dinner party. 

Tony approached with James and Bruce at his sides, drinks already in hand. He put his hand out, dressed in a steel grey suit and red shirt, the pairing matched nicely with same colored sneakers because of course only Tony wore sneakers with perfectly tailored suits and Sam thought it was the greatest thing ever. Rhodey stood beside him in a similarly colored vest as his best friend’s suit worn over a white shirt and black dress pants. Bruce dressed up but only to the tone he was comfortable with, throwing on a dark purple almost black sports jacket over a grey shirt and black trousers, his hair slightly rumpled but he smiled politely and Sam was just glad to see him attend enjoying his calm attitude with everything.

“Well look at you three looking sharp!" Sam shook Tony’s hand with a smile, Rhodes throwing an arm across his shoulders. 

“Wilson, may your birthdays always be blessed with me in them.”

James rolled his eyes at Tony, giving Sam a light pat on his shoulder, “Hey enjoy yourself tonight. It may be a little belated but let’s all have some fun with it.”

A chuckle escaped the brunette, “Much obliged guys, it means a lot to me that you three could make it out. I know how you all are really busy with work most of the time so really with all my heart, thank you for celebrating my birthday with me.”

Tony let out a soft sad whimper, pressing a hand on his chest with his other arm propped on Bruce’s shoulder, “He’s going to make me cry.”

Making a loud annoyed sigh with a smile, Rhodey led Tony’s dramatics away to let others talk to Sam, Bruce taking his chance to shake his friend’s hand, “Happy birthday Sam.”

“Thank you Bruce, enjoy yourself alright?”

The brunette gave him a wider smile, following after the other two.

Bucky dressed himself in a white v-neck and black dress pants, a black sport coat seemed to fit his shoulders over it all but was a little too big for his waist. It was closed together by only one of two buttons at his lower torso, the flash of a silver buckle from his belt occasionally showed itself when he sunk his hands into his pants pockets approaching Sam with a grin finally drawing a hand out, “Happy belated birthday Sam.”

The smile on Sam’s face only broke out into a wide grin bypassing the handshake and pulling Bucky into a tight hug, “Thanks for scaring the life out of me back there and to have a meal here, I’ve always wanted to but never thought I would, especially when Steve was going on and on about you taking him here.”

Tony had only stepped away a little from Bucky and Sam, perched beside Bruce, folding an arm over his chest he rested his other elbow against it the backs of his fingers lightly stroking his goatee listening quietly, his eyes looking over to the rest of the party.

“We had nothing to do, so I took him out. He was dressed to go out and I knew he wanted to come here. Enjoy yourself Wilson, you wanna try the whole menu? Do it. Anything goes so don’t miss the moment, anything Sam. I got you covered.”

Sam laughed, throwing an arm around Bucky’s shoulders watching Steve come back with glasses of champagne, “Bucky, you’re too much. I _wish_ I could eat the entire menu tonight. I see why you keep him around Steve, I really do. He spoils you.”

“He does not.” Steve shot back, handing out the glasses with a small childish frown on his face.

“I really don’t.”

“He says with full knowledge that he just purchased a three hundred dollar monogrammed messenger bag for his best friend. Sure Barnes.”

Bucky rolled his eyes, giving Steve a look and Steve could only shrug helplessly, “What? He saw it and asked! What was I going to say? No I found it at a thrift store for five bucks?”

All three of them laughed, Sam holding his side, “That would have been a great story!”

 

Bucky called over one of the servers while another served coffee, whispering in her ear. Quickly she nodded to him and ran off, Sam watching while he pretending he was distracted with his glass of wine. Steve got the signal and nodded to Nat and it passed through the rest of them, a smile not helping itself to stay hidden, “Cake time?”

Laughing, Steve slapped his best friend on the shoulder, “Yes, cake time.” 

Everyone got out of their seats to gather together, another server coming in to finish clearing out whatever dishes hadn’t been taken away yet. Cellphones came out to film as a large round tiramisu cake lit with a single candle entered the room with their waitress and the group began singing happy birthday a little too enthusiastically and a little too loudly no thanks to the free flowing alcohol while they ate. 

“Make a wish!” Natasha reminded him with a prod of her elbow, filming his grinning face flashing a toothy smile at her phone before leaning forward to blow out the flame. A ruckus of claps and cheers rang out with the noisemakers, hands patting Sam’s shoulders and back. 

“Presents!”

Sam looked up from his seat at Steve, “What, now?”

“You’re going to be too drunk later, yes now.” Bucky explained.

Nodding to logic Sam shrugged, “Yeah, I’m already feeling the buzz.”

Bruce gingerly pulled the cake away, a server taking it to cut up while Tony came over with a box the size for a pair of shoes, “This is from Banner, Rhodey and I. Enjoy it Wilson and before you open it, don’t complain.”

Immediately a frown graced Sam’s features, a brow suspiciously raised. The warning generally meant Sam was about to feel bad for accepting a gift he didn’t think he deserved and as soon as he tore open the glittery red and gold wrapping paper to reveal a black box with an intricate clasp that looked like a safe he had a feeling it was true. Setting the box on the table, he pressed the small gold button to hear a small click, the top popping open to reveal a neat display case for a watch and extra time bands as well as neatly tucked away paperwork, a company pen that said Omega and some watch tools.

“Am I looking at what I think I’m looking at?” He stared at the black clock face staring back at him, steel casing protecting it as it sat pristine and new for him. His mouth suddenly felt dry, his throat scratchy and tight.

Tony grinned, slapping his back to jostle him a little, “Of course! It’s _time_ for you to get a better watch than that digital one you wear Wilson, gotta have a little style.”

Steve groaned audibly at the pun.

Sam was in complete shock, Steve leaning in to get a better look at the watch face, “Wow, it’s beautiful Sam.”

A smile forced out of him but he really felt unworthy of such an expensive gift, looking at Tony, James and Bruce with shimmery eyes, “You guys are really killing me here, you know that?”

He pulled himself up from the table to give them all tight happy hugs, a server coming in with plates of cake they set to a side table beside coffee and champagne. He quickly swiped a hand over his eyes, Natasha cooing softly beside him, giving his back a light rub. 

“This is from Clint and I, happy birthday Sam.” She leaned up on her toes, planting a soft kiss on his cheek and Sam turned to hug her tightly. He looked over at Clint shoveling down a slice of cake with Bucky and gestured for him to come over and give him a hug. He opened the envelope Natasha presented, revealing a gift certificate to his favorite comic book shop. 

He looked up at the pair of them with furrowed brows, “How did you guys know?”

Natasha smiled, “We have our ways, plus Steve kinda tuned us in. I would have bought issues and figures you wanted but hadn’t been in your place yet to get a better idea. Sorry about that.”

Sam grinned wide, “This weekend, I can show you my whole collection and maybe all three of us can hit the store together.”

Clint grinned, “I’m all over that. I could get some comics too.”

“Sam, have some of your cake.” Rhodey let out, handing him over a small saucer and a fork. 

Bucky smiled at him, waiting for Sam’s reaction to the dessert, “Like it?”

The brunette glared at him, pressing a hand to his chest after he took a bite, “ _Love_ isn’t a strong enough word for this. Don’t tell me you made it.”

“Me?” He scoffed, “No, not me. Brock suggested a place he sometimes goes to, a mom and pop place over in Bayside he would kill for.”

Sam collapsed dramatically against his arm, “Tell that man thank you. I want the address before you leave tonight.”

Bucky chuckled, “Deal. Oh and,” He retrieved a business card with a handwritten phone number on the back from his pants pocket, “Give him a call, whenever you’re free you guys can schedule a personal master class.”

Confused, Sam’s face went through an array of emotions and thoughts. Bucky could only stare at him patiently, savoring a second slice of tiramisu while he waited.

“Okay, wait. You don’t owe me a gift, you got in here inside Romano’s. Plus the after party and whoever is on this card, I just can’t- ”

Sam glanced at the front of the card, pausing for a second, “Whoa, whoa. _The_ Jacques Vrinat? Bucky, he’s a two star Michelin chef, what..he’s like food royalty. No, no I can’t accept this card. How did you- I can’t even talk anymore..Oh man..”

Bucky raised a hand, “Okay, first you need to chill out. Secondly he said he would be happy to offer you a one on one lesson, he’s a family friend it was easy, trust me. When I was younger I peed in his fish pond, he still tells people this while I’m standing right there so he owes me for the embarrassment.”

Sam could only stare at him in disbelief, Bucky giving him a tiny smirk, taking the card and tucking it into his pocket, “You’re welcome, just don’t keep him waiting okay?”

Sam nodded again, lost completely and feeling the sweat collecting on his face in nervousness and Bucky could only laugh at him.

“I know I need to hug the crap out of you and probably promise you my first born Barnes but right now I can’t believe what you just told me.”

“I don’t expect a thank you, enjoy it.”

Steve approached, a tiny curious smile as he looked at Sam’s flustered face, “You killed him Buck.”

Bucky drank down his champagne, “Apparently I did.” 

He turned to look at Steve, ducking his head away when their eyes met turning back to the table to pick up his half eaten cake slice. Steve gazed back at him, stepping up to the table beside him before he threw his arm around Bucky’s shoulders, shaking him playfully with a chuckle, “Thanks for arranging all this Bucky. You really made Sam’s birthday amazing.”

“It was my pleasure Rogers, I like Sam. I wanted him to really enjoy it. I would have planned something earlier if you had told me that his actual birthday was about three weeks ago.” 

Steve groaned, “I’m sorry, we always did a quiet evening. He usually says he doesn’t want anything, he just wants to relax so that’s what we always do. Really if I had known a kidnapping was right up his alley I would have told you sooner. It was a crazy idea too, I loved it.”

Bucky bowed his head away shyly, setting his plate down on the table feeling Steve affectionately bump his temple to his before letting go to check on Sam again.

Tony watched quietly, his mind battling back and forth over the rationality behind Steve’s comfort level around Bucky. His memory cataloged their little nudges and prods at each other over dinner, the way they caught each other in glances and when they didn’t. It made him maybe a little more than concerned and definitely a little jealous. Still thinking about what exactly he should fully do about it.

Steve grabbed a canvas draped in a sheet, coming up behind Sam and holding it out for him, “Here, happy birthday Sam.”

Sam furrowed his brows, setting aside the piece of cake he was given to take the painting and hold it up on the table, moving the sheet off. Steve had recreated a picture they had taken together on a hiking trip, both of them standing with bright smiles, arm in arm at a cliffs edge with a lake and an expansive forest as their backdrop with the sun high in the sky.

“I remember you said you wish you had more than just cell pictures, so I hope this is good enough.” Steve let out quietly, a soft shy smile on his face as he stared at the painting and then his friend.

Sam was in awe, his eyes looking over the piece over and over again, remembering the way everything had looked just like when he was there in person. Tears clung to his eyes before a couple fell feeling like he was the luckiest man in the world. 

“Steve. I just, I don’t know what to say..”

Steve peered at him nervously, feeling unsure. The rest of the party quieted down, watching Sam’s emotional reaction, “Do you..like it?”

A strangled laugh managed to escape from the brunette, Natasha gently easing the painting from him so he could throw his arms around Steve and hug him tightly, “Like it? I love it Steve. I love it, and I love you. Thank you for being everything I need in a best friend.”

A chorus of ‘ _Aww’s_ ’ broke out and Clint threw his hands up, “Group hug!”

The rush of bodies closing in almost knocked the wind out of Sam but all he could do was smile wider waving his arms out to wrap around as many as he could in the huddled mass of eight. There were so many birthdays he could recall that he thought were great but this one was so very special because of the people he cared about already present and so were people he wanted to welcome and hoped would stick around for his next birthday too and for the rest of his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bucky was singing Maps by Yeah yeah yeahs.
> 
> Levka - Lion  
> Vreau sa te sarut - I want to kiss you


	12. It's okay.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam's birthday moves on to the after party, an argument pushes Steve a few steps back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Chapter 12 pic/gif](http://kalika999.tumblr.com/post/141415874130/hunger-of-the-pine-chapter-12-sams-birthday)
> 
> Sorry for the delay, I can't write smut D:
> 
> Warnings:  
> \- Winterstorm (Bucky x Johnny) smut. -If you would like to skip it, it's near the end when only they're around talking to each other, it ends at the next scene change when Bucky wakes up.-  
> Now, I've never actually written full smut sooo. Yeah. I'm more of a feels person than a describing sexy times person so I am truly sorry for it if you're a fan of this pairing. XD  
> \- Steve being a big romantic dope.  
> \- Ex-boyfriends being jerkasses.  
> \- Bucky and Steve being cute and gross.  
> \- Nerds singing badly to Imagine Dragon's Radioactive.

**Mid October, 2015**  
  
  


The club was packed but Bucky managed to get a VIP area reserved for the fifteen or so of them that also included a few of Sam’s other friends and some guys from his internship. 

Tony drummed his fingers across the table until Bruce sighed, though Tony only assumed he did with all the loud music, he didn’t exactly _hear_ him, “Where the hell are the drinks?"

They were hitting a round in the double digits, most of the group drunk by then, Sam letting off strings of unintelligible conversation at times with Barton in tow. Steve offered to get up and grab the next round at the bar, their tab running under Bucky's name but table service began to lag once the clock hit around midnight and the group found it was easier to fight through and tray in their own drinks instead directly from the source.

“Finish the drink you have then complain.” James retorted, nudging his beer bottle at the glass in front of his friend.

Tony scowled, “If they take any longer I won’t have something backed up and that would be a complete crisis Rhodes.”

He already felt the glare before he looked over with a wide smile, “Let’s go get the round ourselves.”

James followed his best friend begrudgingly, making it towards the bar not too far away but the crowd around it was thick, a mild irritation growing in him, “Tony, if they were taking a little while how are we going to get the stuff before them?”

The pair of them stood behind a group that seemed to be in a line Tony finally spying Steve’s blond hair through the crowd near the front and to the side a little, Bucky beside him talking to the bartender who was nodding away and opening the tops of beers for them. The tender held up two vodka bottles and Bucky pointed at the second one with a grin watching the man mix a drink. 

Steve gazed at him for a moment before lightly jabbing his cheek, Bucky slapping his hand away with a small smile, holding Steve’s fingers away from him. Steve only smirked back, poking his nose with his other hand and Bucky faked an attempt to bite at them. The bartender set a couple of martini’s on the tray and then quickly mixed together a few double shots over ice. Bucky pointed out a bottle behind him, Steve looking up at where he pointed, draping an arm around Bucky’s shoulders, the blond leaning in to whisper something in his ear before the man returned with a bottle setting it on the tray with the rest of the drinks with Bucky’s approval. 

James nudged Tony back to attention, “What are you looking at?”

Flustered, the brunette shook his head, “Nothing, there’s Steve.”

“It doesn’t look like nothing.” Rhodey muttered out but followed after him to intercept Steve and Bucky coming back their way. 

“Hey Tony! Rhodey!” Steve beamed, holding the tray gleefully, Bucky smiling casually at both of them with his hands shoved in his pockets.

A grin spread over Tony’s features, an ease spreading over him, feeling calm again. “Hey Babe, thought we would come by and see what was taking so long!”

“My fault entirely!” Bucky shot back over the music, pointing for them to start moving back to the table. 

 

Johnny came out from nowhere, he looked over at Natasha sitting to side, stopping to give her a kiss on the check. 

“Hey Steve!" Steve’s head snapped up from his drink, giving an absent automatic wave that didn’t completely register everything til he saw a dark smirk on his face and his eyes set on Bucky. Bucky looked over from talking with Clint, giving him a smile. 

Johnny turned his full attention to Sam, throwing his hands out at him, “You’re Sam right?”

Sam looked up, eyes bleary and a little more than drunk he slowly nodded, getting up with a little bit of effort putting his hands up welcoming a stranger’s hug.

The grin brightened on Johnny’s face, “I’m Johnny Storm, a friend of Bucky’s. I just wanted to come by and say happy birthday!”

Sam’s features suddenly brightened and he practically fell into the brunette’s arms, “Any friend..hic..of Bucky’s is a friend of mine! I love you..Johnny Flapjacks.”

Clint laughed, face sweaty and red, slapping a hand on the table, some of the glasses dancing against the surface, “It’s Storm Sam, Storm! Wait..oh God! Johnny change it to Flapjacks now. Come on maannn.”

Johnny could only laugh harder, patting Sam on the back helping him sit back down in his seat, “Maybe for you Clint.”

“Good man, Bucky he’s a g-good guy, very good, awesome even. He’s my Johnny Flapjacks now.” Clint sputtered out as he leaned against Sam, gesturing finger guns and slightly off putting winks from both of them towards Bucky and Johnny, giggling away with Sam.

Steve would have laughed except for the fact that the pair of them were unashamedly encouraging Bucky and Johnny which only caused him to feel annoyed.

Johnny turned towards Bucky, wiggling his brows at him, tugging him out of his chair and Bucky followed with no arguments, beer in hand.

“James!” Natasha started but he turned to her with a smile, giving her a nod.

“Ankle, I won’t overdo it, promise. I’ll step on Storm’s foot if I need to.”

Johnny dropped his head back and laughed, pulling the brunette along.

A jealous scowl pressed into Steve’s features almost immediately watching Johnny move his shoulders with the music, grinning at Bucky giving him his complete attention and Bucky just looked at him in amusement. 

Natasha lightly nudged him, her eyes not leaving the crowd of people dancing, especially not away from the two newcomers to the floor, “Rogers, your green is showing.”

Steve whined inwardly, the music too loud for anyone to hear.

“I’m not jealous but exactly what does Bucky see in him again?”

Natasha sipped at her martini, emerald eyes looking over at him, “That’s the point. He doesn’t. You see an obnoxious person putting his hands all over James. All James sees is someone that he doesn’t have to put up a front for. Johnny is happy being Johnny, he doesn’t judge or care as long as everything is fun. You’re looking at him like a threat and not like a person that just puts him at ease.”

“I’m pretty sure I put him at ease.” He griped, drinking down the last of his beer.

Nat smirked, “Get back to me when he’s putting his dick in you then we’ll talk.”

Steve choked, his eyes bulging out abruptly, coughing beer up all over himself and down the front of his clothing. Clint practically fell out from his chair to avoid the projection, a couple of others shifting their chairs away from him. He turned to see Natasha laughing at him, holding out a handful of napkins with a not so apologetic face and Steve could only ignore everything and clean himself off. 

Tony came back with an armful of beers, setting them all on the table with a wide smile. He gaze shifted to the front of Steve’s shirt with a raised brow, “Problem?”

Huffing in annoyance Steve shook his head, patting down as much of the alcohol as he could. “Nat was telling me a joke, caught me completely off guard.”

Tony laughed, putting his hand out for Natasha, “I always love a lady with a sense of humor. Care to dance?”

“Why not?” A large smile graced her face batting her lashes at him jokingly.

“I love this song!"

Bucky mouthed the first couple of words, pulling Johnny into him throwing his arm around his neck. He closed his eyes singing the lyrics outright, loud and not giving a care in the world, holding up his beer in the air. He moved to the beat feeling hands resting against his hips and quickly enough Johnny’s own voice joined his and Bucky opened his eyes in surprise, staring into blues. He smiled goofily while he bobbed his head lightly and Johnny grinned leaning to bump noses with Bucky still singing away, swaying to the music before he playfully twirled him around and dipped him for the fun of it. He pulled Bucky upright and crushed him into his chest and they both laughed at each other.

The arm holding his beer dropped to his side, Bucky’s other arm snaking tighter around Johnny’s neck to bring his face close and kiss him deeply, tongue invading his mouth only tasting tequila and the faint smell of limes. Johnny pressed closer, his hand molding to the small of Bucky’s back to keep him firmly to him. Steve watched, distracted and barely realizing someone had been talking to him. 

“What?” He turned his head to look at Sam draping over him completely drunk and shit faced, his hands gripping at Steve’s arms and laughing about absolutely nothing. 

“S-Steve you need to..oh-thank you this is a great, Steve! Great great _greeaaatt_ party I love you man. Bucky too, where’s Bucky that guy..he’s so. Steve, Steve! Bucky’s such a good. Great birthday..I think..I’m a little drunk..I love you Steve. I love you but..” 

Sam raked a hand over his face giving his head a small shake as if he was in an internal battle with himself to sober up, drinking down more beer and Steve couldn’t help but laugh fondly at him.

“Okay..okay now. You have horrible.. Just go for it! Do what..wanna do my friend.”

Sam pulled himself off his best friend, turning to the rest of the crowd at the table throwing his arms open, “Guys I love every one of you! This is the best..new years ever! Birthday, my birthday! To my birthday, that’s meee Sam Willlsoonnn!”

Clint came over and hugged Sam hard, “We love you too Sam!”

Steve wasn’t sure if Sam was crying or not, he looked like he was in Clint’s arms. Everyone else cheered and took a drink to the improvised toast, himself taking a sip from his new bottle of beer. 

He turned to look back towards the dancers, Natasha and Tony smiling to each other, his boyfriend giving her all the attention gesturing a bit at what he assumed was how amazing she was at dancing and he had to admit, she was. A small crowd of people dancing around her and Tony while he pulled back a little in distance and raised her arm in the air to show her off and encourage a bit more, not that she really needed it. Steve smiled, leaning back in his seat, pleased with the outcome besides the fact he stunk like beer now, his eyes roamed back to Bucky..except there was no more Bucky.

Johnny was dancing with some friends and he saw some of Sam’s other friends dancing it up by Natasha and Tony as well as Clint shouldering a very unstable Sam to the dance floor to some hearty cheers. James and Bruce following close behind, James more so trying to push Bruce to the dance floor while the brunette awkwardly made helpless hand gestures. 

Where was Bucky? 

He took a few sparse minutes to finally find him down by the jammed bar sitting on one of the stools and waving his hands around expressively to some girl propped up against the bar beside him, smiling away. She was equally into the conversation and making her own grand gestures, part of Steve was curious to be on a fly on the wall of that conversation but Natasha and Tony eventually came back to the table and he looked to them instead.

“Did you guys have fun?”

Tony grinned, “The greatest. I didn’t know you could dance so well Romanoff, we should do it again.”

Natasha raised her glass at him with a short nod and a smile before taking a sip, “Anytime you like Tony.”

A happy smile crossed Steve’s face, his eyes returning back towards the bar and he saw Bucky was there but the girl was gone. Instead someone else was there, talking close to him with a hand pressed around Bucky’s forearm. Tall and lean in a red checkered shirt and dark skinny blue jeans folded at the ends over black sneakers with dark hair, he was gazing into Bucky’s eyes with some weird degree of intensity as they spoke back and forth. Bucky seemed tense but otherwise he seemed to be alright. Steve kept an eye in that direction his body turning to the sound of his boyfriend cursing out beside him.

Tony stood up, Bruce following suit, grabbing his jacket off his chair, pulling it on. Steve turned entirely to look up at them dumbfounded, immediately getting up himself. The rest of the group still at the table all glancing up at them, “Where are you going?”

Holding up his phone Tony could only shrug helplessly, “I gotta go, our team messaged us, said it’s an emergency.” 

Turning to Sam he waved at him and then to everyone else, “Great party! Happy birthday again Wilson!”

Sam looked up with glassy eyes and a grin, waving at him a little too drunkenly, “You too happy birthday Tony! I mean..thanks for coming out!”

Steve frowned, following after Tony, stopping him outside, “Seriously? You can’t hang around for even my best friend’s birthday? Is work that important to you that you can’t just sit still for a couple more hours with us and have some fun? Or are you off to do something else and just use that as a cover.”

Tony frowned, “Don’t be irrational. Of course I’m going back to the tower, that’s my job. It doesn’t stop for Sam’s party, it doesn’t even stop for my own birthday.”

A heavy sigh escaped Steve, resting a hand on Tony’s arm, “Can’t you just stay a little while longer? We were having fun and enjoying ourselves. I miss you Tony, I thought tonight I would get you for the whole night.”

Tony ran a quick hand through his hair, “I know Sweetheart, I know but you know my work. You know what I gotta do. I can’t just abandon it for..” He stopped himself but Steve already knew he was going to say _for you_.

Steve felt the roll of emotions push up deep from somewhere inside of him blinking back the tears wanting to come out, misting his eyes, “This is how it’s always going to be huh?”

All Tony could do was hold Steve to him, frowning softly and pulling him close, “No, not always like this. Never. I won’t let that happen, you’re important to me. I love you Steve, you know that but I..”

Steve pressed his lips hard against Tony’s shoulder, clinging to him, “You love your work more.”

“No, that’s not true. I love you more than my work. I’m not my father. There are just things that can’t be held up, it needs to be dealt with or else we’re screwed up. You know know Bruce and I work hard and we have a crack team but sometimes it just can’t be helped.”

Steve could only sigh out heavily, Bruce out behind them hailing a cab at the curb. Tony cupped Steve’s face, pulling him in for a kiss, pressing his lips hard to his and all of himself behind it. Steve made a small whimpered noise, sliding hands up Tony’s neck and into hair holding on for as long as he could before Bruce politely cleared his throat and softly mentioned the taxi waiting for them.

Steve ran a hand through his hair, trying his damnest not to feel like a kicked puppy as he made his way back through the busy nightclub and back to their table. Almost everyone had come back, save for Sam, a couple of his friends and Clint. Much to his dismay Johnny had joined them, Bucky sprawled sideways on his lap with a foot moving to the music and an arm hooked around his neck while they spoke closely about something. Steve dropped down in his seat beside Natasha, glancing at her grinning and filming away Clint and Sam slow dancing even though the music was fast and upbeat. 

“Both my boys, so cute when they’re drunk.” She supplied without looking back.

Even Rhodey was dancing away with a girl with no care in the world. 

Steve let out a soft grunt, picking up his beer to finish it off, side glancing at Johnny staring into Bucky’s eyes while he spoke to him, his hand snaking under Bucky’s shirt and stroking his stomach like it was an every day thing. They both broke out in a laugh, Bucky shoving a hand in Johnny’s face as the male laugh louder. Steve stared, eyes casting down to toned muscle under soft skin before snapping them away and back at the crowd.

Looking over at the blond, Natasha lightly nudged him before snaking an arm around his to lean by his ear, “Maybe I shouldn’t be saying this because your boyfriend just left and well you have a boyfriend but a word of friendly advice? If you want him to stop looking at _him_ , make him start looking at you, idiot.” She softly pressed her lips against his cheek and gave him a smile, straightening up again to go back to watching Sam and Clint dance away.

With a long sigh Steve supposed Natasha was right, plus it didn’t have to mean anything if they were dancing. His other friends were dancing and they were all just having a good time. He definitely needed some cheering up. The next song came on, heavy and all bass, deciding to just go with it. He got up, enjoying the sound of the thick beat, his hand snaking around Bucky’s fingers, the action stopping him from talking to Johnny anymore. Bucky froze in mid-sentence both of them turning to Steve and he could only give Bucky a playful wink tugging him off Johnny’s lap. Of course he received a smirked in return, never one to say no to Steve. 

Bucky knew what he was getting himself into before he even stood up, Steve wasn’t a dunce at dancing so he didn’t even try to act polite or shy, he already knew to just dance with him. He wrapped his arms around Steve’s neck, getting into the beat, the sound reverberating through both their bodies. He let his eyes close, feeling out everything he could, biting at the corner of his lip. 

Steve rested a heavy hand on Bucky’s hip, pulling a little to support his weight to make it easier on his ankle, Bucky’s hand deliberately sliding up the nape of Steve’s neck and into his hair gripping a handful of it. Steve held in a shiver, their bodies close but not pressed together though the feel of Bucky moving under his fingertips was causing him to regret his bold decision if only for a split second. 

This was Bucky’s playing field even if Steve was decent at dancing, Bucky seduced with it, at least that’s what he saw every time he watched him move like right then, the music beat pressed into the sway of his hips and he was lying if he said it didn’t turn him on a little..okay maybe more than a little. Steve pressed his other hand at Bucky’s other hip, his fingers digging lightly through the material of his dress pants. Bucky opened his eyes only to stare straight into Steve’s and Steve was taken aback watching the colors of the stage lights reflect off them. He chewed at the inside of his mouth moving perfectly in sync with Bucky and most likely with everyone else but he had no idea where anyone else was; only staring into those eyes that stared back at him feeling warm and heavy, ignoring his natural instinct to pull Bucky closer, to press him tight into him and _feel_ him move.

Bucky grinned, fingers tightening into his hair and Steve’s pulse jumped up, a shaky smile reaching his lips.

“If you can keep up like this, you better dance with me all night Stevie!”

Steve could only nod back as his heart beating too hard in his ears, he watched Bucky close his eyes and small smile grace his lips. 

The beat slowed and Steve spread his fingers out, soaking up and mapping every movement in Bucky’s hips, absorbing it all in like a memory he desperately wanted to keep. He lifted one hand to rest against Bucky’s upper arm, sliding it along his skin gently taking his hand off from around his neck to turn him slow and lazy effectively locking Bucky’s arm across his chest as Steve kept hold. Bucky did them both justice, purposefully avoiding pressing his lower back into Steve, shoulders pressed tight against his chest instead as Steve leaned his head forward nosing into Bucky’s hair taking in the scent of his rosemary and mint shampoo, his fingers lightly grazing the skin beneath his shirt if only for a second grasping at the fabric to detract from the temptation of keeping himself there any longer. He turned him back around, watching Bucky laugh and Steve was completely going through the motions, too lost in Bucky to do anything else.

Bucky’s phone vibrated in his pocket, retrieving it with his arms draped around Steve’s neck, tilting his head a little bit. Steve watched his eyes slightly narrow, the corners of his mouth turning down.

“What is it?” Steve inquired, turning his head trying to take a glance at Bucky’s phone though the angle did nothing to help him.

“Nothing, a fuckass ex asking me to talk to him. Ran into him earlier before I just blew him off. I’m gonna go tell him to get lost, I’ll meet you at the table.”

All too quickly Steve circled his arms around Bucky’s waist to hold him back, “Want me to come with you? Put the fear of God in him?”

Bucky laughed, lightly giving his shoulder a punch as he broke the hold, “You’d love that wouldn’t you, fucking troublemaker. Nah, I’ll be fine. Just wait for me, yeah?”

Giving him a nod, Steve watched him disappear into the crowd towards the back where the hall to the bathrooms were, concern tracing his features as he returned to the table. A few seats were already empty, some of Sam’s friends pulling on their jackets.

“What’s happening?”

“It’s getting late, some people are getting ready to get going.” Natasha answered, a smirk across her red lips, “Done so soon?”

Steve rolled his eyes, “Some ex-boyfriend of Bucky’s is dogging him to talk or something, he said he was going to tell him to get lost and come back.”

He watched her features shift slightly, glancing over at Rhodey, Sam and some ladies all dancing, arms folding over her chest as she turned to look at Clint half sprawled in his seat.

“You alright?”

She nodded her head, “He should be fine, his ex’s are kind of all dirt bags though..”

“I offered to go with him, scare them a little especially if it’s the lean tall one I saw earlier but he said he was okay.”

Clint tilted his head up as Natasha leaned forward, gently caressing his cheek. He smiled up at her, wide and goofy and she could only smile back fondly planting a soft kiss on his lips. She glanced over her shoulder back at Steve, “Black hair?”

“Yeah.”

With a light tug, she sat sideways in her boyfriend’s lap glancing up at the blond with her arms looping around Clint’s neck, “Do me a favor Steve, give him about five minutes or seven if you’re patient and if he’s not back, please by all means insert yourself in their conversation..forcefully if you have to.”

Steve raised his brows in surprise a hand rubbing the back of his neck, “Should I be worried?”

“Not really. If it’s who I think it is, he’ll be trying to convince James to take him back and the only reason behind it is greed. James won’t but better safe than sorry.”

“Right.” Steve muttered out, not waiting the five minutes and that wasn’t really what Natasha had expected Steve to do anyway, watching him move quickly through the crowd.

  
Bucky wasn’t sure how exactly he ended up in the middle of the men’s bathroom. He wasn’t _that_ drunk. He met up with Dylan in the dark trashed up hallway to talk, to tell him to get over with what he wanted to say just so Bucky could tell him to get lost and he could go back to his friends. He wanted to wash his hands off so he killed two birds with one stone and they went into the large bathroom except that Bucky’s patience was wearing thin and Dylan wanted to keep him there.

"I have to go, my friends are waiting for me."

A hand slipped out, tugging Bucky softly back by his arm. A faint sigh escaped him as he turned back, "Really."

"Aw don't be like that Buck." His voice smooth as silk, hitting a note in Bucky that was way too familiar and way too comfortable for his liking.

Bucky turned around, the same hand that held him snaked up his arm, fingers gentle and delicate almost reaching his shoulder. Bucky knew the controlled touch all too well, his instinct to move into it almost betraying him. They didn't though as Bucky flinched back, pulling his shoulder away trying to avoid the thunderstorm that quietly brewed within him. He didn’t want to get into any issues tonight, he wanted to finish off whatever was left of their little after party and get home, turning his head when the door to the bathrooms swung open so hard the plaster against the wall chipped and the handle lodged itself into the wall, heavy music flooding inside and a tall blond drink of water looking very tense standing in the entryway. 

Steve’s eyes flickered from Bucky to the man before him, soaking in a few seconds of the situation, taking a trained step forward, "Buck, everyone’s starting to head home. Are you coming with me or sticking around?"

Dylan chuckled, that light touch resting on Bucky's shoulder again and something in Bucky’s brain was trying to accept the silent command, "We're having a private conversation here so I'm sure Bucky will catch up with you later."

Bucky let the hand stay there but his eyes turned to look from Steve to Dylan, "No, he will not catch up with me later. We're done talking."

He stepped towards Steve, inwardly sighing when he felt fingers grip his shoulder knowing that was going to happen.

"No, I wasn't done talking Buck."

"Well I was, so let go."

"Bucky." Dylan’s voice came out calm but it had been laced with a new tone to his name that he remembered quite well from back when.

"That's enough," Steve interrupted, a few steps closer; his own tone dark, clipped and very clear that he was ready to reveal how prepared he was to step in. "Time for you to let him go, Buddy."

The hand fell off Bucky's shoulder but Dylan had a look of disappointment on his face, "Bucky really? _This_ guy? Juiceheads don't really suit you."

Bucky had always hated that look on his ex, he used to do anything to make him smile again, always blaming himself for any time Dylan wore that expression. Bucky also remembered everything else and he had enough, shoving him away in a fit of unresolved anger, "Okay you know what Dylan, you have no fucking idea what I deserve because you thought and apparently still think I deserve you. The guy who fucked half the school because he was an insecure selfish little fuck who couldn't stay faithful to one guy! Well it's too fucking late to say anything to me, it's been fucking _years_ and I'd be the biggest idiot to take you back even if i wanted to. Holy shit, just get lost!"

Bucky stepped back, jumping to the feel of Steve's hand against the small of his back to calm him down, only then realizing how loud he was yelling, other patrons frozen in the public bathroom not sure what to make of the situation.

"Let's go home Buck."

Bucky's gaze flickered for a moment before looking directly at Steve, quickly nodding as he felt the rush of adrenaline crashing down. He felt himself breathing a little heavy but aside from that he was fine, oddly very fine. He felt like he had been waiting for that to come out for awhile and now that he had, he was grateful for the situation happening like it did. 

He only froze when he felt his elbow grabbed, the light but firm familiar pressure causing him to stop and with Steve’s hand at his back, he stopped as well.

“Buck, c’mon. We were good. I think deserve at the very least five minutes of your time without your gorilla ass boyfriend around.”

Steve was quick and to the point without making much of a scene, his body slightly turned with an easy precise movement of his hand grabbing Dylan’s wrist and wrenching it tightly against the male's upper back, his other cuffing the back of his neck with his fingers digging painfully. Steve kicked Dylan’s leg out to drop him with no effort to one knee, then pushed him forward and down onto his stomach, pressing the side of his face without too much pressure to the floor, crouching over him, smiling casually. 

“He’s done talking to you. You might be a little hard of hearing being as we’re in a club and you’re laying on this pretty disgusting bathroom floor but I’ll just let you know one more time just in case you missed it. Okay?”

He struggled to get up, “Fuck you Buddy!”

Steve could only roll his eyes, twisting his arm tighter and higher up his back, listening to the groan of pain escaping him, “We good?”

“Y-yes..Yes! We’re fine, good!”

Steve smiled wider, “Good.”

“Let’s go Steve.” Bucky prompted, stepping towards the door.

Following after him, Steve released the arm and stepped away, keeping one wary eye at Dylan as he scrambled back to his feet.

“Yeah _Steve_ , you go run along while I enjoy the view..I always did love watching him go..”

Steve snapped around, shoving both hands into Dylan’s chest, sending him flying backwards into one of the bathroom stalls watching him stumble back and fall against the toilet. Jaw clenched, Steve stalked forward his hands fanning out to loosen his fingers up before he formed them into fists squaring his shoulders. Bucky winced, jogging over to grab his arm, “Stop it, that’s enough. Come on Steve. Forget it.”

He turned to look at Bucky in disbelief, anger laced across his eyes. Bucky’s palm softly caressed the underside of his bicep giving him a gentle smile, “I wanna go, he really doesn’t deserve any of your time even if it’s for an ass kicking.”

A sigh escaped him and he folded, nodding in return as he let Bucky coax him out of the bathrooms.

Steve stared at Bucky carefully as they made their way through the crowd, watching him stare off ahead, but didn’t bother pushing off the hand Steve rested at his back. It had begun to rain outside, Bucky fumbling into his pockets then looked over at one of the smokers nearby asking for a spare smoke. He lit it and came back to Steve, giving him a smile.

“You alright Buck?”

He nodded, his head tilted slightly to the sound of the music trying to tell if he was familiar with it, big drops of water falling onto his clothes and he only took a long drag, Steve watching him blow out smoke rings and catching up with the rain. Steve wiped the water off his face, soaking in the cool air to calm down the flush of his body, staring up at the rain slowly picking up to fall harder over them even though Bucky seemed to not care. 

Bucky flicked the half smoked cigarette off into the street, pushing his hair off his eyes with the heel of his hand nodding softly to the music. Steve reached over, tugging Bucky into his chest and could only stare at him, the both of them barely registering the sharp drop of the temperature with their clothing getting soaked. Bucky moved his hands up along Steve’s muscular arms, rain came down harder. Bucky’s fingers rested against his shoulders giving the blond a smile, “You can’t keep being my knight Stevie especially since I’m quite capable of fighting people off myself.”

A smug smile crept across Steve’s lips, “You can try and stop me if you want, not going to do anything but you can try. I know you’re capable but sometimes you seem to turn the other cheek with people that need to get punched. Besides, I really wanted to kick his teeth in. You’re lucky I was being nice.”

Bucky could only roll his eyes, “You nice? _Please_. You just seem nice, you have the whole boy scout thing down easy. I think you only stopped because you had an audience.”

Steve’s gaze grew slightly dark staring into soft pale grey eyes, his head shaking, “No Buck. You stopped me and probably for the best anyway, all I’d need is to get arrested tonight. Besides, I thought you didn’t have ex-boyfriends.”

Bucky rolled his eyes, “I don’t consider dicks that sleep with everyone behind my back ex-boyfriends. They’re people I don’t ever want to meet again. Stay tuned, there’s more than one of those.”

All Steve could do was laugh, pulling Bucky into a tight hug, his face nosing into Bucky’s wet hair. “Don’t be surprised if I do kick someone’s teeth in then.”

The brunette could only nod against him letting his eyes close as he drowned out the music and voices to only focus on the sound of the rain. Steve softly nudged him back, giving him a few seconds before leading him back inside, “Let’s see who’s left and make sure they’re safe getting home."

Bucky nodded, going back inside with him.

Rhodey wasn’t sure what to make of what he was seeing. He stood outside waiting for the cab he had called, backed up into the shadows by the entryway to avoid getting rained on and the cloud of smoke at the other end. The night was getting too late for him considering it was a weekday and he had to get going. He just about moved back inside to avoid the cold when Steve and Bucky came out. Steve wasn’t out of place pressed close but the way they were was just giving off something _different_ and he really didn’t want to come to the conclusion of what it did seem to look like. Their body language, pressed close and staring into each other like nothing else was around seemed cause for concern raising his phone to take a picture but thinking twice about it. He finally decided to just put his phone away entirely and ask Tony himself. Everyone was drunk to some degree, maybe he was seeing something else that wasn’t really there and he knew Steve, knew he wouldn’t do anything behind Tony’s back. Still, he wanted to bring it up with Tony wanting to look out for his best friend. 

“You’re coming with me right?”

Bucky tilted his head towards Steve’s voice, nodding lightly. Natasha draped an arm around his shoulders, “How much have you drank?”

He shrugged lightly, “I was good today. Enough to have a buzz not enough to coax him to take off his clothes if that’s what you’re asking.”

“You know that’s exactly what I’m asking.”

Bucky ran a tongue over his top row of teeth, smirking with a glint in his eye before leaning in to kiss her cheek, “I’m definitely fine then.”

“You’re incorrigible.”

Bucky glanced over at Steve helping Sam out of his seat, making sure he wouldn’t take a nose dive onto the floor, Bucky’s eyes shamelessly roving over the blond’s best assets while Natasha looked on with a shake of her head and he glanced back at her, “As long as I’m taking the Captain of the football team home, who am I to argue?”

The redhead patted his chest trying her darnedest not to break out into a smile of her own, “Down boy.”

  


Bucky stared forever at Steve moving around the bar like he was in his own world. His smile spoke volumes, perfect white teeth flashing ever so often as he spoke to each and every person like they mattered and perhaps from his point of view, they did. He made the effort to make sure they did. An occasional hand tapping a shoulder or a simple gesture of even a thumbs up was a message of good faith and that he cared. He always managed to connect with his eyes, even as busy as they were, be it long while there was a conversation brewing when he could afford it or quick to take an order and get right on it he always became a part of them. It made Bucky smile every time he saw it while nursing his own drink for the past hour perched on the stool near the end of the bar and away from most of the action.

Sometimes Steve would just talk to someone, press in against the bar with his body stretching like a cat and managing to somehow make himself look longer as he leaned there as his blue eyes would sweep casually to lock into Bucky’s still talking away. It was so innocent, so _just for him_ and it seduced every single time. Those were the moments that sometimes he forgot to breathe; their little private moments no one saw, the way the other knew they were watching but sweet and much too brief even if Bucky felt himself flush warm every damn time.

Steve’s expression suddenly changed, his face surprised but pleased, a beaming smile spreading over his features and Bucky turned to where he was looking.

“You have got to be fucking kidding me.”

Tony walked through the crowd that parted like the sea, waving in full Tony Stark fashion like he was the crowned king dressed in a soft black leather jacket, blue jeans and a Black Sabbath t-shirt. He stood at the bar and gave Steve a cocky smirk, gesturing for his boyfriend to come a little closer over the bar and they gave each other a kiss. Not very chaste and very much involving tongue. A ruckus of raised glasses and beers broke out around them, Steve immediately blushing and laughing as he pulled back behind the bar, Tony grinning widely turning to everyone with playful nods and upon finally seeing Bucky in the back he paused and stole himself a moment to give the brunette a wink.

Bucky pursed his lips together trying to avoid a frown, raising his glass before drinking it all down attempting to push away the strong animosity he was feeling. He pulled himself off the stool, almost colliding into Natasha in the process.

“Leaving so early?”

Bucky scowled, tugging her away from the crowd, closer to the kitchen entryway. He leaned in close, inches from her face as she stared up at him, green eyes carefully studying his rising anger.

“This is complete and utter fucking bullshit Nat. He has never fucking made so many appearances in one week _ever_. Now suddenly he’s been popping up or getting Steve to see him almost every single day. What the hell is going on here?!”

Natasha tilted her head, gently resting a hand on his chest to rub the spot soothingly to calm him down, “He’s probably making a point James. You don’t exactly hide the way you flirt with him and he is a little too comfortable with you..”

"I don't flirt! I'm charming, not flirting..okay maybe a little flirting. Not like I would do anything with him," Bucky sighed loudly in frustration, “That’s Steve, he’s like that. All touching hands and Kumbaya and shit. I don’t tell him to do those things.”

She pressed her hands against his shoulders, sliding her palms up and down his arms, “I know, I know you don’t. You know it’s going to happen anyway. Are you really leaving though? I was about to tell you I was going to have a break soon and that maybe see if you wanted to eat something?”

Rubbing a hand over his face, Bucky groaned dropping it finally to hug her to him, “I don’t know. I’m not really hungry right now, kind of just lost my appetite. I’m gonna go fight the bathroom lines, be back.”

“Tony, this is great! What are you doing here?”

Tony passed his eyes over the crowd, leaning into the bar with an amused smile, “I had some down time, figured I would come by. You mentioned some friends hanging out while you were on shift and I decided to surprise you.”

Confused, Steve made a face, “Friends? Only Bucky was hanging out. Wherever he is though, I guess he went to the bathroom.”

Tony only looked further disinterested, “My mistake, I thought you said Wilson too.”

A shrug escaped Steve not putting too much thought into it. He suddenly had an idea, checking his watch before grinning, “I got a surprise for you. Stay here and I hope you enjoy it.”

“Anything you do I enjoy Beautiful.”

Steve blushed, moving his head to plant a quick kiss before turning to Pietro to let him know he was on break before leaving the bar.

Tony sat on the stool beside him, watching Steve move through towards the small stage in the back corner. Natasha slid up beside the brunette with a simple smile, “How are you doing tonight,Tony?”

He turned to look at the redhead, all cheers, “I’m doing pretty well and how about you?”

“Very well thank you.” 

They both looked over to Steve seated on the stool sitting on the stage strumming a few notes on the plugged in acoustic guitar; his gaze was locked on Tony, tilting his head slightly forward to the microphone by his head. He adjusted it, a flit of nervousness crossing his blue eyes before looking back down at the guitar as his thumb graced the strings.

He turned to the karaoke station, turning the main volume down just slightly so the tune didn’t drown him out completely. His eyes glanced back at Stark, hitting the play button and instantly his fingers began to play the music for Elvis’ Falling in Love With You. 

He bowed his head, nodding to the soft tempo in his head, closing his eyes as he let his heart lead him while the room all calmed to a soft rumble of whispers and clinks of glassware. 

Natasha immediately raised her phone to record him, smiling to herself. Bucky came out from the bathrooms, wiping his hands off on a paper towel just as Steve began, leaning by the wall in the shadows with his arms folded over his chest. He glanced over to Tony watching him, a careful but happy smile on the man’s face as if he was in disbelief but also in awe of Steve and Bucky tried to push away the empty feeling burning inside of him. 

_This was good for them..wasn’t it?_

Steve’s voice was soft and apprehensive over the microphone, not entirely sure of himself. His baby blues shyly glanced full on at Tony for his entire support, a genuine devoted smile spreading across his face as Tony immediately mirrored his gaze to his boyfriend.

“Wise men say only fools rush in, but I can't help falling in love with you..”

With the encouragement of seeing Tony perk up a bit more than he already was, his voice picked up. Coming out stronger and bolder, the sparkle in his eye shining brighter, 

“Shall I stay, would it be a sin if I can't help falling in love with you..”

He drew in a long deep breath, letting it out shakily, 

“Like a river flows surely to the sea. Darling so it goes, some things are meant to be..”

Steve felt himself get a little misty eyed, the emotion clearly showing itself in his voice, stumbling over one word as he choked back the heavy sensation. He blinked quickly a few times, staring at his shoes as he played on fully concentrating. He heard some shouts of encouragement and some calling his name as he pressed forward hearing people humming to the tune.

“Take my hand, take my whole life too..”

Steve looked up in surprise to hear the crowd singing with him to the chorus, tears clouding his gaze. Bucky only fell harder against the wall, smiling wistfully at the way Steve was just everything in that moment, feeling a sense of pride fill him, pleased to see how he was exerting himself past the rush of his emotions. The blond looked out to the crowd with a grateful smile for pushing him on before he looked back towards Tony.

“For I can't help, falling in love with you..”

Tony raised his hands up, giving his boyfriend a small thumbs up silently telling him to carry on, his own brows fallen and so very touched to even do anything more.

“Like a river flows surely to the sea, darling so it goes. Some things are meant to be.."

Steve quickly jerked his head away as to try and shirk the thick emotions rolling over him, he wanted to avoid crying at all costs. Glassy eyes glinted against the light above as he tilted his head to sing upwards so tears didn’t spill,

“Oh..”

He looked forward and put in his all in to the last bit, his best for Tony because he completely deserved everything Steve could give him, 

“Take my hand, take my whole life too..”

Furrowing his brows Steve pushed on through with a serious look of concentration on his features, his fingers holding the guitar tight to him. Tony watched him in admiration with his hands folded in his lap and a grin on his face, 

“For I can't help falling in love with you..”

The crowd broke out to sing the chorus again, some people holding up their drinks, Steve couldn’t help a small laugh slip from him when some lighters went up though he was sure Nick would have a field day if he saw. 

“For I can't help falling in love..”

Steve even saw Tony beaming proudly his eyes misting a little and mouthing the words with him. Even with the voices all he heard was Tony in that perfect moment, 

“With..”

He drew in a long shaky breath, strumming to the last note the sound ringing along with the last word to the line,

“You..”

Everyone broke out in claps and cheers, even Bucky reluctantly for Steve though his face was laced with a sadness he couldn’t exactly hide, still hidden in the dark corner of the venue. The noise all quickly began to die down, hushes racing through the crowd as Steve dropped his head as he continued playing a few notes and his shoulder shook just slightly, the microphone picking up his sniffles. He lifted his head up pushing his perfect smile through as the quiet fell over the room immediately again while the chorus played through the packed room, his gentle blue eyes looking at Tony again and they could only stare if only just for each other, 

“..For I can't help, falling in love with you.”

He pressed his hand on the strings, bowing his head to everyone, muttering a soft thank you and the whole room applauded again only causing Steve to blush all over his entire body in embarrassment while quickly removing himself off the stage trying to mill out of the groups of people patting him on the back. Tony met him half way, pressing a hand on his shoulder, “I love you Steve, you damn beautiful romantic.”

Steve pressed into his boyfriend, hugging him for all he was worth needing this so badly, “I love you too Tony.”

Natasha decided to end the recording right there, smiling for the both of them. She looked to where Bucky had been standing for the whole performance but as suddenly as he was there prior, he was now completely gone.

  


Steve walked alongside Tony, the both of them entering the laboratory together just as Bruce was pulling on a one of the white lab coats. 

“Late again Tony.”

A large smile spread across Tony’s face, throwing his hands up helplessly, “I was up all night, can’t blame a guy. Besides I’m technically your boss, I don’t have hours.”

Banner made a small grunt of annoyance, rolling his eyes at his best friend before giving Steve a nod and a smile, “How are you doing this morning Steve.”

“He’s good as long as he doesn’t sit down.” Tony muttered out softly, pouring himself over some schematics rolled out on one of the work tables.

“Tony!”

Bruce watched Steve grow bright red and glare at his boyfriend who only shrugged helplessly in return. Steve shifted the strap on his shoulder his eyes sweeping the floor before he could look at the brunette again, “I, uh, I’m great, thank you. You?”

“Same.” He replied back with a comforting smile, the both of them knowing how Stark was to just let the situation pass.

The double glass sliding doors opened with Rhodey entering holding a tablet, “Tony, I need you to look over these reports..hey Steve.”

The blond gave him a smile, “Hey Rhodey, you guys all look busy so I'll leave you all to it. Tony call me later.”

Walking over to look over the documents on the tablet, he nodded to Steve, “Sure thing. Tell Wilson to save me some of that fried chicken or else.”

Steve smiled at him, giving them all a wave, “Of course, bye guys!”

A murmur of replies rolled out, James watching Steve enter the elevators before he nudged Tony to look at him, “Hey, I wanted to ask you about Barnes..”

“What? Got a crush on him?”

Furrowed his brows he shook his head, “No, I’m just wondering. They’re pretty, um, friendly. Don’t you think?”

Pressing his lips together, Tony drew his finger across the screen to flip through to the next report not wanting to talk about it, “No idea what you’re babbling on about Rhodes. You sure you haven’t been drinking on the job?”

Before he could get another word out, Bruce raised his head from his microscope, “What he’s trying to say ever so delicately is if you’ve been noticing anything different between Steve and Bucky. Yes he has James. I told him he was overreacting.”

A look of betrayal on his face, Tony shot a look at Banner then turned back to his other friend, “I don’t know exactly what’s going on. I just notice little things.” He shrugged, looking at the tablet again.

Rhodes pointed at him, “So that’s what you were looking at when I asked you what you saw at the club.”

Tony released a groan, rolling his eyes while slapping the tablet into his best friend’s chest, “Look maybe I’m seeing things, maybe I’m not. If I tell Steve, you know how defensive he’ll get and he’s stubborn, unless you got some sort of delightful proof I could use.”

James shook his head, wishing now he had taken a picture. “Not exactly. I saw them outside after you left..I know Steve. I know he wouldn’t do anything bad but Tony, really, they were hugging and talking to each other and it was just weird.” 

Bruce cleared his throat, the both of them looking at him. His brown eyes lifted off the chart he was examining, giving them a small polite smile, “I think you’re both jumping to conclusions. Steve has a good head on his shoulders. Tony, he adores you. He wouldn’t do anything to mess that up. You’re both getting a little over excited over nothing.”

Eyes wide, Tony turned to James, “I’m not getting over excited over it, are you?”

Rhodey quickly shook his head at Tony then to Bruce, “Nope, not at all. Sorry.”

Bruce groaned, parking himself down on a stool, muttering under his breath returning back to work.

  


Sam came out from the kitchen to find Clint and Bucky sitting on the floor with a pile of comic books pulled from the bookshelf. Bucky sprawled himself out onto his stomach flipping through one intently; Clint hunched over one in his lap with his legs loosely crossed, a balled fist dug into his cheek both looking like children.

“I see you guys found my comic books.”

Bucky’s head snapped up looking slightly guilty, his grey blue eyes wide, “Uh, sorry. We should have asked you first.”

He grinned in return, putting a hand up before joining the two of them, sitting down on his knees, “No way. I have these ones out for anyone to look at. I got others I haven’t placed out because I’m kind of attached to them and if they got messed up I would hate it but anyone’s free to check the ones out on the shelf. It’s all out in the open.”

Clint let out a low whistle, “This one’s getting good. I knew you were into comic books but I really like your taste Sam, every day you’re becoming more and more cooler.”

Before Sam could laugh, Bucky scooted closer to Sam, pointing out the issue he was reading, “So I seem to be in the middle of this mess, fill me in?”

Sam grinned, “I’ll do you one better.”

Watching him get up, Bucky watched him disappear upstairs. Soon after he came back with a thick book, dropping beside him again, “This is volume one of that series. I think you’ll love it.”

A grin spread across Bucky’s face, “What’re we waiting for then, let’s start it.”

Natasha glanced over at Steve’s vegetables, “You doing okay?”

He smiled at her, “It’s just a tomato, I think I’m safe not setting it on fire.”

He felt her softly jab him in the ribs, “I meant you and Tony, how’s everything especially with,” She tilted her head towards the living room.

“Oh _that_. We’re fine. Actually pretty good. He’s been more focused as of late, it’s really nice, sweet even. He was definitely appreciating me last night.”

Natasha added some heavy cream to the potatoes she was mashing humming in response, a smirk crossing her lips at his last comment. 

“And Bucky, we’re good. Everything is the same and I feel like I’m learning new things about him even if it may be stuff he doesn’t want to talk about.”

Nat nodded, turning to check the temperature of the oil heating up in a large soup pot. She glanced over at Steve’s back then watched the thermometer again. After Bucky had taken off, he left a few short replies to her messages before he completely cut off contact returning home in the morning looking a little worse for wear and like he had rolled out of someone’s bed and came straight back. She knew the look well enough and after a shower plus a long nap he was himself again and ready to go to Sam’s.

“Sam! You want to come check if it’s ready?”

“Coming!” He called back, tapping his book as he gave Bucky a look, “If you don’t finish it, feel free to borrow it.”

Bucky nodded appreciatively and dropped his head back down to pick up where he left off.

Sam came into the kitchen moving straight for the stove beside Natasha, “Yeah, this is perfect, let’s start this. Steve could you open the window?”

Steve watched a little of Sam’s demonstration on how he made his family’s fried chicken while Natasha observed and worked with him before he went back to finishing off the salad and putting it in the fridge. He wandered back into the living room, Clint now laying on the ground beside Bucky reading the same comic. 

 

Through the process of dinner cooking, Steve had found some music to play, Sam and Natasha doing a small dance while they occasionally hip bumped one another and used tongs as a microphone. Clint bobbing his head while Steve sat on the couch reading one of the other comics tapping his toes on the couch arm. 

“Do you mind if I made the last batch on my own? See if I got everything exact with spices and flour?” Natasha asked Sam with a hopeful expression in her eyes. 

Sam stood back, a hand gesturing the raw chicken, “By all means, be my guest. I’ll be in the living room.”

Steve glanced up to Sam snapping his fingers to the beat of the tune playing, “Dinner ready?”

“Almost. Nat wants to try making the last bit on her own, I think she’s got it.”

“I’ll go see if I can try doing a piece!”

The brunette watched him jog excitedly into the kitchen, grinning to himself. 

Bucky returned from the bathroom humming along to the music, “How long til dinner? I’m starved.”

“Not too long, Natasha’s finishing off the last batch of chicken and then we’re ready to eat, the rest is in the warmer while we wait.”

Bucky raised his head to the song starting, his hand shot out flapping excitedly to Clint. Sam looked up, making finger guns at the both of them picking up on their excited energy, a slow smile spreading across his face, “No way you guys too?”

Bucky nodded eagerly and Clint grinned as he got to his feet, grabbing one of the remotes off coffee table and hopping up on the couch belting out the lyrics like nothing else mattered in this world gesturing a hand to Bucky, 

“I'm waking up to ash and dust, I wipe my brow and I sweat my rust, I’m breathing in the chemicals..”

All three of them tilted their bodies back and inhaled deeply then exhaled dramatically, Bucky laughing while Clint pulled away hopping down, striding around the room with his fake mic held theatrically near his mouth, 

“I'm breaking in, shaping up, then checking out on the prison bus. This is it, the apocalypse. Whoa..”

Bucky picked up another remote, standing in front of Sam‘s couch, smiling wide at Clint, 

“I'm waking up. I feel it in my bones. Enough to make my system blow. Welcome to the new age, to the new age. Welcome to the new age, to the new age."

Sam threw his hands up in the air like he was helpless _not_ to join in, holding an imaginary microphone in his hand. His closed fist held up to his mouth to join in with the pair of them, 

“Whoa, oh, oh, whoa-ohhh, I'm radioactive, radioactive. Whoa, oh, oh, whoa-ohhh, I'm radioactive, radioactive!”

Natasha and Steve looked at each other from the kitchen, “What are they doing out there?”

“Singing?”

“Is that what it is?” Steve retorted with a grin, washing off his hands quickly.

Clint hopped up on the couch, gesturing for Bucky to stand with him. He threw his free hand up in the air letting it bounce lightly with the beat of the music, 

“I raise my flag and dye my clothes. It's a revolution, I suppose. We're painted red to fit right in. Whoa..”

Climbing onto the couch beside him, Bucky belted out the next verse with his eyes closed as he struck an exaggerated pose, Sam grinning widely nodding to the music, 

“I'm breaking in, shaping up, then checking out on the prison bus. This is it, the apocalypse. Whoa.."

They all pressed close, breaking out to sing the chorus together fully committed to it, Bucky and Sam bracing each other with Clint’s arm thrown around his best friend, 

“I'm waking up, I feel it in my bones. Enough to make my system blow. Welcome to the new age, to the new age. Welcome to the new age, to the new age.”

Natasha peeked out and gestured hurriedly for Steve to get over to the living room, her eyes wide. Sam threw his head back, lost in the song as he swayed with the chorus, 

“Whoa, oh, oh, whoa-ohhh, I'm radioactive, radioactive. Whoa, oh, oh, whoa-ohhh, I'm radioactive, radioactive!”

Steve raised a brow slowly walking out of the kitchen toweling off his hands, “Are you all serious right now?"

Bucky turned, his eyes shining as he hopped off the couch, pulling out in front of him. His hand lightly grasped at the fabric of Steve’s shirt tugging him close to his chest staring into his perfect blue eyes as he tilting his head little, 

“All systems go, the sun hasn't died. _Deep_ in my bones, straight from inside..”

Steve could only stare at him and smile, shutting him up completely, lost entirely into Bucky. Clint and Sam playfully high fived each other, Natasha catching them from behind Steve. She leaned her shoulder against the wall, folding her arms lightly over her chest watching all four of them fondly with a gentle smile.

Sam threw his arm around Clint, picking up the next part, 

“I'm waking up, I feel it in my bones. Enough to make my system blow. Welcome to the new age, to the new age. Welcome to the new age, to the new age.”

Bucky turned back to the guys, throwing an arm around Steve’s neck and joining in with the chorus, Steve immediately followed suit, tucking his arm around Bucky’s waist too, 

“Whoa, oh, oh, whoa-ohhh, I'm radioactive, radioactive. Whoa, oh, oh, whoa-ohhh, I'm radioactive, radioactive!”

Natasha clapped as the song changed to something else. “You three oh excuse me, four were wonderful but I still think you’re all a little crazy.”

They all bowed at each other, laughing away.

“And you wouldn’t have it any other way huh Nat?”

She beamed, “Of course not. Not at all, they’d have to pry you all from my cold dead hands before I let any of you go.”

  


The five of them sat on the floor sprawled out on a mess of thick blankets and pillows, and to Steve’s child minded delight, a blanket fort to fit them all into. Sam looked up in awe at the numerous bed sheets of all patterns and colors draped like a large tent over their heads, all connected together by an endless supply of safety pins and secured by standing lamps, the media center with his flatscreen and the ceiling fan overhead. They sat against the front of one couch, another one was pushed in to make a wall to one side, the arm chair pushed in to make a second with a couple of dining table chairs. The bed sheets draped over them, Steve convinced Sam to get out the air mattress from out of the storage closet and they all took turns pumping it up citing it would be used when they would sleep anyway so why not which was something Sam definitely couldn’t argue against. That was pushed against the couch behind them and then came the disarray of blankets and numerous pillows of varying shapes and sizes. It wasn’t complete without Christmas lights Steve brought up and Bucky wholeheartedly agreed, the both of them taking out all the lights from the decorations box and stringing them up all over the place with Natasha pointing out viable places they may have missed. 

Now Sam sat leaning against the front end of the couch that was behind him with Steve beside him then Bucky after that, followed by Natasha and then Clint. He looked around and really was amazed at the work that took less than thirty minutes with all of them working together. He had to admit, it looked really cozy and he started to regret he didn’t have the idea himself since it was his sleepover anyway. 

“I still can’t believe we did this.”

“You regret giving me looks now don’t you?” Steve retorted with a smug proud look on his face.

Sam agreed, “Actually I really do, I’m genuinely sorry, this is awesome.”

Clint and Natasha agreed, only Bucky smiling away quietly with a pouch of M&M’s on his lap.

“What about you Barnes, you usually end up being the biggest mouth here.”

He could only glance up at Sam with a thoughtful glance before making a small face and giving him a casual shrug, “He already built me a blanket fort at his place.” 

Sam’s brows raised, turning to look at Steve then at Bucky again.

“Jealous?”

“Steve! Building blanket forts behind my back now?!”

Steve sputtered out, trying to grasp for an answer, his hands pressed helplessly to his chest, “We were on a _break_ it was only a small fort, nothing like I would have made for you Sam, honest!”

Bucky rolled his eyes, “Oh no Sam, it was _huge_ and I had a real good time with it.”

Clint couldn’t help but laugh, “I bet you had a really good time with Steve’s blanket fort.”

Amusement glinted in Bucky’s eyes looking over at his friend, “I did. He was so fucking good to me. I’d let him do it again if he wants. I’ll even close my eyes and turn my back like last time so I get another surprise.”

Everyone was laughing, even Steve was laughing but Steve also wanted to cry, mentally kicking himself and wanting to shove Bucky for talking like that. 

“Oh stop it Bucky, you’re making Steve blush.” Natasha pointed out, lightly poking the blond’s face with her finger and Steve moved his head to the side with a shy grin. 

“I’m fine, totally fine. Let’s just..change the subject and steer away from my..big blanket fort.”

 

A bowl of popcorn sat on Clint’s lap his body hunched forward leaning into Nat, the redhead held a bag of chips in her lap and the family size bag of M&M’s Bucky had been eating from with her legs stretched out. Bucky sat hiding in his covers, knees hugging chest; Steve’s eyes stayed glued to the screen a pillow on his lap with his legs loosely folded out before him, his hand holding a handful of Twizzlers and a can of soda, another buried in a bag of Doritos.

Sam hoarded the rest of the licorice and a large bag of gummy worms, one knee bent with his arm propped against it, his shoulder pressed into Steve’s one of the smaller blankets draped around his shoulders. All five of them sat peppered in popcorn and bits of candy but their nest was too comfortable to move out of for cleaning.

Bucky buried his head further into the blanket, leaning closer into Steve’s side, arm snaked around his arm. Clint began stuffing his mouth with more popcorn as he stared at the screen, eyes wide and anticipating anything coming.

The louder and more ominous the music became, the deeper Bucky embedded his fingers into Steve’s flesh. He stiffened slightly at the unconscious habit of Bucky doing it, reaching over to gingerly loosen up Bucky’s hand, holding it instead. Bucky looked at him with a confused gaze before turning back with a start when one of the character’s screamed at something falling off a shelf. Suddenly the killer broke in through one of the barricaded doors and chased the survivors through the house.

Sam clutched a couch pillow to his chest, his eyes widening as he waved at one of the male characters falling over after tripping over a chair. “No! Oh no Dave no!” He pressed the fabric to his mouth, muffling his cries as the killer reached him and just began stabbing him to death.

Bucky gasped softly, a faint whimper of sadness escaping him and Steve turned to look, giving the side of his head a light quick nuzzle, Bucky squeezing his hand in response.

Clint groaned out loudly in disappointment, throwing a full size gummy worm at Sam’s screen, “I was rooting for you Dave you stupid idiot!”

Bucky shot his hands over his eyes, Steve looking over and pulled him in with an arm around his shoulders. One of the characters hid under a car in the garage, menacing footsteps entering to look for her. Bucky tensed nervously, moving closer to Steve, his whole blanket rolled body pressed into him, the covers spilling over Steve. 

Steve hushed Bucky with a soft whisper, rubbing his arm lightly.

The scene was long and drawn out, Sam moving up to lay out in a lazy angle over his stomach outwards by everyone's legs clutching an oversized pillow to his chest while he watched the screen in anticipation. “I hope she doesn’t die, I like her.”

“Shh!” Clint called out, throwing a chip at the back of his head.

Bucky continued peering through his fingers worriedly while the killer looked in every nook and cranny of the large garage. When he finally went to look under the one lone vehicle, there was no one and he eerily walked away again. The girl sighed out in relief as she heard the door open and then close. She waited a few minutes in her new spot, straining to hear any new noises.

Steve began to lightly stroke at Bucky’s hair to soothe him knowing there was probably a jump scene about to happen. He rested his head lightly against Bucky’s shoulder watching with a small smile. 

The character finally wiggled out from where she was hiding and the place was empty. She took a quick look around for weapons and managed to find a crowbar, hooking a hammer to her belt. 

“Oh man, I think I’m in love with this girl you guys.” Sam smiled up at the screen, Natasha lightly poked his shoulder with her toe, “Get in line.”

Their new favored heroine pulled open the door and stepped back into the house after finding out the door way was jammed from the other side and the garage wasn’t opening. Carefully she snuck towards the front, the sound of screaming coming from upstairs and suddenly someone collided into her.

Everyone except Natasha and Steve screamed out with certain degrees of surprise, a couple of sighs followed after when it turned out to be another friend.

Bucky’s heart was racing, dropping his head back against the pillows with a light groan. Why did he always think he could sit through these stupid movies?

 

Bucky stared at Steve with big doe eyes and the blond only furrowed his brows, “What do you want?”

“Ice cream?”

Steve sighed, “Yeah okay. Anyone else want Ben and Jerry’s, we grabbed about six of them.”

Clint and Sam raised their hands, eyes glued to the movie.

Steve crawled out through the gap behind where Clint was sitting, grabbing some spoons and three flavors from the freezer. He grabbed another bag of chips and a couple more cans of soda. Tucking his head in he handed the junk food to Nat, shuffling back inside with the three ice creams accidentally tripping over the nest Clint had made for himself with Natasha, falling hard on the blond.

“Oof Steve, get off me you weigh six hundred pounds!”

“Shh!” Sam glared over his shoulder turning back to the screen. 

The blond smiled apologetically through the darkness trying to roll off him while trying not to kick Natasha or damage the three pints of ice cream in his arms. Clint managed to crawl out without too much trouble glaring at him, taking his mint chocolate chunk from him and one of the spoons, griping about his friend weighing the same as an elephant. Steve put a spoon and the butter pecan beside Sam and then crawled back to Bucky, curling up against his frame leaning his elbow behind him to prop himself up a little with the pint of chocolate fudge brownie and the last spoon. 

Bucky glanced at the changed position Steve placed himself in instead of just sitting beside him and took advantage, making him move aside so he could grab Steve’s pillows to stack them behind his own. Bucky leaned in so he could lay back but still keep his head and shoulders up to see the movie, Steve lazily took back his place tucking his arm around Bucky’s waist so he could press the side of his head against his shoulder. 

Holding the ice cream between them, Bucky went back to focusing on the movie, some characters had started hiding outside and looking for weapons to defend themselves. He ate a spoonful of ice cream, taking another scoop of it to hold in front of Steve’s face, feeling the slight tug of the spoon. He took another mouthful for himself, Steve wiggling himself harder into Bucky’s ribs like an oversized puppy, taking to holding the pint for Bucky. 

Taking the spoon, Steve look a couple of small bites as Bucky pressed his hands to his cheeks nervously at someone being chased in the movie; Steve took a large scoopful to idly eat a bit, Bucky pulling at his arm to eat the rest to ease the tension he was feeling. The spoon went back in Steve’s mouth to hold the utensil so he could make annoyed gestures at how stupid that person running was when Sam looked back to give his friend with a confused look as to why hiding where he was was a good idea.

“Gross, do those two even realize what the hell they’re doing?” Clint whispered to his girlfriend.

“What?” Nat turned to look at the pair, Steve curled up around him.

“They’re one step from kissing, they skipped the lips and went straight to spit swapping.”

She watched Clint shiver at the thought, looking back to the movie with a licorice in hand, a smile crossing her face. She leaned in to give Clint’s scrunched face a kiss watching it ease back and smooth out again, “You’re too much of a romantic to think that’s gross.”

He glanced over at her, hesitating for a second as he looked past Natasha then back to his her, “Well..maybe you’re right but those two need hits to the head.”

Laughing softly, Nat gave his cheek a light pinch as she pressed close to him looking back towards the screen.

 

Bucky slid down, pressing his head against Steve’s shoulder, pulling his knees up to his chest cushioned around two large thick blankets and pressed to Steve’s frame. He felt himself fading in and out of sleep as they tapered off the evening of horrors to something Disney much to Bucky’s dismay. Steve’s hand stroked his hair softly and he was losing a battle for consciousness, Steve’s touch disarming him completely and driving him crazy. 

Natasha watched Bucky through the flashes of light and color bleeding off the screen and onto the pair of them. She stared at his face relaxed and lost to everyone, looking adorably calm. Steve’s head pressed against his while regularly brushing through his hair to transfer him without the horror movie aftereffects. Neither seemed at all aware of anything else and she found it to be so endearing with each other. Sam peeked his head up over theirs back to his original sitting position beside the pair of them, wiggling his brows playfully over at Natasha and she could only shake her head at him giving him a smile.

He was feeling his eyes get heavier though, thinking it was time to get some rest already over four hours past when he usually when to sleep. Yawning loudly, Sam stretched his arms over his head, “Well kids, I’m heading to bed. Have a goodnight."

Reflexively, everyone else yawned as well, Natasha moving to lay down on her back and get comfortable, Steve frowning at her and Clint. 

“You two can take the spare bedroom. I don’t mind sleeping here with Buck under all this, I like it.”

Natasha gave him a smile, looking at the both of them, “Sure, thank you Steve.”

He nodded back at her, rousing Clint from his half sleep to direct him out of the fort and up the staircase. Sam gave a small wave to the pair left, heading upstairs to get the lovebirds situated. 

It was odd now for Bucky, suddenly wide awake and very aware of how close Steve was next to him, alone. Wasn’t the first time, but he suddenly didn’t want to sleep. He sat up with a small tired yawn, rubbing his eyes and tugging off one of the blankets from his shoulders.

Steve hit the lamp that was tucked under the fort with them, lightly cleaning up some of the bigger pieces of junk food to throw them in a plastic bag. Bucky picked up bits around him, looking up when Steve was on all fours with his back turned him and the brunette could only shake his head, feeling personally victimized by his perfect butt. He decided to switch course by getting comfortable once more and stare up at all the lights, drowning out Steve and the seven dwarves singing and dancing.

Steve returned, wrapping an arm around Bucky watching the movie with a grin for a few before he realized his friend was not even looking in the same direction. Glancing up to where his gaze was at, they both stared up at the twinkling lights, some of them multicolored and playing to muted Christmas jingles, some only strings of white, and some bigger than normal of solid reds or greens. All mixed and hung up they looked beautiful, Bucky staring at them with complete wonderment and his face made Steve feel like he was losing any sort of grasp of stability he was holding on to.

“What’re you thinking?”

Bucky shrugged, “I don't know, it's ridiculously stupid but just about the stars, if it looked like all these lights going on forever and ever. You know? I could stare at them like this and watch everything pass by because you just can’t fathom anything else. What else could be more beautiful than that? We’re just a speck in this whole layout, it’s so expansive and endless. I’m just utterly amazed by it.”

Steve could only stare at the expressions coming off of Bucky’s face, the way he lit up and stared at the colors above him; his hands slowly gesturing as he spoke making open palmed expressions with slight shrugs before he just turned to smile at him and then those eyes hit this ache in him he couldn’t quite understand. A lost, overwhelming feeling coursing through him while Bucky spoke about the world beyond the sky and the stars like he was in love and all Steve wanted to tell him was that he thought he was just as beautiful too. 

He went to move the hand on his shoulder to lightly stroke Bucky’s hair when he turned away again but thought better of it, letting it drop back to where it had been.

“I’m hungry.”

Steve balked, “Are you serious?”

“About food? Never.”

“Do you have a tapeworm?”

“Possibly?”

Thinking for a moment, an idea crossed Steve’s mind, tilting his head to get Bucky to follow him out of the blanket fort. He followed him into the dark kitchen, watching Steve get the stove light before he shuffled through the pantry for a box of cake mix. He moved to the fridge getting an egg and some milk, grabbing a large soup bowl to mix the egg and some of the dry cake mix together. Peeking over his shoulder, Bucky refrained from making jokes about the spill of chocolate powder on the counter or watching him try to mix and add milk while he did it which only made half of it splash across the surface and over his arm like he was a child far too focused on the creation of a treat than on the mess itself.

To Bucky, all he could imagine is the look on the faces of people he had learned any culinary experience from, looks of disappointment and horror especially from Jacques but he could understand something like this in a pinch even if he had never tried to make it before. 

Steve made a small sound of satisfaction, pouring the batter into a larger soup mug and straight into the microwave. Bucky hopped onto the counter watching the time count down as Steve shuffled about washing his hands off and some of the dishes. 

“So what’s the correct name for this peasant monstrosity?”

Raising his head to give him a look, Bucky only smiled back condescendingly getting a light elbow to the ribs, “It’s a mug cake. I mean it’s double the serving but its a mud cake nonetheless.”

Bucky watched him curiously, Steve tipping the large oversized mug upside down into an awaiting bowl and the both of them watched the domed shape cake slide out, its shape intact and slightly wobbling. Bucky glared at the dessert with suspicion while Steve turned to open the freezer, making a small pleased hum when he managed to find the vanilla ice cream. He scooped out three unnecessarily large scoops into the bowl and cleaned up quickly, washing his hands up in the sink.

“You’re going to get diabetes with all that sugar.”

Steve glanced over his shoulder, “That’s why we’re sharing and I’m not the one who can polish off a whole pie if you leave him alone with it. Try it.”

Bucky grabbed the spoon, looking at the dish, “Apples and oranges.” Of course he knew exactly what a mug cake was, it was just that he had never tried one before. He took a spoonful processing it slowly while he sank down to the floor, leaning against the kitchen cabinets with the dessert.

Steve stared down at him, “You like?”

A tilt of his head and a wavering so-so hand gesture but a smile came across his lips, nodding softly, “It works in a pinch. Definitely.”

A small sound of protest escaped Steve, moving down to sit on the floor beside him while Bucky stole another bite, “Don’t give it a satisfactory review then eat more of it without offering me any.”

Bucky laughed lightly, spooning a large bit of the cake with a mound of ice cream to feed Steve, chewing at the corner of his lip as he watched his face. 

Steve savored with his eyes closed, dropping his head back against the cabinet doors, patting his knees. Bucky laughed, handing him the bowl, licking off the bit of chocolate from his fingers. 

The light went on above them, Sam shuffling in wearing grey sweats and a white tank top, a confused look on his face, “What are you both doing on my kitchen floor?”

A smirk graced Steve’s face, taking another spoonful, “I was making Bucky a mug cake.”

Sam helped himself to a bottle of water from the fridge, peeking past the door with a raise of brows, “Didn’t we just eat a load of junk food about half an hour ago?”

A shrug escaped Bucky, “I got hungry.”

Not really knowing what to say or do about that, Sam only grabbed a spoon from the dishrack and slid down at Steve’s other side, “Give me some of that, you’re horrific in the kitchen but for some reason you ace these suckers.”

“What’s there to ace? It was like..an egg, cake mix and milk that he was splashing all over his arm and counter like he was six.”

Steve gave Bucky a glare, shouldering him lightly before taking another bite.

One of Sam’s hands gestured around the kitchen, “Is anything on fire? No? He aced it.” He dug his spoon in, stealing some ice cream.

“I guess then, congrats for not lighting the place on fire then Stevie.”

A warm smile spread across Steve’s face feeling that lurch of his stomach again and Bucky only smiled back at him, taking back the spoon to steal some more cake.

The content silence was broken by Steve’s phone going off, everyone seeing a goofy photo of Tony standing on a table looking absolutely drunk while he was singing on the phone screen with of course the name _Big Dick Tony_ still plastered across it.

Steve gave his two friends a grin before he answered the phone, scrambling up to his feet.

Bucky watched Steve smile all off in his own world talking to Tony while he pulled on a coat off the hook by the door. He let himself out through the front and Bucky pressed his lips together, pulling himself up to put the dish in the sink. Sam watched Steve disappear, turning back at the same time Bucky left the kitchen to crawl back under the large fort. He followed after him, a little tired but after the sugar he was good for some time before sleep would hit him again.

He brought a few of the larger pillows together, laying out while Bucky went through the selection of movies in the online library. “So how are you holding up?”

Distracted, Bucky didn’t answer for a few seconds, suddenly turning his head moving to sit in his old spot, “What? Like right now?”

Sam grinned, “No, I meant you know, before. Your panic attacks and Steve told me you don’t sleep well sometimes. Please if I’m being too nosy you can tell me to back off, I won’t be offended.”

Bucky only made a slight face, shrugging casually, “I’m doing alright I guess. Everything’s the same. My nightmares tend to happen more when something stresses me out but that’s not always the case so it’s hard to predict at moments but I get cues from time to time. Took two years to get an idea but hey better than nothing right?”

Sam tucked his hands under his head, rolling over to lay on his back while Bucky continued to fiddle through the list, “Do you mind me asking what happened two years ago?”

He watched Bucky press his lips so tightly together his nose scrunched up with it, his eyes glancing at Sam then back at the menu.

“Yeah, that would be where I don’t want to talk. Sorry.” He forced out a laugh, more to himself than to Sam finally choosing Addams Family off the menu and hitting the play button.

Sam smiled wide, genuine and bright giving Bucky a casual shrug whether he saw it or not, “No man, it’s cool. One step at a time and everything is your business. I’m glad Steve got to become friends with you so that you and I met especially when you pick a classic like this.”

Bucky turned his head from the screen, eyes studying Sam as if he was trying to assess the weight of the words cautiously before he nodded to the brunette smiling back at him, “Yeah, me too Sam. Me too.”

  


Sam stared dumbfounded at the counter looking at the ingredients on the countertop, “And this is all that’s going in?”

Steve looked back for a second before returning to removing the avocados from their skins, a small smile across his lips, nodding slowly. “Yep, just these items.”

“No way that’s going to be good guacamole.” He muttered out with furrowed brows, almost glaring at the unsatisfactory amount of items.

Steve could only roll his eyes at his friend, turning to look at his other side towards Bucky, “Buck, back me up on this. When Mrs. Alvarez told me what to mix for the guacamole, you were there, wasn’t this it? Didn’t you eat a whole dish of it by yourself?”

Perched at the far end of the counter in the corner quietly reading the tortilla chip bag, Bucky looked up at the both of them, a slight smile on his face. He nodded softly, giving Sam a gentle shrug, “That’s all it was. It was literally six ingredients, she even showed us how to make it. She lives a couple doors down you can go ask her for some, I swear she literally has it on hand when we want some.”

Bucky abruptly hopped off the counter, his eyes trained to the fridge before he went into it pulling a small Tupperware container with a small amount left. He handed it over to Sam with a spoon, nodding for the male to go ahead and try it.

Sam looked at the both of them suspiciously, “Not even a tomato guys?” He took a small spoonful, sampling it as Steve finished up dicing the avocados. He quickly tossed it in the lime juice with the other ingredients, looking back at Sam curiously.

“Huh.” Sam took another spoonful of the dip, making sure it was what he thought, nodding to himself, “It’s really amazing.”

Steve smiled smugly, turning back to make sure everything was tossed together and mixed, rereading the neat quick scribble of ingredients before covering it up and letting it sit to allow it to mingle together.

“Whenever I make guac, I always mash it up, add tomatoes that kind of thing. I also add a dash a pepper and..”

Steve suddenly tuned Sam out, feeling eyes on him and he looked up to stare back at Bucky his eyes a shade of pale blue that made him look so damned innocent. A ghost of a smile on his lips as he sat back up on the counter next to him, his legs crossed at their ankles his hands gripped to the lip of the surface.

Steve grinned, looking back to his cutting board to move on to the next thing he needed to prepare, Sam still carrying on about the flavors of Mexico, Bucky still staring helplessly at Steve. The chips had been transferred to a bowl and he reached to grab one, the brush of Steve’s hand meeting his as the blond reached for one himself. A jolting spark rushed through him momentarily and Steve looked up from whatever he was doing glancing over at him for a second time, giving him an apologetic look.

Steve let his hand linger for a second, savoring the feeling of Bucky’s touch before he retrieved his hand back, continuing his imitation of listening to Sam tell his story, busying himself again.

Sam continued speaking but quickly became aware that neither were listening to him, rambling on while his eyes watched Bucky watching Steve. Bucky’s eyes danced across the blond’s face, completely unbeknownst to being caught or so entirely not caring anymore Sam wasn't exactly sure though he supposed it was the first rather than the second option. Steve himself reached at the top shelf of the cabinet grabbing for the box of unopened crackers. Sam leaned casually against the counters at the opposite side, covertly watching Bucky gaze at his best friend in an admiration he had rarely seen before his eyes like this. Bucky was frozen and completely captivated as he stared at the male like there was nothing else that would help him breathe again. If Steve would have turned his head and seen it at that second, Sam wasn’t sure what would have happened, but Bucky was clear with his feelings at that moment and Sam couldn’t help but smile in embarrassment to himself at how much he underestimated this whole situation.

Clint knocked on the door then tried the handle letting himself in with a quick wave, holding a plastic bag and three boxes of pizza. He maneuvered himself around to the kitchen where Sam was checking up on the nacho cheese dip he was making in the slow cooker. 

“I got you that extra huge bag of chips you wanted and more chicken wings.”

Sam grinned, “You’re amazing, thanks. I was hoping I wasn’t going to be stuck going out there.”

“No problem, The grocery store was right beside the pizza place it was easy.”

Glancing past Clint, the other pair had moved into Steve's living room, Bucky sat in the armchair while Steve was talking about something standing and facing him with a smile. Clint followed his face over his shoulder then turned back to Sam giving him a curious shrug.

“So, how come no one told me about the other side of this situation?”

Clint immediately glanced away, his fingers tapering over the first box of pizza on the counter. His other hand moved to grab some paper plates sitting in a neat pile on the counter top, “I have no idea what you mean and if it’s something I can’t talk about Nat will have my head.”

Sam leaned in a little, prodding the blond lightly with a lowered voice, “I’m about to put her on blast for this too.”

Clint popped a handful of M&M’s in his mouth, “Oh yeah? What about?”

“That your boy is head over heels for Steve and I don’t mean just some crush. I saw his face, you two were holding out on me. I mean here I am thinking this whole time Barnes had this minor goofy crush on Steve and maybe they can one day get together and we’re laughing about how puppy cute they are over each other and no one thinks of telling me he’s actually full on heart eyes for Steve!”

Clint slapped a hand over Sam’s mouth, “Shh! Keep your voice down.”

They both turned and the other two were still chatting away. Sam tugged Clint’s hand away, giving him a glare.

He shrugged back helplessly, “Okay so honestly, I thought you knew. Every time he looks at Steve we see _that_ look on him, I guess we thought you saw it too. Didn’t think there needed to be a clarification. He’s liked Steve since high school so yeah, he’s in real deep.”

“Huh.” It the only thing Sam could let out, leaning his back against the counter in thought. “Now that I know it’s like that, everything just got _really_ angsty.”

A snort escaped the blond, “You’re telling me. Deal with _‘I don’t have feelings for him like that Clint’_ and then five minutes later, _‘I’m not pouting and his boyfriend’s an asshole’_ every damn time.” 

“I’m surprised they haven’t done anything with how handsy they get sometimes.” It was about ninety percent a joke from Sam, the ten percent really did leave him a little surprised nothing happened yet.

“Nah, Bucky would never do that no matter how much he might want to and I feel like that’s Steve too. They’re just going to pine like the idiots they are while we suffer watching them.”

Sam sighed, retrieving a pair of beers out from the fridge. Popping them open he handed one to Clint and they tapped the bottles together, “To the both of us, and Nat for having to stand here and watch this real life car wreck unfold every single day.”

“Mhm, you got that right.” Clint muttered out with a loud labored sigh, picking up the pizza boxes to bring them to the coffee table. He sat down on the couch with his beer, Sam finishing up in the kitchen. He suddenly had this odd sensation around him, realizing Bucky was sitting stiffly in the armchair and Steve sat more near the edge of the couch beside him staring or more kind of glaring at the brunette.

“He only made time for you because he’s jealous of me. Don’t you think that’s a little fucked up?”

Steve turned to glance away then he looked at Bucky again, his jaw clenching and his eyes narrowing slightly feeling defensive. “He’s making an effort Buck. Can’t you be happy for me?”

Clint and Sam glanced up at each other warily both realizing they wished they had caught the beginning of whatever happened, Bucky leaning forward a little in the armchair with a glint of annoyance across his features, “Not if you’re going to end up getting hurt when he stops again and you know he will.”

Almost every fiber on Steve’s body knew Bucky was right, that Bucky was a great friend to him and protective but Steve was stubborn as hell and there was always that spark of hope in him that Tony would change everything for him despite what anyone else said to him directly or indirectly. 

Sam pursed his lips tightly watching Steve’s features tighten, his cheeks dusting a soft shade of color.

_This was going to be bad.._

“Look I know you don’t know him like I know him. He’s a good person, I know you have trouble seeing that.”

Bucky scoffed, rolling his eyes with a look of petulance at his friend, “Of course I don’t fucking see that. Excuse me for a fucking second Steve. Are we talking about the same guy who cheats on you with woman once in a while, wow you both said it was alright but come on let’s call a spade a spade. It’s cheating even if you said it’s alright, you can bullshit your way past it with anyone else but me on that. He stands you up on dates to go to work and only makes time for you when he thinks someone else is after his property because that’s clearly what you are to him. You’re a _plaything_.” 

Sam exhaled a sharp uncomfortable breath of air, stepping forward from the side of the room to clap his hands together trying his best to diffuse the thick air of animosity forming between them, “Okay guys, so who wants nachos?”

Clint widened his eyes at the brunette as he sat as back into the couch as he could to avoid any incoming damage shaking his head while his hand tugged at Sam’s shirt ushering him away from the line of fire.

The color flushed through Steve, his eyes glaring angrily at Bucky ignoring Sam’s comment, pushing himself up off the couch to step towards his friend, “You’re calling _me_ a plaything? Me?! The guy that sleeps with pretty much every guy in New York is calling me that? That’s so rich Barnes. I’m so sorry I want to hold on to my one single relationship than fuck anything with a dick.” 

Adrenaline roared through Steve, his chest rising and falling as he slowly panted out his next words and Bucky only stared him down, hands pressed into the armchair while Sam tensed feeling helpless beside Clint.

_Very bad._

“You’re so emotionally devoid of intimacy you’d rather be a slut than try to put your heart on the line with someone.”

Bucky gripped the arms of the chair tighter, suddenly pushing himself out of it to stand inches from Steve’s face, “At least I’m fucking honest about it! Not like you, living in some goddamn fantasy world with your prince Charming bullshit.”

Pain rippled through Steve, memories of telling himself over and over that it was stupid to want a happy ending. That it was dumb to need a prince Charming, that that wasn’t how life worked. He continued to hold onto it tooth and nail because even though it was stupid, he believed in it. Tears welled up in his eyes, taking a cautionary step back from Bucky staring at how tense and ready for anything he was but Steve didn’t want to fight. His ache was inside and Bucky had struck him with the one thing that was important to him in relation to love. 

He wasn’t exactly sure what came out of his mouth but it came out so easily and he wished it never had. His voice wavered, low and soft, “I feel sorry for you Buck. I feel sorry for whoever falls in love with you. You wouldn’t even realize what was being offered to you and you’d have no damn idea, it would all just go to waste. You wouldn’t even deserve it.”

Bucky could only grimace at Steve, his brows curving together as he stitched the lines together, staring at the one person that he even considered caring that way for. His mouth formed a frown that partially revealed itself as a cringe, nodding slowly at him. The dull sign of distress swelling and bleeding into him and coursing through every pore of his body finally knowing how much Steve didn’t care about him like that. 

Perhaps it was stupid to hope because it was such an idiotic idea for Bucky to _wish_ for something like that. He was well aware of how much he didn’t deserve it, it wasn’t like he was told from day one he wasn’t good enough. Bucky turned his head to the armchair, his grey blue eyes dimmed, “Well I guess you’re right. I don’t deserve shit like that huh Steve?”

The room was completely quiet, all eyes watching Bucky collect his leather jacket off the chair, sliding it on quickly, his face brandishing a strained expression of hurt, staring away to avoid looking at Steve. 

“I appreciate you out of anyone reminding me how much of a waste of space I am and that I would never be good enough, for..anyone.” He let the last line he wanted to say out entirely, feeling it form on his tongue and then fade away into the air.

Clint got to his feet but Bucky only shook his head, signing something sharp and quick and the blond only nodded to him letting him move and get his shoes on so he could leave.

The gravity of what tumbled out of his mouth sank in smooth and slow, regret immediately pushing hard and Steve never meant a word of it. He only said anything he could to push back, his anger hoping to get a rise out of Bucky and hurt him as much as he hurt needing to protect his relationship with Tony and Tony himself. He knew he went too far, turning to stop him but Clint shook his head moving into his path, the door slamming shut behind him. 

“Clint I know, I messed up. I need to tell him..”

“Let him go. I won’t say it again.” Clint’s tone was firm, pressed and Steve only took a step back.

Sam finally managed to snap out of his shocked amazement, getting up on his feet as well, “What in your right mind gave you the idea that was a great thing to say?”

Shaking his head, Steve moved to look out the window pressing his palms against the sides of his head before raking them down to his jaw, “I don’t even know! He got me angry, I just wanted him to stop talking! It’s not like I’m stupid guys, I know Tony gets jealous and he gets territorial. I was happy to see him more and Lord help me but I’m in love with him. I couldn’t stand there listening to Bucky bad mouth my relationship.”

A small headache crept up on Sam, his fingers moving up to rub his temple lightly watching Steve look out the window in defeat. He looked over at Clint and the blond could only shrug helplessly. They both wanted to explain to Steve but they both knew they couldn’t, watching Clint silently text away before waiting for a message to pop up again and he nodded to himself. He glanced up at Steve still staring out at whatever, holding his phone up to show Sam.

_**Barnesy:** He just pissed me off, it’s okay. I’m just gonna go let off steam. I’ll meet you at home for dinner later._

Sam frowned, he felt dread sweep up into him lately with the amount of times Bucky would tell everyone he was fine. He felt a little more than mad at Steve’s attitude even if it was to defend himself over his relationship with Tony. Bucky didn’t need Steve of all people putting him down, it was a horrible thing already that his own flesh and blood did that to him and if that didn’t tick Sam off a little either..

“Steve- ”

Steve turned his head, “Look, I apologize to the both of you for my actions. I wasn’t thinking and I owe Bucky a big apology, I already know I do.” 

“And he’s going to forgive you because he’s stupid and,” Clint stopped himself from what he did want to say and shrugged a little, “Just how he is.”

“Don’t ever think to say something like that again. I mean it Steve, you need to be aware of that. He’s been put down for a long time, don’t be part of it.”

“All his life.” Clint muttered out, slumping back onto the couch.

Steve raised his head in question towards the blond and Clint only shrugged, staring at his socked feet like he wasn’t sure if he should say more. 

The room was silent, Barton tugging lightly at a loose thread on the couch, his arm draped over the arm moving his hand to rub at his temple with his middle and index fingers in slight annoyance, “He’s been like that since I met him, always been treated like he’s worthless, not good enough. So great job Steve. I mean it, really.”

A loud sigh escaped Steve, “I didn’t mean it. I would never have meant that, you guys know how I feel about him. I just got upset.” He hit the frame of his window in frustration, gritting his teeth. 

“I would never, ever try to hurt him on purpose like that. It was all an accident. You both gotta know that, please. I would honestly protect him from everything if I could. _Sam_.”

Sam raised his hand, “Okay calm down. I know.”

The room was completely silent again, everyone in their own heads and unsure of what to say next.

  


Bucky looked soft and delicate, sad even with the state he was in. Johnny stared at him watching his head loll back in the armchair he was sitting in, the bottle of beer sat precariously at the top of his knee with his long slim fingers barely dancing over it. The tip of his tongue pressed at his top lip as he stared up at the ceiling and he wondered just what that beautiful head of his was thinking. 

“Are we friends?”

Johnny narrowed his brows, watching him from the couch, “Yeah why not?”

“I don’t know. All we do is fuck.”

“We’re not a couple, we’re not enemies and we hang out..kind of.”

Bucky smiled, slouching back in his seat, letting his long legs stretch out, bare footed heels dragging along the floor leaving his legs wide and open like an invitation.

“Jo, whenever we hang out we end up doing something.”

Johnny smiled, laying out on the couch with his hands under his head, “That’s because I can’t help it. I see you and I just want it and boy do you give it.”

Bucky snorted, taking another sip from his bottle, pointing it at him, “See, that’s exactly the shit I mean. You talk like _that_ and you know it gets to me.”

Grinning, Johnny only shrugged at him wiggling his brows playfully.

Bucky pulled himself up, looking out of one of Johnny’s multiple glass floor to ceiling windows, the city twinkling away before him against the backdrop of the night sky. He threw his bottle out and felt his friend stand close, “So what got your mood today?”

Shrugging with a shake of his head, Bucky didn’t want to talk about it, pressing his palms out along the window framing catching Johnny a couple feet to his side staring out. The lights danced across his face not taking another stab at talking it out, instead a smile replaced words, serene and happy.

What happened after, Johnny completely didn’t see coming. Or maybe, he should have.

He barely caught Bucky abruptly turning on his heel and pushing forward, shoving him hard in the chest causing him to stumble back against the wall. Hands grabbed him by the shirt collar and he tugged his head up for a kiss, Bucky taking over Johnny’s mouth, biting at his lips and forcing his tongue against his own.

Johnny was completely caught off guard but he recovered quickly stuttering a step, a soft choked sound slipped against their mouths before he was complacent and his mind was reacting pressing in for more. Bucky securing one hand at the front of Johnny's shirt, his other holding the back of his head half to soothe the bump he received half to lock himself in.

Eventually Bucky broke back, pulling his head away panting, the both of them searching for air, the gaze he held for Storm was wild and caused Johnny’s mouth to go dry. Both of their mouths bruised and tingling, he seized the moment to reverse everything, grabbing Bucky by his t-shirt and pushing himself off the wall. In a slight scramble he pressed him down into an armchair, throwing himself into his lap. He didn’t wait, he didn’t exactly have to. He knew Bucky’s cues, mouth latching onto his again and hands fixed to tug at Bucky’s clothing. 

He felt hands roaming to his ass, moving his head away to pull off Bucky's shirt unceremoniously. Feeling out smooth hairless skin, his mouth kissed along Bucky’s jaw and down his throat, soaking in the sounds of him groaning and baring his neck. He nibbled and sucked numerous marks and Bucky let him as he arching slightly, watching his head completely sink back and his eyes close. 

Opened and relaxed to being taken care of, Johnny ground his hips against Bucky’s already hard cock through jeans so tightly restrained he heard him mewl helplessly with his breathless pants but did nothing for now allowing Johnny the control, a treat he never passed up or abused.

Shifting downwards, Johnny showered Bucky’s chest in a faint line of marks and kisses, red blushing across his body, dropping to the floor to prop himself on his knees and quickly undo Bucky’s belt and jeans not even bothering to tug them down. Licking his lips, he took a second to stare at how strained his cock was against boxers before pulling him out from his confines, swallowing him down hungrily.

Bucky gripped down on the arms of the chair, moaning out loudly, his hips arching to take in more of the warm wet feeling, his fingers curling to dig into the fabric. Johnny was only more than eager to take more of him in, his slightly intoxicated state making him marginally clumsy and sloppy, suckling as he looked up at Bucky earnestly and Bucky only moved a hand off the chair to pet ever so gently at the back of his head.

Keening to his touch, blue eyes disappeared as they closed, humming in pleasure and Bucky drowned, shifting his hips as he threw his head back and cried out. He knew he had to stop him soon, he wasn’t prone to cumming so quickly but the way Johnny was so good at it, his hand squeezed his friend’s shoulder lightly and soon the warmth and wet had left him. His eyes looking back and watching the thin string of saliva and precum trail off from his swollen bruised lip. 

Licking his lips, Johnny flashed Bucky a smirk, tugging off his jeans. Curiously though, Bucky stopped him there, tucking himself back into his boxers, gesturing him to stand, remembering he was still fully clothed his teeth lightly worrying his bottom lip.

Bucky stood up, removing Johnny’s shirt with an oddly focused resolve. He soaked in a second or two to stare at old battle scars, his fingers roving over bites and bruises from earlier in the week that he left, Johnny watching him with perfect stillness, his breathing shallow with a slight tremble. 

Bucky still had no idea what this ever was, this perfect way of life he could have with this perfect stranger. Johnny watched his eyes, Bucky’s hands moving down in a slow deliberate fashion to undo his belt and pants. His adam’s apple bobbing faintly after he swallowed and Bucky roamed his fingers to light marks at the side of his neck positioned in a way where he would have grabbed his throat from behind. He thought back to it, the sound of Johnny’s belt hitting the floor snapping him back to the present. 

Taking off the last article of clothing, he relished in the sight of Johnny Storm and his very perfect nude form, the male's own darkened blue eyes roving over his own body before turning towards the bedroom.

"No. I want you over here. Bent over the table."

Johnny hesitated, mid-step turning around to see where he was pointing, licking his lips and trying to breathe, but all he could take in at the moment was the dark gaze Bucky was giving him. He nodded and moved towards the tabletop, his palms running over the grain, cool against his heated skin.

Bucky came up behind him, his warm hand pressing in between Johnny’s shoulder blades and pushed down until he had the side of his face pushed into the wood. Johnny’s mind wandered for a moment before he felt a slap connect to one ass cheek, startling him slightly as his hips bucked forward against the smooth surface. Bucky gripped Johnny’s ass almost painfully over the red welt giving it another light hit, his other hand still holding him down as he soothed the angry flush against his tanned skin massaging the spot as if he was offering his apologies.

Johnny didn’t mind though, he was accustomed to Bucky’s sexual moods, he had to be when he learned early on how Bucky was not the prey in the lion’s den when it was between just the two of them, Johnny was always the one to comply or Bucky would immediately shut down. He needed the control of the whole situation, craved it even because it made him feel comfortable and Johnny was more than qualified to offer it to him safely as a regular thing. It was something he selfishly enjoyed, it was why Bucky was his favorite.

He pushed back when he felt a finger ghost over his hole, possibly annoying Bucky in the process but he couldn’t exactly get the needy sensation out of his entire being when it was Bucky behind him and playing with him teasingly.

“Fuck..”

He almost whimpered when the warm hand left, glancing over his shoulder to see the small travel sized bottle of lube and the snap of the top, a coated finger probed him carefully slipping in but as quickly as it had entered, it was out. Bucky cursing under his breath.

“What?” Johnny scrambled around, frantic. He watched Bucky backtrack.

_Not good._

Bucky glared at him, almost disappointed. “You expect me to be sloppy seconds?”

“What’re you talking about?” And then he realized.

“Shit. Buck..”

Bucky waved a hand dismissively at him, turning to grab his pants but with a quick movement Johnny grabbed his wrist to pull him close, “No, you don’t understand.”

He laughed lightly at the fact that he had to explain at this point in time, butt naked in front of his fuck buddy who looked almost upset he was a little worked open already.

“The hell are you laughing at Spencer?”

Okay so, Bucky was a little more than _almost upset_ if he was throwing out his actual last name while they were about to have sex.

“It’s no one, you’re..it’s only been you and me earlier this week. I have needs so I gotta take care of myself sometimes Barnes. Getting jealous over sex toys?”

Bucky exhaled slowly but very loudly knowing Johnny wasn’t one to make things up as ridiculous as he was at times, “Not jealous over your damn sex toys, I just don’t want to be..you know..”

Johnny leaned against the table the slight sting from his backside surging through him, gripping the end with one hand and a small smirk across his lips, “Right, I get it. You don’t want to invade if it’s already been invaded by a different party for the day. Gotcha.”

Rolling his eyes, Bucky stepped closer, “Why do I let you speak? Killing the mood here.”

Johnny watched Bucky’s hand slide down his chest, painfully slow, his skin prickling to it. His eyes met dark grey ones staring into his blues, he leaned in to lightly nuzzle the side of his nose, “You’re the one getting mad at me for taking care of myself when you aren’t around. You were about to march right out if someone else did it and not _something_ else.”

Bucky breathed against Johnny’s moistened lips, his fingers teasingly stroking Johnny’s half hard cock, “You’re fucking right I was..”

Johnny sighed out, letting his eyes close as Bucky wrapped his hand around him, “Always expecting me at your beck and call..”

Bucky lightly nudged Johnny’s head back with his nose, planting small kisses down his throat nipping tiny marks along his collarbone, he drew his mouth back, “Never said you _had_ to. You’re not my property.”

A small whimpered laugh slipped out of him, “I like when you pretend I am though.”

Bucky hummed, drawing back to turn Johnny around. His one slick hand found where they had left off starting with two instead of one and Johnny only breathed out a pleased gasp pushing back into it.

“Okay?”

Johnny’s leaned forward before Bucky could direct him down again, his arms moved out as he squirmed to the wonderful intrusion, hands gripping at the end of the table out in front of him nosing the hard surface with a distracted nod, “Mh, more Buck.”

Bucky obliged him, adding a third finger as he worked him open leaving sharp small bites up his back, his own hard on straining against his boxers pressing into Johnny’s thigh. He listened to the tune of little unrestrained sounds of a moan mixed with startled bits of pain that Johnny always sang.

Soon he drew his fingers out and automatically Johnny let out a loud whine of disappointment, teeth sinking along the side of his neck to quiet him before Bucky returned to the spot, nuzzling the flushed area affectionately. He tried his best not to beg or be too whiny, the aching empty feeling driving him crazy. He always hated the space of time between getting worked open and having someone inside of him. He also hated when Bucky moved away and he was expected to stay in however position he was in, always wanting to stare at Bucky touch himself and roll on the condom. It was one of the rarer moments he got even if he was a great admirer of his dick and always made it a point to tell anyone especially Bucky himself.

Johnny managed enough, looking over his shoulder, watching Bucky slide his boxers off. He watched him tear open the wrapper with one hand and his teeth, Johnny making a small pleased noise and wiggling his brows when Bucky looked over. Bucky tried to refrain from laughing, considering how compromised Johnny looked, fully bent over a table yet still making jokes.

He walked over, condom and lube in hand, shaking his head, “You’re a fucking Dork.”

He moved beside him, leaning forward to get Johnny to look to his other side and catch his mouth, kissing him while Storm took the obvious allowance to steal the small bottle in Bucky’s hands and squeeze it a little onto his fingers. He reached over and stroked him a few times listening to Bucky’s breathing pick up, deepening the kiss, slipping his tongue into Bucky’s mouth. A hand slapped his away, rolling the condom on, Bucky shifting behind him. Johnny sighed gratefully, dropping his head down, listening to the lube bottle snap close. Bucky slid himself between Johnny's ass cheeks but not inside like an asshole he was, nosing the back of his neck, “You care if I’m a little rough?”

Immediately Johnny shook his head, pushing his ass back pleased at the groan Bucky wasn’t able to bite back. Fingers retaliated to where Johnny was struck earlier, getting another sharp smack and it rippled through the entirety of him before Bucky tortuously eased into him, a broken moan escaping as he breached tight muscle. Johnny scrabbled for more, begging through choked desperate whimpers and whining. 

Bucky’s hands moved to Johnny’s hips, fingers tightening and digging into his skin where he knew it was already going to bruise. He barely had a second to register the action as Bucky pulled out almost completely and thrust into him hard pushing Johnny even higher up the desk and he had to move his arms again to leverage himself. He gripped the end of the table ahead of him at the mercy of Bucky’s thrusts ramping up as he worked himself into the motions.

Johnny felt like the wind was repeatedly knocked out of him, his palms pressing into the grain feeling the perfect burn of Bucky fucking him hard and fast as he cried out into the air at every snap of his hips, a shrill whine building at the back of his throat silently praying for Bucky not to stop. His head swam as that familiar coiled pressure began to build up inside of him, his own hard cock trapped between him and the smooth clean surface at least getting some sort of friction out of it. 

The tension from Bucky’s hands and digging fingers were causing their own throbbing ache which only served to intensify with his thrusts, the sound of skin slapping hard into skin echoing through the room only made him feel like he was consumed by fire. Bucky moved one hand to hold down against Johnny’s shoulder keeping him firmly in place as he draped over him, still pumping hard into him, barely making any noise aside from his hoarse breathing and the wretched way groans dragged away from him.

Johnny pressed into him, Bucky’s weight pushing down, mouth pressing against his neck, sweat soaked hair brushing against the side of his face, “Buck..!”

Bucky’s lips dusted along his lightly glistened skin, suckling small light insignificant bruises that distracted Johnny enough to cause a sharp helpless yelp when nails dug into his hip. Bucky sucked and bit down painfully at the junction of neck to shoulder, Storm’s eyes closing, a loud moan tearing out of him.

Johnny felt Bucky’s trimmed nails scratch against his shoulder, dragging with his grip. He keened to it, relishing the collection of marks and scratches tingling and darkening along his tanned skin. He wanted more of Bucky, that exciting sting he gave and loved, hearing his labored pants and staggered growls into his skin. He never felt so alive as he did then, the rush of endorphin's and the possessive dominance without the rules, Johnny loved it and Bucky catered to it perfectly.

Bucky was close, long large slender fingers pressing but not wrapping around the front of Johnny’s throat bringing him up just slightly, one of Johnny’s arms moving in front to hold himself up so he could angle forward and it was _right_ there; a faint noise of protest slipping from him over the loss of friction but at the new angle, Bucky’s cock slammed against his prostate with every thrust and his hand took over, moving feverishly around his own unattended leaking dick. So lost in the overwrought sensation of Bucky pounding him home and jerking himself off, he entirely missed Bucky’s hand coming off his hip. 

Skin flushed an angry dark red, clear indentations of his grip, Bucky reached over and replaced Johnny’s hand over his cock. The moment he was touched, Johnny felt a jolt rush through his entire body, cock jumping and wanting to release just from the knowledge that Bucky wanted to get him off. Johnny could only moan out unabashedly over all the sensations attacking him at once, his moved hand grabbing Bucky’s forearm to grip tight, his own fingers sinking into his flesh making sure he would remember it tomorrow.

“Buck... _Buck_..!”

It was all too much for him to handle, a sharp tremor of pleasure tearing down his spine and Johnny blanked out completely for a second the surprise striking him all too fast that he was cumming already. A shattered cry helplessly tore out from somewhere inside of him echoing in the room, squeezing his eyes shut. He hadn’t even realized he broke skin around Bucky’s wrist while he spilled over his lover’s hand. The orgasm rolling so hard through him he felt himself shaking slightly like nothing he had ever experienced before leaving him breathless and floating.

It didn’t take Bucky much longer to cum right after him, gathering Johnny up and pressing his spent body to his chest, letting his head fall back against his shoulder. Small helpless whines slipping past Storm’s lips as he lost himself in the raw oversensitiveness, Bucky barely getting in a couple more hard thrusts before spilling into his condom, burying his sweat dampened face in the crook of his friend’s neck, breath hot and wet against Johnny’s clammy skin.

"Fuck," Bucky muttered out, his lips brushing along Johnny’s earlobe, the male almost didn’t catch it, "I'm sorry, Jo. I just needed.."

Johnny made a tiny noise to cut him off, his body lightly hummed in slight ache but that was the only discomfort, “You needed something and I gave it, seriously Barnes..felt so good..” He slurred out with a lazy smile, his body boneless.

Taking in a few moments for himself, Bucky eventually pulled himself out and removed his condom, tossing it in the trash after tying it off. He maneuvered Johnny into an armchair, stroking his face lightly studying his blissful features. He moved to the bathroom, coming back with a warm wet cloth, wiping him down and pressing a bottle of water in his hand, “Jo, drink this.”

With some coaxing, he managed to get Johnny to the bedroom, the pair of them climbing in and immediately Johnny curled into Bucky. It was always one of the only times Bucky liked cuddling with him, a pang of guilt always lurking when he worked out more aggression than was usual for him but Johnny always took it, _wanted_ it he should have been used to it by now even though he never was.

  
  


Bucky awoke alone and a head full of fog quickly realizing he was back at his actual place. He had stayed with Johnny til the early sunrise, too warm and comfortable to leave. He had drifted in and out of sleep but it never came over him completely, most of the night his fingers stroking hair while Johnny slept with a head on his chest. He never let anyone get so close when he was intimate but even if he hated to admit it, he had a small fondness for the idiot lying naked beside him. Their mutual understanding of his comfort levels and needs allowed him to have this without making it complicated; it was funny to Bucky how very perceptive Storm was, even though he never really acted like he was and that was probably why he liked him the most. He made everything easy.

He climbed out of the four poster bed trying his best to blink out of the haze he was feeling, absently strolling in his boxers to the bathroom trying to file everything, at least he had the good sense to reschedule his appointment for tomorrow. He looked over his wrist, smirking a little at the crescent shaped marks dotting his skin, he hadn't even noticed it until he was getting set to go and he felt more amused than anything. He knew he would have been pissed if it was anyone else but with how many bruises, bites and scratches Johnny got, Bucky was let off easy.

His bare feet padded through the room, yawning as he scratched his stomach. He grasped at a brown robe draped over his armchair, soft and plush, he pulled it over his shoulders still half asleep, the collar of the oversized hood draping around his neck, bear ears sticking off it. He didn’t tie it up, knowing no one was home, maybe Charles but the man had seen him wearing worse..as in nothing. It was way too many times he had honestly lost count.

Bucky wandered through to the kitchen, remembering again that no one was home which meant Imogen wasn't cooking him something and spoiling him.

"Fuck." 

He opened the fridge, eyeballing this and that, a menu of things he could make popping up in his head and an absurdly large amount of leftovers. His stomach abruptly churned, causing a small burp to come up on top of a tired groan. He closed the door, wandering off to the pantry with a hand pressed to his mouth. Fuck making something, he picked up a can of beef stew and popped the lid open with the ring top. He fished for a spoon and took in a mouthful, strolling out to the conservatory. Stopping in the center of the room taking in another mouthful of cold stew, thoughtfully chewing, he looked up at the sky ahead of him contemplating what the hell to do today.

"Oh hey you're finally awake."

Bucky yelped with his mouth full, whirling around in surprise, "What the fuck?!"

Steve put the book down he was reading, quietly seated at the chaise lounge beside the doors and Bucky watched the sandy haired male narrow his eyes at the can, "Are you..eating dog food?"

Grey eyes turned to the can and then back at Steve, "No, it's beef stew. How the hell did you get into my house?"

He finally pulled himself up, "Charles let me in before he said he was leaving to run some errands."

"Remind me to get him fired." Bucky murmured out softly, heading over to one of the lounge chairs, draping himself against it. 

"Hey, don't. C'mon Buck," he timidly took a step closer, "I came to apologize for yesterday. I know I was completely wrong. You were only trying to be my friend and you were only saying stuff that was the truth. I was just being a complete asshole."

He watched Bucky eat another spoonful of what he apparently called beef stew, Steve was still pretty sure it was dog food.

"Damn right you were, then you come in here and insult my beef stew, I can tell you're still judging it."

He opened his mouth to shoot off a remark but thought better of it, pressing his lips together instead. Bucky accepted him back so easily like there was a catch but he knew there wasn’t and that was what made it worse for him. Staring at him silently, he wasn’t sure if him in his boxers was sexy or not while he was draped in a brown robe with a pair of bear ears on the hood. He quickly realized that yes, he could accept this because it was Bucky. That damn beef stew though..

“Let me take you out for an apology lunch.”

Bucky glanced warily over at him, “Rogers, I’m barely awake. I got home maybe six hours ago and my parents are out of town so unless you plan to carry me, I’m not leaving my house because this is the best moment to take advantage of being here. Pizza if you want to eat and movies in my bed or nothing.”

“Deal. Wait, where were you six hours ago?" Steve was pretty sure he didn't want to know but he _had_ to know. 

Dropping his head back, Bucky let his eyes close for a second, "At Johnny's penthouse, would you like a play by play of how we had sex too?"

Raising his hand, Steve made a face, "Nah, I'm good thanks, but I need PJ’s that I won’t hulk out of.” He grinned suddenly pulling his shirt off, going back into the house to head upstairs.

Bucky gave him a bewildered look, watching his muscular back while he walked off. He moved to follow after him, “Wait, did you just say you’re going to rip my clothes if you put them on and who said you can walk through my house half naked? Steve? Steve!” 

Bucky abandoned the can and charged down the corridor and up the stairs after the blond, hearing his drawers pulling open. “I swear if you rip any of my- ”

He found Steve wiggling into one of his vast array of black t-shirts, his head struggling to get through the neck hole while his bicep forced itself out of the arm sleeve. Bucky would have considered it cute if it hadn’t been for the fact that that specific shirt was too small for even him and brand new so it wasn’t even willing to stretch.

“Buck, I think I’m stuck.”

The brunette laughed, staring at the one sleeve probably cutting off the circulation to his arm, his forehead only partially sticking out with his free arm dangling at his side his chest exposed. “Because you’re the asshole that chose the smallest t-shirt I have. I don’t even wear that one.”

A soft whine escaped Steve, “Bucky..”

Bucky took a few seconds more to admire how extremely good Steve looked shirtless then approached him, tugging the material downwards to lean him forward. He pulled as Steve backed away, quickly releasing himself. The blond blinked a few times, his hair messed up in every different direction. “Thanks.”

Bucky wandered through a couple of drawers before he found what he was looking for, a small noise of approval escaping him before he threw a pair of black sweatpants and a white t-shirt in his direction. 

“Those should fit you.”

Examining the pants, Steve looked past them to watch Bucky toss his robe back on the armchair and grab another blanket out of the closet resting it on the bed before crawling in under the covers completely rolling himself up in his comforter before he looked back at Steve, “I’m not putting on more clothes and probably better we don’t spoon while I’m pretty much naked.”

Steve laughed, agreeing completely while he held up the clothes, “Who’s are these, they sure aren’t yours.”

Bucky pulled his laptop onto the empty side of the bed, fingers grazing the touch pad to open Netflix, “Johnny’s clothes.”

The look of pure disgust crossed Steve’s face and he managed not to drop them on the floor in horror, “He’s been here?”

He wasn’t exactly sure how to word ‘so you guys have sex here?’ without sounding a little grossed out. He glanced up when Bucky let out a small snort like Steve said a bad joke.

“No fucking way. I have done it with him in this house but I’ve never taken him into this room. No way. I’ve never slept with anyone in my own bedroom, it’s my place even if I barely come here. Those are just clothes I borrowed when I didn’t have anything to go home in aside from some outfit I didn’t want to wear or something. I haven’t returned them, they’re clean if that’s what you’re worried about.”

Steve supposed he could wear them, his mind reminding him he couldn’t spend the day here anyway as much as he wanted to. He still had to go to work later today much as he would have preferred to relax here instead. He went into the bathroom to change, Bucky completely nested into a perfect burrito already watching the first season of Adventure Time. 

“I thought we were watching a movie.”

“This is better.”

“A cartoon?”

“Shut up and get into bed with me.”

Steve supposed it didn’t matter much what they were watching as long as Bucky accepted his apology, climbing into the bed with the second blanket. He snuggled in front of him, folding his arm against one of the pillows propping his head up. He moved the laptop in front of him, the squish of Bucky’s blanket pushing into him and soon Bucky’s chin pressed against Steve’s shoulder, a hand pressed against his ribs.

“I’m sorry Buck, really I am. I got angry and I said the worse thing I could think of and I shouldn’t have said that. Especially when I know your mom is kind of a jerk, I’m sorry to say.”

“You don’t have to say sorry Steve, I get it.”

Steve face feathered a twitch at the corner of his eye, wincing lightly at the small sound of his low voice, turning around to lay at his side and face Bucky. He raised a hand, the side of his thumb stroking his cheek, “You’re not allowed to just accept things that are bad like you deserve it Bucky. You don’t. And especially what I said, I never should have fucking said it. I keep replaying it over and over in my head like a bad dream. I don’t want you to ever think I meant that because I didn’t. What you do deserve is all the love anyone can give you, all of it. Everyone deserves that, but you especially. I want to be there when someone loves you with their entire being because I want that for you, you do that without even trying, you always do that even if you don’t seem to notice.”

Bucky could only stare back at him, Steve’s eyes were wide with emphasis and the bluest blue, like a cloudless sky. They were so close they shared the air between them and as pissed off and upset as Bucky had been yesterday, he knew Steve much too well to know the blond cared way too much about their friendship to ever destroy it like that. He brought a hand up, fingers delicately resting at the wrist of the hand Steve was stroking his cheek with soaking in the touch. He couldn’t help feeling so drawn to _his_ touch letting his head helplessly lean into it careful to avoid nuzzling into his skin though he so badly wanted to.

“Are you hearing me Buck?”

Bucky nodded.

Steve leaned in closer, nose barely brushing hair, his hand sliding against scruff and down to the back of Bucky’s neck pulling him in gently so his forehead pressed to Steve’s collar wanting nothing more than to save Bucky from everything. His instincts bled for it, he wasn’t sure what feeling it was, like a pull he couldn’t sever between them and he made no indication he ever wanted to. Bucky wasn’t even a fragile helpless person, he wasn’t made of glass; he was able and strong, Steve had no idea if his friend honestly needed him in his life but he could tell already that he needed Bucky. A constant that was so good to him even if he was hiding behind all the bad like a defensive wall to protect himself.

Bucky gripped firmly to Steve’s wrist, nosing his collarbone lightly taking in his familiar scent and feel.

“Come here..” Steve uttered out, dropping himself back against the bed. 

Bucky shifted with his cocoon of blanket pressing the side of his face against Steve’s chest while he felt fingers lost in his brown hair. Bucky fanned his own fingers along Steve’s rib cage, his hand roaming against the material of his shirt eventually curling around the fabric and closing his eyes. The last bit of tension he was always holding slipped away from between his shoulders and he let himself go back to sleep knowing Steve was there. Hoping he would always be there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Steve was singing Can't Help Falling In Love by Elvis Presley. (Twenty One Pilot's version is also pretty cute.)  
> Nerds were singing Radioactive by Imagine Dragons.


	13. I like you more

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Accidents happen, so do drunks, spiders and not so random boyfriends. Oh there’s a Farmer’s Market too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Chapter 13 pic/gif](http://kalika999.tumblr.com/post/143205580490/hunger-of-the-pine-chapter-13-accidents)
> 
> The spider bit is all for StarSpangledBucky (prolly all the Stony too but she knows that already); I know I’m one track minded on this story right now to write other things but I can always offer you dorky humor. <3
> 
> Warnings: Nothing major cept Stony stuff in the shower so fyi. Like usual it's something you can skip by going to the next scene if it ain't your thang.

_“So tell me, why are you here?”_  
_“Clearly because it was assumed I had tried to kill myself which is completely absurd. It was all a complete misunderstanding. I took Diazepam, I was already a little drunk. Like I said to the other shrinks, all I really wanted to do was go to sleep. I was stressed out -”_  
_“About?”_  
_“Life isn’t going the way it should. Things are expected of me. I don’t know if I can actually step up to the plate.”_  
_“Do you drink a lot?”_  
_“No.”_  
_“Continue, please.”_  
_“So anyway, I wanted to have a hot bath, I took some Diazepam. I fell asleep in the tub. Simple.”_  
_“You were found unconscious.”_  
_“At least I didn’t drown, right?”_  
  
  


**Mid October, 2015**  
  
  


Bucky stared up at the ceiling, a hand resting on his chest. He could faintly hear cars and birds and everyone inside waking up, moving around, speaking softly for him. He let his eyes close, laying in soft sheets and pillows, the light of his lamp glaring at him from the corner of the night stand even though it was daylight. His forehead misted lightly in sweat and he stayed carefully still. He was afraid of making any movement, any noise to attract attention to himself. He promised he would try to sleep when they left, he glanced at the backpack on his dresser, heavy tired eyes staring back up at the ceiling. 

He listened to the sound of the front door opening, a delay of it closing, the car starting with two doors opening and slamming shut. He felt himself relax, a soft yawn escaping him but no sleep coming. He refused to close his eyes again, seeing everything that he had tried to forget. He stayed lying awake in the night, the lamp offering support, everything was stronger and louder even though he had no idea why.

Bucky pulled himself up, bare feet quickly taking him out of the bedroom. Lucky sat at the bottom of the stairs, immediately whimpering at him, front paws daring to touch the first couple of steps hesitantly. Bucky’s hand drew out of soft sweatpants as he reached the first floor stroking his palm along gentle fur.

“I’m okay, shh.”

Lucky refused to quiet down though, whimpering and pressing firmly against him, Bucky could only pet the top of his head and along his back, trying his best to stop projecting his exhausted nature. 

He needed a good stiff drink, moving through to the kitchen. He opened one of the cabinets, taking one of the water glasses from the dish rack. He filled a quarter of it with vodka, wanting to sleep with no memories floating around. He would sleep passed out on the floor if he had to, he just needed to. The coffee’s and the energy drinks were doing nothing to keep him awake, he was _tired_ but he was _afraid_ to close his eyes so the next best thing was to knock himself out. 

He drank down the alcohol, Lucky crying softly as he pawed at Bucky’s leg and he nodded down at the canine, “I know, not what I should do but I need to sleep.”

Bucky ran a hand through his hair, not knowing what to do after he went back upstairs. He turned around in a half circle, his hand grabbing and pulling lightly at a handful of his hair, a warm sigh escaping him his eyes roaming out the window to the soft sunlight in the cold afternoon, wisps for smoke from homes wafting into the sky. He dropped his hands on the table top surface, his backpack sitting and staring at him and he turned to stare back at it. He picked up his almost full bottle of beer, drinking it down with a glare. Setting it down when it was empty, he pulled his t-shirt off in irritation searching through the drawers, finding a new t-shirt to wear, the feel of the cool cotton helping soothe his warm skin. He stared at his backpack again from across the room, thinking for a moment. He finally walked towards it, fishing his pills out. He wanted to rid the agitated, shaky feeling swimming inside of him. Silence it and let him rest. He just loathed taking them if he could help it, the fact that they were dangerously addictive was enough for him to take them once in a while, barely close together. He twisted the cap off, two or three half doses sitting and staring at him around a group of round pills. He reached his two fingers in for two whole ones, quickly swallowing them dry. He closed his eyes, lip curled to the bitter taste.

His mind felt a soft fuzzy feeling from the alcohol, moving to the bathroom while Lucky followed closely behind him continuously whimpering at his heels. Lucky sat at the side of the tub, Bucky stripping off and deciding to take a shower, tired of that slightly overheated and clammy sensation that he was feeling at the same time. 

The shower only left him feeling unsatisfied, a stupor overcoming him as he toweled himself off with mechanical muscle memory movements, a thick wave of nausea washing over him. His limbs felt slow, like he was in a thick sludge, he could barely control them anymore; pulling on his clothing, his mind ordering him to the bedroom while he ignored the lurch of his stomach, sourness curling through him. His fingers gripped the frame of the doorway so hard and he almost missed it, one foot almost tangling with the other and Lucky began crying again at his feet as if he was attempting to speak to him, his one good eye desperately staring at him, nose nudging into his leg. He had no idea what was going on anymore.

 

There was the hollow feeling, hazy and thick. It felt so heavy in his head, a dull faint familiar feel as his mouth opened slightly. His body throbbed like he had been in a fight, prickly and warm all over. The faint hum he felt of machines, _those_ machines he already knew where he was before registering that sound of a heart monitor. 

_When?_

There was the sound of shuffling, his eyes fighting to open. His mouth felt dry, not too much use to running his tongue across his bottom lip but he did it. A cup came to his mouth, a warm hand holding his head to push him up the fingers softly caressing his scalp. It felt good, familiar. The water ran down his throat and he drank it too fast, coughing out. He raised his hand tiredly, his eyes finally opening to see why it felt so heavy. 

Barnes, James Buchanan around his wrist. The heart monitor clipped around his finger, intravenous tube taped to the back of his hand dropping it back onto the bed. He didn’t want to see where it ended, hated seeing that. His eyes rolled to the right side of him, Nat still stroking his hair lightly. He pressed the side of his head against her, his knees softly curling into him underneath the covers, his body lightly protesting and he was sure there were bruises.

It took him a minute to notice a second person in the room, seated quietly in the back, the click of heels finally turning his attention that way. Dr. Potts was seated, watching him carefully, a gentle smile on her face. That was when Bucky realized something was off. 

He looked up at the redhead, “Nat? What did I do?”

Panic kicked in, rising inside of him like smoke through the air, his breathing picked up, his psychologist rose when the sound of the heart monitor went up. Natasha took his hand with her spare one, reassuringly kissing the top of head, “You’re okay Kotyonok. You’re okay. You were drunk, you had a little mix up, you took too many pills, you usually only take one or two. You must have tripped, I came home with Steve and you were at the bottom of the stairs. At least Lucky was there, I think he saved your life. You must have thrown up at some point but you somehow managed to be on your side after.”

Bucky furrowed his brows in confusion, raising a shaky hand to his head feeling out the bandage around his head. 

Shit Steve, shit. Too many pills? He was sure he took two. Maybe?

“Shit.”

His eyes darted to his psychologist, then to Natasha. He looked towards the doorway, the glass showing no one but he knew.

_Shit, shit, SHIT._

The beeping went up, a gentle alert going off.

He felt Natasha move both hands to his shoulders, getting him to turn and look at her, he was aware Dr. Potts moved closer as well. 

Bucky felt empty, vacant. He was completely confused, whatever they were giving him made taking the news like he was just barely holding himself from drowning. He didn’t understand the grogginess he was feeling. The slow way something was curling itself around him but not exactly clutching on to him, not just yet at least.

“You’re okay, I know you didn’t try to do anything bad. You’re okay Buck. Just relax, shh.”

She enveloped him in her arms and he leaned into her touch, resting his head against her chest again, feeling the distant feeling of his ankle lightly being rubbed through the blanket. 

The door opened, a nurse hurriedly stepping in to check on him. 

“He’s fine nurse. He just panicked a little.” Pepper was talking and Bucky didn’t look up. He wanted it all to go away. He wanted to go home, dread overwhelming him.

_“Nat, take me home. I need to go home.”_ He murmured to her in soft desperate Romanian, his voice barely above a whisper against her shirt. 

She tucked her head down, mouth close to his ear, _“They need your psychologist to sign off on releasing you and they won’t let you leave til tomorrow anyway.”_

He felt his heart sink, gripping her tighter to him. She continued to stroke his hair while the nurse checked his pulse and his drip then took off again. The door closed and instead of an empty hallway like the first time, Steve stood looking completely nervous and maybe hopeful. 

“Did Steve see everything?”

“He came with me. He gave me a ride home, I told him to come in for some coffee and then you were on the floor. I practically had to stop him from picking you up and walking to the hospital on his own he was so angry at the ambulance taking too long.”

Bucky sighed inwardly, dropping his head back on the pillows. He closed his eyes, his head rolling from side to side slowly, shaking it. He should have been touched but he was embarrassed and felt stupid, knowing he most likely knew what happened. 

“I’m going outside so you can talk, okay?”

He nodded to Natasha, waiting a few seconds til he heard the door open, then promptly close again. His eyes opened to look at the woman that held the key to him getting out of here. 

“So you forgot again, huh?”

Bucky let out an audible groan, “I did. Do you honestly think, really, do you think I would go this far? I could do much better than this, believe me. And before you think it’s a cry for help, it’s not. I’m just a fucking idiot.”

She moved to rest a hand on his arm, hesitating and waiting for permission and Bucky nodded slightly before she did it, “Don’t say you’re an idiot and I do believe you. I had already signed off on releasing you.”

“I..I, thanks..?” He was at a loss for words, hoping that his face whatever was needed to be said. Her soft smile widened a bit, giving his arm a squeeze before rubbing the spot gently. “We’ve talked enough for me to know some things about you, though you’re hiding one big thing.”

Bucky bit his lip, nodding slightly in repayment. She seemed to have waited to see if he would elaborate but nothing else was said though she didn’t take it to heart, her eyes glancing towards the door. 

“Your friends seem to care about you very much.”

Bucky nodded softly, his eyes staring at the thin off white blanket over him.

“Is that the Steve you talk about?”

He raised his head to deflect or at least say no but that look on her face, that expression saying she already knew the answer. There was a brightness in her eyes that he only picked up when she was really pleased about something. She was older than him but not by much though right then it made him think of her as younger, a teenager knowing a secret and more than happy to keep it quiet. It was infectious too, his mouth closed giving her a knowing smile instead.

“He’s cute. I was worried he was going to punch out one of doctors when Natasha was asking if they could see you and she wasn’t getting a straight answer.”

Bucky felt himself blush, making no effort to hide it. He pressed his hands over his thighs, smoothing the blanket out, “He gets like that, he’s really protective and..he has a boyfriend..”

“As you’ve mentioned. Still, its nice to have someone care about you so much and it’s very clear he does.”

Bucky could only look at her with a smile and his lips stayed pressed together, his head still feeling foggy and thick. 

 

Natasha watched Steve anxiously stare at his shoes, hunched over in one of the chairs in the hallway. Her phone pinged, taking a few steps away to check it. Green eyes glanced back to the blond, texting a message back to the person. 

She slipped the phone back into her pants pocket, carefully approaching him. “Steve, I know you’re worried about Bucky but I was wondering if I could trouble you for coffee from the cafe in the front lobby, Bucky will probably appreciate it. If his psychologist finishes up earlier, I’ll send you a text.”

Steve glanced up, his eyes red rimmed and stoic but he nodded quickly to her, raising himself to his feet. “Yeah that actually sounds like a good idea. I could get myself coffee too.” 

He shuffled off down the hallway while she watched him go off into one of the elevators with her arms folded over her chest, brows furrowed. 

A couple minutes later another elevator opened, Brock storming down the hallway. His eyes caught sight of Natasha, “What room?!”

She tried to stand in his path of destruction, lightly caressing his arms, “He’s with his doctor, Brock you can’t go in there- ”

“The hell with that!” He pushed her aside without too much force, wrenching the door open to Bucky’s private room.

 

Steve stirred his coffee, staring as the milk bled into the black. The scene kept replaying over and over again in his mind. He couldn’t remember what they were talking about, Steve leaning against the outside frame of the door. Natasha’s key jingled softly again the other ones on the ring and he turned to the street to admire the view of the park from here and give her a moment to get inside. 

The way his skin crawled and his throat tightened when she cried out Bucky’s name made him wish he never heard it. He had never thought he would hear something so out of character from Natasha, she was so calm and controlled, he knew she was still stronger than he was the moment he pushed the front door wider to see what she saw and found her kneeling over his body.

_His body._

“Buck?” 

It came out but he had no idea what the purpose was. He suddenly couldn’t breathe and his face had fallen. Bucky looked so much more paler than usual, Natasha blocking sight of his upper frame but his legs were just laying there haphazardly, one bent under the other awkwardly.

“Bucky!”

His voice, one that he didn’t even recognize, was louder and _scared_ , he knew it was his but he was so detached to it. Natasha looked up just in time to move out of his way as he shouldered himself to the floor beside him. He didn’t even see her anymore, Lucky pressed by Bucky’s torso and crying helplessly not flinching about Steve clamoring down beside him. Steve’s sight narrowed to the frighteningly still body on the floor, partially twisted to his side, he saw the vomit on the floor, tears welling in his eyes as instincts kicked and he gathered him into his arms. His body felt lukewarm against him, the sight of his limbs just dropping to his sides choked a cry from him, pressing him tighter to his chest.

Natasha pressed a hand against his shoulder and Steve barely heard her say that he was alive and she was calling 911.

He pulled his sleeve over his hand, wiping his blank face, checking to find a pulse that was barely there, Bucky’s head fallen back, draping over Steve’s forearm like an unstrung puppet. His palm pressed against Bucky’s cooled cheek and that was when Steve realized he had started crying, “Buck..?”

He stroked Bucky’s hair like he liked, leaning closer in hopes he could see him stir but Steve barely felt the shallow air from his breathing. 

Steve’s shoulders shook, sobbing harder when Bucky didn’t respond. “Don’t leave me..please..” 

He cradled his body up higher to his chest, burying his face against the crook of the brunette’s neck, “You’re scaring me Bucky..you need to wake up..”

He stared at his face, his dread filled gaze hoping to will him into moving, holding Bucky tight and close, he blinked through his tears turning his head to the side, “Natasha where’s the paramedics?!”

She looked back at him from the doorway, hands not knowing what to do, clasped together anxiously, “They’re coming Steve, soon.”

Anger awoke and raced through him, dampening all the pain and misery that had been soaking into every crevice of his body and ignited rage. His hand flickering over Bucky’s hair but still finding no reaction. He gathered him up in his arms, his mind only telling him to take him himself and for nothing to stop him. He turned for the door only to have Natasha blocking his way.

“Steve! Steve stop.” 

She clutched his startled face, forcing her to look at him, Bucky in his arms between them, hushing him gently, her fingers stroked his skin to calm him. 

“Shh, shh you need to stop and breathe Steve, look at me. They’re almost here. Shh. Just listen,” Her thumbs softly stroked circles into his skin, “Can you hear the sirens?”

Steve’s eyes became smaller, his brows moving down as he listened silently, definitely hearing the ambulance in the distance. “Yeah..I hear them..”

“Good, we need to wait for them, okay? You know this, they’re almost here and they’ll help him faster than you can getting him there. Alright?”

Blinking a few times, her touch calmed him as he looked at her nodding towards him and giving him a look that she completely understood his reaction. It bought his mind back to the present, a soft breeze from the open doorway brushing against his tear stained cheeks and that was the moment he saw that she was crying too. Fresh tears breaking away as he leaned forward to press his forehead against her temple, one of her hands brushing through Bucky’s hair. 

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I got scared, I know he’s okay, I’m sorry Nat.”

She hushed him, turning her head to the ambulance pulling up and she turned to touch his face, “It’s okay, I know you’re scared, it’s okay..”

 

Bucky lightly bit his bottom lip, staring at his hands absently. He only raised it again when Natasha’s voice was muffled but louder than usual. The door flew open, Brock marching past Dr. Potts like a bull in a ring. 

“You! I outta..!”

The look on his face was pure anger and rage, red and flushed. His fists balled, body tense and hulking at the side of his hospital bed as if seconds from striking Bucky. He was almost panting, breath so heavy he was practically growling, a roll of his shoulders as he drew in a long intake of air.

Dr. Potts turned back to the door in worry, Natasha bracing herself at the frame with a shake of her head.

“ _Rummy_.”

Everything seemed to melt in Rumlow, fists uncurling into large slightly shaking fingers reaching out to cup Bucky’s face tenderly. “My fucking god, I swear you’re going to be the death of me, Kid. I swear..I swear it. My god..”

He trailed off, planting a kiss on the brunette’s forehead as if he would be blessed by it. He wrapped him tightly to him, pressing him hard into his chest.

Bucky let his eyes close, gripping onto the back of his shirt in tight fists.

He drew his head back to examine Bucky’s face, focused eyes darting around, his fingers lightly grazing the bandage fretfully. 

His eyes gazed at the brunette, “I’m okay, I just bumped my head.”

“You Fucking Overdosed And Fell Down The Fucking Stairs Bucky Don’t Give- ” Rumlow stopped himself, shaking his head. He knew it wasn’t as bad as he just said but the fact that that’s basically what happened angered him to no end. 

He softened his gruff voice, “What if you weren’t somewhere safe huh? Thank god for a fucking dog that knows what to do, Jesus I need to buy that fuckin’ mutt a box of Kobe steaks.” He pushed Bucky’s head back against his chest, clutching tightly to him.

Bucky felt his cheek press hard into muscled flesh, whining out softly, Brock’s hand cuffed at the back of his neck. “You’re worse than a parent. You’re the one that I should worry about, with your habit.”

“None of that. I ain’t having none of your frettin’ about me today. Get some rest, Baby Boy. I just came to check up on you before I gotta pack. I was ready to kick the everloving shit out of you if I had to.” 

A panic washed over Bucky, his eyes widening a little bit grasping at one of his hands, “Packing for what?”

Brock tilted his head towards the window, “A pair of amateur boxers I train got me going to Boston with ‘em. I’ll be back on Sunday, but I wasn’t gonna leave without seeing you.”

He attempted to hide his disappointment knowing Brock loved training guys at what he excelled at, he gave them all the encouragement and support he could, trained them hard and always got results. This was Brock in his element and Bucky always wanted him to stay there. He pressed against him quietly, “Miss you already.”

Rumlow brought his arms around Bucky giving him a tight hug, “Me too Baby. I’m glad you’re alright though, take it easy while I’m gone, you hear me?”

Bucky was quick to nod keeping him in the hug for as long as he could.

 

He sighed, falling asleep again almost as soon as he relaxed into the softness beneath his head. 

Fingers brushed along his forehead, soft and light so not to wake him. His eyes fluttered open slowly, the light blinding him for a second. The fingers paused, drawing away and suddenly Bucky wanted to demand them back. He opened his mouth to speak, a dry cough escaping instead; whatever they had given him prior to his first waking up, he really needed to take some home. Hopefully it would work out of him soon enough. He felt the cup press at his mouth and his head was pushed forward, he took a slow careful sip this time remembering not to choke. He finally opened his eyes, seeing Steve’s endless ocean blues staring intently back at him.

He swallowed the rest of the water, settling back into the pillows. He looked around to note it was still daylight out but no one else in the room. 

“They went to get something to eat and stretch their legs. They try to restrict the room to two people per patient so while they go, I got to sit with you and be creepy while you slept.”

A faint line of a smile appeared and Steve smiled back at him, “I’m sorry you saw me like that.”

“What? Are you kidding? Doesn’t matter what I saw Buck, as long as you’re okay.”

Bucky reached for the bandage around his head again, nodding slowly, “I’m still together.”

The door opened, a worried face peeking inside before their expression changed, “Oh Bluejay you’re awake!”

Bucky’s face shifted in surprise, “Imogen?”

Steve’s brows stitched together in thought, “Bluejay?”

He turned his head towards the blond, narrowing his eyes at him, “Did you tell her?”

She let herself in shaking her head as she slipped a floral scarf off her head, “No James, Natasha told Charles and he told me. She was worried about you when you were unconscious but she also wanted to make sure the hospital didn’t contact your parents. She told me you were okay but I had to check, really see if you were alright.”

As she approached closer, Bucky felt tears fill his eyes, shame overwhelming him for making her worry.

“I just..I just fell down the stairs, I’m sorry Imogen.”

He couldn’t hold them back as they spilled down his face when he moved his head to look down slightly and avoid her eyes. Steve moved aside to give her some room, cupping Bucky’s face firmly to get him to look at her. 

“Don’t need to be sorry as long as you’re safe.” She pulled him to her chest and he immediately pressed against her, arms encircling her, his hands gripping tight to the fabric of her coat not wanting to let go.

Steve heard him softly mutter more sorry’s to her as if he was asking for her forgiveness and he let them have a moment, slipping out of the room and into the hallway. He wandered over to the vending machines, scrounging his pocket for change, throwing a few coins in to get a couple packs of M&M’s. He moved back to the chairs, resting one down on the seat beside him, opening the other to chew a couple, staring at the off white walls feeling the weight sit on his shoulders, still there pushing him down. As far as he was concerned, Bucky wasn’t safe til he out of there, it was just his nervousness around hospitals. He didn’t hate them, he just found a discomfort to them since he was younger and it carried onto whoever he was there to see as well.

Imogen stepped out of the room and into the hallway, Steve pulling himself up as soon as he saw her and she gave him a gentle smile, “He’s waiting for you.”

“You don’t have to leave so quickly, you could stay. I don’t mind waiting.”

A hand came out to rest on his arm, giving it a light pat then a soft reassuring squeeze, “Charles is waiting in the car for me, he just wanted to bring me over so I could check up on James. He’s as worried as I was but he pretends he’s not, you know how some men are.”

Steve gave her a soft smile, nodding to her words, “He’s okay, nothing to worry about.” 

He wasn’t sure if that was entirely directed to Imogen or more to himself.

She could only nod to him, giving his arm another quick squeeze, “Tell me Steven, are you alright?”

The question caught him by surprise, his eyes blinking once and widening slightly as if he had just woken up, “Me? Oh, yeah I’m fine sure.” 

She stared at him like she knew there was more he was going to say and he sighed with a slight shrug, “I was scared out of my mind. I thought he was dead, he wasn’t moving. I’ve never thought of him being taken away forever and it just hit me really hard. I know..”

He paused to look at her, _really_ look at her and she only smiled patiently, her hand gone and clasped with her other hand and her scarf between her fingers.

He cleared his throat nervously, “I just, I mean I know it’s only been a little over two months or so, something like that but I feel like I’ve known him for years. Then I saw him on the floor and I lost my mind, I panicked. I’m a little shaky but I think I’ll be fine, just a shock.”

“He scared us all but sometimes you just have to let him fly and trust him to come back.”

Steve dropped his head, drawing in a slow breath. He understood exactly what she meant, nodding softly, “He does that a lot doesn’t he? _Flying_ away? I feel like everyone he’s close to has a metaphor for what he does. He’s done it to me already and all I could do was wait.”

She agreed, “He’s worth waiting for, but look I should go. Charles is waiting and you should get in your time before he gets tired which looks like something you need to do as well. Goodbye Steven.”

He gave her a smile, “Ma’am.”

She started to walk towards the elevators, giving him a glance over her shoulder, “You can call me Imogen, what you say makes me sound like a grandmother.”

A chuckle escaped him as he watched her step into the car, giving her a small wave goodbye. He let himself back in the room, Bucky had settled back into the pillows watching him come in and gave him a smile. Steve gave him one right back, returning back into the chair beside his bed and he only stared at him, pursing his lips. 

Bucky curiously watched him shifting and fidgeting, his hand raising lightly to flick the male’s nose, “What?”

Steve gave him a pained smile, holding his right hand, “I was just so freaked out, you could have been dead. You really could have been dead on the other side of that door where Nat made a joke while she was getting her keys out and I was being so casual on the frame of it. Thank god for Lucky. He was laying in front of your body so you were pinned on your side between him and the base of the stairs like he knew what to do..”

Bucky moved his hand, it had been resting at the edge of the bed after touching Steve’s nose. He lightly, hesitantly brushed them against Steve’s scruff, some patches of hair a darker blond that began going a brown around his jaw giving him a comforting smile. 

“Lucky is a trained therapy dog. He’s not officially registered but he’s trained and gets re-evaluated every year. Clint used to take him to this YMCA thing that had a program for kids to read to animals. Clint’s an orphan, he always said if there was a way to give kids a better life than what he had before we met, he would do it. He went out, got Lucky trained and that was that. Unfortunately it closed down a couple years ago, but Clint never stopped keeping him up to date. He’s good for me though, he keeps me calm when I feel agitated or stressed about certain things. He has a sixth sense about it and I guess he just did what he felt was right. I’m alive though, stop thinking of what could have been and focus on what is. You worry about yourself. No reason to worry about me you big Sap. I owe that damn dog a reward though. Imagine dying in your own puke, that would suck.”

Steve couldn’t help but tilt his head into Bucky’s touch, “You’re one of my best friends, don’t tell how to feel you Asshole and don’t say stupid things like that. I don’t know if it’s you or the drugs but don’t.”

“Steve, I’m okay. You really don’t need to worry over me.”

He shook his head furiously, taking Bucky’s hand in his and abruptly he paused for a moment to really look at them. Soft long fingers on artists hands, sometimes clumsy but they had a graceful fluency to them; they would have haunted him for the rest of his life. They squeezed his own but he couldn't get past just how upset he was.

“If you had landed in a different way you could have broken your neck. Don’t talk like it’s not a big deal. _You could have died Bucky_!”

Bucky only closed his eyes absorbing Steve’s outburst with a grain of salt, soon feeling fingers touch his face gently and he finally allowed himself to open them and give Steve a little smile, “I never did it on purpose, I would never mean to leave you all.”

“I just got so damn scared.”

“I heard.”

Steve’s lips shaped stubborn pout, hating that he was mentioned during his moment of panic but not hiding how upset he really got. He kept staring at those grey eyes. Bucky’s face open and soft, unguarded. Faint stubble along his jaw and around his mouth, his lips twitching with a faint smile just studying his friend. 

His voice dropped to barely a whisper, “You scared me, Buck. You keep scaring me and you’re really good at it. You need to be more careful, for me..well for everyone. Were you not sleeping again?”

He shrugged slightly, “Sometimes it happens. Nightmares just too nearby when I close my eyes, I don’t even know what they are but I _sense_ them and I just don’t want to sleep. I get scared..I don’t..I don’t like them.”

“It ends up being a worse outcome though Buck. You can always tell me, or anyone else. None of us want this to happen again."

Bucky could only stare at him thoughtfully, contemplating something before he smiled thinly, “So, did you properly introduce yourself to Dr. Potts?”

Mouth slightly agape, Steve could only look at him with a pink color sinking into his cheeks, “Uh yeah, she introduced herself to me actually. I think it was more because I wanted to bench press two doctors giving Natasha no information which I thought was completely ridiculous. Bucky you could have told me you were seeing a psychologist, I wouldn’t have cared.” 

Bucky shrugged slightly, “I never saw the point. You were okay with thinking they were doctor’s appointments and technically they were and I’m not crazy so whatever. I have to go to them because..this isn’t the first time I’ve done this, I told you Steve, I’m a klutzy idiot.”

The tension lines across Steve’s brows tightened, blue steel colored eyes staring hard at Bucky, “Were you drinking the last time too?”

Bucky raised his brows feigning surprise, his mouth curving in an uncomfortable smile, “How’d you guess?”

“Bucky..”

Bucky waved his hand dismissing him, “Oh come on, I’m not in the mood so don’t even start.”

He opened his mouth to respond but only stopped himself when he saw the small wince of tension cross Bucky’s face and then soon enough his fingers brushed at his bandage acting as if he was brushing a hand over his hair.

“Hey Steve?"

He let it go, giving Bucky a smile, watching the brunette’s hands come together nervously then draw apart again, “I'm sorry for saying your head was in the clouds..before I mean."

"Buck- "

Bucky shook his head, "No, no one should say what I said either. You're one of my best friends and I was being a dick. I shouldn't have pissed on what makes you happy."

Steve moved his hands over Bucky's, his voice came out firmer than he wanted but it did the trick, "Bucky, stop. Please."

He looked at him curiously, swallowing.

"I know you never meant that, I know you want me to have a happy ending like all those stupid movies. I know. Everything I said, I shouldn't have said. Out of anything, you have to remember that you deserve everything."

Steve watched the corner of Bucky’s mouth pull out, shifting out into a half smile for Steve with a nod before he dropped his head looking at his identification bracelet. He knew it was supposed to confirm that he was listening, soaking it in but it only looked like he was trying his best to look polite while swallowing a mouthful of bile. It was the only way he could describe the smile not matching his eyes, distant and dimmed, then returning to look at him again when he was satisfied he had tricked Steve enough to be left alone.

And God, Steve hated it.

He decided to change the subject and shelve that away for another day, moving his hands off Bucky’s to smooth out the bedsheet in the space between the edge and Bucky’s leg, “So what are you going to dress up as for Tony’s Halloween party?”

“No idea, I can’t just come in a sweater and jeans?”

Steve rolled his eyes and Bucky gave him another smile, lightly poking his cheek.

“No, of course not and don’t you dare come in wearing a bedsheet and saying you’re a ghost because I swear..”

“Why you stealing my ideas?”

The blond couldn’t help but chuckle softly, “Please Buck, come on. Go all out.”

“If I try to get a decent costume just for you, how do you feel about doing me a favor and smuggling me out of here then?”

Their eyes locked, a small smirk playing on Steve’s face before he gently took the hand against his face, holding it with both of his. “I’m pretty sure that’s some kind of illegal.”

“I’m pretty sure it’s not when I’m already signed off.”

“You’re still on overnight observation and whatever they hit you with before, you’re still getting the effects of it. You’ve been sleeping like a log.”

Bucky groaned out softly, forming his mouth into a small frown, “You too? No one wants me to escape this place. I hate hospitals, I just want to go home.”

A crease across Steve’s forehead appeared, lost in his thoughts as he looked away. He glanced back up, his gaze suddenly sheepish. Bucky only stared back at him suspiciously, “What?”

“I could come back later, stay with you, if that's what you want. I can bring us some dinner, bring your laptop and just watch movies.”

Bucky almost told him yes halfway through the offer, his fingers slipping through the clasped hands to hold Steve’s wrist lightly like he was going to change his mind right after. He only stopped his immediate answer when he realized what day it was, “You got cooking class though, I thought the point of it being once a week was not to miss it and your best friend is teaching you.”

He glanced down at his shoes, shrugging softly, “Sam already asked me if I was coming. Then he just told me not to worry about the class, if we were interested we could do the class at his place so we didn’t miss a thing. I’m asking you Buck, if you want me.”

Bucky looked anywhere but at Steve’s face, desperately wanting to tell him he’s always wanted him. He rubbed a hand over his eyes instead, complying with a nod of his head. “Yeah, yes. Don’t bring anything that's not making grease stains on the bag alright? I’m going to die from starvation over the discolored puke they always serve in the hospitals these days.”

He felt him squeeze his hand, glancing over at Steve beaming with a smile, “I promise. Only heart attacks and fat clogging on the menu.”

They turned when there was a knock at the door, Sam peeking his head in innocently, “Wanted to say hi before I took Steve away, is it okay to come in?”

“Of course, come in.” Bucky welcomed with a gesture of his hand as Steve stood upright, a hand brushing over Bucky’s hair one time before they both just dropped to his sides.

“How are you feeling Bucky?”

A shrug escaped him, “Could be better. My head kind of hurts but I’m mildly doped up so usually I’m sleeping. I’ll be out of here tomorrow morning.”

He patted Bucky’s leg, “That’s great! I’m glad it wasn’t anything serious, I heard Steve was ready to wreck this place.”

“I was not!” He spat out, face flushing.

“Right Steve." Sam glanced over at Bucky with a knowing look and Bucky could only stifle a laugh while Steve glared at both of them which only made him look like an overgrown child.

 

The ride back home in Sam's SUV was leaving Steve quiet, lost in his thoughts of Bucky laying in the hospital bed drugged out of his mind when they first got there. He looked so pale and tiny. The dark circles around his eyes deeper in color and seemed to spread out more. He shifted in his seat, watching trees and houses pass, he kept torturing himself replaying when they first entered the brownstone. He didn’t even hear Lucky barking frantically til the door was opened and as soon as they saw Bucky, Steve went blind. Natasha was the calm and collected one though she was rattled to say the least. She was the one calling the ambulance and keeping a straight head in giving him instructions on checking his airways and pulse, re-routing all the dispatchers information to him. Steve was absolutely stupid. He had taken first aid training for work, had to use it a few times, he renewed it whenever he needed to but the second he laid eyes on Bucky laying on the floor not moving, he had completely lost his mind. He had completely gathered him up in his arms ready to run him out the door on foot. If he had broken bones, he would have made them worse, he was in complete shock and knew if Natasha wasn’t there to calm him down he could have possibly ended up making everything _much_ worse.

He felt Sam look over at him again, he noticed he was from time to time but he didn't bother to acknowledge it. He was going home and he _dreaded_ it, the fact sat there making him nervous. He wasn't about to ask Sam to come with him especially with the class but he wanted to, so badly.

"I'm really still worried about Bucky."

"I know you are, but look, the doctor's said and he also said he was free to go tomorrow morning and you can go see him tonight. Relax right now, get some rest, take a shower. Freshen up. It'll be good for you, man. Later you can go see him and hang out."

“He could have died Sam. I really thought he was dead for a split second. I was terrified."

Sam clenched his jaw, “But he wasn’t dead. He isn’t anything bad. He has a bump on his head and some bruises, he’s _fine_. You’re wearing yourself thin thinking of what could have happened when you don’t need to. He’s alive, he’s talking. He’s himself. You should be glad he’s okay and focus on that."

He nodded at the brunette, eyes roaming over the storefront windows, watching the sunlight reflect and bounce. He picked his phone up, checking his messages. Tony's last text was an hour ago, asking if he was alright after he had informed him about being stressed out because he was at the hospital. He didn't really ask about Bucky, but to Steve with the way he had been acting as of late, he really didn’t blame him. He didn't dwell on it, the more Tony wasn't trying to ask about Bucky the better. He had already had his hands full feeling the way he was sometimes thinking about him and his smile..

"What're you smiling about?"

Steve blinked a few times, looking over at Sam who had his complete attention on him, pulled over at the front of his building already waiting patiently for Steve to get out.

"Oh, uh. Nothing."

"Right."

"Really. Anyway, thanks for the ride Sam, have fun in class!"

"Take care of yourself today Rogers, I mean it!"

They gave each other a hug and Steve decided running inside and away from Sam Wilson's careful, watchful gaze was the best idea in the whole wide world right then.

He stepped inside the apartment, the gentle creak of the door swinging wide echoed through the small cozy apartment. He stood in the doorway for a moment, his face giving nothing away while his blue eyes gradually swept around his home. 

A half tossed blanket and a worn ratty hoodie sat on the back of the couch, a pair of used mugs on the counter. A pair of skate shoes by his own shoes. The kitchen table held a half eaten chocolate pudding cup that was not his, things he hadn’t cleaned up from yesterday. He couldn't help the smile curve his lips for a moment, letting the door close once he moved aside, locking it behind him. The sounds echoed and his smile went away again, sighing out loudly. It felt empty and he suddenly missed not only Bucky but everyone in his life right now.

He raked a hand through his hair, tossing his keys on the side table by the door, he definitely needed a shower. In the bedroom he felt worse, suddenly the pit of his stomach aching and gnawing nervously into him. How many nights and days had Tony been in this room, their shared room when he was able to come over? He completely lost count, he used to but he slowly let go, accepting that he never had to keep track and it was better that way. His hand rested on the frame of the door, his fingers gliding over the white smooth surface. His eyes had fixated on his bed, suddenly afraid to approach it. Bucky crossed his mind, his soft breathing onto his skin, hands holding his in the darkness. Bucky had more life in the whole of the apartment than Tony did and it was ridiculous thinking like that.

"Fuck Rogers, stop this. What the hell are you doing?" He snapped, forcing his legs to work and get inside the room. He tore open his drawer, grabbing a change of clothes. He had to clear his head, get a shower in and take a rest. Sam was right, he really _needed_ those two good things because he was starting to wonder if he was losing his goddamn mind.

 

Steve lightly knocked on the door before opening it, his head popping in with a goofy smile on his face, “Are you decent?”

He could barely contain his excitement when Bucky’s face went from lazy and tired to instant sunshine, his face beaming with a wide happy smile, bright eyes widening as he reached out for him making cute grabby hands in his direction.

Steve let himself inside, a large fast food bag held by his fingers, a tray with two large shakes balancing with his hand and chest. He kicked the door closed with his foot, his other hand holding up his backpack, resting it against the bed by his legs, putting the food down on the tray table. 

“Are you hungry? It’s still warm..”

Bucky continued smiling happily, gesturing his arms out for Steve to hug him and he leaned over the bed’s rail to hug Bucky long and hard practically pulling him partially off the bed with shared enthusiasm. 

He didn’t seem to mind though, hugging him with equal strength, “I’m sorry, I’m just so happy to see you right now.”

Steve didn’t let go and Bucky didn’t pull back, a smile spreading across his face, the brim of his ball cap bumping into Bucky’s head. He tugged it off, tossing it on the bed to rest his head against Bucky’s and it felt so good to relish in the feeling that he was missed and needed. 

Bucky curled into the warmth that was entirely Steve. He couldn’t help it. It was insanely boring watching the same thing on the limited television and all he wanted to do was be at the apartment and hang out with him. He was almost shaking over the idea of him coming back and just relaxing together. He missed him _badly_ and the feeling wouldn’t leave him. Instead he just gave in to it, hoping his best friend was feeling the same way because God it was ridiculous how he couldn’t be without him for even half a day.

Bucky finally pulled back, not able to wipe the grin off his face, his hand gesturing to the food, “What did you bring me?”

Grabbing the bag, Steve moved it so the dinner tray was in front of Bucky, “Angie’s special. Double bacon cheeseburgers, loaded fries, a slice of pie each and two of the thickest shakes she could make.”

He took out one of the large Styrofoam containers out, perfect neat cursive sprawled across the top in blue ink, ‘ _Feel better Handsome._ ’ complete with a smiley face. Bucky laughed, opening the container to reveal the burger and fries, “I hope you tipped her well.”

“Don’t I always?” He shot back, placing his take out on the side table, small clear plastic containers with the slices of pie sat on the tray, shakes following after them.

Bucky beamed, “Chocolate?”

Steve nodded, “Both are.”

He froze from putting the straw in his mouth, watching Steve seat himself in the chair next to the bed, “But you like strawberry.”

A shrug escaped the blond with a casual nonchalant expression on his face like it didn’t much matter, his eyes looking up at the television to see what was playing while he opened the lid of his take out to dig into his burger, “I like you more.”

The blush spread across Bucky’s face faster than he could react to it, trying to suck back on the straw to take in as much of his shake as possible to quell the fire rushing through him. Steve didn’t react nor did he notice, chewing away while he watched the opening credits for the Simpsons playing. Bucky could only internally sigh, distracting himself with his food feeling much too shy all of sudden.

 

Bucky yawned, tilting his head to one side trying to focus on the movie on his laptop. It was dark in the room and getting later by the minute though Bucky tried to stay up for as long as he could not wanting to miss a beat with Steve still hanging around. 

“You can sleep you know. Don’t let me or the movie get in your way.”

“It’s cold.”

He tried to settle in again with his back turned, hearing the chair scrape against the floor then the sounds of shoes shuffled against the floor. Bucky opened his eyes to look over just to see Steve climb into the bed.

“This okay?”

Bucky didn’t bother answering, turning to face him instead to soak in and curl into the warmth of his body. It wasn’t ideal, the bed was made for one person for what was considered possibly comfortable with someone like Steve in mind or roomy for someone like Bucky, but with both of them it was a tight fit of laying side by side. At least it was a private room and that was better than nothing.

The heat off his body though was all worth it, Bucky’s intravenous line removed but his heart monitor still holding tight to his digit. His hands clutched at his shirt gingerly, face buried against Steve’s neck with a slight shiver aching to be warmed quickly, “No idea how you burn like a furnace but it’s so good.” 

He felt Steve chuckle lightly against him in response, tugging the blanket tighter over them. Bucky tried his best not to move too much wanting to practically climb into Steve. He was so attracted to the body heat he burned out, the cool air tolerable in the hospital room but when Steve was near him, Bucky needed to take advantage whenever the cold took him. He knew Steve was watching the movie still and he quickly settled himself in exhaling a yawn, quickly losing himself in sleep.

Steve gently stroked Bucky’s hair as he listened to his slow shallow breaths his body practically melted into him and he knew like he had predicted he would that if he wasn’t watching himself that he would fall for Bucky and that’s precisely what happened. He had given up trying to fight the strong emotional pull he had for him, it was alarming how raw and pure the feeling was. He had no idea what degree it was at and was helpless to it knowing if he kept fighting it was only causing things to become worse, more _extreme_ so he let go instead. It was hitting him hard though and he couldn’t do anything but go with the undertow which was a little bit overwhelming at times, like right then. 

He pressed Bucky closer to him, the feel of his face nuzzling into his chest with nothing to worry about. He allowed himself the pleasure to raise a hand up, fingers gently stroking his hair while he slept like that. He wondered what the hell he was doing to himself. He had no plans to let go of Tony, he knew he loved him, he still felt everything he felt prior but it was just that now he was thinking about Bucky. He had no goal or hopes pegged to it, he just _felt_ it. He could barely explain the feeling like Bucky’s existence was all Steve needed, all he really wanted and that made no sense to him. Almost losing Bucky scared him so badly he only realized he couldn’t be without him, more than he thought.

It was just that he really wasn’t aware of the severity yet in just how much Bucky was his sun and Steve was happily lost in orbit around him.

 

They both woke up to the sound of knocking on the door before it opened. There was a squeak of wet shoes walking in then stilling on the floor.

“Um, Bucky?” 

Steve didn’t recognize the voice, sudden panic kicking in and when he could see clearly, he turned to look at the person, a tall built behemoth of a man staring at mainly him with soft green eyes. Height and size aside, he had a scar along the side of his face, holding a bag in one hand. His features were obviously confused at what he just walked into, dressed in black dress shirt and dark grey slacks like he had to go somewhere, work perhaps. 

Steve propped himself up, sticking to his side not really having much room for anything else in the size restricted bed. The man at the door didn’t seem like he was going to move until Bucky was ready to address him though his eyes kept looking at Steve like he knew him and then he realized where he had seen him before but without the scar.

“Jack.” Bucky mumbled out sleepily, uncurling from Steve to sit up in the hospital bed. He tried to stretch out his tired bones with as little effort as possible, yawning lightly while he sat, Steve reaching over to smooth out his own hair.

His name prompted Jack to move, walking over with the small duffle bag. He dropped it down at the end of the bed by their feet, “Natasha packed you a change of clothes with your toothbrush and stuff. I’m ready to take you home whenever you are.”

Wiggling out of his spot Bucky made a small happy noise, grabbing the bag and locking himself in the bathroom. Jack parked himself down in one of the chairs at the side still eyeing Steve warily, his body tense and uncomfortable. 

Steve slid himself off the mattress, adjusting his wrinkled outfit and his hair again giving the man a nod, putting his hand out with a confused smile. He knew him, very faintly back in their school days, he was Brock’s best friend, “Hey, I’m Steve."

At first Steve wasn’t sure he was going to shake his hand but slowly he did, putting a hand out to shake his, “Jack.”

It was one of the most awkward meetings either of them had ever encountered.

Bucky came out with a toothbrush in his mouth, looking at the two of them just being weird. “You two say hello?”

Steve smiled and they both nodded, “Yeah, I think I remember you from football games. Brock’s friend?”

Rollins seemed to lighten up a little bit, giving Steve a nod, “I came to see his games after I was out of school.”

Even though Jack Rollins was intimidating, he didn’t seem to give off that vibe that he wanted to kill him like Brock did not exactly having a way to ask him if he planned to punch his lights out if he touched Bucky’s arm or anything of the sort. God knows what will happen if he decided to tell Brock about catching them laying down together. 

Steve could only swallow nervously, busying himself with packing up and cleaning up the small mess they had made, eyes never leaving him while Bucky was satisfied that at least they talked for a few seconds and went back into the bathroom. He felt like he was living under a microscope.

Bucky finally emerged from the bathroom with a happy grin and Rollins immediately got to his feet; Bucky putting his arms out to hug the man and they embraced warmly Steve quietly enjoying the fact that Bucky had to stand on his tippy toes to get his arms around Jack’s neck comfortably. 

“So, how are you doin’ Sunshine? Heard you had a hell of a bump on the head.”

Bucky tilted his head thoughtfully, his fingers brushing lightly across his bandage, “It’s not so bad. It was stupid though, made everyone freak out.”

“Yeah, Brock didn’t want to leave you when he was packing up to get going. Finally got his dumbass to go when I told him I would get you and make sure you were safe.”

“Aw but you love him.” A smile crept across his lips.

“Maybe. When he’s not being annoying.”

Bucky could only laugh, tilting his head to the door, “Let’s go sign out, I can’t stay here another minute.”

 

Jack pulled up at the front of Nat’s place, staring at the rain outside, “I gotta head to work, are you going to be okay?”

Bucky nodded quickly, looking back at Steve, “Yeah, Steve’s gonna hang around so I’ll be fine.” 

Jack nodded, taking a glance at Steve before giving Bucky’s shoulder a squeeze, “Get some rest, I’ll see you later.”

“Hey, are you coming on Sunday? Sam and Steve will be coming out, we’re getting the place decorated, bake stuff, get some pumpkins carved.”

A smile spread across Rollins’ face, nodding lightly, “Yeah, I’ll be there. Are you going to decorate sugar cookie pumpkins with me again?”

Bucky beamed, “See, I knew it. I’m telling Brock you love baking with me. He’s gonna be so jealous! See ya later Jack!” 

He could only smirk back in return, watching the two of them get out and race the downpour to the front door, Bucky quickly getting the both of them inside before they were completely drenched. He watched Jack wave and drive off, immediately greeted with a very concerned Labrador, eagerly licking his hands and whining helplessly. 

Bucky moved down to sit, Lucky invading the space before him, nudging and licking his face attempting to get all over him. A small laugh escaped him, trying to soothe the anxious canine with long strokes along his head and back, “I’m okay? See? I’m fine.”

Steve shrugged off his leather jacket, resting it on one of the coat hooks by the door. He wandered into the kitchen, seating himself down at the table, “Are you hungry? Do you maybe want me to find you something to eat?”

Bucky managed to get himself up, Lucky following with his head pressed to his leg. He managed to get to the kitchen without tripping and pulled open the fridge door, “Nah I’m not really..oh there’s cake in here.”

Looking up from the newspaper on the dining table, Steve watched Bucky pull out a container with cake slices and a brunette with the most eager face he had ever seen.

“Buck, are you seriously going to eat cake for breakfast?”

“Nope, never.” He pulled out two saucers, “You’re eating cake with me.”

Bucky set two slices of cake on the table, sliding one in front of Steve with a hopeful smile and the daylight catching his eyes from the kitchen window to show the palest blues. Steve sighed loudly, reaching over to take one of the forks, “When Sam hears about me eating cake..”

Bucky turned and grabbed a pair of glasses, pouring out some milk; he came back to sit beside him, knees knocking into each other, “You aren’t going to see him today are you? Just fudge it.”

Steve took a bite, waving his hand in a shrug, “I can’t just lie to him, he does my macros to work out what we should do for the week. He’s really serious about it.”

“It’s not a fun life if you stress over everything you eat Steven.”

Steve could only stare at him and Bucky flashed him a smile, looking down at his cake.

Bucky had a way with eating desserts like they were treasured works of art. Sure, he had seen Bucky devour half a pie in less than two minutes if even that but when it was something he loved, _truly_ loved, he treated it like he was adoring it. It was very simple and subtle but he savored it. Each bite slow and deliberate, his fork taking measured sections off bit by bit, his face lost in an expression of pure bliss for a fraction of a second while his tongue indulged in the taste before it returned to whatever state it was in prior to. It was one of Steve's favorite little moments with Bucky. 

He could only imagine how he was when he fell in love with an actual human being. 

 

Lucky ran up the stairs ahead of Bucky, Steve trudging up behind them at the end after Clint’s dog pushed passed him. 

“I see where his loyalty lies.”

Bucky looked back towards him, “What?”

Grinning slightly, Steve shook his head, “Nothing. Mind if I take a hot shower, that bed did nothing for my body.”

Bucky pointed out the cabinet in the hall, “Towels are in there, use whatever you like. Hold on, I’ll get you something so you’re not wearing jeans.” 

He disappeared then quickly reappeared with some sweats and a pair of boxers still with a price tag, “I bought them a few days ago so all yours, enjoy.”

Taking the clothes, Steve caught the tag, raising a brow to Bucky who only shrugged, “Seriously? Who spends thirty bucks on one piece of underwear?”

“I do because my ass belongs in nice underwear Stevie.” Bucky called out from his bedroom, rifling through some drawers and Steve really didn’t want to carry on with this conversation, it was bad enough he would be wearing Bucky’s silk underwear all through work and would really feel it which god forbid he got some weird perverted ideas about _that_. 

Steve returned from the shower, changed and hair toweled off, Bucky already snoozing away on his side in the center of the bed snuggled up in a pair of blankets. Lucky laid out before him, fingers tangled in his fur; the canine raised his head to Steve entering the room before dropping his head back down, yawning lightly with a snort.

Steve set his alarm on his phone, setting it on the night stand before he crawled in behind Bucky and pulled the covers up tight, pulling him into his arms hearing a small noise of sleepy protest. Steve nudged the back of his neck, “What, don’t want your human heater now that you got a dog one?”

Bucky’s moved his hand off Lucky to give Steve a tired squeeze on his forearm then returned back to where it originally was, settling himself back in the pillows.

Steve really didn’t know how tired he was until he just relaxed against the mattress, the shower and curled up in so much warmth pushed him easily to slip into sleep, not realizing just how much tension he had been holding on to because he couldn’t settle til Bucky was right here, in his own bed completely safe again.

They both woke up to the sound of knocking on the door before it opened. Someone crunching chips noisily between teeth before there was a thud of the door frame.

“Wow, shit did I walk in on something?” 

Humor laced Clint’s voice and once Steve could blink away the haze in his eyes, it was also on his face. He gave the blond a glare, Lucky hopping down eagerly to greet his owner. Clint’s hair was going in every which way, damp from the rain, wearing an oversized purple sweater and black sweatpants. 

“Oh shut up.” Bucky mumbled out sleepily, moving away from Steve to sit up with a loud yawn, rubbing his eyes. Steve wanted to get up but he was so comfortable, rolling onto his back with a frown etched on his face from being woken up. 

Clint softly snorted to himself, eating another chip from the bag. He tilted his head at Lucky, “Let’s go to the park while these dorks wake up, huh? There’s pizza coming in about thirty five minutes if you guys are awake by then."

Falling onto his back on the bed, Bucky made a small noise of protest, pulling the blanket over his face, “Not today Satan.” 

Steve’s stomach growled at the thought of pizza, grabbing his phone he laid back out on his side, three missed calls from Tony and then a following after it asking where he was. 

“Shit, I forgot to tell Tony I wasn’t going to be home.”

“Oops.” Bucky muttered out dryly, further pressing himself under the covers.

Steve poked him through the blanket, sending a text, “He worries okay?”

“Mhm.”

He rolled over onto his stomach pressing up against Bucky’s side, typing out a text and sending it off waiting a minute or so for a response but getting nothing. He dropped his head against the blanket, resting where he assumed was Bucky’s shoulder, “You gonna eat with me or sleep?”

“Both at the same time.”

“C’mon Buck.”

Throwing the blanket off his face, he got out of bed looking over at him in annoyance as he headed out to the hall for the bathroom, “Fine, fine. Just don’t whine. 

Steve smiled smugly, tucking his arms underneath his chin breaking out into full whine, “But Bucky I wanna whine, you don’t say no when I do that or when I beg, please Bucky _pleasseee_ let me do it.”

He was laughing but Bucky was in the bathroom scowling as he locked himself in, all of it going straight to his dick and he was completely done with Steve Rogers’ bullshit.

  
  
Steve tilted his head to his phone going off against the towel on the floor. He propped the barbell back up, pulling himself to sit up, sweat dripping down his dampened face. He answered, putting the phone on speaker since it was only him in the weight room, toweling his face.

“Hey Buck.”

He froze when he thought he heard Bucky let out some sort of moan, his brain trying to access if his friend accidently pocket dialed him while doing something.

“My god Steve, did you know there’s a pizza place in Queens that has amazing fucking pizza, holy shit this place is so fucking good. If this was a guy I would let him cum in my mouth, holy shit!"

Steve promptly choked on the water he had been drinking, coughing it up all over himself and the weight bench. So much for having a perfect record on not being caught off guard to Bucky's sexual outbursts. He caught his breath, lightly patting his chest through his tank top. He pulled himself up, hastily wiping everything down.

“Bucky warn a guy before you talk like that!”

“Like what? Loki stop it.”

Steve chuckled at the momentary struggle before Bucky only groaned out and apparently handed the phone over. A different voice came on the line, smooth as silk. 

“I’ve been missing you Steven, you really should come out with us one of these days.”

“Hello Loki. I’ll try to go out with you both next week, no promises though. Besides we got the Halloween party right?”

“Oh you’re so lovely, do you know that? Wear something tight if you do and of course I’m going, I can’t wait to see what you’re going as, hopefully nothing.”

Blush crept across Steve’s face, shaking his head. He heard the phone moving against the faint breeze, static crossing the line.

“Good job with that Steve.”

He took it off speaker, pressing the phone to his ear as he strolled through the weight room eventually parking himself on one of the stationary bikes, hanging the small towel off his shoulder, “With what?”

“Telling Loki you’re going to come out.”

Steve laughed, shrugging slightly, “I said maybe and it’ll be fun. You can protect me.”

A soft laugh slipped out, then the sound of a lighter going off before a deep inhale and after a moment an easy going exhale that came with a sigh. 

“I don’t know about that. I’m kinda the jerk that hopes someone gets what he deserves and why’re you breathin’ all weird?”

“Aw you don’t mean that and I’m working out.”

“At..what the fuck time is it?"

He glanced over at the digital paneling, “Almost midnight and why the hell are you out, you were just in the hospital.”

He made a noncommittal noise from his throat.

“Buck.”

“I got bored.”

“Seriously?”

Bucky made a small breathy sound seemingly not wanting to answer that. 

“Already sobering up Buck?”

“Maybe I’m in drunk limbo, smoked too much pot probably too. I think I ate too much too. Shit not makin’ sense where’re you when I need you the most Steve?”

Steve smiled, scrubbing the heel of his hand against his cheek shyly, “I’m at Tony’s, he had to go back to work so I’m working out.”

He only listened to him sigh in return, his footsteps echoing along the pavement before he stopped at what sounded like the street side, “I’m goin’ home Loke. Yeah, I just..yeah okay. See ya.”

“Buck?”

He heard a door open, “Mmm, I’m heading home Stevie. Tired..”

“You’re free to hit my place if you need to.”

“Nah, going to Nat’s, bed’s closer and I wanna sleep..”

He couldn’t help but get hurt feelings, it was ridiculous. Plain and simple, it was but he felt it pull at him and immediately he scolded himself knowing better.

“Stevie stop breathin’ like that.”

He raised a brow in confusion, “Like that?”

“All fucking hot and heavy, sounding like porno over here." 

He snorted, “I’m on the stationary bike and when you called I was pulling weights what do you want me to do, just stop?"

“If you’re gonna sound like that, yeah probably."

“Not my fault you’re getting horny over my workout Barnes."

“I’m not, Asshole. I just..I’m just saying..I said it sounds like a porn."

Steve smirked, himself listening to Bucky’s breathing come out slow over the cellphone and he wondered how he looked; sitting back in the seat of the cab, hair brushed back haphazardly with his hand, his face a soft pink around his cheeks, lips shining from his occasional lick of lips. 

He abruptly snapped himself out of it. He was venturing in very dangerous territory and guilt washed over him. His fingers clutched at his phone tighter. He swallowed thickly, his ears straining to hear the tiny sounds Bucky made in his throat that were careless whimpers so similar to what he imagined if.. 

No, he never imagined _that_. 

He rubbed a hand over his face, annoyed with himself and his mind roaming with stupid thoughts he shouldn’t be having in the first place. 

“Bucky, are you awake?”

Bucky made a small sound, his tongue making a soft sound against his teeth, “Yeah, I’m awake. Was dozing off though, sorry.”

“No big deal, but I think I’m about to hit the showers then I think I’m going to call it a night. I’ll talk to you in the daytime, alright?”

“Hmn?” His voice was lighter, sleepy. A sound of confirmation escaping him, the cab driver announcing how much he owed. “Right, night Steve. I just got home anyway. Passing out.”

“Get some rest Buck.”

Steve only heard a sound of confirmation before the call ended. 

He made his way onto to elevator, heading to Tony’s floor and stripping himself out of his shorts and his tank top, underwear stretched tight over his ass and eventually peeling that off in the bathroom heading straight into the white marble and glass shower. A couple of turns of the knobs and he was greeted with a hot stream of water cascading over his head, a sigh slipping audibly from his lips as the jet pulsed down on him, plastering his darkened wet hair against his forehead.

He stayed there for the time being, palms pressed into the smooth cool wall in front of him, eyes closed as he savored the feel of the water washing down every muscle and curve on his body soaking it all in. His mind stayed quiet for him, allowing a moment of peace before he heard the click of the glass door open behind him. He didn’t bother looking over his shoulder, lips quirking into a smile.

“Waiting for a diagnostic evaluation, I have a free twenty minutes and JARVIS let me know that you weren’t asleep just yet.”

Steve tried to hide a grin, his head moving to a slight tilt and a new stream of water ran down the length of his nose and off his upper lip, “Oh really?”

Tony chuckled, “Yes, really.”

He turned to get a good look at Tony, finding him bare with his brown eyes roving over every inch of Steve’s body, “Well then you have perfect timing Mr. Stark.”

Tony stepped forward, nodding to his comment with a dark smirk, a hand curling against Steve’s neck to pull his mouth down to meet him. Their kiss was a little more than crushed lips and bumped noses until they moved to find the angle through their smiles and then it was just perfection. 

A soft moan slipped out from Steve and it only made Tony kiss him harder and deeper. He lost track of time between the feel of Tony’s lips, the quick nips of teeth at his throat and the caress of his boyfriend’s tongue quickly coaxing him back to take it into his mouth, Tony pressing firm against him.

Steve hummed out lightly, Tony’s mouth returning to pay attention to his skin, hands rubbing along his upper chest not able to stop himself from feeling and rubbing slow circles along his boyfriend’s pecs. It felt almost possessive and he honestly didn’t mind at all as wet lips kissed down against his sternum moving to suck at one of his nipples, the water rushing over Steve’s ears drowning out his loud sighs.

“Got enough time to make you feel nice sweetheart.” Tony murmured in his ear. Snaking an arm around past Steve to reach behind him while coaxing him to turn around at the same time. A shrill wave of excitement and anticipation buzzed through the blond, easily doing as he was told loving the feel of water rolling down his chest again.

He suddenly felt fingers in his hair and the snap of a bottle lid opening, a sharp familiar scent of peaches and apricots rose up with the steam. It took him a moment to realize Tony was washing his hair for him. No one had done that since he was a child and there was an immediate tightness in his chest over it. The feeling was nothing he could ever imagine and yet he felt like he needed this so badly. His head instinctively tilted back for Tony, practically purring to his touch. He soaked in the wonderful sensation of steady fingers massaging his scalp with such care and he was sure he’d never even had a hairdresser handle him like this. It was so domestic and perfect, he had to bite back the urge to almost cry.

Eventually Tony guided his head forward back under the spray and began to rinse out the shampoo, one hand pressing along Steve’s forehead to keep the water and soap out of his eyes. The gesture alone made him love Tony even more, feeling his arms wrap around him from behind just to hold him when the shorter man was satisfied it was all out.

Steve knew it was supposed to be a perfect moment, just them like this, but he couldn’t help but feel Tony hard and pressed against his ass, his own cock agreeing with his. He turned in Tony’s arms without warning, a look of surprise in his beautiful brown eyes but he couldn’t help himself leaning in to kiss him with everything he had. He felt him release a small startled sound but he recovered in half a second, kissing him back with as much force, fingers tightening against Steve’s waist.

“If you want that,” Tony drew back from his lips, Steve watching him as he slid down to his knees, “I can be of service in that way too.”

Steve bit down on his bottom lip, eyes wide as Tony pushed him back a step to press him against the marble wall. He watched the water run down his boyfriend’s shoulders while he roamed a hand along his thigh, his other taking his cock and without missing a beat he took him in all at once.

“Oh.. _fuck Tony_.”

It was strangled, his head bumping against the wall as he pressed his palms along the surface, glad he was moved because _God_. He was sure it was a lot for Tony to take but the look of fierce determination as he looked up at him was all he needed to realize the man didn’t care and that he knew exactly what he was doing. 

Tony slid his hands along his sides moving to press and cup handfuls of Steve’s ass, eyes still watching as he showed him the pace of his hips, Steve’s cock sliding in and out of his mouth, lips flushed red already and stretched so obscene as he moaned out, encouraging him to fuck his mouth.

It didn’t take much to convince Steve, soft grunts and moans spilling out of him, echoing and bouncing off the bathroom walls. The sounds washing over Tony causing him to groan louder, squeezing Steve’s ass a bit roughly jolting his hips to snap forward in surprise and he prepared for it, swallowing around him letting Steve feel it with every inch of himself, nosing into his skin.

Steve could feel every sound Tony made around his cock, he practically growled at the sensation of teeth scraping along just barely there as he thrust. His hips bucked at the sharp sensation, nails and fingertips digging into his skin, bruising him, feeling the heat pooling quickly in his stomach not able to get enough of Tony’s mouth so warm and slick taking him in entirely.

Steve can’t help himself but snatch up dark hair, holding but refusing to pull just needing something to ground him as he bit down on his bottom lip a sting of skin breaking, the back of his skull pressed harder into the marble while his hips rocked faster, each thrust pushing him closer to the edge. 

He was so close, his head moving to look down and Tony only stared up, large brown eyes glassy with tears but _smiling_ at him and it only took one hard thrust before he came with Tony’s name on his lips and his boyfriend swallowing everything he was given, moaning appreciatively himself, Steve just realizing he had been stroking himself in time to him. 

He pulled out, leaning his shoulders against the wall as he slid to sit down, legs not trustworthy as he tried to catch his breath and rid the black dots across his eyes. He reached a hand out to cup Tony’s face, a slow lazy smile spreading across stretched red lips while the water washed away the signs of his own cum staining his skin. 

“Are you alright?”

Tony chuckled lightly letting Steve pull him for a hug, “Better than alright.” His voice was raspy and weak but he looked pleased with himself like he met a challenge and succeeded which probably was what that was anyway. Steve pulled him in for a kiss, slow and affectionate, his hands roaming all over his flushed skin. 

Steve moved them both to get more water leaning in to nuzzle his skin, water rolling off the bridge of his nose and through his hair as he leaned in planting heavy kisses onto his shoulders. Tony could only watch him, momentarily lost for words at how beautiful Steve was, nothing coming to his mind and instead he brought his hand out to stroke his wet hair until he could speak again, “You’re so beautiful Steve.”

He watched his boyfriend turn a shade darker in red, a full blush as always from his head to his toes. Tony loved it, enjoyed being the one who did that to him. Steve moved his head back up to kiss him again.

“God Tony, you’re so amazing, I love you.”

He smiled against his mouth, hairs tickling each others faces, “I love you too Sweetheart. I think I’m definitely into the face fucking.”

Steve couldn’t help but break out into a ruckus of laughter, head falling back helplessly while he held on tight to him, “I can’t believe you just said that!”

The brunette shrugged nonchalantly, “What? It’s true. I did a lot of research, I’m very proud of myself right now.”

A snort escaped Steve, leaning in to kiss his nose, “I bet. I’m proud of you too, even though how much was really research and how much was it just you watching porn.”

Tony sucked in a breath, wincing because he knew he was caught, “About twelve percent research.”

Steve yawned, smirking as he hugged him tight to his chest, “M’getting tired. Come to bed with me?”

“Sir, Dr. Banner is in need of your assistance.”

They both looked at the loud speaker and Steve knowingly nodded with a smile, “Right, I forgot you only had a break.”

Tony gathered himself up, getting to his feet to wash himself down quickly after helping Steve up, “This is why you need to move in.”

Giving him one last kiss, Steve picked up the bar of soap giving him a smile as he stepped into spray again, “And you know how I feel about that.”

Flashing a smirk right back, Tony stepped out of the shower and grabbed a towel off the rack, “And I’m always going to try. You already know that. I’ll try to be finished in a few hours but don’t wait up. Oh! By the way, I should _really_ make it mandatory that you have to walk around naked on my floor.”

Steve laughed, rolling his eyes, “Goodbye Tony.”

  
  
Steve released a long sigh stepping off the elevator trudging down the hall. He heard a loud television past one door wondering if anyone was still actually awake after three in the morning on this floor considering most were older or family oriented. His jaw was hurting like a bitch, keys pressed together in his left hand while his right swept over the scruff along his right cheek. He still couldn’t believe someone drunk had the jump on him, so much for being aware of his surroundings, Nick was going to pin him to the wall on Monday.

He unlocked the door to expecting darkness and Bucky in bed but a soft light washed over one side of the room, with a table lamp sitting on the floor, its neck adjusted so it was shining directly at a canvas propped up on an easel. Bucky sat on a stool, looking over in surprise and Steve just took the moment to stare, admiring the way he sat perched with his bare foot pressed against the rail of the stool, his other foot pressed against the floor with his toes curled in.

“Hey! There you are. I was about to call you and ask..wait,” Bucky immediately put everything down and walked over to him, his eyes not leaving Steve’s face, “Steve what happened?”

Steve stood there shaking his head, “Just some idiot thought he could get away with not paying his bill. It was stupid. _I_ was stupid for letting him get the jump on me, he wasn’t even built or anything.”

Bucky hit the lights beside the front door getting a better look, he reached out to touch Steve’s face but recoiled when he saw the paint on his own hands, his brows furrowing in deep concern. 

Steve was only more pissed when he saw the look on Bucky’s face, helpless and sweet like he wanted to help but he had no idea how and he hated being the one that did that to him. He gently took Bucky’s paint speckled hand at his wrist and guided it to his face letting his head move forward. Bucky’s fingertips softly eased along the lower right side of Steve’s jaw an angry red and purple blotch of color sat bruising his skin.

“Am I hurting you?”

“No.”

It was the opposite entirely, his hand hadn’t moved off Bucky’s arm and only rested there for as long as his best friend would let him, the touch of his warm fingertips soaking into his skin was soothing and calm even with the heat from places where his face was swelling, like where he was already getting a black eye. That was different though, it felt foreign and intrusive, Bucky’s touch felt nice and he was careful which only made Steve feel substantial and eased.

Steve stiffened slightly when he felt Bucky’s other hand brush around his eye immediately moving it away even with the tiniest reaction.

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be, it’s just flaring up.”

“Stay there, alright?”

He nodded, watching Bucky scramble to the bathroom to grab a washcloth, running it under the warm water before he came back, carefully cleaning up some of the caked blood around his nose. The sensation stung when there was a little bit of pressure at his nostrils but the warmth was appreciated, helpless to whatever Bucky wanted to do to him.

“Do I have to go beat someone up for you?”

A surprised laugh fell out of Steve, “No, not today at least. He got in a few lucky shots with his barrage of fists like that was going to work out for him and that was it, he was on the floor out cold. The cops came and I had to give a statement, that was it.”

A soft concerned whimper of a sound from far within Bucky’s throat came from nowhere, his hand still carefully fussing over his jaw and checking if it was any worse for wear, “Good.”

Bucky’s hands moved to rest lightly on Steve’s shoulders tilting his head just a fraction to press a very small, very chaste kiss on Steve’s temple. This time Steve was aware of it, the one prior he didn’t know existed or not but this one although quick and perfectly simple went through the entirety of his body; soft lips pressed and burned into his skin and he could only stare dumbfounded, then touched at the fond gesture.

Steve could only stare in silence and Bucky backed off, walking towards the kitchen, “You look like you could use a coffee, should I make you one?”

It took a few seconds to realize he was asked a question and eventually Steve nodded, “Yeah, maybe in bed, I want to get some reading in since I’m not too tired yet.” 

He picked up the book off the side table he had been into for the past week, glancing up again, “But what are you going to do?"

Bucky hummed lightly digging in the cabinets for a pair of mugs, “Probably take a shower if you don’t need it that is.”

“Let me do that then, go take a shower, I forgot you’re covered in paint. Go clean up and you can sit with me.”

Bucky stopped to glare at him, Steve’s quick steps standing beside him to take the mugs, “But _you’re_ the one that’s hurt Steve!”

He was right, his face definitely wasn’t letting him forget that any time soon, skin throbbing as it inflamed.

“So? My house my rules, hit the shower.”

Bucky opened his mouth to protest, his body completely facing him now, face set in determination to retaliate but Steve saw his eyes flicker to his face and he gave an annoyed huff at him instead, pressing both palms into his chest to lightly shove him.

“Rude.”

Steve smirked smugly, opening his book where he left off while he waited for the water to heat up on his single serve. He didn’t get too far into the pages when Bucky wailed out his name and he had just enough time to lift his head up before the male leaped full body onto his back and hung on for dear life.

The sheer force stumbled him right into the refrigerator, head bouncing off the freezer door so hard it opened itself and arms and legs tightened their hold around him.

“Bucky! What in the hell?!”

There was a small noise from Bucky’s throat that sounded way too similar to the sound of a crying puppy that came out from behind his ear, his face hiding against his neck.

He sighed to himself, pressing a hand against the door to close it again, trying to tug at one of the legs around his ribs so they weren’t restricting his breathing. 

“Okay, okay what’s going on? I thought you were going to take a shower.”

“There’s an awful spider in the bathroom!”

_Really?_

“Are you serious right now or are you out of your mind?”

”I’m not joking!”

”Just ignore it and go shower, you’re acting like a kid.”

“No Steve please don’t make me, _please_!” He whimpered, tightening around him and he swore there were tears forming in his eyes. 

This was ridiculous.

“Alright, alright fine. My God you would think it was a vicious monster in there.”

“It is- !” He shot back, punching him hard in the arm.

“Ow! Stop that.”

“It could have killed me!”

“I highly doubt the spiders here will kill you Buck.”

“You don’t know that and you’re making fun of me just fucking kill it!”

Steve sighed, “I _am_ making fun of you. You’re a twenty one year old grown man Buck." 

He walked, maybe slightly waddled, through the hallway towards the bathroom, grey eyes barely peeked out from behind his head.

A whimper slipped out from the brunette, “I’m going home, you’re being a dick and won’t kill the fucking spider already.”

“Alright. Okay,” He soothed, “I’m sorry. Where did you see it?”

He pointed towards the toilet, “Over by the toilet.”

“You couldn’t kill it?”

“What if I missed and it jumped on my leg and bit me, then what? I would be dead, become a ghost and haunt your stupid ass that’s what!”

Steve peered around the side of the toilet cautiously with Bucky a hairpin trigger away from either yelling more or crushing him harder, “You’re pretty mouthy when you’re afraid..” 

A loud huff escaped the brunette, “It’s a fucking wonder you manage to go a day without being an asshole, oh wait, you don’t.”

Steve mused at the snipe, “Where’s your damn spider?”

Peeking over again, Bucky pointed at the other side of the toilet, “Over there somewhere between the tub and- _There Kill It Steve_!”

Bucky seemed to inch higher up his back while Steve moved the bath mat the spider was standing on, no bigger than the size of a quarter and it began to scoot towards them. Bucky released another terrified pitch of _something_ from deep within him, his fingers digging into the flesh below Steve’s collarbone, the ends of Bucky’s wrists crisscrossed around his neck and pressed into his throat. If Steve was lucky, he hoped he wasn’t going to end up with a crushed trachea. 

“Oh my god it’s coming after me Stevie! _**Kill It**_!” 

Bucky didn’t wait, his hand scrambling for the towel on the door, shouting some angry battle cry at it mixed with a scream of terror, throwing the balled up towel to deflect the skittering spider coming at them. Arms tightened around his neck and heels dug into his stomach like Bucky had no idea it was Steve he was holding on to. 

Steve moved forward, his foot stomping out the towel to finish the job while Bucky’s face went back into hiding against the back of his neck.

Satisfied, he managed to get his friend to loosen his iron grip, but not by much. Curiosity got Bucky to rest the side of his head against Steve’s watching with wariness.

“Is it dead?”

“I will be if you don’t let up on your hold Barnes.”

“It might be faking! Can you look?”

“Can _you_ get off me and look yourself?”

“ _Steve_!”

He let out an audible groan before kicking over the towel, _his damn towel_ , flipping it to the other side revealing a very dead flattened spider stuck to it. 

“Happy your Highness?”

“Yes, can you burn that towel?”

Steve pointed at the towel and panic rolled through Bucky, tightening around his body, “I swear I’m going to rub this towel in your face in about two seconds..” 

He moved closer as if he was stooping to pick it up and Bucky choked back a sob, “Don’t pick it up, Steve stop it!”

That was when Steve saw a wet mark on the front of his grey t-shirt, one single tear escaped Bucky’s watery eyes and Steve straightened up feeling a little bad.

“Come on Bucky, it was just a little spider and you know I wouldn’t really do that to you.”

“They’re just so gross. Their legs are _disgusting_ and eight eyes and..” His body shivered against his back, snuggling tightly around him but death grip loosening.

“Well, at least you can go take that shower now huh?”

He felt him shaking his head before he could even finish, “I keep picturing spiders everywhere.”

Wanting to take a seat, Steve carried Bucky into the living room, “But it’s dead now.”

“I can’t shower anymore, I’m afraid fifty spiders are going to come for revenge and kill me while I’m showering. Did you see that scene in Arachnophobia where the spider’s on the shower head and drops down on that girl, I’m gonna be the girl but it’ll bite me and I’ll be lying dead and you won’t even know it Steve.”

“Bucky,” Steve sighed softly, managing to sit down on the couch, Bucky keeping himself sandwiched between the back of the couch and Steve’s body, still clinging tight. “You’re being ridiculous.”

Bucky fell silent behind him, legs fallen against Steve’s thighs, arms tucked securely underneath his armpits with hands clasped against his chest. He was being insanely clingy, holding a light tremble in his hands when Steve took them with a roll of his eyes.

“It was just a little spider, there are no more spiders around planning to assassinate you. I promise. If there are you can come back as a ghost and haunt my sorry ass like you said you would, deal?”

Bucky relaxed against him, pressing the side of his cheek against the back of Steve’s shoulder lacing their fingers together, “No deal, can you move out and find a better place to live?”

“Bucky.” 

Steve couldn’t help a laugh fall out of him, crossing their pressed arms around his chest to hug him as tight as he could soaking in the feel of warm breath tickling his skin through his shirt.

“So Bucky Barnes will fight three guys with his bare fists and slam a guy into a bar counter for touching him but he’s scared of horror movies and spiders?”

“Shut up.” He muffled against his back, pressing his face in from embarrassment.

“It’s okay I’ll protect you from all the spiders.”

Bucky could only grumble something into his back and huff.

Steve chuckled, lightly squeezing him against the couch hearing a small noise of protest behind him.

“Clint was right, you weigh as much as an elephant.”

“Hey! Did I not just kill a spider for you? And..AND..there’s bruises along my collarbone from your fingers you know.”

Bucky let go of one of his hands to softly rub his stomach, “I’m sorry Fatty.”

Steve laughed, leaning harder into him, “I’m gonna kill you.”

After a thorough look over the bed for spiders, Bucky perched up on it while Steve was assigned to look under and around, much to his chagrin. He finally managed to get him established without the idea the spiders were going to kill him in his sleep and he was glad it didn’t take hours to convince him.

He settled into bed onto his side so he could mirror Bucky’s position and watched him take a few peeks around one last time before getting in, “So what were you painting?”

Bucky raised his brows in surprise, pulling the blanket up a little higher to hide half his face behind it and if the after effects of Steve looking back at how cute Bucky was over a stupid spider, this also hit him pretty hard in the chest, “You didn’t see?”

With a shake of his head, Steve rested an arm against his ribs, “Nope, sorry. I got punched in one eye so it was swelling and you were acting like a damn screaming charging monkey, I didn’t have a chance.”

“I wasn’t charging, I was running scared okay?”

“I’m pretty sure you were charging, right onto my back like I was some safe zone.”

A pout crossed Bucky’s features, well Steve assumed it was a pout, he wasn’t entirely sure since it was hidden. 

“I don’t know why you gotta be an asshole about this. One day I’ll find out what really scares the pants off you and bug you mercilessly because you wouldn’t let up on me.”

Steve grinned, he couldn’t help it, “Alright, alright. So what was it?”

“You.”

He said it so simply Steve missed the half step of their beat, “I beg your pardon?”

Bucky pulled the blanket away from his face scrunching his nose. He turned to lay on his stomach, pushing his cheek hard into the pillow. “I was painting you. I just felt like it. You know, sometimes I want to draw you too like how you want to draw me but I feel kinda weird about it. All that pressure isn’t there when you’re at work though so that’s when I try my hand at painting because when you’re around I just can’t, you’re too good Rogers.”

Steve was a little taken aback, watching Bucky grin shyly, turning his face to press it into the pillow. He had no idea what to do, instincts wanting to grab his arm and pull him in. Instead he did nothing but stare in awe at him for a long while before he poked him lightly, settling in after hitting the light watching the dark lump in silence.

Bucky peeked out, “Are you sleeping?”

“Nope.”

“Then what?”

“Watching you being shy.”

“I’m not being shy. I’m being intimidated.”

A chuckled slipped from him, “Looks like shy to me, I don’t see you being intimidated by me. Sometimes you do shy though.”

“And what if I am?”

“Then I’m definitely not doing my job of making you feel at ease. Seriously you’re a great artist, first thing I’ll do in the morning, I’m going to look at it.”

“No way,” Bucky protested, rolling to face his back to him, “I’m going to throw it out.”

“Yeah? Even after I saved you from that savage spider?”

“Yep.” Letting the _P_ pop off his lips.

Steve smirked at him, reaching over to just barely graze his wiggling fingers along his side and Bucky bolted sideways, catching himself before he fell off the bed. He whirled his upper body to slap at his hand with a growl of annoyance and Steve burst out laughing, falling onto his back with his hand pressed over his left pec. He didn’t even care if Bucky was looking at him in irritation, he loved it, tears forming at the corner of his shut eyes.

A foot came flying into his thigh to shut him up and he had to clamp his hands over his mouth lest he get an angry Bucky leaping at him. He quickly managed to let the laughter to die down, silence coming across both of them as Bucky kept his back turned in silent protest to him. 

Of course there was no way Steve was going to stand for that and he waited til Bucky looked like he was settled, reaching over to walk barely there touches across his arm with his fingertips, "The itsy bitsy spider.."

Bucky skirted away, pulling his arm into his chest, "Stop that."

Steve only pressed fingers along his ribs, "Came up the water spout.."

He slapped at his hand, "Steve! I swear I’m just going to leave!"

Bucky shrank closer to the edge of the bed and Steve tried hard to clamp down on a laugh bubbling up from within him, his fingers dancing along his lower back, “Down came the rain..”

“That’s it! I’m leaving, I hate you so much!” 

They both sat up, Steve’s hand cupping over his mouth trying to refrain from bursting out into a laugh but he failed, all of it spilling out while Bucky threw the blanket back in an angry huff, standing onto the floor.

“Buck!”

“No! I’m fucking leaving, you’re a Jerk!”

Steve’s face was red, tears gracing his lashes as he only laughed harder, hitting the mattress to taper it off, “It’s dark though! What if the spiders come out at night like cockroaches?!”

Within seconds Bucky was back on the bed completely under the blanket. Steve had to press his arms around his own chest, body wracked with spasms of unmanly giggles.

“Hate you!”

“Aw Bucky..”

Steve snorted and coughed, shaking his head out of his way too amused state. It felt good to laugh so hard after being blindsided by some jackass and then his best friend climbing him like a tree and not in a sexy fantasy kind of way. He rolled to his side to lay out, gathering Bucky to him. He tugged the blanket down to see his face in the darkness, giving him a smile.

“I’m sorry for making fun of you. You made me feel better though.”

“Wow, such a charmer." He let out dryly, cautiously laying beside him but keeping his hands to himself.

The laughter all drained out of him, Steve let the side of his head fall against his pillow, brushing some of Bucky’s hair out of his eyes that the blanket pulled forward on his head, “Not over that, for being you. I felt terrible when I came home, I felt like a loser and an idiot because that happened. I must have been preoccupied to let someone get a jump on me and as soon as I stepped inside you were..just being you. I completely understand why your friend Jack calls you Sunshine.”

Even in the darkness, Steve could see him roll his eyes but there was a smile, “You’re a dork, Rogers.”

“Guilty as charged. Now, I gotta sleep because I think I got maybe three hours before I have to get up and I’m already so screwed.”

 

Bucky opened his eyes to see Steve’s cheek crushed into the mattress with his pillow lost to the floor and his hair all messy with his mouth hung open slightly, soft snores escaping every once in awhile. One fist was balled up around the hem of Bucky’s shirt as if he was avoiding losing him in his head and like a tether connected he moved gently closer just to press a hand on his cheek, thumb feeling out the hairs growing along his jaw. A small choked snort was all it took for Bucky to pull his hand away, Steve sleepily moving onto his back, his own hands moving to rub across his chest before letting them just rest there and fall back asleep. Bucky watched him in quiet fascination before he realized he wasn’t going back to sleep anytime soon and slipped out of bed to do something more productive after taking a glance at the time.

 

"Hey, you're up early."

Bucky hummed in response, flipping the pancake with a shrug. "I couldn't sleep too long."

Steve took in the bacon already laid out on a paper towel, a pan of scrambled eggs off the heat, bread in the toaster. A half dozen muffins baked fresh, cooling on a wire rack. Steve could definitely get used to this if there was any kind of offer for it.

"So you just cooked?" 

He picked up one of the muffins, making a small gasp sound before tossing it back and forth between his hands til it was cooled enough to break apart with his fingers and sample at the corner. Bran muffins, his heart was going to melt because he was very sure Bucky wasn't a guy that ate bran on a regular basis if he could help it.

"I cook when I'm uneasy, most of the time I have no idea why it just gnaws at me so I distract myself." His voice came out low, his eyes shifting to watch the pancake again. 

Steve switched the topics of conversation, not wanting to ruin a perfectly good morning on things Bucky felt uncomfortable about even if it left him wondering. He rested his chin on his friend's shoulder, "You made bran muffins, you do care."

Flipping the pancake off the heat and onto a plate holding the rest, he poured some more batter in the pan with a smile adding some blueberries to it, "You're the one that said you're getting fat."

He had, he gained ten pounds and obsessed over it because there was no way he should have even though Sam laughed at him and when he told Bucky about his woes, the brunette had the audacity to order a slice of double fudge chocolate cake when he took him out for a ‘healthy’ pity lunch. Pietro smacked his stomach asking when the baby was due and laughed about it for seven whole minutes, yes he timed it and when he accidentally bumped into Natasha, she suggested he get an app that made the beeping noises on trucks that were backing out. 

Some friends he had. 

Which brought him back to the now, Bucky hummed at some song in his head while he flipped the pancake and Steve lightly bit his shoulder in response to what he said, "Don't remind me.”

Bucky made a small annoyed sound at being bitten, shrugging Steve off. Steve’s eyes wandered over to the living room, everything rearranged back to how it was prior to Bucky painting. Easel set away, paint sheet removed, couch and lamp back where it used to be.

“By the way, where’s the painting?" 

“I told you I was gonna throw it away.”

Taking another bite of his muffin, Steve leaned against Bucky’s frame, “Really, I wanna see how I look."

It took a second to see Bucky’s head ducked away so tight to his chest, completely looking sheepish and shy realizing he really didn’t feel confident enough to show it off. 

“Alright, fine then. Will you show me one day?”

“One day.” He confirmed, refusing to look over, pouring out more pancake batter.

Pulling himself off Steve picked up a strip of bacon, brewing up a cup of coffee on his single serve. 

"Don't eat too much if you're going with Sam." 

Steve hand gestured while pointing out all the food, "You're eating all this then?"

Rolling his eyes, Bucky nodded, "You can eat the pancakes and muffins later, the rest isn't hard to eat. Maybe the whole package of bacon is overdoing it.."

"..Yeah, it'll all go to your backside."

Before Bucky could say anything more, one lone index finger jabbed at his butt cheek and the oddest cry of surprise slipped out of his mouth, immediately turning around to whack Steve in the chest with the spatula.

"Get out!" Bucky yelled, whacking him again while the blond attempted to raise his arms up, trying his damnedest not to laugh.

"Are you seriously trying to kick me out of my own apartment?"

"Yes! Now leave!"

Steve jumped back before he got another spatula to the side when he was so busy protecting his chest and face. Bucky was possibly the cutest person on the planet right then but he still hit hard with cooking utensils. 

Steve grinned, jogging towards the front door scrambling to pick up his shoes and run out in socked feet, the handle of the spatula nailing him square in the back before he could completely haul himself out the door.

“Jesus Bucky, your aim!”

“Get out!”

  
  
The air had a crisp cool feel to it, even with the sun shining down on them. November was rolling in soon and the warm days were going to drop a little lower, they still had time for shorts but the nights were getting pretty cold.

All in all today was a good day to be out for the market, the smells of freshly made popcorn, pies and various savory foods floated throughout the area already causing Bucky’s stomach to rumble softly. Steve only smirked at him as he glared down at his midsection.

Steve was a little more than excited to come out to the market. He had been putting it off for a good few months, always finding an excuse not to go or found himself busy with something else. He was overwhelmed with the feeling of nostalgia as soon as all the familiar scents hit him, remembering for the longest time how his mother always took him and then later he and Sam would trek out for a visit but after he moved out on his own he just never really went anymore. He hated that he did that to himself, but now back he was happy to see it was still going strong.

He already spied the large stack of pumpkins for sale near the back but they weren't in any hurry, Sam tugging along a green painted wagon with brown fencing around it so it was deep for things taller than the basic height for a wagon, like an armload of pumpkins. 

"How many are we getting anyway?"

"Seven just for everyone to have one," Natasha thought outloud. "A couple for cooking so about nine."

"Geez Louise." Steve uttered out.

"Make that ten, I want a big one for my front door too." Sam let out.

They stopped at the first vegetable stand they came too, Clint and Bucky playing Rock, Paper, Scissors while Sam, Natasha and Steve milled around to look over the fall crops. Natasha picked up some cabbage and leeks. Sam chose a variety of different vegetables, his main focus being the broccoli and cauliflower while Steve stuck to peppers, shallots, broccoli and sweet potatoes. They quickly moved on to fruits, an abundance of apples, oranges as well as grapes and pears were out for sale. Bucky pushed through to grab a few small baskets of blackberries, eating a handful while paying for it, he moved on to the fresh jams and jellies. 

Natasha, Clint and Sam migrated to the next stall over from that one discussing and sampling a few chutneys with the vendor that they had out deciding if they wanted a few jars of those too. Steve grabbed a couple jars of apple butter, holding up a mason of blueberry jam and calling out for Bucky who immediately nodded, testing out the mango chutney Clint offered him.

“We just jarred the blueberry a couple days ago, he’ll love it.” The girl at the counter let out as she put the butters into a plastic bag before picking up the blueberry jam.

Steve thought for a second, picking up a second mason jar, “He loves blueberries, I’ll grab a second one just in case.”

He pulled out a few bills, the girl handing him the bag, “Take care and thank you! Definitely enjoy the jam, it’s to die for, your roommate will be in love.”

Bucky jogged over, toothpick in his mouth as he pulled at his arm,“Steve come with me.”

Steve smiled politely at the girl, “He’s not my roommate.”

“ _Oh_!” A small flush of color reached her face, “My mistake.” 

“What?” 

Confused, Steve looked to where she looked, Bucky changed his attempt to tugging his hand; the girl gave him a wink and he could have facepalmed himself. 

“It’s not like..” He stopped himself and just gave up. No point in trying to explain it to a stranger, instead he raised the bag and gave her a nod finally allowing Bucky to tug him away.

Steve was the last to join the group at the stall selling meats and cheeses. 

Bucky immediately held out a toothpick with some cheese, “Do you like muenster cheese? I want to cook with it tomorrow, is it too salty?”

“I do like it,” He tried the sample, enjoying the creamy softness that came with it being so fresh. “Oh no, not too salty. That’s really good.” 

He stole another sample, Bucky giving him a grin before picking up some different cheeses and grabbing one of the pepperoni sticks to chew on. 

Bucky honed in on the samples at a bake stand, Steve following after him. There was already a crowd of people around rushing to pick up fresh baked cookies, breads and pies. 

He picked up a cookie and examined it, “Are these raisins or chocolate chips?” He shoved it up close to Steve’s face who could only shrug helplessly, going cross eyed. 

He groaned, taking a large bite out of it while Steve watched curiously, chewing the soft cookie until his face abruptly twisted into pure disgust forcing himself to swallow it with a grimace.

“Raisins!”

He glared at the cookie mildly offended, “Who puts raisins in cookies? Who does that? Fucking animals need to be shot.” 

“They’re just raisins Buck.” Steve laughed, plucking it from his hand to stuff it into his mouth, thoughtfully processing its taste.

“It’s pretty good.”

Bucky watched him take another sample, arms folded over his chest, “Heathen.”

He huffed to himself, moving away to look at the pumpkin and banana loaves. Natasha joined them, slipping her arm around Steve’s, “Did you two find anything good?”

Steve shrugged, “I learned he hates raisins.”

Natasha smiled, “That he does. He used to tell people he was allergic so he didn’t have to eat them when we went out to dinner parties together and things like that. They would end up making him something else special because he was too stuck up about it.”

Rolling his eyes, Bucky picked up six miniature loaves of pumpkin and five banana, “I can hear you still.”

She leaned forward, swatting him in the butt, “Good.”

Clint came around holding a box of a dozen apple cider donuts, Sam beside him with a four jugs of the cider itself. Steve perked up and Sam grinned, “Yeah Big Guy one of these are for you.”

Taking the bagged loaves, Natasha directed Bucky to the pies, raising three fingers. Bucky gave a quick nod getting three apple pies picked up, four pumpkin pies and a blueberry pie.

“That’s a lot of pie Nat.”

The redhead smirked glancing at Steve, “One’s for Nick, Pietro asked if I would bring him one, you know which one is for Bucky because he needs his own pie. Two for tomorrow, one for Brock, one for Jack, one to freeze. If I don’t pick them up they’re all going to turn into children, yes, even our scary ol’ boss.”

“I’m eyeing that pecan pie over there.” Sam uttered, tucking the jugs into the wagon Natasha had been tugging along with their purchases before they made it to the pumpkins.

Steve steered towards the wood art while everyone else strayed towards the leather craft stall, Clint spying the pumpkin stand so close by, giving a quick look over to everything they were already hauling, “Let’s get the pumpkins and start moving outta here before we buy everything.”

Without a word they all migrated to the large pumpkin cart at the very end of the market.

Steve turned to ask Bucky what one he liked, looking around in confusion, “Where did Bucky go?”

Natasha continued to look through the pumpkins with a small shrug, “Check either anything sugar, animals or hot guys. He tends to wander a lot.”

Steve put down the pumpkin he wanted in the small wagon beside Nat, dusting off his hands to look around for a mess of deep brown chocolate colored hair. He saw near the corner was a large sign saying petting zoo, making that his first choice besides any food lots he passed. Sure enough when he hit the fencing protecting the small herd of goats, baby sheep, baby pigs and ducks with chickens there was Bucky sitting on a bench beside a girl in muddy overalls and a basket in her lap. 

Steve wanted to call out for him but he bit his tongue, leaning against the fence post to watch her put something in his cupped hands, a tuft of yellow showing before he curled his fingers over it looking at her with a slight nervous fear in his eyes. She only smiled at him and nodded encouragingly at him, watching his face light up a little, his hands carefully opening to peek at the baby chick looking up at him and making small tiny noises. 

The baby chick moved up his palm and panic crossed Bucky’s eyes when it tried moving its small wings to steady itself before settling back in his palm. He brought his hand close to his chest to cup it there freeing his other hand to lightly pet its head, the girl put a brown and black colored baby duck with the chick, it’s beak immediately poking at Bucky’s t-shirt and a helpless bubble of laughter escaped him, turning to say something to the girl.

Steve quickly took his phone out to film it, not able to wipe the grin off his face over how adorable this was. Bucky got a good few minutes of cuddling with the babies before other kids began milling around and the girl working there had to let others hold them. He looked up and saw Steve, waving him in as he wiped his palms along the front of his jeans.

“When did you get here?”

Steve let himself in, securing the gate behind him, “Right when you got the chick and the duck, I had to film it.”

Scrounging in his pockets, Bucky pulled out some change to use the little feed machine, holding a cup out at the end while it filled with pellets, “You didn’t.”

“I did. What did I say last week? Adorable? Bucky Barnes, adorable as all hell.”

He only rolled his eyes, shaking the cup which attracted the attention of a few pot belly piglets and he was instantly smiling at them, squatting down to feed them. 

Baby billy goats romped towards Steve’s legs looking up at him like they expected food themselves and he sighed with a grin, looking for his own pocket change.

“Oh my god what happened to him!?” 

Steve whirled around from the pellet machine to see other baby goats herding around the brunette but one in peticular held Bucky’s attention, grey with a white stripe down its back and missing a front leg. Steve saw his face knowing Bucky was about two seconds from begging to take the disabled goat home with him.

The girl smiled, feeding it some pellets, “This is Georgie, we actually took him in after he was surrendered to the ASPCA, I think the owner was old and not taking care of them. He had a knee injury and he was going downhill real fast so they had to amputate it to save him and we’ve had him since.” 

Bucky made a small tsk of a noise with his tongue, feeding the goat the rest of his pellets, “Steve, I want to take him home.”

He could only laugh, “If you had your way you would take every animal home.” 

A black cat purred at Steve’s feet, weaving in and out around his legs before it became more interested in Bucky squat down to pet the very lax Georgie, taking it upon itself to wiggle on its back legs and hop up on his shoulders rubbing up its face into his hair. 

“Hey, how come all the animals come to you without asking?”

Bucky shrugged, Natasha laughing softly from the fence railing, Steve looking over, “Because Bucky is some kind of animal whisperer.” 

“I am not,” He shot back over his shoulder, “Remember that dog that tried to bite my hand. Asshole dog.”

He promptly shut his mouth, hoping none of the kids heard. They didn't.

The redhead tilted her head in thought, “So not all animals, but most.”

Steve helped a little girl fussing with the dispenser then walked back beside Bucky, petting the black cat settling on his shoulder, the brunette looked past him and snorted, turning back to the goat.

“What?”

“That little girl’s mom is checking out your butt.”

“Wha- ?” 

He turned to look but Bucky yanked him forward again, “Don’t look, let her enjoy the view.”

“ _Bucky_!” 

Bucky laughed, grabbing Steve’s wrist to pull himself upright giving his friend’s butt a light slap watching him jump, “There, now she thinks we’re gay for each other.”

Steve’s face flushed red, Natasha as well as Sam and Clint laughing at him. 

“C’mon you two, let’s get going I want to stuff my face with cotton candy and funnel cake!”

They all trudged back towards the parking lot, Clint rattling off all the rides he wanted to go on and what he wanted to eat while they were there.

“Do you think we have enough time for everything?” Bucky wondered out quietly, pulling the wagon along behind him.

Steve grinned, “Do we need to have a time limit? It’s a Saturday.”

Sam threw an arm around his friend’s shoulders, “Oh we do my friend. Bucky’s got a date tonight!”

All at once Steve hoped no one noticed the color drain from his face, Bucky gave him a hopeful but slightly nervous smile over the whole ‘dating’ concept. Natasha lightly brushed his brown hair with the tips of her fingers as they walked, her other hand holding Clint’s, “Yes, and you’re all coming to the house to have dinner. No excuses.”

Steve smiled a few seconds later, plastered across his face while his stomach was feeling like he swallowed a large boulder that just sat there but it was good, this was great. He reached over to punch his friend’s arm but instead his hand ended up with a mind of its own cuffing against the back of Bucky's neck in a weirdly possessive way and in a panic he dropped his arm away, blue grey’s looking over at him not noticing much of any difference.

“I’m really excited for you Buck.”

Really. He was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ch. 14 is almost finished so keep an eye out. :3


	14. You might be dead before you earn his trust.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time to go to Coney Island before Bucky sets off on a date and Steve not so low key pops a vein about it much to everyone's amusement. Johnny's intentions aren't always to get into Bucky's pants even if he says they are. Steve and Brock officially meet after so long and Steve needs assurances that emergency services are on standby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Chapter 14 pic/gif](http://kalika999.tumblr.com/post/143875874730/hunger-of-the-pine-chapter-14-time-to-go-to)

**Mid October, 2015**  
  
  


Walking side by side with each other, Steve hadn’t been to Coney Island in a long while either, not as long as the market though but it had been well over a year. The sand in every crevice of the boardwalk was the same, his shoe lightly nudging bits of it back into the gaps while they walked. The air smelled like fresh popcorn mixed in with the sugary scent of cotton candy enveloping the always lingering perfume of the sea. There were mostly kids running around everywhere, shrieking and laughing with each other at the top of their lungs, some weaving in and out between some of them to deter being chased and caught. 

Their first stop was Nathan’s, with timing perfect that they only had a couple of people ahead of them before Bucky and Clint pressed into the counter together like a pair of greedy children, ordering what they wanted while Sam studied the board. 

Bucky pulled Natasha between them, “M’lady wants a corn on the cob to keep her fabulous figure, a bottle of water and just a regular dog if you please.” 

Steve squished up behind them, pressing his chin against Bucky’s shoulder, “I’ll get a cob of corn, chili cheese fries and two chili dogs and a lemonade.”

“That’s it? You’re gonna starve.” Clint muttered out.

“Aren’t we snacking? I can snack.”

Sam smirked, using air quotes, “You’re the one complaining about your _massive_ weight gain.”

Bucky groaned, “Sam what do you want, his huge body is pressing me into this counter.”

Steve made a face, but before he could move away Bucky grinned over his shoulder playfully at him, holding his wrist to keep him where he was. 

Sam pointed to the corn, “I’ll get a corn on the cob, two regular dogs, and some bacon cheese fries. I’ll get a lemonade too.”

“Make that four lemonade’s altogether then.” Bucky piped up, holding out his credit card.

Sam opened his mouth to protest but the brunette only shot him a glare that completely threw him off guard and shut him up. 

They all piled around a large picnic table with Steve poking Bucky in the ribs after he started into his second chili cheese dog before everyone had even settled into their spots, “Where do you put all of that?”

Bucky only shrugged at him with a scowl, a spot of chili at the corner of his mouth so it didn’t really look that threatening. Steve had to force himself to hold back from swiping at it with his finger, staring away to the crowds instead with a shake of his head and a smile across his face.

The wind passed through with a comfortable silence as they all finished off their lunches, Steve watching the waves of water lapping over the sand, still a good number of people out on the beach and soaking in as much sun as they could. His fingers itched to draw it, part of him wishing he bought his book just to at least get the details in so he could work by memory on the rest at home. Instead, he pulled his phone out and took a few pictures, reaching over to steal one of Sam’s fries, promptly getting a slap on the back of his hand for it.

“Don’t be stealing my fries!”

In return Sam got a pout and the bat of long eyelashes, the brunette trying hard not to smile while he begrudgingly slid his fries towards his best friend, “You’re a damn con artist.”

Clint was leading the way through Luna Park, adamant on fitting in as many rides as they could in a span of an hour or so before they hit the snack bar, well some of them did. He aimed on hitting the ones with the shortest lines so it was out of their system before heading the more popular ones that were a must to go on, weaving in and out and calling out where to go to next with his keen sight and some quick climbs on fences. 

The carousel was practically abandoned by the time they approached it, Bucky immediately tugging Steve’s hand to lead him to the horses, climbing onto a black one as the blond followed next to him on a chestnut one. Clint grabbed the white majestic looking one in front of them, pushing himself as far back as he could on the molded saddle to tug Natasha in the space in front of him so she was facing him with her legs draping over his and her arms resting against his shoulders, giving Bucky and Steve a wave. They waved back, watching Sam get on the light mahogany colored horse next to Steve. The attendant barely batted an eye too busy fawning over Natasha to enforce the rules.

“I can’t believe I’m riding on the carousel again, I haven’t been on here since I was a little kid!”

“It’s mandatory, we go every time we’re come here, right Nat?”

She raised her head slightly, nodding but not exactly listening too busy snuggling into Clint’s tight hold while he left soft little kisses along her neck. Her red painted fingernails brushed along the back of his neck, whispering something in his ear which only made him laugh against her skin.

“They’re too busy necking.” Steve supplied with a teasing smile, giving the redhead a wink. He reached his arms out and Sam smirked over at him taking his hand, Bucky taking his other hand watching as the ride begin moving, swinging his arm as he smiled to himself. 

They eventually got to Lynn’s Trapeze to take an aerial ride together, connecting their swing seats together by hands or grabbing on to one of the chains hooked to their seats. The group barely managed suppress all their laughter back while Sam and Clint sang a loud and overdramatic rendition of ‘My Heart Will Go On’ while the wind ripped through their hair and they clutched at each others forearms like star crossed lovers as the ride swung them through the air. 

They came to a head with Wild River damping their shirts but not their attitudes, stupidly singing along with dripping hair to the loudspeakers nearby playing ‘We Are The Champions’ before Bucky and Clint scrambled for the funnel cake stand to place an order.

Steve watched them both slide up at another picnic table, the both of them holding paper plates with a large thick funnel cake for each of them complete with chocolate syrup, fresh whipped cream and powdered sugar all over. Bucky was already digging in before he even parked his butt down, the first few bites causing him to moan out in pleasure and collapse into his friend. Clint elbowed him away with a grin, taking a bite of his, glancing up at Steve joining them at the table by sitting across from them beside the tiny stall. 

"Are they really that good?"

"Ugh, you wouldn't say that if you tried it." Bucky muttered out, looking a little offended. He tilted his head gesturing him to sit beside him and immediately Steve changed places, opening his mouth. 

Sam playfully nudged Natasha, "He's got him trained, doesn't he?"

The redhead gave him a knowing look, her mouth twitching with a small smile trying her best not to encourage him while she nibbled on a caramel apple.

Steve was fed a bite, complete with a dangerous amount of whipped cream, chewing away as his face passed along overwhelming feelings of pleasure, surprise and happiness.

"Barnes, you need to stop corrupting my workout partner."

Bucky glanced over to Sam with a look of innocence, "I'm doing nothing of the sort. He's a big boy, he can tell me if he doesn't want to." He picked up a napkin, wiping off some cream from Steve's cheek as the blond gave him a grateful look.

"Somehow I _really_ doubt it." Sam muttered out under his breath, trying not to laugh.

Clint managed to polish off his funnel cake before Bucky though to be fair Steve was not so helpfully poking fingers into the whipped cream and chocolate, eventually finding their way into his mouth while Bucky ate slower to watch him do it and they were giving each other wanting looks when the other was looking away. It was pretty gross, Sam and Natasha exchanging conspiratorial looks with Clint while he was resisting the urge not to gag, getting away from beside the pair of them to grab a map and event flyer nearby groaning even before he sat down, this time beside his girlfriend and definitely not beside those two. 

“One of the haunted houses aren’t open till five. We’re gonna miss it.”

Bucky gave him an apologetic smile, “You guys can go if you like, I can always take a cab home. I really don’t mind.”

Immediately Natasha reached over and took his hand, “No James, we’ll all go home and make sure you’re ready.”

  


Like usual, there was a whole thing they danced around every year and the dread kicked in. The one main reason they came out aside from the rides, food and games. 

“Every year.” Bucky grumbled out with his arms folded over his chest staring up at the gaudy Spook-A-Rama sign, suddenly feeling self conscious as they all shuffled in the line. 

Clint, Natasha, and Sam glanced over with looks like they were up to no good and he was sure they weren’t Bucky feeling a lot more self conscious than he did five seconds ago. 

Clint threw an arm over Bucky’s shoulders, “Don’t worry, I’ll protect you.”

Looking for help, Bucky looked at Steve helplessly and the blond smiled, “Aw come on guys, leave him alone. We don’t have to go if you don’t want to Buck. I know some rides I’d love to go back on.”

Rolling his eyes, Sam nudged Steve with his elbow, “You’re an enabler Steve. Totally textbook, how’s Bucky going to face his fears if you keep babying him?”

“Like this would help.” Bucky muttered softly, he was not going to be responsible for any zombies getting their faces punched in tonight. Nope.

“It’s okay James,” Natasha piped up, smirking at him. “Steve will protect you.”

“You know what? _Good_. Steve you’re with me, those three can go in together or alone whatever. Me and you, yeah?”

Steve grinned, “Deal. It’s not even that bad either, it’s just a silly ride.”

Agreeing, Bucky tilted his head in thought, “You’re riding the Cyclone with me too by the way, at least three times.”

“How are you not into a classic scary ride like this but you want to go on the Cyclone at least three times? Isn’t that kind of backwards?”

“Are you backing out on me? And, I don’t know. Nothing’s jumping out on a roller coaster, I like them.”

Steve quickly shook his head, “Of course not, I love that ride no way I’m missing out.”

Once again Steve had said the right things and Bucky could only stare at him like he hung the moon and probably the stars. He turned his face to hide the uncontrollable giddy smile he was making, he’d never told anyone but he actually had a wish to ride the Cyclone with Steve one day. It looked like today was his lucky day.

The line, unfortunately, was moving quickly and steadily for the thing he was kinda wishy washy on. Not that anyone looked upset about it, quite the opposite, everyone but Bucky looked excited. Groups of friends, couples, families all in their little groups excited to check out the ride, always something new added and it was something everyone wanted to do if they were here during October.

Bucky quietly tried to ease the anxiety blooming inside his chest, busy with attempting to distract himself from the inevitable knowing he was going to end up screaming his head off in there no matter what. 

They were getting close to the front of the line while Sam, Clint and Natasha were in their own conversation in front of them stringing urban legend yarns to each other.

“You know,” Steve smirked as he put his arm out for Bucky. “I should start charging you for this.”

Bucky looked affronted at the idea, folding his arms over his chest shifting away from him, “You can sit with Sam, I’ll sit with whoever they seat me with, it’s fine Asshole.”

Assuming Steve would laugh, Bucky looked at him to find he genuinely looked hurt and he reached over to pinch his arm.

“Ow! What was that for?”

Bucky shrugged, “For being stupid.”

Steve only glared and grabbed at his hands, holding them firm and tight to the middle of his chest and Bucky only stared back with a defiant grin wiggling his fingers as much as he could for good measure.

“Okay break it up you two, we’re at the front.” Sam let out, looking like he was struggling to keep a laugh from coming out of him, hand roaming across his mouth, looking at Clint grinning himself.

Bucky’s mouth suddenly went dry.

Natasha turned to him, “You ready? Not going to chicken out right?”

The thing was everyone thought Bucky was safe from Natasha’s teasing, they were completely and utterly wrong jumping away when she poked two fingers into his side, his face scowling at her, “No chickening out.”

An attendant motioned towards their group for two people to come sit in the ride car except that three of them all stepped forward, Sam getting in and Clint following behind him. The worker was about to stop Natasha when she flashed him a sweet as sugar smile and took his hand as if he was offering her help to get in. She thanked him oh so adorably and planted herself on Clint’s lap, Sam trying his hardest not to laugh at the man’s bewildered face as the car began moving forward and the other attendant gave him a confused gesture wondering why he didn’t stop her.

There was weird creepy Halloween music playing that seemed to get under Bucky’s skin, he wasn’t sure why it happened, it just sat there and dug at him. Every year he hoped it would be too dumb, too boring, maybe he would grow out of it and every year he still got nervous before he got into one of the ride cars. The track looked older than his grandparents, creaky old double doors waiting to swallow them whole and he could only sigh to himself. It was dark in there from what he could see. He knew already that the whole ride was in complete darkness but every single time he reminded himself of that fact and it only wound him up further. 

Curious, Bucky strained to listen to the sounds of screams from within the haunted ride followed by excited laughter and amusement. He wanted to laugh but as Steve led him since they were next into the two man car, the other three already well on their way in, Bucky only felt a rush of anxiety. His fingers gripped tight to Steve’s hand, giving him a look to not let go and the blond only squeezed back gently, sitting down beside him. 

“Really, if you don’t want to do this, we don’t have to. I can stop them before they start us up.”

The thing was though, Bucky had fun. He was definitely frightened and scared but he was also in love with the thrill and the jumps. It was why he didn’t put up a fight, he hated putting himself through it but he loved getting the rush. 

“I’m okay, got you don’t I?” He grinned, watching a splash of color grace Steve’s features and it was adorably sweet, the car jarring them before moving forward into the pitch black mouth of madness. 

Steve tightened his grip assuring Bucky he was there the whole time. Bucky wanted this but didn’t want it, jumping at small little jump scares of animatronic witches and cackling skeletons. He shifted closer to Steve silently scolding himself about getting so frightened when he felt something brush past his arm and he literally screeched something awful making a grab for Steve’s arm with both of his. 

Whatever it was seemed to do the same to Steve and he only laughed a little, “That tickled.”

Bucky would have punched him in the face if he wasn’t so freaked out. As they went further in, warm hot air breathed out behind him, he squeezed his eyes shut and tucked his face into Steve’s bicep. Cursing himself again for loving something that was making him lose his wits, although he usually was able to ply everyone else with what he wanted to do after going on it and going on the Cyclone with Steve was all well worth it. 

“You’re okay Buck.”

With his face buried into the meat of Steve’s arm, he could hear the screams and noises happening around him but he couldn’t see them which was some form of cheating if you actually get the guts to ride a scary ride. Cautiously he raised his head to look, immediately regretting it when there was moving at the side corridor by the flashing strobe lights. Bucky wished he saw nothing, wished he had kept his head buried but he distinctly saw a _clown_ and he was instantly on high alert. 

“Oh god I saw a clown, Steve I saw a clown get me out of here. _Steve_!”

The blond couldn’t help but chuckle, “Buck, we’re on a set ride. We can’t exactly get out and walk, remember I got you. No clown’s going to- ”

Bucky felt utterly betrayed by Steve when _both_ of them screamed out in surprise, arms snaking around their shoulders and a head sticking in between them, a creepy voice greeting them with a hello. 

“Nope! No no no!” Wiggling away from the arm, Bucky pressed forward in the small space of the car, inevitably placing himself in front of Steve and on his lap.

Arms wrapped around him, a helpless laugh coming out of Steve, “Buck, _Bucky_ calm down. He’s gone, it’s okay.” He proved it so by taking Bucky’s arm and feeling out only thin air.

Bucky gave himself a nod, slipping back in the space beside Steve trying to regulate his breathing to a normal pace, a yelp burst out of him when a skeleton fell from the ceiling and laughed at him, Steve’s fingers entwining with his, giving him a small squeeze. Under the random flicker of red or white at jump scares Bucky could see Steve all smiles and eagerly looking for more, he would have thought it was cute if it wasn’t for how much he wanted to get off after that damn clown.

His body immediately pressed into Steve’s when he heard the unmistakable sound of zombies, the car easing down a route with what he could see was a narrower hallway than most, a small torch at either side showing prison cells and he knew it before it happened, his arms wrapping around Steve’s bicep again and suddenly hands began to shoot out of the darkness of the cells, too many bodies and arms trying to get past the bars tugging and grasping at both of their shirts from either side with hungry frustrated moans filling the corridor. He knew it was fake, these were workers but it was so real to him at that moment, pressing himself further against Steve, his body wiggling into the space between the back of the car and Steve’s back just so hands couldn’t reach him anymore, his face buried against his shoulder blade and his eyes closed, if his best friend was going to offer to protect him, he sure as hell was going to use him as a shield. 

Bucky was finished with all the fun and games of a haunted house ride and stayed positioned behind his human barrier, Steve’s hand wrenched back for Bucky to hold on tight to, his fingers lightly patting his outer thigh as he kept telling him it was okay.

It wasn’t until the warm stuffiness suddenly changed to cooler air and there were sounds of people chatting as well as the sound of his friends laughing that he realized their ride had ended and _all_ eyes were on him: their friends, workers, people waiting in line though some had looks of pure jealousy because let’s face it, having a God as a human shield was pretty great.

Clint laughed the loudest as Bucky eased himself out, attempting to climb out of the car while his legs felt like jello and Sam had to grab his arm to stabilize him.

“You know it’s rude to laugh at your friends!”

They all turned to a pair of kids waiting in line with a parent.

“Yeah, you shouldn’t make fun of things he’s scared of, you should help him not be scared. You shouldn’t be so mean!”

Sam grinned, nodding towards the pair, “They’re exactly right, Clint that wasn’t very nice.”

“Yeah _Clint_ you doodoo head!”

“Kate!” The woman they were with apologized, pulling them away from the chain fencing. 

Everyone’s eyes went wide, Clint looking absolutely shocked, throwing his hands on his hips, “I am so _not_ a doodoo head!”

“Yes you are!” Kate cried out, sticking her tongue out at him defiantly before she was pulled away again and the group of them started walking off.

Sam and Steve stifled for as long as they could, but eventually broke out in a fit of giggles, Bucky grinning wide, “I can always appreciate kids having my back.”

 

“Okay, a few things. First, we have to sit in the front, no matter how long it takes Rogers, the front. Secondly no holding on, hands in the air or out if you want them torn off for some damn reason just as long as you’re not holding on to something. Lastly, this is the one ride you can’t be quiet on. Deal?”

Steve grinned, “You make it sound like I’ve never been on a roller coaster.”

“I just want this to be special.”

Steve looked at him, Bucky’s gaze locked on one of the sets of cars already going on a pass through on the Cyclone, head tilted as it rode up just to drop. Steve lightly touched the back of the hand resting at the gates, giving it a gentle pat, “It will Buck, promise.”

Luckily they didn’t have to wait too long as Natasha leaned in to sweet talk the attendant working there and with a goofy face managed to get the first two set of seats rather quickly. 

Bucky and Steve climbed into the front, a small murmur of how tight a fit it was behind them.

“Hands up! Hands up!” Clint ordered behind them, squeezed into the car with Sam at the other end and Nat in between. She managed even though sitting in between the pair of them looked pretty tight. Sam’s hands were already flapping away with a wide grin and Natasha followed holding hers straight up with a raise of her brow.

Bucky threw his hands up, glancing back at the others and Steve only followed suit right before they hit the drop, grinning like idiots at each other, wind rushing at them while a turn threw Bucky into Steve and he could only laugh before they went down again. 

For Steve, the cyclone was an attack and he was surprised for how unprepared he was. He definitely loved these rides but the second it began to climb up its first hill, metal gears making loud sounds as the chain pulled their car and threw them over the first drop he was feeling something was wrong. Bucky was next to him laughing and yelling with the others having a great time while Steve was trying but he was feeling an odd sensation overcoming him. For the whole two minutes of the ride his body was throbbing and when they all got out, his legs were feeling shaky while his stomach was fiercely agitated.

Steve really didn’t know where the hell it came from, the sick sensation swung at him hard and he sprang towards the trash can as his stomach flipped and churned angrily. He pushed off the cover of the lid hastily before his fingers gripped at the edges of the container and he heaved up everything he ate throughout the day all in one go. 

They all stopped laughing after Steve’s weird ballet stumble to the garbage bin and worry crossed their features when he got sick. Natasha stepped over and held out her half empty water bottle and some napkins she had in her pocket, immediately giving his back a soft rub. Gratefully Steve took both, wiping his mouth before gargling his mouth out with the water, drinking down the rest of what was left afterwards. 

Beside Natasha, Sam tried looking at his face in concern, “Hey Steve, you okay? Do you want to head home?”

His stomach was still doing the Mexican Hat Dance but the urge to throw up seemed to be gone, his hand lightly rubbing his abs softly with the shake of his head, “No, I think I’m okay. Maybe trying to stay on Bucky’s diet and going on a roller coaster was a bad idea. Sorry Buck, I don’t think I can do two more rounds.”

Bucky only gave him a comforting smile, “S’okay, you can owe me.” 

“Deal.”

“How about games then?” Clint suggested.

“Good idea, they got a deep fried everything stand over there.”

Natasha rolled her eyes, “You’re a bottomless pit James.”

Bucky pouted, “I just want one chocolate bar, just one. Soft gooey deliciousness in my mouth.”

A burp escaped Steve, a hand slapping over his mouth. It was like his body was giving him a sign to stop listening and he gave everyone an apologetic smile before nodded towards the game booths.

 

Bucky polished off his one deep fried chocolate bar and walked along with Steve and Sam, all of them picking up the familiar hooting and cheering nearby of Clint, spying him holding up an air rifle and pointing at a large red teddy bear while Natasha only smiled up at him, her hand securely tucked into the back pocket of his jeans.

"Did you see that?!” His blue eyes widened excitedly, turning to the barker, “One shot, way to set up a crooked sight Buddy! I want that red bear with the ribbon!"

"I did.." Natasha murmured softly, leaning her body up a little and Clint immediately took the hint, stopping his little victory dance to close in the space and give her a kiss. When they drew back, Bucky couldn't help smile at the stupid look that took over his friend’s face, lost in his foggy daydream that this beautiful girl before him was his. It quickly fizzled out into an excited grin, throwing his hands around her waist to twirl her around with a cheer and Natasha could barely hold in a small laugh. 

"Take your bear, Buddy." The man behind the booth let out dryly, holding a giant stuffed teddy bear that was practically the size of Nat herself. 

Sam clapped a hand on Clint's shoulder, "Nice one Clint!"

The blond couldn’t help but grin wider, letting Natasha go to take the bear, thumbing at the stand, "You want one Sammy? This thing is _easy_."

The man immediately waved his hands at Clint, "Whoa whoa, no way. I gotta make some money here."

They all laughed, Bucky sidling up to the stand to examine the air rifle chained to the counter.

"How ‘bout it, Guy. Wanna try to get a prize like your smart mouthed friend over there? Five bucks gets you five shots, no more no less. He got it in one go!"

Bucky glanced over at Clint with a simple smile, his gaze slowly turning to look at Steve as he removed his wallet from his back pocket, "How about it Sugar, you want me to win you a bear?"

Steve nodded almost immediately, completely lost in how slow and sweet like molasses Bucky’s drawl was when he wanted it to be, he couldn't deal when Bucky talked like that, like they were an item. He knew it was a joke but the way it made him feel, like he was the most important thing in the world with that familiar flicker of grey blue eyes looking him over like he was a prize himself. It was so easy to fall into the casual swing of his flirtiness and Steve couldn't do anything but get pulled in by it. 

The four of them stood by while Bucky paid up, waiting for the man to load the air gun with five pellets and hand it back to him. He took a long second to aim at one of the bright yellow stars hanging off a clip before a corkboard of stars with little notes of what prizes you could win. Directly dead center and smaller than any of note was the one for the bear already replaced after Clint had a go of it. Bucky let all the noises and people fade out, his gun shifting just a little, finger lightly squeezing the trigger feeling the soft hush of air release itself and he casually lowered the weapon to see a perfect round hole dead center on the star.

"Yeah! That's my Barnesy!" Clint cheered, startling a pair of kids that were standing by watching.

Bucky high fived him, while Natasha hugged him at his side giving his shoulder a pat and while Sam and Steve clapped way too impressed to say anything, the man running the game only stood quietly looking white as a sheet.

"How the hell..?"

Bucky smiled at him, "He was right, your sight is completely crooked so I adjusted for it. Pick out what you want Stevie."

Sam skillfully nudged the blond towards the game stall and beside Bucky, giving him a playful smirk before Steve turned away and looked at the five large bears hanging up in the rafters of the stand in various different colors. He pointed out the dark brown one smiling down at them with a red ribbon around his neck and the man begrudgingly brought it down for Steve, handing it over with a glare at Bucky’s smug face.

“Enjoy.”

Taking it happily Steve only grinned, “Thank you, I will.”

He stroked the bear’s soft fuzzy fur as they all started wandering to their next stop, he and Bucky walked slightly behind the other three and it was nice, his head turning to glance at the brunette. 

“Thanks Buck.”

Bucky only ducked his head shyly, shoving his hands down into his pockets with a small smile, “You’re welcome Stevie.”

Steve felt his stomach turn about again but this time it wasn’t to feel sick, it hurt a little but it was a positive sensation like his insides were dancing in happiness. He side glanced at Bucky looking off at one of the rides nearby and he could only smile at how sweet he was, not wanting to paw and pull at him while he seemed distracted and instead gave his new friend a squeeze while he proudly carried it through the park with a pleased grin.

Sam pointed towards the large Wonder Wheel, “Hey could we all go on the Wheel before we leave?”

“Yeah let’s go now!” Clint cried out excitedly already grasping Natasha’s hand and weaving through people towards it. 

Steve and Sam could only shrug to themselves and follow after, Bucky silently trudging behind them.

“Something wrong?”

He shook his head to Steve, “Nah, just never been on this ride before.”

The blond looked at him incredulously, Sam glancing back in surprise, “Really?”

“Yes really.”

Sam grinned wide as they all got in the line, “Oh man it’s the best! You’ll love it.” 

“It’s _slow_.” Bucky muttered out, he hated the rocking. Hated that times he had been on ferris wheels he would usually be sitting beside some jackass who thought it was fun to swing the car though these looked different, little cages and maybe they felt safer than something he may slip out of and fall to his death from, Bucky still didn’t like it much.

There was just something wrong about it.

He didn’t get much time to complain though, the line was pretty thin. The car itself was divided into two rows of seating so Sam climbed into the front while Clint and Nat followed him in and seated themselves into the back. 

“You two squishing in here with us?”

The attendant gave Steve one look over with his bear and promptly closed the gate door before he could answer. Bucky tried to stifle a laugh considering the look on Steve’s face was complete offense especially since he was complaining about his weight gain already. The trio gave them a wave as a new car began to slowly move in.

Giving Steve a light squeeze on the arm to distract him from the murder glares he was giving the worker, he flashed him a smile, “They only stopped you because you’re fucking pure muscle you Jerk. Stop silently death staring the man.”

He stepped forward, climbing into the back seat of the car, Steve following after him, “He coulda said that instead of making it out like I would break it.”

“Dude, you would break it though. You and Sam weigh what? About five hundred together? Clint might have a small frame but under those sweats he wears, he’s hitting two thirty..about, take off about a hundred pounds and you got Nat just..don’t tell her I told you that. Add me you got half a ton give or take, I don’t know about these old cars, I wouldn’t put over a thousand pounds in one.”

Bucky watched Steve still clenching his jaw and and he reached up to lightly pinch his cheek, blue eyes snapping at him and he smiled back, “Relax. You’re supposed to sell me on this ride I’ve never been on, remember?”

Steve’s face immediately smoothed out, tucking the bear into the seat in front of them looping his arm around his friend’s, “Right. I’m sorry.” 

They both watched their car move backwards while they loaded people in to the car in front of them, the car above them swinging with laughter from the other three. Grinning wide, Steve watched hands peek out from the car, feeling out the sun rays. He planted his feet, uncoiling his arm to hold the back rest of the seat in front of him. Bucky watched him swing his body back, then going with the motion he went forward, then back again, the car swinging with him.

“What the hell are you doing?” Bucky abruptly shot out, gripping the seat in front of him, looking up at the creaking noise above them.

“Swinging the car, what else are you gonna do the Wonder Wheel?”

Frowning, Bucky lightly hit his arm with a loosely balled up fist, “Stop that, please. I don’t like it.”

“Bucky..” Steve started out to whine but Bucky ignored him in favor of watching the bolts as if he was making sure his gaze was going to keep them on. 

They moved again when another car was loaded, Steve watched Bucky watching everything suspiciously. He brought a hand out to rub his back, “Relax Buck. We’re safe, I promise.”

The brunette folded his arms loosely over his chest, “That’s what you probably said about your apartment til a spider invaded it.”

He looked back up at the slow creak of noise above them, Steve joining his gaze but only to watch the car above them rocking and the sound of laughter coming out.

“Buck are you alive?!”

“Steve?!”

Steve stretched his neck a bit, “He’s alive but he’s freaked out!”

“I’m not freaked out! Shut up Clint!” Bucky shouted up at them, giving Steve a glare.

When they moved again, Bucky drew in a deep audible breath but barely had time to exhale when their car began to slide forward on the rails, his hands pressing against the seat before them trying to push himself back, “Oh my god!”

Steve laughed beside him, watching as the car rushed forward when the wheel turned again and they hit the end of the extended bar their car was hitched to with a bump swinging outwards from the velocity.

Bucky’s eyes were wide, white knuckling the seat, “I wasn’t ready! I Wasn’t Ready!”

“That was pretty cool actually.”

The car slowed its rocking, Bucky peeling his hand off to hold it out for Steve, “Hold my hand, I’m not ready for this! No one told me this would happen!”

Steve grinned, quickly taking his hand shaking it lightly, “Bucky, it’s okay.”

“It doesn’t _feel_ okay, it feels like a death trap.” He sighed, sprawling back against the seat.

“S’okay, if we fall you can land on me.”

His eyes looked over at Steve’s grinning face, “You can count on that.”

When they finally reached the slow turn up to the top, the car swung for a moment and Bucky decidedly stayed tense, watching other rides around them as a distraction. The both of them could see the so much from up there, the whole expanse of the fairgrounds and beyond, the throngs of people and into the city.

“This is incredible,” Steve breathed out, completely lost in it. “Better than whatever I can see in my cramped apartment.”

Bucky said nothing, only peeking out ahead of him carefully, not exactly taking anything in for a second. Steve kicked out his weight to rock the car just a little getting a sharp sway with a playful grin. The wind blew through the cage bars ruffling into their hair giving a small cool tingle to their skin, a seagull eyeing them as it flew by. 

For Steve it felt like a perfect piece of happiness.

For Bucky though, he braced his hands on their bench seat looking at his feet when the car rocked softly. His head jerked to look at the sound of an ominous creak, his eyes darting to give Steve an annoyed glare without a word then back at worrying internally.

“Buck, come on. Look at me not up there.”

Bucky frowned while Steve leaned back, stretching his arms out and resting it on the back of the car seat. He moved a tiny bit over, sneaking in closer and Bucky followed suit finishing off the gap with a shift of his hips, warmth pressing to his side and his instincts kicked in to curl himself into it

It wasn’t _so_ bad he supposed, watching the sun glittering across the water like a million diamonds strewn across a bed of blue. Steve’s hand behind him shifted to move off the seat of the car to drape against his shoulder and that was okay too, feeling his fingers softly fiddling with the seam of his Led Zeppelin t-shirt, his index lightly playing at the natural tear along there. The second the pad of Steve's finger connected to his skin his heart was beating faster, light muted circles rubbed at the spot and he had to forcefully will himself not to breathe heavier, loathing that such a simple thing was making everything race inside of him.

The music and the voices of people screaming and talking rose up high towards them but it was so very quiet in the small little caged car they shared together, Bucky’s head resting on Steve’s shoulder while the blond was watching everything around at such a high vantage point and taking in the salt sea air. 

He supposed with Steve, he could do this all day.

“Smile Bucky.”

He did it automatically, the words burned in his head. He adjusted it a little when he came back to remembering where he was, craning his head a slight bit to catch the phone held up in an angle to get the water and bright skies with them. 

“Stark isn’t going to appreciate pictures of me like this with you.” Bucky let out through a grin as another shutter sound went off. 

Steve settled back in, fingers back to playing with his shirt again while he swiped through the four pictures he took to see what he liked and what he didn't, “Tough cheese. I don’t say anything when him and Rhodey lounge around in speedos by the pool taking selfies. Yeah, speedos.”

Bucky held back a snort.

 

“Ring the bell win a prize, simple!” 

Bucky brightened when Steve looked over at him, “Want me to try?”

The brunette smirked, “ _Try_? More like get me a damn prize Rogers. This game has your name all over it, its all brute strength.”

Steve grinned, paying the carny. He made a show of himself for Bucky, flexing his muscles and sidling over to the mat where he had to stand to hit the target, tugging up his jeans like he was going to be getting a real workout in a second. Bucky rolled of his eyes trying to hold back his grin, gesturing for the blond get on with it. Steve wiggled his brows at him and raised the mallet over his head, swinging it down hard on the scale, the meter lighting up slowly but surely all the way to the top setting off the bell. Bucky jumped enthusiastically with one fist in the air and the overgrown teddy bear in his other arm and Steve could only laugh. 

“So you got me a prize, I get you a prize. Pick something.”

Handing the bear back, he only frowned playfully, “You know this is a cop out right? They have piddly shitty prizes for these games because they’re easy while mine wasn’t supposed to give you a prize.”

His eyes scanned the endless rows of toys and small stuffed animals while Steve stood behind him, Bucky finally pointed to the corner, “I want that right there.”

The barker raised his brow, “You sure about that one, can’t come back and change it.”

Bucky adamantly nodded and the man shrugged, handing him a tired looking goldfish in a small bowl.

A huff escaped Steve, “You know he’s gonna die in about two maybe three days tops right?”

Bucky nodded, hugging the bowl to his chest as they made their way through back to Sam, Natasha and Clint.

“So I just spent five bucks on a three cent goldfish?”

Steve watched him look over with shiny grey blue eyes, his smile genuine and sweet as his free arm laced around his own, “Thank you Stevie.”

Steve felt like he was melting and his brain could barely form a sentence finally just giving in to muttering a soft you welcome, the pair of them weaving through the crowds together without anymore words.

They all met back at the lockers by the front entrance, Clint stifling wheezes and snorts as he clearly tried to hold down a laugh when he saw the goldfish. Bucky shot him a look and kicked him hard in the shin, the blond wailing out in pain, hopping about on one foot. 

Smugly, Bucky held the small bowl tighter to his chest, Natasha handing out two blue sticks of cotton candy, “We couldn’t leave without it.”

“Oh God did I tell you I love you today? I completely forgot about cotton candy.”

Natasha only smiled, tugging the bag off for Bucky while Steve took his from her watching as the brunette dove straight in, chewing off a tuft of it and Sam playfully elbowed Steve secretly asking him if he was falling for a _child_.

  


“He has dark hair, wears these cute little black wire rimmed glasses and has soft brown eyes.”

“Oh no, no way. Not his type, this is doomed before it started."

Steve was kicking off his shoes in the entryway, peeking into the living room from the side with the last two pumpkins tucked under his arm, “What’s doomed?”

“Oh Clint come on now. He’s not super picky on his type. He’s open for anything.” Nat looked at Steve with a smile, “We’re talking about Bucky’s date tonight.”

“Oh?” He carried the pumpkins through to the kitchen, placing them by the back door with the rest coming over to seat himself down on the loveseat beside Natasha.

Clint made a small nod towards Steve then turned back to his girlfriend, “Nat seriously. I know his type. I’ve seen his porn stash from when we were younger to now, he has a big big need for his _type_. I’ve even watched some of it, he definitely has preferences.” 

Natasha’s eyes rolled, “So have I! It’s his first date in a while, he won’t mentally clock out because of hair color. He knows what he looks like, he’s still going.”

Clint took another sip of his coffee, shrugging with one arm, “Yeah to be nice.”

“So then, what _is_ his type?” Steve asked, stretching an arm against the back of the couch.

The look that Barton gave him was dangerous, Steve’s gaze turning to look at Natasha who was smiling which was equally scary.

“Bucky doesn’t discriminate.”

Clint raised a finger, “But, he has a type as we were saying. Let’s agree to disagree Nat, he likes something specific but he doesn’t nitpick.”

She only nodded, agreeing to him while eating a handful of popcorn from the bowl in her lap.

Steve made an exasperated noise, “So?”

“Blond, tall, blue eyes, stacked, nice ass. Winner winner chicken dinner.” Clint let out with a roll of his eyes.

Leaning back, Steve let it sink in slowly furrowing his brows, “You’re both putting me on..”

They both smirked and it was unnerving to say the least.

“We would never.” 

“You’re both mischievous little liars, I’m so on to the both of you.”

Natasha batted her lashes, glancing over at Clint, “We are?”

Steve could only frown with an annoyed glare.

“Hey, someone wanna help me pick a shirt?” Bucky’s voice bellowed out from the stairwell.

Clint pulled himself up as Steve eyed Natasha suspiciously, “Yes, the both of you definitely are.” He snatched the bowl from her hands and followed Barton upstairs.

Upstairs with bowl in hand, Steve passed it over to Clint before he parked himself down beside the blond staring curiously at Bucky pacing around shirtless in his room with two shirts draped over one arm. Lucky was quietly curled up beside the pillows watching the three of them with a wag of his tail, chewing away at one of his toys.

“Just pick the soft blue button down, it’ll bring out your eyes, right Steve?”

Bucky looked over at him with desperate eyes waiting for an answer and suddenly he was feeling his eyes go owlish and wide, a mouth full of popcorn with nothing to say. He quickly nodded and pointed at the powder blue one, chewing and swallowing down his food.

“Black’s going to make you look too pale. You’re already pale, you’re going to match off-colored wallpaper if you wear that.”

He had no idea what the hell he was saying. He _liked_ Bucky in black shirts looking pale, his eyes shined brighter when he did and now he had to be a friend and help him pick something for a date he kind of didn’t want him to go on but had no right to stop him from doing.

There was no having his cake and eating it too. Steve knew he was just being a greedy fuck.

“Are you both sure? I’ve never exactly been on a date before. Aw man what the fuck do I even say? Well that, I shouldn’t be swearing right? Jesus, I don’t know about this crap.”

“So then why are you going on one then?” It came out of Steve’s mouth before he could stop himself. 

Clint only laughed at him and he pointed at Bucky, “That’s actually a really good question.”

“Dr. Potts said it was a good idea. I like her, she seems to actually help with some things especially that hospital mess."

Natasha stepped in the room, gently taking the shirts Bucky had in his arms and encouraged the powder blue, “He met Mike at the library, they spoke a few times when he was researching and he finally asked Bucky out. He asked a few times, so Bucky finally decided to give it a try.”

Bucky slipped on the button down, fastening it up quickly with his back turned then he whirled around in his dark blue jeans, “He doesn’t go to the clubs, he seems nice..well he is but who knows how he is outside of work right? And Natasha thinks he’s nice which is a plus. Is this okay?”

“I’d fuck you.” Clint let out, grinning when Bucky’s eyes rolled at him.

“I would too.” Natasha chimed out, her and Clint high fiving each other and Bucky snorted. “You look really good, I would totally do the incestuous sister thing with you if I was into that.”

He rolled his eyes, “Thank you, Nat and..I'm pretty sure people thought we were at some point.”

Clint only laughed harder, getting more popcorn.

Bucky held his arms out a little, turning to Steve, “What do you think Steve?"

Steve’s heart sank, Bucky looked adorable. He had Bucky around for so long he forgot that he may suddenly want to date someone which meant he couldn’t live in a perfect little bubble with him anymore if things became promising. He never bothered thinking about it since Bucky was so against dating and now the rug was pulled out from under him, it freaked him out a little.

His throat felt dry as he swallowed the lump down, nodding to him quickly. “You look really good in that outfit, Buck.”

Bucky beamed, turning to look at himself in the mirror. 

Natasha stood beside him, lightly resting her cheek on his arm nodding in approval. “You look perfect, Kotyonok. You and Mike will be fine tonight.”

He let out a heavy sigh, “I feel stupid, silly even. I don’t even know what to say.”

The redhead tilted her head up, planting a kiss on his cheek. “Trust me, you’ll do fine. Steve, can you come help me with something in the kitchen?”

The blond glanced over and nodded, “Sure.” 

She looked at him carefully after he arrived while she slid the chicken into the oven, “Are you okay?”

Every shell of a cover seemed to drop in front of her, his shoulders sagging, his whole face shifting into a frown. “I guess not. I have no right but I’m still feeling down.”

She reached over, lightly rubbing his bicep. 

“I’m a terrible boyfriend, you know that? I’m getting jealous for someone I’m not even dating and I love Tony to death. That’s terrible!”

“It’s not terrible Steve, it’s a little unconventional but it’s not terrible. You’re confused with new feelings right now, it’s only understandable that you are having a tough time trying to deal with them right now when it’s something you’ve never experienced before. This is good for Bucky, his doctor said he should try branching out and make connections.”

Steve exhaled slowly, “I know, it’s really good for him to try something like this. What he usually does, maybe not so good. A librarian though? You signed off on a librarian? Was that a joke? You know him better than I do, do you really think he’s into a librarian?”

Natasha couldn’t help but giggle. He had never heard such a sound escape her and he was a little fascinated by the fact that he did that to her. He was pretty sure she never made those kind of sounds _ever_. 

“James is more than one night stands with guys that wanna party, drinking and being a loud mouth. You should know, when you both are alone and he’s comfortable he’s probably sweet, sensitive and gentle. He’s a romantic at heart.”

Steve rolled his eyes, “Okay, I believe the first three even though he’s insulted me more than a few times while being those things so it’s kind of not sweet, sensitive or gentle when that happens but I don’t know about romantic. I mean I’ve seen what he can do, he’s sweet but my level of sappiness romantic, not entirely on that boat with you.”

She stared at him, her head tilting a little. Her red hair fell over one shoulder and she smiled at him, genuine and sweet. “That’s because he hides it away. He doesn’t want anyone to know.”

“And so why are you telling me this?” Steve was grateful but he was really curious. Natasha didn’t seem the type to divulge secrets, she seemed more hellbent on keeping them hidden.

She moved away from him, checking the potatoes boiling away on the stove top, her green eyes looking at him again, “Because I like you, Steve. You’re one of the good ones.”

His brows furrowed, confused slightly. He went to ask what exactly she meant when footsteps rushed down the stairs. 

Clint’s hands were stuffed in the pockets of his purple sweats, Lucky following alongside him. “Cinderella is ready for the ball. He’ll be down in a few minutes.”

He came over to Natasha to rest a hand lightly at the side of her neck, his fingers gentle and soft along her skin gently caressing while he gave her cheek a kiss. “Love you.”

Nat silently gazed into his blue eyes, smiling at him unguardedly, her own eyes saying more than she ever could and Clint felt drunk off it. 

All three turned to the sound of the doorbell ringing, then upstairs when something fell on the floor.

“Is that..?”

“Can’t be, he’s early?”

Steve slapped his hands together and suddenly they all clicked, “Sam.”

He rushed to the door, throwing it open. Sam stood at the other side with a bottle of wine wrapped with a gold ribbon, “Hey guys, I’m back again!”

“We were wondering if you were going to make it!”

“Well I had to pretty myself up a little for this nice dinner unlike you Steve, just coming over here and hanging out like an animal."

He only rolled his eyes at his best friend, chuckling softly. They both embraced, Steve drawing back while Natasha speedily walked over with a little skip, Sam awaiting her with arms wide open again. They hugged tight and the brunette waved eagerly at Clint who waved back just as eager.

“Was that Sam!?”

Steve turned to the stairs, “Yeah Buck.”

Sam knelt down to pet Lucky, Bucky giving a wave from the top of the landing. 

A low whistle escaped Sam, flashing a thumbs up at the brunette, “Looking really good!”

Bucky preened, coming down the stairs, “Thank you, I’m feeling nervous.” So much so he missed a pair of steps near the bottom and tripped over his feet, shooting his hands out readying himself instinctively for a fall. 

Steve shot forward, catching Bucky in his arms. 

“Couldn’t have set that up better myself.” Clint muttered under his breath behind a hand scratching the top of his nose, Sam and Natasha trying not to smirk.

A blush reached Bucky’s cheeks, “Well, that’s a great sign." He pulled his splayed feet out from under the odd angle they were at to straighten himself out. 

Steve let go when Bucky looked ready, smoothing out his shirt for him, “Are you alright?"

Bucky nodded, “I guess my nerves are just getting to me."

Sam gave him a sympathetic nod, “Just don’t forget to breathe. You know your anxiety breathing exercises?”

Bucky nodded and Sam patted his back encouragingly, “Good, just keep that in mind. Don’t tighten up, just let your shoulders be loose and free. Take a breather if you get overwhelmed. Don’t do anything that will cause you to panic. Just slow and easy.”

It suddenly dawned on Steve like a ton of bricks why Natasha liked a librarian over someone rowdy for Bucky’s first date. He looked at her and she covertly gave him a wink. He suddenly had no worries about this going to a second date as much as that may have been a hope for the other guy.

She moved up to Bucky, hands flicking to brush stray hairs trying to go rogue and smoothing out the collar of his shirt, “You’ll be fine, have fun and enjoy yourself.”

Bucky smirked, “Don’t I always.”

“Don’t enjoy yourself _that_ much.” Clint shot out.

“And if he turns out to be a creep, give me a call I’ll be there in five minutes flat.”

“I don’t doubt that too you know. You’re really frightening sometimes Nat.”

  


Steve moved from the kitchen to the living room and sat down with his friends. They were settling in to a good movie that had rave reviews and already won a plethora of awards. Steve had been dying to see it but never got around to it before it was gone from the theaters. When Natasha mentioned buying it Steve obviously invited himself to watch and they all made it a night. He was glad and excited to finally see it, all of them full from the delicious roasted chicken and smashed garlic potatoes. Two loaves of garlic bread so no one would end up killing each other and some salad. Conversation was fun and it was a really great night so far. Steve really knew that even with a dynamic switch of him and Sam replacing Brock and Bucky everyone was at ease and the feeling of being right at home was contagious. Tomorrow was going to be unnerving with Brock being present but he only saw this as a rehearsal finally deciding he wanted to attend it and get on his good side because Steve really liked this a lot and he liked Bucky a lot; he already knew how all these people were very important to him and he really wanted to be a part of it too.

_The wolves were inviting him in._

He frowned to himself at the label, dagger eyes thrown in Sam’s direction for getting that stuck in his head even if his friend wasn’t paying attention. 

He gulped down his water, shuffling to get up again and move through the kitchen and grab another bottle out of the fridge. He opened it, seeing green eyes peering at him before he could take another sip. He gave Natasha a questioning look, sitting back down on the loveseat beside Lucky; Sam, Nat and Clint parked on the other couch.

“You need to stop pacing, Bucky will be home soon.” Her eyes sparkled in amusement giving him a gentle smile before she went back to the movie.

“Who said I was pacing?”

“You’ve been pacing.” Both Clint and Sam shot out, neither of them taking their eyes off the television screen.

Okay, so he was pacing but none of them had to point it out. He couldn’t pay attention to the movie at all, surfing through his phone and sending a text to Tony to see what he was up to. He gave a response that he was in the labs and he would text him when he was out, Steve could only slump on the couch attempting to take a nap while he absently pet Lucky’s head.

The movie finished and they had to get going, Sam had things to do in the morning and it would have been ridiculous to wait for Bucky at Nat’s place after a date. If he even came back tonight or if he brought his date here. Steve pulled his leather jacket on and started getting his shoes on, though begrudgingly. 

Sam lightly punched his shoulder, “Relax. Just _relax_.”

Steve helplessly shrugged and nodded, finding no point in arguing with him while climbing into the SUV after giving Clint and Natasha a wave goodnight, the pair with Lucky at the doors waving them off as Sam pulled off the curb and honked his horn before he drove off.

They hit a red light, Sam lightly tapping his fingers on the wheel. He glanced over then back ahead of him, “So how are you feeling?”

Steve crushed his shoulders together dramatically trying to shrink himself down, “I’m seriously fine. Really.”

The light turned green and Sam continued driving, “So you barely sitting still and fussing around like a little kid is all gone?” 

“I was definitely not fussing like a kid.”

The brunette nodded in front of him, “Oh yeah, you were fussing.”

Steve only unleashed an exasperated sigh, rolling his eyes. His phone chimed and he pulled it out, smirking away as he typed a message back.

Sam glanced over then back at the road, “With that look, it’s gotta be Tony sending you something.”

“Oh he sent me something alright.”

Eyes widening, Sam _really_ didn’t want to know, his fingers hitting the radio to drown out thoughts of what Tony was doing and sending, a look of horror on his face as he picked up the speed a little. 

  


Mike took him to a nice quiet intimate Italian restaurant that Bucky was familiar with on a popular business lined main street and when they stepped out on the sidewalk, the sun was just slipping away to make way for the night. He may have been slightly underdressed with jeans but no one made a big deal out of it and he didn’t feel as out of place as he may have thought when they first stepped inside.

“I had a good time.” 

Bucky smiled back at him, “Me too, thank you for dinner even though I would have preferred to pay for it.” 

Adjusting his glasses, Mike grinned wider, “I asked _you_ out remember? Makes that my treat. Took a little bit but glad you finally accepted too.”

He shrugged awkwardly in response when the brunette smiled at him, color lightly flushing over his cheeks. He was horrible at this, this was totally not like the movies. The movies never told him how much he wanted to throw up because he was anxious and how much he felt like he had been constantly boring because his mind had gone blank numerous times in the evening. Mike was polite about it, thank the Gods. Spoke to fill in the gaps of space when possibly Bucky should have said elaborated, he more than easily picked up on his nervousness with a light touch to the back of his hand on the table before removing it with a little careful smile like he was saying it was alright. It calmed him down immensely. 

Most of the dinner Mike talked about his work at the library and working on his post graduate degree in curating; how he was learning at the MET and leaving for Zurich in the Summertime for further education. Bucky supposed for a normal person that was a window to get out but he only smiled wider, “I want to go to Rome in the Summer.”

That opened the doors to talk of European artwork and everything was easy and comfortable but..

There was always a but with him.

He wasn’t Steve.

He felt horrible and guilty that when he wasn’t feeling anxious and wishing he could hide somewhere he considered safe, he took things he liked from Mike and compared them with Steve. He bit back moments where he would almost slip up and bring him into the conversation especially when they talked in depth about art and bits about his own work which he didn’t much enjoy talking about but Mike was curious.

He wasn’t entirely a hundred percent on avoiding to bring up Steve though..

“One of my best friends paints. I’m trying to encourage him to get a showing set up, I think he has amazing talent.”

Mike stared at him in silence and Bucky froze, all too aware it came from left field when they were focused on a conversation about pieces the gallery didn’t have out for display yet from actual famous painters.

“I um..” 

He stammered and blushed, shaking his head trying to make it out like he had random brain damage and it just fell out of him but then Mike broke out in an appreciative smile asking if he had any pictures. Of course Bucky did, retrieving his phone to show him the piece for Sam’s birthday and the one of Sarah, he showed a couple of his skyline pieces to illustrate how it wasn’t only people he excelled at. He stopped himself from showing more quickly tucking his phone away with a nod.

“He has a good eye, I’m actually a little jealous.”

A thin polite smile reached Bucky’s lips hoping the swell of pride he felt wasn’t beaming through and the pace of his rapidly beating heart wasn’t noticed.

“Yeah.” Was all he said as he went back to his food, taking in a forkful before he ended up talking about Steve any further.

A comfortable silence fell between them and Bucky could only stare at Mike while he stared back with a sweet smile and his glasses that throughout the night would sometimes slide down and he would automatically bring up his thumb and press them back up, still talking like nothing was amiss. Bucky enjoyed the gesture way too much. He was a few inches shorter than Bucky, dressed in a pressed white dress shirt and black pants with a blue tie, his hair was a simple casual style wavy and cut short at the sides and longer on top for that lazy swept to the side right after getting out of bed look slightly similar to his own. His scuff was coming in thick and dark, making his soft brown eyes hard to ignore and he couldn’t count how many times he became lost in them, fascinated by just how caring they seemed.

“Bucky!”

Bucky turned his head, seeing Johnny waving one hand in the air as he pushed himself out from the sports bar’s double doorway. He ran out through oncoming traffic during a green light on a two lane street to horns angrily honking at him and Bucky could only frown worriedly at his stupidity. He was still holding a bottle of beer in hand, black backwards cap on his head in a tight red t-shirt and dark cotton canvas slacks, a windbreaker hanging off an arm. Bucky always affectionately called it Johnny’s 'frat boy' look.

The brunette finally caught up to them with a wider grin looking at Mike then at Bucky again, “Hey!”

“Are you stupid? You coulda gotten run over.”

Johnny only shrugged lazily, gesturing his head at the restaurant, “Dinner date? Oh!” He put his hand out, “Johnny Storm, nice to meet you! I’m a friend of Bucky’s.”

The word _friend_ rang through Bucky like a wave especially when his eyes caught a couple of dark bruises around Johnny’s throat and a set of bite marks at the crook of his neck. He sheepishly looked down at his shoes, a smile fighting to stay hidden.

Mike immediately took his hand with a smile of his own, shaking it, “Mike, always nice to meet a friend of Bucky’s.”

Johnny threw an arm around Bucky’s shoulders, crushing him to his side, “Well you’ll never meet someone more sweeter or adorable than this guy, I’m telling ya!”

Bucky’s date nodded in agreement, “Bucky’s been a real sweetheart, I’m hoping he’s interested in a second date.”

Slightly flustered at the whole random arrival of Johnny and Mike suddenly admitting he would like a second date, Bucky could only huff a small laugh with a shrug, “Well we were just saying we had a good time.."

“Well there you go.” Johnny interjected. He yawned loudly, stretching his arms over his head before drinking down the rest of his beer and tossing the bottle into the trash. “I want me some Shanghai lo mein.”

He thumbed at the noodle house next door then back to the pair, “You two want anything, my treat.”

Bucky looked at him pointedly, “We just ate.” He tramped down the urge to say _idiot_ with it and Johnny flashed him a grin, haphazardly strolling into the restaurant to place an order.

Sighing to himself softly, Bucky turned to Mike, giving him a little smile, “Sorry about that, I think he’s slightly drunk or his parents dropped him on his head or something. I’m never entirely sure which one it is most of the time.”

Mike only gave him an understanding smile, “It’s alright. I think it’s nice to meet friends even if it’s a first date, gives a guy some perspective.”

Rolling his eyes, Bucky laughed a little nervously, “Well don’t hold it against me.”

“So, would you like me to take you home?”

While that was the general idea, Bucky suddenly thought less about it and more over sticking it out for Johnny. It wasn’t exactly for the purpose of getting in bed with him, it was more of a comfort aspect he couldn’t exactly explain. He was feeling slightly jittery and anxious again because of the evening wrapping up with him and how it should end and his request for another date, the feeling seeping through him like a fog and it made him disconnected to the idea of going with Mike. He knew there was no rhyme or reason behind it, he just preferred not to, giving his head a small shake and flashing the man a smile.

“I think I’ll wait and see if Johnny’s okay. I had a great time though, thank you for taking me out.”

None of it was a lie, but it all _felt_ like one, trying to escape the situation the best and polite way he could. It bugged him so much that he felt like this, the person before him had done nothing to shed any sort of negativity on their date, he was perfect and charming all through it and yet his mind was having none of it.

_He’s not your Steve._

He shoved the statement away, taking a giant leap by pressing a hand against Mike’s giving him a wider smile, “Really, I did.”

Mike beamed, squeezing his hand back in return, his free hand pushing his glasses back up, “So another date is a go? And me too, I had a great time.”

He smiled back and nodded, “Sure, call me and we can figure something out. Okay?”

“Sure, definitely.” Mike leaned in and Bucky wondered what was going on until it sank in that he had his lips out slightly with a pucker to them and he put two and two together, then he went on to wonder how he didn’t see that coming. He panicked at the last moment, turning his head seconds before lips pressed into his cheek and he winced hoping he didn’t offend him. 

It didn’t seem to upset Mike, chuckling a little over it, “Sorry, I should have asked you.”

A nervous laugh escaped Bucky, shrugging lightly, “I’m sorry, I just..”

He held his hand up shaking his head, “Don’t apologize, but really I had a good night, thanks for finally letting me take you out."

A happy sigh escaped him, feeling touched and he couldn’t help himself but pull Mike in to hug him, “Thank you.”

He saw how much it took him off guard but he hugged back immediately, Bucky watching a hue of pink grace his cheeks, “I’ll call you Bucky.”

He nodded with a small smile, watching him disappear off around the corner towards his car.

Johnny stepped out of the restaurant with a take out bag leaning against the wall of the worn brick. Bucky waited for him but hadn’t realized the other was outside yet, Johnny taking the second to just watch him, Bucky smiling to himself with soft red lips while long slender fingers skimmed against the thick black chain holding large double doors locked next door. He watched as he stepped up on one of the wooden benches on the side in front of another closed store, walking across til he came to the edge, balancing on one foot with his arms out before hopping down. Slowly approaching him, Johnny stood beside Bucky as he glanced up to look at the clear black sky, noticing the cool breeze ruffling his hair.

"So how bad was the date?"

Bucky shrugged, “It wasn’t exactly bad. I’m just not used to going on dates.”

“Sounds like dating is a little too polished for you.”

He went to reply when suddenly Johnny grabbed his hand, tugging him away. Glancing over in surprise, the brunette only flashed a wide smile, tilting his head towards the coffee shop at the corner. 

He wanted to go home, he wanted to go to Steve but his legs were betraying him as they followed after Johnny. An arm going around his shoulders when he finally caught up with long strides, they quickly made their way to the small cafe and a flush of warmth engulfed him when they stepped inside under the twinkling bell above. 

They were greeted from the coffee counter, Johnny shuffling his windbreaker slightly to shake out the cool air as Bucky took a seat on a tiny chocolate brown leather couch at the comfortable little nook in the corner beside an electric fireplace. His phone went off, a smile immediately appearing when he saw a profile picture of Steve he had taken while he was painting, face lost in his work and his ever growing scruff stained with dark paint.

"Hey Steve."

"Bucky, hey I'm sorry to bother you on your date. I just- "

Bucky reflexively waved at the phone, wiggling out of his coat, "Oh the date's over, I'm at a coffee shop with Johnny, ran into him on my way to your place."

"Oh." Steve helpfully supplied before falling into silence.

Draping his coat over the back of the couch, he turned to Johnny returning with two saucers, "They didn't have any chocolate brownies like you usually get so I got you a lemon loaf slice."

Bucky beamed, taking one, "You're a prince, Jo."

"Who's Jo?" Steve broke in before he made a small oddly pained sound, "Oh right Johnny."

"You alright there?"

"Yeah, I stubbed my toe." Steve lied, sighing inwardly. "I guess you won't be stopping by then?"

Johnny sat beside him after he removed his jacket, settling in with an arm draped against the back, one of the magazines on his lap waiting for their coffees. Bucky smiled against the phone, "I don't know, we're having coffee then who knows."

Blue eyes looked over at him with a devilish grin, leaning in playfully nibble the side of Bucky's neck muttering a hi Steve against his skin.

Laughing, Bucky shoved him away, “Eat your damn noodles!”

“How about I eat you instead?” He retorted, nosing Bucky’s jaw, his hand moving down to squeeze Bucky’s ass when he tried to turn his body away.

“Geez Buck, your butt is so cute.”

Bucky barked out a laugh, catching the sound of something dropping in the background, “Steve what the hell are you doing?”

“Nothing, I dropped the remote, maybe my beer..” 

Bucky gave Johnny a look to stop while he only shot back a dirty one, finally drawing back to pick up his food.

“So what’s up? We can talk now, Johnny’s finally in his noodles.”

“I..um..you know, I completely forgot now.” 

Bucky smiled, sinking against the couch just soaking in the sound of Steve’s voice. “That’s okay, I like when you call.”

“You do?” Steve couldn’t help but squeak out the last bit of it, not sure at all where _that_ came from suddenly feeling very embarrassed and Bucky only laughed, slow and sweet which caused Steve’s toes to curl. He sopped up the spilt beer with a kitchen towel, glad his reflexes caught the bottle before a real mess happened.

“I do but you should know this already, it’s nothing new.”

He smiled because Bucky was right, he’s said it before and he’ll say it again. 

“Hey Buck?”

“Hmm?”

“Enjoy yourself, text me later.”

Bucky felt disappointed but gave a small nod, “Alright Steve, bye.”

He didn’t get the point of all that just to have it end up like it did, his phone lightly tapping his bottom lip in thought. He could only let it go and try not to dwell pulling himself off the couch to check on their order leaving Johnny to eat. Leaning against the counter, he flipped through his phone, the girl gesturing two fingers for two minutes and he nodded moving a step to the side when he sensed someone walking over next to him.

“Hey you.”

Bucky’s general pleasant demeanor changed as soon as he turned and saw Jason leaning against the counter smiling at him like they were friends.

“Hi.” He said carefully not exactly sure why he just greeted him when in obvious fact he didn’t want to even talk to him. He supposed it was just easier than automatically causing a scene in a coffee shop because it wasn’t a club where he could just lose him in a crowd. 

“Fancy seeing you at my favorite coffee shop.”

Bucky thinly smiled, turning his head back to the barista still making their coffees, his head dropping to his fingers drawing along the counter, “Yeah well, we just stopped in to grab a cup and then get out. Not a usual place I go to.”

Jason moved closer, Bucky shrinking his shoulders in, glancing up when the girl smiled and slid two specialty coffees forward on saucers for him, “Thank you.”

“I was curious if you had time to think about giving me a do over.” 

Jason reached over to brush his fingers over some of the powered chocolate that had hit the edge of Bucky’s saucer that held his cup of mocha prompting Bucky to draw his hand away from taking it and in turn getting him stuck there. 

Locking eyes with the male as he licked the chocolate off his finger, Bucky could only glare, “Nope, actually I never even thought about you period. I’m not interested at all. So consider this the last time you should try asking because you’re only wasting your breath, trust me.”

“You think so?”

A bewildered look appeared on his face, “Yeah? I sure as hell know if a guy told me that I’d take the hint.”

He shrugged, “Yeah but what if you thought the guy was so damn beautiful you _had_ to keep trying. Doesn’t he get something for effort?”

“No, not at all,” Bucky retorted back quickly, raising a brow. “The guy doesn’t owe me shit. If I thought he was a fucking God and he said no, I would still back off. I wouldn’t keep hounding him for a damn date. There’s plenty of others to go after.”

“What if you just can’t?”

Bucky opened his mouth to reply but honestly had no idea what to say to that. Johnny abruptly pushed himself between the both of them instead, holding a hand out for Jason, “Well hello there, Johnny Storm.”

The male looked as surprised as Bucky was glad, watching as they shook hands, “Jason.”

Smiling sweetly, Johnny picked up the two coffee saucers, his hip lightly nudging Bucky away, “Sorry to interrupt anything you two were talking about but he’s my date tonight Honey, so if you don’t mind.”

Bucky walked alongside him, sitting closest to the wall, Johnny beside him again with his eyes curiously side eyeing Jason, “Who was _that_ guy?”

Bucky shrugged, watching him order something while he occasionally looked back at them, finding a place in the back corner to sit at the other side of the shop, “I have no idea. I’ve only seen him a couple times, he keeps trying to hit on me and ask me out. Really annoying.”

Back into his lo mein, Johnny shrugged at the comment, “Yeah, I noticed. Your body language was screaming for help but I give the guy a little credit, who wouldn’t? You’re totally twink bait, he prolly thinks you’d totally bend over for him.”

Bucky made a face, “The first time we met, I slammed him on the bar.”

Mouth full and chewing away, his friend only looked at him for a second, “You sure have a thing for bending people over things.”

“Not like that. Then at that club a few weeks ago or something, he was there when I was outside waiting for you. Didn’t take no for an answer and looks at me like I offended him for saying nope.”

Johnny glanced over at Jason, putting down his plastic fork to give him a little wave when he caught him staring, his other hand pressed to Bucky’s thigh, “Sounds like a creep. That’s what you get for looking all cute Barnes, weirdo guys trying to hound and pound you.”

Bucky frowned at his choice of words, sipping at his coffee, “It’s weird yeah but it’s not like he’s a stalker. I would have seen him a lot more if he was.” 

Johnny shrugged, polishing off the rest of his noodles. “Maybe he’s just that good, your Stevie know about him?”

“Don’t call him Stevie it’s weird and he’s not mine. It was at Steve’s work where I first saw him but he doesn’t know about the club. I don’t really see the point. Steve gets really anal about shit sometimes. You remember Dylan?”

“I remember and don’t remember a lot of Dylan’s.”

Bucky broke off a piece of his lemon loaf, taking a thoughtful bite before taking another sip of his coffee, relishing in the comforting feel of Johnny’s hand cupping the inside of thigh, thumb stroking light circles. It was nothing sexual, it only stemmed to anchor him in, calming him from feeling anxious over Jason so close. His friend knowing how to work him which Bucky supposed was a give in since the male made it a mission to read his cues.

“Well this one was the one you liked calling Hipster Dylan and it pissed him off to no end. Ran into him at Sam’s party after you were gone and I was telling him to get lost. Steve comes in and just wanted to punch his teeth in."

Johnny thought for a second then laughed, “Oh him! Ha, you shoulda let him loose Buck.”

“You’re as bad as he is.”

Johnny pressed his free hand to his chest faking an expression of shock, “Me? No way, I’m a lover not a fighter but I _am_ a firm believer in karma coming back to bite dudes like that in the butt.”

They exited the coffee shop when they finished off their drinks deciding against loitering and Bucky held his breath, seeing that Jason hadn't made any attempt at making an exit while they were there. He saw him through the window try to quickly finish off his coffee, glancing up to look at the both of them outside. Johnny looked back to see what he was up to and then hooked his arm around Bucky’s, tugging him lightly to get him to walk.

“Where we going?” Bucky wondered out as he walked alongside him, the both of them strolling under the bright white orbs of lamp light.

They heard the jingle of the door behind but no footsteps, no one had been following them but they continued as they were, a calm simple smile on Johnny’s face. “I’m walking you home, Barnes.”

“That’s very chivalrous of you, especially since this is the opposite direction of my house especially by foot.”

In truth, Bucky was glad. He could handle some weirdo trying to talk to him, but a little bit of him was happy he didn’t have to worry about it. 

“Well then, what’s this way?”

“Steve lives this way.”

“You wanna go there then?”

Bucky shrugged, squeezing his arm, “I’m surprised you haven’t tried convincing me to your place.”

A grin spread across Johnny’s features, “Oh, I wanted to do that, you know I’m _always_ up to do that but you look like you need to relax and not the way _I_ can get you to relax.”

Bucky could only laugh, watching his breath fog out and float into the night sky. Despite the nippy temperature, he enjoyed it, soaking in the silence falling over everything and for once Johnny wasn’t talking endlessly. They only walked in a perfect silence, his arm hooked tight and secure around Bucky’s with their footsteps in sync. He didn’t know exactly when they got in front of Steve’s building but it was surreal and he was surprised at the enjoyment he had gotten out of the stroll.

“This is me. We got here quick."

A grin spread across Johnny's face, "Buck, we've been walking for over an hour."

He couldn't believe it had been over an hour, a confused look of surprise crossing his features, "Really?"

He couldn't help but laugh, "Yeah, really. Must have been the company with you."

Bucky stuck his tongue out at him, "You, uh, want to come up for a beer or something, I’m sure Steve wouldn’t care.”

Johnny only smiled again warmly, fixing Bucky’s coat before he simply answered by leaning in with a soft kiss, drawing back a few inches so they could look at each other and Bucky pulled him back in with hands at his neck, kissing him slow and deliberate, coaxing more out of Johnny like he always did. He tugged him against a wall with him, their lips pressing harder, crushing for more as Bucky’s fingers moved down and dug into his t-shirt, Johnny’s own hands gripping onto Bucky’s hips. 

They kissed each other stupid until the need for air gave them a gentle reminder to stop, Bucky breaking away with a helpless choked laugh knowing they had completely lost any ability for composure. 

“Okay..” Johnny panting softly, raking a hand over his face, pressing close to Bucky’s warmth, his small kisses pressing into flushed pale skin, “We need to stop before we do end up going back to my place..fuck Bucky..you’re so fucking..” 

Bucky blushed, pressing his face against his friend’s neck, “Don’t even finish that or else I _will_ end up making you take me home with you..” 

Johnny grinned wider, face flushed and completely full of buzzing excitement, “I should- you should..” He leaned in, stealing another kiss with a desperate whine, his pants already uncomfortable, “..Go inside before you kill me.”

Bucky could only stare at him with a smile in complete awe of how he could still make Johnny like that, touching his lightly stubbled cheek gently, “You need a shave.”

He chuckled, “Maybe I want to grow out a beard, what do you think?”

“It’s not you, but whatever you wanna do.” Bucky gave the spot a playful pinch before he turned away to unlock the front lobby door and let himself in.

A thought crossed his mind and he abruptly froze, “Wait, Johnny aren’t you freezing in just your windbreaker?”

“Not right now.” He shot back with a dirty smirk then lifted his phone up, “Calling a cab. Go.”

Bucky shook his head with a smile, the front door automatically locking behind him as he stepped onto the elevator, the doors closing just as Johnny flashed him a goofy grin and a wave, heading back into the cold.

Steve lifted his head in minor surprise to the sound of keys turning in the lock. Bucky slipped inside, removing his shoes while he locked up behind him. He headed towards the kitchen, Steve curiously watching him from the couch, “Hey Buck.”

Bucky turned his head, a smile on his face, “Hey. Hope you don’t mind me coming over here.”

“Not at all.” The blond turned back to the television pulling the blanket tighter up to his chin as he laid out across the couch, absorbing himself back into the show even though honestly all he wanted to know was if Bucky had a good time. Considering the fact that he was home before midnight, a part of him was happily assuming that maybe he didn’t.

Bucky stood between the living room and the end of the kitchen, holding the phone to his ear, “Hey Nat, I’m at Steve’s, I wasn’t kidnapped or murdered so don’t wait up for me to come home, sorry I didn’t call earlier."

He paused and nodded, laughing helplessly, “I said I was sorry and don’t say shit like that, it’s real fucking scary to normal people. Okay goodnight, bye.”

He wandered over, crashing down on top of him, parking himself shamelessly on top of Steve’s thighs.

“You mind?”

Bucky smirked, uncapping one of Steve’s coffee drinks, “Not at all, thank you for asking.”

An annoyed huff escaped the blond but did nothing to push him off, turning back to the television.

Bucky took a long sip before leaning back against the couch, trying to figure out what exactly Steve was watching.

“So, how was your date? Did you feel okay? What the heck is with your hair?”

The brunette gave him a look trying to figure out where the sudden wave of questions came from, shrugging softly, undoing the top two buttons on his shirt, his hand rubbing the back of his neck warily. “I was fine, more nervous than anything really.”

A hand raked through his hair, fixing it out, “Johnny walked me home, we kind of were making out at the door. The date was okay I guess. Super polite and gracious. We went to a nice restaurant and we talked about a lot of stuff, he was sweet and was openly honest. You know it was a good _different_ but it was also..” He fought to find the right words, fingers tapping on his thigh in frustration.

“Not what you wanted?” Steve was looking back at him, giving him a gentle smile.

_He wasn’t you._

The thought flashed before him and disappeared as quickly as it came, a nod coming from him, “Is that bad? I don’t want some rude asshole or someone not social with me on my date but I don’t really need a- ”

Steve gently poked at Bucky’s arm, “A perfect prince Charming?”

“Yeah. I don’t know I said yes to a second date, maybe I’m too hasty and nervous.” Bucky nudged him back in return, his head ducking away with a smile, shifting around to climb under the blanket with Steve.

“Barnes, I swear if your fat butt crushes things that shouldn’t be crushed.."

Bucky rolled his eyes at him, climbing off to move the blanket before sitting back on muscular thighs, smiling and completely pleased with himself that he managed without breaking any of Steve’s body parts.

Steve glared halfheartedly at him not sure if being upgraded to _furniture_ was a compliment or not. He figured things could be worse. His mind went back to their conversation and Steve was thoughtful, glancing up at the ceiling for a moment, his eyes looking around before tucking one hand behind his head. He reached his other under the blanket, taking Bucky’s hand in his, both of them weaving fingers together, warm palms pressed, Steve’s thumb lightly stroking his skin, “You’re like the sea, Buck. You may look calm but there’s so much you hide inside of you. Sometimes you show what you’re capable of but you’d rather keep it all hidden until someone dives entirely in without looking back, wanting to know the real you as a whole. No one will know _you_ on a first date, they’re too busy trying to impress you.”

A long pause sat between them, Bucky side glancing at him, “You’re such a romantic sap, Steve.”

The blond nodded knowing there was no reason to deny it. “I’m starting to notice you are too Buck. You just don’t let yourself be for some reason, even though it’s way too obvious.”

Bucky mused, crossing his legs loosely ignoring the annoyed sound Steve made, “I’m not sure about _that_ , Rogers. You keep saying it, but I don’t see it.”

“I promise you that you will." Steve smiled, moving their hands so he could jab him in the thigh before he moved his head to the side to look back at the television, “Now just shut up and watch this show with me.”

  


Bucky rubbed his hands together nervously, palms feeling slightly sweaty, staring at the clock on the mantle of the fireplace before exhaling a small bit and turning to see Natasha smiling at him with a raised brow.

“You were acting calmer when you had a date yesterday.”

“ _This_ is more important than my date. Brock is- ”

“I'm what?” He cut in, strolling in from the bathroom.

Bucky had worry all over his face, walking up to the man, hands wrapped around his arms, “Brock please, _please please please_ be good. I’m begging and pleading with you to give him a chance. I know you don’t like him, I’m sorry but he’s one of my best friends. Please be on your best behavior. You don’t have to like him but please don’t scare the crap out of him, I know you Rummy.”

Brock put his hands out helplessly, Bucky refusing to let go of his arms just yet, “What do ya take me for? I can be a gracious host.”

Somewhere from the back of the kitchen Clint _and_ Jack snorted loudly and Rumlow flashed them both death glares. 

“Fuck you both.”

Parked at the curb, Sam climbed out of his SUV, adjusting his sunglasses as he stared up at the sun still shining bright over their afternoon, a grin on his face smoothing out his maroon golf shirt and beige chinos. He made his way around the vehicle, Steve was standing there staring at the stoop of Natasha’s brownstone looking like a scared rabbit which was impressive considering his size. 

He still wasn’t sure how from point A to point B Steve went from calm and collected, eager even to a scared five year old in a man’s body. He even wore his dark blue Henley that Sam was almost a hundred percent convinced was to entice him to have confidence in himself, the way he turned heads in the not one but _two_ sizes too small shirt did wonders for his ego. Most of the time Sam asked why he bothered even wearing a shirt if he wanted to dress that way. Frankly, there was no way to hide each and every muscle, you could see his damn nipples for crying out loud and if he was a girl Sam would have ordered him to go change it was so revealing. Completing it with worn dark blue jeans and beige carpenter boots, Bucky was going to love it.

And that, was another thing. Bucky. This was all for him. Steve’s hair, clothes, what aftershave, cologne or no cologne. Should he fix his scrabble of facial hair he suddenly started growing out, no doubt because of some off the cuff remark _Bucky_ had said. Sam had to come up to the apartment to help him out and get his butt out of there. 

Of course it was never presented that way. Constantly it was the fear of meeting Brock. Not the first time but it was, in a way, after so long but all this need to get approval was to make Bucky happy. Sam was pretty sure they skipped right over the intros and straight into date number..whatever it was and it was time to meet the parents because it was getting serious. This was starting to get ridiculous and in texts to Natasha, he could see that she whole heartedly agreed.

The front stoop had been covered with fake cobwebs and a ghost hung off the small porch light, Sam’s hand pressing down against Steve’s shoulder rubbing the spot lightly, “Okay breathe Steve. Everything’s normal just like last night, you had fun yesterday right? Just one new person to meet, that’s all.”

Steve huffed out a sigh, “Brock isn’t just some new person, he’s a terror. You have the police on speed dial right?”

Sam tried not to laugh, he really did, squeezing his friend’s shoulder again gently. 

“Honestly? You’re being a little neurotic right now Steve. We’ll be okay, no one will let you get killed. Sure, we know Brock is a little rough around the edges but give him a chance, I’ve met guys like him in the VA, they’re puppy’s when you get to know them and he seems really sweet on Bucky. The guy is just a little overprotective, give him some time and let him get to know the real you that everyone loves.”

Before anything else could be said, the front door opened to Natasha bringing out some decorations, a smile gracing her lips when she saw the pair of them on the sidewalk, “Hey you two, finally made it.”

Sam more than shoved Steve forward with the hand on his shoulder, giving the redhead a large grin, “Yep, finally here. Steve didn’t know what to wear.”

Steve opened his mouth to say something but nothing came out, his mouth hanging open as Natasha gave him a look over, dropping the bag of decorations on the stoop with a smirk on her face, “I bet. Did you paint that shirt on Rogers?”

“What?! I..um..” He blushed furiously, folding his arms over his chest which only caused the muscles along his arms to fight harder against the material holding them back and Natasha tried her best not to laugh at him. 

“Come inside you two before Steve starts to cause traffic accidents.”

Dropping his head forward, Steve followed Sam up the steps glaring at the back of his head while his friend attempted to stifle his laughter. 

“Brock come say hello!”

_Oh god._

Steve prayed for the earth to swallow him whole, Sam standing close beside him pressing a comforting hand on his shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze before holding it out for Rumlow as he sauntered out of the living room with a smirk, eyes sweeping over them in some assessment Steve found unnerving.

“How ya doing Wilson?” He grinned wide and all teeth, it freaked Steve out. He took Sam’s hand to shake it, his free hand giving his friend’s shoulder a light pat.

Sam happily did the same in return, all smiles and pleased as punch, “I’m great, good to see you again my man! Oh, yeah and I know it’s been a few years but I brought our team’s Captain with me too.”

Steve watched Rumlow’s eyes sweep over his face, a pale shimmery copper color that was brought out in contrast with the deep black of his hair, studying him with the same shark grin, “Rogers. George Washington High’s Golden Boy, how’r you doing?”

Steve extended a hand out, not exactly sure if he should have but the raven haired male took it all the same, shaking it. The back of Steve’s mind eased slightly thinking perhaps he was overreacting until Brock brought his second hand down over theirs, the one holding his tightening.

“It’s sure nice to see you again, sorry I didn’t recognize you that other day at the bar. Shoulda known it was Cap that Bucky was meeting up with.”

Steve smiled back, taking in the pressure on his hand, “Well, can’t remember everyone from back then, right?” 

He tried to keep it light as Bucky came around the corner, giving Sam a wave, his eyes set on the pair of them giving Steve a comforting glance, “Hey Steve.”

“Hey B- ” Rumlow squeezed harder, his hand like a vice and tears prickled at the corner of his eyes, throwing his head to the side pretending to cough trying not to show the surprise on his face, “Uh, hey Buck. Just saying hi to Brock here, it’s been..too long.”

Rumlow nodded, finally relinquishing his hold, one hand dropping to his side as the other snaked around Bucky’s shoulders and they gave each other a smile before glancing back at Steve, “Way too long Rogers, glad to have you come for Sunday dinner though. Family tradition over here.”

Folding his arms over his chest, Steve tucked his mangled feeling hand under his armpit acting nonchalant, “Sam and I are really honored you all invited us today, thank you. I know family is a big deal.”

“Yeah well, it’s true. I’m guilty of being overprotective of my family, isn’t that right Kiddo?”

Bucky smiled, shy but appreciative towards his friend, “Yeah but it’s all out of love.”

“Love, you see?” Steve was pretty sure Rumlow was glaring holes into his forehead, “He knows, everything I do for him is all out of love.”

Sam laughed, everyone turning to mill into the living room, “That’s what family’s for right? Protect your own, great philosophy.”

_Oh God, Sam no._

They all moved out from in front of the stairs and entryway and on into the living room. Steve felt himself curl his fingers together into tight bundles of panicked fists. He forcefully unfurled them, pressing hands along his thighs, feeling the clammy sweat sitting at his palms. He should have been ready for this, he had a clear impression of it, he shouldn’t have been surprised but he was. 

He was flustered and a little intimidated, Brock _looked_ like he was on his best behavior, laughing at Sam’s jokes and sharing a few of his own but he would occasionally look over with eyes full of threat. He could have been making it up, imagining it all but he absolutely knew he wasn’t. Brock Rumlow hated him and the only reason he could think of was because of the main person he was doing this for. Bucky. Maybe someone let it slip that he had feelings for him, it probably didn’t matter that he had no plans to act on them but he seemed to _know_ and he was assuring Steve nothing would happen if he was around. Which was great, good, they’re on the same page except Brock looked like he would kill him either way. 

Steve was fucked.

_The alpha hated his guts._

Clint greeted the pair from the kitchen, pouring out cups of coffee for everyone and they all stopped by the couch when Sam did, Lucky coming up for greetings and nosing the bag he had been carrying. He flashed Steve a smile and a wink, “Our hero already knows!”

“Knows what?” Bucky asked, now curious. 

Opening the thick grocery store paper bag, Sam retrieved a very large thick beef bully stick, handing the rest of them to Natasha, “We called ahead, asked what Lucky would like since he deserves a mess of rewards.” 

Lucky eagerly waggled his tail before sitting down before the two guests knowing that that was exactly how he was going to get what he wanted and was practically _smiling_ at Sam with his mouth hung open winking at him with his one good eye. 

Sam grinned, holding it out as Lucky let out a bark before taking it and pausing just long enough to get a pat on the head then he was off again to the backyard through the open back doorway. 

Clint smiled watching him go outside, “He’s being spoiled rotten you know. Brock and Jack brought over a box of steaks, _literally a whole box_ of steaks and a bag of new toys. Lucky has no idea what he did as long as Bucky is back home yet it’s Christmas time for him and he’s all fine with that.”

Natasha pointed out a corner where there was a brand new dog bed sitting and a few new chew toys mixed in with a couple of old ones, “We didn’t want to give him everything at once so he got a couple, you two supplied him with treats and he’ll get a steak once in a while as well as plenty of love.”

“Well, the dog deserves it all as far as I’m concerned.” Jack piped up from his seat.

A small murmur of agreement rolled through and Natasha reintroduced Jack to Steve and Sam. Bucky returned to the kitchen going back to putting slices of one of the pumpkin pies they bought at the market onto saucers, spooning out fresh whipped cream on of each before they were set in a tray and brought over to the coffee table beside a plate of pumpkin bread and pumpkin cookies as well as some meats and cheeses they had grabbed up.

“Man I love October, pumpkin everything!” Sam gushed after taking a bite of his pie. 

Clint nodded enthusiastically after him, stuffing two cookies into his mouth. Bucky walked back into the open kitchen while everyone ate, pulling a cookie tray out for his sugar cookies.

Steve watched after him, “You’re not going to sit with us Buck?”

He shook his head, “I got cookies to bake, you guys go ahead I can hear everything fine if you need to say something.”

Steve smiled at him, turning to reach for a cookie only to see Rumlow giving him a _look_ and instead of grabbing the treat, he leaned back into the couch, averting his eyes to stare at whatever was on the television. 

Jack rolled his eyes at Brock knowing exactly what his best friend was up to, elbowing him in the side, mouthing for him to quit it but he knew the male was a hot head only receiving a scowl in return before settling back into his slice of pie.

Sam sat down and watched Steve; his shoulders stayed stiff and rigid, hands balled into fists, easing out of them every so often when Clint or Natasha was talking to him. His face lit up when Bucky called his name but he was _tense_. He knew meeting Brock was important to him, because of course it was all for Bucky but Steve just could not let himself ease up. Sam had assisted as best he could, but his face sat with tight smiles and cautious eyes, numerous times watching Brock’s movements like he was waiting for the man to bolt out and attack him. He noticed that as well on Rumlow, his own body language clear that he was not comfortable around Steve but he tolerated him for the sake of everyone there. Sam supposed everyone was sharing the same sentiment that it would have been a fluke if Brock accepted him immediately or maybe wishful thinking. At least he got along great with him, which put a footing in for Steve. 

Sam clapped his hands together when everyone looked about finished with chatting and mingling, “So Nat, what do you need help with for decorations because I’m ready to work up an appetite.”

Natasha thought for a second, “I’ll be working on the front yard if you and Clint could start on a couple of pumpkins that would be great. I know Bucky wants Jack working on cookies with him so his pumpkin needs to be carved and if Jack isn’t doing it, for some reason Brock gets an attitude about carving.”

“I do _not_.” He snapped out.

She didn’t acknowledge Rumlow, pointing Steve out, “Steve, you can help Brock with the Halloween lights inside and string up some inside decorations that weren’t put out yet.”

Almost dropping his saucer, Steve’s head snapped up in surprise, “I um..uh..”

Nat overlooked his stammering, hooking an arm with Sam and Clint, tugging them towards the backyard, “There’s a table out there with the pumpkins all set out already, I’ll show you which ones are theirs.”

Jack slowly collected the dishes and cups, looking oddly between Steve and Brock, Brock giving Rollins an irritated look and his friend smirked back at him, picking up the dishes in the tray and taking them to the kitchen.

Steve sighed, “So what- ”

Ignoring him, Brock got up to his feet and headed to the box sitting beside the couch, pulling out some decals and a long string of pumpkin lights. Steve took the prompt in silence, looting through the second box sitting by the loveseat finding bats on strings to hang around doorways, a bag of spider webbing without fake spiders already knowing why, a smile gracing his lips. 

Most of the interior was decorated already, fake ghostly vines wrapping around the fireplace and a grinning skull sitting on the mantelpiece with black candles lit around it and spider webbing as well as a freakishly realistic looking crow perched by the skull. A whole skeleton sat in the corner of a sheet covered chair dressed in a suit like he was raided from a fresh grave and a mess of a spooky knick knacks like creepy haunted house looking candle enclosures, coasters and anything day to day switched out for Halloween editions of them, couch pillows and the throw blanket all switched to bats and skulls. A mess of spider webs everywhere even hanging from light fixtures; laying by the window was a stuffed straw man that had a noose around his neck most likely for the front window. 

Outside, Sam watched Clint shooting his head back into the house straining to look inside and he raised a brow, “Did you wanna go help Natasha?"

The blond smiled, "I’m not really subtle am I? I just think Nat is pulling out the gravestones from the downstairs storage closet, I should give her a hand. I just don't wanna leave you here by yourself carving pumpkins."

Sam graciously bowed with a grin, "Would be my absolute pleasure."

"Great thanks, if I just leave her to it she'll do it without complaining and I don't like that. We got music speakers to pipe outside and the back door's propped open so if you need anything just yell, Bucky'll hear you." 

“Music is a plus, I got this Barton, go ahead and help out your lady.”

He flashed a smile, jogging through the grass, up the deck stairs and through the back door, Lucky following after him. 

Sam grinned picking up one of the paring knives off the tables, hearing ‘Buffalo Soldier’ starting up and he tilted his head towards the kitchen, "Nice!"

Bucky raised his head with a smile, peeking outside, "Are you gonna sing Sam?"

Steve burst out laughing from the living room, "Of course he is, he's always singing."

Sam swayed his shoulders from side to side to the slow beat as he carved, clearing his throat to sing loud and proud, “Buffalo soldier dreadlock rasta, there was a buffalo soldier in the heart of America, stolen from Africa brought to America, fighting on arrival fighting for survival..”

Bucky grinned at the brunette, joining in to sing along peering over at Jack who could only laugh and sling his arm around Bucky humming to the music while he swayed with him, the energy spreading over to Steve while he stretched out the webbing, all four of them singing off key much to Brock’s dismay.

“Gonna go fuckin’ deaf over here. Rollins shut the fuck up.” He muttered, promptly getting the finger from his friend while hanging up one of the bats over the entryway.

  


Bucky held a cat cookie between his thumb and index finger, frosting it only to bite it's head off. Jack glanced over, lightly nudging him with a smirk, "Quit that before Nat sees you."

"But they're so good and it's for eating so why not? Have you eaten one?"

Shaking his head, Bucky held out the rest of the cookie feeding it to Jack, watching him thoughtfully chew on it with a satisfied nod. "Still, should wait til everyone gets a chance at them." 

Bucky playfully pouted at him, reaching for another to ice, lightly bumping his hip into Rollins'. He only smirked back at him, nudging him right back.

"Rollins!" Rumlow barked out, standing on a chair trying to reach the little too high wall corner which avoided him by inches.

"Uh Brock, I could help you if you need." Steve peered up at the male with a pleasant smile, already finished with the cobwebs and window decals of pumpkins, black cats, bats and ghosts. Corny, but Steve was glad he wasn't the only person that ran with the cheese for Halloween. 

Brock ignored him and called for his friend again, Steve’s eyes shifting to look out the front yard and he watched Clint set out five styrofoam gravestones and a small shovel, Natasha following after him with a bag of leaves and some skeleton body parts. Jack finally arrived and Brock was immediately griping at him, climbing down and handing him the orange pumpkin lights they were trying to line along the wall ceiling all throughout the first level of the brownstone.

"Here you do it, I can't reach the fuckin' thing."

Jack smiled genially doing as he was asked, “No kidding, you’re a stump.”

Eyes narrowed, Brock watched after him, “Yeah well we all can’t fuckin' be walking six foot Sasquatches now, can we?”

Brock pushed past Steve to get the wall hooks ready and the blond realized he was kicked out of the pairing responsible for decorating which meant..he turned to the kitchen spying Bucky humming away to the music. This worked for him and he stepped into the kitchen lightly jabbing Bucky’s side as he tried to pipe some whiskers on one of the black cats leaving it with a squiggly line instead. 

“Jack!” He turned his head in anger, startled to see Steve there instead before his eyes narrowed at him, “Ass.”

“I’m sorry I couldn’t resist but I’m your baking partner now, I got demoted.”

Bucky laughed, setting down the cookie to grab another one to work on, “Don’t feel too bad, Brock’s like that.”

Running his finger along the side of the icing bowl, Steve sampled some of it eyeing Bucky with a small smile and Bucky caught on almost immediately, “Don’t even.”

Pulling an arm around his friend’s shoulders, a mischievous glint in his eye, Steve licked off the icing from one of his fingers, “What? I wasn’t planning anything.”

“Of course you weren’t. Don’t even think about it, I’ll get you back ten fold, I promise you. Don’t test me Steve.”

Steve waited until Bucky was heavily invested in his piping before the brunette felt orange icing press against the bridge of his nose and smear down his cheekbone and jaw. He immediately froze, turning his head to glare at Steve while the blond snickered to himself, licking the flavoring off his fingers, “What?”

Irritation crossed his face, opening his mouth to reply, his brows knitting together before he let out a small huff and broke out into a cruel smile, “I promise I’ll get you back.”

“Sure you will.” He retorted back, watching Bucky set everything down to wipe the icing off with a hand towel. 

Bucky ignored him, going back to humming to himself and finishing off the rest of the cookies. Brock strolled by and Bucky couldn’t avoid the way he eyed Steve on his way to the fridge, Steve had seen it, plain as day with a tilt of his head, but he immediately went back down to the cookies, pretending to sort them onto a bigger serving tray. 

Bucky watched his friend leave the kitchen and he gently nudged Steve’s rigid shoulder, “You don’t have to be scared of him you know.”

He glanced over, strands of honey colored hair falling over his eyes, “ _Scared_ isn’t the right word for it. It’s probably relatable to it though.”

Bucky ducked his head away, piping a black smile across an orange iced pumpkin shaped cookie, “I know he’s intimidating. I’m sorry for that.”

“Don’t be, he’s important to you. He’s a part of your family. I’m trying my best, he just makes me feel..”

“Nervous?”

“Something like that. He’s not making it easy.”

He nodded in agreement, placing the cookie down and moving to another one, “He won’t. You might be dead before you earn his trust.”

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?”

Bucky smiled wistfully, “No, I just want you to know it’s okay. Everyone else loves you, that’s something that’s important. I want us all to be friends.”

“We are, I think Sam’s starting to adore you.”

The soft color in Bucky’s cheeks grew brighter, “Oh, that’s a compliment. For me, that’s my Brock Rumlow.”

Steve sulked, “That’s not very fair. Sam loves everyone and everything, I can safely say Brock doesn’t. You should compare him with Clint, that works better. I would have said Nat but I know when she doesn’t like someone’s it’s downright scary.”

“No, I still say Brock, wanna know why? Because if Sam somehow got mad at me because I did something bad towards you, I don’t think I would ever earn his complete trust again if I ever get it. He seems like a man who can give it to someone but once you lose it, it’s a long climb out of hell to get it back if that’s even possible.”

He nodded in agreement, “Good point.”

Dusting his hands off, Bucky gestured at the cookies spread out on trays at the back counter, “Well looks like we’re done, you wanna go carve pumpkins?”

“Definitely.”

They grabbed their pumpkins, all stacked at the end of a long propped table covered in a white plastic sheeting, Steve parking himself across from Sam while Bucky stood beside Sam, checking out the work already done on his pumpkin.

“Nothing scary?”

He grinned, “Not this one, the one I take home I will. I always have to do one scary one happy one. You?”

“Vampire, every year. Not original.”

“Steve’s not either, how are either of you artists?”

Steve smirked, flicking some seeds, “I’m not going to paint my pumpkins.”

The pair of them ducked from the flying mess, Sam glaring at him, “I got nice clean clothes on c’mon Rogers!”

A smirk crossed Bucky’s face, throwing a handful of sloppy seeds back at him.

“Oh, don’t you even start..”

Before Sam could even look up he was hit on the side of his face with a mound of wet spongey pumpkin innards that slowly dragged through his five o’clock shadow and landed with a noisy _plop_ on the arm he was carving with, Bucky standing a few steps behind him.

“Aw man what the hell!?”

“Look what you did!” Bucky yelled out, taking advantage of Steve frozen in place looking guilty to throw a bigger handful of insides at his face, pumpkin matter clinging to his thin beard and hair.

“Buc- !”

Steve was cut off with another balled up wad of insides beaning him straight in the face, the force causing him to take a struggled step backwards with a cry of surprise.

Sam wiped as much as he could off, Clint coming back with Nat, picking off bits he missed trying not to laugh at him and he rolled his eyes, “Yeah laugh it up, I think I’m safer behind the grill. Mine for here is done anyway.”

He quickly got out of the way of flying pumpkin matter and rubbed his hands together after uncovering the large tupperware of marinated chicken Natasha had put to the side beside the bbq, Clint watched him go with a chuckle, glancing back at Sam’s toothless grinning pumpkin.

“Nat, do we have something I could put the cooked chicken in, not right now but when I am.”

“Oh, on the kitchen counter there should be a large white dish with a glass lid by the stove Sam.”

“No Steve. Steve! _Stop_!”

Bucky ran around the table, Lucky running along with him barking and jumping around between the pair of them. Steve only growled and lunged, the brunette managing to scramble backwards into the deck framing. He gripped the railing of the steps, pulling himself around to run up the handful of steps when strong arms wrapped around his waist.

“No!” 

Bucky kicked out at the air in front of him as he struggled, Steve thrashing his head under Bucky’s chin and against his neck rubbing as much of the pumpkin guts as he could. 

Natasha and Clint grinned away while they started working on their pumpkins. Jack and Brock came out from inside, Rumlow gripping the rail in sheer annoyance.

“I’m just supposed to stand here and think this is cute or somethin'?” A grumble etching into his voice while he lit himself a cigarette, taking a long drag before passing it to Rollins.

Jack took it folding one arm over his chest, smirking slightly as his elbow lightly jabbed Brock’s arm watching Steve hoist Bucky over his shoulder while he kept on wailing in protest.

“I think it’s a _little_ cute.”

That earned him a death glare from his best friend, “Something fucked up your head when you went overseas, fuckin’ lost your damn mind.”

Sam came back out on the deck beside Rollins, raising his brows at Bucky scratching up Steve’s exposed back while his shirt was riding up, demanding to be put down as Steve continued on laughing and running around in a circle with Lucky.

“That’s some serious BDSM action right there..”

Jack looked over with a snort, exhaling the cigarette smoke, nodding in agreement.

  


Brock and Jack cleared up the small four person dining table, each pulling an end out to open up the center to expand it and add a third part to the table in the gap left in the middle effectively making it big enough for double the amount of people. Steve brought up three extra chairs from the basement after changing out of his Henley and into a t-shirt Bucky offered. Bucky himself cleaned up and then scrambled to get his scalloped potatoes out of the oven. Natasha laid out an orange tablecloth followed by black linen place mats with skulls and crossbones over them, Clint eyeing them with a smirk, “I wonder who bought _those_.”

Brock raised his head up defiantly and Jack could only chuckle, shoving the stack of silverware into his friend’s hands.

“Good idea Jack, shoving things he can stab with when he’s trying to threaten someone.” Natasha playfully teased.

Just in case, Steve took a few steps away, turning to see if Bucky needed any help.

“Brock talks big but he ain’t shit."

“I’ll slit your throat in your sleep Rollins I swear to fuckin’ God Almighty.."

Clint only stuck his tongue out at Rumlow, setting out plates for everyone, “I never said it was bad, I like it. I just know exactly who bought them.”

“Tash said whatever I wanted.” 

“I did and I love them.” She complimented, smiling at them. “They’re really nice for Halloween."

Sam came inside with Lucky following after him pitifully hoping the man would drop the dish in his hands while he grinned down at the canine, “I’m finished, we good over here?”

Natasha pointed out a spot on the table for Sam to place the dish of bbq chicken and some fillets of glazed salmon, Steve bringing over and setting the dish of scalloped potatoes beside them on a trivet while Bucky brought in some salad and fresh baked rolls. Clint came over with a dish of peppers they had bought yesterday at the market, grilled perfectly by Sam. Nat served out beers for Bucky, Steve and Clint, the others waiting to uncork a bottle of wine Jack brought over.

“I never took you as a wine drinker, Brock.”

The male glanced over at Sam with a smirk, dishes circulating around while Natasha doled out large spoonfuls of potatoes. He shrugged, “I don’t know, it’s the impression I give off I guess. Everyone takes me for a scotch or whiskey kind of guy and yeah, sometimes I am but then sometimes I just want a nice glass of wine. Everyone just assumes things about me, I don’t mind though they can think what they like.”

Sam gave Steve a pointed look and the blond barely managed to hold back a roll of his eyes sandwiched between him and Bucky. Taking a bite of food, Sam hummed in pleasure at the scalloped potatoes, pointing a fork at Bucky enthusiastically while he was still chewing and flashing him a thumbs up. 

Bucky grinned, chewing on some chicken, “You should come over and grill every day, no joking.”

Clint nodded, giving the brunette a light hit to the arm, “Yeah, I’m more than willing to hand the reins over to you if you’re interested.”

A happy sigh escaped him, ”Yeah if I didn’t have school or intern at the VA I definitely would. Trust me, and Bucky, is this muenster? I never thought about putting muenster cheese in scalloped potatoes.”

Bucky shrugged, “Me neither, then Imogen showed me I could mix it with cheddar, provolone, some parm and turn it into something else.” 

“You and I need to bond over food.” Sam let out wistfully, taking another bite.

“Speakin’ my language Wilson.”

Steve watched Brock laugh along with the rest of them, his smile genial and welcoming under a heavy gaze of deep brown set upon him for most of the night. Every single moment he felt eyes watching him he was right, Brock studying and tracking his movements like a hunter. He kept his own wary eyes on Brock this time as the others went back to eating their food, Clint and Sam lost in a conversation about their favorite comic super heroes while they were young kids as Bucky eagerly listened in. Jack and Natasha quietly discussed the writings of Tolstoy. 

All conversation eased away as he realized with an eerie creepy sensation that Brock still held his stare on him while everyone was distracted and eating, completely subtle but full of intention. His humored smile melted away into something more sinister, lips curling into a sneer, eyes shifting into a dangerous glare that Steve took as a very loud threat.

"Oh!" Bucky let out, dropping his fork against his plate with a loud clatter, he pointed towards Jack and Brock, Steve looking towards him in surprise, "You're both coming to that Halloween party right?"

Steve looked back at Brock, all smiles and happiness again as Bucky looked at him in hopefulness. Brock could only break out in a wider grin, giving him a light pat on his arm, "Of course Kiddo, whatever you want."

He didn't change his smile again, but eyes were back to glaring and that uncomfortable sensation clawed its way back into Steve, burying itself in making him feel uneasy.

So much for trying when he never had a chance.

  


“Hey, we hate to make this short tonight but Jack’s my ride and he has to get going for work in the mornin’.” 

Everyone looked up, finishing up last bites and relishing in the fill of their stomachs. Sam immediately stood up from his chair, stepping forward to put his hand out and give a half hug to Brock, doing the same to Jack, “Good seeing you two again, we should do this again guys.”

Brock smiled, earnest and genuine, “You too Wilson and yeah we should, love to have you come back on Sundays, you’re more than welcome.”

No one missed the lack of invitation to Steve.

Natasha gave Rumlow and Rollins a hug each, grabbing some hastily packed to-go plates for the both of them and a couple of containers with some goodies. Clint was hit or miss with the hugging, finding tonight a good night to dole them out, giving both of them a hug and Brock a playful punch on the arm on top of it. Steve stood up, giving Jack a quick handshake and a smile, doing the same with Brock except that he was reminded again why that was a bad idea when his hand was squeezed and he tried his best not to make a disparaging noise.

“I’ll get the door.” Bucky let out, pushing his chair out walking with them to the front stoop.

Lucky wagged his tail, sitting beside Clint as he was fed another piece of chicken.

Sam patted his stomach, sitting back down and leaning back in his chair letting out a low woop, “Now _that_ was a Sunday dinner and you guys do this every week?"

Clint nodded, automatically resting a hand against Natasha’s and she smiled at him, “Yep, it’s a rule. Sometimes things happen, Bucky’s out of town with his parents, one of us might be working, Brock has competitions and tourneys he has to go to as a coach, but we all try our best and whoever can come by still does. It’s the same every time; a home cooked meal, everyone together. Family thing, glad you two came and as Brock said, would love to have you both come back if you want to."

Steve raised his head to the sound of Lucky scrambling to get to his feet quickly, barking before even hitting the front entryway nosing the ajar door to let himself out onto the stoop before he barked again in warning.

“But you promised!”

“What’s going on?” Steve piped up as soon as Natasha rose to her feet.

“Kiddo, I just.. I’m _trying_ here! You gotta believe me!”

Sam looked from the open door, to Steve to Natasha and Clint, then back to the shouting, “Should we go check on that?”

Clint shook his head, he reached over and wrapped a hand around Natasha’s wrist, giving her a small smile, tilting his head to get her to take a seat and she did after a few seconds of hesitation, a flicker of worry across her green eyes.

Lucky barked some more, Bucky and Brock lowering their voices before Bucky backtracked into the house again, the dog following after him, stuck to his side like glue. Bucky gripped the door handle with his eyes narrowed, “No! No, I won’t listen to you! You _promised_ me! You don’t fucking care!”

“Bucky- ”

The brunette quickly shook his head, slamming the door on Brock’s face, desperately locking him out before tearing up the stairs with Lucky following after him, the bedroom door shutting loudly behind them.

No one said a word for a few moments before Natasha sighed getting herself up, “I should go check on him. Excuse me.” They watched her look out the front stoop before setting off upstairs.

Sam smiled awkwardly, slowly picking up and piling the plates together. Steve could only stare at the stairway, instincts telling him to go upstairs but he didn’t want to intrude and make a bigger mess, Natasha already there anyway. 

Clint slowly began helping with the cleanup, “Sorry about that.”

“What just happened?” Steve finally blurted out with raised confused brows.

“Uh um,” Collecting the wine glasses, Clint took them over to the sink giving himself some time to think, Sam beating him to the other dishes and he could only sit down with a small shrug, “Um, how do I put this. Brock is..he does coke but he’s been trying to quit. Really he is. He’s not a full blown, I mean sort of, I don’t know how to explain it. Like alcoholics? He’s functioning, can’t really tell he does it. Bucky’s been putting all his hopes that it’s the truth every time he says he’s going to do it. That there was what happens when he finds out Brock couldn’t hold his end up. He just really wants him to quit, he’s okay though. He works himself up and then they patch it up, it’s fine. He just, it’s really important to Bucky that he quit. I mean we all want that obviously, but he gets really scared for him, you know?”

He scratched at the fine faint stubble along his face, smiling a little, “It probably looks pretty obvious how protective Rumlow is of Buck, the thing is Bucky is notoriously protective of him too, always has been since we were all kids.”

A serene smile appeared across Sam’s face as he listened to Clint, “Sounds a little like the story of this little itty bitty skinny white boy who couldn’t back out of a fight, know what I’m sayin’ Steve?”

A loud heavy sigh escaped Steve, pressing a hand against his face, “It’s never gonna stop, is it?”

  


Sam volunteered himself to wash the dishes while food began to get put away, Natasha coming down the stairs with green eyes set on Steve’s back. He glanced over and she gestured towards the second floor, “He’s asking for you.”

He looked at his friends and Clint gave him an encouraging nod, taking the dish of salmon from him, “Go ahead, we got this.”

Wiping off his hands, Steve gave a hesitant look to the trio again knowing it was a little unconventional when Natasha or even Clint knew him longer and in theory should have been the ones to be there for him. They were, no doubt about that, he just didn’t want to step on any toes over it. Natasha gave him a smile when she glanced over at his mind turning, her eyes watching him like she knew how awkward he was feeling.

“It’s alright Steve, we get it.”

He eased out a breath, swiftly nodding before turning to jog up the stairs. He lightly tapped his knuckles against the door before he let himself in, the lamp turned on at the night stand with the sad little Coney Island goldfish sitting beside it in a much roomier bowl quietly looking as if it had recognized Steve but he was sure that was just him. Bucky laid out in the middle of his bed under a blanket with Lucky beside him.

Steve gingerly eased himself down behind him at his side, rubbing Bucky’s back gently, “You wanna talk about it?”

Bucky only shook his head, his hand stroking the top of Lucky’s head, his other arm folded and pillowed beneath his head. Steve nodded, letting his head fall to the side against the pillow beside him. He pulled his hand back, one index finger straying to draw lazy pictures across the span of Bucky’s back over his t-shirt. A few pictures passed over his clothing before a small content sigh slipped from his friend and he stirred a little, getting more comfortable.

“What’re you doing?”

Steve raised his head a little, not helping the lofty way Bucky’s voice carried, smiling to himself as he drew his fingers back, “I was drawing on your back, would you like me to stop?”

“No..I just,” Steve continued, listening to the way Bucky’s speech came out slurred when his index finger danced down his spine. A small jolt of electricity sparked through him as he listened to his best friend continue on. “..Just that no one’s done that to me before. It feels weird but it's nice, I like it.”

He figured it would and could only smile to himself, “My ma used to do this when I was younger. I’d get sick and couldn’t sleep so she would lay down with me and draw pictures back. I’d try guessing what she was writing or drawing until I was falling asleep, always did the trick and distracted me from feeling crappy.”

Bucky nodded his head, “Your mom sounds really nice. I wish I had met her.”

Steve drew a small house with a tiny fence around it, a tree in the front just like he remembered and a small bed of flowers against the front window, “I wish you did too. She would have liked you and that’s the honest truth. I think she could have easily fallen in love with you.”

He drew back his fingers when Bucky tensed, holding his breath hoping he didn’t say something wrong. The brunette turned himself around staring almost shyly at him, “You think so?”

Steve beamed, “I know so. Everyone that knows _you_ is in love with you, she wouldn’t be any different Buck.”

He watched Bucky drop his head forward slightly, a half quirk of his lips in a barely there smile taking it in like he was holding a gift. His expression changed quickly as his lip trembled and Steve couldn’t stop himself from raising a hand to stroke his cheek to stop any tears from coming like it was his job to do so, grey blues peeking back up at him. He opened his mouth to say something but suddenly decided against it, tucking himself against Steve’s pillow and closing his eyes instead. Steve only welcomed him, moving his hand off Bucky’s cheek to turn the light off, reaching over behind Bucky to gently rub his back again.

Steve hadn’t realized he had fallen asleep in the position he had started at until a gentle stream of light kissed the side of his head, Natasha peeking into the dark bedroom. He squinted and blinked a few times, finding Bucky tucked firmly into him with his face buried underneath his chin, slightly parted lips brushing warm breath against his skin. His hand fisted the fabric of his t-shirt so tightly, the fabric was biting into his skin. 

“Steve.”

He raised a finger to his lips, tilting his head to get her to walk over and she did, her hand instinctively reaching to touch Bucky’s hair but stopped herself at the last second seeing how deep into his sleep he was. Instead she ran her fingers lightly through Steve’s and he felt a weird sensation ebb from it, so very familiar like his ma used to do. 

“Do you want to go home? Sam’s setting to get going.” She whispered, letting the gesture continue.

He was too comfortable to move even in his casual clothes, warm and if Bucky’s hold was anything to go by, he was needed. He only looked at Bucky and shook his head, settling his head back against the pillow, Natasha’s hand slipping away from his hair but not before giving his shoulder an affectionate squeeze. He started dozing off again, watching her snap her fingers for Lucky to come with her before he heard the soft click of the bedroom door.

  


Waking up with his favorite warm body pressed against him was one of the few simple things in life Steve cherished. It wasn't the before or after of the moment, it was the now. Chest firm and secure against his back, arms lazily encircling him, hot breath against his skin, their legs tangled together. Sometimes he awoke with fingers entwined and the occasional unconscious nuzzling of hair. He loved all of it especially when they were breathing together in sync like it was natural, it felt natural.

This was not the time nor the person.

Bucky was up and screaming again, it was _much worse_ than the first time he heard him especially since he definitely wasn't having any of Steve's hugging this time around. He was fighting him like a cornered animal and he had to roughly manhandle him onto his back and straddle his thighs to keep them from thrashing about and kicking him in the face, forcefully pinning him down into the mattress. He struggled to lock and press his arms against his chest to secure them there and Bucky repeatedly tried reaching out at him while he was still asleep somehow, completely full of hostility causing Steve to become very worried. Bucky was amazingly strong for his size and it was the only reason Steve had to restrain him so quickly, he hesitated to jar him awake somehow or stop him from the screaming, not sure what that would lead to.

He looked over his shoulder when footsteps thundered towards the door and Natasha threw it open, partially shrugging on a robe while in her pajamas. “James?!"

“I got him Nat, I got him."

What he didn’t get was why Bucky was trying to protect himself from Steve.

"No!"

"Bucky! Wake up!"

It wasn't really the truth of what was happening it just felt like that. He was fighting _someone_ and Natasha moved to the side of the bed holding a very nervous Lucky by the collar to keep the dog from saving the day so to speak. 

“He’s not waking up!” Steve let out as Bucky thrashed angrily under him, his own muscles tensed and strained to keep him in check not sure where all the vicious fight was coming from. 

At some point Clint came in, bleary eyed and signing to Natasha as he took a hold of Lucky’s collar for her. She moved onto the bed and stroked his hair, “James, wake up!”

“Get away from me!” He cried out, gritting his teeth and tensing his jaw, full of rage and Steve had to squeeze his thighs tighter around Bucky’s legs to keep him from kicking out. There was a sudden strike across his cheek, the crack of skin contacting skin, the sound echoed off the walls and it made him wince while every one of them froze. 

Natasha drew her hand away, fingers most likely tingling and her face filled with guilt but Steve only looked at her for a moment with an understanding nod.

Bucky stared up at the ceiling with dead eyes, his body completely still and quiet. His mouth hung open slightly seemingly processing but not moving except for the light audible short pants of breath and Steve was so focused on making sure Bucky was awake that he almost missed Bucky drifting into his panic attack. He moved his hands away from his arms, releasing his hold as Bucky’s features stayed frozen in surprise, only his eyes widening. A hand scrambled to his throat, fingers pressing into flesh, his other palm pushing into his chest and it was the soft pained whine that killed Steve inside watching Bucky's tears start at he corner of his eyes.

Steve finally snapped out of it, rolling off and to Bucky's side between him and Natasha while she stood back. It was a calm one this time, _calm_ being a selective word Steve retorted back to himself. He preferred the hyperventilating to the throwing up and hysterical crying though he preferred Bucky not having any issues that reduced him to a look of fear glazed over his eyes. 

Steve pushed himself up to sit against the headboard of the bed, draping Bucky against his chest keeping him laying face up, holding him firm against his body and cradling him there, his head pressed against the side of Bucky’s head. He pressed his palm flat against Bucky's spasming chest, fingers spread and not too heavy but he made sure Bucky's body was aware of the weight there, his mouth tucked close to Bucky's ear.

Bucky's shaky trembling hand moved off his chest gripping Steve's wrist helplessly in his trepidation.

"Shh, I'm here. Just take deep breaths, _slo-wly_ , feeling me.." He drew in a long slow breath, his palm feeling the sharpness of Bucky's air stalling before he mimicked the action, Bucky's chest raised slightly, he could feel the oxygen filling him out beneath bone and tissue. 

"Good, you're doing good, c'mon, now breathe it out.."

He exhaled, this time Bucky doing it at the same time he was, "Yeah like that, exactly. You're good, you're okay. You're _safe_."

Steve gently planted a whisper of a kiss into Bucky's hair feeling him nod to his words. He was still crying but it was quiet, it wasn't something he was too worried about for Bucky. They laid like that together and breathed, Steve shifting down with Bucky in tow to lay out and pull the blanket over them. He gently turned him around so he could surround him better and warm him. He instinctively hooked his leg over top of Bucky’s own at his calves while he held him tight and stroked his hair when he could finally move his hand off his chest. He knew Bucky preferred this possessive hold best after and it had taken a couple of these attacks to figure things out but Steve surmised he was a remedy about the third one in, sticking to what he knew and what data he could finally gather and understand about his episodes.

He almost jumped to Natasha’s touch on his shoulder, glancing over his arm to look at her, completely forgetting she had just watched the whole thing, Clint already gone from the room but she smiled at him. He wasn’t sure if there was a flicker of something, perhaps surprise in her features, he wasn’t entirely sure. She only squeezed the place her hand rested at and leaned close to press a kiss into his hair, “I told you Steve, one of the good ones."

She let herself out, closing the door behind her and it was only him and Bucky left to the darkness. These moments were the times he really fought his feelings most. Steve felt it was the most dangerous between them, for him anyway because how could Bucky feel anything right then, he was clearly too busy dealing with himself. He was completely vulnerable when he had incidents but clear that he needed him. 

Bucky never had to say it but he gave up hiding it after his return those few weeks ago although Bucky opening up to him was producing a very protective emotion out of Steve that kept showing up over and over again. He knew it was there but didn’t realize how deep it could run. Separating his feelings from the sheer intensity of Bucky’s attacks and nightmares took a lot from Steve because all he wanted to do was save Bucky from everything and the more Bucky opened up to him, the more intense his reactions became. For Steve, that was only going to end up becoming something bad for him down this road they were on.

Whatever nightmare Bucky was having, it was immediately gone and dispersed into the air leaving him completely wrung out and exhausted. His cheek throbbing slightly with a faint sting, but Steve’s whole body engulfed him like a protective shield, soothing his mind as he tried to stop his heart from beating so fast. Bucky was not entirely sure what this was anymore. Steve curled up and pressed into him, trapping him in and he felt calmer with the knowledge of his presence, the shift of his weight and the feel of his legs and arms around like a safety net. 

He simply needed all of that. It just hurt so much when he was finally able to think and his clouded mind was processing everything. He was tired but he wouldn’t let himself just accept things like this, as Steve was now. This was never going to be forever; the feel of his strong body pressed close to him, the smell of his shampoo and his comforting scent with his breath against his ear telling him he was safe. 

Steve was his safe. 

Bucky didn’t understand exactly why but Steve seemed to not care about being the one he had to go to, he only welcomed it like he was given some job from some higher power and he just accepted it. He was adaptive to whatever he needed and it was amazing and so painful at the same time. Steve was always here, invading his space by being but he knew it was never going to stick. Tony only wanted Steve to move in to the tower and the second Steve decided yes, he would, Bucky would be back to square one and fucked. He probably deserved it, sleeping in the same bed as someone he was completely into who’s heart belonged to someone that wasn’t him. He deserved all the shit that was coming to him. 

“Bucky,” Steve softly interrupted him, his voice light and barely there, lips brushing along his hair. He watched Steve’s fingers move up carefully to his cheeks, gently brushing tears off his damp lashes.

“Don’t cry.” 

He sounded so sweet, like he was quietly begging for him not to be anxious anymore, hoping for him to ease out of it.

Bucky let the words sink in and it was all sudden. He squeezed his eyes shut, pressing his fingers against them. His distress took over in full force, welling up from within his chest as the tightness in his throat crushed him and his features twisted uncomfortably. He tucked his face into Steve’s arm, soft tremors rolled through his body, shoulders shaking as he began crying helplessly into his skin.

“Bucky?"

He couldn’t stop them from coming, his tears rushing hot and wet, the warmth of his breath pushing off Steve’s arm and back into his face; Steve stayed as still as he could, the feel of his fingers passing through his hair. He still thought it was a panic attack and Bucky could only thread his fingers tightly through Steve’s free hand and clutch it tightly to his chest, some little part of him wondering if Steve could feel the pain there.

He was going to lose him all over again and there was nothing Bucky could do about it but cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the sads, some shits about to roll downhill the next couple of chapters so I'm apologizing now. lol..*wraps herself in bubble wrap and puts on a crash helmet*
> 
> Also I made the extra big mistake of listening to I Gave You All by Mumford & Sons while proof reading the part of Bucky helplessly knowing one day Steve would be gone and started crying against his arm and the line " _I never meant you any harm, but your tears feel warm as they fall on my forearms.._ " made me super sad mode so you know why not share the feeling.
> 
> As always, thanks for sticking around! :3 hearts and hugs <333


	15. He's my friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jealous boyfriends, unwelcome run ins, dates that aren't classified as dates. Steve finally comes to realize something relating to his artwork and Bucky accidentally adjusts boundaries between them causing Sam to question Steve's morals and frame of mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Chapter 15 pic/gif](http://kalika999.tumblr.com/post/145552363270/hunger-of-the-pine-chapter-15-jealous)
> 
> I want to add that this is part 1 of 2 of this chapter, I've written 45k for some reason and I still have to finish something in the second part so bear with me and give me a week or less for 16. :3
> 
> Warnings? The usual awkward bonezones and someone jerkin' it. :3

**Late October, 2015**  
  
  


Steve woke up in the early morning with his arms wrapped tight and possessively around a pillow and not around Bucky. He immediately sat up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes quickly to take a good look around, finding no one but himself there. Bucky’s goldfish making wide open mouth gestures at him in silence.

“Buck?”

The bedroom door was left slightly ajar, pulling himself up to go to the bathroom assuming Bucky had moved downstairs without him. He turned the knob only to find it locked, picking up a few seconds of Lucky’s dog collar jingling before silence came back to him.

He lightly knocked, “Bucky? You in there?"

Clint came out of his and Natasha’s bedroom, rubbing a hand thru his fluffed hair wearing only teddy bear pajama bottoms and completely nonchalant to Bucky locking himself in the bathroom.

"He's sleeping." 

Turning to look at him Steve realized the blond must had not had his hearing aids in, his voice off tone and a little higher than usual, blinking back at him with eyes still so tired.

"In the bathroom?"

"In the _bathtub_." The male corrected like it was so obvious. "He does that sometimes, when he's trying to isolate himself. Locks himself in because he says the anxiety is really tight in his chest and he doesn't want to be touched, give him a little time."

Steve sighed heavily, dropping his head to gaze at the light streaming out from the other side through the gap under the door, "Is he still going to see Dr. P- "

Clint tugged at his shirt, causing him to look up, giving him a smile while he pointed to his lips indicating he couldn't read them if Steve wasn't looking at him. Immediately he mouthed out a sorry, "Is he going to see his doctor today?"

Barton nodded with an understanding look, reaching a hand out to give his upper back a light pat, “He will, you like waffles?”

He didn’t wait, Steve watching him take off down the stairs whistling a tune casually albeit a little off key. Glancing back at the bathroom door he realized that it must not have been a rare occurrence that Bucky did this which only seemed much more heartbreaking. 

Natasha peeked her head out of the bedroom, holding a key out for him, “If you want to you can wait but usually we have to get him out so he has breakfast and I don’t worry about him before I go to work or run errands.”

Gratefully he took the key from her and nodded, shuffling back to the door to give it a little knock announcing his presence, “Buck? I’m coming in okay?”

He took the lack of answer as a good thing instead of worrying about it and unlocked the door, walking in Bucky was tiredly glancing up at him, Lucky laid out over him protectively, a blanket under the canine and a pair of pillows from somewhere cradling his friend’s head. He sat himself down on the toilet after setting the lid down, his knees hitting the side of the tub when he reached over to stroke Bucky’s hair softly watching him tilt his head into the gesture.

“Why the bathtub?”

He shook his head, shrugging slightly, “Feels closed in, protected. I don’t know how to explain..”

The blond only hushed him, “Are you hungry then? Clint mentioned waffles.”

Taking a long drag a moment to consider it, Bucky finally looked up at with a small nod, giving Lucky one gesture to get up, the dog immediately hopping out of the tub and taking off out the door. Steve rose up, stepping forward and put a hand out for him, Bucky’s hand pressing there as he pulled himself up, navigating through his tangle of blanket and Steve gently put his free arm around his waist.

“Take your time.” He murmured softly watching him free one leg and then the other.

Bucky smiled at him, “I guess I didn’t sleep as much as I thought I would have.”

“Are you alright?”

Nodding, Bucky gave him a crooked grin staying close to his side retrieving a toothbrush out of the medicine cabinet, a sealed one beside it, his head gesturing for Steve to take it. The blond did, tearing the back away to tug it out of the plastic cover, taking the tube of toothpaste after him.

Running the toothbrush under the water for a second he finally nodded at Steve, “Yeah, I am. Just takes a lot out of me sometimes and I’m thirsty.”

He chuckled, “Yeah Buck, you’re dehydrated. Come on, let’s brush and get some fluids in you.”

Bucky only made a small noise of agreement and began to brush his teeth, Steve not staving off the fact that his friend never bothered to move away and he didn’t mind it, leaning closer to him, pressing the side of his head against the brunette’s.

“Do you mind if I come with you? I know it’s a personal thing and everything but after what happened last night I would just feel better.”

A frown immediately crossed Bucky’s soft features, staring at him, a hand lightly squeezing his arm, “You don’t have to coddle me Steve, I’ve had this situation before. I won’t break down before I get there or after, I’m fine going by myself.”

The blond smiled, giving the hand on his arm a light pat before giving it a gentle squeeze, “The thing is, you don’t have to.”

Bucky’s features changed back and forth with a palette of emotions before quietly swallowing and giving him a nod, “Fine. Okay.”

  


Steve stood by the waiting room chairs allowing Bucky to head over to the receptionist’s desk while he waited. A cheery brunette peered up at him from her chair and gave him a wave. A minute later he came back and they both sat down, shoulders bumping together as Steve reclined, tucking his feet under the coffee table.

The office door opened and Dr. Potts stepped out, “Bucky, you ready?”

He glanced up and nodded, turning back towards his friend, “Are you sure you’re going to be okay waiting for me here?” Steve smiled and nodded, holding up his new satchel that they grabbed with his bike before heading out, “I got my sketchbook in my bag. Go, don’t worry about me.”

“Good to see you again Steve.”

Looking past Bucky, Steve gave her a tiny wave, “You too Dr. Potts.”

Bucky pulled himself up and flashed the blond a smile, “Well, see you in a hour or something.”

Steve rotated around reading some magazines left out on the table, to watching the overhead wall mounted television that was on some news channel before finally pulling his book out, mind blank at the moment on what to draw. He flipped through a few pages, studying his last half finished piece and continued working on that. Losing track of time, he barely realized his phone was ringing, answering it much to the relief of some other people sitting there and he flashed an apologetic smile, forgetting to look at who called, “Hello?"

“Finally you picked up! I was wondering if you lost your phone like last time."

"Tony I can't really talk right now, I'm a waiting room, I don't wanna be rude."

"Why are you in a waiting room, are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm perfectly fine." He bit his lip knowing Bucky most likely wouldn't want him sharing his specific visit with others, "Bucky just had to visit a doctor for a check up, I offered to take him."

"That's sweet." He replied bluntly.

Steve could only frown, getting himself up to move out of the waiting room and into the hallway, "Tony I really don't need this right now. He's my friend- "

"And I'm your _boyfriend_ , Steve!"

Bucky had stepped out just to see Steve on the phone exiting out into the hallway. He said goodbye to Dr. Potts and made his way out only to see his friend pacing in the corridor with one hand moving erratically, the other holding his phone to his ear with his back turned to him with his head down.

"Tony, Tony! Listen to me. How many times are we going to go around this? There's nothing going on. It's just Bucky and I offered to take him to the doctor's. There's no reason for you to act snarky about it."

Bucky frowned slightly.

"Oh you're not are you? You're just giving me some attitude because what? It's that kind of day for you? Listen, when you have more time for me than your robots and your fundamental very important discoveries call me okay?!"

Bucky watched him promptly end the call on his cell and shut it off bitterly, turning around abruptly just to freeze when he saw him there.

"I'm sorry." the brunette let out sheepishly, "I was done and saw you going outside figured I would let you know, I didn't know you were talking to Tony.."

Steve watched him guiltily lower his eyes, pinching nervously at his hoodie and all the aggression melted out of him, stepping over, "It's not about you, it's us. Him and I, we need to figure things out so there’s no more of this back and forth about slinging comments. I shouldn't have said what I said, he shouldn't be like that. It's our problem, not yours.” 

Bucky tilted his head slightly to the side past his friend, avoiding Steve’s eyes looking at the textured beige wallpaper, “You could always explain to him about my issues..”

“And you know I wouldn’t do that to you without your permission. I know you don’t feel comfortable telling people so no, that’s not happening.”

“But you _could_ Steve, he’s your boyfriend.”

Steve tilted his head to cut into Bucky’s line of sight and meet his eyes, “And you’re one of my best friends. If you don’t want him to know, I won’t tell him. It’s not something that hinders him in any way so there’s no reason to, he has no right. Like I said it’s our issue, not yours, I won’t involve you even if he’s got some silly jealousy thing because of you.”

Bucky stared at him for a long while wondering what it was about Steve exactly. He only stood and stared back patiently with a gentle smile that Bucky adored and all the brunette could do was do what he did best.

“Wanna go eat something?”

A small chuckle slipped out of Steve, dropping his head down before he looked back at him with his crooked grin and bright blue eyes, “Sure Buck, let’s go.”

Bucky had an little adorable French cafe bakery in mind when he led Steve down the busy streets of fifth avenue, avoiding the mobs of tourists and suits crowding the sidewalks, preferring to walk along the road way with Steve tugging him back on the walkway not trusting the absent minded drivers on the road. 

It wasn’t too far from the doctor’s office and they opted to keep the bike in the parkade and get back to it later, even with the occasional tugging of Bucky away from hazards, Steve enjoyed the sunshine beaming down with the crisp cool air around them.

Abruptly, Bucky stopped in front of small shop, mannequins wearing suits stood in front of the boutique windows and his hand flapped absently at his friend, “Come in here, we need to get you a new tux.” 

Steve let his sleeve get tugged into a small tiny suit shop; shirts and jackets lined about with accessories and bags. There was a gentle comforting smell of leather wafting in the air, his eyes wide as he attempted to not trip over his own feet, “Buck, I have my own tux, I don’t need another one.” 

Bucky slid his hand down Steve’s arm pausing just his wrist, “You can have another one, my treat.”

“Bucky..” 

“Stevie, you need a new tuxedo.”

“For?”

“For? Did you forget that Christmas charity gala ball thing you’ve been randomly rattling on about that you said Tony hosts every year."

“And I said I was going to get a nice store bought tuxedo in November.”

Bucky only snorted.

Steve only frowned at him in return, sighing out heavily hoping it would stop Bucky but he was ignoring him completely, eyes scanning around before moving to a mannequin in a sharp looking tuxedo Bucky was smiling at.

“That one.” 

“What? I’m pretty sure I saw that at that men’s store in the mall.”

“Get out of here Rogers!”

“That’s what I’m trying to do.”

He sulked, staring at Steve in righteous disbelief and it took Steve all the effort he could not to laugh at that look. Bucky stood pouting, lips curved just slightly with his brows drooping just so. It did nothing for Steve except to laugh and tease Bucky, only because it would make him pout harder and he adored it. 

It wasn’t until Bucky slipped his nimble fingers through his own and said _please_ in the most heartfelt way imaginable, his voice delicate and dipped in honey. He knew, there was no way Bucky wasn’t fully aware what it did to people, maybe he didn’t know what it did to Steve himself, but it was his weapon of choice to get his way which was always, generally speaking. 

Steve exhaled loudly making sure Bucky as well as the two tailors standing by heard it and knew exactly what his stance on this issue was. He threw his hands up and then dropped them to the sides helplessly, “Fine, fine. Let’s get this over with.”

Bucky beamed and clapped his hands together like it was Christmas day. That too, was another reason Steve gave in to Bucky, to see that face and he couldn’t help but smile at him while the brunette gestured for one of the tailors to start measuring.

They were moved in front of a mirror, Bucky looking quietly over his frame before he gestured for the man standing by to begin, “I want Vincenzo to do the work though, no one else.”

The tailor stopped, “But Sir- ”

Bucky shook his head, “I know he has a lot of work but tell him James Barnes stopped by for a tuxedo, he’ll do it. We need it for Christmas.”

The employee nodded and moved forward with taking measurements, Steve holding out his arms and straightening up when he was told to.

“How much is this suit going to cost anyway?” 

Steve raised his head slightly when fingers tilted his chin up a little. He could only remember his tuxedo cost about a grand give or take, Bucky dropping that much on him was ridiculous but his friend always figured out a way to get what he wanted if he set his mind to it.

Bucky glanced from the mirror to Steve’s face peering up at him from the leather couch, glancing away while he innocuously sipped at a cup of coffee on a saucer he was given by one of the ladies standing by.

Steve narrowed his eyes at his friend’s reflection in the mirror, “Bucky.”

Bucky worried his bottom lip, chewing it a little giving Steve a look of pure naive innocence that he always did when Steve brought out his no nonsense voice that always made Bucky confess things, “Uh, five something.”

The color rose along Steve’s face, “Five what?”

“Thousand.”

“What?!”

Steve whirled his whole body around to actually face him, to _look_ at him in bewilderment while the poor tailor took a step back from him, “Bucky! _Five thousand dollars_?!”

Bucky smiled soft and sweet, not at all phased by the new abrupt anger, eyes begging the blond to calm down though, “But Stevie, you’ll look so perfect.”

“Bucky, I don’t wanna look perfect for five thousand dollars!”

The male shrugged, sipping his coffee.

His jaw clenched, Steve turned back around, gruffly nodding at the tailor to get it over with.

“We’re not done talking about this.”

Bucky nodded at his reflection, trying to hide his smile of getting away with something else, casually sipping at his coffee again.

It didn’t take too long to get his measurements put down and all the details of the order, Steve scowling all the way through it, a look that could kill while Bucky only smiled contently and led his grumpy crush out the doors.

“Oh stop pouting, your other tuxedo is so trashy compared to this one. It’s a gift, don’t look so sour.”

“I will and I can.” He let out stubbornly, glancing at him while they walked down the sidewalk again, Bucky’s arm hooking around his.

“You didn’t put up much of a fight though.” Bucky teased back, trying hard to hold back a small chuckle and Steve tugged his arm away, pretending to be mad at him.

“That’s because I _know_ you. You would have gotten crafty and deceptive about it. You’re sweet but if you put your mind to something, it won’t change even if it means playing dirty.”

“I’m glad you finally noticed.”

Steve could only shake his head in response, nudging him with his elbow lightly.

They walked together, hands bumping into each others from time to time while Bucky lost himself at staring up at the tall buildings around them and pointing out small details of architectural design he liked. Steve followed along with him, nodding or offering an opinion, the topic shifting from the gargoyles on one banker’s building to the actual cartoon Gargoyles which lit Bucky’s eyes alight that Steve could connect with him on something he enjoyed like he always did when it happened. Their hands bumped one last time before Bucky’s thin fingers grabbed for Steve’s index and middle so very casually as he pointed out the place he wanted to go only a block or so away.

Distracted by the hustle and bustle of shoppers across the street, Steve didn’t catch Bucky’s hitch of breath, his body twisting to walk back the direction they came from.

“Shit, Steve turn around. Let’s go. _Move_.”

“Bucky what are you- ”

“James, what a surprise!”

Steve saw Bucky’s face screw up in a pained wince before plastering a fake smile across his features, turning around on his heel and his loose grip on Steve’s arm to reroute him tightened like a vice, “Judge Pierce. What a surprise, I didn’t see you there!”

“Mistakes happen, I’m sure. Good to see you and with Mr. Rogers I see, who still hasn’t called me.”

Steve knew this rodeo ride already, carefully loosening Bucky’s desperate hold to slide his hand down his sweater sleeve and coil their fingers together giving it a squeeze.

“Judge Pierce, good to see you again sir. I grossly apologize, I left my tuxedo jacket somewhere that night and when I came back to it, your card must have fallen out regretfully, then I had gotten busy. I do apologize for any harm it may have caused.”

“Oh not at all young man,” He pulled out another card from his inside pocket and held it out, tilting it up and away from Steve before he could take it, “Do make sure you don’t lose this one, I can’t be giving these out all the time.”

He nodded back at him with a forced smile of his own, tugging out his wallet to show the man he was tucking it away safely before the business card was in his hand.

“It’s funny though, James. How you introduced Steven over here last time, as your boyfriend. I could have sworn he was with Tony Stark.”

A lofty laugh escaped Bucky, rolling his eyes slightly not at the statement but more at his past comment, “Oh he is, I just call him my boyfriend, like a boy friend, he was my escort for the evening. He’s one of my best friends, sometimes my English..”

He gestured with his hand, feigning a lack of intelligence for the correct wording and Judge Pierce only nodded understandingly, cold steel blue eyes staring at him with a stoic expression. 

“I understand, sometimes I get so many that can’t speak English in front of my court. You would think they would have at least learned the language before they broke the law.”

Bucky tried to hold back a frown, “Perhaps they were born here and raised to keep their native language alive at home Sir, sometimes it happens that way.”

Judge Pierce only waved him off, “A paltry tradition if you can’t speak the main language spoken in New York, why even bother living here then? Am I correct Mr. Rogers?”

Steve faltered and Bucky gave his hand a gentle squeeze encouraging him to give the _correct_ answer which only left a bitter angry taste in his mouth, reserving himself to only solemnly nod towards the man staring hard at him.

“Yes Sir.”

“Well, we should get going Sir, even though it’s a pleasure to see you today we did have prior appointments to get to. We don’t want to be late.”

The man nodded agreeably, “Of course, tell your father I said hello, would you?”

Bucky nodded, giving him a nod, “Enjoy the rest of your day Judge Pierce.”

“Thank you again for the business card, I’ll be sure to keep it safe Sir.”

Pierce nodded to Bucky, “James. And Steven, I do hope you call me soon.”

Steve nodded politely, “I will.”

They both began walking past him, Bucky tucking himself completely against Steve’s side as if he was avoiding any way of being seen, his hand slipping away to wrap both of his arms around Steve’s arm and they had taken a few paces away before the footsteps of smartly shined shoes paused along the pavement and made a small scratch of a noise against the concrete, “Oh, and James?”

Bucky drew in a sharp breath, turning his head around, blinking a few times, “Yes Sir?”

Steve could feel him shaking against his arm, it was barely noticeable, a light rumble through his entire body like a nervous shivering puppy, his eyes slightly damp and Steve wanted to turn around and stop this man. Stop whatever he was doing to Bucky, whatever hold he had or whatever card he was trying to play from his hand, he wanted it to stop but he couldn’t. Bucky wouldn’t allow it and Steve could only wait and feel his stress rising through his body.

Judge Pierce smiled, if Steve could call it that, it looked more like a disguised sneer without the contempt laced into it, “I want to reiterate again. I know I always happen to say this when we see each other, well almost always, but if you do happen to see Alexander or hear from him, please let him know I’m still waiting for him to call.”

Bucky opened his mouth to speak, his lips red from biting back anything he may have wanted to say before that would have gotten him in trouble. Now that his mouth was open, nothing came out but a few gasps of breath like he needed to breathe again. He blinked and abruptly closed it, giving a quick nod before he managed to say he would.

That was enough for Steve, turning Bucky around with a polite nod towards the man one last time before he was steering his friend away and down the sidewalk again. 

Bucky could hear his heart beating in his ears while he went into auto pilot and followed Steve as he was dragged away, one strong arm draped around his waist, pressed at his hip almost possessively and he let himself rest against his friend the heat off his body so warm, his face flushed.

Steve finally stopped his race to practically carry Bucky away when they turned the corner, “I don’t care how important of a person he is, that man is a smarmy piece of shit.”

Bucky hated Steve so worked up, pacing and clearly frustrated when he stepped back, feeding off the energy from apparently whatever he was giving off and Bucky stopped him the best way he could; moving forward to hug his neck tightly, burying his face into his hair without a word. 

It did the trick, Steve’s mind immediately thrown off and his agitated state dissolved into immediate affection, hugging Bucky tight to him, “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to get worked up. I know you said to not worry about it, but- ”

Bucky only hushed his words with a tighter hug and a fussy noise he usually made when he wanted Steve to shut his mouth. This time he didn’t continue talking or prodding him, nodding instead with a gentle release of his breath, rubbing Bucky’s back lightly though he made a mental note at the back of his mind to look up the Pierce’s just for curiosity’s sake and maybe because he was a little worried even with Bucky telling him not to be.

They only had to pass a few shops to get to the place Bucky wanted to go eat at, Steve staying perfectly quiet with an arm tucked under Bucky’s as they walked in. Bucky gestured for him to have a seat while he want to place an order even though Steve simply smiled and waited for him. 

The girl that stood behind the till only brightened her smile when she recognized him, breaking out in a chatter of French while he smiled at her and rested his folded hands on the marble counter. Steve picked up a few words here and there, the conversation going too fast for him to completely understand and then Bucky was pointing at the menu board rattling off an order.

They sat together across from each other, knees lightly bumping into one another and Steve looked up apologetically while Bucky only smiled at him. The small cafe bakery was sleek with clean lines, white marble counter tops with splashes of black imperfections, long black painted lights holding white round bulbs sat up above them to illuminate the room even with large wide bay windows stealing in the daylight, the white marble with the black followed them to the tables as well, gold trim all the way around, white folded linen napkins showing off the silverware they bestowed. It was simple and straight forward, Steve enjoyed it. 

Bucky tugged his hoodie off, Steve following suit with his peacoat, a girl came over with some waters and a small black cast iron tea pot with a cup and saucer as well as a cup of coffee for Steve. 

“Merci.” 

She smiled at Bucky, setting a tiny carafe of milk down on the center of the table, “Avec plaisir Monsieur Barnes, Monsieur Rogers.”

Bucky smiled wider as she walked away, Steve staring at him with a mischievous grin of his own. “Someone didn’t tell me he also frequented this place.”

Steve chuckled softly, “I do, for about a year or almost a year usually on Sundays. An Americano and a Croissant au Amandes here or at the park across the street with my sketchbook. Obviously the past few weeks have been sketchy on me coming by but I always come back.”

Bucky nodded in amusement, pulling his empty cup and saucer close to himself, lifting up the black teapot and for a moment Steve couldn't help but feel like he was taken to somewhere more private. Something in the way Bucky’s demeanor subtly changed with just the tea, like he suddenly stopped wearing a barrier of sorts. Perhaps it was him but it felt like something. Steve watched his slow meticulous mannerisms over the beverage, the way he poured it out for himself, long slender fingers doing things with ease and an air of pride about him. The details were small, hardly noticeable and taken for granted but even on his face they showed, that serenity and happiness that didn't come with what he might have been taught out here, this was something ingrained in him. This was special to Bucky, simplicity at its best form just pouring out tea and mixing in a small spoon of sugar and a splash of milk, it meant things to him so unguarded and in return it meant so much to Steve to bear witness to his tiny pleasures in life.

Bucky only looked up after he took his first sip, cool blues out today, staring over the steaming cup like he was caught with something and still trying to hide it.

With a soft tilt of his head Steve smiled at him, the importance clicking together, “Imogen.”

Bucky confirmed with a simple nod, “I used to have these kind of tea parties with her and Nat, when we were younger. Clint too but he was only there for the cakes and sweets. Did you know Russians had a tea time? I would have had no idea, I always thought tea would be too simple for them, but then I would probably be called an asshole too. But Natalia, she missed tea time. She was a ballerina in Russia, not like as a job but she was training for it like one. I guess one of the house mothers or whatever they are over there at her orphanage used to be one and would teach the girls every day before she was whisked away to the United States and adopted by the Rushman’s. They let her continue it though, she would come to my place sometimes after and sit with me while I practiced with a music teacher, it worked in our timetables.”

He smiled fondly, looking out the window, “Clint hid there most of the time, the house he was put it was pure shit so he stayed with me my parents barely noticed he was there. He was good at hiding when he knew they were coming, the first few times I actually thought he ran away until he moved from behind the heavy curtains or behind a bookshelf or under a table. Then Nat would come in when I still had twenty minutes or so left and it was the highlight of Clint’s day seeing Natasha come in dressed in pink or black tights and leotards. He was so stupid around her. Anyway I’m rambling. Imogen started making tea for us in the drawing room with a tower tray full of cakes, cookies and biscuits, stuff like that. It was always different but always after my class was over she would call us in and we would sit and eat and have tea. It was fun, and I think she knew how much I hated practicing. She would tell us random historical facts about tea, Clint would stuff his face til he was ready to burst. I was really happy during tea time, it was good.”

Steve smiled at him, “What did you practice?”

He only shrugged and shook his head, “I don’t play anymore.”

“But what _did_ you play?”

Bucky raised his hands after setting his cup down, wiggling his fingers a little, “The piano. It was either that or the violin and as attracted as I was to it, I didn’t have the knack to endure learning it. I was a natural on the piano but I never enjoyed it.”

Steve wanted to say something more but a different waitress came over with two different dishes, the longer rectangular one placed before Bucky, the smaller one before Steve, giving them a small polite nod before scurrying off again. Steve sat forward looking at his onion soup, glancing up at Bucky, “I had completely looked over the fact that you ordered for me.”

Bucky looked down at his own plate, a smirk crossing his features but almost entirely focused on his food uncovering the lid of a small jarred bottle of pate, “I know right? Boyfriend material.”

A chuckled escaped Steve across the table looking down with a soup spoon in hand before the words sank in and he glanced up again in surprise though Bucky didn’t, fixated on cutting his slices of toast slivers into shorter pieces as if he never even uttered what he had said.

“What did you get?”

Bucky glanced up after biting off a corner of his toast square, duck pate spread across the slice, swallowing his bite before holding it out in front of Steve’s mouth, “Rillettes de Canard, mon petit Lapin."

It was almost instant, a quick spark coursing through Steve's entire body like someone lit him up, doused him in gasoline and lit him on fire. He was really hating the fact that he was quite sure Bucky gave him a language kink on top of the fact that he just gave him another pet name. He could only swallow thickly and open his mouth just so, letting Bucky feed him the piece of toast watching him draw back and hold out his little bowl of cornichons. Steve took one, looking at it for a second before giving the tart gherkin a try only to find it was more vinegary than he was used to but he swallowed it down the same. Back to his soup, he ate a few bites, the flavors floating deep and rich along his tongue and around his mouth, breathing it in and savoring with a distant wisp of desire to travel.

He sat back, glancing at Bucky, “Try some.”

Bucky stared at him, his eye color shifting back to grey, so soft and almost a silver against the natural light streaming in, his elbow propped up on the table top with his chin pressed against his hand laughing lightly as he chewed on some more of his food, “I know what it tastes like Steve. I had it while I was in France.”

“It tastes like how I imagine it should, I’ve never been."

“If you want me to take you, all you have to do is ask."

He could only smirk at him, mildly tempted, Bucky so at ease and relaxed, they were both so relaxed. Steve felt like he was alone with him here, another world just him and Bucky. He wasn’t sure why or how it went this way most likely just the company before him, the way Bucky stared at him, _gazed_ at him so intently, he could see the dark specks of blue splashed in a sea of pale grey. 

He took a spoonful of his soup with a little bit of Gruyere, his hand cupping underneath as he stretched his arm out and with an amused look Bucky opened his mouth just enough, his lips sliding slow and deliberate off the spoon without a bat of an eye like he was challenging him and Steve held his breath to remember that moment forever.

He watched Bucky’s eyes slowly close, the subtle inhale of air as he savored before returning back to him with a smile and a nod, “You can carry on safely assuming, it’s pretty much the same.”

Reclining back in his seat, Bucky smiled, finishing off the last bit of toast while Steve had spooned the last bit of his soup and drank down the last of his coffee.

The waitress quickly came over and cleaned up their dishes, pouring Steve another cup with a genial smile, “Il est dix minutes pour votre nourriture Monsieur Rogers, Monsieur Barnes.”

They both nodded, Bucky pouring himself some more tea, stretching out a little more lazily as he stared unguardedly at what was happening outside, past Steve’s shoulder.

The way the light caught Bucky right then, it was in love with him; his skin radiating a soft glow, his eyes so pale and calm, illuminating them like they were made of pure glass. He tugged his book out while they waited for their second course, a pack of colored pencils pushed to the side and Bucky was suddenly curious, watching him. Steve glanced up only meeting his eyes for a second, “Stay like that.” 

He opened a fresh page and quickly sketched out basic details, a worn erasure in between his ring and pinkie finger as he worked with his pencil. His eyes turned up a few seconds at a time before going back to the page, Bucky taking a sip of his tea before looking past Steve again, sitting as still as he could while he was in his recline, watching the hustle and bustle of movement, tourists and business workers alike all mixed in the chaos of life as they sat in relative simplicity that Bucky would never get tired of.

He stole a moment to look at Steve, watch his fixed expression while he worked, his hand moving in short swift accents to get as much in as he could in the time constraint though Bucky would sit for him as long as he wanted, forgetting the food if that’s what Steve would have asked for. The light behind his friend shadowed his face but he looked calm, peaceful. Rays of sunlight dusting a halo around his head while he was ducked down and his lips were pressed together in deep concentration their eyes meeting for a flit of a second before they were gone again. It still managed to grab the last breath of air Bucky held, letting the perfect cerulean of his eyes burn into his mind and stay there while he drew away, colored pencils rotating from grey, to blue, to a brown and a black, then a pink and a soft peach. It was different to see Steve with colored pencils, usually working with paints, pencils or charcoals but it wasn’t new, just something not usual. He could only smile, taking another sip of tea, politely sitting without a word, feeling a soft warmth sit on his cheeks before he could help himself.

“And finished.”

Bucky snapped his eyes at him, stretching his legs out between Steve’s feet, crossing them at the ankle, “Already?”

Smugly pleased with himself, he only nodded and tucked his supplies away while Bucky made grabby hands for his sketchbook but Steve only smirked and tucked it back into his leather satchel. 

“That’s rude considering it’s my face you were drawing.”

“Shh, can’t be looking when our food’s about to arrive.”

So very close to throwing the sugar bowl at him, Bucky only pouted and looked away, studying the other customers around them. 

“Buck.”

“Don’t talk to me.”

Steve smiled at him, “Bucky.”

He only raised his chin up a little higher in defiance and Steve couldn’t help but smile wider, squeezing Bucky’s ankles gently with his own, “ _James_.”

Bucky’s breath caught in his throat and it shouldn’t have, the way Steve said his birth name went straight down between his legs and the hand resting on his lap turned slightly to dig his fingers into the meat of his thigh to calm himself down.

He turned heatedly toward his friend, “Don’t call me James..it’s _weird_.”

Steve propped his elbow on the table with a raise of his brow, a smirk on his face, “Weird? How so?”

There was color across his face already and Bucky wasn’t sure if the man before him knew and was being a dick or not. “Just weird.”

Bucky knew then by the change of look on Steve’s face he had no idea why and wanted to ask about it but the waitress was coming and he tilted his head for Steve to look as a distraction and he took the bait, his puzzled face disappearing and a delighted expression replaced it. Bucky gave himself the liberty to relax and exhale a breath, clearing aside some space for their plates.

“Voici. Saumon avec Puree de Celeri et Poulet Duroc. Bon appetit!” 

“Thank you.” Steve let out, looking down at the salmon before him, “This one is mine right because if it isn’t I want to keep it.”

Bucky smirked, “Yes, that one’s yours. I prefer raw salmon and I’m actually being nice, I knew you wanted to eat lighter.”

His eyes narrowed at the brunette, “You’re such a charmer but I know you’re just lying.”

Caught off guard, Bucky raised his head, brows raised up in surprise, “What?”

Pointing to the bakery display, there were rows and rows of petits fours, financiers, eclairs and many more pastries out for sale, “Seriously Buck? Bringing me here to eat a nice light French lunch, right? How much you wanna bet if I wasn’t here you’d be buying half the place out and curling up in bed eating desserts and watching movies.”

Bucky looked down at his meal pretending to look stung by his words, straightening his shoulders and picking up his linen napkin, draping it across his lap with an air of pride to it. He picked up his knife and fork, cutting into his chicken.

“You’re completely wrong Steve.”

The male picked up his own cutlery, an amused expression on his face while Bucky refused to meet his eyes, “Oh am I?”

Bucky nodded, chewing on his food looking at everything but his friend, “I would not be laying in bed with desserts watching movies, I’d be sitting completely naked in a bubble bath eating those desserts all day thank you very much.” 

The blond tried to hide away his smile, “Oh, well excuse me then.”

Lips twitching, Bucky couldn’t help but glance up to meet Steve’s eyes and smile at him, his face warming as he tried busying himself with some vegetables on his plate, “You’re excused, this time.”

Steve couldn’t help bite his lip when Bucky finally locked eyes with him and gazed back, he always had this way about him to look so innocent and irritatingly seductive all at once. He drew in a little breath and squeezed the pair of ankles that were fit snugly between his, shaking his head so he could keep his mouth shut and go back to his lunch.

  


Bucky fell onto the couch boneless and comfortable, a soft happy sigh escaping him as he settled in with an arm dangling off the arm and his eyes closed. The stress from the morning seemed to be sinking in now that he could turn himself off, Steve tucking away the box of pastries against the coffee maker, joining him on the couch staring at him curiously.

“You look like you could nap.”

A small agreeable noise escaped him, nodding as he sunk himself deeper into the couch, “Very.”

Reaching over, Steve lightly rubbed his shoulder and it felt so nice, leaning a little into it warily telling himself not to lean _too_ much into it. He swallowed down a moan and the urge to stretch out against Steve’s fingertips.

“Such a cat.” Steve uttered softly.

“Quit petting and massaging me then.” Was all Bucky could grumble out, a little yawn escaping him.

“Hell no, you’re better than a pet.”

“Just don’t put a collar on me. I’ll kill you.”

Steve chuckled lightly, “You know, I kinda thought that since I met you in school.”

Opening one eye to peer at him, Bucky looked perplexed, "To put a collar on me?"

"No! Buck, oh my God.." He facepalmed himself and Bucky missed his hand already, "No, that you might want to kill me."

Bucky opened his eyes completely to look at him, body partially leaning against his friend, “Really?”

“Yeah, you looked at me like you were going to hit me but then you just sat and then..said nothing. Went on with your business.”

“What do you expect? It’s high school, if you didn’t look broody or mad at times there was something wrong with you.”

They laughed together and Steve sighed out, staring out the window with a wistful grin, “I still remember meeting you like it was yesterday. You were so quiet, you seemed so _intense_. I was so sure you didn’t wanna talk to me at all but then you asked me to help you learn how to paint and I was so..I don’t know honored I guess. I was so glad my first thoughts of you weren’t something negative, I mean you looked broody but I didn't think bad I just wondered what I did. Then you told me you were the one that did the sculpture of Icarus I’d been looking at all through the school year, I was so impressed by it I was so sure I was your number one fan which sounds creepy coming out of my mouth.”

Bucky huffed softly through his nose, smiling but it was shy and guarded.

Steve leaned back against the couch staring up in thought as he went over his past memories, “I knew right then, you were an amazing person and that my first thoughts of you were all true. You are intense but it's when something means a lot to you and you have a passion for your work.”

Bucky felt his heart leap into his throat, pulse picking up in a steady staccato and he tried to calm himself down, palms smoothing over the worn lines of his jeans, “Heh, all that from me just walking in?”

“All that from just your displayed piece in the school hall, I was always transfixed to it. I loved it, still love it.”

He made a small noise like he was listening and nodded to Steve, Bucky’s head tilting away with warm cheeks he couldn’t absolutely control anymore. He felt Steve looking at him, perhaps wanting a reply but Bucky’s mind was completely blank. He felt so surprised at how vulnerable he let himself be in his work no one really described him in that way and he felt a bit exposed.

Bucky finally looked up to meet Steve’s gentle blues, a smile on his lips and he could only smile back, hiding behind a mask of nervousness.

“What was your first thoughts of me?”

He balked for a moment, “What? You?” Bucky stalled, thoughts racing in his head of when he meant. 

He was sure he was talking about the first time he assumed he paid attention like the first day of art class and not the _actual_ first time.

_I wanted to bang you like a fucking screen door Steve. I wanted you so badly, you and your stupid letterman jacket. I wanted you to keep it on for me and nothing else while I was making you beg me to fuck you. I wanted you to blow me in the back seat of my car in that jacket after you finished your game and you still smelled like dirt and sweat, right there in the parking lot risking everything to get caught.._

He sighed to himself, shifting on the couch to pull the blanket over his lap and pull his knees up to avert the awkwardness he felt between his legs.

“It’s fucking cold.”

He remembered that day all too clearly..

It was lunch, everyone was out of classes the halls were full and everyone was upbeat and social. Natasha at his arm, red perfectly manicured fingers just resting tucked in at the crook of his elbow talking about how the decline of the Roman empire was because of the introduction into Christianity and that she thought that perhaps that was too narrow of a suggestion. He was listening, purely at an academic level but his eyes were wandering and they hadn’t stopped until she was done talking about history and started on about her ballet lessons and how her teacher was a real dick fucker.

He smirked at her, watching green eyes shine as she spoke about what she thought she excelled at in class and what she needed to work on. He loved that about her, so sure of her faults and issues that she could easily teach herself everything if she so wanted. 

They both stopped before the ticket selling table in front of the theater, Natasha looking over the seating chart for the production of Dracula before shelling out some bills for tickets. The wooden table next to them was selling tickets for a school dance called Spring Fling, a small crowd already gathered around for that.

A girl with long brown hair and wide brown eyes stepped towards them with a shy wave mainly directed at Bucky and they both waved back, Bucky watching her glance back to look at him before turning ahead and jogging off.

“She totally hopes you ask her.”

“Ask her what?” Bucky crinkled his face in genuine confusion, his brows raised up trying to think what he was missing and Natasha could only look at him with her arm still tucked against his as they headed off again.

“The dance my little Kotyonok.”

Bucky made a slight face, not exactly because of the girl in question, more so because he didn’t have any plans to go to the dance.

“I thought you said every girl that likes me thinks you’re my girlfriend, didn’t you say that yesterday?”

She nodded to him, “I did. They sigh with relief when they find out I’m with Clint.”

Bucky snorted out a laugh, gaining a pinch to his arm.

“Clint already got us tickets, including you so who do you want to take?”

The same disturbed look crossed his features, expressing a short shrug, “Can’t I just stay at home in my underwear and play video games? Sounds like a better plan and why’s Clint going, I know he’d want to play video games too.”

Natasha frowned, “Because I asked him to come with me that’s why. Now, who do you want me to see if they’re free or not? Katheryn? Maybe Jennifer, you liked her..”

“Nope to Kat. I was into Jen for five minutes until she was telling me she’s a vegetarian.”

“She is? I thought she was eating fish yesterday.”

Bucky shrugged, “I don’t know that’s what she told me when I was trying to eat my double cheeseburger in peace the last time I was sitting with her. Glares at me like I killed her parents and tells me I’m fucking wrong to eat a burger, she was lucky I wasn’t going to punch her. Don’t come in between me and my cheeseburgers.”

A small laugh escaped from Natasha, staring up at the ceiling while they strolled down the long main hallway, “Alright then. How about Britney or Amanda?”

Bucky shook his head, “No, no rich bitches.”

Rattling off some other names, Bucky let Natasha carry on while he looked around listening to her but not entirely reacting til he laid eyes on Steve that first day. He really didn’t want to be cliche about it but everyone else literally went into slow motion for him. Already in a school letterman jacket with the C stitched clear onto it, he must have missed his actual arrival into his life because he would never have forgotten a face like his. Muscular and broad with a slim waist and perfect legs, Bucky’s mouth watered. Natasha’s voice had left him, everything had left him as he watched Steve smile at another player in the same jacket and Bucky swore he heard angels sing.

Natasha stopped talking when she realized Bucky wasn’t even listening anymore, turning to see Steve heading and disappearing down a hallway.

“..Or maybe I should be looking for which _guy_ you want to take to the dance.”

“Who the fuck was that?” His throat was so dry it came out in a strangled whine.

“Steve Rogers. Captain of the football team, not so late of a transplant but still needs to catch up on stuff. He’s in my Biology class.” Clint piped in, at some point arriving while Bucky was having his moment.

“Holy shit. I think I just had a heart attack.”

“His eyes are dilated.” Clint let out casually eating from a bag of gummy worms. 

“Because his mouth hanging open like a drooling dog wasn’t clear enough.” Natasha retorted.

Bucky whipped his hand into Clint’s chest repeatedly hitting him, his eyes still trying to look down the hall Steve had turned, “Please fucking tell me he’s not wearing some fake jacket and he’s actually on Brock’s team. Please for the love of god Clint, his ass holy shit. Thank the heavens.”

“Jesus Bucky calm your hormones, you sound like you’re going to cum in your pants just looking at him.”

“I just might. Holy fuck.”

Clint wailed, covering his ears as he dropped his head on Natasha’s shoulder; she could only pet his hair.

Brock came out from the hallway, spying them immediately, “Hey.”

Drawing in a deep breath, trying his best not to sound over eager, Bucky raked a hand through his hair, “Brock so hey, who the hell is your Captain because some girl said you got a new one.”

He nervously bit his lower lip while Rumlow thought for a second, “Guy’s name is Steve Rogers or something. Came in like a day or some shit ago. Ain’t said much, but yeah he’s the new Captain. Coach Coulson’s got a hard on for him, says we’re lucky he changed schools because he’s a really good athlete blah blah blah.”

Bucky watched him shrug like it was an afterthought and tilted his head towards the cafeteria, Clint already going that way. He could already tell Steve was going to be bad news for him..

Bucky leaned into the couch, realizing how true it was, Steve staring at him with a patience he loved. He had spent way too many nights and days thinking about Steve, they went to the same parties, Bucky went to as many games and practices as he could mainly for Brock even though that also meant to see Steve but he never met him and he was good just watching him afar. Besides the fact he was sure him and Sharon Carter were banging so that kind of threw him for a loop. 

“I..um, I thought you were nice. Had no idea how you were in person since I usually saw you on the field.” 

A bold faced lie, he knew but so much easier.

“Then you started painting and you were pretty calm and forgiving when you helped that other person so I ran with it and asked for help.”

Another lie, he knew Steve could paint a long while before the class they had. It was another reason he was so head over heels for him, but the moment he realized they were in the same class Bucky made it his mission to introduce himself somehow and since it was their last year it was his last chance to.

Steve looked at him in awe, “You were intimidated to talk to me?”

“Yeah definitely.”

He was, that was completely true.

Steve’s face screwed up in some childlike confusion, “But why?”

Bucky shrugged, “You were the Captain of the football team, practically the school. I was pretty much a nobody, I liked being a nobody.”

Partially untrue, a lot of people knew him, Bucky just preferred not to know a lot of people. Charm got him everything, but he had no interest in having a large span of friends. 

Before Steve could counter the nobody comment, the buzzer went off and he sprang up off the couch, pressing the button for the front entrance intercom, “Yes, hello?”

“Delivery for..a Steve Rogers from oh geez the writing, Tony Stank..I think, no, shoot! I mean Tony Stark, yeah _Stark_ sorry.”

Bucky burst out laughing behind him and Steve refused to look back in fear he was going to bust up too, fingers pressing to his lips firmly when he could hear Bucky slapping the couch as he laughed louder. He pushed the button and buzzed the delivery guy in, “Sure. Come up.”

His whole hand went over his mouth, body fighting back the urge join in Bucky’s massive amusement over the slip.

“Tony Stank! Oh my god, don’t forget that one Steve!”

“Bucky stop.” He mumbled out through a stifled urge not to crack up.

Soon enough Bucky watched Steve smile, standing in the doorway half out in the hall, the sound of footsteps approaching him and the crinkle of cellophane.

“Flowers!” Bucky let out before he saw anything, laying out on the couch returning his attention back to the television.

The crinkling continued after the door was closed, Steve walking over with a frown across his face and a bouquet of red roses in his arms, “You’re a Jerk.”

Smiling smugly, Bucky tucked his hands behind his head, “You know it. Come back when Tony Stank has a better way to say sorry.”

Steve snorted from the kitchen, filling one of his empty vases sitting above his cabinets with water to place the roses in it, “Okay if you think it’s so easy to say sorry to me, what would you do smart guy?”

Bucky raised his brows, sitting up with an arm against the back of the couch, “Me?”

“Yeah, you. What would you do?”

Making a face as he stared up at the ceiling thinking for a moment, Bucky shrugged, “At the top of my head? I’d tell you I was sorry.”

Steve made a small disparaging noise, rolling his eyes.

Bucky pointed a finger at him, scrambling up to his feet and walking into the kitchen like he was on a mission, “I wasn’t finished. I’d say sorry and mean it. I’d hold you close, squeeze your hands, stroke your cheek, nuzzle your face. I’d touch you Steve, because you love being touched. I’d stare into your eyes and let you feel how sorry I am for saying things that upset you. I’d suck up by making a meal you liked and if you let me, I’d kiss you until you got sick of me. When you were okay with it, I’d make love to you all night and make sure you knew you were the only thing that mattered to me."

Of course Bucky never gave it a thought on what he would do if he was in Tony’s shoes and upset Steve then wanted to apologize. No, of course he didn’t.

Steve was frozen, staring at Bucky.

_Jesus Bucky._

He couldn’t breathe and he was sure his eyes were dilated because..

Bucky broke out in a smirk and went past him to fix the roses, “Good thing we aren’t dating huh? I’d hate to fuck up that bad. These are some nice roses either way.”

Steve needed a cold beer and that’s what he went to, retrieving one from the fridge and drinking down most of it after twisting off the top. Focusing on what was in the fridge to make it look like he was interested in looking for something he kept, his evident discomfort away from prying eyes begging the cold to calm him down. He was overheated and internally cursing his best friend only to have his mind cheerfully point out he was the one who started it.

Thankfully Bucky moved to the back of the couch and watched the television for a few minutes before he started walking down the hallway, “I need to take a hot shower, I’ll be back.”

Steve managed to mutter out something remotely human, taking a slow breath before he turned and stared directly at the vase of roses. He ran his fingers along the thornless stems, a thumb lightly grazing the soft delicate petals with a little smile, he was insanely in love with all types of flowers, but there was something so romantic about roses. It may have been the memories he had with them, all good and full of nostalgia, he just couldn’t exactly pinpoint one perfect reason why he did. He just did.

The door to the bathroom closing shut jarred him out of his daydreams and he had an odd urge to paint them, maybe something with them sitting at the window and the buildings outside with the soft overcast that came from nowhere, _something_. He just wanted to work with the precious few hours he had before he had to go to Nick’s for his shift. 

It was just that he loved to paint. It was what got his skin tingly and his brain alight. The hours he wanted to put in, the days he wanted, he couldn’t supply for himself. One day he might but it wasn't today though there were moments he just couldn't stop and the day blended into night. It was an addiction that coursed through him fervently, the passion and drive, it always called to him and it hurt when he could barely answer it.

He stood staring at the canvas after setting himself up quickly, his eyes narrowed as his lips quirked into a set line curled with a concerned frown. He felt off today, painting the skyline of New York after opting out with his roses. Something neutral people could see, he stayed with a dusk setting with deeper colors and a splash of the sun leaving everyone for the night. 

Still, something was wrong and he couldn't quite understand what it was. He slouched his shoulders, tanned skin bare from the waist up, grey sweats hanging off his hips. He was almost glaring, flecks and spots of paint dotting along his body, a smear of dark blue mixing with his short beard as he rubbed his chin in thought.

“Something’s missing.”

Steve turned to look at Bucky leaning against the corner of the wall with his arms folded in a t-shirt and dark blue jeans. No hint of sarcasm or humor, he was studying from afar as much as Steve himself was trying his best to figure it out. 

“How long have you been standing there?”

“A couple minutes, you were and still are standing shirtless in the middle of the living room and painting like a man possessed when I came out of the shower. I left you to it and went to read.”

“Oh.” Was all that came out of his mouth, there wasn’t much else he could really say except that now he was in a predicament over what the hell was missing. 

He turned back to look at the painting and then back at Bucky when his friend came over to stand beside him. His hands itched again but this time he wanted Bucky; he wanted to paint him, draw him, sketch him, his index finger at the side of him innocently drew out to poke him on his thigh, “I wanna draw you in charcoal again.”

Bucky peered over at him curiously, licking his lips with a teasing smirk, “Twice in one day, you’re hungry Rogers.”

A wild smirk spread across the blond’s lips, “I am.”

Laughter burst out of Bucky, shaking his head overcome with feeling flustered when the man beside him actually challenged back not to mention that knot inside of him tightened. 

He gave him a nod, “Sure, If you have the time I’m game.”

Steve removed one painting and wandered to the back of the room retrieving a few thick sheets to paperclip against the easel board, fixated on moving one of the kitchen chairs over to roll out his charcoal pouch and lay it out flat on top of moving everything around.

"Do you want me like last time?"

Steve's mind was buzzing, his theory was seemingly correct as that frenzy and need to work began coming tenfold through him, inside of him. He was both glad to figure it out and completely horrified it was turning out this way.

"Yeah, exactly." 

Steve turned to the back of the room to the alcove beside the kitchen, lost in a search for his chamois and another cloth. What he hadn't told Bucky when he worked was how alive he felt. He was sure he hid it rather well, the excitement and shameless pleasure he got from allowing himself to answer what his needs begged for, it was a thrill that he thought Bucky may not understand. It was possibly silly considering how he saw his best friend lose himself in his own work but he bit his tongue anyway.

Satisfied, he turned and stopped midstride almost dropping his things, Bucky watched him with a curious look and a smile on his face sitting on the armchair by the window in nothing but his jeans and a hand scratching through his hair. Steve wasn't exactly prepared for that, his mind backtracking the conversation as he sifted through where he asked him to remove his shirt and blinked realizing Bucky's question.

"Are you okay? You look like you swallowed a bee."

That was one way to put it, Steve could only smile and nodded, "I'm fine. Are you cold? You could put your shirt back on if you are."

Bucky lounged in the armchair with a shake of his head, shifting to sit side saddle on it, draping his legs over the arm like he had nothing better to do. Steve had been attempting to make Bucky less uncomfortable for making him take off his shirt, give him an out and Bucky looked almost annoyed at the question.

“Do you want me to?"

Steve could only shrug, not trusting the desperation in his voice fighting to say no.

"I'd be naked if you want."

"No!" He barked out before thinking, causing them both to freeze and Steve eventually dropped himself down on his stool, "I mean no, it's fine like this. Just give me a couple of minutes, let me put everything into place."

"Sure.." He muttered out, getting up to pace along the floor, slapping his hands together when they swung out in front of him. He took a few steps, then pressed himself against the corner of the window frame looking in his direction, the soft glow of sunlight hugging his skin.

"Are you nervous?" Steve only asked because he was sure as hell nervous, throwing his shirt back on but he left it unbuttoned, just needing something around his body.

Bucky only shook his head with a smile, rubbing a hand over his toned stomach turning around in a lazy circle then moving to look out the window and up into the sky, “Maybe, I don’t know. I’ve been photographed before but never been painted while I was posing, hopefully I’m a good study.”

Steve paused, looking up at him. Bucky’s back was completely turned away from him and the blond couldn’t help look at how low his jeans sat, his prominent Venusian dimples staring back at him, practically mocking him.

"Okay there. Everything is set up and ready."

"Great!" Bucky threw himself on the couch, laying out on his side with his arm beneath propping up his upper body, he balled his hand into a fist on his other arm, pushing it into his hip with his elbow sticking out. One leg bent at the knee, foot pressed flat into the couch behind his other leg posing himself, dark greys staring seriously at Steve. 

"Paint me like one of your French girls Stevie." 

His voice was all warm and sultry going with the act except, for Steve it was way too real. 

“That’s not even the exact quote." He managed to grumble out.

Bucky only chuckled softly, his stomach muscles clenching and Steve was helpless to watch, gazing at him dropping his head down for a moment before he raised it with a smirk, “I’ve actually never seen the movie.”

“How am I not surprised?”

“I bet every time you’ve seen it, you cry."

The blond rolled his eyes, “Of course I do, it’s sad. You’d cry too if you saw it.”

Bucky made a face that was in complete disbelief he would break out any level of waterworks for such a movie, glancing out the window without a word behind his grin.

Steve stared at him for one long moment, Bucky posed all laid out long and lean in his low slung skinny dark blue jeans and unruly hair brushed away from his eyes. The sun barely kissed his pale skin, body looking so soft and helpless but the definition of muscles along his stomach and upper arms reminded Steve just how deceptive that idea was. Bucky turned to stare at him with complete acceptance of the situation, a flair of innocence about him with this enigma of something more, something mischievous but fragile and vulnerable. He was so naturally beautiful and as much as he knew how to charm people, Steve was sure Bucky had no idea he had the power to destroy someone with it by pulling them into a spell. It was a silly notion, he knew Bucky wouldn’t have done something so malicious but people have and do, he could easily manipulate an individual if he chose to.

Steve’s mouth was going dry as he tried to swallow thickly. Bucky was going to be the death of him while he was pulled under that spell, he was sure of it.

“Are you just going to stare and gawk at me all day Rogers?”

He blinked, snapping out of his state to roll his eyes at Bucky, “I was studying. You’re finally sitting still for me I figured I would get in real details instead of just going by memory.”

“I posed before and is this right or do you want me to sit or something?”

“It wasn’t the pose I had in mind but I think it would be fun and yeah you did but you were still moving, this is officially our first time.”

“And the French cafe?"

“That was a quick study, didn’t count."

The brunette grinned, “I’m all yours, do what you like.”

Steve shoved _that_ to the side, getting up from his seat to walk over, his eyes fixated on limbs and posture. 

Bucky stared up at him, Steve’s eyes so set and determined as he adjusted his pose with large warm hands that were causing a soft blush to spread along Bucky’s chest. Steve moved parts of him with small minor nudges of fingers and Bucky held back a sigh when a palm cupped the back of his propped ankle to shift his foot just a touch. It was so slight, so insignificant but the way Steve did it made him feel like he was being intimate with him. He tried his hardest not to fixate on the smooth hairless chest in front of him, his fingers moving a touch in want but he managed to keep them where they were supposed to be wanting so badly to brush palms over his pectorals. His stomach fluttered when a firm hand swept down the slight curve of his ribs to his hip and his breathing flushed out, biting down immediately into his bottom lip hoping Steve didn’t catch it. 

Steve didn’t seem to though, his gaze was somewhere else entirely, in his own world from what Bucky could see, transfixed on a perfect pose, busying himself deep in his mind with colors and light, engulfed in his process; he was somewhere else now and it was like _someone else_ took over. 

“There..”

Bucky watched two fingers bump his elbow slightly over and then they pressed against his cheek, sweeping down to the cleft of his chin to give his head a tilt forward.

“Perfect.”

The blush came furiously fast, blooming across his entire body while Steve only stood upright again, returning back to his perch on the stool. Bucky's draw of air felt like a slow ache, trying to will himself to relax and think calm thoughts. His pulse had been racing instead, his body yearning for Steve to touch him again so gentle with notes of unyielding strength just held back at the tips of his fingers.

Steve retreated back into his seat, his fingers remembering the way he could feel Bucky’s pulse beneath his fingers or the way his skin felt, so soft under his palm or how warm he was; how beautiful he thought he looked or how he let out _perfect_ before thinking about it. He meant it, the need to draw him was amazingly strong and the inspiration he felt was so maddening, he was ready and hungry to get to work. 

He occasionally stole looks and glances at Bucky, lost in his eyes that were a deep blue that blended with the color of his jeans as he was laid out intently staring back at him in a way that felt like he was staring _into_ him. The hairs at the back of his neck rose up, the skin across his arms and down his bared chest prickling with goosebumps as his pulse rose. He continued to put in lines on the paper, lost in some weird haze he had made for himself focused solely at the beginning on drawing Bucky’s gaze after shaping him out, eyes sharp and precise. When he felt like he stayed too long he moved down to his face, accentuating his jawline and the gentle roundness of his cheeks until he began moving out to his body.

But those eyes, Bucky’s eyes kept staring at him. Both on paper and in reality. It made him feel exposed and open, he knew it was all him, that Bucky was only posing for him and thusly looking in his general direction but he still felt this intensely deep pull coming from him that made him do everything but answer to it. A thin layer of sweat sat at the base of his neck and at the center of his palms, the air lightly touching the small trace of it at his upper lip. He only worked harder, adjusting his sights to the picture; lips, neck, his collarbone and down his shoulder while his mind unhelpfully provided all places that would be good for kissing and the ideas trailed slow and steady down his body, leaving him irritatingly uncomfortable. 

He shifted a few times for the benefit of making himself less uneasy but the harder he put himself into work, the more aroused he felt himself getting, momentarily trapping himself entirely behind the easel the best he could to shut his eyes trying to will it away. 

Bucky took his time trying to stay just exactly how Steve had posed him which was not so much of a problem as he thought it might have worried it would have been and it was only because he was facing Steve which afforded him the chance to just stare at him. His features helplessly shifted to draw out a gentle smile but he watched and stared at him, small strands of brown and blond hair falling forward when Steve tilted his head down deep into his work. His brows sat together on his forehead and as always his lips were pressed into a serious thin line. It was his eyes though that Bucky focused on the most, so very clear and so very intense. As light as they were, nothing could tramp down the fire in them and Bucky barely knew how many times he ended up holding his breath when their eyes met. When he started, Bucky was sure he was seeing through him, like when he was being posed and another part of Steve was out, he was the exact same here too, the dedicated artist overtaking him, the clear passion and excitement seeping out of his body.

They never said a word to each other and Bucky didn’t mind, hearing the soft occasional scrapes of charcoal across paper as his friend began to draw with long, smooth strokes depicting what he took as the lines of his body. A couple of times through the session Steve stepped out of his seat and walked over to him, his eyes locked on and Bucky felt like he was ready for whatever Steve wanted right then, goosebumps appearing along his skin, his pulse rising. A warm hand would press down on his shoulder, his _bare_ shoulder and adjust him just a little, his other hand cupping the side of his neck to shift him just so and no matter how minor it should have been, Steve’s intensity poured out of him and Bucky burned up from the inside out. 

This was _not_ how he foresaw this, he saw posing as something he could easily do for Steve with no problem aside from sitting still for long hours but Steve’s embodiment of his talent was pushing something within Bucky. Something he couldn’t exactly pin point or focus on, it was more of a sensation bleeding into his skin and deep into every part of his body. It wasn’t that long before his mind wandered, Steve still before him, bent over to fix the brush of his hair, or the way his foot was facing, he entirely felt a shiver roll through him when he cuffed the back of his ankle again just so. His eyes swept over his blues, to his half opened mouth and down his chest again pausing at his navel, completely wishing he could pull this man onto him and make him his, he _wanted_. The urge to press him down on the sheet, Bucky’s sudden paint covered fingers drawing along Steve’s jaw and down his bare chest while all Steve could do was look up at him in wide wonder and pleading eyes; he was kissing him and Steve’s large strong hands pressed against his own skin smearing paint up his back, the cool sensation pushing him to press into his friend, Steve’s hand cupping the back of his neck possessively. They said nothing when Bucky drew back from his lips, the slick sensation moving off the back of his neck and into his hair, words escaping him as he stared into Steve’s eyes, drowning himself in them. He begged to whatever God that existed that no one saved him..

“Bucky?”

Bucky snapped out of his daydream, blinking a few times seeing Steve staring straight into his eyes like he had been but he was focused on him more so, his alternative persona gone and it was just Steve looking at him with slight concern.

“Whats up?” His lip stung and he realized he was probably biting down on it unconsciously.

That concerned look only seemed to deepen, “I asked if you wanted to take a break.”

He was thankful he was wearing dark jeans and his apparent discomfort wasn’t too obvious, hastily nodding, “Um, maybe a five minute break.”

Steve stared at him for a long moment while he dropped his propped knee over his other leg to hide himself better, waiting for his best friend to stop looking at him like he was under scrutiny so he could actually stand and go to the bathroom to drown his face in cold water.

“Are you okay Buck?”

He flashed him a strained smile, “I am, I just spaced out. You get so intense when you’re working and I just started thinking about..other things. Why did you stop?”

“Me? Oh, bathroom break. I couldn’t hold it in and it was throwing off my focus.”

A laugh escaped Bucky, roaming a hand over his face, “Wow, so I spaced out while you ran off to take a bathroom break, I’m sorry.”

He grinned, getting up to go into the kitchen, “It’s okay, I know it’s hard to sit or lay still sometimes. You want something to drink?”

Bucky hastily pulled himself up and made a quick getaway down the hall, “Chocolate milk!”

Steve slid the glass across the counter when Bucky came back, “You know, I’m not gonna be able to finish this til I get home or tomorrow. I have to get going soon and I still have to clean myself up.”

Bucky shrugged, pressing his bare back against the counter taking a sip, “I figured. Can I see?”

The blond shook his head, walking over to the already covered piece, putting his charcoal away, “No just let me finish it then I’ll show you.”

“I suppose.” Bucky muttered out with a soft pout and Steve turned his head a little to smile at him, watching Bucky move over to the sink to rinse his glass out. 

Bucky’s phone on the coffee table chimed and Steve walked over to it, glancing at it curiously only to see Mike messaging Bucky for a late Halloween date. He felt his ears warm, holding the phone out towards his friend, “Your uh date, Mike? He’s asking if you wanna go out with him on Halloween.”

Bucky only shook his head, not bothering to look over as he washed the few dishes, “Tell him I’m busy going to a party already.”

“You want me to..?”

This time Bucky looked over, pointed and a little confused by the query, “Yeah. You know.” He wiggled his fingers, “Type a reply.”

Rolling his eyes, Steve hovered his thumbs over the keys and typed in something simple; that he couldn’t make it, already had plans. He went to post an emoji, did Bucky emoji this guy?

“Do you want an emoji at the end?”

Bucky raised his brows, toweling his hands off before he walked over, standing to Steve’s side only to lean against him and glance at his phone, resting his head lazily on his shoulder, “Nah just send that.”

The rosemary in Bucky’s hair was filling his senses and with his bare skin pressing against him he almost dropped the phone, hastily sending the text to pass the phone back to him, “I should probably get moving.”

Taking his phone, Bucky nodded, grabbing his t-shirt off the armchair to tug it back on over his head and Steve silently sent a thank you to God for that. It was already bad enough that he finally came to realize Bucky was his muse and everything was all going downhill on that fact alone.

  
  


Brock jogged up the front steps on the stoop, black hoodie covering his head, his hands tucked in his sleeves. He stopped at the front door, finally realizing the gravity of how much he was shaking, anxiety filling his entire being. He knocked on the door, scratching lightly at his arms.

“Come on..” He roamed a hand over his unshaven face, perking to the sound of the lock turning and the door opening.

“Brock..?”

“Buck?”

Natasha watched him, lightly pulling the hood off his head taking in his agitated state. “He’s upstairs in bed.”

Brock moved to go up but then stopped, cuffing her forearm and giving her a kiss on the cheek with a small thin line of a smile before slipping his shoes off, jogging up the stairs. 

The door was already open, Lucky sleeping at the foot of the bed, his head resting on Bucky’s calves who was on his side surfing the internet. He glanced up, a hand propping his head up, “Hey.”

Their eyes met and Brock climbed into bed with him, curling himself up and avoiding kicking a half awake dog. He tucked his frame against Bucky’s, pressing his face against his neck, blanket carefully pulling over them both.

“Need you Kiddo..not feeling so good. I’m sorry for the other day.” He mumbled against skin. 

Bucky squeezed a hand against Brock’s, feeling his arms wrapping around his body, tight and secure, “Get some sleep. I’m here.”

He started up the movie he had paused when the knock at the door came now feeling Brock’s warm breath wash against the back of his neck as he was trying to sleep. 

Natasha set the roast in the oven, setting a timer on her phone before going upstairs. She peeked in to find Brock asleep, Bucky watching a movie. It was always the same, they had their little disagreement and Brock would attempt a couple days of going clean, tomorrow he would probably drop off the wagon and Bucky would keep his mouth shut but he would always make room for Brock.

“How is he?”

He glanced over his shoulder giving her a nod, “He’s okay, tired and you know..”

Nat felt a twitch in her chest, the sad look in Bucky’s tired eyes like he knew what was coming because he was used to it and how worn Brock looked. She thinly smiled, crawling onto the other side of the bed, tucking herself up against Brock and the pillows, lightly stroking his hair. He stirred slightly, foggy eyes glancing over to her then falling back to sleep with his face pressed back against the back of Bucky’s neck. 

“I’m taking advantage of this cuddle fest then, did you get some sleep last night?”

He hadn’t, not exactly but he only shrugged, “A little.” 

“How much is a little?”

“A lot of sex.”

Nat lightly stroked black hair, Brock lost in sleep his breathing deep and slow, “Gonna see your mystery one night stand again then? And how’s Steve?”

Bucky shrugged, “Maybe. It was something. Good? I guess? Stark took him to some business brunch thing this morning after he was with Sam, show him off I guess because suddenly he’s interested in promoting Steve after two years or something.”

He felt a hand squeeze the back of his shoulder, “He’s a busy man James, he can’t be worried over Steve all the time when he has a company to run twenty four hours a day, every day.”

Bucky could only shrug back, “I get it, I do but that guy, I don’t know. I know they love each other but it’s wrong for both of them. Stark is decent _I guess_ but he’s like you said, he’s a busy guy and Steve needs someone to take care of him _emotionally_ which Tony can do I assume on some fucked up level but Steve is also a person that wants to take care of someone, he needs someone to need him because he wants to feel important in that sort of way. I mean I’ve seen it first hand. Tony doesn’t really, I don’t know him so I don’t exactly know but he’s good at taking care of himself on a general level, I know from Steve the guy eats food from his fridge not knowing when it expires. I don’t know, it’s none of my business.”

“Este bine sa va faceti griji, Kotyonok.”

Bucky hummed softly in agreement, “Natasha, imi pasa de el atat de mult..”

“How many times have I told you two euro brats to cut that shit out?” Brock muttered out against Bucky’s neck, his eyes still closed while he snuggled closer against his back.

Natasha slipped a hand under Rumlow’s shirt, pinching his skin, “Maybe don’t pretend to sleep while eavesdropping then.”

“Only listening for my name Darlin’.” He drawled out, his hand reached back, pinching her thigh in retaliation, chuckling tiredly at the sharp slap of her hand hitting his arm.

“Besides Rummy, are you not Italian? Technically you’re a ‘euro brat’ too.”

Brock lightly squeezed Bucky wrapped up in his arms, “Don’t see me muttering to you in Italian, do I?”

“Could if you like.”

Rumlow made a soft sound into the pillow in disagreement, “Just stop talkin’ about those two in any language, they’re a train wreck waiting to happen by the sounds of it, none of our concern.”

Natasha made a small noncommital sound, letting herself settle in while Bucky only shrugged knowing Brock would feel it, returning to the movie. Maybe Brock was wrong, maybe he was right, Bucky couldn’t really say but he supposed talking about them wouldn’t help any especially when that dull ache slowly crept back inside of him and gnawed away like it always did.

  


Steve whirled around to the sound of a key entering the lock and he froze, a smile plastered over his face when Bucky walked in and immediately his face fell, looking all over the living room.

“Steve..you didn’t.”

“H-hey Bucky, you’re home!”

His best friend’s expression was stoic, examining each and every new Halloween decoration he had hung up. Stickers and cut outs at the windows, like Natasha’s place everything that could be made into a seasonal Halloween change was, throw pillows, a small blanket with cute little ghosts sat on the armchair. Even the lamp shade was switched to a black and purple colored one with a scared black cat pattern across it. He even had streamers, there were streamers on the ceiling. It took a second but he heard some Halloween horror tracks playing low in the background.

“ _Steve_ what the fuck.”

The blond looked sheepish, standing still in the kitchen, tucking his hands behind him, “I just felt, I don’t know. I know I said I was going to light, reel it back but Bucky! Halloween!”

“It looks like Halloween dropped in and puked all over the place..wait is that a corpse on your fire escape?”

He pushed past him in the kitchen to look.

“Yeah, are you..upset?”

He turned to look at him with a brow raised, “About you decorating your own fucking apartment with way too much purple, black and orange? Why would I be? I’m just surprised after you said what you said.”

A weight lifted off his shoulders, smiling at him suddenly and Bucky suddenly widened his eyes, “Wait, you were holding back because of me, weren’t you?”

He shrugged a little, “I don’t know, maybe. It was our first Halloween as friends, I didn’t want to alarm you and think I was crazy.”

Bucky snorted, walking over to the carved pumpkin on the kitchen table, a lit tealight in its grinning mouth already, “I already think you’re nuts Rogers, don’t worry about that.”

He turned and looked at Steve with a mischievous glint in his eyes, “I can’t wait for Christmas though, if you’re as crazy as this or worse, you and I are going to have some real fun.”

The excitement that zipped sharply up his back at the way Bucky looked at him and said what he did almost made him shiver as he stepped back against the stove, the warmth reminding him why he was even in the kitchen.

“Oh, hey are you hungry?”

With all the decorations, Bucky had overlooked the mess on the counters tilting his head curiously, “What’ve you got in mind?”

Steve beamed, “Okay, don’t expect anything big but I think I made early dinner or late lunch, whichever you want to call it.”

“You _think_?"

He nodded in response, completely ignoring the way he emphasized the last word, slipping on an oven mitt to lift out the medium sized roasting pan out of the oven, turning to point to the chair so Bucky didn’t come look over his shoulder. He meticulously cut off a quarter chicken serving for him, placing it on a plate.

_Okay it’s not pink, that’s good._

“You shoulda waited for it to rest.” The voice supplied behind him.

“Shuddap."

There were some smaller serving dishes with some mashed potatoes he had managed to make earlier with Sam in his ear and he cheated with a can of corn. His ma always said it was perfectly okay to use canned vegetables if he couldn’t dash out last minute to grab something and should always have back up. He liked it, he was sure Bucky wouldn’t get upset about it. He came around and set the plate down before his friend holding out a napkin with a knife and fork.

Taking them, Bucky looked down at the plate, sniffing at it much to Steve’s dismay. He glanced up at the blond before digging in and taking a shy bite, Steve’s knuckles riding into the table surface in anticipation. 

He watched Bucky chew slowly and thoughtfully, his eyes rolling up to the ceiling in thought, “I don’t feel like I’m being poisoned.”

A smile crossed Steve’s face, he was open to anything that was remotely positive, especially when he watched Bucky consume more of the chicken and then some of the mashed potatoes with the corn, a small noise escaping from him like he was mildly pleased which in turn caused Steve to be. 

He felt that warm fuzzy feeling bubble up inside of him, turning around to see if he would want more. He grabbed the barely out of the oven roasting pan with his bare hand, thinking nothing of it when he suddenly shouted out in pain, pushing his hand out to shove the pan back at the stove, thankfully not dropping the chicken on the floor. His hand flew out in some random arc, flinging around before falling into the refrigerator, pressing his burnt fingers into his chest with the other hand. 

Bucky was on his feet instantly, cursing at him as he grasped Steve’s arm to pull him to the sink, “You idiot, what were you day dreamin’ about?”

Steve winced in pain, his face screwed up in discomfort not bothering to answer. Bucky turned on the cold water, shoving his palm under it, huffing in annoyance, “You can’t be distracted like that Rogers. You’re going to end up chopping off one of your fingers doing that.”

He let Bucky lecture him, not minding the brunette firmly holding his forearm so that he kept his hand under the running tap. A few minutes passed before Bucky gave up scolding him, fixated on making sure his hand wasn’t burnt anywhere else.

“At least the chicken didn’t drop.”

Bucky glanced up at him with a questioning brow, “You’re such a fucking Punk, I swear.”

A slow smile spread across Steve’s face when they looked at each other again and he watched a small twinge of a smile fight to appear on Bucky’s face. 

“Stop that shit. I’m mad at you right now.”

“Stop what?”

“Steve, you fucking burnt your hand. Get out of here with your crap.”

Steve flashed him a smile that screamed shit disturber, “I can’t, you’re holding it so tightly I couldn’t even if I wanted to.”

Bucky rolled his eyes, loosening his grip but not letting go of it, “Why you gotta be an ass?”

“Why you gotta be a jerk when I tried so hard for you?”

Sighing, Bucky stared at him, dropping his annoyed tone, “You don’t gotta try for me Steve, I like you being a shitty cook. I may not eat it much but I know you tried. You don’t have to impress me.”

Steve watched him carefully run his fingers along the outside of his burnt hand, exposing his palm to see how red it was, his eyes focused on the job at hand and Steve was focused on him.

“I’m not made of glass Buck, you’re not hurting me. Are you so mad you don’t want to try the other thing I attempted to make?”

“What other thing?” He muttered softly, finally letting go but pressing Steve’s forearm to make sure he kept it there under the cool running water for now.

“Something.”

Bucky hopped up on the counter, finally looking at him with a mild sense of irritation in his eyes, “Rogers.”

Steve stared back at him, a pleasant smile across his features and Bucky only wanted to reach out and caress his cheek and pull him closer or strangle him, one or the other. He didn’t do either though, feigning disinterest instead. 

The blond smirked, turning to press his back against the counter top, keeping his left hand under the water, “Under the kitchen towel behind the roasting pan there’s a muffin tray.”

“Muffin tray?” He turned and reached around to the back, tugged the towel away to reveal still warm baked muffins, bringing them around to his lap, “You made chocolate chip muffins!"

He picked one up, a blue wax paper wrapper around it looking perfectly normal and actually edible, “How?"

Steve couldn’t help but laugh at how impressed Bucky sounded, “I learned. Sam showed me how. I had to try a few times but I finally got it, I always forgot you can’t over mix them."

He watched Bucky take one apart down the middle, the chocolate chips still gooey and warm, melting just slightly in their centers. Bucky immediately took a bite and did almost everything but moan out in happiness. The look on his face made Steve’s brooding over his lack of brain cells to cook worth trying, completely adoring Bucky when he had that face on him, the face of pure sunshine and bliss. 

"Oh my God Steve. God what..these are so good!" He took another excited bite, bits of chocolate staining his fingers.

Steve blushed, feeling proud and shy at the same time; he took one for himself with his free hand, taking a bite off the top of his muffin with a small smile and yeah, they were really good.

Bucky suddenly moved his head, swiftly planting a quick chocolate stained kiss on his cheek and slightly into his beard with a lofty pleased giggle so lost in the moment that Steve froze the second it happened and it took a half second after him for Bucky to freeze and glance at him after he abruptly reeled back.

"Oh my God, I'm sorry. I.." 

He was flustered and was at a loss for words, not meaning to be so forward even though it was completely acceptable for their level of friendship. He knew that, he was aware of that but for Bucky that had always been a hard line, something he didn’t want to happen so that he never made Steve uncomfortable or weird. Now here he was acting on impulse because he had grown so comfortable around him, probably messing everything up. 

He opened his mouth like he was struggling to find something else to say, closing it abruptly and dropping his head down in shame and Steve felt bad for him, knowing the only reason they didn't kiss each other on the cheek or whatnot on any sort of level really was of the complicated implications they were already giving to Tony, probably their friends and the whole world itself. In a way it was ridiculous, he understood but still. He kissed Sam's cheek a lot through his lifetime, Clint kissed Bucky numerous times on the cheek and the other way around, hell he had seen Brock do it, Tony kissed everyone that would look in his direction on the lips he didn't care much over specifics. Was it really so bad to kiss his friend on the damn cheek or forehead when they appreciated something they did?

Steve turned his head, planting a quick kiss on Bucky's unguarded cheek and his best friend's hand immediately went to the spot like Steve had jabbed him there, a dot of chocolate staining his skin, pale grey eyes looking at him without raising his head.

"I know what we look like sometimes on the outside to people, we hold hands and arms and we’re close. We got real close really fast. I understand that. I get that it looks compromising to them even though we’re not doing anything wrong. I know how you meant it, you know how I mean it. We're friends and we mean things to each other. I'm not going to get angry if you kiss my cheek and you don't need to apologize for expressing happiness like that, at least not to me, especially now. I almost lost you and I force myself to be normal about it so I don’t rile you up but I think about that sometimes when it’s quiet, I do. You mean a lot to me, I just..”

He shook his head sadly and Bucky had lifted his head to peer at Steve carefully. A tumble of emotions ran through Bucky staring at Steve and before his friend could continue, he placed his muffin down and wrapped his arms tightly around his neck.

“Stop Steve. Please? I’m right here.”

Arms went around Bucky and tightened just as firmly, “I know Buck, I know..” 

Bucky’s palm stroked up and down his friend’s back, as a strained wet sob slipped out from Steve and it only hurt his chest, fingers sliding into dirty blond hair, grasping at it gently.

_How did we get here?_

“I’m right here, _Papusa_.” Words repeated with a vengeance to them wanting and hoping Steve was listening.

Again Bucky said that name Steve didn’t know, that familiarity hitting his heart and making it try to leap out of him. He had no idea what it meant, remembering the way Bucky looked at him at the party when he said it and then the way Steve made a fool of himself thinking he was calling him some sort of food dish. It was silly but whatever it was, it made him happy and it was something Bucky seemed to reserve for him which only made him feel warm and bubbly that he was given more than one pet name. He didn’t know why then and now he had decided on admitting to Bucky how scared he still felt about losing him, he didn’t have plans for it or even want to make it known, it just happened so suddenly and he fought to keep his emotions intact, but that name..

He sniffled a little, drawing back and away, staring at Bucky with damp, red tinged eyes, “Say something else Buck.”

At first Bucky furrowed his brows in confusion, thinking back in thought before he stared at Steve again, realizing the slip of his tongue, “Oh!”

He brought a hand to his mouth, blushing softly, he hadn’t meant to say it. He usually managed to bite it back, Steve staring at him like a sad lost puppy wanting more of it. His throat felt dry and tight like it was trying to strangle him. Coughing lightly he rested his hand on Steve’s shoulder, “I don’t know what to say Steve..”

“Anything you want, I just..I’d like to hear you again Bucky.”

He nodded to him, sitting back and letting Steve straighten himself up. He picked up the dish towel beside them, lightly dabbing at the corner of Steve’s eyes to get any trace of those tears he had fought to hold back, giving him an understanding smile.

“Steve?”

“Hm?”

“Am nevoie de tine mai mult decat stii.”

Steve could only blink for a second in silent awe, just staring at Bucky with no words before he pulled him in and hugged him tight. Arms squeezing around the smaller frame pressed firmly against his chest like letting go would cause Bucky to drift away. He had no idea what he had said but the way his voice sounded, so honest and open, whatever it was he meant it and something inside Steve, something small and fragile tucked away deep wanted to weep.

“Remember, you don’t have to hide from me Buck. Always be yourself.”

He held on, a sharp breath sucked in when Steve crushed him close but he didn’t protest, only nodding against his head quietly though he knew in the back of his mind that was easier said than done.

Steve’s words bounced around his head as he left the apartment building and made his way across the street and into the park. It was definitely easier said than done, he might end up saying something or doing something that crossed a line, he wasn’t ready for something like that to happen, something that would make Steve hate him. 

He ran his fingers along his cheek where he kissed him smiling softly to himself. He knew it really was nothing, he should take it as nothing but it still lingered and gave him a warm happy feeling he couldn’t escape. 

“What’re you smiling like a goof about?!”

Bucky glanced up and saw Natasha still a small distance away, a smirk across her lips and he could only shake his head at her. He tossed his sweater down in the grass when he caught up, the sun deceptively warm for October. He was already feeling the heat creeping in through his black t-shirt and blue jeans. Natasha shook her head at him, rolling by him on roller blades, holding up his skateboard, “I swear you look translucent, Count Dracula.” Bucky took his board, flipping her the finger.

“Where’s your boyfriend?”

“He’s _not_. He’s taking a shower and stuff for work, he said he would drop by and say hi before he leaves."

The wood was a little new, the deck he ordered early on when he was first talking to Steve but it still had that measure of familiarity to it he soaked in. He was pretty sure it had been close to a month he hadn’t skateboarded, glancing warily towards Clint and some other guys taking turns doing tricks, his movements confident and clean. He had put his hobby aside to fawn over Steve and now he was a little nervous to get back into it. 

“Remember that summer you broke your arm and you couldn’t skateboard?”

Bucky looked over his shoulder, “I was thirteen.”

Natasha hummed in agreement, moving around him in wide circles, “Yeah but you were scared to get back on the board then too, but it all came back like a muscle memory. A month isn’t too bad, besides you have to show off for Steve.”

“Calm down Tash, he barely knows I exist. You should see how many times he stares at his phone like Stark’s gonna magically call if he does it. Prolly did it once and it did happen so now he’s fixated on doing it out of habit.”

“Oh you’re so in love with him.” 

Bucky grunted in annoyance, ignoring her.

He took is slow on the paved walkway away from the ramps, resting his left foot and pushing off with his right, Natasha a few feet ahead of him to watch and support him even if he didn’t ask for it. His confidence was a little screwed up but he managed fine, getting used to balancing before he broke out in short runs to ride his board. 

“See I told you? Muscle memory. You wanna do some short races?”

“You’re on blades though.”

She gave him a wink, “You could try to beat me.”

He rolled his eyes and nodded, running a few short speed racing drills just to get back into it, Nat stopping every moment Bucky felt like he was about to hit a wall or fall even though he never did and soon enough his old self came back, testing out a few simple tricks like flipkicks while Clint came back to fall down on the grass. 

“How is he doing?”

“Great! Just needed a little time to get his footing again.”

Bucky smiled up at him and jogged with his board to hop on it and try another flipkick.

“Hey guys!” 

Bucky whirled his head to the sound of Steve’s voice, throwing off his balance after the shift of weight feeling himself fall before he even realized. His skateboard disappearing beneath his feet. He faceplanted himself into the concrete, a jolt of pain exploding at this chin.

“James!”

He felt Natasha wrap her hands around his forearm, helping him up to sit on his knees. He groaned out in pain, wincing, “What did I do? How bad is it?”

He felt her lightly dab at his chin with a tissue she nabbed from the backpack she was wearing, “You’re okay, it looks worse that it is. It’s not a very deep scrape.” 

“It stings like a bitch.”

“Well if you didn’t lose your balance because of someone..”

Bucky opened one eye to glare at her, glancing to see where Steve was. Clint had pulled himself up to run over and was busy talking to him about God knows what, Steve politely listening with two of his muffins in hand in paper towels but glancing over from time to time to make sure everything was peachy over where he was. He flashed Bucky a smile and Bucky smiled back, a grimace immediately following after pain rang through him for the action.

“Blondie’s got game.”

“What?”

She just smirked at him, lightly cleaning the area with a wet napkin and he could only roll his eyes. 

Steve finally approached squatting down beside them, handing Natasha his last muffin, Clint already devouring his with a thumb in the air, “You okay Buck?”

He immediately nodded, turning his head to show him, fingers reaching out to gingerly tilt his head back making a small pained sound with a suck of air through his teeth, “It’s really red but it’s not so bad.”

Bucky smiled wider at him, the pain already moving to just a soft throb, “Did you just come to say hi to everyone or you got time to hang out?”

He shifted to sit down on the concrete, dusting his hands off, “I got a little time.”

“You wanna learn again?”

“Definitely not. Besides, I don’t have that kinda time.”

Bucky reached over, lightly brushing away some of his dirty blond hair to stop it from falling forward, “Well, can’t say I didn’t try.”

Steve couldn’t help smile back, “Are you going to be home when I get out?”

“Maybe, someone doesn’t want to skateboard with me. Natasha might want me to be home.”

She raised her brow, nibbling at the muffin before she shook her head at him, “Oh no, don’t bring me into whatever argument this is. By the way Steve, this is really good.” 

He shied away from the compliment, “Thanks Nat.”

Bucky lightly nudged him, ducking his head to look at his face, “Stop blushing, it really is good. If you didn’t stop me I would have eaten them all. Nat he made roast chicken and sides, I’m so proud of him even though he really doesn’t have to work to do anything, he’s good how he is too.”

The blush only came out stronger and redder, Steve’s sweaty feeling palms pressing down against jeans, “I’ll make you more muffins, if you want. I just wanted to try, see if I could, on my own, you know?”

Natasha pressed a palm against his shoulder patting the spot softly, “I’m proud of you too Steve, it’s good to learn something new don’t listen to Bucky trying to baby you and protect you.”

Bucky gaped at her but didn’t say anything, rolling his eyes as he peered over to where Clint went off to, watching him try some new tricks on his board with some other guys. He pulled himself up and grabbed his own skateboard, heading off to join them.

Watching after them, Steve moved to get off the walkway and lay out on his belly in the dry warm grass. Soon it was going to get too cool for this and he soaked in the last moments they had with the sun watching Bucky do another flipkick.

Natasha undid the straps on her roller blades, pulling on some casual black and white sneakers, watching Steve with a small knowing smile while she tied up her laces, “So, I never asked. How was Monday with you going with him to the appointment?”

He folded his arms underneath his chest, elbows keeping him up as he nodded towards her, “Good. Well we were good, Tony called and we got into it a little. I can’t really deal with his snark remarks when it comes to having to defend myself over Bucky you know? I’d like to think I’m always able to make time for him if he’s free except this week, he sent me roses but I just still feel a little raw about it. We did go to a luncheon thing together earlier today but he was talking to a lot of people and kind of dumped me on some investors talking about art, I mean it was nice but if they were talking about business I would have died from boredom and like I said, I was kind of giving him a little bit of silent treatment.”

She made a small sound of agreement, her eyes dancing along the tree line of the park watching people jog by or walk, kids playing and running around the playground.

Steve paused and thought for a moment, glancing at her tentatively before he looked back towards the skaters, “So two things, Bucky offered to buy me a tuxedo. I mean he didn’t offer, he did. A _really_ expensive tuxedo for the Christmas gala, is that okay? I don’t want to seem like I’m taking advantage of him, I..I was obviously angry but he just was him, you know. Shrugged it off, pretended he wasn’t listening to me til he got his way. Typical Bucky things.”

“Oh yeah, he’ll do that. You aren’t taking advantage of him Steve, he just..” She gestured softly with her hand, upturned in the sunlight trying to find the word, “He overcompensates. It’s not something you really need to worry about. He won’t end up buying you a house next or anything but he lacks the understanding that people that don’t have unlimited income may find his behavior pushy or in your case, make them feel guilty. As long as you’re not in the pool that happily wants to take advantage I would just let it happen, believe me, it’s easier that way. It’s simply his way of liking you, he wants you to be happy and he’s only trying to help. He doesn’t mean any offense and he won’t listen if you tell him not to, he’s never sure he’s enough so he buys things on top of it. It’s a behavior I’ve tried to help him stop but his insecurity is really deep.”

Steve sighed a little, nodding in agreement. He watched then abruptly winced at Clint tumbling into the grass but quickly pulled himself up grinning away and waving at everyone that he was alright earning a laugh from him.

“So what was the second thing?” 

“Um, Judge Pierce? We ran into him on our walk to a cafe, who is that guy? He’s creepy for the lack of a better word.”

It was subtle but he noticed how she tensed, it was slight and barely there but it was an instinct to the name as soon as it came out but she smiled, a palm running down the back of his head, petting him affectionately. 

“That would probably be a good word to describe him and it’s just someone Bucky wishes he didn’t know. What did you do?”

“Yeah that wasn’t hard to see. I did what I had to, I moved him out of there as fast as my feet would take me when we got the chance. He said something about someone named Alex and it just seemed worse, I know you don’t want to tell me, I know he doesn’t want to tell me but at least give me something. I don’t like that man Nat, I don’t know what’s going on yet for some reason it takes just his appearance to make Bucky nervous.”

Fingers played with the ends of his hair, his eyes determined and pleading for answers but he was melting to the touch knowing she was doing it for more than one reason, but it was mainly to placate him which was pretty much where he was at right then.

“That’s just something you have to hope Bucky wants to talk about one day. Sometimes he just wants to forget people and move on. Alex is his son and he seems to think Bucky is someone that knows where he is.”

Steve sat up on his elbows a little more, “But why?” 

Natasha’s hand had stilled but her attention wasn’t on him, it was on Bucky doing a trick Steve had once seen him do on the way to a movie, though it was a little different too. He squinted his eyes watching with a pang of worry, the board doing a complete flip in mid air before his feet landed back on it and he effortlessly rolled to a stop with his hands tucked behind his back. Clint and the others they were hanging out with giving him cheers, “Oh, I’m impressed. He did a fakie full cab flip, well well Rogers he must be showing off for you.”

Steve looked at her, full on, confusion written all over his face, “Okay..what did you say, I didn’t understand half of that.”

Except he didn’t need a dictionary for the last part, Bucky looking up with a sheepish goofy smile and a face of pure adorable innocence making sure Steve had seen and he grinned back at him, giving him an appreciative nod before Bucky hastily turned away.

“Oh Steve, why did you go and make him blush?”

“What?! I didn’t! He’s just being shy again, Nat stop teasing me.”

“Why not? You’re easy to tease.” She mused, playing with his hair again.

  


Bucky was asleep when he got home, curled on his side facing away from the doorway. The lamp light burning away and a worn book with no back cover tucked against his face, fingers and thumbs barely holding on between the pages of where he left off. Carefully Steve plucked it away, setting it on the bedside table. 

He took some clothing, changing in the hall as quietly as possible before he turned off the light and climbed in on the other side of the bed. Fatigue quickly set in, a soft sniffle beside him and nothing else, a light smile on his face as he settled in not entirely sure why he was falling asleep so quickly but he welcomed in with open arms, eyes closing and slipping away all too quickly.

It was barely a few hours into the morning when Steve woke up with a start, chest heaving like he had been drowning, sweat collecting at his already damp forehead with the sheets bunched around his waist. It took him a few seconds to realize where he was, darkness around him and rain hitting the glass. He brushed a hand across his brow dropping it down to rest against his sternum, turning to find Bucky in a deep sleep beside him, back turned, sheets barely touching his legs. He immediately pulled the blanket over Bucky's form, snuffling in behind to hold him close.

“Steve?”

He made a small noise to acknowledge himself, burying his face into Bucky’s hair, arms wrapping around his body in a tight bear hug.

“Are you okay?” He could barely push the words out, mind hazy and slow.

Bucky felt him nod, sleep still pulling at him to come back in especially with Steve’s warmth around him. Fingers lightly crawled against his shirt, palm pressing to his sternum the way he was familiar with when he hyperventilated, the natural need to snuggle into his friend, his head falling against Steve’s shoulder awkwardly exposing his neck.

Slowly bringing his breathing down to normal, Steve blinked a few times as his hand massaged gentle slow circles against Bucky’s chest to relax himself and know Bucky was physically there, that Bucky was real and what he was dreaming about was not. The cold sweat hung off him like a cloud, a tangible memory while he stared into the darkness listening to Bucky breathe as he fell back asleep again, unguarded and vulnerable. He lightly rested his cheek against his friend’s neck, feeling his heart beating against his hand and his face, his eyes dipped to the sensation not yet ready to close them as violent flashes of his nightmare still lingered in spite. 

He still saw his ma’s blue eyes staring at him, accusing him of leaving her and telling him so. Telling him it was his fault, telling him every moment, reliving the moments before she died. The call, the funeral, Sam’s accusatory stare, Tony nonchalantly stating that it should have been him instead of her. None of it was real, he knew but it _felt_ like it was, drowning him, pulling him away into the depths to lock him from everything and-

“Mhn.. _Steve_..”

He blinked a few times, Bucky trying to wiggle forward slightly, his arms stayed hugging him tight to his chest but he loosened up so Bucky could shift, “Yes?”

“Squishing me..” He complained in a tired childish voice.

A small reverent smile crept out of him, “Sorry Buck, I guess I got lost in my head.”

He watched Bucky tilt his head and move away some more, still locked in Steve’s arms. He rolled over clumsily to his other side so he could face him, sleepy eyes blinking slowly at him, a palm reaching up to form along Steve’s thin beard letting it sit there for a second while he regained his wits, soon curling the pads of his fingers in to stroke it lightly.

“Wanna talk about it?”

Steve only shook his head solemnly, Bucky’s fingers leaving to brush underneath his eyes and rid the tears he didn’t realize he had. The brunette silently moved up against his pillow a fraction to position himself better before he gently tugged Steve close to him, pressing his head to his chest resting his hand at the back of it to stroke his hair. 

Steve turned to rest his cheek there, relishing at listening to Bucky’s steady heartbeat. He gripped the back of his shirt feeling his best friend’s legs wrap loosely around one thigh, close and tight to him, reminding him he was there if he was needed.

“I got you Rogers.” He mumbled out sleepily, a wisp of a yawn slipping out of him.

Steve let his eyes close, images still washing over like slow shore waves but less so than a few minutes ago, replacing themselves with better memories of his ma and when they had happier days full of warmth and love, her smile so bright he could barely see past it. 

His cheek nuzzled in closer against Bucky’s chest, rubbing into the soft worn material, fingers curling around t-shirt, “Thank you Buck.”

  


Bucky could hear the chirping birds before he even opened his eyes, a sliver of light trying to poke through his eyelids and he could only shift his head away in minor tired protest. It was then that he realized what he had been dreaming about and that he had woken up with morning wood, an issue he had repeatedly tried to disguise when Steve was laying beside him. On the plus side, Steve usually left on runs in the morning with Sam and if he wondered why Bucky was occasionally freshly showered by the time he came back, well he never let on.

Wasting no time, he took a quick look around to find himself empty in bed and Steve’s change of last nights clothing on the chair which meant he was gone, the eerie calm of the apartment solidifying it. For a brief moment he wondered about Steve’s state of mind when he left, hoping it was better than when he woke up from whatever nightmare he had and it wasn’t too long before the memory of comforting Steve reminded him of how good it felt to press against his solid body.

He reached down into his sweatpants and felt himself softly through the layer of silk. As usual, he had grown a habit of ignoring himself til he was fully hard and just couldn’t deal with leaving it alone anymore, especially when you had a God of a man laying next to you fast asleep looking so damn sinful and all you wanted to do was kiss him until he moaned and wanted more. 

He sighed to himself, shaking his head. The fabric against his palm gave him both friction and the illusion that it wasn’t his own hand. The pads of his fingertips traced lines up and down his length slow and teasing; he shoved the blanket aside intently listening to his breath hitch and his eyes squeeze shut while the back of his head gnawed that this might be the one time he could get caught, the moment Steve would walk in..

His mind changed direction the second he began tugging his pants and lightly damp boxers down to his knees, dull nails dragging along his inner thighs as he settled back. Grasping himself in his right hand he sucked in a sharp breath of air, spreading precum along his shaft, setting a steady rhythm with the rock of his hips. 

He tried to keep it quiet in case Steve did come home early, give himself a few free seconds to get his pants back up; his free hand roamed up along his tense taut stomach, feeling out every plane and curve of soft skin. The heel of his palm nudged his shirt upwards feeling a shiver run through him as his thumb grazed over one hardened nipple, his hips arching off the mattress when he brushed his other thumb along his slit, a loud groan helplessly falling out of him.

Thoughts of Steve touching him everywhere made it impossible to keep an eye out for trouble, sinking deeper and deeper into his own madness, shifting and grinding against the mattress at the thought of him walking in like this and instead of becoming angry he was aroused. Bucky panted into the air, lost in the idea of Steve joining him, moving down beside him and eventually replacing Bucky’s hand for his own on his slick cock, dragging out every groan and whine, mapping him out through his responses while those blue eyes stared at him with absolute _want_. 

“Fuck.. _Steve_..”

He pictured sky blue eyes quickly darkening to his reactions, his stomach knotting up and twisting, his insides burning up at the signs of his impending orgasm and he only thrust his hips eagerly into his fist. He dropped his head to the side helplessly, moaning out louder with a whimper lacing it just before he came and rode out his aftershocks, sensitive little bursts of pleasure rolling all the way down to his curled toes.

He let his hands fall to the side, cum coated fingers staining the sheets before he could stop himself with a faint wince, he gathered himself taking a few minutes to catch his breath before feelings of guilt and disrespect took over his mind. There was no turning back now, slipping off the bed after getting out of his clothes, tugging off the first sheet and wipe himself down hastily. He dumped it into the laundry basket and jumped into the shower, hot scalding water relieving some of the anxiety he felt for sexualizing Steve after being so close to him, but he just couldn’t turn it off, the idea seeming way too impossible.

He changed into fresh clothes and stripped the bed, tossing the fitted sheet into the laundry basket where the top sheet was already waiting, laying out fresh new ones. His phone chimed to a text message, a small smile playing across his lips when Steve left a message hoping he was awake and that him and Sam were going to be there soon to make breakfast. He picked up the pace, throwing the pillows back that he hadn’t changed since they had already been changed a couple days ago with Steve’s wash, he held the end of the comforter and tossed it across the bed, watching it fall into place. He adjusted it a little at the corners and turned his head to the sound of keys in the lock. It was at that moment he suddenly became fully aware of how much he didn’t change the sheets and hoped Steve wasn’t too curious on the reason. 

“Buck?”

He couldn’t do much now, turning out of the bedroom and coming down the hall, “Hey, got your message. Hi Sam.”

Sam grinned wide, placing a pair of grocery bags on the kitchen table, “Hey Bucky, how are you?”

He could already feel the warmth growing at the tip of his ears but he smiled wide and gave him a shrug, tucking his hands together behind his back, “I’m doing fine, yourself?”

“Great! Now, before you get upset..”

Bucky immediately looked around and the package of turkey bacon on the counter beside Steve instinctively threw up his red flags, his arms folding over his chest.

Sam tried not to grin, pointing at the brunette, glancing over at Steve, “Didn’t I tell you he was going to start as soon as he saw that turkey bacon. You spoil him _way_ too much Steve.”

The blond opened his mouth to protest but Bucky only stepped forward to the two bags Sam brought in which the man blocked from his prying eyes so he moved to the ones Steve brought in, snatching and opening a pair on the counter before anyone could stop him.

“Okay what is this? Fresh vegetables, eggs, fish, chicken. Vitamins? More gross protein mix, ugh. Did you at least buy me some pudding and pizza pockets Steve?”

Sam folded his arms over his chest with a huge smirk, looking at Steve with his past comment still fresh in the air and Steve sighed loudly, turning to one of the bags beside him, holding it out for Bucky, “And there’s a carton of chocolate milk in the fridge already.”

Steve turned to glare at Sam who only fought to hold back an _I told you so_. Bucky ignored their silent interaction, only shuffling forward to throw his arms around his best friend’s neck with a pleased noise, “Thank you.”

Just maybe Sam made the shape of a heart with his hands behind Bucky’s back when Steve met his friend’s gaze..just maybe, but Steve only smiled, hugging Bucky tightly to him. 

“You’re always welcome.”

Clapping his hands together, Sam revved up the unloading process, “Alright let’s get all this stuff put away, I’m already starving!”

Sam tilted his head to the roses, “By the way, what did Tony do this time?”

He only had to watch Steve give Bucky a look that he at least got the idea of why Tony messed up, shoving away a box of cereal into the cabinet.

“Bucky went to a doctor’s appointment and because of all that stuff with Brock, he had a panic attack later that night after you left so when we woke up I asked if I could take him. Tony called while I was in the waiting room and got upset about me being there with him. Apparently I’m not allowed to take Bucky to appointments but he can judge me for it.”

Bucky grinned, “And then flowers came care of Tony Stank.”

Steve gave him a look, shaking his head, “The delivery guy said his name wrong then corrected himself.”

Pausing with the bags of apples and oranges, Sam had a good laugh before he set them down on the counter top, “Oh man, I missed that?! I gotta use that, Tony Stank. That’s amazing!”

Steve waiting for him to finish but Sam only laughed again, almost dropping a jar of pickles on the floor and Bucky was at this other side laughing with him. This wasn’t going to leave quietly.

They finally stopped when the groceries were put away and breakfast was getting started, “So did you forgive him?”

Shrugging, Steve grabbed a plate, “I always do. He just gets a little jealous, he doesn’t mean it, he just jumps to conclusions too much but on that note, I’m giving him a side of cold shoulder til his party, seems like a good way to get him to calm down. We went to a luncheon earlier but I wasn’t entirely enjoying it because he dumped with with strangers but they enjoyed talking about art so that was good.”

Sam raised a brow, “You know he’s going to spend the next few days wondering if you’re all over Bucky, right?”

Bucky definitely had no problem with that, eating a cracker from an open box that was left out instead of admitting it. He watched Steve shrug and then nod to his best friend, a look of acceptance across his features.

A few minutes later Bucky stared at the turkey bacon Steve had removed from the package only to place it on top of the wrapper. He kept one wary eye on it while Steve was cracking some eggs in a bowl beside it, Bucky’s hand reaching for some mugs. Sam at Bucky’s other side, chopping up some vegetables.

“I always put my sandwich meat and bacon in a container and not on the package since you have no idea who picked their nose and then touched the thing...”

Steve gave him a surprised look, “Buck- ”

“..Or their ass..”

“ _Bucky_.”

Bucky’s eyes snapped up at Steve, the blond picking up the bacon to place it on an empty plate, “Happy?”

Bucky tried not to smile and had a hell of a time holding back, Steve making a disgusted face at the bacon now.

“Can’t get it outta your head now, can you?”

“I hate you so much right now.”

Sam let out a soft chuckle under his breath, innocently switching back to humming along with the tune playing on his phone.

 

Sam quietly sat in the armchair to the side silently watching the made for television movie and side eyeing the duo with his hand under his chin and an elbow propped on the arm of his seat. Steve passed him a fresh cup of coffee giving his friend a warm smile before moving to the other side of the living room by the couch.

Bucky laid out sprawled on the couch, his head propped up on the arm, one leg hanging off onto the floor, the other Steve lifted up and placed in his lap after he seated himself. 

“What’s on?”

The brunette shrugged, “Some movie about a woman being stalked. I think it’s on that channel that’s made for awful movies.”

Steve chuckled taking a small sip from his coffee mug his free hand softly massaging the top of his Bucky’s socked foot, “Then change it?”

The male made a small disagreeable noise that Steve noticed was an ongoing habit that he found rather cute and adorable, “Remote fell under the coffee table and I was so comfortable. That and Sam won’t pick it up.”

In response, Sam only glanced over barely able to do that and patted his stomach relishing in that small window of food coma and no speaking.

“Ah, now I get why one foot is off the couch while the other isn’t.”

Bucky nodded, sighing softly as his eyes closed, swinging his other foot off the floor and into Steve’s lap. The blond switched to that foot, tenderly pressing his thumb along the bottom of his bare foot, pausing to realize he was indeed missing a sock which was also under the table. He didn’t ask, instead he watched Bucky snuggle into the couch further, folding his arms over his chest and his eyes glazed over, his belly button peaking out from under a t-shirt like it was taunting Steve at its damn cuteness.

He stared for a minuscule amount of time, sipping his coffee innocently until there was a sound of a throat clearing and _shit_ was all that popped into his head when he was met with Sam’s ‘disapproving dad’ face and the only answer Steve had was a lopsided half smile.

It only took about ten minutes for Sam to finally release a heavy sigh and scooped the remote off the floor so he could watch something else. He quickly found a basketball game and Bucky huffed softly, picking himself up to sit. 

Immediately Steve panicked at the thought of Bucky moving out of the room but he only got off the couch to grab a book off the shelf, hopping back on the couch. He found where he left off and laid back out, resting his head in Steve’s lap glancing up to make sure it was okay. 

Steve only brought his fingers through his brown hair and Bucky settled in with a soft happy sigh. He wondered if this was what happiness felt like, body stretched out long and Steve’s trimmed nails lightly scratching along his scalp with a book in his hand, everything was so simple for a second and it was nice even if it wasn’t going to last. He held out for as long as life would let him.

 

This was their last cooking class all together but Bucky didn’t feel anything about it. Maybe he would have if they all hadn’t become friends and an excuse to meet in one room would have been gone but now that they were all getting along and spending time together it was more of a fun evening for him, pulling the top of the apron on around his neck. 

He felt a warm body move in behind him, his hands moving to tie the back strings but they were already gathered up and tied together into a cute little bow around his waist and he smiled to himself a little before turning his head to look over his shoulder, “Were you waiting for me to put on my apron just so you could tie that?”

Steve smirked, it was too fucking dangerous, his cool blue eyes staring at him like he was stalking prey as he moved to stand beside him, his apron already on and tied back..or maybe that was just Bucky. He didn’t know what it was about Steve wearing the apron or smiling in that apron or the fact that Bucky was picturing him in nothing _but_ the apron which he could so easily do with that one little mistake Stark had made, thank you so much Tony, but _hell_ with Sam’s party and the hospital visit, it had been two weeks without Steve in it and he didn’t know how fucking riled up it was getting him til just this moment.

Not to mention Steve himself, the person beside him. Steve was doing _things_ today. He couldn’t quite explain it. After Sam ducked out to head to do some errands before class, Steve was there alone with him which was normal, it was okay. He was attentive, heck he was attentive while Sam was there but this attentive was different, petting him, rubbing his feet that all happened with a witness, without one Steve coaxed him to sit up for him so he could move and all of a sudden he was cradled between Steve’s legs while he was watching something on television and Bucky tried not to reveal how fast his heart was racing. He was reading the same line over and over again in his book, the idea of Steve’s dick pressed against his lower back was doing things to him, it wasn’t like his friend was hard or anything but the simple idea was exciting Bucky. 

Or maybe he was just needing to get laid. 

Of course that was when Steve shifted a little to lean back a bit more and thus led Bucky to lean back a bit as well and he so very wanted to wiggle against him, do something ‘accidental’ to get him interested, seduce him or even convince those strong artists hands to slide down his body and into his pants. 

God how much he wanted that.

Instead Bucky pulled the thin blanket over them and he propped his knees up to hide the partial boner he was sporting which only got worse when the object of his affection was running his index and middle finger along his outer arm absently. Steve had found Funniest Home Videos playing on some channel and occasionally he was laughing so he wasn’t paying attention to him yet he was touching him so lightly it took a lot for Bucky not to rub himself against him like a cat in heat. 

He sighed helplessly at the recollection. Bless Sarah Rogers where ever she was for a perfect specimen of a son but he quietly prayed she came down from the heavens to bean him right in the head for this level of torture.

He forced his licentious thoughts aside, picking up the small report cover that kept the recipes inside, flipping through them to see what was in store for the day. That was when Steve decided to dance to some poppy tune on the radio while he was chatting with Sam, snapping his fingers on one hand while his ass had a mind of its own and swayed back and forth ever so subtly to the beat but it was happening, _oh lord_ it was happening for Bucky too. He stormed out of the classroom and ran straight for the bathrooms to drown his face in ice cold water before shit got worse.

When he came back, Steve was back at their workstation and he needed a minute, leaning back against the wall taking a moment for himself, away from Steve’s clean soapy scent, away from the heat radiating off him, away from him entirely. 

He just needed a god damn fucking second.

“Don’t you look ruffled.”

Clint leaned against the wall beside him, chewing away at an apple, looking in Steve’s direction watching him read, a finger grazing over the papers while his shoulders were gently going along with the music playing in the background.

“Clint, I need to fuck him.”

“You know that convo we had about too much information?”

“No, you don’t understand, I _really_ need to fuck his brains out. He’s driving me insane, literally. God he looks so good in that apron.”

Side eyeing him worriedly, Clint took another bite of his apple, watching the intense gaze he was giving to Steve’s ass. 

“Did uh, something happen? No wait, don’t tell me..he sleep humped you didn’t he? I knew it was gonna happen.”

A low sigh escaped his friend, “No, he didn’t do that. We both get kinda morning stuff you know but I think we mutually move away. He hasn’t ‘sleep humped’ me as you call it, not yet, wish he did. He could totally do that or awake hump me.”

“Then what?”

“I don’t know, does it look like _I_ know anything with him lately?”

“Okay, okay. So what happened different?”

“Nothing, wait he had a bad dream and he was all clingy but _damn_ this is worse than the last time.”

Clint could only shrug.

“I need to get laid."

“Whoa wait, didn’t you get laid Monday night? You texted Nat that pic of that random hot jock dude’s ass in bed at like two in the morning and said you weren't done with him. Which by the way, thank you for not taking a shot where you came on him or something because ew. I do agree though, he has an impressive backend and Natasha mentioned you were tired because you guys were doing it for _hours_."

Bucky made a small noise, smirking at the memory, that was until Steve bent over the table to fold his arms over the surface to read some more. Bucky did everything but moan, drawing in a deep breath, “Apparently I need to get more laid because _dammit Rogers_. I think I should give Jo a call and do it all over his penthouse like the other time.”

“Don’t forget to rehydrate.”

“ _Yeah_ , we know what happened last time someone forgot to rehydrate.”

Clint smirked, trying to hold back a laugh.

 

By the time class started, most of the group knew the drill and had arrived early, two focaccia bread dough’s mixed together and ready for kneading before introductions started. Sam himself had his own dough prepared and showed everyone a review on how to knead in case anyone forgot, rambling off about incorporating gluten and then moving on to talk about creme brulee and how extraordinarily easy it was to make as well as the traditional all American apple pie recipe he had lined up among the other couple of desserts he planned.

Steve’s face was all business, writing down notes like he did during every class if he could remember doing it, watching the demonstrations with keen interest, the only time so far where he wasn’t trying to hug or grab Bucky or pitch some over the top flirty joke towards him. It also gave Bucky‘s libido a chance to relax, harmlessly looking at how involved his friend was, he liked it when it was quiet like this, a chance to look without Steve having his own ideas to look back.

Sam let them loose and he looked away before blue eager eyes gazed over, “So what should I do?”

“Now you just have to knead it, like last time with the pizza dough just like Sam showed you.”

Steve gave him a nod doing as he was told though it seemed like it was incorrect when Bucky made a exasperated sound next to him. He moved his hands over the dough, arms pressing against Steve’s arm, “You gotta turn it and then do it again or else you’ll form the gluten on only one side.”

Bucky wiggled his hip into Steve’s side to get more leverage and the blond only laughed, pushing back into him, “This focaccia is gonna be extremely kneaded, but that’s okay it’s needed in my stomach.”

Bucky gave him a pointed look, “That was absolutely horrible. You can go sleep on the couch tonight.”

“Buck, no!” He managed to wail out, feigning sadness before he couldn’t contain his laughter over his own stupid joke. 

“Finish kneading this and start your stupid ass on the next one while I try to erase the last five minutes of my life because of your dumb joke and get the scones sorted out.”

“Yes Sir.”

Bucky turned to take the empty mixing bowl to the flour bin, freezing at the words to turn and glare at his friend expecting an asshole grin but he got nothing, Steve too busy focused on the task at hand and Bucky wasn’t sure if he was playing a joke on him or not. He chose to ignore it, albeit with a cloud now over his head, getting the ingredients with a scowl across his face.

He cut the chilled butter into small cubes when he returned, grabbing a few blueberries to pop in his mouth, Steve’s hip bumping into his to stop him from doing it again and he looked over in confusion.

“Stop eating the stuff for our scones.”

Now it was Bucky’s turn to pout, big eyes staring at him making himself look as cute as he could, “But _Steve_.”

Steve had no idea if it was just him or the collection of industrial ovens on all at once but looking at Bucky was driving him to say or do things he was sure he wouldn’t have done on a regular basis during class. He latched on to him, something comforting and safe after the nightmare, something so very good that was there for him. All his acting up only made Steve want to pull him up and hug him tight, though he tried his best to press on.

“No, then we won’t have blueberry scones, just regular ones and you’d have to go explain to Sam why they’re plain.”

Bucky shrugged, reaching for more, “That’s fine with me.”

He laughed, snatched at his friend’s hand, “Stop, no. Stop it, you’ll regret not having blueberry in them later, trust me.”

A soft playful smirk reached Bucky’s lips, slipping his hand away to press a slightly butter stained finger against Steve’s nose, “Fine. I’ll be good.”

Steve crinkled his nose and leaned in without warning, ducking his head to rub his face into Bucky’s apron to get it off hearing a small surprised yelp above him before hands shoved him away, “Don’t get my apron dirty!”

“That’s what they’re for though.”

“Still..” Bucky took popped another blueberry in his mouth, “I could have still tried to keep it clean.”

“Nah,” Steve turned to the focaccia, covering them up to rise, a suggestive smirk appearing across his lips, “You’re way too dirty to be clean.”

Bucky side eyed him, “Wouldn’t you like to know.”

And that was where Steve had to stop because Bucky’s teasing nature was going to get the blond in trouble, he was pretty sure of it. Instead he slid the recipe along the table surface, “So show me what I should do.”

“Do you know how to use a pastry blender?”

“What’s that?”

“You’re so lucky you’re hot. Seriously.” He grumbled out with a shake of his head rummaging around their tools and found one, holding it up, “You hold it at the top and basically cut the butter into the dry ingredients, it’ll help get pea sized bits of butter distributed evenly so when you bake it it causes the crust to be flakey and light, got it?”

Bucky tried to ignore the cute way too interested look Steve was giving him because his brain was translating it to something so fucking dirty he was going to get himself in trouble. He turned away with a fake cough and watched him give it a go, tossing all the butter in to get to work. He gave himself a few seconds to linger over Steve’s hands before he felt his face warming over, grabbing the small thing of blueberries to eat a handful and shuffle towards Sam, holding it out talking with his mouthful, “More please?”

Sam turned, raising a brow, “Really? You aren’t a special case that can go about eating all the ingredients that look good you know.”

Pouting with his brows pushing for adorably sad still holding out the bowl, his friend could only loudly sigh to make a point that obviously Bucky wasn’t going to take, filling his dish to the brim from a blueberry box, “Don’t eat all these, it’s the last of it okay?”

Bucky nodded, taking it back, “Thanks Sammy.”

Putting his hands on his hips, Sam frowned, “Don’t call me that when you’re begging for food.”

He flashed him a grin, heading back towards Steve, his free hand gathering a handful to put in his mouth and another loud sigh came out of the brunette disapprovingly, “Like he’s not even listening to me. Damn.”

Steve proudly held out the bowl, “Done.”

“Okay I got more blueberries but don’t eat any because Sam was being a tight wad about it. We can mix that with the liquids and we’re good to go. You want me to do it? Your meaty paws might crush the fruit when we have to form the dough.”

“You make it sound like I crush kittens on my spare time instead of art.”

“You might, I’m not with you all the time.”

Steve shook his head, picking up the milk with a shake of his head, “You’re an ass.”

“Yeah but I’m your ass.”

He nodded in agreement watching Bucky upend the bowl over the lightly floured table surface after mixing everything in, forming the dough out quickly with some quick kneading. He shaped it out into a circle and grabbed one of the cutting knives to cut out eight equal triangles, placing them meticulously on the baking sheet. He watched him head over to the ovens to put it in turning to see a few stray blueberries he snuck into his mouth, “What did you call me again at the cafe?”

Bucky glanced over in thought, turning back to clean up their area while Steve cleaned up the flour, “You mean mon petit lapin?”

Steve let it sink in, the way the accent rolled off Bucky’s tongue before he nodded, looking over himself, “Yeah, I mean, I’m not very small.”

“Maybe your shirts are.” He mused back at him, finally just giving him a small shrug, “I like it, sometimes there’s no real rhyme or reason to my logic, I just feel. Do you not like it?”

He shook his head, “No I never meant that. I don’t mind I was just curious, I kinda like it.”

A curious look crossed Bucky’s features when their eyes met, “Really?”

Steve only nodded back, “Yeah Buck. Now show me how to actually make a creme brulee because Sam said something about not wanting your dish tasting like scrambled eggs and I’m an expert at those so please help a wreck like out.”

“Well it wasn’t like I wasn’t going to anyway but now you’re just buttering me up. What do you want Rogers?” 

“Nothing! Nothing at all, I promise. Except that maybe Sunday we could finish off the work?”

Bucky turned a little and punched him hard in the arm, Steve crying out in surprise.

“Why did you hit me?!”

“Because you’re stupid.”

“ _I’m_ stupid?”

“Yeah, you know I would do it anyway whenever you were ready, I’m serious don’t worry about asking me. I had fun Steve even if I spaced out. I was, trust me on that. I like doing things for you.”

Steve smiled at him, his face felt warm and his skin tingled. He had to take a second to breathe but everything felt like how it was supposed to go, like there was a calm to his world after feeling so torn that morning. He was so grateful and wanted to keep that momentum even if he couldn’t control everything in the world. He shoved it aside for the time being, turning his focus on the next recipe instead.

 

“Okay just stick those in the oven in the bain-marie when you’re done with the raspberries then I can start peeling these.”

Steve watched Bucky set out the apples for their pie, “What’s a bain-marie?”

“You didn’t hear Sam? Figured you wrote them down in your little notebook. It’s basically just a water bath to cook at an even, slower temperature.”

“I do, he just breaks out in story sometimes and then I forget I was writing notes. At least I got you since you know a lot about technique.”

“Some, not a lot, you would too if you soaked in the stuff Sam’s teaching you, you know for cooking class, but I guess I can teach you more at your place if you like.”

“Or..you could just make me more of those orgasm in my mouth cupcakes I love.”

Bucky looked at him, a smile trying to break out, “‘Orgasm in my mouth’ cupcakes?”

He nodded, “They’re so good.”

“You’re a dork.”

Steve tilted his head with a cheeky smile knowing Bucky would make them for him, “I love you too Honey.”

Bucky had to stop and stare at him for a long moment, shaking his head with a smirk, “What the heck is wrong with you today?”

The three of them leaned against the demo desk watching Steve snake his arm around Bucky’s waist trying to distract him from peeling the apples. Bucky elbowed him playfully and Steve pressed his head against his friend’s shoulder to muffle a laugh.

“What the hell is _wrong_ with him?” Sam stared, trying to exactly figure out Steve’s motives at the moment.

“Maybe he finally doesn’t care?” Clint supplied helpfully.

Natasha shook her head, examining her nails in boredom, “You’re both wrong. He’s attention seeking. Him and Tony had another fight.”

“Yeah I know they did, but he’s had fights with him before and they went out to a luncheon too, this morning he said he was a little raw about it still but this? Whatever it is, he’s sure laying it on thick right now.”

Nodding her head, Natasha made an agreeable sound, “Maybe they took it to another level.”

“Uh, hello. Another level means they’re having sex, correct?”

Sam adamantly shook his head at Clint before Natasha could answer, “Not necessarily. Steve and Bucky are on another planet with their friendship. I said it before and I’ll say it again, these two are _weird_ together. Maybe they’re starting to show what happens when we don’t see them.”

“Bucky did mention Steve had a bad dream and was extra clingy, maybe this is run off?”

Clint stared at the pair of them for a second, watching Bucky holding back from touching Steve but leaning against his arm which ended up going around his ribs. 

“And are we sure this isn’t some animal magnetism thing going on? Bucky mentioned he was totally horny for him, maybe Steve’s picking up on it.”

Natasha cuffed the side of his head, “This is why you need to not speak sometimes.”

Sam waggled his finger at Clint, “No, no he might have a point. Not entirely the animal attraction thing but the whole reading signals and his clingy habits. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think they’re going to do anything but maybe he’s more affectionate around him because of it.”

Natasha gave them both a look, “Why do I suddenly feel like we’re a part of a nature documentary?”

“I could find us some safari hats.”

Laughing, Sam could only shake his head watching the pair of them work through the small break. Sam had to admit they were cute, sort of _really_ cute. He always thought that when he watched them in their element of whatever bubble they lived in. Bucky had an unguarded way about him around Steve and Steve was the same, he kind of felt bad thinking this but sometimes his best friend didn’t seem completely himself around Tony. It wasn’t an obvious difference, nothing where he would think he’d have to pull Steve aside and ask him what was up, it was just this _thing_ he couldn’t quite put his finger on. Like something had come back with being around Bucky that had been gone temporarily. 

Bucky held up a slice of apple and Steve took a bite, the rest going into his own mouth. Steve was supposed to be mixing the rest of the filling together but he was going absent minded, a pinch of salt turned into a spoon and a half spoon of cinnamon turned into a pinch. Icing sugar instead of granulated and Bucky only smiled fondly at him holding out the handle of the knife, “Here, you finish cutting the apples, I’ll do the filling.”

Steve only nodded, screwing his mouth up a little in mild embarrassment and Bucky lightly pressed his forehead against his shoulder in affection like everything was okay that he fucked up. The thing was that it always did the trick and Steve sighed at how at ease Bucky made him, turning slightly to press a kiss on the crown of his head in appreciation. 

Sam almost dropped his coffee, “He just kissed him! He just..guys. _Guys_. He just- ”

Clint picked up the thick recipe binder behind him and fanned his friend with it, Natasha softly taking a free hand to pat it, “Shh, it’s okay.”

“Geez they broke him.”

Clearing his throat he looked at Natasha pointedly then at Clint, “You two saw that, right?”

They both nodded in confirmation and he leaned his back harder against the demo counter, “These two are going to be the death of me. I didn’t ask for any of this. I’m going on the record here, Sam Wilson asked for none of this stress and mess.”

Putting the binder back Clint grinned, “But think about it, this is better than any soap you’ve seen.”

“That’s true but lately I’ve been watching those telenovelas and they’re no joke. Can’t understand a word but sometimes you just don’t have to. I really hope this doesn’t turn into one of those.”

Natasha raised a perfectly shaped brow, “You sure you don’t want to see Stark overdramatically throw his arms around and throw out nonsense?”

Sam locked eyes with her, “Trust me, when you’ve known him for as long as I have. Everything is overdramatic. That man is a telenovela, I love him but if he’s not making a scene something’s wrong or he’s trying to do something sneaky.”

He gestured to the pair before them, “And those two, at this rate, we’re gonna get some grade A drama if they don’t cut it out.”

 

Bucky managed to get through almost the rest of the cooking class in tact, some minor hiccups caused Steve to burn some of the sugar when he was using the small kitchen blow torch to crust the tops of their brulee, he almost forgot to separate the egg yolks from the whites for their mousse and Bucky realized he wasn’t kidding about his scrambled eggs comment. 

He adored Steve, he did but he made sure to never leave him alone with sharp objects while he was away. He also happened to avoid getting any more dancing rear ends or any other event that left him uncomfortable downstairs which was a miracle in itself. It also seemed he was laying off a bit on his need to be close which was also something he was grateful for since his dick didn’t help in that matter either. 

And the apple pie? Yeah Steve wasn’t kidding about being in love with the apple pie, the only time Bucky had to watch in pure horror and internal screaming after his partner moaned unabashedly with a hand dramatically pressed to his upper chest after one bite. Bucky scrambled to grab a hold of any self control he had left and Steve practically ate most of the dessert out of the pie plate without realizing it he was that into it. At least Bucky got in a few large bites after stealing the fork he was using, the still warm pie heating him up from the inside out and he had to admit, it was really good, it was a shame they didn’t have any left to take back home.

He talked to Clint and Nat while they packed up and headed out the door, Sam asking Steve to hang back with him and their friend had a look of seriousness that Bucky couldn’t entirely pinpoint but it seemed like it was important. He decided to leave them to it and tag along with his friends to the parking lot.

“Okay so, I really need to know this before you leave.”

Steve raised his head in curiosity, “Yeah?”

“You are well aware you kissed him right? Not a light kiss that could be lips brushing. You _kissed_ him, lips connected to his head, pressure landed, lips lingering and all that.”

Shaking his head with a chuckle, Steve began collecting the unused take out containers, “You sound like you’re pitching for a romance novel.”

“ _Steve_!”

Steve stopped, drawing in a low breath, “Yeah, I kissed him. We have a thing. He kissed me yesterday and- ”

“He What?!”

They both paused and Steve gestured him to keep his voice down, Sam giving him dagger eyes, but lowered himself a bit, “He did what?”

“My cheek. He kissed my cheek, you remember yesterday I made him that chicken and those chocolate chip muffins you taught me how to make. He kissed my cheek and he freaked out. Panicked and apologized, I told him not to hold back around me. I told him I get that it’s a friend thing, I _know_ how people look at us sometimes and assume we’re boyfriends. That girl at the farmers market selling jams even thought we were but I don’t mind letting them think that. We’re good friends, what’s wrong with hugs and kisses and all that? We’re not hurting each other, and maybe it’s not a normal friendship like you and I but he takes care of me and I take care of him, it’s special. He’s special and I respect him, I care about him Sam. Ignore my feelings, put those aside, I still feel like he helps me. I don’t get depressed, I’ve been painting more, I’ve been getting out of my shell a little. Everything has been positive.”

Sam stared at him for a long moment, letting it all sink in before he drew in a breath, “Dammit Steve. Okay. Okay _okay_. This is my first attempt, officially, and I know this won’t be the last because you’re as stubborn as a mule but as your best friend I’m letting you know how deep in the pool you’re getting.”

“But Sam, it’s okay! Bucky doesn’t feel like that, we’re just really good friends!”

If it was only that easy.

“Steve. I know I don’t have to tell you how you’re clearly starting to show signs of emotional intimacy with him right? I know you, you would never cheat but while saying that, now I’m starting to get this remarkable idea you clearly only meant physically. Kissing him on the cheek or on the head _can_ be seen as friendly but it’s you and Bucky, how would Tony feel? How would _you_ feel if he did that to Bruce, or even James? I’ve seen you get annoyed when Tony gets a little too drunk and does a lap dance for James in front of everyone as a joke.”

Sam paused and he knew Steve was listening but that jaw was setting with a corner of his lip twitching and those eyes were growing steely with faint traces of mild irritation. 

Stubborn as a mule.

“It’s not like that Sam.”

“So this is all clearly platonic and none of it is you replacing Tony with Bucky when you feel lonely?”

“Of course not, I’m not replacing Tony. You know full well I wouldn’t do that.”

Sam folded his arms over his chest, “And what happens if Bucky starts falling for you? He cares about you, if that ends up developing into something else, then what?”

All Steve could do was shrug helplessly, “I guess we have to tackle that hump if it happens. Really Sam, he would rather not be in a committed and he knows I couldn’t be in an open one even if I wanted to leave Tony.”

Samuel Thomas Wilson was not a violent man. Today Steve was testing that.

Bucky stuck his head into the classroom, “You two done chit-chatting? Nat and Clint are gone home."

Steve reached over with a gentle hand, patting his friend on the shoulder, his face softening a bit, “Look, I know you’re looking out for me but I really have this under control, _we_ have this under control. Nothing’s going to go wrong, I promise.”

He gave his friend one more assured smile and grabbed the bag of leftovers, jogging towards Bucky with a grin, “Yep, we’re done. Night Sam!”

“See you tomorrow Sam!” 

Watching them leave, Sam flashed a strained smile and gave a small wave, “See you two later.”

He really hoped Steve was right on this one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations, please don’t go stabbity if they’re incorrect.
> 
> French:  
> Merci - Thank you  
> Avec plaisir - With pleasure  
> Mon petit lapin - my little rabbit/bunny  
> Il est dix minutes pour votre nourriture - It's ten minutes for your food.  
> Voici. Saumon avec Puree de Celeri et Poulet Duroc. Bon appetit! - Here you go, Salmon with Mashed Celery and Chicken Duroc. Enjoy your meal!"
> 
> Romanian:  
> Este bine sa va faceti griji - It is good to worry.  
> Imi pasa de el atat de mult - I care about him so much.  
> Am nevoie de tine mai mult decat stii - I need you more than you know.


	16. Stop calling me Captain Hotass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha has a conversation with Steve, politely of course. Bucky finds playing the good guy mildly difficult and it only ends up backfiring on him. The Halloween party leads to a domino effect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't do a pic/gif set for this chapter, it was a costume collage and instead I got lazy about it and kind of ended up adding more to the story instead of working on it which I'm sure is okay but yeah sorry if anyone likes 'em. ^_^;;
> 
> \- Um, also there is a Bucky is blasphemous tag I had up pretty much at the start, it kinda goes with this chapter, and with some chars so like heed the Halloween party with that, I mean no offense.  
> \- Winterstorm happenings.  
> \- Sorry for the feels. As said by Sam Jackson, "Hold onto your butts."

**Late October, 2015**  
  
  


Ever since Steve had his nightmare about his mother, Bucky noticed he was extra sensitive to attaching himself to Bucky’s side, not that he minded. He made the effort to show up through half of his shift at Nick’s and noticed how worn and slightly unhappy he looked. Of course Natasha made it her job to point out how much of a complete knob Steve turned into once he appeared at every moment she could while he was out of earshot from Bucky, amusing herself through the day shift the best way she knew how. Bucky tried his best to roll his eyes and pretend that the teasing wasn’t making him feel a little awkward, a little stupid bubbly and just a little needed. She only gave him a smile and a light kiss on the cheek, eventually setting off to get him some food. 

Sam joined near the end of their shift, the plan was to head out to the bookstore for some coffee and to wait out the end of Clint’s work shift, everyone getting together for Natasha’s to watch a movie. While at Nick's though Steve sat pressed beside Bucky in the back booth seats when he wasn’t busy or followed after him with his gaze like a lost puppy. 

Sam figured yesterday’s chat wasn’t going to make much of a difference with Steve, on the upside he seemed to be pulling back at least a little, he couldn’t say it looked worse because it didn’t. He was actually acting as professional as he possibly could after being in this mode he always got into after a bad dream; private memories filling his head when his best friend had lived with him, fond closeness he enjoyed doling out for Steve when he was feeling extra clingy, staying close to the first person that tended to him in the aftermath. He had been a part of it and so had Tony, now he could see how Bucky would naturally be next in line for it. Not that it would be a good thing if Stark showed up, of course, but for Sam, as long as Steve was coping and dealing in a way that wasn’t hurting himself and wasn’t _so bad_ , he was happy.

The light rain drizzled down over them, Natasha and Bucky getting out of her car while Steve got out of Sam’s; the weather gave no grace before a noisy wind swept past them and it had started to pelt down even harder. Bucky only stared up, letting the fat drops fall against his face and Steve quickly reached out, tugging him along, Sam and Nat already heading inside ahead of them. 

They all gathered in and away from the sudden downpour, Bucky turning to look at it, mesmerized at how heavy it was coming down, Clint grinned at them from the counter, “Enjoying the weather?”

Shaking his coat out, Sam grinned wide, “As long as I’m in here warm and not out there, I’m good.”

“What you all need are some coffees.”

“Smartest thing you ever said Barton.” Bucky joked, finally turning around with a wink.

Natasha went to claim their usual seats at the couches by the little fireplace, Clint jogging off to take his break and sit with her after ringing up the order Sam took the liberty to place. 

Bucky turned to look at the new books they had on sale, a warm frame gathering up beside him nestling so close to him he felt the brush of beard hairs along his shoulder. He had come to a self conclusion that by the time the party rolled in, he would be back his own self. That or he was going to have Stark self destruct in a very public venue and he really hoped that wasn’t going to happen.

“Drinks for..a Black Widow, Vanilla Crusher, um Chocolaccino and Captain Hotass..?”

Sam’s hand immediately shot up, "Chocolaccino right here!”

Bucky raised a brow, “Okay, Steve’s definitely Captain Hotass, but why am I Vanilla Crusher?”

“A birdy told me,” He took a sip of his drink wisely after unwrapping one of the straws just as Steve was flashing him a dirty look to shut his mouth and trying his damnedest not to throw his mug of caramel macchiato at Sam's face to shut him up which Sam probably wouldn't have taken seriously anyway because really, he's _Steve's_ friend and they were both stubborn as hell when it came to embarrassing the other. “That you have killer thighs.”

Taking his mocha frappuccino, Bucky smirked at Steve, “Talking about my thighs are we, Captain Hotass?”

Trying to refrain from massively blushing wasn’t working for him this time around, rolling his eyes at the both of them, “Stop calling me Captain Hotass and I merely said you have the power to choke a man.”

“I don’t know why you sound so negative Steve, I mean if I was into Bucky, I’d love to be smothered by his thighs if you know what I mean.”

Steve did indeed know what he meant and while Bucky laughed and walked along side his best friend, he trailed behind both of them trying to burn holes into Sam’s skull with his eyes.

“And please, do not make me bring up how many times you and hot ass are in the same sentence, put it together and you got Captain Hotass and it’s very fitting Steve, really it is.”

Bucky parked down on the arm of the couch, glancing at Steve with a gaze he couldn’t quite pick up on, “He’s right you know, it’s pretty hot.”

“You do have a hot ass Steve.” Clint chimed in, giving him a grin before sipping his coffee that he grabbed before them. He slung his arm around Natasha’s shoulder, while she took her drink order from Sam and she raised her green eyes, giving both blonds an agreeable nod.

Opening his mouth to reply, he only jumped forward when Sam spanked his butt so hard it stung a little and everyone burst out laughing. He laughed too, a second after pressing his hand at the spot, “You got a heavy hand Sam, dammit.”

The brunette grinned, dropping down on the couch, “Ya gotta feel it Cap!”

Natasha raised a brow finally reading her cup, “Black Widow?"

A grin reached Sam’s ears, “It seemed fitting. Beauty and charm but you eat them alive. If you didn’t have a boyfriend of course.”

Clint smirked, raising his coffee appreciatively.

Tony jogged out of Stark Tower under the cover of darkness with a black ball cap and a hastily pulled over black hoodie with some sunglasses even though it was pouring outside, grumbling to himself about umbrellas and inventing something built in that would cut out the forgetting part altogether. The large massively stocked bookstore with the coffee shop located inside was only a stone’s throw away, okay maybe a little farther especially without an umbrella or a driver to take because you know he wanted to be on his own and walk for some god awful reason and he decided to take a break of fresh air, Steve’s random mention of possibly being there didn’t really cross his mind and if he was there, he could always just stop for a hello. 

He wound through the wet, puddle laden parking lot, the building illuminated warm golden light from inside, all the walls of the two floor building were glass, a clear picture of the interior with shelves and walls covered from top to bottom with books for sale, people scattered all over in armchairs or couches reading, at the coffee shop sitting to the far right hand corner with bistro chairs and to the far left where the cash registers sat for the buyers. As his eyes scanned over the center of the main floor, the tingle of familiarity hit him and he saw Steve sitting in one of the armchairs at the end of two long couches with a coffee table in the center. Wilson and Romanoff seated on the couch side by side laughing about something Steve had said while his boyfriend carried on through his laughter, gesturing eagerly with his hands.

Tony’s phone went off, ‘Wannabe’ playing as his ringtone.

"Where are you?"

"Outside in the parking lot."

"The parking lot? Didn't you leave for coffee twenty minutes ago?"

"I did."

"So..?"

"Uh, change of plans?"

Bruce released a loud sigh, "What _change of plans_ , Tony?"

"Well, I was going through the parking lot and now I'm hanging out and enjoying the cool crisp weather here. Can't blame a man for wanting to enjoy the perfect drops of rain can you?"

" _Tony_."

"Alright, _alright_. Steve just happens to be there with his merry band of friends."

"And? Isn't that good? Pretty sure his friends are your friends?"

"I don't know yet if that's a good assumption since most of these friends are more Barnes' circle of friends. Well it’s half and half.."

"Okay I'm tired of riddles. Can you come back with an order of my special blend or not. I'm seriously close to hanging up on you and settling for pekoe or some instant because you can't go inside and say hello to them all."

“My you’re snappy today Banner, you need another yoga break.”

“And _you_ need to stop stalking your boyfriend.”

Tony sputtered, sounding appalled that that was even an idea Bruce would throw out, “I’m doing no such thing, I am merely judging the correct way to encroach the situation, they may be busy with something I shouldn’t be privvy to, you don’t know, also I might add that is he a little on the leave me alone side of the conversation at this moment since I said something backwards about his _friend_ and roses didn’t entirely forgive it. Neither did that luncheon.”

Bruce let out a loud and strained sigh over the phone, “Do people these days even say the word privvy? Maybe you should go do something about him not talking to you then? I’ll call you in about five minutes, please have some kind of progress instead of lurking in the parking lot while it’s raining.”

Instead of listening, Tony trolled the lot for a good bit of time, hitting the red button on his phone when Bruce promptly called back like he said he would watching the group through the rain washed windows. He wasn’t exactly stalking per say, he was more not sure how to get inside and place an order without being seen and he wasn’t entirely sure he was really inclined to say hello after Steve’s bouts of cold shoulder the past couple of days after the whole waiting room incident. He was a little curious and quite content being outside in the cold and he was sticking to that. Not like he really wanted to join them, they all seemed to be having a boring group session of coffee and reading books, Steve sitting on his own with Bucky on one couch completely concentrated on a story while Natasha and Sam sat together talking to Steve across from them. 

“Maybe I’m just overreacting..” He let out under his breath, shoveling his hands deeper into his pockets, Bucky getting up from his seat, pointing at everyone before setting off towards the coffee counter.

The phone rang again and Tony supposed it was time to get back before Bruce punched a new wall out or something overdramatic like that, holding the call to his ear, “Yes Honey?”

Bruce sighed loudly and deeply, “Are you finally finished ignoring my calls? Are you done stalking?”

“I wasn’t stalking, merely observing in a public space.”

“Funny how you sound exactly like a stalker right now.”

Bucky came back, grinning as he held up the last slice of the brownie, bright eyed and breathless, “I think I beat some hipster chick for it, she gave me a _real_ dirty look when I was walking- ”

He felt Steve pull at his free arm, causing him to fall into his lap, glancing over at him in slight surprise, brows going into his hairline, “Hey.”

Steve smiled at him, “Hey.”

A shrug escaped Bucky, he couldn’t really complain, he liked where he was and it wasn’t like it was the first time he had ever been on Steve’s lap. Turning back to Sam and Natasha, he continued on with his story, “Anyway, she was giving me a real dirty look when I was walking away and that just makes getting the last piece much more delicious.”

He proudly took a bite, feeling Steve’s arms snake loosely around his waist, the soft weight of his chin resting against his shoulder. Almost naturally, he shifted the brownie to the side for Steve, not looking when there was a momentary pressure taking in a mouthful before he brought it back to his mouth to take another bite. 

“Whoa, hey! _Excuse me_!” Tony waved his hand towards the building though he was too far to really attract any attention all of a sudden cutting Bruce off in the middle of his lecture about breaking some sort of law even if he was Tony Stark. He almost dropped the phone, swooping his hands in a pantomime gesture of juggling before holding it to his ear again but not talking, eyes narrowing.

“Tony?”

“Do I sit on your lap Bruce, I mean we’re good friends aren’t we?” He could hear his voice elevating, earning Banner’s full attention.

“Uh, what’s going on?”

He couldn’t take his eyes off the pair of them, so sappy and _sweet_. 

Natasha nodded with a small smile, resting her arms across her lap. She held out a book, addressing it to Sam, “Have you read this one?”

Sam turned his body on the couch to sit sideways, giving her all his attention, “Is it the one about the two stupid people in love?”

“That would be the one.”

“I have, been reading the cliff’s notes on it, really obvious plot though the characters seem completely oblivious to it. Right Steve?”

The pair looked over at Steve and Bucky, the brunette’s face tucked into a book while he curled against Steve who leaned back into the oversized armchair to read over his shoulder. His arms absently resting on the outside of Bucky’s thighs, fingers lightly playing at the seam of his jeans by his knees. 

Sam gave Natasha a look, silently letting out a sigh and a roll of his eyes. Natasha shrugged, a smile on her face, not completely on board with it but biding her time on it.

Tony had half a mind to rush in and raise a stink, Sam and Natasha smirking or smiling at each other he couldn’t entirely tell from where he was, pointing at them like it would deliver a quite painful curse, “Those assholes!”

“If you could explain to me what’s going on Tony, we could work this out together since from your breathing I can tell you’re most likely pacing.”

“I’m _pacing_ because you told me I’m stalking for no reason or rhyme to it when Wilson and Romanoff are watching my, _my_ dear beloved boyfriend Steve Rogers pull his sweet innocent best friend onto his lap while they all have coffee and laugh it up. Oh but I’m _sure_ there’s a good explanation for this right because I feel like Bruce Banner has great explanations for why there are plenty for seats to sit on but Barnes is quite fine with sitting on _his_ lap of all places!”

Okay so Bruce didn’t have all the answers, his fingers pushing aside a chart he had been looking over prior, fingers drumming over the counter top.

“ _Well_?”

He tried his best not to roll his eyes at Tony, “I’m thinking Tony, let me think.” He supposed an angry impatient huff was better than Tony hanging up the phone and quite possibly causing a scene, his hand reaching up to scratch lightly at the three day old stubble against his chin. 

“We don’t know the circumstance really.” Bruce already knew how much of a cop out answer that was. In all honesty he was a little surprised at Steve especially because of how devoted he was to Tony and something like this never seemed to cross his mind, it left him a little flabbergasted. 

There was only one think he could think of, “Tony, this might be a wake up call for you.”

Stark had been planning to storm in, grab a coffee and dump it down Barnes’ shirt, lap whatever he could get, maybe it would burn his dick off if he was lucky. His pacing was winding him up and the more he looked towards everyone the angrier he felt except Bruce’s words stopped him not wanting to admit how much it made sense. 

“Aren’t you supposed to be working Banner?”

“Aren’t you?”

He scowled, kicking his foot at someone’s tire, “I’ll be there soon. No blend for you today.”

Bruce made a small sound in confirmation, falling back into a chair letting out a relieved sigh for averting a major crisis, “I found some pekoe, I can settle for that.”

  


Clint came around after his work shift, fixing his hair with his hand and his hoodie hanging off his arm, “Alright, I’m off for the night, where’s Buck- _Oh_.”

Everyone looked up as the blond stood beside Steve’s armchair, a lopsided grin across his face and Bucky raised his brows in confusion looking up from his book, “What?”

He only shook his head, pressing his lips together, turning to look at Sam and Natasha with a look usually reserved for the both of them.

Bucky kind of got an idea from his face what was up, pushing himself off Steve’s lap to stretch his legs. It was nice sitting there but it was Steve, he didn’t know how long he was there, maybe thirty minutes, maybe an hour he lost track but it wasn’t entirely something he should get used to. It wasn’t right and Steve was acting clingy because of that other night, he didn’t want to make him feel guilty after he realized how hands on he was getting.

He dropped himself on the large couch, stretching out on it as he tried and failed at missing the way Steve’s face fell a little, just a little but still it did and he felt awful for it, his mouth uttering something about his legs feeling sore and that it was nice to get them out like this but he still felt like a dick for it even if it was for the better. Disappointing Steve one of the last things he would ever want to do in life.

  


Natasha finally decided it was time when Sam, Clint and Bucky took it upon themselves to peruse the comics and graphic novels section of the bookstore leaving Steve and Natasha alone after he came back from the bathrooms.

“You got a minute Steve? I wanted to talk to you for a second."

He drew in a small breath, nodding to himself, “Let me guess, is it about the kissing thing because Sam already cornered me.”

She shook his head, considered it, then shrugged a shoulder, “Slightly, but I’m more inclined to speak on James’ behalf than on your behavior and his decision to expand on your friendship. He never told me about accidentally kissing you and I found out from Sam. Now there’s a good reason he seems to either forget things like this or he chooses not to say and it’s mainly for Brock or I not to warn him about getting hurt. He thinks we’re overprotective of him. Considers us bias and close minded about getting close to someone even as friends. Granted Brock is very much those things but he has one too many reasons to be that way. If he finds out this happened, you would not get a polite conversation to the side, I promise you he would try to punch your lights out. I am just letting you know that.”

Steve furrowed his brows, arms folding over his chest, “Alright, go on.”

“I’m just saying, if you choose to keep everything like this, don’t do anything where James may end up misinterpreting as something that’s really nothing but for your own self satisfaction. He’s a good person and if suddenly you feel upset because you and Tony had a fight, don’t go running to James and doing something to make him think you have feelings for him.” 

Steve raised his brows, suddenly curious, “Does he?”

She didn’t skip a beat, “No, I’m just saying I won’t stand by and let you emotionally manipulate him because you might have a hiccup in your relationship. He could develop these feelings, I don’t know, you don’t know. I’m just covering bases here.”

He swallowed hard, blinking a few times, “You say it like that’s something I’ve been doing.”

Natasha smiled at him, full and sweet. Steve was absolutely sure he’d seen murderers with more genuine smiles. 

“James is very fond of you, which means he wants to take care of you like everyone he likes. It’s easy to twist things to your advantage because that means he will strive to keep you happy. He won’t want to disappoint you and since you’ve seen what happens with his mother you get the idea of why he’s like that. He’s very smart, he’s aware of issues like someone using him or taking advantage of him but his need to please someone he’s close to, someone he cares about always overrides that internal voice of reason.”

“So, wouldn’t it be wise not to inform me of this?” Steve asked, feeling the hairs on the back of his neck rise slightly, not completely sure if he should feel insulted at the insinuation or not Natasha was implying. 

“I like you Steve. I want to know you for a long time, it’s why I’m telling you so you’re aware of how this is going. He doesn’t know better, no matter what kind of bad he’s dealt, he negates it so he can keep the good part with him. He rationalizes that he’s the issue, the problem if one comes up. Remember that he won’t push you away even if one day he tells you to, or he leaves, he’ll always come back to you..to whoever he cares about. Now I’m not saying what he did is wrong because he is genuinely affectionate but you pushed it to become something else. It will either go further or stay this way, I worry that if you and Tony keep fighting, James will be caught in the center with a different outcome. I won’t let you use him.”

Steve sighed helplessly, burying his hands into his pockets, “Natasha, I would never take advantage of Bucky, I would never even do anything remotely close to what Tony and I do. He doesn’t even want me like that.”

“You already are, that’s the reason we’re talking right now. You need to think about that. I know what Sam said, you think he’s exaggerating but you need to really listen to what he’s saying. The kissing may be light and sweet to him but you have feelings for him Steve. Besides even if you didn’t start, it might have happened later. You remember Dylan from that club we went to on Sam’s birthday?”

He nodded, already sensing a tight knot of nervousness in his stomach forming just from that name alone.

“James knew he was being cheated on, he blamed himself for not being good enough. He strove to be better and what did that prick do? He took advantage of it.”

Something cracked in her voice, the calm cool resolve trembling under the exhale of words and he watched her draw in a breath, shoulders shifting slightly before she locked eyes with him, “He never left him, even when he would come back to obvious signs someone else was there. I want you to clearly understand how painful it is to watch him throw out useless explanations as to why there are open condom wrappers on the floor by the bed that he shares with his boyfriend when he wasn’t even there the night before, rambling until he breaks down and cries because he feels like he did something wrong and then proceeds to say he can make it better. That he _has_ to make it better.”

Steve leaned back against the wall, shrinking down, feeling a sadness overtaking on top of anger and regret that he didn’t beat the shit out of that guy when he had the chance. How could someone even do that to another person, he couldn’t understand. 

“Why are you telling me this? I’m nothing like that person.”

“To show you how easy it would be, in your position, to do that to him. To take his kindness and mold it to your advantage and he would let you because he wouldn’t want you to turn your back on him.”

Steve couldn’t speak, he couldn’t defend himself he could only stare at his shoes. 

Natasha’s face shifted with a soft look of sympathy, grasping at one of his hands, tilting her head to catch his eyes, “I know this is extreme and that you don’t have these thoughts but my goal is always to protect James no matter how crazy I might look. From himself, from the bad people if I can, even from his parents. I know that’s your goal too, I saw it when you took care of him and that’s why I’m talking to you now with it all laid out. You’re important to him and I know he’s very important to you. I just don’t want him to get hurt.”

Steve nodded, doing the one thing he should have done a couple days ago. Pulling his phone out, he looked at her with a nod, “Thanks Nat, for..I guess trusting me to do the right thing. I’ve been..feeling a little lost I think. I don’t think anything would have gone past that kiss thing, I still won’t take that back though. I think what Bucky and I have is something that we can handle right here as it is, but you’re right with the fighting. Bucky isn’t a backup, shouldn’t be used like one. I’m not saying I have because I don’t feel like I’ve used him to spite Tony, but I understand that it would be easy to do if I don’t pay attention.”

She studied him for a long moment, assessing him before she finally nodded, “Good then, and before you ask or worry about it later and want to ask, no. I wasn’t lying about our conversation about the tuxedo. That was a gift he wanted to give to you, just make sure you appreciate it like I know you will.” 

He nodded to her, turning to the couches they sat at with cell phone heavy in hand. Bucky was already there, reading through something and he sat down, Natasha branching away to the book stand to cruise the suggested reads, Clint and Sam close by still checking out the graphic novels.

Bucky watched him, tilting his head at the way he looked paled, “Steve, you okay?”

He nodded quickly, his phone chiming, “Yeah I’m fine Buck, I was just texting Tony, waiting for his reply and it looks like he’s free in an couple of hours.”

Bucky’s brows knit together in confusion, his lips curved up slightly when they pressed together trying to understand, “Oh you’re going there tonight?”

Steve looked over and he hesitated before nodding, “Yeah, I should go. He took me to the luncheon, maybe I’m being a jerk for ignoring him, you know?”

He agreed, a strained smile stretched over his face, glancing down at his shoes with a nod, “And those roses, like I said, they were nice.”

“Yeah, they were." 

Steve nodded, he knew this was right so why did he feel like this wasn't how things were supposed to go? 

  


“Hey!” Bucky jogged over to wiggle in between Clint and Natasha, the pair of them automatically separating hands to let him in, holding them again behind his back as his own arms went around their necks, “I’m coming with you two.”

Natasha raised a brow in question, Clint looking mildly surprised, “Not going with Steve in Sam's ride?”

He shook his head, a casual look on his face, “Nah, he’s going to see Tony and you know for once..I kind of agree with him.”

“You do?”

“Yeah I do, I think some things happened the past three days and it’s been heavy. You know what I mean? I think it’s good he gets a break from me, and me from him. Tony and him need to talk and obviously that can’t happen at a costume party, they need to do some pseudo romantic cheesy couple shit and I need to..not have sexually charged wet dreams about him.”

Clint rolled his eyes, “I need to turn my hearing aid off around you, you have no idea about boundaries.” 

Thumbing in Clint’s direction, Bucky frowned at Natasha, “That’s coming from the guy who walks around naked, more than one time, because he was doing the laundry and couldn’t be bothered while he knew we were home.”

“I don’t mind him walking around naked, he has nice thighs and a cute ass.”

Bucky agreed, “He does have a cute ass.”

Clint nodded with them as they stepped out into the parking lot, “I agree.”

  


Bucky’s phone rang him awake, his hand reaching out from under the dark covers to blindly search for it, his hand feeling out the fishbowl to a very alarmed goldfish and finally his phone.

“Hello?”

“Well I hear someone’s not awake yet.”

He groaned softly, “Steve, what time is it?”

“It’s after one Buck.”

“Where are you?”

“I’m at home, just got home actually from Tony’s.”

He let out a loud yawn, rolling over onto his back, “Did you have a nice time?”

“Are you preparing for a joke or are you genuinely curious?”

Bucky laughed softly, “Yeah okay I deserved that one but I was honestly wondering, I think you really needed time with him.”

“You think so?”

He smiled, hearing the soft but touched surprise in Steve’s voice while he dug a knuckle at the corner of his eye, “Yeah Steve, he makes you smile. No matter how much of a dumbass he is sometimes, he’s still your dumbass.”

“Aw Buck that’s one of the the sweetest things you’ve ever said about Tony.”

“Yeah, don’t get used to it.”

He listened to him laugh, soft and light, happy. It made his chest swell with warmth, a little sleepy smile peeking against his lips.

“Well, after I left I had to wait for him but when he was free we watched a movie..actually we watched Titanic. I was surprised, it was his idea after I was looking at one of his paintings and told him the line you said. He remembered how much I love it and said we should watch it again and we ordered in some Thai delivery while cuddling under a blanket. It was nice, I missed it a lot. It sounds so dumb but I did, I really missed little things with him Buck. He seemed a little weird at first, like he wanted to say something but he didn't and after a few minutes he was just himself again, I think he's working too hard.”

“Did you two talk?”

He heard Steve draw in a slow breath, “A little bit. He’s not used to me being around someone all the time. He knew Sam when it was with him and after Sam started his school stuff and helping out at the VA with his internship we saw less of each other which wasn’t a problem we learned to cope it was okay and then suddenly I have a new friend he doesn't really know very well and he gets a little jealous at times and I get mad at him for jumping to conclusions. I know he’s not going to magically be okay with things but he’s apologized for doing it, he can’t help himself. He’ll say whatever’s on his mind and usually he’s not mincing words..and..”

Bucky could feel himself smiling a little more even though there was a small token of sadness seeping through him as his thumb lightly stroked his belly button through his shirt eventually just resting it there to tap against the material, “..And you love him anyway.”

“I do Buck, I really do.”

“I know Steve.”

He rolled to his side, watching his goldfish move around in slow lazy circles, tucking his arm under his head trying to push away the gnawing feeling inside, “So then what happened, you can skip the x-rated stuff.”

“Well I guess I should skip to the morning then. He had a meeting he couldn’t skip so I got breakfast in bed, the toast was a little burnt, eggs a little runny, bacon was overdone but I ate it anyway, the coffee was the best as always. I love when he just tries, you know?”

Humming in agreement, Bucky watched the clouds softly roll along in the blue sky outside his window, “It makes you happy he’s paying attention to you because you missed him, I can get that.”

“Yeah, you’re right. Bruce held off work as much as he could by himself with the team and we took the time to have a bubble bath, that sounds so stupid..”

Bucky laughed, “It’s not, I would live in a bubble bath. Honest to God I would. Not very cat-like I admit but I love hot water, or a nest of blankets are good too.”

“So we’ve been talking about feelings and me for way too long, what are you planning to do?”

“Me? Probably go back to sleep after I get off the phone. It’s warm under here or a bath, a bath sounds good.”

Steve laughed, “So what about after you wake up or bathe?”

Running a hand through his messy hair Bucky shrugged for a moment, letting out a low yawn, grinning a little, “The guys will be here later while Nat’s at work. I offered to make dinner, probably grill some steaks and play some poker..you know, manly things.”

“And I’m going to miss male bonding time?”

Bucky nodded, “Yup. Around seven or eight everyone’s coming over. Brock, Jack, Clint and Sam, too bad you’re working.”

“With Nat.”

“Yeah, both of you are losers.”

“Gotta pay bills, sorry I’m not in line for using my parent’s credit cards."

Bucky pulled himself out of bed with a loud careless groan, bones aching a little, so comfortable how they were but now protesting to work. He pressed his feet down against the floor, taking a second before he stood up with a sway, sauntering out of the bedroom with a yawn. He walked into the bathroom, “I got my own credit cards, they just pay for them thank you very much Mr. smart ass. Hold on.”

He hit the mute to use the bathroom and gargle his mouth out, putting the stopper into the tub drain before returning and hitting the hot water.

“Okay I’m back.”

“Choosing the bath option?”

Bucky fiddled through a basket holding bath oils, securing the phone with his shoulder while he smelt a few. He made a light confirmation noise, opening another bottle smelling peppermint and rosemary. He turned and dropped in a loosely measured capful and mixed it with a capful of some lavender bubble bath shoving it all back where he got it from.

“So what are you doing while I slowly take my clothes off with the grace of a drunk donkey because I’m so fucking groggy right now.”

Steve let out a surprised snort, “I’m really trying to picture a drunk donkey.”

Bucky completely knew there was no time to suggest he should imagine the other part of what he said. Instead he deeply inhaled the smell the oils lifting through the bathroom and he took the moment to just soak it all in, putting the phone down on the counter to tug his t-shirt off over his head and wiggle out of his sweats and boxers. He picked the phone back up, carefully sinking a leg into the water with a soft wince getting his body used to it.

“You okay?”

He nodded, “Yeah, hot water remember? I have to take a few seconds to get used to it but once I get it, it’s like the best thing in the whole world.”

He scooped up some of the bubbles, unable to help himself, blowing some of it into a random direction before he stepped in with his other foot.

“I’m putting you on speaker because the last time I spoke to someone on the phone while settling in I dropped my arms in without realizing.”

“Sure.”

He hit a button on his phone and rested it on the toilet seat lid.

“You know, I almost did that the time I took a picture of myself in my tub and sent it to you while you were out of town for that family visit.”

Bucky turned to look at his cell, “What family..? Oh yeah nevermind, I remember that picture, it’s still in my phone. I opened it around this girl I was speaking to and she thought you were my boyfriend I was like no just this stupid guy I know. She proceeded to wish she knew stupid guys that were as hot as you.”

Steve laughed while Bucky moved to sit in the water, one hand gripping the side before slowly lowering himself in.

“Oh God, yes, this is so good. So fuckin- ” He let himself babble and sink into the regular sized tub, shoulders dipping under as his feet went up along the tiles and over the water knobs wiggling at him and he could only stare at them in perfect delight. 

It took him a few seconds to realize Steve was on speaker phone and clearing his throat with a little embarrassed sounding chuckle accompanied with the sound of him hitting something, maybe the hollow of his chest.

“Shit I forgot, sorry the water though. So nice.”

“Yeah, I noticed. Made me choke on my water.”

Bucky grinned, dipping the back of his head into the water and sat up again. He took in a deep breath, inhaling the rich scent of rosemary and peppermint as it clung to his body, the bath bubbles of the lavender leaving careful hints on top of it. All of it coming together to melt away anything he could possibly worry about, draping one arm against the side and wall, letting the other drape off the end. 

He swirled an index finger along the soapy clouded water watching bubbles of various sizes dance around before they disappeared. The hot water made him feel so good, he was protected and safe here, washing away all the bad at least for a little while.

Bucky moved his heels to rest at the edge of the tub, feet flat against the tile staring at the soap suds rolling down his ankle and back into the water. Movement on the other end of the call reminded him gently that Steve was still there, a soft murmur in the background of some movie he was probably watching on his ‘elderly people watch old movies all day Bucky’ channel. He decided he should bite the bullet and let go of Steve even if he didn’t want to but he knew himself; naked in a bath mixed with Steve on some sort of amused level of flirting and Bucky on _any_ level of flirting was either going to push for more or feel like garbage when Steve made some joke asking if he was serious.

He dropped his head back against the edge of the tub lost in the idea of being in here with Steve, sitting in his lap like he did last night with muscular arms around him and his head dropped back against his damp shoulder while Steve’s mouth found his earlobe and..

“Buck?”

Bucky snapped up in the water, kicking his feet a little, “Oh my fucking God. Yeah Steve, I’m here, sorry.”

“Did I wake you up? Sorry you were breathing heavier, I figured you fell asleep but I wanted to check before I hung up.”

He rubbed the back of his neck in embarrassment with a small weak nod not really thinking about how much he might be listening to him instead of his movie if that was the case, “Yeah, I started napping. You know, so warm and stuff anyway yeah, give me a call later if you want. Sorry.”

Bucky listened to him laugh softly, that understanding laugh he did when Bucky felt like he fucked something up and could only look at him like he was being silly.

“I’ll talk to you later Buck, bye.”

That warmth swelling inside of him again, a distant dreamy smile coming up across his lips and he couldn’t help himself, “Bye Stevie.”

  
The door bell rang and Lucky barked out, wagging his tail while Bucky galloped down the staircase and jogged along the runner, colliding hard into the door. He straightened himself and unlocked it, throwing it open to the view of Sam standing before him in thigh high hot red leather heeled boots, a blue small skirt with white stars adorning it complete with a red corset with gold double W trim along the oddly stuffed breast cups. His hands planted themselves on his hips, gold cuffs around his wrists.

“Before you even start to crack a joke, I lost a bet with Tony.”

Bucky smirked at him shaking his head with complete innocence, “I..I was only going to say you look nice and if I could ask you out for dinner.”

“Get outta my way Barnes like you should even make a joke, _Father_.”

Natasha poked her head out of the bathroom, taking a second to soak in Sam’s Wonder Woman costume, “Sam come up here so I can show you how to stuff your bra properly.”

“See? She’s helpful.”

Bucky grinned, rolling his eyes wolf whistling out as Sam made his way up the stairs, getting the finger in return, “What bet did you lose?”

“It seems Stark is amazingly good at Supernatural trivia and a huge shipper of Dean and Castiel. The things you learn.” He bellowed back from the bedroom.

Movement from the corner of his eye stopped Bucky from cracking another joke.

"Hey check out _my_ costume!"

Clint stepped out in way too tight purple booty shorts, his quiver carefully positioned between a pair of small white angel wings. If it was anyone else, Bucky would have immediately said they look ridiculous but on a body like Clint Barton’s with his firm thighs and arms, his toned _everywhere else_ stacked with his blond hair and blue eyes Bucky could only let out an impressed whistle. "Damn, are those Natasha's shorts?"

"Like my shorts would even fit over those thick thighs!" she called from the room. 

Clint nodded in agreement, picking up his bow to complete his outfit, giving Bucky a turn. 

"Jesus Clint, your ass in those shorts."

"I know right, I look _good_."

Bucky grinned, "So much for modesty."

The blond snorted, "Would I pick this out if I wanted to be modest?"

Bucky could only let out a slow sigh, widening his eyes and blinking a couple of times in thought, "No, definitely not." 

He tilted his head to look at his costume from a different angle as Clint did another turn in the mirror checking himself out, "Are you sure you're not a little gay?"

“Buck, everyone’s a lil gay.”

Natasha peeked out again, "He's trying to go for the sluttiest costume."

"Yeah right, how many girls are going to show up as naughty nurses, maids or even cheerleaders."

"I'm surprised at you Bucky, you're fully dressed. Didn't you strip naked and go swimming in the pool last year, though was it at Stark’s even?"

Bucky peeked over Clint's shoulder looking into the mirror, pushing back some stray hairs, "I did, with Clint and it might have been, I can’t remember."

"Oh right, I remember. I went as astronaut and said my suit was too hot. What were you again, a vampire because you're so original?"

"Hey, I didn't even wanna go remember? I just dressed up as what everyone probably thinks anyway as soon as they know where I was born."

Clint eyed him with that familiar look that Bucky knew was what he did when he was about to bring up a specific someone, "When's Steve getting here and what's his costume?"

Bucky shrugged, checking the clock on the wall, "He said around six or something, so should be soon."

On cue they both turned to the sound of Steve’s motorcycle pulling up, and Bucky _tried_ , he really tried not to smile in excitement. Clint gave him a light shove for it and stepped back towards the mirror in the coat closet, fixing his straps, watching Bucky trying to wait for the knock at the door then practically jumping out of his skin when it happened.

Steve stood at the door hair swept neatly to the side, clean shaven, dressed in a tight police uniform and immediately Bucky’s mouth fell open, gaping at him. In a sense Steve was doing the same thing, Bucky in a priest’s cassock complete with a cross around his neck and rosary hanging off his hip from his belt throwing him off completely.

“Bucky?”

Bucky snapped out of his stupor, suddenly leaning against the door frame, expression automatically switching to sultry, “That’s me.”

Steve swallowed thickly, “When you said last minute I didn’t think a priest would be on that short list.”

He smirked at him, carefully eyeing down the snug uniform before him with a lilt in his voice, “Hey, you can call me Father Barnes at the party.”

Steve tried not to laugh, he was pretty sure he would go to hell for that..maybe.

“I’m not calling you Father Barnes.”

“You could call me _Daddy_.”

A strangled desperate sound of absolute horror managed to fight itself out of Steve, a wave of warmth spreading through his entire being thankful for Clint, maybe not completely considering what he was wearing but no..No..he was very thankful. 

“Oh! Hey Clint..nice outfit. Cupid?”

The blond grinned, tapping his nose before moving out of the way to get him to come in giving Bucky the eye with a smirk, Steve’s butt fighting the fabric of those pants he wore.

Natasha lifted her skirt, walking down the stairs and over to Steve to give him a hug, “You look great Steve.”

He hugged her back with a grin, drawing back to give her a look her over, “Wow, you look amazing.”

A pleased smile on her face, Natasha stepped back so she could do a small twirl for him, a shimmery gold dress that was tight at the waist and flared out as it dropped to her feet, haltered at the top, tied away around her neck in a secure bow. Most of her side exposed as was all of her back down until her waist, a small arrow tattoo between her shoulder blades. Her deep red hair was swept and tied back in loose large waves and curls, golden laurel hair pieces at either side of her head with six bands resting against the top of her head to hold them together. 

“Let me guess, if he’s Cupid, then you must be Psyche.”

She nodded in confirmation, resting her fingers on the badge pinned to his right front pocket, “And you? Why a cop?”

Steve made a small face, "Tony suggested stripper cop, I compromised with..cop."

Clint let out a low whistle, "I have no idea if your ass could handle booty shorts anyway, they look like they may get eaten."

Bucky hovered a hand over his mouth trying to muffle a snort of laughter without being heard behind them and Steve turned his head at Barton with a surprised glare even though Clint wasn't at all phased by it even gesturing to the front of his police shirt.

"And _that_ , you better not eat or drink anything tonight because those buttons are hardly holding your muscles back, you might end up being a stripper cop whether you like it or not."

This time Bucky did laugh, loudly and barely taking in a breath as he wheezed soundlessly with his head thrown back and a hand pressed to his ribs while his shoulders went with it.

Clint smirked a little as he looked over at Bucky as if they were exchanging appreciative words and then looked back at Steve with a thoughtful nod, "Your pants are obscenely tight too, you know that right? Even without the booty shorts you're gonna be called the stripper cop."

There was a thud and Bucky had lost his balance, falling back against the frame of the staircase, wiping a tear from his eye with his mouth fallen open.

"Oh God Stevie, you're adorable. I don't think you can escape tight clothes!"

His face narrowed, "I can too! Those sweaters I wear are baggy."

Bucky straightened himself up with a grin, "The ones you barely wear?"

“I wear that red one a lot!”

“ _I_ wear that one a lot.”

“Well then maybe you shouldn’t be stealing my clothes.” He mumbled out instead, smiling lightly.

Clint flashed Steve a grin, giving him a pat on the back to let it go.

Sam emerged from the bathroom with his hands hovering over his fake but nicely filled boobs, nodding towards Steve, “And for the record, I agree with Clint.”

Steve raised a brow, watching him descend the stairs with a squint of his eyes, “For the record, you’re pretty good in thigh high heeled boots for a man that said he’s never worn them before.”

He shrugged, resting a hand on the rail when he got to the bottom, “I might have worn heels to play dress up with my sister before once, maybe a few times. Don’t judge me Rogers.”

Clint pulled the front door open, gesturing at them to get a move on, “The party started already, let’s get going!”

 

Bucky watched the throngs of people milling at the front doors and around the property of one of Stark’s ‘throwaway’ mansions, what he called one of his party houses, large enough to fit an insane amount of people, maybe a little smaller than his parents place but still big for simply a _party_ with random security dotted around for everyone’s safety after a few years ago a huge fight broke out between some stupid drunks that reverberated through a crowd and way too many cops had to be called in. 

The whole house was open for all, on top of the rolling lawns on the front which, like now, were used as parking spots and a back yard that wasn’t really a _yard_ persay when Bucky remembered he had a huge pool, a couple of places for stages to set up and still had space for people to sit around like it was an outdoor concert, it was fenced by a forest that was pretty private from, like he said before, what he remembered. Not that anyone needed to know why he knew about it’s privacy. He was pretty drunk, he remembered that much..and their name..maybe. He did keep a mental note that forest debris was as bad as sex on the beach, pine needles and bits of dirt liked getting in the weirdest places as well..that and spiders. Just no.

Climbing out of the SUV, Brock’s laughter roared out from somewhere, recognition hitting his eyes for a second before it switched to Steve riding by on his bike looking in his direction with his helmet secured over his head, pointing at him before winding between a couple of cars crawling through looking for somewhere to park. He watched him park in a small area by the front, the upside of not bringing a car. Bucky turned back to where he heard Brock’s laugh, both him and Jack walking side by side, way behind them by the wall of hedges was his black Impala tucked safely away from all the bad drivers.

“Buck what kind of blasphemy are you plannin’ on tonight?”

Bucky’s brows raised, shaking his head, eyes locked on then both, “No, don’t even start with me! You two should have told me, I would have been a gladiator!” 

Jack raised his arms in a shrug, “We barely made plans, it was last minute.”

Both of them were shirtless, chests smooth and tanned, he was pretty sure they were oiled up a little too but he didn’t ask, like they were going straight into some sort of sexy photoshoot wearing brown strapped sandals wound up their legs just stopping before their knees and heavy thick belted leather skirts. Finishing it off were shoulder harness’ and wrist bracers, Bucky was a little jealous he didn’t get to dress up with them. 

Brock reached over, the tip of his index finger lightly bumping the cleft of Bucky’s chin, “Don’t make that face.”

“What face?”

“The you-didn’t-get-to-do-something-so-now-you’re-going-to-pout face.”

He tried to shift his features to something less..whatever Brock said, “I don’t have that face.”

“Yeah you do.” Steve cut in, helmet tucked under his arm.

Bucky gave him a glare, Brock eyeing Steve, “Find Stark?”

Surprised Brock was speaking to him, Steve froze for a second and then it was sort of like he wish Brock hadn’t, shaking his head watching him smile. Sam, Clint and Natasha were already heading towards the door, people stopping to talk to Sam mostly because of how well known he was and his outfit, it was making it hard to get through anyway. Unfortunately for Steve, that meant his buffers were gone. Bucky wouldn’t deflect and he knew exactly what Brock was doing, cockblocking even if Steve wasn’t trying to get some. Bucky was off limits if he was around, straight and to the point.

“Not yet, I assume he’s greeting people at the door with his friends.”

Bucky tilted his head to get going then, milling through the crowds to catch up with the others ahead. Before Steve ended up getting some choice words from Brock, he skirted around some people passing by them and ran after everyone, Jack giving his best friend a raise of a brow.

“What?”

“He’s not gonna get into Bucky’s pants at his own boyfriend’s party Brock, you gonna motherhen Buck the whole night because I could sure go for a beer and my couch if thats the case.”

“Don’t get your panties in a twist, look he’s with Nat. She’ll break Rogers’ dick off if he did anything, I’m fine with that. Crisis fuckin’ averted Cupcake, cept I ain’t going through that front doorway, there’s gotta be some side entrance.”

Jack spied some people looking around with the same idea but the grounds didn’t seem to lead to a back like it was designed to let everyone in through the front and then opened up through it. Most of it was fenced off and had guards, he only assumed to control the flow. Nudging Brock, he tilted his head to the crowd, moving towards them.

“I thought the point of getting in was not goin’ this way.”

Jack peered ahead, moving around a slow walking group of people, “I know you’re short as hell but if you looked, you’d see its all blocked off. You wanna sit on my shoulders to see better?”

Brock scowled, “Shut up, I ain’t that short Asshole.”

His friend only smirked, winding his way through with Brock following after him.

“The key to getting in and starting the party is not to be part of the group wanting to kiss Tony Stark’s ass.” Jack muttered out, shoving Brock through the doors, easily bypassing the slow crawl of people wanting to greet Tony inside at the main entryway, branching off to the left to a ballroom, the others catching them already inside before the pair gave them a smirk and a salute taking off for the alcohol.

Bucky let out a huff, “See, those two have the right idea. I don’t need to say hello to Stark.”

He turned his head when fingers jabbed his side.

“I thought you were being nice.”

Shrugged at Steve, Bucky moved with the line, “I said don’t get used to it too.”

The first thing Bucky saw when he entered through the large propped open oak double doors was a very large, very realistic looking spider or tarantula whatever it was, hung up in replacement of a chandelier and thick webbing all over the open wide entry way like they stepped into a B-movie and Bucky would have thought it was cool if it wasn’t for the fact of a fifteen or so foot _spider_ above their heads legs twitching and moving across webbing and he was so sure he was going to pass out or vomit he couldn’t deal with this.

“Wow, look at that, did Tony make that? It’s amazing.” Clint was in awe, studying the detail with an impressed grin.

“I’m going to puke, I swear.”

“Bucky you alright?”

He felt Steve’s hand around his arm but he was backing out of the doorway, pushing through guests coming in and back on the paved drive, falling back against one of the pillars, “Fuck that thing is ridiculous.”

Steve stepped into his line of sight, palms pressed and rubbing up his arms and it felt good, his eyes staring into his, admiring how beautiful he looked.

Clint’s snorty laughter at something Sam said while pointing out the other decorations snapped him out of his focus remembering this was a party and most likely Tony was at the front somewhere waiting for them, mainly Steve. He looked at his friends eyeing him and he quickly nodded, “I’m fine, I just really hate _that_ so maybe if we can get away from the front entrance quickly that would be great.”

James and Bruce stood beside Tony, Bruce looking pretty good in a stiff oversized padded suit with bolts in his neck, thick green face paint and a scar along his face as Frankenstein. James didn’t do much, wearing a military uniform with a small hand sized walkie talking in his palm and a very noticeable clear colored earpiece. Bucky assumed one was for security and the other for wait staff, catching a few servers in costume already. He assumed the guy was still on the job considering he was, from what Bucky had heard, head of the security division at Stark Industries or something similar, he wasn’t entirely sure. 

Tony himself was wearing a metal suit. A literal metal suit. A big hulking metal suit. He knew this guy had to be the center of it all and amazing but _Jesus_. It was shiny and painted red with gold trim, centered with a power source of some sort on the chest that lit up stark white with a blue bleeding into it. His helmet face plate slid off when he wanted to talk and Bucky had to admit he did pull it off. 

“What are you supposed to be Tony, a Gundam?” Sam inquired, his hand touching the chest plate in admiration, rapping his knuckles against it lightly.

“Nah, why imitate when you can make your own and be better than the rest. I’m Iron Man.”

He struck an epic pose, one hand on his hip, his other arm pointed out into the air at an angle staring off into the distance. 

Bucky took back his compliment just with that pose alone.

Sam looked the whole suit over, letting out a low impressed whistle, “The whole thing is real, wow Tony I’m impressed!”

“You too Wilson, you look good you pull off Woman Woman very well."

The male grinned wide, wiggling his brows, giving Sam a high five, both laughing at the size difference from the gloved one. Tony took the moment to pull Steve against him, the pair at similar heights, Tony being a tad taller now as he stole kisses from his boyfriend. 

Tony locked eyes with Bucky over Steve’s shoulder, glancing at him with a raised brow, “No one actually believes that costume, do they Barnes?”

Bucky smiled sweetly, putting his arms out slightly to look over himself, “Hey you never know, I coulda been in disguise the whole year.”

“Fat chance!” Tony let out before he could stop himself, laughing so hard he almost doubled over, Steve making sure he didn’t topple.

“I like Bucky’s costume, it’s different.” Steve defended.

“Me too.” Banner let out, Bucky gave him a friendly nod in appreciation to his own costume.

Tony tried to wipe some tears, “It _is_ different considering you wouldn’t expect that from someone like Barnes.”

Steve rolled his eyes, giving him a playful shove with a grin taking everything as a joke and Bucky laughed a little not letting himself fall into the trap of getting into a fight with Tony. The brunette got bored a minute later with the banter, pulling Steve in again for another kiss.

Groaning under his breath, Bucky began taking a few steps to start moving out of the group, he stayed long enough to greet the egotistical host of the party so as far as he was concerned he met party requirements..if there were such a thing he didn’t read the invite. 

“I think I need a fucking drink.”

Natasha looked at him, taking Sam’s and Clint’s hands before turning to the rest of the group, “I don’t know about you all but I plan to dance all night with these two.” 

Clint grinned, tucking a hand at the small of her back and started off, Sam giving the rest of them a ‘what can you do?’ shrug and he was off going with the pair.

Bucky was left to his own devices wandering through the bodies of people, recognizing some, giving a nod or a wave as he made his way through to the back, a band making their way past him outside with cased instruments and some equipment. He stepped into a large covered patio past a pair of open sliding doors to a beer garden complete with three ready to work muscular bartenders wearing nothing but bowties and red and gold hot pants. Bucky could appreciate. 

The deck was all wood, with white little lights strung all the way around and large potted plants around at the corners. He was honestly surprised with the decor, expecting high end everything even out here but he supposed the house was expected to be nothing fancy, his thoughts paused when a server dressed in a sexy, he assumed, witch costume complete with a way too short leather skirt and boots that had a heel that made him question how she was walking. She stopped by offering something that looked like deviled eggs that resembled little pumpkins, each stuck with a small bit of chive at the top.

“Care for a pumpkin?”

Bucky studied them, knowing they looked a little lumpier than usual, taking one of the cocktail napkins before deciding if he wanted to take one, “What’s in them?”

“Everything a usual deviled egg has only with some lobster diced in.”

A smirk crossed his face, shaking of his head like he should have known while the girl returned a smile, “I thought something was different about them.” 

He grabbed a couple, popping one in his mouth, not entirely a fan of lobster but a fan of deviled eggs, chewing it thoroughly while assessing the flavor, he shrugged nodding to her, “It’s okay.”

She laughed, stepping away towards a group coming in from the doors, pausing a moment to look back at him over her shoulder a lilt in her voice, “Grab a beer to wash it down, Father.”

The second deviled egg paused before going into his mouth, looking back at her with a wink, “Oh I will my child.”

She bit her lip, turning back to do her job and Steve groaned up from behind Bucky, “Why is everyone flirting with you in that get up, it’s pretty much encouraging you to act like a dirty old man.”

Bucky tilted his head to take one last glance before turning around, “Everyone? Only one person’s flirted with me. That’s hardly everyone. She’s cute though.”

Steve grinned, “If you were looking, you would have seen a few people checking you out.”

“You’re looking for me, I don’t need to look.”

“I mean it’s not that hard, people got a kink for defiling a priest.”

“I’m pretty hot too.”

“Yeah that too.” Steve agreed, watching the band set up.

“Why are you here anyway? Thought your boyfriend had you on lock down?”

He shook his head, “He’s still greeting people at the door welcoming everyone. I said I would wander around til he let me know he was done.”

“So naturally you found me.”

“Oh don’t act special, I was checking out the backyard while you were weighing your options with the catering.”

Bucky looked positively offended, not that Steve looked, trying to get a beat on what song the band was playing.

“You make me sound like I would have been taking her in some dark broom closet.”

“Am I wrong?”

“You don’t know and that’s not the point.”

Steve let out a wistful sigh, “You know, sometimes I wish I had your libido.”

Bucky stared at him, grinning in amusement, playfully poking his nose, “No, you don’t. Trust me. It’s all just unused energy. Maybe I should get a job so I have less sex.”

“Geez, listen to you. Priorities. Maybe work out some, you should come with me and Sam one day.”

Bucky glanced away, checking out the bartenders, “I like my way of sweating better than yours.”

Steve felt the soft nudge of Bucky’s elbow at his side while they were looking around, “You wanna start drinking? I spy with my little eye, an open bar.”

He smirked at him, glancing down at his own costume, “It depends, am I on the job?”

Bucky flashed his friend a wry smile turning to face him completely, moving his hands up so he could tighten the knot in Steve’s tie, “I dunno, are you gonna arrest me if I try to ply you with alcohol Officer?”

The impulses in Steve went wild, licking his lips automatically, his mind lost in the idea of wanting Bucky to wrap his hand around that tie he was so effortlessly focused on and pull him into his space. The fantasy of his friend turning the tables around on him and overtaking him even though he was the authority figure was causing his mouth to go dry, barely managing to swallow down a minor groan. 

Bucky was so naturally flirty it drove him up the wall, his friend drawing away when he was satisfied with the tie and a happy expression on his face while Steve gathered his wits about him again and forced out a casual chuckle, “I guess I can let it slide tonight.”

None the wiser, Bucky grinned, tilted towards the open bar a line already growing, “I’ll be back then.”

The moment Bucky was out of earshot, he swore out staring up at the ceiling with a hand pressed to his hip. He shook his head not knowing how bad he might have it, walking towards the lounge area, dropping himself down on the deck couches lined along one side.

He kept his gaze on Bucky for a moment before he turned to look around and see who he recognized, his brows slowly rising upwards as Loki made his way towards where he sat dressed in a very very bright gold colored suit, hair clicked back and in all honestly, looking really good. He had the idea that Loki seemed to have a knack at pulling off outrageous outfits.

The raven haired male’s features were dark, a small smirk playing on thin delicate lips. His face was full of determination and it suddenly hit Steve, hit him like a ton of bricks that this may have been a horrible miscalculation to be alone with him. 

The smaller male slipped easily into his lap, curling sideways against his chest, sprawling himself with his legs hanging delicately off his thighs with a smooth purr of satisfaction, one arm daintily draped around the blond’s neck.

Steve completely froze, any sort of idea of him being able to control the situation and take care of himself went out the window, Loki’s green eyes staring deep into his, the way he moved onto him with specific ways to rub his ass against him wasn’t missed. 

“Hello Handsome.” He cooed, smooth and sweet, even with the music ringing through them both.

He clenched his jaw, “H-hey Loki..there’s a seat beside me on the couch, Bucky’s getting drinks, I’m sure he’ll be glad to see you."

Loki laughed, “Now why would I worry about a seat when I have you? Besides, I talk to James every day, I came to see you _Gorgeous_.”

Steve wondered if he did something horrible in his past life to get in this situation.

_Oh wait, I share a bed with my best friend who I’m not dating. Right._

Bucky glanced around at the crowd before he looked down, his thumb swiping over texts waiting for the line of people to thin out. He turned back towards Steve, finding him tensed up, Loki all over him.

“Jesus.”

He pushed his way through, his hand wrapping around Loki’s thin wrist, yanking him off Steve. “I told you not to do that shit with Steve.”

Loki shrugged, “Okay so I lied, what’s new?” He reached over, long slender fingers brushing over Steve’s jaw, “It’s hard to keep promises involving Steven _especially_ in that uniform. Just makes me want to do something bad.”

Bucky’s eyes narrowed, slapping his hand away, “Don’t.”

Steve pressed a hand gently against Bucky’s side, fingers curving around his hip, warm and soothing, “Buck, it’s okay. I’m fine.”

He rolled his eyes, “No, it’s not fine. This asshole promised to be good and he lied.”

Loki smiled wider, pulling his hand away, “You’re a killjoy James, you need some alcohol my Dear.” He slipped his arms around Bucky’s neck, planting a kiss on his forehead, “I’m sorry Pet, alright?”

Bucky rolled his eyes, “I know you aren’t but whatever. You’re a handful.”

Loki’s eyes were filled with mirth, “You _know_ just how much I love being a handful. And what about you?”

He dragged a finger down the chain of his cross, crooking his finger to tug at it lightly pulling Bucky in closer, winding the chain around his finger, “Anyone that’s spent time with you at some of our more decadent parties knows just how devilish you are.”

Bucky smirked, practically touching noses with his friend, “Why do you think I picked it?"

The implication alone caused Steve’s face to flush, Loki letting out a soft laugh before pressing a kiss on his cheek, drawing back. 

“Steven! James! So good to see you both!”

Steve and Bucky turned their heads while Loki immediately frowned, Thor approaching with his arms out wide and a smile just as big, raising his voice higher over the music even though they could easily hear him, “My friends!”

He grinned wide, moving around some people that stopped and gaped at the broad shouldered muscle of a man approaching the trio, his golden hair falling freely along his shoulders. He was dressed in a torn and ripped half open blouse and black tight pants that had the been shred off at the ends like he had forced them on, the length of them stopping just below his knees, his feet bare. 

Turning around completely to give his friend a hug, Bucky pushed Loki into his chest as well, “Hey Thor, nice to see you made it this time. You wanna keep an eye out on your brother? He’s flirting with Steve..again.”

Immediately Thor looked like he was wearing his disappointed dad face, “Loki! I am appalled at you!”

Loki rolled his eyes, pulling himself away while folding his arms over his chest childishly. Steve drew back from the hug pointing towards Loki’s suit, then Thor’s outfit, “Oh! _I_ get it now! You two went as Beauty and the Beast!” 

Furrowing his brows, Bucky looked over as Thor stood proudly, “Wow, that’s a good idea. How’d you get Loki to pair up costumes with you?”

“He didn’t. It was _my_ idea, that big oaf only decided to be Adam when I was already in my final suit fitting. Said we would look amazing together, instead everyone just looks at how adorable he looks in tattered clothing.” Loki grumbled with a huff.

“I think I look quite good brother, as do you.” He turned to Bucky and Steve, “Mother was very proud we were going to dress as a pair.”

“The _only_ reason I didn’t trash my suit.” Loki looked over himself, a hand running over his hip, “I do believe I look perfect though..” 

A ruckus of laughter rang out nearby, a large group of males dressed in different variations of togas stood around in a loose huddled mass, Bucky recognizing a couple of them before seeing one specific one in general, Steve catching them too, much to his chagrin.

Johnny grinned to his friends, turning his head immediately locking on to Bucky, pushing his way through.

“Buck!” He bellowed out, hands tossed into the air, one protecting a half drunk beer in a large plastic cup from being knocked over my bodies. 

He threw his free arm around Bucky’s waist and hoisted him up in a gleeful tight circle before putting him down, “What the hell are you wearing?”

Caught slightly off guard at the greeting, Bucky straightened up as his hand smoothed over his outfit smirking at him, “I’m a priest you bedsheet wearing heathen.”

Blue eyes brightened as he grinned wider, stepping back to really look him over in his cassock and rosary, lightly touching the cross on his chest, “No one believes you’re _that_ innocent, I got bruises to prove it but damn you look hot. You can abolish me of my sins any day.”

Steve fought hard not to groan and roll his eyes, glancing to see Loki eyeing him with a knowing smirk and he wasn’t sure if he knew or if the guy was just trying to imagine him naked, he assumed both looks were similar which left him wondering. All he could really do was helplessly smile.

Bucky snickered, meeting his gaze with an equal hint of interest after subtly checking Johnny out, “I do, except we only end up creating more..”

“My friend Storm! How are you?!”

Tearing his eyes away, Johnny and Thor threw their arms around each other in a tight friendly hug, “Thor, yes! You’re here bro! I’m great, beer pong is going to be amazing tonight! You’re on my team right?”

He grinned wide, “Of course my friend.”

Loki rolled his eyes, draping his arms around Bucky’s and Steve’s shoulders, “Why do we associate with such boors?” 

“Well, Thor isn’t so bad. He’s just an oversized puppy.” Steve noted with a smile.

Loki’s smile gleamed, turning to stare at Steve with a long and calculated look taking in the affronted look he was giving towards Thor and Johnny even though he knew now that it wasn’t because of his brother. 

“Am I detecting..a reason for your dislike for Johnny Storm?”

He watched Steve’s features falter a bit, blinking lightly before he shook his head like there was no real reason.

Bucky snorted at Loki’s other side, “Steve doesn’t like him because he’s loud.”

“Oh _Darling_ , my perfect precious James. I’m not sure that’s the _only_ reason he feels like that.”

Swallowing hard, Steve avoided Loki’s gaze pretending to laugh at something Thor said out loud, a grin across both their features, he could feel dark emerald colored eyes watching but and he tried his best not to do anything to give himself away _especially_ to Loki. 

Johnny talked a little bit with Thor before untucking a joint from behind his ear and making a move towards Bucky. He leaned in by his ear to whisper something and Steve certainly didn’t miss the not so innocent tug of teeth carefully biting down on the tender flesh of Bucky’s earlobe before he nosed it softly while his hand smoothed down his back as the male nodded in confirmation to him, Bucky’s mouth clearly saying the words _let’s go_. 

“We’ll see you guys later, we’re going on the deck.”

A mild feeling of relief washed over Steve when he realized Bucky wasn’t going the other way further into the house, like maybe the upstairs area near the back where there were way too many bedrooms to steal. Steve could only flash a grin, “See you later.”

Loki only gave a knowing smirk and Thor gave an enthusiastic wave goodbye, “Message me when you require me Storm!”

“Sure thing Thor!” He let out over his shoulder, his free hand grabbing at Bucky’s butt before it was slapped away.

Bucky walked alongside with Johnny, eventually finding Jack and Brock and a bunch of other people smoking cigarettes on the upstairs deck overlooking the large enormous back yard if he could even classify it that. A large rolling lawn with an Olympic sized swimming pool that people had already gotten into. The band had started playing to the side on a small stage while crowds of people loitered around to watch or sit, some dancing around. There was another small tiny stage at the side corner that he assumed was for the fireworks show Tony always did, it was still a bit of time before that but with the heat lamps keeping away the chilly late October weather, people were still milling out to get a good seat, piles of picnic blankets available for everyone to use. He _really_ thought of everything.

“Jesus this place is packed to the gills with people.” Brock muttered out, taking another drag of his smoke. 

“It’s always packed, he does it every year. This house mini mansion _whatever_ is pretty much just for parties.”

Johnny looked Jack over with a low whistle, holding up both thumbs, “Damn, I gotta say Rollins, you look _really_ good as a gladiator.”

Bucky laughed as the corner of Brock’s mouth twitched slightly in irritation, “Stop hitting on my best friend, Storm.”

The brunette raised his hands up defensively, “Oh sorry for complimenting your _boyfriend_ , forgot you two were attached at the hip."

Brock only grumbled something under his breath, too distracted to deal with Storm’s boyfriend comment, trying to adjust the little leather number he somehow got roped into wearing, because that was what he believed now that he was fussing over it. He passed the cigarette to Johnny without a word, his eyes boring holes into Rollins’ skull who _of course_ had no issues with his costume, chest out broad and sculpted, standing straight with an air of pride; the leather strap harness worn around his shoulders with one pressed tight across his chest made him seem like he was naturally born in it.

_Asshole._

Brock looked away to fix the leather war skirt piece which for some reason kept shifting up on him as did the piece underneath.

Jack didn’t look over, thoroughly enjoying watching everyone having fun down below, “Problem?”

“Yeah I got a problem. The fuckin’ leather jockstrap or loincloth or whatever _proper_ fuckin name it has is gettin’ way too intimate with my asshole.”

Jack didn’t bat an eye, glancing over at him with a cigarette between his lips watching Brock try and save himself from being violated by the leather underwear riding up his nether regions not giving a shit about the other people surrounding them, tugging the material out of his buttcrack with an annoyed huff. 

“It’s a subligaculum, Brock.”

Brock repeated what Jack said back to him in a low girlish voice, frowning harder, “It’s leather underwear. It’s riding up my ass, what the fuck do I care what it’s called?”

“Coulda just dressed up as a princess like I originally suggested, you’ve been bitching all night like one on and off about things.”

“Fuck you.” He spat out, raising his head to glower at him.

Bucky chuckled softly, stepping over to fix Brock’s belt to keep his battle skirt in place, “You look good Rummy even with it riding up your butt, who knows you may like it.”

“Kiddo, I love ya but you get smart and I’m danglin’ your skinny ass over the rail.”

Smiling, Bucky fixed the lone strap across Rumlow’s chest running the tip of his finger underneath it to keep it was curling in again flattening it along from the top of his right shoulder moving in an angle along his chest to where it looped underneath his left armpit.

“But no, really, you look amazing. I’m surprised you’re wearing it.”

“It was Jack’s idea.” He ground out taking the cigarette from Johnny again to take a drag.

Bucky didn’t ask further, knowing Rollins’ attitude over his body and knew if he in any way mentioned being in a situation where he might reveal parts of himself that he was a little insecure about, Brock encouraged it to make his friend feel comfortable back in his skin. It was a thing they had no one really bothered to bring up, it was good for Jack and that’s all they cared about.

“ _I_ only pitched it, you’re the one who went out the next day after work and brought the costumes to my place.” Rollins defended with a smile.

“Okay, fuckin’ listen here. You mentioned it and,” Brock’s eyes went to Bucky, “He barely asks for shit. Jack is the most fuckin’ low key motherfucker on this planet. He doesn’t wanna make a ripple for anything. So he walks off and goes to take a shower and I decided to get on my damn phone and google search the fuckin’ costumes.”

He turned to glare hard at Rollins who seemed unaffected by the dirty look, only smiling lightly as he always did, maybe a little amused.

“I hope you know I went through a lot lookin’ at bondage gear when all I wanted was damn gladiator gear.”

Johnny’s brows raised up, “Oh shit, really?”

He promptly pulled his phone out to google search, his eyes alight in amusement, “Oh nice..Bucky, please wear this." He held his phone out to show his friend a picture of something with harness’ and a leather jock strap.

Bucky only scrunched his nose up at it, “What the _hell_ Jo.”

Johnny only grinned wider, scrolling to the next photo that had a zipper fly on it, “Or that.”

“No. Neither of them. Just no.”

“Aw Buck..”

“ _No_.”

Brock glanced at the phone with a roll of his eyes, Jack peeking over behind him, “That’s the shit I had to go past just to find a normal costume.”

“Like I said, you didn’t have to.”

“You liked it, didn’t you?”

“Well yeah, I came didn’t I?”

“Like I said, fucking hot Rollins!” Johnny yelled out over his shoulder, leaning against the railing to look down at the people in the pool while he lit up the joint he brought along.

A soft chuckle rumbled out of Jack, moving to stand beside Johnny, pointing at something down below.

Rumlow turned to Bucky with a scowl, “Can I push him? Please? You’ll still sleep with a guy in a wheelchair, right?”

A soft smirk crossed Bucky’s face, “Yeah, I would if it came to it and he still wanted to. Don’t need to get so cut up about him flirting with Jack though, he’s kidding.” 

“I ain’t cut up, just don’t like people saying shit to Rollins.”

“Sounds like you’re just jealous.”

“Ain’t jealous either.” He immediately grumped out.

Looping an arm around Rumlow’s, Bucky gave it a squeeze, “Mhm. Then what is it?”

“He’s my family, don’t be stupid.”

Bucky couldn't help laughing, giving Brock a nod, “Alright, I’ll be good. For now.”

He got a glare but paid no mind to it, instead catching Brock’s eye to give him a teasing wink, pressing a light kiss on his bicep before his friend shook his head and threw the arm around his shoulder.

“Bucky, come over here with your bible.”

Bucky had forgotten he was carrying it, unveiling a thick hand sized book with a cross pressed into it, wrapped with a soft leather cord out of one of his skirt pockets and held it out for Jack as he and Brock sidled up beside them, “What’s up?”

Jack took it, running his fingers along the cupped spine, “You don’t need this right? No value?”

Shaking his head with his face scrunched, Bucky shrugged, “I picked it up from some dollar store, you gonna read a story?”

Jack’s eyes were fixated, slightly squinting down below them where a couple people stood around while a drunk guy was getting pushed away for hitting on a girl. 

“Nope. Not today.” He mumbled out holding the corner of the leather bound book, his eyes narrowing a fraction before flicking his wrist out and pelting the man down below with it. Tony had random security guys walking around, he wanted a party not a safety hazard and two had already swooped in to break up the issue, still it was amusing to watch the bible corner hit the guy square in the forehead, bounce off high into the air and then hit the concrete next to the pool with a heavy _plop_ sound.

Everyone stood still in surprise while the guy let out of wail of pain, hands going to his forehead and suddenly Brock burst out laughing over the silence, slapping Jack in the back, “Always a fuckin’ prince ain’t ya?”

Bucky glanced at Jack with a smirk, his brow raised smiling a little before he gave his friend a light punch on his shoulder. Johnny’s laughter mixed into Brock’s as he passed his half smoked joint to Bucky, who readily accepted it and took a drag, staring down at security escorting the guy away with his hand still pressed to where he was hit, the welt red and angry. 

Johnny shifted with a bump of his shoulder into Bucky’s causing him to look over, staring at soft blue glassy eyes watching him with a content smile. Tipping his head away, Bucky took a long drag of the joint, not missing the way he was being looked over again, his eyes watching his friend lick his lips slowly as fingers lightly played with the side of his outfit.

“What if I wanted to get you out of this tonight?”

Bucky didn’t answer right away, instead reaching over with his free hand to lightly grip his friend’s chin with his thumb and index finger. He didn’t need to even coax him, Johnny leaning in with a hand gliding along Bucky’s arm, fingers dipping underneath the fabric of his sleeve.

Bucky pressed their lips together, eyes shutting closed as he heard to a soft noise escape out of Johnny, not loud enough for anyone but Bucky to hear, feeling his mouth go slack and lips part. He exhaled the marijuana smoke into his awaiting mouth and into his lungs, Bucky slipping his hand away to press it softly against the bare chest before him feeling a racing heartbeat and he couldn’t help a smile slip out because of it. He could feel Johnny breathe it in under his fingertips, drawing back just to stare at those heavy lidded blue eyes again before Johnny parted red flushed lips a little bit to let the smoke curl out from his mouth with a gentle exhale. 

Bucky smirked at him playfully, “What if I told you that you probably have a really good chance to do that?”

Brock groaned behind him, an elbow catching him in the back, “Get a fuckin’ room.”

He about turned when his phone vibrated at his inside pocket, an SOS text message from Steve telling him to meet by the stairway as soon as possible.

“Hold that thought, I gotta go save a cop or something.”

Johnny nodded, “Text me or find me later, my offer stands all night unless I get really drunk by the time you do find me. I mean I’m still up for it, I just don’t know how conscious I’d be.”

Bucky rolled his eyes, grinning at him, “You’re fucking horrible.”

He managed to move his way around and find Steve pacing nervously, looking this way and that worriedly in an alcove past the horrific spider down the start of a hallway on the opposite side of the entryway. He couldn’t help the smile on his face, watching him chew at his thumb nail. He snuck up behind him, lightly pinching his sides, watching him practically jump, releasing a startled squawk before whirling around.

“Oh good! Only you.”

Bucky smiled sweetly in his own little Bucky way, “Yes. Who else would it be?”

He grabbed his arm, dragging him further down the hallway from where the ballroom was, eyeing the place doubtfully, “You gotta hide me from Loki.”

Bucky laughed, walking alongside him, “Oh he’s not that bad. He’s just really into you and he’s really forward.”

“By really forward you mean tried to go down on me then yeah he is.”

Bucky could only laugh again in response for a long while, pressing his hand to his side. He finally looked at him with a grin, “I fucking warned you, didn’t I, but someone had it under control!”

Steve paused, looking absolutely flustered and out of his depths, “Yeah but- ”

“Move, outta the way! Kegs coming through!”

Bucky felt Steve push him into the wall, using his larger frame to bracket him from the rush of the males that were dressed in togas, leather strapped sandals and golden wreath crowns running through with a crowd of eager followers chanting the word beer and a nervous amount of large kegs being pushed through. Bucky flattened himself in, a moment of surprise throwing him off but he eventually looked before him, staring at Steve’s neck as he was turned away with a glare, his hands pressed at either side of his head. He felt some people bump into him, pressing them tighter and Bucky could only swallow down a gasp, his own palms pressed into the wall behind him at either side of his hips.

“You okay? Those assholes should be using the loading bay at the back.”

Steve turned his head, their eyes locking and the scowl Steve wore softened into a gentle smile on his face and Bucky could only stare at him. He finally nodded and mentally tried to slow his breathing, “Yeah I’m fine Steve.”

“Good.” 

He let on but didn’t make an attempt to move, looking back down the hall a few unknown stragglers following the train of beers. 

Steve turned back to look at Bucky, his eyes so blue Bucky wanted to drown in them. 

“Hi..”

“Hi." 

The smile on Steve’s face grew shy, more child-like. It made Bucky weak. Hard muscular biceps at either side holding him in, taut and restrained under the soft blue of his uniform and Steve Rogers looking like he was going to blush any minute. Bucky reached forward, his hand deftly tracing over the police service badge Steve had pinned to the side his chest, “Did I tell you I love your costume, Rogers?”

There was that blush, Steve dropping his head down between them, a soft helpless chuckle coming forth, glancing up again with glassy eyes and lashes that were much too long to be real, “Yeah Buck, you did but you can always tell me again.”

Bucky dragged his thumb across the words on the badge, pressing into it and into his skin through his shirt barely hearing a light grunt sound from somewhere within Steve’s throat, “I love your costume. It looks _really_ good on you.”

Bucky had no idea what he was playing at except that they were both in a fire he wasn’t sure Steve was aware of and waiting to get burned any minute now. So many people there to catch them like that and it was Tony’s party, almost everyone knew who the cute dirty blond in the cop uniform belonged to and it sure as hell wasn’t the guy in a priest outfit with the rosary hanging off his hip.

Steve was lost in the mix of grey and blue in Bucky’s eyes, drawing his gaze down to soft plush lips and he could feel his breathing pick up, forcing himself to move past it. Bucky swallowed underneath his clerical collar and he was almost tempted to tug it off him.

Instead, he cleared his throat and pulled off him, turning to look down either side of the hall, “I guess the coast is clear.”

Bucky himself straightened up off the wall, trying to hide a blush fighting to creep up on him counteracting with a playful little smirk that begged to show itself. Steve had sounded like they had done something dirty even though he was only referring to the keg runners, still, the brunette couldn’t help but imagine feeling like they had done something, his stomach twisting along with the faster beats of his heart, slightly excited at the idea but he knew in his heart, that stupid good in him that he would have never gone through with it.

The hallway felt narrow all of a sudden, Bucky’s breath catching in his throat as he felt Steve’s warm hand press against the small of his back, warmth rising to his cheeks and to the tips of his ears being led out of the hall and through everyone streaming around. 

It only took a small slide of fingers through the cheap material of Bucky’s costume to realize Bucky wasn’t wearing anything underneath, at least above the waist and he felt himself chew the inside of his cheek awkwardly over that bit of information, his hand dropping away not trusting himself to not feel it out further. 

Bucky gave him a quick smile and Steve mimicked the gesture, making their way to the ballroom where they immediately spotted Tony at the DJ booth with the mummy costumed DJ clumsily dancing alongside him with a beer in his big gloved hand and his face plate pushed back. 

“I should probably go back to him.”

Bucky agreed, albeit with a softness he could hide over the music, “Have fun.”

He watched as he started to shuffle through the thick crowd of people all piling close to the raised stage, watching him look back one more time to give him another smile and Bucky couldn’t help his hand going up to toss a wave before watching him reach the stage and get Tony’s attention. Bucky smiled again helplessly as Tony announced his boyfriend’s arrival, the crowd cheering and raising drinks while he encouraged Steve to strip down even though Steve shook his head quickly with a laugh. Bucky finally turned to look for his other friends.

  


Bucky got tired of fake blessing people and posing for photographs with naughty nuns, nubile school girls, sexy nurses, and a whole lot of _whatevers_. He wrangled Johnny out of his crowd of toga bearing friends and pulled him through people just drinking and milling about near the front. He wanted to dance and if that’s what he wanted, he was going to get it. Johnny obediently followed with a grin, occasionally greeting people he recognized while sipping his beer; his arm snuck out of Bucky’s grip to snake around his waist, that specific hand deftly moving to press to his butt.

“You wanna go find a quiet place Buck?”

Bucky shook his head, biting his bottom lip tempted at the thought for a second before he gestured to the other room, “Dance with me?”

Downing the rest of his beer, he threw the empty red cup in some random direction, Bucky watching it bounce off someone’s head comically before they looked around in confusion. He leaned in close to his friend’s ear, “ _Anything you want Father Barnes_.”

Bucky didn’t even bother to hide the red across his face, giving his friend a roll of his eyes before he playfully pinched his side and Johnny’s roving hand gave his butt cheek a light hit in retaliation, rubbing the spot after which only distracted Bucky, throwing him off his focused weave around the crowds.

He knew Nat, Sam and Clint were around in the sea of people _somewhere_ but he didn’t even try to look for them. In all honesty Bucky didn’t care what was going on, deep in a crowd of people with a DJ dressed as a mummy playing electronic dance music with the bass so thick it thrummed through him like a pulse he wanted to soak in. He let his body move with the music, long sleeves slid back when his arms rose up, his palm pressing against the side of his other hand feeling Johnny’s hands sweeping down his sides caressing the smooth soft material. The ticklish sensation of his friend’s fingers brushing against the waistline of his pants brought Bucky’s arms down around Johnny’s neck grinning wide at him as he leaned in by his ear. 

“I always had a fantasy about getting you to roleplay as a priest. Thank you Barnes.”

Bucky couldn’t help the hard snort of a laugh push out through his nose, stopping himself to cover his face with his hand before returning it around his friend’s neck, nipping at his earlobe, “Are you serious?”

Johnny nodded, smirking away, “Very. Actually I have tons of fantasies about you in costumes. Halloween is one of the greatest days on earth for me if we’re fucking around at the time.”

A bewildered sound slipped out of Bucky as he pressed his face against the male’s neck, shaking his head, “Okay, with that admission now you _gotta_ tell me your favorite one.”

“I have a lot though.”

“Okay just name one then.”

“You know that costume you wear for your shooter game..?”

“Oh God..really?”

Johnny grinned, “Yeah, really. The tactical pants, the black flak jacket whatever thing he wears, that face mask, _everything_.”

Giggling helplessly, Bucky ran a hand through his hair, “You know my character is beefy as fuck and has longish hair right? I’d at least have to grow mine out if I went all out.”

“Or a wig.”

He winced, “Oh no, no wigs. No way.”

“You gonna hit the gym for my sex fantasy?”

He couldn’t help laughing some more, “I like you but not that much.”

They both dropped the subject that was never going to be entirely dropped, dancing a space apart again while they chuckled together and Steve tried not to look from where he was standing around happening to see them when they streamed in one in black one in white, the pair was pretty distinct. He really didn’t but there they were when he looked over, that weird familiar feeling twitching in him when he did look and there he saw Bucky and so was Johnny, the jealousy he felt for him putting his hands all over Bucky was throwing him for a loop. He tried to shake it out of his head, turning to look at Tony who slung an arm around Rhodey’s shoulder talking closely to him and pointing out towards the propped open doors way down at the other side that led out to the back. 

James nodded, pulling away with a very stiff Frankenstein Banner in tow, “Sure, we got this Tony! Enjoy yourself, we’ll take care of it!”

Steve gave a thumbs up back when Rhodey flashed him one and they took off through the crowds. Not hesitating, he grabbed Tony’s arm to pull him away from the couches, “Dance with me!”

Tony glanced at him, swaying slightly in his metal suit, his face crossing a slight wariness before he grinned, “You know I can barely move in this, it’s like Ripley when she was in that Power Loader in Aliens.”

Steve laughed, “It’s okay, I’ll do all the dancing you do all the ogling like you usually do.”

“Now that’s more like it!”

Unfortunate for Steve, Johnny caught him looking. He had seen them in the hallway when he was with his friends while they were doing the keg run and he thought it was funny he didn’t see all this earlier. Bucky was a mystery when he wanted to be, closed up and secretive but Steve, not so much. No poker face could hide the longing look he held all over his face like some lovesick puppy. 

Especially when they were face to face talking about something and he had Bucky caged up against the wall while he wore a dim bulb expression across his face. He didn’t blame him, Bucky was something else entirely except for the fact that he was sure Tony Stark was not someone he was letting go any time soon which made this whole situation a little more awkward than romantic. Plus, as he figured out awhile ago, Bucky was a wild card. He had never seen him actually like someone (and he refuses to count the bad apples) since he tended to disappear when a boyfriend came into the picture though he could see Rogers was close to his heart.

He watched Steve dance with Tony, focused on the guy and looked like he was enjoying himself but once in a while he was trying to catch them in the crowd of people. Bucky didn’t pick up on it, or he didn’t care. Storm wasn’t exactly sure because all his dance partner did was watch him and he was all fine and dandy with that. The tune changed to something slower, less upbeat but really good nonetheless, riding a thick and sexy beat. 

A flit of his blue eyes saw Tony lean in, Steve holding him close, well the best he could in that tin can monster of a suit he decided to wear, large hands sliding down the exterior of Stark’s back and whispered something to his boyfriend, faces flushed. Tony pressed in as much as he could with the suit on, kissing Steve for all that he was worth, well that was until two wait staff found Tony and interrupted the man’s possible journey to get his boyfriend into a bathroom or a closet or some secret room, this _was_ Tony Stark here. Both had faces of disappointment but Tony scrambled off and Steve turned to look at them, while Johnny pretended not to notice. The blond hung back, a girl in a pixie costume smiled brightly at him as she said something, gesturing to his costume while they both danced together while he grinned and nodded, returning whatever compliment was said to hers with a thumbs up and Johnny tried to hide his smile when blue eyes went back to look at them.

_Nice cover Rogers._

Johnny had no stake in this, if Steve wanted Bucky even for a dance he wasn’t going to stop him but he wasn’t doing anything but looking and for Johnny, having a little fun was something he was always up for. Curious, he wasn’t going to leave without making a show of having Bucky in his company. He _definitely_ had to ruffle Rogers’ feathers a little and get some entertainment to test just how _deep_ his interest was. 

One of Bucky’s hands found themselves pressed just below Johnny’s ribs and he took the gesture to move in a little, tilting his head up to make up for the minor inches he didn’t have on Bucky. Bucky closed in dropping his forehead against his grinning down at him and Johnny gave him a flirty wink, pressing a hand on the one at his side and turned in their intimate space to push his back against Bucky’s chest, both bodies soon pressed in and hips swaying side to side to a dirty methodical beat exuding a filthy smirk from Bucky as Johnny dropped his head back nestling against the brunette’s shoulder just staring up at him. 

Steve ceased paying attention to the girl that came up to dance with him, going with the motions his eyes barely moved away from the sight of Johnny’s entire backside pressed into Bucky, one hand reached behind him to press against the back of Bucky’s hip to keep him there, the other slid into his messy chocolate brown hair, his head reclining against his shoulder looking up and saying something close to his ear when Bucky leaned in. Their bodies still swaying in tune of the music and both of Bucky’s hands roamed along Johnny’s bare sides, the only bit of cloth covering his upper body for his toga gathered like a sash that extended at his hip and crossed over his shoulder, most of his chest bare and a blush of red from the heat, a slight sheen along his muscles.

Johnny gazed at him with some sort of reverence that Steve suddenly couldn’t stand, especially when Bucky stared back at him with a smile, one of his hands lightly brushing along the man’s chest, teasing his nipple with a sudden smirk when Johnny seemed to let out a sound of protest. He leaned in closer, mouth moving to say something with a flicker of his eyes roaming down Johnny’s body and everything between them shifted when Johnny replied with a bite of a bottom lip and the sway changed to rolling his hips into the front of Bucky’s pants. Anyone looking had to only see the change of expression across Bucky’s face to know exactly how he felt about that. Johnny shamelessly did it again before he turned his body around to stare at him, cupping his face with one hand resting at the side of his neck while they continued to dance to the slow melodic beat, his free arm hooked tight around Bucky’s neck, their noses touching. 

Jealousy rushed over Steve again, hard and fast, an urge to cut in screaming through his mind even though logically it made no sense to. Helplessly he could only watch Bucky’s hands moving and cupping Storm’s ass as he ground into him, his lips brushing along the seam of Johnny’s to murmur something with an intense gaze and his friend only looked at him with a helpless glazed expression. Steve didn’t have to be a lip reader to know exactly where the whole scene was going and how he was all of a sudden so very irritated. He excused himself from his partner and stormed away, heading out to the back trying to get some fresh air that he so clearly needed. 

Johnny was so busy with Bucky he almost missed the way Steve tore out of the place like a fin cresting through water, people moved and he tucked away his amusement for now, not realizing it was worse than bad. How very unfortunate for Steve, but it was pretty funny to him the issue of the poor guy locking himself up with one guy while having the hots for another was like a bad rom-com. He was just glad he wasn’t involved directly. Besides which..he had other things to focus on, Bucky’s hands pressed to his hips as he guided him out of the ballroom.

The pair of them could barely keep their lips apart, everyone else ignored or blurred out. Luckily they managed to find one of the upstairs bathrooms empty near the back quickly locking themselves inside. A bedroom was an option but the bathroom was closer, some sort of electronic music playing through the house that bounced off the walls.

Bucky was pushed against the wall watching Johnny flash a dirty smile at him, fingers deftly undoing the buttons on his robe revealing a bare chest beneath. Johnny's mouth left a trail of kisses as he went down, nudging away the cross swaying between Bucky’s pecs, catching one hard nipple between his teeth. Bucky sucked in a sharp breath, arching his hips a little from the light bite before Johnny rested down on his knees, peering up at him innocently. 

“You look tense Father. Let me fix that.” 

A small laugh was all Bucky could choke out, dropping his head back against the wall for a second to collect himself, the image of Johnny on his kneels causing his breathing to quicken, reaching down for his fly. Hands were already there, fingers bumping into fingers and Bucky released a small sound of annoyance until he heard the sharp crisp sound of his zipper going down on his brand new dress pants.

Johnny shoved the material down just enough to pull Bucky’s half hard cock out of his boxer briefs; a low hungry noise slipping out of him without too much thought, his mouth already on it, kissing his shaft, open-mouthed and sloppy.

Bucky’s head swam, he couldn’t tell how much Johnny had to drink, no reason or rhyme to what his friend was doing to him or what he wanted to do. He was frozen just watching him nuzzle against him, spit slicked lips dragging and mouthing along his erection, himself breathing out heavily while he bit at his bottom lip.

Darkening soft blue eyes glanced up at him occasionally, fingers finally wrapping around to stroke him slowly as Johnny left kisses and faintly marked bruises along his stomach and down one faint trace of his Adonis belt, slowly reaching his balls. It was so much and not enough, Bucky dropping his head back, the deep throbbing bass of the music pulsing and pounding off the walls and floor going directly into his body. He relished against the sensation of Johnny’s hot breath against his dick, his stomach coiling for more.

“Damn Buck, could _live_ here.” Johnny groaned out, his voice slightly rough.

Bucky could only moan in response, rolling his hips off the wall and into the man’s hand, biting down harder on his lower lip just watching with half lidded eyes not knowing where exactly to put his hands just yet, letting them roam along the wall. No one paid this kind of attention to him like Storm did and if this was what he wanted to do, he wasn’t going to stop him. He was going to let him take control and Bucky was here to enjoy the ride.

But Bucky wanted more of Johnny, wanted him to talk, run his mouth like he did usually. He was into the way he whined and wanted him all the time. Never shy about it, his mind slipping off and away as Johnny tightened a little on him, stroking him faster. With the ideas of Steve in his tight uniform and thoughts of tearing it off piece by piece ran through his mind during the night, he felt like he was already crumbling to the edge.

“Fuck, I hate you Jo, always making me crazy..” He groaned out, fighting his brain for a thread of lucid thought.

Johnny tilted his head up with a pleased smile, the same one he gave when Bucky was caught in the moment and impulsively confessed on about how he loved to fuck him, watching his friend keen to the praise as he tried to keep his wits about him. It was rare and very far in between but he always meant the words and Johnny knew. Right now though, Bucky lost himself in the hungry gaze of his eyes, wide and dark.

Licking his lips, Johnny finally gave in to the way Bucky begged him with his eyes, tongue softly licking the head of his dick teasingly, lapping up precum with a raised brow before moving his whole mouth over him.

Bucky arched as much as he was allowed, his fingers digging along the surface of the wall, dull nails catching along the texture of the paint. He prayed, _prayed_ over no one finding out about the marks, scrabbling for purchase.

Johnny kept his eyes locked with his, sinking all the way down on Bucky’s cock like he was a starving man, relentless over how much he needed to be on him, lips obscenely stretched and bruised red. His mouth was all wet heat sealed tight around him though it wasn’t entirely in complete rhythm. It was a little messy and so very eager, something he was used to by now with Johnny if he drank too much but he still wanted to go down on him. Bucky watched with heavy lidded eyes, head bobbing up and down on him, warm huffs of breath pushing from Johnny’s nose between long, deep swallows, breaking back only to pull off almost entirely to suck sloppily on his head before he sucked him down deep again.

Bucky was so close, sliding a hand against Johnny’s very short hair tugging softly at it, pleasure winding him tight as he panted out into the air, pushing his hips forward. He felt Johnny’s hands roam to press at the back of his thighs, digging into the flesh and Bucky grit his teeth, groaning out softly. His hips eagerly twitched forward and after a few timid controlled movements Johnny directed him to take more, moaning out as he closed his eyes allowing Bucky to fuck deeper, harder into his mouth in smooth effortless thrusts. 

He could feel it becoming too good, too fast, throwing a loud moan into the space around them, “Jo, fuck..gonna ..”

Johnny’s eyes snapped open, humming and moaning louder around his dick, one hand moved off Bucky at some point, pushing aside the fabric around his waist and pulling himself out of his boxers to jerk himself off. Bucky only watched with a glazed expression, Johnny’s cock already so slick and red, bright electric blue eyes now completely black staring up at him like he was _everything_ and he was already cumming. Briefly, he closed his eyes to white hot flashes of pleasure crashing around him and through his entire being while Johnny swallowed down everything he gave, working him until he had nothing left, his fingers sliding out of his hair and bumping back against the wall trying to keep himself upright.

“Johnny, fuck..”

Bucky closed his eyes giving up on speaking, feeling his friend’s face nuzzling his inner thigh causing him to squirm a little from the sensitivity and partially from being ticklish. A small noise of protest escaped him and he felt Johnny chuckle against his knee before he pulled his boxer briefs back up for him, pants still tangled around his ankles before hands tugged him down onto the floor.

“Give me about ten minutes and you can do that if you want.”

A lofty giggle escaped Bucky, much too comfortable here. He closed his eyes as he leaned against the wall. He barely noticed the sound of tissues, Johnny cleaning himself up and then he was leaning in, Bucky feeling his breath brush along his skin.

“Can I kiss you?”

He was so relaxed, taking a moment to blank out before he blindly pulled Johnny in and his mouth found his, kissing him deeply, the faint taste of himself on his tongue and he really didn’t fucking care at all.

They had ended up fucking in the shower, a feat in its own before finally getting out of the bathroom and immediately greeted with a smirking Cupid holding out two red disposable cups of beer.

“I was wondering when you two would get out, I had to switch beers at least once before this meeting.”

Johnny grinned wide, taking one beer as Bucky took the other with a suspicious brow, “You weren’t really waiting for us to finish all that time were you?”

Clint snorted, reaching over to brush some of his friend’s wet hair back, “Heck no. I saw you go in there with him, I came back once in a while to check back since Ward’s around. I know your sex noises so as long as you were making them, I knew you were still in there.”

“Of course you know my sex noises.”

Raising his phone in the air, Johnny stepped past them both, “Hey my friends have been looking for me for beer pong, you guys interested?”

Bucky shook his head, Clint lightly hitting Johnny’s arm, “Text me if it’s drunk darts.”

The brunette stole one more sloppy dirty kiss from Bucky and headed for the staircase looking over his shoulder with a smirk, “No way Barton, you took everyone for over five hundred bucks last time we did that. You and Bucky are a bunch of cons."

Clint faked an expression of hurt, giving him a wave soon after eventually smiling as he hit the stairs. 

The blond turned to Bucky, “Of course you made time to have sex in the bathroom during a party.”

Bucky held up two fingers, drinking down the rest of his beer while he draped his arm around his friend’s bare shoulders. Clint raising his brows at him, walking along the hallway.

“I came twice at a party I don’t much care about. Win win, and I never made plans, it just kind of happened. I honestly didn’t know Storm was gonna be here.”

“So technically that means it’s defaulted if he shows up right? I mean the guy doesn’t really play hard to get for you. Correct?”

Bucky agreed with a little tired yawn, “Yep, but now I need more beer so let’s get some.”

“You know that’s not going to turn your energy up especially after you shot two loads.”

“That..was gross. Don’t ever say that again Clint.”

The blond’s eyes widened, “So you can tell me without me asking that you came twice but I can’t say you shot your load?!”

Bucky nodded his head, giving his friend’s shoulder a squeeze, “Nope you can’t. Jesus didn’t die for you to say that.”

Clint groaned, walking alongside his friend, shaking his head as they went, “Please don’t bring Jesus into this, oh God you were wearing a cassock while having sex, oh my God Buck. I’m going to hell by association.”

“Hate to break it to you son but you were going to hell a long while before I was in this get up if you’re guilty by association.”

“Shit, you’re right. I have to start going to church.”

Bucky gave him a sympathetic look, nudging the side of his head playfully against Barton’s.

Steve moved through to the large common room with a full connecting kitchen that people were milling around to get away from the louder crowd drinking from the multiple kegs of beer or raid the fridges for bottles and cans. The counters littered with bottles of hard liquor, a cooler with multiple types of soda and different fruit drinks. He preferred the bottles, opening the door to one of the fridges to choose from a large range, studying the labels.

“You know, I don’t even know what you have against Barnes. He’s pretty laid back.” 

Steve raised his head slightly to the sound of Bucky’s name. He twisted the top of his bottle to take a long drink, watching the door close before him, his gaze casually going towards the two males standing by one of the kegs.

“Oh yeah, he’s pretty laid back alright for a guy that sleeps with everybody. That's gotta be a nice position he's used to.”

The pair laughed, Steve quietly scoffing to himself which only seemed to catch Ward’s attention. “Something you wanna add over here?”

Steve shrugged lightly, taking another sip before setting his bottle down on the counter, “Seems rather petty to be talking about someone when they’re not around, that’s all. I’m sure if Bucky was within earshot at least he’d have a chance to say something instead of just you calling him useless names with your friend.”

Grant raised his brows in mock confusion, his hands stretched out, one holding a plastic cup. He looked around with a small shrug, shaking his head incredulously, “Who the fuck cares what you think? What are you, out actually policing the party?”

Steve frowned, “No, I’m one of his best friends. I shouldn’t need to have some dick here talking shit about him.”

The brunette only rolled his eyes at Steve, drinking his beer. He finally set his empty cup down, lightly hitting his friend in the chest with a swat of his hand, “Does this guy really think he can scare me?”

“I’m not trying to scare you. I’m was just trying to educate you since you seem pretty ignorant.”

Grant stepped forward, his stride wide and confident. He paused before Steve, a couple inches taller than the blond just barely, a smirk across his lips but Steve could see the slight lean, a simple not there drunk sway about him. “Listen, and listen closely. I don’t need to hear anything from you. What I have to say is between my friend and I. If I’m hurting your feelings you can just walk it off.”

Steve stepped closer, closing in the small space between them, his gaze narrowed with his jaw set in a tight clench, his polite albeit condescending smile slipping away. “You talk shit about Bucky again and you’ll see what I’ll do about it.”

“Steve?”

Both males turned to Bucky and Clint standing side by side, wearing confused looks at the face off but Steve noticed something saddened in Bucky’s gaze, something he couldn’t entirely pick up.

Ward grinned viciously, “Oh look, it’s the whore himself and Barton in tow. I’m surprised you’re still friends, I figured Bucky would have dropped a deaf idiot like you a long time ago. Guess you both have too much in common, huh?”

Clint stepped forward, a trace of anger splashed across his eyes, “Shut up Ward. You’re the one looking like an idiot here, you’re so drunk right now.”

Bucky quickly grabbed Clint’s bicep to stop him from going closer, "Don't Clint."

Grant only laughed, gesturing helplessly towards the pair with a shit eating-grin on his face, “Oh Clint, really? You think you can fight me? You can try if you like, I’ll break your face again like when we were kids. Is that what happened to get him to stay all these years Buck? He say thank you with his mouth? And holy fuck Barnes! Your costume, shit great idea going the complete opposite of what you are!”

“Hey.” Steve firmly jabbed his fingers into Grant’s chest, redirecting his glare towards him, “Don’t talk to them like that.”

“Steve, stop. Let’s just go get a beer downstairs. He’s just being an asshole and he doesn’t know when to shut the hell up.”

“Oh, you should listen to your _friend_ is that what you called it? Bucky just loves making friends, don’t you? He’s just a cheap little whore that only has to bat his eyes to get dick all day.”

“Shut up!” Steve seethed, pushing at Ward in anger, the male stumbled back slightly but righted himself with a dark curl of his lips.

Bucky surged forward past Clint, gripping Steve’s shirt to stop him from doing more of anything, “Steve, no, stop it. He’s not worth starting shit over.”

An amused laugh escaped Grant as a pleased look spread across his face, “He’s got it so _bad_ for you Bucky. You just keep lining them up and breaking their hearts, don’t you?”

Bucky turned his head, glaring at the male, “Why don’t you just fuck off, Ward, huh?”

He moved to shift himself between the both of them, “If it’s me you want, let’s go outside. I’ll be more than happy to break your jaw again. Just like when we were younger, I can still take you out. It was so sad how you were bigger than me, yet you couldn’t take me on. Bet it’s gonna be exactly the same now.”

Grant stepped forward, a sneer across his lips lowering his voice to keep their words between them, “It may be a little different this time around Buck. A whole lot different. Besides, what’s gonna happen when Stark gets wind of you and his little boyfriend fucking each other because honestly, you would have to be completely blind to miss shit earlier..” 

His friend supplied him with a new beer and he immediately took a sip, a taunting look in his eyes raising his brows at his statement.

Bucky flinched, but only slightly, narrowing his eyes, his heart beat racing. They did nothing wrong, he knew that but Grant Ward was cunning and would make sure Tony would find out if he thought it would better him in some way. Though as it was, Tony already hated his guts and Bucky only smiled, jeering at him, “Any time you want me, I’ll fight you. You may think things are different but they’re really not. You’re still shit with a terrible, amateur hook and a crappy personality.”

Grant scowled at him, growling angrily, “And you’re still a little slut with fucked up mommy and daddy issues, no wonder you can’t keep a fucking relationship, they gotta cheat on you to get something outta being with you.”

Steve pushed himself forward, almost beside Bucky, his warm body pressing close, “Stop talking..”

With a roll of his eyes, Grant drank down his beer in one go, confidence laced in his eyes, “Everyone laughed behind his back. They were saying it was so easy to get him to do what you wanted. Just show a little sweetness, some kindness and he was eating out of your hand like a little needy whore he is. Isn't that right Buck? Rumlow still following you around? You open up for him yet? God you're pathetic, you need someone so bad you'll do anything to get someone in bed right?”

“Shut your fucking mouth!” Steve snapped out, lunging forward to snatch at Grant’s shirt, yanking him into his space, his fist railing him hard into his face before anyone had a chance to react. 

Bucky was ready to take Grant outside, his mind barely processing Steve pushing past him, the force so hard he stumbled sideways a little and all of a sudden he was hitting the guy in the face so hard he saw the blood before he hit the ground. The sight was slow and drawn out, reality soon zipping back to normal as Steve jumped on top of him and punched him again and again in a rage. A thick wet sound exploding into the air mixed with a startled grunt. Ward was not one to back down though, throwing his fist into Steve’s kidneys a couple of times to hinder him while they struggled on the floor, his fist grasping tight to his shirt, Steve striking him in the cheek, a punch hitting him in the jaw and another into his nose.

Clint managed to pull Bucky aside while Tony, changed out of his metal suit and into a actual suit, and Rhodey showed up quickly after someone got a hold of one of the security people, both them and Ward’s friend pulling them apart as the two of them tried fighting to get loose and at each others throats again.

“Let’s go Buddy, you have to leave.” Rhodey gruffly ground out, his grip tight, refusing to let Grant go. Tony shoved him towards the doorway that led back out to the main hall, trailing behind James with his eye on the friend.

Bucky moved to the sink, eyes locked on Steve parking himself on one of the stools as the crowd dispersed. He took one of the kitchen towels soaking it under the warm water before wringing it out.

“You take care of loverboy over there, I’m gonna go make sure he doesn’t come back inside.”

A sigh slipped out of Bucky, “I can take care of him Clint, it’s fine.”

The blond snorted, “Yeah, I see that especially with your guard dog but I’d feel better he didn’t come in trying to plan some sneaky shit. I’ll be back.”

Bucky could only nod watching after him as he walked back to Steve watching him rubbing his jaw with a wince his mouth hanging open to move it from side to side to make sure there was no reason damage. Bucky stood in front of him, gently cleaning up the blood caked around his nose, his friend peering at him carefully, “Who was that guy?”

Bucky shook his head, “He’s just a dick. He’s always hated Clint and that extended to hating me. You shouldn’t waste your time with him, he’s a fucking loser.”

“I can’t when I hear him talking shit about you Buck. He called you a slut and I told him to shut up before you got there.”

A small huff of a laugh escaped Bucky and Steve could only look at him in confusion, the brunette’s gentle fingers lightly brushing along his skin to check his face, “Rogers, _you’ve_ called me a slut too.”

“That’s fucking different. I do it as a joke, we’re best friends. I don’t say it with malice or insult.”

“It’s just a word, Steve. It’s not going to break me. I honestly don’t care if he calls me a slut, it’s not like he’s wrong. Seriously not even ten minutes ago I had sex in one of the bathrooms.”

Steve’s blue eyes gazed at him, strands of Bucky’s hair fell over his face while he took one of Steve’s hands in both of his, carefully studying the angry red gracing his purpling knuckles. He looked soft and gentle, he looked how Steve always saw him. That was Bucky to Steve. The drinker, the brawler, the smoker, the selfish lover those were nothing when he saw Bucky’s true colors; here he looked open and vulnerable, his guard down around him. It was all in his eyes and the softness in his face. This was Steve’s Bucky that he knew, the sweetness he hid that Natasha always alluded to and at some point in their friendship Steve had promised himself he would fiercely protect before he even realized it. And that was what those three possibly four people at this party saw in him too.

Steve raised his other hand up, a soft flick of his fingers brushing damp dark brown strands back into his hair, “You shouldn’t have to hear words like that though. Assholes calling you that like they’re trying to hurt you.”

Grey blue eyes stared into his blues and Steve forgot to breathe momentarily, Bucky giving him a fond smile that most likely meant nothing and to Steve meant everything. 

“Sometimes I wonder what I did to deserve a friend like you, Rogers.”

“I..what? You can’t be serious Buck.”

Something shy reached Bucky’s lips, busying himself with looking over Steve’s knuckles again, “No one really worries about me or cares about me unless there’s something in it for them. No one really looks at me for me outside the ones I’ve grown up with, you know? You seem to care. It’s..nice.” 

Bucky felt Steve’s hand slide down his cheek, his fingers dancing along his jaw, his index lightly pressed at the cleft of his chin, skin warm and soothing, gently convincing Bucky to look up and he did, losing himself in a sea of blue. Nothing was said between them and Bucky could only hear the sound of his heart beating faster, his body tensing in nervousness.

“Hey! There you are!” 

And like that, Steve’s hand was gone. Bucky immediately dropping his head to look as if he was finishing up what he was doing and then pulled himself off the stool with a smile plastered on his face while Sam walked over, lightly patting Steve and Bucky’s shoulders. “You both okay? Heard there was a fight.”

Steve ducked his head and nodded, “Yeah, some jerk talking crap about Bucky, I couldn’t help getting into it with him.”

Sam looked him over his friend quickly, laughing once he was satisfied, “That’s Steve for you, trying to right wrongs.”

Internally Sam’s heart was racing, he wasn’t exactly sure what was happening a few seconds before he got there but if Tony had caught wind of any of it it would have been an absolute nightmare. He forced himself to step in and interrupt it, saving the pair of them. Tony and Rhodey were most likely moments from coming back and the brunette hoped he was forgiven for breaking a ‘moment'.

Neither seemed too cut up about it though and he was glad, both looking a bit jumpy and haggard. At least Steve wasn’t looking too bad and from what Rhodes had said, he was standing up for Bucky which he knew would be something Tony was going to raise some sort of hell about already. Just when Sam was getting a nice buzz going too, not that he would trade anything to make sure Steve was out of any danger zones which seemed like a full time job sometimes. 

He grinned, putting an arm around Steve’s shoulders, checking out the light bruises coloring up his face, “You really don’t look too broken up. James said the other guy had a black eye and he said his nose might be broken, it was gushing so bad.”

Bucky soaked a clean hand towel with water, handing it over to Steve to wipe at the specks and drops of blood on his arms and costume, “I’ll get you some ice.”

“Well I guess I just bought a new costume. Next year I can be a zombie cop.”

Sam grinned, “See? There you go, planning ahead!”

He smiled, or rather winced at his friend and got a comforting pat on the back. 

“You okay? Need anything?”

“No, I think I’m good Sam, got a priest taking care of me.” 

He glanced over at Bucky to give him a smile and he shyly smiled back, rolling his eyes over the fact that Steve made him smile so stupidly easy. He came back with a small bundle of ice in their used wet towel, holding it out for Steve to press to his face. 

Rhodey made his way through, “Hey, you okay Steve?”

He nodded back, Sam pointed towards the stairs, “I’m going to give you some space since you have someone from the church here and all, your boy should be back soon but when you’re ready come down to the ballroom. Brock and I found a bunch of our old football team here, hashing out old times and plays. Everyone’s asking about you so join us okay?”

“Sounds like fun, just let me talk to Tony and I’ll join you all.”

James smirked, “Yeah, take whatever he says with a grain of salt he’s really stressed about some things not working and the fireworks display isn’t finish because something’s screwed up but of course he won’t say that. Good luck!”

Steve watched him turn on his heels and take off, throwing an arm around Bruce who was coming up the stairway only to be rerouted back down. Aside from the strangers, Bucky was only left beside him looking sheepish and staring at his shoes, “Are you alright?”

Bucky glanced up, looking at him like he wanted to say something but then a large group of people yelled from downstairs at something and it startled him into keeping his mouth shut, immediately nodding his head at his friend and forcing a smile on his face, “Yeah, I’m okay. You didn’t have to but thanks about..Grant and stuff. He’s a pain in the ass.”

He studied the brunette for a long moment wondering what he had wanted to say but realized it was probably not a good time to ask anyway even if Bucky wanted to answer him, “I should probably go wait for Tony by the stairs.”

Bucky nodded, “Have fun with that.”

Steve went out to the overhang of the second floor, watching everyone down below milling in and out of rooms and outside, a large crowd heading to the back when the live band outside started a new song, dance music playing from the side door of the ballroom. He watched Tony and Rhodey part ways when someone stopped James to speak to him, Tony looking up to catch Steve’s eye and he quickly took the stairs up. 

Bucky moved to leave the second kitchen area but immediately froze when he saw Tony coming up. He stole himself away, pretending to get another beer.

“Tony- ”

Steve started but Tony only shook his head, folding his arms over his chest, “What were you thinking Steve? I’ve never seen you leap and attack someone like that before!”

Bucky could see from where he stood, nervously drinking from the red cup by a handful of people blocking line of sight from the couple catching him and he immediately saw Steve’s jaw clench and defensively fold his own arms across his chest.

“Oh, now you’re not talking about it?”

The blond pursed his lips tight, almost glaring at Tony before he shrugged slightly, “Why? So you can lecture me like I’m a child? He was saying things about Bucky, I shut him up. I was doing the right thing so don't look at me like I've suddenly done something out of character. It was simple and out of anyone I would think _you_ of all people know how important my friends are.”

“Yeah but this is Barnes.”

Genuine confusion crossed Steve’s eyes for a second, “Yeah and?”

Tony only shook his head, “You talk about him like he’s been your friend for years, it’s only been a few months Sweetheart and you’re practically going for throats to defend him.”

Steve dropped his arms, a sarcastic expression across his face, a sneer mixed with a smile shaking his head unapologetically at his boyfriend, “He’s my _friend_ Tony. I care about him.”

That expression only caused the brunette to match it, “And that’s the thing isn’t it?” He drew in a long breath, pressing his hands together with a close of his eyes taking a moment before he opened them again and looked hard at Steve, “You grew up with Sam, right? You’ve known me, Rhodey, Banner even Odinson longer but Barnes, he got pushed ahead of the line as soon as you two met, didn’t he? I know you want to help people Steve, he’s got it, I know that lost puppy look he’s got but he’s not like that. He doesn’t need help.”

An irritated sigh escaped Steve as he brushed past the male, “You don’t even know what you’re talking about Tony.”

Stark grabbed his arm, turning his head towards him, “What hold does he have on you?”

Steve only seemed angry now, snatching his arm back, “Tony you’re being ridiculous right now.”

“Am I?”

Bucky shook his head, he couldn’t deal with the way they were eyeing each other, moving around the people he had stood by, leaving the common area to where they were standing. Steve had seen him first and his facial expression changed which only pushed Tony, turning to look.

“Bucky.”

Bucky waved his hands at them, shaking his head, “You both need to stop this. I don’t want either of you fighting with each other because of me.”

“Little too late for that.” Tony muttered out.

“Tony, _stop_.”

Bucky kept his mouth closed, looking specifically at Tony, who only eyed him with a clear expression of mottled annoyance.

Steve looked at Bucky carefully, “It’s alright Buck, we weren’t really fighting. Just..disagreeing on things.”

“Yeah like how it got suspiciously stuffy around here all of a sudden.”

“Tony.” 

Steve’s voice rang out a defensive tone, warning him and his boyfriend only frowned back. 

“It’s fine. You two, just..” 

Bucky wasn’t exactly sure what to say, he had no idea what his point was to cut into their conversation in the first place. He only had Steve in mind and worried about them starting some argument neither would get out of without some sort of damage. Tony seemed wild and Bucky always got the impression when he was fully invested in a fight, he was the epitome of an unleashed fire, he could see it in his eyes. With Steve, thick stubborn walls went up and he was ever so defiant if he had to defend what he believed in, fighting before really understanding what it was for or the consequences. He knew, he had been a recipient of it. 

“..Just don’t fight.”

The words tasted sour and bitter in his mouth, the selfish creature lurking inside of him hoping they tore each other apart but Bucky didn’t want to be there to pick up the pieces. He let out a small exasperated sound and left them, turning for the stairs, moving to make his way into the crowd distinctly hearing Steve call his name but he didn’t look back.

Tony’s hand was back on Steve’s, stopping him from chasing after Bucky, “Are you seriously going after him when all he said was a couple of lines and took off? Is your point of view _that_ skewed Steve?”

The blond made no effort to tear himself away, looking towards the crowd hesitantly before he turned back to him, “You don’t understand Tony..”

His other hand pressed against his, “Then tell me Steve, tell me what this big need to chase after him is because it’s sure looking real awkward right now.”

_He needs me._

It sat at the tip of his tongue, genuine and raw at just how true it was, how very brutally honest and completely innocent it was but he also looked at Tony’s face, features expressive with a soft scowl and the _hurt_ in his eyes was clear to him. 

“I just- I don’t know Tony. Guess it’s that instinct to take care of people.” 

It was all he could say right then without causing more problems or rifts between them. He softened whatever expression he was giving the brunette, leaning in to give him a hug and glad he reciprocated it. 

“I’m sorry Tony.”

“I just..I worry about you Steve. I know I’m not always there but it doesn’t diminish how much I care about you.”

He curled into his hold, nodding to the statement, he knew. Of course he did, it was just that he could barely control the monster that was growing in him that had a need to protect Bucky above everything else.

It was still early, almost midnight early, parties like these roared on until dawn but Bucky wanted to _go_. He was done and emotions were bubbling to the surface, tears threatening to spill if he didn’t blink them back quickly enough. He felt more of an outsider than he ever did before and he didn’t want to stick around, solace inviting him in to console him and he so badly wanted to take it. He drank down the rest of his beer, grabbing a shot off one of the trays a server had, knocking it back tossing the empty shot glass on a passing table.

He waded through the thick crowd, making a speedy route to the one person who wouldn’t say a word to him, wouldn’t deny him anything, even if he was drinking. Bucky needed him to take him home. Immediately.

Moving past the large opened doors into a much bigger space where people were sitting and chatting, music pulsed and played loudly through Bucky’s very being as he spied Jack and Brock talking with a group of guys, slowly recognizing old players that Brock used to play with, Sam in the group with them nodding and laughing with a huge fond smile across his face talking as if it was just yesterday they left each other. He didn’t want to break it up but he needed Brock and he could always come back. He waited til Sam was speaking, his arm lightly tugging Brock away insistently and the male was immediately concerned.

“What’s wrong Kiddo?”

Bucky refused to cry around all these people, he didn’t want to cry in front of Brock and beg him so he got his way. He forced himself to hold it all back, holding his hand feeling so very frustrated, “Can you please take me home Rummy?”

He knew he could have taken a cab, escaped without a word but he needed Rumlow, needed him to be there without any questions, his rock like he always was and as he knew all too well the raven haired male nodded, drinking down what was left in his red disposable cup and placed it down on the table at the side.

Bucky’s mind tried to process how much Brock had drank, how much he could tolerate, watching him slip back into the small group of males with a sway he was all too familiar with and Jack’s attention immediately turned to him as he spoke in his ear to let him know over the music that he would come back, Jack nodding to him. His green eyes staring hard at him for a second and Bucky knew he was gauging his tolerance level but truth be told, Bucky had ridden with Brock numerous times while he was hitting triple the speed limit and they were both too drunk and or high to even care. It became a joke to him that if he ended up dying because of it, at least he was having fun. 

It had been a long time though, a real long time asking him to get behind the wheel but right then, it’s all he really wanted to do.

Rumlow came back with a tag in his hand, “Let me just go get my keys and shit. Jack brought a backpack he put everything into and some clothes, I’ll meet you outside I’m parked out on the lawn by the fence on the far side.”

Bucky nodded to him, moving outside to the front entrance looking to see where Brock’s car was, completely missing Sam’s gaze watching him. 

The brunette turned to Jack, “Where are those two going?”

Rollins shrugged, “Bucky said he wanted Brock to take him home.”

The plan didn’t sit too well with the brunette, contemplating going outside to try and stop Bucky but he saw he was a little drunk too, judgment lacking especially with Rumlow and not sure if it was even his place. He pulled his phone out instead, really not wanting to pull Steve into it especially with Tony probably hovering next to him after the fight but it was the only person who plausibly may be able to talk Bucky out of such an irresponsible idea. 

  


A hand grabbed Bucky by his arm out in the cold air yanking him into the darkness, out of the brightly lit path he was walking along on, an alcove to the side, both hands dug into his cassock, slamming him against the outer wall.

Bucky’s own hands wrapped around wrists, realizing he was glaring at Ward, face cleaned up, the front of his shirt stained in a cascade of his own blood, "What the fuck do you want?!"

"I know you know where Alex is Barnes. We're gonna find out sooner or later, just wanna know he’s fine. Just because you helped him get out of here doesn't mean anything, he was _my_ best friend, you were just something useless, a friend of Brock's."

The warm stench of beer danced over his face but Bucky refused to pull his head back, "I don't fucking know where he is, you're right, I was only Brock's friend why would I know more than you about where he was?"

"Because!" 

Ward pulled him off the wall only to slam him firmly back into it, his head bouncing off it so hard he saw a flash of darkness but only stared harder into his eyes, his fingers warningly digging harder into the man's wrists not dealing with another assault from him.

Ward pressed in, brows furrowing, "He _liked_ you, he would have told you."

Bile rose up in Bucky, threatening to come out. He wanted to vomit at the idea, it was too much. He growled, wrenching the hands from his clothing, twisting Grant’s wrists and pushing him off of him with his entire weight, shoving him hard into standing pillar behind him watching brown eyes go wide slightly in sudden surprise.

"I don't! If I knew, I would tell you, I would tell his dad, I would tell everyone where he ran off too! I promise you Grant, I would tell the whole fucking world so you would all get off my fucking back about him!"

“Buck.”

They both turned their heads and Bucky let go of Grant, pushing him away as he stepped back with a deep scowl across his features. 

Brock stepped closer to his side, out of his costume and in a pair of black long shorts and a white tank top, “What he do?”

The brunette waved him off, “Same shit, asking me where Alex is like I would know.”

“He doesn’t know Ward.” 

He said it with such finality, his voice firm and clipped.

“You sure about that Rumlow?”

Grant stepped forward towards him, watching him carefully putting an arm around his shoulders like he used to do back when, his gaze dark and steely. There was something malicious to it, something Bucky didn’t like and he formed fists with his hands. 

Brock was way ahead of him though, shoving the brunette aside, “Don’t. I ain’t one of your dogs. Stay away from Bucky.”

“Rumlow, you don’t fucking scare me- ”

Brock grabbed a handful of his shirt, twisting his fingers into the fabric and clenching his hand, pushing him so fast by the wall Ward was practically dragging his heels in a struggle to keep with the backpedal, Rumlow pressing his fist into his solar plexus as he shoved him roughly into the concrete pillar, “I don’t huh? You wanna test that theory?”

He rammed his other fist hard into Ward’s stomach, listening to him groan out in pain, keeping him upright with the hand on his chest; he smiled slow and sweet making sure they were looking at each other eye to eye as he leaned into him close and intimate so Bucky wouldn’t hear, “You fuckin’ touch him again I’ll make sure you piss in a goddamn bag for the rest of your life, we clear? You corner him again, try to question him about Pierce, I’ll break your fucking legs, then your arms and I’ll do it nice and slow for you Ward I promise because I’m gettin’ real fuckin’ tired of you asking him the same fuckin’ question when he doesn’t know where that rat bastard went, we clear with that too?”

The male stared back with equal intensity but didn’t struggle or fight back against him, clenching his teeth, “Crystal.”

Brock let him go, eyeing the damage on his face already prominent and puffy, smirking at the work over, “Looks like I ain’t the only guy you pissed off tonight, better watch that mouth of yours, seems to be gettin’ you into a whole lotta trouble.”

The brunette scowled, “Didn’t mean shit.”

Brock snorted, “I do though so don’t forget what I said.”

Bucky felt Brock press his hand into his lower back and push him to start walking, he only followed his lead and sighed inwardly at what a fuck up of a night it was.

  


Steve’s phone chimed again and Tony finally pushed him away with an exasperated groan, frantically trying to catch his breath in the dark, a sliver of light slipping in through the gap under the door of the closet they managed to find unoccupied.

“Dammit, just answer the texts. That alert sound is killing my mood.”

Steve laughed apologetically, running a hand over his face, overheated and stuffy hiding away between linens and towels.

“I’m sorry, I should have turned it off when we got in here.”

Tony reached out for him, wrapping his arms around his waist, “It’s been beeping for the past five minutes, just answer it or shut it off so we can get back to what we were doing.”

Steve settled in pressed against Tony, unlocking his phone to scroll through six missed texts from Sam, concern immediately encroaching as he went back to the first message, Tony’s hands deftly pulling his police shirt out of his pants.

 _ **SamBam:**_ Hey Bucky just came over and got Brock to take him home, they’ve been drinking and I don’t know if it’s my place to stop him man.

 _ **SamBam:**_ Steve.

 _ **SamBam:**_ Don’t tell me you turned your phone off.

 _ **SamBam:**_ : /

 _ **SamBam:**_ Steve?

 _ **SamBam:**_ Dammit Steve turn on your phone, where are you?!

“Shit.”

His phone came alive in his hand, answering it immediately already pulling away and opening the closet door; his entire shirt untucked and his hair a mess neither of which he worried about as long as his pants were still up, “Hey Sam, I just checked my phone. Sorry I know, I was with Tony but I’m on it, thanks for telling me.”

“Steve what’s going on?”

He turned to Tony who was fixing his own suit jacket, “I’m sorry, Sam needs my help on something I’ll be back just enjoy the party!”

He broke out into a run before Tony could say anymore, distinctly hearing his boyfriend call after him but he had to find and stop Bucky before they left the lot.

He hadn’t even noticed Natasha when he pushed past a crowd by the stairwell, everyone was loitering in the worst places and he had to dip and bob around so many drunken people straggling about.

“Steve. Where are you going?”

He didn’t look back, “Bucky left with Brock, I don’t know. I got my texts too late he might be gone I have to go look for him.”

She jogged up to walk alongside him at his brisk pace at the bottom of the stairs, “They probably left a few minutes ago, he was already outside before that Brock just had to get his keys when I saw him over here.”

The new information forced him to reroute towards the coat check room, pulling his tag out, the person immediately turned and gave a quick look over finding his helmet and passing it over to him.

His steel blue eyes suddenly looked over at her accusingly, “Wait, you knew? No, no. Of course you knew. You would know what was going on, you seem to always know."

He didn’t know where the tone was coming from but he didn’t bother trying to change it either.

Natasha tried to grab his arm, “Steve, listen to me. You can’t go after him, you don’t even know where he went."

Steve tore his arm away as anger suddenly took over, barely talking over his shoulder with the massive amount of people and the music as he headed out the double front doors that were propped open, “It’s Bucky! I won’t ever leave him! How could you out of all people let him leave with Brock being that drunk?! He started drinking as soon as he came in!”

Natasha stared hard at him, still trying to keep up, the outrage across Steve’s face was deep, “Brock would never hurt him, Steve. You have to understand that. Are even you listening?”

He froze, turning to glare at her, “No, what I understand is that you just let him get into a car with a drunk, that’s what I understand! Natasha, it’s fucking Halloween, they’re not going to be the only pair drunk on the roads!”

Turning around again, he stormed through the long drive way and made a quick route to where his bike was quietly parked, nestled away from the torrent of vehicles parked up and down the long drive and all on the road and even across the wide cut lawns. 

Natasha jogged along side him, “I’m coming with you then.”

Steve wanted to protest but everything was pushing to the surface and he kept quiet. He held out the helmet for her not looking over as he approached his bike, “You don’t wear it, you don’t come.”

He sensed her stopping to consider the situation for a split second before taking the helmet to put it on while he climbed on and started the motor.

Steve knew he had a few beers too but it took a bit for him to get tipsy and with all the things he had been doing he never had too much of a chance yet to start drinking much.

  


_“You need to come to the hospital.”_

_“Why? What’s wrong? What’s going on?”_

_“We got into an accident. You really need to come quickly. I don’t know how bad it is, they..they won’t say anything.”_

  


The short conversation kept rolling and mulling through his head over and over again like a puzzle that held more than it was letting on. 

The lights were so damn bright. 

_Why do they have to be so fucking bright, Jesus._

His eyes read the signs as he jogged down through the corridors, rounding another corner, his mind completely blank trying to will his legs to move faster at least out of his long robe now to move without it getting in his way, he hastily had pulled on a t-shirt with his press pants not having time for anything else.

“James!”

Slightly bloodshot eyes turned to the sound of Natasha’s voice, almost tripping over his own long legs, scrambling himself to twist around a front desk counter and stumble into her awaiting arms holding her tight to him. Brock followed after him, rubbing his own eyes from the piercing lights. After their brief hug he gripped her upper arms tightly, staring down into her green eyes, “Where is he? What happened? Tell me everything.”

Natasha nodded, gripping his forearms with equal strength needing him to ground her, staring up into his frantic eyes with a slight shift legs feeling like jelly. Bucky had yet to register the bandaged gash on her forehead and the caked blood around her nostrils. Natasha felt Brock eyeing her carefully and slowly he absorbed everything that was happening, shifting closer as his fingers reached over to tilt her head a little and examine her while she spoke to Bucky.

“He’s been in and out of consciousness, we don’t know anything right now. They said they would send someone to tell us as soon as they could, but I don't know! It was really, I don't know James.."

 _Us_ echoed in his head, raising it to look around at a gathering of people already waiting around worriedly. Sam gave him a small nod standing nearby, his face tight with worry. Tony wasn’t here yet but he knew he would be soon especially if he caught wind of him being here. Some other people Bucky recognized from the party but never really met that knew Steve, of course Thor sat in the center his usually chipper expression tramped down somberly. Everyone was still half or fully in costume, looking like some sick nightmare, then again it really was. He had no idea if everything was sinking in for him, it wasn’t clicking altogether for him feeling like some kind of twisted joke was going on.

“He went to look for you after you had taken off, I went with him..” 

Her breathing came out rapid and light, Bucky looking her over finally, his eyes narrowing, “Nat are you okay?”

She nodded softly, brushing her delicate fingers across her forehead, “I’ll be fine. Really, I am James.”

“I’m sorry.” He pulled her close to his chest, holding her tight, his lips grazing the top of her head, “I love you so much.”

He felt her nod, trembling in his arms.

“Where’s Clint?”

“He doesn’t know. I didn’t call him. He’s still at the party, I just told him I would be back but after the accident I couldn’t bear to call him.”

Bucky drew her back to look at her face, “Natasha..”

“You know how he will get James. He’ll get upset I don’t want to worry him.”

“He’s your boyfriend, he always worries about you. You know how much that idiot loves you. I’m pretty sure he knows now, he’s going to get here as fast as he can. He hasn’t called you?”

“I don’t know if my phone got smashed up or if the police took it.”

“That’s fine, probably need a new one anyway."

He got a small smile out of her with his little joke and he selfishly needed that from her. His insides felt stiff, restricted. He could feel his anxiety coiling into a tight little ball directly behind his sternum, the discomfort tugging and digging inside him. 

Natasha held his hands, her thumbs gently stroking the backs of his knowing his cues by now, her eyes not leaving his, “Someone, some other stupid kids got on the wrong side of the road and Steve tried to swerve but they were..it just happened so fast and I can barely remember all the details. I just felt him wrap his arms around me and shield me. He took the brunt of it. I’m sorry James, I'm sorry! I should have stopped him from going after you..but he was so angry at me for letting you go, he wasn't going to listen he just kept walking out the doors. I couldn't stop him, I just couldn't.”

Bucky closed his eyes, shaking his head. She was blaming herself? 

“I shoulda talked to him. I shoulda known he would come after me on his motorcycle like an idiot. Fucking Steve. Fuck. Why can’t he just stay put?!”

Bucky moved back, grabbing fistfuls of his hair in annoyance, groaning in frustration. He released his hands, rubbing them through his hair again, staring at the ceiling in disbelief. That coil inside of him grew tighter. 

“Kid, c’mon. Come here.” Brock wrangled Bucky to stop mulling around in a circle, pulling him firmly into his chest to hold him there to hug him tightly, Bucky complying to him almost immediately. Natasha looked at Brock as he looked at her with a small thin line of worry, her hands brushing feather light across her bandage, reaching up to pat his bicep, nodding with a weak smile.

“Where is he?! Barnes better not be here!” 

Bucky wiggled from Brock’s arms, looking down the hallway. Sam raised his head to Tony’s voice and moved, immediately rushing over to position himself between the onslaught and so did Natasha. She pressed her palm on Bucky's chest readying herself, moving just so she was between Bucky and Sam as a secondary wall. His eyes flickered to Brock, watching his jaw clench, both hands loosely making a fists as he tensed his body. The impact of his decision to bring Brock _here_ of all the places right now quickly sank in. 

Tony rounded the corner, head pushed forward like a charging bull, Bruce chasing after his heels trying his best to keep Stark pulled back. Sam quickly rushed forward, his own hands pressing up against the brunette’s chest. 

“Ah! There he is! The biggest fucking thorn in my side to ever walk into Steve’s life! Are you enjoying this Barnes?! You like being a homewrecker?! Ruining people’s lives?!”

Sam dug his heels in the best he could, Bruce holding Tony back as much as he could muster, “Tony you need to calm down. You’re in a hospital.”

Bucky felt himself move forward towards the provocation but he stopped when Natasha gently pushed him back towards the wall. He tilted his head to the soft grumble of a growl coming at his side, Bucky’s hand pressing into Brock’s chest, holding a fistful of his tank top to stop him. As much as he had leverage to stop Brock right now, if Tony kept at it, he would not have it for very long. Rumlow had the tact of an attack dog and he was fiercely protective over him, Bucky knew to an extent how far he would go with no way to stop him. An arrest wasn’t off the table for him if it meant he made a point.

“Get the fuck out of here Barnes! You don’t even belong here, he’s not your fucking boyfriend!” Tony swung his hand to point to his own chest enthusiastically, “ _I am_. Get it through your thick skull!”

Bucky didn’t know why, well not exactly, but he felt the tears reach his eyes. His boiling anger ebbing to a soft shade of sadness at the words. He _wished_ he could change that, at least for five minutes in his life. His breathing picked up, the stress of the situation and anxiety welling up in him, a thick throbbing pain exposing itself; years of feeling like Steve was someone special even when he was out of school and never thought he would see him again, it stayed there in the back of his mind always and stuffed away in sketchbook or two he hid for no one to see. He mulled over the words, Tony still trying to grab at him even though they were at a large distance from each other. His heartbeat was racing, the rush of blood to his ears. He felt slightly dizzy, eyes still watching in a slow wave at Tony. 

_He’s upset, he’ll say anything to get you kicked out of here. He’s angry, he’s going to blame you._

The thing was, Bucky believed every word, his free hand nervously pressing against the leg of his pants trying to rid the cold hot clammy sensation on his skin. 

The station nurse threatened Stark with a call to security if he didn’t calm down.

The hold of his hand against Brock’s chest strained a little. He didn’t even hold him, Brock was only letting him know he wasn’t going to stand for this for much longer.

Bucky shook his head suddenly, “No, I’m not his boyfriend Tony, but at least I’m there for him.” 

He pushed, his voice shaky and weak but he pushed back. He would always push back because no one could take away how he felt for Steve even if it was futile.

The brunette glared at him, Rhodey had arrived from the elevators, taking in a moment to see the whole situation unfolding.

“That’s rich coming from you. Didn’t you just bat your eyes at him and act like you were _so hurt_ about us having an argument to bait him into your good graces like I know you’ve been doing? Lucky I stopped him but someone,” His eyes bore into Sam, pushing at him roughly, “Was able to convince him to go running after you.”

Rhodey moved over to hold Tony back with Sam shaking his head at his best friend, “Tony, Tony! His friend was drunk driving, you _know_ Steve! Come on!”

Bruce watched a pair of nurses standing at the reception desk on the phone and waving their hands, no doubt actually calling security.

Tony only shook his head angrily, glaring at Bucky again, “He didn’t have to go after him, this wouldn’t have happened! Thank you so much for being there for him, I’m so fucking glad his life is in danger because he got on the road to look for your sorry ass. You’re not even worth looking for and now Steve is God knows what. He got hit by a car because of _you_! This is all your fault, don’t you forget that you _piece of shit_!”

No, Bucky would never forget that. The sting of tears welling up in his eyes and blurring his vision came back.

“Don’t listen to him Kotyonok.” Natasha pressed her hand against his face to distract his gaze, bringing it down to her, soft features trying to calm him down with light strokes of her fingertips.

“Stark shut the hell up if you want to wait for Steve. You need to calm down!” Sam barked, trying to snap him out of his aggression. 

There was a brief sound of shout, a heated growl deep from Brock’s throat and Bucky didn’t know when his arm had fallen from against his friend’s chest but there was a heavy dull thud against a wall, chips of plaster clipping the floor.

Nat looked past him, dropping her hands, “Brock, no stop!”

Bucky quickly raised his head, Sam and James were sprawled flat on their asses looking towards the wall, Bruce standing with his hands held up in surrender. Brock had pushed past the trio to press Tony up into the wall, his fists full of Tony’s dress shirt. He effortlessly held him up off the floor, Tony’s feet dancing a little into the air while Brock’s eyes bore into Tony’s saying something no one could hear. 

Heavy footsteps came from where the elevators were located, Brock taking just the moment to pull Tony closer to him, inches from him before roughly shoving him back into the wall. Tony’s head making a sickening sound into the surface. Two pairs of arms grabbed at Brock’s shoulders and biceps, pulling him away from Tony and Brock let go sending the male down to the floor in a heap. 

Brock’s eyes were wide and dark, anger encompassing with grit teeth and seething controlled fury letting the guards pull him back, “Watch who you call a piece of shit, Stark! I won’t be so fuckin’ nice next time! I don’t fuckin’ care who the fuck you are!” 

Bruce helped Tony shakily get up, obviously startled and rattled but the tense look on his face came back when his eyes met Bucky’s, pointing his fingers at him and Natasha, “Get them out too. I don’t want them here!”

Sam stepped forward imploringly, “Tony, you can’t just kick them out.”

“Tony, stop, think about what you’re doing right now..” Rhodey reasoned.

His eyes flashed angrily at friends, wide and wild, a wash of color splashing across his features, “I’m paying for Steve’s medical bills, I can make the decision on who should be or not be around Steve so he’s safe!”

Bucky stared at Tony in disbelief, his hands trembled and he couldn’t stop them. He was overtaken only by the sadness that sat over him but he refused to let Tony see the tears fighting to come up and out of him.

Natasha softly gripped his arm, coaxing him gently to move while two security personnel gestured that they get moving, “Come on James, let’s go.”

Everyone else stood around in shock and silence, Sam shook his head while he dusted himself off. “You really shouldn’t have done that. They’re only friends Tony- ”

Tony snapped his head around so quickly to launch a fierce glare at him that Sam almost took a step backwards, “ _Friends_? I thought you were my friend until I saw you encouraging them, laughing it up like nothing they were doing was bad! Who the hell knows how many things I’ve missed and to see you not batting an eye..I thought we were friends!”

Sam raised his hands slightly, “Tony, we are friends. It’s nothing like how you’re seeing. Steve would never cheat on you, you know that..”

Tony narrowed his eyes at him, face flushed and his body stiff, a palm pressing against the cool off colored wall, “Is that the line you’re sticking to Wilson? You’re going to make a very lousy therapist if it is.”

“That’s unneeded Tony. We know you’re upset but don’t talk to Sam that way.” Bruce cut in before anything further could be said, his mouth forming a hard grim line.

Rhodey shook his head, pulling an arm around Tony’s shoulders, looking at the other two, “Listen, stop. Steve got into an accident, leave Tony alone to breathe. It’s good he got Barnes out of here, maybe they are friends and he’s here for support but he can do that at home. It’s better for Tony to be here, he’s his emergency contact, it makes sense to just leave it like this. Let’s not throw around the blame, the situation is diffused, let’s just wait for word on Steve, okay?”

Bruce nodded, backing up while Sam only folded his hands over his chest refusing to move, his eyes not leaving Tony’s face, frowning in disapproval, “My name’s on his emergency contact long before you were Stark so the next time you wanna say something to my face about not being a friend, think about Steve’s judgment before throwing it around in people’s faces. You two may be dating but he’s my brother, we may not be blood but we’ve always been brothers. I’ll always support him and be there for him while you go tinker away with your toys.”

Guilt flickered across his eyes before he finally dropped his arms and walked away from the situation. He knew he could have gotten away without saying the last line but the very fact that he was accused of covering up something and that he had lousy judgment when all he did was have Steve’s best interests at heart and support him in anything he wanted to do; upset or not, Tony crossed a line with him and he tried his best to chalk it up to being upset.

It was barely morning when Bucky, Natasha and Brock were escorted out of the main elevator doors of the hospital. Brock restlessly opening and closing his hands into fists, staring straight ahead. Two figures perked up at their arrival just outside, running through the automatic front double doors and Natasha couldn’t hold any expression except her unmistakable joy towards one in particular.

“Clint!”

The blond said nothing, rushing over to the three of them and gathering Natasha up in his arms, holding her firmly around her small waist to lift her up and crush her tight to his chest. He swayed back and forth slightly, gripping her tight, “Oh my god I just heard and we took a cab..fuck.."

Jack quietly stood behind Clint, looking at Bucky with a wary feeling at the way he looked so broken especially with the security tailing them, his eyes falling to Brock’s hands before their eyes met.

Clint set Nat down, examining her face fervently, “Are you alright?”

She smiled at him, warm and sweet, nodding rapidly and keening to his delicate touches with tears in her eyes. “Steve took the brunt of everything, I’m..alright.”

“Sir, you need to step out of the way, so we can escort these three off the property.”

Ignoring security and ecstatic, Clint only pulled Natasha to him again, burying his face in her fiery red hair clutching her tight, “I love you Nat.”

Bucky looked at the guards, “Just give them two seconds, she was in the accident too. We’re going peacefully.” His eyes glanced at Brock and the brunette only glared back, silently folding his arms over his chest, shifting his eyes to look at Jack.

They all climbed into the Impala restless and quiet. Brock punched the wheel in anger, starting up the engine.

“I shoulda fucking punched his face in, the asshole prick that he is.”

Natasha peeked her head from the backseat rubbing Brock’s tense shoulder, “It wouldn’t have helped, you would have gotten arrested.”

“And his face would be broken, who gives a shit?” He spat back.

Bucky sighed, staring out the window. His mind was blank, staring at a text from Sam saying he promised he would keep him updated, “Can we stop at my house, need to pick up some things and change out of these pants.”

A grunt came out beside him and Brock peeled out of the parking lot and off onto the road. When they pulled up in front of the entry way, Bucky gave Brock’s shoulder a squeeze, “Give me five or ten I’ll be as quick as I can. Five most likely.”

He nodded, changing the station on the radio. 

Natasha climbed out after Bucky, “I’ll come with you.” She rubbed his back lightly as he both let themselves inside, lights on in the main hall which only caused Bucky to freeze in dread.

“Shit.”

“James, is that you?”

Bucky looked at Nat, “Shit.”

Natasha felt Bucky immediately tense, her hand pressing against his arm to try to keep him calm, fingers softly stroking his skin. George Barnes emerged from a side room office in pressed black slacks and a pale blue dress shirt, tie undone around his neck and hair still slicked back.

“So James, I come home very late and I’m exhausted. I still have paperwork to do when I find out my son is having an argument with Tony Stark in the middle of a hospital floor of all places. I’m not sure where in your mind you thought that was the best way to handle the situation.”

Bucky dropped his head and Natasha pursed her lips for a moment before raising her head defiantly, “He wasn’t arguing, Tony was yelling at him. He didn’t do anything.”

Grey steel eyes glared at her, looking almost offended she was speaking back at him. “Natalia, I’m not speaking to you. Setting Brock on him is hardly nothing.”

Bucky snapped his head up, shaking it vehemently, directly facing his father in front of him taking a step forward to deflect him, “No! No! Brock was only trying to scare him, he didn’t even hi- ”

The strike was quick and sharp, the warmth and sting immediately blooming against Bucky’s cheek. His hand rushed to the spot automatically stopping him from what he wanted to say. His eyes stayed open wide and surprised as his head dropped down again in submissive silence. He tasted the copper mixing into his mouth with his saliva, a grimace pressed on his lips. At some point Natasha’s hand moved to grip his shoulder and give it a squeeze before it slid down his back, reminding him she was there and to let the storm pass through so they could get out of there because it was really all they could do or there was further hell to pay.

Jaw clenched, the older man stepped forward grabbing Bucky by his bent elbow, his fingers jabbing hard and firm into his skin as he leaned in next to his face, “I don’t want to hear any more about you fighting with Tony Stark, do I make myself clear? I know you enjoy whoring yourself around all over New York but use some tact when you’re dealing with someone tied with the Stark name, _especially_ when they’re in a relationship with the head of Stark industries. I may not work for them but we have a business partnership and you know this very well James. I will not have you embarrassing your mother and I over a childish crush on whoever Steve Rogers is. It’s bad enough you and Jonathan make no attempt at hiding the mortification both your mother and his have to deal with while you both act like a pair of dogs.”

Colors of pain and disappointment flashed through Bucky’s mind, nothing else coming to him. He could feel the deep bruises forming in his arm, his eyes dancing over the designs on the their floor.

His father jerked his arm with a snap of his wrist, jostling Bucky to drop his hand off his face and he nodded quickly his shoulders shifting back on instinct to pull away, “Yes sir. I understand.”

He drew back, releasing Bucky’s arm, “Good. Natalia, help him get some things together. I don’t want to see his face today.”

Natasha ground down on her teeth, carefully maneuvering Bucky around his father and up the stairs. He retrieved his key from his pants pocket to unlock his door, green eyes turning to look back but Mr. Barnes was already gone.

“James, Are you alright?”

“I’m fine Nat.” His voice was so low with his chin pushed into his chest as if he was trying to will himself away from everything, he made his way to the bathroom to wash his mouth out, his pale skin showing off the burst of dark red on his cheek. The door shut closed behind him and hastily turned the taps on before crumbling to the floor across the room against his clawfoot tub with his face in his hands. He wasn’t crying, he forced himself not to though he left himself in an absolute state of panic. His eyes darting beneath his eyelids trying to replay the conversation, every detail, every possible meaning behind everything because it was never so simple. His father was never so simple aside from what happened, there was _more_ to it, there always had to be more. 

Natasha didn’t wait for a possible second round, picking up his duffel bag from the closet, rummaging through Bucky’s hangers and drawers for at least a weeks worth of outfits and underwear tossing it all together without a second glance. She threw in a few things laying around that she knew he would use and zipped it up, shouldering it. A set look of fiery resentment and rage across her emerald eyes.

Bucky emerged in a new change of clothes and his face somber with finger marks burned into his arm. If Natasha could, she would have killed George Barnes, shaking the idea out of her head with a soft look as she opened the door.

“Let’s go home Kotyonok.”

He glanced over and nodded, pausing back to pull on a zip up hoodie, knowing he had fucked up. It was entirely his fault they knew Steve mattered to him because he was dumb enough to think his mother cared. Dread sank in that this may not be the last time it was going to be mentioned and the information was going to come back and bite him in the ass again sometime soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *nervous laughter*  
> BTW, [StarSpangledBucky](http://archiveofourown.org/users/StarSpangledBucky/), you tha real MVP.
> 
> Don't drink and drive. >:(  
> Oh yeah, Happy Fathers Day! I swear it wasn't planned this way. -_-


	17. Please don’t make me do this.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When it came to his father, Bucky knew everything wasn't so cut and dry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Chapter 17 pic/gif](http://kalika999.tumblr.com/post/147940240330/hunger-of-the-pine-chapter-17-when-it-came-to)
> 
> Before starting, I want to make it perfectly clear that there is one part where Steve is clearly not of right mind. I’ve tried to make that evident but I don’t want anyone getting upset over his momentary fit of anger later in the chapter. 
> 
> Warnings:  
> \- Mild anger and violence.  
> \- Emotional abuse. / Depression. / Improper use of medication.  
> \- Winterstorm smut. (If it's not your thing skip the massage and pick up at: "Kiddo, c'mon wake up.")  
> \- Overdose/seizure/mentions of vomiting and a bloody nose.
> 
> Levka - Lion  
> Dolcezza - Sweetheart

**Early November, 2015**  
  
  


Bucky and Natasha never said a word in the car when they got inside, Brock already upset and with all that happened they didn’t want to further darken the mood, not today at least. He tugged his phone out when it began to ring and Sam’s number was on the screen, suddenly forgetting his father in hopes that his friend had some good news.

“Sam, you’re on speaker. Any news?”

“One of the emergency doctors just got done talking to us. Steve is stable and he has all the normal things from being in an accident; road rash, a mild concussion, bruises, wrist sprain. He broke a couple of ribs that ended up puncturing his lung but they have a chest tube in him and they assured us he was fine. If it wasn’t for his lung he probably would have been free to go the day after.”

Natasha reached from the backseat gently rubbing Bucky’s shoulder when she saw the worry still in his eyes, “Sam, is he awake?”

“No, they’ve got him doped up but his heart rate is good. I’m about to go sit with him for a little while, Tony’s there right now and I wanted to let you all know as soon as I did.”

He hesitated, sucking in a breath of air, “Okay also, I know this shouldn’t be a surprise after earlier but if any of you decide to check on him while Tony isn’t here, don’t bother. He’s got a guard posted but in his defense, the hospital kind of offered it to him when you were all kicked out and he was already upset then so he took them up on it. I’m working on getting him to change his mind. Give me a couple days, let him have some time to get out of the place he’s in I’m sure he’ll fix it.”

Bucky dropped his head and didn’t feel like talking anymore, handing the phone to Nat before curling up in the passenger seat. 

Natasha ran a hand through Bucky’s hair, Jack and Clint exchanging looks, “Thank you for the update Sam and I’m sure you’re right.”

“Tony’s just upset, you know? I’ll call if anything comes up, you all get some rest.”

“We will, goodnight.”

Bucky took his phone back, the side of his head pressed against the class of the window, “Brock, turn down this road.”

He raised a brow but turned all the same, Bucky giving further directions til they ended up in front of the diner by Steve’s apartment.

“What’re we doing out here?”

Bucky opened the door and got out, grabbing his overnight bag that Natasha had packed, “I love you all, you know I do but I think I want to be alone right now. Nat, I’ll grab some food over here so I eat and I think I’m going to stay at Steve’s for the night.”

Brock pursed his lips, “Kiddo..”

Sighing helplessly, Bucky shook his head, “Please, you all know where I’ll be. I just need space, this is too much and I feel really lost right now. I’ll see you all tomorrow.”

He stepped back before anyone could reply and closed the door, stepping into the diner all of them watching him walk up to the cash register.

“The hell I’m going to sit here and listen to him say he’s going to be alone.” Brock muttered out, getting to his seat belt.

Natasha pressed a hand to his shoulder, “Maybe we should let him, he’s had a bad night. We know where he is, I’ll keep checking on him and George was home. I think James wants to say goodbye.”

It was Jack’s turn to look at her incredulously, “What do you mean George was there? What happened?”

“I don’t know, he was waiting for James to get home. Someone told him about the hospital because he knew everything, told him he doesn’t want about him getting into anymore fights with Tony again. He never said it outright but to avoid upsetting Tony, James is probably going to try to distance himself from Steve.”

Clint sat back thinking with his face tight, glancing out the window through the slatted blinds at Bucky sitting on the stool with his back to them and his head tucked low. He nudged Brock’s shoulder, “Let’s get going. Give him the night, it’s late we can check on him like Natasha said and he’ll be home for dinner tomorrow. You know how he gets when he needs time alone.”

Jack really didn’t want to leave Bucky alone, the idea rubbed against the grain and from the sound Brock made while he was reversing out, he was feeling the same way but there was nothing they could really do. Bucky asked for it and he would end up arguing for it. Like Nat had said, he already had a bad night and maybe it was a good idea to give him some space. He stared out the window, arms folded over his chest still in his costume, the night sky out for a few more hours at least. He said nothing, settling back to let his eyes close. 

“What’s with the long face, Sweetie?”

Bucky snapped his head up, staring at the money in his hand before placing it down on the counter beside the till, Angie staring at him with a big smile that softened a little the more when she got a real look at him. 

“I um, it’s nothing. Could I get a cheeseburger combo to go please?”

She gave him a nod, taking the money to ring up the order and write it down, sliding the small sheet of paper through the kitchen window, “Order up Charlie!”

She placed the change on the counter by Bucky’s fingers, chewing carefully at his lethargic expression before she lightly patted his hand turning to get his drink. Bucky looked up with a small frown, grasping at her fingers to get her to turn back before he completely withdrew. He squirmed on the red colored stool, hunching forward against the counter top, he took a second to take the change to drop it into the tip jar.

“Steve’s in the hospital. He got into an accident.”

Angie immediately grabbed his hand, gripping it firmly, “Is it serious?”

Sadness filled Bucky’s eyes on top of fresh tears, he shrugged helplessly tilting his head towards the doors, “I don’t know if he really is. A friend told us he’s got broken ribs and a punctured lung but, my friends and I got kicked out so we can’t wait it out to see him.”

“Who in the world kicks someone as sweet as you from the hospital?!” The brunette bristled, pressing angry fists into her hips, face pinched.

Bucky shrugged softly, “I don’t even know if it’s worth complaining about..”

“Let me guess. Tony Stark? That man, he may be a genius but he sure can’t leash that jealous streak of his.”

Bucky could only look at her in confusion and she nodded at his reaction, “Oh yes, I know Mr. Stark’s uppity reactions. It’s one of the things I like teasing Steve about but to kick you out, that’s a bit over the top.”

He shrugged lightly, dropping his chin down on his arm, “He thinks I’m trying to steal Steve away..”

Angie gave him a sympathetic smile, reaching over to rub his forearm giving it a gentle squeeze, “Oh Honey, I’m sorry.”

She walked away to get his soda, a gasp from the drink dispenser caused his head to lift up, speedily walking back she put a lid on the top with an eager smile across her face and Bucky was almost afraid to ask what she had up her sleeve.

“My best friend Eng-er..Peggy works there you know, as a shift nurse, I bet if I ask, she could get you in to see him!"

Bucky sat up, shaking his head, “Oh, I don’t want to bother- ”

“Oh no Handsome, you ain’t getting away from seeing ol’ Stevie Boy if I have anything to say about it! I know Steve and he’s a good kind soul, he wouldn’t want to miss a Sweetheart like you beside his bed!” She plucked one of the diner’s business cards from the small holder, placing it before Bucky with her pen, “Gimmie your number and I’ll give her a call and I’ll let you know what she can do alright?”

Bucky tried not to get his hopes up but he knew from the look on Angie’s face that he wasn’t hiding it too well and he was excited. He jotted down his number, behind her one of the cooks slid his take out container at the window hitting the service bell. 

Angie grabbed the food and Bucky’s drink, sliding it out for him, slipping the business card into the pocket of her apron where she kept her tips and Bucky held her hand, “If I manage to see him, I..I owe you big.”

She beamed giving him a playful wink, “I want to do this for you. I don’t know if Peggy can work miracles but we can try just to get you in there tomorrow; if anyone can, she will.”

  


Steve’s apartment was so silent when Bucky stepped inside, setting the container of food and his drink on the kitchen table. He stared at a half drunk cup of coffee with milk curdling at the surface, he frowned at it putting it into the sink. His mind went into automatic, picking up one of Steve’s jackets to place it back on the wall hook by the doorway. Picking up a pair of pencils off the floor, he rested them on the coffee table before he folded up the big comforter on the couch and returned it to the bedroom.

He was hopeful about the news, there was something about Angie like she was making sure she wouldn’t want to let anyone down and he felt like he could trust her with figuring something out. He had to see if Steve was alright for himself, get him alone to tell him how sorry he was for all of everything. 

Tears sat at the corners of his eyes, startled at the sound of his phone coming alive as he moved back down the hallway, “Hey Nat."

Natasha sat on her couch finally home listening to Bucky briskly move through the hallway. “Where are you going, I thought you were heading to bed?”

“Nowhere, I’m putting some things away. Why are you worrying?”

“Because you just found out your boyfriend’s boyfriend banned you from going to the hospital. Usually you wouldn’t take things so lightly and I stopped Brock from going inside that diner to pick you up and haul you back into the car because you know he’s capable of doing that even though I completely agree with him that you shouldn’t be alone but you wanted to be so I gave that to you.”

She heard a creak of a cabinet hinge, then a soft sound of something heavy set on a surface. A frown flourished across her face when she heard the familiar sound of that distinctive cap unscrew.

“So, I guess I stand corrected."

Bucky huffed, “I’m alright Nat. Gonna relax and I’ll be asleep pretty soon here.”

“You mean drink yourself to sleep.”

He paused, shrugging to himself, quietly popping the top of his prescription bottle to knock one of the pills onto the counter. Picking up a butcher knife, resting the side against it to grind it down with the heel of his hand mixing it into the vodka. He tipped his head back slightly, drinking down as much as he could before the burning stopped him; coughing as he ran the back of his hand against his lips, “Same shit, not even completely full.”

Natasha pulled herself from where she sat stepping around the coffee table absently, Clint glancing up at her instantly knowing something was amiss, “You can’t drink your problems away James.”

The blond frowned after reading her lips, watching Natasha ball her hand into a fist lightly striking her thigh in annoyance. He signed at her and she looked at him nodding gratefully.

Bucky took another drink from the bottle, sauntering across the kitchen, fiddling with the aged old locks that hadn’t been used for a while except for when Steve wanted to open it for his Halloween corpse, the window stubbornly groaning out and creaking as he finally managed to open it, the sides of the frame sticking a bit. He climbed out onto the fire escape, a slight whine of his weight against the frame made him take a moment to consider going back before he took another swig from his bottle. The biting early morning air sinking deep into his bones, his breath fogging out before his lips.

“I’m not. I just need help sleeping. I keep remembering how much of a piece of shit I am.”

He dropped himself down to sit on his heels beside the fake corpse, Steve’s dark blue sweats against its thighs, his fingers running along them timidly. He drank more of the vodka, his eyes brimming with tears again. His heavy breath plumed into the night sky, the chill caressing his skin with a soft breeze coming at him from the side. 

“You’re not a piece of shit, Kotyonok.”

“I coulda fucking gotten him killed Nat! I coulda gotten _you_ killed! How does that not get into your mind? Steve could have died because he was chasing after me, _**Me**_! He risked his life because I left with Brock and he got hurt over it.”

“Because you could never do that to me. I know it was never your intent to have him chase after you and so does Steve. Neither of us would blame you for this. _You_ need to believe that too and stop blaming yourself for it. You’re only repeating Tony’s words back and none of what he said is true he was only upset.”

She knew he wasn’t listening too much, his small sucks of air and faint sniffling pushing him the wrong direction. His phone fell into his lap and the bottle sat at the floor, his hands buried into his face crying harder.

 

Clint tilted his head out the fire escape window curiously finding Bucky leaned against the wall of the building beside the window with his head back, his eyes tired and glazed over as he lifted the bottle but found nothing inside. He sighed absently letting it roll off his fingers and against the grating. 

Shoes scraped along the frame and Barton groaned, “There you are! I walk in and there’s no one all over the place I almost thought you left and forgot to lock up and then I was shitting myself trying to figure out how to get out of here without doing the same thing!"

Bucky turned his head slowly to watch Clint angle his way out and sit down on the window frame, letting out a small shiver, “Geez Buck have you been here since your call? It’s freezing!”

He snatched up Bucky’s arm and saw blue tinged fingers, “Are you trying to kill yourself you Dummy? Come on, inside. Now.”

“I don’t care.” Bucky muttered out and his friend only frowned, leaning in close to hold him by his chin and examine his face. 

Clint wiped out the dried tear tracks and tilted his head back towards the window, “Come on, I’m sure Steve doesn’t wanna come home and find your drunken ass corpse on the fire escape beside a fake corpse.”

With a little effort he managed to wrangle Bucky inside, the brunette’s legs barely working, his whole body cold. Clint dropped him down on the couch, jogging off down to the bedroom to grab a blanket and throw it over him.

“I hate you. You better not be going into shock or anything, if Nat finds out I got here too late and you need to go to the hospital I’m dead. I’m literally going to be fed to my dog. Sometimes I think she loves you more than she loves me. You hear me Buck?”

Grey eyes rolled forward to look towards where Clint was standing before him not entirely acknowledging, his head fell back against the couch, mouth slightly open and slack, Barton’s hands coming forward to rub down Bucky’s arms. Clint frowned, examining his eyes, “Buck you take your pills?”

“Hmm?”

“Your anxiety meds, did you mix it with the booze?”

Bucky smiled at him, his head tilting to the side with a shrug. He stared for awhile blankly at his friend before he realized who was there, blinking slowly as he focused, “Clint?”

“Yeah it’s me, are you okay? Are you cold? You want something to drink?”

A groan escaped him as he leaned back against the couch again, speech slow and slurred, “Where’s my vodka?”

Clint got up to get him a glass of water, coming back and forcing him to drink some of it, “You drank it all, couldn’t even invite a guy over. You wanted your very own pity party I guess.”

Everything seemed to all click into place at once, Bucky pushing the glass away breaking down into tears again, “Oh God Steve..”

Clint watched him bury his face in his hands, feeling so very helpless. He frowned, squatting himself down between his legs, his hands lightly resting on the brunette’s knees staring hard at him with concerned eyes. 

“Bucky, he didn’t die and the only reason he did those things is because he really cares about you. And I know you, you really love him. You’ll never stop loving him. I knew you loved him while we were smoking in the bathrooms as kids. Did you know that was the same Steve that had all those doctor’s notes and would sit on the bench during gym class?”

Bucky froze, raising his tear stained face up slightly to meet Clint’s eyes, “What?” 

There was something besides shock and fatigue in Bucky’s tear filled eyes, some kind of anxiety and worry like he was alarmed he missed some sort of important detail. It probably was valid, at least for Bucky because it was relating to something with Steve and that meant everything to him. 

Clint nodded, “That was little Stevie Rogers. You were always watchin’ him from afar, asking me if I knew he was okay. _‘Why he was always stuck on the bench while we all played dodgeball?’_ You would chew out Brock to leave the _‘Shrimpy kid’_ alone, he was _‘doin’ nothin’ wrong’_ when Brock would purposefully kick the ball by his head to scare him while it was recess time. You were laughing because Steve was gettin’ up to say a thing or two at Rumlow like he had with another kid trying to bully him before. ” 

A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth, remembering those words. 

“That really was Steve..” 

Concern crossed his face but that was elementary school, how could he have forgotten something like that? Clint watched him, “If you’re wondering where he went, he left later that year. No idea why, he was just gone. You could always ask him when you see him again.” 

Bucky watched Clint smile encouragingly, he knew that look. He wanted Bucky to have something to ask Steve, to open something up instead of bottling himself up. Clint was a little fucker in his own way. He knew Bucky would ask because Bucky wanted to know more about knowing Steve before he thought he knew Steve. The only thing wrong with Clint’s observation was that he was sure he wasn’t in love with Steve.

 

Bucky awoke to his phone ringing and his head hurting, mouth feeling dried out and still in last nights clothes with one of his legs hanging off the bed. He turned his head to the side, Clint passed out and drooling on Steve’s pillow. This was another time he was jealous of Clint’s deafness.

He groaned, rolling over to his other side to get to his phone answering it as he attempted to keep his eyes open, “Hello?”

“Finally! Are you up for a visit to ol’ Steve?”

Bucky sat up so fast he felt his head punch him back, wincing as he pressed his palm against his forehead, “Whenever your friend can get me in Angie, I’m all yours.”

“Ohhh! Three of my favorite words when it comes to handsome men like yourself! Peggy said lunch would be the best bet, she knows the guard the hospital put up for his room and he’s known to be a little bit of a flirt from time to time. She said she could take him for a quick lunch break? It won’t give you much time, maybe about fifteen minutes Honey.”

So much weight came off his shoulders all of a sudden, closing his eyes in happiness, “Anything Angie, whatever she can offer I’ll take as long as I get a few minutes to see Steve for myself and make sure he’s okay.”

She made a small affectionate noise, “You’re both _so adorable_ , tell him I wish him a full recovery! Peggy said to meet her at twelve sharp at the level 1 parking by the smoking area so you aren’t by the doors, she’ll sneak you in, got it?”

Bucky nodded, “Yeah, got it. I owe you Baby.”

“You keep sweet talkin’ like that and you can consider it paid off.”

He laughed, “I’ll call you and let you know what happened later from..the number you’re calling me from?”

“Yep! I’ll be waiting Handsome.”

They hung up just as Clint was rubbing his eyes to wake up, signing sluggishly about having to go in to work soon, Bucky looked at the time, cursing himself. He quickly signed about Angie and the hospital, the pair of them scrambling to get out of bed, contacting Natasha about the visit.

Natasha accompanied Bucky to the hospital opting to let him sneak inside while she stood watch just in case Tony decided to pop in unannounced though Peggy had stated he was going to be in around dinnertime to stay overnight. 

Cautiously closing the door when he got inside he turned around to Sam looking at him in surprise while he was stepping out of the bathroom, a hand rushing up to Bucky’s chest, “Jesus Sam you scared the crap out of me!”

Sam looked offended, “Me?! What about _you_? I definitely wasn’t expecting you to be here today.”

Bucky explained about being snuck in and Sam stepped forwards to wave a hand at him, “You snuck in and only got a few minutes? Here, I’ll go find Nat and sit with her okay?”

“Sam, you don’t- ” 

He only smiled, walking over to close the blinds they had for the observation windows to block anyone from looking into the private room, “I know but I’m doing it anyway. It’s alright Bucky, if this is your only shot I won’t get in the way.”

“Thanks Sam.”

He nodded giving him a smile as he let himself out. Bucky waited til he was alone, turning around to stare at Steve's sleeping face while he was laid out. He knew what Sam said, he believed Sam completely but Steve looked so pale and it frightened him timidly taking a few steps forward. His chest rose steadily then down again, uncovered from the waist up with wires and bandages. A tube was inserted into him at his left side below his armpit draining fluids; scrapes and bruises peppering all over his skin, a particularly nasty one darkening on his shoulder. 

Bucky shifted to climb into the small empty space Steve’s body didn’t take over at the edge of his bed, “Steve? Can you hear me? It’s Bucky.”

He didn’t stir and Bucky warred over raising his voice to not bothering, unsure if he should be there in the first place or if he should even disturb him.

Sighing inwardly, he took Steve’s right hand into both of his, “I need you to wake up."

Bucky felt that heavy weight of his anxiety rise through him, his throat burning trying to swallow down any sort of negativity his insides wanted to bring out. Lifting Steve’s hand up, he nuzzled his fingers, shifting his body closer to hug his arm to his chest, staring at the serenity on his features.

Tears welled up in his eyes, already crying as he tried blinking them to clear his sight. His brows sagged, face already wet and feeling so damn helpless.

“Steve, please fucking wake up. _Please_.”

His left hand held his arm tight to him, his other hand’s fingers brushing feathery light touches against his cheek careful not to irritate the angry scrape across his cheekbone. Bucky brought his head down, resting his forehead against Steve’s chest, fingers entwining together, “Wake up.”

He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to force his tears back, his lips pursing tight. He attempted to focus on the beating of Steve’s heart, his head moved to press his ear there. He felt his tears attack him again, falling against Steve's bare skin, his hand hastily trying to wipe them away. 

“Steve..”

Bucky’s shoulders trembled, short quick bursts of sputtered gasps escaping him, tears continuing to roll down his face. His hand gripped Steve’s so tight refusing to let him go. Let Tony come see him like this, broken and ugly. That's what he wanted anyway, without Steve. His right hand pressed softly against his chest, feeling it rise and fall underneath his palm, complete misery overcoming him.

“Steve, I can’t come back. This is my only shot to see you. I’m..I’m sorry. I’m sorry I put you here. I never meant to do that to you. I never wanted anything like this to happen.”

“Bucky..”

He froze. It was Steve’s voice, scratchy and faint but it was his voice. He turned his head up, his chin resting on his chest, his bloodshot eyes meeting tired half lidded blues. Bucky was too shocked to react, watching him in timid stillness. 

Steve gave him a small shaky smile, his hand squeezing the one Bucky had been holding. Steve moved his slightly trembling left hand to his nasal cannula tugging it off in a small annoyed fashion. 

“You’re..okay.”

Bucky was confused, a tilt of his head reviewing the words, finally realizing he meant the night of the accident.

Bucky felt his heart ache, the coil of anxiety squeezing harder within of him, fresh tears coming from him, “Steve, you got in an accident.”

Steve considered Bucky’s words carefully. He looked around for a few seconds, his eyes closing to give himself a moment. He opened them a little wider now, his pink tongue dabbing against his dry lips. Bucky abruptly sprang from the bed moving to the small pitcher of water at the bedside. He pulled at his left hand to retrieve the glass but Steve silently refused to untangle their fingers, a dust of warmth bursting through Bucky. He nodded silently back, using only his free hand to pour the water and walk back, gingerly helping him drink. 

Steve coughed out softly, resting his head back again, eyes never leaving Bucky’s face. The brunette could feel Steve’s fingers glide over his, small tingles of electricity running through him. 

“C’mere. Lay with me..few minutes..” Steve pat the small space that he had been using prior.

Bucky hesitated, now that Steve was awake the male wanted to run away. Guilt burst through him, the worrying state he was in fueled his self loathing further. 

“Buck..” he croaked out, a small shift of his lips showing disapproval. “I feel like..shit, come onnn.”

He climbed back into the bed, letting go just so he could lay on his side in the tiny space, carefully resting his head on his shoulder with his palm pressed lightly against his friend’s chest feeling him breathing. Steve draped his right arm over Bucky’s shoulder keeping him close.

Steve let out a satisfied hum, his hand lazily stroking Bucky’s soft hair, the brunette leaning his head up into it.

“It wasn’t your fault...don’t blame yourself.” 

Bucky silently gave Steve a half hug with his arm avoiding his bandaged ribs.

“Natasha?”

Bucky casually shifted his head up again to rest his chin on Steve’s shoulder feeling fingers shift from petting his hair to touch his cheek instead, “She’s fine. She just had some bumps and scratches. She was walking around when I got to the hospital. Thank you..for protecting her. I don’t even know what I’d do if it was the both of you here. Clint thanks you too, which,” Bucky rolled his eyes emphatically, “You should talk to him as soon as you can because the last thing he said was he wanted to buy you a lifetime of pizza to show you his gratitude. Also Angie said to feel better.”

Steve smiled, trying to laugh though it transitioned quickly to a dry cough.

Bucky softly patted his chest, turning his head back the way it had been, resting his ear against him, “Don’t do anything exerting, just recover. Don’t need Tony to think I came in here and did something to make you worse."

The brunette shifted his head breathing out through his nostrils, soft and slow. A small sigh escaped him when he felt Steve’s fingers coiling around his hair. The ache and anxiety that was had present started to melt away.

“Is that why you weren’t here?”

Bucky looked straight ahead, out the window. He watched a crow fly past, his eyes scanning the collective clouds through the daylight.

Steve stroked his hair with slightly more pressure, his nails softly grazing the top of his skull, “I thought I was dreaming all this time. I kept hearing Sam talking and Tony. Both were talking around me while I was resting. I thought it was some weird dream I was having especially when I never heard your voice.”

Steve’s fingers softly stroked the side of Bucky’s neck, the back of his knuckles dancing against the tender area behind his ear the ticklish sweet sensation thrumming through Bucky’s entire being. He closed his eyes, biting down on his lower lip, hesitating to say anything. 

“Bucky?”

“Tony has a guard on your door.”

“What? Why?”

Bucky didn’t want another fight to happen while he was gone, “I don’t know, taking precautions I guess. It’s fine, don’t upset yourself over it. I wasn’t going to show up anyway. I didn’t want to come visit anyway I knew you were alright.”

“Buck, look at me.”

Bucky squeezed his eyes tight, frozen. 

Steve’s fingers at his back prodded him to do what was asked, “Look.at.me.”

The brunette relented, shifting his head up, eyes glassy with a color of cerulean that Steve had fallen for. 

“I told you it wasn’t your fault this happened.”

“Right, you did.”

“Don’t be smart with me. I need you to believe it. I made my own choice. I wasn’t thinking straight, I heard about you leaving with Brock and I knew he had been drinking. I wanted to make sure and I just jumped without thinking and then I brought Nat with me too which was completely idiotic. Thank god she was wearing the helmet.”

Bucky frowned, “Which is why you got some sort of head concussion and you’re here, I’m glad she isn’t but even so..”

“Buck, I’m alive."

“You may not have been and sorry wouldn’t have brought you back! Tony’s right I just- ”

“Don’t fucking listen to anything he says about you!” Steve growled out furiously, quickly followed by a wince of pain, his hand moving to press firmly on his chest, Bucky’s eyes darting to the heart monitor. Bucky sat himself up, watching the machine closely, his gaze tensely staring at it to return to normal. He peered back at the blond, questioning the sudden anger, resting his hand over Steve’s. 

“I’m okay Bucky, just..just hurt to push all that out at once.”

Bucky nodding, slipping out of the bed. He filled the water in a glass again, cradling Steve’s head tenderly, getting him to drink. He looked at the dark sunken circles around Steve’s eyes knowing he should leave soon to give him more rest. 

Steve released a long breath of air, settling back into his pillow, “Don’t worry, I’ll talk to Tony. Tell him to remove the guard. He shouldn’t..keep one there, stopping people from coming. Especially not you.”

The warmth in Bucky’s stomach came back, surging within him, “Don’t get into a fight with him about me Steve. He’s a dick but he was only doing that to protect you. He loves you.”

Steve lifted his arm up shakily, Bucky reaching out at his elbow to brace it for him, the back of Steve’s knuckles brushing his cheek, “Then he should know me better.”

Bucky’s tears suddenly spilled over his cheeks, not able to hold them back as he choked out a sob the moment Steve touched his face again, both hands desperately wrapping around his raised arm, “Steve you could have _died_. I would have never forgiven myself for it, I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. I know it won’t cut it but I mean it- ”

Steve shook his head over and over again to his words refusing to take them in, he wiped at the tears falling down his cheeks, cupping his jaw, “Bucky, stop. You’re not responsible for any of this. I made my own decision to come after you, no one forced me. Please don’t cry..”

But Bucky just couldn’t help it, Steve looked so pale and tired; so many wires and machines and a _tube_. It all scared him so much that it could have been so different than this, Steve’s thumb swiping across his cheekbone. The way Steve touched him, pet him, took him away from everything bad feeling his emotions quiet down and absorb their perfect moment of privacy. He missed him so much.

Natasha let herself into the room, Bucky leaning in to nuzzle Steve’s fingers. His features had softened from the last time she had been looking at him. Anger, pain, self pity had been plastered firmly across his handsome features but now he was sniffling away the end of some tears most of his face a calm serenity. She smiled, perhaps a little too much to the sight. The look on his face was worth everything she did today for him. This was what Bucky always deserved especially when it involved Steve. Steve himself looking worn and tired, but his blue eyes looked at him like Bucky had hung the moon for him. If these nitwits didn’t get together soon, Natasha would have to take invasive action. 

“James.” her voice came out in a soft whisper, almost regretting breaking their moment together. 

The pair looked over as she approached, Steve tilting his hand for her. She took it with a soft smile, “How are you feeling Steve?”

He smiled back at her, hand squeezing hers, “Better. I’m glad you’re okay.”

“Thank you for protecting me.”

“I had to, this guy would have killed me.”

Bucky rolled his eyes. 

Natasha chuckled softly, resting a hand on Bucky’s arm, “We have to leave. Peggy is going to come back with the guard soon, she just sent me a text. Sam went ahead to distract them for a few minutes but we should get out of here.”

Bucky nodded slowly, frowning at the thought of leaving Steve, “I guess I will see you when I see you Steve.”

“You can’t get rid of me that easily. I’ll talk to Tony. This guard thing is ridiculous. I’ll tell Sam to contact you when its sorted out, okay?”

Bucky nodded, poking the male’s hand gently, “Just focus on getting better.”

Steve stared hard at him, entwining his fingers with his, “And you focus on losing that guilt. You did nothing wrong Buck. _Nothing_.”

Nodding, Bucky said nothing as he forced himself to take his hand away Nat already at the door to hold it open. She gave Steve a smile and waved a goodbye ushering Bucky out of the wing.

  


Steve was _fine_ and Bucky couldn’t help but smile through a shock of tears, wiping his eyes quickly again and again as he and Natasha made it back to the brownstone. Brock waiting in his car with Jack, giving a casual wave and when they got inside he was immediately rifling in the fridge, “I need a sandwich.”

Filling the food bowl for Lucky, Natasha shook her head, “No bread.”

“You’re all outta bread? How am I supposed to make a sandwich without bread?” He retrieved a container of salad and some leftover roast chicken flashing Natasha a pointed look.

“You could always go to your own place and eat a sandwich.” She jabbed back.

Bucky dropped himself on the couch beside Jack, feeling his arm drape around his shoulders to pull him in, “How was your visit with Steve?”

He couldn’t hide the large grin spreading across his face and Jack was infected by it, mirroring it with a soft chuckle, “That good huh?”

Bucky couldn’t help himself, feeling so elated like the stress had just slipped away because he could see him. Yes he looked pale and weak but he was alive and not in a morgue somewhere. Though Bucky couldn’t escape the guilt he was feeling his happiness to see Steve was overridden at the moment, his face burying into Jack’s chest as he felt his ears turn pink.

Jack gave him a comforting pat on his back, “He’s alive Buck, you finally got to see it with your own eyes. I get it.”

Bucky lifted his head up from Jack’s chest, grinning wider, “And that’s why you’re my favorite.”

“What? Excuse me, that fucker ain’t got nothin’ on me. Why you gotta say shit like that?”

They both turned to Brock looking at them from the kitchen with his hands on his hips, Bucky chewed at his lip, eyes gleeful, “Because you get so mad.”

“I ain’t mad Kiddo, you know when I’m mad.”

Jack pressed Bucky’s head to his chest, “Good then I got him, you don’t have to worry your pretty little head about it.”

A balled up dish towel went flying at Rollins’ head, hitting him right in the ear and he couldn’t do anything but laugh. Bucky’s phone went off, pushing himself off Jack with a look of mild panic when he saw who it was. He got to his feet to answer, Jack watching after him then turning to Nat and Brock. 

As quickly as the call came, it was over Bucky turning around with a perplexed look on his face holding the phone out to point at it then absently tucking it back into his pocket.

“James? What is it?” Natasha stepped forward her face full of concern.

“I, um..” He rubbed the back of his neck nervously still trying to absorb the words, his eyes turned to look at Brock, “That was dad. He..uh, he wanted me to come by for something. He said to bring you with me.”

Now it was Brock’s turn to look confused, pointing to himself, “Me?”

Brock and George weren’t really buddy buddy, his father was a good friend before he died but not him. His arms immediately folded over his chest cautiously, “Did he say why?”

Bucky could only shake his head, replaying the conversation in his head, “He just said he had to talk to me and to bring you too.”

A heavy purposeful sigh came out of Brock, nodding while he picked his keys up, “Let’s get going then, I don’t wanna drag this shit on; get it over with and get the hell out of there. We should be back before dinner.”

Natasha stepped out to rub a hand against Bucky’s arm giving him a gentle smile, “It’s probably nothing.”

He smiled back, wavering a little as he nodded at her a tight knot forming in his stomach. He looked over at Brock holding the door open with a stoic expression knowing he felt the same way he did, he knew it was never just nothing.

After a short ride, they both walked into the mansion gearing to get in and get out. George Barnes stood in the open sitting room one hand casually tucked into the pocket of pressed expensive slacks and another holding a glass of bourbon. Another man about the same height was standing with him, older with greying hair and dark eyes.

“Ah James! Good you’re finally home. Come over here. Brock you too.”

Brock and Bucky glanced at each other before stepping into the room, Bucky’s hands nervously pressed against his jeans trying to tramp down the anxiety already building inside.

“How’s Mr. Rogers?”

Bucky felt like he had been stabbed, pain striking into his very soul over the question. He knew he fucked up. He completely fucked up. Grey steel eyes stared at him, _through_ him swirling his drink in boredom before he took another sip not looking away. Beside him he saw Brock’s body posture tense, he knew already too.

“He’s fine.” He responded softly, avoiding his father’s eyes. He wanted to start crying, run away from everything, stop everything from hurting because he knew this was going to hurt and his father was making sure he understood how much of a lesson he was about to be taught. This was all way too familiar to be anything else.

“That’s good.” 

Bucky forcefully swallowed down a sound of panic, the man handed George a portfolio, which was held out for Bucky to take, “This is Mr. Susilovic, he will be your liaison for your trip.”

Immediately Bucky’s heart sank, taking the folder, “Trip?”

“That is what I said. We need you to sit in for our quarterly meeting in two weeks. Neither your mother nor I can make it so instead you will be taking my place as stand in CEO.”

Bucky was dumbfounded, his mouth partially open in shock, taking a look into the leather bound portfolio, “But, I don’t know anything enough about the company to make managerial decisions..”

Dread sat around Bucky’s shoulders and pressed, panic bubbled just below the surface and his father smiled at him, simple and sharp. 

It scared the shit out of him.

“That’s why Mr. Susilovic is here to assist you. He’s my eyes and ears, he’ll run you through everything for the two weeks prior, have you attend meetings, learn what you need to learn and get the feel for it. It’s just a meeting that I have to attend but unfortunately I cannot. By company policy you must take my place if your mother isn’t able to. The rest of the time you are to be on your best behavior but you’re free to do as you like. We have some reports on employees needing a boost in morale so there will be some company parties I want you to attend, charm everyone as you naturally do James. Don’t disappoint me.”

“I won’t.”

Bucky blinked at nothing. The words spilled out before he could even let them sink in, his mind was screaming to run and shout angrily but all he did was accept his fate, everything numbing inside of him.

George’s gaze fell on Brock, “And you, Mr. Rumlow. I’m in need of your services too. James is required to have a security detail for his own safety while in Germany for that long, I hope it’s not too forward but I already contacted your employer about taking some time off. I also took the liberty to find you an appropriate source for your _recreational_ activity, I don’t approve of course but you run the tab and I’ll pay for it. I only ask that James not be around while you treat yourself to your reckless endeavor. I already deposited a sum you should be comfortable with unless there’s a reason you prefer not to go.”

Brock pulled up his phone, glancing at Bucky, completely unsure about all this while he accessed his bank records.

Bucky anxiously pressed down the louder demands of his body wanting to run out of there, licking his lips nervously, “How long is this trip you’re talking about?”

“About three to four weeks.”

Brock held out his phone to show Bucky the deposit of fifty thousand made earlier today. Bucky’s throat went dry, sweat collecting at his hairline, his legs threatening to fold under him.

Lips pulled back into a tight grimace Brock glared at George Barnes, wordlessly throwing out angry threats. He nodded in acceptance for his new temporary job knowing he couldn’t leave Bucky out in another country with absolutely no one.

“When do we have to leave?”

“Tomorrow at seven sharp, Mr. Susilovic should have your travel arrangements and visas ready and boys, do not be late.”

That was their cue to leave and they did so quickly, the both of them wanting to get as far away as they possibly could. Brock looked over at Bucky, his features lifeless as he stared straight ahead letting his legs lead him outside. They got to the Impala and he tried to drum up something to say, anything to Bucky, watching him wordlessly slip into the passenger’s side seat and pull the door closed, his eyes fixated out in front of him. Brock finally stepped away, moving around the car and into the driver’s seat, starting the engine. 

He hesitated to pull out of the drive though, turning to really study Bucky’s profile, “Baby, talk to me.”

Bucky didn’t look over, he didn’t move and Brock could barely tell he was even breathing until a soft single tear rolled down the corner of his eye.

“Please drive, Brock.”

Brock drew in a deep agonizing breath, fingers twitching to move, to pull Bucky in and hold him, but he knew better. His body was too straight, too tense, _too angry_. The storm was here and he was going to become wrath if anyone pushed him except that wasn’t what bothered Rumlow. He pulled out of the long drive and out onto the road, clenching his jaw as he drove, his peripheral vision kept on Bucky and the rigid way he sat completely shut down from everything.

No, it wasn’t the storm inside of him that bothered Brock Rumlow, it was the aftermath when he was completely separated from everyone he was afraid of.

 

Natasha watched in worried silence as Bucky only pretended to eat; when their eyes met he would shovel a forkful of peas into his mouth and look away again, jaw working tense and clenched most of the time, his cutlery pushing the food around on his plate. When they had gotten back Bucky silently went upstairs and Brock broke the news to the rest of them. Bucky didn’t want to say much of anything and no one bothered to push him, it would be their last Sunday dinner for almost a month and they tried their best to enjoy it as sad as it was.

“Hey,” Natasha grabbed Bucky by the arm, turning him around to stand on her toes and wrap her arms tightly around his neck feeling him immediately hug her around her waist, “You’ll be okay Kotyonok. I promise.”

Bucky nodded against her, face tucked away into her hair not trusting himself to say anything cohesive right them. 

He took a few long minutes before he pulled a small envelope out, pressing it into her hand, “Can you give this to Steve?”

She smiled at him, nodding before stepping aside so Clint could wrap his arms around his best friend, “Don’t get in trouble out there and you better call a lot you know I’ll forget, you ain’t that important to me.”

It earned Clint a smile, Bucky rolling his eyes, “Yeah sure whatever, I guess I’ll call if I’m bored and I need someone to make me sleep. Watch my fish too while I’m gone.”

Clint smiled at him, nodding. Lucky stood by, whimpering and whining as his paw batted at Bucky’s leg. Bucky sniffled lightly, bending down to be at his level running his fingers along the top of his head, “I’ll be back soon, I promise. I’ll miss you though.”

Lucky licked his face repeatedly, whimpering as he did and all Bucky could do was hug him tight not wanting to let go of him.

“You sure you two don’t wanna come over with us, have a few beers and just forget about shit?” 

Natasha gave Brock a smile, giving him a tight hug, “No, we’re happy settling in with a movie and some popcorn tonight. You two have fun and relax, this isn’t a goodbye we’ll talk soon and you’re both going to keep talking to us while you’re away so it’s nothing.”

Brock nodded, hugging her back trying his best to carry the enthusiasm she was trying to keep up for them all. He smiled at Clint, giving him a playful punch on the arm before tugging him in for a tight strong hug, “You watch my girl yeah? I’ll fuckin’ kick your ass if you don’t.” 

Clint snorted, patting Brock’s broad shoulder, “ _She’d_ kick my ass if I did something backwards.”

They watched them all leave to visit some friends, the pair moving back to the kitchen to clean up. Clint stood next to Natasha beside the sink watching her scrape most of the food off Bucky’s plate, his hand reaching up to softly rub the back of her neck thumb gently stroking her pulse point, “You alright?”

She turned her head to give him a warm smile, nodding before putting the plate into the sink, “I have to be.”

He wrapped his arm loosely around her neck, pulling her in close, her own hands wiping onto the dishtowel before she wrapped her arms under his resting her head on his shoulder. 

Clint pressed a kiss into her hair, “He’ll be okay. Brock’s got him.”

 

Johnny raised a hand, seated on a dark red loveseat, passing a joint around in a group of about seven people sitting around a living room with worn tired furniture and vinyl records for music, “Hey no offense Buck but for as long as I've known you your dad's been a real fucking dick. I’d seriously wonder if he's really your dad but you look exactly like him except he’s older so it’s hard to ignore that part."

Bucky could only shrug not knowing what he could say.

“Hey at least you got Brock as your bodyguard, your pops could have easily hired one for you instead and you’d be sharing a penthouse with some strange German dude.”

Bucky scratched the bridge of his nose, facing him at the other side of the seat, legs loosely folded with his back against the armrest, “Sounds like a porno I watched a few weeks ago.”

“Oh yeah?” Johnny raised a brow, handing out some shots, “The last time I had a bodyguard we had sex in the pool, talk about taking care of me.”

Loki laughed out, sitting on the floor beside the coffee table rolling another joint, “I’m _sure_ your parents enjoyed firing him. Their golden boy can’t be with the help.”

Brock walked by cuffing Johnny at the back of his head, “I ain’t got no idea what you’re implyin’ but I sure as hell ain’t fuckin’ Buck.”

Making a small disgruntled noise, Johnny’s hand pressed at his skull from the swat, “I didn’t imply! I was just saying for me that’s what happened! They did fire him Loke but you know he’s protecting some pop star now, no harm no foul. Sometimes he’s in town and we get together..”

Bucky caught Loki’s eye before the male turned to look at Johnny, watching him swallow down the last of his beer and root through a cooler for another, someone else sliding new ones into a second cooler.

“That wasn’t what happened the last time your ex bodyguard showed up looking for you to get a booty call.”

Loki smiled coyly at Johnny, musing at the partially surprised look on his face before he suddenly shrugged, “I had plans last time he was here, I told him that when he called.”

“You put that look on Loke that I hate, the one where he’s got something on you." Bucky murmured with a smile taking a shot.

Johnny brushed it off, “He thinks I canceled on the guy because of you.”

“Him?” Brock sat up curiously.

Immediately Johnny pointed at Loki, “Aw great you got Rumlow into this now, no I didn’t cancel because of waiting for Bucky or something, I was already with him and probably doing things or at least about to and it was just once.”

“More than once.” Loki singsonged gleefully.

Bucky grinned, “Really?”

The raven haired male nodded, examining his nails absently, hugging a glass of wine against his chest.

Brock caught Storm’s eye and Johnny immediately raised a hand, “Rum, _buddy_. You think I’m investing in feelings? C’mon now. Buck, tell him. Every time I get calls while you’re already getting me out of my clothes I tell them I’m busy, right?”

Looking like he was thinking about it, Bucky quickly nodded, “His ass is first come first serve.”

Johnny’s mouth fell open, a sound comparable to a donkey braying came out of him, a hand pressed to his chest in surprise, “Buck, _really_?!”

Nudging his toes playfully against Johnny’s thigh he bit his lip and gave him a wink, Johnny grabbing his foot to hold it hostage. 

Brock rolled his eyes, getting up from his seat to go outside with his beer, “You both deserve each other.”

He smiled, Bucky taking back his shot; he set the glass down on the table before him picking up where the conversation derailed, “Maybe if you kept it in your pants Jo they wouldn’t have such turn over in employment. You know this guy slept with a few of his nannies when he was younger?”

His friend sat up straighter with arms out in mock arrest, “Okay in my defense, if they didn’t look at me like they wanted me maybe I wouldn’t have that issue and Buck, don’t even start that. Remember that pool boy you had, Hernando or something _and_ his sister?”

“Pleading the fifth on that." Bucky shook his head, looking away.

“Storm, you think a _dog_ looks at you like they want you.” Loki shot back with a disgusted look.

Johnny shrugged, downing some of his beer, “You know, I’m not into that but the dog has good taste.”

Everyone else sitting around broke out in laughter.

Brock found Jack sitting on the porch rail, balancing a bottle of beer on his thigh and just staring up at the sky. 

“Didn’t take you as a stargazer.”

Green eyes glanced over, blinking once before he was given a shrug, “I’m not, just needed some air I figure.”

Rumlow nodded, moving around to perch himself up beside him, gauging the comfortable silence for a second. His own beer in his hand, he looked at it awkwardly, taking a sip before he too looked up at the sky realizing it was like searching for an answer or question you didn’t know how to ask.

“So tomorrow you’re gone huh?”

“Yeah, tomorrow.”

“A month.”

Brock nodded, a strained smile spreading across his face turning his head to look at Jack, “Somethin’ like that. Don’t tell me you’re gonna break out the waterworks on me.”

His friend snorted, his eyes gazing at him, “Doubtful, you aren’t even worth it.”

Chuckling, Brock took another sip of his beer, staring off into the night sky again, “You’re such a fuckin’ prick.”

Jack shrugged, his head tilted to the side in a lazy fashion, arm bumping into Brock’s, “Be glad you don’t have to see me then.”

He watched the corner of Brock’s mouth quirk into a small fond smile his hand blindly patting down his pants pocket.

“You know the last time we were apart for a long time Jackie?”

Jack bumped the heel of his shoe along the fencing, nodding almost immediately to his best friend, “Yeah, when the army packed me up and shipped me off for almost two years. You graduated and I came back home after having a brief affair with a land mine.”

Lighting a cigarette, Brock took a long slow drag, turning his head to exhale the smoke past his shoulder, “Better than a pine box.”

“Sometimes I wished I did.”

Jack’s green eyes were met with Brock’s soft coppery browns, a little darker than usual, a flash of anger crossing them before he let it pass like a storm Rollins knew not to meddle with even though he enjoyed watching Rumlow come alive, always a tiny guilty pleasure to see how he let his emotions control him so skillfully. 

“Sorry.” He cut in before Brock had a chance to tell him to shut up about that.

It was a sore spot for both of them, Jack because he was still carrying minor scars and his leg was occasionally acting up. He had a list of physical problems and usually he could hide most of them but there were times when he was reminded about how much damage he took. Those nights he woke up soaked in sweat from nightmares and his body became stiff and sore with sharp stabs of pain and tremors he couldn’t stop. Sometimes he’d have to call Brock just to calm his mind down while he took something for the trouble and sometimes an hour passed before he was set to go back to bed. He owed him so much and he was sure Brock had no idea.

“Better be, hate that shit comin’ outta your mouth.” 

His voice was strained and on edge, Jack only bowed his head and looked away. 

They both took in the long draw of silence, Brock finally flicking the butt of his cigarette into the grass, “Jackie..”

The man turned to his friend, nodding at him before he had a chance to continue, “I know Brock.”

Rumlow turned his upper body to face him, reaching his arm out and grasping at the shirtsleeve of Rollins’ t-shirt; pawing and tugging at it almost aimlessly before gripping to it firmly and pulling hard, Jack’s side falling into him without any resistance, moving the arm away from his friend’s hold to wrap it around Rumlow’s waist, a low heavy sigh escaping Brock when his stubbled face pressed into his friend’s shoulder.

“You’re such a piece of shit Rawls.”

Jack’s arm squeezed him tighter to his frame his body jerking slightly from a short laugh, “I know Brock.”

A fourth beer and a handful of shots in, Bucky felt like alcohol wasn’t going to drown out the dread he was feeling in the hollow of his chest. There was no comfort in it like he was hoping, barely drunk and he found himself wandering the small two level house of Johnny’s friend eventually stopping just before the front door that was propped open and separated him from the outside by a screen door.

Bucky leaned against the wall, not meaning to overhear most of Brock and Jack’s conversation but he did, feeling terrible for the outcome they were at turning around almost bumping into Johnny. 

The brunette flashed him a smile, “Hi. Was looking for you.”

“Hey.”

They stood staring at each other in the dark nook away from the music and the chatter. Jack and Brock were talking again but Bucky couldn’t hear anymore, not that he really wanted to, he only felt at fault with everything. He shouldn’t have gone to the Halloween party, he shouldn’t have bothered.

“Hey,” Johnny snapped into his racing thoughts, his hand holding his chin lightly with a partial smile, “You’re getting in your head again Buck.”

Johnny tilted his head towards the hall where the stairs were located, “Come with me.”

“Jo, I don’t- ”

Storm only hushed him with a flash of a grin and led him to the guest bedroom, “You need somewhere quiet to be.”

Bucky walked into the bedroom, an antique brass full sized bed in the corner and a large bureau at the opposite side with a closet and a chest of drawers with a mirror by the window. He dropped down on the bed, glancing at his friend leaning against the door frame, “This is generally the part where I’m pretty much telling you to strip.”

Johnny raised a brow giving it a wiggle, “I know. Now strip, I got something other than hanky panky in mind.”

Watching him walk away and off down the hall Bucky only shrugged to himself entertaining whatever idea was formed in Jo’s mind, tugging the back of his t-shirt over his head and tossing it onto the dresser. He got to his feet to undo his belt and get out of his jeans, folding them onto his t-shirt before he sat back on the bed. The floor creaked as Johnny came back with some towels, something he assumed was lube and _baby oil_?

He rolled his eyes, gesturing at Bucky to get off the bed, “Everything Barnes, that means your snug not hiding anything at all little boxer briefs too.”

Bucky watched him lay out the towels, nodding at the bottle, “You gonna give me a rubdown with a happy ending Jo?”

He hummed out a yes, stripping himself down to his boxers, “I am well versed in other things besides sucking dick you know and if you don’t want the happy ending I’m good with just rubbing you down too.”

Bucky couldn’t help the laugh that came out, crawling over the towels to lay out on his stomach with his arms folded away underneath his chin, “I’m surprised.”

He jumped to the feel of his friend pinching his butt in retaliation before he moved to kneel beside him, letting out a low whistle, “Buck, your ass is amazing.”

“Shut up.” He grumbled, burying his face against his arms.

Johnny started with his legs, leaning over him and massaging the baby oil into his skin; he couldn’t help the stupid smile across his face listening to the helpless pleased noises Bucky made into the pillow. It was odd how relaxed his body was, when only a few minutes ago he didn’t really want any of it. He searched out the last few knots hiding deep in his muscles and worked them loose. Bucky's arms were next in line, tugging them away from his face, letting them lay out at either side of him and got the same treatment, then it was his hands, soft and careful. He rubbed both of his thumbs in gentle circular motions against each palm, both getting equal amounts of attention while Bucky’s body seemed to turn into jelly.

"I'm going to straddle you and do your lower back now." 

Bucky only turned his head to his other side to peer at him curiously, eyes a pale grey and darkening but smiling sweetly with a nod. 

Johnny brought one leg over, sitting down against his friend’s bare bottom refusing to wipe the enormous grin off his face. For a moment he forgot about how strained and restricted he felt wearing his boxers while his hands had almost complete access to Bucky’s whole body, bouncing so very lightly on his seat.

Bucky grumbled beneath him, “Quit bouncing on my ass it’s hurting my dick.”

“Have I ever mentioned how much I love your butt?”

“Like every time I see you and every text mess- nevermind you tell me you love my dick in texts.”

He agreed, “Very true, gotta switch it up sometimes.”

He ran his hands over his back for what felt like hours, rubbing the oil in and the little knots out. Firm knuckles began kneading circles into the meat of his back and an endless series of groans started to spill out of Bucky’s mouth.

“Geez Buck I should do this more often.”

“Oh god, _yeah_ yeah just fuck me..shit..holy.. _fuck_.”

Johnny tried his best to keep his laughter in, but he didn’t stop himself from leaning forward to leave a kiss against Bucky’s cheek. Most of the knots had collected all over his middle and lower back, causing him to only get louder the longer they went while he was squirming beneath him from time to time. 

“Well, I’ve never fucked you before. I’ve been curious.”

Now it was Bucky’s turn to laugh, rubbing his nose into the pillow with a snort, “Get lost.”

Quickly Bucky could feel his amusement drifting off somewhere else, Johnny chuckling lightly in response keeping up with what he was doing. His firm surprisingly talented fingers and the heel of his palms still working their magic and forcing his mind to drift into a fog of nothing, consciousness threatening to slip away if he kept it up. His entire body felt weightless and it was ridiculous just how _good_ it felt to let this happen, and how tense he was keeping himself even when he didn’t realize he was. Though recently he had a huge reason to and quickly his back was aching for someone to take care of it. Johnny’s hands were so warm, so smooth. Perfect hands taking him apart so easily like all he had to do was pull a loose thread to do it, his eyes fluttering closed for a moment.

He was so hazy and comfortable he almost missed the row of kisses trailing up his spine that began at the dimples above his ass, light wisps of Johnny’s breath dancing along his skin while his lips dusted gentle kisses up and over every bump and indentation along his skin. Bucky’s fingers curled and uncurled into the sheets beneath him, heels of his hands pressed at either side of his pillow, a jitter of nervousness thrummed along the surface of his body that would never entirely leave him even if it was Johnny.

Jo leaned down, ghosting his mouth along Bucky’s ear, purposefully pressing his chest against his slick back, hard nipples shooting a tingling sensation through him knowing Bucky would feel them too. 

“How are you feeling?” He asked, flicking his tongue across the lobe before kissing the spot.

Bucky practically purred, shifting a little beneath him, pushing his ass up to get Johnny to lean harder against him, “Better.” 

“Well, if you’re feeling better, then my work here is done..”

Johnny pretended to climb off, weight pushed against one knee pressed into the bed but a hand grabbed his wrist Bucky staring up at him with a tilted head and a dangerous look.

“Or not.”

Bucky never denied being greedy and it wasn’t like Johnny didn’t see it coming. Like Steve said, he was a cat and if you give them too much attention, they tend to be a little bit dickish but when you think they’ve had enough they usually tend to disagree. 

He settled back in when Johnny did, the low light bouncing off his oil glistened back, gentle circles rubbing into the sides of his hips and Bucky was done for once again. Fingers lingered there for a little bit until they paused for a moment, Johnny wiggling off his butt to press against the back of his thighs.

“Jo..”

“Shh I just wanna put oil on your butt so it shines.”

He opened his sleepy eyes to watch him uncap the bottle and stare at his much too fascinated face drizzle just a light amount of baby oil on one cheek, the liquid rolling down the curve of his ass disappearing into the white bath towel beneath them.

“Is this how you feel when you’re topping because watching that was the best thing ever.”

Bucky brought his arms in to fold them under his chin, a rumble of laughter slipping out of him, “Are you seriously that obsessed with my ass?”

He eagerly nodded, a palm rubbing the oil in a slow circular motion around the outer area of his ass before his second hand joined in rubbing deep into thick muscles.

“Oh my..God, how..?” 

Instinctively Bucky arched his butt out, something he generally wouldn’t do but fuck Johnny had a secret job as a slutty masseuse or something he assumed because that man knew how to handle him. 

Johnny smirked, staring down with an almost serene gaze watching his hands work pushing into the meat of his ass, “I used to date this girl that worked as a masseuse. She showed me a lot before we called it quits, that girl seriously taught me a life lesson. If you have magic hands, no one can say no to you.”

“Cept you still aren’t allowed to part my ass cheeks or anything.”

Johnny nodded with a smartly raised brow, “As long as I get to have my hands here making you shine with baby oil I feel pretty good.”

Bucky leisurely stretched out, “You’re so weird.”

There was a pause of movement behind him then Johnny shifted, his chest lowered over his back, sliding warm heat against his skin with the oil, leaning in to nose his ear his voice thick and hot beside it, “And you’re so fucking hot.”

Johnny didn’t press his lower half in but Bucky could feel the heat riding off him. He made a small noise turning just enough to slide his arm between their bodies and push him off. He wasn’t sure if Johnny was surprised or disappointed, not entirely waiting before he crawled over him with a smirk over his face planting a kiss on his nose. Johnny moved to kiss him but Bucky drew back, directing him onto his stomach, settling down on his side next to him while he gingerly slid down his boxers leaving them just around his thighs.

“What are you doing?”

“Touching you?”

He watched him, a trace of curiosity on his face, “You don’t usually and I want your dick.”

He snorted, “I know, but,” He flipped the top of the oil, tilting it just so to let it drip down Johnny’s lower back and down the cleft of his ass watching him arch a little, “I want to do this right now.”

Johnny made a small disgruntled noise, pushing into the sheets a little in frustration, “Bucky..”

Bucky palmed his ass, smoothing the baby oil out along one curve of his backside before moving to the other side lost in a curious fascination before giving it a playful little slap, “No, you’re perfectly right about how hot this is with the oil.”

This seemed to pique Johnny’s interest, staring over at him, “Yeah?”

Bucky chuckled, nodding with a tilt of his head, a grin across his lips as he pushed his mouth into his friend’s to give him a kiss. There was a distinct sound of a cap opening again but Johnny could tell the moment it hit his skin that it was slightly thicker and not running down like the oil, Bucky’s fingers gathering it up to coat his fingers, the pad of his index finger brushing between cheeks and around his hole causing Johnny to push his butt out, drawing his mouth back from his, “Buck, c’mon..”

A wet sound of a slap cracked into the air, Bucky glancing over at the soft pink color rising across the lightly tanned skin of Jo’s ass, “You’re so impatient.”

“I want you to start so you remember what’s missing while you’re gone and- ” He abruptly stopped himself catching the flicker of change in Bucky’s demeanor. He knew if he didn’t adjust it he was going to lose the whole point of this which was to get him out of his head. 

He leaned in, nuzzling the curve of his cheek. He snaked his hand downwards, petting his friend’s thigh, “Bucky..”

He waited until eyes met again and he shifted in closer encouraging Bucky to continue. 

Bucky’s slick hand moved off his hip to return back to teasing him, the pad of his finger softly petting Johnny’s hole to milk out a whimper while Storm’s fingers lightly gave Bucky’s hardening cock a squeeze in response. Lips brushed his and he could only whine out against them, pushing hungrily for his kisses suddenly wiggling his hips in so he could tuck Bucky’s leg between his and rub up against him.

Bucky could only tsk at him, giving his ass a few playful smacks to get him to stop, a defiant noise falling out of Johnny while he threw his arms around his friend’s neck with a childish pout, “Buck, I know you love my ass. I know you love getting your big cock inside of me, so just fuck me stupid please Buck..”

Of course he ignored Johnny for the moment, leisurely rolling him over onto his back being made faces at. He ignored those too feeling so calm and relaxed because of his friend’s skillful hands. He sat on his knees between Jo’s legs, dark grey eyes staring at him as he bowed his head down to lick Johnny’s navel watching every minuscule reaction laving up along the center of his abs placing a kiss as he felt muscles tighten under his mouth. 

“ _Bucky_.”

He only smirked back, sucking a mark against his ribs, teeth pinching skin at the opposite side feeling Johnny arch with a gasp, warm red blooming around the bruise before he continued up along his chest nosing one hard nipple. He closed his eyes listening to the soft whimpers beneath him, a wolfish grin against his lips taking a nipple into his mouth tracing and swirling his tongue around feeling Johnny squirm from the sensitivity.

“Buck!”

Bucky dragged his palm along Johnny’s heaving chest pinching the other nipple listening as he moaned out, shifting weakly.

“Shit,” Johnny trembled softly, wanting more, “Please, Buck _please_.”

Bucky pulled off him, smiling sweetly. Dark eyes staring up at him and Johnny wasn’t smiling anymore, sweat glistened across his whole entire body, hands dug into the sheets. 

“ _Please_ Buck.”

God he loved when Johnny begged. 

He reached over, hips eagerly rising up when he finally slipped off Jo’s boxers entirely before freezing, “I didn’t bring a condom..”

Johnny’s features went from bliss to horror to recollection, “My jeans..I brought..fuck I’m so smart.”

He moved to get up and Bucky pressed his hand against his hip to keep him there, getting up himself to get the items, fishing out a condom and a small bottle of lube which he threw back into his jeans pocket, “I don’t even know what you were thinking about before you got here.”

A small bit of sanity returned to Johnny, hand tucking behind his head with a small smirk, “That you were here, there was a good chance I was going to get some.”

Bucky returned back onto the bed, moving over Johnny’s legs slow and calculated. His eyes locked into his as he licked his lips playfully, climbing over him with his cock pushing against Johnny’s, his hands planted at either side of his friend’s body.

“Am I that much of a sure thing?”

He watched his eyes flutter closed a second before opening, rocking into him, “I always hope so and not as much as I am. Barnes, you’re my favorite. My fucking-”

Bucky leaned down to nibble on his friend’s earlobe, hips arching up sharply beneath him.

“My fucking favorite. God _yeah_ , fuck..”

Hands roamed over Bucky’s oil slicked body, dull nails dragging over glistening flesh under the soft golden hue of the desk lamp light.

“Bucky, gonna die if you don't fuck me soon.”

Bucky had picked up a slow teasing rhythm, his hand wiggling between them to stroke their cocks together, “Yeah?”

Johnny looked up at him dreamily, undulating his hips with the slide of Bucky’s hand around the both of them slick with precum and baby oil; he wrapped his arms around his neck nodding and catching his mouth in a hungry kiss, moaning against his lips.

“Fuck me Bucky, fuck me, _please_. I _need_ you inside of me..”

Bucky could _feel_ Johnny’s heart racing through his chest, eyes darkening, “Jesus Jo, you talk like that and I can’t fucking think straight..”

“Don’t gotta when you give me what I want.”

All Bucky could do was roll his eyes, smiling as he did giving him a nudge, “Yeah alright since you asked so nicely you brat.”

Johnny moved away rolling over onto his stomach, already squirming in front of him in desperation, knees tucked under him, ass up and ready and _too fucking eager_ , face pressed into a pillow with a soft tremble coming off his skin as he shined under the faded light with oil. It was one of the most perfect sights that Bucky was glad to be a part of.

He coated his fingers again, lingering for a few seconds while he nosed up Johnny’s spine, feeling muscles tense and shift in anticipation. His lips pressed into his skin as a thumb teased him, tracing his pink hole with the pad of it as he sucked a random bruise along the middle of his back. Johnny whimpered, pushing his ass out and Bucky relented, slipping one finger inside of him. 

Immediately Johnny groaned out, his hands fisting the sheets beneath him as Bucky showered kisses and sharp little bites against his reddening skin, a second finger slid in. Johnny rocked back on them moaning loud, Bucky remembering the first time they did this together, he found out how much Jo was in love with getting his ass fingered, how _loud_ he could get. Bucky had no idea what he was getting into at the time and it was one interesting journey to now to say the least. He wiggled a third in, stretching Johnny good and wide, body pliant and letting Bucky do whatever he liked to him. Johnny only continued to moan and tug at the sheets, panting out with his flushed face; his head turned from one side to another with helpless gasps of approval to the way Bucky moved his fingers then switched the rhythm on him to throw him off, muscles clenching around his knuckles like he was afraid Bucky was going to suddenly leave.

Bucky always found Johnny perfect like this, his own cock throbbing and hard wanting to be inside. He grabbed the condom sitting by their legs getting it open quick with his free hand and teeth practically groaning at the pathetic noise Johnny made when he pulled his fingers out of him. Rolling it on, he applied a generous amount of lube on his dick before getting a hold of Johnny’s hips with both hands to keep him still as he guided himself in slowly hearing the small suck of air before him.

“Oh my _God_ Buck, you..oh yes..”

That was _not_ helping the situation and how much he wanted to savor this, Johnny only pushing back or attempting to encourage him to fuck him and do it the way he wanted, giving what Bucky needed out of it to use him because that’s what he liked as well. Only this time, Bucky wanted to savor and he wasn’t sure he would get that, the need to just thrust into him over and over dancing around in his head.

He collected himself when his hips were flushed up against Johnny’s ass. He felt himself shaking lightly, the soft tremble flowing through the entirety of his body, sweat misting across his forehead while he hovered over Johnny with a hand moving onto the mattress to hold his weight up. He barely saw Jo’s hand come up, blindly moving til it grazed along his cheek and into his hair, effortlessly guiding him to drape himself over his back. His fingers tightened into his locks, mewling helplessly as he pushed back as if letting him know he was still buried deep into him.

“ _Please Buck_.”

And fuck was that something else, hating Johnny for knowing and saying things he knew would get to him, his friend’s hand gently pulling at his hair. He pulled himself out a little and rocked his hips forward slow and teasing like he was testing the waters, a frantic tug of his hair silently asking for him to go faster. Bucky moaned out low and deep when Johnny encouraged it by pushing back, his ass hot and tight. 

He managed to keep up the slow and agonizing thrusts, enjoying the whimpering whines melting out of Johnny knowing he wanted more, always wanting it hard and fast. Knew he was going to be called a dick for tormenting him with his cock but Bucky didn’t much care, relishing in the slow drag of being inside of him. 

He pulled back almost all the way before he pushed forward again, deliberate and lazy, grinding his hips in to milk out the shudders and cries. Bucky’s warm heated breath danced along the crook of Jo’s neck, planting a kiss at his earlobe while the hand in his hair tugged a bit before dropping back onto the bedsheets helplessly. Bucky’s own fingers digging hard into flesh, Johnny’s face turned to stare at him with glassy lost eyes looking so wounded like he wasn’t sure of anything anymore, his mouth open and there was something about it Bucky very much enjoyed.

“Don’t stop Buck..”

Bucky let out something distinctly feral, his idea of going at a pace they usually never did began to slip from his grasp and replace itself with that animal need he always had when it was relating to Johnny. He took his hand off Johnny’s hip snaking his arm around his middle instead thrusting forward and harder drawing out and fucking into him again. Picking up a faster rhythm he squeezed his eyes shut as he dropped his head onto Jo’s shoulder, groaning in unison with the person beneath him the sound of slick skin slapping into skin filling in the empty spaces. 

Johnny grunted at every thrust forcefully being pushed down harder, panting out with his mouth hung open and his cheek crushed into the pillow his fingers gripped the sheets so tightly his knuckles were going white. He craned his neck a bit to lift his head up, dark lust filled eyes staring at Bucky desperately and Bucky leaned in awkwardly giving him a sloppy kiss, not breaking from the perfect rhythm he had driving into that heat.

Bucky tucked his face against the crook of Jo’s neck, listening to him groan as he pushed his upper body down even harder into the mattress. Both hands returning to grip his hips and keep his ass up as he thrust deeper. He could feel the way Johnny pushed back against him meeting the undulation of his hips especially when he began to move faster his fractured gasps of breath riling Bucky up more knowing he was getting just the right spot. Muscles clenched around him forcing a groan out; Bucky dragged his lips along his shoulder, leaving harsh minor bites with every thrust, Johnny keening and arching under him for more, his hand coming back up into Bucky’s hair, grasping at it desperately. 

Snaking his hand under their hips, Bucky wrapped his fist tight around Johnny’s cock moving his hand with the same pace he was working with his hips reveling in the way Johnny was moaning _louder_ , crying out desperately at how close he was. He felt all the heat pooling around his own center, the sound of his ragged breath cutting into the air with Johnny’s whimpers and cries the room echoing the wet noise of Bucky’s hips slapping hard against Johnny’s ass, the sound of his name slipping off his friend’s tongue like praises and prayers. 

Bucky nipped Johnny’s earlobe tugging at it, hot breath against his ear as he groaned away at every thrust, “Gonna cum for me Jo?”

Johnny only moaned louder white knuckling the sheets and shouting Bucky’s name as Bucky continued jerking him off in time. His teeth sank into the skin of Johnny’s neck, feeling his pulse racing beneath the sweep of his tongue, Johnny’s body momentarily stiffening against him and he was abruptly cumming against Bucky’s hand and along the sheets with a yell that he was sure anyone left in the house was going to hear whether they liked it or not if they hadn’t been already been hearing the time they were having, soft little gasps following after with each thrust.

Bucky pressed tighter against Johnny, his free hand slipping off his hip to wrap around his waist keeping him close, fucking into him with his head dropping against the back of his neck. He could feel the sensation building at the base of his spine, setting him alight and all he could focus on was the sound of Johnny’s small whining whimpers and the feeling of him tight and slick around his cock. It only took him a few more thrusts and Bucky’s hips snapped hard one last time against Johnny’s ass as he filled the condom riding it out with faltered lazy movements. Fingers still gripped into his hair when he finally drew out, the pair collapsing in a heap, Johnny’s hand stroking Bucky’s hair gently and Bucky sleepily nuzzled against his sweat soaked skin.

“Gotta move but I’m comfortable.”

Johnny only sighed happily, stretching as much as he could with a yawn. A small groan escaped above him and he felt Bucky suddenly roll off and sit up, pulling off his condom and disposing of it in the wastebasket giving his friend an apologetic look.

“I forgot you were on a wet spot.”

“You could make it up to me by jumping in the shower with me.”

Bucky was tired but he was also oily and covered in various bodily fluids nodding slowly, “Yeah okay but a quick one and some sheets too.” 

Jo nodded, taking his hand and leaping off the bed peeking out cautiously, Bucky pinching his butt and looking over his shoulder into the hallway. They both snickered as they crossed through completely naked and locked themselves in the bathroom everyone still downstairs enjoying the little gathering.

 

"Kiddo, c'mon wake up."

Bucky squirmed deeper under the arm draped against his head, laying one his stomach beneath a thick blanket, someone moving slightly beside him before he was shaken again with the arm pushed aside, a warm hand pressed against his shoulder, "Wake up, we gotta get you dressed."

"For what?" He grumbled out before everything slowly sank in and a groan slipped out. He rolled over onto his back tugging the blanket under his chin, finally realizing that he was completely naked, a brow raised with half lidded eyes at Brock smirking down at him with Johnny at his left with a pillow pressed over his face to block out the sunlight.

"He was just rubbing my back..last time I checked..I swear."

"Ain't that always how it starts?"

Bucky refused to dignify that with an answer, blindly searching for his boxer briefs on the floor before fingers managed to hook onto the elastic waist and he pulled them on underneath the covers.

Brock left the room to wait outside, Bucky taking a quick glance at Johnny still covering his face. He wanted to say something, a joke, maybe something on the level of ‘message me one night stand stories while I’m gone’ or something stupid like that but nothing came to him. It was all just dread sitting on his shoulders, breathing down his neck. He finally sat up, pulling on his t-shirt, he definitely needed another shower before flying.

“Gonna leave without saying bye?”

He turned to look at him, pillow pushed aside and a small smile on his sleepy face. Bucky gave him a sheepish smile, “I didn’t know if you wanted me to.”

Johnny made a small noise with a roll of his eyes, hooking an arm around Bucky’s neck to pull him into a tight hug, practically hauling him into his bare chest, face pressed into his mess of brown hair feeling uncharacteristically nurturing.

“You’re so fucking cute you know that? If I didn’t like how I had it now, I’d go after you hard. No pun intended. You deserve someone that sees that all the time like I do Barnes.”

Bucky eased in, nosing Johnny’s jaw lightly, “Our parents don’t think so, think we’re atrocities and who said I would be interested?”

Johnny chuckled softly, a sleep thick haze around his head, “Yeah well fuck parents, who really needs them anyway and you can lie to everyone else you sleep around with but not me Buddy.” 

Bucky nodded against him knowing what he meant.

“Hey, you gonna finally let me take a picture of your dick to remember you by?”

Rolling his eyes Bucky frowned at him as he drew back inches from his face, “You’re never getting a picture of my dick and I’m only going for about a month, I hope.”

Johnny reached over, cupping him between his legs, “Still gonna miss your dick though.”

“Yeah yeah, I’m sure you’ll live.” He squirmed away tugging his jeans on, climbing out of bed, “I’ll see you later Jo.”

Storm grinned, tucking his arm under his head, “Definitely.”

 

“Don’t forget my favorite pair of sweats Jackie."

“Already packed."

Jack stood by the open chest of drawers, an armful of clothes tucked against his elbow, he turned to the bed to tuck them neatly in one corner of the suitcase the rest of the bag already mostly packed. He knelt down to gather a couple clean sets of t-shirts and tank tops from the bottom dresser drawer, mixing colors so they all weren’t black or white.

Brock fastened the buttons at the cuffs of his suit jacket, checking his hair in the mirror,“You get my black shirt? The one with the gym name across it that’s getting a hole in it? What about enough socks? You got my other suit out?”

Jack froze, turning his head to glare at his best friend just as Brock abruptly turned around with a cocky smile, arms out to show himself off in a charcoal black suit with a white dress shirt underneath, “How do I look?”

“Decent if you fix your face.”

“Fuck you.” Rumlow smirked, turning back around to fix his collar, “You wish you’d look half as good as I do.”

Rollins thinly smiled, returning to what he was doing, “Bless your momma for giving you her looks because your pops was real ugly.”

Laughter spilled out of Rumlow, throwing his head back as an arm pressed around his middle, “And they say _I’m_ the bad one.”

“You are the bad one. I’m the quiet one.”

“And Lord knows what the quiet ones are capable of.”

Humming in agreement, he put away the last of Brock’s clothes into the suitcase and closed the front, zipping it securely.

“Thanks Jackie. You’re a real housewife you know that?”

“And you’re a real fucking asshole. The only reason I pack your shit is because you’re terrible at it then I haveta hear about what you forgot because you gotta whine about it all day.”

Rumlow grinned, slapping a hand across Jack’s back, “Like I said, a real housewife.”

Jack only rolled his eyes, “You get your other things I’m gonna be out in the den.”

Brock carried on grinning, stepping away to pack the last of his toiletries, watching him walk out of the room. Bucky came out from the hall bathroom, catching Jack in the living room looking out the window. He didn’t know why he felt so unhappy leaving Jack here, the conversation from last night pressed into his head reminding him how different it would be for him and a frown crossed his features as he stepped towards him. 

“ _Pacha_.”

Jack raised his head immediately to his middle name, turning to look at Bucky with warm green eyes and a smile that always came with the way Bucky’s accent slipped in when he pronounced his name, a hand drawing out for him, “Come over here. Come on.”

Bucky stared up at him, approaching with quick strides easily pulled into an embrace with large arms and settling there. He felt a kiss touch the top of his head, giving him a gentle squeeze, “I love you Sunshine, don’t dwell on the time. Out of anyone telling you this, you listen to me about not wanting to waste away feeling sorry about yourself while you’re stuck there and if you need to talk, I’m always available okay?”

He drew back, nodding at the taller man, “I love you too you know that and I’ll try but I can’t promise..”

Jack’s hand lightly came under the cleft of his chin, making sure Bucky was looking at him right then, “Just try. Yeah?”

He nodded to him, his hand curled around Rollins’ forearm holding it and not wanting to let go of him, “I’ll try. I just..Pacha I don’t want to go. I’m scared.”

He nodded, “Yeah I know but we’ll all be here for calls or texts. No matter what time it is, contact us. Do you have your doctor’s office number?” 

Bucky nodded, pressing against Jack’s strong unwieldy frame. 

“You call her if you need to, seems like a decent lady.” 

Bucky agreed, “She is, I want to keep working with her when I get back.”

“Good, I’m proud of you. Let’s get this crap over with and get you coming back to us, alright?”

Bucky nodded, drawing in a nervous breath his anxiety trying its best to take over entirely.

 

Steve sat up from his sleep still feeling slightly groggy from the medication earlier. He wore simple black sweats to counteract the open gown draped around his shoulders like a coat still hooked up to the chest tube at his side. He looked over his arms again, conforming gauze around his left forearm and held in place with tube-stretch gauze on top. He had stitches trying to heal themselves just below his elbow but he was here and alive. Tony slept in one of the chairs to the side, a magazine sprawled over his lap, his coat over his chest.

He tilted his head to the sound of shoes coming towards his door, a knob turning after a knock, Natasha peeked her head inside, “Is it okay to come in?”

A small pang of disappointment passed through him before he nodded, gesturing to the other empty chair. He climbed out of the bed to stretch his legs, ignoring the sear of uncomfortable pain as he body protested making sure he didn’t move too much as to disrupt his chest tube, he had tested the distance a couple of times in his boredom finding he could get to the window safely enough and watch the world outside.

He winced softly to himself, feeling a slight sensation at the entryway of the tube but he needed to shake the weird stuffy lethargic feeling fogging around his head. He leaned against the window frame, glancing over at the redhead standing by a chair at the end of his hospital bed, “Nat, how are you?”

She seated herself, a small nod towards him after looking at Tony passed out, “I’m good Steve, some aches but they’re going away on their own.”

Steve immediately sensed something wrong about her, his head tilting slightly when she wouldn’t exactly look at him. She looked _at him_ but not into his eyes and he stood up straighter, her shoulders sat a little stiff and even with the way he felt he was feeling alarms and dread emitting out of him, a hand balling up around some of his robe.

“Nat. What’s going on? Where’s Buck?”

As soon as the words came out he surveyed the room, there was no guard he had already talked it all out with Tony. The idea was stupid, Tony was rash and it was smoothed out even if his boyfriend wasn’t looking as happy as he was about it.

He watched her immediately sit up and look at his hands then back at Tony, Steve looking to where she looked noticing the fists he was already making.

“Steve, you have to understand something,” Her voice was calm, stable. He absolutely did not like it. “Bucky’s parents are important people, they don’t like looking bad..”

Steve felt heat sweep through him, his head dropping to the floor as his eyes focused on the off white color staring back at him. His made tighter fists, the conversation sounding vaguely like the one Tony was giving him at the party when he talked about Bucky. A soft tremble vibrated through his skin, deep breaths making themselves more apparent as he felt himself rise to the urgency growing within him.

_Bucky. Where was Bucky?_

“Tash, I won’t ask again.”

He wondered if she could hear the tremble in his voice that he immediately picked up on. It was like he stepped out of himself and he knew it was his voice but not sure if he was willing to believe it was him talking. He didn’t exactly recognize it.

She moved to stand up, approaching but then stepping away again like she was in her own internal struggle; the comfortable distance from the bed to the windows stopped her there. She decided not to move in, Steve’s body language was too rigid and he was coming down from the morphine, head dipped low and she wasn’t sure what he was capable of in this state. This all seemed so backwards considering this was Steve, but her instincts screamed for her to stay where she was and away from his space.

Steve suddenly raised his fist and brought it down on the wood frame, flecks of cheap paint chipped off, his hand easily splintering the wood leaving a ragged indent all with the wrist he was trying to heal.

“Natasha, where is Bucky?!"

Tony sat up, startled from the noise. His magazine and jacket fell off, “What’s going on?! Is there a fire? Bruce?” He rubbed his eyes, looking from Steve to Natasha.

Natasha looked over her shoulder at Tony, giving her head a small shake before stepping towards Steve with her hands open, “I was trying to tell you Steve, he had to leave. He wanted me to tell you, make sure you knew he didn’t plan it. His parents just think it’s for the best if he’s gone for a few weeks because of what happened.”

_Because of what happened when? The party?_

There was a sick cold sensation trickling down his spine sinking deep within his chest tearing him from the inside out, the rational fraction of his brain lost the fight of trying to grasp desperately at the word _weeks_ and only accepting the words _too long_.

Steve heard the wheezing, ragged breathing in his ears, _his_ breathing laced with a faint wet sound from his lungs and a minuscule pained noise crawling up inside of him, “How long is weeks?” 

He was shaking, the emotion rippling through him needing an outlet. His mind was so cloudy, he didn’t completely understand what was going on. Tears pricked the corners of his eyes.

_BuckyBuckyBuckyBucky._

His heart was beating too fast.

Where was he right now? He had to leave? Where?

_Where?_

“Three, maybe four. Steve maybe you should lay down again..”

His head snapped up, blue eyes ablaze almost offended at the suggestion, “I don’t need to rest, I need Bucky here!”

In a fit he pushed over the medical cart, panting heavily, flashing a glare at both of them. Pain roaring through his arm, his ribs begging in futility for stop. His skin was alight as he moved quick without a moment’s thought, stretching tight over healing gashes and scars. A nurse walking by the room caught Steve's reaction, gesturing hurriedly to another nurse at the station.

_This isn’t me!_

He wasn’t sure anymore.

He clutched at his side, “I’m so sick and fucking _tired_ of you all trying to keep me from seeing Bucky!”

“ _Steve_!” Natasha’s voice broke, desperate and strained, her eyes glassy. “You’re not thinking straight!”

She was right, Steve knew she was but all he wanted to do was destroy everything. He accepted his descent, the muddled confused fog he was sitting in, pent up anger overtaking him. He shoved the chair by his leg away from him, barely noticing the blood running down his arm from his raw torn stitches. Thick dark drops staining the floor as orderlies burst into the room, pushing past Tony and Natasha to restrain Steve. He roared out in frustration, managing to throw one of them into the side table colliding with fresh vases of flowers from well wishers and friends before the other managed to put him into a choke hold and pin him to the wall, a nurse quickly injecting him with a tranquilizer. He struggled, showing teeth and crying out in pain, dropping to one knee as he tried to struggle out of the hold, his fight slipping out of his fingertips when he was suddenly released, his second knee hitting the floor with a loud thud. 

Free, he wanted to turn and get back up, pushing away and defend himself from the man that pinned him but everything only began to blur, limbs sinking into a slow pool of quicksand. He attempted to stand, rapidly running out of air to breathe, his lungs on fire; he forced himself to drag a foot flat on the floor only barely managing to push himself up and stumble sideways into the cabinet to the side, two sets of firm hands taking his arms. He tried to get to his feet again but they refused him, his toes dragging along the cool linoleum before he gave in and his head fell forward barely feeling the bed come up against his body.

 

“Who’s that?”

Bucky raised his head to see Dr. Potts climb out of the back of a taxi cab, her face stern and cheeks flushed. He had left a message with her office about leaving for Germany for family business, not able to get a hold of her. They had already done away with all the paperwork that would lead to and he knew she didn’t have to show up. Her movements were stiff and aggressive and it sank in slowly that her eyes were piercing directly at his father.

“Shit. That’s Dr. Potts.”

“Why’s your doc look like she’s about to knock your dad on his ass?” 

“Fuck.” 

He scrambled to get his seatbelt off and get out of the car as quickly as he could.

George watched her stalk towards him, his face stoic with Mr. Susilovic standing next to him.

“Mr. Barnes! Don’t you think it’s rather unorthodox to suddenly send Bucky to another country?”

George didn’t at all looked bothered, in fact he looked mildly amused if just slightly at the question thrown his way, “Hello Dr. Potts, don’t you think it’s rather unprofessional to come to a client’s home unannounced?”

She bristled but kept her eyes locked with his, shoulders stiff with her chin raised high and ready for a fight, “Not if I feel their mental health is at risk, I swore an oath to protect my patients Mr. Barnes. This trip is very disruptive to Bucky’s aftercare and recovery. He shows obvious signs of abuse and trauma no matter how well he hides it, any one can see that when they take the time to talk to him. He shows signs of mild dissociative behavior with people he isn’t familiar with, you had seen that yourself when he had been evaluated by a certified psychiatrist with you in attendance.”

Bucky stood by the both of them, “Dr. Potts, it’s okay.”

His father looked at him, mouth twisted in disapproval before he turned back to her, “Doctor, your concern is admirable if not highly irregular but many woman see James as a helpless victim, a child even that they must care for. You see, he has a knack for charming people to get them to do what he wants, it’s a talent really. Attention seeking, gets what he wants that way.”

Pepper’s face flushed, “With all due respect- ”

George drew in an audible sigh, gesturing a hand in front of him towards her, “Respect? I don’t see a sign of respect Dr. Potts, I see a woman coming to my home and telling me I don’t know how to treat my own son.”

“Mr. Barnes!”

George only raised his hand to stop her, “Dr. Potts please leave before I decide James needs a new doctor when he comes back from his trip.”

Standing up straighter, her whole entire stance was screaming that she was going to be defiant until she was forced to leave, her eyes sharp, “If he was younger I would have reported both you and your wife for- ”

Bucky’s eyes widened stepping in between them, facing Pepper, “Dr. Potts, it’s _fine_ , I want to go on this trip."

His eyes pleaded with her to back down. She was a good person, he liked her and he didn’t want another doctor. She was kind to him and Bucky found he could relax around her and just talk. Showing up here to try to keep him in New York reminded him in a way of Steve, or the way Natasha was lit with a fiery passion when she fought for what she believed was the truth. 

She hesitated for a moment, face softening, a hand instinctively going up in a gesture to soothe Bucky seeing how anxious he was, “Alright Bucky- here..”

Pepper reached into her purse, pulling out a business card and a pen, hastily writing down a phone number and email address holding it out, “If you need to talk, anytime. That’s my cellphone number and my email if you would like to do sessions through a video conference, we can arrange something alright?”

Bucky gave her a smile, fingers brushing over hers giving them a momentary squeeze in appreciation watching her face change to genuine surprise before they both mutually nodded to each other in silent understanding.

“Thank you.”

“Have a safe trip Bucky, remember _anytime_.”

He nodded to her, standing put where he was as he watched her get back into the cab, eyes watching him as the car pulled away and down the drive.

“What an infuriating woman. How do you deal with her James?”

Bucky turned around to look at his dad, “She’s nice, she makes me feel comfortable.”

The elder male only shook his head, gesturing behind him, “Imogen wants to see you before you leave, don’t take too long.”

Brock climbed out of the back of the car following after Bucky, the pair of them heading towards the kitchen hastily.

Bucky approached the kitchen timidly watching Imogen pressing her palm into the lid of a container to snap it shut. She looked up when she realized she wasn’t alone, a warm smile across her gentle features as Bucky silently walked up to her and hugged her tight.

“Oh, I know Bluejay. I know. You’ll be fine. I promise."

Imogen pressed her lips at the top of his head, cupping his face softly. Her eyes were shining, tears sat still, sadness over her features, “Remember, less than a month. I don’t doubt your time will go quick my Love.”

Bucky nodded solemnly, taking the two large black take out containers with clear covers that she handed him, moving to the spice room to get a plastic bag, Imogen moving to Brock. 

She reached over straightening his suit jacket for him, fingers delicately brushing the ends of his hair trying to fold over to his forehead, “And you Brock Rumlow,”

“Yes ma’am.” 

“Please, make sure he’s safe, _please_.”

Brock only stared fondly at her for a moment, eventually taking a step forward to wrap his arms around her and console her. He remembered the day he met her, still the same person she always was and that always resonated in him, “I promise. You ain’t gotta worry about him while I’m around. I swear it.”

She drew back, framing his face with her hands, “You stay safe too, alright? I know I worry about James but I don’t want to worry about you too. I still remember that suspicious little boy that first came into my kitchen, dragged by a much smaller boy and you _allowed_ him to."

Brock smiled at the memory, glancing in Bucky’s direction across the kitchen before his eyes swept back to Imogen’s face, “I don’t know what he does to me, to any of us. I just suddenly followed him everywhere he wanted to go, I can’t think of anything else that would be an alternative to that. You know?” 

They said their goodbyes again one last time, returning back to the front at the driveway with everything as they had left it a few minutes ago. Bucky took a few steps forward towards his father while Brock waited for them to be sent on their way. He stood in front of George, head up, his shoulders stiff as he was looked over in his black suit, he tried his best to stare straight ahead and not at him scared that he could see inside and find everything.

“Where’s your tie, James?”

Silently he pulled it out of his coat pocket, opening his palm out for his father to take it with a click of his tongue at how wrinkled it was though already tied and ready to slip around his neck like a noose. George pulled the white collar of his shirt up, the first button undone on it and Bucky’s distaste spilled out over his face, turning his head away with a glance to the side, the tie was slipped on him and fit around his neck while he watched his father’s face for a second, a calm serious expression across it.

“Where’s mom?”

“She’s not here. She had to meet with the charity ball planners earlier in the morning.”

He looked away, chewing his lip nervously trying not to show the obvious disappointment on his face, “Did she..say anything before she left?”

His father smoothed his collar out, “Not a word.”

“Oh.” He folded his arms over his chest, trying his damnedest not to slouch his shoulders in or else he would be getting another long lecture over something new.

“I trust you to understand I don’t want you starting trouble in New York while away overseas James.”

Bucky swallowed down the lump in his throat, the tie already feeling too hot and tight around him as he nodded, “Don’t contact Steve, I get it.”

George drew in a deep breath, focused on brushing down his shoulders, “Oh I never said that. It’s your choice whether to contact Mr. Rogers, he was in an accident was he not? I can see how you would be concerned for his well being while away at such a great distance. Don’t let me stop you from making another mess.”

Bucky’s brows knit together, helpless and resigned to accept the veiled threat, when his father was satisfied he moved to drop his arms and Bucky suddenly snatched a wrist before both hands drew away, his gaze earnest hoping to fight one last time, “Please don’t make me do this. _Please_.”

His breath caught in his throat, fingers tightening around George’s wrist in desperation but his father’s expression only looked irritated, grey eyes looking towards the grip Bucky had on him before looking at Bucky in the face, “Let go James.”

Immediately he wanted to comply and listen but he only wrapped his fingers in tighter, his eyes pleading with his father, “Dad.. _please_.”

George pulled his grip free, switching the hold to grab Bucky’s face by the chin holding his face to level with his son’s, “You should be so lucky I’m your father. What would you do in life, huh? What _have_ you done? You’d rather go stick your head in the clouds than make something of yourself. What do you have right now James that we haven’t supplied you with? _Nothing_. Remember that while you’re in Germany and what happens when we ask you to listen to us and you choose not to.”

Brock sucked in a sharp breath, keeping his emotions to himself. As far as he was concerned this was all Tony Stark’s doing. _Someone_ saw the whole situation unfold and everyone that was there saw Tony react, not Bucky. This was only beneficial to Stark, taking out the threat, he couldn’t see this any other way. He swallowed thickly, his eyes locked on the pair of them, George speaking close and low. Bucky didn’t even fight back, hands dead at his sides and he almost stepped in. _Almost_. George Barnes would have been flat on his back and seconds from wishing he was dead if Brock didn’t control himself. He clenched his teeth together so hard they began to hurt but he ignored the pain, his rapid heartbeat drowning everything out in his ears, warmth rushing through his entire body. He hated seeing this, that he couldn’t stop it, not if he didn’t want things to get worse for Bucky. 

“Take him.”

And then Brock moved, pressing his hand on Bucky’s shoulder and suddenly he felt him slump and Bucky went, shut down. Brock knew Bucky wasn’t going to kick or scream, even if every fiber of his being wanting to, needed to. Brock remembered Bucky admitting he had before, fought against what they wanted. He never elaborated, but supplied it was a reason he was slightly afraid of the dark as an adult like it was a fun little joke between them even though Brock never really wanted to think about what really happened because of it. Bucky easily complied and followed Brock’s lead into the back seat of the car in dead silence.

At the private airspace, Charles came around to let them out, Mr. Susilovic getting out and onto the plane, Brock climbing out after while someone at the side came to take their bags out of the back. Bucky got out from the car, staring warily at the private plane, his eyes looking towards Brock and then Charles, giving him a helpless nod.

“It’s the end of the line boss.”

“For you Sir, never.”

The man hesitated for a moment before he stepped forward to give Bucky a hug. Surprise crossed his features before he brought him arms up, hugging him back tightly the both of them withdrawing much too soon.

“Watch out for Img, she’s going to stress herself out wondering if I’m fine.”

He nodded, “I will Sir, you just take care of yourself.”

Bucky took one last look before going inside, the plane doors closing and it wasn’t until they were off the ground and into the air that Bucky lost all of the composure he had. Soft leather seats not giving him any comfort as he pressed his hands into his face trying helplessly to stop the strained whimpered sounds and hot tears from going on. He failed horribly, a sympathetic stewardess coming by with a box of tissues. Brock intercepted her to take it moving to sit in the seat next to Bucky gently coaxing him to move and lean into him. 

“Shh, come on Kiddo, you’re alright. We’ll be back before you know it.”

Bucky held on tightly to Rumlow, crying harder into his shirt, sucking at air, struggling slightly to breathe and cry, trying to speak in a roll of words, “I fucked it up..I fucked up Rummy. I did this all, I wish I never opened my mouth.”

Brock only shook his head, cupping the back of Bucky’s head to keep him there, brushing his hair lightly.

 

Brock watched some movie playing on the overhead monitor, he wasn’t entirely paying attention to it, fingers lightly gliding along Bucky’s shoulder as he draped himself against his chest. He had quieted down, lost in thought and he only knew he was awake when his eyelashes would gently brush against his neck when he blinked.

“He’s right you know.”

Rumlow took a moment to answer, tugging the thin blue blanket the same stewardess brought over pulling it back up against Bucky’s shoulders, “Your dad ain’t ever right.”

He felt him shift a little, nose pressed along his adam’s apple, “What do I even have? Nothing. Even my inheritance is frozen until at least the sessions with Dr. Potts stop, then whatever else I have to jump through hoops for. He already hates her because of today, he’ll find her report bias. I already know. If they want to cut me off, I’m homeless.”

Brock rubbed his shoulder, moving to the small of his back to keep him there, patting the spot lightly, “You ain’t ever gonna be homeless Kiddo. I’ll take you in, never gotta ask me.”

 

Steve woke up wincing to the lights turned on overhead. He heard a shuffle of movement before they were dimmed down to the lowest setting. He proceeded to move his hands to rub them over his eyes, lifting them slightly before they stopped, held back, opening to look around warily, finding his wrists bound by padded restraints. 

“Hey man, there you are. I was wondering when you were going to wake up.”

Steve cringed slightly, moving his legs to find those restricted as well. He was trying to think back but he felt so tired and muddled.

“Sam?” 

His voice sounded so gravelly and tight.

A soft hand touched his arm, rolling his eyes to see Natasha looking at him from a chair, a crinkle of a chip bag caught his attention at the foot of the bed, Clint holding a snack sized bag over his mouth to get the last crumbs, Natasha slapping his knee with a huff.

“Clint? Nat? What happened? Why am I restrained?”

He tugged again sighing lightly as he dropped his head back against the pillow as everything flooded back to him, “Bucky.”

“Do you remember what happened?"

Natasha stroked his hair softly, Steve allowing his eyes to close as he shook his head lightly, “I remember being confused and a little out of place when I woke up then you came in and I felt agitated and my head felt so foggy. I didn’t get it, I got scared and you told me Bucky was gone and suddenly it was like I was beside myself seeing this whole other person coming out of me. Just blind anger. I don’t remember everything, you told me he was gone for too long. I remember I got so angry and was yelling for Bucky. I don’t understand,” He opened his eyes, looking at the both of them, “Did I hurt anyone?”

Sam gave him a comforting smile, sliding his hand into one of Steve’s gripping it firmly, “No, one of the orderlies has some bumps and bruises but he’s okay.”

“Why was I acting like that though?”

“The doctors think you might be having post concussion syndrome or it’s your reaction to the morphine making you moody and agitated while coming down from it. Your scans are showing up clear after your accident but you don’t generally lash out like that so they’re checking both.”

Steve swallowed nervously, “Is the concussion thing permanent? Is this a psych thing?”

Natasha sat in the small space on the bed beside Steve hushing him softly, “It’s too early to really figure it out, you’re only restrained because of how you acted. It’s like when someone has anger issues and can’t control it. You’re pretty level headed Steve, but if this is permanent you have to learn to take some things without exploding. I know you can do that, I’ve seen you smile and grit your teeth to too many assholes at the bar.”

He closed his eyes again, tears suddenly spilling silently down the corners of his eyes, “Tony. I was yelling that I needed Bucky in front of Tony. Oh my god..”

“Shh, I already talked to Tony. I explained it to him in a way he wouldn’t get so upset, I kind of played the ‘you bumped your head and didn’t know better’ card but as long as he bought it. Telling Tony anything else will only make it complicated. I know you don’t put Bucky beside Tony in importance but you were in an accident and one of your best friends is gone for a month, you’re displaced, yelling was all you had. We get it, trying to tell Tony that won’t make sense.” Sam explained.

It should have made Steve feel better but he only felt worse, a wet choked gasp escaping him before he cried harder, dropping his head to one side as he tried to smother his face against the pillow the best he could.

The trio gave him a few minutes, Nat’s hand continued to softly stroke his hair and he tilted into it not really able to do anything else.

_Bucky._

He sniffled loudly, Sam tugging out a tissue from the box to softly blot his face for him, blue eyes looking at Natasha, “Tell me what happened, Nat please.”

She opened her mouth to respond when a doctor walked in, “Mr. Rogers! Good you’re awake.” 

The man stepped forward, doing a quick look over, passing a light over his eyes and checking his fresh stitches a soft hum escaping him when he was satisfied. “You had a very emotional morning, we had to adjust your chest tube while you were unconscious, is it causing you any discomfort? How are you feeling?”

A shrug immediately arose from Steve suddenly feeling unhappy, a frown pulling at the corners of his slightly trembling lips, “Tube feels fine I guess."

The doctor sympathized, lightly patting his shoulder, “You are aware you need to take some time to process before you react for the time being, yes?”

Steve nodded his head shakily, “I have to watch my anger a little more closely right now. I didn’t realize I was going to act that way if I just let it go.”

“Exactly, remember this might be a temporary thing from a reaction to your medication but I do need you to be calm and take a bit of time to relax. Give yourself some time to heal and recover. Mr. Stark said you paint? I would suggest picking that up on a more familiar basis for a few weeks once you get out of here next week and see how everything is going. Only you know yourself and your emotions aside from what we can do for you.”

Steve nodded, watching the man smile at him as he moved down to unfasten one of the restraints, looking up to Sam and Natasha who immediately worked on one each, Clint getting to one at his other ankle.

“Now, I don’t think you need these anymore and if there aren’t any problems with your lungs tomorrow we’ll remove the tube for you. You’re still going to have to take it very simple, you’ll have a few days here before you’ll be able to go home but even there just relax, do some painting, read, take a walk instead of going to the gym. Simple easy things. We’ll be getting you on breathing exercises as well but right now just rest and relax and no more of what happened earlier am I clear?”

“Yes and thank you doctor.” Steve immediately responded, rubbing his wrists lightly.

The doctor smiled, giving everyone a quick nod before scribbling some notes down and taking his exit. As soon as he left, Steve carefully pulled himself to lean back and sit himself up. Sam offered him a bottle of water, seating himself down to Steve’s right, Natasha taking a seat to his left, Clint moved towards the window not saying much and Steve could only watch after him. He seemed slightly withdrawn, not too outward about it, but there was something in his face, tension there that he never really saw before. Clint was calm, easy going. He took a simple, maybe sometimes lazy approach to things if he got the chance. This person in the room with them was not that guy, he looked fine but his movements were stiff and tight, it was all in his face and shoulders and Steve really didn’t like this version of him, feeling a sinking feeling inside the pit of his stomach. 

He wiped his eyes lightly, drinking down most of the water before bracing himself. It was too unreal, his mind not completely processing Bucky’s absence yet, he wasn’t sure if he would fully comprehend for a day or so. He was unsure of a lot at that moment.

“Tasha.”

Natasha nodded lightly, clasping her hands before her, swallowing thickly her green eyes finally meeting his blues and he saw sadness in them, tears immediately flooding his eyes again. They spilled as Sam reached over to rest a hand on his forearm, “This isn’t a joke is it? He’s really gone.”

Natasha dropped her head forward, sniffling through her nose softly before raising her head to look at him. No tears, holding her head up high and strong but all that pain and sadness Steve couldn’t unsee burning into his memory.

“His father sent him away, used the family business as a reason for it but if you knew George Barnes, you’d know everything he did was for a reason that might not be so clear as day. After you were admitted there was a fight, it wasn’t exactly a fight, Tony was very upset and he took it all out on James..”

Steve furrowed his brows in confusion, looking towards Sam for guidance, “You never told me Tony was angry at Bucky for this.”

Closing his eyes for a moment with a shake of his head, his best friend looked at him calmly, “I didn’t feel like you needed to know the details of why there was a guard at your door for a day, Steve. He just took it out on him, he was upset and scared, he didn’t understand what he was doing and he was already jealous of your rela- your friendship with Bucky. It just all came out.”

Steve couldn’t believe it, he pushed it down for now, gesturing for Nat to continue.

“Well, Brock was there, words were said and Brock attacked Tony, he didn’t hurt him he only wanted to scare him and we were kicked out of the hospital for it. We went to James' place and his father had already found out about it, told him in not so nice terms to stay away from you because you were Tony’s and he was making the family look bad..”

“Who told his father?”

Sam immediately shook his head, “That’s what we don’t know man, it could have been anyone from the hospital that saw the fight and I don’t remember all the faces there. I was upset about the accident then all hell broken loose and I was trying to stop anything bad from happening.”

“He knew everything, he knew Brock was on him, knew your name. I didn’t even know he knew anything about you," Natasha bit back the thought of telling Steve about Mr. Barnes raising a hand on James but she knew he couldn’t do anything about it anyway. “James resigned himself and said he understood. With Tony’s reaction it was probably a good idea. I, um, when we visited you that other time when you had the guard at your door, his father called and told him and Brock to come see him. He went back to the house with Brock and of course George decided James wasn’t punished enough for something he didn’t even start. They packed him up and sent him to Germany with Brock in tow as his personal bodyguard completely undermining Brock as well in the process but he wasn’t going to leave him alone out there for almost a month. Brock would have worked for free to protect James.”

Sam let out a low whistle shaking his head folding his arms across his chest with a frown, “His parents are something else, I tell you. I thought I had it bad when my momma would hit my hand with a wooden spoon for reaching out across the table before Grace but these two. These two can have the ‘screwing up your kid’ award, fine by me.”

Natasha gazed at Sam, smiling softly at him, “James' always been sweet and gentle ever since I met him when we were children, but he’s very insecure and locked in this mind frame to please them; his mother more than his father but I don’t think he’ll ever get their approval. They expect a lot and when he can meet most of them, he’s not good enough, he failed and they make sure he knows.”

Steve lowered his head, staring at his hands across his lap, all the information was making him angry and frustrated. He knew it was bad but not this bad. No one deserved to be treated like that, especially not Bucky. Nothing was right about any of this. No one had needed to take Bucky away and for a reason that made no lick of sense to him.

A sigh escaped Sam, nodding sadly, “Yeah, unfortunately that’s text book child abuse, its all psychological and emotional but it’s still abuse you just can’t see their scars. Kids just want to be loved by people that don’t care and they’re just looped to fail because of it. Poor Bucky.”

Clint came back to sit, all gathered in a comfortable silence trying to come up with any answers to the questions they couldn’t answer just yet about who told Mr. Barnes, the door opening abruptly with Tony stepping in and pausing mid-step with one foot in the room, “Oh! Hey everyone.”

Sam gave him a smile as slightly uncomfortable as it did suddenly feel considering, Steve staring at his boyfriend in lost wonder knowing exactly what his best friend was thinking about.

Sam looked towards Tony, then to Steve, “Well we should get going.”

Clint and Natasha started to get up immediately, Sam already on his feet before Steve’s arm went out to gesture for him to wait a second.

“No one told me til now that you had a fight with Bucky in the middle of a hospital. Why did you do that Tony? I told you he’s my friend and the second I’m not there you embarrassed him in front of all our friends.”

Sam rested a hand on Steve’s wrist, “Steve- ”

He turned to his friend, “No, I wanna know why. _Why_. He’s not here anymore because of this, _someone_ told his father and now he’s not here. Do you get that? Does it make you happy? Bucky doesn’t deserve this.”

Surprise flashed across Tony’s face, glancing at Sam, Natasha and Clint before he looked at Steve with a frown, “Okay listen, first of all I never embarrassed him in front of our friends. He’s the one that walks around with a walking time bomb as a friend, damn well knocked my head off. I never attacked him..”

“Physically.” Sam piped in.

Tony glared at him but said nothing, folding his arms over his chest, “Look, I got upset. People get upset. I said a few things you already knew I was thinking and you got hit by a car! Do you want the honest truth? Am I happy Barnes is gone? I never sent him away but honestly it’s good. You got time to take care of yourself after a traumatic event and we have time to spend with each other, to mend things that may have been an issue. You and me like it was before.”

Steve pressed his lips tight absorbing his words, “Nothing changed with me and you only turned it into a problem when you noticed I made a new friend, but I never left anywhere, you make it sound like I was off canceling on you when you were the one canceling on me.”

“And you knew me a long time before we dated Steve, you knew how I was. I canceled on everyone because I had a new prototype to work on, or the science wing wanted my help with something. They started introducing me to everything we had for SI and I could have easily left school before everyone else because I was course completed a long time ago but I stayed there to experience it. To be with you all, you’re all important to me especially you Steve. I never asked to take over SI, it just happened but you knew I was exactly this person before I even took it over.”

The thing was, Steve did; even when he looked at Sam, he could see it in his eyes that Tony was right. Tony was never going to be anyone but Tony, he was always honest and true to his word on that matter and if you wanted to be in his world, you would have to adapt to his way of life. Steve was never tricked or coerced into being with him, he always liked him on some level and things fell into place one fateful day when Tony was trying to fix a new type of robot and something was wrong with the circuitry. Steve offered to help because he was there just staring blankly at formulas and equations picking up on barely any of it and Tony began to explain about what may be the issue. It was the way he spoke about what he was doing that always got to him, the passion for his work. Grease smudged across his face and a curve of a smile while he was explaining what this bot was for and why it was important and usually it was always to help people. Steve wasn’t sure when their mutual crush turned into love but he knew the second he leaned in and kissed Tony mid-sentence and his grease coated fingers immediately clutched at Steve’s neck he knew they were hooked.

Right now though, Steve was frustrated and angry, most of his exterior pain numbed by medication but inside he felt emotions just simmering slowly, his mind rehashing all the information of the past thirty six hours. He raised his eyes warily to stare at Sam, his expression subtly changing when he realized what Steve was feeling.

“You need to leave right now Tony.”

Raising his brows, Tony snapped his head up to really look at his boyfriend, “What?” 

Steve shook his head, “I- I love you but I’m really feeling upset right now. I need to rest and a lot is racing through my mind at the moment. I need some time alone to take this all in.”

Hands went up to Tony’s hips but he chose not to fight it, a frown across his face turning to look at Nat and Clint accusingly then to Sam who could only look back at him helplessly.

He walked towards the door, taking one last glance over his shoulder, “And I love you too Steve. I did what I believed was right at the time while I was hoping you were okay. All I was thinking about was you and if that was a problem for anyone else it wasn’t my concern.”

 

Bucky didn’t make any sort noise when they landed, the night sky already dark and six hours ahead of New York at a private airport but he slid on a pair of glasses and pulled the hood over his head on his sweater he pulled on instead of his suit coat, music softly coming from his earbuds. Brock handed him his peacoat to wear in the bristling cold and they both climbed into a limousine while Mr. Susilovic took a different vehicle to his own place letting Brock know he would be in contact tomorrow.

At the hotel a bellhop took their bags out and past them in a haste, a doorman eagerly holding the way for them and Brock supposed this was all normal for Bucky though he made no effort to care his face barely in view with his hood pulled down so deep. Brock didn’t blame him either. A young man in a black suit and a gold name tag over his left breast pocket was waiting to greet them. Brock squinted at him for a moment, not much in age compared to them, his tall slim body barely holding the suit instead of it holding him, short dirty blond hair swept neatly to one side and bright blue eyes, smiling happily at the both of them holding his hand out.

“Welcome Mr. Barnes and Mr. Rumlow, it is a pleasure to have you both here. I am Yuri your personal in-house concierge for your stay, if you need anything I will be here for either of you at any time all you will have to do is call.”

Brock gave him a strained smile, giving his hand a quick shake before letting go, “Well thanks and if you need anything from James Barnes over here, let me know I’ll get it to him.”

Yuri froze for a moment, hand drawn back into his other hand, “Sir?” 

Brock knew it wasn’t directed to him and entirely to Bucky who tucked himself off and to the side behind Rumlow, sunglasses still on over his eyes and his head half hung down buried deep into his peacoat, one earbud was out but the music still played on. 

Bucky gave a small nod, lifting his head just enough to make it a clear acknowledgment, “Yes. He’s correct. Brock Rumlow is who you go to if you need anything from me.” 

His voice was strained, the faint soft unsteadiness came out loud and clear to Brock, the fist he made to his side tightening. He was ready to press this on so Bucky could get to their penthouse and hide away if their concierge hadn’t nodded quickly and handed Brock a small envelope with their keys, “Do you require I come up with you and Mr. Barnes, Mr. Rumlow?”

“No,” Brock quickly shook his head, already moving before he paused and turned around, “Thanks Yuri.”

He smiled back seemingly proud that he was appreciated, tucking his hands behind his back, “Goodnight Sirs.”

As soon as they keyed themselves inside, Bucky immediately made the move to the master bedroom suite, not acknowledging anything except for his shoes, kicking them off on his route. Brock watched after him, hearing a faint sniffle echoing through the penthouse then the rustle of clothing and his suitcase opening. He gave him a few minutes, turning to the second bedroom with his own suitcase waiting for him on top of the luggage bench at the end of the bed. He changed out of his own suit and into some sweats and a tank top, looking out at the wide floor to ceiling windows and into the city illuminated by the lights with the night as its background. 

He walked back out and into Bucky’s room, finding him already under the covers and rolled up, quietly sobbing into his pillow and the pain sat in his chest. The familiar sight brewing anger with sadness, his eyes misting before he blinked back the push of tears wanting to come. He quickly swept the heel of his hand across both eyes before he climbed in behind him, sitting himself up against the soft padded headboard and coaxing Bucky to move in between his legs. Bucky kept his head down as he shifted, his soft fits of teary hiccups only echoed through Brock his hands moving to Bucky’s shoulders to shift him faster and watch him rest his head against his thigh like he had before. He settled him with a deep draw of air, brushing his fingers lightly through his hair, “I love you Baby Boy, you remember that we all love you alright?”

Bucky didn’t answer, burying himself tighter into his blanket.

 

Brock met Claire Westerwelle in the early morning, loud angry knocking startling him out of his sleep, checking on Bucky passed out most likely from exhaustion before he climbed out of bed and finally answered it. 

A blond petite woman was on the other side, black framed glasses in a black skirt suit and her hair in a tight bun and a frown across her features that could make most men walk the other way waited til the door was opened wide enough. 

“My name is Claire Westerwelle, I’m Mr. Susilovic’s assistant. If you don’t hear from him, it will be me most of the time."

She slapped a dry cleaning bag into his chest, “Mr. Barnes has his first board meeting at nine am sharp on Thursday Mr. Rumlow. We know you are not in his employ for caretaking so if you would like me to come inside to get him changed that day- ”

Brock cut her off with a quick shake of his head, shifting his body closer to the door space between them on instinct.

“With all due respect _ma’am_..” The words ground out of him like glass since he was using that term quite loosely, his jaw clenched, the coil deep within him wound up tight and ready to snap.

“There’s nothing else to say about this. He has time to unwind from his flight so there shouldn’t be an issue. Do I make myself clear as per Mr. Susilovic’s orders?”

Brock seethed, his fingers clutched at the door frame giving a small curt nod watching the woman turn on her heels and off down the hallway. 

It took every ounce of strength not to slam the door, moving quickly through the suite and into the master bedroom. Bucky was still curled up under a nest of blankets where he had left him earlier. 

“Baby, you good?”

He already knew he wasn’t, the back of his hand pressing lightly to a flushed face and lethargic movements. His light was gone, Rumlow’s hand stroking into soft brown hair after sitting down before him. 

“Just a few weeks Buck, then we’ll be back on U.S. soil,” He drew in a breath, “That Susilovic fella’s assistant dropped by. Snappy bitch, she told me you have to attend a board meeting on Thursday.”

He gently gestured to the garment bag holding what he assumed was a business suit, he was pretty sure Bucky didn’t even look, his eyes looking at him blankly, “She dropped this suit off for you and we just have to be ready for nine am.”

Bucky didn’t answer but Brock knew he would go, let him direct and tell him what to do but right now, he didn’t care about much of anything lost in how unhappy he was. He had already made the call to Natasha to let her and Clint know they had arrived, placing another call with Jack to let him know as well last night. He said he would get Bucky to call them later, give him a few days to get adjusted, he only hoped that was all he really needed to get himself together. He watched Bucky silently go back into himself and Brock gave him a little space, getting himself together to go take a hot shower.

 

Brock stared at the back of Bucky’s head for a long moment, nestled up beside him for the past hour or so to keep him company while he barely shifted. He ordered room service but Bucky made no attempt to eat. He was so despondent and it ate away at him how surprising it seemed he would go this far. He wondered if he had missed something entirely, silently easing Bucky to turn around.

“I need to ask you somethin’ Kiddo. I know it’s none of my business, you can tell me to fuck off if you want but..” He eased himself to sit up, leaning against the headboard not sure if he should keep his hand on his shoulder so he didn’t, resting it back onto his own lap.

“You and Rogers..have you, are you two,” He wanted to say _fucking_ but it seemed too crude right then even though usually he wouldn’t have given a shit. _Sleeping_ would have been taken to another route too. “Having sex with each other?”

Bucky blinked in surprise, his mouth forming a surprised O, “What? No, no. I don’t sleep with him, I swear. We’ve never even kissed, nothing like that Rummy, we just- ”

He suddenly stopped himself, his face looking completely guilty and he turned his head away, his eyes darting to the window and Brock grasped his arm lightly to get him to turn back and look at him.

“ _Bucky_.”

Blinking a few times, Bucky had a sheepish expression across his face as he stared up at him. His eyes still red, face shadowed by sadness but it was there, staring at Brock’s disapproving features.

“We sleep together, just sleep like normal people sleep. I’ve never had sex with him, I’ve never done anything sexual with him. I swear on your mama.”

Brock was quiet and Bucky supposed he was accepting this, or he hoped. He only wanted to curl up and wallow away again, missing Steve’s face.

“I’ll fucking kill him.”

Bucky blinked, the words cutting into the air like a knife, “W-what? Why?”

Brock stared off for a moment, lost in his mind and eventually his eyes looked back at him, eyes tense, “He’s taking advantage of you, don’t tell me you don’t see that bullshit!”

Tears came before Bucky could even react to them, a hand pressing to Brock’s forearm while he scrambled up to lazily sit up, gripping it firmly. 

“He’s not though! I told you we don’t do anything..”

A hand reached out before he could say more, two fingers brushing Bucky’s bangs off his forehead lightly tapping those fingers at his temple, “Emotionally Kiddo. Maybe not physically but emotionally you guys are fuckin’.” 

Bucky stared at him in some kind of lost awe not sure how to respond and Brock stared at him long and hard as if he scanned each thought going through Bucky’s mind before Rumlow only nodded in confirmation. 

“I thought as much. Fucker is dead when we get back.”

Sniffling, a few tears rolling down his cheeks, Bucky looked at him, “I don’t know Rummy. He doesn’t like me like that and I just have a little crush on him, it’s nothing..”

“Bucky don’t lie to me. You let him touch you? Hold you? He fucking tore out of a party his boyfriend was holdin’ to save you from me because I was drunk. Maybe he doesn’t have feelin’s for you like that and he’s just protective like me but he’s using you in some way, don’t come to me and _lie_ about how you feel because you wouldn’t act like this for anyone outside of us. You’re a wreck. This is dangerous Baby, he’s taking advantage of you whether he means it or not, he’s taking something from you his own damn boyfriend isn’t giving him- ”

Bucky cried harder, hands pressing to his ears, “ _Stop_ Rum, stop saying those things about him!”

Brock brought his large warm hands up to cup his face, fingers pressed along Bucky’s to move them away from his ears, thumbs gingerly sweeping across his cheekbones, “Baby, Baby listen to me. I love you, _I. Love. You_. I want you _safe_ and I know you hate when I treat you like glass but you are such a good person, so damn fuckin’ good. You care so much about people that sometimes it gets you in trouble, some people you end up carin’ about are only out to take advantage of you and you put them on a level of trust your emotions can’t handle. With your circumstances I really wouldn’t blame ya for being an angry piece of shit, instead of how you really are. Look at you, you could have been a real asshole but you ain’t. I would get it. I mean I know _I_ am. But you don’t. You take precautions but if you like someone you give in so easily Kid, it’s not good for you. You wear your damn heart on your sleeve and let people break it. I never want you hurt Baby, you only deserve the good and the only type of people good for you are people that treat you how you deserve to be treated not like the fella you care about now. I know you ain't gonna listen to me Kiddo but remember what I'm saying because you know I love you, yeah?"

Fresh slow tears rolled down Bucky’s face nodding slowly to his question, and Brock nodded to him before he pulled him into his chest, holding him tight.

 

“I made some extra soup for you, it’s called Shchi..kind of a Russian style cabbage soup but I put some meatballs in it, James always loved that and then I forgot he wasn’t here to have it.”

Steve held Natasha's hand comfortingly while his other unscrewed the lid of the thermos sitting on his food tray taking in the scent with a smile, “Smells really good Natasha, thanks.”

She sat herself down, squishing Steve’s brown bear beside him, “How are you feeling today?”

“Better. I had time to process and soak it all in. No more anger, I got some time to myself. I’m not angry at Tony, I don’t think I was before but his presence was just on me if you get that. He was part of something and him being right there was distracting and upsetting me.”

She nodded to him, “You needed that time, I’m glad you sorted yourself out with it.”

“I left Tony a message but I’m not sure how he feels about being kicked out yesterday..I’m a little worried since he hasn’t called back.”

“Don’t worry Steve, even if he’s mad he won’t be for long and I’m sure he isn’t. He’s been at your side as much as he could, he was really worried about you.”

Steve gave her a grin, pulling her in a little and Natasha leaned in the rest of the way giving each other a hug, her hand lightly cupping a cheek and suddenly she remembered, turning her head to pull the letter from her coat pocket.

“Here.”

Steve was looking at the items Natasha packed in the bag, glancing up to see his name on an envelope, Bucky’s handwriting. 

“What’s this?”

Nat shrugged her shoulders, “James wanted you to have it. Told me to make sure I gave it to you while he was gone he never said what was in it.”

Steve took it with a trembling hand, the envelope was very thin, most likely nothing in there but a single piece of paper from a stationary but it was from Bucky at any rate and he felt like tearing it open to read. Instead he only held it to his chest, Natasha giving him space while she moved off the bed to tidy up around the chairs from a couple of past visitors earlier today. She sat down in one of the seats, sending away a text and Steve smiled to himself knowing she was trying to make herself scarce. 

He tore it open carefully pulling out one single sheet of small notebook paper folded neatly in half and he read it, fresh tears hitting the note and Natasha looked up in concern.

“Steve?”

Steve raised his hand for her not to get up, shaking his head, “It’s not sinking in Nat, I just..”

He looked down at the paper again, sniffling to himself in disbelief, “I keep thinking he’s about to walk through the doors, my brain won’t accept it.”

Natasha tucked her phone away, “It’s not only you Steve, believe me.”

  


He watched Bucky blink silently, his back turned and staring off into nothing while Rumlow’s fingers continued stroking hair and sitting against the headboard of the bed occasionally sending text messages. It had been a good few hours like this Brock not really wanting to do anything to exacerbate Bucky’s state but also wishing there was something, _anything_ more to show or tell him it was going to be okay. He knew though that it most likely wouldn’t matter, Bucky didn’t feel like talking and for now he tolerated his presence but if anger came up the situation might become a lot different and he didn’t want to have to deal with that.

Brock licked his lips quickly, smoothing his arm out against the pillow just above Bucky’s head as he curled up behind him and laid out, the side of his gruff face tucking against Bucky’s jawline, Brock’s hand moving to tap to a nonexistent beat lightly against Bucky’s chest. He cleared his throat, knowing it had been a long while since he did this and he wasn’t the best at it, usually coming out patchy and rough but he wanted to for Bucky, always for him because he enjoyed it every time Rumlow gave him the chance.

“ _..Like a river to a raindrop, I lost a friend. My drunken hazard Daniel in a lion's den and tonight I know it all has to begin again.._ ”

Carefully he watched Bucky shift his head a little, perk up if just a fraction. Listening to his rough worn voice, sing low and slow while he pressed the beat against Bucky’s heart.

“ _..So whatever you do, don't let go..and if we could float away, fly up to the surface and just start again..lift off before trouble just erodes us in the rain, just erodes us in the rain, just erodes us and see roses in the rain..saying.._ ”

Bucky turned his body to look at him, darkened red circles around his already sunken bloodshot eyes, tears staining lines along his flushed face. Brock reached over grazing his hair out of the way, fingers brushing tears off his lashes as he smiled at him. 

“ _..slow it down.._ ” 

He watched fresh tears fill up in his eyes, pushing his head into his chest and immediately Brock felt the warm wetness soak into his tank top engulfing him in his arms, 

“ _..slow it down.._ ”

He gripped him tight, a promise to never let him go, the beat of the silent music tapping off Bucky’s back, 

“ _..Through chaos as it swirls.._ ” 

He nuzzled the top of his head, crooning out barely above a breath, 

“ _..It's us against the world.._ ”  
  
  
  
_**Dear Steve,**_

**_If you’re reading this, then you probably know by now what happened to me. Don’t be mad at Nat, you know shooting the messenger and all, poor taste. I wanted to say I’m sorry about everything that happened, I never meant for anything to go like this. I never meant for Tony to hate me, or for me to say shitty things about him. I never meant for the accident or all the hurt I’ve caused. I know you said I shouldn’t feel guilty but I do and maybe some part of me deserves this. I always feel like things happen for a reason and maybe we do make our own destiny but I can never get over moments where things just click into place like some weird divine intervention deal. Sort of like how I learned just recently that high school wasn’t the first time we met which is weird._ **

**_Anyway, you’re the type of person that deserves great things, to be great and you are. I hope none of this stops you from chasing your dream and hope you get something set up with one of those gallery guys you’ve been talking to because when I’m back I hope you got some good news to tell me. I can finally stop distracting you long enough to get some shit done huh? We both know I’m probably going to need something positive since corporate soul sucking isn’t my deal._ **

**_In any case I’m not great at goodbyes no matter how temporary so, I’ll see you later?_ **

**_Don’t forget me._ **

**_Buck_ **

  


Tony stepped up to the door of Steve’s private room, moving his hand away when the handle turned from the other side the door opening to Natasha inside looking at him in surprise. 

"Hi."

She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, giving him a small smile, "Hi Tony. I was just heading out, I wanted to drop by some things for him before I head to work."

He caught her arm, "Hey, I wanted to say officially that I'm sorry about yelling and the looks and getting you kicked out, I.." 

She quickly shook her head to stop him, "It's fine."

Tony pursed his lips in thought before continuing, "I never did anything to Barnes. The Germany thing..it..it wasn’t me. I know it looks like it was me, but I swear it wasn’t me."

The air was thick between them, silence blanketing over and finally Natasha gave him a courteous smile, shouldering her bag, "I should go before I’m late, goodbye Tony." 

He nodded closing the door after she walked out, he moved to the bed to find Steve tucked in with blankets to his chest, sat up and staring out the window with a piece of paper in his hand, his fingers curled tightly around a ratty old black hoodie. 

“Hey so I see you finally got that tube out, I was starting to get jealous that something else got to be inside of you for so long.”

Luckily that earned Tony a small laugh from Steve, still watching whatever he was watching outside and he was glad at least that he wasn’t asked to leave again. A large dark brown teddy bear sat squished at his side of his boyfriend pinned between the bed rail that was pulled up and Steve’s body, two large black eyes and a stitched happy smile, a red ribbon around his neck, the bow set to the side. Tony touched one of it's soft ears, the hulking mass wider than Steve's upper torso.

"New bear?"

Steve turned his head, his fingers tightening over the sweater snapping his eyes from the bear to Tony with a line of worry, "Yeah. From Coney Island. Bucky um, won him for me at a shooting gallery. Natasha thought I would like him here for company when no one was around to visit."

Tony simply nodded, "You mind if I move him and sit with you?"

Steve immediately shook his head opening the side drawer to tuck the hastily written note away, watching closely as if worried the bear may get hurt somehow. Tony gave him a light smile, feeling a small wave of sadness seeing Steve so compromised after such a shock now that he had time to sort his head out. Getting into an accident and as much as Tony hated to admit it, Barnes was a friend that Steve got attached to. He hated seeing Steve unhappy, it killed him to look so devoid with all the scrapes and bruises tattering up his tanned skin. 

He carefully set the bear in the chair beside him and pushed the bed rail down for himself, climbing into the small space left pulling an arm around Steve's shoulders immediately feeling him press in and rest his head against his shoulder.

"I know I'm not his number one fan but I am sorry he was sent away, Sweetheart."

He nodded to him, sighing lightly, “I know Tony."

Tony drew in a soft breath, "So what did Romanoff drop off for you?"

Steve shifted his head against Tony's shoulder, continuing to stare out the window, the black hoodie curling up against his stomach, his fingers lightly grazing the worn fabric, "She made some Shchi with meatballs for me and just some knick knacks she thought I would like. Sam was here earlier when my tube was being taken out, taking in the instructions the doctor and nurse were giving me and helping with some aftercare things. He brought some of my sketch books and some reading over so I don't move around too much. He said he would come by in the evening after work with an overnight bag and probably stay the night just in case I need anything for my ribs or if my lungs are giving me discomfort." 

"That’s great. Also, you're more than welcome to come live in the tower when you get released from here until you feel better."

A small shy tired smile appeared across Steve's face moving his head to rest his chin lightly against Tony’s shoulder, pressing a chaste kiss on his cheek, "I know but I’ll feel better at home in my own bed when I get out of here and Sam already said he was coming to stay with me at my apartment, I'm just comfortable this way."

A hand lightly stroked Steve’s arm, Tony moving his head back to turn and nuzzle Steve’s face, “The invitation’s always open.” He leaned in to place a gentle kiss, getting a small smile out of his boyfriend.

“Thank you Tony.”

“For?”

“Being you and the bill that you really shouldn’t be paying for. I’m still mad about you fighting with Bucky but everything else, thank you.”

“Always Gorgeous, I’d do anything for you. I love you.”

Steve hummed a sigh of complete happiness, turning his head to rest it back on his shoulder, curling into his side, “I love you too.”

Tony held a black report cover in his hand before he finally rested it on his boyfriend’s lap.

“What’s this?” Steve let out, looking at it in mild trepidation.

“I couldn’t sleep as per usual so I wrote up a proposal. I think, if it works for you, we should have a date night, obviously active after you get out of the hospital and we could still do it while in recovery just nothing too strenuous.”

Steve opened it, taking a look before he put it down smiling a little, “Tony you don’t have to write something like I’m a board meeting, you could just ask me. I would have simply said yes to it.”

He pointed at his boyfriend, “I know you would have, I know but my mind is just..it was four in the damn morning and I was trying to think of something solid. Pros and cons, a way for me to never wiggle out of it unless aliens landed on earth and wanted Stark Industries. You know?”

Steve could only smile wider, the worry across Tony’s face causing him to look endearing. He reached over and took his hand, giving it a gentle squeeze before he brought it forward to kiss his knuckles softly, “Have I ever told you how much I love you?”

Tony leaned forward planting a kiss against his forehead ignoring the fact it was just a moment ago they had, “Never. I stand by with bated breath for those perfect three words.”

Chuckling, Steve nuzzled his nose against Tony’s cheek, his arm going around his neck as Tony did the same careful not to hurt him, happy to stay like this for as long Steve would want to.

 

Bucky awoke with his stomach hurting like it was trying to eat itself and his head throbbing in pain. A thick hazy feeling sat over him as he pulled himself up to get out of his rumpled bed, tugging the white bathrobe on that was sitting on the lounge chair in the corner over sweats and a t-shirt. He left the bedroom, slipping his phone into his pocket, his hand absently trying to smooth his hair around while he was surveying the area, remembering it was daytime the last time he was awake but now it was nightfall.

“Brock?”

The penthouse was dead quiet, the sound of a loud thud alerting him towards the second bedroom.

“Bedroom.” Brock suddenly said, followed by the too familiar sound of him snorting up.

A sigh escaped him as he walked over. He opened the the bedroom door, finding him straightening up again, tossing the rolled up bill on the night stand, faint white dust speckled the surface under the glare of the lamp light. 

“I guess I have excellent timing with waking up.”

Rumlow chuckled softly, patting the spot on the bed beside him. He sniffed again and wiped at his nose erratically until he just ran a hand over his mouth. Bucky dropped himself down, arm draped around his shoulders and he felt himself get pulled and pressed against Rumlow’s side, “Good to see you out of bed Kiddo. Now I know I wasn’t supposed to do this here but I couldn’t just leave for a couple hours and I was right wasn’t I? You’re up. I missed ya, you know. We should go out. I just fucking need to go out right now. How about it? Yeah, let’s just go.”

Bucky rolled his eyes, a small smile on his face, “You can’t fucking drive, besides we have drivers for us. I’ll take you out if you want.”

Brock leaned in, pushing his temple hard against Bucky’s, squeezing him tighter, “That’s my boy! Let’s go.”

As soon as Rumlow stood, he felt himself stumble forward, Bucky quickly catching him to set him on his knees on the floor, “Hey you alright?”

A soft hiss escaped the male, a hand pressing into his forehead and fingers snaking into his hair. His face screwed up in slight pain, Bucky sinking beside him. He lightly shook his arm, “Brock? What’s wrong with your head?”

“I unno Buck..feelin’ dizzy..warm..”

Bucky barely caught himself when Brock abruptly pushed him aside to avoid getting thrown up on, watching him convulse and clutch his stomach before he hunched forward to throw up again all over the floor. He caught sight of the faint trickle of blood running from Brock’s nose, immediately fishing for his phone, “Shit Brock. Shit how much did you do? Did you test it?”

Brock darted his eyes around, looking back at Bucky. He tried to shakily rise back up to his feet but the brunette only directed him into the bed firmly. Wiping up his face, he checked his pulse, his other hand feeling out his forehead. Phone in hand he called emergency services, “Brock, listen to me. You’re overdosing."

A hand securely gripped Bucky’s arm, trying to pull him down against him but the brunette wrenched it back, grasping his hand instead. He guided Rumlow to slowly lie back on the mattress watching his eyes widen as he stared at Bucky, breaths panting out of him. 

“Bucky. Buck..”

Rumlow attempted to pull himself up again, face flushing and the glitter of sweat was already touching his hairline and Bucky knew it was starting way too fast. Brock could easily overpower him if he really wanted to get out of the bed only hoping it didn’t come to that. He gave the operator the address, leaning forward in worry, forcefully pushing him back down again. He softly moved his hand into Brock’s hair, petting it lightly, “I got you, I’m here. They’re coming. You’re burning up though. I’ll be right back okay?” 

Bucky kept himself as calm as he could; eyes darting, panic and bile rising up in his throat. Rumlow could only nod to him, hesitantly letting go and Bucky’s eyes abruptly filled with tears, the worry crossing both their eyes, “I promise.” 

He tore down the hallway, his tears streaking his cheeks as he sucked in a soft breath. He held the phone to his ear, explaining the situation while he went back into his room searching for his Diazepam, finally curling his fingers tightly around the bottle at the bottom of his backpack. He looked back towards the room when he heard a heavy thud, pushing himself to move faster and get what he needed.

Moving over to the kitchen island he fished two pills out onto the marble counter top grabbing a full bottle of olive oil nearby. He carefully ground up the pills as quickly as he could without messing it up all over the place, spying a half drunk bottle of water at the end of the counter. He drank down half of that amount before brushing the powder in, capping it to shake it. Gathering a couple waters from the fridge, he opened the freezer retrieving three ice packs forgetting he was still on the line until a dispatcher spoke again.

“Sir?”

“I have some Diazepam and ice packs, I’m going to give him those right now, how long?”

“Sir, we do not advise giving him a benzodiazepine if you’re not a certified medical- ”

Bucky froze in the hallway, “If he fucking dies because his heart stopped and you were all too late I swear to fucking God!” He froze from his shouting closed his eyes, feeling more tears spilling. He raised his head with a shake of his head.

_What if he dies?_

He couldn’t think that right now, lowering his tone, “Please, just get here. My name is James Barnes, tell the EMS to go to the front desk and tell them my name. You guys record this, if he dies because of the pills I’ll take responsibility.”

Bucky ended the call before he could receive another lecture, the cell slipping from his fingers against the polished wood floor. 

He caught Brock at the door, dizzy and unaware as he stumbled past the door frame and Bucky walking firmly into his chest to counterbalance his falling weight, “You need to go back in the room Rums, let’s go.”

The stench of vomit filled his nose realizing he must have thrown up again, strong muscular arms locking around him Bucky forcing himself to shift his feet to hold Brock’s weight.

“Kiddo?” 

“Hey, Brock. Hey, you wanna do me a favor?”

“Wassat?”

He moved the water bottle around to his face, “You’re warm yeah? Drink some water, it’s good for you. Gonna cool you down.”

Rumlow looked at it for a second before he nodded and drank the small amount down, smacking his lips with a furrowed brow, “Tastes like crap. Hey..where are we?”

Bucky grunted at the struggle of trying to push his friend back into the bedroom as he pushed out with his entire body mass pressing against him, arms tightening around his ribs.

“Germany, we’re in Germany. We need to go lay down.”

He tried to move past him with an arm still locked around while one patted Bucky’s head cumbersomely, “I ain’t said nothin’ bout dancin’ in Germany. Heck I wan’ go I d’unno mebbie Nonna’s. She call?”

Bucky blinked at him in confusion, “Your nonna?” 

Bucky pushed off the door frame with his shoulder, managing to shove Brock backwards into the room _with_ Bucky still in tow, the both of them stumbling backwards with Rumlow hitting the end of the bed and crumbling to the floor. Pain jolted through Bucky’s elbow, hitting it hard into the carpet as he came down with him, the hold loosened enough for him to sit up finding Brock not moving. 

“Brock? Brock!” 

He put the ice packs down beside him, checking his pulse again and patting his cheek, “Brock! Can you hear me?”

A second in he began to seize, body convulsing and twitching; immediately Bucky pull him towards him and onto his side, tugging down the thick blanket to pad under his head. 

“Fuck..”

Knowing he couldn’t do anything but time it and let him go through the seizure, he stroked his hair softly tucking one of the ice packs against the side of his neck too cool him down, another against the other side and the last along his temple. “I got you, I’m here.” 

It was barely over a full haunting minute before Brock finally stilled, Bucky hushing the confused groan escaping from him while he wiped the saliva off his face.

“Brock? Can you hear me?”

He only moaned again, eyes opening then closing and Bucky continued to stroke his hair, “It’s okay. You’re fine.”

At first Bucky expected him to get up again because of the cocaine but instead he only shifted to lay a little more forward with an arm draping over Bucky’s thigh blinking sluggishly before closing them again like he was fighting a losing battle with fatigue and soon with the Diazepam. He sat with him and kept adjusting the ice packs and checking his pulse until the ambulance finally arrived with the front desk clerk letting them in. 

 

Brock stared out at the dusky city skyline draped in an armchair with the curtains pulled back from wide glass floor to ceiling windows. The climate control in their suite felt warm on him, shedding his shirt, lazing in dark blue jeans, legs spread open and wide. He nursed a glass of whiskey against his temple, letting his eyes close in thought tilting his head back to absolute silence coming from Bucky’s room, hospital bracelet still sitting around his wrist and most of the day wasted. He glanced over to his phone ringing, setting the glass down at the side table.

“Natasha.”

“Are you okay?”

“Hey to you too beautiful.”

“ _Levka_ , I’m not joking right now.”

He smiled, warm and fond, “I know you ain’t. I’m fine I promise. I took too much, I didn’t test it. Buck knew what to do, saved my dumb ass and got me to the hospital. I might go tonight but if I do I’ll test it and shit before I do it.”

She sighed, not bothering to comment on something he wouldn’t listen to, “James said you had a seizure.”

He nodded, “I did. Just one, little fucker dosed me with his own medication. I don’t know who told him that was a good idea but the nurse said I prolly woulda seized again if he didn’t.”

“How is he today?”

Brock pinched the bridge of his nose, hunching forward lazily letting his forearms rest against his thighs, “Mopin’ which qualifies me not as a personal bodyguard but as a real expensive glorified babysitter.”

“Brock, don’t mock."

He sighed inwardly, “I ain’t mockin’ ya. He’s upset, he’s layin’ around in bed cryin’, doesn’t wanna come out. I fucked up and didn’t test the product so now he’s more upset. I had to force him to go take a shower and he cries in there too, it's fuckin' killing me Nat. He doesn’t wanna eat, but I’m keeping an eye on that before he starts killin’ himself. I think I’m gonna have to force him to go to those meetings or they’re gonna send someone and I won’t let them go near him.”

He groaned softly, rubbing a palm over his worn face before he sat back again, letting his head press against the back of the couch, “I’m almost sure he’s going to have to break out them pills soon too. If he starts getting nightmares or attacks over here, Lord help me. There’s no reason he has to be here.”

“You know that’s the point. That’s _their_ point. He’s heartbroken and scared, just take care of him like I know you can. He’ll settle down and understand he’s coming back soon.”

“Heartbroken about what Natalia? There sure as hell ain’t no love between _those two_. This is extreme though, shippin’ him off here to run the quarterly business meeting and wasting almost a month away?”

Natasha drummed her nails across the counter, not wanting to defend the way they felt for each other knowing Brock would only start preaching about how bad of an idea that was.

“You _know_ him. Out of any one of us, you know James the best, you pretend you don’t. He’s attached to Steve, I know you don’t approve of it but he helps him with his bad dreams and his attacks. I saw him once, right in front of me take care of him like he had been taking care of him for years, Brock. I know you won’t accept Steve because you’re afraid of James getting hurt but they are good for each other- ”

“ _Natalia_.” A sharp warning tone laced in his sudden accented voice.

She sighed, “As friends _Levka_ , I mean as _friends_. Don’t get upset. If you saw the way he took care of _Kotyonok_ after you two had that argument. Everything he did was for him, he’s not out to hurt him like other people.”

Rumlow clenched his jaw, “He’s already hurt him enough. You can blow smoke straight up my ass for as long as you want but that won’t take away the fact that we’re here because of Rogers. He’s taken advantage of my Baby Boy whether you see it or not, you both are pretty chummy huh? Didn’t you see any of that? He fuckin’ sleeps in the same bed as him, oh yeah I found that out too. Appreciatin’ my own family trying to keep that little bit of information away from me.”

“It wasn’t like that Brock..”

“No, it was Natasha because you and Clint knew full well I would have stopped everything if I had known how close he was getting to him and look how it ended up. He doesn’t just have a boyfriend, he has Stark as one. Fuckin’ hot headed motherfucker that he is probably set this all up.”

“Someone told George, I just don’t think it was him. Did you see anyone who would have wanted this to happen to James?”

A scoff escaped him, “The only guy I was looking at was that dipshit Stark threatening Bucky. Everyone else was collateral damage to me, you really don’t think it was him?”

Natasha hummed softly, “Maybe, possibly. I don’t think Tony would go that far to get rid of Bucky but then, I don’t know Tony enough to be completely sure. Either way, remind him it’s only for a month, like a long detention. Try to get him into everything he likes, remind him why he loves you so much.” 

Brock attempted to scowl over the phone but instead he smiled fondly, knowing she was doing it too, “I love this kid, you know that? Maybe I don’t agree with this stupid crush he’s got with Rogers but sending him out here for a lesson, that’s only bullyin' him.”

Natasha listened to his voice soften, staring back out the window, “Is it too late to remind you again that you’re only two years older than him?”

He grinned, “He’s still my kid.”

“All I remember is a cute chubby little boy trying to understand why he was suddenly adopted by a small spirited brown haired boy and never looked back.”

“Hey, he gave me food and I wasn’t _that_ chubby.”

They sat on the call in silence, the sky a dark blue across the sky, night just coming in and Brock would have to check on Bucky again to judge if he should leave him alone for a couple hours or not. An alternative idea in his head for that too not sure if he should do it though.

Brock sighed, dropping his head back, “He just looks like his light is gone, you know? It took a while for him to get back some of it, an’ they single handedly took it away again to prove they still have a hold on him.” 

“I’m counting on you _Levka_ , bring it back to him and then bring him back home.”

“I’ll try, ain’t no one around here gonna stop me from bein’ there for him.”

“Give him a kiss for me, alright?”

“Always, tell Clint I said hi.”

“I will, bye Brock.”

“Night Dolcezza.”

 

Brock couldn’t believe he was doing it, but he was. After getting off the call with Natasha and thinking real long and hard over his feelings versus how miserable Bucky was he had to choose Bucky. As soon as they came back from the hospital and he didn’t have to worry about anything anymore Bucky went back to his room to be by himself and it was heartbreaking. 

Currently he managed to get Bucky sitting in sweats, the hood of a red hoodie that was too big on him pulled over his head staring at the television with unkempt hair and a blank expression on his face that caused him to look comatose. Rumlow slumped down beside him and immediately Bucky shifted into him, resting his head on his shoulder. He made one final decision about his next move and quietly allowed himself, producing his phone and pressing it into Bucky’s hand.

“I sure as hell ain’t exactly clear at all why I’m doin’ this and there’s no damn way I’ll be rooting for him taking your time again when we go back but..” He stared hard at Bucky, pale grey eyes looking at him in confusion, “Call him.”

“Brock? I can’t if they find out- ” 

He immediately shook his head, “They won’t. I got a few tricks up my sleeve too you know. Just call him. I need my boy to smile.”

The phone felt so foreign in Bucky’s hands, staring at Brock, feeling unsure and the male only leaned in, placing a kiss on his forehead. “That’s from Tash. I gotta go, do my thing. Stay here and call him. I’ll be back in a few hours Kiddo.”

Bucky blinked a few times before throwing his arms tightly around Rumlow, his fingers curled around the cell for dear life. “No more hospitals and..I love you Rummy.”

“Yeah yeah no more, always saving me." Brock shrugged nonchalantly, smirking at him, “And you love everyone when you get your way.”

For the first time in days, Bucky smiled at him the way Brock was fond of and it warmed him completely through reaching a hand out to stroke his hair under his hood, “You need a haircut soon. Now give me your phone just in case I need to call you.”

Bucky complied quickly, shoving his phone in Rumlow’s hands before watching him take off.

Chewing at his lip, Bucky immediately dialed long distance, anxiety and a flutter of nervousness filling him as well as a shadow of dread if he didn’t pick up. Looking out the window he realized they had a time difference and he could have been away from his cell or it could have been turned off, panic overcoming him at the second ring torn between hanging up after a couple more rings or letting it go until his voicemail went off and then try again hoping for him to answer.

The phone clicked, a soft tired groan escaping and Bucky was completely overjoyed.

“Hello..?” 

Sleep laden and thick, Steve groaned again lightly and Bucky’s voice was suddenly caught in his throat, shy and unsure, he listened the blankets shift and the bed made a soft cry of protest as Steve sat up, the sound of his hand brushing past stubble. Bucky remembered every little detail, every small perfect sound Steve created and he could only smile.

“Hello? Anyone there? I’m a little groggy and in the hospital, I seriously hope this isn’t some prank from- ”

Bucky could hear the annoyance sinking into his sleep laced voice and he just wanted to calm him down.

“Steve.”

There was no way Bucky missed the loud choked gasp on the other side of the call. 

“Bucky? Buck, oh my god.”

He dropped his head, pressing his free hand to his mouth, a hiccup of tears pushing up and out of him as he tried muffling it.

“Buck, please talk to me. I’ve been waiting for you to call me, I tried to call you and it wasn’t working..did you change phones?” 

Bucky heard such clarity in his voice, urgent and pleading but gentle. He inhaled deeply, trying to subside his sniffling wanting so badly to hold on to Steve, pull him close and press into him. Words could barely form in his mind, emotions choking and crawling at him as a large lump in his throat only caused more tears to fall.

“Bucky.. _please_.”

“I miss you..” He breathed out, impulse taking him over, sniffling harder through his tears.

“Aw Buck..I wish I had been there to stop everything. They had no damn right to do that to you..but it’s only a month hey? Just a month and few days are gone by already..”

Bucky attempted to muffle back another choked cry, fingers pressing hard into his skin. He swore he heard a trace of a whimper come from the phone.

“Shh, Bucky don’t cry. They’re just trying to scare you. I know you, you’ll feel better tomorrow and the day after. You'll wonder what you were getting upset about.” Steve attempted to hush him softly, his own voice coming out strained and wobbly. 

“Take your own damn advice Rogers.” Was all Bucky could spit out, quickly wiping at his eyes with the back of his hand.

He heard Steve laugh softly, the sounds of soft sniffles filling their call, “..I fucking miss you too you Jerk. I’m trying my best not to feel like you not being here is like a hole in the head. It’s just weird, I saw you on Sunday and now you’re in another country..”

Bucky could only nod to his words, pressing the back of his hand against his cheeks trying to rub away his tears even with more spilling down his face.

“What time is it over there?”

He sniffled softly, “A little after midnight.” He paused not sure if he should say the next thing or if it was relevant.

“Buck?”

“Brock overdosed last night.”

“What?! Is he okay?”

“Yeah, he’s okay. He left to go,” He laughed like it was a joke played on him, “To go get high out of anything. He puked, he was high as a kite, he was delirious and talking nonsense, he had a seizure but he’s gone to go snort that shit up his nose again.”

Steve was quiet for a moment, “Bucky, are _you_ okay?”

“Yeah, I think so?”

“Bucky you’re in a country you don’t want to be in and one of your best friend’s overdosed and he went out to do drugs, are you _okay_?” 

“I don’t know. I feel unsettled here. A lot of anxiety..”

“Are you sleeping?”

Bucky sighed, pulling his knees up to hug them to his chest with his arm, staring out the window resting his head against the back of the couch, “I didn’t feel like sleeping, not used to being here Steve..”

“Are you scared?”

Fresh tears ran down his face, “Completely.”

He listened to the soft sigh slip out of Steve, shifting in his hospital bed and Bucky could only think of how peaceful he looked sleeping there that day he went to go see him, every perfect detail still at the front of his mind.

“To be honest, I’m scared of everything turning back into how it was without you around.”

A soft yawn slipped out, Bucky pressing his hand over his mouth before letting it press against his knee again, “You don’t want it to?”

Steve stared out the window, night beginning to roll in a distant expression of tenderness across his face, “I hope it never does. You make things different, I like the way we have it now, except you sound like you need sleep.”

Bucky smiled softly pulling the blanket off the back of the couch and pulling it over his body. It was all so sudden, the fatigue and heaviness, like he had given into it finally.

“Steve..”

Steve could only smile, his name falling off Bucky’s tongue like it was all holy. Like _he_ was all that was holy. He wanted him to stay on for hours, days even but he knew Bucky’s sleep deprived tone of voice and knowing Bucky, he needed his rest.

“Get some rest Buck, you need to. We can talk again whenever you like, I promise.”

Bucky closed his eyes, curling into a ball on his side, “I’m so sleepy all of a sudden..”

“You sound like you need it, you big Jerk.”

A small noise of disapproval slipped from him, snuggling further into the blanket, “G’night Punk.”

Drawing in a long breath, he hesitated. Steve’s heart was beating out of his chest, a hand reaching up to press firmly against his sternum, “Goodnight Bucky.”

He held his breath as he listened intently alone in his hospital room, the soft shift and then the click, then nothing.

Still, Steve waited, his ear pressed to the cell.

“Buck?”

Nothing. He was gone.

He slowly exhaled, the pounding of his racing heart seeped into his fingertips, he could hear his pulse in his ears the black ink sky bleeding into the light of the day.

Steve paused a beat, eyes blinking once, twice and he inhaled, swallowing down the lump sitting there waiting for him, scaring him as he finally gathered himself and his fingers gripped tighter to the phone that said nothing back in return.

“..I..think..I” 

He sucked in a breath of air, tears clinging to the corners of his eyes as he dragged his fingers along his upper thigh, his dull nails scratching along skin to remind him he wasn’t asleep, that everything was real and his emotions and feelings were all real. His brows fell, his hand moving up to press against his forehead, sweeping over the bangs of his hair breathing out a choked strangled sigh against the mouthpiece, “Bucky, you need to come back..”

Warm salty tears escaped his eyes, delicate drops splashing along his hospital gown as they rolled off his chin causing dark spots along the white cotton tilting his head up pain etched across his features at the realization.

“Buck..I don’t know if I can do this without you..”

_I can’t live my life without you._

“I think I’m in _love_ with you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things just got complicated. XD  
> Okay so the next chapter should be released soon (latest is 2 weeks? Some parts aren't complete and it will be covering all of the time gone which means I will probably be splitting that chapter in half because its currently at 45k unfinished. Anyway thanks again for hanging on, I loving reading what you liked, who you wanna kick in the face etc etc lol, I love you all <3)
> 
> Brock's singing Us Against the World by Coldplay.


	18. Breasts are awesome

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky keeps wondering if he's dreaming and when is it going to get better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Chapter 18 pic/gif](http://kalika999.tumblr.com/post/148832644125/hunger-of-the-pine-chapter-18-bucky-keeps)
> 
> These two chapters are going to be transitional with a little of a time jump as anyone following knows I usually cover half a week per chapter or sometimes a week, I'll be covering the whole trip to Germany (approx. 23-24 days) these two chapters. I've already written four days of Bucky without Steve and we all know that hurts so I wont draw it out. lol <3  
> For this to not be a 100k word catastrophe a lot of it are vignettes and highlights of some of Bucky’s highs and a lot of his lows (with a bit of Steve and others). Some bits are shorter than others, the smut turns into pwp (lol) and over 69k (( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)) is balls to edit when you barely sleep. XD 
> 
> Warnings:  
> \- Unhealthy coping mechanisms.  
> \- Brock tosses around a derogatory slur, and it's just once and it's about Jack so you know he does that kinda crap.  
> \- The actual gravity of Brock’s dedication/his frame of mind with protecting his Little Potato.  
> \- Attempted non-con bullshittery (If you want to skip it, stop after the line “I need a smoke.” and continue at  
> 'Brock ducked out in the morning'.)  
> \- Violence.  
> \- Non-indepth vomiting/drinking/drugs  
> \- Phone sex and escorts, I don't know if there's people that get offended at those things but there are those things. XD

**Early/Mid November, 2015**  
  
  


Steve slumped down into the chair beside his hospital bed with a bottle of water in hand, drinking it down burying himself in a grey sweatshirt with the hood right over his head, tufts of his blond hair sticking out. He was already sweating through it, his midsection flaring and in pain, his whole entire body sore wishing he had taken his medication sooner instead of forgetting it by being distracted. 

_I love you_ kept turning over and over in his mind distracting him the whole morning. He had to distract Sam from thinking something was worse than normal by mentioning his ribs were hurting a lot. Technically it was true but it wasn’t as bad as he made it sound, his best friend checking his temperature and fussing extra hard over him. Steve let him do as he pleased, he just couldn’t even absorb anything his friend was saying to him but it was a good way to throw him off over what he was really thinking about. He kept staring away and thinking about those three words, precious and fragile and meant too much but could mean so little. 

Besides his ribs, he could at least deflect his friend by saying he was just sore and tired, the pain of his stitches or wrist being too much to sleep or nap through. He was lost thinking about everything like Tony’s actions and the accident and who got Bucky in trouble if it wasn’t Tony which he truly believed it wasn’t. It was much too obvious, but who else could have? That was the burning question on everyone’s mind.

Bucky was gone and he sounded so small; every gasp, every sniffle, the way he spoke so entirely defeated and unhappy. It broke Steve’s heart.

The same heart that beat faster thinking about him and he didn’t understand himself or his feelings. He got it, he understood so clearly that he could easily admit that he did love Bucky. 

He loved him. 

That, he knew and wouldn’t hesitate on. Just on what level, he didn’t know. He knew it wasn’t like how he loved Tony, was it romantic? It bothered him that it wasn’t like Sam or the love he had for his other friends. This was _different_ and he couldn’t exactly get a clear idea of what it was. He was only getting a splitting headache from worrying over it, an agonizing ache spawning inside of him. 

Sam sat down beside him already shaking his head, “You knew walking around your room was a bad idea, _I_ knew this was a bad idea. I don’t know why I let you get out of bed, even walking is making you tired. Your lungs aren’t made for this right now. Steve you need bed rest.”

His hand rested on his friend’s shoulder, making sure Steve looked at him and he did, nodding back with a frown.

“I just, I was getting antsy. I needed to get up and the nurses told me I need to take deep breaths.”

Steve shook his head with a sigh, he couldn’t admit how he felt. After the call and his admission he sat pouring over it until Sam showed up after work. Somehow he managed to distract himself with his best friend til they needed to sleep and then he was lost again in the dark fading into dawn without barely much sleep His fingers sat pressed at his lips most of the night like he was surprised but he couldn’t take the words back, he wouldn’t let himself. He had lucked out when Bucky called, Sam hadn’t arrived yet detouring to get food and asking Steve if he wanted anything special; he couldn’t have dealt with a heart to heart right then. 

Everything felt so heavy sitting on his shoulders the way it was, guilt creeping in like a monster in the darkness, claws sinking themselves deep into his back and penetrating directly into his soul. That was the moment he started to cry, wondering what the hell he did to stupidly fall in love with his best friend and was it even possible? There was no way he could love two people at once, it wasn’t allowed and it didn’t make any sense. He had sat in his bed as the sun rose slowly into the wee hours lost in the idea of loving two people, there was no backing out, he truly _knew_ he was in love with Bucky, the high emotions he felt damned him from the start. It scared him into admitting the true nature of it but Tony, he would always be with him. He _believed_ that it was Tony. He was set and with all his heart he _believed_ that it was always going to be Tony. Anger weaved around his head too, frustrated at how unfair this was to everyone, the pain burrowing itself and rooting inside, how could he have let this happen?

Sam’s squeeze on his shoulder brought him back to the present, “They didn’t mean exhausting your energy around a hospital bed. Steve, are you alright? You’re sweating and pale, should I help you back into bed, no actually let’s just get you back into bed anyway. I shouldn’t have let you do this to yourself, I’m sorry and wearing a hooded sweater like you’re freezing, dammit Steve.”

Steve had to grab his arm to stop him, looking over at his friend’s concerned expression, “No, I’m sorry Sam. I needed a distraction, I just..”

He shook his head, tugging the hood off his head, the back of his hand swiping across his forehead and down his jaw, “Bucky called last night, after you called about picking up something to eat and all that. You came over and I just tried to I don’t know ignore how he sounded since I couldn’t do much. I couldn’t sleep after that.”

Sam pursed his lips and frowned, “You should have told me, tried to work something out to help you out of your funk and..I thought you couldn’t get through to him.”

He raked his fingers through his dampened hair, nodding to him, “He called me from a different phone and Sam, he just..”

Sam pulled his chair closer, his hand lightly stroking Steve’s arm comfortingly and for a moment all Steve could do was shake his head, fingers tightening around his water bottle.

“He sounded so unhappy and upset. How could someone do that, how could anyone think that sending him away is going to teach him a lesson. He didn’t do _anything_ wrong. We never did anything wrong so why does it feel like we did?”

His frown only deepened, Sam’s arm snaking around Steve’s shoulders, “I don’t know, I can’t tell ya. They seem to just want to control and scare him and he just takes it. I mean I get it. I think psychologically he keeps trying to make them happy. I mean you saw the way he acted over his mom, he was shrugging it off like it was nothing. He knew it was bad and he got out of the situation but he goes back over and over again, that's just years and years of conditioning and damage.”

Steve threw the bottle down in frustration, the both of them watching it bounce off the smooth off colored floor and roll a few inches away, “That’s bullshit. He has a great support system, he shouldn’t feel like he owes them anything. He owes them nothing!”

His ribs flared up again and he tried his best to ignore them, a bead of sweat rolling down the side of his head.

Sam sighed, patting his friend’s back gingerly, “Steve, it doesn’t matter if he does. It’s all in his head and if his focus is to please his parents, there’s nothing anyone trying to keep his head above water can really do. All we can do is make sure he’s loved and hope he can work it out, understand it all. Right now he just puts himself in denial, he runs away from things, we can steer him but we can’t change his habits unless he’s willing to.”

Steve smiled lightly at him, reaching over to squeeze his friend’s other hand at the mention of ‘ _we_ ’, “Careful Sam, you’re starting to invest yourself into this.”

He sighed, shaking his head with a sigh, “I know. Seems like that’s always the way with you and I. We’re a team and well, I’ve kind of gotten used to Bucky being around. Maybe he’s not so open with me yet but he’s trying and I like him.”

He smiled at Steve, sitting up taller, “So, tell me. Better or worse before the call?”

Steve gave him a smile back but he wasn’t entirely sold on it, giving his friend a soft shrug, “I’m happy he’s okay, I mean on a whole but the state he’s in. I’m worried about him. Look maybe we haven’t been friends for that long but I _know_ this is distressing for him, _you_ know as a man that’s going into the profession that this is completely unhealthy for Bucky. We know he’s going to drink, smoke and maybe sleep around too while he’s at it. Those are his coping mechanisms and that’s him, that’s what he does but as much as he trusts Brock, he’s living with a coke addict. Brock’s already overdosed.”

Sam furrowed his brows in concern, “Is he alright?”

He rolled his eyes at his friend making an exasperated noise, “He recovered then left Bucky alone to go get high again! What the hell is that?”

Sam didn’t look too surprised though, giving him a knowing nod, “That’s an addict Steve, he’s going to go get high again if he didn’t get scared to get off it.”

Steve only raised his hand between them, waving the subject away. He didn’t want to talk about it, it made him frustrated at the very idea of how irrational that was.

“He’s forced to do things he doesn’t want to do. There’s so much in that situation that could go from bad to worse, you know? I can’t help but feel stressed out about that.”

“I get that Steve, I do but you have no power on the matter and stress is only going to make your own recovery slow down. You just have to trust him and you have to trust Brock. You did once before.”

Steve raised his head, looking at Sam in confusion before he realized what he meant, a frown crossing his features, “That was different.”

“Was it really?”

“Yeah, we were on the football team together and that was it.”

Sam nodded at him, “And now you got a common goal here too, to make sure Bucky’s okay. He’s going to do that, you know that.”

 

The hotel overall was made to look expensive, made to look impressive and _consequential_. It's polished and luxurious with warm rich colors that tie it in as fashionably comfortable, a home away from home for people with fat wallets or for tourists and business people that want to splurge or are on someone else’s dime. All the best was put in without it looking cold and sterile, barely any white or stiff new age furniture, just a look of high end opulence Brock was so used to seeing on and off in his life and ended up kind of hating it. Bucky's parents were good at pretending, the hotels were a monument to how true it was.

Brock managed to get Bucky out of bed and tucked into his suit with a good fifteen minutes before they had to leave. Bucky choked down a slice of toast and a cup of coffee, looking completely unhappy but ready to go. Brock put the suit on he had been wearing flying in, a back up Italian suit sitting in the closet the back of his mind reminding him he may need a third just in case while he was here since he was pretty sure bodyguards couldn’t get away with jeans and t-shirts. He checked himself in the mirror before turning to Bucky, dusting his shoulders and fixing his crooked tie.

“C’mon Kid, a little effort.”

Bucky looked down, a soft frown across his features, fingers anxiously playing with the ends of his coat, “I’m upright.”

Brock smiled, “Yeah, I know. Just gotta sit through this and then you can come back here again alright?”

He swallowed, nodding to him, the both of them heading out.

Mr. Susilovic stood in the hall waiting for them busily talking to a maid with a cart beside her, his face contorted in disgust, pointing something out but when she moved to wipe it down he raised a hand to stop her and gestured her to leave with a roll of his eyes. 

A tight smile came up when he saw them, putting a hand out for Bucky, “Good to see you made it Mr. Barnes. We’ll start the meeting in a few minutes. It should be a routine report meeting and for me to introduce you to the other shareholders and executives. Nothing too strenuous. I will get my secretary Claire to take you on a tour around the hotel and then you can conclude with lunch at the in house restaurant if you choose. You have a small magazine interview scheduled in relation to your past model work and also, there are a couple designers that have already heard of your arrival that you used to shoot with, they’re interested in working with you again if you so choose..”

Bucky realized he was waiting for an answer on whether he should answer them with a yes or no, shaking the man’s hand while Brock was studying him with a neutral expression wanting to let him decide and he drew in a breath, nodding helplessly. His mother would have a field day if she heard and he had said no, “Sure, tell them whenever they want.”

Mr. Susilovic nodded, “Very good then. After the interview the rest of your day is clear. Any questions?”

Bucky swallowed before he just shook his head, flashing him an equally tight smile with no idea what to really say or why he was honestly there since he had no idea at all with what a hotelier position required. “Well since that’s covered,” He stepped back, sweeping a hand out towards the open double doors, his secretary already inside arranging the coffee, “You can just enter the board room and make yourself comfortable then.”

Mr. Susilovic looked over at Brock, nose turned slightly giving him a look of some mild form of contempt like he did to the cleaner, "You can stand there and wait til we are finished."

He moved to go in but Bucky raised a hand to stop him, "You work for my father do you not?"

"Yes.."

"You were present when I was told I was coming here?"

"I don't see what- "

"Yes or no Mr. Susilovic."

"Yes Mr. Barnes, I was."

"Then I'm sure you heard my father say that Brock Rumlow is my bodyguard. He is in charge of my safety and if he's outside, he's not protecting me."

"With all due respect sir, I do not see you getting hurt in a board meeting while we are sharing possibly sensitive information."

"Be it as it may, he comes with me everywhere, that was the rule. At all times like my father had instructed him to, that extends to the board meetings. It would be unfortunate if something were to happen to me and he wasn't there, what would you tell my father then?"

Bucky held his head high, keeping his face stoic and hard. Inside he felt like he was shaking hoping the man wasn't going to call out his bluff. He was sure his father would have told him to act like an adult and leave Brock outside, but if there was a way he could, no one was going to treat Brock like he was worth less than anyone else. As far as Bucky was concerned, he was worth so much more than any of these people.

Mr. Susilovic's shoulders went down slightly, a partial shake of his head following after it as he waved his hand like he couldn't care less, "As you wish Mr. Barnes."

Brock observed quietly during the meeting keeping tabs on Bucky’s body language, who was alert and nodding to things from time to time. He did seem to be taking in the information and occasionally commenting when he was asked an opinion on something. Bucky seemed more alive than he was the first couple days they were there, he looked _happy_ here. Brock knew better though, one lone call wasn’t going to be enough even though Bucky was aware it was just one call to talk to Steve and soothe his uneasiness. 

His mood was already degrading again when he was away from prying eyes and that one call was never going to be enough for Bucky when he was this far away from the idiot. So much had happened under his nose, he should’ve seen it happening, all of it. He was attached to Rogers whether Brock liked it or not; Bucky spoke to his other friends but he could tell it wasn’t the same. Bucky appreciated it, he could see that but even though he hated to admit it, Bucky was in a better state after talking to Rogers. 

He had found him sleeping peacefully when he came back, phone curled in his hand while passed out on the couch like nothing had been wrong. He hadn’t exhausted himself crying until he was asleep or doped up from his medication, he was just simply sleeping. As much as he didn’t want to admit it, that was Rogers’ doing and Bucky depended on it.

Once the meeting concluded still early in the day, they came back and Bucky was drunk before three hit; it was like babysitting a brokenhearted teenager on uppers _and_ downers. Most of it was pathetic unhappy singing and laying around on anything with a bottle in hand. Brock tried his best to keep him from consuming more but having a well stocked liquor cabinet was the bane of his existence. 

When Bucky found something on television to preoccupy his drunken brain, Brock snuck away for a quick shower and found out never to leave Bucky drunk and alone. At first he couldn’t find him and when he did, Bucky was soaking in his boxers in the hot tub on the top deck with more than over half of a linzor torte eaten in hand. As he predicted quickly enough, Bucky’s stomach didn’t appreciate that and he threw it all back up barely five minutes after outside the hot tub. 

On the upside it came with alcohol so he was coming down fast enough to direct him back downstairs and stick him in the shower while calling housekeeping and contemplated banning him from ordering desserts while intoxicated but he figured that would be too much of a hassle to deal with anyway. He promptly put Bucky to bed and kept a tighter watch on him after that.

 

It was the next day near the late afternoon when Brock was contacted by Mr. Susilovic for Bucky’s scheduling on the upcoming week. He got him to take a break from drinking and Bucky decided to stay in bed for the whole day. From what Brock saw on his breakfast tray after giving him a couple hours Bucky only touched his tea and a slice of toast, burrowed under a nest of blankets and refusing to talk. Lunch was the same affair, room service bringing in two orders of a pork and spaetzle dish Brock asked for knowing Bucky liked egg noodles. He came in a couple hours later to find him in the same position he was in earlier and only knew he moved when he saw most of the food was mostly just pushed about and the noodles were mixed into the gravy like it was something to do instead of eating it.

He did put his foot down about personal hygiene though and while he was fine with moping, he went into his friend’s way too large bathroom to fill the tub in a silent order. Like his it had both a bath and a shower stall, gold framed mirrors above ample marble counter space and a deep porcelain sink with warm yellow lighting and cream cappuccino polished marble across the floors. A bath would be good and it would force Bucky to at least move a few steps, it was a minor bonus that Bucky preferred them over a shower any day. He uncovered him and with one look got him to trudge slouched and slothful into the bathroom leaving him to it.

Rumlow decided he would make dinner instead of ordering, maybe Bucky would eat that instead. He rarely had time to but he had an innate ability to cook Italian very well. His nonna was proud of him over it so he made the effort to keep his skills up to date whenever he had the chance. It was also a plus that his second biggest fan was in the other room from him and Bucky was never shy to express just how much he loved Brock’s cooking.

Bucky was already soaking in the jacuzzi bathtub for over an hour high as a kite and singing offkey to the Smiths or some other British eighties rock band playing off his phone, fingers pruned and wet hair matted against his head sniffling while staring up at the soft warm lights. Brock didn’t even know how he managed to get a hold of pot but he didn’t bother asking and only assumed it was when he ordered the torte. It was only enough for the state he was in right then so Brock supposed it wasn’t an issue. He pushed the door open and walked in, watching Bucky take another drag off another joint pulling a fluffy thick cream colored towel off the rail. He didn’t really care too much if Bucky was ready to get out or not, but he was pretty sure he didn’t even know where he was half the time and Brock knew he better get him out without any argument before he ended up drowning himself. 

It wasn’t too much trouble to coax him out, but with the state he was in, his limbs were comparable to a newborn giraffe, pressing Bucky to sit down on the bed with his clothing on his lap. Tired glassy eyes looked at him curiously and Brock could only sigh with a small smile, brushing his damp hair away from his face, “Dry off Kiddo, change into those warm clothes and get comfortable okay? I’ll be back.”

Blinking a few times, Bucky eventually nodded and proceeded to fuss with the towel around his waist and Brock left to get him some dinner. 

Brock plated some of the ravioli he made, sprinkling some parm along the top before he carried it to the bedroom finding Bucky changed and staring off out the window while laid against the cream chaise lounge next to the French doors. He sat himself down on the end of the bed, patting the surface, “Bucky come over here.”

He glanced over, eventually pulling himself up to walk over and sit himself against the headboard, eyes stuck on the plate of food, “I don’t want to eat.”

“Buck, c’mon you need to.”

Bucky only shook his head, poking at the blanket. He could barely let it sink in that he was actually in another country, away from everyone, away from _Steve_. Any second now he felt like maybe he would wake up from a bad dream and everything was normal again. 

Any second now.. 

“I wanna go home, I don’t want to be here..”

Brock felt the heat rising up past his collar, “What’re you gonna do huh? Starve yourself to death? Is that what you want? I know that’s not what you want Kid, I know..”

Snapping his head up all of a sudden, Bucky glared back at Brock’s stern look, “ _You_ know?”

He leaned towards Brock grabbing the plate with a quick jerk out of his hands, throwing it across the room, Brock turning his head to watch it shatter against the wall, sauce dripping off the curtains.

“If you know me so well then you’d know I wouldn’t want to eat! I’m hurting! I’m angry! Why cant you just leave me alone?! Why couldn’t _they_ just leave me alone?!” 

Rumlow sat firm, watching him throw his tantrum, tears welling in Bucky’s eyes, fists hitting the mattress in frustration, his body trembling as he choked out a sob, dropping his head down to futilely hide from Brock’s eyes, tears rolling off his cheeks and darkening his navy blue t-shirt.

He brought his balled fists up to his face, knuckles pressing to cheeks as tears continued to fall with helpless huffs of air, “Why couldn’t they just be happy for me with whatever I do?!”

Bucky punched his thigh in frustration and Brock inched in to reach out his hand to catch Bucky’s fist gently pushing it away to stop him from doing it again watching in helpless silence as Bucky cried harder. 

A pained shrill sound rose from the back of Bucky’s throat followed by a shuddered sigh, glassy eyes peeking up just barely through his mess of fallen hair, “..Why don’t they love me..? What did I do so wrong..?"

Brock’s brows quickly pushed together to the pitiful sound of Bucky’s voice, his stoic features shifting to sympathy and ache immediately pulling at him to gather Bucky into his arms. Hands slapped at his own, trying to get back and away, Bucky still trying to stop his tears with his head ducked away in embarrassment. Brock ignored his weak attempts to send him off, grabbing at his waist and pulling him into his lap, a palm pressing against the back of his head to hold him against his chest. 

“Shh, Baby..”

Bucky only cried louder into his shirt, sobs wracking his body as Brock tried to rub his back after a short struggle to keep him there. 

Brock kept Bucky against him, feeling him eventually fall asleep in the safety of his arms, lost and unhappy. Rumlow only wished he didn’t know this feeling all too well, his chin lightly grazing the top of brown hair as he pulled a blanket over them. He carefully shifted them just enough so he could lean his back against the soft headboard listening to faint barely there snoring against his chest and he remembered that little kid that collided with him out in the school yard.

  


_Who the heck is this?!_

Brock brushed himself off, turning on his heel ready to strike the smaller male. He towered over him, getting up in his face, the kid was a couple years younger, his heavy hand clenched into a fist.

“Oh no! I’m so sorry. I was trying to go get my friend! I wasn’t looking. Hey did you have a lunch, did I knock it down? I don’t see it.”

Brock was immediately disarmed, confusingly looking at the brown haired boy in front of him who was not in fear of being hit in the face, he was more looking for the lunch Brock apparently dropped from the collision. 

“I, um, I don’t have one.”

“That’s stupid, here have mine!” 

A thick homemade submarine sandwich was shoved into his hands, the boy only holding on until Brock willed his mind to hold plastic wrapped sandwich, staring at the goofy smile looking back at him. A mop of dark brown stringy hair falling over his grey blue eyes.

Brock was too stupefied to say anything, feeling the heft of the sandwich around his hands. His stomach churned at the thought of eating it, he didn’t care what it was but he suddenly realized he was really very hungry.

“I’m Bucky, my name is supposed to be James but I like Bucky better I fixed it from my middle name. I hope you’re not mad at me.” He smiled wider, though there was a quiet shyness appearing on his apple cheeked face.

Brock finally blinked back to his senses, one hand moving off the food to grasp the hand that was out in the air between them.

“I’m Brock..Rumlow.” He drew out warily, still watching him.

“Who..who the heck eat’s subs, it’s the damn size of you..!” He finally blurted out and to his dismay his hands shoved the wrapped sandwich back towards the boy named Bucky. “I can’t take food from you unless you really pissed me off, Kid.”

Bucky squinted his eyes at him as if remembering something. He shoved the sandwich back, “It’s fine. I ran into you, I want to say sorry with it. It’s meatball, you’ll probably like it. You’re pretty giant, you need food, don’t got none that I can see unless you store it away somewheres. ‘Sides I just eat the meatballs and cheese and feed the birds the bread. I guess the birds might be sad now but that’s okay, you seem nice.”

Nice? Brock wondered if this kid had seen him beat up little Georgie Collins yesterday for stepping on his ratty old Doc’s because he was too busy staring at his crush from across the way and told Brock to watch where he was goin’.

“Awe I ain’t so nice.”

Bucky seemed to grin wider, his eyes not moving off him but his hands carefully unwrapping the end of the sandwich while Brock was holding it, “If you mean Georgie, he been peekin’ in the girls bathroom at recess, he deserved it. He’s a stupid jerk. Sometimes he picks on my friend and I have to beat him up too. Maybe he likes being beat up, I dunno. Have some sandwich.”

Now that it had been partially unwrapped, Brock could clearly smell the tantalizing scent of fresh baked bread mixed with meat and spices and the tangy scent of sauce and cheese. He stomach practically folded into itself in deep starvation. He ate a candy bar in the morning and this sandwich smelled like a gift from God himself.

“I ain’t never had something smell this good before.” Brock muttered, his mouth watering and Bucky took that as a good sign. He gingerly pulled Brock over to some picnic tables, moving to reach his hands up and press them down on broad wide shoulders, guiding him to sit.

“You eat, I’ll be back okay? I have to go get my friend.”

He could only nod dumbly, watching Bucky turn and run off across the school yard like he was late for something. One of the the supervisors waved towards his direction to stop running and Bucky flashed them a grin breaking into a speed walk of sorts, shoving his hands into his trouser pockets looking as innocent as he could after being caught. 

Brock waited long enough, biting into the sandwich at the urgency of his stomach eating itself and he could have died. The inside of his mouth tingled with an explosion of flavor that was almost hard to handle after not eating for so long and he thought it was just as good as when Nonna made him spaghetti.

Somehow by the end of the day Bucky managed to coax him to come to his house to play and Brock really didn’t know how he did it.

“Mum! Ma! Look who I brought with me!”

Brock was in a daze from the car ride, turning back to see the driver gone from the side and back in the car driver’s seat. A man in a suit stood at the open front door waiting for them, Brock’s eyes distracted at just how big the house was while they were all climbing out and Bucky was already barreling inside yelling at the top of his lungs. Clint kicked some stones, uncomfortably looking at Brock before gesturing with a tilt of his head towards the front entryway before walking that way himself.

He’d seen the blond kid before, Grant liked pickin’ on him and it was probably why he wasn’t wearing those purple hearing aids he always had on when he did see him. He didn’t say much in the car, making hand signs and stuff to Bucky while he kept staring at Brock all weird. Brock didn’t like it much but Bucky only smiled and was patting Clint and Brock just decided to keep to himself.

He walked towards the door a few seconds later both of them standing inside watching Bucky run around like he was looking for something in another room before a woman came out from a room upstairs, fastening on a bracelet and some earrings. 

“James you need to stop screaming every time you come home.”

Bucky beamed, practically vibrating out of his skin waiting for her to reach the bottom of the stairs, rocking on his heels. She almost walked past him when she spied the dirt on his pants and shoes. 

Brock watched her abruptly snatch his face, an uneasy feeling sinking hard into him looking at Clint to see his reaction though the blond had suddenly found the tapestries on the walls very interesting, his hand tugging against his earlobe like a weird tic. 

“You were just bought those shoes and pants! For God's sake James. Charles, take his _friends_ to the backyard and you young man, go to your room and change. Now.”

Brock felt a soft nudge in the direction of the backyard, Clint automatically moving there out of habit, his head bowed down nervously still tugging on his ear. Brock followed, glancing back over his shoulder just to see that same hand give Bucky a firm push towards the stairs that almost threw him off balance. His eyes blinked at the process of almost falling, the smile on his face lost for a second as he grabbed the railing before it reappeared automatically again his mother already walking off muttering to herself and shaking her head. It wasn’t until Rumlow stood outside that he realized his jaw was clenched so hard his teeth were hurting.

He turned his sudden ire towards Clint who was shuffling his feet in the grass, “You dummy, that don’t bother you?”

Brock only felt angrier when he didn’t even look up, but Rumlow quickly remembered about his hearing aids, stalking over to firmly hit Clint’s shoulder, who looked up in startled surprise. His features changed when he saw the irritation on Brock’s face, suddenly looking depressed and sad knowing exactly why he was looking like he was about to punch someone. 

Clint gave out a burst of frantic sign language which Brock only raised confused brows at and Clint finally gave up huffing out a sigh. He stared at Rumlow for a second then pointed towards the house slowly then brought his thumb and index finger to the end of his lips making a zipping motion over them.

Brock only frowned, “Like hell- ” Clint stuck his hand out in front of him to gesture speaking slowly so he could read his lips much to the brunette’s dismay.

“He. Shouldn’t. Be. Pushed. And. Grabbed. Like. That.” Purposefully punctuating every word for Clint with an annoyed tone.

Clint’s depressed expression only grew sadder, shrugging his shoulders helplessly and Brock could only grind down on his teeth.

Bucky came outside again with a smile like nothing happened, changed into a clean pair of clothes coming towards the trampoline that was set up.

Brock ignored Clint’s warning to shut up, “Is that always how your ma always is?”

Slipping off his shoes, Bucky glanced up in confusion, “Like what?” 

Clint was already bouncing on the trampoline, Bucky pulling away the net door to climb in and sit to the side waiting for Brock.

Brock kicked off his shoes, both boys watching one shoe go under and the other flop and roll away into the grass, “Pushin’ you around like that.”

Bucky avoided Brock’s gaze, watching Clint do random poses in mid air before bouncing up again with his feet, “Awe she just doesn’t know how light I am, she don’t mean it. She’s not mean, Clint thought she was too, it’s okay.”

Brock’s light brown eyes looked towards Bucky then to Clint, finally getting what he meant when he mimicked to zip it. That didn’t sit well to him, still seeing light red marks on Bucky’s jawline but he kept quiet, his hand gently pushing Bucky towards the center after catching him teetering off balance, “Are ya gonna jump or just sit there like a bump on a log?”

A grin spread across Bucky’s face, Brock not able to hold back one out of reflex and didn’t protest when Bucky grasped his arm to tug him towards where Clint was bouncing around.

Brock had no idea how long they were in there for, the same man at the door coming to the trampoline to get them out.

"Master Barnes, Master Barton, Master..er um- "

Brock steadied himself against the mesh wall, "Rumlow is what my last name is."

Bucky gently tugged on Brock’s shirt, “Charles! I forgot, this is my new friend Brock. Brock this is my friend Charles, dad said to call him a butler but I just call him Charles because that’s his name so why not?"

Charles nodded to Brock, "Master Rumlow. Imogen said to come inside and eat something."

"Your name sounds nice with master on it, it's weird to me with my name." Bucky beamed, steadying Clint and turning him around to point out Charles wanting them to get out.

"Sounds stupid, I ain’t got no butler either though." Brock huffed, climbing out first.

Clint followed after him, tripping out of the opening, landing face first in the grass. A small hiss escaped Brock, immediately grabbing Clint by the back of the collar yanking him to his feet like a cat.

"Ya dumb idiot."

Clint had no idea what he said, only smiling gratefully brushing at the grass stains. All knobby knees and skinned elbows, blond hair with dark roots falling over his eyes. Brock just noticed the one lone bandaid across his forearm from whatever. He shook his head realizing the kid was a walking disaster.

Brock followed with hunched shoulders to another side of the mansion, Bucky looking back at him occasionally with a smile, Clint moving ahead of the both of them just over the promise of food, a hand pressed to his small flat stomach.

Bucky pulled his arm out to take Brock’s tugging him along, “C’mon you’ll love Imgy she’s really nice and makes such good food I promise a thousand times!”

He let him be pulled along, Clint running up to a woman standing by the side of a dining table setting down a plate of sandwiches, throwing his arms around her to hug her waist. She knelt down for him and her smile suddenly faded, signing to him and touching her ear. Clint signed back explaining and she shook her head with a smile, giving him another hug and giving him a small kiss on his head. 

Brock glanced away, looking around in awe being directed along as Bucky pulled him across the way and the woman with a soft smile and equally soft long brown hair watched him and he suddenly frowned again feeling suspicious.

“James, who’s your new friend?”

Bucky stopped in front of her, his eyes as wide as his proud smile, hands moving Brock beside him before he also gave her an equally a tight hug, “This is Brock! He’s my new friend, I bumped into him and I think he was gonna push me back but he’s nice and I like him and oh Brock! This is Imgy..I mean Imogen she’s my nanny and cooks everything and- ”

Imogen laughed, cupping Bucky’s cheek gently as he peered up at her with sea blue eyes, “James honey take a breath before you cause yourself to faint.” 

He drew in a deep breath, puffing his chest out and smiled at her again as he exhaled. He poked his finger at Brock, “Brock you gotta say hi.”

Brock watched her carefully, comparing her to what happened earlier and he smiled cautiously, “Hi.”

Bucky’s bony elbow jabbed him in the side, “Imgy he ate your sandwich, he loved it!”

A blush suddenly ran over Rumlow’s face, looking away shyly and Imogen knelt down with her hand out for him, “Brock would you like another one? I can make you one if you like. If not I made some smoked turkey and cheddar sandwich quarters for Bucky and PB&J for Clint, there’s plenty to share. There’s some fruit and vegetables if you like them and I’m letting some cookies cool but those are only for the boys that finish their food.”

Bucky leaned in conspiratorially, “That means you have to eat,” He held up two slender fingers, “Two sandwich quarters and at least one piece of fruit or vegetable and her cookies are so good and soft. Trust me you want one!”

The chair by them dragged across the floor and Clint was climbing onto it and reaching for a section of sandwich before Imogen turned to poke his arm and he looked at her guiltily pointing to his stomach with a pathetic look. She laughed and Brock rested his hand on the one she still had out for him, “I can eat what’s out ma’am.”

It only made her smile wider, giving his hand a gentle warm squeeze, “Alright but if you want one all you have to do is ask okay?"

He nodded and she finally turned to look at Bucky, “And James, we talked about giving your lunch to others or to the animals like the birds or the stray alley cats. How are you going to be big and strong for me when you don’t eat?”

“I ate my puddin’ cup and Tasha gave something called borch.”

Brock watched her expression go confused then she laughed lightly realizing what he meant, “You mean Borscht? The red soup?”

He crinkled his nose with a frown and nodded, “Yeah but I dinn’t like it. She said it tastes like home and I unno I’ve been to Russia it doesn’t taste like that or smell like that. An’ besides Brock was hungry and you told me I have to think of others so I told ‘im to eat my sandwich and he ate it in two big bites!”

Brock was pretty sure he took more than two big bites but said nothing about it liking the warmth he got from Imogen holding his hand. She glanced at him, “Do you take lunch to school Brock? Do you eat something before you leave home?”

He stood frozen to the questions, hesitating before his mouth drew into a firm line, “My dad works a lot, he’s a lawyer I ain’t got no ma she died.”

Abruptly Bucky threw an arm around Brock’s shoulders, “Really?! My dad is too,” His brows dropped at the realization over Brock’s mother, looking depressed, “Oh no I’m sorry about your ma that’s sad.”

The look on Imogen’s face made Brock look at her curiously.

“Brock, what’s your last name? You look familiar.”

“It’s..Rumlow, ma’am.”

She broke out into another large smile and he couldn’t help giving her one back.

“I know your dad, he’s friends with James’ dad.”

“Really?” Bucky let out scratching his head in thought, brows furrowing as pink lips pushed out. 

Brock tilted his head curiously and Imogen nodded to him, “Yes, his dad is uncle Nic.”

“Yeah, Nic. His name is Niccolo- ”

Interrupting him by squeezing Brock’s shoulder in a half hug, Bucky’s weight shifted off balance and he only grinned wider, “Uncle Nic is always here working with dad in the office! Good you can come home with me and play then he won’t be wondering where you went and you can come to school with me too in the morning! Do you wanna do that Rummy huh?”

Brock took a moment, caught offguard by the new nickname before he slowly nodded, “Yeah, yeah I could do that.”

Clint climbed out of his chair, jam and peanut butter smeared at the corner of his mouth while he was still chewing on a sandwich quarter with no idea what was being said; instead he held out another square for Brock, the brunette looking at it for a second as he bit his lip finally reaching for it and taking a thoughtful bite.

Rocking on one foot while he was balancing against Brock, Bucky beamed at him, "I like you! We're all gonna be best friends I know it!"

Copper brown eyes stared at Bucky, then at Clint nodding to the both of them, "I think so too."

Brock didn’t know exactly what to make of all this but he told himself to never let himself forget that day.

 

Bucky had nightmares for the last three days. Brock was there to wake him up on all of them, usually on the floor, once he awoke in the bathroom. Like always he woke up with his mind dark and murky with no recollection of what was happening, his throat hurting and so raw from screaming. Sometimes Brock’s arms had red welts and bruises but nothing he couldn’t handle, just yelling in his face to wake up and at times that was enough, Bucky shaking in his arms and crying but the worse ones always made him throw up until he was dry heaving. He just wished he remembered what exactly was happening but he was sure his mind was blocking it out for a reason, that was what Dr. Potts offered, a way to protect himself. It was a Pandora’s box to him and he loathed being tempted by it. 

He sat on the couch, tilting his head to Brock laying a third blanket over him and tucking a cup of green tea in his hands and one whole dose of Diazepam. 

“I’ll be beside you all day. I promise.”

Bucky leaned into the hand brushing through his hair and he nodded, glancing at his drink. Only half a cup, his whole body still trembling, especially his hands and feeling so cold. Bucky slid deeper into the blankets, toes wiggling under grey wool socks. He didn’t say it out loud but he wanted Steve. Nothing was going to make him feel better without Steve and it was stupid and childish and he wished he stopped needing him so much. He took his medication, sipping at the tea while watching Brock channel surf next to him. Brock found wrestling amazingly enough and a small pleased smirk crossed his features before he rested his arms out against the back of the couch and sat back. Bucky watched what was happening absently, chewing at his lip until it bruised red. He hated himself for needing the one person who couldn’t be here, the one person that wasn’t even his to begin with. He laid back and prepared himself for sleep, one leg tucked under his other leg the other stretched out to rest his foot against Brock’s thigh. His friend automatically rested a heavy large hand at his ankle, shackling them together in silence unraveling another coil of worry wrapped around his insides while he stared out the window and lost himself in his rainbow of thoughts.

Bucky didn’t remember when he fell asleep, waking up feeling slow and hazy as he pushed himself up onto his elbows. He was confused at his surroundings, a whine of panic slipping out of him before he felt a strong hand press to his cheek to steady him giving his chin a gentle tilt to look their way; Brock smiling at him lazily before letting his arm drop once he saw the gesture of recognition. 

“You good Kiddo?”

Bucky blinked a few times, staring around a moment before he returned to look at him with a nod. He took the bottle of water on the table, taking a few small sips still trying to shake himself out of his disheveled state.

“So, I was thinkin’..”

“That’s never good.” Bucky muttered out, getting a small hit to his thigh.

“Shuddap will ya? Fuck, he just wakes up and already being a wise ass. I was thinkin’ maybe you talk to that lady. Potts? Maybe you should give her a call tonight, talk to her a little. What about it?”

He was nodding before he really had time to think, “Yeah, I think I will."

 

Bucky sent a text to Dr. Potts about a video conference, fussing around his room for a few seconds before she quickly replied back arranging a time.

When he called her she sat behind a desk in what looked like a smaller office with a large bookshelf behind it and small paintings on the wall, he assumed it was her private office at home somewhere. 

She gave him a warm smile dressed in a simple cream colored short sleeve blouse with half of her strawberry blond hair pinned back, “Hello Bucky. How are you doing today?”

Bucky could only press his lips together in a tight line for a moment, shaking his head, “Hey Doc, I think I’m okay? I’m just afraid of being here because I don’t like it. I’m stressed out and been throwing up lately.”

He shook his head with a sigh sitting on the bed staring at her through the call, “I think I’m just pure anxiety right now.”

“Well, that’s understandable. Being sent to another country but Bucky, you never explained why this happened. Could you tell me about that?”

Bucky drew in a long deep breath, nodding to her and explaining the whole night in its entirety starting with the Halloween party and what happened during the party; the jealous feelings he felt and running into Johnny and Steve trying to hide from Loki. Bucky looked at her, feeling nervous as he explained how he felt when Steve crowded him during the keg run in the hallway. He continued with going back to Johnny and the fight breaking out between Ward and Steve, then the fight between Steve and Tony he tried breaking up. He explained to her about taking it upon himself to get out of the situation because it just got too much and afterward Steve’s accident when he came after him. 

Bucky took a moment, dropping his head to burying his face in his hands with a heavy sigh and Dr. Potts waited patiently for him to continue.

He took a few minutes to gather himself, sitting up again, “Tony lost it at the hospital and I don’t blame him. I don’t. Steve got into an accident and he was already on edge about me so it makes sense.”

She tilted her head in thought, “Perhaps but that doesn’t mean you’re guilty for the decision Steve and Natasha made going out to look for you.”

“I know but- ”

“No Bucky,” She let out firmly, “You cannot be held responsible for other people’s decisions. That’s an excellent way of harming yourself. I know Steve and Natasha are very important to you but they are both able bodied people that are aware of the decisions they make. They’ve probably pointed this out to you already I assume.”

Bucky could only nod warily, “Yeah they have.”

“And you need to believe them and in yourself. They care about you very much, I know you can’t lose the guilt overnight but try to work on keeping your mind busy like we discussed previously. A lot of things keep coming back because you’re not stimulated enough and Bucky, I don’t mean your activity that usually includes Mr. Storm.”

Bucky laughed, feeling his face go red as he turned away from her polite smile as he nodding to her, “Yeah I got you Doc.” 

“And Steve?”

“He’s better, he sounds better. He was alert and awake when I talked to him last but I don’t know. It’s been about three days or something. Nat would let me know if it got worse, I’m not allowed to talk to him really. I only got the chance because Brock gave me his phone one time, I can’t really keep up day to day except through my friends if they see or talk to him.”

She nodded to him sympathetically, “I know it can be hard. I know he was a good anchor for you but at least it was nothing worse, hm?”

Bucky nodded, glancing at her shyly, unsure of how to broach the question that had been sitting in his mind for a little while. She could see it on his face, waiting and letting him gather himself together before rolling his shoulders a little looking at her again, “Do you really think I have disassociative behavior? Will I have to be medicated for it?”

She sat up straighter, her brows moving together a little, shaking her head, “Oh no Bucky, no. It’s not like that. You won’t have to take medication for it." 

She frowned softly, thinking a moment over how to answer, “About having it, yes and no. You don’t have it in a way that is any cause for alarm. It’s more of a detachment, a depersonalization you have with some things you choose not to talk about or do. For example when we first began to speak to each other, you looked away and you tended to space out, so to speak, when you chose not to talk. It’s something you seem to do with people you aren’t familiar with and the more antagonized you feel the more you reveal the behavior. It’s not something you should worry about though, I’ve been trying to help you reestablish that by opening up a little more around people you may not usually do that around and understand a way to manage it without stepping yourself out of the environment. That work on maybe making new friends aside from the ones you keep close to and maybe attempting another date are ways that work with that. Which by the way, I’m very proud of you for going on one, thank you.”

Bucky smiled, shy but genuine. A warmth in his belly that seemed to wash all over him, pleased over the approval.

“I’m sorry I never got to say that in person, but your panic episode and anxiety was more of my focus so we could see what I could help you with. Are you still working on that second date with him?”

He nodded, drawing in a small breath, “Yes. I told him I’ll be gone for a month so we agreed maybe in December we would plan for a second date.”

Dr. Potts gave him a wider smile, fondness in it, nodding to him, “Well good, I’m glad you both want to do that.”

They sat together and talked for at least an hour longer before Bucky felt more comfortable to get off the call and go back to reality not sure if it was going to help or not.

 

Brock sat in the wake of the early morning sunlight lost in thoughts about being here in general and Bucky’s depression. The refusal to eat wasn’t anything new to him, when they were kids he did it when he was unhappy or when he was way too focused on something like a video game or some new art project. He had been quietly logging everything Bucky consumed and maybe kept down, which was a majority of champagne, wine and sparkling water; when he was in the penthouse, hard liquor. 

He was an expert at pretending if he had to, eating small bits and pieces of h’orderves to make it look like he was consuming at a leisurely pace when in actuality he barely ate crumbs and then folded his cocktail napkin over the food placing it on a serving tray while he rerouted conversation with a wide smile and a laugh. 

There was a breakfast invitation, a little _get to know James Barnes_ welcome party on Saturday morning, some ladies luncheon he had to attend in the afternoon. Brock would help him back to the suite when no one would see; they only stayed as long as they had to and Brock got the brunt of it once for not realizing Bucky was supposed to meet someone that didn’t arrive til they had left while Bucky pathetically laid on the bathroom floor in hopes he would throw up from the alcohol and not enough food. 

Brock managed to cancel some evening invitations for private dinners but it was getting harder to reroute when important people wanted to meet the wholesome son of Winifred Hubbard and rub elbows to be in the Barnes’ good graces not that Brock could actually fathom _why_ that would be a great idea.

During down times, Brock would get Bucky cleaned up and into bed by the early/mid afternoon after some meeting or breakfast with half a dose of Diazepam and unhappy tears then Brock was out once he was asleep but only when he took his medication, informing Yuri at front desk to contact him if anything was amiss and only when Bucky took his dose. He almost considered a baby monitor for Yuri to keep but decided he was being maybe a little too parental with that idea.

It was a terrible summary of the first week; first few couple of days Bucky refused to eat anything but a piece of toast outright. Brock ignored the red flag, ignored it because Bucky was unhappy. He ignored the next few, believed he was possibly eating after day three, drinking water to replace the tears and then at day four after someone asked if he enjoyed Germany over the United States and Bucky came back and broke the first seal of their the bottles in their liquor cabinet there were too many flags. He was drunk much too fast, empty stomach causing another problem within itself and Brock realized just as day six sank in that he had to fix this at the same time making sure Bucky didn’t drown himself in the hot tub at some point while his mind was altered. He didn’t even want to think about the nightmares in the middle of the night that woke him up in a cold sweat. Bucky never remembered what happened in them but every time Brock heard his screams, they both remembered everything all over again.

 

“Here, drink this Kiddo.”

Bucky didn’t even lift his head, hidden beneath his blanket, “I don’t want it.”

Brock sat down at the edge of the bed before where Bucky laid out, “Bucky, get up. Sit up. _Now_.” 

His voice was firm and Bucky looked at him questionably, slowly pulling himself up to sit and Rumlow held the shake out, “Drink this. Right now, in front of me and if you say anything about it, I’m going to drag your skinny lil’ ass out of this penthouse and take you to the weight room with me so either this or the alternative.”

Raising a brow, Brock watched Bucky’s mouth quirk to say something, sadness crossing his eyes at being forced to do something he didn’t want to once again. After taking a moment to contemplate his lack of options, he finally reached a hand out from under the blanket, fingers involuntarily shaking and the tense lines across Brock’s face became stronger. He decided against letting go of the drink, keeping one large calloused hand on the cup as Bucky’s gripped around the top of it, helping him to move the straw to his lips. Bucky took in a careful taste test and immediately recoiled, nose scrunching with his lips pressed out in disgust.

“Tastes like shit..”

Brock nodded, “S’whatcha get for fuckin’ fakin’ it around everyone. You’re upset, that’s fuckin’ fine and dandy. You’re sad, that’s how ya feel but don’t think I’m missing the way you’re cutting a route to starvin’ yourself Kid, I’m not going to stand by and watch that.”

Bucky dropped his head, “I’m not..”

Rumlow cut him off, leaning in to plant a light kiss on his head, “I know Baby, I know. You’re not doing it on purpose, you’re just letting your feelins’ control you but you ain’t gonna get back home by emaciatin’ yourself. If you don’t want to eat, that’s okay but you have to take the vitamin shakes and smoothies I make instead before you lose too much weight and Tash tans my hide.”

Bucky moved his head, pulling the blanket aside to look over himself, “I’m not losing weight..am I?” It came out in a confused squeak of surprise, a hand pushing aside his t-shirt, his fingers pinching at his side.

“There’s a possibility you’ve lost five, maybe ten. I’m ain’t no doc but I know you’re not really taking shit in. I’ve been watching you throw a lot up though and today that’s all stoppin’. I promised everyone I was going to look out for you, I even said that to myself. If you eat, you won’t get these shitty shakes, if you’re sad I have to make you take these and some supplements like I give to the guys at the gym, just not the same shit. I know you’re not hurtin’ yourself but I have to monitor you, yeah?”

Bucky took a few more sips before nodding and fussing his head away, pulling his arms out to move them around Brock’s neck, pressing his forehead against his shoulder smacking his lips at the flavor lingering that he couldn’t get rid of.

Rumlow pressed a kiss against his temple, “I’ll mix it with some chocolate whey next time, you’ll like it more and don’t think cuddlin’ up to me is getting you off finishin’ this one.”

Bucky groaned against his shirt and felt a rumble of a chuckle roll through his friend.

“I love you.”

Wrapping his arms tighter around Brock’s neck, Bucky pressed in closer to him humming softly, “I love you too.”

 

Steve got himself out of the SUV, waiting like he usually did for Sam to come around and walk alongside with him. The fresh air felt nice, taking in his freedom on the second day of his hospital release knowing if he had stayed there any longer he would have asked them to put him in the psyche ward to make it easier for them. 

Sam looped an arm around him as they ascended the short few steps on the stoop. 

"You feeling okay?"

Steve nodded, drawing in a few long deep breaths like he was taught to do, blinking tiredly. His eyes burned as of late with pale red rings from barely sleeping, mainly staring at nothing or lost in his thoughts quietly listening to Sam's deep breathing while he slept next to him. 

"Just need a change of scenery, will be good to see how Nat and Clint are doing. Even Jack too, he's alright."

The door was unlocked already, letting themselves in and Jack was moving a kitchen chair to the living room giving them a nod, Clint smiled when he looked up at them, “Hey you two.”

Steve smiled, Sam giving the pair of them warm friendly hugs and Jack a handshake. Natasha had put a few pillows on the couch and had a TV tray already set up, Steve lifting his brows.

"What's that for?"

The look she gave him immediately caused Steve to sigh knowing what she was going to say, "You were told to stay off your feet the first few days so I'm following doctor's orders. If you want to be here you stay on the couch. If you're tired you’re welcome to sleep on it or go take Bucky's bedroom but you're not sitting at the table for dinner with us."

"You've been exiled." Clint threw in resting a light blanket on the arm of it, parking himself down on the loveseat beside Sam.

Steve looked back and forth between the two of them, "You're all aware I'm not a fragile princess right? I can move around freely. I won't break my ribs again and if my lung collapses I can survive way past the arrival of an ambulance."

"I wouldn't argue with someone in their own house." Sam retorted with a simple smile and the redhead only nodded in agreement.

"I see I'm not going to win any arguments about this."

Clint shook his head, "Hey, enjoy it while it lasts."

Steve nodded helplessly, letting out a sigh as he looked towards the window spying Lucky curled up in his dog bed with a black t-shirt between his paws, resting his head on it.

"Hey boy."

The Labrador raised his head a fraction to look at him with his one good eye then dropped down again like he was moping. Nat watched Lucky with a faint trace of sadness, "He misses James."

Steve made a light sound in agreement at the canine, "Join the club."

She reached over, gingerly hugging his arm and Steve moved it away from her only to put it around her shoulders in a half hug, pressing her firmly against his side, her arm going around his waist. "He's been taking things out of James’ bedroom and sleeping with them. Every time I put something away he's grabbed something else. I just gave up though James probably won't appreciate his favorite Pearl Jam t-shirt getting chewed up."

 

After dinner Natasha parked a pink laptop on the coffee table, hooking it to the television, “Did you want to see an interview Bucky did a few days ago?”

Sam’s interest was piqued, “An interview?”

She nodded sitting on the floor to look for the video, “There are these fashion magazines that do online interviews, Bucky mentioned doing one for some German one.”

“Bucky used to model?”

“Not a lot but when he was living in Germany a little after graduation his mother got him at one place and people liked his brooding sexy look with that sharp jawline.”

Clint snorted, “Photographing in low jeans and no shirt like a Calvin Klein ad helped too.”

Natasha rolled her eyes but nodded, “Yes, that too, but he is very photogenic.”

Sighing, Steve nodded, “You can say that again. He’s a great study.”

“Right. _Study_.” Sam muttered out with a grin and a wink before he grabbed another handful of popcorn.

Coming out of the kitchen, Jack handed around some beers, passing Steve a bottle of coke, “He did good, sold the clothes in my opinion."

Raising his hands to get some attention, Steve realized something, “Okay so this may sound really stupid but what exactly is Bucky’s job out there? He’s got ex-model tacked on and lives in a hotel. I mean I know his parents are wealthy but I have no clue _why_. I know his dad is a lawyer, right? Lawyers wouldn’t send their kids to do their work, and a meeting? For what, what does his mom do. Tony said she’s an heiress?”

Jack stared at him carefully, sipping at his beer glancing at Natasha before he put the bottle down.

“You never asked him?”

Steve shook his head, clasping his hands together in his lap, “Nope. I was never interested but now I’m wondering what he does there.”

Tucking his hands behind his head, Clint stretched his legs out, “He’s one of those guilty by association celebs out there. You know, attached by name to something famous and they’re young and made of a shit ton of money and ungodly hot so people wanna be all up on him. His mom is an heiress, owns a chain of multi million dollar European luxury hotels. Hence why he has a bodyguard over there but he’s okay over here.”

“Holy shit.” Was really all Steve could mutter out.

Jack tried not to laugh, “ _Yeah_ , holy shit works.”

Natasha suddenly snapped her fingers, hitting the play button, “Found it.”

As soon as Steve saw Bucky on the screen sitting in a chair somewhere at some restaurant patio in a black t-shirt and a navy blue sports jacket with dark sunglasses he was feeling a rush of excitement and happiness.

A portly gentleman with a thick German accent sat beside him after talking to whoever was setting the camera and introducing the magazine and giving a brief introduction to Bucky’s background some pictures popping up of ads and runway. Around him Sam, Nat, Jack and Clint were critiquing the outfits he wore with popcorn bouncing at the screen if it was just awful or wolf whistles at the pictures where he looked like he was trying to pull off disinterested sex God without even trying. All Steve could focus on was Bucky’s face, the real one sitting in the chair answering simple questions about why he didn’t work anymore in Germany and why he was there right then and what he had been up to. 

Most of it was drowned away while Steve soaked in everything about how Bucky looked, how he reacted to questions, even the way he laughed heartily to some things being said to him with a tight crinkle of his nose. A flare of jealousy sprang up when the man leaned in a little closer, chairs already side by side with a microphone between them and his free hand resting on Bucky’s exposed wrist asking something about partying while he was here and when Bucky said he hadn’t yet the interviewer suggested places he could take him to and be a tour guide.

“Oh man that dude’s flirting with him!” 

Steve felt his face grow warmer at Sam’s announcement, Bucky himself taking the open body language and flirting in stride quietly brushing stray hairs behind his ear and shyly tilting his head to turn away while he smiled broadly.

“So I want to ask you some juicy gossip questions, is that okay James?”

Bucky nodded, “If I can answer them I will.”

“So you’ve been linked with many ladies and dare I say _men_ while living abroad in the United States.” 

Bucky smiled pleasantly, his wrist still getting squeezed and made no attempt to correct the man while he was reading off the card he was holding apparently for his questions.

“I don’t have any idea who I’m linked with but I hope they’re okay with it."

Clint took the popcorn bowl off the coffee table, placing it onto his lap after he sat himself down on the floor before the couch, “I hate this guy, I saw him before interviewing an actor I liked. He’s always trying to be sweet before he asks gossip stuff and if Bucky says anything about being gay or bisexual his parents are gonna hang him from the rafters by his toes.” 

“What about you and the son of business mogul Franklin Spencer, Johnny Storm?”

Bucky grinned after taking a sip of water, sitting back in his chair giving the man a shrug,“What about him?”

Shaking his head, Steve reached over and picked up his bottle of coke, “I already don’t like where this is going.”

The interviewer picked up his tablet, showing Bucky a picture and while he leaned in close to look at it without the sun glaring, the image he was looking at popped up on the screen with the magic of video editing. A dark grainy picture of someone kissing Johnny outside of a night club.

“That isn’t you James? Rumor has it that you were engaged with him.”

Steve’s coke went down the wrong pipe and he spat it all up all over himself and Lucky who unfortunately thought it was a good idea to sleep beside Steve’s feet, startled awake with a yelp running towards Clint.

“Oh my God I’m so sorry!”

Bucky broke out in a short laugh, a flash of a confusion crossing his face before he did though giving his head a shake, “Nah, he’s just a friend of mine."

Clint groaned, “You’re washing my dog Rogers.”

Natasha hastily ran off, coming back with some damp kitchen towels. Steve took them and nodded back towards Clint, giving Lucky an apologetic pat on the head, “I’m so sorry.”

The host pointed to the shot, “Is that you?"

Bucky narrowed his eyes at it, trying to squint, “Is that even a man?"

Someone in the background filming the interview broke out into a laugh.

Natasha helped clean up, Clint patting down his dog, “I warned you this guy said stupid things to get the dirt. You really shouldn’t have been surprised.”

“I know, I know I’m sorry. Just the idea of him being engaged to Johnny of all people.”

Natasha sat down beside him, “Look see, he handled it well. You can’t even see him in the photo.”

Steve raised his brows, “I can’t even tell, how can you tell?”

Jack studied the picture, pointing at the feet, “His shoes. Dead giveaway."

She tilted her head near the bottom of the television, glancing at Jack with a smirk before she looked at Steve again, “He’s wearing a specific pair of skate shoes he got custom made, that picture is so old though, very old. They won’t be able to link it with him unless they realize his footwear from back then.”

“Huh.” Was all Steve could let out, getting Clint to show him what he needed to wash Lucky with.

It wasn’t as bad as he thought, Lucky was well behaved even in the bathtub though it was probably most likely that he was missing Bucky like earlier and didn’t feel like fighting about it. Clint told him just to give him a quick wash making sure he was mainly getting the areas hit by the soda. By the time he was back downstairs with a dried off dog everyone else was picking out a movie to watch.

Sam stood up with the bowl, offering to make some more popcorn, “I’m definitely up for anything as long as I haven’t seen it.”

“Jack?" Clint pointed towards the male for some suggestions.

He smiled, reclining back in the loveseat, “Anything. I’m not picky."

Natasha’s cellphone rang, Clint making a grab for it to announce who it was, blue eyes immediately turning to Steve, “It’s Bucky.”

Steve tried to swallow down the excitement welling up inside of him watching Nat answer it with an amused look across her face sharing the same one Clint and now Jack were sporting because no one was shutting their mouths over Steve’s infatuation around the man. He attempted to ignore the call, folding his arms over his chest looking towards the television trying to concentrate on that.

“Kotyonok, I’m putting you on speaker! How are you? We saw your little interview, is it true you’re marrying Johnny?”

Steve felt his face warm knowing Natasha was staring right at him.

Bucky laughed softly, music gently playing in the background, “Yeah, I proposed to him before I left. He said he’d wait for me and stay a pure virgin.”

Clint snorted in the background trying not to choke on the chips he was inhaling.

“Sunshine, you’re killing Clint.”

“Pacha you know Clint is always killing himself.”

He smirked, “That’s true.”

Pulling himself off the couch, Sam walked over and sat himself on the floor beside the phone at the table, “Hey Bucky, it’s Sam. How are you doing down there?”

“Hey Sam, it’s okay I guess. I don’t much like it here but what can I do, right?”

There was a note of bitterness that everyone picked up and they all nodded in agreement with him.

“Yeah well just remember you have everyone waiting for you back here and we all want you to keep your head up." Sam turned his head, “Even Steve.”

“Steve’s there?”

Clint had to bite down the stupid grin his face wanted to break out at Nat and Sam over the way Bucky’s voice immediately went from casual to some level of hopeful, his pitch softened and sweet. Steve for his part stopped looking at the television and turned to the phone instead, puppy dog eyes activated. 

Lucky wandered over from the side and whined at the phone, nudging his nose at it.

“Lucky?”

He let out a bark, batting his paw at the cell before Clint nudged him away, giving his head a gentle pat, “Don’t go destroying Natasha’s phone now. He misses you Buck.”

“Aw Lucky, I’ll be home soon. Don’t be down."

The canine looked up at his Clint, whimpering louder and Steve completely knew the feeling.

Natasha watched the agitated way Steve sat at the end of the couch, watching the cell occasionally while he tried to pay attention to the television, “Kotyonok, vrei sa vorbesti cu el?”

Steve turned his head to glance at Nat who was holding the phone in her hand, she didn’t look his way her fingers patting Lucky’s head. 

“Va rog.”

Everyone got a little bit more in, asking about Bucky’s first week as a hotelier and how he liked running it. Clint asked about the food while Sam asked about the environment and the people. Bucky patiently answered everything, eventually passing the phone to Brock so he could talk for a few minutes making a joke about how everyone was interrupting the movie he was trying to watch until at least Jack got on the call off speaker and they talked a few minutes before giving it back and Jack was back into the movie that was playing.

Bucky came back on and Natasha held her phone out with the charger, “The bar’s full but just in case."

Steve looked at his friends and they all gave him smiles, turning back to the television like nothing was amiss, a silent understanding that no matter what it was, it was good for them and to keep Bucky in a positive state while being so far away. He took himself upstairs, locking himself away in Bucky’s bedroom watching his fish swim around quietly in a upgraded ten gallon tank and it made him smile.

Steve laid himself out on his stomach on the bed, “You got your fish a new home I see.”

“Well, Nat did. I asked her to since I had been planning to get one and well I couldn’t. I knew he would be happier in a bigger tank.”

“Did you name him yet?”

“ _Puiule_.”

He pressed his lips together, furrowing his brows, “I..won’t even try to repeat that.”

Bucky giggled, honest to God giggled, light like a feather and it made Steve’s heart soar. He couldn’t help himself when he smiled wider, “What’s it mean?”

“Oh it means way too many things. It’s just a term of endearment, it’s like calling a little boy a cub or something. I take it as ‘little one’. He’s special to me.”

Bucky’s accent drifted for a few words into his English before it faded off again, Steve liked hearing it whenever he could grabbing a pillow to tuck under his chest, hugging it tight while Bucky’s scent filled his nose and comforted him, “Are you sure you wanna get attached to a goldfish?”

“Yes, you got him for me of course I’m going to get attached. Besides, he’s outlived your prediction and doing just fine.”

“Don’t fish survive for a couple of years and then die?”

“Goldfish can live for over ten years Stevie, they’re pigs though but I like them. I used to have one when I was younger, named him Petey.”

Steve grinned, “Petey the goldfish, sounds like a perfect name for a fish.”

“Shut up, he was amazing, well up until my mom accidentally killed him.”

“..She what?”

“She was supposed to put dechlorinated water in the bowl, she put tap water in it. He was dead when I came home.”

“Aw Bucky that’s awful..”

“It’s okay, I know I couldn’t do much about it. I missed him for a long time and eventually I got over it.”

There was a quiet pause between them comfortable and placid, Steve leaned his chin against the arm holding the phone to his ear.

“Where are you anyway?”

“On your bed.”

“Look at you, moving fast.”

He grinned, pressing the pillow against his skin, “Taking too long to make a move Barnes.”

“I suppose being stuck here does that to a guy.”

“Well I can’t wait to see him again, he owes me a finished painting.”

There was silence again but he heard Bucky moving and the door closing. Steve went on alert when he heard a wet sniffle, jaw clenching.

“Buck?”

Bucky began to cry, he just couldn’t help himself. He should have been happy to at least get the chance to talk on the phone and the trip was just that..a trip. Still, in so little time he was so attached and instead of an insignificant touch, he had nothing.

He was only startled out of it when he heard the wet inhale of breath in his ear and a slight clear of throat.

“Steve?”

He heard him blow his nose, a deep secondary inhale through his nose to clear himself up, “Yeah Buck?”

A few lines relayed in his head as responses, selectively tuning in to the music playing low in the background of his hotel room, familiar lyrics playing along with the beat of his heart. A glow of warmth danced up his neck, along his cheeks and something stirred in him, something warm and comforting that stopped what he wanted to say, the joke he had on the tip of his tongue. 

Instead he dragged his bare feet along the light supple sheets and brought his knees in, smiling at him against the phone adoringly, “I’ll be back soon.”

Selfish. That’s all Steve could think of. The word flashing through his mind like a lighthouse beacon, the moment Bucky changed the direction of their call with one sentence because of him. The moment he heard the tears, he put himself aside and rid his own to take care of him while he was the one sent away for a ridiculous reason. Yeah, Steve was sure now he was in love with him. There wasn’t any doubt and Bucky made it so easy to love him, to keep him close. This was Natasha’s fear if he ended up corrupted by it. He didn’t deserve the care Bucky gave out in sacrifice for himself. He didn’t deserve anything Bucky gave him because he was so damn selfish.

Steve sniffled again, a tissue crinkling at the mouthpiece and all Bucky wanted was to hold him. He wanted to curl up into Steve’s warmth and engulf himself in the world of his arms where they felt like they were only made for him and no one else. It was where he was safe and cared for because Steve cared, Steve protected him and Steve, no matter who he really belonged to, still managed to make Bucky feel like a whole person without the knowledge of everything before his return into his life. 

“Steve, soon.”

“Please don’t Bucky. _Don’t_.”

He promptly closed his mouth, recoiling away from nothing, worried he said something wrong and Steve only sighed at the other side of the call sounding frustrated and tired.

“I don’t deserve anything you have to tell me that’s you trying to make me feel better. I know it’s what you want, what you feel the need to do so but don’t. I’m fine, the accident left bruises and sprains and some scrapes, I get some headaches, I gotta learn how to breathe just right. I have to buy a new bike, I have a friend who won’t leave me alone but it’s you. It’s you I’m worried about. Just you.”

The last bit of his words almost slipped away as he tried to keep himself together again, pain slipping into his voice all over again and he paused. He could hear Bucky’s music in the background.

_..Home, home where I wanted to go.._

“I need you,” He drew in a slow breath wanting so badly to leave it there but he couldn’t. He wasn’t allowed to, not like this. “To be okay. It’s important you come back to everyone how you left.”

_..Home.._

“Leaving out the fractured rib and the punctured lung doesn’t make the picture prettier Stevie. And I like being there for you, you make it easy to and I like that you let me, most of the time.” His voice softened a little, “And it helps me forget about stuff.”

“Just need you to come back then, you can boss me around like you usually do.”

“I _do not_ boss you around,” He rolled his eyes, musing himself, “You like being bossed around.”

“Do I?” Steve challenged, a teasing smile crossing his lips.

“Yeah you do.” 

Bucky could hear the tone waver just so in his own voice, dropping his forehead against his knees feeling his entire body light up to the way Steve spoke so entirely betrayed by it. He buried his teeth into his bottom lip, blushing furiously. It was so _easy_ for Steve to play him it was almost embarrassing. 

Chuckling, Steve cleared his throat slightly, “I guess you’d know a thing or two about what people like.”

He couldn’t help the smile, “Well I might. I have this idea you like being told what to do, that you get off on pleasing them like that.”

“Yeah?”

Bucky didn’t know if it was the sound of his heart beating in his ears or not but he swore Steve’s tone changed, it was deeper, a little low. A hand skimmed along the outside of his clothed thigh, squeezing the flesh warningly and causing him to take in a sharp breath. Warmth wrapped around the tips of his ears, his heart racing much too fast. He shouldn’t push but he wanted to, he wanted to tease Steve so badly and make him ache like he did. 

“Mhm, I think if you let someone ride you though you’d be the other way around. There’s some animal in you Stevie, throwing the shots.”

_Jesus._

And like that, Steve was hard. He hit the mute and held the phone away as far as he could, burying his face into the blanket with a groan. He shifted his hips to get comfortable and the friction only excited him, throwing himself on his back to stop. He bent his knees up to block anything from being seen from the door in case someone came looking for him. Whatever game they were playing, Steve had just lost and lost _badly_.

“Steve?”

He took another breath to calm himself down, unmuting the phone, “Yeah I’m right here. I accidentally muted it while I was talking, sorry.”

Bucky yawned, tugging the blanket out from under him to pull it over and lay back, “You’re a dork Rogers.”

Tucking an arm between Bucky’s pillow and the back of his head, Steve could only smile to himself. He listened to Bucky get comfortable, his hand lightly patting out a pillow before he listened to the movement of his body against sheets.

“What time is it? Germany is about six hours right?”

“Yeah it’s two in the morning, getting sleepy, but will you, nah nevermind.”

“What’s wrong?”

“It’s okay Stevie.” 

He stressed it but Steve was having none of it, sitting up suddenly, “Whatever it is Buck, I don’t mind if it helps you.”

Bucky drew random patterns into the sheets, with his fingers as he worried his bottom lip, “I haven’t been sleeping too well lately..”

“ _Anything_ Bucky.”

“Okay, it’s just stupid but there’s a small short bookshelf by the night table, there should be a thick leather red hardcover book beside a book about constellations. Will you read some of it to me?”

“Sure let me just,” He pushed himself off the bed, looking over the spines and a thick red book stood out almost immediately, pages worn and the book itself surrounded with age but otherwise in good condition. “The Hound of the Baskervilles? I didn’t take you as a Holmes fan.”

Pulling the blanket up so he could tuck it tight under his chin and settle in, Bucky smiled switching the call to speaker so he could rest the phone by his head and nestle in his covers secure and warm, “I’m full of surprises.”

“Can’t argue with you on that.” Steve pulled the covers back, getting himself comfortable with his back pressed against the headboard before he opened the book up and studied the copywrite.

“Of course you have a first edition.”

Raising a brow, Bucky glanced at the phone, “It was a gift! Also, if I fall asleep just hang up on me and I apologize in advance.”

“No need to say sorry, the point of reading to you was so you could fall asleep. I don’t mind.”

There was a brief pause, Bucky not knowing exactly what to say for a moment listening to Steve turn the page. He rolled onto his side to stare at the phone like it was Steve himself in person, a soft smile over his face and a fond look in his eyes, “Thank you.”

Steve paused, looking at the phone for a second before tucking it back against his ear, “Always.”

 

Brock collected a couple empty bottles of wine and some beer bottles dumping them all in the recycling bin. He glanced over to the sound of Bucky shuffling across the stone tile in a pair of white hotel slippers, a pair of black sweatpants with one leg ridden up above his calf and one of Brock’s black gym logo sweaters pulled on on top of his t-shirt with the hood over his head, tufts of hair falling over his forehead.

“Mornin’.”

He replied with a groan, slumping onto a stool with elbows pressing against the granite and a deep yawn escaping him. Brock shook his head, grabbing a mug off the side by the sink to fill it with coffee. He slid it over Bucky, with a small pitcher of milk watching sleepy red ringed eyes stare at it a moment before pouring some milk and adding sugar. 

“You have an appointment at noon.”

Releasing another groan into the cup, he sat up straighter as he set it down, “Where do I have to go?”

Brock picked up the damp cloth beside the sink, wiping the traces of bottle outlines, “Nowhere, a couple people are coming up here. Taking care of your hair, give you a shave and all that shit for that party.” 

“So boring, my poor hair.” 

He dropped his head forward against the counter with a thud and Brock winced a little, “I dunno Kiddo, I wouldn’t mind a hot shave myself.”

Bucky turned his head to press his cheek against the cool surface, “But they aren’t cutting your hair.”

“Fuck right they aren’t.” He muttered softly, turning to the sink to rinse out the cloth. 

Brock suddenly tapped the surface of the counter remembering Ms. Westerwelle, Mr. Susilovic’s secretary, calling him about Bucky’s shoot on Friday. 

“There’s a photoshoot for you in Friday if you wanna do it. They said the Winter collection which I assume are outfits.”

Bucky hummed agreeably, “It’s coats, jeans, sweaters, shirts, accessories. Just junk like that. After that weird interview I just hope nothing fucked up happens.”

Turning back around, Brock looked over a newspaper he was trying to understand before looking at him, “If you wanna cancel, that’s fine. You don’t owe these people shit.”

Waving him away, Bucky shook his head, “I really don’t mind. It’s just me posing this way and that with my face in the right angle to take the light. Fairly simple, I just haven’t done it in a long while. Not sure if they’ll like me again.”

“Well we’ll see, won’t we then? If they don’t, they don’t. You got a few days to see if you want to.”

Brock’s phone went off on his way to his bedroom, answering it with a slam of the door behind him. Bucky raised his head at the noise with a soured face only getting up to wander to the door and press his ear to it just picking up muffled conversation. He tried leaning in more only to have the door open on him and Brock catching him before he fell.

“Hi.”

“I’ll call you back, Buck’s being nosy,” Brock looked at him, “Hi, were you spyin’ on me?”

“Were you talking to a special someone?"

He scoffed, “No fucking way..it was just Jack. He’s doing rehab. He wanted to tell me before anyone, looking into it and joining an outpatient program so he can still work while he has a counselor and goes to meetings and all that bullshit.”

Bucky stared at the worry lines across his best friend’s face, stepped forward with a light touch to his arm, “You don’t look so pleased though.”

Brock shook his head, chewing at his lip, “Nah, I’m glad for him he shouldn’t have much trouble, he did it less than I did. I’m just worried. People need support and shit. I was Jack’s support when it was too much pain stateside. He’s such a damn mother fucking lone wolf and he wants to do this shit without me. I want to help him but I’m here.”

Bucky gripped his arm, “I’m sorry for getting you in this mess.”

His dark eyes gazed at the brunette, reaching up further mess up his bedhead, “No, you didn’t do that. I don’t blame none of this on you Kiddo.”

“Maybe that’s why he went now, so you aren’t around. You’re both thick as thieves, he probably needed to do this without you, to see if he could. If he’s sober and if you ever want to..”

Brock pulled him into a hug, holding him tight, nose lightly rubbing into his hair, “I always want to. It’s just expensive and I ain’t gonna wanna do it over again. I gotta be in a my right mind to want it, you know. I gotta be ready for myself first.”

He drew back looking at Bucky’s face when it clicked, “But seeing as you don’t look as surprised as I do, I’m guessing he came to ask you if he should before he made the decision.”

Bucky nodded, shrugging lightly, “He did ask me awhile ago. I told him then that I would pay for it, if he wanted it whenever he wanted to. I don’t want him using his money for that. He can put what he saved aside for a down payment or something. Bottom line is he asked before I left if now was a good time, I said if he feels like it is, he should take it.”

Brock could only nod, Bucky leading him to the end of the bed to sit him down, holding an arm around his shoulders, “He’s not leaving you.”

Copper brown eyes looked up at him in surprise before they looked away again, shoulders sagging slightly as he tucked his hands together into his lap. A cool breeze picked up from the ajar French doors and Brock pulled himself up to close them, latching it before he sat down on his own chaise lounge. Bucky patiently stared after him, letting Brock collect everything in his head.

A few minutes passed before he came back to him, scrubbing a hand along his stubbled cheek lost in his thoughts.

“When Jack came back, he was just in so much pain. That explosion tore up his left leg, his face had collapsed into itself from the amount of fractures, he was blind in one eye, he was covered in burns and had numerous superficial wounds. They kept him alive, operated on him and got him stable then brought him back stateside. You know how it was for Jack, with his parents gone it only left me as his emergency contact. When I saw him I didn’t even recognize him, I couldn’t with his face all fuckin’ bandaged up and so was half his body with his leg splinted up and all that shit. He was unconscious more than he was conscious and when he was awake he was screaming in pain but I kept beside him whenever I could.”

Bucky watched him recline back against the lounge and Bucky walked over to sit at the edge of it, gripping his hand lightly giving it a light squeeze, “He’ll be alright Rummy. You will too.”

He inhaled through his nose, knuckle running underneath it lightly while he stared up at the hotel ceiling, a thought crossing his mind causing him to laugh inwardly, “You know that fucker got me to read Lord of the Rings without asking? Damn fuckin’ Polack knows I hate sittin’ still and readin’ but I read the whole thing and The Count of Monte Cristo. I brought some books from his place, went to leave them there in case maybe he’d want to read something besides the shitty magazines that were old and half ripped up. I put them down on his bed, this was later when he was awake more and knew I was there and he looked at me under those bandages while I talked about stupid shit. I just grabbed stuff so the place looked better, read it somewhere or maybe on television it’s better if they got things to feel like home. Those books though, he moved his hand a little, tapping on it. It hurt for him to move and I held one up and asked him if he wanted me to read the thing. I sure didn’t want to, books make me sleepy but he stared hard at me and blinked. So I started with the thickest book and the second I was saying the first lines I swear on my parents grave, I heard him sigh Kiddo, like he was happy.” 

“ _That_ ,” Brock quickly shook his head vehemently like no other thought would be allowed to enter his headspace, “That decided things for me. I couldn’t leave him after that. You know what happened, I moved into his place to help when he was released and I lived at the hospital almost full time before that. He’s my brother, always.”

Bucky could only stare at him for a long moment in time. He slid his other hand to clasp it softly over the one already holding Rumlow’s watching him staring off out the window in worry, Brock’s toes bouncing nervously while chewing the far corner of his lip. Bucky felt for him, staring at all the worry and anxiety there knowing fear was laced into it. 

People changed, they became _different_ especially when going through something like rehab and Bucky could easily tell he wasn’t prepared for the idea of Jack possibly becoming someone else entirely.

“I know you love him Brock, you just have to trust his judgment. This can only be good for him.”

Rumlow turned his head, nodding sadly, his eyes giving away so much that it broke Bucky’s heart. He pulled his hand up, planting a light kiss against his knuckles, “It’ll be okay. I promise.”

 

Brock suggested a second visit to the in house restaurant at the main floor after regrouping from a brief breakfast meeting and review of operations on a future hotel which was all going over Rumlow’s head if anyone was to ask him to repeat what was said. By the look on Bucky’s face he was in the same boat, hands tucked behind his back in a black casual business suit nodding away to this and that as a foreman laid out architecture schematics on a table for him and Mr. Susilovic as well as a couple of investors interested in updates. The forced smile was wide and toothy but Brock could see the touch of cynicism being in the company of businessmen he had no plans to understand or socialize with. 

Bucky was game for going to lunch, still coming off the fact that he got to speak to Rogers, more amiable to suggestions instead of moping. He sure as hell wasn’t a fan but if Bucky was adaptive and ate because of him, he would tolerate it, for now.

They made it halfway through the hallway when a giggle broke out behind Bucky and he glanced to his side to see two teenage girls staring at him and whispering to each other.

“Is it him?”

“I don’t know!”

Bucky smiled at them and continued walking with Brock when one broke out to walk beside him, “Are you James Barnes?”

He nodded, “I am.”

The friend behind the other one made a small noise of excitement, the first one holding her phone out eyes wide in thought and trying to get words out, “I know you’re really busy and stuff but I was wondering if we could have a selfie with you?”

That question always perplexed Bucky, it wasn’t like he was a famous actor, he wasn’t even much a model to be honest. He was just born into a world where many perks and privileges were laid out in front of him with no need to work for them and yet here were people that still treated him like he was something special.

He pressed a hand to Brock to stop him, nodding to the girls, “Sure no problem.”

Bucky wiggled himself between them and took the camera to hold over their heads all grins and smiles taking a couple before handing it back. 

He held his hand out to shake their hands, “It was nice to meet you two ladies.”

They both shook his hand giggling away and the one that had been following her friend’s lead abruptly turned the handshake into a hug startling Bucky. He smoothly pulled his hand out of hers and gave her a proper hug drawing away with a smile, inches from her face, “Thanks for the hug.”

The girl blushed all levels of red, “No, thank you James!”

The friend tugged the girl off Bucky while he could only laugh, waving to them both while they were chattering and giggled to each other running to hide in the elevators.

“That was..something.” Brock let out dryly.

Bucky shrugged, “I’d rather have boy crazy teenage girls than annoying paps or weird interviewers, wouldn’t you?”

“I’d rather none of it which is why you’re you and I’m me.”

All Bucky could do was roll his eyes, hooking his arm around Rumlow’s, “Come on mister grumpy pants.”

They were promptly seated especially after the host instantly recognized Brock’s dining partner and quietly gestured with subtly widened eyes and sharp hand gestures without Bucky seeing them. A broader smile came across the man’s features and Brock swore his balding head began to sweat a little. It was a little funny to him to say the least, watching him set down two menus before them. 

“Mr Barnes, and of course Mr. Rumlow. So good to have you both join us for lunch, please sit comfortably and I will get you something to drink, yes?”

Bucky glanced up with a smile, none the wiser at the urgency happening around him, “Can I have black tea please?”  
“I’ll take a coffee.”

He nodded, “I’ll get them brought to you and your server should be at your table soon, enjoy your lunch Sirs.”

Bucky stretched his legs out from under the table, reclining back as he opened the thick leathery padded menu, skimming it quietly. 

“I want a steak.”

Raising his brows in surprise, Bucky rested his menu down, “For lunch?”

Brock nodded, “One of those days Kiddo. What’re you gonna have?”

He shrugged, “I was thinking about Maultaschen.”

Rumlow quirked a brow, “Because I know what the hell that is.”

“It’s like ravioli but they’re bigger and comes in a broth.”

“You threw my ravioli across the room.”

Bucky chuckled softly, feeling his ears reddening in regret, “I’m sorry. I was upset.”

A hand pressed against his, fingers lightly wrapping around his wrist.

“I know Kiddo.”

They had a laugh together as they decided what was a good sized steak for Brock and asking for a seventy two ounce may not work well for him. Bucky felt something kick his foot before a small carafe hit his chest and he winced, closing his eyes to glass shattering by his ear. It took him a moment to realize there was milk spilled all over the front of his suit and Brock was already on his feet with an arm around the hapless waiter.

“What the hell is wrong with you!?”

"I do apologize Sir, really I do!"

Bucky grabbed his linen napkin as well as Brock's trying to quickly wipe down the cream off his suit too surprised to answer the server back, Brock glaring angrily at the accident prone man, "Are you stupid or just blind!?"

Bucky didn't look up, trying to dab everything. He took note of glasses of water, as well as tea and coffee all over the floor glad it was only milk that hit him, "Brock."

The man sputtered something in another language neither of them understood looking more worried as the host from earlier began making his way over. 

"Oh Sir! Please! I do apologize! Let me buy your lunch, or a whole new lunch, a bottle of champagne perhaps? I know it is early but for later if you like. I apologize for not seeing where I was going!"

Brock let go of the man, pressing his palm to his face in frustration pinching at the bridge of his nose, "That's a great fuckin’ idea when he Fuckin’ Owns The Place! Who the hell runs this restaurant can't even get servers that recognize one of the Goddamn owners!"

The waiter's features changed from surprise to sudden terror, more so to the realization of his job suddenly at stake, the host arriving with a livid look across his face, "Mr. Barnes?"

Bucky felt all eyes on him; from servers, from guests, _everyone_. His hand reached out to tug gently on Brock's suit sleeve, "Sit down Rummy."

Brock did so, begrudgingly. His glaring copper brown eyes refusing to leave the man standing in front of their table and if looks could kill, Brock would have happily finished the job.

Bucky looked at the front of his suit, most of the top stained in a weird color sighing with a shake of his head, "It's fine. Go finish what you were doing. You tripped over my shoe, it was an accident. I'm not angry."

"Sir?"

Bucky shook his head, waving him off dismissively and before the server could say anything more he was abruptly yanked off by their host, low gruff German being thrown at him as they made their way back to the kitchen.

"Why you gotta always take the high road with these fuckers Buck?"

Bucky ineffectively tried to take out more of the stain, blotting it with water, “Because everyone is looking at us and even if this is all under fake pretense that I want to be here and not because I'm being punished, it's still a family business. If I come out looking like a jackass I'm not the only one that will and wasn't a small percent of this for the worker's to feel at ease? If I let you go ahead with tearing him a new one that wouldn't have helped, I don't want them walking around staring at me like I'm a fucking tyrant. I wanna do my time and get out of here."

Brock grunted with a roll of his eyes, "I get ya Kid, even if you sound like you're in prison."

Bucky smiled dryly at him leaning forward to playfully punch his shoulder, "Aren't I?"

They managed to continue their lunch despite Bucky smelling like milk and his chest feeling a little damp, mostly he wanted to be a good sport about it and managed to get some food in before he just didn’t feel like eating anymore. 

On their way to the lobby, Yuri caught up with them letting them know that Mr. Susilovic’s assistant Claire coming by the front desk while they had been gone to remind them about the company party in a few days, leaving another suit for Bucky to take as well as a less detailed and less formal suit for Brock. She also left an envelope with a speech Bucky was required to read to kick the party off and all he had to do was turn on some charm along with it. 

 

Brock found things began to start overwhelming again for Bucky in the morning. He had to get up early and attend a conference meeting with his father, Mr. Susilovic and a few others in managerial positions with the company. Brock stood by diligently until everyone was asked to leave so George and Bucky could talk and as much as Brock hated that idea, he left with the rest of them counting down the minutes while he sat across from Mr. Susilovic in a leather back chair trying not to show how nervous he was feeling. 

It was only a scant ten minutes but Bucky was paler and more quiet, letting his father’s assistant go back and continue the call. His anxiety flared and pressed him into exhaustion, Rumlow hoping that was all that had occurred during the conversation.

Bucky watched until the boardroom door closed and they were left alone in the hall before he stepped into Brock’s space and leaned into him. He silently rested his head on his friend’s shoulder and and Brock only held him tight.

“Hey Kiddo, you alright? He say anything to you?”

Bucky quickly shook his head, “He was just asking the rundown of what I’ve done and what I’ve attended. I know Mr. Susilovic has told him everything, I think he was just testing that I was present. He told me to be on my best for the party and not to get pissed drunk so..duly noted, don’t embarrass my family during a company party. Check.”

Rumlow shook his head, fingers soothingly stroking the back of Bucky’s neck like he liked, relaxing him. 

“They ain’t your family just a pair of,” He ground down the word _assholes_ , even if it was succinct to what he should say though not in line with wanting to hear Bucky defend them for the millionth time, “Headaches. You know who your real family is.”

He felt Bucky nod to him and they sat down to wait. Brock knew there was still a tight schedule ahead of them, Bucky needing to meet with a few local committees to check with charities the hotel was tied with as well as a private dinner with some partnered sponsors. Bucky was already starting to show signs of strain and Brock had to keep him in high spirits to get him through the day.

Their driver pulled up to the front of the hotel at almost a quarter past nine, Bucky barely able to step out of the car he felt so wrung out trying so hard to keep his guise up. The door closed behind him and he turned, watching the tinted window roll down and a phone held out. Tired as he was, Bucky couldn’t stop the wide smile waking every part of himself up just at the simple gesture. He pulled his own phone out and traded it with his friend, Rumlow shaking his head, “I’m going to regret this when we get back, I know it. I’ll be back Kid."

Bucky nodded, practically skipping into the lobby and past the doorman, glancing over his shoulder to watch the car drive off down the road no idea where Brock spent his time high off coke and hoped he was always somewhere safe.

He got himself inside and by a stool at the breakfast bar staring out at the night sky through the floor to ceiling windows. A smile hit his lips after the first ring barely finished when Steve answered, a soft sound of breathiness coming from him, "Hey Buck."

He couldn't help but feel the pink reach his cheeks, warmth seeping into every pore of his body, stomach clenching and it took him a second to open his mouth, "Running to answer the phone?"

He chuckled and that clench immediately faded into butterflies, fingers tightening around the phone in case he dropped it. He knew himself enough, resting an elbow on the counter as he leaned into it.

"I had to, was in the bedroom cleaning up some stuff and you were in the living room."

Bucky loosened his tie, black silk sliding and unraveling between his long fingers without an ounce of protest, two buttons came off right behind it while his mouth chewed softly at his bottom lip. Steve already started turning him on and they were barely on call for less than a minute. He drew out a slow breath, grinning goofily as he chided himself over it.

"What're you doing?"

"Ruffling up my business clothes. Took off my tie, undid some buttons or I'd fucking choke to death."

"Yeah?"

Bucky _swore_ up and down he heard the pitch change in Steve's voice, of course he wanted it to change and his mind was swimming in extremely inappropriate thoughts about his best friend, forcing himself to push it aside. As much as he would have loved testing the waters on phone sex, Steve would definitely not like that. He decided to change the route of conversation instead.

"How're your ribs doing?"

“My ribs? Good. I have to take pills for both this and the collapsed lung so I barely feel anything half the time. I have to do breathing exercises throughout the day too, it’s different. Unfortunately I can’t go shop for my bike until probably the time you come back. I hate feeling useless but I can’t do a lot, running is out for now but Sam and I take evening walks so I don’t kill myself being stuck at home. Sometimes we’ll catch Angie at the diner and see what she’s up to which by the way she says hi and said she misses you.” 

Bucky laughed, “Well next time you see her, tell her I miss her too and that I owe her.”

There was a short pause on Steve’s side like he was thinking, “What did you and Angie do? Something bad if you’re both in a conspiracy together.”

Grinning, Bucky’s fingers danced along the marble surface of the island, “She’s responsible for sneaking me in to see you.”

“See? I called it, breaking the rules Barnes.”

He made a noncommittal sound, yawning as he stretched and arched his back lazily, “Yeah? I don’t regret it, I’ll take any punishment you like to give me Rogers.”

Steve chuckled, groaning out in agony, “Damn you’re horrible. Stop it.”

Bucky laughed out, giving his head a shake, “I’m sorry, natural abilities and all that. It just comes out. Anyway carry on before we got to the spanking conversation.”

“ _Bucky_..” Steve ground out but he could hear the amusement in it which only caused the brunette to grin wider because he knew he was a grade A jerk for it. “We weren’t talking about spankings.”

“Oh, my bad. I started thinking about what I wouldn’t mind.”

Bucky knew he was being terrible, but he was having _fun_. It felt amazingly good to rile up Steve after such a long exhausting day and if that meant his friend snapping at him for being inappropriate, he would take it. Besides, Steve was hot when he got all higher than thou about Bucky’s flirtiness, it was the best game to play knowing Steve knew it was all for fun.

“Didn’t know you were into spankings Barnes.”

_Oh._

He was never prepared for Steve to push back, backing up into one of the stools sitting beside the island to park himself down onto it. He could have moved to the bedroom but it was much too private, much too easy to rile Steve up in a different way and Bucky would be so very encouraged to do so. 

He drew in a painfully slow breath trying to keep it steady, brand new suit pants suddenly feeling tight. He watched the lights twinkle out against the dark cold sky, “There’s a lot you don’t know I’m in to Rogers.”

“One day you have to elaborate but right now I’m going back to what I was originally talking about.”

Bucky felt a little disappointed but Steve was right, nodding to himself, “Yes, what you’ve been doing while re-cooperating.”

Steve took a second to think back, “Right, I’ve been working on a few art projects and catching up on movies I haven’t seen. You’re a horrible influence by the way."

A frown crossed Bucky’s features, “Me? Why me?"

“For one, Friends. I’ve been marathoning Friends. You mentioned you liked it and I loaded up Netflix and couldn’t get away from the idea so I started watching it. Two, Sam’s been making my meals and it’s all whole grains, lean meats and fresh vegetables but sometimes, just sometimes I want a pudding cup or to sit with a tub of ice cream now and again. That’s all your fault.”

“Hey, don’t be blaming me for human nature Stevie. I’m just here to encourage your sinning.” 

“Shuddap.” He muttered, Brooklyn coming out thick when Steve felt especially bullheaded.

Bucky smirked, instantly blushing whenever he could catch it. He listened to Steve sit down in a slump, himself hopping off the stool to open up the fridge and reach for something to drink, fingers hovering over a bottle of beer. He hesitated, listening to Steve’s breathing a moment before turning towards Brock’s room knowing he wouldn’t want him to. He bypassed it, reaching for the small bottle of orange juice instead, traveling back to his room. 

“Hey I know there’s a time difference and it’s your recovery and stuff but maybe- ”

“Do you want me to continue The Hound of the Baskervilles?”

Bucky switched it to speaker, stripping down quickly and getting into a soft pair of sweats and a black t-shirt.

“Please. Did you bring it with you?”

He listened to Steve move around before he returned to the couch, “I did. I hope you don’t mind figured you would want to continue sometime.”

He smiled, climbing into bed, “I don’t mind, good you thought ahead.”

Bucky curled up like he did last time, facing the phone and listening to the sound of pages being flipped.

“Let’s see, we were about to meet Sir Henry because you passed out only a few pages in..”

Bucky grinned, “Sorry. Did you know I used to have a crush on Sir Henry.”

Steve laughed out in surprise, “Did you really?”

“I might still have a little one, just a little.” He pressed his face into the pillow shyly.

“Just a little.” Steve repeated with a smile in his voice.

“He just seemed like such a gentleman and a total romantic, maybe to a fault since he was getting heart eyes for Miss Stapleton seconds after meeting her. I found him brave too, I don’t know I just liked him.” 

“Maybe you’ll find your Sir Henry.”

Bucky mused, staring out the French doors, curtains parted and pulled away, stars bright and calling to him without the threat of the clouds, “I dunno, I’m pretty weird. Sir Henry seems to like people that have some level of proper control, maybe some dignity.”

“Hmm, then he doesn’t seem all that great. You shouldn’t be caged, you should be free.”

Bucky wiggled tighter under the blankets letting his eyes close with a happy sigh, “You’re too sweet, you know that?”

“Only speaking the truth. Now let’s start..”

 

After the pasta fiasco, Brock wasn’t going to attempt that again til it was something Bucky wanted. He was an utter child when he wanted him to cook something Italian, eyes lit up and smiling at him. Buttering him up so he would drop whatever he was doing to whip up something and Brock would grouse at him, snap something out but in reality he loved it. He loved being hands on with anything he did, mixing up fresh dough for the pasta and maybe some focaccia too while he was at it, gathering ingredients together for the filling and a light tomato sauce. Sometimes Bucky joined in or sometimes Bucky set it up where he stood by and put on music Brock loved on purpose so he was singing in Italian with a towel draped over his shoulder and he was stirring pasta in some water while one of his favorite people in the whole world filmed it as he helplessly laughed and tried to sing along to the words with him.

Brock glanced up towards the bedroom from the kitchen when he heard a soft sniffle from the open doorway. Today he wasn’t going to try pasta but he was going to try again. He prayed Nonna forgave him for opening a large can of chicken broth instead of making it from scratch, smiling to himself as he added it to a soup pot.

It was a clear window for dinnertime when he was finally done with everything, cutting a wedge of focaccia al rosmarino and ladling a deep bowl of soup out. He put a bottle of water on the little tray and carried it towards the room. Of course Bucky was wrapped in the blankets in the dark still, carefully hitting the lights before strategically placing the tray on the nightstand. 

“Are you hungry? I made you focaccia al rosmarino and I know you love minestra maritata.”

Bucky poked his head out, peeking over after blinking out the change of fresh lighting, his mouth curled up in a frown, “Cheater.”

He turned his back to him and Brock sat down against the bed waiting with a wry smirk on his own features. Soon enough Bucky rolled onto his back and slowly shuffled in a very lazy upright sitting position with narrowed brows staring pointedly at him.

Brock wasn’t going to feel bad about it, lifting the tray to reroute it onto Bucky’s lap, “If you’re gonna eat it, I’ll always cheat. You know I don’t play fair sometimes, il mio Patatino.”

Bucky made a small noise of agreement, dipping his spoon into the soup to take a tentative sip. It had been a long time since he had it but if there were any worries they were gone when he took in his first spoonful. Like always the broth still tasted hearty and warm, always like how Brock made it, like it was home. He liked that he put bits of pasta in his; everyone knew his weakness for noodles mixing it around in the rich broth accompanied with soft delicate meatballs and bits of endive and spinach. Things he liked to eat in one bowl, Brock was definitely a cheater.

Brock came back with his own bowl of soup, hunkering down beside him like it was the world’s worse place to be and that he should be somewhere else. Looking up, Bucky only shook his head at him, slurping the soup around a meatball cradled on his spoon before taking the whole thing in one go. Brock ate a spoonful of his own, smiling to himself, he was glad to know Bucky’s weakness for meatballs and noodles hadn’t hindered and he knew it was light enough for his stomach. The only thing he worried about was if his mind would actually settle for the night to give him a good rest. 

“You mind it if I sleepover tonight?”

Bucky glanced over, brows raised curiously, eyes red but tears dried away for now and slowly he rolled them most likely annoyed Brock was asking.

“I never mind.”

Bucky took a wedge of his rosemary focaccia, lightly dipping a small corner in the soup before he took a taste, a happy moan slipping out of him as he sagged against Brock’s side, “Ti amo.”

Brock laughed, crowning his head with a quick kiss in response, “Sei la mia vita.”

It was a good night, Bucky slept soundly for at least five hours nestled in his arms and even though Brock would rarely openly admit it out loud, all he would need to make it complete were the other three missing assholes in his life.

 

“Nat, he’s not bulimic, he’s just not eatin’. He gets sick at night sometimes. Yeah he eats a little,” He locked eyes on Bucky across the table from him, watching him eat a crouton off his salad, a defeated look etched across his features. “I make him a couple shakes and he eats some dinner. If he’s havin’ a good day he’ll sleep through the night, if it’s a bad day he’ll have a bad dream and get sick. Tasha he’ll be fine when he comes back, you can make him every fattening dish in the world and make him eat it. He’s just unhappy, trust me. He’ll come back home, take a few days and the next thing you got he’s eatin’ you out of house and home again. We got Thanksgivin’, you can watch him like I know you plan to.”

Rumlow made an exasperated sound before he pulled the phone away and slid it across the table towards Bucky, “Tell your _mother_ not to get on the next plane to Germany so she can take care of you.”

Bucky raised his brows, “She’s doing what now?”

He picked the phone up, “Oh no Natasha, don’t do that please. I’m fine, I promise. You know I just feel unhappy..I can’t help it.”

“James, have you weighed yourself? He said you lost weight."

Pushing his plate away, he rose out of his chair to take the stairs up to the rooftop deck, “Yeah, he weighed me yesterday. I lost ten pounds, I’ll get it back I promise I just..”

“You’d tell me if it’s anything else besides being unhappy, right?"

He whimpered lightly, sitting down on one of the deck chairs, “Yes, I just miss him Nat, I miss him so much and I miss you all. I want everything quiet, I want to be left alone. I just can’t fucking think straight..”

Tears came fast and hard, his hand barely moving to stop them, his palm rubbing across his cheeks, the sleeve of his shirt trying to soak in the moisture.

“Shh, Kotyonok. Two more weeks. Just two more and you’ll be back with everyone. We’re going to celebrate Thanksgiving together, everyone already agreed on it. Sam’s planning on making a giant turkey and he was thinking about making too many pies. He said he has to introduce you to his carrot cake so he’s baking that for you. Are you going to come?”

A hand was pressed across his mouth and nose, a soft hiccuped sniffle slipped out, his index finger trying to rid the last of the tears linger along his lashes, a pout forming, “You know I want to come.”

He could hear the smile in her voice, “I know but I also know you’re pouting because I’m teasing you which means you’re feeling at least a little better.”

Leaning back against the chair he stared up at the grey clouds forming, cool air gently teasing him, “I love you Nat.”

She hummed softly, “I love you too my little fluffy kitten.”

“I’m not so fluffy anymore, I had to get my hair cut.”

“I know, you showed me but it’ll come back.” 

He smiled, “You promise?”

A deep laugh slipped out of her and it made Bucky feel so pleased with himself. 

“I promise.”

They finished their call and Bucky took a moment before moving to go back inside, the phone ringing again as he made his way down seeing a very familiar face on the screen.

“Jack!”

“Hey, you have Brock’s phone. How is everything Sunshine?”

“I guess better than last week but not awesome.”

“What happened last week that didn’t happen this week?”

“I threw Brock’s ravioli into the wall.”

Jack made a slight wince sound, “And this time?”

“I ate the wedding soup he made with some bread.”

“So you’re eating something, that’s good. He mentioned you weren’t too much because you were down.”

“I just don’t like it here, I just feel lousy and it makes me upset and anxious.” Bucky sniffled with a sigh, combing fingers through his shortened hair.

“Hey, come on. You killed a little over a week. A week and a half? That means you got two weeks left, they’ll be over before you know it. Miss you a lot.”

Bucky smiled, dropping to sit against the end of the wind of stairs for the deck, leaning his head against the railing after looking around for Brock. He could hear the shower running and he relaxed a little, “I miss you too. How are you doing with the rehab stuff?”

“Great actually. I’ve been to a few meetings, getting my shit together Kid, I’m feeling really good. Starting a network, got myself a councillor I really like..”

He trailed off, Bucky nibbling at his lip as he waited, knowing Jack too well.

“How upset is he?”

Bucky played lightly with the material of his sweatpants, “He’s not upset at you, he’s upset he’s not there and you guys did that stuff together occasionally, you know how he is when you started doing something without him. You both are a set, no doubt on that. You know how you got pissed off when he was dating that girl and she just wanted to spend time with him and took all his time. The one he actually liked, we never saw him for a few weeks. It’s the same stuff, he’s not sure you’re going to be the same, if you’re getting everything you need. I know you’re both not on the same level with taking the stuff but you did and it probably made him feel less fucked up because you did. Now, he won’t have that and even his overdose didn’t make him change his mind.”

“He’s not going to step back from it for a little while.”

He nodded in agreement, staring at his socked feet with a partial frown, “We can’t do much til he wants to do something about it Jack.”

“Yeah. Yeah I know I just wish we could. But, I should get going to work. What is it, like late lunch or something for you? Tell Brock I called and I’ll try to call him later alright? I love ya.”

“Yeah it’s about one or something like that. I love you too and I’ll tell him, bye Jack.”

 

The bright flashes of light forced him to blink a few times. He hadn’t been used to that in a long while, a dark shadowy figure moving behind it with a camera before setting it down on a stool to walk over and tilt his head a little, cold fingers snapping him alert again. 

“There, perfect.”

Bucky stared off the side of the light, swallowing slowly trying to focus on the job at hand without worrying about anything else like the conversation with Jack about Brock or the party that was happening tonight and hoping he didn’t fuck anything up. He was going to be put on a pedestal for way too many people, he had been to some parties but a lot of them had been smaller and intimate; making a speech and trying to please a crowd was nervewracking, another bright flash bringing him back to the now.

“Do you wanna take off your shirt?”

“W-what?”

The girl that had dressed him stepped out from the side, “So you can model the jeans.”

“I..”

Usually it wasn’t an issue, lately though he felt vulnerable doing something like that.

“He ain’t gonna strip for the clothing line, if they got a problem with that they can come talk to me.”

A well of anxiety slipped away, looking at Brock beside the assistant throwing a challenging look at the photographer who cowered slightly, “It was just that the last time Mr. Barnes did a shoot with us, he was taking his shirt off so we thought it was a good idea. The girls love it when he does.”

“Not today he ain’t. Besides you have the sweaters and coats he’s modeling with the jeans, he can sell it all together.”

A weak smile spread across his face when he looked at Brock who gave him a nod with arms folded over his chest. The girl walked over with a pair of aviators and a leather jacket, fixing some stray hairs for him, “You look good with your new haircut.”

Bucky raised a brow in surprise, pulling the jacket in closer, wiggling his shoulders a little, “How did you know I had a haircut? Haven’t been here for awhile.”

She blushed softly knowing she said too much and she shrugged helplessly, “A gossip site, they barely say things because you’re so private when you are here but they realized you got your hair cut in comparison to when you arrived.”

Bucky’s dumbfounded expression only prompted her to pull out her phone and show him the pictures, “See? I’m sorry I know it’s weird but..you do look nicer with it shorter.”

Bucky was more distracted over the fact that he had no idea someone had taken pictures of him on the tarmac but he supposed he should have known better. Still, it was weird and a little creepy, the second picture was of him stepping out of the hotel before he got into one of his chauffeured cars with Brock. 

He smiled, albeit a little nervously, “No, it’s okay. I mean, thank you for thinking that. I just, I’m not used to pictures when I don’t know they happened. It’s a little weird.”

“You aren’t used to it back home?”

He laughed softly, “I live in New York, a lot of high end celebrities live there, they get more interest than me which I like.”

They shared a laugh and Bucky let her fix the collar of the jacket while another woman touched up ends of his hair that were trying to get away from the rest wrapping the shoot an hour later, Brock quietly lurking in the back for the rest of the session sending pictures to Natasha with a smirk plastered across his face.

Clint peaked over Natasha’s shoulder when her phone chimed away for a second, then a third time. Curiosity got the best of him and he stopped his pancake assault to really look at the new picture that was opened.

“Hey! He looks really nice in those jeans.”

Looking up with a slice of toast in hand, Steve raised his brows, “Who looks nice?”

Natasha turned the phone around, holding it out, “James. Brock took pictures of his photo shoot.”

The phone chimed again and she took it back to look at the new image, smiling wide, “He looks very nice in that leather jacket.”

She turned her phone Sam’s way, pausing to take a look with a mouthful of oatmeal and a thumbs up.

“Is this live?”

The phone chimed twice in a row, Clint scooting his chair beside his girlfriend to see all the pictures as they came up, “Yup, he says they got there half an hour ago. He was complaining about the photographer suggesting Bucky take off his shirt.”

Steve narrowed his brows, “What?”

Clint put a hand out to playfully shove him, “Calm down Romeo, he didn’t do it. Brock crushed that suggestion quick.”

Sam gestured wildly at Steve while he drank down some of his orange juice, “I told you, you gotta trust Brock. He’s got Bucky’s best interests in mind.”

Brock’s phone chimed back a few times as the pictures went, one final message had an attachment while they were milling out to the parking lot, their driver waiting for them. He opened the image when they got in, a group shot of everyone at one side of the table they were having breakfast at, Clint’s arm around Nat with his hand perched on Sam’s shoulder at her other side, Steve squeezed in at Sam’s opposite side giving a wave. Between the both of them, Natasha and Sam held up a paper napkin with “We all miss you both!” and a big heart at the end. 

Brock chuckled, “Fuckin’ saps.”

He held out his phone out for Bucky, who took it, staring at the picture for the longest time; when he finally gave it back he sniffled softly and wrapped his arms around Brock’s trying his damnedest not to cry over being homesick. 

 

Bucky pulled at his collar again, grumbling softly with a martini in hand and Brock slightly nudging him, “Lay off the alcohol Kid you’ve had two already and that’s before your speech..and stop tugging your collar.”

The brunette let out a huff of air through his nose, “This suit is so tight and I’m just bored. I hate these parties, back home I don’t have to say hi to everyone, here I barely get time to just stand with you.”

As if on cue, Bucky flashed another smile and a nod of his head when a couple waved at him, raising his glass before taking a small sip.

“I know, but if you get yourself shitfaced before the speech you’re gonna be in a helluva lotta trouble.”

Bucky nodded, “Alright, this is my last one as long as we can duck out when you know it’s fine for me to.”

Brock nodded to the request, “Deal, ain’t my type of party either Kiddo.”

Lightly putting an arm around Brock’s shoulders, Bucky leaned in for a partial hug before dropping it, “I’m glad you’re here with me even if you’re working.”

Rumlow smiled deep and rich, soft lines at the corners of his eyes, “I’d come no matter what. No one woulda stopped me.”

Bucky got through his speech thanking everyone for coming and being part of their _family_ so to speak without any hitch or bump. Brock was proud of him, not helping himself when he joined in the applause while Bucky smiled politely giving a small wave before collecting his cards to get off the stage and let the evening’s host take over. He was immediately joined by Mr. Susilovic and Brock watching his six. He was sure no one like photographers would be stupid enough to do anything to accost Bucky at a company party with a large amount of witnesses but weirder things had happened in their lives. They were all surrounded by people that wanted to shake Bucky’s hand and introduce themselves; an eclectic group of invited off shift employees and office workers for their main Germany branch on top of investors, backers, sponsors and business associates.

Bucky’s head was spinning, his mouth hurting from smiling so much and shaking hands with way too many people all asking how he was and if he was enjoying his visit to some people complimenting how handsome he was and how much they enjoyed working for him. He attempted to correct the first couple of people to tell them it wasn’t exactly him that ran things but Mr. Susilovic only shook his head telling him not to bother. Bucky stuck to saying _hello_ , _thank you for coming_ and _I’m having a great time here_.

Occasionally he felt Brock’s fingers press gently to his lower back giving the spot a light massage in a short circular motion before his hand fell away again and he was thankful for it, feeling the anxiety that he built up melt away at every touch he left.

Eventually Bucky got to break away when dinner started, desperate eyes wanting Brock to sit with him but Bucky knew better than to speak up, he was lucky he had him where he did while greeting everyone. For dining though, there was no way, Bucky had to sit at the main table with eyes catching Brock’s as he tried his best to enjoy himself.

“How is it?”

Brock tilted his head to a French accent, back pressed against the wall feeling the collar of his own suit chafing and uncomfortable now that they were a few hours into it and his brand new shoes pinching his feet. He found another security detail standing beside him, dark suit with hands tucked behind his back, sturdy and intimidating..well to others Rumlow assumed.

“What?”

The other male nodded his head to Bucky, the pair of them watching him talk casually to a couple sitting at the large white table, smiling as he spoke, a small gesture going on with his fork in hand.

“Working for the Barnes’.”

“I don’t. I’m just workin’ for James Barnes. I don’t do detail for the rest of ‘em.”

The guy nodded, “Oh, must be nice. Mr. Barnes seems nice.”

Brock made a small noise of affirmation to what he said, holding his arms over his chest. The guard put his hand out, “I am Couillard, it is a pleasure to meet someone else in my line of work out tonight at a party that doesn’t seem too much trouble.”

At first Brock only looked at him, eventually softening to a genuine and polite smile from the blond, shaking his hand, “Rumlow.”

“I have to watch the couple a few seats away from Mr. Barnes. Latvian dignitaries staying in his hotel. They were invited last minute I didn’t think they would go but, here they are.”

Bucky looked over and smiled when he had a moment and Brock gave him a nod.

“Mr. Barnes considers you a friend.”

For some reason it made Brock smile, turning to look at his new acquaintance, “Believe it or not but he is my friend. We were friends before this all so yes, he would consider me a friend.”

He smiled politely at Rumlow, “Then it makes everything the more important.”

Brock thought about it absently, watching the table with a nod, “Yeah, no kiddin’.”

After a way too long dinner of just standing and waiting for everyone to finish up and get the tables cleaned and cleared, Brock watched the jazz band ensemble start up again opening the way for dancing and mingling; he was finally able to be in Bucky’s immediate space tucked close but not in the way of anyone. 

More people came to talk to him and shake hands with him, some even tempting to subtly flirt and not so subtly flirt with him and the ones that weren’t so discreet about it caused Brock to bite the inside of his cheek hard or else he was going to bark out a laugh at how impossibly idiotic they looked being so inappropriate.

Mr. Susilovic was flanking Bucky’s side to answer more business fueled questions, his assistant to his side dressed in a smart champagne colored gown with her leatherbound scheduler tucked against her elbow to supply him with information, appointments and the lot, always working. If anyone got into more intimate questions with Bucky, Mr. Susilovic was also there to deflect it with a few choice sharp words that were polite but enough to cause the person to feel embarrassed and with Brock there, Bucky had a good shield around him.

When the alcohol was flowing enough for everyone to feel more at ease to let loose and dance, the crowd around Bucky thinned and he finally turned around with a heavy sigh, grabbing Brock’s arm tightly, “I need a smoke.”

“Kiddo, I’m gonna go hit the head, I’ll be back okay?”

Bucky nodded, reaching his hand to retrieve the lighter and cigarettes from Brock’s front pocket slipping one out, “I’ll be out on the deck waiting.”

He nodded, walking off while Bucky turned and exited through some glass doors hidden behind cream colored curtains. Someone was on their phone on the far end with their own cigarette in hand talking away in what he assumed was Persian, Bucky couldn’t tell. 

He lit up the cigarette taking in a deep inhale between clenched teeth before walking over to the railing to look down below watching a few people swimming away in the heated pool on the main level. Part of him wished he was down there instead of where he was feeling the familiar heavy mental fatigue wash over him ready to go home. 

He heard the French door open and the sound of chatter and music inside, no more Persian going on behind him and he forgot about the door, looking over the railing again. The inane chatter finally died away when the door was closed and he sighed inwardly, unhappiness sinking in as he took a drag of his cigarette. He lazily dropped his head back to, cracking his neck from one side to the other, stretching his back lazily before his arms returned back on the rails. At least the speech went off with a hitch, leaning forward letting the cigarette smoke exhale out into the soft breeze blowing by.

He felt a body stand by him, Bucky smiling a little, “So how long do you think we have left to stay til we kick it out of here?”

It wasn’t until he felt a hand press on his ass that alarm bells went off, immediately turning on one foot and scrambling away in surprise.

“I don’t know, you tell me.”

Bucky was met with a strange dark haired gentleman standing in a steel blue suit that had distinguished features with a mildly thick German accent looking to be about the same age as his father; he recognized him as one of the people Mr. Susilovic had introduced him to earlier. A president of some bankers firm he was told about but forgot a couple seconds later. He raised his hands apologetically after Bucky’s reaction, though the wry smile across his sharp features told Bucky to keep his guard up.

“What are you doing?"

“I’m sorry, I assumed you preferred something not female considering the way you weren’t enjoying the sights of the ladies as much as you were of the men.”

Bucky’s face flushed, not sure over being caught or because of the anger rising inside of him. He felt his back hit the rail when the man stepped forward again towards him and Bucky lifted his own hands up defensively, an index finger warningly lifted up towards him, “Stop where you are, don’t come any closer. I’m warning you. I don’t know what you think I’m up for but I’m quite sure it’s not with you.”

The older man stepped forward again, close into Bucky’s space, “Oh but James, you don’t even know what I could offer you nor what you,” Eyes roved over him, “Could offer me. Isn’t that why you came here?"

Bucky only shoved him away and out of his personal space, “I told you to fucking leave me alone! You have people you need to look nice to, I don’t, not entirely. No matter what you think my family sent me down here to do, making you feel good isn’t one of them no matter what sick idea you got in your fucking head. Now leave before I stir up trouble.”

He only laughed, fixing his suit with a sneer, “You think you’re the only hot piece of ass here that’s tried that bullshit?” He stepped forward, direct and pressing close with a dark gaze. Bucky’s wrists already up to block, he snatched them up with his own large broad thick hands, thumbs pressing hard into his scaphoid. He could have fought him off, pushed him away but he had to hold out for as long as he could to avoid a mess. He watched him lean in closer, hot acrid cigarette breath washing over Bucky’s face causing him to wince a little though his eyes still glared in defiance at the stranger.

_Brock will be back soon, just wait til he gets you._

Bucky pushed his hands into his chest trying to keep the man from pressing in completely.

“Come on now James, I’ve propositioned much more important people than you and they’ve always had to say yes. I’ll do it slow, and make you beg for it. I remember a couple or so years ago you were more than eager to get something out of me, I regret not acting on it before.”

“Stop, Brock will be back soon..!" Bucky couldn’t help the rise in his voice, trying his best to mask the mild panic. He had no idea who this man was, no memory whatsoever of what he was talking about.

He only snorted, “Your bodyguard? I highly doubt it, I had a couple of my ladies work on him. One of his weaknesses, isn’t it?"

The balls of his fingers dug harder into his wrists and Bucky pressed his lips together trapped between the body before him and the railing digging hard into his back, pain stabbing at him, shoulders stiff with his hands barely pressing into the suit to keep him from moving in further. His eyes danced around for help, truly not wanting to fight the man off if he could help it though his brain was calculating and assessing best spots to strike as he was biding his time til it was absolutely necessary. His parents would murder him for causing a scene. 

He just needed one witness, one person to break it up. The man on the phone was gone and they were alone outside while people were laughing and chatting away inside, the band playing up again.

“Please stop!"

He winced to all the shocks of pain pricking him everywhere forcing himself to flatten his frame as much as he could, wrenching his face away and squeezing his eyes closed.

The pressure disappeared off him suddenly, looking to see a blur of nothing besides hearing a gasp of surprise before he realized Brock was pressing his perpetrator against the railing. One large hand pressed around his throat with the shirt of the man’s collar trapped under it. Brock was pushing him back so hard the man’s legs were off the ground flailing in an attempt to get them on the floor again, the back of his head staring down perilously at ninety nine other floors below him. The only thing holding him from being completely pushed over the barrier all the way was his desperate hold on Brock’s forearm, dark narrowed eyes glaring at him with fire in them.

“Give me one fuckin’ reason I shouldn’t just let go!”

“Please! Put me down for the love of God!”

Brock shook him roughly with quick hard jerks, “God?! God ain’t got time for sick pieces of shit like you preyin’ on innocent people! You’re better off dead!”

Bucky stepped forward, his wrists throbbing painfully to the beat of his racing heart, tugging Brock’s arm in desperation, “Brock stop, pull him back up.”

Rumlow turned his head to him, “Bucky he _grabbed_ you! This fuck needs a beatin’ if I can’t let go of him right here and make this all look like a perfect little accident!”

Eyes pleading, Bucky tightened his grip on Brock’s arm, “I know. I know he did but I don’t want you hurting someone. You’ll be arrested, I’m not losing you because of it. Let’s just go home. Okay? Please?”

Brock stared back in momentary disbelief, tugging the man back to his feet before shoving him hard onto the deck floor and wrangling Bucky in with an arm, “I just don’t want..Bucky I told you..!”

Bucky nodded, keeping his voice calm as much as he felt himself shaking, “I know you did. I remember. I’ll always remember.”

Anger sparked in his eyes again and he turned around while his hand was gripping tight to Bucky’s suit jacket, his other grabbing the rail to get better leverage before he swung his foot back and gave the man a swift kick into his crotch. A momentary flare of twisted delight burst inside of him glad that he wore those brand new stiff pain in the ass wingtip’s that were delivered for him with the suits. A painful howl of pain echoed into the night sky, the music too loud inside for anyone to be alerted. Rumlow hovered over him as he saw the older mans tears glisten at the corners of his eyes, hands clutching himself desperately, the both of them stepping back when he suddenly threw up and Bucky turned to Brock in worry. 

Brock only crushed Bucky to his side not at all affected by the reaction, eyes stuck to the prone body on the ground pointing Bucky out to him, “You remember his face! Remember it while you’re lyin’ there hopin’ someone gets you help! Hope you have fun tryin’ to take a piss you fucked up piece of shit!”

Brock shuffled Bucky out and upon taking their leave, he saw Couillard by the entry doors hesitance crossing his eyes knowing he had no guarantee that man out on the smoking deck wasn’t going to out Bucky for Brock attacking him. He prodded Bucky to keep moving out to the doors, turning to the other bodyguard.

“Remember when you said Barnes considers me a friend?”

The Frenchman nodded, his brows coming together curiously.

“Well, he’s more than my friend. He’s my family. He’s been more family than a lot of people have been in my life that are actually blood. I’ll never stop proving that to anyone, not even to the guy I left out on the smoking deck.”

He stared at Brock, mind processing for a moment what he really meant before understanding completely; he gave him a warm smile much to Rumlow’s relief, putting out his hand again, “I wish you the best Monsieur Rumlow.”

Brock shook his hand in return, “You too Couillard.”

  


Brock ducked out in the morning while Bucky was still asleep heavily medicated. He couldn’t help but keep a vigil over him, guilt eating away at him all through the rest of the night and as dawn came in. His phone eventually vibrated in his lap in the bare morning and Mr. Susilovic finally returned his calls, meeting up with him at the hotel restaurant, Brock only there to inform him Bucky would not be attending anymore parties while he was in Germany. Business meetings, small tours, personal small gatherings were all fine but parties were done with. At first the man only looked at Brock like he had three heads and asked if he was joking until Brock supplied pictures of bruises around Bucky’s wrists.

“I went to take a piss and this happened. They may be punishin’ him but he’s still valuable to George Barnes, you want me to inform him how you or any of your entourage couldn’t even keep him safe for two seconds? I may be a little dim at times, I box for a livin’ shit like that happens but I ain’t so stupid to not realize George probably told you to watch his kid when he was out in public; can’t rely on a fuckin’ drug addict to do all the work can he?”

Susilovic was a hardass but not that much of a hardass.

 

Bucky tucked his knees up, hugging them tight against his chest curled up under a pair of blankets with his bear robe on the hood pulled over his head, two little brown ears sticking up while he rested his chin on his arm watching the rain fall past the window. Brock shuffled around in the kitchen occasionally swearing out in Italian before he eventually came back to the couch with a tray of food and drinks, holding a bowl out.

“I have no idea how you eat that garbage.”

He was withdrawn for most of the morning and Brock wasn’t going to say anything though Bucky quickly proved he mainly wanted to stay in his vicinity and keep it that way. He relaxed enough to ask for some lunch but still watched him wearily from the couch only relaxing when he was back.

Bucky only shrugged, taking the bowl with _made from a box_ macaroni and cheese, going back to look outside at the grey weather. Brock sat down with his plate, a club sandwich waiting for him while he watched Bucky eat a small forkful. Bucky shifted closer to his friend, resting his head on his shoulder rubbing his barely there stubble against Brock’s t-shirt. Bucky barely ate half of it before he drifted off to sleep again riding on half a pill to quell his anxiety and Brock settled him back against the couch losing himself in some show when he suddenly had an idea in relation to what Natasha had said to him at the beginning of this trip. He figured he had about a couple of hours before someone was going to wake up and ask what was going on.

 

“What’s all this?”

Some of the furniture in the large wide sitting room was strategically placed around in a tighter group together, the office desk to the side was now moved closer to the glass wall windows to allow more light. It was covered with a plastic, sculptors tools laid out on a soft leather tool kit beside a block of wrapped clay.

Brock raised his head in surprise, so busy checking if everything was in order he didn’t hear Bucky sit up on the couch.

“Stuff for you to do Kiddo. What you don’t sculpt no more?”

Bucky screwed his face up in confusion, nodding slowly, “I do, I just..why?”

Brock dusted his hands off, brushing them against the sides of his pants with a casual shrug before he dropped down on the couch, “Something to do, if you wanna.”

All Bucky could do was sigh, a soft crooked smile across his face as he slid forward with his arm going around Brock’s waist, “Spoiling me.”

He let out a short laugh, an arm going around Bucky, “Always gonna spoil ya.”

It was good for few hours, _La Traviata_ playing in the background and Bucky occasionally would ask over his shoulder what they were saying when he lost track of the story as he was working, Brock himself happily watching boxing on mute like it was an accompaniment to the singing. 

The opera was long over when Brock raised his head to the abrupt sound of a metal tool clashing with another metal tool and Bucky’s chair grinding against the floor as he pushed himself out of it in frustration. He stomped noisily through the suite and into his private bathroom and Brock followed after him, catching him scrubbing his hands under hot water.

“What’s going on?”

Bucky froze, turning his head to look at him, eyes showing the misery in him. He held out his palms over the sink, the lather of soap dripping down his skin. Brock also saw the way they trembled lightly and it clicked almost immediately.

“You can’t work the details.”

Bucky shook his head, dropping his hands against the lip of the porcelain and Rumlow put an arm around his ribs, “Listen, it’s just everything here. You’re fine. _You’re fine_. Trust me.”

He pressed a light kiss against Bucky’s temple and shuffled around him, turning on the hot water for his tub after putting the stopper in the drain, “I got an alternative idea for you while you soak in the bath. Alright?”

Bucky gave him a curious look, eventually nodding and holding out some bath oil for Brock to add, Rumlow giving him a smile silently promising him again that everything would be fine soon.

Soon he was standing in the entryway and Brock thought to himself, soft brown eyes looking towards Bucky's room before taking a closer look at the kitchen they barely used half of. He picked up the cordless, punching in the personal four digit number for Yuri’s direct phone line, the phone ringing only once before it was answered. 

"Hey, I need you to do somethin' for me."

Bucky woke up when his arm slipped off the edge of the jacuzzi tub and hit the water with a loud splash. He shook his head with a start, hearing a soft light murmur of voices out in the main room realizing it was most likely dinner. His stomach agreed with a loud grumble, echoing off the large walls and the soft splash of warm lighting, a curious frown pressing at his lips. 

Dressed in sweats, Bucky approached the kitchen lifting his silver plate cover to look what was on one of the trays, immediately picking up a spear of asparagus to bite into. It took him a few seconds to realize they had new items on the counter, more fruit, some fresh bread and some containers with organic peanut butter and some weird dip.

"What’s all this, who was at the door?"

Brock rummaged through a paper bag, putting away a case of beer and some milk into the fridge, “A personal shopper Yuri set up for me. Told them to buy me everything baking related from the grocery store. You got a shit load of flavors and mixes and flour, what the fuck is cake flour as opposed to regular flour. Is it lighter? Anyway they got you icing sugar and there’s cream cheese in the fridge and blocks of butter. Packages of chocolate, semisweet and dark plus whatever else, white and other shit. That spice closet has all the dry stuff, jars of preserves, your fuckin’ smooth peanut butter and _precious_ Nutella, plus pans and muffin trays. Whatever you need. The gal got it all.”

Bucky chuckled softly, looking right at him with a shake of his head, “You’re crazy you know that?”

Pressing a hand to his chest in genuine surprise, Brock looked at him for a long second, “Me?”

He nodded back, finishing off his asparagus with a smile on his face that refused to leave him, “Yes and thank you.”

The smile on Brock’s own face faded just a little, stepping towards his food to stick into the fridge, “I gotta make a run tonight Kiddo. You gonna be alright for a couple hours?”

Bucky watched his back, knowing Rumlow didn’t want to look at his face while asking about the elephant in the room and Bucky wasn’t able to hide the pain and worry he always had for him. He took another piece of asparagus, making a retreat into the sitting room to turn on the television.

“I’ll be fine, I think I’ll make something while you’re gone and watch the Food Network. So glad they get the American channels, I’m not sure I can take German Alaadin anymore."

His wrists stung a little but it was a dull sensation not at all comparable to being kicked in the dick especially in heavy brand new dress shoes. He smirked a little, listening to the fridge close and Brock’s footsteps walk across to the back of the couch, elbows resting again the back rest with his cellphone held out. 

“Gimmie your phone.” He murmured softly and Bucky turned to look at him silently asking if it was really okay. 

A wry smile crossing Brock’s features pretending to pull it back, “Unless you don’t..”

“Yes!” He snatched it with a shrill small squeak that he had no idea he had the ability to make, holding the phone to his chest before Brock could do anything else, slapping his own phone against his palm. 

Brock laughed, “Jesus Buck.”

“I’m sorry but I _need_ to.”

His friend straightened himself up, pocketing Bucky’s phone, “Yeah, that ain’t obvious.”

“I don’t need your sass Rummy,” He watched Brock head towards the door, “Now hurry and shoo so I can get couple hours of phone sex.”

Bucky watched him freeze, turning around with his index finger raised at him, “Kiddo, I _swear_..”

“I’m kidding! Really, I am. I promise! Cross my heart and hope to die, it was a joke.”

“It better be,” He growled out, “Or I’ll break Rogers’ face the second we get back.”

Bucky smiled earnestly, “I promise, but come back soon. Okay?”

“I plan to, if you’re making noises on the other side of the door when I get home someone’s gonna get an ass kicking.”

“Oh my God Brock.”

“I’m not kiddin’.”

Bucky settled onto the couch, finding the Food Network, “Bye _Dad_.”

“Yeah yeah.”

The second Brock pulled his worn leather jacket on and locked the door behind him Bucky called Steve, getting an answer in one ring, “Buck?”

Bucky fell back against the cushions feeling completely like a goofy teenager not that he had that many years away from it grinning helplessly, “Hi.”

“Hey.”

“You sound happy.”

“You sound happy.”

They both froze and then laughed over their accidental shared compliment, Bucky scrubbing a hand over his eyes. God he felt so excited to hear Steve’s voice again and it was only about three days, he was so fucked. At least he wasn’t the only one nervously laughing, Steve let out a chuckle he usually only reserved for when he felt a little embarrassed but still trying to be polite about it all. It was adorable and cute, Bucky adored it. 

Bucky tugged at the collar of his t-shirt, fiddling with it a little before he dropped his hand, “You sound like you’re having a good day.”

“I was, just painting and relaxing. Kind of driving me crazy being stuck in my apartment for so long but it sure beats a chest tube in the hospital that’s for sure. How are you doing over there Buck?”

He missed Steve so much, the emotion suddenly welling up in his chest, he tried to push it back and have a pleasant conversation, it was what Steve deserved but it was hard when all he wanted was to be close to him again. 

“I know the feeling, I haven’t stepped out too much either. Just that shoot yesterday for some outfits. It was weird I haven’t done that in like a year or so. The assistant said she liked my hair and showed me pictures I had no idea were taken of me when I got here and later after my haircut. It’s creepy. I know I should be used to it, I mean that fashion mag’s interview. Obviously people are taking pictures of me if I make them money over here but you would think the interest would wane. I liked that picture you all took by the way.”

Steve chuckled, “We really do miss you two, some more than others and I saw the ones Brock sent to Natasha, you looked great and by my understanding, nothing’s going to stop interest in a handsome eligible bachelor who models, is charming as heck and rolls around in money.”

“Hey, for the record. I’ve never rolled around in money.”

“Really..? Could sworn you like swimming in- ”

“Anyway,” Bucky cut off with a grin, sitting up suddenly to look towards the kitchen. “Brock stocked the kitchen with baking supplies, I should make something.”

"What're you making?"

"What do you want me to make?"

"Me? I'm not even there."

"I'll make it anyway, take a picture of it for you."

Steve smiled, happiness pouring over him like warm honey.

"Oh shit, no I forgot. Let me call you back okay?"

"Buck?"

"Two seconds."

The call died and Steve bit down on his lip, anxious and waiting. His app chimed and suddenly he grinned, answering it. A new screen popped open and Bucky's face appeared now standing in the kitchen, peering at the small tiny window in the corner to look at his face, "Damn I look ugly."

Steve chuckled, tucking at arm under his head, holding the phone out, "You look great, what about me?"

He flashed a cheesy grin and Bucky snorted, "Rogers, you have spinach in your teeth."

"What?!" 

He turned his head, dropping the phone as he heard Bucky laughing but he heard himself laughing too, he couldn't touch Bucky but he was there, moving and laughing at him. He would let him make jokes at his expense if it kept him from the sadness he heard last time.

"It's fine, green looks great on you."

He huffed, "It was that omelet I had for breakfast."

"Ah so Sam's still cooking then huh?"

"Yeah, will probably stay til the end of November. He wants to make sure I'm resting up for my ribs and taking care with my breathing exercises and stuff."

Bucky leaned in as if he was able to see then drew back again, propping the phone against the base of a vase so he could free up his hands.

"Show me."

Steve smirked, "Is this I'll show you mine if you show me yours? I haven't played that in a long time Buck."

He could see Bucky roll his eyes at him, walking away to gather a few ingredients from the fridge before coming back, "You're horrible."

"Horribly awesome." He retorted with a wiggle of his brows.

Bucky couldn't help but laugh harder at him, glancing at Steve grinning like an idiot. It made his insides melt, feeling the warmth rush through and settle in his stomach. It hurt, it hurt so much to miss him and see him so close with the camera phone staring at Steve settled back on the couch with an arm tucked behind his head and a comfortable smile on his face.

“Do you miss me?”

His eyes widened, biting down on his tongue but it was most obviously too late of an instinct, wanting to slap a hand over his mouth but he had the eggs and the a few other items from the fridge in his hands. The jug of milk slipped from between the crook of his arm and his chest but he managed to catch it and keep it close to him again, wishing the cold chill he got would help settle the red on his face.

Steve looked equally surprised at the question and he didn’t blame him. It came from out of nowhere and he silently cursed himself for blurting it out. He scrambled to the island counter where the phone sat and put all the items down, acting like he needed something to the side and away from view only to drop his forehead against the wall as quietly as he could in embarrassment.

He took in a few anxious breaths before he heard Steve shuffle a little and clear his throat, “Bucky?”

He didn’t want to go back, he wanted to hide and hope Steve would end the call, his head turning to press his cheek against the surface, staring at the turned away phone desperately.

“Buck?”

He sighed, grabbing a towel off the small hook as he came back into view giving a nod, “Yeah, I’m here. I needed a towel.”

“Oh. It was so quiet, I thought maybe you left.”

Bucky glanced only to see Steve sit up a little and he gave him a shy shake of his head, turning his attention to the ingredients he had, the spice cabinet at the side holding the rest of what he would need if they bought everything. He found a little bottle of vanilla pods, flour, sugar, and cocoa among other things. His fingers tracing under words for some items he didn’t recognize that were completely labeled in German.

Steve coughed and Bucky grabbed the salt, fetching a little bread basket off the counter that they were given with muffins from the restaurant a few days ago, putting all the things together.

“Jesus Buck, you gonna look at me?”

Bucky froze, not realizing it had been that obvious he was avoiding him. His head turned so his grey eyes could see Steve frowning in some form of disappointment at him. He grabbed the last couple of things and took his time to slowly walk over, feeling like a child about to be scolded, “Sorry it just came out, I got embarrassed.”

He started to set everything out and Steve made a short groaned noise.

“I wish you were here in front of me so I could just shake you.”

Raising a brow, the brunette looked over at the phone greeted with another frown and an annoyed huff with a nod, “Yeah I would, just shake the hell outta you. I miss you Bucky, you _know_ I miss you. If I didn’t I wouldn’t be on this call, I would be resting or drawing. How could you think I stopped? I won’t stop til you come back and you’re standing in front of me,” 

He sighed, sounding down and defeated before his hand started to press fingers against his forehead like he was frustrated, then it flew off camera gesturing a little. “God..Buck, Buck..I miss you. _I miss you_.”

He looked dead set at him through the camera, “I miss you.”

If there was any possible way to get to Germany in seconds and be there for Bucky, Steve would have done it in a heartbeat. He couldn’t hide how he felt; a little down, a little unhappy that Bucky had to ask him and then looked like he had said something _wrong_. He didn’t blame him, it was all conditioned in his head but it hurt to see that damage and be too far away to fix it with a hug or a touch to reassure him. All he could really do was occupy his mind and distract him from his own toxic thoughts.

“Hey, I thought you were going to make me cupcakes.”

A smile came back, quiet and soft, a whisper of private happiness across his features that Steve had grown to appreciate and fall for. Bucky ducked his head and his fingers passed over different bottles of little tins not knowing what to say and for Steve, that was okay. As long as he was smiling again.

“I was, you distracted me.”

Now it was Steve’s turn to smile, “Did I?”

He nodded in confirmation, trying to decipher a label with happy children playing on the front of it with a dog, “Yeah your stupid got in my way.”

“You’re the one that hangs out with me.”

He didn’t look up, a soft murmur of agreement, “Yes, what’s that have to say about me?”

“A poor choice of friends, that’s what.”

Bucky froze, forgetting about his food, “Aw shit.”

“What?”

He only shook his head, pulling over the plate cover holding his dinner, “I have to eat my dinner, Brock’s going to kill me if I don’t- ”

Bucky paused to Steve’s look of confusion knowing he was about to ask why but he shook his head to throw him off, “He’s got me on an eating schedule so I eat like you guys. You know, rabbit food and boiled chicken or something. Gross stuff.”

Steve took the bait, smiling at him with a look of disbelief, “Oh come on now! The food isn’t that bad! If you’re eating what he’s eating but less it’s a lot of protein, you should be doing fine and those fingerling potatoes, asparagus and roasted chicken definitely look good.”

It did, Steve was right only Bucky was afraid of what his body might do about it later when he would try to sleep and he got nightmares again. He ate another spear, nodding at him, “Do you want me to call you back while I stuff my face?”

Bucky watched him pick up his remote, “Nah I’ve seen you stuff your face plenty of times I can just watch some television.”

He nodded, waiting for when Steve looked away to shovel some of the potatoes into his mouth and force feed himself. Steve was right, it tasted good and he knew under other circumstances he would have probably tried to eat Brock’s serving from out of the fridge too but right now he was dreading everything, rapidly biting through a few more asparagus before he started cutting into his chicken quarter. He managed to consume most of the thigh before he just didn’t want to eat anymore, pushing the container away from himself with a soft burp.

“You know, you coulda taken your time. I wasn’t going anywhere.”

Bucky looked to see Steve was still watching TV but he gave a tap to his ear and Bucky winced, forgetting all about that extra feature when he was worried about Steve watching.

“Sorry I forgot about me eating and making noise.”

He took his eyes off the television, “You’re such a pig.”

Bucky could only grin, putting a hand to his lips to block another light burp. He took a sip from his water bottle watching Steve look at him with a distant gaze he couldn’t really understand.

“Buck, what the hell is that?”

He turned around in the kitchen expecting an axe murderer, “What’s what? I don’t see anything.”

Steve’s tone was all wrong, something was wrong. He had a completely serious look when he turned back to look at him.

“What happened to your wrists?”

Bucky could hear his voice rising although Steve attempted to keep it as neutral as he could and Bucky cursed himself for forgetting to hide them.

“Oh! I tripped.”

No way in hell he was going to tell him about what happened.

Steve blanched, an angry scowl sliding over his features not believing a word, “You _tripped_? Are you fucking serious right now?”

Bucky forced a smile, internally wincing over Steve swearing knowing he was getting angry, “I went to go shake someone’s hand and I fell forward. The person grabbed my wrists to keep me from falling and because he was surprised, his hold was like a vice. You know how much of a klutz I can be.”

Steve’s brows narrowed, looking morose, “Bucky..”

He rolled his eyes, cutting him off, “ _Steve_. Geez, really. You think Brock would be okay with bruises around my wrist if someone hurt me, come on.”

His expression softened, he would have reached up and touched Steve’s face to distract him but he couldn’t. Instead he held up an egg, “Now, let’s bake some cupcakes.”

Bucky had attempted to do a live cooking show but Steve had his own plans to just distract him not that it was hard but he was still going to blame Steve for derailing him. One batch were cooled and iced as he rested the second batch onto the rack letting them be for the time being.

“You made them, you should at least eat one."

Bucky hemmed and hawed about it before plucking one off the large plate he had set the iced ones on, the cupcake transferred to his other hand while he licked his fingers before returning back to his original hand. He laughed softly, “Brock’s going to kill me, he loves red velvet too. It’s going to be a fight for him to not devour all of them in one go.” 

“Well then it’s better he’s not here and you can enjoy the fruit of your labors.”

“I guess so.” Bucky mused, delicately unwrapping the paper caressing the cake, taking a large bite and getting icing on his nose and upper lip. He made a small noise of complaint before he grabbed a napkin to wipe his face, rolling his eyes with a grin. 

“You should be here and eat cupcakes with me. Oh yeah, there was this really old looking cookbook sitting with some other books on the counter when he got here but it has so many different desserts,” He grabbed the book with his free hand, flipping through it, “What do you think of some fudgey brownies next with a mint chocolate ganache icing?”

Steve watched in awe almost not hearing what he said, distracted at Bucky setting his food down on a napkin while he was skimming the page he was reading. He watched him dab his fingers into the icing at the top, licking it off his middle finger and then suckling gently on his index and Steve immediately felt himself flush. It never took much for Bucky’s lips to darken another shade of red the way he always bit or worried at them or poked at it when he was thinking or even when he was tucking his bottom lip between teeth and keeping it there while he was working on something. Right now they were a soft gentle mixture of pink with a darker ruby color a little tainted from the icing that he wanted to color red as well but Bucky was roaming his tongue along the tip of his finger while he was reading and flipping through pages. Steve let himself sit back a bit on the couch feeling the heat coil up inside on him while Bucky glanced at his finger to chase the icing his knuckle caught while he was turning the page to look at other recipes. 

Steve heard himself groan a little under his breath all his interest making his underwear tight and he shook his head out of it, pulling himself up to stride over to the kitchen and get a cold glass of water feeling like a total pervert especially when he shouldn’t be thinking like that. At all.

“Steve, what do you think about a pear tart?”

Steve took a moment hunched over the sink with the back of his hand pressed along his forehead lightly stroking his skull to soothe away the thoughts rolling around in his head. 

“Steve? Where’d you go?”

He swallowed down the rest of his water and jogged back to the couch and in view of the camera on the phone giving it an awkward wave, “I had to get some water, feeling a little hot.”

Bucky was immediately concerned, his soft lips forming a gentle pout and his eyes narrowing just a little, “Are you okay? Do you want me to let you go so you can rest?”

Usually Steve would have said no but right now he really needed an escape feeling overwhelmed and lonely knowing that wasn’t something he needed while Bucky was on the line.

“Maybe I should take a raincheck Buck, it just all hit me at once I’m sorry.”

Bucky smiled, warm and light but Steve could see the disappointment in his eyes; they always gave him away, sad and going a little distant like he was preparing himself so he could avoid getting upset. 

“It’s fine Steve, we can talk another time.”

The guilt Steve suddenly felt was tremendous suddenly wishing he could take it all back and deal with his shitty thoughts later.

“Buck..”

“It’s late, I have another meeting tomorrow morning anyway.” He lied distractedly, glancing to the side of him to rearrange the utensils.

“On a Sunday?”

“It’s a different kind of meeting.”

“Oh, I don’t have to go though if you wanna- ”

Bucky only smiled at him, “Go rest, bye Steve.”

He swallowed hard, not able to say anything that could salvage the call finally just nodding with his lips pursed together, “Goodnight Buck.”

The call ended and Bucky stared at his face in the reflection of the phone for a few minutes before he drew back putting the dirty dishes into the sink and returning all the things he had pulled out back into their respective places and tossing the cupcakes into a large container designed just for the one dessert. He couldn’t help pouting, the call barely going over an hour which meant he still had at least some time before Brock would come back. He got back on the phone sending a text to Johnny asking what he was up to. There was no way he could go out and explore even if he was in the mood and if Brock found out he would throw a fit. Ultimately he was stuck unless he wanted to go bother Yuri and he really didn’t want to go bug the poor guy, there were still times where he had called him drunk for things and he had no idea how those conversations went.

He began hitting all the lights as he moved around, turning the television off and pausing at the self lit liquor cabinet studying the glittering bottles. He opened the glass doors, picking up a bottle of tequila to read it, setting it back down. A bottle of whiskey was standing oddly to one side the seal broken and he realized that must have been Brock. At the back lit up by the white lights under the glass were four bottle of vodka in various flavors, his eyes immediately caught the blue Stoli, picking it up to look at the blueberries on the front and a small smirk curled up at the corner of his mouth. Either someone did their homework or he was just that lucky, breaking the seal to run it under his nose. 

He grabbed himself a tumbler and some ice, serving himself and taking a sip. He smiled, tucking the bottle under his arm and the glass in his hand trekking through the dark and into his bedroom. He set them on his night table, parting the curtains to get a little of the night hue in as well as the lights within the city tucking himself in bed with some music. 

He sorted through text messages in boredom though there was nothing recent except a couple from Jack to Brock since it was his phone and a reply from Johnny sending him a mirror selfie fresh out of the shower and a towel barely draped around his ass and Bucky couldn’t help but snort at him still asking for a dick pic. He decided a text was in order.

_**Bucky:**_ I said never.  
_**Asshole:**_ I miss your cock.

Bucky wasn’t sure whether he should roll his eyes or not, he’s met his life quota on rolling his eyes during texts from Johnny, taking another sip after sending him a shrug emote. It was already funny that he hadn’t changed his name from asshole yet on his own phone and added it on Brock’s as well to be consistent.

_**Asshole:**_ You should come back and fuck me.  
_**Asshole:**_ Or you could call, I could totally get off on your voice.  
_**Asshole:**_ Buck you can’t leave a man hanging, I’m stuck at home waiting for my sister to get back.

Bucky smirked, pressing the edge of the glass against his bottom lip in thought, quickly typing that he was busy. He was..sort of, and curious to see what Johnny would do about it. 

_**Asshole:**_ That sucks. I could give you a play by play if you like cuz I’m already getting hard thinking about you reading these anyway.

Bucky tried not to laugh, chewing at his lip in thought.

_**Bucky:**_ Go for it.  
_**Asshole:**_ I’m just in those black basketball shorts with the red stripe you like. I’m getting out the lube.  
_**Asshole:**_ I want your fingers or even better, I want your cock.  
_**Asshole:**_ Jesus Buck why aren’t you here right now??  
_**Asshole:**_ Buy me a new dildo from Germany.

Bucky almost choked on his vodka, coughing a little. It wasn’t any better a minute or so later, a new text arriving in the form of a selfie Johnny took already three fingers deep in himself. 

“Jesus.”

He was surprised Storm had the ability to type so well still or even bothering to text. Bucky could feel the heat rise in his cheeks, laughing helplessly as he set the glass back down so he didn’t drop it even if it was only left with ice. 

He’d be bullshitting himself if he didn’t like the picture at least a little, tugging his t-shirt off, the phone chiming off again. He checked to see another picture of a dick shot he never asked for but accepted anyway. Wetting his lips, Bucky held the camera back squinting a little at the flash doing a decent impression of a badass squinty shirtless guy selfie or whatever the kids these days called it. Sending it off and the response was almost instant.

_**Asshole:**_ You're such a liar, you're in bed and not touching yourself???  
_**Asshole:**_ I wanna suck your cock.  
_**Asshole:**_ Your body. You should get more of those clothes off.  
_**Asshole:**_ Buck please?

Bucky closed the last message and pressed the phone to his forehead with a sigh; fully hard and ready to go, he didn’t know why he did this to himself. Sure he was bored but it had been awhile since he resorted to phone sex not that he had a problem with it, he just preferred to be hands on. Then again, he was also house bound and starving for sex that wasn’t just his hand. He pressed the call button and only had to wait for one ring before Johnny answered.

"Mmm Buck," he drawled out sweetly. "I knew you couldn’t say no to me."

Bucky rolled his eyes, leaning against the pillows pushed against the headboard and pouring himself out a new drink, “I had been trying to ignore you until you sent me the pictures.”

He laughed, lofty and free, the sound of him moving like he was falling back, “You’re the one taking shirtless selfies.”

“What about the shower one? You sent that to me while I _could_ have been in a meeting, good thing I wasn’t. Sometimes I wonder about you..”

"Oh yeah? Am I naked when you do because I’m getting there right now."

Bucky huffed in annoyance, “Not what I meant, you’re ridiculous.”

“And you love it.”

"Not usually." He shot back, it was a lie and Johnny knew it.

"How about like right now?" Johnny asked, his breath catching in his throat at the end of his inquiry. "When I’m laying out on my bed, the one you know very well and I’m so hard it hurts, wishing you were here?"

Bucky could only groan, sinking down deeper against the pillows as he shoved his sweats and boxers down to his thighs, one of these days he was going to get back at Storm for being a complete cock tease, today was not one of those days.

"Is that clothing I hear? Are you taking yourself out?” Johnny singsonged. “You have a gorgeous cock you know, I ever tell you that?"

"Always." Bucky muttered out as he ran his palm down his stomach and finally wrapped his fingers around the base as his eyes fluttered shut.

Johnny snorted, “Well, you do. Nice and thick and you make me feel so full when you’re fucking me.” He groaned, his breathing beginning to go unsteady. 

Bucky opened his eyes, drawing them towards the ceiling and stroking himself languidly, imagining Johnny laid out on his bed flushed faced and naked just for him.

"Open yourself up for me," Bucky sighed out, twisting his hand at the head and holding back from making too much noise. "Just like your picture."

There was a sound of the cap of lube popping open, "God Buck, _ohh_ Buck. I wish you were doing it to me instead. Love when you’re sliding your fingers into me."

Bucky’s heart rate jumped, his eyes squeezing closed, “Me too..”

He bit down hard at the corner of his lip at the image of Johnny prepping himself, his long dexterous fingers deep in his tight hole while his body squirmed against the sheets. 

“Three fingers.” He ordered.

Johnny moaned louder, breath shaky and stuttering, “Anything Buck, anything you want.”

Bucky listened to him move around on the bed a little and his heavy breathing hitched picturing what he was doing to himself. 

“Still wish it was you doing this.”

Bucky continued leisurely stroking himself listening to the sound of wet fingers, “Fuck yourself on them like those times you prep yourself for me, getting your tight little ass ready for my cock..”

Bucky was never really used to talking so much like this, he didn’t hate it, it was just different especially over the phone. Johnny was usually the one talking and begging but he found himself liking it especially when he heard a loud groan breaking through the soft noises, ragged moans climbing higher the longer he was fucking himself.

“Your fingers feel so much better Buck..but _ohh_ this is good too..” 

"Oh, I bet," He smirked tempted to tell him to get on camera for him but he shelved it for a next time listening to the small whimpers and tiny sounds that sounded like he was in pain, a sharp sudden cry telling him exactly what his friend found.

“Don’t hold back Jo, you know how much I wanna hear you.” 

Johnny whined into the command, panting louder with pitched high moans, Bucky’s hand stroking himself faster trying to match himself up with the slick sounds he was listening to wishing he could see him right then even though he had an ample amount of Storm locked away in his memories. 

“Touch yourself.”

Bucky couldn’t stop himself from groaning out when he heard skin stroking skin with what was already going on, imagining Johnny’s flushed face staring up at him desperately, lips bitten and bruised sleek with saliva.

They soon lost the need to speak, conversation abated off into heavy pants and moans as they pushed themselves closer to orgasm.

“Buck, I’m close,” Johnny’s voice hitched, a strangled noise escaping, “I’m gonna- ”

Bucky growled out, cutting him off, “I want you to cum right now, I wanna fucking hear _everything_.”

Johnny could barely hold himself back for Bucky to finish what he was saying, crying out and all Bucky could picture was the way Johnny would press into him when he came and do anything he could to cling tightly to him; desperate to be close for as long as Bucky would allow it, body trembling and taut when it tore through his body, the feel of his hand wrapped around Johnny’s hard cock as he came all over his hand and the sheets. 

It didn’t take too long for Bucky to get pushed over the edge, cumming all over himself with a groan and continuing to stroke himself through his orgasm his ears still locked to the soft sounds Johnny was making after his. Content and satisfied.

It was silent again for a long bit, only their breathing coming across the air as it began to slow down, Bucky blindly finding his t-shirt to wipe his hand, his muscles feeling heavy and lazy enjoying the perfect high he had.

“When do you come back again?”

Bucky opened his eyes not sure how long it had been since either of them spoke, half dozing but not entirely sure, he looked around in thought, “About two weeks.”

Johnny made a sound like he had an idea, mildly piquing Bucky’s interest, “I may have a surprise for you before you get back if I can arrange it but I’m pretty sure it won’t be an issue. In either case I hope you wanna have a marathon of sex because I’d clear my week for you.”

Bucky couldn’t help the laughter that burst out of him, “Only a week? What about longer?”

“Oh, that can be arranged too Mr. Barnes.” Johnny purred out.

He grunted, “Quit that, you know that crap gets me going when you do it.”

“I know, it’s why I do it.”

Bucky crinkled his nose, “I’m not in the mood to go another round, I’m comfortable laying in bed right now even if I have to clean up.”

Johnny lowered his voice, low and husky, “If I was there I’d clean you up with my mouth.”

“Fuck off, I swear you’re never not horny.” Bucky let out with a grin. 

“Where’s the fun in that?”

“Who knows, I’m going to get off the call though, Brock should be back soon. Remember not to send anything else on this phone it’s not mine and Brock will punch your lights out if you send him a dick pic.”

“Got it, later Buck.”

  
Bucky got off the phone, stretching his muscles warily before he got himself off the bed to clean up, a little over two hours past since Brock had left and he knew the time wasn’t always accurate but he wanted to stay up and make sure he was coming back okay. Back in bed he scrolled through messages while he drank from the Stoli receiving one last message from Johnny about doing that again sometime. He wasn’t exactly sure when he started dozing off.

The phone sitting on the night table rang, Bucky not in any state for anything but he answered it anyway, nestled in his blankets and his bottle of vodka against his ribs, “Yes?”

“Mr. Barnes? It is Yuri, I am calling from the front desk. Sir there is a woman here, says she has business with you. She said you would feel better knowing Mr. Susilovic gave her his card as proof and it is his card, it also has his private personal number on the back of it.”

Sighing out softly, Bucky wasn’t entirely sure what a woman wanted at one in the morning that he could offer but he conceded, “Fine, send her up.”

He pulled himself out of bed when there was a knock at the door, lights still out and a soft sheen of rain beginning to decorate across the windows. He was changed into a new pair of sweats but didn’t bother with a t-shirt unlocking and pulling the door open, almost having a laugh. 

“If this is a strippergram, you should probably reschedule for when I’m in a better mood.”

She smiled, “Hello Mr. Barnes, My name is Svetlana. Your father sent me.” Her voice soft and smooth laced with a Russian accent.

Bucky only frowned, “Of course he did. He’s so thoughtful like that. Come in.”

She entered, wheeling a small black carry on behind her and he closed the door again, gesturing to the couch before she nodded for him to have a seat, “No lights?”

“I was in the bedroom, I prefer the dark when I’m comfortable in it.”

Bucky leaned back against the couch taking another swig from the bottle in his hand watching her stand before him in a long white rain coat and black ankle strap heels. She raised her chin a little as she glanced at him, teasing the corner of her lip, strands of her silky brown hair falling along her shoulder.

There was an awkward silence between the two of them and Bucky wasn’t really sure what to make of the scene, he was all too familiar with the image of a beautiful girl in a long coat and sexy shoes.

“Usually men are pawing to get the coat off me by now.”

Bucky smirked, studying her face, “I’m not most men.”

She straightened up with her brow raised like she was meeting a challenge, undoing the belt around her waist to open it up and let it fall to the ground standing tall and proud in a black lacy bra and panties, a garter belt around her waist, clipped to dark stockings.

Bucky only took another sip, a gesture of a hand like he was wondering what he was supposed to do about that sight. He watched Svetlana rest her hands on her hips, not taking an ounce of offense to his reaction, “Would you prefer blond, Mr. Barnes?”

He smiled, holding the bottle out, “Among _other_ things. You want a drink?”

She paused, considering her options before leaning forward to take the bottle and he watched her take a long drink handing it back and Bucky only broke out into a grin. She took liberties and draped herself sideways on his lap and Bucky didn’t protest, resting an arm loosely around her waist as she put one around his neck.

“So, you like blonds. Should I get my wig or would that be more trouble?”

“I think it would be more trouble unless I’m blindfolded, then maybe.”

He ran his palm along her soft back, enjoying the feel of her skin watching her shrug, “That can be arranged, I can be very good with blindfolds but I’m sure you prefer if I gained a man’s physique and sounded like one when you pleasured me then maybe it might be a good time for you.”

“I’m sure you cost enough to put a down payment on a home but I should ask, you’re discreet?”

“Very. Signed a contract prior to your arrival to be of use to you at any time day or night as well as Mr. Brock Rumlow if you so choose to share. You never contacted when you arrived so I decided after a bit it was time to pay a visit and introduce myself. Perhaps because the press already ask about you.”

She ran her fingers through his hair as she spoke and it felt nice, his head tilting slightly to her soft touch.

“Of course they got me you for my stay..” 

He drank down some more vodka, slightly irritated to have someone thrust onto him like that.

Svetlana gently took the bottle, her icy blue eyes watching him to gauge his reaction, setting it on the coffee table before them. 

“If you want, I could bring a man for you sometime when you would like. On the house of course, the package is for anything you desire Mr. Barnes and that includes your sexual preference. No one has to know that part of it though.”

Bucky nodding aimlessly, lost in the fingers stroking his hair, eyes slipping closed. It was quiet for a moment before a gasp slipped out, hand pulling away to examine his wrist, wrangling his other arm out from behind her looking at his bruises, “These look fresh and _not_ during time in bed.”

She hovered her fingers over the indentations and thumb marks and he nodded with a shrug, “Last night. Someone trying to get handsy with me at a party.”

“ _Bozhe moi_..” She murmured softly, a thumb grazing down the center of his wrist and Bucky shivered feeling the sensation crawl up his spine, tugging back his hand as he flushed furiously. 

“I’m..sensitive there.”

She smiled apologetically at him, “I am sorry.”

He shook his head, “You didn’t know. It’s okay.”

Looking around quietly in the dark, Bucky watched her take in the place. His hand returned to lightly press it along the small of her back, his thumb gently feeling out how soft she felt. She turned to smile at him, drawing in a deep breath.

“You have a very gentle touch, it is nice.”

He hummed in appreciation, “You’re here for two more weeks?”

She nodded, hand returning to stroke strands of his hair and he automatically tilted his head to it, “I will leave you my card but I am on call for you whenever you need or for Mr. Rumlow..he lives here, correct?”

Bucky nodded, “Yeah, but he’s out right now doing..something.”

She uncrossed her legs, climbing off him with a smile, “I was informed of _that_ as well. Will you show me around here?”

Bucky got up, a little glad she did when she did. He was weak for someone stroking his hair and he supposed she figured that out pretty quick though he still felt a little awkward about the whole set up of his father arranging an escort for him. On principle he shouldn’t even touch her, didn’t help that she was walking around in lingerie. He laughed to himself, leading her towards the kitchen.

“What is making you laugh?”

“Me. This. Everything I guess. My parents are weird.”

He showed her around not really sure why she seemed to be enjoying herself or better yet why he seemed to feel so comfortable around her if he ignored the whole hiring someone thing, even with them both being half naked and not in his bed already. They stopped at his bedroom and like a kid she threw herself backwards onto it, turning over onto her stomach with her knees bent up so her ankles crossed above her reaching to play with his docked music player and Bucky’s eyes immediately went to her perfect ass, shaking his head and letting it fall back against the wall with a thud. 

She looked over, catching his eye when he finally opened his own and tilted her head for him to lay beside her, “It is not against the law to look Mr. Barnes. I am here for anything you like.”

Bucky dropped onto the bed beside her, laying out on his tummy watching her sift through his much too large playlist of songs randomly putting some on then moving to another tilting her head one way if she liked it, then the other if she didn’t.

“I dunno, I feel awkward. I shouldn’t, I know what you’re here for, you know what you’re here for yet here I am feeling like a dirty old man because I’ve been staring at your entire body for awhile.”

“I take it as a compliment.”

Bucky smiled, burying his face in his arms and she continued looking through his playlist, a hand returned to his hair stroking it softly, he couldn’t help involuntarily stretching out like a cat and letting out a soft hum. 

“You like this?” 

He nodded, suddenly raising his head up apologetically, “I’m sorry, I’m..I don’t know. I barely know you and I’m laying in bed with you, not that it’s stopped me before you’re just _different_.” 

“I have to have a way where I make everyone comfortable or else I would have no job.”

He turned, tapping a finger to his bottom lip, “On second thought, maybe a guest would be something interesting.”

She turned on her side, her attention completely on him all of a sudden eyes full of curiosity, “What would you like, blond I know. Top, bottom, switch? Kinks? Body type? Nationality or race?”

Raising a brow in surprise he only assumed it would only be a question or top or bottom, “You _are_ thorough.”

“It is my job to be. I have many high end clients with many tastes, you only make money if they are happy Mr. Barnes.”

He nodded slightly, smiling in amusement, “You can call me Bucky.”

“Bucky? That is a different name, I like it. You prefer that all the time?”

“Yes.”

“As you like then it is more easy going than Mr. Barnes. You are too young to be called Mister anything.”

“If you don’t mind me asking, how old are you?”

She smiled coyly, “Usually I would say a lady does not tell you her age but it is twenty six. Now, what would you like Bucky?”

Bucky thought for a second, “Blond, about my age, as tall or taller, built, nice ass, muscular, doesn’t have to be overly I just prefer some muscles I’m not into twink on twink kinda stuff unless I’m in the mood to pick someone up myself. I’m already small but they definitely have to be explicitly bottom, no switch no tops. None what so ever. Bottom has to be submissive, not in a bdsm way just willing to do what I want since I’m not into power bottoms or shit like that. It’s very specific that they leave me with the control or I’ll have to throw them out, it’s my bottom line. I don’t have kinks, I just have a mild need to bruise and bite so they have to be alright with that. I don’t have a choking thing but I hold their neck or throat at times, it’s not a deal breaker if you can’t find a person with a need to receive a small bit. Needy, vocal is a plus.”

Svetlana giggled and he paused, a faint color coming up on his cheeks, “What?”

She raised her hand apologetically, shaking her head, “It is nothing. You are just, very specific on what you like, it is both very refreshing and very hard at once.”

The blush came out harder and Bucky bit his lip nervously, “Am I going on too long, I’m sorry. I’m generally laid back about everything but this. You really don’t have to look for any of this, I’m fine with you and me or nothing. Really confused right now or maybe a little drunk. I’m not completely gay, I mean I am sorta, probably just bi or something, I never really labeled myself, guys though..I love guys but breasts, breasts are awesome too. Maybe when I’m drunk I get kinda bargain basement about it but I get blow jobs from girls from time to time and like watching them do it, I can put a bag on my head if you wanna have sex you know?”

She burst out laughing and Bucky followed after her with a small nervous chuckle, easing the anxiety he was gaining lost over why he felt so awkward around her, rambling about God knows what, a hand lightly hitting his chest, “You are so..very cute.”

He beamed, “You’re beautiful.”

Reaching over with long red fingernails, she cupped his cheek, placing a light chaste kiss on his lips. Bucky smiled shyly, chewing on the inside of his cheek as she drew back. They both turned to the sound of the front door, footsteps walking through the entryway.

“Bucky?”

“In the bedroom, Brock.”

Svetlana sat up on the bed, crossing one stocking’ed leg over the other not at all worried about a stranger spying her in her lingerie and Bucky joined her sliding to sit at the edge of the bed, scratching his bare shoulder. Rumlow finally peeked his head in, “Hey, I just wanted to see if- ”

He froze looking from Bucky’s face to Svetlana and then back to Bucky, his brows furrowing in obvious confusion.

Bucky drew in a breath, gesturing to her, “This is Svetlana.”

She gave a small wave with a wiggle of her fingers, “Hello Mr. Rumlow.”

A wave of very minor expressions washed over Brock, clearing his throat softly, “Hi.”

Bucky attempted to bite back a chirp of laughter but he failed miserably, gesturing with his hand to get Brock to step into the room, clasping at his arm when he was close enough giving him a pull to sit him in between them on the bed.

“Svetlana here is my temporary girlfriend. Dad thought it would be a great idea to buy me an escort while I was here, no doubt at the urgency of my mother because you know that’s how you fix people that are a little too gay compared to slightly gay or whatever impression she has.”

Everything suddenly clicked into place for Brock and he groaned, “They actually hired a woman for you?"

He raised a hand apologetically to Svetlana, “No offense Darlin’ but.. _Jesus Christ_. They want you to fuck out your sexual preference or somethin’? That’s sick.”

His best friend could only shrug back helplessly, “She’s for you too, if you want her for..you know, no offense from me either Svet but as gorgeous as you are I don’t think I could because of why you were here for in the first place. At first I was going to say to just enjoy being paid for nothing but if I don’t go out with you in public I’ll probably get into more trouble. Plus she’s really a sweetheart Rummy.”

Brock folded his arms over his chest with a small frown watching her get up, still lounging about in what she came in wearing.

“You do not have to feel uncomfortable, I am here for work and I plan to do my job. As Bucky has stated, I am here for your sexual pleasure and needs if you so desire that from me. In public I keep to his side and play the part of a temporary girlfriend, hold his hand, cuddle and adore him not that that is very hard to do.”

Bucky shied away, trying to hide the dumb smile moving across his face.

“Behind closed doors I am whatever you or he sees fit, I am aware he prefers men to women so we were having a conversation about perhaps bringing someone with me next time I visit.”

“Hmm, let me guess, blond, blue eyes and muscular, am I close?" Brock let out eyeing Bucky with a disapproving look, who looked away innocently.

“Anyway, I’m gonna take a shower and you,” Brock pulled himself off the bed, turning to look at their new partner in crime, “We’re gonna be having a talk when I’m done, yeah? Maybe if you could put somethin’ else on over that number that would be great. I can’t be talkin’ with a pair of distractions looking at me.”

They both watched Brock saunter off and Svetlana smiled, “I like him.”

Bucky smirked, dropping back on the bed, “I think he likes you too. He’s going to make sure you’re not crazy and then he’s a puppy.”

She fell back beside him, resting her hands on her stomach, turning to look over at him, “I am very good with puppies.”

He snorted, glancing up at the ceiling quietly. Svetlana followed his gaze, poking his side softly, “Are you going to tell me why you are here in the first place if I am here because your parents, how did Mr. Rumlow say it? Want you to fuck out your sexual preference?”

Bucky shrugged not sure if he should elaborate, she _was_ under his father’s dime, not his. He was so great at misjudging people, he ended up liking characters who only ended up hurting him for it and he was already interested in this woman beside him. He got into so many problems opening himself up to the wrong people, he didn’t know if this was another bait, except for the fact that his father probably assumed she was just a tool to be used and not anything else since he was too much of a snob to rely on someone in Svetlana’s profession to do his dirty work.

He shrugged to himself feeling her eyes on him watching him carefully. She didn’t reach out to touch him, she only waited patiently and Bucky liked that.

“I’m a fill in for my parents because they can’t make an important quarterly earnings report meeting even though, let’s face it, I have no clue what I’m paying attention to. Here I am, stuck for almost a month at least it’s with one of my best friends.”

Svetlana folded her arm under the side of her head lightly tracing her finger against the blanket underneath them, “So you got yourself into trouble did you not?”

He smirked, tucking his arms under his head while he glanced over, “How’d you guess?”

She shrugged back, “No one misses something that important unless there is a reason and if you have no interest then you are being forced to and that long, no you are in trouble.”

Bucky nodded solemnly, staring at the moulding around the ceiling edges, “Answer me something.”

“Yes?”

He glanced at her carefully, “How come you were so professional when you came here and first spoke to me and now you have kind of a bubbly cute thing going on a little bit.”

“I am comfortable,” It was said with such simplicity, one shoulder giving out a shrug as she smiled at him, “I am expected to be professional, in control but really I like to have fun, let my hair to be loose. I feel like I can do that around you so I did not try to keep acting like I am all put together. I will in public but you are so very sweet and I can see you like to goof around, I know you would not mind if I am myself like when I am with my friends.”

Her answer made Bucky grin, he admired her honesty contemplating her words in silence.

“So tell me, if you like.”

He didn’t look over, his throat suddenly feeling tight and and his chest feeling heavy. He wasn’t going to cry, especially not in front of someone he just met; he cleared his throat quickly rubbing a hand against the top of his head.

“I, um, I just like the wrong person to put it simply.”

“ _He_ must be very important if they sent you away for punishment.”

Bucky rolled to his side, looking at her timidly, “He’s important for a different reason, his _boyfriend_ is the important one in my parents eyes.”

“Oh,” She pressed a hand against his chest and it startled him a little, her gaze gentle, “I am sorry.”

He nodded, “Yeah, me too.”

They talked a little while she put on something over her outfit that was less distracting; when did she move to Germany, when did Bucky move to the United States, she asked him to talk in Romanian to her and they shared words in Russian. She asked a little about Steve and he couldn’t help momentarily slip out and wax poetic about him. He liked when she nudged his arm or touched his hand and he knew he should always be cautious around new people but he liked her, she was warm and seemed so accepting and didn’t push, only leaving everything to simple questions that only seemed to make her curious in him as a person. 

Brock poked his head in to find them talking on the bed, his head tilting to the sitting room and Svetlana immediately got to her feet, turning to Bucky with a smile, “If it is okay with you, I will see you tomorrow morning, yes?”

Bucky smiled at her, slowly getting himself to sit up, “Yeah, if he’s okay with you I’ll see you tomorrow.”

 

The night wound down after a little bit of waiting and the conversation going on in the other room. Bucky didn’t bother listening in, letting himself go take a quick shower instead needing warm water to soothe him readying himself for some needed sleep.

She took her leave a bit later after he got out, Brock giving his door a knock before sticking his head inside, “She’s comin’ back tomorrow. I can already tell you like her but watch yourself.”

Bucky shot back a look, “You like her too so don’t sass me about it.”

“Maybe Kid, that little lacy number didn’t help either. Goodnight.”

“Night ya big pervert.” 

The door closed, Brock laughing as he headed to his own room.

The distractions worked, at least til about four in the morning hit and Bucky let himself into Brock’s room, climbing into the covers without a noise or a word. Brock stirred when the memory foam mattress made a slight sensation next to him, shifting a little away from the center to give Bucky more room as he laid down beside him.

"What happened?" he murmured out, pulling the brunette’s back into his chest, holding him close his scruff rubbing against the pillow.

"Bad dream, threw up."

Brock opened an eye, raising his head up tiredly, "Where?"

"On the floor, it's okay I called housekeeping already."

He sighed, one tired hand stroking through his hair, "You alright Kid?"

Bucky hesitated, then nodded, "Yeah, I like baking. I think I'll bake more. Brock, will you make me a shake in the morning?"

Every time they were a step forward, emotions pulled Bucky three steps back.

Brock pulled him in tight giving his chest a gentle pat over his heart, "Yeah Baby, I'll make you a shake in the morning. Try to get some sleep now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vrei sa vorbesti cu el? - Do you want to talk to him?  
> Va rog - Please  
> Il mio Patatino - My potato  
> Te amo - I love you  
> Sei la mia vita - You are my life.  
> Bozhe moi - My God
> 
> *Coldplay - Clocks was the song lightly playing in the background.


	19. You really are a magical being that lives off sex and food.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky continues to deal however he can while Steve tries to alleviate the weight on his shoulders.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Chapter 19.pic/gif](http://kalika999.tumblr.com/post/148832894070/hunger-of-the-pine-chapter-19-bucky-continues)
> 
> Warnings:  
> \- Violence.  
> \- Stony smut (top!Steve)  
> \- Winterstorm smut  
> \- Minor (blink and you’ll miss it) inappropriate use of Nutella.  
> \- The smut is seriously just pwp.
> 
> [StarSpangledBucky](http://archiveofourown.org/users/StarSpangledBucky/) I started this story (SUPPOSED TO BE A DRABBLE!) on yours and Seb's b-day and look what happened. I'm glad I didn't chicken out on reading Some Legends because it's one of my faves and I also got to meet you because of it ^_^, Happy Early Birthday. Oh and enjoy some Stony smut. *sunglasses and finger guns* <3 :3

**Mid/Late November, 2015**  
  
  


Bucky pulled a cookie sheet out of the oven, resting it on the cool marble with a laugh at something Steve had said on their video call, watching him pause to listen for a moment. 

Steve finally just shook his head, “Okay, okay are you seriously ignoring the banging echoing from the hall because if I can hear it then obviously so can you.”

A grin spread across his face, transferring the chocolate chip cookies to a cooling rack, “Purposefully ignoring it. They’re loud when they fuck.”

“Brock brought a date home or something?”

Bucky shook his head, glancing down to the bedrooms when the sound was dying down, “She’s my escort for Germany. My dad hired her apparently. You know, in case I want to sleep with a girl because I’m bored or something. Brock’s taking care of that part of the contract.”

“Holy shit.” Was the only thing that came out of Steve’s mouth, too much in shock to say anything else. “Are you serious?”

“That he’s banging Svetlana?”

Steve lowered his voice, “No! That your dad hired a _sex worker_ for you.”

Bucky scrunched his face together, “Are we talking in a church? Why are you lowering your voice when you say sex worker like it’s a big conspiracy? It’s legal here you Dingdong.”

Steve could only huff, “I know it is, you can’t tell me it’s not a little weird.”

Shrugging, Bucky began transferring the cookies to a wire rack, “A little, I got over the shock and she’s nice. Came over to introduce herself in sexy lingerie and a long raincoat, part of me wondered why I didn’t jump on the chance.”

“ _Buck._ ”

He waved his spatula absently, “I know, I’m a horndog this is well documented. No she’s hot I’m sorry but I like her, as a new friend, easy to talk to and stuff. Anyway yeah, she was here last night and then Brock came back home and they had a chat and she left. I guess she came back when I was in the tub this morning because Brock was getting to know her real well and I wanted cookies.”

“You really are a magical being that lives off sex and food.”

Bucky smirked, glancing at the phone, “Would _you_ want a life any other way?”

Steve matched the expression, “If I didn’t have to pay bills yeah.”

“Maybe one day Stevie.”

Opening his mouth to quip back, someone cut him off before he could.

“Someone is baking!” 

Steve saw a striking brunette run up to Bucky wrapped up in a bed sheet that was tucked under her arms, planting a kiss on his cheek prompting him to wince.

“You washed that mouth right?”

She laughed, stealing a cookie with her slender fingers, “Of course I did, what kind of escort am I?”

“A shitty one if you suck his dick and then kiss my face, I love him but no.”

“Fuck you! My dick is great, you’d be so lucky!” Brock yelled from the bedroom and Steve could only shake his head in surprise, a small laugh spilling out of him. 

Svetlana finally noticed Steve, turning her head to the screen on the phone and her eyes lit up, looking at Bucky then at him, “Is this your Steve?”

Bucky opened his mouth to say something but frankly could only manage to do an amazing impression of a gaping fish. 

“Yes, I’m his Steve.” He let out with a grin and he was sure Bucky groaned.

“Oh! I am Svetlana. Bucky, he is so cute, bring him with you next time.”

Bucky could only shake his head, “He’s the reason I’m here, I got in trouble. You know that.”

She nodded with an understanding little pout, giving Bucky’s arm a squeeze before she bent over the counter to be Steve’s eye level, pushing the sheets up a bit to cover some of her ample cleavage, gentle red marks flourishing against her tanned skin. She rested a hand under her chin, smiling at him, “Bucky said you are a painter Steve, would you show me please?”

Brows going up, Steve shuffled off the couch, taking the phone in his hands, “Yeah sure, hold on- ”

He shuffled over to the pieces he had in a row holding the camera at them to show her one at a time with little descriptions of them, Svetlana stopping him at the picture of Bucky in high school, “Bozhe moi, you paint Bucky like he is an angel you know that?”

Bucky’s ears immediately went red, back turned to the call trying to cut small discs of chocolate chip cookie dough on an awaiting cookie sheet acting like he heard nothing. 

Steve beamed, turning around to the newer pieces in their own neat pile, removing a layer of glassine over the first piece, “Now, I still have to finish this one, Buck don’t turn around..”

Bucky raised his hand in acknowledgment and Steve uncovered the piece he was doing in charcoal before Bucky had left and almost dropped the phone at the abrupt squeal of excitement Svetlana let out. Bucky tilted his head curiously, “What did you do Stevie, paint me naked?”

The phone groaned and Svetlana hushed them both, “When did start this one Steven?”

“A few days before Bucky left. I haven’t finished it yet, we were supposed to but we’ll have to wait til he comes back.”

She turned to lightly kick Bucky’s ankle, “He makes you look sweet in one and sexy in another.”

Steve couldn’t help but smile, a blush rolling over his entire body watching Bucky turn and put the cookies into the oven, smirking softly. 

“He tends to make me look better than I should.”

Svetlana frowned, stealing a second cookie as she turned to look at Steve with a wink, “Mm, I do not know about that. I think when he paints he brings out your beauty. You are very good Steve.”

He blushed harder, “Thank you. I’m glad you like them Svetlana.”

“I do, very much.” 

Brock came through the kitchen in tight grey boxer briefs and a cigarette dangling off the corner of his mouth. He passed between the pair, smacking Svetlana hard in the butt just to watch her jump a little, laughing out before he stopped at he fridge, pulling out a bottle of water. Bucky barely caught the numerous scratches down his back, trying not to smirk. He playfully elbowed Svet with a smirk and she only laughed. He picked up a jar and a spoon, leaning beside her while Steve was showing her other pieces.

“Cancel that request I made yesterday.”

She paused to look at him, “The big request with the blond?”

Bucky nodded, “I don’t want it anymore, I’m okay how it is now.”

“If that is what you like Bucky.”

“I do, thanks for offering though.”

Steve waited, having no idea what they were talking about before she turned to smile at him again, “Show me another Steve.”

Brock turned to flick the ashes into an awaiting ashtray, giving Bucky a poke in the ribs as he was trying to spoon another serving of Nutella into his mouth after setting the timer on the oven, “Kiddo, when I say to eat somethin’, I ain’t talking about chocolate spread. What the hell do you put into your body, now I know I can’t say shit about that but the stuff you eat. You’re comin’ with me to work out today.”

Bucky’s face abruptly fell, “Aw Rummy no! I don’t wanna work out, no..please. I don’t like working out it’s gross and makes me tired and I don’t like it.”

Brock pointed at him, turning to look at Svetlana, “You hearing this? _This_ is why I call him a kid, turns completely into a five year old you tell him to do somethin’ he ain’t gonna wanna do. Thinks that shit’s gonna sway me to change my mind.”

“I think it’s a good idea Buck.”

Everyone turned to look at Steve smiling simply on the screen of the phone and Bucky scowled at him, “Shut up Steve.”

 

They left the penthouse after Svetlana left, walking through the gentle glow of the hotel lights in the darkly carpeted hallway.

“So where exactly are you taking me to work out?”

“To the VIP weight room for the pool.”

Bucky dropped his head back, “Gonna make me swim and not run on a treadmill?”

“Mhm, that way you’re workin’ that sugar off that goes straight to your fat ass and you do what you like at the same time.”

Bucky looked over his shoulder, twisting his hips to look at his ass, “It’s not that big.”

His friend gave it a swat, laughing at the glare he got in return, “It’s got a little jiggle to it.”

“I hope you know I hate you so much, anyway my butt looks amazing in tight jeans.”

“Maybe Kiddo but you keep eating fast food and chocolate everythin’ and your ass is gonna get it’s own zip code.”

“Really, _really_ hate you right now.”

An attendant opened the frosted glass door for them, nodding his head, a German accent chasing the greeting, “Good afternooon Mr. Barnes, Mr. Rumlow.”

Bucky looked over, smiling politely as he stole a glance. He wore a starched white uniform of pressed pants and a crisp button down shirt with sky blue eyes that were practically illuminated in contrast and dirty blond hair that was cut neat and swept to the side.

Brock elbowed Bucky lightly, “Focus.”

Bucky made a soft sound of disapproval at his friend before turning to the water suddenly feeling a lot less resistant about working out if this was going to be it.

Taking in a good round of laps, his practice sessions in his head while he swam and really put himself into the swing of things unlike how he usually just waded around at his home pool unless he really needed to vent some stress; he resurfaced grabbing the bars for the ladder, pulling himself forward to climb out. The attendant stepped forward with a stack of towels held out and Bucky caught him checking him out for a split second before looking away.

“Mr. Barnes.”

Bucky couldn’t help the smirk, “Thank you, for both actions. I’ve been feeling kinda low, it’s nice I’m not completely in a shitty situation.”

The male flushed lightly and Brock lifted his sunglasses up, laid out on one of the plush lounge chairs with his phone in hand, “Focus.”

Smiling wide at Brock, Bucky shrugged helplessly, handing the damp towel back, “So much for chatting, you got any friends that are this bossy?”

The attendant took the towel, shifting the clean ones to one hand, a gold nametag revealing the name Gustav and he smiled back in amusement, “Sometimes Sir but none of them are my bodyguard so perhaps he has a good reason to be bossy.”

Bucky paused before he turned back to the pool, “You know too much about the situation Gustav, I need to keep my eye on you.”

He raised a brow in return, “I would hope so Mr. Barnes.”

Barking out an amused laugh, Bucky dove back in the pool trying to shake off the feeling that he really needed to get laid.

 

They exited the limo, Bucky in a fresh suit and tie, doing up one of the buttons on his coat to close it after Brock stepped out before him. In a natural habit he looked around before gesturing Bucky to come out, the street quiet and empty. They had just come from a private dinner, well Bucky did, relieved to get out of there as quickly as they could, boredom written over both their faces.

“Keep the car warm, we’ll be about ten.”

“Yes sir."

The pair of them entered the hotel lobby, receiving a polite nod from the hotel night security who held out a key card before Bucky checked his phone again on the elevator, swiping the card to take it to the twenty third floor.

“Don’t start shit here, Dimitry Sokolov isn’t a big time dealer or anything but he can get us into trouble okay?”

Brock didn’t answer and Bucky turned his head at him, “Brock.”

The male snorted softly, “As long he doesn’t do nothin’ stupid, I ain’t gonna do nothin'.”

Bucky frowned but knew it was the best he was going to get, eventually stepping off the elevator and taking a few steps knocking on the first door they came to.

A slim tall brunette with a short mess of dark hair in a pair of jeans and a white t-shirt with a black sport coat answered the door grinning wide, “Bucky! Come in come in, long time no see! You wanna get high? Stay a little while? It’s my brother Sergey’s birthday we’re having a party tonight!”

Bucky gave him a simple smile, shaking his hand when he held it out allowing him to be led in with an arm draped around his shoulders and Brock pressing his lips together as he followed close, “Not tonight Dimitry I just need about two ounces. We have to go somewhere soon.”

Music played through the entire penthouse, a large handful of guests dancing in the living room or spread around the couch or the outside deck in an infinity pool. Various bottles of liquor sat all over the counters in the kitchen, a dining table at the corner sat with more alcohol and bags of various things Bucky didn’t recognize all of. Someone snorting a line of coke with a girl sitting on his lap nodding to the music as she smoked a cigarette.

Bucky drew in a soft breath, not wanting to be here at all.

Their host dropped his arm, grabbing a beer from a cooler full of them holding it out, “You want a drink? I know you like vodka right? Selik can get a glass for you and your big friend there.”

Bucky declined, “No, we really have to go somewhere.”

“Sure, sure. Okay."

Dimitry gestured for Bucky to follow him to the large dining table, another man sitting there cutting and weighing out, another counting money next to someone else doing a line. Dimitry slumped down into a chair, reaching into a duffel bag with Brock standing closer behind.

“You said two ounces?” He pulled out a couple dimebags of cocaine, “Two ounces won’t help you stay awake, maybe you’d rather this? Looks like you may need it with those dark circles.”

Bucky turned his head to reply seeing Brock’s hand shooting out between them intercepting Dimitry’s, fist closing in tight and firm forcing the man to let out a small gasp of surprise, his arm wrenched away from Bucky’s vicinity. Brock narrowed his eyes, tightening his grip watching Dimitry fall to his knees when he had attempted to stand up from his chair. Everyone immediately stilled around the table while Brock took inventory of a man in the back and another one from the side of him stepping forward but not interrupting them when Dimitry raised his good hand to stop them, wincing in pain. Rumlow continued being unyielding, red blooming across the host’s face as he only squeezed the hand trembling in his grip, sweat rippling along his forehead.

“Don’t ever offer him coke again, just give him the pot or I’ll ram my fist down your throat next time.”

Brock kept the hold and gaze, his hand closing like a vice to make his point, Dimitry finally hitting the floor with his free hand in submission and crying out in pain. Bucky stood close enough over the music to hear bones displacing out of their place with soft pulpy pops, a sick collection of dull snapping sounds.

He urgently pressed a hand on Brock’s arm, “Stop Brock! That’s enough.”

Brock immediately let go, staring down at the man quickly cupping his crushed hand to his chest, grunting in pain as another person knelt down to tend to him.

“Jesus fucking Christ Bucky, where did you find this asshole?!” He clenched his teeth trying to blank out the pain while his eyes swept to look up at Brock, “You’re lucky no one came out and shot you in the head for that bullshit and you fucked up my hand!”

Brock only smiled at him politely and Bucky narrowed his eyes at his friend, hitting his shoulder, “He’s right. You could have gotten us killed, Jesus Christ. I don’t wanna get a drug hit on me while in Germany especially over pot.”

Bucky shook his head in disappointment while Brock only held his head up stubbornly in the belief he did nothing wrong, “How much for the pot Dimitry?”

“Dimitry you’re going to have to go to the hospital.." One of the men helping him up uttered softly, hand getting taped up and Dimitry groaned at the prospect, turning to Bucky and only shook his head.

“On the house I owe you that much for helping out my cousin last time, I just don’t know about you coming back with this fucking gorilla bodyguard."

Bucky pulled out a thick money clip with cash, not even bothering to count it before tossing it down on the table beside two small baggies of pot, “It’s about fifteen and I’m sorry about him, he’s..testy.”

“No shit.”

Bucky couldn’t help but catch the wide evil smirk spreading across Brock’s face, the look of pure satisfaction before it set comfortably to an air of smugness, his head giving a slight jerk towards Dimitry, “Don’t wait too long to get that checked out, dislocated fingers and all.”

Bucky tucked his arm around Brock’s, softly pinching the skin along his inner wrist, leaning in by his ear, “Stop that, let’s fucking go.”

Rumlow only grunted in reply, giving a small nod before he snatched up the pot and they let themselves out; eyes watching them and Bucky could only pray he was getting out of that place in one piece. 

Making their way back to the car random thoughts raced through his head accessing Brock’s growing aggression. He was barely working out and angrier than he usually was, quickly coming to the conclusion that they were both getting hit with a weird sense of cabin fever out here, a sigh escaped under his breath as he closed his eyes lost in the hope that things would get better, that it was just a little longer.

 

Bucky could hear Brock and Svetlana in the next room, well correction, he could hear Brock cursing very loudly in the next room while Svetlana moaned out. He couldn’t help a laugh between pressed lips holding the joint there while he tugged his earbuds from out of the side drawer so he could listen to music in peace. He found his playlist for when he would sculpt and settled in, laying curled up on his side while he stared out the French doors to Mozart, smoking away as he stared at the dark sky, one hand rubbing his bare shoulder idly soothed by the feeling. 

Somewhere in between Vivaldi’s _Winter_ and Tchaikovsky’s _Pathetique_ he felt a warm body climb into bed with him, the scent of verbena filling his nose behind him. He froze, tugging the buds off to roll onto his back, Svetlana smiling at him with damp hair and a pair of black sleep shorts, one of Brock’s tank tops on, a strap barely hanging off one shoulder.

“You scared me,” He drew in a breath, “What are you doing here anyway?”

She wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her head on his shoulder, “Snuggling you!”

Bucky laughed, unplugging the accessory so he could hear the music through his speakers again, “Why? You got a brick wall in the other room.”

“He’s fine and you- ” She softly poked his nose, “Like cuddling. I’m here for you first Bucky. There are other things besides sexual favors I can supply for you if you like. You like being touched, yes?”

He nodded, “If.. only if I like them."

“Do you like me?"

Her blue eyes stared at him carefully and Bucky could see nothing but a gentleness to them. There was nothing sharp and alert like she was when they first met, or when she was discussing business with Brock or himself. She wanted him to feel comfortable and Bucky felt eerily comfortable around her. He nodded again, swallowing gently.

She moved her arms, laying out easily to pull Bucky flush against her side, guiding him slowly to rest his head on her chest just above her breasts, her hand ran down his arm in light delicate strokes easing out any anxiety he had been feeling and just taking a pace that she felt was good for him.

Bucky had to admit, it did feel nice to feel himself pressed against a soft body, fingers soon running and petting through his hair. Svetlana’s touch was intimate going slow so he could stop her if he chose to, instead Bucky moved to reverse their positions letting her rest against his shoulder again. She paused to look at him and he couldn’t help the shrug.

“I wanted to hold you instead, is that..okay?”

“Of course.”

She shifted the entirety of her body against his side and one bare leg draped over his thigh. Freshly showered, she smelled of nothing but soap and lemon verbena. Her lips nuzzled along his bare shoulder, an arm draped over his stomach. Bucky moved his arm against her back, his fingers dancing over the tank top before she moved to tug it up in silent permission. His hand shyly skimmed along her spine and he was rewarded with a hummed sigh, a smile reaching his lips. 

Reaching up to pet the side of his face with the back of her knuckles, Svetlana ran her fingers through his hair again. He couldn’t help the shiver escape him, feeling himself slip away and relax. He whimpered and she didn’t laugh at him for what it was doing to him in his sweats. She only asked if he wanted her to touch him _there_ but he shook his head, just wanting to enjoy the affection. She understood, snuggling in closer careful not to rub her thigh in him and it made him feel less like a science experiment for getting aroused so fast over the simple act of touching. He allowed himself to fully let go, not entirely sure when he fell asleep with nothing to scare him awake.

  


Steve answered the video call to Bucky’s sleepy eyes half open, hair cut short but still attempting to fluff itself about in different directions while he was drowning in feather down pillows and a blanket to his chin. He laid himself out on his side, bare shoulder peeking out at him and Steve told himself not to even think about that.

Distraction got in his way to save him when he saw dark hair behind him and then Svetlana sitting up while she rubbed her eyes. She groaned, muttering something in Russian before climbing out of bed in little shorts and a baggy black tank top, leaving the room. Steve watched Bucky grin after her, turning his head back to the screen.

“You two..?”

Bucky grinned wider, “Nah, she’s an amazing cuddler. I found a replacement for you.”

Steve feigned sadness, okay partial sadness because he was kind of affronted even though he knew he was acting stupid.

“Stevie can you come save me?”

In bed himself, Steve only reclined into his pillows further, setting the phone down on the little stand, rolling onto his side, “From what am I saving you from?”

“A meeting at eight.”

He pretended to think about it, returning to lie back down on his back, tucking both of his arms under his head.

Bucky stared with a sort of bated breath watching his muscles press against his already tight t-shirt as he shifted to get comfortable, biceps flexing, his hips arching up as he moved his ass, clothing just barely revealing his V-cut. If Bucky didn’t know better he would have thought Steve was putting on a little show for him, very innocent very minor but it was still turning him on and the only upside to talking long distance was that there was no way Steve was going to see what kind of interest Bucky had in him right then. 

“Hmm, too bad I’m going to bed soon here, it _is_ after midnight over here.”

“Fine then, whatever Punk.”

Steve couldn’t hold back a smile, blue eyes glancing over at him, “You know I would do anything you need if I could Buck.”

Bucky _really_ needed a distraction.

“So..where’s Sam?”

Steve looked past the phone and towards the bedroom entryway, a distant sound of the bathroom door opening and footsteps before he smiled and glanced back at the camera, “He was in the bathroom but he’s coming back.”

“Oh, I guess I should put my dick back in my pants then.”

“Bucky!”

Sam froze, a towel in his hands, dressed in sweats, “...Am I missing something..?”

Bucky only smiled tiredly, burrowing himself under the blanket as if he was making himself invisible and Sam raised a questionable brow at his best friend. 

Steve rolled his eyes, “Buck has a meeting soon, needs a pep talk to get out of bed.”

A small smile spread across his face, “Oh, I see. Well I’ll watch some television while you two talk and hello Bucky.”

“Hey Sam.”

Flashing one more knowing smirk, Sam let himself out while Steve glared, the door shutting closed behind the man.

“So he’s gone. What’s _really_ wrong?”

Dammit, when did Steve become so perceptive?

“And before you start making an excuse that there isn’t anything wrong, remember it’s me you’re talking to. I kind of have an idea if you’re bothered by something because your feelings give you away since you think I’m the best at handling them.”

He raised a brow, “Oh do they?”

Steve pretended to look smug, breathing out a huff of air across his trimmed nails before rubbing them against his t-shirt as if he was buffing them, “They do.”

Bucky rolled his eyes, propping the phone against another pillow to the side so he could move the blanket off a little and roll out onto his tummy, black sweatpants showing themselves under so much white bedding.

Steve took the chance to look without looking, pretending he was adjusting some phone settings, the camera angled in a way that it caught Bucky’s face and his shoulder but also down his smooth gorgeous back.

Did he just say gorgeous?

Shit.

He watched his friend nestle his chin against his folded arms and stare at him with a soft smile. Steve couldn’t help but smile back, brushing his own bangs out of his face. There wasn’t any way to help himself but stare at his bare skin, remembering the day he drew him in charcoal, the piece he didn’t have a chance to pick up again after the accident and Bucky’s exile. 

“You look nice.”

_What the fuck was he saying?_

Bucky raised his brows in surprise, sleepy eyes blinking a few times, the light above him revealing the blush spreading across his cheeks. 

“Thank you? I think. You look nice in your, uh, pajamas.”

Steve had to laugh, “Don’t bother following up, I don’t know what I’m saying. I just blurted it out, I’m sorry.”

He watched Bucky run his chin against his arm before he shrugged, “I like it. I’m just not used to it, I’m used to other shit or whatever.”

Steve was already too well aware, changing the subject by stretching out and making an obnoxious noise while he did it.

“So what’s wrong. You called me to tell me, didn’t you? I know I’m great and everything but- ”

“You _are_ great.” Bucky cut in and Steve could only smile at him patiently.

Shrugging, Bucky buried his face deeper in his folded arms, “Germany’s been a bad memory for me the past week, I mean what I can remember is probably a better phrase for it.”

Steve settled down against his pillow, pressing a hand against his cheek, “What do you mean?”

Bucky shook his head and shrugged. He didn’t want Steve to get upset, leaving out the thing that happened at the party, “Last time I was here I was usually drunk and I was sleeping with anything and everything. It was so easy, guys if I could sneak around doing it or girls. Sometimes both at the same time, if they were interested I was game. I never had a shortage of potential people lined up, my parents were working and all I did was party and fuck around.”

He paused and rolled his eyes at himself, “Literally.”

Steve smirked, waiting for him to continue.

“I was full on acting out for being taken with them for months. Photographers loved it if they could get a hold of me. There goes hotel heir James Barnes drunk off his ass and barely standing hanging around with other rich kids that were related to famous artists, musicians or whatever. I’m surprised I don’t have kids running around honestly, especially since I’m some really minor celebrity here for some fucked up reason. I’m just me, but they want my picture, they wanna keep track of where I am. Who I’m fucking. How drunk I am. Except it was hard for them because I was usually going to private clubs and VIP parties with people that were supposed friends and knew the owners or were the owners. For three days I was living in a hotel run by a male escort service, that was pretty okay considering. One of the few times I wasn’t so drunk. That was when it really started, the rumors about if I was gay, no one cares back home but everyone has to be in my business here if they can be. When I got back to the United States..obviously I didn’t stop but I’m not as debauched as I used to be. I..ahh, I’m sorry I’m just unloading on you. It’s just hard you know? Saw people that remembered me then, assumed I was the same, but I’m not. I don’t think I am at least.”

Steve clenched his jaw, the hard line deepening there before he decided to say something, icy blues staring seriously into the camera, “You’re not Bucky, you’re not. You’re changed from that.”

“I’m just..I don’t know. I don’t _like_ it here. I got demons here. This is a bad memory and no one I’m close to saw it. I know it won’t happen again, Brock won’t allow it and I’m more than happy to comply to him but it scares me. Everything here scares me, reminds me of bad things. I can’t go past simple shit without some memory or some sliver of an image that pops up or running into people that know me but I have no idea who they are. This girl, _some random girl_ at some stupid coffee shop by the hotel recognized me. I thought it was an act you know? But she just went on and on about shit, this party I do remember, names of a few people that were there that I know, my fucking drug dealer! I don’t even do hard drugs but I have a drug dealer! She was talking like I might wanna sleep with her again, told me stuff about what I liked that _I_ know I like. Shit people shouldn’t know about me, fuck I know I’m not a fuckin’ saint yeah, but Jesus Christ I’m in another country and a girl I have no memory of at all knows exactly how I like to fuck? That’s ridiculous.”

He paused, drawing in a breath, “It was the moment I was glad my dad hired Svet, she was off to the side adding whatever she wanted to her coffee and came in with the whole possessive girlfriend act, arm around me and close interrupting the poor girl just to say I wasn’t on the market anymore for that. It was kinda funny how fast that barista wanted to apologize and get away, it was so easy to say no and yet my brain was frozen in shock on what I did before.”

Steve only stared at him and Bucky prepared for the worse, for Steve to just hang up because he knew how disgusting he was. He got that it was pretty revolting looking at him and wondering how he could fuck blind while there Steve was having a monogamous relationship. He was horrible. He got that. He did.

“Buck, firstly you need to relax. It’s alright to be upset, but it’s going to turn on you and make you feel sick if you keep worrying. I don’t want you to get into a panic over it, I just want Bucky back here, happy and calling me an asshole. Secondly, don’t go out if you don’t have to. I know you like it but if it’s that easy to get a response out of you for something, it’s healthier for you to back away from that. At least make sure Brock is there, I get that he is since he’s your security but I assume he was somewhere else for that conversation, just in reach. Keep him closer, for some reason I feel like it wouldn’t have happened if he was hearing that stuff. You’re all that’s important to him there, he’s not going to let anything upset you. I’m glad you have Svetlana there too, I still can’t believe the reason she _is_ there because that’s so screwed up I can’t fathom it but she does seem nice and really sounds like she’s out to help you under the circumstances.”

Steve inhaled deeply. He wished he could be there, wish he could fly out and see him, just a little while. A couple of days and just tell him how different he was from what he was describing but at least Brock was there and now another person. Brock may want to punch his lights out but Steve was glad he was there with Bucky, he was finally trusting him to keep him sane. He still wasn’t sure about Svetlana but he had to admit he got something off her, sweet and warm, Brock seemed to like her on some level to sleep with her so he assumed he liked her enough to keep her around near Bucky; Steve would take anything that meant Bucky wasn’t going to be unhappy or alienated.

Bucky released a long drag of air he was holding in like he was afraid of something else being said. He dropped his head to one side, pressing his cheek along his forearm staring back at him with pale grey eyes and Steve could only stare at how beautiful he was; even sleepy and tired, lost in worrisome thoughts he looked like art, he didn’t know how he could look so unmarred.

“You’re right. I’ll try. I wish I didn’t have this stupid meeting to go to..”

Steve stared at the soft roll of Bucky’s shoulders, smiling at him gently, “How’s that going anyway? How’s life as a hotelier?”

“Boring. I’m just a mascot. I had to read a speech that was already written for me about how glad I am to be here and I was smiling so much my face hurt. The meetings are partially confusing and boring as hell. At least Mr. Susilovic does all the talking, I just sit there trying not to balance my teaspoon on my nose and Brock’s usually in the back of the room trying not to fall asleep. I know today won’t be any different. Just a lot of numbers and graphs and reports on the business I won’t get but I still feel nervous about this stuff. I feel like I should know it all, like it’s my responsibility.”

Shaking his head, Steve leaned in a little closer, “It’s not. If you don’t want to learn the business of it you don’t have to. No one is going to force you to run a company you have no plans to take over later.”

“Yeah but I don’t have brothers or sisters. It’s kind of all on me.”

Steve turned to look up at the ceiling, “That’s why you own the company but pay someone else to run it.”

Bucky could only shrug helplessly not knowing what to really say. Clint’s words came back to him all of a sudden and he made a soft noise in his throat not sure how to really approach the subject.

“Hey, did you leave elementary school before you finished?”

A look of surprise crossed Steve’s face before he nodded, “Yeah I was about nine or ten something like that, my mom pulled me out. How did you know that?”

Bucky’s eyes shined, lightly bumping his chin against his arm, “You remember a kid, a little bigger than everyone else trying to scare you with dodgeballs during recess? Pretty sure you were attempting to kick his ass a couple times.”

Steve still had that look on his face like he had no idea what Bucky was getting at thinking back while dropping his head and thinking, nodding to him as he scratched his chin, “Yeah..yeah. He was kind of chubby, round face. I never did get to kick his ass or at least try to since I was barely anything back then, one of his friends always pulled him away and dragged him off laughing about it. Probably an asshole too.”

The grin breaking out across Bucky’s face was immediate, “Yeah I guess I coulda been seen as an asshole, I mean you do call me that already anyway.”

“That was you? No way.”

“Yes way, the bully? That was Brock.”

Steve sat up, staring off in thought, “Wow that was Brock? So we’ve kind of known each other for a while then.”

“Yeah, sort of. Guess who reminded me.”

“Clint, it has to be.”

“Yep, the one person that usually wouldn’t.”

Bucky stared at him fondly and Steve could only mimic the gesture aching to reach out and brush Bucky’s short hair even though it wasn’t falling forward anymore. He just wanted some flimsy excuse to touch him, feel him beneath his fingertips, memory reminding him of soft skin and stubble against his palm, or shoulder, light red marks that faded too quickly. He was weak to his daydreams, just watching Bucky peek out at him with his mouth tucked behind his arms almost shy.

The conversation when Bucky was baking came back to him, giving him a fond smile knowing he was nervous about the big meeting, “Tu me manques.”

Bucky seemed to light up at that, blinking in awe, a blush of red brushing along his face, “Je l'aime quand vous parlez Francais.”

Steve smiled, slow and sweet, a shy boyish way as he looked anywhere but at the camera of the phone and Bucky felt his heart melt. He watched him softly chew at his bottom lip tentatively, watching it flush red and bruised, helplessly draping an arm over his eyes to avoid looking at Bucky which tugged his shirt up to reveal a thin strip of skin.

“Je ne parle pas encore tres bien le Francais.”

Shifting his hips, Bucky’s breath caught in his throat, swallowing nervously as he felt just how awkward he got himself, the blush across his face turning a deeper shade of red and glad Steve was still hiding his face in embarrassment. His eyes drifted down along what he could see of Steve’s prone body, laid out on his back and his stomach softly rose and fell as he breathed slowly, smooth skin tauntingly just out of reach. 

Scrubbing his face, Bucky stared at muscles softly shifting against his tight shirt and he was distracted until blue eyes met his curiously and Steve’s arm moved back down. Bucky’s heart beat picked up, staring at him as they kept themselves in a comfortable silence.

Steve wanted to say something, _anything_ but Bucky turned to footsteps and then there was the sound of his door opening and Bucky glancing over his shoulder before Svetlana leaped onto him, straddling his hips while she playfully tickled him. 

“Time to get out of bed sleepy head!”

Bucky bucked and tried to get away from her hands laughing helplessly until he finally managed to grab a hold of them while still pinned on his stomach and Steve couldn’t help the pang of jealousy watching them both. Bucky pushed her off him, climbing out of bed to go wash up, her icy blue eyes turning towards the phone to smile at him, “Hello Steve!”

He forced himself to smile back, he really did want to but there was no mistaking the warmth pressing around his face, “Hey Svetlana.”

It was at that instant Steve really had a moment to think about just how much of an issue this might be back when Bucky was home. He wasn’t sure if he could really feign being okay even if he wanted to, jealousy was something Steve liked saying he didn’t get but he had bouts and issues with it, even if it wasn’t something that ended up exploding in his face. It was never comparable to how openly jealous Tony could be; in comparison he was generally accepting to a lot if he didn’t see something that might be an issue or a problem that would threaten what he had but it was weirdly different with Bucky. It was so _easy_ for Steve to feel it around him and it was obviously bad enough for his friends to notice it. Bucky was open and free to do whatever he wanted and yet the idea made Steve feel like he was full of absolute dread.

  


“What’re you doing over there?” 

Steve glanced up to see Sam coming out from the hallway fixing the button around the wrist of his dress shirt, Steve raised their school yearbook up in his hand, moving back to sit on the couch, “I just wanted to look at pictures.”

His friend crashed down beside him, “You wanted to look at Bucky.”

Making a small tiny noise of confirmation, Steve tilted his head, “Maybe. I was curious to see old pictures.”

“Didn’t you say something about him being on the swim team? You are _so_ looking to see if he’s wearing his swim uniform!”

Red splashed across Steve’s face almost immediately, “T-they don’t even have uniforms!”

“Actually they do, Riley did swim back in grade ten. They had track suits with their last names on the back and school colored speedos with GWH initials on them.” 

Sam snatched the book away with a wicked smirk. He flipped towards the back where the school team pictures were, scouring past groups til he turned the book to show him, “He _is_!”

Steve looked, Bucky standing at the end with a group of boys and girls, hands on his hips and _wet_. His hair was dragged back with probably his hands, goggles draped around his neck and a big goofy grin on his face. 

There was something in his eyes, mischievous and full of excitement. Something about it that gnawed away at Steve, he had seen that grin back in high school especially when Steve himself almost gave away having a hard on for the artist that turned out of be none other than Bucky but compared to now, the smile was there but that light, for the lack of a better word, was replaced with something tired and dull. It was vague but he saw it, he was drawn to it like a need to fix because Bucky deserved that same smile with those eyes that matched in the picture. 

He pushed it away before he ended up pulling himself down again looking over the picture in silence. While all the girls wore bathing suits, the guys wore little cute speedos that sat low on his hips, Bucky’s body toned and thighs seemingly a little more muscular than now but he was still keeping a lot of it and Steve had to take a minute. Bucky was hot as hell and he tried not to think about what he was packing away..

“Someone’s regretting his life choices..” Sam teased as he cut into his thoughts, closing the book with a thud. “Better hide this, your eyes are getting dark.” 

Steve brushed his hair out of his face with a huff, “Go to work and out of my face.”

“Someone’s a little touchy!” 

“I’m not!” He threw a pillow at him, watching him easily duck from it, bouncing off one of the walls.

Steve waited til Sam had locked the door behind him before he pulled himself off the couch and moved to the alcove where he kept his art supplies. Tucked behind a mess of dirty, faded books was one that to the naked eye looked just the same as the rest but had a slight darker smudge to the pages. It was barely discernible to the other dark smudge laden sketch books but it was very specific to Steve nonetheless, gingerly tugging it out from the stack with a pencil already in hand. 

It was the book he drew Bucky in when he was thinking away and doing drawing exercises or staring off just being himself. He drew Bucky the way he saw Bucky every day, immortalized in pencil usually. Fluid lines made it look effortless and the work usually more detailed, even the shading was more lifelike, precise like the work was more of a black and white photograph than a simple sketch.

Sure he had pictures of Bucky in his phone, many of them with Steve, or sleeping in some weird way or humorous poses and situations, but getting Bucky to sit still for a picture without asking and it was like he was trying to ruin it. It only felt embarrassing to ask for him to hold how he was because of the way he positioned himself in a chair or stood by something unless it was for posing and usually he just relied on his memory to reproduce it into his book again. 

All his work in those pages was honest and raw, sometimes Bucky’s hair was a little messed from a short sleep with half lidded eyes and a knuckle at the corner staring out the window at the sky. Sometimes he chewed at his lip, reading a battered paperback with his knees bent up wearing dark shaded socks with white stars. Sometimes he was at the stove, stirring something in a pan with an expression of relaxed awe while he looked up like he was deep in a thought and his mouth was open just a touch in some lost conversation Steve was sure was directed towards him. Sometimes there were only his eyes staring back with wisps of hair, or a hand in multiple positions in precise detail like they were actual hands smoothing out the paper. A few pages near the back hid endless drawings of Bucky’s lips, biting and worrying away, sometimes open just a little, sometimes smiling. 

Steve felt himself moving against the wall and sliding down, hovering his index finger above one on those lips tracing it absently until he was turning the pages to the one picture he dared doing while Bucky was in his vicinity to snatch the book from him and catch all his doodles red handed, pencil and color splashed across the page while he sat at the French cafe bakery looking out the window with his head tilted just so for Steve to catch all the light across his face. Bucky had an ethereal feel to him, completely unsullied and he looked at peace. He could easily see how he felt in his work, so honest and so very bare. 

“Bucky.”

He shut his sketchbook abruptly, hugging it to his chest. There was no one word to explain the emptiness he felt,blankly staring at nothing in specific around his place, no substantial or stable one thing to focus on. His chest ached, phone sitting away at the top of the table across the room. He silently pleaded with it to ring, bargained for the chance to hear Bucky now so he could be selfish and take in the sound of his voice and ground himself. He was desperate enough to call the number back just in case Bucky was with it but he had no idea who’s phone it was; he never asked and for all he knew it was Brock’s and _that_ was definitely not someone he was willing to get on the other side of the call with. There was nothing though, only silence staring back at him and he could only ask for it to give him space.

  


Tony picked up the plates, walking casually towards the kitchen sink with a smile across his face that Steve knew meant more than just a smile.

“So when exactly is Wilson coming back and all that?”

Brow raised, Steve drew a little smirk across his own face, getting up to put the dressing back in the fridge and making room for leftovers, “Why? What’ve you got in mind?”

"I dunno, I just missed your ass," Tony let out, leaning forward to give it a firm squeeze, "This ass."

Tony expected the slight startled reaction while his boyfriend closed the fridge, what he didn’t expect was the low moan. He blinked then grinned and took a step in, brushing his lips along Steve’s ear, giving it a little kiss before he sucked his earlobe between his lips, playing with the bit of skin as Steve sagged slightly, pliantly leaning into Tony, a louder moan escaping out.

He nipped his ear gently to get him back, "Steve? When’s Wilson coming back?"

Steve struggled to think, taking a quick survey of the time and Sam’s timetable meanwhile Tony’s hand slid away only to pet the bulge already growing in his pants with light careful brushes with his fingers.

" _Oh_ , Tony. Making it..uh hard to think, we got..three hours."

“That’s not the only thing that’s hard- ”

“God, shut up.”

He was pretty sure Tony was trying not to laugh, more pressure on his fingers and Steve couldn’t help the jerk of his hips while he whined a little.

"Fuck," Tony muttered out, voice deeper, dropping his head to rest on Steve's shoulder. "Goddamn it, Steve. I don't even know what to do with you. You're just so fucking gorgeous."

Tony finally let the three hour comment sink in, pulling away much to Steve’s dismay, grabbing a handful of his t-shirt to drag him out of the kitchen and towards the bedroom. If that was how much time they had, Tony was sure as hell going to take advantage.

Inside the bedroom he turned just as Steve walked into him and crushed his lips to his, messy and uncoordinated while he felt large strong hands press against the hips of his expensive pressed dark slacks. Tony kissed him just as roughly, turning them to push Steve towards the bed, the back of his knees eventually hitting the frame and they both fell in a heap, breaking their kiss just to breathe in each others space and stare at one another.

“This is probably not good for your ribs or your lung.”

Steve suddenly grinned, dopey and sweet, “I think I’ll live.”

Tony figured he would too but pushed himself up with his hands all the same letting Steve scoot all the way back to the headboard watching Tony take his sweet time between Steve’s legs and getting a curious look. Tony bent his head down, nosing his boyfriend through his sweats getting a solid gasp and some desperate squirming.

"Oh god.." Steve panted out, hands pressed against the blanket covering the bed while Tony settled himself down comfortably on his stomach, illiciting another moan out of Steve. He moved his head, mouthing over the tip of his cock causing Steve to arch for more.

Twisting his fingers into the covers, Steve moaned desperately, “C’mon Tony..”

He looked up at his boyfriend with a wry smirk, “Yes?" 

"Please." Steve begged out not caring how he sounded but he was trying his best to give a stern look with it even though that needy desperation hid nothing. 

For Tony’s part, he managed to hold himself back from giving Steve everything he wanted right then and a little extra because what it was doing to him and his dick was something else entirely. He knew caving would end everything way too fast and he wanted Steve to enjoy things, relish in it. He had something different in mind and he wasn’t sure if Steve was going to be on board with it.

Curiously, Tony looked up at Steve as he rubbed his face along his tenting length staring at blown pupils dusted with thin rings of blue under heavy lidded eyes and perfect lashes. Another desperate moan slipped out and Tony had to smile at him pushing himself up and forward as he balanced his weight to one side and tugged down the offending sweatpants, a brow raised when he saw his boyfriend decided today was a day he wasn’t going to wear any underwear. Steve could only shrug sheepishly and Tony wasn’t dwelling too long about it too focused on his wonderfully hard dick. 

Leaning in, Tony licked along the hardened flesh moaning softly as he did, his eyes flicking back up just to see Steve’s darkening blue eyes locked on him, hands clutching at the sheets frantically. 

“Tony..”

Tony refused to look up again knowing Steve would give him a helpless needy look that he was good at falling for. He pushed on, tugging the sweats down a little more to expose Steve entirely, wrapping his hand around the base as he took him into his mouth listening to Steve groan above him and shift his hips involuntarily. He bobbed and moaned out sweetly around him, glancing up to see plush red lips bitten and worried away with his eyes squeezed shut. Steve continued tugging at the sheets, his other hand bunching his shirt up to play with his nipple.

“ _Tony_ ,” He groaned, his voice rising. “I can’t..”

Tony got the message loud and clear, pulling off Steve’s cock to move up and paw away at his t-shirt, tugging it off him with a careless toss to the side, his hands roaming along hot blushing skin. Steve found his hands cupping around Tony’s ample supply of ass, squeezing and groping him through his pants, pulling him closer to straddle his boyfriend up against him and grind along the material shuddering to the friction.

Tony couldn’t help himself from kissing Steve again, licking all the way from his collarbone and up the column of his throat and to those cherry red lips, kissing him with almost a desperation to it, whimpering when Steve’s dexterous artistic fingers began to stroke the outline of his cock not even bothering to loosen his pants; everyone always felt Steve was a boy scout but all he really was, was a definite tease. 

He slid his palms against Steve’s hardened nipples, pinching and teasing them just as much as his boyfriend was doing to him, exacting out whines and whimpers at the back of Steve’s throat as they continued kissing and Tony was too distracted with exploring every part of Steve’s mouth with the sweep of his tongue. 

Hips ground into each other and hands slid into Tony’s dress pants, Steve massaging his butt and eliciting helpless moans out of him, breaking their kiss to ravage the side of his neck with hickeys and marks.

“Steve..you should,” Losing train of thought, his fingers still pinching and teasing nipples, Tony tried to shake his head and get it together and all that really managed to make it out was, “Fuck me.”

Everything stopped when Steve drew back, looking at Tony carefully to make sure it wasn’t just some babble that Tony didn’t even realize he was saying, a kiss pressed into his facial hair, “Are you sure?”

Neither of them ever offered up the idea though Tony was sure Steve thought about it and so had he. Steve didn’t seem very bent out of shape at the idea of going in and Tony could only nod to him, wiggling his butt playfully against hands still in his pants. 

He flashed a cocky grin, “Wouldn’t have offered if I didn’t mean it now would I?”

Steve only let out a low growl, flipping them over so he was now on top and Tony was nestled on his back and into the pillows with his arms pinned back and over his head, not that he minded one bit. He claimed Tony’s mouth as his own which it was, grinding his hips down and rolling them roughly into the fabric of his pants. All Tony could do was arch his own hips for more friction and moan against their mouths.

Steve drew back to look down at him, his body still rocking into him but his eyes were serious though Tony wished he could say the same, actually he didn’t, he already knew Steve, knew he worried and wanted to make explicitly sure Tony was on board and he loved the man but sometimes..

“Tony..” He started.

“Yes! Very sure. I, Anthony Edward Stark, want Steven Grant Rogers’ dick in my ass posthaste, happy now?”

He could see Steve trying to repress a grin, watching him shake his head to try and hide it.

“You’re ridiculous.” 

He leaned in to kiss him again and all Tony could feel was the love and warmth Steve always had for him, jolting another spark within him that shot through the entirety of his body, Steve’s hands doing that thing he enjoyed, thumbs gently stroking pulse points.

Just as it started, it ended; Tony taking a second to realize Steve stepped off the bed looking at him in confusion til Steve was kicking off his sweatpants and looking at him completely naked with a boyish grin and stroking his cock teasingly that Tony finally got with the program to remove the rest of his own clothing.

Naked as they day he was born and fiddling off his wrist watch, Steve crawled back on the bed slow and methodical and Tony wasn’t sure if he was going to cum just from the sight of his boyfriend looking like a God and that this God was staring down at him like he was going to eat him whole. 

Tony was completely fine with that.

Moving between his legs, Steve moved his large careful artist hands down and began caressing along the sides of Tony’s calves and roved over his body, mapping every inch of his skin like it was mandatory. Practically panting just from the physical touch, Tony’s eyes shut as those hands reached up his thighs loving every time this happened; palms roaming over hipbones and along his stomach, up his chest and to his shoulders until they moved to sweep down his arms. 

“I love you,” Steve barely whispered out, distracted at tending to the body beneath him continuously caressing and rubbing him, dragging his lips along Tony’s blushing skin, placing kisses along the underside of his chin and along his neck. He nosed at the hollow of his throat, another line of kisses drawing along his collarbone and down the middle of his chest, “I need all of you.”

Tony couldn’t say anything, lost and slowly going insane with the way Steve was fawning over him, two fingers coming up to his lips with a soft tap and automatically Tony opened his mouth, licking and sucking on them, tongue coating them with saliva and a faint smirk the moment he heard Steve groan most likely taking in the show.

“Tony, open your eyes.”

When he did, he was met with Steve’s perfect blues staring at him filled with all the love and devotion he always saw when he got lost in them. A hand moved down between his legs and past his cock slowly pressing a finger in, Tony’s eyelids flickering and wanting to close but he forced himself not to sinking into Steve’s gaze as he began to lose all of his resolve.

Tony’s palms pressed against the bed, grasping and tugging at the sheets underneath him, hips bucking and his body quivering as Steve teased him open. All he could muster was soft mumbling moans when he tried to speak out about how good it felt and Steve only smiled at him, patient and sweet. 

Tony almost shouted in protest when Steve drew his finger out, watching him pulled his drawer open and he stopped himself from scolding his boyfriend knowing what he was doing for, lube squeezed out on fingers before he settled back, pushing a second finger in. Tony spasmed and arched when those same fingers found his prostate, shouting out in sudden surprise, a twisted smirk playing against Steve’s lips, watching his eyes darkened exponentially. 

“Oh Fuck Steve, do that again.”

“Do what?” Steve toyed, leaning in to plant a quick chaste kiss against Tony’s lips and drawing away just as his Tony leaned forward for more, that twisted smirk only growing wider and Tony always fell for this, always.

“Rogers,” He warned trying his best to look menacing although he was much too aware that he didn’t, especially when there was a third finger sliding in and Steve looked at him impetuously like he was waiting for a scolding that he already knew he wasn’t going to get. “ _Rogers_.”

“Yes?” Fingers brushed against him again and Tony choked back a sob, squeezing his eyes shut to block out his boyfriend’s stupid smirking face.

“What would you like Tony?”

God, he could _hear_ the smirk in his voice, his stupid damn fucking self righteous smirk.

“I want,” He breath hitched, arching up when Steve hit his prostate again teasingly, forcing a helpless whimper out of him, “Just fuck me right now. _Please_.”

Continuing to work three fingers in, stretching him like he had nothing better to do on a Tuesday afternoon, Tony gripped at Steve’s shoulder desperately, trimmed fingernails scratching at his skin, “Please Steve, please. Now would be a good time to stick it in and shut me up.”

The asshole only chuckled for a second, a kiss planted on his nose, “I doubt it.”

Tony disliked Steve very much right now.

“Steve,” Tony whined, all but writhing in his attempts to get what he needed from Steve's fingers and wholly unable to. "Goddammit, Rogers! Fuck me already! Now!"

Steve chuckled softly under his breath, “Why haven’t we done this more often, that mouth on you..”

Withdrawing his fingers, Tony heard the bottle of lube open again with a soft snap and he knew finally he was going to get some relief. Warm hands braced at his hips and the way Steve slowly pressed into him was nothing like he imagined, the air escaping in surprise while his own hands clutched frantically to Steve’s biceps with his fingers pressing in tight. He couldn’t help the way his mouth went slack and uncharacteristically at a loss for words, Steve filling him perfectly like he was meant to be there, always. 

Steve, for his part, was glistening softly under the natural light of the day, golden hair a darker tint with his perfect chiseled chest breathing unsteadily as he let the both of them adjust for a few seconds in their switched positions. His hips pressed firmly against Tony’s body and taking a moment for himself, dropping his head down against an awaiting shoulder. Tony himself tried to steady his breathing, enjoy it all and memorize the perfect way they were like this, listening to the way Steve collected his breathing against him, _inside_ of him. 

Steve finally pulled himself forward a little to prop himself up, nosing Tony’s cheek lightly before looking at him, eyes half opened and drunk on everything already, “Jesus, forgive me but, _my God_..is it always this..good?”

Tony smirked at him, though he assumed it might not have looked like as a smirk as much as it possibly looked like a crooked smile, wiggling beneath him a little, “You’re forgiven and always..now if you move, it feels _a lot_ better.”

Steve grunted out softly even to the tiny movement and Tony was almost amused over it after his initial feeling of overwhelming sensations. As much of a first as it was for him, it was also for Steve, at least with his dick in a guy in any case and he could see the way he was trying to gather everything up in his head.

“It’s natural, you know. Just rock your hips, like dancing. You do a very good amount of that and your ass looks amazing doing it and I just- ”

"Tony.." Steve said, almost pained.

“Hm? Yes? I’m just trying to help out since you seem to be lost in the sensation of sitting still when that isn’t even half the fun of what you’d get if you moved you know.”

Steve laughed softly, groaning a little as he leaned in to plant a light kiss on Tony’s nose, “Stop talking.”

“I’m just trying to relieve the tension I’m feeling here because you won’t move.”

“ _No_.”

“Alright then, no talking.”

Steve was helpless, only smiling down at him fondly and Tony couldn’t look away. It was in his eyes, perfect lashes framing them and it was every way he looked at him that Tony knew exactly what Steve was saying without him saying it. He was savoring, absorbing because he was happy here with him like Tony was and it was then he realized he had been holding an iron grip on Steve’s arms forever, skin red and promising bruises later even though Steve didn’t seem to notice any of it.

“I love you.” 

“I love you too Tony.” Steve let out, leaning in to plant a kiss on his lips before he finally moved.

"O-oh dear god," Tony blurted out, eyes practically rolling back. “Don’t. _OH_. Steve you stop and..”

Tony grasped harder into Steve’s biceps, his body telling him what he couldn’t get the words to say, mouth hung open as he gasped, “ -Kill you!”

Everything else was a string of incoherent words and noises, his brain losing traction and he may have started drooling, he wasn’t entirely sure on that last one as Steve pulled out almost completely and then rocked back into him his mind scrambling to complain about the emptiness and then falling away at how full he felt.

Tony’s heart was racing, wanting more while Steve kept an achingly slow pace as his forehead misted with sweat already and glassy blue eyes dark while Tony was lost completely in them. It was only for a brief second but something clicked in Steve, a rumble of a growl slipping out and Tony had never heard _that_ before not that he was complaining. It was certainly the opposite of a problem.

“The fuck..?” Was all he could spit out feeling empty when Steve shifted back and he pulled out, hands roughly manhandling him. His legs were pushed up against his chest so far that he was essentially bent in half. 

“God you look good enough to eat all spread out like this.” Steve muttered out distractedly and Tony had no time to react to anything as Steve aligned himself again and pushed in, groaning as he bottomed out. 

Steve drew back out and allowed himself to snap his hips forward, just once, and was rewarded by a throaty groan from Tony. Moaning low, Tony held down again on Steve’s arms, effectively helping his boyfriend cage in his legs,feeling his fingers bite into Steve’s flesh and making him dizzy.

"I could, yeah..didn’t know I could fold like- _yeah Steve_..”

Steve pulled back slowly, until just the tip of his dick was still buried inside of Tony. Without waiting for his boyfriend to react, Steve slammed forward and immediately he knew that he had hit pay dirt. Dull fingernails digging harder and he felt the sting of flesh breaking as Tony arched his back and yelled out a ramble of muddled words.

“Oh God, _Tony_ \- ”

Tony knew the feeling entirely, his eyes trying to stay open but finding it hard to do while Steve kept thrusting into him, his hand making a feeble attempt to get to his own cock but Steve only shook his head in a _not yet_ gesture. 

A strangled sound escaped from his boyfriend losing any sense of control he had while Tony had left the building already, falling victim to perfectly timed thrusts that kept slamming into his prostate over and over without any plans on relenting. 

Tony wasn’t sure if he was ever going to lose this perfect torture, suddenly very aware of Steve’s hand finally wiggling and finding its way between them to wrap firmly around his neglected dick stroking him in perfect time with his thrusts. Arms wrapped around Steve’s neck as tightly as he could not wanting to ever let him go, listening to Steve chant out his name over and over again and feeling himself at that precipice where he wasn’t sure which way was the right one. 

“Tony.. _Tony_..!”

Steve groaned out distractedly, burying his face against Tony’s neck, hot damp breath pressing against flushed sweaty skin tickling Tony down his spine just before Steve came with a hard snap of his hips one last time. He cursed out grinding deep into him with fingers curled tight around Tony’s aching cock and every sensation at once pushed Tony himself off the edge and swallowed him into the abyss.

All he could do was hold on, vision a haze of blurred colors and sensations as Steve continued the roll of his hips into him languidly, both of them riding through the aftershocks as they felt like tiny perfect little pin pricks throughout his entire body, his own hips twitching involuntarily when Steve would absently continue stroking him while they were lost in their own perfect little world.

The overstimulation slowly brought Tony back to reality, making a faint noise of protest as he bat Steve’s hand away lightly quickly feeling his fingers draw away, vaguely paying attention to Steve’s hand wiping against the sheet and then going around his waist.

“Hey,” He felt Steve nuzzle his cheek, “You doing okay?”

Steve shifted a little so he wasn’t completely pressing down on him, nor was Tony practically folded in half, soothingly unfolding his legs out for him, Tony’s arms gripped like a vice around his neck not even allowing room for him to pull out.

“Tony?”

He grunted softly in response, eyes closed with a small lost smile Steve wasn’t sure Tony was aware he was making. He planted a soft kiss on his cheek, nestled between his legs with a playful sigh.

“Just, stay there for a little bit. It’s..nice..”

Steve chuckled, resting his forehead against Tony’s staring at how still and calm he was for once, nodding to him with a fond smile, “Sure baby, anything you want. I love you Tony.”

Tony opened his eyes only to be met once again with the brightest blues he had ever seen before reminding him of the day he met Steve and those damn eyes did the same thing to him then as it was now. A goofy tired smile spreading across his face, “I love you too Steve.”

He was warm and basking, tucked in Steve’s protective arms. He had that way about him, to make Tony feel like he was the only person on earth because that’s how Steve saw things all the time no matter how you felt about your damned self. He made sure to make sure that you knew you were special to him, even if his softening dick was still up your ass while it was happening. The finer details needn’t be mentioned, especially not when it was definitely time for a nap, letting himself quickly settle in for one. He was in some sleepy haze when Steve finally decided it was time to pull out, Tony refusing to let go of his neck as he tried to sleep and he heard Steve chuckle lightly before settling against him. 

They had been laying out in the sheets, Steve draped haphazardly over Tony’s smaller frame for the most part, fingers delicately brushing through his hair as he went in and out of sleep wrapped in the warmth of them together and consumed by a heavy blanket. Tony barely heard the jingle of keys and the front door opening before Sam called out from the living room for Steve. 

“Steve? Where are you? Oh, I see some fancy ass sneakers over here, hi Tony! Are you staying for dinner?!”

Tony let out a laugh, the soft rumble of his chest danced into Steve, a smile spreading sleepily across his face.

“I can’t, bribed Banner with expensive Peruvian coffee to get this time off on top of rearranging my schedule for my date tomorrow! How are you Wilson, you should come join us!”

They heard him shuffle away from the hall, “I’m great and..no thanks also, not to be awkward but you guys did it all backwards.”

Steve snuggled in deeper under the blanket trying to go back to sleep while fingers continued to gently stroke his hair, “Who ever said I was one for doing things in order Wilson?”

 

Steve took a long hot shower after Tony had left and Sam was busy in the kitchen with his phone playing smooth jazz and his hips lightly swaying to the music wearing a blue apron tied around his waist in a bow. 

He let the water take him over, cascading down his body in rivulets, a palm pressed against the smooth tiles to the side and his head bowed with his hair falling down his forehead and brushing over his eyelids. He let the sensation soak into every pore not allowing any ideas roam through his head, lips parted feeling the water trickle down off the tip of his top lip and off down the drain.

He turned his head to the sound of knocking on the door and Sam opening it slightly, “Hey Steve, Bucky’s on the phone. Do you want him to call you back?”

Cursing under his his breath he went through the world’s fastest shower, grabbing at the body wash and pouring way too much over his fingers, a glob of blue shower gel slapping at the tub floor by his foot.

“No, just..shit! Give me five minutes I’m almost done here!”

He simultaneously lathered while rinsing and rubbing his toe into the gel to get it out, washing his hair quickly and almost tripping out when the shower curtain tried to cling to his leg. 

Sam was laughing at something Bucky had said, watching the screen of the phone. Steve gave him a small wave to let him know he was out before making his way to the bedroom to get some clothes on. He didn’t even towel himself down completely, pulling a t-shirt on that clung to him and some clean sweatpants. He ran the towel through his hair a couple times before tossing it over the top of the door to get the phone from Sam as calmly as possible.

His best friend gave him _that_ look and Steve ignored it, taking the phone with a smile, taking off back to his bedroom.

“Hey Buck, how’s it going today?”

Bucky laid himself out on the couch with a grin, “I’m good. Svet took Brock and me to a winter funfair in Hamburg after the long really stupidly boring meeting. The trip was a bit on the train but I had fun, had coasters and all the rides like Coney Island it was just chilly out.”

Steve tugged at the bedsheets, balling them up with the pillowcases to throw into the laundry basket, smiling as he docked him on the bedside table, “Did you hit all the rides?”

“Most, not all.”

He chuckled, rummaging through the closet for a fresh set of linens tossing them onto the bed with a look to the tiny camera lens, “Let me guess, you skipped the wheel.”

Bucky made a noise that sounded like he was surprised but not, “Of course I did. I hate that thing in _any_ country all slow and damn rickety, no!”

“Just admit how afraid of heights you are.”

“You already know I’m a little afraid of heights, maybe I’d go with you around but not by myself.” He sulked out childishly.

Steve had to smile, dropping down on the mattress taking in the small moment with all the want he had in him, “Me too Buck, though why alone?”

“Eh,” He grumbled, “I told those two assholes to go on without me and it’s a good thing I did. I could hear Svet giggling in the car even over all the loud music and people, you’ve heard them in his room, I didn’t wanna know what they were doing in there acting all like horny teenagers.”

Humming gently Bucky drew out a soft huff of air, “Though I was happy too, Brock needs to unwind. I know he’s stressed making sure I’m okay. If someone else helps him cut loose with me that’s great, lightens the load because I know I’m not a ball of sunshine all the time.”

Steve grabbed a pillow to pull a pillowcase over it, his face softening watching Bucky lay out staring out the window, “How are you doing anyway Buck?”

Bucky waved it off with a shrug, nodding a little, “I’m fine, I just can’t wait to get out of here.”

“Me too, counting to days til you can destroy my life again.”

Bucky smirked, “You do that to yourself, I stake no claims. How’s the body?”

Tossing one pillow aside, he stretched out across the bed to get the other leaving it beside him as he ran a hand over his chest like he was giving it a sweep for broken bones.

“Good. I’m on some gentler pain medication and Sam’s really on me to take it on time. Doing light exercises, I can’t push it but just walking gets boring.”

Bucky watched him talking, feeling warm and happy. A calm swept over him, toes poking at the arm of the couch absently, he gestured to the sheets and pillows with his head, “Is that why you’re changing the bed so late, something to do?”

Steve grinned, shaking his head as he put the other pillowcase on, “No, this is just me being polite when your other best friend sleeps in the same bed as you. Tony came over so, you know.”

Bucky tried hard not to cringe, “Got it. Don’t have to say any more.”

“Actually I wanted to ask you something kind of sex related and since you like it so much maybe..”

Bucky didn’t want to, he _really_ didn’t want to get into a sex conversation with Steve while picturing Tony in it with him but he only sighed in defeat staring at his face with a forced smile, “Shoot.”

He watched Steve’s face go a shade of pink, the color spreading down his neck and past his white t-shirt and Bucky would have thought it was adorable if he wasn’t bracing for the conversation at hand. 

“Have you ever, you know..switched stuff up with Johnny or whoever?”

Bucky furrowed his brows in confusion, “What like role play? He called me daddy once, that was really weird but the oddest crap falls out of his mouth when we’re in the middle of it and once- ”

“No! No not like that, daddy? What? Oh my God. Things I didn’t want to know about Johnny Storm, just added another one. Wow. I just. _No_. I meant do you two ever switch positions, like him on top?”

Bucky burst out laughing, rubbing his forehead lightly with the back of his knuckles, “Oh, _that_. No never. It’s one of my things I won’t do and he likes being a bottom bitch..”

He grinned, “And yes, he’s referred to himself that way, I’m not a total dick.”

Bucky paused, eyes narrowing in on Steve, “Wait, are you telling me you gave it to Stark?”

Steve only blushed harder, his hand rubbing the juncture at his neck and shoulder with a rise and fall of his shoulders, “Maybe. I just don’t know if it’s a one time thing and I really liked it. I just don’t know if I should approach it again or _how_ to approach it. We have a date night thing scheduled every Wednesday and- ”

“He _scheduled_ you in, how romantic.” Bucky interrupted dryly.

“Bucky stop. I just, don’t know how to ask.”

A humored look sat on Bucky’s face, “It’s Stark, just tell him. He probably likes when you’re acting dominant, probably gets off on the big bad cave man thing. Just push him down and have your way with him, if he doesn’t wanna shove you off you’re golden. I have a feeling if he wasn’t complaining at all, he’s not going to mind doing it again.”

Steve looked a little worried and to Bucky the expression looked so endearing. He couldn’t believe how hesitant he looked when he was visually seen as a man who could get anything he wanted with no questions asked.

“You think so?”

“Steve, I know so alright? You asked me and I’m answering. Believe me, if he was up for it once and not soured at the end of it, he’ll want it again. You like getting it, right? It probably felt nice to him too. It’s not a crime to like both. Hell you could slow it down and offer a massage for your date night thing, you don’t even need to be good at it. Offer a full body massage and actually give your best efforts into one, he’ll be putty in your hands and when you’re massaging his ass there’s almost a hundred percent chance he’s gonna want more. Trust me, Jo was rubbing my ass before I left and I didn’t want him to stop."

Drawing in a breath, Steve nodded to him as he tried to ignore the picture of Johnny massaging Bucky’s ass, “I’m sure you’re right. I’m acting like I have no idea what I’m doing and it’s really simple. I don’t know why I feel nervous.”

Bucky shrugged helplessly, “I don’t know either, it’s just putting your dick in it. Not hard, no pun intended.”

He succeeded in watching Steve go a darker shade of red and it only made him grin, tilting his head to the knock at the door. He pulled himself up, “I gotta go, Svetlana’s here and probably Yuri.”

“Who’s Yuri?”

“He’s like a personal butler that lives in the hotel. We’re gonna have a threesome.”

Steve looked at him pointedly, eyeing the mischievous glint in Bucky’s eye that he was starting to get better at interpreting which was probably why Bucky started to throw him off again, “Are you joking?”

Bucky got to the door, giving the pair a wave and walking towards the kitchen, “Of course I’m kidding, I don’t debauch every person I run into Steve. I challenged Yuri to a game of chess and someone’s gotta put some class into my escort.”

“I have class, I just do not spend it playing silly board games.”

Yuri coughed into his hand, “Chess is a very strategic game, not silly at all."

Svetlana smiled at him, moving to peek around Bucky’s arm to take the phone and peer through the camera giving a playful wave, “Hi Steven!”

He smiled at her, spying who he assumed was Yuri coming up from behind with a dish of something covered in plastic wrap looking past the phone with a gentle smile obviously at Bucky which give him a weird feeling of rubbing him the wrong way, nope. He didn’t get jealous, of course not.

Steve came back out and crashed on the couch bracing himself for a barrage of teasing but Sam didn’t say a word, too busy humming to himself and cooking dinner. His friend let out a small curse under his breath, dropping the wooden spoon back into the stew pot, "Dammit, I forgot to get some fresh rosemary."

Steve took his eyes off the documentary he was trying to figure out, turning to look at him in the kitchen, "Can't you do without it?"

The look Sam shot back at him was the same exact look he gave him when Steve had muttered that he didn't think carrot cake was all that crazy.

"See, this is why you're a terrible cook, damn Steve. Give me your rewards card, I'm gonna hit that market a block away do you need anything?"

"Nah." He reached for his wallet off the table pulling out a stack of cards from the inside pocket to rifle through them and find the right one, Sam cleaning up a bit and turning to cover the meat he was browning off for the time being. A few business cards fell onto the blanket beside him and Judge Pierce's looked at him from the top of a few, Steve pausing to stare at it for a second remembering his mental note the last time he ran into the guy with Bucky. 

"Hey Sam?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you know someone named Alex or Alexander Pierce?"

He couldn't take his eyes off the card, turning it over, thumb feeling out the light raised pattern along gold lettering. Sam made a small thoughtful sound before he shrugged, "Wasn't he the guy that went missing or something? If my memory about local history isn't screwed up, I think their family is linked with some founding fathers story. I can't be too sure."

Sam shrugged then grinned to himself, wiping down the counter before walking to the door to get his shoes on, "Probably a mob family, you know when in New York right?"

"No, I don't think he's in a mob family.."

Sam raised his head, "Huh?"

Steve hadn't realized he let that one out, slipping the card away before holding up the rewards points card, "Here. Can you get me some more orange juice?"

"Sure thing, don't fall apart without me."

The blond grunted softly in response waiting for the door to close before he dropped his head back, who the hell was Alexander Pierce? A part of him itched to look him up and another part of him was the reason he wasn’t. 

He picked his phone up and contemplated possibilities of what he could find, maybe ask but then Bucky popped into his head and he definitely didn’t want to talk about it. Steve wasn’t sure if he was willing to find out just to do what exactly? It wasn’t like he could turn around and trade information with Bucky and if Bucky found out he was snooping around he would most likely get upset and that was not a risk Steve was willing to take if it meant Bucky skipping out on him again for who knows how long.

He sighed inwardly, staring at the phone one last time before setting it back down on the coffee table. Maybe he would wait, just a little while. It was probably nothing and just some stupid asshole ex that Bucky finally escaped from. At least he hoped that was it.

Leaning against the couch, Steve crossed his legs while drumming his fingers against the couch. What if the guy was a murderer or something and that’s why Bucky didn’t like the guy’s dad? Okay maybe that was a stretch. Millions of questions raced through his head and he had no answers for them. 

Steve picked up the remote control and actively searched for something to watch, swiping a hand through lightly damp hair and trying his best to ignore the phone staring back at him in silence.

  
Bucky slipped himself away into his room when everything was cleaned up and put away, throwing a hand up when Yuri look his leave and Svetlana followed after him.

“Bucky, what is wrong? You have been frowning a lot today.”

He parked himself at the end of the bed and shook his head, dropping it forward when he rested his arms against his thighs, “I don’t know, I just don’t know what I’m going to do back home.”

She sat down beside him her hand immediately pressing against the small of his back, “What do you mean? Are you not excited anymore?”

“Kind of. I just, I wanna see Steve and he wants Tony. He’s always gonna want Tony. I get that but it’s hard to be away from him. I have to though, I have to so I’m just wondering what the point is.”

She shook her head stubbornly, nudging against his side, “No, you cannot be like this. You may not have him but maybe one day something will happen and you will have your chance to be with him. Beside that though, he is your friend and you care about him very much. This is very obvious if you never told anyone and he cares about you very much too. You both belong together, even if it is only friends. He makes you smile Bucky and you have seen the way he smiles when you do. You do not want to be here when you could be beside him again even if it brings you pain, it is more than what you get now. Maybe someone else could make you smile like that one day, but you only smile like that for him right now.”

Bucky only glanced over, not entirely sure how to feel and Svetlana patted his arm lightly.

“You light up, big and so very bright when you talk about him, even to him. Your face cannot hide how much you care.”

She clapped her hands together, grabbing a hold of his arm to give it a gentle shake, “Now, you sit here and I will draw you a bath, dah?”

Bucky frowned, shaking his head, “You don’t have to do that Svet..”

“Nonsense! I want to. Now you get into your little cute bear robe with the tiny adorable ears and wait, I will go fill the tub.”

Svetlana planted a kiss on his forehead and he gave her a grateful smile, holding her hand lightly, “You remind me of Nat.”

She smiled, “I like her, I now have someone to keep an eye on you and tell me that you are being a good boy.”

“You Russians are thick as thieves and I’m never a good boy.”

Lightly punching his shoulder, she only shook her head at him and went to go fill the tub. Bucky sighed to himself, falling back against the bed as he rested his hands on his stomach, it was nice to hear about him and Steve but in the long run he still really had no idea what he was going to do.

 

Steve had his head in Natasha’s lap the next day trying to concentrate on the movie they were watching, killing time while both Sam and Clint had gone to work and he was a little tired from yesterdays romp in the sheets and the over excitement to get in and out of the shower in five minutes or less; her fingers softly stroking his hair, the both of them bundled in blankets with the warm feeling of Lucky over his feet that just completed the odd couch nest. He looked at the news tracker on his phone again and Natasha tsked him. 

The film forgotten, he gingerly rolled over on his back to look up at her, careful not to disturb Lucky, “Do you ever get jealous, like maybe a girl starts getting too close to Clint?”

She lifted her brows, “Is that what’s bothering you? Svetlana?”

He could feel the blush rush to his face, sitting up and shifting to lean his back against the couch, Lucky tiredly shifting closer so he could rest his head on Steve’s crossed legs before going back to sleep.

“I don’t know Nat,” He rubbed the back of his neck, “Bucky video called me and she sleeps in bed with him, he says they cuddle and that’s great I know he needs someone to hold him from time to time then in the same call she just straddles him like she wouldn’t care if he flipped her over and had his way with her.”

Natasha couldn't help the wide smile breaking out and Steve made a face at her with a glare, her hand lifting up in a minor apology, “I’m sorry, but you’re getting jealous over nothing. She’s an escort Steve, she’s paid to make Bucky happy. If cuddling with him makes him happy she’s going to do that, he likes being in her company. We spoke a couple days ago, she’s very nice, really smart and actually very sweet. I like her.”

He nodded warily, “I liked, well _like_ her too it’s just..”

He flipped through the history on his phone showing her pictures of her and Bucky posted up a day ago on some gossip site, her body pressed close to him with his arm protectively around her waist and whispering something in her ear as she smiled with her head tucked down with Brock a couple steps in the frame ahead of them to shoo away paps in their way. There were other dark distant photos of them arm in arm at some private party with Bucky in a suit and her in a demure red wine fishtail dress speaking to other people and some later in the evening of her talking close to his face and a timeline of photos of them kissing with his hand cupping her face. 

Natasha looked at him sympathetically, taking his phone to close the application, “Don’t do that to yourself. They’re acting. James couldn’t care less about cameras as long as he’s not doing something that’s going to get him in trouble. Svetlana is trained to find the cameras, she is in the company of famous people. It’s her job right now to have them catch them in the act and make sure they get published. James Barnes dating a high priced, highly recommended call girl is the equivalent of dating a model over there so they’re playing a part that his parents want him to play. There’s no reason to get jealous and you have a boyfriend that you seem to conveniently forget from time to time. The one you’re madly in love with by the way.”

He groaned audibly, “I know I do and I don’t forget him, I just, it’s not that. I got this green eyed monster thing going on whenever someone’s got Bucky’s attention and I hate it, I can’t help it and I have no right to feel like I own him.”

She stared straight at him in distinct seriousness, “Because you don’t, even if you had him you couldn’t talk like that. He’s not property.”

He agreed wholeheartedly, nodding to her, “You know what I mean Nat.”

She got up to get them something to drink, nodding as she picked up the mugs off the table, “And to your first question, I have and then I show the girl just how scary I can be without anything but a smile. Clint doesn’t even notice someone’s flirting with him, you’d have to hit him with a brick and I don’t know I love that about him.”

Steve smiled after her, in total agreement as he reached a hand down to softly pet Lucky’s fur as he dozed away. She returned a few minutes later with fresh cups of coffee and a plate of pita chips and hummus which Steve’s stomach immediately growled for. He shook his head in apology, feeling his face pink a little while Nat only gestured for him to help himself.

“I love hummus, I keep forgetting that it’s so easy to make at home. I really need to step up on learning to make easy dishes instead of wasting money on the overpriced stuff.”

Natasha bit into a chip, folding her legs in with her coffee resting on her thigh, “Bucky’ll be back soon, he could teach you how to make it. He adores it.”

The thought always escaped him that Bucky could easily be a private teacher for cooking, Sam was also available but Bucky was at his place more often than not. They could make some pretty good nights out of it if he was up for it. His brain began derailing into dangerous territory over accidental hand touching and hips bumping, he quickly stuffed a few pita chips into his mouth trying to see what was going on in the movie.

Natasha glanced over at him, sipping her coffee thoughtfully waiting for Steve to feel her watching him, looking back over at her curiously, "James was the first person I met that didn't tell me I was pretty."

Steve smiled, tilting his head a little after Nat dropped her head forward shrugging like it was a terrible secret she had just admitted. She sat upright after a moment and leaned against him poking his arm gently as she rested her head against his shoulder and he knew just how much she was missing him.

"I know it's stupid, it was just nice at the time, you know? I didn't know English completely, I had a strong accent. I got by but every time someone spoke to me it was ‘you're so pretty’, ‘you're beautiful’, ‘everyone will love you no matter what’. They expected so much and I was very good at whatever I did but I just felt like everyone saw me one way and never got to really know me. I know it was meant to be a positive thing to me but it made me worry a little. Eventually I adapted to it at a young enough age because I think I was seven maybe eight when I got here. I was being taught English anyway so it was easier for me to adjust and everyone loved telling me over and over again how pretty I was. You wanna know what the first thing James said to me was?"

Steve's smile broke into a grin, "I have a feeling I'm going to love this."

She smiled back at him, "He asked if I was going to finish that. My adoptive parents, they had a cook that packed my lunch everyday for school and sometimes I got these celery sticks with smooth peanut butter on them, I don't know, something American I guess and usually I would just set them out but not touch them because it wasn’t something I was interested in. He just came over and looked at them, noticed I wasn’t touching them.”

Steve laughed, "Of course it was something about food."

She laughed alongside with him nodding, "Yes, I didn't like it very much but he loved it. Said he liked the crunch and the peanut butter that was used, I learned he hated raisins that day too because they had them on top and he immediately would pick them off while making a scrunched little face like a kitten, it’s why I call him Kotyonok and his hair too when it grows out more and gets a mind of it’s own.” 

Steve leaned back, thinking about it with a smile, staring up at the ceiling, “Yeah that hair. Guess we won’t see that for a few weeks after he comes back.”

“It grows like a weed, it’ll be back soon. James is attached to his hair.”

Steve laughed hard, pressing a hand to his stomach, trying to nod with her, “He _hates_ wearing a helmet when he’s on my bike!”

She laughed nodding knowingly. As the both of them simmered down, the feelings Steve harbored came back like a roll of a wave and he studied her carefully thinking and wondering if he should say something. The weight sat on his shoulders so heavily he wanted to talk to someone or tell someone that wouldn’t look at him like he was an awful person. Sam was the first person that came to mind but he was too close right now, already fussing and poking at him and checking up on him worriedly, making sure he was doing anything and everything to keep himself together. If he told him about his feelings now, he wasn’t sure if he could deal with wondering if Sam was looking at him and thinking about his feelings while trying to analyze him like a counselor or therapist would or if it was just him observing him for his health and well being. It was silly but he just couldn’t be too sure and he didn’t want to sit and wonder. At least Natasha had all of Bucky’s best interests and he always felt like she was practically reading his mind from time to time. 

Still, he felt unsure about his idea to come clean, “Nat, I don’t know about things..I don’t know.”

“About what Steve?”

Her whole entire body was casually turned to face him, open and ready to take in whatever he was obviously agonizing over.

“Promise you won’t freak out?”

A warm smile spread over her face, “You know how many times Clint _and_ James have said that to me and I never freaked out? Way too many and it started when we were just children. I’m sure what you have to say won’t cause me to freak out.”

Steve wasn’t entirely sure about that, dropping his head a little then glancing up at her hesitantly. She looked at him, half smiling half expressing sympathy, red hair falling past her shoulder and down against her chest.

“I love him Nat.”

The silence in the room was suddenly so thick Steve wondered if he made the right choice. Seconds passed and it felt like an eternity of her staring at him like she was trying to pull out everything from inside his mind, assessing him without that sympathetic smile on her face anymore. Her eyes betrayed a look of hesitation and he swore he saw a little fear in them for a second, though he wasn’t sure.

Steve swallowed thickly, clearing his throat trying to hide the absolute terror he suddenly felt penetrating into every being of him, “Should I um, tell him? I don’t want to tell him, I don’t. I like it how we are or how we’ll be I don’t want to complicate things and- ” 

He stopped talking when she snatched his hand off his thigh, staring at him in disbelief, eyes burning a hole in him and he wasn’t sure if she was angry or upset or just surprised. She pressed her hands around his, “Promise me.”

Steve narrowed his brows, “Promise you what?”

“You won’t tell James. _Ever_. Not if you don’t want anything to change Steve, promise me.”

He frowned trying to withdraw his hand back but she held it firm, “I promise Nat, I swear I won’t tell him.”

“Promise me on your mother.”

“Natasha- ”

“ _Promise me_.”

He stared at her desperate eyes, nodding quickly, softening his gaze and giving up his struggle to get his hand back, “Yeah, okay. I swear on my ma I won’t tell him. I promise.”

She stared at him for a long moment before finally letting go and he didn’t say anything not exactly sure _what_ to say anyway. He supposed it was a natural reaction to everything, there was no point adding fuel and Bucky didn’t need to know he just felt, displaced with the problems he was already taking on. He wasn’t even sure why he told Natasha and yet a little part of him was happy someone knew, bits of it eating away inside trying to hold in something so important.

He chewed at his lip, glancing at her carefully while she was watching the television screen though it was like she wasn’t really paying attention which was possibly true.

“I don’t plan to tell him, I just said it to see if it made sense. From your point of view, you know?”

Green eyes turning to stare at him like she was calculating something, the pinched look on her face dissolved and she agreed with him, “It’s good not to tell him, it would only leave him confused. He’s your friend, it wouldn’t help either of you to complicate it with your feelings of love for him. In a way he already knows you love him, he knows as a friend and you know in your heart he cares like that for you too.”

She paused, lightly touching the back of Steve’s hand, “Do you.. _love him_ , love him?”

Steve shook his head, “I don’t know, I don’t think so. I just love him.” 

The way it rolled off his tongue felt redeeming and triumphant like he found what he was looking for to describe his feelings exactly and it was supposed to give him some kind of peace within him when in reality he felt entirely worse off than before.

  
Bucky stretched out on the couch, laid out on his stomach with one of the decorative pillows tucked under his chin watching some random episode of Chopped, Brock stepping out of the bedroom with a towel around his waist and a mess of hair stuck to his forehead, “Kid, get up and get dressed. We’re going out.”

Bucky grumbled lazily, sitting up on his knees to peek over the couch, “Where?”

“A club, figured you’d want to unwind after two rough days and Svetlana thinks you could use a little fun.”

Now that was something Bucky could do, scrambling off the couch to go take a quick shower and freshen himself up a bit, pulling on some jeans and his leather jacket over a shirt. 

Brock waited out in the kitchen in practically the same outfit except a black t-shirt, a smirk across his face with his arms out in a partial shrug, “Great minds think alike huh?”

Bucky nodded with a grin, turning to get the door when there was a knock, Svetlana waiting at the other side with her arms pressed at either side of the door frame in a hot red low cut ruched club dress barely halfway down her thighs and heels that made her legs go on forever.

He let out a low whistle, “I’m regretting my life decisions looking at you in _that_.”

She grinned, giving his cheek a pinch and pressing a kiss to his other one before pushing past him to look around til she saw Brock sitting on the arm of the couch. He blinked a second as she approached with a sway of her hips and Bucky tried to not laugh at the stupid look Rumlow had on his face. 

She paused with her hands on her shoulders, “You going to dance with me tonight Brock?”

Rumlow brought his hands out, resting them at her hips before pulling himself up and pulling her close, “Anything you want Sweetheart.”

Svetlana smirked, peering into his eyes for a long moment before she turned and tugged his jacket, “Then let us go dance!”

They had no trouble getting in, the club already packed and playing heavy EDM while they were led towards the VIP lounge area to sit on a partial second floor, plush couch seating sat alongside tables that wasn’t really private but the raised floor and a lone guard by the stairs kept away anyone from the public not invited. Servers milled back and forth to refill and take orders in slinky little cocktail dresses and permanent smiles. Other VIP parties were spread out around, not close enough to invade their small space so Bucky didn’t pay much attention, instead he let Svetlana drag him to go dance while Rumlow took the time to case the area and truly make sure it really was somewhere they could relax without someone in their face. 

They both came back after a couple of songs, Bucky picking up a drink Brock had already ordered for him, Svetlana taking a shot of vodka from Bucky as he watched a gaggle of girls in equally slinky dresses rounding towards them; she sat down beside Brock looking at the text he was working on, too busy typing on his phone to pay much attention to the incoming pack.

“Oh here come the girls.”

_The girls_ as Bucky was too intimately knowledgeable about were workers of the clubs that posed as groupies and tried to get you to spend more, the point of the con being the hapless idiot thought the girls were interested which never happened. 

He was soon swarmed by four girls all cooing and touching him sweetly, one with green eyes batted her lashes at him and hugged his arm, “You must be a famous movie star, you are too handsome not to be.”

Bucky gave her a smile, taking a shot from off the table before he shook his head, “Sorry, I’m not. I appreciate the compliment though.”

She pouted, “Oh but you look like you are!”

He grinned, pointing towards his hapless friend, “That’s Brock Rumlow over there, world famous street fighter, my bodyguard for tonight. It was his idea to come and hang out here, throw the money around and be VIP."

Right on cue the other three swarmed Brock, Svetlana trying not to laugh at the offguard look caught on his face as she shifted to the side.

"Oh, are you a bodyguard like Kevin Costner in the movie?"

The main one turned to look at Bucky excitedly, “Is he?"

Brock grinned politely, all teeth and finished off the text with a flash of a glare at Bucky and he tried to hold back a humored smile slinging an arm around the girl’s shoulders, "Of course he is. He's effective in hand to hand combat, guns and he can Macgyver the shit out of anything. He trained with DEVGRU members, SAS, D&D, FPS, everything! He's much more interesting than I am ladies."

Brock gave Bucky a pointed look over all his bullshittery, the girls flocking tighter around him, all scooting around the couch to ask him an abundance of questions while Bucky moved away to get out of dodge, Brock was going to remember this and Bucky was way too amused. He snatched up Svetlana’s hand and they both grinned like kids taking off down the stairs. 

They stopped by the bar, Svet pointed to the DJ, “I want to ask them for some requests, will you be here?”

Bucky nodded, “I need another drink, I’m not going back up there for one.”

She grinned, giving him a wink with a look around like she was waiting for someone, loitering a few minutes before heading towards the stage and he glanced around to where she was looking out of curiosity before giving up and nodding to the bartender with a bill on the bar, "Vodka double on the rocks please."

He nodded his head to the music, picking up one of the business cards scattered along the bar top, flipping it to the other side to read some random phone number someone had left on it. Soon his drink came to him and he smiled appreciatively taking a small sip as he studied the various colored bottles on the shelves along the wall. 

“Even in Germany you drink the same thing, where’s your thirst for some adventure Barnes?"

The enormous pang of familiarity hit him like a ton of bricks, turning around to his other side to see Johnny leaning against the bar next to him wearing a goofy smile with a leather jacket over a grey t-shirt and some blue jeans.

Bucky's eyes widened, "Johnny? How did you..?"

The male grinned wider, "Find you? Brock. He’s been sending me texts since I arrived in town from the train to let me know where I could meet. My mom was coming out here, to Europe. She had to go to Paris for some fashion show or something I don’t even know, I asked her to take me. She didn't want to of course, knew exactly what I planned to do but mother always loved me best no matter how much of a shit I am. Flash her my cute puppy dog eyes and I get anything I want. So how's jail?"

He ordered a beer as Bucky relaxed fully, smiling widely at seeing another familiar face.

"Awful. At least it's the last week, I can't wait to get out of here. Being on my best behavior and pretending is not me.”

"Oh no, best behavior is boring."

Bucky lifted his glass when Johnny’s beer arrived, both of them clinking drinks, "Exactly."

He took a sip, lost in thought turning to really look at Johnny tucking his lips in to give them a lick before relaxing them, “So this was the surprise you were talking about.”

“Yep,” Johnny leaned close, taking advantage of the dark lighting to slide his hand along Bucky’s leg and down the inside of his thigh pressing a soft kiss on his earlobe, “You got me for two days and I think we should spend it in bed.”

Bucky grinned, tilting his head away from the ticklish feeling of hot breath along his skin taking in the way his skin tingled and prickled to his touch, Johnny drawing away before anyone really noticed anything.

An arm snaked around Bucky’s shoulders and Johnny looked over to his other side, Svetlana leaning in to kiss Bucky’s cheek.

“Well hello beautiful. Buck, you’ve been holding out and can I have your number?” He let out a low whistle, looking her over, “ _Geez_.”

Svetlana smiled coyly, putting her hand out, “Svetlana and you are?”

He took her hand, kissing the back of it with a wink, “Johnny Storm, but I can be anything you want me to be Beautiful.”

Bucky snorted out loudly, drinking down the rest of his vodka, “You’re fucking ridiculous and Svet meet my friend with benefits; Jo meet my fake girlfriend and the escort my parents thought I would love to have.”

Johnny raised his brows, “Wow, really?”

Svetlana nodded for Bucky, ordering a Lemon Drop and another round of drinks with some vodka shots, “I need to catch up.”

Pointing at her, Johnny nodded at Bucky, “I like this girl.”

“Don’t even think about it, Brock doesn’t share.” 

“Tits. The one time you don’t, he does. What the hell?”

“You know, I am sitting right here.” Svetlana noted with a smile.

Bucky put his arm around her waist, dropping his head on her shoulder, “If I don’t throw up the notice now he’s probably going to do something stupid like asking you to bed later while he’s drunk and I’ll have to save him.” 

“Now,” Bucky watched a row of ten shots get parked on the bar in front of them, “Let’s get fucked up.”

Way too many rounds at once in, Svetlana had disappeared temporarily, coming back with Brock and a pout of her face, “He does not want to dance with me.”

Johnny dropped his head against her shoulder, peering at her with a crooked smile as he pointed at Bucky, “ _He_ doesn’t want to dance with me either.”

She smiled, poking his nose, “You and I should dance and get them jealous.”

Johnny gasped, Bucky snorting out with an arm draping around Rumlow’s shoulders, slightly heavy lidded eyes looking at the two of them, “There’s a problem with your plan. Neither of us would get jealous. Heck I’m Johnny’s wingman and Brock’s gotta sweet Sasquatch sized boyfriend back home.”

Brock immediately glared at Bucky, pinching his side, “Hey! Jack ain’t my boyfriend.”

Johnny lost himself in a mess of laughter, holding his side as he bowed over the bar top, “The fact that you knew he was talking about Jack, oh my God!”

He shoved at Johnny, “The fact he said Sasquatch gave it away, who else he gonna call that to huh?”

Svetlana fanned the conversation off, tugging at Johnny and Bucky, “I want to dance!”

Brock ordered himself a coke, watching them disappear into the sea of people as a smirk spread across his face while he shook his head. 

It didn’t take very long for the foggy haze of the dance floor surrounded by so many warm bodies and a heavy pounding groove for the three of them to get into the thick of it. Svetlana pressed herself between both males and Bucky pressed his hands along her hips. One of her arms draped around his neck, clutching the back of it firmly staring up at him with a mischievous grin as he grinned back, locked in her gaze moving to the music as her fingers slid into his hair. Johnny pressed up behind her, hands sliding down her sides and along her ribs pausing just above Bucky’s fingers to brush along his, nosing into Svetlana’s hair with his eyes closed as he pressed himself flush against her rolling his hips in sync to the way she moved. 

They danced in distracted unison together, music pulsing through them, faces flushed as Svet brought her free arm up to hook around Johnny’s neck, his hands inching down to run his palms along Bucky’s skin, their eyes meeting and already darkened. Svetlana grasped at Johnny’s elbows, tugging him forward a bit as she arched and swayed to the music, leaning her head back against him and Johnny pulling Bucky in closer to crush her between them. 

Knowing there was the sea of bodies blocking anyone from really seeing, Johnny carefully caressed fingers along Bucky’s skin feeling the goosebumps rise against his arms, the sensation sending small sparks of excitement through Bucky, blue eyes boring into him and Svetlana stroked her fingers along the back of Johnny’s head as she continued dancing and watching Bucky hone in on Johnny’s mouth. 

Jo could only smile, nosing Svetlana’s neck and she tilted her head to the side to give him better access, his hands sliding off Bucky’s arms and onto his hips, stroking down carefully with fingers grazing just at his ass. A playful smile drew up on Johnny’s lips as Bucky slipped his hands under Johnny’s t-shirt and stroked heated skin feeling the way his body moved and shifted to the music, his own body shivering to the touch of Svetlana’s nails scratching against the back of his neck and into his hair. Bucky dropped his head at the opposite side of Svetlana’s neck moaning out, feeling her thigh pressing tight between his legs and encouraging him to grind in, Johnny’s hands squeezing and clutching at his body, sensing his hips doing the same against her ass.

Johnny peppered soft kisses against Svetlana’s neck, lips close to Bucky, aching to kiss his mouth but he didn’t dare, not out in public instead he tilted so he was by his ear, “Buck, want you to take me apart tonight.”

His grip tightened, fingers digging into Bucky’s skin as he groaned out when Svet dropped her head back further to stare up at the ceiling of the club and she arched into him. She tugged a palmful of Bucky’s hair and he almost growled simultaneously pulling Johnny in painfully tighter to keep her unbearably pressed between the both of them as he pressed in and lost the ability to think straight he undulating his hips against both the music and her thigh chasing the friction.

He watched her close her eyes, her chest pushed tight against his feeling out the brush of hard nipples through his thin shirt. He nuzzled against soft skin when he felt a heavy arm drape against his shoulder from the side, Rumlow’s aftershave filling his nose and he looked to his side.

“I don’t wanna be a party pooper but..you know, even with the amount of people an’ how drunk everyone is..”

Bucky frowned and nodded, hands slipping off Johnny and loosening his hold, Svetlana looking at the two of them before she moved to tug Brock’s arm, “Dance with me then?”

Finally giving in, Brock smiled at her and nodded, glancing over at Johnny draping an arm around Bucky’s shoulders as he lightly nudged his friend’s head in playful affection returning back towards the bar.

Back at the bar, Rumlow spent his time occasionally checking on where Bucky was and if his pants were still on and that he wasn’t doing anything to Johnny. The sound of a glass smashing alerted him towards the other side of the counter where it curved moving off his stool to look over seeing an angry male clutching at Johnny’s wrist and yelling something that Brock only assumed was Turkish, spying a girl stepping back from the pair of them in worry with two hefty bodyguards stepping over. For Johnny’s credit, he was more trying to hold his hands up in the universal sign of not wanting any trouble, smiling at the male sheepishly. He made quick inventory of where Bucky was, still dancing with Svetlana and he was already rolling his eyes at having to get Storm out of another jam like he usually did if he was sniffing around another guy’s girl without realizing it.

Brock swooped in and grinned wide, patting the angry boyfriend on the back and gesturing for some free alcohol, buying up a full bottle of whatever he was drinking and forcing Johnny to pull out one of his credit cards for the bartender. 

“You..are friends with this idiot?”

Flashing a smirk, Rumlow shook his head, “Nah, I gotta watch his stupid dumb ass though. I’m sorry he was hittin’ on your girl, he’s a lil stupid.”

The other male grinned wide, nodding in satisfaction, “Alright, but if I see him again near her my guards will have a talk with him.”

Brock only nodded, bringing his hands up, “Understood, thank you.”

The alcohol paid for, he yanked Johnny away from them, “C’mon, I ain’t even paid to save your fuckin’ ass Storm, this is what? The fifteenth time?”

Johnny grinned, curling his arm tighter around Rumlow’s neck trying to get his legs to work together holding up two fingers, “I think eighteen."

There was howling and cheering behind him, whirling the both of them around just to see some girls with Svetlana and Bucky, all of them on stage dancing while the DJ played something more upbeat, Bucky twirling around Svetlana in his arms and dipping her with a grin, pulling her back upright to dance with her again. One of the girls tugged at his shirt while she danced behind him and he happily obliged her, tugging it off over his head and tossing it somewhere into the crowd louder cheers. 

Johnny pulled off to watch in eager surprise, still leaning against Rumlow’s arm pumping his fists up in the air cheering with them and Brock shook his head at him, turning to see Bucky working his belt, “Ah shit.”

He stepped forward, accidentally forgetting Johnny was there, watching him lose his balance and hit the floor still laughing about who knows. The brunette looked up at him in befuddled confusion and he hesitated over gathering Johnny back up before he waved him off for a second to go get Bucky down.

“Strip! Strip!”

Rumlow thanked the Gods Bucky was too drunk to work his belt, Svetlana tugging at his arm with a laugh trying to get him to stop even though he was completely fixated on it. Brock rushed up to the front of the partially raised stage to grab Bucky by the jean leg, jerking him towards him enough to get him to stumble forward and off. Brock broke his fall and pressed him against the stage to straighten him up much to the boo’s of the people around them.

"Unhand me!" Bucky swung his arm around connecting only to air, losing his balance again and Brock swept in quick to catch him before he hit the floor. 

"Come on Kiddo, think it's time to lay off."

“No!” He struggled, “I was stripping for my friends!”

“Nope, no stripping for your apparent friends.” 

He looked at Svetlana, gesturing her to come with them. She was drunk but tolerable to move enough on her own. He crouched down and hoisted Bucky over his shoulder as he tried to wiggle out of his hold, Brock’s hand holding firm to the back of his jeans.

"Unhand my pantaloons vile fiend!"

"The fuck are you goin’ on about?"

The music went on as Bucky tried kicking his feet and punching Brock in the back even though it made no difference, Rumlow making his way out of the crown to look for where he left Johnny, finding him slumped against one of the bar stools nursing his bruised ego with a new drink.

“Johnny!” 

The male looked up, Bucky smiling as he hung off Brock’s shoulder and waved at him; Storm grinned just as wide back, getting off his seat before he tripped and fell forward into Brock’s arms, holding him back up. Bucky grabbed at his t-shirt getting him to stand properly back to his feet.

Johnny gazed up at Bucky beaming at him and he touched his face, “Wow you’re so hot right now.”

“I know,” Bucky made a face, blinking tiredly, “It’s too hot in here.”

“Jesus Christ, we’re goin’ home.” Rumlow muttered with a roll of his eyes grabbing Johnny by the shoulder to steer him towards the exit while Bucky decided it was time to mess Brock’s hair and rub his face into it. Svetlana flanked him at his right side, curling around his arm, resting her head sleepily against his shoulder.

“I’m a walkin’ babysitting service.” Brock muttered to himself.

 

Brock was, for the most part, sober. He had drank one beer while out but that didn’t really do anything for him. There had been no way he was going to drink when Bucky was wasted _especially_ with Johnny drunk, the devil incarnate when it came to encouraging Bucky to throw his judgment out the window. He was pretty proud of himself, watching to make sure the two of them didn’t get too handsy the second was Svetlana. He liked her enough to keep an eye out for her too, especially when drunk guys were getting too close. She was still able to hold her own and Brock liked the way she carried herself, strong enough to be aware of what was around her and she seemed to honestly care about Bucky. Of course Bucky was attached pretty quickly himself to her, always falling for people that were curious about him.

Bucky and Johnny had stumbled into the elevator before him, a mess of giggles bursting out of the car before the doors closed on them and headed up to the penthouse. The doorman kept the door open for him while he helped Svetlana out, soft pink cheeks flushed almost going as red as her lipstick, her hair still perfectly placed and her eyes a little glassy. She threw an arm around his broad shoulders, towering over him in her heels and it momentarily reminded him of Jack standing over him when he was drunk. 

She adjusted to his height with a kiss on his forehead, giggling softly, “I usually don't drink this much."

That was the third time she said that since they left, a small chuckle rolling out of him as he held her tight around the waist and directed her inside giving the night clerk a nod when he grinned like he knew the feeling well. 

The door was left wide open when he got the their floor, locking it up behind him and directing Svetlana to his bedroom watching her fall back on the bed with a laugh, throwing her arms out with a comfortable sigh. He shook his head, slipping her heels off for her, “Get some rest. I'll be on the pull out couch if you need somethin'."

She suddenly pulled herself up with furrowed brows and a pout, “No, you sleep here."

Brock shook his head, “You’re drunk Sweetheart, I know what we got is a contract for anythin’ but I ain’t that kinda guy.”

“Please sleep here.”

He shook his head, “I’ll tell you what, I’ll go check on the kids and you lay down. If you’re up, maybe I’ll lay down but nothin’ else, alright?”

She smiled at him and nodded, pulling herself back into the blanket. Brock shifted through her suitcase to look for something that could be passed off as a nightie or pajamas and all he was pulling out was lingerie and a menagerie of sex toys, “Jesus woman, don’t you keep real clothes?”

She giggled, dropping her head back against the pillows, “Clothes are so restricting.”

“Which is why you’re in the line of work you’re in.”

She moaned happily, raising her hand up lazily, “You do not complain. Check the side zipper.”

Rumlow paused, caught offgaurd at the comment. He grinned, “True.”

He found a light grey tank top and sleep shorts folded up neatly and tucked away in the zipper pocket like she said, bringing them over to rest on top of her stomach, “Change into that before you sleep so you don’t wrinkle up that dress of yours and you’re comfortable, yeah?”

She nodded, shooing him off, “Go check on Bucky.”

His phone had a few messages while they were out, reading a couple while he made it through the hall to grab a few bottles of water from the fridge, tucking them under his arm, "Bucky?" 

Brock scrolled through his phone, typing away a reply to Jack about his night.

"Bedroom."

A small grunt escaped him, fiddling away as he made his way through and peeked in to find Bucky sitting up and laughing mostly hidden under a thick feather down blanket, his head following a second bump under the covers before looking at his best friend, "Hey, did you bring home any dates?"

Brock skimmed the new text with a shake of his head, "Shit you’re drunk, you should know idiot you came home with me."

Johnny stuck his head out, "Really? Damn I would have brought one with us if that was the case."

Bucky laughed again, Johnny staring at him with a stupid grin.

He looked at what Brock was doing, "Who are you texting then? Some secret lover?"

A smirk crossed Brock's face at the message that came in, typing a response. He glanced up at the pair of them pretending to scowl, "Hell no I ain't got no secret lover. Jus' talking to Rollins. I'm headin to bed." 

“Where’s Svet?”

“Oh! Ask her to sleep over here!” 

“Johnny, no.”

Brock looked up, “She’s in my bed probably already sleeping, Storm you keep your ass outta that room or I’ll smack your skull back to New York.”

Johnny blinked drunkenly, raising his hands up like he was about to get arrested, still not completely focused on Brock, “Yes. I get it. No touch.” 

Bucky wrapped his arms around Johnny’s chest from behind, rubbing his face against his bare shoulder, “I’ll touch you though.”

“Aw Buck.” He cooed.

“You’re both fucked up." 

Not waiting for an answer, he slammed the door closed as he left, the distinctive sound of his phone letting him know another message popped up only made the grins of Johnny and Bucky's faces widen.

"You think him and Rollins are a thing?"

"You see it too?"

They broke out in conspiratory giggles, shuffling under the blanket again.

Bucky leaned in, leaving wet sloppy kisses as his hand roamed down Johnny's bare chest, his lack of motor function caused a small amount of trouble for him with his friend's belt and it took a moment but he managed, Johnny’s hands fumbling to tug Bucky’s jeans off. Finally stripped to nothing, hands moved to stop Bucky’s, raising his head to see Johnny smiling at him.

"We don't have to fuck you know."

Bucky blinked, confusion easily sitting across his face, "Isn't that why you came over?"

He grinned, drunken but a peace to it, "A little but you're wasted enough that I don't think you want to. I also know you have a weird time trying to figure out if we're friends when this is all we do, this is probably a moment where I should be your friend and not beg to get pressed into the mattress."

Bucky blinked a few times, his mind slowly processing and turning the words in his head. Heat radiating off their bodies, tucked away from the world under the blanket and it should have kicked something in Bucky, something primal and hungry..except nothing did, well not in _that_ way, what had been hitting him right then was something different, more intimate and he was hungry for it. 

"Jo..?"

Johnny sat before him, running his fingers along Bucky's shoulders, tracing along skin and bone, patient and oddly quiet. 

"Yeah?"

"Will you..just hold me?"

Blue eyes answered him with a gentle gaze, tugging a sheet over their bodies and strong arms wrapped around Bucky as they laid down together with a silent promise that he would whenever Bucky asked or needed it. Bucky curled into Johnny like Johnny would sometimes do to him after some of their more aggressive sessions of sex. He preened to the touch, tucking his face against the crook of his neck, wiggling his nose in deep behind Johnny’s ear inhaling the scent of fading cologne and aftershave with that soft mix of sweat. He was feeling completely warm, the weight of Johnny partially sprawled on him was comfortable, one of his thighs tucked snugly between his friend’s with his pressed between his. It wasn’t too long before he fell asleep, anchored tight to him.

 

Bucky stirred, lost in the soft bed sheets and feather filled pillows. Squirming and lost in dreams of Steve pulling him, coaxing him into roving kisses and desperate touches. The conscientious side of him hated these wet dreams, loathed them because of what it did to his body and it did a number when he was trying to hide it from Steve and how sometimes it made him feel lousy and alone.

Steve moved, the dream version of him, off the couch and slid down between his legs giving him a look of pure lust and want. The greedy parts of Bucky fought hard to keep himself in his dream world, struggling frantically not to wake up, dancing on the line between sleep and waking up. He wanted it too much to care about how he felt after, enjoying bruised red lips planting soft kisses against his hard cock, nuzzling him with reverent need, blue eyes never breaking contact, hot shaky breathes dancing against his balls.

Every time they got this far, Bucky woke up hard and aching. This time though, Steve teased him with his tongue, exploring and licking. His lips wrapping around the head and he could hear the soft needy whines slip from his own mouth, reaching his ears to tell him he was blending into reality. Steve's mouth was hot and wet, eagerly taking him into his mouth and it was so much, too much. That sinking drowning feeling completely consuming him and then he slowly realized, dreams that weren’t dreams and that it was all real, feeling a hot mouth pleasuring him. Sunlight threatening to hurt his eyes, he definitely wasn't dreaming, a form between his legs, his heart was racing as another helpless moan slipped from him. His fingers gripped into the sheets, head raised to look and all he saw in his sleep soaked haze was Steve. Bright blue eyes staring at him, haunting him and it was so good. He didn't care if all he was seeing was him as he struggled to breathe, dropping his head back into the pillows, his fingers clawing at the bed.

" _Steve_.."

He knew he groaned out his name, unabashedly and loud into the air, his hips bucking and his eyes closed tight as he cried out helplessly. There were hands pressed down into his skin, holding him in place as thumbs drew small pressured circles in his hipbones and they continued to work their magic and draw more of him out. 

Bucky was lost in it all, Steve's name weaved into his throes of pleasured moans and cries when suddenly all of it turned into too much and his whole body stiffened as he came, his hips jerking spasmodically. He groaned out, deep and satisfied, melting into the smooth creamy sheets with his fingers slowly unfurling and his mouth slightly hanging open to take in as much oxygen as he could, the layer of sweat covering his body giving him a small chill.

The body between his legs shifted, and dropped down beside him. Bucky's brain running through quicksand and not giving two shits about working things out. He sleepily pulled the blanket over him, whining lightly at the back of his throat as if that would convince his brain to operate but he could smell Johnny's faint cologne. He yawned, more than happy to throw away half a day just to sleep.

And then, reality set in.

"So Steve huh?"

_Fuck._

Bucky opened his eyes, his vision cleared up except for the dots at the corners glancing over at Johnny completely naked and languidly stroking himself, a dreamy content smile across his face as he stared back at him. 

Bucky's face flushed red, "I'm sorry."

He knew he didn't have to apologize, that Johnny wasn't like that, he didn't take things like that badly. He didn't mind but Bucky did. 

Johnny took his hand off himself, pressing his palm against his thigh, he was still smiling, staring up at the ceiling with his free hand tucked behind his head, "You really think you were hiding it? I taught myself to read you Buck and I kinda wondered about it. I'm surprised you held back this long. I know we look like first cousins or something, I'm not mad."

It didn't stop the shame he felt moaning out Steve's name when it was Johnny sucking him off and he only frowned harder. 

"What was that for anyway?" Bucky wondered out, still trying to catch some of his breath, a fuzzy smile across his lips as sleep still hovered around him.

"You're cute and I like your dick. What other reason do I need?"

Bucky smirked for a moment before it faded, guilt still pushing its way through.

“Quit it Barnes, you’re ruining my boner. What would ol’ Steve say- ”

And _that_ was definitely not something Bucky wanted to talk about. He knew Johnny wouldn’t say anything to Steve but he was going to deflect the fact that he knew he had feelings for him for as long as he could, rolling over to his side and into Johnny’s, the action causing the brunette to stop talking.

“Hi.” Was all he blurted out instead.

Bucky smirked at him, “Hi.”

He leaned in and kissed him, playfully tugging on his lip with his teeth letting it go to stare at the flush of red it turned to, one arm tucking under the side of his head, his free hand petting and smoothing out along Johnny’s chest, feeling the beat of his heart pick up. His blue eyes were so bright, tongue wetting his lips in anticipation and Bucky could only stare at him. His thumb brushed along his nipple, already hard as he pinched it gently just to hear him squirm slightly, leaning his body in more, the back of his throat emitting a sound of a whimper.

“Jesus Jo, waking up a guy like that..”

He pushed him back a little to dip his head and trace his opposite nipple with his tongue, grazing his teeth along it, rewarded with a loud whine, Johnny’s hips arching out as he moved into Bucky’s wanting to rub himself against him. Bucky snaked his hand down to continue what Johnny had already been doing, his cock already slick, playing with him in slow aching strokes.

"Oh G- fuck, Bucky, yeah, _there_ , want you in me, I want- God, hnng- want you inside me, want you to fuck me, want you to fuck me til I cum, God yes.. _Buck_.." 

Johnny couldn't help his incessant rambling, his mouth refused to stop and Bucky’s hand kept going thoughtfully listening to his friend carry on begging and whining for everything he wanted Bucky to do to him while his mouth had no filter. All he could do was blame those artists hands of his for having the perfect pressure and touch, Bucky’s teeth claiming marks along his flushed skin.

There was a rap of knocks behind Bucky’s door, “Are you two done fuckin’? I’m getting hungry.”

Bucky tried to withhold a laugh, teeth sinking into skin to do so and in return Johnny yelped in a sort of pleasured pain, scrambling for Bucky and pulling him tight into him seconds before he cried out Bucky’s name with a very loud immoral groan and came between both of their stomachs. Johnny dropped his head forward against Bucky’s shoulder and there was a quiet delay before the chime of an incoming text was heard in the hallway and Brock typing away a message, “You’re both fuckin’ disgustin’, can’t even wait for a man to leave.. _Jesus_.”

Johnny felt the tremble of Bucky’s shoulders, laughing silently into his neck while Brock’s grumbling voice disappeared down the hall and soon enough once Johnny could catch his breath, his laughter followed after him.

Bucky shuffled out of the bedroom with a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt on, food already laid out across the large dining table, Svetlana already sitting down with a plate of fruit with thin blini’s folded over each other topped with a spoon of red jam. She looked up with a smile, adding sugar to her tea wearing one of the hotel robes and her legs crossed which did nothing to make her look demure not that she cared much. 

“Morning Bucky! Morning Johnny!"

Bucky waved, half awake and slightly hung over. Brock held a plate and helped himself to some eggs, Johnny flashing Svetlana a trademark grin following after in with last nights clothes his eyes perking up to the spread as he grabbed a plate.

“Good idea not waiting, I’m starving!” 

He lifted one of the silver dome covers unveiling a stack of waffles keeping warm on a silver salver and he placed three onto his plate, Bucky watching him curiously as he reached for a handful of grapes. Johnny hunkered down on one of the chairs after piling a second plate with bacon, sausage, herb tossed skillet potatoes, seasonal fruit and sunny side up eggs, syrup drowning his waffles as he held a slice of toast between his teeth.

“ _Eat_.” Brock ordered, Bucky turning to catch a glare and he quickly turned away again, forcing himself to take a plate, placing a slice of toast and some bacon on it, stabbing a sausage with one of the forks to toss that onto his plate as well. He picked up a Clementine, peeling it carefully before he ate a few sections knowing Brock wouldn’t be satisfied with only a few bites and he loathed those protein shakes.

Before he could sit, Johnny pulled him onto his lap, “What’re you, on a diet?”

“I’m not hungry.” He muttered back.

Svetlana wiggled closer to Johnny’s chair beside her, holding out a fork with a some blini and some of the jam, “The blini is good, have some Bucky."

Bucky could _smell_ it, recoiling with a furious shake of his head feeling a wave of nausea come over him before Brock tugged her robe to get her to sit back in her chair shaking his head, “He don’t eat strawberry anythin’ he gets sick."

She pouted apologetically, putting her fork down to pet Bucky’s messy hair, “Oh I am sorry, I did not know it makes you sick."

He smiled back at her and nodded, “I know, it’s okay."

Brock had a pair of mugs beside him, rising up to move them over by Johnny and Bucky was instantly in love; steaming hot chocolate with a blatantly much too high ratio of whipped cream on top, a light sprinkle of cocoa to finish it off. He put his fork down and took a mug, timidly taking a sip to test how warm it was while Johnny managed to eat with his right hand, the left arm around his friend’s waist. A pleased moan stirred out of Bucky, taking in another longer sip, savoring the taste. It was so rich but so perfect nonetheless, he almost missed the chuckle from his friend, face shaping an angry pout.

“What?”

“You. You got,” Johnny put his fork down, swiping his thumb along the end of Bucky’s nose to get the cream off. “There.”

Bucky grasped his wrist before he could wipe his hand onto a linen napkin waiting nearby, moving his head up just a bit to lick it off his digit and Storm’s eyes darkened almost immediately.

“Geez Buck, gonna get me all hot before I even finish eating.”

“Oh Christ,” Brock muttered at the end of the table, shoveling his food faster into his mouth. “If you two are gonna go back to fuckin’, I’m goin’ out. I’m already traumatized.”

Svetlana giggled watching them in interest, “I do not know, I would not mind watching them."

“You would you pervert," Rumlow shot back, reaching over to playfully pinch her thigh. “Had them both practically cumming against you on the dance floor last night, you sure as hell didn’t look like you would have minded."

Bucky trapped his bottom lip between his teeth with a wry grin, staring at Johnny for a second before he turned to look at Brock, “Okay, I’m sorry. I’ll be good. We should go out, maybe the museum?”

Groans rang out from both males at either side of him, Johnny dropping his forehead against his shoulder, “Sweets, I know you love that educational art stuff because you can mold clay and bodies but it’s so _boring_ to me. You three should come back to France with me, go to an adult cabaret show and have some good food and drinks.”

“So basically expensive fancy ass finger food and stripper’s who don’t do full frontal,” Brock clarified with a frown before he tilted his head at Svetlana, “Besides, I got my own little stripper right here."

She smacked his hand and everyone laughed.

Johnny pointed at him, “You got a point about the cabaret.”

Rolling his eyes Bucky ate another grape, “It doesn’t matter. I’m not grounded here but I sure as hell won’t be allowed to go to France, especially not with you. Your mom will flip and then tell my mom and then my dad will extend my stay, no fucking thanks.”

  
They ended up entirely somewhere out of everyone’s mind except possibly Bucky’s, Brock looking up in silent appreciation at the large aquarium glass walls before him, sitting on the edge of a tiled lip of a koi pond behind them. Svetlana sat beside him with a simple smile playing at her lips as she sipped away from her take out coffee cup. She glanced at a man trying to avoid a scurry of children running by, crossing her legs as she looked down the dark hall to her left.

“You know, this is the best places to be just to think I believe.”

Bucky sat at her other side, a gentle hum escaping in agreement illuminated by a wash of transcending blue, Johnny beside him drinking his own cup of coffee as he stole a look at him then looked back at the sea life before him.

“You really like this stuff, don’t you? Just like the planetarium and the arcades and the amusement parks.”

Bucky didn’t look over, tilting his head in a little to him, “And you don’t? If I’m boring you we can meet later if you want.”

“Nah, I like where I am,” Johnny grinned, stretching his arms tiredly over his head with a yawn, resting his palm just behind Bucky, his arm tucked close against his back, thumb inconspicuously stroking his butt, “I was just observing.”

Bucky chuckled, grey eyes glancing at him with a smirk, “I bet.”

Svetlana stared at the two with a humored look, pulling herself to her feet and tugging Brock up with her, “Come, let us look at the other fish.”

Brock turned to Bucky then back at her, “But- ”

She hugged his arm, “He’s _fine_ , he’s with Johnny and you can still see them.”

He gave her a sharp look and she could only smile sweetly at him playfully batting long lashes, “You are not so scary you should stop with the many faces.”

Rumlow shook his head, giving in as they made their way through the light stream of people.

Johnny leaned in cupping his hand from any view like he was telling Bucky a secret, nose nuzzling the lobe of his ear, “I did mean it when I said we should spend the day in bed. I could put my mouth all over your c- ”

Bucky knocked the word out of him with a firm elbow to the ribs, causing him to cough in startled surprise. His eyes met Bucky’s, who tilted his head to a mother and child at Johnny’s other side, “There’s _children_ here Jo, watch it.”

Johnny would have felt bad if he didn’t see the flush of red across Bucky’s face, playfully giving his friend’s shoulder a nudge, “Sorry, my mistake. I was thinking about how hungry I am and I can’t wait to eat. I’m starving.”

A soft hum escaped Bucky, arm pressed comfortably against Johnny’s relishing in the feel of his skin, familiar and nice. His fingers pet the outside of Johnny’s thigh through jeans before returning to his own, “Funny, I figured you were hanging around the buffet all this time knowing how much of a pig you are.”

Storm let out a snort, “Look who’s talking, I’ve seen you have a six course meal with me.”

A look of astonishment crossed Bucky’s face, “Okay that was one time, not my thing. Maybe yours..not mine. I prefer one main dish I can devour.”

Bucky heard to soft whine at the back of Johnny’s throat, most of it drowned by the noise of other people except the mother at his other side raised her head for a moment like she didn’t know what she just heard before her daughter distracted her again. Bucky just hoped the darkened aquarium halls disguised the hard on Jo was starting to sport so he wasn’t going to get arrested with some indecency charge. Bucky decided to be a gentleman and toss his leather jacket over the male’s lap just in case, turning to look into the pond behind them filled with koi fish. His dipped his fingers into the water watching them curiously swim up to investigate, a smile peeking at the corner of his mouth.

Johnny stared at him with his stormy blues, “And you? Out of the country for three weeks, haven’t been sampling the goods around here?”

He didn’t look up at him, “I haven’t actually been eating to tell you the truth.”

“Are you serious?" Johnny turned his upper frame to mirror Bucky, looking down at the pond of fish before glancing at him again, “Poor guy, must be starving.”

Bucky laughed, looking at him with a gentle shrug, “I can take care of myself Jo.”

Johnny slipped a hand into the water, tracing Bucky’s fingers slowly, the balls of them roaming up his palm and to the inside of his wrist watching and staring at him with a lost gaze, “And I can feed you Buck.”

The mother moved so abruptly Bucky wasn’t sure whether she was getting what they were saying or if she thought they sounded like vampire role players, whichever it was she swiftly dragged her daughter away and led her to another exhibit without alerting security. Bucky leaned in a little, his hand curling in so there was harder pressure against his skin, feeling his cheeks grow warmer.

“I think that mom thinks we’re a pair of perverts.”

Johnny grinned, “Aren’t we?”

“You are,” Bucky scoffed, “I’m a very distinguished and respectable man of stature. Don’t lump me with you.”

Johnny giggled, outright _giggled_ in amusement, “If I could kiss you right now I would with that flushed guilty face of yours and if you keep talking like we’re in some Victorian era thing I demand a top hat.”

“ _I’ll_ put a top hat on you.” Bucky growled out, pinching Jo’s hand before pulling his own away from nipping fish and a seducing friend.

Johnny grinned, “That doesn’t even make sense.”

“It does to me and that’s all that matters.”

Bucky watched the sharks in the tank again, one of them sitting right beside him smirking and leaning dangerously close, watching him with keen interest, “Oh I’m going to let you fuck my brains out Bucky Barnes. I promise you that much.”

Bucky fought his damnedest not to smile, keeping his eyes fixed on the giant tank in front of him, his lips twitching in a losing battle before he just turned head to look at Johnny, “I’m glad you came.”

“I haven’t yet.”

They both eyed each other in dead silence looking stern and serious before they both burst out laughing.

  
Bucky really should have known better, should have known what was about to happen was going to happen. He still seemed to be surprised that Johnny was as subtle as a brick and if he wanted sex, he was going to get it one way or another.

Not that Bucky was exactly complaining either.

He walked back into his bedroom after a shower to find Johnny completely awake and not napping like he mentioned he just might, laid out in his birthday suit looking lazy and confident basking in the glow of the night lamp. He smiled wider when their eyes met, shifting his leg just slightly letting Bucky take in all of him. 

Bucky couldn’t even hide that he _was_ looking him over. Johnny was sculpted and beautiful, not as muscular as someone like Steve but he wasn’t too far behind and Bucky definitely took his time to look as he always did, enjoying every detail with amusement in his eyes.

He smirked deciding to humor himself, a hand playing with the knot on his hotel robe, “You should touch yourself.”

His friend raised his brow with a tilt of his head like he had heard something pleasantly interesting all of sudden keeping his eyes on Bucky as he wrapped a hand around his cock, stroking himself slow and firm. Bucky watched, lips slightly parted feeling his cheeks warm from not the act itself but the way Johnny stared back at him without an ounce of hesitation, only trust and something so very comparable to unwavering worship.

It was.. _different_ , their relationship as a whole. Unconventional. People saw their roles as something where Bucky ran the show but it was never in the assumed style. Johnny was free to always say no, to stop, hell Bucky always kept the door open for him to say he wasn’t even up to dealing with him and going home with someone else. They were never a _couple_ , even the days when he would spend them with only him. It had never come up to be more. They had this complete and perfect little getaway that they both liked and for Bucky, he appreciated it far more than he let on though he felt Storm already knew, like he was made just for Bucky to be happy with the need to let go without the vulnerability that came with being intimate. One day things might change between them but for a few years they’ve been right where they wanted with each other. For them, that was completely okay.

Stepping forward, Bucky seated himself at the end of the bed, upper body turned to keep watching the show, Johnny’s eyes devouring the sight of him. It made Bucky’s throat go dry.

“What’re you thinking about?”

He stared at the way Johnny’s chest rose slightly higher, breathing picking up, tongue licking his lips, biting them down til they bore a deep red, blue eyes penetrating into him and darkening as he stayed fixated.

“The way you whimper helplessly right by my ear and tighten your hold before you cum in me.”

Bucky couldn’t help the way he burned red, his gaze faltered, his teeth pinching the corner of his lip. He felt a mix of shyness and embarrassment, the heat reaching all the way to his ears. He had his hands resting against his robe covered thighs, gripping the material idly.

He finally met his gaze with Johnny’s again, those blue eyes slowly consumed by lust and Bucky immediately felt the way he wanted more, his own heartbeat rising.

“Spread your legs.”

Johnny could only obey, chewing at his red flushed lips and bending his knees up exposing himself open and vulnerable but gaze never faltering. It pushed something primal in Bucky, an animalistic urge that his friend always tended to pull out of him, a need to control that was upfront but the enjoyment of it was something that was occasionally pushed down and away, the _real_ enjoyment of controlling the person before him. 

Bucky was fascinated over the fact that he made no real noise except for the way he was breathing. Usually he was begging or whining for it, or complimenting but right now it was like he was only waiting til he was told he was allowed to, something that intrigued him. He tilted his head and nodded towards the nightstand knowing he didn’t need to tell him what to do next.

Without even looking Johnny reached over and grabbed the small bottle of lube, a comfortable little smirk across his lips and Bucky could only return the gesture. He flicked his thumb across the lip of the cap, flipping it open to slick his fingers and reached down, hooking two of them inside and starting to fuck himself with them. Bucky had to stop himself from lunging just from that, Johnny’s eyes softened as his face flushed a deep crimson, lips parting with a soft huff of air. His confidence cracked, any sort of control he was trying to keep began to slip away the longer he fucked himself, thighs taut and trembling.

And all Bucky could do was sigh and watch for the moment lost in it, “Look at you, I could watch you like this all day.”

Johnny could only whimper out at the praise not slowing down on his fingers, Bucky’s eyes distracted on the rock of his hips.

Pulling himself entirely onto the bed, Bucky climbing over him and nudging the hand away that was stroking his cock, robe still fastened tight around him. He kissed him slow and deep, trapping Johnny’s aching dick between their bodies and grinding his covered hips, heated pants of air pushing against his mouth feeling Johnny’s body continue to rock to the thrusts of his fingers.

“Undress me.” He mumbled out against Johnny’s mouth, tracing his gasping bottom lip playfully with the tip of his tongue before giving it a gentle nip and tugging it lightly with his teeth, pressing in one more kiss before he was dragging his mouth down the column of his throat and leaving dark marks along his collarbone. 

Johnny desperately whined in frustration to the knot at Bucky’s robe trying to handle it with one hand, the sound of wet slick fingers and shrill moans sat around them. Finally he managed to undo it, batting the offending article of clothing off one shoulder and then the other. Bucky did him a favor and wiggled himself out the rest of the way while his mouth was sucking in another blemish into his perfectly tanned skin.

“Condom.” He muttered out firmly, his hands planted at either side of the bed with Johnny’s hips between them holding himself up while he worked his mouth and rolled his hips sliding against Johnny’s slick cock.

Johnny’s free hand had been roaming down Bucky’s back to explore all of his newly exposed skin, groaning in pleasure and warring over the fact he had to stop but for good reason, blindly reaching along the night table to retrieve a condom and silently thanking whoever had enough brains to arrange getting condoms because he sure didn’t this time, pressing one into Bucky’s chest.

Bucky drew back to look at all the marks starting to show themselves, his eyes moving up to meet Johnny’s, flicking towards the condom, “Be a good boy and stop fucking yourself, you got a job to do.”

Johnny moaned at the order, nodding frantically with half lidded eyes, biting his lip and stealing a kiss before cleaning his hand off on the sheets and scrambling to get the lube out from under the blanket and the condom wrapper torn open. Bucky had no idea why Johnny loved this part, whining and pouting at times about not getting the chance or not being able to watch because he was busy being face first against something. 

Bucky only smiled at him, sitting back his heels; rolling the condom on, Johnny’s eyes fixated on coating him with lube, Bucky’s own eyes fluttering closed to the long smooth tugs. He nudged him to roll over and Johnny moved, swift and streamlined. His perfect body showing itself off but eager to get down to it, arms folding over the pillow with his face buried into them upper body stretched out like a cat with his knees bent and ass in the air. 

Bucky settled between Storm’s legs smoothing his hand down his spine, petting him softly as he coated his stretched hole with more lube just in case receiving an insistent whine over to delay. He only hushed his friend with a sharp smack, his other hand moving to soothingly pet his side.

“Better safe than sorry no matter how much you fingered yourself.”

He finally settled in closer, pressing his frame lightly against Johnny while his hands stroked his back and then moved to hold him at his hips, “You good?”

Johnny turned his head, flushed face nodding quickly and soon a content little moan slipped out as Bucky pushed himself in. He bit down so hard on his lip he was sure he might have broken skin, tight warm heat wrapped around his dick and Bucky fought hard against instinct not to fuck into it selfishly. It had been _three weeks_ and Bucky was lucky he didn’t cum right that second.

He draped himself against the expanse of Johnny’s back feeling him arch his ass up a bit more.

“Hard Buck.”

Bucky chuckled lightly against his friend’s ear, drawing the tip of his tongue along the shell of it, biting it gently, “You always want me to go hard.”

He turned his head to look over his shoulder, a roguish smile across his face, “That’s because I love when you’re fucking me hard.”

Bucky leaned forward, kissing him heatedly before he shifted his hips to stop the slow rock of his hips and started moving faster, thrusting harder into him and fucking him fervently, the wet slap of skin echoing around them in the room.

The reaction was immediate, Johnny dropping his head forward and arching back into Bucky as far as he could, loud moans falling out between parted panting lips, his face flushed scarlet feeling his body jerk forward at every exertion as Bucky slammed into his prostate relentlessly.

“Harder Buck!”

All Bucky could do was keen at the demand, hips snapping forward as he sank himself again and again into Johnny’s body. He couldn’t shake how dizzyingly good it felt to be inside of him after not touching anyone for so long, especially with Johnny under him being so damn loud and never shying away from babbling obscene things.

Choked, whimpered sounds slipped out of Johnny like Bucky hurt him and he could only dig his fingers tighter to his hips. His own soft groans chasing the greedy cries that slowly began melting into desperate ones at the back of his throat.

“Just like that,” Johnny rambled, nosing the pillow, “Oh God you feel so big and hot inside me. Fuck, don’t stop fucking me Bucky _please_..”

Bucky’s mind fogged, Johnny moving a hand back to grip the back of Bucky’s hip the best he could. It was slightly awkward, fingers gripping so hard they bruised his easily marked skin, slipping at times but his dull nails only scratched at him causing Bucky to grind in hard, seemingly only satisfying Jo in getting what he wanted.

“Touch yourself Jo.." Bucky buried his face against the back of Johnny’s neck, biting and bruising at his skin as he continued rutting into him, feeling Johnny’s hand slipping off him to wrap around his neglected aching cock his other keeping him balanced as he eagerly began jerking himself off. 

It felt good to have this, _take this_ whenever he could, ravish the body beneath him without any meaning tied to it. He appreciated and enjoyed pounding hard into this sweat gleaming frame of tight sculpted muscle wrenching a litany of profanity and noises out of him. Bucky loved this. Always.

Bucky’s hand slid up, resting at it’s comfortable place against the front of Johnny’s neck, loose and cuffing him, only his fingers digging lightly at either side of his throat Johnny responding with a tilt of his head to expose his neck more for him.

“Johnny..” Bucky’s lips brushed along the skin behind his friend’s ear, worrying it carefully with his teeth his ego inflating at the way Jo gasped and tightened around his cock, “You gotta cum for me baby..”

And the responsive moan, loud and utterly _filthy_ , had Bucky cumming only a few seconds after Johnny was whether he planned to or not, spilling into the condom with his face firmly pressed into Johnny’s shoulder and easing out of his thrusts.

Both out of breath, Bucky barely wanted to move so he could pull out, forcing himself to do it and dispose of the condom. He cleaned off his hands, laying on his back panting a little with his arms spread out across the pillows. He could see the sweat misted across his chest and Johnny cleaned himself off on a t-shirt he grabbed off the floor, turning to his side to press his head on Bucky’s shoulder, a hand softly rubbing his chest looking at him in a daze, “You should do that more often Buck.”

Johnny stole a kiss, pressing his lips to Bucky’s cheek and nuzzling his skin when he knew he wasn’t going to get shoved off for being too clingy. The thing was that Bucky liked it, growing fond of stupid Johnny, familiar and safe, he curled his arm around the male’s broad back to keep him there as he let his eyes close tiredly.

“Should do what?”

“Say my name and baby in one sentence, I think I came too hard though. Oof, I can’t move.”

“Then don’t, I’m not moving my arm anyway.”

Johnny only smiled, nose brushing Bucky’s sharp jawline before he finally settled in to sleep tucked away in his arm.

 

It was still dark when Bucky woke up again, smoking a joint in the darkness with his head rolled back against the pillows. He flicked the ashes into the small little ashtray on the night stand staring at the full moon peeking into his room with silent curiosity. 

Beside him Johnny slept soundlessly on his stomach on top of the blankets, the entirety of his ass a fiery red even in the dark, bruises warm and blooming darker colors at each side of his hips from fingers that burned when they dug in. His eyes roamed up his body, a few marks dotting along his ribs and a handful showed themselves off along his shoulders, purple and angry. He was always particularly proud over the indented sets of teeth marks along the nape, he really didn’t have claim to Jo but liked that he let him, allowed him to. He was never sure if it was an ego thing exactly, he wasn’t even a possessive type of person. He just liked doing it, it was obscurely that simple to him. 

He drew in another drag, grey blues shifting to look out the glass doors again. He didn’t turn to the sound of a soft moan nor when there was movement to his side, Johnny sleepily pressing his forehead against his shoulder while his arm came up to drape over Bucky’s naked body.

“Did you even sleep?”

His words were muffled into Bucky’s arm but he could make it out anyway, shrugging a little. Bucky moved his hand to put the joint by Jo’s mouth, feeling lips wrap around to take his own drags before he withdrew. Bucky was suddenly distracted thinking about those lips, smiling lazily, “A couple hours but was thinking too much.”

Johnny groaned in response, turning away to exhale the smoke, hand dancing along Bucky’s belly index finger tracing his navel. 

“About what?”

Bucky shrugged, “Random things, like when I get home what the hell am I supposed to do about everything.”

The back of Johnny’s fingers danced along his ribs, soothing the strain he was feeling not a few minutes ago.

“Are you really going to quit being friends with Steve because your parents told you to? Come on Buck, if I listened to everything my parents told me to do I’d be running for pope.”

He sighed at him, “My parents aren’t your parents. They get pissed off, they get mad but they still deal with it like nothing happened. They let it go, mine don’t let me forget.”

“So you gonna let them marry you off to some high society chick so she can pop out a baby for them to mind fuck is that it?”

Truer words were never spoken and he only shrugged, silently smoking his joint knowing Johnny was staring at him.

“You know your Steve has the hots for you, right?”

Bucky drew one leg up bent with his foot planted, sheets bunched over his lap and between his thighs. He tilted his head away, blowing out the marijuana smoke from Johnny’s face, passing the joint over as he shook his head.

“Doubt it but I don’t really wanna talk about Steve.”

Johnny gave him another look, smoking the last bit stamping the end in the ashtray. He settled back on his side, his leg rubbing against Bucky’s as he went back to touching his stomach like he was a moment ago. 

“You shouldn’t be worrying over stupid crap like that. You’re going to be back soon, leave shit the way it is and don’t run into Stark, plain and simple. No way to drum up drama when there isn’t any. Right now though you should be asleep.”

Jo never nagged, Bucky wouldn’t have allowed it but he did have a way about him when he wanted Bucky to do something that wasn’t frivolous like going to sleep when he thought he needed it. He had ideas on how to fix problems like this and it was generally his way of _announcing_ his intentions on the matter. 

Fingers dipped lower, moving the sheet out of the way wrapping around his cock and Bucky only puffed out a hard breath of air out of his nose. He shifted his hips a little getting comfortable as he closed his eyes. Johnny brushed kisses against his arm, dragging his lips across to one eagerly awaiting nipple tongue swirling around before nipping softly forcing Bucky to grunt. His hand continued to stroke him a few times before all actions ceased. With a brow quirked Bucky wanted to ask if Johnny fell asleep again though he was much too comfortable to open his eyes up to look, a hot wet mouth answered him instead, taking all of him in before he was fully hard and that only made sure he was about to be. 

The bed shifted beside him, Johnny moving closer to him and Bucky opened one eye to see where Johnny was positioned, a mild smile across his hazy features. He grabbed the lube, coating his finger and lingering for a few seconds to warm it against his skin before he reached watching him bent forward at the side of him with perfect access to his ass. He teased him around his hole before sliding a finger in, a minor jolt of surprise rocking through Jo before he eased back to adoring Bucky’s dick. Bucky added a second finger not too long after knowing he was already accustomed to something bigger only a couple hours ago. 

Johnny began to moan loud on him, vibrations sending him to another plane altogether, he slipped a third in and soon his friend was fucking himself on them as his mouth greedily sucked and Bucky was lost in the pleasure, pressing the back of his head into the pillows feeling that familiar warmth pool around in his belly and his toes dragged along the sheets. 

His mouth hung open as he panted for air, groaning louder, crooking his fingers downward searching until Johnny muffled out a loud cry every single vibration rumbling through his dick and shooting up his spine. He smiled to himself, drawing out his fingers to add more lube when everything suddenly changed in a drop of a hat. 

Johnny pulled off him and moved over his body reaching through the dark and Bucky was confused about what he was doing as he felt Johnny’s hard cock rubbing against his hip until there was the familiar sound of a condom wrapper being torn open, the lube disappearing from beside him.

“Jo..?”

“Shh.”

Bucky watched in the sleepy vague shadows as Johnny rolled the condom onto Bucky’s cock and slicked him up generously before he maneuvered a pillow under Bucky’s hips and then straddled his thighs with his back to him. Johnny rested one hand to grip onto his hip, Bucky stroking himself a couple times before he was guiding Johnny onto his cock taking in the slow perfect way he sank down on him like it was effortless. 

He arched his hips a little, starting gentle thrusts so Johnny could get comfortable but soon his friend gave him a pat on his thigh, “Relax, let me do the work..”

Bucky acquiesced, stilling his hips as he stared at Jo’s back, laying his head further against the pillows while Johnny leaned forward with his legs tucked under him, hands pressed along Bucky’s thighs undulating his hips slowly and rather teasingly at first, small wisps of soft sighs escaping him. It was like perfect music in the dark, Bucky’s hands found themselves firmly planted against Johnny’s hips, moaning out unabashedly the bed barely making a noise louder than Johnny’s rising vocals. 

“Jesus.” Bucky muttered when Johnny cried out, sounding wounded and pained and it completely switched on that something in Bucky and he wanted to hear that sound again with Johnny in a different angle. 

Pulling and tugging at Storm to move backwards with him getting the both of them to sit up against the head of the bed, Johnny brought an arm around Bucky to drape along his shoulders and lean back, Bucky dotting sluggish kisses along his ribs. Roving a hand over Johnny’s chest, Bucky watched him bounce on his cock lost in a commotion of desperate noises basked in faint moonlight, fingers gripping tight to his hip. His mouth left a harsh angry red mark at his side as he pinched one of Johnny’s nipple, listening to him whimper and cry out.

Bucky sank down further into the mattress maneuvering Johnny to lay back against him, mouth dropping a mess of kisses along his shoulder, hands nudging his friend to untuck his legs and plant his feet with his knees bent and legs wide open. Bucky nipped into tender skin just as he thrust hard into Johnny with the snap of his hips, a loud punched gasp of surprise escaping Jo like someone had knocked the wind out of him and Bucky knew then he hit pay dirt, pushing to plant his feet up against the mattress himself bringing his knees up before he snapped his hips again getting the guttural whimper he had heard prior. 

“Bucky! Fuck..”

He pressed a hand just at Jo’s collarbone, holding him close to his frame the other gripped just under his friend’s taut thigh for leverage, fucking into him now that he found the right spot, nosing Johnny’s ear as he made strangled high pitched sounds through his endless dragged moans. 

Relentless in chasing the way everything was growing hazy, Bucky thrust over and over again hitting him just right and all Johnny could do was plant his hands at Bucky’s hips pressing into darkened bruises and fuck back on his dick getting him in as deep as he possibly could, crying out pathetically. 

Moving his hand down, Bucky cupped them both beneath Jo’s thighs, leaning back further so he could leverage himself better and fuck Johnny in earnest watching the brunette bounce off his dick in perfect rhythm. 

For Johnny it quickly became too much, damp eyes and high needy sounds that only became louder as his muscles tightened around Bucky’s cock before he can even warn him; Johnny’s own twitching and he was cumming untouched all over their thighs and the sheets beneath them, orgasm rippling through him for what seemed like forever. 

Bucky let out a choked gasp lost in the way Johnny looked wrecked because of him; turned to the side, face red and blotchy against the light of the moon, body glistening with sweat and watching the way he came all over them. He groaned into the darkness as his dull nails dug hard into Johnny’s skin to hold him down around his cock; pained whimpers spilled out of Johnny with every slide of Bucky’s cock hitting his prostate, wrung out and oversensitive as he dropped his head to the side weakly. 

It was that sight alone that pushed Bucky over, cumming hard with urgent possessive thrusts until there was nothing left in him, finally dropping his hands against the bed as he turned his head away trying to catch his breath. Johnny couldn’t move and after a few seconds Bucky gingerly brought his hands against his friend’s ribs, rolling them to the side, easing himself out. 

He smoothed a hand down Johnny’s back, feeling his heart beat through his skin, “You good?”

A small whine escaped as he rolled onto his back to look at Bucky, a dazed smile on his face, “My ass hurts.”

Bucky snorted, finally gathering enough energy to climb out of bed, disposing the condom and giving himself a quick wipe down with one of the hand towels in the bathroom before tossing it in the small open laundry basket. He tugged on a pair of boxer briefs, soaking one of the face cloths in warm water before he returned to the bed, Johnny watching him not doing much else. Bucky knelt next to him, starting at his face to wipe him down, one of Johnny’s hands holding him at his forearm while Bucky focused on the task, wiping down his arms and shoulders and down Johnny’s chest before he was cleaning off the cum splashed against his thighs and finally getting to his dick. 

“You keep that up I’ll be hard in no time.” Johnny muttered out sleepily.

Bucky smiled at him, “Shut up.”

Without too much of a struggle from Johnny he managed to remove the top sheet off the bed and throw it to the floor, climbing back into the bed with one of the blankets pulled over their bodies. 

Johnny settled against Bucky, comfortable and content, sleepily blinking and staring at him like he was trying to read him. In their silence Bucky could only stare back at him, fingers reaching out to brush against the cleft of his chin, fatigue kicking in for the both of them on top of being mildly stoned. He watched Jo lean in, pressing a kiss against Bucky’s mouth, an arm going around his waist to tug him closer. 

Johnny moaned out happily, nuzzling Bucky’s earlobe, “If I didn’t feel so sore I’d ask you to fuck me again.”

Bucky chuckled, “Sleep before I shove you out of bed and you can sleep on the floor.”

“That’s rude.” 

“Mhm,” He yawned tiredly, “That’s the point.” 

 

Johnny only knows it’s morning, like entirely morning because through their sex sessions neither of them noticed the sun was coming up. On the plus side he was feeling extremely relaxed and pliant, Bucky’s arms wrapped tight around him with his warm body pressed close moving just so to breathe.

Bucky’s skin felt perfect and smooth underneath him, half Johnny’s naked body laid out on top of him and he woke up with his head nestled against Bucky’s chest with their legs tangled together in the bedsheets that were changed while they took a scalding hot shower and explored each other at some random time when it became twilight because Bucky was awake again and needed a shower. Also, that’s what housekeeping did if James Barnes asked for it at whatever time it was, they immediately came in and changed the damn sheets. He also asked they leave an extra set just in case and Johnny tried his best not to laugh too loudly over that one. 

Jo took a few minutes just to watch Bucky sleep, various hickies littering his pale skin, the dark blemishes standing out like claims and he looked entirely at peace. His hand roamed gently along Bucky’s side feeling his baby soft skin, watching a fan of lashes blink and open before closing again waking up slowly.

“Hey.” He mumbled out, voice thick and heavy, groaning as he turned his head from the sunlight.

“Morning, well I’m pretty sure it’s morning I can’t tell except for that sun and I’m too comfortable to move right now,” Johnny couldn’t help roam his fingers up Bucky’s abs idly feeling out every groove and dip, the ball of his thumb eventually tracing up around one nipple, “You sleep well?”

Bucky nodded silently, slowly drifting back to sleep.

Johnny couldn’t help the smile appearing across his face roaming his hand down further, fingers brushing past Bucky’s adorable little belly button and reaching the hem of his boxer briefs. Slowly he began stroking him through the material, soft moans soon replaced the shallow breathing he had been doing.

“Jo, I’m sleepy, _shit..ah_..” Bucky attempted to mutter, hand clenching Johnny’s hip as he continued to stroke firmly against the fabric feeling Bucky’s cock stiffen.

Johnny couldn’t help the grin break out across his face, wiggling down a little to nuzzle and press a kiss on one nipple feeling it harden against his cheek, Bucky making tiny light noises above him while he continued teasing him through his boxers drawing back a little so he was barely touching him and Bucky can’t help arching his hips for a little more friction not finding enough to get him back on a steady track. A warm flustered blush dusted along his face, opening his sleepy eyes to look down at Johnny.

“Why are you teasing me?”

Bucky attempted to sound mad, or at least irritated but he couldn’t hold back a small whine creeping out from the back of his throat, his hand clutching desperately at the short hairs against the back of Johnny’s head tugging firm when his friend drew back in and continued stroking him faster.

Panting, Bucky arched his hips as he dropped his head back giving Johnny the chance to tug down the offending garment and move his head down to get his mouth on him. 

“Fuck.. _oh God_ ,” His mouth dropped open, groaning out low voice raspy, “Not expected..”

He could feel Jo laughing around him, slowly taking him in inch by inch and all he could do was gently pull at hair and mold his hand against the back of Storm’s head feeling every bob and soak in every noise. 

Johnny roamed his palms up Bucky’s stomach, caressing his skin and anticipating the perfect moment just before he was about to cum; Bucky’s whole body tensing and his breath catching, the hand at his head gripping the back of his neck firmly just as Bucky thrust into his mouth one final time when he climaxed. Johnny loved seeing the happy drunk-like state he always went into as he pulled off him, the back of his finger getting the small bit of cum at the corner of his mouth sucking it off his index shamelessly and Bucky couldn’t stop staring.

“Now you can get some sleep."

Johnny gave him a wink and settled half on top of him again like he was when he woke up, pulling Bucky’s boxers back into place and resting his ear against his chest listening to his heartbeat slow down. He felt Bucky’s hand move down to rest flat against his shoulder blade and stay there, soon the sound of gentle dozing followed and Jo could only smile settling in to follow him for a nap as well.

 

Bucky bit at his thumbnail, his face pinched as he gave his forehead a quick scratch and then turned the page of a book, curled around in his white feather down blanket and way too many pillows. He took one of the pear slices out of the bowl resting on the pillow beside him dabbing blindly for the Nutella, lost in his story as an arm slowly encircled his waist from behind. 

Johnny groaned out, shifting around the blanket he had and tugging the fluffy nest Bucky made so he could move into it and press his naked body against Bucky’s boxer clad one.

“Ugh, why are you still wearing clothes?”

Bucky didn’t look back, turning the page again, “You mean why am I wearing boxer shorts?”

“Mhm..” He managed to hum out distractedly, pawing them down and palming his dick. 

He didn’t pull away or stop him, still reading and turning to lay on his back so Johnny could do what he pleased. 

“Because I don’t want to be surprise dry humped while we’re napping and I got up to get something to snack on which was a good idea considering,” He trailed off, groaning softly the book tilting awkwardly as he closed his eyes.

Johnny stared with his head on Bucky’s thigh, stroking him to hardness, “You were saying?”

He scowled behind the pages, “They were both in the living room watching something. Do you ever just get bored touching my dick?”

“Nope. What’re you eating?”

The book dropped against Bucky’s chin, his eyes closing as his breathing began picking up, “Pear slices.”

There was a pause, Johnny pulling himself up to lean across Bucky’s belly to look, a chuckle slipping out, “And Nutella, I could smell it.”

Bucky only nodded, opening his eyes when he felt the familiar substance paint across his chest, fingers tracing around his nipples. He laughed until the other hand began stroking him again, chocolate spreading evenly all over his dick.

“You seriously..?”

“Mhm..” Johnny let out with no care, tucked between Bucky’s legs. He pressed his dirty hands along Bucky’s inner thighs, licking him lazily past his cock and up his stomach lapping up the faint trails of chocolate and teasing each nipple with his tongue. Johnny hovered over Bucky, hands at his shoulders leaving kisses against his neck and Bucky could only turn away with a grin not wanting to encourage the mess.

“You’re getting chocolate spread all over me and soon it’s gonna get on the sheets.”

“So? We got extras remember and we can have another shower and you can screw me senseless in there again. Don’t tell me you forgot about all the other times food was involved..” He muttered back, lifting his hands up to cup Bucky’s jaw so he would look at him before leaning in to kiss him. Bucky stared back at him letting him kiss him, letting him lead and he only accepted it with his hand dropping his book to the side so his arms wrapped around Johnny’s chest pulling him close. He felt palms smooth down his sides, Bucky squirming from the ticklish feeling and arching as the fabric of his boxers slid down; Jo shifted to get them off and tossed aside somewhere. Johnny’s hands roved around, petting and touching skin, exploring like it was the first time he had ever touched him. Bucky could feel himself immediately drunk off it, feeling his cock twitch from so much attention, letting his hands drop away to grip at the sheets and calm down the racing of his heart. 

“You’re real easy on the eyes, you know that Buck?”

Bucky grunted softly, tugging at the sheets while palms caressed his stomach and curved down to hold his hips delicately, Johnny’s mouth licking off chocolate from one pert nipple his lips feeling the thrum of Bucky’s heartbeat picking up. He dragged his lips down his sticky skin, fingers curling tight around his cock to stroke him gently watching Bucky laid bare in front him, his hands pressed at either side of him into the sheets and fingers pressed down, eyes closed. His chest rose and fell, ruby red lips plush and slick with saliva, this was how he liked Bucky best, he loved many ways with Bucky but when Bucky relaxed entirely Johnny felt the most superior over it because he liked when he didn’t think and just _enjoyed_ without the intensity. Bucky always had rules, even if it was just for harmless sex and for Johnny, rules got boring- to a certain degree.

Dropping his head down, Johnny moaned as he licked up the length of Bucky’s cock, cleaning off as much of the Nutella as he could, glancing up to see Bucky in the same prone position with lips parted and panting as his hips twitched for more underneath his hands. 

They’ve done things, weird interesting _spectacular_ things together. They were an intriguing force to be reckoned with when it came to sexual adventures and it was suddenly funny to Johnny how many things they _haven’t_ done and there were many. As much as he wanted to give Bucky the world on a platter, Bucky didn’t want it, locked in himself almost always and Johnny had to deal with what he was given. Like now, with his hands sliding down thick sculpted gorgeous thighs he couldn’t avoid noticing the little hesitation Bucky projected, thankful he didn’t open his eyes to look down, only furrowing his brows slightly while Johnny pet and slid his palms, kneading and caressing skin while he took him into his mouth; sinking down slow and methodical, he patiently let him settle in and relax again. His nose pressed into hairless soft skin, lips stretched and tight around his dick, he loved everything about Bucky, it was so easy to. He always meant it when he said he hoped Bucky found someone that adored him like this. He didn’t notice Bucky’s hands move until they found his, petting fingers with quiet affection and Johnny laced them with his, bobbing his head lazily up and down his cock, tears clinging to his long lashes.

“Jo..”

It was a command, a light squeeze of fingers and he pulled off him before Bucky warned him again; crawling up his body he laid himself out over him, kissing his collarbone with hopeful eyes while his hips rocked into him their cocks rubbing against each other, “Can we Buck? C’mon I won’t.. _I promise_.”

His hips undulated against him and Bucky was at his mercy wanting to cum before Johnny even got on top of him. He froze underneath him and grabbed at his hips, rolling them over so Bucky was now on top, burying his face against the crook of Johnny’s neck and rocking his hips hard and teasing against him drawing a loud moan out of his friend. Bucky grabbed the bottle of lube off the night table, squeezing some out on his hand to rub it around their cocks, Johnny attempting to fuck into his hand and Bucky almost smacked his thigh for it trying not to laugh. He returned over him tucking his arms securely under Johnny’s, toes tangled in the sheets and pressed into the mattress picking up on the speed of grinding thrusts as he continued to rut against Johnny, squeezing his eyes shut, panting against heated skin.

Johnny wrapped his arms tight around his Bucky’s neck, cradling his head like he was protecting him from everything and all Bucky could do was keep into that precise rhythm they had found together, cocks snug between them sliding slick with chocolate, lube and precum. Johnny cupped the back of his lover’s head, fingers curling into his shortened hair panting out as he heard the sharp gasps that told him Bucky was close. He hooked one leg around his thigh, groaning out into the air, fingers tugging dark strands as Bucky’s hips ground in, panting and moaning louder into his skin. 

“Yeah, Buck. C’mon, cum on me.” 

Johnny dropped his head back, crying out louder tightening his limbs around him feeling everything pooling together and coiling up inside of him.

Bucky let out a low whine, keening and pressing into his body, his fingers snuck under and dug into Johnny’s back, bruising skin as he felt himself dangling at the edge.

“God, you’re fucking perfect..” Was all Bucky heard by his ear before he came and everything went white, barely registering the tension of Johnny’s body and the cries of him cumming along with him; his mind floated in a weird drowsy haze and an overpowering wave washed over him like thick molasses.

He felt hands move him, touch his face but he was lost somewhere, fingers petting his cheek but he was so cold. He was sure he said as much, a blanket coming around him and he didn’t like this all suddenly, control slipped away and panic set in. The bed shifted and as he tried to open his eyes but he found they were so tired, a faint sound of protest coming to his ears before there was a movement back onto the bed, Johnny’s familiar scent and a warm cloth cleaning him up with strong arms around him. 

“Jo,” He slurred and he was wholly confused by this feeling, “What’s..?”

“Hey you’re okay. Can you hear me okay? You’re okay Buck, I’m sorry I didn’t know this was going to scare you, are you okay?” 

Bucky nodded to his voice, opening his eyes to find Johnny watching him closely, the casual joking personality that was him gone and there was a concerned expression across his features, tension and worry in his brows as he laid on his side beside him, cradling his head in his arms. Bucky felt drunk and awful at the same time, good riding with bad, blissful and horrible yet he hated the expression on Jo’s face. 

He reached up to touch his cheek, giving him a small smile, “Stop.”

“Stop what?”

“Looking like that.”

He only looked more concerned, “Hey I’m sorry, I feel bad okay?”

“S’okay. Tired, feel..weird.”

Johnny turned to the night stand and grabbed one of the bottled waters, getting him to drink some of it, “Are you sure that’s it? You need anything?"

Even if he could think he wouldn’t have been able to say what he wanted, shrugging a little absently. Johnny said nothing til Bucky felt something press to his lips, his brows furrowing until he smelled the sweetness of the pear slices he had earlier, Johnny carefully hand feeding him a couple slices before Bucky didn’t want anymore instead moving to snuggle against him. He felt like he was trapped in some ongoing loop, the lack of control and _needing_ Johnny to tend to him; he disliked this weird trigger, for the lack of a better word, he hit reminding himself the best he could not to give in to Johnny anymore like this.

For the time being though, Bucky was mentally exhausted. His mental battle to try to figure everything at once and get his answers straight away only made him anxious and scared. Johnny was there and it made him feel safer; he ended up sleeping most of the day keeping the male secured to him. He barely heard him mumble about needing to take a train back to France but he felt the way he was petting him and checking on him as he went in and out of sleep.

Sometimes the television was on, sometimes not; he wasn’t sure what was going on and only kept slipping back into slumber. Idly he would cuddle into Jo, kissing him stupid like they did and would pass out again, sometimes he felt a kiss against his head and blankets tightening around his neck. Sometimes Johnny sang, it was off key at different notes but he could hear his silly smile in his voice, a beat softly tapped against his bare hip and Bucky liked that the best, nosing his friend’s collarbone and kissing him languidly breaking off whatever verse he was on.

The next time he awoke he was laying on his back with Johnny partially laying over him, his nose buried against his neck and an arm draped over his belly. He didn’t feel cloudy anymore, instead he only felt thirsty and maybe a little hungry, his dick ostensibly pointing out he might be a little horny too. He groaned, tiredly looking out to see that daytime turned into night, sitting up with the goal to take a shower because he definitely needed one, sweating under blankets covered in God knows what. Johnny stirred beside him, Bucky not doubting he was watching his back stretch for one of the waters before drinking down all of it too quickly.

“Hey, there you are.”

Bucky nodded, climbing out of bed in all his naked glory heading to the bathroom to use the toilet knowing Johnny was watching his ass until the door closed. He examined himself in the mirror looking tired and a little paler than usual but generally alright, marks and bruises were splashed across his body and he wasn’t really worried about them, grabbing his toothbrush. 

Johnny peeked his head in, Bucky sliding the toothbrush over that he used the day before that was given with all the other complimentary toiletries. Johnny was worse off when it came to bruises, bite marks scattered around the general neck and shoulder area, some bold hickeys around his ribs and along his back and the amount of branding Bucky had done around his hips was pretty gratifying. 

Eventually Bucky hopped up on the marble counter, shifting until he was leaning back against the mirror watching his friend, “You gonna shower with me before you leave?”

Johnny nodded, tilting his shoulder in to examine a particularly dark purple colored mark. He rinsed out his mouth, wiping his face with one of the towels, walking over to stand before Bucky, resting his hands on his thighs stroking them gingerly, “I missed my train anyway, might as well.”

Bucky’s face tensed, trying to figure things out, “Yeah, I’m sorry about that. I didn’t mean to hold you hostage, I don’t even know what happened.”

Johnny shrugged flashing him a warm smile, “You kinda seemed like you were sub dropping which makes no sense because we don’t do that stuff but it’s the best way to describe it. I have no idea what was happening in your head but one moment you were cumming the next you were all incoherent but I could hear you panicking. You were really lost, so I did the stuff you usually do for me which seemed to work. I wasn’t gonna leave you Buck, even if Brock was in the other room. I couldn’t, so whatever it’s cool.”

A small laugh slipped from Bucky, feeling oddly romantic in his head. Johnny could only watch him with a raised brow.

“You hand fed me."

“Yeah? Was I not supposed to? You do it to me sometimes."

He shrugged, tilted his head against the mirror to look up at the ceiling, “I always find hand feeding to be intimate, I don’t know."

“You are aware I practically live on your dick if we’re around each other, I think feeding is allowed without it looking faux pas."

“No, not like that." He smiled absently, shrugging it off. “Anyway, thank you, I mean it. I may be an asshole about things. I may be an asshole to you most of the time but thank you. I don’t know why I tripped out but at least it was around someone that didn’t leave me alone."

There was a smile, gentle and sweet. Johnny’s more reserved smile that was like an unveiled secret. Bucky stroked his short hair, shaved so close to the skull it felt like he was stroking the skin of a peach and it made him smirk a little not getting over how much he liked it under his fingertips. He slid to the edge of the counter, wrapping his legs around Johnny’s waist, Johnny wrapping his arms around his in return, “Let’s just, not do that again though.”

Johnny agreed, stroking his fingers up Bucky’s spine, “I’m sorry Buck, I wouldn’t have asked you- ”

Bucky ignored him, tilting his chin up as he spoke to catch his mouth kissing him deeply, almost fiercely, forgiving him completely. Bucky had himself to blame too, he knew that. He had fucked up himself for giving in. He specifically had strict rules in place related to keeping himself in general control and he let Johnny convince him without much convincing which only blew up in their face. Now they both knew better and that’s all they needed to keep from the event.

Showered and dressed, Bucky smoothed the top of his hair out in front of the mirror.

“Hey, you know what today is right?”

Bucky shook his head, watching a wide amused grin breaking out across Jo’s face, “It’s Thanksgiving.”

Natasha’s plans popped into his head and he suddenly grabbed Johnny’s arm before he could say something else while stepping out of the room, “What are you doing Saturday?”

He shrugged, “Usually clubbing like always, why?”

Bucky suddenly remembered and realized just how stupid he was being for even thinking it would be something he should try, “Nevermind, I forgot.”

Johnny countered, pressing Bucky’s back against the door, caging him in with his arms, a smirk playing on his lips, “No way. What’re you doing Saturday? Where do you want me to come or cum, whichever, I’m there Barnes.”

Bucky stared at him carefully, sliding his arms around his neck, “It’s not even like that. We’re doing Thanksgiving dinner, if you wanna come you’re invited but I forgot you get wasted and you’re partying so forget it.”

“No shit? You want me to come?”

Bucky rolled his eyes, “I wouldn’t have invited you if I didn’t.”

“Homeboy Steve won’t like me there he gets crazy jealous.”

Buck didn’t know whether to laugh at Steve’s new nickname or the fact that Johnny said he was jealous, “He doesn’t get jealous because he doesn’t have feelings for me, you get his dirty looks mixed up with jealousy, he thinks you’re obnoxious but then so do a heck of a lot of other people and he’s probably inviting Stark so I don’t give a shit, I’m supposed to be away from him right? You and I are supposed to do things not sexual right? I’m inviting you to a dinner. I know it’s lackluster compared to what you’re used to so I get it if you don’t want to.”

“Yeah right, I like your crew ‘cept Natasha, she scares me a little after almost crushing my balls that one time.”

“You seriously wanna come to the little dinner over a club?”

Johnny nodded, crowding him, “Yeah I do. In case you haven’t picked up on it I fucking like you Bucky, a lot. Neither of us wanna be in a relationship and that’s fine and if there’s a chance you wanna hang out without me ending up on your dick, I’m all for it.”

Bucky stared at him, Johnny’s vulnerability showing. He figured it out a long time ago, on the surface Johnny was a screw up, no one relied on him to get something done right and he was only there to waste time and goof around. He made the best out of it by magnifying those opinions people had about him and making them tried and true. Johnny Storm didn’t need lifelong friends, he had rich frat boy friends what more could you want? Johnny Storm never needed to be in a relationship, hook ups were the thing for him. Johnny Storm, the most unreliable son who could make your life a living hell because he didn’t go by the book so don’t try to get him on the right path, just let him be.

Bucky gave him a sympathetic smile, cupping his cheek, “Yes, I want you to come to dinner at Sam’s but I’m sorry you’re a little off on thinking you may not end up on my dick. I might also want to fuck you later so win-win?”

Storm broke out in a grin, nodding back before he leaned in for a kiss, “Definitely win-win. I’ll be there.”

Eventually Johnny managed to get his ass out of penthouse to catch his train, Bucky humming to himself as he strolled barefoot and in sweats opening the fridge up to take one of the bottles of apple juice. Brock raised his head from the couch, a mildly humored smirk across his face, “Did you enjoy sex the past two days?”

Bucky flicked his eyes at him as he took a sip taking a moment to think about it and besides the minor hiccup he did enjoy sex for the past two days, well technically it was like one day, nodding finally, “Yes thank you. God bless Johnny Storm, honestly.”

“Yeah,” Brock let out dryly turning back to the television, “I heard you blessing him a few times Kid.”

 

There was a weight off Bucky’s shoulders and he was excited that today was the day. The day he waited for when he flew out here. It was still early, dawn barely breaking but he had things to do, to finish before they flew out early just before lunch. He was going home. His father had confirmed it yesterday and so did Mr. Susilovic when he dropped off flight information for them. He was going to be back home and even if he was happy, a whole new world of anxiety was filling him. He found Brock’s phone outside his door and it was little generous things that always reminded Bucky of how lucky he really was. Going back into his bedroom, he hoped Steve was still awake.

He answered with a tired face looking mildly worried, brows knit and mouth curved down.

“Hey Buck, you okay?”

Bucky’s face changed from a smile to confusion staring at Steve in the camera, “Yeah? Why wouldn’t I be?”

Steve seemed like he froze, a noise coming from the other side of the call like he was scrambling to say something before he finally huffed a breath, “Nothing, I- I just figured since we read some more of the story after dinner on Sunday and you said you might call on Monday and then you know it’s now Thursday..”

If Bucky could have pulled Steve in a hug he would have, laughing softly, “Yeahhh about that. You wouldn’t have wanted me to call during the last two days. I had some meeting stuff and some more crap all day on Monday and I when I got back I passed out, I was just so mentally exhausted I’m sorry. Then I had some more stuff on Tuesday and Brock and Svet suddenly decided to take me out to a club which turned out to be random _I thought_ until Johnny showed up.”

Immediately Steve dropped his head back against his couch with a thud, lightly smacking his couch pillow with a swat glad that it was done out of Bucky’s line of sight, “Makes sense. He can just appear because he can do that.”

He chewed his lip realizing how he sounded but Bucky took no notice, watching him chuckling softly.

“It was a surprise, he went to France with his mom but he came to Berlin for a couple of days and well, _you know_..”

Steve honestly wished he didn’t know; when it came to Johnny Storm he wished he was naive enough to think they were just friends hanging out and having a couple of beers and not having loud obnoxious sex because that’s what his brain told him especially for two days straight because that’s what they did when they were together, two beings with insane animal attraction which always led to no strings attached sex especially if Bucky hadn’t had any for some time. He didn’t know if that bit was true but it seemed plausible enough.

Bucky only looked wistful and happy to Steve as he thought back to apparently all the sex and shenanigans he just had, chewing at his bottom lip and staring off with a silly smile across his face. Steve didn’t feel jealous, no he doesn’t feel like that at all.

“Yeah, I got it, you got busy.”

Bucky fell back against his bed with his hand tucked behind his head, “Yeah basically. Anyway he left in the early evening and I packed up most of my stuff to fly out today. I have to look through the place to make sure I don’t forget anything but I think I’m pretty safe.”

There was a long pause before Bucky spoke up again, timid and unsure sitting in the tone of his voice, “Will you be at the airport..?”

He acted like he was thinking, “Well, I don’t know Buck. I’ll have to see what I have to do tomorrow morning, time difference and all that..”

Steve _expected_ Bucky to berate him and yell but he only saw him physically draw in a small breath, nodding to the answer and he suddenly felt terrible.

“Sure okay, well if you do that’s cool.”

“Hey Buck.”

“Hm?”

He waited til Bucky was looking at him and he gave him a grin, “I was joking, of course I’m coming out. I got a new bike yesterday with Sam, I took a short spin but I’m looking forward to giving it another ride to the airport and to see you of course. Maybe we could take it out together sometime.”

Bucky smiled gently, “Yeah maybe. We should go back to that small seaside town you took me to last time with the burgers and ice cream with that black cat? I liked that. We could go to the Catskills again and I won’t sprain my ankle.”

“You better not, you’re heavy.”

“Bro do you even lift?!”

“Bucky, did you just..?”

Bucky couldn’t stop laughing and Steve lost himself in it, he missed it for way too long. 

Bucky let him go to sleep and everything was still quiet, the world going about doing whatever it had to do and he switched on the lamp at the side table, staring at his hands. He looked at the clock before he began, working on the sculpture he had put on hold, wrapped up and covered in plastic from drying away. He gave himself the next few hours to hem out the details, finishing up and covering the piece when he was satisfied. He took one of the hotel stationary pads off the side to write care instructions down, tucking the paper beside the base and went into the kitchen calling the front desk for Yuri.

“Mr. Barnes?”

“Yuri, I need some flatbread, like out of the oven warm flatbread and for you to find someone who can fire up something I’ve been working on.”

“You mean one of your statues Mr. Barnes?”

“Yeah, it’s about twenty inches and I won’t be able to finish up the baking so if you could get- ”

“Of course Sir! I can have that arranged for you while you take your trip back. I expect you will want it shipped after?”

“Yes, I wrote down the address to an apartment I want it going to and I’ll give you some money for it when you get up here.”

“Oh no Sir Mr. Barnes, we will do that without a problem. More than happy to.”

Bucky shook his head with a smile, “Happy or not I’m not making you deal with it yourself so just knock whenever you have the bread.”

“Yes sir.”

Bucky turned and wrote down Steve’s address on a new piece of stationary, retrieving his wallet to tuck away a handful of banknotes into one of the provided envelopes. He grabbed a second envelope to add some more money, sealing that one with Housekeeping written over it. He washed his clay residued hands in the kitchen sink, grabbing half a bulb of garlic to chop off the end leaving if there while he set a pan down on one of the elements on low.

Soon there was a knock at the door, he answered it staring at the dirty blond in his neat haircut with bangs swept to the side, tall but the black suit he wore practically swallowed him like it did the first day he saw him, gold name tag still pinned neatly to his front pocket, blue eyes looking at him as he cheerily held out a small bread basket with the cloth wrapped over the top.

He cheeks were a little flushed, new glasses pushed back into position and Bucky could only smile, fond of someone that looked like he was his age and practically balancing a million responsibilities by himself without breaking a sweat.

“Your flatbread Mr. Barnes.”

“Yuri, did you really run up here to give me bread?”

His eyes widened, German accent soaking into his English, “Yes? Was I not supposed to? I could take it back- ”

“No,” He took the basket, “I was just joking around. Thank you and here..”

He presented him with the address and the envelope, “I hope that’s enough for whoever’s going to fire up my piece for me and the address.”

Yuri opened the small flap immediately noting the color with the amount of notes, immediately looking at him in confusion, “Mr. Barnes, this is too much for what you need, only about one or two notes would be sufficient.”

Bucky nodded, “I know, the rest’s for you Yur. It’s your tip, no one else’s. You were our personal go to guy and we used it whenever we could, which..I really wanna say sorry about calling you while I was drunk and saying anything perverted because I know me drunk and drunk me is kinda like that sometimes. That and ordering that Linzor torte without remembering the name and taking you on some pie naming adventure, I was really out of it.”

“That is fine Mr. Barnes, but I can’t..”

Bucky shook his head, smiling at him with a palm shoving back the money, “It’s done and take this second envelope for the ladies in housekeeping, they sure deserve it.”

This time he laughed, an abrupt bark of a laugh that dissolved into a soft humorous chuckle which only made Bucky grin wide. He put his hand out when he watched him settle down and they both shook hands, “If you’re ever in New York look me up.”

He beamed, “I will Mr. Barnes..and thank you for your gift.”

“It’s Bucky, all my friends call me Bucky.”

He smiled wider, nodding with the tap of the envelopes hitting his chest, “Bucky. I will see you downstairs when you’re ready to go.”

Bucky nodded as he took a step back into the room watching him call the elevator and take it back down.

He picked up his cell from off the counter, running through his contacts before pressing it to his ear.

“Do you not have a flight soon?”

Bucky smirked, “Sending me away?”

Svetlana laughed, “Never. You know, you must love to break hearts. You are so good at it.”

“Hmm, I never make it a point to break someone’s heart. If I broke yours I’m very sorry.”

She yawned out and Bucky listened to her stretch, “You are forgiven as long as you come back and visit one day but only on one condition.”

“And what’s that?”

“That you tell your Steven how stupid you are about him because you must bring him with you. We could pose for him and he could paint us, it would be so French.”

Bucky grinned wide, stealing one of the warm pieces of bread to chew away at it. He went to his room and picked out a sweater, tossing a second one on the suitcase, “I’ve seen a lot of French movies where that would turn into a threesome like that and they weren’t porn.” 

She made a soft agreeable sound and he could hear a playful smile in it, “If that’s what you both wanted, I would not mind being sandwiched between such handsome men.”

“I’ll let him know you’re interested in a manwich with us.”

“Only when you tell him how in love with him you are first Bucky. That is the rule.”

He leaned against the wall, staring out at the sun slowly pouring over the rooftops, “I’m not but I do miss him, who knows maybe one day I’ll get so wasted it’ll just come out. It’ll be raining and I’ll be outside his window professing how many years I’ve harbored a crush on him.”

Svetlana sighed wistfully, “That is so romantic Bucky.”

“Yeah, but I’m not one for the romance.”

“Yes you are, you just act like you are not. You are so romantic, trust me.”

“Mhm, I’ll take your word for it. You should visit me in New York, you would love it.”

“I have been to the states when a former client of mine needed some company while he traveled, New York was very nice. I swear I almost bought too many dresses while I was visiting!”

“Then you should come back, we could go on a shopping spree.”

“I will, one day. You just focus on telling him.”

“I will, one day.”

She tsked at him, “You are always the brat you know?”

He smiled, “So I’ve been told.”

“Take care of that oaf you call a best friend, he carries so much on his shoulders even if he pretends he does not. At least he will be happy to be back and to see his other friend, Jack is it?”

Bucky grinned, “Yeah, Jack. He’s itching to see him, they’re attached at the hip.”

She laughed softly, “Keep in touch okay?”

“I will, I promise. You take care of yourself out here.”

“Do not worry about me, I will. Have a safe trip, and remember what I said.”

A fond smile crossed Bucky’s lips and he dropped his head, “I will Svet, you know I will. Thank you, for being you.”

“And you just remember to always be you Bucky. Do not forget your true self, even if there is all this garbage going on around you, dah?”

“Dah.”

He hung up with her and opened the French doors inviting the cool brisk air. Sitting himself down against the chaise lounge, he smiled softly to the sound of birds chirping and the faint echo of traffic moving along. The sun was going to be bright today.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tu me manques. - I miss you.  
> I love it when you speak French - Je l'aime quand vous parlez Francais.  
> My French is not very good yet. - Je ne parle pas encore tres bien le Francais.
> 
> Hopefully it will be back to normal 20kish chapters coming up but who knows. lol


	20. Steve, I have Ebola.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanksgiving dinner. Steve can't stop himself. Bucky can't escape the toll his health takes. Jack reveals a secret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Chapter 20.pic/gif](http://kalika999.tumblr.com/post/150722274060/hunger-of-the-pine-chapter-20-thanksgiving)
> 
> Sorry about being late, little things just kept getting in the way.
> 
> Warnings:  
> \- Illness; vomiting, sweating, fussiness all that fun stuff.

**Late November/Early December, 2015**  
  
  


Steve paced back and forth in Tony’s rarely used office, freshly showered and dressed to leave. He turned his head to the doors opening and Tony walking through, an expectant brow raised with a small smile, “So what did you want to tell me before you left that was so important?”

Steve paused, “Tony. I know how you feel about this but I wanted to let you know that Bucky comes back today and I’m going to go see him.”

The brunette sat down in his leather chair behind a large cluttered desk, throwing his feet up at the corner of it, one foot over the other as he leaned back, “Okay.”

Steve raised a brow, “Okay? You’re fine with this? Not going to get upset or anything?”

Tony could only shrug, “What am I going to do? Lock you in a room Steve? You know how I feel and besides, if I say one word about it you’re going to make me the bad guy and I’m not prepared to play that part, not today. Barnes hasn’t been here for a month and you wanna catch up, go right ahead and catch up.”

It felt weird, odd to Steve, eyeing Tony with a mild hint of suspiciousness, “He’s been sick. I want to make sure alright now that he’s back. I won’t believe it til I see it with my own eyes..”

A thin large manila envelope caught Tony's eye at the top of a pile of paperwork, Rhodey’s name on the front corner of it with urgent stamped across his own name in the center. He recalled a couple of missed calls earlier from his best friend, thumbing the corner absently before he glanced up again, “Then go, what’s stopping you?”

Something was off about the whole matter. Steve couldn’t exactly put his finger on what it was but there was just _something_ bothering him about the whole thing. He wasn’t sure if it was purely paranoia or if he was really catching on to an issue. 

Checking his phone, he really had no time to really dig at it turning to leave before he paused again almost forgetting, “Oh yeah don’t forget we’re doing Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow. As always you're more than welcome to come, as a matter of fact I hope you come but I have to warn you that Bucky will be there and no one's going to allow you two to argue or take snipes at each other. Bucky's been told that already and right now I'm telling you. I mean it Tony, no condescending remarks or jabs, it's a Thanksgiving dinner with family and friends I want us all to have a nice evening together."

Tony couldn't help the sarcastic smirk across his face because of the phrase _family_ , "Okay I don't want to start anything here but I have a feeling a majority of the people invited over we never considered your family. As far as I recall only Sam and I are the ones you were calling that about three months or so ago."

"They're all good people," He decided to ignore the face Tony was making because they both knew the one person that they could completely make an argument about, "They all have good intentions alright? I like them all and I want you to be a part of that because you're important to me so will you come?"

Tony shuffled around items on his desk, pulling open one of his drawers to mull through it pulling out random items, “Can’t. As tempting as it is to eat turkey and have my belt undone while I try not to collapse into a deep sleep on the couch is, I’m going to the engineering symposium tomorrow. We already missed today so but we aren’t missing tomorrow. Banner and I got enough done to make time for it.”

“Oh, that’s good then. That you made time for it not that you can’t come for dinner.”

Tossing a random wrench out of the drawer, Tony dug further into it head disappearing away, “You’re welcome to join us.”

Steve could only helplessly shrug to that even though he knew his boyfriend couldn’t see him, “I can’t cancel, I already said I would come and before you say a word, it’s at Sam’s and I wanna be there to help him out.

“Right well,” He peeked his head back up, “Come over on Monday?”

Glancing over at the ceiling, Steve thought about what he had to do that day, “I’ll try to, I have to run some errands but if anything we still on for Wednesday?”

Tony beamed as he looked up, holding a packet of water balloons and Steve didn’t want to know, “Yep, definitely on for Wednesday.”

“Great! Oh,” Shuffling quickly back, Steve gave him a quick kiss and back turned to walk out, “I gotta go but I’ll call you later Tony!”

 

Bucky walked side by side with Brock, the shorter of the pair laughing about something as he made small gestures while he spoke and Bucky bowed his head slightly, nodding with him. The first thing Steve noticed was the gaunt, tired look he had on his face, light skin contrasting dark circles around his eyes, thicker and wider than they usually were and his neat short militaristic haircut. The last time Bucky looked anything like that was the charity party, it gave him a pang of mild concern over how much he had to change of himself to be what they all wanted.

He felt a nudge at his side, glancing over to see Natasha and Clint smiling at him. There was no unsaid joke or incoming teasing, they both only looked at him unguarded and open.

“Go.”

Steve was so eager he couldn’t hide it, even if he had been trying to. Shifting his weight from time to time, buzzing excitement grew the more minutes passed and when Bucky had finally appeared he had the strongest urge to run over and hug him but he forced himself not to. He kept it contained the best he could. Standing next to some of his family beside him, he didn’t want to get in their way to see him. He rationalized in his mind, tried to calm himself down especially after how everything went with Tony. He just wanted to see Bucky, see he was okay and he did wait for almost a month, he could wait a few more minutes he supposed.

Natasha only stared at him knowingly, a small smile at the corner of her mouth while Clint only reflected a happiness in his eyes that he hadn’t seen while Bucky was gone. Content that Bucky was back again and it being good enough for him. 

Steve shook his head, “I can’t. You two and Jack..I can wait. Really.”

Jack turned his head away from the pair trying to mill through customs, so many people around them waiting for their own family and friends while so many had arrived at the same time those two did, neither party caught the attention of the other just yet.

“Ain’t no skin off my nose.”

Clint side glanced at Jack, playfully elbowing Steve as he leaned in by the blond’s ear, “Because it’s not exactly Bucky he’s been waiting around for.”

Trying not to smile too wide, he was kinda getting a weird feeling about that himself glad he wasn’t the only one. Natasha squeezed his arm, nodding to him, “It’s okay if you want to see him Steve, I have a feeling it may be something he’s going to need to do so he makes sure you’re fine.”

He looked at her in surprise, “Me?”

She gestured to his body and the thin line of scarring along his left arm and he raised his brows forgetting all about that but knowing she was right.

“Are you really sure I should, I can sit here and you can all go say hi he misses you all.”

“Unless you got some sort of plan to kidnap him I think it’s okay for you to say hi Rogers.” Clint cut in with a roll of his eyes.

It was Brock who saw everyone first after getting through an express inspection, the telltale familiar stature of Jack standing behind everyone and talking to Clint which only hit a second of a beat before he abruptly felt that sensation of being watched. Turning his head green eyes locked with Brock’s coppery browns and he gave him a quick smile, comfortable and warm. Everything about him was so calm, so relaxed, it was a monument for keeping Brock’s sanity in check. It was always just being around Jack and for some reason Brock felt himself let go of everything just because of that.

“Bucky!”

Bucky turned his head and Steve stood frozen looking maybe a little too eager, a little too excited a few steps in front of the rest of the group and he still had the bluest eyes Bucky had ever seen. Steve broke out a smile, a flash of relief came across his face which switched to absolute glee. His dark rooted blond hair pushing short strands into his face from the breeze of the light air conditioning in the building and Bucky was awestruck.

_Like he was the sun._

The strap of Bucky’s backpack slipped from his fingers, dropping at Brock’s feet. He again saw a brief flash of everyone behind Steve but quickly the crowds all melted away and there was only Steve. He broke out into a run, he knew he probably looked like an idiot but Steve’s arms easily opened to catch him colliding hard into firm chest, holding him tight.

Everything Steve planned out in his head; order, calm, discipline. All of it went to hell like a curl of smoke caught in a breeze.

“Oh God I missed you.” He sighed out, burying his face into Bucky’s hair, his hand cupping into it, gripping handfuls to feel out how real and warm he was pressed against him. He inhaled rosemary and mint mixed with Bucky’s scent, the scent that always lingered on everything after Bucky was gone. The scent he smelt when he went to bed with a pillowcase and refused to part with because he didn’t want to wash the only one he had been sleeping on. Instead he had tucked it away when Tony came over or Sam was beside him. It was trying to fade from his memories and Steve fought hard to keep it there and now it was back and strong, just Bucky warm in his arms.

“Don’t,” Bucky couldn’t even finish the words, feeling the strain of everything, his throat tightening. Bucky’s fingers clutched at handfuls of fabric, pressure so hard his knuckles turned white, his whole body buzzing and lightly trembling against Steve’s hulking frame. He had needed this for too long, his mind completely blank as he pressed his nose against the crook of Steve’s neck. Bucky took in the smell of his soap, he smelled like fresh linen and coffee, a hint of wood and paint, a calm indescribable scent of _Steve_.

Steve drew back, his hands helplessly smoothing out folds and creases on Bucky’s oversized red hoodie til it sunk in and he just looked at it before going back to Bucky’s face, his lips turning up with surprise, “Hey, you’re wearing my sweater.”

Bucky ducked his head, smiling shyly, “I’m sorry. I..I had to pack and I wanted something of yours. God I sound like one of those creepy teenage girls..”

Laughing lightly. Steve pulled him in for another hug. He contemplated telling Bucky about the pillowcase but chose against it, drawing in a slow breath letting it out evenly, “You want creepy? I painted you. I painted you out of memory because the pictures weren’t cutting it. I just, really missed you being around. I’m happy you got to call me or else the place woulda looked like some kind of weird obsession.”

“That’s all Brock.” Bucky turned to look at his friend holding out his backpack, eyes slightly narrowed past him looking at Steve. Bucky sighed, taking his backpack.

“Did you ask him Buck, while he’s roving his hands all over you, if Tony did it?”

“Brock stop.”

Steve raised a brow, “Did what?”

“It’s nothing,” Bucky shook his head, giving Brock a look, “Brock seems to think Tony is the one who told my dad.”

“No, there’s no way Tony would do that.” Steve shook his head, “Of everyone Nat and Sam could remember, we went through it. There was no one that would have. It makes no sense but I have no idea." 

Brock didn’t ease up on his stony gaze and Steve moved to back off, picking up his helmet from a seat he had set it down on, glancing at Bucky, “Well I should get going.”

His fingers itched to run his fingers through Bucky’s hair and hug him again but he didn’t want to push anything and it was a perfect cue for him to get out because he was sure he wore out his welcome with Brock around.

Looking over at Natasha, then at Steve, Bucky shrugged softly knowing he wasn’t going to get much more remembering what Brock said even if he couldn’t help it and nodded, “Are you going to be at the dinner tomorrow?” 

He grinned, “I wouldn’t miss it.”

Clint looked over at Natasha with a very minor shrug and she gave him a small understanding smile reaching over to tug at Bucky’s arm, “We can drop you off at Steve’s later if you like.”

“I- um.” Bucky paused, glancing at Brock like he had done something terrible and felt guilty about it. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to, he did _so badly_ want to but with all that was going on he wasn’t sure if he _should_.

Instead of answering, he moved to greet Jack and give him a hug; Jack wrapping strong arms around him, “Do what makes you happy.”

Natasha approached Brock, putting her arms out and he easily walked into them, wrapping tight around his neck and he leaned into her.

“How are you Levka?”

“Fuckin’ exhausted. I’m glad I’m back I just wanna crack open a beer and put my feet up in my own damn place and just relax for a few hours. Was gettin’ real fuckin’ tired of all the politics.”

She kissed his cheek as he drew back, Clint giving him a hard pat on his back then playfully shoved him towards Rollins just as Bucky drew back from a hug with him. 

Brock stood before Jack, “Jesus look at you, you’re worse for wear."

He wasn’t really, not so much, Jack just seemed to look slightly tired, maybe a little worn. He gave him a soft smile and a shrug, “I can’t always be ready for a runway like you Princess."

Brock looked at him hard for a second before he broke out in a wily smirk, “Always gotta look good, you just never know.” 

Bucky turned with a small smile at everyone around to greet him, soaking it in. Steve was still holding onto his helmet like he was waiting for an answer and it was only then that Bucky realized he was. He hesitated for a moment, his entire being needed Steve right now. Anxiety and stress pulled at him, everything was overwhelming, tense along his shoulders and his mind screaming at him to just go. Steve quieted the monster inside him and when they drew back, it slowly bubbled back to the surface. Brock’s eyes already knew and he could only frown in disapproval beside his best friend. Bucky gave him a tiny smile in return glancing to nod at Steve, “I’ll meet up with you later.”

“Great, I’m gonna be over there after I get a few things done,” Steve turned to Natasha, Clint and Jack, trying his best to acknowledge Brock as well, “See you all tomorrow.”

There were waves, except from Brock who was instead glaring at Rollins like he was betrayed while his friend only rolled his eyes in response. Deep in his pocket he retrieved a set of keys and tossed them over to Brock, it was Jack’s set but one key in specific was really what Brock focused on, his pride and joy.

“You brought her with you?”

He only nodded and Brock couldn’t help the smile, it was their cue to get a move on themselves, tugging Bucky over and passing over his backpack, “You be careful. I don’t want you- ”

Bucky nodded at him, tightening his hold, inhaling Brock’s strong scent mixed with a light smell of aftershave and soap, “I know. I’ll see you all tomorrow. I promise. I just need to unwind and relax, get myself some sleep.”

The glare appeared again, planting a kiss at his temple, “You don’t need him to do all those things you know.”

Bucky knew Brock wouldn’t understand how one human being was a solution to his anxiety and it wasn’t, not entirely, but Steve made things better and his entire being begged to let Steve take care of him just as much as Steve wanted to. He needed the world to let them go for just a day where Bucky was just Bucky and Steve was just Steve. It wasn’t normal, he knew that but he needed one more day to say goodbye to Steve, to actually say goodbye because he knew that even if his parents wouldn’t monitor his time with Steve, Tony would and Bucky was having no part in any fights that may drum up. That was most likely the _only_ reason Brock wasn’t completely going in some parental mode about their meet up later.

He watched Brock and Jack depart, watching Brock’s loosely balled fist rise up and lightly hit Rollins’ shoulder with a grin as he said something, Jack smiling just as widely as he pulled along the suitcase behind him and Brock shouldered a duffel bag. Bucky watched the fist unfurl and press against Jack’s broad shoulder and maybe, just maybe Bucky was wrong and Brock _did_ understand the feeling of needing that one person to make you feel better about everything.

 

Bucky stepped into the apartment, finding it neat and dusted, oddly way too straightened out. Steve chuckled softly as he held the door open for him, fingers softly sweeping along the small of his back to move him in so he could close the door, “Yeah, too tidy right? Sam did it before he left for classes. He said, and I quote, ‘How’s Vanilla Ice gonna appreciate coming back to a pigsty?’ So you better say thanks because apparently my cleaning isn’t at his level.”

Bucky smiled, setting his backpack down by the door, “I like your level, it’s clean but it doesn’t smell like solvents like right now.”

Steve stared at him, chuckling a little, “Yeah, right? That’s Sam though.” He hesitated, not knowing exactly what to do next, not knowing what Bucky wanted. He only knew he wanted more of him, all he wanted to do was hold him and keep him close.

He drew back instead, taking a small step towards the couch with an absent gesture towards it, “You wanna watch a movie or something? I know you’re probably tired, you look like you are with your raccoon eyes going on there and yep I’m definitely going to make fun of you the second you get here so deal with it. We could watch a movie, order in something later, Sam should be back around dinner if he comes back since he knows you’re here and just wants you to relax and have a quiet space and- ”

Bucky turned to look at him stepping up close and into his space and all Steve could do was stop his rambling, eyes locked into his. His hands came up before he could think, cupping the sides of Bucky’s neck just under his jaw, thumbs brushing along cheekbones and Bucky only stared at him like he trusted him with everything. He watched Bucky’s hands came up, pressing around his forearms loosely, comfortably. Steve leaned in, pressing a kiss against his forehead, lips heavy and deliberate, burning it into Bucky’s skin for him to remember forever if he so chose to.

Bucky tried not to shudder under Steve’s careful touch, he concentrated on not crumbling under his lips against his skin. He hummed, faint and _happy_ , squeezing the grip he had on him drawn to Steve so easily and it was always the same, like he was Icarus and Steve was the sun. 

“I missed your dumb face Steve."

Everything was so much more substantial now for Steve, eventually pulling back to gather Bucky in his arms and hold him tight to him.

_I can’t lose you.._

“Please don’t leave me again.”

_Because I love you.._

There was a gentle noise of confirmation at the back of Bucky’s throat quickly shifting to a soft whine, “I can’t when you’re suffocating me.”

Steve let go, staring at him apologetically, "Did you really miss me?"

Bucky hummed, pretending to think. Steve felt him trail his hand up his back; no, he more _dragged_ it along, heavy and intentional. His fingers mapped each bump along Steve's spine through his shirt and he felt himself stiffen at the action before slowly melting into it. He couldn't help it, like Bucky had switched him on, or maybe off would be a better word, ready to fall on his knees helplessly and prepared to be held for the day. He didn't know how much he was locking away while Bucky had been gone, a burden lifting from him like unleashing him from some month long stay in a cage.

"I dunno." He finally let out and he could hear the smile in his voice.

Steve nuzzled his nose against Bucky's shoulder content to live there until there was some moment in time he had to eat or walk to the bathroom but for now he was content. 

"Such a liar."

Bucky drew back, smiling at him before it faded away and he was serious again. He raised a hand up to brush away strands of dirty blond hair, letting it distract him before he looked back at the Steve. 

“I did miss you, yes.”

Steve stared at him, a hopeful soft look, “Me too Buck. A lot actually, but come on. Sit with me.”

Soon they had settled in with Bucky feeling tired but refusing to sleep just yet. He resolved for curling up on his side with a light blanket for the couch and Steve’s thigh as a pillow. It didn’t help matters when fingers found their way into his hair and Bucky almost felt like crying, the swell of realization on how much he missed all the small gestures with Steve hurt so much, rubbing his cheek lightly in absent appreciation. Steve only drew his fingers out of Bucky’s hair to pet it instead and Bucky felt himself practically floating, his eyes easily closing to the touch.

Steve didn’t know how to really feel at this point in time, a juncture he was at where everything felt calm and soothing, a palm softly stroking hair and smoothing along shoulder completely slow and deliberate. He liked that Bucky liked being pet, he enjoyed the subtle changes and not so subtle ones, the way his body tried to stretch out longer and leaner even if Steve didn’t completely run a hand over the entirety of his body he still languished in it all in tune with feline characteristics. He loved how Bucky tended to always curl into his touch, practically purred and Steve couldn’t help but revel in how adorable he was over it letting himself ignore the unsettling reasons why he was like that. 

All he wanted was for Bucky to be happy.

“You should go to bed. Being on a flight and your internal clock being all screwed up probably isn’t good for you.”

“Mmph, I am sleeping, right here.”

“My bed’s more comfy than my thigh and the couch.”

“Says you.” He grumped back, curling up tighter underneath the blanket.

Bucky suddenly felt two hands prodding him to sit up, a loud sound of disapproval over being moved came out from the back of his throat and Steve only chuckled beside him, “Come on Grumpy Cat, to bed with you.”

“Why did I come back?”

“Because you can’t get over my charm.”

“Oh right, that’s why.”

It took a few more annoying prods before Steve managed to get Bucky moved to the bedroom giving him some privacy to change into his old comfortable clothes and coming back when he was called to watching him burrito himself into the blanket. 

Steve sat himself down at the end on the side Bucky slept on, gently poking the blanket shield, “I’ll be in the living room if you want anything.”

“No,” Bucky took his hand, “lay down with me, please?”

Steve nodded, giving his hand a squeeze, “Sure Buck, just let me go change too huh?”

Bucky nodded, yawning to himself and rubbing his eyes tiredly. The thought crossed Steve’s mind over how many times Bucky said that he hadn’t been sleeping well and if this was something that was going to make him feel comfortable, he would do it. 

Bucky had ended up pressed into him; they had started next to each other on their sides and talking softly about nothing too serious but Bucky slowly gravitated towards him and they fell asleep for an afternoon nap. An hour or so passed when he woke again and found that Bucky had shifted and molded himself against his body, hands desperately clinging onto his worn white t-shirt with the side of his face pushed against his chest, his ear pressed in close as if to keep a conscious line to the sound of his heartbeat.

Steve took the moment to take Bucky’s return in peace, breathing it in and letting it settle like dust on a pane. A time just for himself in Bucky’s presence and soak it all in that Bucky really was back and not taken away with the purpose of keeping him away. That was the complete point of it though wasn’t it? To take Bucky away and scare the shit out of him so he would stay away. 

He didn’t understand what they did wrong, he understood that it looked wrong and their friendship was unconventional. He had time to really think about that but it was _their_ friendship, something they shared like a bond neither of them really wanted to sever. They did nothing but take comfort in each other; Bucky was calmer, had less nightmares, less of everything. For himself, Bucky was a wonderful distraction, making him do things and see things differently, he had a better grip on his grief and the depression that followed him from time to time, but he felt like some of the world was telling them that taking care of each other was impossible as friends. Not allowed. Granted, he also did have almost a month to come to the realization that yes, he’s in love with him. He cared enough for Bucky to admit that much and he meant it. It was different but the realization didn’t make it anything easier for him.

He drew in a deep breath, soft rays of setting sunlight draped over their legs and Steve could only stare at them for a second, lost in his own head.

Eventually Bucky shifted his head off of Steve’s chest still lost in sleep and Steve watched him curiously; no lines of tension, face smooth and relaxed still awkwardly cradled between Steve’s chest and arm. His mouth was just slightly open and slack with his head sunk back into Steve’s own bicep and his throat exposed. He was utterly defenseless like this. 

Steve stared at him and he couldn’t help but bring his fingers out, light pads grazing down Bucky’s throat and along his adam’s apple. He lightly traced the fading purple red blemishes along his skin, his hand jumping back when Bucky coughed softly and swallowed in reflex before settling back into his sleep. He was clean shaven again, most likely for those appearances and meetings he had mentioned, his soft adorable slightly plump cheeks that were so suited with his sharp jawline alternated from making him look younger than what he really was to maybe a little more seductive than he really should look. He knew the angles to play them best for whatever scene he was playing for people and it was a little amazing to Steve when he could barely control his own facial features on his own face. Except right now Bucky’s cheeks were more shallow, the faded shadows around his eyes darker and wider in contrast to his milky white skin than what he was used to seeing from before.

Concern traced Steve’s features, at first to himself for not realizing immediately but he chalked that to being so happy, it shifted to Bucky not telling him during their calls and then to Bucky’s parents and maybe a fraction at Brock. How much weight had he lost? He tried to calm himself down, tightening his hold around Bucky’s side feeling ribs through his shirt and his concern flared back up. He knew he was overexaggerating, maybe; worrying over nothing, he was sure he felt them before but now he was wondering. Now not exactly sure if he did, or how much worse he was now. He was sure he was worrying for no reason, no one could answer his feelings on it anyway and it didn’t much matter because Bucky would eat again like he usually did even though it still gently nagged at him and gnawed away that what if he truly wasn’t going to just be better.

A few hours later night had fully taken over but Bucky wasn’t there anymore, instead Steve found him curled up in the empty bathtub fully clothed and wrapped in a blanket.

Steve supposed at least this time he didn't lock the door, trying his best not to feel concerned, "What are you doing in the tub?"

Sleepy eyes glanced over at him, "I don't really know. I never question random shit I do usually."

Steve gave him a gentle smile, seating himself down at the lip of the tub, reaching out to stroke his hair softly, "Are you okay?"

Bucky tilted his head into Steve's palm relishing in his touch as he nodded, "Was having weird nightmares and it was hot in the room, I didn’t want to wake you so I came here to cool down but it was too cold in here. Took an extra blanket and it balanced out."

"Will you come back to bed? Kind of I missed having you there. Maybe a bit more comfortable than the tub?"

Bucky thought for a moment then nodded to him, immediately taking Steve's hand to help himself out of the tub and they both headed back to the bedroom. Dragging the tail end of the blanket on the floor he watched Steve sit himself down on his side of the bed and Bucky could see the way he was acting, the way Steve was trying his best to make the best out of what he saw as he tried to keep himself open and patient just waiting for him to join in but his friend wasn't all that great at hiding the worry creasing along his brow. 

"I'm okay Steve."

Steve nodded, pulling the blanket up over his lap with his back pressed against the headboard. Bucky ran his tongue along the front of his teeth as he accessed the body language and knew Steve wasn't going to sleep anymore because of how he sat, rigid and wary. Maybe when he himself fell asleep he would but right now, there was no way Steve would. Bucky sighed softly as he climbed onto disturbed sheets, sitting on his knees with his blanket around shoulders.

"Really. It happens. It's going to happen. It's _fine_."

He could see Steve's hand fussing at the stitching on the blanket corner, blue eyes occasionally looking at him and nodding like he wanted to be okay with the statement but he wasn’t at all sold on the idea. Bucky let him feel how he felt, watching him carefully in the dark room with the soft hue of outside light from the window.

"I worry about you," He finally let out with a conviction in it, like he was trying to prove to everyone not here that he had the right. “I just worry. I know there’s something you don’t know how to cope with. So I worry because I can’t imagine living every single day over and over again with whatever you’re trying to hide from everyone.”

The affection Bucky had for Steve bled out inside of him, illuminating through like a million perfect little lights. He crawled towards him and brought his arms around Steve's neck, draping over his frame as he leaned in letting him take all of his weight and Steve met him with arms tight around him, a hand cupping the back of his head and his face pressing against his shoulder.

They basked in the silence until Bucky felt shoulders tensing against him and there was a wet strangled sound of air inhaled through Steve’s nose, tears quickly followed after and soaking into Bucky's shirt. He frowned, squeezing his arms around Steve's body to let him know he was there for him. He wanted to tell Steve not to cry but he only kept his lips pursed nuzzling into the mess of dirty blond hair as fingers stroked it softly feeling his larger frame curl tighter around him as he continued crying. Bucky had no idea why he thought Steve couldn’t possibly be as broken as he was.

 

Neither of them knew how much time passed in the dark, tears eventually gone away and they were just sitting in silence. Occasionally Bucky mentioned something random about while he was in Germany and Steve told him about something that would happen to him then it was quiet again, comfortable and lax. At some point their positions changed and Bucky leaned back against the headboard and Steve laid himself out, resting his head against Bucky’s thigh as he stared out the window.

“Did you know I used to ride the A train at night for hours sometimes?”

Steve rolled onto his back, staring up at him, “Really? Why?”

Bucky could only shrug at first, fingers raking softly along Steve’s scalp, “I don’t know. I liked the way the train sounded, it was soothing. I would go in and out of a doze. Drove Nat crazy with worry when she found out I did it, especially since it was always late at night so I stopped.”

Smiling up fondly at him, Steve gave Bucky’s leg a soft pat, “Do you miss it?”

He shrugged, wiggling down to lay beside him as he tugged the blanket up across his body, “Sometimes I do but then I remember it probably wasn’t safe to be sleeping on a train at odd hours anyway. Besides I like being warm and comfy. Like here.”

A small quiet titter of a laugh escaped Steve, tucking an arm behind his head, “Oh yeah?’

Bucky didn’t even dignify that with an answer, resting his head against Steve’s other arm getting himself comfortable onto his side before he was losing himself in sleep again.

He tried following Bucky’s lead but his mind was too active, thinking of this that or the other. He kept letting his frustrations take over, mulling here or there about the whole situation. At some point while he was staring at the ceiling lost away Bucky had curled up against his side head with his head tucked under his chin warm and safe with him where Steve could protect him like he wanted to. 

He hated this. Steve completely hated this. None of this had to happen. None of it whatsoever. 

He had gone over it millions of times. _Someone_ made it a plan to get Bucky away and he had no idea who, they succeeded too. His parents succeeded in teaching him some sort of lesson and scaring him at least a little bit. He was here though, for now and Steve was in love with this broken man in his arms and the only thing the separation did was force him to admit that this all really was over him. He hated this though because all it did to Bucky was break little shards of him.

He could get the babying the others did, understand that sometimes he was treated like glass. It by all means never meant he was incapable, never was seen as him being inept no, but there was something there that everyone was aware of. That much was true and no matter how obvious it was that it was a bad idea to send him away just over the fact he may be slightly unstable and prone, they did it like they were hoping it would exasperate his condition. No, none of this was right at all but Steve quietly accepted it, for now at least so he could help keep Bucky away from people trying to tear pieces out of him.

It was early morning when Bucky felt warm sunlight gently nuzzling his fingertips and when he was finally able to open his eyes a little all he saw in the soft yellow glow was hair so golden it was almost too bright for him, his fingers buried into it where it nestled so comfortably. Steve was still sleeping, beautiful lashes swept across cheekbones and only inches away from his own face. Bucky lightly swept his hand down, the pads of his fingers roaming along Steve’s sideburns and he soon opened his eyes. Bucky swore they were the bluest at that point, a sleepy half smile forming on his lips. Steve was so warm and Bucky couldn’t pull himself away, only staring in fascination too lost in how much he really missed that face in front of him.

“Hey.” 

Steve’s voice was still laced in sleep, deep and throaty, it washed over Bucky like warm cream as his hand ached to cup the back of his head and pull him close to kiss him; instead Bucky pushed him gently and Steve let him, rolling him over so he was turned around with his back to him and they settled in together with broad back pressed securely to his chest. Bucky tucked his knees behind Steve’s, one foot absently nestled between feet. He hugged him tight, both of them secure and bathing in the rays of warm light, his nose softly nudged the back of Steve’s neck and stayed there where it was nice, hugging him with his arm and tucking the other under his pillow. He felt Steve entirely lean into it while crossing his own arms against his chest loose and pliant, a palm sliding over the outside of Bucky’s wrist as the both of them eventually settled. 

This is what Bucky missed the most, laying out like this where it felt like neither of them had anything to ever do, the top of Steve’s foot idly rubbing up against his toes like nothing else mattered because it was only them in the world together. It was what made him happy. 

 

“Okay just look at the floor for a second.”

Bucky made a small sound, rolling his eyes as he hugged his mug of tea against his chest. His hair was a mess, feet tucked away in bear paw slippers that Steve enjoyed way more than necessary and one of Steve's own soft ‘old man’ cardigan’s loosely draping off his arms. It hadn’t been too long ago that they woke up, Steve letting out that his charcoal piece was done and suddenly Bucky wanted to see it and it had to be right away. It was way too early for once but Steve acquiesced to his request, not that he really had a choice on the matter with his friend threatening to go look at it himself anyway.

Steve uncovered it carefully, “I actually, with your permission of course, want this to be one of my exhibition pieces.” 

“So you got a showing?”

“No not yet, I was put on this list which means eventually I will be. They really liked my stuff and asked me to do some more pieces to have more of a selection. I’m really excited about it too, I got paintings in a storage locker as well which was all Sam’s idea, I never took them out since there were copies in my portfolio but I never showed them those because they didn’t ask for more. Looks like I may be ramping up my work load though.”

Bucky smiled at his shoes, “Hey that’s great, which gallery?”

“Studio Eighteen, I know it’s not fancy or anything but it’s simplicity is actually what I like about them. Okay you can look now.”

Raising his head, Bucky froze and stared at himself drawn in fine charcoal detail. A swell of emotion choked at him and with that a sense of pride over Steve’s work like he always did. 

“Wow, I can see why Svet was screaming now. You really make me look good Stevie.”

“It’s easy when it’s you Buck.” He easily shot back.

Steve stood just behind him and Bucky had to take a moment to take a quick breath and control himself, the itchy prickle of Steve so close when all Bucky wanted to do was hold him was too much right then, palms pressed along the seams of his sweats. He could feel the body heat rising off of him, up along the entirety of his back and down his legs, a warm hand cupping his shoulder and all Bucky would have to do is lean in and melt into it. 

“Do you really like it?”

Steve’s breath just barely danced along Bucky’s ear and he felt his cock twitch, frustration immediately took over not knowing why it was so easy to fall for anything Steve did. It was like an instinct to give in even with everything happening around them, he would barely have to make an effort to twist and convince Bucky to let him have control and he didn’t understand it at all.

He only stepped away, shoving his hands in his pockets stepping closer to the piece eventually nodding to Steve’s last question, “Yeah, I do really like it. I don’t mind if you wanna hang me up either. Anything you want as long as it’s helping you. I just hope you know, because I’m not wearing a shirt that someone doesn’t get mad when he sees it.”

Chuckling softly behind him, Steve stepped forward to stand beside Bucky, “Don’t worry about him. If he says anything I’ll just tell him the truth.”

Raising a brow he looked over at him curiously, “And what’s the truth?”

Steve shrugged trying his best to look casual, “I think you’re a little bit of a muse for me honestly.” 

“Am I?”

“Yeah you are.”

Bucky tried his best to hide the awkward shy smile he wanted to push out, feeling his face warm and moving closer to look at the details of charcoal across the heavy paper, swallowing down anything he wanted to say so his voice didn’t give him away.

Steve felt himself blush, glad Bucky wasn’t looking at him anymore. He felt like that was a big thing to admit to considering Bucky might just up and run over the idea. He wasn’t exactly sure why he was under that belief especially since he was probably one of the only people that would understand it. He just felt scared about it anyway.

“So, Studio Eighteen?”

“Yep.”

Bucky knew that gallery well, both his parents were active in purchasing art from there as well as a handful of other places. Turning around to really look at Steve, he swallowed thickly, “What if I told you I could push you to the front of that list, would you want me to?”

Steve looked at him in confusion, though the hopefulness in his eyes gave him entirely away, “What do you mean? How could you do it?”

Bucky stared him, “I just can, if you want me to. I can do that for you.”

“Buck- ”

“Yes or no Steve.”

Standing at an impasse, Steve chewed at his lip not sure if he should. Bucky was suddenly being awfully invasive with his offer which only put him on guard. He knew he was never there to set him up to fall or anything bad but there was a price and if he wasn’t paying it, it meant Bucky was.

“No. Not gonna say yes if you won’t tell me. Not if I have no idea about what you’re sacrificing to get it done. I won’t do that to you.”

Bucky smiled at him, “It’s fine.”

Fondly Steve reached over to gently cup the side of his head, fingers stroking strands of Bucky’s hair, “No, it’s not. You’re not some form of currency people use to get things done. I’d love the help but if it means something happens to you because of it I won’t ask.”

Thinking about it as Bucky leaned his head a little to the feel of Steve’s fingers in his hair, he nodded giving him another shrug as he drew back from his hand, “My dad, he can write you a letter of recommendation. It’ll be the equivalent of pushing you to the front. You’ll have a show probably right between Christmas and New Years too which would help you a lot if they’re not completely booked up. I’m just saying I could do that for you Steve, If you want me to.”

Steve stared at him, Bucky standing there hopeful and honest, he wanted to help and that’s what hurt the most because he was sure he really didn’t mind being stuck with the outcome as long as it helped Steve or whoever else he wanted to do things for.

“I can’t Buck, owing your dad really isn’t something I want to be a part of.”

“And you know I might just ask him anyway.”

And yeah, that did cross his mind too, worry crossing his features, “Before you do that can I think about it? Maybe come up with something that won’t leave the favor up in the air?”

He could already see it on Bucky’s face how determined he was to get it pushed forward now that the idea was in his head but he nodded, “Sure Steve but really think about it, I’d rather take you with me and he could see for himself that we should encourage you.”

Steve pulled Bucky in, trying to hide the mild worry on his face over the weight of what they were really setting the situation up for, “I will okay? Right now though come here, I need a hug.”

 

Steve watched Bucky eat his sandwich slowly while he sat by him on the couch near the center, still a little tired but wanting to be around where Bucky was. They still hadn’t wrangled their intimacy levels out of the awkward cloud they had hanging over them, they were both needing to touch, needing it to be real that for now that was over with and they were dealing with the amount of separation. He _needed_ Bucky in his space, had to know he was there and a constant and he already knew Bucky had needed him. 

It was only when he fixed him a sandwich, he only asked for one, that the alarms went off again and he watched a minor shell of the person he was on some level of love with just eat away at it like it was a task that it all came back to him needing answers.

“How much weight did you lose?”

Bucky froze setting the sandwich down back on the plate, his body stiff, his eyes side glancing at him in silence, fingers rubbing together to allow the crumbs to fall over his bread.

“And how come you never told me?”

Steve watched him swallow before setting the plate on the coffee table, turning his body to face his friend, and his docile nature shifted walls going up, a trace of hostility in his eyes one leg folding in front of him, a hand gesturing accusingly at him.

“This is why. _This_. You’re not even facing me and I can already feel the way you’re projecting yourself. Like you’re about to fight everyone for no reason. It wasn’t necessary to tell you Steve, what would you have done exactly? Come riding in like a knight on a horse and saved me by flying to Germany and force feeding me a fucking sandwich? Boy, Stark would have had a field day with that one.”

Steve turned to face him, body mirroring his friend’s, a flush of anger across his face not directed at anything in general only annoyed and irritated, slapping the back of the couch with a soft thud, “You’re right! I would have figured something out to get to you or be useful and your health is much more important than Tony acting out because of my concern for you. You should have told me Buck.”

Sighing out loudly, Bucky shook his head, “I couldn’t. I didn’t want to worry you. I was unhappy, I wasn’t eating or sleeping. It wouldn’t have been fair to make you worry about me Steve.”

“I was already worried about you Buck, every single day I was worried about you. We talked about this the second time you called. I wish you would have told me so you had the chance to call me if you needed me, I would have made time for you. I’d always make time for you, you know that. Always.”

Bucky made a helpless gesture with his hands, dropping his head down before him, “I don’t want you to though. Do you know how useless I feel when I know that there is an actual person in this world that I need. I don’t want to burden anyone, I don’t want to be anyone’s problem and yet I _need_ you Steve.”

There was no way Steve could hide the hitch of his breath, he couldn’t. They already knew this fact, the way Bucky attached himself to him, the bond they had. How Bucky relied on him when he got nightmares but to hear him say it was something that set off a bloom of pride in his chest over something so tragic and heartbreaking. He should have felt bad but he only fell into awe. He wasn’t stupid enough to feel like it was feelings of love; yeah he understood Bucky cared about him but he also knew how he attached himself to people in a platonic nature like they were safe. He would be naive to take something earnest and pure and change it into something romantic no matter how he felt.

Steve was just as guilty with their attachment, things were changed, they were different and he needed Bucky to need him. To feel whole again and he didn’t understand why it was only him that could do that. It wasn’t entirely over love, he really just wanted to be there to take care of him.

Steve shifted closer, enough so that their knees bumped. He wanted to pull Bucky in and hold him, never let him go but he gave him space. He also knew how much they missed each other, even if it only almost a month and not years, it _felt_ like years and even when Bucky stayed away from him for four days from their fight it hurt. He found himself occasionally making sure he wasn’t still dreaming about Bucky coming back and that he was actually back.

“What happened?”

The question broke Bucky out of his head, glancing at the television for a moment before returning to look down at his hands, “I just couldn’t eat I was so upset. Rummy caught wind of it pretty quick, he started making me drink awful supplement shakes and threatening me in his own little way if I refused. I was stressed out and unhappy being there and pretending to be someone I wasn’t and it was just nothing _I_ wanted. I had to make appearances, people took my picture, meetings, I had to give a speech for a party. The nightmares started to come back and I threw up so much the housekeeping department got real up close and personal with what I may or may not have eaten. I had to take the pills sometimes but I gave them to Brock to keep, I hate taking them and I didn’t want it to alter my head somehow into thinking maybe just one more, maybe just a small one or something. I needed him to hide them just in case. The closer I got to coming home, the calmer I got, I began to eat more, not a lot but something. Brock and even Svetlana tried to help as much as they could, hold me and assure me, I wanted them to but the problem was that it never brought me back home and because they weren’t you.”

He drew in a breath wanting to tell him about that night at the party, he wasn’t sure why but he felt like Steve would have thrown some serious anger towards him if he heard about it later..somehow. He wasn’t sure but Steve was Steve and felt the man would have reacted in the negative if he it held back.

He wasn’t exactly positive on if he should though..

“You’re hiding something Bucky, what else happened?”

He flinched, a soft noise escaping him and Steve pursed his lips, staring at him with a careful gaze.

“I lied..when we video chatted that first time and I was baking."

Steve watched Bucky carefully, his voice wavering a little, “When you told me those bruises were from someone grabbing you from tripping and not knowing their own strength.”

Bucky kept his gaze a second before he looked away feeling the rush of shame soaking into him as he folded his arms over his chest nervously, “Someone hit on me. Some guy, I don’t remember..a president of something or other, an important man I guess. He seemed to know me from before even though I don’t recall ever meeting him before that night but then I told you how off the kilter I was last time I was there.”

Steve’s entire body tensed, a swirl of negative emotions coming forward, his hands gripping Bucky’s arms just above his elbows to get him to look at him, “Did he touch you anywhere else?”

Bucky glanced at him, feeling slightly withdrawn, shaking his head, “No, a little, just grabbed my ass. I think he would have tried something if his plan to distract Brock hadn’t failed but Rummy, he’ll never leave me. He might have some issues but I can always count on him, he almost threw him off the top floor of the building.”

“Thank God.” Steve sighed out with a glance up like he was looking at God himself before he dropped it back down to look at Bucky again, “I wish he did.”

Bucky screwed his face up slightly in a disappointed frown, “You don’t mean that.”

Steve loosened his grip, rubbing Bucky’s arms gently surprised at himself over how much he did actually mean it. 

“If someone was hitting on you and still trying or worse after you said no, I’d honestly hope they got away from me Buck I promise you. You should never be in a situation like that, people out there touching you in a way you don’t want. Like that guy at the bar trying to touch your face. What the hell is that? What’s _wrong_ with those people?”

“I’m okay though.” He muttered out gently, reaching up to softly run the back of his fingers across the light scruff on Steve’s jaw.

“I’m serious Bucky.”

Brows raised up slightly, grey blue eyes brightening, “I know Steve.”

He bit his lip, chewing and worrying on the spot til it stung and throbbed lightly, his hand moving to stroke Steve’s hair almost curiously. It had grown out a little, swept to the side like he usually had it but not so clean cut anymore, he liked it. Fingers combing through it lazily, watching it with a little smile.

Steve tilted his head, not taking his eyes off Bucky’s face, a lost look in the brunette’s eyes as he studied his hair almost wistfully, he almost smiled at the sight if it wasn’t for the fact that he was grinding his teeth over that last bit of admission.

“If it makes you feel any better, Brock booted him in the dick and he was wearing some pretty heavy duty dress shoes.”

Steve couldn’t help the laughter abruptly bursting out of him, pulling Bucky close as his forehead dropped onto his shoulder, his own shoulders jumping while he laughed harder.

“I shouldn’t be laughing but good! At least he got something but _ouch_ too. Brock doesn’t cut corners, does he?”

“No. He doesn’t. He’s a bull in a china shop if he’s provoked.”

He paused when his phone rang and he grabbed it off the table, almost dropping it when it tumbled out of his hand, his other catching it and he looked at Steve giving him a quick shake of his head not to say a word.

“Dad.”

Steve immediately tensed, his hands smoothing out across his thighs and his shoulders tightening as he stared at Bucky carefully as he answered.

“Hello?”

“James, I wanted you to know that I have wired a commission for your services in Germany to your private account."

Bucky automatically folded his arm over his chest, curling into himself as he drew his shoulders in and Steve lightly touched Bucky’s knee to remind him he wasn’t by himself, "You didn't have to. You told me to go, I didn't expect any payment."

“Be that as it may, it's done already. Do as you like with it if you refuse it, it is yours. Give it to Natalia, give it to some animal appropriate charity since you like those so much. Whatever you like, goodbye."

A small dumbfounded sound escaped him, echoing a goodbye before his father hung up and Bucky put his phone away back on the table. 

Steve frowned, carefully reaching a hand out, curling fingers gently around Bucky’s, “You alright?”

He nodded, giving Steve’s hand a light squeeze, “My dad was just informing me he paid me a commission for being in Germany.”

“That’s..weird.”

“A little.”

Tilting his head against the back of the couch, Steve lightly stroked his thumb along the side of Bucky’s hand, “I assume you can’t do much about it except accept it.”

Bucky nodded, glancing at him.

“But you don’t want to be paid for something that was forced on you.”

“I don’t.” Bucky swallowed, eyes shifting to look towards the phone as he nervously squeezed Steve’s hand again, “My father thinks rewarding me will cause me to forget how disappointed he is with me every single day. I’m not exactly sure why he even bothers really, he does whatever he wants to do and always reminds me constantly that I am his little disappointment. I think it’s his way to avoid owing me, not that making me go is tied to favors but he’d probably rather pay me than really sort out the politics on it.”

Steve sighed out loudly through his nose, irritated and trying push down the angry protective monster fighting to get out of him, “And you’re not. Not to us, probably not to a lot of people you know. You’re far from a disappointment.”

Bucky was quiet for a long while, looking towards the floor but not exactly focused on it. He barely moved, hand barely registering against the one holding his. All Steve could do was watch and wait, being there for when Bucky was ready to speak or say something. 

Finally after a little time he looked his way, face sullen and slightly downcast, “Steve?”

“Yeah Buck.”

He drew in a tired breath, glancing at him unsure, “Can you.. just hold me again?”

Steve refused to reply to such a simple request, especially when it came from Bucky. He only gathered him up with arms moving around his waist, pulling him onto his lap, his legs draped off to the side and Bucky’s face curled against the side of his neck, his hand closest to Steve tucked into his own lap while his other rested on Steve’s opposite shoulder the ends of his fingers brushing and curling into his hair.

“Thank you.”

The blond raised a brow, “For what?”

“For being Steve.”

Steve held him close, warm breath dancing against his skin as he lightly stroked Bucky’s side. He glanced at the television, trying to blink back tears, “I’ll always be your Steve.”

And that was all Bucky really wanted in life.

 

Later in the afternoon Bucky found himself gripping the porcelain so tightly his knuckles had gone white, hovering over the sink lost in thoughts and riding out the wave of anxiety washing over him. He thought it would be fine, that he could do it but he couldn’t. There was no way he’d be able to. He stood upright, staring at his pallid face, softly breathing out his mouth, grey eyes so faded and light. He couldn’t. He’d lie, do something to make an excuse. He just needed more time-

He turned to the knock at the door, worry crossing his face.

“Buck? You doing okay in there? It’s quiet and..we should go soon.”

A nervous shudder hiccuped out of him, backing against the wall opposite to the door, staring at it. “I’m okay, I just..I was just texting someone.”

Steve made a sound like he was amused, “How? By telepathy? Your phone is on the coffee table. Seriously Buck, are you okay?”

Sighing to himself, Bucky dropped his head back against the wall with a soft sigh. He walked the couple of steps to the door, standing in front of it, thinking and sorting, reaching a hand out to lightly press against the door where he imagined Steve’s chest was at the other side right then.

“I can’t go, I don’t want to go tonight.”

It was quiet for a few seconds but he could hear Steve shuffling outside the door in the hall before he just stopped, the door making a small noise when he knew Steve pressed against it.

“Bucky open the door, please.”

And Bucky did, because it was Steve, stepping back just enough to let the door swing in and he stared at him while he bit down on his bottom lip.

Steve exhaled, looking back, “Tony?” 

He tilted his head away, “Maybe he didn’t do it, but if anything pisses him off he’s got me by the balls and I can’t do that again Steve. I can’t. It’d be too much and I shouldn’t even be here and I’m sorry.”

A gentle sympathetic smile appeared against Steve’s lips, stepping forward to pull Bucky into a hug and Bucky went into large warm arms, “Stop apologizing. You don’t have to apologize for anything okay? I would have asked Tony not to come if I had to because everyone wants to spend time with you, they’re there to see you not Tony. I’d have to duck out early to go spend some time with him too but I would never stop you from a dinner you were the main guest at.”

Bucky scrunched his brows together, “Would have?”

Nodding, Steve drew back, picking up the towel off the counter to place in Bucky’s hands, “Yeah. Would have. He’s not coming. He left late last night with Bruce for some engineering symposium. He really wanted to go but they had to finish something last minute to get the chance to, asked me to come too but I missed so much work, I gotta make up for it before Nick fires me or replaces some of my shifts with some new guy which will only force me to quit and look for a new job. He’s been very patient with me and that guy is real intimidating so I’ll take what I can get.”

He smiled, “So go take your shower and just look forward to dinner, okay? One step at a time, none of us are going to make you do anything you don’t want to.”

“I don’t know why I’m like this.”

“You’re okay, just working yourself up that’s all. You take that hot shower and I’ll start cleaning up in the kitchen and make sure everything is ready to get packed up, okay?”

Bucky’s face suddenly lit up like he was remembering something, “Don’t take the stuff out of the oven that’s kept warm until we’re calling the cab. Just the pie and- ”

Steve hushed him, stopping his words when his hands cupped at his jaw, “Relax, I know. I’ll put some foil over your blueberry pie and for reassurance slip it into that hard plastic pie container thing I got.”

Bucky raised a brow, “You got a pie container?”

Steve nodded, “It’s not as fancy as you getting an ice cream maker from God knows where while I was napping on the couch but I did.”

“Excuse me, you act like you can’t pull an ice cream maker for somewhere.”

Steve shook his head, “I can’t, I’m not made of money.”

Bucky only pushed him out, “Go check to see if it’s firmed up, ass.”

Now that was something Steve could do. He took a second to listen to the curtain part and the water turn on before he made his way over to the kitchen inhaling the scent of blueberry and cinnamon mixed in the air with garlic and bacon, the lingering sweet cloying scent of maple sat in the background and after Sam he wasn’t sure if all these smells were ever going to permeate around him ever again in his own home. 

He ducked his head in the oven, making sure nothing had dried out, the pie sat on the counter quietly looking at him with perfectly delicate crimped edging and a lattice over the top of it that had strips of dough woven together in occasional braids because Bucky was so _extra_ sometimes and did things to make Steve feel like he was more amazing than he already knew. 

Speaking of being extra, he turned to the dish rack and grabbed a spoon, opening the freezer to take out the one and a half quart ice cream container that was sitting in there. He took the lid off and skimmed the spoon across it whittling away a sliver of ice cream and smoothing it out before returning it. It was a good consistency for pie and now that he could taste it, Steve wasn’t sure he wanted them to take it over there. The moan he let out was obscene and _loud_ the second it hit his tongue, dropping his head against the fridge. He lightly punched the top of his poor defenseless kitchen chair, not realizing how good fresh vanilla and that honey they got from the market mixed together would make him feel lost in the perfect flavor balance letting himself indulge in it for a second before he righted himself up and tossed the spoon into the sink.

 

Natasha was looking outside the window when she saw a bright yellow taxi cab pull into the complex driving slow as it made its way down the long row of townhouses, a glass of red wine at her lips but not drinking it, fingernails parting the sheer curtain by the doorway. Sam walked down the small hall of his entryway with his hands in his pockets, watching over her head as Bucky and Steve both climbed out with a dish in each hand and their cab driver getting out to get their door and a couple of gift boxes out of the trunk. Steve managed to tuck the ice cream tub under his armpit so Bucky could pay, turning his head to sneeze into his elbow. Steve immediately turned into a worry wart and began invading his friend’s space while Bucky only fussed and shook his head away.

Sam turned to get his shoes on to go help, “You think he’s going to go through with it?”

“Bucky?”

“Yeah.”

She nodded, “He will, or try to at least.”

He flashed her a careful smile before he threw the door open with a grin, jogging out to relieve Steve of the ice cream and grabbing the pie from Bucky. Bucky in turn took the bag of giftbags and moved past them without waiting for an inquiry about it, curling into Natasha’s arms when she intercepted him at the door leaving a red lipstick stain on his cheek. He let her rub it off with one eye closed before he opened the closet door and tucked the boxes away.

“What did you bring?”

“You _know_ what I brought.”

“It’s Thanksgiving, not Christmas Kotyonok.”

Bucky raised his chin up defiantly, “It’s whatever I want it to be.”

She laughed, turning to Steve at the door, taking one of the dishes off his hands as she gave him a kiss on his cheek.

The townhouse smelled like _home_ , like how Bucky felt like it should smell like; how the kitchen always had an aroma like this when he was younger and Imogen made cakes and pies and millions of dishes during Christmas and they had extra help for her because there were parties going on all the time. Cinnamon and nutmeg and a delicious array of other scents while candles burned off all around the kitchen and living room, the place itself warm and so very cozy. 

“Storm, I’m gonna fuckin’ kill you if you- ”

“Ha! Blue shell bitches!”

“I’m gonna fuckin’ throw you out this fuckin’ window! Jackie punch him for me!”

“Brock stop elbowing me.”

“Aw man I’m fourth place.” 

Bucky peeked in to see Clint pouting about his fourth place, his voice a little higher and his tone was off spying that he wasn’t wearing his hearing aids, he was sitting at one end on the floor in front of the television with Johnny on the other end and Brock and Jack sandwiched between them. Brock attempted to play while leaning into Jack who was trying not to move because Johnny was pushing into him from the other side. Bucky could only smile, moving back to the kitchen seeing cream that hadn’t finished being whipped so he put on the extra apron on the door to finish it off.

“Barnes!”

He raised his head to tilt it towards Sam’s disapproving face before Sam walked past him tenting the turkey and setting it aside beside what he assumed by the foiled shape was a ham. 

“That’s not your job.”

Bucky only shrugged, watching Natasha enter and drain the potatoes to mash them up, Sam getting started on gravy. Steve peered around, undoing the buttons on his shirtsleeves to roll them up, “Hey, you guys need help with anything?”

“Yeah check the sweet potatoes and make sure they aren’t on fire and- Hey! Get your damn fingers outta there!” Sam suddenly waved a wooden spoon in Bucky’s direction, swatting the air in front of Johnny’s face who looked like the cat that caught the cream, fingers covered in a healthy dollop of it. 

“I just came in to get some drinks, but no one told me Bucky was here.” Johnny licked off his digits with a lascivious smile as Bucky rolled his eyes at him, Johnny turning to run his hands under the tap before turning to grab some sodas out of the fridge bumping his hip against Bucky’s before going back into the living room.

Sam peeked over at the whipped cream when he was finished what he was doing, “I can transfer that for you, go sit down Bucky.”

“You sure?’

“Yes! Go, you aren’t supposed to be lifting a finger now go, mingle.”

Bucky begrudgingly sighed, nodding as he took the apron off, bunching it and pressing it into Sam’s hand, “Fine, fine.”

Sam smiled at him, “There’s some snacks on the table in the living room, dinner should be ready in about thirty minutes.”

“Sounds good.”

Steve waited for Sam to come back over to check the sweet potatoes, Natasha cutting up some chives behind them, “I thought he was kidding about inviting Johnny.”

Sam shrugged, “Nope, he turned up on the doorstep with Natasha and Clint.”

“Just because you don’t like him doesn’t mean we don’t.” Nat shot out over her shoulder.

Steve sighed inwardly, “I don’t dislike him, I’m just..”

Nudging him with his elbow, Sam grinned, carrying the yeast rolls into the oven, “ _Jealous_. Yeah, we got that much my friend.”

“No."

Natasha made a small noise of amusement as she covered the dish of mashed potatoes, “Envious?”

Steve rubbed the back of his neck with a roll of his eyes, “ _No_.”

Sam shut the door of the oven leaning by the counter with his arms folded over his chest, “He can’t be envious all they pretty much do is play hide the salami..unless..”

“Sam! No don’t even.”

Trying her best not to laugh, Natasha moved to head towards the living room catching Bucky approaching the snack table Sam had set up, eyeing the herb and garlic cheese dip and crackers. Generally he would have hauled half the serving into a plate and sat down inhaling it but now he thought about how much his body convulsed and trembled when he was throwing up violently, tears prickling his eyes and the _burn_ in his throat. He didn’t want it to happen again, he hated it, helpless and just going through the motions til it was over.

A gentle arm wrapped around his body, “You haven’t given me a chance to look at you after a rest Kotyonok. How are you? Are you hungry? I made you that lemon cake you like.”

Bucky couldn’t take his eyes off the crackers, he reached over for one but abruptly pulled his hand away. He didn’t see the way Natasha was frowning at the exchange, her fingers lightly soothing the arm farthest away from her. 

“You don’t have to- ”

“ _Destul_..” It was practically a soft mewl, begging her.

She nodded, giving him a squeeze and pressing a kiss into his shoulder, “Alright, I’m sorry. You’re alright, just need to settle in again huh?”

He nodded, leaning into her resting his head against the top of hers.

Jack snuck away from the whole lengthy Mario Kart battle to go into the kitchen, clapping his hands together, “You two need any help with anything?”

“Hm, maybe,” Sam uttered looking around, pointing an oven mitt in the direction of the covered turkey, “It’s been about ten or so minutes since that’s been out, any qualms about carving?”

Shaking his head, Jack began rolling up his sleeves and washing his hands, “Just give me a dish to serve it in and a set for carving and I’ll be good to go. I can do the ham too if you want.”

Sam took a quick glance in the oven for the rolls, then got him two deep serving dishes for the meats, “You’re a good man Rollins.”

Jack only chuckled, uncovering the bird while Steve finished off some of the dirty dishes catching someone walking up the short driveway his foot nudging Sam’s ankle, “Hey did you know about this?”

Sam followed and looked outside, a smile appearing across his face, “Yeah I did. Get those rolls out in two minutes Steve. Two, Jack please remind him. I don’t want my buns to burn.”

He gave both of them looks and pointed an index finger at each of them daring to make a joke but they both kept their mouths shut with childish smiles. 

Sam left, giving Brock a pat on the shoulder as he was coming up to the kitchen, “Great, figured you might show your head in here any time now, if you don’t mind could you help Jack with the ham?”

Brock looked mildly caught off guard, looking from Jack to Sam then he nodded, “Of course, I’m better than him at it anyway.”

Rollins flashed him a look before going back to separating the turkey legs, Sam pointing out where the knife block was and the drawer for his other utensils before making a quick exit to the living room and completely ignoring the desperate look Steve gave him the moment Rumlow was in his line of sight. 

"Now Bucky, I really hope this wasn't stepping on any toes but since this was a special family dinner we got another guest coming, of course if my family could have been here there'd be no room for extra people."

Steve laughed, nodding in agreement from the kitchen.

Bucky raised his head to look over in confusion, "Huh?"

There was a knock at the door and Sam went to go get it, his voice lowered and he came back with Imogen on his arm, gingerly taking the casserole dish she was holding.

"What?" Was all Bucky could blurt out, his eyes glued to her as he scrambled off the couch her arms already out for him when he ran up to pull her into a hug. He clung to her tightly, crushing his cheek against the side of her face.

"Oh how I missed you Bluejay."

He looked past her shoulder to everyone looking sentimental, "I'll kill everyone that arranged this, you damn thoughtful assholes."

She drew back slapping his hand gently with a raise of her brow and he was startled for a moment, "Sorry, none of you are ass- uh buttholes." 

She laughed with everyone else, cupping his cheeks and getting a good look at him for a long time before she pinched one, "I hope you have room to eat because I see you haven't been."

He lowered his eyes, "I was just unhappy."

She gave him a wider smile, patting his cheek soothingly, her thumb softly brushing over the apple of his cheek, "I know James, I know."

She turned to Sam, petting the lid of the heavy dish he held, “That’s James’ favorite, macaroni and cheese. I made it just before I got here so it’s still warm.”

Panic hit Sam when he realized Steve was beside him through the whole thing which meant he hadn’t gotten the yeast rolls out, turning in horror, Steve suddenly realized the same thing both of them turning to Jack smirking at them as he finished up the turkey, a large tray sat on the stove of golden rolls pressed together and waiting to be pulled apart and put in a basket.

“You’re a lifesaver.”

Jack only chuckled again, head turned to focus on carving the breast meat, Brock at his side playfully shoving him with an elbow.

Peeking into the oven, he found half a dozen dishes already in there on low keeping warm, Sam turning back to the pair of them with a wide grin, “Really, I mean this.”

He moved to get the side table set between the kitchen and living room cleared out that had the snacks, Natasha giving Imogen a hug before jumping up to help Sam clear up with Steve coming over to move the wine and bottled sodas onto empty counter space while Bucky cleaned up the video games and console so no one ended up walking on them. Johnny began moving stray chairs around the oval shaped dining table, a rich deep brown that looked aged but obviously handed down and kept with pride. A table cloth and placements already placed around for nine, it was going to be snug but definitely alright.

Clint and Imogen talked on the couch, signing away back and forth, a fond smile on his face as he carried on gesturing with his hands and she laughed lightly, holding his hand to give it a small squeeze. She pulled him close and he hugged her tight, letting his eyes close as he pressed a kiss into her hair.

Brock finished his end of the carving, taking the chance to say hi to their latest guest by giving her a hug and sitting beside her.

Steve watched Bucky smile and walk over to him while people were setting out drinks and dishes. He hadn’t really gotten much of a chance to see how he was doing since they arrived but obviously he was in good hands with everyone. 

“So, how are you holding up?”

Bucky smiled, giving him a little shrug, “I’m fine maybe still feeling a little surprised over how great and amazing you all worked on this but I’m happy. How about you?”

“Is being happy that you’re happy an answer?”

“Rogers, never stop being a nerd."

“That’s an easy promise to make.”

Laughing, Bucky playfully leaned against Steve’s arm and all Steve could do was move it so he could drape it around Bucky’s shoulders giving him a gentle squeeze. 

They stayed back watching Natasha pick up two plates, ushering Clint to go sit down while he protested through sign language at her and she only smiled at him, planting a kiss on his nose, nudging her shoulder at the table again. Clint sighed and dropped his own shoulders, trudging to go sit down at the table, working to get two glasses for their drinks. Johnny was too busy hassling Brock to get food until Imogen said something and suddenly Storm was amazingly full of manners again. Jack stood way too tall over the older woman stooping a little as he talked excitedly about something, a hand resting at her back as hers rested against the small of his and she only threw her head back and fell against him, playfully hitting his chest. Jack laughed back just as hard and it was only interrupted by Brock shoving three plates in Rollins’ hands gesturing for him to get food and Imogen playfully pinched Brock’s cheek while he tried convincing her to go sit down. She, of course, refused to instead taking one of the plates Jack held to rest it in Brock’s hands and directing him to the table of food and ending the start of a protest with a kiss on his cheek and a gentle push. If Brock looked back, it was only to make sure Jack would get the same treatment because it wouldn’t be fair now would it? 

Bucky couldn’t hide the smile across his face ducking it away while Steve only stared at him practically feeding off the way he was happy at the people he cared about being happy. 

Sam approached the both of them with a roll of his eyes, “You two better get some food before those guys all eat it up.”

Steve gestured for Sam to join him, casually rerouting Bucky to the table where Clint and Johnny already were, “Go sit, I’ll bring you a plate.”

Bucky scrunched his face, “But- ”

Smiling, Sam shrugged a little, “How about this, I’d like some wine please. Steve gets your food you get our drinks?”

Frowning and letting out a small huff knowing he couldn’t really argue, Bucky only nodded, giving Steve a questioning look about what he wanted to drink.

“A water is fine Buck.”

They watched Bucky go with a glare at them and then Steve steered Sam to the table first, his best friend not bothering to argue, especially when his stomach made a noise over all the chatter.

Waiting for at least one person to clear out before he started, Steve grabbed two plates setting them down as he gently routed them, dishing in a little of everything on each plate.

Imogen came up beside him, giving him a soft smile, “Hello again Steve.”

Steve grinned, giving her a half hug, hand setting down the gravy boat, “Hey, how are you doing?” 

“I’m very good thank you,” She nodded towards the second plate that had an extra yeast roll and way too much mac and cheese, “Is that James' plate?"

Steve nodded, Imogen gave him a warmer smile, stopping him from spooning the brussel spouts onto that plate, "Oh no Dear, no. Has he told you about raisins?"

Steve laughed nodding in amusement, "Yes, they're a bane to the world as far as he's concerned."

She nodded, giving his arm a squeeze, "Then you'll skip the sprouts. If you want him to eat vegetables without making a scene stick to the spinach salad, the green beans and the potatoes. Don't give him too much stuffing and macaroni even if he makes a face. He'll turn into a ball of dough, that one."

Steve grinned, "I've been telling him to come work out with me."

She laughed, placing some slices of ham on the plates for him, "You would think with a partner like you he would jump to it."

Steve blushed lightly, “Ah well he still doesn’t want to."

"Oh don't give up, he just might change his mind. He would be so lucky. Besides- "

Brock stepped in from Steve’s other side, peering at him up and down like he was waiting for him to say something before he gave Imogen a smile, taking the plate without the sprouts, “I’ll take this.”

Steve gaped a little, watching him turn with a smirk, striding to the table and setting the plate down before Bucky. Bucky looked up and smiled at him before Johnny pulled him back into whatever he was saying, Brock taking the seat Steve was planning to take ultimately _Brock blocking_ him. That was a term right? Because it was so fitting right then.

“Oh don’t mind Brock, he’s always been testy when it came to James.”

Looking back at her Steve nodded, spooning some sweet potatoes onto his plate, “Yeah, I noticed.”

She pinched his cheek lightly, patting at his arm, “Maybe one day things will change for you.”

Confusion shrouded the cryptic way she said what she did until he watched her nod to Bucky and then it dawned on him and he couldn't help but blush harder, "I guess I'm just that obvious."

Her laugh was light and airy, patting his hand before making a move to head to the dining table, "No. I wasn't sure at first, I thought maybe you just cared a lot. You know how that goes. I didn't realize it was all your heart talking like that until I saw your face when you thought you almost lost him. I've been around long enough to know a look like that."

Steve started to wonder who didn’t know about how he felt these days. He quickly joined the table himself after grabbing some more turkey, no one touching their food only getting situated practically shoulder to shoulder to each other not that anyone minded.

Sam was at the head end of the table looking around with a pleased smile, “So I know I just met a couple of you and it’s really nice that I’m not drunk this time but anyway it’s always been tradition during Thanksgiving to say Grace before we eat so if you don’t mind, could we all join hands?”

Everyone did as requested, Steve nestled between Natasha and Sam while Jack rummaged through his jeans pocket to retrieve his lighter and get the centerpiece candles lit that everyone had forgotten to get through all the commotion. They all bowed their heads as Sam waited for everyone, serious and patient.

“Our Father, for this day, for our friends, for our family, for this food, we thank Thee. Amen.”

There was a soft rumble of _amen’s_ before the gentle music of moving cutlery and soft conversation filled the air.

 

Steve was actually so happy at how everything had come out. Dinner was delicious and with everyone pitching in it was a grand wholesome effort and a satisfaction that was on everyone’s faces. Imogen took her leave soon after, saying it was getting late and Bucky promised to check in later in the week, though she wasn’t safe from Sam packing a healthy plate of food for her to take back. Natasha, Brock and Jack were all cleaning up and doing the dishes, shutting out Sam from the work. He eventually quit fighting it and was watching the television with Clint and yelling at it while the football game played on. Bucky was on the couch completely ignoring them in favor of carrot cake and Johnny. The pair of them cuddled in so tightly together they were sharing one couch cushion between them. Steve tried his best not to feel bothered by it not that they did anything to make it subtle.

“ _Jo_..Jo stop it!” Bucky laughed out, crinkling his nose at Johnny’s invading thumb and index covered in frosting pretending to touch his face with it. Jo smirked at him, licking his thumb and Bucky only mirrored his expression, snatching his pinkie to tug his hand closer and lick up Johnny’s finger, his tongue flicking off the tip of it as he kept staring, eyes locked at him. Johnny immediately flushed, leaning forward to bump their heads together saying something only Bucky could hear and Bucky only beamed in return, thumbing the frosting to brush it against his friend’s bottom lip to watch him lick it off.

“Hey! Bucky, I didn’t make you carrot cake to be all sexual with it!”

They both turned to Sam’s waggling finger and grinned, Johnny sitting up straighter while Bucky cleaned off any bits of icing on his hand with a napkin and took the fork to eat a little.

“It’s really good Sam, I mean it. I’d love you to make this again next week or something? I’ll trade you cupcakes for it.”

Clint’s eyes lit up as he read Bucky’s lips, “Someone better call me, I’ll come running with a fork in my hand!”

“Cupcakes? Oh you better believe I’ll make you more carrot cake for cupcakes don’t be fooling me about that!”

They all laughed, Jack joining them on the couch and Bucky immediately abandoned Johnny for him, Jack lifting his arm so Bucky could cuddle in like he liked and wrap his arms around his friend’s waist giving him a kiss on the cheek. 

Jack smirked at him, "Kocham cie, sloneczko.” 

Bucky made a pleased sound, nuzzling into the side of his chest with a yawn as Johnny leaned against him with his own yawn following close behind. 

They all soaked in a few minutes of turkey coma before Brock sat down on the couch with a huff beside Rollins, looking over to the trio. He stabbed two fingers against the slight swell of Jack’s belly from eating way too much, “Fat fuck.” 

Jack smiled, never deterred by him, glancing over, “I got two babies, one under my arm and now I got a food baby. They both want you to shut the hell up.”

Bucky made a small sound of agreement, settling into the soft hum of the football announcers in the background and the warm bodies snuggled around him. He could definitely fall asleep like this for the rest of the night if Sam didn’t mind.

It only lasted until everyone was relaxing in the sitting room trying to digest and Bucky forced himself to wiggle out of his comfy spot to get the items out of the the closet he had hid away, “So I got some of you gifts, some I couldn’t bring or are coming in later.”

“Buck, you don’t give out gifts for Thanksgiving.”

Bucky only made a face at him, “Rogers, you do what you want to do. I’ll do what I want to do.”

Defeated, Steve only nodded, sitting out on the floor with his back against the couch watching him hold a look of determination to do what he liked. He watched him go around the room and hand out gifts of various shapes and sizes. Jack leaned against Brock to see inside his gift bag but was only met with colorful tissue. Bucky fished one more box from the large plastic bag and handed it to him, “For you.”

“Me? Buck you shouldn’t.” 

Bucky rolled his eyes, “What did I just tell Steve? And I buy you a gift every time and every time you say the same shit, it’s getting old Jack.”

He smirked, “I keep saying it because you really don’t need to buy me anything."

He turned around and eyed everyone quietly holding their gifts, some trying to look inside without opening, “Well, I know I’ve only known some of you for so long and I might be off with a couple of you. Clint, your gift is at home I got you a new bow to play with.”

Clint tilted his head, holding the small gift wrapped box that was for Natasha signing out to him, _“I’d say you shouldn’t have but you won’t listen anyway so thank you.”_

_“You welcome,”_ He signed back turning to Johnny and Steve, “You two, Steve your gift is coming in a day or so and Jo, I know you can get whatever you want but what I decided for you I’ll show you later.”

He chose to ignore the wolf whistles Clint and Sam were letting out behind him, rolling his eyes.

“Buck, you got me a suit, I don’t think you need to get me anything else.”

Bucky only stuck his tongue out at Steve and Johnny pulled him over, Bucky going easily enough, arms wrapping around him feeling Johnny’s mouth pressing against the back of his neck while he casually gestured Sam, Natasha, Brock and Jack to go ahead.

Holding an unmarked envelope in his hand, Sam was already used to large gifts in small packages, opening it up to find a pair of football tickets, his brows slowly rising up and then his eyes widened, “Bucky these are center seats right up front.”

Grinning Bucky nodded, “Yeah I know, amazing how I noticed that when I got them.”

Sam gave him a dirty look, turning back to peek at them again, touching them lightly like he wasn’t sure what to do about it, “I can’t..thank you? I just, wow you really didn’t have to do this. This is really amazing thank you so much.”

Bucky only shrugged, a playful note of sarcasm in his voice, “I figured you’d like them.”

Pulling himself out of his seat abruptly, Sam threw his arms around Bucky and gave him a hug and all the brunette could do was roll his eyes, giving his back a pat, smiling at him, “Alright, go sit down.”

Sam could only listen, pointing a finger at him as a vague teasing threat pressing the tickets to his chest, looking over at Natasha to see what she got. She held up an arrow necklace, looking at Bucky with a stoic face, “The tag says it’s from Clint.”

Bucky nodded, glancing over at Jack and Brock ruffling through their gifts before nodding to Clint, “He said the clasp for the one you had to fix was faulty, so I got a brand new one with him.”

Clint carefully pulled it from her fingers, his body facing hers as he paid no mind to the rest of the group, putting it on around her neck, “This one is better, it’s got a lifetime warranty at one of those boutique jewellery stores and they made sure the clasp was really sturdy and since Barnesy was paying for it, it’s a little more expensive than what I could afford.”

“Yeah, save your money for a wedding ring.” Johnny let out behind Bucky.

There were some nods and Natasha smirked, looking at her friends knowing Clint had no idea what they said, just looking at her like she was the best thing in the world which was how he always looked at her. She turned back to him, staring affectionately before she leaned in and gave him a tender kiss as she signed to him a thank you, ignoring the cat calls and wolf whistles they were getting especially Sam’s hand heart that he pressed to his chest with a tilt of his head and the bat of his lashes.

“Kid, how’d you know I needed new gloves?”

Bucky grinned at the lovebirds, turning to Brock’s voice as he pointed at Jack, Jack himself holding up a brand new black leather jacket with a surprised look and before he could ask Bucky pointed at Brock. 

Jack pulled off the couch and slipped the jacket on, shaking his head with a stretch of his arms, “You really shouldn’t have Buck, it’s too nice of a gift.”

Beaming at him, Bucky twirled his finger in the air to get Jack to turn around before he turned back again Bucky playfully winking at his friend, “You look fine as hell Rollins so you have to keep it. Besides it’s tailored for you, can’t return it.”

Brock only snorted, trying on his new gloves with a lion embossed on the backs of them, punching his fists together and nodding appreciatively. He swung an arm around Bucky’s shoulders, pressing a kiss against his temple, “Thanks for the gloves Kiddo, I love ‘em.”

“Do I get a kiss too?” Johnny asked, puckering his lips.

“With my fist if you want.”

Jack pushed himself in between Brock and Johnny, hugging Bucky who was still sitting in Johnny’s lap, “Thanks for the jacket, I can’t tell you enough.”

Bucky only hugged him as tight as he could, rubbing his face into Jack’s cheek, “You welcome.”

Brock checked his phone a couple hours later pressed between Bucky and Jack, lightly nudging Rollins in the ribs and watching him sit up again as he yawned. He caught Sam looking over and pulled himself to his feet, “Well we should get going. Jack’s practically passing out and I gotta get some things done so I need to drop him off before I do them."

Everyone had been around the bend long enough to know what that meant and nodded carefully about it.

“Clint and I could drop Jack off if you want Brock." 

“Nah, I wanna sit with Jackie, look over that stuff he’s got set up for his recovery thing. See how it goes."

Bucky had been cleaning up the gift bag mess and took it to the side, “Let me walk you two to the door then." 

Pulling himself off the couch, Johnny raised a hand, “Might be my cue to get going too, my phone’s blowing up so I should go while I got time. Anyone wanna come with? Buck?"

He only shook his head in response, “I wanna hang out here, raincheck?"

Johnny smirked, “You don’t even have to ask.”

“Whoa whoa whoa, who’s leaving because you all need to take some food off my hands.”

Before there were any protests, Sam scrambled off his armchair and got out some take out containers to fill them with food. Since there was no stopping him, Jack helped fill them up and Sam gave him a grateful look before grabbing more to fill those ones with dessert goodies. Eventually when Sam was finally satisfied, Brock, Jack and Johnny were out the door carrying two large take out containers each, all heading towards Brock’s Impala with Steve and Bucky following along and Sam hanging against the frame of his front door to wave.

“Thanks for coming everyone, especially _you_ Johnny Flapjacks! Hope we see a lot more of you around." Sam joked out.

Johnny turned stacking one container over the other and gave him a thumbs up and a wink, climbing into the back seat, “Thanks for inviting me, had fun!” 

Brock gave Bucky one last hug before looked from him to Steve then back, “Remember what you planned to do tonight.”

Bucky nodded back to him maybe a little hesitantly, bowing his head a little as Brock pressed a kiss to his forehead, “You’ll be okay Kiddo.”

Steve watched Bucky stare as they drove off and Sam had disappeared back inside. Rummaging in his jeans pocket to pull his keys out, he unhooked one from the small ring before he turned around to face the dirty blond, holding out his apartment key.

“What’s this?”

Bucky gave him a patient smile, “I’m returning your key.”

Steve didn’t take it though, only staring at it in bewilderment for a long moment before he looked at Bucky’s face, “Why are you doing this Buck?”

Shaking his head a little, Bucky gave him a helpless shrug, “I don't want to be the issue between you two. I don't want him to be mad at you because of me. If that means I need to back off, I'm willing to do that for you Steve. Don't you get that?"

Steve pursed his lips, stubborn and feeling that bubble of anger rising in him, "No, I don't. Why would you think this is the right solution, think I'll be okay with that?"

Bucky stared at him, his mouth curved down slightly, his blue grey eyes looking sad, his words light, "It’s not like I'm leaving you. I would never leave you, but it's just easier this way."

Forming a fist with his hand, Steve hated this, hated all of this. No one had a right to make Bucky feel like this, to _bully_ him and it only pissed him off to no end. Bucky tucked away all the keys into his pocket as they both stared at each other, placing each of his hands over Steve’s, fingers gingerly loosening his fists.

“Stop.”

“You know I can’t. Should be free to do anything you want.”

A soft little smile appeared, a secret one that Steve got to occasionally see that was for him alone. Bucky tilted his head back to Sam’s door, “Let’s go inside and spend some time with everyone before I gotta go to Nat’s.”

Steve didn’t take back the key but Bucky was still going to try with or without his approval.

 

“Steve, I have to pee.”

“No.”

“ _Steve_.”

Somehow Bucky had taken over the couch, partially sitting up with his long legs stretched out with no one arguing about it. Steve had managed to fit his hulking mass self between his legs, laying out on his side with his ear pressed to Bucky’s thigh while watching Home Alone. 

Bucky frowned at both arms that at some point had wrapped themselves around his leg and now nature was calling while he had a human puppy trapping him.

“Steve, c’mon I don’t wanna pee on Sam’s couch.”

“Please don’t, I love my couch.” Sam let out, eyes on the screen and stretched out on the floor with a large couch pillow tucked against his chest with Clint doing the same, Natasha curled up like a cat on the armchair snuggled up under an blanket.

Bucky shook Steve’s shoulder lightly, “Steve, I really gotta go. I’ll come back I promise.”

Before getting up, he made a soft disgruntled sound, sitting up with a frown, hair flopping to one side with brows furrowed and looking eerily like an angry five year old in a man’s body. All Bucky wanted to do was grab that scrunched chin and pull him in. He drew his legs back instead and got off the couch, playfully punching Steve’s arm before jogging off.

It was only silent for a few seconds before Sam turned to him and raised a brow, “You _can’t_ be upset he’s trying to give you space man.” 

Steve frowned, “They’re bullying him, that’s all they're doing and I’m trying. It’s just, so soon and Johnny? I still can’t get over that.”

“Steve,” Natasha pulled her arm out from under the thin blanket holding it out for him, “Come here.”

He pulled himself off the couch, trudging over to park himself down on the arm of the chair taking her hand. She smiled up at him, squeezing it gently, “I know it’s hard. I know. But he’s not going anywhere, he’ll be with us and you’re more than welcome at our home whenever you like. You know that. He’s just doing what he thinks is right. Who knows, it may not even last. You both are like two peas in a pod.”

Steve pressed his lips together, squeezing her hand back gently, “I know. It’s just so maddening, you know? Maybe he’ll change his mind in a week, he’ll still visit, I can visit. It’s frustrating though.”

The two of them looked up when there was a loud sneeze in the hallway when the bathroom door opened, Bucky coming back with a tissue in hand, rolling his eyes before he sneezed again.

“Bless you. Are you okay?” Natasha inquired.

Bucky laid out on the couch again, nodding as he dabbed his nose, “Yeah, must be the change of environment or something. Just tickling my nose like I have allergies, it’s happened before it’ll go away in a couple days."

He shrugged and laid back out on the couch not wanting to miss more of the movie.

 

It wasn’t even twelve hours before Bucky saw Steve again, he had completely forgotten about the park before Lucky tore off again like the last time they had met there and it all came rushing back with him and Sam in sweat soaked hoodies working off yesterday’s dinner.

“Hey! Good thing I ran into you. I have to pick up my suit sometime and I figured I would do it with you, maybe we could get some lunch at the French place again if you were interested?”

Bucky had been biting down on his thumbnail and smiling stupidly, turning his head like he was thinking about it, he was just glad Clint wasn’t walking around to catch him in the act, he knew he wouldn’t have had a chance. Steve stood around, stretching his limbs while Sam went to redo his laces against the bench. Lucky was there to nudge him with his nose and lick his fingers, waiting for him to scoop up the tennis ball he had dropped at his feet. He could feel the blush rising against his cheeks and for a second he forgot about what he had to talk to Dr. Potts about.

“Yeah we could, you wanna come pick me up when you’re done here? I just have to get to my appointment soon or you could use the shower at Nat’s.”

Steve glanced over at Sam, “You mind if we raincheck?”

“Yeah, let’s drop you off at your place and you two can do your thing.”

“Great,” Steve turned to Bucky, “So give me about thirty minutes then I’ll get you?”

Bucky smiled, “Sure.”

 

At the doctor’s office Bucky hesitated a second, glancing at Steve, “There’s something I needed to talk about to Dr. Potts and it’s really important. I just, might not be in the best of moods when I come out so in case I don’t want to, is it okay to skip brunch or lunch?”

Nodded, Steve parked himself in a chair, “Whatever you like Buck, I’ll be here waiting.”

“Thanks Steve.”

They started the appointment with basic things and how Bucky felt coming back, sneezing a few times and pausing to blow his nose. He informed her about his food fears and Pepper nodded, writing a few notes down.

“I think that’s normal, give yourself some time, see how you’re doing in a day or two. Slowly introduce yourself to small things like you’ve been doing. I think when you return back to your normal routine it’ll get easier for you to adjust and eat things. Once those threats of getting sick subside it will start getting easier. We’ll keep an eye on that, and remember you can still call me whenever you like in case it feels like it’s worse or something is just really bothering you okay? Remember you can talk to me any time Bucky.”

Bucky nodded, picking at his nail absently thinking about exactly what he wanted to say as he looked at her sheepishly, “I had a panic attack, in Germany. A bad one..I think.”

Pepper tilted her head just a little, watching him curiously, "You think?"

He nodded, looking down at his jeans, then he picked up one of the couch cushions, kneading it between his hands, "Yeah, um, I was you know. Johnny showed up in Germany, he was in France so he visited and we, you know."

She nodded, an understanding smile across her lips, "Yes, I know."

He looked around, anywhere but her face when he tried to speak about the details of it, "I uh, I don't have sex face to face. I prefer not seeing their face so I don't get- "

He drew in a breath already feeling the anxiety rise in him and she scooted her chair forward and brought her hands out, one palm up and one hovering over the other, "Bucky?"

Nodding, he reached his hand out and placed it against her palm, feeling her other palm gently rest on the back of his hand, "It's alright, take your time."

He couldn’t help but start crying, soft silent tears he didn't want coming out but they decided to anyway. His free hand frantically tried to brush them out of existence and attempt to get himself back on track.

"I don't want to see their face, I don't want to care. I don't want to get attached to someone like that, I'm afraid if I look something will happen and I'm not ready to, I'm scared to. I don't know if my feelings will change or if I look into someone's eyes and they'll look at me like I'm the best thing in the world and we're having sex they might think that then but they may not after. I'm afraid if I do that I might think that this is it and they won't and I'll be heartbroken."

She squeezed his hand, reaching for the box of tissues and bringing it closer, waiting patiently for him to continue.

“I let Jo convince me, it wasn't hard to, I was in the moment and we were so close and I never stared into his eyes or anything he knows I can't do it..he understands. He promised he wouldn't look and I buried my face in his neck but he called me perfect and he sounded so happy. Just so happy, he always sounds so happy but this time with the other line, I don't know what did it. I've done it before with him like that, no looking just on top of each other and I've um..finished without a problem. This time I think I panicked and I think I had one of my episodes too."

Her eyes narrowed a little in thought, “Your ‘episode’? You mean a Vagal episode?”

Bucky nodded, looking at his hands, “I was confused and dizzy. I felt like I lost track of time right at the beginning, then I got tired and all sluggish.”

He let out a drag of air taking his hand back as he doubled over burying his face in them, “I don’t know. I feel like I’m losing my mind sometimes.”

Dr. Potts gave him a smile when he sat back up, “I know you do but we can’t even address that without you opening up entirely to me. All I can do is help you with what you give me Bucky and it’s only you that can know when you’re ready _if_ you’re ever ready to tell me that information. Right now though, with Johnny. I think you’re opening up to him like you do with me. I understand the outcome wasn’t what either of you desired but look at it prior to that moment, I don’t think you would have allowed something like that to happen if you didn’t feel at least a little close to him. And after that? What happened?”

Bucky looked out the window, recalling how he was there, “He had a train to catch, but he missed it and laid in bed with me til I pulled myself together again. Took care of me, cleaned me up, kept holding me, sometimes he would talk or sing but he was always holding me. It was good like that, I didn’t feel scared.”

He pressed his lips together, grimacing at the factor that crossed his mind, soft blues looking at her, “I needed it, I needed _him_. I don’t want those things, needing people. I hate it but I know when I need them. I used to hold him so far away from me, emotionally. I feel like I used to treat him like shit, I’m sure if you asked him he would never agree to that but I feel like I did. Nowadays though I just," He shook his head in frustration, “I don't want to let him down, I don’t want anyone to let him down. It’s been _different_ between us. It’s not love, it’s not romantic..I think I just _care_ what happens to him. Does that make any sense?”

Pepper reached over, giving him a gentle light sympathetic smile, squeezing his hand and letting her fingers rub into his knuckles tenderly, "You're just beginning to empathize with him, like a friend would, a real genuine friend. He’s someone you can count on because all he’s done, from my understanding, is cater to you and make you comfortable. Every time you usually mention Johnny, he was treated like a secondary character and now you want to consider his feelings and acknowledge him in general. Your relationship is maturing, it’s becoming stronger. Do you know how he feels about this development?"

Bucky shook his head, “No but I know him enough to know he’d be happy just to know I care, you know? Like you said he’s worked to keep me happy, he has on my own terms. I think anything better is only coming out good to him.”

Like Bucky had predicted, he didn’t much feel like eating or even going to the bakery cafe like they had planned. He was quiet, lost in his own mind on their walk to the tailor’s and he could feel Steve repeatedly look at him but he never bothered asking why he was in his mood which Bucky was glad for. All Steve did was put an arm around his shoulders and they walked and he easily leaned against his side, taking the silent offer for a friend.

He couldn’t even enjoy riding through New York on Steve's new bike partially just lost over the fact that he was going to Nat’s place and not Steve’s even though that’s what he was asking for. Steve stopped fighting him about it too and Bucky couldn’t help feel a little unhappy over that as well not sure if it was because he was being nice since Bucky was in his head or if he genuinely gave up. 

Climbing off at the curb, he gave Steve back his extra helmet, flashing him a strained smile, “Thanks for the ride back.”

Steve only stared at him for a long moment, pulling his own helmet off, “You gonna be okay?”

“Yeah, should be fine. I think I need to lie down, feeling under the weather lately with the traveling and stuff.”

He watched Steve glance away at something down the street, blue eyes looking back at him with a nod, “Yeah that’s probably a good idea.”

For a moment Bucky figured this was the end of their awkward conversation, stepping backward and freezing when Steve held his phone up, “Can I call you or text you?”

That shy smile Bucky could never shake off appeared again and he nodded, gesturing at the phone with a tilt of his head, “I figured you would anyway.”

There was an equally shy smile suddenly across Steve’s face, color reaching his cheeks, “I just figured you wanted to be alone. I didn’t want to bug you.”

Bucky chuckled, stepping backwards til he was at the foot of the front steps, “You never do though, bye Steve.”

Pulling his helmet back on, he raised his hand to wave before riding off down the street and Bucky jogged up the steps to watch him til he couldn’t anymore.

It wasn’t until after dinner that Steve finally caved in the _giving you space_ department.

_**Stevie:**_ Buck.

_**Bucky:**_ Hey.

_**Stevie:**_ I miss you.

Bucky sat staring at those three words for an eternity. He hesitated to write them back, he was trying so hard to be the better man. Telling himself that this was for the best, that Steve needed him to be like this but all Bucky wanted was Steve. He was afraid to sleep without him another night, worried something would happen and he would break. He wondered if he should really get someone to hypnotize him to stop that, not even sure if that would work. He gave his head a small shake, hovering his thumbs over the keys in thought.

_**Bucky:**_ You can call me if you want.

His cell rang almost immediately and the sense of relief that poured over Bucky was tremendous, “Hey you.”

He ran the heel of his hand across his pant covered thigh and he could hear Steve draw in a soft breath, swallowing slowly. 

“Hey. It’s feeling really empty here lately. I’m so used to your stuff being around or just you. I mean after that long then you came back and it was settled like everything and then, you know.”

Bucky could only smile. He knew the feeling too well, being around everything that was completely Steve. His various sketch books tucked away in the weirdest places, his running shoes left out in the middle of the hall perfectly set up for Bucky to trip over, which he had..a few times; he blender reeking up the place after he made those disgusting workout shakes then not washing it immediately, canvas’ blocking the exit, grease stained clothes and towels laying around after working on his bike leading to other things getting stained.

“I feel like you’re still gone.”

“I’m not though. I’m here, it’s just different.”

“I don’t like this different..”

“Steve- ”

“No Buck, this isn’t fair. It’s not. No one has any right to make it their business to separate us like we did anything but become best friends. If I cheated on Tony, if you actually had a reason to make your parents look bad then this would all make sense but from where I’m at right now neither has happened but you were taken from me for almost a month like we committed a crime for Christsakes!”

Bucky felt his head throbbing, but not from Steve’s words. 

_You were taken from me._

He tried not to think about that, laying back in his bed a bit more feeling weak and mildly sore, wiggling his shoulders to settle in, “I know and it’s going to happen again if I keep coming to your place and crashing there.”

“Buck, the only thing we’ve seemed to do wrong is become close. I admit it, we’re _close_. Maybe this sounds ridiculous but you put me at ease, I didn’t know that meant I was fucking up somehow. I don’t think that’s a means to separate us, is there?”

Bucky stared up at the ceiling helplessly, pulling the blanket over himself with a slight amount of effort, “No, it isn’t.”

Steve’s voice softened, “And for you, I want to think I help you.”

“You do help me Steve, you help me a lot. It’s just that it would only take one mistake, just one for something to happen and I can’t. I can’t risk doing that again Steve.” 

“I know Buck, I swear if that happens again you can bet your ass I’m holding onto that plane.”

Bucky couldn’t help the laugh fall out of him, pressing a hand to his face, “Rogers, you can’t hold a plane down. You’re not that strong you goof.”

“Just fucking try me.” He challenged.

All Bucky could do was smile, leaning his head against his phone and letting his eyes close solemnly. He knew Steve couldn’t but he was sure, as boneheaded as he could be, he would do anything and everything to keep him in New York and that meant all the lofty ideas that were equitable to holding back Bucky’s mode of departure with bare hands like some action hero.

His phone made a noise and he checked the incoming text, a worried frown coming across his features, “Steve, I need to go.”

“Buck?”

“Brock just sent me a text, Jack fell off a ladder, he’s fine but I wanna go make sure. Sometimes his insurance is fucked up with the government crap and I want to make sure he’s covered for everything.” 

He sat up, a wave of dizziness washing over him before he got out of bed, “I um, I’ll call you okay, later. I promise.”

“Okay Buck.” 

Bucky hated to hear the defeated resignation in Steve’s voice but had more important things to deal with. He quickly changed out of his pajamas and into some jeans and a t-shirt, pulling his sweater over his head before he grabbed his backpack and texted for a cab all the while racing down the stairs and almost asking for a trip down them in all his haste. 

 

“You fuckin’ idiot. You wanna save a fuckin’ cat you call someone, you don’t take a shitty old ladder and climb it at night because someone needed help, you ain’t a boy scout Jackie, you’re a decorated honorably discharged US soldier you don’t owe shit to anyone!”

Bucky frowned at the bright overhead lights that were irritating him already, watching Rumlow pace heatedly back and forth like a caged panther was only adding to it, the doctor ignoring all the swearing while Jack gave a wary glance at his best friend before focusing back on the doctor’s assessment.

“Brock stop your pacing.” Rollins finally piped up and the male glared at him with all the fury of Hades but slumped down hard in a chair beside Bucky.

Bucky did his best, reaching over to press his hand against Rumlow’s palm, giving him a hopeful smile and Brock tried his best to wipe the look of irritation etched into his features. 

“Alright Mr. Rollins, your back doesn’t look too bad. Ice it down for the next couple of days, you can use a heating pad after that if you like. Cut back on physical activity like working out for a week, we’ll see how you feel after that. I’ll give you a small prescription for anti-inflammatory pills just to settle you in and same thing as before, only start working on some physical therapy when you’re up to it.”

Bucky smiled, pointing at Brock, “You hear that Brock, gotta give Jack his rub downs again.”

“Hell no, I ain’t being his nurse maid when he’s bein’ an ass and goin’ up after someone’s cat in a tree.” 

He folded his arms over his chest to make a point, everyone quietly looking at him in silent judgment except for Jack who only smiled because it was neither here nor there to Rollins as he proceeded to put his shirt back on.

It took Brock only three seconds before he caved and pulled himself off the chair he was sitting on, sulking towards the examination room door to leave, “I’ll be in the fuckin’ car.” 

He left the door open as he walked off, the three of them staring at the empty hallway listening to him mutter to himself down the hallway, “Buncha assholes.”

 

Brock let himself in first while Bucky insisted on putting his arm around Jack and helping him along. Hitting the lights, Rumlow look a look around, Jack's place was simple and non descript, nothing much out of place and mostly everything was in order, he was generally a man of simple needs and tastes. 

The studio apartment smelled lightly of cigarettes, old wood from the overhead beams and worn leather with a faint barely there touch of faded cologne, the place was newly renovated in colors of steel and mahogany and furnished with one leather couch and a flatscreen on the wall with a pair of bookshelves at the corner that were filled to the brim with books and vinyls, a kitchen was to the side with a breakfast bar, an office desk and laptop with paperwork piled up complete with a king size bed at the back corner which pretty much where Jack was going to be going no matter how much possible eye rolling he was about to throw out.

Jack slipped off his shoes behind him, Bucky getting the door closed while Brock only pointed at the back corner, “You’re stuck to your bed.”

“I’m fine, I just have to lay off heavy lifting and all that shit like last time. It’s not a big deal Brock.”

Bucky helped Jack onto his bed not really needing to but neither of them bothered over it.

“Not a fuckin’ big deal?!” He glared hard in Jack’s direction, walking around in a loose circle, “You have a fucked up knee, you shouldn’t be doing shit to risk messin’ it up anymore. Thank fuckin’ God I ain’t gotta go back to work til the end of the first week of December.”

“You’re not helping Brock, you’re pacing and lecturing him. It happened, we can’t take it back, please stop being an asshole about it.” Bucky chewed out, walking into the tiny kitchen to rifle through Jack’s compact fridge to get him a bottle of juice and an ice pack. 

Brock let out an irritated huff, throwing his hands up impassively before picking up the remote control off the coffee table, switching it on as he sat himself down after kicking off his work boots. Jack made a small annoyed sound, already laid out on the opposite end with his eyes closed and Rumlow gave him a pointed look before grumbling under his breath and collecting his boots, taking them to the mat by the door and depositing them there begrudgingly while he bore holes with his eyes at Rollins who only smiled to himself.

Trying not to laugh, Bucky gestured towards the packed tight bookshelf, “Do you want me to bring you some books?”

Brock scoffed, “He probably hasn’t even read them all, pretentious asshole.”

Jack only smiled wider, keeping his eyes closed as he settled his hands on his chest, “I’ve read them all, maybe you should crack one open for once you illiterate fuck.”

“I’ll crack one on your head that’s what.”

Bucky grabbed one he knew Jack liked, rolling his eyes at the two of them wanting so badly to ask them when the wedding was. He climbed into bed between them, curling up against Jack’s side after getting him to roll over onto his stomach and press a towel and the ice pack at his lower back. He watched Brock switch through channels, Jack taking the drink from him, “Thanks for coming over Sunshine.”

Bucky nodded, quietly whispering to him, “I have to so he doesn’t end up yelling more.”

It was a few minutes later when Jack leaned a little closer to Bucky, “Why are you so warm?”

“Am I?”

Brock raised a brow, turning to hook his arm around Bucky’s neck to pull him over against his side, pressing his other palm against Bucky’s forehead ignoring the small noise of protest, “Kid you’re burning up.”

Wiggling out of his grip, Bucky shrugged softly, “Feeling under the weather, that’s all.”

He pulled himself to sit up but Brock pushed him down again, “Then go to sleep.”

Jack was only agreeing and he could barely hear the television as he pulled the blanket over his chest, the illumination of the screen casting a gentle glow and someone was patting his shoulder like he was an infant. He wanted to make a comment about it but quickly figured out that maybe he did need a couple hours of sleep feeling himself starting to not care what was going on around him and everything beginning to feel like soft edges, when was he tired?

It was the radiating body heat that woke him up a couple hours later in the dark, cozy between two figures and someone snoring though not too loudly, the gentle warmth suffocating him with too many legs and arms pressed by his body. He managed to pull himself out between them and climb down the center of the bed with his head aching and his own body feeling sluggish. 

What he really needed was some air, pulling on his shoes he swiftly snuck out as best as he could without waking either of them up. He just needed a little walk to clear his head and get his temperature down.

 

Steve was flipping his keys in his palm listening to the ritual of late night noises coming off his sixth floor apartment hallway when he paused at one familiar apartment door at the left taking a double take to see that it was just barely ajar. He looked around before walking over to check and all his protective instincts immediately kicked in. He didn’t exactly live in a bad neighborhood or anything but you could never be too safe. 

“Mrs. Alvarez, you home?”

The lack of answer only worried Steve more, pushing the door to step in. The television was on and a couple were fighting on it yelling at each other in Spanish. He saw a lump underneath some blankets and there was another fear Steve had always had in which there would be a time when there wouldn’t be a nice little old lady a few doors down from him anymore.

“Mrs. Alvarez?”

There was nothing, Steve forcing himself to gather his wits about him and tug the blanket down a little. To his surprise and great relief it wasn’t her. It wasn’t even a _her_ at all. It was Bucky.

“Buck?”

Bucky only curled up further into the back side of the couch, his own back to him but Steve could see something was very wrong. He let his knuckles lightly feel out the side of his face, sweat misted over Bucky’s clammy skin, brows arched and knit together as he groaned like he was in some kind of pain when he was moving.

“Oh Steven, you finally came home.”

Steve turned around with a start, Mrs. Alvarez smiling brightly at him from the hallway holding a hot water bottle. She held it up, softly walking in a canary yellow housecoat with daisies and white slippers on her feet. She placed it on the coffee table, resting a hand on his arm, “I was looking for my hot water bottle. Jamie was getting cold.”

Steve sifted through his thoughts, Bucky feeling hot to the touch, “Is he sick? What happened?”

He watched her shuffle to touch Bucky’s pale face, tucking him in with his blanket turning back around to smile again at him, “I came from a visit so late with my family and there he was sleeping beside your door. He was cold and he said he had no key. I told him to come inside where it’s warm. Steven why he have no key, you shouldn’t let him sleep at the door like that.”

Steve’s face fell, he felt like he wanted to cry. He was upset and angry at himself for not trying harder to convince Bucky it didn’t matter.

“He had a key Mrs. Alvarez, he did. He tried to give it back though a few days ago, I guess he left it with my friend.”

Soft brown eyes stared up at him, her brows falling, “You and Jamie fight?”

Steve wished it was only a fight, you could fix fights. He wasn’t sure he could fix Tony and he wasn’t sure he could fix the fear Bucky had of being sent away again. 

“It’s a little bit more complicated than just me and Bucky. I..” He bit the inside of his cheek, gesturing with one shoulder and a half useless shrug, “..I’m still with Tony, just with Tony.”

Steve watched her face change, processing and thinking and her lips curved into a soft disappointed frown looking at Bucky and then back at him. Steve wasn’t sure what was going through her mind but he could see she didn’t need further information to understand.

“Oh.” It was the only thing she let out after a time, reaching out her hand to touch his forearm, pressing it lightly before giving it a small pat, “Your heart is confused.”

His eyes flicked to Bucky, still curled up fast asleep and Steve turned back to look at her hesitantly. He thought for a moment, not really know what to say eventually moving a hand to press against hers, “Very confused.”

They were quiet for a few seconds before he realized Bucky was possibly real sick and elderly people being around him was probably not a good thing, “I’ll take him out of your hair now Mrs. Alvarez, I’m sorry it’s so late.”

She nodded beside him, “I sleep when he sleep safe.” 

Steve leaned down, gently unwrapping him out of the blanket, watery tired eyes opening up at him, blinking a few times.

“Steve?”

He gave Bucky a smile, nodding at him, “Yeah, it’s me. Come on, let me take you home, okay?”

The brunette nodded, putting an arm out while Steve gathered him up, slowly settling it against the back of his neck. A wave of relief washed over him, the door held open getting a better idea about Bucky’s weight. It wasn’t as dramatic as he thought it was but he could feel a little bit of a difference and that was enough to refuel the anger he felt towards everyone responsible. 

“Goodnight Mrs. Alvarez.”

She gave him a warm smile, looking up at him with a gentle squeeze of his arm, gesturing for him to wait for a moment. She walked over in her slippers to the kitchen counter picking up a bag with a container inside, coming back to rest it gingerly on Bucky’s lap his hand absently resting against it, “I packed you some tamales if you get hungry.”

Steve gave her another grateful smile, “Thank you.”

Bucky fussed against Steve’s neck, rubbing his face helplessly into his shoulder with a small discontented whine and Steve sighed, “You’re literally a cat, let’s get you into bed.”

Inside his own place, Steve tucked him into bed and took some clothes and the tamales into the kitchen, quickly getting out of his work outfit in the middle of the living room, throwing on his sweats while he called Natasha.

“Let me guess, he’s sick.”

“I have this feeling you really didn’t need to guess that.”

She laughed softly, “He was acting like he wasn’t but Brock mentioned him being warm when he called about Jack. I figured his current lack of diet and all that stress, he was going to get something soon. I recall he returned your apartment key so..would you like Clint and I to come pick him up?”

Steve paused for a moment, a little surprised at the question running a hand through his hair, “What? No he’s fine here. I told him to keep the key, he won’t though but anyway no don’t worry about him being here I don’t mind. I just wanted to tell you he was here and that I’m pretty sure it’s the flu. It looks like a cold but he’s really burning up and yes I’m keeping a sharp eye on it.”

Humming in agreement, Natasha smiled, “Make sure he’s drinking water.”

“I know how to take care of a sick person.”

“We’re talking about Bucky here. I know you think you know, but he’s got you wrapped around his finger. Ignore that pitiful look he’ll give you because believe me, he will. Full on Puss in Boots.”

“Natasha, did you just reference Shrek?"

“Trust me, it’ll make sense.”

“Sounds like you have a lot of experience.”

“I do, which is why yes, I will come take care of him for you while you go on your date night thing with Tony so you don’t have to cancel.”

Steve furrowed his brows, “How did you..?”

“Who else would you ask first?”

He came back into the room to see Bucky already sleeping again down the center of the bed under the blanket, he tried to be quiet when he got in but sleepy eyes opened and peered over, only waiting until he was properly beside him before Bucky snuggled himself in, “I’m sorry.”

“For?"

“Being here.” He let out, yawning tiredly before he rubbed his face against Steve’s chest, pressing a palm against one pec.

“It’s okay, you’re always allowed here.”

Steve pulled the blanket over the both of them so it was evenly spread out, Bucky practically crawling on top of him to get at his body heat, a small whine slipping away, “You’re so warm. I love that you’re so warm..”

He held him close, “And I love that you love it.”

Bucky sighed into his shirt, “Shouldn’t be here..”

Rubbing his back softly, Steve smiled a little, “Just get some sleep.”

In the early morning it only got worse.

Steve was startled awake when he felt frantic movement beside him and the way too familiar sound of Bucky throwing up. His arm blindly swung for a light, pulling himself out of a zombie trance to sit up and get the lamp on at Bucky’s side, his free hand pressing against his friend’s back who was trying his hardest to miss the bedsheets tactfully and hit the hardwood floor instead. One of Bucky’s arms weakly tried to keep him at bay like puking was the worse thing Steve could ever possibly see even though they both knew this wasn’t the first time and possibly not the last. His hair was darker than usual, sticking to his sweaty skin and Steve could only purse his lips, rubbing his t-shirt with long smooth strokes. Quickly enough Bucky had expelled everything in his stomach and he continued dry heaving and groaning weakly through the lurching waves his body continued to send him through. 

“I’m sorry.” Bucky managed to blurt out through his panting, body trembling softly as his one arm continued to keep him positioned so he wouldn’t hit the bed. 

Steve frowned, he couldn’t help it shaking his head, “Don’t apologize for getting sick Buck. You can’t help it.”

He paused and continued to worry when Bucky convulsed and leaned further forward, heaving again and he could actually see the wave of nausea hitting him when it came back.

Bucky finally collapsed in a sweat soaked mess against his arm, breathing laboriously out of his mouth and Steve patted him lightly, “I’ll be back I’m going to get you some water and some pills.”

He vaulted himself out of bed and jogged through the hallway, picking up his mop bucket, filling it with some vinegar and water recalling what his ma always did when he got sick. He grabbed a garbage bag, a roll of paper towels tucking it under his arm and a couple of water bottles plus the box of baking soda. He managed to hold a bottle of pain pills with two fingers, jogging back and getting a real look at the mess on the floor. Bucky was still laid out how he left him, and Steve moved around to his side to get in and roll him to face the center, unscrewing the lid of one of the bottles. 

“Drink this while I clean up okay?”

“I should clean up my own mess."

The disappointment across Bucky’s face made Steve’s stomach sink, reaching out to squeeze his forearm, “I got it. You can clean up my puke if I get sick alright? Trust me, next time I get wasted it might happen.”

Bucky winced a smile and Steve smiled back at him, spending the next ten minutes cleaning up the vomit and sprinkling some of the baking soda all over the area to soak the smell. He put everything away, coming back to Bucky still nursing half the water and staring out the window sporting a long face. 

Steve approached the end of the bed, resting a knee against the mattress by socked feet with his arm out, “Come on.”

Confused, Bucky warily sat up, putting away his water. He rested his hand against Steve’s and he was gingerly removed from the bed.

“You up for a shower or you gonna give yourself just a mouth wash and a new change of clothes while I change the top sheet?”

“Shower.” Bucky said immediately, struggling to walk like he lost all his energy. 

Steve helped him to the bathroom setting him down against the toilet, turning on the water and starting the shower. He rested a towel against the bathroom counter and disappeared to get some grey sweats and a tee, rummaging through Bucky’s backpack for some clean underwear. 

He set everything beside the towel, helping weak arms get his shirt off, kneeling before Bucky, “Hey, if you don’t mind just leave the bathroom door open just in case you gotta call me or something okay? When you’re done I’ll walk you back.”

“I’m not dying Stevie.” 

Bucky smiled faintly after his quip but way his eyes closed and opened slowly like he was straining to do it told Steve something else and Bucky nodded to his request, shooing him off so he could strip and get his shower finished possibly already regretting wanting the shower in the first place. Steve lingered by his bedroom door only to listen to the curtain finally opening and bare feet squeaking against the tub floor. He smiled lightly and tugged the top sheet off, getting the pillow cases too while he was at it. He took the chance to send a quick text out to Sam about Bucky and even though he had a few hours before their jog he wasn’t sure what was going to happen between now and then, he really didn’t want to leave him alone like that. He tugged out a second blanket remembering all the sweating he did when he got the flu back when, because he was sure it was the flu, but he also remembered the chills resting it on the floor on his side of the bed when Bucky would want it. His eyes were begging for him to turn in, pulling himself off the end of the bed to pace around a little bit. He flipped through one of his sketch books when he turned his head to the water stopping and the curtain pulling back. 

A few minutes passed and Bucky called out for him, getting him set for bed, hitting the bathroom and rummaging through a drawer before coming back to sit beside him, “Say ah.”

Red eyes looked at him, opening his mouth for the thermometer, leaning back against the headboard.

“Keep it there until it beeps.” 

Steve opened Bucky’s hand to shake out a couple of pain pills and pressing the half empty water bottle into his hands. He took the thermometer out and looked at the reading, “Yep, thought as much. Welcome to the flu.”

He knew Bucky was down a guard level when he wiggled over to press up against him and looped an arm around his waist not that Steve was complaining. He was mildly unnerved by the heat radiating off him though but he made a note to check on him in a few hours letting himself settle in and keep Bucky close.

It was barely rolling into ten in the morning when Steve’s stomach softly gnawed at him and he felt the bed shifting. It wasn’t quick and panicked like the first time..or the other time between then and now. That was when he had gotten up to soak a cold washcloth in some ice water for Bucky and dabbed away at the sweat across his face before he cleaned up more expelled _liquids_ and Bucky in near tears for making another mess. 

He rubbed his back until he was asleep again then got out of bed to hit the corner store.

Steve cracked an eye open this time to Bucky burrowing and shifting in the blanket trying to get comfortable, soft gentle noises of frustration slipped from the back of his throat. He pulled himself to sit up and reached down into the generic white grocery bag he was given at the convenience store down at the corner. He cracked open the sealed cap, gently guiding Bucky to lean against him holding the bottle of Gatorade near his lips. He watched Bucky take a sniff and then was immediately shaking his head away in disgust. 

It took a moment for it to click but Steve finally realized that in his half dazed sleep he had accidentally grabbed the grape flavor. It begged to stand that it should have made sense if Bucky hated raisins, that he probably hated grape drinks too. In Steve’s defense though he had seen Bucky eat actual grapes but Bucky was Bucky and Steve just didn’t try to understand it. He leaned to the side of the bed to look through the bag and found the lemon-lime, opening that one and holding it out for him. This was more welcomed, shaky hands holding the bottle that Steve kept a tight grip on as he took a few healthy sips before moving away again with a face of a fussy five year old. 

Steve gave him a little space to settle down and do whatever he was trying to do, hitting the bathroom then grabbing a couple more waters and a sleeve of crackers just in case. Bucky looked up when he walked in, lips in full pout like Steve was going to get an earful for “abandoning” him. 

“Steve, I have Ebola.”

Steve frowned softly, sitting next to him, feeling his forehead lightly again. He stared at the male; his face flushed red, sweat pooling at his face and neck, he could tell his throat was burning just from the scratchy way he was speaking now, nose beginning to sound stuffed. His body tucked away in a nest of blankets, shivering a little bit as he moved to cling to him like his life depended on it. 

“You don’t Ebola Buck, you have the flu. You need to sleep right now.”

“No, I’m telling you, I have Ebola. I was watching a zombie movie with Clint yesterday, the Jerk. They were acting like they had the flu but it was Ebola.”

Steve raised a brow, “What’s that have to do with zombies?”

The brunette half whimpered, dipping his head tiredly, “I don’t even know anymore.”

He made a noise like he was about to cry and Steve wrapped an arm around to console him, “Don’t get upset. You’re okay. I’m here with you and when I’m gone we got friends that can come check up on you, alright?”

“No! You can’t leave me Steve..please..the Ebola..”

“Babe I have to work- “ Steve abruptly froze, realizing what he uttered out. His eyes snapped to look at Bucky fumbling around in his blankets not registering to the name he had just used, a small gust of air escaping him. He thanked his lucky stars Bucky was sick right then, shaking his head at the sudden slip up. 

Bucky turned to look at him, soft faded grey doe eyes trying to focus on his face before he pressed his head against his shoulder. Steve softened his voice, “I have to go to work but I can ask Nat or Clint or if you want, Sam could come over and keep you company. Would you like me to ask any of them?”

Steve contemplated adding Brock but he really didn’t want to volunteer his home address to someone that looked at him like he would break him the first time they were alone together. 

“I want Pacha here.”

Steve raised a brow, “Who’s Pacha?”

Bucky’s face scrunched up in annoyance, “Pacha..it’s Jack..”

_Shit._

“Well we can’t ask today but let me talk to Natasha okay? We’ll figure something out.” 

Bucky nodded to him, curling up to go back to sleep again.

 

Steve stared off out the window, lost in his mind while he was idly wiping down the surface of the bar. Someone sat down in a stool nearby and he all but groaned at their arrival. He was almost off the clock but not close enough and a new customer meant they couldn’t close just yet. 

“What can I get you?” He let out through clenched teeth. He knew, he was very aware of how much of an asshole he was being but he worried. He worried about how Bucky was coping. He was sure Clint was able, and Natasha said it was an excellent idea but he wanted to be there to take care of him. He wanted it to be _his_ job, he knew exactly what Bucky needed and the brunette had already said he needed Steve. Of course he knew that Clint could take care of him and knew what Bucky needed as well but it wasn’t him. Showing up at his door sick wasn’t just some fluke, obviously Bucky wanted Steve to be there for him while he was ill.

The customer was oblivious to Steve’s internal monologue and grit teeth, smiling as they perused the small drink menu before giving it up altogether and just asking for one of the locally brewed beers. Steve turned with the money, popping the top of one of their local bottles before planting it down in front of them with a coaster. He turned back around and walked towards the coffee maker, fixing himself a small cup, he really had no idea what else to really do til they could close.

“He’s completely fine with Clint, you know.”

Steve whirled around to the sound of Natasha, the female perched on one of the stools, watching him with some deep stare he couldn’t quite understand. He sipped his coffee, his eyes not leaving her gaze before he set it down altogether. 

“I um..”

She smiled lightly at him, “He might be a little silly at times but he’s serious when he needs to be. Bucky will be alright for a little while without you, Clint has taken care of him when he’s not been his best before.”

Steve nodded, she made sense and he had no doubt in his mind that Clint was capable, maybe even one of the best people to be there but it didn’t stop bugging him either way. 

 

On his way home, Steve had stopped off at the drug store bringing back with him a small thing of Vaporub that Bucky had asked for. He had mentioned feeling a little sore and Steve knew it would probably get worse than better the next day or so. He was also starting to become really congested, his coughs beginning on the road to wheezing that he was all too familiar with when he was younger. 

He pushed the door open to his partially closed room and leaned against the frame finding Bucky curled up into Clint’s side, the blond laying on his bed asleep with his arm around Bucky like he was protecting him. Steve felt a combination of a few things, the main one being glad everything was alright, the other he obviously tried his hardest to push away. It was completely uncalled for but it was there, hitting him a little hard and he immediately hated himself for it. Clint opened his eyes slowly, yawning a little. He smiled and gave him a friendly little wave with his free hand managing to wiggle out of Bucky’s grasp without disturbing him, the two of them moving into the living room.

“Imogen made some soup for him so he had some of that, just a little but better than nothing and I’m pretty sure he only had some because I said she made it for him. He kept asking for you though, I bet if you try to get him to eat some more, he will.” Clint pulled on his shoes with a yawn after fixing his t-shirt and swiping a hand over his hair.

Steve watched him quietly, suddenly feeling like a complete asshole. He reached over, clapping a hand on Clint’s shoulder appreciatively, “Thanks for babysitting him while I was gone. I know it was silly, he could probably take care of himself better than I can.” 

Clint smiled wider, picking up his purple hoodie off the coat hook, “Oh I know Bucky enough to know he needs someone around him when he’s sick. He’s a terrible patient to himself. He turns into a little kid and its easier to deal with him than to leave him to his own devices where he could accidentally forget to eat for a few days and he’s been in bed and not showered for five of them.”

Steve nodded, watching Clint pull the door open, “He’s amazing if you’re the one sick though. Natasha was saying you were stressing over him while at work. You guys are pretty cute together,” He paused with a shake of his head, “I mean as a team. You know..something like that."

The blond made a quick exit with that, throwing a wave and practically running towards the elevators. Steve watched him curiously before closing his door and locking it. Wasn’t entirely sure how to take that and too preoccupied to think back on it. He raised his head when he heard a soft murmur echo out from the bedroom, Steve returning to see Bucky half in a slump, trying to keep himself upright with one arm, the other fighting weakly with the blankets tangled around him. His hair flopped over his forehead at much as it could being shorter now, small depressing sounds of protest coming out of him. 

“Bucky what’s wrong?”

He peered up with reddened eyes, “Steve. You came back.”

Even at his worse, Bucky made his heart race. He broke out a gentle smile and nodded, closing the space from the door to the bed sitting down beside him and helping him out of the tangle, “Of course I came back. Work was over and I told you I would come straight home.”

Bucky immediately curled up into his lap, sitting sideways with arms thrown around his neck, holding him desperately as he pressed his hot face against broad shoulder.

“Everything hurts. My back hurts. My chest hurts. My face hurts. My hair hurts too.”

Steve held up the bag for him, “I brought you some Vicks, you want to put it on yourself right now?”

Bucky shook his head back and forth, absolutely not in the mood to deal with anything, “Will you..put it on please..tired.”

Steve couldn’t deny a sick Bucky, heck he could barely deny a healthy one. Despite mewly protests, he set Bucky back beside him on the bed and pulled himself to his feet. “Let me get changed and stuff, will you eat? I’ll put that on you after and we can get some sleep. Does that work for you?”

Bucky nodded, crawling himself under the mess of blankets again, “Can you play my music?”

“Sure,” Steve found and thumbed through his phone taking a few moments only to raise a brow at him, “You’re gayer than I am, you have all of the British eighties in here.”

He watched Bucky wiggle a hand out, sticking his middle finger up at him.

Steve snorted, “Okay so maybe because I sing to Disney I just might be a little more gay but really..Buck.”

Bucky only made a small sound that was a mix of annoyance and pain. Figuring he should get on with what he was doing, Steve put on some Joy Division on low before he took some sweats out of the bedroom to change. He stuck some of the soup Imogen had given Clint into a bowl, heating it up in the microwave and brought it back to the room with him, seating himself next to the lump of blankets. 

“Soup’s here, Buck.”

Grey eyes peaked out then buried back in the blankets and Steve had to tug them back to reveal the male, holding the dish out. Bucky only scrunched his flushed face in refusal.

“Oh no, not this again.” He shifted closer to Bucky, pressing his back against the headboard with one of the pillows tucked behind him. Holding the bowl in his left hand, he softly tugged Bucky’s arm to bring him into the space he made between his legs. Bucky fit himself in the spot with a small frown, pulling over a blanket with him. He automatically pressed his back against Steve’s chest, the soup appearing in front of him from his left. Steve rested his chin lightly on Bucky’s shoulder, “Drink.”

Bucky took the warm bowl in his hands, hesitating for a moment until Steve removed the ointment from the small bag, unscrewing the cap and scooping out a generous amount. It was thick like Vaseline but the room quickly began to smell like menthol. Bucky leaned forward a little and allowed Steve to lift his shirt, pressing half of the Vicks into his other palm. He warmed the rest between his fingers, rubbing it against Bucky’s flushed back. A soft content sigh escaped him, sipping his broth in quiet resolve. Steve gingerly stroked his back exactly like his ma used to when he was sick, both hands going in gentle circular motions up and down his body. Lofty pleased noises seeped from his patient, partially muffled by his mouth sipping at the soup again. 

Steve would have been lying if the sounds weren’t making him slightly blush, a tightness squeezing his chest but with some miraculous self will, he managed for the most part to keep himself together especially since this was definitely not an appropriate time to be thinking like that, if ever. 

Bucky dropped his arms, cradling the almost empty bowl with a defeated whimper slipping from him and Steve took pity. He didn’t try to convince him to finish off the last little bit left, resting the dish on the night stand after pulling his shirt down. Bucky leaned into him again, Steve pressing the ointment bottle into one hand already opened, “You need some on your chest, Buck.”

“You do it, please Steve.”

Steve bit his lip in hesitation. He wanted to, he did but he was also worried about it, his eyes glancing at Bucky with his flushed face and dampened hair, plush red lips parted to breathe out of his mouth and Steve couldn’t ask him do anything in the state he was in.

“Alright, just relax against me and I’ll take care of it. Do you want me to put it on your forehead and neck too?” 

Bucky only nodded softly, molding himself against Steve’s chest. He continued holding the small bottle in his hand, his fingers lightly dipping in a little bit and let his slightly shaking fingers swipe some of it beneath his nostrils taking a slow inhale through his stuffed nose. 

Steve felt bad for Bucky’s state, hushing gentle whimpers he was making when he felt some pain Steve couldn’t detect. He remembered how the last time he had the flu he could barely move a muscle and he was thankful for Sam being there for him. All his grief was fresh and new and the flu pulled the rug out from under him. As decently as he took care of himself, he was bedridden for five days and barely took in anything but broth and Gatorade. Most of that was thrown up shortly after to Sam’s dismay but it was the pain that was the worse part of it. He felt like his insides were aching from within and no matter what he took or did, nothing made it feel better. He was trapped with it and he didn’t want Bucky to endure the same thing. 

He rubbed the Vick’s against Bucky’s forehead, gently massaging it in before he moved to rub some against his throat, his palm cupping his skin to stroke it up from his collar bones and along the column of his throat and to the cleft of his chin. He watched as Bucky’s eyes close to the feeling, his free hand lightly pressing against Steve’s own thigh and he could only press his temple against Bucky’s in response to the closeness.

“Alright, I’m going to put some on your chest now, alright?”

Bucky nodded, boneless and relaxed while he held on to the bottle. Steve gathered up the hem of his shirt and held it up high, holding it at his shoulder. He stared at the way his chest slowly rose and fell with his breathing, his skin looking paler than usual. He gazed away, collecting some Vicks between his fingers, warming it again and then massaged it into his skin, Bucky’s pleased noises began to slip out again. Steve moved his palm to spread it across his chest brushing over a nipple and Bucky sighed, the pitch high and sweet. It made Steve turn too many shades of red and he swallowed nervously trying his best not to even think about anything like _that_. 

Steve quickly put an end to the session, letting Bucky’s t-shirt unfurl back against his body and moved him back into his blanket nest watching him roll onto his side so he had a line of sight to him. Giving him a smile, Steve internally sighed at himself, softly patting Bucky’s side as he watched him go back to sleep.

 

Steve pulled his keys out of his pocket, juggling a take out container and a bouquet of roses in one hand and arm, his right hand fiddling to find the right key before the door opened for him and Nat stared on the other side with a wry smile and a suspicious raised brow.

“Hey Nat.”

She took the container of food before it decided to take a leap to the floor, tilting her head to get him inside, placing it on the table. 

“Thanks. Was trying to juggle everything.”

Putting her hand out, she gestured her head at the roses, “Want me to put those in water for you?”

Steve nodded, handing them over so he could get out of his peacoat.

“So how’s Buck?”

“Rogers, why are you even here?”

He paused, holding his coat, giving a look over at the place, “Uh because it’s my apartment?”

Natasha snipped the ends of the roses before setting them in one of the vases, arranging them gently, “I figured you would be gone the whole night. Shouldn’t you be?”

“I just..”

Finally turning around, Natasha raised a brow at him, “Steve, he’s not dying. He’s not an infant. He’s perfectly fine without you for an evening and I’m here.”

Steve sighed out, shoulders deflating, “Okay Tony had to cut it short, it wasn’t me. Doesn’t mean I wasn’t worried about Bucky not eating and hoping he was comfortable.”

She only smirked at him rolling her eyes and not hiding it, “He drank a couple bottles of water, some apple juice and a whole bowl of broth. I got him to eat some crackers without getting sick. I also managed to get him into a bath so he wasn’t stinking up your bedroom with his sweat. You could have easily made these discoveries on the phone.”

Steve smiled over Bucky actually taking something in before he frowned, “Okay wait a minute. How did you get him to eat? Clint and I haven’t been able to get him to swallow down a whole bowl of broth without a fight and you got that, crackers and water AND apple juice?”

She only shrugged, “I told you, I can handle him. That and the both of you cave too easily to him. So back to what I was originally saying. You could have stayed at the tower.”

He shrugged back at her, “I could have, yeah. I didn’t want to. I feel better knowing I’m there if Bucky needs me. I know it sounds awful but honestly, Tony can’t come keep an eye on me while he’s working. If he had to cut our evening short to do work I know it’s serious. What am I going to do over there if I can come back and make sure Buck’s fine?”

The weird thing was that Tony didn't kick up a stink about it. He was a little put off, a little bothered but he didn't make his regular speech about how Bucky didn't have to be there to recuperate he only told Steve to give him a call later and that he was sorry about work getting in the way. Steve wasn't sure if he was trying to turn over a new leaf or if he was hiding something minor. He couldn't really think about it though and told himself he was probably thinking too hard about it.

She stepped up to him, clearly not convinced and not trying to hide it either. She poked his chest sharply, deliberately, “Remember what I said. You’re on a thin line but you knew that already.”

Steve put his hand over hers, smoothing it out so her palm was pressed to his chest nodding to her, “I promise, I’d never do anything to hurt him. _I swear_.”

Natasha lightly drummed her fingers against the beat of Steve’s heart, staring up at him with a gentle tilt of her head, “That’s easy to say, it’s even easier to break. You have to be a bigger man about this Steve despite how you feel and despite how attached to you he is.”

“It’s not like I forced him to come here when he got sick or told him to spend the night when he came back. It was his choice.”

“No, you didn’t but I’m sure you made enough puppy dog faces and told him no one had a right like you did with us and while it’s true, it doesn’t help him think clearly on what he should do for himself. I know what I’m saying might not matter because I have this feeling everything will go back to normal until another problem arises but I’m just saying you need to think about what kind of message you’re really sending out to him when you say all you’re trying to do is tell him to think for himself.”

She patted him lightly, “It’s hard for him to do what’s good for him when he thinks he’s going to disappoint you because of it.”

He drew in a deep nervous breath, nodding to her, “No one’s a winner in this are they?”

Natasha turned and picked up her coat and keys off the couch, glancing at him with a shake of her head, “No, not right now at least, but I should get going if you’re home. Goodnight Steve.”

Steve moved to get the front door open, “Goodnight.”

Making his way down the hallway and into his room, Bucky’s back was turned, shoulder softly rising and falling as he breathed through his mouth quietly. He noticed the sheets were a different color and the room smelled aired out and fresh like laundry detergent. How she managed to do all that was beyond him but it _was_ Nat and he believed she could definitely do anything she put her mind to. Changed and ready for bed, he sent out one more goodnight text to Tony before he shuffled under the two blankets Bucky was snuggled under. The movement immediately triggered a soft moan in front of him and a hand went up.

“Steve?”

“Yeah it’s me.” Steve shifting closer to press his chest against Bucky’s back and immediately Bucky pressed himself in, his body engulfed in feverish heat. Steve’s fingers folded into Bucky’s clammy hand and a weak grip squeezed back, sighing softly through his mouth as he settled in again.

Steve tucked his face against the nape of Bucky’s neck, inhaling the fresh scent of something like baby powder and traces of peppermint mixed with the Vaporub. He couldn’t help breathing it in more strongly, enjoying how Bucky never really smelled like anything musky or dominating, it was always calming like lavender or crisp and fresh like mint; even the rosemary in his shampoo, as strong as it could be was still subtle and only there to remind everyone it was present. Mixed into his own natural scent, altogether they were just simply Bucky. It lulled him into a shelter of safety and security, wary weak walls of worry that things might fuck up dropping away one at a time and soon he was falling asleep lost in the orbit that was always around Bucky.

 

Bucky stirred awake to soft breathing and the dark sky staring at him. His chest was on fire, his everything was on fire, barely any energy to shrug off and escape the blankets trapping him in, sweat and ointment stuck to his skin. He breathed in the cooled air, his lungs parched and sore. Steve slept formed into him, an arm securely holding him pressed down in the bed and against his frame. 

Bucky could only assume he had been sleeping for only a few hours, the night not even hitting any morning light yet but he wanted to sit up, the heat unbearable against his burning flushed skin. He shakily pulled himself up, barely able to grasp at the water bottle waiting for him on the night table.

Steve stirred awake watching him drink, a hand sleepily running against his back, “Buck?”

Taking another sip, his other hand reached out to stroke affectionately through a tuft of blond, “Sorry, s’hot.”

Steve half sat up beside him, leaning against his arm checking his forehead, “Your forehead is still on fire. I’ll make you a mug of that Theraflu drink, take some pills, I’ll be back.”

Bucky grabbed his wrist, “I just took something a few hours ago Steve.”

Steve raised his brows, “No you didn’t.”

Bucky reached up to check if his forehead was warm, “Did you forget?”

The blond lightly nudged Bucky’s wrist with his nose, “No, Bucky you’ve been in and out of sleep for the last day or so. You don’t remember?”

“What? No..”

Steve nodded as he properly sat upright, grabbing the bottle of aspirin. He took Bucky’s hand, shaking out two tablets, gesturing him to take it. Bucky did as he was told, silently watching Steve get up from the bed and leave the room. Bucky capped his water and slipped back against the mattress not realizing he had missed a whole day because of the flu. The bed suddenly felt nice again, brushing sweat off his brow with the back of his hand relishing in not wanting to be upright anymore prior to his earlier ideas to get out of bed and wanting to move about. He almost fell back asleep when Steve came back a few minutes later holding a large steaming mug. 

Steve moved around the bed to set it on the other night table, usually his side but he wasn’t going make Bucky decide, watching him usually make a blanket nest in the center of the bed then roll around undecidedly throughout the evening and day. 

“What day is it?”

Steve sank down on the bed, rolling to his side, propping his arm up to rest his head on his hand, “It’s Friday night.” 

“When did that happen?”

All Steve could do was laugh, “It just happened, you’ve been in and out swimming in medication for a couple days now.”

Bucky blinked slowly trying to recall all this. He remembered Natasha clearly enough on Wednesday and then Sam dropped by around dinner time on Thursday to check up on him while Steve was gone to work. Clint brought some new comic issues over but he slept through most of his talking and there were bits and pieces of Steve around.

“Shit, everything’s a blur.”

Rolling onto his back, Steve nodded, “It happens, especially with the drowsy meds. How are you feeling right now?”

Bucky crawled over and rested his head on Steve’s shoulder, staring at him, “Well for maybe one minute I was too hot and wanted to walk around then as soon as I was about to get out I wanted to go back to sleep again. I was too hot and now I'm kind of in the middle and my body has this ongoing achy feeling. I don’t even know.”

“Well then you’re still sick but back to being a bit coherent. That’s a plus,” He curled his arm in, lightly stroking fingers through greasy heavy hair, “Need to take a shower or something though.”

Nodding in agreement, Bucky only curled in and began to doze off again.

Bucky was aware Steve was walking down the hallway the next time he woke up, shuffling through the apartment and at some point he was talking to Tony. He could tell by the way his tone changed, open and allowing him in, laughing along with an ease to it. He was too tired, sinking under the blankets and fading back to sleep with dreams about nothing and his body feeling disjointed. It wasn’t until a hand gently shook him through the protection of the blanket that he woke up again, head tilting almost automatically to Steve’s warm hand with a small whine. 

“I set a bath up for you.”

Attempting to push him away through the covers, Bucky tried to burrow himself under the second blanket but he knew better than to struggle with a stubborn best friend, feeling him tug the blankets out of the way and uncover him with a stern authoritative look that Bucky would have made fun of under normal circumstances. 

“Not this time. I’m pulling a Natasha and forcing you to take a bath. It’ll soothe your body and clear you up a little, besides you love them.”

Weakly Bucky batted his hand at him, palm pressing against Steve’s nose with furrowed brows and as much as Steve was attempting to be the boss, he couldn’t hide the muddled laugh escaping out of him. 

“When you get better I’m testing you for feline DNA, just letting you know.”

Bucky grumped, grabbing for the blanket to go under again but he was easily swept up by Steve and carried out of the room. On the plus side, he allowed himself to tuck his face against the side of Steve’s neck with a pitiful whine and his friend nodded, “I know, trust me I’ve been there I know. Sam almost carried me into a bath too and yep, Sam can easily do that if he liked even if he doesn’t look like he could.”

Bucky was set down on the toilet seat eyeing the bathtub filled with steaming water and overflowing bubbles. He turned his head to look at Steve watching him set down a new towel and some clothes, looking to see if he forgot anything before he turned to leave. 

“Steve.”

He didn’t even recognize his voice, it sounded like Darth Sidious on a good day, raising a tired hand. Steve was quick to take it, Bucky’s free hand trying to wrangle himself out of his t-shirt. 

“Here.” His friend murmured softly, sitting against the lip of the tub and helping him out of his t-shirt and pants so he was only sitting in boxers. 

Bucky glanced at him, leaning against his arm for a second, “Will you sit here with me? I’ll keep my boxers on to save you a panic.”

A snort escaped him, “I’m not worried about you going fully naked, not right now at least. I’m more worried about getting you to eat something.”

Bucky wanted to argue with him, his brain wanting nothing to do with it though. He felt a warm palm slide down his side, grazing down his ribs, a small suck of breath near his face. 

“You’re losing way too much weight.”

“Steve, I’m like one eighty or something.”

He glanced up, only to see Steve frown and pinch his side lightly, “Who’re you kidding right now? You’re like a buck fifty and a dime right now.”

“Don’t get all weird on me Rogers."

He sighed heavily, “I’m not getting weird, you need to start eating something soon. Getting sick just added to it.”

Bucky reached up and pinched his cheeks, he knew he was right but he wasn’t hungry lately so it wasn’t like he could eat and settle him down. He carefully got himself up and kept his modesty intact deciding against flashing Steve even if he could blame the flu on it. Resting a hand on Steve’s shoulder, he climbed into the water adjusting to the temperature before sitting himself down.

Turning to the bathroom counter, Steve grabbed a small box, “I saw you were running out of that cream rose girly soap you use so I grabbed some more on the way home.” 

Bucky shifted his tired gaze at Steve, throwing the wet washrag at his chin watching it slap him in the face before Steve unceremoniously caught it. 

“Hey!”

He ignored his friend’s protest in favor of soaking in bubbles and closing his eyes with his hand out. 

Steve could only shake his head and sit himself down on the floor before the toilet, setting the dripping washcloth on the edge of the tub with the soap on top of it. He propped his knees up and rested his arms against them quietly watching all the bath bubbles push up Bucky's chest. 

“Thank you for sitting with me.”

Steve reached over and took Bucky’s hand, giving it a gentle shake feeling him muster up a light squeeze in return.

 

“Bucky, I made you some chicken soup. I know you love those egg noodles.”

Bucky made a soft whimpering noise underneath a heft of blankets, the top of his head peeking out just barely. He had been going up and down in moods from miserable to a little better his flu on top of not eating both combining in an effort to make him feel terrible. Steve sat down beside him setting the bowl down on the night table. His warmed fingers lightly brushed against Bucky’s forehead, the fever calming down a bit, his hand gently smoothing out his hair. 

After giving Natasha a call about it, she offered him an idea to reward him if he ate a little bit, for example receiving a back rub or a scalp massage to soothe and lull Bucky to sleep. They both knew that once he was feeling better there was a chance he would get hungry again and Bucky would raid Steve’s fridge with no mercy so he slowly stocked up on some of Bucky’s favorite things in anticipation for it.

Bucky shifted a little, resting his head against Steve’s thigh but not making any adjustment to eat, his eyes closing as if he was going to sleep again. 

“Did you take some aspirin and water?” 

Steve watched Bucky shift his head out a bit, his eyes still closed as he wiggled out with his shoulders from under the covers, he promptly nodded against his leg then went still again, Steve not able to help the fond smile across his face. Bucky was spoiled rotten, there was no doubt about that. Oh he was a sweetheart and he hid it well but he definitely knew how to wrap people around his finger to get what he wanted. Steve would have sighed if he hated it, his large strong fingers dipping again into his mess of brown hair dragging them through the slight heaviness to it. A few minutes passed before he drew back, picking up the book he had brought along with him. 

Bucky listened intently to pages being turned, he didn’t look to see what Steve was doing, assuming only that he had started to sketch again. He had been doing it a lot while they stayed holed up inside and Bucky quickly was accustomed to the sound nuzzling lightly against the feel of Steve’s warm muscular thigh against his cheek.

_“When a day that you happen to know is Wednesday starts off by sounding like Sunday, there is something seriously wrong somewhere..”_

Bucky furrowed his brows suddenly, heavy familiarity striking him through all the dizzying cloudiness he was laying inside of. He was suddenly more aware, his heart fluttered and jumped not able to hide the excited smile on his face. He refused to look up at Steve right then, afraid he would stop reading him _Day of the Triffids_ and Bucky would have seriously considered crying not even knowing how he even _knew_.

_“..I felt that from the moment I woke. And yet, when I started functioning a little more smartly, I became doubtful. After all, the odds were that it was I who was wrong, and not everyone else though I did not see how that could be. I went on waiting, tinged with doubt. But presently I had my first bit of objective evidence, a distant clock struck what sounded to me just like eight. I listened hard and suspiciously. Soon another clock began, on a hard, decisive note. In a leisurely fashion it gave an indisputable eight. Then I knew things were awry..”_

Bucky held his breath when Steve stopped, the sound of pages closing together.

“If you eat, I’ll continue.” He murmured out lowly and Bucky hated him for it, finally looking up at him with gentle ash grey eyes. He almost told him so but Steve could only smile softly back at him as if he could read Bucky’s mind putting his hand out knowing full well that Bucky would concede considering it was one of his favorite story’s. 

Bucky only sighed in a huff, wobbling slightly as he rested a hand on Steve’s, his friend helped him sit up, sitting him up beside him and propping him up against the headboard. Without a second’s hesitation, Steve leaned to reach out and retrieve the soup bowl which was only filled halfway, resting it against Bucky’s lap. A small sad sound escaped his throat and Steve almost caved, _almost_. The urge to comfort him with a kiss on the temple flashing across his mind before dissipating into the air. 

Steve opened the book again, leaning back against the headboard himself, Bucky resting against his side with the bowl pressed up to his chest. He sipped the soup from his spoon at a snail’s pace peeking at the words while Steve continued but they had a lot to cover anyway, Bucky would get through the soup in time. To Steve, this was a major victory and if he had to bribe him with a better incentive that Natasha luckily clued him into, no one was the wiser about it.

 

It was late Sunday morning when Bucky wanted grill cheese sandwiches. That was easy, Steve made them millions of times for himself it wasn’t complicated. He paced around excitedly in the kitchen pulling out the bag of bread, the butter, the cheese and then he began staring at the ingredients beside a can of tomato soup. What if Bucky ate two slices with one sandwich? What if it’s not the right cheese? What if he buttered both sides of the bread? He immediately called Natasha to ask her, she would help him, she had been practically the whole week anyway.

Instead she was laughing at him.

He sighed leaning against the counter pinching the bridge of his nose in annoyance and frustration.

Then she told Clint, who then also started laughing at him in the background.

“Okay look, I know it sounds stupid and I know how to make them, I just called to ask if you knew how he likes them not to be laughed at. Please Nat.”

When she finally stopped, he could literally hear her wiping her tears. 

“It’s not about the sandwich, it’s about how ridiculous you sound over trying to please Bucky. Bucky eats frozen dinners and pasta out of a can, however way you make a grilled cheese sandwich he will eat it. You’re over thinking this Rogers. Just be happy he wants to eat something that’s not liquid.”

Steve brought in a tray with two bowls of tomato soup, two plates holding a pair of sandwiches on each and a matching set of glasses containing chocolate milk; Bucky’s eyes met his when he put it down on the bed beside him. He had been sitting up and reading another book that, from the looks of it, presented itself like it was some kind of mystery novel. 

His hair was sweaty and a little greasy, wearing powder blue striped pajamas, the shirt had its top two buttons undone and was given to Steve by a relative a few months ago so it hung off one shoulder a little bit on Bucky revealing just how prominent his collarbone was going. Steve did his best not to say anything or worry about his weight some more, studying instead on how Bucky liked Steve’s 'grandpa pajamas’ and that they were comfortable and really..that was all he honestly cared about.

“You’re going to eat what I’m eating?”

He seemed surprised; sitting beside him with the food before him, Steve only smirked. He rested a plate on Bucky’s blanket covered lap, careful not to make too much movement on the bed or else there was going to be chocolate milk to pay. He reached for his own plate, looking down at it for a second, “What? I can’t eat like a kid with you? I made you two, you didn’t say how much you wanted..”

He looked up when he heard the crisp distinct sounds of biting into toasted bread, Bucky half way through his first sandwich triangle half, his other hand already holding the other. He froze when he saw the look on Steve’s face, not sure what to make of it. He drew his mouth back from his next bite, a touch of color over his cheeks, “Uh, sorry was I supposed to wait for you?”

Steve grinned, wide and happy, “No, of course not.”

Shrugging, Bucky went back to his food, devouring the sandwich like his life depended on it, which just might have been true this time around, then breaking into the second one, “Why’re you looking at me like that then?”

Taking a bite of his own sandwich corner, Steve gently bumped his shoulder to his friend’s, “Because you’re eating again. Like before.”

“That’s good, isn’t it?” He muttered back with his mouth full. 

“Yeah Buck. Definitely.”

“Good because, my stomach wants more.” He snatched half a sandwich off Steve’s plate, quickly taking a bite before any protest could arise.

“Hey! That’s mine!”

Throwing his head back in a fake faint, Bucky fell against his friend with a wistful sigh, “But Steve, I’m sick..”

“You’re not sick, you’re a Jerk. Always a jerk.”

Bucky smiled at him, Steve watching him take another bite and chew before Bucky turned his head to press his nose playfully against Steve’s jaw and everything inside the blond tingled like sunshine and stardust. He reached his hand out and took Bucky’s, their fingers entwining together and Bucky comfortably rested his head against his shoulder.

“Thanks for taking care of me Stevie.”

Steve rested his head against his friend’s after pressing a soft kiss into brown hair that meant more than Bucky would know, “Always."

He didn’t know how long they were snuggled and cat napping together, tray set on the floor with empty dishes and legs tangled in a mess of blankets. Bucky knew he had to take a shower, Steve knew he had to strip the bed and wash everything but for now with bellies full they slept, Steve finally giving in to completely relaxing without the worry of making sure Bucky was comfortable or not, the both of them dead to the world. 

It was so much so in those terms that neither realized Sam stopped by to check on them with Bucky’s key. He carried in a pair of grocery bags and set them on the kitchen table, creeping carefully to the bedroom only find Steve sprawled on is back with his arms spread out across the entirety of the bed and Bucky using one bicep as a pillow. He took in the tissue filled wastebasket and medications but also the empty dishes, smiling to himself before he snuck out again and proceeded with what he had planned to come over and do for them. 

 

“Hey..I thought I smelled something good.”

Sam glanced up with a grin, pulling a pan with a perfectly golden roast chicken on a bed of potatoes and carrots. 

“Hey right back. Figured I would drop in and see if you two needed anything but then I found you both asleep. I brought some stuff over for a dinner, I didn’t think you’d be eating anything but take out or soup for the past five or so days.”

Steve only stepped closer, sleepy eyes locked on the roast with his brows going up, “Did you make herb chicken?” 

Grinning proudly Sam nodded, watching Steve really get an idea of dinner; fresh baked bread sitting on a cutting board with a salad dressed in herbs and olive oil. Large chunks of bright red tomatoes, cucumbers and feta with bits of onion and olives sat waiting for Steve and he could only grin wider, “And that Greek salad you always make.”

“Gotta have it with fresh bread, sop that olive oil right up.” Glancing down the hall, Sam stepped a little closer to Steve, “So how’s he doing?”

Steve stole a slice of cucumber, nodding to himself, “He’s good. Better. Tired but he devoured some tomato soup, two sandwiches and half of one of mine and a glass of chocolate milk so he’s eating again. I’m just happy he’s got his appetite back.”

His best friend patted his back, “Hey we knew he was going to, it was just a matter of time.”

Sam began carving the chicken up into a serving dish after putting the potatoes and carrots into another dish, catching movement at the corner of his eye. Bucky tiredly sauntered out with his mouth open in a wide yawn and half opened eyes. It was the first time he had seen Bucky’s bear paw slippers on his feet, still wearing the striped pajamas with the collar hanging off and a multicolored afghan draped around his shoulders.

“Hey Bucky.”

“Hi Sam, didn’t know you were coming over.”

“I dropped in while you two were napping. Are you hungry?”

Bucky blinked, his brows slowly going up perking to the thought of food, “I’m _starving_.”

Sam grinned towards Steve, “He’s back.”

Steve and Bucky smiled at each other in a way Sam never got tired of seeing, especially nowadays like they were fortuitous to see each other once again and silently counting their blessings. It was so honest and simple, pulling something so very pure out of the pair of them that Sam really did like seeing only feeling a little guilty that it was probably only meant for just them. He gave himself a second to feel better about life in general if they could share something so sweet every time he saw it before the entire picture came into view and he was reminded once again how reality really was for the two of them.

“Grab a seat, are you still feeling sick?”

Collecting some dishes and cutlery together, Steve began to set the table keeping a vigilant eye on Bucky curling himself tighter in the blanket, “I think I’m still a little sick but I can move around and stuff. I feel cold but I’m so hungry. I feel like no one fed me anything for months.”

Sam chuckled, getting the last bits of chicken into the serving dish, “Lucky I’m here then huh?”

“Definitely.” He let out, beaming at the spread.

They all began to help themselves when all the food was put out, Steve and Sam watching with amusement as Bucky tried his best not to pile his plate like he was at an all-you-can-eat buffet. Tired puffy red eyes stared over all the food, buttering a couple slices of warm bread and tearing into a third one just to stave himself while he plated some chicken and vegetables. He stuffed a forkful of the salad into his already full mouth, picking out a large bit of feta holding it in wait to cram into his mouth. Steve dropped his fork, reaching out with a gentle smile to stop Bucky from grabbing another slice of bread before he even dug into the rest of the food on his plate.

“Buck, you’re gonna make yourself sick. There’s a lot of food there and you’ve already been devouring the bread, relax and take your time. Okay?”

Bucky froze, drawing his hands away and nodding, features shifting to a look of shame, sniffing his nose as he took his fork to eat what he had. Steve pressed his warm hand over the one Bucky left resting on the table, giving it a squeeze, “I’m glad you’re eating, really glad actually but take your time with it. The food’s not going anywhere.”

A small bit of bread went flying across the table and bounced squarely off Bucky’s head, startling him before he looked at Sam who was grinning away, “And you’re not either so come on, let’s enjoy dinner.”

Steve rolled his eyes, glancing at the piece of bread that had soared into the air and hit the floor, “Sam, I keep telling Bucky not to throw food around, I have to tell you too now?”

Sam only waved him off with a smirk, “I cleaned up after _you_ , I have rights to throw pieces of bread around.”

 

Steve knew the exact moment when there was an uninvited guest in his apartment the second Bucky hollered like he was trying to be angry at something but it came out like he was about to pass out. Steve raised his head up and threw his art book down on the table so fast it slid across the surface and fell to the other side, pencil tossed somewhere else entirely and heavy footsteps pounded to the bedroom. He arrived only to find Bucky standing on the bed in absolute hysterics with a pillow clutched to his chest looking around frantically and Steve already knew that face, knew it so well and he only saw it once, thank God.

Bucky sighed at the sight of him, “Steve! There’s a fucking spider in here! It went under the bed save me!”

Steve looked at his flushed face and he tried his best not to laugh, Bucky’s lashes glistening with unspilt tears as he tried to keep watch of all three sides of the bed, fists clutching tight to the pillow like a shield. Steve snapped himself out of it because his brain reminded him of last time Bucky saw a spider and how he became a monkey and an octopus all at once around his head. 

“Buck,” He soothed out stepping towards him like he was trying to calm a raptor in Jurassic Park, it was that mandatory. “Let me look okay? You’re fine. Just relax, deep breaths.”

Bucky did as he was told, nodding warily and taking a breather. He refused to move from the dead center of the bed and his eyes kept checking every three points. He did another scan and suddenly looked up with a pitiful pout and one arm outstretched for him, “ _Steve_!”

“I know, okay.” He stepped towards the end of the bed and put his hand out, Bucky gave one quick sweep around the bed before he took it, pillow shield still up and ready for battle.

“It’s here somewhere, I was trying to pack my stuff together and I saw it on the wall by the closet door and threw your shirt at it and it scurried off somewhere under the bed!” The last bit came out whiny as he bounced off one foot to the other nervously, chewing at his lip.

“Kay, you’re okay. I’m gonna go check under the bed now.”

They gave each other a look before he carefully knelt down and leaned his head at eye level to the wood floor and lifted the skirt of one side seeing nothing, “All clear this side.”

He crawled to the front of the bed, Bucky following him to be in his vicinity staring around at the floor in wariness. The second Steve lifted the skirt at the front of the bed he saw something dart out from the corner, a bigger spider than last time with eight fast ugly as sin legs carrying it off and under his closet door. Bucky saw it at the same time, screaming bloody murder and running off the bed in the opposite direction but not before using Steve’s back as a vaulting apparatus, one heel of his foot pressing into his shoulder blade to push his weight off and leap away towards the door, slamming it closed behind him, thunderous bare feet running towards the living room.

Releasing a low sigh, he rubbed the spot on his back absently as he pulled himself up. There was no way Bucky was coming back here if he knew the spider existed, spending a good fifteen minutes looking for the bugger. He managed to imprison it in an empty water bottle just for proof of capture and then it would be released though he was sure Bucky wanted it executed immediately. He grinned to himself, returning back to the living room, “I found him.”

Bucky turned to look at him, sitting at the top of the couch with his feet tucked under the blanket on the cushions. His expression changed when he saw the black thing in the water bottle, putting a hand up to stop Steve from coming any closer and the blond could only roll his eyes, rerouting his walk to the window towards the fire escape. He shook the bottle outside on the railing and promptly closed the window again making sure Bucky saw him lock it up tightly knowing he was watching his every move to make sure he was getting rid of it to his satisfaction.

“You’re safe now, you may continue packing for your leave.”

Bucky shivered nervously where he sat, “So gross.”

Steve walked over, sitting down beside him. He really didn’t want Bucky to leave now that he felt better but he was going to see Jack to check up on how he was doing and there was no way he was going to whine about wanting him to stay when that was why he wanted to go.

Instead he turned his back to his friend, looking at him over his shoulder, “Hop on.”

Bucky looked at him curiously and Steve only bounced his shoulders. You never had to tell Bucky twice about something like that, moving over to wrap his arms around Steve’s shoulders, hands supporting the weight of his thighs.

Picking him up easily, Steve strolled through towards the hallway, “You know, this is nicer when you’re not trying to squeeze the life out of me while screaming in my ear.”

Bucky snorted, bumping his head playfully against Steve's, "I'll let that one pass because you're my spider knight."

Grinning, Steve nodded appreciatively, "I actually like that one, Sir Rogers, Spider Knight."

  
  
At the studio apartment, Bucky put his backpack away by Jack’s bed holding up a baggy and a soft pink pastry box when he was done, “Interested?”

Peering up from the television Jack tilted his head in thought, then nodded, “Minor back pain, why not?”

With a grin Bucky immediately fell down beside his friend, bumping his shoulder against Jack’s arm letting out a sigh, “Thank God, sometimes smoking alone is so crappy.”

There was already one joint sitting with the pot, Bucky pulling the table closer to put everything else on it, tugging out some rolling papers deeply hidden in his front pocket then lighting his joint up.

“Hey wait,” He glanced over, “Are you even supposed to do another drug instead of coke when you’re recovering?”

Jack leaned forward, taking out the grinder from the baggy, “If I get addicted to pot you can officially kick my ass.”

Bucky thought about it and then nodded, “Deal. You know I will.”

“What’s that?” Jack inquired a few minutes later, blowing out smoke over his head and pointing at the large pink box on the table.

Bucky grinned wide, picking it up and resting it onto his lap flipping the top of the flap up, “Doughnuts.”

Immediately lighting up, in both ways, Rollins peered at a dozen mixed types neatly laid against each other and waiting for him. He chose the Boston cream first while Bucky reached in for a double chocolate doughnut with the thick ganache icing holding it with his teeth, parking the box back on the table so he could prop his legs up and roll another joint on a magazine already on his lap prior to the box. 

Four doughnuts later and too many puffs, Bucky pointing at the television nodded towards the actor on screen with narrowed eyes, “I would totally kiss him. Just walk right up to him in that scene and kiss him. Somehow I would get the balls to just go for it.”

Jack snorted, smoke rushing out of his mouth in a huff of air, slumped back against the couch with his legs stretched up on the coffee table before him, “Sunshine, how many guys you kissed before?”

Bucky turned his head, taking the joint offered to him, half lidded eyes gazing over as he squished closer like he was holding a secret, “Me? Way way too many. If you don’t count sex, _tons_. You?” 

Chuckling, his friend turned back to the movie, stealing a long john out of the box and taking a large bite, groaning out at how good it was, “I kissed only one guy before. At a party, I was drunk but not that drunk. I knew it was happening.”

Bucky froze not exactly expecting him to say he had kissed a guy before, holding the joint away from his mouth to turn his upper body at full attention to Rollins, “What?! Did you like it? Was Brock there? Was it Brock? Tell me!”

A humored smile lifted across Jack’s features, the deep scar along his chin creasing with the movement. He nodded, “I guess I did. It was _different_ , nothing like kissing a female and no, Brock wasn’t there so it wasn’t obviously him. I never told him about it, I’m sure he wouldn’t care but I just never thought to tell him it happened. It just..happened.”

He shrugged like he was making some unimportant decision in life tilting his head back against the couch with his eyes closed and finished off his treat while Bucky could only stare at him in awe.

“Did you guys, you know. Do stuff? Do I know him? Was it a full make out or like just some little kiss, was there tongue? Jack this is amazing and important to my life, I need details.”

Jack cracked a bloodshot eye open to really look at Bucky, mulling the answer in his languid mind, “Nothing else happened, maybe just holding each other while we were kissing and yeah making out so there was definitely tongue. _Maybe_ a little pressing into each other but I wasn’t interested in him, I don’t think you know him, he was an old army buddy. Spilled the beans about how he thought I was hot when we met in basic and while catching up it just..you know, happened. Like I said, we were at a party, got away somewhere to catch up and he was a little drunk too but not stupidly and he admitted it like it was a little joke. I figure he wanted to get it off his chest in case we never saw each other since it had been while with all the time it took me to recover anyway. We were in some tucked away sitting room on a couch and we could still hear everything happening but no one was in there with us and the music was drowned out. I don’t know, I just leaned in and he got with the program real quick.”

Bucky groaned, dropping his forehead against the front of Jack’s chest with a soft sigh, “I wish I saw that and why weren’t you interested if you made the first move?”

Jack shrugged helplessly, “I was curious, it wasn’t like I hadn’t thought about kissing a guy before. Your antics kind of makes a guy think sometimes. I just wasn’t interested in him, not at all. He pretty much opened himself up for it in case I would want to kiss him and I took it. I found I did like kissing guys but you know, just wasn’t who I wanted to kiss, I guess.”

“Maybe you missed a certain best friend you’d rather make out with.”

He relaxed back into the couch, taking another drag, “Brock? Nah. Maybe I’ve accepted that I’m bi but he ain’t. Been chasing skirts all our lives, I would think I’d notice if he was looking at guys too.”

Bucky shrugged, an impish smile across his face with lips wrapped around a new joint, “Maybe he’s just waiting for one guy in specific. They have that you know, being in love with one specific person no matter if its a guy or a girl.”

Jack only rolled his eyes, finishing off the last bit last bit before it was stubbed out in the ashtray, folding his arms against his stomach comfortably not bothering to comment.

Stretching his own legs out, Bucky shrugged as he took another drag, “You never know, I may be right.”

His friend snorted, “I ain’t about to see if you’re right on a hunch.”

“So you _are_ into Brock.”

Rollins wasn’t taking the bait, a slow smile spreading across his lazy face. His head leaned back more, facing the ceiling with his eyes closed and no care in the world, “I never said that. I’m just not about to check if your theory is correct or not.”

Bucky snuggled closer and Jack automatically lifted his arm and pulled Bucky tight against his side, coils of smoke escaping out his nose, his chin pressed against the man’s shoulder staring at him intently, “I’m just saying. You both could be long lost soulmates and not know it.”

A small chuckle escaped beside him, Bucky rubbing his nose against Rollins’ arm to get an itch.

“Me and Brock have been friends since we were little tiny kids, never once have I seen him kiss a guy let alone flirt with them. If he does it’s clearly as a joke to get a drink and it’s only with friends of ours.”

“Haven’t you guys slept in bed together?”

Jack raised a brow, “Yeah?”

“And he hasn’t you know, copped a feel or held you or nothing like that?”

“He’s punched and kicked me in his sleep from as far as I can remember. He spoons a lot but I mean, I kinda like cuddling with him.”

Bucky tried to hold back his snort but failed miserably, “Rollins!”

“What?”

“You like cuddling with him? Are you as messed up as you sound?!” Bucky laughed helplessly, falling sideways at the opposite side of the couch in a heap, holding the joint up in the air to avoid burning anything.

Jack took it, playfully poking at Bucky’s ribs where he was ticklish, “I like it? Why is that so funny to you?”

Bucky surged up, slapping his friend’s hand away with less grace than usual, “Because!”

He stole back the joint and took a drag, holding it in while Jack stared at him mildly stoned and patiently waiting while Bucky only wiggled his brows and then the box of doughnuts caught Rollins’ eye again, reaching for a bear paw.

He devoured it reasonably quickly, watching his friend blow to smoke out over his head gazing away at it like it was a set of stars, he turned with a soft smile, “He’s totally your cuddle buddy, that’s so adorable.”

Jack let out a soft discernible grunt, lightly giving Bucky a soft push and taking another toke himself after he licked his fingers clean, “Maybe.”

Stealing a doughnut for himself, Bucky sank lower into the couch, his legs extending out against the table crossing his ankles, “Jackie and Rummy sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G..”

“Stop,” Rollins reached out and tickled his side mercilessly watching him yelp and flop sideways, sliding to the floor with a thud.

“Not until you admit you think he’s a hottie.”

“ _You_ think he’s a hottie.”

“That’s because he is a hottie.”

Jack laughed, pulling him back up on the couch, “I’m glad we got that established.”

“So?”

“So what?”

Bucky raised his brows up and down giggling out, “Is he?”

“You’re not gonna let up are you?”

His friend only shook his head, resting his head on Rollins’ shoulder, stretching his long legs out again against the table watching his toes wiggle.

Rolling his eyes, Jack shrugged, “Yes, Brock is a hottie I guess.”

“ _You guess_?”

Rubbing his hand against his face, Jack sighed loudly into it not sure how he got himself into this, “Okay, he is.”

“You should totally bang him Jack, just fuck his brains out. Film it too.”

Jack broke out into a mess of laughter, “You are..something else.”

Bucky nodded in complete agreement with the statement as he took another doughnut, “I’m totally going to get fat, I’m gonna have to marry someone who likes a little pudge all over my body, good thing I look slightly cute because food is too tasty.”

“Or you could..you know, work out like we do.”

Scowling, Bucky shook his head, “Too much work. I already told Brock I only like working up a sweat one way and that’s that.”

Brock walked in as the day melted later into the night, tossing his keys onto the tiny kitchen table looking over at Bucky and Jack not realizing his presence and more interested in mystery doughnut flavors, the studio apartment reeking of pot.

Jack shrugged at Bucky with a smile, biting into a powdered one this time, a small grunt of recognition coming out of him, “Lemon.”

“Gimmie.” Bucky outstretched his fingers, half sprawled against his friend, taking it and trading him the grape powdered one he had bit into.

Brock dropped his gym bag at the door with an intentional noise and strolled over, tilting the pink pastry box with the edge of his finger to find it empty except for the two they were eating, “So this what you two been doin’ while I’m workin’? Getting high and eating doughnuts? Buncha lazy fatasses.”

Jack’s head fell back against the couch again, glancing over at Brock giving him a dirty look which only made him chew with his open mouth to look more obnoxious, giving him a wink as he relished in another bite.

“You coulda joined us.” Bucky retorted.

“Kiddo, you haven’t been here all of a day and you’re already a bad influence on Jackie.”

He only smiled at his friend, giving him a helpless shrug, eyes too heavy to look at him.

Jack only held Bucky closer, squeezing him to his side swallowing down what he was eating while looking at Brock, “Don’t be picking on my baby and go take a fuckin’ shower you’re stinking up my place.”

Immediately Brock took offense, “ _Me_?! I’m the one stinkin’ it up? Are you fuckin’ insane or just that high?”

“Both,” Bucky retorted. “And you really are all smelly go shower.”

Brock narrowed his eyes in annoyance, pulling his zip up off so he was only in his black tank top and long shorts. Instead of turning to head to the bathroom he turned to the couch and fell on top of the both of them.

“Brock!” Bucky tried to shove him off, “I don’t wanna stink like a jock strap!”

Jack took the opportunity to mess up Rumlow’s hair, laughing down at him, “Go. Shower. You really _really_ stink.”

Grinning and laying out on his back with a hand tucked behind his head, he looked up at Rollins, tugging at some of his t-shirt to sniff at it, “So do you.”

Bucky looked at them and he swore they were giving each other the eyes but he was mildly hazy on it, barely putting any effort into shoving Brock’s ass off him again.

“Why don’t you two go shower together, that should relieve some tension.” He softly muttered.

 

Bucky changed into warm plaid blue flannel from head to toe, sleeves too long as he buried under Jack’s bed covers down the middle nudging the man to the edge as he was trying to read.

“What’re you doing?”

“This is my bed now, I’m pushing you off it.”

Jack pushed him towards Brock, Bucky losing his balance and falling face first into his back while their friend tried to pull on some clean socks. He looked over his shoulder with a raised brow and his friend only laughed, rolling back into the middle dropping his face on an awaiting pillow.

“Are you still high?”

Jack nudged Bucky with his foot, watching him yawn and curl up into a ball, tucking his chin in against his shirt, the collar going high up against his ears tucked deep under the covers, “Maybe he is a little but he’s ready to knock himself out looks like.”

Settling in for bed himself, Brock surfed through the television, taking a glance at Rollins going back to his book clearing his throat slightly, “You sure you want me to stay? I mean you got the Kid over here..”

His friend smiled, not looking up from his page, “Neither of you need to be here, I mean I like the company but my back’s fine, it’s been a week. It just pulls a little and that happened the last time too. By next week I won’t even notice it happened.”

“Well now you’re being a stubborn jackass so I ain’t movin'.”

Rollins finally lifted his eyes off the page to look over at him, “You always know best.”

“Shut up, I fuckin’ do.”

Jack grinned outright, going back to his page and pressing his lips together as he shook his head to himself and Brock watched him, his own lips twitching a little and trying not to smirk as he turned to look at the television again.

 

Bucky woke up with a start in the middle of the night screaming and gasping out for air. He sat up with an expression of horror across his face as he clutched his chest, fingers scratching down the collar of his throat as he struggled to breathe again. His free hand wrapped tight around Brock’s wrist, feeling him sit up just as quickly and bring his shoulder into his chest wrenching the hold free just to be able to rub Bucky’s back.

“Come on Kiddo, you’re alright.”

A soft choked gasp fell out of Bucky before he realized where he was, Jack sitting up and staring at him with a hand on his face, Brock still briskly rubbing his back.

“Jack?”

Jack smiled gently at him, blinking a couple of times to get out of his foggy vision, “Yeah, you alright?”

He nodded vaguely, turning to look at Brock. He cupped his friend’s cheeks and smiled, relieved to suddenly lay eyes on him, a tear falling down his face, “Brock? You’re okay.”

Rumlow raised his brows, “Yeah? Why wouldn’t I be?”

Furrowing his brows, Bucky looked down at his hands, lost in thought for a moment, “You were drowning again.”

“Well that was a long while ago Kiddo, I ain’t drownin’ no more, you saved me remember?”

Making a small noise in confirmation, Bucky nodded but wasn’t entirely sure of what was going on still drowsy and tired. Brock allowed him arrange him how he felt comfortable, pulling his friend close chest to chest with Bucky tucking his face away into the crook of Rumlow’s neck where he could constantly breathe him in. Bucky pressed his palm over Rumlow’s heart feeling the beat of it and Brock draped his arm around so his fingers stroked down his spine carefully. 

“ _Pacha_.”

Half in a groggy daze, Jack moved over with Brock’s hand grasping the sleeve of his white t-shirt to pull him in faster, assuring both of them were pressed in to encase Bucky. Rollins peered towards his best friend over Bucky’s shoulder, pressing his hand where Brock’s sat on his bicep after pulling him in, his fingers lightly giving Rumlow’s a pat as he settled back in. He was falling back asleep again when he felt Brock’s hand move so that it was loosely holding Rollins’ own and he smiled lightly, squeezing it back knowing they all still had a long road ahead of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Destul - stop  
> Kocham cie, sloneczko - I love you, sunshine


	21. Fuck my life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When things begin to add up and catch up, sometimes they leave more questions than answers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Chapter 21.pic/gif](http://kalika999.tumblr.com/post/152454987530/hunger-of-the-pine-chapter-21-when-things)
> 
> Warnings:  
> \- Invasion of privacy. (Is that a warning?)  
> \- George Barnes. (lol lord help me.)  
> \- Homophobic slurs  
> \- Fighting/blood/dislocation of a shoulder  
> \- Winterstorm - Blindfolds, face fucking, cum eating; you know, the normal stuff. (Should I even be warning people, they’re like the energizer bunny c’mon now.)

**Early December, 2015**  
  
  


Steve slowly let his head tilt from one side to another, his pencil moving across the paper to the sounds of his favorite Ella Fitzgerald song. Cautious, bewitching eyes stared at him in shades of grey. Jaw set, gentle plush lips forming a soft frown. His nose almost button-like, sharp chiseled jaw and that cleft Steve adored.

“Why do I look so down?”

Knee bouncing in surprise, Steve’s pencil jarred out of his hand and fell onto the floor looking up with a gasp almost bumping his face into Bucky’s who only leaned over to look closer. 

“Oh, hey. I didn’t hear you sneaking up on me.”

Bucky smirked, “That would be the aim when you’re sneaking up on someone.”

Rolling his eyes, Steve closed the sketchbook restarting the song with a look of determination on his face. He watched Bucky straighten up when he caught it, curiosity crossing his features. He moved around the couch putting his hands out, palms pointed up towards the ceiling, ducking his head a little with uncertainty silently asking with soft baby blues. 

Bucky smiled moving forward to rest hands over the ones awaiting him and Steve pulled him in, fingers entwined and pressed chest to chest. He couldn’t help the small smile against his face when he heard Bucky’s breath hitch, pressing the side of his head just barely against his friend’s. He dropped his left hand away to tuck it behind the small of Bucky’s back, resting their held hands against his shoulder coaxing him to move at his lead. 

Steve could feel Bucky’s hand roaming along his lower back moving up leisurely like he was feeling each and every muscle hidden beneath his shirt. He tried his best to hold in a groan feeling Bucky’s smaller frame curling himself in as he rested the side of his head against Steve’s shoulder while they danced lazily in a small intimate circle that they shared with no one else. 

He wasn’t scared like this, he didn’t feel open or vulnerable. He felt _right_ , his fingers pressed against the supple touch of Bucky’s t-shirt, resting there gently lost in the music floating around them. He breathed out to nimble fingers drawing absent patterns against his own back, he could feel the beat of his heart picking up, unable to stop the heat building within him, his nose nuzzling into Bucky’s baby soft hair and catching a subtle moan. 

It wasn’t until Bucky pressed closer, breath ghosting along his ear did Steve feel like something had shifted, the brush of Bucky’s nose tracing out the shell of his ear and that heat rose inside of him needing some sort of outlet. Steve wanted to say something, maybe warn him but nothing came to his mind, blank and fizzled out. He was cut off by a tilt of Bucky’s head, the closeness of his face, fingers gripping tight to his shirt. 

Steve tried again, tried his damnedest and it was entirely over when he was cut off by Bucky’s sudden kiss, gentle and warm and something so very sweet to it. His lips were as soft as they looked, careful and precious as eyes gauged him for reaction. Steve fell into it, if only for a second before he drew back and heard a dissatisfied whine escape from the brunette, moving his head forward for another but Steve teasingly avoided it.

Instead he crowded Bucky against the wall by the door watching him press along it in surprise and Steve stole his kiss back, holding onto slim hips and deepening their kiss with his tongue and swallowing down Bucky’s moans, hands skirting to the back of muscular thighs and pushing them up. He could feel Bucky getting with the program instantly, legs tightening around his waist and Steve pinned him painfully against the surface grinding his hips in listening to a breathy whine pushing against his mouth. 

Steve abruptly snapped his eyes open, spying the empty bed and his face painfully pushed into the pillow catching himself slowly rutting into the mattress. 

“Shit. Shit shit shit.” He scrambled to push himself up, legs tangled in the sheets as he tried to stand, tripping over them and crashing hard on his ass onto the floor. 

Steve laid there on his back staring at the ceiling just a few minutes before his phone alarm began going off..on the other side of his bed. He drew in a low breath, sighing softly as he tried to regulate his breathing and ignore what was happening in his pants, fingers pressed across the wood. 

“Fuck my life.”

 

“So, you look like crap.”

Steve paused, the edge of his mug pressed at his bottom lip, glaring a little over the froth of his cappuccino at Sam who was looking at him with a smile before he actually took a careful sip not sure how hot his drink still was.

His friend lounged back against the plush couch they sat on holed up in a cozy little coffee shop at the street corner by the park they always went to. Light rain drizzled along the glass, the sky blanketed with thick grey clouds and they were both glad to get out of that for a little while.

Steve gave his shoulder a small shrug, “I just haven’t been sleeping well the past couple of days that’s all.”

“Anything I can help with?” Sam piped up, pulling out his therapist voice as he rested his own mug on his thigh and turned his body a little more to face him.

All Steve could do was shake his head, a light hue of red dusting his cheeks.

“Hey you know you can talk to me about anything right Steve? If it’s about your ma or anything like that I- ”

Steve abruptly lifted up a hand to stop him, “No, it definitely isn’t about ma. It’s more complicated than just having a bad dream about her. I wish it was just that even though I don’t want them at least I can work through those in a way. I have tools, this though is kind of something I don’t really know what to do about.”

He glanced out the window, tapping his fingers along the material of the couch. He strayed down the road, namely the one that had a row of neat little brownstones, one of which had one that was owned by Natasha. Bucky hadn’t been out at the park like he was hoping and he _had_ been hoping. It wasn’t like Bucky was avoiding him, he was just trying to keep busy and Steve got that it was just that seeing Bucky was something he had gotten used to so fast and just as quickly it was changed again. He couldn’t help missing him a lot. At least he would see him later today at least, that was a plus.

Sam followed his gaze as he carefully sipped at his coffee, lost in thoughts over assessing the situation before he lightly poked his friend at the side, “Spill it.”

“Let’s just say,” He drew in a small breath, “I think cold showers are a great new addition to my life now.”

They both looked at each other in all seriousness before Sam pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed, “Are you seriously telling me you’re having wet dreams now about Bucky?”

“Okay coming from your mouth that sounds really bad.” He whined out, wringing his hands.

Sam set his mug down on the table, taking a second, “It’s not awful, it’s natural to have those kind of dreams about him but..aren’t you usually dreaming about..you know. Tony covered in grease and his big wrench or something?”

Steve frowned at Sam’s attempt to keep a straight face, lightly hitting his arm, “This isn’t funny.”

“Okay, okay I’m sorry.” 

Which meant Sam was not sorry.

Rolling his eyes, Steve groaned loudly, “To answer your question, yeah. That’s usually what I’m dreaming about but the last couple of days have been really Bucky heavy and..I guess I should be glad he’s giving the space thing a try. Obviously I’m not adult enough to be around him like a normal human being.”

Sam watched Steve ruffle a hand through his hair as he made a few faces at himself, carefully watching him over his mug before he took a sip. “Hey, you gotta quit that. I don’t want to get all health class circa high school on you brother but your body does what it wants, can’t control it.”

“I know Sam, I know. We’re meeting up later at the gym because he’s coming with Brock and Jack, he mentioned something about Clint showing up. I just hope I don’t blurt anything out or something embarrassing.”

“What are we, this sounds like we’re really back in high school.”

“It wasn’t that long ago.”

Sam couldn’t argue with that come back, nodding while drumming his fingers against the back of the couch, “I think you’re overthinking it as you do at times and since we’re on the subject of loose lips, please don’t drink too much at the party or else you’ll definitely act a fool then.”

Pointing at him, Steve had been reaching for his mug but stopped, “Oh! That’s another thing. He invited that guy Mike? His date when we went to Coney Island and the Farmers Market. They’re still talking so he invited him to the party.”

“So what?” Sam was keeping the guise of wearing his neutral therapist face as he crossed his legs and watched him casually and Steve rolled his eyes at him.

The thing was, he had a point.

“I don’t know. I have no point I guess.”

“That you want to talk about now that you’re seeing how I’m looking at you and let me say again please don’t get drunk, you tend to get a little stupid and reckless.”

Trying to hold back a look of irritation, Steve shook his head, “I _do not_.” 

“Stubborn ass is what you are. Don’t be starting something and trying to offhandedly scare away the poor librarian he doesn’t need to deal with you.”

He disliked Sam right now, like really disliked him assuming he was like that, it was pretty rude and yet he was completely right that he might do something like that. 

“Okay so I wasn’t actively thinking about doing anything- ”

Sam pointed a finger back at him, “Steve.”

“ -I just wanted to meet the guy.”

“I mean it Steve, I’ll sic Romanoff on you.”

“You two are the _worst_ together.” 

Sam sipped at his coffee, watching Steve over the cup again thoughtfully, “I love you too.”

 

Jack slept down the center of the mattress on his back completely oblivious to Brock’s arrival, sheets of deep indigo blue, a pillow supported his head as one thick sheet wrapped around lower body, one leg bent and dog tags reflecting off his bare chest. 

Brock smirked, turning to the kitchen to rummage through his fridge and retrieve a single serve bottle of orange juice. He strolled over, dropping his boxing gear at the side of the bed, hopping onto the mattress unceremoniously with his back against the refurbished brick wall. Rollins groaned slightly, squeezing his already closed eyes tighter, "I didn't give you a key to wake me up."

Brock propped his feet up, "Shouldn't have given me a key then Fucker."

He popped open the juice, taking a sip while Rollins' face curled up into a look of disapproval, turning over in Rumlow's direction with one eye glaring at him.

"Drinking my last orange juice?"

"Shouldn't have given me a key."

"Fuck you." He groaned out, rolling to his side with his back to Brock, tugging the pillow over his head.

"Wake up lazy ass, you told me you were coming to work with me."

"Go away."

Brock's eyes narrowed, turning to look at his friend's bare back, sheets barely tangled around the man's waist. He pressed the cold bottle against Jack's peeking buttcrack, barely holding in a burst of laughter when his friend jolted from the spot, vaulting forward and off the bed with a loud thud.

A low annoyed sound escaped Rollins, pulling himself up slowly to stand on his feet, completely naked and not giving two fucks, “You're a prick."

Brock grinned wide, raising his brows and shrugging, "What's new?"

Jack flipped him the finger, Brock staring at the annoyed expressed across Rollins’ face as he sauntered around the bed and into his bathroom, turning his shower on though he decided to take a piss while it warmed up leaving the door wide open.

“Why are you even fuckin’ naked right now, weren’t you fully clothed when we left?”

“S’too hot.” He yelled back over the echo of the shower.

Jack came back out with a towel around his torso, water still sitting in droplets along his back and shoulders. He yawn again, rifling through his drawers for clothing, Brock still leaning up against the wall sitting in his bed flipping through a car magazine.

"Hurry the fuck up Princess we ain't got all day."

Jack rolled his eyes, dropping his towel to slide on a pair of dark green boxers, “You could go, I- ”

Bucky walked in, a choked scream tearing out of him as he turned his head away towards the kitchen, juggling the coffee tray in his hands, “Holy shit Rollins, watch where you point your ass, seriously what the hell?!”

Brock smirked, going back to the magazine, Bucky look up at the ceiling blindly moving to put the paper bag he was holding on the counter, “Why do you two do this to me?"

Jack tugged on a pair of long shorts after his underwear, glancing towards the kitchen, “Not like it’s anything new.”

“Please, humor me when I say I don’t wanna see your ass, you’re like my brother, I don’t wanna see my brothers ass. Evidently _Brock_ is all fine with you prancing around butt naked but I don’t want to see it even though you do have a nice butt.”

“Thank you.”

“Hey, I’ve seen him naked since he was three it’s not a big deal.”

“Cute, I love that you keep tabs on when you started checking him out.”

“Fuck off.”

Jack fought to hold back his laughter, musing to himself as he pulled on a t-shirt and a hoodie, turning by the side of the bed to grab his gym bag, “Let’s get going.” 

 

Entering the gym, Steve was already there doing stretches and Bucky sighed, looking at himself in shorts and a tank top covered by a zip up, falling into Rollins, “I don’t wanna do this. I’m gonna die." 

He got a gentle pat on the back and the kiss on the head, “See you later.”

Bucky glared when Brock snorted at him, looking towards Steve the pair of them catching looks before him and Rollins strolled to the ring at the back. He was still making faces when he walked towards Steve, dropping his bag to the side.

“Hey Buck.”

“I hate you right now.”

Steve only grinned, watched Bucky take his zip up off, tossing it on top of his bag, “I’ll go easy on you, trust me. We won’t even do big weights but you gotta stretch first.”

Bucky refused to stop complaining, finally moving to the treadmills when Steve suggested it. He set Bucky’s at a slow casual pace, “It’s that easy, we can do this for a little bit then switch to something else. There’s lots of things to try that you could check out.”

“Where’s Sam, he’s fun.”

“Had to go do some things, he said hi though.”

“I could be walking around New York buying desserts.”

“And that’s why you should start working out.”

Steve only received a death glare and he was okay with that, smiling back as he watched Bucky watch the news for a little bit in silence as he set his usual jogging pace on his own machine.

It wasn’t until a couple minutes later that although Bucky’s machine was running and he was using it, his focus wasn’t on the television anymore, instead giving Steve an awkward look. He gave him a side glance, running on and trying not to get distracted. Bucky only went on staring and Steve snorted a little, “What? Something on my face?”

“No,” Bucky said with a hint of amusement, turning his head away, “Just didn’t realize your tits were so bouncy. I mean I knew they were a little, but they _really_ got some bounce to ‘em. Think I’m gonna call you Sugartits now.”

Steve sputtered a little on his saliva, coughing over the panel before him, pressing his hands down to grip the bars, “ _Bucky_!” 

Bucky smiled politely, “What? I think it’s a fitting name.” 

Steve shot him a glare and went back to his work out, albeit with his arms crossed over his chest and Bucky tried to refrain was laughing at him.

“I dunno why you’re hiding it now, haven’t you been running free for years?”

“Shut up.”

He did, for a little while.

“I cant do this anymore, I think I’m having a heart attack.” Bucky moved his feet to hold himself up at the sides where the track wasn’t moving to check his pulse.

Steve gave him a deadpanned look, “Bucky, its been ten minutes.”

“Rogers, I’m getting sweat in places I don’t want sweat. It’s insanely uncomfortable and it’s way too hot in this room. I’m rich I don’t have to deal with this.”

Steve was trying his best, he was but even a whiny Bucky was cute and way too easily forgivable especially with the huffy look he was wearing complete with over dramatic eyes and blotchy cheeks.

“Is it lunch time?”

“Jesus Buck,” He kept his pace as he gestured to the many other unmanned machines in the room, “If you don’t like the treadmill how about you try something new for a change huh? Try stuff out for an hour and see if there’s anything you like. You got that thing with Clint outside soon right?”

Bucky nodded and gave in, he had to kill some time for Clint to show up anyway and it was either Steve or boxing with Brock and Jack, he was okay with that usually but he kinda liked watching Steve and his pretty hot set of tits so he chose to stick around. 

He milled around a few stations, watched a few people curiously, finally settling at one where he could sit his ass down again and use his arms.

“Hey you’re new here, aren't you?"

Bucky huffed, trying to get the hang of the hoist, or whatever it was called..though he was pretty sure that was also the name of some leather & fetish bar in England. Fun times. He shrugged that thought off trying to not look like a total moron except he was outed almost instantly by someone using the machine next to him and pointing out he was using way too many weights and holding it the wrong way in an attempt to try to be helpful. He slowly released the grips as he let the weights fall back with a loud clanging sound, glancing up at a muscular brunette standing next to him now while adjusting some fingerless gloves. 

The second Steve heard the loud noise he knew it was Bucky. He turned his head and saw some guy checking him out and immediately he was on guard. He picked up one of the towels off the shelves at the side, wiping the sweat off face as he watched carefully. Bucky stood up and did his own version of checking the guy out, flapping a hand at the machine and shrugging, his features suddenly a little extra on the helpless victim side. His brows tilted up in a childlike manner chewing at his lip like he had no idea what to do.

“Oh geez,” He rolled his eyes. He wanted one time where Bucky wasn’t trying to pick up someone or the other way around when he just wanted him to try something new. Maybe he was a little jealous too. Barely. He had seen that guy around a little bit, flirting with everyone. He had even flirted with Steve once, making his way off his own machine to help him with adding some weights to his bar and casually chatting with him. The moment Tony came up the guy was out of there with no looking back.

The words came out of his mouth before he really had time to process, “Hey Buck! Come over here, I wanna show you something."

“Yeah yeah, hold on Steve.” Bucky let out, not even looking in his direction. Instead he was leaning against the side of the apparatus while the other guy was stooping to change the weights for him and Bucky enjoyed the sights before the guy got up Bucky’s coy smirk switching back to adorable innocence.

Okay, he was a smidgen more than a little jealous.

“Bucky!”

“Jesus Christ,” Bucky didn’t know what had gotten into Steve, bulging his eyes out expressively at him before he glanced at the guy standing before him with a raised hand, "Hold on."

The male looked over in Steve’s direction only to have his expression change to a look of embarrassment, "Hey I’m sorry, I didn't mean to get in between you and your boyfriend.” 

Bucky rolled his eyes, “He's not my boyfriend, he's my very annoying best friend.” 

“Bucky!"

"God.." He huffed out.

Stomping towards Steve, Bucky held out his hands, "What? What do you want? Is it time to cockblock Bucky because that's what you're doing Steve. You're blocking my dick from getting some. Did I embarrass you painfully or hurt you in another life or something, that guy’s pretty hot and you’re wrecking it."

Steve frowned at him, glaring past Bucky to the offender watching him try to casually watch the encounter, his face red, "Did you come to work out or pick up guys?"

"Let me remind you that you're the one that said I should come work out with you when you knew I was going to be here even though I clearly didn’t want to If someone wants to flirt with me or ask for my number here, it’s your fault completely." 

Bucky swore Steve frowned even harder at him, assuming that this was all about some gym etiquette where he shouldn’t be getting or giving phone numbers while working out. He wasn't really sure. 

"Anyway what did you want to show me?"

Steve pointed out the schedule sheet on the empty service counter, "You should check out the all round classes they have here, it may be up your alley. They focus on cardio and resistance, should keep you busy."

Bucky looked over at him, "Are you calling me fat?"

Steve grinned, wrapping his arm around Bucky's shoulder, giving him a gentle shake, "No, of course not. Okay if that’s not what you’re interested in what about these swim classes then? Just wanted you to try stuff I was doing, but then again you’re more of a natural in the water."

His eyes glanced over the sheet and smiled softly, "Sure, let's look at this." 

Bucky ducked his head down to focus on reading while Steve took the chance to look over and find the guy still waiting around for Bucky by the abandoned machine. Their eyes met and Steve couldn't help it, giving his brow a raise like he was challenging the guy, who he liked to mentally remind himself to avoid guilt, that the man had been flirting with half the place the last few times Steve worked out here, his blues narrowing slightly to make his message clear with his arm still around Bucky’s shoulders. He was happy when the guy swallowed nervously, obviously not wanting to get in the middle of something, watching him step backwards to turn down the corridor and leave the area, Steve playfully ruffling Bucky's hair. 

"Hey what I say about my hair, don't mess it up and it’s gross and sweaty anyway." 

"Because my face wasn’t in it when you were skipping showers while sick." 

Bucky stood upright, smirking with a shrug, “That’s different.”

He looked around for the other guy turning back to Steve in confusion, “Guess he left. Anyway, I’m pretty sure those swim classes are for women. Sorry Steve, you can’t convert me unless you wanna get me into bed to sweat, Sugartits.” 

Furiously blushing, Steve only gaped at him and Bucky wiggled his brows with a laugh, “I’m gonna go change, Clint should be here soon to do that after school kids YMCA thing he signed up for, I need a shower. Wanna do something after?”

Quickly trying to recover, Steve nodded, fearing the strain in his throat would reveal itself if he spoke. Bucky took no notice, Steve watching him wave over his shoulder and head to the showers.

 

Changed and stepping out of the change rooms, Bucky took a few seconds to watch Jack and Brock doling it out in the ring, a small crowd of students standing around just outside the ropes while Brock was talking and then demonstrating with Jack, going into a series of punches and nailing Rollins in the face when he didn’t block and everyone collectively laughed, even Rollins, shaking his head a little.

He turned back to where Steve was working out and he immediately regret it, watching him hanging from one of the pull-up bars with just his right arm, knees tucked up a little, his left tucked behind his back. Someone was standing beside him watching him impassively, just close enough to help should anything wrong happen and saying something as he nodded his head like he was encouraging him. Bucky was rooted to the ground watching Steve pull himself up just until his chin reached over the bar pausing a brief controlled second before he let himself down again slowly, a trickle of sweat rolling down and off his chin. Repeating it in reps as sweat dripped over the thick, bulging muscle of his bicep, soaking his shirt and making his darkened dirty blond hair stick to his face. It was absolutely obscene and all Bucky wanted to do was sin. 

He snapped his eyes away when he heard loud giggles nearby, a group of girls watching Steve as they stood around at the juice bar and he quickly scrubbed a hand over his face, giving his head a shake and taking his leave to the back not wanting to get caught gaping like an idiot. 

Outside Bucky perched himself on the wooden fencing that encircled the archery range to keep people from accidentally running into the area and threw another chocolate covered almond into the air he smuggled out from his pocket. He tossed his head back to catch it with his mouth, a flash of triumph over his face before he chewed away at it returning his gaze to Clint aiming his bow and arrow at a bullseye nailed into a tree his instructional already a few minutes in with a row of kids holding their own bows and arrows.

"Quit doing that."

Bucky watched veins protrude from taut sinewy arms, bowstring pulled tight. He raised his brows innocently, "Doing what, exactly?"

Clint released, both watching the arrow hit the center of the mark, "Throwing candy in the air while I'm shooting, it's distracting."

Bucky rolled his eyes, throwing another chocolate up catching it effortlessly with his mouth, "You shouldn't get distracted though, that's your fault not mine. Shouldn’t have forgotten your shades."

Clint gave him a glare, holding out his bow, "Your turn."

A gaggle of laughter filled the air, Bucky trying to hold back a smirk, "And that's why you don't let things distract you because then you end up sounding like a giant grump." 

The kids rippled with laughter again and Bucky held out his bag of chocolates to the nearest child, stooping to bend down and pick up a black case and set it down on a side table. 

Clint rolled his eyes, "Oh look, Mr. Fancy has to put his bow together so let's get our bows ready and take some practice shots."

"I'll make it worth your while guys and girls, I'll shoot anything _that's allowed_ by Clint. I'm much better than him, you can all distract me and I still won't miss."

The children cheered, readying themselves and all lining up in a sparse row before stacks of hay with picture bullseyes on them.

Steve strolled outside when he was showered and changed catching Bucky shoot another apple Clint tossed into the air, kid's watching it explode into a mess of pieces and cheering loudly. Clint playfully elbowed him with a laugh and Bucky only shrugged with a grin gesturing for him to throw it out farther for him.

He turned his head when he felt himself being watched giving Steve a wave, his expression going curious, "Finished your work out?”

Half the kids turned their heads to look behind them, some already looking at him before the conversation.

Steve nodded, “Yep, showered and changed if you wanna head out to eat."

"Oooo is this your _boyfriend_ , Bucky? He’s so handsome!"

The abrupt laughter that fell out of Clint caused him to miss the target entirely, hitting a tree branch to the far side of a tree next to it.

"Look Clint missed! He missed!"

"He only missed because he was laughing at Jenny yelling about Bucky's _boyfriend_."

"I saw his boyfriend before any of you, he was looking totally looking at Bucky's butt."

Bucky barked out a laugh hand pressing against his stomach and then they were all laughing, including Clint who was completely red faced, with only Steve left to blush a deep shade of crimson. 

“Sorry kiddos but he’s just a friend of mine.”

He couldn’t help smiling at a few gentle aw’s in the crowd, dismantling his bow, “But I have to go, it was nice meeting you all.”

“Will you come back if we come back?”

Closing the hard black case, tapping Clint to show where he placed it, he turned back and thought about it with a nod, “Sure, if you guys have a program book and Clint’s the teacher, I’ll try my best to say hi. That work?”

That all nodded and agreed, one tiny girl stepping forward to shake his hand and Bucky shook it back enthusiastically, “Bye Bucky.”

“Bye Jennifer, see you next time huh?’

She nodded with a big smile, Bucky and Steve taking their exit.

“Bye Bucky’s boyfriend!”

Steve froze midstep, laughing at the same time Bucky did, especially as Clint started laughing again. He turned and waved to the kids, maybe walking a little bit faster back into the building. 

Bucky grinned, watching him, “Getting embarrassed by a bunch of ten year old's, calm down.”

Steve couldn’t say anything, shaking his head as he searched for his bike keys instead.

 

“ _That’s_ him?”

Bucky smiled when Mike gave him a wave by the doorway, awkwardly standing by himself while the party was going on inside the large home. Bucky playfully poked Brock in the ribs while they were still out of earshot, “Be nice.”

Brock finished off his cigarette, exhaling a cloud of smoke as he flicked the end onto the driveway, grinding the toe of his boot over it. “He looks like a nerd.”

Trying really hard to suppress a snort, Bucky sighed loudly as he hooked his arm around Brock’s, “You call me a nerd too remember? Besides, I figured I would meet up with him here, see how things go, you know?”

The male made a disgruntled noise, “You ain’t gonna be around him the second you see Rogers, I promise ya Kid.” 

“Not true.” Bucky mumbled, pouting softly knowing he was mostly right.

“Yeah. Better not, I don’t wanna be babysittin’ tonight. He better watch his hands.”

Bucky refrained from making any comment, putting his hands out a little for Mike and they gave each other a quick hug before he introduced Jack and Brock to him and vice versa. 

“Good to see you again.” His face flushed in the cool air, breath fogging out.

Smiling wide, Bucky nodded to him, “You too Mike.”

Turning to go inside, Brock eyed Mike’s hand hovering at the small of Bucky’s back but not touching as they made their way around people standing about just at the entrance, a thin line of a frown reaching his features, “This one better watch his hands too.”

Jack quietly pinched his arm not that it stopped Brock, his hand slapping back at Rollins, “Gonna go look for some friends, if he gives you any trouble give me a shout.”

Mike only paused with a look of unease as Bucky laughed at the sight of Jack immediately rolling his eyes. 

“I’m gonna need a shot of vodka if you’re out to make more of an ass of yourself Brock, I’m sure Bucky can handle everything, stop terrorizing the new guy.” 

Bucky had to lightly nudge Mike out of his stupor, leaning close to his ear and steering him away _especially_ when Brock smiled because he was sure that all teeth and no sweetness, “He’s joking, really. Don’t worry about it.”

Steve had been sitting in a seat at the custom made bar that was at the side of the room scribbling on a napkin quietly when he raised his head to the sound of Brock’s voice. His hand immediately crushed up the drawing and held it in his fist as he looked up finding him and Jack going one way and Bucky with someone else going another whom he assumed was Mike.

Mike grinned finally, getting accustomed to the music as he tried to forget about figuring out Brock, “Well, that was like meeting your parents but worse I think, and since that’s over would you like something to drink?”

Bucky nodded, looking around the room, “Sure, I’ll take a beer.”

Waiting until Mike looked like he was one the move, evidently in his direction, Steve took the window of opportunity to say hi without intruding on anything private. He tossed the scrap of napkin away somewhere by the trash grabbing two red cups of beer from the keg someone was helpfully doling out and headed to Bucky almost bumping into Mike in the process.

“Oh, hey sorry.”

Mike raised his hands, shaking his head, “No, it was my fault too. I don’t know my way around and wasn’t looking, sorry about that.”

Flashing him an absent grin Steve nodded and made his way to Bucky, Mike watching curiously before turning towards the bar, then back to the pair of them with a perplexed look, before he shook his head picking up the piece of trash Steve seemed to miss throwing.

Bucky caught Steve approaching, holding one of the cups out, “Hey! Saw you didn’t have one so I took the liberty.”

A soft blush reached Bucky’s cheeks taking it because he could never say no to those adorable blues, “Thanks.”

He bit his lip and smiled at him, taking a drink. Bucky couldn’t help feeling like one of those teenagers in movies that see their crush and internally scream about it because they couldn’t English anymore even though this was Steve and he should know better.

“So when did you get here?” 

Steve took a sip and glanced at his watch with a shrug, “Maybe about twenty minutes ago. Heard Brock so I knew you were around somewhere and figured I would say hi.”

Bucky couldn’t help the feeling of overwhelming shyness come over him. He honestly had no idea what was happening, teething biting into the lip of his cup as he drank the rest of his beer trying to chase off the sensation. 

“Well hi to you.” He mumbled quietly behind the cup.

Steve didn’t stop looking at him, smiling like he was hiding some dumb secret away and Bucky only tilted his head in curiosity.

“Spill it Stevie.”

A wide grin broke out of him, “I was just thinking it was nice that- ”

“Bucky!”

Bucky raised his head and turned, feeling a body engulf him from behind with arms wrapping tight around his chest and locking him in. He looked over to the side at Johnny rubbing his face into his neck.

“Jo! Let go!”

Johnny did as he was told, leaning in to kiss him but Bucky pushed him back, shaking his head with a playful look and a little smile. A grin spread across Storm’s face and he tapped his nose, giving him a wink. Mike waded back around party goers with two beers, looking confused when Bucky was already holding a cup.

“Oh sorry, that was me. I didn’t know you were bringing him a drink.”

Mike opened his mouth to answer Steve and Johnny interjected by waving at him, putting his hand out again.

“Good to see you again Mikey!”

Bucky didn’t fail to see the way he was looking from Steve to Johnny side by side and wondering if he was missing something important. Taking his drink and watching Mike finally say hi to Johnny again. 

Bucky gestured to Steve, “Mike, this is Steve. The artist friend I was talking about during our dinner.”

Surprise crossed Steve’s face, looking from Bucky to Mike as he held his hand out, “Hey, nice to finally meet you. Bucky’s said a lot of great things about you.”

Grinning at him, Mike nodded eagerly, “Yeah likewise. He was excited to show me some of your work and I’m glad he did you have some really amazing pieces.”

Bucky also didn’t miss the sly way Johnny was looking at the two of them like he had something fixated in his head and if Johnny singsonging about Steve was anything to go by, he was sure his friend was definitely amusing himself about how mildly weird this was. Bucky chugged down his second beer rather quickly, if he was going to deal with this foursome and Brock because he was very sure Brock would be watching from somewhere because Steve was here, then he definitely needed the alcohol.

Except, he abruptly realized Johnny had some bruising around his eye. He took his arm, excusing himself and Johnny from the other two and moving them by the hall, “What the hell happened to you?”

“This? Oh just a little scuffle last night. Your friend at the coffee shop a while ago, bumped into him at Trisk. Completely thought I did it on purpose. I was saying sorry but I think he had a few drinks and just jumped me, I dunno. Bouncers got him before anything really happened, just a little bit of a black eye and a sore cheek. Doesn’t hurt it's alright."

Bucky shook his head, reaching a hand to softly tilt Johnny’s head at an angle to see clenching his jaw, "Next time I see him, I'm gonna kick his ass."

Johnny waved him off, "He's probably just trying to get your attention, forget about it. It was nothing."

"It's not fucking nothing Johnny. He hit you, no one fucks with my friends, even if a lot of what we do is private, you're still my friend Jo."

Rolling his eyes, Johnny pulled Bucky in, draping his arms around his neck, "If you wanna make me feel better there's funner ways to do that then going after some guy to kick his ass. You're not a barbarian, it would waste precious sex time."

Bucky groaned, wiggling out of the hold, "Go dance or something, I'm going to get something stronger to drink."

"Want me to join you? Think there’s a bathroom over there too."

A laugh slipped out, "No, I'll make it up to you later. When I have less people to keep an eye on."

Johnny tilted his head towards Steve holding his phone up and showing Mike some other pieces of work, “They look like they’re getting along though.”

“Brock’s around, swimming around here like a shark. He’s already probably drinking and he loathes Steve talking to me.”

“That’s because he’s totally your overprotective dad.”

“No, you don’t understand. I’m pretty sure he’s going to drop kick him anytime now. I kind of told him I have feelings for him and he kind of didn’t take it well.”

Johnny smiled at him giving him a squeeze, “You know he just doesn’t want you getting hurt again.”

“ _You_ don’t think I’m getting hurt.” 

“That’s because I’m on team Stucky, he’s totally into you man.”

“What the fuck is a Stucky?”

“It’s Steve and Bucky put together.” Johnny waved a hand across the air like a rainbow in between the both of them, “It’s what the world would call you two.” 

Bucky scrunched his face a little, “Sounds like what would happen if I didn’t use enough lube on you.”

Holding back a laugh he gave Bucky a good once over, giving him a wink, "I’ll be dancing, maybe find me later?"

“Yeah, later on.”

He found Loki by the stage talking to another DJ and he waited a couple minutes before pulling him aside, "I need you to find me some info."

His friend’s green eyes lit up immediately, hands pressing together, "Anything for you Love, what do you need?"

Bucky ran over Jason's details as far as he knew and the run ins he's had with him, "And I know you don't much like Johnny but the guy jumped him last night inside Triskelion, nothing happened but you know Jo enough to know he doesn't pick fights. This guy's been asking me out and stuff and now this. I'm going to kick his ass once and for all and tell him to leave me alone. It was okay when it was just me he was talking to but not when he involves people I know."

A gleeful smirk spread across Loki's face, "You're making my heart race talking like that, I wish he had the insight to pick a fight with me, I would love to see you all fired up on my behalf, James."

He snorted, "I did once remember? The guy in Greenwich that clearly thought he could manhandle you like you were some fragile flower? He was so sure you came alone too, funny how wrong he was about that."

Loki's face soured, "Ugh, don't remind me about that night except the part where you became my knight in shining armor. That party was so awful, everyone was so mundane and trite then that disgusting college frat whatever he was. Wasn't laughing when I grabbed him by his precious gems though, was he?"

"Oh God he definitely wasn't." Bucky laughed out, "And then I kicked his ass and we came back to Manhattan and partied out there. I had fun."

Loki leaned in, planting a kiss on Bucky's cheek, "I'll see what I can do for you Darling, give me a day or two to gather everything together."

"Did I tell you lately you were beautiful?"

Loki turned to go but looked over his shoulder with a coy smile, "Not as of late but you can always flatter me with compliments."

A slow burn of a smile spread across Bucky's lips, eyeing him, "I could spend the whole night getting to know your body."

Loki turned around to face him again, a soft laugh escaping him as a slender hand rested against Bucky’s shoulder, "Oh James, you _are_ the devil. I see it now so very clearly with your beautiful eyes, your body and how that look of innocence both from your eyes and across your face gets you everything you want in life. You've mastered that so well I almost believed you."

Bucky burst out in laughter, giving his friend a playful wink, "Just keep that between us Loke. Text me when you got something."

He nodded with a mischievous smile, "I will."

 

Johnny strolled over, face flushed red and smiling coyly at Mike with a wiggle of brows, “Hey Mikey, wanna dance..if Bucky doesn’t mind?”

Lost in the bassy build up of the music teasing everyone, Bucky’s head went along to the beat until he shook his head gesturing to the crowd with his glass in hand. He had no idea how much time was lost but he was getting a little over the buzzed line which only meant he was kind of interested in dancing himself, “If you wanna go Mike, by all means. Don’t let me stop you.”

All Mike could do was get out a nod and a grin before he was being dragged into the crowd by Johnny and Bucky could only laugh watch them helplessly with a shake of his head, taking another sip. 

His eyes caught Steve’s across the room talking to some people and Bucky couldn’t help his bottom lip disappearing between teeth as he gave him a playful look and tilted his head to beckon him over. He received a smile back, Bucky watching him finish off the beer in his red cup before slapping his friend in the back and saying something before he threw his cup in a nearby trash fast approaching him.

Standing before him looking a little warm and way too gorgeous, the buttons were already undone on Steve’s red Henley and if Bucky didn’t stop himself he was going to find his hand slipping in that space to explore the expanse of Steve’s chest. 

“Hey.”

Grinning outright, Bucky reached out and ran the pad of his thumb across Steve’s upper lip swiping at the mist of sweat collecting there that had been glinting a little in the lights, “Hey back. Is it too hot for you?”

Steve’s head was going with the music but his body was sitting still for now, giving him a shrug, “A little bit, doesn’t help when I drink too you know?”

He nodded to him, leaning his shoulders more against the wall and it seemed to only invite Steve into his personal space not that Bucky minded watching a palm press against the wall by his head.

“Buck, dance with me.”

Bucky didn’t even try to play shy, straightening up as he fondly studied Steve’s mildly drunken state, not that he could really say much in comparison. He set his glass to the side, a hand taking his and let himself be led through the bodies. He looked around to any familiar faces only snapping back to look to the man in front of him when Steve pressed his hands against Bucky’s hips, index fingers slipping in and hooking to belt loops, pulling him in closer. Bucky followed him in like he always did, sliding his hands along shoulders while he felt a tingle roam through his entire body and taking in the feel of Steve’s palms curving across his ribs. 

Steve could feel his own body move in a cumbersome drunk way, the alcohol making him feel weird and dizzy. Bucky mouthed his name but he couldn’t answer and all he did was feel like he was drowning in the sand, his fingers digging through the fabric of the shirt and it made Bucky look startled for a second. Warm sweaty bodies around them made things worse, Bucky wrapping his arms around his neck with a smile so sweet he knew it was a cover usually especially with lips so full and plush, but here right now he felt like it was all genuine just for him. Steve pulled Bucky close and watched him go with it feeling long perfect fingers lace into his dirty blond hair and Steve felt a rush, glassy eyed and giddy. 

He brought his forehead against Bucky’s, feeling out the way the brunette’s body moved to the music enjoying the way his hands mapped every shift and sway of hips. Bucky cupped his cheek and Steve couldn’t help but lean into it, lips brushing skin fondly and it was all Bucky, it was all he could do when he was offered anything from him. He desperately took anything he was given like he was parched for him playing a dangerous game and dancing to their own music just like the way it was in his dream. 

They only broke apart after a few songs with Johnny laughing about something and Thor calling out for Steve, Bucky knowing it was probably his cue to entertain Mike again which was honestly fine, he definitely needed a distraction. 

“Wanna sit by the front?”

Bucky raised his head, trying to lose the warmth across his cheeks, nodded to him as they both moved that way. At the side of the stairway by the door they sat on an ottoman bench and Bucky sighed, leaning back against the wall, “It’s cool out here, stuffy in the other room with the music and nice to get off my feet. How’d you fair with Johnny?”

Mike said nothing only smiling at him patiently, almost sweetly as he leaned an elbow back to dig into his pocket withdrawing a crumpled cocktail napkin out and holding it out for him. Bucky gave him a curious look, taking the balled up paper and carefully unfurled it, smoothing it out against his thigh only to see himself staring off to the side somewhere he couldn’t see. He felt his face warm, recognizing the work but pretending he didn’t, dread suddenly rolling over him like black clouds in the rain.

“This is nice, did you do it?” 

Mike gave him a tiny almost sympathetic look, “You already know who did that.”

Shoulders falling, Bucky didn’t know what to say shaking his head, “It’s just a harmless doodle, I’m just his muse he said. I’m always around, he’s using me as a study for his portraits and body pieces. I don’t mind.” 

Mike nodded towards him patiently but Bucky knew that reaction, knew it like the back of his hand, he'd seen it way too many times before.

"This isn't going to work out Bucky."

It wasn't that he didn't know that already but Bucky was sure, felt sure in his mind the reason wasn't so transparent but now he was pretty sure he was wrong.

"What do you mean?"

Mike sighed, gesturing back and forth in the space between them, " _This_ , us. It won't work if you just can't.."

Bucky felt the warmth rush through him, completely terrified all of a sudden, "I can't what?"

Mike brought his hands up to rest on his shoulders, looking at him with what looked like a pang of sadness and Bucky knew completely. He always fucked everything up even if he didn't see a future, he did it before he could _say_ it out loud.

Tilting his head towards the other room, Bucky knew without looking who Mike was gesturing to, "I thought I was seeing things at first, that maybe you two really were just best good friends but the way you look at him. You can’t hide it and I can't ever compete with him. There's no way anyone can compete with him. And I’m thinking.." He lightly tapped on the picture with two fingers, “..That he’s feeling something similar about you.”

Bucky so badly wanted to correct him about the last part because Steve didn’t feel anything like that for him and a part of him wished people would stop saying it but he pressed his lips in a frown instead dropping his chin down a little bit.

“I'm sorry Bucky. I really do like you but I can't just hang around and hope you change your mind. From what I saw, that's a lot to let go of. If you.." He sighed, running a hand through his hair, adjusting his glasses, "You know where to find me if you feel like having a friend or even if you want to call one. Take care of yourself alright?"

Bucky helplessly watched, nodding slightly as Mike leaned in to press a kiss to his cheek and give him a quick hug before they gave each other a look before Mike turned to go out the open front door giving him one last look back and a simple wave before he was gone towards his car.

Sighing out heavily, Bucky was so disappointed in himself. He pressed a hand against ottoman, throwing the crumpled picture away somewhere absently and in clear frustration. He knew this was what he wanted and he still felt like shit for it. He never even gave him a chance, sabotaging everything without meaning to. He felt like crying, like yelling or punishing himself for ruining things that could have potentially made him happy. Instead he just let his feelings destroy everything because he was too chicken shit to give something new a chance and what was he so afraid of? It wasn’t like Steve cared, Steve was never going to care for someone like him when he had someone like Tony especially when he was _in love_ with Tony. He only dropped his head forward in shame and disappointment, hating the fact that he only ended up betraying himself and that he couldn’t even hide his own feelings, of course he was called out on it, he didn’t expect anything less from Mike as smart as he was. He felt like absolute shit.

Bucky found Johnny in the crowd, tugging his arm to get him to face him, leaning by his ear, “Did you say something to Mike?”

He shook his head, “Course not, what would I have said?”

“Anything about Steve. Did he ask about Steve?”

Johnny really looked at him this time, hands caging around shoulders, “What happened?”

“He left, he left entirely. Said he couldn’t compete against Steve,” His voice rose a little, “I don’t know what to do I just fucked up so bad. Are you sure you didn’t say anything about us?”

Softly caressing his shoulders, Johnny nodded, “I promise Buck. That’s your business, I’d never tell him except- ” Johnny froze, closing his eyes and groaning out softly, “Oh no.”

He grabbed at his shirt, “Oh no? Oh no what? What happened?”

Shaking his head, Johnny rubbed Bucky’s arms lightly, “He asked me how long you knew Steve for. I figured he was making small talk so I said since high school because it was true right? I didn’t think anything of it because he just kinda nodded and smiled at me and we were back to just dancing. He never said a word about it after that I thought he was just being casual you know?”

Bucky dropped his head against his friend’s chest, groaning softly. He pulled himself up and nodded, turning to leave, shaking his head, “I’m gonna go take a breather outside.”

“You want me to come with?”

He shook his head, “I just wanna be alone, maybe bum a smoke off someone if I don’t run into Rumlow. I’ll be back.”

Jo watched him carefully, nodding a little, “I’ll be here.”

Steve watched the scene unfold from a distance, leaving the bathroom after getting himself cleaned up. He had no idea what was said but the body language was clear as day. Something happened and Mike was leaving, for good it looked like. He figured he should have been happy but the wounded look on Bucky's face and the way he just resigned himself was painful. From what Bucky had said before, he didn’t seem too invested but he had been giving it a shot and now all of a sudden it looked like Mike was making the decision for the both of them.

A few minutes had passed before Bucky scrubbed a hand over his face, his shoulders making a quick sharp movement as he inhaled a deep but depressed breath of air and then shuffled his hands into his pocket to go further inside. He wanted to ask if he was okay but was stopped when him and Johnny were talking which only ended in Bucky leaving to go outside. 

Steve battled with himself, watching and waiting as people moved on and the music played around him. He stood frozen for a few minutes before ultimately letting his feet carry him through the room and out the doors to the side of the house where all the smokers were loitering at. At first he only saw a line of people against the wall, some couples making out by the trash cans and sheltered area, he wondered if Bucky caught a ride out but it wasn’t til he looked out by the end of the driveway that he saw Bucky sitting on rock boulders that were blocking the way for cars to park towards some forest trail for walkers next to the home. He was talking to someone who was sitting beside him while he buried his face in his hands and a cigarette between his two fingers. 

Steve couldn’t tell if the person was a friend or not as he made himself over either way, crouching down in front of Bucky, pressing his hands on his knees, “Bucky.”

Bucky didnt pull away from his hands, almost like he was trying to hide his face from Steve himself. Bucky turned towards the girl who had been rubbing his back beside him whispering something soft and gesturing at the cigarette before she smiled and nodded at him while getting up. She gave him one last squeeze against his shoulder before flashing Steve a sympathetic look then walked away and back towards the crowd at the side of the house.

Ducking his head away, Bucky took another drag with lightly shaky fingers tilting away to exhale. 

Concerned, Steve’s hands cupped the tops of Bucky’s knees, rubbing them gently trying to coax him into speaking, “ _Bucky_.”

“I’m not made for this Stevie.” He admitted softly, his voice barely a whisper.

“What’re you not made for Buck?”

“For someone to love me and I don’t understand why- _why_..”

His voice wavered and began pitching up, cutting himself off so he could catch it and shake his head fiercely, flicking his cigarette away into a sewer drain nearby cupping his face with both hands again. 

“No Bucky, come on. Look at me..” Steve gingerly wrapped hands around thin fragile wrists and Bucky refused, a wet sniffle warning him before Steve stubbornly pried them away and pressed Bucky’s palms onto his own chest. Bucky forced himself to match Steve’s breathing through the beating of Steve’s heart as he kept his head ducked away to hide the tears, ebbing away the threat of a panic attack rising inside of him that Steve had picked up on.

“Just breathe okay?”

“I don’t know what to do anymore Stevie, I’m just a shitty joke..” Bucky confessed unhappily as he lost control of his voice, words cracking, warping away, “I can’t- ”

“Here, you can hide here..”

Damp watery pale blue eyes stared at him briefly before he pressed in and wrapped his arms tightly around Steve’s neck. Steve only held him just as tight, rubbing his back tenderly in gentle slow circles soon listening to buried unhappy sobs losing themselves into his Henley. 

“Shh, you’re okay, you’re not a joke. Everything is gonna be okay Bucky, I promise. I know it will and before you say I can’t possibly know that I’m gonna tell you that I do fucking know it. I know that there’s someone out there made just for you Buck. Made for you to love the stars with and hold you during scary movies and cuddle you exactly how you like. Someone that will pet you like a cat and laugh at your crappy jokes, even the ones that never make sense because your laugh is precious and amazing, they’ll never want you to stop making those sounds..”

He could tell Bucky was still crying, a pained broken whimper pressed into the fabric of his shirt as fingers tightened around the material and he stroked his hair softly as he rested his head against Bucky’s, “Shh, someone’s going to come and take everything bad away and love you like you deserve. They’ll know how much you hate spiders and that you love apple juice but dislike apples. They’ll know that when it rains you prefer to cuddle under a heap of blankets and watch it than leave the house..that you love bubble baths especially when they smell like rose petals and lavender with too many bubbles and the hottest water you can get into.”

Steve smiled fondly, brushing his nose into Bucky’s hair, lowering his face by his ear like he was trying to keep the words just between them, “They’ll know how much of a romantic you are even if you lie through your teeth about it and that you keep wondering if you could somehow get a farm so you can adopt a lot of animals but that you’re so in love with the hustle and bustle of New York that you’re not sure you’re sold on the idea just yet. They’ll know all these things and more and they’ll love you more because of them. I promise you.”

Bucky had stopped crying but stayed how he was, hiding his face and sniffling into his chest. Steve only pressed a light kiss into his hair and let him do what he felt comfortable with, softly dragging his palm along his back and keeping him warm from the nippy night air.

“I promise Buck.”

He didn’t know how long time had passed and his fingers were numb when Bucky finally pulled away and wiped his hands across tear stained cheeks.

“I’m sorry, you’re probably freezing.” He ducked his head away to look at his own hands, rubbing them together to get some feeling into them. 

“It’s okay, I was fine. I was making sure you were alright.”

Bucky nodded but he couldn’t look up. Steve didn’t mind that, pulling himself upright though after squatting for so long that was another problem taking a few seconds to loosen his legs up before he pulled Bucky up as well, “You wanna go back inside?”

Weighing out the pros and cons, a cool wind caused Bucky to nod quickly and they walked back to the music and crowds, warmth wrapping around them almost immediately Steve letting it all sink in again with his hand lightly rubbing his friend’s back.

“You okay?”

Softly shrugging, Bucky glanced at him, “Think I’m too sober again.”

“Yeah, I hear you. Can I buy you a drink?”

Raising a brow, Bucky frowned a little, “They’re free.”

“Come on, play with me a little,” He paused, rolling his eyes to Bucky’s flicker of amusement, “Stop being a kid.”

“Nah, take me to the bar.” He slid his arm around Steve’s waist, an arm draping around Bucky’s shoulders walking together.

They only stopped when Steve did, recognizing someone, dropping his arm to break away, “Scott?”

The brunette turned around, eyes going from casual to practically bugging out in record time, “Steve? Wow! I didn’t know you were gonna be here!”

Steve shrugged, “I wasn’t sure, I didn’t even know you were here long time no see. Oh yeah, Bucky this is my friend Scott, Scott meet Bucky.”

“Wow man, interesting name, I mean it’s nice no offense! Nice to meet you.”

Bucky smiled, shaking his hand, “Nice to meet you too.”

Scott draped an arm around Steve’s shoulders, “Oh man! I’m so glad to see you again! How are you doing, how’s life? Shit I’m rambling, okay okay but I haven’t seen you in so long and damn you look good Steve. Nice pecs. Come on let me get you a beer!”

Steve laughed, eyes looking back and Bucky gave him a smile, gesturing with his head to go ahead. He needed a moment to collect himself anyway not sure if he was up for Steve’s hyper friend watching them trail into the heart of the party, turning back towards the entryway fixing the cuff of his shirt. Someone’s shoulder hit him hard enough to jolt his head up in surprise facing a guy twice his size.

“Stop staring at me queer and watch where you’re fucking going.”

Bucky raised his eyes, blinking a few times realizing the guy was an old classmate.

“Excuse me?”

Memories rushed back, he couldn’t remember his name at that moment but Bucky remembered how bent out of shape he had gotten as soon as he realized Bucky liked guys as did some of the other students. It wasn’t long before he was removed and Bucky forgot about him.

"Fucking cocksucker. Could never keep your eyes off my dick, could you, faggot?"

Only a few stragglers were around the archway, too busy in their own conversations to pause especially with the music bleeding out. Bucky for his part wasn’t angry like he felt like he should be he only sucked in a soft breath with an an incredulous look on his face much too surprised to react just lost on how ridiculous this guy was acting. It took him a second to remember but he had a cold sinking feeling when he realized he was also one of Ward’s friends. 

Bucky flashed a quick smile at him as he took a step back to get out of there and make a diplomatic decision before Steve or even Rumlow caught wind of the altercation, “Look, I don’t even remember your name so trust me, if I wanted your dick, I would have made a move by now. By the looks of it, I would have done you a favor, seems like you need to get laid anyway.”

He shook his head, turning to move and go outside to take an alternative route into the party since the way he wanted to go was blocked except he ran right into Grant instead, a predatory gleam in his eyes as he casually folded his arms over his chest, “Now where are you going Buck? Looks like my friend was having a nice conversation with you and you just wanna leave. That’s not very nice.”

Bucky felt the other one move closer, his head turning just slightly to pick him up in his field of vision. He clenched his teeth, looking back at Ward, “What do you want? I just came to party and hang out, not to get into a fight with you or your homophobic asshole friend.”

“Oh yeah. Must be your first party since your daddy sent you off to Germany huh?” Grant snorted, a smirk spreading across his lips in amusement, “How was that? Did you have fun?”

“What do you care?”

“Oh I care plenty, Barnes.” Voice low and sharp.

Bucky stared at him long and hard while Grant only looked back at him like he was waiting, way too excitedly, Bucky processing carefully in their spare few seconds before realization flickered in his eyes, “ _You_ told him.”

He grinned, all teeth, “Now why would I do that?”

Bucky could feel himself shaking, anger flooding into his system like a struck match. He tried to keep his tone even, he still needed answers and there was no way he’d get it if he swung a fist even if he had every right to.

“I don’t know Ward. I have no freaking idea why you would go out of your way to start shit for me. I sure as hell don’t know how that benefitted you in any way.”

He only smiled, smug like he was relishing in it. He took a step forward and away like he was moving to leave, shoulders shifting to loosen them like he had no worries or cares in the world. He rested a hand on his shoulder and Bucky bit back the urge to push it off, feeling his pulse rise; Grant leaned his head in close by his ear and Bucky closed his eyes momentarily to force himself not to react. 

“I’m gonna make your life a living hell until you tell me where Alex is, Barnes. No one’s gonna save you; not Rumlow, not Rollins, not even your pretty little boyfriend Rogers.”

His chest tightened, as did his fists, the hand giving him a friendly shoulder pat before lifting off him and all he wanted to do was punch that smug look off his face. 

“Yeah well, we’ll see how well you outrun them but your shit’s with me, not them.”

Pausing with a crook of his brow, Ward simply smiled to the statement perusing it for a moment, “No, it _was_ between us and maybe Barton but they decided to put themselves in between it. That’s not my problem.”

Anger and frustration began boiling over as multiple images ran through his mind. How he couldn’t help Steve re-cooperate and be at his side, how he was sick and depressed, how _unwanted_ some of the attention he got was, how Brock overdosed..

He turned his head glaring at Ward, “Why don’t you just fucking grow up. I don’t know where the fuck he is, like I said a million times before. Fucking find a new hobby.”

He only got laughed at in return, “But this is much more amusing! Your parents don’t give a shit about you, they just care about themselves. It’s so _easy_ to manipulate them and drag you down, it’s almost a crime.” 

“Fuck you.” Bucky turned entirely to attack Ward only to feel a fist collide with his jaw before he really had time to look back knocking him off balance and hard onto the floor. A spell of dizziness washed over him, trying to get over the fog washing over him. He forgot how weak he still was, scrambling to get back to his feet with un-cooperating limbs and a discarded beer bottle by him he managed to grasp in his hand. He swung it around hard and connected into Ward’s friend hearing the sound of glass shattering against skull before he actually saw it. 

Hands pushed him away and he stumbled into the railing banister, his cheek throbbing angrily. Grant advanced on him, grabbing him by the collar and a fist cracking him in the face. He mirrored the action himself, nailing him in the eye, feet tangled together and they both fell into the wall. Several punches landed at his ribs and he managed to shove the heel of his hand under Ward’s nose and shove, striking the back of his own hand hard feeling his nose give way under the pressure. He was punched in the gut before he was off him and Ward was stumbling backwards in a howl of anger as Bucky felt his knees buckling under him as he slid down the wall. His whole entire body was shaking, Steve’s voice shouting his name as he came into view watching the blond shoving Ward farther away in warning before he was knelt down in front of him. 

Bucky looked past him, watching how the dark deep colored blood seep past the hand Ward was cupping over his face face as he glared in rage and Bucky pointed a warning finger at him, “I’ll do much more than that if you come any closer.”

“Then get off your ass and step up without your bitch.”

“Buck.”

God, Bucky knew he was slightly drunk and his body was arguing to work with him, but he refused to be pushed down especially when Steve was being insulted. He shoved his friend aside, pulling himself up, catching Steve’s eyes turn to look over his shoulder at Ward goading him and Bucky immediately shook his head, “I got it.”

He pressed a hand against the wall to steady himself, “You’re the bitch, you’re the one that’s got nothing better to do and don’t you ever call him a bitch again!”

“Bucky stop, you’re not your best.” Steve murmured out softly, pressing a hand lightly against his arm.

Bucky tilted his head, “Don’t. I’ll be fine, just don’t interfere. He’s the one who got me sent to Germany."

“What?” Steve looked from Bucky to Grant then back again, “You can’t take him on Bucky, he’s baiting you."

Bucky spat out the tang of blood in his mouth, pulling his arm away as he stepped forward and sized Ward up again, “Let’s go, outside and Rogers, I mean it.” 

Steve frowned, there was no way he was going to let this happen even if this was who got him sent away. He took inventory of the other friend who was still on the ground and conscious but clutching a bleeding wound on his head, groaning a little with no aim on trying to get up. 

Bucky saw Steve shaking his head from the corner of his eye and then he was moving away suddenly and leaving. They both moved outside and some people were already following after them, Grant pushing past some of them as he held his head high with his disjointed nose, puffing his chest out in bravado with red strained teeth, “I’ve been waiting a long time for this Barnes. It’s going to feel so good beating your ass in front of your littl- ”

Bucky took him by surprise, grabbing him by his jacket with both hands dug deep and throwing him hard into someone’s car hearing the loud thud of Grant’s skull bouncing off the frame echoing into the cold night air. He yanked him off before he could even blink, twisting to turn and shove them both on the ground, throwing a punch into Ward’s face as he tugged the material harder between his fingers to smash the male’s head against the pebbled driveway. He swung another punch into his face, trying to ignore the pain blooming across his middle, Ward punching him multiple times in the abdomen. They rolled their bodies over onto the nearby grass both attempting to duck away from each others swings as they frantically struggled for leverage, a furious string of punches landing both of them only giving seconds of getting a handle on the situation before losing it to the other. 

Everything Bucky seemed to hold inside was spilling out in each fist that connected, a shrill screaming sound in his ears as he grabbed and clawed, his mind racing over how _unnecessary_ it all was, how pointless. 

He was going to kill him.

It was when he managed to roll Grant back onto his back and his breathing was torn and haggard that someone grabbed the back of his shirt collar like he was a cat and yanked him off, their other hand on his upper arm and pulling it back from hitting him again but not until flying legs managed to kick Ward square in the chin sending him flying backwards again.

“Let go of me!”

He struggled, but there was no way the hand was letting him go, Brock coming into view before he turned his head and saw Jack, “I had him!”

“You’re bleeding, sloneczko.” 

Bucky stared at him for a long moment before he tried to get out of his grip again and Jack glared, “Stop it. Right now. I’m not letting you go.”

There was yelling, he could hear Brock’s voice but he wasn’t registering what they were saying, chest burning as he panted for air, his lungs scratching for it and he looked up to the sky seeing it spinning above him. The yelling only stopped when there was a distinct sound of fist connecting to skin and bones, the all too familiar sound of spongy wet cartilage and breaking bone. He turned towards it, coming in tune to a small gargled sound of surprise and to see Brock on top of Ward’s body slamming his already bloody fist into face, Jack still beside him with a tight hand around Bucky’s collar chewing on a toothpick with sickening calm, his free hand dug deep into his jean pocket.

The front lawn had gone deathly quiet when there was no more back talk from Grant, Rumlow picking himself up with casual grace, fixing his hair casually, a speckle of blood splashed across his nose and cheek as well as across his white t-shirt. A soft pained moan dissipated into the air which seemed to trigger people out of their shock and walk away from the crowd, going back to the party. Brock tugged his the hem of his shirt up, wiping his face down as Steve approached from the side to look, hesitating on moving too forward.

Bucky narrowed his eyes at Brock, “I had ‘im, Rummy.”

Rumlow gave Bucky a small wink, “You ain’t a hundred percent Kiddo. He was going to exhaust you and then fuck you up, look at you barely breathin’ right now.”

Bucky conceded, only because he had no choice on the matter, his heart still beating hard and fast against his ribcage. Jack finally let go of his collar but his palm smoothed out to cuff the back of Bucky’s neck instead, soothing out the adrenaline and anger coursing through with no way to expel it.

“He set me up, sent me to Germany. He did it.”

“I know, Steve told us.”

Steve stared at the unapologetic look on Bucky’s face, a dead distant gaze watching Grant coughing and barely moving while Brock folded his arms over his chest standing over sprawled legs and saying something low, Ward watching him carefully. Soon Brock stepped over his legs and kicked his hand away as it tried to reach for his pant leg waiting towards the entrance for the other two. 

“Bucky.” Steve reached for his arm, his hand resting there close to his space and waiting for permission but Bucky only recoiled, his face flushed still and eyes now upset. Ignoring him, he walked towards the arm that Brock held out, waiting until it was draped across Bucky’s shoulders. Rollins already walking at Rumlow’s other side and that was all there was to it.

“Let’s get ya cleaned up Kid.”

Steve was stuck just standing like an oaf and dumbstruck that Bucky had left him in the dust with the most stricken look he had ever seen him with and knew it was because he called in the cavalry. He didn’t have a choice on the matter, not wanting him to get hurt though he just couldn’t rid the frustration in those eyes as he turned his back and walked away without him. 

Swallowing down the tightness in his throat he turned to look back at Grant’s face used as a punching bag, the sound of an ambulance coming from down the street. A couple of guys came out and was at their friend’s side, Steve turning away and going back inside before anyone decided to question him.

Bucky only sat still long enough on the bathroom counter for Brock to finish wiping the blood off his face and around his neck, glaring beside him at Jack sitting on the toilet seat, “So..you’re not snorting it anymore but you’re cutting his lines?”

Shrugging, Jack didn’t look up, “Ain’t a big deal.”

Bucky rolled his eyes, “Obviously not, just no fucking problem encouraging your best friend who doesn’t wanna do it to lay them out for you because what Brock? You broke your hands?”

“Hey,” Brock cupped Bucky’s cheek lightly although he didn’t much want to be held in it, “I never told him to do it and it ain’t like I do it in front of him. You got a lot of fight in there still don’t ya?”

Gently pushing him back, Bucky shook his head, “It’s not right Rummy, it’s not. Don’t let him do that.”

He turned to Jack, prodding fingers against his shoulder, “And you, stop babyin’ him.”

Green eyes finally looked up at him, opening his mouth to respond but Bucky lifted a finger like he was daring him to speak, tense and ready for another fight even with the throbbing sensation rolling through the entirety of his face. Jack shook his head, playfully slapping his hand.

“Let’s go get another beer Kid.”

Bucky nodded following him out, walking down the hall lightly nudging Rollins in the side, “You’re in too deep Rolypoly.” 

“Too deep into what?”

Bucky rolled his eyes, smirking to himself until he heard Another One Bites the Dust starting up and he was off, “Jackie c’mon!”

Jack looked up at the ceiling in dread, feet following no matter what, “Buck, I don’t dance ‘cept maybe when I’m _really_ drunk.."

Ignoring him as he pulled, Bucky practically skipped down the stairs and through the entrance lobby to the other large room filtering into the crowd of people already out there like he didn’t just get battered up. Tugging him along deeper into the thick of it with a wild grin, Bucky danced around Jack’s frame with their hands still connected as grey eyes eyed greens singing the lyrics while all Rollins could do was hold onto fingers and follow him around in a circle. Bucky finally settled enough to stand in front of him, gripping firmly to his forearms pushing and pulling at them with the tune and rocking his hips to the punchy beat. 

Jack helplessly mimicked Bucky’s movements with a small smirk trying to be accommodating though maybe he wasn’t as jubilant as his partner. Closing his eyes, Bucky belted out the lines louder without a care in the world and Jack burst out laughing spinning Bucky around playfully and dipping him low before they both snapped upright again jumping right back into their movements. Dizzy and caught up in the buzzing energy around them all Bucky could do was turn himself into a mess of giggles as Rollins got more into dancing with him and cradled Bucky in his arms while they both moved to the beat, hands drumming the beat along Jack’s shoulders. 

Steve realized Bucky hadn’t even seen him on his way through to the so called dance floor when he was barreling down the stairs with Jack in hand past the front doors. He had been ghosting Ward’s friend from a distance watching him talk to a few of his crony friends with obvious feelings of anger before giving one of the bigger guys a pat on the shoulder and leaving the area. He wasn’t sure if there was going to be more of something tonight but he figured it was wise to keep tabs anyway. Bucky came from nowhere and hadn’t even noticed a thing out of place apparently just wanting to dance and forget about the whole thing for now though with all the bruises littering his face it was kind of hard to miss what happened and Steve shifted to watch him having fun, smiling a little while trying to sober up drinking water instead of beer. 

“There you are my friend! Come, let us feast on the finest of meals.”

Steve turned his head to Thor grinning wide, Scott peaking around his large frame holding up a box of pizza, “He’s talking about pizza dude, _pizza_. I love you Thor.”

“And I adore you as well Langson.”

“It’s _Lang_.”

“I prefer Langson.”

“Right, sure whatever. Steve come on I’m starving, we need to break into this pizza.”

Shrugging because there was nothing else he could really do and in need of a break anyway, he followed his friends down towards the back of the house to settle back where it was quieter. 

Bucky got Jack for a few songs before they were at the bar, Jack leaning beside Bucky pulling out his phone and reading a text with a shake of his head, “Brock doesn’t know what the hell he’s doing when he’s high, he’s looking for us. I don’t even know if he knows where the bar is, this one. He was drinking earlier by the kitchen.”

“The place isn’t so big to get lost it’s just if he runs into trouble..”

His friend nodded as he turned, resting elbows on the counter surface typing away a message back, “We’ll hear it.”

It didn’t take too long for trouble to find at least Bucky because of the mess with Ward, looking around passively for Johnny or even Steve, though he was sure Steve was making himself scarce because of Brock, when he felt a shoulder collide hard into him and push him off balance against a wall. 

“What the fuck?”

It was the same hefty friend of Ward’s carrying the homophobic chip on his shoulder now with an ugly gash at his head looking for a second round of whatever he was attempting to do. Rollins turned around from the bar, dropping a smile he was holding while texting as he tried to see what was going on.

“Watch where you’re going cocksucker.”

Bucky straightened up, stepping towards the guy with his hands out at his sides in disbelief, “Are you fucking kidding me right now? You really wanna start something with me without Ward?”

The male scoffed, “I don’t need him to beat your faggot ass up, you got lucky with the bottle but now it’s pay back.”

“Who you callin’ a faggot?”

Bucky shook his head watching Brock come up from behind like a predatory lion and Bucky knew he was wasting his breath before he said it, “Rumlow stop.”

“No, I want a fuckin’ answer since this cunt’s gotta open his big ass mouth.”

Another two guys stepped forward and Jack moved in just to make things blatantly clear while rolling up his sleeves neatly like he had no qualms getting this going because this was Rollins and it was dangerous to put him in a fight when you didn’t know what he was capable of. Bucky watched the smaller one by the homophobe mouthing off not going anything was watching the interaction as he and Brock sized each other up and the guy started posturing while Brock had an almost manic look in his eye and people around them started crowding in. 

Other people were talking loud over the music and Bucky began noticing the ripple effect of discourse and alcohol, pushing and shoving coming from off to the side. A body fell into Bucky from behind and he turned to look at two drunks barely able to stand, yelling insults at each other and a red cup full of beer went flying from somewhere straight into Ward’s friend and that was the pin. The area plunged into an explosion of drunken, testosterone filled chaos.

Fists were flying and Bucky lunged for the shorter one trying to get into Brock’s fight, ducking from a punch and decking his opponent so hard he fell into a crumpled heap into other party goers fighting each other in the mayhem. He could feel his hand trembling, pain ringing through and reminding him of what he had been doing earlier. 

Arms wrapped around his biceps, easily picking him up and throwing him into the bar. Scrambling up to get to his feet he looked over his shoulder not knowing the tall guy that decided to size him up next. Rolling over to press his back against the bar, he pushed himself off to hold his fists up because any motherfucker throwing him into a bar like a toy better be at least ready to fight him straight up, a hand abruptly pulling him roughly from the side not letting go and maneuvering him quickly out of the thirty or so people shoving and fighting.

“Hey! What the hell are you doing?!”

It took him a few seconds to realize Johnny was pulling him and not letting go, shoving him down a hallway by the kitchen and pinning him to a wall.

Bucky rolled his eyes and sighed, trying to struggle, “I was fighting some guy that threw me in to a bar like I was a doll, why did you pull me out?”

“Your pretty face is already busted up a little, don’t want it to get worse.” 

Bucky shoved at him and he only pushed back harder, “Jo, come on.”

“No Buck, I already heard about you getting into a fight with that Grant guy.”

“I can fight those assholes out there too!”

Johnny grinned, “I know you can, it’s pretty hot watching you drop a guy three times your size, but you need to relax. What’re you trying to prove?”

Shaking his head as he settled his back against the wall, he shrugged helplessly, “I don’t know, I just have no idea what I’m trying to do.”

The sound of glass shattering startled them, looking back from where they came from.

“What the hell was that?”

Bucky tilted his head towards it, “We should go see.”

“How about we wait a little bit, let the crowd simmer down a little huh?”

Jack had caught the tall male by the arm after he had seen him manhandling Bucky, just barely catching Johnny pushing through people to pull him out, when the guy went to follow them he stopped him, re-routing the attention onto him with no issues. He dodged a swing before he could even let go, still holding that other arm so he took advantage, twisting it tight behind the guy’s back pushing his forearm up painfully until he felt the pop of the shoulder he was been waiting for shoving him to the floor while he was screaming in pain. He leaned down and patted him on the cheek pretty sure the message was clear. 

He turned his attention to the cheering behind him, a small group of people still watching Brock and Grant’s friend punching it out, some small fights had been broken up by screaming girls and drunk friends, a crowd of people were running outside and there was more screaming apparently another fight out there. He pushed past some bodies, Brock’s arm wrapped tight around the neck of the guy who was bigger and taller, fists pounding down into kidneys but not without Rumlow bleeding from the nose and mouth. One of Ward’s other friends was trying to pry Brock off and Jack grabbed him from behind at his shoulders, throwing him where he assumed was more people or at least, a wall.

Aggressive features quickly were replaced by a look of surprise when he heard glass shattering past his shoulder, the room quickly quieting a bit even with the music still going. His eyes widened as lips parted a fraction when he looked back, shocked at the realization he just threw someone out the front window and onto the lawn. He took a quick step forward, peeking out as the reaction shifted to a look of concern, his brows knitting inwards together meeting at the furrow above his nose, "Shit."

The cut of laughter behind him got Jack to turn around reeling him back in, Brock's muscles shifted under the tightly pulled material of his t-shirt moving with his shaking shoulders, his head bowed as he pulled himself up. The guy he was fighting was out cold on the floor and a lot of people had moved out of the area to disassociate with the mess and broken window. 

Blood dripped slow and thick down the front of Rumlow’s white t-shirt finally looking up when he righted himself, bright coppery colored eyes staring at Rollins. He brought a bruise knuckled hand under his nose, giving it a messy quick swipe as he continued to chuckle at the window damage and Jack’s surprised face only managing to smear the blood across his cheek.

“Fuck Brock, you’re bleeding.”

The observation only caused Rumlow to laugh _harder_ , bloody handprints smearing against the white as he held his ribs, “If you could see your damn face Rollins! Christ on a fuckin’ cracker it’s a classic!”

“I threw him through a window!”

The laughter tramped down a bit, Brock pulling his shirt up to hastily wipe his face giving his best friend a playful wink, “I’ve seen you do a lot worse Sweetheart.” 

Jack could only roll his eyes, stepping closer to look over his other cuts and bruises finding nothing too offending. He tucked his hand against Brock’s chin, thumb clutching his bottom jaw at one side, his index finger at the other. Brock groused, trying to shake himself out of the hold with just a yank of his head but Jack only dug in harder and Rumlow allowed it to let him look. It was mainly a nasty gash above his eyebrow and the bloody nose that _had_ been dripping like a faucet, now only a light bleed that Brock sniffled at grinning with all teeth and bright eyes. Sure he was going to get bruises but that was nothing new. Rollins cut him loose, turning his head back to look out the window. The guy he pushed away still sprawled out but moving slowly looking more sore than anything.

“We should..probably go. Get that gash cleaned up at my place.”

“Yeah, maybe.” Brock nudged his foot at Ward’s friend laying on the ground, Jack trying to get a placement on the guy who’s shoulder was dislocated but he was gone. 

Steve and Scott were looking down the hallway until he saw Johnny and Bucky, turning that way, “There you are. Someone said you were in another fight!”

Johnny pulled back, smiling at the pair of them as he gave Bucky’s shoulder a soft pat, “He’s fine. Got him out before went toe to toe on some version two point oh of Rollins.”

Steve looked at him worriedly, “The tall guy in the blue polo shirt and stupid fade?”

“Yep that’s the guy.” 

Frowning, Bucky hit the brunette in the ribs, “I coulda had him, you didn’t have to pull me out.”

“Yes he did.” Steve interjected, “Thor told me he was also friends with Ward. Why are you stooping like that?”

“The guy threw him into the bar- ”

Bucky grimaced, arm curled around at his side gently, “The edge hit my ribs, hurts a little.” 

Scott grinned, holding his hands into fists just excited about the fight, “Is that other tall guy friends with you? Rollins?” 

Bucky nodded, “Yeah he’s my friend, is he okay?”

“Oh yeah! He’s great alright. He popped that guys shoulder out, I saw it. Really gross by the way to see that live right in front of you. He threw someone else through a window, that was cool too.”

Johnny let out a low whistle, Bucky turning to look at Scott, “And Brock? The boxer guy, white tee?”

Shifting from one foot to the other in bundled excitement, he only grinned wider, “That dude knocked the crap out of that other guy! The homophobe guy, he’s still unconscious. I think he’s twice the size tall and wide as your friend and bam he’s out, stick a fork in him!”

Steve turned to Scott, “Hey I’ll catch up with you and Thor, I wanna talk to Bucky.”

Johnny flashed a smirk, nudging his hip into Bucky’s, “I’m going to check if there’s another party, I’m sure cops are coming to break this one up. Later Buck.”

Opening his mouth to protest, Johnny didn’t wait for Bucky to say something, instead throwing his arm around Scott striking up a casual conversation as they walked out of there.

Still a little sore about him calling in the cavalry, Bucky tried trailing back the other way and disappearing but Steve jogged after him, tugging his arm and turning him back his way.

“Hey, you okay?” His hand brushed along the swelling around his cheekbone.

Bucky attempted to bat Steve’s hand away from his face, “Just let me breathe Steve. Christ.”

“Bucky! Come on, please.”

Steve tugged him hesitantly, eyes pleading and Bucky moved into him, draping his arm around his neck, giving in to him with a soft sigh knowing he wanted to look him over, “What Steve, what?”

Steve leaned in, Bucky’s knee locking between his friend’s losing himself for a second at the sudden warmth around his thighs. He snapped out of it when a hand gently touched and prodded at his face, already cleaned up complete with gargling his mouth out with some vodka. Nothing was new, none of his gashes were reopened, he was barely touched in that last fight aside from being handled like a sack of potatoes but he stayed still if only to soak in the warmth radiating off him. His jaw was a little sore but it was nothing, he had worse, Steve finally relenting but not moving away, noses softly touching when he pressed their foreheads together. 

Steve truly didn’t give a fuck about if anyone saw them right now, let them talk. He wanted Bucky to listen, wanted Bucky to be here in his arms and stay there. They breathed in the same warm air and Steve lingered on that for a second, his other arm wrapping around and into his hair petting it softly. He was dizzy for him, Bucky’s fingers sliding along his jaw and Steve wanted to. Steve wanted to so badly but he couldn’t as much as Bucky drove him insane he only took what he could, what he was allowed and he just ran with it.

“I know what you said Buck but you know how I stand on that so I did one thing better or I would have broken his legs. You don’t understand what I’d do to protect you especially if he was the reason you were sent out there.”

Bucky could only sigh as he paused for a second, drawing back slowly as he stared into his eyes. “I know. I was angry and I let it take over but Stevie..you need to stop with that image of an obsessive boyfriend or protective brother bit. You aren’t either of those things, I know you care but I’m going to get into fights, there’s always someone who doesn’t like me or doesn’t like one of my friends and I’ll get in the middle of it.”

“But Brock can?” Steve blurted out before he could stop himself. “I’m sorry.”

Bucky cupped Steve’s cheeks with red bruised hands and Steve felt so close, just inches from his lips and he _wanted_ to. 

Bucky shook his head, drawing back, “It’s okay. Don’t apologize.”

Warm and soft against his skin, Steve only pulled him tight to his chest feeling Bucky’s arms wrap around his neck and hold on to him like he was afraid of letting him go. Steve was in love with it, burying his face against the crook of the brunette’s neck, inhaling the smell of his familiar skin, the lingering scent of soap and that all too familiar shampoo that Bucky enjoyed.

“Bucky.”

Both of them tensed, Bucky lifting his head to see Jack down the corridor looking at the both of them with an unreadable expression, his face stoic but his jaw clenched. Bucky looked back at Steve, apologetically letting go, stepping back from him as Rollins approached the pair.

The brunette shook his head with his voice lowered slight avoiding the echo of the darkened hall, “If Brock finds you two like this, let’s say that that guy he punched the shit out of was let off easy compared to what he would do to you Steve.”

Steve looked at Bucky then at Rollins, exhaling tiredly, “Yeah, I know.”

Jack tilted his head back towards the direction of where he came from, “Brock’s down there, he’s looking for you, going to get going soon I wanna avoid trouble.”

Smoothing out his hair, Bucky glanced at Steve and then nodded at Rollins, heading out of area and back into the party. Steve made a move to go, feeling Jack lightly jab him with two fingers to keep him in place, not saying anything until Bucky was completely out of sight.

“So, I know it’s none of my business but Bucky is like a kid brother to me and Brock seems really set on beating your face in one of these days..among other things. I’m just wondering what’s going on here. Just..out of curiosity.”

Steve went to open his mouth and tell him to mind his own business considering he was pretty much Brock’s right hand man but he stopped himself, the feeling of knowing something else in Jack, something he felt comfortable in. Something about him seemed like he could talk without the information being relayed back considering this wasn’t the first time Jack had caught them out. 

“I don’t exactly know.” 

It wasn’t a lie, he honestly didn’t know. His relationship was..odd lately with Tony, he didn’t know how to phrase it or how to feel and he honestly wondered if he was overreacting or not. He actually thought Tony was going to come to the party tonight after he told him what his plans were, yet he didn’t and only told him to have fun. They needed to talk and Steve was completely afraid of that. He was afraid of getting hurt, afraid Tony would leave him and maybe Steve deserved that. Deserved all the bad swirling around in his head right now because he was putting his emotional needs into another person that wasn’t him. Bucky confused the life out of him. Bucky was also battling his own demons trying to treat everything like it was alright when everyone could plainly see that it wasn’t. 

Jack was still staring at him and he looked at him earnestly, “I feel like I always need to be around him.”

It was simple, it was the truth.

The blood was the first thing Bucky’s eyes went to when he found Brock drinking down another beer and talking with some guys, the abundance of black hair sitting on his head was drooping in a mess over his forehead and all Bucky could do was raise a brow. 

Finishing off his bottle, Brock set it to the side, putting his arm out in frustration, “There you are, been lookin’ for ya!”

Bucky nodded, “I know, was talking to Steve for a second, was apologizing for getting you two because I was mad at him a little.”

“Yeah well, Ward’s gonna get an ass kicking when I see him again. Don’t need witnesses.” He smirked, taking another beer passed to him, tilting his head towards the front, “We should get movin’. Where the fuck Rollins go?”

“I’m here calm down.”

Fiddling with his shirtsleeve Bucky frowned, “You guys get the car I’ll be back, gonna go say bye to a couple people.”

“If you’re looking for Storm, he was making out with some girl outside.”

Of course he was. 

Bucky put a couple of fingers up to indicate two minutes and walked away, Brock giving Jack a look knowing exactly who Bucky was going to talk to. Jack shrugged, shoving his friend along before he got started with his ranting.

Bucky found him, sitting beside Scott and Thor with a few other old friends and catching up. Steve immediately pulled himself aside when he saw him, the both of them shuffling into the hallway for privacy and looked at him curiously. 

“I gotta go, Brock’s a little drunk and you know, they just wanna get going before more trouble comes this way besides a broken window.”

Steve chuckled, nodding to him, “Yeah finally saw that.”

“So, um I guess goodnight. If you wanna tell me you got home safe hit me up but I’m tired and feeling a little you know _everywhere_ tonight so don’t expect anything before your jog if you go and uh,” Bucky paused in his flighty nervousness checking over his shoulder in case Brock was looking for him again before he lightly pressed the pads of his fingers against Steve’s chest and leaned in to kiss his cheek. He let his eyes close half way the moment his lips touched stubbled skin, fingers wrapping around the fabric of Steve’s Henley as he brushed his nose at the spot when he drew back just enough so he wasn’t nuzzling in. He felt the warmth of Steve’s breath as they pressed their heads together lingering in the fractured seconds they had.

Steve felt blindsided, lost like he was suddenly stripped of all his armor and defensive walls to be left bare and only Bucky could lead him home again, his hand finding itself pressed against Bucky’s, “What was that for?”

Blush rose to his cheeks, Steve’s touch sending small little intricate sparks of pleasure through him and he curled his face away a little in embarrassment. 

“For talking to me, when that mess happened earlier with Mike. For curbing my attack that I didn’t even know I was going to have until you picked up on it. I still don’t feel right but I can hear it in your voice that you mean things like what you said. You believe that there’s someone for me, even if I’m not even sure anymore. That and getting Jack and Brock because as much as I was fine with fighting him, I really wanted to hurt him for hurting me and hurting Brock and I don’t trust myself with that. It just..” He trailed off, shrugging inwardly as he hid his face to the side and away from Steve, “..It doesn’t feel nice.”

Lingering in silence, Bucky eventually pulled his hand out from under Steve’s, giving him an apologetic smile, “I should go, they’re waiting for me. I’ll see you around Steve.”

Afraid of his own voice he only watched after Bucky, catching his hand quietly cradle his side a little, his shoulder curling in but otherwise he looked fine disappearing around the corner and leave Steve with no idea when he would see him again.

 

Jack wrangled Brock away, shoving him towards the bathroom, “You need to get cleaned up and you- ”

He turned and stopped, Bucky already curled up on the couch seemingly asleep. Shaking his head at the fact there was a perfectly good bed to sleep on just a few steps away he didn’t bother waking him up knowing Bucky was most likely too exhausted. Instead, Jack pulled off shoes and covered him with the blanket sitting at the side. He moved into the bathroom after Brock, pulling out the small first aid kit from under the sink.

“Ow!”

“Hold fucking still and let me clean this shit up then and keep your trap shut, Buck’s already asleep on the couch.”

Brock sat propped up against the bathroom counter looking past Jack’s shoulder even though he already knew, cheek twitching to the sting of alcohol to see Bucky’s feet propped up on the arm of Jack’s leather couch out cold.

He slapped away the cotton batting when Jack did it again and Rollins’ grabbed in chin roughly.

“I said hold still, stop acting childish.”

“That shit hurts fucker.” He grumbled back, squirming.

Jack tossed away some more cotton into the wastebasket, letting him go so he could look over his knuckles, “How do you clean yourself up after boxing then?”

“Soap and fuckin’ water.”

Rollins wasn’t in the mood, giving his head a shake. Brock tried to move his hand away but Jack only tugged it back to him and Brock pushed him with his free hand. Jack glared at him, giving his shoulder a hard shove back. 

A smirk spread across Rumlow’s lips, teasingly smacking the underside of Jack’s chin ignoring the sting coming off his hand. 

“ _Stop it_.” His friend warned with a low growl.

Brock only punched his chest playfully and Jack grabbed at his other hand, enveloping around one bruised fist and squeezing in hopes the pain would get him to stop, though it only made Brock more belligerent. 

“Brock..I swear..”

He only grinned to the grim face Jack was making, “Whadda ya gonna do Rollins, huh?”

“Well I got both your fucking hands now, what’re you gonna do about it asshole?”

“You know I could easily headbutt your big ass forehead, I’ve used it ‘nuff times in a fight.”

Brock had a point but Jack refused to give in, pressing tighter around his hands and he saw the slight twitch in Rumlow’s face trying to pull his arms back with Jack firmly holding on so he gave Rollins a hard push backwards.

Jack let himself be pushed back into the towel rack watching Brock get off the counter their hands still locked. Rollins shoved him towards the door frame, sweeping his foot behind one of Rumlow’s and letting go of his hands watching him twist to catch the frame but miss it and crash hard on the wood floor half outside the bathroom.

“I fuckin’ told you Buck’s sleeping you shitbag.”

Brock grunted, dizzily trying to pull himself up, “You’re the one pushin’ me.”

Leaning against the door frame, Jack could only cross his arms and raise a brow, “Well you were being shitty.”

“Fuck off.” A fist batted at Rollins’ shin and he got a shove back to the floor with his foot. 

Jack shook his head, moving past his friend, “You done being a little bitch so I can turn down the bed?” 

He wasn’t expecting Brock to hurl his whole body into one of his legs, losing his balance mid-stride and crashing to the floor flat on his face with a loud thud, pain blossoming at his chin. 

“Who ya callin’ a bitch now?”

Jack couldn’t help laughing, pressing his shoulder into the wood to twist his upper body so he could shove a hand into Brock’s face, trying to free his leg, “Get off me.”

Rumlow held on for dear life and Jack could hear him _giggling_ about it, tugging at his hair and shaking his leg, “Brock.” 

Jack grabbed at his t-shirt, already ripped at from the fight, managing to pull him off only to get shoved. Narrowing his eyes he shoved Brock back, wrestling about on the floor trying to overpower him and calm his stupid ass down. Brock only kept at it, grinning away as they rolled into the bedside table and the lamp fell onto his back.

“Ow, Jesus Christ!”

“What I tell you about shutting up?” Jack grunted out in their struggle, getting Brock into a headlock and pinning him on his stomach.

Struggling to get his face out of Rollins armpit, Brock bit down onto the soft flesh of Jack’s upper arm and got a hard backhand to the face before Rollins rolled off him, pushing him away. 

“Fucking dick,” Jack lifted his sleeve, “ _I’m bleeding_!”

“Shh, Buck’s sleepin'.” Brock parroted back at him.

They looked over at the back of the couch, toes sitting still and evidently Bucky slept through the whole thing.

Laid out against their backs on the floor trying to catch their breath, Brock scrubbed a hand over his face before he whipped it against Jack’s arm one last time, ignoring the throbbing in his knuckles.

“Rawls.”

Jack closed his eyes, resting a palm against his heart comfortably not in any mood to move, “What?”

“How come you never kissed me? Didn’t even tell me you liked fellas.”

Eyes immediately snapped open and Rollins glanced over in Brock’s direction. Brock wasn’t even looking at him only staring contemplatively up at the ceiling and Jack proceeded to give a glare towards the couch where Bucky was asleep not that he really meant anything by it.

“How drunk are you still? I know you ain’t high no more.”

Ignoring him through half sleepy eyes, Rumlow shrugged, “I mean Buck said you ain’t never kissed a guy and then you kissed some guy you didn’t even wanna really kiss. That’s bullshit, if you wanna see if you like doin’ it you should kiss someone decent.”

Jack finally turned his head to fully look at him, “Brock, you’re not decent. You made hamburger meat out of the faces of two guys.”

His friend nodded, waving the phrase away, closing his eyes like he was trying to focus on his words, “You fuckin’ know wha’ I mean. Someone you trust jus to see, ain’t gotta mean nothin'. You just put your first time in somethin’ with some guy you ain’t even ‘terested in.”

The smirk across his face couldn’t be helped, Brock was always trying to save him from things, Jack was the older one out of the both of them but Brock always acted like he was. 

“It ain’t no skin off my nose who I kissed to see if I like guys Brock. ‘Sides, like I’m gonna come on over to you and ask if you wanna make out so I can see if I like ‘em.” 

Brock said nothing, Jack watching his eyes fully close and he wasn’t sure if his friend was asleep or not. He watched him swallow before he opened his eyes slowly still looking up at the ceiling instead of at him.

Pausing, Jack lightly prodded him in the ribs, “Why, you wanna make out with me Brock?” 

He watched Brock fold his arms over his chest, his face degrading into a scowl, “No, I was just sayin’ thin’s.”

“Sounds real specific for it to be just _things_.”

Rumlow let out a huff of his breath, “Forget it then.”

It was too late though, Jack was intrigued if anything. Rolling over to press against Brock’s side to get a really good look at him, snug warm with a wry grin and his hand tucked against his head to hold it up, “You’re the one that brought it up. Wanna kiss me Rumlow? Is that it? Got a crush on your best friend huh?”

He jabbed at him and Rollins knew it was the equivalent of poking at a hornets nest but he loved it, flying punches and all.

Brock slapped at his hand, “Quit it, too tired.”

Rollins pinched Rumlow’s cheek hard so it hurt, leaving a red mark as he snorted at him, pulling himself to sit up and head to bed.

“Gonna leave me 'ere?”

Jack ignored him, pulling off his shirt and Brock grunted as he got up and stumbled over stopping just beside his friend fixing his gaze on a red blotch across his lower back, lightly poking it, “What ‘appened?” 

Making a confused sound, he looked back to where Brock was touching, shrugging a shoulder, “Musta been in the scuffle, or from you trying to attack me, I don’t know.”

He felt Brock’s hand drop away only to slap him hard handed on the spot, his face turning in abrupt shock watching Rumlow start laughing like an idiot and falling over himself on the bed covers.

“What the hell is wrong with you?”

Brock only laughed away harder without a care, Jack shaking his head rubbing the spot as he went and changed out of his clothes, throwing a pair of Brock’s own bed clothes hard into his stupid face, “Fucking change your dirty clothes asshole!”

He watched Brock still laughing and struggling to roll over to collect his clothes, feet still sprawled on the floor, back pressed against the mattress. Eventually gravity took over and he slid off, still laughing about God knows what.

“Prick.” Rollins muttered out, climbing into bed and facing his back to him.

  


It was the moment he stepped into Tony’s office that something was off, the room was suddenly thick with tension and he could feel it pressing around him especially with the serious way Tony was looking at him, his features said relaxed, open but his shoulders stiff and too tight leaning against the front end of his desk. Steve felt like he stepped into an ambush.

“Tony? What’s wrong?” 

He turned around retrieving a white envelope, holding it out for Steve to take. Warily he did, looking at Tony for answers before he carefully opened the flap at the top pulling out neatly folded papers and scanning them carefully. It only took Steve a second to realize what he was looking at, tearing his eyes away to look at Tony in shock, “Where the hell did you get these?!”

Tony shook his head, “I never got them, they were mailed or dropped off for me. Rhodey intercepted them, it’s his job to go through the mail. He brought them to me as soon as he read what was on them. I don’t know where they came from, it’s not like I want this kind of stuff. It’s just making me look like I set this all up but another thing, you sure he’s telling you the truth about everything?”

Steve shook his head holding up the long envelope after tucking the paperwork back into it, “This is his business, it’s not my business.”

“Yeah well, this just isn’t _his_ business.”

Tony went around to the drawer in his desk pulling out something from a manilla envelope, swallowing thickly as he tossed a crystal disc case onto the desk watching the way it innocently slid in front of Steve, "What is this then?"

"What's what? A disc Tony?"

He folded his arms over his chest, gesturing with a tilt of his head at the laptop sitting at the end of the desk, "Play it."

Steve frowned, sliding it into the laptop at the corner of the desk watching it auto play and they were suddenly back at the Halloween party again looking at himself and Bucky talking when he was running away from Loki. He was trying to figure out the point, eyes dancing over the screen until he wasn’t, watching the keg run unfolding and staring at himself cage Bucky in against the wall. 

He didn’t realize how intense he was there, Bucky reaching up and pressing fingers to his toy badge easily recalling what Bucky said to him. Playful, maybe a little flirty because it was what Bucky did. It switched to the scene of him jumping Ward and then the aftermath, a knot tightening in his stomach and the air escaping his lungs when it showed him and Bucky much too close. He remembered the conversation then as well, how they were talking about how ridiculous it was that Bucky was thanking him for being a friend. He couldn't exactly remember what he was feeling, he wanted to hold Bucky, correct him by pointing out it was himself that should be so lucky. 

There watching it though, it looked like they were about to kiss and then off camera Sam snapped them out and they were apart, the clip stopping.

He had forgotten about the cameras. Cameras that where so much a part of his life when he was here that he tended to forget about them. So much so he forgot that they would extend to anything Tony touched especially a party he would throw while everyone was monitored for their safety. A team that was there led by James Rhodes himself and Rhodey was always there to make sure Tony was protected even if it was going to hurt him. How could he have let himself be so damn stupid to forget about cameras? How could he have let his feelings get in the way like that and hurt someone he loved?

He looked back at Tony, staring at eyes penetrating into him like he was trying to read his body language through the whole viewing and he didn’t blame him if he was.

"Tony, we were just talking.."

"That doesn't even _look_ like talking and I can see by your face you didn't think so either."

Steve could hear how hard Tony was trying to keep himself calm. His boyfriend was brash, impulsive. A temper that went like a match to gasoline. This was him trying and Steve had no idea if it was bad or good this way. 

He could only shake his head, raking his fingers through his hair, "Tony, it was nothing! I swear. We were just talking quietly, that's all believe me."

Tony walked back around the desk and leaned his back against it again, his cheeks pinking and soft brown eyes darkening as he was staring at him, "I do believe you, that's the thing but do I see something else there? Yeah I do and you need to explain to me what the hell that is Steve because you can't keep telling me it's nothing, it's obviously not nothing!"

Steve looked at him, earnest and raw, not prepared to admit how he felt because there was no grounds for it. There was no reason he would even choose Bucky. Tony would have exploded and started on another tangent about Bucky being a bad person and Steve would have been forced to defend him which would have made everything worse anyway. He had no intention to go after Bucky, it was Tony he wanted. 

He opened his hands helplessly but couldn’t think of what exactly he could say that would look less incriminating aside from what he’s always said.

Tony took Steve's internal dialogue as a means to not speak, his mouth pressed firm and tight. 

"Steve I saw you pull Barnes into your lap at the bookstore those couple of days before the party, what the hell was that?"

Shaking his head Steve dropped down on one of the leather chairs leaning his head back against it, "I had a nightmare about ma. Those ones I was having where everyone blamed me for it. I’m glad at least Bucky was there this time around and he made sure I- "

He suddenly froze, realizing what he was saying, what it seemed like, the look on Tony's face showed exactly what he feared it sounded like, his boyfriend's features growing sharp and hurt, pain in his eyes dulling browns blinking away the glassy look crossing over them.

Steve raised his hands desperately, "Tony. Tony it's not how it sounds you know he sleeps over.."

Tony's eyes stared hard at him, mouth twisted in a grimace, eyes shining almost like he was looking through him, "Not on the couch like you made me think is it? Tell me exactly where he sleeps Steve, I wanna hear it from your mouth."

Steve felt his heart racing, he didn't dare step towards Tony knowing he wouldn't accept anything from him the way he was stiffened and backed into the desk more, Steve's throat tightening and he felt like he could barely breathe. He impulsively reached for him ignoring his better judgment and his boyfriend only recoiled further away, a corner of his mouth showing a cringe of discomfort.

"Tony _please_."

"How close Steve.” His voice trembled, attempting to still sound steady, calm but it was uneasy and rising. Nothing seemed to be working to keep him at bay, feeling an angry tremble rise through him before he snapped at the silence, “Answer it Steve! It's a damn simple question!"

Steve couldn't look at him, those eyes glaring at him upset and confused.

"He sleeps beside me in my bed." Steve whispered out, ashamed and hoping for some chance that Tony didn’t hear him, didn’t want to and no one would be hurt.

"Get out."

"Tony- "

Tony only lunged at him, palms shoving into Steve's shoulder to push him out of the chair he was sitting in, "Get out you sanctimonious hypocrite!”

He struck solid shoulder angrily, punching and striking out blindly, “Don’t you even think about defending yourself, sitting all high and fucking mighty talking to me like _I’m the asshole. Me_! Everything I did was for you, looked out for you and you’ve been sleeping with _him_!”

Steve managed to scramble to his feet trying his best to deflect wild and angry fists, grabbing at Tony’s hands to keep him from shoving him again, "Tony! Tony, I swear to you I never slept with him! I swear! I've never done anything with him, I promise you Sweetheart I'd never hurt you like that."

Eyes already red rimmed and on the brink of spilling tears all Tony could do was step away, panting heavily and he couldn’t stop shaking, the disappointment clear across his face. He needed to distance himself before he did something he would regret.

"You're doing it already..”

He shook his head and turning his back to him. He gripped the edge of his desk so hard he knew it was hurting but he needed something, anything to keep him together forcing himself to swallow down the thick dull sensation clawing inside his throat. He avoided the pain in blue eyes that were like the perfect sky. He remembered the day he saw them the first time, the day he saw them every other day after that. They were eyes he would never forget even when he closed his own to sleep. The way they stared at him when they were between the sheets together. How sweet and _blue_ when they said I love you. He always thought those eyes were just for him. Never in a million years did he think those eyes would want someone else.

“Get out.”

“Tony..”

“Steve, if I turn around and you’re not out of this room I swear to God I’ll throw you out this window and this is me being rational!” His voice softened, shaking hands skimming across the desk surface, “I can’t look at you right now. Please leave.”

Steve’s lower lip trembled, pain affixed across his face his hand itching to reach for Tony but he drew back instead, hesitating and looking back one last time before he left.

 

Clint was partially snoring away cuddling with Bucky under a nest of blankets while they tried to breathe under trapped air and watch Netflix on his laptop. Bucky quietly sipped a mug of hot chocolate while they were semi watching another scary movie, half the time Bucky trying to keep Clint awake and his big meaty ass thigh from squishing his penis. 

Bucky jabbed him again in the shoulder, arms locked around Bucky’s waist and face pressed into his ribs on top of one leg tossed over him, “I swear if you’re not going to watch this with me I’m throwing you off the bed.”

Barton only grumbled something under his breath and snuggled in _tighter_ which was rude because Bucky never asked if he wanted to cuddle he asked for movies and cuddles, Clint was not holding up his side of half the agreement.

Lucky abruptly hopped off the bed and bounded out of the room, keys sounding at the door before they opened, “Guys?! I brought some leftovers from work!”

Magically Clint woke up, wiggling out of bed and thundering down the hall, hair standing up on end feet sliding across the floor before he hit the stairs, pajama pants hanging half off his butt.

“Clint hide your shame!”

Jumping at the sudden appearance of some zombie in a cellar, he abruptly slapped the laptop closed with a frown, nudging it away with his leg. He picked up his phone scrolling through text messages and alerts. A few from friends but none from Steve. 

He chewed away at his lip, opening up their conversation to look at the last time they spoke, a few text messages sent from him not even seen yet. Thinking for a moment he tapped at the side of the phone not sure what he should do.

Calling Sam was a last resort. He didn’t want to bother the man but he was worried, peeking out at the evening clouds in the sky through curtains before he laid down on his bed watching Puiule swimming about, bright eyes and alert, scales glimmering against soft lamp light nothing like he was the day Bucky took him home.

“Hello? Bucky?”

Bucky snapped out of his head, blinking a few times, “Sam. Hey I’m sorry to be bothering you but have you heard from Steve? I keep calling him but it goes to voice mail, I um..I don’t know I feel worried, should I be worried? I’m at Nat’s but now I’m wondering if he’s okay. Then I was like well he might be doing stuff with Stark right? It’s just that he never usually turns his phone off, it’s been a couple hours and I don’t know, you know what? I’m sorry for bothering you, this was stupid. I’m sorry.”

There was a few beats before Sam sounded like he was scratching his face with a hand, stubble catching against his trimmed nails, “Don’t say sorry. You’re worried, I get it and maybe you have a sixth sense on Steve.”

All at once Bucky’s nerves tightened, anxious and worried, “What?”

“He probably has his phone turned off to sleep, he was here a while ago but I dropped him off back home. He and Tony had a fight, the guy kicked him out and he was pretty upset. They’re both upset.”

“Oh,” Was all Bucky could really say, frowning against the phone. 

There was nothing he could do if Steve didn’t want him there not that he was sure he _should_ be there in the first place. He gave back his key anyway even if Sam was holding on to it, he had still given it back. It was the right thing for the both of them. 

He felt hollow, unhappy. The heel of his palm pressed down along his thigh, curling his fingers in to form a loose fist against his pant leg, they both sat there in silence and Bucky decided he should go. 

“Well if you see him tomorrow, tell him..I well, nevermind. I’ll see him when I see him.” He didn’t know why that felt so depressing.

“Bucky.”

“Yeah?”

“You wanna do me a favor?”

Bucky frowned, the corners of his mouth curving downward gently, “What?”

“I don’t think he’s sleeping and if I know my boy, he’s probably drinking in the dark listening to sad music. Will you go check on him for me?”

Bucky was shaking his head before he could even open his mouth, “Sam, if you couldn’t do it, there’s no way I can. You and him- ”

“You got something about you Vanilla Ice. You just don’t know it and I’d sleep much better knowing I did all I could to cheer him up.”

“What makes you think me showing up will cheer him up?”

“That’s the thing, I don’t but at least I tried out all my options right?”

“I suppose so.”

He still wasn’t sure if he should or not. Steve hadn’t even called him, wouldn’t that be what he would do if he even wanted to see him? But then again, a part of him wanted to see if he was okay and at least try for Sam because he had a good idea of what could help and it wouldn’t hurt, right?

Unless Steve told him get lost, that would hurt. 

Bucky sighed to himself, getting up to change.

 

Bucky let himself in, already worried because the door was left unlocked and that was never a good thing. He found Steve slumped on the couch, his head tilting back as he drank some more from his glass only illuminated by one lone side lamp and soft blues playing.

“Steve?”

For a long moment he didn’t answer. Bucky gently let the door close and shuffled off his shoes. The blond tilted his head to to sounds but otherwise looked back towards the television which wasn’t even playing anything, set to his AV channel sitting before a blue screen. 

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, Buck.” Steve’s voice was dry and low, it sounded wounded. 

Bucky made his way to the couch, sitting beside him, the coffee table holding a half bottle of whiskey and a small dish of ice partially wading in water. He declined Steve’s offer for a drink from his glass, turning to face his friend with a curious gaze. “What happened?”

A large frown appeared across Steve’s face, his dulled eyes staring off. He shrugged helplessly, “Tony and I had a fight. At least I think it’s a fight, he doesn’t wanna talk to me right now, kicked me out. Said he couldn’t look at me.”

Biting down on his lower lip, Bucky wasn’t sure he wanted to know the answer taking a long breath before moving a little closer, his leg touching Steve’s, “About?”

Steve released a short curt laugh drinking down the rest of the whiskey in hand and that was all the brunette had to know. 

He dropped his head, not knowing exactly what to say. He tucked his legs underneath him, his palms running over the fabric of his jeans, “I’m sorry.”

Steve grunted under his breath, pulling himself up. He snatched the bottle of whiskey and swayed slightly as he walked into the kitchen. “No! No Buck, don’t say sorry. He’s the asshole in this. You don’t have to apologize about nothing. _Nothing_.”

He watched him chug down as much of the alcohol as he could before he stopped to take a breath, hand sloppily wiping his mouth in a stupor. Bucky sighed, Steve didn’t look to be completely stupid yet but he seemed pretty pleased with the level he was at. He got himself to his feet, moving towards the kitchen. His hand wrapped around the neck of the bottle. “You need to stop drinking for the night.”

Steve’s brows creased, pulling the bottle back, “N-no, I wanna drink some more.”

Bucky tugged back, “I know it sounds like a great idea but Steve, you love him. Don’t get stupid drunk because you’re mad at him or he’s mad at you. It’s nothing, you’ll both be okay. You should enjoy hanging out with a nerd like me instead of soaking in your own misery.”

Steve’s sudden release of the bottle caused Bucky to step back into the counters and suddenly Steve caged him in, both hands pressed against the counter top, his arms at either side of his body. Confused, Bucky looked at him, feeling Steve press in closer. “You know how many women he’s slept around with back in the day, Buck?”

His breath reeked of whiskey, his nose stinging to the smell of it. Bucky had to ignore the wonderful way it felt to have Steve so close, leaning back a little. “Steve stop this.”

The blond only leaned in closer, “Way too fucking many. You know what I did sometimes back a long time ago? I- I’ve never told anyone before, Buck. Never. I’d always check those local gossip pages, you know the one. Once in a while I’d see him with some girl- ”

Bucky frowned, putting the bottle aside, “Don’t do this to yourself Steve. Come on, you need some rest.”

Steve’s hands abruptly moved to grip Bucky’s upper arms roughly, hot sour breath rolling across the brunette’s face, “No! He did this to me! I fucking love him you’re right! I do fucking love him but he thinks with all of what he did before, I know I was okay with it but I don’t think I was! That’s my fault but even so, he thinks me and you..”

His eyes rolled back at the idea, letting go, his body stumbling back as he laughed. His hand gesturing towards Bucky then to himself. Bucky released the breath he was holding, easing his back off from against the counter, watching the laughter quickly shift to sadness, glossy red eyes staring back at him.

“Steve..”

He snapped his head up to look at Bucky, bloodshot and sad, “Buck, I love him. I _love_ him so much.”

Sympathy crept over Bucky’s face, nodding with him, “I know you do, I know you love him with all your heart.”

He nodded back to his friend, eyes glassy and moist. A soft pained sound seemed to creep out of his throat, barely there as he stepped towards Bucky again and touching him, heavy large hands dragging down Bucky’s sides like he was trying to be affectionate but had trouble doing it. Bucky softly rested his hands on Steve’s forearms, gently smiling at him and Steve could only smile back. 

“And you Bucky, _you_. I love you Buck, I love _you_ with all my heart. You’re my best friend and so is Sam, I don’t know why he hates us bein’ friends when.." 

He leaned in with a burdened sigh bumping their foreheads together with a dull _slap_ and Bucky didn’t notice, cautiously watching Steve smile while he closed his eyes as if lost in his own head.

At first Bucky wasn’t sure if he was still going to continue what he wanted to say, a soft hum escaping the blond, air passing between them.

“..All I want to do is love you..you know that right?” He whispered it so softly, like he hoped Bucky believed him.

Bucky gripped Steve’s arms tighter feeling thick strong fingers pressing into his ribs and all he did was close his eyes feeling the tears silently fall down his face as he nodded against his forehead, “Yeah, I know Stevie. I know.” 

He wasn’t sure if he hated those words coming out of Steve’s mouth or not, scalding him as he swallowed down the lump that formed in his throat unsure of a lot right then. When Steve abruptly tore himself back to the other side of the kitchen, Bucky ducked his head and brushed the heel of his hand quickly across his cheeks. 

He watched Steve collect the bottle off the counter and drink from it like he had said nothing a second ago with an absent sway. He knew, he knew so well how Steve meant the sentiment, like he meant it with his friends, he loved him with all his heart like a _friend_ hell even as though he was family but he still couldn’t stop the way his heart raced underneath his lightly flushed skin, his mind trying to quell the breathing that had picked up.

Thoughts couldn’t help straying to the idea of Steve loving him like he loved Tony, he knew it was stupid and it would never happen but sometimes it was okay to think like that just for a second. A fraction of that just to feel what was perfect.

Steve was on the move again once he clamored through his kitchen for more alcohol and Bucky stayed hovered around him as he tried his best to keep him in a calm mood. He watched as he bumped and knocked into things left and right while marching through the living room as he ranted repeatedly about his grievances with his boyfriend and swung his arms freely about, going back into the kitchen in a random route then turning back out again. He worked through almost another bottle of whiskey before sliding down against the kitchen cabinets in a heap, tears overtaking him and all Bucky could do was kneel down between his legs, resting back on his heels as he pulled Steve into his chest holding his head carefully as he rocked him letting him know everything was going to be okay again. 

A few hours had passed when Steve lifted his head off and he looked at him, “I’m sorry Buck.”

Bucky smiled, “It’s okay Stevie. Maybe we should get you to bed huh?”

Shaking his head, Steve was easy to coax to his feet even if he didn’t want anything to do with resting. Bucky managed to push him into the bedroom, dragging and pulling him while he whined and protested.

“Buck not tired, _Bucky_ ,” He yawned, pawing and trying to struggle but his feet were in their own world as well and Bucky pressed him at the side of the bed giving him a push to lay back, arms grabbing a hold of him and pulling him down in the struggle with Steve ending over him.

He grinned wide, peering down trying to get a proper look, “Hey Buck.”

Bucky lightly patted his shoulder, his legs splayed against the floor, Steve’s upper body pressing him down, “Hey big guy gotta move off me.”

“No,” He pouted, holding tighter to him with his face burying into his neck, “Comfortable.”

“How the hell are you comfortable with your feet off the bed and on the floor?”

“Bucky’s comfortable.” He muttered, yawning tiredly.

“No, Bucky’s not comfortable. Bucky’s gonna have a sore back if you keep me bent like this with my ass hanging off the bed.” He griped out.

“Hmm?” 

Steve raised his head tiredly, moving it to the side then to the other side like he was trying to get his bearings before Bucky suddenly felt his ass get groped, yelping out in surprise, immediately punching Steve in the shoulder.

“Stop grabbing my ass! Get up!”

Steve grinned stupidly, giving it one more squeeze before rolling off him and sliding to the floor in a tumble pressing his face against the wood flooring, “I like your butt, it’s soft and squishable.”

Bucky glared at him, moving to turn down Steve’s bed, “I swear, you’re so lucky you’re drunk right now.”

Glancing up at Bucky trying to blink into focus, Steve frowned in confusion, “Why?”

“Because oh I dunno, you’re touching my butt like it’s a toy.”

Steve’s brows furrowed in thought, pulling himself to sit up albeit very shakily. He steadied himself on his knees, slowly shuffling around to face the mattress watching Bucky sit on his knees on the bed and move the pillows to the center. He thought long and hard for a second, face blotchy and red, sweat across his forehead glancing at Bucky’s butt one more time before he reached over and squeezed it again like he was testing the theory, getting an instant slap on his hand.

“Stop grabbing my ass you fucking pervert! God dammit I have no idea if your octopus mode is worse than your ass grabbing. I’m here trying to make everything nice for you and you’re being a dick.”

Steve only pouted, cradling his hand like he was burnt and Bucky looked back at him, turning to sit down with a raised brow, “Don’t tell me you’re going to be upset I slapped your hand.”

“Buck.”

He sighed, “What?”

Steve climbed onto the bed beside him, wounded hand long forgotten, pulling Bucky’s back against this chest and into a tight hug, “I love you so much.”

“Yeah I know Steve just like you love the toaster or whatever inanimate object you were professing your love to earlier.”

“Will you sleep with me?”

“No, I’m sleeping on the couch tonight especially with your ass grabbing. I don’t wanna be dry humped while you’re half asleep.”

Steve made whiny noise, pressing his chin onto Bucky’s shoulder, “Buckbuck..”

Bucky raised a finger at him, “Don’t even Buckbuck me. I can’t sleep here Stevie while you’re like this, it’s not right.”

Humming softly Steve wrapped his arms around Bucky, loose and comfortable, snuggling into him with his eyes closed. Bucky sighed, patting his arm gently holding out for Steve to fall asleep.

“Bucky?”

“Hm?”

“Can I tell you a secret?”

“Yeah shoot.”

“I like your butt a lot.”

Bucky laughed, he couldn’t help himself. Shaking his head, he reached a hand behind him softly petting Steve’s hair, “Go to sleep Stevie.”

“Buck..”

“Yes?”

“Do you like my butt?”

He grinned, “Yes, I love your butt but I love your tits more.”

Steve gasped behind him and fell back against the bed. Bucky turned over, amusement across his face, “Now sleep.”

“Lay down?”

“I’ll lay with you but I can’t sleep here Stevie, okay?”

He made a small noise of complain but nodded, hugging the pillow tight against his head, “Can we cuddle at least?”

“I dunno..”

“Too late!” He shouted with a burst of energy rolling himself onto Bucky practically knocking the wind out of him, pinned down by over two hundred pounds of drunk Steve in puppy mode.

Bucky sighed, arms over his head and at least those were free, peering at Steve smiling down goofily at him, “Hi.”

“Hi, we can’t stay like this you know.”

Steve only pouted, dropping his head against Bucky’s chest, “You’re soft and lumpy though!”

Bucky tried hard not to laugh, not wanting to encourage him, “Thanks, I love being called lumpy.”

Looking up, Steve shimmied up a bit, Bucky praying he didn’t get kneed in the balls or anything of that nature.

“Buck, you smell nice,” He dropped his face and sniffed his t-shirt along his shoulder, “It’s like mint!”

“You’re so _weird_ Rogers, that’s my shampoo.”

He smiled, lifting his head up, hovering over Bucky’s face and it was unnerving and enticing all at once.

“Steve, you gotta- ”

Steve dropped his head forward and Bucky winced, bracing for an awkward drunk kiss he really did not want, instead there was a slight pain when he felt Steve’s forehead smack audibly against his, grinning like an idiot as he mostly went cross eyed to stare at him. It took a few seconds for Bucky to look back, warm alcohol breath dancing against his mouth, his hands gently pressing to Steve’s shoulders to draw him back a bit and give their faces some much needed space, “Gotta stay like this if you wanna be here Steve, I’m sorry.”

Eyes dimmed, Steve making a face like he was trying to understand but it was too difficult, giving up entirely soon after. 

He moved his arm with minor struggles, fingers brushing at brown hair, “Bucky?”

“Hm?”

“What are you thinking?”

They stared at each other, Steve had slight trouble keeping his head still but Bucky had his attention and he couldn’t help bring his own hand up to gently stroke his hair to the side, the back of his knuckles grazing along his cheek, “Vreau sa te sarut.”

A soft audible gasp slipped out from his friend and Bucky had no idea how attractive it was to him, staring at Steve’s blue eyes widening a little and fumbling like he was at a loss for words. 

His hand stilled in Bucky’s hair, curling fingers in just a little and nodding to him dumbly, “Yes.”

Bucky tilted his head, petting the underside of Steve’s chin with his index, “Yes what?”

“Whatever you said. Yes. Yes, you can have it. Yes.”

A small laugh slipped out of him shoving Steve off him now that he was distracted, wrapping him up in his blanket, “Bed Steve. Come on.”

Despite muffled protests of the contrary, Bucky didn’t have long to wait before he heard snoring beside him and smiled a little as he watched fondly. Fingers reached out and traced Steve’s face like Bucky was memorizing it trying to keep his smile across his lips even if the moment felt bittersweet. He drew the pad of his finger down Steve’s nose and along his upper lip, hot breath pushing against his palm and he felt his face warm to it, heat curling past his t-shirt and along his face until it settled itself at his ears. He was as gentle as he could be so not to disturb Steve though he was sure he wouldn’t, letting his thumb graze along cheekbone and quietly telling him he was beautiful. 

Listening to him breathe, Bucky’s smile slowly faded away, a gentle frown revealing itself instead as he lost himself in his head. 

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me Steve. Don’t know why I can’t say no like I ain’t got any will power around you or something. I’m sorry for everything I do wrong,” He dipped his head away like he was trying to shy from his friend so he wouldn’t see the tears he couldn’t help even if Bucky knew he didn’t have to. He rested the side of his head against Steve’s shoulder, a palm cupping his cheek, “I wish I could leave you alone so you didn’t hurt like this, so I wouldn’t upset Tony. Sometimes I wish there were things I could change so I didn’t end up being such a waste of space, I never meant to be a failure. I never meant to need you..”

Steve slept on and all Bucky could do was soothe the sudden angry furrow of his brows with his fingertips pressing a kiss there instead giving blond hair one last brush through with a light touch of his fingers before he climbed out of his bed and went to sleep on the couch.

  


Steve stocked away the last few glasses, glancing over at Natasha shaking her head at her phone before tucking it away in her pocket.

“Whats up?”

She shook her head, picking up a cloth and spray bottle to wipe down the tables, “Nothing, Bucky just needs to get picked up but he asked an hour ago and I missed it on my phone. I tried to call him but it just goes to voice mail now.”

He smiled softly as he turned off all the outside lights and locked the front door, “He seemed to be getting pretty drunk. Do you want me to go get him for you?”

Shaking her head, Natasha moved to the next table, knocking some stray potato chips onto the floor to sweep up after, “No, you have a lot on your plate right now. I’ll go find him.”

Moving towards the booth he sat down glancing at her, “It’s almost one in the morning and you’re going to go searching for him? Look, there was nothing but silence and emptiness waiting for me at home when I got back from Sam’s after the fight and what did I do? I drank and cried. I know he’s just angry, I’m not that subtle apparently and I never even planned to be subtle, I never planned for any of this. If I could I would give back my feelings and emotions over Bucky in a heartbeat. I don’t want him, I want Tony. I know Tony won’t hear those words because he’s upset, I- I get that but I don’t want to go back home and have a repeat of last night before Bucky showed up and the idea of you going out there wherever there is, doesn’t sound right if I’m willing to do it for you.” 

Nat brushed a hand over his as she moved to the next table, “This isn’t the first time I had to go pick up Bucky from somewhere while he was drunk. He’s not your responsibility.”

“And he’s not yours either.” He shot back. 

On the plus side he would get to see Bucky, reciprocate the way Bucky took care of him. He wanted to do that on top of avoiding being alone for the night, say thank you for being there for him not that Bucky was even waiting around for that. He took his leave before Steve could even muster himself out of bed in the morning, Sam there instead cooking him breakfast and letting him know Bucky had to leave for something. As it wasn’t Monday Steve had a gnawing feeling Bucky only wanted to get out of his hair which was the complete opposite of what he really wished was happening.

Natasha flashed him the _look_ and shook her head, pulling her phone out to type something out before his phone chimed and he opened it up, “That’s the address, have fun.”

There was something about Natasha looking a little way too amused that he should have paid more attention to except that he didn’t. Not until his cab driver was pulling up to a strip club with florescent pink lights in the shape of a girl bent low against a pole and the name flashing underneath in blue A line of well dressed gentlemen stared at him gawking while they were all having a smoke. He was on the phone calling Nat immediately.

“Yes?”

“You..gave me the right address, right?”

“It’s a strip club Rogers, so unless you got lost, I did.”

Steve could hear Clint snickering in the background and he closed his eyes momentarily, “You could’ve told me I was heading to a strip club Natasha.”

“And rob you of your surprise? I would never,” He could hear the clear amusement in her voice. “Besides you were the one all white knighting about keeping me safe and going to get Bucky, was that all for show?”

“Of course not. Just, it’s not a big deal I just wish you had given me some sort of warning. Not trying to sound like a prude- ”

“But you are sounding like one.”

He definitely was not a prude.

“Goodnight Nat.”

“Have fun Steve.”

They hung up and his phone chimed to a new text, Bucky sending him a random garbled message of letters and he wasn't sure what to make of it considering only a few minutes ago he was texting him about phone sex. Scrolling his finger across the screen to read back to it.

_**Buckywucky:**_ Stevie  
_**Steve:**_ Yes?  
_**Buckywucky:**_ heyyy, Stevie  
_**Steve:**_ Hey Bucky  
_**Buckywucky:**_ too many twinkies  
_**Steve:**_ What? When? Right now? On a dare or just hungry?  
_**Buckywucky:**_ wanna have phone sex?  
_**Steve:**_ On a scale of 1-10 how drunk are you?  
_**Buckywucky:**_ 48 think orrr 11d6t  
_**Steve:**_ I’m coming to pick you up.  
_**Buckywucky:**_ kk

Steve sighed, entering through the front past cliched velvet ropes and two large burly bouncers eyeing him suspiciously before he went in. The entry way sat dimly lit with a girl in a low cut sequined dress smiled sweetly at him behind a counter for checking coats. He gave her a polite nod before he moved further in and was instantly greeted with a long stage surrounded by various classes of men and woman, three girls dancing at different sides. 

The dark walls of the club basked themselves with deep shades of red and pink glittering lights sweeping along slow and playful like the show. Loud sexy dance music pumped out through the speakers and all he could smell was various levels of fruits scents, alcohol and stale sweat. A waitress brushed past him with a smile in a black short dress and garters, he smiled back before looking around for wherever Bucky could be. He gave up after a few minutes making his way to the bar catching the bartender with a nod. 

The girl walked over and Steve was pondering how her breasts weren’t bursting out of the extremely low cut and tight red bodycon dress, “What can I get you Hotstuff? Wait are you the new dancer they hired for the cop act, _please_ tell me you are.”

Steve blushed furiously, shaking his head. He sifted through his pictures, holding an image of Bucky wearing a goofy grin on his face, “I’m looking for my friend, have you seen him?”

The server leaned over the bar to take a look, her face immediately brightening with a grin, “That’s Bucky! Yeah, he’s in one of the private rooms with Johnny and Bunny, erm room ten, take the stairs up.”

Steve swallowed thickly handing her a five for her help, he turned towards the wall of rooms to the side, some drawn with curtains, some not. He saw a leather couch shaped around the back of the booth in each and a round table sitting in the center. Nervousness kicked in as he made his way up the black ironwrought staircase definitely not wanting to open the curtain to find something he didn’t want to see. The mere thought of Johnny touching Bucky was already crawling under his skin. 

He found room ten easily enough, the numbers hung ominously above thick black closed curtains. He exhaled a breath and then drew in a deep one, slowly opening it a little to peek in anxiously.

To Steve’s complete relief Johnny was too busy with his hands on a girl that he assumed was Bunny giving him a lap dance in see thru pink lace panties accompanied with a garter belt attached to white thigh high stockings and her bra was somewhere else entirely. She was draped over him with her head fallen back against his shoulder as her body writhed against his lap while her hands pressed against his to encourage him to touch her body. Bucky was lazily sat sprawled on the padded seating at the other end with a drink in hand just watching with heavy lidded eyes and the missing bra worn over his t-shirt. 

He pulled the curtain back farther stepping in before he closed it again behind him, nodding to the three of them. The table had a couple of opened bottles of champagne and vodka accompanying a mess of crisp dollar bills, a phone playing Type O Negative’s Love You to Death which had an oddly fitting for the mood of the room.

“Steve!”

He gave a small wave, Johnny raising a hand, “Hey Steve! Want me to buy you a lap dance?”

“Hey Buck,” He turned to shake his head at Johnny, “Nah I’m good, thank you."

Bucky smirked up at him patting his thigh, face flushed and hair matted to his forehead, “Gonna give me a lap dance Stevie? 

He shook his head blushing, “I’m your ride home remember? Come on, well after you get that bra off you.”

Steve put a hand out, watching Bucky wiggle his arms out of the straps and set the undergarment on the table before turning back to take his hand, skin warm against Bucky’s as he helped him to get on his feet. Bucky misjudged his balance, toppling himself into Steve’s body, following through casually by sliding his arms around his neck, smiling as his hips swayed to the music fingers stroking blond hair.

“Can I give _you_ a lap dance Stevie? I promise you’ll love it.”

Steve internally screamed and told his dick no, cursing to himself about why he decided this was such a great idea in the first place.

“You should totally let him give you a lap dance Steve, that cute butt rubbing into you, totally worth it.”

Squeezing his eyes shut for a second, Steve counted down down from twenty and _tried_ not to think about Bucky’s ass wiggling in his lap while he got to watch. 

He finally let himself open his eyes, softly brushing hair from off Bucky’s forehead watching his face melt into some serene look of happiness, “Let me take you to Nat’s, okay?”

Bucky nodded pressing in to rest his head on Steve’s shoulder, until he was shaking it, “No.”

“No?”

“No Steve. I ‘anna go to your place.”

He sighed, “You sure I can’t convince you to go to Nat’s?”

Bucky only shook his head vehemently over and over again, his body swaying as he made himself dizzy and Steve tightened his grip on him.

“Alright but we’re going to the diner first so we can sober you up.”

Waving his arm in the air lazily, Bucky nodded and pulled himself back to straighten up, “Whatever, I won don’t care.”

Steve tried not to laugh, throwing an arm around his shoulders, “Come on winner, let’s get you outta here.”

Bucky threw a hand over his shoulder, “Bye Jo, think of me while you touch yourself.”

“You know I always do Buck.” He slurred out. 

Bucky snorted and nodded to Steve, bumping his nose against his jaw, “I know he does, you know we totally had phone sex while I was gone, it was pretty hot. I should have more phone sex, I’m totally gonna call you next time Stevie.”

Steve slid his arm down to wrap firmly around Bucky’s waist and guide him down the stairs safely, Bucky’s fingers curling tight to the back of his black Henley. 

“Let’s _not_ call Steve while drunk for phone sex please, that’s not good. You already texted me earlier and I still don’t know if that was a joke or not.”

“What, you don’t want to hear me touch- ”

“Hey! Here’s the door exit, let’s use it.”

“Bye Bucky!” 

A chorus of waitresses waved towards them by the bar and his face lit up, waving at them, “Bye girls!"

“Who’s the hottie with you?” 

Bucky blinked for a second, messing Steve’s hair, “It’s Stevie!”

“You should bring him in more often, he’s a sight for sore eyes.”

“I hope you’re tapping that!"

Turning his head, Bucky blinked at his friend, “S’old you, you’re hot."

Politely nodding to the girls cat calling him, Steve shook his head with a grin as he guided Bucky, “C’mon, let’s go."

Bucky swayed a little, giving himself a moment to look at the door then nodded, stumbling slightly past two bouncers, steadying himself against one before he managed to step out with Steve following after him and shaking his head to himself.

Outside Bucky turned and nailed himself right into Steve’s chest, stumbling backwards and Steve had to lunge to make sure he got him before he nailed the back of his head on the pavement. 

“Whoa, relax Buck. Take it easy now.”

Bucky smiled, melting into his arms and cuddling close, “Okay Stevie, okay.”

In the cab, he tapped his phone idly, checking it for the thousandth time hoping Tony would call. He kept leaving messages and texts that never went answered and Sam as well as Natasha suggested to give Tony some space. He looked over at Bucky pressing his head back and panting softly, face flushed as he rubbed his eyes. 

“You alright Buck?"

He nodded back in return, giving him a smile, “I’m sorry you had to get me Steve. I’m sorry." 

Steve nodded to him, fastening on his own seatbelt, “Hey, I wasn’t doing anything but moping anyway. This is fine, I told Nat I’d come get you."

Gazing at Steve warm and sweet, street lights brushed along the sweat collected across Bucky’s forehead. He was quiet for the longest time and Steve looked back at his phone again. 

“I’m sorry.”

Glancing over curiously, Steve looked to see Bucky staring out the window again. He rolled it down despite it being bitingly cool outside, their breaths pluming in the night air before the new cab arrived. Steve reached over, lightly patting Bucky’s hand, “You have nothing to be sorry about Buck.”

They were good like that, Bucky humming off key to the music playing on the radio and curling at the corner of his side of the back seat against the door with his hand out the window. Steve casually asked the driver to lock the doors just to be extra careful and they were content like that until something came on and Bucky wanted to take his singing out the window. Steve was sending another text as he heard rustling beside him and by the time he looked up Bucky was half hanging out the window and yell singing. 

“Bucky!”

Steve reached over and hooked his index finger against the belt loop of his jeans, yanking him back inside and wincing to the soft thud of Bucky’s head bumping against the door frame. 

“Ow.” He let out in a soft whimper, brows curling in. 

“Shit,” Steve pulled him over, cradling his hand and cupping a hand over where Bucky’s was, “I’m sorry, I didn’t want you falling out. Are you okay?”

Keeping his head ducked, Bucky only warily nodded, a minuscule sound of pain slipping out. Steve felt horrible, undoing his seatbelt to move so he was in the middle and cupping Bucky’s face softly to tilt his head so they were looking at each other.

“Move your hand okay? Let me see?”

Watery grey eyes stared back at him, moving his hand hesitatingly. Steve lightly pressed at the side of his head just past his temple feeling the warmth but the area was dry at least, “You’re okay, you might get a little bit of a bump but no bleeding. I’m sorry I wasn’t paying attention.”

Bucky only shrugged, using the roll of his shoulders to shift himself closer, pressing his face into the crook of Steve's neck. “Steve?” 

“Hm?”

He stayed quiet for a moment, breath tickling Steve's neck, making every hair at the back of his neck stand up. “I think I'm drunk.”

“I think so too, Buck,” Steve said with a smile, resting a hand on the back of his head.

“M'sleepy and hungry.” 

“Which one do you want more?”

Bucky shrugged against him, rubbing his stubble against Steve’s skin, “Both m’thinkin’.”

“How about we get to the diner and you tell me if you still want to go inside okay?”

He felt Bucky nod to him, breathing slow against his chest. He drifted off into sleep and then was awake again, roaming through both actions as their ride carried on. By the time they did stop at the cafe Bucky was staring at the welcoming twinkle of Christmas lights and he smiled at them, trying to open the door before whimpering out in frustration. Steve couldn’t help a laugh, paying the driver and holding him by the arm so he didn’t fall out when it was magically unlocked again. 

“I guess it’s coffee and food.”

“Christmas lights!”

Steve shuffled out as he laughed, tucking a hand at the small of Bucky’s back just in case, “Yeah, which reminds me we have to decorate my apartment if you still wanna do that.”

“Yes!” Bucky abruptly turned in his arms and wrapped his own around Steve’s neck, grinning excitedly, “Please Steve, wait for me.”

Bumping his forehead against Bucky’s softly before he drew back and guided them inside, he nodded, “Of course, always."

Bucky sank into the booth, his body half laying across the seats, his feet hanging out. Steve sat down at the other side ordering two cups of coffee. 

“How are you feeling Buck?”

Bucky straightened up, watching Steve for a moment, “Good I think, is that Christmas music?”

Steve smiled gently, “I think so.”

“Can we listen to it at your place?"

“Let’s get you a little sobered up first huh?"

Bucky look at him in drunken disapproval, his head lolling back against the seat staring up at the ceiling in boredom. The waitress came back, resting two cups down on the table surface, pouring out coffee for them before disappearing again. Bucky moved his head forward, blinking a few times. He pulled the sugar jar towards himself, pouring what looked like an ample amount of unmeasured sugar into his cup, fumbling with a handful of individual milk containers. He propped an elbow on the table top, his cheek pressing into his half fist while his free hand sloppily mixed the concoction with a spoon. Steve smirked at the scene, Bucky’s half open eyes staring with concentration but also with a listless detachment. He himself added some milk and sugar, watching the dark roast transfer to a gentle brown. 

Bucky finally raised the mug to his lips, cringing at the flavor, “So sweet.”

Steve couldn’t help but silently laugh, “You added your own sugar.”

The brunette crinkled his forehead behind the mug, taking another calculated sip. His brows shifted to submission, taking a third sip. 

Steve flagged down the waitress and ordered some fries, taking a slow sip of his coffee. “How you holding up Buck?”

Bucky’s muddled blue eyes looked across the table towards the blond, his face pressed firmly into his propped hand. He shook his cup showing Steve he had finished it off already, “Need s’more.”

Steve broke out in laughter, “I thought it was too sweet?”

Bucky grinned tiredly, “I lied. S’more Coffee!” His arm shot up with his cup as he yelled the last bit of his comment, a different waitress giving the male a disapproving look while she made her way across the room with the coffee pot. Steve smiled at the frazzled looking woman, “I’m sorry. He’s just drunk, I’m trying to get him a little sobered up.”

The woman met her eyes with his, immediately brightening at him, Bucky’s head lifting off his hand, his mug pushing impatiently towards the pot, “Hey lady, stop s’looking at Steve like a piece of s’meat. Coffee.”

Steve couldn’t help but laugh softly again, his eyes looking apologetically at the woman who turned to look at Bucky for a long moment while she poured him his coffee. Bucky’s features lit up, sliding the cup back to him, repeating what he had done to the last cup. The woman looked back at Steve, a blush on her face after he mouthed a thank you. She nodded with a wink and left. 

A few minutes passed, their original server arriving with a basket of fries, Bucky eying it like it had been the Lost City of Atlantis, “Where’d this, Steve! Fries!”

Steve nodded, grabbing one for himself, “Figured you would be hungry. Eat up.”

By the time they made it to his apartment, Bucky was more aware of himself and less uninhibited, complaining about how much he had drunk instead of offering to give him lap dances. Steve watched him stumble through the door, more because he was trying to rub his eyes to the flick of the desk light.

“Ugh I have no idea if I’m still drunk or if I’m still sober.”

Steve laughed lightly, shrugging off his jacket, “You seem like you’re in the middle which is better than offering me a lap dance.”

“Shit really?”

He made a small confirming sound as he moved towards the kitchen, “Want something to drink?”

“Water please, think I had my coffee quota at the diner."

Music started up with the slow quiet tempo of an ongoing thrum of a bass string creeping into every crevice of Bucky’s body. Steve picked up one of the waters from his fridge and paused at the door to stare at Bucky nod his head, his full bottom lip disappearing between teeth, eyes closed to relish in the beat. His hair fanned down over his forehead as he bowed it forward, a soft bob going along drawing distinctly with the beat of the music, hands pressed against the stereo system with his fingers tapping. His shoulders were going next as they moved with movement of his head and Steve watched the music flow down Bucky’s spine and to hips that came alive on their own short sways that Steve wholeheartedly appreciated. He tried to look away, a piece of him feeling like a dirty voyeur for watching especially because it looked like Bucky just lost himself away in his own private world, like he was relishing something nice and allowing himself that little indulgence; Steve really felt like he was looking at something much too private. 

He went about with what he was doing, bringing the water over for Bucky with a clearing of his throat. Bucky turned and was startled, wide soft ashy blue eyes staring at him and he had a happy glow about him. All Steve could do was smile in admiration watching him exaggerate his head nods like he was trying to turn it into a joke.

Steve gave him a small smirk, setting down the water on the table, moving to take Bucky’s hands in his. He felt the beat flow in between them, swinging both their arms from side to side playfully and Bucky let his eyes close again lost in the tune like it was taking him away to a wonderful new place again, Steve couldn’t help enjoying that a lot now that he seemed to be invited in. He drew a hand gently away, twirling him around before returning back to their starting position just enjoying the company he was in.

And he was just content to watch him dance, holding on to delicate fingers as hips swirled and moved with the perfect drunk grace Bucky seemed to hold like he did to the air from Steve’s lungs. He watched the careless being before him, fixated to how at ease Bucky was when he gave in, free and unshackled from all the things that held him down just for this tiny moment, cheeks softened and lips turned up at the corners. Steve could never really explain how he saw Bucky to anyone or even to himself, eyes staring at something so delicate even if he knew it was untrue to an extent as there were so many layers to it’s meaning and Bucky personified so many of them. Bucky hummed to himself, playfully twirling himself again before he dropped backwards and Steve deftly shifted to tuck a hand at the small of Bucky’s back to follow through and dip him.

Long lashes fluttered open, peering up in curious surprise and Steve smiled down fondly as he pulled him back to his feet, “You almost fell.”

Bucky only stared at him like he was holding something back behind his eyes, “Maybe. Or I did and you just don’t know.”

Before Steve could even ask what that meant, Bucky stepped into his space resting his arm across one broad shoulder and cupping his palm against the back of Steve’s neck tucking his chin against his forearm. Slipping his other hand out of Steve’s hold to press their palms together as he lazily swayed his hips to the music.

Steve kept his hand tucked at the small of Bucky’s back feeling out the soft movement of his body as he let him silently lead while he simply followed. It was so easy to immerse himself in, taking the chance to run away from pain, quirking one corner of his mouth up to the feel of Bucky pressed flush against him and actually feeling out the slow beat of his heart. He slid fingers between Bucky’s holding his hand while turning the both of them in a lazy circle just like his dream except that this seemed better, just dancing with no assumptions and only watched by the early morning night sky and bathed in low soft light. 

 

First thing Steve noticed was baking supplies spread throughout the kitchen and the smell of cupcakes baking, the second thing was the sound of bare feet bouncing along the floor to Take On Me.

“Bucky?”

He knew it would only be him, considering the voice singing along. He followed the tune down the hall to his bedroom, leaning against the door frame with his arms folded over his chest when he saw Bucky dancing around in front of the bed in only blue boxers with some cartoon animal all over them. He watched him throw his head back and sing over his head, his hips rocking from side to side with his shoulders, one of his hands set in place before his mouth to hold an imaginary microphone while his other hand was balled into a tight fist hitting the steady one two beat to keep it all in line. Steve couldn’t help but bring a hand over his mouth to stifle a laugh not wanting to interrupt the performance.

Bucky whirled around abruptly, freezing when he saw Steve smiling at him in amusement. There was something about it, something Bucky just didn’t want to take away even though he was standing like an idiot, the music still blasting away behind him and suddenly he smirked, pointing at him with narrowed eyes like he was being challenged. 

He pushed his lips together and made an exaggerated duck face before he laughed at the confused expression Steve gave back. Picking up on the beat, Bucky goofily swayed crooked arms from side to side and snapped his fingers while his hips pivoted to the music looking way too much like he was doing the Carlton dance and Steve had no clue if it was better or worse that he was in his underwear stepping across the smooth floor to get to him as Bucky picked up the lyrics again.

“ _So needless to say, I'm odds and ends but I'm me stumbling away, slowly learning that life is okay.._ ” He uncrossed Steve’s arms and swung them with his, “ _Say after me.._ ”

Steve laughed, pushing his own arms around Bucky’s back to hug him, pinning the brunette’s arms behind him, " _It's no better to be safe than sorry.._."

Bucky laughed, crinkling his nose a little after a moment, “Wow you smell really bad.”

Chuckling Steve nodded as he let go turning to pull out some clothes from his drawer, “Yeah put in a little extra this morning, didn’t know I was going to get a floor show before I took a shower though, thanks for that.”

That snapped Bucky into the realization of standing around in his underwear, blushing furiously as he turned around to pull his t-shirt on, “Sorry! I just had no key and I didn’t know how long you were gonna be so started baking since Sam wanted some cupcakes and then I took a shower to get that drunk haze feeling off me and when I got out A-ha was playing and I guess we should both be glad I wasn’t naked huh?”

Making a noise in agreement, Steve left the room to go take a shower coming out later just to find Bucky still without pants on hovering over cupcakes cooling on a wire rack as he filled a piping bag with chocolate frosting.

“Smells good.”

He glanced over with a grin, “Sorry for taking over your kitchen, I had nothing better to do and I figured I could make those cupcakes Sam wanted like I mentioned since all the supplies were here anyway.”

Steve only lifted his hands, shaking his head, “Do whatever you want, your cupcakes mean I get cupcakes and I was pretty sure I wasn’t such a fan until you made them.” 

Bucky watching him park himself down on the couch, “Well I’ll make sure I put one away for you then.”

“Only one?”

“Maybe two.”

“Make it five.”

“Steve..five?”

“Take it or leave it.”

“Remember when you puked at the Cyclone for eating too much junk food..?”

“Five Buck.”

“Five bucks what?”

“ _Five_.”

Bucky grinned, “Alright Rogers, deal. Five cupcakes for you.”

Finishing off a batch and setting another one in the oven, Steve watched Bucky walk over from the corner of his eye with a box of cereal under his arm and a bowl in his hand trying to eat a spoonful. He smoothed out the program book in his lap that was sitting on the table in an envelope, glancing up only to be locked onto long legs stepped over his outstretched ones because for some reason Bucky thought it was a great idea to walk around still in boxers and the cartoon animals on them turned out to be little sleeping panda bears and the really baggy black t-shirt that up close Steve realized was his. He wasn’t even thinking when he pulled him over to get him to sit. 

Taken off course, Bucky spun on the heel of one foot, crashing in a heap beside Steve and jostled enough for the milk to spill off the side of the bowl and onto Steve’s lap, cheerios and ice cold milk seeping through his sweatpants and underwear.

"Bucky!"

Bucky narrowed his eyes, shooting a look at him before he took another spoonful, "You pulled me!"

Steve watched legs prop up against the coffee table wearing bear paw slippers and Steve just felt so conflicted on how he was feeling at the moment.

"I gotta go change. Again." He muttered out, passing the small booklet over and pulling himself up after gathering soggy cereal into his palm while Bucky watched with a humored expression.

When he came back, Bucky was reading through a page as he was helping himself to a second bowl, handing it back, “This party is going to be balls.”

Steve settled in and flipped casually through the program booklet, “I think it’s going to be fun, I enjoy them I mean if Tony calls that is.”

Snorting, Bucky elbowed him watching something on TV, “He will, what exactly does he hate about me now?”

He wasn’t sure he wanted to answer him truthfully especially when Bucky wasn’t wearing pants, it was just..weird. Instead he slapped the thick few pages closed and held it up in the air while turning to really look at him, “You didn’t tell me you were in the bachelor auction.”

He shrugged tossing the remote aside, not lifting his eyes away from some random episode of Jackass he found because it’s Bucky and well, it’s Bucky, “I said I didn’t wanna go on some overpriced date, my parents overrode what I wanted. Said it’s for charity like I’d believe that line but them overriding me I just can’t do much about.”

Steve pursed his lips, “Yeah, you can. By saying no.”

This time he did look up, lips curled up in a frown, “Yeah okay live in my shoes for a week and let me know. Who knows maybe some rich daddy will pass off his pretty debutante daughter on me and will wanna go jet skiing in Egypt or something random like that.”

“Are they also fixing you up with a date?” Steve stole the box to grab a handful of dry cereal.

“Nah, I said it wouldn’t look good if I was in the auction. I got a low key date anyway, just can’t be coming in with him on my arm.”

“Who?”

“Bachelor number two.”

Steve opened the small book again and knew the answer before he even rechecked the men listed, Johnny grinning back at him cheerily and he wanted to toss the stupid thing into the trash. Steve wondered if he was every going to escape the guy, “Bucky go put on some pants.”

“What? Don’t like my pandas?”

He gave him a sharp look, “Buck.”

Rolling his eyes, Bucky finished off the milk in his bowl and went to take it and the cereal back into the kitchen, “Fine, fine. Just jealous of my thighs.”

Steve tried to miss the way Bucky swayed his hips as he walked, his very own t-shirt betraying him as it sat bunched up around the waist from sitting down, Bucky’s boxers stretched tight over his ass and even with cute cartoon pandas it didn’t stop the bad thoughts™.

He prayed to God for strength.

When Bucky had come back with sweat pants on he went to deal with the new batch of cupcakes that were out cooling, humming away while he brought one of the completed treats over, “Now I only owe you four.”

Steve took it but not without giving him a glare, “ _Fine_.”

He watched him go back into the kitchen, unwrapping the paper and taking a bite realizing ‘orgasm in your mouth’ was still a very specific and very accurate description, consuming the whole thing in seconds. 

Steve sat staring at the TV blankly for the longest time not knowing exactly when that nagging sensation came back reminding him about the papers Tony gave him not sure how to even give them back without Bucky getting upset or if there was a way of finding out about what exactly happened. As he said to Tony, it was Bucky’s business and his alone but still..

Bucky fell down on the couch beside him in a heap, dropping his head back with a tired yawn, “Oh God I’m yawning already maybe I should have stayed in bed.”

Getting up, Steve shuffled to head to the bedroom, “Buck, don’t freak out.”

“Huh?”

He didn’t know how to go about it so he just went for it, leaving Bucky waiting in confusion which was far from what he wanted but he had to get the air cleared up before it ate him alive. Going into his bedroom he came back holding the papers in his hands, features tense and unsure Bucky watching him curiously.

“Steve?”

He looked up, tightening his fingers around the sheets, “Remember when we first met in August after so long and just started talking and then you said you were visiting family out of town or something?”

Bucky raised his brows in surprise, nodding and flashing a smile, “Yeah, we were sending stupid pictures back and forth. I remember.” 

He watched Steve sit down beside him, facing him like he was ready to begin some sort of reality show intervention, holding out the sheets, “Did you really go see family or did you go to a psychiatric facility?”

Smile fading, Bucky took the papers and unfurled them, looking over the first few lines before his brows shifted from surprise to mild anger, “Wait..are you stalking me or something?”

Eyes widening, Steve held up his hands in surrender, “No! I would never do that. They were sent to Tony, Rhodey intercepted it and gave them to Tony and Tony showed them to me I guess to give them back to you.”

Carefully, like he was trying to remove himself out of the situation, Bucky held the paperwork to his chest as he moved off the couch in a slow agile way backing up until he was behind the arm to buffer himself.

“What else did he say?”

Steve shook his head, “Nothing, he was just saying to give you the- ”

“Steve!”

The blond snapped his head up a little, alert and picking up the blurring line of anxiousness and panic lacing Bucky’s raised tone of voice. 

“He really didn’t say anything about that, he was more using it as an excuse to address that if you lied about this that you could possibly be lying about other things. It bothers him how close we’ve gotten in such a short time, he’s been trying to show me that maybe you aren’t completely honest in who you are.”

Steve watched the papers trembling in Bucky’s hands, trying to raise a hand carefully a little above his waist attempting to calm his friend down, “It wasn’t like I believed his point of saying you’re lying about things, and it doesn’t matter if he did or not. He wouldn’t have done anything about it to hurt you, I think it was sent to him in _hopes_ he would use it against you but Tony isn’t like that, he would never stoop so low. He just wanted to give them back or have me destroy them, he just doesn’t trust you but he doesn’t know you though.” 

Glancing back over the papers, Bucky began tearing them up tiny little pieces, “Well Stark will be disappointed. I never tried to kill myself, it was a mistake. Remember at the hospital I told you this wasn’t the first time? The first time it happened was the reason I was sent to the facility. They put me on suicide watch, sent me to Dr. Potts. Froze my inheritance so that I can’t withdraw from it for business ventures or anything they think is stupid but I got credit cards to rack up bills with if I so choose of course that means they can keep watch of that.”

Bucky leaned back against the wall behind him, folding his arms over his chest as he sighed lightly, “There was an in house doctor there I had to meet with every day, he was the one who referred me to Dr. Potts. After the mandatory week or whatever was over he said he was satisfied that I wasn’t trying to kill myself but because of my actions at the time they found me he recommended I see someone and here we are.” 

Steve had quietly inched across the couch as he listened, staring up at the brunette, “What happened the first time?”

Bucky drew in a slow breath, “I drank, I took my pills just like last time. I decided to take a bath, you can guess what happened. I was just trying to relax, I couldn’t sleep for a couple days from all the nightmares and panic attacks. I wasn’t thinking straight.”

“..And you could have drowned Buck. You could have _died_ , again. How are you so casual about this?”

Bucky could barely hold back the wince picking up the pain in Steve’s voice, “Because what happened, happened. If I got hit by a car tomorrow I would get hit by a car. I wouldn’t be able to stop that outcome, it would just happen. God wouldn’t come out from the clouds and scoop me up saying ‘whoa Buck watch yourself’, I would just be dead, people die every damn day Steve.” 

Steve’s heart ached, “I don’t want you to die.”

Bucky smiled lightly, “Well good thing I don’t have any plans on dying.”

“I’m just worried about you. I just want to know you're okay.”

“Of course I’m okay, I’m alive aren't I?”

Steve rose up off the couch and stepped close, lightly pressing a finger against his chest, "I meant in there."

Bucky looked at him long and hard for a moment, seeing the worn thin worry lines across his forehead and just barely there around his eyes, his mouth tensing just slightly as if he prepared for another backlash and that he was used to getting that when he said he worried. Maybe because it was true, he knew there were more than a few times Steve outright said he was worried about him, and then those times where he didn’t need to but his voice gave him away or even those texts that casually asked where he was. 

The impulse to bat his hand away shifted to pressing his own over Steve’s, tugging him just slightly but it was what he needed, the blond moving chest to chest. Steve followed him everywhere like Bucky held an invisible string to him, it was rather beautiful in a way if only..

Steve stared at him as Bucky looked back into his eyes with that smile, the smile that always got Steve, the shy and small and precious one full of so much of that sweetness Bucky seemed to bleed as he sighed out softly.

“You worry too much, Rogers.”

Steve opened his mouth to say something but Bucky quickly shook his head, pulling him into his arms, hugging him tightly. A defeated sigh escaped the slightly taller male, giving up on saying something back, accepting the hug instead. His arms trapped Bucky in, firm and endless, implications like he was afraid of letting go and losing him again.

The silence sat endless between them, a sigh tangling into brown hair, “I need you.”

Bucky smiling affectionately against Steve’s shoulder tightening their hug, “I need you too you big ape.”

Fingers grasped into his hair, dragging through heavy and slow.

“We’re not going to sing Kumbaya or something, are we?”

Steve ignored him, his mouth turning up in a slight curve.

The cupcakes were packed and ready to go, Steve offering to ride around and drop them off and Bucky accepted it until they got to their last destination and then dread coiled up inside his stomach not sure if this was a good idea.

“We can’t be here too long, well you can’t. We’ll just say hi and get out of here. I don’t want any more trouble.”

Steve nodded, “Agreed.”

They both climbed off his bike and made their way towards the front double doors, one opening to Charles looking out and he smiled lightly, Steve not able to help that _that_ was a feat in itself probably because Bucky was one of the only people that could make him do it. 

When Bucky moved to step inside, Charles put his hand out, tilting his head back inside then back to Bucky, “He’s home from his business trip early Master Barnes.”

Steve saw eyes shift to him, Bucky staring away blankly before he nodded to Charles, resting the container in the man’s hands, “This is for you and Imogen. We just came to drop it off, tell her I said hi.”

“Who’s at the door Charles?”

Heavy shoes hit the marble in short quick steps and Charles looked from Bucky’s still gaze to Steve everyone frozen in place because even if they took off to leave he’d still know Bucky was there especially with Steve.

“Charles?” 

George stopped at the door looking from their butler to Bucky standing quiet and stiff and then past him to Steve.

“Well, this is a surprise. I didn’t know I would be seeing you here Mr. Rogers, my son seems to have forgotten his manners in letting me know when he’s bringing guests over.”

Bucky’s demeanor immediately changed, his head dropping, “I’m sorry, I..I um..”

“You didn’t think I was going to be home, did you James?”

Bucky gave him a quick shake of his head, clasping his hands together and Steve tensed up, he could _feel_ the whole environment suddenly shifting to an uncomfortable toxic level. 

“James, come inside. We need to talk in private.” 

Steve stood awkwardly outside barely hearing a string of sharp Romanian coming from Mr. Barnes and small lapses of silence where he assumed Bucky was answering. At some point it converted to English and something pressed at Steve a level of emotion he couldn’t quite hold back when he heard Bucky’s shaky voice rise. He stepped towards the door frame and Charles looked at him a moment barely lifting his hand to tell him to stay where he was at now and Steve paused, their voices echoing through the space a bit louder now that he was inside more.

“I didn’t bring him here to do anything, I just wanted to drop something off, he gave me a ride. I’m sorry.”

“A ride? I don’t know what’s wrong with you lately. You have many cars to choose from, you have a driver, the multiple charges for taxi services and you want me to believe he just offered you a _ride_?” 

Bucky helplessly raised his hands trying to diffuse the situation, especially the implications his father was throwing around about sneaking Steve about. 

He tried to take his father’s hands but they were only pulled away in frustration, “Do you think this is all a joke James?!”

His face reddened, shaking his head desperately, “No. I just wasn’t thinking, I thought you weren’t going to be home and we made something to drop off and I’m sorry I brought Steve I wasn’t thinking how it would look if anyone else saw. I didn’t mean to.”

Bucky made another attempt to take his father’s hand, to calm him down before things escalated while Steve was leaning in by the front. With the way he had been commenting on other people treating him, he wasn’t entirely sure even with his father’s tact, that this would be a good thing for anyone involved.

The gesture to diffuse the situation only seemed to irritate his father more and he moved his hand away again from Bucky’s, face flushed red and disappointed, glaring coldly at him, “Disrespecting me in my own home with the one person I asked you to stay away from!"

The hit came before Bucky could even register what happened, he stepped towards his father in one last ditch attempt to quiet him down so they could really do this without Steve around. All he could understand then were rings, he wore his rings, his lip was stinging and he stumbled backwards in surprise, foot tripping over the other against the carpet and it sent him down on the floor. Pain shot through his elbow as his palm clutched at the warm spot on his face and everything looked like they were all in the wrong angles. Bucky blinked a few times, reestablishing everything and trying to blink through minor pain. He looked up and he wished he hit his head, scrambling and lurching up to his feet in reaction.

"No!" 

Steve's hand wrapped around George Barnes' arm with an iron grip. Bucky pushed Steve off, his eyes ignoring the look of betrayal as he turned his whole body to face his father, "I'm sorry, everything was an accident. Like I said we were baking. I was trying to drop the food off before you got home, I'm sorry!"

George pulled the sleeve up on his suit jacket revealing an angry red mark around his wrist, grasping painfully at the nape of Bucky’s neck to make sure he was looking at it, fingers pinching in and Steve watched in horror as Bucky tensed and immediately went rigid to the action, his shoulders bunching up attempting to hide a sound of discomfort.

George raised his arm up at his son furiously, only inches from his face, "Is this what you're bringing into my home James?!"

"You hit him!" Steve roared back angrily from behind Bucky, stepping forward before feeling Charles grasp his arm firmly with a shake of his head.

He bowed his head in so only Steve would hear, "Master Rogers, you will only make it worse for him if you continue, please calm yourself."

Steve's eyes turned from Charles to Bucky softly saying something low and smiling gently even with the blood staining at the cut on his lip doing his best to talk his father down with gentle words between them, hand loosing off the back of his neck. He knew the man was right, the intensity melting away quickly and giving Charles a quick nod.

"I'm sorry Mr. Barnes. I didn't know what I was thinking, if you could accept my apologies." He grit his teeth, wanting to remove each and every word he had just spewed out, feeling the bile rise in his throat. This wasn’t right, not at all but all he had on his mind was Bucky's safety. 

George pulled away from Bucky, fixing his suit, "Apology accepted for now Mr. Rogers, I know James has a way of convincing people he's a damsel in distress when he's far from it. Loves the attention, you know."

Steve wanted to wipe the smirk off his face, his eyes shifting to focus on Bucky just standing there with his head down instead, arms folded over his chest and walls going up as he shut himself down. Still, he wondered why he was forgiven so quickly, he was sure George Barnes was the type to throw someone off his property if he disliked them without a second look.

"You both should possibly take your leave, I would like to get back to unwinding in my own home.” 

Bucky turned and started walking outside, Steve uncomfortably following after him.

"Oh, give Mr. Stark my warmest regards."

Steve glanced back over his shoulder and nodded, walking faster towards Bucky. He finally understood. He was protected unintentionally by his boyfriend's status, he sighed inwardly knowing he was walking a thin line in so many ways.

 

When they finally stopped in the garage, Bucky pulled off the bike quickly removing his helmet off and going straight for the stairwell for the elevator. Steve scrambled to go after him, finally grabbing his arm at the doorway, “Did I do something wrong?”

He shrugged his arm off, moving through the small area to hit the button to call the elevator. Steve’s eyes immediately went to the marks at the back of his neck, “No..”

“Bucky, talk to me..”

He turned on him so quickly Steve had to take a step back, grey blue eyes dark and ablaze, one lone finger jabbing into his chest, “You raised your hand at my father, my _father_! Are you stupid or suicidal Steve?!”

Steve was frozen where he stood, staring at the anger mixed with what he couldn’t tell was something else entirely in his eyes. Bucky’s lips pressed so thin they were barely a soft pink, but soon his face softened slightly, index finger shifting away and a palm replaced there instead, gentle and light.

“Why did you do that? He’ll destroy you if he wants to do that.”

“He _hit_ you, Bucky.”

Hesitantly Steve moved forward a little, opening it up for Bucky to move away if he wanted to. Bucky only gazed at him, softening the angry expression he was wearing out into nothing. Steve moved his hand to brush his thumb across the swollen corner of Bucky’s lip pulling away his fingers when Bucky drew in a short sharp breath. He gave a small, jerk of a nod that his friend could continue, thumb lightly grazing the tender, warm area carefully.

“He hit you..” Steve let out again, barely a whisper this time only to cement his reason and Bucky dropped his head when the hand drew away.

Steve let his hands drop to his sides, the chime of the elevator echoing off the walls but neither of them moved, Bucky’s own hands nervously slipping into his sleeves, tucking the ends of it into his loose fists.

Steve set his jaw, he understood. He did. But it didn’t matter one way or another.

“I can’t stand around and let someone hurt you. You already know that and I don’t care about my reputation or anything if it means you’re okay. You don't know how much I wanted to attack Grant Ward for baiting you, he wanted you to wear yourself out, he knew exactly what he was doing and because you told me not to touch him I listened but Bucky I wouldn't have stood back if Brock and Jack weren't around. I still want to hurt him for hurting you. I can't stop that feeling.”

He looked up, something burning away in his eyes, “I can take care of myself Steve. Been doing that for a while without you.”

“And no one should be bullied that way Bucky.”

“He’s my _father_ you don’t und- ”

Steve quickly shook his head, hand moving in an erratic jerk between them before he just dropped it, “Don’t even finish that sentence Buck, please don’t because it doesn’t matter whether or not I understand or don’t. _No one_ has the right to lay one damn finger on you.”

“He’s not always like that,” Their eyes met and Steve contemplated saying something but held his tongue, “He really isn’t. He only acts like that when he believes I disobeyed him, which I did."

He watched Bucky’s chin disappear into his chest, looking down so forcefully and Steve felt like he could cry. He moved two fingers to press at the cleft of his chin, gently moving Bucky's head up a little to look at him and stare into his eyes. Sad fearful greys looked back at him, "Even if you did disobey him, do you honestly think you deserve that? Do you actually think that little of yourself?"

Bucky glanced away, shrugging like he was trying to remove himself from the situation and he could easily do so. Steve was doing nothing but touching his chin lightly and Bucky’s instinct to run kicked into full force but he didn’t try and for some reason Steve felt a warmth go through him.

"Yes..sometimes." He finally let out as he folded his arms over his chest, blinking with his brows furrowed and his lips curling into a thoughtful line with his mouth as he looked out at nothing avoiding Steve’s blues.

Steve didn’t know whether to scream or cry over this, instead he coaxed Bucky into him, hold him tightly to his chest his touch heavy and deliberate, palms petting down his back as he nuzzled his face into Bucky’s hair, taking in a deep breath. 

“Listen to me, Bucky please listen to me. I can’t stand and let _anyone_ touch you, I’ll fight them and I won’t hesitate to protect you through thick or thin. I’m sorry I did that, I’m sorry because that’s your father but you’re more important to me than the fact of who he is. I need you to know this, I need you to understand my standing on this. I won’t hesitate to keep you safe from harm.”

Bucky acknowledged what he was saying but he was quiet, sullen in his own head as they moved to take the elevator up. He didn’t look over at him and Steve worried he said too much, he couldn’t help it. He wasn’t sure how much was going on and he could see Bucky wasn’t going to tell him or even if he could even pinpoint every moment he was treated unfairly. It bugged at him that he was sure Bucky would never be accurate because he’d never clearly see every moment it happened.

They pulled off their coats in silence and he watched Bucky stand beside him, unsure of where to move. He fixated on a piece Steve was touching up, propped up in the corner and the weird awkward tension only seemed to stifle them both.

Reaching out, Steve tentatively slipped fingers against Bucky’s hand, his eyes closing in relief when fingers curled around his.

“I wanna tell you to leave them, that we can all help you get a fresh start but I know you won’t.”

Bucky tightened long slender fingers in, still staring at the artwork, “They’re my parents.”

He squeezed gently, “I know.”

“I love them.”

“I know you do.”

He did, he understood even though it rubbed him against the grain. He couldn’t be entirely sure that if his ma was anything like them if he could still walk away from her. There was never a moment for him to feel like he had to, but presented with the idea, he wasn’t completely settled that he could give up on her even if she was at her worst in that way. She couldn’t even walk away from his father, fate just had a way of taking him away from her. He supposed it was better that way anyway. 

He didn’t want to think about that, turning to look at Bucky staring off and he gave him a light nudge, “I could go for a nap, what about you?”

Bucky glanced at him, “Maybe.” 

It didn’t take very long before Bucky’s maybe was a full on yes, curled up fast asleep before Steve even settled in with a book. The book he couldn’t even read and instead spent time to stare at the face that was completely unguarded before him. 

He could feel how broken down Bucky’s resolve was, his need to build that one specific wall away from everyone, that wall he kept down over and over again in case his mother or his father wanted to come in to love him, to nurture him but instead just come in to destroy him and Steve knew all he wanted was for them to love him and take care of him. 

The tears came before Steve even realized it, holding Bucky tightly to him, feeling the brunette curl up into his warmth, softly murmuring off under his breath and snuffling in because he just couldn't help it, his body accepting it because he needed it and it hurt Steve to understand how ugly that was.

Steve found he couldn’t sleep, working on one of his projects instead and he only came back to the bedroom when Bucky hadn’t woken up after a few hours. Apparently Bucky had taking over the entirety of the bed and he could only stare at him asleep sprawled out without a care in the world. 

Bucky had removed his shirt at some point while he was away, his skin almost as white as milk. One arm was rested out across his chest, the other thrown out against the empty space beside him, his head turned to the side, his chin tucked against his arm with lips just slightly apart without a crease of worry across his face. His hair fell to one side with the sunlight bathing futily against his skin and illuminating dark bruises peppering around from the fight. He stretched himself out long like a cat, crisp white sheets wrapped around his legs as his sweatpants dipped below his navel and Steve had to take a second more lost in how picturesque he was more than anything.

He made a grab for one of his sketch books and parked himself at the end corner of the bed beginning to draw out lines. He couldn't help himself and he promised he would show Bucky but right then, he had to work, Bucky still against sheets and absolutely vulnerable. He was beautiful and Steve was in the moment of it.

Steve got himself in a good bit of work before a faint moan alerted him that Bucky was waking up, hand slowly lifting up to rub the sleep from one eye while he yawned loudly and pausing only when he realized Steve was sitting beside him with his sketchbook in his lap. 

He tilted his head forward, “Were you drawing me while I was sleeping?”

Steve smiled sheepishly, holding out the book, “Maybe. You looked really peaceful, I was thinking about doing it in charcoal. I mean if you don’t mind that is.”

Another small yawn escaped Bucky as he pulled it over to look, blinking a few times. Steve turned around to lay out on his back, resting his head against Bucky’s thigh as he looked at the picture with him.

“I gave you free reign like a week ago, it’s like you half listened since you still drew me,” He paused a moment,“Wow Stevie you really think I look like this?”

Rolling his eyes, Steve gave him a simple smile, “Of course I do and you know that I do.” 

Bucky rested the sketch book back against the sheets pressing his cheek against the pillow again, reaching over to play with Steve’s hair, “We still have to talk to my dad.”

Steve tensed up, audibly sighing as he looked away, “No. We don’t.”

“Steve- ”

Snapping his head back to look at him, he adamantly shook his head, “No Buck, _no_. He’s an abusive SOB, I don’t want his help!” 

Bucky watched him sit up abruptly, propping his arms against his thighs and combing fingers into his hair when he dropped it forward, “I don’t need help from a guy that hits you Buck, people like that deserve something awful.”

A pang of sympathy crossed Bucky’s features, pulling himself up to crawl over to Steve and sit behind him, hugging his back against his chest warm and solid as he perched his chin against Steve’s shoulder, “It’s not a common thing he does Stevie..”

Steve frowned, closing his eyes in frustration letting himself take a small intake of air before he opened them again turning carefully and catching Bucky’s chin. He tenderly brushed his thumb along the angry red cut at the side of his bottom lip, “It doesn’t matter if it’s not a common thing, don’t defend him. Once or always, it still happened.”

He stared at sleepy deep grey eyes that danced in hues of deep blue, bare skin pressed against his back and Steve could feel him breathing in slow and soft, every instinct wanting to lean in and press a kiss to his cut his mind cruelly reminding him this was the reason Tony wasn’t speaking to him. He turned his head and stared at his hands instead feeling Bucky return to rest against his shoulder, fingers affectionately stroking through the ends of his hair.

They didn't speak about it again, the both of them eventually moving themselves into the sitting room and Steve tried his best not to think about his date night shot straight to hell and wondering if he could get away with lounging in his bathrobe while watching the Notebook and eating ice cream for dinner. He was pretty sure Bucky would go for the ice cream, not so much on the romantic movie not that he wanted to cry like a baby and lay around in soaked tissues with his best friend there. He did it around both him and Sam already, Bucky didn't need a second helping.

“What’re you laughing at?” Steve asked as he glanced over, Bucky smiling absently at his phone while he typed another message. A second later there was another ping and he snorted softly as his foot absently tapped away at some random tune in his head. His boyfriend was still angry at him, his best friend seemed to be ignoring him. He dropped his head back, staring up at the ceiling. 

“Huh? Sorry texting. What did you say?”

He didn’t even look over, letting his eyes close slowly, “I was asking what you were laughing about.”

“Ohhh, nothing. Jo hurt his back a little, the idiot.”

Steve rolled his eyes under his lids, he wasn't able to help the bitterness he was feeling. He was harboring so much of it he didn't even realize how much easily turning it on the one person who he really hadn’t any right to attack. 

“Oh he's hurt, poor Johnny, what he do get bent in half once too often or something?"

“No, fell off a chair and landed wrong because he was drunk.” Bucky clenched his jaw, abruptly tossing the remote control onto the coffee table that had been perched on his thigh with a loud clatter snapping Steve out of his little look of smugness.

“What?”

“Don’t be a dick Steve.”

“You shit on him half the time yourself and I’m not, he’s just a joke sometimes.”

“You know, I know you’re mad and it’s okay to be mad because you had a fight with Tony and he’s being a dick about me for some reason which you haven’t explained and ignoring you right now but I have no idea what you got against Johnny. He never says anything bad about you, he likes you though who knows why when you talk like that about him. You barely even know the guy and you shit on him, I don't freaking know what's wrong with you Steve. You got this pompous asshole thing going on when it comes to Johnny and I can't deal with it.”

Steve watched Bucky get up through have his rant pacing around the table in frustration, fingers stroking his forehead in thought before he just dropped his arm with a shake of his head stand before him, "Maybe you just don't accept him for being the way he is, I sure as hell know you didn't accept it when you were throwing it in my face."

Steve put a hand up to stop him, “Bucky, no it's not like that- ”

“No, you don't get to talk, I'm talking. He's a decent person. He loves kids, loves them to bits. He gives to so many charities and he goes to the soup kitchen to serve food with his sister. And he's smart! He graduated ESU at the top of his class but you wouldn't know it because you're always shitting on him. He's a good person, maybe you don't get that because you've got your head so far up your ass about disliking him you have to just guess things,” He sighed, staring up at the ceiling, “And I know, _I know_ you have something shitty happening in your life right now and it’s because of me, but he's not some person you can freely dislike, not around me anyway. So what if we fuck around a lot with each other, we like it a lot. If you got some problem with me being casual with him.."

Steve pulled himself off the couch to stand before him, eye to eye, his hands out in a helpless shrug, "Bucky you know it's not like that. I get it, you like him and he's your friend, it's just that he just seems like he makes everything into a joke you know? What if you fall for him? Sleeping with strangers, that's what you do but your constant is him. I just don't want you getting hurt."

Bucky dropped his shoulders, shaking his head, "Steve, you're not making any sense."

"I know Buck, I know I'm not. I'm happy he makes you happy, just worried is all."

"And you shouldn't worry about me."

Steve gripped his arms to get him to look at him, "It's just, he won't love you like- "

He stopped to really think about what he wanted to say, Bucky staring up at him in surprise over his abruptness, eyes a little wide and staring at his face, "Like what Steve?"

He could tell him, he could so easily tell Bucky how much he loved him. He opened his mouth, feeling it drying up and tightening and slowly he let go of him, shaking his head softly, "Like you deserve Buck."

Bucky had no idea what he was expecting at that moment, pulled into the sensation of Steve being so impassioned he was instantly caught up by it; only his words didn't feel like they were what he wanted, suddenly feeling annoyed and irritated as he stepped backwards, a trace of some kind of sour taste in his mouth. 

“Fuck you. You don’t have that right to judge him.” 

He scooped up his bag from off the floor and his jacket, walking over behind the couch to get his shoes on.

Steve dropped his shoulders, watching him in alarm, "Where are you going?"

"Out, I don't wanna be here."

"Buck, c'mon! I don't have anything against either of you doing whatever you both want I just find him a little..cheesy I guess you could say."

Bucky frowned, shaking his head, "I like that he's cheesy, I like that he's not serious. I like that he makes me feel better when no one else can because he's my friend believe it or not."

He unlocked the door, hesitating at the threshold as he turned around to look at him again, “He makes me laugh. I’m not expecting something serious and he doesn’t pressure me in anything like that so there’s no reason to say things like you’re worried about me falling for him and getting hurt. Ever since the day we met, he always managed to make me laugh, that always stuck with me. If you gave him a chance, he’d make you laugh too.”

Watching the door slam closed, Steve pressed his hand against the cabinet with a heavy sigh, pushing his forehead against it. He inhaled deeply, punching the wood frame in anger with his fist, the sound of the material splintering beneath the pressure echoing in his ears.

 

He was early but Johnny answered the door casually smiling as he returned back to his seat on the couch, "So what happened? Have a fight with your boyfriend?”

Bucky gave up trying to correct him, throwing his backpack in the armchair across from him before dropping down beside Johnny.

"He doesn't like you, I just flipped out."

"Of course he doesn't like me," He drank the rest of his beer down, "He's jealous of me Buck."

"No he's not."

Johnny laughed, throwing an arm around him, pulling him closer, "Poor naive Bucky, one day you'll get it."

Bucky only grunted in response.

“So you’re gonna come out with us?”

Shrugging a little, Bucky moved to lay out, draping his legs over Johnny’s lap, “Maybe for a little while I could go but can’t you cancel?”

He moved his toes to gingerly stroke the inside of his friend’s thigh, “We could stay in, your rich pretentious so called _friends_ are kinda shitty, I could make it worth your while Mr. Storm.”

Johnny squirmed, shaking his head helplessly, “Geez Bucky. You’re terrible and here you say I’m bad.”

He pulled himself out from under Bucky’s legs and crawled to drape himself over his friend’s body, planting a kiss against his nose.

“I gotta go, I promised I would but we could do something before if you want?” He expertly undid the button of Bucky’s jeans, closely watching his face as he pulled his zipper down and slid his hand along soft hairless skin before disappearing into his boxer briefs. Johnny listened to the barely there hitch of breath as Bucky quietly stared back at him, eyelids drooping when the hand tightened around his already semi-hard dick.

“I did miss that.”

He couldn’t help the small laugh, Bucky moving to wrap his arms around Johnny’s waist, fingers playfully dipping into the back of his sweatpants, “And not me?”

Johnny smirked, “Maybe a little of you too.”

 

Steve called while Bucky and others were bunched up in a taxi van and by then thanks to Johnny he had cooled down quite a bit. It didn’t hurt that the blond sounded adorable and hot all at once humbly apologizing for how he acted.

“I shouldn’t have said something like that. You’re right, I was upset about Tony ignoring me and I took it out on Johnny.”

“Come out with me Steve.” His voice was almost begging but Bucky managed to restrain himself just enough, Johnny next to him with an arm propped up against the top of the seat, his fingers playing through his hair.

They were headed to one of Johnny’s friends favorite clubs, one that Bucky wasn’t partial to. He had a few haunts he liked but this one was something they all liked, made special because they catered to only the elite. Fast, fun and dirty like all of them.

Steve’s small laugh filled his ears but he already knew with the tone what Steve was going to say, “I can’t Buck, I’m about to go see Tony tonight. He called a little while after you left, said we should do our date night like a real first date and he wants to get past what upset him and he misses me. So I’m kind of just losing my head trying to figure out what to wear right now.”

Bucky shouldn’t have felt angry, but he did anyway, nodding a little to himself, dismayed at the outcome.

“We can go out tomorrow, if you want?”

Bucky leaned back in his seat, “Debauchery is on the menu tonight, not sure what will happen tomorrow my friend. Anyway, it’s good he called you. Gives you two a chance to catch up on the past couple of days and be your old mushy selves again. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Buck- ” 

Bucky didn’t wait. He wasn’t in the mood to pine for Steve, even though he knew the pain in his chest indicated it was already starting, at least a little bit. He tried his best to focus on the now because hell, Steve was going to be off having a good time so why couldn’t he?

He startled when he felt fingers playfully trailing past his hairline and down his spine, glancing at Johnny smiling at him.

“They making nice now?”

Bucky nodded, looking out the window. Lips pressed a small innocent kiss into his cheek, Johnny brushing his nose against Bucky’s cheekbone as a hand softly pet his outer thigh. Bucky smiled a little, cuddling into the affection. 

He followed along when the cab pulled up to a small club, music thumping off through the walls. A group of seven of them skipping the long line of people waiting, the bouncer giving Johnny a gracious smile as he parted to the side and removed the velvet barrier. Bucky hated these clubs, rich kids with nothing better to do than waste money, act like assholes and break rules. He felt like an outsider even if he was one of them, in some ways. 

Through the doors, a number of people immediately greeted Johnny and his entourage, music blasting over numerous speakers and everyone dancing. Within seconds Bucky was downing a couple of shots of imported vodka with Storm’s prissy friends. A waitress in a silver shimmery cut out mini dress and seven inch heels directed them through to the VIP booth that had partially opened veiled curtains making it decently private, for a club at least. A couple of people already there that were other friends of friends, bottles of hard liquor waiting for them and new ones arriving.

Everyone was helping themselves as they all shuffled in, a row of shots lining up for them and Johnny threw an arm around him at his left pressed in and close. One of Johnny’s other friends smiled at Bucky at his right side and he recognized her from a few months back. She was a drop dead gorgeous brown haired siren with hazel eyes. He was pretty sure her name was Sasha. Or Suzie..he wasn’t exactly sure, downing another shot and taking the one Johnny was holding out for him, one of his other friends gesturing to a waitress to bring them some mixed drinks he was rambling off.

 

Bucky felt the phone vibrate against his leg, he hadn’t even realized how much time had slipped from him, sprawled back and too drunk to move as he dug into his pocket to check. It was a message from Steve asking how he was doing that evidently hadn’t been the only one, just the first one he noticed, turning the phone off and sliding it into his pocket, his eyes tired and he felt like he was partially sinking.

Johnny nodding to the beat of the music holding out more shots for him and he took them down, setting them before a mess empty bottles and glasses. Some of Johnny’s entourage had gone into the crowds, he watched everyone in the distance dancing. Steve interfering into his thoughts and he took another shot realizing he still wasn’t wasted enough. Johnny was holding a conversation with one of his friends at his other side and Bucky barely felt a hand stroking into his hair, long nails grazing against his scalp. He reached out to brush his fingers along the fine hairs against Johnny’s jaw piquing his interest in cutting his conversation short to turn and look at Bucky. 

_Maybe it was Stacy? Yeah Stacy._

She was nuzzling against his ear, a hand sliding along his thigh the lazy sleepy haze making him too relaxed to give a shit to anything, his mind shifting to thoughts of Steve and the idea of his hand roaming on him. 

Johnny stared at him curiously, a playful grin across his face, “Need something?”

Stacy was nibbling at his neck and it felt too good as soon as he replaced her with Steve doing it and Bucky couldn’t help smiling back at Johnny, “A distraction.”

Johnny’s eyes flickered to Bucky’s other side, getting the message while a smaller hand undid Bucky’s belt and pants. Everything was dark and secluded in the VIP area, this wasn’t the first time this happened and Bucky knew already how much could be seen and not seen.

He leaned in and Johnny met him halfway happily, kissing him slow and teasing drawing Bucky out while Stacy’s hand roamed over Bucky’s boxers rubbing him gently, her mouth leaving delicate bruises against stubbled skin. 

Bucky navigated one of Johnny’s hands to his own pants, a silent order with a quick tap of fingers to pleasure himself and he obliged as he usually did, the thrill of it pulsing through him as Bucky soon heard the perfect little sounds of the brunette, feeling his body curling in just slightly, face pushed against Bucky’s cheek as Johnny stroked himself inside his jeans. 

Stacy made quick work of everything, pulling Bucky out of his underwear, hard and lost in daydreams about Steve touching him. He licked his lips and pressed his teeth down against his bottom lip shifting his hips a little as he leaned back against the soft leather backrest of the booth they were in. He closed his eyes listening to the helpless drawn out whines and groans Johnny filled into his ears content with not seeing anything and feeling everything so clearly enough. 

Stacy’s mouth closing over his cock, moist heat surrounding him and Bucky couldn’t help but shudder out snaking his arm to hold Johnny close to him. Acting on impulse, he thrust up deeper into her mouth, his free hand pressing into the leather with his strangled moans lost in the pulse of the music, Steve’s name pushed at the tip of his tongue. 

It was fast and not meant to be anything more than straight to the point of pleasing Bucky and he snatched Johnny’s mouth with his for a kiss, fevered and heated. Securing his arm around Storm’s neck, his orgasm rolled through his body, mouths pressed hard enough that he knew they may bruise, lips red and flushed. Johnny came soon after in his boxers, Bucky dropping his head back to settle his racing heartbeat. 

Stacy discreetly tucked him back in, zipping up his jeans and buckled his belt while he absently wondered what level of _friendship_ she had with Johnny. He didn’t know if he just kept her around for reasons similar to his or what but he wasn’t really dwelling on too much allowing the perfect feeling floating around him to settle and let him soak it in without any other bother. She poured out a row of shots, taking one as she handed Bucky two and he handed one over to Johnny pulling him in close to kiss him again, sliding a hand through short shaved hair and gripping whatever he could of it. 

 

Somehow at some point Bucky was outside, he couldn’t recall when and how it happened, it just happened taking a drag from the joint being passed along and leaning against cold brick with a foot pressed against the wall. Johnny was next to him laughing about something and bumping his shoulder into him and he wasn’t much listening as he was staring up at nothing for the most part. 

“You shoulda come out and danced more instead of staying with your friend there, said he was gonna dance and didn’t.” 

Johnny shrugged, “I didn’t wanna and he didn’t either, had a good time though.”

“Woulda been better if you left your boyfriend at home maybe.”

A few murmured laughs went through and Bucky shrugged, “I didn’t wanna come, only came for him. Couldn’t care less about you all.”

Laughing, Johnny could only shrug at one of his friends who looked a little put off by Bucky shooting back. He flicked ashes away, “I like when he comes out, always great.”

Another guy hit his shoulder, “Johnny you like when you’re sucking his dick.”

He nodded, shrugging absently. 

Bucky tensed beside him, sleepy eyes narrowing as he looked across faces, “So what if he is, gonna bitch he’s not sucking you all off?”

Johnny snorted beside him, “Wouldn’t do any of these guys with a ten foot pole, I just hang out with them.”

“I unno, you’ve been pretty wasted, who knows what you’re up for.” Someone else piped up.

Everyone was laughing because apparently it was a joke, Bucky on the other hand didn’t take it as much of one pulling himself off the wall to start walking but not before stepping closer to the one that cracked the comment, trying to keep himself up straight, “Fuck you, you and your stupid club and clothes. Who the fuck dressed you, shitty khaki’s and an ugly striped gold an’ white polo. Complete with a shitty wrist watch betcha don’t even know all the settings for that, got what, three different time zones but you probably can’t tell what the fuck the other two are for do ya?”

The guy paused, eyeing Bucky with an equal amount of drunkenness, “I don’t need to tell the time when I’m fucking your boy into the mattress.”

Bucky looked bored, waiting for the last word out of the man’s mouth before his arms went up and Johnny was all too familiar with boxing positions before a quick jab nailed the guy right in the nose and he stumbled back in surprise, tripping on his own drunk feet, blood pouring down like a faucet all over his nice clothes. 

The male was either too drunk or too embarrassed to say anything, sitting sprawled over wet pavement looking at Bucky like he had no idea that would have been an outcome, another friend helping him up and Johnny tightened his arm around Bucky’s waist smiling in amusement, “You’re such a brute, Buck.”

Glassy eyes turned in his direction, “You mad I hit someone for you?”

“No, just pointing out that you are.”

Bucky shrugged, “Yeah well don’t fucking talk shit and I won’t hit ‘em.”

Johnny chuckled, pressing a kiss against his temple stopping by the doors, “Are you coming back inside?”

“Nah,” He shook his head and rummaging for his phone, “Think I’m gonna call it a night I think I just shit all over your friends, time to get a cab maybe. You gonna be okay? If they say somethin’- ”

“They won’t. Surprisingly they’re not too stupid when they sober up and if they won’t step in when you hit one of them they won’t do nothing when you leave. They talk big but they all got small dicks. You want me to come with?”

Reaching over to brush his thumb along Jo’s bottom lip, Bucky smiled shaking his head, “I’m tired, gonna head to Nat’s. Just have fun and call me in the afternoon.”

Nodding, Johnny pressed a kiss into his thumb and turned to go back in. Bucky waited a few seconds before he dropped his smile a little bit, walking back around to the side of the building everyone gone back inside now. He stared at his phone and pressed call, letting his eyes close nervously. He shouldn’t have hit that guy, he wasn’t sure though. His head wasn’t together. The phone rang for a little bit before it was answered and Bucky hugged his chest, shoulder falling against cool brick.

“Hey.” 

“Buck? You okay? It’s,” He paused, sleep still wrapped around his throat, “It’s almost three in the morning.”

“Can you come get me Steve? Please?”

 

He felt a hand press at the small of his back and Bucky let him, would let him do so much, anything Steve wanted if only he asked for it. 

He almost stumbled at the top step, wobbling forward and arms went around him, his pulse rising to the feel of hot breath against his ear.

“Hey, relax. You’re fine, let me just get your keys out..”

Bucky couldn’t help the giggle fall out of him, squirming around to face him and much too ticklish while fingers skimmed to dig for them in his jeans one arm holding him firmly. 

“Buck, stop moving.”

He hugged Steve’s neck, pressing his face into golden hair, “You smell nice Stevie.”

Blue eyes looked at him, arms circling his waist, “Besides the alcohol, you smell nice too Buck.”

Closing his eyes, Bucky allowed himself to lean back and face up at the cool quiet sky, limp against strong hands for a few precious seconds before he was yanked upright again and met with gentle chuckles. 

“Need to get you in bed, you’re a handful.”

Bucky felt himself shaking his head, a hand reaching up to stroke Steve’s soft hair, “I mean it Stevie, you smell like everything good.”

He could hear him laugh a little, the door finally opening and a single hall light greeting them with Natasha wrapped in a red bathrobe before Lucky eagerly approached. 

“Hey you two.”

“Natasha!” Threw his arms up in the air, turning to hug her tight as she tried to keep him upright.

“Bozhe moi James, you’re getting heavy again. How much did you drink?”

He waved himself off and pulled away, stretching his hand out for Lucky petting into fluffy fur, barely realizing the hand holding firm to his hip, “Just enough to forget about Stevie because I got mad at him.”

Natasha looked at Steve sighing, Bucky kneeling down to wrap his arms around Lucky’s neck, hugging the canine tight, “I love you.”

Steve looked tired, Natasha picking up on his messy hair and wrinkled bedclothes with one arched brow, “He called you?”

Nodding, he glanced over to see if Bucky was paying any attention before shrugging to her and lowering his voice, “He called me from some club, I don’t know what it was. I was sleeping with Tony and he just sounded sad, I couldn’t just say no.”

She frowned, “You could have called me Steve. You could- ”

“I told you, I can’t. You know this.”

The stubborn line of his mouth told Natasha there was no point in dealing with Steve like this, reaching a hand over to brush it through Bucky’s hair, “I’m going back to bed Kotyonok, goodnight.”

He peered up at her, hugging her leg, “G’night.”

Lucky wiggled out of the hold to lick his face causing Bucky to fall back and laugh trying to block the attack of tongue and dog slobber. Two hands slipped under his armpits and yanked him to his feet, a palm swiping around his mouth to get traces of dog off him.

“Maybe stop encouraging Lucky to drool all over your face.”

Bucky smiled, shrugging as he took Steve’s hand and started for the stairs only to be stopped a couple steps up. Steve tugged his arm back and he felt himself move into it, twisting to fall against him.

“Where you taking me Buck?”

Bucky tried to look into Steve’s eyes, “To my room.”

His head was pounding a little, ache hitting him as he watched his friend shake his head, “I should go now that I know you’re safe.”

“Stevie.”

There was a sound, something like a groan or a huff. Large strong fingers ran along the back of Bucky’s hands, “Bucky.”

“Wanna sleep with you in my bed," He rolled his eyes a little like he was trying to think, “..With you.”

Steve glanced up at him standing on the steps, with what Bucky assumed was a humored look, “I figured as much. The bed thing I mean, not the sleeping thing.”

Groaning a little, Bucky shifted down a step so he was only one step taller. He smiled sleepily prodding Steve with two fingers pushed into his shoulder, “Thank you.”

“For?”

“Everything. Everythin’ Stevie, everything. Thank you. You know I punched someone tonight. He was an asshole soz I punched him out.” He swung his fist to show Steve but lost his balance again. He rested an arm against Steve who looked at his hand and made a disappointed sound. Bucky was very familiar with that sound, drunk or not.

“Why you getting into fights Buck?”

Bucky felt himself being led up the stairs while Lucky stood at the top of them waiting eagerly, “I didn’t. He said something dumb and I hit him, he didn’t get up. Serves ‘im right and his dumb outfit!”

“Shh, you’re gonna get Nat coming out here again.”

Once in his bedroom he was too relaxed to change, listening to Steve mumble something about being as lazy as a sloth. He laid back against the sheets with his arms spread out and grinning stupidly while he stared up at the ceiling listening to the clink of his belt buckle being undone. He was soon free of his socks and jeans, tongue wanting to make some dirty comment but he closed his eyes instead, warm comfy sweats wrapping around his legs and around his boxers. He was tugged up to sit, leaning into Steve’s hold to snuggle against him absently hearing him laugh and it only made Bucky smile.

“Arms up Buck.”

Without a hint of grace, arms flew up and out, shirt getting pulled off him and replaced with soft warm flannel. He pulled the sleeve over his hand and rubbed his cheek against it falling back on the bed landing on Lucky who raised his head curiously then rested again. He absently watched Steve pull the blanket back and try to move him under while complaining about him looking smaller than he really was. 

Everything was fuzzy at the edges, eyes trying to fight him as they tried to close over and over again, a wet nose bumped against the back of his neck, fur tickling and body solid behind him. He opened his eyes one more time to stare at Steve and tug his arm in one last attempt before he was done trying watching as he finally gave in with a nod and laid out beside him.

“I can’t stay all night Buck.”

“Just til I sleep, okay?”

“Alright.”

A hand gently smoothed out his hair, it was nice, comforting.

“Buck."

“Hm?"

“Did you do all this because you were mad at me?" 

Bucky rubbed his cheek against the pillow, “Do a lot when I’m mad at you but not all was cuz I was mad.”

“Why then?”

He absently hummed to the fingers dragging along his scalp, “Makes me forget.”

“Bucky..”

Bucky couldn’t help smiling sleepily, too comfortable to open his eyes, “It’s okay Stevie.”

“It’s not okay, it’s self destructive. The drinking, the smoking, the sex with strangers, not eating before..I know you were upset but you’re hurting yourself.”

Furrowing his brows Bucky frowned as he tried to go to sleep, “Dun’ wanna talk about this.”

Steve sighed, pulling him close, “Alright.” 

Bucky felt warm and safe, knuckles brushing softly against the curve of his cheek. He remembered that specifically as he was falling asleep, swaddled in his furry blanket and Steve’s solid body holding him with Lucky closing in the gap. He wasn’t sure about the lips against his forehead or some lullaby he swore Steve was singing but it was nice all the same, curled fingers tightening around the front of his shirt not wanting him to go.

 

Steve wasn’t actually sneaking back into Stark Tower nor did he sneak out. Tony had enough cameras, an AI system that tracked him and a human guard at the entry way to remove that idea away but he felt like he was nonetheless, shedding his clothing in the darkness until he was stripped down to his boxers and sweatpants climbing back into bed beside his dozing boyfriend. He only moved enough to lay out on his back and become situated, almost immediately Tony curled up into his warmth, throwing an arm over his chest. 

A nose softly nuzzled his bicep Tony still mostly asleep, a throat sigh slipping out while his arm tightened over him, “Mmm you smell like mint.”

Steve was instantly feeling terrible, moving his arm to rub Tony’s back so he was drifting back to sleep drawing out an inaudible sigh to himself while watching the odd pattern of lights across the ceiling. He wasn’t sure he could sleep anymore after that revelation trying to understand how deep he was willing to go before everything went sour and before Tony remembered he never wore mint.

It wasn’t even half a day and he left to soothe Bucky; he listened to Tony tell him he didn’t like how Steve looked at his best friend, and asked him if there was something more before they set out for dinner. 

It was less than half a day that even though there was more, Steve made the ultimate choice to keep it to himself because it didn’t matter if all he wanted was Tony. They were both okay with that, they both had to work on things, they both had a lot more to talk about but they had each other. 

He told himself that because it was the truth and they didn’t ruin the evening with anything. It was just them, it was a fresh breath of air after waiting for much too long.

Except that now as he was laying there with Tony, all he could smell was the mint.

 

Waking up in the morning Bucky was sporting a killer hangover with a bad case of cotton mouth but he at least he was alone in bed at the brownstone and a small quiet relief washed over him. He slightly remembered being helped here, eyes catching a second pillow indent and the familiar smell of Steve’s deodorant. It was only a fraction of second before he came to the realization he didn’t actually wake up by choice, and that he was having some amazingly vivid dreams about Steve’s hand finding his way into his pants when they were sleeping. So much so that there was no way he was going to be able to go back to sleep without dealing with it. He was way too drowsy, the dull throb in his skull becoming more prominent but his problem wasn’t going to go away just like that so he just decided to go ahead with it, his hand snaking into his pants to grab a hold of himself. 

He huffed out lightly through his nose as if he was clarifying to himself that he preferred _not_ to jerk off to the idea of his best friend jerking him off even if it was a nice thought to have. He allowed his eyes to close as he remembered bits of pieces of what he had exactly been dreaming about in perfect detail. His own shuttered needy sounds begin filling his ears as he dragged his fingers along precum collecting at his head and stroking it up and down his shaft. 

Thoughts switched to picturing Steve looking absolutely taken apart under him and it was seared so perfectly in his mind, that sight of him that first week. The pain of his headache ebbed away temporarily to bring up more images of accidentally catching Steve naked and remembering every detail of it, everything else selectively removed from that time and only he was there, the pleasure and lust in his eyes and across his flushed face. A surprised shuddered groan slipped past Bucky, arching into his own hand, chewing at the inside of his cheek. Fantasies of his own hand wrapping around Steve’s cock came into play, stroking him slow and torturously pulling out strings of perfect sounds, playing him like an instrument. It was quick and he dropped his other hand against his mouth, biting into flesh to cut out a cry, cumming all over his hand and into the inside of his pants. 

A dizziness washed over him and he shuffled to clean himself up, guilt creeping up inside of him while he changed his clothes. He crawled back in bed after tossing his old blanket and clothes into the hamper, pulling at the spare blanket on the side. He curled up into a ball under the covers feeling ultimately unfulfilled and he could only sigh inwardly, hoping he was going to be able to fall sleep again quickly, fingers grasping at and pulling the second pillow close to his chest, burying his face into it to try and console himself.

_Fuck._

  
Bucky knelt in the sheets before Johnny, shyness taking over as he managed to avoid looking into his friend’s eyes, the bangs of his hair falling over his forehead while he worried his lip. When he couldn’t sleep, he realized he needed a distraction, that distraction came with a name. 

“Jo.”

“Buck.”

Johnny smirked, running a hand over the outside of one of Bucky’s thighs, dark grey colored sweats covering them caressing the curve and tilting his head curiously knowing there was something he wanted to ask for but wasn’t sure how he was going to let it out. Johnny was already naked in front of him, letting Bucky make quick work of his clothes though he couldn’t help adore the way his friend always seemed shy with asking for new things even if really had no reason to.

“You know you can tell me whatever right?”

Bucky nodded, but only hesitated further before he peeked up with a worried glance, “Do you have a blindfold in your bag?”

The tension Johnny didn’t realize he was holding suddenly released, grinning wider than he already was as he turned and crawled across the bed and sprawled himself out on his belly reaching for the backpack he brought in that was leaning by the nightstand.

“Is that it? Of course I got one,” He glanced back over his shoulder giving him a wink before he rummaged through, “Somewhere around here..”

“I wanna wear it.”

“Got it!”

Johnny held it up triumphantly with a black silk tie bunched to it before he realized what Bucky had said, brows furrowing in confusion, “You?”

“Me.”

“Are you sure?"

Bucky swallowed a little, nodding with his hands pressed along his thighs, “You’ll take it off if I ask?”

Johnny made a face, slowly approaching him walking tentatively back to him on his knees, “You know I will, but I don’t know..”

Letting his shoulders drop, Bucky smiled, feeling better at the cautious way Johnny was approaching it. He leaned in, putting his arm out to hook around his friend’s neck pressing a kiss against his mouth, “If I want to stop you’ll stop, you’re the only person I can try this around. I’m a little curious.”

Johnny ran a hand down Bucky’s bare back, petting him softly, “And maybe it’s a little too soon after what happened the last time we did something even slightly different.”

Bucky tilted his face in, nuzzling Johnny’s cheek as fingers danced over his thigh, light and delicate. Johnny sighed knowing what Bucky was up to, his cock in the beginning stages of getting hard already and _traitor_ flashed through his mind while he tilted his head to the side and allowed Bucky to brand him with another mark.

“Tie me up with that silk Jo and put that blindfold on me, then you can touch me.” He whispered low and sweet, dipped in sugar and honey. 

“ _Jesus_.” Johnny muttered out as he closed his eyes to the sensation of lips and teeth.

Begrudgingly he drew back looking at Bucky’s face for cues and hesitations, Bucky only put his wrists together and held them out, body relaxed and calm.

“Okay, I’ll do this but I won’t knot the tie. All you have to do is pull your wrists apart and it’ll unravel for you,” He wound the strip of silk over and over again around awaiting wrists before loosely tucking the end in and double checking it. 

“You okay?”

Bucky closed his eyes and drew in a breath, nodding at him as he opened them again pecking a kiss on Jo’s nose, “Blindfold.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure. Just one thing, don’t leave me alone. I need you to always be in physical contact with me."

“I promise."

A frown bloomed across Storm’s face, trepidation washing over him as he slipped the strips of fabric carefully around Bucky’s head tying it together in a snug bow after pressing the mask over his eyes. He let his fingers linger a few seconds, brushing down through Bucky’s hair and watched the way he curiously licked his lips, parting them slightly as he adjusted to losing one sense and adjusting with his other ones.

“You okay?”

He watched Bucky tilt his head, a small playful smile crossed his face giving his friend a nod, “Yes Jo.”

His hands didn’t come off Bucky’s shoulders, the balls of his fingertips dragging along his skin, down his arms and he watched Bucky’s body subtly arch to it, muscles tensing then relaxing under his ministrations. 

“Gonna use the color system Buck.”

He watched that mouth frown and Johnny couldn’t help the fond smile.

“Is that really necessary, not asking for dom sub stuff or even sex here.”

“Yeah, for me it is. The second we start hitting yellow I’m stopping, okay?”

Bucky sighed _stubbornly_ but as he dropped his head forward Johnny could see the ghost of a smile and he let it slide, he was glad Bucky got at least that much, even if he played life like a game, this wasn’t. He wanted to make sure he knew even if it was already blatantly obvious; he would not risk Bucky panicking again no matter what.

The situation once settled left Johnny without a plan in mind. He had never thought Bucky would have ever allowed anyone to blindfold him and now he was lost in thought, hands softly petting along thighs as an assurance that he was there. He watched Bucky kneel patiently, head slightly quirked to pick up anything and the tip of his tongue peeking out to moisten his lips before disappearing again.

“You can just touch me and go from there. I like..” His cheeks pinked, “..I like it when you touch me."

Johnny smiled, trust Bucky to know what he was thinking and admit things that only made him more adorable than he already was. Jo reached a hand up to gently cup his cheek, thumb running over Bucky’s bottom lip observing in fascination as they parted, warm breath washing over his hand. Curiously, he slipped his thumb into Bucky’s mouth watching lips close around his digit, tongue carefully teasing the pad of it as he sucked on it with a soft moan.

Johnny had to clear his throat and snap himself out of his daze, withdrawing just to see his thumb shiny and wet and Bucky smiling impishly looking rather pleased with himself, blindfold and all.

“Wish it was your dick in my mouth?”

All Johnny could do was huff out a laugh, leaning in to press a kiss against his adam’s apple, “Yeah, I really do you little fucker.”

Carefully, like Bucky was made of glass, he laid him out on the cloud of messy white sheets. He guided bound arms to rest over Bucky’s head as he sat himself between legs watching the way he tilted his head curiously as Johnny obediently left a hand tethered to him, fingers sweeping down prickling skin. He watched Bucky’s face closely as he bent his head low, running his tongue across his lips before he pressed soft kisses against Bucky’s neck and along one collarbone. He nuzzled down between Bucky’s pecs, watching him bite at his bottom lip, blindfold still tightly secured as he squirmed slightly under Johnny’s hands when his lips pressed a kiss against one of his hardened nipples. Bucky audibly startled his breathing, parting his lips looking like he was lost in wonder and it only made Jo smile leaving a playful lick before continuing down.

He paused when Bucky moved his wrists, unraveling the silk tie loose from around his bound wrists letting them rest there as he breathed softly.

A faint trace of worry spread across Johnny’s brows, “Buck?”

“Green Jo. I’m completely green. I just don’t like that as much as I like seeing it I guess, not right now anyway.”

“Think you miss a little of the control.” Johnny let out smiling against Bucky’s skin, pressing in soft deliberate kisses again.

Johnny’s hands came back, absent when he was mapping with his lips, producing goosebumps across Bucky's skin as they journeyed along his sides off his hips and skimmed along his ribs. Bucky swallowed down a shudder, his body trembling to the touch by its own accord. Johnny's trimmed fingernails occasionally dragged against pale skin leaving a faint ticklish feeling that rushed through Bucky leaving him twitching out of habit but simultaneously lighting him up from the inside out. 

Large deft hands moved back down, thumbs just brushing at his chest and down the sides of his stomach. Although they looked soft Johnny’s hands were faintly calloused from working out and one too many sports. Bucky’s body was familiar with it, attuned to it and he never had control over the way it reacted to Johnny and just him alone growing more sensitive the longer he was touching him like this. It was electrifying and sent shivers throughout his body despite the fact that Johnny never moved his hands to go anywhere along the inside of his thighs or even to remove his pants. His touch was enough, adding to it the weight of Jo's cock dragging against his thigh and it all made him strained in his much too tight boxer briefs, eventually eliciting a soft whine past his lips.

He felt Johnny nose down his adam’s apple and Bucky sharply dropped his head back as he bucked his hips, feeling teeth pinching and bruising just before his collarbone, hands moving and shucking his sweats down around his thighs, palm stroking him through his underwear, a pleased purr escaping.

“Well, someone’s all wet.” 

Bucky raised his head at him, “Don’t enjoy that too much you tease.”

Johnny glanced up towards him not answering, instead he moved his hand from the material of Bucky’s boxer brief’s much to his dismay, palms gliding along his inner thighs and down his legs while his mouth left behind small bites and kisses down his chest. His tongue traced around Bucky’s awaiting navel, sweatpants finally taken off along with his underwear.

He walked fingers up Bucky’s chest, pressing his palm against his mouth, “Lick.”

Gripping Jo’s wrist, Bucky slowly licked a stripe up from the heel of his hand all the way to the tip of his fingers, “Jo, you’re not allowed to get off.”

“Buck..”

“No.”

“You’re aiming to make me crazy, aren’t you?”

He smiled, cheeks crinkling at the edges of the blindfold, “Maybe for waiting.” 

Johnny rolled his eyes but obliged, wrapping his hand around Bucky’s cock to give it a couple of playful strokes, swiping tongue across pearling precum and drawing away just as soon as he was there, Bucky groaning shakily. Jo leaned his head down to kiss him up from base to tip, careful light kitten licks against the head of his cock that only caused Bucky to whine again in frustration, tugging the sheets idly.

There was no way Johnny couldn’t help enjoy Bucky laid out spread legged and naked, a light sheen across his body as his breathing fought to keep itself at level with his head tilted just enough for his ear to pick up every noise and detail going on between his thighs. 

“Look at you,” Hot breath dancing along his cock, “I just wanna savor every part of you.”

Bucky dropped his head back helplessly, pulse rising just at the moment Johnny wrapped his lips around the tip of him and suckled like the tease he was. Bucking his hips, Bucky gasped in surprise, listening to a low rumble of laughter creeping out of Johnny while he drew back lapping away at his head like he was treat.

“Jesus fucking Christ..”

Johnny chuckled, nuzzling against the hard line of his erection, barely moistened lips dragging across his over-sensitive hot and petal-soft skin listening to Bucky hiss and lift his hips in silent request. All it did was draw Johnny away, a hand holding Bucky’s knowing he could sense the distance he was putting in.

Bucky turned to face the sound at the center head of the bed, pillows hitting on top each other, “Jo?”

Giving Bucky’s hand a squeeze, he didn’t let go, “I’m just getting comfortable, I wanna watch you.”

“Watch me? Aren’t you?”

“A _different_ way.”

Bucky didn’t know what he was going on about, the hand finally pulled him closer until he was crawling on his knees and Johnny guided him with his other hand at Bucky’s hip positioning him so he was straddling his chest. The idea suddenly clicked and Bucky couldn’t help but blush as he sat perched there, feeling his whole entire body flushing from head to toe even if he couldn’t see anything. 

Johnny adjusted him closer, settling only when he had gotten Bucky’s knees rested at either side of Jo’s shoulders, finding the abrupt rush of pink Bucky was sporting as endearing because _how did he not know how adorable he was?_

He could feel Bucky softly tremble more in anticipation he knew than in fear, palms smoothing over thighs, “The headboard is in front of you, you might want it and Buck, don’t choke me with your thighs.”

Bucky made a small tsk of a sound, face deepening in crimson before he blindly leaned forward bracing himself with the headboard and adjusting so he was tucking his feet under Johnny’s shoulders. 

“Color?”

“Green Jo.”

There was no warning when Johnny moved forward, wrapping his lips around the head of Bucky’s cock and hips bucked forward with a small cry before he could stop himself, he could feel one of Johnny’s hands holding his hip firmly as he guided him to keep on going with slow shallow thrusts into his mouth, humming appreciatively to it.

Gripping tighter to the wood, Bucky whimpered to fingers bruising into his skin, Johnny’s mouth hot and wet, lost in the cover of endless black his mind easily pictured bruised lips stretched around him, cheekbones prominent against the hollowing beneath it, mixed with the deeper sensation of Johnny’s expert tongue probing and dragging over every sensitive point, sweat already misting across his shoulders and face. 

He could feel icy blue eyes on him, knew Johnny watching him like he always did, intensely studying every detail of him like he was a piece of art, as he was always told he was. Jo never wanted to miss a second of him he had told him so many times, admitting to getting off just on taking him apart. Bucky barely picked up on his thrusts becoming harder, pushing in deeper and feeding more of himself as he loomed over his face. 

Johnny’s hands found themselves massaging and rubbing Bucky’s ass, gripping handfuls as he cajoled him to go deeper. Bucky’s rolling hips carried on doing whatever Johnny wanted and lead him to, keening and sighing as hands pressed him to go faster. Bucky didn’t have to be told again, roughly fucking his face as his thighs moved in closer squeezing softly around Johnny’s head. Bucky’s hands wrung at the headboard throwing his head back as his moans began climbing up in volume and sounding absolutely _obscene_.

Bucky was vaguely aware he was mumbling random words and fragmented sentences that were mostly laced in curses and using God’s name much too loosely as he mewled helplessly to sharp pinpricks of pain around his hips and against the meat of his ass and he only drove in _deeper_ getting more of Johnny groaning around him. He could feel his heart practically pounding through his chest, his lungs fighting for more air as his blood pounded in his ears and he felt like his body was trying to destroy itself from the inside. 

It wasn’t until Johnny reached up, skimming a molded palm along Bucky’s hip and passing up along his ribs, feeling out his upper arm and cupping his cheek that Bucky felt any semblance of sanity again. He felt himself lean into it and whimper, wanting the intimacy mixed in with the roughness, sweat glistening across his skin knowing Johnny’s red rimmed eyes were watching him hunched over his head and unabashedly fucking into his mouth as his thumb pressed against Bucky’s bottom lip. 

Bucky’s hands gripped tighter around the headboard, blunt nails scratching grooves into the back of the furniture while Johnny’s other hand clutched desperately at Bucky’s hip, thumb digging hard into his hipbone as dull nails sank and broke skin leaving shapes of crescent moons and beaded blood. It sent a sharp snap of shock through Bucky’s entire system whining out in warning not able to hold himself back anymore. 

Everything was suddenly _too much_ for him, thrusting in one last hard push getting in as deep as he could and he was cumming down Jo’s throat with his head thrown back but his voice trapped in his lungs. Every single muscle in his body taut and precise, cumming in breathless silence that left his entire body trembling before the air finally returned and a choked cry escaped as he tried to catch it, draping forward. 

Johnny moaned around him, taking everything down his throat and only pulled his head back easing Bucky’s cock out when tiny fractured noises of overstimulation slipped out above him. Gently he pet and soothed Bucky’s boneless body, laying him back onto the sheets and fixing his stiffened awkward long legs. He laid out beside him, petting his friend’s stomach comfortingly, hearing the absent murmurs at his throat.

It took a few seconds in his fuzzy daze to realize Johnny was speaking to him, a hand patting his cheek, “Huh?”

“Color Buck, color. Want me to take off the blindfold?”

“Oh..Green, yes please.” His tongue felt heavy in his mouth, feeling a hand slip into his hair tugging gently at the loose knot and quickly light came in as he closed his eyes to adjust. He paid no mind to the ruffling and shifting around his body as long as Johnny was there, bare thigh pressed against his. Something dry wiped his sweaty body down as he fought to come back to his senses, melting into the soft buttery sheets and smiling absently as he pressed his palm over his heart peeking a look to his side, “I think you sucked my life essence out.” 

Johnny laughed at him, panting softly while he was rubbed a hand along his jaw and throat, “I sorta did.”

His throat sounded raspy and hoarse instantly causing Bucky to frown, “Are you okay?”

Rolling over to his side, Johnny planted kisses along Bucky’s shoulder, nudging his nose lightly against smooth skin, “More than okay. Maybe I can barely talk but I had fun. If you could see yourself up there, you’re so damn beautiful.” 

Bucky blushed immediately, shaking his head as he made an attempt to roll onto his side to face Jo but was stopped when he felt a collection of pain keep him where he was, startling out a soft gasp of surprise.

Johnny skimmed his fingers lightly over the area, a disappointed hum escaping, “Aw shit I’m sorry. I think I was holding you too hard or you bruise real easy which is a little of both on you.” 

“S’ok, I’d be more worried about you than some bruises on my hips.” 

Lips returned to press kisses against his shoulder, Johnny brushing his nose along his collarbone, “I’m good Bucky, I promise. I am sorry though, I couldn’t hold back from your order..”

Bucky’s eyes fluttered open again to look at his face, “What do you mean, did you..?”

Drawing himself away, Bucky stared at Johnny’s swollen red lips holding a sheepish smile when their eyes met again, his hand skimming down Bucky’s ribs and gripping at his thigh, firm and grounding. They ventured back upwards in a slow lazy stroke, his hand molding along curve and muscle while lips ventured along Bucky’s jaw. 

Bucky couldn’t help the way his body involuntarily arched into his touch, easing to it as he felt breathless closing his eyes.

“..I did. I couldn’t hold back. The second you started really getting into it while you were blindfolded and unaware of how much I was watching the way your body moved. Geez, you _really_ ought to watch how gorgeous you are when you’re feeling good Buck. It was so hot and the _sounds_. Just pure sin, trust me.”

He laughed at the same time Bucky did, tilting his head to cup his jaw and kiss him softly, “I came the second you started to, I haven’t done that in a while.” 

Bucky fought an urge to say something, make a joke about how Johnny cant keep his dirty paws off his body but it all just went away into the air like smoke in the breeze, only feeling his friend’s lips leaving innocent little kisses along his skin before gently sucking a mark against his pulse point. 

Bucky realized he had come to from napping when he glanced at the clock yawning out lazily, turning on his good side to lay on his stomach and stretch himself out like a cat, moaning out pleased and satiated. Johnny leaned in, nibbling softly against his ribs.

“Have you been awake?”

“You weren’t out for very long, I was on my phone.” 

A hand slid across the curve of his ass, glancing over at Johnny watching his backside in fascination.

Bucky watched him curiously over his shoulder, “Having fun?”

“When’re you gonna let me eat you out?”

“Oh my God Jo.” 

He dropped his face into the sheets, laughing to himself just before he felt the same hand crack him firmly on one side of his butt and he jumped a little, the sting and pain from earlier flaring up again he could feel his skin pinking as he glanced over catching Johnny gleefully grinning before he soothed it gently. 

“Sorry, way too tempted.”

“You’re an ass.”

“I love this ass.” He leaned over grazing teeth across one cheek to bite the flesh softly, grabbing a handful of ass at the other side before kissing the spot and moving up his spine to leave a trail of them. 

Bucky melted in the sheets again, hating him for it but he smiled contently feeling Johnny climbing over him to straddle his thighs, hands kneading into his back. Pulling one of the pillows to him, Bucky tucked it under his chin, wiggling under him, “Harder.”

“You’re dangerous, you know that?”

He smirked as he let Johnny turn him over, reaching up to cup his face and pull him down, feeling Johnny already half hard and rubbing against the groove of his hip. His fingers slid along the sides of his neck pressing firmly as he sucked on Jo’s bottom lip, nipping and tugging before licking into his mouth and kissing the air from his lungs. His fingers dragged down the dip along Johnny’s lower back while he spread his legs open getting Johnny to shift between them, Bucky grabbing a handful of his ass and pulling greedily, moaning low and sweet against red, spit slicked lips. 

“God, you’re gorgeous.." Johnny mumbled out, trailing frantic kisses along his jaw until Bucky dropped his head back and exposed his throat. Johnny pressed his body down and chased the friction slicked in sweat and precum sucking a route up Bucky's throat and leaving his marks, nipping at his jaw, the corner of his mouth. His hot breath panting out over blushing skin, “Fuck Bucky, _fuck_. Already so hard again.”

Bucky changed their positions, his body aching at spots and a little tired but he ignored it for what he had in mind, what he wanted Jo to understand fully even with the admission that he trusted him without exactly admitting it. He wanted him to know he was special to him too in the way only they knew how to speak to each other.

Hands came up and Bucky slipped palms over his, pressed firm and tangling fingers, placing a soft kiss at lips before giving their hands a squeeze and kissing down his chin, nudging Johnny’s legs apart as he moved and made his home there. Kisses appeared along shoulders and down Johnny’s chest feeling the pulse underneath his skin racing as he brushed his nose across one sensitive nipple and sinking teeth into his flesh just the worry it. Bucky glanced up to blue eyes curiously watching, lips brushing down past his navel and Bucky ignored hands tugging lightly in question, tongue drifting down the cut of Johnny’s hipbone before he pressed a soft kiss there too, the side of his face feeling the line of his hard cock. 

Bucky moved his hands away, breath dancing along sensitive skin playfully blowing against his leaking head, “S’my first time. Go easy on me.”

“Buck.” 

Johnny tried to protest, grey eyes not leaving his face but Bucky was already moving in and starting off slow, careful little kitten licks lapping away at precum already dribbling down in anticipation and Jo wondered how this had even started to happen lost in watching how Bucky’s lack of experience only made him look vulnerable and much too beguiling for his own good. 

He watched as Bucky left open mouthed kisses down the side of his painfully hard erection, teasingly licking a stripe up along his vein, Johnny groaning as his teeth sank into his bottom lip. Bucky kissed the head of his cock affectionately, chaste and innocent before he swallowed him down as much as he could, his hand wrapping around what was left giving him smooth strong strokes and all Johnny could do was drop his head back and cry out.

He wasn’t sure if he was dreaming but he didn’t want to wake from whatever this was, feeling the way the flat of Bucky’s tongue dragged down the underside and began to trace out thick veins with just the tip of it as he pulled back achingly slow and made an obscene _pop_ sound with his lips. 

“Having fun?”

Bucky didn’t even wait for him to answer, swallowing him down again and knocking words straight out of his mouth. With just the perfect amount of suction he didn’t know how Bucky could get so right and grip with his hand it was like he knew exactly the right pressure, humming sweetly around his cock as Johnny fought to keep his head on straight. The sight just past his dick was equally devastating, watching Bucky’s adorable ass move in small tight thrusts against the sheets absently Jo wondering if he had died suddenly somewhere.

“Jesus, Jesus Bucky, _Jesus_." He knew he was rambling but Bucky’s tongue was teasing him again and they lost eye contact watching Bucky’s head slowly bob, glaringly deep red lips sliding across his cock stretched around him tight and snug, swollen and so perfect. It really made Johnny wonder how the hell this was his first time because _shit_. He resisted the urge to push his hips up and fuck into that glorious mouth, wet heat driving him insane and Johnny could feel the conscientious graze of himself hitting the back of Bucky’s throat with each movement.

Whatever exactly Bucky was aiming for, he was hitting it hard; Johnny panting and groaning loudly as he pressed up in the sheets pulling and grasping at them desperately, his entire body, every cell of him lit on fire and burning him down to nothing. All he could really do was smooth a hand down one of Bucky’s shoulders and pet into his hair as he tried to enjoy the ride.

Bucky drew off him, stroking his dick as he planted sloppy kisses along the head of Johnny’s cock, lips shiny and bruised. He still couldn’t believe what was happening, precum dribbling down watching Bucky take care of him and lap it up like a lazy cat, darkened doe eyes and long lashes watching him again and Johnny couldn’t think of anything except that he had never leaked like that in a long while not sure if he should be embarrassed about it or not. Bucky didn’t seem to care one way or another, only going back for more suckling at his throbbing head while his tongue timidly worked at his frenulum. 

Johnny couldn’t do anything but mumble out Bucky’s name helplessly, trying to push at his shoulder and get him off his cock to warn him only to have Bucky shrug him off, heat and tightness pressing inside of him his fist hitting the bed.

“Buck, gonna- oh God- ”

It was one of those moments where Johnny realized that he always forgot that as much time as he spent reading Bucky, there was a good chance Bucky was reading him. Eyes watching him like he was the world, pulling his mouth off, tongue licking deliberately slow against Johnny’s slit, moaning shamelessly and he was gone completely somewhere else, orgasm rushing in before he had any moment to process it. Thick shots of cum hit Bucky’s face and across Johnny’s twitching stomach, the both of them momentarily quietly with only their panting filling the room.

Johnny only watched Bucky in surprised awe leaving barely there licks and light kisses along his softening dick until he was too sensitive to the affection, pulling and pawing him back up to face each other batting Bucky’s hand away when he moved to wipe his face with the sheet corner. Nothing came to his head, no comment on how much he wanted to remember the cum on his face forever, no joke about wondering why Bucky was spoiling him and wondering if he was dying. Johnny only leaned in and licked him clean, swiping his thumb gingerly across one stained eyelid and lapping off the good bit off his cheek and chin. Bucky only relaxed into it, only squirming when the flat of Jo’s tongue brushed the underside of his chin. He used the sheet to make doubly sure and finally cuddled into Bucky.

“Hm, still need a shower no matter how much of your splooge you licked off me especially since it’s still all over your stomach and now on mine.”

Johnny said nothing and it was okay for the moment, Bucky comfortably laying back with him on top and his face pressed into his chest. He quietly pet his back, soothed in the cloud of silence feeling the beat of Johnny’s heart slow. Rolling them over, Johnny blanketed himself over Bucky, Bucky’s erection pressing into his hip but neither of them addressed it and Bucky seemed much too content to care.

They were good and happy until there was tears, Bucky immediately becoming alarmed and scared he did something wrong. Johnny glanced up, at war with either hiding his face in embarrassment or trying to ease Bucky out of freezing up in concern. 

“Jo..?”

Johnny buried his face against the crook of Bucky’s neck, pressing in light tears and pushing like he was trying to hide there, a faint laugh choked out in a wet stuffy inhale.

“I’m sorry, dammit. I don’t even know..”

Bucky stared at his head, brushing his hair and holding him but thoroughly confused.

“Jo..? Did I," He drew in a small defeated breath. “Did I do something wrong?”

Shaking his head quickly, Johnny’s arms tightened around Bucky’s ribs like he was holding him from running away, sheets tangling around legs as he fit himself tighter between Bucky’s.

“Not you. Me. No one’s, done something like _that_ before..” 

His voice was low, muffled against Bucky’s skin like he was much to embarrassed but Bucky made it out. He stared off into the daylight, looking out at the faint grey clouds rolling through the sky. He attempted to keep it light, like they always did, fingers brushing down along Jo’s short shaved head, “I’m sure enough people get to suck your dick.”

“Not what I meant.”

Bucky knew that too. Feeling shy and so very vulnerable, he didn’t press Johnny from hiding his face. He wanted to do it himself too, chest rising and falling underneath the broad frame laying on top of him. Instead he stayed quiet, hands barely resting against smooth back, watching the faint flicker of an aircraft drift along the stormy sky. 

A few minutes passed when slowly Johnny moved a little, shifting his head and peering at him. Bucky was still looking outside and lips pressed along the faint stubble he started to collect around his face. He let out a gentle hum in response, feeling fingertips smoothing against his skin, a thumb brushing past a nipple and he sharply inhaled. Goosebumps followed the trail Johnny left in its wake and Bucky could only enjoy it with half lidded eyes, his fingers tracing patterns into the soft sheets beneath him. Even dopey and lazy he could see Johnny smiling at him, simple and something that came so easily to him. His palm rested against his belly and Bucky didn’t whine or complain that he stopped.

“You’re beautiful, you know that?”

He knew he was accustomed to compliments, especially from Jo but the flush of his cheeks coloring always happened, he glanced away to avoid eyes and take in a breath. Sometimes it was hard to listen to it, sometimes he didn’t want it then sometimes, moments like this, it was nice and wonderful but everything felt like it was swallowing him away.

Pulling himself up Johnny moved to straddle Bucky’s hips, he looked down at Bucky staring out the glass, faint barely there streaks of sunlight illuminating a faint glow across his skin one arm bent and fingers pressing against his bottom lip. He leaned down, pressing a kiss against the side of his neck, light and feathery, stirring Bucky to move his chin a little to bump his friend’s face in reflex to the ticklish feeling. The blush only deepened across Bucky’s cheeks, lips dusting softly along his throat and causing him to squirm a little.

“I’m lucky I picked you up when I did, got you all addicted to me I know you can’t stop now.”

Bucky let out a soft snort, pushing a hand into his chest playfully as he stared up and watched that smile on Jo’s face bleed out into a goofy grin. 

“Right, I’m addicted to _you_.”

“Mhm.” He let out, leaning forward again to press his lips against Bucky’s.

They stayed pressed close to each other, Bucky’s palms stroking Johnny’s sides as they kissed lazily, tongues exploring across teeth and skin. Bucky couldn’t help the way he hummed contently, soaking in the attention he was being showered with, something at the back of his mind glad, pleased he admitted the _trust and deep affection_ he revealed he had for Jo. Subtle and unspoken, Johnny understood and it was good, a tiny ball of fear hoping he would never regret allowing him into his carefully protected world.

This time Johnny had fallen asleep for a light snooze while Bucky pulled the blanket over them and stroked his back soothingly. Johnny had laid the side of his face against his chest, fingers softly skating around one nipple when he finally awoke again, “We keep evolving.”

“Hm?” Bucky’s voice was barely heard, mildly groggy and tired.

Johnny turned to rest his chin lightly against his friend’s sternum, “You and I. We went from drunken nights to sober booty calls to rough and dirty and fast, I always liked you best like that..”

Bucky laughed, giving his head a shake, “I didn’t care though, I just fucked.”

Johnny agreed, bowing his head to nuzzle soft skin above his nipple and press a kiss there, “Then it was something else, now it’s this, whatever _this_ is.”

Raising his brows then dropping them Bucky shrugged simply, “I hazard to guess all my hostility began to fizzle away and I started to care about you. You grew on me like a weed, Storm.”

Laughing, Johnny wrapped his arms tighter around Bucky’s hips, snug and warm, “Ah! I knew you liked me.”  


 

Steve practically skipped up the stoop steps and stood at the door with a grocery bag in hand, ringing the doorbell once. He waited a few seconds, hearing barking and then footsteps and laughter. Bucky eventually answered it, throwing it open with a flushed red face, his hair a mess and a grin across his features. He looked like he barely put thought into ash grey sweatpants and a neck hole stretched black and purple long sleeve shirt that was steering towards falling off his shoulder. Lucky poked his head out from between Bucky’s legs and then stepped out onto the stoop to say hello.

“Oh Steve! Hey! Hi.”

Raising his brows, Steve smiled back holding his bag up, “Hi, came to see if you were doing okay since I was around grabbing some stuff. Busy?”

They both paused as another pair of footsteps came down the stairs, Johnny sliding across the wood in socked feet, bumping hard into Bucky’s back, “Hey Steve!”

Bucky rolled his eyes at Johnny and smiled, “Not right now, you wanna come in?”

Instinctively he wanted to decline but he was here already and he told himself the moment he had a chance he would try to be nice around Johnny whether he still wasn’t sure about him or not. 

“Sure, I got a couple minutes.”

Steve didn’t miss the off way Bucky was walking, raising his brows at him and Bucky raised a brow back in question.

“You okay?” He gestured to his side curiously.

In the background on the couch Johnny choked on his water, coughing it all out all over himself both of them turning to look at him.

“Hey, don’t make a mess!”

Bucky lifted his shirt just slightly at the same time dipping his sweatpants down just enough to show his hip, dark scratches and blotchy red purple hand shaped bruises dotting his skin, “I’m okay, just hurts. Johnny was gripping too hard, with his thumb especially. Feels like he broke my hip.”

“I said sorry.”

Bucky laughed, covering himself up again while Steve rolled his eyes, “Looks bad though, you put something on it?”

“Hey, be lucky you haven’t seen my ass cheeks from him death gripping them.” He playfully hit Steve’s chest when he was given a look of absolute offense, “I had a cold compress on it about ten minutes ago then you showed up. Do you want something to drink?”

“I got it.” He skirted around him and grabbed a water bottle from the fridge, taking a long sip watching Bucky sit himself down at the kitchen table. “You take something for the pain?”

His friend just waved him away, tapping his fingers along the handle of his mug, “I’m okay. Thanks for coming by you really didn’t have to, obviously I wasn’t thinking clearly.”

Pulling himself down into a chair beside him, Steve rested an arm along the table surface smiling warmly, “And that’s why I did show up. I didn’t mind.”

“You said you were at Tony’s?” He wasn’t sure if he imagined that part or not, wincing in case it was incorrect.

Steve nodded, “I was but he was sleeping it was fine. If he knew I stepped out he didn’t ask about it though he may later, I’ll tell him the truth.”

Staring at him curiously, Bucky lifted the mug to his mouth, “Will he get mad?”

“I don’t know. We talked a little yesterday, it seemed like everything was back to normal once we got together. We both apologized and I don’t want to get into details about the fight prior because it’s just not worth talking about but we’re working it out. We still got stuff to work out but neither of us liked the distance. One step at a time.”

Bucky wasn’t sure, without knowing what exactly the fight or argument was about that had included him, but it definitely seemed a bit weird like they were glossing it over. He bit back any comments even though he felt like this wasn’t going to be the last of it if this was turning into a pattern. Instead he gave him a smile, echoing his own words, “One step at a time.”

They sat together in companionable silence with Bucky’s hand resting close to Steve’s but neither made the move to touch the other, instead Bucky continued to sip lightly at his coffee watching Steve thoughtfully as he did the same to him with his water. Johnny belched from the couch and it seemed to break them out of whatever they were in, Steve pulling himself up to his feet.

“I should go, figured I’d come say hi before my coffee date with Tony.”

Johnny sat back and watched them from the couch in the living room, feet propped up on the table with a bowl of chips in his lap. He saw the way Steve’s body language was screaming to get close to Bucky, it was a little funny to see how obvious he was and yet neither of them noticed it. His hands were clenching and then pressing against his sides while Bucky was fixated on adjusting the folded in way Steve’s collar was going after he stood up with him running a finger beneath it to smooth it out and smiling to himself, Steve focused on his face with his chest leaning subtly into Bucky’s space. 

Johnny tried not to make a noise when Steve’s hand moved to hold Bucky’s hip but then immediately receded again. Storm supposed Bucky had a sixth sense for his paramour since barely a few seconds passed before he pulled Steve in himself to hug him tight, watching his eyes close and smile like it was the one thing that made him happy. He supposed that was true anyway. Steve was pretty much the same way except he tended to bury his face into Bucky’s hair, a look of found comfort wrapped around his features.

These two had it _bad_. 

He didn’t speak until Bucky parked himself on the couch next to him, pushing up his shirtsleeves before stealing a chip.

“So why are you here?”

He didn’t look at his friend, way too focused on the TV screen, “I told you, I have to cut back a little.”

“Because going from dry humping each other to awkward hugs isn’t really healthy Buck.”

Bucky groaned, “We don’t _dry hump_ each other.”

“Coulda fooled me, you two definitely have something going on in the ‘laying in bed together’ department that’s for sure. He likes touching you just as much as you like touching him.”

“Well he’s not obsessed with me.”

Johnny lightly swatted him, “Bucky, _obsessed_ is a really strong word. You’re not obsessed with him. You really like him, you _care_ about him. You have strong feelings for him, you’re not some shmuck hiding in the bushes trying to look through his window or sniffing his dirty clothes.”

Rolling his eyes, Bucky frowned, “I like sniffing him does that count?"

“No, I like sniffing you."

“You’re gross."

“ _As I was saying_."

Bucky gave him a nod, folding his arms over his chest.

“You’re not a stalker."

“I jerked off in his bed."

Johnny tried his best to restrain the outburst of laughter, the bowl of chips perilously juggling across twitching legs before Bucky caught it to save it from itself half smiling and half trying to stop the blush of color rising from his sweater collar.

“Are you kidding me? Was he in it?" Johnny’s eyes wide in curiosity. 

“Hell no. He was out on his morning run and I couldn’t..ignore it.”

“That’s hot, I give you full permission to do that in my bed if I’m ever not there.”

“Like I said, you’re gross.”

All Bucky could really do was shake his head, “You haven’t wanted someone for almost six years. _Six_ Jo, fucking six years!”

Johnny shook his head, “C’mon some of that was summer and graduation so that’s what like two years instead? Stop beating yourself up about it, you have feelings for him and that’s okay. Don’t let anyone treat you like you’re wrong.”

Bucky felt so vulnerable, tucking his knees in and throwing his arms around his legs as he dropped his chin against them, “It’s so easy to.”

“Well you shouldn’t. You’re a good guy who has it bad for another guy, big deal he has a boyfriend, you can still like him. It doesn’t make you obsessed or crazy, it doesn’t even make you a loser because I know you’re probably thinking that too.”

Throwing an arm around Bucky he cuddled him close, “I know you trust me, so trust that. There's nothing wrong with you Buck.”

 

“Where are you right now?”

Bucky stared out the window in the back seat of the black car driving him up the drive of his place, trees skimming past him and green sprawling landscape, “I’m running a few errands.”

Something fell in the background and Steve cursed under his breath.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m looking for my portfolio, I got some new pieces photographed that I wanted to put in there like that one of you and one of Sam he posed for while you were in Germany. Did you happen to see it?”

Shaking his head, Bucky watched the car round the fountain, coming to a stop, “No idea, you probably just put it somewhere out of sight and now you forgot where it is.”

“Well usually I wouldn’t be so forgetful but I don’t know.”

“I’m sure it’ll turn up Stevie, but I gotta go. Talk to you later.”

He heard him absently agree, “Yeah sure Buck, talk to you soon. Bye.”

He hung up, stepping out of the car tucking a leather bound zipper sealed binder under his arm as he stepped towards the front doors, swallowing hard as Charles answered the door with a tilt of his head, reaching out to shuffle Bucky out of his peacoat, brushing a piece of lint off his shoulder. 

“Master Barnes, your father is waiting for you in the study.”

Skirting a hand over his hair, it had grown out a bit but was mostly trimmed neat like in Germany exchanging sneakers for casual dress shoes and ash grey dress pants. He tugged at the tight white collar and black tie around his neck, huffing noisily in annoyance only stopping because of the comforting hand on his shoulder. 

He looked over and nodded at Charles’ pleasant smile, giving him a small wink, “Just be yourself.”

“I don’t know if that’s a good thing.” He let out with a grin. 

Heading down to the side rooms, marble and gilded molding followed him along, his eyes passing over frame after frame of fine art on the walls with soft lighting overhead revealing their secrets before a heavy door left ajar greeted him and he rapped his knuckles against it before pushing it open. George looked back over his shoulder, buttoning together one of two buttons on his suit jacket before gesturing with his hand for Bucky to come in quickly, nodding to one of the leather chairs before a large oak desk.

“James. I hope this is quick, I have a meeting to get to and I hope you’re not drunk this time," He paused, looking him over a second time, “It must be very important if you changed your entire attire for this or did hell freeze over?" 

Swallowing down hard he ignored the quip not wanting to ruin the courage it took him half a day to gather up, he watched his father park himself in front of the desk not even bothering to sit down and Bucky pushed himself to step across the room, holding out the portfolio. 

“This is Steve’s art portfolio, you’ll see he’s quite good at what he does and I would like you to write a letter to recommend his work for a showing between Christmas and New Years instead of sitting on the wait list. I know you’d do it if you were after his best interests.”

Raising his brow up at Bucky’s sudden boldness, he accepted the binder, unzipping it to look through the photographs of Steve’s work while Bucky stood ramrod straight with his hands tucked behind his back. 

“And why would I be after Mr. Rogers best interests?”

Bucky ignored the quirk of a cold smile he gave him watching his eyes return to the book in hand, flipping the pages and studying each photograph.

“If being in Stark’s good graces is that important to you then you would extend the courtesy of helping out his boyfriend, would you not?”

“That’s true, you’re learning.” He stood up holding a smile that Bucky knew was pleased but something inside of him told him that it was wrong to give one back like the pact he was making right now for the favor. George held the portfolio back out, “And what’s in it for you James?”

Taking it back, he shook his head, “Nothing except to get his foot in the door.”

He watched his father make his way around the desk, sitting in his office chair old and leather worn, a deep rich chocolate brown leaning back into it as he seemed to be thinking with a tap to his chin, “You’ve grown very fond of him, haven’t you?”

Bucky sighed, knowing this was going to come up, fingers tangling together with a serious look across his face, “Just enough to call him my friend. Nothing beyond that but as per your wishes, I decided against bringing him back here when I came to ask for the letter.”

“How’s your lip by the way?”

Absently his tongue ran along the cut, “It’s fine.”

“What else is on your mind James?" 

Loathed being called out, Bucky frowned softly, “You know the bigger studio next to Eighteen on sale? I was thinking of a project, you know we could buy it out, upgrade the other gallery and make it more modern, clean up the brick walls and get better potted lighting, a fresh coat of paint- ”

“No.”

“No? What do you mean no? Isn't that what you wanted me to do? Something with my life?" 

George looked up from his desk, “Of course but selling pieces of art and living upstairs at the gallery because I know you would, is not the life I had planned for you. I can see you don't ever plan on being a lawyer which only leads you to being what you are in line for. Running the hotels. Now I know you dislike the idea, you think of me when you think of running it, ruthless and without compassion but think about it with your personality James. Everyone likes you, they want to know you. You should use it as a valued tool."

Bucky sighed, "If you're trying to twist me in some way where I'm supposed to manipulate people, you know I can't do that."

He smiled, "Never. I'm simply saying what if you actually used your abilities with the job. You were in Germany, how did you deal with it? You listened, spoke up and asked questions. Your kindness was clear with so many employees and investors, no one had a bad word to say about you. Productivity went up the month you were there, we've had investors interested in ideas you had. That waiter you saved from a reprimand, he had a family. You saved his livelihood James, that's all you. That's what you enjoy doing. Think about it. Would it be so bad if you ran it the way you loved?"

Warily looking at him, Bucky chewed at his bottom lip, tilting his chin up a little as he nodded, “I will think about.” 

George smiled, pleased as he brought forth a pad of personalized stationary, “It’s all I ask.”

All Bucky wanted right then was to get the letter and beat it out of there, fidgeting with his fingers as he waited not making any comments.

Mr. Barnes didn’t look up. "So, is Mr. Rogers a permanent thing or is he just a friend James. I only ask because you seem to have many friends but you never ask for anything til now. I see Germany didn’t deter you much."

Buck felt his face flush, but in anger and partial embarrassment, "He's a friend...friend. Like Brock, Nat, Clint and Jack."

“Well then, this makes it easier for me to suggest he gets a showing of his artwork."

Bucky watched him fold the letter neat and precise, sealing it in an envelope. Watching him seal it, he almost forgot what he had just said, approaching the desk. 

Bucky put his hand out to take abruptly recoiling when he played back the words in his head, eyes narrowed at the letter being held out for him, then at his father, “Wait, what did you mean easier?"

His father looked at him ruefully, “You're twenty one James. I am well aware of your nightly escapades at the clubs and in various _beds_ to say the least. At least Johnathan is a constant, maybe he could teach you a thing or two about real estate since you spend so much time together. Do what you must, you're still young but remember that it’s also public knowledge that you are soon going to be independently wealthy with your grandmother’s inheritance and the world will want to be your best friend.”

Bucky felt his face flush scarlet, “He's not like that and I wouldn’t do anything of the sort around someone associated with Tony Stark. He’s just a good friend, I don’t have any interest in furthering that relationship.”

Dark steel grey eyes watched him for a long moment, “Let's hope for your sake that is all he is to you.” 

Taking the letter Bucky felt frustrated, tightening his jaw, “It’s not like you have to worry about me pissing my money away, you made sure of that by freezing my inheritance so I can’t borrow from it until it’s officially unsealed and you don’t like my projects so everything is safe for you _father_.”

Standing up, George only looked at him in boredom, fixing his cuff sleeve, “I did not do it on the guise to keep you from your money, I did it to make sure you'll be making sound decisions in your future. Besides, it's not like you've been hurting for money James, we see that you make good use of the credit cards.”

“Yeah okay, just may I go?”

His father nodded, his phone going off and gesturing him to close the door on his way out. Once he was back in the hallway, Bucky felt all the strain melt out of him, leaning against the wall as he took a second to breathe, the binder hugged tight to his chest with the letter and his mind reminded him he had one last thing to do.

He hoped to God Steve didn’t hate him for this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vreau sa te sarut - I want to kiss you
> 
> I know, a week late but hey I got more done so..*jazz hands*
> 
> After some discussion with my lovely fwen Zoe, I've bumped up the rating to E mainly to avoid any hiccups with the smut. My judgement with kinks gets skewed a lot of the time and I'm pretty sure I don't need to make this explicit but I also don't want someone walking into this house and being all what??? So I'm just doing the simplest action and did everyone see how marshmallow Seb was last weekend? Feck.


	22. I hope your future children explode

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The calm before the storm. (No, this isn't a Johnny reference. :P)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Chapter 22.pic/gif](http://kalika999.tumblr.com/post/154070844090/hunger-of-the-pine-chapter-22-pt-1-of-2-the) Pt.1 of 2.
> 
> No crazy warnings really just some sads™, some manipulation and a drunken sexual advance that gets stopped.

**Early 2013**  
  


“Bucky!”

Bucky didn’t register whoever was calling him, AC/DC playing loudly in the background as he had himself parked on the beige couch in the basement trying to get to the end of the level before the time ran out. 

He barely noticed the music shutting off or the sound of shoes stomping down beforehand not until someone popped up in his line of sight and yanked the cord of the game controller so hard the whole system came off the TV stand and crashed the level to a halt as the screen scrambled and then it was completely black.

“Hey! I was playing that!”

Alex stood in front of him, mostly calm and casual, mostly. His breathing was a little on the high side, a hand on his hip dressed in a white dress shirt and a cream colored letter sweater accompanying dark slacks, “And I have been calling you for the past half an hour, where is your phone?”

“It’s right- ” Bucky absently looked around, “Um,”

Holding Bucky’s phone out he raised a brow at him, “It’s been sitting on the kitchen table when I went out of my way to get here. You know what time it is, don’t you?”

Taking the phone, Bucky rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, “Uh, three?”

“It’s _five_. The time I said you needed to be stepping out the door but then I find out you’re hiding out in Rollins’ basement playing stupid video games.”

Bucky shrugged, “Sorry, he was stuck at a part and telling me about it so I said I would try it out and help.”

“Is that all that happened?” Tone changing, as he watched him carefully with a slow tilt of his head.

Bucky stood up focused on the mess on the floor, moving to the console to pick it up checking to see if it was still alright or else he’d had to get Jack a new system, “Yeah that was it, why?”

He glanced up to see Alex picking up some books on a side table examining them silently before he set them down again not looking back, instead roaming his eyes along various band posters across the back of the wall, “Was the level hard?”

Bucky was fidgeting with the back of the system trying to see inside through the vents, “Huh?”

Carefully he turned it over, popping one of the panels out.

“Rollins said the level was hard, was it?”

Bucky absently confirmed that it was, snapping the cover back on before plugging everything back in again, “I mean it wasn’t entirely hard, I think it was a perception thing you know on account of Jack’s eye and all. He wasn’t getting the last part down but it’s okay I figured out how he could do it without giving up on the game.”

Turning on the system, Bucky seemed to hold his breath a second watching the logo pop up on screen and load into the menu tray, causing the brunette to let out a small pleased cheer, applauding for a second, “Yes, not destroyed!”

“ _Bucky_.”

Bucky glanced up, picking up the strain in Alex’s voice shutting off the TV and the game, “Sorry, I was just trying to help him figure it out.”

“You have better things to do, you’re not a child.”

Bucky only shrugged, “Okay anyway, I’m ready to go.” 

Alex looked at him, the expression subtle but it was enough to stop Bucky from picking up his leather jacket, “What?” 

“Nothing.”

Pursing his lips, Bucky suddenly looked over himself, he had a black dress shirt under an oversized dark blue v-neck sweater and black skinny jeans, he was pretty sure he looked okay so that wasn’t it.

“Do I have something on my face?”

“Just your face.”

Bucky rolled his eyes like Pierce didn’t say that joke over a thousand times already, “Really, what’s eating you?”

“Well, just..is that what you’re wearing to the country club?”

“Of course!” Bucky turned to show off his butt, “My jeans are amazing and you did say semi casual didn’t you?” 

“I did.” He affirmed, blue eyes gazing at him sternly.

Bucky watched as he stepped closer and ran a hand along his hip and he did his best not to blush.

“I also think that maybe you should wear those dark blue ones I like hm? The ones I bought you.”

Peering at those eyes staring at him, he couldn’t help the smile appearing across his face, “Those are kinda baggy though. I figured wearing the skinny jeans would just complete the baggy sweater thing.”

Alex rested his hands along Bucky’s shoulders, examining the piece of clothing with a nod, fingers grazing along his shoulders delicate and light. 

It only made Bucky’s head spin. 

“Makes sense but a lot of guys look at your ass and I don’t wanna get distracted staring people down while my parents are there.” 

“Oh..” The flush blossomed through Bucky’s entire body, chewing at his bottom lip, “Uh, we would have to go back to my place to get them then.”

Hands left him and Alex was heading towards the stairs again. Bucky wished they stayed, warm and strong he could feel them through his two layers of clothing and he just wanted Alex to keep them there all day.

“That’s fine, I got the Jag just don’t take too long. Oh and if you’re changing those god awful jeans, change your sweater too, something lighter maybe. That grey cashmere you wore to that party a couple weeks ago.”

Alex didn’t wait for a response, jogging up the stairs and there were footsteps and a mutter of his and Jack’s voices before the front door opened and closed.

He was left in a fog, staring off at the stairway in perplexity.

“Okay.”

 

**Mid December, 2015**  
  


“Buck?”

Bucky snapped out of his memories, shaking his head slightly and turned his head to see Steve looking at him in concern.

“You okay?”

He forced a smile, nodding to him. He realized Steve had asked him something before but he couldn’t for the life of him remember what it was now. “I blanked out, sorry. What did you say?”

Steve chuckled, playfully nudging him before turning to look at himself in the mirror to fix his hair, “I said is that what you’re wearing?”

Bucky glanced down at his black skinny jeans and his black shortsleeve shirt, “Yeah maybe a scarf too if its cold in there..why?”

Steve brushed fingers through his hair trying to tame his cowlick, “Nothing I was just asking, it looks nice.”

Swallowing thickly, he stared at Steve too busy in the mirror to notice he was being watched, “You don’t..hate anything about it?”

“Hate is a strong word Buck and,” Steve turned, looking him over with a grin, “It’s perfect, it’s you without all the over dressing or looking uncomfortable. I know, I do a lot of that at times.” 

Staring at him curiously, Bucky knit his brows together chewing at his lip worrying it until it was flush and red, “And my jeans? They’re..okay?” 

Confused and a little thrown off, Steve shrugged running a hand through his hair before he realized he had just set it, sighing at himself, “What do you mean your jeans, what’s wrong with them?”

Bucky shrugged, suddenly feeling a little uncomfortable, “They’re not..distracting or too sexy or something like that? Are they proper? I can change and- ”

“Hey, Buck _hey_.” Steve grabbed his upper arms gently, running his hands down along his skin before taking hands in his, “I don’t know what’s gotten into you where you got ‘distracting’ or ‘too sexy’ from but even if they are who cares? If that’s what you wanna wear then you wear them, really you look great in them and I know you love them. Okay?”

Bucky relaxed a little, nodding softly as his mind tried to bat away lingering memories he didn’t want to remember, “Okay.”

Chuckling, Steve gave his hands one last squeeze before letting go, “Besides, aren’t you the first one to advertise how great your butt looks in them?”

Bucky forced a laugh and nodded, warily watching him walk back to the mirror to fix his hair again and tension returned to his shoulders, this time over the portfolio still quietly sitting in his backpack in the living room.

“Steve.”

“Hm?”

Nervously he moved out of the room, chewing away at his bottom lip as he went to retrieve it coming back while trying to tell his fingers to stop trembling. 

Turning his head to ask Bucky what was up, his eyes shifted to his portfolio flashing to a look of surprise, “Hey! There it is!”

Taking it from Bucky’s held out hands, Steve unzipped it eagerly engrossed in making sure everything was still intact and missing the look of worrying fear across Bucky’s features. It wasn’t until the white paper that sat between pages came to his attention and Steve caught George Barnes name across the top. He was suddenly frozen in realization, heart beating in his ears and he pulled out the obvious _copy_ which only told him Bucky gave them the original already and his throat tightened.

“Bucky, what did you do?”

Opening his mouth to answer, it promptly shut when Steve finally looked at him and he didn’t know if it was disappointment or anger in his features and Bucky dropped arms that he didn’t realize were still out a little, shrinking back instinctively. 

“What possessed you to go and _steal_ my portfolio just to show it to your father. Bucky why would you do that?!”

Bucky slowly felt himself frowning, warmth curling up his face and around his ears, “You.” 

Carefully looking at the opened book, he nodding towards it and the letter that was a copy because he knew the possibility of the letter being destroyed and he wasn’t going to let that happen. He dropped it off before he came over, asking Steve not be contacted until the next day.

Clearing his throat, Bucky gathered his wits about him, “It’s safe, I never meant to steal it but I knew you wouldn’t freely give it up if I asked for it. You’d know where I was taking it but I needed it to get the letter.”

He attempted to keep his voice leveled, though he could hear a menagerie of emotions he couldn’t entirely pinpoint bubbling just at the surface as Steve’s blues stared at him with some unspeakable level of surprise. 

“I asked you not to and you did it anyway! How could you- ” Steve stepped away, frustrated and pacing, bringing hands into his hair and grabbing tufts of it and wrecking it all over again before letting his arms drop to his side and hitting the side of his armchair in annoyance after setting the book down on the dresser.

“Your father is a bad person! You have to know that, don’t you get how he’s going to use that as leverage against you _and me_! Why did you do this?”

It wasn’t until Steve had stopped speaking that Bucky realized his breathing had picked up, chest rising and falling, frustrated and defensive. It never mattered what he wanted, he wanted to give Steve everything, anger seethed and burned but it was the _pain_ blossoming that hurt the most his lower jaw trembling as he grit his teeth bumping soft fists against his legs.

“You.”

Steve shook his head, not understanding, “What?”

“You!” He snapped out in almost a snarl, “You! I do everything for _you_! I would do the same thing, over and over again I would do it. I _want_ to do it. I’m not stupid I _know_ Steve, I know! But I’d do it again and again!”

Steve heard it, he just couldn’t accept it, shaking his head as he lost his chance for words.

Bucky huffed angrily, “God, you’re the most stubborn- ”

“ -Me?!”

“Yes, you! Don’t see how this is going to start putting the spotlight on you? How people are going to start paying attention to you? Listen, I know you dislike- ”

“ -Subjective.” Steve interjected as he folded his arms over his chest.

“Okay, _really_ dislike my father but using him like this, getting an endorsement from him as well as networking with other known artists and people from the art community will only be a good thing for you.”

Steve didn’t miss a beat, stepping towards him, “And a bad thing for you. He has you wrapped around his little finger.”

“You don’t think I don’t know that? It’s something I can handle Steve.”

“That’s the thing though Buck, there’s gonna be a point where you won’t be able to and I don’t want to be a reason for it. I hate watching you lose pieces of yourself because of things like this.” 

Bucky stepped forward into Steve’s space, eyes softening though all Steve could focus on was that cut at the corner of his lip that kept reminding him. 

“I mean something to you, right?”

The question caught Steve off guard, blinking in silence as he looked at Bucky, soft gentle features looking at him like he was genuinely curious about his inquiry which only felt like something pressed deep into his heart and tore something out.

_More than you could ever know._

“Yeah I do Buck, but- ”

Bucky shook his head to stop him, swallowing before he responded, voice careful and full of thought. He took Steve’s hands, cupping them like they were perfect artist’s hands like they were supposed to be treated with care and respect, that pain in Steve’s heart trickled through like a current in a stream. 

“Then let me help you,” He breathed out softly, lowering precious soft blue shaded eyes, “It’s what makes me happy.”

“I don’t want you getting hurt, that’s the last thing I ever want.” Steve whispered back, afraid to raise his voice any higher and rediscover the ire Bucky tucked away to address him.

Pressing his lips together, Bucky rolled them between his teeth in thought, “Wanna make a deal then? If you think I’m going too far you tell me and I’ll stop.”

Steve leaned his head in, his forehead bumping against the crown of Bucky’s head watching him still staring at their hands, “You already know that I think you are though.” 

Lips pressed to Bucky’s scalp he could feel the light laugh ripple through him, “Well then, after this. Okay?”

Who was he kidding? Bucky could talk him out of (or into) anything easier than birds out of a tree. He nodded to him smiling softly, “Yeah, okay.”

He pulled away, groaning at his stupid hair in the mirror again noting how it was getting a bit too scruffy for his liking, “I keep wondering if I should be getting it cut.”

Bucky stood behind him, lightly tucking his chin against one broad shoulder smoothing out a clump of it sitting just at the back of his head, “You’re fine, just need to stop messing it up all the time.”

“I wouldn’t if it would act like normal hair.”

A giggle slipped out of Bucky, stifling it with a hand over his mouth as he stepped back so Steve could turn, looking at him in amusement.

“Are you laughing at the expectations that I have for my hair?”

Red faced, Bucky tried to raise his free hand up and shake his head, muffled laughter giving him away and Steve moved toward him with hands aiming for Bucky’s sides.

Bucky’s eyes went wide, abruptly stopping his laughs to back away into the hallway, “No Steve no! I’m sorry!”

“Are you sure Buck? You still look like you wanna laugh at me some more.”

He lunged and Bucky scrambled back, raising his hands up as a hysterical whine began building up, “No! Steve stop, I swear!”

Grinning, he pounced at him again and Bucky ran off down the hall and into the living room, Steve chuckling as he paused to look at his portfolio, giving it a small sad smile and shake of his head before he went back to fix his hair again.

  


Steve popped the tops off some imports, sliding the beers over to a pair of awaiting hands, giving them a smile and a nod before he went back to wiping up a spill near the center of the bar. He let his eyes wander to the end of the bar stools, Bucky perched by himself looking at something on his phone before he sensed being watched. He turned and locked eyes with him, passing Steve a warm soft smile while nodding along lightly with the background music. 

Steve couldn't help but pause a second from what he was doing, smiling back at him until Natasha startled him with a slap of her serving tray by his hand, smirking playfully. 

“I need two double rum and cokes..am I interrupting something?” Green eyes glanced slyly over at Bucky, giving him a playful wave.

“No,” Steve turned and grabbed a pair of glasses, “Of course not.” 

It was too busy to talk but Bucky's smiles were a nice distraction when he can afford it and it was only when he went to take the order of some guy in a really expensive suit did he really feel like it wasn’t just something he could do the whole night as he hoped.

"What can I get you?"

The guy held out a folded bill with a smooth casual smile across his face, "I'd like a double scotch and soda and I was wondering if I could order that guy at the far end in the black shirt a chocolate martini."

Steve couldn't help the look on his face, a mild state of confusion, maybe a little dumbfounded considering Bucky was swinging back a bottle of beer and nodding to someone on the karaoke stage singing to Alice in Chains while he mouthed the words to himself, it was just he didn't think his friend was revealing anything about himself that screamed _chocolate martini_.

"If you're buying, sure I can make that."

The guy smiled, "Thanks, keep the change."

Making the mystery guy’s drink first, the closer he got to pouring the martini out, the more Steve was curious about how Bucky would take it.

"What the fuck is this?"

Steve grinned, tilting his head to the other end of the bar, "You have an admirer. Apparently you exude loud and clear that you want one."

Bucky lightly traced the end of the martini glass picking up the condensation, "I like martini's but I don't always drink them, weird he'd think I want one. I mean I don't mind them, just..you know."

He raised the glass, looking down the line of people to the handsome man looking at him giving him a polite smile before they both set their glasses back down.

"You gonna talk to him?"

Bucky snorted, "Heck no, not right now at least. I’m not drunk enough, though he is pretty on the eyes. Besides I'm going home with you aren't I?"

Steve tried his best to tone down the smile appearing across his face, "Yeah but you don't get sex coming home with me. You might with tailored suit guy."

He only shrugged, taking a delicate sip letting indulgence of the chocolate and vodka dance along his tongue for a moment, "His problem, not mine."

Steve could only snort, going back to work. Tall dark and handsome kept himself at bay but Steve knew it wasn’t in Bucky’s nature to not flirt, keeping enough eye contact and subtle actions like letting his fingers stroke the glass to keep the guy reeled in and leading to ordering Bucky at least two more martini’s. 

Placing the latest chocolate martini down on a coaster, Steve shook his head, “I see you’ve mastered getting free drinks to a science.”

Bucky only smiled, “Natalia taught me. Women are perfect creatures to learn from you know. You can pick up a lot when they’re teaching you how to offer up _just enough_ to keep a guy wondering.” 

Steve grinned, “Yeah but you’re not exactly a woman or a bottom, don’t guys usually hitting on you think the latter?”

Tilting his head, Bucky grinned wider giving him a wink as he brought the glass up, “Of all people, you should be understanding of wanting to switch my friend. I can be _very_ convincing.”

Yeah, Bucky was right on both cases.

“Ah! There you are my perfect little monster. When you said to meet you here I was hoping it wasn’t a place I’d have to go far and wide looking for you.”

Steve raised his head as Bucky turned to look over his shoulder, Loki wrapping an arm around Bucky’s neck, fingers running down the front of his chest as he pressed a kiss into his cheek. A folded slip of paper tucked into one hand pulling back to look around, “Well Steven, isn’t it customary to offer a drink?”

He chuckled, nodding, “Of course Loki, I seemed to have lost my manners I guess. What’ll you have?”

“Put it on my tab.” Bucky interrupted.

Loki let out a pleasantly pleased sound, “White crisp wine my handsome Greek God.”

Steve couldn’t help feeling the color race to his face, giving his head a shake, “Coming right up.”

He watched the pair of them speak closely about something, both parting when Steve rested a full wine glass on one of the coasters, sliding it over beside Bucky’s martini glass. Loki flashed him a mischievous smile, taking the glass and brushing fingers along Bucky’s shoulder, the pair of them sharing a loaded look before he turned and wandered off to look for his friend.

A lull arrived a bit later and he watched Bucky from the corner of his eye trail his tongue out, the tip of it grazing along the corner of his bottom lip to catch the bit of chocolate sugar settled there as he stared at his half drunk martini lost in his head. Steve only stopped when a girl approached him with long lashes and a low cut top, smiling eagerly at him. She held out her bill for the table with an order for a couple beers and Steve was more than obliging in ringing that up for her. 

It was the moment the tables turned and Bucky glanced over watching her blush as she fumbled for her wallet like a lot of girls did around Steve. Eyes running over biceps that didn’t know how to hide themselves, sleeves sometimes short like today, rolling up on him while he worked and not bothering to fix them. Some girls asked to touch his pecs or played with his name tag as an excuse anyway. This one didn’t, fingers shaking while handing out her credit card and smiling bashfully. 

It was cute, sort of, he supposed while Steve had no clue what was going on, running the card and currently bopping his body along to whatever was being played on the karaoke machine. Bucky sipped at his drink casually as he watched Steve return the card with her receipt and the beers she wanted giving her a gentle squeeze on her arm and flashing a smile before the poor girl made her way out of there or else he was sure she was going to pass out.

Bucky grinned as he stared at his friend wipe down the area that left wet rings from the beer, Steve finally looking over.

“What’re you grinning at?”

“Just how blind are you?”

He blinked, “What do you mean?”

“Nothing, just that girl was almost falling to pieces over you. She’s lucky she had the bar in front of her or she woulda fell into you in a faint.”

Steve could only roll his eyes and Bucky laughed, shrugging helplessly because that’s all he could really do right then watching him walk away to attend to a group of guys that wanted a round of double shots before they went up on stage.

Bucky waved him over after, “Do me a favor, if I get drunker and start eyeballing that guy or some guys, convince me that I’m not interested.” 

Steve nodded, watching Bucky pluck the chocolate stick out of his drink to eat it wiggling his brows at him while the blond could only chuckle backing away and turning to help another customer.

“Surprise!”

A chill ran down Bucky’s spine. He didn’t have to look to see who’s voice that was, he only looked up from his drink to Steve’s face to see it change to absolute happiness, brightening and wisely setting down the glass of beer he was pouring.

“Tony! What are you doing here?”

Bucky finally took a quick glance past his shoulder, Stark wiggling in between a pair of customers perched on stools more than happy to give Tony a berth, “Can’t a guy come in and surprise his one and only?”

Steve’s face flushed crimson, finishing off what he was doing while Pietro moved over to help and giving Steve a few minutes.

“Of course he can, it’s just a shock. I’m so happy to see you!”

Grinning, Tony shrugged looking quite pleased with himself, “I got work finished up early and knew you were here so I decided to drop in.” 

Bucky frowned, the new situation threw things off, not that he had anything really planned Stark showing up was just not in any range of random things possibly happening. His senses felt dulled though he hadn't drank too much yet, he just felt hollow inside. Steve completely changing to some puppy mode who solely focused on Tony and work. He supposed it made sense even if it led to making him feel like a fool because no one, not even himself believed that little tiny minuscule window of _hope_ Bucky always kept alive.

The mystery executive in a suit guy was still there, texting on a phone and nursing a third beer, Bucky hovering a hand over a half full vodka cran Pietro brought over, because he was some sort of mind reader, thinking to himself before he finally decided he was done with being here front row to the crap he didn’t want to see and he was going to go make nice. He climbed away and maneuvered around some people, eyeing broad back as he tucked himself between his potential candidate and some other person on the stool next to him.

“So tell me, why?”

Surprised hazel eyes glanced up, looking at Bucky and suddenly a smile broke out, “Why the martini?”

Bucky nodded, studying his face carefully.

“You just seem like that, deceptively sweet and harmless.” He put his hand out, “Name’s Kyle.”

Bucky took his hand, shaking it with a playful honey dipped smile, “Bucky. And maybe you’re correct on that one.”

Kyle was about the same height as him, lean and muscular, had dark hair and a fine layer of stubble. He tilted his head to a couple of empty side booths by the stage, someone getting ready to start a new song. He gave Bucky a curious raise of brows, “I like the song about to start, interested in sitting over there?”

Grey eyes glanced towards Steve, jaw clenched briefly watching him serve another drink and giving Tony a wink not even noticing Bucky’s seat was filled by someone completely different. Spite filled his senses, nodding to his new company, “Let’s go, I love this song too.” 

 

“You think it’s about time we get out of here?” Kyle inquired staring at him with a smirk, his brow raised as Bucky looked around the bar. Knew he was being stupid and scanning the crowd until they stopped, Tony and Steve kissing each other like teenagers by the dimly lit hall to the bathrooms. Tony's hands roving around under Steve's shirt. 

“Y-yeah, probably.”

He shook his head, climbing out of the booth and pulling his leather jacket trying to tramp down the hurt he was feeling knowing there was no reason to. They both moved towards the doors, a large crowd of drunks blocking the exit, the drift to get outside managing to be barely a trickle. Bucky couldn’t help looking back one last time, hands twitching lightly against his jeans, barely registering fingers brushing against his. 

He glanced to his side, Kyle cocking his head casually at the pair before he leaned closer him, "Forget about them." 

They managed to get outside, Bucky shaking his head, “Sorry, his boyfriend’s a dick.” 

Fingers circled loosely around one of Bucky’s wrists and Kyle shrugged casually, “It’s his loss for the night, my gain huh?”

Kyle pushed his mouth against Bucky’s lips and Bucky felt himself lean into it his free hand moving to the back of the Kyle's head to hold him in firmly, the kiss rough and passionate dissolving any thoughts of Steve as much as it could. Hands gently pushed at his hips guiding him towards the back parking lot, their lips not releasing each other until his new friend blindly bumped his own back against the brick wall, grinning apologetically. Bucky shook his head tugging him back into his chest, mirroring his expression, faces inches from his, hands feeling out Kyle’s body hiding under the silk dress shirt that happened to slip out of neatly pressed slacks, nodding to him in a light daze, agreeing to his comment.

“Definitely his loss.”

"Tony.." Steve pressed his hands against his boyfriend’s chest, drawing away for a moment to catch his breath, Tony snaking his arms around Steve's neck while the blond frantically looked around. "Hold on, I just..where's Bucky?" 

"Who cares? Barnes is a big boy. He can take care of himself." He leaned in to kiss Steve again against the background of the heavy bass music blaring out around them. It sank into their bones and it was actually making Tony feel really good.

Steve tilted his head away looking around, “No, I promised to keep an eye out for him but that was,” He looked at his watch, “Dammit, over an hour ago..” 

He saw Loki chatting up someone, their eyes catching. He flashed him a quick smile gesturing for the raven haired male to come over and he obliged with a swing of his hips.

“What is it, Darling?”

“Have you seen Bucky?”

Loki pointed towards the doors, “He was with a very sexy looking man in a business suit, but they left together. I suppose we all know what their next plan of action is, don’t we?"

Steve let out a heavy sigh, “He left? With that martini guy, oh God.” 

Tony nuzzled his boyfriend’s neck, “What’s the big deal?”

“Look, I have a very charming lad buying me drinks so if you will both excuse me.” He leaned in, giving Steve a soft kiss on his cheek as a bid farewell, gaining a scowl from Tony and it only seemed to please Loki more, walking off.

“Bye Loki. And the big deal is he had asked me talk him out of doing that.”

Steve tried to call his cell phone but found it going straight to voice mail.

Tony still didn’t see the big deal, “So? He changed his mind about it. People do that all the time.”

“Obviously he asked me for a reason, he doesn’t just change his mind over something like that. I know him enough to know if he wanted to just sleep around he would and if he asks me to keep him from doing that there’s a reason. Suddenly going back on what he said isn’t exactly normal from Bucky which only makes me wonder what got to him.” 

Shrugging because he really didn’t care much, Tony turned back towards the bar grabbing his drink from the back gulping it down, “You worry about him too much Sweetheart. If it’s a bad thing he’s going to call you right? He always calls _you_ to make it better.”

Steve was off in thought until Tony was speaking, frowning at the jab at the end but there was nothing he could really do, his break was almost over and unfortunately as much as Tony was snarking, he was right that all he could do was wait for Bucky to call him.

 

The bedroom on the highest floor in the building was furnished with only one thing, a bed if you ignore the two small nondescript side tables at either side of it. Thick off-white carpeting tucked itself underneath with three of the four walls made out of glass. The view was spectacular but if Bucky was there for that, he supposed there would have been a problem.

He threw the blanket off his upper body panting out as he ran a hand over his sweat moistened face. The down blanket still managing to cover most of his flushed body, bare skin revealing itself where it could. Kyle popping his head out from under the covers beside him, rolling up onto his back with a grin, “That was fun.”

Bucky groaned out rolling onto his side, facing his back to him as he reached out to grab some tissues off the side table and take off his condom, “Your definition of ‘fun’ is being a tease. It’s not my definition of fun.”

The brunette laughed out behind him, the sound of shuffling before Bucky heard the distinct sound of a lighter being flicked and shortly the scent of a cigarette. “I’m pretty sure the sounds you were making are classified as fun.”

Bucky chewed his lip, shaking his head when the cigarette appeared over his shoulder. “Oh _that_ part was fun. I’m talking about what you did earlier to get me going.”

The male tucked an arm under his head laughing out as he stared up at the ceiling blowing smoking towards it. His eyes studied the potted lights that were turned off at the moment, the bustling city below giving off just enough light to cast a hazy glow in the darkness of the room while morning skies were slowly waking up from its slumber. “Oh _that_ , no that was definitely fun. For me at least. For you, not so much. Had to do something to drive you crazy. Remember, I’m the one who figured you were into chocolate martini’s.”

A soft hum escaped Bucky as he sat himself up just as Kyle’s cell went off. He was quick to answer it and began to talk about this and that as if he currently wasn’t laying in bed naked, more like he was hanging out at the mall completely casual. 

Bucky was honestly glad for the distraction. Bedroom talk was never his thing after sex unless of course it was with Johnny, temporarily getting rid of an ache was one thing but then discussing what they did, or feelings or whatever other shit that came up wasn’t something he wanted. On the upside this wasn’t his place and he was good to leave if he so chose. He scooped up his boxer briefs pulling them on and retrieved his clothes from off the floor, tugging them on as a cold sensation crept up his spine. The conversation was still going on in the bedroom over the phone as he walked through the scarce penthouse suite, helping himself to a water and straightening out his hair in the reflection of the metal reflecting off the fridge. 

Haphazardly pulling his leather jacket on from off the couch, he stepped outside onto the small balcony leaning against the rail, pulling the jacket tighter around him. The breeze was stronger up here, its icy fingers wrapping around Bucky’s body. He shuddered involuntarily, hunching his shoulders tighter together, the sweat that lingered on his skin drying out making another layer of cold for him. Every instinct told him to go back inside but he stood his ground instead, peering down at the lights far down below, silently watching the cars moving around, the day still half lost in the darkness. 

He wanted the cold to sink into him like a form of punishment. Maybe make him feel like he was still alive instead of empty like he did now, the feeling not a stranger to him but always hoped it was going to change something when it did arrive. He felt the heavy weight of the phone in his hands, mulling over the thought of calling. He glanced back over his shoulder, pausing in hindsight and confused as to why he would feel like he was doing something _wrong_. 

He moved his fingers across the screen and soon it rang, ear pressed to it as if his life depended on it.

_Two rings.._

“Bucky?”

He felt himself sink into the warmth of his voice, letting his eyes close momentarily. He lost the hollow holding his heart and he felt awake again.

“Hey.”

“Hey?” 

He knew already that Steve knew something was wrong, his voice filled with that concern he couldn’t hide no matter how hard he tried, his tone lowered and soft. If Bucky could live off that gentle sound, he would. 

“I needed to hear your voice.” 

He sucked in a silent breath, wincing and cursing at himself. Bucky never meant to admit that. He felt so vulnerable right then, hearing the barely there sharp intake of Steve’s breath that he was sure he tried to hide. He picked it up too easily and he felt himself internally cringe but he couldn’t let himself worry about it, he only wanted him to keep on the line. 

Steve was shuffling, “Just..hold on..one sec..”

Resting the elbow on the railing that held the phone, Bucky only bowed his head. He rubbed his face in outright frustration at himself, turning just enough out of the wind’s grasp to not have it as part of the conversation. 

A door opened, then closed. “Buck, are you okay?”

He sighed out deeply, “Did I interrupt you and Tony?”

“What? Oh, no he’s sleeping already.”

That hollow feeling came back, forcing Bucky to move back away from the rail. Instead he sank down against the wall, holding his legs up against his chest.

“Bucky?”

“I’m here.”

“I’m glad you called.”

He raised a brow in confusion, not sure what to say. They weren’t even in the same room and the tension felt so deep. The heaviness was pressing down on his shoulders and he had momentarily no idea what was meant by that, shock holding on to him and finally he nodded almost automatically. 

“Yeah, me too.”

Bucky knew it wasn’t really any sort of intimate gesture other than being close friends but the feeling was good and pure. He knew it was because Steve meant the things he said to him, it was never something he had to take with a grain of salt. He was safe to take them and relish in them because they were honest and true. 

“Where are you?”

“Kyle’s..uh that chocolate martini guy’s penthouse.”

“Are you okay? Did something happen? Fuck I’m so stupid you asked me to watch you and I messed up.” The abrupt urgency in his voice made Bucky’s heart race, he couldn’t help choking out a small laugh, a blush rushing over his face.

“Nah you didn’t, not at all. It’s okay. Just sitting on his balcony. He’s on the phone and I wanted to talk.”

_And I’m so fucking lonely and I wish you were home so you could tell me to come over._

The hurt was coming, the pain deep and sharp and he felt like he wanted to cry. He had no idea why he felt so disgusting, bowing his head, pressing his forehead into his palm. 

“Are you sure you’re alright, Buck?”

_I want you so badly, Steve._

Bucky raised his head, “Yeah, just feeling weird.”

The understatement of the century his mind piped in.

He listened to Steve draw in a slow breath, Bucky pushed his palm into the concrete, enduring the stinging feeling ripple in him. He tilted his head back as his tears threatened to fall, blinking them away as much as he could. Teeth sank into the flesh of his lower lip, self aware of his breathing.

“I’m coming to get you, text me the address.” 

He hung up on him before Bucky could respond, leaving him to stare at his phone for a long moment until his thumbs worked through the numbness it felt and began to type in the address, Steve responding with an _on my way_.

They never said anything, not when he arrived, not when he climbed up behind him on his bike, not when they made it inside his apartment. Steve followed him with every footstep until they reached the bathroom, Bucky locking himself inside and Steve stood there, wondering and worrying til the shower went on. 

His hand came up, softly pressing into the wood, his index finger tracing the grain as he listened to the sound of the shower curtain opening then closing. He safely pressed his forehead against the door, sighing out loud as seconds ticked internally away.

“I’m in love with you.” Steve let out low and barely higher than a whisper like he was still in disbelief over it, “I’m goddamn in love with _you_ and I don’t know how to stop loving you. And I’m scared Buck, I’m terrified about it evolving because I can’t shake it off and this can’t keep happening. It can’t. I know something’s gonna give, something’s gonna give and it won’t be pretty. I know, but tell me what to do. _Please_. ”

Bucky watched the water run down the drain, hot and almost scalding across the expanse of his back. The constant stream ran over his head and over the plains of his body trying to form some sort of barrier of warmth around him that never came. He sat on the floor of the tub hugging his knees, anxious and upset and all he could do was stare at the swirling water, the thoughts roaming through his mind a cloud of smoke and flashes. 

The knock startled him out of his head, tilting his head a slight, finally feeling the cool water cascading over goosefleshed skin, realizing he was trembling. He turned off the shower, toweling himself and tying it at the waist. He opened the door only to be greeted with a change of clothes waiting for him on the floor. He pulled them on and moved to the bedroom, his skin prickly and cold, ignoring the shiver that tried to roam through. Steve sat at the corner edge of the bed, waiting and watching. He rested his hands on his knees, Bucky slipping an icy hand under his, thumb stroking skin and feeling the heat of his body penetrate into the surface of his skin. 

Steve’s blue endless sky eyes stared in silent worry at him and Bucky only tugged him across the bed. He followed, keeping his eyes steady on him as he settled before Bucky, both of them laying side by side facing each other as Bucky tugged the blanket over their heads like a barrier.

They studied each other, so many things unsaid behind their eyes and Steve could only wrap an arm around Bucky’s waist, his other pressing into his upper back. He tilted his forehead in, pressing it against the brunette’s, feeling Bucky slip his hands up between their bodies, cupping Steve’s cheeks gingerly.

“Buck, talk to me.”

He made a small helpless sigh and Steve wasn’t sure if he would speak. 

All he did was wait quietly.

“I just feel so lonely..”

Steve shook his head, pulling Bucky hard into his chest, fingers dragging through his damp deep mahogany hair, tucking his chin against the top of his head. “You aren’t though, Buck. You have people that love you and there’s me, I’ll always be your Stevie. You know that." 

He sighed at the feel of Bucky’s arms moving to wrap around his ribs, his own hand sliding along the back of his shirt, stroking his spine through the thin material trying to warm up tepid skin. He felt Bucky push in tighter to him, like he wasn’t able to get enough of what he needed. Steve ran his fingers cumbersome and heavy through hair earning the sound of a soft shiver and sigh, Bucky comfortably pressing his face against the side of Steve’s neck, warm lips brushing skin and Steve forced his eyes to close, hesitating to even breathe. 

Steve felt Bucky melt against his body as much as he could before he ended up quietly weeping into Steve’s skin, sad soft agonizing sounds of pain slipping out and Steve could only hold him tighter and hush him gently. His fingers dug into Bucky’s skin, reminding him he was there for him always.

He couldn't get enough of how warm Steve always felt, how stupidly gentle he was with him. Bucky knew he could talk about anything with him, and Steve laid there waiting but he didn’t want to say anything more. His mind tired from swirling various thoughts that relayed nothing back but lonely sadness, tears flowing and everything felt so hard to do except when he was here breaking rules he always tried to follow, itching and wanting to break more to be happy just with Steve and angry at himself for being so naive and stupid over letting his heart speak for itself instead of locking it away like he should have. He only tightened his grip around Steve’s ribs and buried his fingers into the fabric of his shirt, silently begging him not to let him go.

 

Bucky abruptly awoke with sleep fighting to keep its hold on him, a yawn escaping while knuckles brushed over closed eyes the footsteps by the front reminding him why he was even up covered in two layers of blanket and hogging both pillows. The bed was empty beside him, his bogged down brain slowly realizing it had only been a couple of hours, the sun barely up around gold washed clouds dark beneath trying to loom around in warning. 

Behind him at the bedroom door, Steve kicked off his running shoes and Bucky felt his bones protest when he rolled to his opposite side to look at him, sinking in comfortably at the center of the bed eyes catching a white box with white string sealing it up while precariously holding two coffees above it.

Steve beamed, “Hey, I was hoping you were up. Are you feeling okay?"

Bucky nodded, flashing a small smile, "Yes, thank you for being there..”

His friend’s expression softened, “Buck, I- ”

Shaking his head, Bucky pointed to the box, “What is that? You smell like cinnamon."

He got the message, switching gears begrudgingly, "Oh, that's not me."

The whole room actually began to smell like cinnamon, senses finally awake enough to take in more of the scene watching idly as Steve put the goodies on the dresser to hastily change out of his sweater and t-shirt while Bucky watched the show in appreciation. Manners still around to his disappointment when he did the same to one pair of sweats for another, a thud of feet while doing that in the hall.

“I’ve seen you naked you know.”

Steve shook his head, walking back in and picking up the pair of coffees with the box, “By accident, I’m not you.” 

Bucky raised a brow, cuddling around the blankets, “You haven’t seen me naked, unless you’ve taken a peek while stripping me or something.”

Steve rolled his eyes, “Of course not.”

He held up a white box to change the subject, "I bought us some freshly baked cinnamon rolls from the bakery those two girls opened up a couple weeks ago and a mocha for you."

Before Bucky could even open his mouth, Steve stopped him with a wider grin as he sat himself down on the mattress, "..And no raisins." 

Bucky leaned towards the box to take another whiff and his eyes practically rolled to the back of his head as he moaned out in pleasure. The sound alone immediately transferred Steve's brain to every single dirty moment he'd had watching Bucky licking sauces, icing, _anything_ off his long slender fingers and he hastily distracted himself, pressing Bucky’s coffee into his awaiting hands as he set his own down to the side and undid the thin bow revealing four large still warm rolls shining with thick dollops of icing melting down at the sides.

It was enough to coax Bucky to sit up, taking a sip of his drink while Steve grabbed some napkins and forks, “I dunno about you but I don’t wanna get my bed sticky.”

He rolled his eyes the minute Bucky smirked at him and took a fork choosing to let the comment go in return for food. He wasn’t going to wait, taking a bit off at a corner with plenty of icing, easily pulling apart like it was made of clouds. Bucky fell against Steve’s arm and took a bite humming out in happiness and dropping his head against his shoulder, “You’re perfect Stevie don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”

Laughing, he took his own bite playfully nudging him, “Why’s that?”

“For this, and for..a lot. I’m not very good with words,” He licked the icing off his fork, pressing it to his bottom lip as he thought lost in what he wanted to say because there was a lot inside of him but so little formed into what could come out of his mouth. “You should always be happy.”

It sounded so simple and naked when it came out, it hadn’t been the first time but he was never used to it, taking another forkful to stop himself from mumbling out something more embarrassing because he really saw no point to even what he did say. His urge to keep rambling over and over to Steve about how much he adored him was probably a little creepy and sometimes it was hard for him to keep him mouth closed. 

Steve hummed in appreciation but Bucky gently elbowed him, “Don’t say anything, I’m rambling.”

Steve kept his mouth closed, savoring the flavors dancing around in his mouth, his gaze keeping watch of Bucky’s body language. He kept up a genial face but he was concerned still about earlier events even if he had no idea what to do about it since Bucky didn’t even want to address it at either time. 

He concluded to tuck it away like every other thing Bucky seemed to not want to focus on hoping of all hopes maybe his doctor was able to get time with it not that he would really find out if she did or not. He smiled thoughtfully, settling the box in Bucky’s lap changing the subject more for himself than anything, “Think I might hit the store and grab an extra string of lights for the window here, what do you think?”

Mouth full and nodding before he even finished, Bucky grinned, “Yes!”

“You’ll say yes to anything Christmas, won’t you?”

“It’s Christmas, of course I will.” He shot back after swallowing down what he was in his mouth breaking off another piece of roll for himself, dabbing it into some of the icing dribbling inside at the bottom of the box before he glanced towards the window, “Besides, you think the same way so don’t even start. When are we decorating this place anyway?”

“Sam is bringing Nat a tree today and then he’s bringing a tree for me tomorrow so don’t make any plans.”

  
_**Stevie:**_ Where are you?

Bucky stared at the text message for the longest time, surrounded by clean white table linen and silver cutlery. The centerpiece white candles had been removed since the last time he had been here, now replaced by a large round vase holding green and red small baubles speckled with silver and one large lit candle. He liked it, just as much as he liked the soft piano playing somewhere at the back by a decorated Christmas tree.

He looked up towards the door one more time, glancing at couples sitting at tables around him all dressed in their dinner best and servers walking past him giving polite smiles and nods. He rested his elbows up, hovering thumbs over his cell and thinking about what to say.

_**Bucky:**_ Think I’ve been stood up.  
_**Stevie:**_ Stood up?  
_**Bucky:**_ Blind date. No show.  
_**Stevie:**_ I’m still out shopping for some extra decorations in the Village, where are you?  
_**Bucky:**_ I’m at a restaurant in LM, Matos?  
_**Stevie:**_ Give me a few.  
_**Bucky:**_ ???

Bucky sighed inwardly, Steve stopped answering and he shrunk back into his chair. He supposed if his date _did_ come in, Steve could discreetly back out of there and leave, no one would be the wiser. 

_‘Cept that he’s coming for you._

His heart interrupted his thoughts rather rudely and he couldn’t smother the shy smile peeking at his lips, dropping his head forward to hide it as if everyone would know why he was smiling like that. The heat at his ears only pressed color across his nose trying his hardest to push the ideas aside because this was Steve and Steve had Tony and he had some stupid blind date that didn’t show up and that Steve was only being who he always was, just Steve. 

He distracted himself on his phone so he could avoid the eyes of his server coming by asking if he was still doing fine and refilling his water for him. He idly chewed away at one of the packets of oyster crackers only to feel his stomach protesting that this was not a meal. 

He was fine until the moment Steve stepped in and Bucky happened to look up; it was like a collision of something striking into his heart and just _pull_ , emotion threatening to undo him, excitement pulsing through as he tried his best to calm the teenager-like reaction at seeing him.

Steve felt almost the same intensity, a protective instinct settling into his bones when he spied Bucky raising his head up to look at him, dressed in a suit with his hair neatly done yet completely alone at his table, cheeks a soft hue of pink the moment they caught eyes. He walked over and sat himself across from him with a smile.

“Nothing yet?”

“I think they saw me and left. I don't know, they're really late."

He dropped his eyes down and Steve pressed his lips together, frowning in sympathy and possibly a little in anger that someone would think that of him. His hand rested against Bucky's, thumb lightly caressing his skin, "There is no way someone saw you and left. Maybe they’re stuck in traffic."

Bucky only shrugged, spreading his fingers so Steve’s own could slip in between them, recovering quickly with a small smile across his lips, "Can you stick around for dinner with me?"

"How long have you been waiting?"

"Maybe thirty..five minutes?"

Steve scoffed, "You must have really liked this person on some level to wait that long."

He laughed lightly with a shrug, "I don't know. Maybe? He seemed nice when we chatted but now he’s not replying to my messages. My palms are sweating and I just feel anxious."

Steve smiled softly, taking the hand that was in his and pulling him from the table while his other hand picked up Bucky’s peacoat off the back of his chair, "C'mon let's go."

He dropped a ten down on the table for the drink Bucky was nursing after having too many waters and they ducked out of the restaurant before their waiter came back the both of them taking a brisk walk along the sidewalk before Bucky eventually stopped him, "What's going on?"

Steve turned to face him completely, a childish grin across his lips as he reached forward undoing his friend’s tie, sliding it off his neck and stuffing it into Bucky’s suit coat pocket. He unbuttoned the one button keeping Bucky's suit jacket closed, moving his hands up to the top to loosen it open before he undid a couple of top buttons on his shirt and smoothed that out.

"That's done.."

"Steve.."

Steve only grinned wider, a twinkle in his eye moving his hands to slide deep into Bucky's side swept hair only to ruffle and mess it up, combing the loose lightly wavy strands around watching it fall and tumble to the sides and brushing it away from his eyes.

"What are you doing, I spent a good amount of time getting ready for this."

"It's not _you_ Bucky, it's your good boy persona, no one wants that. No one that matters anyway, you need to be you."

Bucky's heart was racing, his eyes staring at Steve's brows pressed together in a set determination and he leaned in, chest almost pressing to chest. The urge to kiss him pressing and prodding at him. He brushed his fingers along his cheek and Steve stopped looking him over, blue eyes staring back at him. As much as Bucky wanted to, he couldn't. Moving in only to hug him tight and a small sound slipped out of Steve caught off guard, wrapping his arms around his waist.

"Always calling me a sap. Look at you."

Bucky smiled, lips brushing along Steve's skin just below his ear, "Just shut up and let me hug you Punk."

He was pretty sure he heard Steve grumble out Jerk back at him but his face was pressed into his coat jacket and he lost most of whatever he did say. 

Steve took him to a pizza joint that he knew would be packed to the gills at this hour but he raved that it was a piece of heaven. Bucky trusted his judgment and well who could say no to pizza? They had a couple of beers and split an extra large meat lovers with extra cheese before they shared an family size banana split sundae made for four while they rambled on about classic rock and eighties music. All Steve could take in was Bucky once again full of goofy smiles and pouring over their table with his arms folded along the surface and his chin resting on them while he was looking up at him at full attention. His dark blue suit coat soaked into his eyes, a beautiful deep forbidden blue that Steve couldn’t take his eyes off of, Bucky intent on listening to him gush on about how in love he was with Depeche Mode in high school and how much Sam wanted to kill him for singing _Walking in my Shoes_ off key whenever he was around. 

They both stepped out of the pizza place buttoning up coats surrounded in the brisk air and a grin suddenly appeared across Steve’s face as he looked out towards the sky. His hand suddenly found Bucky’s and started to lead him towards where he parked his bike, “Was that better than whatever you were going to have?”

Bucky pretended to think about it, “Well, I did have an urge for ameijoas a bulhao pato, but I guess a flunking blind date can be a turn off and I can always go there another time.”

The corner of Steve’s lip twitched, soaking in the way Bucky's accent fell in automatically as he pronounced whatever dish it was he wanted to eat loving to the way it rolled off his tongue so beautifully. He shook himself out of his head, glancing at his bike, “You up for something else?”

Curiously Bucky gave him a look, “What else?”

“A surprise.”

“Rogers, the last time you said that we ended up sleeping under a whale and I got to see dinosaurs and stars.”

He glanced over with a smirk, “And you’re complaining?”

“No, I’m just saying your surprises aren’t always simple.”

Bucky wasn’t even going to question why Steve even had his second helmet in tow, taking it when he offered watching him climb on and hand him his shopping bag of decorations to hold that he had been toting about, “Well this one’s straight forward, I promise. Just trust me.”

Sighing with a roll of his eyes, Bucky climbed on behind him, “I hope they’re okay with a guy in a suit.” 

Steve chuckled, “Definitely.”

 

They laced up their skates all the while the lump in Bucky’s throat stayed where it wanted to be, his eyes wearily watching the amount of people skating around in circles inside the large open outdoor ice rink. Some were going fast, some going slow, large groups holding hands and so many couples together. He must have been showing it on his face, Steve flashing his sympathetic puppy expression as he pressed a hand against Bucky’s knee.

“Hey you alright?”

Bucky nodded, grimacing slightly to himself as watched Steve shrug it off as he got to his feet. He put his hand out and Bucky let himself be pulled up, both of them walking side by side up to the unlatched rink door. It hadn’t even occurred to him that this would be an idea, which was stupid because it had been mentioned at least once but he kind of just figured it was random news and not something Steve would head to. He had no idea why he didn’t think Steve could skate, he had mentioned sports so many times especially stories of playing ice hockey and he never put two and two together. He finally swallowed down that lump as he stared at the frozen surface like it was something he had never seen before.

_A goddamn ice rink._

“Buck, you gotta step on it to skate you know.”

Steve smiled politely, giving him a playful wink before he stepped onto the ice and did a bit of a twirl with his hands out like he was showing off the place for him which he supposed was true. Bucky exhaled deeply watching the cloud of air dissipate up above him before he stared into blues waiting for him.

“I’ve never been skating before Stevie.” He said it quietly, nervous about being laughed at over something so simple. He could swim, he could drive a car, hell he could shoot a gun if he really had to thanks to Brock’s overzealous need to shoot assault rifles but he had never attempted to skate on ice.

Steve’s eyes went wide and curious, “You’ve never ice skated before?”

Grumping over feeling embarrassed, Bucky curled up a little into himself, “Yeah well, I’m not all-American like you are Mr. Stars and Stripes.”

Breaking out in a laugh, Steve put his hands out, “Come on, a little bit at a time. I promise I’ll take care of you.”

It took a few seconds for Bucky to think about it, eventually placing his hands timidly against Steve’s warm palms.

The second he stepped one foot out shakily and shifted his weight a tad to bring out his second foot, both legs almost went out on him. It was only Steve watching closely as he had promised that saved his ass from colliding with the cold surface that he didn’t, hands tearing from Bucky’s and gripping at his upper arms to steady him. Bucky could feel his heart pounding already wanting to get off the damn ice except when he raised his head from the death glare he was giving to the ground, Steve’s face was so close to his while still gripping tightly to his upper arms. Rosy red cheeks from the cool air met him. 

Steve smiled carefully making sure he was steady, “You okay?”

Somehow Bucky didn’t mind as much as he thought now with Steve there giving him a quiet nod before hands slipped off his arms to gently lace their fingers together again. 

His legs wobbled nervously against the slick smooth surface feeling his fingers tighten at any fraction where his skate began a preamble of going off course. He was sure his face was frozen in horror through a lot of his movements and all Steve did was smile at him and carefully maneuver him out of the crowd and closer to the large area in the center where there were mainly others learning or kids too busy entertaining each other to care about how much he sucked.

“Okay, we’re good over here. Less people to get in your way, I want you to feel out the ice with your skates and just run them back and forth, get used to it with you just moving your feet and I’ll be your wall alright?”

“Rogers, this is a terrible idea. How about we pretend we did this and I buy us both some hot oil massages from that spa over there.”

“ _Bucky_.” 

Bucky was starting to find Steve’s lecture voice very unsexy.

Steve himself took a few seconds to soak in Bucky actively offering to be naked and oiled up beside him under possibly one thin towel while they got massages and that he said no to it. It was for the greater good, he had to believe that.

“This is ridiculous.” Bucky muttered out softly, clinging tightly to Steve’s hands and he was only given a stern look trying to adjust to getting used to being in skates and moving over the ice. When Steve thought Bucky was getting some what of the hang of it, he moved a bit away, maneuvering around a few people. Bucky could only look at him wide eyed and fear struck across his face but he was only given an encouraging smile, hands out waiting for him. 

Wobbly and much too unsure of himself, he moved forward, gliding one foot then the other, a soft nub of anxiety slipping out of him as he felt more hopeful that maybe he could get it. That was until some jackass was too close as they whizzed by and in an effort to shrink away, Bucky lost his balance and fell down hard on his ass.

Steve couldn't help himself, laughing out as he shuffled over to see if he was okay. He just couldn’t get the Bambi comparison out of his head especially with the dumbfounded look across Bucky’s face when his butt hit the cold ice.

Struggling to get on one knee, Bucky grabbed a hold of one of Steve’s outstretched arms and instead of using it as leverage, retaliated by yanking the blond towards him, watching him roll off a shoulder and brace himself with a hand almost face planting into the cold surface. Sprawled on his stomach, Steve looked over in surprise just to see Bucky smile rather smugly about throwing him off. 

“Now come on, stop wasting time.” Steve uttered softly, gathering himself to his feet while Bucky stared up at him.

“I could just slide my ass to the seats, should be better suited than hitting the floor. Gonna have to rub my behind and make me feel better Stevie.”

He couldn’t help laughing, extending a hand out for Bucky, “You can rub your own butt thank you very much. I’m pretty sure you’re okay, you got enough padding over there.”

Bucky rolled his eyes, taking the offer of a hand to be effectively yanked to his feet, Steve’s free hand taking Bucky’s other hand as he began skating backwards around the rink, slow at first as Bucky looked around them in surprise.

“What are you doing?” Fingers tightening around Steve’s as the speed picked up, “I swear Rogers you’re gonna make me fall- ”

Steve only grinned wider, shrugging his shoulders, “If you fall, I’ll fall and we’ll fall together. No big deal.”

Bucky tried not to panic at the speed, cool air pushing past them and only Steve’s peripheral vision to lead him around.

If anyone happened to cut out in front of them..

“Steve, slow down a little.”

Bucky swore he only went _faster_ and he cursed out under his breath, gripping his fingers tighter around, helpless to do anything but glide across the ice at Steve’s mercy, at least he wasn’t falling.

“You just need a little practice and you’ll be okay.”

Grumbling to himself with a bit of a sour look across his face, his eyes went back to the size of saucers when one of his hands was released and instinctively he made a reach for Steve’s arm only to have it held away. Thinking quickly, he tensed up further and shot it out to balance himself hearing Steve’s laughter over his fears of dying. 

“Don’t let go of me Steve, don’t let go or I swear to God! You’re a horrible horrible teacher and I hope your future children explode and I hate you so much right now and my trust issues are expanded because you let go of my arm, Steve!”

Steve was still laughing like an idiot as he eased himself a bit, tugging Bucky into his space as his skates stomped against the ice losing all recollection of what he should and shouldn’t do, falling against the wall of muscle waiting for him, Steve wrapping his arms around Bucky’s waist and twirling him around before stopping them both midway between the ring of people going in the set rotation and the center of the ice. 

Palms rested against broad shoulders, “I hate you.”

A grin was the only response he got, Bucky willing his legs not to splay in two different directions as Steve moved around but this time slow so he could try to actually get some bearings into actually skating trying his best to keep a grouse look across his face even if he was happy being tucked against Steve like he was, asshole that he is.

He took advantage and slipped his arms securely around his friend’s neck his thighs close enough to feel the minute movements of Steve shifting his hips with his weight as he moved around the ice, large hands tucked at his lower back and grinning like a jackass.

“Are you having fun scaring me and not really showing me how to skate? Was this your plan all along?”

Steve grinned wider, blue eyes bright, “Nah, I wanted to teach you but this is funner. I realized having an upper hand with something is nice for once. You always seem to have the ability to do everything.”

Scoffing, Bucky only rolled his eyes peering up at the grey skies above them, strings of big white fairy lights were strung up high over their heads, speakers at each corner piping out cheerful Christmas classics, light streams of body heat disappearing into the sky. It was rather romantic which Bucky sighed out loud at.

He went back to what he was saying before Steve could start questioning him, “I can’t do anything.”

Steve twirled them around slowly, curving around a bend delicately, “You cook, you can dance, as much of a slob as you are you’re clearly well cultured and speak only God knows how many languages.”

“I’ve been groomed to do those things. It’s not some talent thing.”

“It’s still amazing and you still like doing those things.”

“I’m a huge klutz though, my butt is currently cold and the back of my suit probably has a wet patch on it.”

Steve shrugged casually as they continued drifting, “The ice is just profiling your greatest _ASS_ et.”

Trying not to grin, Bucky shook his head, “Stop talking, you’re terrible like your jokes.”

“I will when you stop smiling to them.”

Bucky playfully hit his shoulder, lips curling up into another helpless smile. Steve only returned it and everything felt right just like this. Bucky felt right, Steve felt right, fingers sliding into blond hair and everyone ceasing to exist anymore. His feet stayed together and quietly followed Steve’s lead and everything was right in the world. 

“I like this, I like..I like being here with you Stevie. Thank you.” He admitted softly, looking away to avoid his eyes because he had to tell him even though he wasn’t sure why.

Steve’s cheeks seemed to redden more than they already were from the cold, the color splashed across his nose and tucked underneath his eyes. Fingers tightened at Bucky’s lower back and Steve opened his mouth, reality tearing through when _Sexy and I know it_ started to play out of Steve’s pocket. 

He startled, slowing down and stopping as he fished out his phone, “That’s Tony. Give me a second.”

Bucky pulled away as much as he could, gripping one of Steve’s arms to keep himself from crashing but pushing to stand beside him.

“Hey Tony, what’s up?”

Bucky pointed towards the middle area, letting go to try to make his way over there not exactly sure what the hell he was doing but absolutely flustered as he attempted to keep a lid on the surge of his feelings trying to bubble to the surface.

“So, I was thinking..”

“That’s not good.” Steve teased, eyes lingering over at Bucky carefully moving along before he turned away smiling at the sound of Tony’s voice.

“Well look who’s getting a bit sassy. Anyway, I was free and was thinking about getting a bite to eat, have some wine, do a little dancing. You look great when you’re moving around on the dance floor, better idea! We order in, I got tons of wine and you dance for me.” 

Steve laughed, “Tony, I already ate. Besides I’m ice skating right now, you should come out.”

“Because I’m readily available to freeze my butt in the cold. Did Rhodey put you up to this?”

“Of course not, I really am at the ice rink.” Steve promptly took a picture of it _without_ Bucky in it and sent it over to him.

“Huh, how people go ice skating voluntarily I wouldn’t know. Well how about this, you do that and maybe later you could come over and we can warm up together? How’s that sound?”

Beaming, Steve nodded, “Sounds great. I’ll see you in a few hours.”

“I’ll be here.”

He was about to pocket his phone when it rang again, this time Sam’s face popping up on the screen doing a cheesy grin and an eager wave. 

“Hey Sam, what’s up?”

“Steve, are you home yet? I wanna drop off some stew my auntie Joy made me, still sinfully good but don't tell her I said that or she'll send my ass to church. Also she made me promise you got it and says hi."

Steve smiled, "Let her know I said hi back and maybe I could pick it up or you could drop it off tomorrow maybe? I'm not at home right now."

"Man, how long does it take a gay man to shop for decorations? Wait, don't answer that. I'm kidding by the way but isn't it getting late?"

Steve glanced towards Bucky hemming and hawwing to himself with his arms out and moving bit by bit in crooked fearful circles, his brows lost into his hair and eyes big and wide.

"I a..I sorta ran into Bucky."

" _Steve_ ," Sam turned on his _don't screw with me_ voice, "How did you happen to just _run_ into him?"

Turning his back to the rink, he leaned against the boards staring at the decorated stores surrounding them rubbing his face a little, "He was on some blind date Natasha set up and while he was waiting for whoever it was we started sending texts to each other. I wasn't too far from where he was, he got stood up so we went out to eat."

"So, let me get this straight. You went to shop for some decorations but then you changed plans and took Bucky out on a date because someone stood him up?"

Crinkling his nose, Steve shook his head, "Of course not, he got stood up so logically I wanted to be a friend and take my friend out. I showed up for moral support, you already know how upset he got when Mike signed him off. Even if he wasn't feeling it himself, it still hurt him a bit, he was willing to try again and then whoever this jerk was decided to not show up. That's shitty for anyone."

"Especially if you're Steve Rogers and someone wrongs his Bucky." Sam let out bluntly.

"He's not _my_ Bucky but you know what, it's true. If I can cheer him up, I'm gonna do it."

"By taking him out on a date."

"It _isn't_ a date!"

"It isn't huh?"

Steve frowned, he knew that tone of voice, Sam was about to set him up to knock him down and Steve wasn't about to lie to win, at least not with this.

"You two ate?"

"Yes."

"Who paid?"

"Me."

"Did he offer?"

"Yes but I told him it's on me."

"Mhm.."

Steve huffed loudly over the mouthpiece.

"Then what?"

Rolling his eyes, Steve stared up at the sky like he was praying in silence, "We're ice skating right now."

"Ooo, romantic. Are you planning to get hot chocolate after?"

"Maybe not anymore now that you're asking me if I am." He let out through grit teeth.

"Bet you were going to pay for that too."

"I asked him to go ice skating with me, of course I was going to. When you offer to go somewhere you'd like out of the blue, you're offering to pay unless you let them know up front you don't wanna pay for all of it, it's common courtesy Sam."

"It's also traditionally what you do with a date."

"I'm hanging up now Sam."

"Tell Bucky I said hi and have fun on your dat- "

Steve was _not_ going to wait for that sentence to end.

He gave himself a moment for any other calls to come in, pocketing the phone when he was satisfied. He turned to go back and make sure Bucky wasn’t flat on his back, a helpless smile on his face when he managed to see where he was again.

Steve had to admit, Bucky was so adorable even with the fear of God in his eyes. Any time he was moving too far forward he was pinwheeling his arms and his butt stuck out too far in an attempt to balance himself out. Sometimes his foot came out from under him and he caught himself looking a bit more like Bambi, the blond wasn’t sure if it was better or worse with the suit and his peacoat.

Somehow he managed to get himself stranded at the farthest end of the rink with sad brows knit together and Steve moved to go save him except that he was beaten by what looked like a ten year old little blond girl who skated up to him and took his hand saying something as she motioned towards the boards where Steve was standing. Bucky wasn’t sold on the idea but warily nodded and Steve skated around a group of people going past him to add to the support. A sigh of relief crossed Bucky’s red blotchy face, hand tightly clinging to the little girl in her mittens and his free hand reaching out for Steve’s. 

“I was only on the phone for a couple minutes, how did you manage to get out here?”

“I don’t even know, I was trying to get away from everyone skating in circles around the rink because I was getting too close and instead of getting to the middle I ended up out there.”

“That happened to me before when my mom wasn’t watching me, it happens sometimes.”

Bucky looked down at the girl, her eyes staring ahead determined to get him through the people passing around them, her free mittened hand motioning for people to get out of her way full of serious authority. He looked back at Steve with an awkward smile and Steve grinned, giving Bucky a wink. 

When they got to the edge of the rink she finally let go and smiled at him, “There you go.”

Bucky beamed at her, “Thanks for saving me Miss..?”

“Patricia but I like Patty better! And you’re welcome..um..”

“Bucky. Everyone calls me Bucky.”

She grinned, turning to Steve, “What’s your name?”

Steve pointed to himself, “Me? It’s Steve. Are you here alone?”

Patty shook her head, “My mom’s Christmas shopping over there, she said she would get me as soon as she was finished.”

“Well then Patty," Bucky started with a tilt of his head, “That means I have time to ask you if you’d like to be treated to some hot chocolate because right now I need to calm my nerves from being ditched on the ice.”

Steve’s brows shot into his hairline, Patricia’s giggles following immediately after as she stared at him with her mitten’s over her mouth.

“I was gone for under five minutes, you could have waited!”

Bucky gave his new friend a playful smirk and a wink as he got off the ice with her. He was officially done with skating, changing back into shoes and Steve followed suit not minding. Patty waited with them and Bucky finally walked with her while Steve followed after them to a small hot chocolate station. They mulled in the line for a few minutes, Patricia finally determined on asking about the suit.

“Are you going to a party later Bucky?”

He looked over himself with a laugh forgetting he was wearing it, shaking his head, “Nah, I had a date but they never showed up. Steve took me out though so I don’t feel bad about it.”

She looked from him to Steve, “So he’s taking you out on a date instead? Oh! Am I interrupting your date?!"

Bucky laughed and Steve felt his ears warm picturing Sam’s _I told you so_ face magically popping up, silently thanking the cool weather as a place for blame, “Yeah well anyone standing you up isn’t good enough anyway and no, we’re best friends I just happened to be in the neighborhood.”

Her brown eyes went wide, “Wow! You were lucky then Bucky, he was there at the right time.”

“Yeah you’re right.” Bucky muttered out, feeling his own ears warm.

They arrived to the front, Bucky resting an elbow casually against the counter top watching small hands peek up at the array of cookies, warm pretzels and dipped marshmallows on display. He gestured for Patty to go first, her eyes scanning the price board for a second before she turned to look at him with a soft frown, “Is it okay to get the big cup?”

Bucky fanned his hand out a little before him in a shrugging gesture, a fifty pinched between his thumb and the side of his index, “ _Anything_. You want it packed with marshmallows, you got it. You don’t want any you don’t have to. You want the biggest cup you get it and don’t stop yourself from any treats either, I saw you eyeing some of those. It’s all on me for saving my dumb behind.” 

Settling in at one of the side benches together they had a picnic of goodies to eat, a small cardboard tray sat on Patricia's lap holding dipped pretzels and different cookies, Bucky taking one of the chocolate chip ones while Steve chose the oatmeal. One sat at either side of her and all three soaking in the warmth of their drinks.

Bucky and Steve only stuck around long enough for Patty’s mother to come back from shopping, Steve only realizing it was her when he watched a woman zero in on Patty petting the Shetland ponies at the tiny petting zoo with Bucky while Steve was still sitting at the bench with his cocoa and the lady looked a little turned up considering Bucky wasn’t a kid..well on the outside at least and they were laughing together like the best of friends. 

He could completely get a parent taking it entirely out of context. He flanked her before she went rampaging in some concerned parent mode and threw in his _ma’am_ ’s and manners, explaining it all and offering her a cup of hot chocolate as a gesture of good faith. 

They said their goodbyes, Bucky producing a small hand crafted teddy bear from a small booth nearby dressed in a tiny Santa coat and a hat. He looked at Patricia’s mom with a polite smile before kneeling down and handing Patty the bear, “Again, thanks for helping me. I bought him for myself but maybe you would like him?”

She looked at Bucky with her nose crinkled together in surprise before taking it carefully like it was real and she beamed at him, “Can I give you a goodbye hug Bucky?”

He grinned back, nodding with shrug, “If your mom’s okay with that, sure.”

She was and small arms wrapped around his neck and Bucky couldn’t help the perfect feeling of warmth filling him up entirely, hugging her just as tight. When they drew back, he had this off sensation of not realizing how much he had really needed a hug like that, giving her an appreciative smile, “I hope you have a Merry Christmas Patty.”

Patricia smiled looking up at Steve, then to Bucky, “You too Bucky and Merry Christmas to you too Steve.”

“And a happy New Year.” Steve added in. 

They finally began to head out towards a park nearby with their freshly refilled drinks, Bucky bundling himself up tighter in his peacoat now that he wasn’t surrounded by bodies anymore, “That was fun, even if I didn’t learn anything.”

Steve grinned, “It was fun, wasn’t it? Well it wouldn’t have been if Patty’s mom wasn’t stopped because she thought you were trying to lure her daughter away.”

“I think her mom only stopped because you look like a boy scout and like you should be spread out on the hood of a car naked all rolled into one.”

Steve felt his face flush, “ _Bucky_.”

“Hey, I call it like I see it alright?”

Grumping to himself, Steve began to walk faster away from the ice rink.

They eventually found themselves side by side on some swings in the park, round white orbs of light sitting on street lamp pillars that kept them company in the darkness. Steve watched Bucky hold the chains of the swing and rock his planted feet in a tight sway before he pushed himself back and let himself go forward then back again. He could only smile at him, the tails of his jacket and coat flying behind him and smart shined dress shoes scuffed from dirt.

He sat on his own swing next to him but only watched, humming _Enjoy the Silence_ to himself, raising his head up when Bucky interrupted him with a smirk.

“ _..All I ever wanted, all I ever needed is here in my arms.._ ”

Steve snapped out of his thoughts and smiled, " _..Words are very unnecessary, they can only do harm.._ ”

They hummed along absently together, Bucky slowing himself down to sit still again, “It's a good song.”

“It seems like we were both born in the wrong year."

Bucky nodded just before his phone chimed, pulling up a text message from Natasha, “Shit it’s ten, I didn’t even notice.”

Watching him get up, texting away as he paced in a small circle Steve was mildly confused, “What’s at ten?”

“Do you need a ride or no wait you have your bike. There’s a birthday party I promised to go to, Loki’s playing at midnight but the party started about an hour ago, I said I would go on my date then come home to change but shit I lost track of time. Gotta get Nat to have some clothes packed for me over there.”

Steve was disappointed, but he also realized he had a prior engagement, stuffing his hands into his pocket, “Probably a good thing, I told Tony I would meet up with him after I was done here.”

Bucky nodded, “Great, I don’t feel so bad then.”

They waited for Bucky’s cab at the lot, Steve lost in thoughts caught off guard when Bucky abruptly turned to look at him full on, “Thank you.”

He shook his head back at him, “I didn’t do anything.”

“Stop being so modest, you know what you did you asshole and thank you for helping me forget people can be jerks.” 

“His loss,” Steve retorted with a shrug of his should, “As far as I’m concerned, we just had a simple normal day and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Next time I promise to teach you how to properly skate.”

Bucky stared at him long and hard, a smile creeping across his lips as he nodded, the cab pulling in and Steve could only stare back at him, so many things he wanted to say but he kept his lips sealed slipping one hand out to run his fingers along the sleeve of his suit jacket and stop at Bucky’s palm, holding his hand gently.

Giving it a squeeze, Bucky turned to give the cab a wave before pulling away and looking back, “Have a goodnight Stevie.”

Steve gave him a nod that he would, watching Bucky walk along the gravel and approach the vehicle, words fighting to get him to come back, begging him to stay.

“Bucky!”

The brunette paused, turning to look over his shoulder just as he opened the passenger side door.

Swallowing thickly, everything Steve wanted to say suddenly disappeared into the air like they never existed leaving him feeling frustrated, “I..uh..enjoy your friend’s birthday party.”

Grinning, an expression so full of sunshine and sweetness it was almost blinding, Bucky gave him a wave, “Bye Steve.”

  
“I’m tired Stevie..”

The music bounced and thumped through the phone call, muffled just enough and away where Bucky could talk, his voice slightly pitchy, his tongue occasionally slurring words. 

“Maybe you should get going home then Buck. You got someone to take you?”

Steve had chips of paint dusting off his arms and onto the off colored sheet laid out on the floor, seating himself down clad in only his jeans, splotches of paint staining his bare chest.

“I can’t, I can’t sleep so far away from you. I don’t know..”

Steve sighed into the phone, he knew Bucky was drunk but the words made his heart jump and it felt like torture especially after ending up doing nothing once he was gone. He fell back into the couch before his knees would buckle from the phrase, his hand ruffling through his hair. 

“Bucky.”

“Stevie.”

It was soft and breathy, Steve’s stomach flip flopping inside of him. He smiled softly, “Do you want to come over?”

There was a slight pause and then a small cute drunk giggle, “I can’t.”

Steve pouted his lips, genuinely disappointed, granted it would be a bad idea but he missed Bucky, “Why’s that?”

“Tasha says no,” he paused for a moment, “She also said you should know better.”

Steve smirked, she was right he couldn’t deny her that begrudgingly letting him go when he was quickly told they were going back inside and Steve figured he might as well take a shower and maybe turn in.

 

Keys jingled and at some point fell down before he heard a soft string of curses, Steve walking towards the door when he heard the noises feeling his mouth quirking into a smile the second he recognized who was there. He decided to be merciful and open it up considering Bucky still didn’t take his key back, looking out just to see him take a huge amount of effort trying to get them off the ground, slowly standing himself up again though a little hunched still. His legs tried to balance as his hand came out to prop against the door frame, mouth agape, seemingly lost in his own world. 

“Buck? You okay?”

Bucky’s eyes had taken a deep blue color, the grey completely exiled when their eyes finally met, his mouth immediately closed, a large goofy smile spread across his face, “Steve!”

Steve couldn’t help but break out in a grin, watching him lumber forward, stumbling into his arms, Bucky’s knees giving away underneath him. Now Steve could smell the vodka on him, he was pretty sure he wouldn’t be standing a chance around any matches.

A soft hiccup escaped Bucky’s flushed cherry red lips, his halfhearted grip grasping at Steve’s bare arms. Steve only smiled down at him, his mess of hair falling over his eyes.

“Steve!”

“Bucky. I thought Natasha said you couldn’t come visit.”

Bucky’ face momentarily twisted into annoyance, waving a hand dismissively, “She’s not the boss of me!”

He pulled himself upright to stand, his legs unsteady and threatening to give out again so Steve kept his arms secure around him, their eyes meeting and a smile spread over Bucky’s face again the corners of his eyes crinkling. It was genuine happiness, that smile Steve knew Bucky couldn’t hide and it was for him.

“Steve, you’re so hot..like a potato or somethin'.” 

Steve broke out grinning wider, “Really? Like a potato huh?”

Bucky only smiled proudly, nodding as if he had made the best compliment in the world, trailing his gaze to his bare chest, furrowing his brows and patting one bare pec like he was trying to understand why Steve wasn’t wearing a t-shirt. He abruptly moved forward, wrapping his arms around his friend’s neck burying his face against his shoulder, “Oh my God you smell so good.”

Blushing lightly, Steve took a moment from the fumes of the alcohol, “Well I did just have a shower about ten minutes before you showed up, I was touching up on a new piece. You’re definitely going to need one yourself at some point soon.” 

Rubbing his stubbled cheek against Steve’s shoulder, Bucky only hummed happily hugging him tight.

“Come on let’s get some water in you.”

That was the moment Bucky abruptly wrenched himself back, “Nuh uh, no! Come with me.”

“Come with you where?”

Bucky tugged him out, stumbling back into the hallway and Steve steadied him before pulling his hand free looking around for any signs of neighbors wondering about what the hell they were up to with Steve half naked and Bucky barely walking straight if that, “Where you going Buck?”

Pressing a palm against the wall to steady himself, Bucky shambled towards the stairwell, the complete opposite direction of the elevator, “The party, come with me Stevie!”

Steve smiled, following after him, “Buck, it’s late. Come back inside.”

Bucky only pushed open the door to the stairwell and Steve contemplated a t-shirt, looking back before jogging after him.

“Buck, were are you wandering off to? I can’t go to a party.”

Hiccuping again, Bucky turned to look at him as he walked, “God you're such a loser.”

Bucky heard him laugh before everything suddenly left his brain, a dizzy sensation, head foggy and he was so very confused at what happened just how. 

He can hear rapid footsteps and suddenly the touch of a warm palm against his cheek.

“Steve..?”

He didn't even recognize his own voice, its so thick and lost. His body abruptly hurt all over.

“Buck. You okay? Buck?”

He couldn't help but nuzzle into Steve's hand, warm and comfortably even with his raging headache.

“Yeah..what happened?”

“Are you sure you're okay? You fell down the first set of stairs.”

“When..?”

He didn't exactly mean to ask that, he could finally feel the floor under him, clouds fading just a little away and only enough to register, albeit it with his vision slightly blurry, Steve kneeling down beside him feeling him cupping his face with a concerned look on it. 

“I’m sorry. I dunno..”

“It’s okay, maybe no more party alright? You look a little banged up but fine nonetheless.”

“No more party.” 

He couldn't stop himself, even with his body protesting all the way, elbow on fire, his hip smarting, an aggravated headache coming up from behind. He just wanted to he held, climbing into Steve's lap like a child that he probably looked like he was, waiting for Steve to groan or make some smart ass remark but he didn't. Arms going around him and Bucky curled himself in, resting his head on his shoulder and he felt safe. 

He felt a little better when he was picked up, all the hard surfaces ceasing to poke him and press him, Steve was always burning like a furnace and his brain felt like scrambled eggs. 

He could barely make the sight of stairs, closing his eyes, “I’m so drunk Stevie.”

“I know Buck, I know.”

At his door, Bucky began to fight him to stand back on his feet and Steve finally gave in careful to make sure he didn’t turn and walk off again, herding him back inside. He managed to lead him with one arm, carefully getting the front door closed and locked before guiding him to the couch where he had to sit down with him. 

He got a better look at Bucky’s bumps, small disapproving noises rising out of the brunette while he carefully checked his hip, finding it red and flushed, prodding at it lightly over aged darker bruises.

“You’re gonna have terrible hip problems you keep banging it everywhere.”

Bucky dropped his head against the couch, “You tell Johnny that then.”

Oh, yeah. He forgot. Shaking his head to himself Steve pursed his lips instead of saying anything. Bucky curled up closer, and Steve could only watch him, fingers lightly grazing along Bucky’s spine giving him a hug. He felt stubbled cheek rub along his shoulder, fingers feeling out the opposite side curiously and Steve let him. It wasn’t until Bucky was moving his head to nuzzle along clean skin where his nose was finding the sensitive spot at Steve’s neck that his brain realized this wasn’t all innocent. Steve felt himself immediately tense up, his mind finally sinking in the reality of why this was a bad idea for both of them. 

Before he could react he felt teeth pressing down a little too hard against his throat, arm helplessly tightening his hold around Bucky’s waist as his mouth opened in silent protest, a light sound of pain slipped out of the brunette over the pain at his hip. Steve released a soft huff of air as he felt Bucky suck a mark with surprising tenderness at the spot, Steve’s free hand digging into his thigh through the fabric of his sweatpants to keep him from wanting more while he could feel his heartbeat racing and his breathing picking up. His mind shouting alarms at him to stop everything, but he wanted it, he wanted Bucky and Bucky was giving him what he wanted.

“Buck..” He managed to gasp out, feeling Bucky’s hot wet mouth take in his earlobe. 

The hand clutching at Bucky held him firmly, nimble fingers slipping under his jacket and under the material of his shirt, supple warm skin greeting him. His fingers splayed to cover more ground exploring Bucky’s ribs and quickly he was rewarded with a moan. 

_Stop Steve, stop._

Steve closed his eyes as Bucky own hand roamed against bare chest, a small bit of pressure was leaning him into the couch his mind repeatedly telling him to stop this while Bucky’s mouth pressed sloppy kisses against Steve’s neck and shoulder causing his body to heat up. 

“Buck I- ”

It was hard to think, hot breath and wet lips dragging against his skin and his mind was blanking out all going straight to his dick.

He blindly fumbled a hand to press down on his dick and he forced his eyes open while pushing himself back up to sit, carefully steering Bucky back, “Bucky stop. We can’t be doing this.”

Bucky drew back, lips red and his expression entirely confused. His eyes could barely focus on him and Steve sighed, petting his hair softly. 

“I’m sorry. Buck I'm sorry.”

“For what? Stevie did I do something wrong.I..I thought you liked that..?”

“No, what? No, you- ” He pulled Bucky into him, hugging him tight, “You didn’t do anything wrong. I messed up, I always mess things up.”

Bucky held him, a soft whine slipping out, “No Stevie, no. You’re perfect.” 

Something heavy rolled over him, everything he harbored and hid away, stress and pain and things he denied, fingers clutched at the material of Bucky’s coat while he shook his head desperate to convince Bucky, “I’m not perfect, I’ll hurt you, _I’m_ hurting you. I’m like them, aren’t I? You can barely stand straight and I could have let you do it. That’s so fucked up, I’m sorry.”

Bucky drew back, blinking like he tried to understand exactly but couldn’t. His swollen red lips pressed together, sinful and sweet but confused as he tried to think properly, glancing at Steve and then looking away with a furrow of his brows. 

“You..don’t like that..?”

Steve closed his eyes, “I do, just we shouldn’t. You understand?”

Bucky’s cell phone began going off, rerouting his train of thought. Fumbling into his leather jacket he eventually retrieved it and Steve managed to hit the green button for him when he saw Bucky having issues with it.

He himself took the chance to pull himself off the couch and think of less appealing thoughts than knowing what his couch was good for. He fixed his sweatpants putting some distance between him and Bucky as he moved into the kitchen. 

“Hello?..Oh! Hey Nat!”

Steve bit his lip, turning on the faucet to run his hands through the cool water. He listened to Bucky happily informing her of where he was currently, Bucky’s red flushed face quickly shifting to one of shame. Red lips forming a soft pout while his brows dramatically drooped, “Aw, I’m sorry Natty, I’m so sorry. I just missed Steve so damn much I’m sorry.” 

Steve helped himself to a glass of water, hearing Bucky’s tone change to something sadder as he made a noise of agreement most likely listening to Natasha voicing something in disapproval. 

“I even tried to have sex with him and he stopped me!”

Steve choked on his water, coughing it out all over the sink his hand blindly grasping for the kitchen towel and pressing it to his mouth. 

_Don’t tell her that!_

“Hold on, Steve’s dying or choking I think..”

Clearing his throat and coughing a few more times into the towel, he patted his chest desperately before he was able to breathe comfortably again. He filled the glass with more water and made his way back to Bucky who was unceremoniously trying to stand. 

Steve pressed him to sit back down, “Don’t try to stand Buck, just have your conversation with Natasha and drink this water for me okay?”

He pressed the glass in Bucky’s hand making sure he had a grip before letting go, watching him just beam at him with a slight sway of his head with his cheek pressed against his cell.

“Steve you’re like a knight in shining armor.”

All Steve could do was smile back at him at first, eventually giving a slight shrug, “Maybe Bucky.”

Bucky focused back on Natasha’s voice in his ear, sipping slowly at the water as he slumped back into the sofa. Abruptly his hand shot out with the phone, “Natty wants to talk to you.”

_Shit._

Steve was frowning immediately, taking the phone cautiously, “Drink your water.”

Bucky shot back a small noise of protest, sipping at the water as he closed his eyes, his free hand idly rubbing at his sore hip. 

“Hey Nat.”

“Steve.”

Her voice was all business and Steve felt himself feeling uncomfortable like he was caught red handed doing something bad, rubbing the back of his neck weakly.

“I hear you stopped Bucky from seducing you. I’m sure that was difficult.”

He choked out a laugh, “Yeah well he’s drunk he doesn’t know what he’s doing anyway. At least he’s somewhere he can safely sober up and I can monitor him if need be.”

Natasha made a soft sound of agreement, “I told him not to visit you while he was like that, but you can’t stop him sometimes.”

“Yeah well I’m glad I was home at least, I had plans with Tony but they had an explosion in the labs and he was busy with the police and all that when I got there, it’s not surprising though, it only happens twice a week if we’re lucky. I came back here to work instead of hanging around.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. Is James going to be interrupting you? I can get him picked up if you like?” 

She sounded genuinely sorry about what happened earlier and it made Steve feel better than he did before Bucky showed up, a stain of loneliness creeping in when he was leaving his piece out to dry and decided to get cleaned up and go to bed to avoid it. He was shaking his head before she was finished, Steve slumped down beside Bucky on the couch, “I was coming out of the shower when he was trying to get in without his own key anymore. I was about to head to bed, as long as he doesn’t want to stay awake I think he’ll be okay here.”

Gentle laughter filled his ear, “You’re a good guy, maybe James is right. Maybe you are Prince Charming.”

Steve shrugged his shoulders again more to himself, glancing over at Bucky sprawled out in an angle along the couch, “Not sure about that. It was hard to say no for a few seconds there..and I’m trying not to think about the possibility of a mark on my neck.”

There was a long pause of silence on the phone and he wasn’t sure if he said the wrong thing to her or maybe if she wanted to say something else. She only coughed lightly and seemed like she was smiling a little bit, “No one said it was going to be easy Steve. As long as you know what you did is the right thing.”

He dropped his head, staring at his hand, “I know and you’re right, and it was. I’m trying not to think of if he didn’t find me here and maybe he didn’t go back, you know?” 

He wasn’t sure he should even say anything, especially after another bout of silence where a steady hum of people and movement slowly began to fade off into nothing.

“What happened Steve?”

He smiled thinly, stealing another look at Bucky who looked like he was snoozing away with his head tilted awkwardly off the couch end. 

“I don’t know Nat. He told me to stop him from going off with someone one second, the next he takes off with the guy that was buying him drinks and saying there was no way in hell he was going home with that guy. I lost track of him and was stuck _hoping_ he was okay because I was with Tony when I got off work and then he called me, barely morning is hitting and he just sounded..I don’t know. It felt worse than last time.”

“And you went after him.”

Steve sighed, “How could I not? I told him to text me the address and I took off and it’s good that I did. He wasn’t talking, he just came outside, climbed on and we went home. I had to knock on the door to the bathroom to check to see if he was okay when he was taking a shower. He just spaced out I guess, he was cold from the hot water running out and I just didn’t want to upset him and then he was crying and telling me he felt lonely. Nat, I don’t..this is way out of my level. I know how this feels sometimes, I get it but I want to do so much and yet I don’t know what to do. And even tonight, I don’t know, I wanted to for a few seconds and I feel like shit for _wanting_ it especially when it sank in that I probably haven’t been the first person he’s done that to and they might not have said no.”

“I wish I had an answer for you Steve, I really do but we can only be there for him you know that. He’s trying to sort things out but it’s not like he has a clear road laid out for himself and it’s easy for him to.. _ignore_ things rather than face them but he’s going to have to sooner or later.”

He raked a hand down his face and nodded helplessly, “Yeah, I guess.”

“I know it’s hard, call me if you need anything. Alright?”

“Yeah Nat, goodnight.”

They hung up and he placed the cell on the table, carefully prying the half empty glass from Bucky’s fingers to put that beside his phone. He gently rested a hand on his shoulder, giving it a light pat watching sleepy eyes stir before opening slowly.

“Hey you. How’re you doing?”

He shrugged back lightly, “A little tired, everything is kind of spinning.”

A clammy hand reached out, taking Steve’s hand fingers curling around his.

“Steve.”

“Hm?”

“I wanna go to Jurassic Park.”

Steve couldn’t help squinting at him, “You mean you want to see the movie?”

Bucky quickly shook his head, “No, wanna _go_ to Jurassic Park. I wanna see the raptors!” 

Chuckling softly, he squeezed Bucky’s hand, “They’re closed Buck. Maybe I’ll take you to see them tomorrow, okay?”

Grey eyes widened, “Really?”

Steve nodded, getting himself up, “Yep, anything for you Buck. Now come on, let’s put you to bed.”

Pulling the brunette up easily enough, Bucky made a small pleased sound still thinking about visiting dinosaurs, “You’re so nice to me Stevie, I don’t deserve someone like you.”

Gingerly freeing his hand, Steve wrapped his arm around Bucky’s waist to keep him upright, pressing a light kiss into his hair before leading him down the hallway, “I think you got it the wrong way around Buck.”

He stared blearily at him, opening his mouth like he wanted to ask something but the absent sway of his upper body told him and Steve he was in no position to offer one up, instead letting himself be led into the bedroom. 

Steve found Bucky was not in the mood for a shirt when he suggested changing clothes, a thin veil of sweat across his face proving that it may be better, his skin warmer than usual to the touch. He handed Bucky his favored sweatpants and went to the bathroom to run a face cloth under the tap after tugging on a tank top for himself. 

He came back to Bucky swaying along to _Fix You_ playing out of his phone while holding on to the back of the chair sitting by the dresser. At least he was changed..well he was wearing his sweatpants. The moment Bucky caught sight of him, he let go and Steve had to practically lunge to grab him and keep him up.

“Buck- ”

Bucky’s head rolled back, his weight relying on Steve to keep him upright, his hands grasping at his shoulders and gazing at him with half lidded eyes that were so soft and blue, “Steve, dance with me..”

Steve had no idea what was happening, at first they were going to bed and suddenly Bucky had music on and he felt like he was a hostage to it. 

“Bucky please.”

“Hold me. Just for this song, I like it.”

He nodded dumbly, “Okay, alright..”

Bucky’s hands gripped to his arms, fingers curving into his skin trying to keep himself upright. His body pressed close against Steve’s and all Steve felt was dizzy and lost, the smell of alcohol invading his senses holding Bucky close to him. 

Bucky hummed to the music, a soft lazy smile on his face as he tried to get Steve to dance with him even with his uncoordinated loose movements. Giving in, he held Bucky close and directed him around the small space to the side of the bed listening to him mumble the lyrics in a slur and Steve couldn’t help sing along with him. 

It only took Bucky’s face lighting up when he realized Steve joined in to encourage him to keep going, pressing closer and resting his head against his shoulder, voice gone but mouthing softly. 

Swaying them both gently as he watched Bucky’s face, Steve let the end of the song really sink in singing it _for_ him because this song was so beautifully for him. His hand brushed affectionately through dark brown hair, feeling the tears at the corner of his eyes as he tried his damnedest to hold them back, loathing how much of a pull this song was for him, words slipping into his mind and twisting around the both of them. 

“ _..Lights will guide you home..and ignite your bones..and I will try to fix you.._ ”

He felt his tears roll down his cheeks blinking them back as much as he could, his hand cupping the back of Bucky’s head stroking it in a gentle swoop while something classical began to play and Bucky was content to stay how he was.

There was a lingering pause and then Steve felt gentle fingers brush into the wet spot at one side of his cheek, “Don’t be sad Stevie.”

He straightened, sweeping the back of his wrist against his cheeks, “Time for you to go to sleep I think.”

“Steve.”

“Hm?”

“M’tired.”

Steve really tried not to laugh through his sadness, a smile across his lips nonetheless, “Well it’s a good thing you’re next to the bed then, aren’t you?”

Bucky’s head lifted off him before it fell forward as he huffed lightly, “Tired. So tired.”

He was gingerly steered to lay down, Steve pulling the comforter over him and tucking the sides in to keep him protected and warm, “Relax and let yourself fall asleep.”

Instead, the blankets got pushed off and Bucky sat up again drawing his feet to the floor, gesturing for Steve to sit with him, “Steve. _Steve_. You gotta draw me.”

He couldn't help laughing, “Why Buck? It’s late.”

“Please,” He insisted, dropping his head forward in thought, “I feel like helping you draw.”

“You always help me draw though.”

A small pout crossed his lips when he looked back at him, “Mike saw your drawing you know.”

It took a few seconds for Steve to even realize what Bucky meant, his face falling slightly, “What?”

“He gave me a napkin and I don’t know. I don’t think he understands..”

_Us_ floated through the air between them never needing to be said and meaning so much.

“I kept telling him and I knew I just couldn’t stick with him. I know Stevie, I _know_. But I wanted to try you know? Just try and he said it didn’t look like just that. I’m sorry.”

“Sorry for what Bucky? You have nothing to be sorry for,” He shifted closer and rubbed his back softly, “You’re babbling but I think I understand.”

Bucky stared down at his hands, frowning in contemplation, “I messed up. I mess up a lot.”

“No, you know. I don’t know what he saw, maybe he was jealous or maybe he couldn’t handle how close we are, he wouldn’t be the only person. Whatever it is, he wasn’t for you and neither was that blind date..did you even talk to him after?”

Bucky thought back a little finally shaking his head, “No, Nat talked to him and she said something about him talking to his ex or somethin’.”

He shrugged, “I’m no good at this stuff anyway. I tried though, right?”

Steve gave him a smile, “You did. You dressed up for it too, looking really sharp. You and I had a good time right?”

Beaming, Bucky nodded, “Yeah, I liked going out with you thank you.”

“So now tell me,” Steve reached over and picked up his sketchbook, “Why was it pertinent that I draw you right now then?”

Bucky took the book, flipping pages open and holding it out, “Because I’m here! You still wanted some new stuff right?”

“Yeah but, not right now.”

It was true, Bucky was right and he wasn’t sure exactly what head he was thinking with right then, feeling a little drunk himself, any time Bucky wanted to be drawn up, he was willing to. He just wasn’t sure with his state, it was right to especially when he was half naked.

“Buck, I really think we should just get you to bed.”

“Not gonna move until you draw somes.”

“Fine, you know what?” A tilt of Bucky’s head in his direction told him to carry on, moving against the head of the bed to get comfortable and press himself against the headboard flipping open his sketchbook and grabbing a pencil to start working, “You want me to work, fine you brat.”

Bucky only smiled triumphantly at him, sitting as still as he could while Steve attempted to work a little faster than usual because he was sure he wasn’t going to get much grace and patience from someone attempting to avoid sobriety.

He was still working when Bucky laid out in bed barely ten minutes later, his back partially draped over Steve’s lap as he sat up to lean against the headboard. “Steve..?”

Not glancing up, he carried on sketching, “I’m right here Buck. Not going nowhere.”

Bucky’s eyes fluttered closed, smiling softly as his fingers lightly pet Steve’s knuckles as he was working, mildly reminding him of a curious cat, “I love your hands.”

A smile broke out from him setting his pencil down to lightly stroke Bucky’s hair, “I know you do. I love your hair. It’s soft.”

Bucky leaned into it, softly sighing to the touch, “You make me happy Stevie..”

Steve felt his heart practically leap out of his chest at the way Bucky said that nickname. He lightly scratched across Bucky’s scalp with his dull nails, enticing a soft happy murmur from him, “You make me happy too Buck.”

Glassy tired eyes turned to look up at him, a crooked smile across his lips, “Do you know how much you look like an angel Stevie? Like you fucking came from the heavens with this perfect halo of gold hair and lightening.”

Steve stared down at him, continuing to stroke his fingers through his hair, “That’s a song lyric Buck.”

He shrugged in return, “It means a lot to me, I always think about you when I hear it. You mean a lot to me..” A loud yawn escaped Bucky, wiggling his toes under the blanket humming to himself.

Steve settled into bed once he managed to get Bucky situated comfortably watching his head hit the pillow and his eyes close. He shut his sketchbook and set it back on the side table staring at the brunette as fingers reached out to stroke through strands of dark brown hair. As quietly as he could, Steve laid out beside him observing Bucky’s chest rise and fall, belly mostly flat peeking with abs but also wrapped in a slight rounded softness watching the way his stomach moved before he just shifted his eyes to stare at his face.

“Thank you Buck.”

Bucky tilted his head slightly, eyes still closed but moving to the direction of Steve’s voice, “For what?’

“For existing.”

He watched the corners of Bucky’s lips turn up absently as he moved his hand to press against his navel, his head suddenly falling back completely and soon soft snores filled the space between them.

 

Bucky stirred when he felt a weight shift down beside him. His eyes opened a crack, Steve holding a steaming bowl in his hands, peering down at him with a careful expression of concern and genuine sweetness. 

“Hey, I made you something to eat and you got your appointment in a couple hours.”

He felt his eyes close again, his head hurting the longer they stayed open. A groan emerged from his throat, pressing his head softly back against the pillow, “Shit, I forgot and you made canned soup. That doesn’t count.”

“I figured as much and I used the stove, technically I made you something.”

He groped for Steve’s hand, instead finding his thigh pressing it with a light squeeze, a stupid smile on his face, “I hope I didn’t say anything dumb.”

Steve set the bowl on the night table, his warmed hand gently resting on his, caressing his skin, “You called me hot like a potato and I made you a promise that if you felt better we would go see those raptors you were going on about from Jurassic Park. Not the movie, you were very set on making sure I knew that, we had to go to the real park.”

“Jesus.” he rolled onto his side, burying his face further into the pillow. He peered up at him just enough to look at Steve with one eye open, “M’sorry.”

Steve could only give him a comforting smile, taking a hand off his to card it through Bucky’s slightly greasy feeling hair, “You can pay me back by washing the sheets and stuff so it doesn’t smell like sweat and booze as well as giving yourself a decent shower.”

“You wanna carry me there, my body hurts.” Bucky nudged at his pillow sleepily with his face, rubbing his chin against it while he listened to the scratching noise. He felt the bowl of soup bump against his arm, his throat making a small disagreeable sound.

“That's because you decided you could handle yourself, then promptly fell down some stairs and please? I promise I won’t make you have anything else as long as you finish this bowl off.”

Another grumbling sound came from Bucky, “Of course I did. Do you know how cute you are when you beg me? That’s dirty pool Rogers.”

Steve smiled widely, “It’s a great tactic. Now come on before it gets cold. I’ll even feed you.”

Bucky rolled over in a huff, laying sprawled out on his back, “Can you just pour it down my throat?”

He wasn’t going to set the bowl on Bucky’s stomach so he set it on the bedside table and grabbed the mug with a better feeling on his reaction, “No, but maybe this might make you feel better.”

Bucky peeked over at a mug, smelling the area around it before he wearily sat up, tired eyes lighting up.

Bingo.

“I thought I was smelling chocolate..” He lightly pressed a hand against the mug, finding it at a comfortable enough temperature to cup it between his hands and slip two fingers through the handle bringing it to his lips to take in a deep inhale, the brown milky froth almost touching his nose. He took a sip and sighed out in happiness allowing his eyes to close. 

When he opened them it was to Steve watching him patiently and Bucky drank some more, pressing a palm against his friend’s arm, “You made it from scratch.”

Steve shot back a look pretending to be offended, “Don’t sound so surprised, I followed that recipe for it you wrote awhile ago. Hot milk, shaved chocolate. Don’t let it get to a boil or it’ll spill over. I remember you smacking my hand for not whisking.”

Bucky broke out in childish giggles, ducking his face down and taking another sip while Steve nudged him curiously and he glanced at him with a glint in his eye, “So you’re saying you only learn through discipline? I learn something new every day with you Rogers.”

Rolling his eyes, Steve groaned and shoved him, “You’re terrible. Trying to be nice and you make fun of me.”

Warm fingers reached up to pinch his cheek, “I’ll always do that but you also know I appreciate it.” 

“Yeah, I know.” 

Steve turned back to get the bowl, almost dropping it when fingers touched the side of his neck by his collarbone, “Those are fresh.”

“Oh. Uh,” He absently moved his head away and covered the spot not sure what to do, “Yeah.”

It only caused Bucky to sit up straighter, “Steve, what else did I do?”

He shook his head, pressing his palm harder against the set of light marks, “Nothing. It was nothing.”

“I didn’t try to suck your dick did I?”

Letting out a soft snort, Steve knew Bucky was trying his hardest to keep it light even though he could see the worry in his eyes and he sighed knowing he shouldn’t lie about it, “Maybe, I don’t know. You were kissing my neck, you left the marks but we stopped. Natasha called so she knows about it, I guess that’s why we shouldn’t be together.”

“Yeah. Might not be a good fucking idea if I’m throwing myself at you. Holy shit.”

Steve could only shake his head, “It’s fine Buck, it took me a few seconds to get my head together, I was stupid too.”

Bucky was agitated, suddenly looking over himself and realizing he wasn't wearing a t-shirt, “I’m so sorry, I won’t do that ever again. Jesus Christ Barnes.”

“Buck, look it’s fine. You want honesty here? It could have happened the other way around, you and I are pretty close, I don’t doubt drinking would make me do something like that.”

Bucky covered his face in embarrassment, “Grabbing my ass a lot is way different than trying to get into your pants.”

“It’s the same idea, if you liked it my hands probably woulda gone in your pants.” He let out, shrugging sheepishly trying his best to sound helpful even though he wasn't sure it really was.

“I honestly can’t believe we’re having this conversation..”

“Probably another reason why we shouldn’t be drunk around each other.”

Covering his face with the blanket, Bucky groaned out loudly, “Fuck.”

Steve tried his best to change the conversation and leave it at the no harm no foul line. He spied his sketchbook at the side and opened it up revealing the work of Bucky wrapped in a bed sheet.

“Look something good came out of it, if you want me to use it that is. I got some sketches for a new piece I could probably do.”

Lifting his arm away to stop wallowing in his embarrassment, Bucky took a look before peering at Steve, “I don’t even remember this. I hope I was wearing underwear.”

“Yeah you were and sweats. And I know, but you insisted so I did it but the result is actually really open and honest. I mean, look at you.”

_Look at you._

Bucky turned his head away, eyes downcast, the words echoing in his head from mouths he never wanted to see ever again but from Steve, he felt nice, like he was worth something significantly more than just a pretty face. Like he had substance behind his looks.

Steve looked at him and a stern expression came across his face suddenly shutting his sketchbook, “Hey I’m sorry, I should have tried harder to say I couldn’t. I’ll toss the pages away. Don’t worry.”

Bucky looked at him in surprise, “What do you mean?”

Confused, Steve gestured at him, then the book, “It’s why you looked away, wasn’t it? For doing artwork of you while you don’t even remember it, half naked at that. I guess it’s kind of creepy even if I didn’t mean it to come off that- ”

Bucky lightly pushed at Steve’s chest with his fingers, “Steve, stop. It’s not that, I was just thinking of something else. It’s not you, I like these. I like when you do me..um, you know what I mean.”

He rolled his eyes, trying to ignore the sensation of his face heating up not that Steve was any better in that department, “I told you a million times I don’t mind your work of me. I just don’t remember and I’m glad I didn’t strip down that woulda been embarrassin’.” 

Steve flashed him a smile, “I wouldn’t have let you or locked you in my room without me in it if you ignored me. Something. But here, it may look like you were wearing nothing under the sheets but you were wearing pants, actually wanted to paint this with that other one of you sleeping as a companion piece if I can get them done that is..”

He trailed off fishing out his phone from his pocket and opened it up to his latest image of Bucky himself staring back at them, “There’s a couple in there for reference.” 

He handed it over and Bucky looked, barely there signs of sweatpants peeking under the sheets, eyes tired and calm. He swiped his finger to look at the next photo of him sitting at the edge of the bed with his arms folded neatly against his thighs his upper torso leaned forward while he seemed to be staring off in thought.

“I got two weeks if I want to show them off thanks to you. I might get an ulcer though.”

Bucky looked up pressing a hand to his arm, “You’ll do fine, you said Sam has some of your older work in storage? You got tons here, you’re touching up pieces, old and new. You’re still sketching out new and exciting ideas, didn’t you tell me your works have sparked interest in portrait work? You’ll be okay Steve. Trust me, I wouldn’t throw you out to the wolves if I didn’t think you were ready.”

Steve felt the swoop of nervousness and butterflies just from the earnest gaze Bucky gave him, helplessly pressing a hand over Bucky’s, “You have so much faith in me, I’m just worried I won’t live up to your expectations.”

A grin spread across Bucky’s face, “That’s the thing though, I have no expectations because I just want you to try. If nothing happens, nothing happens and that’s okay. It’s more than okay. In the best circumstances I hope all your work is sold that night, if not at least you’re making a name for yourself and people will start noticing you. This is more of a trial run, a little teaser of what’s to come from an up and comer, you have nothing to stress about okay?”

Steve inhaled deeply, letting it go slow and easy pulling Bucky in for a hug, “You really have entirely too much faith in me Buck.”

Reciprocating with arms around tight, Bucky squeezed him, “I know you can do it Steve, I want everyone to see what I see.”

All Steve could do was bury his face in Bucky’s hair and keep him close not knowing what to say without sounding like he was speaking in tongues. He only wanted Bucky to give himself the same enthusiasm. Believe in himself like he believed in him.

He smiled, pulling himself up, “I hope I can. Now I gotta finish touching up that painting in the living room. I have so much work to do, you take your time getting out of bed and eat that damn soup please which may be cold by now. I’ll be out there.”

Bucky nodded, taking another sip of his hot chocolate as he watched Steve go.

 

It was odd to find the door unlocked, maybe more when he could hear random shouting from more than one person inside. Entering to the loud sounds of guns going off and game noises, Steve found Bucky and Sam on the couch with their shoulders pressed together while Clint was sitting on the floor holding an open box of pizza over his lap eyes glued to the screen. A screen that was bigger than what it was when he left and a gaming system that looked like it was just bought, plastic and ties all haphazardly pushed away and to the side. Another box of half eaten pizza sat on the table stacked with another, a tin of cookies beside it, wings in another box, random pop cans and beer bottles littered around that.

“Come on Wilson, keep up!” The dirty blond retorted, pointing to the exit door while his other hand was a fist half held in the air ready to throw it up in a whoop when they got an objective.

A foot blindly shot at Clint’s ribs in a playful kick, “Excuse me for only knowing how to play this game for the last hour, still a little rusty compared to you!”

Sam let out a small yelp of surprise when another agent dressed similar to his character on screen dropped down from a vent and efficiently took out two guards near the end of the hallway he was carefully approaching. 

He glanced at Bucky before turning back to the screen to follow him, “Barnes, my hero.”

Bucky grinned, “Sorry but I figured I would help you out a little I need you with me in this next part.”

“I suppose.." He muttered, smiling himself as he playfully nudged Bucky's shoulder.

"Sam, Sam there's a dude on your left!" Clint flailed.

Sam hunched his shoulders forward, eyes narrowing at the screen, "I got him, Buck get the one on the roof."

"On it." He uttered, his character already rounding up the first set of stairs on his side of the split screen, gun readied. His character kicked open the door, immediately dropping down to avoid the hail of bullets, casually performing head shots on the two agents standing across the way. He moved forward across the roof to get to the other side, tucking himself behind a wall.

"Man!" Sam was still moving his character with his left thumb but raised his right to hold up for a high five, "You're a killer Barnes, stone cold!"

Bucky grinned wider, slapping his hand against Sam's before be went back to his rooftop sweep.

No one even noticed Steve come in. 

It wasn't that Steve was jealous. He just really didn't think he would be walking in on Clint, Sam and Bucky hanging out unannounced at his place after what looked like a gamer shopping spree. He had always really hoped Sam and Bucky would get together more often, he just didn’t think it would be happening without him in his own apartment and without a heads up. He wanted both of them to know each other better and have a closeness like he did with each of them but this kind of made him feel like back in school. Those childish feelings of being left out came up front to everything for a moment even if it was irrational or stupid because honestly there was no reason to really feel like that. He couldn't entirely understand why it approached him like it did and he only tried to push it away the best he could. It really didn't help when all that abruptly came to mind was Natasha popping into his head with a dead serious stare and blandly stated, "You're fixated on keeping him to yourself."

He exhaled lightly, setting his bags down quietly and Clint finally turned around and grinned. “Hey Steve! We were wondering when you were going to get back. Grab some food.”

Bucky and Sam looked over their shoulders before turning back to the screen, “Steve. Mom mailed some cowboy cookies over and told me to make sure you got your share but Bucky ate a lot of them so I would probably hide the rest.”

Bucky elbowed him, trying to duck his character away from bullets flying at him, “I’d never heard of cowboy cookies I had to try them, no one warned me!”

Steve reached over and swiped the tin just in case, Sam’s momma’s cookies were to be protected from the bellies of outsiders that didn’t know their worth, they were too good, “Yeah well I’m drawing the line now, I’m sorry Buck.”

Bucky whined lightly but nodded, not able to take his eyes off the screen especially when he had just been seen by someone in full tactical gear. The urge to kiss Bucky's cheek to steal the whine away crossed into his brain and he shoved it away, apparently not quick enough, flickering his eyes to Clint giving him that _look_ before holding up the hot wings, “You look like you’re hungry.”

Steve flipped him the finger with a grin, entering the kitchen to put the cookies away and the gifts he had picked up from shopping.

He found his insecurity waning the second he joined the other two on the couch, it was minor but Bucky shifted against him while Steve moved his arm to drape it along the back of the couch.

“So what are you two playing?”

Clint held up the small flyer that was inside the game store bag, “It’s the latest shooter from a series about this recon team that does missions, on home soil and overseas. Bucky’s really amazing at it and we decided to get Sam into it too.”

Sam nodded, not looking at either of them, shooting his way out of some restaurant kitchen, “It’s really good Steve, you should play.”

“Was that the one you were playing a couple months ago on your laptop Buck?”

“Mhm, well sorta. It’s similar to this one.” He held out the controller, “You wanna try?” 

His hand was immediately nudging it back, “No, I haven’t played those in a while I don’t want to kill your character.” 

“It’s fine, it’s not like I can’t bring him back to life again.” But he didn’t fight it, turning a little to press his back against Steve’s side comfortably.

He knew in every fiber of his being he was exaggerating, of course he was but..

Steve dropped his head back, glancing up at the smooth white ceiling amidst gunfire and chaotic situations while Clint yelled passionately about going down that door instead of the other door, everything seemed like it was in their rightful place in his messy world and he was oddly okay with everything about it. 

Eventually Sam took off with Clint to take him home while Bucky busied himself with cleaning up the mess of take out boxes and merchandise, piling it all together and putting away bits and pieces for the game system and the television.

“So I’m now the new owner of a big flat screen and a brand new top of the line gaming system.”

Bucky nodded, tossing a few leftover wings into a container, “Yep, I hope I didn’t overstep any boundaries. Clint and I were just talking about the new game coming out, Sam dropped by to drop some goodies off and we all got to talking. He was the one that suggested we play at your place and I was definitely not playing on your piddly screen.”

“Hey my screen is big enough for what I need it for.”

“It’s piddly. Pass me a garbage bag will ya?”

Steve gave the back of Bucky’s head a dirty look, opening the small utility closet, “Oh my God.”

“What?”

He watched Steve wiggle out a wooden boxed crate slapped with stamps and label forms, resting it down on the kitchen table, “I forgot about this. I’ve been waiting for you to be around so I could open it but then I forget and I have to hide it so Sam doesn’t pester me to open it.”

Carefully approaching, Bucky reached over petting the crate lightly, a little taken aback that it arrived in one piece more or less reserved that it wouldn't have lasted the trip but here it was staring back at him and boarded up. That was to say before they opened it and looked inside. 

Steve stood beside him, holding a hammer the other way around and Bucky gave him a look, “You need that? You got muscles from here to ya-ya you could just punch it.”

"I’d rather not hurt myself. Besides, I love using the hammer, with all the crating I may have to do with the paintings it may come in more handy than loosening gummy rails and crap like that.”

Bucky smiled but he was more nervous than anything, not that he really had anything to be nervous about. Technically he already knew Steve's feelings behind the work, it was a tawdry copy of the original piece made with less time and more stress breathing down his neck. He watched the top get removed, followed by one of the side panels of the thick wood, stuffing of straw and bubble wrap and shipping peanuts with bits of foam fell out and Bucky choked out a laugh not able to believe how much effort Yuri put into packing it up watching Steve drop himself to the chair before the wrapped statue, thick foam filling the space around it and the walls. Curious and excited blue eyes watched hands peel and take away every bit of material in the way and Bucky felt a knot form in his stomach.

"I know it's not much considering you've seen it before."

Steve sucked in a deep surprised breath as he stared at Icarus, wings melting away and colliding towards the sea. He dropped his head forward and Bucky was too nervous to ask if he was alright, watching the swift shake of Steve’s head at himself before he sighed loudly and looked at the piece again, "Stop putting yourself down Buck. This has been what I wanted since I laid eyes on it and you made it for me? In Germany of all places?"

Carefully sitting down in the chair beside him, Bucky rested his hands in his lap as he pressed lips together, tilting his head a little, "It’s okay then?"

Steve brushed his fingers along the detail. He knew it wasn't as precise, it wasn't as worked through as the original he watched for a year through glass but it was personal and through a time Bucky was tortured and alone, surprised he was thinking of him as he tried to keep himself together. He felt tears prick at the corners of his eyes, pretending to turn away and lean in to study something along the wings made of clay that looked like wax, attempting to rid the wetness with a few blinks. 

"I love it, it's perfect."

A frown curved at Bucky's lips, chewing fretfully, index finger rubbing along his pants, "It's no- "

Steve pressed his hand over his, not looking at him, "It's perfect Buck. Thank you."

Bucky warmed, smiling lightly and giving in with a nod, "Alright."

They sat together like that and Bucky stared at the piece, his eyes intentionally picking out each wrong detail, each thing he should have done better on but glancing to the side to see Steve’s face made him forget about all that. All Steve had was fondness in a smile, his fingers tight around his and Bucky allowed him to have his quiet moment, settling himself there after quietly taking a picture of the outcome of the statue's trip, sending Yuri a thank you text with it and sending the same image to Svetlana to let her also know it arrived safe.

When Steve finally did move, it was in silence giving him a look that only left Bucky confused watching him pad down the hall and into his bedroom. He could hear him rifling through bags and maybe paper bags that Bucky assumed were from his shopping his eye catching a flash of some box before Steve caught him watching and tucked it behind his back with a sly smile while he walked back.

If Bucky was one thing, he was way too curious, immediately getting out of his chair to meet Steve and push off his toes to peer behind him, “What's behind your back?”

“Oh,” Steve smiled smugly, knowing how Bucky was, “Just a little something for you.”

“Ah..” Bucky trailed out, lowering himself back on the flat of his feet pretending to be disinterested. He turned to run his fingers along the back of the couch perfectly nonchalant and casual.

Steve saw right through it though, Bucky's face was already lit up like a Christmas tree which immediately gave him away, a radiant buzz of excitement coming off his body accompanied with rose colored cheeks. Though, Steve supposed, he had completely forgotten the illegal tactics Bucky used, watching him nibble his lip with his big doe eyes of soft blue and a slash of grey as he glanced back at him trying to will him into revealing what he was hiding. All innocent but laced with seduction, it was completely and utterly underhanded.

“Okay, _that’s_ unfair.” Steve sighed out, holding out the box wrapped with a blue ribbon.

“Yay!” Hands going up in triumph before they went down and a curious surprise flashed across his face before he broke out in a big smile that killed and delighted Steve all at once letting him take the box into his hands, fingers tugging open the bow. He took the lid off the ornate square box to reveal hand crafted artisan chocolates peering up at him.

“Oh..”

Steve couldn't help feel confused, watching Bucky stare at the candy like he didn't recognize it. 

“Buck you okay?”

He heard him sniffle and immediately he brought a hand to Bucky's arm, dipping his head down to look at his bowed face, “Hey, you okay? Is it the wrong thing?”

Bucky inhaled thought his nose, sniffling loudly with a shake of his head, “I'm fine I don't know why I'm sniffling. God, I'm sorry. This is really embarrassing. It's just..”

He broke off and Steve led him to the couch, turning his body in to face Bucky with all his attention.

“Sorry, I'm not entirely used to being given nice gifts. I should be, I really should. I have friends that do it but I don't know..” He teeth sank into his bottom lip helplessly, shrugging a little.

Steve lifted a hand to cup Bucky's jaw watching him carefully, a thumb skimming along his clean shaven cheek and wiping away the trace of tears there, “Hey don't say sorry. I'm barely used to getting gifts either especially what you got me.”

He gestured at the chocolates, “I saw the shop while I was walking and popped in, I figured you would like them. Guess I made a good choice.”

Tilting his head, Bucky stared at him and slowly he broke out in a sweet smile, “You have some foresight going on there. Thank you Stevie.”

“You’re so very welcome Buck.”

Steve smiled, draping an arm out against the back of the couch behind Bucky’s head, box held out for him with twelve little square chocolates in shades of light to dark brown accompanied with different designs at the top to distinguish different flavors. 

He shook his head to the box, lightly nudging it back, “You first, it was for you.”

Bucky scowled at him but said nothing, looking at the box for a few seconds before choosing a lighter brown one with tiny stars dancing at the top. He took the small wrapper underneath with it, the chocolate so delicate he could feel it softening under the ridges of his fingertips already. 

Steve turned his upper body to face him entirely, elbow pushing into the couch so he could watch with a hand under his chin, "Do you know the flavors?"

Bucky only shook his head, “There’s a small printed card but I didn’t look. It's so soft, the filling is probably something like a thick nougat I'm guessing.”

Timidly he took a careful bite immediately thrown off by the silky and very smooth rush of salted caramel filling his mouth and taste buds.

“Oh! _Oh_..”

He drew it back, the chocolate melting against his tongue as he savored, licking his lips to remove any remnants of caramel strings trailing. He hummed in appreciation, not entirely a fan of caramel but it was nice, Steve still watching with keen interest if maybe with a blush of pink across his nose.

“Good?”

“It's good but you would love it. Caramel.”

He plucked the other half left out of the wrapper and held it out, letting Steve decide it he would want it or not. 

Steve only stared for a second, fingers close to his mouth and he wanted before he could think. Lips brushed against the tips of Bucky's fingers and the idea of being fed by hand caused him to practically shudder, blushing a soft pink when he watched Bucky draw his hand back, licking the chocolate off his fingertips lazily like a cat.

Bucky watched Steve mull over the flavor, licking his lips while he stared off at the ceiling to assess as well as avoid watching Bucky, “I taste a hint of coffee in that.”

“So did I.”

Steve reviewed the small hand printed card that came along with it listing fillings and chocolate types. Bucky curiously watched him pick one up that had an image of red swirling about, his brows furrowed before he took a bite to make sure, tasting it and then stuffing the rest into his mouth. Bucky raised his brow and Steve only caught it after he looked over for anything similar.

“Strawberry cream.”

Bucky hadn’t even thought of that, feeling his heart thrumming over the care he was being provided, that Steve thought to look for it and get rid of it. His cheeks pinked, ducking his head away to hide a smile.

Gesturing to the box with a finger, Steve smiled at him, “May I?”

Confused since Steve had already eaten one, he shrugged and nodded, “Of course.”

It wasn’t until fingers were at his mouth, another mystery filled chocolate that his nose picked up hinting at citrus inside that Bucky gravely misjudged the question. His mouth moved for him, biting into the body heat warmed milky shell of chocolate and his taste buds sparked to the sensation of lemon and blackberries hitting his tongue. Steve wanted to hand feed him and his mind had completely left the building.

“Oh..”

He couldn’t help the soft noise following his pointless comment, a light sound of a moan that reached his ears and he blushed trying to shake his head out of a weird cloudy feeling of sinking into a hot bath. His eyes half closed while he savored and barely realized he was leaning against Steve, one strong arm securing him safely from possibly floating away from this perfect moment. 

He opened his eyes completely just in time to see Steve intently watching him, almost curiously as he ate the other half, licking his stained fingers, “You okay?”

Bucky couldn’t speak, instead he only nodded and tried to struggle through the intoxication of _whatever_ this was he swam in that had taken over, legs coming up and curling underneath him as he dropped his head against Steve’s shoulder.

Steve didn’t press and he was glad, a pleased sigh slipping out as the arm around him squeezed him tenderly eventually moving up to play with his hair and Bucky’s tongue sifted through the lingering flavors dancing in his mouth fighting to speak but this was good too, being taken care of like this, it was fine.

The pads of Steve’s fingers gently stroked along the back of his skull, teasing but _safe_ and wonderful. This was a little..new. He'd never..Bucky couldn’t put words to what this was to him. He’d gotten interested by Steve before sure but his touch was like liquid fire trying to rush through his veins and his body begged for more. He felt heavily swayed to the way his body was reacting, warm washing over, arousing him as his whole entire being felt like he was going to ignite into a burst of flames, desire and need, pressing and prodding for him to let them have their way with the man that was at fault for this. 

He was practically crawling into Steve’s lap, a cold realization that he was about to implicate himself if he pushed his hips closer kicked him into full gear. He hastily placed the lid back on, setting the box down on the table much to Steve's surprise.

"No more?"

Bucky shook his head, shifting back slightly while he straightened his legs out to place his feet back on the floor timidly testing them, "I forgot how rich hand crafted chocolates were, I feel a little overwhelmed by their potency."

Steve chuckled, bringing a hand to rub his back soothingly, “You do sound a little drunk. Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah, think I’m gonna..” He forced his brain to piece words together and not pull away from Steve’s touch like he was being scalded, “..gonna lay down.”

“Do you need anything?” Concern laced into it this time and Bucky smiled faintly.

“No, I..it's okay I just feel worn out suddenly.” He lied but he had to get some space before he made an ass out of himself. He gave Steve a smile, appreciative and sweet, “Thank you for the chocolates though, I mean it.”

He shifted, hesitating when Steve stared at him curiously. Bucky took a moment to soak him in, shooting forward to press his lips to his cheek, it was quick but his appreciation was in it making his point carrying himself away and into the bedroom quickly enough so that Steve didn't stop him. 

Effectively he locked Steve out of his own room but Bucky couldn’t worry about that right then. He just wanted the distance and knew Steve enough to know if the door was closed he wouldn’t bother him for a little bit, enough time for Bucky’s nerves to settle and hopefully pull himself out of the empty feeling he was now harboring over the loss of Steve touching him.

He dropped himself on the bed, rolling away to his side with his back to the door tugging and pulling the blankets so they pressed and molded around his front and between his legs to hug the form to his chest in comfort. He gave himself a moment to breathe, his heart racing and he felt so helpless.

“Shh..” He whispered out softly to himself, curling further into the heap he had collected, slipping his eyes closed trying to will everything away. He had no idea what to do with himself and why he felt like he was in some way drowning.

 

Steve hummed, tilting his head towards the bedroom when he heard the bathroom door close. An hour passed not hearing anything out of the bedroom but he was glad that at least Bucky seemed to be up again, lightly poking his wooden spoon at a half frozen container cube of beef chili that Sam had dropped off a few weeks ago saying he had made too much and wouldn’t Steve like some of it. He was sure Sam made extra on purpose but his hands were happily out to accept two grocery bags with three hefty containers of the stuff anyway. Who says no to Sam Wilson’s chili? Nobody unless you’re crazy and Steve Grant Rogers wasn’t crazy.

A few minutes passed when he barely picked up the soft thunder of rapid footsteps behind him. Hands pressed into his shoulders seconds before a weight pushed into his back, his spoon crashing to the floor after making a wonderfully fluid mess across the counter and against the cabinet and floor. He had to press his hands against the counter top to keep himself upright, Christmas pants covered thighs squeezing the air out of him, arms secure around his neck, bare ankles hooked together. Steve flailed, trying to wiggle Bucky off once he regained his balance, a way too amused giggle coming out behind him.

Steve huffed out, pressing his hands against thighs to loosen them a little, “God Bucky, you’re crushing the life out of me!”

Bucky only laughed harder, loosening his grip from hell, his ankles still together comfortably heels lightly digging into Steve’s thigh. He bumped the side of his head lightly against his, “M’sorry.”

Steve made a small noise of disapproval, giving up trying to fight him off side-waddling to the sink to grab a wash cloth and wiping down the best he could with an adult male sloth on his back. He managed, with a slight struggle, to squat down and get the wooden spoon tossing it into the sink and grabbing a new one to stir the chili gently. 

“You can kill a man with your thighs, you know that? Is that where all your food deposits go, that and your butt?”

A soft chuckle escaped behind him as Bucky settled down, “No, you’d be the first man I would kill with my thighs if that’s what you wanted. I didn’t mean to squeeze so hard I _should_ kill you strictly over that butt comment though.”

Steve continued stirring, realizing Bucky wasn’t letting go, he tilted his head to the side, “You going to stay on my back? I can feel it breaking.”

“Mhm,” Bucky hummed, watching him with his chin resting against Steve’s head. He reached with slight effort to get his finger into the pot and dab it at the mush of chili bringing it to his lips to taste it. “I’m comfortable.”

“Hey! Keep your damn fingers out of the food, Sam may be eating some of that.”

“It’s good.”

Rolling his eyes, Steve attempting to sound annoyed but he was failing at it. It took all his effort not to lightly caress a thigh or calf affectionately, or tilt his head just so to rub his temple against Bucky’s like a cat. 

“I assume this means you’re feeling better?”

“Mhm. When is Sam coming back?”

“He said he would text when he gets the tree.”

“Good, I’ll change when he’s on his way.”

“What for?”

“For decorating? For movies? I have a special Christmas outfit.”

Steve tried to screw his head around to look at Bucky, poking at his pants, “I thought those were your Christmas outfit.”

He only grinned back, “I have another one.”

“So we’ll get blessed with it tonight?”

“Mhm, and accompanying socks.”

Giving Bucky’s thigh a hard pat, he stirred the chili one last time before turning it low and setting the oven to broil, “Socks are always mandatory but come on, off. I need to set the table and you need to toast some garlic bread.”

“But I like it here.” 

To make his point he snuggled in tighter and Steve couldn’t help the smile, groaning lightly, “How are we going to eat if you stay there then? I’m not standing and eating.”

“Just a few more minutes then, please?”

Steve didn’t answer him, rolling his eyes as he grabbed a baking tray and turned to get the frozen slices of bagged garlic bread off the freezer door instead. Bucky only hugged his neck tighter without choking him and smiled into his hair.

“You’re definitely spoiled rotten.”

 

“Aw no! I packed the wrong one.”

Steve lifted his head from the box of strung tinsel, beads and ornaments to look towards the hallway, “Wrong what?”

“Nothing. It’s alright, I like this anyway..” 

It didn’t particularly sound like it was entirely alright but Steve went back to work, shaking out a tray of lights from the cardboard box it was tucked away into, plugging it into the wall to check if they were good for another year. Soon enough Bucky came back down the hallway in reindeer socks and something black and white. 

Looking him over when he lifted his head, Steve paused in surprise staring at Bucky leaning against the wall in a skeleton onesie, the hood kept off, his arms casually folded over his chest leaning with his shoulder wearing a smirk across his face.

“This was going to be my Halloween costume for the party that you said I wasn’t allowed to wear when you obstinately stated I had to try this year.” 

“So now you’re wearing it for Christmas, makes sense.”

Steve didn’t miss the way he rolled his eyes at him and pushed off the wall, moving around to pick up a couple of decoration boxes, examining the ornaments.

“Some of these look old.”

A fond smile appeared across Steve features, picking up the package of hooks for the tree, “Yeah, some of them have been passed down for generations and now I have them, it’s one of my favorite parts when everything is up.”

“Oh, shouldn’t you be only doing this with Sam or Tony then? I’m kinda here telling you to wait for me when you’re doing these traditional things.”

Steve didn’t look up, smiling as he took one of the boxes into his lap while he sat down, meticulously adding a tiny hook on each and handling each piece with gentle care.

“You all have Sunday dinner and that’s a tradition. I was invited in with Sam and did we not all just decorate Nat’s place? You all asked the both of us to join in your family tradition, I’m asking you to be in one of mine. Well, that is if Sam gets back with a tree soon. I asked Tony to come over today but he's been advised to stay put because of yesterday, which is fine. He can come touch up some stuff he likes doing tomorrow, he always makes a little something extra.” 

Noticing Bucky’s wariness to incorporate himself into something so private, Steve reached out and took his hand, gingerly guiding him to sit down beside him, “It’s okay, I want you to enjoy this too.”

He placed a small box on his lap that was nicer looking than some of the other manufactured boxes, a silky bed sat with two white hand painted ornaments, one with a young rabbit wearing a blue jacket and shoes and another motherly figure type wearing a blue dress with a white apron over it. 

Bucky touched it very lightly, feeling out the detail in the paint work, “Didn’t take you as a Peter Rabbit fan.” 

Steve bumped his shoulder as he shuffled in closer, checking on the thin gold strings the tops were tied with, “It was one of the very first Christmas gifts I remember ma giving to me. She said one was for her and one was for me. They’re my favorite pieces.”

Bucky watched the fond lost look on Steve’s face, it was always present when he mentioned his mother, “Where was your dad?”

Moods shifted as did the expression on Steve’s face, looking neutral and mildly uninterested, “He died when I was little, I don’t really like talking about him anyway.”

That was all Bucky needed to know in all honesty, nodding more to himself than to his friend holding the box out for Steve to take but he didn’t, the blond only patted his hand lightly, “Hold onto them for me while I make us something to drink huh?”

“Alright.” 

Though he wasn’t entirely sure he was okay with that, instinctively holding the box with both of his hands, curling his fingers around the corners. His eyes followed Steve to the kitchen, watching him grab the box holding packets of hot chocolate mix and a small bag of mini rainbow marshmallows, he turned back to the television searching through the Netflix menu for a movie but instead found a Christmas jingle channel and propped his feet up watching his toes wiggle about before the endless repeat of a log fire burning away on the screen's background. 

There was a thud outside the apartment, Bucky turning his head to see Sam opening the door and hustling in a medium sized though a little sickly looking pine tree into the apartment. He set the box on the table, jumping off the couch so he could push it out of the way and have a straight on path to where Steve wanted the tree placed for the stand right near one of the front windows at the room corner.

“Steve, I have no idea why you have this need every Christmas to get the slightly sad looking bald spotted, half dying trees. You saw the one I brought to Natasha’s now that one was a tree.”

Steve simply smiled at the one Sam brought in and Bucky could tell he had this nostalgic feeling of happiness to him knowing Sam did well.

“You know why Sam.”

Taking off his coat after getting the tree set in and filling the holder with water, Sam rolled his eyes but there was a smile there with it, warm and pleased that the tree was to Steve’s satisfaction.

“The tinsel and baubles will get the bare spots anyway.” Bucky let out, brushing his fingers along some of the needles.

“Do you decorate a tree at your place Bucky?”

“Oh no,” He turned to look at Sam, rolling his eyes a little, “They hire people to put up lights and about three trees around the main areas of the house, get things changed to a Christmas theme. I mean it looks swell but you know, no one cares. It’s just looks, mainly for a private dinner party that’s held every Christmas.”

“That’s too bad.”

He could only hazard a shrug, Steve setting a box marked _lights_ on the couch.

“Right, let’s get the lights up around the room first, chop chop.” Sam clapped his hands together, grabbing a couple sets of lights to hand over to Steve, “Steve you hang them out around this tired ol’ tree while I start putting them up around your living room.”

“Sure thing.”

Bucky stood around absently watching Sam rummage inside the tiny utility cabinet at the side just to pull out a folded two step ladder setting it over by the front door before flagging Bucky to come over to him, “I need you to get the rest of the lights and start connecting them. We always line them all the way around the living room.”

Steve glanced up, “I’d get Sam to do the whole place if I had enough lights.”

Sam rolled his eyes, “Good luck convincing me _that_ would be a great idea.”

Bucky laughed, pulling out another set of lights to attach to the end of the one Sam was beginning to put up, “What about your place Sam? Did you decorate yet?”

He didn’t look back, nodding and making a noise in affirmation, “I did. I slowly started after Thanksgiving actually. Once I got the things I was really missing, and some out of storage it only took me about three days to make it perfect but you can’t rush it. It’s therapeutic not to live with someone and get to have it how you want.”

Bucky looked over at Steve groaning into the tree as he was trying to thread the lights around, “Okay okay, I admit the dancing Santa on the front lawn was a little _too_ much. Do we have to go through this all the time?”

Grinning, Sam shuffled along, “Yes, yes we do Steve. You have a problem with trashy decorations.”

“Nothing’s trashy here though.”

“Talk to me again when you’ve tossed out the ornament of Santa on the toilet.”

Bucky burst out laughing, walking away from his job to look back at the table of decorations waiting to be hung, looking for it and finally picking it up to examine it, “Wow this is hilarious.”

Steve nodded, “Thank you, anyway it wasn’t me. It was Tony who gave it as a gift, I can’t throw that away what do you take me for?”

Sam rolled his eyes, studying the eyesore from the ladder, “Someone with better taste on what should be hung during a time of baby Jesus’ birth, your ma would be appalled.”

“Ma woulda loved it, she would have hung it out with care because it was a gift.”

“Yeah behind the tree. Rogers, your ma was a saint who said nothing rude to no one except for real awful people and that’s if she _had_ to like the Winston’s when they were saying you were a trouble maker which you were by the way, still are, but your ma still told them up from down bless her heart. She went to church every Sunday, there’s no way she would be hanging that up around where Jesus would be affronted by it.”

Steve couldn’t stop laughing, Bucky trying to take the lights out of his hands so he didn’t knock the damn tree over with his shaking shoulders already thick in it, “Move your butt Steve.”

“You’re an awful man Sam Wilson.”

“Why? Because I tell you the truth?”

“No, because your comebacks always make sense.”

Sam gave one last look at the atrocious pooping Santa before he went back to his lights, “You’re damn right I do.”

By the time Deck the Halls began playing through the television speakers Bucky was in his own little world, bouncing off his feet as he practically skipped with a box of generic red, blue and silver ornaments that were newly attached to small hooks for hanging humming away to himself in his baggy onesie and Sam could only share a look with Steve before he watched his friend’s eyes go back to watch Bucky like it was a special moment in time he wanted to cherish in his memory banks.

Sam concluded that maybe it was, reaching over to take one of the chocolate chip oatmeal cookies he had baked and placed in a tin, there was just _something_ special in Bucky that seemed to unlock. He knew he loved Christmas but the buzzing excitement seemed to be an understatement, fingers tenderly hanging each decoration with care and giving them secret little smiles like they were individually special to him. It was a little too adorable to say the least especially with a skeleton outfit, Sam felt like it was too much and not enough. The only thing that topped it was the stupid look on Steve’s face stopping his job on the hooks altogether so he could watch, the round adornments hung out and now Bucky was taking handfuls of tinsel and dusting it across the branches like he was handling fairy dust. 

It was too cute, Sam was going to get a cavity. 

Eventually they all settled in to watch It’s a Wonderful Life with the apartment lights off and the Christmas lights on. The tree basked in its own magnificence that even Sam had to admit looked great. Steve settled in the middle of the couch with his feet propped up wearing his own pair of Christmas socks; red and white with dancing green elves, a steaming cup of hot chocolate in hand and a throw blanket draped across his lap. Sam flanked him at one end not one to shy from holiday clothing having his own feet perched beside his friend's on top of the coffee table covered in bright red socks with a grinning Santa on each hoisting a sack of gifts and Bucky at Steve’s other side with his reindeer's though half way through the film he had fallen asleep with his hood pulled over his head curled up safe and warm against Steve’s side an arm wrapped tight around him. 

Sam could only smile, watching Steve tuck the hood of Bucky’s onesie tighter over his head to keep him warm, they glanced over at each other and nothing was really said, Sam reaching out with a fist to lightly punch his leg and Steve grinned, putting an arm tight around his best friend’s shoulders opening his mouth for a bite of cookie. Sam frowned but fed him anyway, he figured it was okay to spoil him when it was Christmas, or any other day because Steve was Steve and he could never love him any less.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is actually half of the chapter. All the action (>_>) is in the next part but I still need to finish it up so please bear with me, the holidays seem to be affecting my speed a little. @_@


	23. I'm sorry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A fight breaks out pushing tensions to a head and forcing parties from more than one side to say something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How are you? Are you comfy? Do you have comfort food on hand? Do you dislike my drama bombs? Well in the eternal words of Bart Simpson, "Strap on your skates Gordie, we're goin' in!".  
> (btw this is part 2 of 3, don't ask.)
> 
> [Chapter 23.pic/gif](http://kalika999.tumblr.com/post/154720708525/hunger-of-the-pine-chapter-23-pt-2-of-3-a)
> 
> Warnings:  
> \- Fighting/blood  
> \- Did anyone miss Rumlow acting protective? :3

**Mid December, 2015**  
  


Thor Odinson always held a raucous December party the few days after his parents left town to take a small mini Christmas vacation to be alone together. He was back in town for Christmas break and everyone always kept their schedule open to be a part of it. Fortunately Steve had insider knowledge about the day and managed to book it off, covering Pietro next week so he could leave one day early with his sister to visit some family up North, it was win win for both of them and Steve didn’t mind the hustle and bustle the last day brought in before Nick closed for three whole days so he could be gone for Christmas.

He milled through the party, Tony distracted as he walked beside him, greeting this person and that while Scott was rattling off about something Steve couldn’t really hear but trying his best to keep up with, the speakers blaring music at his other ear which was piping out all over the damn house. 

He could really get lost in this place even if he’s been to the Odinson’s multi million dollar home for days on end since Thor was the one that usually hosted the parties with the football team and the BBQ’s _and_ anything else that had party synonymous with it. Not to mention he was pretty sure Loki hosted enough of them too though he’s never been around when his brother has done as such even though now that he remembers a bit more of those times he had randomly seen him lurking around when they showed up, never one to stop to say hi. Sometimes he’d say something quick and sharp to Thor then storm out, Thor always shrugged and grinned and that was that. 

He had seen Johnny come in and get Thor riled up with plans of activities they wanted to do while partying before he disappeared off followed by guys toting a bunch of kegs towards the kitchen. Tons of people were already inside, meeting up with some old football buddies and school friends, Rhodey and Tony made it in due time. He hadn’t seen any sign of Bucky yet, but he was coming with Natasha, Clint having to work late. He prayed that didn’t mean Brock and Jack were going to show up too, though they tended to avoid these at times. He wasn’t sure how they judged it he just wasn’t sure a drunk Brock would be a good Brock if there was no fighting involved. 

Grant stared at the text across his screen, hitting send and tucking his phone away. 

It didn’t much matter if he was invited or not, he heard from a friend of a friend or..another friend. He figured with nothing better to do he might as well check out a party in the middle of the week, why not. Stalking up along the drive after parking his car, music played out windows and doors, his arm draped around one of his female friends as they made their way inside.

Eyes were on him, some recognizing and some having no idea. He only smirked to himself, pausing when a friend of his approached to say hi. It was all casual until Steve Rogers came towards them with a glare in his eyes and Grant opened his mouth to say something sarcastic but Rogers wasn’t having any of it, grabbing him by handfuls of his shirt and ramming him hard into the wall.

“Get out of here or I’ll fucking beat the shit out of you right now!”

Apparently when it came to being notified on his arrival, news traveled insanely quick.

Tony, Loki, Thor and Scott were all coming up behind Steve, careful but firm hands guiding him to pull back. 

Ward put his hands up to show he wasn’t up for a fight, fixing his shirt when the pressure was taken off, smirking at Steve, “You need to watch that temper of yours Rogers, could get a guy into massive trouble.”

Steve growled angrily, pulling forward and away from Scott’s hold to lunge and wrap his right hand around Grant’s throat, banging his head against wall again, fingers _squeezing_ so he made his point clear as he stared deeply into brown eyes with intent on what he wanted to do.

“You haven’t seen my temper yet, _believe me_ Ward.”

To Steve’s surprise Scott balled his fists up and stepped up closer beside him, “No one wants you here so you should just leave.”

A heavy gentle hand rested on Steve’s shoulder, firmly pulling him apart from Ward and Steve knew it was Thor before he looked. He gave him a light nod and moved back with Scott, the blond stepping in with Loki at his side, “As this is my family’s home, I require you and your party to leave peacefully.”

“Does it have to be peaceful brother? I think this fool deserves a good thrashing and look, who else should do it but Steven, perhaps Rumlow but since he’s not here I’m sure James would agree this is fitting since Steve did not get to finish it at the Halloween party.”

Thor gave Loki a disapproving look as his step-sibling only smiled wider in amusement nimble thin fingers poking at the red marks Steve left at Grant’s throat listening to the man let out a choked cough, mixed into his laughter, grabbing Loki’s forearm roughly and pulling him in just to grab at a handful of his raven hair if only over the fact that he was touching him, never a fan of Loki’s.

Loki didn’t make any sound but Thor did, angry and gruff, his large hand easily grabbing Grant by the throat where Steve had him only seconds ago and shook him jarringly watching hands easily let Loki go who only retreated back into the safety of everyone standing there smirking at Ward mischievously. 

Thor’s fingers tightened and for once, the cocky facade slipped away and surprise replaced it, a hand hitting the muscular blond’s wrist in a repeated tap out but the blond ignored him, leaning in close, “You are _not_ to raise a hand to my brother!”

Tony sighed coming closer when he saw the ire raised in Thor, nudging his elbow into him and pushing him back from crushing and choking, “Okay Point Break, he gets the point, no one touches Loki. I don’t want to see if there’s a way for Stark Industries to hide a murder, I’m still too young to have that kind of power at my disposal.”

A displeased look crossed Thor’s features but he released Grant though not without a shove away towards the door, pointing a finger silently while his eyes stayed narrowed and angry. 

Grant got the point, not missing that Bucky wasn’t even around and that was who he really wanted to rattle around for the fun of it, walking out the door with his two friends and rubbing at his throat not catching footsteps following him.

Loki smirked, playfully tugging at his sibling's arm, "Please resist such tactics where I may lose the chance to bemoan your existence brother."

The anger seemed to evaporate away immediately off Thor's face, looking mildly embarrassed, "Yes well, he should not have disrespected you, brother."

Loki only smiled wider at him, "You big oaf."

“Ward, stop." 

Steve wanted to know why he even showed up, he wasn’t invited so why would he risk trouble to show up here of all places?

“Steve.”

He turned to Tony close behind and he paused, “Please Tony, go back inside. I’ll be fine, I won’t hit him or anything I just want to ask him something in private, so let me just do that.”

Tony only looked at him, knowing what the subject matter was but not saying anything. Instead he shook his head and turned on his heels, walking back in silence.

“Must be hard work for him to listen to someone telling him what to do.”

Steve frowned, turning back around pausing for a moment as he watched Grant light up a cigarette, “You don’t talk about him.”

He only gave a nonchalant shrug in return, taking a long drag before he looked back to his two friends watching from where his car was, “Make this quick I have places to go.”

“Why did you even bother showing up, you aren’t stupid. You knew what was going to happen the moment one of us heard you were here.”

Gazing at blue eyes, Ward contemplated in seriousness seeing no reason to hold back, “Because, I promised Barnes I would make his life a living hell til I got answers.”

“But why are you doing this to Bucky? What’s he done to you that’s made you want to do all this to him, this can’t be all because of Clint.”

The stern look across Grant’s face suddenly and efficiently melted away into humored amusement, “Barton?” 

He shook his head, grinning like he wasn’t trying to laugh, looking at Steve like he was the biggest idiot in the world and that he might just feel a touch sorry for him.

“Are you kidding me right now? Fuck Barton.”

Clenched his jaw, Ward only raised his chin up staring into blue eyes like he was searching and he shook his head, “You don’t know, do you?”

“Apparently not.”

“He knows where Alexander Pierce is, maybe not the direct place but there’s something he knows. I intend to find out what it is, no matter what.”

“Judge Pierce’s son.”

Eyes brightened, “Exactly, maybe you’re not as stupid as you look.”

Steve ignored the remark, “And if I’m there to stop you, then what?”

He snorted in response, “You can try. He’s always going to keep coming after him. See, you might view this as something black and white but Barnes knows something, he’s just hiding it.”

Steve assumed the _he_ meant Alex’s father and after a few realizations things slowly began to click, “You must have seen the fight at the hospital or known someone who got the info to you but it wasn’t you who told George Barnes, it was Robert Pierce _after_ you found out.”

“The blond hair’s definitely deceptive on you, I’ll admit that.”

Steve shook his head, convincing himself not to punch this guy in the face, “Why are you so sure Bucky would know, if we’re actually going to talk about this on some level without me wanting to hit you in the face, I have to tell you he isn’t Pierce’s number one fan. Either of them.”

Ward shrugged, “Now doesn’t matter. _Back then_ though, Alex was Barnes’ world for a short amount of time before he disappeared.”

The idea couldn’t have been more skin crawling to Steve; the way Bucky didn’t want to talk about it, how he reacted, how he disliked anything related to that family. He couldn’t actually picture Bucky _admiring_ a Pierce.

Taking another drag, Grant paced around and Steve knew he was risking things, putting cards on the table he wasn’t sure he should especially if he was working with Alex’s father of all people. Steve was in the same position, Grant Ward was no ally and that was reciprocated clearly but he could also see the genuine need to know more information on his friend, a deep drive behind it that countered the threat of Judge Pierce possibly hanging over him. Steve wasn’t sure how long him and Alex had been friends for but loyal roots seemed to run deep for Ward to keep looking until his last breath and that’s what he seemed to happily sign up for. 

“Barnes was full on puppy love for Alex, they met through Rumlow you know. Rumlow and Alex were really good friends for a long while and one day when Alex came back from a trip to Europe Rumlow made sure to introduce two of his favorite people to each other. They clicked right away. Barnes was Alex’s little _pet_. Don’t get me wrong, Alex liked him. Took him out places, spent a lot of time with him. Guy had a jealous mean streak though when someone would look at Barnes the wrong way, eyes lingering on him for too long, getting too close to him. We’d take them to back alleys, side streets, pull them away all real quiet and sometimes we could easily intimidate or threaten them or we would end up working them over without alerting your boy because for some reason he wasn’t all that interested in violence. God only knows how he ended up getting Rumlow attached to him, the guy’s always been Barnes’. Alex, me, Rumlow, some other guys we knew..hell even Rollins, we all did it. We were all close and then poof, two years ago Alex was just fucking gone. Barnes was one of the last people who saw him before that happened. He knows something.” 

Steve waited in silence, not sure if he was going to continue, watching him pace like a stalking predator.

“Next thing I knew, Rumlow and Rollins took off, two fucking peas in a pod those two, pretty sure they’re screwin’ each other or some shit.” He snapped his fingers in the air, puffing out smoke between his lips, “The three of them just never turned back. Rumlow’s always been loyal to a fault; with Alex gone he was only going to be loyal to Barnes unless something happened to Rollins. I never trusted Barnes when he was with Alex, or when we were kids and he was protecting Barton and I don’t trust him now. All I want is answers just like the Judge.” 

Folding his arms over his chest, Steve frowned at the information not knowing exactly how to take it all in, “You know you got a death wish with Rumlow, right?”

Grant only looked at him like that was old news, “What’s new? Not that you aren’t out of the woods yourself loverboy. Sure I egg him on, but you got your eye on one of his most prized possessions. You’re asking for a death wish yourself. How is that by the way? Getting some on the side while you got Tony fucking Stark around your little finger?”

Shaking his head, Steve’s eyes dimmed a little, “Is that what you want? For me to hit you? All I want is information, we can be civilized adults and talk it out.”

Ward chuckled, stamping out his smoke, “Right, because I’m gonna swallow that bullshit from you Rogers. You’re not here to protect a friend, it’s all _over_ your damn face how you feel about Barnes so don’t try that protecting a friend crap with me. You wanna fuck him just like anyone else taking an interest in him.”

Steve flushed, stepping forward just as Grant strategically stepped back, raising a finger to stop him, “Control that temper Rogers before you burn this bridge, that alpha male thing really doesn’t work for you.”

“Leave, before I make you leave.”

He sneered, “Have fun with your little love triangle, should have your hands full when they’re both under the same roof as you tonight and it’s not a party where Barnes has to keep things civil.”

Steve watched Grant laugh to himself as he walked away and back to his car, swiftly climbing in with his friends and taking off down the drive. 

He didn’t know how to handle the slew of information, assuming it was all true, but there was something about it he couldn’t quite place as anything but truth which only caused Steve to feel like there was way too much that was wrong with the whole situation. Turning back to go inside, he was feeling like he had just stepped into something that was worth more than he bargained for. 

 

Bucky roared down the road, making a sharp turn into the Odinson’s long driveway feeling Natasha’ sharp gaze on him and he only grinned, slowing it down at he crawled the drive, “What? It’s fun.”

“I see why it’s a good idea to use taxi cabs and public transportation, you’re going to kill yourself one day James.”

He pressed a hand to her arm after cutting the engine, getting out of the car to jog around and open the door to her side, putting a hand out to help her out. Long tanned legs and black peekaboo shoes stepped out before she entirely revealed herself in a white long sleeved mini dress. In blank comparison Bucky had thrown on a pair of dark blue jeans and a black Oxford button down, with his sleeves rolled up just before the elbow always paired with worn out skate shoes.

“Nat, what’s the point of driving an Aston Martin if you don’t hit it past the speed limits? James Bond didn’t follow speed limits.”

She shook her head at him sliding her arm around his as they walked towards the house, “I don’t feel like dying though and you are _not_ James Bond, Kotyonok. You are James Barnes too noisy to be a spy.”

He grinned, “I resent that. I could be sneaky.”

“Maybe, but not around me.”

Begrudgingly agreeing he moved past it, “Clint wouldn’t mind my driving.”

She lightly hit his chest, “That’s because he’s as crazy as you are.”

They entered through the opened double doors, glancing around towards the entrance of a large living room, loud music blaring out through strategically placed speakers. He couldn’t recognize a lot of people, though he noticed a few that would usually be at random parties. He glanced at Natasha with a shrug, a knowing smile gracing her lips. 

Bucky raised a brow, “What?”

“Can’t find Steve?”

The brunette rolled his eyes, “I’m just looking around, seeing who’s here.”

“Alright James.”

“Bucky!”

He felt his head immediately snap to the direction of Steve’s voice, a smile gracing his features as the blond jogged over with a tight hug, “You came, awesome I have no idea who most of these people are!”

Bucky laughed, resting his hands against Steve’s waist, Steve dropping an arm to give Natasha a quick hug but keeping the other around his friend’s shoulders, “Good to see you too Natasha.” 

She gave him a smile, fixing the collared shirt he was wearing before they both stopped and she caught the marks under the material, meeting his eyes and leaving it alone in silent understanding, “You too Steve. How are you?”

He grinned, “I’m great.”

Tony walked with James from the kitchen, swallowing his beer before raising his eyes to Bucky and Steve, “Jesus.”

Rhodey tried not to say I told you so, only coughing the beer he choked on when he saw Tony’s face. 

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do Tones.” 

“But then that’s the reason we’re best friends."

In a quick flash Tony broke away and waded through the numerous unknown faces, playfully smacking Steve’s behind causing him to turn in surprise. 

“I was wondering where you went.”

Steve grinned, “I saw Bucky come in and had to say hi to him and Natasha.”

Natasha coyly smiled at Tony, extending her hand. Tony’s features shifted, flashing her a charming smile, “Well hello again.”

Bucky tried not to laugh, glancing at Steve knowingly as Steve only rolled his eyes. 

“Barnes.”

Bucky flashed Tony a simple smile and a nod, dropping his hand from off of Steve’s hip. 

“James! Natasha!” Thor bellowed from across the room, people parting for the blond like the sea and he was grinning from ear to ear, a few friends following along in his wake. He wrapped his arms tightly around Bucky’s body giving him a bear hug before he turned to Natasha stooping to hug her just as tightly, lifting her off the floor.

“It is good to see you both!”

“Aw yeah Bucky’s here!”

Bucky was grinning at Thor, moving his head around his large frame to see Johnny coming up from behind double fisting two beer cups and pressing one into Bucky’s hand and one into Natasha’s before he wrapped his arms around Bucky’s waist and hoisted him up to give him his own crushing hug. He gave Natasha a wink over Bucky’s shoulder and she smiled at him, giving him a little wave as she pressed the beer in Steve’s hand and he shrugged taking a sip.

Grabbing a hold of her hand, Thor gestured towards the kitchen, “Come with me, I require your knowledge on sour cream and ranch dips, and guacamole. We must put out snacks and food before more people show up. I also would like to catch up!”

Nat tilted her head at him, “More people?"

“Of course.”

Johnny grinned as he watched them, turning back to Bucky drinking from his cup, he gently pressed his hand under the bottom and tilted it up, nodding when Bucky glanced at him over it, “Chug it, we got vodka shots to do.”

Rolling his eyes, he did as he was told, Tony and Steve standing by as James walked over handing Tony his credit card, “I ordered about thirty pizza’s, pepperoni, plain cheese and Hawaiian. I’ll go let Thor know.” 

Tony grinned, tucking his card back in his wallet, “Great Rhodes, my job here is done.”

“It’s not done til you get wasted.” Johnny informed with a grin, looking towards the table of alcohol and making a beeline for a bottle of vodka and some plastic shot glasses.

“The man has a point, let’s go preoccupy one of the kitchen kegs Steve.”

Steve looked from Tony eyeing him to Bucky giving him a smile and a farewell wave before he turned and moved through the people standing around to follow after where Johnny was. He felt Tony tug at his arm and he glanced at him with a smile, both walking hand in hand towards the kitchen.

 

Bucky leaned against the wall listening to the music blaring out of the speakers nearby, Natasha draped her arm around his waist beside him, “Do you want another beer?” 

He tilted his head against hers, nodding slowly before passing the empty bottle to her. Steve walked over, sliding himself at his other side, his shoulder leaning into the wall to face him, “How are you holding up?”

Bucky shrugged, “Alright, comfortably relaxed. Why what are you up to?”

The blond only smiled, propping his arm on Bucky’s shoulder letting his eyes linger a little bit and Bucky did the same feeling bold enough, “We need some more for beer pong, you want to come play?”

“So that’s where Johnny wandered off to.”

Steve smirked, “Yep, he’s setting it up and lining up some guys. You in?”

Furrowing his brows and trying to read the time on his phone, Bucky shook his head, “Nah Loki’s about to start his set, I might go dance. You interested Rogers?”

Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was the way Bucky was looking at him with his bottom lip between his teeth and eyes hopeful if not slightly bleary but all he could do was mouth out a yes.

Beaming, Bucky took his hand, tilting his head to Natasha and all three of them went to join people already enjoying themselves in a crowd. Steve grinned, easing his movements in as he watched Bucky break ahead of them and turn, arm out. Natasha’s hand pressed against his and he pulled her towards him getting a playful little turn out of her before he grinned and let go, the both of them dancing close matching move for move the pair of them in tune like they were used to following each other for years. Bucky’s eyes met Steve’s as he watched and he extended his arm pulling him in between them a shyness rushing over him as there was no way he could dance like those two did together. 

Without a warning Natasha pressed her hands to his hips encouraging him to go with it, leaning in by his ear, “You’re fine.”

And he was, smiling as his hips took over and Natasha snuggled close up against his back, it wasn’t awkward or unnerving, it only felt like a second skin, her palms sliding around over his shirt to press them against his stomach and Bucky danced before him smiling encouragingly. Steve only grew confident putting his hand out and taking Bucky’s giving him a gentle tug to pull him over. Grinning, Bucky chewed at his lip resting his free hand against Steve’s shoulder. They gave each other space between them, Natasha’s hands softly patting Steve’s stomach to the tune and it was fun and easy between the three of them, the music shifting to something faster. 

Bucky stepped back still holding Steve’s hand giving him a wink as he danced for him bouncing off his feet to the poppy beat like everything about it was easy. The crowd and the music were too loud to tell what he was saying but Steve could see under the flashes of lights that Bucky was singing out the lyrics, eyes half closed and grinning about nothing in particular their fingers entwining together while he watched his friend let loose. 

Natasha came around, Bucky’s free hand taking one of hers as she closed the circle with Steve all three of them collectively dancing to the happy excited movement of bodies and feet. Steve was sure they looked a bit silly together in a hand linked circle but Bucky was too deep in the music to care and Natasha’s seemingly composed personality didn’t appear to mind showing Steve a little bit more of herself. She wasn’t as open as Bucky’s obvious sensual glide with the music but he could still see she was letting herself enjoy it, it was just them having some fun and he loved it.

 

Tony walked over to the bar, leaning in to grab a barely touched bottle of scotch off the far side, Natasha and Bucky standing huddled together at one of the side tables beside it where extra supplies and things to mix the alcohol with stayed, Bucky taking another shot Natasha poured for him, the both of them laughing about something together. 

He watched them at the corner of his eye, trying his best even though he knew he was failing incredibly to be okay with Barnes around especially when he saw the way he was staring at Steve when he finally found where his boyfriend had wandered off to after saying he wanted to find more for beer pong. He wasn’t going to say anything, not right then but it bothered him, attempting to swallow down and ignore the fact that Barnes was staring at Steve like he wanted to take a bite out of him and at least a little of it looked like Steve just might let him.

“I can see by your face you’re plotting, stop plotting Tony.”

Tony deadpanned, glancing at Rhodey sidling up beside him and blocking his view.

“There is no way you know I’m plotting, I wasn’t plotting anyway so I’m sorry to disappoint you.”

James nodding, putting some ice in a glass for him and pouring out some of the scotch Tony still hadn’t opened up, grabbing himself one of the beers lined in ice, “Yeah well, whatever you got going on in your head you need it stop it right now. No trouble tonight, I mean it.”

Schooling an face of innocence, Tony pressed a hand to his chest, “ _Me_? I was doing no such thing. I am a pillar of excellence tonight.”

“A pillar of bullshit.”

Sam joined into the conspiratorial conversation nodding, “He’s right.”

Keeping his hand to his chest, Tony looked past them for friends lingering around for support, “This is a hate crime going on.”

Sobering his smile, Rhodey nudged his best friend, “Really, be good tonight. You don’t need anything like last time or it’s going to blow up in your face even if it ends up being to your benefit. Are you hearing me?”

Rolling his eyes and tching at him, Tony nodded, waving him off absently as he sipped at his drink. 

Walking past them, Steve gave his boyfriend’s hip a gentle squeeze, nodding along to the music before he stopped beside Natasha with an arm against her shoulders, leaning by Bucky’s ear. Tony tensed when he watched Bucky’s hand go around Steve’s waist, index finger hooking against one of the belt loops and laughing as he dropped his head against Steve’s broad shoulder. As quickly as he arrived, Steve took off to Thor’s shouting and arm waving at them all over the music about something or other and he jogged towards the kitchen. Sam and Rhodey following close behind. Natasha and Bucky looked that way but decided better to stick where they were and Tony wanted to be close to the scotch.

If someone asked Tony later exactly _when_ everything clicked into place for him to get something off his chest he truly couldn’t say when he just acted on instinct which was something he did always. He filled his glass again, a slow saunter towards the pair, drinking down what was in his glass and ignoring the burn.

“I know you have feelings for him so just cut the shit Barnes.”

Bucky turned away from Natasha in confusion and only smirked when he saw Tony, a chuckle escaping his lips. He turned back to the side table, barely noticing the squeeze Natasha had given him on his shoulder. The warning she always gave to try to say something without a word. She watched him take another shot and he gave her a wicked petulant smile. Face blotchy and echoing an expression she always saw when he was about to run his mouth. If anyone asked Bucky later why _he_ decided to encourage Tony, he couldn’t do anything but go on instinct either.

“Didn’t he say nothing was going on between me and him Stark? Or are you just one of those type of guys that just keeps holding on to crap and doesn’t wanna believe his boyfriend because that’s really pathetic.” 

“It’s not a one sided road, you need to back off!”

Bucky only took it as a challenge, feeling lit up and belligerent, he rolled his eyes, “What do you want me to say? Do you want me to ask you if Steve told you about last night because God, he felt so good that night.”

It wasn’t exactly a lie. Steve did feel good touching him, Tony didn’t have to know nothing went on and that he pulled himself away. That he was high off being hand fed and held close, but alert just enough to pull himself away from the situation before Steve realized what was going on in his pants and frustration kicked in.

“James..” Natasha looked at him pointedly, she knew. She always knew. Her green eyes giving him that look he hated. She should have been glad he didn’t point out the bruises at Steve’s neck.

“What the hell are you- ” Tony grabbed at his shirt sleeve and Bucky immediately pulled out of his grasp not looking at him.

“What do you wanna do Stark? You wanna fight me right here over Steve, let’s go Money Bags."

Bucky smirked, taking another shot from Natasha. She gave him that same look after taking the shot glass from him, neither of them noticing Tony. Didn’t hear him call Bucky out as a son of a bitch and when Bucky turned back around, Tony’s fist connected into Bucky’s face. Pain exploded around his left eye, grunting out in surprise. Another fist connected with his nose before he fell against the propped table.

“James! Tony stop!” 

He heard Natasha’s voice but he couldn’t see her, not with only one eye opened. He inhaled, the warm wet sensation of blood in his nostrils, the side of his hand instinctively brushing over the tender area. His body moved on instinct alone pushing himself up with a growl of anger, blinking back and forcing himself to keep both eyes open. He pivoted his frame to where the other male had been standing, lifting up balled up fists and swung before Tony got another chance to hit him again. His blind swing connected into Tony’s jaw, his other cracked him in the cheekbone.

_Too fucking easy._

The literal _crack_ rang in Bucky’s ears, silent space surrounding them when someone had cut out the music. Stark yelled out, pushing himself into Bucky, driving his shoulder into his chest. The pair of them stumbled through the open space in the living room, party goers moving to make room for them both. Bucky wrapped his hands around Tony’s upper arms to pry him off while he fought to scramble backwards with him. 

They both came to a stop colliding into a china hutch, Bucky taking the brunt of the force as half his body fell through the glass casing, the smaller pieces of glass exploding out everywhere from the force of the impact like miniature shards of diamonds. He felt his head hold at the wood frame for a moment before succumbing to the pressure, a sharp pain shocking through his body. 

Bigger glass and porcelain fragments showered over them, neither noticing the damage. Tony’s nostrils flared, gritting his bared teeth as his bloody hands gripped tightly to Bucky’s shirt, pulling him out of the case forcefully only to push him back into the cabinet, using the framework to bounce his skull. 

Sparks of white flashed before Bucky’s eyes, gnashing his teeth as his head felt muddled, sharp abrupt colored streaks covered his vision as he tried to adjust his sight. He felt the the warm trickle of blood running down his face not sure where it was coming from exactly. He blinked repeatedly trying to get some sort of composure, forcing himself to keep his bruised eye open. He swung out his right fist, connecting into Tony’s abdomen. A heavy rush of air expelled from Tony in a low groan, pulling himself to stumble backwards. 

Bucky pushed himself off the case feeling a sharp intense sting hit his forearm, something scratching down his skin. He registered cutting his arm but ignored the warm wetness it produced, his left hook connecting to Tony’s jaw, the brunette gargling and coughing as he stumbled, spitting up blood down his shirt.

Natasha had been frozen in her tracks the shattering of the dishes of the cabinet jarring her from everything. Both males were covered in smeared blood and scratches, both still swinging fists. When Bucky managed to get Tony off him, he looked more haggard than the other but she knew he would take the hits, Tony on the other hand. She cringed at the third punch to Tony’s face the collision making a thick sludgy sound much to the amusement of the other drunken house guests watching. 

Loki sidled beside Natasha, his hands pressed together with a look of glee on his face. She rolled her eyes, “Why are you grinning?”

“You think maybe my parents will finally ship Thor off to some military college school overseas for this?”

Johnny walked over, trying to really look at what he was staring at considering he was way too drunk for this, “Is that Bucky?"

Natasha grabbed his arm, “Go try to break them up, I’ll go get the guys okay?"

He nodded back to her, though a line of trepidation crossed his face as well and she knew he didn’t fight. He wasn’t boneheaded but he would try, watching him push past the crowd of people.

Natasha shook her head in frustration at those two idiots, maneuvering herself out the other direction looking for Thor and Steve as well as the other guys. The music was back but lower and cheers had drowned out a lot of the other noises though she flinched to the sound of glass breaking. None of them were even in the kitchen dread chewing away, she needed them to stop this. The crowd roared again, something shattering behind her and she turned her head to the noise. The back kitchen door was open a little and she stumbled outside to find them all standing about having a laugh.

Steve immediately stopped when she was outside sensing something wrong, he setting his drink down to grab her shoulder, “What’s wrong?”

Natasha looked up at him, grabbing his shoulders quickly, and addressing the other males as well, “You guys need to go now! James and Tony are fighting! Go!”

“Arguing?!” Rhodey blurted out, following them inside.

“No!” Nat shrilly cried out, “They’re fist fighting, hurry Steve! Thor, go!”

Bucky swung and connected with his nose, Tony blindly pushing the heel of his hand into the underside of Bucky’s chin, his other hand gripping tight to a fistful of his shirt to keep him close. Tony thrust his body forward, shouldering into the frame before him feeling Bucky’s head slam back against the wall. The brunette abruptly squeezed his eyes closed seeing stars as white hot pain flashed at the base of his skull, the back of his neck warm and sticky.

He felt Tony’s knee nail in the stomach as hard as he could, causing the air to knock from his lungs, a burning sensation welling in the spot. Bucky collapsing down to his knees along the wall when Tony pulled off him taking his eyes a second to see Tony aiming his knee for his face. Johnny came out from behind and wrapped his arms around Tony, the pair of them stumbling forward into the wall next to where Bucky had been. Alcohol put Johnny at a disadvantage, Tony already fired up and angry as he tried to shake him off. They both struggled, Johnny managing to lock his hand around his own wrist to contain the male. Tony threw himself and Johnny back into the wall to shake him off but Johnny refused to release him.

“Stark! Chill out, just calm down!”

“Get off me!”

Johnny tried to wrestle him down but Tony used his shorter frame to bring his legs up and push his weight off the side of the bar, sending them both colliding into the wall again and when the grip loosened in surprise Tony pivoted slightly to turn and swing his elbow back connecting with Johnny’s face and arms let go. He stumbled away to where Bucky was trying to get himself up after catching his breath his movements cloudy and disoriented from all the blows to the back of his head. Tony stumbled over and grasped at his shirt, yanking Bucky to look up at him hearing the faint sound of material tearing. 

“Oh no, stay down there Barnes, should be used to it though it’s hard being a slut when your face is all fucked up.” 

“Fuck you,” Bucky spat out, blinking up at him a bit more clearly before leaning back with a rock of his knees and snapping forward, forehead slamming hard into Tony’s abdomen. “I still got a lot of fight left in me for you.”

Tony coughed, faltering for a moment giving Bucky the chance to launch himself upright from the balls of his feet, his left arm hooking Tony’s right to yank him in and lock them together. His fist flew hard into Tony’s nose again, the sound of cheering drowning everything out but he felt the wet slick sensation of blood and spongy cartilage caving to the pressure of his strike and he punched him again into the same spot. Tony struggled to get his arm out pushing his hand into Bucky’s shoulder, their feet tangled into each other both falling over themselves. 

Blinded, Tony flung out his arm out as they fought for footing, toppling backwards and he suddenly felt an awkward shock of pain ripple through his wrist. They both crashed hard into an antique coffee table behind him, completely destroying it. 

Louder cheers erupted as they punched and clawed at each other, rolling off the wood and finally Tony managed to get on top. Bucky struggled to untangle himself, Tony’s punch connecting with Bucky’s mouth when his right arm was finally let go. Bucky tasted the blood, ducking a second swing as he quickly reached a hand up to clench hard against Tony’s already bruised and cut up jaw, digging his fingers in as hard as he could into his cheek he knew was fractured from the start, his thumb clawing and digging under his chin hearing the brunette cry out in angry pain. 

Bucky took the chance to punch him again in the mouth, shoving him off as Tony tried to press his hands around his mouth. He dragged himself backwards to sit up, chest heaving as he moved onto one knee thinking it was over and Tony caught sight of him trying to get away, scrambling up to his feet and charging in blind fury, tackling him into the debris of the table, “You fucker!”

Hands wrapped around Bucky's throat and Tony choked back the sharp pain jolting from his left wrist, adrenaline muting it out as he tightened fingers around tender skin, “Stay away from Steve!” 

Fear overcame and bled through Bucky like a cold chill shooting down his spine, fight or flight kicking in harder than it needed to be when it wasn’t about just defending himself from Tony’s barrage of attacks anymore, something more made itself known. Something locked away in the recesses of Bucky's mind triggering panic, his own hands wrapping around Tony's throat and _squeezing_ , his eyes wide and lost in a blind frenzied horror.

Johnny stumbled forward and pulled Tony into a headlock attempting to pull him off of Bucky, “Let him go! Tony! Let. Him. Go!”

Steve felt his heartbeat pick up, adrenaline coursing through him pushing past people roughly not stopping to address any protests. Another chorus of cheers burst out from the crowd and then Johnny’s voice.

“Move!” He heard himself bark at a tight line of friends all standing firmly near the front. 

Thor pushed past with Steve, forcefully getting Tony off Bucky with little effort as Johnny kept pulling him back only getting to the side when Rhodey moved in to take his place. Steve moved to get Bucky but Johnny swiftly moved in, concern gracing his face and lightly touching Bucky’s reddened throat as he began to cough for air. Steve couldn’t hear through the audible boo’s and groans for more fighting, watching Bucky pull himself to sit up and nod at Johnny with his eyes closed, fingers pressed against his neck.

Johnny pulled Bucky to his feet, blood caked down his own face and along his t-shirt. He didn’t let him go, watching as Bucky leaned against him for support trying to blink back the blurriness in his eyes, Jo abruptly grabbing him by the arms when Tony made another lunge for him his own throat displaying angry red hand marks, Bucky doing the same to Tony while they both glared furiously at each other. Steve looked to the floor, noticing a slow drip of blood, dark and red alongside Bucky’s shoe.

“Allow me.” Thor announced noticing the same thing, disappearing into the kitchen before coming back with a dish towel. He handed it to Johnny watching him wrap it around Bucky’s arm carefully.

Tony tried to pull from Rhodey’s grasp again, his friend holding on tighter, “Just let us get back to what we were doing!”

“Tony! Stop it.”

Bucky glared angrily at Tony, his darkened eyes shifting to Steve holding him gently trying to calm his boyfriend down. That melancholy came back, that _hurt_. Steve didn’t give a shit about him and he had no real reason to fight Tony except to set the asshole straight. He wasn’t even trying because he didn’t want to mess him up completely, he never planned to break or fracture anything. It didn’t matter anyway, it wasn’t going to win him Steve and his lit torch for him turned into a bitter seething inferno.

“Fuck this. Keep sticking around with this asshole! Don’t come to me anymore when he fucking breaks your heart. I’m tired of cleaning up your messes Stark. You two deserve each other. I’m getting the fuck out of here. This is some really fucked up shit.”

“Buck.”

His hand snatched Natasha’s as she stood by and she proceeded to follow him out the door, pushing past a group of people huddled around behind him. He ignored Steve crying out his name, his free hand quickly pulling out his car keys willing his fingers to stop shaking as his body protested all movements and begging him to rest, feeling Nat tighten the dampening towel around his arm. 

Someone turned the music up higher again, the rage he held back boil over into searing tears he forced himself to keep down. He let go of Natasha’s hand to move around the car, his body began to throb as the adrenaline was leaving him. The tense anxiety crept up into him like he was so used to. Trying hard to will himself to calm down just enough to get away, just a little, convince his entire being to let him do this to find somewhere safer than here. He jabbed the button on his remote, switching the car alarm off, unlocking the doors.

He only stopped when he felt his arm get tugged, turning to stand face to face with Johnny who was looking at him in concern. It was then Bucky finally saw the blood that stained his skin, the trail dried away showing it had dripped past his lips and down off his chin, “Jo, your face. Shit.”

Johnny only grinned, moving a hand to check the towel pressed against Bucky’s wound, “I’m great. Don’t worry about me, it’s your face I’d be worried about right now. Looks like someone threw red paint into it”

Bucky realized he had probably tried to step into the middle of their fight, his involuntarily shaking hand lightly touching the bridge of his friend’s nose, “Did I hit you?”

He shook his head, “I caught Tony’s elbow with my face when I went to grapple him off you.”

“I..um, I’m sorry.”

Johnny shook his head, opening the driver’s side door for him, “Go Barnes, just call me okay?”

At the already propped double front doors Steve frantically appeared, breaking out into a run, “Bucky wait! Please don’t go!” 

Bucky didn’t look up, he already knew Steve was running for him looking sad and desperate, it was the look Bucky always fell for and it was a fucking joke. He pulled himself into the car, staring at the wheel for a moment pensively before starting it up. He glanced over for Nat, barely able to keep his swollen eye open, his head pounding.

Johnny moved back and caught up to Natasha who turned and stood up tall in front of Steve, even with their obvious size difference. She held onto his arms to keep him from moving past her, green eyes penetrating his, “Steve stop. Leave him alone. Please.”

Steve frantically looked towards the car, wanting to push her off him but he knew he couldn’t, his eyes desperately trying to think of something quickly. He finally looked down at her, “I need him to stop and come back.”

Natasha nodded, loosening her grip to rub the sides of his arms understandingly, “I know you do, but I can’t let you. You need to let him go, he’s upset and he’s angry.”

Steve’s brows knit together in worry, “I don’t..I need to talk to him..it’s important..”

Natasha pursed her lips, the intensity softening into gentle concern, she cupped his cheek to ground him and look at her, “It won’t do anything to tell him you’re in love with him you know.”

“He’s _what_?” Johnny blurted out in surprise, eyes widening, “Wow you’re..I _knew_ you had a hard on for him but I didn’t know entirely.."

“Johnny.” Natasha eyed him and he promptly shut his mouth.

Steve blinked a few times, finally looking at the redhead in determination. He swallowed deeply, finally giving in, “Why not?” 

A small corner of her mouth turned up a low smile, “This isn’t a romantic movie Steve. It’s real life, admitting to him how you feel won’t fix everything, it will make it worse. I know it sounds wrong but you know it’s true. What you need to do is leave him alone. He cares about you a lot but he’s not going to stand around idle while he thinks you’re getting hurt. He’s not afraid if he feels like he’s making some sort of point and how long do you think it was going to keep going like it was? There’s only so much he was going to deal with. You need to let him breathe.”

“Look, Rogers. I know you hate me and stuff because I get naked with the guy you apparently I just found out you’re in love with and wow this is a soap opera right here but, if you push him he’ll run. You wanna push a guy that could easily use a private plane as a mode of transportation for going into hiding? Do you really wanna test that? If he really wants to hide from you he’ll make sure you won’t find him.”

Bucky stared straight ahead, hands on the wheel while the engine purred. His thumb flicked on the steering wheel button for the passenger side window watching it move down at the corner of his eye, “Natalia!”

Steve’s eyes jumped over to Bucky’s intense profile then back to the two before him, “No, he’s done something like that before so no. I don’t want him to do that. And Nat, I guess it wouldn’t help anyone if I said something.”

She shook her head, giving his cheek a comforting pat before giving him a small smile, “Bye Steve.” 

The blond watched her jog over and climb into the car, Johnny leaving to make his way back inside, Bucky refusing to look in Steve’s direction, his car roaring off down the road as soon as Natasha slammed it closed.

Tony took another drink from the beer he was offered, cheek on fire and he wasn’t sure what was wrong with it, already swelling up and it hurt to touch it. He was thankful for Rhodey knowing how to set his nose back, not even questioning why Thor had a better than average first aid kit to clean some of him up with. He watched out the window as he awkwardly tried to cradle his evidently torn wrist, blood darkening the area and it was double the size of his other wrist already. 

He tilted his head to James walking up beside him holding his own beer. They watched Sam approach Steve giving him a light pat on his shoulder. Rhodey walked over lightly icing Tony’s face as he held his cheek carefully, “Someone called an ambulance for you. Damn he made hamburger out of your face.”

Tony groaned, “I got some good shots in did I not?”

His friend chuckled softly, “Of course you did, throwing him into that china hutch helped too.”

Stark broke out in a grin but quickly winced over the pain coming from different directions around his face, “I use my environment to my advantage, it works well.”

Tony was lost in his head, running his tongue lightly against a cut along his lip abruptly putting his beer aside and tearing out of the house, the ice still pressed hard to his cheek and jaw. Sam immediately sensed his appearance his body tensing while Steve only looked up. 

“So how long were you going to keep going with this huh?” Tony pushed through the various levels of agony shooting through and his warped way of speaking, the difficulty of it making him feel worse.

Sam made a small sound of disapproval, giving Tony that same exact look hoping he was gonna shut his mouth.

Steve sighed tiredly, staring down the road for a second hoping perhaps Bucky would come back then turned back to his boyfriend, “What are you going on about now?”

“What am I going on about?! What do you think I’m going on about? How long have you been messing with Barnes behind my back?”

“Man, shut the hell up!” Sam blurted out, growing increasingly annoyed at the situation.

Steve raised a hand towards Sam to silence him, his head turning back to Tony, “Messing with him behind your back? I never messed with him behind your back. I’ve told you I never slept with Bucky.”

Tony seethed, the pain in his face and around his body only irritating him, he heard his voice rise and feel further upset. The memories of Bucky running his fingers through Steve’s hair, the way Bucky caressed his hand along Steve’s jaw, the fact that they held hands. The way he had seen them both look at each other at the party like they wanted more. _That they slept in the same bed together over the numerous visits from Barnes._ How he fucking thought he was imagining that gaze they held. How much had he not seen?

“So he was lying when he said you two were sleeping together?!”

“Jesus Tony! Really?” Steve felt his face growing warm, his own frustrations brewing within him. He wanted to go after Bucky, he wanted Tony not to be so upset. He wanted to wish himself a few hours back so he could have somehow known a way to avoid this mess. And yet, Ward called it.

“Bucky said that shit to piss you off. I’ve never had sex with him, yes I have slept in the same bed as him I told you that. I don’t really see why that’s a problem considering you had no problem putting your dick into other women before!”

Tony’s hand balled into a fist, he sensed James stepping closer, always keeping an eye out for him but Tony didn’t move instead his voice only rose, “I’ve never fucked another guy while I’ve been with you. You’re the one that I’m myself with! You! I fucking love you and you’re running after a guy you’ve barely known!”

Steve felt his face fall, a splash of sadness shifting on it, “Tony..I don’t expect you to understand but you don’t know him like I do.”

Tony’s face screwed up into a confused look with annoyance bundled in, “Excuse me? Should I be caring about what kind of person he is?”

Steve’s blues looking into Tony’s eyes, “No, you shouldn’t care but you should understand that he is one of my best friends.”

The brunette broke out a laugh, bitterness washing over it, “One of your best friends, right like Sam? I know Sam is your best friend. Bucky Barnes is a parasite.”

Sam looked at Rhodes, his hand raised as a gesture to stop Tony from talking. The other male gripped Stark’s arm, “C’mon Tones, you’ve had a few too many to drink let’s get you home.”

Steve stepped forward, his heart beginning to pound in his ears, the sympathy he had felt for Tony abruptly snapped from his mind, “No Rhodey, let him talk. Let him tell me what he really would like to say.”

Sam sucked in a sharp breath of air through his teeth, _this_ is what should have happened in private. This conversation right here before all this blew up in their faces and now with the anger it was all the wrong way to go about it.

Tony arched a brow at the challenge, a curl of his lip matching icy stares. He shrugged his best friend off of him, stepping closer to Steve’s towering bulk, his finger defiantly rising up, pressing deep into Steve’s chest.

“You met a guy that was caught breaking into your apartment. He’s always all over you. Always wanting to be my replacement. You know what I think? I think he’s out for you Steve. He just latched onto you and wants everything from you. Only parasites exploit others, Barnes gives you nothing in return, he just keeps taking that considerate nature you have, that need you have to protect people to his advantage. First impression, you thought he was poor and had it rough huh? Didn’t know he was born with a silver spoon in his mouth did you? He can buy anything he wants and yet he’s hanging out with you usually at night wanting nothing more than to end up sleeping in your bed with you. What do you guys do hm? Who initiates? Do you hold him close oh wait, right. He’s the big spoon. He even figured that one out for you didn’t he?”

Steve felt his face flush red, his lips pressed into a thin line, glaring at Tony. He felt his body shake slightly, pressing his hands as hard as he could against his legs. 

James stepped closer behind Stark, “Tony, you’re drunk. You’re not making any sense.”

Tony pressed his finger harder against Steve’s sternum, his eyes not parting from his boyfriend’s, “Oh I think Steve here understands that I’m making perfect sense. He just doesn’t want to believe me.”

The blond finally acted, slapping the brunette’s hand from his chest with force, hands shot up to grasp at fabric pulling Tony up to inches to his face, so close that Tony felt the high levels of heat radiating off his body.

“Listen here, and listen good you hypocritical asshole. Since he’s been around, Bucky has always been there for me when you haven’t. He has never consciously stepped out of line and he never did anything to take advantage of the situation. You wanna know the truth Tony? You really want to know? I’ve actually thought to cross the line with him. I _dreamt_ about it.” A sad small smile drew along Steve’s face, clutching Tony’s shirt tighter between his fingers, “What does he do with me? He sleeps, he goes into my bed and sleeps. If he’s lucky. If he’s not, he has nightmares about something that seems to have happened in the past. I know if I tried something with him, he’d rightfully brush me off, he never wants to be a homewrecker. He doesn’t like you and yet he tends to try and respect the fact that you’re my boyfriend, when you and I had that blow out he took care of me as did Sam, my two _best friends_ because yes they’re my best friends who do things that people with those titles do! He told me that you love me and I love you. I listened to him. He told me over and over again that we love each other and that you’re important to me and then he dragged my sorry ass to bed and made sure I went to fucking sleep. I was so drunk over you if he had wanted to take advantage of me he probably could have, I was so screwed up. You’re calling him a parasite, maybe the both of us are the parasites.”

He pushed Tony back hard enough to cause the male to stumble, tripping over his feet and into the grass. Now the questions roaming on the billionaire’s face were wondering what exactly Steve meant about crossing lines, “Wait, wait Steve. What the hell are you talking about here?”

Tony pulled himself up, one hand resting on his hip impatiently, “What line did you want to cross exactly with Barnes?”

James exchanged looks with Sam, the pair of them not exactly sure they really wanted to hear the answer to that and Sam kept his expression as neutral as he could, no one needed to know what had been admitted to him. 

Steve only let out a short annoyed laugh, a sneer across his face. He and Tony stared at each other for a long moment and slowly the expression slipped away from Steve’s features, raising his hands up to undo the top two buttons on his shirt, yanking it down at one side to reveal the set of fading marks Bucky made near his collarbone.

“He was drunk, he didn’t really know what he was doing and I let him, for a few seconds..I just let him. I was absolutely sober.”

Tony stared at him, mouth open in surprise, blinking slowly at what he was looking at, “What the fuck Steve.”

Brushing his hand out unapologetically, Steve was done talking about it. He knew he had wanted to tell Tony more privately but he was angry about the fight, upset that it even happened when they all could have avoided it and had a normal time. Was it too much to ask, he wondered. He ran his free hand through his hair, turning to walk away, “I can’t do this with you right now Tony. I’m going home. I-I’m sorry, about telling you like that but I just. We’re all fucking up, it’s not just Buck. I know we have things to talk about but I just..I can’t. I can’t.”

For the first time in the evening Tony had worn a defeated look on his face moving in the direction Sam and Steve had headed but Rhodey gently grabbed him back, “You really need him to go home. He’s fine. You’re fine. Let’s get that wrist checked out and get you looked at.” 

Tony looked at his best friend, a bewildered expression taking over his face, “What the hell just happened?”

Rhodey could only shake his head, putting an arm around Tony, “I don’t know Tones. I couldn’t tell you. There’s a lot going on, a lot.”

Tony said nothing, confused and lost eyes looking in the direction of Steve and Sam already down the street walking on foot, being gently led away in the opposite direction towards the emergency vehicle that finally arrived.

 

Natasha watched the speedometer on the dash worriedly, her fingers clutching her seat belt. Bucky ripped through a red light, his jaw clenched, eyes focused ahead. She breathed a sigh that at least it was late enough for it not to be busy. Her green eyes gazed over at Bucky’s hands holding the wheel so hard she could still see through the torn flesh and blood that his knuckles turned white. His hair was damp and matted against his head, blood caked and smeared all over his face and arms. Even though Thor had gotten him a towel from the kitchen to stop his bleeding, the blood was already soaking through and she needed to look it over. One eye barely bothered to stay open. He was pushing three times over the limit and he was intoxicated. God only knew how much head damage he had suffered.

“James..”

He ignored her, the roaring car engine only making her more cautious.

She rested a hand on his arm, gripping him firmly, “James, you need to slow down.”

He didn’t respond though she felt his body tense under her hand.

“James!”

“What?!" His voice cried out angrily, high pitched. 

Bucky slammed his foot down on the brake, both of their bodies lurching forward. Seat belt straps dug hard into Natasha’s body, her hands moved to slap over the dashboard. The tires screeching out in protest, digging lines across the asphalt, the sound ringing in her ears for a moment. 

She warily looked up, Bucky staring dead ahead. His chest heaved, rising and falling while his fingers twitched against the wheel. The engine softly waited for him to continue, his stoic face not saying anything. 

“Do you want me to drive?”

He didn’t answer, he only continued up again on driving although at regular speed limit this time. Natasha let him be as her hands folded into her lap, watching out the windows as they headed further away from all the city and towards the hillside homes. 

 

Steve kept staring at his blood stained hands, he didn’t even know whose blood it was. He just kept wondering and staring, lost completely in his thoughts.

Sam glanced over at him once in a while, his eyes shifting back onto the road, “He’ll come around Steve. You two are pretty close even from the short time I can see that. Don’t worry.”

The car was silent, he hadn’t found a radio station he liked and so he left it off for the moment. Now he wished he could just fathom turning it on just to hear _something_.

“He looked so..can I say betrayed?”

“If that’s how you felt he looked, then yes it’s appropriate.” He never took his eyes off the road, but when Barnes was storming outside, after the fight had broken up Sam was pretty sure he saw it too. Sam was pretty sure he saw a lot that Steve probably didn’t. 

“How are you feeling?”

“Honestly? Like a total asshole. I feel like maybe I did things that maybe I shouldn’t have that made Tony get this obsessive over Bucky and I. I didn’t even know he got this way, maybe he was a little jealous and a little angry, I got that but _this_? I didn’t see this coming.”

Sam agreed with the first part of what he said, “Yeah, you did Steve. You really did do things you shouldn’t have with him.”

Steve raised his head, slightly surprised. He looked at Sam, studying him conspicuously, “Yeah?”

“Look, maybe it’s not my place but -”

“Say whatever you want Sam.”

Steve was pretty sure he knew what was coming, his hands softly running over his thighs nervously. He glanced out the window, sighing to himself.

“When did you start falling in love with him?”

It still stung. He wasn’t ready for it. He thought he was, especially from Sam. He knew Sam wasn’t judging him or hating him. Steve knew he was safe and yet here he was, feeling completely vulnerable and he felt like he had committed something of an atrocity. 

He leaned the side of his forehead against the glass, staring out blankly, “I thought I knew. I don’t anymore.”

“Sounds like a long time.”

Steve chewed on his lip, “Barely knew him in high school, it couldn’t have been then..the love I mean. I did like him then but I didn’t know what I was doing. He’s just always made me feel special or..important like I matter, does that make sense?”

“Perfect.”

He pinched at material of his pants, smoothing it out slowly before clasping his hands together nervously, “And now he hates me because I chose Tony over defending him from the stupid accusations he was only protecting himself from.”

Sam clenched his jaw. He bit back to urge to say it was so much more than that. He only made a small noise in his throat forcing out a small cough, “When he has time to cool down, perhaps you can both talk about that. You two seem to have a lot to talk about these days.”

Steve glanced over at him, knowing exactly what he was talking about. 

“I don’t know about this though Sam. He may just never talk to me because of this.”

“What did Natasha say?”

Steve stared at his legs, “That I need to give him time.”

“Well there you go then. She knows him much better than I do.”

 

Bucky drove the car up to the drive way sharply swerving around the fountain before killing the engine. He stared at nothing only glaring ahead. Natasha bit her lip pensively. His hand slipped off the wheel, falling soundlessly back into his lap. He looked sullen, too quiet. 

She stared at the windows facing them, lights out and quiet. They wouldn’t have been there if he wasn’t sure if anyone was home. She quickly pulled off her seat belt, moving around the car to open his door. She leaned in to undo Bucky's own belt, gently coaxing him out after taking the keys out of the ignition. He followed compliantly, his gaze distant and completely resigned. She let themselves in, glad Charles wasn’t awake to interrogate about the blood and bruises on him. 

In his bathroom, Bucky closed his eyes knowing what was going to happen the moment he heard the snap backs of the first aid kit and saw the needle. He drew in a breath and put his arm out knowing he wouldn't have a choice on the matter and trying not to tremble in anxiousness as Natasha swabbed and cleaned the jagged deep slash from the glass as best as she could. There wasn’t any glass and the bleeding stopped, all that was left was getting everything disinfected and stitch the whole mess up.

Not standing on ceremony he drew in a quick sharp breath feeling the needle penetrate, Natasha humming softly to him, the hand that cradled his arm gingerly soothed his skin with gentle light strokes as she continued to stitch him up. 

He kept his eyes closed even when she was done, he didn't wanna see it, bandage squares going over it before gauze began to unfurl around his arm to protect it.

“You shouldn’t know how to do this you know.” He let out with a shaky breath, trying to regulate his breathing. 

He could feel the soft press of her fingers fastening it with wrap clips, delicate light lips just barely brushing the bridge of his throbbing swollen nose with a kiss, “With you three, oh well.. _four_ when I catch Rollins since he likes to go missing when he’s cut up, I learned quick.”

Bucky tried not to laugh, the first movements of his face going up sent throbs of hot pain across his features, carefully opening his blood gummed eyes to watch her run a wash cloth under the tap, warm trails of steam rising up into the air. 

“Rollins, always gotta play the tough guy.”

“Unless it’s for Rumlow." She let out.

“He’s got such a hard on for _ah_!- ”

His entire body tensed to the pressure at his nose, Natasha hushing him and immediately taking the cloth off his face, “I’m sorry Kotyonok, is it broken?"

He closed his eyes, shaking his head, “No, I checked it in the car. Just banged up a lot, startled me."

Natasha made a small noise in confirmation and continued, Bucky soaking in the feel of heat from the cloth. His mind roamed and raced, drawing out and relishing every nice sensation the cleaning triggered. There was a delicate light sting across his lip that had started to get puffy, at least relief came in the form of losing the grime he felt when caked blood disappeared from his skin. His eyes stayed closed, feeling her breath brush along his forehead. It was soothing, at least for a moment before thoughts returned to Steve. A helpless sigh slipping past his lips. 

_Did I really think I may have had some sort of chance?_

“You always had a chance with him James.”

He opened his eyes in quiet surprise, her lips turned up a little, that look on her face that yes, he had said it out loud by accident. 

It all came out, he felt the heat bubble upwards and out of him, his shoulders shaking and tears spilling out. A strangled sob escaping him out of the rush. She pulled him to her chest and he collapsed pliantly into her.

“Listen to me. You still have a chance and I know you, part of you is thinking it but it’s not your fault for defending yourself, you weren’t even trying to fight him at your full potential Kotyonok. Anyone that knows you could see that you held back just to keep him off you and slow him down. I’ve seen you take out guys bigger than you with a punch to vulnerable spots, you were only protecting yourself. I know you didn’t want to really fight him, if you did you would have done so much more damage. It’s also not Steve’s fault for going to Tony first and I know you know this but that angry part of you is going to keep going back to it and it’s going to keep chewing away at you if you let it.”

“I know..” He rasped out, broken and sad, mouthing over the material of her dress at her shoulder as his arms shakily held her tight. He’s never felt like this with someone he was interested in. He usually got what he wanted and there were no complications. The situations were clear as day. He felt a multitude of emotions attacking him at once, it was intense and at least a part of him felt he didn’t even want this anymore. It was terrifying, he had no idea where it was coming from and only coiled tighter around his heart, wrapping up in his chest to eat away at him. 

He pulled away a little, Natasha’s fingers stroking his hair while he sniffled and kept his head bowed. 

“God I already fucking miss him. Can you believe that shit Tash? I’m starting to think life was better before he came in that night from work. I’m starting to think none of this was worth it.” 

He felt her move her hand, softly rubbing his back, “You’re just upset James.”

A deep sigh escaped him, he felt powerless. Steve was making him feel so fucking useless and weak. He was used to doing what he wanted to do, what he wanted happening. He was the one calling the shots in any sort of hook up and now he felt like he was completely stuck on his knees.

“It hurts inside, really fucking hurts.” 

He closed his eyes, tears brimming there again. Silently they fell down his face, the warm wetness rolling down his cheeks making him feel like more of a goddamn fool. 

“Why do I have to give a shit about someone. Fuck.” 

His arms curled into his chest, his body hot from the alcohol and adrenaline that was burning out. He felt sore and tired but his mind was racing. His heart ached, his entire inner being felt like it was caught in a grip, only tightening the more he thought about it, a vicious circle in itself.

“You need to get some rest Kotyonok.” She gently tilted his head up to caress his cheek, pressing her lips firmly against his forehead so he wouldn’t forget, drawing out the kiss planted there for him to remember it and know. 

He managed to stave himself from the hospital once Natasha had been satisfied his skull wasn’t fractured or gashed up too much after Stark tried to use it as a battering ram. A concussion was still on the table though. His phone chimed, fishing it from his pocket to see who it was. A few from Steve which he ignored, the newest one was from Loki who managed to text him excitedly about an ambulance arriving for Tony after they had left, and that he had a fractured wrist and maybe a broken cheekbone. 

He made a small noise in approval. 

Nat had read it too, giving her head a shake at him, “You don’t really mean that.”

His grey eyes looked at her defiantly for a moment, turning to pull himself up gingerly. He moved to the medicine cabinet, retrieving a bottle of pills setting them on counter and turned to shuffle himself back into the bedroom, “Don’t I? Fucker swung at me first, don’t forget that. He could be dead in a ditch, I wouldn’t care.”

Nat only frowned at him, knowing he didn’t mean that either but no point in addressing it instead she pulled at his shirt gesturing him to remove his clothing.

He followed her order with worn half lidded eyes while she turned to his claw foot tub sitting at the end of the bathroom near the wall right in the center on a small raised platform like it was it’s own stage to fill it with water. She added some soap into the swirl watching it froth and change the bath into a milky consistency, “You have blood in your hair.”

Bucky knew she didn’t have to explain, examining the flare of red marks shaping into angry bruises and darkening memories when he was naked, startling out of it when he heard her call his name when it was finally filled. Natasha had seen him naked enough times for him not to feel shy, saving him a few times from stupid stunts and tending to him after fights like this. 

Rusted red melted off his skin, a hiss of pain rippling through him as he tried to sit down without the cost of too much effort, his back making its aches known more loudly, sore shoulders happy to feel the heat of the water. She followed after him, picking up the small wooden stool set at the corner, sitting herself down on it at the head of the tub.

Softly hushing him, Natasha coaxed him to dunk his head under the water before lathering it up with loving secure fingers. She gave his scalp a look over again just in case she missed anything, humming in the air like she had nowhere she would rather be and Bucky pulled up his knees, hugging them as he felt his tears come back. He didn’t know how he even managed to find friends that loved him as much as he loved them.

He toweled himself off after a quick wash while she collected his soiled clothes, disappearing into the bedroom and laying out one of his more favored soft blue t-shirts, worn but thick and a pair of, lined for extra warmth, grey sweatpants. She intercepted him at the door with his towel around his waist and reached over wanting the pills he grabbed up, “You can’t take these. You have to wake up every few hours. God knows how you actually stayed conscious for this long.” 

Bucky opened his mouth to protest and Natasha only tilted her head as if daring him to. He backed off and nodded, pressing the bottle into her palm and a kiss to her cheek in appreciation. He let her clean up the mess and blood in the bathroom while he went to go change.

The ache in his chest hurt so badly. A stabbing pain that throbbed inside of him, his stomach in tight little painful knots that seemed to tighten more as time passed making him want to vomit. He tried to earlier when he had gotten into the car and then again in the bathroom while he was being cleaned up but there were no signs, no actual need to. He knew the cues and none came, just the disgusting feeling of it sinking inside him. 

There was a knock at the door, Bucky pulling the cover over his head, his tears coming out harder. There were soft whispers and the lock was turned again, footsteps approaching his side.

“Hey Hot Stuff, wanna have a threesome?”

A groan escaped Bucky, rolling over and away from the voice. “Shut up Clint, get in here and spoon me I feel like fucking garbage.” 

The blond made a soft sound of disapproval climbing into bed, “Man I came straight from work, I should be the one spooned. I even smell like fucking coffee, that’s like wearing really good expensive cologne, jerks. Oh gross Barnesy you cried all over this pillow.”

Bucky tried to crack a joke, or even laugh. Instead more tears threatened to burst through and he pressed his face into the covers, Clint’s hand lightly brushing his hair. He felt his frame press close to him, murmuring quietly about how Bucky would be the one to turn him bisexual if it ever came around to it just with his ass alone giving it a squeeze. This time Natasha laughed, it was soft and gentle, most likely the pair of them exchanging love adoring glances before she got the lights, settling herself on Bucky’s other side. She cuddled against his front, the couple effectively boxing him in protectively. Her own fingers stroked his hair, somehow both their touches went in sync giving him a warm soothing feeling, heavy and grounding. 

In a way Bucky was lucky he found people that he bonded with so eerily well with and ultimately could trust with his life. He was glad two were here with him right now while he was feeling lower than low. It was good, the thoughts were good for a mere second before he thought of Steve and a frail soft whimper escaped him and he began to openly sob again. 

Clint’s hands immediately got him rolled over to his other side and arms wrapped around him pulling his frame hard into his chest and Bucky cried freely, open mouthed and wailing as he smothered his face into Clint’s shirt, it hurt so much and he wished he never felt this kind of pain in his entire life.

He closed his eyes to the hands rubbing his back, if he had been in better moods he definitely would have cracked a joke and told them to stop unless they wanted to get naked with him. For now it calmed him though it didn’t release the tension he felt growing tighter within him as time passed. He was so tired, so very tired.

 

Steve was restless, Sam watching him with a slight unease as he tried to casually catch what was on the television to unwind from all the energy while his friend paced across the carpet like the energizer bunny. 

“ _Steve._ ”

Ignoring him, he kept on moving, occasionally fixing a tilted frame, something uneven or pushing books back in by their spines.

“Steve, you need to calm down.”

His friend finally turned around, hands slapping along thighs and nodded so he could move around and sit in the armchair next to him and Sam felt himself calm down a little. It lasted about ten seconds before Steve bounded out of his seat and walked over to the sliding door to open it and look outside at the small fenced in backyard Sam had.

Sam tried his best to stay neutral, turning to watch him, “Steve, you need to rest, you’re working yourself up into some kind of manic episode.”

“I’m not bipolar.” He only retorted over his shoulder, tapping his fingers along the edge of the door.

Smiling at his back sympathetically, Sam nodded to him, “I know you aren’t, it’s why I said some kind. Look, I know you’re worried about Bucky but you really can’t check on him. The only person that responded to your texts was Clint and he’s not even there yet.”

“He will be.” Steve muttered out, erratic and frustrated with not getting any news, rearranging the magazines that had already been neatly piled at the side table.

“Steve- ”

Abruptly turning his head towards Sam, Steve looked at him in panic, “What am I supposed to do Sam!?”

Shaking his head, he pressed a palm against his cheek, “I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I just feel frustrated and angry. I’m worried and no one will talk to me except you and maybe Clint. Tony’s getting his wrist fixed and Rhodey said he doesn’t want to talk to me right now either, makes sense since I don’t even know what to say after the shit I was spewing at him.”

“It’s okay Steve.” Sam pulled himself up, standing in front of him with hands pressed to biceps rubbing them gingerly with a smile, “It’s okay. Everything will be okay.”

Dropping his head, Steve felt them before he realized he was crying, shaking his head faintly, “How did this happen? How did I let this happen Sam? What did I do to fuck up so badly? I messed up, I messed up so bad.”

“Come on, come here.”

Sam pulled him in and hugged him tightly, squeezing him firmly to his chest and letting him cry, “Now you listen to me. You’re only human, yeah you made mistakes and I think maybe you made some wrong choices too but listen, everything that can be fixed can be fixed. The things that can’t that’s okay too because you can learn from them and it won’t be easy but this is what life is. It was never meant to be easy big guy, trust me on that.”

Carefully he guided Steve to sit down on the couch with him continuing to hold him close, “Bucky will talk to again, you know that as well as I do. He’s not done with you yet and you really need to have a sit down with Tony and you both need to talk openly about your relationship. I love you and I’m always going to love you but you have to pull your head out of the sand and figure out what you want. This isn’t cute or playful high school stuff anymore, this is getting real serious. Someone was telling me Tony had a lot of pent up anger, that Bucky was getting his head slammed into glass he could have severed an artery from that slice to his arm, that coffee table was destroyed, there’s holes in walls, Johnny was bleeding trying to break it up. Those are two grown ass men fighting over another grown ass man. You can’t sit in denial that everything is alright and things will settle Steve, you just can’t. Not anymore.”

Sam ran his hands back and forth along Steve’s back, thinking for a moment before he approached the next comment, “If you don’t love Tony, maybe it’s time to let him go..”

Steve drew back, face blotchy, eyes red and puffy. He shook his head adamantly, “I do love him Sam, I love Tony.”

Sam sighed out heavily, taking his friend’s hands, “But you love Bucky, you _love_ him. I don’t have to be where I am to see you’re in love with him Steve. Everyone can see it, that’s probably why Bucky’s date cut him loose the second he met you. They were fine until you two met, you get that right? You’re not as slick as you think you are. Tony figured it out just watching, I don’t know why he’s going about it the way he is but it looks like he wants to fight for you, he knows there’s more to it than you’re letting on though and he’s just sticking his head in the sand right beside you.”

“I know.”

“You know what?”

“That Mike left partially because he figured me out. Bucky told me, sort of.”

Brows went together, “He told you? When?”

“When he was drunk. He told me Mike had found a small little sketch I did of Bucky on a cocktail napkin while I was waiting for him to arrive with Brock and Jack to the party and then I guess he put it together. How I felt and how Bucky didn't really feel them having a future together.”

Sam stared at Steve for a long moment wondering if he was purposefully ignoring another possibility or if he really didn't consider seeing it.

Shaking his head when blue eyes met his again, breathing out carefully, Sam wrung his hands together, “I’m twenty two years old Steve but I feel like I’m too damn old for this.”

“What should I do Sam, what _can_ I do?”

“Talk to Tony, get your needs and expectations out in the open. You don’t have to bring up Bucky if you don’t want to but he’s that elephant, you two got tons of elephants in the room I’m surprised you can both be in the same room. This isn’t going to be a happy ending if you keep going on like this. Bucky knew that already, it’s why he gave the key back.”

Sam stared into his eyes, “What did he say when he attempted to get you to take it back?”

Steve shook his head, rolling his eyes in frustration, “I don’t know. He said it wasn’t right to have it, that he wants to give us distance so Tony felt better, so his parents didn’t panic about things. He said it wouldn’t change _us_ but I think about that one little item every single damn day. Every day.”

“And why Steve, why did you give him a key in the first place?”

He wasn’t sure where Sam was puttering around over the questions, he was sure he told him why smoothing his hands across his thighs and trying not to be bothered by the queries.

“I’m pretty sure I mentioned it, I came out on a run with you and he’s not a morning person. I left a key so he could leave freely. He went to return it and I let him keep it.”

“And who in their right mind gives an acquaintance a key to their apartment? The same apartment that was broken into by the same person who now had free reign of it?”

“Yeah but he’s not like that- ”

“ -Who Steve?”

He pressed a hand against his temple trying to soothe the pulse of a small headache forming there, sighing out begrudgingly, “No one.”

“Yet there you were, giving him your key. Tony doesn’t even have a key.”

“He doesn’t need a key.” Steve countered softly. 

“I’m just saying..you set yourself up to give a piece of yourself to him before he even tried. No one does that unless you had prior feelings.”

Steve tiredly smothered his face in his hands, “I don’t know what I had before. He gave back the key anyway, what’s it matter?”

Sam had his own ideas on why Bucky gave the key and if he was correct, it was because he didn’t think he believed he earned the right to have a key in the first place though he was entirely sure Steve would fight over that idea tooth and nail. He just felt something strongly in him about the representation of the key, his eyes roaming and watching Steve tentatively quite sure his best friend had no idea.

“Nothing.”

He ignored the look Steve gave him, drawing in a low breath.

“Alright, but what about Bucky?” He let on softly, “What is it about him that Tony isn’t?” 

Steve shook his head, “It’s not entirely this one thing that defines Bucky. Bucky is, not that Tony isn’t because we know how good Tony really is, but Bucky has this light. This spark about him, I swear if he was harboring magic I wouldn’t be a bit surprised. He just has something he possesses that’s purely _good_ and I don’t even know how to explain how I feel. It’s like I need to be around him, I _need_ that from him. I need him to smile bright and I want to be the one to do it. I wanna protect him and he’s so damn capable, he is but I wanna do that for him. I wanna- ”

Sam stared hard at him, “ -Be his guy.” 

Drawing in his own breath, Steve dropped his head sideways and pressed it against the back of the couch ashamed in that thought alone. He was so overwhelmed he had no idea what exactly to do first.

  
The phone chimed and Natasha ignored it. She was in a warm haze of partial awareness and sleep back in her own bed when Brock called all their phones until one of them answered it while the clock told them it was barely five in the morning. Parked outside like some overbearing parent the whole situation led to Bucky sleepily taking Rumlow's offer to take him to his place so that later on herself and Clint could go to work without worry.

They took themselves back home, releasing some tension before getting a couple hours of rest. She was almost slipping back into a doze when the phone chimed once again and swore to herself that if it was Brock again she was going to cut his balls off. Groaning out softly to herself in frustration, strong arms that belonged to a very wonderfully naked Clint tightened around her bare waist picking up on the light vibration of noise from her voice, snuffling his face further into her hair, warm breath dancing against the back of her neck. 

He made a soft absent noise, shifting his hips in as she stretched forward, barely managing to grab the phone, regretting to turn it off the night before. Two missed texts from Steve caused her to regret not turning it off a little bit more glancing over her shoulder when a hand softly massaged her breast and blue eyes peeked back at her with another subtle movement of his body.

_**Steve:**_ Coffee by your place?  
_**Natasha:**_ Rogers, it’s too early even for me.  
_**Steve:**_ Please? Wanna talk.  
_**Natasha:**_ About to have sex.  
_**Steve:**_ Are you and Bucky twins? I can wait half an hour? Tell Clint I said hi.  
_**Natasha:**_ You’re annoying. See you in half an hour.  
_**Natasha:**_ Nevermind half, he said forty five minutes.  
_**Steve:**_ ...

Steve sat across the table from Natasha, his fingers idly tapping along the handle of the pearl colored coffee cup before him watching her in silence. Shoulders sat lax as she studied him carefully and he only shifted his feet a little letting her soak him in sure she was picking up every disheveled bit of him which she was. There was no reason to even be informed he had barely slept, his eyes and finger brushed hair already implied that. His peacoat sat draped behind his chair wearing a thick warm black half buttoned up cardigan with a white t-shirt underneath. The smear of paint stains told her he was working at least which was good though at the cost of sleep she wasn’t sure. It was the black framed glasses that threw her off, eventually noticing her picking up on them before he pulled them off and slipped them into one of his pockets.

“They’re for reading or when my eyes are tired. I barely wear them.”

She nodded, not saying much of anything, warming her hands gently against her cup. 

“Just for five minutes Nat.”

She stirred more milk into her coffee, taking a long thoughtful sip before setting it back down delicately on an accompanying saucer, her index finger grazing along the side, “He doesn’t want to see you.”

He rested an elbow against the table, swiping a hand through his hair absently in frustration as he stared at the tabletop, desperation seeping out of every pore but trying his best not to be overly pushy, “I just want to see him. I _need_ to see if he’s okay.”

“He’s fine Steve. He did have a nightmare but it was minor, Clint and I got him back to sleeping not long after.”

“Nat.” 

She ignored his plea, “And Tony?”

He glanced up, “Partially torn ligaments in his wrist, he’s in a splint. He has a zygoma fracture and minor tears and bruises, a black eye..”

“That wasn’t what I was ask- ”

Steve sat up straighter, a tug at the collar of his black cardigan cutting her off revealing again the soft bruising of where Bucky left his mark, “He told me in not so many words to fuck off for the time being.”

Natasha didn’t seem surprised about Tony’s reaction but she tilted her head slightly, “It still doesn’t change anything but it may be wiser for you to keep a vigil for Tony rather than for James.”

Two dessert plates were placed down before them, a blueberry muffin on each Natasha flashing a soft smile and uttering a light thank you. Steve only stared at his, picking at the fruit and letting bits crumble around the wrapper.

“It doesn’t really matter who I keep a vigil for, they both refuse to speak to me.”

The silence between them was filled with the soft chatter within the cozy little coffee shop, the occasional sounds of typing keys and coffee machinery filling moments, Steve wallowed in his self pity and sadness, Natasha taking small bites of her muffin thoughtfully. Eventually one hand drew out and rested against the back of his, painted nails a blood red grazing his skin as she held it softly, “He misses you.”

Their eyes met and she found he had a genuine surprise laced across his face, a splash of hope, eyes so blue and helpless the corner of his mouth twitching to smile but he didn’t want to get too eager glancing away again.

“I miss him.”

She gave his hand a squeeze, resting her cheek against her other hand propped up by her elbow staring at him, “What are we going to do with you Steve?”

He turned his hand over, engulfing his around hers, “ _Please_.”

Green eyes finally looked away, staring past Steve’s shoulder to soft lines of sunlight brushing along frost bitten grass, “Even if I wanted to, he’s at Brock’s. There is no way he will let you see James. He _will_ physically assault you.”

Refusing to give up so easily, Steve shook his head staring down at the table in thought, “Isn’t there anyway you could talk him into either leaving or maybe just talk him into letting me in?”

He listened to her sigh softly and the sound made his stomach fall.

“It’s not that easy. Brock has always been that way about James, Clint said the day they met he saw the way his mother pushed him around, we never asked but it’s not very hard to see where it started. It only got worse later,”

“Couldn’t you..tell Bucky to meet up with us? It’s just five minutes Natasha.”

She lightly brushed a thumb along his skin trying to soothe him, “Even if he wanted to, I wouldn’t ask him. He’s in no condition to be going out in this cold, he’s safer around someone he trusts while he’s feeling how he is and recovering because it’s what he wants. He wants safety and comfort. No, if you had to see him today it would have to be at Brock’s and I really don’t think that’s a good idea.” 

“Anything,” He stared at her pleadingly, “Nat, I’ll do anything.”

Natasha could say easily that a lot of things did not make her weak and sway her decisions. Steve staring at her and begging for one wasn’t something that would convince her to change her mind. However, James’ overall unhappiness consuming him, _that_ was something that she had a hard time letting just happen and take its course, if she was in possession of a way to give him at least a little bit of sunshine, she was always ready to give it up for him. 

She already knew she was going to regret this.

 

Bucky gripped the neck of his beer bottle, his other arm raised up in the air, fingers swirling around as he listened to the music. He stood with his hip cocked to one side, weight shifting dressed only in black skinny jeans resting so low at his hips they threatened to fall at any moment Bucky decided to suck in a deeper breath. 

Brock glanced up sitting next to Jack, the pair of them slouched side by side watching Bucky sway uneasily to the music his eyes closed mouthing lyrics to himself with his hair falling over his face. 

“I got a song for you Buck!”

Lifting the remote control, Rumlow passed through a couple of songs before he selected _Self Esteem_. Smirking up at his friend when he opened his eyes, widening at the recognition and most likely the significance.

Loki rolled his eyes, shifting back into his seat with his laptop, “How many times are you three idiots going to listen to this song?”

Brock roared out a laugh, slapping Rollins on the shoulder, watching Loki’s face curl into annoyance, “This song is a classic Laufeyson! We don’t all listen to your Icelandic disco shit!”

Loki only scowled at his screen, typing away, “I don’t listen to Icelandic disco shit thank you very much.”

“Rummy..come sing with me!”

Loki’s eyes widened at Bucky, “Oh good lord Darling don’t make him sing! He’s dreadful!”

Smiling crookedly at the raven haired male, Bucky glanced back at Rumlow with a look of determination, pointing at him then beckoned him to get up. He approached the large coffee table standing between him and Rumlow nodding his head.

They all paused when the front door opened, light footsteps coming up the stairs and entering the living room, Natasha nodding to everyone as they greeted her making a beeline for Bucky. She looked him over, tugging up his jeans and planting a kiss on his cheek, “How’re you doing Kotyonok?”

He threw his arm around her, smiling wide, “I’m okay Nat.”

She crinkled her nose to the smell of booze, fingers brushing along his slightly greasy hair, “Did you take a shower?”

Natasha’s eyes trailed over the coffee table, frowning at Brock when she saw the cocaine sitting out freely and he picked it up immediately, tossing it into a drawer to the side not that they believed it really posed a problem.

“Not yet mom.”

Looking him over one more time, Natasha checked his eyes just to make sure, “Did you take anything?”

He shook his head, “Just been drinkin’.”

“He hasn’t napped or anything, his head’s been fine. He’s just been singing and wandering around. I made sure he hasn’t been going hard on the alcohol.” Jack reported.

Natasha flashed him a grateful smile, squeezing Bucky’s shoulder. The sound of a motorcycle immediately shifted the mood throughout the whole room and Bucky blinked in recognition, his head turning to look at her, “Nat?”

“Do you want him to come inside?” She whispered softly.

Bucky tensed up, shaking his head.

“Do you want him to go?”

He dropped his gaze, shaking his head again.

“What’re you two whisperin’ about?”

Swallowing heavily, Natasha stared at Brock, “Before you start saying one word when I get back inside, you think about it before you do Levka.”

Loki walked towards the window while Jack and Brock watched Natasha disappear down the stairs again and go outside, instinct pushed Brock to get up off the couch and approach Bucky. The pair of them watched her shuffle Steve into the house, the blond looking obviously perplexed and anxious about entering as his head appeared behind her at the stairs.

Brock immediately moved up in front of Bucky, pressing a hand to nudge Bucky farther from Steve, gesturing towards the front door. He slung his arm around Natasha as she approached him again, his free hand idly scratching at his stubble, “He ain’t welcome in my home, _ever_.”

She maneuvered around him to get his arm off her and gestured to Steve, “Brock, he just wants a few minutes if it’s okay with James. Five, tops."

At that point, Bucky himself had muddled off down the hallway. He had been drunk but not that drunk. He wanted to see Steve, but he didn’t want to see Steve. He was so confused but he kept telling himself he didn’t want to, not now, not possibly ever. He was quite unsure about ever but he just wanted to be left alone.

Brock’s red rimmed eyes narrowed, looking closer towards the blond then looked at Nat again, “I don’t want in my fuckin’ house."

Steve surged between them, not sure of what kind of reaction the brunette was going to have, “Rumlow please. Just a few minutes, I just want to make sure he’s alright."

Rumlow’s dark eyes shifted from Natasha to Steve peering at him. He was slightly shorter than him but he wasn’t less intimidating. Muscles barely restrained in a tight black tee and black cargos. Despite being seemingly high as a kite or drunk, he seemed like he was still in the game. The way he studied Steve for the moment was telling him that, his shoulders squaring up. 

“First rule you fuckin’ don’t talk to me. Get yourself outta of my face or I’ll break you.”

“Brock..” Natasha started, her hand deftly resting against Steve’s gesturing him to drop it. Steve had tensed, eyes flickering to her for a mere second before locking back into Brock’s, “I brought him here to talk to James, not cause any trouble with you.”

The brunette turned, strolling back to the coffee table to get his beer. He took a long drink, his eyes not leaving Steve’s. They were cold and calculating, studying Steve, sizing him up like he was zoning in on weak spots and ways to take him out quickly. 

Rollins looked up from his spot on the couch, a deep frown on his face looking from Steve to her, “Natasha maybe this isn’t a good time?"

Natasha only pursed her lips, folding her arms over her chest.

Steve wondered if he had to prepare for a fight, his fists clenching. 

Rumlow caught it quickly, letting out a low laugh, “This is my house and he can get the fuck out. It’s a perfectly simple fuckin’ concept. He ain’t goin’ anywhere near Buck. Do you fucking hear me Rogers?”

“Brock..”

“Natalia. I don’t want him here. I’ll throw him out myself if I have to. I’d be glad to.”

Steve clenched his jaw, “Nat, if he wants to be a dick about it, it’s fine. I can try and talk to Bucky another time. Thank you for at least trying for me."

Rumlow’s eyes bore into Steve, sneering as he approached him predatorily, “Another time? There ain’t gonna be no fuckin’ ‘other time. Not if I can help it, you’ll never lay your eyes on Bucky again. He doesn’t want to see you, you fucked that up by yourself and I’m goin’ to be here to remind him why you ain’t worth his time anymore or ever were. You ain’t better than any of those other pieces of shit that try to be with him and _use_ him because that’s all ya fuckin’ did, you _used_ him Rogers. Now he’s seein’ it and you ain’t nothin’ to him.”

Steve’s face twitched slightly, trying his best to keep his composure, the tact was somewhat effective though knowing enough about Brock to know how much this man kept his promises. 

Rumlow eyed him carefully picking up on it, “You wanna fight Rogers? You look like you may be an asshole that could throw some good punches. I need a work out at any rate.”

Natasha rested her hand on Rumlow’s shoulder, “Brock stop it, you’re drunk.”

He shrugged her off, cracking his neck from side to side. Steve furrowed his brows, rolling his shoulders, sizing Rumlow up, “It’s fine Nat, I deal with assholes like this at the bar all the time. It’s not a problem.”

Brock grinned, toothy and wide, “See? He’s a team player! This is going to be tragic for you Big Guy.”

“Rummy, stop.” 

Rumlow looked past Steve, Bucky leaning against the hallway archway, his head softly resting to the side along the wall. “I don’t want you to get in a fight. Let him come, he’s going to be leaving soon. I’ll call for you..okay?"

Steve turned to the sound of Bucky’s soft tired voice and for the first time Steve saw the welts and the bruising, he looked drained and worn out. He couldn’t get a definite idea as Bucky turned back around, shuffling into a bedroom.

Growling out in annoyance Brock watched him leave, “It’s still my house Kid! He better be out quick.”

Steve didn’t wait for Brock’s blessing, he only gave Natasha a grateful look before making his way through the living room, into the dark heavy drape covered bedroom. 

Bucky sat in the center of the bed, room kept in darkness his back resting against the wall blankly staring at some black and white movie playing. Steve quickly closed the door behind him, only watching Bucky barely registering, “What do you want Steve?”

“I- I needed to see you Bucky. Natasha says you haven’t been feeling good, I convinced her to see you and we just showed up. Wanted to see how you were holding up."

He snorted softly, “I’m fine, don’t you worry your pretty little head about it."

Steve turned on the lamp, hesitating for a moment before he turned around, sitting down at the edge of the bed.

“Look I wanted to say I’m sorry- ”

“Stop apologizing. Leave if that’s all you’re here for.” His voice was dry, emotionless but he saw his thumb and index picking at the bed cover which was one of the ways Bucky expressed anxiety. He’ll work with whatever and try to soothe him out of it because all he wanted was for Bucky to smile again.

Steve turned around, wanting to look at him. He had numerous faded bruises around his chest and torso. A large purple blotch blooming over one shoulder. It was mainly his face that took the brunt of the damage, his split lip, face littered with puffy bruises, one of his eyes half open sporting a dark ring around it. His hands rested in his lap, both bruised and purple. His left forearm was wrapped up in a bandage.

“How are you holding up?”

Bucky shook his head, letting his eyes close.

“Bucky please talk to me. I can’t just stop being your friend. I’m worried about you and as angry as you are at me, you’re still my best friend. No one’s gonna change my opinion on that.”

Silence.

“Bucky."

Steve formed a thin line with his lips. He turned his body to pull himself entirely on to bed and seat himself beside him. He made sure not to touch, eyes watching him carefully. Bucky only stared down at his hands, looking at the dark purple marks, his bare chest softly rising and falling, “I hate you Steve."

“Do you Buck?"

He slowly nodded, avoiding any route to look at him. 

“I haven’t spoken to Tony since last night.”

Bucky only scoffed, silently asking if that was supposed to make him feel any better.

“I’m only telling you that because I want you to know I was angry with him too. I didn’t take his side and blindly not question it. I know with all the trouble you both have with each other, you have your limits. He said things about you and I got angry Buck, I got so angry at him I showed the marks and told him how I was sober and I could have stopped you but I’m just as bad as the picture he was painting of you. I was planning to tell him just not then but I just lost myself. I just wanted to shut him up and lay it all out that it wasn’t only you he should be upset at. It should be me too. It should have never gotten this far.”

Steve reached his fingers out, delaying any contact for Bucky to pull away. A slight movement of Bucky’s head was the only indication he was still in the present, Steve’s fingers lightly grazing the bandaging wrapped around his forearm, “How’s this doing?”

Unbearable silence, the tension heavily pressing against Steve’s shoulders. If Bucky wasn’t going to talk to him he couldn’t force him to but he was so desperate to have him know what happened after he left. To know Steve did fight for him too.

“Fine.”

His voice was so small and quiet. It had barely come out above a whisper.

Steve’s fingers slid along the wraps, Bucky’s arm shifting to move his palm face up allowing the blond to slip his fingers against his, curling their fingers together.

Bucky wondered why he was so fucking weak. Anger had been surging through him for half a day, he had numerous scenarios in which he told Steve off. Said anything and everything that he and Tony could have each other forever and he was tired of taking shit from Stark. Told him they were done being friends because it was too hard for him to stand there and take it. He knew it would hurt and ache but he had to protect himself. He had gone as far as plan to leave the country, detox from Steve the best way he knew how, _to run away_. But now that Steve was here, the blond managed to get him to speak and all Bucky could remember was how much he missed Steve’s touch, missed him here beside him and how it felt nice to just experience his company. Crying in bed beside Natasha and Clint felt like nothing. He _hurt_ inside and he wasn’t stupid, he knew it was Steve that could make it better. His feelings betraying him every step of the way. 

“I was planning to leave for Italy.”

He saw Steve immediately tighten his fingers with Bucky’s, the pain from his bruises and muscles jolting him slightly out of his minuscule fog of alcohol, Steve’s head completely turning to look at him, eyes boring into the side of his head, “What?”

Bucky only softly nodded, “Just wanted to get out of here. Brock has family there, his Nonna treats me like my Bunica used to, was thinking about spending some time with her. I talked to her today, she told me to come visit whenever I wanted to.”

That cold feeling came back, slipping up Steve’s spine knowing at this moment in time, whatever he thought he knew of Bucky, Johnny knew just a little bit more, that small monster of jealousy crept around his heart and curled itself there and he let it stay. 

“Buck..”

Bucky felt himself get pulled into Steve’s chest, Steve’s free arm wrapping around him tightly, “Please don’t ever do that to me. You know I hate when you run off and I know, I know you don’t owe me anything. I know that’s how you deal with things you can’t physically come into contact with but you can’t do that to me Buck. Please don’t ever do that to me. I swear, I would have done something stupid to get you back, I swear to God.”

Tears fell silently from Bucky’s eyes, he felt like complete garbage. His heart setting off a twinge in his chest, the stress pressing into him. Steve sitting there, telling him these things and the pain in his voice. He felt Steve’s hand slip from his to curl up into his hair, stroking it softly. Bucky huffed out a soft breath, feeling himself give in, his head resting against the blond’s shoulder. 

“Fucking hell, you would have left and I wouldn’t have known til it was too late. Natasha wouldn’t have told me til you were gone and shit..why would you do that. I swear to god I wish I knew what went on in your head sometimes.”

“I don’t know.” He managed to blubber out in a higher pitch through his tears, feeling Steve freeze against him. He was gingerly pulled off him, their eyes meeting. He hadn’t realized Steve had his own tears rolling down his cheeks as his friend hadn’t realized Bucky had either. 

They pressed forehead to forehead, Steve carefully holding Bucky’s face, “You don’t need to run away Bucky. You promised me.”

Bucky only nodded, “I didn’t though.”

“And if you did I would have lost my shit. You understand that? You’re important to me, I know you don’t see it or try not to. I fucking see that so clearly but I do. You’re the littlest shit in the world, the worse person I should ever feel like that around. You could do whatever you wanted to upset me and it would work, it would fucking work so easily. You drive me insane sometimes you know that?”

Bucky nodded, pausing for a moment to close his eyes and draw in a slow intake of breath, “I know.”

“You’re a fucking asshole.”

Bucky didn’t know what to say, only nodding slightly against his forehead again. He was numb inside, it hadn’t even been that long but he was starved for Steve. The way it made him feel so much better, loving that he could get the contact without revealing the complete reason behind it. Most likely Steve would have stopped if he knew and Bucky was much too selfish to let that happen.

“Have you seen a doctor?”

Sniffling, Bucky nodded, “This the morning.”

“Buck..” The whisper barely left his lips, pulling away so he could tenderly wipe those tears staining Bucky’s face, taking care in not hitting any of the bumps or bruises riddled across his face and neck, a hand cupping at his jaw as delicately as he could, thumb catching at the split of his lip. His fingers were light as they traced healing cuts and scratches across his bare turned in shoulders. Bruises danced along the surface of skin that was much too beautiful to ruin, Bucky softly exhaling and slowly letting his chin duck to one side at his shoulder when the pad of Steve’s thumb traced along a thin cut from glass, a rose colored line healing away. It ran long from the top of Bucky’s shoulder to the front of his chest.

Bucky didn’t watch anymore, instead closing his eyes to the feel of Steve’s palm roaming down his chest, his skin prickling nervously and it only stopped when he knew Steve’s eyes touched at his ribs and around his belly, hands carefully roamed along his sides and his breath hitched at the ticklish feeling that jumped through him like a pulse that awoke.

“I’m sorry.” Steve murmured quietly.

Turning his head as he opened his eyes, he caught Steve staring at him and all he could do was blink and stare back.

“I’m sorry.”

Bucky understood what that was for while the back of Steve’s knuckles brushed along fingers imprinted into his skin, much like Tony had matching ones and he didn’t want to say anything anymore, dropping his gaze to his hands covered in nicks and scrapes.

Steve shifted and sat against the bed frame putting his arm out but not forcing Bucky into anything. Bucky only took anything Steve offered, curling into his side, Steve’s arm draping around his neck and falling against Bucky’s arm. Bucky tucked his head in pressing his forehead against the blond's cheek resting his own arms in his lap. Steve brought his other arm around and across Bucky’s front, locking him in as he soothingly rubbed Bucky's arm that was the furthest away encasing him in and Bucky let his eyes close taking in the feel of a large palm stroking his skin reassuringly. It brought everything back safe to him, brushing his nose along sharp jaw just before he tucked his face against Steve's neck, long legs moving closer to drape over one of his and Bucky couldn't help feeling like he was home again.

“I’m sorry Bucky, I’m so sorry it got this far..”

Drawing back just enough to hush Steve softly before hiding his face away again, Bucky relished in the perfect peace between them while cuddling into his warmth.

The ache from the pressure of Steve pressing down against bruises on his body felt like nothing. He ignored them to keep Steve there, listening to him mumble his name like it was all holy and Bucky desperately clung to him inhaling his familiar scent knowing it was what made him happy.

Brock paced back and forth. He hadn’t stopped doing it the whole time Steve and Bucky were alone. He exhaled the cigarette smoke in a hard huff, shaking his head while Natasha watched him from the couch beside Loki, Jack tracking him as his head was bowed into a book but eyes sat set on him, shoulders tensed like he was waiting to spring if he needed to.

“This ain’t right Natasha. I outta get ‘im out of this damn house right now. What’s _wrong_ with you?!”

She sighed, resting her hands on her thighs, green eyes looking at him sternly. “Nothing is wrong with me. James needs him and I won’t stand in the way if I know that.”

Brock spat out an angry growl, glaring at her, “That’s just fuckin’ complete bullshit. He doesn’t need him, he needs us! We’re his family, not this motherfucker tryin' to get in his pants while he’s got a fuckin’ boyfriend hellbent on eggin’ Buck on to fight ‘im.”

She rose up, approaching him as he continued to pace. He eyed her suspiciously, upset and agitated. She only put her hands out, palms open as she revealed herself as no kind of threat trying to calm him a little. “You know it’s not like that. You’ve seen the way he feels about Steve.”

Brock quickly shook his head, “No. He needs _us_ , he doesn’t need a guy already in a relationship with someone that he hasn’t even broken up with. Is that what you want him to be all his life? The one on the side?”

Natasha pressed her lips together, buttons pushed that he would throw that at her, “You know I don’t. You know I care about him as much as you so don’t talk to me like I don’t know what he wants.”

Rumlow finally stopped, palming a hand through his black hair. “This is fuckin’ ridiculous. Why am I even standin’ here? I should just kick him out. He’s had enough time fuckin’ with Bucky’s head, I’ve taken out bigger guys than ‘im.”

Natasha quickly grabbed his arm, their eyes locking for a second. Brock clenched his jaw as Natasha looked at him with a soft pleading look disarming herself from her usual stoic mask. “Levka, it’s not that simple. For James..”

“The fuck you goin’ on about?”

Fingers pressed tighter around his arm, “Brock. Don’t you see it? He loves Steve.”

Rumlow stared at her in surprise abruptly taken off course and frozen in his tracks peering into her eyes and she was only holding out the truth, clear as day shaking his head emphatically, “No. Hell no. _No_!” He turned to the hallway in disbelief, turning back to Natasha face inches from hers. “He _told_ you that?!”

She shook her head, “He doesn’t know, he’s probably confused, but I can see it. He hasn’t looked at anyone like he looks at Steve not even from before.” 

Brock stared at her long and hard before her plan backfired and he was thrown into a rush of anger, “You were _there_ Natasha, you _remember_. I know you fuckin’ do. You remember what happened the last time he thought he was in love with someone! How can you even _say_ something like that if he doesn’t even fuckin’ know. No, this is.. ** _no_** \- ”

Swiftly stormed through the hall towards the guest bedroom.

“ _Shit_. Natasha!" Jack tore off the couch, running down the hallway after Brock. Loki stood up to his feet a look of actual concern shadowing his usually bemused face.

Rumlow threw open the bedroom door, finding Steve and Bucky in each others arms and he felt too many things at once, angry and pissed off at himself to letting a snake like Rogers to convince Bucky so easily.

“I knew this was a fuckin’ mistake!” He spat out grabbing a hold of Steve’s arm, wrenching him from the bed with amazing strength, throwing him against the wall by the doorway. 

Rollins came in just to see Steve bang his head hard against the surface, caught off guard by Rumlow, his hand rushing up to touch the area. Steve wasn’t ready for the punch to the face, the back of his head deftly bouncing into the wall breaking into the plaster, Jack grabbed Brock’s arm before he could throw another punch tackling him to the floor, “Stop Brock! Stop it!”

Everything was a blurry haze for Bucky, Steve torn away, his face shifting to sudden surprise then the sound of his body colliding with the wall and Brock shouting.

“Brock!” 

Bucky looked over to Jack pushing him down on the carpet and he sprang off the bed, pressing his palms against Steve’s chest to steady him, blood dripping down his face. 

“Ow, I think he fucking broke my nose, fuck!”

“I’ll fuckin’ break more than that, get the fuck out and don’t you ever fuckin’ come back here!” Brock growled, struggling with Rollins to get back up. 

Bucky panicked, knowing Jack couldn’t hold Brock back forever. Natasha quickly pulled a towel off the hand rack in the bathroom, pressing it against Steve’s face, “Steve, you need to leave. _Now_.”

Jack and Brock fought, struggling in each other’s arms and Brock managed to finally get out, shoving Rollins away with a rough push. Bucky made a sound of angry protest, colliding into Brock’s side to keep him away from the door. Pain jolted through him but he ignored it, trying to keep Brock at bay from Steve who was being pushed out and towards the stairs in a mad rush.

“Stop Brock! Please!”

“Bucky!” Rumlow snarled out, his hand wrapping tight and firm around one bicep, tearing him off. He easily shoved Bucky off and onto the bed, pointing at him to stay there, “He’s gotta a boyfriend who he ain’t ever gonna leave for you! I ain’t sittin’ around for you to get hurt again. Do you fuckin’ understand that?!”

Brock stepped threateningly towards him, making sure he understood not to get up again and Bucky only cowered, assuming the worse.

Rumlow’s demeanor completely crumbled with that one simple gesture, looking back towards the door, Jack standing on his feet eyeing his best friend then looking down the hallway. Instead of going after Steve, Brock climbed onto the mattress beside Bucky, one hesitating hand hovering over Bucky’s bowed head, then lightly resting it there feeling him flinch for a second. 

“Baby, c’mon. You know I would never lay a finger on you.”

Bucky looked up, shaky but he nodded, turning his head to the sound of Steve’s motorcycle starting and him leaving, shoulders slumping down with his head.

“Buck..Baby..listen to me.” 

Brock breathed out, panting softly, a hand delicately resting under the cleft of Bucky’s chin to tilt his head up so they could look at each other. “He ain’t nothin’. I know he makes you feel good, he makes you feel special yeah?”

Bucky stared at him, blinking slowly as his gaze glanced out towards the window again in sadness.

“But I can’t stand and see you hurt for nothin’ and look, aw shit look at this Kiddo..” 

Rumlow examined Bucky’s bandages, blood seeping through it. “Are your stitches are out? Shit. Did I do that Buck?”

Bucky quickly shook his head, “I did it, I don’t know if I tore them, I didn’t notice when it happened.”

“Kiddo, you’re one of the most important people in my life. I love ya more than I’ve loved a lot of people. I always got you whether you want me or ya don’t. All of us, we got each others backs..”

Rollins sat on the edge of the bed, rubbing his shoulder in silence for a moment before he got up and walked out of the room, coming back with the first aid kit and sitting back down, taking Bucky’s arm to open up the bandaging to check it out.

Bucky silently watched him before turning to really look at Brock’s face, reaching a hand up to touch his rough worn features, eyes red rimmed and a glistened shine to them. It only broke Bucky to see any threat of Brock like this, his eyes welling up and felt tears fall along red hued cheeks, “Rummy..”

“I don’t wanna lose you Kid,” One rough calloused hand cupped Bucky’s cheek, thumb dragging slow across his cheekbone. “You mean the world to me..to all of us. There’s too much good in you, can’t lose you to something bad.”

Bucky gazed at him, “But Rummy, I’m not made of glass and Steve isn’t bad.”

Jack swabbed and cleaned up Bucky’s arm, not looking up, “He’s an idiot though for coming into Brock’s house like he did.”

The door creaked and they all looked up, Loki leaning against the frame with a raised brow, “I agree, as beautiful as that fine specimen of a man is, he has a brick in his skull for showing up here.”

They were all quiet when Natasha came around from downstairs and her eyes first caught Bucky’s giving her a small smile and it was enough for her to take whatever Brock was going to dish out but he was quiet, his face saying he was a little upset at her but not in the mood to yell and she could live with him not talking to her for a bit as long as Bucky wasn’t angry at her bringing Steve in.

Jack finished on the bandage, lightly patting Bucky’s hand, “They’re fine now, take it easy and get some rest. Please no one act like a fucking Mexican soap opera anymore today.”

His eyes turned towards Brock and his friend only glared back at him.

  
Sam opened the door when he heard Steve pulling up only to have his smile fade when he saw the caked blood smeared across his face watching him storm past to go into the bathroom, the water at the sink going off.

He sighed, following behind after looking outside to make sure he wasn't being chased by someone wanting to do more damage, “Steve? What the heck happened?”

Folding his arms over his chest, he watched the blond dabbing at his nose and cleaning off the remnants of blood, “Brock happened.”

Sam closed his eyes asking God to temporarily take him somewhere else because this man before him _did not_ just ignore all common sense to leave Bucky alone especially when Brock Rumlow was in a very protective mode that could be comparable to a feral animal. 

“You didn’t..”

Dropping the towel into the hamper, Steve shrugged, “I _had_ to see him! Natasha took me to Brock’s and it was fine, I got to see him even if Brock didn’t want me to and then he just flipped out.”

Sam couldn’t even believe this, dropping his arms and shaking his head with his hands out to his sides, “Are you crazy? You didn’t think it was a bad idea to be going to the guy’s home to see Bucky? Have you lost your goddamn mind?! You’re _lucky_ I don’t have to file a missing persons report on you.”

Steve groaned in frustration, leaving the bathroom to go into the kitchen and grab an ice pack, “I had no intention to get into a fight with him, I was desperate. She said where he was and I kept insisting. I think she figured deep down he did want to see me and she wanted us to talk. She talked to Brock, it was okay until he just burst in and went ballistic.”

Leaning against the opposite counter, Sam just studied him for a moment, “Let me guess, either Bucky was in your arms, or you were in his arms, or you two were hugging or doing that cuddling thing you two tend to think no ones noticing that looks not at all like just a friend thing by the way, and he attacked you right? Because that sounds like what happened. Did I not tell you this man is comparable to an alpha wolf type, he _owns a gun_ Steve and you waltz into his home and try to coax Bucky back to you when he was just in a fight with Tony. Do I need to tie you to a chair or something you stupid stubborn..” 

Steve only stared at him and Sam rolled his eyes, making a push away hand gesture towards him, “Please cease making any contact with Bucky tonight, please. I don’t want him and Jack..which I want to add my two cents about him to you, he’s nice to you right now. He won’t be so nice if you keep all this drama up and _then_ you’ll have the both of them to deal with and I’m sorry I don’t want to be caught in a dark alley with that guy especially since _hello_ he’s ex-military. It’s always the quiet ones. Always.”

He shooed Steve out of the kitchen and gestured towards the couch, watching him sit with head dropping forward, the pack pressed to his face and everything suddenly deflated out of Sam. A hand came up and rested against his friend’s broad shoulder, “Are you hungry? I made some lasagna, it should be ready in a few minutes.”

Steve blinked losing his head in thought eventually nodding to him, “Yeah, please Sam..and thank you.”

He squeezed his shoulder and walked back into the kitchen thinking about how he wasn’t supposed to deal with this high school crap anymore, “Food doesn’t mean I’ve given up calling you an idiot though.”

He watched Steve’s head nod, reaching for the throw blanket draped across the other arm of the couch.

 

Steve didn’t even know he was screaming his ma’s name when two strong hands were shaking and shouting him awake. He blinked a few times in the darkness, trying to find his vision again and slowly Sam’s face in his space caused a hand to press on his friend’s shoulder.

“Sam..?” His throat felt sore and raw.

The relief swept over Sam’s face, grip loosening with a slow calm sigh, gently patting his sweaty cheek, “Good, you’re alright. I’ve been trying to wake you for the past few minutes, you were screaming and yelling for ma.”

Steve rubbed his hands tiredly across his face, groaning into them and shaking his head, memories of it all seeping back into him.

Sam’s hand found his back, rubbing him with smooth strong strokes to ground him and keep him calm, his own hand not leaving Sam’s shoulder just yet, “It was just a dream.”

Staring off out the window of the guest room Steve sighed lightly, “It just felt so real like it always does. That day we got the call, it keeps replaying over and over again. I keep wishing I said more to her, she was so tired and weak. It just keeps haunting me..”

Nodding, Sam still remembered everything like it was yesterday.

 

It was raining when Sam got the call.

Everything was suddenly turned on it’s head and became surreal only mere seconds after he contemplated smoked turkey with cheddar sandwiches or if they wanted roast beef. He stared out the window, the heels of his hands pressed against the edge of the sink while he was trying to see if the rain would let up when his phone went off, a small smile playing on his face until he saw who was.

“Hello Mrs. Thompson, how are you today?”

That way too familiar ball of worry came back and gnawed at him, his head turning towards the den. He could still hear Steve faintly humming away over the music playing and he prayed for anything that this was just a social call.

It wasn’t.

Sam came out from the kitchen, his hand pressing his phone into the front pocket of his pressed khaki’s rounding about the wall that jutted out before the living room where Steve was painting away. A clutter of tubes and small canisters around him on a thick bed of white sheet under his feet. He was staring at the canvas for a second with a careful smile as he painted perched on a stool, shoulders hunched forward and Sam knew he wasn’t noticed yet.

A part of him wanted to back out but he knew he had to, clearing his throat lightly and giving the wall an awkward little knock. Steve glanced over with a grin on his face, relaxed and just in the best of moods and it made Sam feel like the worse person in the world.

“Why are you knocking on the wall? Oh! Can you make me one roast beef, one turkey or did you make them all turkey already?”

Sam internally sighed, hand lost against the phone and he wished that was all Steve had to worry about. He tried his best to smile at his best friend, his brother from another mother, a mother that he could have easily said was as close to a second mother as was allowed.

He could feel his mouth trying but that his smile was strained at best, he couldn’t really do it, the idea of being strong flashed in his mind but he was scared, worried instead and he saw Steve’s brows move a little going up like he was beginning to get confused.

“No, I didn’t start the sandwiches yet Steve.”

Steve kept looking at him like he was from another planet, tilting his head with a small humored look like he didn’t get the punchline, his hands already cleaning off the brush he was using and getting off his stool, “You getting sick Sambam? You don’t look so hot.”

Clearing his throat again Sam could only grimace a little, trying to keep his voice calm and as gentle as he could, “We have to go to the hospital Steve, right now.”

The expression on Steve’s face was subtle, like something had almost collided with him but missed, a soft flinch that was followed by his smile melting away and his face quickly with it. Sam couldn’t deal with the look on his face already, pain blooming in his chest.

“We have to go right now Steve,” He only said again because he was sure Steve was tuning him out and had gone into some sort of shock and time was of the essence. “There’s still time and- ”

“Stop talking Sam! Stop!”

Sam shook his head, stepping towards him and taking hands that didn’t want to be held, Steve frantically shaking his head, panicking and Sam held firm while he was futilely trying to pull them away. 

“Steve. Steve _listen_ to me.” He could see Steve pulling away, shoulder’s drawn in and his head pushed to the side absolutely despondent. “Come on, we need to get you in some shoes and we need to go see her. She’s waiting for you and you can tell her goodbye.”

A shudder ran through his body, shoulders shaking a little and Sam could feel Steve’s hands trembling in his, “I don’t want to say goodbye Sam.”

“I know Stevie,” He rubbed gentle smooth circles along the back of Steve’s hands. The first drops of tears started on his face and Sam felt helpless, offering anything to anyone a way out of this nightmare, “We gotta go see ma though, okay? Come on, you need to get some shoes on and a jacket.”

“Shoes..” Steve muttered absently, his face pressed together like he was trying to really understand what that meant while Sam guided him towards the hall. 

The hospital halls were a blur of bodies and mute colors, the both of them automatically walking in full knowledge of where to go and Sam holding Steve tight to him to keep his legs from buckling under him.

They entered the private room, a nurse sitting at the corner giving them a gentle smile while she was knitting away. Every available nook and cranny was littered with cards and gifts and flowers from family and friends. Sarah was surrounded by softly beeping machines, propped up against a pair of pillows and tucked under at least three layers of blanket watching the grey rolling clouds fighting across the mid afternoon sky.

She turned to them, a shaky soft smile at her lips, eyes so blue Sam always took a moment to just let them overcome him. She was so at peace and had no fear of what was coming, her warmth and care always up front before them.

“There’s my two favorite sons..”

Sam’s mouth quirked into an automatic smile, it always did when Sarah called him that. A warm contentment welling up inside of him knowing she meant it with all her heart even then when she was at the door she still meant it his arm squeezing Steve trying to urge him to move up ahead of him.

She looked so tired despite the weak smile. She tried her best for Steve yet she was so thin and she looked so tiny. Her skin pale and dark bags sat under her eyes. It was something hard for Sam especially when she was so lively and talkative the last time he saw her which was not too long ago. It was like something so quick that seemed to attack overnight and he was in a space of shock by it.

He only snapped out of it when Steve finally moved forward, hands nervously clasped in front of him and Sarah lifted her own frail delicate hand for him, smiling a bit wider fighting away the shallowness showing off in her cheeks.

“Ma..” Steve moved two steps faster, hands clasping and engulfing around hers and pressing it to his face to plant multiple kisses against paper thin skin, leaning forward to rest his head against her chest and hold her tight. She softly brushed her hands painfully slow along his golden hair, Sam watching his shoulders shaking lightly.

“It’s okay my Baby, everything will be alright.” She whispered, taking a small bit of effort to press a kiss against the crown of Steve’s head, glancing up at him with a hand out. Sam nodded and shifted to the side of the bed beside Steve, taking it trying to hold back a pained sob to how cool her skin felt. 

Steve couldn’t say anything, Sam’s free hand stroking his back as he felt the vibrations of his pain as he cried against his mother. He wanted to do the same but he knew he had to be strong and that Sarah needed him to be. 

“Do you need anything? Are you..comfortable..?” 

Those blue eyes stared up at him and Sam knew he was going to be haunted by them forever wishing there was something more he could have done for her, anything to keep her on this earth at least for Steve’s sake and perhaps selfishly for his as well.

She gave him a thin smile, fingers sliding up and he leaned forward for her to feel them cup along his cheek, “I’m just so very tired Samuel..I’m ready to rest now.”

Steve hiccuped softly, brushing his face and looking up at her, reaching out to caress her face carefully. He swallowed, lips parted but the words fought to come out like it was against all his belief to admit what he wanted to say.

“You can rest now ma, whenever..whenever you’re ready to..I don’t want you to feel tired anymore..”

Sarah nodded to Steve, fragile hands holding his face delicately, “Oh Stevie, my sweet baby. Look at..look at how you’ve grown up. I’m..so very proud of you. Don’t forget that..”

She drew in a deep breath, eyes fluttering closed before they opened again and a gentle smile peaked at her lips, “Don’t let anyone take away that fire you have, alright?”

Steve tried not to start crying again, nodding at her as his hands slipped over hers, engulfing them and leaning forward to press a kiss against her forehead then down to her nose, then to her lips. 

“I love you ma.”

“I love you too Honey..” She let herself take a moment, drawing in a breath and exhaling softly, “..I’ll always love you even when I’m gone..”

His face tensed and Sam watched the way he fought to keep it together, nodding assuredly at her and she slipped her hands away, resting them back against the blankets.

“Now my Sweetheart, I’d..like a moment with Sam..just a small minute.”

Steve seemed to freeze up, nodding because he understood but feet not wanting to move away from her. He only did when she reached up and lightly pressed her thin hand into his bicep and his brain came back on track nodding to her as he began to move again, “Right, I’ll get us some coffee.”

Sam watched Steve drag himself a bit, the nurse knitting in the corner offering herself as a distraction getting up with a nod to Sarah and himself as she steered Steve along, turning back to watch his mother before he was led through the door and it closed. He was sure Steve wouldn’t even remember to bring any coffee when he came back even with help from the nurse. 

“..Samuel, please take care of him. I know you will..you always did when he was a sick little boy but now he’s strong and I’m glad for him but inside..” She swallowed thickly and Sam poured a small amount of water from the plastic pitcher sitting at the side cart helping her take a drink. She gave him a grateful smile, “..He’s still that little boy, my little boy and he’s going to need you, he’s always going to need you to be there for him even if he doesn’t ask.”

Sam nodded quickly, giving her hand a squeeze, “And I’m always going to need him. He’s always going to be my brother no matter how bullheaded he can be. I promise.” 

He blinked back a flurry of tears, he didn’t want to cry in front of her, not right now. Not when she was breathing and fighting as hard as she could to get everything out and settled, she was there alive and Sam didn’t want to cry.

Sarah smiled at him again, reaching a frail hand to touch his face, a light shift of her fingers stroking against his skin and he tilted his head to it watching her eyes closing before they opened again slowly. 

“I know..he’s going to have a hard time without me. I need you to guide him and help him because I need to make sure he’s with someone that will take care of him and make him happy like we make him happy. He _is_ bullheaded, he might not know when he’s not happy. You understand?”

Drawing in a breath, Sam nodded as he bowed his head at the floor, “I think I understand ma.”

She smiled again, warm and sweet, “You’ve always been one of the good ones Sam, I’ve always been so proud of you too..don’t ever lose that hope, that spark inside of you to help people, alright?”

Tears blurred Sam’s vision as he held her close, “I love you.”

A trembling hand cupped his jaw, “I love you too, I’m lucky to have been blessed with two instead of one son.” 

All Sam could do was smile and hold her hands, Steve coming back a minute or so later and he pulled himself away so he got time to sit with her. 

It was the last time Sam saw her before the funeral.

 

Sam woke up with a start, the past blending in with the present. He hadn’t even realized he had fallen asleep in the guest bed beside Steve who was wrapped in the covers and soundly asleep, secure with Sam’s arm around his ribs. 

Carefully he climbed out of the bed and raked a hand over his face. Grief gently washed over him, wandering downstairs and into the kitchen to get some water. It was hard to try and console Steve sometimes when he was still depressed and grieving not wanting anything more than to bring his ma back, it was harder when Sam had to battle it for himself as well. 

He carried his water over to the living room, approaching a side table with numerous framed pictures, picking up one with Sarah in a sunflower yellow sundress and a wide brimmed straw beach hat. She was kneeling on a picnic blanket with one arm around Steve, scrawny and young there, sandy colored hair falling past his eyes and her other arm around Sam while he was puffing his out chest and mooching for the camera. They were all smiling and happy there, a moment locked in time Sam finding himself more than once wishing they could go back to it again.

  
Bruce was a man of few words. He raised his soft brown eyes up at Tony, watching the man pace back and forth internally talking to himself his good hand gesturing here and there in some argumentative fashion. He had been doing that for the past fifteen minutes. 

Bruce had gotten the rundown of what happened from Rhodey on the same night and figured it would be pushed aside like everything was blown over with the way Tony dealt with things bothering him generally but this morning didn’t look like that. The man actively avoiding his emotional baggage was soaking in the aftermath of it, snappy and keeping to himself, seemingly mulling over things in his head and occasionally pausing to look at his cheek in the mirror, or moving to do something with both hands only to find he couldn’t or his hand was involuntarily shaking. He couldn’t move his wrist but he was stubbornly moving fingers to handle whatever it could and it was ridiculous.

Bruce only assumed the fuming following all that came from his phone seconds before he entered the lab. He tiredly slipped off his glasses, his fingers brushing underneath the hem of his shirt, cleaning the lens against the cotton.

“He isn't one of your robots, he isn’t even one of your philanthropist projects, Tony.”

It took a few seconds but Stark finally turned, pausing his internal melodramatic monologue to give Bruce a look that he should indulge him some more with his wise sage advice even though he never asked for it and most likely will not listen to it.

“Steve. He isn't something you can set aside and play with whenever you want. He's a human being.”

Bruce put his glasses back on, Tony’s befuddled look on his face had a mix of something else. Offense perhaps.

“And you think I don't know that?"

“What I think is that this whole fight that broke out was wholly unnecessary and could have easily been avoided. I don’t think either of you were at full fault for it but I do feel, from what James told me, that you both could have been adults and you both didn’t do that. Personally and simply put, in my opinion, I think you were waiting for a trigger, any trigger to get into something with Bucky. You want to keep Steve as yours and he’s entirely not yours to keep Tony.”

Tony furrowed his brows, stalking towards the work table like a man on a mission. “You really think I don’t love Steve?”

The brunette raised his hand trying to simmer Tony down, “Now calm down. I never said you didn’t love Steve. I know you love him, I don’t think you could _not_ love him. I just mean you’re only spending this much effort into the relationship because of Bucky. You’ve been with him for how long? Almost three years give or take? How much time and effort has been put into it? You two are friends, he knew what you did he was prepared to get into that and everything was settled in until Bucky came back into his life. I don’t need an answer now but I’ve been your friend for longer than this relationship. I hate getting into the middle of things but look at it yourself Tony. What’s more important to you, your work or your relationship? If one is more important than the other, don’t you think you should give the other the chance to grow?”

Tony glared at Bruce, “Who’s side are you exactly on Banner?!”

Bruce turned his back, flipping through his notebook, “Neither side. I’m speaking up for Steve.”

The key panel chimed softly, Banner glancing over his shoulder to spy James entering with some papers only to pause when he saw Tony looking mildly irritated. 

“What?”

“Banner’s telling me to let Steve go so he can run off with Barnes.”

Bruce let out a soft sigh, dropping his head, chin bumping against his chest eventually turning to look at the both of them, “ _I said_ to think hard about if he could handle both and what’s really important to him. I also suggested whichever one he doesn’t choose most likely needs more attention than they’re getting.”

Reduced to tapping a pen on the surface of one of the tables, Tony kept going on with that in silence until James finally swiped it away from him and slipped it into his pocket.

“Stop that.”

They gave each other glares until Tony finally turned to look at Bruce, “Everything was _fine_ before Barnes showed up, Steve had no problems whatsoever with my schedule. He never tried to tell me to get a normal job, he never questioned things like that. He worked around what was good for me and then _Barnes_ shows up out of nowhere and starts getting all these ideas in Steve’s head. Steve was never like this before, he never questioned things like that until he showed up, Steve was never even like that when we were friends. He knew the odd hours I kept when I came to class half a zombie. _I_ never changed, _Steve_ changed because of _Barnes_.”

Rhodey kept his mouth shut, giving Bruce a look and Bruce shrugged, “Yet Steve has no plans to leave. He’ll stay, you both love each other and that’s good. It’s what you can hope but one is going to suffer, either your work or Steve. Like I said, you have to think about that long and hard Tony because this can’t keep happening.”

Rhodey agreed, “You can’t get into fights with Barnes like some chauvinistic cave man, he’ll kill you.”

His friend smiled at him but Tony frowned, “I did fine on my own.”

“Yeah, don’t forget to bring the china cabinet with you as back up again.”

“He _broke_ my wrist!”

“He did not break your wrist. You fell on your own damn wrist.”

“Because of Barnes!” 

Rhodey rested the papers on one of the lab tables, “Tony, sign these. I’m getting out of here. Good luck with him Bruce.”

Bruce only hummed unhappily and Tony put his hand on his hip, “I resent that noise!”

  
Clint looked at Bucky from the kitchen watching him blankly stare at nothing for the past hour. The television was on but he wasn’t really paying much attention to it, colors and shapes splashed across his eyes but nothing registered. 

He shook his head to himself, warming milk in a bowl before adding a packet of apple and cinnamon instant oatmeal to it, spooning it together for a few seconds before it thickened up enough to resemble a jar amount of baby food. It looked absolutely gross to him, but they were Nat’s orders. 

He walked over with the bowl, crashing down beside Buck, Lucky lifting his sleepy head from Bucky’s other side before he went back to his nap, Clint gingerly rested the bowl on his friend’s lap, “Eat up, it’s your favorite oatmeal.”

Clint knew Bucky enough that he would, eventually, pressing a light kiss into his hair and stealing himself some of the blanket, settling in beside him with his head on Bucky’s shoulder and an arm snug around his waist.

A few seconds passed before fingers ran over the edges of the bowl and grasped the spoon, taking a small timid spoonful leaning into Clint’s warmth.

Bucky took another bite freeing his hand to bring both of them up above the bowl and point his index fingers toward each other making a twisting motion as they moved toward each other, signing to him.

“ _Hurts_.”

“Yeah, I know you’re hurting. It’s gonna hurt Buck.”

He took it off the news and switched it to some eighties cartoons, he could feel a swell of emotion roll through Bucky and at first he thought he might start crying. He didn’t, much to his relief, Clint couldn’t bear Bucky crying, it made him feel useless to not be able to take those tears away. 

At least the lack of conversation was common in both of them when either of them felt low, glad that Bucky started out learning ASL to communicate with him; they never knew how much it helped later in life when he just had no reason to want to speak and was now a passive coping mechanism if he didn’t feel the need to open his mouth.

Softly he rubbed Bucky’s arm through his pajama shirtsleeve, “Listen, it’s all temporary alright? Natasha said you told her he was trying to get you to talk to him and you did even when you were trying not to cuz you missed him? Buck you’re not weak for doing that, it’s what you want no matter how Brock feels about the situation. It’s going to be hard though because I know you just wanna keep talking to him, I know those texts he sends you has you itching to write back but you have to take a few days to lie low and just let him deal with Stark. If he’s not talking to him right now he’s going to soon enough and they have to deal with their couples garbage. You’re better off not being around there and you have to relax. There’s only so much make up’s going to cover when you have to hit the charity gala on Saturday. You have to think about you.”

Sad eyes gazed at him and only nodded.

Clint turned up the volume for them, resting his head back against Bucky’s shoulder, “Now shut up and eat your oatmeal. Brock’s gonna show up soon.”

 

Sam knew, he _knew_ this was going to lead to something bad. He _knew_. Why didn’t he just listen to his damn instincts? He broke off his treadmill and into a run after Steve once he realized why he tore off and away thinking it was a bathroom break before he saw who was outside and who that person was with outside. He tried to run around way too many people still inside the complex while Steve was already down through the lot and talking to Bucky. 

“I’m not gonna call him Sam, I’m gonna give him space Sam, Brock is so pissed off at me right now Sam, I wanna give them some time alone and let everything settle down Sam. I hate you right now Rogers you impulsive little shit!”

“Bucky."

Bucky lightly shook his head, “I’m trying to make this easier for you don’t you get that? I’m trying to be the bigger guy and let you mend things with Tony but I can’t if..and this is too much Steve. It was good to see you yesterday I admit that but I shouldn’t..” He sighed helplessly, “Besides Brock doesn’t like you..you shouldn’t be around me right now. He has the wrong idea and you’re _asking_ to get hurt and then Tony’s going to get more pissed off.”

“Brock doesn’t scare me Buck. I don’t care what he thinks it’s you I’m worried about. That whole mess, it was stupid it shouldn’t have happened, I really miss you around.”

Pain and warmth swept through Bucky’s insides, the heat settling nicely in his belly missing Steve being around as well but the pain was a cold sharp chill rushing through him trying to keep him aware and rational. It made him feel exposed too, opening his mouth to speak.

“Bucky! C’mon!”

He winced softly to Brock’s voice, his grey blue eyes staring at Steve apologetically, “I- I gotta go Steve.”

He turned to walk towards Brock’s Impala, Steve quickly looking towards the car, grabbing Bucky’s arm out of desperation without thinking, causing him to turn back and look at him, “Buck, wait. You don’t have to go with him, you know that right?”

Bucky looked back when Rumlow honked his horn impatiently, his bottom lip anxiously pressing in between his teeth, his brows set in confusion. “I can’t go with you. Not tonight..I’m sorry. _You know_ I’m doing this all for your benefit so please just leave me alone. I’ll be at the Christmas charity party anyway.”

That was practically three days away and rationally Steve knew that was nothing but he couldn’t bear letting go, forcing Bucky to step forward.

The anxiousness in his eyes to return to Brock came back, Bucky fretting over it, “Steve please stop, just stop. You’re going to get hurt.”

“He’s always going to hate me Buck, always. He hated me all this time, what’s stopping him now? He’s never going to let you go and make your own decisions.”

“Steve!” 

Sam’s panicked voice shot through the air in warning but he ignored it, adrenaline washing through him to get his point across and reason with Bucky.

“You don’t _know_ him like I do.” Bucky shot back, his voice pitched slightly, wobbling as he felt everything bubbling up from beneath. He tried his best to summon some strength for himself, something so he didn’t cave to moving into those arms. “Don’t make me choose between the both of you, you won’t like my decision.”

Steve begged with his eyes, desperate when he could see the mixed feelings of hesitation and the need to get away, “I’ve seen guys like him before, they just have a macho complex and- ”

Steve didn’t even see the right hook but he felt it, fist striking him like a mack truck was colliding into his face and his head had no choice but to go wherever that punch wanted him to, stars and a flash of blinding white popping in front of his eyes feeling the ground rush towards him. The sky blurred in a mixture of blues and blacks, his vision fading out momentarily. He heard a scuffle of a struggle by his ears for that second before he felt a boot connect hard and precise into his side, forcing him to curl up with a pained groan attempting to roll over onto his knees and get up again.

“Steve! Shit, Rummy stop!"

Brock loomed over him, placing himself between Bucky and him as Bucky tried to pull him away. Rumlow grabbed at Steve’s jaw, thumb pressed at one side and fingers at the other digging into his skin pain searing into him where he was struck, “I told you not to fuckin’ touch him!”

Steve tried to blink back the discomfort, pushing off his knees to get up only to get hit with a hard upper cut throwing him onto his back and hitting the ground hard, a burning sensation crept across his skin as he skidded a little. His jaw and chin screaming at him as his side was on fire and he was trying to get to his feet again scrambling back onto his knees barely managing to see the pair were already at the car with Bucky willingly climbing in, guilty eyes catching his before Rumlow sped off.

The last thing he heard was the sound of Rumlow’s tires and the quick footsteps of Sam catching up to him before fell back against his heels still reeling as he finally registered the taste of copper in his mouth.

Bucky stared at his hands, watching them tremble slightly in his lap, “You didn’t have to hit him.”

A soft snort escaped Rumlow, “Didn’t I? He was practically tryin’ to drag you away, like he wanted to kidnap you. He has a boyfriend Kiddo, a _boyfriend_ and you’re acting like you’re in fuckin’ love with him! He’s going to hurt you a lot more than what’s already happened and he already has Stark involved in this. I told you, you two are gettin’ too close and I don’t care _why_ , he’s gonna either hurt or get ya in trouble again!”

“I’m not in love with him. I just like him..” Bucky whispered out softly as he felt his chest aching, that familiar pain flooding through, tears welling into his eyes. He tried his best to taper it off, the side of his head gently falling against the window. He pressed his lips tightly together, hot tears rolling down his flushing face, arms folding tightly over his chest. He refrained from making any sounds, trying to pretend he was asleep.

Brock Rumlow was too smart for his own good, even if he didn’t seem like it. It didn’t take more than a few seconds for him to pick up on the distress, right hand reaching out to card through brown hair. 

“Oh Jesus Christ. C’mon Baby Boy, I’m sorry I got angry, alright? You’re one of the only family I got left, Kid. I don’t ever want you gettin’ hurt like,” He sighed softly, staring at the road ahead of him, “Like last time.”

Bucky choked back a sob, sniffling his nose before he slid across the center seat of the car, pressing his face into Brock’s shoulder. The brunette tightly wrapped his arm around him, keeping a steady drive with his left. He moved his head for a moment to plant a kiss on Bucky’s temple, looking back ahead of him again. 

“You know I don’t do this shit to hurt you, right? Buck, you understand that, yeah?”

He felt Bucky nod against him, refusing to raise his head as his shoulders continued to shake softly, silently crying into Brock’s shoulder. He turned his head at a red light, planting another kiss into Bucky’s hair, “He’s dependant on you like you are to him, like the coke, you got that with him. He’s got that with you. He ain’t thinkin’ straight and he wants what eases his pain, you need to spend time away from him Kiddo and if I gotta beat his ass to do that I will. I promise ya, he’s actin’ like a damn dog lookin’ fer a bone.”

 

Natasha raised her head from the back corner of the bar near the kitchen at Nick’s getting ready to leave before she approached Steve storming towards the serving bar and trying to act like nothing was wrong, a good area of his face swollen and red.

“What happened to you?”

“Oh nothing, I just ran into Brock and his fist, _again_. His really really powerful right hook boxing fist. I think he broke my jaw." He ran his hand tediously along his puffy cheek.

Natasha didn’t even try to look sympathetic, clucking her tongue softly more sounding like she was amused while she leaned back against the wall surveying it.

“So you hope he kicks my ass huh?”

Her green eyes looked over at him, no amusement on her face, but not negative either. She was stoic and he found it confusing. “No, I don’t hope that Steve but martyrdom doesn’t suit you, it’s very shallow.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?"

“It means, you got what was coming to you. I care about you but you’re an idiot." 

Steve only stared at her blankly as she shook her head at him getting a tall glass to fill it with ice, pouring it on one of their dish towels and wrapping it together in a tight bundle, shoving it into his hand, “Be happy you’re still standing. Brock’s hook usually leaves people knocked unconscious and you’re lucky he didn’t hit you by a wall again.”

Steve wasn’t surprised about the wall comment, he was getting dizzy spells after yesterday's fate with Brock's wall and wondering how Bucky was even okay from the amount of times Tony knocked his head around from what Scott was telling him. He pressed the ice pack to his cheek, “It felt like I should have been unconscious, well I did pass out for a minute when Sam got there. He said I did, I don’t remember. The first thing I thought of was that I was pretty sure a truck hit me.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So let me tell you, as I was editing the leftover 30k, it turned into 57k so I'll be wrapping up editing tomorrow and posting it up before I go on vacation. :3


	24. Rollins is a big ol’ cuddle cat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let's talk about how we feel, but not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Chapter 24.pic/gif](http://kalika999.tumblr.com/post/154804430300/hunger-of-the-pine-chapter-24-pt-3-of-3)
> 
> Warnings:  
> \- A character gets smacked in the face that's about it for the hitting or anything.  
> \- Winterstorm smoots
> 
> Also, if you cannot deal with how stupid-cute Jack and Brock are (Not always, sometimes they deserve a drop kick), let us go run through a field of flowers together.

**Mid December, 2015**  
  


Clint climbed out of the shower, changing into some sweats, catching Bucky back home and napping in his room as he was making his way downstairs. He already heard Natasha in the kitchen with Jack and Brock, the trio breaking out in a laugh, Jack shaking his head in utter disbelief over something.

“What you you three laughing about?”

Brock stopped himself, leaning his back against the counter, glancing at Rollins while Natasha stared at the both of them before looking at Clint, catching curious features with his brows raised. 

Jack shrugged, thumbing at Brock, “He ran into Steve at the gym earlier who was trying to pull Bucky from getting into the car. Brock knocked him on his ass.”

“No he wasn’t,” Natasha cut in, “He was just trying to talk to James. He was desperate to stop you from making him leave.”

“What’s the difference? He was tryin’ to keep the Kid from where he was goin’ instead of lettin’ him go like a Goddamn normal person.” Brock shot back at her.

Clint went towards the stairs before coming back, his brows uncharacteristically knit together and set with a frown across his lips. Gears turning in his head, the whole morning bothering him after Bucky left leaving him feeling slightly turned up about the direction this was all going and if it was really good for Buck in general.

“You sound so damn childish. Buck wouldn’t be running to your beck and call if he wasn’t so attached to you. You need to let him breathe and make his own decisions not start fights with Steve.”

A brow went up, confusion crossing Rumlow’s face, “Me? I ain’t done nothin’ but be there for ‘im Barton.”

“No, well yeah you’ve been there for him but you also scooped him up like he was your baby, guard up and ready to fight like you took him away from the bad man. Steve isn’t a bad guy, he isn’t doing things to intentionally hurt Bucky. You can’t hit him for trying to talk to Buck.”

Brock frowned, color rushing across his face, “You of anyone should know better than to believe he did nothin’ to hurt him. What the fuck do you think he’s doing with this whole situation huh?! He was grabbin’ him like he wanted to haul him off, I dunno I’ve seen Rogers get hit in the head a few good times back when, who knows if he’s going bat shit crazy the way he’s obsessin’!”

Natasha hushed the both of them, stepping in the middle of the kitchen, “Niet! He’s sleeping upstairs, don’t talk about him or Steve like this where he might hear you both.”

Jack folded his arms over his chest, giving a slight nod, “She’s right. Brock, you can’t keep him from making his decisions or mistakes whatever they are. It doesn’t mean you can’t beat up someone being a shit to him but you can’t just keep him away from Steve. Clint, he’s doing what he can to protect him. If we don’t try to, no one else will.”

Shaking his head, Clint sighed not ready to let it lie just yet, “I get it guys, I do..all three of you know how much I do. I’m trying not to be the enemy in all this and usually I let you all do what you want to do but this is different. This affects him differently and don’t pretend that it doesn’t. Maybe we’ve been shit friends to him, maybe we try our best to shelter him a lot more because of what happened before but I wanna go up for the record to say I don’t agree with keeping him away from Steve, it’s not right. Neither is manipulating him into staying away, he needs to decide these things himself not have it decided _for_ him. It’s not fair, not in this situation.”

Eyes looked away from him and he pursed his lips eventually looking towards Brock, “And Brock, you’re right. You’re entirely right. I do know better but are you going to stop him from feeling the way he does? You can’t lock him in a cage like some bird.” 

“I can if the focus of his attention is a shitty asshole who takes and has no fuckin’ plans to leave his boyfriend. This ain’t some romantic get together, this is someone abusin’ their friendship with ‘im to get somethin’ he ain’t gettin’. That ain’t fuckin’ right Barton.” Brock growled out in an annoyed huff, turning his back on everyone to press fist formed hands against the counter top, rolling knuckles against the surface and standing still for a moment before he punched the cabinet in front of him and settled in with him head down.

Clint shrugged his shoulders helplessly, leaning against the fridge, “I’m just not sure keeping him away from Steve is the right decision when he’s got feelings for him. We don’t have that right. We’re his support, his family, we’re not supposed to be policing him. He’s going to be unhappy without him, he’s going to be unhappy being around him. We know this. But he smiles around him like he’s lit up again, I _miss_ that. You know he wears his damn heart on his sleeve, he can’t stop his feelings because you said so even with your warnings.”

Natasha filled a kettle of water on the stove, staring at Brock’s back a long moment before she decided to speak, “Clint’s right. We aren’t supposed to be guilting him out of making choices for himself. You were there with him in Germany, what did you have to do to take him out of his depression, at least for a little while?”

Copper colored eyes glanced over his shoulder, “ _Yeah_ you would think about that and throw it back in my face when it suited you. Am I the fuckin’ only one seein’ this as a terrible idea? He got into a fuckin’ fight, a motherfuckin’ _fist fight_ with Stark over him and he should have beaten the shit out of him. He could’ve done a hellova lot worse than fuck up his wrist and bruise up that face a lil’, I taught him better than that, but he didn’t did he? He didn’t wanna upset Rogers so he held back and what did he get in return? _Nothin_ ’. Absofuckinlutely nothin’ but pain. I ain’t gonna stand around for that.”

Jack studied Brock in silence for a long moment folding his arms across broad chest again, mulling words in his head for a few seconds, “No, you’re not the only one. We all care but we can’t put him in a bubble either.”

“He’s not a _child_ , Levka.”

Brock turned, leaning his side against the counter, “It don’t matter, all I see is what you all saw. I see it every damn second, everyfuckinwhere. Even when I sleep, it’s always _there_.”

“Maybe if you believed in him more, like I do."

Brock raised his head to Bucky slightly showing his hidden self at the wall by the stairs, Lucky sitting on the last step by his feet.

“Bucky..” Brock let out, not knowing what to follow up with.

Dropping his head, Jack furrowed his brows, mouth set into a grim line as Bucky stepped into the kitchen. 

“Brock, I can’t just turn my back on him. I know what you said, I know what it looks like. I know. I just, I care okay? I care about him. I’ve cared about him for a while. He’s not some monster, he’s Steve.”

“ _Bucky_.” 

Brock’s voice was clipped, low and stern but it didn’t phase Bucky this time, trying to convince Brock to look at it a different way, with some sensitivity. Begging silently to give some of that a chance, gazing at him earnestly. Clint and Natasha stood next to each other and Bucky could only drop his head, shaking it lightly in his tiny passive aggressive refusal to back down on the matter.

Natasha caught Brock’s gaze, a dry sensation choking him at his throat and the signs pushed bile up inside of him.

“Kiddo, you don’t _know_ him. You fantasize about ‘im, barely four months ain’t gonna promise ya paradise with him. It’s only gotten you into shit, is he really worth _that much_?”

Lifting his head defiantly, Bucky’s face was flushed and raw, “Yes! He makes me happy!”

Losing a bit of his temper, he grit his teeth nose poised in almost a snarl, Brock pointed a finger at him as his eyes narrowed, “ _Alex_ made you happy. You fuckin’ remember that.”

“Brock!" Natasha snapped out, scowling at him.

Jack’s hand was flying up and backhanding him before he even thought twice striking Brock in the face hard enough to knock his head back into the cabinets behind him. Green eyes staring at his best friend in shocked amazement, “Don’t.”

Shaking her head in disappointment, Natasha moved over next to Bucky smoothing her palm across his back his eyes already downcast to the floor, face tight and hands balling into fists.

A hand cupped over Brock’s nose, glaring at Rollins but not retaliating as a trickle of blood ran down past fingers and Jack only kept his eyes locked on him, poised for any other unheeded outbursts.

“I _thought_ I was happy with him. Steve’s not like him, he’s never been like him.” Bucky let out, not sure if it was more to himself than to anyone in the kitchen. His eyes narrowed, fixated at one specific tile feeling frustrated and chided.

Clint moved forward standing in front of Bucky, hesitating hands spasmed at his own sides unsure before he folded them over Bucky’s loose fists, undoing them because they weren’t him, “We know. No one’s saying that. Not even Brock, he’s just being stupid.”

A disparaged grunt shot out in the air, Bucky looking up to see Brock cleaning up the blood at his nose with a tea towel not bothering to say anything more.

“Look, I understand what you all try to do for me. You all are trying to protect me, I know. When I was down, I was _down_ and I didn’t want to get back up again. Everything hurt, sometimes even breathing did but you all made me think I could be okay again and not a single second goes by where I don’t forget that. I owe you all so much, I can never repay that debt and I know I’m not as good as I _could_ be. I know I’m not the same Bucky I was before but I’m trying as best as I can. I’m just now talking to someone over something not related to that but I feel like maybe I can open up to her eventually and I hope that maybe it will lessen some of those ghosts I got haunting me.”

Clint gave him a gentle smile, “No one has a timetable on this Buck. You just go the speed you wanna go and we’re going to be here no matter what. Good or bad, we’re always going to be here for you like you’ve always been here for us. If Dr. Potts is going to get you to open up then we’re glad you’re going to get help from her and if you decide she’s not it, we’re going to help you look for someone else if that’s what you need us to do. You need help, we’ll all be that for you until you can find someone better suited to talk it out with you, yeah?”

Bucky nodded, thinking things in his head, “Yeah Clint.”

He shrugged sullenly, glancing more towards Brock than anyone else, “I’m just saying, I'm doing things to make me happy and Steve makes me happy Brock. He. Makes. Me. Happy.” Bucky made sure to emphasize and punch out each word feeling the weight of them roll off his tongue. "Do you not get that?”

Brock warily swept his eyes along Jack before deciding to answer, putting the cloth down from his face, “I get it and who am I to stop ya right? I trust ya kid, I really do I just don’t trust him and I can’t just stand ‘ere and wait around for you to get hurt every time he comes near. If you wanna keep seein’ him for what he ain’t then don’t get upset when I break his face when he reveals how much of a piece of shit he really is. He’s been hurting ya Kid, you like his attention because you like him, he likes that you’re there when his fella ain’t. You’re gonna lose in that game. I won’t sit by Buck, I love ya and if that means you get angry at me for beatin’ up people you like, so be it. You wanna be a big boy and keep at it, you’re gonna do it. I’m gonna do what I promised I’d do a long time ago.”

Moving towards him, Bucky gingerly nudged Brock’s chin with a balled up fist, “You rootin’ for me to be a nun Rummy?”

He barked out a laugh, wincing slightly at the pain at his nose, “Think yer a few years too late for that one kiddo but naw, I just don’t like bullshitters and Rogers is prime as one of ‘em.” 

“But you gotta really put trust in me too Rums, real trust, I can’t always be doing this. I always try to hide because it’s easy.”

He dropped his head, “Yeah, I know. I definitely know but when it comes to gettin’ in the middle of somethin’ for you I never gotta think twice..it’s just a reflex.” 

Bucky raised his hands up, holding Brock’s face carefully, “It was never your fault. It was never something where you hesitated and everything exploded in your face. No one will ever blame you, you need to stop blaming yourself.”

Brock gave him a thin simple smile, raising a hand to rest it against Bucky’s chest, “And you need to do the exact same thing for yourself Kid.”

A light self depreciating smile crossed Bucky’s face nodding as he looked away, fingers giving Brock’s wrist a light squeeze, “I’m gonna be upstairs.”

“Do you want anything, tea perhaps Kotyonok?”

He only shook his head, tucking himself back up to his bedroom, the jingle of dog collar tags ringing up the stairs behind him. 

Brock left the kitchen shortly after, shuffling out a pack of smokes from his jeans pocket as he stood out at the front stoop. He watched the activity across the way at the park, smoking as Lucky reappeared and sat at his feet, peering up at him with his one good eye and soon after Jack stepped outside finding it a little amusing that it looked like the dog was judging Rumlow for earlier. Occasionally a paw batted at Rumlow and went back to staring while Brock shook his head at the canine over the gesture then went back to smoking again.

One arm extended out and bent at the elbow when it came in with a crook of Rollins finger signing for Lucky to come to his side and he was rewarded with a pat on the head, hand settling against fur, he wasn’t gonna beat around the bush, “What got into your head?”

Brock groaned, shifting his body to partially turn away from Jack in annoyance trying to ignore him.

“Brock.”

Pressing his lips together petulantly, he lingered a few seconds before he opened his mouth with a clear glare set on Rollins when he looked back at him, “I wasn’t thinkin’ but he ain’t gonna put Rogers and Pierce together if I didn’t do it for ‘im.”

“They’re not the same person. Pierce was a piece of shit, Rogers is more of a romantic idiot.”

Rumlow studied him and Jack only shrugged confirming his statement, “What? He _is_ an idiot. You know it, _I_ know it.”

“I thought you liked Rogers. Yer always playin’ nice.”

Taking the cigarette, he flicked the ashes in the air before taking a drag his fingers scratching behind Lucky’s ears and smiling down at the dog.

“Bucky adores him, Clint and Tash like him, I like him enough. Wilson’s a decent guy too.” He tilted his head up, green eyes glinting in amusement, “Why? Jealous?”

A finger went up and Rumlow’s face darkened, “Don’t start that shit again, I was fuckin’ drunk.”

Jack laughed, choking out the smoke wrapped around his throat, “You keep sayin’ that.”

“I _was_ , asshole.” He snatched his cigarette back, smoking it contemptuously.

Rollins took a step closer, a sly smile growing across his face. He draped an arm harmlessly across Brock’s shoulders, “Don’t worry, if I need anything else I’ll let you know Brock.”

Brock snorted, shaking his head.

Swiftly, Jack slid in behind the brunette with arms locked around and a mouth tilted by his ear, “Don’t be mad, I only got eyes for you.”

“Let go before I push you down these fuckin’ stairs ya dick.”

Jack only wiggled his brows, squeezing tighter against him while simultaneously struggling to keep him still, “I got a big one, just for you Sweetheart.”

An elbow caught Rollins in the ribs and he laughed, finally letting go while Brock turned around and punched his friend hard in the chest, “Fuck off!”

They both turned to a faint cough, Clint folding his arms over his chest and squinting his eyes at them, “Were you two flirting just now or..?”

Feathers ruffled, Brock pushed past him to go inside, “He was bein’ an asshole is what!”

Jack only grinned wolfishly, Clint looking over his shoulder to watch Brock bolt upstairs to Bucky’s bedroom like an angry child. He broke out in a conspiratory smirk, stepping out before Jack, “What are you doing?”

Shrugging helplessly, Rollins looked at him innocently, “What _am_ I doing?”

“You two make out or something?”

Laughing, Jack shook his head pulling out a fresh cigarette from his own pack to light, “You know that night we were all brawlin’? Brock was still drunk while I was patching him up, pretty much said he shoulda been the one to kiss me if I wanted to try kissing a guy. I told him about it in the morning and now he’s acting like he never said it so I’ve been screwing with him.”

Clint rolled his eyes, glancing back to the home, “ _Oh_. That’s cruel.”

Jack laughed, blowing smoke out above his head, “You know that’s what we do. How long did he make fun of me when I puked in his dad’s car when we were kids cuz he convinced me to get drunk with him when he stole a bottle of scotch? He’s the cheapest drunk I’ve ever met and _I’m_ the one that threw up all over the leather interior. He fucking told you all in two seconds flat and kept laughing about it especially when his pops found out. We fuck with each other all the damn time.”

Wrapping an arm around Rollins’ shoulders Clint nodded to him, “Sure, fuck _with_ each other. By the way that’s called UST big guy.”

“UST?”

Clint held out three fingers like he was counting it off, “Unresolved sexual tension. You two totally have it.”

Playfully shoving Clint away, Jack smiled at him as he put his smoke out and headed back inside, shaking his head, “Barton, quit talking.”

Jack found Brock laid out on one side of the bed on the top of the blankets talking to Bucky who laid out at the other side and was hiding under them. They both paused when he walked in and all he could do was smirk about it, “I see you two are fine, should I leave?”

Bucky pulled his arms out under the covers, fingers wiggling and Rollins knew the drill with that position, already climbing over Bucky’s frame grabbing at his arm to check if he changed his bandage before dropping his head down against his chest knowing how much Bucky liked the weight of a solid body on him. Fingers immediately found his hair, brushing through them and Jack closed his eyes contently.

“You two are so gay.”

He could feel Bucky’s laughter rumbling through his body and Jack only tightened his arms around the body beneath him, “That’s right.”

“Rollins is a big ol’ cuddle cat, that’s what he is.”

Brock let out a snort, “Rollins’ trained to kill men, he ain’t no cuddle cat.”

“Only when you’re getting your dumb ass into fights because of your big damn mouth.” Jack retorted, giving his head a small tilt into the direction of Bucky’s fingers in his hair, eyes closed.

Bucky watched Brock’s face shift to utter offense, rolling onto his side already pointing a finger at Jack, “Hey, if someone’s gonna be a fuckin’ idiot it ain’t my problem if they get into somethin’ with me. No one asked you to step in.”

“Yeah because I want to see you fighting three or four guys at once. I like you in one piece moron.”

Giggling to himself, Bucky kept his comments in his head, pressing his lips tightly together and letting it settle before he switched topics on them, “Okay I really wanna nap now that you guys aren't shouting from the kitchen anymore, if you two are gonna stay here it’s time to sleep. Jackie you lay down in the middle.”

Brock looked put out, “Don’t you always sleep in the middle?”

“I wanna sleep on the side and I love you but I’m still a little mad at you. It’s okay you got Jack to hold you.”

Laughing, Jack rolled over onto his back, forcibly causing Brock to shift to the end of the bed giving his best friend a wink.

“Fuck, he’s goin’ that creepy gay shit again.”

Bucky met eyes with Jack trying his hardest not to laugh, playfully poking his nose, “Stop tormenting him.”

“It’s fun though, gets his nose bent outta shape over everything.”

Grinning, Bucky pulled the covers up to his chin, “Remember when we would have those sleepovers back when and he would get upset if we hogged all the blankets? He said he _had_ to have his feet covered?”

Rollins nodded, a fond smile across his lips, “Yeah because he thought something would grab his feet while he slept.”

“Fuck you both.” Brock ground out, turning his back to them.

Bucky raised up a little, taking Jack’s hand to swat Brock’s ass with it before quickly putting it back on Rollins’ chest, green eyes giving him a look. Brock hastily looked over his shoulder waving his hand blindly behind him, “Jack, I’ll kill you!”

Laughing, Rollins said nothing, letting his eyes close as everyone settled in. Eventually though he felt Bucky lean a little over him and steal his hand again pressing close and Jack pinched. Brock startled something fierce, feeling his fist strike him in the stomach in retaliation.

“Quit grabbin’ my ass!”

Jack punched him back, hitting him in the ribs, “It ain’t me, it’s Buck. Got some fascination with me touching your big ass.” 

“I ain’t gotta big ass and Bucky stop using his hand to touch me with it!”

Bucky stopped pretending to sleep, cracking an eye open, “Wait, how did you know it was his hand?”

“I know your hand compared to Rollins’ hand.”

“I don’t even wanna know. You big homos giving me shit when you know how his hand feels on your ass. Go away Brock.”

Jack tucked his hands behind his head to keep everything civil, not hiding the smirk though, “I know how his hand feels on my ass too.”

“Shuddap Rollins.”

“What? If you can say you know how my hand feels, I can tell Buck I know how your hand feels on my ass.”

“Why I gotta listen to this shit?” Brock spat out, grumpily pulling himself to sit up before he stormed out.

Jack cracked an eye open, finding Bucky peering at him in amusement, “Why are you picking on him?”

An eruption of laughter spilled out of him playfully hitting Jack, “Oh! Now it’s my fault? You’re the one goading him.”

“I’m always messing with him but when you and I gang up and tease him he gets like _that_.”

Bucky shrugged, “It’s cute though, like an angry short yet giant fussy baby with good hair.”

Letting his eyes close again, shrugging absently Rollins grinned, “Yeah. Maybe a little cute.”

  
Tony made his way to the elevators, everything mostly quiet, his wrist tucked away in a sling while his good hand twirled a pencil between his fingers. 

“Sir, it’s been twenty five minutes.” 

“Right, thanks Jar.”

“My pleasure Sir.” 

Everything had been remotely quiet that night, the panel on the wall by the floor buttons read that it was after one in the morning. He had texted Steve to tell him he should drop by, if he wanted to. It was the first time since the fight that he bothered to contact him busying himself with work and trying not to fume over anything related to Barnes and what Steve had admitted to. 

Banner had retreated to his own floor, work a day ahead of schedule and they all deserved a full rest, his wrist throbbed and he knew Dr. Chou would get on his case tomorrow for working through it and possibly reversing any healing. He had to work, it was the only damn thing that helped especially after Bruce’s conversation with him the day before still racing through his mind and bothering him to no end. His suggestion was ridiculous, he felt sure of it.

At his own private floor, the lights lit up around him, television off and staring at him across the room, wall to wall glass showing him the city lights still glowing bright but offering no warmth. If Steve had been waiting here, he probably could have came down to convince him to come to bed by now except he wasn’t. He was however waiting patiently (by JARVIS’ standards) in the common area apparently flipping through channels and finally pausing on an episode of How It’s Made. He wasn’t sure if Steve actually _chose_ to watch that or if it was because it was one of _his_ favorite shows.

Tony found himself in the bathroom, splashing some water on his face, freshening himself up just a little and contemplating changing into something comfier that implied sleep. Eventually he shrugged to himself looking back in the full length mirror staying in his grungy black tank top and greasy work sweats. He did however slip his feet out of dirty sneakers and into some sheepskin loafers Steve had bought him last year as a gift during Christmas. They were nice and soft underfoot but he made it a point to complain about them just to see Steve pout even though he knew better. In all honesty, Tony had no idea how he existed without them easing his sore feet after a long day. 

He shuffled himself back onto the elevator, getting off at the floor Steve was at, television on mute and all the Christmas lights lit up around the room. Steve sat on the long sofa with his head partially turned as he stared at some lights in the corner not noticing his arrival yet. Tony opened his mouth to say something but then all he could see was the bruising around his cheeks, “What the hell happened to you face?”

Startled by his arrival, Steve’s head swung back in surprise before he settled back again lightly touched his face giving him a nonchalant shrug, “Brock.”

Tony raised a brow, pointing at him, “Didn’t I tell you he’s past crazy? He nearly put my head through a wall!”

Steve only shook his head trying to wave the subject away, “It’s fine. He was just like that because I was..”

Trailing off, it didn’t take a rocket scientist to know why and Steve didn’t bother pointing it out. Tony was grateful about that at least, taking a seat on the couch next to him. Close enough but there was space so they could turn to each other and talk.

Blue eyes ran over his wrist hanging in the sling, a soft frown forming across soft lips, “I wasn’t sure if you would be coming out, figured you asked but then got carried away with work again.”

“I’m a man of surprises, aren’t I?”

That got a light laugh out of Steve, as trepidatious as it was and he nodded in agreement, bowing his head as he stared down at his hands, “You certainly are..so..what’s going on with your cheekbone?”

“Cosmetic, waiting for the swelling to lessen then they’ll do something about it. I’ll just have to grin and bear it on Saturday night, it’ll get me some sympathy points with donations at any rate.”

Steve nodded and smiled, worry across his eyes but he said nothing instead turning to look at the large ornate Christmas tree, oversized and bursting with ornaments and way too much tinsel, a bright star lit up on top. “I always love that you get practically every floor a tree, no one in their right mind should do something like that it’s so ridiculous and so..” 

“..Me?”

Chuckling, Steve nodded, “Exactly, which is why it’s not so bad here plus everywhere I look I can’t miss it and I know it’s for everyone but I can’t help feeling so good that it reminds me of before.”

Casually crossing his legs and leaning back to stare at the tree with his boyfriend, Tony hung an arm against the back of the couch, “With your ma?”

Steve absently nodded, hands knit together on his lap, “Yeah, when she was just at home at Christmas and there was nothing to worry about, you know?”

He did know, nodding with him and leaving it open so Steve could continue though knowing it may not happen because of the pain, but there was that smoothness of nostalgia and memories washing over Steve’s face and he couldn’t help the fond smile across his own lips.

“I just remember during Christmas sometimes money was tight with the house, all the bills and medication for me when I was still real young,” His voice caught and he lightly stumbled out a laugh. “I remember this one time during Christmas ma had brought home this ratty old tree, it was bent out of shape and crooked. It looked like someone kicked it a few times, twigs were snapped and it was so dry. Pine needles were shed all over the place on her way through to the living room but I was happy, I was just so happy to _get_ a tree and the way she smiled when I told her how glad I was to see it. We decorated it with paper snowflakes I made with her the day before and some small ornaments, even some lights. When we went to go put the glass keepsakes up the whole thing toppled over the second we turned our backs and we just looked at each other in surprise and broke out in laughs.”

Looking back up at the bright star on the top of the tree, Steve watched it, “It took a good while to lean the tree against the wall and clean up the whole mess, salvaging whatever we could and being more careful to not overburden it after, she promised to get me a better one next year and just kept smiling. I didn’t care though, I was enjoying just spending the time with her and all the effort she went through just to bring _something_ home.” 

Steve smiled to himself, “I’m glad that at least I can remember that Christmas and others with her to help ease missing her. I’m sorry when I don’t wanna talk about it or not share.”

Tony stared at Steve’s hands clasped together against his lap and he reached out, drawing his fingers lightly against his and almost immediately Steve turned his hands over and took it. He didn't even have to think about it, he wasn't sure if he even wanted to know anymore how much of what he admitted was truth versus just Steve trying to get him angry. He shifted closer beside his boyfriend, “What else do you remember about her and Christmas?”

Their hands entwined tightly together as he looked off in thought, grinning suddenly, “Pies. She used to make so many different flavors. She was really popular with the church parishioners because no one could beat them and they would ask her to make a bunch for the church and to give away slices when they organized a dinner to feed the homeless. I would get home and she’d have ladies coming in dropping off bags of apples, cherries, rhubarb, blueberries, peaches whatever fruit they would bring in, she would whip up a pie with it. They also brought her all the baking ingredients too, it was really nice.”

Smiling as he was speaking, Tony pulled a hand away to rest it around Steve’s shoulder and cuddle close, listening to him draw in a breath before he continued.

“The house smelled like how a home should, it was rich and warm full of all those fruity fragrances and sweet spices especially with all the brown sugar and cinnamon. I would help her make the lattice and cut out a fruit shape to signify which pie was which, but honestly I would just end up covered in flour most of the time and be more in the way than a help. Not that she ever said so, she would just hum along to the Christmas songs playing on the radio and never stop smiling.”

The glittering dancing lights caught the tears brimming at Steve’s eyes and Tony gingerly turned him so they were both facing each other. All the frustration and anger he was possibly harboring was gone, hands cupping cheeks while his thumbs brushed away the first fall of tears.

“Tony, I’m so sorry about everything. I don’t want us to be angry at each other, I don’t know what I’m doing or even saying. I shouldn't have said what I said and I should have told you right away in private about the thing with the marks. I was just angry and I got defensive. I keep messing up and I just don’t know how to fix everything like how we used to be. We were so good before and I- ”

Tony hushed him softly, sighing out loud, “I’m sorry too Steve. I was..just really pissed off about the marks and the fight,” His eyes strayed along Steve’s neck, the high collar of his dress shirt tucked under a red wool sweater blocking the view from the alarming signs of someone else there no matter how drunkenly accidental it might have been. He was actually glad for his clothing covering it, torturing himself for looking and it probably would have led him to lose his temper again to see them. 

“I was, I _am_ still pissed off at Barnes but I was pushing you to push back. I wanted to see that anger in you that I had in me and it backfired and we keep walking around in a circle.” 

He leaned in, meeting his forehead with Steve’s, letting his eyes close as he carefully relaxed his breathing. He had to get it out, “Whatever happens Steve, I want you to know spending the past few Christmases with you have been special.”

He paused, not sure if that was the line of thinking he really wanted to go but there was no real way to actually verbalize right then what he meant and Steve only looked at him with a pang of worry.

“You’re talking like this is the last one.”

Shaking his head, Tony glanced at the tree, lights twinkling away, steam puffing out from the train circling around the wide mouthed base of the tree, “No but, we have to talk. I’ve been avoiding it. _You’ve_ been avoiding it. We have to sort a lot of serious stuff out and I don’t know if we’re going to agree on everything when all the dirty laundry comes flying out and it all comes to light but we have to Steve. We have to.”

Steve dropped his head, staring down at his lap nodding to his words, “I know Tony. You’re right.”

" _Especially_ you letting him touch you, and thinking about doing things with him, was that true?"

Wincing, regret across his face, Steve took his eyes away and stared down at his hands, "I have had dreams, I don't do anything though unless you count taking a cold shower."

The look of pain across Tony's face was evident but he was nodding slowly to himself, assessing and their eyes met again, "That's my fault too."

Surprised, Steve sat up straighter his head shaking immediately, "Tony, no- " 

"Oh but it is Steve." His gaze was focused. It was too stern and serious, "You wouldn't be getting those ideas if I was around more, I get that. I just don't know exactly how to fix it completely."

"You don't have to fix anything Tony, there's no reason I should be thinking like that."

Hands squeezed Steve's, "Quit selling what you need short. We have to figure this all out."

Silence sat between them all of a sudden, the both of them wondering how exactly they _could_ figure it out.

“Can I request something though?”

Blue eyes peered up at him, hand reaching out and Tony took it warmly, fingers entwining and belonging together, fitting perfect.

“You think we would do it after all this Christmas stuff? I want you to focus on your first show I know you've been working hard. I need you to try to keep that momentum going for yourself. I want to be selfish too, I wanna see you on Christmas morning sleepy eyed and smiling, I want all our friends together so we can have our traditional breakfast here like we always do.”

A sad smile crossed Steve’s lips as he nodded, “Anything, but you still sound like you’re planning this to be the last Christmas.”

Tony met the smile with his own, “I’m planning for the good and the bad. We might end up in a fight and being angry, look what happened a couple days ago. Taking precautions.”

“I don’t like these precautions.”

“That would be why we haven’t talked yet, I don’t either.”

Saying nothing, Steve pulled his hand away to lean in closer and wrap his arms around Tony’s body and he immediately did the same thing tucking his face close and nuzzling into skin.

“I love you Steve.”

“I love you too Tony, you don’t know how much I love you and only you.”

To that, Tony smiled, curling in with Steve on the couch, “You mind if we stick around here for a little while?”

Smiling himself against Tony’s skin, not caring about the heavy smell of metal and oils he tightened his arms around and relished in his company, “Someone would have to carry you and me off this couch to make me move.”

  


Bucky stared out the window, tree after tree disappearing past the glass, cars and storefronts frosting and he only looked at his phone when it vibrated softly in his palm, swallowing thickly before he read simple kind words across the screen.

_Hope you're safe._

It read like a movie, those ones where the chemistry seemed so _right_ between the random character that strolls into the bored character’s life and everything seemed to click but in the end they part ways and that bored character sticks with their significant other to make it work and you end up wanting to throw the damn screen out the window.

Bucky shook the idea out of his head because it was presumptuous to assume they even had that much in the first place. He wasn’t sure when all he did was let everything soak into him and feed him into feeling like everything was so right while ignoring bigger pictures. Bigger pictures where in high school they barely shared absent touches when passing supplies and playful bats to shoulders, lingering eyes that might have happened but Bucky may have just looked too hard into it and then there was a promise that they would do more together, the more that never came and their lives changed and went in two different directions. 

Maybe it was for the best, Steve got Tony and he supposed behind all of what the tabloids painted him as there was something more greater and good than they let on, focused on picking out all the bad. Stark Industries _had_ boasted so much into helping third world countries and children that were at a disadvantage here and all around the world that he knew it wasn’t just bullshit if Steve was by his side. 

He was glad Steve had someone even if it wasn’t him, the soft breaking of the cab pulled at the curbside jarred him out of his head and he held out a fifty and absently gestured for his driver to take it all before tugging the collar of his peacoat tighter around his neck with his other hand. He stepped out into the biting cold, peering up at the dark skies growing black and moody, sky high tower buildings surrounded him instead of trees, the clicking steps of shined shoes and the thick glass door opening brought his head forward and an older gentleman in a brown and gold trim doorman’s suit tipped his hat, “Good Evening Mr. Barnes.” 

“Jerry.” He let out with a tilt of his head as he went in. “Cold, isn’t it?”

The man followed after him inside, letting out a soft chuckle before walking past to call down the elevator, “Supposed to finally snow tonight.”

Bucky’s brows went up, “ _Finally_? Are you excited about it?”

The man smirked, brown eyes crinkling at the corners playfully giving Bucky a wink as he pressed his hand at the lift doors and stepping aside as he held out a key card, “Aren’t you?”

Taking the card, he grinned, “I’m _insanely_ excited about the possibility of snow.”

Jerry tilted his head up towards the ceiling as he drew his hand away, “Should be amazing to see from up there then. May be a little tonight but it’ll definitely lead to more. Have a good evening.”

Bucky scanned the card and hit the button to the top floor, laughing at how loaded that was, “Oh, I plan to. Goodnight.”

Riding the car up, the floors softly chimed on and on until finally he reached his destination. Stepping off and onto thick soft carpeting underfoot, Johnny was leaning at the frame of his penthouse door, waiting with a smirk across his features draped in an open white bathrobe and a pair of jeans watching him the second he exited the elevator, “Hi.”

He wore a serene smile and a look of innocence across his face, “Hello.”

He played coy as he stepped toward him and Johnny moved back in, hands delicately snatching at hips and pressing in to steal a kiss because that's what Bucky missed most were kisses. Their feet shuffled in sync inside, kicking the door closed behind him as he pulled Johnny closer and they both fell against the frame pressing together for more. There was a sound of the lock turning, his hands reaching down to take his and Johnny nuzzled into him. Bucky turned their bodies around, pulling him along as they passed through the open floor plan, breaking their hold and eyeing Johnny with a smirk as he peeled off his coat, letting it fall to the floor and they both practically ran for the bedroom. 

Bucky pushed him down on the bed, rumpled and unmade, climbing on top of him as he dragged Johnny’s robe off his shoulders leaving a trail of soft moist kisses from his navel to his throat, biting down against skin. Johnny whined out a surprised cry, hands moving in different directions wanting to touch every inch of Bucky’s body fingers deftly undoing his fly, free hand moving into his hair gripping firmly with almost a desperation to it.

“Buck..” He uttered out, voice husky and low trying to fight through the wave of emotions, dropping his head back.

The tip of his tongue trailed up his pulse point and Bucky nibbled on Jo’s earlobe, “Shh, let’s just have fun huh?”

Sighing out breathy and eager, Johnny’s eyes rolled up to the pot lights in the ceiling. He was barely registering a yes as his hands tugged and pulled at the arm sleeves of Bucky’s t-shirt and got it removed. The dull sound of his zipper being pulled down cut through the air, button undone and Jo lifted his hips, a chuckle slipping out of Bucky while jeans were tugged off all the way and tossed aside to the floor. 

“Of course you aren’t wearing underwear..” Bucky muttered out in amusement, falling back on his haunches to take in his fill, hands grabbing at his own jeans and Johnny smirked, licking his lips in want as he blatantly enjoyed the show of deft delicate hands pushing the fabric down barely curved hips and subtle Adonis lines along skin that looked almost like marble. 

Johnny stopped him with a lazy lift of his finger, silently requesting Bucky turn before he entirely slipped them down his thighs and Bucky tried to hide a laugh, bunching the waist of his jeans in his hands while he shuffled along standing on his knees to face him with his back. He flashed Johnny a look of pure innocence over his shoulder, eyes a soft blue as he arched just so, playfully wiggling his behind at him before his jeans slid down slow and easy off the curve of his ass and down creamy thighs. 

“Jesus Bucky..” Johnny breathed out, sliding a hand down the inside of his thigh before fingers wrapped themselves around his own twitching cock stroking as he watched him slip his legs out and toss jeans to the floor crawling back over him again. 

“I wanna enjoy you tonight..” Bucky murmured, nuzzling into the side of Johnny’s neck and licking up against his adam’s apple before nipping sharply under his chin. Kisses followed along, bruises sucking into his skin before teeth sank in again, rougher than before just at the sensitive spot below Jo’s ear and he helplessly groaned and squirmed beneath him. Bucky's hand ran the back of his fingers along the underside of Johnny’s shaft, feeling it twitch and throb against him, watching the color darken across Jo’s face.

“Well, I’m up for anything and everything.” He managed to gasp out, eyes locked with Bucky’s.

Pulling him in eagerly, Johnny caught lips, their mouths fitting perfectly as one of his hands slipped into baby soft brown hair, tugging it and his other hand grabbed at his hip maneuvering him to lay out. He wasn’t interested at all anymore if Bucky was finished speaking or not and from the groan that slipped out from the brunette, he was sure Bucky didn’t mind it one bit either, taking in everything that was categorically Bucky; his hands feeling him out, his taste, his smell, the way his body was pressed against him on the mattress. 

“You smell good today.” Bucky drawled out against bruised wet lips. He playfully nudged their noses together before cupping the sides of his neck to kiss him again this time going slow and deep as Bucky slipped his thigh in between parted legs, grinding in a lazy rhythm.

Johnny felt his face flush at the realization of what Bucky needed tonight, selfish this time around and wanting to take him slow, at least at first, his pulse jumped in anticipation as he arched and ground against the friction. He brought Bucky snug to him, chest to chest, rolling them over while fingers tangled themselves into messy dark hair and he pulled again lightly, just enough to expose his throat so Johnny could return kisses along the blank stretch of canvas there and listen to the noises Bucky gave back. 

Johnny felt him entire body shiver to the feel of fingers trailing up his side mapping him out through touch itself, watching Bucky’s eyes slip closed, wet red lips parted as he leaned in and nosed his collar sucking another mark into already marred skin. His own finger traced around one nipple until it peaked, feeling his friend arch for more, a shudder escaping and his heartbeat jumping.

So engrossed in listening to how good Bucky sounded before they were even really doing anything, he missed strong fingers slipping between and wrapping around his cock. Gentle teasing strokes coaxed him to full hardness, palm already slick from how much he was leaking just from Bucky paying such close attention to him and gliding along velvet skin and Jo was losing any ability to think, free arm threatening to collapse under him. 

Bucky picked up on it and took the shift to wrestle himself back on top, Jo's eyes moving down that smooth body, his own dick hard and inviting to be touched and tasted. Licking his lips instinctively and Bucky was chuckling before their eyes met.

“Not today baby,” Mouth turned up at the corner in amusement because Johnny would sit and _beg_ over that nickname and Bucky knew it so well, playing it like a reward and when he was feeling affectionate. “Just be good for me.”

Watching Bucky crouched over him Johnny watched in silence as he languidly shifted down his body, nosing skin with his head bowed and ass in the air all for him to watch and he did until Bucky began to lick long strokes with the flat of his tongue starting from the base all the way to the tip of his cock like a cat licking its paws, efficient but at his leisure, dark eyes staring at him all throughout. 

Johnny groaned, frustrated at the speed, fingers forming fists and pressing them into the bed, “ _Shit_ Buck.”

Bucky drew away to pepper soft chaste little kisses at the crease of his hip that Johnny could feel were wrapped with a smile because he _knew_ Bucky was pleased with himself, little shit that he was. He was punished with a sharp nip at the inside of his thigh when he arched those hips to get a reaction out of him and again Bucky smiled, sucking another few stinging marks before he returned back to his torturous teasing licks. Blue eyes watched that plush mouth wrap around the head of his cock, tongue swirling around and Johnny heard himself pitifully whine over it.

Making some coherent attempt to stop Bucky from pressing on with his trial to get him to blow his load through excruciating methods, he grabbed a hold of him at one of his shoulders, fingernails digging into skin to make a point, getting him a soft grunt in response. With a tug Bucky complied and crawled up his body, an expression of pure lust across his face with a set look that he was determined to keep everything going his way. A shiver ran through, fingers finding themselves in dark hair again. 

Their mouths pressed in together, a hand gripping at his hip roughly. Johnny panted and moaned louder the moment Bucky shifted his own hips upward, their cocks pressing together, swallowing his noises down. He gave in to the slide of saliva and precum and yet it was all just for show, Bucky pulling away seconds later like he was purposefully toying with him which was likely. Johnny couldn’t help the whimper, receiving an apologetic kiss to his lips at the last second before he was rolled onto his stomach, his teeth biting into the pillow sitting by his mouth when two slick fingers were inside of him almost right away. 

“I want you to feel me when you get out of bed.”

Hot breath tickled by his ear.

The burn was sharp but it wasn’t bad at all, Bucky’s nose nuzzling his lobe and whispering _baby_ in his ear. He had to press himself down in the bed without grinding or he would have fallen to pieces just from Bucky’s words and fingers alone especially when they crooked and twisted just right and forced a shout out of him and into the bedding. A third finger worked into him rather easily, opening him up because all he wanted was him inside the second Bucky stepped foot into his place and Bucky only praised him further, sucking another hickey into the nape of his neck delirious with his own needs, heat creeping up his spine and blushing throughout the entirety of his body.

Bucky nosed into skin as he rolled on a condom, peeking up and retrieved the lube again by his side, staring back at eyes watching over a shoulder half lidded in a distracted daze eager with want. All Bucky had to do now was give it to him, the first slide in slow and torturous, taking his time to enjoy the perfect feel of engulfing feverish heat fit around his dick like Johnny was made for him. He slipped down to his elbows and forearms, hooking them under Johnny’s and he stretched his head around just enough to kiss him deep as he pressed in further til hips were snug against Jo's ass, offering another absent kiss to his cheek.

Listening to Johnny breathe calmly albeit shakily as he was attempting to stay still in anticipation, Bucky savored as he rolled his hips at leisure tender and sweet, the sublime mood washing over him from head to toe. A pleased sound escaped from the body laid out underneath him, temporarily satisfied just to feel him inside and finally began to move. Bucky could feel a laugh fighting to rush out of him knowing it wasn’t going to be very long before Jo would be displeased at the speed, easing out and gliding back in the same way he did a second ago just so he could listen to Jo sigh like that again, the calm before the storm..so to speak.

Bucky paced and took his time, fusing himself along Johnny’s sweat misted back and Jo couldn’t help the light sound of a sob falling out of him at the sheer agony of it all. He reached to grip tightly to the headboard, shoulders taut as his back dipped low and knees spread wider pressing his ass into Bucky's hips wanting to get him in _deeper_ a shattered groan slipping away behind him and Bucky drew his hips back. Johnny whined in protest, hyper focused on the pinpointed drag of Bucky’s cock withdrawing, his head barely inside before he drove himself back in with a tormenting thrust. Hands slapped down on the bed in frustration, fingers tightening around sheets, pleasure running through him as every fiery nerve ending memorized each detail of Bucky. He pushed back for more, begging for it, the pit of his belly twisted in knots at the warring emotions welling up inside. 

Bucky shuddered against Johnny’s ministrations, grinding himself in teasingly and feeling the clench of muscles around his cock not giving in to Jo just yet as he pulled out again and poured back into him like slow molasses.

“God fuck me harder Buck please..” 

He was only met with more lazy languid strokes like smooth silk sliding through fingers, a soft pant of a whimpered whine slipped out as hands trembled against the bed, pushing back eagerly much as he was allowed and moaning shamelessly to the slide of Bucky’s thick cock pushing him closer to insanity.

Bucky fit there, he made sense right there, Johnny’s head twisted to the side and up a bit, Bucky draped over his back so perfectly slotted, fused to him with his arm winding around Johnny’s waist to secure him. He nuzzled his lips along, dragging damp little kisses against skin lit aflame. Meticulously removing layer upon layer of him.

Johnny dropped his face into the pillows, crying pathetically, “Oh fuck, _Bucky_..fuck please..”

Bucky buried his face in, hot breath collaring the back of Jo’s neck, his half lidded eyes briefly watching fingers pull at the sheets tearing them away from the corners.

“Bucky..” 

Johnny was desperate for _more_ of anything that gave it to him and Bucky was drunk off how much he loved listening to the way he begged for it, groaning against sweaty skin as he was choking out a laugh, “I wanna fucking live inside of you Jo, you know that?"

Johnny felt his words shoot straight down between his legs, his own dick heavy and throbbing for release. He wasn't going to last much longer like this if Bucky only moved faster but for now he was only destroying his sense of knowing up from down with the torturous progression he had set.

Bucky pushed his face to the side to kiss but they couldn’t, at least for now they couldn’t. Lips parted and panting close to each others mouths, Johnny moaned helplessly as his nose dragged along Bucky’s cheek continuously to the steady rhythm trying his best to keep his eyes open only to have them flutter close each time Bucky hit him _just right_ , fingers curling between his stitching them together.

“Yeah Buck, like that..right _there_..fuck..”

Bucky closed his eyes seconds before Johnny did, watching dark thick lashes fan downwards and it was too beautiful, breath shuddering out as hips picked up the pace and rocked in. He worked into him, arm suddenly tightening around his ribs and Johnny tilted his head back letting out a loud sigh of relief mixed into his groans needing that change of speed, breath hot across his jaw as Bucky pressed his nose into his cheek. He dropped his face hard into the pillow again when Bucky pressed him down into the mattress, pinning his body in place to roughly fuck into him. Johnny’s cock rubbed itself in just the right amount of friction as Bucky panted into his skin, sounds absently growing feral.

“Bucky..” Johnny rambled out, no point to it, only feeling fingers digging into his shoulder and teeth biting down against the skin along his jaw forcing him to hiss out, Bucky’s hips dipping just right forcing a startled sound of surprise out of him. 

He left in his own babbling mess, Bucky’s name falling past his lips like a prayer at every thrust reducing him to nothing as Bucky unmercilessly pounded against his prostate. 

“ _Fuck_.”

Bucky chuckled shakily in between heavy breaths sure Johnny could hear the way he grinned as he exhaled, “I’m gonna make you cum so hard. That’s what you want to do right now, don’t you?”

Before Johnny could even piece words together, he pliantly moved when a hand roughly pulled at him to tuck his knees in still spread with his ass pushed out in a better position for Bucky’s hand to rub him off. 

“You gonna cum for me Jo?” 

Johnny’s eyes practically begged to roll back, the thrill of control laced in a question asked by someone so sweet and usually so gentle, it was like chasing some sort of perfect high pulling that dominant tone out of Bucky, it did something so _right_ to him.

Bucky drew out almost entirely and snapped his hips back in, hard and rough. Johnny practically felt like he was drunk and seeing stars, barely gasping out at how good it felt and mentally cursing Bucky at being blessed with the ability to be so precise when he wanted to be, his hand still stroking him in time with his thrusts. 

Johnny could no longer speak, barely blathering out aborted versions of Bucky’s name as his head fell forward and his mouth hung open as he panted for air. Air that he was unsuccessful at finding and he couldn’t entirely tell if he was drooling either, his head spinning as he fought and failed at refraining from the scream tearing out of him as he came and kept cumming. Bucky eventually let him go once he milked him through his orgasm and left him twitching and mildly sore, coated with himself. 

Hands were manhandling his spent body again, Bucky holding him painfully hard at his hips, digging into his skin, one side of his hip warm and wet with his own cum but he couldn’t care less feeling Bucky’s face curving into the side of his neck as he groaned louder. 

Johnny pushed his own face into the pillow practically crying at how good and bad everything was feeling right then as he began to feel the rippling effects of his oversensitivity while Bucky kept on fucking into him harder than he was a few seconds ago. 

It didn’t take too long for him to follow suit, clinging desperately to Jo’s hips and grinding in as deep as he could biting into his friend’s shoulder and cumming so hard he lost all sense of time for a few seconds, his brain canceling everything else out and collapsing against Johnny’s back. When his mind was finally clearing up and the fog of stars began to fade away, Bucky found he had pulled out, laying there on his back on the same pillow as Johnny, an arm anchoring around Storm’s waist and lightly stroking skin while his stained fingers had been pressed against Johnny’s mouth tracing his lips only to find Jo licking them clean.

Bucky hazily blinked watching him in curiosity and amazement, index disappearing as it slowly slid into Jo’s mouth and he softly suckled.

“Johnny..”

“Mhm?” He hummed after taking in Bucky’s middle finger.

“You’re disgusting..” Bucky sleepily informed him, Jo’s mouth finding his pinkie finger and the brunette tried not to drunkenly giggle into the pillow.

Johnny watched Bucky struggle to stay awake, eyes barely staying open as he stretched himself out in gentle sheets and almost startling when a warm damp cloth cleaned him up, condom tossed away and coaxed to take a nap.

“My job..” he softly muttered, batting lightly at the cloth though not making an effort to steal it away instead he rolled onto his belly, hugging the pillow.

“I don’t mind cleaning myself off if I get to watch you sleep naked.” Johnny shot back and leaned over, pressing a kiss at each dimple above Bucky’s behind before disappearing into the bathroom to clean himself off. 

Bucky made a small dismissive noise curling up for a few long minutes before thirst kicked in and he hauled himself out of bed to get some water.

"Whoa, where are you going?" 

Johnny redirected him to a small chair and Bucky sat down in it, staring up at him, "Wanted some water." 

"Give me a second and I'll do it."

Instead of arguing, Bucky pulled his legs up curiously, taking the comforter he was offered and wrapping himself in it. He watched as the sheets got pulled off and replaced so fast Bucky was honestly amazed Storm had the ability and naked too. A soft amused giggle erupted out of him as he tried to hide it in the blanket. Johnny glanced back and gave him a playful scowl, finishing off the pillows before he gestured that Bucky could get back in before disappearing out of the room.

He came back with a peeled orange in his hand and a few bottles of water climbing in and uncovering the lump beside him. Blinking tiredly, Bucky peered up at him and took the water he offered, hand brushing into his hair and he keened into it, curling up against him.

"You know, this is so backwards. I should be cleaning you up, getting water for you.."

"I like doing this stuff for you even if you fuck my brains out. My body kinda just reserves energy to do that stuff which- " He took a couple sections of orange out, separating them and eating one as he offered the other, "Hungry?"

Face screwed up in confusion, Bucky shook his head and poked at it before taking a second glance and opening his mouth, Johnny meeting him the rest of the way and feeding him the slice. He listened to the soft inhale of air Bucky took, exhaling soundly with a hum to it cuddling up closer.

"Hm." Was all Johnny let on, taking another piece of orange and holding it out before Bucky's mouth. Almost immediately he took it, cheeks red and it was adorable and fascinating at once remembering the way he accepted the pears while in some head space and then recognizing he did it it later in the bathroom. Bucky made lazy happy noises, head against Johnny's shoulder and another piece appeared before tender lips, eyes closed but he opened his mouth humming contently as he chewed away at the fruit before swallowing. Jo brought a hand around Bucky's bare hip, softly petting and caressing his skin while he fed him another slice, Bucky taking his time. He bit off half and ate it as leisurely as could be done with a bit of orange, taking the other half not soon after. 

Fingers coated lightly in juice, Johnny brushed his index along Bucky's lower lip, eyes opening to peer up at him, dark like the clouds outside. He watched him suck any trace of the fruit on his fingers, tongue laving over Jo's palm to trace where a runaway drop had gone off to. It made Johnny stir inside, staring like he was in a trance. Bucky only smiled, setting his water aside as he leaned in, body warm and pliant as it coerced Jo to lay out. The whole situation was weird but good, not sure anymore if he was enticing Bucky now or if Bucky was enticing him.

"You should kiss me."

A smirk spread along Johnny's lips, "What's generally what Siren's say before they kill someone."

Gentle fingers pressed against his chest, and he could just see past Bucky's shoulder watching the blanket sliding off his back and down the curve of his ass while he draped himself over and Jo met their mouths together chasing each others kisses.

  


Bucky soundlessly woke up from his short snooze, one arm tucked around Johnny’s waist, the both of them wrapped with sheets around their mid-sections, the comforter pushed off the bed and they soaked in the serenity laid out between them. He let his eyes slip closed again, humming out sweetly and he felt Johnny shift just enough so he was draping himself against his side, gliding fingers along Bucky’s ribs and then across his stomach, body twitching reactively to spots where he was ticklish. Bucky bemoaned lightly feeling tips of fingers dance around his navel, sheets skirting down, the press of lips connecting to his shoulder. 

“I thought you were still gonna be mad at me for screwing you nice and easy once the soreness set in more.”

Johnny couldn’t hide his grin, looking at the face beside him still trying to sleep, “Feeding you kind of balanced it out for me, there's something going on there. Besides, I loved it even with the torture just not on the regular. I’m sure Steve would like that pace when you finally get him in bed, for me though if we went any longer I would have lost my head. I’m glad you started fucking me harder but then you made me cum before you did so I’m pretty sure you’re some level of sadist and then after.. _oh God_ you were testing me pounding into my ass like that. I didn’t know whether to beg for you not to cum so you could keep going or if I wanted you out of there, wringing me out like that.”

He sighed out loudly and Bucky dropped an arm over his eyes, trying not to laugh.

“Come here.” He whispered instead.

And Johnny did, shifting with a playful wiggle of his butt as he climbed up on top of him.

He stared down always lost in the appreciation of Bucky laid out bare against soft fluffy white sheets and pillows while pale blue set eyes peered back at him curiously. He could only smile, Bucky’s mouth curving with its own little smile as he swallowed, Jo trailing his eyes down the bob of his throat and along bitten and bruised collarbones. The only thing different were the marks on his face and darker bruises around his torso, a good purple bloom of color across his shoulder and the bandaged forearm completing him. Still, he looked immaculate like he wasn't even made for this world.

Bucky's fingers came up and slid along the side of his jaw, pulling Johnny in and leaning his head up to press in a kiss only to pause when his friend's nose bumped playfully against his leaving Bucky in a state of surprise while his head dropped back into the pillow, face immediately blushing a rosy pink. 

A grin melted across Johnny's face and Bucky couldn't help mimic it watching Jo bump their noses together again and Bucky’s hands slid along muscular shoulders, tilting his head just enough so he could return the affection, chaste kisses chasing lips until Johnny settled in and let Bucky claim a few for himself, light and sweet with so much _care_.

Drawing his lips away, Johnny watched Bucky softly pout, mouth swollen as he pressed the front of his teeth into his bottom lip. He leaned forward and kissed Bucky’s neck, nuzzling lightly over the pulse before moving in to nibble at it feeling the way his heartbeat went a little faster against his lips, the back of his knuckles coming up and brushing along Bucky’s jaw nudging him lightly to get him to face toward again. He moved to nip Bucky’s flushed lower lip, kissing the spot before he pulled away to the side and slid his fingers into dark hair giving it a gentle tug to tilt Bucky’s chin up kissing him hard and uninhibited. 

Almost automatically Bucky moaned, his palms running down and along Jo’s smooth back, eventually resting them at his butt, grabbing handfuls of flesh as he returned the kiss just as recklessly, making hungry sounds that were mostly swallowed down by Johnny’s eager mouth, a thigh snuggling in to catch the friction of undulating hips. 

Already warm, the soft castoff of lamp light from the living room caught the faint glint of sweat peaking along Bucky’s hairline, his head falling back. Arching with his throat exposed, Johnny bit and marked the expanse of it as he adjusted just enough so he could shove away the sheets and wrap his hand around the both of them.

“Keep your eyes closed Buck.”

Bucky made a soft noise and Johnny only moved his head up to kiss him in assurance, “Trust me. Okay?”

Chewing at his lip and nodding, the tension in Bucky’s shoulders drifted away as he settled back, chest rising and falling, hips twitching and eager aching to thrust in Johnny’s hand. Bucky hooked his leg off Jo's hip, securing him in tightly. His eyes kept themselves closed, tight and focused on their panting mixing into the air with the moist sound of soft velvety skin sliding slick together in Johnny’s grasp. Giving a firm squeeze, a short cry cut into the space between their heavy breaths as Johnny was working them over, fast and rough with just the right amount of friction, their bodies pressed painfully close, his breath hot and wet against the cleft of Bucky's chin.

“Johnny, _oh God_..” 

Bucky moaned louder pushing his head to one side and arching up, hard nipples rubbing against Johnny's skin and he loved feeling them brushing into him, the way he pulled those reactions out. He felt dull nails scratch sharply down his side and along his back, thrusting as he focused on Bucky lost in pure pleasure beneath him. It was too much already and he was cumming into his hand, smearing it warm and wet as he rode himself down and closed his eyes to listen to the way Bucky was panting in the darkness. 

He loved this moment, back down seconds from the high and hyper focused on only Bucky. This is what he knew, instincts pushing him to move to it. He was a self confessed expert on how Bucky liked to be touched and rubbed, how to use his tongue on that softly sweet body and when to go fast or when to go slow. It was years in the making, their own session of relief and comfort perfecting it more and more as days went by.

Jo knew Bucky was close from the way his voice began to carry and it was then he drew his hand away immediately receiving a disgruntled protest. Ignoring it, he shifted downwards and used his mouth instead, swallowing him down hungrily, smiling around Bucky’s cock and listening to him startle out. It was instant how quickly he begged and whined for him not to stop, Bucky letting slip absent drags of his moans, fingers grasping around short bits of his hair as his hips gently rocked up into the rhythm of Jo’s welcoming hot mouth. Everything entirely pleasant and wonderful washed over Johnny like this, listening to the power he had to get him off, his breathing pitchy and high. It didn’t take long for him to finish Buck off like that, pulling away once he was satisfied he swallowed every last drop of him, licking around his balls to get all traces of his own cum off him.

“Oh God, I was so wrong..” Bucky croaked out, Johnny glancing up curiously, “You’re not disgusting, you’re absolutely _filthy_.” 

Johnny grinned, “Just imagine what I could do if you let me do you without a condom and then ate you out.”

Bucky felt his spent cock twitch in interest and he laughed, shoving his hand down between his legs and pushing Johnny’s face away, squirming and shaking his head, “Stop encouraging my dick.”

“But that’s the fun part.”

Bucky ignored him with a small huff, tugging and dragging Johnny into his arms despite protests of needing to clean himself off. He didn’t much care, four limbs wrapped around Storm and kept him close as Bucky tucked his face in and wanted to sleep. He never bothered to open his eyes the whole time and it seemed to do the trick, at least as long as it was Johnny in bed with him. There was no way he would risk that with someone else, feeling the blanket pull up and over their heads just as the first few flakes of snow started to fall past the full floor to ceiling windows.

Morning was barely awake itself when Johnny awoke cocooned in the comforter and finding the space next to him empty but still smelling of Bucky. He could still see their clothes thrown on the floor, pulling himself up with his body aching in protest, well mainly his sore ass and his hips. He attempted to walk with squinting eyes, peering around into the living room and then glancing to the kitchen. His mind supplied memories of being bent over the island and screwed stupid, or against the glass at the front windows where there were three other towers present and the fact that they _had_ been caught fucking against it at least once. At least the woman flashed her boobs and gave them a thumbs up for it before she closed her blinds. When in Rome, right?

He also remembered a few times of Bucky cooking, kitchen fully stocked for his random visits because frankly, Johnny couldn’t be bothered to cook much of anything if he could just pay someone else to bring him food. He knew how to cook, he was just too damn lazy to do it. 

He turned out of there and found Bucky in the steam ridden bathroom, mirrors fogged over and his hair damp against his forehead, so dark it looked black against his pale skin, head fallen back against a towel at the lip of the free standing soaker tub. The thing was so deep Johnny could barely see Bucky’s shoulders, arms propped up against the sides, hands and elbows a faint red as he had his eyes closed nestled chest high in milky white water and a thick layer of bath bubbles that spilled off the side.

“You know, normally people would say it’s creepy being watched while they’re bathing.”

Johnny smirked, strolling over, “Well good thing we’re not normal then, huh? Can I join you?”

Nodding, Bucky stood up taking the hand Johnny offered him while he turned facing away to look out the window that took up the entire back wall glass tinted so there was no worry about anyone catching him flashing them. The clouds hung low this morning, faint fog wafting along as thick feathery snowflakes fell past the glass and Bucky took the time to stare.

Johnny came closer stepping up on the pair of steps made of marble which in the back of his mind he thought was ridiculous. One slip and he was going to crack his head open but it wasn’t like he decorated it, he only tightened his hold on Bucky’s fingers sinking into the water when he climbed in while he stared at that perfectly soft oiled backside shining before him. The water level rose when Bucky nestled himself between his legs, threatening to spill over. Johnny didn't much notice as his arms wrapped around to bring him close to his chest, hiding his face behind Bucky’s ear nuzzling in. 

Squirming to the sensation, Bucky turned over, sitting up to straddle Johnny’s hips, water sloshing off the sides as his arms wrapped around Storm’s neck peering down at him just as he was smiling up at him. Johnny’s hand curved along one side of Bucky’s ribs and went up, thumb flicking across one pert nipple while his free hand spread wide across the region of a milky thigh.

“You’re gorgeous.”

Tilting his head shyly just look at Johnny, Bucky slid his hand along his shoulder, fingers gliding along at his jaw. He only tightened his other arm around Jo’s neck pulling him in for a kiss. His friend’s hands roamed against his bath oil slick hips and grabbed his butt giving it a squeeze and arching him in closer.

Staring up at him, Johnny watched as Bucky only rolled his hips, so tight and snug in his lap, soft perfect noises slipping out as he grabbed his ass harder, grinding in and watching ruby red lips part just enough to remind him of how that mouth worked around his dick. His brain wandered to lost thoughts of being inside of Bucky and bouncing him on his lap, getting him to sing so sweetly for him, his mouth leaning forward to lave and suck at one of his nipples, pinching and playing with the other. 

Bucky smiled at him, carefully turning them over in the water and pulling Johnny in, nuzzling his jaw lightly and leaving a trail of kisses against his sud covered skin, dragging his lips along to the side of his neck, mouth already sucking a mark against one already there loudly displaying itself as Johnny draped himself over. Bucky holding him tight around his waist, Johnny’s arm going around his neck pressing snug against one of Bucky’s thighs, moaning out weakly as he ground himself in.

“You should fuck me. Jesus Christ, you smell really good right now..” He trailed off, nuzzling his nose along the crook of Bucky’s neck taking him in with a long drawn inhale, warm breath flooding out against damp skin. “Like Christmas morning.”

Bucky squirmed, silky thigh sliding between Jo’s, “Mh, yeah? Found your woodsy smelling bath bombs.”

Johnny rocked against him, burying his face where he was as hips pressed forward, his hands moving out to plant at the edges of the tub, the water splashing off the sides at every thrust, “Remind me to buy you - _fuck_ , more for Christmas.”

Chuckling softly, Bucky said nothing, slipping a hand along the cleft of his ass instead watching Johnny curiously as he eased a finger inside of him easily. 

“A-ah!” Johnny’s face flushed, squirming in surprise. 

He listened to him groan low, feeling Jo’s hips keeping up with the friction and pushing back on his finger as he carefully added a second stretching and awkwardly curling them in. It wasn’t ideal at the angle his hand was at but he enjoyed the open mouthed reaction Johnny was receiving from it, water washing up his chest then ebbing away. 

He allowed his eyes to close like earlier in the night when they were face to face, head dropping back against the head of the tub and his other hand grappling at Jo’s neck and pulling him close to kiss him and parting legs just enough to get him in just perfectly. 

They went that way, Johnny fucking himself on two fingers and rubbing himself with not enough friction that Bucky had to move his hand into the water and grip them together before they both fucking lost their minds, water making a goddamn mess all over the floor and suds speckling their bodies. 

Johnny warned him, _begged_ him about not stopping, incoherent and desperate to chase his orgasm, Bucky craning his neck back as he let out a soft string of Romanian seconds before he came, Johnny picking out a bit of cursing from it and a few other pieces, done a few seconds later. 

Both collapsed together panting in a frothy half empty tub of water sitting in their mess because they silently agreed right then that _they_ were an absolute mess, the both of them together, Bucky’s eyes eventually fluttering open to Johnny staring at him with a stupid grin and all he could do was laugh at the situation for a second, too dazed to do anything else aside from freeing his fingers and dropping them in the water.

“Mhph, you’re a _menace_. We have to go shower in the stall now, I’m not climbing back into bed with cum bubble bath water.”

Johnny stayed slumped against him, laughing into damn skin, “Yeah. Yeah okay. Yeah, I could go for a shower. Just, let me relax a few minutes..”

Bucky dropped his head back against the towel hanging off the edge, “Don’t act all innocent, you just wanna screw there too when we can get it up again..”

Nuzzling his nose along Bucky’s shoulder, Johnny’s lips curved into a grin, “Just need about five, maybe seven minutes Buck, waters still warm in here.”

“Oh yeah, love soaking in bodily fluids.”

“I promise I’ll clean you up in the shower plus get the condom and lube, definitely the lube because that stung a little.”

Bucky said nothing, only shaking his head as he turned to look out the window to the wisps of heavy snow soaring through the sky. It was beautiful, full thick flakes falling constantly towards the city around them, he smiled as he watched, his eyes half lidded and too lazy to do anything more. The water lapped up his torso when Johnny moved a hand to gently draw him back, fingers feather-light on his cheek and he stared at him, catching his friends mouth when he leaned in. He wrapped his arms around Jo’s neck, pulling him close and coaxing him to move in as the both of them pressed soft careless kisses against each others mouths and let time bleed away into the cooling bathwater leaving them alone in their wonderfully pleasant little world.

Mid afternoon rolled in when Bucky finally woke up with a start realizing he had to get going soon to start getting dressed for the charity Christmas party. Rubbing his eyes and pulling on a clean pair of boxer briefs, he sauntered out of the bedroom in search of a bottle of water assuming Johnny had to go out, sometimes he did and sometimes he was in the kitchen. Like now. Stark naked. Smooth tanned skin and lean strong muscles, the curve of his back and the perfect firm swell of his ass on full view.

Dear Lord.

He was awake now, swallowing down hard, trying not to flush. He shouldn’t when he was so used to that ass, knew the feel of it against his hands, knew the way it felt when he was sliding his dick between those cheeks. He sighed _loudly_ because this sight was definitely not needed when he had to leave soon, they screwed enough to last them a few days, he shouldn’t be semi hard already. 

Johnny turned to look over his shoulder, damn fucking lashes fanning all innocent and cute but Bucky wasn’t buying it, not right now, no sir; smoldering look or not with those sky blue eyes that Bucky loved staring at. No Bucky had no time for this.

“Hey, you’re up. I made pancakes.”

“It’s like..three or something. Why are you naked?”

He shrugged, turning back to the pan, “I like being naked. It’s warm in here.”

There was a retort in there somewhere but Bucky’s mind was wandering to that ass and what he’s done to it and how much more he could destroy it if he had time and how he’s destroyed it over the table to the side or that counter to his left or the island in the middle of the kitchen..or the marble floor..or that window the poor maid had to clean knowing full well what happened..Or the couches..yes plural..couch _es_. Lord save anyone who hit this place with a black light because if Jo’s cleaning staff missed anywhere the truth would be out there and he didn’t want to think about that.

He shook his head to put himself back on track and he walked over to the stacked pancakes beside the stove, smearing some Nutella across one and rolling it like a burrito before taking a bite, “You outta put on clothes, you’re gonna burn your Jimmy.”

Johnny laughed, gently pulling at Bucky’s elbow to bring his arm over and lock eyes with him as he sucked off the chocolate staining the side of his thumb, “You know that’s another way to say your name. Your parents are great.”

He rolled his eyes, nodded at Jo’s lower region, “So is Johnny.”

“Since we’re on the topic, I could definitely go- ”

Bucky stuffed the rest of his pancake into his mouth, shaking his head, “ _No_." 

He chewed quickly and swallowed it down as he went back into the bedroom to gather up his clothes. He tugged his t-shirt back on, trying to will his dick to stop hoping for some action.

“Aw come on, we should do it one last time before the party, get the nerves out."

“Jo, since stepping foot in here, I’ve cum about five or six times I can’t remember if I was dreaming you blowing me that one time when I was still asleep.”

“Six times.” He cheerfully supplied with a wide smile.

Bucky sighed at him, pulling him in because he hated how adorable this guy was, giving him a kiss, “I have to go, I don’t want them breathing down my neck for not showing up when the stylists do. I’ll meet you at the party.”

Johnny rolled his eyes, a simple smile across his face as he walked past him with a sway of his hips and made his way to the other side of the bed to grab Bucky’s jeans, holding them out for him. Sighing inwardly, Bucky had to leave before he was stuck in bed all day and his parents put a hit out on him.

  


Bucky stared at himself in the mirror, fastening the last top button before he caught the reflection of one of the stylists holding up his tuxedo jacket for him from behind. He put his arms out so it was pulled on and over his shoulders fitting snug and perfect, fastening one of the front buttons, a brush moving across his shoulders. 

Old wood creaked underneath footsteps and he glanced towards his bedroom door, Winifred looking in as she put her earring on, wearing an deep red wine colored mermaid dress that swept along the floor in a long round flourish “Are you set to go?” 

He made a small noise of confirmation, tilting his head a bit away when another woman was brushing her hand through the stray strands of his styled hair trying to stop it from falling over his forehead, holding a small spray bottle, “You should have let me trim at least a little bit off.”

“Nuh uh, unless I have to cut it, you’re not allowed to touch it.”

She only frowned at him and Bucky smiled back in amusement, seeing her try her hardest not to return it, “Brat.”

His mother came in to give him a once over before dismissing the two ladies in the room, “Good, you look perfect.”

Bucky lost all fragments of composure, his face softening, “D-do you think so?”

Winifred nodded cupping his cheek, clean shaven and smooth. Bucky couldn’t help tilting his head just so to the touch, warm and soft, his eyes closing momentarily before they opened again and she slid slender fingers to his chin giving the spot a gentle squeeze. He soaked it in, selfish and needy for any grace she would extend to him feeling an unguarded smile lifting at the corners of his mouth. 

“I do. You’re going to make some lucky lady at the auction very happy.”

Everything deflated out of him, trying to stop the flare of heat rising through his face, shoulders dropping a little in surrender not even bothering to start something over that. He only nodded, lowering his eyes with an absent small sniff and she let go of him to leave the room, “Hurry and finish up whatever else you need to do, your father’s already outside.”

He nodded, watching her go warily listening as she called for Charles with the ring of a bell. He picked up his phone to check the latest text before calling Natasha. 

“We haven’t left yet James.”

“How long til you two do? I can’t deal with them already.”

Natasha’s voice softened, “What happened?”

“Nothing, same thing as always. Just, please be there soon. I have to leave them before I get in there, besides the entrance I don’t want to..”

“I know, just relax and ignore it for a few minutes. Clint just needs to get his shoes from the closet and get them on and we can get going. Where’s Johnny?”

“He said he’s almost there, not that I can hang off his arm like I can with you over there.”

“But you can be around him which is better than nothing, we may be a little late there’s traffic but we’ll be there. I’ll text you okay?”

Bucky drew in a low nervous breath, “Yeah, okay. Bye Nat.”

Silence met him and at first he thought she hung up, “Just breathe Kotyonok, once you’re at the party you’ll be fine, bye.”

Bucky checked his face, concealer and some crafty work around with one of girls covered up a good amount of the bruising he was still sporting around his face, his body carried faint traces of ache and pain but he was relatively fine, most of the swelling gone away with nothing too much to worry about. He had gotten Imogen to redress his arm and check the stitches, he didn’t really much feel anything except an occasional pang of pain if he hit it absently somewhere. 

No time like the present, turning out the door and locking it up tight, “I don’t even want to be there.”

  


“Nice tux by the way, rental? Doesn’t look like the one you own, fits you well though I may just duck out early to unwrap you." Tony let out with a flicker of brows as he watched Steve carefully through tinted sunglasses.

Steve tried not to laugh, shaking his head as he softly pressed a palm against Tony’s own scarlet tuxedo jacket, giving him a gentle push sideways inside the limo, “Don’t even start, we’re almost there.”

“I have to get it all out before I blurt something over the microphone, wouldn’t _that_ be interesting?”

“Don’t you even dare and it’s not rented, I own it.” Steve trailed off looking out as they neared the hail of cars and a small collection of security and photographers because it would never be a Stark party without them. 

“I didn’t know you bought a new tux for the occasion! Should’ve told me so you weren’t dishing out your own money for it.”

“Uh,” Steve dragged on for a moment, losing track of his mind. “I never bought it, it was a gift.”

He quietly prayed Tony didn’t need to ask _who_ the gift was from and they could leave it at that. Instead Tony lifted the sleeve of his arm, scrutinizing the detail, another hand fishing for signatures.

“Vincenzo, huh, the old guy downtown? Should have noticed.”

Steve honestly didn’t know what that meant except that Tony slumped in his seat and it was enough to give him an idea that his boyfriend wasn’t as out of the loop as he would have liked right then. How did he even know who did Bucky’s suits and tuxedos? If he put two and two together, which now he didn’t doubt, he never let on and suddenly Sam’s words echoed in his head as this being a clear example of why they needed to talk feeling dread filling him up just as Tony abruptly snapped up a smile and cleaned his glasses before putting them back on. 

He slipped a hand at the small of Steve‘s back, thumb pressing in soft light assuring circles against his coat jacket, “We’re up next babe. Let’s give ’em what they want.”

There was a mill of people making their way past light flashes and up a walk towards a villa that looked more like a mansion illuminated brightly by festive lights and sprawling lawn of decorations which was opened up to public viewing. With the mix of both going on at once, Steve felt like he was entering some level of madness trying to tamper down a tiny frown while Tony looked out alongside him grinning wildly, “Everyone’s out tonight.”

There were cameras everywhere Steve was looking when they climbed out of the car, a simple smile on his face to exude he was glad to be attending even though he could care less about the pictures and the pizazz. He liked the spirit of Christmas wherever it was, the hope to raise an incredible amount of money for the kids especially when Sam, Bucky, Thor and heck even Johnny were on the auction block tonight as well as through generous donations via party goers with deep pockets which was the job left for none other than the person he most wanted to be in the company of, Tony. 

Bright flashes and random shouts of Tony’s name overcame Steve, a wall of photographers attempting to get a good shot of his boyfriend from where they stood. Steve tried his best not to cringe or squint, his hand firmly holding on to Tony’s as they made their way through the hustle and bustle of the paparazzi. He thought eventually he would get used to the storm that were photographers but he never was, forcing his mouth to form a wider pleased smile, something warm and light as best as he could.

He could feel Tony close beside him, free hand waving around casually and grinning through lightly tinted sunglasses as he led them both along. Occasionally Steve turned to the sound of his name and he would try to give them a wider greeting in return for trying to count him in even if he didn’t want to be in the center of all this.

He was glad when he caught sight of Rhodey catching up to Tony’s other side and their movement was faster with him leading them through to the entrance with all the blinding lights left behind. 

Steve attempted to let himself relax again, his anxiety built up within trying to find a grasp of air so he could settle down. A few photographers at the door took their pictures with lanyard’s around their necks announcing themselves as press but these ones were invited to document the events of the party and weren’t as annoying as their counterparts outside.

“Just one more quick picture with your date Mr. Stark.”

Tony let go of his hand and put it around his waist, himself doing the same as they pressed closer together in their tailored tuxes and neatly swept hair. Tony sporting red and gold sneakers on his feet and it was something Steve always enjoyed. 

The party was already in full swing when they stepped along, crowds of important people mingling and wandering around the large ballroom, servers dressed in black and white holding out champagne and hors d’oeuvres on silver trays. It smelled delightfully like pine and warm apple cider which he never realized was being served until one of the servers walked by, a nostalgic feeling washing over him. 

A brass band played Christmas hits on a side stage where a couple of older couples were actually dancing along with a large five manned bar at the far corner ready for anything to come at them. At the far end there was a large stage that was empty, most likely for Tony’s speeches and the auction, next to it a giant behemoth Christmas tree sat decorated with fake snow and a multitude of glittering lights, hand crafted ornaments adorned the tree most likely made from the children at the hospital, the wall to the side held a multitude of pictures from the hospital and a representative had a table set there most likely helping with information on their goals and history. 

Round tables were adorned with Tony’s rich red and gold trim holding green wreaths and red bows with glass walled candles as center pieces. Christmas lights and garland were hung all the way around the ballroom, warm and triggering a deep seeded feeling of happiness stretched out all the way to large high hung light fixtures.

It wasn’t too long after that he first saw Grant Ward dressed in a traditional black and white tux holding two drinks in hand and making his way to Robert Pierce _and_ George Barnes. He could taste the bile wanting to rise up, watching the three of them casually standing around with some other men and holding a conversation he had no idea about.

Tony had disappeared off to get them drinks coming back just as quickly, holding out a glass for him, “What’s got you interested in those guys?”

Steve took his drink, taking one last look before gazing towards his boyfriend, “Do you know Pierce?” 

Shrugging, Tony glanced back before he scanned the rest of the crowd, “Just a stick up the ass judge. Dad knew him more than I did. Came over for dinners with him and that, I’ve never really talked to him. Why?”

Contemplating the thought, Steve shrugged, “I think Ward’s the one giving you the information. He told me he was _helping_ Judge Pierce find information on his missing son, Alex. I don’t know why, but I think maybe they’re trying to pull you into it since your dad isn’t around anymore.”

Raising his brows in surprise Tony grinned, “Well maybe I should be flattered to be indicted into the secret old men club but I’m not too interested. Just because Barnes and I have got some problems- ” 

He paused, waving off Steve’s attempt to bring up the fight again.

“ -But I’m not interested in whatever issue they have with him.”

Chewing at his lip, Steve took a small sip of his champagne trying to figure everything out, “Did you know Alex?”

“I think you missed the part about me having no interest in them babe.”

Steve shook his head, “No I mean have you ever met him before he went missing?” 

Trying to think back, Tony glanced up at the ceiling, “Nope, not really. The few times I did gave me the impression he was the apple of his dad’s eye, ivy league stuff. Between me, you and that dead, vacant look Mrs. Pierce has got while she’s sitting with the ladies, I’d say that family has a Manson vibe going on.” 

Steve would have laughed if he didn’t completely agree with Tony which only led him to feel a little depressed.

A gentle peach ballgown glittering subtly under soft sewn in gems caught the corner of his eye, turning to find Natasha approaching him in it, high at the waist and a tight embellished bodice fastened at the top. He gave her a smile, her hair delicately swept up and diamonds dangled around her neck.

“Well, you clean up nice.”

Smiling, Natasha playfully curtsied giving him a wink, “Same to you loverboy.”

“I didn’t know you were invited, it’s nice to see you.”

“It’s actually my parents, they invite me every year to attend. Clint gets free food and drink, we have a nice time.”

Steve continued to look her over, admiring the dress but overall loving how beautiful she managed to look in anything she wore, “You really do look beautiful Nat.”

Tony held a hand out not sure he would get a response but Steve appreciated him trying and Natasha gave him an understanding nod putting hers out for him, receiving a kiss to it, “Peach is appropriate, I could eat you up Romanoff and he’s not kidding, he’s in love with dresses.” 

“Don’t make me sound like a queen.”

“What?” Tony shrugged, throwing his hands out dramatically to his sides, “It’s true!” 

Steve blushed, pointing and scoffing at Tony’s eye wear, “And take those off, we’re inside.”

“Don’t pick on my sunglasses because you’re mad.”

Shuffling uncomfortably in a tuxedo was Bruce, giving Natasha a nod and a smile before turning to Steve and Tony, “Tony I know you’ve been putting this off for the past fifteen minutes but now you have to come with me to talk to the Okinawa group, the chairman is there and you know how he is.”

“Fine, fine. If I _have_ to,” He drank down the rest of his champagne, resting the glass on a passing tray, “Duty calls unfortunately.”

The both of them watched him wander off with Bruce tugging at his shirt collar and become consumed by a crowd of men and women to the side by the table settings.

The second Steve was comfortable with being out of earshot of Tony, he felt thoughts take over his mind because of the person beside him, not sure if he should.

Natasha observed him silently watching Steve's jaw work underneath a neatly trimmed beard, "So, spill it. What are you brooding about?"

Steve shook his head, blinking in surprise that he was so obvious, "Nothing. It's nothing."

Long peach manicured nails lightly tapped against the tall flute of something sparkling she was holding that wasn’t the same color as his champagne, "If it was nothing, you wouldn't look like that especially since it's evidently something I should have told you about or I'm indirectly in trouble for because I know that look."

He sighed out, giving his head a shake, “You're not in trouble even though I'm sure you wouldn't worry about me saying that to you. Just..how long has it been going on?"

Natasha's green eyes danced along the guests moving by them, one of them occasionally flashing a smile or a nod as they sipped cordially at their drinks trying to fan away any attention to them.

"How long has what been going on?"

"The grabbing and the hitting."

A small sound of recognition slipped out of her, quiet and light, "I wondered when you were going to bring that up. The grabbing, since I've known him. The hitting has only been recent, maybe the last couple of years."

Anger rippled through him not that he could do much about it. It didn't help that the answer was hollow, his eyes following George Barnes still standing around with a group of men he was sure were all well established in whatever they were into and important. 

"What are you leaving out?"

Clint came into view, moving through the crowd with a grin on his face wearing a deep dark purple tux that seemed black under certain lighting and revealing its actual color under brighter ones.

Natasha stepped forward, turning to face Steve with a smile, lipstick perfect as she looked at him with warm soft eyes, "Enough. How do you feel after getting your questions answered? The same? Leave it alone Steve, if you keep letting it eat at you to know every little detail it will destroy you. You're not the only one who's chasing a ghost."

She smiled politely again, turning just as Clint caught up with them and he twirled her around, playfully dipping her and pulling her back up planting a gentle kiss to her lips.

"Can I interest you in a dance milady?"

Natasha laughed at his wiggle of brows and nodded, slipping her arm around his, “Of course you can my little Yastreb.”

Clint glanced over with a grin, “Sorry Steve, I gotta steal my girl from you for a dance.”

Shaking his head, Steve nodded to him understanding completely giving them both a smile and a lift of his glass, “Have fun you two.”

Steve finally got a chance to see where Bucky was in the throng of people around the ballroom, laughing away beside Johnny as they stood with a group of men all telling stories about something or other. He was dressed in all black from head to toe, even his shirt, in a perfectly tailored tuxedo with hair set in a shine and a dazzling smile. Like some of the others around him he had a small white tag hanging off his front pocket with a number embossed on it that Steve already knew corresponded with his bachelor number for the auction. 

He couldn’t help staring at him, not that he was the only person. It didn’t get away from him how many people were giving him appreciative looks and glances, some that were subtle and some not so much but then he was sure you would have to have your eyes examined if you didn’t take a second to look. Not that he was sure Bucky even noticed, standing tall and lean as he laughed excitedly along with his company trying to restrain it but he could barely help himself, eyes crinkling at the corners usually entirely focused on whoever was speaking to him with his head tilted just so to catch every whisper Johnny sent him. Whatever the words, it made Bucky’s lips curl in a wide grin, and he made a halfhearted attempt at hiding it, raising the glass to his lips for another sip as he gave his friend a roll of his eyes over it. Johnny only encouraged it, gripping Bucky’s arm, mouth low and moving most likely saying something worse with a cheeky grin as Bucky’s face flushed red biting hard down against the corner of his lip in an attempt to hold himself back, hitting him weakly.

His laughter only died when they met eyes and he saw Bucky falter a little bit, a smile settling at his lips though he could see a cautiousness to him, looking around before he did it. Steve was aware of where Tony was not that he didn’t really have to look far, it was his party and he had an entourage for it so pretty much everyone was aware of where he was. He swallowed the surprise in his throat over how amazing Bucky looked, he knew he was going to look nice but he looked _damn_ nice, giving him a smile before Bucky felt one of the guys jolt him back into their conversation with a playful elbow and he watched him take another drink, reverting his eyes back to the group around him, smiling dropping away before the glass hid the fact.

Throwing an arm around Bucky’s shoulders, Johnny pulled him out of the group to walk with him through the ballroom, playfully shaking his shoulders, “Did you look at him, he was so into you he was practically drooling.”

Bucky sighed behind his glass, “Is this what you’re going to be doing all night?”

“Buck. Honestly he really loves what you’re wearing.” 

“ _I_ really love what I’m wearing.”

“Yeah but he’s probably thinking about what it’s like taking it off you.”

Bucky laughed, trying not to show the embarrassment on his face, blush flushing up his collar, “Stop.”

At least Johnny wasn't wrong about the first part of the conversation when his eyes met Steve's and had his friend whispering in his ear that Rogers looked like sex on a stick because frankly, he did. Blond hair parted neatly to one side and swept away from his boyish handsome features. He truly looked like he stepped out of some old black and white film all broad shouldered and slim hipped tucked snugly in that tuxedo he had bought him that hugged everything just right like he knew it would. Bucky had to restrain himself especially when their eyes met and Steve flashed him one his perfect smiles, something about the whole getup made Bucky want to sit up and beg for him or pin him down and tear everything off of him, whichever worked. 

He hated it. 

Johnny shrugged, the pair of them stepping outside onto the terrace, giving in for now, “So what’re you up to after this?” 

Shrugging, Bucky wasn’t exactly sure, “I guess I’ll have to see who wins me first and who wins _you_ because I’m sure you’ll be testing them out before you actually take them on the date.”

“You bet your hot little ass I will be.”

Bucky smiled, “You’re not nervous in the least? What if it’s some weirdo?”

Shaking his head, Johnny shrugged, “I don’t mind anything, even if it’s an eighty year old granny. I’m gonna show her a good time, be it playing some Gin Rummy or cleaning her house butt naked while she sits and has a cup of tea, I’m up for anything Buck.”

Bucky burst out laughing, falling against his friend, “Oh no, I couldn’t be a naked maid for some old biddy, I’d kind of feel shy, oddly enough. Like I was being rude to my Bunica’s friends or something.”

Johnny threw his arm around Bucky’s waist, “Okay first, your grandmother’s friends wouldn’t mind watching you clean in your birthday suit. And secondly you feel like that because you’re a boy scout. You’d rather help them cross streets than be objectified by ‘em. I get it, but trust me, you’re gonna be objectified by them whether you like it or not tonight.”

“Ain’t that the truth.”

  


“If you look any more like you’re a lost puppy we’re gonna have to get you up on stage just for the amount of bids you’d get for the charity auction.”

Steve snapped his eyes off his drink, immediately feeling a little better as he gazed up at Sam smiling at him dressed in a white tuxedo looking like a million bucks wearing a bachelor tag at the front of his pocket as well. Steve suddenly felt a weight lift off him and he couldn’t help throw his arms around his friend’s shoulder in a brief but thankful hug.

“It’s so good to see you Sam.”

He chuckled, “Don’t I know it. I could pick your mopey face from the crowd almost immediately. What’s up? It’s a party.”

Steve could only sigh, “Bucky hates me.”

A hand patted his shoulder gently, “He doesn’t hate you. He’s confused and conflicted. It’s not like the guy has a way to really sort out his head when he’s got people from all sides trying to do what’s best for him or what they _think_ is best for him.” 

“Yeah, I guess you’re right..it’s just bullshit.”

“I know, and I tend to be, or at least try to.”

Johnny caught sight of Sam, giving him a wave and Sam smiled back summoning him over.

“Look, now’s your chance to talk to him.”

“Sam..”

Steve couldn’t help notice the way Johnny was pulling Bucky towards them, a coil of emotion tightening up inside of him watching Bucky tuck his head down, lips moving by Johnny’s ear who only seemed to ignore him. 

“Johnny Flapjacks! How’re you doing man?”

Steve nodded politely to Johnny when blue eyes met his as he gave Sam a hug, “I’m doing great! I was wondering where you were at, excited for the auction?”

Sam poked at his number tag with a grin, “Not really but I’ve never been on stage like this before, it should be fun.”

“Aw don’t stress, I already heard some ladies calling you Sexual Chocolate as their code name for you so get ready for that.” 

He clapped a hand on Sam’s shoulder and they both shared a laugh, Steve absently laughing along with them even though he was more focused on the way Bucky hung back trying to busy himself with watching the people milling around.

Sam smiled softly, glancing at Johnny, “So hey man, I need something to drink, direct a brother.”

Steve looked at the ceiling with a roll of his eyes because you would have to be blind..

Johnny gave Sam a wink, “My pleasure, we’ll be back.”

Standing there, mouth slightly agape he watched the pair tear out of there like no ones business. He supposed he should thank them even if Bucky’s body language said otherwise loud and clear. Absently he watched him fix his cuff link, polishing it lightly against the opposite sleeve of his tuxedo.

“Hey.”

Bucky glanced up, shrugging at the way their friends took off. He dropped his arm and took another sip of champagne drawing his glass away from his mouth to really look at him, “Hey.”

Steve drew in a little breath, he wasn’t sure how Bucky managed to look boyish and innocent when earlier he looked like the devil incarnate and knew he did when he was flirting up the ladies who were interested in bidding on him while Steve was wondering who he was kidding. His body was all still and tense, more than he was a few minutes ago. Of course he knew why he just wished it wasn’t something he _had_ to do, his own hand wanting to reach out and soothe him. 

Instead he rubbed the back of his neck nervously, looking around having no idea what to really say or if he could say anything anyway. At the corner of his eye Bucky turned back to the crowd, the tension between them awkward and listless.

Steve stared back at him, “You look amazing by the way.”

Bucky’s fingers fumbled with his glass and he brought his free hand up to cup the bottom of it, brows going up in surprise turning to look back at him.

“I um..thank you,” A smile grew across his lips, color flourishing across his cheeks while he went back to looking at the crowd, “You do too.” 

“How are you enjoying the party?”

Bucky glanced at him again like he told a silly joke, taking a small thoughtful sip before he shrugged a shoulder, “I’m not sure, boring I guess as I figured it was going to be. Half of me wished the auction was happening sooner rather than later honestly.”

“Maybe but you got ladies interested in you, the more time you got working on them, the more you’re going to make for charity no matter what your parents really set you up for. You’re doing it for kids in the long run and they have a better chance with you near the end.”

Bucky studied him, a twitch of his lip going up, “So, you _were_ watching me a lot more than I guessed.”

“You knew I was,” Steve let out, laughing as he did, “I miss us hanging out.”

Contemplating on what to exactly say, they were both cut short at the arrival of some artists that Steve had started speaking to since Bucky’s parent’s party. Greeting them politely, the brunette pulled himself away but not before resting a hand against Steve’s arm comfortingly, giving it a squeeze before he took off towards the restrooms. Steve watched him go, a tenderness across his face before he was pulled back into the conversation about his upcoming show that they were excited about seeing.

A few minutes was all he managed when he felt an arm tug at him and Tony at the other end of it, pulling him aside and he looked back to everyone gesturing that he would be back.

“Okay, I’m walking with you, you can let go of my arm now. What do you need Tony?”

When he finally stopped, he looked at Steve with all seriousness, raising his brows slightly, “Do you mind being a little aware of your face when you talk to Barnes, at least here?” 

Steve coughed into his fist, trying his best not to look absolutely amazed, “You have got to be kidding me.”

“I shouldn’t have to catch you making heart eyes at the one guy you know I can’t trust around you.”

Bucky froze the second he came out of the small alcove for the restrooms and found Tony way too close for comfort and apparently talking heatedly to Steve, stepping back towards where he came from not wanting to walk into anything but nowhere to go to avoid everything.

“Oh, here we go. He doesn’t mean anything to me Tony, he’s just my friend and we can’t keep having this conversation because you’re getting redundant.”

“ _I’m_ getting redundant? Me? Maybe if you kept your eyeballs in your sockets instead of looking over Barnes like a long lost lover I might not have to repeat myself to you over and over again!”

“Keep your voice down, that’s all you’re going to need is for people to hear you at your own party and start talking. Bucky isn’t like that for me, he never will be. I would never choose him over you and you know that. Why do you keep drudging it up?” 

“Because I seem to have to remind you who you’re with. I have a right after catching you practically pressing into him in that hallway.”

Sighing as he pinched the bridge of his nose, Steve shook his head at Tony, “You need to let that go, I thought we were over this. It was nothing you have to worry about. He’s not important and we need to focus on us Tony.”

Tony sighed, catching himself and shaking his head like he was trying to knock something out of himself, “I know, I know. I’m sorry. I just feel worked up tonight, more so than usual because of all this and then see you looking at him and what he did. I just..keep seeing red. I just, instead of keeping it all in like usual, I feel like yelling and being upset when I think about everything.”

Bucky bowed his head listening, blinking a few times because even though he knew what Steve said made sense it didn't stop the digging pain. He didn't know what he expected, inhaling a deep breath before blowing it out slowly. He made his way around the corner and as expected the both of them stopped and looked his way. Bucky did what he could, ignoring their presence completely and passing by them like he was ignorant to the conversation they were having except Bucky's gaze went to Steve for a fraction of a second, lashes framing and hooding such an innocent gesture but it was all in his eyes, Steve knew exactly what it meant. 

He had heard everything.

Steve watched Bucky shift his gaze down, trying his best to hide the disappointment before he pushed through the crowd and he disappeared, Steve eventually saw him again at the doors leading out to the balcony opening one up and disappearing outside.

If he wasn’t sure Bucky hated him before, he was sure he hated him now. Picking Tony over him first during a fight, that was understandable..eventually..but trying to mend shaky ground with him telling Bucky over and over again to do what he wanted, to make a choice that Brock wasn’t making for him and yet pushing him when he was down by making it loud and clear to Tony that Bucky didn’t matter in any shape or form while he was overhearing it? He wasn’t making ground if he was making Bucky feel unwanted as his friend. It made him feel like, what had Bucky used before? _A bag of dicks_. It seemed appropriate now. He deserved feeling that way too, drinking down the last of his champagne not entirely sure of what to do anymore. This was all so confusing to him.

“Well that didn’t look good.” Johnny piped up beside him and Steve had no idea how long he had been standing there turning his head to watch the brunette smirking a little and taking a sip of his own glass of champagne. Tony had walked off somewhere already and he was now standing beside Johnny of all people. 

Steve shook his head, finally able to see his boyfriend entertaining some older couples that he was sure were for better donations. 

“I think I’m an idiot.” 

Before Johnny could put in his own two cents on that Steve pushed himself through the crowd muttering out excuse mes as politely as he could without making too much of a scene over bursting through between people holding private conversations. 

Out on the balcony Bucky was staring out at the city skyline with his elbows on the rail and his hands lightly clasped together, his head slowly turning up to look at the stars. Steve followed his gaze up, a million perfect little white lights staring down at the both of them and he knew Bucky hadn’t picked up on it being him there yet. 

He sidled up beside him, curling his hands against the rail bar staring at the city lights across the way from the overlook of the residence on the high hillside, “Look, I’m sorry for taking Tony’s side again.”

Out of the corner of his eye he saw Bucky turn to glance over at him before turning to look at the skyline again.

“It’s okay Steve, you were just doing what you have to do.”

That only managed to make Steve feel worse, the defeated sound of Bucky’s voice practically tearing into him. He did deserve it, he was sure of that glancing at Bucky before he made the decision to step in closer effectively resting his hand against Bucky’s.

“ _Steve_.” Warning laced in the immediate snap of his voice though he never pulled his hand away.

Bucky was right, squeezing fingers and letting his palm linger along the back of his hand and feel out the smooth softness he missed before he drew away entirely as much as he hated it. He wanted to keep it there, stay and curl his fingers between Bucky’s and hold on. He wanted to make everything right again between them, he wanted..a lot right then, but it was so very inappropriate with the many variables dancing around them. He was sure he saw a camera on the deck anyway, folding his arms over his chest to lean his elbows against the rail, looking down below in silence. Even if there wasn’t that, there was the Bucky’s parents somewhere around, Tony, photographers, hell there were enough people that would question why he was holding Bucky’s hand when he came in holding Tony’s. 

“Bucky..I..” 

He stopped when Bucky straightened himself up, shaking his head, “I can’t Steve. Not tonight. I still have to deal with pimping myself out for the auction and I don’t wanna be doing this with you right now. I don’t need you following me around to see if I’m upset or angry, I just came to get some air.”

Refusing to wait for a response Bucky shuffled back towards the door, returning to the party.

Sharp eyes caught him before he could even look up after emerging back inside, the splash of his mother’s dress coming into view before her hand took his arm to pull him aside.

“James, are you set to go up on stage? I’ve been hearing a lot of interest about you all through the night.”

Bucky felt like retorting but fell back on silence, letting her groom and fix whatever suited her fancy. Steve stepped back inside a few seconds later, Winifred’s eyes catching his before going back to making sure Bucky was presentable and he made a quick getaway.

“I didn’t know you were out there with him.”

Clicking his tongue in annoyance, Bucky shook his head, “We were just talking.”

“If you two could just calm yourselves for five minutes especially _here_ of all places- ”

Pulling his head away in frustration as she was trying to adjust his bow tie, Bucky scowled, “He’s not like Johnny, don’t talk about him like that, actually don’t even talk about Johnny like that either. Like I told dad, I have no interest in Steve. Neither of you have to worry about it, you both made it quite clear where I should stand with being interested in another guy..you more than father but that’s _fine_. He wants me to step up and take the reins, and you want me to be bought and fall in love with them because it makes all the sense in the world. Let’s hope tonight you get your wish.” 

He stormed away before she could say anything else backwards, frustrated at the current position everyone seemed to be forcing him into. He tried looking for Clint and Natasha, eventually finding them both slow dancing together and something in his heart settled, smiling absently as he observed them looking happy and much too sweet on each other to interrupt.

He let himself be distracted, not realizing two people he had no interest in speaking to tonight flank him at his right, his breath catching in his throat when he first caught Ward in his line of sight and then Pierce beside him smiling though it looked too sharp and chilling to be friendly.

“James, how nice to finally get you alone to talk. You’ve been so busy speaking to everyone else Grant and myself hadn’t been able to catch you.”

His pulse was picking up as he scrambled to say something, opening his mouth and fumbling over words as panic washed over him feeling like he was about to be backed in a corner. He didn’t hear short clipped footsteps coming up behind him. He did however, see the sneer Ward was wearing drop drastically, a warm familiar comforting hand pressed to the small of Bucky’s back, a tickle of breath by his ear, “ _Breathe_.”

It was all collectively only a few seconds but Bucky found himself regulating his breathing as Steve dropped his hand away and straightened himself up with a smile, nodding politely to Judge Pierce, “Good to see you again Sir.”

Bucky’s walls crumbled for Steve, fighting hard not to hold onto him, grasp and press tight like he was the only pillar to keep him standing. He focused himself on calming down, his anxiety skirting just at the edges of him.

“Steven, you never got back to me about your work and now I hear you have a gallery show coming up near New Years.”

Steve stuttered for a second not used to news getting out so fast at least out of the immediate art circle. He only lost himself when he caught the looks Bucky and Grant were giving each other, both stiff and tense but neither obviously stupid enough to say or act out of place. 

“Yes Sir, I do apologize for that.” He couldn’t help running his gaze between the elder Pierce and Grant Ward, both dressed in fine cut tuxedos and Ward, aside from the obvious signals of aggression towards Bucky, was relatively relaxed and calm in normal guise. He definitely wasn’t lying about Judge Pierce and the idea of possibly being under his wing because of his missing son. The situation carried so many layers he was feeling overwhelmed already. 

“I had planned to,” He continued, returning to look at the man, “But Mr. Barnes had gotten the ball moving and gave me a chance to start having my work shown. Since then I’ve been busy on a few pieces as well as being on top of my actual job. I should have let you know.”

Judge Pierce waved a hand dismissively, “Oh not to worry, though if you had gotten back to me I could have possibly set something up for you instead of George.”

Smiling graciously, Steve nodded agreeably, “My apologies Sir, it had just happened so quickly. I would love to have you attend if you had time in your busy schedule.”

He smiled sharply, glancing to Ward, “We may be able to figure something out, perhaps you will see us thank you for the extended invitation.”

“It would be an honor to have you both.” 

Steve wanted to puke.

Turning to look at Bucky trying his best to look small, Pierce raised a curious brow, “And you, James. How was your trip overseas?” 

He smiled thinly and Steve’s eyes darkened, his body shifting to straighten up a little, a foot moving just ever so slightly to take the adjustment of his weight so he was effectively ready to step in front and protect Bucky with his entire body and strength in no mood to play this game. If he was pushed, he’d throw all his cards down, but for now he seemed like he had barely positioned himself to look like he was doing anything different, his arm only brushing Bucky’s.

Bucky swallowed thickly, holding his head up with an air about him, “It was informative Judge Pierce. It gave me a new outlook on what my father and what the company did there, I’m currently considering taking up the head after my parents step down contrary to what I had said otherwise prior.”

Steve’s head snapped so fast to look at Bucky but his friend refused to look back.

Genuine surprise flashed across Pierce’s stony face, returning to how it was originally in record time, “Really?”

Bucky had caught enough, shoulders losing some tension as he nodded almost like he was full of pride, “Yes. It was a real eye opener. I was surprised at how at ease I was out there.”

Looking a little surprised, Steve was torn between calling Bucky out when they were gone and laughing at how the older man was looking, clearly not expecting Bucky to be so at relaxed over it. It seemed him and Grant both seemed to relish in making Bucky squirm if they could do it.

“Well, I’m glad to hear of it. Good for you James, I’m sure you’ll be a fine addition but as I had said earlier, we wanted to get a moment of your time and should get back to our table. Good evening gentleman.”

Ward smirked, glancing at Steve in amusement, “I had fun talking last time, we should do it again _real_ soon.”

Steve said nothing in return, Bucky watching him carefully before he shook his head, irritated and evidently affected by the unwelcomed approach, turning to look and pinpoint where everyone was at around the place.

Steve was still reeling about Bucky’s admission, knew first hand how he was unhappy through most of it and even if it was an act he could hear a ring of truth around it grabbing Bucky’s arm and pulling at it so he was facing him.

Bucky startled, staring at Steve in surprise.

“When were you going to tell me?” He whispered out in a low hiss, narrowing eyes, hot breath dancing along his skin.

Bucky frowned, tugging his arm free with a sharp yank away from him, “ _Don’t_ handle me like that here, do you want my father to catch you?” 

A self depreciating smile flashed across his face, “It may be highly hypocritical of him, but he tends to not like his property damaged if he can help it.”

Steve shook his head, “Buck."

Glancing at the ground as if there was something more important to look at than what was in front of him he only ignored Steve’s plea, “And don’t even get me started on your _boyfriend_ , who’s been watching us since the whole conversation with Pierce started. All you’d need is a pap camera catching you acting like an absolute jackass.”

Steve immediately raised his eyes to look around, finding that indeed Tony was occasionally looking in their direction through a herd of people all around trying to talk to him. Steve hadn’t even noticed. His eyes returning to watch in silence as Bucky fixed his coat sleeve.

“Bucky.”

Eye rolls and a haughty expression met him, “What?”

“Please don’t tell me you were serious. You were miserable in Germany.”

Shaking his head, Bucky glanced around before laying eyes on him again, “I was only thinking about it and figured if I ran it my way it may not be so bad.”

“This is what he offered you, isn’t it? To _consider_ forming your life around what he’s wanted you to do since before you were born.”

“I never promised him anything. You’re overreacting.”

“Do you really think so? This is what I meant when I said he was going to do something. This is exactly what I was afraid of.”

Rolling his eyes, Bucky checked around them, “Keep your voice down Steve. What’s wrong with you tonight?”

“What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with _you_? You said you never wanted to do the hotel thing, you _told_ me while you were there, I could _hear_ it in your voice. What changed?”

Grey blue eyes stared into him, “Dad said doing things my way was good all around for everyone. He _acknowledged_ that I did well and offered that if I was interested he wouldn’t mind the company being run like that. Weren’t _you_ the one saying I could do that and hire someone to do all the dirty work?”

It was true, Steve had, “Yeah but, that’s not you. It was never you. You’re not made for the corporate world, you deserve more.”

“Well I never thought for once you and Ward would be talking with each other after you keep expressing how much you want to break his legs or other body parts but here we are.”

“I was just asking him questions. He showed up at Thor’s place before he got kicked out, told me he was working with Judge Pierce.”

“Well we can obviously see that now.”

Steve felt like he was speaking to a brick wall. He understood, he did. Bucky was never at his best when Pierce was around especially not when his mother came into play and he was sure she said something useless to him prior. He wholly understood Bucky’s hostility seeping into every orifice, he just didn’t want it to. 

Except, what could he really do? Eyes were on them from multiple people and almost all of them would never take it the right way. 

“Buck, just let me in. Please.” His request was small, meager coming out in a low whisper where no one even standing close would hear it but Bucky heard; he heard so very clearly, sharp features filled with cautious expressions quickly became lost and mildly perplexed.

Steve raised a hand; painstakingly careful, a tremble of hesitation in his fingers as he moved them forward at Bucky’s lapel before he paused and pale grey eyes stared at him with an expression he couldn’t entirely pinpoint. Something meek and soft, like Bucky’s whole entire being, walls down despite so many traps set around the both of them. A hint of a smile teased out of him, vulnerable and open like Bucky was because it was what they always did to each other and it was ultimately too strong to break.

His fingers drifted along the smooth sleek fabric across his heart, the pads of two digits lightly tapping the space unconsciously before they slipped away, “I’m sorry.”

Bucky tilted his head, “For what?”

“Everything, in general..” He shook his head, “For everything tonight. Everything. For me, for your need for self preservation, for every damn person around us. _Everything_.”

Steve felt his heart swell when he was met with a genuine warm smile, delicate with just a touch of shyness that splashed a hint of pink across Bucky’s cheekbones.

“I’m sorry for snapping at you Stevie.”

“It’s fine, I don’t mind.”

Slowly a glint of mischief crossed Bucky’s eyes, “Oh yes, you love punishments. I forgot.”

Steve coughed out a laugh, shaking his head as he glanced away trying to brush off the comment. He saw Sam and Johnny linking arms and marching straight for them, Thor close behind and all of them with grins that looked a little too loose for comfort but at least they were walking straight. 

“Come on Buck, they’re gonna start getting all the bachelors touched up and everything in the back.”

“Oh! I forgot.” He easily tucked his hand against the crook of Johnny’s offered arm and extending his free hand out, flapping it at Thor who grinned and promptly offered Bucky his arm so they were all in a chain. Turning back to smile at Steve, Bucky shrugged, “I guess I’ll see you later huh?”

Steve grinned back, “If you manage to get away from whoever wins you I suppose.”

“You could always bid on me Stevie.” Bucky drawled out, dipping his head in a way where he looked through lowered lashes looking too tempting for his own good and Steve had to hold still mentally slapping himself for even thinking about his bank account.

He forced out a laugh trying to really get it out of his head, “With a starting bid of five hundred, you’re worth it Buck but I couldn’t afford going toe to toe with some of the ladies I’ve overheard already hatching plans to take you on a date.”

The blood rushed to Bucky’s cheeks and Johnny gave him a light tug as Sam and Thor waited with knowing smirks and shared looks across their lips watching Steve try his best to contain his lack of chill with wanting to keep Bucky beside him.

Thor cleared his throat loudly, “Well, we shall see you during our time on the stage Steven, goodbye!”

Nodding, Steve smiled helplessly as Bucky tucked his face away feeling nervousness beginning to kick in, slipping his hand from Johnny’s arm to wiggle his fingers in a small wave finally allowing the bachelor train take him off to the back rooms.

  


“Sold! For forty five hundred to the ever so gorgeous Miss' York, those muscles don’t disappoint you do they Thor?”

Thor flashed a smile at Tony, a round of applause for the end of that bidding war as he caught the eye of his lady fair with a polite smile and delightful bow before he strolled off the stage much to dislike of swooning women in the audience. 

Clasping and unclasping his hands behind the curtain, Bucky sucked in a deep breath before someone gestured for him to go ahead. He was out on the stage before he even registered it in his brain. Legs moving him with grace and absolute confidence, a large bright smile across his face as he gave a playful wave to the crowd standing himself front and center of the stage with Tony to the right of him holding a microphone and their information cards.

He could finally see the girls that were a bit loud over the clapping during Thor's auction, all of them looking at him now and collectively whispering, a couple of them making noise in his direction, the spotlights overhead felt warm. Clint and Natasha smiled at him from near the front, Clint giving him an eager thumbs up while Natasha subtly gestured a hand before her chest and softly swept it up telling him to breathe and he did so, collecting himself.

“Next up for bid is bachelor number nine, James Buchanan Barnes. Heir to the Hubbard line of hotels all over Europe and slowly making it’s way across the ocean,” Tony paused with a quirk of a slick smile, “Seriously Barnes if you find your soulmate through this auction you owe me the presidential suite when one opens up in New York.”

Bucky glanced to the side of him, matching the smirk as he nodded, giving out a playful wink on top of it to the billionaire as Steve leaned against the marble pillar listening to the crowd of laughter. He had to admit even he thought they were good actors. 

“He likes swimming, cooking, animals..he’s a sculptor ladies and you know what they say about a man with good hands huh?” Tony wiggled his brows, grinning as he played it up for everyone.

Bucky tried to keep a straight face, back teeth pinching the side of his cheek as a wave of amused giggles, from _mainly_ women, rolled through the audience.

“I have it under good authority that if you win him, this guy actually does like long walks on the beach at night so I don’t know about you all out there but considering he’s got a private plane, I would definitely keep that in mind when somewhere around the world it's night time on the beach at any given moment.”

There was more laughter and Bucky made a show of it, turning to Tony and grinning wide like he wanted to keep some of his secrets still secrets but shrugging helplessly that the _truth_ was out of the bag.

“Alright, let’s get this show on the road. Starting bid is five hundred ladies and gents, remember once again all proceeds to straight to the Children’s hospital so open those wallets for a free meal, maybe a trip to Paris? Who knows, just getting some time to spend with this handsome devil and to help sick kids at the same time win for everyone!”

“One thousand!” A hand shot up, a woman in center called out immediately.

“Two!”

"We’re at two thousand, do I hear a twenty five?”

“Twenty five!” A lady called from the back, Bucky flashed a smile nodding her direction, his eyes nervously glancing quietly at Steve watching him with a beer in hand, leaning against a pillar. 

“Do I hear three thousand?”

An older cougar raised her hand, Bucky’s eyes meeting hers and she smiled at him with a wink, he broke out a grin as he shook his head, stupidly amused as he remembered Johnny’s earlier comment to him about cleaning in the nude.

Tony smirked, “Well Barnes looks like you’re starting a bidding war like Thor, I guess there’s a Merry Christmas happening for these kids after all.”

The gathered group broke out into a low rumble of laughter and applause, Bucky smirking at Tony before undoing the one button of his tuxedo coat to hold it open and give the crowd a playful twirl to show himself off, smooth and slick, licking his lips when he was away from the crowd smiling proudly when he was staring back out to the front.

A girl in a long red dress raised her hand as she stood excitedly on the balls of her feet around a group of gathered ladies, “Four!”

Pointing immediately at her, Tony turned his finger to Bucky, “We got four thousand!”

“Anyone else want to beat four thousand? Come on ladies, I know you’re all aching to get a chance with him!”

“Ten thousand.”

“Oh no.” Bucky let out under his breath before he could help himself, turning his head to the edge of the crowd. He knew that voice too well, there were way too many nights alone with him to not recognize it.

Tony gaped for a second on stage, not sure how to approach another bachelor bidding on another but he suddenly shrugged, “Hey, a bid’s a bid right everyone? Johnny Storm with ten thousand going once!”

Bucky couldn’t help the red blooming across his cheeks. Johnny’s mother way in the back of the room, with his own mother, was currently trying to tear her way to her son most likely to convince him to retract his bid. Tony saw it too and money for children was more important than the wrath of Storm’s mother.

“Going twice,” He blinked for a second with a hand raised before swinging it out towards Johnny, “Sold to Johnny Storm for ten thousand dollars! Those kids are lucky they got an impulsive guy like you on their side Storm.”

Johnny grinned wide, saluting Tony with a nod and a raise of his champagne glass, looking towards Bucky as he was moving himself off the stage while an applause rang out through the ballroom, Sam following after him on stage clapping himself and giving Johnny playful finger guns with a wink before Johnny moved to the side of the stage beside Bucky.

“I can’t believe you bid on me you lunatic! Your mom’s going to kill you.”

Still smiling, Johnny looked towards the movement in the crowd catching the color of his mothers dress and gently shoved Bucky towards the back of the stage area, “She’s already heading this way go take five while I get my cute face ready for her.”

Bucky rolled his eyes before getting out of harms way, he was sure he was going to get the third degree from his mom in a bit anyway trying to see if he somehow convinced Johnny to outbid all the women but she knew Johnny enough to know Johnny did what he liked when he liked which was why Bucky didn’t worry too much about him getting in trouble. Besides, everyone would take the situation as some attention seeking joke Johnny pulled out from left field and just laugh about it; the money went to a good cause and no one really worried about the implication. Bucky _was_ notably one of his good friends and they still acted like thirteen year old’s so it wasn’t like he just outed James Barnes even if his mom most likely stood to the side and suffered three consecutive heart attacks from Jo’s little episode.

When he was hidden away from all the congrats in the back room and the amusement, he breathed out slowly, falling against the wall and soon he felt the smile cross his face. He was so happy he had Jo, as abrupt as it was, he wasn’t sure he could deal with taking a someone on a date that paid for it like that as helpful as he wanted to be. He wasn’t sure what they would expect or if he actually had to prostitute himself. He knew that wasn’t what was expected but he was nervous, not sure if all of that was a guideline and people actually expected to get some sex out of it. Bucky didn’t want to disappoint his parents, but he also didn’t want to sleep with a strange woman. Johnny fixed everything and he couldn’t have been more grateful.

Steve blinked, his mind barking at him to breathe not even realizing he had stopped. Of course that’s what was going to happen. Set the spotlight on Johnny Storm and watch him make Steve Rogers jealous because he was. He so definitely was, watching the spectacle from a safe distance while his mind played back a wet dream he had prior to tonight that happened about the same way Storm had just done it. Except in his dream he did the surprise bid and was taking Bucky home, stripping him of every piece of clothing while his mouth was covering him with kisses all the while Bucky was emitting the sweetest noises as he begged Steve not to stop. 

He had to stick himself under the cold water for a lot longer than he usually did that day.

He blinked a few times trying to push it all out of his head, restless and not even sure what to do with himself. He dragged a hand over his face, groaning softly as Tony got the crowd’s attention back to him so he could introduce Sam and wrap up the auction on a fun note.

  


The rest of the night after all the excitement was boiled down to dancing and midnight cocktails and desserts. Steve had left Tony to his hosting duties while he wandered around. He had lost track of everyone he knew, even Sam. The last thing he had mentioned was clicking with the lovely girl that won him in the auction and that he offered himself to dance with her for the evening. 

Steve was roaming down one of the many corridors when he heard Bucky’s distinct laughter in one of the welcoming side rooms. An easy automatic smile graced his lips, moving to go see, perhaps say hi and leave again and only froze when he also heard Johnny joining in with Bucky. Instead of interrupting, he carefully peeked inside, curious.

The room looked like it was a music room prior to the garland and wreathes on the wall and with a lit up decorated tree in the corner. Instruments sat to the side with a large black piano in the center of the room. Johnny sat down on the bench beside Bucky, lightly pressing down on one ivory key, then another playing a small little children’s nursery rhyme before stopping. 

Bucky looked over at him quietly, giving him a small smile. 

“Play something with me Buck.”

Fingers barely danced along the sleek surface, tingling at the touch of familiarity, “I haven’t played in a couple of years. I also didn’t know you knew how to play the piano.”

Jo shifted closer so they were both in the center of the bench, thighs sitting snug together, “Piano, guitar, bass, drums and if I remember grade five then also the recorder.”

“I think everyone knows how to play the recorder.”

“Oh yeah? What about the harmonica?”

Bucky scoffed, testing out the keys absently, “The harmonica? Really?”

Puffing out his chest, Johnny grinned, “I’m gifted and besides, it’s good for entertaining.”

“You gonna play it for me while you’re naked in bed?”

“If that’s what you want, Sweets.”

Steve watched Bucky smile at Johnny, taking in the moment to soak in the almost childlike appearance he took on as Johnny pulled back just enough to watch him encouragingly. Bucky raised hesitant fingers up, slow but curious when he almost touched white, wincing abruptly like someone suddenly burned him. He swallowed and hazarded a glance at Jo who shifted a little on the bench to ghost fingers along Bucky’s, seemingly warming him through.

Bucky bit at his bottom lip eyes fixated and Steve leaned at the propped door a bit. Johnny nodded, pads of his fingers stroking the back of his and eventually curious long slender fingers pressed into the keys, smooth and fluid like he was molding them to his touch, the way they moved across like he was stroking each note confused Steve, he didn’t understand what he was seeing. 

Johnny leaned in to whisper something, pressing an affectionate kiss at the lobe of Bucky’s ear and drawing back just enough to nuzzle the tender skin. The beginning notes of Moonlight Sonata began to play and from the angle Steve could see something flicker in Bucky, something came back to him while playing, Johnny’s arm going around Bucky’s waist. 

Bucky’s fingers caressed keys like he was touching someone intimately, his palms ghosting along as they slid upwards to strike notes before flowing back down to hit ivory, thumbs moving parallel but quick while fingers took their time sauntering along slow and calculated through the stream of white and black.

“He’s classically trained you know.”

Steve jumped, Natasha giving him a subtle knowing look as she watched Bucky play from the corridor next to him.

Eventually Steve nodded to her, “He told me once that he played, or well used to play but stopped.”

She confirmed it with a small tilt of her head, “He probably said he hated it but I think when you would look at his face he doesn’t hate it as much as he advertises like other things he says he dislikes even though you know otherwise.”

Steve agreed, knowing a few of those things she meant. They both caught the tune changing to something more livelier, Natasha gathering up her dress when Clint caught up to her and a fond smile appeared on his face when he saw who was at the piano.

“Kotyonok, what are you playing?” Natasha let out, pushing past Steve and he dove into the hallway so Bucky didn't see him, part of her glittery peach colored ballgown dancing along the polished dark hardwood floor as she moved to sit at Bucky's other side, squishing into the small amount of space on the bench. 

Bucky looked up at her after spying Clint and smiling at him, “Trying to remember how to play Sonatine.”

The composition seemed too slow, a little clunky and off beat but he was getting the hang of it, fingers moving a bit faster the more he got used to it.

Johnny gave his hip a squeeze, “See? You’re a natural Barnes. Those fingers don’t forget.” 

A hum escaped Bucky, continuing to play as he lost himself in his concentration, Natasha standing and putting her hand out for Clint to take the spot she had, gentle hands guiding her to sit on his lap before he was patting the soft beat against her dress skirt, Johnny resting his head against Bucky’s shoulder.

It was a cold feeling, something crawling up his spine and leaving his flesh goose pimpled and shivering. He wondered if he was always going to be like this now, outside looking in. Even with his jeopardized but most likely still safe title as a best friend he wasn’t sure Bucky would really need him after all this. Bucky was better, he was _saner_ without him. If anything maybe Brock was right about some things, there were events that wouldn’t have happened if he hadn’t existed in his world.

His head snapped up when Bucky struck the wrong note, emitting a loud off key sound and he started laughing, shaking his head at his fingers as if he was silently lecturing them before he continued and Steve couldn’t help that fond smile again. This was also _Bucky_. Who showed him things and believed in things Steve never thought about or perhaps didn’t want to think about. The same being who took small insignificant things and cherished them like small precious gems and smiled even if the world didn’t want to smile back at him. 

Steve knew he wanted to be there, he wanted to stand between Bucky and the world, he wanted to always smile back at him so his friend didn’t have to rely on the world again.

But..was he entirely allowed to? He wasn’t sure anymore. Taking one last peek inside the ballroom and exhaling under his breath, he didn’t miss the clear sight of the physical bubble Bucky was placed in with so much care by the people around the room and even some not there. He never missed it, it was just slowly becoming a lot more clearer the more he listened and paid attention.

He dropped his gaze pushing off the large propped door and turning to go back to the main ballroom. He was in love and even if he didn’t know how strong it was, his heart kept breathing more life into it and he wasn’t sure if all he was doing down this road was hurting himself, Tony and most importantly Bucky.

  
_**Buckywucks:**_ We’re watching movies, come over.  
_**Buckywucks:**_ If you want I mean. 

Steve stood before the brownstone’s steps. His breath puffing out in soft clouds as his coat hugged tightly around his chest, a thick dark scarf tucked around his neck. He could see through the front window's first layer of drawn curtains that bodies were moving around inside, Christmas lights were lit around a large tree glittering at the corner and yet he stood and contemplated, tail tucked between his legs and the phone pressed into his palm.

He didn’t even hear when the front door opened and then closed again, the shuffle of shoes at the landing breaking his eyes away only to see Bucky standing there with a soft gaze and an even softer partial smile, brows drawn almost sympathetically and Steve’s fingers twitched, begging for paper and pencil to work.

“Are you trying out to be a Popsicle? It’s cold.”

Bucky’s voice was unsure, eyes gazing at him then looking away up into the amazingly cloud free black sky. His fingers tried fastening the buttons together on his peacoat, mittens over his hands and a scarf around his neck, a ski hat protecting his head. It was a contrast to the powder blue pajama bottoms he wore, happy little white sheep leaping around his long legs. He cursed under his breath as he fought to beat the cold chill without taking off the mitts and Steve approached the base of the steps, “Come here.”

Bucky paused, smoothing covered palms over his coat before dropping them away. He stepped down and stood before him and Steve reached over to fasten the remaining buttons and tuck his black scarf in tight.

“Thank you.”

Steve smiled slightly though Bucky didn’t see, avoiding eye contact and he didn’t blame him. Steve could never really blame him for anything he supposed. Even when Bucky was wrong, his heart was always in the right place and it was something Steve’s mind never let him forget. 

“I panicked,” He finally admitted looking back at the window, the living room lights were off finally, the television flashing distorted images and Christmas lights dancing about around the space. “Why I didn’t answer you, why you never really saw me after Johnny made that huge show of winning the auction for you. I just decided to focus on Tony’s night and keep my distance. I didn’t want to get in the way of the other people around you that really cared for you.”

“I feel guilty for making things worse all over, this past week has been wrong on so many levels and when we first spoke again back a few months ago we were never supposed to align like that. I was supposed to be another safe spot, a friend you could count on. Instead, even with what I can offer, I gave you pain as well.”

Bucky stared at him, curious but not sure if Steve was saying more than he was letting on. Did he know? There was no way he was going to test it, he wasn’t going to risk accidentally revealing his feelings in case he didn’t know but the emotion in his voice, all Bucky wanted was to hear him tell him so.

“I’m sorry Buck.”

Bucky only nodded, surmising to himself that it wasn't what he thought and moved around Steve, stepping out towards the sidewalk before he gazed back at him, “Hot chocolate?”

“What?”

“I want hot chocolate, would you like to come with me?”

A relieved smile crossed Steve’s lips finally clicking to the coffee shop at the end of the street. He nodded quickly and joined him, tucking his bare hands deep into his pockets making a space for his elbow to stick out as he gently nudged Bucky in silence. He watched him turn to look before he stared out ahead again, arm soon slipping through the space to hook together with his and Steve smiled wider to himself, satisfied while he tightened in to pull Bucky closer to his side as they walked in the cold dark.

As chilly as it was outside, Steve liked it out here especially when it was a weekday and the hour had rolled in for most people to be inside their homes and cozied up leaving the streets silent save for the slight wind getting caught in several nooks and crannies. He took a sip of his coffee feeling the warmth roll through him, calm and comforting though with his company he was sure he could accomplish that without the beverage. He glanced over at Bucky staring up at the sky, his eyes practically shining towards it, looking at the full moon so large and bright. The sky was clear and sharp, he was amazed at how many stars they were actually able to see considering where they lived.

“Jesus, if it wasn't so damn cold I would just sleep under this.”

Steve chuckled softly, their slow casual walk along the jogging path at the park was nice though a cool air occasionally threatened his face from time to time, nose reddening deeper at every assault. He pulled his scarf and collar tighter around his neck, glancing over at Bucky to see if he was still wrapped tight. His black scarf tied snug around his neck, the black wool beanie with a red star tucked around his head tight with his accompanied set of black mitts that he mentioned while they ordered were made by Imogen last year currently holding a to-go cup of hot chocolate in front of his mouth. 

They paused at one of the benches and Steve needed a second, his mind racing a mile a minute when a different idea crossed his thoughts. He sat himself down, body feeling tense and in need to expel information but he was sure he couldn’t do it, he _shouldn’t_ do it. With all that happened, he wasn’t sure of _what_ he should do he just wanted to explain to Bucky what was happening in his own head even though instincts told him no while his impulses told him to jump.

Steve huffed softly, more to himself than anything. His eyes glanced over at Bucky sitting on the bench beside him, staring in some kind of innocent awe at the black inky sky. It was beautiful, it was. It was just that he needed to tell him, he needed to know. He leaned back comfortably, sipping at his coffee again. He tried to calm his nerves, that jittery over anxious electricity running through him was maddening. 

Bucky had rested a hand along the wooden bench between them. Steve sucked in a mouthful of air, exhaling it through his lips and nose silently. Almost hesitating, he brought his hand out, a slight twitch of nervous fingers before meeting surprising warmth seeping out of his mitten.

Bucky didn't look over but he held on, their hands clasping together tightly. He hadn’t noticed Steve watching him for a little while as he was sipping his hot chocolate eventually realizing eyes on him, turning with a smile giving Steve’s hand a squeeze, “What’s going on? You’ve been more quiet than usual.” 

The blond frowned softly, he was trying hard not to make anything noticeable in case he flaked out. He figured he was doing quite well. 

He tilted his head curiously at him, “Wait, I hope you don’t tell me you’re dying or something.” 

Steve knew it was supposed to be a joke, he tried to smile at it, he was pretty sure it came out as a pained grimace over his face after Bucky’s smile withered away to just confusion. 

“No Buck, I’m not dying. I just,” God he felt like such a tool. “I think..”

_I like you..no I know I like you, a lot. I keep dreaming about you. I’m sorta kinda in love with you, not crazy but enough that it’s driving me a little crazy.._

He sighed, “You look nice today.”

Bucky couldn’t hold back his mirth, a brow raised curiously as he stretched out one leg to look at his pajama pants and Steve could only laugh, turning away to lean against the bench looking up at the sky.

After a small awkward pause Bucky gently squeezed his hand, “Thanks.”

Steve peeked over, Bucky staring up at the sky in awed silence again. His scarf slipped off and onto his lap, his neck stretched back so he could completely stare up at the entire expanse of it. Thousands and thousands of bright, twinkling lights looked down from the heavens at them, at Bucky. Steve had no idea if Bucky was aware of what he wanted to say and was letting him off easy for backing out on it or if he genuinely had no idea but either way he was glad there was no pressure. He wanted it to be perfect and as nice as this was, he just wasn’t ready as much as he thought he was at first.

Bucky relieved him of anything more, setting the empty cup between them and holding his mitten covered hands with a small sanguine smile, “I’m starting to get numb, I can’t even feel my cheeks or my forehead anymore.”

Come to think of it, Steve couldn’t feel his either, nodding as he rose to his feet tossing the cups into the trash while Bucky waited, tucking his arm around the crook of his friend’s arm again and snuggling in. He reached over and tugged Bucky’s ski hat down tighter around his ears and set them with a brisk walking pace so they weren’t lingering out in the frozen cold for longer than they had to.

Inside, it smelled of fresh popcorn and pine, the both of them tugging off their gear only to hear a woman screaming while dramatic music played. They both gave each other looks and rounded into the living room only to find it turned into an oversized blanket fort, couches pushed in and dining chairs stabilizing weak bedsheet walls. More sheets stretched across with clothes pins holding them together and the mantle of the fireplace gripping them at one corner, the television taken down to the floor to sit underneath the haphazard tent. More Christmas lights were lined up inside.

Natasha stuck her head out, “We were wondering when you two would come back.”

Steve scrunched his brows together curiously, Clint looking out with a third person peeking out alongside him through the flap next to her and now Steve was definitely confused.

“No one told me you were going to be here.”

“What? Am I not invited to your exclusive pajama party?” Sam shot back. 

Shaking his head with a laugh, Steve grinned, “It’s not my pajama party, I don’t think it’s even a pajama party- ” He was stopped by the sheet lifting up and showing all three of them in full sets of sleep wear, glancing over at Bucky, “No one told me it was a pajama party.”

Bucky shrugged his shoulders, “I didn’t know it was a pajama party either.”

“I feel inadequately dressed now.”

“I didn’t even know if you would come over.” He heard Bucky mumble softly at his side. 

The trio disappeared back under the fort when there was more screaming coming out through the screen. Steve swallowed thickly, turning to prod Bucky up the stairs, Lucky running up with them after greeting Steve.

“Show me something I can fit into.”

Bucky settled against the edge of his bed wrapped up in warm grey and white wool socks and a deep green cotton flannel pajama set that was only closed by three buttons and half falling off one shoulder with happy smiling little sushi rolls all over it.

Giving the door a little knock, Steve came in wearing a pair of grey sweats and a black v-neck t-shirt eyeing Bucky’s clothes, “Where do you even buy that?”

“Chinatown and don’t be rude.” He pulled himself up, jabbing a finger into his pec, “You’re lucky I gave you clothes, sugartits.”

Bucky wasn’t kidding though, the shirt _was_ pretty snug on him when he pulled it on, but it was comfortable definitely stretching tight over his chest and stomach like a second skin. He enjoyed how wash worn it was and oddly comfortable. It didn’t stop Bucky’s finger from poking him again and Steve had to grab his hand to stop him, his left shooting out to do it again and Steve almost snatched his bandaged wrist, stopping himself in time and slapping at his elbow instead with a chuckle.

“Hey stop, I almost grabbed your bandaging you little shit.”

Bucky only smiled at him, “I may fall asleep downstairs, you can go ahead. I have to change this first or it won’t happen later.”

“You mind if I..?”

Bucky gazed at him for a long moment, eventually sitting back down on the bed with a plastic container full of cloth rolls and supplies. He held his arm out allowing Steve join him and carefully remove his bandaging and change his dressings to fresh ones his chest clenching up over how long and effectively how deep the damage from glass was, a good few inches across the side and he was so lucky the glass didn’t give him a one way ticket to hitting an artery and killing him.

“Does it hurt?”

Shaking his head, Bucky watched him wrap the bandage around again, “It hurt at first, was warm to the touch, my hand was swollen a little bit and it was throbbing a lot. Had to go see a a doctor to make sure I didn’t have tendon damage or nerve damage. Said I was lucky to miss the artery, it’s okay I’ll get a badass scar huh?”

Steve didn’t say anything, fixated on his arm and Bucky delicately pulled it away, drawing his sleeve back over it like he was trying to hide it again.

“How’s Stark’s wrist?”

Their eyes met, “Partially torn ligaments, it’s in a splint so he can’t entirely work not that it’s stopping him from being in the labs as Bruce has kindly informed me through texts in hopes I can stop him somehow, but telling him not to do something only leads him to do it..with gusto.”

Bucky nodded, pointing to his cheek, “And that? He looked alright.”

“His face isn’t collapsed.” Steve cheerfully supplied, shrugging at his helpless joke, “It’s fine, just a fracture that they’re closely monitoring. It doesn’t look like anything is wrong but if it sets weird he may not want that so they’re going to probably give him some cosmetic surgery soon.”

Silent as he thought about it, Bucky could only shake his head, “Wow, I’m sorry..I guess. I think it happened the first time he punched me, I immediately retaliated and punched him without a worry about hurting him you know? I was on before I even fully realized who I was swinging at.”

Steve shook his head, “It’s not your fault, I mean yeah it is for the strike but you were only defending yourself.” 

Bucky rose off his bed when Steve finished, giving him an absent nod turning to stand before him with a little curious tilt of his head and Steve only stared up at him.

“Do you want to go downstairs?”

A small grin appeared across Steve’s face, “You don’t want to?” 

Shrugging, Bucky moved to plug in the Christmas lights he had strung around his room up along the wall, “Hit the light will you?”

Steve did, smiling at them beaming a rainbow of colors and emitting a soft wash of nostalgic glow around the space. He closed the door and turned just as Bucky hopped back onto his bed, bouncing on the mattress a second before his eyes met Steve’s and the childish amusement dimmed just enough to grasp the thick tension between them now that they were alone again. Truly alone, hidden behind a closed door and wrapped in privacy while everyone else was downstairs and watching their movies. 

Maybe Steve was making too much of it, a simmer of giddiness that he was finally be alone with Bucky running parallel to how unwise it was for him to feel that way, guilt chewing away and love telling him to sit down next to his friend.

Bucky could only stare, laying his head against a pillow, arms tucked in and resting hands against his stomach, anxious and a little skittish, hoping the glow from the red in the lights hid the blush warming his cheeks. He tried to swallow his nerves down, feelings from when they were back in school again and everything was so innocent. His eyes drew away and watched his hands play with invisible loose threads on his pajamas, he couldn’t even think right now hoping Steve would just do _something_ to ease the pressure, listening to the quiet sounds of his own breathing.

Slowly like he was calculating pressure and shifts of Bucky’s mood, Steve sat himself down at the edge mentally gathering himself to fully lay out on the other pillow that waited for him staring up at the ceiling and coaxing his heart to stop trying to beat so rapidly. He was happy and maybe too excited yet he was also conflicted with guilt. He missed him, so much that it hurt and yet now he was practically shaking in his skin and mentally chiding himself to calm down. 

It was Bucky, this was only Bucky.

_Bucky._

He turned onto his side to face him, eyes still not looking his way and he was grateful, watching and just soaking in at his own pace. Wisps of Bucky’s hair brushed along his forehead, light catching the profile of his face from the tip of his nose to the softness of his lips anxiously being chewed away and then pressing together. 

Steve’s eyes moved along to his slowly rising chest and then to fidgeting hands, one of his moving immediately to curl around one and the nervous movements ceased, Bucky’s eyes refocusing to Steve’s hand, the other resting on top of his trapping him there. 

All resolve seemed to slip from Bucky and he was left to glide fingers along the extended arm and curve his hand snugly under Steve’s bicep giving it a soft tug. 

Steve only went, moving like he always did when Bucky wanted him to, drawing his hand away only to wrap his arms and engulf the lean lithe body turning to curl up against his chest like it was where he always belonged. Bucky’s long arms secured themselves around his slim waist and Steve pressed his face against Bucky’s neck _too intimate_ and much too close but he couldn’t stop himself drawing in the scent he missed for almost a week, hints of chocolate and mint trailing in. 

He felt Bucky only bury his face into Steve’s hair and lay still. His toes absent of the socks that were protecting him from the cold were instead pressed against the top of Steve’s own feet like he was trying to make himself small and Steve didn’t know why he found it so endearing. 

“We should go downstairs..” Bucky mumbled a few minutes later against Steve’s neck. 

The words melted into him, eyes staying closed as he nodded in agreement even though neither of them bothered to move. “Just a few more minutes.”

Bucky mumbled out something too softly, cuddling in as he stretched his body out long and cat-like, happy to stay where he was, Steve’s fingers slipping into his hair. 

A yawn stretched out of the brunette, blinking tiredly as he drew back to glare, “Gonna make me fall asleep if you keep doing that.”

Steve shrugged, “Then sleep.”

Pouting just to pout, Bucky rubbed his face in against Steve’s shoulder like he was trying to fuss but had nothing to use, settling in. Steve felt slumber hanging over his own head ready to refuse any attempt to move him if Bucky suddenly wanted to go. As far as he was concerned, they were both good where they were and their friends would understand.

"Buck, listen to me.."

The pause of his breathing was the only thing that seemed to indicate he was listening, face pressed against his shoulder and that was alright.

"I'm sorry. I truly am sorry this all happened."

There was a skip of a pause before Bucky turned his face, peering at him, "Shut up."

A strained surprise crossed his face, "What?"

Bucky raised his hand up, soft light delicate fingers barely brushed his face. Affection laced in every movement as a palm cupped his cheek and lingered until it slipped through the course fine hairs of his beard, taking time to feel and examine as Steve let his eyes close. He found his own hand tucking in between them, pressed against the center of Bucky's chest and feeling the perfect beat of his heart wrapping his own in warmth and familiarity.

Eyes so pale and grey focused on his blues when he opened them again, the backs of his knuckles stroking his beard and there was an empty _ache_ awoken when he swore it had left. 

"Stop doing that to yourself Steve. Stop blaming yourself because you can't change things that happened. You can't protect me forever, stop acting like you failed at it."

" -Bucky.."

He smiled, honest and open, taking his hand away from Steve's face only to rest both of his over the one against his chest guarding it, "You and Brock. You both aren't so different. You both care _so much_ that it hurts. If you let this fester, you're going to become like him and I'm still trying to.."

He stumbled over words, tripping and twisting up inside, Steve watched the tears well in his eyes but he fought them away, blinking as his face flushed and he tried to look away, features fighting to stay neutral, lips biting at a grimace.

Steve guided him back to get him to look, "Buck?"

He sniffed lightly, shaking his head, "..I'm still trying to save him."

Gathering him close, Steve held him tight, Bucky making no noise of crying, only clinging to him desperately.

"I've been trying to save him for two years Steve, I can't be trying to save you too, I don't want that. Please let it go."

Steve wanted to explain himself, he wanted to bare his soul and admit to things he possibly shouldn't. Alternatively he kept quiet about any of that, nodding instead against Bucky and he could feel the tension slip away from that body pressed close to his.

"I- " He paused, realizing he was going for another apology and there were enough for today. It wouldn't be the last time he said it, he knew it was a safe bet that he'd probably say it tomorrow for something else entirely. For now though, the slate was clean, for now he couldn't say a word about it. Fingers brushed lightly through dark chocolate colored hair and Steve dropped his forehead against Bucky's temple. What if's rolled around in his head in a swirl, if Bucky had gotten hurt to the point of being sent to the hospital. If Bucky hadn't been as restrained as he could have been with Tony. They were literally at each others throats at the end and he didn't want to consider the what if for if no one stopped them. That need to apologize resurfaced but he held firm, rerouting his thoughts and inhaling a deep breath as he dropped onto his back, "Him and I have to talk about a lot soon, I'm kinda scared Buck."

Bucky stared a few seconds at the lights, head resting on his shoulder thinking a moment, "You're allowed to be scared Steve, but I think it'll be healthier for you two in the long run."

He glanced away, palming his face lightly, he did mean it. He had to look at this for Steve's sake like a friend he was, "Out of anything, throwing me in his face because I stupidly gave you a coupla hickies when I was drunk and he was still angry was real low. What exactly did you say?"

"Truth?"

Bucky glanced at his face, worry marring it, "Yes, because now I'm worried."

"I told him I liked it for a few seconds." He drew out sheepishly, slapping a hand over his face.

Bucky groaned loudly, " _Jesus_ Steve. I think in his shoes, if you did that to me I'm not sure I would have spoken to you for a long time."

He couldn't believe it, rolling off on his own pillow, "My God, you're an idiot."

"I know." He agreed under muffled hand.

Bucky couldn't even absorb the emotion he should have felt over the idea of Steve really possibly liking what he did, he was too surprised, "I would have blamed Brock knocking you around but I can't even do that. You're seriously crazy."

Steve turned, peeking through fingers the second Bucky barked out a laugh still shaking his head in disbelief and covering his own face with both hands and mumbling gentle insults his way. When Bucky finally calmed, he turned to really look at him, and Steve peered back.

"Don't do that ever again. I'm happy for you that he's talking again to you because really? I would have been pissed. Don't hurt him like that Steve."

Staring at Bucky with an article of partial surprise, Steve could only smile fondly, listening to words but more so falling harder for the way he spoke because he cared genuinely and he didn't deserve another friend like that in his life especially one like Bucky. That was til a fist lightly hit his shoulder and brought him back into reality.

"And stop looking at me like I just told you the secret to keeping young, I'm kinda appalled that you did that."

"I was pissed and you weren't there to defend yourself. I blurted out the one thing I knew he would hate."

Sighing, Bucky clasped his hands together, "And you can't do that. I said dumb stuff to him too, I made it sound like you and I were screwing around. Don't be me. Gotta suck it up and deal with everything, it's going to be okay Stevie. I promise."

"I wish I could believe you Buck, I really wish I could but even with him being at ease like I never said something horrible he told me he enjoyed spending the Christmas' we had together like this was our last one. What if this really is the last Christmas? What if we can't fix things?"

Grey eyes looked his way, "You two got something special, if he can talk to you so quickly after being hurt and all the stuff going on, he's fighting. He won't just roll over and give up on you both. Keep your hope alive and if.. _if_ it ends up being bad it'll still be okay Stevie. Everyone is still going to be there for you no matter what, but I just don't see it happening like that. I mean it. Really, I do."

Steve closed his eyes, touched as he tucked his arm under his head, "Thanks for the vote if confidence Buck even though we both know you don't have to, I wish I had your positive outlook after everything that happened but I just don't know. Someone definitely needs to put a ring on your finger though."

Bucky's mouth dropped open stupidly, the color already brushing his cheeks, "Huh?"

"You heard me." Steve drawled out, "And I mean that."

"Did you Irish up your coffee when I wasn't looking Rogers?"

Steve rolled to his side facing his back to his friend, "Nah. Night."

Perplexed, Bucky stared at the back of his head for a long moment before he mumbled back a goodnight not knowing what else to say. Curiously he raised his hand up to stare at the back of it, wiggling fingers before he snorted to himself and curled up to go to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yastreb - Hawk  
> Bunica - Grandmother 
> 
> This wraps up a chapter that seriously got away from me. I was planning a whole Christmas thing as a fun snippet to align with real life Christmas but I stressed myself out and I'm officially vacation in which I have been ordered to take a chill pill, so I hope writing almost double makes up for it. I have a HH drabble that's going up next week (I hope) and I'm shooting to update werewolf!Jack so, fingers crossed. Didn't I just say I wasn't supposed to work? Anyway, be safe, have a very Happy Holiday, I'll be on Tumblr being stupid, we'll see HOTP in 2017. Thanks for being here! <333


	25. I was going home, I took a detour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas makes many people sentimental and even charitable. It's not always a good thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Chapter 25.pic/gif](http://kalika999.tumblr.com/post/156926743850/hunger-of-the-pine-chapter-25-christmas-makes)
> 
> I wanted to toss a quick reminder that Jack has Polish ancestry here (And wherever else I HC him) so Bucky will be calling him _Pacha_ a few times which is his middle name as referenced before but possibly forgotten.
> 
> There's no warning for this chapter aside from Bucky having nightmares. Also, author is very sentimental towards Ho Hey by the Lumineers, please forgive me.

**Late December, 2015**  
  


Bucky shot up with a gasp when he finally was able to wake up out of the swirl of black and endless sea, panting with fingers screwed around the front fabric of his flimsy thin t-shirt feeling suffocated and overheated. His legs attempted to kick off the sheets, so tangled in them he had to use his arm with them to free himself. Wet faced with tears, sweat clung around his forehead just trying to push everything away from him in a panic, hand moving to clutch at his throat. 

“Bucky?”

He could hear Steve’s tired sleep-laced voice but he didn’t want to look in his direction, covering both eyes and trying to stop the gasping that seemed to only be escalating instead of dropping.

The bed shifted at his side warm body closer to him, one hand wrapping around his forearm but he was still afraid to look just in case, in the event that it wasn’t him, wasn’t Steve. Bucky’s heart practically beat out of him as he choked out a dry sob in between the fight to breathe.

Steve pulled, wrenching Bucky’s hands off his face to press palms against the strong wall of his own chest taking in a deep breath and exhaling it slowly then repeating the process, “C’mon. C’mon Bucky breathe like me, you hearing me? You’re gonna pass out if you keep breathing like this.”

Bucky shook his head frantically, words lodged in his throat with everything else stopping him from taking in air to his lungs; fingers digging into the fabric of Steve’s shirt worn and soft, desperate for him to understand. He squeezed his eyes shut in his terror, tugging harder at Steve’s clothing.

“Bucky!”

Bucky could hear him but that was the extent of what he could do, his fingers pulling but his arms locked themselves up, body coiled up tense and stiff. He could hear the disturbing sounds of his own strangled wheezing in his ears, opening his eyes again only to find his vision clouding around the edges. He tried to put an order to the chaos rolling through his body, tried to tell himself he was safe but his body was under its own control, large strong hands gripped tight around his arms.

Steve positioned him to sit up straighter, hitting the bedside lamp on to get some light which only felt like pinpricks of pain to Bucky’s own eyes.

“Buck! Bucky look at me, breathe come on.”

A painful whine slipped out of him, fingers sinking hard into Steve’s flesh and he was pulled into his chest, hands roaming against his back, pressing him impossibly closer and he could feel the way Steve breathed purposefully keeping it calm and controlled even if his heart was saying otherwise. 

It began to get easier, the tightness and ache inside his lungs and ribs easing on him, giving in to him.

“That’s right, that’s good. You’re so good, you’re safe Baby. That’s it, keep breathing like that. Slow and easy, I’m proud of you.”

An odd sensation of delight and gratification washed over him just at the edge right before the stress and relief of breathing began. He settled with the reprieve at least for a second before a strong wave rolled over him and he scrambled to push Steve aside and away, stumbling out of the bed. He moved past Natasha at the door feeling her on his heels and he was throwing up into the toilet before his knees hit the floor. 

The sink ran behind him and soon there was a cool cloth, his skin prickling to the cold just before realizing he wanted it, warmth encompassing his skin his temperature rising. A light gentle hand brushed through his hair, tissues wiping his face as he rested an arm against the tub trying to level his breathing and will away the disgust he felt.

“Kotyonok.” Her voice soft. Safe.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” He let out shakily, voice gravelly and weak.

Steve frowned, hating the fact that Bucky felt he needed to apologize for something he had no control over, for something that seemed to have happened in the past and scared the life out of him. He felt helpless to only wait for instructions.

Natasha hushed Bucky softly, pressing a kiss into his hair and brushing it lightly, dabbing at his flushed face.

“Don’t remember, but..” Bucky shook his head warily, “Felt like I was being choked.”

“Nothing else though?”

He only shook his head, Lucky approaching him with wet nose nudging at his cheek and licking at his face, a paw pressed to his thigh. He looked towards the doorway, Steve leaning against the frame watching in silence.

“I’m tired, can I go back to sleep?”

Smiling softly, Natasha nodded giving him a hug when arms went up, “Of course you can.”

Steve took the chance to step in, putting his hand out and Bucky took it carefully, fingers tight around his and he pulled him to his feet, slipping an arm around to support legs that were still weak and wobbly. He looked into stormy grey eyes and hoped Bucky did not see that his own were now darkened and threatened to become a hurricane. He hated whatever turned him into this. 

“I don’t want you to leave but just don’t hold me. You know, in case I have another nightmare or something.”

“Sure Buck.” Steve agreed, watching Lucky hop into bed the second Bucky climbed in making himself available as he shuffled himself with his tail wagging underneath the covers between the pair of them and received a pat on the head. Bucky wrapped his arm around his neck and pressed his cheek into fur, fingers gently petting his ear. 

“Do you remember anything?”

Bucky shook his head, “When I have bad dreams I usually forget them when I wake up. I know I see things, but I mainly feel like things are happening but I get so scared or freaked out my whole entire body goes with it. This time I remember just feeling hands around my throat but I think it’s because of you know, what happened..”

It only took a moment for Steve to remember the tail end of the fight with Tony and how they started to strangle each other. He had been still making his way through the thick crowd of people but he saw how startled Bucky seemed and how, looking back now, seriously Johnny reacted to it.

A new sudden thought came to Steve’s mind, his eyes meeting Bucky’s across a rolling plane of golden fur. He wanted to ask because it was now an idea branching off from a few things that had happened but the way turquoise stared back at him he wasn’t sure he should. Instead he only looked back at him in awe of how open and raw Bucky let himself be, so vulnerable and naked in front of him with just his gaze as he stared off past his shoulder eyeing the Christmas lights along the ceiling.

Steve carefully lifted a hand, brushing the back of his fingers along Bucky's cheek and they both froze when startled frightened eyes shot to the spot he touched quickly easing up again but it still happened. The loaded question seemed to sink deeper into Steve’s mind but he didn’t ask because he still wasn’t sure what exactly he was looking at, moving his hand to press his warm palm against Bucky’s cheek carefully and let it linger there before he pulled it away entirely, eyes staring back at him. Steve could only give him a comforting smile back.

“Steve.”

“Yeah?”

Bucky closed his eyes, “Why did you call me baby?”

“Oh. I, um.." Steve opened his mouth to answer but then drew back. He mulled over it for a moment to really think about it, giving his head a shake, “I panicked.”

He turned his head to look at him before looking back up into the darkness, “It was natural instinct I guess. An accident though, sorry for being inappropriate.”

Bucky shrugged softly, rolling off his side and facing his back to him, Lucky letting out a huff through his nose and shifted before everything stilled again, “I liked it.”

Steve was only left to glance over, fingers fidgeting over the blanket and his instinct to protect and give care kicked in as Bucky laid out unprotected aside from the dog even if it was better for him this way. 

“I’ve heard it from a lot of mouths, yours is one I don’t mind hearing it from.”

The words slowly sank in, damned the implication as they crept down from his ears and across his belly to the one place it shouldn’t go. Be considered wisely that perhaps he was glad he didn’t have the chance to curl up against him lest he wanted to intimately reveal just where his words settled. 

Of course now though, Steve was more than intrigued about some things, curiosity getting the better of him.

“I think it’s also because you seem to _like_ things like that, like the pleasant connections tied in with chocolates, the touch and petting. Similar to how you share qualities with a cat, everyone has pet names for you and sometimes you like compliments being said to you. It puts you in a positive state of mind. I always try to remember the stuff that makes you happy. Of course you like being called baby.”

“Not in general.” He shot back.

“No, of course not but I have heard Brock call you that so of anyone, you associate it well with him. He doesn’t seem the type to give pet names to people he doesn’t give a crap about.” 

Steve smiled not entirely sure what to make of it all but he did like Bucky admitting things like that to him because he enjoyed simply knowing things about him. Even if it was something that could possibly seem to be too intimate for people to know, or made to be seen as a nickname that was so well versed he could easily shrug it off, even that was something he found worth knowing. He loved feeling like he had a place in Bucky’s universe, watching him shift under the covers with his head turned under soft strings of lights in his direction. 

“Stop smiling.”

Steve had to laugh in surprise, he had the blanket and a dog as a barrier, “How did you..?”

“I can _hear_ it, stupid. You always smile when you find out something interesting or have something confirmed for you that you were right about.”

He couldn’t really argue with that, laying on his back and shrugged at the ceiling, “I like knowing I’m on the same page, that I’m understanding the situation.”

“Hmn, well don’t be using baby as a normal thing, people will get the wrong idea _especially_ Brock. It’s his nickname, he’ll think you’re using it to get in my pants.”

Raising a brow, Steve glanced over at him with a look of sarcasm, “He thinks anything I call you is me trying to get in your pants. He thinks that when I look in your direction I’m trying to get in your pants. If not trying, I’m _thinking_ about it. He’s probably surprised I haven’t yet with all the attempted pants diving I’m evidently doing.”

Bucky really tried not to laugh at Steve’s contemptuous and mildly bitter tone of voice, nodding in agreement with him,“True.”

“I guess it wouldn’t help telling him in a calm face to face I don’t want to get into your pants, would it?”

“Nah, those two punches to the face, one of which has left a crater in the wall where your head hit it, and the kick didn’t clarify that for you? You must have a thick skull Rogers.”

“Well, he’s kinda dramatic.”

“Oh! My dear, you haven’t seen him dramatic. Trust me and..he can’t help it.”

“I get it Buck.”

Bucky turned to lay on his back staring up at the dark ceiling, hands balled up as they rested on his stomach, cold wet nose bumping softly against his cheek, “I’m not sure you do. I ask you to keep away from him because you’re the rational one out of the both of you which is saying a lot considering you’ve been doing some really boneheaded crap but he’s doing drugs Steve. Coke makes you irritable, aggressive..hell even paranoid. Yeah, on the one hand he hates your guts but that shit he snorts up fucks around with his brain, it amplifies his negative qualities. You can’t be pissin’ him off, you’ve been getting hurt because of it. With his power he could really hurt you, if he does something the wrong way, gets a little too angry at you Brock could seriously send you to the hospital and he’ll be sent to jail. I don’t want either of those things to happen. Do you understand?”

Watching him through the darkness, Steve had no idea what deep expressions that body near him was making, “Buck, I can handle- ”

“ -No. He could _kill_ you. Hit you in the throat, sternum, back of your neck, skull. He wouldn’t mean it but he might end up doing that in a stupor of anger. Maybe I’m overreacting but I don’t want to chance it..” He drew in a small breath, sighing feebly, “There’s only one of you, nothing could bring you back if something horrible happened.”

There was a world of open silence between them, seconds feeling like eternity as Steve struggled to say something. A hand drew out across golden fur, upturned and timid. Steve reached for it, placing his palm against the other and Bucky wrapped his fingers tight around his hand.

“Just try.”

Steve was definitely not _asking_ for Brock to get angry and act all damn alpha male on him but the more he thought about it, the more it made sense to him. Irrational judgment and temperament because of drugs he could get. He knew how stupid he got especially when it came to Bucky but hearing his voice laden in worry was another pain he didn’t want to listen to altogether.

“I can try to be more..thoughtful. I just get it in my head to do something one way because it’s what I do. I decide to do it and I just..do it. There isn’t a right or a wrong, it’s just a decision.”

“It’s _impulsive_.”

“Not always.”

“Don’t piss Brock off, he’s impulsive too and not playing with a full deck.”

“So you’re telling me that’s him nice right now?”

“It _is_ him nice. Not sure you got the memo about broken arms and dicks because Brock didn’t like them.”

“Yeah I got the memo, not sure I needed to take it that seriously.”

“I’ve been trying to keep you away from him for a reason. You know how he feels about me, he’s pretty much been like a dad for a while.” He yawned and pulled away, tired and exhausted. He rolled back on his side with his back turned to Steve tugging the blanket closer to himself, “I’m going back to sleep, night.”

Steve only watched him, thoughtful in his head, “Night.”

\-----  


Bucky didn’t know how long he had been awake for, rising up to being bundled in with a quilt before his blanket was draped over him. Steve sleeping next to him on the usually empty side and not touching him like he had requested in case there was a repeat of earlier. Instead there was soft fur beneath his fingertips, Lucky warm and solid against his side, damp nose tucked up under his chin.

It started to rain, light almost soundless drops coming down while he was taking in the tufts of Steve’s hair going in all different directions against the daylight fighting with the dark. He just took in a private moment, a few seconds maybe, to stare. Peeking over his little blanket mountain to study Steve’s stupidly handsome bearded face, not sure why he hadn’t shaved it off yet like he usually did by now but he loved it and felt maybe a twinge of satisfaction that perhaps a small fraction was maybe because of him saying he liked it better than when he was clean shaven. He was sure it was a far off guess but he liked to think it was a possibility, smiling and squirming deeper into the blankets like he was trying to hide how giddy the idea made him feel. 

Steve had been left with the Spongebob throw blanket he had at the side of the bed, blue trim border of the sea with him and Patrick grinning on the front of the fleece, it barely covered Steve’s legs and Bucky held back the urge to laugh at the way it wrapped around his waist while the too tight too small black V-neck rode up past his obscene abs and rested at his ribs, a hand over his navel like he was scratching the spot absently. His other arm was thrown over his head and Bucky swore he was staring at an adult child but he looked so peaceful and happy which in turn made Bucky happy.

A few raindrops danced along the glass, catching Bucky’s attention. He curled up deeper under the blanket, even with the space between them he could feel his and Lucky’s heat over the whole bed. More rain hit, his lost fascination regained when it began to come down heavier, the wind blowing them against the window. He stared at the ash grey clouds rolling along in the sky, a very faint howl moving past and soon the weather began knocking to gain entry. Bucky only smiled softly, cuddling in tighter, rubbing his cheek along the pillow listening to it scratching against the casing. 

“Why’re you smiling?” Steve’s sleep heavy voice almost startled him, looking back at him, his eyes barely opened curling up facing him with a dreamy wistful look and his hand reaching out.

Bucky simply smiled back at him, slipping his hand into his, “The rain.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

There was a moment of pause, Bucky thinking as he looked from the window and then back at Steve, “Will you open one of the windows a little for me?”

Steve opened his eyes again, “You won’t get cold?”

“With the human furnace and a dog?”

Lucky raised his head at Steve, shuffling up on front legs a bit until he could reach his bearded face, giving him a few happy licks and Steve could only laugh, gently pushing his muzzle away but not before giving his head a pet and pat. He nodded to Bucky in agreement and got up out of bed, sweats too low and he didn’t much care. Bucky admired as much as he could and watched him flip the latch at the top, back muscles flexing under the strained material just a slight as he lifted up the window a crack to listen to it but not bring the rain in, rolling up a towel at the sill just in case. 

Numerous sounds flowed in, different pitches and beats fighting each other in their own city tune. He closed his eyes and listened, resting hands on his chest easing back into a perfect state of peace.

Steve turned only to see Bucky seemingly off asleep again and Lucky rolled onto his back with paws partially up on his side of the bed soaking up his body heat like a little thief. He sauntered back to the bed, yawning and waiting for Lucky to move back only to find the dog snoring already and he honestly had no idea how that worked, climbing by the foot of it to just sit not sure what to do.

Bucky peaked when there was no more movement, sleepy tired eyes looking around with a hand scratching into his hair. He saw the issue Lucky presented and had to laugh, pulling a hand out of his nest to coax Steve to lay down in the middle, parting his blankets.

“You okay with that?”

He nodded because he was, he didn’t feel the tightness in his body like a trap ready to spring, instead he felt calm and secure, watching Steve’s frame trying its best not to be too much of a disturbance and fitting himself in between him and Lucky. The dog let out a wet snort before snores came back and he could only grin, pulling the covers for Steve to entirely cover himself with and they laid face to face on their sides just listening to the rain and weirdly funny canine snoring. 

“Thanks for getting the window.”

Steve could only nod and Bucky wanted to touch his face, let his fingers get lost as he explored and pet him but he had already done that once or twice already, he didn’t want to make it a more persistent habit. He raised his hand tentatively instead, a very minor twinge to them, the tip of his middle finger jumping lightly when Steve mimicked the gesture and large warm pads of fingertips met his. 

Bucky had to close his eyes, starting at his thumb he mentally counted one through to five, pressing each digit in against Steve’s before he smiled to himself and nodded. 

“What’s that for?”

“I read that it’s to count if you’re dreaming."

He didn’t really know why he did it, his toes brushing along the top of Steve’s foot and shrugging afterwards while Steve laced their fingers together. It wasn’t that long after that he felt a nudge at his side, cracking an eye open curiously.

“Turn around for me."

Bucky raised a brow, but rolled to his other side all the same feeling a warm heavy hand slip under his t-shirt and stroke soothingly over his back. He forced himself not to shiver and fought hard not to push against his hand. It was only one of Steve’s but he was still too effective in working out knots and kinks he didn’t know he had out of his muscles. With the backdrop of the rain and all the comfort of Steve taking care of him, everything else in his head seemed to have deserted him. He relaxed to it so easily that he couldn’t even help the soft whine he definitely didn’t mean to let out. 

Steve huffed out a gentle chuckle and shifted a little closer not pressed in but Bucky could still feel the heavy radiating heat off his body radiating off him. Steve had put harder pressure against the heel of his hand as he patiently worked one entire side and then his other side for the next hour or so and all Bucky could coherently do was try not to moan out wantonly, biting and chewing down on his lips til they were red and bruised. He had one arm tucked beneath his pillow, desperately digging and clutching the sheets below as he tried to keep himself from floating. He was also, to his dismay, already embarrassingly hard and he did his best to keep that a secret too, casually bunching himself into the two thick layers of blankets and curling legs up. There was so much to get him in trouble but he didn’t want Steve to stop, in fact he wanted him to keep going for as long as he wanted.

“You’re right you know.” He finally admitted, trying his best to keep his voice as neutral as possible watching Puiule move around lazily trying to poke at pebbles too big for his mouth. 

“What am I right about?” Steve mumbled out, voice dipped a bit and focused on his job at hand.

Bucky exhaled happily, settling his shoulder back into the necessary groove he made while he was asleep as he closed his eyes, “About the things you noticed that I like.”

“That make you happy.” Steve supplied back politely, so close that Bucky felt his breath barely touching the back of his neck, hand continuing to work through a knot near his lower spine. 

“I like nice things, who doesn’t? I guess my head lost wiring somewhere though because I feel overwhelmingly good; though as you can probably tell from my track record people have used it to their advantage until I could get my head out of the clouds to back the hell outta there.”

“So you go into some subspace thing? Is that why you looked so drunk with the chocolates then you ran out of the living room like I was turning into an alien?”

“I did nothing of the sort. I removed myself because- wait, how do you even _know_ about subspace you’re the guy who asked me if your boyfriend would be into being a bottom now that you got a taste for topping.” 

Steve burst out laughing behind him, forehead dropping against Bucky’s shoulder and it made him smile lightly.

“I _have_ read things Buck.”

“Uh huh, probably only after you discovered that new sex position.”

A hand hit his arm and Bucky could only laugh and shake his head. He softened a little, shrugging into Steve’s chest when he felt him press close and snuggle in, “And I guess it’s a subspace thing. I would never say I go into subspace because I don’t really, I just get kinda..like you said, drunk. It makes me feel good. I get all fuzzy and warm and nice, it’s like soaking in a bath. I just want to stay in it for as long as I can. Sucks when I get torn out or just force myself out and I’m shaking and shit like that. But that heightened feeling is nice. Makes me feel protected and safe, like I belong there.”

He stopped talking and Steve was quiet behind him, Bucky not entirely sure why he even admitted all that when he barely knew what it all meant to him alone. A phone suddenly appeared over his arm in front of him.

“Everything you just described is subspace and sub dropping.”

Bucky narrowed his eyes trying to read the words in front of him, “Did you actually Google this crap?!”

The laughter spilled out of Bucky before he could hold back, pressing a hand under the covers to his stomach, pressing his face into the pillows barely able to even acknowledge the affronted look on Steve’s face when he did a quick glance over.

“God, Steve. Oh my lord.”

Steve tried to keep his face casual, “What?! I’m trying to be helpful!”

Wiping tears from his face, Bucky pushed the phone back at him, “I know you are but you’re taking it way too serious. I’m not into that stuff.”

“You don’t have to be, you can get that without sex you know.”

Bucky rolled his eyes but agreed, trying to wipe his tears and stop from laughing on when Steve really was only trying to be helpful. He laid out onto his back to stare up at him propped up on his elbow at his side and poked his nose lightly with a wide grin. He watched the blond crinkle his nose and smile lightly down at him and Bucky couldn’t help lightly running his fingers along the thin beard he was beginning to grow out against his face.

“People would just get the wrong idea, besides it doesn’t always happen. _You_ might get the wrong idea.”

Confused, knit brows appeared along Steve’s forehead, “Me?”

Dropping his hand back on his chest, Bucky nodded, “You’d get all personal about it, like you were obligated to keep me happy and that’s not what I want.”

Steve’s face pinched a little, “No?”

“No, of course not. I’m not your problem.”

Chuckling, Steve dropped his head down against Bucky’s chest, “I like making you feel nice.”

Bucky bit down on his lower lip reaching his hand along to pet his hair, “It’s not right Steve, maybe we screwed something up, I know I’m a little backwards anyway but it’s not fair to Tony, I don’t think I could ever look at him in the face and understand what you see in him, I don’t but..he’s in love with you and you’re in love with him..”

Steve let his eyes close, feeling the soft beat of Bucky’s heart against his cheek, it seemed to pick up a little, a subtle jump.

“Buck.”

“Stevie, we’re not right.”

He frowned softly opening his eyes to stare up into greys and blues, fingers tightly dancing through his hair.

“We’re not.” Bucky repeated, frowning to himself.

“I feel like, when things don’t feel right you can make it right because you’re special that way. You don’t feel like that?” He whispered back.

“I feel like a lot of things.” Bucky murmured out, the unhappiness seemed to bleed out of him and he stared away at the drops of rain running down the glass begging for them to take him somewhere away from here because he felt like he shouldn’t belong here even with Steve in his bed.

Groaning in frustration, Steve pulled himself up and he watched Bucky turn to look at him. Giving them space as he laid down the center, he folded his arm under his head and smiled at him, “Look, I get it. Trust me, I understand that all of this is weird. I think about it a lot. It’s just that I can’t undo any of it. I can’t ignore that you can cheer me up and maybe in some perfect world Tony is supposed to be the law on that but I can’t help when he can’t be there for me or he’s the one that got me pissed off that you can talk me down from doing something incredibly stupid because I’m a stubborn asshole. Seriously, that time he stood me up and we ran into each other on the train, I was tempted to throw paint on one of his sports cars I was feeling so petty and it was a stupid idea.”

A hand rose up and Bucky covered his mouth trying to hide a gentle laugh.

“What I really am trying to say is, don’t worry it’s not a sorry, I appreciate you and you know I do. You’ve got this light about you that’s really special like you can take bad things away. I mean that, you’re just good that way.”

Bucky shrugged awkwardly, not sure what to say as his head shook, “I..I don’t really know what could be different about me Stevie. I just do what I think is right. I don’t do anything out of the ordinary, I don’t think. I’m definitely not special, I do a lot of bad things, I, I attract a lot of bad people.” 

Steve stared at him, gazing at the sullen look across someone that suddenly looked much too young, “You also attract good people and you do good things. You just gotta see you’re worth so much more like I keep telling you that you are and- ” 

He trailed off when he felt those curious fingers touch his beard again, light and gentle stroking through like Bucky couldn’t help himself. Breathing seemed to cease and his throat chose to tighten up. Just as they came they slipped away and he almost snatched them up to stop them from leaving.

“Sorry,” Bucky let out sheepishly, “I wanted to poke at your beard while you were talking. Go on with what you were saying.”

What was he saying? Words left the building and his tongue sat twisted. When he did start speaking he could hardly understand that was being said.

“You’re like sunshine Bucky, warm and radiant. There’s..there’s something..so much more than what..you let it be." Words tumbled out of his mouth, eyes closing as fingers grazed along the hairs growing against his jaw, sentences slipped away and his breath hitched a little hoping Bucky didn’t pick up on it. There was a current channeling into him, over him, powerful and deep like he was under the waves, body too tired to fight anymore, he didn’t want to struggle against the hold of the sea. 

\-----  


Steve hadn't even realized he fell asleep again until he woke up to an empty bed with no signs Bucky was even around; a wave of panic washed over him pulling himself out from the warmth of the blankets to lumber towards the hallway, a knuckle rubbing the corner of his eye.

“Buck?”

He wandered out of the room, Clint and Natasha’s bedroom door wide open but he heard nothing until soft laughter rose from the kitchen and he made his way down. The living room was cleaned up, no one seemed to be around but the Christmas lights were already on. He sniffed the air catching the scent of tuna lingering about as he moved across the expanse of the room and into the kitchen. He almost missed Bucky sitting on the floor taking a bite out of a sandwich with his legs sprawled out and Lucky laying against his side licking at a chunk of tuna on the floor before gobbling it up. Bucky’s other hand was petting a ratty looking black cat that was obviously a stray of sorts looked like he was missing half an ear and chewing at a piece of tuna fish, peering up at Bucky adoringly. 

Bucky looked up from the cat, grinning at him, “Hi.”

Steve couldn’t help smiling back, stepping over his legs to get to the coffee maker, glad a pot was already brewed and waiting for him, “Hi. I was wondering why I smelled fish.”

“This is Liho, Nat’s random cat.”

“So you’re not the only one to have a weakness for strays.” He reached up into the cabinet to grab a mug, pouring himself a cup before turning around to look at the cat again, fur a little rough and dirty but seemed pretty healthy aside from the cosmetic issue. 

“Don’t say that to her, she keeps pretending the cat hasn’t been adopted by her even though she named it and if she hasn’t seen it for a few days I know she’s looking outside and hoping it's okay. I’ll have to text her soon and tell her I saw it so she knows.”

“Naturally.”

Steve moved down with his mug, the new scent luring Liho towards him, hopping onto thighs and curiously eyeing his coffee as it sat itself down watching him taking a sip. Bucky held out his half eaten sandwich, Liho hoping to get a bite but was deftly avoided and not one to pass up something he liked took it as the cat ran back to sit with Bucky. Taking a bite he tasted a hint of black pepper, some green onions with the mayonnaise and fish when he was suddenly hit with the sharp stab of spiciness, his brows going up in surprise. 

“Did you put chilies in this?”

Liho looked up at him like it was annoyed at Steve for raising his voice, meowing humorlessly in his direction before turning back to bump its head into Bucky’s tummy asking for a pet as it collapsed onto its side against one thigh purring away happily, Lucky peeking over before going back to his nap. 

Bucky stared up at him and Steve was holding the sandwich back out still getting over the surprise. Bucky polished it off in two quick bites, dusting the crumbs off his fingers.

“I was in India for a month when I was about eight, Imogen was sick so she couldn’t travel so they got me a nanny while I was out there. She made these sandwiches..I don’t know, I love them. South Asians put spices into a lot of their food, so now I put Thai chilies into my tuna sandwiches. Don’t even get me started on masala chai’s.”

Steve had no real idea what Bucky meant, he knew chai’s from Starbucks but he was pretty sure they weren’t an accurate portrayal. He sipped lightly at his coffee not sure if he should while his tongue was burning, “You should make it for me one day.”

“Yeah sure.”

He took a sip watching Bucky stare down at the cat, hand stroking along its fur. Steve took the distraction to his advantage, grazing the index of his finger up the bottom of Bucky’s foot startling him before watching him pull it away and look up with a gasp. 

Steve chuckled behind his cup, “Sorry, too tempting.”

Bucky playfully pointed his big toe out and poked him with it and Steve only took the challenge, grabbing it and starting a minor tug-o-war with him, using his unoccupied fingers to tickle him.

“No Steve!”

He kicked him with his other foot and Liho mewed in irritation to Steve’s disturbance, Bucky laughing as he tried to now free both big toes and Steve had no plans to let him go. Lucky raised his head curiously again trying to understand the back and forth Bucky tried to do to get his feet loosened out of Steve’s hold. Liho on the other hand seemed to only have Natasha’s characteristics, pulling itself up to hop onto Steve’s lap and watch a few seconds of the battle before claws came out and batted threateningly at one of his hands causing him to let go with a surprised grin.

“Someone’s protective of you.”

The cat stared at him like it was waiting for him to let go of the other toe and when Steve did, it turned around and went back onto Bucky’s lap laying out across thighs and Bucky’s hand returning to brushing his hand along fur, black tail loosely wrapping around his wrist and loud purrs filled the room occasionally followed by pleased chirrups when scratched just right.

Raising a brow, Steve wasn’t sure what to think, “ _Really_ protective of you.”

Bucky only looked at him with a smirk, shrugging helplessly. He reached above his head with his free arm, hand searching for and finding two large padded envelopes. He gently tossed them to Steve, gesturing for him to take a look.

He peered down at the label stickers stuck one on top of another, forwarded from someone which bounced it to Bucky’s parents place then to Natasha’s. Steve felt out what seemed to be a folder of sorts in both of them, he slipped one out and opened it to find glossy photos of Bucky’s shoot in Germany with a line of stills. He couldn’t help going through them again, a handful of pictures he never got to see like a fur lined deep hood on a black winter coat that was pulled over his head as he was throwing up fake snow and watching it rain down in wonder. A few of them were with a female model in warm sweaters and pants or leggings for the girl having their own conversation. The other envelope was clearly more editorial, numerous backdrops outside and in tighter tailored clothing Steve actually really liked. Some a lot more than others when it came to ones where he was drenched in water for some reason, droplets falling down before his face like some kind of artsy beauty shot with his eyes clear like the sky in whatever thin shirt he was wearing clinging to every curve and muscle on his body, his nipples having a mind of their own. 

Steve turned the picture around, showing it to Bucky trying to distract his mind from really wandering away right then, “Have I ever told you how perky your nipples are even without the water?”

Blush colored Bucky’s face, laughing lightly, “You aren’t the first person.”

Out of habit of said topic Bucky looked down at his chest, puffing it out a little and even through thick cotton there they were loud and proud, “Jesus.”

Steve laughed, tucking the pictures away because it was getting a little too hot under his collar to keep checking them out and handed them back.

“Enough about nipples, you got plans besides work? I should start getting dressed here in a few minutes, gotta see Dr. Potts.”

Pulling himself up, Steve agreed about the timing, “Yeah actually I’m heading to the hospital. They need me in a superhero costume for a pizza party with the kids, should be really fun. You're welcome to come by if you're free, you could be my sidekick.”

Bucky looked up at after him with a small grin, “You volunteer to wear tights? I definitely wanna see that. I’ll give you a call when I get everything figured out. I’m heading back here so if I don’t call you know where to find me. Sometimes I just feel like settling back home after a session, you know?”

A pang of worry crossed Steve’s face, nodding to him and thinking about the fact that Bucky would probably be talking about the whole fight and everything else that followed after like Brock and him and this morning, “Yeah, I know Buck. I gotta get going after I change, find and make sure the costume is doing fine. Do you need anything?”

Bucky shook his head, comfortable with just petting Liho, “I’m good here for a little bit.”

\-----  


“Hey, I was just about to call you! I just got finished with Dr. Potts, I may be able to still make it.” Bucky pushed past the glass double doors of the office building making his way down the sidewalk, grinning wide as he adjusted the strap of his backpack and made his way to the bank of cabs located by the end of the block.

He only slowed when Steve let out a weird uncomfortable breath and then just stopped outright when his friend let out a soft yeah.

“Steve? You okay?”

“Yeah I’m okay Buck, I just. Something weird happened and I don’t know who to talk to about it. You’d tell me if you donated money to the hospital, right?”

Knitting his brows in confusion Bucky didn’t really know what to say to that leaning his arm against one of the parking meters, “Yeah sure I would, why?”

“Well, I don’t know. I got over here and one of the directors showed up to shake my hand and I figured it was for the little party, you know? Just sometimes they show up to say thanks for volunteering some time to cheer the kids up and have some fun, routine stuff. They had a photographer and they asked if it was okay to take a picture for the newspaper and the website. I had no damn idea what was going on until I saw a donor’s certificate saying that apparently _I_ had donated a quarter of a million dollars to the cancer foundation here.”

Bucky’s face fell, “What?” 

Steve could only laugh, a twinge of hysteria to it because Bucky didn’t blame how off _that_ was.

“Buck, I don’t think I’ve ever had a quarter of a million dollars and I just, who would do that?”

“Maybe Tony did it for you? A Christmas gift perhaps?”

“No, he would have told me. If you didn’t and neither did Tony, I don’t know who else could have.”

Bucky sighed, “I don’t know Steve I have no idea what to tell you, I’m sorry. Are you okay though?”

“Yeah, yeah. I just, this is incredible you know? I’m happy someone did that but _Jesus_ and under my name. I don’t know what to think or even feel, you know? They wanna name something in my honor, I told them it was better to put it under my ma's name you know? She would have liked to be able to help out.”

His voice broke a little and Bucky felt like reaching out to hold him, only able to nod right then instead, “Yeah I know..”

A female voice piped up in the background and Steve made a soft sound in realization, “Hey Buck I gotta go change for the kids, I’m going to make rounds to some of the kids that won’t be able to attend are you coming by?”

Biting down his lip, fretting about lying but he shook his head before really thinking about it, “I can’t Steve. Sorry I forgot I had to do something important but come by Clint and Nat’s okay?”

“Yeah sure Buck,” A light note of deflation in his voice and Bucky winced, “I’ll see you later, bye.”

Bucky hung up, slipping the phone back into his pocket as he looked around for a cab hoping to God he was so very wrong.

\-----

Bucky pushed opened the heavy door, entering a large office housing spacious floor to ceiling windows and an aged oak desk. A seating area to the side sat with various framed pictures of people on a trophy shelf, in the center an old family portrait sat that was taken when Bucky was seventeen. He looked away in irritation hating that picture, turning back to glare at his father who was pouring over blueprints at the table in the center with a couple of other men in business suits.

George glanced up, raising a brow, "Well, someone doesn't look very pleased.”

"I'm sorry Mr. Barnes, but he insisted!"

He nodded to his secretary, "It's fine Elizabeth."

Bucky held up a sheet of paper, "Do you mind explaining to me about _this_?"

He threw the printed web page on to the table and George picked it up, studying it before he raised his head turning to look at his guests, "Help yourself to a drink gentleman, I need to address my son."

They nodded, whispering between themselves as they moved towards the couches and bar, his father sweeping his hand to the balcony looking out to the Brooklyn Bridge. Bucky walked out with him, standing by to the railing feeling like a caged panther, looking out to the boats on the East River and catching the salt wafting through as George closed the sliding door.

"Now then, what's got you in such a mood about the article that you have to burst in like a child during a meeting? I thought I taught you better James." 

Bucky stared at him with pressed lips, a flicker of hesitation on his face before he shook his head knowing it was more important to find out the motive, "Why did you donate money under Steve's name to the Cancer research department of his late mother's hospital?!"

"I was hoping to bring this up later but since you enjoy bursting in here on your own time I might as well let you know now. Robert Pierce came to see me."

Bucky froze, his father’s eyes watching his face before he could gather his senses, swallowing nervously and trying to press on, "And?"

His father only scrutinized, "You don't like him very much, do you?"

Immediately Bucky wanted to answer that he was an acceptable person to know but a very subtle shift of George's firm jaw and penetrating eyes unraveled Bucky's stony disposition and left him grasping at feeble hope that he could lean on the man waiting for an answer. 

"I..no. I don't like him very much." He lowered his head a little, hands finding themselves clasping together.

George turned, eyes still studying the passive way Bucky stood before he walked to the railing, "He's interested in Rogers. Asked me if I was financially backing him and if he could maybe take him off my hands for me."

Bucky immediately felt like he wanted to throw up, stomach leaping into his throat and churning all kinds of anything inside of him, the hairs prickling at the back of his neck, clammy palms pressing together, "Why? Why does he want him?"

He already knew the answer if his father didn't but he needed to know what Robert Pierce said to George. He had to know. The only reason that man would want Steve was to keep him as a bargaining chip. He didn't know how much he knew, how much Ward told him but he was sure they knew how he felt at least in their friendship. He swallowed thickly. Germany was just for fun, taking Steve would be for personal pain. This was all over Alex.

"He said he was very interested in young talent. That Rogers has been under his radar for a little while, that he proposed to help him get started up except that I had inadvertently picked him up instead." George turned looking at Bucky with a calculated gaze, "Now, you can understand my predicament when my son was the one to push him my way without telling me the truth. Lying about how it would be an opportunity to impress Mr. Stark when you clearly had no intention of the information coming to light unless it was passively mentioned. You only wanted to get him away from Judge Pierce which led me to wonder why you would do that."

Bucky felt his hands trembling, slipping them into his jean pockets and raising his head at level only to watch his father step closer. Grey eyes dimmed lightly in callous disappointment, "And do not lie again to me James. I could easily keep you stationed in Germany or anywhere else in Europe without a cent to your name if you like, I almost had you ready to pack again when I found out about that fight at the Odinson's."

He smiled thinly, "Came running home didn't you? Tail tucked between your legs like a coward. At least make a better impression of yourself if you're going to defy me. You're becoming much too soft."

Bucky pressed his lips together, sorting his mind around and thinking quickly, "I didn't come running home because I was scared, I left because of..other reasons. Stark has no fighting skill against me, he's a builder, an engineer. He's also Steve's boyfriend. I'm not an idiot, you would have killed me if I made it a no contest. It was easier to keep him at bay until it was broken up instead of punching him out and winning. Steve would have never forgiven me for knocking him cold, and you would have punished me for embarrassing him. I had no choice when he was the first one to strike so I took the high road.”

“ _James_ ,” His father’s voice clipped, “You had better watch your tone.”

Bucky shrank back a little, “I’m sorry but he hit me first in front of everyone, I had no choice but to defend myself. There was no plan to attack him, I went with Natalia to see Loki play. Tony was there because he’s friends with Thor. We were going to run into each other outside of a ball or gala party anyway. I didn’t go there to start a fight, I don’t want to go back to Germany, I miscalculated the situation.” 

Hard eyes studied him and Bucky couldn’t hold the stare, sweeping away to stare at the water.

“The next time you go to one of your parties and you know there’s a chance of running into Tony Stark, you will leave and you will do it without making a scene or running your mouth. Do I make myself clear?”

“Crystal.”

Bucky drew in a deep breath of air waiting for the ball to drop, something to happen because in his experience this was when it was due and yet nothing did. His father only seemed to be waiting for more and he realized he still had to explain himself over the letter.

“..As for pushing Steve to you for a letter of recommendation, yes it was to keep him away from Pierce but it was also something I had in mind anyway. The idea was only expedited when he was putting too much interest in Steve."

"Why?"

Chewing at his lip Bucky hesitated not wanting to lie per say but also not wanting to let out too much information that could be used against him if it came up as an option.

"He's soliciting Steve because he believes I know something about Alex's disappearance. I think he believes keeping Steve under his wing like he keeps Grant Ward, that one he was with at the Christmas Party, may convince me to give up something vital the police don't know yet."

He watched his father casually slip a hand into his pocket, "And do you know something vital James?"

Bucky shook his head, "I don't but he doesn't believe me and he's been casually trying to get under my skin. I don't want anything to do with Alexander Pierce or Robert Pierce or Grant Ward. I don't know where he went, the last time I saw him was at the party with way too many other people. The next day he was gone, I got the flu from someone else days before that and I was bedridden for a week, you know that. If he had clued me in on anything I would have remembered it eventually. Two years is a long enough time to remember but Pierce doesn't care. He's going to keep trying, he's going to keep telling Ward to come after me."

Dropping his shoulders, Bucky felt tired. He was so tired being in everyone's bullshit; in his father eyeing him like he was hiding something, in being harassed, in running into horrible people that wanted more from him. Everything. 

"Do you want me to file a restraining order against Grant Ward? As long as Robert Pierce isn't the one who gets it, should be simple."

At first he didn't think he heard what he heard, looking at George who wore a blank expression across his face, "What? N-no. Brock's got a chip on his shoulder with him, I'm fine."

He felt confused, raising a curious brow but was given nothing more. George turned to look towards the gentlemen waiting for him then turned back to Bucky, "I told Pierce I believed Rogers was good, that he had raw talent. I said I was willing to put a gamble on him and told him I advanced him money for his show. Which was why the hospital his mother was at is a little richer in their cancer research and the newspapers are excited to spin some warmhearted feel good story about a poor boy from Brooklyn who lost his mother to cancer and picked up the pieces by helping children and creating beautiful pieces of art to ease him get through his grief. He's finally lucky enough to be picked up by Studio Eighteen who's excited to represent him and hold a small intimate cocktail exhibit to show him off and sell some pieces as well be the sole distributors of all his future works for as long as he's contracted. It's warm and touching, everyone can enjoy a little of that, can't they? Robert seemed a little put off but I'm sure he'll recover."

Bucky folded his arms over his chest feeling his blood running cold, “So you paid money so you could exploit Steve.”

“I _invested_ in Mr. Rogers. I think he’s set for bigger things than that bar he describes as employment. You should be happy I’m so interested now, he could use all the help he can get in all honesty James.”

Frowning, Bucky glanced down with a shake of his head, “I just don’t understand how this will pan out as something good for you, you don’t get a fee for the sales commissions and resale value won’t matter when he’s just a newcomer.”

“Actually, as of the summer I’ve been a silent partner of Studio Eighteen. Contractually I _would_ be receiving payment on commission sales,” He smiled, stepping up close and personal as he raised a hand to pinch Bucky’s chin gently even if instincts told Bucky to brace himself, “..And as for you James. Since you were so persistent on making sure I was the one who worked with him and not Pierce, I do hope he’s worth all this for your sake because I promise you, if he doesn’t get the job done I will collect it from you. Understood?”

Bucky closed his eyes and nodded quickly, “Yes. I understand.”

George smiled, letting go to softly pat Bucky’s cheek, “Good boy. Now leave.”

\-----

“All he wants is for Steve to make him money. He asked me if I didn’t like Judge Pierce, I told him I didn’t. I couldn’t stop myself but before I even had the chance to speak to him he lied to him for me. Why did he do that Tash?”

Natasha set down a tray, pouring out tea from an intricately detailed teapot in white bone China and accented in gold and red patterning that reminded him of matryoshka dolls. She added in a little milk and then some sugar in one cup, handing it over to Bucky before sitting herself down beside him with her own cup and saucer, “He’s protecting you. Hard to believe I know. He may not have the best handle on fathering you but if you come up in the wrong conversation he will act on it. I believe that is the only reason why Brock was sent with you to Germany. He was proving a point but he was smart enough to send you with someone you were comfortable with. I feel like he knew it would have been counterproductive if you shut down and there was no way to bring you back. He’s never out to see you get hurt, I just don’t think he understands you.”

Bucky shrugged helplessly, taking an idle sip as he thought. His forehead crinkled lightly then smoothed again, worrying his bottom lip, “I don’t know about not wanting me to get hurt..”

“Kotyonok your grandfather, from all we know about him, was never around. He was negligent of your father but George still managed to take care of himself. He does what he can with what he has.”

“You’re defending him, why?"

A hint of a smile crossed her lips, “Believe me, I wouldn’t defend that man if it was the last thing I did but I know when a father is protective of his son. Maybe all for the wrong reasons but still. It’s better he’s suspicious of any Pierce than give in to any of them.”

Bucky rested his cup down, a hard frown across his lips, “You know why Pierce wants Steve and if Steve doesn’t pay out to dad I don’t know what will happen. They’re both using him.” 

Green eyes watched him carefully, saucer set against her crossed legs as she smoothed out the tension at his jaw. He looked at her gratefully, her hand moving down along his neck and then squeezing his shoulder gently, “He’s better with your father and you close by than with Robert and Grant.”

The doorbell rang and suddenly Bucky felt sick. Green eyes caught the anxiety crossing his face and she removed their dishes back to the tray set on the coffee table, “You need to tell him James but breathe. Relax. It will be alright.”

He couldn’t help the way he began to breathe, nodding anyway as he exhaled deeply and Natasha pulled herself to her feet to get the door, Lucky barking around the shoes.

Shakily Bucky pulled himself to his feet, playing with the end of his shirt and his head was racing, too many things going through at once and afraid Steve would get angry, maybe regret speaking to him again. He didn’t know how much baggage Bucky had when they began to talk again, but now he does somewhat and getting more, it's a lot for anyone to handle. He could feel his entire body feeling clammy and uncomfortable and soon Lucky was pressing into his side as he looked at Steve, his heart beating and he ached so much.

"Bucky?"

Natalia told him to be calm, to relax, to breathe. Except the air only choked him, sadness crossing his eyes as he opened his mouth to say something and his throat only closed tighter, a weak croak slipping away as he stumbled forward and arms caught him easily at his elbows when Steve lurched forward. Hands trembled and danced across Steve's chest, shoulders. 

Blue eyes grew from concerned to surprised and panicked.

"Bucky, talk. You're freaking me out."

Black dots were suddenly dancing in front of his eyes and at the corner of his vision Natasha turned with Steve’s coat, hanging it temporarily on the banister.

"Steve lay him down."

Eyebrows rose up, looking from her and back to Bucky, "What?"

Paws bat at Bucky's leg, barking filling his stream of consciousness before he lost all of it, one ankle rolling as gravity pulled him down, knees buckling out from underneath him. 

"Shit." Steve let out automatically, his hands tightening and taking himself down to his knees with Bucky pressed to his chest.

Natasha was beside them, coaxing Lucky back who attempted to lick Bucky's face to get him to wake up, a decorative pillow in her hand from the small wicker chair in the corner and tucking it under Bucky's head as she steered Steve to lay him out on his back. She sat on her knees, hovering over him and brushing Bucky's hair away from his face, the backs of her fingers rubbing his cheek gently, "Kotyonok, time to wake up." 

Sitting crouched and confused on his knees, Steve watched in desperation, one hand gripping fiercely to Bucky's wrist, "What's wrong with him Nat? why did he pass out?"

She ignored him, green eyes dancing over Bucky's face as she checked his pulse and she swiftly moved the pillow away, tilting Bucky's chin up and opening his mouth.

"Natasha."

"He's breathing but it’s shallow. Call the ambulance just in case, tell them they can come without the lights."

Steve was in disbelief watching her lay her body out beside him and place the pillow back under his head. He finally scrambled out his phone, calling and leaving the address fixated on Bucky laid out so still. Lucky pressed beside one prone leg and nosed at still fingers as he whined pathetically. 

"They're coming, what can I do?"

She didn't look up, holding Bucky close to her and gently stroking his face, "Water, in the kitchen and something small he will eat, maybe sugary. Fruit. Get the salt shaker."

Steve stood up but he lingered in the entryway of the living room, Bucky's face slack unlike how he looked when he was asleep and undisturbed. It was stark differences and he didn't like that he could recognize it, only feeling himself move again when he felt helpless to do anything. He forced himself to think, process; opening the fridge to grab a water off the door and turn his attention to the shallow fruit bowl, apples and oranges sitting beside a bunch of bananas. He grabbed an orange and the salt, a startled sound catching in his throat when the heel of Bucky's foot dragged against the wood floor and then the other, a shrill sound of confusion slipping out of him. Natasha gestured for Steve to sit as she smiled down at Bucky.

"Tash?"

"You fainted Kotyonok, give Steve a second and he'll help you."

Bucky was too disoriented to reply, Steve moving to sit down at Bucky's side watching his fingers absently sensing Lucky, stroking fur. Natasha peered at him, stoic again and almost like she was making sure Steve would listen and take it seriously. He assumed that was the point, sitting next to the crown of Bucky's head and letting her direct him in pulling him up just enough to rest Bucky's head in his lap. 

Eyes rolled up to look at him, a weak tiny small creeping up. "Sorry." He slurred.

"Oh, none of that James." Natasha scolded, battling Lucky from trying to climb over Bucky's legs to lay on him. 

"Are you cold?"

Bucky's head moved left to right lazily, nodding eventually to her query and she pulled herself up. She returned with a throw blanket and laid it out over him, kneeling to look him over again, "You alright?"

He nodded, taking her hand, "M'okay. Jus groggy a little."

“James, you need to take better care of yourself.”

“I have been.” He defended, “I just get distracted is all.”

He shifted a little to try to sit up and Steve helped him sit up against his chest, resting the water in his hands, “Drink.”

Grey eyes looked towards him then to Natasha, watching her peel the orange and sprinkle a little salt on a section. She did it to a couple more pieces and placed them in Steve’s palm.

“Eat those when your dizzy spell goes away, just like last time.”

Bucky made a face but didn’t object, taking careful shallow sips of water instead and pressing his weight against the wall of muscle against his back. He watched Natasha give him an understanding look and walked away to the kitchen, busying herself with the dishes.

“Steve, I have to tell you something but don’t blow up.”

Pursing his lips in mild annoyance, Steve didn’t say anything for a moment. He held out the orange slices and tried to gather his wits about him, resting his chin lightly on Bucky’s shoulder, “Why is it that every time you ask me not to freak out it’s definitely something I would freak out over?”

“Because this is serious and I wasn’t going to tell you because I was afraid but..I know it’s the right thing to do.”

Steve sobered up a little, nodding to him as he encouraged Bucky to drink water and eat the oranges before he did, keeping him close and pressed against his chest.

“Dad is the one that donated the money to the hospital. When you called I wasn’t sure but I had a feeling it was..” That tension came back against him and Bucky sighed, soothingly stroking Steve’s arm, “Steve please.”

“Why?” 

His tone was low, clipped and it only made Bucky worry.

“Because he found out the Judge wants you. Robert asked my father if he could take you under his wing instead. By some grace my father decided to lie and say he was already investing money into you. Made the donation under your name to drag up interest, manipulate a feel good story for your show but he expects in the long term that he makes his money back with you.”

There was a long drag of silence, Natasha back on the couch reading but Bucky knew she was all ears and ready just in case Steve lost his temper. He suddenly felt like he didn’t belong here, holding the bottle with both hands and feeling nervous as his face fell the longer the silence wore on. He was used to yelling and Steve pacing around, no words only made it seem much worse and he supposed it was, silence meant disappointment and he hated being a disappointment. He was so good at being one with everyone else, he didn’t want to be with Steve too.

He started to pull away and try to get up only to feel an arm pull him in and closer, Steve holding him firm to his chest and curling his face against his neck like Bucky was a stuffed animal capable of giving comfort and Bucky only eased in, nodding to the lack of words, the _I’m not mad at you so please stay with me_. 

“I’m sorry Stevie, I put you in this position, I fucked up- ”

Lips pressed against the tender skin just behind his ear and words slipped away, it wasn’t entirely a kiss but the feel of Steve brushing against the spot caused Bucky to lapse in conversation, breath caressing the lobe of his ear, his fingers twitching reactively. Malice and anger stitched into Steve’s words, steady and low.

“Don’t. They wanna fucking use me, _fine_. One guy wants to manipulate you because he thinks you know something and he’ll go as far as to try to own me by doing it, _fine_. That’s fine. The other asshole wants to keep a hold onto me because frankly I know he doesn’t give a rat’s ass about my abilities, he just wants to keep me because someone else wants me and thinks it probably looks good to impress my boyfriend..I’m guessing is going to take it out on you if he doesn’t get his money back. _Fine_. That’s fine. The second I pay him back, I’m leaving Bucky and when I do I’m taking you with me. They’re not going to use you by using me. I refuse play this politics game for longer than I have to but I’m also going to protect you with everything I have.”

Closing his eyes, Bucky felt exhausted as his fingers stroked the back of his friend’s hand, tears looming close to the edge, “I’m sorry, I keep trying to help and I make everything worse Stevie- ”

Snatching fingers with his, Steve gave his hand a firm hard shake, clutching him tighter, “I said don’t. There’s a lot I would do for you Buck, if I have to play the games I’ll play them for now. Look at you, you’re so wound up you fainted. Bucky this is not normal. Your body is stressed out, it can’t handle all this. You’re gonna kill yourself if you keep this up.”

He nodded vaguely because Steve was right, he knew he was. It wasn't like it was the first time he'd had that said to him but what could he do, he couldn't just leave it all alone. There was no way he was going to let that happen.

\-----

“Steve! Stteevveee!”

The blond tore from the couch, shaking his head at the incessant kicking of his door. It hadn't even been half a year and Bucky was going to break it down. He quickly unlocked in, throwing it open, “What? Wheres the fire?”

Bucky pushed past him with a hmph, his black wool beanie with the red star slipping off his head as he rushed toward the Christmas tree with am armful of professionally wrapped presents, gift bags dangling off his arms, he only stopped when he really noticed how it looked.

“Christ Almighty..” Bucky drawled out as he gazed around the apartment in surprise. 

Sure, he hadn't been around to Steve’s for a week but it definitely looked different from when he left after their bout of decorating. 

Firstly, at some point Tony had shown up. A little robot Santa was standing in wait on the coffee table in some kind of Santa suit that looked like a super hero body suit and wearing a small little hat with missiles on his shoulders. He was kind of confused at it but also a little intrigued. There were red garlands, who the heck did red?, wrapped with gold around the window frames and he knew that was definitely Stark's idea. There were more lights that looked like Steve actually did line the whole apartment with them like he said he wished he could, wreathes with ribbon strung and white lights hung at the tops of the windows for display outside and small little village set decorations sat along his bookshelf. He was sure the tree got more ornaments while he was gone too. Steve had also gotten another side table tucked next to the books where his sculpture sat, picking up just enough light and at an angle that seemed to enhance it further.

"What the hell Steve?"

Sheepishly Steve only looked around for a moment before he collected himself, hands clasped behind his back and he smiled a little, obviously enjoying what happiness it gave him and Bucky liked it but he was a little perplexed at how Christmas seemed to multiply in here.

"Um, a safe coping mechanism?"

Still staring at everything, lights flickering on and off jubilantly around him to a muted tune he huffed lightly, mouth drawn open a little, "Yeah. No shit."

Steve stooped to pick up the hat before he closed the door, “Did you buy out the whole mall?” 

“You can't stop me from Christmas Steve.” Bucky shot back kneeling to unload the gifts around the tree skirt, feeling hands pull him up and wrap around his waist.

“I don't plan to stop you but I do plan to distract you a lot because with all that energy I want a hug.”

Bucky leaned his back into him, unwinding his black scarf from off his neck, his free hand clasping Steve's, "Oh yeah? Must be important, you never really ask for hugs.”

Steve took moment to nuzzle the newly exposed skin before Bucky could turn and give him a proper hug and he only helplessly shrugged. Bucky knew he didn’t have to ask why and only smiled fondly, giving him an extra tight squeeze.

Hands slipped away to slide off the coat Bucky had worn, returning back to where they should be, drawing back to look at the ugly red sweater before him. Bucky was wearing an atrocious Christmas sweater of Santa Claus riding a unicorn into space. It was loud, bright and horrendous and he was sure Bucky fell in love with it the second his eyes graced it. 

“Where in God’s name did you find that?”

Glancing down, Bucky smiled, “Johnny! He early gifted it to me, it’s pretty neat.”

Steve had to admit that the second he saw the way Bucky lit up just talking about it, he was jealous quickly shoving it away and instead he smiled. He fixed the collar on it, one size too big but that was how he liked it anyway, the material feeling warm and soft against his fingertips. 

Steve was deeper in love with Bucky Barnes when the sweetest smile broke out across his features as he looked over himself wearing it, his grey blue eyes shining and his nose crinkling as he laughed in amusement at Santa

“Don't tell me you actually shopped with that ugly sweater on.”

Buck only preened and turned back around to nudge the bags away beside the new gifts, each with its own name tags and bows, "Of course I did. Some guy even gave me his number, he said he liked my style."

“Bucky,” Steve wasn’t done with his hug and cuddled him tighter. “Are you serious?”

Bucky could only laugh, turning back to him and resting his hands on Steve’s shoulders, “Yeah I am, it was funny.”

His expression softening, Bucky smiled at him and brought his arms around his neck, running fingers through his messy hair, “How was your afternoon? Did you get some painting done?”

Anything about ugly sweaters convincing strangers to give Bucky their phone number disappeared with that face alone, all attention turned on him, “I started but was interrupted- ”

They both tilted to the sound of the apartment door opening, “Am I interrupting something?”

Steve glanced up at Sam, ducking his face into Bucky's hair, “Oh no more trouble.”

Bucky grinned, “Sam is always trouble. ”

“Listen you.." Fake anger flashed across the brunette’s face a moment before breaking out in a smile, shaking his head as he held up a few containers, “I guess you just hate me so much you won't be trying out all the desserts I brought. Too bad Bucky, I know you have a wicked sweet tooth..”

“Oh! You must be mistaken with another Bucky being a smartass to you, I'm all too adorable and sweet to be sassy." He moved to reach for the desserts, Steve tightening his hold around him, "Oh, excuse me. I seem to have a gorgeous blond with a hot set of tits and a fantastic ass attached to me and won't let me go.”

Sam chuckled, making his way over to the kitchen to put his goods away, nodding to Bucky, "He does have a nice ass, doesn't he?”

“Please both of you, stop talking about my ass.”

The bathroom door opened and Bucky turned towards the hall in surprise, Chris appearing with a large smile, “Who’s ass are we talking about?”

Sam threw a wave his way, “Your cousin’s.”

“ _No_ , we are not talking about my ass.” Steve complained, letting Bucky go so he could poke at the desserts.

Bucky grinned when he realized it was the Chris he met from the museum, “Long time no see. How are you doing?”

“I'm doing great. I was in the area and figured I would drop by and say Merry Christmas to Steve plus I had some extra family passes to the museum and since I rarely get a chance to give them away I decided he might want them.”

Bucky stole one of the cookie bars out of a container when Sam’s back was turned, “That’s great! Thank you again for last time, the sleepover was amazing. I really loved it."

Fetching some beers, Steve handed them around, Chris giving him an appreciative nod before looking back at Bucky, “No problem, if you ever wanna do it again be my guest. All Steve has to do is give me a call and we can set that up.”

A hopeful adorable smile spread across Bucky’s face as he peered at Steve in silent request and all the blond could do was sigh dramatically, pointing a finger at his cousin, “Now look what you did.”

Chris only raised up his hands innocently and Sam grinned, shaking his head. Bucky reached over, giving Steve’s arm a light squeeze and a wink before he took off to the bedroom.

“I’ll be back, I gotta change out of this sweater.”

His cousin watched Bucky walk off and into the hall, turning to Steve, "Man you should definitely drop Tony for Bucky! I’m serious."

Bucky widened his eyes, trying to shuffle faster into the bedroom so Steve didn't catch him frozen at the end of the hallway. Steve made an abortive sound, eyes snapping to Sam who froze in surprise before he pulled himself up off the couch to look down the hallway and ready an apology but he found no one there, exhaling with a sigh.

He returned to the couch and swat his cousin at the back of his head, "Shh! Chris shut up, keep your voice down, shit. You know how I feel about Tony.."

His cousin laughed, "Yeah and he's kind of a jerk. I love you Cuz but if I was the one picking, I'd pick the one in your bedroom already."

Steve chuckled, raking a hand over his face, "Well it's a good thing you aren't, you'd probably make a mess of everything."

He got a light punch in the shoulder before changing topics the second Bucky walked back out, slipping his arm through Steve’s grey cardigan. Steve gave Chris and Sam warning looks before he shifted on the couch to give Bucky a space to sit.

“Hey so Buck..”

Bucky smiled at him and Steve suddenly lost all the words he had in his head, letting out a small sound of surprise instead.

"What's up?"

He could only shake his head for a second trying to get himself back on track, "Um, I was just wondering what you were doing on Christmas day, I mean after four or something. I kind of do the Christmas breakfast thing with Tony and all our friends that we share, I make some time for ma and get her flowers then we all head to the VA to do a Christmas lunch which you're more than welcome to join, Sam has been leading it the past couple of years he could use any and every free hand. I was thinking I could shop ahead and get stuff for something extra if you wanted for late that night, Sam's coming by we have a traditional football and homemade pizza thing, chips, dip, wings. Tony, Chris and a couple of other friends usually drop by like Pietro and his sister who I don't think you've met yet. We watch the game, some movies and just unwind. I invited Natasha but she said her and Clint are going to see her parents so I get that."

Bucky listened, putting some books that sat on the table onto his lap to look through, "I would but I can't. I'm busy."

Steve shrank back on the couch a little, "Oh, I see. I mean makes sense. Last minute and all."

He watched him look back down at the books before he lifted his head again, giving him a smile, "I do a breakfast thing with you know, those four and I'd invite you but it's at Brock's so..plus you're busy anyway."

Steve nodded, dropping his gaze to a piece of lint collecting at the crease in his pants.

"Then from about eleven to three me and Johnny go to this animal shelter we’re been helping at the past couple years and they do a canned food drive for animals and humans alike. Jo makes it an event by bringing in a balloon artist and a face painter, a popcorn machine and someone to make dole out hot chocolate. I literally think he hijacks a day for pets and turns it into a kid's heaven or something because it’s a perfect mess. There's unadopted animals that get a few hours of attention instead of being in those cages and the kids know they’re gonna have fun. It's all free, win win."

Steve glanced over when Bucky exhaled, slumping back and staring up at the tree.

"But then my parents are holding a private dinner party, so I have to go to that. At least it's with Jo, so maybe we can go hide in the kitchen with Img instead."

"Or screw behind the curtains again, isn't that what he said you two did once?"

He ducked away when a hand flew out to slap his arm, and Chris tried very valiantly not to choke on his beer, Bucky giving Steve the evil eye as he rose up from the couch the second Sam was plating cookies.

"You're ridiculous, and it was more than once."

Steve snorted, shaking his head at him, "Of course it was."

\-----

Bucky felt like the mall was getting too warm for the amount of people walking around. Jack at his right walking with a couple of square shaped clothing store bags, his coat draped over his arm as the both of them grabbed last minute things which was most likely one of their worst ideas. Bucky himself was trying his best with way too many gift wrapped boxes in plastic shopping bags mixed along with Christmas patterned gift bags, all of them ready to go under the tree at Nat’s.

Jack eyed him again when the brunette juggled bags again for the tenth time, “I thought you said you already did all your shopping?"

Bucky didn’t look over, “I did, I just..saw more things.”

“You have a problem with keeping limits Kid.”

Rolling his eyes and making a face at him, he abruptly nudged Jack into the entrance of a restaurant coming up to their right, Jack holding the door open and pressing himself against the wall so there wasn’t too much needless waddling on Bucky's part. He set a few bags down on the table before he worked on unwinding his scarf, Rollins moving the bags under the table as a server took their drink order and all Bucky could do was fall into his chair and sigh loudly. 

Smirking, Jack placed a menu in front of Bucky before opening his to look it over, “If you’re tired we could always go back home.”

“I’m not tired, my feet just hurt and there’s just so many people. I figured we could have a nice lunch and then meet up with Brock and drop the gifts off. Besides, you looked like you could use a nap, not me.”

Green eyes looked up, “Me?” 

Their drinks arrived and Bucky nodded, squeezing the section of lemon over his ice water, “You have faint bags under your eyes, when we were picking out shirts you weren’t really paying attention to the sizes or even acknowledging the salesgirl who was trying to help find a fitted shirt that would work for you. What’s the deal?”

Jack couldn’t help the smile across his face, “Are you becoming a detective now?”

Pulling his phone out, Bucky doubled checked the name of the restaurant before sending a text away. He stared at it a few seconds before a reply popped up and he nodded to himself, tucking it away and peering at Jack, “Brock said he’ll meet us here in about thirty minutes and no but you look tired. Your leg acting up?”

Watching him keep his eye on the menu, Jack shook his head after taking a sip of his own water.

“Not any worse than it usually is.” 

Playfully nudging his foot, Bucky got him to look up again, “And how bout the rehab stuff? Are you going to meetings?”

“Yeah, one day at a time kind of thing. I’m doing good, I see my councilor and we talk a bit, you know to check in and give him updates on how I’m coping. I have an NA meeting around six actually, I try to hit those every other day.”

Bucky smiled, pleased for him as he sat back against the wall of his chair, “So if it’s not your body and it’s not your recovery, what’s going on in that head of yours?”

Their server came back to check if they were ready and Bucky nodded, leaning forward and resting his elbows the second they took off again.

“Spill it.”

Jack couldn’t help choke out a partial laugh, shaking his head, “Do you think I robbed a bank or somethin’? I’m just, no you’re going to think it’s funny or you’re going to over think it. Actually I _know_ you will.”

Bucky’s face immediately switched to a full on pout, eyes misting and Rollins knew that reaction a little too well. It’s led to him getting the sharp end of Natasha’s tongue a couple of times for giving in to it.

“Buck- ”

“I just wanna help. I’m here for you, you know that. You just look tired and if I noticed, the others probably have too. You’re gonna have them asking you soon anyway.”

“Brock already did and I told him it was nothing. I definitely don’t wanna be telling him.”

Brows went up, Bucky leaning back harder as he curiously studied him, “Wait, don’t tell me you’re having naughty sex dreams about Brock.”

“I blame you.” It came up much too quickly and Rollins exhaled loudly.

Letting out some sound that was quite comparable to a squawk, Bucky shrugged his shoulders helplessly and stared at Jack, then put his hands out towards him not knowing what exactly to do anymore with his hands.

“ _How_?!” He lowered his voice when a few stares came his way, ducking his head down as he leaned in, “How is it my fault you’re dreaming about pounding Brock?”

All Jack could do right then was shake his head, drinking down the water in his glass like it was the best thing to do in his whole damn entire life and looking anywhere but at Bucky’s face, grey clouds skirting across the sky out the window pointed towards the parking lot.

He felt absolutely disturbed, sighing inwardly when he finally looked at Bucky glaring at him, “I’m not even going to talk about that. It just all started after you were talking more about it that night you came over. It won’t leave my head, I can ignore it a lot of the time but sometimes it ends up making me read or do something _else_ other than sleep and don’t even think about me meaning anything sexual.”

Bucky had opened his mouth to say something; maybe a quip, a joke, _something_ but then he saw the way Jack looked at him, genuinely distressed and maybe with a bit of frustration across his features. 

“Jack, that was over two weeks ago. You mean- ”

“Not all the time, just a lot of the time..I don’t know what to do so I just ignore it but it’s tiring. I wish it would stop.”

Sympathizing, Bucky gave him a soft nod and slid his chair in to sit up straighter, “Maybe because you two are always talking or together your head can’t get him off your mind. It _is_ a jump from conversing and the drunk chat about him offering up a kiss but I mean, weirder things have happened. You were the one acting like a dog and pressing up against his ass out on the front steps at the brownstone when all that Steve stuff was going on.”

Jack couldn’t help the laugh of absolute disbelief coming out, “He told you that? I was kidding.”

Bucky joined in, tilting his head definitely not convinced it was just a joke, “Oh please Jackie. The mind also tells you things you may be feeling but don’t realize you feel you dumdum. Just hear me out for a second before you go rolling your eyes. Ignore all the hassle I give the both of you and just think about it for a mere second especially from me, the guy who’s been crushing on someone since he was like, sixteen years old and still can’t say shit to him about it. He has a boyfriend who he wants to get married to and I still can’t stay away from him..I feel like the biggest loser for it.”

“You’re not though, you can’t help who you have feelings for.” 

Bucky smiled at him carefully, “You can’t Jack. It’s kind of my point. I get it, I understand out of anyone. Emotions can come from anywhere, you won’t know until it hits you. Who’s the best person to be with you? Forget Brock only dating girls, just get that out of the way. Just seriously think there at your seat for a moment and answer me once and for all. If he was into guys and everything was the same, would you date Brock _barring_ the idea you two may break up and stop being attached to the hip best friends. Would you date him Jack?”

Frowning now, Jack could only give Bucky a terse look, at least until a waitress brought their plates and he switched his focus on a steak salad he couldn’t fathom eating anymore, stomach feeling queasy and sick.

Bucky stared at his own food, picking up one of the hot fries bunched up next to his sub sandwich flicking it across the table at Jack who looked downright ill, watching his head tilt up after the bit of food bounced off his sleeve.

“ _Pacha_.”

“What?”

Bucky could feel the corners of his own mouth drooping down lower. Sure he made an amazing amount of jokes on when Jack was going to _date/ask out/fuck/kiss_ Brock but he was trying to be real here, he was trying to lend an ear and Jack only looked like he wished he wasn’t sitting there in front of him.

“I’m here for you, I just wanted you to give me an honest answer, maybe try to help. Just see if maybe there was something possibly your head was hinting at. I didn’t mean to- ”

“Yes.”

“ -Yes? What yes?”

Jack wrung the linen napkin between his hands against his lap like he was admitting a carnal sin, “I would Sloneczko, I would date Brock in a heartbeat.”

Bucky wasn’t sure why he wasn’t ready for that, mouth open a fraction as he froze to say something, green eyes peeking at him before he realized he needed to snap his trap shut and suddenly hands slapped down on the table, making the salt and pepper shakers dance lightly, “Then tell him!”

“ _Bucky_.”

The mortification in Jack’s voice didn’t escape the ripple of familial protectiveness Bucky wrapped around Rollins whenever he had seen this man hurt but he bit his lips helplessly, brows creasing and his own agony masked over features.

“You should tell him,” He addressed softly, tilting to look at hands resting in his lap. “You want to know what I see? Love, pure simple love. You give each other so much shit, yeah. Do you guys cry about it, no not really. That’s both of your natures, you two were made for each other.”

“I’ve known you since I was around nine years old Jack, you’ve known Brock longer and you two have always been a set. Maybe you two were apart at times, I know I met him before I ever met you but neither of you had to be together to be,” He laced his fingers in, “ _Together_ you know? He was scared of losing you while we were in Germany, you knew he was shitting bullets. When you hurt, he’s there for you. He may give you shit but we all know he’s a big pushover. He’d do anything for you. Anything. And you, you would do anything for him.”

Jack only sat and looked at him, not reacting to much of anything but staring, breathing picking up slightly as one finger poked at the spoon sitting beside his glass. Bucky smiled at him, honest and open and leaning in to glide fingertips against the curve of his index finger and Jack responded to it, moving to clasp his hand. 

“You were in a bad way Jack. In a real bad way, you know that right? I wanna say we all helped but honestly, the only one that could get you to stand up and try was Brock and you know that. I’m not an idiot, you did all that for him and he has no idea.”

“I did it for myself.”

A smirk crept up, “You gonna lie to me Pacha? Your little bro, huh?”

“Don’t play that card with me. You pretend to be cute and adorable but you’re not,” Bucky went to protest and Jack lifted a finger at him, “But maybe you’re right, at least half way..I don’t know anymore.” He shrugged dismissively, “Anyway, it doesn’t really matter. We’re not in a perfect world, there are no safe buttons, no nothing to throw that net of safety so you won’t be convincing me of anything Buck.”

“But Jack- ”

He only shook his head again, “ _No_. It’s not happening. I won’t tell him and you wont either, it would be detrimental to everything.”

“So you’re going to harbor your feelings forever?”

“If this is me harboring feelings for him, then yeah I can deal with looking like I haven’t slept for a few days just fine. I ain’t gonna screw up my friendship with Brock no matter what. That’s more important to me than telling him and it possibly blowin’ up in my face. Maybe not then but who knows later in life. He’s worth way too much to me to risk that.”

Something shrank inside of Bucky and at the same moment it seemed to do the same to Jack, his mouth opening to protest again but those eyes, those deep forest green eyes seemed to ask again to leave it alone and it made Bucky ache. He couldn’t say anything when he was doing the same thing and wanting to follow his own advice but afraid of it ruining everything good he had with Steve especially since he had Tony already.

“For the record, I think I would try harder to tell him if Tony wasn’t an obstacle.”

Fingers curled in tighter and squeezed his carefully, “Maybe in that world you laid out but neither of us can afford it without the perfect set up, can we?”

Jack was right, as he generally was. Still, he wished for two of his favorite people to have everything and that always seemed to work out when they had each other, he saw it since the day Brock introduced him to Jack. He stared at the worn look across Jack’s features, guilt across his eyes and instead of pushing just a little bit more, Bucky gave in. Fingers knit with Jack’s and held them tight, words missing between them that never needed to be said because he was always going to be there for him.

“What’re you two love birds doin’?”

Brock startled the pair of them, both turning to look at him with an open zip hoodie on over a black tank top, his hair a pushed back mess with keys in his hand.

Bucky half chuckled, pulling his hand away to sit up straighter, slapping Rumlow’s away when he stole a slice of cucumber off his tiny side salad.

“Jack was just giving me advice on something.”

“On holdin’ hands?” He teased, pulling out a chair from an empty table to join theirs and slump down into it with a light groan, legs in long shorts and spread wide as he dropped his head back and chewed slowly.

With Jack admitting what he did, Bucky now became way too alert to Brock’s _joking_ and wondered if he was unintentionally accusing them of something else. He pretended to look down and fix the linen napkin across his lap, trying to hide a small smirk as he caught Jack sighing audibly.

“I guess I don’t have to ask if you overworked yourself again.”

“M’fine,” Brock retorted back at Rollins with his head barely back up. He lifted up a foot and rested it at Jack’s thigh like they weren’t in a the middle of a decent restaurant surrounded by people, “Could use a foot rub though.”

“Fuck off.”

Jack didn’t push his leg away though, instead he shook his head tolerating him and his antics as he usually did and turned to his food with a small noise of irritation that his steak was cooled by now. Bucky stuffed a handful of fries into his mouth and studied the both of them, the chatter of the company around them filling the space as Rollins picked at his food with a fork in his right hand while his left wasn’t on the table. The way Brock was looking like he was passed out in his chair with arms folded over his chest looking exhausted but holding a small satisfied smirk only told Bucky that Rumlow got his way. 

He rolled his eyes at his unsuspecting sandwich because quite frankly, these two were a problem.

\-----

"What's going on?"

"I love him!"

Nat quirked a brow, looking at Bucky for an explanation knowing she wasn't going to get one from Clint's train of thought as he grated onions and wore swim goggles.

Bucky looked up, rolling his eyes slowly, "He's been yelling he's in love with me the past ten minutes because it's the only reason he can come to for grating onions and not leaving me to do it. Which- "

He leaned in to check how it was going blinking back strong fumes of onion, planting a kiss against one of Clint's tear tracks, "Thanks for helping me."

"Food shouldn't make you cry while grating it Buck, this is torture. This should be a tactic in Guantanamo Bay. My eyes!"

"Aren't the goggles helping?"

"They're attacking through it, these are onions out for my demise!"

Natasha tried not to laugh, stealing a clean spoon to try out the sauce softly simmering away on the stove. Bucky looked hopeful and he turned in her direction as she nodded, "I can already feel I'm going to gain ten pounds today."

"I haven't even added the butter or cheese yet."

"Bozhe moi James."

There was a knock at the door before it opened, Lucky running towards it as Steve stepped in, holding up the food he was carrying before front paws had a chance to knock them out of his hand, “Hey guys.”

“Yes! Steve’s here, I quit!”

“Oh thank God,” Bucky blurted out before even turning, catching Clint wrestle with his apron and Steve approach with wary curiosity. “Steve, Clint’s out. You’re in.”

“I baked some more chocolate chip muffins and as per Christmas potluck request to bring a dish from home, I made Colcannon because if I had made an attempt to make ma’s Irish stew without back up ingredients I may just insult her and I don’t plan on doing that any time around Christmas.” He held up the container and in a flash Clint snatched the muffins up while making his way towards the living room.

“Thanks honey, you’re amazing.”

“Clint!”

“I’ll save you one! All that food chopping drudged me up an appetite!”

Bucky groaned, pulling the ground pork out of the fridge while Steve put the other dish to the side and the tossed apron on appreciating the small puppy dogs dancing around a background of sunshine and grass.

“That’s a cute apron on you.”

“I know right?” Steve grinned, tying up the bow at the back though rather awkwardly before holding out his arms to the sides and giving Bucky a little twirl, “Clint, I’m stealing your apron.”

“Don’t even joke about that, by the way these are really good.” He hollered back, mouth full of muffin.

Steve observed a whole mess of bowls, utensils and ingredients out but not a recipe in sight. There was a part of him that liked that, taking a second to watch Bucky turn to tend to something boiling away in a pot wearing a small peaceful smile at his lips as he did. He turned the heat down before he turned around again, eyes brightening.

“Come here and bring over those big meaty paws. Did you wash your hands?” 

Steve nodded, shifting so the both of them were pressed side by side, his hands in the wide open mouthed metal bowl playing with the bread and milk mush at the side as Bucky added the meat, beaten eggs and a small saucer that held some green herb and some red powder, a bit of garlic and some salt and pepper. He finished it off with grated boiled potato which left him confused.

Nodding to the items Bucky caught his expression and only smiled, “Buna showed me how to make Chiftele when she found out how much I love meatballs.”

“Buna?”

Bucky glanced over, quick and then back at grating the little bit of potato left, “My grandmother..my father’s mama. She said I shouldn’t forget. I never did anyways, she made it easy to learn. My mother doesn’t really cook and she doesn’t really like Romanian food, I don’t really know why. When she found out Buna was showing me how to make different foods she told Buna she was making me fat, they didn’t get along much but she showed me how to make it anyway.”

He smiled at the bowl, ending the conversation there before tapping the box grater against the side of the mixing bowl and putting it into the sink. Steve only watched him quietly, not saying anything more instead holding his hands out in the ready waiting for instructions.

Soon Bucky coaxed in Steve’s hands to the center of the bowl, fingers leading him to scoop and press in the mixture like when he was kneeding bread in the cooking classes but without the muscle.

“You wanna be gentle with it but get it all mixed together.”

Steve didn’t dare look at Bucky’s face, feeling his head so close by, the leisure in his voice only reminding him how comfortable Bucky was with cooking. Gentle fingers guided him for a few seconds, a soft noise escaping the brunette when Steve was getting the hang of combining so much meat with everything in the bowl.

Bucky scooped up a small amount in his palm, barely bringing his other over it to roll it into a meatball, placing it against a large serving platter, “I need about twenty nine more of those, you okay with that?”

Steve mimicked what Bucky had done, forming his own meatball and placing it beside Bucky’s. It wasn’t entirely a circle, a little bit if meat stuck out, tapping it down with a squint of his eye finally nodding, “I think I can handle it.”

Unfortunately it only took a couple minutes for Steve to fuck it up, meatballs turning into half assed balls some too small and some too big. It should have annoyed the crap out of him but Bucky giggled when he noticed and Steve just couldn’t let that go.

“Think you gotta fix some of those buddy.”

Laughing at himself, Steve grudgingly agreed as Bucky showed him again how much meat to take trying his best to not let his mind wander off the second Bucky did so he could get the work done without wasting more time.

Playfully poking his slimy hands, Bucky turned to grin at him, “You’ll get it, you stop paying attention to what you’re doing, that’s all.”

Steve glanced over and smiled, cupping Bucky’s hands with his as the brunette showed him again how to form the meatballs, “Good thing we got your hands in the ready just in case.”

Shaking his head, neither of them heard the front door opening as Bucky rested his chin against Steve’s shoulder, “Sap.”

“Did I just walk in on something? I’m pretty sure I’ve seen this scene in Ghost.”

Bucky lifted his head away and opened his mouth to say something when Sam’s own quirked into a smirk and instead Bucky’s ears all the way down to his throat flushed red. He looked over at Steve who was diligently focused on the formations of meatballs, his entire body the color of a tomato and Bucky didn’t have the solace of hoping Steve had no idea what scene he was talking about. This was Steve anyway, he should know better, he probably knew the movie by heart.

“Sam, come over here and get the turkey in the oven. The salt and pepper is at the side get it on the bird if you can please, and the butter and little oil, stuffing is in a container next to it if you could do all that I’ll love you forever.”

“Alright, deal. I brought some pies and baked some bread, where do you want all that?” 

“I can take care of that for you Sam.” Natasha chimed in as she came down the stairs, taking the load off his hands.

He pulled his sleeves up and got his hands washed, setting out to start on the bird while he nodded along to Christmas music playing in the background on the radio.

Lucky abruptly tore off the couch a few minutes later and ran towards the entryway managing to avoid the door just as it opened, “Guess who’s here!”

“Johnny!” Clint shouted from the couch.

“Hey Johnny.” Natasha greeted as she approached and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. 

He held up a handful of bags carrying various bottles of booze, “Where am I placing all this?”

She laughed, pressing a hand against his coat, “Did you buy out the store before you got here? You can put them on the table at the side by the kitchen with all the soda and the eggnog which still needs a little kick.”

He grinned, bowing his head to kiss her back, “Nah, I left a couple bottles for everyone else, but I’ll definitely get Clint to help me fix the nog.”

Laughing softly, Natasha gently guided him towards the table going back to what she was doing.

“Hey! Johnny Flapjack’s here!” Sam announced as he rushed over, holding his dirty hands away and nudging Johnny’s parka, “You gotta show me! Barnes isn’t even wearing his!”

Bucky huffed, “ _After_ the cooking!”

Grinning, Storm yanked down his zipper, “You’re gonna love this Sam..”

He pulled away at his coat to show off a way too red wool sweater complete with twinkling lights and a baby manger scene on the front with baby Jesus’ halo going off that Sam had to pause for just a moment to take it in.

“That’s horrible as sin, I love it!” He quickly jogged to the sink to wash his hands before tearing off the apron he had on to show Johnny the baggy green sweater he was wearing over a dress shirt that had the collar sticking out, a large Christmas tree on it with pompom decorations and glittery snow.

They high fived each other way too excitedly while the others watched in amusement, Natasha breaking away from putting out some snacks to steer Sam back to the oven and get the tiny little turkey in.

Bucky flashed a smile to Johnny tilting his head to beckon him over, hands covered in bits of raw meat, “Can you help with something in the kitchen? I need some lemons squeezed and you got big hands.”

Wiggling his brows, Johnny strode over, “You of all people know I do.”

Steve turned to the sound of Bucky yelping to Johnny giving his behind a hard squeeze considering it was left defenseless. He tried to subtly turn back to the meatballs again, Bucky’s elbow hitting Johnny in the ribs.

“Stop, wash your hands and squeeze those lemons not my ass you jackass.”

Storm grinned, “I demand a kiss first.”

Frowning, Bucky rolled his eyes, “You’re in no position to demand a kiss.”

“And you’re in no position to defend yourself if I feel like putting my hands on that cute ass of yours again. Besides,” He rummaged through a shopping bag around his wrist putting on a hat with a mistletoe hanging out before his face, “Can’t say no now, it’s tradition.”

Bucky’s eyes widened, “Where did you find that ridiculous piece of garbage?”

Steve turned, brows going up, “What the heck?”

“I found it at one of those joke stores while I was grabbing the liquor, I figured..why not? Kiss please?”

Steve could see Bucky trying his best not to encourage him, the corners of his lips twitched though even if he wasn’t smiling before he swiftly moved forward and kissed his friend’s mouth turning back to the ingredients in the bowl before him.

“There now go squeeze the lemons.”

“Ha! It works!” He pumped his fist in the air and moved away to the far end of the counter.

Bucky sighed, turning to Steve, “I’m not gonna hear the end of that.”

Steve could only chuckle, going back to focusing on the balls.

Coming in from the back deck in a coat, Clint blew on his hands with Lucky following after him, “The grill’s warming up for you Bucky, but it’s already snowing out there.”

He nodded, filling a small bowl with some water to keep his hands wet as he formed small sausages with the mixture of meat and laying them out on a baking sheet. Steve finished up on the Chiftele and Natasha skirted between the both of them to take the platter to the fridge to let them rest.

“And what are these?” Steve inquired at the sausages.

“These are Mititei,” Accent fond as it rolled off his tongue, “When I could barely see over the counter I apparently demanded to know how to make them or I would die, now these clowns always want me to make it when it’s Christmas or whenever the ingredients magically show up in the house.”

Hooking an arm around his neck, Nat planted a kiss on his cheek, “I don’t know how you make them so well, I try but they don’t taste exactly the same and Clint refuses to eat them unless you do it. There’s something very specific about you making them.”

“Yeah,” Johnny agreed, grinning wide as he cut another lemon in half, “Definitely something about him and handling the meat, he’s really amazing at it.”

Sam swatted Storm with a towel, failing miserably at not laughing, “Shut your mouth right now!”

Choosing to ignore them both, Bucky finished off the rest and turned to Steve, “Wanna come with and keep me warm Rogers?”

Steve didn’t miss the looks he was getting, feeling his face going red while Bucky had already headed to the front to grab his peacoat. He pointed a finger around the room keeping his voice down, “Don’t you all start this again. I don’t need sneaky smiles when Brock gets here. Please, for my well being.”

  


Natasha opened the door a little bit into an hour later to the sight of Jack’s arm draped over a slightly too cheery looking Brock leaning into his friends side like he was relying him to keep on his feet, his other arm holding a party tray covered in foil. 

“Did you drug him?”

Jack smirked looking past her to Steve in the kitchen, “Of course not, he's just a little toasted. The festive amount of drunk, so not to get into a fight.”

“Yeah,” Natasha hummed, not at all entirely convinced and eyeing a box beside Brock pulling it up into her arms, “What’s all in here?”

“Arancini, homemade Italian sausage, Pasta e Fagioli- ” He stopped when Brock looked up at him and smiled, patting his chest absently, “What?”

“Nailin’ the accents, I’m proud of ya Jackie.”

Jack looked at him unassuredly before continuing, “He made everything the day before, you just have to put the Arancini in the oven for about twenty five minutes. I made sure to ask before he started into the booze.”

“Brock. How much food did you make?” 

He furrowed his brows, hand patting the box, “Everyone gotta eat, I only brought three dishes Natty, we all gotta eat!” 

“Jack!” Bucky cried out from the kitchen and Jack immediately nodded with a playful roll of his eyes gesturing his head towards the large party tray he was holding.

“Did you bring me Paczki?”

“You weren’t going to let me come in without it, sloneczko.”

Jack let Natasha handle Brock after passing the box over to Sam with the instructions while Bucky tilted his head to expose his cheek and Jack gave him a swift peck as he swung the tray over his head and placed it beside the stove. He removed a corner of the foil, just enough to show Bucky and Steve many round doughnuts dusted with powdered sugar lined upright in three neat rows. 

“I made them only a few hours ago, still warm and fresh. Some have plum, some have blueberry some have custard.”

Bucky dropped his chef’s knife onto the cutting board beside the vegetables and plucked one out, the Paczki still slightly warm and he bit into the rich fluffy dough the sweet pastry practically melting in his mouth, blueberry filling balancing it all out with its tart taste.

Steve watched him dramatically fall against the counter while Jack, already too familiar with the reaction, covered them back up with a chuckle.

“Marry me Pacha, just..I’m gonna put a ring on your finger.”

Cuffing the back of Bucky’s neck to pull him in as he laughed, Jack gazed at him fondly before pressing a hard kiss on his forehead, “Shut up.”

Bucky went back to his vegetables and Jack went to take care of Brock who was talking too loud and looking for beer. Steve fixed himself a coffee before plucking another Mititei off the side table that was holding the snacks dipping it deep into the mustard, he was sure this was his sixth, maybe seventh..tenth?

“Steve, you’re gonna get mad at yourself if you keep eating those.”

He popped the last bit into his mouth with a challenging raise of his brow, “In the famous words of Sheryl Crow; if it makes you happy, then it can’t be that bad.”

Bucky turned his head to him and smiled, nodding as the words traveled into his head and he hummed the chorus while he finished cutting up the cucumbers, “Yes but then she says, then why the hell are you so sad. Which is what will happen when you get upset at eating too much of something the second your stomach turns it around on you.”

Steve nodded, a melancholy look brushing across his face, “Not for this though because where has this been all my life?”

He watched Bucky stare at him for a few seconds before smiling to himself again and shaking his head at him going back to the salad again. Steve dropped his smile, fixated on Bucky in silence feeling the lyrics poke and prod reminding him that he too should answer that question for himself. The thing that bothered Steve was that he was so _gone_ for Bucky. His hands holding tight to his mug of hot coffee though warning himself not to squeeze too hard lest he wanted a lap full of it scalding through his pants as he sat at the end of the counter on a spare stool so he was out of the way of the rest of the helpers. 

To be safe he set it down trying not to be too conspicuous as he dared to watch Bucky in quiet fascination as he accidentally spilled some flour on the counter when he went to get a tablespoon of it to put into a small bowl only to end up coating one side of his hand with it. A soft annoyed sound slipped out, a tch of his tongue in disapproval and Steve was pretty sure a curse word or two in Romanian. 

Smiling, Steve watched him shake it off over the sink. In predictable form, two seconds later Bucky's nose crinkled and he flicked the side of his hand against it before going back to add some butter on the opposite side of the same dish, cheekbone showing a stain of white in contrast to distracted grey eyes. Steve's fingers itched to walk over, to lift the blue apron Bucky had tied around his waist and gingerly brush away the flour, instead he picked up his cup again and sipped his coffee instead.

“Hey Steve, give us a hand over here! We need some firewood put inside.”

He waved a hand, getting on his feet, “On it.”

After the firewood, Steve was convinced to make a quick run to the store and get some more ice, just in case and before the snowfall got any worse. Bucky was nowhere to be found when he got back to the kitchen but Brock was and the triumph he felt that there was even a gas station open still on Christmas Eve considering suddenly wasn't there anymore, the rest of the guys in the living room fiddling with the karaoke machine and no one to corral the guy away.

Steve froze when he walked up to him, squinting a little suspiciously as he twisted open his beer, "I know they wanna have a nice fuckin' time, the only reason I'll tolerate you. It's Christmas but the second you do anything to upset him, no matter how drunk I get, I'm gonna kick your ass Rogers."

Nodding immediately, Steve kept his mouth closed and Natasha was coming out from the tiny laundry room sighing softly, "Brock go in the living room."

He grumbled lightly, taking his leave without another word.

Taking the ice Natasha gave Steve a quick kiss, “You’re the best. Oh! There’s some pickled peppers and cucumbers in the basement, if you can grab a jar each that’s all that’s left before dinner.”

He nodded to her absently, still looking around and she smirked at him, “I think he’s getting changed upstairs, Johnny was following after him.”

“Ugh,” He couldn’t help making a face, “Got it.” 

Nudging open the ajar basement door, he descended the stairs only to stop himself a few steps in, his hand pressed along the wall as he leaned forward when he heard a noise, crouching a little just enough to see Bucky's side turned away from the stairs and Johnny's arms around his waist while he was leaning against the wall. 

Steve winced, turning back to shoot a dirty look towards the kitchen not sure if this was on purpose or not. He sighed inwardly, glancing forward as Bucky tilted his head to listen in to something his friend was saying and he smiled as if he hung on to every word, their eyes locked and staring at each other in a way Steve couldn't fathom between the both of them. 

Johnny cupped Bucky’s face and drew him in, kissing him deeply and Bucky only responded with the same relish, his hands bunched around the hem of Storm's dress shirt. Eventually the both of them drew away and caught their breath noses nuzzling and everything between them was charmingly soft and sweet. Johnny going as far as to plant another kiss at the cleft of Bucky’s chin and receiving a shy smile in return. 

Steve felt at a loss, words from the fight about Johnny floating around in his skull. Bucky’s assurances that there would be nothing between them like that and yet here, where they thought it was just them in private, they were intimate and gentle; Storm treating Bucky like he deserved and maybe that’s why Bucky so dutifully defended him because he knew this so well. He felt the air cease to catch in his lungs realizing if something _changed_ , if Johnny wanted Bucky for himself, everything would be over. Steve wasn’t sure if he was exactly prepared for that outcome, or losing Bucky to anyone if he was being entirely honest. Hurt and pain drew up inside of him, scared at the idea of Bucky letting himself be intimate and vulnerable in front of someone other than him gaining the same smiles and sweetness Steve kept so very close to his own heart.

It was stupid of him, so very ignorant to think Bucky reserved that level of affection just for him; of course he saw the fondness with his friends but it was just how he saw him do it to _Johnny_ of all people that it had a much more stronger affect on him.

He spaced out in his thoughts, Johnny moving to press kisses against Bucky’s neck while the brunette was trying to say something and point upstairs but failing at it, blushing and tilting his head against his as he gave in.

Steve was sure Bucky made a noise, he was too far away to hear it but the way Johnny's mouth moved into a satisfied smile he was just that sure. Bucky pressed in closer and arched his ass against large splayed hands, fingers dipping beneath jeans and most likely the waist band of Bucky's briefs. 

Steve's mind was trying to wave imaginary hands at him attempting to shoo him away the exact same way it did when he first ventured into gay porn at home and his ma was in the other room much too close for comfort and yet he couldn't look away, a peek of weak sunlight catching the skin along Bucky's hipbone, the way he tilted his neck long and to the side for Johnny's mouth to roam. He was far too fascinated with how elegant Bucky looked, how comparable to a piece of art he was and maybe a little turned on to feel jealous or look away.

It was just the way Bucky moved, subtle and slow but just below the surface he wanted more yet didn't beg for it. Like he knew enough of his worth to tease and accentuate himself, he supposed it was a skill he picked up when he was taught to sell himself as the charming son. It was..distracting in this format, to say the least, impulses popping around in his brain to do something other than what he was doing now but he ignored them.

The creak of the door behind him pushed him to get back to his feet and scramble up the stairs, Natasha meeting him there with a pondering smile and an arch of her brow, “Did you get lost?”

“I um,” He nervously rubbed the back of his neck, feeling the heat rise past his collar as he vaguely gestured down the stairs, “You got um, they weren’t upstairs and I uh, didn’t wanna disturb them.”

Natasha gave him a quizzical look, pushing past him to go down the stairs and there was a murmur of conversation before Bucky bounded up the stairs smiling at him with swollen red lips, “Hey Stevie.”

Johnny came following up after him grinning at Steve as he shoved his hands into his pockets. A moment later Natasha was up the stairs shaking her head at him, “You didn’t want to disturb them or were you too busy spying on them?”

Sucking in the air through his teeth, Steve tilted his head one way, then the other, “Maybe a little from both?”

She nodded at him shoving the pair of mason jars against his chest, “Get those open will you?”

His shoulders deflated as he sheepishly looked at the floor, “Yes Natasha.” 

\-----

After a dinner of mostly European cuisine, Steve was pleasantly surprised his Colcannon was actually well received, even from Brock but then he was also drunk and kept that way so everything was tasting delicious to him. He tried his best to get the last remnants of Natasha’s Salmon Coulibiac into him but he was left to agree with Bucky’s warning that eating too much Mititei was going to make his stomach at least a little angry with him. Everyone practically had the same expression of just that comfortable level of full and Sam was the first to raise his glass and address how thankful he was for all those around him.

“I just wanna say that even with some hurdles and troubles over the past week, getting time out to fly and visit my family for a whole day really set that impression on me that it’s never forever and we can’t just let life go by. I’m happy I was blessed to see them doing well for another year and I’m happy to see all of you safe and in good health. I know tomorrow I’ll be seeing a lot of men and women who don’t have much of anything left and I’m really grateful to pull the energy from you all to pass it along to them. I got some from my family,” He draped an arm around Steve’s shoulders, “And taking some from my second, I know some are newer family than others but I think we all have the same plan in mind. Merry Christmas.”

Clint smiled, sipping at his eggnog, “You’re such a sentimental guy Wilson.”

“Oh, and you aren’t?”

The blond only shrugged helplessly, nodding in agreement that he was as he looked over everyone and took Nat's hand, giving the back of it a kiss. She smiled in return, slipping it out of his to caress his cheek softly. She turned back to the table, “Now, we should get some of this cleaned up and get dessert out. Sam brought about three pies we need to work through and I know we aren’t doing a big fancy gift thing even though James doesn't listen and brought over enough gifts to fill a store but I have one for everyone so let’s get down to it.”

There were a few murmurs of agreement and smiles all around, Jack rolling up his sleeves and starting for the sink. 

Sam raised his head, carrying over a few empty platters, “You got this? I’m all for washing if you need me to Jack.” 

“Oh no,” Natasha came up from behind, “Jack is a whiz at dishes. He has a secret calling for it.”

The male shrugged, “Had to do it before the army, did it during the army. Not much of a change after that, I don’t mind it.”

Johnny grinned, replacing the untouched portions of bread into the container it came in, “Complete boyfriend material, this guy.”

"Like I says before Jackie, housewife." Brock burped out.

Laughing, Bucky turned around with some emptied plates in each hand almost colliding into Johnny who was looking expectantly at him. The surprised look on his face followed his friend's gaze up to the ceiling towards the mistletoe hanging there no one had seemed to notice before which only meant they were too busy or it was just recently put up without Bucky realizing.

"Say, it looks like there's a mistletoe up there."

Bucky couldn't help huffing out a laugh, nodding in confirmation, "Looks like there is Storm."

Sam strolled by, casually retrieving Bucky's dishes with a grin and a festive wink while he felt Johnny wrap his arms around his waist and tug him in planting a soft kiss on his lips. All Bucky could do was make the sound of the _oh_ he opened his mouth to say, Johnny's tongue taking the advantage to deepen their kiss and push past parted lips.

“You two are disgustin'.” Brock let out, struggling to wiggle out from between one of the chairs and the wall, Jack watching him in dismay over his shoulder. 

Steve silently agreed, smirking to himself as he carried a tray of serving dishes to the counter next to a small growing pile. 

“Can someone please direct the drunk Italian to the living room before he hurts himself?”

“I got it.” Natasha patted Jack’s shoulder after pulling out a mess of storage containers, taking Brock’s arm to steer him over to sit with her.

“Hey you guys notice the snow still coming down out there?”

Bucky pulled away to look only to shove on some shoes he had on a shoe rack and go running outside, trampling down the stairs with everyone stopping to follow him out. The ground had collected a thick blanket of snow by then, not yet dark and already past calves. Bucky scooped up a handful to throw it up and watch the light powder rain over his head. 

Nat lightly elbowed her boyfriend, “You had to go point out the snow, didn’t you?”

Clint could only grin and helplessly shrug, pulling on his own shoes to go outside, Johnny doing the same thing, with Lucky not far behind.

Steve folded his arms over his chest and watched Johnny chase Bucky through it throwing his arms around from behind and whirl him in a tight little circle. The pair of them collapsed in a bank by the fence and laughed together while Bucky rolled sideways to gather a loose handful of snow to give Jo a face wash and Storm leaned in to smother his wet face into Bucky's, trapping him in his arms as he struggled to get away from the cold. 

The others went back inside to stay by the cozy warmth of the fireplace and Steve figured he should finish up some of the cleaning before joining them in the living room. He turned around just to feel a snowball bean him in the back of head and he let out a surprised yell, frost and icy water slipping under his collar and sinking down his back. He sharply turned only to see everyone handling snowballs and him having no idea who to blame. 

It wasn’t until Bucky made a few cautious steps behind Johnny that he realized and Steve immediately moved to gather the snow collected across the railing of the deck.

“Steve don’t you dare.”

“Oh I dare, I do dare.”

Bucky believed him, fully hiding himself behind his friend with hands firmly planted on hips. Johnny laughed, trying to assist in getting Steve a clean shot but Bucky only stuck to his back like glue. Clint finally managed to sneak over and stick a small amount down the back of Bucky’s shirt, causing him to yelp and jump away, a snowball hitting him cleanly at the side of his face.

“Oh my God, Clint! _Steve_!”

Bucky’s whine almost made Steve apologize but he caught himself, shaking his head with a wiggling finger, “You started it! Hitting me when my back’s turned of all ways.”

Sticking out his tongue in retaliation, Steve went inside only to put on his shoes and come back out squatting to gather up some more snow in his hands while Clint and Johnny exchanged looks and began inching away from Bucky.

“What are you doing?” Bucky let out nervously as he watched his friends ditch him and Steve stalk down the stairs making the ball more compact and tight between his palms.

“I thought you felt like tossing some snowballs around Buck.”

Bucky saw the mischievous gleam in his eye and started to back up but it was too late, Steve took quick aim and threw, nailing Bucky hard in the cheek.

Standing startled for a moment, Bucky sputtered out the snow left packed between his lips as he narrowed his eyes and grinned evilly, “You’re so fuckin’ dead Rogers, I swear..”

Steve started running, Clint and Johnny getting out of their way as the other two broke out in a full out snowball war. It didn’t last too long though, full stomachs slowing them down as their fight degraded into throws turning cumbersome and dive and ducks away from snowballs were only weak half-ass attempts from each other.

For Steve, just watching Bucky going through fits of laughter red faced and wide eyed was everything to him, on top of trying to chase him while he himself struggled to breathe while his lungs were on fire. He made one last ditch attempt to catch him, diving forward and tackling Bucky at his waist as they both crashed into a heap of soft undisturbed snow at the back end of the yard. They struggled and fought only to have Bucky ending up on his back, looking up at Steve who was threatening to press a handful of snow over his face. 

He ducked his head away, helplessly giggling but trying to push away the offending arm, “No! Steve please! You win! You win! I'm surrendering!”

Steve grinned maniacally raising his brows, his free arm pinning down the arm not fighting him back, “Are you sure Buck? I could still do what I want and be the winner, it’s not like you’re going anywhere.”

The expression across Bucky’s face was unreadable at first, a smoldering smile slowly blooming across his features matching mischievous eyes and Steve couldn’t help his gaze darting across red lips before going back to stormy greys.

“If you have to..” Bucky breathed out, low and teasing and Steve had no idea whatsoever how to handle how loaded that comment was.

“Hey, Assholes! Nat says to stop humping in the snow and get back inside to have dessert!”

Bucky’s eyes went wide matching Steve’s, the both of them turning their faces to find Johnny gone and Clint holding a steaming cup of something and waving his arm from the deck. 

“Oh my God..” Bucky muttered, rolling his eyes as he dropped his head back into the snow with a light thump.

Losing himself in a laugh, Steve dropped his face against Bucky’s dampened sweater, “Some friends we got huh?”

Bumping his head against his friend’s, he gently pushed him back so they could get their feet, Steve quickly getting to his to pull Bucky up effortlessly and dust him off. 

Bucky did the same, brushing out clumps of snow out of Steve’s beard and hair, “M’sorry for them.”

“It woulda been funnier if we _were_ humping in the snow.” Steve let out with a playful wink, nudging Bucky to start walking back towards the house.

“That’s a terrible joke and humping in the snow sounds too cold.”

They made it up the steps, Bucky stepping into the doorway only to get blocked off by Johnny from crossing it entirely, positioning himself so neither of them could pass.

Bucky brushed off more snow clinging to his sides, “Okay why are you blocking the way?”

Storm only looked up at the frame then and shrugged, Clint walking over to follow where he had been looking.

“Uh,” Steve followed his gaze with Bucky and they both saw the mistletoe above Bucky’s head.

“Isn’t that cheating when you block someone from entering so that they’re under it?” Bucky questioned, frowning even though he couldn’t get himself to move out of the doorway. 

Shrugging at him, Clint smirked like it wasn’t a big deal, “Hey it’s tradition. Steve noticed it, you gotta kiss him now! You’re all about tradition Barnesy! ”

“Tradition!” Brock barked out from inside the kitchen as he grabbed another beer, hoisting it at them in a salute before stumbling back to the couch.

"Technically, I don't think me saying uh means I pointed it out though.." 

Rolling his eyes a little Bucky knew he wasn’t going to get out of it unless he broke the rules and he wasn’t about to do that and offend Santa Claus and baby Jesus at once not that he was sure he could exactly. He tugged Steve close to him, pressing them both in the frame, “Come on Rogers, let’s get this over with.”

“You’re a charmer.”

Bucky leaned in close by Steve’s ear, lowering his voice as he tilted his head close, bottom lip barely brushing by the lobe of his ear, “You don’t know how damn charming I can be.” 

Steve felt the shiver run through the entirety of his body in one quick snap and he was very sure that Bucky was correct in that assumption. There was a small snicker beside him and the brunette drew back, playfully shoving Johnny in the chest with a laugh, Clint had been leaning against an arm sending them both stepping backwards.

Steve caught Bucky by surprise as he shifted on impulse and crowded into his friend’s space pressing him against the doorway, cupping cheeks as he gingerly coaxed him to look his way. His thumbs pressed against soft lips as a barrier before he pressed a kiss in as tradition told him to drawing back just as hands lightly gripped at his arms. He smiled, a hint of amusement to Bucky’s surprised expression as he drew one hand away and softly pressed his thumb pad across Bucky’s lower lip.

“Tradition, right?”

Bucky blushed, trying to hide it away as he was nodding and turning to go inside, pretending to be busy getting out of his wet clothes, “Yep, got it covered.”

“Now _that’s_ cheating.” Johnny pointed out with a grin.

He was so struck Bucky didn’t see Clint walk over and hug him from behind, arm sliding around his neck to playfully put him in an headlock and make a mess of his hair. Bucky let out a surprised cry and stood upright again only to get his face grabbed and lips smacked hard into his. He laughed, immediately looking up to see that same mistletoe above him that Johnny got him with after dinner.

“Tradition!”

Bucky grinned, catching Steve laughing at him, “I’m gonna be full up on my kiss quota at this rate, whatever it is.”

\-----

Steve still couldn’t believe Bucky came downstairs arm in arm with Clint wearing a reindeer sweater where the nose lit up; The. Nose. Fucking. Lit. Up. It was ridiculous and absolutely adorable. Clint had a sexy Santa with ho, ho, ho appropriately splashed across it. 

He watched him finish off another little punch bowl glass of spiked eggnog and slide off the couch onto the floor, fixing his Santa hat and pouring himself over the bunched blankets sitting there with his eyes fixated on the TV menu screen and his arms perilously thrown over his head, belly exposed without a care in sight.

Jack was trying to pick one of the Christmas classic movies to play in the muted background while they could sit around and share stories or play a game, a collective round of laughter and encouraging cheers broke out at his side. He wasn’t entirely sure what it was over, fixated on sifting through the numerous films to pick out the right one for everyone. 

He felt something sit on his head too late to realize it was the stupid mistletoe hat Johnny have been wearing around and Brock’s hand suddenly clamped down on his shoulder and his other arm tugged at his sweater, pulling him sideways and meeting a wet sloppy kiss to his cheek.

“What the..?”

Everyone clapped and he barely registered sounds of cameras taking pictures then another kiss to his temple, arms tightening around his neck before he was attacked a third time by another alcohol tinged eggnog kiss straight on his mouth.

Bucky cheered with a fist in the air and Brock nuzzled his face into Jack’s neck happily. 

Rollins frowned, “Why are you all encouraging his goddamn drunk ass?”

“I ain’t drunk!”

“It’s fun.” Natasha said simply.

“It is!” Bucky squeaked out as he got up, tripping over someone’s foot and falling on top of Jack and Brock. He hugged Jack tight and pressed his face against his cheek giving him a loud raspberry, “Tradition!”

“Bucky pull up your pants, there’s way too much crack for my comfort level.” Sam called out as he shied his face away, laughing against Clint’s shoulder.

Jack did it for him, giving his butt a spank after watching Bucky stick his tongue out at him and roll over, sitting on his thigh while Steve was facepalming over the train wreck that was this family style gathering. 

Jack tugged the hat off, placing it on Bucky’s head, “All of you can go kiss him instead of me. He likes kisses.” 

Raising his head from against Jack’s neck, Brock looked around before spying the hat and tried climbing over Jack’s lap to give Bucky a kiss. 

The brunette laughed when Rollins shoved Rumlow away watching him ungracefully hit the floor, free hand protecting his crotch just to be on the safe side of things and Brock made grabby hands for Bucky, “Buck, Buck c’mere gimmie a kiss!”

Bucky laughed, kneeling down on the floor beside his head and leaning down to give Brock a kiss to his lips before sitting up again with a crinkle of his nose and the back of his hand to his mouth, “Ew Brock you were droolin'!”

“I can do that, it’s okay I’m Italian!” 

Clint and Sam were beside themselves with laughter, falling into Johnny while Natasha and Steve looked at each other, shaking their heads.

Figuring this was probably the best time than any before alcohol really began to effect all the guys that weren't named Brock, Natasha pulled herself up and went upstairs. Brock got back on the couch only to lay out half sprawled out over Jack, drinking another beer from only God knows where while Jack didn’t even have the energy to ask anymore.

Natasha came back and held out an envelope, “This is for all of you, it’s from Clint and I.”

Steve raised his brows, putting his glass of punch down looking at her then at Clint who was smiling patiently. Bucky moved to sit beside Steve and their eyes met in question wondering if he knew what was inside but Bucky only stared at the item as confused as every other person in the room. Brock squinted at the item, pulling Jack to sit closer to the edge of the couch with him, Sam and Johnny shrugged when Jack looked at them.

Sam grinned wide peering around, “Well? Who’s going to do the honors?” 

Before anyone could pipe up, Natasha steered it to Bucky, pressing it in his hands with a smile, “You should open it Kotyonok. I know you would want to.”

His brows shot up, taking it, “Me? Really?” 

She nodded, gesturing for him to go ahead. Everyone eager and excited on what it could be.

Giving his arm an encouraging squeeze, Steve nodded, “Come on Buck, we’re going to be old men by the time you get that open.”

Bucky rolled his eyes, “Please.”

He grabbed the envelope and opened it only to have a more confused look on his face when he pulled out a Polaroid, “What am I looking- what the hell?”

He held it out to her, Steve making out a bathroom counter before it was out of his view again, “Is this real?”

Natasha nodded, “Yes, they’re real. I know it’s still early but it’s Christmas and figured we should tell you all. Let you guys in on why I haven’t been drinking the few weeks.” 

Sitting there stunned, Steve lightly shook Bucky’s arm, “You okay Buck?” 

Bucky didn’t look at him, instead he moved his head to look at Natasha and then abruptly burst into tears. 

“Oh no! He’s crying!” Brock blurted out, fumbling to get to his feet but fell off the couch instead, laying there for a moment, Natasha moving out to press his head to her stomach and hold him close. “What’s wrong James?”

Steve caught the snapshot of positive pregnancy tests, raising his brows in surprise, definitely early but he was glad for them, passing the picture to Sam.

Bucky held her tight, rubbing his cheek lightly against her blouse, a hand softly patting her flat stomach before he got up and hugged her, “You’re going to have a baby! A little tiny baby, we’re all going to have a baby and- ” Bucky’s eyes widened, “I’m going to be an uncle, oh my God. I’m an uncle right? I’m an idiot how do you even uncle? I don’t even know!” 

Johnny laughed from his spot, “Buck, you’ll be a great uncle!”

Natasha held him close, “You will and you are but I wanted to ask you something else."

Brock narrowed his eyes at Jack, “We’re fuckin’ pregnant?” 

Jack shook his head giving Rumlow a pat on the head trying to pay attention to Natasha, “You should sleep on the floor there Brock.”

Bucky wiped his eyes, staring at her as Clint stood up beside her when she reached for his hand, “Clint and I decided to ask you if you want to be the baby’s godfather. Is that okay with you and please James don’t cry again Clint might join you if you do.”

The blond nodded with a sheepish smile, an honest look of humility across his face, “Yeah Barnesy, I think I stopped crying a couple days ago.”

Bucky could only stare at them in awe, Steve reaching up to hold his hand giving it squeeze as he smiled up at Bucky, “Buck, I don’t know anyone else who would love that baby as much as you would aside from their parents.”

Biting at his lip, he looked at Steve with a helpless nod before looking at Natasha who was agreeing with Steve.

“He’s right you know.”

Drawing in a breath, Bucky nodded, taking one of Clint’s hands and one of Natasha’s, “Of course I will, of course!”

He leaned over to address her stomach, “You hear that baby? Your parents screwed up already and I accepted so fat cheese!”

Clint burst out laughing, “Well it won’t be the first time, I mean look who the dad is.”

Natasha playfully pushed Bucky back onto the couch, “There’s barely a baby there right now, you’ll have plenty of time to warp my child in a few months.” 

“An uncle and a godfather! Wow.” Bucky got up to his feet again and cupped Natasha’s face, planting a kiss to her lips grinning through new tears, “This is the best Christmas ever. I don’t know what else to say.”

Sam grinned, “You’d think he was the one that was going to have a baby.”

“Oh,” Jack shook his head, pointing at Sam, “You haven’t met Bucky when he’s overprotective. He ain’t sugar when he’s trying to protect his own. He almost pushed some poor guy down the stairs when I was still learning to walk again. We were walking a little in my hospital room and they suggested I move around the halls slowly. I was doing well and some guy suddenly got in the path we were taking and Buck almost lost it.”

Eyes went on Bucky and he crinkled his nose, “He was on his phone and in our way! Jack doesn’t need someone in his way okay? He was doing good, he had momentum!”

Brock snorted from the floor, waving a hand, “You tell em Kid!”

Stealing a cookie from off one of the dessert plates, Johnny made a noise of agreement, “I gotta tell you, there’s more than a few times Bucky’s punched people for attempting to call me a slut.” 

Sam listened to a soft murmur of agreement and Bucky rolled his eyes, “People shouldn’t call other people sluts, it’s damn rude.” 

Clint smiled, both he and Natasha settling back on the couch, “That’s how I met Buck. Grant was picking on me and he came out of nowhere like a bat outta hell. Before I even knew who he was he was protective of me, probably because I was getting my ass kicked and wouldn’t keep my smart ass mouth shut.”

“Okay, seriously for the record. Grant Ward picking on a deaf guy, I didn’t need an excuse to kick his ass. He’s an asshole but I did want to talk to you. I just didn’t know how to.” He smiled at Clint, signing _I love you_ to him.

Warm and fond, Clint signed it back.

Steve grinned at Clint knowing the feeling, it was only then when he realized his hand was still holding on to Bucky’s and Bucky never corrected it. It was nice and no one seemed to mind even with all the mess of last week, he wasn’t sure if Brock may say something, still half under the coffee table to really be a bother right then anyway. He encouragingly patted the hand under his, “Always have to look out for everyone, don’t you?”

Turning his head, Bucky only looked at him, no smile or frown, he seemed to just be at a level of peace, “You’re all important to me.”

Brock pulled himself up, startling everyone when he banged his head on the table, rubbing the spot with a sore groan. He sat back against the couch and sighed, gesturing absently towards Bucky, “Bucky saved my sorry ass from drownin’ back when we were teenagers. Got my ass caught in..what was it Jackie..?”

Jack looked soft then, a thoughtful expression across his face, “A rip current.”

Brock grinned, “Yeah, _that_. I didn’t know what was goin’ on, it was pulling me away and I was fighting it. My whole damn body was on fire from tryin’ so damn hard and I just wanted to stop, you know? An’ he jumped in not worryin’ about himself and saved me. Hate the fuckin’ water.” 

Silence fell around them and Brock looked at Jack, dropping his head against his friend’s arm, fingers rustling into his black hair. Steve looked at Sam with a small smile, a loaded grateful look on his face before he glanced at Bucky watching Brock with a tiny smile.

“Sam saved me so many times, I was reckless and stupid. Got into fights and ran my mouth a lot. I was impulsive and stubborn. I wanna think now I might be those things but it’s not as bad as before..but Sam. He was always there to back me up no matter how much of a death wish I seemed to have.” 

Snorting softly, the brunette shook his head as he sipped at his wine, “Well who else was gonna deal with your crap?”

Bucky abruptly raised his head in realization, “I’m gonna have to move.”

The moment it came out of his mouth he was instantly scared. This place was a safe haven for him and his insides seemed to feel uncomfortable and painful. The brownstone was where he could hide where no one bad could follow him because they had no freedoms there.

Clint and Natasha seemed to feel it too, all at once they make a sound of protest, shaking their heads at him as Lucky moved away from their legs to approach Bucky and lick his chin.

“Listen, you two are going to have a _baby_. He or she deserves their own room. We have to decorate it, get them furniture, the works!”

Bucky knew the baby was more important than him trying to hide all the time.

“James, there’s still that small spare room upstairs we use for storage or the lower level you could use as a bedroom.”

He only shook his head quickly, “You’re going to need both areas for extra room, my art supplies already take up half the place down in the basement there. I’m going to have to move all that stuff out too.”

“Kotyonok, what if we need you?”

He smiled gently, “I’m always going to be here if you need me, I just need a place like Jack or Brock. Hell, Johnny has his own place, so does Steve and so does Sam!”

Steve watched Natasha pause, thinking and assessing. He knew that look, the _mothering_ look. He had seen the exact same expression on his ma’s face when he said he was thinking of moving in with Sam. She was glad he was moving out into life but absolutely afraid of losing him because she wasn’t there to protect him. He knew Natasha was probably taking care of all of them in her own way since they were kids, keeping an eye on all of them _especially_ Buck. 

“Well,” She drew out carefully, “You still have a long while, maybe late summer before you even need to do anything about it so take your time.”

Relaxing a little, Bucky nodded, “I know but I have to start figuring something out.”

“You could move in with me.” Johnny suggested.

Everyone abruptly made a sound of discouragement, Bucky and Johnny’s brows going up in surprise.

“You two would never leave the place, no Bucky, don’t do that.” Jack warned.

Sam was in absolute agreement as was everyone else giving Johnny a humored shake of his head and Bucky started laughing, pressing his hands to his face, “You guys..”

\-----

Lost for a second, Steve managed to find more wine glasses hidden at the top shelf of the glass cabinet, setting a pair down catching Bucky walking by him to the bowl of fruit and a playful smile. He gave him a smile back and returned to pick up a bottle filling one glass just before he felt something small pelt the back of his head. He looked to the side in confusion to see a grape innocently rolling along the floor, another bouncing off his cheek and off into another direction. His eyes turned to see Bucky grinning and eating a couple of grapes from a cluster he was holding in his hand.

"Are you having fun?"

"As a matter of fact, I am."

He threw another one, watching it bounce off Steve's head and Steve lunged at him, Bucky easily skirting his arms and scrambling away with a yelp.

"C'mere you!"

"No!" 

Steve tripped over a chair as Bucky ran around it and bumped his hip into it to block him, throwing another grape over his shoulder around another char, Steve attempted to move away but watched it hit his arm, "Bucky!"

Natasha turned to look over the couch, "What are those two doing?"

Johnny didn't look up, shuffling a deck of cards, "Flirting."

Sam nodded in agreement, "Mhm. I guess I'm not getting my glass of wine any time soon."

A pair of grapes went flying over into the living room, Jack watching them sail on through, "You could collect those and make your own."

Laughing, Clint raised his eggnog, "Just stick to the boozy nog." He brought the glass to his lips, finding a grape in his drink, "..When did..?"

"Steve! _No_!"

Bucky thundered across the floor, Lucky barking and hopping around excitedly; Brock raised his head in confusion watching Bucky climb on the couch hopping over his legs. Steve was smart enough not to follow the brunette's lead, moving around the coffee table and around Johnny to cut Bucky off by Jack.

Sam grabbed at Lucky's collar to keep the dog from running after them or eating the grapes off the floor, raising a free hand up, "Hey hey hey you two!"

"Hey..stop it, fuckin'- " A grape bounced off Brock's head and his mouth shut closed, scowling instead.

Jack managed to grab Bucky's arm before he hopped over his lap and off the other end of the couch, Steve tackled him to the floor and the both of them fell in a heap.

Natasha sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose as she gazed at Clint, "You want to bring a child into this home?"

Smiling wide, Clint took her hand gently bringing it up to kiss her knuckles, "I’m not sure I’m ready but with these guys around to support us, yes."

Steve rolled off Bucky the second he made a soft pained sound, whimpering and bemoaning as he pulled himself up to sit on his knees.

"Whats wrong Buck?"

Bucky's Christmas sweater was covered with the aftermath of crushed grapes, holding up the main stem of his fruit all squished from him landing on them, "My grapes.."

"Least it wasn't your plums." Brock retorted, laughing to himself.

\-----

Steve watched Johnny and Bucky dancing together, Storm taking one of his hands and the both of them swinging hips and shoulders in and out to Madonna’s Holiday; Natasha and Sam near them dancing together while Clint was singing happily away on the karaoke microphone and doing impromptu moves straight from back when with his face flushed a cherry red and sweater lost away already and down to his t-shirt.

He couldn’t help grin over it, catching Jack getting up from the couch to get a new drink leaving Brock tossing back and forth trying to find a comfortable position. A hand clapped over his shoulder as he went by, “Yeah, they’re all _always_ like this during the holidays. Welcome to eighties.” 

Grinning and raising his drink, Steve nodded, “I’m glad I love that era then.”

Jack smiled in agreement, twisting the top off his beer and tossing it into the trash, he sat back down beside Brock again who collapsed himself into his friend’s side in habit reaching for the new beer as Jack wore a long suffering expression and retorting something as he relinquished the bottle that Steve was pretty sure was close along the lines that he should have asked for one.

Half dancing, half walking around everyone, he held another glass of wine for Sam to pluck out of his hand, who was still dancing with his upper body while he was drinking, his free hand twirling Steve around with a grin before the blond turned and snatched Natasha up in his arms to dance with her. Natasha was all smiles, moving into his arms with ease and adjusting to her new dance partner.

“You’re such a good dancer, why are you wasting it sulking in the kitchen?”

They turned as he lightly rested a hand at the small of her back, “Not sulking.”

She shrugged the hand curled on his shoulder, giving him a disapproving shake of her head, “I’ve practically grown up with four boys, I know when they are sulking, brooding or pretending to not care.”

The burst of laughter from Johnny by his side caused Steve’s face to twitch a little and Natasha nodded, “Oh I see.”

“No, not oh. There’s nothing to oh about.”

“Okay then.”

He rolled his eyes and Nat only smiled innocently at him.

“Are you enjoying yourself?”

For the first time this evening really he paused a second on a beat before picking up again and nodded, “Yeah, actually I am. Aside from being threatened with bodily harm it’s been a really nice evening. All of you are great together, nice of you to let Sam and I be here to share it..especially because of a new baby, congratulations by the way.”

They turned and Sam danced along with Clint, the pair almost collided into them, all sharing a laugh before Natasha was looking only at him again and patting his shoulder gently, “Thank you. It’s good that you’re here, now if only you would quit pouting.” 

Steve opened his mouth to argue but it shut right up the second one precise eyebrow went up. Brock walked into the coffee table pushed to the side, startling the glasses and bottles there. Natasha turned and sighed at the spilled beers, Jack pulling Brock upright.

“I’m sorry Nat, I’ll clean it up. He just wanted to go have a smoke outside.”

She turned back to Steve, giving him a smile before she pulled away to look for a dish towel, “Duty calls.”

He watched as she gingerly guided Brock to stand, pressing a hand on his cheek after brushing his hair off his forehead, he broke out a grin and gave her a hug before she passed him off to Jack and the both of them stepped out through the back door to catch a smoke.

Steve wandered himself over to the spiked eggnog, taking a small cup of it and helping clean up some of empties as Nat sopped up the beer on the floor, finishing it off with a damp second cloth to remove any residue and patting it dry. It didn’t seem all too problematic and he cleared up just enough so there was more space for everyone to set down drinks and plates.

Steve drank down his eggnog watching Sam, Clint and Natasha all together in a small little circle and dancing about in the middle of the living room amongst the bright festivity loving lights twinkling away. They were all chatting together and smiling away like they had always done Christmas like this and it was definitely fit for one of those perfect little aesthetically pleasing social media images he tended to see on the internet from time to time. He caved and took out his phone, taking a couple of shots and uploading it to his Instagram with a grin on his face soaking in the energy.

It was then that the song switched to something random again and familiarity kicked in immediately when Ho Hey started, remembering when he would constantly listen to it trying not to frown to lyrics hitting him much too close to home. 

_I've been trying to do it right_  
_I've been living a lonely life_  
_I've been sleeping here instead_  
_I've been sleeping in my bed,_  
_Sleeping in my bed_

Johnny grinned watching them, patting the beat with both hands against his thighs as he sat in the armchair, singing at the side until Sam pulled him in with them. Steve felt himself easily give in to a grin, Sam catching his eye when the next verse came up, pointing directly at him and prompting him to join in, " _So show me family, all the blood that I would bleed.._ "

Steve shook his head because Sam _knew_ how much he loved this song so of course he took the prompt with gusto, “ _I don't know where I belong, I don't know where I went wrong_..”

Bucky came out of the kitchen and moved around the pushed back couch going along with the music and Steve felt his legs working before his brain was catching Bucky's attention. He grinned at the brunette, hands out for him nodding along to the music, “.. _I belong with you, you belong with me-_ ”

Bucky’s eyes caught his as he giggled in amusement taking his hands, “ _-You're my sweetheart_..”

Steve warmed, grasping hands and turning Bucky around to hold his back tight to his chest, swaying to the music and lost in the clandestine thoughts in his head as Bucky's hand reached up softly cupping his bearded cheek and Steve leaned into it never wanting to let him go.

“.. _I don't think you're right for him, look at what it might have been_.." He trailed off, realizing too late he was singing in Bucky's ear and lost in the real statement behind it but Bucky made no attempt to take it as some relaying message, leaning his back securely against his chest as the pads of his fingers softly stroked at Steve’s trimmed beard and he hummed to the song following his lead. He accepted a gentle twirl returning to face him, eyes closed and content under tinsel and perfect simple lights. Arms came up and around Steve’s neck and he was happy being there with him.

“.. _I belong with you, you belong with me-_ ”

“ _-You're my sweetheart_..”

Steve sang for him and Bucky sang back to him, palms smoothed out against the small of his back and Bucky played with the ends of his hair, grey eyes eventually opening and mouthing the chorus with him so earnestly. All of it was just simple and perfect and it was all covered in a thin layer of sadness for Steve, the song ending much too soon.

Bucky pulled away, smiling at him like he was promising him another dance later before he turned to catch Natasha and pull her into his arms the second Wham! started to play and the both of them fell into step together as they always did.

Steve supposed it was a good chance to slip away and have a moment to himself, easily reaching the front door without anyone seeing where he had gone. It was still faintly snowing, the cold air biting and sharp but in that same moment he felt like he couldn’t even go back in, not yet anyway thinking about all the cheer and happiness behind him. He had no idea if he was doing anything right anymore and the one person he could have divulged himself entirely to wasn’t even here anymore.

Natasha let out a soft breath, leaning against Bucky as the last song after ended after dancing together through a couple, “Phew, I think it’s time for a little rest I’m feeling warm from all the dancing.”

He grinned, crashing down on the couch beside Johnny with her between them, “You have been dancing a lot beside a fireplace, want me to get you something to drink?”

“A water if you can.”

Bucky pulled himself up and grabbed a water and a beer, handing the bottle to Johnny after noticing he was running low. He looked around to see where Steve had gone to, Sam and Clint singing back and forth to Human League while Lucky howled along and Rollins fought to keep a straight face as he listened to Brock talk about something or other with a gift bow on his head but there was no Steve.

“Where’s Steve?”

Johnny shrugged, “I haven’t seen him since you two were dancing. Maybe he left early?”

“He wouldn’t just leave..”

His friend could only shrug and Bucky set off upstairs, looking in his room and wandering up to the front windows wondering if maybe he did leave. There was movement down at the stoop and he sighed to himself, heading to the front door.

Bucky pulled the throw he grabbed off the bed a little tighter around his shoulders as he stepped foot outside onto the stoop, finding Steve standing still by himself on the top of the steps staring off, snow clinging to his clothes.

“Hey you, everyone thought you left with Stark already.”

The blond turned his head, glancing over his shoulder watching Bucky come up and stand beside him pulling one end of his blanket so it went across Steve’s shoulders as he rested his head against an arm, “It’s cold out here.”

Steve dropped his head, nodding to him, “Yeah, I just..wanted some time alone to think.” 

There was a pause between them, Bucky’s arm going around his, nose brushing lightly against the thin material of his shirt, “Can I help?”

He shook his head, “I’m not sure, it’s just hard you know? It comes in and sometimes I don’t know how to handle it.” 

“Maybe I don’t know how it feels, well not the specific reason behind how you feel,” Fingers ran along his arm, “But you can always use me. I don’t mind.”

The idea lingered along the edges of Steve’s mind taken over by grief but the words floated along and left a small spark of fierce protection simmering just underneath it all, just out of reach emotionally but his hand came up, pressing against Bucky’s cheek softly.

“I don’t need that from you.”

“Then what?”

Steve stared into blue grey eyes, eyes that always gave him a certain look, so fond and trusting like he deserved that gaze. He wasn’t sure if Bucky was aware of how substantial it was, index finger delicately tracing the shell of his ear and catching the lobe between fingers. Bucky only stayed still and patient for him even as they stood surrounded by the bitter cold, drawing his hand away, “Nothing.”

_Everything._

Shaking that thought loose, he forced himself to turn back to looking out ahead like he had originally when Bucky found him. 

“Steve?”

He drew in a breath, easing it out gently, “I just miss her so much, especially around the holidays.”

Wrapping his arms around Steve’s slim waist, Bucky waited until he felt a head rest against his, snuggling against his side when he did, “I’m sorry.”

Steve thought to himself as he moved his arm over and draped it around Bucky’s waist like it was anchoring him there suddenly, “We’re all together just having a good time and I can’t help thinking about how much she would have enjoyed seeing that. She’s always been so involved, wanted to make sure everyone was having a good time and they were happy. She’d always be cooking a big meal and baking multiple things. Our home would be decorated for whatever special day it would be and it would always smell nice, everything would be warm and welcoming.”

He looked away, blinking back the onrush of tears, “I miss her Buck, I miss her so much it hurts bad.”

A hand tucked against the side of his neck and Steve felt Bucky pull him in, “C’mere..”

Arms safe and secure wrapped tightly around his neck promising without words that he would never let him go unless Steve wanted him to and all he could do was cling to Bucky like a life support, body warm and present to whatever he needed. Fingers found themselves going into his hair and Steve felt the hot flush of tears coming, his body trembling as he cried into Bucky’s shoulder, dull nails dragging along his scalp and petting him. 

Bucky didn’t tell him how he _may_ know how he felt, or how it would be alright, he only held him in the silence surrounded by the chill of the cold and Steve wanted to be nowhere else but safe here being taken into his arms.

He didn’t know how long it was before Bucky drew back, hands gently stroking along his arms and awakening that soft smoldering love inside of him again. He smiled gratefully, hugging Bucky again.

“You can use my room if you still want to be alone, I don’t really want you freezing out here.”

Steve looked at him, grasping his hand, “I’ll be okay, it would be more you I’m worried about.”

“M’fine.” Bucky informed even though Steve could already see his nose and the tips of his ears glowing a darkening red.

He reached up and cupped cooling cheeks, Bucky’s eyes closing as he settled into them head absently rubbing into one palm so closely comparable to a kitten in need of affection. 

With that love awoke that ache.

“Let’s get inside huh?”

Grey eyes met up with him and Bucky nodded in agreement.

\-----

Johnny picked over some of the food left out for snacking, taking one of the chicken wings as he sidled up beside Steve, “How come you’re not out there dancing?"

Tensing a little, Steve tried to not make it so obvious, “I was getting a drink, plenty of time to dance."

The new music track changed to something he didn’t know, Clint joining Bucky to dance and Johnny only lingered as he watched. Steve contemplated moving towards the couch, not sure he was up for talking to Storm, the basement thing still fresh in his mind every time he looked at him and frankly he was feeling downright sore about it.

“He’s waiting for you to go over there and dance with him again you know. He keeps looking our way.”

Feeling himself shrug, Steve sipped at his beer, “Probably wondering where you went.”

“Are you sure? Pretty sure it’s you he wants to dance with.”

Not a second passed that Steve wished that was true, maybe it was partially but not entirely. He said nothing.

Johnny side stepped closer, their shoulders almost bumping into each other, “You don’t think he’s been waiting to dance with you the rest of the night until you have to leave all this time Rogers?”

Steve didn’t know how to take that, opening his mouth to say something but thinking better of it, “You must be getting your wires mixed up Storm.”

Looking his way, Johnny watched him before he turned back to toss the bone into the trash and wipe his fingers clean on one of the paper napkins, “If you think so, just don’t give him mixed signals.”

“I have a boyfriend, if you didn’t happen to notice.” 

Johnny smiled at him, eyes studying and Steve felt mildly irritated all of a sudden. There was no challenge, no threat but it still bothered him, like Storm was looking at him and judging his true intentions but pretending he wasn’t. It felt like that every time he came into contact with someone that knew Bucky, that he wasn’t _good enough_ to be friends with him because they figured he was going to weasel himself in and do some serious damage because Bucky was letting him in with open arms and they wouldn’t tell him no. Save for Brock, Brock made his feelings clear, so very clear. He knew he was liked in general but it was just the subject of Bucky and he hated feeling like he was under a microscope.

He supposed that was already going on so he couldn’t blame them but he never meant any of that, he only wanted to have that friendship Bucky offered and so he accepted it. Rekindling that perfect way they had together back in the day even if it was only a small bit of what was now.

Johnny didn’t seem to be listening either way, at least specifically to his reminder about Tony, absently rubbing his face, “Can’t help who you love though can you?”

Steve shrugged, he wasn’t really in a mood to talk about love to the guy that didn’t really feel the same way he did about it.

They stood together through the length of the song playing, Johnny picking up a cube of cheese with one of the toothpicks next to them and lightly bobbed his head. Steve didn’t say anything though he felt like he could have easily walked away and yet he wasn’t sure why he didn’t. Instead he watched Clint get dipped by Bucky, the both of them laughing when he was yanked back up and trying not to lose his balance because of the alcohol throwing his equilibrium off.

“..Bucky's one of those people where nature blessed him with beauty, a heart and a magic about him that combined often ends up intriguing bad things with or without his knowledge.” Johnny took a sip of his beer, gazing fondly at Bucky collaring his arm around Clint’s neck as they talked, “It attracts different people to him, they want what he has even if they don't know what it is he has. They just want his energy, this kind of..light he has to him.”

Steve frowned, his words sounding suddenly a lot like he was alluding to a cryptic warning. 

“I didn't take you as someone who was poetic Storm even if I’m fully aware of what Bucky attracts unconsciously.” he muttered out.

At the corner of his eye he watched Johnny grin.

“I'm not, except when it comes to Bucky. He's not normal,” He pointed in the brunette's direction with two fingers, his other two holding the neck of his beer bottle, “He makes me think different. _He's special_.”

Swallowing down the last of the beer in his own bottle, Steve gave the man beside him a furtive glance and walked away towards the back door, opening it to toss the bottle into the bin of empties feeling Johnny follow him all the way while fishing out a gold cigarette case in hand and casually stepping outside.

“Listen, we do a lot of things together behind closed doors, but I know he deserves one person. His _one_. I'm not that for him, I’m just a surrogate. If it's you, I know with how you admitted things at that party you really want it to be you, then you need to get your shit together.”

It was blunt and to the point, a flash of anger briefly crossing Steve’s face before it dispersed and he just stared as Johnny found his lighter and opened the container only to pull out a joint, lighting it up.

“I have been trying to get my shit together. You know what it’s like to want someone who you can’t have because you love the person you’re with yet you keep thinking about them and fucking up, second guessing everything because it’s not what feels right and nothing seems correct? Do you?” He raked a hand through his hair, Johnny watching quietly, “No, I guess you don’t because you have the freedom to do what you want. You don’t need to have someone to be happy. You get Bucky, you get one night stands, you probably have other friends you like meeting up with and it’s easy. I can’t do what you do. I can’t and I _know_ Bucky is special, it’s not like I don’t fucking look at him like he’s made for more than this world because I know he is. I can see he is. You don’t have to ram it down my throat that I’m a damn mess too. I know I am.”

Blowing out a puff of smoke, Johnny shook his head, resting on his elbow up against the wood railing where the snow was cleared out, “I’m not ramming it down your throat, I’m not trying to challenge you. It’s the opposite, listen. He cares, you care. You two could make a great life together really, trust me I can see stupid looks and holding hands and all those cute coupley things people in love do but you can’t do _this_. What this all is, you have to fix yourself, I’m not ragging on you either Steve. I’m rootin’ for you if you really want to know but Buck, he doesn’t know what it’s like to be treated nice by someone that wants to be with him forever. It’s real depressing that he doesn’t get that and I want that for him. I can only do so much and I want you to get on those steps and try, I mean if you want to. Tony, yeah he’s okay and maybe you know that too..but maybe he’s not what _you_ need my friend and maybe what you need is Bucky.”

Steve only stood there watching Johnny smoke a few drags longer, easy for him to call things out and point fingers but he got what he was saying, watching him turn away to stare at the joint as he flicked the end across the snow filled ashtray sitting on top of the BBQ stand and smiling lightly, maybe a little apologetically.

“Hey I’m just an innocent bystander in all this but I say what I gotta say.”

They both turned to the door opening again and Bucky peeking out with a smile and a pair of coats, “Oh there you both are, getting high without me? Get on something damn warmer, it’s like a freezer out here.”

Johnny took another long drag before holding it out for him enthusiastically. They traded, Jo shrugging on his parka while Steve pulled on his peacoat.

“Clint, bring over something to drink and put on a coat!”

Bucky joined them on the deck, Clint following a minute after with shot glasses on his fingers and a full bottle of vodka in his hand, “I have arrived, we gonna smoke?”

Bucky passed along the joint as an answer, holding his hand out for Johnny to relinquish his case, taking another out to light while Clint took a quick puff and passed it on over, pouring out the shots on the small patio table after clearing it. 

Steve eyed the joint between his fingers before he finally took a drag sucking through his teeth to hold it in while passing it over to Johnny with the side of his mouth open just enough to speak, “You all peer pressured me if Sam asks.”

There was a soft murmur of acceptance though none of them, even Steve, believed they were gonna call that out if Sam started shit up if and when he caught them all. 

Bucky turned the outdoor speakers on and grabbed a shot, Queen playing out and Clint keeping the shots poured out as conversation started about this and that.

It was somewhere in between the obnoxious arguing over Aliens being better than Alien (Steve disagrees and so does Johnny) and something about specificity's on vampires and daylight that the pot and alcohol cocktail was slowing Steve’s system down and he sat out on one of the damp deck chairs absolutely in the conversation but legs directing his ass to find somewhere comfortable. His tongue felt like he had been licking carpet, there was no euphemism in that.

Johnny disappeared for a few seconds inside before he was back cradling a serving dish of whatever was left of the Italian sausage Brock made to his chest while sitting in another damp chair, “Bucky which one is it? You know the history of your lineage.”

Storm got the middle finger and one of his sausages stolen, also not a euphemism. 

“It doesn’t even fucking matter, vampires aren’t gonna implode at the first second they see sunlight, it’s like a damn slow burn. They can get outta it, trust me.” Bucky downed his vodka in between bites of food and grabbed Clint’s just because he was too slow to drink it not that the blond even noticed, he was tipping against the rail and slowly sliding to the floor.

“How can you..how can you even know. You’re not a vampire. Are you..?” Clint retorted back shabbily, reaching to drink his shot only to squint in confusion when he found it empty, half shrugging with the hand that was holding one of their too many joints.

“He is!” Johnny grinned, stretching out his legs as he let his body lay out boneless in the seat, “Loves the neck, don’t you Sweets?”

“ _Maybe_.” Bucky drawled out, rolling his eyes and bending over to take a toke while Clint was still holding on to it. The move sent him in a mildly dizzy spin of things, pulling himself upright way too fast and he giggled absently as he turned his gaze to Steve, “Stevie, would you care if I was a vampire?”

Steve lifted his heavy head, eyes half lidded and smiling, “You can be whatever you want Buck, whatever you want. I mean it.”

“You’re so dumb.” Bucky teased back, stepping over Clint’s sprawled out legs to wobble over and plant himself in his lap. “But you’re also damn cute as hell.”

He only smiled, dropping his face on Bucky’s shoulder as he hugged him tight around his waist mumbling something too muffled into his peacoat to make out.

Clint burped, refilling his shot glass and taking another drink, “You two are gross. Like gross gross not good gross.”

\-----

Brock stood up, hands grabbing at Jack and desperately pulling while his friend humored him, getting up with an expectant face.

“Dance with me Rawls.”

Chuckling lightly, Jack wrapped an arm around Brock to keep him from collapsing under his own legs, “Why are you all into dancing when you get drunk? You can’t even dance.”

“I’m fuckin’- ” Brock hiccuped, hooking an arm around Rollins’ neck, bumping his nose into a broad shoulder before pulling back and glaring with bleary eyes, “ -the best! Right Buck?”

Bucky was curled up in Steve’s arms on the couch and clearly more than happy and content to be there, opening his eyes to nod at his friend, “The best. Brock do the Pizzica with Jackie.”

Brock’s face lit up but Jack immediately pulled his friend in closer to keep him from bouncing all over the floor like a drunken elephant, “We’re fine like this.”

“You’re no fun.” Came from the pouting face pressed into Jack’s shoulder. 

“I never said I was fun sweetheart.” 

“No shit. Why do I love you?”

Bucky smiled knowingly at Jack who only smirked and rolled his eyes.

“You love me because no one else will put up with your dumb shit and sorry ass.”

Brock furrowed his brows as the two of them danced absently, Steve quietly watched Brock with glassy eyes, the male half leaning against Rollins for support, half shuffling with his arms tucked around ribs.

“Gotta nice ass. Always gettin’ compliments thank you very much fucker.”

Bucky was trying to hide his giggling, ducking his face away against Steve’s neck who was trying to sober up some before Tony showed, tapping the beat of the music against legs sprawled across his lap.

“What’s got you so giggly right now?”

Drawing back to look at him, Bucky smiled, the back of his fingers coming up as he stroked Steve’s facial hair,“Those two get me giggly, they’re so in love I can’t even think about how dumb they are.”

Steve smiled, his palm soothingly rubbing up and down Bucky’s back feeling his tucked away face pressing in tighter as he was letting out soft huffs of air between gales of gentle snickering laughter.

After the song ended, Jack directed Brock to sit down with him so he wasn’t causing anymore unnecessary accidents, everyone else settling down for a break too, music switching to holiday classics and the television playing the Grinch Who Stole Christmas on mute in the background.

Brock sprawled himself out on the loveseat with his socked candy cane feet that Bucky somehow convinced him into sticking off one end and his head resting in Jack’s lap watching everyone and occasionally the TV. He turned to look up observing him sipping at his beer before he rested it back against the card table to the side. 

“Jackie.”

“Hm?”

“Remember when I puked in yer shoes? I’m sorry.”

Bucky laughed _again_ , Jack glancing at the solemn sincerity in Brock’s browns like they always were when he brought up that story, then turned his gaze to Bucky knowing he caught Brock’s comment. He felt his sleeve get tugged to turn back to Brock and Jack only grinned, “It’s fine, it was a little while ago. I don’t care.”

“Naw Jack, naw. That was me bein’ a horrible friend Jackie. I drank way too much at that party an’ all you and Bucky did was take care of me after I puked all over the front of my fuckin’ shirt..”

Steve cringed and Bucky only laughed harder into his shoulder, trying to muffle it. 

Johnny joined in and sat closer on the floor between both seats grinning away and twisting the top off a new beer, “How much you drink Rumlow?”

Brock lifted his head off Jack’s lap to look towards the floor, squinting before taking a drink from his own bottle and dropping his head down again, “Too damn much. I went wild and drank everythin’ I could get my hands on and I fucked up. I fucked up so bad guys. I was so damned ‘mbarrassed but Jack and Buck took care of me. Got to the house but I couldn’t find the bathroom and turned the wrong damn way and puked in Jackie’s shoes!”

Bucky couldn’t stop laughing, smothering his hands against his face and Steve couldn’t stop either because of him, wrapping his arms around Bucky’s head to tuck him away and try to keep him quiet.

Jack couldn’t keep his face straight, nodding along and patting Brock’s head, “Yeah well, I needed new shoes anyway.”

“That’s pure love right there,” Johnny pointed out, moving his finger back and forth between the two of them lazily, “Any guy who forgives you for throwing up in his blessed shoes and talks to you the next day deserves a medal, or a good screw.”

Clint snorted unintentionally beside Sam and Natasha, the three of them flipping through old albums.

“How old were you Brock?” Sam asked when he looked up, grinning to himself.

“Sixteen.” Rollins let out, “Big idiot thought he was the man and he could handle it. He’s a cheap drunk. White girl wasted level drunk.”

Brock rolled over onto his side so he was peering up at Jack with cloudy eyes, tucking his elbow between Rollins’ thighs to keep his head up, “Jackie, remember after? When I couldn’t sleep?”

Everyone was all ears and Jack slowly sighed, nodding his head.

“Yeah I remember. The only way you would stay still and sleep was if I sang you a lullaby because all you kept doing was apologizing about puking on my shoes. So after we got you cleaned up and Bucky crashed, I took you to your room while you were still whining about my fucking shoes saying you would buy me new ones and for me not to be angry at you. Which I wasn't by the way and I kept telling you it was okay and you kept shaking your head and stuff, ignoring me. Finally you asked me to sing you to sleep, so I did. I was pretty sure you were going to punch me in the face because I sucked so bad at it or it wasn’t the way you wanted, but you actually fell asleep.”

A stupid idiotic smile appeared across Brock’s face, “I says maybe you ain’t gonna be famous but I like it when you sing Jackie.”

Smiling fondly, Rollins nodded to him, “Yeah?”

Everyone had then own sentimental expressions at the both of them, Sam giving Nat and Clint a look with a playful elbow while Bucky’s laughter died down and he peeked his head out to give Steve a roll of his eyes trying express in silence just how much these two were love sick losers. 

A mildly irritated groan escaped Brock and he nodded to his friend, poking him hard in the chest, “Yeah! Don’t question me about it fuckwit.”

Johnny laughed, dropping back against the floor awkwardly trying to drink from his bottle without spilling it over himself, Lucky settling down beside him, “Fucking true love right there..”

\-----

Steve sat in the back of the car, taking a momentary glance towards the lit up brownstone, a festive wreath hung against the door with movement behind curtains and lights twinkling away outside at him. Snow gently fell around the town car towards the ground in a slow wistful gale but nothing else was there for him and it bothered him to feel any sort of negative feeling towards what was happening no matter how tiny. He had a good time and he was going to continue his Christmas with his boyfriend so everything should have made sense, and yet, something felt unsettled within him. Before the vehicle pulled away, Lucky poked past curtains to watch and as Steve pressed the button for the window to slide down so he could wave another figure came into view, surprise catching Bucky’s face that they hadn’t driven off yet. He raised his hand in a small wave and Steve waved back, he pulled Lucky back to fix the curtain and then he was gone. Steve couldn’t stop the gnawing sensation.

It followed him all the way to the tower, burying it down when he reached Tony’s private floor hearing his boyfriend messing about in his walk in closet as he sat himself down on the couch. Soon enough Tony shuffled down beside him, making a small sound of disdain towards himself and Steve turned to look at him wrapped around in a robe.

“Look, I know I said I would do anything and everything for you, you just had to ask..” Tony opened his robe a little and tugged at the collar of the red colored sweater underneath like it was something infecting him with the plague, “But ugly red Christmas sweaters should be another form of torture and _not_ something boyfriend’s should be wearing because their boyfriend loves ugly sweaters.” 

A fond smile crossed Steve’s face, undoing his own coat and showing off the sweater he was wearing. It wasn’t flashing or anything off the wall, it was simple and homemade, a little worn from the years of wear. Snowflakes surrounding a snowman holding a gift in his own little knit hat and scarf. Steve knew he was getting a little too big for it, the material stretching over his chest a little tighter nowadays but it was his favorite and he couldn’t bear to leave it in the closet. It was why he never wore it at the party in fear he was going to somehow make a mess of it and considering how much rolling around in the snow and ice he was doing as well as smoking pot, it was a wise choice.

“But it’s just once a year Tony, it’s fun!” 

He scoffed, “Maybe for you, I think I have a rash on my chest.”

“Show me.”

Begrudgingly Tony peeled away his robe, frowning in a fuzzy warm red sweater decorated with a choir of robots singing carols complete with fuzzy pompom noses of different colors. 

Steve grinned, gripping the hem to hold it out as he examined it, “That’s truly ugly but in a good way.”

“Yeah like someone threw up Christmas all over me.”

“Merry Christmas.” Steve let out fondly, his eyes looking soft and wistful.

Tony was weak for him when he had that look, leaning into the arm Steve brought out around his shoulders and the both of them cuddled in together, “Merry Christmas to you too sweetheart.” 

“You look adorable,” Steve added, brushing his nose along Tony’s cheek and planting a little kiss against his earlobe before nuzzling him just behind his ear breath warm and smelling of peppermint.

“My aim was ‘festive cheer’ because of my boyfriend but I guess _adorable_ works too.” He let out with a frown and an eyeroll but he could already tell by the way Steve was fondly staring at him all starry eyed that the joke was lost on him.

Breaking out a laugh, Steve grinned as he planted a kiss on his nose, “You absolutely hate it, don’t you?”

Leaning in to catch his lips and give him a kiss, Tony raised his brows, “Oh definitely. The all robotics choir society is going into the fireplace tomorrow morning.”

“That’s cruel.”

“Don’t look hurt or surprised, you knew I was planning to do that the second you asked me to wear this monstrosity.”

“I guess you’re right,” He leaned in to press another kiss to his lips and Tony let him, feeling Steve smile against his mouth, “I guess I can just be grateful you tolerated wearing if for this long so thank you.” 

“It’s not too much of a hardship when you get to make out with your boyfriend who loves being surrounded by dim lighting and Christmas decorations, it’s kind of sensual in a way if you ask me. Plus we get the fire going, some low key mood music with some snuggling and I do love a feel good classic Christmas movie with inappropriate humor and occasional bad acting that gives you that look of pain at times I really have grown to be in love with.”

“Besides,” He mumbled out just along Steve’s jaw, tickling into the fine hairs of his newly forming beard, hearing a light intake of his breath, “I like being right _here_. It’s something special when you want to share the time with me waiting on that countdown to midnight when it could be anyone, just like on New Years. Means a lot to want to spend it together when you could easily spend it with someone like Sam to take off some of that you know..”

“You can do the same thing Tony, very easily.” Steve countered, arms tightening around, “I love the quiet we have before morning comes in on Christmas day and everyone shows up ready to have fun all day all high energy and happy. Don’t get me wrong, it's what I want, I want to enjoy the day with everyone I care about, friends and family, but there’s something so much better to be alone with just you and to take the moment and run with it. I appreciate you Tony, you’ve been there for me since high school, don’t sell yourself short.”

It was one of the things Tony liked the best about Steve, his honest earnest feelings. The way when he really tried to be open and speak from his heart, you could see it so clearly. It was why now Tony felt a nervousness within him like he was given something he wasn’t sure he could be responsible for and suddenly felt too big for his body, everything suffocating and trapping him down because he knew Steve was telling him the truth and he was scared he wasn’t sure he could always uphold that honor his boyfriend saw in him.

He fumbled a smirkish smile, “So you decided to say all this while I was wearing this horrendous sweater?”

Steve laughed, quickly softening to that boyish charming grin that always seemed to kill Tony inside, “Not exactly decided, I was going for a moment. I never planned your wardrobe around it but I definitely don’t regret it because you look good in anything.” 

Tony leaned in and gave a kiss to that mouth because it was just too much of a distraction, “You sentimental old charmer, flattery will get you everything.”

Squeezing his boyfriend close, Steve nodded in agreement as he picked up the remote, “Now let’s start one of the movies you picked out, huh?”

“Okay, wait before you do that..” Tony stole the remote, putting it back on the table while wiggling out of Steve’s hold, “Just give me a moment here, I baked you something.”

Steve couldn’t help the surprise across his face, “ _Baked_? As in created from scratch or threw in the oven like a frozen pizza?”

“Ha-ha, you’re so hilarious, remind me to book you for a time slot at a comedy club they’ll all get a laugh at your choice of geriatric outfits.” Tony shot back, glancing over his shoulder to see the man laughing as he watched keenly with interest. 

Making it into his kitchen area, the oven on the wall was holding something on warm that he pulled out after slipping on a glove. He rested it on the marble while taking out a small container of vanilla bean and honeycomb ice cream. It took him a few moments to find all the utensils and bowls considering he barely used the area but he figured it out before Steve could give him one of those worried looks asking if he was good. He turned to the pie staring back at him, suddenly daunted at the task of cutting it up and it actually tasting good. He drew in a small subtle breath knowing he was being watched, serving out two way too large slices into the bowls and double large scoops of the ice cream.

When all was put away and he was coming back into the sitting area with the bowls Steve was wearing a face of disbelief and wonder.

“You really did bake.”

“Apple pie,” He placed a bowl in his boyfriend’s hands, “Banner was showing me how to make it before you got here.”

Steve looked down at it, turning the bowl around and examining it like it was an artifact from some ancient time. Tony should have been offended. Blue eyes looked back up at him, “You really made this?”

“Okay so I know I’m not a master in the art of cooking, that I’m better suited to be the example of why you don’t leave someone that can’t cook alone in the kitchen. Not like you have anything better to say Mr. I-didn’t-know-you-couldn’t-microwave-a-couple-of-potatoes-without-poking-holes-in-them.”

Tony had his favorite pizza place set with speed dial on all ten supplied buttons okay, he knew where he lacked. He was holding his breath when Steve literally took a sniff test at the bowl, restraining himself from picking up the remote to throw it at his head. He waited and watched him take a careful spoonful of both pie and some of the melted ice cream, a partially horrified look on his face before it all went into his mouth and he chewed thoughtfully.

Okay so he’s given Steve food poisoning a few times and burned a lot of meals, he still didn’t deserve the Chopped judging looks his pie was getting from him. The pie didn’t do anything, the pie was an innocent victim in all this. 

The mixture of groan and moan his boyfriend let out immediately made Tony’s legs buckle and he swiftly dropped himself down on the couch beside him just to save his own bowl, shoveling a spoonful into his mouth so he could stop himself from offering they go finish their dessert in bed because he really wanted to and it wasn’t midnight yet. He had to have some willpower here.

“So you like it?”

Steve took another bite and ate through it, giving him an incredulous look before he sank back against the couch all sweet and happy, “Are you kidding? And you made this? This is just perfect and wonderful just like you. Now, how many times did it take for Bruce to show you how to perfect it before he was satisfied it was just right for my consumption?” 

Sputtering on his spoon, Tony doubled over and managed not to spit up his food, feeling a hard firm rap of pats on his back before he was able to swallow down what was in his mouth, shaking his head at Steve, “That’s the thanks I get for slaving over a hot stove?!”

“You _baked_ Tony, you didn’t cook over a stove. I know that much about cooking, now spill it.”

Tony scoffed at him and they had a small momentary battle of glares before he caved, “Fourteen. Fourteen until Bruce was satisfied that I wasn’t going to end up poisoning you or causing you to choke on an apple core, yes I baked one with the cores still in them. Don’t look at me that way.”

The laugh that fell out of Steve was deep from within his chest and Tony couldn’t help smiling back, licking the ice cream off the back of his spoon, the worry of anticipation evaporating completely the longer Steve stared at him like a dopey puppy.

“If I didn’t love you before- ” 

Steve leaned in and kissed him, licking into his mouth and Tony helplessly made a small whining noise he couldn’t control, cinnamon and honey taking over his senses before his spoon slipped from his fingers and met the floor with a clatter neither of them bothered to care about. He wasn’t sure when Steve managed to get the bowls out of the way but they were gone and his hands were fisting around handfuls of that stupidly tight ugly Christmas sweater.

“ -I love you too..” He breathed out against sticky lips, a slow burn of delirious desperation to them and Tony tugged and pulled until Steve was bare chested and pressing him down on the couch cushions kissing him dizzy; tongue sliding along his, exploring every inch of his mouth.

They didn’t much get into the movie but Tony was just fine with spending the evening on the couch either way.

\-----

Bucky walked down the long drive, the last of the guests gone over thirty minutes ago. His path warped into a slight wind as he made his way crunching gravel and slushy snow underfoot. He watched thick puffs of air slip from between his lips as it lifted off and away up towards the sky, fingers tight around the neck of a champagne bottle.

A guard stepped out of the booth beside the locked gate, Steve bundled up in his peacoat and scarf, helmet in one hand beside his motorcycle at the other end and the spark of excitement bolted through him.

“I’m sorry Mr. Barnes, I just didn’t want to go against orders.”

Bucky smiled, instantly shaking his head, “It’s fine Leonard.”

Steve watched Bucky through the gate bars, tie undone and loose with a few buttons following, hair ruffled and messy, lips a darkened pink with cheeks dusting a soft flush. Bucky smiled and he could only smile back.

“You shouldn’t be here mon petit lapin.” 

Steve instinctively stepped forward, gloved hands wrapping around the iron and strength of the gate, words floating along the air and nestling itself into his bones. He remembered the day Bucky said them to him while they disappeared inside that French restaurant, how he never understood it but maybe now, maybe just now he understood what exactly they meant and why he chose to call him that. 

“There’s still a couple of hours until Christmas is over,” He lifted his leather satchel up slightly off his hip, “I wanted to finish the story with you.”

A furrow of Bucky’s brow appeared, tilting his head curiously before it dissolved into a state of realization, a gentle smile crossing his lips, “The hounds.” 

Tilting his head a little, Steve nodded, “Figured maybe do some reading, I brought my sketch book just in case and- ”

“ -Where’s Tony?”

Steve looked at his feet, kicking absent stones and Bucky was almost afraid of the answer not entirely sure what to think.

“He’s gone, with Bruce and James. They had a security breach or something in one of their sister laboratories. He won’t be back for half the day and he’s required to be there when they reissue everything.”

Bucky stepped forward inches from the gated bars staring at blue eyes as wisps of light soft flakes fell past them, “So you came here?”

“I was going home, I took a detour.”

The magnetic energy seemed to pull Bucky in closer, wanting anything Steve would give him startling only when his guard moved in his seat, not paying attention to them but solely fixated on the bank of surveillance cameras. Still, Steve wasn’t invited even if he wanted him to be here.

Quick footsteps came along down the drive sharp and clipped, Steve looking past him and he turned to see Charles briskly walking down, a wool coat on one arm and a black cashmere scarf held in his other hand.

“Charles- ”

“Master Barnes, Imogen has _politely_ requested I make sure you are sufficiently bundled up for weather out here while you are having your chat with Master Rogers.”

Without waiting for permission, Steve watched him crowd himself beside Bucky and wrangle him into a long grey wool coat before he slipped the scarf once around his neck and buttoned it closed.

“There, she will feel better now.”

Bucky drew in a long suffering breath, looking at Steve with a raise of a brow when he tried to hide a smile, Steve glancing his head away as he broke out in a small grin. 

“Shall I fetch _you_ something warmer than that coat and scarf Master Rogers? It is rather cold out especially when you have ventured in the snow with that motorcycle.”

The smile immediately dropped from Steve’s face and Bucky smirked at him as he shook his head quickly.

“Would you like me to tell someone from the kitchen to bring you something to drink? Something warm?” He moved his hand out, taking the champagne bottle away gingerly from Bucky’s hand, “It would be wiser if you were both to take your conversation inside.”

Opening his mouth to reply, Charles met his gaze and continued speaking, “Your parents have retired for the evening already Master Barnes. Perhaps if you were to introduce Master Rogers to your library and continued the conversation there it may not be too much of an issue. It is Christmas after all Sir.”

Not entirely sure how it would protect him from getting in trouble if he was caught, the fact didn’t linger too long since all Bucky wanted was Steve and the only thing between them was a gate. He looked towards the small guardhouse and Leonard was already leaning against the door frame and unhooking a set of keys off his belt. He moved to the small door beside the gate and unlocked it, swinging it open for Steve.

“I can keep your bike here but..”

Bucky nodded quickly, if Bucky was caught it was all on him. Leonard would join and help if he could but neither of them wanted him to lose his job and he was never going to let the man take the blame for it. This was years and years of a silent agreement on seeing nothing. Of sneaking out when he wasn’t supposed to, or sneaking in guys to one of the many rooms. So far they were never caught working together but there was always a chance at a first time.

Steve agreed to keep it in the small station, wide enough to fit and keep the door closed, the only place to keep it unless they wanted to wheel it out back to the pool house which was something no one wanted to do. The three of them trekked up the long driveway and slipped inside, extra staff cleaning up and tidying around before retiring and leaving the premises.

Charles stood to step away, “Do you think you may want something warm to drink now?”

Bucky shook his head, “I don’t want to bother the kitchen staff while they’re cleaning up.”

“It's not a problem Master Barnes.” 

Steve watched Bucky want to say something more but knew it was a futile attempt. Instead he gestured over to the right wing of the home, two heavy wooden doors carved with vines and flowers sat waiting for them.

“We’ll be in there.”

“I had taken the liberty to light a fire for you, the rooms are rather cooler than they usually are.”

Again Bucky gave him a look, the one Steve saw when Bucky was trying to figure something out but couldn’t, he smiled a little and shook his head, “Thanks Charles.”

“Of course Sir.” He bowed his head in a slow nod, repeating it to Steve before he set off towards the kitchen. 

Steve waited for Bucky’s lead, going around a pair of hired hands rushing past with trays of empty wine bottles. He stopped the brunette from opening the doors just yet, looking at the work for a second. He ran his fingers along the minute details of the carvings, staring up at each curve and groove along the tall panel of the door, “This is beautiful.”

A hand appeared next to him, palm feeling out the smoothness, a fond smile across Bucky’s lips, “Took me a month to do it all. Jack helped me though, he’s good with his hands and all things carpentry. Showed me how to work with it and how to keep it. He’s the one that got all the hinge work, the handle, all the sizing and stuff done. I would have just carved the damn thing into a plank or half a trunk of wood and then not done anything with it.”

Steve couldn’t help smiling as Bucky spoke, tracing his index along a tendril of a vine, a pale gloss coming off the dark varnish finish, “Must have been hard work.”

“It was. I’m not sure if wood carving is a calling I want to answer ever again.” 

The second they stepped inside and Bucky hit the light, it was like he was transferred to a whole other world. 

The library was large but more in a cavernous lengthy way than tall and it was dark even with fixtures of subtle mute lighting that surrounded itself along the walls. It all came from the paint and wood paneled in deep rich brown, it smelled stuffy and old but it wasn’t overpowering, like it was lived in and full of secrets. Shelves filled with various styles of literature were tucked into every nook and cranny wall to ceiling. 

To the side near the middle of the room was a large lit fireplace, various settees and side tables Steve supposed was set in an order before but apparently Bucky had put his hand to it and most were moved in random angles and order piled with aging books and loose slips of drawn on sketch paper instead. A large oak desk sat in the dead center under a thick burgundy carpet that he guessed was Persian, wall spaces not covered by shelving held paintings of country sides and family Steve wanted to study closer but instead politely stood and waited at where he was. Thick sturdy stands made for vases dotted around corners, some held work he knew was Bucky's while others held more stacks of books.

Locking them inside, Bucky drew in a breath, "It’s one of the nicest gifts my father gave me."

Steve turned his head, voice tiny behind him, careful as Bucky stepped around him and moved towards his desk running his fingers along the raised gold lettering of one book on a pile of four. 

"I used to sit in there for hours, lock myself in and read." He gestured to the folded quilts and pillows neatly sitting in an overstuffed antique armchair, "Or sleep."

The white caught Steve's eye, craning his neck around the chair, "Is that..?"

"Yes, don't make fun of me, it is a bear skin rug."

Steve stifled an urge to have a little laugh about it, "Do you have naked baby pictures of yourself on a bear skin rug too?"

Bucky looked at him with a challenged raise of a brow, "I may, but now you've lost the chance to see if I do."

Feigning a sound of unhappiness, Steve pulled off his satchel and rested it by the rug before he slipped out of his peacoat and runners, seating himself down in his red hoodie and jeans. He watched Bucky remove the gray coat he had to wear and then his suit jacket, fixated on taking care not to wrinkle or ruin it some, resting them both on the back of a chair as fingers slipped around and fiddled with the loosened knot of his tie, neck back and eyes partially closed. 

Steve couldn’t help himself, staring at his profile and long neck, unyielding silk slipping through long thin nimble fingers just before they tangled around the fabric when it was close to the end, the fabric wrapped around this palm and he gave it a playful light tug coaxing it away from his shirt collar.

He swallowed thickly not able to deal with how dangerous Bucky could be without even trying. Fingers undoing a couple of buttons beneath the pair already undone and doing the same to his wrist cuffs as he toed his dress shoes off. Steve turned and distracted himself with his bag, fishing out books and a spare pencil just in case, glancing over at the fire crackling away trying not to look up again for a few minutes. 

Both their attentions turned to a gentle knock at the door before a jingle of keys came up and the lock was turned over, Charles peeking his head in with a set of mugs and a small plate holding cookies that Bucky was immediately opening his mouth and sighing weakly towards.

“Now before you start to bemoan chocolate chip cookies Master Barnes, which I may add are your favorite, Imogen had made them earlier in the day and kept them aside just in case you felt like having something to eat that was not leftovers. Just because you happen to be awake still and having something warm to drink should not withhold the chance to finally eat them should it?”

Bucky only closed his mouth, but not without giving the elder man a terse look as the silvery tray was sat down on the desk. Charles took no notice, giving them both a nod and taking his leave.

“Stop smiling like no one ever treats you like that." Bucky muttered out over his shoulder as he picked up the mugs, “When you get that all your life, you’re going to make faces."

Steve reached up, taking a cup, “Ma used to always do that, Sam does it too. I’m still gonna smile like that, and thanks." 

Pausing for a moment, Steve smiled Bucky’s way pointing absently towards the ceiling remembering something, “I got you a Christmas gift by the way, I just forgot it. First Christmas and I messed it up- ”

He was cutoff by Bucky’s laugh and he lost his train of thought shrugging helplessly.

“Steve, don’t even worry about it. I never got you a gift, I just have no idea what I could get you. I mean I want to get you something amazing but I’ve just been so distracted. I don’t know, I messed up.”

Smiling, Steve shook his head, “You didn’t mess up. I’m just glad we got to spend Christmas together after all these years and besides, even with all the politics I know the real reason behind pushing the art show was because you believed in me. You didn’t let anything stop you and you got that for me, I don’t really want to think about the reasons behind it all so we can leave it at that and I should be getting you a million gifts as a thank you.”

“I don’t want anything Stevie, like you said, I’m happy just spending Christmas together.”

“Well too bad I bought you something, tough luck. I’ll just have to give it to you when we go to my place, actually there’s two. Well I hope there’s two you may not like the second one.”

Shying away Bucky smiled, “I’m sure I’ll like whatever it is.”

“I have a feeling you will, just that small inkling you may not feels bigger than my confidence.”

Resting a hand over his Bucky smiled, "It'll really be fine, I promise. Whatever it is, I'll love it."

They huddled in together under one of the larger quilts, sitting on plush faux fur soft like a million feathers, legs stretched out to warm near the large fire. The book sat on Steve’s lap as he sipped absently at the warm hot chocolate, Bucky wrapping both hands around his own mug to soak in the warmth. 

He turned his head to look in front of him, Steve’s head so close he could feel his warm breath tickling along the side of his neck. He was so close, taking a small curious peek next to him and he could see the hint of green surrounding those summer blue eyes. Calm and serene peace that noted a gentle simmer of the tribulations he was dealing with.

“So why are you really here?”

The question caught Steve off guard, fumbling to find what to say.

Curiously Bucky stared at him as he took a careful sip from his mug pausing and letting Steve try to find his way before he decided to continue, “I mean, it can’t just be about finishing off the book right? You and Stark okay, all well before he left?”

“As much as we can be, yeah. Just the not talking because of Christmas and the few days after thing isn’t sitting right with me. I get good moments where I’m not thinking about it and then I get moments like this when I get down that this might all be over really soon.”

“Why do you keep doing it to yourself then?”

He could only shrug at first, stretching his legs out as he took another thoughtful sip, “I’m not sure, I guess because I agree with him. We do have to talk but why put a damper on holidays, I mean with..”

Bucky gave him a smile, nodding with what he was eluding to, “It’s already a little hard, maybe for him too?”

He nodded to him, watching the flames lick across a log of wood, catching itself along bits of bark and smaller splints, “He never says it, but I know. Doesn’t wanna talk about it so I just try to help pretend it’s all okay. I guess that’s honestly why I agreed so readily, for him. Neither of us need something else to make us unhappy right now if things turn for the worse.”

Putting his empty mug beside him on the floor, Bucky tucked his legs in, hugging his knees, “I’m still sure after you guys get all your crap out in the open it’ll be like nothing was wrong.” 

“I really hope you’re right Buck.” 

Feeling like the conversation was derailing a little, Bucky reached out and patted the book before nimble fingers stole one of the cookies, “Come on, read to me Rogers.” 

 

A few chapters slipped through time before they were taking a break, Steve sitting with loosely crossed legs playing with an acoustic guitar he found leaning in a corner coated in a thin barely there layer of dust already tuned and ready, strumming along idly. Bucky laid himself out on his back against the blanket wiggling socked feet along to the beat and soaking the ongoing heat from the fire. A few buttons that were undone revealed his neck again long and exposed, turned sideways as he flipped through Steve’s sketchbook, shirt rucked up a little past his navel after complaining about eating too much. Steve tried his best not to look over there, a random string once in a while coming off with some weird twang and going off key because he didn’t follow his own advice. A pair of large empty plates and cutlery sat by the brunette, neither of them a match against avoiding Imogen’s insistence to eat something fit for a dinner meal even though it was after midnight now.

Bucky's phone chimed in his dress pants pocket and he retrieved it only to find a reply from a text he sent to Jason a couple days ago after getting the info from Loki. He pursed his lips, trying his best to keep his features neutral as he read the innuendo filled text and how glad the guy seemed to be about Bucky getting second thoughts about giving him a chance even if that wasn't exactly what he said. 

All his message asked was if they could meet up somewhere because all Bucky really wanted to do was tell the guy to back off especially from his friends and end it there. He sent a text back to clarify that it was only to have a chat and nothing else, only getting a quick response back that he got it. Wariness ran through him but he had no choice but to get in this asshole's face to make it clear, especially since he already picked on Johnny. He turned to block Steve's gaze when the phone made another noise of an address and time to a club he was familiar with and sending one last text before hastily tucking it back into his pocket.

Steve only gave him an expectant look and Bucky smiled back up at him, shrugging absently, "Loki was bugging me about coming out clubbing with him and wouldn't drop it until I picked a night."

"He's pretty set on getting his way, huh?"

"You should know, you met him."

Steve laughed, looking back down at the guitar, agreeing with a nod.

 

They savored the quiet sounds of the fire and absently played music before Steve pressed his hand along the strings to silence them as he gazed at Bucky fretfully before he just decided to just go for it.

“What was it like? I mean, if you want to tell me."

Bucky turned his head, still laid out on the rug, ankles crossed, “What was what like?”

He searched for the exact words, “The hospital. Was it hard to be there? I mean if you want to tell me.”

Pausing, Bucky shook his head as he stared off the other direction, “It wasn’t as bad as you may think. I didn’t mean to not tell you it’s just that I didn’t feel comfortable.”

A hand found his shoulder and gave him a light squeeze, Bucky’s face turning back to look up, “I’m sure my outlook on the place was nicer than what others could have seen. I was put up at Cedar Lake Lodge, yeah, the place was labeled a _lodge_ if you could believe that and get an idea of where I’m going with this.”

Steve did; picturing pools and tennis courts with gourmet dishes and in house services like a hotel would.

“I imagine it wasn’t that far off from what a full service hotel could offer.”

Bucky nodded his head, “I could get a massage, swim as much as I wanted. My room’s bathroom had a two person jacuzzi tub. I could call for food in the middle of the night. The only thing were the restrictions put on me because obviously there was a reason I was there and it wasn’t for a vacation. I couldn’t go anywhere off the property, I was always checked on at certain times. They made me take medication and I forced myself to take it so I didn’t get my stay extended. I had daily morning psychiatric appointments where I had to privately talk about myself, plus the group sit ins..” 

There was a slow level of tension building in Bucky as he was describing everything and Steve lightly rubbed fingers in small circles against his shoulder.

“..Any clothes I got packed up for me were checked before they allowed it, if I wanted to wear sweats I had to pray they stayed up without a drawstring but hey I got to wear pajamas all day if I felt like it and my hoodie, well without the string in that either. Windows were barred up but I didn’t mind that so much as the really short stubby pencils they allowed me to use for drawing. It was kind of painful on my hand to hold something so awkwardly without feeling off about it, you know? Guess they didn’t want me stabbing myself either.”

He drew back, moving to tuck his hands behind his head, staring up at the ceiling as he continued thinking back, “Obviously that meant I couldn’t sculpt but they had creativity classes like music and painting. At first I just read a lot since I got an armful of books brought in for me, kept to myself. I could talk on my phone unless they deemed it contraband so I did whatever to keep it. It made me feel better that I had everyone to reach out to if I needed it so it made me feel less..”

He drifted off when he felt Steve’s fingers brush along the shell of his ear lightly, he had momentarily forgotten that Steve was wholly focused on him, biting back an urge to make a noise. He swallowed and ventured a look his way again, soft waves of orange and gold reflecting off his face.

“..Like a prisoner?”

Bucky felt his lips curve up, nodding as he recalled the texts they sent back and forth to each other. Steve so eager to talk to him and Bucky was eager to spend as much time with him as he could while also keeping up with everything expected of him inside the institution. They sent picture upon picture back and forth and he did his best to hide any evidence of where he was and make it look like he was spending his time with distant family members. Talking to Natasha, Clint, Brock and Jack on a regular basis was a lifesaver, talking to Steve however made him forget he was even there.

Relaxing to fingertips trailing down his jaw, he shrugged boredly, “The only thing that was annoying was music therapy class and this guy not knowing how to stop singing Beyonce songs. It was only during that class, as soon as it started, he would sing Beyonce this or Beyonce that. I almost hated him for destroying Drunk in Love, like I wouldn’t call myself a Beyonce fan but that’s one of my favorite songs, please don’t ruin the couple of songs I do love.”

Steve laughed, pausing to catch Bucky’s eye again before he straightened up and gave him a small wink adjusting the acoustic guitar. He began playing a few notes, eyes gazing up to the ceiling in concentration before a low hiss of realization slipped away from Bucky.

“No way..”

“ _I've been drinkin’, I've been drinkin'-_ ”

Bucky rolled over onto his stomach, lightly punching Steve’s leg grinning wide, lost in shock that he was humoring him, “ -Steve!” 

Steve grinned wider at Bucky’s expression as he kept the beat with nods of his head and continued playing as he sang, “.. _-I get filthy when that liquor get into me, I've been thinkin’, I've been thinkin’_..”

Giggling helplessly, Bucky dropped his chin against Steve’s leg as he stared up at him.

Steve only stared back, “.. _Why can’t I keep my fingers off you baby I want you, na na_..”

That blush came back and Bucky curled away from him onto his side after he playfully hit Steve's thigh, “You gotta quit before I start singing with you.”

Steve smirked, as much as he wanted to do a duet with Bucky the chosen piece of music would most likely be something Steve would get in trouble for. Somewhere somehow, he knew he would, it’s what fate liked to do to him. He stopped his playing and wanted to lay down beside Bucky, though not wanting to get in the way when his friend rolled back over to face him in disbelief, curling his knees up. Steve shifted to sit with his back to the brunette and lay down resting the guitar on the flat of his stomach and parallel to him. Steve’s legs facing one direction and Bucky’s in the opposite, their shoulders side by side. 

He played Stairway to Heaven while Bucky ultimately half mooned around the space on the floor above Steve’s head and made a noise of absent approval, turning himself just right so he was almost mostly laying on his belly. Steve strummed along as rogue fingers reached out for his sweater sleeve and he hazarded a glance, tranquil set eyes staring at him and he only smiled.

“I was so glad to run into you on that train when you came back." 

Bucky blinked, almost curious, “Really?"

“Yeah. Really.”

Bucky's eyes eventually had closed while he put the guitar away feeling a hand pressed against his shoulder and Steve couldn't help himself but reach over and lightly press the pads of his fingers along Bucky's arm. He felt out creamy and smooth skin, always engrossed over the softness and he couldn't help himself explore along his forearm and up until the joint of his elbow where rolled up sleeves stopped him. 

Grey eyes watched him again, a hand tucked under Bucky's cheek as he pressed his head there, face squished a little and it made Steve smile watching him so unguarded and so innocent. It was perfectly quiet except for the pops and crackle of the fire, eyes watching each other so close and intimate that Steve could see the flames dancing in them.

“Are you sleepy?”

Bucky blinked slowly, shaking his head, “I’m comfortable here. Unless you wanna get me in bed..” He stopped himself and burst out laughing, squeezing his eyes shut a second before he groaned at himself, “Shit, I mean if you want to sleep and were giving out signs.”

Grinning because he just couldn’t help it, Steve pulled himself up reaching over to lightly poke at Bucky’s exposed side, “Come on, even if you’re not tired I’d rather you not fall asleep here. It’s not entirely comfortable or a good place to really sleep if you have a bed upstairs.”

Bucky slapped his hand away and he received a startled look in return, a playful smile blooming across his face as he bit at the corner of his bottom lip, hand up and in the ready to smack that hand again and Steve jerked his forward when he picked up on the challenge.

“Stop, I’m fine here.”

Steve poked at his side and got an audible smack at his wrist, chuckling lightly, “Get up, I’ll keep testing you.”

“I’ll keep smacking you.”

“I like being smacked around, I thought you knew.”

Bucky laughed, hands taking advantage and he was being tickled before he could react to Steve. He yelped out in surprise, kicking at the air as he struggled to rolled away.

“All you have to do is say okay, Buck!”

“No!”

He fell on his back and pushed away at fingers skimming over his uncovered stomach trying to stop him but weak from laughing too much, Steve leaning over him.

“Come on, just say it.”

“No you can’t make me, I refuse!”

Slapping away and trying to grab hold of Steve’s wrists to stop him from his torture only forced the blond to straddle Bucky’s hips and grab his hands, pushing them up and over his head, pinning them against the floor startling Bucky as he looked up with his face inches from Steve’s. They stayed like that, chests rising and falling between them, fingers twitching for something as Bucky stared at Steve running eyes over his face and past it, a thrill shooting down his spine.

“Say you wanna go to bed.”

“I don’t though,” He smirked up at him, “I’ll just end up biting you again.”

Bucky was right, Steve’s strength was a disadvantage for him but Bucky played dirty and used his size and tactics to his advantage and Jesus did he look beautiful under him and _Oh Fuck_..

He pulled off him and shook his head like he was trying to shake the thought out of his head, feeling hands shove him backwards and hard onto his ass and he let Bucky, feigning a choked laugh to disguise himself. He let Bucky take his hand and he pulled himself to his feet, his entire body blushing but his friend took no notice leading him through the library.

“Where are we going?”

“My room like you want, I’m giving in Rogers.”

Steve swallowed hard, “..What?”

Unlocking the door to let them out, Bucky turned and grinned at him, “We’re making too much noise, you’re a horrible influence.”

“Hey- ”

Bucky turned the door handle behind him, playfully pushing the blond back as he jogged across marble floor in socked feet and starting up the staircase. Steve managed to close the heavy door without slamming it and broke out into a sprint catching up in seconds and Bucky wasn’t ready for it, a hand covering his mouth to muffle a surprised cry and they were both trying to stop their laughter.

He didn’t know why he did it, it was so stupid. He was lucky just to avoid getting into trouble over Tony and the fight. Now he was attempting not to collapse up the stairs backwards hazarding a few occasional trips and falls that Steve managed to catch before his ass hit a stair, their hands tangled together grinning like idiots hopped up on sugar and mutual stupidity. 

They were going to get caught, he knew they would, he felt like they would, key struggling to get in the lock while he was distracted with the hulk of Steve’s body weight pressing him against the door and tickling him, forehead pressed into the wood and he was laughing breathlessly against the hard surface. 

Bucky knew this was all a mistake, he knew he shouldn't but Steve’s breath danced along the back of his neck and he didn't care if he got caught, he wanted to be selfish for once.

The door finally gave, both of them tumbling in and muffling childish laughs. He swerved around hands reaching out and closed the door silently, locking it behind him as Steve grinned, putting his hands out for him again. Bucky felt like his heart was going to beat out of him, or maybe even stop, adrenaline and dopey affection taking over.

“C’mere.”

“No, you’re gonna tickle me again.”

“I won’t, I promise.” 

Steve’s voice was low, barely out of breath but the husky rasp in it seemed to only cause Bucky’s face to flush. He stared at eyes so blue and sharp watching him, hair so golden. Carefully he slid a socked foot forward seconds before hands snatched his and he was pulled hard against solid muscle. His arms went around Steve’s neck and he felt them casually turn around together barely paying attention and too busy staring into those eyes to really know what was going on, a silent song playing for the both of them to dance to. Bucky couldn’t help how everything was better with him, the giggles tumbling out as he tipped his head back and moved to rest his feet on top of Steve’s.

“Ow, you’re crushing my feet!”

“Shh, don’t yell.” Bucky snapped, pressing two fingers firmly against pink lips.

A mischievous glint flashed across eyes before Steve moved to bite them, Bucky managed to pull his hand away with mock surprise, lightly poking his cheek, “Lasa-ma in pace!”

The grin grew wider on Steve’s face, arms snaking tighter around Bucky keeping him close, “What pray tell did you just say to me?”

Bucky wasn’t put off, smirking challengingly at him, “I said leave me alone.”

“And if I don’t?”

They swayed softly to a smooth mutually felt out beat, silence thick and faces too close, noses lightly brushing into each other and Bucky couldn’t stop wanting to stay in that shared space with their breaths mingling and foreheads pressed together. His hand ghosted against the curve of Steve’s cheek, the brush of beard tickling his palm as he rested it at his jaw.

“You’ll get bored.”

“I wouldn’t.”

“I promise.” Bucky hummed out, thinly smiling while they turned again, weight pressing down a bit more to the balls of his feet feeling every movement of Steve’s own toes underneath..

“You can’t promise that unless you controlled me.” Steve murmured softly, lips itching to move closer and press in to Bucky’s bottom lip, the corner of it just lightly chewed at the one spot darker than the rest of his mouth. 

He only wanted to kiss it, just once..

His hip collided into the drum table, the empty carafe and glasses set on it danced across the surface and Bucky was quick to get at them and hold them down before anything fell, the both of them collectively holding their breaths and staring at each other in horror.

“Sorry.” Steve whispered sheepishly.

Color danced across Bucky’s face, “You big goof. Watch what you’re doing.”

“I had extra weight on me I didn’t count on.”

Bucky lightly smacked his chest, walking over to the bed to sit at the end and give himself some breathing space feeling a little dizzy and lightheaded, “Are you going to stay or..I think it’s been snowing since you showed up.”

Steve let the seconds ago float by in his mind, not sure what would have happened if he didn’t ram himself into that table and it was only for the best. He looked out the curtain only to find that Bucky was right, fat snowflakes falling sparse and slow past the glass but it was well past one and maybe he could hide in one of the rooms..?

It was rather stupid to think, glancing back at Bucky who was looking at him curiously; he knew where he would sleep, he knew where Bucky would invite him to sleep and he knew it was obtuse to consider otherwise.

He knew it was a mistake, but then he was good at making them.

\-----

Bucky stumbled out of bed heading towards the bathroom where it was cooler and he hated this, everything about _this_. His hands were only lightly shaking today, the air wrapping around the layer of sweat and his mind was being irrational and telling him he needed to clean himself and wash everything away.

“I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay..”

He kept muttering softly under his breath foot colliding into the half ajar door as he made his way to the bathroom sink, gripping the edge of the porcelain and panting so he could _hear_ himself. So he knew he was okay. That there was no other noises. That it was just him being awake and there and nothing else was wrong. 

He hit the tap and filled the water glass just next to his hand taking a careful sip as he forced himself to keep his eyes open. He only stopped when his throat quit the sensation of threatening to close up on him, ceasing the dry, squeezing sensation and finally allowing air to pass normally instead of in short rapid fits. The glass sat back down on the counter and he slumped over the cool smooth service barely hearing the shatter by his foot when he moved his elbow too far to the side.

“Bucky?”

“Hm?”

He felt so slow, moving to sit down for a second, foot absently stepping through the water and glass fragments as he slid down against the counter door. He finally let his eyes close as he curled up and hugged his knees to his chest, “M'tired.”

In his sleepy haze he could hear movement, the light startling him when it was switched on overhead and glass scraped against the floor in rapid collection. Two big warm hands soon cupped his face and Bucky knew them, pressing his cheek into one palm and leaned in to the touch.

“Bucky.”

He let Steve stretch his leg out and was aware of cabinets opening and closing before he was getting cleaned and bandaged up. Everything went quiet except for the sound of running water, a tepid wash cloth gently dabbing along his forehead, then around his neck and he didn’t bother fighting it off, easing his head back against the solid wood.

Soon arms reached around him and picked him up; eyes fluttering open a few steps out of the bathroom, head less foggy and cluttered, one arm cradled his back and the other tucked under his knees, foot throbbing lightly.

“Steve?”

“Yeah, it's me. I'm taking you to bed, okay?”

He only curled up tighter in his arms, pushing his face against his neck, "I don't know how to stop this. I don't know how to make myself better. I just want to be normal."

Lips trembled as he pressed them together, eyes already welling with tears and they fell down his cheeks as he sniffled through it trying to blink them away only to feel more coming. 

Steve held him closer, pressing his lips into hair. They stopped before the bed and he turned himself back to sit so Bucky didn't have to move just then, “I wish I knew what to tell you Buck, but I'm in a similar boat as you are. I've been in the same boat for a while thinking I was better. We don't know the exact moment we'll be able to stop the pain from coming but one day,” He stared at Bucky, a hand softly brushing along his jaw, “I promise you everything Buck, it _will_ get better. I can't tell you when but count on me. I won't let it keep at you, you just have to let me in.”

Bucky continued to feel tears roll down his cheeks, tilting his face against Steve’s fingers, “I’ve been thinking too much..about _everything_.”

“You can’t help it Buck.”

Curling himself in tighter against Steve’s chest, he rested his cheek along firm broad shoulder, toes slipping under the blanket like it would give him extra protection. He soothed him as best as they could, rubbing up and down along his arm as he listened to him sleepily yawn. 

“Please don't leave me alone right now.”

“I won’t. I promise.” Steve let out in a low voice turning his head to look over his shoulder and scoot himself backwards against the pillows pressed at the head of the bed. He pulled the feather down over them making sure Bucky was especially tucked in and gently rubbed his back, “Get some rest Buck.”

Bucky was already drifting in and out of sleep, one hand gripping tightly to the front of Steve’s t-shirt and feeling the steady beat of his heart against his side. 

 

The second he came to Steve could tell he only slept a good hour maybe..or two before he was up again. Bones feeling a little restless and knowing it was a sensation telling him that it would be one of those nights he would have to move around in bed a lot or grab a book to read instead of sleep, maybe even sketch but he couldn’t this time. Not with Bucky curled up as small and tiny as he could across his lap, one of his shoulders used as a pillow. 

He watched him sleep fitfully, brows furrowed and Steve could tell he was troubled in his dreams. His hand didn’t let go of holding on tightly to his shirt, not that he minded. Randomly words would slip out of him, faint and careful but with a slur that told Steve he was still lost in his head speaking in a language he couldn’t pick up but soon came to realize all of it was in Romanian. 

The buzzing white noise of his brain could have been from anything he generally worried about but he knew this time it was only the worry for the body tucked away against his lap. Quick rapid breaths danced along his neck in uneven fashion when he was in an especially troubled place and his hand reached for Bucky’s cheek before he really thought about it just wanting to soothe him back to a full drawn out rest. A soft hitch of air slipped out of the brunette and a faint whine before he was lost back in sleep again as his brows smoothed out again, Steve’s arm tightening around him while he slumped back in against the pillows. 

He felt his own brain quiet over just the contact and simply over the way Bucky was content again, his own eyelids growing heavy as he soon found himself returning back to sleep.

\-----

It took Steve a few seconds to realize where he was at first, light streaming in and a weight pressed against him. He opened his eyes to the details of the four poster bed and of realization sinking in, Bucky’s head resting on his chest.

There was a light careful knock and that was when he noticed it was what originally woke him up.

“Sirs?” 

The light layer of tension and suspicion against Steve’s shoulders eased out, gingerly moving out from under Bucky and tucking him back in the covers. He looked out at the thick layer of snow sitting outside waiting for him, hand raking through his hair and looking over the clothes he borrowed to make sure he was somewhat presentable.

Unlocking the door he opened it to find Charles standing there with a tray holding two breakfast plates that had sausage, scrambled eggs and bacon. There was also toast buttered and sectioned away on a toast rack with miniature bottles of raspberry and blueberry jam. Orange juice sat in a clear carafe and coffee wafted out of a stainless steel one.

“Good morning Master Rogers. I had taken the initiative to move your motorcycle into the garage. I am sure Master Barnes will be able to direct you to it when the time comes for you to leave. If not, I can be of service to show you as well. I assumed since you had not come back to retrieve it, that you decided to extend your visit and spend the night here.”

Steve blinked, realizing he had been keeping the door open only wide enough to show himself and block out the rest of the room like he was trying to hide something. He loosened his grip just slightly, letting it open wider as he shook his head, “I didn’t expect to, we just slept..not..anything else. I mean I guess it doesn’t matter what he does- ”

“It is none of my business what Master Barnes does. Of course, he also does not take his affairs into his own bedroom, the sanctity of it, he says.” He pressed the tray forward.

Steve took it, a small appreciative smile across his face, “So you know about that rule?”

“Indeed I do Sir, also Mr. and Mrs. Barnes have taken their leave so unless otherwise notified, you are free to leave on your own time.”

Steve looked back to Bucky buried under the feather down, tufts of his hair sticking out from beneath it. He didn’t miss the way Charles was addressing Steve should get going while the going was good, he got it but he didn’t want to until Bucky was awake and was completely alright.

“Sure thank you, for letting me know and the food. I’ll wait until Bucky wakes up and then I’ll head out.”

Tucking white gloved hands behind his back, Charles gave him a bowed nod, “Very good Sir.” 

Steve smiled to himself, still not at all used to servants and butlers and all that jazz. He closed the door and locked it again out of habit, turning back to the bed. Setting the tray at the end corner of it, he climbed in watching Bucky’s face squish and frown as he was slowly waking, a hand brushing over his face.

“Steve?”

He smiled at him, “Hey, you hungry? We have breakfast brought to us.” 

Sleepy eyes looked in his direction, voice still thick with sleep, “Maybe a little..”

That was enough for Steve to sit up against the headboard and bring the tray onto his lap, pouring the both of them some coffee and juice, handing Bucky one of the plates. Taking it to rest on his lap when he got himself situated, Bucky was more interested in a triangle of toast, popping open the blueberry jam to spread it across the bread with a sausage hanging out of his mouth.

“Maybe a little.” Steve teased while adding some cream and sugar to his cup.

He only received a dirty look in return, blanket getting kicked to the end of the bed. Curling up against Steve’s side, he held his foot up to look at the bandage.

“Sorry about waking you up and then not letting you sleep properly.”

“I slept just fine, I was more worried about you getting a good rest.”

Bucky felt his face heat up, looking away shyly, “I passed right out the second you stopped moving in all honestly.”

Eating a forkful of eggs, Steve said nothing instead letting his head rest sideways against the top of Bucky’s. Time ticked away between them and although he had to leave soon to save Bucky any grief Steve was pleasantly pleased he made that detour last night.

..Even if he knew, underneath everything, it was the worst idea he had in the past few days considering how much of a mess everything was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After some thoughts, I decided to put this into a series so I could create a separate story filled with short tiny chapters of past memories/events/deleted scenes that don't necessarily demand a read to follow but will be canon history regarding Hunger of the Pine. (IE - Bucky's or Steve's childhood/high school memories or random questions people have thrown my way that I have an answer for but are too short to be an event in the story.) I will also be separating interactions that go with a certain chapter but don't involve Bucky or Steve and labeling them as such. (IE - private conversations between Jack and Brock etc.) If you were interested in little 500 or so word tidbits that are randomly updated, please by all means subscribe. You can also feel free to ask in the comments about things if you're curious and maybe I could write something in relation to it unless it's a spoiler or there's just not much of an answer to it. :3


	26. I’m naive.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When it comes to Bucky, Steve gets himself into trouble but sometimes trouble finds Bucky and Steve gets him out of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No, this isn't all of it, I just split the work up (pt.2 is 43k+), just hold on for a couple days! :3
> 
> [Chapter 26/27.pic/gif](http://kalika999.tumblr.com/post/158728833595/hunger-of-the-pine-chapter-26-ch27)
> 
> Also, **WARNING** :  
> \- Attempted non-con..just attempted.  
> \- Drugging  
> \- One lone bamboo toothpick.  
> \- Physical violence  
> 

**Late December, 2015**  
  


Steve was stacking glasses with his back turned to the front door of the bar finishing up his afternoon shift when he caught Natasha looking his way before glancing towards the entrance. Confused, he turned only to see Grant stroll in with someone else at his side all muscles and from the looks of it, no brains.

Feeling himself immediately tense up, he approached the counter top as the pair of them came towards him, Ward all smiles that Steve didn’t at all trust.

“You shouldn’t be in here.”

Ward shrugged softly, “I’m just a customer like everyone else around here Rogers.” He looked around and smirked at Natasha staying put by the other end of the bar, eyes roving over her as he pulled out a small envelope from his inside winter coat pocket, “You’re a sight for sore eyes, Red.”

Natasha kept her gaze leveled with him, “Too bad I can’t say the same about you Grant. I could live better not seeing your face ever again.”

Licking his lips as he tilted his head trying to get more of her body, a fondness crossed his features, “You know I adore that little feisty firecracker attitude on you. Always did have a nice little mouth on- ”

Steve slapped a hand hard against the bar surface, snapping both Ward and his friend to attention, blue eyes staring coldly at them, “ _Don’t_ talk to her like that. What do you want because I’m about two seconds from kicking both your asses out of this bar.” 

At this point customers watched warily and a few regulars looking much like bikers who were playing cards with beers half drunk on their table made themselves known as well, chairs and bodies turning towards the two unwelcomed guests. 

Ward only looked bothered that he was interrupted tossing the sealed card down on the counter, “That’s for you golden boy. Judge Pierce can’t make it to your little art thing, we’re heading to the Hampton’s for a New Years party, he wanted me to send you his best wishes.”

He looked back towards the men before nodding to his friend and the both of them took their leave, the whole establishment suddenly at ease again and regular conversation picked up. Steve gave a grateful nod to the men before walking over to Natasha, “You okay?”

She smiled, glancing up at him with a nod and a playful flip of her hair off one shoulder, “Takes a lot more than Grant Ward being a dog to get me upset. I’m absolutely fine.”

Pietro stepped out from the back room as he pulled his coat on, “Okay I finished the stock in the store room, I’m heading home. We’re all still meeting up tonight right?”

Natasha nodded turning to Steve, “With Clint and Johnny. Are you coming with Bucky?”

He nodded, “Yep, we’ll see you guys there.”

*****

By the time Bucky and Steve managed to get inside the club and find where everyone was located, Steve was already half a beer into his two and maybe a half beer limit. He had never been to this place before, a large stage at the end of the room with a band already performing covers of famous rock songs. Small tables lined the railing all the way around the dance floor that was set in the middle offering entry by only a few small steps. Two bars sat across from each other at opposite sides of the club with more seating lining the walls in booths for larger crowds. Stairs led up to a half floor balcony with another bar and where the kitchen was located, more tables waiting up there.

It was different since he was so used to clubs with half dressed women and dance music vibrating through his body. Rock music wasn’t much different he supposed, there were still half dressed woman but they were more leather and shimmery latex than the regular stuff, oh well it was definitely a nice change of pace, apparently one of the places Bucky liked to go to with Clint and Nat.

Steve had also caught sight of Dylan at the other bar through his perusal, a bunch of patrons dancing at the sunken dance floor when he had looked up to the other bar where he saw him chatting on his cell before he caught sight of him. Bucky had seen him too and they said nothing over the new revelation. Steve pressed his hand to his friend’s lower back who was turning to ignore seeing his ex, leaning up against the bar as he struck up a conversation with one of the guys beside him while waiting for his drink order to arrive. Bucky only paused a second to give Steve a glance over the effort of being protective, smiling gently and knowing it was Steve’s bottom line in relation to a dick ex-boyfriend hanging around whether he approached Bucky or not, a silent message that he would get in the middle of it the second the bastard opened his mouth whether Bucky would want him to or not. 

Steve watched warily and waited for Bucky who only hung around long enough to get his order before he ended the conversation with the stranger and the two of them walked back towards the table, sliding into the already tight fit of bodies including Johnny, Pietro, Natasha, Clint, Wanda and the both of them in the horseshoe shaped booth.

Johnny was waving around hands while telling some wild story to the others only pausing a second to greet them, his face a soft red that showed he was already a few drinks in. Pietro loudly introduced his sister to Bucky and vice versa as Steve tried to not enjoy the fact that Bucky’s side was pressed completely against his and had to rest his arm against his thigh as he was greeting Wanda. 

He caught Clint and Johnny’s eyes and was sure he was getting laughed at, a shot of vodka shooting his way catching it easily and downing it like they had read his mind for one. Bucky shifted more so he was facing Wanda, butt and back pressing into Steve and he had to close his eyes for a second, not knowing where to put his arm before he folded them both over his chest, turning just a little so it was his bicep pressed into Bucky and not his elbow. 

This time Natasha glanced away from the local band on stage and gave him a sympathetic smile, he could only shrug helplessly, shifting his eyes to enjoy the music as much as he could and ignore Bucky moving into him from time to time while he was carrying a conversation.

His attention was brought back when Bucky was wiggling into his original position and turning his way with a small apologetic smile, “Sorry about that, you didn’t tell me Pietro’s sister was such a sweetheart.”

Steve smiled at him, “I figured you would meet her eventually. She’s really nice.”

Taking one of the shots lined in the middle, Bucky drank one back before picking up another, Johnny gesturing his hand up to get Bucky to take more down. A waitress brought more bottles of beer for them, taking away the one Steve first started on in the process. He wasn’t sure how he was going to last with his beer quota and switching to juice or water so early in the night. On the plus side, he wouldn’t be alone, raising a salute with his beer to Natasha cradling a virgin Caesar in her hand.

Bucky hooked an arm around Steve’s neck, turned in with his chest pressed against his arm and leaning close by his ear so he was heard over the music, “After these guys get off the stage you wanna dance with me?”

“I..” Steve trailed off a little, distracted by Bucky’s hair smelling like mint and rosemary and wanting to bury his face into it as he thought about how much he did want to dance with him but Bucky was wearing _his_ dark blue Henley; sleeves pulled up and the buttons already undone at the top practically looking like a deep v-neck because Steve had stretched it out in the chest and Bucky was wearing nothing underneath. He could see down the shirt to pale perfect skin that was a little glossy because of how warm it was inside the venue.

He snapped his eyes back up to Bucky’s as he was gazing at him and waiting for an answer, grey blues picking up the shining lights from the stage and he was dumbly nodding back, Bucky looked like he was relaxing as if he worried the answer would be in the negative which, in all honestly, wouldn’t have happened.

While they were mingling, Wanda had to get out and Bucky took the slide out as a sign to get moving towards the dance floor. Without asking, Steve felt a hand pulling him and they walked off to the rails watching the band and everyone dancing. Bucky turned himself around to rest elbows against the railing and enjoy the music while facing Steve in the process; eventually the band played their last song and ended their set, the both of them clapping with the crowd, lights still low but switching from the stage to the dance floor and the first few lines to Need You Tonight start playing just as Bucky grabbed his arm.

“Oh perfect, I love INXS come on Stevie!”

Steve followed him along without a word, hand tugging his arm eagerly, letting Bucky lead him wherever he wanted to stand ignoring any alarms his brain might have been throwing off at how much this was possibly a bad idea.

It was definitely a bad idea that started the second Bucky dropped his hand and left Steve standing where he was, watching in fascination as his back was still turned, hips swaying and dancing to the beat of the music while he snapped his fingers before he turned around eyes half lidded as he absorbed himself into the music and mouthed the lyrics.

Steve swallowed thickly, brain feeling slow and cumbersome. Bucky was dangerous like this, he made him instantly regret accepting the invitation. Bucky dancing was the way to make Steve stupid; add alcohol, no matter how little, he was going to become stupid and very very bad.

Hands pressed to his hips before he knew it, a gleam in Bucky’s eye as he leaned in close, breath against his ear shouting for him to start dancing and to stop acting like a statue. Steve moved in immediately mimicking the sway of hips, the match of the beat, nothing pure and perfect like Bucky but then he was in his own element here, there was no way Steve would be able to replicate that. 

He couldn’t keep his eyes off that lithe body, arms wrapping around his neck as Bucky moved in closer. Steve’s own hands came up at Bucky’s hips, fingers dangerously curving and slipping along to either side of his ass, soaking in each shift of his body, cataloging each movement. He was trying his hardest to ignore his own body wanting to respond, telling himself to ignore it, to stop and just dance but it was frustratingly difficult. 

They were much too close, like back in Bucky’s bedroom, breath dancing along his chin, face too close. Like before, he could easily kiss him like this, give in and he felt the warmth swell in his belly when his fingers tightened and bit into Bucky’s jeans eliciting a timid startled stutter of breath that he felt rather than heard over the people and loud music that was shared just between them. Bucky was going to make him lose his mind, but then maybe he already did.

Steve was lost in the middle of his thoughts when Bucky pulled at his hips, turning to press his back against Steve’s chest and perfect ass pushed into his crotch. He immediately short circuited, air escaping him like he was punched in the chest. Bucky carried on dancing, still mouthing lyrics and nodding his head to the beat with no care in the world, especially to Steve’s internal pain and agony. He willed his dick to be good, to behave itself because he wasn’t going to be able to do anything else unless he could pull Bucky off him. 

Bucky only dropped his head back against Steve’s shoulder, nose lightly bumping against his earlobe, “We got company.”

It was all he said before eyes closed and he was smiling, humored and dangerous, completely lost with no qualms and dancing away in his arms. Steve was feeling dizzy from everything, dancing and trying not to grind into Bucky, the heat, the cloy scent of everything that translated to him while instincts told him to _take_ and he only gripped Bucky’s hips tighter, heels of his hands pressed against the bare skin under his Henley. 

It took a few seconds to absorb what Bucky had said, eyes glancing around and seeing Dylan up top at the overhead balcony looking over everyone as he was nursing a drink. He finally understood what Bucky was doing, a bitter pill of disappointment hitting him even though he knew that it really was for the best. His eyes crept away and he turned his head in close, nose brushing along Bucky’s cheek and immediately getting a laugh.

Good news or bad, the song finished too soon for Steve to do much of anything more anyway and Bucky peeled off him as soon as it was. His mind was still warring with itself while Bucky was already on the move, hips going from side to side like a little tease he was and Steve was definitely ogling, chalking it up to the act of being a couple or whatever Dylan was getting the impression of. Almost like it was absolutely natural, Steve slung an arm around Bucky’s shoulders when he caught up finally, wrist falling forward and Bucky tangled fingers with his as they maneuvered around the loitering crowds to the bar.

Steve kept his eye on Dylan, subtle and casual without much notice, the ease of it from working at Nick’s watching the male talking to someone and for the moment wasn’t paying attention to them, “Is he gonna be a problem tonight?”

Smiling and playfully bumping his hip into Steve’s, Bucky gestured two with his free hand to the bartender before he pointed out the vodka, “Cranberry please.” 

“You keep putting liquor in me I won’t be able to drive us.”

He glanced at Steve in amusement like he was biting back a comment and Steve only gave him the _look_ because after a second he realized what Bucky would have shot back because he was a dirty little flirt. Instead, he thought about the question his friend asked, “The last time I saw him before you ran into him, he said hi by grabbing my ass while I was waiting for my drink at the bar. I stood there stunned he had the balls to do that while Brock punched him in the face. It was awhile before I saw him at that club when we were doing Sam’s birthday, I thought I was good. Obviously I still have trouble.”

A disappointed look crossed Bucky’s face before it went away again, smirking as he squeezed their fingers, “But then you’re here so it doesn’t matter. You like playing my bodyguard, valiant boyfriend or whatever works.” 

Shrugging casually, he watched Bucky let his hand go to take their drinks, “Works for me.”

When Dylan finally caught sight of Bucky again, he made a fractured movement like he was contemplating setting in his direction but Steve only raised a brow at him in a challenge while Bucky locked eyes with him a second before he looked down. Steve’s arm curled in tighter against Bucky’s neck, keeping him pressed to his side, “C’mon, don’t even look at him anymore tonight."

Bucky’s eyes roved to the glasses he was holding and nodded at him, letting Steve turn him towards the direction of their table, “I don’t know what he does, I don’t _get it_ , it’s like I see him close and I panic or I freeze up.."

Steve looked back only to find Dylan gone from the spot, “He never hurt you did he?"

Laughing softly, Bucky shook his head, “Nah, he just got in my head real good. I don’t know how I let him and how long he was playing me for like an idiot."

“But you’re not an idiot."

“I’m _naive_."

Steve sighed lightly, turning to press a kiss into his hair, “You believe in people you like, you want to help. Sometimes people don’t want help, sometimes they wanna be terrible, awful little assholes. That’s their issue not yours, there’s nothing wrong with you. I'll be your bodyguard, I’ll be your fake boyfriend, I’ll be your _anything_ for as long as you like."

“I shouldn’t need any but I like you being them at times.” Bucky admitted shyly, turning to stare at the crowd on the dance floor.

Steve almost didn’t hear it, pausing at the railing instead of the table, elbows resting at the top as he took his glass from Bucky, “What’s that?”

“Your caveman thing is cute sometimes Rogers. That’s all.”

Pink reached Steve’s cheeks, “I don’t think cute and caveman work together.”

“Ah ha!” Bucky turned around, taking a sip from his glass as he rested his elbows on the railing and leaned back into them staring back intently, “That’s where you’re wrong, you ever see Encino Man? God, I had such a boner for Brendan Fraser.” 

Steve burst out laughing, almost letting his glass fall over the dance floor dropping his head against Bucky’s shoulder, “Bucky.."

Bucky laughed along with him, “I know, but he was damn cute in the nineties okay? The Mummy? Airheads? Come on there was something there. But back to what I was saying, cute caveman.” 

Steve let out a laugh, pausing to take a sip of his drink, “I do have a decent right hook if I need to use it.”

“When you got so angry and shoved him hard into that bathroom stall, that was pretty hot Rogers.”

“I, oh uh. Thanks, I think.” Steve blushed hard, past his collar and he felt it all the way to his toes.

Bucky grinned at him and it was so at ease and relaxed, Steve loved it; a sliver a fear crept in over how much he did, how deep he was getting with just a beautiful smile and a sensitive soul.

“Thank you, not sure if I’ll ever stop saying thank you.”

Regarding him a long moment, both of their expressions sat soft. Steve wasn’t sure what he was seeing right then, turning his body a little so his side pressed against the barrier instead and slowly Bucky imitated the gesture, “You never have to say thank you to me. It’s you I should be thanking.”

Bucky laughed, like it was startled out of him, “Why’s that?”

“So many reasons.” Steve thought as his eyes tore away from that curious face, dancing along with the lights and his teeth caught his bottom lip before eyes rested back on him, “Bucky, you woke me up.”

He wasn’t sure why he said it, a babble of words over their close to shouting conversation surrounded by strangers and friends that wondered where they had gone to and all Steve was doing was admitting to Bucky in the purest sense that he was in love with him.

Was he stupid or plain suicidal? How was he going to take this back?

Suddenly Bucky was beaming at him, brighter than any light he had ever seen, honest and pure, a small bit of shyness wrapped around it and then he was turning back to the stage when the house lights switched back to the stage and a new band began to play and Steve released a whoosh of air caught up in him.

He gazed at Bucky’s profile, eyes glittering against the light and smiling at the members on stage as he listened along and Steve wondered when all his bravado to take on the world for Bucky turned into the plain honest truth no matter what it took.

Returning back to their seats, Steve’s plan to stop after two or so drinks went to hell the moment Bucky rubbed his ass into him for the couple of minutes of torture he was in. He was efficiently taking shots like a pro and chasing it with a few bottles of beer, a cab was fine to take instead, it was okay.

He put a hold on dancing with Bucky though, watching him put away shot after shot while his hand was roaming under the table once Johnny had switched places with Wanda; playful glee across his features when Johnny would try to talk to him but Bucky was doing something assuredly _dirty_ away from prying eyes and Storm would stop mid-sentence to squeeze his eyes shut or brandish a look of mild surprise.

Apparently they had a DJ coming in for a time slot mixing rock with EDM and Bucky was all over it, Steve finding himself shaking his head when the brunette asked him to get on the dance floor again settling for Johnny when he gave up trying. Mischievous hands touched Jo’s butt as they slipped out of the booth together. Steve knew what he was doing was right, sure he did, Clint lining up a couple more shots for him with a raise of his own drink in consolation and Steve grinned with a shake of his head, taking one back.

Like always, Johnny was willing and ready, led by the hand as they scrambled off and Steve was still able to track them under colored lights and the swell of bodies, an arm pulling Bucky close as he seemed to lose himself into the music.

Steve watched those hips sway, the neck of the blue Henley sliding backwards as he was leaning back so the collar was cuffing at his neck and Bucky's stomach was in peekaboo view as arms carelessly draped around Johnny's neck, sweat dampened face and a drink in hand. He watched him dance with wild abandon, body moving like sex, jeans comfortable and low at his hips teasing and tempting Steve to come closer for a look. It was absolutely criminal.

Johnny pressed one hand against Bucky's hip, other palm resting at his lower back just at the perfect dip above his butt where his dimples sat. The hand at his hip slipped down and took its fill of grabbing Bucky’s ass before it slid up, feeling out skin under loose shirt and showing a bit more, taunting Steve with what he could have had and Steve couldn’t figure out if it was the alcohol or his feelings causing the blood to collect downstairs. 

His mind conspired to push everything together that was leading him to the frustration he was currently soaking in. Since his hands were already under the table anyway, he pressed the heel of his palm against his crotch trying to will the problem away glancing over to regret it as Bucky had turned himself around and pressed himself against Johnny's front wiggling his ass in with an arm draping around Johnny's neck taking a long drink from the glass he had in hand. The action was a little uncoordinated with someone pressed against him but Bucky managed, Johnny licking the corner of his mouth where the alcohol missed and Steve wanted to so badly roll his eyes when Natasha caught him watching the whole mess. 

Bucky lazily stretched his lithe body with his navel peeking out, mouth drawn open with dark red debauched lips slick with saliva. Steve wasn't sure what Bucky's O face looked like, he kind of imagined it like that but he had a few dreams about it being another way; he could practically _hear_ the noises the brunette was making, Johnny taking liberties and kissing him along the side of his neck while his hips followed each and every movement Bucky put out. Jo’s hand slipped under that Henley that Steve’s mind kept supplying was _his_ and watched as it glided across tender skin. He knew he should have be looking away by now, but he couldn't solely over the fact that it was Bucky and damn him for being so weak about not stopping himself. 

Steve only felt the huge knot in his stomach tighten as he watched Johnny’s fingers trail under the fabric like a shark’s fin not breaking the surface of the water, material so thin, he could see him tease one of Bucky’s nipples underneath. Steve already did this to himself at Sam’s birthday, then again at the Halloween party and now he was doing it here again. 

He wasn’t entirely sure who to blame for this. His dose of Bucky dancing had just gone from comfortable to pornography and he finally concluded that this was Storm's fault because he wasn't sure this would have happened if it was someone else, maybe a little but not this level of exposure. He had seen him before, playing coy and teasing, but here now it was all thrown out the window, snake winding hips and lashes fanning out while his eyes were closed, face so enraptured in the moment he didn't care who was watching him. This was entirely bullshit.

Yet he couldn’t stop himself from tearing eyes away, another shot hitting his hand, catching Pietro’s grin and nod while he shoved another glass in his sister’s hand yelling something in her ear as she laughed and pushed him away, relenting to another drink. Natasha smiled at him, raising her juice with them when Clint raised his shot and yelled something that was drowned out by thick heavy bass and drums, everyone at the table taking a drink and slamming empty shot glasses on the table.

Bucky came back a few songs later, pushing his bangs back from his face and taking a shot of vodka Clint was holding out for him. He promptly parked himself down on Steve’s lap instead of waiting for him to move in or out of the booth and Steve was okay with that, Johnny running into some friends at the bar. 

Turning his head, Bucky wrapped fingers around the base of the beer Steve was trying to drink, redirecting the bottom to his own lips and drinking half of it down. Steve only watched in humor, maybe a little something more watching those lips wrap around the mouth of the bottle like it did. He finished off the rest when Bucky passed it back, bottom lip chewed at as he gave him a hopeful look and Steve already knew what was coming.

“No, not right now Buck..”

“Oh come on Stevie, please? I wanna dance!”

God he wanted to dance with Bucky, he wanted to dance as long as the club would let them. He wanted to hold Bucky and just have a good time, he also wanted to keep his brain from exploding.

“James!” Natasha shouted across the table, putting her hand out. Her other hand pushed Clint out of the booth and he was standing on his feet and helping her out quickly. His free hand rested on a ridiculous Panama hat he wore because this was Clint and Steve didn’t understand the red suspenders with the white undershirt and khaki slacks but he still looked good. Natasha got to her feet in a cute little sleeveless high waisted red dress, pausing just at the knees and already bouncing along to the music in her walk as she gestured for Bucky to join them. 

Bucky slipped out after them, Natasha giving him a wink, a smirk already sitting on her perfectly shaped lips. Steve watched her hips sway through the crowd, playfully pulling Clint along by his chin with one single delicate index finger underneath. 

Clint finally finding a good spot, pressed hands along her hips as they moved slowly to the linear building beat. His blue eyes raked over her body, nimble fingers grazing along the skirt of her short dress, hem temptingly moving just a touch, revealing more of her milky white thighs before it fell back into place. 

Natasha wrapped her arms around his neck, moving seductively under his hands; Barton’s face slack and enchanted, his bottom lip slipping from between his teeth, the glint from stage lights reflecting off them, the corner of Natasha’s mouth shifting to a knowing smirk as his hands slid along her waist and up her side. 

Catching up to the pair of them, Bucky moved against her like he always seemed to belong there efficiently pressing her in between both bodies, his hands formed against her upper thighs with the fabric of her skirt bunching under his fingers. His face was blotchy and red, eyes slipping closed as his own body moved to the music and with his partners. Bucky’s nose teasingly ran along her neck, a grin on his lips as she tilted her head for him mumbling something by her ear before he buried his face into deep red hair. 

Steve watched the brunette’s hips pressed against her back, Clint leaning in to kiss her achingly slow, his hands crossing over Bucky’s to rest against the outside of her hips. To say he was a little hypnotized by the complete synchronization of the trio, would have been a gross understatement and if he didn’t know better he would have wondered if there had ever been something a little more intimate between the three of them. He did know better though, Bucky’s hands never moving much of anywhere else as it looked more of Bucky comforted in her closeness than something heated and sexual whereas her and Clint was absolutely something different entirely.

Pietro had seated himself back into the booth, bringing a beer and a fruity red drink for Wanda watching Steve with a knowing grin across his face. He leaned close by Steve’s ear to make sure he was heard, “You like him a lot, no?”

Steve jumped, looking to see the male beside him, tilting his head towards him, “Am I that obvious?”

A giggle to the side came from Wanda, eyes twinkling and revealing that yes, he was that obvious.

“Wanda. You’re supposed to be on my side.”

“Not when I have no way to defend you Steven.” 

Pietro chuckled with the shake of head, giving Steve a shrug. He then gestured at him to get up and go for it. “Take some of that sandwich from Natalia, prost!”

Steve gave the Sokovian a look that was supposed to be something similar to a disapproval but Piet knew him better than that breaking out into laugh as the male began pushing him out of the booth. Pietro abruptly stopped him in second thought, quickly undoing the buttons on Steve’s green plaid shirt with a smirk, revealing a white tank top underneath. He tugged and pulled off the offending article of clothing, tossing it over in their seats and then gestured to the blond with a thumbs up.

Steve chuckled because he frankly had no other choice, drifting through the crowd, nervousness knotting up in his stomach again. He wasn’t sure if Bucky would even dance with him since he was already pressed against Natasha while she was kissing Clint. 

He swallowed everything away, not giving himself any time to think. Steve made his way around a couple of people, a hand pressed against Bucky’s shoulder to get his attention. In a small daze, he looked up while Natasha’s eyes watched him as she placed kisses along Clint’s face. She nudged Bucky his way, stealing Clint’s hat to put it on her own head, hugging him around his ribs and he smiled at her. 

Bucky grinned at the sight of Steve, mouthing his name through the loud vibrations of the music. He turned to face him completely, Steve not even sure what to do at that moment. He had drank less than Bucky but he was feeling just as fucked up being near him, a veil of fog overtaking his mind. He watched Bucky’s expression change when he was really noticing him, eyeing his body up and down in his one size too small tank top and jeans. Looking dumbfounded at biceps in full view, his grey eyes grew wide while hands moved up to caress said muscles, and Steve couldn’t help the stupid smile on his face as he watched Bucky’s drunk fascination with his own, skin already receiving a soft sheen from all the body heat around them. 

Bucky grasped at the front of his top, pulling their bodies close; Steve pressed his hands against Bucky’s hips, pulling him in to dance and they both moved in together in one smooth movement. He could feel the way Bucky moved in a cumbersome drunk way yet he still did it well, the alcohol making his own head feel cloudy but he could still soak in the sexy sway of hips following the way they carried to the tune, how they played him and Steve _wanted_. 

He was already drowning in the sea, his fingers digging through the fabric of his friend’s jeans and maybe Bucky hummed, a smile breaking away before he was just laughing happily. Clinging and keeping him close, Bucky moved his head in, nose brushing along Steve’s cheek, the heavy smell of alcohol on his breath. Hands slid, tank top bunching up against the balls of his fingers, warm air hitting exposed skin along Steve’s abs and the whole damn environment was making things worse, Bucky smiling so sweet he didn’t know how bruised lips so full and plush and looking so debauched belonged to the same person. 

Steve wrapped his arms around and they both pressed together, his heart racing faster just holding him tight, content like this. Bucky’s breath brushed along his earlobe, drunkenly singing along to the song when he picked it up clearer, and Steve was honestly surprised he knew the lyrics to it so well when he himself could barely remember them. 

His hands moved to rest gingerly against Bucky’s lower back enjoying the feel of his hips moving to the music, trying his best not to shift them lower. A rough rush of air escaped Steve’s lips as he felt Bucky’s palms press up against his stomach and fingers lightly dug into his hard flesh. 

Steve couldn’t help the stupid laugh at how drunkenly adorable he was, Bucky suddenly peering at him with his misty eyes and a glint of a mischievous smirk. Steve could feel the way his face was burning, a layer of sweat across his forehead and above his lip, the alcohol and the rise in temperature doing a number on him. All he wanted was get a dance with Bucky but everything seemed to work in the most uncomfortable way on him.

Steve naturally gave a raise of his brow feeling Bucky’s nails run against his bare skin like he couldn’t get enough of it causing goose bumps to trail after. He watched him shift in his arms, pressing the back of his frame into Steve’s causing him to let out a surprised grunt. Bucky moved his hands along Steve’s arms again curling his fingers with his and Steve’s arms naturally wrapped tighter around his waist, glassy eyed and giddy. 

Steve felt his breathing pick up, his head instinctively pushing into the crook of Bucky’s exposed neck, the brunette’s ass dancing to the music pressing dangerously close into Steve. He flustered, a groan escaping his mouth. The music was loud, but he wasn’t sure how much Bucky could hear. His stomach swelling with heat and excitement. 

He tried his best to bury it but Bucky really wasn’t helping. His eyes curiously watched lashes almost sweeping low across high cheekbones, face red and lightly sweating as he continued to sing like they were the only two in the room. He watched as the chorus bounced out and Bucky bit down on his bottom lip, head hanging forward a touch; Steve snuggled close, brushing his nose along his ear.

Steve’s breathing hastened, both bodies moving together, his lips pressed hard against Bucky’s neck and he couldn’t help breathe in against it. He swore he heard Bucky moan, he wasn’t sure, it was too loud and if it wasn’t the music it was his own heartbeat in his ears. He did feel Bucky respond physically, his ass pressing harder into him and instantly Steve tensed up. His eyes squeezed shut while Bucky ground into the front of his jeans. 

“Oh _God_.” He heard himself blurt out before he even realized.

Bucky arched his back as he lost himself in the music Steve taking the small piece of heaven that he could, his hands slipping under the brunette’s shirt, fingers caressing along his stomach. Bucky’s head sunk back against Steve’s bare shoulder, pushing harder into him if that was even possible. 

“Bucky..” Steve heard himself mutter out against his neck. Steve’s blood rushed through his body, feeling himself grow hot. His consciousness began to gnaw at him to stop, to contain himself while the embarrassment growing in his pants was telling him to do whatever he damn well pleased. Bucky writhed against him, one hand sliding through Steve’s hair to grasp at it, giving it a tug. 

“ _Steve_.” Bucky whimpered out.

It was barely there but Steve heard it, oh he definitely heard it and it was the end. Steve had to stop or he would take Bucky right then, on the floor, against the damn wall, he didn’t care. He forced himself off him, stumbling backwards and accidentally bumping into some people behind him. Bucky turned around in confusion and Steve stepped back towards him, taking hands and shaking his head, gesturing for him to join him to sit and Bucky nodded, a relieved sigh escaping Steve in thankful serenity.

Steve called down some bottled waters and thrust one in Bucky’s hands while he willed himself to calm down. Pietro let them know Johnny had called it early because he was taking someone home and Bucky laughed, nodding in approval. 

He turned to Steve, biting his lip playfully, “Wanna take me home Stevie?”

Steve almost did a spit take, shaking his head and pointing an accusatory finger at him, “Quit it.”

Bucky only laughed, humored in it as he dropped his head back and soaked in the music. Steve had to take a visit to the bathroom, getting out of the booth to take care of it. When he came back he found their seating area empty, Pietro and Wanda dancing together to an upbeat song as was Nat and Clint. A little searching around spied Bucky taking a shot at the bar and someone leaning in to talk to him. His eyes narrowed on the hand on his lower back and then after some people moved out of his line of sight, he saw the body of the person. He knew that profile too well, making his way past a small crowd and stalking towards the bar almost reaching it when he saw Bucky step aside from the hand, slapping it away. His features pulling an irritated face, brows knit in frustration, gesturing for Dylan to get away like he was done listening to whatever he was saying. 

A sense of pride awoke inside of Steve, Bucky turning back to his vodka cranberry and sipping it through the short black straw like he was one hundred percent done with this shit. He caught up to Bucky just as Dylan was still trying to get his hooks in and Steve shoved him by the shoulder this time around.

“He made it clear for you to back off, so do it. Or I’ll make you do it, like last time.”

The moment Dylan realized Steve came back, an expression crossed his face that was a something in between wariness and annoyance, raising his hands up and backing the fuck out of there. Steve turned to Bucky when he felt an arm slip around him. 

“Aw Stevie, you’re so good to me.”

Steve stared at Bucky fondly, giving him a tight half hug as he pressed his lips just off his cheek by his ear, not exactly giving him a kiss but resting them there for a moment talking against skin, “That wasn’t just me, it was mostly all you Buck. Proud of you.”

Bucky only beamed at him, rested his head against the shoulder before him.

*****

It was easier said than done trying to get Bucky inside and upright without sloppy, drunken smiles and his hands roaming and his nose nuzzling into his neck. Steve was aware of how drunk he was, body refusing to move how he wanted it to but aware enough of what he was going and how he was responding to it. They both fell against the door when it closed, arms tangled around each other and he felt so out of breath, a yearning hunger settled in his belly and Bucky pressed tight against his frame pinning him there.

He bit his lower lip and smiled at him and Steve was already introduced to that look, almost led astray so easily, his head spinning as he surged forward guiding Bucky off him.

“Gotta get you to bed.” 

Bucky stared at him through tired half lidded eyes, fingers slipping under Steve’s tank top, “Couch is closer.”

Sighing, Steve closed his eyes, “Really hope you’re talking about sleep.” 

Giggling away, Bucky hugged him close, pressing his cheek against his chest, “It’s too hot Stevie.” 

“Let’s sit down on the couch huh? Take a second. Get you something cold to drink.” 

It was hard enough to convince Natasha not to step in, that he was sober enough, her eyes telling him that she wasn’t sure about that and there was a high chance they were gonna end up in bed together with regrets in the morning. In the end she gave in, subtly warning Steve that if anything did happen it was gonna be all on him. It was simple, made sense until Bucky turned into an octopus in the back of the cab and wouldn’t let him go. He just held him and that was fine but he knew what touching could lead to, plus he was determined not to fuck up.

Bucky nodded against him, both stumbling against the arm of the couch before falling in a heap against it feeling their weight shift it against the floor a few inches. Bucky only laughed louder, dropping his head back against the cushions, legs stretched out against the floor and fingers hooked against the straps of Steve’s tank top, “Hey.”

Trying not to crush Bucky, Steve sat sideways and rested his arm against the back of the couch to leverage himself, side pressed into the padding, one leg under Bucky’s as he hunched to hands tugging him closer, “Yeah?” 

“You look good Stevie.”

“Nah, _you_ look better.” He playfully drawled out pressing a hand into the couch at Bucky’s side to keep himself from partially falling on top of him. “You need water though.”

Bucky tugged harder and Steve grinned as he fought against him, only managing to wiggle himself out of the tank and triumphantly sit back up bare chested and proud though a few seconds later he wasn’t sure if he had just won or if Bucky had. He wasn’t going to think too hard on it, his head aching a bit as he pushed off and rose to his feet feeling eyes watch him as he headed to the kitchen but not before stumbling into the table and more laughter bubbling up from the sitting area. Steve only laughed with him, pawing for the waters in the fridge and dry swallowing a pair of pain reliever tablets after retrieving the bottle from his odds and ends drawer. He stubbed his toe on the way back, unsure of if the furniture was moved or if he was really _that_ drunk, absently glad that the Christmas tree was on the other side of the room at least.

He dropped himself down on the couch, “Here Buck, drink some water.”

Bucky ignored him, fiddling with his phone until music began to play and he sat up, humming to a slow thrum of a beat and climbing onto his lap instead and Steve stared up, holding the water out.

He finally took the bottle, absently sipping at it with his head bowed away to the side standing on knees planted at either end of Steve’s thighs gently swaying to the beat of Tearing Me Up and Steve’s hands instinctively hooked around those knees to brace him just in case, staring up as he watched. They both happened to miss hitting the lights, Christmas tree glowing with rainbow colors that danced along their sides and Bucky drank the rest of water, humming along as he did, free hand dancing along his neck with the beat in his hips, light catching water slipping away from lips and down his chin. Steve reached up, brushing it away with his thumb. 

Breaking out into a lazy honey dipped smile, Bucky dropped his head to press a kiss to it, bringing his hands out to maneuver Steve’s to his hips mouthing along to the lyrics while his arms draped around his friend’s neck and slid in closer. 

Steve felt numb, hands fumbling along jeans until palms slid under fabric and against Bucky’s warm smooth back, wrapping his arms around tight to hold Bucky in place, face pressing into his chest and nuzzling into his shirt.

“I’m so dizzy Buck.” It was more to himself than to him, voice muffled, nosing Bucky’s chest as fingers sank into his hair and he inhaled the gentle scent of baby lotion mingling with alcohol and sweat.

Bucky hummed softly, tightening fingers around Steve’s hair as he tugged at it lightly, smoothing it out soon after, lowering himself down to fit warm snug thighs around Steve’s hips.

This was too dangerous, Steve moving his head back out of Bucky’s Henley, “We should go to bed.” 

Oddly enough, Bucky agreed with him, petting into hair affectionately and Steve tilted his head just so, moistened lips brushing against inner wrist, eliciting a startled giggle before Bucky was drawing his hand away. His other hand danced along Steve’s bare shoulder, dull nails skating across the curve of his bicep. Where Steve was muscular, skin stretched tight and firm; he explored the contrast of Bucky’s smaller lithe frame, skin soft and supple, sitting still against his lap and somewhere in the back of the white noise in his head Steve was very thankful for that. 

He watched as Bucky wrapped his arms around his neck, dipping his head low to press a light kiss at his temple. Steve felt himself smile, rubbing Bucky’s back in slow smooth circles under his shirt the body in his lap entirely pliant for him.

As much as Steve wanted to stay this way, he wasn’t sure if Bucky was coming down or if his moods would shift to something else not wanting a reenactment of the last time he was drunk and showed up at his door. Considering he himself was a little trapped in his boozy filled mind, he was losing track of personal boundaries and lulling into a false sense of simple security.

His hand slid to the side tracing out each faint sign of rib bone, Bucky curling in as he tucked his face into golden hair absently floating on affection and docility, the pads of Steve’s fingers mapping out his spine and all of his perfect little curves.

It was the soft little weak kitten noises that roused him, trying to shake his head from the fog of just being close enough to Bucky to touch unblemished skin and worship it in secret for as long as he was allowed to under mostly the cover of darkness. He blinked slowly, fingers pushing light pressure against Bucky’s shoulder watching him sit upright and they stared at each other for a long time, shadows draped across Bucky’s features. Steve reached up and stroked the underside of that dimpled chin before him, “We should go to sleep.”

*****

Bucky woke up first, sporting a dull throbbing headache but the sight of Steve sleeping on his side facing him with no shirt on and sweats that were way too low to be legal made it all okay. He was tempted to grab at the drawstring and reel him in but he knew that might not be one of his best ideas, rolling onto his back under the covers and stretching himself out, toes wiggling as he did.

Steve stirred, cracking an eye open just before he shifted to lay on his stomach, unceremoniously draping himself partially over Bucky’s body. One leg fit between Bucky’s, an arm dropping across his chest, nose bumping into his arm, “Hey.”

Smirking at him, Bucky raised a brow, “Are you comfy? I won’t be able to get up.”

Adding insult to injury, Steve pulled the leg he had draped his over closer to his body to hook Bucky’s away, curling his hand at Bucky’s opposite side to pull him in and Bucky just let him do as he pleased, closing his eyes again. He rested his hand against Steve’s arm feeling lips brush along his shoulder and even with the thin fabric of his shirt to separate it from connecting with his skin he could still feel every detail of them, trying to refrain from a shiver. 

Humming softly, Bucky traced his finger along Steve’s wrist bones, “Can we sleep in?”

Steve grunted, face pressed into Bucky’s arm and most likely falling asleep again. His head abruptly snapped up like he had forgotten something and then he moved to sit up, “Shit I was thinking about something last night.”

Only half interested in listening and a hundred percent hoping to go back to sleep, Bucky opened an eye absently, “Huh?”

Steve suddenly had a determined look across his features, “Hey, at the club I was thinking really hard about something and I want to respect your wishes and all but I just, I wanna still do it and make sure I’m helping as much as I can.”

Bucky gazed at him curiously, “Tasers are illegal Stevie.” 

Rolling his eyes, Steve sat himself up, turning to the drawer at his side to pull something out, “No weapons, no mace. It’s an option, an option I’ve always given you until you stopped it. I want you to have it back.” 

“Steve..”

A stubborn hand nudged Bucky to turn away from him a little when he gestured for him to sit up, a thin ball chain going around his neck anchored by two keys resting gently against Bucky’s chest, fingers immediately reached up to grasp at them. He heard the soft snap of it closing behind him and Steve brought him back to face him, features serious through a fog of groggy awareness. He stole the keys out of loose fingers, both clinking together like a pair of dog tags as he tucked them under Bucky’s shirt, pressing his hand against his chest and feeling out the outline softly with his thumb.

“Steve..” Bucky whispered again softly, placing a hand over his.

He snapped out of his head, peering at Bucky’s questioning gaze although he could see the gentle affection in it as well, “Wherever you are, if you’re closer to me you come here. I don’t care what anyone thinks, I really don’t. If I can’t be there to get an asshole to back off, at least know my place is somewhere safe for you. I was closest to that club, I wanna be an option. I don’t care if it’s four in the morning or four in the afternoon, it’s safe here.” 

Bucky felt his face grimace, twisting in a way to argue, to say something valid over why this wasn’t right and yet the ducked down dip of Steve’s head glancing at him with honest blue hopeful stubborn eyes had Bucky’s hands cupping at his jaw to look at him. Just look and study him, a thumb grazing along the trail of hair above his lip, heart stuttering over how strongly Steve felt about this, eyes so bright, set in a determination for Bucky to just _listen_. 

Bucky stared back, swallowing slowly knowing he could never escape Steve if he tried, he never wanted to anyway. His arms eventually slipped around Steve’s neck and hugged him close, so tight he didn’t care if it was hurting him. The arms around his ribs crushed around him like a vice and he wondered if he should be breathing anymore, nails lightly roving over Steve’s bare skin. 

It was like forever and not long enough when Steve pulled back apologetically, he loosened up but kept close, this air between them where everything was invulnerable. Bucky was warm this way, hands smoothed over the freckles Steve hid along his upper back and their world was bound together wrapped in stars and anchored in each others orbit. 

Steve lifted a hand to brush back the bangs fanning along Bucky’s forehead, fingers light as he intently pushed them back into his hair seeking out those pale grey’s watching him so carefully, “Can I make you something to eat? I won’t do anything destructive, I promise. Simple eggs, toast..maybe a bit of bacon that’s not from a turkey?”

His voice was soft, gentle, like he was trying to coax him out of somewhere. Bucky wasn’t sure where he was hiding, open and seated before him in the most simplest of ways but he was, emerging with just those few words and he smiled at him, touching him because he might just die if he couldn’t. His mind wondered, seeking if he was still dreaming, but he knew, keys warming to the heat of his skin and absorbing the beat of his heart that everything was real and Bucky offered the world everything he could give just for Steve to stay like this and be his.

Bucky smiled, playing with the bits of dirty blond hair at the nape of Steve’s neck, no plans to let him go, “Yeah Stevie, make me something to eat.”

*****

Working off a minor hangover, Bucky curled up and read most of the afternoon while Steve added finishing touches and details to pieces he was going to put out for the show. The absent jingling any time Bucky moved was like a weird comfort to Steve knowing it hadn’t been taken off which was an ongoing worry to him knowing if Bucky wanted to he would and Steve wasn’t going to try to bother him again..at least not for a while.

Take out was ordered after Natasha called and said she had to leave last minute with Clint to her parents and Sunday dinner was canceled. It wasn’t too odd considering holidays and come January everything would be back to its normal self again. Dishes were being washed while Bucky was studying around at the paintings and sketches Steve had laying about, many of them pulled out and dusted off, though there was a good chunk brand new and ready for their unveil. 

One in particular stood out to him, staring at it longer than the others resting on one of his easels. It was of the park across the way but different. More trees and a pond that currently was frozen and farther from sight where they were faced. Snow fell around and most of the piece was black and white covered by excruciatingly detailed trees and the heaviness of the weather except in the far corner. A figure crouched almost inconspicuous in such an environment back by the frozen pond. Fingers touched at the ice and color bled into the spot, slowly seeping and melting into the small space around fingers still white, a vague small smile was barely caught, hardly noticeable to anyone just taking a look at the painting and easily ignored. Bucky saw it though, complete with the black ski hat from the bowed away head that made Bucky squint his eyes, a barely shown white star hidden in the folds instead of it’s usual red embossed on it.

He turned to find Steve standing there looking behind him as he dried off his hands.

“Who’s that?”

He smiled at him, “Figured it was obvious once you saw the ski hat.”

Confusion struck the brunette, turning back to look at the painting, “Why me?”

Taking a step forward and studying it beside him, the piece was last minute, something he had to get out of him. He wasn’t aiming for vague or secretive, it was too blatant to be that way anyway to many and to use Bucky, it was admiration that showed itself off if anyone recognized him.

“I thought it was pretty obvious.”

“I don’t..I’m not..” Bucky stuttered out, unsure of the true nature of Steve’s message and not wanting to make a show of something that was incorrect. He gestured at it instead, “I don’t do that.”

“Yeah you do,” Fondness crept into his voice, the corner of his mouth perking up as he spoke, “You’ve been doing it every day the moment you were breathing.”

There was silence and Steve moved in a little, finger lightly brushing along the canvas, “If you like I can leave it out of the show. It’s not an issue.”

A soft huff escaped Bucky, “Are you kidding, it’s wonderful. I keep telling you to do whatever you like with things I’m painted in, it’s your work Steve. I’m just surprised is all, I don’t know how you do it. You always make me look different than who I think I am. It leaves me kinda surprised, maybe speechless.” 

Steve shook his head, “I just paint Bucky. Just let my hand lead and I paint. I usually never have plans and I’m always going on instinct. My mind adores putting you into pieces and I just let it do as it pleases. I know I’m not the only one that sees you differently than you see yourself so you can’t be that surprised.”

“Cept that I am.” Bucky retrieved his phone, glancing over at his friend, “You mind if I take a picture to keep on my Instagram?”

“I didn’t even know you had an Instagram.”

Bucky lifted one of his shoulders before dropping it back down as he took a picture, then a second for safe measure, “You should add me so I can link this with you so everyone knows but I barely use it. Honestly my phone is full of my ass for the most part, I’d be in deep trouble sharing that.”

Snorting, Steve wasn’t sure what to say, pulling his phone out as he scrolled around and stood beside Bucky to get his Winter Soldier ID, “Okay done.”

“You seriously named yourself Captain America?”

Steve grinned, making a mental note to look at Bucky’s account when he looked less stalkish about it, “People were asking when I said I paint and I was in costume at the hospital, it was the first thing to come to mind. Like you should talk Winter Soldier.”

“Hey, you know where mine’s from. I’ve always been into shooters.”

He glanced up to watch Bucky sit himself down on the couch, sending texts off. He wasn't even snooping when he found out Johnny led a very active Instagram account. It was actually Thor that unintentionally shined the light on it by posting a new picture of some party he was at with college friends when he wanted to see what was up with his friend. One arm wrapped around Johnny's neck and tagging him in it. Of course curiosity got the better of him and he clicked on it, finding numerous shots of him with various friends and different parties. The latest picture was of a picture he took of himself with his arm around Bucky, his head tilted away with a boyish grin while Johnny pressed a kiss to his cheek and a message saying ‘One of my favorite people. :)’. 

Numerous messages followed after it of how cute they were and he knew he was torturing himself but it was just what he did. Steve followed into Bucky's account which was mostly sparse of his own images and more of pictures he took that interested him and of people he liked. A small pang of memory crossed him when he saw the pictures of dinosaurs that he remembered Bucky taking at the museum when they went together, another couple of their ride through the Catskills on the back of his bike.

The ones of him that were there found him smiling, honest and open, some with a hint of amusement. There was others though that held crinkles of laugh lines and disguised pain sitting around deep grey blues with an expression that seemed to extend a gesture of lingering hope, most of the images seemingly taken by someone else holding his phone.

Steve sat back against his couch as he gazed fondly at one picture in particular of just Bucky's face in a side profile that evidently someone sitting beside him must have taken. He held a gentle smile, warm and caring while his careful eyes had shifted to look at the camera like he was holding something away. The conflict in it only showed how Bucky was, trying as best he could to hide some sort of pain or hurt and even with whatever he locked away he still looked at bits of the world like they were precious gifts. Memories of shy sweet smiles ran through his mind that he made sure to collect of Bucky. Even if the world wasn't always kind to him, Steve knew Bucky was always trying to be kind to the world.

Steve turned to look over at Bucky still typing away, “Do you use anything else besides this?”

Bucky shook his head, “Nope. I had some before but they’re all wiped and deleted. We got family lawyers and some random publicist for that. Of course if my dick gets posted on the net, which is rife with potential on that happening, it’ll probably be there forever but so far that hasn't happened. Hell, if someone hacked into Johnny's phone, or mine there’s probably enough in there.”

Steve laughed though somewhat forced, hiding it behind his mug as he took a sip not at all sulking about Storm holding intimate pictures in his phone.

The phone went off again and this time he looked over, Steve catching a message of maybe tomorrow run across a text Bucky was typing out and he couldn’t help seeing the name across the top. 

“Not to be nosy but, I thought you weren’t talking to that Kyle guy anymore?”

Bucky made a disinterested noise, sending off his text as he stretched his legs out and tucked his phone away, “He asked if I wanna have a drink with him tonight, I said maybe tomorrow.”

“Isn’t that code for sex?”

He snuggled into the couch, “Mhm.”

Raising a brow in confusion, Steve wasn’t entirely sure how to broach the next question, “So..Kyle, martini guy Kyle whom you didn’t hang out with after you two did it and I came to pick you up, you’re gonna see him again?”

Bucky glanced over at him with the same brow expression, “Yeah..?”

“I thought he was the reason you got upset?”

“Nah, it was just a general thing. Him, he was a good lay. Actually amazing for a fuck and run if I gotta say.”

Steve frowned, “You sure about this..?”

Sighing out, Bucky reached over and pressed a hand against his shoulder, “Stevie, I’m glad you were there for me and I thank you for it but he wasn’t the issue and you were there when I needed you. Now I’m fine and I plan to meet up with this guy and probably have sex because frankly he was smoking hot and I’d be an idiot not to do it again. There’s no reason to worry about me.”

“I’m just confused, first you need me to make you feel better and now you’re going back to someone that may trigger making you feel like shit again?”

“Mhm.”

“Are you hearing yourself?”

“Are _you_ hearing yourself? I told you it wasn’t him, if it was I wouldn’t go hang out with the guy. I always got Johnny to call up or any of the guys or _girls_ I meet while I’m out. Jesus you sound so uptight.”

Steve brushed a hand in the air shrugging with a roll of his eyes, “Oh yes. Right, because I can’t ask you what’s up when you were the one crying and saying you felt lonely after fucking a stranger, yeah sorry for being concerned about your frame of mind.”

“I never asked you to be, I know you wanna look out for me and all that shit but don’t throw that back in my face when you like the fact that I’m there for you when your boyfriend isn’t. Don’t use me then make me feel bad because I needed you when I felt bad.”

Steve frowned, he didn’t want this escalating and forced his tone to stay calm, “I don’t use you, I like being around you. I don’t want you feeling bad, that’s the entire point of me bringing it up.”

Bucky’s jaw clenched slightly, “And I told you he was fine so just leave it alone. God, if you weren’t sleeping with Tony I would honestly think you’re disgusted with me sleeping around with dudes.”

Exhaling a drag of his breath Steve nodded to him, “Sure Buck, I’m sorry and of course I’m not disgusted with you sleeping around. Was just, you know whatever.”

He sat in this hole of frustration, but said nothing else about it turning his gaze back at the television to try and watch that instead. Bucky was right technically, but it still didn’t make anything feel better to him. Even with Christmas and all that the fight was still fresh in their minds, he was not going to mess things up.

Bucky stared, only drawing away when his phone went off again and this time it was Jason confirming their meet at some new club people on his grapevine had been raving about. Tonight he had an appointment to keep and get things sorted out.

“Hey there’s a new club called Red Skull I wanna check out tonight, you wanna come with?”

Bucky wasn’t going to tell Steve exactly why he was going, knowing the guy would either stop him or want to get into it too which was not what he wanted.

Shrugged like Steve didn’t much care about anything, obviously still touchy, “I dunno Buck, wanted to have a quiet night and just relax. Get a bit more work done, maybe watch a movie, you know?”

Bucky could only shrug, grabbing his leather jacket off the coat hook, “Sure grandpa, see you later then.”

Steve lifted his head up, peeking over, “You’re seriously gonna leave?”

Picking up his shoes, Bucky shrugged at him, “Yeah? What else was I going to do, hang out here?”

“I thought so..?”

“I’m going out Stevie, I wanna get drunk and maybe have some hot awesome sex with someone. Not into hanging out at your place tonight and anyway with shit going on like it was before I’m not sure I should even be here a second time after midnight honestly. I don’t wanna cause shit and like the first night I slept over, I shouldn’t have done it. I care about you way too much to start all this crap again and I’m not getting into another fight with your boyfriend when it’s been what? A week and a half? My dad’ll castrate me.”

Bucky was right about the Tony thing, he was so completely right on but it was making Steve angry that it got like this and he sighed, getting up to move around the couch, “This is all bullshit though and you got drunk last night, doesn’t that get boring?”

“Look, I’m not arguing with you about it because I know you can convince me to do what I shouldn’t do. I’m not starting shit and yeah because what you want to do is any better.”

“Hey, you weren’t saying anything when you were enjoying the Friends marathon the other day!”

Bucky broke out in a smile, “Yeah but I wanna go out, I’d like you to join me too. I need to have some more fun, let loose, you know?”

He wanted to say something but he chose to keep his mouth shut instead giving Bucky a helpless shrug and a nod, “It’s just if that’s what you want to do, it’s what you’re gonna do Buck. I think I’m gonna go take a shower.”

Bucky watched Steve go into the bathroom, bating his breath as he watched the door close and eventually the shower went on. He slipped his shoes on hating the guilt Steve just threw on him like Bucky didn’t see him doing it and maybe he didn’t entirely do it on purpose but it felt like he did and he had enough experience with people talking to him like he owed them something to know when Steve Rogers was possibly trying to do it unintentionally too. He threw open the door and slammed it loudly behind him, he had an asshole to meet.

*****

Bucky met with Jason at the bar, wary of the guy’s movements and hating the pleased smile he was getting from him. He decided after all the fighting happening around him that he would try to be diplomatic first and his body thanked him graciously as it wasn’t in the mood to be thrown into any tables or bars..or china cabinets for awhile even if he was generally in decent health again.

Of course as he predicted, Jason attempted detracting from the thing with Johnny and blaming the alcohol while simultaneously seeing if he could still get a date out of it with him even with everything that happened. 

Their drinks arrived and Bucky glanced over at his glass, taking the short straw to swirl it around before turning back to him, “Look, I agreed to having a drink because I didn’t want to come off as an asshole but this isn’t going to lead to me going out with you. I’m only here to tell you that you need to stay away from me and especially my friends. I’m doing you a favor because this can go a whole different direction and I really don’t want it to.”

Jason only smiled wider, and Bucky internally cringed, “Well aren’t you sweet.”

Trying not to roll his eyes, Bucky looked around for any signs of Johnny knowing he may show up and he certainly didn’t need him getting into the middle of things while he was trying to create a wall. Or Steve, God he was feeling stupid worrying about Steve when he made it clear he didn’t want to come and would stay at home but dammit.

“You okay?”

Bucky blinked out of his thoughts and nodded, tapping his fingers along his glass, “Just fine.” 

“You don’t look fine, you look..worried.”

“I just..” Bucky shook his head trying to get out of that trap he was probably getting baited into, “Nothing. Please, just once this drink is done I’m going to take off and we’re never going to talk again. Not me, not to any of my friends if you know they’re my friends so you can get some info about me. I’m spelling this out for you as clearly as I possibly can because I don’t want to get into a mess with you. It won’t work out for you.”

Jason shrugged, giving him a nonchalant nod as he turned to focus on his drink and take a small sip, “I get it. Heard you got into a fight with that Stark guy, must have been tough not hitting him back like you wanted to.”

Chewing back the urge to call him a stalker and disgustingly creepy, Bucky smiling apprehensively drinking down half his drink to get this ball rolling, “Maybe, I’m not going to talk to you about that anyway.”

Licking his lips, Jason ran his eyes over Bucky’s body with shameless fascination, “What _do_ you wanna talk about then?”

******

Steve arrived to the club with a thick line of people and a frown on his face. There was no way he was gonna get through to even apologize to Bucky, getting out of the shower feeling like a shit heel for acting like he was. It wasn’t Bucky’s responsibility to entertain him and it wasn’t like clubbing on back to back days was anything new for him. He should have been more understanding, skimming the line to see if Bucky was in it but he was pretty sure he wasn’t with almost an hour passed between them. He attempted calling Bucky’s phone again but it went straight to voice mail, standing around in line with a fixed glare across his face.

A good ten or so minutes passed before he heard someone calling his name up ahead, raising his head to Johnny waving a hand and his hand flew up before he even had the time to think about it. Trust Johnny to recognize him in a crowd, clenching his jaw but any chance of getting in faster was a chance he was going to take. The brunette gestured for him to step out of the line and join him, a few of his friends already going inside past a bouncer and the sectioned off barrier after saying something to him, Johnny nodded and then turned to grin at Steve.

“Hey! Fancy meeting you here, where’s Buck?”

Confusion immediately crossed Steve’s features because he figured that was why Johnny was there in the first place, tilting his head towards the club, “Uh, I think he’s already inside. I haven’t seen him and he hasn’t been answering my calls.”

Holding up his phone, Johnny nodded sympathetically, “Mine either, but he said he wasn’t coming out tonight. Weird. I’ve been trying to call and warn him about his stalker guy showing up, one of my friends saw him and remembered- ”

Steve stopped him, pressing a hand at his arm, “Stalker? What stalker?”

Johnny shrugged helplessly, “I don’t know man, some weird dude. He didn’t tell you anything about him?”

“No. I would have remembered a guy stalking Bucky, who is it?”

He tried thinking back to remember everything Bucky said about him, snapping his fingers as Steve only glared at him for answers, “Some guy! He said he came to your bar and was being creepy?”

Steve nodded, “Yeah a guy came in and touched his face. Bucky put him in an arm lock and told him to get lost.”

Pointing at him and nodding, Johnny smiled in recognition, “That’s him. Buck said he saw him at a club and he tried hitting on him again then the first time I saw him was at a coffee shop on his date with Mike..”

“He saw him the night he had a date with Mike?” Steve blurted out impatiently.

“Yeah, he did. Anyway the guy was way past sleaze level and then I ran into him at a club I go to and he started a stupid fight with me. Think he was trying some alpha male crap like we’re in some jungle or something and not in New York. Buck found out and said he was going to kick his ass. Told him not to do something stupid like that but if the guy’s here and you said Bucky’s here then we gotta find them, or at least Buck.”

The idea that Bucky had been hiding all this from him riled up something awful within him, following Johnny briskly through the crowd after they were allowed inside, cutting past the line and silently thanking Johnny for once on his widely public party boy celebrity status. 

To think some guy that had been _flirting_ with Bucky and making unwanted advances towards him after the first encounter and he never bothered telling him so at least he could try and help was really something he couldn’t get past. They decided to comb the private upper VIP areas first and use the level vantage to look over the expansive main floor for any signs of him. He already saw there were _three_ large bars with at least three bartenders at each and even with that there were still crowds of people around them all. This was going to be hell. 

It took him a few seconds to realize the reason why Bucky thought to avoid telling him the second Johnny was trying to point a route out to him and he had looked down at his hands. He followed Johnny’s gaze, glancing at fists already in the ready because he was automatically thinking like a caveman and prepared quite simply on beating the bloody shit out of someone if only because this guy came at Bucky more than once after he had been told to leave him alone the first time. 

No, this guy hit a nerve and worry as well as shock quickly dissolved into anger. He was upset and he was still going to drop someone on the ground no doubt but yeah, he could now see why Bucky kept it from him. He would have done anything to stop him or offered to hit the guy instead which he was sure neither were what Bucky wanted happening.

“Diplomacy’s only gonna get your so far Buck.” He muttered out under his breath, looking around irritably. 

It took them awhile to even get up the stairs, Steve using his size and girth to intimidate people out of his way as he pushed past them in a huff, Johnny trailing behind in his wake offering apologetic smiles and gentle shoulder pats to people looking bothered about it. Steve couldn’t be troubled playing nice, not when Bucky had some creep in his vicinity not sure if someone like that could possibly be much worse than giving him unwanted attention and he sure as hell wasn’t going to wait around to find out.

*****

Drink glass empty, Jason had been droning on about something vocational just to keep talking before he gestured to the bartender to get Bucky another except that was the moment Bucky himself realized something suddenly felt odd. He tried to move his head but he felt _different_ like something wasn't right, like everything had started to ease down into a liquid smoothness he couldn't quite understand. Some of it felt similar to his medication but only a fraction, Jason peering at him as Bucky blinked a few times to focus, an odd cloudiness just barely licking at the edges of his vision.

_The hell’s going on?_

Alarms flashed through Bucky’s mind and self preservation kicked in, his eyes dancing over the bar for something, _anything_ as he dragged his hand to the small holder with bamboo toothpicks individually wrapped and thicker than regular flimsy picks. The whole thing toppling over when he managed to grab one and fumbled to get it out, absently putting it in his mouth and gauging just how listless he was suddenly feeling.

Jason reached over, cleaning up the mess before any of the bartenders noticed, his eyes studying Bucky in concern, “Are you okay James? You look, confused.” 

Bucky felt a hand reach over and touch his chin, his nose crinkling and he moved his head back, his own hand pressing to his mouth heavy and slow to remove the toothpick and tuck it between fingers. Each second that passed seem to make it harder for him to move.

“Name isn't..James. Don't..don’t, touch me.”

Speaking was a whole event in itself, tongue heavy and felt like it didn't belong inside his mouth. He tried to push Jason's hand away with his other but it was difficult to just lift up his arm, the sensation of fingers spreading across his cheek sank in and Bucky's heart started to beat faster. His bogged up mind tried working out variables and what could have happened. He thought about how long his own medication took to kick in, he read about all this, he wasn't stupid, he knew what this was..

“My drink..”

His eyes swerved to his glass, quickly filled though he hadn’t even noticed when it did and splitting into doubles and slowly into triples before it returned back to one glass sitting and staring back at him. The music louder in his ears, thicker bass droning on and on around him.

“Oh I think you're done with drinks for tonight. We should probably get you home, tuck you into bed, huh?”

Brows furrowing, Bucky flared his nostrils trying to will himself to stand up; instead his head fell forward, hovering over the surface of the bar, chin pressed against his arm. A wave of nausea swept across him, attempting to blink through the sleepiness he was feeling.

“What..what did you..?” His mouth spoke into his shirtsleeve, catching one of Jason’s hands resting by his arm.

The male leaned in closer, mouth by his ear so near he could feel the heat of his breath making Bucky’s skin crawl, hand pressed to the small of his back, “You tend to get a little jumpy when I’m around, I decided to bring something this time to help calm you down.”

With as much energy as Bucky could muster at that second, he slapped a hand down on Jason’s and stabbed him as hard as he possibly could with the sharp sliver of wood, vision blurry but hitting where he was aiming for, the thin tender webbing of skin between thumb and index finger, shoving his heel as hard as he could at the dull top of the toothpick driving it in. He knew it wasn’t going to stop anything but all he needed was the _distraction_. 

Instinctively Jason yanked his hand away in surprise, grabbing his wrist with a loud yell as he looked at his hand and stepped out of his stool stumbling backwards into another patron that had a little heft to him and a drink in hand, spilling it all over himself. A minor chain reaction happened when the other man’s elbow flew back in an attempt to save that spilled drink, knocking a beer out of another man’s hand sending it crashing to the floor and exploding into a mess of glass, beer and froth hitting pants and also the shoes of a trio of girls standing by hoping to get served soon.

The whole episode caused arguments to erupt, the hefty man that was first hit grabbing Jason by the arm and throwing him into the circle of it while he was trying to pull out the toothpick and argue back in defense. 

It was all Bucky needed, the noise of people. He tried to reach for the closest bartender but there were so many customers keeping them busy, hand dragging across to surface so painfully slow he couldn’t entirely understand what was going on inside of him. Breaking out and trying to run for it was his best bet, legs like jelly when he put his feet down on the ground and slid off, the corner of his eye trying to watch Jason as he was attempting to appease the five patrons complaining about alcohol and their clothes. 

Bucky could feel his pulse racing, panting laboriously out of his mouth as he tried to take a step with an arm anchored at the bar only to flounder into a petite girl dancing along to the loud music skirted in beside him in search of a bartender. She turned her head to say something to him in quick retort before turning back and with some sheer will of God she took a double take.

“Hey, you okay?”

Bucky fought hard, fought with everything he had to shake his head, “No, no..I..drink..he drugged..” 

His arm shoved away the glass, drinking splashing against the bartop watching her eyes dart to it and a hand pressed to his face, “It’s..shit hold on my friend is holding my phone, shit.”

A shrill sound escaped Bucky, legs shaking as they wanted to buckle under him, body wanting to rest, heavy lidded eyes asking to close but he refused. He couldn’t, his free hand grasping at her arm for dear life. Panic swept over him, time counting down until Jason would come back and maybe convince this girl it was okay. That he was tired, he knew about Tony, for all he knew he could make up something to make her believe Bucky was safe in his hands.

“Someone call an ambulance!”

It was the moment Steve’s blood ran cold, searching the dance floor and approaching the closest of the three bars to start showing the bartenders Bucky’s photo, telling Johnny to try the one closer to the other side of him. It was then he heard a girl nearby swarmed by too many people looking for booze and say words he was afraid of picking up while Bucky was missing. His pulse raged in his ears, pushing through person after person until he finally caught sight of Bucky leaning at a bar stool.

“Buck!”

The girl was scrappy, stepping in and pushing him away with intent that she wasn’t kidding around even with her small frame, it reminded him a little bit of himself and he felt something in him feel better that someone was there trying to help Bucky and protect him.

“It’s okay, I’ve been looking for him.”

She didn’t seem to believe him, or possibly she didn’t care until Bucky turned to look at him and immediately Steve could see what was off about him.

“Steve..?”

Steve was sure Bucky hadn't been gone that long as to be that drunk already, his face covered in a soft warmth of red and his eyes looking tired, panting like he was out of breath.

The girl eased up when she saw Bucky trying to move for him, mouth pressed thin, “I think someone laced his drink. There's an ambulance coming.”

Steve gave her a grateful smile, “Thank you."

Bucky attempted to step forward, almost collapsing to the floor only stopped by Steve’s hands instinctively grabbing a hold of him before he could, clutching him tight to his chest.

“Steve..something’s wrong..”

“You're fucking right something’s wrong. An ambulance is coming.”

“Steve..”

“Is he alright?”

Steve turned his head to the voice, one of the bartenders looking at Bucky in concern. “No. Call the police. Who was he talking to, do you know? You have any idea what happened?”

“Steve,” He turned his head to Bucky, shaky finger pointing Jason out still trying to diffuse the situation over loud music and louder yelling from girls repeatedly pointing at their shoes. Steve turned back when a soft panicked whine slipped from Bucky, curling tighter into his side, “Home. Wanna..go home.”

Solutions popped in to Steve’s mind, all violent and angry but he kept himself from doing anything with Bucky still in harm’s way, “Buck, no. I need to take you to the hospital. They need to check if you out, your heartbeat’s going way too fast and you’re breathing like you ran a marathon. I promise I’ll take you home after, alright?"

Bucky's eyes drooped more, his head bowing forward helplessly. His fingers barely managed to keep a hold on the fabric of Steve’s shirt, a soft sound of distress escaping from him. 

Steve kept Bucky steady with his free arm tucked securely around his waist, pressing the brunette against his own body to keep him firmly there. Johnny arrived and his eyes went from lit up to confusion, face dropping dramatically and laced in surprise. 

Steve knew anytime now they might lose Jason and this motherfucker was going to get arrested for this if he had a say in the matter. Steve hesitated though, holding Bucky close to him protectively trying to decide what would be better and as much as he wanted to be with Bucky all the way he wanted to stick around and try to keep the piece of shit from running. He leaned in gently, cupping Bucky’s cheek, grey eyes staring back barely able to focus on him. 

“Hey, Buck, it’s Steve okay? Johnny’s here too, he’s going to stay with you at the hospital until I come back okay?”

“I can’t feel anything Stevie..” Bucky slurred out, raising his head like it was the hardest thing to do, “Jo?”

“I’m here Sweets.” He took Bucky’s hand, giving it a light squeeze and Steve could see the way trembling fingers reached for Storm the second the casual nickname came out of his mouth.

Against all his feelings, he grasped one of Johnny’s arms, silently passing Bucky off to him and locking eyes, “Stay with him, don’t leave him alone, not for the bathroom or even if you’re asked to..I’m trusting you Storm.”

Jo drew back slightly, nodding with a careful look across his features, “He doesn’t like being left alone, unprotected. I know him too.”

Johnny led Bucky out carefully towards the front doors, the spunky girl that helped Bucky initially following along at his other side and Steve watched them, glad she was still staying to help with information. His mind returned back to the ideas swirling in his head, the what if’s that would have been after all this and if Johnny wasn’t there to get him in, and if whatever happened to cause the ruckus Jason was stuck in didn’t happen would he have even found Bucky fast enough?

Someone moved in beside him, arms on the bar, waving absently to the bartender, “Hey guy, where’s the brunette that I was talking to?”

Steve’s head snapped up and something in him broke. That concerned worried weight fizzled, plans of a citizen’s arrest and keeping him there for the authorities devolved and everything exploded into insane blind anger. He saw nothing except his target as he turned, his mind vaguely recognizing Jason’s face from the last time he saw him at Nick’s. 

He watched the guy absently wrap a napkin around his hand as he looked at the bartender with a kind smile and a casual welcoming face that only infuriated Steve in the split second thoughts that someone like that was responsible. And like that it was that simple for him, that primal and easy. Common sense was gone so freely and white hot fury stepped into its place.

He swung his fist with a turn of his upper torso smashing into jawbone and teeth, a gargled surprise filled his ears before nothing but ambient white noise replaced his hearing, frozen fearful horror was stuck on the faces around him and he was on the floor on top of this waste of space. Steve barely registered his knee hitting groin, crushing down with his weight and no one could say Rogers didn’t fight dirty. It was all from when he was little and scrappy, old habits refusing to truly die hard if they were effective against your opponent. 

His hand pressed down against Jason’s adam’s apple, fist flying in repeated punches to his face. He could feel bone and tissue giving in to him so easily, skin tearing around his knuckles and he didn’t feel a damn thing but the wet slick sensation of blood coating his hands. It was _so effortless_ and right then Steve didn’t care how simple it was to kill a man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs if you listen as you read along to parts: (I tend to sometimes when I read fics with suggested songs)  
> Need You Tonight - INXS  
> Tearing Me Up - Bob Moses
> 
> Prost - Fool


	27. I just screwed it all up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New Years Eve was never supposed to be like this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I lumped the picture for this chap with 26 so you'll have to go back a chap to put it all together. XD
> 
> Warnings:  
> \- Smut; Stony and Winterstorm.  
> \- George Barnes, honestly I have to put a warning up for either of Bucky's parents, please refrain from handling things easily thrown in frustration. lol

**Late December, 2015/New Years 2016**  
  


“He’s alright though?” Natasha’s voice filtered in, calm but laced with anxiety.

Bucky blinked a few times, his vision was so blurry and those lights were so damn bright did they want him to be blind? He tried to blink a few more times, feeling heavy and cumbersome when he tried to move a hand. 

“Yes, he’s fine. Since he takes Diazepam for anxiety we would like to keep him here to rest until maybe about noon just to be sure there’s no ill effects but after that he should be good to go home.”

Bucky managed to look over at Natasha listening to the doctor, her arms folded tight over her chest still dressed in what looked like soft emerald green pajamas and a long black coat over it. Her face was calm and open for information but he could see even with his bogged down mind that there was so much rage behind her green eyes. 

A hand softly grazed his forehead and Bucky was confused for a second, slowly turning around to see Clint peering at him and a different hand holding his with no plan to let go, Steve’s, beside Clint, a slight movement pointed out Johnny in the back leaning against the wall.

The window curtains were partially shut, a sliver of black telling him it was still night, maybe early morning he wasn’t entirely sure, the soft conversation stopped, the doctor turning to lean at the side of the hospital bed. He pulled out a pen light from his pocket, passing it over Bucky’s eyes, “Mr. Barnes. Good you’re awake. How are you feeling?”

Bucky winced, pulling his head back into the pillow away from the obtrusive light, “Like shit.”

“Well, that’s to be expected but you’re aware which is a good sign and you’re responsive.”

“I feel like I’m stuck in quicksand and hit by a car, what happened?” His voice felt thick and gravely.

Bucky immediately felt Steve’s hand squeeze his and it was then that he noticed his were wrapped up in soft bandaging only causing him more confusion. Clint continued to pet his hair which felt nice and distracted him to the feeling of everything becoming slow and tedious. 

Natasha took his free hand, cupping it between hers, “Steve said that worm you rejected at the bar that one time drugged your drink at the club you went to. You were going to meet him to talk? Steve was actually working it out with Johnny and they went to look for you, good thing he showed up when he did- ”

Clint snorted, “Yeah and beat the ever loving shit out of him!”

Natasha flashed Clint a glare, the blond immediately looking towards the doctor who raised a brow, “I mean he _would_ have beat the ever loving shit out of him.”

The doctor nodded, humming softly while he looked over Bucky’s chart, “Oh yes, the gentleman that was brought in unconscious and barely breathing because his nose was, well a lot of his facial bone structure was caved in.”

Steve stared at the floor, his face turning red as his hands balled under the strain of his bandages.

“Don’t listen to Clint’s rambling, he fantasizes a lot. The poor guy fell down on the sidewalk a few times before he was arrested. There’s officers and witnesses that backed that up already.”

“A few _hundred_ sidewalks.” The practitioner corrected with an unamused look but otherwise not chastising the conversation.

Steve's eyes swept across the white floor, he had gone numb and kept hitting the guy. He barely registered arms pulling him off, all faceless security guards trying to pry him away and it took six of them to keep him back. He was angry and shaking, the sirens barely registered anything to him, someone standing to his side like a guard when one of the paramedics came to look him over. Steve only let them do as they pleased, guiding him onto a chair and passing a light over his vacant eyes. He only kept himself pliant for their examination, already feeling dead inside. Jason was barely responding on the floor. He didn't care.

Natasha’s fingers pet Bucky’s hand softly, her mouth a serious red line of faded dark lipstick looking so very dangerous. He could see she was furious at herself maybe, at the world too he was sure of that. He listened to some soft talking, but his eyes were feeling so heavy, enjoying the feel of his hair being stroked. 

His doctor cleared his throat, “Well, I will give you all few minutes but I think it’s easier for Mr. Barnes to rest and collect himself with only one visitor here with him if you could all be so kind.”

Clint groaned, “Even with his room being private?”

“Yes, he needs his rest like all our other patients. You all have a good morning.”

Bucky listened to footsteps and soft murmured goodbyes, then the door closing, a soft groan escaping him, “I really feel like shit.”

Johnny pulled himself off the wall behind Clint, walking over and Bucky slipped his hand away temporarily from Steve’s, taking the one held out for him, Storm planting a kiss to his fingertips, “I’m glad you’re okay Sweets, kinda freaked me out there. I'm gonna get going let you guys say your goodbyes, give me a shout later okay?” 

Staring up at him, Bucky gave him a tired smile, squeezing his hand gently, “Okay Jo. Be good.”

He snorted, “Me? Never.” 

There was something in Johnny’s eyes Bucky had never seen before, something wrong and not at all in character with him, like a fear and worry he was trying so badly to hide. Bucky wanted to sit up and pull him in, instead he only squeezed his hand harder before they let go.

They watched him leave before Natasha leaned over, softly planting a kiss on Bucky’s forehead watching the soured face he made over the look of the hospital room, “I’m sorry Kotyonok. Only for less than a day then we can take you home, alright?” 

A small annoyed huff escaped from Bucky, his fingers tightening around Steve’s hand, nodding to the redhead. Clint glanced at Natasha, the both of them not missing the fact that most of the time aside from the conversation about the guy, Steve was fixated on Bucky and only Bucky knowing there was going to be a toss up if they wanted to fight about who was staying and who was going. Luckily though, work was on the agenda, Natasha not wanting to leave Bucky alone and they had yet to tell Brock which they had all decided was probably better when Bucky was back home and staffers were not going to receive ire from a protective and angry Rumlow. 

Natasha herself had been angry when she found out, pacing and upset, the ideas of Bucky being attacked and no one finding out flashing through her mind. She knew how much he drank, knew sometimes it wasn’t Johnny he was with and there was no way to know when that was or if that was happening. He was an adult and they left him to his own devices but the _idea_ that someone couldn’t accept no for an answer and crossing that line. She wasn’t sure she wanted him doing what he did anymore, not that she had a choice but he was already battling his own demons, he didn’t need another one and one so terrifying as that. Bucky looked fine, she wasn’t sure he would actually be fine over what had transpired when he was over the shock though. 

Bucky sensed enough, squeezing her fingers as he forced a smile across his face trying to be positive for her sake, “He didn’t lay a finger on me right since Steve got there, Tasha. I’m okay, really. Mainly, I’m..from what I remember, mad at myself for being distracted. If I wasn’t distracted I woulda- ”

“It wasn’t your fault James.”

He was insistent, shaking his head, “I kept looking away, I know the drinks procedure and I still fucked up. If I only- ”

Steve raised his head, shoulders tensing up as he went to stand on his feet, “Hey, wait a minute now..”

Natasha raised her hand to calm him down, Steve settled back in his chair as she gestured she had it under control.

“It _wasn’t_ your fault,” She re-addressed, this time louder and sharper. “James listen to me, he targeted you specifically. He stalked you for what, not counting the time away in Germany, at least a month and then when you were driving it home this was finished and done for he slips you a roofie. None of that is your fault, okay? You were very clear about how you felt.”

“You were nicer than a lot of people would have been Barnesy.” Clint reminded, “It’s what you do. You try because you don’t wanna get someone in trouble unless they force your hand. It’s the good stuff in you, doesn’t mean you’re to blame. It means people out there are fucked up, you can’t dwell on it any other way.” 

Letting his eyes close, Bucky only nodded and pulled his thin blanket higher up his chest. Everyone else exchanged looks with each other before Natasha thumbed at the door.

“Clint, we should get going and let James rest.”

The blond nodded, smiling casually as Bucky opened his eyes again, darting around the room with mild panic, “Are you all leaving?”

Nat squeezed his hand, shaking her head, “No, Steve is staying, is that okay?”

The intensity left Bucky’s face, slowly nodding as he looked up at him, “If he wants to.”

“Of course I do, Buck. I promised.” Steve blurted out quickly, patting his free hand over the hand he was holding with Bucky. A pang of recognition had swam over him, knowing he felt like he shouldn’t remember that though for some reason he did. His eyes shifted when Clint lightly gave his cheek a pinch, pressing a big sloppy purposefully wet kiss on his forehead next to light lipstick marks, “Feel better Dumbass.”

Bucky could only roll his eyes, giving him a faint smile before Clint pulled car keys out of his sweatpants pocket, flipping them around in his hand. 

Natasha gave Bucky another kiss on his forehead and a purposefully tight hug, “You need anything, call me alright?”

“I’ll be fine Nat. I promise.”

“I know, I’ll see you later today.”

He nodded, letting her hand go as she headed towards the door, Steve getting to his feet.

“I’m gonna ask Nat something, then I’ll be back. Okay?”

Nodding to him, Bucky leaned his head back against the pillows, fingers gripping tightly to the covers as he tried to rest again.

The two of them exited the room, Steve closing the door behind him while Natasha was a few steps ahead of him.

“You think he’s gonna be okay?”

Natasha paused, turning to gaze at him, studying him in the way she always did before she nodded to him, “Yes, I’m sure he will. It’ll sink in and he'll feel helpless but in the end he’ll be James again. He just needs time.”

He nodded to her, trying to make sense of everything, “And really, I can’t say it enough Natasha. Thank you again for bailing me out and getting me over here, I know it was bad enough hearing about Bucky and then- ”

She cut him off with a absent gesture of her hand, “While I don’t mind hearing you beat a man practically within an inch of his life for James, I mainly got you out for his sake. I know he’d want to see you when he woke up from a lot of the effects and I didn’t want him further stressed finding out you were being held for assault.”

Agreeing with her, hands slipped into his pockets, “And I’ll pay you back, every cent.”

“I know Steve, take your time. I’m not worried about that.”

Green eyes stared at him and Steve felt a dry itchy sensation prickle just underneath his skin, nervousness cast over him forcing his arms to fold over his chest.

“What?”

“James wasn’t exaggerating when he said he watches his drinks. He was distracted..”

Natasha watched Steve’s entire posture collapse into himself with one drop of his shoulders turning in and his head looking to the ground ignoring possibly the pain flaring as he pushed fists into the sides of his biceps and shrank back.

“I think this was my fault. He wouldn’t tell me this was happening, he asked me to come with him but instead I was stubborn about staying in, maybe jealous too, I don’t know. I let him go by himself until I realized I was being an asshole. I could have done something more, if Johnny wasn’t there he could have taken Bucky through a side exit and I would have never known while waiting in that line. I- I wish I did something _more_.” 

Stepping forward, Natasha folded her arms loosely over her chest, peering up as she shook her head, “He doesn’t need this Steve. You shouldn’t wallow in self pity that you didn’t do _enough_ , you need to be strong. If he’s turning to you, I know it’s not your responsibility to but help him if that’s what you really want to do for him.” 

Blinking back tears, Steve inhaled deeply through his nose, “I don’t know what I could give him that all of you don’t already give him.”

“What you give him is your love, it’s what he’s always needed. Now, I’m going home even though I don’t want to. If you can’t stay here, just call me. I can be here in a few minutes.” 

Nodding to her, Steve watched her leave before he stepped back into the room returning to his seat again, folding his hands against the edge of the bed only watching Bucky rest with closed eyes as he sorted all the events around in his head.

The silence was deafening, Bucky aware when Steve had come back his eyes opening and fighting to keep them open and watch him with his head bowed away obviously distracted. Clearing his throat, he waited until Steve seemed to come back to reality before he spoke up, “Thanks Steve. I don’t know what- ”

Steve shook his head not letting go of Bucky’s hand, “Stop, don’t say anything about that. I was there, you’re safe and that’s all that matters okay? Remember last time? You told me the same thing.”

Bucky couldn’t help but stare at the bandages wrapped around his fingers, spots of blood seeped through at his knuckles, “I saw him before.” 

Steve nodded, “Yeah Johnny filled me in of all the times you did.”

“At the club, he was trying to pick me up again. I pretty much told him to get lost, then I saw him at a coffee shop the night of my date but Johnny was with me, it was why he walked me home.”

Steve looked so unhappy, pulling himself up to stand again, “Why didn’t you tell me? I would have convinced you to get a restraining order against him.”

Bucky shook his head slowly, his thumb gently stroking Steve’s skin, “I was with Brock, Jack and Loki at the club. Jo was there too with some friends of his. He didn’t seem to come around til I was alone and usually I wasn’t. The drunker I got the closer to my friends I stayed, I wasn’t too worried about it. Didn’t think I would see him again honestly. You really beat him up?”

Steve stopped pacing, staring at him for a long moment, “Of course I did. People like that should be beaten up. He was going to..Buck who knows what he was going to do.”

Bucky rolled his eyes, “We all know what he was going to do. Calling me pretty wasn’t enough to get you to figure that out Steve? I’m legal and look like jailbait, it’s pretty obvious.”

The blond stared at him, pursing him lips tightly for a second assessing Bucky’s nonchalant attitude not sure what to make of it. 

“Are you okay?”

A sigh escaped the brunette, nodding as he slowly turned to face his back to Steve, “Will you just lay down with me Rogers?”

“Of course..” Steve kicked off his shoes and climbed in, feeling strange all of a sudden. That odd sensation that something was wrong prickled at him, his hand softly stroking Bucky’s arm letting his voice lower, pulling Bucky’s body against his chest. “Hey, I’m here for you Buck, alright? I’ll always be here for you.”

Bucky tilted his head, craning his neck to give Steve a smile before settling in to sleep and he gave one back but he couldn’t shake the feeling off. 

His smile immediately falling when out of Steve’s sight, Bucky stared at the off colored walls, pressing impossibly close to the blond, his face burning a light shade of red.

“Get some rest Buck, I’ll be here.”

Bucky nodded in response, silent tears rolling down his cheeks.

Slowly a hand pet his side, body tensing and an instinct to startle away kicked in except..he didn’t. He felt Steve take that as something good, shifting in to press his body closer, tighter and move his arm to tuck it in, resting a hand against Bucky’s chest to feel out his heartbeat. 

Shaky fingers lifted up, delicately dancing along the bandages wrapped around Steve’s bruised knuckles tracing them cautiously and Steve pressed his nose against the nape of Bucky’s neck.

“I promised you.” He breathed out against Bucky’s skin answering the question the brunette didn’t need to ask.

Steve ignored the ache his hand gave off, curling around fingers that couldn’t stop trembling

*****

His clothes sat in a large clear hospital bag with his name written across it, another small overnight bag beside it, Bucky choosing the latter and moving to the bathroom. Steve only watched in silence, waiting the few minutes out and standing up when Bucky was changed, scrubbing a hand through his hair absently.

“I can take you to the police station right now if you want, Natasha managed to steer them clear but I think they would rather get your side as soon as possible and- ”

“ -I’m not going to the police station.” Bucky walked around the bed, spying his shoes tucked under one of the chairs.

Immediately Steve snapped his mouth shut, screwing his face up in confusion, “What are you talking about? Don’t you- ”

Grey eyes glared at him, “I’m not going. I don’t have to and I won’t. They don’t need me to report anything, they have the medical reports, they have witness statements. I don’t have to be there, I choose not to.”

“But- ”

Bucky turned away, pulling his hoodie on over his head while he slipped his feet into his sneakers, “I don’t wanna talk about it.”

“Bucky you can’t just leave it like this.”

Shouldering his backpack on, Bucky only gave him a helpless nonchalant expression of indifference, “I just did.” 

He turned to pick up the clear bag and stuff it into the other bag, heading for the door.

“Hey, Bucky.. _hey_!” Steve lurched forward and grabbed at his arm and Bucky turned, struggling to free his arm and Steve let him go but not before pressing a palm against the door to keep it closed. “Wait a second here, you’re not going to do _anything_?”

Not taking his hand off the handle, Bucky stopped his attempts at opening it, staring at him eye to eye, “No. Nothing. I just want everything back to normal.”

Steve didn’t understand; a fire lit inside of him that he tried to keep low but someone had tried to hurt Bucky, a spurring need for swift justice and make everything right again driving into the one wall he never expected to crop up, the one Bucky had made.

“You can have everything normal Buck, but this guy, you could impact how long he gets put away for. Isn’t that something you would want?”

Bucky took a small breath and shook his head, “No, I don’t care.” He turned back around to get the door, pulling it open just a sliver before Steve harshly pushed it back closed.

“Buck listen- ”

Bucky turned shoving both hands into his chest and away from the door, startling Steve back from the sheer force behind it.

“No! You _listen_. I don’t want to go in there, I don’t wanna relive any of that..I can’t even _remember_ most of it!” His eyes immediately rimmed red, tears welling up as he struggled to swallow down the hot rush of anger he was trying to keep at bay as he shook his head in frustration, “I don’t- ”

He sucked in a shaky breath, tilting his head upwards to the ceiling trying to will it all away and Steve carefully stepped forward, “Bucky.”

Glassy pale eyes moved to look at the blond, tears spilling down his face, “Don’t make me do anything I don’t want to do, _please_.” 

Eyes became blurry temporarily as Steve blinked back his own tears, feeling himself nodding in response, arms opening gently, carefully in invitation, “Okay, sure. Okay. Whatever you want, I’m sorry.”

Hiccuping back a lungful of air, Bucky stepped in, almost stumbling into awaiting arms and hiding himself in, Steve wrapping tight around him and Bucky felt himself relax, tucking his head under his chin in his habitual attempt at making himself tiny like he did when he was upset.

They lingered together in the silence, occasional sniffles hitting the air before it fell to nothing again, Steve’s palm brushing against Bucky’s back softly.

“Can I at least take you home?”

Not sure if he could get time left alone, knowing everyone wanting to coddle him, Bucky shrugged listlessly, “I don’t wanna go to Nat’s..”

Pressing his lips together in thought, Steve nodded against him, “You’re always welcome to come home with me, if you want to that is.”

Bucky looked away, unable to cope with the amount of shame and embarrassment he felt over the whole thing. He drew in a breath, feeling himself curl tighter into himself folding his arms in between their chests, choosing not to speak.

“I’ll take you wherever you like, just tell me the place..”

He glared at nothing in particular, distracting himself in his head. His hands twisted just slight, gripping onto the Steve’s shirt tugging lightly as he fought the urge to bury himself within himself. He was so tired, he felt so drained. There had always been something about Steve, something _good_ that Bucky had always seen in him, at least towards him. He dropped his head forward, pressing against his shoulder, releasing a labored sigh. He wasn’t sure what to do, Steve hugging him protectively and only waited, Bucky realizing he had been holding onto his breath as he was hiding in his arms. He felt his eyes close, his hands slipping from the shirt, they sat hovering for a moment unsure of what to do exactly. 

Steve always did though, hand still soothing him along his back, the other buried into deep brown hair. He turned his head in, burying his face into Bucky’s hair, nuzzling strands. 

“It’s okay Buck.”

Bucky closed his eyes, a warmth coiling around him. His fingers twitched, arms shifting closer around Steve’s torso until he finally wrapped them around the male answering him silently.

*****

Everything only unraveled on the cab ride home, Bucky seemed to withdraw himself and placate at the corner of the backseat in silence. His movements were automatic and Steve tried not to let it get to him, trying to work it out that it would get like this and hopefully not worse. It was on the elevator that Bucky chose to make some contact with him again, the both of them staring at the doors as a hand slipped up and around his bicep, squeezing softly and he looked over to Bucky, head hung low without saying words. Instead he only curled into him purposefully and Steve wordlessly put his arm around him to shuffle him to the apartment.

Locking the door behind him, Bucky kept his hand where it was at and Steve couldn’t imagine how he was feeling. That was okay, he wasn’t going to pry he just wasn’t sure how to lead without messing up. Bucky was something he wasn’t entirely in tune with, the chance of losing him to an outburst was lingering almost like a festering wound and all he wanted was to heal him though he knew from a psychological standpoint a bandaid wasn’t going to cut it. 

Bucky was also not to be treated so delicately that he may feel like he was being treated like a child, it was the last thing he wanted when Bucky himself was the one that pointed it out to him. He just wanted to do what was right for Bucky to feel safe. He didn’t need something else to backfire on him.

Generally he was okay with mending, he could establish a strategy and figure out something, or just lean in headfirst and work towards his impulse control which was most of the time but as much as Bucky seemed to be putting a trust in his hands he felt was under qualified to handle, if he fucked up he wasn’t sure the consequences were salvageable.

He decided baby steps were in order, small little tiny..baby steps.

Steve steered Bucky gingerly towards the hallway, “You probably want a bath, I can set that up for you and then maybe you should take a nap or settle in with a book. Unless you’re hungry, are you hungry?”

Bucky didn’t look at him, face pensive as he was roaming through his head, something Steve definitely disliked but didn’t comment; soon enough the brunette shook his head and sat down on the covered toilet seat and Steve ran the water. They played a staring game with each other until the bath was full of steaming warm water and soft delicate bubbles, a soft bluish purple colored froth layered the surface with a calming scent of lavender filling the space. 

“Well, there you go. Take your time huh?” 

Steve got a careful nod in return and he left Bucky to do as he pleased, closing the door behind him but lingering a few steps away like last time, waiting for the rustle of clothing before timid toes dipped into water and then he was entirely slipping his body into it. Steve checked his watch, remembering if it had anything to do with last time, he was going to make sure Bucky didn’t freeze again, his mind running through the obvious reasons of washing himself clean leaving a small window of concern at the back of his mind.

He was in the living room when he raised his head to the sound of the bathroom door opening again, rapidly getting back up to his feet anxiously trying not to mother hen but also too wound up to sit still.

“Buck?”

Bucky peeked out, dressed like he didn’t have effort to button up his sleep shirt all the way and pants sitting at his hips in an angle. Steve’s heart hurt, timidly approaching as he gestured with hand for him to turn around and go back into the hallway. The brunette picked up immediately, returning down the hall and entering the bedroom. 

Keys jingled against Bucky’s chest as he climbed under the covers, Steve pulling a second blanket off the chair to lay it over the first one before he sat himself down at the side patting the form, “You okay like this? Are you hungry?”

He realized he may not get answers, Bucky already hiding most of himself under the covers and he got it, _gets it_ and he wouldn’t push, lightly patting the spot where his hip probably was so he could leave him in peace and get some work done. He rose to his feet only to have a hand snatch up to his and when he turned Bucky wasn’t looking his way, he only pulled and Steve turned back about for him, climbing in and under the blankets curling around him, keeping him warm and close. It was only then that he saw Bucky close his eyes finally and Steve followed him rested his face into hair smelling of bath oils and lavender.

*****

Steve wasn’t paying much attention to anything, morning turning into late afternoon by the way grey clouds were collecting and a light drizzle of rain started mixing with wet flakes of snow. Bucky was asleep, deeply; mouth partially open and a small corner of his pillow was collecting a dribble of drool. Steve was glad to honestly see him that way knowing he probably needed it, watching him quietly.

The feelings he held for him scared him, they were so deep and the power settled in it was almost painful in a way. He wasn’t entirely sure how to deal with it because he wasn’t sure he had felt like this before..which only led to the panicking thought of being wrong all this time and his mind was readily blocking the concept of him making an oversight. He could only assume he was only second guessing because he was upset, there could be no way he was making a huge mistake in his life like this..

Steve finally turned to see his phone lit up and flashing on silent and he picked it up with minimal disturbance to the prone figure beside him. Two missed calls changed to three, one from a number he didn’t recognize but assumed it was probably someone from the police and two from Tony, quickly slipping out of bed and padding to the living room with a shake of his head completely forgetting about even calling after all the mess last night. 

He went into his bathroom to redress his knuckles with ointment and bandaging each cut individually. His phone went off again on his way to the kitchen to get an ice pack, answering and cradling it to his ear with his shoulder as he applied the ice to his bruises.

“Hey Tony, sorry. Something came up and I turned my phone off, I’m sorry- ”

“You know, I’ve been sitting in my car for almost fifteen minutes. You told me to come by and now you aren’t even answering your phone.” 

_Shit._ He hadn’t remembered to tell Tony to drop in for the paintings and right now was not the best time to start an argument.

“I, um, I’m coming down. Hold on.”

“Steve? What?”

He ignored the protests, turning around to toss the pack back in the freezer then headed for his shoes, pulling on his peacoat and quickly looking into his room again before taking his keys and heading down to the lobby doors. Stepping off the elevator he could already see Tony pacing back and forth outside, face looking bewildered and only more exasperated when he saw him, tossing arms up in the air in frustration outside.

Steve stepped past lobby doors and stood in the cold with him, shuffling hands into his pockets and getting a death glare from his boyfriend.

“What the hell is going on that you can’t invite me up to your place instead of freezing our asses off outside and don’t think I missed bandaged knuckles Steve. What did you do?”

Steve shook his shoulders a bit to ignore the cold, “Because it’s easier to talk here, something happened last night Tony and Bucky’s up there.”

Tony was immediately on guard and staring at the blond, assuming the worse and Steve shook his head, pulling his hands out to rest them on Tony’s shoulders, softly squeezing with a shake of his head, “Nothing like you might think okay? Someone tried hurting him and he’s resting. I turned my phone off last night at the hospital and didn’t notice I did it, I’m sorry I’ve just been so focused on making sure he’s okay.” 

Narrowing his eyes, Tony didn’t exactly understand, “So what? He got into a bar fight or something? I don’t think you need to tend to him every time he gets into a fight or argument. You don’t need to save him, listen I get that you’re that kinda guy and you wanna do that for him but- ”

All Steve could do was shake his head harder for a moment, hands squeezing at shoulders reflexively again and jarring him just a little bit, “No Tony no. Listen, someone tried to attack him, he’s not..settled. I think he’s a little shaken up about what happened, he’s not himself right now.” 

Mimicking the gesture, Tony looked up at him, frowning and trying his best not to be argumentative or frustrated at the vague information. 

“What do you mean attack him, what are you are talking about Steve?”

Steve drew in a low breath, closing his eyes before he opened them again, “This, weird creepy guy. Bucky got roofied when he was trying to meet up with the guy to tell him to back off. He was messing with Johnny Storm and Bucky wanted to tell him straight out to leave him and his friends alone. I don’t know what happened when they met, I wasn’t there and when I did get there he could barely make heads or tails of anything. Someone called an ambulance..” He held up his bruised fist, “..And I don’t know if I’m going to need a lawyer.”

Staring at him in bewilderment, acknowledging the hand but not exactly soaking in what he was being told, Tony blinked at the mention of a lawyer, “A what? Why do you need a lawyer?”

“I beat the guy up Tony,” Steve laughed a little at himself, at the realization that it was an understatement, holding out bandaged hands still in shock of how much control he lost, “He was intentionally going to hurt him and the second I found out who it was and that I had an opening I jumped him. I just lost it. He’s in the hospital and from what the doctor said, he’s definitely going to need surgery.”

Tony stared at him, brown eyes wide and studying him like they were trying to find something in them, “Steve..”

He nodded to Stark, “I know, I shouldn’t have done it. I know it was wrong but- ”

Tony immediately shook his head to stop his ramble, grabbing Steve’s jacket with a harsh quick jerk he pulled him in for an abrupt hurried kiss. Steve’s hands fanned out in surprise before he automatically brought them to Tony’s shoulders, balancing himself out and kissing him back. 

They both drew back, warm and restless, panting in the cold air and fogging it up between them, “What..what was that for?”

Tony could only smile at him, crazy and wild, cupping Steve’s face affectionately, “I don’t..I don’t really know. Barnes, not the best guy but _that_. I should make some way people can detect it at no cost..”

Steve watched him stare off, the wheels in his boyfriend’s head turning because he knew Tony all too well trying to shape and make sense of ideas racing around that brilliant mind of his before he turned to look at him again.

“If you need a lawyer, you call me right away. I’ll get you the best damn lawyer I can get my hands on,” A part of Tony was proud but there was another layer just beneath it bubbling up questions of why Barnes couldn’t be with others, why did he stay here, what was happening and he knew his jealousy was trying to come out full of insecurity and frustration. The only reason it didn’t was because of Steve staring at him and wearing that face he always did when he saw someone being picked on and treated badly, that look of determination that had him stepping in and stopping the problem before thinking of the outcome because all he wanted to do was _help_. Paired with what would or could have happened if his boyfriend wasn’t there to intervene, he couldn’t blame Steve for the way things played out.

“I’m sorry Tony, for turning off my phone. I didn’t really think about it, he won’t even talk. Natasha’s stopping by soon, she might take him home to her place I just want him to feel safe, that’s how everyone should feel.”

Tony quickly nodded, patting Steve’s chest lightly, forcing himself to be okay, “Okay, I’m freezing my ass off out here though. Just..don’t forget, Wednesday?”

“Date night, yes definitely. I remember, I’ll be there with bells on.”

Tony turned heading back to the town car still waiting at the curb waving a hand over his shoulder, “I hope only bells. Love you.”

Steve smiled, the stress set in his shoulders fading off, “Love you too.”

*****

Returning back to the apartment, Steve snuck in and checked on Bucky, still passed out and he made an executive decision to order Chinese after calling back the number that did turn out to be a detective’s line and requesting he drop in to make a formal statement. The food arrived at about the same time as Natasha, Steve turning his head to the sound of Bucky going into the bathroom as he placed the food on the table.

“Are you hungry? Wanna stay for dinner?”

Natasha shook her head, peering down the hall then back to him, “No I’m good, thank you. How is he?” 

Shrugging, Steve pulled out a few containers, “He’s been sleeping. He took a bath when we got in but the rest of the time he’s spent it resting. Tony stopped by, I forgot to call him so there was that.” 

Her phone went off and she checked it, Steve glancing to see her ignore a call from Brock before his eyes returned back to the food and she turned to him, “Oh? How was that?” 

“Decent actually. He started up but I explained it to him and he was kind of..happy I stepped in? I don’t know, you have an idea of how Tony is. He doesn’t much like Bucky but he’s always going to cheer for bad guys getting their karma kicked in and all that.” 

There was a small noise that Natasha tended to make to acknowledge she was listening but not saying much else. Steve wasn’t sure what to make of it but instead he gestured to the phone, rubbing his neck absently, “He mad?”

She looked down at her phone, thinking a moment as she shrugged lightly and shook her head, “He’s upset. He’s blaming everyone and everything for it. He changed things to help Bucky a while ago, he just started getting his life together, well aside from his vices, where he wasn’t constantly worrying about him and something like this happened. He’s not in a good place which is expected, it’s just hard. I love him but- ”

Steve raised his brows, “ -But he’s turning on you guys because Bucky’s been with you and Clint mostly?” 

“Yeah, something like that. He doesn’t blame us entirely, he’s just upset and angry but his idea of protecting Bucky wouldn’t help unless he doesn’t mind living in a perfect bubble.”

Chuckling, Steve didn’t feel like throwing in his two cents knowing it was a delicate matter and one that he had no part in because he didn’t know everything about it. He was more distracted by the overnight bag she set on the chair. He picked up a small palm sized bottle attached to a plastic four ring set with three other bottles that looked like one of those weight loss meal replacement things he always saw at the stores when he was buying his powders, “What are these for?”

“Oh, make sure he takes one of those a day, he may forget. It’s just a nutritional supplement drink Dr. Potts suggested he take for the next week after what happened and right now it may be easier for him to take than what he usually eats, when he remembers to eat.” She shook her head to herself, gesturing to the bag, “I packed his bear robe, he’s oddly clingy to it, so make sure he knows it’s there. And Steve, I know you enough to know you want to do this but if you really can't handle things, please call me.” 

Steve looked at her for a moment, her face said nothing but he felt like her eyes were saying more than he could really decipher. He wanted to ask her if there was more to this but he kept his mouth closed not sure if it would have made a difference. He only nodded to her, taking a moment to think. 

“I know it's weird. You both have been friends for a while now and here I am taking his bag because he wants to be here instead. I’m acting like we’ve been friends forever, it just feels like it, I can't shake it off.”

She rested a hand on his arm to silence him, a gentle smile on her face, green eyes watching him warmly, “It’s not weird. Bucky grows attached to people very easily, he may not seem like he does sometimes but he does. You’ve been one of the first people that have actually stuck around that really wants to be there for him and not just there to hope you get a hand out. That makes me want to trust you. Now if you fuck that up, I will have to kill you.”

Steve laughed but Natasha only smiled wider, a glint in her eye that seemed to say that phrase wasn’t entirely a joke, “Night Steve.”

He held her arm gently, letting her turn around before he let go, her face expecting him to speak as he weighed everything out.

“He doesn't seem to want to talk, I think he just gave up. He answers me with nods or shakes his head but I can't be entirely sure since it's only been a little while.”

A familiar sense of something crossed through Natasha’s eyes, nodding to him like it was nothing new. He supposed it made sense, the not speaking bit. He went through bouts of not talking when he was younger and he figured it was something you could easily fall back into if you wanted to when you were an only child relying on entertaining yourself. 

“Should I be worried?”

She shook her head, “It's just a childhood coping mechanism, once he could sign he did it more often when he was upset because Clint and I knew what he was saying. Brock was the only one that didn't but that was never an issue. He may sign to you but knowing you won’t understand he probably won’t. Just let him do what feels comfortable, he’ll pick himself up in a few days.”

“When he obviously buries it down.”

Natasha rubbed his arm softly, giving it a gentle squeeze, “I talked to Dr. Potts about what happened and to let her know why he didn’t come in today. When he feels up to it he’ll see her again and she’ll try to work it out with him. Right now she said he’s probably in shock and trying to settle into things that are familiar. Since he’s decided to stay here, please don’t leave him alone while he’s awake. I already explained to Nick about giving you some slack, we have a new guy doing float shifts and he's ready to help behind the bar. I know this isn't what you signed up for Steve, you don't get paid being home.” 

Nodding Steve rested a hand against the wall, leaning in a little, “Yeah, I know, but I'd rather help than not. I got some money put away, if I need to use it just in case my paycheck comes back a little short.”

"You have your show at least, I'm sure we're not the only ones that enjoy your talent." She smiled, grateful. “He’s mostly going to sleep, he does that when he’s not feeling too good. You don’t have to sleep with him but just check up on him from time to time. If you need anything just call us, _anything_ Steve, don’t stop yourself from calling us.” 

Her phone went off and she looked at the caller, a soft sigh escaping before she ignored it, “Now, I should go deal with Brock before he tears the house apart- ”

A slight gnawing fear suddenly kicked in and Steve frowned, “Do you think he’s going to come here? Try and collect Buck?”

She shook her head, “He shouldn’t, he knows better.”

That didn’t make anything better, “Natasha, you all made it perfectly clear, hell _he_ made it perfectly clear how he feels about Bucky’s safety and who I am in relation to it. Isn’t this the equivalent to him being put in an unsafe environment to him?”

“To him, yes. But not to James. James has also made it perfectly clear to Brock where he stands about you. He’s told him that he won’t stop being your friend and Brock doesn’t have to like it but he knows better than to come here to collect him..”

“It’s just my ass if Bucky gets upset while he’s here.”

“To put it simply, yes.” A thought crossed her mind, lifting her eyes to study him, “How do you feel about Jack?”

Immediately shrugging, Steve partially frowned and shook his head, “Nothing. He’s an alright guy, why?”

“I wanted to bring some groceries and leftovers tomorrow for you two, do you mind if he drops them off?”

Rollins wasn’t even in a threat category for Steve which..in reflection to Sam warning him about the quiet ones he probably _should_ have him in one except right now he was only nodding like that wasn’t an issue.

“I don’t mind if he wants to, I’m guessing it’s so he can be Brock’s eyes and ease him off?”

She gave him a smile, “Jack’s who he’ll listen to over anyone, even James. Not that comparing the two of them is that simple but it’ll help and James will like seeing him.”

Steve nodded, “Sure, if he’s okay with dropping by it’s fine with me.”

*****

Night eventually came and even though Bucky had been moving around randomly, a good percentage of time was him in bed either napping or sending texts on his phone and if he was in bed, Steve was usually there with him. He made quick work of serving himself dinner and bringing Bucky one of the supplement bottles as well as a small container with warm to the touch hot and sour soup.

On the plus side he was awake and didn’t say a word about anything, only drinking down the small bottle of chocolate _whatever_ and making it about half way through the soup before he was covering it up with the plastic snap lid and setting it back on the night table with the spoon waiting on top. 

Steve let himself do what he needed to do while Bucky settled. As much as he wanted to ask him how he was doing and if he was okay he knew better than to do so. Bucky took a dose of his medication and curled up under the covers and it seemed like a good time to open up The Hound of the Baskervilles and continue where they left off. Bucky watched him with half lidded sleepy eyes and tune in as much as he could before eventually falling asleep again. 

Steve found out quickly that he wasn’t capable of leaving Bucky even to sleep once night set, he admitted as much to Natasha through a text when she asked for an update. She only tried her best to assure it was just in his instinct from a traumatic event being so soon ago and he would be okay to walk away while Bucky slept to take care of himself. 

He agreed even though he mainly did it so he could end the conversation. In theory he knew she was right but he had his concerns hanging over his head, guilt sliding itself in even with the reminder none of it was his fault, that Bucky hid it away from him because he was well aware of how he would react. It didn’t help though, he couldn’t convince himself; not with the issues in Germany, his parents and even Steve himself. He should have done more than whine about staying home and taking off for a shower when he didn’t get his way. He should have paid attention, _he shouldn’t have been so selfish_. 

Steve fell in and out of naps that barely lasted ten or so minutes and then he was watching Bucky sleep again, warily waiting for brows to furrow or his absent soft muttering noises to turn into something louder and more frantic. He only wanted to catch anything before it happened, unsure of exactly _what_ else to do, his index finger lightly brushing along the soft fist Bucky made around the corner of his pillow.

It was a soft whimper in the dark early morning that woke him out of his partial sleep and Steve was immediately on high alert, shifting close to brush a hand along Bucky’s shoulder ever so lightly and keep everything careful. He wasn’t sure if shaking him awake would have been wise and when he received no response he gently pet a hand through Bucky’s hair.

“Buck, wake up. It’s Steve, you’re having a bad dream.”

Eyes fluttered open and a sharp intake of air was sucked into his lungs, confusion written across his features alongside tense shoulders.

“Bucky.”

Bucky focused on him and Steve softly smiled when recognition took. He brushed a couple of strands of hair away from his forehead, the pads of his index and middle finger stroking along his skin before he drew his hand back, “You okay?”

Blinking a few times as Bucky surveyed the room glowing in soft yellow lamp light, Steve eased his worry when shoulders relaxed and he nodded to him, settling back under the blanket with a gentle gaze locked on him. 

Mirroring the position of laying on his side, Steve attempted to keep his eyes open, glasses perched on his nose when he was trying to read with strained eyes prior to the nightmare, though obviously he failed at it. He hadn’t even realized he fell asleep again after waking Bucky up until he felt his frames lifting off the bridge of his nose carefully and he opened his eyes groggily just in time to see a bottom lip lost between teeth and his glasses between Bucky’s fingers.

Blinking slowly, Steve half smiled, “Guess I’m that tired.” 

A brow went up like Bucky was thinking up a sarcastic retort only to not say anything following it, still not talking and that was alright. Whatever it was that made Bucky feel better, no matter how much it lacked sense to him, he would let him do it taking his folded glasses to place them on his side of the bedside table.

He turned just as fingers curved along his jaw and brushed against his beard, eyes closing instantly and it took him a second to realize what Bucky was doing, forcing his eyes open to give him a suspicious look, “You should sleep, don’t worry about me getting rest. You know exactly what I’m doing, don’t you?”

Bucky nodded to him, Steve rested a hand at Bucky’s hip, “I don’t wanna sleep and leave you alone.”

Shaking his head, Bucky shifted in and hands pulled at Steve until they were pressed firmly together. It was against his shoulder where Steve felt Bucky smile against his shirt, the back of Bucky’s fingers grazing the hairs growing along his jaw and down his chin. It was difficult for Steve to fight the simple attack that welcomed sleep at his doorstep, the touch delicate and exact, soothing him like everything that was trapped within suddenly seemed to disappear and melt away; before he could entirely wrap his head around it all he was down for the count.

*****

Jack was ringing the buzzer in the morning after Steve was up and working out in the living room, draping a towel around his neck as he checked who it was and let him in. A few minutes later there was a knock at the door and Steve let him in with a sweep of his hand, gesturing to the kitchen table when he saw the grocery bags.

Rollins gave him a smile as he set the pair of bags down, pulling out a couple of containers stacked together from the first bag, “Natasha made you both some cabbage rolls and stuffed peppers. She told me to go to the store and grab a couple of those chicken salads he likes..” He paused and looked over at Steve studying the containers at a comfortable distance, “Is he eating? I know in Germany..”

Steve nodded to him, “Yeah, a little bit. He drank one of this supplement drinks and had some soup. Most of the time he was sleeping.”

“Probably good for him,” Jack confirmed, pulling out a small jug of chocolate milk, “He’ll be okay.”

“Yeah.” Steve let out softly before kicking himself into gear to assist, picking up the milk and leftovers to put them into the fridge along with the salads.

“This..is for you.” 

Steve turned to find Jack holding out a slim grey tin box with a gift ribbon tied around it.

“Now, I’m not an artist or anything. I just know the company name when Buck buys charcoal or his own pencils and it stuck to me. I just,” He lifted a shoulder, “I know you like sketching and I wanted to say thanks.”

Stunned at the gesture, Steve almost reached forward to take it before stopping his hand, “I can’t take that. You know I only did what you would have done.”

Rollins’ features darkened a bit, pressing the tin hiding away a set of pencils into the blond’s hands, “I really wouldn’t assume I have the kind of control you seemed to have exercised. I’m not sure of myself in all honesty. He’s had people thinking he’s open to all kinds of sexual advances just because he’s a little out there when in reality he’s really the opposite. Just take the small token, it’ll make me feel better. Just don’t tell Brock.” 

A small grateful smile crossed Steve’s face knowing Jack wouldn’t take it back no matter how much he said no, taking the tin and looking down at it, “This is really nice, thank you Jack.” All the words sinking in, he let out a short chuckle nodding over the Brock comment, “Ah, yeah. I appreciate you not bringing him with you.”

They both turned to footsteps approaching out of the hall, a hand rubbing sleepy eyes as they tried to adjust and maybe trying to make out Jack standing in the apartment. 

“Hey I’ll let you two..uh, talk. Make yourself at home. Coffee?”

“Sure thanks, black is fine.” Jack let out, Bucky nodding for some coffee while they both headed over to sit down and Steve went to retrieve three mugs from the cabinet. 

While the water heated, he watched in amazement that as soon Bucky seemed to wake up, arms came up, slow and careful before his hands swept in and made precise arcs and pressed in fingers before Jack who watched patiently the entire time. It took Steve a second to realize Bucky was signing and it was still lazy looking compared to other times he had seen him speak with his hands but the fact that he was doing it was still something he enjoyed seeing. 

Bucky’s eyes stayed locked into Jack’s as he followed what Bucky was saying, dropped himself down beside him on the couch, body facing him as he nodded and rested an elbow against the back. Steve was equally curious when he watched Jack bring his arms forward and sign just the same, large hands forming shapes and gestures in their own personal conversation before Jack only sighed and pulled Bucky into his arms to hold him tight. 

Steve brought over their drinks and set them on the table, giving them both an awkward smile, Jack thanking him before Steve retreated with his own mug to his bedroom to grab something for a shower.

Jack swept hands over Bucky’s shoulders, giving him a light once over asking small gentle questions and Bucky only nodded or shook his head to each one before they were holding hands again. 

“Brock’s really worried about you Kiddo, I really had to keep him from coming with me _and_ make sure he wasn’t going to tail me and brute force his way in.”

Tears welled up in Bucky’s eyes, leaning against Jack and arms only held him tight, “You’re texting him at least?”

Sniffling into Jack’s collar, he vehemently nodded and Rollins smiled gently giving Bucky’s back a pat, “Good, that’s better than nothing.”

Out of the shower and dressed, Steve was finished in time to see Jack taking his leave and Bucky pulling the throw blanket over his legs. He set out to get some work done watching Bucky from the corner of his eye, always keeping tabs on his movements and mannerisms just in case something was off. 

For the past hour though he only sat at the corner of the couch curled up under the blanket keeping himself as small as possible while staring out the window occasionally smoking a few drags of random cigarettes Steve didn’t even know he had before they would eventually burn themselves out on the top of a soda can used for the ashes that was sitting on the edge of the table.

Steve wasn’t entirely a fan of the smoking inside but he allowed it for now, mostly observing as he worked on exhibit pieces and mainly out of Bucky’s way. Sometimes he would draw him when he was especially not paying much attention to where he was, lost in pensive thoughts and chewing away at his thumbnail. 

Sometime after noon Steve decided it was time for lunch, pulling out vegetables to make his own salad and leftover wonton soup he had stored in the fridge as backup from last night heated away on the stove. He grabbed another mug pouring in just the broth and only halfway, he approached the back side of the couch to hold out the cup out, thick tendrils of heat wafting out.

“Here, drink this in a few minutes, it’s hot.”

Bucky peered at it, slowly taking it though his face said he didn’t much want it. He inhaled the familiar scent though, his last smoke burned out ten minutes ago so all that was filling the air was the comforting smell of soup. Steve chalked it as a victory of sorts returning to the kitchen table to read.

A few minutes of silence passed until Steve was startling to the noise of cup falling on the floor and Bucky just staring at it in disbelief.

Steve quickly got to his feet, approaching the mess, “Buck, you okay?”

Bucky snapped out of it and nodded automatically. He couldn’t stop shaking no matter what he did, hands trembling as he picked up the smashed ceramic bits one by one barely feeling the prick of a sharp fine corner nicking skin. The moment he looked at it dark beads of blood reached the surface threatening to run down his hand if he didn't catch it. Actions were numb and robotic as he pressed a napkin to it from off the coffee table, kneeling down to pick up more pieces trying to will his body to stop shivering, tears prickling his eyes the only warning before they spilled over and down his cheeks.

Steve knelt down beside him, eyes sweeping over him in a cautious gaze and to make sure he didn’t burn himself from the soup, “Bucky.”

He ignored him, pressing on to get the mess cleaned up.

A hand gently rested against his shoulder and Bucky only pulled it away in a hard jerk, “M’fine!”

Steve sat back on his heels glad to hear him talk but pushed it aside; patient and biding his time.

Bucky’s hands couldn’t stop on their own, motor functions refusing to work on even the basic of levels, another fragment falling away from fingers and shattering into smaller pieces against the wood. Steve gingerly pulled him up to his feet, his voice soft and soothing, “It’s okay.”

Bucky nodded, Steve wasn’t sure if it was more to him or just at himself. He only stood still staring off vacantly and Steve steered him into the armchair away from the mess, jogging to the bathroom before coming back with some ointment and a bandage. He kneeled down on the floor next to Bucky, gingerly taking his hand and checking the half an inch cut as it continued to bleed dark and red. He gave it a few seconds, dabbing away while Bucky sat in resolute silence. When it finally managed to clot up, Steve coated it with a thin layer of antibiotic ointment before wrapping it with the bandage.

He smiled at his finger, resting the hand back in Bucky’s lap like he would have originally, “There you go, no problem.”

Bucky’s other hand reached up as Steve went to stand, taking his hand and giving it a squeeze like he struggled to want to say something but couldn’t and Steve only shook his head, giving the hand a gentle shake, “You’re fine.”

Once everything was wiped down and swept up, Steve moved himself to the couch where Bucky had been settled prior eventually laying himself out as he was catching up on reading while Bucky watched something on the nature channel about sharks. He lifted his eyes off the page when he caught movement and Bucky getting off the armchair to approach him. 

Silently he wiggled in between the small space left at Steve’s arm and his side, pressing his back against ribs while forcefully pushing his butt into Steve’s leg while the blond tried not to laugh. Bucky curled his arms around to hug Steve's bicep as he nuzzled his face into the muscle of flesh and rested his head on shoulder. Steve only watched him over his book to the tuft of brown hair, leaning in just enough to press a kiss into it, going back to his story.

A small window of time left them before Bucky cleared his throat softly, “..I kept thinking about the coffee shop, the way he was talking and trying to get in my space. Nothing happened, he just kept getting closer until Johnny stepped in. I felt a little shaken up but I was trying not to say anything. Like last night, nothing happened but I feel like it did.”

Steve began to pet him slowly, gentle strokes along his shoulder and back listening to the wariness in his voice, the sound of his throat clearing to speak better. 

“They don't have to do anything to make you feel uncomfortable, that's the thing with it. Johnny said you looked uncomfortable when he was trying to hit on you at the coffee shop. That’s sexual harassment, even if he didn’t touch you it was attention you didn't want and clearly rejected. What he do? He pressed on, invaded your space I bet like at the bar, you have a right to be upset. Then that piece of shit drugged you, that wasn’t just _nothing_ , that was attempted rape and assault. God I'm so glad I was there, so very glad.”

Bucky turned himself around to his other side staring at him with vulnerable eyes catching his before he reached over, lightly brushing his fingers over bandages covering bruised knuckles.

“You’re important to me Buck.” Steve whispered softly, keeping his eyes leveled with Bucky’s, “You know this..and I’m gonna keep telling you if you need me to.” 

Drawing in a small shaky breath, Bucky’s eyes swept away looking anywhere but at him, “I don’t know what Ward told you about Alex but it was probably all true.”

“Hey, no stop.” Steve held him tight to his body, brushing Bucky’s bangs away from his face, “We’re not doing this. I don’t want you going in a bad place right now.”

Bucky pressed his face close against the small juncture of space between Steve’s neck and shoulder, fingers gripping tightly to the fabric of his shirt, “He never told me where he was going, I really don’t know where he is..”

Steve pressed his head close, evenly stroking his hand down Bucky’s back, “I don’t care if you do or you don’t. You don’t have to explain anything to me Buck.”

“He was really bad news Stevie..”

Steve felt his emotions swell, ceasing his movements to only press his palm against the center of Bucky’s back the second he heard the way his voice rose, “ _Bucky_.”

“..I should have known better, just like this crap. I only wanted to impress him, I wanted that asshole to _like_ me,” Bucky inhaled wetly, “Maybe even fall in love with me and all he just feed off it and screwed with my head. I _let_ him Stevie, I let him just walk all over me and make me feel like I was so lucky to be around him.”

Steve drew his head back, gingerly guiding Bucky’s head back so they were looking at each other, face red and blotchy streaked with silent tears. Steve shook his head at him, trying to wipe the tracks away, “Don’t do this to yourself.” 

Bucky’s voice grew quieter, “I would have done a lot of things so differently if I knew better. I kept listening to his lies and believed every word he said.”

Not knowing what to really say, he pulled Bucky hard against his chest and only held him, hushing the soft hiccups of rising pain and tears that he knew were forthcoming. 

They stayed like that together, Steve’s fingers drifting idly along the back of Bucky’s shirt as he felt him softly breathing into the crook of his neck. It was never deeper or shallow indicating Bucky was asleep but Steve never spoke up to ask if he was alright, letting him stay like that on his battered old couch as the hours etched away. 

It was when Bucky pulled himself up to use the bathroom that Steve gave waited a few seconds before he got up and went to the bedroom, rifling through his closet and pulling out a gift behind some stacked boxes. It was as thick as a novel but obviously from the differences in size underneath it happened to contain two different things. The wrapped items were finished with a blue bow and he sat on the edge of the bed waiting as he watched the night sky darkening quickly.

Footsteps shuffled around, a pause before they came back to the bedroom and Bucky was scratching the side of his head in confusion. Steve only gave him a small smile and held out the gift adorned with a pattern of T-Rex’s wearing Santa hats and scarves while they were screaming in the air holding an open Christmas present by their feet and a teddy bear in their small clawed hands. The second Steve saw it at the store, conveniently placed with all the other children’s gift wrapping, he knew he had to buy it for Bucky because if that wasn’t him, he had no idea who the Bucky he spent time with was. 

Bucky only stared at him in surprise, a hand reaching out and taking the present to stare at the wrapping for a long moment, a small quirk of a smile fighting with the straight line of his mouth. He delicately pulled at the bow and watched it unravel, slipping off and away against his toes as he stared at the wrapping again before he glanced up at Steve, “..What?”

“Your Christmas gift, that first one I mentioned.” He explained simply, giving a small shrug. “I didn’t know when to give it to you, I think you should have it now.” 

Bucky began to shake his head, “Steve I don’t think- ”

“Yeah I know you never think,” Steve cut in with a smirk, “Open it Punk.”

“I..” He sighed, tearing a strip of paper away, “You’re a fuckin’ Jerk.”

The bits of gift wrap fell away with the ribbon revealing two slim boxes and Bucky made a noise of recognition the second he saw the title of the first one. 

“ _Stevie_..”

Steve stared at him like he wondered if he did something so absolute in Bucky’s eyes, his voice so caught in emotion, almost breaking off into a gasp that wouldn’t actually present itself. He watched him move to sit on the edge of the bed and look, _really_ study his gift. Two fingers grazed over the dress of the woman on the front of the cover, the book that looked deceptively like a book was worn, corners rubbed in and edges that had seen better days. 

Bucky didn’t seem to care much, his hand resting both on his lap carefully as he switched to look at the other slightly battered box. The Christmas lights in Steve’s bedroom reflected off the shiny gold leaf lettering coming from the blue beautifully decorated box titled _Box of Stars_ and Steve could tell Bucky was familiar with it, his fingers running along the edges of the words with a recognition to it. 

He seemed to collect himself enough to open the blue one first, a book written in old type inside like lost letters kept away for him, but it was the set of laminate cards and the maps of the sky he was more interested in, a flash of excitement crossing his face as he laid them all out on the bed.

Bucky turned to Steve to ask him something and Steve only gazed at the cards with a knowing smile, giving him a light nod, “They’re both complete, both have thirty two cards, I checked.”

Pausing to look at Steve, Bucky could only smile, half turning to face the bed as he set the beige box down to open that one, pulling out star charts that looked similar to the first box, shuffling through them absently.

“I used to own Urania’s Mirror before, when I was younger. I didn’t know I would see it again, it was a little bit of a faded memory for me but I knew one of these days I would grab it again..”

Steve watched Bucky treat them like they were a precious memory, the settled warmth in his belly flaring up again, “I saw them in this old antique shop I occasionally go to, I’m sure they still manufacture recent editions of them but I always find the older ones to be better, even if they’re a little worn out.”

Glancing up to look at him, Bucky smiled, pure and genuine and Steve could only stare back at him, lost in that orbit he was happily trapped in. 

“I think that too, thank you so much Steve, these are amazingly sweet. That you thought of me when you saw them, thank you.”

Biting on his lip, Steve nodded at him, “You said you lost Urania’s Mirror, you know what happened to it? Maybe it’s in your library.”

Bucky quickly shook his head, “My mother threw it away, to punish me. I forget about why though.” 

He fell quiet, thumbing through one of the two little books and Steve beat back the urge to comfort him knowing that probably wasn’t what Bucky wanted, just relaying information and moving past it. 

Instead he gestured to the cards, “What are those small pinholes for?”

Bucky picked up the tray with the cards, “Here, look..” 

He took Steve’s hand and moved over to the edge of the bed corner. It was such a normal move yet Steve was distracted, staring down at their hands while Bucky gripped his tight, other hand fiddling through the shallow container looking for the correct card. Steve absently followed the the way the Christmas lights in the window danced along pale skin, he shuffled in beside Bucky studying the tilt of his neck color disappearing underneath his dark brown hair which was becoming a little thicker, a little fluffier. Steve tucked some of the strands behind Bucky’s ear for him like he tended to do absently when he was talking. Bucky paused in surprise, looking back at his friend with a little smile before he returned to look for the card again. He held one up, a bear drawn on it, the strung up lights shining through the holes, “The holes in the stars on the card shows you the constellation when you hold it up in front of any kind of light, just look at it.”

Steve shifted closer to Bucky, the star map made for one person to look through forcing his body to press as close as he could to his friend, knees touching and thighs smoothed into one another. Bucky lifted his arm and loosely draped it along Steve’s shoulder and their upper bodies tucked in together, Steve moving his arm to fit comfortably behind Bucky’s waist. Together they pressed their heads together, side by side, he could feel the warmth of Bucky’s breath along his chin as he held it up higher to look through the holes and see the rainbow of lights shining through them. 

“Sorry the cards are so small- ”

Fingers lightly poked Bucky’s side to cause him to stop, “I don’t mind. Don’t worry about it.” He read the top, “What’s Ursa Major?” 

“It’s a star pattern of a bear, my favorite one. The one story about it I like the most is the Greek one about Zeus seeing this maiden named Callisto. I believe she was with Artemis’ group of hunters, I can’t be certain. Anyway, Zeus basically sees her and like everyone he sees and wants, gets his way and has her and Zeus’ wife Hera turns her into a bear. Years later, Callisto’s son Arcas runs into her while he’s hunting and she approaches him trying to get him to recognize her but he just sees a bear. Before he ends up killing his own mother, Zeus intervenes and sends them both into the sky as constellations. The bear keeper and the great bear.”

Steve stole a glance at Bucky, half his story was just his eyes drifting away to stare at those lips softly smiling and speaking away. He wanted to nuzzle his face in close and keep it there, he wanted so much of what this all was for Bucky, a bottle of his happiness tucked away for a rainy day. He wanted so much he felt overwhelmed by it, like the air temporarily slipped out of his company and left him stranded.

“Do you know a lot about the stars?” He heard himself asking.

“Imogen always told me bedtime stories about the stars, my parents never had time to tell me goodnight,” He shrugged lightly, “I got used to it.” 

Steve thought back to all the times his ma would come home, even late, to check on him and read him stories, or tuck him in. Even when he was asleep he could sometimes sense her looking in on him and he’d feel a kiss on his head before he drifted off again. He couldn’t imagine not having that, his hand instinctively reaching over to to cradle his palm over Bucky’s hand. 

Bucky didn’t mean to feel startled over the action, his head distracted as he stared at the sky past the card, Steve didn’t pull away feeling his thumb gently rub a light circle along the side of his wrist. He felt the warmth collect around his cheeks but he didn’t want Steve to stop, the heat in his belly growing into a gentle fire.

The card returned back into the small tray holding them, a small space returning between their bodies and Bucky couldn’t help smiling at Steve, the corner of his bottom lip tucked in as they stared at each other. Steve could only smile back, boyish and light, nothing like normal where he was genuinely smiling but he was still Steve. This was more vulnerable and open to Bucky, it was more personal. It made him feel _different_ , the sensation of it prickling goosebumps across his skin all the way to the tips of his toes. 

His teeth pressed into his lip too frozen to look away but too worried about the step forward when Steve abruptly turned to look back out the window and his hand moved off his. All the enchantment slipped away leaving Bucky a little lost, his mind turning over and over at the way he was reading Steve’s gaze, like there was more to it, before he pushed it away as his silly imagination just making up things.

*****

Bucky woke up in Steve’s bed immediately feeling the difference of a body not pressed against him or close by, turning over and peering around with the low setting of the lamp light left on to find the space empty behind him. His eyes closed as his body tried to convince him to fall asleep again before he managed to force them open. The door was left ajar with the light of the hallway creeping in.

He let out a small annoyed groan, sitting up, “Steve?”

The brunette strained to listen, but there was no answer instead the sound of Ella Fitzgerald floating faintly from most likely the living room. He actually took a long moment to listen to the trumpet playing alongside the smooth sound of her voice floating into the room, soaking in the pure and perfect sound. Rubbing his eyes tiredly as he pulled himself out of bed, he spied his bear robe draped over the armchair and he pulled it on over wrinkled pajamas.

Shuffling out into the hallway, he pulled his bear hood over his head as his feet barely lifted off the floor trying to will himself through the hall. Bucky’s eyes barely stayed opened trying to restrict the amount of light coming in finally making it to the living room, Steve’s body on the couch coming into view. Bucky continued to shuffle, his hands blindly closing his robe over his chest feeling slightly cooler out here than in the bedroom. His thighs collided with the arm of the couch, the heels of both his hands grinding into his eyes, “Steve?”

He could hear how deep and sleep soaked his voice sounded, startling Steve out of his work.

Steve turned, hunched over a pair of small canvases and a paintbrush between his teeth. He was seemingly more tolerant to the slight chill than Bucky dressed in just his snug white tank top and sweatpants. It was then that Bucky noticed the coffee table turned into the couch to hold some paints and water. 

Glancing over his shoulder, Steve paused for a moment to actually take into account at how much of a child Bucky looked in his robe while he rubbed his eyes. A small smile crossed his face remembering the first time he wore it, forgetting about how he looked until now.

“Hey, did I wake you up with the music?”

Bucky shook his head, “S’noticed you not there, then I heard the music after.”

Steve gave him an apologetic look when he finally lowered his hands, setting his two brushes down on the cloth laid out on the table, outstretching his left arm out, “I’m sorry. I just couldn’t sleep after a few hours and you were out cold. Really had the urge get some work done on the smaller bits. Come here.”

The brunette moved forward but abruptly made a small displeased noise, “I don’t want to stop you from working, just turn your back to me and continue what you were doing.”

Steve was confused but obliged him, shifting closer to the middle of the couch, turning to the right side while he picked one of his brushes back up. He heard Bucky move closer, his back soon enveloped by body heat. The brunette hooked his long legs around Steve’s hips, crossing them over each other at the space of Steve’s lap and on under his ankles. Bucky’s arms linked around his upper body, leaning his whole frame in. Steve smiled to himself, fixing his canvases to lightly rest them against Bucky’s legs. 

Bucky turned the side of his head to rest against the Steve’s shoulder, his fingers lightly rubbing against Steve’s chest as the blond took the chance to reach behind him and ruffle Bucky’s always messy hair, “Buck, do you want me to take us to bed?”

Another disagreeable noise came from Bucky, “I’m gonna wait til you’re done. I’m fine right here.”

Steve softly chuckled, imagining Bucky resembling a sleeping sloth right then. He didn’t push, continuing with his work. He felt faint stubble rub lightly in and snuggle closer, “You feel so warm..”

It had only taken about twenty minutes when he felt the weight of Bucky’s skull press down firmly against him, the soft sound of his snores by his ear serenaded by the music and Steve’s presence. 

“Time for bed.” he whispered lightly, careful to unhook Bucky’s legs without awaking him. He focused on his breathing, moving to separate his vice-like grip of his held hands. Steve didn’t completely think things through, his back automatically straightening which caused Bucky to tumble backwards onto the couch with a soft thud. 

“Shit.” Steve swore out, turning to face the wrath of Bucky being awoken. Fortunately for him, he had stayed asleep, sprawled and snoring. Steve slipped off the couch, hitting the light and turning off the music. He followed back to the front of the couch by the light of the hall, gathering Bucky up in his arms one holding his back the other holding him behind his knees. Bucky’s hood slipped off, his head lolling onto Steve’s shoulder the blond took the chance to nuzzle his hair carrying him to the bedroom. 

Laying Bucky out gingerly, Steve climbed in beside him getting comfortable.

“Steve?”

Steve moved beside him, giving his shoulder a soft squeeze reassuringly, “I’m right here, I’m not going anywhere.”

“Okay.” He mumbled back in his sleep, he rolled onto his side, draping his arm over Steve’s before he was out again.

*****

“Are you ready to go?”

Bucky turned his head from the mirror, Steve standing by and watching him with a silent carefulness to it while he was pulling his leather satchel on. Bucky fixed his peacoat again, fluffing the hood of his favorite hoodie around his neck after tugging it out from under the coat. He wrapped a scarf around his neck still feeling oddly cold but he knew it was probably all just in his head, nodding absently and slipping his feet into sneakers.

Steve studied Bucky again from the corner of his eye, he was more quiet now as opposed to earlier. Knew from his body language he didn’t want to go outside of the apartment just from his actions but was doing it because Steve has requested him to. He didn’t even ask where they were going, only observing sandwiches wrapped up in saran wrap, oranges going into paper bags with pudding cups and water bottles placed into his satchel. The food went into a plastic bag and Bucky appeared beside him with three spoons, obviously noticing it wasn’t just them.

Their first cab took them to the police station, Bucky waiting across the street at a diner while Steve went inside to do what needed to be done, supplying them with the contact information of a lawyer Tony let him know he retained just to be safe. He had already ran the whole story through with the guy and now did it again as he made his statement and answered some questions, a small satisfaction settling in his bones about the guy being on a breathing machine because he was that messed up. He wondered if at any point he would feel bad and for now he really didn’t. A little bit later they let him go and told him they’d be in touch and he was all fine with that as long as they weren’t making him drag Bucky in or he wasn’t being arrested. 

The second cab took them to the real destination he had planned, Bucky only looking up from his phone when Steve gave him a gentle nudge, peeking outside only to see them at the animal shelter he occasionally volunteered at. Confused, he glanced at Steve for an explanation.

“I hope this is okay, I had to ask Johnny where the place was and figured you might need some nonhuman friends as a pick me up.”

The hopeful smile across Bucky’s face as he climbed out of the car was enough for Steve, following after him once the driver was paid off and a girl was at the front desk already greeting Bucky and leading him to the back, soft whispers going between them as they caught up. Steve made himself sparce; already calling ahead and asking about the favor to cheer him up so no one was left in surprise but the second the person heard it was for Bucky they were telling him to just come in and they would cover it. He had an idea knowing Bucky and silently followed as they moved through aisles of dogs and she was gently guiding Bucky to keep going before they came to a quieter area of the shelter and she pulled a soft blanket off a shelf and guided him to sit down on the concrete by the corner, draping it over his lap.

“Give me a second, okay?”

Bucky was only nodding because he had no idea but he was smiling and Steve looked around for somewhere inconspicuous to sit. The girl approached him and put her hand out, “Sorry, I’m Liv. The one you talked to, I assume you’re Steve?”

Steve shook her hand, giving her a smile, “Yeah, thank you so much. I just, he’s been down lately and I know he likes- ”

She shook her head, waving a hand between them, “Anything for Bucky. He’s always welcome here, he doesn’t need a reason.”

Steve paused and nodded gratefully, “Thank you.”

Liv pointed out a folding chair, apologizing about there being nothing better but it was more than enough for him, resting his satchel over his lap as Bucky waited and they only gazed at each other in silence after she left. Soon after, Liv came back with a shallow box in her arms, soft little whimper noises already causing Bucky to look up in interest and she knelt down before him, taking a little squirming black colored pug out, tenderly placing it on his blanket covered lap. 

Before Bucky could react, she was placing a tan one, then a brown one, then one that was mixed and another black one with a patch of white on its little bottom. They were all rolling about and huddling together and Bucky brought his hands around to keep them from accidentally falling off his legs. He leaned against the brick wall behind him and couldn’t speak, one wandering up against his belly and trying to peer up at him. Two immediately fell into a nap and the others investigated their new space in wonder. 

Bucky looked up at Steve, his palmed opening a little, gesturing for him to join if he liked and the blond only gave him a gentle smile holding up his book, “Mind if I draw you all instead?”

Stretching his crossed legs a bit out so there was more of a dip to keep the puppies in his lap, he shrugged with a shake of his head and a smile, gingerly picking up the black one trying to climb up his shirt and he cupped it against his chest, receiving little pink puppy kisses on his nose and around his face. His other hand was trying to pet the others all at once, his face flushing in excitement over how sweet they all were.

Turning to a blank page Steve started working, occasionally glancing up and distracting himself with the sight of tiny balls of fur rolling around and vying for Bucky’s attention as he tried his best to keep them all occupied at once. And he was smiling, that happy genuine smile that made Steve feel warm and pleased. The one he would do anything to keep on Bucky’s face because it was real and he deserved to look like that always.

Steve was almost finished darkening lines and detailing the little things around Bucky, shading in the worn brick and fine grout between segments, adding small details of faint crinkles at Bucky’s eyes and just how slender his fingers really were as the pad of one lightly touched the end of a puppy’s nose. 

Occasionally they met eyes while he was working but Steve didn’t want to interrupt either Bucky’s time or his own momentum, only shaking his head when he did and gave him a warm smile to assure everything was perfect. His phone vibrated in his pocket and he checked to see a text from Sam, closing his book hastily before he stuffed it back into his bag with his pencils and erasers. 

Like clockwork or a hint from someone else not in the room, Liv popped in with a giddy gleam in her eye the second Steve stood up and they looked at each other. 

Bucky caught it just as quickly when he saw the interaction, curiosity getting the better of him, “What’s with that look?”

“What look?”

“What look?”

Came out of both mouths at the same time and Liv tried not to laugh, taking the box with the blanket in it to shuttle the puppies back to their mother, Bucky giving Steve a suspicious look before he gave his attention back to whining softly crying puppies, giving them little kisses on their heads that he couldn’t refuse before handing them all off and bidding them farewell. 

He rested a hand on Liv’s arm when he got back to his feet, giving her a partial hug so he wasn’t knocking the box over, “Thanks for letting me see them, I didn’t know I needed that.”

She smiled, giving him a nod, “If you need to see them again, you know where they are, though I think you’ll be okay from today.”

Confused, Bucky looked at her, brows stitching together, “What do you mean?”

“I should go,” She grinned at Steve, giving him a little wave, “Nice meeting you Steve!”

And now Bucky was determined, hands formed into loose fists resting on his hips, “ _Steve_.”

It wasn’t like Steve was going to be able to hide it for much longer anyway, “I got one more present for you Buck.”

Bucky glanced around in confusion like the thing was invisible, looking back up at him with wide eyes, brows raised with no idea where said gift was. Steve called Sam, smiling when the call was connected.

“Where?”

“Sam has it. I had to keep it hidden away, I know you well enough to know you'd be trying to figure it out or look for it if you got wind of a second gift so I asked him to keep it at his place."

Bucky immediately turned to the sound of the opposite end door opening and Sam peeking his head in, “You wanna know what this big idiot got you?”

An offended scowl crossed Bucky’s face but was gone as quickly as it came, giving Steve a playful shove as he gleefully began to walk that way in wonder, “You're so mean to me! What is it?!”

Steve couldn’t help the grin on his face grasping out for one of Bucky’s arms to pull him in, “No I'm not, you’re just fun to tease. You know I’m nice, but please if this is a bad move and I miscalculated don't freak out okay?” 

Bucky only scrunched his face up in confusion, eyes a soft calm blue and Steve almost didn’t let him go. He snapped out of it gesturing for him to go ahead and get the door down the way following closely behind.

He glanced over his shoulder as he reached for the handle, “What the heck sort of gift are you giving me where I might flip out on you- ”

Bucky only had to open the door before the rest of his words were lost in an abrupt and surprised slip of a gasp towards the sight before him. 

Sam stood in the hallway with a bright smile, in his arms was a slightly squirming Alaskan Malamute that looked around a year old, a bright red bow stuck to his collar with a black rich saddle coat along his back and white where he wasn’t. The moment he looked at Bucky, furry ears perked up, too big for Sam to keep holding him up as he tried to jump from him to get to the brunette.

“Sam..?” Bucky trailed off, fixated on the wagging tail and cute whimper of wanting to greet Bucky but not able to get out from Sam's grasp. 

Bucky felt Steve gently press a hand on his shoulder, “He’s your last gift, if you want him Buck.”

Tears filled Bucky's eyes, his sight becoming watery and distorted. They quickly spilled down his cheeks, a soft sharp gasp coming out as he put his arms out for the dog, fingers wiggling so childishly it was hard for Steve not to hug him just because. 

“Careful Slim Jim, he’s almost a hundred pounds. Might as well be holding yourself in your arms.” Sam joked, gingerly passing the hefty canine over, watching Bucky hold him like a child. Front paws resting around his shoulders, his arms hugging his back legs to his body almost blocking him from Bucky’s own frame just from fur alone. Immediately the dog whined out, quickly licking Bucky's face, cold nose nudging wet cheeks until Bucky found one hand stroking fur as his eyes closed leaning his head against it.

Sam looked at Steve, giving him a nod, Steve gently rubbing Bucky's back.

“The VA adopted him from a shelter to be a therapy dog, he was a big boy when we got him, figured he would be great around everyone and manageable with the bigger guys who were kind of wary of handling the smaller dogs. I was training him and he was doing great but there was just one problem with him we found out later and we just couldn't keep him.”

Bucky opened his eyes, puffy and red, looking at Sam filled with curiosity even though he looked like he had no plans on giving the dog up.

“Lucky for you he gets attached too easily. He focuses on one person and stays with them, we need a dog that can go say hello to someone and move on to another. This guy,” Sam reached out, petting the canine between his ears, “He falls in love and he's done. He has no plans to move to someone else and I've worked with him for almost a year, I know when he's in love with someone. You might have a problem.”

Bucky was at a loss for words, the dog panting in his face and licking it as a shaky hand gave him more pets over it. He looked to stare at Steve, the gaze of asking if this was alright even though the question was mildly silly.

Steve ducked his head with a soft thoughtful smile, “I wasn't sure you really wanted a dog, if you could even have one. I know you love Lucky but he's Clint's. I just felt like the way you are with him, the way Lucky's with you that I wanted to give you something that was just yours so he was with you all the time. You're always happier when you have him around and Lucky is always making sure you're happy. I don't want to replace him just wanted you to have an extra hand or paw in this case. I know it’s a big deal, I didn’t mean to spring it on you like this but Sam mentioned it a month or so ago and it started turning in my head. I know with the baby thing and stuff going on you may move and this way you’ll have him in your own space, I’m offering to keep him at my place until then if you like as long as he doesn’t eat my paints.”

Bucky blinked, confused, “You’re offering to..what..? Are you joking?”

Sam took the cue to get the dog out of Bucky's arms, letting him stand on the ground and sniff feet although he mainly preferred to rest beside Bucky's legs, sitting there looking up with him with his head tilted and tongue hanging out. He really didn’t think this was one of Steve’s more better ideas with all the drama going on but he got it, he could see what he was trying to do for Bucky and that sensation in Sam to help only weakened his resolve to talk his best friend out of it. 

Steve kept his face neutral, peering at Bucky, “Should I be joking?”

Whatever last stand Sam had planned to maybe get Bucky to think hard about his decision to keep a dog that technically was couch surfing at Steve’s went out the window when Bucky stopped eyeballing the blond and knelt down in front of the malamute again softly rubbing his face into his fur with a sweet smile. His shoulders and posture melted away to nothing, a light sigh slipping out of him. From what he was told through Steve about the last couple of days, this was a good gift for Bucky to ease his mood swings and cope with his trauma.

Sam looked at Steve only to see him watching Bucky with a dreamy fondness, arms folded over puffed out chest and proud; Sam knew that look too well. No matter what it took, Rogers was never going to let anyone take that dog away from Bucky as long as he was breathing.

Bucky looked up, shiny eyed, “Thank you Stevie..and Sam.”

“Always.”

Sam waved him away like it wasn’t even an issue, smiling to himself, “Sure.”

*****

The first night sleeping altogether, Bucky was sandwiched between them, his “puppy” pressed against him and laying against his side. Bucky partially laid himself out on his stomach with his arm around the dog. Steve slept mostly playing big spoon against Bucky to keep him feeling safe but with enough room to lie on his back if he needed to get some space.

The rest of their day after the big reveal consisted of having a quick lunch with Sam in the park before he took his leave, letting them handle the dog for a couple of days to see if it would fit for them then talk about paperwork. Bucky didn’t care one way or another what was going on with politics, heart set on pet friendly shopping and buying all things dog related. 

On the plus side the dog was trained and well behaved, not that Bucky saw anything less, the canine honed in on him the second they met and wasn’t even bothered about Sam leaving. He wanted Bucky’s attention and couldn’t care less what was on fire as long as the brunette was smiling at him. If Steve didn’t know any better he’d wonder if he just got shoved onto the back burner in favor of a dog. He hoped that wasn’t the case.

He woke up to hot damp dog breath panting in his face, opening one eye to see Nanook, that was what Bucky decided on calling him, too much of a Lost Boys fan to let it go and he had the gall to call _him_ a nerd for watching Frozen. Anyway, Nanook sat staring at him, almost rounded perked up ears and head tilted to the side when Steve finally did look. He still couldn’t get over how big he was for almost twelve months, pressed between the both of them and giving Steve the stink eye like he knew exactly what he was planning and he was there to remind Steve that Bucky was his and not for the taking.

He saw Bucky’s hand pressed into the fur on the dog’s back, Steve raising his head slightly to see Bucky asleep on his stomach and a loose fist tucked under his chin. Nanook turned his head, snout broad-siding Steve in the face then tried to chew at his fingers and whine in a howlish manner.

Steve could only roll his eyes, an index finger bumping the dog’s nose very lightly, “I know he’s yours, I’m just looking in case you smothered him with your love.”

Nanook snorted softly like he was offended at even the notion, licking Steve’s fingers and he could only smirk, “Food? You’ve been here for less than a day and I already know you’re only nice to me when you want food. That’s why you woke me up huh? I should return you to Sam for trying to steal Bucky away and only waking me up so you get fed.”

He only looked back at him with one blue eye and one brown and another tilt of his head. He carefully wiggled out from under Bucky’s hold which truly did fascinate Steve, himself gently rolling off the bed so not to wake him either. They both left the room side by side

*****

Bucky awoke to the one sliver of light daring to break through the almost completely closed curtains. His hand came up, blocking the ray from his eyes and rolling over to his side with a scowl over his face, feeling a heft on his feet realizing when he moved his toes that _his_ dog, shit he had a dog now, was on them passed out.

Blue eyes roamed to the bare back facing him, Steve’s muscular sculpted back, the blanket at his chest just showing him enough to keep Bucky pleased for a little while. Wasn’t sure why he was shirtless but he wasn’t complaining. The light dusted over his tuft of blond, Bucky watching the bits of dust cascade through the air, embracing his bare skin. He laid quietly watching for an eternity, a soft smile on his face. Steve and the snow outside were two of Bucky’s favorite things to watch, coupled with a warm blanket bundled around him, it was so very perfect. He was never going to get bored of those sights. 

Steve was so good to him, he didn’t understand why he was trying to stay here and be a burden on him. He could have easily gone back to the brownstone, or to Rummy’s house. Anywhere but here and infect Steve’s life like some kind of blight that he couldn’t stave off. Guilt swelled within and he sighed hesitantly, fearful of destroying more of his relationship with Tony by just being this close, here where he should not at all be with keys around his neck that knew every beat of his heart. Steve asleep, mixing priorities up and focusing on being there for him instead of going on a date with his boyfriend. He was in the way, being a hardship just because he couldn’t keep himself from being close to Steve. No matter what stood in his way, he needed him and it was so pathetic.

Brushing a hand over his eyes, Bucky glanced around the room coming back out of his mind. His eye caught Steve’s sketchbook on the edge of the night table by his side. He glanced back the prone form beside him still slumbering before taking the pencil and book into his hands, flipping through it quickly to find a blank page near the back. With as little movement as he could he pushed himself to sit up, resting his back up against the headboard, his eyes glued to Steve intently listening for his breathing to change or any sign of waking. 

Bucky brought his knees up, pressing the book against them, pencil quickly making gentle soft strokes across the paper. The brunette’s tongue peeked out in concentration, staring hard at the paper. Blue eyes darted back and forth from subject to artwork, details appearing in smooth quick successions. Bucky narrowed his eyes as the pencil was pressed a bit more firmly, further concise darker lines contrasting to lighter ones coming out. Steve appearing before him on paper laying in the soft sunlight; calm and beautiful amongst all the madness. 

Bucky froze at the sound of Steve groaning, a hand reaching up to rub eyes. Silently the book closed, returning back to where it had been at, pencil resting on top. Bucky took his phone instead, pretending to look through it too shy to show him what he was doing until maybe Steve found it himself. Steve rolled onto his back, their eyes meeting and immediately his sleepy face brightened, a smile spreading across his chiseled face. Bucky tilted his head to the side looking at him, a soft warm pool of happiness welling up inside his stomach. 

“Hi.”

A soft smile twitched against Bucky lips, his teeth biting lightly at the inside of his bottom lip. He let his legs drop back down, “Hey.”

Steve rolled onto his back, rubbing the heels of his hands into his eyes, “When did you wake up?”

Bucky shrugged, stealing a look at abs and muscle and _God_ he looked so damn good, but when he paused at the faded scar tissue by his ribs and he sobered up a little, “Only a few minutes ago.”

“How are you feeling?”

Bucky slid back under the covers with his phone, “I think I feel better than the last couple days. I lost myself in my head, you know how I get..I should feed him.” 

Steve yawned, stretching out and careful not to kick the dog, something he had to get used to, “No need, I fed him like half an hour ago. He was breathing in my face until I woke up, apparently you’re too special to wake up.”

A small pleased laugh escaped out of Bucky, rolling onto his side with his back facing Steve, the blond accepting the invitation to move in against him. 

“Thank you for that.”

“I wasn’t sure if you, you know might feel bad still. You’re allowed to,” He softly stroked down Bucky’s arm, careful and tentative, “I was just worried. Didn’t want to force you out of bed if you weren’t feeling it. Like I said, I can take care of him for you.”

“I know, I’m sor- I’m really fine. You found him for me, I need to take care of him. And nothing happened, I was just thinking about bad things and worrying. It made me a little scared how careful I am and yet it still happened. I have to be more vigilant.”

Steve knew better than to speak up and say that he knew Bucky wasn’t fine, Bucky had never been entirely fine since they met again. He only brushed the tip of his nose lightly against the curve of Bucky’s shoulder, resisting a small urge to place kisses with it. Bucky snuggled into him, focused on his phone, both of Steve’s arms snaking around him.

“Next time you want to get into it with someone evidently that fucked up, let’s work it out like we did with Dylan, don’t be scared to let me play the bodyguard Buck. I mean, I told you before I got a decent right hook if someone acts up.”

Sighing softly, Bucky looked past his phone as he processed what he really was thinking, “I just wanted him to stop. I knew he was pushy, I knew he got into a thing with Jo and I know Johnny isn’t like that. He would never get into a fight with another guy over me, maybe fight with me but not like that. He would never start something, he’s harmless and he’s sweet. No one should hurt him.”

Steve dropped his head against the back of Bucky’s, nudging his nose against the back of his neck, fingers trailing along Bucky’s forearm, comforting him.

“You’re harmless and sweet too, no one should be hurting you. No one should be hurting anyone Buck. If something like this ever happens again will you tell me?”

Bucky paused, reaching out and placing his phone back on the night stand before he turned to his other side to lay face to face with Steve, baby blue eyes staring at him open and earnest. 

Stormy grey’s stared back and Steve could see they were brighter, more alert than they had been in the last couple of days, too long seeing them dull and pale like a light seemed to have escaped from them.

The hand that was stroking Bucky’s arm was immediately resting on his shoulder comfortingly, forehead leaning in and resting against his own. Something told Bucky, whispering soft and gentle in his ear to tilt his head just barely to the left or maybe if he wanted to he could shift to the right and press his lips in, that they would fit and it would be perfectly wonderful. He tried his best to push the idea away, attempting to slow the quickening of his breathing just as fast as it had arrived. 

Bucky closed his eyes as he nodded to the request, feeling a faint weight slipping away. He gingerly rested a hand against where Steve’s was, pressing the pads of his fingers along bandaging covering up bruised scabbed knuckles, mapping them absently, “Yes. I promise Stevie.” 

Slowly he moved his hand, cuffing around wrist and tightening around the bone as he laughed a little, almost absent like it was to himself, “So when are you getting your sorry ass up and cooking me food?”

Steve tilted his head back, raising a brow at the question, “You’re very demanding today.”

Bucky didn’t falter, opening his eyes and staring at him in all seriousness, “I’m always demanding. You don’t notice because most of the time you like it.”

Steve thought about the statement for a moment, concluding that this was most likely valid. He found answering Bucky’s wants and needs quite something he wanted to always do, something that pleased him. Still though, that didn’t mean Bucky could take advantage of it. 

His hand moved in closer, grabbing at cartilage above his earlobe and pinching firmly before he withdrew. Bucky immediately cried out in pain, hand cupping the tender spot, “Ow what the fuck Steve!” 

A punch flew into his chest as an angry glare was thrown in his direction, Steve laid on his back and pressed the blankets to his face trying to mute out his laughter, blue mischievous eyes not hiding a thing from Bucky. 

The brunette attempted to keep looking angry, his index finger sliding over the warmed spot at his ear, “Hate you.”

“There’s something new.”

“Damn right.” Bucky groused right back.

Pulling himself up to lean on his side, Steve reached over to press a finger under Bucky’s chin and the male pulled his head back and away grumpily. Steve only followed with his head to get eye contact until Bucky stilled, narrowing his gaze at him. 

“Hey,” He murmured low, changing the mood of their whole tone of conversation, “Do you want a big breakfast or just something filling? You haven’t been eating much lately.”

Bucky stared at him and everything melted away like it never existed, fingers brushing his friend’s arm always reminding himself every detail of Steve.

“Filling maybe?” 

Nanook started shifting in between them and wiggling into Bucky’s space for attention, effectively stopping their little interaction. 

Steve smiled, rolling off the opposite side of the bed and walking towards the door while he absently scratched his shoulder, “Take your time getting up or grab a shower while I figure something out, kay?”

Laying on his back, Bucky nodded at him watching Steve clap his hands together; Nook’s ears perked up and he hopped off the bed curious to see what Steve was offering. Bucky pulled the blanket over his chest giving himself a few minutes before he got himself up.

After a hot shower, Bucky took a couple of pain relievers for a light headache he was getting, looking over himself in the mirror with a towel sitting around his waist. He turned his face partially to the side, grazing the back of his fingers along his jaw. Steve had been right about the food thing, he ate and kept up with his supplement drinks but only went through it like a process, not a thing he wanted to do. 

His body didn’t look different, it wasn’t like it had been weeks that passed, only about three days but there was a difference he could feel to it. It didn’t matter too much with a good difference now, a little gnawing in his belly, a hand sweeping down to pat the flat of his stomach. He pinched a bit of skin absently like he used to do so many times before when he was younger, wondering if he was getting fat like his mother was constantly pointing out to him when he would eat something she disapproved of or telling others what he should or shouldn’t consume, sometimes blaming someone that maybe they were a bad influence like she was saying about Buna. 

He blew out a rush of air, pulling hands away from his body and shaking them lightly like he was trying to get rid of the bad impression. None of it mattered anymore quickly pulling on his jeans, a ratty Zeppelin t-shirt and his worn old dark blue sweater to hide his body away so he didn’t have to look at it anymore effectively shutting away insecurities for another day. 

He brushed his damp hair back to neaten it up and headed back out making himself walk directly towards the kitchen from the hall before he got anymore thoughts running amok in his head and he could see Steve whistling to himself while he was stirring around a pot of oatmeal, spoon lifted up to study consistency before going back in again.

Bucky had eaten it once before, prior to being sent away to Germany. Steve regaling him with a story about how his mother always made it just right and he swore it took him way too many humanly acceptable tries before he could perfect it just like she hers. When Bucky finally tasted it, he was glad it was something Steve stuck to working out, never tasting oatmeal so good before. He had missed it but never thought of a good time to ask for it again, and now Steve was making it again, focused and fond.

He pulled out two mugs, offering to help as he tilted his head to the blond, “Coffee?”

Steve was in a daze, lost in his head with his eyes occasionally looking out the window to the light flakes of snow not able to shake off this ongoing haze around him, around his whole apartment like he was living in a movie or some sort of dream state where him and Bucky were together and no one else existed. He snapped out of it when Bucky’s voice broke into it, startled a moment before he grinned, nodding to him, “Yeah, please.”

Steve observed Bucky’s movements like things were new and profound, he could _feel_ him being in a better state. It wasn’t absolute but it was an improvement settled into things like the small touches when Bucky made their coffee as he stood close and like he was recharging beside his company in worn familiar clothing like his blue sweater too big as sleeves tried to roll over his hands while he cut up orange sections and hummed to Eighties alternative rock playing out of his phone. 

“You good with just ma’s oatmeal?”

Bucky smiled at him, the worried almost dumbfounded lost blue eyes look slipping off Steve's features to smile back at him.

“Yeah please, I missed it.”

Steve brightened, ladling out portions into awaiting bowls. He picked up the first one with more oatmeal, Bucky peeking over at the small station of various toppings set up; brown sugar, cinnamon, honey, raisins, blueberries, banana slices and a small pot of something wafting heat on the back burner.

Without saying a word, Bucky quietly watched Steve choose between honey and brown sugar before taking a spoon of sugar, dusting it along with the cinnamon, a look of fixated determination across his features. He laid out a circle of fresh banana slices before he centered it with blueberries, topping it delicately with a gentle drizzle of warm cream. He picked up the bowl and rested it in Bucky’s hands giving him another smile, a wariness in his eyes and Bucky wanted to kiss him to assure him that everything he put in there made it perfect.

Instead Bucky cradled the bowl in his fingers, soaking in the warmth and gazing at Steve with his own smile, “Thank you Stevie.”

The color rose across Steve’s features, drawing his hands away and turning to put together his own bowl opting out brown sugar and cinnamon, replacing them with raisins and honey. Nanook fit as much of himself as he could between their feet under the table, half his body sticking out as he thumped his tail on the floor and chewed on a toy. Steve watching him as he sat himself down trying not to step on any part of the dog, “God, I shoulda known better than to get you a wolf as a pet.”

Chuckling, Bucky scooped up a spoonful and finally ate some, flavors mingling together in a wonderful harmony. The entire dish was warm and comforting, perfectly sweetened with just the right amount of creaminess. There was so much behind it and his stomach accepted it gratefully, settling him into this happy homely state of picture perfectness. 

“Good?”

Bucky nodded, mouth full and trying to stuff a blueberry into it at the same time while fighting spoon with fingers. Steve shook his head, taking another spoonful for himself. They completed each other without words, eating in agreeable silence with Bucky’s feet avoiding his new dog by coming up in Steve’s lap and toes tapped to the music on low. His smile was worth more than anything he could say, sunlight glinting off Bucky’s chain revealing itself from under the sweater collar too stretched out and wide. Steve was sure any moment now he was going to wake up, he wasn’t sure he wanted to anymore.

*****

Steve opened up his sketch book, waiting for Tony to come back from when he was called down to the labs. He had left Bucky with Nanook pretty soon after breakfast was finished and bursting his own little domestic bubble. Which, he shouldn’t have been thinking about in the first place.

Bucky shoo’ed him off the moment he mentioned Tony and offered to make plans to introduce his new friend to Lucky after reading something on the internet about Malamute’s not having the best relationships with other dogs unlike their temperament with humans. He called Natasha and she made it her job to collect them, already knowing about the dog anyway.

He flipped through pages only stopping at one his eye picked up as unfamiliar, peering at himself with back turned and bare while he slept. He glanced up to stare off thinking about when that could have happened, looking back down at the sketch. So much detail in the way he laid out and basking in barely there lines of faded sunlight bathing over his freckled skin. He was more than a little humbled by Bucky’s abilities, abilities he had no ambition on really showing to the world and though maybe for some people that may be considered a waste, Steve could see why Bucky much preferred to keep it mostly to himself.

Tony came back in a relatively good mood, grinning to himself and bragging about fixing something or other Steve wasn’t entirely sure of that was lost in technical jargon but he was glad for him. Smiling wide while he tried to put his full attention on him, closing his book and pushing aside concern for Bucky since he was good where he was with no reason for it to backfire on him. In all honesty it would be nice just to have a nondestructive evening with his boyfriend without the worry of arguing or emotional turmoil.

He watched Tony over the back of the couch, his hands undoing the cuffs of his sleeves and a few top buttons on his dress shirt making faces like he had been released from prison. He shrugged off his office jacket, tossing it absently onto one of the bar stools while kicking his shoes off on the way to mix himself something.

“Drink?”

Steve rose up and followed after him only so he could wrap his arms around Tony’s waist from behind, shaking his head politely but urging him to help himself. His boyfriend only pressed his back close against solid chest as he picked up a decanter of whiskey, adding a couple of ice cubes before pouring a generous amount of the amber liquid along with it. He took a sip, savoring it as he leaned in taking advantage of Steve’s support to really soak it in.

“Long day?”

Making a small noise of annoyance, Tony shook his head, “Long day doesn’t even cut it. Meeting after meeting after meeting. It’s like no one can operate without me there, which is ridiculous. What if I want a day off, they’re going to end up destroying the world without me.”

Steve chuckled, “I think you’re exaggerating just a bit.” 

“Maybe,” Tony replied with a lazy shrug. He took another sip, shoulders melting back against the body holding him, “Sometimes I don’t feel like I am.” 

“Hey,” Steve murmured, ducking down brushing his lips against the back of Tony’s neck. “I suppose I should offer to help you unwind, don’t you think?”

Tony leaned for more, a smile in his voice that Steve could immediately pick up. “Oh don’t sound like it’s going to be a chore.”

Chuckling as he nuzzled along the fine hairs at the nape of Tony’s neck, he gingerly stole the glass away from nimble fingers and rested it on the bar, turning him around to press their lips together.

The moment Tony kissed him back, all Steve could think about was how much he missed this. How it felt like it was too long ago that he last savored and enjoyed kisses like this even if he had only about five days prior. It was nice and insanely comforting, like _home_ where it always had been and the fog was clear. 

He planted hands on Tony’s hips, appreciating him and loving him as they kissed slowly like time had stopped just for them, tasting the smoothness of expensive whiskey on his tongue and something fruity, maybe blueberries, in the background. This was all Tony, open and honest. Steve missed him, pushing aside so much to care for Bucky and making sure he was safe, he missed how happy he was just like this with Tony in his arms, simple despite their flaws.

His hands shifted off Tony’s hips and slid downward until they were tucked just under his boyfriend’s ass, easily lifting him up and supporting the back of his thighs as legs wrapped around his waist not breaking the affectionate kiss they shared like a slow lazy afternoon while Steve led them to the bed.

Refusing to rush it, he even eased away from Tony’s absent attempts to shift their make out session to something dirtier, more tongue and teeth. At the bed, instead of laying his boyfriend out first, he sat himself down with Tony settled in his lap, hands pressed to the small of his back with a pleasant comforting weight at his middle. His mind drifted back to the numerous times Tony led the show, pushed him back on the mattress and clothes came off so he could take him as quickly as humanly possible and it was nice, it was good but tonight Steve was more inclined to lead and run the show. He wanted to put more effort into taking care of Tony, make up for lost time and the situations that arose.

Tony tightened his arms around Steve’s neck, breaking away from their kiss only to catch his breath, staring at darkened blue eyes with a small curious expression, “You’re all lovey dovey tonight. Who’d you murder?”

Steve laughed against Tony’s lips, pressing a light kiss to his bottom lip, “No one, I just wanted to do something for you. Make up for a lot of time, take care of us.”

Not waiting for any sort of response, Steve finished off undoing the buttons to the shirt Tony had been wearing, pulling it off his shoulders and casting it to the floor. His boyfriend flashed him a look of disapproval over handling nice clothing with such dismissiveness that only disappeared the second Steve pulled his own shirt off and while distracted was pulled back into kissing him, not wanting to leave much room for conversation but only a perfect little moment just for the both of them.

Lost in his head, he didn’t pick up exactly when Tony began moving of his hips, his body responding in time grinding against each other, slow and steady, as the room filled with the sound of their soft moans against each others lips. Tony gripped a hand to one of Steve’s shoulders as he held on firmly by the back of the neck with this other, pressing for more friction as they ground between layers and after a few minutes it was getting too much and not enough all at once breaking apart to strip away the rest of their clothes.

Directing Tony to lay out on his back once they were fully naked, Steve began leaving a line of kisses down his jaw and along the side of his neck working his way down his chest with a pace that made his boyfriend groan desperately for more. Steve paid some extra attention around hardened nipples, softly pinching and sucking at one and then the other as Tony arched beneath him continuing down his path to the small trail of hair just below his navel, nosing it adoringly as he glanced back up at the brunette.

“I love getting you like this,” Steve mumbled against skin, watching as Tony panted lightly, his eyes downcast and shaking his head in light disapproval. “Could spend all day on you like this.”

A hand brushed into Steve’s hair, petting through it softly as Tony smiled fondly at him, “I think the holidays are getting you overly sappy.”

Steve hummed a maybe, not in the mood to argue about it, nibbling at the sensitive soft skin just below his navel instead while putting his hand out without a word. Promptly the lube appeared in his hand, sucking bruises at Tony’s hip and along his outer thigh, one lone coated finger teasing around the rim of his entrance before pushing inside, easing in gradually. Soon he found what he sought out, Tony writhing underneath him the second he brushed against it, Steve nosing the crease of his hip as he smiled against his skin and hips pushed down for more. 

As much as Steve wanted to drag it on, he slipped a second finger just as quickly before Tony fussed knowing he was about to at the rate he was moaning and panting. He pressed a hand at his side, soothing his boyfriend gently to discourage the way he was trying to fuck himself on fingers. Steve hushed him softly as he pressed kisses up his aching cock, giving the crown of his head a few playful licks before Tony slapped at his shoulder in frustration.

“Steve!”

A little amused, Steve bit back a laugh, pulling mouth away as he teased in a third finger, stretching him properly and watching Tony drop his sweat misted head back against a bank of pillows, free hand gripping at one so hard Steve worried momentarily over it tearing and feathers getting everywhere. 

“Just get in there already or help me God!”

Snorting, Steve looked at him flippantly, “Because you believe in him.”

“Shut up..” Tony grumped out, grabbing one of the pillows and throwing it in his general direction, Steve withdrawing fingers and the brunette let out a helpless whimper at the loss. “..Just, hurry it up.”

The amusement across Steve’s face was hard to get rid of, pressing a kiss on Tony’s stomach then pressing a few more up his body as he shifted upwards and braced his forearm by his boyfriend’s head, “Fine fine, don’t get all bratty on me.”

Tony’s mouth twisted in a way where he was ready to shoot something else back because he had to get in the last word but the moment Steve moved an arm down between them to align himself he shut up quickly, hooking a leg just above the blond’s hip to press him closer and lean up for a kiss.

That perfect little moment pressed Steve forward, tongues dancing together as his ears picked up the sound of their breathing turning into moans. His cock sank in deeper until he finally bottomed out, fingers grasping at the sheets while Tony’s dug desperately into his lower back, heels of hands pushing him in for more. 

Steve kept himself still, bicep trembling as he forced his body to by sheer will, waiting until Tony made a frustrated sound to hurry it up, biting on his bottom lip in retaliation and it was then that Steve drew out only to thrust back in with a continuous fluid motion. Soon Tony gave up fighting for harder and faster and complied to steady and deliberate, moving together in perfect rapport with Steve. 

Tony rocked his hips in complimentary movement to Steve’s forward thrusts, large artist’s hands moving to push the back of his thighs towards his chest a bit more and soon they were flush together. Soon Tony’s ass pressed itself up against Steve’s thighs, the blond leaning over him a bit and letting his boyfriend adjust to the stretch as they both stopped to catch their breath.

“Hey,” Steve whispered out softly knowing he was smiling a little stupidly, head lost in the clouds as he traced the tip of Tony’s nose with his own, “You alright like this?”

“Yeah, yeah..fine..” Tony rambled, eyes half lidded as he tried to gather his wits about him. Steve could feel his boyfriend’s fingertips dragging up along his back, “Just feel good right now, but what’s with you tonight?”

Steve didn’t really know the answer, he just _felt_ like something sat unsettled in his head and he wanted to take care of Tony like he should have so many times. He shook his mind out of it, shifting his forearms a little practically folding Tony in half. Steve rolled his hips trifling the action just to ease him into it, groans filling the air, settling his weight over him, “Nothing, I just wanna do this okay?”

Tony nodded, staring up at him serenely, a hand gripping into his hair, “Sure, anything Steve.”

The pace proceeded in a slow, easy rolling of his hips, Tony’s eyes fighting him a couple times before he just let them close meeting each thrust with a movement of his own to drive Steve that much deeper and bring them as close together as humanly possible.

It was almost dreamlike and he could barely wrap his mind around their lovemaking in its entirety, Tony realizing too late at the way his fingers dipped in so hard he was sure he broke skin not that Steve made any effort to complain. The blond only continued moving in thorough, smooth undulating motions and Tony scrambled to keep him close and bury his face away into the crook of his boyfriend’s neck. 

Steve was so in love with the contact, like it was recharging him and he was soaking into how purely wonderful and gratifying it was like this, skin to skin. Tony’s loss for words leaving so much meaning behind but the moment his grip tightened and his breathing turned from ongoing mewlish moans to short pants he knew his boyfriend was getting close.

He shifted slightly, moving one of his hands so it slipped down between their bodies, leaning in and pressing closer staring into browns fighting to keep open, “You close? I wanna watch you enjoy it.”

Tony shuddered underneath him, arching for his hand, just too far away to reach and whimpering desperately for it nodding as the words finally soaked in, the bangs of his hair sticking to the sweat clinging across his forehead, “Yeah Steve, _yes..God yes_.”

He made another wrecked noise when Steve thrust harder, grazing against his prostate, groaning when he did it again and gasping for air like it was knocked out of him. 

Love and affection swelled within Steve’s chest, smiling softly as he brushed his nose along Tony’s, then across his cheekbone. He moved his hand lower between them, giving Tony’s cock a little squeeze before loosening his tight grip just enough to stroke him, catching precum across his palm as he began slow, smearing it along his dick as he picked up a moderate pace going with the roll of his own hips.

Steve couldn’t tell exactly what tipped Tony off the edge, his boyfriend at the brink of delusional and babbling Steve’s name when he even sounded coherent. It didn’t take long for Tony to cum, clutching tighter to Steve than humanly possible, skin stinging from exposed scratches and squeezing his snug heat around Steve’s cock, mumbling out curse words and something about God. He spilled between their stomachs, painting skin and over Steve’s fist.

Working through the orgasm, Steve continued jerking Tony off, hand slick making the process so much more filthy and fluid all the while continuing his thrusts through the tight ring his boyfriend made as he was being wrung out. He followed quickly after him and entire body shuddering to the climax that swept over him, dropping clumsily against Tony, arms holding him bundled close.

They wound down together, panting into the air and when Steve could finally get his wits again he carefully pulled himself out, gingerly rubbing and stretching Tony’s legs out again as he rolled himself over to lay beside his boyfriend. He found a shirt on the floor to cleaned up the mess between them, pressing a soft kiss against Tony’s sweaty temple.

Tony rolled to his side, closing in and fitting himself against Steve’s side, resting his head against chest, one leg draping over thigh. They laid there in comfortable silence, but with an absent light about it that maybe they both knew without either of them saying anything, the lingering suggestion that something was going to change between them from then on. It felt different, seemed different and even if they didn’t speak of it, they could both feel it in their own way.

Steve eventually took his eyes away from the ceiling, glancing at the mess of dark hair resting on his chest, “You alright?”

Tony turned his head, resting his chin on Steve’s pec after placing a kiss on the spot, an arm hugging him tight around the waist, “I’m feeling really good, needed that..though, I didn’t know I could bend that much.”

Steve couldn’t help the laugh that fell out of him, reaching out to slide his fingers through Tony’s damp hair, “I’m pretty sure there’s a lot of positions you could do that you didn’t know you could.”

Burying his face against Steve’s chest, Tony absently hummed, “Is that a promise?”

“Maybe.”

*****

Steve dressed himself, basked in the rays of soft deceptive morning sunlight, looking back to see Tony watching him in all his glory as he pulled his underwear back on followed by his jeans leaving them open as he tried to fix his unruly golden hair speckling bits of brown before he pulled on his t-shirt and zipped up his fly.

“You’ll be there tonight for sure, right?”

Tucking his hands behind his head as he rolled onto his back, Tony grinned outright, “I won’t miss it, coming back here after right?”

Steve nodded as he pulled his sweater on over his head, “Yep.”

“You’re wearing a suit right?”

Smiling to himself, gave him a teasing look, “You _know_ I am.”

“Great, can’t wait to peel that sucker right off you then.”

Chuckling as he shook his head, Steve leaned over at the side of the bed to plant a kiss to awaiting lips, “Likewise with whatever you’re gonna wear. I love you, see you tonight.”

Tony hooked an arm around Steve’s neck, pulling him in for a harder kiss and his boyfriend gave in for a few perfect moments before he gently pulled back and Tony was forced to begrudgingly let go. Steve pressed a kiss against his cheek, “Tonight Tony. I promise.”

He watched Steve pull on his coat as he left and call for the elevator before he dropped his head back into the pillows, “Too damn long of a wait Rogers.”

*****

Walking together side by side with Bucky, Steve approached his specific area sectioned off inside the gallery for his show and abruptly froze.

“Oh my God, how did that get here? Shit.”

“What?”

“Ma. I specifically told them to not take the paintings with the red stickers stuck to them.”

Bucky examined the light stain of glue residue at the top of the canvas, “Looks like it fell off before they even arrived. Seriously Stevie how many times I gotta tell you to quit buying shit from the dollar store?”

Steve, too upset to laugh, only rifled a hand through his hair, messing his swept to the side look as he glancing away in thought.

Bucky softened his expression, putting an arm around his shoulders, “Oh come on cheer up. It’s your big night and on New Years Eve!” He squeezed him gently, “Hey remember you get the final say. I made sure of that. You have lots of other pieces and she’s probably already tagged and cataloged. Let’s just enjoy your night and after we can tell them to cancel this one, alright?”

Raising his head, Steve’s face was too long for Bucky’s liking, “But Buck, I’ll have to pay a fee for doing that.”

“Nah pal, it’s taken care of. I told you before, I’ll look over everything.” He dropped his arm to turn before the blond, fixing the suit he came in wearing; smoothing out his tie and tidying up his hair again. “You just look pretty, mingle with the crowd and show them why Steven Grant Rogers is an amazing person. Okay?”

Blush rose across Steve’s face, his hands needing to busy themselves so they came up to mimic the gesture of fixing Bucky’s own tie, “I really don’t deserve a friend like you Bucky.”

The brunette rolled his eyes, “You’ll be okay Stevie, I promise.”

Both sets of arms returned back to each of their sides before Bucky looked at himself in some reflective bauble art structure at the side fixing bits of his hair with a frown on his face. It was hard for Steve to watch him sometimes, that Bucky tried his best even if he didn’t want to do something anymore, he would do it because someone needed him to and that he would follow people to the ends of the earth if he cared about them. That was Bucky, facing things and doing things he didn’t want to do for the sake of making sure someone else was okay and Steve’s heart pained over it.

“You hate this don’t you?”

Bucky didn’t turn back, “Hate what?”

“Being dressed up for all this with your hair slicked back looking like you just can’t wait to get out of talking to people you’ll most likely hate talking to.”

Turning back around to face him, Bucky flashed Steve a simple honest smile, “But I care about you and I care about our friends. It’s enough to keep me going for the day.”

Steve kept his gaze with soft grey eyes examining them in wonder of if there was something maybe more to it, some sign maybe that perhaps there would be some clue to it. What he got was nothing. Bucky’s gaze wasn’t giving the slightest bit of anything away except that affection he always had. No, if Bucky wanted to reveal more if he was hiding more, he was damn good at concealing it.

Bucky’s phone chimed and Steve watched as he pulled it out of his suit pants pocket to scroll through it. He glanced up, pensive and chewing at his lip, “Catering has an issue, which is..slightly annoying. I’m gonna have to get my driver over here and go check it out. Are you going to be okay here?”

Steve admired how determined Bucky was to be so hands on with all the arrangements, nodding to him, “Yeah I’m fine. The director, Ms. Foster is coming in a few. She said she wanted to make sure her assistants did a good job displaying the pieces so we’re going to go over that. Plenty of time.”

“Yeah right, famous last words before events. I should know. Anyway, you got my number so hit me up if you need anything. Fyi, my dad might pop in and see how everything’s going, please don’t start shit with him today.” 

Steve looked off like a scolded child, smirking to himself, “Fine with me unless he does it first.” 

Opening his mouth to counter the statement, Bucky took one good look and chose against it with a roll of his eyes, “If I don’t see you before five thirty, I’ll definitely be here right at or a few minutes after, not later. Okay?”

Watching his energy going up way too quickly, Steve grasped at hands slightly jittery in his grasp, “Breathe Buck, everything is fine. This is more than perfect, I just wanted my work seen and you managed that. Everything else doesn’t matter, it doesn’t have to be precise.”

Bucky let himself be held still, shaking out his shoulders and stretching his head back, moving it from one side to another with a couple of slow breaths. He let out a gentle exhale and nodded to his friend, “I know, I just pulled some cards to make sure of things and I just need it to be right, you know?”

Hands roamed up and down Bucky’s arms to soothe him, Steve stepping in close as he nodded, “I know but listen to me, try not to let yourself get wound up alright?”

Bucky raised a hand to the side of his neck, fingers lightly rubbing into skin looking rather unsure of himself, “Yeah. Okay.”

Steve squeezed his arms gently, giving him a sympathetic smile, “Look, I heard about the other two artists that are showing tonight, they seem really great. They’ll be here soon, we’re all going to focus on showcasing our work with the gallery director so nothing to worry about here. Any problem the catering have we can fix with cheese and veggie platters at the local grocery store okay?”

Bucky practically blanched at the idea of grocery store platters and Steve couldn’t hold back a laugh, cupping soft pink cheeks, “Believe me, no one would know the difference when you take them out and dress ‘em all up on a pretty serving plate, I’m serious Buck.”

To Steve’s relief he felt Bucky relax a bit, the brunette exhaling slowly and nodding at him, “Okay. Yeah, you’re right.”

He dropped his arms, switched it up a little by smiling teasingly at him, “Good because you’re my lucky charm tonight.”

Bucky’s brows slowly rose up in curiosity, that blush picking up around the rest of his face, “How’s that?”

Glancing down at his trimmed nails, Steve pretended like it was no big secret, “Well the way you flirt with everyone in the room and the cameras all the time, I would hope you’re always in my vicinity to keep me looking good for the show before they ditch me to just pay attention to you. When you’re about I’m the ugly friend that’s always in the snapshots, I can’t afford to lose you to the crowd. My first show’s going to bomb if I do.”

“Me? I don’t flirt- ”

Blue eyes peered up to meet his greys and the flush of pink darkened to a scarlet rose, lips pressing together in a pout. He only did things that were natural, maybe it was called flirting, _maybe_. Steve didn’t need to point it out in any case.

“You _are_ the ugly friend, saying asshole things about me.”

Steve laughed, so very perfect that Bucky struggled not to smile, he was trying to get his way here and he knew he was failing badly at it. He also realized that Steve was trying to make him happy again and his heart only beat a little faster.

“Are you gonna be mad at me now?”

Bucky tried his very best to keep his face serious, the corner of his lip still itching to smile, “Yeah, I wanna be mad at you.”

Steve stared at him and Bucky only met him halfway, reaching out to fiddle with his pocket square, “Your pocket square looks a mess, it’s like you actually wiped your face with it before shoving it in your pocket.”

“I did? Isn’t that what they’re for?”

“Steve, don’t make me madder at you. I swear..”

Looking lost, Steve pulled his head back so Bucky could fuss, pulling out the little bit of cotton fabric that was literally stuffed in there and sighed softly to himself as he folded it neatly and put it back into Steve’s pocket creating one strong point peeking out.

“There, better.”

“What if I wanna blow my nose?” 

Bucky glared at him, the blond trying hard not to laugh but it was hard when Bucky was trying to be so..precise, “I’ll murder you.”

Pulling him closer, Steve giving a light tug before arms engulfed Bucky from the rest of the world, he tilted his mouth by Bucky’s ear, “Just breathe Bucky.”

Bucky hugged him just as tightly, nodding against him and separating much too soon, both fixing suit jackets and straightening ties. His phone beeped again and his body immediately turned towards the door, “That’ll be my ride, “I’ll see you tonight if not earlier.”

“I lo- ” 

Steve startled immediately stopping himself and accosted at the fact he almost said what he could not say and Bucky glanced back perplexed, “What?”

“I’ll _look_ for you I mean, I don’t know I almost said I _lost_ you but hey you’re not lost. Must be my nerves, I can’t speak.”

Bucky smiled at him, “You’ll do fine Stevie. Bye.”

Steve kept his mouth sealed shut, giving him a short wave of his hand as he stood there and felt like his world was crumbling down around him, words strangled and blocked off inside of his throat horrified over how easily they almost escaped the second he let his guard down.

*****

Steve was nervously fixated on the portrait of Sarah when laughter further in echoed through the lofty space and he caught sight of the two other artists that were going to share the evening with him. Ms. Foster had pointed them out while they were getting their work hung up and he didn’t want to bother them at the time. Right now though looked like a great window to introduce himself, especially to gush over the photographs Peter took.

“Steve Rogers, nice to meet you.”

The brunette’s eyes widened when Steve approached holding a hand out. He immediately tore away from his friend to extend a hand and shake Steve’s after giving him an excited look, “Wow, just wow. I’m Peter. Parker Peter, I mean Peter Parker! I’m so honored to be showing with you. Really I am, your work, it’s just amazing. You have this eye for people, it’s this photographer thing I keep emphasizing on when I talk about taking a decent picture, you have it in your work. You _create_ it, that’s just- ”

His friend frowned, “Peter, let go of his hand.”

Steve only smiled, shaking his head in a way addressing he didn’t mind one bit.

“Oh!” Peter drew his hand away, wiping sweaty palms over his oversized sport jacket, “I’m so sorry, I’m just a little nervous right now and to be paired up with you of all people..”

Raising a hand to stop him, Steve shook his head, “No, no way. This is my first showing too, I know I’ve had some stuff up my personal website I don’t even update but this, all this is my first time and I’m glad I have two others with me up here because it’s a little scary I gotta admit. I’m more than happy to be alongside both of you, Peter your black and whites are really amazing. I would love to talk to you in depth one of these days about how you do it, I’ve always wanted to pick up a hobby in photography and you, Mr. Osborn. You have a talent I would love to use as another avenue of work, mine’s got a weird mood thing going on where yours is vibrant and bold, it’s constant.”

Harry smiled, shaking Steve’s hand when it was offered, “Please call me Harry, Mr. Osborn sounds so old and I don’t know what you see because I can say the same thing about your stuff. Sure it’s moody, but it’s really got a life of its own which makes your own work vibrant and bold I have to admit.”

Chuckling, Steve nodded in humble appreciation, “I guess we both see different things, which is the wonderful thing about art.”

*****

Steve was nodding to an assistant that was hanging up one of his older pieces near the window, watching the light just barely brush the gold framing he had attached it to years ago as he stood back a bit looking at it at an angle by the door to get the best view.

“That one’s been one of my favorites since it appeared in your portfolio snapshots.”

Steve paused, knowing that voice before he even looked over, George standing beside him with hands tucked behind his back while he stared off at the painting with a gentle smile.

Steve felt his jaw clench tight before he forced himself to relax, turning to look at his work, “Too bad not everyone agrees with you Mr. Barnes, I’ve tried selling that one before at a Farmer’s Market a few times, no dice.”

He chuckled softly beside him, “Wouldn’t be the first time a lawyer was told he was wrong.”

Nodding to his words, Steve stood in the awkward space wanting to walk away but not wanting to offend, not yet at least. He had told Bucky he wasn’t going to cause trouble but of everything he learned about George Barnes, Steve really had trouble keeping himself aloof about everything.

“You know my son.”

The statement appeared as random as the time they let tick by, George watching Steve adjust the canvas beside the gold framed one and work out if he wanted that one or the city street one that was leaning against the wall to the side to go up there instead before he broke into Steve’s focus a few minutes later and Steve tilted his head in a barely there nod with his brows raised, his hands slipping into his pockets, “I would like to think I do.”

George made a small clearing of his throat, “You know him more than I do. I try to know him, through methods he disapproves of, of course. We share the same last name, we look vastly similar of course. We can both be charming in our own little ways but that’s about where our similarities end. Where I make a living protecting a company that has an image to uphold by what some may say has less than scrupulous methods in their field, my son on the other hand prefers to play.”

Steve stared at the skyline painting beside the one he just fixed, warmth spreading through his chest, “James.”

“Hm?”

He tried not to grind his teeth, “He has a name. You make him sound like he’s an object.”

“Is referring to James as my son not sufficient enough for you Mr. Rogers?”

Steve made a fist in his pocket then loosened it, refusing to turn to face George, “Not if he’s spoken about like he’s something owned. He’s not your property, he’s your child. Your flesh and blood. Someone you love unconditionally no matter what. That’s what a real parent is.” 

Now the male turned his head, looking at the profile of Steve’s stern face, “You must have me confused with someone else. I love James. I would do anything to protect him.”

A small laugh slipped out of Steve, most of it wet and choked back but it came out nonetheless, the edge of his eyes moistened, tinting a soft red. He again refused to look George’s way, afraid of what he might see, “Yeah because hitting him, demeaning him and sending him away is _real_ loving.”

“You may not agree with my parenting methods but I solve problems, that is part of my job requirement. He needs to smarten up. I have no guilt in toughening him up if it means he takes over his inheritance without blowing it up and ruining his life. He’s an only child, we have no one else to hand everything down to and James? James wants to galavant himself into every man’s bed _especially_ with his mother’s best friends son much to her dismay and keep his head in the clouds. If he had siblings it wouldn’t matter but he doesn’t. Instead of putting any sort of focus on bettering himself as a sharp businessman he wants to play house with you or at that brownstone Natalia owns and pretends we don’t exist for the most part.”

“Funny that.” Steve practically bit out, feeling his jaw clench.

“It is actually. Do you know his net worth?”

Steve felt his face sour, “I don’t care about his net worth. I only care about him.” 

“You should. James is the sole beneficiary of a trust his late grandmother created for him before she passed away, he also holds equity shares with the family business. He was a multimillionaire before he entered high school. So you can understand why being the way he is, it’s a little unconventional for the stability of his future.”

Steve shook his head, Bucky’s warnings leaving his train of thought, “He’s just not like you or Mrs. Barnes or Hubbard whichever she calls herself half the time but he’s his own person. A _good_ , well meaning man with hopes and dreams just like anyone else. He doesn’t deserve to be pressured into something he doesn’t want to do, he deserves to learn and find something he would be happy in life doing. Not to be bullied into a family venture.”

“Is that what you think we do with James?”

Steve finally looked at him, dead on, “I do, honestly.” 

“We have never forced him to do anything he didn’t want to do.”

Folding his arms tighter over his chest, Steve tried to restrain the disbelief he felt, “You never had to. He’s conditioned to repeatedly attempt pleasing the both of you. That’s the thing though, isn’t it? He’s never going to win, he’s never going to receive that love and affection he’s been asking for his whole life will he? No matter who can give it to him, he won’t ever get it from the two people he wants it the most from.”

“You truly have a clandestine imagination, it’s good for an artist.”

Before Steve could stop himself, his anger flared and his mouth was moving, “It’s not me making up some imaginary situation, I’m not Bucky, you turning everything to make it his fault won’t work on me like it does on him. Bucky deserves to be treated better than how he is treated and I’m going to make it my job to protect him from everything you both try to do to him.”

Cold grey eyes scrutinized him carefully and Steve only held his head up, refusing to back down.

“If you assume you can weasel your way into my son’s confidence and take advantage of him, I'll show you just how protective of James I really am and make sure to destroy you in the process without making any effort to do so.”

Something suddenly broke in Steve, a fierceness in him coming alight at the assumption he would do anything malevolent towards Bucky. He would never intentionally hurt him, he would rather hurt himself than cause anything bad to happen because of him. His face shifted, flushed and angry, “I’d never, _ever_ hurt Bucky. There’s no way I would, he’s too- ”

He suddenly stopped when George’s posture suddenly shifted, more relaxed, shoulders straightening out and head drawing back as he watched him and suddenly Steve felt like he wasn’t in charge anymore..if he ever was.

A partial smile broke out across George’s face, Steve wasn’t sure whether it was surprise or amusement, “ _Oh_. I didn’t see that. I thought the paintings were just a study. I didn’t realize you _cared_ for James.” 

Steve floundered, heartbeat suddenly rising and beating hard in his ears, “I- Of course I care about him, why else would- ”

But it was too late, George was on him like a predator, “Oh no Mr. Rogers. Do not backpedal on my account. I had been so busy making sure my son wasn’t wasting his time with you and causing problems with Mr. Stark I never took into account how _you_ felt about James. Now it all makes sense.”

Steve looked away, mind scrambling to readjust its momentum, “I don’t know what you’re assuming.” 

“Oh come now, don’t be so modest. Are you hoping to be his savior? Is that it? Are you hoping he’ll see you in some different light and run away with you, from me? From his mother?” George stepped closer, lowering his voice, “Contrary to what you believe, there’s much worse things out there coming after James than me. Understand that Mr. Rogers.” 

Steve didn’t know what to say, trying to pace his breathing as he stared hard at the face watching him in amused interest.

“That was it, wasn’t it? You actually believe you can take James away from all this.” A sympathetic expression crossed Mr. Barnes face, a hand mockingly pressed against his shoulder in a vague attempt at consolidation, still keeping their conversation low and private, “You can try if you like. His friends have tried but keep in mind, the second I gave him any sort of approval he was practically signing himself up to take over the company. He’s always been a good son, he’s always going to stay that way no matter what you do. So Mr. Rogers please enjoy your evening because it's your night and your chance at being something more. James made sure everything was exactly right for you, just be careful not to let it go all to your head and remember who allowed you to be here instead of piddling away at that job of yours because I will take it back if I have to.”

Steve scoffed, dropping his head away as he opened his mouth to retort something and George only raised a brow at him when their gaze met again, “I assume with that reaction you misunderstand me, so I’ll make it crystal for you and speak in your language. I’ll take James away too. He’s still under my court ordered care and he has his freedom, do not force my hand. You think you have it all figured out don’t you? With one call I can close ranks and take him away from all of you, his friends will have you to thank especially Mr. Rumlow since he seems so keen and interested in having a private hour with you already.” 

He drew back, smiling calmly while Steve was struggling to not explode in the middle of the studio in front of a couple of customers and staff, “Hopefully I get to see you in a few hours during your unveiling, if not, you have a safe and happy New Year’s.” 

The second George slunk off in some fashion that was reminiscent of a stalking panther, Steve exhaled heavily feeling his shoulders deflating as he tried to gather himself together and refusing to hit his forehead over how so _easily_ he fell into what he could only see was a trap. No, that wasn’t correct. It wasn’t _entirely_ a trap as much as he turned it into a trap on himself. George seemed to be actually trying to extend some kind of strained partnership, if he could even say that much about it. He let his feelings and emotions take over all in the name of protecting Bucky and got shut down with no effort, he was so recklessly stupid.

He was lost in his head for a few minutes and didn’t even notice Peter approaching him slowly, a careful way about him and giving him a gentle smile, hopeful even. He knew the kid graduated high school last year but he looked so _young_ , fresh faced and ready to reveal the man behind the camera. He saw a little of himself in him even if they weren’t that far apart in age.

“Hey don’t feel too bad over Mr. Barnes. I heard he’s kind of a hardass but he’s just really all business.”

Steve gave him a forced smile trying to look as genuine as he could with it, no reason to rain on Peter’s special day with his problems, giving him a nod and a firm hand on a wiry shoulder, “Yeah, I’m sure you’re right.”

*****

Bucky was running late, one problem compounding after another but he managed to get it all fixed and smoothed out, picking Clint up on the way while Natasha was coming with Sam since she had to help him figure out what to wear to the little New Years party he was invited to straight after the showing.

That small little worry in his head came back again hoping everyone that RSVP’ed would show, he was sure they would having vague ideas about the types of people they were and who was connected with who. A good chunk from Tony’s camp of people from what was explained to him by his father, plus his father’s connections and then the art community of _whoever_ that Steve had easily drummed up himself once the extensions were made through the introductions he had done during the parties and wherever. 

Still, until he was back, he wouldn’t be able to let go of that nagging feeling.

Now he had directed his driver to pull into one of the spaces at the curb and he was out of the car, Clint rapidly following after him.

It was freezing outside, darkness quickly coming in as Bucky drew in a cold breath of air. Street lamps lit up the area with Christmas lights still strung around branches of small trees, storefronts open for business and awaiting customers. Sidewalks were full of people laughing and keeping a cheery atmosphere while engaged in boisterous conversation and bundled up with hot drinks. There was a buzz of excitement in the air for the upcoming new year and Bucky reveled in it, picking up his walk so he could get inside before Clint caught on and talked him out of it because he knew Clint would definitely say something.

The second he stepped inside though, he froze in fear because yeah, what was he thinking? This was a boyfriend thing.

Clint rolled his eyes the second he stepped in behind Bucky and soaked it all in, walking right into his back, “Barnesy. Flowers? Really? This is a boyfriend thing.” 

This was why Clint was his soulmate bff and no one could change his mind on the matter.

And yeah, he knew it was a stupid idiotic boyfriend thing, yet he couldn’t help himself and he couldn’t stop himself. 

He just stood standing in the middle of a flower shop that he forced his driver to pull over for, barely breathing and mildly overwhelmed at all the colors and arrangements until the girl behind the till finally took pity on him once she was finished with her latest customer and practically ordered him to answer her questions about colors and personality and ramble on about this and that as long as it was in relation to Steve.

In turn, Clint looked like he was in physical pain while it was happening and the girl broke out into a huge flower conversation the pair of them could only half follow.

Bucky brought his hands up suddenly to stop her from carrying on, “Wait, this is totally a bad idea.”

She stopped and looked at him, a little surprised, her face scrunched up a little and cheeks red. “To buy your boyfriend flowers?”

Clint snorted, already into the package of boxed chocolates that was on a display and vaguely gesturing at Bucky when he was given _the eye_ from said salesgirl as he sat himself down on a fold out chair.

Bucky shrugged with a half frown, leaning up against the counter, “Not my boyfriend.”

“Okay..” She glanced at Clint before moving to stand beside Bucky, turning to face him with an arm against the flat surface. “Crush?”

Bucky suddenly found the floor quite interesting, “He has a boyfriend.”

The salesgirl couldn’t help but laugh lightly, not in any condescending way but more of an understanding completely way gently nudging his shoulder with her hand to get Bucky to look up, a dust of blush across his cheeks. 

“You two friends?”

The words seem to pause him, gazing at her with a smile beginning to bloom, “He’s one of my best friends.”

She gave him a warm smile before turning to her plethora of flowers, folding her arms loosely across her chest, “Roses are too serious, maybe..an orchid? The Phalaenopsis is a good variety. You said he lives in an apartment?”

Bucky watched her curiously, nodding to her query.

She turned to a display of them on a pyramid stand, plucking a violet colored one dressed in a moss filled square glass vase, “Purple means admiration, devotion. You look like a guy that has both for his best friend.”

“I..” He closed his mouth promptly as he thought about it, “I really look like that?”

She smiled, pressing the vase in his hands, “I’ve been at this for a couple years. It might be my mom’s shop but you pick up how to read people when it comes to flowers and their expressions when you ask them to talk about the person. If that’s too deep, they can also signify dignity, tradition and success.”

Clint held up his phone displaying the time, “Buck, the lady knows what she’s saying and we have to get to the gallery.”

Bucky’s eyes widened, face flushing before he nodded to the darker purple orchid, “Sure, this is good. I’ll take it.”

The second they pulled up and Bucky stepped up in front of the gallery with orchid in hand, people inside already and a few minutes late after introductions, he began to have second thoughts. 

“Can I go home?”

Clint snorted, resting a hand at the small of his back, “We’re here, you did this for him. Let’s go inside.”

He was about to retort but then he saw Steve looking like a living Ken doll under studio lights in his damn suit and smiling like he was thrilled at whatever was being said as he stood beside Ms. Foster the museum director looking picture perfect in a smart below the knee slim fitting dress and a tablet in her hand. She gestured to a couple, introducing them and Steve put his hand out to greet them, everyone seemingly having a great time and he just looked like he fit there. Nothing like when he wasn’t sure what to say to get his foot in the door, here Steve was confident and poised, beauty in motion as one of his pieces was pointed at and he seemed to be glad to speak about it’s story behind the scenes.

Bucky didn’t know why he felt overwhelmed, a gentle tap of fingers to his back reminding him that Clint was still beside him ready to move when he was. 

“This isn’t high school Barnesy. You step inside, you give him his gift and he’s going to want you standing with him all night. This isn’t some party where he won’t notice you, everything has changed since then, let’s go.”

Was that all it was? Bucky wasn’t sure, drawing in a deep breath and slowly exhaling as they walked in through the door. He finally really looked at Clint’s purple dress shirt, black tie and dress pants smiling at him, “You look nice by the way.”

He smirked, pretending to fix his tie as he proudly held his chin up, “I was wondering when you’d notice.”

Playfully elbowing him, they followed a couple of people checking in at the reception area to have their names checked off and taking name tags for the evening as well as pencils to enter prices and tiny program books for little bits of further information on the works presented. The two other artists, the photographer Peter Parker and a pop artist that Bucky couldn’t remember the name of, Harry or something, stood side by side seemingly promoting each other around a group of people entertained by the pair of them. 

A quick look around the entire studio showed catering hadn’t botched up, a bigger crowd than he figured showed up and people were really interested in Steve’s work judging solely on the areas of where more guests were standing and discussing things while studying the works. Not that the other two didn’t have a fair share but Bucky felt a swell of pride that a good majority were interested in Steve.

When his eyes finally landed on Steve again, he was only left talking to the director, mouth running but blue eyes sweeping away from her and suddenly connecting with his; it was like everything else stopped around them both and Bucky couldn’t help but smile eagerly at him.

Clint took one look and grabbed a glass of champagne off one of the serving trays, leaning close, “You go make heart eyes, I’m gonna go find my girlfriend.”

A small noise of acknowledgment escaped him and his friend was gone, spying Natasha and Sam easily enough by Peter’s colored photos, Nat fixated on one in particular and writing a price down for it.

Steve was quick to dismiss Ms. Foster for the moment, quick steps leading him to Bucky and they were partially hugging each other so to avoid crushing the orchid, “I thought you ditched me.”

Bucky inhaled a nervous breath, holding the plant out for him immediately feeling the rise of color attacking his cheeks, “I’m sorry I was running late with some things and I got you a gift..for tonight.”

“For me?” Steve blurted out softly, taking the glass vase tenderly as he studied the violet orchid in amazement.

Shrugging his shoulders, Bucky tried to make it less important, “Yeah well, the girl said it signifies success and dignity which looks like both are going on for you.”

Steve examined the gift fondly, rotating the vase around in his hands, “Did you know the color purple signifies creativity and elegance too?”

Brightening a little, Bucky smiled with a raise of his brows, “Yeah?

“Yeah, kinda like you.”

Bucky looked away, straining to stop himself from outright grinning, “That’s for you punk, not me.”

Following his friend’s shying gaze with a playful smirk, momentarily biting down on his lower lip Steve nudged the tip of his shoe to Bucky’s, “It also means admiration, so I can’t help it.”

Their eyes met and Bucky was so very struck by Steve all over again, lips struggling to keep still and he shook his head, “Stop turning this all around and enjoy your gift.”

“Hey, I am enjoying it. I’m also enjoying the way you can’t take a compliment.”

Bucky tried to look bothered, glancing away from him to gesture to the crowd, “More people than I hoped for, looks good.” 

Lifting his shoulder in a shrug, Steve was lightly feeling out the petals of his flower, “I don’t really know anyone. Jane..Ms. Foster has been introducing me to people. I think most of them are Tony’s friends and your dad’s.” 

A nod confirmed Steve’s suspicions, watching Bucky wave to a few people before he turned back to him with a smile, “Means fat wallets either way.” 

“Would be nice, think the champagne is making people drunk though, I saw too many zeroes on a couple of the bigger pieces.”

Smirking with an all too knowing gaze, Bucky slapped him on the shoulder giving it a small shake, “Welcome to the world of not checking your bank account every day to make sure you got rent put aside.”

Steve smiled, “Still gonna do that anyway jerk.”

“I know you are, loser.”

*****

Sam glanced over to soft murmurs nearby, more than he was usually picking up, ignoring most of it to enjoy one of two skyline pictures of New York basked in the evening sky that he had seen Steve start on a while ago, catching the buildings in a fantastic mix of blues and blacks with the moonlight bathing a light silver tinge to everything. He smiled at it, lost in a feeling of pride that was deeply rooted inside of him especially when people would pause at pieces he was looking at and all he heard were light conversations of how much they enjoyed this or that about it, all compliments he already knew about Steve’s work but was pleased others were beginning to notice too.

He sipped at his champagne moving on to the next piece having to gingerly weave through the small gathering around it spotting red hair near the front, “Hey Clint, Nat. Geez this one must be good, had to get around people- ” 

Clint stood there with his mouth gaping open, Natasha was fixated on the work with a smile on her face that was too simple and too complex all at once, a hand resting on her chin, she didn’t look over, “Look familiar?”

Sam glanced over at the painting and almost mimicked the same reaction as Clint, his fingers gripping tighter to his glass so he didn't suddenly drop it, “Oh. Wow. Okay then. Did you guys know about this?”

“Of course not, do you think I would have kept something this juicy from you Samuel?”

Sam knew he probably shouldn’t be staring but Natasha was, and Clint was practically comatose, “Maybe if you wanted to selfie my reaction face then maybe, but in all honestly. Wow. I just can't..is that really Barnes?”

Clint coughed, most likely from choking on his own saliva and Natasha only smiled wider, Sam was sure she was creating her own story to go with the handiwork.

“Do _you_ think it's James?" Natasha asked, keeping her voice calm and neutral.

“That can't be a model that looks like him, can it?” Sam was sure it wasn't but he wasn't sure if it should be allowed to be true.

Clint only stared harder, his brows bunched furtively, tilting his head to the side as if to change perspectives and see if he saw something else, he wasn't sure of what.

“No, that’s definitely Bucky.”

“Wow.”

There were two companion pieces side by side of Bucky, one of him laid out and tangled in sheets around his waist while his upper body was without a scrap of clothing. The piece Steve had started sketches on the week or so ago when he was asleep and it perfectly captured that vulnerability Bucky had, unguarded and evidently feeling safe where he was. The other was oddly more intimate, if he could say that, sheets wrapped around again like the other but this time he sat one the edge of the bed with hands tangled together and head turned, lost in thoughts. 

_Bucky posed for these?_

“Hey guys, how are you all holding up?”

The trio finally managed to take their eyes off _Naked Bucky_ in lieu of a better name, even though Steve had titled one _Icarus Fallen_ because Sam had no idea why, though he felt like Natasha did, hearing her muttering lightly that it seemed appropriate and Steve had arrived before he could even ask what she meant.

“Um, Steve? Really?”

Steve could only give him that deer in headlights look and Sam only impatiently gestured a flattened out hand at the painting, “Not going to tell your friends privately, you just wanted to announce it to the world instead?”

If Steve could look any more confused, he just did it, “What are you going on about?”

Before Sam could strangle his best friend because that’s really what he wanted to do right then he was sure his boy wasn’t that dim, Natasha tugged at Steve’s arm lightly to redirect his attention, “Sam wants to know why you didn’t tell us James was posing naked for you.”

Clint grabbed a waiter going by with deviled eggs, taking a napkin off the small stack at the side of the tray and stockpiled as many as he could on his palm before he would finally release the poor guy.

Steve glanced at Clint, then at Nat, then gestured helplessly at Sam, “Because he’s not. He just poses for me.”

“Is that what you call it?” Clint retorted back with a mouthful, Natasha giving him a look that caused him to snap his mouth closed and stop chewing entirely.

Steve looked around the room for Bucky, spying him at the far end where he was talking to Jane, the both of them looking over the catalogue book. He turned back to his friends, “Look, I know you all mean well but really he’s not, okay? He knows about these pieces, don’t make a big deal out of it and I really feel like he is a muse for me. He makes me want to work and create things and,” Steve scrubbed a hand over his face with a soft sigh, making sure Bucky was away from earshot, “And yeah I’m stupid for letting it happen because yes, I am absolutely and utterly into it like it’s a necessity and all he cares about is me succeeding. We have a good balance like this, please none of you scare him off.”

Natasha only shrugged, giving Steve a teasing wink as she slipped her arm around Clint’s and they went off on their own to the next painting.

“Steve, he’s clearly nude in these.”

“I swear. He wasn’t when I sketched it out. In both he was wearing sweatpants, I asked him if I should keep them as they were. He told me to do what felt right. He loves Icarus, I made him Icarus.” He pulled out his phone, swiping through pictures until he showed him the original poses clearly showing sweatpants, “See? He wasn’t naked.” 

“You painted the guy you’re crushing on naked, that’s what you did.” Sam bowed his head close, practically hissing it out, “Tony’s going to freak when he sees them.” 

“I did not and I warned Tony that there would be pieces with partial nudity and that when they modeled they were clothed. He remembers the one I did of you last year. Look over to the side, there’s a Tony Stark all sweaty with grease smudges and working with no shirt on. He knows what I do. Sam, Buck has sheets on and it’s artistic, people like it!”

Sam rolled his eyes, “Because they don’t know better, because Tony has to ‘suck it up’ as you always say. They don’t know you wanna get with this guy. _I do_. What is Tony going to do later?”

“He _should_ know better. This is my work Sam, it’s not me making excuses to paint Bucky or anyone else naked.”

Sam groaned, rubbing a hand over his face and smothering the sound against his palm, “I’m just talking to a Goddamn wall, aren’t I?”

Steve gestured to a painting of Pietro sitting naked in a single chair posed sideways with an arm draped over the back and his forehead resting against it, “Piet was fully clothed when I did that piece, wearing a tank top and shorts back in the summer. The only person who ever modeled naked for me was you and Tony, my boyfriend knows that. I don’t think I should restrict myself because he can’t handle it.”

Sam glanced at the twin paintings warily before turning back and sighing, “I really hope you’re right Steve. You told him Bucky specifically is in your collection going up right?”

Steve nodded quickly, “Yes, I listed off all the model pieces and who they were, as well as the portrait works and the cityscape pieces. He knows everything going up tonight except the one with ma. There shouldn’t be any surprises for him.”

“I hope you’re right Steve, I really do. I just..and this is me just being real honest here but, I really don’t think this will be as easy as just telling him. If I didn’t know any better I’d be thinking you’ve been professing your love to your muse, that pond one even, don’t get me started on the one black and white one of him in his leather jacket, I know you have one at home of him in the rain and probably numerous others you’re hiding away.” Sam gestured to the four paintings, “I hope at least those are the only ones.”

Staring at him for a long moment, Steve suddenly sighed and nodded, “Yes, up for sale, only those ones of Bucky. I know what you’re saying. I’m not turning a blind eye and no I’m not silently professing my love. I get how he feels but Bucky is in my work and I have to admit that he brings out this different element out of me, makes me feel better working on this stuff. It’s not me just wearing rose colored glasses about it, I really feel that way.”

Sam had to admit that at least that much was true, Steve seemed to somehow bring out a new life with Bucky as his inspiration. Humans looked like they were hiding away their own wonderful little stories, facial expressions were soft yet harboring such strength while environmental and architectural pieces where reminiscent of photographs taken with amazing attention to detail. Several of his smaller, older -thus cheaper- pieces were sold already at suggested pricing and an hour hadn’t passed yet. The bigger ones were pushing in triple zeroes that Sam definitely couldn’t afford but he did manage to snag one of the lesser priced paintings of the Hudson before another person even with Steve griping about Sam deserving to get it for free when he found out.

He rested a hand on his friend’s shoulder, Steve looking back at him carefully sipping at a flute of champagne, “Just, be prepared for later. I want you both to have a good New Years, okay?”

Steve knew that was code for don’t start a big fight and act like a dick, he knew the code well and generally didn’t listen to it. This time however-

He nodded, “I’ll listen and handle it with a level head. I promise Sam.”

The brunette smiled at him, “Good, now I see a lovely blond lady on that wall over there and someone specifically told me that she wasn’t on sale, how did that happen?”

Groaning, Steve let out a sigh as he approached the piece across the studio with a shake of his head, “The shippers packed it and I was busy in my room with my suit. I had stickers for the ones not being put up. I’m sure you can guess what happened.”

“Cheap stickers?”

“Cheap stickers.” Steve confirmed with a sigh, “Bucky got it marked up to double the suggested price when I said it was okay, I can always do it again. It’s just art right? I have a lot of pieces with ma, I can try to sell one and anyway- ” Steve abruptly stopped mid-step and stared at the corner of the painting, his ma looking back at him with blue eyes peeking over one shoulder and staring into him, a sold sticker marking the piece over the price card. “Oh my God..”

Sam’s brows came together in concern, hand pressing against Steve’s shoulder, “Steve? You okay?” He routed his friend to sit down on one of the leather benches in the center, “Come on big guy breathe. In and out, relax. Like you said, you can always paint it again right?”

Glassy eyes peered at Sam, “Yeah, I’m just..shocked? Who would..I don’t think I was ready for that.”

*****

Bucky stood by the small little snack table when Jane excused herself to help some buyers with some questions. He was turning to see how Steve was doing but a little while after Sam was alone with him, Tony came in fabulously late getting greets and a small applause like he had done something more than just walk through the door. He tried hard not to roll his eyes, focusing on the cheese plate and holding back an urge to stuff all of it into his mouth at once. He missed his dog, watching from the corner of his eye as Steve and Tony embraced and took a few pictures together complete with Harry and Peter with them.

His father, staying back with relative lowkey, was invited by Jane’s encouragement to take a picture with them for the local paper and he didn’t miss the way Steve’s body language turned defensive.

Bucky focused back on the food, scanning over and bypassing strawberries and apple slices before popping one of the cubes of cantaloupe into his mouth suddenly feeling a light hand rest on his arm. He startled, turning his head to the side to see Jane looking up at him apologetically.

“James? Do you mind joining us for a picture?” 

Trying not to choke on the fruit, he saw everyone looking his way and he forced himself to swallow it down, stuffing hands into his suit pockets as he nodded before joining her in the walk back to the group. He plastered a polite smile across his face, taking his spot beside his father, George’s hand resting on his shoulder and he automatically stood straighter as he widened his smile. Jane placed herself at his father’s other side, Harry, Peter and Steve all gathered in the middle then Tony and a pair of organizers for the gallery taking the end.

He wove around guests and out the side alley door the second they were finished, desperately in need of air and to get away from Tony’s existence, wandering a hand into his inside suit pocket to pull out a pack of smokes and a lighter. He lit one and took a slow drag just to calm his brain down, leaning along the brick wall and flicking ashes away. 

“You don’t have to stick around you know. He’ll understand if you duck out.” 

Bucky opened his eyes to see Natasha standing in the doorway giving him an understanding smile. He immediately snuffed the smoke out against the brick, waving his hands around to get the smoke to disperse faster and she only stepped closer to slip her arms around him, hugging his frame close to hers.

“I know you want to be here to make sure everything is going according to plan but Jane Foster runs a very organized tight ship, she’s got this. Your father is here too, you know he won’t jeopardize anything for Steve when he’s getting a cut. And Tony isn’t going away until the show finishes up.”

Bucky grasped at things to say to counter her but his brain balked at the idea, the concept of going back to the brownstone and play with the dogs plus get an hour or two of quiet before everyone showed up for the fireworks show seemed like such a better idea.

Caressing his cheek affectionately, Nat studied him, “You’ve had a stressful week James, go home. Spend some time with the dogs, get out of your suit and into something more comfortable. We’ll be home in a little bit, alright?” 

Wanting to argue it, Bucky lingered about but Natasha turned him around and sent him on his way. 

“Go.”

Glancing over his shoulder, he slowly began walking out towards the street with his phone out, “You’re bossy.”

She didn’t answer him, Clint and Sam peeking their heads out as she gestured for Bucky to keep walking. The three of them eventually watching him turn the corner in the opposite direction of the storefront, phone to his ear.

*****

Surrounded by a pair of sleeping dogs and Clint on the armchair napping off all the snacks he ate at the gallery, Bucky smiled at the early New Year’s greeting Steve had sent, saying something about wrapping up everything and heading off with Tony. He was gazing at it for too long before finally he sent a similar text back and beaming over it. Even if he wasn’t here with him it was okay, it was alright to wish he could have shared some sort of kiss with him, just on the cheek at least just to wish him well in person but Bucky knew better. Knew what to expect and it was all Tony, he got that.

His eyes dropped back on the text, still..

At least Steve didn’t grill him for bailing out, he wasn’t sure if he should already feel as bad as he did, he couldn’t have handled perceiving that Steve was disappointed in him on top of it.

He turned to a knock at the door, delicately moving off the couch without disturbing Lucky or Nanook much, shuffling over to open it and surprised to see Johnny at the other end, “Hey, what are you doing here?”

“You invited me, remember?”

Chuckling, Bucky nodded and moved out of the way, “Of course I remember but you had about three parties lined up and we have a dry get together going on. I figured you would know which one was the loser party.”

Johnny stepped in, sweeping an arm around Bucky’s waist tugging him in as he kicked the door closed with his shoe, “I am, after midnight though. That’s when it all starts really. I figured if you’d let me I’d steal a kiss from you before I did though unless,” He peered around, “Your boyfriend isn’t here, is he?”

Bucky shook his head, reaching over to brush his fingers along the soft fuzz of hair along Storm’s head, both dogs appearing and eagerly awaiting Johnny's attention as they rounded him, “Steve’s with Tony tonight.”

“Well his loss my gain right? Wait, what’s that?”

“Wha- ?”

Tugging at the thin ball chain around Bucky’s neck, Jo revealed the keys out from under the black t-shirt.

“Found a place?”

Flushing red, Bucky took them and tucked the set back under his shirt, “No. They’re..Steve’s keys. For his apartment and the front door. He put them on a chain and told me to take them. I couldn’t really say no.”

“Wow, putting keys on a chain. That’s like boyfriend stuff.”

“When I come over to your place you have a front desk clerk or the door man holding a key card for me to get in, it’s not a boyfriend thing.”

Johnny only smirked, “He’s so into you Buck.” 

Before Bucky could even say anything, he turned his head to footsteps arriving towards the door and a quick knock before Jack opened it and stepped in with Brock behind him. Johnny taking the moment to eagerly lean over and pet both dogs trying to jump up against him.

“Hey you two.”

Johnny brightened, “Hey guys,” He spied the pair of green bottles with gold foil in Rumlow’s hands shaking a playful finger at him, “Hey hey no alcohol tonight!”

The male rolled his eyes, raising one up to show the image of apples across it, “I know dumbass. It’s sparklin’ apple juice.” 

Turning to Bucky, Johnny put a hand on his hip, “And that’s why I’m going to get wasted once I’m out of here.”

“And you get laid. Before and then after you’re fuckin’ drunk.” Brock shot out, walking past them to the kitchen.

Bucky rested his hand on his chest in mock surprise, “Excuse me, I’m not _that_ easy.”

It was Jack’s turn to roll his eyes, picking up a cracker from a platter of snacks.

“Jack!”

He held his hands up in surrender, “Hey, I didn’t say _anything_!”

“Yeah well, no offense Bucky, but you're kind of a slut.” Clint informed from the living room as he tried to rub sleep from his eyes.

Bucky nodded thoughtfully, “Well yeah, that’s true.”

Coming down the stairs with a pair of throw blankets in her arms, Natasha sighed making herself known, “Don’t pick on each other.”

“He wasn’t pickin’ on ‘im, you know those two ain’t gonna watch the fireworks. We know where they’re goin’.” Brock muttered out, looking up towards the second floor.

Johnny grinned, popping a piece of cheese into his mouth as he leaned in against the counter and Bucky only made a face.

“Mhm, and you’re not going to go sit in the basement with Jack instead of with Clint and I?” Natasha softly questioned.

“Hey hey,” Brock protested, giving Jo a glare when he tried muffling a snort with a hand pressed over his mouth, “Ain’t no one else gonna sit with ‘im and that’s _if_ I go down there.”

Jack put his hands up, “No one needs to sit with me, I’ll have some music and Lucky’s going to be there with me. I’m pretty good with that. I just want to see the pictures after.” 

“Well, that’s why I got some extra blankets,” She dumped them on the couch, “Use them if you like. Clint and I are going to the park for the little show, whatever any of you do please be mindful of the noise level..Johnny.” 

Brock busted up laughing and Storm shrugged helplessly.

“Hey, I can be discreet.”

“Yeah, as fuckin’ discreet as a car al- ” 

Jack put his arm around Brock’s neck slapping a hand over his mouth, “Let’s go sit Brock.” 

He nodded to his friend but wiggled his way out of the hold and turned to grab Bucky by the arms, examining him closely before pulling him into a crushingly tight hug, “I love ya Kiddo.”

Bucky hugged him back, sheepishly smiling, “Brock you did your death crushing hug when I brought my dog over. I promise, I’m fine.”

Drawing back, his friend cupped his face, staring hard at him before he leaned in and pressed a kiss at his temple. He nodded to him, smiling lightly, “I know but I stressed about it all the same. Give me five minutes with that fucker..” 

“Rummy, he’s in the hospital- ” 

The brunette waved him off, “Yeah yeah, I heard Rogers jumped ‘im, still what I would give..”

Johnny smirked, “I’m pretty sure Steve made sure he crushed his dick with what? About over two hundred and fifty pounds of pure muscle.”

Watching all the guys sigh out briefly at the thought, Natasha mused to herself as she picked up the green bottles of juice, “I told you Steve’s a good guy, Levka.”

Brock only smirked as he brushed fingers through Bucky’s hair focused on him and giving him another hug. Jack watched them and supposed as long as Brock wasn’t countering with an insult, it was a victory.

*****

Tony waited for him as Steve bid farewell to the last few lingering guests, shaking hands with Peter and Harry as they made their way out and only Ms. Foster and one of her assistants were left wrapping up sales totals and making sure everything was in order.

Steve took a look at the painting of Sarah one last time, a hand approaching him with a gentle touch, “You can still say no Steve.”

Turning to see Jane beside him with an expression of understanding, he looked back at the piece and shook his head, “No, it was my fault she arrived here in the first place. I’m not starving for money but if someone wants it so badly, I’m thinking it wouldn’t be that bad. She can be known to other people, and I have to let go, even if it’s a tiny bit at a time. It’s just one of my favorites, you know?”

“I know. I’ll mark it as sold, you have my number though, if you change your mind between now and nine in the morning, leave me a message and I’ll cancel the payment. Alright?”

Steve nodded, shaking her hand with both of his, “Yeah, and thank you for all of your help. I definitely wouldn’t have learned a thing or two about selling myself here if you didn’t help. I’m happy putting my work in your capable hands Jane.”

She smiled up at him, “I’m just happy to help you Steve, have a great New Years.”

“You too.” 

He watched her return back to her assistant and he turned to look outside, Tony on the phone while his car sat at the curb with the engine running quietly. Steve couldn’t help the fact that he noticed Tony tense, if only a little, as the evening carried on. He wasn’t sure what exactly it was but he wasn’t sure if he should ask him about it. Tony was fine when he saw Bucky’s pieces and everyone else modeling for him, and when he couldn’t find any sign of Bucky, Sam had let him know he had taken off for the evening and wished him luck. In a way he felt bad but he knew him enough to know he was going home to play with dogs and that may have been a better plan in everyone’s minds in all honesty.

Still, he couldn’t shake off the feeling that something was off about Tony. 

They rode together with barely a few words, his boyfriend’s face buried in his phone and Steve looking out the window. He supposed they were both tired, a long day for both of them and when they arrived to his floor he pulled his own phone out to send a few wishes out to friends on top of a thank you to Bucky.

Barely ten minutes went by when a voice cut in, “When are you going to take your eyes off your phone?”

Steve’s head snapped up, “What are you going on about? It’s New Year’s, people are sending me messages. I just had a show, people are contacting me about it.”

“Oh _yeah_ , the show.” Tony tugged off his tie, tossing it against the coffee table in frustration, undoing a few of his top buttons.

“What’s that supposed to mean? I thought you were perfectly fine with everything that was going on.”

“Nothing.” Tony huffed out as he put his hands up in vague surrender with a shake of his head, “Just nothing.”

This was getting ridiculous, Steve refusing to take his eyes off him as he pulled off himself off of leaning against the bar just staring at his boyfriend in frustration. He had no idea what his issue was, it wasn’t like Tony seemed excited to shine a light on it.

“Tony..”

Tony only waved a hand absently, turning his back to Steve and undoing cuff buttons on his dress shirt as he perched himself down on the end bar stool, “Forget it, I’m just tired..”

Pursing his lips together, Steve rounded him, standing in front but not in his space. 

“Tony just, just talk to me! You can’t just bottle up your feelings, this is why we’ve been fighting so much.” Steve threw his hands up in frustration as he abruptly began pacing around in an erratic line, “Either you, or I have something to say and we never say it until we’re angry and upset and it festers and I can’t Tony! _I can’t_! We can’t do- ”

“You’re right Steve, we can’t!” Tony burst out suddenly, standing up and stepping forward with hands balled into fists before him but he only inhaled deeply and suddenly shook his head, deflating his shoulders, looking away and out at the glittering lights of the city. More lights than usual because it was New Years Eve and they shouldn’t be doing it this way and yet-

“Tony?”

A pained look crossed Tony’s face, darkening his expression exponentially as he turned back to look at Steve and squaring his shoulders before lifting his chin slightly, oddly calm in storm ridden dark eyes when it all came to a head in his mind. 

Steve only looked at him warily, his eyes cautious but concerned for him.

The clock said there was time, time before Tony was responsible for ruining something special for Steve, something that _he_ saw special the moment Steve came into his life. He didn’t want to be responsible for ruining this but he was good at breaking things, it’s maybe why he wanted to fix them so much. 

He refused to destroy New Years.

“I think..” He paused, staring away at the shine of Christmas lights dancing along the marble counter, his jaw tight as a weird bitter taste entered his mouth, “I really think we used each other Steve. I really do,” He drew in a steady controlled breath, words running through his mind and trying to present this as calmly as possible. Steve only stared back at him in shock, in surprise, frozen in place and Tony was sure he didn’t know what he was hearing, not yet at least. 

Tony tried to quiet the images flashing up in his head, the closeness, the touches. The way they were together, he _tried_. Tried so hard but Steve was so damn bullheaded and righteous. It wasn’t then that gave him away, not when he argued stubbornly that Tony overreacted, no. It was in the brush strokes, lovingly smooth and detailed, so much _care_ with Barnes, inner secrets spilling across canvas and spelled out in paint. Steve had no idea how he spoke through his art, it was a joke between them they shared with Sam and some friends. Could tell when he was angry, when he was happy, saw when he struggled, when he was in pain. All Tony saw when he stared at Barnes was love, pure and unrelenting. Never a hesitation in his strokes, confident and blatantly broadcasting his emotions for all to see. This wasn’t just some fantastic show of the artist and his strong bonded friendship with his muse. This was Steve professing his love. This was Tony being told open and honestly that he had lost Steve a long time ago, and maybe, never had him in the first place.

“..There wasn’t any malice or goal to hurt each other. You were just one of the first people that were good and believed in me aside from Rhodey and Banner, and I needed that. I know I love you but I honestly think it’s beginning to lean towards something unhealthy, like an ownership and I was getting jealous and angry. That’s not right. We had a good thing going, we worked before. With my hectic schedule, with my life always upside down and you seemed happy, content with how everything was going. We made that work for us, but I thought about it long and hard for the night, in those pictures you painted,” Brown eyes stared into blues, Steve shaking his head absently and it hurt Tony, it hurt _so much_. “I don’t think I can make you happy sweetheart.”

Steve opened his mouth to say something but Tony gestured softly for him to wait so he could continue, “I think you saw me and you wanted to save me. You’ve always been that type Steve, always have to be the hero of the story. After your mom passed away you lost a big part of yourself but you’re still that guy. I believe we both turned to each other for, not on purpose, selfish reasons. We made each other feel better, don’t you think so?”

Opening his mouth to counter the observation, Steve closed it again, guilt all over his face even though he was still shaking his head like he couldn’t accept what Tony was saying.

“And Barnes. Steve, it isn’t just the now with him. You think I don’t remember high school? Maybe it was the last year, maybe we were so busy talking about everything ahead of us with all the guys but we were all changing in our own ways. You weren’t going to shoot for the football scholarship because you wanted to pursue art, it was the year you really understood your sexuality. I was trying to drown out the fact that I was hiding behind school so I didn’t have to focus on SI. I had Rhodey and Banner at least. Odinson was moving to go to school in another state and so was Lang. At least there was Wilson but your mom was getting sicker and then you met Barnes. The art student you were crushing on before you even knew it was him thanks to that piece on display in the arts case. I knew, it’s why I was always teasing you about it before we got together.”

Tony glanced up at the ceiling, taking in a deep breath as he paced around trying to grapple his words, a short chuckle slipping from him, “I knew when you had your eye on someone, you’re so obvious. You become a literal puppy and then we had that serious talk and the thing with Sharon. Suddenly you just changed your mind.”

Steve shrugged, voice soft, “It had nothing to do with changing my mind about Bucky, I just screwed it all up. I got nervous, we talked about spending time in the summer and I screwed it up.”

Tony stared at him, listened to the way he was talking, a sad smile drawing across his lips as he watched him staring away lost in the memories of the past, holding them like they were so important to him.

“You regret it every second of the day, don't you?”

Steve startled, turning his head to look at Tony. He opened his mouth to backtrack but his boyfriend only shook his head at him as he sat down against the couch, drumming fingers along the arm, “Don't lie anymore Steve. Not to me, not to yourself. No one. I was getting the impression when things started coming together like little parts in a machine, I was always second place even if you didn't know it.”

Shaking his head, Steve approached Tony to sit beside him, resting a hand on his arm. Tony remembered the last time Steve attempted that, the time before that when he was upset and they fought about Barnes. It was like an instinct to throw up walls and become defensive while Steve tried understanding but was also stubborn to the end, tired of things but he never backed out of a fight, standing on the path of righteousness. 

They would say things sometimes they didn’t mean, false threats and angry words spilled out accidentally but they would always take it back, promise never to mean it. He didn’t feel bitter or angry right then that shallow feeling when Steve tried to right the wrong and Tony felt like he was being invalidated when all Steve tried was to diffuse it. No, those negative thoughts hadn't set in yet. Instead he felt like this was the route he should have taken a couple of months ago even if it was going to hurt like it already started to. The epiphany that was obvious to everyone but the two standing in the room.

“Oh Tony no, I love you. When we kissed that first time, I made the choice, I had feelings for you. It was all me, no facsimile, no settling. Nothing. Maybe a part of me did want to save you but I genuinely wanted to have a life with you..”

Tony looked at him, sharp and fierce, and a vague feeling of surprise because Steve was still trying to salvage. He took the hand at his shoulder, sympathetic because he knew what he was feeling, trying to suppress the tremble in his hand. Unhappy it was coming to this, but Steve was right, not anymore. They couldn’t. It was getting way too much for both of them and for everyone involved.

“Tell me Steve, tell me the truth. The Goddamn honest _truth_. Can you absolutely, one hundred percent, stand there and look at my face and tell me you’re mine. Can you?”

Steve opened his mouth, words saying _yes, of course I can_ stuck in his throat, thick and heavy as Tony’s eyes bore into him, desperate and upset.

No, he couldn’t. Steve couldn’t because he knew, no matter how badly he wanted this to end with them still together, he was never entirely Tony’s, he was always some part Bucky’s. 

The moment their worlds collided, Steve gave in to Bucky, and neither knew it. He didn’t know how much Bucky had invested in him back then, but Steve lit a torch for him which he tried locking away and hiding quickly after he washed his number by mistake. It wasn’t in the cards for them back then but it was too late to take it back.

Because it was who he fell for and was never going to let go, no matter how much he tried to bury the truth, hidden so deep even he believed it was gone forever. That Tony took his place.

Tony smiled wistfully at him, placing his other hand over Steve’s giving it a light rub, “I know you tried your hardest. You believed in us and you weren’t going to change your mind about it. You were fine too until the ghost from your past came back. You get that now, don’t you Steve? Barnes was always your first choice. He has something you can’t let go. You and I, we got things that fit well between us but we’re also two entirely different people and maybe that was working for a little while but listen, I was always second best. You didn’t know it, I didn’t know but it’s obvious to everyone what happened to us.”

Steve shook his head, wanting to deny everything, brows low and eyes searched for something tangible to say or do. Nothing came to him, fingers gripping tighter to Tony’s wrist afraid he would disappear.

Tony could only give him a strained smile, eyes glassy, “Hey, don’t tell me you didn’t see the end of this ride.”

Steve stared at his feet, he had his moments where he did, he ignored them, “I was trying too hard to hang on.”

“So you could screw yourself over some more? Don’t be stupid. Just tell me one thing, when did you fall in love with him, again I mean?”

Drawing his hand back, Steve rested it on his own leg, he didn’t want to go through this with Tony. Not like this, not while they hadn’t ended their chapter just yet though it was going to be soon, “I’m not in love with him Tony, he barely knows I exist.” 

The snort was immediate, a hand covering Tony’s mouth as he gestured for Steve to go on.

“I _don’t_ love him.” He ground out, annoyed that Tony was pressing him but he supposed it was easier this way for him, knew Tony enough to see the walls going up, his brand of humor coming into full effect. Tony Stark security systems for avoiding emotional turmoil online and ready.

“You keep telling yourself that. Honestly, you can’t tell me you’re not.”

Sighing, Steve made a soft fist, glaring at his legs, “I love him- ”

“ -A ha!”

Steve scowled at him, “ -Not like that! The first time he called me from Germany, I realized I love him on some level. It wasn’t like my love for you, it wasn’t. But I knew I cared about him enough that I could say I love him to a degree.”

“I wouldn’t give up on Barnes not noticing you, I can bet you he’s got something going on in his head about his feelings for you.” Tony was trying his best to be strong, hiding behind an insincere and pained smiled and relying on words to keep him distracted. All he wanted to be was be left alone to drink in his own misery avoiding Rhodey and Banner giving him sympathetic looks and never admitting that they told him so.

The two of them fell silent, there was really nothing more to say. Steve knew where he stood, what was important to Tony that no matter how hard he loved that blond with the blue eyes, he was never going to give him what he deserved. And what Steve deserved was someone that looked at him like he was more important than anyone or anything else in this world, or any other. When he reviewed those surveillance clips, he truly believed even Barnes had no idea he was staring that way at Steve.

He just needed Steve to leave, didn’t need to see those sad puppy dog eyes looking at him like he did him wrong. Tony sniffled trying his best to hide it, deep brown eyes blinking away tears trying to force their way out, looking anywhere but at Steve, “This is goodbye Steve, I know we can be friends again but I just think we should be away from each other for a little while..”

Steve grasped his hands together, letting them go just to run his palms against his pants. He tried to stop them from shaking, eyes stinging, reddening because he was on the brink of crying and he didn’t want to. Not here. It sank enough in to hurt but he knew he wasn’t going to really feel the pain until a few hours from now, when he was settled somewhere safe like back home, curled up in the dark and away from everyone so he could wallow in his unhappiness. 

Fear crept in, sinking into his spine and spreading down through him, what the hell were they going to do? What was _he_ going to do?

“Tony..”

Peering up at him, Tony regret it the second their eyes met, choking back a small unhappy sound at the back of his throat and keeping his lips pressed in until it passed. He couldn’t stop shaking his head aimlessly, shifting in towards Steve, arms out to take him in if he wanted, “You deserve to be happy and I know I did what I could but you deserve all the happiness you could take and so do I. It was the same way for me but I do love my work, I love helping people and I know I love you. I just can’t balance both, not like this. My work was always going to get in between us. C’mere big guy.”

Steve leaned in and they wrapped their arms tight around each other. It was the exact moment the dam broke and Steve let himself cry, face buried into offered shoulder and his own shoulders jerking with the force of it as Tony tried his best to keep himself together even with silent tears slipping away down his cheeks. His arms hugged Steve closer to him, firm and strong, trying to keep everything remotely together between them because Tony had to. He forced himself to, there was no way he wanted Steve to see just how broken he felt, and how badly he wanted to fix himself a good stiff drink, or twenty and temporarily forget everything.

*****

Bucky carried two glasses of sparkling apple juice through the living room and a blanket under his arm stepping outside to the front stoop where Johnny had stolen one of the kitchen chairs and parked himself watching a crowd in the park at a distance with Clint and Nat already that way with Nanook on a leash following along.

Johnny took his drink, arm snaking around and pulling Bucky over to sit on his thigh, “Why are we freezing our butts out here when there’s still time before the fireworks to start?”

Shrugging lightly, Bucky took a sip and gestured to the sky, “Because it’s clear out and pretty. Don’t like the stars?”

Setting his glass down on the cement so he could wrap his arms tight around that little waist in front of him, he tugged Bucky in against his body leaning back in his chair glancing up, “I do but I like you more.”

“I kinda like you too,” Bucky whispered out coyishly as he settled against his chest, unfolding the throw blanket out to drape over their laps.

“Good. Otherwise this sitting on my lap thing would’ve been kinda awkward."

“Technically if you paid me, we would be on the right page still.”

Johnny laughed, and it sounded so perfectly familiar and content nowadays to Bucky, like a sound that he only associated good things with for so many years which he supposed was true. It warmed his entire being, from his head and all the way down to the wiggle of his toes. He was happy Johnny had made a detour to come say hi even if it was too quiet for his friend’s liking.

“What do you think this fresh new year is going to be like?” Bucky mumbled out, trying to track a pattern of stars just shy of his right, one sparkling just too bright to ignore.

“Zombies. It’s time for zombies to come into the fold and an apocalypse will break out,” A grin broke across his face the moment Bucky began laughing, Jo patted his stomach lightly like he was trying to keep his attention, “Hey you laugh but we would be a great team. You and Clint have crazy aim, I’m real good with a bat or whatever else you want me to swing with, Brock and Jack no comment, Natasha is one dangerous chick. The undead wouldn’t know what the hell to do with us. On the other hand how cool would it be to be ripped to shreds by a horde, that’s one hell of a way to die.”

Bucky only laughed harder, leaning heavily against him and Johnny had to join in a little, Bucky’s amusement contagious and addictive. Easily it was one of his very favorite things, just to make Bucky laugh, watching him shift sideways to look back at him and hook an arm around his neck. They grinned at each other before Bucky stooped his head and caught lips with his, kissing him sweetly. It reminded Bucky of the first time they shared a kiss together and he was mesmerized with ol’ Johnny Storm then as well. Of course he was also lacking a lot of experience then and pretty green behind the ears when it came to boys and the things he thought about when he saw them.

Now it was familiar, somewhere he could settle and appreciate him. Johnny opened his mouth to let him in without hesitation, letting Bucky steer the kiss deeper. Tongues met, wet and teasing little flicks between nips at bottom lips then smoothing along when they slid over each other like they always did, always exciting and just as fascinating as the first time.

Bucky set his glass down somewhere by the side of their chair, leaning in for more as they kissed, feeling a low moan escape from Jo while he was cupping his cheek. He could already feel the way Johnny’s skin was heating up despite how cold it was outside, air fogging between their faces while he tilted his head to explore deeper into Johnny’s mouth.

The second Jo drew back to catch his breath, Bucky moved the blanket and shifted his body, throwing a leg over Storm’s lap so he was straddling him with warm thighs and wiggling in close. Johnny bit back a groan, draping the blanket around Bucky’s shoulders, definitely not hiding much from the neighbors but since they weren’t doing anything too obscene right then, he figured they were alright for now. Bucky studied him with curious eyes, a softness in them not that he was fooled that there wasn’t a little bit of a seductive tone around him.

Johnny’s hands found their way to Bucky’s peacoat buttons, eyes watching subtly as fingers undid each of them achingly slow and purposeful, blue eyes set on his face as warm body heat met the sting of cold air not that Bucky minded too much knowing Jo would never let him get cold, for too long at least. He only sat still and quiet for him, coat fully open before warm hands slipped inside and roamed over his chest. Bucky only responded in kind, leaning into those large hands as he bit down on his lower lip, a light whine escaping the moment fingers barely danced over sensitive nipples. One hand cupped the back of Jo’s neck to pull him in, a gentle chaste kiss pressed to awaiting lips but it wasn’t enough for Bucky, not anymore as he gripped the front of Johnny’s coat to kiss him properly stealing rough kisses for himself. Johnny only moaned into it, his hands moving to grip at hips and curving around to his ass pulling Bucky in tighter against the heat he was giving off.

He didn’t even notice the way Bucky deftly undid his own winter coat, not until hands were feeling around along his chest and abs, stilling a few seconds like it grounded him just to touch, mouths busy with each others kisses and heavy breaths shared in anticipation. 

Pressing in chest against chest, Johnny kept Bucky firmly in place staring into darkening grey eyes as he rocked back and forth gently easing Bucky into it, a soft gasp slipping out as he ground against the growing strain in both their jeans, arms wrapping against his neck when Bucky pressed his face close against his neck making small delicate noises that shot through the entirety of Johnny’s body causing the hairs at the back of his neck to stand up.

“Johnny..”

The broken way Bucky moaned out his name only caused fingers to dig harder into the back of his jeans, slipping a hand around and between them to unbutton jeans, secure in the blanket and their coats hiding everything away, Bucky bowing his back a bit to give Johnny easier access. Both hands opened up jeans, fingers dancing along the outline of taut fabric restraining Bucky, skirting down his hips and under the waistband of his boxer briefs to knead the soft flesh of his ass. Bucky only groaned louder, pushing his butt back for more of his touch leaving a trail of soft bites and kisses along his neck before catching Jo’s mouth with his.

The fact that they were in public, outside in the unrelenting cold quickly left their minds as kisses become wet and breathy, wanton moans passing between them while they sucked tongues and bruised lips from how quickly everything escalated. 

“Buck,” Johnny tried breathing out, brain losing interest in forming sentences while his hands clutched at each cheek pushing down, helping Bucky grind so perfectly into him, dirty and easy like this. “ _God_ ,”

“Nah, just Bucky.” Bucky mumbled out against his mouth, a smirk spreading across his lips.

Johnny groaned, rolling his eyes, “Come on Buck, we gotta, gotta.. _oh..oh Bucky_..” He dropped his head back, short huffs of cool air attacking his lungs as Bucky continued rocking into him and he in return dug harder into perfect skin acting like a pair of little indecent horny teenagers, “Gotta just- _dammit_ fuck, oh yeah, yeah fuck me like now. Right now.”

Bucky had the audacity to giggle, a hand pressing over Johnny’s lips, his desperate voice carrying across the night sky thankful no one was on the sidewalk just then. Johnny only stole one hand away from abusing Bucky’s ass to push his hand away, leaning in and bumping noses softly, “I just want you to get inside me,” Their eyes met, vision shaky as he fought to keep them open, “Need you Buck. Come on..”

“Fucking hell..”

Bucky immediately pulled himself off, scooting back and glancing around cautiously as he zipped his fly up and jeans buttoned not that it hid anything with how he was feeling but neither did Johnny though it was the principal of the matter, grabbing his friend’s hand and the pair of them tore inside, taking the stairs in pairs to get to the bedroom faster.

“You know, if Jack and Brock looked from the basement window, they would have seen the whole show, right?”

Bucky pushed opened his door, “Fuck, I really hope not.”

Johnny grinned, shutting it behind him, “I do, maybe those two would finally get a clue.” He pulled him in, dragging Bucky back into his orbit by his waist until his back hit the door. 

“If they’re popping boners because they were watching us dry humping outside there’s bigger problems.”

Humming in agreement, Johnny slipped his hands under Bucky’s thick coat, smoothly sliding it off shoulders and letting it drop to the floor. He eased him into gentle lazy kisses, palms trailing along his upper arms. Bucky himself pushing up against him, his hands cupping Johnny’s jaw and tilting his head up, sighing out a tiny groan when Jo bit at his lower lip, dragging it between his teeth.

They rid themselves of their shirts, tossing them aside somewhere before Johnny moved his hands down the flat of Bucky’s stomach and undid his jeans again. Nimble fingers easily getting them open while Bucky was too busy wrapping his arms around Jo’s neck and licking a strip up his throat and underneath his chin. Jeans and underwear shoved down his thighs and Bucky helped get them off the rest of the way, Johnny unbuckling his own belt and shucking his jeans off quickly gasping to the soft pinch of teeth against the side of his neck.

“Damn you’re a sight for sore eyes, you know that?” Jo heard himself mutter out, praising helplessly as Bucky’s mouth worked another mark into his skin. He swept his hands across the back of bare thighs, marveling to himself over the smoothness of Bucky’s ass then along to his hips finally steadying them across his shoulders. They paused to stare into each others eyes, sharing a passion between them that they always held for each other, Bucky smiling with plush red lips, a small flick of his tongue brushing over them only spurning Johnny to move again.

They touched noses, Johnny staring with his fierce bright eyes, mouth only a breath away from Bucky’s own, a spark of tenderness in his smile before lips pressed in for another kiss while fingers tangled around the ball chain encompassing Bucky’s neck to pull him closer, keys jingling between them. It was all tongue and saliva; wet, hot and glorious in its open mouthed way. Johnny sucked on his tongue like he needed it, nipping at his lips like he had never tasted anything so good, and moaned so loudly like he wanted Bucky to just take him with no hesitations of his own.

Bucky’s hands swept along hot tanned skin, craving to touch every part of Johnny’s body like he was exploring him all brand new again. He let his fingers slide up his back just until he was at his shoulder, gingerly pressing a hand at his hip to turn them around to opposite sides so he could push his friend backwards, and guide him onto the bed. They settled onto the mattress, Bucky’s frame tucked in between Johnny’s legs who was still in his boxers, both of them kissing slow and desperate, Johnny moaning for more as he dragged his nails across pale skin.

Moving his body up, Bucky ground his cock into the fabric of Jo’s underwear causing a helpless whine to spill out of him, frantic and desperate for more, face flushing scarlet. He could feel every pulsing detail Johnny’s thin flimsy boxers were trying to keep away from him, an appeased hum escaping out.

“Get the lube.” Bucky mumbled out with his head bowed away as he sat up onto his knees to allow Johnny to turn his upper body and reach for the bedside drawer while Bucky slipped fingers under the elastic of his boxers and carefully pulled them off and absently tossed them away. Bucky wrapped fingers around Johnny's cock giving it lazy strokes waiting for the little bottle.

Johnny took a second to look back and admire the view, head falling to the side against his shoulder as he spread his legs wider, one knee bent and planting a foot, “Fuck.”

Bucky peered up, stopping his hand with an amused smile, “A condom and lube Jo, don’t get distracted now.”

“Just jerk me off, that felt nice.”

Only getting a reply via a pinch to his thigh, Johnny hissed between teeth and made an exaggerated face as he went back to looking, finally finding the bottle and a condom, tossing them on the side just before the pillows. He promptly rolled over and settled on his forearms and knees, spread wide for Bucky.

Bucky couldn’t help the way he blushed, even over this, warmth rushing up his chest and along the apple of his cheeks before it curled around his ears, demurely glancing away before peeking over again. He couldn’t fight how helpless he was over the lapse a few seconds and waiting out the moment shyness while ice blue eyes peered over shoulder and Johnny sat himself up, turning around to grab Bucky's chin softly and press a kiss at his bottom lip.

“You’re fucking adorable Buck.”

Bucky laughed at little at himself, trying to get the heat out of his cheeks, “Should be used to this, anyone else no problem but sometimes with you, just sometimes..”

Chuckling lightly, Johnny pressed another delicate kiss at each corner of Bucky’s mouth, the side of his finger still tucked under the cleft of his chin, “Because we’re friends. I matter so when you’re always told you’re wrong and it’s stuck in your head, suddenly your insecurity comes out when it’s me in front of you, it just does that to you Sweets. Just gotta do what you wanna do, don’t listen to that voice, it just makes you nervous. Puts you in a whole different thought process and you don’t like it so try not to. If you wanna fuck my brains out, I give you my absolute consent to do it.”

Something in Bucky’s head continued to keep him still, picking up the bottle of lube and Jo caught the vague hesitation across his face before lips pursed in determination, holding it out as ears reddened. 

Not sure about the expression, Johnny only took the bottle and shifted back to lay down against the pillows.

“No, uh not yourself I mean..I don’t know what you want..”

Confusion was the only thing across Storm’s face, trying to extract answers with a single raise of brows, “What are you talking about?”

He watched Bucky pick up the condom with trembling fingers, avoiding eyes as he placed it in the hand with the lube, “The auction, I forgot about you winning but you have to collect, right? I don’t know what else I could give you..”

As soon as it all dawned on Johnny, he closed his eyes with a small tedious smile and shook his head, pressing the two items back into Bucky’s hand, “Fuck. No. No I wouldn’t..”

He reached out to cup cheeks, Bucky gazing carefully at him. Johnny gave him a sympathetic smile, “I woulda paid a lot more to get you out of that for nothing in return. I don’t want anything Buck, you were freaked out the whole night even if it wasn’t obvious to others. I know what you were thinking, you didn’t wanna be sold for sex. And yes before you even go into some spiel about how that’s not what we were being sold for, _you_ believed we were. It was what was settled in your head. You would have probably done it out of some obligation too. I don’t want payment for getting you out of there. You were worth it, you understand?”

Bucky scrunched his face up, the wheels in his head turning as his eyes danced along his friend’s face in thought, “But..?”

“No buts, there’s no catch with me Bucky. I just wanted to get you out, besides what a way to piss off our moms without looking like we were huh? My mom’s usually alright but sometimes I gotta light a fire under her for fun.” He reached over and softly pinched Bucky’s butt cheek, “Don’t sell your sexy ass to no one, not even me.”

Bucky leaned in and pressed his face against Johnny’s shoulder trying to smother a laugh, “I wasn’t trying to but I didn’t want ten thousand hanging over my head. I didn’t want to seem ungrateful..”

Johnny drew Bucky back to look at him in seriousness, a rarity that Bucky always took as absolute truth, “Never gonna make you do anything you don’t want to, you got that?” 

Nodding and looking down because he knew he should have known better, Johnny only pressed a kiss against Bucky’s temple, then along both of his cheeks, “Doesn’t mean I cant stop asking about getting some time on your amazing dick though..”

Bucky laughed again, trying to duck his head away with a shake of it but Johnny wouldn’t let him, leaning in for another kiss instead, Bucky catching his wrist and going along with it. Hands explored down his sides just at the precipice of tickling him, body not sure to pull away or press in, giving him a rush of excitement.

Johnny was the first to draw back, fingers sliding down Bucky’s thighs and between his legs stroking him off as he placed intricate little kisses around his lips and down the side of his jaw, “Now come on, need this bad boy inside of me.”

Any other time Bucky would have laughed, but his mind was far too distracted by clever fingers working him so well he had to push Johnny’s hand away. He watched Jo grin wolfishly, returning back to his assumed position on knees and forearms and giving his hips a push back indicating he was raring to go. 

The color didn’t escape Bucky’s face as he coated fingers and moved in closer, his clean hand caressing Johnny’s left cheek gingerly, spreading the flesh and giving his balls a playful squeeze as he pressed a kiss to the base of Jo’s spine. His thumb trailed along his perineum, catching at his rim and the room was filled with a muffled noise as Johnny pressed his face into his forearm, hips pushing back for more of _anything_. 

There wasn’t much of an effort to ease in one finger, careful as he invaded tight heat like he always did, kneeling between Johnny’s spread knees and trailing kisses up his spine. A second came in quickly enough even before Johnny could whine for it, Bucky’s cheek nuzzling into skin and feeling the way Johnny breathed harsh and jagged as digits pumped into him slow with fingers curling in and moans grew louder. His hips rocked back as he tilted his head away from his arm, attempting to beg for a third, “ _C’mon_..”

Bucky only hummed as he edged in a third finger, his other hand petting and smoothing over the flesh of Johnny ass, nipping softly at barely tanned skin watching it redden while Jo fucked himself on three fingers and groaning over wanting more without stopping what he had. 

“God, fuck me Bucky..” Johnny moaned out impatiently.

Leaving one last mark near Jo’s ribs, Bucky drew his fingers out and felt apologetic when Johnny made a sound so similar to a sob. He searched for the condom, picking up the light from the Christmas ones he had strung around, turning towards the window when he heard the faint sound of people counting down. 

“Hey, fireworks are gonna go off in a second.” 

“We should make an amateur porno with it. Just call it New Years with a bang.” 

Rolling on the condom, Bucky lightly punched Johnny in the ass cheek when he glanced back, pushing one of the fatter pillows under his belly.

“Ow! You bit me there!”

Smirking, Bucky flicked the spot with his finger for good measure watching Johnny jump a little, “Good.”

He returned back to the business at hand, lubing himself up and sweeping a steady hand along Johnny’s hip, bright splashes of color and fiery light cascading into the bedroom and illuminating the room up like it was daybreak again. Bucky took a second to watch it wash across Johnny’s back, finally moving up on his knees to pull Jo’s hips closer.

“You good?”

Johnny only gave him an impatient grunt, shifting back a bit and it was just close enough to brush his tip against perfect heat and he let out a soft shudder, tightening his hands to keep Storm still. With aching slowness Bucky pressed in past the rim watching the back of Johnny’s neck stretch and his head drop forward with a small relieved noise as he inched in further and further. 

Bucky tightened his fingers around hipbones as it felt like the air was being sucked from his lungs the deeper into the tight heat of Johnny’s body he sank. He closed his eyes as he tilted his head back, trying to take in a mouth of air, nails sinking into skin without the worry of hurting Jo.

Impatience was Johnny’s middle name, eagerly pushing back on him and he lightly smacked his friend on the hip, “Hey, calm down there.” 

He only received a noise of frustration, hands smoothing across his ribs trying to soothe. He gradually pulled out again, the tip of his cock catching rim and easing it back in slowly listening to the way Johnny’s breathing shifted into jagged little pitched moans.

Dropping his head back against his forearm, Johnny groaned higher when Bucky angled himself just right, fingers curling around the bed sheet, “Yeah, _right there_.”

Bucky’s eyes couldn’t help trailing off the back of Johnny’s head and down his back. Muscles sat tense under blushing skin, eyes raking over thumbs digging into the flesh of his ass. He swept a little lower to watch himself slide in and out, so smooth and easy, the slickness of the lube catching the lights outside and faint hints of the Christmas ones inside his bedroom bathing them both in a faded rainbow. 

“Faster Buck..” Johnny broke in, panting into the sheets beneath him, Bucky pushed his fingers upwards and pressed into his hips to arch Jo’s ass up a bit higher.

Johnny clenched around his dick, urging to get fucked harder, faster and all Bucky could do was growl out at the encouragement, giving his hips a harsh snap forward and punching the air out of Storm as he fluidly pulled away and thrust harder into him. Jo rambled out incoherently, Bucky not much listening to him, too invested in the loud audible sound of wet skin slapping against skin that overcame the muffled racket of the fireworks celebration in the park overlapping with Johnny’s shouts of dizzying pleasure. 

Both their bodies trembled, Bucky trying his best not to lose himself in the moment when all he wanted was to focus on the person before him. A bead of sweat rolled down the side of his face as he fought to avoid blowing his load too early the way Johnny clenched around him forcing him to fuck into a tighter hole that was greedy for him. Every cry and moan Jo made tore through both of them, the sounds vibrating straight into Bucky’s dick and only adding to his dilemma. 

Bucky straightened himself out, a hand moving along Jo’s spine to cuff the back of his neck and press his cheek against the bed as Bucky fucked harder into him, ripping a loud gasp out from underneath and feeling Johnny collapse like something suddenly struck him. A small feeling of pride rippled through Bucky as he refused to relent pounding into Johnny’s prostate while his friend went pliant and submissive, whining and practically sobbing into the mattress.

Mostly silent, Bucky heavily breathed out with his mouth hung open through most of it, face flushed, lips bitten red and body a sweaty mess. All he could hear was Johnny rambling his name brokenly at each rough thrust, fingers tightening just a little around Jo’s neck and relishing in the way he was unraveling. 

He could see Johnny’s thighs trembling harder as he began struggling slightly at keeping his ass arched up like Bucky wanted and still rocking back into him in tandem with his cock. Shifting his weight to tuck his arm around Jo’s waist to hold him up, Bucky draped himself over lower back and nosed against Johnny’s spine, the scruff of his cheek feeling the way his muscles shifted. He slipped his other hand off the back of Johnny’s neck only to cuff him at the front around his throat with a tiny spot of pressure, a pleased moan vibrating out underneath Bucky’s fingertips.

“Buck I can’t..gonna..”

Hushing the desperate plea to let him cum, Johnny could only resort to groaning out his name or making incoherent noises with every push, Bucky snaking his hand around to grab Johnny’s throbbing cock, stroking him off as Jo pressed himself in tight to the body behind him.

Still, Johnny didn’t cum just yet, headstrong over giving Bucky just what he liked overcame him as his body stuttered and his cries grew hoarse. Fingers grazed through precum, gathered and coating down his dick and Johnny moaned to the touch, ass pressing harder at Bucky’s thrusts. 

He whimpered, begging for it and Bucky moved just slightly, turning his face into the soft fuzz of short hair, lips brushing against Johnny’s ear working his hips in time with his hand. His body draped along sweaty back, slowing in time but thrusts still rough, harshly grinding inside of him and against his prostate. He pressed parted lips against the lobe of Jo’s ear, breathing raggedly and smothering his face against his damp skin, “Come on baby, cum for me.”

The command was all Johnny needed to hear, his body stiffening and he released a choked gasp, practically sobbing out in relief as he came across the sheets under him. Bucky shuddered out under his breath when he felt Jo tighten around him, his hand still going with the motion of his hips and milking Johnny for all he was worth. Bucky could barely see straight, sweat threatening to run into his eyes as he moaned out involuntarily while Johnny kept himself clamped around his dick forcing him to cum into the condom immediately after.

They panted together, Bucky collapsing the entirety of his weight against Johnny’s back, glistening with sweat and exhausted, fireworks still going off outside and every nerve in their body trying to come down from the euphoric high.

“Oh man,” Johnny dragged out after regaining some of this breath feeling Bucky roll off him after pulling out, “We should do that again, not right now though..”

Bucky laughed, a little high and giddy, he managed to rid the condom and find one of his t-shirts on the floor, cleaning off his hand and dropping it between them when Johnny didn’t bother lifting off his belly yet.

When Johnny finally did, he cleaned himself up, tucking the shirt between him and the mess on the sheets. Bucky reached over and they laced their fingers together facing each other on their sides and settling in. Soft thumps of music bounced against the window, coming from outside as a band played for the New Years celebration in the park and Bucky only drew his hand away to trail fingers along Johnny’s skin while firework colors danced over his chest.

“Hey,” Johnny whispered, waiting until Bucky’s head lifted to look at him, leaning in to press a gentle kiss to his lips, innocent and sweet, Bucky’s fingers brushing along Jo’s ribs as he rested his hand there to keep him close. Drawing back, Johnny placed another on Bucky’s nose for good measure, then another on his forehead, “Happy New Years.”

Bucky laughed, airy and light and so very _happy_. He tilted his head in, giving him an Eskimo kiss, “Happy New Years to you too.”

A hand brushed into Bucky’s hair and he leaned into it, humming in appreciation as he let his eyes close. They enjoyed the silence and each other’s perfect company for a little bit of time, Johnny wearing a pleased smile as he eventually laid back and relaxed.

“Remember that cute brunette that we met at Ricky’s party last New Years and had that lovely little evening getting to know her before she flew off back to Austin?”

Bucky stared off at the ceiling to think for a second before he nodded, “Kaitlyn. The one with the butterfly tattoo on her hip.” 

Johnny turned his head with a sly grin, “ _Yeah_ , that’s her. She called me up a couple days ago. Told me she was in town for Christmas holidays and leaving for home a week after today. She asked about you.”

Chuckling softly, Bucky’s head fell back against a pillow, thinking back to that night, “I haven't talked to her since but then she was more someone you knew, wait. She's not pregnant or anything..right?”

Johnny turned and pressed a trail of kisses along the slope of Bucky’s shoulder, snorting out against his skin, “No, you weren't the only one that jumped to that. I asked the same thing, that’s not a late Christmas gift I’m ready for even if I like them. No, she was asking for..”

The lack of words after that caused Bucky to turn back onto his side and face him, Johnny wearing a coy smile as he bounced his brows, “Ho, ho, ho.”

Rolling his eyes as he nodded, Bucky propped his head up with one of his hands, “I see. Wants a repeat of what happened and you're hoping..?”

“She _was_ pretty hot. Besides,” Johnny leaned in wrapping an arm around Bucky’s waist and pressed a kiss against his ear, “You know I liked when she was telling you how to touch me while she was touching herself.”

Bucky smirked, “Of course you did.” He finally shrugged, draping a leg over Johnny’s and hooking it closer, “Can I think it over?”

Pulling him closer, Johnny flattened his hand along Bucky’s back, palm smoothing out along his skin, “Of course you can, just remember she’s leaving in a week and I wanna- ”

Bucky leaned in and kissed away the rest of what he wanted to say just because. Johnny didn’t even fight it, falling so easily into working with lips and tongues not getting enough of one another, his hand slipping down and cupping one of Bucky’s ass cheeks to press him hip to hip, one of his thighs nestled comfortably between his friends losing the time easily together.

Johnny eventually drew back, his stomach growling and the fireworks seemingly winding down, “I’m gonna get us something to eat before everyone gets back on the main floor.” 

The idea of getting some snacks stopped Bucky from pulling Johnny in again, nodding as he watched him rummage for his boxers and tug them on before he left the room. Bucky mused over the fact that Jack and Brock were still in the house sitting in the basement and the only way back up was through the kitchen, he really hoped Jo was quick. 

He checked his phone, reading Brock’s messages about Jack being fine as was Lucky. A message from Clint relayed a picture of Nanook making friends with some children and their dog. He smiled as he set his phone down again, clearing off the top sheet and getting everything tidied up.

While he was shifting through his numerous playlists, Johnny came back in a silk way too short and two sizes too small red robe that was clearly Nat’s, holding a plate of random food, a banana and two bottles of water stuck at the crook of his elbow. Bucky tried not to laugh, at least there were boxers just in case.

“It smells like sex in here.” Jo announced out, practically leaping into bed, dumping the waters and banana between them.

“Oh no, really?” Bucky mused, opening one of the bottles as he leaned against propped pillows and rested an ankle over the other bundling himself up in his bear robe and nestled under the covers.

Johnny only smirked back, rolling a piece of salami into a tube shape before taking a bite, passing the large plate onto Bucky’s lap. He took another, wrapping some cheddar into it before feeding Bucky as the male was trying to make out the various cheeses and meats laid out with a few cucumber, pear and apple slices, a bit of spicy brown mustard and regular yellow mustard at the side. Making a small grateful sound to being fed, Bucky thoughtfully chewed as he poked at the cucumber, sneaking one into his mouth before he was even finished chewing away at what he was eating. He glanced over just in time to see Johnny practically deepthroating the banana and Bucky slipped his hand underneath it to force more into Johnny’s mouth, trying to keep a straight face.

“Gag on it bitch.”

Johnny choked, trying his hardest not to laugh and snort out banana from his nose, pushing Bucky’s hand away as his eyes welled up with tears and managed to get himself and the banana under control, quickly chewing it and swallowing before he was spitting fruit mush all over the bed.

He cleared his throat, throwing the peel at Bucky’s head, “You’re awful.”

“Me? You’re the one blowing a banana.”

“I like bananas.”

Bucky mouthed ‘like’ with air quotes and rolled his eyes at him. Their elbows bumped together as Bucky rested the peel beside the fish tank, popping another slice of cheese in his mouth.

Johnny looked over pensively, thoughts running through his head as he pressed his lips together then loosened them, glancing at the wall before looking back at Bucky while he chose his words carefully.

“Okay so I’m going to state my opinion again because it’s officially a new year and I can. Usually you don’t listen to me anyway because you don't want to but you should tell him. Really. You should tell him and get it over with. You had a argument with Steve and was distracted and that asshole pitched your drink. I’m glad I was there and Steve was there, he got your back and bonus, beat the crap out of that guy. You know I’m not one for that really but he really deserved it. I’m happy you’re safe and sound, and the past week really convinces me Steve’s head over heels for you, you’re both being morons about it or something.”

Bucky frowned, glancing at Johnny eating some fruit, “It’s more difficult than just telling him.”

“That you got a past? We all have a past, it’s the shit that happened before the now, you live with it. He knows about some of it I’m guessing, tell him the rest. He has a past too who the fuck cares, just tell him. I’m just an innocent bystander in this trainwreck called love but I know what I see. Bucky, he put keys on a chain for you, _you_! He got you a dog and offered to keep it until you could take it with you, don’t you think that’s insane to do? You don’t just do that for a bro.”

Rolling his eyes, Bucky folded his arms under the covers, “Because ignoring Tony is awfully easy.”

“It is because, I don’t know him like you do okay but Stark? He’s not for him, Steve is so into you. I get him enough to know he’s got some clingy issues- ”

“His mom.”

Johnny glanced over at him, “What?”

Bucky tilted his head away, shrugging a little, “His mom. He’s like that because he lost his mom, he’s afraid of losing people he cares about when he can’t control it really.”

Blue eyes studied Bucky, “Yeah well, he refuses to lose you, Stark is just padding. Really I like Tony on a level even if he elbowed me in the face, he’s hilarious and knows how to throw a party but he’s not for ol’ Stevie. You two fit, like puzzle pieces or some sappy crap about the sun and that Greek God and his melting wings.”

Bucky smiled a little, a laugh bouncing in his chest as he reached over to take Johnny’s hand carefully, “His name was Icarus, he wasn’t a God.”

Johnny squeezed his hand in return, “Apples and oranges. You know what I mean. I’m trying for a moment, sorry I don’t study ancient myths.”

“You’re fine, I forgive you.”

Johnny gave him a swift peck on the cheek before chewing on another cracker, “Think about it Sweets, you deserve to be happy. Steve makes you happy.”

Staring at him thoughtfully, he cuddled up closer against Johnny’s side, “You make me happy too Jojo.” 

Moving an arm to wrap around Bucky, Johnny set the plate aside so he could lay out beside him, “You make me happy too but you two make each other happy on a whole ‘nother level Buck. The kind of happy you’ve been looking for your whole life. You know I don’t easily endorse this mush so it’s gotta mean something.”

Bucky peered at him and Johnny smiled back, “I know you don’t, but I’m scared of losing him. He has no plans to let him go, in fact he’s got wedding bells on route with Stark. I’m a nobody compared to him, Steve is definitely doing better with Tony than he would with me.”

“I don’t agree with you on that but I’m not going to push you, just think about it.” 

“Yeah okay Jo, but hey..” He waited, rolling onto his side, fingers brushing along Johnny’s cheek like he was looking at him for the first time and he smiled softly at him, “Thank you.”

Johnny raised his brows, “For?”

“You know for what. If you hadn’t gotten him inside, I don’t know what would have happened to me Jo. It scares me to think about it when it creeps into my mind and for being you because I adore you, you know that, right?” 

The hope in Bucky’s voice at the question caused Johnny to warm, taking fingers to his lips to press kisses against them, gentle and soft like Bucky deserved to be treated. 

“Hey Buck.”

Grey eyes studied him, protected and bundled together where they were safe, “Yeah?”

“I love you.” 

A soft startled laugh hopped against the inside of Bucky’s chest, silent but brilliant, a shy surprised expression stepping in and Bucky only felt one feeling around Johnny, trusting him like he trusted the others. Through the bad and through the good, he was always one way with him, he was himself and he was kind. Bucky never forgot, never let himself forget that even when he was horrible to Jo, Johnny never turned on him.

Tears welled in his eyes, face flushing as he felt guilt rise and Johnny whispered softly in his ear telling him he was okay, lips brushing along his lobe and pressing kisses like he did, gripping at his hands. Always there taking care of him when Bucky let him in.

Bucky rested his head on his shoulder, curling up in his arms and Johnny held him like he always did. Bucky pressed a kiss under his jaw, the brush of his nose tracing the spot and he smiled to himself. Johnny was right, he was okay. A few little steps at a time, he would be okay, he had to believe that and he was starting to believe it.

“Jo.”

“Yeah Sweets?” His voice sleepy and light.

“I love you too.” 

He chuckled, squeezing him closer, “I know.”

“..Did you just Han Solo me?” 

“Not this time but maybe next time, shh we should nap.” 

“Of course you would, you big nerd. How does no one know yet?”

He smirked, “Because I’m better at hiding it than you.”

“I hate you again.” 

"Nah, you can't hate me."

"Could try."

*****

Steve and Tony held each other way past the drying of tears and the light comforting touches, they had no idea how to let go even if it was the best thing for them both. It wasn’t until Rhodey showed up and he had files on a tablet that they actually broke apart and Steve decided it was high time he leave for his sanity’s sake, something within him clawing frantically to get out and beg for Tony to think about them and work out a solution. The sensation fierce and pathetic. He knew strongly that this was right and yet he didn't know how badly it was going to hurt either of them.

Nothing was said as he passed James, noticing the sympathy and surprise..and possibly even relief? across his face which only showed him how simply black and white this wasn’t. He needed to take a walk, glancing at one of the clocks as he walked through the lobby to exit the building. It was past midnight a little while ago, random fireworks, horns and shouting going off and rippling through the sharp cold air. 

His fingers felt his phone in his pocket as he walked and kept on walking, itching to call Bucky or Sam, hell even Natasha would have been fine but he knew they were all happy and enjoying life, a fresh start to their lives.

_A fresh start._

He didn’t know how long he had traveled by foot, just walking on and on along streets and sideways, cutting through a park and passing numerous festive crowds out in the early morning singing and entertaining themselves away. Steve only raised the collar on his long coat and avoided any contact, moving swiftly as he sank deeper into his coat, roaming on and not sure where he was going. He only let his feet take him as far away from the tower as he could, a roll of tears occasionally threatening to spill but he managed to fight them off, push them aside, the heel of his hand brushing the corners of his eyes at times. 

He just didn’t know what to do, where to go and so he kept on walking. 

Crossing one of the connector bridges and ignoring a car full of girls honking at him, he took a break against a tree, hiding himself in the cloak of darkness as he pulled out his phone when it made a noise at him. He allowed himself to inhale lungfuls of air like he was suffocating, not even realizing he needed it. 

His phone chimed again, brain absently hoping it was Tony messaging to see if he was okay, maybe to come back, something because he was wondering if he was in some screwed up dream or reality where things just suddenly went queer on him. Instead it was Thor spreading holiday cheer with a new picture on Instagram apparently somewhere very cold and taking a selfie with the Northern Lights. 

He almost closed it before his thumb hesitated to Johnny’s comment immediately following underneath with well wishes and compliments on the photo. Something told him not to, told him to stop, ignore it and head to Sam’s because that may be the only place to go where he wouldn’t feel displaced but he still wondered if he was dreaming, hitting Johnny’s account through Thor’s to find a picture barely a few minutes old showing Johnny apparently stretched out on a bed catching stray street fireworks outside a bedroom window. 

A very _familiar_ bedroom window with a shirtless body that framing cut out the rest of, Steve pretty sure was more than missing their shirt and laying out on their stomach by Johnny’s legs, back reflecting lights with their head resting against Storm’s ankles as they looked out the window, unaware. 

The photo was purposefully dark to catch the fireworks but Christmas lights showed just enough to tease the viewer with a mischievous little New Years of Johnny’s own. Steve could pretend he was maybe hallucinating things to make himself feel worse, but the ball chain around the back baring stranger only proved to him that Bucky was definitely in better spirits than he was. 

The idea to call him even just to hear his voice was impossible, not with Storm at arms length away from him, he couldn’t handle it even if he knew Bucky better, knew he would give him all the time in the world. 

Everything was simply falling down around him. Steve knew that the only person he could blame, with every fiber of his being, was himself. That he did it all and now he was going to pay for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, don't mind me, but literally these four songs just encompassed my brain for 27;  
> Spaceboy - Smashing Pumpkins (1/4 - Recovery)  
> Lost Kitten - Metric (2/4 - Recovery)  
> Hunter Eats Hunter - Chevelle (George and Steve and the whole mess)  
> All of the Ways - Interpol (Tony and Steve talking because this song and my feelings ;_;)
> 
> There will be a Brock and Jack excerpt going up in the extras about the fireworks if you're interested.


	28. I just wanted you to be happy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky and Steve cope, so does Jack. Ward doesn't take new strategies too well, Nick Fury does..sort of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Going to do a bit of a time jump near the end of this chapter only because there's just so much 'Steve cries and is sad' I can write, It's just a couple weeks though. Also this is a week early because I may be a week late for the next chapter but ONLY because RL is kind of on my back right now and the next part is at a point of importance for me. Also as usual, thanks a lot for all the comments stating your feelings/moments you enjoyed etc/kudos and sticking around reading my mad ramble to an AU that was never supposed to go this far and has taken over my head. <3 A special thanks to [StarSpangledBucky](http://archiveofourown.org/users/StarSpangledBucky/), who live chats/screams while reading the updates and really makes me feel not so panicky about the work. :3 <3 
> 
> [Chapter 28.pic/gif](http://kalika999.tumblr.com/post/159813853235/hunger-of-the-pine-chapter-28-bucky-and-steve)
> 
> Warnings:  
> \- Panic attack  
> \- Someone gets electrocuted/hits their head/punching (They're both okay.)

**Early/Mid January 2016**  
  


Bucky let himself into Steve’s place not sure if he was home and assuming he was getting laid when there was no answer. Natasha and Clint were ready for bed by four and Johnny was gone to party an hour earlier, Jack offered him a ride while Brock was going to party on his own with less desired means and Bucky figured it was a better idea to keep Rollins company for a short while to Steve’s than leave him worrying. Jack declined an invitation to come hang out citing he was tired and had work so Bucky let him be, the car waiting just long enough to make sure he and Nanook were in the lobby and then finally took off. 

The whole apartment was covered in darkness, looking around when he found Steve’s shoes by the door beside his satchel and keys which must have missed the side table.

“Steve you home?”

Silence.

Nanook made a soft whine, high and pitched through his nose, lightly tugging from Bucky and the brunette looked down at him, hand holding on to his collar. He let go, watching heterochromic eyes glance up at him before he bolted off through the room and around the couch, shuffling and whining louder. 

Bucky slipped off his backpack and shoes, glancing towards the back of the couch when he heard a faint sniffle, catching a hand brushing across Nook’s head. 

Carefully he approached, sitting down against the coffee table directly across from Steve, who sat slack against the couch with a bottle between sprawled legs almost empty. Their gaze met as Bucky folded his hands together, light casting off them from the open curtains; red rimmed eyes and around his nose, Steve's face was stained with tears.

“Hey you.”

Bucky only assumed he and Tony had a fight, a bad one at that, carefully easing the bottle to the table and it was like Steve didn’t even notice it gone. His eyes glanced away to Nanook laid out quietly with his head resting up on Steve’s thigh, paws pressed there too in the ready, watching carefully and Steve only pet him over and over again like he was trying to feel something worth feeling. 

“Hey Buck..” He finally managed out, throat dry and almost croaking out the words before his head fell back, shaking absently over something.

Bucky wasn’t sure how to broach anything, instead quietly sitting and watching him. Minutes passed on and Bucky only sat still for him letting the _you can talk to me_ linger between them, knees just barely grazing each others.

“We broke up.” He finally let out, voice low and hesitant like he was waiting to wake up, movements uneasy and Bucky wasn’t sure if it was because of the alcohol or his misery. 

Steve blinked tiredly, “I don’t know why this is happening. Why can’t I do anything right? I just feel like garbage. It’s like I’m not cut out- ” Tears came back and he grimaced as he tried to tilt his head back and stop them from running down.

“Hey, stop talking like that.” Bucky hissed out, a passion laced in his words as he inched a bit closer to the edge of the table, hands resting against Steve’s knees, “Just stop. Whatever made you get that crap in your head, just ignore it.”

Steve only cried harder, hands pressing to his face as he hiccuped a strained cry and sniffled wetly, “Bucky..”

Bucky shook his head, moving onto the couch at his friend’s other side, pulling him in gingerly, “Jesus, c’mere.” 

“Buck..” Steve’s breath danced against his ear and it took all of Bucky’s willpower not to grab his face and kiss him. The back of his mind warning him over the emotional whirlwind he was suddenly pulled into making him think irrationally as he tried to save Steve. 

“I would have married him. Maybe it sounds so stupid but I wanted to, I really did..”

Bucky held his breath a moment, not knowing exactly what to say as he touched him lightly, fingers dusting along hair and leaning in, “What happened Stevie?”

Shaking his head, Steve tried to inhale wetly, curling into the warmth and Bucky finally drew in a breath, pads of his fingers dragging along his upper back and he rubbed softly.

“He just, we can’t make each other happy. He’s right, I know he is but I just- ”

Hushing him, Bucky squeezed his arm around him so he was reminded of his company. The gravity of the situation instantly set in and broke Bucky down, kicking himself as his fingers stroked blond hair. His heart sank, pressing Steve tightly to his body, feeling arms crush around his ribs, “I’m sorry Steve.”

He wasn’t sorry, not one bit..not for that at least, but he sympathized, guilt rearing its ugly head because he wanted this but he didn’t want _this_. He didn’t want Steve in pain and in tears, he just wanted him to see clearer and now he felt like this wasn’t how it should have happened. 

The both of them gradually sank back against the couch along their sides staring at each other in quiet awe. Bucky raised his hand to cup Steve’s damp cheek, his thumb brushing away a tear, Steve barely blinking as he just stared through with his haunted blue eyes. 

Slowly Bucky leaned in, Steve holding his breath not sure what was going on but he didn’t want to stop whatever it was, his fingers tightening around the fabric of Bucky’s t-shirt. He was confused and half drunk, staring at that pink gentle mouth, watching Bucky’s tongue dart out and drag nervously over lips before disappearing back into his mouth. Steve wanted to see, he wanted to watch but he felt his eyes closing with a gentle nod he wasn’t sure Bucky saw or not, he wanted him to take all the pain away for him and he felt Bucky leaned in completely, warm breath dancing against his face and then two lips pressed against his forehead. 

A small surprised sound slipped from Steve before he realized he did it, Bucky’s lips resting there for a long heavy moment, burning some secret promise there and Steve had no idea what it was. He felt the rumble in his chest, the soft light spasms building up inside before he began to cry again. Somewhere in his mind he was lost, hurt and embarrassed, brokenhearted and he felt Bucky draw away, leaning back slightly to bring Steve’s head to his chest and cradle him with so much care.

“Bucky..” His voice was thick with sadness, a small hush coming from the brunette trying to keep him pressed to his chest but Steve pulled back, pulling Bucky’s face close. 

They bumped noses lightly, foreheads touching and Bucky stared at him in silence letting Steve lead, the front of his shirt bunched around his fingers, feeling the tingle of Steve’s breath. 

Steve felt like he was staring into Bucky’s eyes for eternity, it was so dark in the room but he could make them out taking in the air he was breathing, his lips soft and parted, flushed against his pale skin and Steve was so damn stupid for giving up so easily back then. 

“You’re beautiful.”

Steve felt himself blink, his heart leaping into his throat, fresh tears in his eyes, Bucky staring at him strong and determined, his hands pulling lightly as he grasped more of his shirt, “What?”

“You’re beautiful Steve, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. I’m lucky to know you.”

“Bucky- ” The words lost themselves, Steve scrambling to hold on tightly to Bucky, he couldn’t think of anything else to say and he couldn’t stop whispering it out, “Buck. _James_.”

Bucky winced at the pitched whine lost in Steve’s voice, tears rolling down his face watching his friend lose himself as he pulled Steve in holding him close, “You’re okay. I promise. I fucking promise you. It’s going to hurt, it’s really going to hurt but I’m always here for you Steve, I’ll take care of you. I’ll always protect you.”

Steve gripped tighter, tugging and pulling him in while Bucky touched him, down Steve’s arms and across his back, hands cupping cheeks and thumbing away tears.

“Buck, I don’t know if I can do this. I don’t- ”

Bucky only hushed him, “You _can_ do this. You just need time, I promise you mon petit lapin.” He smiled, gentle and sweet as a kiss pressed against Steve’s nose. 

Letting go of fabric to slip his arms around Bucky, Steve kept him tight to him, “Please Buck, don’t leave me.”

“I won’t. I won’t, I promise, but you need rest Steve. You’re exhausted and a little drunk.”

“I don’t know if this makes sense but- ”

Bucky stared into his eyes, brushing golden hair off Steve’s forehead, “ -You’re scared to.”

Nodding to him Steve frowned at himself, allowing Bucky to guide him up to his feet after getting Nanook to move off and they made their way to the bedroom. Everything went automatic for him, slipping into bed and making room for Bucky, pulled close and his head was left to rest onto his shoulder when they laid back. Nanook curled himself behind Steve, nosing the back of his neck before settling in to sleep and it was different, instead of the dog giving him looks, he was there for him and slowly came to understand why Sam liked him in the first place. Bucky brushed his hair softly, pulling the blanket over both of them and Steve shifted to get comfortable on his side watching his friend with trepidation. 

“When I have nightmares, sometimes I get scared to sleep again after I recover from an episode or an attack. I’ve stopped sleeping for a couple days a few times. It’s not good for you, you need to sleep Stevie. I promise to stay with you if you want me to. Like you always stayed with me, would that work for you?”

All the blond could do was nod, silently watching him and Bucky stared back, both knowing soon he was going to let himself get upset again over the break up but now they were quiet together and Bucky tried to lead him to some rest. 

He never felt so much empathy for a break up he never thought was going to last, well he was under the assumption they would stick it out while he thought it was a bad idea at least. Bucky’s palm idly rubbed along the muscles at his back when it didn’t take long for Steve's face to contort into pain and he turned his body the other way to cry to himself, doing not much else of anything. Nanook curled himself around Steve’s front, muzzle tucked in the space under his chin and against the side of his neck, tears sinking into his coat not that he much minded. 

They went through that, with random jargon as Steve slurred through words via the alcohol tripping him up and the need to sleep coming in or his hands obstructing his mouth. In and out they both slept and awoke, Bucky in tune to Steve’s body when he happened to end up sleeping but only enough for a nap before his friend was tossing and turning again. Steve would sometimes wake up in tears from dreams and Bucky was right along with him trying to offer up any consolation however it may help.

It was leaving them both exhausted and tired.

*****

Sam was greeted to the sight of Bucky looking worse for wear still dressed in what he assumed was last night's clothes of blue jeans and an oversized blue sweater completely wrinkled with a mess of bed head, one complete side flattened and the other side flaring out in a weird fluffy arc, his face wearing a look of sleep deprived confusion.

“Hey Sam.”

Sam gave him a smile, holding out a coffee, “For you. How is he?”

Bucky graciously accepted it, moving to lean his back to the open door, taking a long needy sip. His eyes closed a lingering moment and a happy serene look crossed his face before he was back to reality.

“Thanks. He’s..crying. He’s out right now but he’s been doing it all night. Crying and sleeping then waking up and crying again. I’ve been keeping him hydrated but talking him out of bed is a no go. I called Natasha to let Nick know, she said she’s got it covered so that’s a plus.”

Sam took a sip of his own coffee, assessing the information, “Poor Steve. I mean I know near the end Tony was getting really weird but I don’t think he meant to do that he just gets jealous, he always gets jealous so it’s not new. He never did anything wrong choosing his work over Steve, we all knew that. He’s a smart guy, he’s a damn genius! No one’s surprised and Steve falls hard for people. When he goes, he goes hard and then he can’t let go. I think they both had to look at things in a bigger picture. It’s going to hurt but I think it’s the right thing for the both of them. I spoke to Rhodey, he was saying a few times Tony had missed things with work, calculations, signing the right forms and he would brush it off as a hiccup or someone mixing up something on him. But he doesn’t make those kind of mistakes, he was probably distracted and that’s not good for him just like Steve wasn’t happy where he was and too afraid to admit it.”

Bucky ran his finger over the lip of his to-go cup, swiping at the drop of coffee threatening to fall off the lid giving Sam a small nod, “Yeah, makes sense. I haven’t been around too long but it looked like this was a good thing.”

The realization finally dawned that Sam Wilson was dressed in sweatpants and a t-shirt with an overnight bag, “Wilson, are you sleeping over?”

A small smile crept over his face glad Bucky finally noticed, “If Steve will have me Barnes, best friends gotta take care of best friends.”

“Oh,” Bucky threw an arm around the brunette’s shoulders leading him out of the doorway to kick the door closed behind them, “You’re more than welcome if it’s going to make Steve smile. Besides, he started to randomly listen to Taylor Swift at around eight this morning and I really like the guy but I’m about two seconds from strangling him if he doesn’t change the music soon. Even when he sleeps it’s on, I considered dosing myself and hoping for the best.”

Sam laughed, “That’s Steve for you. The last break up I was party to, he was listening to 'Don't Speak' on repeat. I used to like that song but nowadays not so much.” 

Bucky grinned, leading him to the hall, “I’m gonna try to make him one of those gross protein shakes he obsesses over with bananas and junk, see if he’ll have it. I’ll be there in a bit.” 

Nodding to him, Sam made his way into the bedroom, Nanook greeting him from the bed and running over for a pet before he sat on the bed to see how Steve was getting along, lowering the volume on his phone.

Bucky gathered up all the ingredients he needed and dumped it all unceremoniously into the blender making a long face from the stink of the off putting scent of ‘vanilla’ or whatever it was supposed to be and capping the top before turning it on and watching the concoction turn from a few colors to a very deep purplish red, grabbing one of Steve’s on the go bottles and filling it nearly to the brim. It didn’t smell as weird coming out of the blender but he still had his reservations, taking it back to the room where Sam was lightly talking to Steve with his back against the headboard and Steve absently staring out the window with his back to them and Nook laid out over both their legs.

“Hey Stevie,” He said himself down on the edge the direction Steve was facing and held out the shake, “I got you something to drink.”

Steve took a glance and shook his head, “I’m not really feeling good Buck, thank you anyway.” 

Frowning, he gingerly prodded at a shoulder, “Steve, c’mon please? I made it with some fruit like you like it. Some bananas and berries and some kale too. It’s gotta be amazing right?”

Steve looked at him tiredly and Bucky smiled, taking a sip through the straw expectantly looking pleased before his face soured and he winced, “Oh..oh no, that’s really gross. How do you drink this all the time? Ew.”

A small grunted laugh choked out of Steve, reaching his hand up to take the travel cup from him. He refused to sit up, tilting it at an angle still against the pillows and Bucky was glad he put a lid on that sucker. Steve took a small taste as Bucky’s shoulders dropped slightly, relieved he was even taking a sip, eyes glancing at Sam a second before going back to the blond. 

“It tastes fine..” He sipped at it again, clicking his tongue as he analyzed the taste, “A bit too much banana but it’s good Buck.”

“It’s gross though, you drink this stuff every day?”

He frowned at him, sipping it automatically now that he had a taste for it again, “Well, not every day but a lot of them.”

Bucky watched him drinking at it a bit at a time and made no effort to point it out, pleased with himself even though it definitely tasted gross and was about to go wash his mouth out. He assumed Steve had no taste buds because that man had no idea what he was talking about. Sam was only grinning wide behind Steve’s back and giving Bucky a very subtle thumbs up.

Before Bucky could pick up on it, the lingering taste of the fruit caused his stomach to rumble and he raised his brows in his forgetfulness to feed himself or offer Sam anything, “I should probably cook something. Do you want eggs Sam? I can make us some eggs, maybe bacon.”

The brunette nodded, “Sure that would be nice thank you.”

Grinning goofily over his triumph against Steve’s depression, he practically skipped to the kitchen while Nanook hopped off the bed and followed after him hoping for some breakfast of his own.

Sam came out from the bedroom and through the living room after a little bit catching Bucky in the kitchen staring blankly into the pan while cooking eggs and it looked off but he didn’t think much of it, “Well it’s a no go on eggs definitely, but on the bright side he drank all of that protein shake you made so that’s something.”

It was when he got closer did he notice not everything was what it seemed, the sizzling eggs started to emit smoke and Nanook sat at Bucky’s feet staring up at him, his dog food only half eaten like he stopped midway, instead he was pawing softly and trying to bat at his leg.

“Bucky?”

The dog’s head turned to Sam then back to Bucky, bumping his head against his thigh. Sam took his steps a little faster, placing himself up beside the brunette, resting a hand delicately on his shoulder.

“Bucky?” 

Head suddenly snapped up, the spatula falling away from Bucky’s hand while Sam quickly pulled the fry pan off the element and rested it on a cool one, turning it off. Blinking a few times, Bucky looked from him to Nanook, watching the dog sniff at the utensil curiously before looking up at Bucky again.

“Sam? Sorry I guess I was daydreaming..” He turned to the pan, blinking at it in surprise, “I burnt the eggs, dammit I’m sorry.”

Bucky stooped to get the spatula from off the floor and Sam didn’t miss the way his hands were trembling, one disappearing into thick fluffy fur.

“Hey, you okay?”

Flashing him a smile, Bucky nodded, the same hand going into his jeans pocket, “I’m good. Just a little tired, you know with all the Steve being upset stuff, I didn’t get much sleep. It’s fine.”

He watched Bucky lift the pan and scrape the blackened eggs into the trash, hitting the water to wash it out. Sam only studied him warily, knowing he was lying through his teeth especially with Nanook dead focused on him and not leaving his side. Sam was the one that taught him to do that to indicate stress and anxiety, they were trained to read it, to be ready for it and make sure it was addressed. Nanook was trained for worse things than that but right now Bucky looked decently together, which was good in Sam’s point of view but he wasn’t going to fault Bucky with the biggest lie detector he’d ever used, instead he said nothing, nodding to him like he believed him and tore open the ration of bacon, grabbing a second pan for it.

Bucky did look tired from skipping out on sleep most likely though, he assumed it was also from the assault still fresh on the surface for him even if he was trying to put it aside. Sam knew it didn’t work that way but it wasn’t his place to step in, not sure Barnes even trusted him that way in the first place, instead he worked passively, pulling away at the wrapper to open it wider and waiting for the heat to evenly warm the surface before he was laying them out to cook.

“I have only one class today and got my paper done so I asked if I could just not come in for the class, also called in to the VA to make sure they weren’t expecting me there. I’ll be hanging out here if you wanted to run any errands you put off.”

Bucky paused over the sink, hand resting on the tap to turn it off but leaving it there as he looked over at Sam who didn’t look at him expectantly, instead he focused on the bacon.

“You’re gonna be here all day? Not just here then leave and maybe come back later?”

“Well the plans to spend the night worked for Steve and since all my main affairs are in order there's no point to leave anymore for today. Maybe we could get him to watch a movie or maybe take a shower..he definitely needs a shower sometime today.”

“Yeah, maybe.” Bucky let out, turning back to the pan and poking at it again with the spatula.

Sam watched him carefully from the corner of his eye, turning over strips and whistling softly to himself. Bucky eventually shifted to rest his back against the counter, reaching over and petting Nanook between the ears as the canine waited for him and refused to take his eyes off his owner.

“Hey, if you’re here..do you think Steve would be mad if I went to see the others?”

Flashing him a kind reassuring smile, Sam shook his head after feigning a moment of thought, “It might be a good idea for you if that’s what you had planned. He’s unhappy and he’s going to be that way for a little bit. You look like you could use a good nap.”

Choking out a small laugh, Bucky nodded in agreement as he rubbed the back of his shoulder, “Yeah probably a good idea.”

Grabbing a few paper towels, Sam lined them up on a plate and began laying out the bacon on top, “Come back fresh tomorrow and switch places with me.”

Bucky stole a couple pieces, taking a bite out of them at the same time while Sam started on the eggs all over again.

“Sure, sounds good.”

*****

Natasha sat on the couch folding the last of the laundry when she heard a thud on the other side of the front door and set the basket to the floor before heading that way. Liho was paying a visit today and hopped off the couch to follow her with Lucky joining hot on their heels. Nat opened the door to Bucky rummaging through his bag, half leaning on the outside frame of the door and he looked up with a surprised blink, cheeks red from the cold and his peacoat undone.

“Oh hey! You’re home, I was looking for my keys- ” He heard a jingle and pulled them out with a few others, a relieved smile crossing his face, “There they are.” 

He smiled but Natasha was giving him a concerned look and he felt himself waver a little, watching her step forward and wrap her arms around him, warm and tight as she pressed her head against his chest. 

“I’m fine Nat, I’m- ” He trailed off and hugged her back, letting the words get lost somewhere around him and she eventually drew back just to pull him inside and get the door closed.

“You need to stop lying James but I’ll let it pass. Are you hungry?”

He watched her walk into the kitchen hitting the button on the kettle, Liho managing to use Bucky's jeans as a climbing post and then balance off his coat until they were perched on his shoulder, Lucky getting a scratch behind his ears. The electric kettle made a sound as Nat peeked her head in one of the cabinets and was holding a mug. She looked back at him and he shook his head as she put a teabag into the cup. 

“I’m not offering you any vodka..” 

He shook his head again as he gingerly pulled Liho off his shoulder and pressed the cat against his chest instead while wiggling his arm out of his coat. The water fiercely boiled before the machine automatically shut itself off and Natasha was pouring hot water into the mug before she was wrangling the peacoat off his other arm and hanging it by the door. She took the cat and handed him a cup of mint tea, hand absently brushing along his hair before she steered him to the stairs. 

“Good, time for sleep then.”

In his room, Puiule moved around in his little tank when he caught movement and Bucky smiled at him turning to see Natasha go into his drawer and rest a pair of pajamas on the bed before she was off with Liho in her arms still, cradling the stray like a baby and it was so adorable not that he was going to say that out loud. 

He stripped down to his briefs and pulled on his sleepwear while Lucky hopped up and got himself situated on the opposite end Bucky never used. Under the covers and laid out on his side, the sheets smelled fresh and clean, soaking into the scent like it was _home_ and he felt a soft weight land by his feet, Liho climbing up his leg and settling against his ribs.

He wasn’t entirely sure why he felt like crying, it was confusing and weird when he was trying to focus on Steve being upset and hoping Sam’s company was making him feel better. Soon Natasha came back in her own PJ’s and she shifted herself into the space between Bucky and Lucky, everyone getting covered up except the cat who was purring away contently as it was curled up in itself and already falling asleep. 

Natasha’s fingers returned to petting his hair and he relaxed into it, eyelids lowering and his hand tucking under his chin.

“How many times do I have to remind you to sleep?” 

“Too many.”

“You’re not responsible for his happiness James.”

He drew in a low breath, “I know..”

“You have to take care of yourself.”

He nodded, studying the green in her eyes, face terse as she pursed her lips together. She drew her index finger down the line of his nose and traced the pad of it along his cheekbones, thumb trying to smudge out the darkness dwelling under his eyes.

“Sometimes I see his face, not Steve’s.. How he was smiling and how I don’t recall how he did it. I can explicitly remember everything up to a certain point, the second drink maybe. I picture it, but it’s like I can’t be sure I saw it or if someone fed it to me for my head. I got my first drink, I remember stirring the straw around and then everything is in weird fragments like cut up pictures someone randomly keeps handing me pieces of. I don’t know Nat, I keep trying to _understand_ things, put some kind of sense to it.” 

Moving up so she was shouldering their pillow, Natasha put her arms out and he moved into them like he always did, tucking his head under her chin, her own eyes closing as she held him.

“You know it’s not possible to understand some people James and you don’t owe it to them to try. I know you want answers but I’m not sure you’re going to get any. What he did was wrong and it’s the only thing you need to remember, you did nothing to encourage him or give him an idea you were interested. None. He only imagined that and he was willing to further things along without your consent to make it true, he’s sick and that’s all on him. Don’t torture yourself but also,” She ran her hand down along his back and then slowly moved it back up again, “Don’t push it aside for Steve. I know you want to be there for him but he’ll come back from his pain. You shouldn’t have to stop taking care of yourself for him.” 

She drew his head back just enough to stare at his face, “And Steve doesn’t want you doing that either. No matter what he says or how much he needs you to console him right now you know in your heart he wants you to be safe and happy. You know that.” 

He was numb inside but nodded against her hand letting her tuck him against her chest again.

“Everything is going to be alright, Kotyonok.” 

He was okay when Jo said it but today he wasn’t sure if it was true anymore.

*****

To Brock’s surprise when the front door opened and closed, he wasn’t expecting rapid footsteps telling him Bucky was coming up and there he was, backpack tossed on the couch and he was practically bowling over Jack as threw his arms around his middle, colliding sideways into him and Jack caught himself on one foot but lost control of the remote, bouncing across with the floor.

“Jackie.”

He laughed, draping an arm around Bucky’s shoulders, “Hey you. How’re you holdin’ up with, you know being a councilor?”

They both parked down on the couch and Bucky grabbed the remote, flipping through as he shrugged, “He’s really upset still, Sam came this morning to spend time with him tonight. He keeps crying about this and that, it’s tough.”

Brock snorted from the kitchen, “He shoulda seen it comin’..”

Rolling his eyes, he looked at Jack, “Just needs time, I think he’ll be okay.”

“Kiddo whadda ya wanna eat tonight? Pizza?”

Bucky sat up straighter, turning to the kitchen and Brock was leaning against the frame with a smirk across his face.

“Ravioli!”

“Ziti?

“Ravioli!”

“What about spaghetti alla puttanesca?”

Bucky was frowning and going red, Jack tried not to laugh because this was their spiel all the damn time. Brock would pretend he wasn’t preparing pasta dough in the kitchen while Bucky didn’t go nosing around for it and then they would go into a debate on what they would eat and if Bucky didn’t get his precious ravioli he would hold his breath or go on a hunger strike. He chose to hold his breath this time, Brock laughing and running over to push his cheeks in when Bucky held in a mouthful of air, soft floured hand prints on his face stayed behind and he tried not to laugh at Rumlow.

“What does his highness want as a fillin’? Lobster?”

Sticking his tongue out in disgust, he crinkled his nose and held up seven fingers, “Seven cheese or bust.”

“Kid, I don’t have the effort to roll you outta here. ‘Sides, I don’t think I got all the cheese.”

Jack smiled, gesturing for Brock to go back into the kitchen, “Stop bullshitting him, I know you bought all the cheese, get back in that kitchen and whip him up his favorite.”

Beaming, Bucky watched him turn back to the kitchen but not before flashing Rollins a dirty look, “Rums, do you need any help?”

“Nah I got it, you two hens go on with yer gossip.”

Picking up the remote off his leg, Bucky threw it right at Brock’s back, nailing him in the shoulder blade and watched him jump forward before he turned his head, “Hey, I ain’t gonna make your dinner if you do that again!”

Batting lashes, Bucky grinned, “Yeah you will.”

“Fuckin’ asshole.” 

When Bucky was sure Rumlow was out of earshot he lightly hit Jack in the chest, “So how are you doing?”

Jack didn’t wanna look at him mostly because he was still trying to sort out his dreams as of late and he knew Buck wasn’t asking like it was about the weather, he wanted to know if he was getting the same dirty dreams.

“I’m alright.” 

His mind snorted out _bullshit_ in sheer mockery of what he was really dreaming as of late and he ignored it, looking over, “Still got the dreams going on, I just try to ignore it mostly and not act weird around Brock. I think he’s got some ideas though..on and off. Calls me out when I’m being different or gives me a weird look but mainly I can derail him and he forgets to pester me.”

Bucky leaned against the couch, “You should just tell him, he’d probably be flattered you’re banging each other.”

“Shh!” He hissed out, kicking Bucky’s foot. 

Dinner came and went, Bucky hanging off Jack like he was pregnant with his own child and teetering this way and that over just how much he ate.

“Oh my god Rummy I love you so much right now.” He sighed happily, taking a moment to perch on the arm of the couch and breathe a little, tugging his jeans down a little to pat his tummy just over his navel. 

Rollins tried not to laugh as Brock brought out some beers and a glass of wine, crashing down the center of the couch patting his own stomach as Bucky sat down beside him and imitated him with a sad groan while curled up against his side like a big baby he was. Jack sat down in the armchair he favored, face stoic again but they both knew he was mentally doing the same as them trying to cope through the food coma of eating way too much food and hoping the feeling would pass rather quickly.

“Hey, gotta keep you two idiots fed. Both kept me fed back when.”

“Mhm,” Jack sighed as he leaned back, “Now we’re paying for it.”

Brock let Bucky pass through channels as dropped an arm against the couch behind Bucky and absently played with his fluffy hair, trying to get in a comfortable position while his friend was dead weight against his side.

“Oh, the original Iron Chef is on!”

“We just ate.” Jack griped out but he was curious on the secret ingredient just as much as Bucky was.

Brock settled with a wine in hand and let his eyes close, fingers absently tangling in wisps of Bucky’s hairs and he knew when Bucky brought his feet up, pressing his body tighter against his. A hum slipped away at his side and he only smiled, happy and content, if not a little uncomfortable but he could deal with it. 

Half the program breezed through before there was a knock at the door and then it opened, closing immediately after and plastic bags echoed back at them before footsteps started up and Clint popped in, setting down a supply of chips and other junk food. He did a quick wave at everyone and their food babies, holding one fist out for Bucky to bump and Bucky extended out his arm, tapping their knuckles together with a playful grin before Clint set straight for the kitchen, cabinet squeaking open and a plate scraping against another as he grabbed one out. 

Bucky had to waddle forward to reach for the closest bags and take a peek, rustling through a package before tearing it open and he had a cola bottle gummy hanging out of his mouth.

“Buck, are you fuckin’ joking right now?” Brock asked with one eye open and fixed on him.

“So good though!” He whined, falling back against the couch and lifting his shirt up to soothe his aching belly again.

Soon Clint came back with sauce stuck to lips and a plate piled full of ravioli trying to decide whether he wanted to stretch out on the empty side of the L junction couch or sit beside Bucky. Brock gave him a look before he placed the flat back of his hand under his chin with his palm down and bent his hand several times at his knuckles like he was flapping one wing of a bird signing _pig_ at him, one of the few words he did know in ASL. 

Dropping himself down at Bucky’s other side Clint huffed at him, food half chewed in his mouth, “I’m hungry!” 

Bucky gently poked Barton at his side, “Where’s Nat?”

“She said sorry but she was feeling under the weather.”

Jack got up to look in the bag and take one of the gummy candies before parking himself between Brock and Bucky and making the couch unbearably stuffed in itself. He raised his brows at Clint, “So why are you here?”

Clint shrugged helplessly, “She told me to go, think she wanted me out of her hair. Liho is still there curled up with her like a hot water bottle, Lucky’s all in her space too. She just wanted to lay in bed and read, think she’s just feeling queasy.”

Leaning back with his arms against the couch, Bucky grinned, “I’m kidnapping your baby, just letting it be known now so it’s not a big surprise.” 

Nudging Bucky in the ribs, Jack nodded to him, “You can hide at my place, we can raise it together.”

Suddenly excited, the brunette nodded eagerly, “Yes! Me and you Jackie, the hottest gays in your building.” 

They shook on it and Brock rolled his eyes, groaned as he palmed a hand over his face, “Jesus Christ. Look what you’re subjectin’ your future kid to Barton.” 

Clint only smiled, trying to stuff more ravioli into his already crammed mouth.

*****

“You stupid- !”

Bucky stomped his foot, shaking the controller with one hand and Brock came out of the kitchen with a trio of beers and another glass of wine just catching the tail end of popcorn flying towards the TV with Bucky’s other hand.

“Hey Kiddo! Maybe you got someone to clean up after you throw shit in your house but unless you’re gonna pick up each fuckin' kernel off the damn floor you cut that shit out in _my_ damn house!”

Bucky paused the game, shrugging helplessly, “But I,” He turned to Jack for support who only took his beer and made a gesture agreeing with Brock and with mouth agape Bucky turned back to Rumlow, “This stupid mission is so frustrating though!”

“Don’t wreck my house!” Brock sighed, gesturing towards the screen, “What mission ya doin’?”

Huffing out in frustration, Bucky shook his head as he wiggled the controller at the screen, “The one where you have to fight your way through and those ballistics juggernauts just keep killing me.”

Placing the other drinks down on the table, Brock rubbed his hands over his jeans to dry them from the condensation, “That’s because you’re more stealth than combative, here..”

He nudged Bucky over to get him to move, taking the controller and giving his behind a smack watching him fall into Jack. The brunette made a small sound of disapproval at him and flopped down on the couch again unceremoniously using Rollins’ thigh as a pillow and pressing his feet into Brock’s ribs like a brat he was.

Brock didn’t look over, moving Bucky’s character through as the level started, easily dispatching the first wave of enemies, “Get your stinkass feet off my fuckin’ arm before I shove you off the couch.”

Smiling up at Jack before he gave him a wink, Bucky wiggled them under Brock’s arm and rested them in his lap as Brock shifted back on the couch to get more comfortable.

It didn’t take long for Brock and Jack to start communicating in their weird _soulmates_ kind of deal, when they began to play together; Brock being insanely good at shooter games by default but when you had Jack Rollins at your six it was a whole new ball game for the both of them. 

Bucky’s eyes casually looked over at Clint who was already in the wings waiting for him to catch his own eyes and they tried to keep it to themselves, Brock setting the next level up to its highest difficulty before starting it up and if he and Clint weren’t there he felt like the pair of them would have ended up screwing on the couch. Actually Bucky wasn’t even sure he should be this close to Jack’s dick just by the vocal drop of his voice going low and authoritative as he watched Brock’s blind spots and set traps to keep him in the best position to pick out enemies from a protected distance. 

Bucky didn’t want to get an eye poked out.

So maybe he was exaggerating just a little bit but there was no mistaking the tone and trying not to maybe giggle a tiny bit over it, he saw Clint was thinking the exact same thing and trying to stuff his face to keep from saying something or laughing. 

Brock for his part was like a fish in water over it, going one way but changing at the drop of a hat when Jack told him so, strategic in his own wake but he trusted Jack’s tactical knowledge and this was only for a damn video game. The pair of them suddenly too serious and it was too amusing plus maybe a little fascinating how these two _didn’t_ see the way they kept setting up and complimenting each other. 

Clint subtly pointed at the both of them with his hand resting on his leg and then made a motion involving his index finger forming a circle with his thumb and slipping his other finger through and Bucky snorted lightly, pressing a hand to his mouth. 

“Whatever you’re snickering about, stop it. You too, Clint.” Jack interrupted not taking his eyes off the screen because two huge behemoth ‘men’ built like fridges were currently trying to kill him with gatling guns in their hands attached to heavy packs on their backs and were pointed right at him while Brock was somewhere on the second floor of a building fighting a horde of enemies he rerouted to keep off Rollins.

It was both a mess and amazing to watch , the pair of them moving with ease like this wasn’t an issue at all for them, which he supposed it wasn’t, listening to Jack mutter out ‘left’, or ‘guys to the north’ and Brock processing like he was a step in tune with Rollins. Bucky pulled himself to sit up and move beside Clint because now they were both into it and Brock and Jack migrated side by side, thighs and arms pressed close. 

It was Bucky first who took a picture of them, a keepsake because he loved his two boneheads and Clint took one and sent it to Natasha who as per usual sent him a message back filled with kiss emoji’s and hearts a few minutes later. He grinned to himself and showed Bucky.

“I’m tellin’ ya Barnesy. So much UST going on in this room.”

“Brock, that was a flash grenade!”

“You said to throw it!”

“I said to throw a regular grenade you deaf hobbit!”

“Fuckin’ show you throwin’!”

Clint and Bucky ducked from a controller flying past their heads.

Well, that was fun while it lasted.

*****

Bucky ended up rooming in the guest bedroom with Jack after Clint took his leave once the movies were finished. He wanted more details about Jack’s filthy dreams but to his disappointment Rollins was being all tight lipped about it, sort of.

“I’m not gonna tell you _what_ we were doing in it, I can’t. It’s embarrassing.” Jack climbed under the covers pulling the blanket up to his chest as he stared up at the ceiling absently, hands folded over his stomach.

Bucky did the same, turning onto his side to watch Jack with his hand tucked against his cheek, reaching over to poke him, “Oh c’mon. Can’t be worse than me..wait Pacha did you two get into some BDSM kink stuff? What did you do to Brock? Wait let me guess, handcuffs and blindfolds right? Or wait do you tie him up to the bed and tease him mercilessly, oh man you probably do you weirdo. Gag him too so he doesn’t talk back because you know he would and then you could- ”

Jack began laughing lightly, facepalming himself and shaking his head, “Bucky, _stop_.”

Bucky raised his brows, pulling the blanket up to his chin, “So it’s true?”

“No, it’s not true. I just have normal vanilla sex with him and on occasion some stuff that wasn’t anything special and before you ask no I’m not telling you.”

Pouting, Bucky rolled onto his back to look up at the ceiling, “Doggy?”

“ _Oh my God_.”

They were silent in the darkness and softly Bucky was tapping his fingers against the back of his hand.

“Missionary.”

“Oh, that explains your awkwardness. Face to face then looking at that face in person.”

“Exactly.” 

“Poor Jackie.”

He hummed in agreement, “Poor Jackie.” 

All the good feelings and jabs ended in the middle of the night when they got some shut eye and things were calm as far as Bucky knew until he felt a hand roughly shake him, the lingering feeling that there was a lighter shake prior to it but he maybe thought he was dreaming it.

“Bucky.”

His eyes opened abruptly to Jack kneeling over him with a concerned look across his face and he was confused for a moment before he realized he was shaking. An awful tingling sensation that ran over him like his entire body was overcome with pins and needles. There was nothing else to it, it was just some sort of trembling in him that he couldn’t pinpoint aside from it being stemmed from anxiety that was nothing like a seizure.

“Jack.”

“Whadda ya need?” 

He shook his head at him, pulling at him.

“Wha- ”

Words barely fell out of him as Bucky tugged and brought him on top and it was then he realized what Bucky meant. He shifted so he wasn't pressing his entire body weight on the brunette but easily covering him with the bulk of his body from head to toe, hushing him softly and holding him tight to his body. Bucky was trembling, nothing violent or where it would cause him harm but it was uncontrollable, his whole body was shaking so much he could hear his teeth softly chattering. He was a little familiar with this, had seen it once before in person and Brock held him. It was a while ago and he never really thought he would see it again this bad.

“Do I need to call an ambulance?”

He made a soft sound in the negative, curling his face against Jack's neck, fresh wet tears falling against his skin, “S-sorry.”

“Shh, don’t apologize okay? It's just involuntary, you can't control this stuff, just feel me breathing.” 

He curled himself tighter around Bucky like a human blanket, resting the side of his head against Bucky's shoulder, whispering gently with his fingers curling around his hair making all attempts to ease him, “You're alright kiddo.”

Jack could feel Bucky easing out of his tremors, nodding into his skin and he could breathe easier once he stopped hearing chattering teeth and twitching fingers.

“You need to talk about this to someone sloneczko, you know I wouldn’t say this stuff just to hear my own voice. Bottling it up isn’t helping, it's just stressing you out further.”

Bucky only sighed against him but he nodded as well, fingers tightly gripping around the sleeve of Rollins’ t-shirt.

Some minutes passed before Bucky shifted out of a light sleep and Jack was pulling off him, his eyes opening and a hand lightly patted the one he had resting to the side.

“I’ll be right back.”

He was falling asleep again, feeling too tired when Jack was pulling him close against his side, an arm keeping him up tight and firm. Bucky ran a hand over his face, all the uncomfortable sensations of panic and worry rolling away. A water bottle unscrewed and Jack pressed a hand under his chin, bottle against Bucky's lips, “Drink."

A small sound of refusal slipped out of him and he tried to pull back but fingers held him firm in place, just enough to hold him but not to hurt.

“Come on sloneczko, drink some water for me huh?"

Fingers eased a little as Bucky took a couple of wary sips, hiccuping softly after drinking a little bit more and Jack pulled the bottle away, hand rubbing against his back and giving it a light pat. 

“You bring your pills?"

Bucky nodded, “In the front pocket."

Jack maneuvered him to lay down and looked around trying to find Bucky’s backpack in the darkness. He sat back down with a pill in hand and the water uncapped, Bucky followed silent orders and swallowed it down with some water. 

He sniffed lightly, watching Jack settle back under the covers and get himself comfortable on his back.

“Did Brock hear anything?”

He turned his head as Bucky pulled the blanket over himself, “Nah, he was passed the hell out when I went to go make sure he wasn’t going to get all paternal on you if he heard anything. Time to sleep.”

Laying out on his side, Jack carefully put his arm out and Bucky moved in, resting his head against his shoulder and tucked his arms up against Jack’s side while closing his eyes.

“Thanks Jackie.” 

He let out a small grunt and curled his arm in across Bucky’s shoulders, “Sleep.”

*****

Bucky climbed out between the ropes as Jack stepped down against one for him, Brock behind the both of them in the center of the ring with his hood pulled over his sweat soaked hair shadow boxing away. Bucky hopped down to the mats below, tugging a towel off at the side to mop up his face, loathing how damp and overheated he felt even though he was only wearing a tank and long shorts.

Jack chuckled behind him, leaning against the top rope with a fond grin across his face, “Comes with the territory Kid, you’ll get used to it.”

Glancing up at him, overhead lights glinting off the sweat across bare shoulders, Rollins’ navy tank soaked through and Jack only looked like he belonged on the cover of some men’s fitness magazine. Bucky, not so much. 

He frowned towards him, “I have to come back to this? I’m so gross and wet, I don’t like it. I get the self defense refresher, I know it’s great to show me how to box and all that shit but I’m too fat for this Jack.”

“Just your ass!” Brock shot out, giving the air a right hook and shuffling his feet back, eyes focused on his invisible opponent. 

“Leave him alone,” Jack broke in with a turn of his head before Bucky could even open his mouth, shrugging when he turned back, “He’s a little right though, eating all that processed junk isn’t going to help you later when you’re getting sick from it.”

Bucky waved him off, “Maybe I’ll try again, gettin’ hungry though.”

“You just ate a couple hours ago you said.”

“Just pop tarts.” 

Brock’s scoff echoed through the area and Jack smiled, “Eat some real food, Jesus Christ Bucky.”

“Alright, for you assholes I’ll eat a kale salad and have some water with a side of air.”

“Ain’t gotta be that extreme.”

Bucky smiled at him and started to head for the locker room.

Brock sucked in a lungful of air, brushing the back of his wrist across his forehead before he shook his arms out and bounced from foot to foot as he approached to rope beside Jack, “Hey Buck, come out with us. Gonna run some errands, go do some target practice and shit. We’ll get home have some beers and make cacciatore, watch Evil Dead and Reservoir Dogs.” 

Bucky glanced back over his shoulder, he immediately felt guilty because usually he would have said yes, “Maybe some other time, I gotta shower and get going.”

Tilting his head curiously as he pulled down his hood, Brock studied him, “To where? Don’t tell me you're goin’ over to see Rogers.”

“Rummy..”

Unraveling the tape around his gloves, the male only shrugged, “You don’t owe him nothin’ Kiddo.”

Bucky stood where he was but turned around, shaking his head and sighing lightly, “I know I don’t Brock, I want to be there for him alright? He’s upset, I gotta make sure he’s going to get better sooner rather than later and not doing anything like drinking himself unconscious.”

Opening his mouth to say something Brock was interrupted when Jack nudged his friend lightly and smiled at Bucky, “Go on, we’ll see you tomorrow.”

Giving them a smile, Bucky turned back towards the locker rooms and headed that way, but he saw the tense set shoulders Brock wore, tucking himself away by a blind wall just to make sure they weren’t fighting like they did sometimes when Brock felt like fussing.

“What the hell was that? You Rogers’ best friend now? I fuckin’ saw you bought him a gift on your way over there last week and now you’re tellin’ Buck to go over there like it ain’t nothin’.”

“Because it’s not. And _yeah_ , I bought him a damn gift, _a token_ for kicking someone’s ass that deserved it. I don’t give a shit about who you think he is, him and Johnny saved Buck from something grim. You can act like a stick is up your ass all you like, I ain’t following your choices. If that was _anyone else_ you woulda been inviting him for dinner and making him an honorary best friend for it. Just because Steve was the one to dole out the punishment, you act like a scolded child.”

“I ain’t. Look, anyone dishin’ out justice on a damn attempted _rape_ is always gonna be good in my books, trust me. Whoever does it is gonna get my nod of approval, sure they are but that ain’t it. Rogers is kinda screwy Jack, for fuck sakes he got the Kid a _dog_ like it’s normal. You don’t give him a dog, are you nuts? Where’s he gonna put him right now, oh wait he’s offerin’ to house the thing ‘til Buck finds his own place. How fuckin’ lucky for him! They’re gonna play house now more than they were, one roof, one dog, got ‘im wearing his keys around his neck like a weddin’ ring Jack. Stark jus’ dropped ‘im, it’s gonna be a whole fine mess the second he starts lurin’ Buck in with some need to feel wanted again, you know that right? If he uses Bucky as a rebound just so he can get his dick wet, I swear this shit won’t be pretty. I’ll fuck him up worse than that asshole at the club, I’m warnin’ ya, all of you. That one’s still fuckin’ alive on a damn machine. This is a bad idea.”

Bucky leaned against the wall, conversation ceasing as Jack let out a loud sigh, the sound of more tape stripping and gloves hitting the mat. He shook his head, heading down the hallway and hitting the showers.

*****

Jack caught him outside, Brock’s Impala gone and Bucky caught him rubbing his leg lightly as he sat at one of the benches to the side.

“Hey.”

Crushing his shoe down on the butt of his smoke, he gave Bucky a warm smile as he got up, “Mind if I tag along with you and drop you off? I have to get some things from my place before I head to Brock’s and we need to talk.”

Bucky felt slightly tense, peering at him as he gripped his backpack strap nervously, “Look, if it’s about Steve..I was kind of listening in and I just don’t want to get into a beef about it.”

Waving his hand tiredly away Jack shook his head, standing beside him as they waited for the cab to arrive, “It’s about me..and Brock.”

Now Bucky was intrigued, looking over and watching him curiously, also catching the way Jack was putting his weight to one side.

“What about Brock?”

Staring off at absolutely nothing, Bucky only waited patiently, studying body language and not attempting to put his two cents in, not now at least.

“I kinda threatened a guy at the bar last week.”

Bucky grabbed his arm and pulled just a little, only so Jack would look at him and he tried not to smile, “Okay please explain because threatening a guy doesn’t explain to me what you were saying about Brock..wait did you threaten a guy because of Brock?”

“Maybe.”

“ _Jack_.”

He shrugged, posture tense like he was suddenly being lectured, “Yeah okay. Maybe. Some asshole was lookin’ at him! I don’t know, he was staring like..like he was a piece of meat okay? It was bullshit and Brock didn’t even notice. He was talking to the girls about the gym and that was fine, I just didn’t like the guy staring at him. He was just, I don’t know. Gave me a feelin’ you know?”

Drawing in a breath carefully, Bucky looped an arm around Jack’s and tried his best to keep his tone simple and calm, “..And what did you do?”

“Well nothing, at first. I was at the bar drinking and eventually the guy came over to get some drinks for them. I made some comment saying Brock wouldn’t notice him and the guy didn’t say nothin’ so I assumed maybe he was too chickenshit to approach Brock which would have been fine but then he leans in and I think he was trying to get me to introduce him or something. I don’t know Buck. I just said the first thing that came to mind and I shouldn’t have.”

“Jack,” Bucky raised his brows, Rollins was literally collecting sweat at his forehead and it was cold outside, “What the fuck did you say to him?”

His friend groaned, “I pretty much told him I’d end him. I cut him off before he could say what he wanted to say and told him I would end him. He shut up, assumed I was Brock’s boyfriend, apologized and that was it. I didn’t fucking correct him, I was happy he got the picture. I don’t know Buck, I don’t know.”

Everything fell into a silence between them before a soft chuckle fell out of Bucky, pulling Jack tight to his side before he got offended and pulled back, the chuckle quickly evolving into laughter and he fell against his friend, laughing harder into his hoodie, his other hand gripping it tightly as he buried his face into the material.

Jack frowned at him, “Last time I admit anything to you.”

Bucky pulled his head back and tried to calm himself down, tears prickling at his eyes and dampening his lashes as he made a small sound of unhappiness over his comment even though he couldn’t stop himself.

“Jack no! No! I’m sorry!” He hiccuped back some laughs, trying to wipe the wetness at his eyes, a shrill amused sound fighting to come out but he was trying his hardest to keep it back. His face pressed against Jack’s arm again, “I’m sorry.”

He pulled back when he felt comfortable enough to take a breath, pressing a kiss against his shoulder, grinning stupidly, “I told you Pacha, you love him. You have feelings for him. I told you. Now you’re thinking about it and,” He shrugged a little, temple pressed against Rollins’, “You want to be that.”

Jack fumbled out another cigarette and lit it with one hand since his other arm was held hostage, “This is your fault.”

This time Bucky didn’t argue with him, nodding instead and patting Jack’s stomach, “I know. I had to be reality and you don’t want it.”

“I _really_ don’t want it.” He agreed with the cigarette hanging off the corner of his mouth, glowering a little and still in disbelief of how easy it was to be an asshole when it came to keeping Brock for himself. _For himself_. Jesus fucking Christ.

Bucky stole the cigarette from him when he was finally settled, leaning against the solid frame beside him as he took one drag and flicked it away into a lingering puddle, gesturing to the cab arriving before he got scolded. 

“So, you finally going to admit you wanna be with Brock?”

“I don’t know what I wanna admit Kid, I just don’t like this. Not one bit.” 

Settling for what he got, Bucky climbed into the cab after him with a gentle smile knowing he shouldn’t push so instead he hit his leg lightly, “Put your leg up on my lap, I’ll give you a massage on the way to Steve’s. It’s acting up again isn’t it? Shoulda told Brock, stupid.”

Jack snorted, shifting his body so he was in the corner and rested his leg across Bucky’s thighs, hands instantly working through the pain built up there with bunched nerves and Jack let his head fall back as he stared up at nothing.

“I was afraid of asking him to because, you know. Lately..”

Bucky didn’t look at him, shrugging a little as he worked effortlessly knowing the way Brock went through this with Jack and mimicking his practice, “Your dick having a mind of its own? I don’t think he’d care, and you could always wear something heavy and just pull it off and rest it onto your lap.”

“He’d just tell me to fucking move it when he was working on my upper thigh.”

Glancing over, Bucky smirked, “Hey maybe when he saw it he would totally blow you.”

All he got in response was a punch to the arm and Bucky went back to working on easing the tension in his leg with a shake of his head, “Just lay on your stomach, tell him you feel better like that. He won’t care as long as you’re getting help for your body. Just don’t beat someone up before you tell him you care about him like that, I don’t think Brock does the whole wanting men piled at his feet as a gift thing. Think he’s more of a ‘I love you dammit’ kissing in the rain kinda guy.”

Squinting at him, Jack furrowed his brows, “How do you know?”

Bucky shook his head, “Stereotypical Italian and he’s such a closet romantic, look at when he cooks and talks about family he’s so relaxed and calm, happy even. You know I’m right.”

Yeah, Jack knew Bucky was right on that one, he was tough as shit but he was dramatic as all hell. He’d want Jack to hold him fiercely and tell him instead of starting some bar room brawl and telling him later after the fact. 

He groaned, not even knowing _why_ he was thinking about this, reaching out to pat Bucky’s shoulder appreciatively, “Thanks for not giving me shit sloneczko.”

Digging his thumbs harder into the meat of his thigh, slowly going in small circles he shook his head keeping his voice light, “Pacha, I know you love him. If you don’t think you do then maybe you don’t but I _know_ what I see and I just want you to be happy. If you don’t want to talk to him about it and you think you’re just in your head too much then maybe time will help. I’ll be here no matter what you want to do, I won’t push you to whatever decision and I won’t laugh at you for having dreams about Brock. I’ll just listen and maybe laugh a little only because you’re cute when you seem annoyed at yourself for threatening a guy which is kinda really funny to me. Are you still getting specifically dirty dreams about him?”

Jack glanced out the window watching the sun reflect off shop window after shop window, “They kind of tapered off but now it’s me and him just normal. Watching TV, making food, working out, hiking together. It’s odd.”

“Domestic boyfriend dreams,” Bucky informed, stealing a glance at him. “Some part of you wants him.”

Jack shrugged at him, “He wouldn’t want me is the bottom line either way.”

*****

Bucky waved as the cab took off with Jack and he made his way to Steve’s apartment preparing himself for Steve to be in bed crying still. Sam had left him a text about him still being in his funk and being able to shuffle around a bit before something triggered him to get upset and he’d just go back to bed so not to expect much. He could hear quick pawed steps coming towards the door the moment his key went into the lock and Nanook was howling for him. It made Bucky laugh, excited to see him too as the door swung open and he was immediately greeted by a ball of fur jumping up on back legs and front paws trying to press into his chest so hard Bucky had to press a foot back to balance while a pink tongue licked his face as he leaned in for a hug.

“Hey I missed you too okay?” He laughed through the onslaught, finally managing to push him back inside and get the door closed. As he predicted, nothing seemed to be moved around and there was no sign of Steve. At least Sam fed Nook and took him out for a bathroom break before leaving but Bucky was going to have to take him out for some exercise soon. The dog only ran off to come back with a stuffed ball in his mouth and Bucky smiled at him, leaning in again to press a kiss on his head, throwing it into the hallway and watching him lumber through, wincing a little. This dog was going to need a bigger place to live. 

When he returned with his toy, Bucky tilted his head to the bedroom door only partially open, “Where’s Stevie, Nook? Show me where Stevie is.”

Head perked up, he dropped his toy in favor of his new mission, shooting off down the hallway and squeezing into the gap as Bucky followed after him, a soft moan bouncing off the walls and he peaked in to see Steve buried under the covers with the dog laying over his stomach waiting for him, tongue out and rounded ears straight up.

“I said find him, not knock the wind out of him.”

Nanook only chuffed at him and rolled his large body over so he was sprawled on his back against Steve’s chest and Bucky tried not to laugh.

Steve opened his eyes and stared, Bucky giving him a gentle smile, the ball chain necklace hanging at his neck like always and it happened to give him a small tingle of comfort. 

“Hey Stevie. How you doing?”

Groaning softly, Steve let his eyes close and he shook his head absently. Climbing into bed, Bucky laid out on his side, reaching out to brush his dirty blond hair out of his face, “Sam said you didn’t eat this morning. You gotta eat something Stevie or your muscles are gonna look like saggy boobs when they start breaking down.”

He only received a look and when Bucky thought he was going to go back to sleep Steve ended up sputtering and rolling away, turning his back to him as shoulders shook softly and he was crying again.

“Aw Stevie, I’m sorry..” He curled up against his back and wrapped an arm around him, tucking his face behind Steve’s neck staying like that until the both of them fell into a nap.

*****

Steve pulled himself up a little against the pillows when he felt somewhat awake and able, needing to use the toilet only to find that he was alone in bed. He scrubbed a hand over his face as he struggled to sit up, head aching a little. He felt gross and sickly, resting feet on the smooth floor, running a hand across his hair just to grimace at the greasy feel of it. He definitely needed a shower and from the filmy taste in his mouth, a brush of his teeth too.

He could hear the television on but nothing else as he locked himself in the bathroom and gazed at the man standing before him. Eyes bloodshot and dark rimmed, it had only been a day but his beard looked messy anyway, a hand running over it, hair hanging limply against his forehead.

Steve sighed at himself, “What am I going to do with you?” 

In the shower he went through automatic motions and tried his best to not think about anything in particular even though he did and immediately began silently sobbing in his hands under the spray of the hot water.

When he finally managed to get out, he changed into a fresh pair of sweats and a white t-shirt, tugging on an oversized black cardigan before he made his way to the living room not expecting anything in particular but definitely not what he did find. The television was left on a cartoon channel and a blanket was laid out on the floor where Nanook was asleep on his back, rear legs absently kicking air while he was dreaming and front paws were going one way or another. Bucky was on his side curled up beside him fast asleep, a grooming brush fallen out of his hands. 

Steve smiled, kneeling down and eyes were immediately on him when his hand reached out to wake Bucky but instead diverted to pet Nanook on the head before sitting himself down and gingerly shaking Bucky awake.

Sleepy eyes slowly opened and peered up at him, giving him a half smile, “Hey, you’re out of bed.”

Steve nodded slowly both knowing that could possibly change any time soon and he’d go back to the solace of his covers.

“Figured I would give myself a shower.” 

Smiling at him Bucky pulled himself to sit up, slowly getting to his feet and helping Steve up as he retrieved his phone and gestured at him with it, “Did you check your calls? I think Jane is trying to get a hold of you. She asked me to let you know.”

Brows went up, “Oh, crap I just haven’t been checking it. Wasn’t in the mood for sympathetic messages and well wishes for a quick recovery and all that. I know my friends mean well but, hard to explain without sounding like I’m being unappreciative of them.” 

“Yeah I get it, you don’t wanna be reminded of this or that.” Bucky let out over his shoulder on his way to the kitchen, “Hungry? Sam brought over some frozen containers of chicken soup, told me you love it? I set it on the stove on low, should be pretty nice at this point.” 

Steve wasn’t much for eating but he nodded dumbly anyway, Sam had already given him a stern lecture about his health and he couldn’t stand to see Bucky make pained faces. 

Bucky set to work getting some bowls and dishing out soup; he took out a few dinner rolls and set them on a small plate beside some butter. Nanook approached him with a tennis ball in his mouth, tail wagging away as Bucky poured out two glasses of juice and he smiled at his giant baby, “Go ask Stevie.” 

He watched as the dog ran off to the living room and Steve seemed to have been nodding about something on the phone, a hand permanently affixed into his hair. He took one look at Nanook and accepted the tennis ball, tossing it for him as he nodded and said something on the phone. Bucky returned to setting everything, turning to glance back at the living room when he finished only to see Steve sitting morosely on the couch staring at the empty easel wearing a long frown on his face.

Bucky took the pair of bowls back to the stove to dump their contents back in the warm pot, leaving the dishes on the counter before he made his way over to his friend, resting a hand on his shoulder, “Hey, I know it sucks about what happened and about the painting but I got you something, hopefully it’ll make you feel a tiny bit better.”

Snapping out of his head, Steve patted his hand, “Aw Bucky, I don’t know if I’m in any mood for a gift.”

Bucky rolled his eyes, “Just let me, Punk. I swear. Don’t make me regret this.”

Now Steve was confused, if a little curious pulling himself to his feet and wiping away at his eyes attempting to calm himself down and keep the urge to hold himself in his rut of unhappiness at bay. He watched Bucky approach a spot behind the Christmas tree and that was when he noticed the shelf moved weirdly closer to it which was odd.

“Okay you ready?”

“As much as I’ll ever be.”

Frowning, Bucky stopped and looked at him, “Rogers.”

Nodding to catch himself, Steve gestured for him to go on, “Right right. Yes, I’m really excited.”

Turning back to the task at hand, Bucky shook his head, “Ass.”

Tucking himself behind the tree, Bucky began sliding something out. Steve quickly realized it was a painting wrapped in Kraft paper and immediately he felt a pang of something inside of him, stepping around the couch towards it.

“No..” Steve looked up from it to Bucky, “You didn’t.”

Bucky only smiled wider at him and Steve narrowed his brows, looking back down as hands moved in to tear away the brown paper to expose his mother’s face looking back at him. 

“Oh my God. Bucky..”

He knelt down and stripped each bit of paper away, eyes glistening the more he saw of her until nothing was left but the canvas and his hands fell into his lap as he stared back at her in awe. Blue eyes shot up to his friend then back again, Bucky standing and smiling at him but posture unsure with shoulders turned down, hands resting inside his pockets.

Steve rose and picked up the piece, turning to the empty easel at the other side of the room and rested it there like it had never even left. He let the shock sink in before he spoke over his shoulder, Bucky still standing where he was, “I can’t believe this. Bucky, I just..”

Realization kicked in, turning his whole self around to look at his best friend, “Wait. This was never canceled. I saw the money get deposited and cleared into my account not even that long ago.”

Bucky only grinned wider in amusement, shrugging his shoulders absently, “What? I said I got you a gift so..surprise!”

“Bucky, you..” Steve trailed off, staring at the painting again then at the ceiling as he was thinking and processing, “This sold for double the asking value and it was still too much at original price and- ”

For a moment all Bucky could do was frown before he waved his hand to stop Steve from thinking about it too much, “Yeah, I know how much I paid for it. Who cares? I can afford it,” He smiled shyly, grey blue eyes meeting Steve’s, “I just wanted to get her back for you. There were bids for it when I went to go look at it and I knew no matter what you said, you would have been upset. So I told Jane to sell it to me, I just wanted you to be happy.”

Through all the pain and misery, Steve suddenly felt so touched. His brain tried to soak in the elated emotions attempting to override the death of his relationship and feeling extremely overwhelmed at the same time. He had to sit down, moving to the couch and staring at the coffee table in a lost half smile, feeling Bucky sit himself beside him.

“Hey, you alright?”

Nodding in silence, his hand pressed against one Bucky had resting against his knee, “Just shocked.” He abruptly turned to look at Bucky in amazement, “Why are you like this?”

Bucky’s brows rose up in surprise, “What? What do you mean?”

Then suddenly Steve was laughing; enthusiastic and so _happy_ for once in the day, it made Bucky confused but he also felt so much tenderness for him just by proxy. He moved in and gave Steve a hug, drawing back as they stared at each other and Bucky gave him a nod, knuckling away a tear at the corner of his eye, “Everything will be okay Stevie. I promise.”

The hand on his shoulder lifted off and cupped his cheek, Bucky held himself back from the urge to turn into it, Steve’s palm warm, comforting and on instinct all Bucky wanted to do was hold Steve’s hand in place so he wouldn’t take it away from him and brush his nose along his exposed wrist in affection. Bucky held back the small shiver settling in his spine when tips of fingers curved and slid along near the nape of his neck. He could only stare at Steve and smile, trying his best to be as respectful as he could not sure what he really should or shouldn’t do, Steve pulling him in and hugging him tight to his chest again.

Drawing back Steve’s mirth dissipated and a soft appreciative gaze was there instead, “Thank you Buck, I don’t know what I could ever do to repay all this kindness or how I could ever be as good of a friend as you are to me. I can only try and hope I’m good enough.”

Bucky’s heart felt like it jumped, wanting to tell him he was always enough but his phone chimed and their stares broke apart, hand slipping away from his neck and Bucky refrained from making a noise of protest he so badly wanted to address. 

He watched as Steve turned back to the painting, roaming his hands along the edges like he couldn’t believe it was back, Bucky checking his phone to find his bank alerting him to a payment deposit and he frowned, mouth forming into a tight thin line. The memo attached only stated ‘ _Finders Fee_ ’ and he was sure there hadn't been a conversation about anything of recent discussion over him getting a cut but there it was, his father giving him a percentage of the commission earnings from Steve’s sales. 

He didn’t much want it, but his father _loved_ the passive aggressive reminders that be practically owned Bucky no matter what he did and no matter how many ‘favors’ he could pay back he would always owe his father something.

Behind him Bucky sat down on the couch and Steve couldn’t take his eyes off the artwork. Ma wasn’t there anymore and he wished he could talk to her, needing her there to give him advice and tell him everything was okay. He just wanted to hear her voice again, inhaling wetly as his arms crossed over his chest. 

“Steve, she’s with you. You know that.”

He turned his head to Bucky, an unreadable expression on his face that seemed sympathetic but also something else, something that hadn’t been there before the phone message. Steve didn’t want to ask and only nodded to him, extending his arm when Bucky put his out and pulled him to the couch, Nanook followed after climbing up and over their laps like he was a cat instead of a big fluffy ball.

In some fairy tale world, Steve would have possibly found some moment here where he would have kissed Bucky and held him to kiss him again, and again. Bucky would have accepted them and kissed him just as fiercely in return, but they weren’t in a perfect world. It rained outside and the temperature was miserable. Steve’s black cardigan did nothing to trap in his heat and he felt a cold chill run down his back from it even though it usually did the trick. Nanook’s paw was on the verge of getting him in the crotch and he just didn’t want to feel anything emotionally. Not that it mattered much, he didn’t really feel anything anyway. He was forever grateful for Bucky returning the painting to him but his hyper focus on getting Bucky’s attention slipped away from between his fingers. 

“If you want, you should go visit her tomorrow maybe. If you feel up to it I mean.”

Steve felt his face heat up, unhappiness sinking in again as he nodded. He should go visit her, he _had_ to.

He was so lost.

*****

Bucky stepped through the door and he smiled at everything he saw, some shiny streamers hung in the air with the lingering Christmas decorations, party hats scattered about and _so many birthday balloons_ pooling around the ceiling and others tied around various pieces of furniture.

Sam was already there and so was Johnny, the both of them hanging around the counter with Sam explaining something as he was cutting up cherry tomatoes in a large bowl filled with some lettuce. Jo chopped away at some roasted red peppers and nodded to instructions while his foot tapped away to music playing from the speakers. 

Clint was pouring out a round of drinks and water, cutting out slices of garlic bread from a large loaf and singing away off key with an ‘I’m the birthday boy!’ cone hat on his head complete with a pink sash that said Princess across it. 

Brock and Jack were arguing about something, tugging plates from each other and setting them in two different ways until Natasha stepped in and set one place setting in her way and they quietly copied it, Brock punching Jack in the arm when she turned her back. 

Nat opened up the oven to pull a deep dish pizza from one rack, setting it to the back of the stove element then pulled out another before finally getting a rectangular baking dish out that had a lasagna, putting a third pizza in the oven to bake while the guys took a moment to stare hungrily at the massive amount of cheese and sauce in one small space. 

Jack shook his head, “So, who’s coming with me to work out the whole damn day tomorrow because that food..”

Chuckling, Brock nodded as he swatted him in the chest, “Still gonna eat it though huh?”

“No shit.”

Bucky turned to Steve finally coming in through the door, looking up from his shoes to give Bucky a smile but he knew all too well how shitty Steve was feeling and was forcing himself to attend. They went together to the graveyard earlier and Bucky made himself scarce even with Steve’s invitation for an introduction. He knew Steve wasn’t in a good place and if talking to his mother would make him feel like it helped a little he didn’t want to waste the time on saying hello, he could always do it another time. After, Bucky kept telling him everyone would understand if he went back home but Steve didn’t want to disappoint Clint. 

Lucky already sought them out, Nanook sticking to Steve’s side sensing the duress he was putting himself into and Bucky gave the blond a soft squeeze at his shoulder before turning to the kitchen, “Hey guys.”

They looked up at Bucky then Steve and cheered, Natasha quickly walking over to give him a hug after putting his gift to the side, “We didn’t hear you!”

She turned to Steve and gave him a wider smile, hugging him tighter and for a longer moment after pressing a kiss to his cheek. She reached up to rub the red mark against his skin and studied him, “How are you doing Steve?”

He gave her a tight smile and pulled her in for another hug, sighing into her hair, “One day at a time, right?”

Natasha hummed in agreement and rubbed his back gingerly, Bucky turning to see Clint coming his way with arms out and he broke out in a grin, “Happy birthday Clint!” 

Before Clint could respond, Bucky wrapped his arms around his middle and hoisted him up, swinging him like a doll before quickly putting him down and Clint laughed, pushing him lightly, “I love you too! Natasha ordered deep dish pizza’s, three! You know she loves me.”

“Yeah, I kinda think so considering she didn’t abort your baby.” Bucky shot back and winced when Nat slapped his arm. 

Clint wore a huge grin and stole a hug for himself with Steve, “Thanks for comin’ big guy, it’s good to see you."

“Happy Birthday Clint, really glad to be here even if I- ”

Waving his hand away, Barton shook his head, “No explanation, just enjoy yourself. Really, need you here to make a dent in the pizza’s too.”

Sam waved Bucky over to point to the salad and then at Johnny, “Hey you wanna finish this up with Johnny for me Buck? You know this guy has never ever made an antipasto salad, how do you even live?” 

Johnny grinned, cutting up strips of salami and pepperoni, “It’s called having someone else make this stuff for me Sam. I can’t cook for crap. Bucky’s the one that cooks when he feels like it at my place, I just lay around and stay naked for him.”

“Hey!” Brock shouted from across the room, “I ain’t come here to listen to your fuck stories Storm!”

Shaking his head, Sam looked over at Steve curled into himself still with Natasha in the entryway as she spoke softly to him and he was nodding. He approached them both and gave his best friend a hug, giving his upper back a firm pat, “Good to see you show up, thought I might be packing up some food for you tonight.”

Shrugging faintly, Steve tilted his head to Clint who was singing again down in the living room, “I didn’t wanna miss a birthday especially when I was invited.”

“Hey man you know Clint wouldn’t have minded if you stayed home, it’s just a quiet Sunday dinner with friends and family. You know that.”

“Nah, it’s his birthday. It’s special.”

Sam and Natasha smiled sympathetically, Nat raising up on her toes to kiss Steve’s cheek again, “Thank you for coming Steve, he’s glad you came.”

*****

Bucky leaned in close to Steve from over the back of the couch pressing a hand softly to his, gaining his attention from petting the dogs, “Are you going to want some dessert? You didn’t eat much.”

About to decline, Steve saw the pensive look in Bucky’s grey eyes when he raised his head and he nodded instead, knowing the exact feeling that he wore when Bucky mirrored his loss of appetite, “Sure Buck, thank you.” 

Jack carried over two boxes from the corner of the counter that held the lemon meringue pies that Clint had requested instead of cake since he was getting cake on his actual birth day birthday with Natasha’s parents. He put one aside, undoing the flaps of the other at one end to slide it out and rest the pie on the table turning to the drawer with the odds and ends utensils looking for the pie server only to turn around and find Bucky sitting at the table with his fingers in it already.

“Bucky!” He barked out, shooing at him.

Bucky immediately recoiled and licked his fingers, “Sorry I got hungry.”

“You just ate you bottomless pit.”

“It’s good..” He hedged trying his best to look up from lashes for cute points and Jack sighed at him disapprovingly.

Natasha came up behind Jack giving his arms a gentle squeeze, “You know he likes lemon anything.”

Serving out six large equal slices, he rested a few on saucers and let her take them out, raising his shoulder in a small shrug, “He likes anything flavored _anything_.”

“..Not grape.” Bucky murmured, arms folded over the table and watching him serve the rest of the pie with keen interest, chin tucked against his arm.

“Except grape.” Jack grumbled out, pulling the second out and cut out another piece that was easily a quarter of the pie, setting it on a small plate he pulled from the cabinet and adding a fork before sliding it to Bucky, “Go away, mala zlodziejko.”

Bucky smiled wide towards him, pulling up and taking the pie just as he bumped his hip against Jack’s before crashing on the couch beside Clint.

“Hey Jack, I’m the birthday boy! How come he got a bigger piece than me?!”

Jack cut his own slice out and chuckled, “There’s some still left Clint, a little over half a pie just for you.”

“Awesome, this is the best birthday ever guys, really. Thanks everyone, I love every damn one of you.” 

The room filled with laughter and they settled in with full bellies and lemon pie.

*****

The movie was so quiet at times Bucky barely noticed he was fading in and out. Characters talking like they were whispering secrets between each other and around the room, it barely rested at Bucky’s ears. He looked around, comfortably nestled on his side down the middle of the couch, Clint at one end and his head resting in Natasha’s lap while Johnny was sitting on the floor in front of their couch, hand resting on his shoulder available for when Bucky felt like poking it or just holding his hand.

Sam was in the armchair engrossed in the movie with Clint’s purple snuggie wrapped around him, Brock and Jack sharing a bowl of popcorn between them even though Brock’s hand was in it and he was virtually passed out against his friend’s shoulder. Steve went to take a nap in his room and most likely letting himself decompress, no one bothered him about it and he didn’t want to leave although Sam offered to drop him home.

Everything felt muddled and fuzzy, Bucky’s eyes begging to close and he relaxed, letting them do as they asked. He soon felt Natasha’s fingers passing through his hair in slow gradual brushes, nails barely scratching across his scalp and it was an unfair way to get him to sleep because he knew what she was up to. His eyes opened again only to ease themselves closed; he stretched himself out, long and lazy before he curled in and rubbed his cheek against her soft pajama pants as she continued her assault. 

He didn’t even know he was _that_ tired, the need for sleep wrapping around his bones and trying to take over, the want of it growing and he began slipping away. Natasha knew exactly what she was doing and if he didn’t move she was going to make him sleep under her watch. Clint’s own touch was a double threat, pressure heavier around his ankles and along his foot but it was precise and _safe_. His mind for years had categorized all of his friend’s ways of contact and this only made it easier on his body to give in and accept everything.

The whole environment was warm and relaxed and Bucky realized he really was that tired, going back and forth with friends where he could sleep and then to Steve where he barely slept to make sure he wasn’t doing something stupid or needing him to be awake when he wanted to console him. 

Exhaustion was making itself known and he thought he may have a few more hours while the movie was playing before he had to take Steve home and actually had to rest but now he couldn’t find himself to tell Natasha to stop and let him sit up. It was entirely the exact opposite of what he thought, words falling away somewhere in him, tiny helpless sighs of pleasure slipping out in gentle hums escaped out instead. A blanket came from somewhere and he knew Johnny was doing it, the scent of his cologne lingering a few seconds on the fabric knowing he was always in on things like this and soon he was fast asleep.

*****

It was Monday before Bucky even knew it was Monday. He was in such a deep sleep and somehow he was in his bed when he woke up, alone with no Steve though there were signs of his existence when he had taken a rest while they were downstairs. Sam must have taken him home and he didn’t have too much time to worry about it, finally ready to see Dr. Potts again after skipping out last week though he wasn’t entirely looking forward to rehashing his thoughts about unanswered questions and trying to cope with the idea that things could have gone so badly quite easily and he could have woken up in a hotel room with no idea what happened last night.

_Jesus Christ._

At the office the admissions were easier than he thought, speaking his mind and Dr. Potts nodded and offered similar ideas and opinions as Natasha did, as Steve had. As even Johnny did. He found her easier and easier to speak to, to ease himself into conversation without staring off and hesitating, afraid he was giving the wrong person ammunition about him; someone that was willing to break his trust to hurt him. He was so very tired of people trying that with him and all he wanted was for people to be who they were, in all honestly without hate or malice, without pretending around him. 

Bucky knew he was being naive though, but something about Pepper told him she was _safe_ and it wasn’t only because it was her job to keep his secrets within the four walls they were let loose in but because there were fragments of trust building between them, barriers to protect himself tediously chipping away because he wanted to talk to her. Tell her truths he tried to hide from so many, only he was still scared and appreciated that she knew, never trying to push him. It did start to feel a little like talking to an old friend.

He thought maybe today he could say something but he backed out again, staring out the window feeling guilty even knowing there was no reason to be.

Also, she didn’t know about Steve and Tony.

“So, what’s been sitting in your head today. Spill it.”

Bucky smiled, taking the cup of tea set on a simple saucer, sparse details but beautiful nonetheless. They only started drinking tea together during their last session from before. Dr. Potts decided on it to help with Bucky’s fidgeting and to keep his hands busy as it was his responsibility to serve and add everything. At first he didn’t understand but then he did, refocusing his attention while he spoke so he didn’t panic and clam up, he spoke in more detail about things and never had time to make fun of himself for what he was saying with the assumption she didn’t want to listen.

He looked up at her, watching as she lifted her own cup and took a small sip, eyes fixed on him. She suited the teacup and saucer look, leg crossed over the other in a smart black pencil skirt and a cream colored long sleeve blouse. 

“They broke up.”

Pepper didn’t seem surprised, setting her cup down, “And you? How are you dealing with that?”

Bucky shrugged absently, adding another spoon of sugar and stirring it in before he rested the saucer against thigh, “From what I understand, Tony more or less did it for them. I don’t know why though. He said Tony said they can’t make each other happy but seemed like there was more to it, you know? I mean us fighting and him being all jealous towards me and stuff..you know they slept together the day before it happened? Suddenly he breaks up with him. Maybe he finally got it through his thick skull that they aren’t as compatible as he thought, well yeah that was the reason Steve gave but..it’s just odd. Steve seems to understand, I think he agreed with him but letting go is another thing.” 

He took another sip, drawing his eyes down at his teapot, “He’s really upset about it.”

She gave him a soft smile when he glanced up again, “He’s going to be, from what you’ve said about him and from what I observed before in person, he seems to forge strong connections. It’ll just take some time,” She trailed off, “but I don’t have to tell you to be careful, do I?”

Bucky shook his head, “I don’t want to be a rebound. In all honestly I don’t know if I want to be with him doc..”

Not sure if he should explain, if he could actually even elaborate anyway, he paused, breaking off a piece of the cookie that sat with others on another larger saucer, eating it thoughtfully.

An understanding sympathetic smile crossed Dr. Potts lips, patiently waiting until he finished eating, “I know that it would be a big deal to you Bucky. It’s a good way to think so you wouldn’t just jump into something without realizing the repercussions of what it may entail but don’t do it with the intent to never consider it. I think even with all the things that arose in connection to having a friendship with Steve again, he is genuinely a good friend to you. Whether you and he eventually would want to push that to something more, it’s good to take your time with it if you want that and let it come naturally.” 

He nodded, eyes dropping away and taking another timid sip, “..I like him a lot. Sometimes I’m scared how much I care about him, does that make sense for someone like me? Everything is so easy when it comes to him, it was so easy to fall into bad habits and go against my own beliefs. My morality compass just went to hell sometimes, you know?”

Pausing her cup to her lips, she nodded, “It does make sense so yes, I do know.”

Bucky nodded, “I wanted him to cheat on Tony with me, so many times I was willing to bend the line for him, I wanted him to do it. I would have hated myself for it, but I just wanted him. I still want him. I’ve been drunk around him, threw myself on him. I know he wasn’t perfect those times, I know we’re close, I know he makes my heart beat faster and my breathing quicken. I wanted to be selfish with him, sometimes it drove me crazy. I keep feeling like I _need_ him all the time, I still do. Isn’t that insane?”

“No Bucky, it’s not insane. You’re stimulated by him, physically attracted to him. Your brain activity is different around Steve, you feel good around him so of course technically you don’t need him but you feel as though you do. The easiest way to say it is that you’re addicted to him. The positive is that you can _see_ the difference and it’s nothing you can’t handle. You’re aware of it which is a step in the right direction.” 

He nodded to her, inhaling a nervous breath, “Sometimes my impulses make me do things around him I think I should think about before I act on.” 

Pepper watched him, “When you checked in with me you mentioned you were gifted a therapy dog, by Steve with help from a friend?” 

Bucky brightened, brows lifting a bit, “Yeah! Well he’s not anything official as a therapy dog, I guess I could get him certified with Sam if I want to but he’s kind of a training school dropout sorta like me with college since he’s not fully qualified in what they need him for. That’s okay though, he’s been with Steve.” 

Her smile went wider like when she was amused by something and Bucky wondered if he missed a point but she was nodding and lifting up the saucer of cookies for him and he forgot about it.

*****

Bucky checked through his messages, exiting the building and slipping the phone back in his pocket when he accidentally bumped shoulders into someone, a hand steadying him with a firm grip to his shirt.

“Oh, crap I’m sorry.”

He moved to walk off but the hand stayed and he looked up to see Ward smirking at him. 

“Long time no see.”

Immediately Bucky pressed fingers around Grant’s wrist to dig into skin and wrench the hand away from him, giving it a painful twist as he pushed him away with his free hand from his personal space.

“Get lost.”

Ward blocked his way on the sidewalk, jerking the other way when Bucky tried to go around him, “Aw Barnes, that’s no way to talk to an old friend.” 

Bucky frowned, “You were never my friend. I never trusted you enough to consider you as one.”

He chuckled, “Funny, I was thinking the same thing.” 

Turning back to the building, Bucky found the guard on duty away from his desk and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to take this inside and into Dr. Potts’ practice or get in trouble with anyone else that worked in there.

“What’s your hurry? I wanted to go for coffee, catch up. Judge was telling me I should be more approachable, take my time around you, be polite. I told him it wouldn’t work but I’m willing to try new things, you know, see how they pan out.”

Bucky drew in a low breath, shaking his head, “You know it won’t work, so why bother? I don’t know where he is, you need to stop bothering me before I get a damn restraining order on you for fucking stalking me.”

That tightness in his chest came back, his head aching as he tried to go past without touching Ward and failing, sidestepping the other way and getting the same obstruction, “Stop it, you really wanna get into this out on the damn sidewalk?”

Smiling, the male shrugged, “You were willing to fight on a front lawn at a house full of strangers, I don’t see the difference here.”

And if Bucky got arrested for fighting Ward after his father asked if he needed said restraining order put out on the guy he was going to get an earful for it. Instead he abruptly turned into the alleyway, gauging if he could make a run for it only to find halfway through that it was a dead end. 

“Shit.”

He turned to find himself a few feet from Grant as his grin widened, sharp and malicious, “ _Now_ we aren’t on the sidewalk, are we?”

“What’s your problem? You wanna beat it outta me that I have no idea where Alex is? He’s _your_ friend, not mine! He woulda told you out of anyone where he went, why don’t you understand that?!”

Face flushing, Ward stepped forward, hands closing into fists and eyes narrowing, “Because of you, you showed up and he wanted _you_. Didn’t matter what the hell was going on when you were around, it wasn’t jealousy with me Barnes but Alex was focused on you like some sick obsession. It was like he wanted to collect you for himself, sometimes he wasn’t much for settling other things.”

Stepping backwards, Bucky could only shake his head. Grant Ward was so unmistakably _wrong_ about so much.

“You’re so fucking blind.” He finally let out, voice low as he stared at the male blocking his only way out, “You’re so. Fucking. Blind.”

“What?”

Bucky felt emotions swell and ripple around every wall and foundation he built so he could protect himself to try to ignore so much pain, heat rising up within him as his hands slipped in his pockets to hide the shaking.

“What the hell are you going on about Barnes?!”

Bucky stared at him, sympathetic but wary of his movements, “Pierce is using you.”

“Alex isn’t even here- ”

“Not that one.”

Something in Grant’s eyes flickered, a quick blink like a split second movement of hesitation before he regained himself, “What’re you talking about?”

“You’ll find out when he doesn’t need you anymore as his lackey. When his real son comes back from nowhere, this..life you got, whatever it is..it’ll be gone.” Bucky promised as he took another small step backwards.

Ward shook his head, “You’re so full of shit.”

“I don’t care if you believe me or not. It’s the truth.”

“Shut up.” He threatened, stepping forward past a dumpster.

Bucky stood his ground but he didn’t want to fight, watching him approach closer as he observed those hands form into fists and fight or flight was suddenly overcoming him that he barely heard the rapid clicks echoing in the alleyway. 

Grant took a step forward when he abruptly jolted stiff and straight, eyes bulging wide and automatically reaching for the side of the garbage as his whole entire body shook mildly, the telltale sound of electricity shot from a taser hitting Bucky’s ears before it was silent again. Ward’s eyes were almost rolled to the back of his head and his whole body dropped in an angle like a sack of potatoes, banging his head against the dumpster to the side before crumbling forward at Bucky’s feet forcing the brunette to take a couple steps back. 

There was nothing but shock until Bucky came back and blinked down at the body lying there, “Fuck, please don’t be dead..”

He looked back up to where Ward had stood, seeing cream colored high heels and long legs wearing that all too familiar black pencil skirt and Dr. Potts lowered her taser though still pointing it like it was a gun, staring at Ward sternly though her eyes were showing off absolute surprise. 

“Oh..I didn't know it worked like that. Well not exactly, just what was in the movies.”

“Dr. Potts?”

She glanced up, the only sign of anything out of place was a lock of hair she tucked away behind her ear and a light color across her cheekbones. He could tell she was stunned, not at all expecting the outcome.

“The guard, Henry. He mentioned a young man popping around, we thought it was just someone looking in. Sometimes I have people that don’t know whether they should come up and see me or another doctor. Sometimes we have family members worrying or exes, but then Henry said the same young man had been around the building a few times, he always calls and warns everyone when someone is repeating the same habit and never entering the building. I just, I know Henry was on an errand and you forgot your sweater..” 

Bucky’s eyes roamed and it was draped over the crook of her arm. He stepped out of his bafflement and surprise, kneeling down to check Grant’s pulse and found him still breathing before he called an ambulance and tried to check his head, hearing a low pained groan escaping. 

“I heard you tell him to stop and you turned into the alley. That’s a dead end so I guess panicked for you. I went back inside the building and thought I had pepper spray in my drawer but I didn’t, I had this though..a client with a very abusive ex-husband. She was afraid he may come looking for me, it made her feel better I had it just in case.”

She exhaled slowly forming a small O shape with her mouth, letting her eyes close momentarily before opening them again gesturing to the taser, “I wasn’t sure if he was who Henry was talking about but I heard shouting. I don’t think this is even legal..” Suddenly it was like something came to her senses, “Oh my God is he alright?”

That prompted Bucky to move, leaning over at Ward’s back and pushing his hand down against his shirt to keep the skin firm, his other hand gripping the probe of the barb and giving it a firm pull eliciting another sound of discomfort coming out from underneath him. He quickly repeated the process with the other one, taking the taser from her and gathering all of it together. He watched as Ward moved his arms, pressing hands into the pavement trying to pull himself up but only falling back against the ground and Bucky stood, taking Pepper’s arm, “Let’s get inside before he figures out who hit him.”

“But- ”

“He’s fine doc, I promise..” He steered her out and around to the front of the building, Henry stepping out and Bucky pointing to the alley, “Ambulance is coming for the guy in the alley. He fell and hit his head, just make sure he’s not dying or anything.”

The guard nodded and went to check as Bucky ushered Pepper back into the elevators.

She finally seemed to snap out of her awe, shoulders dropping and blinking a few times, glancing to Bucky and then to the taser. 

Bucky glanced back at her, “I’ll get rid of it. You didn’t kill him, it’s fine. Don’t..just don’t freak out okay? And thanks.”

The elevator chimed for their floor and Pepper was more aware of her surroundings once they stepped out, back to her normal self as she pressed a hand at the small of Bucky’s back and led him into her office. 

“Who was that?”

Sitting himself down after stuffing the taser in his backpack, Bucky propped an elbow against the arm of the couch, leaning his head against his palm, “That was Grant Ward, the guy that I got into a fight with about Germany..”

She leaned against the front of her desk, “Wait, the one that you said was working with the father of an..ex-boyfriend?”

Dread filled every fiber of his being and he nodded nervously, “Yeah.”

Standing up suddenly, Pepper approached him carefully, “Bucky- ”

No, he wasn’t going to do this. Panic taking over and he stood up so quickly he almost bumped into her, “No. I’m sorry, I can’t talk about it. I’d rather not, I’m not ready to talk about this stuff I’d just rather not and I don’t, I _can’t_ and- ”

“Shh shh, it’s alright. It’s fine, you have to calm down though before you give yourself a panic attack.” She put her hands out carefully and Bucky tried to ease his rising pulse, slowly nodding to her and she approached him, a careful ease about it before she was right in front of him. 

Her hands rubbed down his arms, giving him a smile, “It’s okay, we have all the time in the world. You can talk about it here safely any time you want to. I’m here, I just want to help you Bucky.”

Finding his breathing easing to something more tolerable he felt the corner of his mouth lift in a small smile, “Yeah, I figured that out when you tased some random guy getting in my face doc.”

Pepper stared at him before she was drawing her hands away and laughing softly, staring off out the window with a hand over her mouth, “I did, didn’t I? Oh my God. I can’t believe I did that. I’ve never even hit a person before, well there was that one time in high school when I hit someone with a basketball but that doesn’t count because it was an accident.”

“Technically you didn’t even tase someone.” Bucky gave her a wink when she peered back at him and he pulled his backpack on, waving his phone with the time, “I gotta go, I owe you.”

Collecting herself again, Dr. Potts smoothed a hand along a wrinkle on her skirt, “No, just see me on Monday. If you need anything though..”

Bucky raised his phone again and nodded, “..I know, I’ll call ya. See you next week.”

Watching Bucky make a quick exit, Pepper wrung her hands together as she absently stared at the closed door, “Goodbye Bucky.”

*****

Bucky was back at Natasha's and alone with Lucky when his father suddenly called while he was thinking of making something to eat and on his way to the kitchen. Bracing himself for a lecture on tasing Ward because he was sure that's what would be said if the guy felt like talking, he wasn't prepared for the real reason he called. Pressing the cell to his ear before answering, "Hi."

“James, were you even going to inform me about being assaulted in a night club?”

Bucky bit his lip, leaning back against the wall. He drew in a slow breath of air letting his eyes close slowly before they opened again not entirely sure how to answer him properly.

“I didn’t think it was necessary to tell you.”

George made a an exasperated sound in frustration, Bucky piquing a little at the reaction as his father’s voice rose an octave, “You didn’t _think_ \- you didn’t..” 

The line was quiet and Bucky could imagine his father dropping his head forward and pressing a hand to his forehead muttering things in Romanian under his breath because that was his father when he wanted to chew Bucky out for something really idiotic he had done but chose against doing so for some reason or another. He found himself tangling his fingers into the end of his shirt, “Steve took care of it. Him and Johnny, they were there.” 

There was heavy sound of George exhaling before he bothered to respond, “I heard, he’s now taking his meals intravenously. At least that much is worth something, Mr. Rogers really wasn’t hiding things was he?”

“What do you mean?”

“Nothing.”

Frowning, Bucky tried not to think about what his father meant exactly, thoughts roaming back to how he hadn’t thought too much about Jason and just how much of a beating he took. He barely thought about how much Steve could have possibly hurt the man when he was let loose and by the personal conversations and the way everyone made their jokes and comments, until his father just said it now he never really absorbed that this person was never going to be the same. 

It wasn’t sympathy he felt over that one lone fact but something _like_ it though Bucky had warned him that if he kept trying to be around him it would turn out badly and now they were here, in the present and with his tremor of sympathy he also felt frighteningly apathetic as well. 

“..James? Are you listening to me?”

Bucky blinked momentarily, “What? I’m sorry I was thinking. No, I didn’t hear what you said.”

“I said,” That irritation setting in his voice, “Is there any other incidents you decided against telling me of the past two weeks I should know about?”

Biting down on his lip, Bucky felt worry wash over him, “What are you doing about Jason?”

“Nothing you need to wonder about, I worked it all out.”

That worry turned into unease, “What do you mean?”

“It means what it means James. That’s enough. Now, answer my question.”

Bucky hesitated, fingers slipping into his sweater sleeve, “I don’t think there’s- ”

“ _James_.”

Drawing out a breath, Bucky shook his head, “Dr. Potts tased Grant in the alleyway right after I went to go see her. He was doing the same old dance, trying to squeeze me for info on Alex that he should know I don’t have. Said something about Judge Pierce telling him to be nicer to me if he wanted me to give him answers and I told him I didn’t want to deal with him. I just, this was in front of her office! I tried to go through the alley at the side and it was a dead end, he’s so stupid, he’s so wound up with them he doesn’t know they’re using him and I told him. He didn’t believe me!”

“Of course he’s not going to believe you James, you think he’s playing games?”

“No, I just..” Bucky felt himself stumbling over his words even without his father standing before him while he was glaring at him, “..I don’t know.”

Silence sat between them for a long moment before George spoke up again.

“And you still don’t want the order, do you?”

He swallowed, shaking his head at the phone, “No. I don’t.”

“Goodbye James.”

Dread sat on Bucky’s shoulders, “Bye.”

*****

A couple of days passed and he had forgotten about the call until Brock was talking to him at the gym one morning and there were fresh bruises on his hands, the movement of slipping on his boxing gloves so fluid he almost missed it. He wouldn’t have even cared but Loki had a giddy thrill in calling him the night before and telling him Ward was sent to the hospital when he was meeting someone outside only to be found beaten up and tossed by the side of the building later by some smokers. He was fine, Laufeyson added, but he needed a few stitches and refused to tell the police who did it.

Brock only gave him a look not to ask him any questions and Bucky knew that expression too perfectly; he was given the look a few times and it always meant for him to leave it alone, he knew it like the back of his hand.

*****

A week and a few days passed and Bucky found himself at Nick’s bar for lunch taking a break from Steve’s need to stay indoors. Natasha slid down in the booth seat across from him looking pensive and he already knew what she was going to say before she said it. 

“Do you think he’s going to come in to work on Monday? This weekend is the last bit of extension Nick’s going to give him and he’s been really patient with him.” 

Bucky poked a crinkle fry into his glob of ketchup before just dropping it back on his plate feeling her eyes bore into him as she tapped her nails, he drew in a breath and gave her a shrug, “I dunno Nat, he’s been up and down. He can get his head into painting one minute, the next he spaces out or he’s crying. He just looks depressed at times while he stares blankly at whatever’s on TV. Once I caught him staring at some Spanish soap opera that had no subtitles on it for over forty five minutes while his hand kept petting Nook’s head. He’s not ready to handle orders, I don’t think. He needs more time, maybe a week longer?”

Natasha made a face that told Bucky automatically that was not the answer she was looking for, shaking her head, “Well, I can understand where he’s at in his head but he’s going to have to keep his emotions together and come in to work, Nick’s not going to keep giving him time off. With his hospital stay, skipping work last week and now this..he’s lucky his boss likes him.”

A heavy sigh escaped him, nodding to her, “Yeah I know but he’s hurting. I know rationally he should go back to work, help him get out and start acting _normal_ again but Nat he’s just so down right now.”

Natasha softly patted his arm watching fingers rake through his hair with desperate thoughts roaming through his mind. She watched Bucky catch Nick coming out of his office and walk out towards the bar with some papers in hand and something in his features shifted, his hand slipping away and turning towards the man with a sudden look of determination.

“What are you doing? James..?”

Bucky squared his shoulders, jaw set as he approached Nick with a light tap to his shoulder watching the man casually turn from Pietro to him, “And what, Mr. Barnes, do I owe for being in your company today?”

The man casually leaned his arm against the bar, looking over to Natasha, giving her a nod, “Romanoff. Looks like the whole party’s here.”

Bucky swallowed, the idea was stupid, _really_ stupid. His hands forming fists then loosening up again trying to form the right words for this man before him whose gaze sat questioning him. 

“Well, out with it.”

“Let me work in place of Steve.”

If a pin was going to fall, they would have heard it in the dead silence. Bucky looked at Natasha who only looked at him, her eyes eventually cast over to Piet who only made a face of unsure confusion then looked at Nick who made no movements at all, he didn’t even blink.

Bucky eventually gathered his wits and nodded, “I know. I have no experience, but I know my drinks, also..I do have a serving license,” Bucky quickly pulled his wallet out and rifled through for his card, presenting it to Nick before be continued, “..and I can charm the pants off anyone,” He paused for a second at the realization of his words then went back to what he was saying, “Trust me on that one. I’ll work for free, I don’t need the money. If these two can show me the ropes I only need to be pointed things out, I know how to handle cash and cards when I had to cover Clint when he burnt his hand at the coffee place he works at, I’m good for it. If I mess up just tell me to get lost. I just, Steve’s in a bad place and I don’t want him to lose his job. He needs this and if I can take his place for maybe two weeks tops for free I swear I won’t let you regret it. Please.”

There was nothing, Nat’s hand softly resting on Bucky’s forearm and he could only look at his shoes, his fingers eventually moving to take a hold of hers.

Fury finally straightened, his face stoic his one good eye studying Bucky, his tone tight with a slight trace of annoyance, “Maximoff, Romanoff. Either of you put him up to the stupidest plan I’ve ever heard in my goddamn life?”

The both of them frowned but shook their heads.

“Barnes, what exactly is going on through that small head of yours where you think I would jeopardize _my_ livelihood on someone with _no experience_ so he could cover his best friend’s ass because he’s heartbroken? What, exactly? _Please_ elaborate on this very idiotic idea for all of us.”

A half shrug escaped Bucky, looking up at Nick who folded his arms over his chest glaring hard at him with a firm line of a frown.

Bucky gestured with his hands helplessly, “All I have is me and what I offered you already. I’ll work for free, all my tips can go to these guys or whoever else works while I’m here. I’m fluent in mixing drinks and using a beer tap, if I’m shown the system I can close it up. I can count and handle money easily, I’m not stupid. I’m willing to work any time you need me, I’m all yours..just please consider it.”

“You’re also a guy that likes to party, how am I sure you won’t be dipping into my stock or handing out free samples? I have no security you won’t drink me out of house and home in two weeks.”

The accusation jolted something in Bucky, anger crossing his eyes for a split moment as Nick stared him down without any plans to relent. He let the words sink in before knowing it wasn’t directly meant to insult him but to gauge his reaction. 

“I wouldn’t disrespect you like that nor do I want Steve to lose his job because of me. Steve is your security measure and I’m damn sure you would figure out a way to extend that to firing Natasha too if you tried hard enough to find a way. She doesn’t need this job but she likes it here, she likes you as a boss and you like her as an employee. I wouldn’t screw up something she enjoyed too.”

The heavy silence between all four of them was thick as Nick stood with a clenched jaw apparently thinking of what to say or do. He looked from Pietro to Natasha, “You two. Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum, you want to teach this idiot the ropes because God knows I’m not going to be in any part of this shitshow.”

“Of course boss, you can count on me to show him everything behind the bar.” Pietro piped up with a large confident smile.

Natasha nodded as well, “I can teach Bucky how to close out the POS system and all our other details. No problem, trust me he’ll get it in one day.”

“Make it half a day Romanoff. Good news for you Barnes, you’re working tonight because of a last minute call in, don’t **make** me regret this because I’m already doubting myself.”

Before any of them could reply, they watched him turn on the heels of his boots ready to storm off until he stopped mid-stride and turned his head slightly but not over his shoulder, “By the way Barnes, you _will_ get paid for your work. I’m not that kind of man. And if you want to donate all your money to Rogers you need to get his key card for the computer system. Also, this has **got** to be one of the most ridiculous ways of trying to win over someone you’re in love with I’ve ever seen and I’ve seen a lot of stupid romantic comedies. Both of you idiots deserve each other.”

He went off again muttering to himself about how his bar suddenly turned into the set for a teen drama, the door to his office slamming closed before anyone moved again.

“He’s right you know.” Pietro voiced out.

Bucky didn’t know what part he meant and he didn’t care, too excited to be given the green light as he internally jumped for joy.

*****

Bucky went through impromptu training with Pietro and Natasha, his anxiety showing up at points throughout the process but he pushed through it and would most likely regret everything later but he only focused on the now and absorbing everything like a sponge. He was excited and more than nervous, glad it was a weekday for his first day at least.

He just had enough time to leave and get Steve’s key card and change into something more than a hole riddled AC/DC t-shirt and sweatpants, Natasha catching him before he left.

“James..”

He could read her like a book sometimes, the worry in her eyes making him stop and fully turn around as his hands swept along her arms affectionately, “Really Nat, I’m _okay_. I can definitely do this for two weeks, it might be less who knows. I won’t push anymore after this, I promise you. I just, I had to try you know? I had to.”

Reaching up to cup his cheeks gently, she studied up at him as fingers brushed back hair, “You’re so frustrating sometimes, you know that right? You shouldn’t have done what you did, Steve is a grown man. He can take care of himself, you don’t have to fight for him Kotyonok.”

He smiled, “I know I don’t, but I can’t stop thinking about him so sad and he wasn’t ready Nat, he wasn’t. He needs at least those few days, I wanna give them to him.”

Natasha sighed, “I know you do, but you’re going to spread yourself thin. You care about him, yes but there are limits James..”

He planted a kiss on the crown of her head, “It’s okay, I got this Natty. Now, I gotta go get changed and get back here. I’ll see you soon.”

Natasha drew away and watched him hurriedly leave the bar only partially frowning.

*****

Bucky came in just in time to see Steve trying to pull a sweater on over his head, face looking ragged and tired as he fussed over the collar of his dress shirt underneath and immediately Bucky was there in front of him fixing it for him and Steve let his arms drop to his sides.

“You know, if you weren’t here I would probably just lose my head. Sam would tell me to get my act together, then mumble something like 'grown man can’t even put on a sweater'.”

Bucky laughed, smoothing out the front, “Well, lucky for you I like stuff like this or I would probably agree with him.” 

The reason he was even back there sprang back when Steve was giving him a small smile then turning to get his bike keys, Bucky abruptly grabbing his arm, “Hey Steve, stop. I almost lost my head, I came to change and tell you that you don’t have to go into work. I got you a reprieve for two weeks at least.”

He looked towards him, face confused, “What are you talking about Buck?”

Suddenly finding the wooden floor interesting, Bucky didn’t get this far in his plan and he was nervous, fingers pushing together, “I kind of offered to work in your place, temporarily. Two weeks or less, gives you some time and when you’re comfortable you come in. I don’t mind.” 

“You did what?!”

Wincing, Bucky glanced up, “You were crying before I left, I saw you. Acting like you had to blow your nose because of something on television. I just felt terrible when Nat asked me how you were doing and if I thought you were ready. I didn’t think you were so when I saw Nick I just acted on impulse and offered myself as a placeholder.”

Steve stood there in baffled silence before he stepped forward, “Bucky, that’s too much.” 

The brunette only shrugged, “Well I did it. You wanna go to work you can. I just wanted to help if I could.”

“I, uh..” Steve shook his head and almost stumbled into Bucky, bringing his arms up and holding him tight to his chest, tears threatening to come, “What would I do without you?”

“Probably grow old in this shitty apartment and be boring.”

Steve drew back, trying and failing to glare at him. 

“How the hell did you convince Nick this was a great idea?”

“He didn’t think it was. He called it stupid, implied I was an alcoholic, he said I have a small head and he made Pietro and Natasha take full responsibility. I think he likes me, sort of. In a Nick Fury way I guess.”

“If he didn’t kick you out for proposing that ridiculous idea then I would consider him liking you on some level.”

Bucky softened his gaze, reaching up to wipe the tears threatening the corners of Steve’s eyes, admiring the beard still kept, a little bushy and hobo looking but it was still Steve, “I just want you to be happy again. That’s all you deserve.”

Steve’s brows pushed together, his lower lip trembling slightly as he pulled Bucky into another hard desperate hug.

“I’m trying, you and Sam help a lot, look at how I got you a dog but he's been by my side for a lot of this. All three of you are a huge help. I just gotta stop associating things with him and storage up some stuff. I need to get out, I’ve been cooped up here for way too long.”

Bucky drew back, “You know what would be good for you?”

“What’s that?”

“You should take Nook out a lot more, I mean _hours_.”

The dog pulled himself off the couch from his nap and trotted to the door before walking over and looking up at both of them with one of his leashes in his mouth. Bucky couldn’t help laughing, “See? He agrees.”

Sitting himself down on the floor, Bucky put the leash aside, scratching his fingers along Nanook’s fur and giving his nose a kiss, “Take your art books or your small canvas stuff and work outside. If it’s too cold, take him for a walk and then hit one of those dog bakeries where you can buy him some treats, I’ll pay you back. I know there’s a few dog friendly coffee shops that have heat lamps so when you’re outside you’re not freezing your ass off. Just take him with you and spend some time working, even if you have nothing to work on, just let yourself try. Or take a book even.”

Bucky rested the side of his head against his dog’s, “When I had to get over a break up, I did what you did. I wallowed, my friends let me live in my bed and cry..for a little while. Then they told me to get my ass out of it because the guy wasn’t worth it. Sure Tony didn’t wrong you, but it’s the same principle. There’s more to it than a break up, he cares about you, it’s not the end. I know you had a lot riding on your relationship with wedding bells and your name being Steve Stark,” He froze, “Wow that sounds horrible..”

Steve frowned at him and Bucky chuckled, patting his leg. He sat down beside him while the brunette only grinned.

“I’m sorry, you just sound like a character from the Jetsons, but I mean it. You two are friends you’re not going to stop being friends, it might be awkward but you two will figure it out. He wasn’t your one Stevie, live for yourself. Take care of _you_. You’ve been eating like shit the past week and a half or whatever, you don’t exercise, at least you move around and shower. You cry less than you did the first week because it’s getting easier to cope, I know there’s no magic wand for getting better, I mean look at who’s talking to you. But, you gotta try for yourself. You only got you.”

Steve listened intently, staring into deep pools of cerulean and a voice so earnest that he could _feel_ so much empathy and care. Bucky was fierce in his belief in him and all Steve could do was be depressed. His last words lingered though, rooted inside him and poured over his insides like warm cream thick and rich, settling there with so much honesty and he was confused at how it felt like his heart wanted to beat again.

*****

Almost a whole week had passed and Bucky worked practically every day not emitting a single complaint about it, going home with Natasha if she worked with him because Steve wholly understood her opinion on Bucky sacrificing himself this much even if it was to help a friend. When it wasn’t her, he showed up at the apartment looking slightly tired but making jokes about how many numbers he was getting from interested people and asking if the same thing happened with him.

He took all the night shifts he was allowed as well as the weekend short shifts from what Pietro was telling him, everyone that Bucky worked with realized he was serious on not taking tips and even refused drinks bought for him from regulars or admirers while on shift. He took to it like a fish in water, Pietro joking that his charm was going far and soon people didn’t much worry about Steve’s absence because they enjoyed Bucky’s temporary company. Steve knew he was making jokes but he was pretty sure it was all truth, hating that he was there in the first place but happy he was getting along and not spiking his anxiety.

Apparently it only took a couple of days for the others to notice Bucky’s refusal to take money from the tips and they began taking out his share anyway and forced him to accept it, which he only brought back to Steve, and that was how he found out Bucky wasn’t taking it in the first place. He didn’t want to take it but eventually Bucky would exchange it for groceries or things the apartment needed, wily bastard he was. Occasionally he managed to convince Bucky to use it to stock up on canned dog food too, so there was that. Steve couldn’t do anything much else about it.

Bucky didn’t even drink anything alcoholic when he came back to the apartment, he only wanted something warm and to soak in the tub, Nanook sitting in the bathroom with him and laying out on the floor getting pet on the head while Bucky listened to music and just zoned out. 

When his best friend wasn’t around, his dog was the best excuse to follow orders and go outside for a long while. He’d bundle himself up knowing it was usually snow waiting out there for him and Nanook would sit by the front door with a leash in his mouth. They got into a decent routine with it, following Bucky’s advice to carry about art supplies in his leather satchel or a good book and his dog was able to enjoy the cold which seemed like a natural thing for him. With some searching he was able to find a nice little dog friendly cafe on their route where he could get a good cup of coffee to keep him warm while sitting outside on the patio that bore heat lamps that basked over him. They had delicious pastries and free treats for Nanook to gobble up as well so it worked out well. He was able to get some work sketches started, drafts for paintings he wanted to do that he put on hold for way too long and now was slowly feeling the sink of determination and some purpose hitting him. 

It wasn’t all easy though, occasionally he saw Tony’s picture on an advertisement for Stark Industries, loud bright billboards showing his flashy smile and his charismatic personality all too readily but it wasn’t like he could really avoid it unless he left town and that wasn’t going to happen. At least him and the dog got along better, Nook picking up on his emotions eerily well and getting into the habit of fussing over him when his mind wandered off too readily into the past, licking fingers or carefully chewing at them just hard enough to spark his attention back to him. 

He was also a little bit of a guard too, played it up with people that seemed to harbor good energy and positive attitudes, Steve would find himself talking to them a lot more than he mentally figured he would as of late considering his mood. Some people would just talk about Nanook, others would talk about the weather in a way that was appealing to keep on going with them, then there were people complimenting him on his artwork and segueing into that. The people that Steve didn’t get much of a good feel for Nanook had no qualms refusing to address, downright laying his large body over Steve’s feet and barely acknowledging someone trying to pet him.

It was immediately what he did when Steve had a surprisingly decent feeling about a handsome guy giving him a friendly smile and nod as he stepped out of the coffee shop near the beginning of their ritual and Steve smiled back at him, his mind wondering if he could do this with people again on a normal basis. Suddenly Nanook growled when the man was stooping down to pet him and Steve held his collar even though the canine wasn’t trying to get away from him. He only gave a warning to the mystery man and laid over Steve’s shoes as Steve apologized and the guy gave him a terse look before he went on his way. It wasn’t until he turned and walked off in mild irritation at Nanook that Steve caught the small pin on the strap of the guy’s backpack that said ‘guns not gays’ and it felt like Steve avoided a huge bullet and probably a huge angry rant made specifically for that asshole. It was actually kind of amazing to Steve, he didn’t exactly understand how the canine assessed people but he trusted him with it after that encounter, always enjoying the people he did talk to and the ones that seemed kind of off, with or without Steve’s feelings on it, Nook usually rid them for him.

Nanook always loved Bucky best though, he never forgot him. Steve only had to hear nails tapping rapidly across the wood floor and skating in front of the door from off his dog bed in the bedroom, or off the couch they were lounging on or off the floor somewhere to know who was on the other side, howling desperately because he barely barked much but he sounded like a damn wolf sometimes when he was too excited to see the love of his life. He’d always laugh to himself and eventually keys fit into the lock and Bucky was laughing already because he could hear him too, playfully roughhousing with him because he could and the only one Steve worried about if it got too much was Bucky because that dog was still growing and Bucky..not so much.

It took a couple of visits for Steve to get into a routine with Bucky when he did show up at his apartment. Once those two settled in, he took it upon himself to have something warm to drink for Buck and have take out or something he could actually make ready for him to eat. Occasionally Sam dropped off extra meals that were already frozen when only he was around so he could voice his opinion that this was not Bucky’s job and Steve should get his act together. He wasn’t entirely sure when it happened but somehow Bucky volunteering to work had put a bee in Sam’s bonnet and even though his best friend wasn’t angry, he was seemingly looking a bit disappointed and that made it much worse. 

Steve enjoyed it, the domestic side, they managed things together. It distracted him at home, for the most part. He still lost time inside his apartment in an absent funk riding a roller coaster of emotions from crying, to anger, to frustration and loss. A lot of things had lingering memories of Tony and sometimes something crossed his path that was a gift from him or something he used. It was hard when he thought he just might be on the mend and then he suddenly just wanted to crawl into bed and shut down from the world.

*****

By about day six of Bucky covering for him, Steve was sitting on the end of his bed with a storage bin at his feet staring at the large closet in front of him. Various knick knacks that were Tony’s sat underneath gifts he had been given that were too sentimental for Steve to look at every day. He hadn’t planned to throw the bin away but he relied heavily on it all being out of sight and out of mind until he was in a better headspace to decide what to do with them.

He raised his head to Nanook tearing away from off the bed where he had been sleeping beside him and was now howling desperately before a minute later keys hit the lock. Panic washed over him when he remembered, completely forgetting to have things ready for Bucky. He slapped a hand across his forehead, getting up and heading out of the bedroom to figure out what he could do in a pinch. They both almost collided in the hallway, and he straightened up when Bucky flashed him a grin.

“Sorry Stevie!”

“No, I’m sorry. I lost track of the time. I didn’t even draw you a bath and I know you like soaking in it..”

Bucky shrugged, “It’s okay. You’re not my butler, you don’t have to do it. I can do it myself if I really want to have one. The only reason I never said anything was because you seemed all fixated and it looked like it was distracting you. It was making you smile, but really I don’t expect it. I stink like moldy beer though so I’m gonna go do that.”

Bucky broke away, tugging off his t-shirt. Steve could only watch after him, quietly admiring the fact that his jeans were riding low and those very adorable dimples above his ass were looking right back at him. He shook his head and swept his eyes to the floor, his ears pinking a little because maybe it had been almost three weeks of letting go of Tony but now the memories and feelings of the one reason why all this happened intricately began weaving itself into his very soul again.

“Some asshole was pissed at Pietro for something. Threw his whole mug of beer at him and of course I was walking by at the same time. I hopped that bar top so damn fast, now I see why you have to know how to defend yourself. Some people..”

Steve walked over and rested his shoulder against the wall, picking up the soaked t-shirt to tuck it into the laundry hamper, “You alright?”

Bucky nodded, keys jingling away as he rummaged through a dresser drawer Steve cleared out for him when he was accumulating more clothes than not, “Yeah, perfect except that I stink.”

Steve hummed out softly in agreement, “You want to eat something? Think we have leftover Chinese.”

“Yeah sure.” Collecting a fresh pair of clothes he went into the bathroom to take a shower, his dog following after him before the door shut.

*****

Steve kept thinking about how he found the first few days hard. The initial shock of losing someone you cared about felt earth shattering and he could barely get out of bed. When he did he was crying at everything and food had no reason or rhyme to it.

The large area of time to get over shock and pain shifted into this limbo of ache, sadness and confusion. He missed Tony, numerous times wanted to get a hold of him to tell him they should reconsider but he knew better, was better than that. He knew it was a false ideal and that they weren’t meant to be. They were better as friends than lovers and then there was Bucky. Coming to his rescue once again and completely there for him. He feelings had fallen to the side, pain and tears taking over. Bucky stayed without wanting anything in return and being everything for Steve. Now everything slowly began to seep back into every fiber of his being that he was in love with this man that didn’t want anything to do with him in that way. 

Of course he wasn’t stupid, they had _something_ , a pull they both seemed to experience but as his heart seemed to pick up things slowly in small fragmented bits and make that home again in it; for Bucky though he only seemed to recoil instead of pull closer and Steve couldn’t exactly understand which only left him confused. There wasn’t forehead touches anymore, not many hair or temple kisses, no mutual cuddling most of it pulled away when he stopped crying for Tony. He only wanted that physical contact they always shared but Bucky didn’t want to much, he did at times, but it was minimal and careful. 

Half of the second week of Bucky taking his job temporarily came in and he wanted Bucky and it came in like a fire inside of him with no warning. The slow burn of a candle lit just for him grew into a bigger flame and for the past three days he was feeling consumed. He spent them upset and hurt, or moaning for Bucky in the sheets when he was in the apartment alone. He couldn’t stop himself and a part of him knew he never wanted to, allowed now to step in the shower and let thoughts stray to soft skin and milky white thighs easily comparable to any girl he had every been in the company of, flushed lips trying to find a breath of air as Steve listened to delicate little sounds of pleasure slip away.

Guilt overtook him after he came, it always did. He knew it was sad and pathetic of him, but it all came back and he couldn’t escape it. 

Slowly he got it, understood himself. He was looking for attention, for Bucky to love him back like everything was normal between them. His mind was in the wrong place, loss and mourning replaced by needs and desires that his body focused on and set its sights on the one person that was there for him always. The stronger he felt that yearning the more he saw Natasha's dubiousness, the more he was aware of Brock whispering in Bucky's ear; he didn't blame either of them. He didn't even blame Sam for the way he asked questions that were vague and supposedly neutral but had intent in them to make sure he wasn't acting stupid, he understood the motive and it only made him become more aware of his own self because of it.

He was a mess that he had to clean up, he owed it to himself, he owed it especially to Bucky.

*****

The fifth day into the second week Steve was going into the kitchen to fix Bucky some food, and mentally he was ready to pick up the reins and get back into work. It was overdue and he was looking forward to it actually, seeing the old gang and regulars. He wanted that routine again and at least he was getting back into painting, letting Ms. Foster know he was a little delayed on projection times with a couple pieces he had pitched to her. She seemed happy that he was out of his funk at least and that he was trying to get his life back together, he was starting to feel good again, bit by bit.

Bucky was in the shower and by the time his food was taken out on a plate and heated through before being set on the table he had emerged from the bathroom with slick hair in black sweats and a blue t-shirt. He fell into the chair with a tired yawn and immediately began to shovel food into his mouth. Steve could only sit across from him and watch, his chin resting on his hand lost in his head.

Halfway through Bucky stopped, realizing eyes were on him. He swallowed down what was in his mouth with raised brows, “Aren’t you eating?”

Steve shook his head, “I had a soup and sandwich earlier at that cafe I told you about that has the heated dog friendly patio. Me and Nook came home maybe an hour before you did, took down the tree and started a little on putting away decorations. Had to decide if I wanted to pack away the ones Tony gave to hang up or if I just wanted to put them in the storage bin with his other stuff.”

Bucky stared at him in concern, “Are you alright?”

He knew he was going to say yes, that he was for that moment because Bucky was there and Bucky _cared_ but then that face across the table just looked so broken for him and Steve could only feel unhappy again, immediately folding arms over the table and pressing his face against them. He wasn’t much for crying the past couple of days but it was still lingering there. It was weird to feel so hopeless, the random sensation coming in when he least expected it. He knew it was going to happen because this was how he was before but worse when it was his mother yet he always disliked when he wasn’t ready for it anymore and it just happened. He hated all the negativity just waiting to feed off him.

The chair scraped across the floor and Bucky was at his side, coaxing Steve to sit himself up and use him instead. He turned and buried his face into chest, feeling fingers stroking at his hair and Bucky’s cheek resting against the top of it.

“You’re okay Stevie, I promise.”

God, he hated all this.

*****

Bucky stared up at the ceiling, the time on his phone telling him it was a little after two in the morning. He had tried to sleep laying on his back, Nanook was beside the bed in his own dog bed and Steve was already in a deep sleep with his body curled against him, partially draped over the side of him, one muscular arm holding him by the ribs possessively and his head tucked against his shoulder.

It was happening over and over again, the emotion of feeling like he was coming home to Steve and nothing hurt when in reality everything did. Everything Bucky wanted was in a small cozy apartment encasing a blond haired and blue eyed man that mourned the death of his relationship with a dog too now. Steve stopped looking at him like he was something else, well he did in a way but then in others he didn’t while he was sad and depressed and Bucky mourned it more often than not, but then it came back again. The small bits of Steve’s attention he liked that he had no idea what made him be that way but liked. He noticed it more the last couple of days but it was different, it was _off_ and he didn’t know what to do with it. 

Right now pressed so close to him, feeling his heartbeat and soft breath against his skin. Bucky’s fingers gravitated to golden strands and stroked lightly at it, picking up the sounds of lofty sighs of pleasure. Body pushing as close as he could to Bucky’s own and it felt good, _too good_ and he wasn’t sure about being this close to Steve. When and only when Steve was deeply asleep did Bucky’s fingers stroke his cheeks that sometimes were stained with tears wishing to kiss away his pain that was more absent but still lingering. When he knew for sure it was safe, he would tell him he wanted to save from everything always if he would allow him to.

But the look Steve gave him these recent days, it was laced with looks other people gave him. He saw Steve in them but he also saw something he couldn’t exactly explain, it wasn’t something he wanted. He wasn’t uncomfortable but Bucky didn’t want what looked like the beginning of Steve looking for a rebound even if Bucky was willing to. He knew it would end up bad in the end and he began moving to the couch to avoid anything encroaching on that level of intimacy just to avoid his heart from breaking. Natasha also made sure he remembered that, over and over again, and Brock made that face of concern he did when Bucky would tell him he was going to Steve’s after or his tone changed if it was over the phone. They were both like wary parents and he could understand why, but he had to do what was right, check up on Steve, check up on Nook, and overall see how he was progressing especially since he would lose his job if he wasn’t going to make it on Monday.

It was hard to be close and pull away at the same time, he told himself to stop leaning in for his touch, to do things familiar and affectionate and _right_ because Steve wasn’t mended and his head wasn’t in a good place for anything aside from ritual things like work and his prior hobbies.

How much he would have loved to turn in to that overbearing warmth and absorb it in like a sponge, faces close and whispering soft things but it was dangerous because Brock was right when he was talking to Jack at the gym, he would give in to him because he wanted Steve to want him.

He did what was right for both of them, carefully freeing himself from Steve’s hold under legs and an arm and inching carefully off the bed, stealing his pillow and the extra blanket Steve kept to the side in case they got cold from the winter chill outside. Nanook didn’t stir until Bucky was stepping out of the bedroom and then he turned to the soft jingle of his tags as he approached, peering up at his with a curious look. Bucky gave his head a soft pat and they both trekked to the living room, setting up for rest in there.

Steve woke up a few minutes after Bucky’s departure finding the bed empty and the faint glow of the living room lamp on. Bucky went to sleep on the couch again and Steve frowned. He had no idea how many nights Bucky had left the bed in general but he had started noticing the habit just a few days ago. It was weird to link it with his new attention but he wasn’t sure what Bucky was picking up on. He also didn’t want to ask and open a can of worms that neither wanted to talk about. Bucky was still himself, he wasn’t acting awkward or different, he only kept affection sparse and maybe that was good because of how he was feeling. He wasn’t entirely sure how he was projecting himself.

Still, it was a little painful and he couldn’t help feel rejected not having him close but if Bucky needed space, he had no reason to ask him to come back. If that was what Bucky felt comfortable with, Steve was left to lie alone and make himself go to sleep. He had no idea how he got here, to this point and he had no idea how he was going to smooth everything out so it was all back to normal again. It was a worry that was starting to keep him up at night.

*****

Bucky was finally on his last day as Steve’s replacement and the night was going quite well. No one had been a jackass and he was stacking glasses when he heard a greatly missed voice behind him.

“So _this_ is where you’ve been hiding the past week or something! Why didn’t you tell me you were slumming it with a new job?”

Bucky turned, already smiling as Johnny pulled himself up onto a stool while he was wiping down one of the last few glasses he had to put away, “Nah, you already know I’m covering for Steve. I told you about him being really choked up about Tony still when he was supposed to return back to work so I just got a crazy idea and went with it. I only have a tonight left then it’s all him. I think he’s much better than he was before, got time to realize he shouldn’t dwell on the pain."

He turned, grabbing a beer for him and twisting the top off before resting it down on a coaster.

A wide grin spread across Jo’s face, leaning in on the bar top with a conspiratory lowered voice, “Thanks. So when are you going to, you know, finally freaking tell him then?”

Bucky lowered his eyes, twisting the cloth in his hands, “I..I don’t want to be a rebound.”

Johnny looked at him thoughtfully, taking a sip from his bottle before he gave in, nodding in agreement, “Yeah alright, I’ll give you that one.”

“So what have you been up to?”

“Bored! I’ve been so bored, missing you for one thing. Wanted to take you out tonight since you mentioned being here and it’s been like three weeks since I got some time alone with you, didn’t realize you meant you were working here all night.”

Laughing, Bucky rested a hand against Johnny’s giving it a soft squeeze, “I miss you too, I usually go back to Steve’s and make sure he’s okay or Natasha’s place because she doesn’t want me, you know getting into it with him kinda thing too much. He’s kinda looking at me different too so I think he’s out of the shock phase and needing someone’s attention, I hope Sam can help with that and him working back here so his head is busy again.”

A warm smile spread along Johnny’s face, turning his hand over to hold Bucky’s as blue eyes studied him, “You’re in so deep Barnes. Just make sure you’re taking care of yourself too, you kind of forget to do that my friend. If you need anything just drop me a text, I got your back.”

Bucky smiled shyly at him, he really did miss Johnny the past while, tugging his hand gently, “Can I have a kiss?”

Brows went up in surprise and Johnny grinned, “Is Bucky Barnes asking _moi_ for a kiss? Something must be screwed up in this world.”

Hitting him with the cloth, Bucky gave him a childish pout, “Shut up.”

Johnny only grabbed him by the front of his shirt and pulled him in as he leaned forward and they kissed each other, warm and perfect and smiles brushed against each others mouths like no one was around and it was all familiar again.

They both turned to wolf whistles from some customers and Bucky blushed as he straightened up, his friend grinning like he did, eyes returning back to Bucky, “ _Really_ missed you.”

Huffing out a small laugh, Bucky turned to pick up some empties at the end of the bar, “Yeah, me too.”

His shift went a little faster with Johnny hanging about repeatedly trying to sell him like some sweet adorable prince Charming to the ladies and repeatedly winking behind them at him. Bucky found it hard to not laugh, shaking his head and grinning which only made Storm’s pitch more convincing. With the way he was getting looked at by some of the more aggressive ladies touching his arm and leaning close to him, he was glad it wasn’t normal to get panties flung around. It was all harmless and Jo was having fun at his expense, it was something while keeping on top of serving others and filling orders. Sometimes Natasha had to get a little pushy so she could give him some of the tickets for tables but other than that it was pretty entertaining, he didn’t mind it.

Through the fun and games a gym rat looking guy kept glancing in Johnny’s direction and Bucky was kind of musing over it. With the way Johnny was looking his way and then glancing back to Bucky with a grin, he knew Jo knew too. 

Eventually the guy got the guts to make his way over and take the just recently vacated seat next to Johnny, “Hey there. Can I buy you a beer?"

Jo smiled at him, finishing off the last bit in his bottle, “Of course you can."

Bucky smirked at his friend giving him a teasing wink before retrieving a new bottle of beer for him, setting it down and taking the empty, “You need somethin’?"

The man held out a bill, still staring at Johnny as he shook his head, “Nah I think I’m fine with just the company."

He had dark eyes and a dangerously lecherous smile. Johnny met the smile with one of his own.

A rush hit and Bucky had to get back to work, catering to filling a handful of orders and one of which was attached to a bachelorette party and the karaoke stage got livelier as did the volume. Occasionally he saw Johnny and the same guy talking lowly together and he was okay with that as long as his friend was. 

It wasn’t until he was taking payment for someones tab and saw down the bar at the guy rest a hand on Johnny’s shoulder who in turn very casually raised his own hand up just to take the guy’s off. Still wearing a smile and still diplomatic as ever. 

He handed the person he was tending to their change and casually got within earshot, fresh wounds setting him on edge knowing this wasn’t anything like that but he was still feeling himself tense.

“Oh come on, I’ve seen you around. I figured you’d be flattered.”

Johnny laughed at the man, shrugging like he didn’t know what else he could say to someone like him but Bucky didn’t like it. Didn’t like the way he was touching Johnny, the way he was being an asshole to him. 

A couple approached the bar and seated themselves next to the pair of them ordering some beers. Bucky placed the two beers before the duo and took payment trying his hardest to keep himself out of the business with Jo but as casual as his friend was, he disliked the way the guy was leaning closer to him. He let it slide until the third attempt a few minutes later and he found himself grasping the man’s wrist, _hoping_ he put enough pressure on it to make his point, wrenching it off Johnny’s hand with a set jaw and an angry glare.

“ _Don’t_ keep trying to touch him when he clearly doesn’t want you to.”

The man rolled his eyes, pulling his hand free, “Oh great, looky here. We got the bartender with a heart of gold. Lay off, he’s not complaining so what’s the problem?”

Warmth surged around Bucky’s face, his heart pounding. He kept trying to tell himself this wasn’t the same person, not at all but he couldn’t help the way he was feeling something inside of him boiling up. Sighing loudly, he made his annoyance clear not worried about how he may suddenly sound, “My problem is you. Get the fuck out before I kick you out and I swear to God if I ever see you again I’ll slam your face into a fucking wall I promise you.”

“Jesus guy, what’re you the good manners police or something? Or do you have a sweet spot for our friend here?”

Johnny pursed his lips, knowing how this was going to play out, a simple smile set on his face not sure what he could really say when Bucky got this way. Not that it was a bad thing.

“He’s my friend and I’m not going to hang around here while you talk to him like he deserves to be badgered by a piece of shit like you. Now _leave_.”

Showing clear irritation towards Bucky’s sudden aggression he stood up from his stool and fully faced him in front of the bar, “Look _Pal_ this is clearly none of your fucking business so- ”

Bucky’s fist intercepted the rest of the sentence, hitting him straight in the mouth, the people surrounding the bar all moving back as the guy stumbled past his stool and crashed to the floor.

Johnny watched him fall, wincing slightly.

Pietro jogged to his side, “Oh! S-a intamplat ceva?”

Bucky ignored him and stepped off one of the shelving units and onto the top of the bar, hopping over it and landing with his feet planted at either side of the man’s waist as he groaned, trying to get up. 

Steve stood frozen by the doors, wanting to pay a surprise visit and talking to one of the other waitresses on shift when she caught sight of him only to find Bucky yelling at someone over Johnny. He quickly snapped back to reality and jogged over, wrapping his hands around Bucky’s right arm, “Buck, stop. Stop! He gets it, he’s leaving,” He turned to the guy, “Right?”

The man groaned, still trying to shakily get up but he nodded slightly, backing himself away from the pair of them. Johnny raised his beer in a salute, someone holding out a handful of tissues with a smirk for his bleeding nose. The guy stumbled out of the crowd, a few people mockingly saying bye before everyone dispersed and continued on with whatever they were doing.

Steve faced him, “What had gotten into you? Nick doesn’t want fighting in his bar!”

Pietro leaned over, holding out a cloth wrapped in some ice as Bucky groaned at his best friend, taking the ice pack with a thankful nod, “He was being an asshole to Jo. I told him to leave, he decided not to so I held up my end of the bargain. If you’re gonna lecture me about it you can fuck off too.”

Steve frowned, “Don’t be stupid, I’m not gonna lecture you. I just don’t want you to get into trouble over it. There’s other ways to deal with jerks besides losing your temper Buck.”

Glancing at his hand, Bucky flexed it and found it was only a deep red, nothing too bad. He looked over at him, holding it up so Steve wouldn’t worry about it, “Look who’s talkin’, besides I’m fine Stevie, I’m really fine.”

“Fuck, c’mere.” Steve sighed, throwing his arm around Bucky’s neck, tugging him against his frame, “You’re worse than I am, geez.”

A part of Bucky stuttered a moment at the contact he had mostly starved himself from but he eased in his arms and felt himself smile, giving Steve’s back a soft pat, “You know I am.” 

Chuckling, Steve shrugged as he drew back, staring at him, “I forget you act like you’re packing on the muscle and can bench press me when it’s the other way around.” 

Raising a brow, Bucky smirked, “I could take you on Rogers, don’t you fret.”

Steve snorted, “Right, the second I tickle you it’s over.” 

Bucky punched his pec, going back behind the bar because he was still on the clock

Steve lingered around the bar after checking in with Nick in the office and getting a tough lecture on how he was lucky Bucky was as personable as he sold himself out to be and could actually make drinks but warned him if he does that crap again he was going to be fired. Steve agreed wholeheartedly and thanked him for his time.

“Be seeing you tomorrow then, Rogers?” Nick asked sternly as he gave him a look, shuffling paperwork together. 

Steve nodded and smiled, “Yes sir, half an hour early to make sure I get everything in order.”

“Good. You can go now.”

Steve agreed with a half smile letting himself out and closing the office door behind him, Natasha lingering in the small hallway smirking at him.

He made his way towards her, “Wasn’t as bad as I thought.”

Slipping her arm around his as they walked, she laughed, “He’s just a big grumpy bear.”

“He threatened to fire me if I pulled that again.”

She agreed with the threat and he nudged her softly, “Brown noser.”

“Not at all,” She sniffed absently, “I’m just his favorite.”

Laughing, Steve rolled his eyes but only because he knew it was true.

*****

Steve managed to spend most of the night not with himself and a dog staring at him but with familiar faces at work and in the crowd, greeting old regulars and hearing various comments about Bucky from ‘I hope you put a ring on him’ (while trying to pretend he had no idea what they were talking about and getting a look of irritation over it) to ‘He’s a wonderful charming young man’, they were all positive and warmed him from the inside out.

Except when it was all said and done and he was helping to close, Johnny was tucked away in one of the side booths waiting while typing away on his phone and it was stupid of him not to realize Bucky wasn’t going to come spend time with him. 

“Hey.”

He broke out of his thoughts to turn his head and see Bucky leaning against the bar beside him, “Hey back.”

Bucky smiled softly, “It was good to see you hanging around here.”

Nodding as he watched him brush a hand to push his bangs back, Steve caught red knuckles and was reminded of the earlier trouble, instinct kicking in and he took Bucky’s hand to look at the faint bruising.

A small sound slipped from Bucky before he pulled his hand away and pressed it to his own chest, a momentarily lapse of his own impulses throwing him off and his face heated up, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to pull away.”

Steve shook his head, everything was different now with them, he was trying to go back to the past but also trying to mend himself. He didn’t get this warped feeling of past and present, helplessness taking over.

“No, that’s all on me. I’m sorry I made you uncomfortable.”

“You didn’t Stevie, I’m just..jumpy I guess..you know with that guy earlier in the evening and thinking he might come back.” 

Even though Steve knew that was a lie he nodded to him in agreement watching Bucky’s fingers tracing along his flushed knuckles and giving him a kind smile, “It’s alright, I kinda forgot about it.” 

Natasha came from the back as she pulled her coat on, gesturing towards the doors, “I’m ready to go, Bucky?”

He nodded, setting Steve’s key card on the bar top beside him then turned to Pietro, “Have fun without me Piet.”

The male grinned, “Yeah, now you leave me with stick in the mud Steve, won’t happen.” 

“Hey!” 

He and Bucky laughed as Natasha tugged the brunette towards the doors, “Bye guys. Come on Johnny.”

As he watched them all leave, Steve wasn’t entirely sure what to feel, his gaze lingering out towards the street before the sound of Pietro clinking glasses as he shifted them from the counter top to the shelf brought him back and he turned to watch him. He slid up on the stool, resting an arm across the bar top and the silver haired male turned and gave him a knowing smile.

“Maybe this isn’t the right thing to say because, well it’s me but..go slow.” 

Steve cocked his head to one side, brows coming together in question and Pietro laughed as he pointed towards the front doors, “ _Slow_.” 

“I know what slow means Piet.” He grinned, resting a hand under his chin.

He rolled his eyes, “Your iubito. Collect yourself first, prietenul meu.”

Sighing a little, but still smiling, Steve shrugged a little, “Weren’t you just telling me ‘go after some of that sandwich!’ a while ago?”

Pietro laughed, setting another pair of glasses up on the shelf, “Yes, I did. But now it’s different, yeah?” 

Wholeheartedly agreeing, Steve nodded finger tracing the grain, “Very different.”

*****

“Where are you?”

Bucky strolled along the pebbled walkway, giving Charles a smile as he walked through the door taking the thin stack of letters and yellow envelopes he held out. 

“ _Home_ home. Just getting the mail, refreshing my wardrobe stuff like that. Mom told me there’s a contract she wants me to look over for an agency I work with in Europe, they have a branch here and want me to look into it.”

“Bucky..” 

Steve already started and Bucky couldn’t stop his grin as he made a route for the kitchen and wrapped his arm around Imogen’s waist as she was at the stove looking over a sauce and startling her in the process. She twirled around in annoyance but it quickly dissipated, closing her mouth when she saw him on the phone. He pressed a kiss to her cheek and gave her a wink.

“Stevie, before you start,” He held back a laugh when Imogen suddenly brightened more so hearing who was on the call. “They’re not home, I checked their flight itinerary before I bothered to show up and I’m kinda curious about the modeling stuff, it’s not like I hate it. I just didn’t feel comfortable when I was unhappy. You can look it over with me if you want.” 

Steve chuckled, “I was more worried about your parents being around, if you wanna model I’m more than happy for you to do it where you’re comfortable.”

“Good, Imgy say hi Steve.”

She turned from the stove, leaning instinctively towards the phone, “Hi Steve. When are you coming over so I can feed you again?”

Pressing the phone to her ear, Bucky cuddled behind her with his chin on her shoulder as Steve laughed softly, “Soon, very soon. I definitely miss that roasted pork you made before.” 

“Oh, well in that case you get James to bring you over here and I’ll make it again for you with all the fixings.”

Grinning, Bucky tilted his head against hers, “He won’t be able to walk outta here if he ate all that. You know he was complaining about a full belly like a baby when he was eating your cooking last time?”

“Buck!” 

Laughing, Imogen lightly patted Bucky’s cheek, “I’m sure Steve will prepare himself better next time.” 

Bucky grinned as he straightened himself up and took the phone back, “Doubtful.”

Lowering the phone, he began to backtrack with the mail, “I’ll come down in a bit, need to get some stuff out and planning to do some laps in the pool. You and me, tea time after?” 

She smiled at him and nodded, turning back to the stove, “You know where to find me Sunshine.” 

He beamed and made his way up the stairs, absently opening letters for credit card approvals, donation receipts, newsletters.

“So I was thinking about asking you if you’re free for dinner tonight.”

Bucky tilted his head forgetting he was still on a call for second, holding the mail to his chest, “Oh? When did you have to ask me to take me out to dinner? You have random bouts of surprising and taking me out to places.” 

“Shut up, I wanna ask you this time and take you somewhere..as a thanks for being there for me.”

He couldn’t help the blush coloring his face, “Stevie, I’m always gonna be there for you. You know that doofus.”

Setting aside the envelope with the contract on the drum table, he threw some junk mail into the small wastebasket, leaning back against the table listening to Steve laugh.

“Well not a lot of friends would beg my boss to work in my place so that was a little extra and I wanna say thank you. I know I’m still getting used to everything feeling different but I’d like to. You and Sam.” 

“You don’t have to, but sure sounds fun.” 

Steve said something in excitement but Bucky lost track of him as he slid away a couple of envelopes to the side he could tell were from foundations he would look at when he was off the phone. Instead he was distracted by a small postcard sitting front and center now against the last letters waiting for him. Palm trees sat with an empty hammock and white sanded beach for as far as the eye could see, water so blue and perfect. The corner of his mouth quirked up, the edges warn a little from travel from wherever but nothing bad, ‘Wish you were here!’ sat scrawled across the top and Bucky had no idea which one of his friends went somewhere tropical but it was nice nonetheless. 

“So, Italian, Asian or Indian, no scratch Indian, Sam will get upset again. You know how he got last time- Buck you there?” 

Steve’s voice zoned back in and Bucky blinked absently, “Yeah? Yeah I’m here, someone sent me a postcard and- ” 

He flipped it over and there were only two words and a name, a choked gasp escaping as he dropped all the mail on the floor and stepped away from it like it was tainted. 

“And what Buck? You okay?”

Fear crept and coiled in, fast and rampant, taking a hold of Bucky as he pressed against the wall and couldn’t take his eyes off the card like it would come to life and turn into something horrible.

“Buck? Hey Bucky? You okay? I heard you dropped some papers or something. You alright?”

“No.” He croaked out into the phone, gripping it tightly, voice trembling and he knew he was breathing too fast.

“Bucky, stop breathing like that. Bucky.” 

Legs suddenly felt like jelly and gave out on him feeling himself slide against the wall, trying to control his hyperventilating as his eyes roved around the room, “What if he’s here Steve? I can’t, I don’t want to ever see him ever again!” 

“Buck, what are you talking about? Who?” 

Bucky went eerily silent on the line, letting his arm drop down against his lap and the phone slipped from his fingers, sliding along his jeans and lightly clattering to the floor. He didn’t know what to think, staring at the postcard goading, taunting him, pulling his legs in against his chest protectively.

What did that mean? Two words entirely vague but so heavy with meaning.

Two simple words, handwritten neatly in black ink and surrounded by blank white stationary, signed off by his own torturous ghost.

_**Miss you.  
Alex** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I don’t know, I’m aware Clint has two different birthdays in different months (??? wut) so I stuck with the MCU’s. Also there will be another HH short because apparently I have no chill.
> 
> (Polish) Mala zlodziejko - Little thief  
> (Romanian) S-a intamplat ceva - Did something happen?  
> Iubito - Beloved  
> Prietenul meu - My friend


	29. What if I can’t give him everything?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky lowers his guard around Steve after the postcard and shines a small light on his past; although Steve wonders if it's too soon for either of them to become close like they had been prior, he doesn't fight it when the chance is offered not realizing how careful he should be with it. Jack finally gets the message. (PT 1 of 2.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is only the first half so I'm sorry. I've been a little behind with things and I'm rewriting a part in the next chapter because I didn't like it so bear with me. Also I never meant to but [StarSpangledBucky](http://archiveofourown.org/users/StarSpangledBucky/) pointed out that OC Kyle is vaguely based off Tyler Hoechlin aka Derek Hale from TW then I was like God I did do that, so there you go if you want to visualize Bucky's martini guy. ;)
> 
> [Chapter 29.pic/gif](http://kalika999.tumblr.com/post/161309530815/hunger-of-the-pine-chapter-29-pt-1-of-2)

**Late January 2016**  
  


“Buck?”

A warm gentle hand patted his cheek, eyes opening partially before slipping closed again. 

“No no, come on. Open your eyes for me.”

“Should I call an ambulance?”

_Imogen._

Hands stroked his cheeks and he made a small sound, fatigue taking over and it was an effort to even raise his hand to rest at the person’s forearm.

“No, he should be okay. I’ve seen him like this a few times, just a minor panic attack. Water maybe?”

“I’ll be right back then.” 

Bucky’s eyes finally managed to open and stay that way, sky blue eyes staring at him carefully, “Johnny?”

He seemed relieved as he smiled, “Hey there. Welcome back.”

A soft sigh escaped Bucky, his hands scrambling up and over Jo’s jacket sleeves to pull and keep him there before finally arms managed to wrap around his neck, hugging him painfully tight, “How’d you find me like this?”

“You weren’t answering my texts for over half an hour, you always answer them unless you tell me you’re busy and when your last text said you were here and then you go radio silent, well I had to come looking for you and make sure you were okay.”

Bucky settled against warm familiar bones, curling his face against Storm’s neck and breathing in his scent, his heart rate easing as he squeezed his fists around the material of his jacket not wanting him to move away.

“I got you Sweets,” He whispered gently and Bucky only pulled him tighter to him. “..When did you get that postcard?”

Stilling, Bucky barely remembered the card, footsteps coming back up and he tilted his head back to catch Jo’s eyes, “ _Don’t_ say anything in front of her.”

Imogen stepped in, a strained look of worry across her face. She smiled immediately the moment their gaze met and she knelt down to hand over the water, rubbing his side, “How are you feeling?”

“I’m fine.” It wasn’t entirely a lie but he didn’t wanna worry her more than she was already and that was too much. 

He forced himself to drink down half the water, leaning back up against the wall he had slid down along with the both of them watching him carefully. He knew Charles had been there too but discreetly left seconds before Imogen went for the water. 

“What happened?” 

Bucky shook his head, “I, I think I just forgot to eat and felt a little dizzy was all. I didn’t mean to worry you Img.”

She frowned, cupping his cheek and he enjoyed the pressure there before she shifted and pulled him into a hug, “How many times have I told you not to get so caught up with things that you forget to take care of yourself. Really James.”

They drew back and he nodded slowly, straining a smile for her, “I know, I knew I was going to eat here I guess I just passed it off. I’m sorry.”

She fretted over him, frowning a little and he forced a small laugh, “I’m fine, I promise. I just need a little time to settle again.”

“Do you want me to make you something? Some sandwiches? Johnny?” 

Johnny shook his head, “Not for me thanks, I’ve got an appointment I have to get to but I had some time to stop before I did.” 

Smiling at him, Bucky nodded to Imogen, “Maybe a sandwich but I’ll come to the kitchen in a bit.” 

She nodded to him and patted his cheek lightly, giving Johnny’s shoulder a light squeeze before she rose up and left the room to give Bucky some space.

Listening to footsteps descend the stairs Johnny leaned in a gave Bucky a light kiss, “You’re starting to make me care too much you know that? Quit it.”

Bucky smiled, rubbing his nose across his cheek, a hand reaching up to cup his jaw and press another kiss, “I’m sorry, could make it up to you..” He tilted his head and tried to press another kiss in, more urgent and less innocent but Jo drew back, a firm hand against his chest.

“No, we’re not doing that.”

Swallowing nervously, Bucky blinked at him, “But don’t you- ”

“ -Want it? Yeah, with you always. Not this way though. You need to take it easy and get some rest.”

They hadn’t been paying much attention to the murmuring in the main hall until heavy footsteps rapidly came up the stairs and entered the room, pushing the door open looking around frantic until eyes rested on the both of them on the floor.

“Buck.” 

Tired eyes turned to Steve behind the door moving around it towards him while arms slowly went up for him, “Steve.”

Johnny shifted aside so Steve could kneel down and wrap his arms around Bucky, engulfing him, “Hey are you okay? Imogen said you had a panic attack.”

He drew back to cup Bucky’s face as the brunette nodded quickly, “Yeah I’m fine. I’m okay.”

“What happened?” 

Johnny was pressing the postcard against Steve’s arm before Bucky could even protest about it, “This happened.”

Confused, Steve turned to Johnny as he took the card and looked at the front quickly before he flipped it over and concern ran over his features, “What is this? Some kind of joke?”

Wringing his hands together, Bucky looked from Johnny to Steve and he shrugged, “I don’t know. I haven’t spoken to Alexander in two years. He disappeared and I’ve never had contact with him until now, if that’s even him. I got scared.” 

Johnny shook his head, “It’s _not_ him. There’s no return, there’s no indication it came from outside of New York even. It’s a stupid callous joke.” 

Steve frowned, looking at Johnny carefully and then studying the card which he was right about. Whoever sent it, was local, “Unless he’s here.”

The idea alone caused Bucky’s hands to come up against his face and press them to his cheeks as he curled his legs back up against his chest, “He _can’t_ be.”

Something inside of Steve tore away, profound and painful, digging deeper into delicate areas protected by muscle and bone and he knew it was some kind of hysterical fear he was taking in, an empathy he was feeling at how Bucky was seemingly so deathly afraid of the very idea. He regret even saying what he did. He stared at Johnny keeping a constant hand at Bucky’s thigh, although moving to relinquish being the one in Bucky’s immediate personal space, he was tethering himself to him as a consistent reminder he was there.

“He’s not here. There’s no way he’s in New York.” 

Eyes glanced up to Johnny as Bucky nervously swallowed, “You think so?”

Johnny looked towards Steve and then to Bucky, nodding to him, “I _know_. I think I would have noticed his name popping up in the inane chatter that I come across. All this is a joke Buck, a really bad joke.”

Tilting his head to consider it, Bucky leaned closer to the wall fingers twitching absently in nervousness, “It’s his writing though, I know his writing.” 

“And it’s probably someone close to him that can forge it.”

Steve didn’t miss the change of Storm’s tone, pitch going up a little as he argued his point and from the way Bucky seemed to ease his shoulders down a bit he noticed it too and believed him. He watched Johnny move his hand up and grasp one of Bucky’s carefully, smiling at him. 

“You’re okay. Alright?” 

Bucky stared back at him, honest and earnest, hand squeezing his while fingers laced together and for a second Steve wondered if he should even be here feeling like he was out of place to witness their obvious affection for each other before Johnny shifted closer and pressed a kiss against awaiting lips and that warm familiar sensation of jealousy crept its way in as Bucky pulled his friend’s hand in to keep him close. 

Steve steered his eyes to the floor attempting to ignore the sound of wet lips, faint and minor but there and louder than it should be in his ears. He waited a few seconds before he looked up just to see Storm whispering something in Bucky’s ear and whatever it had been caused him to blush immediately, drawing back so they met eye to eye again and Bucky nodded, “I do too.” 

“I’m going to get going but Steve is here, right?”

Blinking a moment, Steve found himself nodding dumbly because he had already assumed it was going to be the other way around and he was going to be sent off. Bucky looked as equally surprised and Steve couldn’t help the pang of hurt from that.

Johnny was only smirking like something was up but he was usually always wearing that look so Steve couldn’t much tell what was going on. 

“Is that okay? I mean if you want him to stay I can go and- ” He stopped himself from rambling, he didn’t want to leave, he wanted to be there for Bucky but he wasn’t sure what Bucky really wanted and this wasn’t about him. 

“I want you to stay.” Bucky finally let out in the silence, turning his expression to Johnny with a slight frown of his mouth like they were communicating something through their eyes. 

Johnny only smiled again at him, softly pinching Bucky’s cheek, “You’ll be okay, I promise and all this postcard stuff is a trick. Don’t believe in it. Okay?”

To cement that he was serious he held out his pinkie and Bucky smiled at him, hooking his own pinkie with his.

“You’re a child Jo..”

“Pinkie swear.”

“I pinkie swear that you’re a child.”

Laughing lightly, Johnny shook their hooked fingers, “Buck..”

Bucky sighed loudly but he was smiling, “I pinkie swear that I don’t believe this is really from Alex.”

“Good because it’s not. I promise you that.”

Bucky seemed to be listening, nodding softly as Johnny got up and pulled Bucky to his feet with him whether he wanted to or not but he didn’t seem too bothered as Steve kept himself on the floor for now and out of their way. He watched them give each other quick pecks and Bucky thanked him. Johnny swept his hand down one of Bucky’s arms one last time, grinning on the outside as he made one more innuendo at his friends expense but it didn’t completely reach his eyes.

Steve pulled himself up suddenly attacked by a sensation aside from jealousy from watching Storm. It was like a reassurance that at least if he wasn’t there, someone else was and yeah he already had that with the others, but he wasn’t sure if he could deal with that when it came to Johnny. Granted there was the trust he put in him at the club but it was out of desperation and urgency, he had no choice but him. It didn’t change things much once the dust settled but now that he saw it again he could understand a bit more and get acquainted with it, which was definitely progress in his opinion.

Once Johnny had left it was just the two of them and anxious tension began filling the room.

“Well,” Steve drew out slowly, Bucky turned around to stare at him, he shrugged. It was settled that Bucky didn’t want to be touched, by him specifically, even though he did when he walked in but now he seemed more awake than prior to when he was going through a mess of emotions and Steve was playing it careful. He didn’t want a reaction like at the bar by him flinching away but he wanted to do _something_. His hands pressed nervously together, trying to distract them as he forced himself to stay rooted a couple of feet from where Bucky was. He wanted to touch, hold him and be his everything but Steve knew he wasn’t allowed, “I, um..do you need something? Should I get Imogen to make you some tea?”

Bucky only stood there in the door frame like he contemplated it, or thinking over something, lower lip chewed absently then let go as eyes stared at him with an inherent sadness in them. Steve was definitely not sure what he could do and only stood in place like he was afraid of startling him but then Bucky was moving towards him, his entire face flushing and looking panicked.

Steve heard himself make a surprised noise when he was grabbed and pulled into Bucky, his arms going up but hovering because his brain was confused and wary until Bucky was pressed so tightly against him that Steve exhaled a whoosh of air he didn’t know he had been holding. Arms came down and around the brunette and he held him fiercely and just as firmly, curling into him as he felt all the tightness ease out out the both of them. They were safe like this, Bucky’s fingers tangled into the back of his shirt and leaving a line of tension that caused the collar to cut into Steve’s throat. He wasn’t going to complain though, his own arms burying Bucky against him, protectively bear hugging him in a cocoon of security and the tips of his fingers dug carelessly into his skin. 

“I’m sorry- ”

“ -Shh,” Steve interrupted because for one, he had no idea why Bucky was apologizing and two, none of it mattered, tucking his face into soft fluffy hair and brushing his nose along his scalp, “I got you. Always.”

Bucky’s lips brushed against the side of his neck, faint prickles of his five o’clock shadow rubbing into skin and Steve only pulled him in unbearably tighter.

“I know what I said, I know but m’scared Stevie.”

Steve pressed his lips together, fighting the urge to ask, to beg what exactly happened between him and Alex. There were vague ideas giving clues but there weren’t _specifics_ aside from him being so heavily protected by his true family, especially with Brock around.

He startled when Bucky drew away, warmth slipping from him until only a hand took his and pulled him out of the room. Grey eyes looked at him cautiously and Steve desperately wanted to show him that he was open for anything Bucky needed because he always was, entirely. Following him down the stairs Bucky kept him there at the base, disappearing the opposite way and he watched him make his way towards the kitchen while Steve only waited patiently until he came back a few minutes later giving him a small careful smile.

“I had to make sure she was okay.”

Steve bit his lip, forehead crinkling but he nodded to him.

“Need you to help me with something..”

“Sure.” He let out before any thought crossed his mind, following closely behind as Bucky unlocked the door to his library and they both slipped in, door locking again before Bucky glanced at him eyes were full of wariness, “I need someone with me, I don’t even know why I was keeping them..”

Pressing his lips together because he had no idea what Bucky was going on about, it must have showed on his face because he stopped rambling and nodded to himself to get on with it. Bucky clutched the keys in his hand tighter as he turned to the fireplace.

“Can you start it?”

Nodding, Steve went over and everything had been already prepared like it was there waiting for Bucky. He was sure it was set up that way for his random visits, kneeling down on one knee holding the box of matches before he looked over his shoulder and saw Bucky retrieve something out of one of the desk drawers and was locking it again. It took a minute or so to get it going but soon Steve was watching gentle flames lick over the logs, heat warming his hands as he held them out until he finally got himself back up to stand and Bucky was beside him holding a small letter box no bigger than a square that fit in his hands, the lid tucked underneath.

“If anyone finds these..have to get rid of them, you know?”

Steve nodded, even though Bucky wasn’t even looking at him, he was looking at what was inside the box and it suddenly occurred to him, a small moment inside of him, wondering if they were destroying something they shouldn’t. He swallowed nervously wondering if he was really going to be a part of possibly destroying evidence and he had no idea why his mind was ready to even think of something like that. Though there was that constant fact that Alex was missing for two years and there was not even a blip of him and now they were here.

He chewed at his lip and said nothing, Bucky pulling out what looked like a thin stack of Polaroids and the box went into the fire, hands obscuring what were in the pictures but he could definitely see they were pictures.

Bucky shuffled them into a neat pile, neither of their eyes meeting and only looking at the top image, Steve felt dread sitting at the pit of his stomach when he looked as well, amateur and shoddy lighting in a bedroom with Bucky in jeans and a t-shirt, flash too bright and his skin giving off a pallid look to it. His hair contrasted darkly to it, bags under his eyes which were looking partially unfocused but he was aware like he was speaking to the person taking the pictures. Steve supposed he was possibly drunk, a bottle of vodka laying on it’s side by his legs, it only made the worry in his stomach swell. The picture went into the fire, and another and the third and forth of Bucky in various moments of speaking, one hand grasping around the end of his t-shirt before it was off and he was fixed on whoever was taking them, serious and biting at flushed lips and smoldering dark eyes.

It was like a bad accident, Steve should have looked away but he couldn’t, Bucky playing up the camera with no shirt on and a hand undoing the button of his jeans and suddenly something in him moved, Steve’s hands coming up and sandwiching them around the leftover pictures feeling sick. The stack was thin, he didn’t know how far Bucky got, how many pictures were left, if there were any of him fully nude and he really didn’t care. He didn’t want to know, slipping them out of Bucky’s hands and throwing them in the fire with an angered scowl across his face he couldn't hide away. Flames devoured the stack and he had never felt so relieved to see something go up in a fire so quickly, hands gathering up Bucky’s, “Who took those?”

Not able to look at him Bucky carefully drew his hands out from Steve's not wanting to offend but not wanting the contact, he stared at the fire in shame, cheeks and ears red and it was like he was holding his breath until the images were gone for good, forever. He finally drew in some air, shoulders tight and swallowing the lump in his throat. 

“Someone called me, a friend of a friend..of a friend. They said they had a small box of gym locker contents where Alex went to school after he graduated. The police took apart his dorm room but they weren’t interested in his gym locker. Eventually it was cleaned up and held until Robert was going to pick it up. He never did. When said friend started working in administrations, they were eventually told to contact the Judge in one last warning to pick it up before they destroyed it. They ended up calling me thinking they were helping. They thought I was looking for him too so they were telling me there may be something, so I should come look before it’s taken by one of Pierce’s associates who was scheduled to pick it up two days after the call. I don’t know what made me do it really- ”

Steve turned to fully face him, “You had to check.”

Bucky nodded as he stared at anything but Steve, studying the floor and grasping his hands together nervously, “I was sure it was going to be smelly clothes and maybe bathroom products but there was a key in there on a chain. It took me a long time to figure out what it was for just by the initials, eventually I figured out it was for a public locker for a library. I was sure that whatever was in there was probably gone but I went anyway, it had already been a few months since he was gone. To my surprise it wasn’t cleared out, but it was a close call. All I found was a leather portfolio with some papers I don’t know about and a yellow envelope with the pictures in it. I looked at them and panicked. I couldn’t let anyone see them but I didn’t know what to do with them. I barely even remember them- ”

Stepped forward, Steve went to reach out but forced himself to not, “Did he do something?”

“No!” He pressed his lips together and Steve wasn’t sure how to take the reaction, “I wanted him to take them I just..I felt stupid and I know now things weren’t so innocent with him. That I should have been smarter about everything..”

“You trusted him Buck, that wasn’t your problem, it was _his_ problem. Nothing you did made it okay for him to take advantage even if you wanted him to. He was _exploiting_ you.”

Bucky raised his shoulder and let them drop, wringing his hands together, “I know that now, but before..back then I didn’t know that. I didn’t know until the last day I saw him, I didn’t know he was a horrible bad person that deserved whatever happened to him. I don’t know where he is, I hope wherever he ran off to karma got a hold of him. I can’t ever see him again, I don’t want him coming back in my life even if it’s just in the same state..I can’t Steve..I just- ” 

Sucking in a deep breath, he swayed a little and Steve leaned in and put an arm around ribs. Bucky let his eyes close and his breathing tried to even out as Steve silenced him with a light hum, one arm around and his free hand holding his face. Bucky was tired, tilting against warm skin and feeling so numb and dizzy. Words registered in and out, Steve speaking slow and calm into his hair but all he really felt was the way his legs were going jelly and it was hard to stand.

“I hate him. So much.”

“Buck, you’re so much more than this.”

Blinking through the foggy grey, he peered up at Steve, body sagging in his arms feeling useless and broken.

“Bucky.”

He smiled, but he knew Steve could probably see the vacancy, the hollowness in it. He pushed himself to stand upright properly because he didn’t need to be handled like a child, “I’m fine.”

“You’re _not_ though..” Steve responded, bite in his words and pain across his face as he held Bucky tight, squeezing his frame, making him feel how much he was giving. “No one’s going to risk losing you, _I_ won’t risk it, it’s okay to not feel okay. We all are going to be here, you know we are. Nothing is going to get in the way of that, okay?”

Bucky’s face was and stayed pressed into his shoulder, stiff as a board but he didn’t fight it. It was dead silent aside from the fire crackling away in the library, Steve’s hand finding itself into brown hair stroking it lightly. 

The lull broke when a wet choked sound echoed through the library. A sad whine tumbling after out of the back of Bucky's throat, his hands fisting at the fabric at the front of Steve’s shirt instead and sobbing louder into his chest. It tore inside of Steve so deep, he never wished he could hear such pain come from Bucky and yet occasionally he did, feeling his friend’s legs buckle out from under him. He managed to keep Bucky held against him as they both sank to the floor against the bear rug, his palm pressing the back of Bucky’s head protectively against his shoulder as he continued sobbed outright. 

“Shh, Bucky’s it’s okay. I got you. I’ve always got you. I promise.”

Tears clung to Steve’s eyes hating so much of this even as just a witness at how much pain Bucky kept to himself until he couldn’t manage it and he was helpless to watch it spill over. He had no idea what all those pictures meant, if others had seen it, what they were for, his mind racing to every possible bad possibility which only fueled a rage already trepidatiously burning within him. 

“Hey, _hey_ listen, I’m always going to be here. I’m always going to be your wall, okay? You can always use me and I’ll stay for you Buck.” Steve admitted it so softly he wasn’t sure he even said it out loud, his lips softly brushing against Bucky’s temple, “I don’t want to lose you a second time. _I refuse to_.”

Fingers around Steve’s shirt tightened and it was the only response he received while anger he couldn’t release right then festered within him. He glanced towards the fire frowning and pressing his mouth in a thin line, words ran at full speed through his head picking and analyzing every single thing Bucky had just said.

_“I didn’t know until the last day I saw him..”_

He swallowed thickly, the ominous admission sinking with dread down his spine and spreading through his entire body.

*****

“Nice to see you working undercover in the cold with my side door wide open and making sure the interior is the same as the exterior, feels like old times.”

Steve looked up from sitting on the cement floor to see Sam bundled up in a winter coat and scarf, holding a coffee. Pulling his earbuds out he hadn’t even noticed his SUV parked on the drive in front of him. He turned his head over his shoulder and looked at the door left wide open, wearing a sheepish smile.

“I’m sorry Sam, I didn’t even- ” He went to stand himself up to pull the door closed but a hand pressed him back down giving his shoulder a pat.

“I got it. What’s wrong with her now?”

Turning his head back to his motorcycle, a few parts spread out on a stained white cloth with wrench in hand while he rubbed at his cheek idly, a grease smear already sitting there. “She was making a weird sound, guessed I would look her over. Your place was closer and I figured I would come say hi but you weren’t in so I lent myself to the tools.”

Sam pulled the door closed, “And possibly getting me robbed.”

Steve shook his head, “I sure hope not, just been a little distracted lately though.”

“Mhm,” His friend let out sipping at his coffee and watching him work, “You don’t gotta tell me twice while working on your motorcycle like it’s not thirty degrees outside and I’m freezing my ass off just talking to you out here. This is probably more suicidal than distracted. Got a case of the Bucky’s?”

Steve made a small noncommittal noise, looking for another tool, “Not entirely.”

“Uh huh. You want some coffee?”

Silence sat between them and Sam lingered with his hand on the door before Steve finally tilted his head sideways and away from his loose parts, “Sure Sam, thanks.” 

Rolling his eyes at the back of Steve’s head with clear affection, he opened the door and went inside, “My own mother warned me you were trouble the day she laid eyes on all forty eight pounds of you. She saw it in those eyes of yours.”

“Hm?” Steve muttered, working away.

“Nothing.” The brunette shot back before closing the door with an absent smile.

Showered and changed Sam checked on the slow cooker, the house heating set at something perfect and cozy. He ducked his head outside to find Steve still tinkering and the coffee he had made for him had gone cold and lightly icing at the surface. He sighed and nudged Steve in the back with his slippered foot, “Come inside, this Mediterranean stew I’ve been testing out has been simmering away for the day. I’m sure it’s ready for eating. You need to get warmed up, I’m surprised you’re still alive out here.”

Steve looked like he had been done awhile ago, with all the parts back on and wiping down the seat but he was still seemingly lost in his head, he nodded when Sam prodded him, putting tools back into the box and wrapping away the oil cloths. 

Following after him once Steve was finally inside and ducking into the bathroom to get himself washed up, Sam came around with some sweats and a t-shirt, resting them on the counter, “Change and wash your face you stink like motor oil.”

Before Steve could even look at him the bathroom door closed and Sam was back in the kitchen to deal with dinner.

Steve came back out to large heaping bowls of stew waiting at the table as Sam got a couple spoons, “So what’s currently gotten you so distracted because I'm sure this one is Bucky related.”

“Nothing, just everything coming back..if that makes sense.” Steve let out not bothering to look up before he dropped himself down in the chair he usually sat at. Sam passed him a utensil and he immediately started to eat like it was evident he hadn’t fed himself for a few hours which Sam frowned a little at. He tore off a sheet of paper towel from the roll sitting off to the side, “Bucky got a postcard this morning.”

Confused, Sam’s brows came together, “That’s..nice?”

Chewing away, he looked at the brunette with a perplexed expression across his face like he was thinking away. He took a sip of water waving his hand away like the notion should be redone, “Apparently _Alex_ sent him a postcard.”

It took Sam a second to process the name and the dawned expression on his face was all Steve could look at, nudging his spoon around his food as he finally stared down at it.

“Alex? That was the guy you asked about before that turned out to be Bucky’s ex-boyfriend, right? The missing guy that was maybe..hopefully abducted by aliens and never to be seen again because _wow_?”

“Yeah,” Steve let out, soft and sad, shoveling another spoonful of stew into his mouth yet his eyes were determined, processing things. “I’m telling you now Sam, if that guy comes within ten feet of him, I don’t know what I’ll do.”

Reaching forward and across the table, Sam squeezed his bicep and gave it a little shake, “Is it him though?”

Surprise crossed the blond’s features, looking up at him, “You think it’s not him either?”

“Either?”

“Johnny said the same thing. Actually he was sure it wasn’t him, said someone was pulling Buck’s leg because there wouldn’t be a way for him to be gone for two years only to pop a postcard in the mail so he could scare Bucky.”

Sam leaned back against his chair, setting his spoon down so his fingers could knit together before his dish, “Well it stands to reason, doesn’t it? Johnny keeps his ear to the ground for stuff like that, wouldn’t he? For Bucky’s sake, knows people right? Doesn’t it seem like a move someone would pull to get a rise out of Barnes because he clearly doesn’t like that guy? Makes more sense.”

They both stared at each other. Sam wasn’t sure, not entirely and Steve swallowed thickly before the same idea came to mind, “Are you thinking that it was Grant?”

Sam’s bottom lip pushed up into a frown as he shrugged, “I’m not saying anything but he seems to be more of a realistic prospect than someone that hasn’t made even one noise as far as we know. From what you’ve seen and what you tell me, this guy doesn’t seem like he would shy from hurting Bucky that way.”

“That’s such bullshit,” Steve went back to his food, shoulders bunched together as he slouched in and glared at his meal, “I don’t understand what he thinks Bucky did to him that causes him to be so malicious.”

“Steve, if this Alex guy is as important as he seems to be to Grant, he probably doesn’t mind pulling out everything he can to see if Bucky tells him where he is because as you’ve told me, clearly he’s set on assuming that he does know. If they’re getting into fights and he’s not afraid of triggering things with Bucky through postcards or even that information that sent him to Germany then he’s probably going to do whatever he can to rattle his cage. To me, it just looks like Alex’s dad is in on it and has Grant doing his dirty work, what could be better in their heads? If Bucky had information, it would only be a matter of time and whatever damage they do to him won’t come back to them as far as they’re concerned. And before I see you run out of this home to go vigilante on them please don’t or I swear on your ma- ”

Steve pursed his lips, glancing up with a look Sam was all too familiar with. That he was done with the conversation, “So what’s new with you?”

Sam looked at him for a long moment, “You really wanna know or is that just you using your automatic I’m changing the subject unless you got some juicy news about a secret lover.”

Smiling at him tiredly, Steve seemed to ease back the tension and it made Sam wonder just how long he had been weighing in on all this, watching him wiggle his brows, “Both now that you got me interested.” 

“I got work, school and _you_ to deal with. I don’t have time for secret lovers. One of the secretaries is already trying to rotate through her family tree in hopes she can set me up with someone but I’m not really up for anything though I gotta admit, the lady’s persistent.”

Steve smiled at him, “You should go on one, should be fun just to try. You haven’t been set up in a long while.”

Shrugging at him, Sam scraped down the last bits in his bowl, “Yeah I guess but I haven’t really had that much time to give one a chance. Doesn’t seem fair to arrange something but only offering one or two days where I’m possibly free.”

“That’s such a lie, offer up the weekend and there, settled. You’re making it harder than it has to be.”

Pointing a spoon at him, Sam narrowed his eyes at him, “Weren’t you just planning to go vigilante on someone’s ass for your not yet boyfriend? You’re the last person who should be telling me what to do.”

Steve waved him off, “Hey, I’m only looking out for your best interests here and my opinion is to go out and take the plunge. What’s the worse that could happen?”

“ _A lot_ could go wrong and I work with their family member, talk about awkward, Steve. Not all of us have adorably sweet alternative best friends who stare at you like you hung the moon for them.”

“Bucky doesn’t do that.” He griped back almost immediately.

Sam could only smile at him, both letting the topic drop.

It didn’t take much for Sam to watch Steve polish off two bowls and half a loaf of bread and looked like he was about to start a third when his phone chimed and he checked it, brows going up and grabbing his glass of water to drink is down before he was pushing his chair back to get up. Watching in expectation of an explanation, Steve froze all movements and looked at his friend.

“Sorry to rush, there’s a local magazine that wants to interview me at a coffee shop in the Village and I practically forgot.” 

Sam stared at him from the chair, mouth curving into a smile, “Big man now, can’t even spend a little time with his best friend.”

Steve knew he was teasing but he still pouted a little, rolling his eyes at him as he stepped into the living room for his coat, “Barely but publicity is good. After I got over the shock of Bucky’s dad donating the money to the hospital and his spin of me being all ‘Steve is a poor guy who lost his ma’ I realized shining light on research when I do these random interviews is good for the hospital. Anything where it may convince people to donate I’m all aboard on especially when I can’t change my own story. Not right now at least, it isn’t much of a lie though..just feels so _used_. You know?”

Sam finally set his spoon down and nodded, getting up to grab his arm so he could stop him, “Unless you really want to look like you just got out of bed, you may want to change your clothes.”

Pausing, Steve looked down at himself and realized he was wearing sweats, “Oh dammit, my jeans are dirty too, Sam do you think I could..”

Shaking his head with a roll of his eyes, Sam pointed towards the stairs and went to collect the dishes watching Steve grin and bound up the stairs. In record time he came back down in some beige slacks and a simple pastel blue dress shirt that looked like the buttons begged for release. 

He quickly pulled his coat on, “I thought I should go comfortable especially since this shirt is a little tight but it works, I owe you.”

“You owe me _tons_ .” Sam corrected, walking over to grab the black scarf off one of the coat hooks, tucking it around Steve’s neck and smiling at him, “And I know. You’ll be fine so go, be a hero and spin the already spun story to your advantage.”

Pausing to stare at Sam one more time, he grabbed his head and pressed a large wet kiss on his forehead, “Thanks Sam.”

His friend shooed him, “Just be careful on that deathtrap you call a motorcycle, it’s slippery out there and people think they’re all in control of their cars.” 

He smiled at him and nodded, grabbing his helmet before he headed out the side door.

*****

Steve was easily let in through the gates this time around when he came to visit Bucky. He had decided on sticking around mostly for Imogen’s sake and spent most of his afternoon and evening catching up with her. Steve detoured down the path from the front and out around to the side of the mansion where it was dark and he could barely tell where he was going, only running by memory after parking his bike away somewhere remotely obscured and out of the rain that had been falling on his way here.

There were no lights even at the back door, turning the knob and finding it unlocked. He peeked in to see an overhead stove lit bright and filling the room with just enough light for Bucky to work at the space just beside it. He was checking something in a shallow baking pan under the glow, not paying any sort of attention to him. He turned his focus on the meat cooking away on a small grill between the elements on the center of the stove giving it a few seconds before he removed it off the heat.

The scent of steak cooking made Steve's stomach rumble a little, hand instinctively pressed there like he was worried it would make a noise if it did it again. It _had_ been a good few hours since he saw Sam and did the interview over just a simple coffee and a lot of conversation. He stopped in a few stores after, bought some books at a used bookstore and was looking over antiques in another shop when Bucky had texted him, all ideas about grabbing a small snack before heading home flying out of his mind the second he saw it. 

“Buck?”

The brunette jumped, tongs falling out of his hand as he half turned and bumped his hip into the kitchen counter, pressing his palm to his chest and sighing out heavily, “Holy Christmas Steve you scared me!”

Locking the door behind him, Steve smiled mildly trying not to roll his eyes, “Maybe don’t keep your side door unlocked, anyone could just walk in.”

“Anyone did.” Bucky turned back to the food, giving him a shrug and smiling a little, “The whole place is gated and secure, yeah someone could probably climb it but it’s monitored..for the most part so whoever kills me is registered in the cameras..again for the most part because I’m sure you get edited out of them when I know you’re coming.” 

He faltered a little, stirring sauce in a small pan as Steve found one of the stools at the island behind Bucky to sit at, “And if it was Alex, I’m really good with knives.”

Steve’s mouth twitched to say something not sure if Bucky was joking or if he meant what he thought he meant watching him turn to him before he could ask or even try to ask.

“Did you eat?”

“Went to Sam’s earlier before I was doing an interview at some coffee shop, he fed me so go ahead and eat.”

Eyes kept watching like he was trying to read him, lips turned up a little and ignoring the comment, “Can I plate you something?”

Steve puzzled, gazing at a hopeful face and he only nodded because he could see the stiffness ease out of Bucky’s shoulders when he was allowed to do what he wanted not that he absolutely tried to understand Bucky’s _need_ to care for him. He supposed it was what made him feel saner to everything.

Licking his lips, he peered out past the kitchen doors only to see most of the sitting area was dark, a faint light coming from somewhere else, most likely the main entryway “Where is everyone?”

Back turned to him again, Bucky chuckled as he picked out a wine glass from the overhead glass rack, “It’s after eleven. Parents aren’t home, Imogen is asleep. Charles may be up, somewhere. You’re safe. Wine?”

Bucky was already pouring him some red and he watched him curiously, “Maybe one glass but don’t get me drinking more, I still gotta ride my bike through this slushy mess.”

Humming in confirmation, he set the bottle down on the granite leaving it there if Steve changed his mind and nodded as he went to the large steak resting on a carving board, picking out a simple white plate to set to the side, and proceeded to slice it up.

“It’s pouring outside, going to obscure your vision some more especially with your helmet. Could take a cab.”

Steve hunched over the smooth surface, swirling the wine gently as he stared at it; eventually he took a sip, letting it linger on his tongue. It was quiet there, just sitting in Bucky’s company and eventually shifting his eyes to watch Bucky’s back, “Maybe. I’ll see how it is when I head out.”

He took a couple more sips, feeling his shoulders relax a bit surprised they were even tense. He was letting the postcard garbage get to him more than he thought, eyes roaming about in thought and it was Bucky who broke him out even if he did it unintentionally because he was humming. 

Sometimes Bucky just liked to hum, not always and it had started to be so random that Steve could never anticipate it. Just when his heart wanted him to, he would hum. For Steve it was like listening to a bird sing, smooth and soft like he was being secretive. Sometimes his eyes were closed yet he was always smiling, attending to something generally mundane and yet when he was humming Steve felt like Bucky was doing something that only gave him happiness even if it was something like now just carving a steak. He wasn’t sure if that was true, the fully happy part, but it felt like he was and Steve enjoyed observing and listening to him when he did, trying his best to not make any noise or even make a big deal out of it. The fact that Bucky was doing it right then, of all days, made his heart swell a little. His legitimate fear that there was some sort of possibility of Alex popping up could have had the worst effect on Bucky but aside from the jumpiness he seemed just..normal. It eased Steve’s own worries for him.

When Bucky was satisfied, he set his knife down to dress the plate before bringing it over and setting it before Steve on the counter top with a white linen napkin and some utensils. The steak was juicy and pink inside, cooked medium rare and perfect, drizzled with a brown sauce he wasn’t sure of, herb roasted fingerling potatoes beautifully arranged at one side and a lightly tossed leafy green salad filling the rest of the space on the plate. Steve’s mouth was immediately watering in hunger that he honestly didn’t know he had.

“This looks..” He wanted to say amazing, maybe gorgeous, he couldn’t think properly now that his brain was telling him to consume what was in front of him and fuck all about his manners. God he was hanging out with Bucky for too long.

“Eat.” Bucky coaxed gently, settling down on the stool beside him with his body facing his, keenly interested in how his dish would taste and close enough so his knee was pressed lightly into Steve’s thigh, reaching over to sip from the one and only wine glass between them.

Steve could watch Bucky all day, the wine pinking his mouth just lightly, tongue dipping out to lick his lips like a cat he was, lazily resting his chin against the hand he propped up because Steve knew Bucky fussed over his own ability to cook which was absurd to him to say the least. 

“What about you?”

“I’m fine, eat.”

Sighing audibly just to make a point, Steve turned back to his food and dug in because arguing with Bucky seemed to be a lost cause right then, eating faster than he should have considering he wasn’t alone and _especially_ because he was in Bucky’s company which demanded better of him only he couldn’t help it. Blue grey’s reflected in the low light of the kitchen stove, sipping lazily at the wine like he was pleased and amused at once and Steve was completely content with being Bucky’s sole entertainment as the rain pelted against the glass outside.

Steve couldn’t help but sigh happily like he died and went to heaven or was just served his final meal, polishing off the last bite of steak and leveling himself with a blissed out expression he hoped spoke volumes about how amazing the dish was. Bucky pulled himself onto his feet taking his plate away and disappeared for a few minutes rummaging around in a second room Steve assumed was a spice room or pantry. He returned with a thick decadent slice of chocolate layer cake, topped with raspberries and chocolate ganache, placing it before Steve like he was a king.

“Oh God..” He dumbly let out while Bucky propped himself up on the granite surface next to the dessert munching away at some berries he squirreled away, fingers lightly stained pink and Steve bit back an urge to suck them clean because he didn’t know what was happening but he felt so good enraptured in the company.

Picking up the fork, Bucky took a perfect equal portion of cake and fruit, holding it up to Steve’s mouth with a hand hovering underneath and Steve looked up at him.

He kind of wished he was allowed the liberty to lay Bucky out on that same kitchen island and blow him in gratitude over the homely treatment he was receiving. He knew his brain was going way past vulgar but he did have a raging hard on for this perfect being that was clearly running for a few odd years and he could afford a few gratuitous sex acts in his mind in hopes he could pay back such sweet and wonderful affection on top of snuggling the crap out of him. Steve was so gone for him.

“Open up.” Bucky whispered gently, smiling at him.

And of course, Steve obeyed.

*****

Steve waited by the front of the restaurant watching Bucky pull up in the back of a cab and his face lit up when he caught sight of him, giving him a gloved wave of his hand through the window before paying the driver and climbing out bundled in a warm coat and scarf. 

“Steve, hey!”

The rain might have given Steve a chance to get home without too much trouble aside from wet clothes but overnight everything got colder and he woke up to thick snow that only slowed down to a gentle fall only an hour ago. Bucky’s cheeks immediately flushed a blotchy red as he hopped over a pile of snow before the sidewalk started and his shoe slipped on an icy patch, arms going out, Steve easily catching one to keep him upright.

“Easy there.”

Bucky couldn’t help the giggle, grinning wide and so _happy_ , the snow environment only lighting him up brighter and he was beautiful. 

Like a fretful mother he wanted to ask if Bucky slept fine, a sliver of guilt lingering when he left him in that mansion and not putting up a fight about keeping him company after being scared in the daytime. He was sure his medicine was one of cures for it and the way he looked now, he was sure he dealt with it well.

“Why’re you out here freezing your buns off?”

Steve shrugged, “You said you were close, I figured I’d go in when you arrived since it doesn’t seem that busy.”

Smiling at him Bucky didn’t say anything, only gesturing for him to go ahead and they went inside, a hostess nearby flashing them a cheery smile, “For two?”

“For three actually, someone’s coming to meet us here.” Bucky let out.

Steve nodded with an equally sweet smile, hands shoved deep into the pockets of his brown leather jacket as he followed the tiny Asian woman along a line of wooden booths hidden behind short curtains wearing designs of branches showing off cherry blossoms against a gentle breeze. 

Bucky lingered back a little, taking slow steps as he watched the pair, loving the contrast of Steve’s size versus the hostess especially with the way the woman held her head up confidently and routed him with a gesture of her hand while Steve’s shoulders were pulled into himself and he was slouching down a little with a sheepish smile on his face as he did his best to wiggle into the entryway without hitting his shoulders or his head against the band of the curtain.

“Would you like to sit at a table instead?”

Bucky stood and waited for her to move, stifling a laugh. Steve fit himself in neatly against the boxy wood built in seat of their booth, black padded cushion layered over it. 

“No, this is fine, thank you.”

The lady nodded with a pleased grin, handing over two menus and resting a third on the table looking at Steve one more time to make sure he was positive before she gave Bucky a nod and rushed off to help another pair coming in. He ducked his head under the line at the door and slipped easily at the opposite side of Steve, pulling his coat and hoodie off to rest them beside him at least until Sam arrived because he was sure he would be fitting on his side to avoid bumping shoulders. He mused himself at the idea that it was actually made for four guests knowing Steve could not have let his shoulders loose if they had two friends tagging along. Bucky smirked himself to the thought while he opened up his menu to skim along.

“I see you silently laughing at me.”

Bucky felt a foot kick him playfully and he chuckled lightly, glancing up at him, “Me? Never. I’m not mean like that, it’s just kind of..adorable how you’re a walking behemoth compared to some people and you suddenly get all awkward, maybe a little insecure.”

He felt the blush on his face at approximately the same time Steve blushed, watching a hand nervously move off the menu to brush along the back of his own neck and into the ends of his hair with a goofy smile, “I _was_ small before you know. It’s a habit sometimes.”

Bucky’s eyes returned to his menu in quiet amusement, “Right.”

A new girl arrived with her little note pad, “Hello, I’ll be serving you. Would either of you like to drink something?”

Steve paused in thought before he motioned around the table, “Waters and..probably a pot of green tea please.”

“Lemon for my water please.” Bucky piped up with his eyes glancing over at her before she nodded to him.

As they rooted through the menu, the door chimed and sushi chefs greeted Sam as he stepped through, giving them a hello and an eager wave before Steve leaned out of the booth and gestured him over.

Removing his coat, Sam hung it on the outside hook before he bent his head down to wiggle in beside Bucky, “Tight squeeze in here huh?”

“We could sit at the tables if you want?” Bucky suggested, pointing to a few empty ones.

“Nah, I’m good. How’s everything?”

The waitress came back with a round of waters and cups already filled with steaming green tea followed by a small iron kettle that rested on a small wood hot mat, “Are we ready?”

Steve smiled, “Give us a few more minutes.”

She nodded, scurrying away to attend to others. Bucky wrapped his hands around the small cup before him, soaking in the warmth, “I wish it would snow forever honestly.”

Looking up from his own menu, Sam laughed with a shake of his head, “No thank you. Maybe you get to sleep in whenever you want but not me. School and work instruct me to trudge through that mess thick or thin. Plus did you hear we’re getting _more_ snow? Not to mention there’s a few cold snaps heading our way, we may get a blizzard. No idea how anyone could like the snow, give me a beach with the sun gently baking my body and a cold beer thank you.”

Bucky laughed, “Aw but the snow gives you a chance to huddle in blankets and be warm. If you get hot with the sun out it isn’t like you can strip off more after your clothes.”

“What’s what air conditioning is for.”

“Not when you’re outside fool, I’d be sweating my balls off!”

Brows went up as Sam pretended to be offended, “ _I’m_ the fool? You’re the one that wants winter wonderland forever.”

“My dear Sam, I walk around naked because I want to, not because it’s hot. There’s no way I could condone a hot sunny day my poor body couldn’t take it.”

A complimentary dish of edamame still in their pods was set down before them with a gracious smile and Sam watched the woman take some appetizer to another table before he leaned in and kept his voice low, “Your body? You mean your butt couldn’t take the heat.”

Steve promptly choked on his water, catching himself as he coughed and set the glass down before he dropped it, grabbing for one of the napkins to press against his mouth. Bucky threw his head back and laughed, feeling a weak hand hit his chest in retaliation and Sam only sat back smug like a cat even if it was only Steve who he got a reaction out of.

Collecting himself, the dirty blond shook his head, pouting a little, “You two stop talking, I was just minding my own business.”

Waving him off, Sam held up his menu, “Come on let’s order, I’m starving.”

Regret kicked in pretty quick after that for him.

Sam spent most of the thank you lunch trying not to be the third wheel because it had quickly dissolved into a very obvious Bucky and Steve lunch date. It didn’t take much once the appetizers arrived and they ended up anchoring towards each other when Sam had made the mistake of being the nice one and pulling himself up to ask for a fork for Steve, coming back to find his spot was taken by Steve and Sam was banished to his own seat across from them. At least Bucky had the manners to offer his seat back but Sam only waved him off, he was in no mood to see Steve make a mopey face over it if he did take his seat back, plus his best friend was already draping an arm at the back of the booth bench and getting cozy. 

Sam was _not_ going to roll his eyes, no siree.

Steve’s awkwardness with chopsticks was a catalyst for Bucky feeding him and Steve immediately wore those stupid puppy eyes he had for him. In turn he made a valiant effort to learn how to use them but after a few good attempts, he would bungle it up again and switched back to using his fork or just his fingers. 

Various types of sushi rolls, nigiri, and sashimi began showing up and Steve was hanging off every word Bucky was saying whenever he would ask what this or that was. Sam had to bite the inside of his cheek repeatedly to stop himself from blurting out that there was a picture chart at the end of the table by the wall that showed what each item looked like, what they were in Japanese and what they translated to in English. By that point Steve was turned in his seat so he was sitting sideways on the bench and facing Bucky instead of their table and Bucky never said one word about it. Occasionally the brunette would laugh at something Steve would say and fall sideways with a hand over his mouth while he was eating, dropping the side of his head against Steve’s shoulder trying not to choke and Steve would just light up over it.

These two were hopeless. 

Sam excused himself only to hide near the restrooms and steal pictures of his two very lovesick friends giving each other the look™ and feeding each other more food. It was quite cute actually but if he was going to have to sit through the mutual pining they were exuding once again then others were going to suffer with him. He sent the images to a very covert group chat with the comment ‘Are they back on?’ and it didn’t take him very long to receive colorful responses, laughing to himself while his phone was receiving way too many heart emoji’s for one lone man to handle.

*****

Sam took his gracious leave, after they sat around having a chat over green tea ice cream and Steve paid the bill, citing a paper he had to still work on and gave them a wave goodbye. Steve on the other hand was free until about dinner time before he had a short shift to head to and so he accompanied Bucky to the dog park where Clint was meeting him with Lucky and Nanook.

It wasn’t until they got there that with Clint and the dogs was Johnny grinning at them cheerily and suddenly Steve felt a wave of insecurity coming over him aside from the bit of jealousy he always harbored no matter the positives he could summon up for him being around.

He made himself scarce the second Johnny was passing Bucky a tennis ball and they were jumping through piles of fresh snow with the dogs, complaining about his stomach still being too full to run with them and to give him a bit of time trying his best not to frown or make any other faces.

Steve glanced up from his phone to the sound of Bucky laughing, just in time to see Johnny looking back over his shoulder and gesturing at him to come to him. Bucky took a running start and jumped on Storm’s back, hands immediately supporting Bucky’s weight by holding on to his thighs and Bucky wrapped his arms around Johnny’s neck as they both laughed and he started running along with Nanook and Lucky racing eagerly with them kicking up powdery snow as they went. 

Steve felt someone bump into his shoulder and he looked to his side, Clint smiling at him, “Don’t look so down.”

Inhaling lightly, Steve took the hot chocolate offered, giving him a nod in appreciation and taking a sip. He licked his lips, watching them again because they couldn’t help themselves, “They look like a catalogue family. Nice clothes, being cute and happy with their dogs. Johnny knows him better than I do- ” 

Clint laughed against his cup, shaking his head as he did, “You’re stupid. I’m sorry, no offense but you’re stupid. You know the guy enough, there’s no wedding bells or anything. You know he’s been advocating you and Bucky. So stupid. Why do I always root for the underdog?”

Steve raised a brow at him, “No tell me what you really think Clint.”

Clint raised a hand up apologetically, “I’m sorry! You’re just..frustrating sometimes. Buck likes you a lot, even you know that. He picks you over us sometimes, and that’s okay as long as he’s happy. He picks and chooses depending on how he’s feeling and you stand there looking sad and stupid because he’s having fun with another guy he has no interest in like that. You. Are. Stupid. I know you don’t know if he’s interested but give him some credit, don’t just stick him with Johnny because they look good together. If he wanted Johnny he would be with him, is he? Nope. So..you’re stupid; you give up too easily, fight for him you idiot.”

Steve stared at him, not upset, but a little surprised, “Are you done or do I get more abuse?”

“Shuddap, you’re gonna take all the abuse I have to dish out because I swear to god you’re frustrating with the sad puppy looks and forlorn feelings of lost love.”

“I don’t- ”

“Yes you do don’t even start with me.”

“I didn’t know you were this opinionated Clint.”

“Guy, really I’m not sorry for saying it like it is. If you think Bucky is good enough to be with you, you should prove it. Screw what everyone says and do what you feel is right when you feel it’s right. Stop standing at the sidelines and be the you I know you are. You were the captain of a football team Steve! You weren’t the waterboy. You’re confident, funny, sweet. Damn Steve you’re the whole package with that bod and looks too! What’s stopping you from going for what you want?”

Steve looked back at Bucky, watching him throw the ball for the dogs while Johnny had an arm hooked around his neck, leaning in to whisper something in his ear that got Bucky blushing and laughing, a hand lightly hitting his chest. They looked perfectly content and happy.

“To tell you the truth, it’s just Bucky himself. He deserves everything Clint, _everything_. What if I can’t give him everything?”

Clint smiled, so happy and wide it reached all the way to his eyes. He kicked Steve’s shoe lightly, “You give him everything Steve, and he knows you would always try to give him everything.”

He paused a second, sipping at his hot chocolate thoughtfully while eyes were still on him. He looked outwards to the dogs then back to Steve, “Besides, if Bucky likes someone he doesn’t care if they can give him everything because all he wants is them. You know him, he doesn’t care about that stuff. He’s the guy that’s happy in the safety that someone wants him and cares about him. It sucks that people give him that for five minutes and then take it away from him, really sucks but if someone gave that to him and never took it away, you think he really cares about getting everything he wanted? He’d be getting what he wanted.”

Steve raised his brows, “You’re really insightful.”

“I smoke a lot of pot.”

And that..Steve didn’t really know what to say about, not that he had the chance to when an elbow hit him in the ribs like he didn’t already have his attention on Clint.

“Besides, he could own and sell your ass. He’s got material things covered.”

A surprised laugh burst out of Steve, trying really hard to carefully swallow down the mouthful of piping hot chocolate he had in his mouth and not choke on it.

Later when his fingers began to numb from handling a wet icy tennis ball, Steve took that as a sign and decided that maybe he should ask Bucky if he wanted to go get a treat together. He approached him while the brunette was taking some pictures of Nook and casually slipped in beside him.

“Cupcake?”

“Yeah Sugar?” Bucky drawled out without thinking, all smiles as he fixed Nanook’s collar and missed the way Steve blushed.

“No, I mean, can I buy you a cupcake?”

Straightening up, Bucky turned curiously and Steve pointed out the bakery shop that was advertising with cupcakes a few stores down across the street nestled between a book shop and an Indian take out joint. There was an overhead sign hung out in too much pink with a smiling cupcake that was showered in confetti sprinkles beside the name.

“Ooh, my bad.” Bucky smiled shyly and nodded, “Sure. I’d never turn down cupcakes.”

Steve was about to ask Clint if he could watch Nook when Bucky jogged over to Johnny on his phone at a picnic table, jostling him a bit.

“C’mon Jojo, cupcakes!”

“Where?”

Clint took the tennis ball from Lucky’s mouth, holding it up to throw when he turned to the news, “I want cupcakes.”

_Oh boy.._

Steve helplessly held his hands out in a shrug, wasn’t like he could say anything to stop them, “Yeah, if we’re done. It’s over there down the street.”

“Sweet,” Stuffing the tennis ball in his sweatpants pocket, he leashed Lucky up as Bucky feigned trying to pull Johnny up by his arm, leaning his weight back dramatically and pulling a face. Barton clipped a punch to Steve’s arm as he walked by, “Great idea Rogers!”

That definitely wasn’t what he thought anymore.

They all walked inside in a huddle, the dogs tied to a post outside and on their best behavior while Johnny shook out his shoulders like he was trying to rid himself of the winter chill. Bucky approached the display case to look at the various delectables and his fingers were spread along the glass exactly like a kid. Most were cupcakes of various colors and types, the whole place splashed in a rainbow of colors with bubble gum font that was whimsical and fun. It was a contrast to four guys in dark clothes walking in to two girls behind the counter in cutesy hairdo’s and pink aprons with tiny cupcakes all over them. 

Bucky was beaming either way, ski hat crushed in his fist and bent over to read the tiny tags of what was being offered; cake pops, brownies, petit fours and mini sized bundt cakes filled the other side of the grand display. Steve didn’t have to see Bucky’s face to know he was probably trying to figure out how to buy the whole store out without looking like he had a problem with sugary sweets.

“They got sandwiches and specialty coffees too.” Clint let out, reading the price board overhead as he rubbed his chin.

Turning his head to look at the blond, Bucky smirked, “I think I’m gonna live here.”

Johnny and Steve looked at each other, Storm’s foot lightly kicking at Bucky’s butt while he was leaning over to look at the sweets again, “You can’t keep your dog if you lived here.”

“Hmn, true.” 

One of the girls laughed and Jo gave her a playful wink, the other stepping forward, “So what can we get you boys?”

Opening his mouth to toss out a line, Steve spoke over Johnny and moved up to the counter patting Bucky’s back, “What do you want Buck? Clint you should order first.”

Clint only laughed at Steve cockblocking and Johnny grinned as he shrugged, reaching over to pinch Bucky in the behind one last time before he strolled towards the tiny eating space, “Buck knows what I like.”

“Everyone knows what you like.” Bucky shot out before deciding everything he wanted.

With at least their baked goods in tow, they all sat together and Bucky was too interested in eating to deal with manners before he was biting into the fudgey chocolate cupcake in his hand that was topped with a whipped coffee-chocolate frosting and immediately he was done for. It was creamy and soft, melting away in his mouth as it lingered on his tongue, lips pressed together as he savored. He let his eyes half close while he was just enjoying, tongue poking out at the corners to get the fluffy frosting that he missed, opening his eyes just to find Steve giving him a dead stare that confused him a moment. He thought back a second and realized that instead of thinking of moaning over how good the cupcake was, he actually did it and the look on his friend’s face was either horror or surprise. He wasn’t sure and all Bucky could do was duck his head away.

“Sorry.”

Johnny snickered, avoiding eye contact with either of them and looking straight at Clint who was trying hard not to look at anything but his own little collection of small desserts.

Steve swallowed, turning back to his own cupcake, “No problem.”

Bucky wondered if he sounded a little flustered, he wasn’t sure, a small smile coming up anyway because the blush looked damn cute on Steve either way which only encouraged Bucky to be playful. His foot stretched forward running the toe of his sneaker against the back of Steve’s calf and went back to his cupcake like nothing was amiss.

Steve ignored the screaming in his head telling him this was probably some level of a bad idea to reciprocate all while he pressed his leg closer against Bucky’s. He attempted to pay attention to what Clint was saying across the table beside Bucky and not get distracted as Bucky moved his leg so his ankle was easily being cradled by both of Steve’s. 

They both turned their heads to put their attention on Clint, Bucky’s free foot pressed snug against the outside of Steve’s ankle and lightly stroking the leg of his pants. They stayed like that while their coffees and sandwiches were brought over, Bucky stealing one of Steve’s spears of celery as he shot him a dirty look.

Rolling his eyes, he took a bite and held it back out for Steve who stubbornly snatched it back with his teeth, eating it. Bucky smiled, chewing at his lip as he stole another and took a bite out of the new one with a wiggle of his brows. Steve only reached over and stole one of Bucky’s carrot sticks.

“Go for it, I hate carrots.” He pushed the half eaten celery against Steve’s lips and the blond took a bite.

Steve picked up his chicken breast sandwich after taking a bite of the mini the carrot stick and coaxing Bucky to finish it off, “Then why’d you order it?”

The brunette only shrugged, “I didn’t, came with the turkey sandwich.” Nimble fingers reached out to deftly pluck the slice of cucumber trying to escape from his friend’s sandwich. Steve raised his brows before shaking his head and taking a bite, holding it out for Bucky to have a try.

Johnny and Clint exchanged looks and Clint picked up his phone, texting Johnny.

_Do they even know we’re sitting here?_

Grinning, Johnny took a sip of his coffee as he shook his head over the cup. Rolling his eyes, Clint stretched out his legs and hit the center stand of the table. On instinct he looked under towards his feet only to see the action going on that he and Johnny were missing. He held back an urge to laugh or yell or something in relation to it, casually slipping out of his seat like he hadn’t seen anything and shook his head on his way to the restroom to text Storm to share in his amused delight. 

A few seconds later he could hear Johnny laughing back at the table, sending Clint back a line of wink emoji’s.

They were winding down on their visit, Bucky looking out the window to the dogs to make sure they were still alright. He had gone to check on them a couple times while the guys were all sitting, feeling like a nagging mother about it when Clint kept telling him they were fine. The ladies supplied a water bowl and he fed them treats knowing he was being overboard but he just couldn’t help himself, giving both of them scratches between their ears before he’d go back inside again.

“Before we leave, I’m gonna go order something for Nat, maybe get a soup and sandwich, maybe a cupcake? I’ll figure something out, be right back.”

When Bucky was out of earshot, Johnny turned to look at Steve dead on, “You should ask him out.”

Almost choking on his coffee, Steve pressed a napkin to his mouth as he coughed, wincing slightly, “What?”

“Buck. You two were practically eye fucking across the table feeding each other food. You know that right?”

Steve looked at Clint who was solemnly nodding as he polished off his second cupcake after his sandwich and vegetables were gone.

“What? No we weren’t. We were hanging out like normal, I don’t even know what- ”

A deadpan expression on his face, Johnny put a hand out for Clint’s half finished brownie that he started into which was on its way into his mouth, “Hey friend give me that brownie, looks really delicious!”

Clint snorted, not even bothering to look his way as the brownie went in faster, “Fat chance, I wouldn’t share desserts with you if my life depended on it.”

Jo turned back to Steve and shrugged at him, Steve clearly not understanding what the point was only wore a confused expression on his face.

“ _That’s_ what friends do when there’s amazing food around them, they eat it and tell the other to get lost. They don’t bat eyelashes and feed each other half eaten vegetables and sandwiches. I’m surprised you didn’t just kiss the food out of his mouth, he probably would have let you.”

“Oh gross.” Clint squirmed out, screwing his face up a few seconds before relaxing again, “He’s right though.”

Johnny nodded, “ _See_?”

Easing back in his seat with a roll of his eyes, Steve said nothing but shook his head as he pushed his plate away from him a little. Clint looked at Johnny with a frown, giving Steve some careful consideration before balling up his napkin to throw it at the blond’s face. He decided against saying anything else and so did Storm, the both of them making their point knowing it was something they probably shouldn’t pester him on about. Eventually Bucky returned with a Styrofoam container and a small bakery box on top of it in one hand and a container of soup in his other.

“Let’s get moving.”

*****

Sam strolled inside with Steve, his hand clapping on his friends shoulder as he was looking around the large gym for a moment.

“Good to be back?”

Eventually he looked back at Sam and nodded, “Yeah, really good actually. Feels nice getting into the routine of things again you know?”

“Definitely.”

Of course the moment it came out of Sam’s mouth, he saw Steve turn his attention to the boxing ring across the way and _of course_ Bucky was there because he had mentioned he would be with Brock and Jack to Steve the night before and Sam immediately saw the stupid dumb puppy expression take over his face. 

_Welcome back to that happening a lot more too as well I guess._

He lightly chuckled to himself, hitting Steve’s shoulder, “Let’s go warm up Romeo.”

“Yeah,” Steve let out distractedly and only moved when he felt his t-shirt being tugged.

Exhaling loudly, Sam shook his head, “Some friendly advice? You need to ease up on that gas pedal my man. He’s not gonna want you hanging off him right now even if he’s kind of opening arms to it at the moment. He might have been cozy with you from our lunch and Clint told me about your early dinner thing but he just got scared badly. Be careful with that and I’m only throwing back what you told me so here it is.”

Finally looking at him, Steve nodded slowly and got a grip on himself. “Yeah, no you’re absolutely right. Let’s get started.”

And they did, for a few minutes before Steve was wistful again, “I just, I keep getting mixed signals on his affection, the last couple days have been normal and nice but then you know that last day at work he was flinching from me. The postcard thing happened and it’s like he needed me again and felt good. I like being needed Sam, I like Bucky needing me. How am I supposed to pull that back?”

Sam nodded, “I know you do and it can’t be easy. You know yourself more than anyone but I still think you need to take some time out for yourself and just relax. Get your deadlines met, he’s not going anywhere. The last thing you want to do is put a wrinkle in anything you’ve got going on that’s good for you. Have you..”

He didn’t need Sam to finish his sentence to know what he was asking, giving him a small look, “ -Have I talked to Tony?”

The brunette nodded and Steve shook his head.

“I wanted to, a few times but I’m not sure how he feels. I know it was him that started it all with the break up thing but half of me had wanted to beg him back the other half was thinking what if he’s angry at me for giving in. I know both were unrealistic because if Tony was saying those things, he’s been trying to come to some middle ground and if that was it, then that’s it. Now with all the time I’ve taken to think it over and really search myself, I’ve been trying to give him space but I have wanted to call him and see if he’s okay, we’re friends still as far as I’m concerned and from what I know.”

Lifting his arms over his head and holding one at it’s wrist as he stretched his legs, Sam shrugged, “Be careful with that too, don’t just drop in and surprise him and..I think you should tell Bucky before you do that.”

Raising a brow and glancing up from his own stretches, Steve wore a confused look, “Huh?”

“Not the best relationship between those two, Bucky was the one to tell you he didn’t think you two would work out as I recall. He’s been helping you get over him and I don’t think he would care but just keep all your avenues open if you don’t want him wondering what’s going on.”

“It’s not like Tony hadn’t been my friend before we dated, Bucky knows that already.”

Sam bit at his lip, “I know Steve, _I know_. But just, trust me okay?”

Never steering him wrong, Steve studied him for a long moment pensively before he just let everything go and nodded, heading to one of the treadmills, “Sure Sam, I’ll give him a warning.”

Sam wished that sounded less absent than it did.

Bucky’s phone chimed and he struggled with his boxing glove to retrieve it only to almost have the sandbag strike him back, stumbling a few steps and ignoring the bark of a laugh Brock tore out from the ring.

“Hey! No phones Kid!”

Holding the glove between his teeth, Bucky shooed him away checking the text and sending something back, glancing over to him and Jack in the ring with some students. He was secretly in love with watching the pair of them just being cute and Brock getting to use Jack as a living combat dummy. Jack was on point with playing his roles, getting into positions and holds. The live interactions with a knowledgeable opponent just seemed better than with a student volunteering and having no idea what Brock wanted, they meshed so well and he was sure some people were kind of shipping them as much as he was based on the gazes some of them had.

He peered back at his phone then slipped it back into his pocket, watching the guys again until there was a tap on his shoulder turning his head to see Kyle beside him, facial hair a little thicker but neat and trimmed, smirking in mild amusement.

“I’m still surprised we go to the same gym.”

Bucky laughed staring at how different he looked out of a suit and tie, _well_ aside from the fact that he had seen this man fully naked. It was different staring at his chest in a tank top under a jacket and some sweats, “Well, it’s pretty popular and central but don’t consider me a regular. You just caught me on one of my better moods to actually drag my butt out here. I prefer other ways of working out.”

Leaning in like it was a huge secret, Kyle nudged him, “I know. So do you wanna join me?”

Bucky paused to take a comparative measure on their body types and Kyle laughed, tilting his head towards the weight room, “I’ll go easy on you, I need a spotter anyway at some point.”

“Fine, but don’t invest too much on me.” 

Kyle chuckled, a rumble deep from within chest and Bucky bumped his hip against his as they made their way there.

Steve stole a glance across the room to the bars where he was surprised to see Kyle back again out of nowhere and stripped down to a tank and long shorts, easily performing a rep of pull ups like it was nothing while he was talking to Bucky who was standing between him and the mirror. He was attempting his own rep of pull ups on the bar in front of Kyle only to huff out after two, instead he began tugging at it like a jungle gym prop to play on instead of using it to work out with, grinning to his apparent not so one night stand. 

“Quit sulking.” 

The elbow to his side was unnecessary as he glanced towards Sam giving him a disapproving look and Steve huffed out lightly, purposefully turning his back from the pair, “Not sulking. Just..I don’t get it?”

“What’s not to get?” He sat down on the bench, studying Steve’s contorted expression, “He likes the guy on some level and _don’t_ make that face at me. I’m inclined to believe him if he says it wasn’t the company that caused him to get upset. He wouldn’t keep speaking to him if it was. You know that.” 

“Yeah, I know it’s just that- ” He turned to make a point only to let out a soft sound of discomfort when he saw Kyle continuing on with his pull ups except now Bucky’s legs were wrapped around the guy’s hips and holding himself up by the secondary bar doing his own reps that way while the both of them carried on a conversation like nothing was the matter with it. “ _Why_ am I suddenly on the set of some cheap porno Sam, why?” 

Looking over in that direction, Sam turned back to him with a shrug, “At least he’s working his arms?”

“Hey kid! Stop usin’ someone like a jungle gym, _Jesus_!” 

They both watched Brock walk by carrying boxes of something and Sam laughed to himself even though Steve only looked like a scolded child and the brunette had to roll his eyes, giving his arm a little nudge, “Let’s finish off the cardio work. Put on some tunes and don’t look that way or else you’re gonna end up having a fit.” 

Because he was an expert at not listening to Sam’s helpful suggestions, he looked over one last time and watched the pair of them give each other bedroom eyes, groaning to himself as he finally pulled his phone out of his pocket to find a playlist.

Bucky left Kyle a little while later, muscles burning a little and his left ass cheek smarting from the hard smack he got in a playful _good game_ manner from the guy though with a little more of a purpose to it. It didn’t take too long for Kyle to figure out where Bucky liked being touched during their one night and it made him laugh a little to himself maneuvering his way back to the ring where Jack and Brock were boxing it out before Brock’s next class began.

Evidently he missed a lot, resting his arms on the side of the mat beside a couple of students watching intently, some other trainers and members loitering about. The two were already sweating and heaving deep breaths, blood dripping down their faces. He knew if this wasn’t Brock, the management would have tossed them out for the bleeding alone but fortunately he was on a team of people that brought the place their income, as long as it was on his break time or his off time, him and Jack duked it out freely without the threat of some sort of repercussion. They were doing it for fun, eyes shining bright under the glare of white, intensity locked between them and Bucky smiled, this was definitely another way they flirted. No one could tell him otherwise. 

Brock had an angry gash above his eyebrow, drops of sweat mixing with blood as it trickled down his face and off his sharp cheekbone, lids lowered while he gazed up at Rollins keeping his head bowed away. A thin grin that was a little shy of crazy sat across his face as he panted out, his jaw aching and cheek bruising up. He stumbled back from Jack’s arms and then was in again, striking his side in one fluid motion. 

Jack knew he was as fatigued as he probably looked. He was agile and strong with his movements but Brock could keep him distracted, keep him inside and tire him out if he failed to slow Rumlow down. Either way Jack would always push, and Brock loved when he did, they were alive like this, keeping their adrenaline high and their blood pumping.

They rounded each other, one of Jack’s arms haphazardly pushing back slick hair from his eyes, which one of them had already started swelling with a deep angry red around it, tongue occasionally swiping over a cut on his lip that had finally stopped bleeding down and off his chin a bit ago when Brock got a lucky shot much too early in the game.

Brock always wondered from time to time if Jack held back. Not to get him wrong, there was a reason Rumlow steered clear of Jack’s punches, gloved or not, they _hurt_ and he was man enough to admit that. The guy was insanely fast with jabs, a fucking beast if you left yourself open. If he couldn’t read a lot of Jack’s movements, he could easily be concussed without much of an effort. There was a reason no one picked on Jack and those that did really shouldn’t have. 

It was just that Jack seemed to be playing with him at times, humor glinting in focused eyes and it did something in Brock, something he couldn’t pinpoint but _enjoyed_ like Rollins was seconds from pouncing because Brock was being hunted down. The fact that pretty much only Jack could do that to him pulled this curious uncertainty from him, made him wonder if those feelings were of him wondering if Jack was at his full potential when they sparred.

“C’mon Jackie! What’s holdin’ ya up? Hit me!” He shoved at him, arms grappling each other into the ropes and there were excited noises around them that they were both drowning out as they were doing with the speakers that played too much dance music.

Jack pushed himself off the ropes, grinning at Brock and completely ignoring the fact that he opened up his split lip again. Brock couldn’t help giving him back the same expression feeling something in himself settle inside and welcome the ease with him in the ring like they were at home and things were okay. Even with Rollins’ face covered in sweat and bloodied up, he looked good, lethal in all aspects like back before he got hurt overseas. Like Brock always remembered him, coming alive and dangerous when he was cornered, it had been disappearing the past few weeks and he didn’t know why except that it obviously had to do with his disabilities overtaking his thoughts and there was no reason for Jack to get into his own head about it. As selfish as it was, Brock missed him most when he didn’t care about holding himself back. He knew Jack was naturally quiet but the silence screamed loud in his ears when Jack was this _different_ quiet like he had been lately. He fixed himself to shake Rollins’ out of it no matter what.

Jack stalked towards him and Brock felt his body instinctively ready itself and _Christ_ he always loved this, the moment Jack didn’t care anymore, when Jack let go and he was having fun and just so.. _happy_. He wanted him like this, all the damn fucking time.

Bucky saw it too, an excited helpless grin spreading across his face because there was nothing else like watching the pair of them like they were so deeply intimate with each other which he was absolutely sure was what was happening in their private little world. He didn’t need to see through the hail of punches and jabs they were exchanging that Brock was keen just as much as Jack was, tangling into each others arms, a push and pull they exchanged and taunting one another back and forth. It was better than watching a real fight in his opinion, catching all the tension easing out of them and they were almost dancing together toe to toe. Bucky propped his arms up by his elbows and swooned over it like he was staring at two lovers, he couldn’t help it, they were both so very stupidly into each other it was addicting to watch.

Time had caught up to them eventually, bloodied and bruised, Jack pulled away and slipped out between the ropes even though he could have lasted for hours pushing himself to fight with Brock, sweat getting into his eyes and his body thankful for the reprieve while the adrenaline began leaving him and he was coming down quick and hard.

But Brock, bouncing valiantly from one foot to the other despite the heavier breaths and missing a few blocks, was something else entirely. They hadn’t taken a few rounds like that in a long while, usually just practice and routine work. Letting go and just beating your best friend up a few rounds was a different level, it put him on a different space where he was falling a little further for Brock and the way he moved in his own element, the way Brock had always taught him to move like he did so they were complimentary to each other even with the hits and strikes. He would do it all day if Rumlow asked him to. 

Brock glanced up from talking to a few students, their eyes catching and he gave Jack a grin and what looked like a thumbs up, dampened hair weighed down and chest heaving as he was peeling himself out of his tank and heading to the changing rooms.

“Oh my God..” Bucky hissed in Jack’s ear from his side, passing him a towel as he walked over to slump into one of the chairs, “Could you be more obvious you wanna turn your session into some porn set?”

Immediately Rollins looked away from Brock’s back, glancing at the floor and taking the towel uncertainly after getting his gloves off, he tried to sop up as much sweat as he could, checking cuts in the mirror to the side, face already bruising up nicely. 

Handing him a bottle of water, Bucky smirked proudly, “Don’t worry, no one noticed. Didn’t know this was going to be the thing that pushed you from no way to maybe and then all the way to yeah I’m gonna fuck him.”

“Bucky.” Jack scolded and yet was only laughed at for his troubles, “It’s not like that. It was just, I don’t know..something.”

“It was you two being yourselves, I think. You like when it’s just the two of you being honest, if that makes sense.”

Jack didn’t wanna talk about it, downing the bottle of water with a shake of his head and a playful kick to Bucky’s shoe. He didn’t really have much of a worry of being bugged anyway, Bucky suddenly fixated on a new target and was waving at Steve when he was coming out of the restrooms.

“I’ll see ya later Jackie.”

Jack snorted to himself, “Yeah, _right_.”

Wandering off into the tiny by the office infirmary that was really just some supply closet but was converted into a space for a person to sit and get patched up, Jack mainly went there to get some alcohol for his cuts to clean with and then he planned to get himself showered and changed while ignoring all of Brock for as much as he could. It worked mostly because Rumlow had to get back to work and Jack got away with it for the most part until he was hit in the shoulder on his way out of the showers.

“Headin’ to the bar tonight, you comin’?”

Automatically he wanted to say yes; his heart wanted to say yes, his body wanted to say yes but his brain firmly said no. He shook his head, “I can’t. Got some stuff I have to do.”

Brock snorted, “You can rearrange yer dumb music and book collection on the weekend, come with me tonight.”

“No, really. I can’t, promised my neighbor I’d help her with her door, it’s off the frame.” It wasn’t a complete lie, he did have a neighbor that needed his help but he had done it already. That didn’t mean Brock knew that.

His best friend eyed him suspiciously but said nothing else about it, “Suit yerself if hangin’ out with old biddies is yer thing Rawls. I gotta start with class, see ya.”

Jack watched him leave, realizing he was still in his towel after a shower and he shuffled off to go change, shaking his head at himself.

Leaving the locker room area, Jack decided to maybe see where Bucky was in an attempt to decide if he still wanted to stick around or get going. It was then when he found Steve trying to help him with squats while holding weights that he clearly understood the gravity of Bucky’s obvious problem with keeping his distance around Steve and Steve’s as well. 

Steve at least looked like he was trying to teach him, speaking closely to Bucky and standing behind him tapping two fingers lightly so the kid kept his arms bent correctly and the dumbbells were balanced out just above his shoulders, back straight and his behind out a little. Though Jack definitely didn’t miss the way Steve’s eyes roved when Bucky was staring straight ahead attempting to concentrate. 

Focused on breathing and attempting to do one squat just to test the waters with the new amount of weight tacked on; Steve moved down with him, talking as he went and immediately hands moved under Bucky’s arms when his elbows were going awry and guided him back to the proper position and keep his back straight the moment Bucky swayed slightly from a miscalculation. Laughing out at himself, Buck’s face flushed red in embarrassment, Steve shaking his head like it wasn’t worth getting bent out of shape for and that it was okay to mess up, or well that’s what Jack assumed he was saying.

He watched a hand rest at Bucky’s hip to gesture he go back up now to see how that felt and carefully followed him along for that as well. Jack didn’t miss the way Steve was getting red tipped ears or how Bucky was slowly seeping in his flirtatious playfulness now that he had an idea for how to do the work out. He must have asked they repeat the rep because Steve nodded and they were down together simultaneously again, hands hovering to catch him just in case and then Bucky was back up before Steve was even ready getting a fraction of a second of Bucky’s butt inches from his face before he rapidly stood up all flustered like his life depended on it. 

Jack shook his head at them, shouldering his gym bag and deciding on not interrupting them but he did see Sam watching the show from another corner of the room, giving him a quick wave before he headed to the parking lot. 

He loved Bucky more than a lot of things in this world, but he felt bad for Rogers because he knew the moment Bucky decided to drop the act of saying he wasn’t into Steve in that 'I’m in love with him' way, he was going to eat that poor guy alive.

*****

Bucky crashed in on Steve around late dinnertime, Nanook following behind while he was hanging the leash on the coat hook. He hit the couch watching Steve cleaning up paint brushes over the sink.

“Hey, need help?”

The blond shook his head, “Almost done actually.”

Bucky settled himself to pet Nook and give him one too many I love you’s while the canine tried to get his entire body onto his lap and Steve peeked over, sharply whistling at the dog and gesturing for him to move who promptly shifted off Bucky and ducked his head down like he was ashamed.

Raising a head in confusion, he peeked up from the couch, “What’d you do to my dog Rogers?”

Shaking his head, Steve went back to drying his brushes, “Nothing, we have an agreement, I think.”

“You two bonded didn’t you? Aw that’s so cute. He must really like you if he’ll listen now.”

“ _Hey_ he listened before, just..not entirely.”

“Yeah, see? Now he respects you.”

“Yeah, got tired of watching me cry like a baby.”

Bucky laughed, trying to find something on the TV, giving Nook a scratch underneath his chin.

“He was really good when we’d go out, he’s got a good intuition. I guess he knows I’m not that bad of a guy now. He knows you’re going to baby him though so of course he loves you the best.”

Pressing a kiss on his dog’s head, Bucky wrapped his arms around furry neck, “I love him best, don’t I?”

Nanook licked his face and rolled onto his back, coaxing Bucky to give him belly rubs while he sprawled himself out on the couch and he obliged him with a laugh.

“So, what did you do yesterday?” 

Bucky smiled casually, tucking his hands behind his head as he sank even lower into the couch, “Not much.”

Steve didn’t seem to much like Kyle and telling him that the guy blew him in his car before they went back to his place seemed irrelevant and possibly opened a route to them fighting again over Bucky’s frame of mind and all that jazz he didn’t want to talk about. 

He let his mind wander about how when they did get inside Kyle’s place and were really trying to stretch out the night a bit with a few drinks that only ended up with Bucky somehow on his lap and Kyle jerking them off together. 

Steve was still rummaging around and Bucky swallowed quietly remembering big hands touching him everywhere through his clothes when all he was doing was grinding down on him at first, slow and lazy while he was feeling the man’s fingers occasionally digging into his skin and make heavy panting noises loudly in the very open sitting room. 

It didn’t take much for his mind to think about the way Kyle never stopped kissing him, down the column of his throat and along the lines of his collarbones. The way he rucked up Bucky’s t-shirt to get his mouth on his nipples while he had slipped his hand around the both of them while they were barely out of their pants and the slick of lube added in that made the hand job all the better. 

Eyes closed, a hand absently dusted across the light marks from teeth against his shoulder and a set just behind his ear. He recalled Kyle asking him if he could fuck him and Bucky readying himself for anger and anything else when he said no. He had run into a fair share of people that asked him the same question, he wasn’t surprised about it. People asked but he was never comfortable enough to say yes. A few were childish about it, some angry but most were just accepting of it. Kyle was the latter, he only shrugged and smiled at him, going back to kissing the side of his neck again and burning the trim of his beard roughly into skin and soon Bucky was slipping fingers into dark thick hair and cupping the back of his head as he moaned for more. He let himself relax, felt appreciated and in a weird way taken care of, like when Johnny was with him. It was nice and at the same time a little odd since he was so used to detaching himself usually from people he had sexual encounters with.

They eventually had sex in Kyle’s bed and Bucky dressed himself and didn’t feel bad about it like the last time, he thought about the way Kyle grabbed his hand and kissed the side of it as he thanked him for a fun night and hoped they could do it again. 

In the end Bucky smiled at him, genuinely, and nodded, thanking him for the fun night too. On the cab ride home he was still processing the idea that not all human beings were up to something, he took a shower and a well deserved deeply satisfying nap. He woke up feeling content and happy, buried in warm covers and Liho’s head tucked under his chin purring loudly away. It could be okay like this, like how life used to be over six months back.

Steve sank down beside him, “Don’t tell me you’re napping already.”

Shaking his head Bucky opened his eyes, tucking his hands together in his lap, “Nah, just thinking.”

“About?”

“Uh..” He didn’t exactly want to lie but he didn’t exactly want Steve making snippy comments either.

Steve flipped channels, “That martini guy, Kyle?”

Though Bucky wanted to frown, he chuckled lightly instead, “I don’t think you need to keep calling him martini guy. You know his name.” 

Steve only shrugged indifferently and Bucky looked back towards the television.

“You guys had a nice time? I mean like, you were okay?”

Glancing over, Steve wasn’t looking his way, pausing at something on the movie channel before surfing again. “Yes. We went to a charming seafood place by the water, candles and all that junk. I was under dressed though, I didn’t know where we were going and I threw my coat on over a Blondie tee and some skinny jeans but it was nice, should take you one day, you’d love it. I went back to Nat’s in the early morning.” 

“You hate seafood.”

Frowning slightly, Bucky pressed his fingers together, “I do not. I’m just picky, I ordered the prawns anyway. I really like grilled prawns and they had some rice pilaf thing so it wasn’t a big deal.”

“If I was taking someone on a date I’d at least ask them if they _want_ to eat seafood.” Steve muttered out looking a bit like he was constipated.

Bucky smiled, nudging him in the side with an elbow, “It wasn’t a date. He was hungry, asked if I was too. We just went to eat. If that was a date, you and I would have gone on a ton of them.” 

Steve turned his head and partially smiled at him, “Yeah, true.”

Staring after him as his friend settled on one of those classic football games, Bucky folded his hands together. Neither he nor Kyle wanted anything more than fun, he was an exec that never had much downtime. Late nights in his office and business deals out of the state or country. Bucky was a stress relief, a last minute event the guy could schedule into his appointments and Bucky found him easy going and polite. He had a demeanor of aloofness about him that seemed to come with his work ethics like being a little ruthless at times was a must for his cutthroat world and Bucky would just watch him hold it from time to time if he was bumped into by someone not looking where they were going because of their phone and never bothered to apologize for their lack of manners or if he was served the wrong drink because the bartender hadn’t heard him and said something like they could try to drink it anyway. It seemed automatic like he believed in standing up for himself because generally with everyone else; servers, waitresses, random people greeting him just because he was handsome and nicely dressed, he was sharing jokes and flashing toothy grins. 

Their second meeting was played out exactly how he wanted, how Bucky wanted because he was already trying to make some space for Steve to find his way back to some sort of normalcy and Bucky couldn’t allow anyone else to distract him while he was waiting for the one guy he wanted.

He rested his eyes as he smiled to himself, this worked for him; spending time with family, then there was Steve, a little bit of tall dark and handsome and last but not least Johnny and how freeing he felt just spending any time he could with him. Everyone helped keep his head leveled because he needed his mind off some things right now. 

It was Nanook’s whining that alerted Steve, Bucky had fallen asleep against him and had eventually stretched out on the couch with his head using his thigh as a pillow and the dog taking up the space by Bucky’s legs. Steve managed to get the blanket off the armchair without too much disruption and carried on watching the game. Nook raised his head and watched Bucky when he suddenly sat up like he was pushing someone away abruptly, startled and alert, Steve’s hand automatically gripping at his arm so he didn’t fall off the couch and staring at him.

“Buck, it’s me. You’re okay.”

And just like that, Bucky seemed to snap away from whatever had held him, blinking a few times before he rubbed at his eyes trying to make everything out.

“Stevie?”

“Yeah?”

“I had a bad dream I think.”

Steve felt his heart sink, gentle fingers pulling at Bucky’s wrist to let him see his face, a smile on his lips, “I think you’re right. It’s okay though, you’re here. Safe.” He cupped Bucky’s cheek, thumb brushing along his cheekbone and a hand came up to rest against Steve’s.

He watched Bucky leaned into it, barely awake and rubbing his cheek in moving onto his lap before either of them could really think things through. Steve only pulled at the blanket Nanook had sat on, wrapping Bucky in and kept him warm, his head heavy against his shoulder and the leveled way he was breathing into his neck told him the brunette was already drifting from him again. A soft whimper slipped out by his ear and Steve rubbed his back softly, hushing him as his lips brushed into his hair, “Sleep.”

Bucky roamed in and out of sleep, the flicker of light from the television was his only random light, warmth surrounding him as he sat on a fine line between sleep and waking up, slowly realizing that most of the room was sitting in darkness. 

He finally stirred to sit up, pressing a hand against Steve’s chest and not sure of where he was at first, “What’s going on?”

“You were sleeping.”

Blinking tiredly, he stared face to face with Steve watching him and he suddenly felt bad for making a bed out of him, “Have you been letting me sleep in your lap all night?”

Chuckling a little, Steve half shrugged, “It’s barely all night, maybe three hours. I was watching a movie and then watched some sports highlights, it was fine. You drooled on my shirt though.”

Blush reached Bucky’s face, a hand coming up to his mouth as he slid off Steve to sit beside him, tangled in the blanket and Nanook lifting his head to look up at him before burrowing his nose under a paw to sleep again. 

“I’m sorry I did that.”

“It’s okay, I needed to change anyway and now that I can, gonna go take a trip to the bathroom. I’ll be back.”

Yawning against his hand, Bucky lingered along trying to settle with either being awake or falling asleep again. He hated the couch but he still wondered about the way Steve was and if he was okay. 

He was a little scared to sleep alone, his hand absently brushing along fur and quietly admitting it to Nook like he was listening to him and rested his head on his blanket covered thigh, ears twitching lightly. He made a howlish groan sound, pressing a paw over his eyes as if to look embarrassed or that was what Bucky saw as he laughed tiredly.

“Not like that.” He playfully chastised to the dog that didn’t much care to do anything but sleep. Bucky only smiled at him and gently stroked his soft ears, watching as he started dozing off again. A few seconds went by and he got himself up off the couch and made his way to the bathroom, door open and the sink running.

“Steve?” He peaked his head into the bathroom, toothbrush running under the water as the blond glanced back at him curiously, “Is it okay if I stay with you? Tonight, I mean..in your bed?”

He absently picked at the door frame, not sure exactly _why_ he was asking or why he was even nervous. He could see by Steve’s expression he was equally as confused. His brows came together like he was trying to grasp the request but only dumbly nodding, putting his toothbrush away before he wiped off his hands and gave a passive shrug, “You mean the whole night I take it? If it makes you feel better I don’t- ”

“Mi-e dor de tine.” Bucky blurted out sullenly. 

They both froze a second before both hands shot up to Bucky’s mouth in surprise staring at Steve who had closed his own mouth though his lips twitched a little and he smiled at how aghast Bucky was at himself.

“Sure. Yell at me in Romanian, I can really defend myself.”

He was still smiling and Bucky eased his hands away, blushing furiously knowing his only safety was that Steve never knew a lick of what he said but he was smart, he could and would study it if he was determined to. He’d do it to play a prank, he’d do it for silly reasons too if he had some.

“I’m sorry, it just came out. I don’t know..” What the hell was he doing? He was feeling so much at once, fussy and nervous, like an excited energy rippled through him after his nap against Steve and he sighed because it was probably because of Steve. He missed him yesterday and a lot of today and all Bucky wanted was for everything to be normal again because he hated being apart from him even though he knew he maybe still should.

Steve stared at him, licking his lips thoughtfully before resting a hand against the counter space, “What did you say?”

Feeling silly and shy, Bucky looked off, down the hallway towards a dog that snuck off the couch and was now laying on the floor watching him with keen interest, heavy tail thumping softly against the wood and he swore Nook was smiling at him. He silently asked his dog if he should tell him or not and of course Nook only lolled his tongue out and tilted his head still observing him curiously.

“I just said I miss you. It’s nothing. I just felt it, strongly..I guess.” He could feel the tips of his ears burning up.

He wasn’t sure what he expected from Steve, definitely not some romance novel moment where he came in and kissed him, maybe perhaps some wise action of turning the whole thing into a joke. Instead what he got was Steve straightening up a bit, a little too sombre looking which only made Bucky even more nervous. Perhaps he was asking too much too soon, he was so stupid..

“I’m right here. Always here for you, Buck.”

Steve’s voice was so soft in Bucky’s ears, like how he felt he would sound through his emotions. Both feeling fragile and he wondered if his best friend felt as vulnerable as he did. He felt like they were both so _off_ for their own different reasons but knew they wanted to get back to normal and they knew their normal was like when they ate and could be themselves again, laughing and happy while they were enjoying each others company.

He shifted his weight from one socked foot to the other, too open, he wasn’t willing to keep himself like this and felt himself step back only to see Steve step forward, a hand hesitantly out but not too much. It was wary and Bucky knew he himself was the one giving away mixed signals about being touched but then so was Steve, Steve who was caught up in his own broken heart and always needing someone to be a companion to him especially when he himself was vulnerable.

But when it came to Steve Bucky always gave in, lifting an arm out higher than Steve’s set shoulders and his friend read him, every detail on him, frame sweeping in and arms wrapping around his middle as Bucky pressed forward into hard lines and tight holds. He buried his face against the side of Steve’s throat and could barely breathe, ribs squeezed and Bucky refused to care as he closed his eyes and looped his arms around Steve’s neck. Pale yellow bathroom light draped over Steve’s back as the dark shadows of the hallway hugged around Bucky while he breathed in deep and assured, no words coming to help him.

“I miss you too, always missed you. I _need_ you. I just, I don’t know..I’m sorry..”

Bucky wasn’t listening to Steve’s rambling, lost deep in strands of his hair and somehow they were against the wall behind him, fingers sliding into dirty blond and it felt right like this, skin hot and prickling, his other hand pressed down along his shoulder and curling fingers around the fabric of his shirt.

“ -Buck, are you listening to me?”

Immediately he was shaking his head, face hidden away and everything was safe like this, he didn’t care what else was going on because nothing else _mattered_.

Steve sighed at his side, his face pressing into his hair. He could only pet and soothe him, knowing Bucky was pretty much half awake and worn out if not from his body then from his mind racing over too much. He turned them towards the bedroom, “Let’s get you to bed alright?” 

Bucky nodded against him, head tucked away and hidden from everyone, it was exhausting to keep a brave face, to believe all the help was keeping fears at bay but it was harder when he couldn’t get what he needed, starving for the affection he felt like only Steve could give him.

*****

Steve felt himself waking up yet his eyes weren’t ready to open but birds sang sharp and clear from outside what must have been his open window not that he could understand _why_ it was open in the middle of winter and where the hell the birds came from first of all. 

The wind blew through, gentle and sweet instead of icy and cruel, he definitely didn’t want to open his eyes now as he barely heard curtains wave gently in the breeze like there wasn’t a care in the world. He felt like he knew they were light and practically sheer, dancing with the sunlight to the music played softly by the wind chimes.

Steve snapped his eyes open, not in his apartment bedroom but instead in a bedroom in what seemed like an aging but well taken care of home in a bed framed in brass, furniture worn and used but they belonged there, air smelling of green grass and subtle like wild flowers, Etta James singing out low and quiet on a weathered radio and he felt like he was out of time here and yet it felt right and settled. He looked out towards the windows, a pair side by side open wide with sunflowers growing barely a few steps away and he saw just enough to know he was on a farm.

He didn’t understand, until maybe he did.

The scent of mint filled his nose and a body shifted against him, Steve finding his arm draped against sun warmed skin and he tilted his head the other way just as Bucky curled up tighter draped up against his side. His hair was longer, only just a bit, messy but always baby soft as he absently smacked his plush lips and frowned a little like he was fighting to keep himself asleep. His head came up against Steve’s bare chest, rubbing his scruffy cheek against one nipple as he hummed contently to himself. Steve watched him start dozing again and he couldn’t help it when he lifted the hand off Bucky’s back and lightly brushed fingers through brown hair coaxing a sleepy smile out of him and a crinkle of his nose.

“Mmm, let me sleep.”

Steve only smiled because yes, that was his Bucky alright. It was him all the way down to his little bare toes peeking out under the covers trying to curl up into soft bedding, it was until an arm came up and was draping over Steve’s stomach, one lone beam of sunshine bouncing off silver sitting perfect and precious around Bucky’s finger. Instinct made Steve reach for it but everything only disappeared, shattering the whole environment that jolted him into really waking up in his actual bed with the snow framing his window outside.

The first thing that came to Steve’s mind was that he hadn’t slept that well in a few weeks even with the weird baffling dream. It was what his brain was telling him, sleepy and a little hazy but feeling _good_ , muscles agreeing and he could only smile, eyes closing again while he soaked the last frayed bits of slumber lingering over him before he would have to move.

The moment he opened them again though realization kicked in, a soft warm body curled up around him like in his dream. Bucky was actually there and sleeping like he was afraid of losing him and Steve felt his body was kicking in to everything, aware of their tangled legs and laying out on sides with his arm loose but protective around a small waist. Bucky’s sweatpants hanging low and his shirt sat rucked up around his ribs, a shift of Steve’s hand found he had been at some point in his sleep trailing his fingers up and down his spine. 

A light noise slipped away by his ear, eyes shifting to watch Bucky pressing his cheek against the pillow bunched against Steve’s own looking younger while he still slept, lips plush and a rosy pink sitting slightly parted. He felt the urge to touch, fingertips curving in against the bumps of his spine, caressing gingerly as he felt his other arm tingling numbly under both their pillows. 

He refused to move his hand off the skin he was allotted even though he wanted to brush the back of his knuckles against Bucky’s neck and down the line of his throat. He wanted to trace his thumb along his pouty bottom lip and press a kiss there too. Feeling his stomach twist, Steve knew his dick was not being a good friend to him right then. Luckily, although they were tangled up, the blanket had managed to pack itself between their hips in the mess and even with hooked ankles and locking knees, Steve was effectively only offending the comforter this morning. He silently congratulated himself for turning the heat up a little overnight before they went to sleep.

He contemplated moving and getting into the shower, or just anywhere _away_ from Bucky so he didn’t mess any of this up but life hated him and it only took a second for the brunette to blink awake suddenly, catching him staring. Bucky only looked at him for a second, lips curled up lazily into something of a happy secretive smile, like it was special and only for him. Steve couldn’t help but smile back at him. He had too many wistful daydreams about waking up over and over like this, some of them with kisses to Bucky’s skin and his hand pulling him close from where it was at right then, brushing his nose along bare shoulders and tickling him awake.

“Hey.” Bucky whispered out quiet and sweet, muddled accent always thickest when he was just waking up.

It was only one word with three tiny letters, used often and so common but the way Bucky said it only caused Steve to feel like something had punched the air out of him. It was just the sound of _everything_ in Bucky that Steve wanted, neat and perfect in one little simple greeting.

“Hi.” He returned back, watching Bucky blink sleepily a few times and gaze around the room trying to grasp his bearings.

Steve wondered in this small space between them, together with no one to stop them, if this was what they both wanted. The back of his thumb flicked up lazily along a couple of ribs until it was stopped by t-shirt and Bucky made a tiny shrill noise, ticklish and tilting his face against the pillow like he was shying from it. Steve couldn’t get over how cute it was.

He pressed his thumb against Bucky’s skin and rubbed in smooth heavy circles feeling him relax again once he wasn’t feeling the threat of being tickled anymore, “Is this okay?”

Bucky hummed approvingly, eyes closing again, “It's more than okay Stevie.”

The dream came back to his mind and he thought a little about it, what it meant or _could_ have meant. He wasn’t sure entirely what his mind was telling him and he couldn’t take it for face value except all he really wanted out of life was to be happy and Bucky laying there wearing sleepy smiles felt like it was all he needed. He hoped they were okay again and this wasn’t indirectly because of the postcard, he really did miss Bucky’s affection and constant touch but he did know Sam was right about one thing, he still had to take everything slow no matter how much his brain was showing him things possibly way too ahead of their time right now.

*****

Walking in on Brock doing something or actually sleeping with a girl was never anything new for Jack. All the way back since the beginning of high school he had seen enough of his best friend’s pasty white ass to be able to draw it from memory if he had to. Sometimes it was tanned but usually white as a sheet while the rest of his body was bronze and sometimes it left him confused as to why he never tanned that one damn spot because it blinded him enough.

Once he was screwing a girl on his couch when he was thirteen right before a COD tournament they were heading together to. It was with some girl that was pretty much the bicycle of the small group they hung out with that Jack didn’t want to touch with a ten foot pole. Evidently it was her way of wishing him luck. Jack walked in with McDonald's and it took him a second for his eyes to register in the shade drawn darkness and the strangled noises before he was looking at the back of Brock’s head tilting back at the couch and she was riding him. The couch was making a weird squeaking noise he never bothered to notice until then and suddenly it was extremely loud. 

Her blouse wasn’t even off but unbuttoned halfway with all the goods out and they locked eyes, as weird as it was while she was busy, she actually smiled at him and waved her hand at him. Her hand quickly fell back on Brock’s shoulder to keep her balance.

Rollins tore his eyes away and gripped the bag tighter as he walked through to the kitchen, “Rums, I brought food.”

He didn’t expect much of an answer, pulling out a chair at the kitchen table that was thankfully out of sight of the couch and digging into his pocket for his earbuds.

“Gimmie five mins Jackie!”

_..Right._

So days like now, he shouldn’t have even batted an eye when a girl was in Brock’s bed.

Today was pretty much like any other day they planned. Every second day or so he got up before work and went with Brock to the gym and they worked out before his trainees came in and before Jack himself had to get to his own job. Sometimes Brock was awake when he arrived, sometimes he coked himself out or drank too much and he was asleep and not planning to move.

Then there were the times he had some random chick in his bed with him and it started to get more and more irritating to find him like that. She wasn’t even _that_ pretty, barely sleeping near him because unlike using him as a pillow, Brock wasn’t much for cuddling one nighters. 

Usually Jack’s general job when it came to girls around was to coax whoever she was awake and call her a cab as Brock would have if he was up. He didn’t have to offer polite awkward conversation but at times he did, sometimes they were nice too and he’d actually offer the lady something to eat from Brock’s kitchen but sometimes they were just so fucking trashy he wanted them out of the house especially when they were looking at him like they knew he didn’t live there but figured shit out before he even got a clue as to what feelings he might have been getting. That judging look was something he wasn’t a fan of and those women could go outside and fucking wait.

He would have to wait and see if Brock stirred soon because if he was hungover real bad there was no point. Generally they’d never leave to work out at those times, Jack would only offer him some pills and water then unlock Brock’s phone and set an alarm for him so he wouldn’t miss work. After he would just loiter around until he had to head to work, sometimes he would cook them something or he would just make some coffee and watch something or read. Today was different though, he sat in the kitchen and waited a few minutes. Waited for the cab to arrive and the girl to get in and the car was gone while the sunlight stretched across the table and brushed along the back of his hand as he tapped his fingers restlessly. 

He was upset and it made him upset that he felt that way.

Agitated, he tore out of his chair and barely heard the movement in Brock’s bedroom, he snatched his keys off the coffee table and jogged down the stairs.

“Rawls?”

Jack didn’t wait, pulling open the door and letting himself out just to slam it harshly closed and head for his car. A momentary spark of guilt hit him for making such a dramatic exit but his mind helpfully supplied that Brock had no idea _why_ he did it and it simultaneously pissed him off further and eased the worry.

The corner of his eye picked up the front curtains upstairs moving open and Brock was there with eyes half opened and no shirt on and Jack was suddenly _angry_ instead of more upset and he tore out of the driveway and drove off, the phone going off in the passenger seat to Brock’s drunk face trying to take a selfie one night but only getting mostly his nostrils. Trying to ease the grip on his steering wheel, Jack ignored the call and concentrated on driving. The last thing he needed was to get in a damn accident.

Seventeen missed calls later his phone finally stopped blowing up and Jack drummed his fingers before reaching over and picking it up at a red light. It was mostly confused texts and instead of answering them he called Bucky.

“Hey, where are you?” He switched it to speaker and rested the cell on his lap when the light turned green.

Bucky yawned over the call, “At Steve’s place. Just waking up, what’s happening?”

Jack ignored the fact that he could hear shuffling really close to him that he knew wasn’t Bucky, “I only got a couple hours before work myself but uh, can we talk? I could pick you up maybe if you want to get up that is.”

There was silence on the other end and he could _feel_ Bucky thinking away, “You wanna buy me some pastries over this little chat and maybe something warm to drink? Steve likes apple tarts.”

“Buck, don’t pull me into whatever you’re up to.” Steve suddenly cut in.

Jack tried not to smile, at least Steve had enough brains to try to separate himself from the situation. Already changing lanes to turn left, Rollins checked his mirror, “Yeah yeah, I know how to bribe you. The French place you like by the park where you took Rogers for a date then?” 

Bucky let out an undignified squeakish sound and Jack held back a laugh, “It _wasn’t_ a date Jack! Don’t pick on me or I won’t let you swing by here. Shut up Steve, I don’t even know why you’re laughing, you were the date!”

Steve was still laughing anyway. Jack found them a little cute. He couldn’t help it.

“I’ll be there in about ten.” 

Jack had his phone off when Brock tried to contact him again, sitting himself down at one of the white tables and playing with the cutlery as Bucky spoke softly in French to one of the girls at the counter and then approached to sit himself down across from him. 

He pulled his phone out and slid it towards Jack, “So what did you do to him? I was in a nice warm bed laying in Steve’s arms and it was really sublime. Now I’ve got Brock blowing up my phone and I didn’t wanna answer him by saying you picked me up so I said I didn’t know. Now he’s asking me to tell him when I hear from you and to call and see if you’ll pick up my calls because Brock’s _obsessively_ sure you’re screening him. Pacha what did you do?”

Shame suddenly took over Jack as he glanced at the phone before he raised his head to look at Bucky, hands coming up to rest on the table, fingers twining together, “I didn’t do anything. I went to go meet up with him- ” He drew in a breath, shaking his head at himself, “I lost my cool. I never said anything to him. I just left..kind of slammed the front door too.” 

There were times where Bucky had no patience for two minutes and some odd seconds on a microwave timer to finish heating his hot pockets and then there were times like this where he just stared at Jack trying to process what he was saying with what he wasn’t saying because he already knew that part via the hangdog expression on his face.

“ _Why_ is what I wanna know. What was he doing?”

Rubbing the back of his neck, Rollins tilted his head to glance out the window, their morning together grey and slick with rain tapping softly against the glass, the snow gone away for the moment, “What he usually does. Sleep with some girl that he met at the bar.”

It made Bucky sad, hearing Jack sound so _small_ like he was defeated. He hadn’t heard him sound like that in such a long while, like he was accepting of things and giving up a fragment of something inside of him. The last time he ever had such a tone was when he was sure he wasn’t going to be able to walk properly again. He had put himself into fully indulging his self pity and loathing, it put Brock at his wits end about it because he couldn’t understand how Jack felt about his own accident since all he saw was that Jack was living and breathing again.

Refraining from expressing anything too strongly across his face, Bucky shifted his gaze towards the waitress that approached them with a chipper smile setting down a small carafe of milk and a plate of assorted pastries between them with a coffee for Jack and a tiny pot of tea and a cup accompanying a saucer for himself. 

Jack kept quiet as Bucky thanked the girl and waited until she was far away serving another table. It wasn’t that he was worried about word getting back to Brock but he was just so conflicted and only wanted the talk staying between them. He lifted a hand to rub over his face in frustration, “Firstly, I shouldn’t have done that. The door thing. I’ve caught him messing around with girls and stuff since he was about eleven years old, this wasn’t new. I just thought about what I always do when he does that, like my brain was mocking me about it. I clean up after him, give him water to rehydrate him, make sure he takes something for his head. I check if he’s comfortable..I shoulda- ”

“ - _God_ Pacha listen to yourself, you’re not his damn wife.” Bucky let out in a huff of annoyance, irritation for _him_ crossing his face before features softened again. He reached his hand out to rest lightly against Jack’s, “I _know_ you. You take a lot, it’s okay to feel upset because of your feelings. He doesn’t need to tiptoe around you to ease them because he doesn’t know they exist but you have to see that this was inevitable, don’t you? It was only a matter of time before your jealousy of boys looking at him was going to extend to the girls that he screws.” 

“I didn’t care before, I knew he didn’t see it like anything but a stress reliever.” Jack countered exhaling loudly between his clenched teeth leaning back against his chair. Green eyes danced across the windows, watching cars and people walking by outside, fingers drumming the table under Bucky’s hand.

“You’re stressing yourself out..”

“ _I’m_ stressing myself out? Tell my damn brain that I don’t need to fucking dream about Brock suddenly. That I was doing fine prior to this abrupt urgent need to express some feeling towards him I can’t even bear to understand fully.” His voice rose a bit, “That _he’s_ the one that doesn’t get why we should quit laying down together while drunk because he keeps clinging to me.” 

Furrowing his brows, Bucky tilted his head as he looked at Jack, _really looked_ at him, Jack’s hand stopping its actions only to turn itself over and hold his hand, he just looked so tired about everything.

“Oh, Jack.”

The corner of Rollins’ mouth twitched as they intently stared at each other because he already knew what Bucky saw, “I’m really fucked, aren’t I? This isn’t ever going away.”

Bucky shook his head, “You see Brock all the time, you both need it so taking time away from him won’t work. Doubt you’d want to anyway. I don’t even love Steve and I couldn’t shake him, I forgot when I wasn’t seeing him but everything came back the moment I did. I can’t stop feeling the way I feel, even if he doesn’t feel the same. I wish I had a better answer than ‘Yeah Jack, you’re screwed.’.”

Jack pressed his lips together, there was no way Bucky wasn’t in love with Steve. The kid only saw the world with him in it and a rainbow of colors to make it bright but at least Steve loved him back, this Jack knew. He saw that too. Brock had nothing like that with him, he checked. He was _sure_. Maybe they were close, real close and intimate in ways maybe other best friends weren’t, but Brock never did anything out of the ordinary, he never lingered his gaze, never gave off anything in that manner. 

Rollins had been looking for it, any sign that maybe he could talk to Rums about this, work it out but instead he found it harder to act around him because Brock didn’t seem to get flustered when they physically touched or bothered about the close proximity of their bodies. Sometimes Jack found himself gazing at him, smiling because he was smiling and then Brock would feel he was being watched and turn to look at him, then they’d both end up grinning like a pair of idiots over nothing. 

He always thought with moments like that he might know but it only felt natural with him and maybe it was their way, he liked it that way but it was also confusing as all hell to him because his emotions were getting the best of him and this looked like it was all he was going to get. Either Brock really had no romantic feelings towards him or he was damn good at hiding it and one thing Jack knew about Rumlow was that he was a terrible liar when it came to keeping something big from him.

Worrying away at his bottom lip, Bucky gazed at him, “Please get a hold of him soon. You don’t have to apologize or even say anything like that, just tell him you had a bad morning or hell tell him you’re not his mother and you shouldn’t have to do things for him. If he says he never asked, which he will, just say fine and give him a taste of his medicine. He may act like an ass but he’ll come running right back because you know how much he loves you.” 

Jack brushed a hand through his hair and nodded, head bowing down.

“I mean,” Bucky sipped at his tea with a light shrug and a casual tilt of his head, “You know that. So you know what he’ll do if you don’t get back to him and tell him _something_.” 

“Yeah I know Buck. He’s gonna go get high and black out somewhere because he’s too much of a stubborn asshole to come look for me.” 

Bucky smiled a little but it was strained, worried because Brock was so damn reckless, “Oh he’ll look for you but you know how quickly that goes from worry to anger.”

Only nodding to the comment, Jack finished off the last of his coffee and stared at the cup thoughtfully after he set it down. “I’ll call him from work.”

They didn’t really get too much hashed out once Jack got all of that off his chest so Bucky was updated, still he felt himself at ease a little because of his current company. It only cost him a half a dozen pastries but it was worth being able to talk it out a little before work so he didn’t have it hanging over his head to distract him.

“We got a little bit of time do you want me to drop you back off at Steve’s place?”

Bucky shook his head suddenly looking a little unhappy and Jack reached over on instinct alone, resting a hand against his arm.

“What?”

He turned to look at Jack, “I was honestly glad you called, he kinda said something before you did and he would have noticed me getting pissy. He’s going to go see Tony sometime today.”

Returning his hands back on the wheel, Jack glanced over at him when they were at a red light, “And you don’t want him to?”

“No it’s not that, I just- ” Bucky shrugged helplessly, “I don’t have the right to feel negative but I do..”

“Hey, it’s okay to worry but they’re friends right? He’s got to have felt like he’s half of their break up and wants to check up on Tony to see if he’s doing okay.”

Bucky looked out the window and Jack hated watching as he slipped his feet out of shoes and pulled his legs in to hug them as he tried to make himself smaller than he already was. He sighed and pulled the car over, pressing a hand against his shoulder, “Hey sloneczko, don’t worry. You have to trust him, did he just ask you or did he tell you?”

Pressing his mouth against his knees, Bucky was thoughtful for a moment turning his head Jack’s way, “Like he was going to do it but..he seemed worried, like I was going to get mad at him for it so he said he won’t if I said so but like he would do it another time not just never do it again. He doesn’t owe me anything, I don’t know why- ” 

“Stop, alright? Let him check in with you if he feels he has to. You and Stark aren’t friends, Rogers knows that and he doesn’t want you getting upset because you’ve spent all this time on him and now he’s going back to his ex and you know it’s not to get back together with him. The guy cares about his well being too and you can feel awful, you can feel mad but just remember that he’s just going to check on a friend. He cares about you, a lot believe me Kid, he _adores_ the shit outta you. You act like he hasn’t made thousands just off painting you and I don’t think that was the plan. People like that don’t just paint someone over and over again for fun, there’s emotion and passion with them and in the stuff he’s done of you. He looks to you for direction, he respects you,” Jack stared off out the windshield shaking his head, “If he wasn’t pulled off that guy he would have ended up killing someone for you. I know it’s hard to believe all that but it’s all true and it’s all there in front of your face. If there was a fragment of a chance he has feelings for you he won’t fuck it up and I don’t think you need to worry, I know you want to but the last thing he wants is lose you. That’s including a friendship and your respect.”

Bucky sniffed softly, staring at his knees, “Pacha, I’m fucking scared.” 

“Why didn’t you tell me any of this before we even went out Buck? I wouldn’t have unloaded on you, Jesus..I’m sorry.”

A faint smile hit the corner of Bucky’s mouth and he shook his head to brush off the apology watching cars go by, “You two are my favorite soap opera, I don’t want to miss a minute and besides, I want to be there for you.”

Reaching over to lightly rest the edge of his finger under the cleft of Bucky’s chin, he waited until steel grey’s peered back at him before he slid his hand up along the underside of his chin cupping his jaw, “I wanna be there for you too.”

Bucky stared at the earnest look in Jack’s eyes and he couldn’t help smiling wider for him, “You always do Jackie, I promise.” 


	30. I’m not good enough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve visiting Tony shouldn't have caused this much blowback. If _any_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 50k is split in two, sorry it took awhile. D:
> 
> [Chapter 30/31.pic/gif](http://kalika999.tumblr.com/post/162115429060/hunger-of-the-pine-chapter-3031-steve)
> 
> Warnings:  
> \- Fighting  
> \- Panic attacks  
> 

**Late January 2016**  
  


Steve arrived at Stark Tower ten minutes earlier than he needed to, walking through the lobby and getting familiar greetings from random staff working late and he gave them thin smiles and polite nods, a couple of waves from people down a corridor or two followed them. He felt a little nervous and uneasy, licking his lips over and over again and chewing at them while he pressed his hands together, a little clammy. He had no reason to be, everything was fine, well to an expected awkward seeing an ex-boyfriend level, and Tony sounded a little tired on the phone but he tended to be at times, told him to visit when he was done with work. He had to call Sam to cancel their morning run together over it because he had no idea when he was going to be leaving, already after midnight but he didn’t much mind, reminding Bucky again of what was going on and for him to know he wouldn’t be able to take Nook out once he got off work. A part of him hoped Bucky would be there when he got back, maybe asleep in bed but there somewhere and he smiled to himself as he stepped towards the private elevator, entering a code just in time for it to open and Bruce was stepping out, the pair of them pausing before each other. 

“Bruce. Hi, how are you doing?”

Fixing his glasses, bags sat under Banner’s eyes but he smiled softly at him and nodded with a side tilt of his head as he thought about a good answer, “Good, tired but good actually. Progress on a current project so I figured I would get some air outside. How are you doing Steve?”

“I’m..alright I guess.” His hands dug into his pockets and he sheepishly smiled, “A little nervous too, been a little while since and it feels weird being here just as..me. How’s he been doing?”

Bruce shrugged helplessly, “As well as you can expect I gather. Not talking helps with his coping, I mean he knows he made the right choice and you saw it on his face but I think it began to sink in a little what that meant, put himself into his work more which is saying something because you know how he is. We had to keep an eye on him.”

Guilt ate at Steve for not making contact earlier, feeling like a chunk of Tony wearing himself thin was his fault, “Look, I want to say I’m sorry for- ”

Shaking his head at him, Banner smiled a little more, kind eyes staring at him, “Don’t feel guilty Steve. It was right, this was all right. I think it was good for you both to be apart and take some time to look at it differently than you both were doing. It’s good though, for him to see his friend. He’s missed you.”

“So have I.” Steve agreed.

“Well then I’ll leave you to it, don’t take some of the things he says to heart. He doesn’t mean them.”

Always to the rescue as a neutral party, Steve gave him a nod and a smile, resting a hand on his shoulder before he gave it a light squeeze, “Enjoy the fresh air.”

Nodding to him as he stepped past, “I will.”

The nervous feeling came back when he was alone again, riding the elevator up and towards Tony’s personal floor, a safe haven where Steve entirely wasn’t sure he should be entering so early on. He knew he was being neurotic but he couldn’t help himself, tapping his fingers against the seam of his jeans while he watched the numbers climb higher and higher until the car slowed and a soft voice announced his floor just before doors opened and there was Tony, sitting sideways on his stool at the bar reaching for a handful of cocktail peanuts as he tilted his head towards the elevator.

“Well look who finally arrived and on generally estimated time.”

It was like some kind of relief that went over him when he saw Tony, worn but pulled together. His tie was a little sloppy, his shirt wrinkled at the ends and his hair a little too palmed through but together. A sense of Tony’s own relief seemed to go over him as well but as Steve knew ahead of time, it was short lived before he observed shoulders draw in and eyes go a little smaller. Walls were going up right before Steve’s eyes and he didn’t blame him, he _couldn’t_ because he wasn’t going to allow himself to. If Tony felt this way, he was not going to be the one to tell him to stop but he missed him, their past friendship, their conversations. Wanted to know in full detail how he was doing because he needed to make sure they were okay. These walls however, he wasn’t sure how to maneuver around them on their new leveled playing field.

Deep soulful browns studied him a moment before turning away, entire body sliding to face the bar counter top and wrap his hand around a glass like it was some sort of solace for him right then and perhaps maybe, it was. 

“Well, you knew I would. After work like we planned, figured I may be late but it was a decent night. Got here a few minutes early even if it’s after twelve, still I did say whenever you were free.”

“Yeah,” Tony huffed out a small laugh over his glass, “Yeah, you did and I’m free though now that I think about it I’m not entirely sure if I should have said anything.”

Steve swallowed thickly, processing in his head as he slowly gestured a thumb past his shoulder towards the elevator, “I could go home, you know, if this isn’t a good time I mean the last thing I want is- ”

Tony absently waved a hand at him, not tearing his eyes from the bar but he shook his head, “You’re here already, just didn’t get ready in my head about you coming by I guess but really. Good to see you bright and chipper even in the early AM.”

Frowning a little, it didn’t take much for Steve to feel the accusation in his voice, a spark of bitterness that he was sure Tony didn’t intend to be so clear but couldn’t remove because no matter how right he was, no matter what his work meant to him, he was _pushed_ to look at things different between them to make the choice. He was sure if Tony saw him a week and some days back Steve would have looked similar, outwardly unhappy, maybe bitter too and they’d understand each others mutual pain over a break up. He knew now it might not seem like it, that Steve was smiling and no, he wasn’t over this whole situation but he was able to deal and process, he was able to distract himself with Bucky and his other hobbies, he was technically taking care of a dog that wasn’t his and Bucky needed him for support that he would never deny him. 

Steve could see Tony had things to help him but Tony was also notoriously good at bottling himself up because he felt better that way, it was how he operated, stamping down instead of bringing them up and it wasn’t like Steve allowed himself to be open to it. Steve might as well have closed the door on his friend for practically a month to let go, to soothe himself, he should have extended himself and _tried_ to at least tell him properly that he would be there even if he didn’t need him to be.

He only let Tony accept the closed doors on him and instead of beating them down stubbornly, he turned and walked away because he wanted to. Because he _had_ to and yet he forgot that Tony didn’t express himself like Steve usually did. Carefully raising a hand to brush along the back of his head nervously, fingers grazing over the hairs growing a bit too long at the nape of his neck, Steve drew in a short breath of air and then exhaled it quietly. “How are you Tony?”

The brunette’s shoulders went up a hitch like he was internally snorting to himself, head shaking a moment before he lifted the tumbler to his lips and took a sip, swirling ice in amber a second before he set it back down on the smooth surface of his bar. “Great. Excellent. Everyone asks the same thing, I’d have thought you would all talk to each other to compare notes or something instead of asking me the same thing over and over again. It’s tedious to say the least.” 

Pressing his lips together, Steve frowned and suddenly began to move past Tony and his menagerie of spirits to enter his kitchenette area and open the door of his fridge. He rummaged through five day old Chinese take out and expired olives and half eaten containers of _things_ he wasn’t even sure about. He counted about three boxes of pizza, one had fur growing over it and Steve grimaced before he could help himself. The one sitting at the top looked fresh enough, opening it to take a quick sniff before he pulled it out and set it on the counter, “How has Rhodey or Bruce not condemned your whole floor as a hazmat area yet I don’t know.”

Steve sniffed at the pizza again before he placed two slices on a plate and heated it up, a look of stubborn determination on his face while Tony didn’t even acknowledge him, instead pouring himself another glass. The microwave chimed cheerfully afterwards and Steve pulled the plate out to give it a third whiff before he was satisfied it wouldn’t kill his ex-boyfriend promptly carrying the plate over to set it down beside Tony’s hand, “You need to eat something.”

Finally Tony looked at him, brows raised a little and the expression was something that was hard for Steve to take, the fondness in it that he always saw without needing to be told that yeah, Tony Stark wasn’t a mindless robot, that he had a heart and it was full of affection and appreciation for him and all his friends. Except it slipped away just as quickly as it came, dubious of the kindness.

“What Rogers? You think warming up some pizza is going to make everything normal between us once again?”

Steve refused to show the sting he felt from the words, shaking his head vehemently, “ _No_. I don’t, but I want to be there for you, it’s not like you were the only one upset and angry _and_ brokenhearted Tony. It took time for me too, I wanted to call you so many times, I did but I knew I would just end up saying something stupid and it wouldn’t have helped our situation at all. So I didn’t. Not a day went by where I hoped you were doing alright. You know me enough, you know I wouldn’t lie to you about that.” 

Tony was silent, back turned a little to him, shoulders bunched and tense as he leaned forward over his glass and pushed it about absently as he stared. He didn’t answer and Steve rested his hands on his hips, dropping his head down to stare at the floor in frustration.

They stayed like that, quiet and sullen, until Steve couldn’t take it anymore and looked up again, staring at the back of Tony’s head before he slowly stepped towards the stool two seats beside him so he could see his face again.

“Do you think we can we start over?” He questioned, voice low and careful. “I just want it all to start from the beginning. No sadness, no buried resentment.”

“Oh? Is this going to be one of those Lifetime movie moments where I come to my senses all of a sudden and want my friend back and I ignore all the pain? I guess unlike you, I’m just not there. I don’t have a back up like you do but I’m perfectly fine though, thank you.”

Fine, of course depended on who you spoke to. Bruce most certainly did not agree with him on it but Steve figured rotten leftovers or cold two or three day old delivery pizza every night and drinking til he passed out (because he just _knew_ ) in order to chase away his feelings then yes. He was definitely fine. Never better.

“Dammit Tony, would you drop the martyr act already and listen? I’m _sorry_ for everything, okay? You’re family to me and walling yourself up isn’t helping you.”

Tony leaned further against the bar, drinking down what was left in his glass before pouring out another shot and letting it sit idly in the melting ice as he glanced back at Steve, “So what do you have in mind then? I’m pretty sure I’m not all together to go partying with Barnes or singing campfire songs around a fire while we attend couples therapy, plus I’m pretty sure they would think we’re in a threesome which could get very weird. Unless you’re both into that kinda thing, I could give it a go. I heard he’s a beast in the sack, all teeth and some other things if you catch my meaning.”

Steve let out a heavy sigh, shifting uncomfortably in the stool he sat in, his fingers lightly pinching the bridge of his nose not knowing where to start. Tony was laying on defensive wall after defense wall and he just wanted to knock them all down at once.

“Look, I’m here for you Tony. I don’t plan on you and Bucky having some session together, he would refuse and..” His voice softened as he glanced towards the bottles on the shelves along the wall, “Besides we’re not together. I..it’s just not like that between us. He’s been helping me the best he can and..”

He shut his mouth, pressing his lips together into a thin line. That was enough sharing. He could see Tony listening, his curiosity piqued. Even with his head turned away Steve knew he was processing and milling the news quietly in his head, his bottom jaw doing a kind of stretch thing he did when he wanted a second to think and used the gesture as a deflection. 

“Not together huh? I figured you would be shouting it loud and clear to him, thought that’s why you didn’t contact me. You know, too busy getting on a new ride.”

Steve tensed but he supposed he deserved it, the way he had emotionally began checking out bit by bit, he really saw more of how that seemed now. He was wrong, he understood that and he watched Tony take another drink. Peering down at his hands, he rubbed one over the other lightly feeling out the bones underneath his skin.

“Like I said before, I spent a lot of time trying to get over you and that’s why I didn’t call. I’m sorry I didn’t contact you earlier, I know you were hurting but so was I Tony. I was devastated even though I know you- ”

Tony immediately raised his hand to stop him, soft eyes looking at him with a pained grimace, shifting over one stool to sit beside Steve as he shook his head adamantly, “No, no. I _know_ you were hurt. It was a surprise attack from yours truly and I didn’t want it to be Sw- Steve. For that, I’m sorry but you weren’t ever going to leave. We both know that and Barnes..everyone knows what he means to you. They can see what he means to you, you get that now. Had the time to think it over without objectively putting me in the line of fire as a reason why you shouldn’t take a serious moment to think about that.”

“I’m _sorry_ Tony. I always wanted to call you.”

He shook his head to the statement, hand held up in front of his ex with slightly curled fingers, drinking down the alcohol waiting in his glass. He glanced over with a small smile, “Don’t. I was a terrible boyfriend, I would have made a terrible husband and you were a terrible boyfriend for sticking around when your heart left a few months ago. Sure you didn’t know it but now you can see with a clear head how shitty we were for each other. We’re better as best friends Steve. I’ll always be there for you. I’d make a death bot for you Baby.”

Steve’s brows straightened out, a smile forming on his lips as he reached out to pull Tony in and hug him crushingly tight to his frame. He buried his face against his neck, soaking in everything about him with a deep rich inhale. “I missed you.” He managed to mumble out against his skin.

Tony set his glass down and hugged him just as tightly albeit with a little surprise, fingers digging into the back of his shirt, nosing into dirty blond hair, “Boundaries big guy, but..I missed you too.”

*****

They were still weird around each other, touches not wanting to be misinterpreted and space between them wherever they sat but dragged minutes turned into a couple of hours, sharing pizza and drinking casually as they both recounted about the past weeks without the other.

Tony sat on the floor leaned back against one of the couches in his media room, head rolled back as he threw a peanut shell into the empty open pizza box between them and just relaxed. Steve stared at him with a loose smile, glad he looked better than he had earlier, cradling a bottle of beer in his own hand.

“So..”

A small smirk peeked across Tony's lips as he let it drag off and Steve couldn't help a wary chuckle, “Uh oh.”

Putting his hands up in a helpless gesture as he turned his upper body to face Steve's beside him, “You didn't elaborate on Barnes’ disinterest in jumping your bones. What exactly gives you the idea that maybe he’s not waiting for you to ask him?”

Steve nodded, drinking down what was left in the bottle, “You’re right, I didn’t and that’s insightful except that he’s been sleeping on the couch lately. All signs are pointing to not interested.”

Tony raised a brow, “My friend, I saw those clips. You know I did, he’s definitely interested.”

“Tony..”

“Would I really lie to you, really Steve?”

Steve sighed, lazily dragging a hand over his warm flushed face, mumbling against it, “No.”

“See? Then there you go.”

“He’s got a lot on his plate right now, I don’t think he wants a guy who just broke up with someone he wanted to marry.”

Sucking a sharp breath through his teeth, eyes narrowing in a pained wince, Tony picked up his glass off the table before him taking a sip, “Ooh, right. Makes sense, I don’t know if I’d want to deal with that any time soon..God though, imagine we did get engaged. You’d lose your head Steve, I’m telling you. You’d be going to pieces over the right flowers and food, the place would have to be perfect.”

Tony wobbled up to his feet, grabbing another beer for Steve before he crumbled back down and poured himself another drink, adding some ice and clinking beer bottle to tumbler. 

Steve couldn't help himself, laughing softly as he shook his head, “I know after all the time it took, I should be upset we’re joking about this but you are right, I would have been a nightmare to deal with.”

*****

Steve was given a guest room after a few jokes about sharing Tony’s bed which he was about ninety nine percent sure was a joke but he wasn’t absolutely sure so there was that one percent lingering around. He slept for a good few hours and despite the awkwardness lingering in the air especially when he was up just in time to join Tony, Bruce _and_ James for a meal, he found after a few short weird generic statements and run of the mill questions, conversation lulled into this comfortable niche where they could all generally ask each other how everything was and what was going on without worrying if it was too much to venture into.

He even found himself laughing with Tony at so many inside jokes they had like it was so _normal_ and at one point not even reacting when a hand came down on his shoulder while his ex was telling a more livelier version of the time he had gotten himself stuck in the labs and triggering a hazardous waste lock down. 

Steve found himself following instinct when Tony would lean in and whisper something by his ear about Banner and would get an annoyed look from the good doctor after and he found himself going with it; their hands would sometimes bump reaching for the same condiment or plate of something laid out on the table and just half smile absently before Steve would pull back and grab for an alternative. 

And still, through it all, Steve felt nothing but friendship with Tony and yet he hated that he was cowardly in telling Bucky how he felt and that he knew Bucky didn’t care for him that way. That Bucky didn’t do anything but treat him like family which was what he needed but he wished he knew how Steve felt about him without having to tell him. He wanted his friend to understand and he still wasn’t sure how to express that at this moment in time without screwing it up and that was ultimately the last thing Steve ever wanted. 

“Do you regret this?”

Tony looked up as they stepped out of the building side by side. The air was crisp and cool as he shrugged with a soft contemplative smile, a cheek pushing up as he grinned a little with a small shake, “I don’t think anything could have saved this ending. It would have turned out this way sooner or later. I’m pretty sure you know that too.”

Steve nodded in agreement, “Yeah. It’s just the details, the what if’s..what if we communicated more, what if I never lost Buck’s number, what if I paid attention to my own feelings better. You know?”

Shaking his head, they both kept walking as Tony swept an arm out in a partial shrug, “You can’t do that though. You just have to do things because those things already happened. You’ll just drive yourself crazy worrying about stuff that doesn’t need to be worried over, live a little, live now Rogers!”

Chewing at his lip, Steve understood the mentality fully and yet he was still shaking his head and jarring himself, “Yeah, but- ”

Tony made a sound of disgust and was grabbing at Steve’s arm before he could even react, free hand cupping under Steve’s jaw as he froze mid-sentence and was taken by surprise when Tony pulled him in as he angled his head up and their mouths met for a very brief and startled kiss that barely lasted a second. 

Steve barely has a chance to really react to anything when he felt warm dry lips press against his and his arms shot up but didn’t know what to do, hovering unsure in the air by Tony’s own. Time seemed to escape him, not sure if it was seconds or longer than that before their lips pulled away and he only blinked in dumbfounded surprise, staring at Tony, too shocked to speak.

The first time Steve ever kissed Tony, he felt like it was perfect and amazing. He wanted nothing else, and he swore that it cured fucking cancer. (He didn’t know better.) This? This was _nothing_ like that, there was a light tingle at his lips but it was more of familiarity that he knew but didn’t need. Something in his mind that had once been a way of comfort but now was just..simply not that way anymore.

He took a step backwards, lowering his arms again as he looked at his friend warily, “What was that for?”

The reaction seemed to quirk a corner of Tony’s mouth upwards. The way he did when he absolutely knew he was right about something and thought it was even stupid he had to go that far to prove how right he was because he knew it for a long time, “Did you feel anything?”

“..No. You?” Steve was surprised at how easily he could state that and not feel guilty.

Tony shook his head, “Well then, there’s your answer. And I still can’t trade what I do for you Steve.”

A simple serene smile crossed Steve’s lips, “I don’t blame you, you’re out there saving the world. I don’t think I knew who I was really in love with if that felt like I was cheating on Bucky even when he wants nothing to do with me.” 

“Oh, now you’re realizing this? The love thing, not the wanting to have nothing to do with you thing.”

“Come on Tony, you know how head over heels I was for you.”

“ _Barnes_.” He corrected with an index fingers going up, “You were..well _are_ head over heels in love with Barnes. I just kept his place warm and before you start acting like I’m torn and broken up I- ”

Steve gave him raised brows and a look that told Tony to choose his words carefully because he wasn’t just some new guy off the block with Tony’s habit to hide his feelings.

“ -I _understand_ Steve. Like I said earlier, you were ignoring things and I was doing it too. I felt emotions for you that crossed signals with trying to keep you. The way I felt about you is different than to what I thought, I mean we worked and I think at that time we shared a love we could have kept but we both lost it. I don’t think about this stuff, you know that. I’m great at not thinking about those things.”

Steve could see the slight stiffness in Tony’s posture but he didn’t point it out. He understood they were still going to need time and there was no quick fix solution. He also believed him when he said he would always be there for him like right then, attempting to prove a point to move onto Bucky without any trace of worry or guilt. They both knew if there was even something they probably wouldn’t have picked it back up, there was no way but it was good to know, to make sure because everything about his life was changing and it was definitely at a pace that was faster than what Steve was used to. 

There was also Tony to worry about too, putting himself on the back burner to help him because a lot of people saw what Tony wanted them to see, they almost never saw the way he cared for his friends in private, holding himself back if he had to so they were taken care of. He did it to Bruce, he did it to Rhodey, he even did it to Happy who had been with him since he was a kid and Steve knew when he was doing it to him too. 

Rifling a hand through his hair, Steve looked around absently, resting his free hand against his hip, “And I’m great at thinking too much, a little stupidly I think.”

Feigning thought, Tony nodded, “Yeah, true.”

Steve made a face at him but there was nothing but affection and care in his eyes and Tony missed that, missed _him_. He went through a lot of emotions, even while Steve was here but ultimately knew he wanted their friendship because it was important to him despite all the negative feelings still softly making their rounds within him.

He reached a hand up, lightly patting one side of Steve’s beard, “I missed you, I was making myself think I shouldn’t but I did.” His fingers lightly scratched at the hairs, “By the way, I’ve been meaning to ask. What’s with this caveman look anyway? Barnes into that?”

Letting out a sharp laugh, Steve pulled his head away and pushed him playfully, “Actually yes, one thing I do know about Bucky is that he’s into this, he told me before. Do you think I could get extra bonus points and attract him with this ‘caveman’ look?”

“If the guy likes hairy, I guess.” The brunette let out with a pinched, judgmental face, trying not to laugh.

“I see you’re still an ass.” Steve snarked. 

Tony threw an arm around him, “Always have, always will. Now, let’s get going and pick up Barton so we can watch this movie you so badly want to see.”

*****

Bucky stepped through the doors and headed straight for the coffee shop directly across from the entrance to the bookstore grinning wide as he watched Clint holding up two coffees and announce some names, setting them down on the service counter to the side before he was making his way back to the cash register. 

The moment their eyes met, the blond was waving at him, “Barnesy! I take it you’re coming to the movies tonight?”

Beaming, Bucky nodded to him, resting his folded arms over the counter as he watched Clint turn towards the machines and fix him a drink, “Yeah, Steve asked but I said I wasn’t sure but at the time I was at his apartment while he was at work making sure Nanook was okay before I headed out to go grab a bite to eat with Johnny.”

His friend snorted, “You can just say went to have sex, you two have been doing that since you were like, fifteen or something.” 

Bucky blushed, Clint obviously too busy to notice someone had walked over by that time perusing the menu board and trying not to laugh when eye contact was made between her and Bucky.

“Sorry, he doesn’t know his filters.”

The girl politely smiled and nodded to him before bringing her eyes back to the board and Clint looked up to see what was going on just as he latticed the top of Bucky’s whipped cream over a mocha with a healthy dose of chocolate syrup before placing a lid on it. He rested it on the counter as Bucky held out a pinched ten dollar bill and Clint scoffed.

“Your cash ain’t good here.”

Bucky leaned forward and stuffed it down the front of Clint’s apron, “It’s for whatever she wants for having to listen to you babble my personal life out in public you ingrate and to clarify, we did go eat thank you very much.”

The girl startled, “Oh, don’t pay for my coffee please. I can’t- ”

“No, let him do it or you won’t be able to deal with his hundred reasons on why you should let him.” 

Actually nodding in agreement to Clint, he smiled, “It’s fine, enjoy it.” He tilted his head to the thick hip bag that was evidently filled with books at her side, “You look like you’re gonna need it.”

The girl blushed, “Well maybe, and thank you.”

Satisfied with the moment, Clint smirked at the brunette wiggling his brows comically, “You still did do the _thing_ though.”

Now the girl was looking pointedly for an answer since she was pulled in without a choice and smiling like she was curious and Bucky huffed out a laugh, grabbing his drink, “Yeah, _maybe_ we did do the thing after some Netflix..Bye Clint, I’ll be at the couch reading til you’re done.”

“Sure thing, and thank you for keeping the Netflix and chill meme valid. Give me about thirty then I can get out of here.”

Bucky shook his head as he was making his way past the small bistro tables towards the couch, a new pile of discarded books sitting on the large coffee table. He picked up a few discarded take out cups and threw them in the trash, glancing out the window as he returned to go sit and he stopped himself, focusing into the lot. His phone chimed and he didn’t really much worry about it until it chimed again, and then again and curiosity got the better of him, unlocking it to see a couple of messages from Loki and something alerting him through an application tagging system. He checked Loki’s texts first and he saw the image before he even read the words. 

“What..?”

A panic washed over him, his throat felt like it closed up and all he could do was stare at the picture. ‘Selfish piece of trash’ was written underneath the message and Bucky was grateful for Loki, he really was, even with how much he liked to play with people and fuck around, he was on the level with him. He didn’t even know he knew but he probably wasn’t subtle about his feelings and now, for one moment in his life, he wished Loki wasn’t so good to him.

Steve was kissing Tony, and Tony was kissing him back, Steve’s eyes half closed because it looked like it was full of meaning and everything hurt. The other alerts were the same, his ear to the ground over other reasons, coming back to bite him in the ass when the picture was circulating and he could see it going around, messages about Tony getting back together with Steve because people loved gossip over local celebrities. It was lit up like a wild fire, the unknown source putting it out there in every way possible, he would never have missed it.

He had heard the chatter of everyone around him in the background but all the voices had suddenly blurred, and was replaced with the beating of his heart all loud and much too hurried, muffled because he felt like he was drowning under a body of water and it echoed in the hollows of his ears. 

And then, at the end of the parking lot still a distance away Steve was arriving with Tony beside him, walking and sharing some small laugh together like nothing was wrong when _everything_ was wrong. They weren’t touching but pictures certainly did not lie. 

He felt like he was hyperventilating and sinking all at the same time, stumbling slightly in shock. Were they together? Steve hadn't told him anything, warmth rushing through his body and over his face, his eyes became glassy and his chest hurt, his heart was breaking. Bucky took one step backwards trying to distance himself away from the window.

They walked through the lot together, Tony leaning in and picking something from Steve’s hair, “Look, I know you and Barnes have seen the parts of your worst days but that doesn’t mean you can walk around with clothing lint in your hair, Steve my God.”

Steve looked at him sheepishly, face coloring, “Bucky doesn’t care about clothing lint Tony.”

“Doesn’t matter! Have to be your best.” His friend lectured sternly.

All Steve could do was give him a look, not sure how to combine Tony’s ridiculousness with his attempt at trying to help his love life. He appreciated the effort but it was _awkward_.

Bucky helplessly watched and then he remembered that Steve had no idea he was here. Of course not because he wasn’t even trying to hide it, not that he had a reason to from him but..he was confused and upset. Furiously bringing up his forearm to quickly brush aside the hot tears threatening to spill across his face as he made his way back towards the coffee counter, “I- I gotta go Clint, don’t tell them I was here.”

“Huh?”

Peter Quill grinned wildly as he popped up from the back and eyes fixed on his phone while Clint stared at Bucky in confusion, attempting to move out from behind the counter and catch up to him, “Tell who? Bucky are you crying? What’s going on?”

Bucky only ignored him and moved faster, slamming his body hard against the side exit doors and took off running down the side street parking lot leaving Clint to watch him in concern. 

Peter hit his arm as he came over, shoving the phone in his face, “Hey check it out, guess your friend’s back together with Tony Stark! Oh man what I wouldn’t do to be around Tony, he can talk dirty to me all day about gizmos and doodads.”

Clint ignored him but held Quill’s arm to make sure he was seeing what he was seeing but the picture was definitely not changing before him in any way, finally letting go when he saw someone approaching and Barton instinctively turned to greet them. His face fell immediately, Steve and Tony all smiles at the counter.

“Oh, hey guys.” He squinted a little, “Are you two back together or something?” Clint retrieved his phone, texting Natasha with an SOS, gazing at Steve.

Tony looked at Steve with a rise of his brows, “Of course not, just spending some quality time, maybe plotting.”

Steve laughed at him and shook his head with a roll of his eyes while Tony lightly elbowed him brandishing a devilish grin and Clint knew he wasn't the brightest of apples but between the picture and Bucky’s freak out, he didn’t know why Steve was being so okay with all this especially when he was saying how much he cared about Bucky.

_Oh Buck._

This was bad.

Like, really bad.

His phone began to ring and Clint smiled apologetically, not entirely knowing what to do because he was in between fake politeness and two seconds away from throwing a pot of hot coffee in Steve’s face, there was no in between right now for him. He chose fake politeness, at least until the Bucky situation had some balance, “Hey guys I gotta take this, sorry see you two later.”

Clint didn’t wait for their replies, racing to the back room and a gesture for Peter to follow him, sliding to answer the phone and pull his arm through one hoodie sleeve.

“What’s up Barton, you look like you saw a ghost.” Peter commented grinning with his arms folded over his chest.

Clint didn’t look up, holding his phone with his ear and shoulder getting his arm into his other sleeve, “Look Pete I gotta go. I know I got time still but are you okay for thirty or so minutes without back up? There’s an emergency.”

Quill only smiled wider, “Sure! I got it, I bet I could run this place blindfolded!”

Clint nodded scrambling towards the door until he froze, whirling around, “Please don’t do that. I’m begging you.”

A laugh escaped the brunette and Clint prayed quietly that the place wasn’t going to burn down because he decided to duck out. He hit the side doors and looked around frantically knowing Bucky was most likely long gone.

“Clint?!”

“Shit.” He winced, walking briskly to his car, “Nat, you need to find where Bucky’s going to be right now. Call Johnny.”

“Just because I grabbed his balls really hard that one time to let him know I was serious doesn’t mean you can’t call him for that.”

The blond winced at the thought, “Yeah well I’m getting into my car to circle the area just in case, you need to get him running damage control, tell him to call Bucky.”

“Why am I telling Johnny to call Bucky for damage control? What happened?”

“Woman why aren’t you checking your phone for all the latest news?”

Natasha sighed in irritation, “Clint- ”

“Someone dropped a picture of Tony and Steve kissing, it’s not old it’s more like just happened minutes ago probably. Buck saw it and he’s really upset. I think he was crying and he wasn’t stopping for me. He just wanted to get away. He just ran out the doors over here. At least Storm can keep tabs on him without him regretting anything tomorrow.”

A small disappointed sound escaped her, “Alright, I’ll call him.”

“I’m pretty sure he grabbed one of the cabs that hang around the theaters and booked it out of here but I’ll try to look for him anyway. Fuck.”

Tony was ignoring his phone making noises, he ignored them most of the time until his ass started playing Donna Summer’s _Hot Stuff_ and he answered it with a casual smile while Steve was giving him a weird look.

“Banner sweetheart, what can I do for you this evening?”

“When did you get back with Steve? Why is Rhodey pacing around my laboratory demanding I create an adult leash in your size, _what did you do_?”

“I did no such thing and tell Rhodey it would never be useful on me. By the way it’s _my lab_ thankyouverymuch. Hey Steve did you know we’ve been in a secret rel- ”

Steve looked like someone had stabbed him in the chest while he was staring at his own phone. “Oh my God,” He croaked out, “ _Oh my God_..”

“Hey Bruce, let me call you back.” Tony hung up before there was a reply, stepping forward warily, “Steve, it’s a joke. Don’t worry about it.”

The blond turned and frantic eyes looked at him, “Are you kidding me now Tony? You think this is a joke? Even if Bucky doesn’t have feelings for me, his friends _know_ I have feelings for _him_. They’re going to think I’m full of shit, after this. How do I explain off us kissing?”

Tony held his hands up trying to placate him, “Okay, you need to calm right down before you pop a vessel or something to that degree. Just breathe and stop staring at the phone.”

Steve held it up to their picture, “ _Tony_.”

“Okay yeah that looks kinda bad. I’m pretty convincing in it though.”

Steve clenched his jaw and his friend looked at him sheepishly.

The phone started ringing and Steve stepped back, “It’s Sam, oh fuck. Fuck, fuck fuck.”

“Answer the phone Rogers!”

Taking in a deep breath, he answered it, “Before you ask me what I was thinking or what happened or anything I didn’t do it. Nothing. Tony grabbed me and we kissed, it was a joke okay?”

Tony pressed in close to get his mouth by the phone, “He’s not kidding Wilson, lips like a fish.”

A strangled sound came out of Steve, shoving Tony away and he drew in a nervous breath as he waited.

“..You are in a mess of trouble, I know I don’t have to tell you that but I will. Natasha called me, Bucky’s gone AWOL.”

It took a second, “ -What?”

“Steve, are you able to come over?”

“Yeah maybe, I just- Where’s Bucky?”

Sighing loudly, he could hear Sam scratching at his jaw, “They don’t know. Nat’s worried he’s going to go missing for a few days, they can’t afford that with him.”

Even though Steve didn’t understand the entire gravity of his kissing Tony leading to Bucky running away, he knew well that Bucky going missing was bad especially when it was from his immediate circle of friends who were his only family.

“ _Steve_ are you listening? Please go home, get the dog and come meet me at my house. Natasha gave me a few places I could look while she’s still stuck at work, there’s a rush and she can’t leave. Clint’s looking in his car, Johnny is out too. They don’t wanna tell Brock yet, but Jack is checking a few places he knows.”

“That’s like looking for a needle in a haystack Sam.”

“And you’re coming to help me look so get off your ass and start moving.” Sam ground out in frustration.

Right, he was because this was all his damn fault even if he didn’t plan on any of this and never even kissed Tony voluntarily, it was a joke a stupid one and-

He shook himself out of his head, digging into his pocket for his bike keys and heading out the door with Tony in tow, “Hey, you need help? I got a car that’s faster than your bike and anything you need Steve.”

Steve’s face was red, ears burning and his throat felt so tight, stopping at the glass doors to shake his head at Tony, “He’s upset and I know you wanna help but the last thing he’ll wanna see is you. I don’t know if he’ll wanna see me when we did so much to help me get over you and now he thinks I wasted it all away like I don’t care what he did for me. I’ll call you later, okay?”

Tony wanted to say something more but closed his mouth instead and nodded, stepping away as Steve pushed passed one of the doors and practically ran for his motorcycle. He shook his head knowing it was so much more than that.

*****

Coming in through the door looking tired, Steve let Nanook explore Sam’s place as he slumped against the wall checking his phone again. No one had responded to him or seemed to want to and there was nothing about Bucky. Sam was on his own phone speaking to Natasha and updating her while he was anxiously rubbing a hand across his head and shaking it.

He looked at Steve when he was free again and Steve had to shake his own head, “You keep looking at me that same way like I’ll be able to change some outcome. I didn’t mean any of this.”

“That you were macking out on your ex-boyfriend, yeah maybe you missed the memo that he was your ex?”

Rolling his eyes, Steve shook his head, “Please don’t ever say ‘macking out’ again, that was disturbing and who said that? We basically smacked lips. Nothing else happened.” 

“And when you and Tony stayed together all night..?”

“And we never did anything, we were drinking and hashing out everything. I swear.”

Sam pinched the bridge of his nose tightly. Steve watched the tips of his fingers reach a pale white and he moved to sit on the couch, Nanook stopping to watch the both of them.

“Have you lost your damn mind Steve? No, you clearly have because the Steve I know would never have thought that was a great idea. None whatsoever. I refuse to believe you were of sound mind when you decided it was a great idea to kiss your ex out in the open if you didn’t do anything with him.”

Steve felt his face burn red letting out a sigh as he pulled himself out of his seat. He shrugged softly, pacing back and forth around Sam’s coffee table as he did, “Like I said, it wasn’t even a kiss and we’re not together. Somehow the conversation went to how my brain kept wondering even though there was no way we would be getting back together and then Tony, being Tony, was all making a joke and he grabs me and kisses me. Neither of us reacted to it like we should have if we had feelings still, I’m not kidding about doing nothing with him! He gave me a guest room after offering his own bed as a joke but yeah I passed out in a bed that did not have Tony in it. I swear on ma.”

Sam was just staring at him like he was trying to let it all soak in and Steve didn’t know what else to say.

“Let’s maybe talk about this later, what did Nat say? Did she have any other places we could go look?”

Sam looked tired, “She said maybe we should sit tight and wait.”

“Wait? Wait for what? We should be doing _something_.” 

“And we have been but Natasha isn’t sure he should see you if we found him anyway. He’s not happy Steve.” 

“Because they all think I slept with Tony? That’s ridiculous, I know..really _I know_ Bucky went above and beyond. I know he spread himself thin to help me but I just, I don’t..” He shook his head and paced around, Nanook bumping his head against Steve’s hand and he gave the dog a soft pat, “Sam, I get it. I just have to explain that his effort wasn’t thrown away, I know he’s concerned for me, I understand he doesn’t know Tony like I do but he shouldn’t be worried. I don’t know why he’s so upset, why they’re all probably upset and you’re here too like I slept with him when I didn’t. What’s going on?” 

Sam bit down on his tongue. He wanted to say, _help_ in some way. Ask Steve if he really didn’t see how much they both had feelings for each other but he also knew enough about his best friend and enough about Bucky to know when one would push that the other wouldn’t take it very kindly. No, to get together this had to be their way and no one else's. If they had to suffer, so be it. For now. 

Mentally and on paper that was a wonderful positive thought process even though most of Sam screamed ‘ _Tell him before I kill him_.’

He pursed his lips, contemplating for a long moment before he spoke again, watching Steve pace back and forth clearly not understanding and he wasn’t sure he would without the truth, Nook going around in circles beside him as he watched closely.

Sam pushed his hands out at Steve, “Okay, just stop pacing for a second. If anything, when was the one time Bucky said something passionately in front of people to you when it was about Tony taking advantage of you and not being good enough for you? Yeah sure he didn’t understand anything at the time but he felt what he felt, he was upset with what you said and let loose what was on his mind. You two finally broke up and then it looks like you went back to him for a night. Doesn’t that feel a little like you clearly aren’t worried about Bucky’s concern for you as a friend and taking heed of his warnings or his help?”

Steve looked exasperated, “I never ever ignore the fact that he helped me beyond what he should have, I thought about all of that long and hard for the past two weeks but he doesn’t need to worry about me and I don’t get why Natasha is angry at me for it. It’s not like I actually slept with him and if they’d let me explain, everything should be fine.”

Sam scratched his head, sighing softly, clearly not sure what to say.

“What Sam? You’re holding back on me, I can see it on your face.”

The brunette only looked at him, shrugging helplessly as he fell back into the couch. He shook his head, not knowing what else to really say.

Steve sat down beside him, resting a hand on his friend’s knee, “C’mon, do I have to beg? I really don’t get this.”

Sam closed his eyes, bringing the heels of his hands to them, rubbing them with a soft groan, “She’s going to kill me.”

“Who is? Sam please.”

He kept his eyes covered, frowning now, “Steve, has it ever...I don’t even know why I’m doing this..”

“Because you love me.” Steve threw in with a short sharp laugh but Sam only frowned harder.

“Did it ever occur to you that Bucky really cares about you in..that kind of way?”

Steve stared at him, mouth crooked and nose screwed up in a way then slowly as it processed his mouth slowly went agape. Sam carefully lowered his hands to meet his eyes, carefully assessing Steve’s reaction.

“Steve? You okay?”

He quickly shook his head, remembering to close his mouth, “This is a joke right? You guys are all having a laugh to give me a heart attack. You and Natasha?”

Sam brought his hand over to rest on Steve’s shoulder, staring at his stunned face, “Would Bucky be on a prank like that?”

Dropping his eyes to his lap, Steve’s face was a mix of confusion and realization. His eyes widened for a moment, then slowly dimmed, his hands pressing together, “Maybe? He could be hiding in his room at Nat’s and you’re all real serious with your pranks?”

The silence in the room was deafening. 

Steve couldn’t believe it.

“Are you sure? Maybe it’s a mistake. I know sometimes Bucky looks at things like he loves them forever, right?” Steve wondered out, voice pitching and going off and shrill trying to strangle the emotion rising up within him.

Sam’s face fell, he couldn’t exactly imagine the damage one image could do with all Bucky was trying to do, what he felt when he looked at his phone. All he did was put himself out there trying to make everything right, everything easy for Steve even if Steve never asked. Just because it was a labor of love because Sam was pretty sure Bucky was as gone for Steve as Steve was gone for him and that they were the two biggest idiots on earth right then. Bucky, unfortunately, was much more vulnerable to the pain of something like that, he wasn’t sure the guy would understand without just stuffing it away like some garbage instead of going through the process of letting it go. Sam knew Bucky was notoriously habitual with hiding those matters. 

“Sam?”

“Bucky,” He shifted a little, reaching up to scratch the side of his head feeling sorry for his best friend and how this all unfolded especially when technically nothing happened. The point of it was obviously to give the impression that it had so it was an impact of maximum damage to solely one person. The ripple effect would go through him and bounce onto his friends and Sam wished he was wrong about calling them wolves. “He just..”

It was like the words sat at a choke point in Sam’s vocal cords while Steve’s eyes looked at him in desperation.

“He looks at you like you’re the world you know?” The brunette practically whispered it out, unsure he should be saying anything but he couldn’t keep things from Steve, he just needed to help him understand the gravity of it because they may laugh about it next week over a week after that or a month later but the present moment there was fallout and damage and he was sure anger from everyone intimately connected to Bucky. He was even guilty of that feeling when he thought Steve was guilty of impulse because he was notorious for it.

Steve could only look at him in silence, a faint choked wheeze croaking out of him as his face strained to hold everything back, mouth curved down, eyes damp.

“I really messed up, didn’t I? That’s why Natasha doesn’t want me to help look for him because she wants me to leave him alone. It’s why Clint left work all of a sudden like a bat out of hell without even telling me anything, why you called me like someone wronged him, Sam. If I had any chance to tell Bucky my feelings and be with him, I just completely destroyed it with a single moment that is completely blown out of proportion.”

Sam lightly squeezed his friend’s shoulder, attempting to give him a sympathetic smile, “I don’t think you destroyed it but it is a setback, I’m really sorry Steve.”

“Oh my god, how could I have been so blind _and_ stupid?! I should have pushed Tony off, even if it was a damn joke I should have never even done that. I have no feelings like that for him, it’s not like that!”

“You can’t beat yourself up about it. It’s not like you wanted the picture taken- ”

“ -Oh god I fucked up so bad..”

Sam tried to be the appropriate friend he was born to be, the way Steve knew him all along but nothing was coming to his mind, shaking his head, “Okay Steve, this isn’t your fault it’s just a huge mess that we have to figure out.” 

Steve pressed his palms hard into his face, releasing a loud angry groan. He brushed his hands through his hair incessantly, shaking his head, “He has trust issues, Sam. Nat told me, _you_ told me. Oh my god, I care so much about Bucky! He’s never going to look at me the same again! I really fucked up, oh my God.”

“Okay, you need to calm yourself down Steve before you put yourself into an attack.”

Steve did the complete opposite, tearing off the couch to clutch his face in horrified realization, “He hates me! He really really hates me, Sam! What am I going to do, oh my God! _Right now he’s run off somewhere doing God knows what because he thinks I had sex with Tony_!”

Sam pressed his lips together, part of him wanting to get up and console his friend but Steve was pacing in a frantic circle and he thought better of it. “Steve, I really don’t think you can do anything about it until we can make it clear you never did anything like that. I’m sorry.”

“No!” Steve froze, arms going out expressively in an upset throw of them, “That can’t be it. That can’t be the end of the story. This was going to be our chapter, a fresh new year and a new start. I wanted things, I wanted to get past everything and move forward at whatever speed Bucky wanted if he wanted me. I wanted everything to be for us. I had ideas in my head, things I wanted to do for him. I wanted to make Valentines special, I wanted his birthday to be special. Sam, I’m in _love_ with him!”

Sam didn’t mean to throw fuel to the fire, he just..

“Are you _sure_ you’re in love with him? I mean you broke up with Tony, you really need to be crystal about this..”

Steve nodded, staring at him with wild eyes, “I do, I just..I never thought we had a chance. High school Sam..”

Studying him long and hard, Sam drew in a long calculated breath when he suddenly realized something, “Wait, Steve. Are you looking at me and telling me that Bucky was your Icarus?”

Sam had spent enough time trying to figure out _who_ the code name was for when it was right in front of his face, some random guy Steve had been crushing on but their circle of friends never really gained new people, some came and went but Steve never looked at them the way he spoke of whoever the person was. Steve was also nervous and confused. He had been with Sharon but unhappy to figure out his eyes were wandering towards guys a lot more as of late and venting to Sam about it. Eventually he had his sights set on one guy in particular but had kept him a secret. He knew he had crushes, he knew of Bucky in high school, he didn’t realize they were one in the same because he was so busy working on getting into college and trying to help his own family and plan a life for himself and Steve as roommates. Steve spent a lot of time with Tony that last year of school and part of Sam just assumed Steve either had lost interest in the mystery guy or he was playing a joke and it was really Tony he was referring to and Sam just plain forgot once they all graduated. Now that he thought about that damn statue, he should have known right away, it just wasn’t that clear at the time and he was thinking about other things. He had faith in Steve that if it got serious he would have been told right away.

“He’s so much more than he lets on Sam, he’s _better_ than me, I’m not worth a grain of salt when I put us together. He deserves everything, I can’t give him everything.” Steve froze mid step, resting his hands against the back of the armchair beside him, raising his head to look at his best friend, “I feel completely insignificant around him, the idea of him caring about me never made sense. That’s why I let Tony kiss me without reacting badly because it was a joke and I was going to try to figure things out with Bucky but I knew it would take time and that he just needed support right now, I was going to wait for him for as long as it took. I knew he just needed a friend, I wasn’t thinking anything where he might be waiting for me to be ready. Tony said one thing that always keeps coming back to me, he said I always kept a part of myself for Bucky. I keep thinking about how right he probably is about that.”

Sam watched Steve start pacing again, becoming more erratic and frustrated with himself. He brushed random tears away from his eyes. His hands jerked from him pressing them against his chest, to tugging at his hair in disbelief, to running over his mouth in shock. Sam pulled himself up, scrabbling at one distressed arm, wrapping his hands gently but firmly around trying to get Steve to calm down. 

“Listen Steve. You really need to calm down right now man. Riling yourself up won’t help the situation and you tend to act your worse when you get this way. You’re impulsive and rash and you don’t need to be like that with Bucky. The more you push him, the more he’ll pull away. Steve, I know you love- ”

Steve turned his head and all Sam could see in them was the endless sea, his face pinched and upset but the sadness in his eyes caused Sam to let him go.

“Sam..”

Sam sighed softly, stepping back from his friend, slumping back on the couch. “Yeah, I know. It’s not just love. It’s real _Love_. Yeah man, love. I get it.”

Again Steve paced and Sam gave up trying to stop him, switching to petting Nanook on the head instead to ease the tension the dog was reacting to because of Steve’s clear agitation.

“Maybe you should settle in for the night. You can stay here if you want.”

Steve shook his head, “I need to go home. I need air, I need _anything_ right now. I just, I don’t even know what I need. This was all a mistake made to make me look bad and I didn’t do anything but he won’t believe me. I know. If what you’re saying is all true then I can’t imagine how upset he is and no matter who took that picture, I’m the bad guy right now and he’s going to keep seeing that even if he knows the truth. He’s going to have it planted in his head and he’s going to wonder because he can picture it with that picture and because apparently every fucking guy he’s dated only wants to do that to him or treat him badly and I just joined that fucking list unintentionally because he’s scared of getting hurt again. He’s _scared_ Sam.” 

Sam only sat there watching him patiently, arms folded loosely over his chest but nodding to what he was saying. Steve threw his arms up in frustration, lips pursed as he grimaced at the mere thought, pressing a palm up against the wall as he passed his hand through his hair, throwing it up in the air with another thought in his head, “And Natasha’s angry, she doesn’t care if I meant nothing by it. If Bucky is upset, that’s the end of the road. She will do everything to keep him safe because you don’t have to ask her to know that she knows _everything_. She’s not playing games. My face is there saying whatever story all of them want to think up. I just can’t do this. I can’t let go of him but I can’t do damage control with them around him. I love that they do that for him, you know I appreciate how protective they are, that I can count on those guys to make sure he’s safe if something happened to me you know I’d be glad someone was out there making sure he was okay but this is bad. I don’t know what to do. I just, I just have to go.”

His legs were moving before he even finished talking, feet shoved into shoes and he was grabbing his coat and forcing his arms into sleeves ignoring Sam’s pleas to stay.

“I can’t Sam, I have to do something you know I can’t just sit here and pretend to wait. Just..get Nook to Buck tomorrow, can you do that for me please?”

Sam pressed his lips together in irritation to Steve’s behavior as he followed him but nodded placidly, “Call me if you hear anything.”

Steve absently nodded as he dug around in his pocket for his keys and started walking down to the driveway towards the end of it where his bike sat waiting, “Same with you.”

Sucking in a deep sigh, Nanook tried to follow Steve but was stopped by Sam gripping his collar and led back inside as the brunette shook his head, “You don’t wanna follow him right now. He’s going to the beat of his own drum and hoping he doesn’t do something insanely stupid just went off the damn table.”

*****

In the end Johnny _had_ managed to find Bucky; all the way in Greenwich, via a friend of his when he had to extend his search to a few handfuls of his friends. He finally arrived in a taxi and paid a hefty sum for it, keeping updates through his phone that he was still inside some random house party.

_“Yeah he’s still here getting drunk as fuck off his ass.”_

The message was sent less than five minutes ago sitting there staring at him as he stood at the open door of the car, leaning his head in again, “If you wait here, I’ll pay you whatever you charge me plus a hundred percent tip, deal?”

The surly older looking man in the driver’s seat raised his brows up in surprise and answered him by cutting off his engine, “With that offer you can do whatever you want kid.”

He nodded at the cabbie and slammed the door closed, heading into the party where the music was already beating out doors and windows of a large white three story colonial and generally he would be all up for this but right now he had a job to do before Natasha got on his ass.

Wandering through shadowed halls and weird lighting, he found the friend he was messaging in the kitchen around some kegs before he was directed to go upstairs and head for the master bedroom where people were getting high. It was exactly where he was told he would find him, thanking the heavens he hadn’t moved.

“Buck.” Johnny climbed onto the bed beside him.

Bucky laid sprawled with the heels of his shoes digging into the mattress as he sang off key to a song stuck in his head, pressing a beer against his ribs. He ignored Jo, singing louder over music blasting around them, tears falling at the corners of his eyes and Johnny watched them roll down the side of his face. 

Reaching out, Johnny brushed his hand against Bucky’s forehead and cheeks, staring at his half lidded eyes. Bucky pushed off the sheets, moving to sit up and reach over so he could snag a drag of a joint being passed around. He handed it back, surrounded by faceless people laying around, some Johnny recognized and some he didn’t but Bucky had already done a number on himself and Natasha requested ( _ordered_ ) him to get Bucky to Nick’s bar by the time she closed or she would remind him why he shouldn’t cross her.

“We gotta go.”

Bucky made a small sound of disapproval, drinking down what was left in his bottle and climbing off the bed with a slight stumble. Johnny managed to grab a hold of him and lead him out up until they were at the doorway and Bucky was swinging his body around and pushing him up into the door frame, pressing palms against his stomach.

Johnny pressed his lips together because he knew what the game plan suddenly shifted to, “Buck..”

Bucky only flashed him a smirk, eyes bloodshot and lost somewhere else. He leaned in, placing a soft kiss against Johnny’s jaw. His hand roamed down, palming him through his jeans and Johnny momentarily lost himself, arching into Bucky’s hand with the slick hot feel of his mouth catching earlobe. 

Johnny felt fingers catching the zipper of his fly and he snapped back into reality, gently stopping Bucky, “No, I really gotta get you into the cab waiting for us. Please you’re really _really_ making it hard on me and I definitely mean on my dick but I don’t want a certain Russian chick we both know to chop mine off so I need to take you to her.”

Bucky pouted at him, playful and much too adorable, a whine escaping at the back of his throat, “But I want you Jo, right now. How about instead of going home you let me take you apart all night and fuck your brains out until you can’t move anymore..”

Johnny groaned pitifully feeling like he wanted to cry. He purposefully banged the back his head against the door frame, rolling his eyes. “Oh my God please remember what you said tomorrow, please I beg you because we can definitely let you do that to me tomorrow. Rain check Buck.” 

He looked up at the ceiling, practically crying at the fact he was saying no to that. Whimpering helplessly before he pulled himself off the door and guided Bucky down the stairs and through the hallway, hoping the cabbie was still there waiting for them. 

Thankfully him and the cab was still there, helping Bucky in before he got in himself and gave the driver the address to Nick’s before giving Nat a call, “You owe me big time Romanoff, the things Bucky wants to do right now. A big Yes from me.”

“No you weren’t. Calm down.”

“What do you mean calm down? When have I ever said no to sex?”

“By what you were describing earlier through what your friend texted, James is wasted. We both know you would never let him do anything like that unless you were sure he was fully aware of it. Face it Storm, you have a conscience and you wouldn’t screw James over to let him screw you. It’s why I trust him with you and barely ever threaten to castrate you.”

Johnny sat silent over the phone, looking over at Bucky half asleep in his seat clutching a full beer he got from God knew where and staring out the window.

“Damn you and your human logic, but he sounded so hot..” His voice strained out in a half whimper and half whine letting his head collapse against the back seat.

“Oh you’ll live, just deal with your hand tonight.”

He scoffed, “Stone cold, Romanoff.”

“Just get him here in one piece, Storm.”

"You know, of all the mothers I've had to cater to because their son was so _precious_ and straight as an arrow, you're the worse and not even a mom yet. I'm scared already for whoever wants to date your kid."

"Yes, well. They'd be smart enough to feel the same way. Now hurry and bring him back to me." 

" _Yes mom_."

*****

Pietro gave Natasha an understanding smile, holding her hand in his and giving it a pat, “Call if you need anything, yes? My sister only met him once and she’s already fond of him.”

She gave him a nod, smiling lightly, “I’ll call if we do. Thank you.”

“I’m sure he’ll be okay once you get him home.” He gave her a quick hug before he pulled away and stood outside of the bar, fishing his keys out. He paused looking from her face to her still flat stomach and then back to her face, “You sure I should go?”

Nodding to him, Natasha had the front door propped open with her body and gave him a pointed look, “I’m _fine_ , it’s way too early to start that already. I’ll stay inside until Johnny arrives with James and then I’ll go home. I promise.”

He pressed his lips together, internally fighting with himself before he gestured for her to show him and she chuckled softly, locking herself inside before he felt better and gave her a wave then took off for his car. Natasha turned back towards the bar, busying herself with putting the last few glasses away and moving around just to the street lamp lights that shone in through the front door window and angled wood slats of the heavy closed blinds. 

Rapid insistent knocking grabbed her attention, turning to expect Pietro or even Johnny but only found Steve looking directly at her as he stopped trying to get her attention, his fist unfurling to press his palm gently against the glass looking miserable. Natasha approached but froze in front of the door trying to decide on unlocking it or not even though Bucky would be on the other side outside soon if Johnny was on time. 

Pleading with his eyes, Steve lightly tapped the surface of the door window with the balls of his fingers, “Natasha, I was set up. Open the door so we can talk, _please_. You know I wouldn’t do this to him.”

His voice was muffled but came clear even with their barrier and something flickered in her eyes, belief if only for a brief moment that could barely be called that before she was staring him down with the door between them.

“Go home. You shouldn’t be here.”

Steve opened his mouth only to turn to the cab pulling up curbside and Natasha was unlocking the door all of a sudden. He turned to see Johnny immediately getting out and jogging around at the other side of the door to open it and helping Bucky who barely managed to get out, his head tiredly tilted in a soft angle as he leaned close to his friend. 

Storm’s eyed suddenly met with Steve’s and he gave him an uncomfortable smile, Bucky’s arm pressed around his waist, his head resting against his friend’s shoulder. “Oh. Hey Steve. Didn’t know you would be here because..” He paused and just didn’t finish that off, juggling Bucky’s weight at his side to keep him secure. 

“I didn’t think I would either.” He mumbled back, his eyes set on Bucky’s drunken body language. Soon he straightened up on his own, drinking out of a bottle he was holding, glazed eyes catching his for a second before ignoring him completely to wrap his arms around Johnny’s neck, a soft voice saying something into his friend’s skin though he couldn’t tell what it was. Johnny could only smile a little, rubbing his face absently into Bucky’s hair and it only made Steve’s jealousy flare up.

Natasha poked her head outside, “You can leave him here Johnny, I got him. I just need to lock up.”

Steve didn’t miss Johnny’s eyes pass at him then back to Nat, still smiling away like nothing was wrong, but Steve’s memory burned with that flit of eyes, the _meaning_ behind it like Storm was considering him as a _threat_ to Bucky being left alone near him. He would never do anything to hurt him, everything was just a mistake, why didn’t people understand that?

“You sure? I can wait.”

She nodded and tucked herself back inside to lock up.

Clenched his fists, Steve loosened them up almost immediately, wanting to say something but he bit back the urge watching Johnny say goodbye to Bucky, playfully smacking his butt before he climbed into the cab, Bucky giving him a wave before watching the cab drive away. He finished the bottle off, tossing it to the side barely hearing the sound of it smashing, Bucky's eyes drooped closed as brows furrowed and he swayed slightly, leaning himself into the side of the building. 

Steve looked pensive, standing close but not attempting to do anything, “Bucky.”

Bucky’s eyes snapped open, peering at Steve before shaking his head, his hand raised shakily and attempting to wave him off to stop him from coming closer, “Get..out of here Steve.”

Bucky begrudgingly pulled himself off the wall, venturing down the sidewalk. His footsteps felt forced and heavy trying to get farther away from Steve as humanly possible. 

“Bucky.”

“I said fuck off Steve!”

The icy wind swirled past Bucky’s face as he pushed forward, his hands searching to pull his sweater closer but noticing finally he had none, only in his t-shirt and jeans. The brunette stopped for a second, trying to understand where it could have gone to. He looked around to his left, then to his right before a warm jacket was suddenly resting around his shoulders. 

Steve stood beside him, watching with concern. “You’re going to get sick staying out here.” He murmured lightly as he straightened the collar of it.

Bucky tilted his head to the side, cocking a brow and squinting at him in disbelief, “Does that really..matter?”

“You know it does.”

His voice was soft and gentle, Bucky’s glassy eyes looking at him, features revealing the wheels turning in his mind. 

They both turned when the sound of a taxi horn blared, Natasha flipping the closed sign and locking up the front door, giving the driver a wave of her hand. 

“James.” She quickly walked over to him, examining his face for a moment with a gentle hand under his chin, immediately removing the coat off his shoulders to shove back into Steve’s hands without looking at him. “Let’s get you into bed, Kotyonok.”

Bucky rested a hand on her shoulder, wobbling slightly. He slowly gave her a smile and nodded, allowing her to wrap her arm around his waist and guide him to the car. 

“Need to get some stuff from the other house Natty.”

“Okay, we’ll go.”

Steve stood back, watching her gingerly get him seat belted into the back before standing up to peer at Steve again, hips shifting just enough to block him from seeing Bucky entirely, defiant and shoulders taut. 

“Go home Steve.”

“You think he’ll be okay tomorrow to talk?”

“I don’t think it’s a good idea to talk to him right now.” 

Steve felt a twinge of pain in his chest, grimacing slightly, “Nat, I swear. I swear on my ma nothing _happened_. Nothing.” 

Natasha didn’t move, didn’t bat an eye, green eyes glaring at him and there was anger there, “I don’t know what you were doing. I don’t care one way or another if it was fake or on purpose.” She hesitated just a little, “I know over your own mother you wouldn’t but I won’t let you do this to him, pester him like this and maybe you didn’t do more but..that picture was enough.”

Steve was bumbling, trying to form words together, defend himself and even tell her he knew everything but nothing was coming back to him, his tongue sat still. 

Natasha kept herself poised and stoic as much as she could but her eyes, her gaze was saying _plenty_ to him, “If you care about him, you won’t call.”

She pushed him back so she could close the door and he let her, stepping away as his mouth sat open to speak but nothing came out. The door slammed shut and the cab took no hesitation to leave. 

Bucky stared unhappily at her and she forced a smile, touching his cheek, “You know what I promised you Kotyonok.”

Nodding to her, he only leaned in and she pulled him close with her arm around his shoulders, cradling her hand against his head.

Steve could barely make out their heads in the backseat, watching Bucky’s tilt and an arm wrapped around shoulders to pull him against her frame.

Left there standing, maybe he was innocent this time but after so many months of things coming to be because of their time together with the new knowledge of how Bucky felt all that time, he suddenly felt so very _guilty_.

*****

Before he really thought about it, Steve was at the front door of the brownstone and knocking on it in hopes Bucky was there. Clint was there instead, peeking his head out obviously expecting someone else when suddenly his face dropped the moment he saw it was him instead.

“What are you doing here?”

Steve sighed, feeling like every word Sam had instilled into him was weighing him down as his eyes watched Clint carefully, “Is he there?” 

All he wanted to do was see if Bucky was home, the slow deliberate way Clint moved and closed the door on him after moving a hand over his hair made him think he was going to have to prepare for something of a backlash. A minute later Clint came back, unlocking and opening the door with a hoodie pulled over his head and shoes on his feet. Lucky followed him outside and he locked the door again before shoving his hands into his front pockets, jogging down the steps. He stopped for a second, then looked over as if he was thinking of what to really properly say before he spoke. 

“No Bucky isn’t here yet and honestly I’m not entirely sure I would tell you if he was.” He finally let out softly, his face pensive but there was something in his blue eyes, just looking at him.

Steve sighed, stepping down the stairs to stand beside him, “Not you too Clint, come on. Nothing happened! I _swear_ , the picture is nothing but a fraction of a second before I pull away. Tony pulled me in to jokingly prove a point that we don’t have that anymore and someone probably just took a bunch of pictures and released the best one where I look like we’re making out. I swear to you that was it, I stayed overnight yeah but in a different room as him. We just got so drunk talking about us and my life, and his and Bucky too because Tony seems hellbent on trying to fix us together. Look, Bucky knows me. He knows I can be stubborn, even stupid but I’m not _this_ stupid, I would never mess up things like this. You know how I feel about him.” 

Clint could only look at him, an expression he wasn’t exactly sure of going over his face like he was mad but also confused and Steve wasn’t sure what to make of it. 

“Steve, I like you and maybe that’s my stupid mistake but, I do like you and you’re being a complete moron right now. Even if it’s a joke, how does that happen outside in the open? You know Tony has random people taking pictures because he’s a local celebrity. Don’t make me start about the fact that he’s more than that to the world because he’s a fucking technical genius! How would you have felt if Bucky did that to you huh? Felt someone was bad for you, got into a fight with that person all because of you and you have no respect towards him to even consider what he did as something important, that maybe you should stop and think about it possibly not even being right to sleep there for now especially not the first time you go meet up with him again after breaking up! They got in a fight Steve, it was that serious. Tony picked a fight with him because he got mad. He was jealous. Do you not get that in your head or something?”

Steve furrowed his brows, staring straight at Clint, one hand pressed against his hip, “I did think about it Clint! I never stop thinking about it and I know he’s upset and scared which is why I need to talk to him!”

Clint shook his head, his hands balled into fists at his side. Lucky made a small whimpered noise, sitting by his feet, pawing helplessly at the blond’s pant leg. 

“When one of my best friends could have gone to the hospital for head trauma and shred his arm open on top of fucking feeling like he was wrong for defending himself I really take that personally Steve. Bucky is a good person inside and out. He’s had some shitty things happen to him but we all made a choice as his friends, as his fucking _family_ that we would look out for him like he always did and still does for us. I won’t let you treat him like you can’t make appropriate decisions because even if you’re telling the truth, you still kissed him for one barely fraction of a second and two, you crashed there overnight. You already know he always worries about you and you seem to shrug it off. You don’t seem to care. If you want to keep doing what you’re doing you can go right ahead but don’t do it with Bucky around, he doesn’t deserve you..no, no my mistake, You don’t deserve him. I mean, I know I’m a fuck up, I actively point it out. You seem to fuck up and think you did nothing wrong. I don’t really get you sometimes but Buck, Bucky likes ya. He cares about you even when you make stupid choices.”

Steve knew Clint was angry and upset for Bucky, knew he was fighting for him and it made him feel worse that he caused this sort of rift over simple decisions and actions.

Clint shook his head, so much pent up emotion stored away in those eyes, clearly frustrated, “Nat said he begged, _begged_ Nick to work your job so you had more time to get over Tony, he was there for you man. There. For. You. Only you. He’s so selfless when it comes to making you happy and you don’t give a shit, you don’t. You just proved it by ignoring how delicate it is that he can’t be around Tony, how he doesn’t trust him, how he thought you two didn’t match. He was your friend til the end, he was there when you were crying, he was there when you were laughing, when you needed him he was there for you. You act like this is some colossal joke but they fought Steve, they freaking _fought_ about you! Bucky threw his punches so he didn’t break Tony’s face, _for you_! Buck may be sweet but if he fights, he will fight. I know, I’ve seen him break ribs and fingers, he’s choked guys out to get them to stop. He never wants to but if someone’s doing something bad he’s going to get in there and fight. He didn’t fight Tony. And yet Tony still managed to make him bleed like a stuck pig, all of that went in vain; the fighting, the time he put into helping you get over it, all that went to shit because you wanna get fucked or not get fucked, I don’t even know what to believe out of your mouth anymore. If he mattered to you, you would have made a better decision about the way you went to check on your ex-boyfriend!”

Steve only stared at him and Clint took in a breath while he just shook his head because he knew he was getting too worked up about all this, a hand trailing through golden fur as Lucky whined and pawed at Clint’s leg. 

“You should just go because no matter, innocent or not, you don’t _think_ about shit at all or how it might affect another person so just go away before Nat gets home because I know she doesn’t wanna see your face anymore right now, please Steve, just go.”

Saying nothing, Steve stared at angry piercing blue eyes, nose slightly flared and red from the cold, small fogs of air wafting from his lips. He didn’t bother hiding the absolute shock on his face, never thinking Clint would tell him to pretty much get lost and with venom laced in every word. 

“Clint..Clint I know.” He raised his hands up, stepping closer but not attempting to touch him as words tumbled out of his mouth before he was thinking, “ _I know_. Sam told me. I didn’t know, I wouldn’t have..Clint I didn’t have any idea. Believe me. I never meant to do anything to Bucky. I swear to God, I know I could have made it better, I know how things look and I know how he sees everything right now which is the reason why I need to talk to him and explain it to him. Bucky doesn’t know the truth, all he’s seeing is what he’s supposed to see by whatever pap or whoever that did that. I can’t even propose to imagine what he could be thinking but it’s not true, none of it is true.”

Clint stared at him, _really_ looked at him, shoulders pinched and chest steadily rising and falling. His face was strained, brows knit together, eyes dancing across Steve’s face to just look at him and understand what he was saying.

Steve gently lowered his hands, clasping them together in front of him hoping for some moment of grace, “Please believe me Clint, you know how much I love Bucky, I never knew he felt anything for me like that. I asked him if it was okay for me to go see Tony, I was aware of how much he didn’t feel comfortable being around him, but until Sam talked to me I didn’t know he was insecure about it too.”

Steve watched lips press thin and tight, his eyes flickered something like unhappiness, catching him off guard when Clint’s fist flew hard into Steve nose, stumbling backwards from the force seeing a blinding flash of white as he fell back against one of the thin sidewalk planted trees. He squeezed his eyes shut, feeling the warm trickle of blood run through his cupped hand and Lucky barking loudly.

“Fuck!” Clint cried out, throwing himself into a half spin in pain, clutching his hand against his chest, taking a few steps away as he winced. He stomped his foot a few times looking down at his reddened knuckles, giving it a small shake and looking to see if anything was broken.

“Fuck your stupid- ” He hissed out. “Your face is a wall! Goddamn it Steve. Ugh..!”

Steve righted himself off the tree, opening an eye to look at Clint before he tugged the end of his shirt to soak up the blood running from his nose. He raised a hand just in case Clint turned to hit him again, dabbing as he eased back and shook his head, “Shit Clint.” He winced and dropped his shirt, tenderly feeling the area, “You can really punch if you need to.” 

“Fuck you,” He let out over his shoulder, cradling his hand.

“I’m serious.”

“Yeah well your face is as thick as your head. Dammit, I need to get some ice..” 

Steve straightened himself out, softening a little as he warily approached him, “Can I see?” 

It was evident Clint was still upset, pulling his good hand to pat Lucky so the dog wasn’t crying anymore and to assure him, thinking it over before he held it out for Steve and made a noise when fingers lightly touched the tender area.

“Yeah, just ice it.” Steve muttered, forgetting everything a moment until he looked up and Clint was staring at him. “I swear Clint, I- ”

The blond raised his hand to stop him from talking, shaking his head at him, “I’m not going to apologize for what I said because he’s my best friend, he’s easily my brother. I won’t let anyone hurt him so take all that I said how ever you want because I mean it. I also know a thing or two about falling stupid for someone and not realizing that person may feel the same way as you do and when it’s all said and done, sometimes you’ll still look at them and wonder why they picked you.” He dropped his eyes to look at the sidewalk in thought before glancing back at him warily, “I’ll try to talk to Nat, no promises but I’ll try. You’re on your own with Brock though and I would definitely steer clear of him.”

A huge relief eased out of him, “Thank you Clint.”

They stood looking back at each other and breathing out puffs of warm air, fogging before their mouths as it drifted away into the sky.

Clint finally thumbed down a direction of the road, “You’d better go, she’s pissed at you right now. They went to get some stuff at Buck’s but if she sees you and me talkin’, she won’t hear me out so get lost Rogers.”

Steve bit his lip, he didn’t want to but he knew Clint was right, watching the blond fuss over his hand again before he nodded to him and went back to get on his bike, taking off down the road as quickly as humanly possible just in case they were already in the area.

*****

It wasn’t too much later when Natasha was helping a despondent Bucky out of the cab with the driver, Clint slouched on the stoop in a thick coat, his breath fogging over his head as he was letting the last remnants of ice melt along his sore knuckles and flicking away the water the moment they pulled up. Lucky rose up beside him and ran over to the cab, tail wagging away to the sight of Bucky.

He pulled himself off the step and came to replace the driver helping Bucky out, Natasha digging into her purse for a few bills with a smile, “Thank you.”

“No, thank you ma’am.” He gave them a small salute and took off.

Clint shouldered the weight, Lucky trailing along beside them and Natasha moved ahead to get the door open, “C’mon big guy, let’s get you inside somewhere warm.”

Bucky murmured something softly under his breath, his hand barely outstretched as his friend led him inside and put him down on the couch. “I don’t..” he began but waved his hands suddenly, dismissing everything. 

Natasha sat down beside him, softly stroking his hair and he tilted to the feeling, a whimper escaping him. She guided him onto his side, letting his head rest on her lap so she could brush his hair freely with her fingers, her other hand running along his arm. 

Lucky licked Bucky’s face, parking himself at Natasha’s feet while Clint sat on the coffee table across from them, two fists resting on his thighs.

“James..”

Bucky’s skull ached throbbing softly while the pain lingered, the image appearing over and over again, shattering the pieces of his heart into dust, “I’m an idiot. I’m such an idiot..I didn’t even get fully drunk to drown everything out. I fucked everything up! I’m not good enough, I never was- ”

“Hey. _Hey_.” Clint started up, anger crossing his features as he slid off the table and knelt down beside his dog, pain etched so deeply into his face as he wiped at Bucky’s tears, “You are always _good enough_. Always! You hear me?” 

Natasha hushed Bucky gently, her hand curling along his arm as she continued to massage it, “And you’re not an idiot Kotyonok, you never were. You did nothing wrong. I know it hurts, I know but it will be okay. We’re here, always for you. You’re very special, don’t forget that."

A strained look crossed Clint’s features, folding his arms over his chest to hold back to amount of shaking he felt his body emitting. He was upset, and maybe he would have been more upset if he believed Steve did something bad but he knew, out of anything. He just knew he wouldn’t have done that to Bucky but Bucky was still in pain and that was hard for Clint to deal with. He tightening his arms over his chest as his eyes met his girlfriend’s not sure what to entirely do.

Instead of countering or agreeing, Bucky only pressed his lips against Natasha’s thigh, struggling in his head, a soft splintered echo of agony crawling out of his throat before he burst out in tears, one hand pressing into his partially hidden away face as he clutched at the couch cushion with his other. 

Nat pressed a firm kiss against the back of his head and continued to brush her fingers through his hair, his legs curling up then straightening out again in some lost attempt at trying to find a comfortable position only to find every way too much to stay still in. He sputtered and coughed into her lap, a pained wail following after a measure of silence, his shoulders shaking as he cried harder with no rhyme or reason as to what pattern. He only wept freely on different levels that the both of them had heard before and they both hated. Neither of them talked him out of it, or added more advice or comforting words. Bucky needed to let it out and they would let him have that. If anything it would tire him out and he would end up getting some rest that he sorely needed especially after this.

*****

Parking his bike in the covered parking lot, Steve was forced to get back out on the main street to get into the building after finding the doors to the elevator stairwell locked because it was after hours. He didn’t much care, too frustrated as he palmed his keys and practically stormed to the front just wanting to get inside because all he could do was sit and fucking wait.

“Rogers.”

Steve raised his head from his keys only to feel glass shatter against the back of his head, a foot kicking at the back of his knee that sent him down onto it with a hard strike to the concrete, his hand immediately coming up to the back of his skull, gritting his teeth in surprise, “The fuck?!”

With a pained furrow of his brow, he raised his head to a fist connecting his cheek and blind angry pain shooting through his entire face as he fell back against the walkway with a loud grunt of surprise, his hand immediately letting go of his head to reach the spot on his face, slick from his skin splitting already. Another angled punch hit him square in the side of the nose the moment he tried to lift his head. 

His mind scrambled to operate, rolling away before he was hit again and pushing himself up with the help of the wall by the entryway. He heard footsteps coming up from behind, turning and heaving his body into his attacker the best he could trying to use his weight to throw them off but they only caught him easily and both bodies stumbled back and fell into the opposite wall with hard thuds, Steve’s knuckles skinning into the brick.

Keys jingled somewhere in the night air and fell behind him triggering panic through Steve not sure if it was someone trying to go inside or if there was a second attacker while he struggled to restrain the first guy.

“Brock what the hell are you doing?! You fuckin’ said you wanted to talk to him and get the truth!”

_Oh, fuck me._

A humored laugh jarred out of Rumlow, as they continued to struggle, “We are talkin’ Jackie, this is _my_ kinda talkin’.”

A quick sharp jab landed at Steve’s stomach, all the air expelling from him instantly and he managed to wind back one of his arms and blindly swing, easily connecting into Brock’s face. He heard a distressed noise by his ears before hands pushed into his shoulders and fisted around his shirt to pull him forward and yank him downwards. A knee connected with his liver sharply forcing Steve to drop to the floor and in seconds the winded feeling abruptly twisted his body into horrible discomfort. 

A kick landed to his side, hard and quick at the same place. Pure white blinding agony took over, scrambling to get up and fight back but the wave of vomit struck him before he could blink. He changed routes turning his head as he pawed himself to his knees, throwing up at the curbside, his body convulsing in pain and tremors. He had no idea what happened just a second ago, his arms shaking to pull himself back to up to his feet, the back of his hand trembling to wipe his mouth and the blood dripping from his nose, his side throbbing in pain. Another kick hit him hard in the back at his kidneys and he coughed out hard across the asphalt. He was fucked if he was going to end up pissing blood tonight.

There was a struggle behind him, hand shakily wiping his mouth as he tried pulling himself together.

“Fucking stop. _Stop it_! Buck ain’t gonna talk to you ever again if you keep on hitting him!”

“Bucky..” Steve groaned out turning their way, sliding a foot out as he attempted to stand back up, a wave of dizziness sweeping over him and instead he leaned forward on his propped forearms trying to will away the way his body felt like jelly over such simple hits.

The sound of a tongue clucking sympathetically caught his attention out to the side of him, black dirty military grade boots appearing in his line of sight when he looked, just out of reach. Brock came into view, squatting down and bending his head slightly to see his handy work on Steve’s face. At least Steve could feel a slight victory over the red welt around Rumlow’s eye. Retrieving his phone, Rumlow passed through the security and held up it up, the condemning evidence staring at him in the face. How the fuck did he find out so fast?

Rollins was there too, behind him and watching Brock with a silent regard. A broken beer bottle by his shoe and he assumed that's what Rumlow hit with him, Jack obviously not in for the beating but not stopping him entirely either.

“Now Rogers. What are we going to do with you? Hm? I feel like we don’t exactly have the same level of understanding here.”

He didn’t need this, he didn’t know how fast news got out. It was like a wildfire how quickly Natasha, Sam, Bucky, Clint, Tony, Rumlow _everyone_ got wind of it in a span of _minutes_ with the whole night of him getting the blame. He was so fucked he didn’t even know what to say. 

“It’s not what you think, I swear to God! I was saying goodbye, Tony just- it was a joke like we were making sure- ” Brock only stood, advancing towards him the moment Steve was pushing to sit on his knees, boot pressing into his shoulder to shove him off balance and Steve stumbled backwards on his ass, hand pressing to his side as he clenched his jaw, “Rumlow fucking _listen_ to me!”

Brock only approached him to the side, Steve’s hands going up as the male pointed to his phone, fingers passing over it to zoom in to faces holding it to show him, “That ain’t lookin’ like anythin’ but what I’m thinkin’. That ain’t no goodbye I ever gave an ex.”

Steve didn't want to look pathetic, not to Brock, but he had no choice when Rollins waited in the wings not sure his stance, hands pressing together and shaking them as another wave of nausea washed over him, “I swear Rumlow, I _swear_. Nothing else happened, just believe me. I never slept with him!” 

A boot hit his side again in the same place and he curled up on his side with a groan as he favored his left, liver flaring up and Steve could see it in his eyes that he was wasting his breath, pain trembling through him, stilling his words and dropping his head to look at the pavement he was sprawled against, wet and cool, drops of his blood blooming across the grainy surface. 

“That’s it.” He heard Rumlow coo above his head, “Buck’s always been my baby boy. He’s always been a _good_ kid. You ain’t deservin’ of the attention he gives you, you know that? All any of you shithead’s wanna do is break him because you all can’t stand bein’ around someone so fuckin’ amazin’. This kid deserves the whole fuckin’ world at his feet, you know that right?”

And of course Steve knew that, knew that for too long, short bursts of breath fogging against the ground inches from his face.

Brock gave Steve a small sympathetic smile when they met eyes again, “So, now that we have your attention I’m just curious. What exactly is this grand plan of yours with Buck because I just,” He glanced up in thought then looked back at him, “I just really don’t see it. Please humor a man, fill me in.”

Steve narrowed his eyes, glaring back at him, “Fuck you Rumlow.”

Brock smiled wide, almost like he was pleased, taking a hold of his chin, fingers digging in hard to keep him in place studying his features absently nodding to him, “Good. That’s exactly what I’ve been wantin’ to hear and just so you know, this ain’t personal Cap. Actually, it’s infinitely more than personal.”

Steve narrowed his eyes at him, pulling his head away from his hand and pushing himself off the pavement to sit up on his knees even if his body cried out in pain over it, the wave of nausea lingering through him and legs refusing to budge. He forced himself to swallow down the rising bile while attempting to get up to his feet because all he wanted to do was attack Brock and wipe the sneer right off his damn face. On the other hand, it would have been unwise to fight him aside from the fact that Jack was there, he didn’t want another thing for Bucky to be upset over.

Steve sat up on his knees staring defiantly at Rumlow, nose bleeding down his shirt. The challenge only seemed to rile Brock up, stepping forward to oblige him before Jack was shoving his friend roughly away and against the wall from Steve, hand pushing into his chest and he leaning forward inches from his face. “ _Enough_.”

Brock only pushed forward but Jack pressed back, clenching his jaw, ready and prepared to get into something with him, “Whadda ya mean _enough_? I wanna fuck him up Jackie or were you fuckin’ ignoring what he did to Buck?!”

It hurt to move, Steve trying to gather himself off the pavement only to feel pain flaring up at his middle, face on fire and breathing in wetly through his nose in short pants, icy air freezing in lungs that felt like they were punctured like before. He tried to follow Rumlow and Rollins’ conversation only to find them talking in hush whispers, his ears ringing vaguely and he couldn’t be bothered to feel upset about not knowing what they were saying for now. 

He saw Jack struggle with Brock, a second hand pressing into the opposite shoulder and pushing with his weight before Steve had to let his eyes close for a few seconds. He managed to sit slumped against the wall, arm wrapped around his middle trying to gauge how bad his liver was though he was sure Jack saved him from any real damage.

Finally Brock only nodded, going slack under Jack’s hands and Jack hesitantly pulled back, Brock raising hands as a gesture that he was harmless even though he had to pass Steve and stormed at him to kick him hard in the thigh before he walked off most likely back towards his car. “Piece of shit!” 

Staring at the ground a few seconds, he huffed lightly, glancing up windily, “Thanks Jack.”

Jack shook his head, “Ain’t doing any of this for you, this is your grace Steve. Your one grace. If he sees you he’s going to tear you apart, I’m not kidding. Stay away from Brock or any vicinity of him, I’m doin’ you a damn favor. You saved Buck once, it’s the only reason I stepped in but I can’t always be there- ”

Why didn’t anyone _believe_ him?! 

“I _never_ did anything with him Jack. I know it looks bad but we didn’t do anything, I would never _ever_ do that to Buck. Tony’s old news, you have to tell Bucky that, you have to tell him there was nothing else.” He pressed his hands together, praying because it was all he had left, “Jack _please_ believe me, I can see you want to believe me, you’re smart. Would I do this to him?”

The steely look Jack was giving him faltered slightly, lips pressing firmly together as he watched him, something in his eyes sympathetic and sad before he stepped back, an ambulance siren screaming somewhere close by. He looked around before eyes returned back to Steve, frowning a bit, “Maybe before the picture but,” He shook his head, “Buck’s my family. Ain’t nothing’s gonna change that so if you’re telling the truth, I sure hope Buck believes ya before you run into Brock again.”

Rollins turned back towards the sounds of emergency vehicles getting closer, giving Steve one last look before he turned and walked away.

*****

Clint made a small effort to stand when the front door opened, they weren’t expecting anyone but he didn’t want to leave Bucky even if it was for a moment, Brock and Jack coming into view with stone faces, the latter closing the door and locking it. He gave them both a small nod as they entered the living room, letting himself sit back down on the coffee table. Bucky was still weeping against Natasha’s thighs on and off, not even acknowledging the pair.

Natasha looked up at the both of them with a light smile, Brock’s face immediately betraying him as his eyes went glassy. Paternal instinct immediately kicking in as he moved to sit where Bucky’s feet were at. The moment his hands came in contact with him though, Bucky lifted his face slightly and tried to move, limbs heavy and cumbersome. Brock didn’t need a prompt, strong arms moving around behind Bucky’s knees and slipping around his partially turned torso to gather him up into his lap, “I got you Baby.”

Lucky hopped himself up in the space Bucky left, curling up beside Brock, paws pressed to the man’s thigh as he watched Bucky cry louder, legs draping off Brock’s lap, arms wrapping around Rumlow’s neck as he pressed his face against his shoulder.

Brock crushed him tightly to his body, a firm thick calloused hand stroking up and down his back with furrowed angry brows and that was when Natasha noticed the bruising along his knuckles, her green eyes glancing over to Jack standing tall and steel beside the couch with his hands tucked behind his back but he looked back a little pensive and a little guilty, a glint of unspoken truth in his eyes and light spots of blood sat stained at the end of his dress shirt. 

She looked back to Brock, her features schooled into a steady curious expression, “What did you both do?”

Brock looked at Bucky, still crying but it had died down into little small wet hiccups and sniveling knowing exhaustion was kicking in though he made no indication he had heard Nat. He pressed a kiss into Bucky’s hair, a promise that he always kept to him, glaring at Jack over his bowed head because he was still mad he was stopped.

“Not enough.”

*****

It wasn’t until Bucky was sitting on the edge of his bed with his hands folded in his lap that he really did anything to address he was still here on some level. Brock stayed downstairs to talk to Natasha while Jack had to keep a strong hold of him as they went upstairs, fingers dragging along the banister rail but his legs didn’t want to work as he contemplated just staying on the stairs. He just wanted to let everything go and to stop moving, he didn't care. Jack kept him upright and guided him to the bedroom, absently pointing at which drawer had clothes when he was asked and feeling cold.

Lucky sat beside him and stared up, resting his head on one thigh. Bucky just couldn’t find it in himself to lift his hand, glancing to the side when Jack rested some clothes beside him.

“Here’s some sweats so you can change, gotta figure out what I can- ”

Bucky fell back against the bed, curling up on his side feeling exhausted. He closed his eyes, feeling the frustrated burn of unshed tears sitting there behind them as he tried breathing normally while a ball of pain firmly sat nestled in his stomach. He forced short sharp breaths through his nose as he tried to push back all the misery and regret. He wasn’t sure if this torment was going to go away, or if he could make it go away. He knew one sure way to dull it maybe but he knew it would only make it worse later and it was already too much. He just wanted everything okay and erase the day away and for- 

“Hey, Buck. Hey come on. Just relax.” 

The bed shifted to the weight of Jack sitting beside beside him, a hand brushing back hair before he felt himself being pulled up against Rollins’ side and held there. Gentle fingers closed around his own hand and he lifted it, pressing against the wide expanse of his friend's chest where Bucky could feel the slow steady rhythm of his heart.

Opening his eyes a little, Bucky dropped the side of his head against Jack’s shoulder and stared at the way his jaw was clenched tight just now realizing how he was gasping for breath, lungs burning from lack of air.

“Putting yourself into a panic..” Jack murmured lowly, voice calm and gentle, “There you go, just like that. Just breathe deep.” 

“Jack- ” It was the only thing he could blurt out before he was suddenly tearing away from him and breaking out into a run through the hall and into the bathroom, falling hard onto his knees by the toilet but nothing came up; no vomit, no tears, nothing. He only stared at the water and just felt empty, and stupid, and _furious_. 

Jack followed after him a few minutes later, a water bottle in hand and a small pill box he had on his bookshelf in case his full bottle wasn’t around and sat next to him, long legs cramped up in the small space but he managed, leaning his back against the wall.

“We need to get you some rest Kid, making yourself sick.” 

“M’sorry.”

“You’re good, you’re better than good. Don’t let no one tell you otherwise Buck.”

Extending his hand, Bucky took the plastic case and snapped open the top, taking one pill and then the water. Jack quietly put both items onto the counter and pulled him close. The pain was still there, in the pit of Bucky’s stomach, but he was breathing through it all now, easier with his friend there talking him through it. He dropped his head against Rollins’ shoulder and let his eyes close. Maybe it wasn’t the same as when Steve was there for him, but this was good too, friends that he could rely on. It was all he really had and Bucky had to remember that.

*****

Natasha’s suspicions were confirmed in the morning when Sam called, his voice calm but she could hear the way he was trying hard not to sound accusatory or angry, she didn’t blame him.

“So, someone called the cops in the early morning because in front of Steve's building there was an unidentified man that was giving Steve a few shots and yelling at him. When Steve called me, he was already done with the doctors and even though they said he was fine and that he should go home, they did add that the mystery assailant could have easily ruptured something if that was their aim but they didn’t. Said the person was only focused on debilitating him but wasn’t sure about their end game if there was one. Assumed it was a warning. He did add they were precise, like they were learned and practiced in it not like a common run of the mill fist fight he usually comes into contact with.”

Sucking in a breath, Sam continued, “Odd thing about it though is that when I brought it up, he doesn’t want to press charges and I wasn’t sure about Brock being the warning type, maybe once but not on repeat, you know? Unless someone asked him. Steve’s responsive, wants to be a stubborn moron and just go home like nothing’s wrong. He said he told the cops he couldn’t see his face but then he did tell me it was Brock which only makes me wonder if Steve should be looking over his shoulder while out in public now.”

Natasha contemplated keeping an air of mystery to her but in the end decided that Sam only wanted to check if he had something to worry about. She let Clint sleep in as she climbed out of bed to soundlessly move through the small hallway and peek into the half open door to Bucky’s room, Lucky laid out at the foot of the bed. Brock slept at one end on his back, his arm wrapped possessively over Bucky who was partially draped over him. Jack took the other side, asleep on his side facing the pair, dead to the world. 

“Natasha?”

She made a low sharp sound into the phone, taking the stairs down and to the kitchen starting up morning coffee, “I was checking on James and I’m sorry Sam, but I think Jack was a deterrent if you want the honest truth. You’re right about his warnings, he wouldn’t have held back and if he did, Jack asked him to but no one sent them out to get revenge for hurting James.”

A soft sound that seemed like relief escaped him and Natasha could only smile at it because she could wholly understand the feeling.

“I figured, well I _hoped_ I figured correctly, you know? I just, I was worried for a good minute on it. I know Brock’s some poetic personification of Bucky’s pain and fury and boy now I can really see that he does have a real mean streak when Bucky gets hurt..” He drew in a breath, “I, look I just had to ask. I like you all but Steve. It’s _Steve_. He’s my boy, my _brother_. I gotta have his back if you guys planned to get him jumped. He may seem like he did something really terrible but I swear he didn’t. God’s honest truth Natasha, he never slept with Tony again. If anyone can explain that to Bucky without it getting worse, it’s you. I know it won’t save the heartache, I know you’re all angry for him and that Barnes has that picture burned in his mind but I swear to you over my grandmomma’s grave and that look on Steve’s face, he didn’t do anything more than that image and it wasn’t even a kiss. Tony just pulled him in, split second, a stupid joke. I know it may not make things better but he’s telling the truth. He’d never lie to me about something like that, he’ll keep things he may not think I would understand but he wouldn’t lie if I asked him for the truth Nat.” 

She nodded as he was speaking, measuring out the coffee grounds into the small basket, “I know Sam, I know. He came to me and said the same thing but I was so angry I couldn’t be bothered listening to him especially when I saw James. I will always ignore everything to make sure he’s taken care of because no one really did besides Imogen and to a lesser extent Charles before that. And I spoke to Clint, afterwards when everything was quieter and Jack convinced Bucky to lay down with him and Brock so he could try to get some rest. Steve came to the brownstone and Clint was telling him to leave but he told him the same thing. Clint was inclined to believe him..he also told me Steve knew about James’ feelings..”

A soft sound of embarrassment slipped away from Sam, chuckling lowly, “Shoot, yeah. I apologize about that Natasha, but I had to. He just wasn’t _getting_ it and he couldn’t grasp the reasons behind why Bucky would be so upset, why _we_ were all upset at him because trust me I was ready to lecture the crap out of him with worse ideas at how stupid he was or how he looked to be.”

Silence followed and Natasha drew in a soft breath, “You’re a good friend to him and to me, to all of us. I have the same feeling about the situation but you’re right, it’s much more than that to James. He can’t just turn off a feeling of betrayal, and he does feel betrayed and stupid for believing in having happiness. He won’t just let it go, but I also know he can’t be without Steve, he cares too much about him. As much as it seems genuine that Steve was setup in the loosest of terms, our first priority is always James. You should keep him away from approaching him here, maybe the gym too because Brock, like you said, has an alternative agenda when it comes to someone hurting him. Like the hospital, his house, the parking lot or any time he feels James is in some situation that may seem like it will hurt him or is hurting him, Brock will take him out of it in the best way he can. He's not afraid of incorporating violence because it's just ingrained that it works the best to get to his point.”

“Right, I get you. Brock’s seen the damage once and he’s not waiting for a second act.”

“Very much so. Steve may need to let the anger run its course, James is terrible with his feelings. Sometimes he can’t control them how he wants to. Since Steve knows, he can probably take the impact of this so it may be better in the long run for them both. He’s good at calming James down, easing him out of his neurosis’. He has been ever since he came back. I just want him happy, it’s all I’ve ever wanted for him.”

There was a slight pause between them before Sam made an affirmed noise of agreement, “Alright, I’ll talk to Steve. Remind him how important it is not to push, he knows that though. I know he’s said there were a few times where he’s wanted to tell Bucky about his feelings but knew he shouldn’t because the time had never been right. The last thing he’d want to do is tell Barnes that he knows how he feels about him. With everything he seems to be trying to process especially after what happened at the club, that stupid idiotic postcard and all this pointless panic he most likely won’t react well to it. Just, let me warn you. He's probably going to keep trying to get his attention, he may not tell him he knows, but that Steve he's a little _driven_ to have Bucky believe him. Just keep everyone aside from Brock, on their toes that he may show up somewhere out of the blue trying to talk to him. As much as Barnes needs him, he needs Barnes and he's real stupid about him.”

Smiling lightly, Natasha drew out a carton of eggs and some butter, “I’m going to let you go for now, the boys will be up soon looking for food but, you’re still welcome to Sunday dinner just in case you think you aren’t.”

Chuckling, Sam grinned, “I kind of wasn’t sure. Guilty by association and all that but sure, if nothing’s happening I’ll make sure to visit. Thank you.”

“Have a good day Sam.”

“You too Nat.”

*****

Steve woke up thankfully in his own bed and it wasn’t that he hated hospitals, he just preferred not to be in them, mind hazy for a few seconds before he was remembering what happened in the early morning and a hand automatically pressed along his side. After he was taken to the hospital and found all the doctor could really tell him was to go home and monitor himself he called Sam who came as quickly as he could with a permanent frown on his face.

“It’s fine Sam.”

“The hell it is.” 

But he didn’t lecture him, which Steve was thankful for, they only went back home and despite the pain Steve was so exhausted he was out minutes after his body hit the bed not even sure if Sam was setting up to stay or leave. 

Right now though his side was on fire, the emergency doctor telling him it would be inflamed and he shouldn’t be surprised if it would stay that way for a few days. As long as he could operate without feeling worse and to rest as much as he could, he would be fine and to watch out for symptoms of internal bleeding, that and peeing blood because Brock was efficient apparently when he wanted Steve to suffer with a _warning_. Again, thank you Jack.

A throbbing ache rippled through him as he pushed himself up to sit, groaning in discomfort staring out at the sunlight streaming through the blinds and deceptively telling him it was warm out when he knew better. He turned his head to the doorway as rapid footsteps echoed in the hall and Sam appeared with a smile.

“Hey Sam.”

“Hey, how’re you doing?” His friend moved to sit beside him at the edge of the bed, handing him a bottle of water and some pills, “You sound like you need these.”

“My Godsend, thank you.”

Sam watched him with careful consideration and a slight color of worry. Steve reached over to press a hand over his, “I’m okay, just some bed rest that’s all. Don’t look at me like that.”

“He could have really hurt you Steve, _they_ could have really hurt you.”

Taking another sip, the blond winced at the bottle hitting his stinging split lip, “And he didn’t. He wasn’t there to beat me into unconsciousness, he was there to make sure he got his point across.”

“Are you sure? You said Jack had to pull him off. Do you even know what that warning was..?”

A huff escaped Steve, “You know what it was.”

Sam squeezed his hand lightly, “I hate being right.”

“You did say I deserve this.”

The brunette’s mouth dropped open in protest, the gears in his head running to process when he actually said that, frowning at him, “I _did not_ mean it like this Steve. I meant spending time away from Bucky, giving him some space not one of his friends crippling you by punching you in your soft spots.”

Hands returned to his lap, Steve dropping his head forward, “Not like I didn’t deserve this.” He raised his head giving Sam a half smile, “I broke his heart Sam. Maybe Brock didn’t say it in so many words but his actions were loud and clear. He knew too, didn’t he? About how Bucky felt about me. His eyes wanted to do more, I’m not sure if Rollins being there was a good thing or not probably though, I mean it was but I want to think he wouldn’t have come out to break bones. I hope.”

“You know this guy owns a gun right? Need I keep reminding you of that fact? Maybe you should cut your losses and get out of dodge.”

It was supposed to be joke but Sam wasn’t smiling as wide as he hoped and the words sat between them too heavy.

“I’ll be _fine_ Sam. I am a hundred percent, no five hundred percent sure if Bucky wanted Brock to kill me, Brock would do it without thinking. Those two run deep.” He was trying to make a point but since his example was hitting too close, his best friend wasn’t smiling at all anymore and Steve dropped his head to look at his hands, “I’m sorry. I just don’t know what else to say. This is a mess, they all want me to stay away from him and I didn’t even do anything wrong. I get it, I do. Hell his parents look at him the wrong way and it makes me want to take Bucky away from them while he’s still looking at them with so much damn devotion. _I_ don’t get that, what he’s thinking but I get how they’re reacting to thinking I hurt him because I ‘kissed’ Tony.”

Sam patted his hand, “Give them a few days, let them figure it out. They’re going by Bucky’s emotions and that pretty much cancels all rationality from them. It’s a safe bet that they don’t care what you had to say or prove if he’s hurt.”

Tears welled up in Steve’s eyes, spilling down his cheeks, inhaling deeply as he closed his hands into fists, “It’s like whoever did this just wanted him to suffer, if they knew how he felt and..and I don’t _get it_.”

Sam’s face pinched together, looking off, “Steve, you sure you didn’t see Grant around?”

“Wha- ?” He sniffled, brushing his thumb across his face as he blinked away tears hanging off lashes and he froze, “What. No, oh my God I never did but what if he.. _oh_. I’m going to find that bastard and kill him then send Rumlow his way and get him to kill him again!”

“Steve..”

Practically climbing out of bed, Sam had to push him back down into the blankets.

“No, Sam no. That’s messed up! Starting fights whatever, he wants to get his ass kicked from here to kingdom come because he’s a mouthy bastard fine but you don’t do that, you- _what was that about_?! Is he that screwed up in the head? I don’t understand Sam! I don’t! First the postcard and then _this_? What is wrong with him?!” Steve spat out, trembling as tears of harbored rage spilled over.

“Steve, you need to calm down, you’re supposed to be taking it _easy_.”

“He or someone else he knows just _ruined_ Bucky, you’re telling me all this time Bucky’s been looking at me like I fucking mean something to him,” His voice wobbled and broke, dropping his tone as a hand pressed to his face, “This piece of shit did it, and for what? Because his stupid friend is missing? He thinks Bucky knows something?!”

Steve looked up at the ceiling panting and gasping for air in frustration, his side burned and he just wanted _out_ of this nightmare. “These people are fucked up. What, I can’t even..Jesus Christ.”

“Look, we don’t know it was him- ”

“ - _Of course_ it was him or an associate of the Judge’s! No one else would do that to Bucky.”

A hand pressed against Steve’s, Sam staring at him coolly, “It doesn’t matter. You can’t go all law and beat up a man for harassing the guy you have feelings for. It might work for Brock but it’ll catch up with him, I don’t want you getting arrested and I _will_ drop everything and shadow the hell outta you if you think for one second you’re gonna lie to me and go off like some Bronson movie and take revenge. Leave it alone Steve, I’ll talk to Natasha about it alright? Promise me.”

Deflating a little, Steve sighed lightly and nodded, “I promise. No Death Wish.”

“Promise on your ma.”

“Sam, come on..”

“Steve Grant Rogers if I have to- ”

“Fine! I swear on ma I won’t go hunt down asshole Grant Ward and beat him to a pulp because he thinks it’s fucking hilarious to hurt Bucky. Are you happy now?”

Still eyeing him suspiciously, Sam gave him a curt nod, “For now.”

*****

Bucky muddled about in Clint’s thick oversized fluffy cotton blue bathrobe, a wrinkled grey t-shirt and black sweats underneath them with some two pairs of white socks because he felt cold. No one else was home except for Natasha who he found in the kitchen.

“Are you hungry?” 

Bottom lip went up slightly in his permanent frown and he shook his head, turning into the living room and surprised to see Lucky _and_ Nanook on the couch waiting patiently for him. 

“Was Steve here?”

Not looking up, Natasha spooned in a little bit of honey to some black tea, a pang of something hitting her in the chest over the hope still laced in his voice. She had finally told him earlier, a few hours after the call from Sam, when he was first awake about her suspicions on the photo and what Steve had been saying about it. What Clint felt after he had already left for work and even about punching him in the face which was really the only time Bucky seemed to react to anything she was saying. His brows going up in minor surprise before his expression returned to a look of thoughtfulness even if he was unhappy. She wasn’t sure about telling him about what Brock did so she kept that aside, instead focusing on pointing out that she felt she believed Steve’s story but that he had the right to be upset if that was how he felt. He didn’t do or say much to it, only asking to have some time to himself.

She stirred the spoon around gently before she brought it over for him as he sat and pulled the blanket over his lap, “No, Sam brought him over.” 

Staring at Bucky, she contemplated telling him about Steve’s trip to the emergency room because she knew the moment he found out later he would become agitated and upset that it was kept from him if she chose not to. Moving to sit at the corner of the couch she pulled him in, loosely wrapping her legs around his waist from behind and pressing against his back, resting her chin against his shoulder as she hugged him close. She adjusted the blanket feeling him settle against her, hands warming from the cup of tea as she lightly patted his stomach. 

“I need to tell you something.” She felt him tense against her and a kiss pressed against his cheek, “No one’s dead.”

He eased a little but not by much, carefully taking a sip of his tea, “What then?”

“Brock went to see Steve last night, Jack went with him..”

Breathing out heavily, Bucky dropped his head forward, “Oh Jesus. I have to- I just..” He turned his head to the side to look at her, “How bad..?”

Her hand rubbed his stomach soothingly, giving it a small pat, “He’s okay. Sam called me and let me know. He has some bumps and bruises and I think Brock was just trying to make a point even though I have a feeling some of it was cut short because Jack stopped him.”

Bucky shook his head, dropping his eyes to the blanket, “Tasha I’ve _seen_ him prove a point by crushing a man’s hand for offering me drugs, he’s not good with being subtle are you sure Sam- ”

Natasha was nodding before he finished, “Yes. Sam knows. He was worried for Steve’s sake. Liver shots mostly and hits to the face. He was released a few hours after a doctor ran some tests. They said all he can do is take it easy for a week and make sure he’s not peeing blood. And before you even think about it, don’t you dare consider going to go see him.”

His eyes sharply shot up to look at her and green emerald eyes stared back at him challengingly waiting for him to deny the claim even though she was right and Bucky did want to because his heart didn’t know better, broken and betrayed but still beating for Steve. He sucked in a ragged tired breath, shifting against her and sliding down just enough so he could rest the back of his head against her shoulder, his toes wiggling between Nanook’s paws as the dog tried to keep them from moving, teeth lightly biting at them.

"I can't control him."

"It's not your job to, but you know how he feels. After Alex he just- "

Bucky nodded, "After Jack and me, Alex was his favorite person and look what the hell happened there." Bitterness creeping into every pointed word.

"Shh," Natasha softly pressed a kiss against his temple, "Steve isn't going anywhere soon. He's as stubborn as Brock is. They'll learn to get along someday, you'll be the one to do it."

He tilted his head back a little in thought, "You think so?"

"I know so."


	31. Anything, for you.  Anything you want.  I’ll give it to you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings:  
> \- Panic attack  
> \- Winterstorm  
> \- Fighting
> 
> I was listening to Alt-J's Adeline waaayyy too much. TOO MUCH.

**Late January 2016**  
  


Brock raised his head to the sound of the front door slamming closed and angry footsteps coming up the stairs. He glanced over at Jack slowly sitting up, gaze meeting Rumlow’s eyes, “Yer kid’s home.”

“He’s not my kid, he’s more your kid.”

“Are we really goin’ for apples and oranges right now?”

Bucky reached the top, his face red, “You! And to a lesser extent,” He pointed at Jack, “You! Who the fuck told either one of you to go visit Steve huh?”

Jack shrugged thumbing at his best friend looking from Brock to Bucky, “I was just hangin’ out with him.”

Brock reclined against the back of the couch, “No one told us to do anythin’. I happened to find out with some stroke of luck seein’ as _you_ wouldn’t have told me he fucked up. Decided to go pay ‘im a visit before comin’ to see if you were okay. I told you didn’t I? You knew exactly how I felt about him and he hurt you like I’ve been warnin’ ya about.”

Jack pointed at Brock, a humored smirk across his face, “You do always tell him. Buck you shouldn’t be surprised.”

Bucky sighed, “I’m not. I’m not fucking surprised you two thought it was the greatest idea to jump Steve together!”

“We never really jumped him together per say..” Jack let out thoughtfully, mildly humored, “Technically it was always one versus one, we never ganged up on him, that’s a pretty asshole move.”

Brock nodded back in agreement, tucking his hands behind his head, “I said hi too didn’t I? Said Rogers before anything happened.”

“You did.”

“Fuck you both.” Bucky spat out, annoyed. He pressed his hands to his hips, glaring at the floor.

Rollins could only shrug helplessly, “Buck, we’re just joking. He’s not dead, be happy about that. Brock only went to say hello, hash out a few things. It was simple and then- ”

Bucky’s darkened grey eyes widened, glaring at Rollins, “Simple?! Are you fucking telling me you both went out there to say hi and Steve accidently ran into fists and boots and he may end up pissing blood? He fucking puked because Brock I’m sure it was an accident your fucking fist nailed him in the liver _then_ you hit the guy in the kidneys, was that all part of this “simple” you guys got going on? You’re a boxer Brock and you fucking punched him in targeted areas to drop him. _Rummy_ , I ain’t buying it!”

Rollins smiled, “It’s a perfect spot though. I mean whatever shit he was doing, he deserves some of it.”

Rumlow gestured a hand at his best friend, “I know right? Just one hit and your day can get really fucked.”

Bucky frowned, “Guys..”

“Okay so the talkin’ got a little rough.” 

Rollins laughed out softly, grabbing a cigarette to light up tossing the pack over to Brock, “Okay calm your ass down and _listen_. Yeah Brock kicked and punched him a little but just a little, I talked him out of doing a lot more damage, alright?”

A heavy sigh escaped Bucky trying to sort out this whole conversation. He paced slightly back and forth, his hands shrugging helplessly as he looked from them, to the floor, to the ceiling not knowing exactly what to do. He knew he could say his peace but Brock did as he pleased and Bucky knew it was because of him and maybe Jack that Steve decided on not pressing charges on him. 

He finally stopped pacing, looking at the pair of them solemnly, “Do my feelings not matter to you Rums?”

Brock smiled, running a hand casually through his mess of black hair, “Oh you know they do Kiddo. The second I found out he hurt my Baby Boy though, I went to make sure he was hurt. I made that very clear to you and to him.”

Jack nodded, “I like Steve, I can admit that sloneczko, but I mean what happens is gonna happen. I can’t watch this idiot all the time.”

“Oh, now I’m the idiot?”

Jack nodded, blowing out some smoke.

“Steve isn’t like that. Someone took that picture to make him look bad.”

Brock raised his brows, taking a drag of his cigarette before tilting his head to the side and blowing it out, “So kissing his ex isn’t a problem for you?”

Avoiding his eyes, Bucky glanced past him pressing his lips together.

He smirked the moment Bucky faltered, side glancing over at Jack, “Check 'im out, you can tell by just the look on his face, it’s a _huge_ problem. He’s just tryin’ to pretend he’s not appreciatin’ my handiwork.”

Bucky rolled his eyes, “I’m _not_. Steve is laying in bed sore, you’re lucky he’ll recover in a couple of days but he has to miss a day of work then be careful when he goes back so he doesn’t make it worse, that’s not fair to him.”

Rumlow’s easy smile faded away, his face darkening slightly, gaze narrowing, “What’s not fair is that he was let off with a very easy warning. Those shots weren’t that big a deal. You know I could do worse. A _hell_ of a lot worse. Rawls was his guardian angel in disguise, he was fuckin’ _lucky_. What pisses me off is that you let him weave these ideas into your head that he matters. It stands to reason, if he wants to be with you then why the hell is he kissing Stark again?”

Sighing out, Bucky clasped his hand around his opposite wrist, holding it tightly in front of him, “He was set up, Nat and Clint believe he was. If they believe it, I do too but I need to adjust to understanding everything. Can you just stop being my guard dog for once. We have to sort it out without you trying to break him from the inside out.” He sighed softly, pleading at him with his eyes, “I love you Brock I do, but you can’t be on the look out to kick his ass anymore. Please.”

Shaking his head, Rumlow smiled. It was all teeth and too wide, “Buck, I promised you I would never let anyone hurt you again. I don’t break my promises. You say you believe those two but your face is saying you don’t believe him.”

Swallowing nervously, Bucky finally sat down on the armchair across from Brock, “It’s not that I don’t want to I just..”

Jack flicked his ashes in the tray, “You’re scared to.”

Turning his head to glare at Rollins, Brock clenched his jaw, “You traitor, you believe him too don’t you?!”

Glaring just as heatedly, Jack frowned with it, “Don’t _ever_ call me a traitor! Look, he adores Buck. I don’t see Rogers being that way, have to give him a chance to be right and that he was telling the truth.”

“He was _caught_! That’s the damn truth Rollins! Ain’t no one gonna fess up if they can just say it was some setup then be smarter about it afterward so it doesn’t happen again. It’s what all fuckin’ low life cheats say. He’s got you under his spell too, _Jesus_.”

Rollins only looked resentful of the mere idea that he could be coaxed into believing something that was an obvious lie when he felt Steve was being truthful to him. He pulled himself up, stalking across the living room and grabbing up his jacket, “Tired of your bullshit today, Buck let’s go.”

Bucky looked towards Brock wanting him to say something but Rumlow only scowled out the window stubbornly, carrying on smoking his cigarette. He knew it wasn’t just this getting to Jack and quietly pulled himself up and followed after him outside, climbing into the passenger and doing up his seat belt. “I’m sorry..”

Jack checked his mirrors and reversed out of the driveway, “For what?”

“For making you fight with him.”

Jack didn’t look his way, eyes on the road, “You didn’t. He’s making a mountain out of a molehill. I was having fun pretending we messed him up, he doesn’t wanna pretend. He’s gonna get himself fucking arrested, I’m telling you because he’s fucking stupid about this. I just..I can’t. Not right now when I feel how I feel, it just adds this angry pressure on me like I’m being pushed aside for actually feeling like Rogers did nothing wrong, he’s an idiot but I don’t think anything was intentional.”

“You think so?”

The hopeful rise in Bucky’s soft voice made Jack pause, easing behind a car at a red light before he turned and rested a hand on his friend’s own, “I do. I don’t think he’s that stupid and you know how out there Stark can be, even I’ve seen some of those interviews on TV. He could kiss anyone like it’s a party and no one should be surprised.”

Bucky drew in an audible breath, turning to look out of his passenger side window, “He’s gonna go snort some blow because we left him Jackie..”

Jack looked back ahead, leveling out his own breathing as he watched the light turn green, “I know Kiddo, but we can’t save him if he doesn’t wanna be saved. We both keep trying but sometimes we have to let him make his own decisions. It’s hard sometimes too, you know?”

“What do you mean?”

“Spending time with him. Sometimes I think it’s easier to just go back. To share that with him instead of dealing with it like it’s something I have to work around.”

Bucky turned to stare at him, “You’re better like this Jack, it’s nicer seeing you around instead of hiding because you don’t want to accidently mess something up or hurt someone when you get high. You attend your meetings, you’re taking care of yourself and I’m proud of you for working on it. Now, if Brock’s encouraging you to snort that shit up I’m gonna go kick his ass.”

A small laugh startled out of Rollins, “He’s _not_. He knows better than that. He just tiptoes around me like I’m fragile and it’s stupid..feels like back when I was trying to recover from that explosion and he was there all the time. He didn’t know what to do and acted like I might croak if he looked away.”

Sighing, Bucky stared at him, “That’s because he was. We all were Jackie, you _know_ this. You almost died and we would have never been able to say anything to you ever again but you survived and we got you back the earliest we could. Brock was beside himself, I don’t know if he would have ever stayed the same if we lost you. There’s something about you two, and ignore all that Hallmark soulmates bullshit. You two are just,” He stared up at the car ceiling like it would give him the answer, pressing the tip of his tongue at the roof of his mouth, “You two are made for each other. Like two pieces and it’s not bullshit so don’t start that with me. You compliment him and he compliments you. It’s nice.”

“How is that not soulmate talk?”

“Because I don’t really believe in that shit, I like reading it but no one has a soulmate that’s just dumb except maybe for you and Brock. You two are just different.”

Rolling his eyes, Jack sat in the left turn lane giving him a frown, “Sloneczko, you can’t say you don’t believe in something and then say you think someone else is for what you don’t believe in. That doesn’t bode well for your predictions.”

“You shut up and believe me when I say nice things!” Bucky lectured, face going into a full pout.

Jack blindly groped for the brunette’s side, tickling him a moment before his hand was slapped away. He grinned at the road, “Keep pouting, I’ll keep tickling you.”

“I’ll stop when you listen to me!” He nudged Jack’s hand further away from him.

“Fine fine, I believe you. We’re soulmates, thank you.”

Bucky punched his arm and got comfortable, resting his head against the window to stare outside, “You’re an ass.”

Rollins chuckled, “Yeah I tend to be. I compliment Brock, remember.”

“Shush you.”

When they got back to Natasha’s, after stopping at a grocery store, Clint was home and giving them a smile as he was popping in a couple of frozen pizza’s and Natasha had left for her shift. Jack parked himself on the couch with the dogs and Bucky thumbed at the bathroom upstairs. 

He didn’t know entirely how he was but quickly the sensation of _lousiness_ kicked in and he just wanted some time away from comforting smiles and eyes studying him to make sure he was fine. Soon Bucky waded in too much bubble bath and sent Johnny stupid pictures of his feet and legs covered in copious amounts of it just because it was something Jo wouldn’t question and as predicted, a minute later he received a couple of pictures of Jo’s arm flexing for the camera, not of face, just of his arm in return and it made Bucky laugh a little because it was so stupid but it was so _right_. 

Immediately after, his phone rang and he smiled at Jo’s face making a dumb scrunched up expression on the screen, “Hey.”

“So, I like the legs and all but couldn’t give me just one picture a little higher huh?”

Bucky leaned his head back against the white tile, “How many times you gotta be told no ones allowed to take dick pics of me. Someone hacks your phone then what?”

“Then they’re gonna find a ton of your ass, that’s what. Same as your phone because I know what part of your body you love.”

“Shut up, I take pictures of beautiful things.”

Johnny made a noise like he was pretending to think, “So if I was to look at your reel, you wouldn’t have over a hundred selfies of your butt?”

“I do not have over a hundred selfies of my ass,” He sighed, “..I have maybe over two hundred.”

“There, see?! I’m not the one who should worry about their phone getting hacked. Yours has the mother load.” 

“Right, like you don’t have a metric _ton_ of your own dick.”

He could honestly tell Johnny was grinning. “Hey it’s my best weapon.”

Swirling his toes around in the frothy water, Bucky smiled lightly, pinching the corner of his bottom lip with his teeth, “I bet.”

“Like my hands Buck. Which, come to think of it, do you want me to come over? I’ll massage that prized _ass_ et of yours if you like.”

Bucky shook his head, chuckling at him, “Nah, you go have fun. Jack and Clint are here, we’re going to eat some frozen pizza and watch shitty horror movies. I just want to forget the rest of the night.”

“You sure? Well, I won’t push but we’re still on for tomorrow?” 

_Tomorrow._ Bucky had forgotten about his plans to go to some gay club with Johnny because some of his friends were dancers and he figured why not since Loki was playing a set there and he was always up for supporting him. They had tickets already and everything, it was just that all Bucky wanted to do was curl up under a blanket and cancel the rest of the week. Although, he did consider it a good way to distract himself; booze, guys in skimpy clothing and Johnny was always a fun combination.

“Tomorrow, yeah definitely going tomorrow.” 

“Great, we’re gonna get so drunk and have fun!”

Bucky smiled despite himself and nodded, “Bye Jo.”

“Bye, don’t bother wearing underwear tomorrow!”

“ _Bye_.”

*****

Natasha found Bucky awake before everyone else the next morning. He stood at the counter and prepared for breakfast, while the dogs slept on the floor close to him but advanced him enough space to maneuver to the fridge and to the kitchen table with ease. Sausage and bacon sizzled in their pans, the pile of sliced mushrooms and green onions grew on the cutting board. The first floor was already wafting with the scent of cinnamon and apple from muffins she was pretty sure were baking away in the oven, coffee percolating away to the side. The waffle maker was out and there were already a couple finished and stacked neatly on a spare plate, whole wheat because Brock preferred those, her eyes glancing back towards the stairway.

A part of her wanted to ask him, a large part of her actually, see if he was okay as she watched hands working through multiple actions, a mixing bowl full of scrambled egg while a clean empty pan heated up. So much food, but Bucky was focused and not even realizing she had approached while she worried.

“Morning James.”

He tilted his head and smiled, passing it off but eyes red rimmed and sad and Natasha wanted to hold him and cradle him, tell him things were going to be okay and he would be happy. Instead she picked up a second cutting board and a shallow serving bowl that already had some cut up fruit, a cantaloupe half sat waiting and she proceeded to prepare that for him while he poured out some egg to start the first omelet.

From the corner she watched steady hands calmly moving and chopping bits of meat and grating some cheese to set aside. She knew he enjoyed it, distracted him especially with how many things he was making at once, porridge in a small soup pot and ready to serve already. 

Footsteps were soon coming down the stairs in a set of two, turning when Brock and Jack entered the living room, both of them stopping and holding expressions where they clearly had no idea how to approach the situation. 

Before she can say anything, Clint stumbled in past the pair blindly looking for coffee and Bucky was at the table setting mugs down filled with it like he was predicting their movements already, “You have to get your sugar and stuff on the table, I took all the counter space.” 

Clint took his favorite mug and inhaled the scent before smiling at him, dropping himself down at the table, “Can I have a lot of meat and cheese in mine?”

Bucky nodded, turning away to get back to the stove when Brock loosely grabbed a hold of his wrist. Jack watched warily and hoped he wasn’t going to break the small bit of order Bucky was trying to keep. Rumlow only pulled Bucky in, lips pressed heavy and firm against his temple before he let him go and moved around him with a light nudge of hip to get the milk out of the fridge. 

“What do you want in your omelet Rummy?”

“The works Kid. Always the works.”

Jack stole a glance over towards Natasha as she was passing the bowl of fruit to him and she smiled. He took the dish, placing it on the table, conversation silently passing between them before he approached the stove, a plate full of sausage and bacon resting on paper towels waiting for him and he passed it on to Nat.

“You need help with anything?”

The first omelet slid off the pan and onto a fresh plate, stuffed only with vegetables for Natasha before Bucky moved on to making Clint’s. Peering towards Jack, he leaned into him, head on his shoulder as he gestured with the spatula. “Waffles?”

Jack could do that, one large golden waffle set on the stack and carefully pouring out the batter onto the hot iron, a small homely satisfaction rifling through him while he listened to the gentle sizzle before he was closing the shell cover again. 

“Muffins done?”

“Oh!” Bucky stepped back and Rollins was on it, hand towel already folded twice and pulling open the door to retrieve out the six jumbo muffins just a touch browner than he knew Bucky liked but they were more than fine, moving them over to the side away from the heat and closer to the window to catch the light coolness from the tiny crack of air.

“They’re good.” 

He patted Bucky against the back and his friend nodded, finishing off Clint’s omelet and soon Bucky layered up another with Brock’s everything but the kitchen sink omelet packing it full with a couple of meats, all the veggies and three kinds of cheese. Jack watched him fondly, nothing like Bucky was the past day and the first night, he wasn’t naive either, it would come back and possibly in spades with more self destruction because he knew Bucky. Knew his self esteem would take the hit the wrong way and he’d turn to self harm in the most accepted way possible, he was going to drink like it didn’t matter what the next day would bring.

Retrieving the orange juice and the can of whipped cream, Nat set both down as Clint brought over some plates, Brock sweeping in from the side with a roll of paper towels under his arm and three small juice glasses in one hand and two in the other, dispensing them out in five set places.

The last waffle finished cooking, Jack handled toasting a few slices of bread while placing the warm muffins in the cloth lined bread basket beside them before he joined the table and Bucky slid in last before a buffet of food where everyone did their best to look like starving college students who never ate anything worth a damn for a while just to do some serious damage to the spread Bucky managed to dole out. 

Bucky, on the other hand, only took one of the muffins and picked at it, biting one of the slices of bacon and feeding the rest of it to Nanook, then another to Lucky and giving them equal amounts of attention after crossing his legs on his chair as he busied himself with them instead of having breakfast.

No one pressed him while they all sat together and ate until they were ready to burst, all smiles while music played lightly from the television. 

It was what they did, they were family.

*****

So Steve _may_ have accidentally found out through Thor’s Instagram that Loki was going to play tonight at some club.

He _may_ have seen Johnny comment on it to Odinson that he couldn’t wait to check it out _with Bucky_ and he _may_ have acquired an address via Google maps and was sitting in a cab that was driving over there in hopes that he could get in and find Bucky unguarded and maybe willing to listen to him.

He _may_ have fibbed to Sam about spending the evening alone to marathon watch episodes of House MD only because he knew what Sam would say to him and could picture his face making that one expression he really did hate and because well he was unequivocally in love with Bucky and knew he was acting rash and stupid but he was desperate to have him listen. He told himself and made a deal that it would be the last try before he went quiet and let everyone approach him, but he had to try one more time because _he just had to_.

He wasn’t expecting much either but he dressed nice too, just in case and maybe wore some cologne. Again, not expecting anything but he _was_ going to a club and he had to be at his best even if it was to be told to fuck off. He was going to try. What did Clint say he was? Confident? Sure, he was going to live up to that.

Steve finally got in after wading through the line for about half an hour and a very roving eyed queen had caught his eye, picking and choosing from the crowd and for once he was glad his smedium shirts were attracting attention he usually wouldn’t have wanted, well nothing against the ladies but he was generally just trying to be as low key and mind his own business on a normal day. 

Today it wasn’t so much of a tactic, flashing a big smile and moving through with the other muscular tall guys that were ripe for the picking, jumping a little when he felt a hand smack his ass and he turned his head with a forced grin and a sly wink as he moved on through reminding himself over and over again that this was to get in and find Bucky and so he had to fake it a little. 

Unfortunately, as he got inside, it was a war zone of fog machines and neon lights mixed with black light and an array of guests that wore intricately painted body art that glowed under them. The music was loud and in your face, Steve could already hear it trying to seep from brick and mortar but unlike outside, inside was a whole new animal, thumping into his ears and pounding practically through every cell of his body. 

The entry way had people loitering around talking with cigarettes in their mouths about to head outside, a few men standing by in shimmery black hot pants and nothing else, perfectly sculpted oiled bodies waiting about and chatting as they stamped hands that entered through the door. He had been so distracted he didn’t even notice getting one, checking the back of his hand to see that yes, he was stamped at the door while he was lost in thought about the club. 

He actually had never been to a gay club, he was curious because Tony had mentioned it was kind of fun but then Tony _would_ say that, him and gay clubs would have been best friends, do what you feel like doing and worry about it tomorrow..or don’t. Tony would have fit right in, well he was sure he had..does. Whichever worked for him right now, he wasn’t entirely sure. 

Feeling a little overwhelmed, he didn’t know where to start.

So, here he was wandering in the crowd, being groped occasionally because it was a normal thing to have that happen apparently. He tried not to think too closely about the random spikes of various emotions coursing through him when he felt a strong chest pressing against his back or a hand brushing his ass with purpose while he was milling through. Mostly, he just walked, or at least he called it walking, through the mass and tried to keep an eye out for Bucky or Johnny.

He wasn’t sure how Bucky handled all this on a normal basis.

He finally figured out the layout, two staircases at either side leading to the second floor where he could see bars and seating with balcony railing overhead that overlooked the main point of the place which was the large floor beneath that was packed to the brim with people mingling and dancing. A large raised stage was in the back and he assumed it was Loki playing already, he couldn’t quite tell from all the fog sitting in the air and occasional bubbles floating about plus the amount of party goers. It also didn’t help that there were men dancing in front of the DJ booth in next to nothing glittery thongs with drag queens in full dresses to keep the crowd upbeat and Steve was definitely in over his head. He was also way over dressed, his collared shirt and jeans making it feel a little muggy after being out in the cold, practically everyone else was shirtless and he sighed to himself at how hard this was really going to be. 

He decided to hit the second level first, moving past guys blocking his way to the stairs because the dance floor was so full it spilled out near the lobby entrance area. It seemed to be the only area to get air too, lingering around before there was movement and a passage to go up, warm thick heat coming back up around him as he left the space. A flush brushed across his face as bodies stood pressed together, around him all over again, sweat glistening off skin and at his upper lip, this was ridiculous. The music continued its regular ongoing beat making his blood thrum in sync to it and his heart felt like it was beating faster along with it. 

Checking out both bars and getting used to the bass which was so loud and thick it bounced through the air before him. He hit the VIP back end booths next and some guys were standing outside of one of the large leather clad booths that got his attention. The place was big sure but the VIP area was not as problematic and it didn’t surprise him when he saw a mess of guys half naked, then some others fully dressed in golf shirts and open ones, some dancing in their seat to the music, a couple pairs were making out in the shoddy lighting in that area. A large mass of them were half in and half out of said particular booth and talking animatedly while gesturing to the dance floor below, a couple of the talkers holding arms and hands before they were jerking friends out of seats and a load of them headed for the stairs. 

Some looked Steve’s way but most just moved past him as he shifted to get away from them and lean by the railing overlooking the floor below. When he turned back, he finally saw Bucky flush faced and laughing over something someone said by his ear. He was wearing a thin white V-neck that was practically translucent and those black skinny jeans he always liked wearing. He was tucked at the corner of the horseshoe shaped booth in the back, the round table where they sat littered with an array of bottles and glasses, Bucky’s laughter cutting short the second he saw Steve.

In return, Bucky wasn’t sure what to do, trying to play it casual as he lounged back with a half empty bottle of beer in hand. His fist tightened around it though, face softly red and his hair a mess and pushed back. He wasn’t sure he was ready for him especially while he was wearing faded blue jeans and a too tight shirt stretched across his chest. As always he looked so fucking amazing and he knew it wasn’t the alcohol doing that to him which only made him feel suddenly so very spiteful and angry about things.

That was the real moment he realized he really just wasn’t ready, his eyes piercing and intentionally glaring at him in warning to stay away. 

Steve only moved forward a little towards the table, his face hesitant, apologetic but smart enough to see Bucky may not welcome him with open arms. 

Narrowing his eyes in a squint, Bucky’s mind kept reminding him Steve didn’t do anything, Steve was here to say sorry and that Steve was OK. But it was the years of pain and doubt that reminded him that maybe Steve didn’t care as much as Bucky figured and that maybe his expressions of affection only went so far and Bucky imagined the rest. That it was stupid to assume he cared more than he did, because Bucky did that; he always made that mistake when he wanted more with someone, overcompensated to fix it for himself so he could have what he wished he wanted and ignored warning signs. He took a few shots as he mulled it in his mind, glancing away from Steve, licking his lips nervously as he rubbed a sweaty palm over the leg of his jeans. 

Bucky was also notoriously good at hearing lies like ‘I’ll take care of you’, ‘I want to be with you forever’, ‘There’s no one but you’ and thinking they meant it, was ‘I’m always going to be here for you no matter what’ any different? They were friends, not lovers and this really wasn’t Steve’s fault. He was doing what he wanted to do and Tony was the love of his life. Of course they would kiss, even if it meant nothing because it was who they were. Steve kissed him too but they were different; on his cheek and in his hair, against his neck and on his shoulder but he never kissed him on his mouth because they weren’t like that. 

_They weren’t like that._

He looked up at him, still staring from where he was before he glanced away again, eyes roving across glittery bottles and glasses and something rose up inside of him, sad and unhappy because Steve never thought of him like that and he suddenly wondered in his drunk stupor if he was seeing Bucky like a sibling and that only made him want to cry. It was then that his anger came back, wild and unruly and he refused to deal with him because he wanted to forget him, at least tonight because he _hurt_ him and Bucky didn’t give two shits on if he was being intentional or not because tonight he just wanted to forget _everything_ in his life.

Finishing off his beer, and whatever of his cran mix was left. Bucky almost just wanted to drown one of the bottles in a haste because he felt this absent sensation of desperation fill him that really came out of nowhere. He wanted to set himself to do what he always did when he felt at his lowest, make it worse even if it meant the only person suffering was going to be himself.

Bucky wanted the message clear, his gaze shifting past him and a hand went up and while Steve looked confused not sure if it was addressed to him, Johnny made his way through, squeezing in past Steve and someone else while he was holding a pair of drinks and slid in beside Bucky. 

Johnny looked back at Steve before smiling over at Bucky, thinking that maybe it was a good thing after hearing that maybe it wasn’t so obvious as the image had made it seem. That maybe he was set up because he definitely knew what Steve thought of Bucky. Instead though, Bucky’s free arm went around his waist to turn his body in and pull him tight to his frame, so close that Johnny had one of his legs draping over Bucky’s lap. It was then that Johnny saw the way he was tense and locked onto Steve but not happy. He leaned in, pressing a soft kiss against his cheekbone, giving his nose a light nudge against it, “Are you seriously going to leave him hanging?”

A small playful smile reached Bucky’s lips, eyes shifting to look at Johnny before they went back to Steve, “I don’t honestly care, never asked him to come here.”

Johnny watched him carefully, his eyes examining his face, “Buck- ”

“Jo, don’t. Not tonight.” His grip firm around his hip until it eventually slid down a little to the curve of his ass.

His friend only nodded softly, nuzzling him along his jaw, leaving a light trail of kisses behind feeling Bucky’s other hand riding up and massaging his inner thigh with him thumb in light gentle circles. An arm draped around Bucky’s neck and Johnny felt him keen to fingers dancing along the nape of it, brushing along his hair and the sensitive spot behind his ear. 

Steve only stayed standing where he was, as far from the table booth as he could be across from Bucky, his back pressing against the railing. His features fought the reflexive sensation to show the rumble of jealousy pushing to come forth especially as Bucky bore his gaze into him with a contemptuous look clearly not wanting him to come over. He watched Johnny curl his face against Bucky’s neck, nibbling at his earlobe and sucking gentle marks into his skin. When he shifted his eyes back to Bucky, the brunette only smirked wider at him, defiant like he was telling him to try and talk to him while he was busy. His hand sliding up higher between Johnny’s legs and along his inner thigh, stroking him through his pants without an ounce of modesty while hips arched up eagerly to the attention. Message clear about how he felt about Steve being there right then.

Clenching his jaw, Steve was entirely sure the statement from Bucky to him was to get lost and only that, and not at all directed towards making him upset or jealous yet that was all it did, causing him to sharply turn around and storm through the crowd before he did something he would regret, shouldering people out of his way to get out faster. A part of him wanted to apologize as he moved through but he caught himself, forcing his reflexes to forget it as he was afraid of anything that might come out of his mouth anyway.

It hurt. It hurt so much to know he fucked up without doing anything wrong but really, he should have told him sooner. It hurt to know all this time Bucky felt something deep for him and he was too busy thinking about himself. He ignored everyone trying to steer him to that without betraying Bucky’s trust with telling him outright and in the end he only found out because he was too stupid to see it when it was _right there_.

It was agonizing to see Bucky so angry and spiteful and he _knew_ exactly why he felt that way and that maybe he didn’t kiss Tony voluntarily but he was guilty of not believing, or even opening up to the obvious signs. It hurt that he couldn’t tell Bucky he knew too, that he had to stay under the pretense that Bucky didn’t know he knew even with the fact that he was clearly showing how jilted he felt like there was no way to hide it because no matter if it was false or not, he still felt that emotion of feeling _betrayed_.

He broke out into the cold frosty air, taking in a lungful before exhaling in frustration, watching a billow of foggy breath waft away from him. Steve didn’t know how he was going to make it right but he was going to make it right. He was going to make it up to him and wait forever if he had to. At least he could take solace out of the fact that Bucky was most likely aware nothing happened and everything was falsified so he hoped that after the few days of shock they could patch things up. He hoped at least, taking one last look back before flagging a cab and heading back home. 

“ _Bucky_..” 

Johnny’s voice moaning out in his ear snapped him back to present company, his eyes darting to the crowds of people dancing around or milling about, turning to Johnny breathing heavier as he pressed into him half sprawled onto his lap. It was just a bad break, a feeling of guilt touching him lightly for pushing Steve away. He knew he was _allowed_ to feel hurt and angry but as soon as Steve left with that pained expression, all Bucky could feel was terrible. Not that his fingers got the memo, continuously stroking and massaging Johnny’s half hard cock through the fabric of his khaki pants. 

“You keep touching me like that..I’m gonna have a problem..”

Smiling, Bucky tilted his head feeling a hand cupping his face, his lips found Johnny’s as he carried on doing what he was doing, slapping a hand away that tried to fumble for his own jeans. 

“Leave it.” He hissed out against Jo’s lips, pressing fingers through the fabric of his khakis and molding his hand along the hard line of his cock watching his friend close his eyes, leaning forward to press their foreheads together.

“Buck..” He whined, voice pitched and close. 

Bucky only pushed, sliding his other hand up, fingers slipping into his hair and tugging strands lightly as he kissed him. He tilted his head, Johnny’s tongue slipped into his mouth and Bucky sucked off the taste of alcohol as he made a soft sound that maybe wasn’t heard but at least felt against his friend.

Wrapping an arm around, Jo pulled him close just before his body stiffened and they were pressed painfully tight together while the music carried on too loud for Bucky to catch the delicate pitch of a whine, warm huffs of air dancing along his flushed skin. He stayed as he was until he was able to get his breath back, Bucky’s hand around one of the new drinks and sipping at it as he stared at him eventually offering him a taste, pressing a small kiss by his ear.

“You wanna dance with me? Loki’s gonna be awfully mad we didn’t do that.”

Laughing, Johnny nodded his head but was gesturing to the obvious wet stain left on his pants, “Sure but after I get this cleaned up.”

Playfully pushing Jo’s leg off, Bucky prodded at him to get going then, Johnny rolling his eyes as he attempted to wiggle out of the booth the best he could without revealing anything had happened.

“I’ll be downstairs.” Bucky shouted out as he finished off the rest of the glass and watched Storm flash him a thumbs up before he was turning for the restrooms.

Bucky winded his way down to the main floor and watched the stage, hand holding the end of the rail because maybe he was slightly more intoxicated than he originally thought now that he was fully standing. He turned his head to look up the stairs, contemplating going back to the bar to wait and ordering up some shots when he felt someone grab his wrist. 

They pulled but not with too much force, only like they were asking if he would join when they were somewhere voices wouldn’t be heard over the music and Bucky turned to see a man tall like Jack was, a few handful of inches above his own height with no shirt on and a whole lot of muscles. He had sandy brown hair and Bucky wasn’t sure but under the weird lighting very pale blues. Beaming at him, his mystery guy kept nodding his head to the music and gesturing to the sea of people with his other hand, eying him like he was the best thing he had seen around here and maybe if he was more sure of things he might have felt flattered. 

Right now though Bucky couldn’t help but feel a pang of wariness, he hadn’t been to a club since what happened but then he rationalized that because it was one person over a collective amount of time, he shouldn’t deprive himself to hear his friend play. Maybe it was too early, the fears mildly came back, creeping quietly around the base of his mind as the man tugged his wrist again while he started to walk backwards. At first Bucky only stared at him and didn’t move but after the third gentle pull Bucky found that maybe one dance wouldn’t hurt. It wasn’t like Johnny would be long and he could always stop when he did show up, moving in with the motion of the tow as he stepped into the stride. 

He was led into the crowd; glowing bodies covered in sweat, paints and lights dancing all around and he was yanked in one last time hard against his partner’s frame as he peered up in sort of casual surprise though he should have seen it coming. His stranger’s hand rested at the small of his back and Bucky let himself relax again, smiling back lightly as he tried not to let a million thoughts race through his mind.

For a long moment all they did was dance, close but with a small sliver of space sitting between them and Bucky felt himself ease into it a little more. Considering what was going on around them, they were pretty decent compared to other couples roving hands on each other and some outright doing some really not so innocent things right on the dance floor when Bucky at least had the courtesy to do similar things in the privacy of a VIP booth. 

It was almost too casual when the hand resting at his back snuck down and was suddenly resting on his ass. It wasn’t in passing or readjustment, and usually the contact would have been predictable because really, he was in a gay club where usually if he wasn’t clear everyone was up for a little touching, except right then the purposeful fondling was triggering a varied amount of alarms in Bucky’s mind. It was only made worse when he was pulled in closer and the intent was clear as day when Bucky felt the very noticeable erection his dance partner was pressing against his thigh.

It was all too fast and too sudden for him, like he was suddenly thrown into the deep end of the pool after he realized he couldn’t swim. Distress took over and he didn’t expect the impact of how he was going to react to all of it, not realizing that even though he was aware of what _may_ happen, he still was taken by sheer surprise. The actions weren’t new, this was an old play for him and yet his mind was spinning, alcohol not playing its part in numbing the situation out and it was just _too much_ , too soon. 

The stranger’s face suddenly changed from all smiles to abrupt concern and seconds later as Bucky felt like he should just be falling, an arm snaked around his waist from behind and he was pulled backwards, the person turning him around and he was face to face with Johnny staring at him with that same concerned look in his eyes.

“Buck?”

Bucky could barely make out words from behind him, the man asking if he was okay and Johnny saying it was fine and dismissing him. He didn’t care too much, he just wanted to be away from the person because as much as they didn’t mean anything by it, he wasn’t ready for it. His breathing slowly returned back to normal and it was then that he noticed he was trembling slightly, pressing as close as he could against Johnny’s chest. A firm hold was kept firmly around his waist, a hand cradling the back of his head as they stood surrounded by hundreds of people with no notice of what had just transpired. 

Bucky could only hide his face against the crook of Jo’s neck and stay there, his arms wrapping tightly around his middle and not wanting to let go. He wasn’t ready for the mild panic attack over getting groped even though he knew it was probably going to happen and he hated it, hated that he couldn’t even control that much with even the full anticipation of it.

*****

Johnny came back slowly into a stream of consciousness, fighting the strong urge to return to sleep again and trying his best to skirt away from it, forcing himself to crawl out of the wonderful sensation of peace he was in so he could wake up. He could feel the dull perfect ache of last night settled in his bones remembering getting back to his place earlier than planned and actually just settling in with Buck over bottles of water instead of alcohol and some movies. It was in the middle of their second one when things got a little more _interesting_ and they moved themselves into his bedroom.

The sheets were warm, smelling of him and Bucky; a sweet softness mixed in with the musk of them together and he could feel the way he was tingling along the surface of his skin, already hard as he shifted hips and sighed absently to the drag of his cock against the mattress.

He was almost entirely awake, mind still in a thick perfect fog when he felt Bucky curl his hand around the side of his hip, a delay of realization that fingers were slick and just lightly cool against his skin. He moaned lightly, too lazy to speak but in full agreement of wherever those fingers were curious to go, squirming in anticipation and he already felt open and waiting. 

A smile crept along his lips, Bucky’s eagerness spreading warmth throughout his body and into his toes as they dragged along the bed sheets. His cock throbbed, wanting more and his heartbeat increased, excited and ready for Bucky to take whatever he liked.

Nuzzling the nape of his neck, Bucky’s hand slipped down further, caressing the curve of his ass and whispering out his name, a few kisses chasing after it with the burn of stubble scraping along already blushing skin. His thigh sat trapped between his friend’s legs, keening to Bucky’s touch and trying to encourage him to continue what he had been doing, fogginess clearing just enough to confirm he was prepped enough to get down to what he really wanted.

“ _Please_.” Johnny murmured into the pillow, arching back against Bucky’s thigh, body half blanketing over him and whimpering out in need. 

He listened to the crinkling of wrapper somewhere nearby and then the sound of it being torn open, kisses running against his neck and along one shoulder with a brief movement away before there was a hot blunt push of Bucky’s cock pressing at him and nudging slowly inside. Easily Johnny’s body gave in to him, smooth and easy, a broken moan slipping away as his hips pushed back restlessly for more. 

The sensation carved directly through Johnny’s entire being, nerves soaking in every inch of Bucky sinking deeper inside. He knew he couldn’t stop the broken noises he was making, half sleepy and completely happy for this, fingers curling around already loose bed sheets wishing he could always have Bucky inside of him and keep him that way for all time.

At least for now he could and that was enough as he made another noise and murmured out a _yes_ , rocking his ass back against hips and settling into the curve of Bucky’s body, listening to the little groan slip away above him. 

An arm came around, palm pressing against his chest and skimming along overheated skin until Bucky’s thumb and index settled just past his collarbones, keeping him close. He whimpered helplessly as Bucky pulled out most of the way and thrust back inside, deeper and continuing his leisurely movements in a shallow easy grind. Oh yes, Johnny could definitely work with that, the perfect crawl of Bucky pressing in tight and the feel of his body pressed languid and flush against his back with the sensation of feeling full and used while his fingers dragged against the fabric of the sheets and focused on the feel of Bucky’s cock. 

He felt like he was lost in a haze, floating on the sensation of bliss; helpless gasps slipped past his lips in sharp huffs every moment Bucky drew back and was gliding himself in and filling him up again. He wasn’t even paying attention when Bucky nudged to adjust him just barely, their angles changing with a shift of their bodies and he allowed his friend to do whatever he liked because Bucky was _allowed_ this whenever he liked and wanted him to take it, _take him_. 

It was when Bucky thrust in again after that that his entire body went alight, every nerve in it awake and aching for more as he let out a cry, eyes closing from the flare of ecstasy washing over him. Teeth sank into his bottom lip as Bucky gave him what he really wanted now and giving back as much as he took. He kept switching from a smooth grind and pushing in deep to playing with him as he changed from time to time and slid almost entirely out of him, a hot thick drag before he plunged back into Johnny and struck exactly where he needed like he knew from all their years together where it was without even trying which was probably true for Bucky and forcing out a punched pathetic sound from him over it.

Reaching back, Jo brought a hand to rest at Bucky’s hip urging him to give more, feeling his mouth panting against the back of his neck and blooming across Johnny’s skin hot and wet as he felt Bucky press in harder, nose nudging into his hair.

“Could live here..” Bucky rambled out against Johnny’s skin, “Keeping me warm and God you’re so tight..wanna..”

His hips kept up its thrusts as words stammered out in bits and pieces, falling from his lips without much care and taking effort in long and steady strokes deep inside and easing out to press back in with a roll of them coaxing loud whimpered moans easily from Jo’s throat. 

Beneath his fingers, Johnny could feel out the flex and movement of Bucky’s muscles, sliding his hand across his hip and thigh, tension never leaving as he worked into him over and over. Even with their sleepy morning together, Bucky wanted what he wanted and it made Johnny sigh out happily.

“ -What’s stopping you then?”

Bucky hummed softly, sinking in deep and stilling himself, body pressed flushed against Johnny’s entire backside, “Think you could cum with me like this? Keeping me cozy here inside you?” 

Johnny felt his face warm, Bucky dropping his head down and grinning against one shoulder before he pressed a small kiss against his neck. He felt Bucky’s hand slide down from off where he had been holding it against his chest and shivered to the touch of fingertips scaling down his stomach, wrapping around his cock.

He tilted his head against Bucky’s, lazy and happy, fond with him and feeling so very full, stretching him so wonderfully because he was going to really mourn that dick when it would become off limits to him.

“Don’t know, first time for everything. I’m not one to stop you from trying though..”

Bucky pressed kisses along the shell of his ear and down the side of his neck while his hand gave him a few long strokes, palm smearing his precum along, “Guess I could give you a hand.” 

Letting out a pleased groan, Johnny immediately fell into the movement of his hips rocking to the stroke of Bucky’s hand pumping him steadily. It awoke the gentle burn that had settled momentarily and accentuated the fact that Bucky was still inside him, settled snugly like he always belonged there. His fingers gripped tightly around the sheets trying to get some sort of hold, tugging at them as he dipped his hips back and pressed into Bucky’s own while he was panting helplessly and trying to force himself not to bring a hand over Bucky’s and help speed up the task of getting him to cum faster.

It wasn’t like it would take very long in either case anyway, Bucky knowing more than anyone how to get him off and what he liked, thumb swiping over his slit and twisting his hand in just the right way, fingers wrapped around with the perfect amount of pressure like Jo was doing it just by himself. Bucky liked watching him do _that_ too so clearly he had ample time to study and Johnny was cumming before he could get all of his thoughts out, his breath hitching alongside a whimpering low cry that was forcefully drug out of him.

He was out a little, blissed in a fogginess when he heard his name in his ear, warm breath tickling the shell of it as he blinked a few times. Bucky held him close, feeling his hips rocking in small, gentle thrusts against his ass.

“Johnny..”

He could hear the neediness in his voice and Johnny had to smile absently, loving the way Bucky was always a mix of lust and love and Jo was taken care of always while Bucky could be however he wanted to be without the risk of backlash. 

“Do it Buck, however you want to.”

Bucky mumbled something faint and affectionate in Romanian into his shoulder as he left a small kiss there before he pushed Johnny down fully onto his stomach and Jo spread his legs to give him more access. Palms pressed against Johnny’s lower back and Bucky fucked into him with short, hard thrusts that Storm knew was just enough for him to feel the drag of his hole around Bucky’s dick without losing the tight heat of his body. 

All Johnny could do now was let Bucky take him, pulling his arms under his chin and folding them there as he hummed happily to the way Bucky felt inside of him and kept a lazy comforting warmth in his belly. It hadn’t taken too many more thrusts before hands were sliding across skin and tightening at Jo’s hips, grounding himself in deep as he came with a body wracked shudder and a deep groan. 

Bucky had only pressed against him for a minute or two before he was begrudgingly shifting away just so he could pull out and get rid of the condom in the bathroom, water running a few seconds while Jo battled back and forth with sleep and staying awake. The bed dipped and Bucky was back, gently pushing at a shoulder so Johnny would oblige him, it was only a small struggle to do that, satiated and lazy and he could see a smile quirk at the corner of Bucky’s mouth.

“So lazy.” 

The cloth was warm and gentle as it dragged down his abs and was careful around his sensitive cock, humming in reply before he was forcing himself up to throw the blanket over the sheets and ultimately the wet spot he left. It all had to wash anyway but right now he was watching Bucky tug the spare from the closet and bring it over, cheeks still pink and skin bearing a small bit of shine, damp hair pushed back from his eyes. 

He was gone again and all Johnny could do was pull at the pillow Bucky was sleeping with, clutching it against his chest as he rolled onto his side and tangled himself in the new blanket. Bucky was back a few minutes later and Johnny felt the top of an open water bottle tap at his mouth. He begrudgingly opened his eyes to see Bucky laid out beside him eating a sandwich while still naked and raising his brows expectantly. Accommodating him, he took a good drink of water before he tilted his head away and snuggled against the pillows again, “I’m good, thank you.”

Bucky pressed his half eaten sandwich against his lips next, Jo crinkling his nose at the scent of tuna, “You have a weird obsession with tuna fish.”

Laughing, Bucky watched him take a bite and Johnny winced at the hit of spiciness.

“It’s not an obsession, I just like it. Considering I’m finicky as fuck with seafood people should be glad I like a few things.”

Bucky wiggled the sandwich out again, Johnny frowned finally taking it and finishing it off to his friends satisfaction, “Now I’m gonna have stanky tuna breath.”

“Who else you gonna kiss while I’m here?”

Johnny hummed blissfully, pulling Bucky in and wrapping his arms around warm, smooth skin, “No one else but it’s not the point.”

He watched Bucky smile as he brushed his hand along the back of his short hair, Johnny leaned in and planted a kiss to Bucky’s bottom lip, then to each corner of his mouth. Jo roamed the pads of his fingers down the dip at the small of his friend’s back to trace out one of his dimples there while Buck was trying his hardest to hide the way his body wanted to squirm from the ticklish sensation. It was adorable.

“C’mere..” 

Moving in with a familiar fluid ease, they kissed slow and sweet as a hand kneaded Bucky’s ass and immediately the male was grinning against his mouth. 

“You just had sex.”

“Your ass though,” Jo gushed out, moving a hand onto each cheek, relishing as he took ample handfuls and _squeezed_ , sucking air through his teeth and making a sound of satisfaction, “God bless it.”

Bucky could only laugh, wiggling snug against Jo’s body and tucking his face against his neck, “Time for a nap.”

Grunting in agreement, he could barely keep his eyes open anyway, Johnny kept his hands where they belonged and pressed a kiss against Bucky’s cheek. He knew they both definitely needed a shower sometime soon, letting the thought wander away from him while he was burying his face into Bucky’s neck and pressing a smile against his skin when he could feel Bucky nuzzling against the juncture between his own neck and shoulder. 

Johnny tugged the blanket close and arranged them so they were laying together on one pillow. Whatever was going on for them in the world could wait, it was time to get some shut eye and life would carry without their presence just for a little while.

*****

Bucky’s parents were still out of town for the week and he took advantage to go back home, Nanook in tow as they slipped into the library together and he attempted to grasped any hold of solace he could find as much of a headache as it was to be there when they were home, it was still his childhood home and he was drawn to it.

Parting and pulling away thick heavy curtains and uncovering the whole area, he curled up along the built in seating panel at the large bay window overlooking a part of the garden located at the side of the home where his library faced. Pressing some pillows and a blanket there, he hid himself away like he liked and once he was comfortable, Nanook waited until he could hop up to lay over Bucky’s long legs, head just close enough so a hand was pressed at the top of his head, tilting just enough to lick affectionately at fingers. 

Bucky tried to read but only stared at absent words unhappily, everything coming back in spades later in the afternoon when Johnny had to go attend a party with his parents and offered that Bucky come with him. He didn’t want to intrude and instead forced himself to get cleaned up and get going. He feigned being in high spirits and was pretty sure Johnny saw right through it but he didn’t badger him and Bucky felt all he really needed was space. Being at the club was maybe a little too much, and everyone was trying to keep him elevated but sometimes he just needed to be by himself and he hadn’t really had much of that the last couple of days unless he was in the bathroom and even that felt like he wasn’t entirely. 

He changed route, sitting and staring out the window as he watched the rain beat down, his temple pressed against the wood paneling behind him while his finger ran along the glass making absent lines and circles around the roaming drops of rain on the other side, absorbing the coolness. 

He didn’t even hear footsteps when they approached him, another warm blanket going around his shoulders and he turned his head to see Imogen smiling at him.

“You looked cold.”

Bucky shook his head, “I didn’t notice, thanks.”

They were silent, Imogen finding a place to sit down by his legs, Nanook turning his large frame around to greet her and to get pets on the head because as much as he was there for Bucky, he was notoriously greedy for them.

“Oh, well hello there. I was wondering when I would meet you!” She smiled down at Nook as he tried to sit up and lick her face, one paw attempting to keep her close to do so, “James he’s a handful and so big how do you manage?”

Bucky turned his head to the pair of them, “He’s still a baby, he’ll grow out of it..at some point.”

She laughed, pressing a kiss between Nanook’s eyes, “That’s what I tell everyone when they talk about you _and_ you’re still growing as well.”

The dog rolled onto his back, Bucky trying not to get back paws kicking his feet while Imogen rubbed his belly, “Ooh, you’re a bundle of trouble aren’t you?”

Nook chuffed at the comment, tongue lolling out as he relaxed to the belly scratches, content and happy. A small smile crept up on Bucky as he watched a moment before he went back to the window to stare at the rain. He didn’t notice when Imogen changed actions from playing with the dog to lightly patting his ankle, looking out the window with him a few minutes before she turned back in his direction. 

“Why are you so unhappy James?”

At first he didn’t do anything except shake his head as his mouth slowly turned down, turning her way but not taking his eyes off the rain. She only waited for him knowing it was always a matter of time.

“Tony kissed Steve I guess, that’s Steve’s story. He said it was just as a joke confirmation from what Natasha said and someone took a picture of it. I don’t think it meant anything but it looked like it meant everything. I don’t even know if he cares about me..just feel..really unhappy right now. I don’t know, everyone seems to believe him and I _want_ to believe him but everything in my head is just wondering what if it wasn’t a joke?”

Biting her lip in worry, Imogen shifted a little over so she was sitting at the edge closer by his hip to cup his hand and really look at him, “I think he cares a lot about you.” 

Looking at her curiously, she gave him a comforting smile.

“I’ve barely been in his presence for long periods of time but I really do feel that way. If it truly happened how you think, maybe it was him not being sure, but you can’t let him go, Bluejay.” She cupped his face, “You’ve never looked at anyone else like you look at Steve. I’m not saying to let the kiss go, not completely but you can’t control your feelings so they do what you want them to do especially if you hurt but listen to your heart, look at it differently. Look at what he’s telling you through Natalia, especially if he’s trying to tell you through her it must be very important because everyone knows how protective she is of you. Maybe you should speak to him and see if you can understand it the way he tells you the outcome. Judge it for yourself.”

Bucky tilted his head, “Do you believe him? Just by what I said?”

She wasn’t sure, she thought Steve was kind and genuinely cared but that never confirmed intentions or actions, “I don’t know, but I know that when you fell down the stairs, when you called him out of everyone to take you away after the fight with your mother, he had that look in his eyes like he wanted to save you, honey. I don’t think he does anything with the sole purpose to harm you, frankly I do think it’s the opposite. I think if he could, he would bring you all the stars from the sky.”

Tears welled up in Bucky’s eyes, a soft choked sob hitting at his throat, “Img, I _want_ him to bring me all the stars from the sky..”

“Oh James,” She pulled his upper body into her arms, hand softly brushing against his hair as she guided him to press his face against shoulder, rocking him softly, “I know, I know you do. Shh, don’t cry.”

*****

When Imogen went to answer the in-house line from the guardhouse, the last person she was thinking of waiting at the gates, aside from a few obvious candidates, was Steve. He was allowed to approach the door while she stood there waiting for him with her hands twisting up the apron around her waist and a wary worried look as he met her with his own sorry expression.

Before he could say a word, she gathered up her own courage, chin out as she schooled a very strict expression he was sure wasn’t the first time she wore it.

“Before you even think to step foot inside, I have security on the ready. If you make him upset I will have you kicked off the property, if he asks you to leave Steven, you leave very peacefully. That is my one and only warning to you.” 

Drawing in a soft breath, Steve straightened his shoulders and nodded to her, “That’s fair.”

They both turned their heads to the sound of the bedroom door upstairs shutting closed abruptly and Imogen looked guilty, “He’s been drinking a little. Sent his dog to keep me company I guess. I didn’t question it. I don’t know if he wants to see you but you can try.” 

“I told myself not to come here, he didn’t want to see me last night and I said I was finished trying for a few days but Clint said he was here and his parents were out of town and I’m here again. I can’t _stop_ , I don’t know how because I want him to be happy. I want him to stop hating me. I want him back.” 

“I don't think he hates you. I think in a way, he wants you to try though. He tries for you, so he shouldn’t be surprised if you want to keep trying for him.”

Steve never really looked at it like that, reaching out to give her arm a soft squeeze before he was looking back towards the stairs and moving that way. 

Bucky locked himself in his bedroom, chest heaving as he leaned himself against it, “Why’s he here?” 

His eyes darted to the half drank bottle of vodka on the table by the armchair and he tore for it, unscrewing the top to drink more of it down, ignoring the burning sensation in his throat. Tears clung to the corner of his eyes, finally pulling away and setting it down heavily. He stumbled into the side of his bed, turning to his stereo system and putting on some music before he paused in thought to the door.

Not knowing exactly what to do, if he should answer the door when Steve knocked or ignore him outright, he ambled to the antique desk at the back trying to stop his panic pulling open the multiple drawers against the back board. He pulled out notes and pieces of charcoal and sleeves of artwork he had done. Underneath some birthday cards he paused in confusion at a small vial in the second to last drawer, staring silently at the white powder inside of it. He held it up to the bedroom light and squinted, startling when Steve finally knocked. 

Shaking his head, Bucky slipped it into his shirt pocket and approached the door to open it, finding Steve standing at the other end staring hard at him in determination but softening tremendously the second their eyes met.

“What do you want?” Bucky let out, pursing his lips trying to keep his ground. He kept his body placed it the space that had the door open at, wide just enough to fit, resting his frame against it a little. 

“Can we talk?”

Bucky felt his eyes close, the moisture licking at his lashes hiding itself. He wanted to, he so badly wanted to but walls were up, cautious and still hurt, “I’d prefer not to, I thought I made it pretty clear last night when you were trying to crash my party with Jo. You should go home.”

He moved to close the door but Steve brought his hand up, pressing his palm into the frame, pushing a little, “No, Buck, no I can’t do that. I just need a moment, just a minute of your time. Please let me in.”

Scowling, Bucky stepped back gesturing to the foot inside, “Looks like you’re in already.” He walked further away, picking up the vodka bottle and raising it to his lips, drinking down as much as he could.

Steve only stared at him, closing the door behind him, “I meant _in_..in and is that what you’re going to do now? Just drink your problems away? Buck, news flash, you’re still going to have nightmares about God knows what because you won’t tell me and you’re still going to be angry at the world.”

Grey blues narrowed, the back of his hand wiping up his mouth, “The fuck you care?”

He heard Brock’s voice in Bucky’s, stepping forward to him, “I do care. You’re just angry right now, I get that. You know I care about you so much though.”

Bucky rapidly shook his head, winding fingers in brown tousled hair, just feeling so frustrated over the whole thing, “Go, _home_ Steve.”

“And what if I don’t? What if I stay right here, in front of you? What if I tell you I care so damn much about you that I’ll keep trying to get you to talk to me?”

Bucky glared at him, challenging him a little as he sighed at him. He was sick and tired of _this_. He was sick and tired when he fought with Tony and he gave in to Steve a day later. The bottle pressed at his bottom lip, drinking down the last bit of it before putting it back on the table. 

“Bucky.”

He raised his hand to stop him from coming closer and continuing. “Stop. Just stop it Steve. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t deal with you or your shit or your problems of you not sure what you want and who you want. I can’t. I have my own ghosts to deal with. I can’t let you h- ” He sucked in a long deep breath, lowering his eyes to the floor, Steve hanging off every word he let out. Bucky closed his eyes, a palm pressed into the smooth surface of his lacquered drum table.

When nothing was said, Steve swallowed deep, the word hanging thick above his head but he couldn’t say it out loud not sure if it was what he meant though in his heart he knew it was and he didn’t want Bucky to say it either. 

“Bucky, let me just- ” Steve stepped forward towards him and the action seemed to jolt Bucky awake, closing in the distance they had just to press his hands into Steve’s chest, pushing him the best he could towards the doorway. 

“You need to go Steve, I need to be alone. _Please_!”

Steve saw a sudden panicked look and it only caused him to dig his heels and stay put. He knew it was out of place of him especially when he was warned and he was being a stubborn dick but there was something telling him to stay, to fight back no matter how much Bucky had a right to kick him out. He pressed his hands into Bucky’s chest and immediately felt something sitting in the pocket, Bucky’s eyes widening and pushing him harder. It was then that Steve furrowed his brows suspiciously. 

“What is it?” He shoved Bucky’s hands away, reaching into his pocket because he didn’t care what was going on anymore, the abrupt flash of fear he saw was enough to make him question without permission. 

Steve stared at what he was holding, anger pooling inside of him almost in an instant. He held up the vial, “Is this what you were going to do if I didn’t show up?! What is this Bucky?!”

Bucky could only shake his head for a moment, trying to shrink into himself nervously, hands gripping the ends of his shirt, “It’s nothing Steve. I was going- “

“What is it?!” He snapped out, moving his hand sharply forward with it, startling Bucky into sudden silence and causing him to flinch in fear.

The reaction rattled Steve, loosening something in his mind and he felt his worried anger leave just like that, like it never existed.

“It’s coke.” Bucky barely breathed out the words, closing his eyes and bracing himself with his head tucked away and facing the floor, his features wincing in preparation for whatever Steve would bring at him.

But there was nothing but silence.

Slowly, carefully Bucky looked up, his tensed shoulders dropping just slightly as he peered at Steve’s astonished face. A dead gaze set on him, Steve too frozen to speak as he processed everything. 

Bucky hesitated to move, his hands tugging at the ends of his shirt sleeves worriedly, his gaze thrown back to the floor to avoid Steve’s eyes boring into him.

“Why would you do this to yourself?”

Bucky drew in a shallow breath, “I wasn’t going to use it. I just, I found it in my desk. I think I stole it from Brock’s a while ago for some reason, I don’t know. I forgot it was there.”

Steve stepped forward tucking the vial away into his pocket, he grasped Bucky’s arms with slow deliberate movements but his grip was firm, coaxing Bucky to look at him again, “Why?”

Bucky looked at him, something crossing in his eyes like anger or perhaps resentment. He drew in a breath, “I told you, it wasn’t because of you, it was probably an alternative I had if I got curious. Who knows I don’t even know. I was drunk half the time back when I think I stole it..”

“And now?”

He shook his head, “I was going to dump it in the toilet but you were there so I was going to send you away and do it after. Maybe freak you out too I guess since you found it.”

Knitting his brows together, Steve didn’t understand, “Why would you want to do that?”

Bucky shook his head, staring at the floor, “Just wanted you feel bad. Just a little for a second because..I know it doesn’t make sense. You’re an adult, even if that stuff was true though you keep saying it’s not. You just, you really really hurt me and..” He carefully drew in a breath, “..You aren’t supposed to.”

And there it was, the needle drop that Steve was hoping he wouldn’t hear Bucky say. It was hard for him to look at the situation like it was only a friend worrying about another friend and came to their breaking point over the worry when he knew how Bucky felt about him. How much pain was he trying to hide away while they stood before each other and how much did he want to tell him everything?

A soft pained sound slipped from Steve’s throat and he was moving his body forward before he was really thinking about it, pressing his forehead against Bucky’s, his hands sliding over arms and slipping them into his hands, their fingers entwining because they always had _this_ together. Bucky let his eyes close, pressing lightly back in return, and that small effort alone made Steve’s heart beat faster.

“I’m sorry Buck, _I’m sorry_. I never meant to hurt you in all this, you should know by now I only want to make you happy. I just, I said something stupid to Tony and he reacted the best way he knows how, to joke about it. Nothing happened, we just talked all night and clear into the morning then he offered me a guest room to sleep in which I accepted. I know all you do is try to protect me. It’s what we both do, for each other. All you wanted to do was keep me from getting hurt, that’s all you’ve ever been trying to do for me and I don’t want to go back to him, someone just took the picture to make me look like an asshole. Buck please,” 

Three simple words fought at the edge of his tongue wanting to be released, sung out, said to Bucky with his whole soul. He was sorry, he was scared but Bucky had to hear him out. Hear all the words and that he is _in love_ and he felt so broken over the feeling that everything was so fucked up.

“I need you.” He sighed out with the words, so heavy and meaning so much more than he knew Bucky would accept but they were for him to keep, to hold as a silent promise that when Bucky accepted him he could change those three words to something much more.

“Maybe I’m naive, I guess I am sometimes..” Bucky wasn’t exactly sure why he was saying what he was, but he was. He had a habit of being with people he _wanted_ to believe in. People like Dylan, people that his best friends tried to protect him from but he wanted to believe were good. People that even seemed to trick his friends, like Alex did. He tried so hard to believe but reality was, like Steve, he was lost in the fairy tales and _hoping_. His mistakes made sure he hurt for them. “..I’m not stupid though, I know..you probably still love him..”

Steve didn’t know what to expect from Bucky’s lips, but he never expected him to say that. Especially with the hurt in his voice that he hid and if he didn’t know his true feelings he most likely would have missed it because he was an idiot. He missed so many damn signs and now Bucky was so wary of him.

It was so clear now, like everything uncovered itself from the shade and the fog and sunlight brushed along the entirety of his world. Bucky cared about him so much it hurt, it hurt Steve to see how so very much he cared, how he was probably so tactless when he talked to him about Tony, or spoke in a way that involved him and Bucky only took it because he was there for him no matter what.

“I don’t. I don’t love him Buck. Believe me.”

_I love you_ sat in his throat, crawling and scratching to get out, spill away and tell him everything. Tell him in every single bit of detail how in love he was, that it was that way for a long time because there was no other way to explain it, but he knew it would have done more harm than good, that Bucky wouldn’t believe him and would take it as an insult. He damaged so much already there was no way he could tell him right then, he had to repair it before he could. And then there was Bucky himself needing mending. He drew in a soft terse breath, thoughts running through his mind as he studied Bucky, pulling away to stare at him a long moment as eyes avoided his, unsure of their closeness.

“I would never hit you,” Steve tried not to sound pissed off, tried not to sound bitter about even having to clear it up, that this was Bucky’s lot in life, physically reacting to actions that happened against him already, “You know that right?”

Bucky turned his head, confusion across his face.

“You,” Steve looking up a moment trying to form words in his head, careful as he licked his lips, his hands moving softly in between them, “When I yelled and moved toward you, you recoiled like I was about to hit you.”

“ _Oh_.” Bucky backed up a step to hugged himself tightly.

Steve only moved in, putting his arm around his shoulders, gentle and careful, but he wanted to make sure Bucky understood. “You know that though right? That I’d never hit you?”

Looking away, Bucky nodded, “Yeah, I know but I don’t really wanna talk about this though.”

“Okay. Alright.” Steve soothed out, pulling him in but not sure he would be well received, “I’m sorry for asking.”

Bucky curled into him, burying his face against Steve’s neck, “I’m tired.”

Steve fought the urge to frown, releasing a small inaudible sigh instead. Bucky effectively shut himself down and he knew pushing would only lead to another fight. Instead Steve pressed him tight to him, smoothing a hand across his back and rubbing him through his shirt.

He helped him into bed, Bucky peering at him as he laid back, pressing a hand softly to Steve’s chest when he moved to get into bed like an ingrained instinct to do so when he froze in confusion.

“I need you to go Steve. I..I can’t..”

He tried not to take it personally, a lump forming at the back of his throat where the bile rose and pressed, tears clouding over his eyes but refusing to fall as he nodded to Bucky, resting his hand over his. 

“Yeah, you’re right.”

Even he could hear the pain coming out of him and Bucky could only stare up at him like he was begging for his forgiveness. 

“Don’t Buck.” His hand softly brushed along his cheek, tips of his fingers brushing back Bucky’s stray hairs while his grey eyes stared at him hesitantly. “Don’t take any second to think what you want is wrong and don’t take it back..”

_I love you, I’ll wait for you forever._.

His heart beat faster the moment he watched Bucky turn his head to his fingers, ruby colored lips brushing along the heel of Steve's hand before he pressed them against his skin not exactly kissing the spot but saving it there for a future time. Steve begrudgingly pulled away not knowing what this all meant so abruptly parting ways but they were, Bucky turning himself entirely away and burying himself under the covers.

Steve closed his bedroom door as he let himself out. The hall eerily quiet except for the ticking of the clock and as he moved to hit the stairs, he wish he never heard the sound of Bucky’s muffled crying from inside his bedroom. He came to the bottom and wasn’t entirely surprised to see Imogen sitting with Nanook in the wing of the hall looking pensive and worried. She peered up at him and gave him a weak smile and he only mimicked the expression.

“I messed up and I didn’t do anything but I was blind to a lot of things. I don’t know how to make it better.”

She stood up, reaching to the front door for him, “Let him come back to you, it’s all you can really do.” 

Steve nodded, lips pressed and feelings weirdly empty and dissatisfied to the whole outcome even if it wasn’t supposed to look that way. He let himself out, hands digging deep into his pockets, shoulders slumping inwards.

Bucky refused to check if he left, didn’t want to move. Steve was only there in his orbit for minutes and Bucky was ruined to it. He reacted to every touch with one of his own, needing and finding himself pulled in and he hated being so susceptible to him like he had no control over it.

Seeing Steve though, _really_ seeing him when he spoke, the tone and the way he explained, he believed him. Even though he was inclined to believe he didn’t have anything to really do with what the picture was showing him, it felt much more substantial to hear him tell it. To have him explain with a hint of what Bucky could only describe as desperation, he wanted to call it desperation though he wasn’t exactly sure that was the right word for it. He only believed Steve when he was making a point that Bucky had to believe him, that it was important that he should. Bucky felt it. He was just so very affected still over the intended reason for the image because he knew that had to be on purpose. He was angry that no matter what, there was still a minor rift between them over it. 

In any case, he believed him, in his words and his need to make it right between them. The thing was though, Bucky found what people didn’t tell you was that sometimes when you stood up for yourself, because as much as he wanted Steve in his bed laying there through the night with him, he was hurt and he couldn’t ignore it. It wasn’t all roses and victory. That when you drew a line for space, you didn’t always get that feeling of elated achievement for getting it. Sometimes you felt like how he did now, full of pain and misery with the sensation of bathing in broken glass because you didn’t want to take in more and yet all that you felt afterwards was the never ending thrum of ongoing heartache for them being gone. All in the name of standing up for yourself.

*****

Steve jerked awake when the knock at the door came, startling him out of some unrecognizable dream in front of a black and white movie that was playing. He pulled himself up warily, fixing the patriotic red, white and blue bathrobe Sam had gotten him as a gag birthday gift a couple of years ago, his hair messed and pointing in different directions only in a pair of flimsy striped boxers and a white undershirt. The slow realization that he had slept the whole afternoon like that and well into late evening and that there wasn’t even a dog the size of a mini pony thundering through the hall added to his minor depression, wincing a little over the dull ache at his side. He blinked a couple of times before he undid the dead bolt and chain lock, pulling open the door and leaning against the frame.

“Wow, it’s only been a few days you look like crap. By the way when did you start dead bolting the door again?”

Steve could only grunt in response and shrugging because he didn’t even remember doing that, scratching at his scruffy beard and waiting for Sam to let himself in before he closed the door again. His friend held up a plastic bag with containers, “I brought leftovers.”

Circulating around the days in his head, Steve remembered it was Sunday. A quick look over at Sam’s pressed khaki’s and black golf shirt told him he was at Nat’s place for dinner and he was very sure she never packed him leftovers unless they were poisoned. Well, he assumed. He wasn’t entirely sure about Natasha. After their fateful night she had started to give him the cold shoulder, speaking only when it was something work related she couldn’t avoid and barely giving him a look. She didn’t do anything mean or spiteful, she only seemed not to want to give him her time. He figured it was just in reflection to how Bucky was doing. Pietro tried his best to lighten the tense mood they had built up the last two days but it only made things awkward and further uncomfortable. 

Bucky wanted his space and he didn’t blame him. Knowing what he knew, Bucky was trying to adjust to things and sort it out and Steve desperately wanted to spill his heart out to him but he knew it wouldn’t have mattered anyway. He would have only taken it as pity and that was the last thing he wanted Bucky to think Steve was doing and God he hated that Bucky would automatically assume that.

“Is it poisoned?” Came out before he had time to control himself and Sam frowned, bringing the food over to the kitchen table.

“Look, she’s not entirely mad- ” He looked up only to catch Steve’s sour face and Sam held up a hand, “Okay, a _little_ mad, but she gets it. She knows it’s all a misunderstanding but you have to give her space, give them all space.”

Steve held his arms out at his sides, “What have I been doing? I only see Nat at work and she gives me that look where if I speak to her outside of something work related, she’s going to castrate me. I don’t want to be castrated Sam. I go straight home, hope Brock isn’t mad at me for some reason or another outside the building again and I paint. Or I sleep or read or stare out the window and try to figure out how things went so fucking wrong. All I want to do is tell him he makes everything better. _Everything_. He makes me feel something Sammy, I want to pour my entire damn heart to Buck.”

Sam tucked the food into the fridge after dumping out the expired milk down the kitchen sink and tossing a few rotting vegetables out that were in the crisper drawer. He took a whiff of some five day old take out and made a horrified look, tossing that into the trash after some sandwich meat that was turning green.

“One, don’t call me Sammy, you know I hate it. I’m not some long haired white boy that makes a lot of sad faces on a show with monsters. Two, what the hell are you doing with this food Steve? Are you even checking your fridge?” 

Folding his arms over his chest as he sat down in one of the kitchen chairs, the blond shrugged helplessly, “I ate a peanut butter sandwich and only noticed the bread was moldy when I got to the end and could smell it on my fingers. That was last night, since then I’ve been avoiding the fridge.”

Looking up at the ceiling like he was trying to ask for strength, Sam shook his head and surveyed through it one last time before closing the fridge door. 

“Please do me a favor and cut this crap out. You’re better than this, you’re just being plain old childish right now you know that? Maybe you can’t cook but you constantly have fresh fruit and grains for your oatmeal and snacks, bread wouldn’t be moldy, your veggies wouldn’t be brown because you make a ton of salads with grilled chicken or tuna. If your ma was here she would be giving you an earful about this and go take a damn shower, I swear this apartment needs some windows open.”

“But it’s snowing outside.”

Sam frowned, “It doesn’t matter, it stinks like some weird sweat sock funk. You think Bucky wants to come back to this smell? You’re lucky I love you. Now please go shower, I need to put on some latex gloves to wipe that weird festering pool of something in your fridge.”

“Sam, it’s been two days since you were last here..”

His best friend leveled him with a _look_ , “My point exactly. _How_?”

Steve thought about saying something else about him not checking too much then or it would probably have been less freakish but he knew that look Sam was sporting enough to just keep his mouth shut and shuffle towards the bedroom to get a change of clothes for his shower.

He settled for Sam ranting at him under his voice about E.Coli festering in his fridge or something and demanding more bleach for his water solution when he got out of the shower.

*****

Bucky felt like he was going backwards in his session with Dr. Potts and she was letting him. She said it was alright to just not progress if that was how he felt, that he shouldn’t force things if he was upset about Steve. He was just upset it was hindering work he was trying to actually do, work for himself that he was _trying_ to get somewhere with but his mind was preoccupied with missing Steve and feeling slighted even if he never did anything. He believed him but he also wasn’t sure of himself if he should feel so easily convinced. He was afraid of his own instincts because they had been so wrong at times before this.

They talked about that, what happened, how everyone seemed to feel and treat him. Even about Brock and Jack because they were both on edge a little with each other, Brock being a dick because he was defensive especially when it came to Jack’s point of view on Steve and Jack with his avoidance on the real issue between them. 

Pepper only smiled and poured tea, listening like none of this was an issue during their private session when he felt like he was wasting their time. She only made a few comments of varied neutral levels like she wanted him to take the floor for the most part, which he supposed was the point. She got him out of his head if he was getting worked up or too anxious and in the end he felt better unloading without the threat of either being told he was wrong or without any of the sweet bubblegum affection everyone had for him while this was going on. He appreciated it but at the same time it was overwhelmingly sweet and cloy around his heart like it was too much. He just felt slightly suffocated because it was like they were afraid he would jump off the Brooklyn Bridge if he woke up one of the following days and felt like Steve didn’t care so they laid it on thick so he wouldn’t forget they were there too. He would never forget, just right now it was a lot to have on him while he was trying to recover from feelings that shouldn’t exist.

Dr. Potts ended their session with the suggestion of writing everything down in a journal, something he felt rather resistant to. The reason was mainly because of someone else reading it, but the idea looked more and more like a possibility where he could possibly do it and hide it away somewhere or make his own compartment somewhere to keep it hidden. She smiled at him with the understanding she always had and said if he chose to write, it would just be another outlet for him to take out his thoughts and frustrations if she wasn’t available.

He supposed he could as he left her office and made his way to the main lobby, it was just so awkward when he was comfortable with just her to bounce off of but she never pushed and that only made Bucky think that maybe he should go out for one just to put a few things in that could be innocent and not so incriminating. 

Stepping out of the building and taking a turn to his left while still mulling over his options, Bucky almost missed the thin beams of sunlight reflecting off dark sunglasses and very expensive red and gold designer sneakers clashing with a dark blue suit coming his way.

How the _hell_ did Tony find him here? It was probably the stupidest question he could ask right then because this was _Tony_. 

Bucky only picked up his pace and could hear Stark trying to keep up with him as he avoided the first immediate alley that was blocked but knew the next one over was a through one lane street for the garbage trucks, hoping to take that route out, refusing to take one of the awaiting banked cabs just in case Stark got into his, that was the last thing he would need. He turned his head towards his shoulder, “Get away from me Stark, or else.”

“Or else what?” He trailed behind a few handful of steps but they could speak normally at least and not look so awkward in their walking chase. “We’re going to break out into another fight like a pair of dominant alpha males looking to see who gets to mount the females? I come in peace Prince Melodramatic.” 

Bucky didn’t stop, glancing sharply at him over his shoulder before he looked ahead again, “It wouldn’t be a fight this time.”

Tony rolled his eyes almost jogging to keep up with him, “I _know_. You think being a child genius doesn’t leave me to realize you were throwing your punches? I have to admit, you really gave me a boost to my ego and hey we all know how much I need that every so often but sarcasm aside, I realized soon after you could have taken me out any time you wanted, you didn’t because of Steve.”

This made Bucky stop, turning around with an accusatory glare that almost caused Tony to run into him, “If you’re here on some errand boy run for Steve, I’d appreciate that you just get- ”

Stark raised his hands up in immediate surrender, cutting Bucky off, “Slow down Encyclopedia Dramatica. He doesn’t know I’m here. You know Rogers, he would never have sent me in hopes you two start running off through the wild flowers back into each others arms. I’m here on my own, no funny stuff. We all know who he would send if he wanted you to actually stop and listen.”

“Then we have nothing to talk about.”

Bucky turned to start walking again, but Tony looked over his suit and shook his head, “I didn’t put this suit on in the morning and expect to be chasing you down some dirty piss stinking alleyway.”

He broke into a run and grabbed Bucky’s arm trying to get him to stop, thinking that he might possibly only give him another brooding look, he didn’t expect to be shoved backwards out of hands reach with Barnes wearing an expression of a cornered animal flashing his eyes before he stepped away from him.

“Leave me alone Stark.”

Tony drew in a breath, keeping his distance with his hands going back up to show him he wasn’t playing any games, “Okay, okay just give me a minute will ya Barnes? Just one minute.”

Bucky’s shoulders were stiff and his body tense as he folded his arms over his chest, “What?”

“You win. You know that right? You win. There was no love loss when we broke up, he likes you. He. _Adores_. You. You Barnes. If he got any crazier he would probably paint your portrait on the side of a building because he saw it in a rom-com and figured you would love it.”

Tony could tell by the way Bucky was looking at him that he didn’t believe a word he was saying and hey, he couldn’t really blame him. All he could do was talk and that’s generally what he did best.

“When we pressed lips in some pseudo-philosophical attempt at a kiss..” Bucky’s eyes darkened and Tony formed an O shape with his mouth, sucking in a breath, “It wasn’t even a kiss alright, he still has nice lips and all but- ”

Foot. In. Mouth. Stark.

Tony winced with an expression that hopefully said yeah he was fully aware how backwards some of the things he said really was.

“There was nothing. No fireworks, no ‘can we make this work’, no feelings. It was like kissing a dead fish and we knew what we liked but every second he was with me, I knew he wasn’t really there. He came to check on me, he’s my friend. He called and asked to drop by when he felt he was ready to and checked to see if I was. At first I was dubious and we still have things to talk about but all we did was talk, don’t..don’t shut him out because of some photo someone took and spread all over the place. It’s been you Barnes, I think even before when I knew we were doomed to go our separate ways he was picking you.”

Bucky frowned, folding his arms tighter over his chest, jaw clenched as he tried not to grind down on his teeth. It didn’t matter what Tony was saying, part of him didn’t believe him and the other part was pointing out how the damage was already done. 

“Are you done?”

A small sign of resigned disappointment crossed Stark’s features before he nodded a little, “Yeah. I’m done I guess.”

Bucky only wanted to get far far away from anywhere Tony was, shouldering his backpack and walking at a more brisk pace.

“He asked my advice about asking you out, you know.” Tony called out. “In high school I mean.”

Bucky stopped, halfway down the alleyway already, he didn’t turn around, his head turned just slightly to show he was listening.

“Yeah. Him and Sharon broke things off, told me that maybe he made a mistake caring about what people thought of their Captain. Said there was a guy he kind of really liked in his art class. Said you had _something_ about you he couldn’t pinpoint but he liked. He was definitely going to ask you out.”

Bucky lingered a breath, blinking softly as he stared off, “He could have just asked me..” Just loud enough that Tony heard him and the sadness in his voice.

“We were in high school, he was nervous. No one knew exactly what they were doing, well ‘cept me obviously, but Steve, he liked you.”

Bucky sighed, taking his leave, “And then you two broke up and then sort of fake kissed each other while I was waiting for him to get over you or something. Even that I don’t even know fully about. Thanks for the motivational pep talk Stark, I’ll recommend you to all my friends.”

Tony watched him flip him the finger and walk away with his head down.

Well, so much for trying.

He fished out his phone, scrolling through his contacts before pressing it to his ear, “Hello? Yeah so I went to go talk to Barnes.”

He cringed at the response, fanning his hand about, “I _know_ what you said and I figured maybe a word from me might do the trick. Where? Uh, outside his doctor’s office.”

Tony yanked the phone away from his ear when the person hollered out his name, tentatively bringing it back when the sound died down, “Because asking him for a cup of coffee would have really worked out for the best Wilson.”

Groaning out in the response, he shrugged a little, “Anyway I told him it meant nothing, I even told him that thing Steve never told you about. The Sharon thing with him thinking he was gay and not bisexual like he thought and asking me about it and mentioning ‘some guy in his art class’ that turned out to be Barnes? Yeah, he didn’t believe a word of anything I said.”

Sam’s voice rose on the phone and Tony could only roll his eyes, holding it away from his ear, “I said I was sorry! Okay I didn’t. I’m not sorry at all. No Samuel, I’m not. I told him Steve was crazy for him. _No dad_ I didn’t tell him he was in love with him, I said crazy not love, I said Steve was living in a rom-com because he’s so stupid into him. Brandishing the L word to a wounded man would have some ill effects doctor Wilson don’t you know that?”

Stark made the face of a child that didn’t get the point of being lectured, eyes staring up at the sky with his mouth slightly hung open as Sam went into a huge statement about jumping someone after an appointment with a clinical psychologist and of course Barnes didn’t want to believe anything he was saying and that he should have thought it out before doing it.

“Alright, I get it. Don’t talk to Barnes. Got it. I’m getting out of here, this alleyway smells and I need a stiff drink.”

*****

Steve wasn’t sure what it was, the rain and melting snow making him wonder if Bucky was warm and safe somewhere. It had been a couple days since they saw each other and Tony had only made it worse by attempting to make it better. Though he couldn’t blame him for trying and there was no reason to hold a grudge about it. He cleaned up lingering paint brushes and dumped them into the sink. It was the footsteps he could clearly hear because nothing was on inside his place, no music, no television, nothing but him and the sound of some outsider’s footsteps on thick carpet.

Keys jingled but then there was nothing and so close to his door it made him wonder and wait there, wondering if it was a neighbor, maybe Mrs. Alvarez taking a walk but there was nothing else for at least a good minute before he got curious to what happened and peeked through the small peephole to see what it was. 

When he realized it was Bucky, he was unlocking the door and throwing it open, finding him standing there looking like a drowned rat. His teeth chattered lightly as he stood dripping all over the floor and Steve could only look at him in shock.

“What happened?”

Water pooled at his feet, slowly expanding outwards with thick heavy drops of water, hands out but gnarled in awkward half fists because they were shaking and it was the small meek sound of distress that hit Steve like a truck.

Quickly he yanked Bucky inside and slammed the door closed. Steve left him there as he moved to the hall closet, grabbing a large towel, and second regular sized one. He wasn’t sure if Bucky didn’t want to answer or couldn’t answer, the corner of his eye seeing arms wrapped around himself. Steve draped the large oversized beach towel around his shoulders wrapping it tight.

“Jesus Buck, you’re freezing.”

Bucky closed his mouth to hide the chatter, bottom jaw trembling as his grey eyes could only plead to be warm while Steve unwrapped the second towel to carefully dry out his hair and wipe down his rain washed face. 

“Buck..”

Bucky shivered under his hands, skin ice cold and Steve felt his face tense up further, bottom lip pulled into his mouth. Everything was wet through and he dropped the towels, tugging off his hoodie that was so bogged down by water it felt three times as heavy as it usually was. 

“You need to strip, everything’s soaked.”

Bucky kept eyes locked on Steve’s face as he looked him over after tossing the wet garment on the floor with a noisy slap on the wood, he pulled up his t-shirt and Bucky was moving just enough to allow Steve to strip him down to his boxers. His skin prickled with goosebumps and Steve turned to grab the thin throw blanket sitting rolled up on the top of the couch, putting it around his shoulders. He moved to the hallway to tug one of the stored blankets out of the closet, unfurling it and bundling Bucky into it for extra insulation.

He brushed damp hair from his eyes, a few bits trying to cling to his cheekbones, “How are you doing? You okay?”

Blinking a few times, Bucky stuttered a nod as he continued to shiver. 

Steve pulled him against his chest, his hands vigorously rubbing at his back, “What’s gotten into you? It’s freezing rain out there, not just normal rain. It might snow again it’s so cold and you’re _soaked_. Have you lost your damn mind Buck?” He held him close, shaking his head in concern.

Bucky only pressed into him, tucking his face against Steve’s neck, “T-took a walk. W-wanted to..s-see you..I'm s-sorry.”

“A walk? Are you kidding me right now? Lucky you didn’t get hypothermia, shit.” He stopped himself and dropped his head tiredly, “Come here, just..press into me.”

This wasn’t at all how he expected to see Bucky but he took it, water off his skin soaking into his clothes, he spread his hands all over Bucky's body, vigorously rubbing around limbs and to his back keeping a rough friction at all times. He felt Bucky’s mouth tremble as his face pressed harder against the side of his neck and Steve didn’t bother asking for permission before he scooped him up in his arms, bare feet aimlessly dangling off one of his arms and leaving a vague trail of water drops on the floor while his own side was stabbing at him in vague protest. 

He gently put Bucky down on the bed, tugging his other blanket around him before Steve climbed in pulled him into his lap, “God you’re freezing. Jesus Buck.”

Bucky squirmed, shifting a little as he sat sideways onto his lap to curl his face against Steve’s neck as his friend tried to tuck the blanket around his feet, softly nosing against Bucky’s ear.

“Cold Stevie..”

He unconsciously pressed a kiss to Bucky’s earlobe, “I got you Buck, you’ll be fine in a little bit. I’m going to fix you a hot bath once you get a little warmed up, not right now though, we’ll just settle here for now. If I do it too soon you might go into shock. Is that okay?”

He felt him nod. “I’m sorry.”

A large warm palm pressed against Bucky’s forehead and he leaned into it, a soft barely there sigh slipping out of him. Steve dragged it along the top of his head, “Stop apologizing.”

He chased Steve’s warm touch, “Cold.”

“I know you are, we have to take it slow.”

Steve wanted to say more about not having to apologize and how stupid this was of him. For now though he came back to the sound of lightly chattering teeth pressed against the pulse of his neck, cold nose trying to bury harder against his skin. He rubbed Bucky’s back, cheating a little when he discreetly nuzzled at the spot just behind his earlobe, breathing out through his nose to let it tickle the skin there and distract him from the chill. He knew it was a spot Bucky liked, seeing Johnny hit it a few times and trigger a starry eyed look from his friend, he only hoped him doing it wouldn’t be something adverse and in actuality rose the internal temperature in his body..

And it did. The second Bucky felt Steve touch him there, he tightly gripped the covers he had his hands buried into, arching slightly but fighting to keep himself sedate. It was hard not to respond like he wanted, biting the inside of his cheek to keep himself in check. The touch felt like a flame lit inside of him, warm and rolling through, a shiver running down his spine and he forced himself not to make a pleased sound.

Bucky righted himself as he felt his face flush hoping it could be mistaken for just bringing his temperature back to normal, staring at Steve with glassy grey eyes. He reached out with one hand, fingers softly brushing Steve’s beard, his thumb softly outlining his bottom lip and Steve pressed his lips together to kiss it. He attempted to mask the shudder the best he could but he smiled, feeling himself ease in and couldn’t hide it, tucking his face back against Steve’s neck while strong hands returned to rub his back vigorously. 

Bucky wasn’t sure how much time passed, easily feeling himself lull into a protected doze when Steve gently pressed a palm against his lower back to give him a light shake before he was moved off and onto the bed, “I’m gonna draw your bath, just keep in those blankets.”

Shivering with a nod once his warm body was gone, Bucky was burying himself deep, pulling part of the blanket over his head as the cold still frosted around his bones threatening never to leave him. His mind trailed off to Steve’s touch behind his ear wanting more and he had almost asked him for it but was glad he didn’t, his brain reminding him of how all over the place he was right now. He still wanted to keep his distance, give himself time to not feel so wronged when he wasn’t as much as he knew he was terrible at limiting himself. 

Eventually Steve came back while Bucky was only half aware of anything, tired and feeling listless, he opened his eyes when there were footsteps in the bedroom, the bed dipping and then the blanket unveiling him, a smile across Steve’s face. 

“Hey, your bath is ready. Come on.”

Bucky gave him a small nod, letting him lead with one of the blankets shed and then another one in the hallway. Steve helped with the rest and Bucky turned to climb in only to be stopped as Steve gingerly reached his hands up slowly so he saw he was making a move to unhook the ball chain and remove the keys from around his neck. Swallowing lightly, when they were set on the counter, Bucky slipped into the scalding water in his boxers, his eyes practically rolling at the back of his head at how _good_ it felt, a small smile playing at his lips at the overkill of bath bubbles Steve had dumped in, not trusting his tongue to speak properly yet to comment. 

“Do you want me to go?”

Bucky shook his head and felt a flutter of something when Steve parked himself down beside the tub, leaning himself before the toilet and bending his knees so he could rest his arms against them. Bucky let himself sink down completely into the water, resurfacing with a hand swiping across his face to wipe away the excess water and soapy froth before he tilted his head back against the tiled wall with his eyes closed. 

He outstretched his hand and let it hang off the edge. Steve swallowed as he stared at it, long fingers made a path for the water to follow a route and drip off the tips. He wasn’t sure if he was supposed to take it this time, hold his hand like he had before and so he didn’t, leaning his back some more as he only turned to glance up at the white ceiling overhead. 

There was a long silence, the soft drops of water dripping from the tap causing a gentle sound against the bath before Steve loosely crossed his legs remembering barely a week ago that Bucky said ‘I missed you’ to him right here.

Bucky didn’t have to open his eyes to know he was being stared at, running his fingers along his temple to brush his bangs back into wet hair before he let his arm dip back into the water. A small part of him wanted to smile, just because, wanted to accommodate Steve because he knew he was wanting to be there for him and keep a connection like they always did. It was sweet and nice because they both liked that, but Bucky just couldn’t right then and he was trying to be honest with himself though there was also a fragment of him that wanted Steve to be a little forward.

It barely took any time before he was off and away, falling asleep in the protected warmth of his bath, temple pressed against the tiles and his Prince Charming keeping him safe.

When Bucky woke back up, confused at first in lukewarm water Steve kept an eye on, vulnerable and soft as a hand reached for him and clutched at arm. Steve made sure he was aware again before he spoke, “You’re in the bath because you’re insane and walking in the snow and rain in soaked clothes, remember?” 

Blinking slowly as everything sank back in, Bucky nodded tiredly, color sitting around his cheeks and pulling at the towel waiting for him at the lip of the tub by his feet. 

Steve ejected himself to the living room but not before holding up his phone, “I sent a few texts to Clint to tell him what happened while you were napping so they’re not worried. You might have to talk to them later when you feel up to it but for now at least they know you’re okay.”

Bucky hadn’t thought about that, a pang of guilt hitting his chest before he grimaced and gave Steve a nod. He only really wanted to have a smoke outside, he didn’t even have a rhyme or reason for that either, he just felt like having one and then before he knew it he was walking away from the house. It was probably one of the most stupidest things he had done on instinct and he knew he was going to get an earful when he talked to Natasha.

A new movie playing on the classic film channel. It was one Steve didn’t recognize, parking down in the same spot he always sat at after cleaning up the mess by the door, throwing Bucky’s clothes into the laundry basket so he could drip dry them in the tub when the bathroom was empty. He salvaged his phone and his wallet but the quarter empty pack of cigarettes were done for and those got thrown in the trash not that Steve really cared if they were something he could save. He set the lighter with the other things on the coffee table and some loose change. Upon further inspection there was a flattened chocolate bar in one of the back pockets and Steve looked towards the bathroom in confusion not sure if this was before or after Bucky’s journey to his apartment, one that was at least a couple of hours walk if he thought about it. He threw that away too, if his friend had something to say about it Steve would offer to buy him a whole box, no one needed a sat on candy bar but he smiled nonetheless, it seemed very Bucky and he missed the little things with him.

Minutes stretched out a bit before Bucky came out to join him, thick socks on his feet and his favored Christmas pants. He managed to find Steve’s favored red hoodie easily enough and had pulled that on. Steve was a little too excited to cuddle up with him, the comforting feeling of having him back and everything going back in order running through his head.

Maybe he was asking for too much.

Maybe that’s why he couldn’t hide the surprise crossing his face when Bucky ignored the couch altogether and curled up on the armchair far away from him. 

He supposed he had no idea it was going to hurt like this, it _had_ hurt a lot to be without him and having insider information he only felt worse about it now.

Bucky caught his eye, shying for a second at Steve’s expression, “Are there..any extra blankets, not wet?”

Quickly schooling his face, Steve crushed the devastation it probably projected out as he reached for the blanket then realized it was in the laundry basket. His brain finally started working, lifting a finger to gesture for his friend to wait while he shuffled off to grab the other blanket from bedroom closet.

Bucky didn't know who he was kidding. The cold numbed the pain, but only temporarily and Steve made him warm and happy. He couldn’t escape the hurt, and couldn’t stop trying to stop himself from a hurt betrayal that never even existed. He was sure Ward was behind it, behind every weird event going on lately because he had man up’ed to them so far and showed his blatant disregard for him because he wanted answers and would do anything for them. Money and power would protect him, at least in his damn head, but Bucky was sure..so sure that the moment it would become truly bad for him and Ward got caught, Judge Pierce would cut him loose as a liability. The thing was though, Bucky was afraid of what push that would be and yet he didn’t know how to stop him. Not yet at least.

He stared around, not even one sign of Tony for the sake of Steve’s sanity but there were signs of him because he had seen this as a place of solace for a little bit, he wasn’t sure though anymore because he wasn’t sure what was right for him. An unhealthy need for Steve overtaking his mind because it was easier to and was this okay for him or was this what he wanted right now because it was Steve he was addicted to? 

He stopped thinking when he rested his eyes on the painting of Sarah sitting on the easel Steve had left her on at the corner of the room beside the bookshelf. It was like a small cozy space for her and she offered a smile like she was real and there trying to make Bucky feel okay again. He knew it was crazy, only knowing her from what Steve had told him but it was like she was there to tell him to keep his head together and to try. He had no idea why Steve’s mother would even be speaking to him through a canvas of colors, he didn’t know her. He didn’t. Yet he believed Steve, and everything he said, that she would have really liked him and he wished he had met her at least once so he could nod to the statement and say he already knew that. He sighed instead and curled himself tighter into a ball, tears blurring his eyesight. He was so confused about his feelings, about what they wanted him to honestly do and what would be right for him.

Steve was back unfolding a blanket to air it out a little before he brought it over to Bucky who took it gratefully.

“Thank you,” He pointed at the couch, trying to make a fruitless gesture that made sense, “I uh, I’m not that, um I just want to sit by myself.”

Steve got it, he understood. It wasn’t like Bucky was going to tell him outright that he didn’t trust him because he had his heart broken thanks to his lack of thinking ahead and predicting scenarios. He was aware it was wholly impossible but he should have known better, he knew Tony’s laid back attitude, knew how it may look if he spent the night no matter how innocent but he didn’t care because he saw no reason to really worry. Now Bucky probably loathed the fact that he came running back to him. At least there was a hope and a deeper way of going about everything now that he knew where he stood with him.

A twinge of pain rippled at his side, his hand going to the spot where his liver were located, flashing Bucky a small smile, “It’s okay. I understand you two have issues and I kinda acted like I was being selfish implying that I slept with Tony when I only just took a guest room. I wasn’t thinking much about it looking bad and then that picture happened. All of it was stupid and misleading, just me looking like I didn’t know what the hell I was doing and running back to Tony.”

_I’m sorry._

Bucky forced a smile up at him, curling up tighter with the blanket, nodding to the movie, “What’s playing?”

Steve faltered a bit at Bucky rerouting because he didn’t wanna talk about it, that was fine. He was open and willing to do whatever made him feel comfortable right now. It was the least he could do, Sam was right to say his lack of thinking screwed him up. He fucked up royally and Bucky was here, just like Natasha had told him he would because he cared and that was his downfall almost seeing how at war he probably was in his mind, how rationally his head was saying he should stay away from Steve because he hurt. Steve himself would have stayed away finally but Bucky thought with his _heart_ , he seemed to have walked in the cold and the rain to be with the person he cared about and he was the piece of shit who didn’t realize Bucky’s feelings earlier. Honestly now thinking back, it was so obvious he couldn’t believe he didn’t even _try_ to figure it out. The truth was easy on that though because he was afraid Bucky would never feel that way about him and as deeply as he did. He still didn’t, he just knew enough to know he cared about him enough to have feelings, he wasn’t sure the depth that mixed with the sweet nature Bucky had. It was a complicated mess, a mess Steve refused to make any worse right then. He had to make his moves thoughtfully, he didn’t want to run Bucky further away.

He shook his head, “I don’t know, it seems to have just started. You okay to watch it?”

His friend nodded, sinking tighter in the blanket. He could see the slight cold he felt, and he knew full well he could fix that with just his close presence but instead he turned and finished off hanging Bucky’s wet clothes in the bathroom and throwing anything damp or soaked into the laundry basket keeping a mental note about getting everything washed in the morning.

When he sat back down he pretended he didn’t see tear tracks reflecting off Bucky’s cheeks, trying hard to hide it with the press of the blanket close to his mouth. Steve felt like he was at the end of his rope, there was nothing he could say to bring Bucky back to him right then, he wasn’t sure if he could mend the unnecessary hurt and the only person he could blame was himself. Maybe he was overreacting, Bucky would slowly learn to understand it was all wrong, that it was a misunderstanding but he also knew how Bucky allowed things to haunt him and that picture was most likely doing that to him. They had to have patience, both in their own way, it was the only thing to do and Steve hated himself a little bit more.

He offered up his bed when Bucky started dozing, warm and comfortable like he was, quickly adding that he would take the couch in return. It took Bucky a few seconds to contemplate it before he nodded and left for the bedroom and Steve took it as a good chance to get himself some sleep. It was something just to have Bucky there in the same place no matter if they were sleeping apart. Steve settled for anything at this point.

He laid himself out on the couch for hours in the dark watching the rain hit the glass, too busy torturing himself to fall asleep in time. He had gone into the room and grabbed a pillow, forgoing the blanket since he was sure it was the last one and Bucky was using it, the heat was fine as it was anyway. They traded awkward, evidently uncomfortable goodnight’s and now he was in the living room without any plan to sleep. It was so quiet, so painfully quiet he also thought the choked sound was from a different apartment, sometimes it happened. Seconds rolled in, the soft patter of water hitting glass relaxing him a little in his tense state before he heard it again but with muffled sobbing. This time he sat up because that was coming from inside the apartment, acutely too aware now to everything, soft very faint sniffles following after muffled tears and Steve couldn’t ignore that. Sympathetic brows knit together and all he could think of was how this was entirely his fault. 

He didn’t bother with sneaking or pretense, heavy bare feet thudding along wood floors as he made his way through the dark and into his bedroom. A sliver of warning crossed his mind that Bucky might lash out but he was already ignoring everything to take care of him like he always wanted, like the natural instinct to do so always told him to. He climbed into the bed and sat down beside the body, uncovering the blanket that had been unhelpfully trying to drown Bucky’s unhappy sobs.

He realized Bucky hadn’t even heard him coming up, the way his body abruptly froze but Steve wasn’t phased, hushing tears and pained noises to pull him into his arms. He felt arms trying to struggle, palms push into his shoulders to distance himself but the fight was conflicted and weak, Steve not saying a word as he easily tugged him in and long legs effortlessly wrapped loosely around his waist, arms slipping locked around his neck. 

Bucky pressed himself in, tears streaming down as he hid his face against Steve’s neck and all Steve could do was hold him tight, so tight he knew he was hurting him, wrists locked and pressed into the small of Bucky’s lower back protectively, he felt so lost yet so entirely right like this with Bucky in his arms. He tried his best to placate Bucky’s mood, nose rubbing into skin, a strain of tears rolling down his own face that he barely knew he was holding back, too focused on the way the body against him jerked from sucking in sharp jagged breaths of air, trying to not cross that borderline to hysterical as he kept crying.

“Why can’t I get past feeling mad Stevie, you didn’t do anything wrong and I feel like my brain is going in circles and I- ” Bucky simply stopped, breathing out into his skin, lips parted soft and damp, chest hiccuping as he gulped for more air.

Steve couldn’t even answer that because he knew Bucky felt hurt and brokenhearted but there was no way he could tell him that much. He couldn’t relay that Bucky couldn’t just shut that off even if it was a mistake because pain was pain and he could only try to get over it as best as he could at his own speed. Steve wondered if he never entered his life would Bucky be happier that way, the draw of his own lips pressing against dampened salty skin. 

“I don’t know Buck, you put yourself out there and worked hard. No one ever wants to feel like someone doesn’t appreciate what they did for them, especially when it’s by a good friend. I’m sorry.”

_And for breaking your heart._

Bucky’s fingers gripped into Steve’s hair, fists closing in tight and there were pricks of pain dancing all over his scalp. 

“Am I that weak..?”

Steve pulled back, pushing Bucky upright only to look up at his face, hands cupping his jaw. He brought his head forward, pressing their foreheads together and all he wanted to do was tell him the truth and that he knew and that he loved him so much, “No, don’t ever let anyone tell you that you’re weak. You’re everything good Buck, you care about my well being so much and that’s so important when you do that with everyone. I love- ”

He caught himself, he couldn’t, lowering his tone, not right now it was much too early, “I love that you love things you don’t just like them. You hide behind your bravado sometimes but you’re sweet and sensitive, it’s what the world always needs. So kind, it’s one of the first things I saw in you. That you were smiling and so kind to everyone.”

Bucky stared at him, eyes welling up with tears and spilling down his face, “Kind?”

Because yes, it was one of the first things that Steve fell for. Bucky’s perfect kindness, kindness he didn’t understand and still doesn’t because he had always been hurt and scared over different things. That Steve saw Bucky being put into bad spots in life and that he was still kind was something so pure, so very right and amazing to him.

“Something happened the day you were made Bucky. Something special happened.”

Wet glassy grey eyes stared at him like he was too afraid to speak, too startled and Steve only fell in love more with him. He was sad and upset but there was something in those eyes if even for a second that smiled for him, appreciated being told truths even if he was resistant to them at times and for just that small window Steve could do anything with Bucky looking at him like that.

“I know none of what the truth is matters. That it’s a mess and made to look like a mess. All you need to know is that I care, I always care, _will_ always care. I’m sorry it seemed like all your sacrifice looked like it was in vain.”

Bucky turned his face away and buried it into straw colored hair, “You don’t have anything to be sorry for Stevie.”

Steve had so much to be sorry for.

He moved to lay Bucky back on the sheets, warm still from the touch of his body and moved to sit back only to feel the hand at his side pulling at his shirt and drawing him in. Steve obliged and laid himself over, blanketing him and protecting Bucky as he rested on his forearms to keep his weight balanced out. Steve dropped his head down, resting his mouth against Bucky’s shoulder and the brunette only kept him close, fingers tangling into the material of his t-shirt as his cheek pressed against his jaw.

Steve lightly drew in the pale scent of lavender and baby lotion, such calm soft perfect little smells that Bucky gave off with his own and he swallowed thickly as Bucky’s nose trailed against his jaw not sure if he was inviting him for something, his fingers closing in and balling into fists and so close and confusingly intimate. In reality it couldn’t be even if he wanted it to be, Bucky was a ball of emotions and if everything was true, possibly staking some sort of claim because he was so scattered may not be the best laid plans when he was like this. Bucky had tendencies to resort to sex like it was a numbing agent for his emotions, Steve saw it first hand and he didn’t want to make any more mistakes between them.

As much as Steve didn’t like it, he drew his head back and tilted it away, he’d be lying if said he missed the rejected look in the brunette’s eyes even in the twilight. “Bucky.”

Grip loosened and Bucky looked away, hands shrinking into sleeves and no, this was not. _No._

Steve rolled off him and settled against the side of his body, wrapping an arm around with a purposefully heavy grip and he was hushing him; gentle and soft like Bucky would escape him like a frightened fawn if he said anything louder and didn’t hold on to him. 

“Shh,” He whispered, pressing his nose against the side of Bucky’s neck and tracing the pulse point there with a gentle ease as he felt the rapid drum of his heart. They were better like this, Steve was better like this so he wasn’t tempted to stay over him like he wanted to eat him alive because he did, he _could_ and Bucky probably wanted him to but it wasn’t right and instead he did what he was also alternatively good at, he took care of him. 

Instead of anger or insistence to be released, Bucky calmed, heart taking its time to ease but it did, hands slipping out of sleeves only to rest against his arm and fingers traced careful patterns that he picked up a little of. In his calm Bucky made Ursa Major across his forearm. A heart found it’s way over Steve’s own, thumb tracing it and Steve tried to still the way his began beating and begging to release all his secrets to Bucky.

Bucky turned partially onto his side but pulled him in, Steve draping his body partially over his side and palm heavy to the back of his neck. He felt himself smile against lightly stubbled cheek because even though it was almost back to how they were minutes ago, their whole mood was different now and more gentle than sexually intimate. 

“You’re okay.”

Humming agreeably, Bucky tilted his face into him, lips lost in wisps of his course beard and he shook his head a little as he softly laughed, ticklish as hands cupped Steve’s face and thumbs brushed along his cheeks.

“Sorry, I should shave.”

“ -No.” Fingers stroked along his face, “Leave it, please?”

_Anything, for you. Anything you want. I’ll give it to you._

“Okay.” He whispered out instead, closing his eyes to fingers lulling him into a wonderful sense of security, feeling everything negative and bad bleed out of him, worry slipping away and he was entirely pliant and obedient to Bucky’s touch. His arm tightened around Bucky’s middle and squeezed him firm to his frame, curling his face into the space at the side of his neck feeling Bucky fidget to hairs tickling him before he stilled again, a hand pressing against the back of Steve’s and he spread his fingers to fit Bucky’s between his tangling them together.

_I love you._

*****

The first thing Steve smelled as he continued to keep the last few seconds of sleep he had left dancing around him, when he was really aware of waking up, was Bucky and everything tied to him. Sunshine, warmth and light, chocolate and coffee, mint and baby powder and the faint remnants of that lavender bubble bath he liked at times. Sweet soft things, happy good things that clung to him and breathed every breath with him. He was going to make everything right, no matter how much work it was going to take. He wanted Bucky to look at him like he used to and never go back to feeling scared to put his feelings into him.

Except.

He opened his eyes when he felt the cool spot beside him. Bucky was gone, completely gone. His side table was neat, the leg of the sweats he wore peeking out of the hamper. Immediately Steve pulled himself up to investigate the rest of the bedroom and everything sat like it had been before Bucky had even shown up from the rain.

“No.” He tore away the blanket and bare feet pounded the wood flooring to look around the living room and kitchen. There was nothing and Steve tried not to panic, “No. No, no, _no_.”

His best bet was Natasha’s, unless Bucky confined himself to his own room. He did enough to look presentable if he counted brushing his teeth and grabbing a jacket and his helmet before jumping on his bike and riding like a lunatic in his sweats. The only thing in his head was trying to coax Bucky from collapsing into himself, there was no way he could let him stay in a pit of self loathing hurt and he just wanted to show him how much he really meant to him, in some shape or form. They were good, or so he thought so why did he leave?

He knew Natasha and Clint had work, shoes bounding up the first couple of stoop steps and his fist was knocking desperately at the door. He didn’t even hear Lucky like he usually did he when he got to the door but that didn’t really click to him as he knocked again, peering up towards the windows at the second floor in hopes there was movement.

“Bucky! C’mon if you’re in there please open the door!”

He rang the bell again and took a couple of steps back to look at the sitting room window hoping for any sort of movement, feet shuffling around anxiously as he waited a few seconds. In his hurry he paid no attention to the cars parked at the curb, he missed the black Impala the most. He knew immediately when the door opened that he shouldn’t have.

Steve’s heart practically leaped out of his chest when he heard the deadbolt turning just before the door was opened and to his dumbfounded surprise it was Brock at the other side and the guy was ready for a fight.

Steve took a couple steps back when he watched him stalk out, eyes alight and full of rage. He didn’t even register the fist connecting to his face, the power behind it sending him off the landing. He blindly tried to make a grab for _anything_ and found nothing as his hand closed around air, turning before he felt himself smashing his shoulder with a soft crack onto concrete in front of where the steps started, the side of his skull bouncing against the hard surface with it. He saw blackness and a spark of white, his head cloudy and disoriented, pain roared from his upper arm, rippling and flaring up. He could hear Brock following with casual deliberate footsteps like a predator to prey.

“Who the fuck gave you the idea to think you could come up here and _demand_ Bucky give you the time of day huh?”

A foot connected hard into his ribs and he couldn’t help the groan of pain, trying to curl himself in the best he could, nausea and dizziness overcoming him. 

Brock pulled roughly at his arm to sit him up, looming over. One hand tightly gripped his t-shirt as another fist connected with his face. 

“I guess you just don’t learn Rogers and you’re in fuckin’ luck because I’m in the mood to repeat myself.”

Steve felt himself tumble backwards when he was let go again, trying his best to get his bearings and rid the throbbing he was feeling through his entire body. Blood dripped down his chin as he warily opened his eyes to plead up at Brock, holding his hands up in surrender. He wasn’t going to fight back, he couldn’t if Bucky was there, eyes seeing three Rumlows standing there, slowly forming into one.

“Rumlow please! I don’t..” Steve winced, he felt like he was drugged, sinking slow down in a bed of quicksand. He blinked his eyes a few times in an attempt to stay focused, breathing coming out labored and heavy after he was kicked in his side, reawakening the blunt soreness lingering around his liver. He was sure he was slipping into unconsciousness from a concussion but he had to fight it off, just a few minutes it was all he was asking for, blood pounding loudly in his ears. “ -No trouble. I wanted to see him! I know I fucked up..Brock.. _Brock_ \- ”

Rumlow’s foot connected square into his stomach, sending Steve rolling back. He collapsed on his face against the sidewalk pavement, the pain causing his whole body to tremble, vision trying to clear up but it was difficult, everything was so damn cumbersome to do suddenly, limbs refusing to work, especially legs just like last time. 

“You ain’t comin’ near him, you ain’t ever comin’ near him ever again. You hearin’ me Rogers? If I gotta beat you within an inch of your life to get that through your stubborn ass thick skull I’ll do it. He ain’t goin’ through this mess again, not when I’m still breathin’!”

“ _Please_ ,” Steve turned his head, speech slurring and pitiful, his cheek scraping slow against the cement as he was swallowing down the bile rising in his throat, “Rumlow please. I swear..”

Brock hunched over him, hands pressed against his thighs, “You swear what Rogers? You swear you ain’t gonna hurt him? Swear you ain’t gonna make him cry? Swear you ain’t gonna break his heart?” He squatted down before Steve, smiling ruefully, “Funny thing about that, ya did. More than once, ya did it. You couldn’t even keep your dick in your pants after he took care of ya, could ya? Nah, you had somethin’ nice already, Buck was just this pretty little thing for you to mess ‘round with huh? Make you feel good, boost your fuckin’ ego while he paid attention to ya?”

Tears prickled in Steve’s eyes, Brock’s words jagged and cold but there was clear anger and rage around them. His eyes stared at him lifelessly, void of anything human. All Steve was to him was the problem he wanted to erase.

“Brock!” Bucky tore past the front door, Lucky running along side him freely, . “No, no no no. No..!”

Immediately Brock turned and pointed a finger at Bucky causing him to freeze on the steps, “ _No_.”

Lucky whined at Steve’s side, pressing his wet nose against one of his hands. His hand moved, just enough to rest it against to top of the dog’s head, his shaky fingers stroking soft fur, blood matting and streaking into it.

“Brock.” Bucky’s voice was tight and clipped, a tremble resonating in it.

Rumlow turned to look back at Steve, “You stay over there Kiddo, I mean it.” 

“I swear I didn’t, I didn’t know he felt like that..” Words slipped softly out of his mouth, a flare of something sharp jolting through Steve and he winced, “Please just need to talk. Need to talk to Buck, make it right. Tell him..”

Everything was addressing Steve to sleep, the cool sidewalk pressing into his cheek, life was going to be easier if he just closed his eyes was what he was being told in his head. Just for a moment.

A sharp slap struck his face, rousing him to blink a few times, Brock casually smirking at him, “Tell ‘im what Rogers? Gettin’ me all curious now big guy.”

“Rummy _please_! You’re scaring me.” Bucky choked out, whimpering softly as he gripped Nanook by the collar because the dog was trying to pull away from him. “Look at what you’re doing, he needs help. Something’s wrong. Brock!”

Lucky had run past him and Bucky wasn’t worried about that, watching in horror at what was going on before his eyes, but the alarming growl coming from Nanook was startling him a little, fingers tightening around his collar a bit more as he looked to his side and saw the hairs standing up and teeth bared and _oh God_. If he didn’t trust his own dog he would have been afraid of how vicious he looked, making a small noise as he jerked him back the second Nook tried to shoot forward when Brock kicked Steve again.

Nanook wanted to go protect Steve.

“Brock stop!”

Nook suddenly started to bark. Trying harder to get away from Bucky as jaws snapped and mouth curled back to show more teeth while spittle was flying through the air. Bucky wasn’t sure if this was normal, he’d never seen him act this way, tugging back as Nanook tried to lunge again. He struggled, trying to pull him back with both hands but as Steve tried to get up with Lucky attempting to push him to his knees and Brock pushed him down again, the pull was too much for him to handle on a dog so big and unyielding, falling with a yell when his hands slipped and his back hit the steps sharply.

The Malamute came flying towards Brock in clear volatile anger, barking loudly before he tackled him down from behind, knocking him forwards hard onto the wet walkway. The impact was enough to knock the breath out of Rumlow and Nanook snarled, teeth biting into the sleeve of his shirt to pull his arm, the one that was striking Steve, away like he was purposefully trying to keep it far from the blond.

Bucky saw blood even though it wasn’t heavy, dripping down Brock’s arm in a thin line, his sleeve tore more as Nanook pulled at it roughly like he was seriously warning how close he could be from hurting Brock if he continued to attack Steve. When he let go of the fabric to growl again, Brock rolled over and brought hands up to his face, Nanook following the movement to climb on top of him and press front paws against his chest, gnashing and snapping teeth dangerously close to his hands.

Trembling a little, Bucky shakily pulled himself back together and got up finally, “Nanook, _come here_. Now!”

As if a switch went off, the dog’s entire demeanor changed, calming down and licking Brock's fingers before he climbed off him and trotted back over to Bucky, peering up at him with his tail wagging. Moving forward, he hesitated a second before he reached both hands out and cupped the canine’s face and Nook only stared back at him like he always did, nothing aggressive or violent in him.

“What the fuck was that? Buck what the _fuck_ was that?” Brock pulled himself up, Steve at his side partially curled up in a ball and trembling as he fought to keep conscious because all he wanted to do was talk to Bucky. Rumlow looked around at the street and along the sidewalk beside their perfect row of brownstones. People stood staring at him on their stoops, across from the park, some people passing by on a walk or in cars. It was then that he heard the sirens in the distance, his gaze dropping back to Rogers on the ground. He found himself frowning, turning to look at Bucky checking his dog before he was ignoring him entirely, walking towards the body on the ground with Lucky. He checked his own arm, shirtsleeve shredded but most of his actual limb intact save for grazed marks of teeth that was making his arm bleed a little, nothing serious that couldn’t be cleaned up inside with some rubbing alcohol and ointment. Everything suddenly just faded away in him, all the anger and protective need, he only watched Bucky a moment scrambling to help Steve before he pulled himself up and went to go back inside knowing the police would be here soon.

Bucky knelt beside Steve, pressing a hand against his head trying to feel out any spots of bleeding, “Steve? Steve come on. No sleeping. Wake up.” 

Eyes fluttered open, cloudy blue eyes looking around in a daze before they focused on Bucky’s face, a smile spreading across his own as he reached for him, “Buck, you came back.”

Bucky stared down at him, grasping a hand trying to move, “I’m sorry I left..”

Shaking his head, Steve felt slow and tired, “No, no you’re okay I wanted to say sorry.” 

The ambulance pulled up and a sigh of relief washed over Bucky, “You’re okay now, don’t sleep though. Promise me.”

“I promise,” He smiled again, trying to blink and keep his eyes open, “It’s you..”

Bucky watched them pull out a stretcher, one of the EMT’s kneeling down at Steve’s opposite side checking him before rolling him fully onto his back instead of half on it as he was. Bucky gave Steve’s hand another squeeze, watching them bringing the stretcher over, “Yeah it’s me Stevie. It’s Buck.”

A fond look crossed Steve’s face, shaking his head as he reached over, bloody fingers pressing against Bucky’s cheek and marking his skin, “Always you..it was you..”

Bucky’s heart jumped, tears welling up, “What..?”

“Sir, we have to take him now.” 

Nodding numbly, Bucky scooted back, sitting himself down against the pavement watching the serene look on Steve’s face as they moved him onto the stretcher and packed him up into the ambulance.

*****

“The police took him in for detaining. He didn’t put up a fight about it from what I heard.”

Bucky wasn’t surprised, rubbing his head tiredly, “Call Matt, tell him it’s about Brock. He’ll get on it.”

Sam glanced over towards him in his own chair as Bucky ended the call and pressed the phone to his chest as he stared up at the ceiling with a low sigh.

“Brock’s been arrested for assault, the whole damn neighborhood watched him out there. I can’t even save him, I can just give him a lawyer I can’t even- ”

Giving him a tight smile, Sam reached a hand over, pressing it over the one Bucky rested on his chair arm, “Hey. You can’t control him. Sooner or later something like this was bound to happen, we all knew that. You just have to keep yourself calm and help him with whatever you can but just don’t beat yourself up if it doesn’t go your way. There’s only so much you can do for him, he made the decision, not you.” Sam looked down the hall, thinking as he turned back to Bucky, “And I don’t think Steve is going to press charges, he’s an idiot for it but he won’t hurt you over it. Unfortunately they can still charge him with or without his statement so he’s got a mess to handle. But remember that he made that mess, I know you two go way back but there’s only so much.”

Drawing in a soft breath, Bucky agreed with him, curling himself up sideways in his seat, both of them waiting for word on Steve as Bucky tucked his knees to his chest the best he could as he stared out the window. Soon enough he began to doze amidst various lines of chatter and activity around him. Sam watched him going in and out as he was sending out a text message to Tony to keep him updated while they were waiting. 

It was a few hours before Sam was looking up to see Steve in the wing and walking their way, his hand going out to lightly pat Bucky’s arm, “Wake up Vanilla Ice, he’s out.”

Sitting up almost immediately, Bucky was blinking through his groggy haze while Sam was out of his seat standing in front of Steve, doing his own visual assessment with arms folded over his chest. 

“Are you okay? Should you even be discharged yet?” 

Steve smiled gently, holding up a paper like it was a doctor’s note though it was only a prescription, “I passed out a couple times but they scanned my head, said there was no internal bleeding. I got some bruises and need to really take it easy. The doctor was stressing about not getting into any fights, like I had a choice in either of them, don’t worry Sam but there’s no reason to stick around there, I have a job I’m barely holding on to because I have to keep my boss happy. Told me to rest whenever I can and they said if I pass out again to bring myself back in but they can’t keep me if they didn’t find anything wrong. I bumped my head that first punch and it just screwed me up, I feel better already Sam, really.” 

Sam really didn’t feel convinced, staring at various bruises and cuts on his face alone but if the doctors didn’t want him sticking around he couldn’t do much about it, finally letting out a low sigh and guiding Steve to the doors. He only bumped into him when Steve froze and oh right, Bucky was here, both staring at each other like idiots. Sam tried not to roll his eyes.

“Bucky.”

Stuffing his hands into his pockets, Bucky stared at Steve, stepping closer, “Hey, are you okay?”

“Never better.” Steve blurted out.

Sam huffed loudly behind him, “Let’s go, both of you. You can both talk on the way to Natasha’s so I can drop off Bucky.”

The ride wasn’t uncomfortable but Steve felt even though he was sitting beside Bucky in the back seat that there was a vast space between the both of them and he had no idea what to say. He didn’t want to ask why Bucky left and he wasn’t sure where they were at anymore after the morning. 

He caught Sam’s eye in the rear view mirror and his friend made a small shrug of his shoulder when he saw Bucky looking sullenly out the window with a hand tucked under his chin. They were already close to their first stop, a heavy feeling at the pit of his stomach unsure of when Bucky would want to see him again. Not sure of what to do, he begged to Sam with his eyes at a red light and Sam moved his head back enough so Steve saw him mouth _talk to him_. 

It wasn’t very helpful but Steve supposed it was better than nothing looking over at Bucky who only kept his gaze out the window, “Hey.”

He ignored the way Sam dropped his head forward and shook it lightly when they stopped at the next red light.

Turning his head a little, Bucky looked at him in quiet awe and Steve suddenly felt extremely nervous, “I um, I can’t clearly remember everything when I was on the ground and stuff. Do you know if I said anything when you were there. I feel like I was saying things, important things and I just, I can’t exactly remember what I was saying. I don’t want anything weird, I mean I know we’re not settled with everything but if I said anything I- ”

Bucky forced a smile across his face, quickly realizing whether it was true or not, Steve didn’t _mean_ to say anything. He was not in control and maybe, just maybe Steve was only rambling something Bucky wanted to hear. Frankly Bucky felt relief wash over him even if his heart didn’t agree, this was all so abrupt and scary, he had to deal with Brock, he was in the shower when Steve arrived, if he hadn't maybe Brock wouldn't have answered the door and he didn’t know what last night was, when Steve was there in bed with him all entirely warm and inviting. He wasn’t sure Steve knew what was going on for a few minutes there when they were close like they were and he was on top of him. Bucky wasn't even sure.

Maybe it was why Steve stopped him and shifted gears but Bucky wasn’t certain and he wasn’t aware of what Steve was thinking anyway. All Bucky knew was that he almost had sex with Steve, that it was at the beginning of coaxing him but he was leading to it and Steve stopped it. When they fell asleep he didn’t think too much about it but when he woke up he was mortified and he didn’t know if Steve _knew_. It was why he packed up and left, why he was so very embarrassed all the way to Nat’s and wanted to just will it all away and wish it never happened. Yes Steve was there when he needed him but it was the last thing he should have been offering him. He just didn’t want to see his face for a few days until he could feel a little less like a horrible person that just tried to whore himself to his best friend.

Bucky shook his head, clasping hands together pensively, “No. You didn’t say anything much, you were just rambling things that didn’t make sense and seeing if it was even me you were talking to.”

He watched Steve physically deflate a little in relief, dropping his head back, “Phew, I was worried I said something stupid and made an idiot out of myself.”

Bucky turned back to the window, shaking his head a little, “No, nothing important. You hit your head, you were incoherent and confused. I don’t think you even knew you were bleeding or in pain.”

He couldn’t argue with that observation, nodding a little and he had no idea what to really say. He was sure Sam groaned under his breath, pulling to the curb in front of Natasha’s, a few seconds passing before her front door was opened to Jack watching Bucky climb out. 

“Thank you for giving me a ride home Sam.”

“No problem, anytime. I’ll see you later.”

Bucky smiled softly from behind the passenger seat, nodding to him, “Definitely.”

He turned to look towards Steve, “Take care of yourself Stevie.”

It was a loaded comment, Steve unsure if it was meant for his well being or if Bucky was letting him go. Despite last night he was afraid of it being the latter, opening his mouth to ask but something gripped at his throat and stopped him. Bucky hesitated a moment like he was waiting for something before Jack’s footsteps to the stoop broke him out of his stupor and he slammed the door shut. He gave the SUV one last look and a wave before he turned and reached his friend, going inside with him and the pair in the vehicle watched the door close shut like it was a finality.

Sam sighed loudly, pulling away from the curb and back onto the road, “Steve, I love you but you’re an idiot.” 

Dropping his head to the side against the glass with an audible thud, Steve was in complete agreement, “I know Sam.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Steve, you mess.


	32. I just want that mom experience that everyone else has.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky and Steve talk and try to be more honest with each other after the whole fiasco with the picture. Natasha, Brock and Johnny have their own adjustments in the wake of it while Steve finds out not all animals like him and neither does Winifred.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact, this story has been going for almost two years, oh boy! XD Thank you so much for following along and reading this, for kudos, for comments, for messages of support when I felt sluggish or worried about things. Thank you also to the silent readers because sometimes I'm guilty of that too. ;) I appreciate it all, lots of love! <333 
> 
> [Chapter 32.pic/gif](http://kalika999.tumblr.com/tagged/ch-32)
> 
> Warnings:  
> \- Sexytimes (facial/masturbating)  
> \- Winifred's a peach; be warned of conversations related to an ableist attitude, fat shaming, homophobia, as well as emotional/verbal/physical abuse towards Buckbuck.  
> \- Vomiting during a panic attack

**Early February 2016**  
  


Steve slept in, well not exactly. He couldn’t run, but his body was still ready for a morning workout. Staying in bed, he was coming in and out of snoozes after assuring Sam he could go work out on his own and that he would be alright in his apartment by himself, his head was alright. Sam wasn’t having any of it until finally his overprotective friend only left when they had set up a text system he would have to answer immediately to every time so there wasn’t an ambulance at his place five minutes later. 

Steve was okay with it, glad to get a little time to himself and maybe just rest under the covers letting life pass him by a few hours but his face hurt as did his whole entire middle and he only sunk back deeper into his pillows staring up at the ceiling feeling so very exiled. 

When he finally managed to force his ass out of bed he sauntered in his boxers through the hallway and yawned, rubbing his eyes absently until his hand drew down and Bucky was staring at him from the couch looking at little wide eyed and Steve was definitely sure he was doing the same expression.

“Um..” Steve blinked, “Am I..dreaming?” 

“What?” Bucky’s face flushed as he turned away, staring at the television which wasn’t even turned on, “Uh, I don’t think so?”

Looking at Bucky’s reaction then over himself in wonder, Steve made a small noise of realization and went back to the bedroom to throw on a t-shirt and some sweatpants as quickly as he could, jogging back because well, Bucky was here, on his couch.

“Can I get you something? Coffee, tea, or water maybe? How long have you been waiting? I need some coffee myself..” He pulled a face, not knowing why he was rambling. He grabbed his mug out of the dish rack and popped it under the maker setting it with a pod after hitting the power button.

“No, I’m good. Thank you. I’ve been here maybe an hour? I’m not sure, actually I wasn’t sure if I should let myself in. You knew I had the keys still and didn’t take them away but- ” He shrugged to himself, “I wasn’t sure.” 

Steve moved around in silence, adding some milk to his coffee and he was back to the couch, moving to sit in the armchair to the side until Bucky suddenly shifted to give him a seat. Curious, Steve took it, not sure exactly of what to think looking at Bucky wringing his hands while he sat still in his peacoat and wearing his scarf over a pair of dark jeans and t-shirt.

“Buck, you..alright?” 

Grey eyes widened as he turned to stare at him, “Are _you_ alright Steve?”

Still confused, he warily nodded, “Yeah, you saw me yesterday. We dropped you off, remember? I was fine then, I still am.” 

Bucky’s eyes were set on his face, fingers twitching lightly as he chewed at his lip and Steve could read that language easily enough. Gingerly he set his cup on the table, turning himself so that he was sitting sideways on the couch and facing him. Tilting his head forward, Steve nodded permission as he closed his eyes.

At first there was nothing and he almost opened them again to look but then Bucky’s soft, careful barely there fingertips brushed along a healing cut across the bridge of Steve’s nose eventually tracing along the dark pattern of his black eye. The warmth of his hand hovered across Steve’s scraped cheek and a small sad noise escaped deep from within Bucky’s throat, Steve instinctively swallowing. 

“They don’t hurt, just sore.” 

Cupping his jaw like Steve was made of glass, Bucky frowned at him, thumb lightly tracing the cut at his lip, “I said this would happen. I knew it would. I’m sorry, I should have stayed and taken you home myself. I was in shock and I was scared.”

Opening his eyes, Steve shook his head, “You had no reason to and Sam stayed. He was here to wake me up every couple of hours just in case. I’m not your responsibility.” 

Bucky’s other hand came up into his hair, feeling and finding the bump at the side of Steve’s head where he hit it on the walkway, face growing tighter, “You’re not safe around me Steve.”

“Did you ask him to come out and attack me, either time?”

Brows knit close and Bucky shook his head, “I would never do that. He found out his own way the first time and the second time, I was in the shower. It was the dogs that alerted me to something going on wrong.”

“Then it doesn’t matter. We’ll figure something out.” 

Eyes misting immediately over the response, Bucky sniffled a little, “Steve it’s not that easy, you know that.”

Steve sat himself up straighter watching Bucky’s hands pull away and return back into his lap. “Buck, he woulda jumped me whether you saw the image or not. It was a guarantee he was going to come at me because I’m already bad news to him, I should have seen his car that second time. I was just so desperate to see you and- ”

Bucky suddenly burst into tears and Steve stopped himself. He watched hands come up and Bucky was covering his face then all at once he had no idea what to do, completely frozen because he didn’t know if they were good or if Bucky would take off or what. 

“Buck?” Tentative fingers approached, lightly pulling hands out of the way to look at him, “Buck?”

“Why?”

He was dumbfounded, “Why what? What’s wrong?”

“Why are you so..” Sucking in a sharp breath, Bucky’s plush bottom lip trapped itself between teeth before it was let go again, “So good? People were angry at you, I was drunk but there’s no excuse over me using Jo to get rid of you at the club. Clint punched you, and Brock..” He sucked in a deep breath as he tilted his head back trying to wipe at his face, “You could have been killed, oh my God. I would have never forgiven myself.”

Tilting his head curiously, Steve stared at him as he brought his head forward again trying to collect himself, “I thought you were the one saying if you die, you die.”

“I don’t want you to die, stupid.” He shot back, voice muddled and soft.

A warmth rose inside Steve’s chest, familiar and practiced because this was them. This was the easy banter Steve had always loved between him and Bucky, “Says the guy who walked a few miles in the icy rain and didn’t think about the risk of hypothermia.” 

Bucky tucked his head away and Steve wanted to reach out and touch his face to get him to look his way again. Instead he angled so he was sitting forward again but keeping his body language open as he picked his coffee up from the table and took a sip, _go slow_ his brain ordered and thought about how much he didn’t want to, he accepted it though settling back and trying to relax. Beside him he could see Bucky trying to focus on saying something, something locked in his head and Steve made an absent shrugging gesture before him to get the brunette to look his way, “Whatever you need to say, you should say it. You should know by now you can say anything without backlash, it won’t change things between us.” 

Bucky shook his head beside him, “It’s easier said than done and you say not to apologize but you didn’t get upset and cause everyone to turn on you.”

“Buck, they’re your friends.”

Bucky snapped his head Steve’s way, “Well they’re supposed to be _your_ friends too!”

Turning his head to look at him, Steve didn’t react to it because there was really no reason to. He understood Bucky was frustrated but he knew the bottom line was that for now Bucky came first for them. 

“Don’t be angry, it’s not worth being angry over. Someone is trying to hurt you, we have to focus on that more than on how everyone changed over a picture. They thought I was being an ass, I get it. Maybe they’ll realize it’s fruitless jumping to conclusions because I’m not here to be a dick about things like that, or they won’t. I don’t really care and I’m not worried about it. As long as you’re here and staying here, it’s all that matters to me. Okay?” Bucky only stared at him and Steve slowly blinked, suddenly not sure of his bold statement, “I mean..if that’s alright with you Buck.” 

“You still want me here?”

Puzzled, Steve scrunched his nose a bit, “Yeah, why not?” 

“I don’t know I just,” Bucky sighed, a hand gesturing at himself, “I’m a mess.” 

“Nothing has changed since that picture between us as far as I know, maybe I know a few more things now but it’s still the same for me and I hope it’s the same for you too. I don’t blame you for anything, are you still mad at me?” 

Bucky chewed at his bottom lip, peering at Steve with his perfect blues that he always adored, “I was never mad at you, I was mad in general because of the whole mess, I was more hurting and sad. I wasn’t listening, no one was fair to you except maybe Sam. You should be telling me to leave, you should be telling me to give your keys back. You should..”

Bucky stopped when Steve only smiled at him, it looked painful with the red swell at the bottom corner of his mouth such an angry color and dark but he was smiling, “What?”

“Why should I do things I don’t want to do? Who would annoy me if I asked you never to come back? Who would stick his icy toes go under my thighs to keep warm?”

Frowning at him, Bucky glared, “Steve, I’m being serious.”

Steve huffed at him in surprise, “So am I. Your toes are cold.” 

“ _Steve_. Stop it.”

Looking nonchalant as he turned back ahead and taking a sip from his mug, the blond shrugged, “Stop what?”

Pouting because it was what Bucky did, he crossed his arms over his chest, “I’m trying to say I don’t deserve your friendship right now, I treated you badly. You got hurt, it could have been a lot worse. You had to have understood the gravity of that moment.”

What he got in return was a bored shrug, “So what? It’ll take a hell of a lot to get rid of me Barnes. I promise you. As long as you want me, I’m always going to be here.”

Bucky swallowed, arms loosening and eventually dropping away to his sides, he looked defeated when Steve turned to look at him. He wasn’t sure if Bucky was upset or something else, setting his cup down and twisting to look at him, side pressed against the couch. 

“..Always want you Stevie, I just don’t express it too good sometimes..”

The words were so soft, so _shy_ and Steve felt like his heart would burst just from the weight of it. He couldn’t even say anything, blood rushing to his ears and his hand reached out to brush against Bucky’s arm. He ran his fingers absently down Bucky’s sleeve and along the heel of his hand, feeling them being gripped when Steve’s thumb rested at the center of his palm. 

Steve bit his lip, the hand on his thigh restless to reach and pull Bucky in but he kept himself still, shaking his head when Bucky finally glanced his way, “You’ve been loud and clear, I just jump to a lot of conclusions especially when you make a run for it. You know how I feel about that when it’s a cold fact that you may never came back if you really wanted to.”

Nodding solemnly, the pads of Bucky’s fingers softly rubbed against Steve’s hand like he was memorizing him again and Steve assumed that he probably was just like the way he was feeling himself ease further to the touch like it was home.

There was still guilt etched across Bucky’s face, head low and shoulders bunched like he was preparing for punishment and it pained Steve to see him that way, like Bucky expected Steve to say bad things to him because of what he did, that he _deserved_ that kind of treatment.

“Buck, I’m not mad. I can’t be mad. I’m more mad at the picture and how it was set up. I’m mad for you, for me..for everyone that knows what that picture was set up to do. I’m not even mad at Brock, not really. I was a little but..he loves you unyieldingly. That amount of dedication is _really_ scary. It is, I’ll admit it but it’s for you and I just, I can’t say I’m unhappy about it. I wish he put more thought into his actions but the fact he will do that for you makes it hard for me to keep being mad about it.”

Shaking his head, Bucky took his hand back wringing his own together, “I can’t control him Stevie, I can’t.”

Patiently Steve took his hands again, cupping them under his and watching as Bucky let his sit face up, Steve’s thumbs rubbing against exposed palms. “You can’t control a storm Buck.”

He chewed at his lip, “I wish I could though.”

Steve nodded, “I know you do.”

Slowly, hesitantly, Bucky pulled his hands away, resting them on his lap and he worried, lips bitten at and chewed up, he could feel the sharpness when he bit down too hard and pinched skin enough to break. His tongue laved the sore spot and Steve only watched him, loosely folding his own hands together all patient and polite. 

“I have to tell you something else and I know you won’t like it..”

Fear immediately sprang up in Steve, trying to keep everything calm about him, his heart beating louder, faster as he allowed his brows to go up slightly before he swallowed. “Okay. Tell me.”

Shifting his gaze away, Bucky fixated on the fabric of the couch, ugly and worn. Steve would have to get a new one soon no matter how much he may rebel. Bucky figured he could probably convince him if he put his mind to it and if all else failed guilt was an excellent tactic. 

He snapped out of his thoughts, swallowing in fretfulness, “I- ” His throat went cry, voice croaking and trapping out the rest of what he wanted to say. He reached for Steve's coffee to take a sip, eyes peeking over the cup to steal a glance at him. He studied tense shoulders but his face was open, waiting for the big reveal.

Steve watched as the cup was set down, Bucky looking away while long dark lashes swept over the tops of his cheeks and he could tell it really was something that was going to upset him. 

“Buck, c’mon. Just treat it like a band-aid and let it out. I’ll find out sooner or later right? Might as well get it out in the open.”

Their eyes met and Bucky almost hesitated again, staring at those endless blues never deserving of anything bad. His hand reached out and grasped one of his, “Please don’t get upset, but..I’m going back to Germany this Friday- ”

“What?” He wondered if he misheard Bucky, he _hoped_ he did.

“Don’t Steve,” Bucky started, trying to reach for his other hand but Steve pulled it away. 

“Don’t what Buck? Don’t wish I just misheard what you just said? Just ignore that you were dragged there practically kicking and screaming and now you’re going back like it’s all okay? You were _punished_ to go there. You weren’t eating, you weren’t sleeping. You witnessed one of your best friends overdosing and you had to save him over there for fuck’s sakes!” Steve leaned in, impassioned and fierce, pulling his other hand away from Bucky’s grasp and cupping the face before him so carefully, “You were sexually assaulted there. Do you _really_ want to go back there?”

Bucky didn’t move his face but he avoided Steve’s eyes, “I know, I was almost assaulted here too..remember?”

Steve softened, letting go of his own rules, dropping his head forward as his eyes closed and their foreheads rested together. It was where he wanted to be, where he felt good. His hands slid down and ghosted across the sides of Bucky’s neck and rested at his shoulders, “I’m scared Buck, for you.”

Bucky missed him, more when Steve was open and vulnerable because it made him less worried about being too much. He raised his arms and wrapped them tight around his neck, tilting his forehead to move away just enough to nuzzle Steve’s nose affectionately in understanding because it was where he felt right, “I’ll be okay Stevie. Just the weekend, I promise. I’m taking Jo because he’s done this with me before, he’s a good liaison between me and press people. He knows how to handle them and knows if I can deal with it or if I get too stressed while my mother has security detail covered for us. And, me and you, we’ll call each other. I have to go sign things, just the weekend, trust me, okay?”

Swallowing thickly, Steve tried to press down the impacting emotional toll this was instilling in him, Bucky so receptive and gentle while _anger_ brewed within him. He couldn’t speak, dropping his head down and hiding his face against the crook of his neck, arms wrapping around ribs so tightly he was afraid they might break Bucky but he just couldn’t stop himself.

Fingers lightly brushed into his hair as they took their time together, Steve didn’t want to let go, turning his head in closer, nosing the soft lobe of Bucky’s ear as he ignored the stinging rise of pain from his bruises.

Bucky stilled, fingers closing in on strands of dirty blond and hugging Steve tighter, leaning in close to warmth and sunshine like he always did, like it was right where he belonged.

“I trust you,” Lips mumbled into skin, “I’ve always trusted you though I know it still didn’t stop me from jumping to do stupid things but I do. It’s _them_ I don’t trust.”

*****

Natasha had been looking at him through his whole shift. She never tried to speak to him aside from drink orders but she _stared_ and he wasn’t sure what to really make of it. When they were closing up and her coat was on, she finally approached him and he tried his best to school an expression of neutrality and nothing bitter about the lack of even attempting to speak to him throughout all this.

“Your face looks alright, all things considering.”

He relaxed a little, “Yeah well, no broken facial bones is a victory though it feels like it did sometimes.”

Pietro disappeared in the back with armloads of boxed liquor not even paying attention to either of them and Natasha watched him go before she was looking at Steve again, “Look, I want to say sorry- ”

Steve was shaking his head before he even heard her, “No, I get it.”

“ -You don’t though Rogers. You couldn’t possibly- ”

Staring intently at her, Steve didn’t falter at just wanting her to see he did mean it, “I would do anything for him Nat, _anything_. I’m in that deep. If you step in that kind of head space thinking you won’t act a little out of it because Bucky got hurt then maybe you aren’t as aware as you think. Besides, if you think me running like an idiot around New York because of my emotions is nothing then I don’t know what I can tell you.”

She pursed her lips, glancing off, “I can’t tell you the reasoning, but it’s hard to have friends outside of our small circle. I try, _we_ try, but it’s hard. As you can see, even I can’t keep myself together if James gets upset. It’s a maternal instinct with him, I didn’t care who you were to him anymore the second he saw the image of you, I was angry instead. That’s not a friend for you Steve.”

Steve dropped his head, a mix of validation, understanding and maybe that relief finally as well spreading through him as he rested a half balled fist against the bar top, “I actually understand where you’re coming from Nat. I don’t blame you for putting him first,” She opened her mouth to question him and he shook his head to stop her. “I really don’t.”

Natasha looked like she still fought wanting to say more even as she closed her mouth.

“You’re fiercely loyal to a fault, you all are. Hell, if someone told me Clint Barton of all people was going to punch me in the face, I would have laughed. I can appreciate it and you know things I don’t. I can respect that and hope to know everything in due time but- ” He drew in a small breath, “I won’t stop being in love with him. If you want to tell me about distance or watching my mouth or anything like that. You might be disappointed because I can’t do that. Ma always taught me to speak up, okay maybe I’m terrible at voicing my feelings to a certain someone but standing up I can do and I won’t show Bucky a moment where I give up, I won’t. I need him to know I’m there, all the time, a hundred percent even more if he needs it.”

Natasha didn’t break the mild scrutiny because Steve knew she was most likely wondering if Steve was willing to say that later; in a year, in five, in _ten_. She needed him to make a commitment because Bucky didn’t deserve more pain and she also knew it was something she couldn’t possibly force on a person before even getting into a relationship with them. Her face softened a slight fraction though, nodding at him. 

“Good because I don’t want you to show him that either. What I want to say is that I want to try again, if you’ll allow me to. I had pushed you aside, I didn’t even really chastise Brock and he could have really done some damage to you. He’s reckless but I couldn’t let myself worry.” 

Her eyes were gentle, but there was suddenly pain there, regret and it was really out of character for Steve to see those things considering how Natasha always attempted to keep her expressions neutral or unreadable. Distress marring features that generally wore a professional mask, “I should have tried to get him to stop and I really do want us to be friends, I just- ”

Steve moved around the bar, careful just in case. He frowned a little, more because he wasn’t really used to Natasha being like this, signs of hurt in her voice, sadness and yes, he should be angry and feel defensive but Steve _couldn’t_ because as difficult as the idea was to some people, she was his friend. They did have to mend bridges and fix their relationship but he never once considered this mess ending that. 

He raised his arms gently, “ -And he would have respected your wishes until he made an excuse to bypass it somehow for his own agenda. We have a long way to go but I have to think that if I ended up hating you for turning to Bucky instead of giving me a break I’m not sure I would be much of a friend either.”

Inhaling lightly, Natasha fixed her expression and it wasn’t so sad anymore, a diminutive smile appearing as she stepped closer into his arms, “I don’t deserve this Rogers. Not yet.”

Breaking out in a grin, Steve lost all inhibitions, wrapping his arms around her as he pulled her snug against his chest, “Bucky loves my hugs, he actually falls asleep in them, I need to share them with other people that deserve the same feeling. Plus, Sam isn’t as caught up in friendship politics as some people and if he’s still there genuinely smiling and not holding grudges well, don’t tell him I learn from the very best.”

Nat opened her mouth to say something but found she couldn’t, tucking herself in and also agreeing with this being a good hug, her hands pressed gently against Steve’s lower back careful not to hurt him anywhere, the material of his sweater soft against her fingertips. 

Pietro came back out from the back, a small gasp hitting the air, “Oh good! You two aren’t being stupid anymore! Let Piet come hug with you two!”

Above Natasha’s head Steve huffed out a laugh and she closed her mouth, they could talk later. Pietro excitedly wrapped his long arms tightly around them making a content noise, “You know how annoying watching you two not be friends is? Very annoying, I was going to lock you both in the stockroom!”

Steve chuckled, “I’m pretty sure Natasha knows how to pick locks..”

Nodding in agreement, Nat rolled her eyes, “She can, though right now my face is suffocating into Rogers’ left breast.”

“No matter,” Piet grinned as he pulled away so Natasha could draw her head back, “Maybe I could wall it up?”

“I don’t think Nick would want his storeroom blocked, he kind of needs all that stuff.” Steve retorted with a smile.

“I would figure something out.” 

Pulling off Steve and moving away from Pietro, Natasha waved the them both away, “That was enough bonding.” 

Chuckling lightly, Steve gazed at her, “Are we friends now? No more looks like you’re going to castrate me?”

She looked thoughtful, “I would never threaten to castrate you Steve, I would just wait until I could mess with your drink then break in while you were sleeping and do it.”

Frowning, Steve stared at her as Pietro made a pained sound deep from within his throat, “Please don’t ever joke like that.”

“Who said I was joking?”

“Natasha.”

*****

Brock sat at the edge of the couch leaned out over the table. He heard the lock turn, front door opening and closing, absently listening to that but not paying much attention if house keys were used knowing only three people had them aside from him. It was only when all movement stopped that he glanced up from the table, Bucky standing there across the way staring at him cutting coke, knuckles going white around the strap of his bag and Brock really didn’t expect him showing up today.

“Had a rough night Kid and I’m hungover. I ain’t in the mood.” 

Swallowing thickly, Bucky’s eyes strayed to a baggy of clumpy powder, some of it on the table’s surface as Brock set the razor blade down and stood up, sighing like he was preparing for a lecture that he knew was coming. He stepped around and suddenly Bucky wasn’t seeing the drugs anymore, his shoulders relaxing as the tension eased just a little in his hands. 

Words sank in, eyes going back to Brock’s face as he stared at him, patient but haggard and tired. He sympathized he did but a passion took over, flooded through him only to _push_ and Bucky couldn’t stop himself, “You can’t be in a mood Brock, you’re not allowed when I’m here. Not right now,” He heard his voice rise, “Not today.”

“Buck- ”

Eyes stared into his, “ _Don’t_ Rummy, stop. You almost killed him, you almost k- ” Something suddenly crumbled in Bucky, the solid wall he tried to make to resist Brock talking him down from his stand falling to pieces before his eyes sucking in a sharp lungful of air and he tried to take in another as tears filled his eyes, “I love you, you know that. You know how much, but I..”

Concern etched across Rumlow’s face, pulling the backpack away and placing it on the armchair before he was pulling Bucky in with his arms wrapping tightly around his neck, pressing his palm between shoulder blades to rub there and help soothe the panic, his other cuffed the back of Bucky’s neck firmly feeling him instinctively move in like he always did, abruptly bursting into tears and pressing his face into Brock’s awaiting shoulder. 

“Hey, hey. It’s okay Kiddo. You’re alright, yeah?” He pulled back, hands resting at Bucky’s shoulders to look at his face, sweeping them in to cup cheeks and thumb away tears, “ _Baby_. I’m sorry. I just can’t, I see red Buck. I see red and I see _everythin’_ that piece of shit did, like it was yesterday.” 

Bucky blinked back tears, realizing he wasn’t talking about Steve anymore, his own hands resting against taut biceps, “He’s not him. He’ll never be him. You gotta _trust_ me Rummy or else I can’t.” 

He looked away, shame crossing his face and a Brock’s hand hooked under his chin to pull him back.

“Can’t what?” 

Shaking his head, Bucky brushed a hand over his eyes, “I’ll choose you, you know I’ll do it but I’ll resent you for it.”

Brock was taken aback a moment, “Buck- ”

“No, you listen to me right now!” Eyes pleading as Brock exhaled softly, “I don’t mind you being protective, I love that about you, I love that you care for me that much. I would do _anything_ to protect you and I know you do it for me but if he had died that day- ” Bucky inhaled wetly, a swell of emotions filling him as he struggled to stand even with Brock’s arms bracketed around him, large rough hands cupping cheeks firmly. “I don’t know if I could look at you the same way. You need to stop this, _everything_. It’s getting worse and you can't keep blaming yourself Rummy, _you can't_.”

Brock stared, long and hard, eyes red rimmed and _scared_ , “Kid, I don’t know _how_ to stop it.”

*****

Bucky was waiting outside near one of the gated entrances to the personal aircraft's at the airport, Johnny beside while they waited for Winifred to get them all checked in.

Suddenly he was nudged sharply into his ribs and Bucky glared only to watch Storm looking down the way and smirking like he was proud of himself, “Look who’s here.”

Not sure, he turned only to have his expression drop entirely. Steve stood there as the chain link pulled away slowly along its track, his bike parked to the side and lifting his hand to wave sheepishly. Legs were working before he even had a chance to think about it much and Steve did the same until they were standing before each other face to face. 

“Hi.” 

“Hi, you didn’t tell me you’d be coming to say bye.” Bucky let out, biting down on his lips to keep them from breaking out into anything worse than that.

A little shy, Steve glanced past Bucky and he tilted his head to follow his friend’s gaze to see Johnny still smirking, “I had some help.”

Drawing in a breath, Bucky tried to resist the warmth rising in his cheeks, “Oh, I see. Well, he does do whatever he wants most of the time.”

He turned again to his side hearing the clicking of heels and Bucky mentally prepared the arrival of his mother, Johnny converging in as well when she did. 

“Um, yeah well. Steve, this is my mother, Winifred Barnes. You missed each other for a personal introduction at the party but hey better late than never, right?” Bucky glanced over at his mother, “Mom, this is Steve Rogers.”

Steve smiled, attempting to bury any sign of disappointment off his face for now, taking her hand when she put it out, the back of it revealed more than tilted to the side. He immediately recognized the gesture as he did before when she would greet people, bowing his head a little before her politely as he looked up again instead of shaking it. He knew he wasn’t required for such manners but the quirk of her mouth going up proved to him it was better.

“Charmed. So this is the artist your father has been helping. I’ve seen some of your work, in a book mind you, but it’s not bad. I should commission you for a portrait sometime. Not sure about the ones you’ve done of James though, a bit too revealing.”

Bucky felt his face color, voice small and careful, “Mama, I’m fully clothed.”

Steve watched the pair of them already feeling uncomfortable to how minuscule Bucky’s voice shifted to, younger and passive, his head not entirely going down but looking absently to the ground from time to time.

Winifred raised a brow at him, “Not in those pieces, or have you not been looking at yourself naked and covered in bed sheets?”

Blushing outright, Bucky looked down, “I have seen them. I gave him permission to do that. Whatever works for him, I’m just posing, fully clothed.”

She looked at him sharply, “Maybe you should try not to be so accommodating to your lack of modesty James.”

Steve’s brows raised up, “I um, he never suggests I work it in that he doesn’t wear clothes, it’s always been me. My choice. He gives me full artistry rights to paint him as I see fit.”

Her eyes narrowed slightly, staring at Steve head on, “Are you paying him then at least? I know James sometimes likes helping people without thinking about how it could benefit him. I keep telling him he should be charging for his time.”

“Mama, I don’t mind..”

Steve could see the way Bucky was in the beginning stages of anxiousness but so did Johnny, smiling as he looked towards Winifred.

“Come on Winnie, it’s all in fun and they’re friends. Besides, he makes Buck look really good, I’d hate to not see his face anymore in the work.”

Winifred’s face tightened, “Jonathan, you know I don’t like when you call me that.” She made a sound of annoyance. “Sometimes you two are too much. I’ll be on the plane, they’re almost ready to go.”

They watched her walk off, heading towards a private aircraft and taking the steps up to get inside. Steve felt himself relax and Johnny gave him a slap on the back, “She’s a bit much to take sometimes so usually I do something to annoy her and she leaves.”

Bucky smiled, shaking his head. 

Slipping on his sunglasses, Jo tilted his head towards the plane, “Maybe I can get her sitting at the front and we can take the back. Don’t take a year saying your farewells, sucking face will only make your mom go crazy, Sweets.” 

Steve and Bucky blushed and Johnny smiled wider, evidently getting the reaction he was looking for. He headed towards the plane, Bucky turning to look at Steve.

“He’s awful.”

Chuckling, Steve gave him a shrug. “So it’s okay if I call you?”

Bucky smiled at him and nodded, “Yes. No restrictions this time. Nanook will be at Nat’s if you want to go say hi, and they expect you for dinner on Sunday.”

“Yep, Natasha already told me. I’m not sure if I should though..”

Nodding to what he meant, Bucky glanced towards the plane before he tentatively reached out, Steve immediately taking his hand, “You don’t have to but they won’t let Brock cause trouble. I promise. Natasha especially. Jack and Clint, they don’t want issues either.”

“Clint punched me in the face though.” Steve teased.

Laughing a little, Bucky pulled his hand to trace bruises across his friend’s face, “He said he almost broke his hand.”

Steve scoffed, “I think that’s a little dramatic. He has a good punch though, I have to admit.” 

“He tends to surprise people when they least expect it.”

“I bet.” He gave Bucky a thoughtful look accompanied with a gentle smile, “Call me, anytime if you need me for anything. Night, day, in the middle of my shift, anything. Alright?”

Bucky smiled at him, “Okay but you don’t have to worry this time Stevie. I’ll be fine, I’m not scared.”

It didn’t much matter though, Steve couldn’t feel anything else _but_ worry over Bucky leaving. Even if it was for a short time over the weekend and into Monday night, he was still going somewhere that wasn’t necessarily a good place the first time this happened with Steve back in the picture and he wanted so badly to go with him or to stop it altogether.

*****

Bucky was already worked up being so far away, it only added to it when he saw that photographers were already straggling about on the tarmac. He knew these were put there though for press stuff and he also knew those were the ones he had to smile politely to, immediately feeling dread sinking in before he even stepped out. His mother was already exiting with one of the stewards, Johnny wiggling his brows with an excited grin pulling on his ash grey sport coat over a black tie, a white dress shirt and dark dress pants because it definitely wasn’t his first time to this rodeo.

Bucky sucked in a deep breath, feeling his heart racing as he could hear people talking and his mother’s firm imposing voice responding with her own comments and statements. His palms were clammy and sweaty, fiddling with his own black peacoat. 

Johnny stepped up in front of him, gently moving his hands and fastening the buttons up himself, “You’re looking hot.”

Bucky raised his head in surprise though he honestly shouldn’t have been, it was just a habit and Johnny stared at him with pale blue eyes and an affectionate gaze. That was him, Johnny Storm extraordinaire, making jokes or compliments to deflect Bucky’s stress and now suddenly he was glad he didn’t avoid asking him to come, maybe a poor choice of words considering their relationship but he shook his head and carried on. 

“Let’s get going, I want to get out of here before they start asking me shit. I just need to check in as soon as I can into one of the penthouse suites, at least Yuri is still there, he’s getting it all ready so I can just decompress.”

Bucky stepped down the narrow stairs, a gentle smile on his face and giving a small wave while Johnny followed close behind, himself flashing a charming grin before they both stood behind Winifred. He leaned by Bucky’s ear, “Wait, are you not going to the villa?”

Bucky only tilted his head slightly, giving it a shake while he kept his smile and lowered his voice to a whisper, “Not a chance.”

He loved his mother, he did but he wouldn’t stay where she was. Soon they were all heading out for the limo that waited for them, bags already loaded and ready for their departure.

Despite what Winifred said about it, he and Johnny were dropped off first at the hotel, Johnny’s tie undone already and hanging off his neck, jacket off and hooked onto one finger thrown over his shoulder walking through the brightly lit lobby with his sunglasses on despite it being nighttime. 

Yuri was out and greeting them with key cards in hand looking pleased and almost excited which only calmed Bucky’s demeanor, sweeping his arms out and throwing them around the male before he could help himself, hugging him tight.

A few seconds passed with a small sound of surprise before arms came up and hugged him back, “It is good to see you again too Mr.- I mean Bucky.”

Grinning, Bucky drew back, “Sorry, I had to.”

Face pinking, Yuri held out the cards, “For your suite and Mr. Storm’s suite. I have it stocked for both of your preferences, will either of you be taking dinner soon?”

Bucky glanced at Johnny and his friend shrugged, he turned back to his concierge, “Maybe in a bit, I’m a little tired though I might take a small nap first.”

Yuri nodded, looking past the both of them to their luggage being taken on a cart. He retrieved his card for his private line as he did before, handing one to Johnny and another to Bucky, “Well if either of you need anything, please don’t hesitate.”

“Thank you, it’s good to see you here still.”

He nodded, “It is good to see you have returned again.”

Bucky smiled at him, feeling a small tug at his peacoat before he was moving to get on the awaiting elevator car with Johnny.

“That little guy has a crush on you Bucky boy.” His friend sang out after the doors closed.

Breaking out in a laugh, Bucky shook his head, “He doesn’t. He’s just genuinely nice and sweet and I’m pretty much his boss. He’s probably scared shitless half the time. That and you think anyone smiling at me has a crush on me.”

“Maybe he is, still doesn’t stop him from wanting you.” He swiped his key card on the elevator, lowering his shades to the end of his nose when he turned to look at Bucky, “You’re clear for the night, right?”

Side eyeing him, Bucky half smirked. He had come to the conclusion that he should try this no sex thing, it seemed fair if he was getting mad at Steve about casual sex maybe, he thought, he should quit too. He wasn’t assuming things with Steve but he wasn’t helping messing around with people, even if he stuck to Johnny. 

..It was just that, he wasn’t bothered about the casual sex, he didn’t have time to look at it that way. He was bothered by it being _Tony_. Unlike Johnny, Steve had a past with Tony, he wasn’t sure just casual would work. Fear was good at gripping into him that maybe just maybe even if it was casual it would still end up turning out bad for Bucky and he knew he had no fight left in him with everything going on. He also wouldn’t linger, he would have left just long enough to feel he could be okay and let Steve go. He’d have to force himself to because clearly he was never meant to be with him.

Right now though at this moment Steve was around and waiting for him to come back to New York. That much was understood and whether he was trying to prove a point or just trying to set himself as an example and not come out as a hypocrite no matter what his relationship was with Johnny versus Steve’s with Tony, he was going to try to cut out one of his tried and true methods to distract himself.

“Depends on what you have in mind.” 

His friend only grinned, glancing up at the numbers rising as their car rode upwards, “I got a surprise for you.”

Curiosity piqued, Jo’s smile only went wider, Bucky realizing he was obvious about it, “What is it?”

“Something you’ll love, I promise. You get settled in, have a snack, don’t fill yourself up though. We’ll get some dinner in a couple hours, have your nap or whatever you want just get ready for going out.”

Bucky was itching for more details but Johnny never promised something he would dislike, his friend was wonderfully perfect about surprising him with things he truly did love so he didn’t push anything, the both of them parting ways when they arrived at their designated floor.

*****

Steve struggled to figure out if the three pairs of t-shirts he was holding were clean or not. Technically they had been sitting on the chair in his room the past few days and they smelled fine. He shrugged to himself and threw them into the duffle anyway, better safe than not. He slung the bag on his shoulder, heading for the front door when his phone vibrated away in his pocket. He turned it over to the sight of Bucky’s face imitating a sign with a cartoon monkey beside him, tugging at earlobes and sticking his tongue out while he crossed his eyes. He couldn’t help but smile at it before answering.

“Hey Buck.”

“Steve? Can you hear me alright?”

He immediately picked up on the worry in Bucky’s voice and all it did was wrap around his heart and pull hard, “I can hear you loud and clear.”

He sighed softly, “Thank God. I mean, I don’t know why I was worried but you know, I guess I just was.”

Steve smiled against the phone feeling a buzzing excitement creep into him. He dropped the duffle bag in front of the door as he strode over to the couch to sit, “What time is it over there?”

“It’s about..almost nine at night. Were you busy?”

“No, was going to do some laundry before heading to work but that can wait. How’s everything?”

Bucky was pacing all over his suite, anxious all the way and searching for a time to call Steve even though he knew he could have sent messages. He just didn’t want to be a bother and made sure he would just call when he was checked in at least then he could let him know he had landed safely and was settled in when he was completely sure. He called Brock who was of course with Jack as well as Nat and Clint first and it made him feel homesick already, getting pictures of the dogs sleeping and he spent a few minutes just staring at them fondly. 

It was enough to get him to move his suitcase into the bedroom and at least throw his toiletries on the bathroom counter. He flipped every light he could reach on his way just to give himself a false level of comfort and finally got his chance to get a hold of Steve. The second he heard his voice everything lonely just left him. 

He bit his lip as he aimlessly walked around his bedroom, seating himself on the edge of the bed. “Fine I guess. I don’t do too well with all this. I know what I said, I know. It should be fine just, weird alone.”

Steve tensed, running his palm along his thigh. He should have done something..

“Johnny isn’t staying with you?”

A small laugh came out over the line, “No. Of course not. He has his own penthouse suite across from me, I know it’s frivolous because they’re made for more than one pers- ”

“ _No_ , no that’s alright. You two do what you guys feel comfortable doing.” Steve silently let out a sigh because he wasn’t sure and yeah they could still see one another but he’d take whatever they would give him. “You doing alright now though? I mean while on the phone? Did you eat something? Don’t they have beer gardens and bratwurst all over the place in Germany?”

Steve heard Bucky laugh and it only made a smile bloom across his own worried face. 

“Maybe it’s good I didn’t drag you with me, you’d probably be wearing an I heart New York t-shirt and some pants with the American flag stitched on the ass.”

Steve snorted out a laugh, leaning back against the arm of the couch, turning to stretch his legs out, “Hey, my ass would look damn good with pants that had the American flag stitched across it thank you very much.”

Bucky fell back against the bed cover, his socked heels idly tapping along the carpet, “Maybe you’re right. Just maybe.”

He tucked his hand under his head, looking up at the smooth white ceiling bordered with molded edges, light illuminating from behind it, a small crystal chandelier set at the center.

“You would’ve liked it here Steve..” He murmured out, the backs of his fingers feeling out the bedspread, the ache in his chest showing it’s face again.

Steve’s smile softened, his eyes staring off at nothing, craning to take in the sound of Bucky breathing. He was so used to it by now, the faintest of sounds he made with it unconsciously, he missed all of them already, “I know Buck, I wish I could see it. Maybe one of these days when I’d be able to scrounge up some vacation time I could. You’ll be back soon though.”

“Yeah..”

Bucky sounded so quiet, his voice wavering slightly and it hit Steve so hard, eyes immediately misting. He forced himself to sit up straighter rubbing at them, angry at himself as he gave his head a small shake to snap out of it, “Buck, c’mon. Don’t. Call me whenever you want, anytime. If you need me, I’ll make time okay?”

Bucky moved his arm to press it across his eyes, “I just miss you..” He froze abruptly to his slip up not wanting to sound so needy, his breath catching in his throat before he forced himself to cough out awkwardly, turning his hand to press his palm across his forehead, “I mean all of you, I miss every one of you guys already.”

Steve stretched his right arm across the back of the couch, dropping his forehead against it not knowing exactly what to say because he already knew that much and yet couldn’t tell him what he really wanted to say. Instead he nodded to him, “Everyone misses you too, we all can’t wait to get your stupid ass back here and I definitely can’t wait for you to drink all my beer and milk again and eat all my food.”

Bucky let out a soft chuckle, moving to crawl under the blankets and lay out on his side. He curled into himself, nuzzling the pillow against his face.

“Will you stay on here until I fall asleep?”

Steve nodded, “Yeah, I can stay on. Give me a second though.” He pulled himself up, looking around for his charger, sitting down against the wall beside the outlet when he had it in hand.

“Buck?”

“M’here..” 

“You sound like you’re about a second from passing out anyway.”

“Maybe,” Bucky let out sleepily, “Need a short nap, apparently Johnny had something planned but I can get in a couple hours before whatever it is.”

Resting his head back against the wall, Steve stared off, “Someone tried to give me their number yesterday.”

Brows furrowing, Bucky wasn’t sure why Steve was telling him that, “Tried?”

“Yeah tried.” A fond smiled crossed his lips, “I wasn’t interested. I said I had a boyfriend.”

“Oh,” Bucky trailed off in thought before things clicked, “ _Oh_ , the shoe on the other foot. I was wondering why you were telling me..besides it maybe being news.” 

Chuckling, Steve nodded in agreement, “Sorry I used you for deceptive purposes, she was relentless. Less so when I showed her the picture of us at Coney Island.”

“That is a nice picture. I have a sweet boyfriend, all showing me off.”

Biting down on his lip, Steve beamed, nodding at the call trying so hard not to slide into some suave way of asking if Bucky would be so inclined to make a part of that statement real. He quietly bumped the back of his head against the wall, “Wouldn’t think it’d be too hard anyway.”

Snorting, Bucky sighed faintly, “I’ve been told I’m a handful, I don’t know about that..”

Whoever said that to Bucky needed to a swift kick in the ass if they were to ask Steve what he thought, “Nah..are you kidding me? It doesn’t take much to keep you happy, I hardly think you’re anything even _close_ to being a handful.”

They sat silently together and Steve rubbed his foot along the smoothness of the floor not sure of what to say and unsure he should keep going with what he wanted to say which was everything under the sun of what he really thought about Bucky. 

“Tu ma faci fericit..” Bucky trailed off, pressing the spare pillow tight to his chest.

Steve had no idea what he had said but Bucky’s tone was clear in itself, his head falling comfortably back against the wall again with a gentle smile, he leaned into his phone in an absent effort to be closer to him. He was warm all over, washed with a happiness he couldn’t shake off even if he wanted to.

“What did you say?”

“Something, I’ll tell you one day.”

Pouting a little, Steve didn’t argue, he knew from the tone at least it was something heartfelt and true and it was really all he needed to know about it. He already missed him so much, rifling a hand through his hair, “Come back Buck. Come home to me.”

Bucky stared off, smiling against the pillow not sure what he did to have Steve in his life again and not sure why he kept sticking around. “I should have my nap.”

“Call me when you come back from your dinner outing?”

Nodded at the phone, Bucky stretched a bit more as he prepared to get comfortable, “Alright, you might still be working if I do but I’ll leave a message.”

The moment the call ended, Steve could only rest his phone against his chest and let his eyes close, he wasn’t sure how long he could keep himself from unintentionally throwing himself at Bucky like an idiot.

*****

Bucky had freshened up and was pulling on a sweater over his dress shirt when he was caught by knocking at the door sure it was Jo, jogging over quickly to get it open right before his eyes went comically wide when he was met with Johnny as well as Svetlana standing beside him, her arm perched on his shoulder and a bottle of champagne held up in her hand.

“Surprise!”

Though in a moment of shock, he still managed to move in to hug her.

Svetlana hugged him back, her fingers running along his back, light and fluid and he leaned in closer, feeling a gentle kiss press against his cheek, “I missed you my solnishko.”

“I did too, and you said you were out of town for the weekend!”

Shrugging, Svet tried to look cute though she was a little smug about throwing Bucky off. She pulled away to pop the top off the champagne, looking for and finding them some glasses. “I was but something came up and I said I should surprise you.” Her finger lightly poked Johnny in the chest, “I told this one and he said it would be fun. Now come, drink up. Then it is time to have some good food and then, we go dancing!”

Grinning, Bucky faltered a little, “But I can’t get too drunk or do anything bad. We have security that’s not Brock and my mother is here. She won’t stand for me acting like a jackass in public.”

Svet nodded, drinking down what was left in her glass, “I know of this, we eat, we dance all night, maybe some drinks but not too much, we come here and drink some more, have our own private party. Yes?”

Bucky thought about it before he nodded eagerly, “Yes.”

Holding out her hand, she took a hold of Bucky’s and her other took Johnny’s, “Good, come on then, tell me all that has happened while back in the States over dinner and why have you not brought your dream boat with you Bucky? And Brock, I miss him too. He always send the nicest messages to me, has his friend told him he loves him yet, I cannot wait to know when they get married.”

Johnny laughed, “We can’t either and no he hasn’t yet.”

She clucked her tongue in disappointment as they approached the elevators, “Those two. Like watching snails moving. So slow. Idiots.”

Bucky nodded in agreement, “I couldn’t have said it better myself.”

*****

Steve practically tripped out of the door as he moved to lean against the brick while he waited for his cab, the side of his thumb lightly rubbing his forehead just above his brow, head throbbing faintly. He only thought about it just long enough for his brain to helpfully supply that he was a little, well maybe a lot, buzzed from the amount of shots people were trying to tip him with. He took a few and gave away many but when time hit to officially close he drank a little more with loyal customers that you couldn't tell to get out so that they could all get going..especially when they paid for more alcohol and told you to drink with them to shoot the shit.

Natasha was already reclining out in one of the leather seats in a side panel booth with everyone, her legs draped over Pietro’s lap while she was sipping some herbal tea as the rest drank their brews and he was cleaning up his area. Only about seven of them were left when the doors were closed with the sign turned off and at that moment they were the best of friends. Steve always enjoyed this, having a nice quiet chat among good people with some shots and beers but at the back of his mind he really wanted to get home. He finally got his chance an hour later though he knew he was in no condition to ride his motorcycle back at that point.

A hand rested lightly on his arm and he turned to find Natasha beside him, Pietro zipping up his coat nearby.

“Are you sure you don’t need a ride Steve?” 

He shook his head, “Nah, I’ll be fine. I called a cab already and it should be here soon.” He gestured to Pietro walking a little crooked, “Just get that guy home without him puking in your car, has to be a show off and try to out drink everyone.”

“I heard that!” Pietro yelled out, facing the opposite direction.

Natasha smiled and nodded, “Goodnight then.” 

Steve’s phone sat heavy in his leather jacket pocket, watching Natasha and Pietro walk off and giving them a wave. Soon after his cab arrived and he climbed in wondering about the clip waiting for him. He really hoped it wasn’t a porno he was opening up when he hauled himself into the backseat not that he was expecting it, but well, it was Johnny. 

Bucky had left him a message while the bar was still too busy to answer his phone saying he was back at the hotel and that they were going to hang out around the penthouse. He popped a quick text in return about how busy it was and then forgot about everything until a couple hours later when he was sent a video from Johnny simply telling him to watch it. 

He put his earbuds in just in case it was a skin flick, but he had a little bit of faith in Storm, waiting patiently as it loaded before the screen was looking at legs and dance music was playing loudly. The camera went up and he was introduced with a nice looking sitting area that was obviously in a hotel, eventually turning to a girl sitting on the couch beside Johnny and dancing in her seat to the music, it took him a second to realize it was Svetlana watching something.

“Svet, say hi to Steve!” 

She laughed as she turned to his phone, giving it an eager wave, “Hello Steve! Wish you have come to visit with these boys!”

She blew him a kiss before she was pointing Johnny to towards the middle of the room, “Get that, it will make his boyfriend happy!”

Steve blinked at the comment and off screen Johnny chuckled as he turned towards Bucky dancing. Svetlana blocked the shot a little as she got up and stood in the way saying something to Bucky he didn’t catch since it was in Russian. 

Bucky laughed, Steve making out a white dress shirt that was opened all the way with nothing underneath. He held out a champagne bottle for her to take a drink from and long legs moved past the camera finally, the electric blue skirt of Svetlana’s short halter dress brushed past before Johnny finally adjusted the camera and she took the bottle only to put it on the table beside other empty bottles. 

Past them the sky was still dark but with a navy tinge to it he recognized as early morning trying to slowly wake up and reveal itself between curtains from an expansive window, the both of them looking a little too drunk for their own good. Bucky tried to pull her in but Svetlana only encouraged him to dance, Bucky not having any problem with that. He threw his arms up half bent, one index finger going along with the music, hips swaying shamelessly from side to side to the bouncy dance beats while Svet snapped her fingers and danced around him. She plucked up her martini glass along the way and took a sip, twirling around him and neither of them had any care in the world. 

It kind of brought a warmth in Steve in contrast to the grey skies and swirling icy winds outside. He wasn’t feeling so threatened these days and he felt better that the area was somewhere safe for Bucky to let loose without getting in trouble for anything so at least he was having fun which is what Steve wished for him. He felt himself nodding his head along to the music and smiling a little too fondly over Bucky just being himself, movements precise despite how drunk he looked and smiling away as he dropped head forward and concentrated on the music.

A few minutes later the camera was moving closer and Johnny was going towards Bucky, “Say hi Buck.”

He raised his head, face screwed up in confusion, “Hi Buck.”

Steve tried not to laugh while Johnny did, the camera phone moving to get a better shot of him, “Say hi to Steve not to yourself.”

Realization dawned on Bucky and he smiled, “Ohh, I see. Sorry Stevie. I miss you, maybe you should fly over here and visit me.” 

The camera turned around and Steve suddenly got a faceful of Johnny on the clip giving the camera phone a wink, “You should get on that. Bye Steve!” 

That was where the clip ended and Steve looked out the window to see the cab slowing down to take a turn and he tucked everything away, only a block from his place. Once inside the lobby, then into the elevator he was wondering if it was late, too late to call Bucky before he sent himself to bed. Trying to calculate the time difference, he fumbled to get his keys out of his jacket pocket even though he just had them out a few minutes ago, almost dropping his them at the door. 

Finally getting them out with a curse or two under his breath, Steve’s mind was still a little fuzzy and hated how warm his face felt. He unlocked the door and got it opened, shrugging his jacket off as he slipped out of his shoes. He half expected the bedroom light already on and he made his way down the dark hallway and past the archway in hopes of finding Bucky there maybe already asleep. Except he wasn’t there, something gripping at his heart when he pictured how Bucky may look there if he was, maybe laying on his stomach and pouring over a book of some sort or asleep on it like it was a pillow like he did at times. It was then he remembered again that Bucky was away in Germany until Monday night and he frowned to himself, stripping out of his pullover sweater and letting it drop to the floor in a heap. 

Steve let himself fall against the bed face first and it took a few minutes to realize his phone was going off in his front pocket, forcing himself to roll onto his back to dig it out. He smiled stupidly at the image he changed it to of him and Bucky at Coney Island, answering it as his head dropped back on the blankets.

“Buck, hey.”

“You used to call me on my cellphoneee..” Bucky sang out off key, trying not to laugh.

Steve laughed, a little too pitched and high but he didn’t really care, “It got late and work was busy, I’m sorry Drake.” 

“My phone alarm said to call you Stevie so I’m callin’ ya but I haven’t slept yet..”

Turning to his side, Steve was too lazy to use his brain, “What time is it?”

“Eight I think.” 

Bucky made a sound like he fell somewhere, the sound soft though, giggles slipping out of him and it made Steve smile stupid and wide.

“Partied Stevie, was fun,” He slurred out in a slow gradual way, groaning lightly as he sounded like he was trying to situate himself. “I think Jo and Svet are having sex on the couch haveta..” He yawned loudly, a ridiculously pleased moan escaping as Steve listened and stretched across the bed with him feeling equally as languid as Bucky sounded, “Haveta tell Yuri to clean it.”

Grinning to himself at the comment because it was oddly way too funny to him for some odd reason, sleepy eyes snapped open and Steve startled to the sound of a hand banging the wall through the phone.

“Hey you two! Use condoms!”

Steve laughed and Bucky joined in with him, hands going to the top buttons on his shirt absently undoing a few, “I’mma lil drunk right now too Buck. I can’t sit up.”

“Aw you poor baby..” He cooed.

A wave of dizziness washed over him, music playing and his foot tapping along to whatever Bucky was listening to. He heard the flick of a lighter and Steve suddenly wished he was there because he was sure Bucky was smoking up, the sound of a soft inhale with the faint barely there noise of paper burning only confirmed it.

“Judas, smoking on the phone when I don’t have any?” 

Giggling freely, the phone went staticky when Bucky blew smoke over the mouthpiece, “I’m sharin’ Stevie, just that you ain’t here to shotgun with.”

Scoffing, Steve shook his head. All he needed was for Bucky to press his lips against his or even be close to them despite the reason only being to share pot smoke between the pair of them. His mind wandered to Bucky’s lips, the way they looked when he blew smoke or sucked on a joint, dick jumping in immediate interest and he huffed out, dragging a hand over his face.

“What’re you doing to me?”

Bucky exhaled close to his ear, light and dreamy, “Whadda ya talkin’ about Stevie?”

“Nothin’. Mumbling to myself..but..you’d really wanna shotgun a joint with me?”

Bucky hummed over the phone, Steve could imagine him following it with a shrug, “Just hold me in your lap and I’ll do whatever you want.”

“Jesus..”

They lingered over the line, Steve finally realizing he was tapping his foot along to Mississippi Queen and it brought him back to smoking in Scott’s basement when they were fifteen years old and his parents went to some retreat for the weekend, leaving Lang to fend for himself and the family dog. His own ma was working double shifts at the hospital so he asked if it was okay to hang out at Scott’s for the weekend with Sam which she was okay with. He had an idea it was because Sam was there that she was more inclined to let him if only because she was witness to Scott setting a brand new toaster on fire just because he thought it would be an effective way to dry the remote control he had accidentally dropped into the toilet. 

Steve wasn't even sure how that even started, but Sam had to babysit his cousins for the evening so he was going to be late which left Scott and Steve bored until Scott held up a baggy of pot. At first Steve was scared his asthma would act up but then Scott being Scott put the cordless phone for his house by his legs just in case. Then he made sure Steve’s inhaler was ready and within reach even though Steve hadn’t needed that for a long while but his ma insisted he keep it on his persons at all times because you never knew. Scott even demanded he be taught the steps to try to calm him down while calling the ambulance just in case, Steve rolled his eyes but inside he was grateful his friend was ready to jump to his aid prepared if needed. 

In the end nothing bad happened, they just smoked way too much pot. They ended up laying on the floor against couch cushions eating Doritos and he was pretty sure they both inhaled a weeks supply of pizza rolls while playing a lot of Street Fighter and Mortal Kombat. The rock station was on in the background playing classics from the Seventies. He specifically remembered Mississippi Queen because Lang was trying to spell it and failed at attempting not to laugh at the same time. All Steve did was sing along and use his controller as a mic until he swung it like one and hit his friend in the face, and then Scott laughed more. They both did.

Nostalgia filled him, bubbly and warm like a perfect bath, which one day he should do because he was such a shower guy but watching Bucky bathe was an event in itself it made him curious. His mind trailed off again, it was weird for a second that he had seen Bucky bathe in bubble bath more than once, he was sure it wasn’t that weird..maybe. He wasn’t entirely confident on that answer. He didn’t even know _why_ he was even thinking about that because what the hell was he thinking about again?

Fuck was he so drunk.

“So what’re you wearing tonight Steve-o?”

Steve had to laugh, he really did. Bucky was, if anything, very relentless while intoxicated. It didn’t help that he was too, resting his free hand on his chest, grinning wide, “What’re _you_ wearing?”

“Me? Jeans, a dress shirt,” Bucky’s voice dropped low like was was looking away at something, “These really soft black silk briefs I honestly forgot I was wearing.”

_God fucking dammit Bucky._

Steve pursed his lips, his fingers curling into a loose fist, pressing it against his chest. He started it too, more curious and braver than normal, he had no one to blame but his goddamn self. He shook his head, mouth moving before his brain had any time to care, “Jeans? To bed?”

There was a long pause between them and Steve wasn’t sure if Bucky was still on the line.

“Do you want me to take them off?” 

Bucky’s voice was rich and velvety, it was driving Steve up the wall, his hand smoothing out against his upper chest warming skin just where the first few buttons are undone already, lightly rubbing at his collarbones because he was half hard already in his own jeans which now felt overly tight and irritating. 

He really wished someone would just come out of nowhere and kidnap him. Right. Now.

“You do what you wanna do.” He breathed out, trying to keep his tone even though he could barely _hear_ his tone, heart beating loud in his ears and he was a too fucking drunk for this he wasn’t sure being subtle was his expertise right then. 

“Are you going to sleep Stevie?”

Steve’s cock felt unbearable in jeans the more Bucky spoke because his voice was sin wrapped in so much temptation to just undo his pants and touch himself. He could clearly imagine Bucky laying in his own hotel bed, morning light barely coming in through drawn curtains and surrounded by soft sheets and bedding. He thumbed off the button of his fly, messy dark hair in his thoughts and red blushing lips so wet and shiny.

_God._

“Nah, not til you are.”

He tugged at his fly, moving it down slowly, _slower_ than that, each tooth of the zipper parting at a painstaking pace against the fabric of his boxers which were restraining his dick as he was trying not to make any sounds but he had to relieve some of the pressure, hips shifting uneasily as he stopped once it was at the end, fingers tugging jeans open and he sighed to himself while his eyes roamed to the ceiling in the darkness. 

“Mm, good. Want you here, wanna hear your voice Stevie.” 

Steve’s mouth went dry, scrabbling for breath as his lungs constricted to the way Bucky sounded. He didn’t have to think about Bucky’s words anymore, the pass in bed, how he felt. Steve didn’t have to second guess anymore that Bucky _wanted_. Even if it was innocent and really just wanting to hear his voice, Steve felt safe in knowing things were honest needs for Bucky and not his mind making them up especially while he was on this drunken plane.

And _his_ voice? Steve refrained from laughing because he would keep laughing, it was absolutely ridiculous to say that when Bucky was talking to him all drunk and breathy and absently making noises that maybe didn’t sound like anything bad to Buck but to Steve seemed like he was touching himself. There was no way he was, the sounds too far and few and his voice too straight forward, maybe a little on edge but present even if it slurred a bit. 

He was sobered enough to know this much, his hand slipping between his legs and rubbing through the fabric of his boxers to ease a little bit more even though he was sure he just made it worse, a small grunt slipping away from him though he only blamed Bucky over it and how his voice was leaving him fucking _aching_. 

If Bucky heard it, he said nothing, the faint sound of him smoking away and shifting occasionally before returning to however he was. Steve swallowed hard, his skin feeling too warm, clothes itchy over his skin and his brain telling him to take them off. 

“You should come over.”

Licking his lips, fingers worked down the buttons of his shirt as Steve nodded automatically, “I would. I'm serious about that, would just show up Buck, mean that.”

Chuckling reached through the phone, “Oh yeah Stevie?”

Barely managing to get himself half upright without a huge amount of effort, face flushed and forehead shining a little with a thin veil of sweat, Steve tugged and pulled until his shirt was thrown aside, collapsing back against the pillows. “Yeah, Jesus I would. Miss you.”

He could feel the smile before it came, another drag of the joint as laughter was dying away while Steve strained to listen to every second and fragment of Bucky, the palm of his hand smoothing along his chest. It was quiet, seconds too long and Steve wanted to hear him speak again, almost holding his breath for it.

“Miss you too Stevie.” 

And there was that smile, evident in his words. It made Steve feel proud, the sensation running all the way down to his toes even with how he was feeling in jeans that were way too tight and he was slipping them off to give him more relief, letting them go with a heavy thud before he realized.

“Was that your jeans?”

Panic washed over Steve, “I uh, yeah. Booze was making me too hot.” He shrugged it off, “Besides, I can sleep naked without you here.”

Bucky tried to muffle his giggles, bed rustling and Steve assumed he rolled over, a soft groan by his ear forcing his hand to move down and try to press the heel of his hand against his cock just to do _something_.

“I guess. It is hot though..” He paused to drink something, making a small annoyed noise, “This vodka is all watered down Stevie.” 

Steve thought about getting up and walking across the apartment all the way to the kitchen for a beer or something stronger with a painful boner and his body immediately shot down the idea. He figured it was best, one of them had to be more sober than the other, it might as well have been him. Not that it was saying a lot. He closed his eyes again, “Maybe it’s time for you to quit. I don’t know how you’re awake still. I’m sleepy.”

Bucky hummed in agreement, “Gotta dance all night. Just forget everything and dance all night.”

“No sex?” Steve asked before he was thinking.

“Nope, no sex. I got my hand tonight though, if I want.”

“Me too..” 

Laughing away again, Bucky took another sip of his drink, “Just use the lube in your drawer, have some fun. You got large hands and thick fingers.”

Raising his brows in surprise, eyes still closed, a smirk crossed Steve’s lips, “Stay out of my lube Buck and how the hell do you know what I’d do with my fingers?”

Bucky’s snickering was breathy and too amused, Steve felt his chest feel heavy and a little tight, a hand slipping off his stomach and lightly trailing the outline of his cock tenting his boxers.

“Don’t act all like you don’t finger yourself or you forget I saw you getting plowed by Stark!” 

Steve let out an undignified whine partially from teasing himself, half from Bucky’s mockery and heard the brunette snort over it. 

“You know I’m just fucking with you.”

Sober enough to know he was stupid and he shouldn’t, Steve was just far enough that did what he shouldn’t because he kind of didn’t care since well, Bucky already was attracted to him not that he was looking to reveal it, he just wanted to stop feeling so wound up and he was a little restless. Fingers curled around just a little to rub himself through the fabric, “Yeah.”

Cursing into the mouth piece, Steve made an irritated sound at himself and Bucky huffed. “Almost done my joint, rest of it is in the living room so I’m stuck here..wait give me a second, gonna- ”

Steve listened to Bucky grunt and struggle, lips holding back words picturing his best friend holding the joint between his lips doing whatever he was doing. He just tried his best to hold back any noises, small sighs slipping away before he swallowed most of it down.

“It’s so hot in here Stevie, why’s it so hot? It’s snowing outside a little, but in here..oh found the remote. Get a little bit of cool air coming in.”

Tilting his head back, Steve forced himself to drop his hand away, quickly trying to regain himself, feeling pathetically weak about everything. He rolled his eyes into the darkness, fighting to keep his hand off. 

“Whadda ya doin’ Buck?”

“Getting out of these pesky jeans. Feels like my ass is stuck in them.”

Steve facepalmed himself mumbling out, “They probably are.” 

“Shuddap.”

He listened to a whump kind of sound happening on the other side of the line and curiosity let him forget his minor problem as Steve tried picturing what Bucky was doing. Something was on top of the phone muffling a lot of it out and rubbing itself on the mouthpiece. Eventually Bucky came back, a little huffy and breathless and if Steve noticed his dick going soft, it just woke right back up again. He was way beyond saving anymore and could picture Sam folding his arms over his chest while shaking his head at him. 

The sound of Bucky humming to something playing in the background broke him out of his thoughts contemplating getting off the call so he wasn’t threatening to accidentally out himself before Bucky was ready to talk about those kinds of things, hand twitching to move down.

Less than a minute later his phone made a sound of a text alert and he absently checked it only to see Bucky was the sender; lying in bed with his shirt hung open and a little off his shoulders. The blankets sat bunched between his legs and tangled around one ankle, underwear still on from the little of the waistband he could see so he wasn’t entirely nude which Steve was a little happy about..considering. The daylight danced off pale smooth skin, stomach flat and a little soft, abs just barely pushing up against his skin and all Steve wanted was to put his mouth all over his body. 

The picture was a little crooked and slightly tilted, Bucky holding it high over his head to get his entire lengthy body, a blissful look on his face as he looked away, flushed cheeks a little blotchy, messy hair against a champagne colored pillow. The time Steve took looking at the image in full detail he was barely breathing, hand pressed against his stomach and his boxers gaining a wet spot. 

Bucky yawned, cutting into his less than clean thoughts and Steve barely managed to get his head together, hand rubbing against the damp fabric.

“Buck?”

“Hm, getting tired Stevie. I’m gonna get some sleep, okay?”

Hastily nodding, Steve forcefully huffed through his nose, dropping his hand away to say bye, fingers curling around the blanket bunched at his hip, “Night Buck.”

Yawning lazily again and making a small noise over it, he hummed happily, “Bye bye. Talk to you later Stevie.”

“Of course, bye.”

He held himself in ready, swallowing hard and lying in wait for the phone call to end for them and Steve went back to the picture when it was cleared. He felt partially bad because Bucky was drunk and he didn’t know how high he was but then not so much knowing how he felt as well as the fact that Bucky sent it to him so it was _for him_. 

Steve didn’t linger on it too much, staring at perky nipples and down the line of his body not looking anywhere else but his phone as his other hand shoved his shorts down hastily to get his dick out and not worry about taking the slow route today. He spat in his hand, too dizzy and horny to bother looking for his lube or lotion or _anything_ , spit and precum never failed anyway, wrapping a hand around himself, thumb swiping across the head and smearing everything downwards.

Staring at Bucky’s long lashes, Steve’s eyes flit across to his bottom lip bitten between teeth, mouth looking wet and shiny, Steve sure Bucky had licked his lips before taking the picture. He let his eyes roam down his body, pausing at his chest a few seconds before he moved on to the one place he wasn’t unveiled, a thick blanket covering any sign of if he was hard or not. Breathing louder into the darkness, Steve worked his hand faster, arching into his tightened fist as he thought about the lube in the drawer but refusing to drop the phone. He was almost teetering at the edge anyway, toes curling into the sheets.

His eyes closed a moment, gasping breathlessly over the mere idea of Bucky behind the covers because he was hiding how he felt but still wanting to tease him. Steve gazed at the image again, his eyes resting on meaty thighs and suddenly wondered about what Bucky would say if he was to ask him to wrap them around his head one day. It was the idea that pushed everything over the edge, cumming all over his chest to the thought of his hands grabbing at handfuls of ass while Bucky was on top of him gripping the headboard and fucking into Steve’s mouth as glorious thighs squeezed around his head. 

Steve groaned pathetically, throat dry and his arms dropping to either side as his phone bounced away from him. His eyes closed and opened a few times as a tiny pang of guilt kicked in even though it wasn’t much to do anything about it now and it wasn’t like he could really. Instead he lazily cleaned himself off with his shirt, foregoing as much movement as he could to just roll over and pass out. Later, there was always later to freak out over receiving a suggestive image and jerking off to it while they both shouldn’t have been chatting while intoxicated anyway. 

Nosing the closest pillow against his face, he ignored the sharp twist of discomfort coming from the bridge of his nose and Steve could smell Bucky’s shampoo off it, a feeling of comfort taking away all the worry he was sheltering. All he wanted was for him to come back, his hand blindly pawing around for his phone until the bright screen was staring at him with Bucky’s image again. He rested it against the pillows and sent a heart before turning the screen off, it didn’t have to mean anything at all but a part of him hoped Bucky took it as everything.

*****

Winifred entered the suite which was still decently put together but then again she knew housekeeping had probably come in by now, discreet in their clean up with unopened bottles of liquor sitting on the kitchenette counter top ready for use. She tucked her purse under her arm as she drew some of the curtains open to let light in before she turned her head towards the rooms where Bucky was shuffling out with his shirt on but not buttoned up yet and pants half done up and hair wet, freezing when he saw her standing there.

“Oh, um..am I late? How did you get in here?”

Winifred shook her head, eyeing the keys around his neck but not saying anything about it, “Lunch was moved up an hour early so that I could look into something afterwards. I took the liberty to come check if you were awake and I own this hotel, I don’t think they could stop me from coming in to my own son’s suite especially since technically it’s _my_ suite.” She stopped to step closer and study him, “Did you even sleep?”

Sighing softly, Bucky shrugged, “A little, I’m fine. Just- I planned to but I went out with Jo and Svet and we came back late.”

Disappointment suddenly filled his mother’s features, “I hope you didn’t do anything stupid, did you? With that _prostitute_ in tow and Jonathan of all people, he can’t even bother to make heads or tails of anything when he’s drunk. How many headlines does his poor mother have to endure before he gets his own act together?” 

Bucky pulled a face, “We were fine, we had a nice dinner, went dancing a little and came back to drink here away from public eye so you wouldn’t get upset. Besides, she’s not a prostitute, she’s an escort..the one _you_ were pushing on me when I was here last time, remember? She’s actually very nice.”

Winifred waved her hand dismissively turning her head to peek out the window, “Who has ever heard of a nice, _good intentioned_ prostitute? I don’t know what kind of values you look for in friends James. Sex workers, alcoholics, people that leech off other people, _drug addicts_. Even that one that came from the war blind, what is with you and collecting strays? Can’t you be friends with normal people?” 

Drawing in a lungful of air, Bucky’s hands were already in fists at his side, shaking them lightly in frustration but he couldn’t get into a fight like the last time she was insulting his friends. He tried to relax his breathing, letting his eyes close and taking in a moment before opening them again and boring them at the back of her head, “They _are_ normal people like everyone else and Jack didn’t come back blind, he’s half blind. You attempt to invade my privacy whenever possible but don’t keep full attention to the details of my friends, if you want to mock them then at least get the facts right, _mother_.” 

She looked back at him eyes narrowing, her head shook as she raised a finger in warning, tilting it his way slightly, “You had better watch that mouth of yours. You’re beginning to get too big for your shoes young man.”

Pressing his lips together Bucky’s shoulders fell in as he moved back on instinct watching her hand warily as he decided to keep his mouth shut. He avoided looking at her, holding in his breath a few seconds before he turned and went back into his bedroom to get himself together. 

Bucky’s cellphone vibrated across the glass table underneath a magazine and Winifred’s eyes suspiciously stared at a picture of Steve holding up a piece of sushi with his chopsticks and looking absurdly proud of himself when she moved the reading material out of the way. She approached, picking it up with one disdainful look. Her head raised to the sound of a closet door closing within the master bedroom and she quickly hit the decline button, maneuvering herself casually to the large expansive windows again and letting the phone slip from her fingers and drop behind one of the decorative pillows on the couch as she went.

Bucky scrambled around for socks, coming out of the room while his mother examined her nails, “Have you seen my phone? I can’t find it..I just had it before my shower.”

She let out a slight shrug and headed towards the door, “No, you can look for it later James. We need to get a move on, there are some diplomats I would like you to meet.”

Looping his belt, Bucky’s forehead crinkled, “But I was supposed to get a call before I left and it was imp- ”

“ _James_.” Winifred said with a strict no-nonsense tone in her voice, “We are going now. Find some shoes that _aren’t_ sneakers and get your sport coat on. Hurry up.”

“Where’s Jo?”

“He’s sleeping still, now I’m not surprised why. It’s only you and I, plus our guests for lunch my love.” 

The frown only got wider across Bucky’s face, those two words grating on him instead of feeling any ounce of happiness over them because she never meant it the way he wanted her to, watching as her fingers danced along the surface of a side table as she passed, inspecting her fingers for dust before she opened the door and let herself out. 

Urgency immediately filled his every pore and he had no time to look for his phone, not sure if Steve called but he would have heard it, he was sure. He was only one or two minutes longer in the shower before he was due to call but he heard nothing unless his phone was somewhere else entirely, though he went nowhere so it shouldn’t have. It just felt harder to be apart with it when he realized how he stupidly took a photo of himself that looked like he was trying for something softcore and sent it off to Steve, yet all he received was a heart after their goodbyes and somehow, somewhere inside of Bucky he knew that meant that it was alright. 

Not that he assumed Steve would turn into someone righteous about pictures like that, he had sent him a couple of racy ones by mistake before when they were meant for Jo and Steve never once made a comment about it but this time it was to _him_ and Bucky had a second of worry. The heart reply though, it was a welcome wake up even if it was just a stupid heart and probably meant nothing, Steve sent it and despite his lack of sleep, it seemed to give Bucky energy to tackle the day, it was just too sweet. 

But he was working himself up, trying to shake it away as he tugged his dark coat off one of the hangers and slipped his feet into some casual dress shoes. He looked at himself real quick, no time to really style his hair and he ran his fingers through it as he pushed it back as much as he could, gesturing to his own reflection to keep it like that before that itch to get going pushed at him. 

Bucky made a quick pass through the sitting area and the kitchenette but there was no phone, disappointment filling his entire being because he could have at least sent texts to Steve while he was out but now he was stuck with his mother and people he would have to smile and put on a show for which was generally alright if they didn’t bombard him with questions and as long as his mother didn’t make some remark he had to just accept it should be set. Drawing in a small breath of air, he left the suite, he’d have to deal with the phone later.

*****

It was when Bucky was leaving the restaurant that he saw him. Discreetly moving faster, past his mother and other patrons trying to get into the limo as fast as he could and slipping a hand into his coat only to find he had no phone. He held back as much as he possibly could, enduring the ride back to the villa to watch his mother leave with her security detail before he was alone in the back of the limousine and exhaling deeply, hands smoothed over his cheeks and hitting the button for the automatic window to let some air in ignoring the cold chill that came with it.

He picked up the phone mounted to the wall paneling, contacting the hotel and waiting for an answer his hand worriedly pulling at the fabric of his dress pants until there was a familiar voice at the other side. 

“Yuri?” Bucky sighed in relief, “It’s Bucky, yes. I don’t have my phone on me, can you please have Mr. Storm come down and meet me in the lobby? It’s important, wake him up if you have to. He won’t mind if it’s for me.” He nodded, “Thank you.” 

Putting the phone back into its cradle, he dropped his head against the leather, pressing his hands against his face trying to ignore all the memories flooding back in and the way it felt trying to keep his breathing calm and forcing himself to relax even though he didn’t want to, panic swelling up within him and trying to recall if he was seen or not now that doubt began to fill his mind.

Bucky didn’t even notice they had arrived back to the hotel, the door opening for him when the doorman approached with a smile and he quickly schooled his face to something that looked less horrified and more easy going.

“Welcome back Mr. Barnes.” 

Bucky faintly smiled, “Thank you.”

He entered the lobby, spying Yuri and Johnny to the side talking, his friend hastily dressed and bed-headed but aware and alert. Bucky realized his face must have not been as casual as he had hoped for, a surprised look on Yuri’s face saying it all. Johnny gave the man a smile and nod before he was moving Bucky’s way and all Bucky wanted to do was fall into arms and hang on.

Bucky made it up until the elevator doors closed for them and then he was resting his head against Jo’s shoulder, a hand going into his coat pocket for his key card, “Where’s your room card?”

“I’m fine Jo, I’m fine.” Yet he didn’t pull himself away, instead curling up closer, his hand resting against Johnny’s shirt and curling around the fabric a little. 

They were on the move again, letting himself be directed once the chime went off for their floor. He fished into his inside coat pocket and missed the card sliding into the reader twice before Johnny held his wrist and steadied his hand. 

“I know, but I’m going to sit with you anyway. Besides you’re holding all the leftover stuff and I raided my booze cabinet already with Svetlana, like really, do they _know_ who’s staying in that suite?”

Bucky tried to smile, something. He couldn’t, worried and scared that man saw him and followed somehow and he suddenly decided he wasn’t going to leave his room for the night. He twisted suddenly and moved past Johnny to flip the deadbolt and the door latch, assuring himself that it was secure despite being already electronically locked by the key card lock. 

“What happened?” Johnny asked tentatively, moving back to get one of the bottled waters out of the fridge.

Raising his hand dismissively Bucky wasn’t able to explain, feeling weird and having an odd terrible sensation crawling over him. His hip bumped into the side of the tall wing-back chair and the thoughts of being seen built up a paranoia in his head, ideas swirling around about the man getting access to his room maybe looking for revenge. He couldn’t be sure, he just _couldn’t_. He trusted Yuri and the rest of the staff was good but there was also a small chance..

It suddenly hit him like a tidal wave, a roll of force like he was about to dry heave but it was mainly the reality of it overcoming him. Clutching his stomach he felt his body pitch forward again, fingers grasping at the corner of the couch and he was bowled over abruptly throwing up the contents of lunch all over the carpet.

"Oh God.." He sputtered out, trying to stumble to the bathroom only to collapse onto one knee and throw up more. His eyes widened, still thinking of being stalked as he was staring at the mess and terrified over someone giving access to his room and assuming it may be nothing, taking a simple bribe or somehow a master lock accessed. 

He stayed as perfectly still as he could on hands and knees trying to breathe and stop the cramps gripping him like a vice. He prepared himself for another wave of nausea but nothing came and he was sure worried thoughts were all a fantasy, too dramatic for normal life, too silly but he was suddenly paralyzed in that mind frame anyway. He sucked in a shallow breath, and then another, too quickly over and over again. Johnny collapsing down beside him and Bucky barely registered a cool cloth wiping up his mouth and pulling him away from the mess he made. 

Everything was spinning, Johnny's face was changing to something too serious as he looked at him and Bucky began to slump back against the arm holding him, his own hand pressed to his chest, fingers clutching at his shirt. Moving into his space, Jo worked quickly, undoing the few top buttons as he was saying something to him. Bucky heard none of it over the sucks of air and the feeling of all his hearing drowning out as if submerged in water. He felt himself practically collapsing into his arms now, his eyes fluttering closed then opening again as he was cradled on the floor against thick soft carpeting.

He could see Johnny speaking some more, lips moving and brows stern but there was still nothing as he wheezed for air. Bucky could only struggle, watching him with wide eyes. A warm hand cupped his cheek to really look at him.

“Hey, Buck. Breathe for me, you’re okay.” His voice soft and calm, “I won’t let anything happen, okay?”

Bucky stared up at him practically pleading and Johnny smiled, not too wide but there.

“Take deep breaths.” He slipped fingers up to brush hair away from Bucky’s eyes, “Just breathe Sweets, can do that for me?” 

Trying to, something sat at Bucky’s throat and it felt tight and constricting, he shook his head back and forth watching the smile slip away off Johnny’s face before he nodded to him, keeping his side pressed against his chest.

“Do exactly what I’m saying; breathe in- ” He took in a deep breath, slow and purposeful while nodding to Bucky to do the same, “And then out.”

The first attempt was hard, lungs burning as he twisted his fingers into the material of Jo’s pants and then tried again, mimicking him perfectly when his friend did it again for him. He sucked in a deeper breath the second time around and held it a couple of seconds before shakily letting it out in a slow exhale. He did it a few more times, deliberate like Johnny was, a hand comfortingly held at the back of his neck, grounding him after giving the spot a small squeeze.

“That’s it, you got it.”

Bucky couldn’t say anything still, but he loosened his death grip on Johnny’s pant leg as he partially nodded.

“Just take it easy, you’re doing good.”

“I’m sorry.” Bucky croaked out abruptly, turning his head as he leaned in, burying his head against Jo’s chest without another word.

Johnny only held him tighter, fatigue quietly coming in and lulling him into a perfect sense of sleepiness feeling safe where he was even if it was on the floor even if he wasn’t entirely sure he could rest fully.

One of Jo’s arms moved away from him and he really didn’t much think about it really until he felt something press against his ear, firm and flat, and it took him a moment to realize it was a phone and Steve’s voice coming in confused.

“Buck? You there?”

“Stevie?” He winced at the sound of his voice, strained and weak.

“Hey, there you are. Are you okay?”

Bucky couldn’t help the relieved smile slipping across his face, leaning more against Johnny because he was grateful. His head tilted back and he caught Johnny looking at him, a careful expression on his face and he nodded to him, passing him a tissue because he knew he was going to ask for one even if his face was cleaned up.

“Tell him Buck. It'll make you feel better.”

Sighing, Bucky was afraid of Steve getting upset and too far away to do anything.

“Johnny called. Where are you both?”

Biting his lip nervously, Bucky shrugged even though he knew Steve wouldn’t see it, “On the floor..in my suite. I got sick and had a panic attack. I’m okay now, I just got really scared..I- ”

“Are you alright? Do you need anything from my side?”

Suddenly Steve’s voice was stronger, more urgent and there was this feeling of relief and protection that washed over Bucky. He nodded at the phone, a hand gently rubbing his back that he didn’t have to remember was Johnny while he was talking to Steve because he knew Jo wanted him to take everything from Steve, even trying to believe he was there. 

“Yeah Stevie, I’m okay. Just a little shaken up. That man is here, I went to lunch and I saw him eating. I saw him and I freaked out a little.” 

“Which man Buck?” Steve paused, sorting and thinking, suddenly his voice dropped a little and went sharp, “The one that touched you?”

Bowing his face shamefully, he nodded instead of answering before realizing what he was doing, “Y-yeah. That one. He didn’t see me though..I don’t think.” He sucked in a slow breath, “I got back to the hotel and then I kept thinking over and over again if maybe he saw me and somehow got inside while I was sleeping or in the shower..”

“You wanna come home? You can come home, we’ll figure out _how_ with your mother later, just tell me and I’ll bring you back myself.”

Weight shifted off Bucky’s shoulders, slipping away like a heavy blanket. He could finally close his eyes without thinking anything horrible, relief sweeping over. He smiled absently, dropping his head against Johnny’s shoulder wishing Steve was there instead but not minding the company nonetheless. 

“Tu ma faci fericit.”

A noise of recognition escaped Steve, “You said that last night to me.”

Bucky couldn’t help smiling, “I did.” 

“You never told me what it meant..” He murmured softly.

“I didn’t.” Bucky teased, coy and playful because no matter how he felt a few seconds ago, Steve made him feel special, arms encircling his middle and he tilted his head to lean close against Johnny because he knew his friend worried even if he didn’t show it. 

“Tell me?”

“Mm, maybe when I see you again.”

Exhaling obnoxiously, Steve made an annoyed noise over the phone, “You’re a tease, you know that don’t you?”

“You don’t even know how much of a tease I can be Rogers.”

Johnny snorted into Bucky’s hair, “I’m pretty sure he has a small idea.”

“What did he say?”

Bucky tilted his head to look at his friend, Johnny trying to lean in and listen to Steve’s reaction before answering, “He said you have an idea of how much of a tease I can be.”

Steve rested his cheek against his knuckles, sitting at the couch with his arm propped on the arm of the sofa. He ran the back of his nail against his bottom lip, chuckling lightly, “Yeah well, I’ve seen those tight boxers you wore that your butt was about to tear apart.”

Jo laughed, “You two need to fuck it out, seriously.”

“Jo!”

His friend shrugged, “Buck. The guy just said he loves watching your ass, Steve am I right? You said that? What are you getting mad about anyway Buck? You always talk about his tits and ass right in front of the guy!”

“Oh my God!” Bucky shoved the phone back into Johnny’s hands and pulled himself away, pressing his palms against his reddening cheeks as he escaped to his room, “You’re so _embarrassing_!” 

Snickering to himself, he pulled the cell to his ear, “I think I just mortified your boyfriend.”

“I can’t believe you right now.” Steve let out through his laughter, “Where did he go?”

“To his bedroom, he’s fine. He’s distracted now anyway.”

Steve calmed down, nodding to himself, “Hey, thanks for calling me.”

Shrugging slightly, Storm tilted his head against the wall, dropping his voice a little to avoid being overheard, “He needed you. Since you know that stuff now, it feels better to pull you in. I don’t have to fight you about it with all that ‘no you’re imagining things’ mumbo jumbo. So much easier now.”

“Yeah okay, true..but you’re there and I’m not..” Steve paused a moment, watching the clouds collecting over a grey sky wondering if what he was about to say should be said. Should be done. He chewed at his lip fretfully, running a hand through his hair. “If he, you know needs anything, give it to him..if you- ” Steve swallowed thickly, “I mean if you know what I mean.”

Thinking a second, Jo screwed his face up in mild surprise trying to really grasp what he was saying. “Uh, are you saying what I _think_ you’re saying? You two aren’t dating but like should you recommend that? I mean- ”

“ -No, yeah. It’s definitely _weird_ but you know him and yeah his body too. If he, I mean he may not but, if it makes him feel better, let him. I think, I don’t know I get this feeling in our conversations this morning he may not want to anymore with you..? I hope, I mean no offense but,” Steve coughed in discomfort, “Wow this is really awkward..”

Blinking as everything finally sank in, Johnny nodded to him, “You two talked, in his bedroom _alone_. I was wondering where he went, I figured he just went to bed.”

“We didn’t do anything..I mean I think we were kind of flirting, well he was, nowadays I can be sure of it. We were drunk, I wanted to..I didn’t encourage him to but I wanted to..you know do..” Steve stammered along, pressing a hand over his forehead, “.. _stuff_.”

Johnny’s brows went up, “Stuff?”

“Yeah stuff, I’m not gonna spell it out.”

“So you two talked, he sounded hot and he was flirting with you since you know how he feels. You wanted to have phone sex with him, you don’t know if he wanted to and you were both drunk or something?..Then..you just got off the phone and jerked off?”

Steve could feel his face blooming a deep shade of red, the warmth wrapping all the way around his head and down his body. He couldn’t believe he was talking to Johnny about masturbating and Bucky in the same subject, letting his eyes squeeze shut. “I’m just saying, take care of him if he wants you to. I don’t want to get ahead of myself but he seems to be pulling away from the casual stuff..”

“Because he wants you buddy, he’s always wanted you.”

A happiness bloomed in Steve’s belly, smiling to himself, “And I want him. I’m just not there and I want him to feel safe, stay with him if you can too.”

Johnny shrugged, “You know me, I’ll do whatever to make Buck feel better. It’s all up to him..”

“I know, maybe talk to him about it, I just want him to have anything he wants.”

There was a slight delay before Jo laughed in surprise over the whole thing, “Damn Steve, you’re one hell of a boyfriend.”

“Not yet..but I hope I can be for him. Maybe one day.”

Softening his face, Jo nodded, “You will be.”

*****

Johnny had fixed himself a drink when Bucky finally came out of his room, hair damp and clothing changed. Evening had begun to creep in and Jo's fingers lingered over the open room service menu at the writing desk, “Hey.”

A small smiled crossed Bucky’s face, “Hey. Sorry I left you here. Washed my face then ended up taking a nap. Did Steve say anything?”

His friend turned back to the menu, nodding at it, “Yeah, he was heading out with Sam and I told him to go ahead. I figure one of us can call him if we had to.”

“Yeah, true. Thanks, for calling him. Made me feel better, well except for embarrassing me.”

He chuckled, “It’s true though and that guy is obsessed with your ass. I don’t know if it’s more or less than the amount I’m obsessed. Do you want zander, dorade, schwein or the reh?”

Pleased Bucky didn’t have to ask if they could stay in, he strolled over, slipping his hands across Johnny’s shoulders and smoothing them over muscles hidden away beneath his shirt as he peeked over at the menu. He made a face at the choices, “I want ente.”

“There’s no duck on this menu.”

Stealing his drink, Bucky strolled over to the bar to mix another one, drinking down whatever was left in the glass he had, “Say it’s for me, they will.”

Raising his eyes, Storm gave him a momentary glance with a raised brow, “I thought you were all, ‘I don’t wanna be a part of this world’?”

Turning to press his back against the wall and biting at his lip, Bucky smiled mischievously, “I want duck. If the only way I get that is to say who wants it, then I will.”

Jo picked up the in-suite phone line, playfully giving him a judgmental look, “So spoiled.”

“Don’t pick on me Mr. I-have-more-sports-cars-than-I-can-really-drive.”

“Shh, I’m on the phone.”

Bucky shook his head, watching him turn his back on him as he spoke on the line. 

Of course as Bucky expected, they did had roast duck on hand and Johnny was oddly suspicious of how not surprised they sounded about the request which he didn’t ask about. The food came rather quickly, a staff member wheeling in a grand golden serving cart that even Bucky felt had too much food for them. He waited in the wing as he watched the man lay out smooth soft while tablecloth across the small dining table set to the side of the room, placing dome covered serving plates on either side with a bottle of wine set in the center. Curiously, Bucky watched him help himself in the cabinets for glassware and utensils while Johnny only let the man do what he needed to do, sitting off on the couch lazily.

Feeling a bit too useless as he clasped and unclasped his hands, Bucky leaned closer towards the table, “Do you..need anything?”

The man lifted his head and gave him a smile, “No Mr. Barnes, I should be almost done here and then you can eat. I took the opportunity to bring you some wine, it should go well with your dish as well as with Mr. Storm’s and your gift arrived earlier today,” He turned and picked up a box carefully resting on the second shelf on the cart right in the center so it didn’t slip off on it’s route here.

"My gift?" 

Bucky took the box, wrapped in Bordeaux red wrapping paper. He glanced back at the hotel staffer only to watch him go back to setting the table and uncorking the wine. Glancing back at Johnny, he didn’t get much of anything from him and his eyes returned to the box. He removed the light paper only to find the box underneath fashioned in actual wood and small gold corners. ‘Sacher-Torte, Vienna’ sat written across the top in beautiful cursive and he knew exactly what this was, flipping the small golden latch to lift up the lid finding a chocolate torte wrapped carefully in cellophane. 

He turned his head to Jo, “Did you order this?”

Johnny automatically shook his head and shrugged, Bucky turned to their server but the male immediately shook his head. Bucky’s brows unhappily came together, lips pulling into a pout until Jo was laughing from the couch.

“It’s just dessert Buck.”

“These things are like..fifty bucks Jo!”

“Then it better be good.”

Their served stepped towards Bucky, “Would you like me to cut it for you sir?”

“I- ” 

Not sure who it was from, Bucky hesitated and Johnny was up from where he sat and approaching them, “Yes, please. Did you bring the whipped cream?”

“I did.”

“Great,” Jo turned to Bucky, bringing his hands onto his shoulders, “Don’t look so tense. We’re gonna eat, have some really pricey cake- ”

“It’s a torte.”

“Yeah okay, have some real pricey _torte_ and just relax, okay?” 

Bucky gave up, his head too exhausted for this and so was his body. He allowed himself to be led to the table and he sat down while Johnny turned to let the employee out and lock the door up with every available safety feature for Bucky’s peace of mind, going as far as to pull the table corner out of the small alcove in the wall and leave it in the way of the door so if anyone got it opened, it would buy them some time. Bucky should have felt silly about such a detail but Jo only smiled as he came back and didn’t even address it, lifting the dome cover off both plates to set them aside.

Reaching over, Bucky grasped his hand and kissed the back of it before he let go so his friend could sit across from him, “I’m starving.”

“Yeah, me too.”

*****

“Do you mind me staying over the night?”

Quietly curled up on the couch, Bucky surfed through the channels as he shook his head, “As long as you don’t care.”

Brows shot up, “Me? I couldn’t imagine anywhere else.”

Bucky smiled at him, waiting until Johnny was sitting down to rest his head on his friend’s shoulder. It didn’t take too long for him to be dozing from his food coma and spacing in and out, comfortable and happy when he felt lips kiss his ear and along his neck and a small laugh slipped away. He didn’t feel so bloated anymore, curling in to the attention. Johnny only pressed, tips of his fingers brushing along Bucky’s thigh, nibbling tender skin.

Fingers crept up and Bucky was abruptly changing his tune, squirming and arching away because he suddenly wasn’t sure and Johnny drew back, staring at him carefully.

“Hey, you okay?”

Hesitating, Bucky shrugged a little, “I- um do you think what we do is right?”

Johnny turned a bit on the couch to look at him, “Is this because of Steve?”

“Yeah I guess, well not entirely..maybe. I don’t know. Sorry? I’m just- ” He sighed and threw his hands up a little, “That stuff with Tony. I keep thinking about it on and off. I know you and I aren’t the same as them, but they could be like us and possibly fall back into something, we never had the something. We were always in this with a different outlook on it and still, I can’t help feel a little hypocritical about it.”

Staring at him a long moment, Johnny reached out playing with Bucky’s fingers, “You’re right. Our situation is different from theirs where they don’t have a situation. At all. Buck you gotta get past thinking about that picture and I know it’s not easy when the bad overrides the good in your head on a constant basis but you gotta. He won’t go back to him, I can tell he has no plans to but if you feel better not doing stuff with me anymore that’s your choice too. I mean I get it, even if what we do is just getting rid of stress and tension and at the end of the day it’s just sex between friends..you think about how it looks. I know we’ve gotten closer from it, we take care of each other but it’s not something we couldn’t handle. It’s just..us.”

Thoughtful, Bucky stared at him, “I keep thinking about what if he did plan to do something but he keeps thinking about how you and I are. Sometimes he talks nice about you sometimes he doesn’t. It gets confusing what he’s thinking about.” 

Johnny thought back to Steve’s comment despite neither of them having control over Bucky’s needs or wants sexually, it was true however that he knew him enough and if this was their route of conversation he was going to offer a nice evening on getting his mind off things like earlier.

“I get that and if you want to pull back, I’m okay with that. It’s whatever you want Buck. You’re in control, so we’re clear..if you want anything I’m here but you have to instigate it because I don’t want to push you into anything.”

Bucky nodded, “I’m sorry.”

“Hey, stop being sorry. Me and you, we’re different. Always been saying that, as long as we’re still friends and nothing’s awkward, alright?”

Making a sound of agreement, Bucky leaned in for a hug and Johnny met him halfway.

“I want you to know though that if you want a last time, I wanna do it.”

That blush he was so used to arose seconds later across Bucky’s face, bumping noses with him, “Jo..”

Johnny would have normally heard a lecture in that tone but right then there was a small heat sitting in it, eyes staring at him and studying his face, tongue wetting lips. He pressed a kiss against Bucky’s cheek, drawing back beside him to pick up the extra slice of torte that sat waiting for them. He took a bite and passed the saucer over.

Bucky took it but only stared at it, his mind derailed from thoughts of one last time and if he was right in his decision to stop their little private, sometimes not so private, moments. He sank the fork through a piece taking a delicate bite, that blush rising high across his cheeks, eating it slowly while he savored and let the chocolate linger across his tongue.

It took him a moment, eyes closed for a few seconds before he opened them to see Johnny's head turned to watch him, face paying no expression but he could read him. He was keeping his hands to himself only because he was being respectful and not because he wanted to. This was Bucky's weakness, one of his favorite vices. To tantalize and seduce, so he got what he wanted. He was born a natural for it, refining and perfecting as he aged, Johnny being one of the first people to point it out. It was so instinctive that he did it without thinking, innocent and naive to it but he also used it when he was aware of it, to tempt and charm when he wanted to have something without a conscious effort or take someone away to a hotel room for a night or to their place. He found it fun, always a little curious on how _easy_ it was to attract someone with it. Licking the back of fork lazily, Johnny rested his head against his shoulder. 

"Sweets, you're killing me here."

Bucky only hushed him, feeding him a bit of torte with his fingers, both of them glancing at each other while Bucky licked his fingers clean, holding his thumb out. The offer wasn't even hesitated on, Johnny's mouth taking in it in, lips wrapped tight as he suckled gently, his tongue roving over every bit of space he was given. 

This was one of the things Bucky was always curious about. He tended to be the one catered to, fed and taken care of but he especially enjoyed seeing how it looked the other way around, scooping up another bit of their dessert with two fingers, holding it out an inch or so in front of Jo's lips. Their eyes met as his mouth moved and he was taking Bucky's fingers in all the way to the second knuckle. He lapped at the expensive chocolate coating that had melted and stained slender fingers, trying to suck those fingers deeper into his mouth when Bucky made a small noise, withdrawing them away.

Glancing at him apologetically, Johnny tried to sit back. Bucky put the plate aside, a hand cupping at his cheek and smiling at him, "Yes."

"Yes?"

Bucky nodded, hand slipping into the one Jo held out and he was pulled into a kiss, soft and careful, fingers tucked behind his ear as the pads of them slipped down his neck. His head fell to the side, feeling Johnny graze his teeth across the side of his throat, warm breath dancing against his skin as he placed a few open mouthed kisses in the same place. Johnny was discreet when they were away from home, out of the country, more people looking and trying to catch things, he knew not to mark anywhere that couldn't be covered by clothing only fleeting kisses and gentle teeth over his jugular today.

Hands began unbuttoning Bucky's shirt in quick succession, Johnny roaming his palms along chest and stomach until they rested at his hips and pulled at him to come over.

“Come on..Buck..” Johnny groaned, dropping his head back when there was playful resistance and Bucky only smiled as he climbed onto his lap, pressing his hands against the texture of the couch as he ground against the fabric of Johnny's jeans feeling his friend's head lift up and nose against his chest. Face flushed and warm, he nuzzled between his pecs before his mouth found one of Bucky's nipples and his hands grabbed at his ass, squeezing roughly and pressing him down on his dick so he could grind in harder. 

“Baby..” He purred out and a spark of something jolted inside of Bucky, a soft gasp of surprise escaping him and their eyes met, Johnny smiling and lifting a hand up to cup Bucky's cheek, thumb swiping across his lower lip, “You love that, don't you?”

Instead of answering, Bucky only continued rolling his hips, teasingly nipping at Storm's thumb before he licked the pad of it, taking it into his mouth to suck on.

Johnny watched, mouth parted as he arched his own hips, "If this is the last time we're doing this, let me enjoy it. I got a few things I wanna do.." 

“Bedroom.” Bucky barely managed to get out before he was forced to climb off and they both scrambled to stand, hurriedly being pulling towards that way. Hands grabbed onto hips, pressing him hard against the wall just after stepping through. The lock clicked for extra security just in case as Johnny pushed and pinned himself in.

"Jo, the bed..it's right there.." Bucky whined.

"Lemmie," Face pressed against his skin and he inhaled, mouth leaving wet messy kisses as palms dragged down over his jeans and squeezed against thighs, "Lemmie just do something.."

“Jesus,” Bucky groaned out, pulling away from Johnny’s mouth to get his arms out of his shirt and toss it to the side only to watch his friend take a small step back so he could drop down on his knees, fingers hooking onto the belt loops of Bucky's jeans to keep him there against the wall, eyeing him to make sure Bucky didn't move from that spot. Not right then at least.

Before Bucky could even think, Johnny’s face pressed up against his jeans and nuzzled through his clothing. It took a few seconds for his brain to get with the program considering he had other plans in mind, hands momentarily hovering around by his outer thighs with twitchy fingers lost in thought to either hold Jo’s head or if he should lean back. Finally he settled on resting one at his side while he dragged his other hand along Johnny's short hairs feeling himself grow harder.

He watched Johnny in silent awe do away with his belt, tactfully popping open the button above his zipper fly, Johnny biting his lower lip in absolute focus and concentration. Bucky listened to him let out a soft curse at briefs meeting him, pulling the fabric down as much as he could leaving flushed hot kisses along the base of his cock while a hand pulled him out. A wet kiss hit the head of it before he winked up at Bucky accepting help in getting out of his own shirt while he made quick work of his jeans and briefs. Jo took a second to wiggle out of the rest of his clothing before he was kneeling back in front of him taking Bucky in hand.

“I’ll never get bored of looking at that cock.”

Bucky could only look at him with darkened eyes, trying to calm his breathing down and softly cupped Johnny’s face for a moment before moving to rest it on his shoulder stroking his skin lightly. Johnny wrapped his fingers around, stroking and petting just enough to really get him interested, teasing him. He pressed Bucky’s cock up against his belly and licked a long trail slowly up the underside. His palm slid easily up and down his shaft eyes looking back as he tilted his face up, brushing his cheek against his cock, nuzzling into it and sighing out in lost bliss.

Bucky closed his eyes, letting himself take a second as he dropped his head back, “Jesus Johnny, _Jesus fucking Christ_. What’re you doing to me huh?”

Johnny smiled, brows coming together at the words as he looked up at him again, “What _I_ do you to you? What about what _you_ do to me? Make me want you in every way, you know that?”

His voice was thick and heavy gesturing before him with a tilt of his chin, eyes lit up in playful mischief as his hands softly caressed Bucky’s inner thighs just staring at what sat between those legs, “Plus half the time I don’t know how to handle _that_ thing but I always wanna get on it.”

Bucky couldn’t help the snort abruptly sound out of him, he lifted his hand to press his palm against his forehead helplessly, fingers eventually combing through his hair, shaking his head, “Shut up.”

He watched Johnny nuzzle in again, his mouth partially open and dragging hungry kisses all along the underside and down his balls eventually moving to place a chaste kiss at the head with a playful smile, hand giving a gentle squeeze. 

“Fuckin’ _tease_.” Bucky managed to let out, not trusting himself to say more.

As he figured, the comment only encouraged Johnny, making sure Bucky watched as he sucked on the head and let it slide slowly into his mouth, humming in content as his eyes slipped closed. His mouth was so hot, hips itching to slide himself in and get more of the slick wetness but he behaved himself instead, pressing his palms against the wall.

Drawing off him, Bucky stared at the string of precum and saliva connecting them together off bottom lip. Johnny only smiled, wrapping fingers at the base of his cock and stroking just barely as he rubbed his face against his sensitive reddening head. Parted lips pressed in and suckled around, playful kitten licks exploring him as if he never had the chance before pushing his cheek in and Bucky watched his precum drag along cheekbone leaving a faint streak behind. The sight and friction only made Bucky groan out, fingers twisting tight into a fist. 

Johnny brought a hand up to rest against Bucky’s hip, letting his mouth fall open unceremoniously wider as he swallowed him down and Bucky tentatively braced himself with a shudder, resting one hand over the one seated at his hip, his other gingerly brushing against Johnny’s short shaved hairs to the back of his head. Johnny took more of his dick down his throat while he felt fingers creep along to gently press at the nape of his neck cradling his head. He stared up and Bucky watched in utter silence, bright blues staring at dark stormy greys like he was worth so much. His face pushed into hairless pale skin before he drew off again, smirking as he mouthed at the head of Bucky’s cock, wet and sleek. Taking him back into his mouth again, Bucky parted his lips exhaling air trapped behind them and watched with his head tilted to the side, Johnny sitting up straighter, putting himself on display as eyes trained down his shoulder and along Jo’s side eventually resting at the ass pushed out for him. 

Bucky stared, fascinated at lips stretching around him, dark red and his hand found itself petting hair as Johnny never once tried to drop his gaze. Drawing in a deep breath, he took in more of Bucky’s cock down his throat instead until his nose was nuzzling into the crease of his skin. He pulled away just as sweetly, slow and aching, teasing still while he kept suckling on him and Bucky was helpless to the sounds escaping him. Reaching finally at the head of his cock, Jo's hand held him firmly as he traced it with his tongue, taking his fair time and letting the small sounds he was making escape past lips; vibrations that jolted through every nerve as Bucky pressed his back against the wall trying to brace himself up and ignore the jello sensation in his legs. Johnny nuzzled his face against the hard line of his dick again like he couldn't get enough, hand smoothing along Bucky’s hip, mouth open and lips dragging across sensitive skin. His tongue occasionally darted out to lick at the head or down his shaft humming appreciatively while his cheek snuggled against it and Bucky really felt like his legs were just about to buckle.

“Fuck Jo, if that wasn't the prettiest sight I’d ever seen..”

Staring up at him through lowered long lashes, because boy did Johnny know how to use that to his advantage, he smiled playfully pressing soft light kisses along him, “Gonna miss me Buck? I’ll miss having fun with you like this.”

Bucky cupped his cheek fondly, “Not gonna miss you too much, you’re still gonna be around just maybe not this way. Still gonna love you no matter what we do, yeah?”

Johnny nodded up at him, watching Bucky’s hand move back and take his cock in his hand, mouth automatically opening, face shiny with absent trails of spit and precum as he closed his eyes in wait.

Eyes trailed down Johnny’s body again, fixated on hardened nipples he wanted to get his mouth on, his entire body flushed and misted in a layer of sweat that gave him that soft shine Bucky loved. He pushed his cock into Johnny’s mouth, just the head past awaiting lips that closed around him, sucking with just the right pressure to make Bucky groan. Slowly, Johnny moved Bucky's hand away, wrapping his own around instead just as he pulled off, stroking Bucky as he trailed his tongue back down the underside and moaned sweetly all the while nuzzling his face against his balls. 

“Mm Buck,” Johnny purred out, returning upwards with the drag of opened mouthed kisses and pretty lips, “Want you to cum on my face.”

“Jesus Christ..” 

It was all Bucky could mumble out just as Jo was wrapping his lips on his dick again and sucking him off like it was the last thing he would get to do. Well it could quite possibly be the last time Bucky found his cock down Storm’s throat in any case so it wasn’t that far off. He dropped his head back against the wall with a dull thud, staring up at the ceiling while his hand wrapped around Jo’s upper arm to keep himself focused.

“God, gonna make me cum goin’ on like that, mouth like a fucking Hoover..thought you wanted to take your sweet time?”

Johnny pulled off only to smirk at him and had the audacity to throw a wink in, “That’s the point Sweets, make you want both ways.”

Choking out a laugh, it dissolved into a guttural growl when Johnny went back down on him. He stared down to see Storm slip a hand down between his legs, palming at himself, cheeks hollowing as he closed his eyes and moaned heatedly like he couldn’t get enough of his dick. 

Bucky squeezed at Jo’s bicep when he couldn’t take too much longer and almost instantly Johnny was drawing off him, lapping the head of his cock but not doing much more while his hand continued working on himself. “Wanna watch you cum, can I?”

Grinning wide, Storm only nodded, pressing a little kiss on him before letting go of Bucky’s dick and straightening up a bit as he jerked himself off, eyes peering up at him in awe while Bucky gaped back and watched. He brought a hand out, fondly cupping Jo’s face, his entire body blooming a new shade of red while his eyes stayed so blue.

“Lemmie suck you off while I do it, c’mon Buck..”

He only brought Johnny’s face in, sliding his cock into the wet and warm mouth waiting for him, letting him hum around it and suck him down only about half way, Jo's rhythm erratic and unfocused while he was touching himself and Bucky only stroked at short hairs affectionately. He leaned back as much as he could to get a full view of the whole show, sweat glistening against lights and much more prominent as groans filled the emptiness of the room and the wet sounds that came with jerky hand movements and a sloppy blow job. 

“I could watch you all day like this, you know that don’t you Baby?”

Johnny made a small muffled grunt, cutting off his ongoing noises of pleasure to pull himself off abruptly. He dropped his head and shoulders back just seconds before muscles went taut and smooth over his entire body and Bucky’s name slipped away between darkened lips in the middle of a few _oh_ ’s, high and pitched. Thighs quaked as Jo came, shooting against his chest and along his thighs, some of it hitting the floor between them and against Bucky’s feet, dripping down white and thick against skin and along fingers as he was stroking himself through the aftershocks.

“ _God_..” Johnny mumbled out, eyes closed and in pure bliss, his body so boneless and satiated, hand slowing to gentle shallow strokes.

Bucky could only stare in awe, swallowing thickly until Jo’s eyes opened again and he smiled dreamily at him, trailing his gaze down at Bucky holding himself and he raised one slick crooked finger his way, gesturing for him to come a little closer.

“Wanna put it in my mouth, Buck? Lemmie get you down my throat one last time..”

Shaking his head, Bucky smiled, reaching out to cup his face as he moved forward just a little, just enough to push his cock in, thick and heavy, to the opened eager mouth before him and Johnny took him in, allowing his mouth to go slack.

He tipped his head back enough so that Bucky could slide himself in deeper, down his throat all the while grimacing over how tight he was right there, feeling Johnny swallow around him, docile and letting himself be used. Bucky caressed his face with both hands, gentle and affectionate with him as he thrust in gingerly, still careful even if his friend wasn’t new with this. Jo breathed in deeply through his nose, Bucky looking for any signs of tension or discomfort but only found him to be happy where he was, entirely submissive and pleased, eyes closing again and face completely at peace.

“You’re absolutely beautiful, Jesus Jo..”

He took a few more shallow tries before he was thrusting deeper, awestruck at where he could see the movement of his cock down his friend’s throat, grinding into Johnny’s face as they met with a synchronized rhythm together. A hand gripped thigh as Storm buried his nose into Bucky’s pelvis any moment he could all the while drunkenly humming and moaning for more.

Bucky watched as he took his time, it wouldn’t be too long now like this after all that happened but he savored and loved Jo for being everything he needed in life for a long time when he was so lost. He was so damn lucky, especially like this back when he was younger lost and confused about his own self and Jo was there to lead the way and help him understand.

His fingers ran down Johnny’s cheek, his breathing coming out in partial groans, mouth so hot and wet and _so good_ , trailing his hand down along his neck and he could feel the movements under muscle and heated skin. It only took barely a couple more deep thrusts before he was pulling out as carefully as he could as he held Jo still, panting out between words.

“I'm gonna..”

“Do it.” Johnny let out, keeping his head slightly tilted back, mouth opened wide. 

Bucky’s face flushed, left hand holding the side of his friend’s face, thumb adding a slight pressure to his bottom jaw as his entire body tightened up and he jerked himself off with his other hand. Words failed and he only let out a broken moan cumming all over Johnny’s face not able to get over how good it looked especially when he was taking it as eagerly as he always did.

“Holy shit, holy shit..” Bucky tried to breathe, stomach cramping up as he milked himself with his back hitting the wall in a mindless stumble, “Oh my God Jo..” 

His eyes had been closed tight as he tried to calm the racing of his heart almost jumping when Jo’s mouth was on him again, just to lick every last bit off. Bucky looked to see the sight he had left at, Johnny’s plush lips coming off the head of his cock with a wet pop and a filthy grin, face still covered in cum and leaving Bucky a little agape.

“Oh damn Buck, you’re so good to me.” Johnny mumbled out, tongue peeking out as he licked cum off his upper lip like a cat, fingers pushing around remnants of it on his cheek and at his chin and sucking away obscenely at his digits without a care in the world.

Laughing incredulously, Bucky could only stare at him in a stupor, his heart still beating in his ears. He felt himself slip down to the floor and sit there dumbly, Johnny reaching half blindly for one of their shirts before cleaning around his eyes and brows. It was then that Bucky finally started to move, tugging the material into his hands as he bunched it together and pulled Johnny over so he was knelt between his legs, carefully wiping away the bits he missed and pulling him in for a kiss.

“I love you. I _really_ fucking love you. I won’t,” Bucky swallowed, weightless and elated but so full of emotions, “I won’t ever let you down. Ever. You’ve never done it to me and I owe you the world..”

Jo smiled at him, “My knees really fucking hurt,” He shifted to sit on his ass, pulling and draping Bucky’s legs loose around his waist so he could hold him close. “And you don’t owe me anything, all I’ve ever wanted was for you to find your way Buck. Plus I’m always going to love you, you’re too adorable not to. I’m always going to be here for you whenever you want me to be.”

Bucky’s features muddled a bit, eyes growing sad and Johnny made a small noise of protest, cupping cheeks and shushing him as he pulled him close, foreheads sweaty and pressed together, “Don’t. You knew this wasn’t going to be us, Steve’s your guy. He always was. I was just keeping his seat warm.”

Smiling at him, Bucky brought his legs in and pulled himself onto his feet, helping Johnny up to his before directing him to the bed and pushing him to lay out. He walked off to the bathroom, coming back with a warm water soaked cloth and a wash basin that was usually only left as a decorative item in the bathroom. Not today though, Bucky taking his sweet time to ignore Johnny’s actions to sit up or protest before finally letting him do as he pleased and he ran the cloth carefully along his face and down his neck, a towel draped against the crook of his elbow and patting him down. 

Johnny sighed in fondness, reaching over to steal a joint sitting on top of a small tray, resting the ashtray near his side and lighting it while Bucky moved down his chest in smooth casual strokes and down his sides. He paid extra attention as he swept his hand down Johnny’s stomach past his navel and cleaned him down between his legs, glancing up only when Johnny made a small grunt of a noise, choking out the smoke he was trying to keep in. 

“Mind the goods.”

Bucky fought to hold back a smile, “Sorry.”

“..You know, I only started to talk to you because of Steve.”

Furrowing his brows in confusion, Bucky looked at him, “What?”

Johnny shrugged, “At the party we started chatting at, I saw the way you looked at him, but you weren’t approaching him. I know how everyone was looking at him that wanted him, they all had the same look. I saw it on you that night, watching him getting drunk with his buddies before you took off to sit. I decided to go dancing and saw you after and you looked kind of..I don’t know. Not down but in your head. So I figured since we sort of know each other through our moms I should talk to you, get to know you. Where else would we? We never did when our moms were together and we went to different schools. I was pretty sure you didn’t hit the party scene at that point too much either so I took my chance. I’m glad I did.”

Bucky blushed, “You..surprised me. You were so kind and easy going, I just heard rumors and got this different impression of you.”

“What? That I was stupid and someone that was always drunk ready for a good time?”

“..Yeah, which you were a little drunk but not that much and you were a lot more than I thought even if you did that thing..” Bucky twirled his finger in the air and laughed a little.

“You can say out loud that I gave you a blow job, it’s okay.”

Laughing, Bucky shook his head, “I was trying to avoid the ‘I heard you were a slut but it’s nice to know you weren’t just that but thanks for the bj’ point in our conversation. It wasn’t helping.”

“ _Oh_ well it helped me. I started remembering what you liked, felt like I should.”

Bucky covered his face, embarrassed, “I don’t know _how_. I was what? Fifteen? I practically came the moment you put your mouth on me, I’m not used to that sort of action okay?”

Grinning at him, Jo shrugged, looking a little proud, “I’ve had practice.” 

“Yeah, no shit.” Bucky shot back, reaching over for the joint after throwing the cloth into the water and setting the basin down on the floor. 

He laid out beside Johnny, pressed close and tight to warm skin taking a slow drag, watching as thick smoke wafted out from between his lips, eventually blowing out the rest into the space above him as he shrugged one shoulder absently. “More and more I’ve been thinking about Steve and all that mess with the picture.”

“And?” 

Because Johnny knew there was more to it.

“ _And_.” Bucky gazed at him, reaching over to lightly brush the back of his index finger against the stubble collecting across Storm’s jaw, “I think maybe I should seriously consider the restraining order stuff my dad was offering.” 

“Maybe it’s a good idea, protect yourself and Steve.” 

At the mention of Steve’s name again, Bucky made a small face, “And you’re okay with everything?”

Johnny raised his head, rolling to his side to bring his arm around Bucky’s waist and pull him close, “Yeah, I am. I want you two to get together. All that guy wants to do is to give you the world and if he can’t afford it, he’ll go and get it with his own two hands. I know you want to work stuff out, I know you’re scared he might end up doing some thing with Tony like you and I have and that crap won’t cut it for you. It’s a good idea to stop us too. We’re still gonna be friends, you’re still gonna be hearing about all the sex I’ll be getting and how good your ass looks. I promise.”

Bucky stared at him, tilting his head away to blow some more smoke away before he handed it over to Jo and smiled, leaning in to kiss him, “I hope you’re always going to be with me Jojo. I’ve kinda gotten really attached to you.”

Johnny smiled at him fondly, “I love you too. I was always here, just waiting for you to keep me around.”

“Aw, don’t make me feel awful.” He reached out and hugged his friend’s neck.

“I’m not! Just saying, whenever you want me, I’m around.”

“Always want you. Even when I acted like I didn’t. I did. I promise.”

Tilting his head, Johnny smiled at him, “I know you did but now you gotta go after Steve, make him yours.” 

“You know one day Storm, one day someone’s gonna sweep you off your feet and you’re not gonna know what to do and I’ll be there for you and help you put a ring on it.”

“Oh man, unlikely but thanks for the vote of confidence.”

Bucky laughed, pulling him close to give him another kiss before he spoke against his lips, “Shush, it’s nap time now.”

Raising a brow, Jo tilted his head, “Oh yeah? What’s after that?”

“All depends on if you’re good.”

“Oh I can be good, you definitely know how good I can really be Barnes.”

Bucky giggled against Johnny's cheek, turning his head to nuzzle their noses together, "Shut up."

*****

Steve wasn’t sure where he was going. Somewhere between breakfast with Sam and the antiques store he had stepped out of, his phone had decided to die. He realized he must have forgotten to plug it in overnight after saying goodnight to Bucky and in the morning he was using it to check messages and send texts.

It was also at that point where he decided he wouldn’t go to Sunday dinner tonight. And despite the contact he and Bucky had between them, he was hit with the sensation of feeling so very miserable, the phone compounding it as he dropped plans for groceries to go back home. He knew it was a useless panic overtaking him and yet he didn’t much care how it looked. 

He caved at about two in the afternoon, a couple of beers in and one sitting between his feet as he leaned against the wall with the phone charging and his knees up. He palmed a hand roughly through his hair, disconnecting the cord to hold his cell to his ear and listen to the first two rings until a sweet relief overcame him and Bucky answered the call with his name on his lips.

Closing his eyes, Steve smiled tiredly, “Hey..am I interrupting anything?”

“No, I just got home about half an hour ago from dinner with Svetlana, I won’t be surprised to see my face in some German gossip columns from that. My eyes hurt from random flashes. Can’t a guy go out for a simple dinner with a girl without it looking like we’re fucking and about to marry each other?”

“Well,” Steve glanced off, “She _is_ technically your ‘ex-girlfriend’ to them.”

“..Oh fuck you’re right, I kind of just drive past memories of Germany. Well anyway, she said she misses you, wish you’d have come over with us.”

Dropping his head forward as he chuckled lightly, Steve nodded, “I miss talking to her, maybe next time you go I could hitch a ride.”

“That would be nice.”

Steve could easily picture Bucky smiling, maybe nibbling at his lower lip like he did sometimes. He wasn’t sure if Bucky was standing or sitting but he pictured him sitting on a nice comfortable couch and reclining on it with his head back and his feet propped up.

“..Are you okay Stevie?”

He froze slightly, “Do I not sound okay?”

“Well..you usually text before you call. You sound a little down too, are you unhappy?” 

Not really thinking things through, Steve suddenly broke down, most of his choked back sadness kept in silence just before he inhaled wetly and he heard Bucky exhale in surprise.

“Steve? Are you crying? Please don’t cry.”

Bucky’s voice sounded so sad and it made Steve feel like shit he was doing that to him. Wiping his tears quickly, he was shaking his head as he tried to wave it off. Sam had warned him not to say anything and here he was crying because Bucky was gone for a few days. He was such a miserable excuse, he had to get his emotions pulled together, “It’s nothing, sorry it’s really not a big deal. I just feel terrible for some reason.”

“Why Steve?” Bucky hesitated, words careful, “Something happen?”

Brushing the side of his knuckle across his eyes to get stray tears, Steve didn’t want to elaborate but he also didn’t want to keep things from Bucky, “I just, I miss you Buck. I miss you a lot, it hurts and I’m miserable..God, I need to stop talking right now.”

“..Oh Stevie, you don’t have to be sad. I’ll be home soon, alright? We worked stuff out enough where we can see each other once I get back. Don’t be sad.”

“I don’t know what’s gotten into me..” He really didn’t. He’d never been this way with Tony, ever. He may have made comments about how long they had been apart, he may have called when he missed him but not like this. He never called blubbering to him over the phone while he was out of the country somewhere overseas for a few nights and yet before he and Bucky were anything romantic he couldn’t stop the tears. He could have easily blamed his fears on it, his attachment issues but this was more than that and he just wasn’t sure what to do without alienating Bucky over it.

“Is there a way I can make you feel better?”

Steve leaned his back up against the wall again, Bucky so hopeful, and kind. All he wanted was to take away the sadness and Steve was so overwhelmed with how deeply affected he was by Bucky just being himself.

“I’ll be okay, really. It’s fine, I think I’m just..it’s been a really long few days for me. Actually, the past month has been a bit to deal with considering my art being put out for everyone and dealing with that as a new venture and getting mentioned here and there plus Tony and the mess after that. It’s a lot to deal with when..when..”

“..When everything was so much more saner before I came into your life, you mean?”

Steve tilted his head a little against the phone, the corner of his mouth going up, “I do have to admit, my life was a little passive before you came around but it’s nothing I can’t handle.” 

“Are you sure? You were just crying.” Bucky teased out.

Chuckling a little, Steve rolled his eyes, “I was. I just..miss you a lot. It just hit me like someone came outta nowhere and punched it into me.”

“Is there anything I can do to help?”

He hesitated, “Would you..mind talking about your day?”

“Of course not, from the start?”

A weight settled in Steve’s chest, “Yeah, from the start.”

It was the sound of Bucky’s voice that really made everything better for Steve he realized while he was listening to Bucky go on about his phone being a temperamental alarm and how he didn’t want to wake up this morning. All he wanted was for him to ramble on and on about anything.

“..And then I was trying to walk to the bathroom and my shoulder was hurting. You know why? Because somehow I had a huge bruise on it, I must have walked into a corner or something. Yuri had brought up an itinerary for the morning since I have to get up early, which reminds me I probably won’t get to talk too much before I leave so don’t be surprised if the only thing I say is I’m coming home. My flight stuff is the same so maybe we can hang out or something later..”

He trailed off and Steve smiled, “I’d love to, whenever you feel up for it.”

“Great, I gotta talk to Brock first though but anyway afterwards, I was set free so Johnny, Svetlana and I went shopping..well semi free, there was some big scary German bodyguard with us because mother insisted but he kept out of our hair and stood near the door every time we were inside looking at something.” 

“Hey at least she wants you to have some sort of protection, you could easily go from nothing to suddenly something you don’t want. It’s good as a precaution.”

Bucky laughed gently, “Aw you’re cute and yeah maybe but I’m pretty sure it was to keep us out of trouble. We _are_ talking about my mother here.”

Drawing in a light sigh, Steve made a sound of agreement because he was trying to go for positives but he wasn’t stupid about Winifred’s ulterior motives.

“..Eventually we ducked into a coffee shop and one the the baristas there made foam art in my latte of a duckling and I didn’t even expect it. It was the cutest thing Stevie, that was the picture I sent you earlier. You know how usually people make hearts or leaves or just do some nice wavy design and it’s just something nice to look at? This was a cute little baby duckling and I didn’t want to ruin it.”

Steve smiled wider listening to how happy he sounded over it and his delight only became much more adorable when Bucky sounded even more excited about seeing a dog outside the doors. 

“Its owner was coming inside to grab a drink when we were stepping out and she said he was friendly because what musta seen my face. I’m sure it was some kind of Chow mix, fur all poofed out and a bright orange type of color. It had a purple tongue that was hanging out and when I stepped close to say hi he licked my hand and I thought it was the most sweetest dog I’d ever met, well aside from Nanook and Lucky of course.” 

“Of course.” Steve agreed with a hint of amusement.

“And I think I woulda just stayed there with the dog while the owner was inside but Svet was cold because it started snowing, so we lounged around at Jo’s penthouse until dinner. Me and Svet left to go out and eat while Jo went to work out because he’s weird and wasn’t all that hungry. They were planning to go dancing when we came back,” Bucky lowered his voice conspiratorially “You _know_ they’re gonna do it after. I’ve only been here since Friday night and her underwear was between two couch cushions in _my_ suite. My mother was in there! If she saw it she woulda flipped- well scratch that, she would have assumed I was having sex with her on the couch so she would have given me a trophy or something..maybe. I don’t know what she thinks half the time.”

Steve burst out laughing, “And what about you? The dancing I mean.”

“Me? Aw well I wanted to but I feel kind of like I need space, you know? I washed my face and changed into my most comfortable clothes for sleeping and climbed into bed. I was channel surfing when you called me.”

“Am I intruding?”

“Never really, I still have a couple hours left in me. I was contemplating a bubble bath or finding something to curl up and watch.”

Picking up his bottle, Steve finished it off in one go, “Mm, but then you won’t have anything to watch.”

“That’s where you’re wrong, there’s a television in there too.” 

Steve chuckled fondly, “Of course there is.”

“So, what are you going to do while I’m sleeping?”

“I was thinking about painting. I still have deadline work to do, someone emailed about a portrait last night and I should get back to them.”

“Hey that’s good. Honestly I think it’s a great idea, take the time for yourself in your own space. It’ll be nice to get back into what you love Stevie.”

Steve nodded, not wanting to speak up at the moment only because he wasn’t sure he might not spit something out over how in love with Bucky he really was. His finger lightly swiped at the water condensation collected at the middle of the bottle, staring at it as he rested it against his knee.

“Steve?”

“Yeah, I’m here..just thinking I guess.”

“About?”

“Nothing in general, just me..life..stuff. Think I needed to clear my head just sitting here on the floor talking. Sometimes I feel out of place, especially lately. Sorry, I probably sound depressing.”

“No, you don’t but, have you been drinking?”

Steve wasn’t sure if he had a way when he drank or if Bucky was just making a joke that was actually true this time around, he definitely wasn’t drunk. Either way, he had to shake his head about it, “Only three beers.”

“Oh look at you. Drinking while I’m away, you barely drink when I’m with you what’s that about?”

There was no way Steve was going to point out _why_ , he knew Bucky had a mild clue about it rolling his eyes instead, “I don’t know. I get bored, and that other night- ”

“ -When I sent you softcore porn, once again I’m so sorry about that.”

He smiled, “I told you that it wasn’t a big deal, the heart emoji didn’t tell you that? It’s what it’s there for. I mean if you like I could drink some more and send you something back if you want?”

Laughing, Bucky sighed loudly at him when he calmed, “You’d have to send me at least three to kind of even out my pics.”

“Yeah but I never really look at pictures I know aren’t for me. The one on Saturday morning you sent to me though, that was for me this time so I’m guilty of looking at that one and that one only.”

“Are we really negotiating slutty pictures right now?”

Not able to stop himself from laughing, Steve couldn’t help it, cracking up and feeling his face burning red while his free hand pressed hard into his left pec trying to hold onto _something_. “I think we are!”

“Amazing,” Bucky wondered out thoughtfully, “We’re at an all time low.”

Steve grinned, stretching out his legs, “I dunno Buck, seems like a win-win situation to me but who am I to judge?” 

“You just want an excuse to send me something slutty.”

“Do I need an excuse?”

“I..” Bucky paused, “I guess not. Apparently you know my appreciation for your chest and butt anyway thank you very much Johnny.”

Shrugging a little, Steve scratched at his beard, “We both have an affinity for great butts.”

“Are you sure you’re not drunk Stevie? You’re not usually this open.”

“I’m very sure I’m not that drunk, you know when I am and..well I guess I like being a little more honest with you.”

“..This isn’t where you tell me you’re a werewolf or vampire or something supernatural, do you?”

“No!” Steve started before pausing, “..Wait, what did you hear about me?”

“Steve..don’t joke, I watched this scary vampire movie on the plane..”

“I’m kidding, maybe. Anyway, time to change subjects.”

“What an actual person hiding their supernatural self would say!”

Steve grinned, “No, you’re one of my best friends, I’d tell you if I was and I’m not. So what blood type are you?”

“I’m officially rescinding all my invitations into my home..”

“You know that doesn’t work on me, I mean vampires, right?”

Bucky whimpered, “I don’t like you right now.”

“Aw, didn't you like your torte though?” A smile playing across Steve’s lips.

There was a small delay then a noise of realization, “You bought me that torte? Steve, you know that’s a..” 

Grinning, Steve nodded, almost too proud of himself, “Pretty much a seventy five dollar dessert with the shipping? Yes, I’m well aware. I could afford it.”

“ _Steve_.”

“ _Bucky_.” Steve mimicking his voice childishly.

“You shouldn’t have bought that, it’s so expensive!”

“Did it make you happy?” He could already feel Bucky pouting across their phone call.

“That’s not the point.” Bucky retorted in annoyance, voice low and insolent.

Steve could only grin wider.

*****

Getting off the call a couple hours later seemed like something neither of them wanted to do from what Bucky was reading off the situation even though he had been wrong numerous times before but still, it was nice. The start was a little rocky at first, he was so worried about Steve feeling upset but everything bounced back quickly and he wasn’t entirely sure they were flirting. He had a few moments in his life that were more timid than their conversations and he knew it was a person flirting with him. With Steve though, he wasn’t sure, everything was complicated when he was trying to understand his friend’s thought process or read him because he was too involved with him already. There was less pressure when Clint would give him marksman challenges during their outings to range shoot than when he would try to decipher Steve’s dialogue. Maybe he was thinking too much, maybe not enough, he couldn’t even figure that out.

Bucky spent half of his night thinking about Steve and how he was so upset he started crying over the call. Crying because he missed him and Bucky felt so overwhelmed and touched by it. He didn’t know how to take it, a little of himself allowing that maybe Steve felt something more with him than maybe he thought. He ended up thinking about that over and over again, turning it over in his mind while he was laid out in bed. What if Steve cared about him just as much? He never dwelled too long on those thoughts, not wanting to get his hopes up but he sent a text to Jack, not sure he could trust his voice to speak properly on the phone. He asked Jack why he didn’t think about Brock too much like he had admitted to him before and after a few minutes Jack wrote back that it was because he didn’t want to hurt. 

The response was depressing, pressing a frown into his features but Jack was right, Bucky felt the same way about letting his mind wander about Steve. It hurt and he didn’t want to set himself up for pain especially when it came to him even though he was already collecting a mess of it and he was sure the picture thing was somehow related to Grant and to an extent to Robert Pierce. Right now though, the call left him too confused over Steve’s initial reasoning for getting a hold of him and yeah probably there were other events that could help him in what he should think but he felt like he wasn’t bothering on fitting everything together properly as much as he could have been. 

Steve genuinely sounded like he was in a deep physical pain over his absence and it was different because before when he was gone for a month, they were okay. They were a little down, a little sad, a little of everything else in between but they were _okay_. This time though, Steve was not okay even with the knowledge that the trip was much much shorter, and Bucky felt he himself wasn’t too anxious aside from his panic attack yesterday. He would be leaving tonight after a few meetings, reports and penning his name on some documents. He would see Steve when he got back, there was no reason for him to call and get upset over the line like he did, it left Bucky a little speechless and he wondered if Steve felt like that all the time. Did he cry any other time he was gone? Did he get that sad when he was just at Natasha’s? Did that mean that he was telling the truth when he hit his head?

Since he didn’t know what to do but loop back over and over again to the same questions he called the one person that may have similar thoughts to his, he finally decided to actually talk to Jack.

“Buck? You alright?”

“Does Steve..” He winced a little, not sure how to exactly lay it out, “Does Steve have feelings for me?”

There was a long pause, too long and then low whispering before it sounded like Jack was shuffling off somewhere until the sliding door slid open to the deck and he knew that weird creak in it like the back of his hand, Brock’s deck.

“Kiddo,” He drew in a sigh, lighting a cigarette, “You know I can’t say whether he does or not..”

That answer only made Bucky nervous, “So he might? Or does? You wouldn’t say that if he didn’t, you would never lead me on Jack..”

“What’s going on Buck? Why are you suddenly asking me? What did he say?”

Mulling it over, Bucky shrugged to himself, “He called me like it was normal but, I could hear something was wrong in his voice and I asked him. Then he got upset. He was unhappy, he said he missed me but he knows I’m coming home..that I’ll be there Monday evening. He knows that but he was crying over the line and it sounded really heartbreaking. We got off the phone after a couple hours of just talking about anything like we do and now it’s got my mind thinking in overdrive about it.”

“You know he cares about you a lot Buck..”

“I know but you care about me too Jack. You all care about me, you all love me. I know that but you know how I feel about him.”

“Buck,” Jack sounded exasperated, exhaling cigarette smoke into the air, “Yeah, I know okay. I know. I- ”

Bucky brushed his fingers along the bed covers, sorting words around in his mind, “Jack, you once said ‘All I know is that lunatic wouldn’t quit, he never quits when it’s for you.’. You were hinting, weren’t you?”

“Buck, this is a bad idea.”

“Why?” He could hear the rise in his voice, a little spoiled and whiny, internally cringing at it, “Why are my feelings in knowing the truth a bad idea?”

He sighed loudly, “Because if you even have a hint of something, you over think it, you over analyze. You _obsess_. You try to perfect yourself and no one needs that, you want to hit the correct solutions to things _they_ think are right and please them instead of being yourself. I know that’s built into you, your parents instilled that in you- ”

“ -Jack.”

“No Buck, I love you but no. He’s fond of you, you know he is and he wants you in his life for as long as he’s breathing. I don’t know if it’s love or if it’s deep but he _cares_ so much. He’ll take every ass beating Brock will shell out, just for you. If you want him, tell him. The worse thing that will happen is he doesn’t feel the same. The best thing is you’ll be with him. Either way he’s going to be one of your best friends, always.” 

Bucky chewed at his lip not sure if Jack was lying and hiding more than he was letting on or not. Generally he could tell but only because it wasn’t geared towards him. He was right though, about the adapting and pretending, he did it constantly because he was afraid of losing people. He kept trying to get out of it only to do it again. He did it with everyone he was in some sort of relationship with, he did it with Jo too at a time. It was why he let Dylan keep blatantly cheating on him in pure sight and he blamed himself because he felt like he was in the wrong..and _Alex_. So much of Alex was _wrong_ and Bucky ignored so many flags because he thought Alex really did adore him.

Bucky felt sad, lowering his voice and too scared to speak any louder, his throat tightening, “I don’t want him to break my heart Jack. I don’t know if I could take that.”

His eyes filled with tears, trying his best to blink them away, force them to leave. He didn’t want to cry over Steve any longer, he just wanted Steve to love him and be there always.

The line was quiet for a long while, Jack there silently smoking his cigarette most likely thinking before he wanted to speak. Bucky curled himself tighter under the covers wondering if he should ask Johnny to come keep him company but he was trying to act like a damn adult for once and he wasn’t sure it was working as well as he had hoped.

“Buck, I’m going to say something but understand me, it’s not the answer you want. You want the quick fix, the cheat sheet to this, you don’t need it because you have yourself. Listen to your instincts, if you don’t want to talk to him and tell him the truth, you aren’t ready. You have to be set to do it, to proceed to whatever the next thing is. Maybe Steve will do that by himself if he wants to, I don’t know but Sloneczko..there’s no easy way. Like me and Brock, I know we’re close and I’ve gotten to a point where I mostly understand our friendship is strong enough to withstand me telling him, that I think I could probably admit how I feel and we can work it out but am I ready to tell him though? Fuck no, I’m not and it’s all I can do..”

Bucky swallowed, gripping the cellphone tighter to his ear, too nervous to say anything. 

“..You knowing if Steve looks at you as a best friend, as a lover, as a boyfriend, or even as a husband..it won’t change _your_ thoughts of if you’re ready. It’ll only perplex things, you’ll only be who you think he wants you to be and that isn’t what he really wants. He wants you to be you because Buck,” Jack inhaled lowly before exhaling heavily, “He loves you. This isn’t a maybe, I know he loves you but it’s like how we love you. I know that, I see it. Could there be more, yeah maybe but I don’t know. If a man like that is going to fight the world for you, there’s love in there somewhere and he’s never scared to hide it. Do you understand?” 

“He loves me?” 

Jack hesitated, “At least like Brock loves you, like Nat and Clint, like I do, like Imogen. He loves you that much.”

It was much harder to take in any level of love that Bucky didn’t even consider how heavy it was going to feel when he was told that much. Maybe he wasn’t really ready as he thought, “He does?”

“He does.” His voice patient and calm, “I know it’s different, I know enough of how your head works to know it’s foreign when it’s not us, this is overwhelming I know. But he does. I promise. You should really talk to him.”

Bucky had no plans to talk to him now, not right now while he was trying to absorb even a friendship kind of love because he knew Steve cared but Jack would never tell him about love if he didn’t believe it himself. Jack only loved unconditionally and it never wavered. It was clear who they were and on a very short list, Bucky had no reason to doubt him.

He chewed at his lip until it was bleeding a little and stung, running his tongue along the inflamed area absently, “Jack..?”

“Yes?”

“You should talk to Brock.”

“As you’ve mentioned before..”

“No. Listen to me. He’s waiting for you, he’s always been waiting for you. It’s why he’s always been casual and had always made space for you. It’s always been you.”

“Bucky, just because I said that about Steve doesn’t mean you need to give me something back..”

“ No, it’s not like that. I’m serious Jack. Let me prove it to you, okay? Valentines.”

Jack sighed, “Buck, no. You know I don’t do that shit..”

“This year you will, please. _Please_?”

“I’m not asking him on a date.”

“I promise, you won’t ask him on a date. Just be available.”

“Since I don’t do anything on Valentines, it won’t be too hard.” He paused, “I’m going to regret this, aren’t I?”

“No, and the fact that you’re willing to do this without a fight means you hope it turns out well too!”

“It's more like I don’t really have a choice about it.”

Rubbing his hands together, phone pressed between his shoulder and ear, Bucky chuckled evilly, “Exactly.”

*****

The morning for Bucky was almost terrible if it wasn't for the very welcoming wake up text Steve left him about an hour prior to him getting out of bed. It made everything much more harder when he opened their conversation just to find a picture of him wet and rough, fresh out of the shower covered in sporadic darkened bruises around his torso and only in a towel. Paired with his facial hair, his absolutely sinful muscles and the oddly way too serious look of concentration across his face as he was taking the selfie in the mirror, Bucky momentarily forgot to feel bad over Steve's pain because he was lost in how damn hot he looked. He was all in with 'high school sweetheart' Steve Rogers but lately his 'I can pick you up with one arm and you may end up calling me daddy in bed' Steve was starting to become too real. Bucky furiously blushed, texted back to casually ask if he was changing vocations with a wink emoji..and then stayed in the shower for longer than he had planned.

Besides that he spent the rest of it attending boring meetings his mother was supposed to be at but insisted he be there too at her side, since she made it a point to remind him that he already knew how these went so they should be refreshers for him. She pressed that it would make it easier to attend on a more regular basis here and back home as time went by and he would smoothly begin to follow the on-goings of the family business so that he could take over when the time came.

Not that Bucky voiced any interest since the last time his father was talking about it, but his mother didn’t accept his half truths and trying to edge out of it. In her mind he _would_ accept his apparently rightful place integrating himself into the business whenever he wanted to, then when one of his parents retired he would take their position and that was all that mattered to her. Well aside from a very specific vision that his wedding and married life would only consist of a woman by his side, but then again, one problem at a time.

It was those times that he was envious of Johnny and his parents. They didn’t pressure him into things, he had ventures and investments Bucky couldn’t even begin to understand and Johnny got to be himself. While for him, Bucky had a feeling his mother was going to be putting in more attempts to get him to attend to business here and it made his stomach drop at the mere thought of it, life shifting from something he was finding content, maybe delving in thoughts over some side projects he was curious about to board meetings in another country that he didn't even want to deal with. 

Back a few years ago he would have considered finding a small place in Europe, an apartment with old world architecture he could call his own; go back and forth from there to the States but now he didn’t want it anymore. Sure he wouldn’t mind going to some places and lingering for a month or two to take in the culture and sights but right now his heart was in New York and it made Bucky feel so silly. He just liked it there, he could go where he pleased without people paying attention to him because there were other more famous people than just some guy who inherited into the fancy life. It was so full of different ethnicities and cultures that when he missed a country he had been to, it wasn’t very hard to find some little morsel of itself out there, he just had to know how. 

Plus the main thing was that everyone was there, not just Steve, everyone he cared for was in one place or could travel there without it being a huge issue, even Svetlana could. He even realized with that thought, as he packed the last of his clothes into his suitcase, that there was also one person who was set to arrive in approximately seven months to live there too and he definitely couldn’t leave anymore because of them either.

*****

The plane landed and Bucky was trying to shake his brain out of the grogginess he had placed himself into from going in and out of sleep throughout most of the flight. They packed up, mainly focused on moving towards getting through customs as quickly as possible. A hot bath was calling Bucky and he wondered if he could postpone seeing Brock until tomorrow knowing he wanted to meet up as soon as he was back but he wasn't sure if he should go out for a few hours or relax at Nat's. He let the idea sit as his passport was checked and his bags were scanned through, his phone chiming as he walked along the near empty private corridor with Johnny at one side and his mother at the other heading for the front pick up and drop off area.

Bucky almost stopped in his tracks, footsteps almost fumbling over themselves while Jo took the chance to peek at the text. Their eyes met and he couldn’t help smiling, face pinking too much to stop himself. When they got outside, Bucky was much too eager, stopping just to look around towards the brightly lit parkade across the traffic road when he suddenly spied him.

Winifred stood by staring in wonderment to Bucky’s sudden excitement, ear pressed to her phone as she called for an ETA on their driver’s arrival.

“What is he doing?” She asked Johnny when Bucky was edging away from them. 

Jo shrugged, smiling from ear to ear, “Someone came to surprise your little bundle of joy.”

Not knowing how to really take that, she followed Bucky’s gaze, soon enough spying Steve with his hands shoved into his pockets nervously just waiting across the way like some awkward schoolboy.

Bucky barely heard a touching ‘Aw’ behind him and ‘It’s like we’re on the set of some love story’ from most likely Jo though the blood was pounding in his ears and it could have been anyone nearby watching them at that point, dropping his backpack and he couldn’t help himself but start _running_ because it had been over three days and Steve was his sunshine. 

He cut through oncoming cars in the arrivals lane, a female crossing guard hastily waving cars to stop before she really had the chance to do anything else as Bucky pounded the pavement in his sneakers and bounded away from the waiting area. Steve’s face had changed to horror as he watched frozen in his shoes until Bucky safely crossed and arms caught him, his body colliding with a solid awaiting frame.

“Dammit, don’t run through traffic for me ever again, alright? Giving me a heart attack already.”

Bucky smiled, wide and happy, tucking his face into the crook of Steve’s neck as he slipped his arms away from his hands, grasping handfuls of the front of Steve’s wool coat and taking in the scent of fresh coffee and worn wood. “You came.”

“I was trying to surprise you, but then I realized I would kind of have to tell you I’m here before you took off and I missed your arrival.” He mumbled out, softly curving his face against hair.

“You’re here.”

“Yes?” Steve paused, “Is that..okay?”

Bucky drew his head back, taking a look at Steve, brows up in question and he nodded excitedly, “Yes, very okay! I’m just surprised and- ” He felt elated and breathless. He wanted to lean in and kiss him. He didn’t though, his mother was probably watching the whole thing so far, that was bad enough but it was _Steve_ and-

Bucky grinned wider, “I’m happy.”

Steve’s considerably contemplative look melted into a pleased grin, “I see that, it looks good on you and I’m happy you’re happy.”

Leaning in, Steve pressed a kiss square against Bucky’s forehead, Bucky's eyes immediately closing to the touch of moist lips pressing firmly to his skin.

“Missed you.” Steve murmured lowly, drawing back just to stare at Bucky’s face, “Was that okay?”

Fond, Bucky smiled, lost in a dream of stars and fireworks. He reached up, dragging his fingers through course beard hair and Steve let out a short surprised laugh.

“Yeah, I kept it.”

“Hm yeah, I had an idea when you sent me morning porn..and your hair's getting a little longer, not so cookie cutter and good boy.”

Raising a brow curiously, Steve smiled a bit more, “It wasn't morning porn, just after our conversation when I called you.." He grinned with a shrug, "And I thought you liked my cookie cutter good boy looks. Now I look like I’m slowly becoming a hobo.”

Bucky burst out laughing, “I like either. I like Steve. If he wants to be a clean shaven nice guy or a trash hobo I’m completely behind whichever one he likes.”

“Yeah but you like trash hobo a lot more than you like good neighbor cookie cutter good boy.”

Crinkling his nose, humor in his eyes, Bucky lightly brushed his fingers along Steve’s jaw, “Yeah well if you want a con for it, it does tickle.”

Biting his lip a moment, Steve pretended to think, “I think that’s a pro for me.”

Bucky wasn’t sure what this all was, and he certainly didn’t care despite the very obvious wrath that he would receive from his mother. He just felt such _relief_ , cupping Steve’s face to look at him because he hadn’t in a long while, to really look, cuts and bruises healing away quietly and Steve only stared at him with the bluest eyes and pure honestly. He moved in to hug his neck again, arms closing around his waist at the same time and he was sure Steve didn’t mind much either way of whatever Bucky needed and he appreciated that right now. 

“She’s coming over here.” Steve whispered softly in his ear. 

Opening his eyes, Bucky swallowed thickly, worry crossing them a split moment before it was gone and that faux expression of placidity came over him as he turned, smiling wide.

Winifred kept her eyes locked past Bucky, eyeing Steve enough so that it seemed to look like that of an expression of a wary parent even though Steve knew better. He thought George was someone he had to watch himself around, he felt more sure now that it was Winifred who could do the most damage if she so chose to. He watched her slip a hand out from her supple soft leather glove, holding it out for him.

“Good to see you again, Steven.”

Steve smiled politely, taking her hand as he did before, bowing his head before looking up at her again. He knew he wasn’t required for such manners because he was very sure Bucky’s mother could care less how he would greet her knowing she was always going too look down at him just out of Bucky’s feelings for him alone, “Ma’am.”

Johnny was texting behind her, looking past to Bucky, holding his phone out before her, “Driver’s here Winnie, gotta go.”

She looked at him with mild contempt, watching him gesture to the man wheeling their luggage before he looked back at her and flashed her a grin, “I know you hate it but we have to leave.”

Winifred looked back at Bucky and Steve like she hadn’t planned on finished their meeting so early because she had a thing or two to say but Bucky only smiled and Steve sighed internally in relief for Storm’s push to keep her distracted. 

Finally she relented but not before turning to Bucky, “James, you need to come to the house tomorrow for dinner, I’ll tell Imogen to set you a plate.”

Bucky’s mouth fell open, his face immediately falling and ready to protest, “But- ”

“ _Tomorrow_ night James, I expect you to be there.”

Shoulders slumping, Bucky nodded in defeat, “Yes, okay. Tomorrow.”

Johnny unshouldered and handed him his backpack, flashing a smile, “I’ll drop your suitcase off for you over there.”

Nodding, Bucky smiled at him, “Thanks Jojo, I owe you.”

“I think you owe me a few times,” He lowered his voice, “Especially when I’m stuck in the car with _her_.”

Bucky laughed, leaning in to plant a kiss on his cheek, “I know.”

Chuckling, Jo turned to Steve, “Watch this guy. He’s a handful.” 

“ _You’re_ a handful.” Bucky countered.

“Actually if you wanna talk about more than a handful or mouthful, your dic- ” Johnny started before Bucky shoved him away, “Stop right there. I’ll call you later.” 

“You better! Bye Steve.” 

The blond waved as they both watched him head back towards the loading area, bags already put away into the trunk of a sleek black town car.

Steve waited until the car was off and away before he cleared his throat to get Bucky’s attention, “Can I take you somewhere?”

A slow smile spread across Bucky’s lips as he turned back to Steve, “Surprise me.”

Steve headed towards his bike, holding his hand out and like it was natural only smiling wider when it was taken, “Well, if you’re hungry. I’ve always wanted to try this certain Thai place out..”

*****

It was how they ended up without their shoes on, sitting on thick padded cushions on the floor across from each other in front of a low wood table with various dishes on it. Bucky was thick into a bowl of Pad Thai while Steve was working on the spice level of his Basil Beef, sweat running down the side of his head. The dining space was a small intimate room with a curtain covering up the place for the door and high deep wood paneled walls held paintings of places in Thailand and of course of Buddha.

“Take a break Stevie, don’t need to eat all of the beef immediately.” Bucky let out, setting his chopsticks down to divvy up some rice from a large dish and place it in one of the smaller plates where Steve had some food in it already. “Indian food laws work here, drown it in rice if you wanna keep eating, let it cool a little though or it will aggravate your mouth, sip the milk the server brought you.”

Steve dabbed at his forehead with his cloth napkin, surprised at how amateur he was acting especially when he was telling Sam to calm down the other time. He drank some of his milk, taking a mouthful of clean rice to relieve some of the heat in his mouth.

Bucky giggled a little, watching him, “You’re such a dork. Next time any sort of Asian place asks if you want spicy don’t act like a macho chauvinist and say the highest or you’re gonna end up shitting fire.”

Rolling his eyes, Steve ate another mouthful of rice, pocketing it at the side of his inside cheek to talk back, “I wasn’t trying to be! I thought I could handle it.”

He only received the eye roll back at him, Bucky going back to his noodles and stretching his legs out, feet resting along Steve’s thigh. Steve opted for avoiding the beef for now and going back to the dumplings that had cooled tremendously from the time they ordered it, dipping it lightly in the sauce to the side that came with it letting himself relax against the wall, hand absently patting Bucky’s ankle.

After the late dinner they stepped out together in the cool damp air, Steve flipping his collar up and shoving hands into his woolen coat pockets, bouncing his shoulders lightly. It was only a quarter to ten, technically it wasn’t _too_ late and he wanted to still stay out, glancing over to his side where Bucky stood. His own hands sat in pockets after bundling up in his coat, he turned to look at him.

“What now Stevie?”

He shrugged in reply, looking down the sidewalk that was cleared, snow lightly falling over them and skies a dark grey, “Wanna go for a walk or go back?”

“Maybe a short walk would be nice, I like the cold but I don’t think my body appreciates that one time I was out here for too long and now it kind of makes a panic about it with my brain. Both of them conspire against me.”

Smirking along as they began their amble, Steve stepped in closer beside him, their arms pressed firm side by side and at least this way Bucky was receiving heat at least from one side. It was better than nothing.

They rounded the block and turned down another street before hitting about halfway when he saw the exact moment Bucky was caught up in something he was interested in. One of the storefront shops was lit up sitting in between two closed for the evening, bright cheery lighting inviting them in for a look and through the black framed window he could see shelves and shelves of books as well as a small service area for a cafe. Steve caught the way the light danced along gentle greys and that hopefulness to go look was too endearing, “Wanna go in, have a look around maybe?”

He was always curious at Bucky’s apprehension sometimes to go into places he wanted but seemed to be afraid of getting into trouble for it, it conflicted with his brash and open way to pull people along to other places where he didn’t care if they wanted to go inside or not, usually he was so excited they had to follow. Steve caught the business hours on one of the panes of glass and tugged lightly at Bucky’s sleeve, “C’mon.”

Blinking a few times, Bucky frowned, “But..”

“They’re open until midnight, we have time to look around. Maybe have a coffee too while we’re here.” 

It was instantaneously addictive when Bucky beamed, smiling so bright Steve swore it carried it’s own ability to be sunshine and he couldn’t help smile himself. They both stepped into the small quaint little space with about six tables at the side, walls covered with shelves holding books all the way to the top and stacked to the gills. A donation area was set near them, a till at their opposite side and the food and drink service space to the back corner. There was a winding staircase to go up to mostly overlooking balcony space that had more shelves of books all along the walls, one long walk way that had a glass front for the store was designated with more places to sit, and a loft type area of space at the back was to keep book stacks and a tiny sitting space beside it with some high back armchairs available.

For a split moment it made Steve think about Bucky finding this place on his own one day and carrying his body weight in books to one of those leather chairs up top, curling himself in like a cat dressed in warm oversized sweaters and reading for hours until they were closing. Whatever he couldn’t read he would probably end up buying and taking home with him and Steve smiled. If he and Bucky moved in together he had to make a space for an office, or designate some sort of area for Bucky and his books. Half of Steve’s bookshelves were full of knickknacks and not reading material anyway, he had a feeling Bucky wouldn’t be the same way. Well he had already seen it.

They started upstairs first since all the tables downstairs were filled with students and customers already. Steve stopped when some art books caught his eye and Bucky only lingered a few seconds before he was pointing down, “I’m gonna go look and see if there’s anything interesting around those stacks.” 

Steve nodded, flipping through one of the books, “I’ll be here, or around here.”

Bucky had only been distracted a _little_ bit, coming back with maybe five or so books and thumbing through a sixth vaguely maneuvering around book piles along dark forest green padded carpeting and around to the side corner where Steve was, a large stack of books and its over spill in one armchair and Steve in the other. The small side table between them held two steaming cups of completely different coffees and two plates, one with a decadent slice of chocolate cake and another with a fruit bar of sorts that Bucky automatically crinkled his nose at.

“Come here.” Steve broke in. He put his hand out, not even turning to look at him, lost in pages of French art, holding the book away so his lap was free.

Bucky smiled a little, feeling his ears warm. He shuffled his books, taking Steve’s offered hand and sat down on him, gingerly resting his reading material between the table and the corner of the chair leg so no one accidentally hit them. The book he was partially reading stayed clutched to his chest as he leaned back and reached for the darker hot chocolate looking coffee taking a sip only to find he was right to guess the drink, the whipping cream that was practically all but melted away adding a rich creaminess to it. He hummed at the perfect sweetness while his eyes stared at one of the paintings Steve was looking over. 

“Good?”

Breath brushed against Bucky’s ear and he wasn’t sure he was imagining Steve’s lips just barely hitting him there, nodding hastily so he could avoid squirming, “Yes, thank you. The..fruit bar is for you. Right?”

Chuckling, Steve reached his arm around Bucky’s front to turn the page and carried on studying the new set, “Do you think I would even try to feed you a dessert that you wouldn’t even recognize as one?”

Bucky made a small satisfied noise, sipping his coffee while he took a few minutes to sit and look at the images with Steve before he went back to the book he had in his lap.

*****

Jet lag caught up quickly to Bucky when they finally headed out and back to the apartment. Steve watched him move slower, eyes beginning to go half closed and he lightly murmured his thoughts to himself as he wandered into the bedroom. Steve followed after him, retrieving a change of clothes and resting them in his hands just to make it a little easier.

“You get changed, I’m gonna go wash my face."

Only nodding in response, Steve left Bucky and returned a few minutes later changed finding him laid out along the edge of the bed like he had sat there for some time before he just fell over, limbs hanging off the edge with no care.

Bucky yawned sleepily, listening to Steve’s footsteps pad along the wood flooring. He felt the bed dip behind him and then a hand gripped at his thigh pulling him in closer to the middle of the bed where Steve was and Bucky just let him knowing he was too near the edge of it but was too sleepy to be bothered about it.

“You’re gonna toss and turn while you’re sleeping and fall off the bed if you stay like that.” Steve warned in a soft murmur.

Bucky knew it was too true and staying like that he might as well have fallen off the bed while awake because he knew it would have happened. Rolling over to face Steve, he folded his arms in between their chests, loose fists sitting against his throat as he snuggled in and tucked his head under Steve’s chin. Bucky wasn’t sure but maybe there was a soft kiss in his hair, he wasn’t entirely confident it happened but smiled anyway while Jack’s words drifted through his sleep laden thoughts and the hand that hooked his thigh in was gone. Blindly he searched for it and brought it to rest at his lower back, secure there as he shuffled in.

“I like you touching me, makes me feel safe.” 

It was easy and practiced to say, Bucky found, something that he knew Steve already was aware of but it was nice to admit out loud in the open between them. Steve’s other arm wiggled under Bucky’s side to complete the encircle around him and was cuddled in closer.

“I actually sleep a lot better when you’re here.” Steve admitted softly.

Bucky smiled against his throat, hugging him close, “Tell me a story Stevie, wanna hear your voice as I fall asleep..” 

He could hear himself; Honest, tired and a tiny bit loopy, but he wanted Steve to still hear him too, trying to use words even if he felt nervous releasing them. His hand absently slid up Steve’s shoulder, petting along his beard in quiet light strokes with the back of his fingers.

Bucky was out seconds into the rambling Steve pushed out as a story. He could tell the moment it happened, Bucky twisted in a half on his back, half on his side kind of position, his forehead resting on Steve's shoulder and it had suddenly become heavier, one hand finding itself tucked into Steve’s hair, thumb just behind his ear. Slowly Steve moved the arm under Bucky, trying not to disturb him but adjusting so Bucky's weight wasn't pinning it underneath his body and slowly numbing itself out, instead he curled it around the back of Bucky’s head in a loose hug and lightly played with strands of soft hair. He continued with the story, going off course much further as he watched Bucky sleeping, lips pink and parted a little, Steve so close their noses almost met and he felt his entire body tingle at the brush of breath cast against his chin. When he finished, Steve moved his hand from his hair and softly caressed the pads of his fingers against the edges of Bucky’s face as much as he could reach without pushing Bucky closer into his own face in case he suddenly woke up. 

Stirring a moment when he pressed in, Bucky bumped their noses together and fingers tightened into blond hair. Steve kept still a few minutes, slowly letting himself be pulled in by his urge to press his lips to Bucky’s. So close they were sharing air and so close to what he wanted but he only allowed himself to brush the tip of his nose across the bridge of Bucky’s, running it upwards as he made sure to be careful and light, letting himself drag his nose back down again as delicately as possible all the way to the end just so he could nuzzle him lazily. Fingers twitched in Steve’s hair but there was nothing else, Steve’s free hand dusting along Bucky’s cheek before it pushed against his hair to brush it back again, smoothly turning his hand to run knuckles against his jaw adoring him as much as he was allowed to.

Steve couldn’t stop watching Bucky sleeping, his mind kept commenting on how creepy he was being but he couldn’t help himself. He also couldn’t help touching his face, or pressing in to nuzzle his nose in absently lovesick moments for himself, he couldn’t help himself when his free hand could trace along the back of long delicate fingers or how Bucky twitched a little when Steve would oh so lightly skim the top of his dull fingernails against the exposed tiny bit of skin at his side from his t-shirt riding up.

He kept wanting to talk to him like this but he was afraid to because even in a deep sleep Bucky managed to scare him. So easily he could admit to loving him, openly in his face and still be safe from any rebuttal or adverse reaction of not being ready yet and still he couldn’t. Steve knew he was just so nervous, so hesitant and in turn refused to reveal anything; instead he soothed Bucky, kept him close and warm, protected him like he wanted and pressed a small sleepy kiss against his cheek when he started to fall asleep as well.

*****

It was weird to wake up with Bucky next to him again after such a mess with Brock.

Steve woke up first because, despite falling asleep last and lingering over thoughts of how he could really move to the next phase of whatever big plan he had, his body was used to a seven am wake-up time. He could tell it was later than that now but Bucky was still out like a light, hair messily falling sideways with his cheek pressed against the pillow, a little drool stain darkening the cover from the corner of his mouth. All Steve thought about was how adorable he looked, there was no other way to describe it and there was something so tender and intimate about the moment Steve always savored but it also made his heart ache. He knew all too quickly that he always wanted to wake up like this every morning for the rest of his life.

The idea that someone, anyone, would look at Bucky and not want to wake up next to him every morning like this and instead would prefer to hurt him and manipulate him instead left Steve perplexed. He’d give just about anything for this to be his constant, to share his life with Bucky and his home even if they had to move to accommodate a growing dog. He would because he’d take anything that came with Bucky as long as he was happy.

His mind wandered back to their little outing last night, thinking about the time Bucky pointed out how many dates they would hypothetically have had if they were taken as dates. It seemed like they had another one last night and he wasn’t sure what to make of that, it was just a nice time out as it always usually was with Bucky but now he was thinking about how Bucky really thought of them, if he did think about them. He assumed he did because of his feelings but how much? Did he think they were dates and hope Steve said they were? He wasn’t sure.

Sighing at himself quietly, he shook his head as he gingerly pulled himself out of bed to get changed, even though he really didn't want to, the morning barely started for him and he was already here being ridiculous. 

It was during breakfast, where Bucky sleepily asked if Steve could go without him so he could sleep in, Steve asked Sam as much.

His best friend finally closed the book he was trying to study out of with a hard slap and a dirty look going on to say something but then paused, rerouting thoughts and suddenly snatching the phone from Steve. The same phone the blond had been looking on and off at and mumbling silently to himself with.

"Wha- hey!"

Patrons looked in his direction, face coloring a deep red and Sam knew before even looking he was about to hit the jackpot, leaning back in his chair and holding the phone as far away as he could. Slowly he brought it towards a close enough distance so he could look but not have it snatched away by Steve diving at him. His friend sank in his seat instead, resting his cheek against the hand propped up at the table.

"Steve. Steve my man.." He held the phone out for him to take back, hands snatching at it begrudgingly as Sam grinned, shaking his head. "Are you really learning Romanian? You're a sad, desperate man."

Steve frowned harder, if that was possible, "Trying. And slowly. Very slowly. I still have no idea what he says except when he swears because it's the first words I looked up since I could remember them. He swears at everything; when he stubs his toe, when he cuts his finger, when he gets paper cut, when he walks into the wall, when he trips over the end of his baggy sweats, when he bashes his leg into the side of the coffee table or- "

Sam looked astonished, raising his hands up a little off the table, "Whoa, you have to bubble wrap him up."

Pausing and breaking out into a fond grin, he nodded in agreement.

Sam tried not to smile because these two were a mess, returning back to his other comments about dates, "Unless you say 'this is a date', it’s not a date. Example, this could be a date but neither of us said it's a date so it's clearly not a date. He’s not waiting for you to make it clear, he would clarify if he was thinking that. To him it's just a fun outing with you.”

Steve’s face fell, fork poking at his eggs silently.

Sam refrained from groaning over how pathetic he looked, “On the bright side, technically it was from the sounds of what you two did despite no goodnight kiss, a few of your outings together have been technically considered dates if you have to know _especially_ that time ice skating. Yeah that was date level and smooth because of the no show blind date he was on prior to it. I would have kissed you goodnight for that one myself.”

Brightening, Steve smiled, pointing a finger at him with an agreeable nod, “See, I was kind of feeling like we were and- ”

Taking a bite of fruit salad, Sam sliced the air with his empty fork while he shook his head to cut Steve off, “No, no. Stop that right now. You two have had no _official_ dates. No dates. Stop thinking like you have. Wait and ask the poor guy out properly when you’re both ready. Then you can say you’ve been on a date with him.”

Steve had suddenly gotten an idea and Sam stared at him carefully.

“What is it?”

“I’m activating the next phase, I’m gonna win him over.”

A brow shot up, Sam drawing in a slow careful breath, “What exactly does that mean?”

Shrugging, Steve was smiling and that indicated Steve was set on what he planned to do no matter on if Sam thought it may be stupid or not.

“Gonna woo him Sam.”

“ _Woo_ him? Where are we, in a Shakespearean play?”

Steve shook his head but he was smiling so wide it looked painful, especially while he was healing, “Just think about it Sam, he wants someone to work for it, he wants to be shown someone _cares_. All the bells and whistles, flowers, poems- ”

“Steve you can’t write a poem even if your life depended on it.”

Waving him off, the blond shrugged, “You know what I mean, he wants the whole deal. He wants romance.”

Sam looked at him dubiously, “He wants _you_ , I don’t think he cares about all the bells and whistles. He wants to be sure you want him as much as he wants you.”

And that only made Steve simultaneously happy and sad all at once. It was such a simple request that Steve wanted to grant him but Bucky was afraid of getting hurt and to him it was such a real prospect that he would rather keep quiet than let Steve in and allow him to be there for him. 

“Sam, I love him. I wanna prove it in any way I can.”

Moving a hand closer to the one Steve rested on the table, Sam lightly patted it giving him a honest smile, “I know you do Steve, I know. I see it, but he’s so scared of getting hurt. That boy’s got a lifetime’s worth of pain and then some, I can’t even blame him for looking at you like you might be the next person to screw him over and I don’t mean that you will. I just don’t have any surprise that he’s really that scared, I do think if you two are together, that’s it for the both of you. Both of you already have that stupid starry look in your eyes every time one of you step into the room and you both see each other.”

Steve looked at him, hope in his eyes, “I think so too Sam.” 

Sam gave Steve a careful look, “Just, keep it easy. I know you like jumping off everything but this, handle it with kid gloves Steve. I don’t have to spend a lot of time with him to see he’s got trauma written all over him, you’ve described enough garbage going on for him to be holding it in spades. And the thing with trauma is that the person experiencing it can be irrational, even if they're aware it’s irrational they're still going to feel compelled to react the way they need to. It takes a while to get out of that habit, to get past it.”

Steve nodded gravely, “So you’ve said to me before Sam.”

“It’s because I want to get it into your head, I’ll keep saying it so you remember when you want to be stubborn and impulsive, he’s not thinking like you. _They’re_ not thinking like you or even about you. I believe in my heart that they care, they do but it’s all him. You do your thing Steve, woo him like some romantic movie but get a feel for him, read him and don’t be dejected if he doesn’t bite on the first try.”

Nodding along to his words, Steve gave him a simple small smile, “Thanks Sam, for..everything really.”

Sam took a sip from his mug, raising his eyes over the top of it and though obscured Steve could see a crack of a grin, “I’m rooting for you, I am. I do want you to be happy, I just also want you prepared for anything.”

*****

Steve knocked on the door to the brownstone, Natasha answering it with a small smile, “Nice to see you Steve.”

He smiled sheepishly, “Yeah, sorry for skipping out on Sunday.”

Nat stepped back to let him in as she gave her head a shake, “To be honest, I didn’t think you would with James gone. I know with the things that happened you weren’t too keen on coming back without him.” 

“If it makes you feel any better, I was mainly drunk and acting stupid so I wouldn’t have made good company.” 

If Natasha knew anything about him calling Bucky she didn’t address it, taking his wool coat for him to hang on one of the coat hooks at the wall. 

“Hey Steve.”

He turned to see Clint coming out from the kitchen giving him a wave, Steve waved back, turning to a bell jingling down the stairs and his brows went up, “You finally invited her in for good?”

“I finally let Clint keep her.” Natasha let out with a playful smile. 

Clint only shook his head, giving her a light nudge and a small pinch to her side. Liho paused to look at the three of them, studying Steve the longest before trotting away and hopping up on the couch, two white socked feet with brown bears on them propped up on the arm.

“You’re getting a little fat, good, you need a big tummytums.” Bucky cooed out.

Steve looked over from the back of the couch, finding Bucky laid out on his back with Liho spread out on his chest pressing paws over his mouth like she wanted to keep him from talking. Bucky only tilted his head away with a grin, poking his index fingers lightly into the cat’s soft belly area, “No I won’t stop.” 

She chirruped at him, twisting her upper body to clamp teeth down lightly over one index before turning for the other finger that was assaulting her opposite side. Ears flicked when he softly blew air at her and she mewed at him in desperation, long faced and wanting no more. Bucky laughed and pulled her closer, wrapping his arms around as she tucked her head in under his chin and rubbed her face against his five o’clock shadow, purring loudly as they both curled up satisfied.

Steve smiled as he leaned over to gently pet silky soft fur, stroking her in long smooth motions while she only purred louder and coaxed a giggle out of Bucky.

“She’s just vibrating away against me, tickles a little.”

Lunch consisted of homemade tomato soup that Steve couldn’t believe would taste as good as it did and grilled sandwiches with some imported cheese he couldn’t pronounce let alone remember the name of but definitely wanted more of. 

Afterwards he had gone upstairs to take a nap before he had to start his work shift, he had been feeling tired lately from all the overeager excitement he felt for being in Bucky’s good graces, in _almost_ everyone’s good graces. For him he was having a great few days despite feeling sore at his sides and back a little, his head giving him aches, his face feeling a little battered and bruised, and a little itchy. He didn’t care much though, Bucky was there and happy just sometimes you had to do a self check in and he was in dire need of a nap. 

He took a couple hours in Bucky’s bed, waking up to a weight on his chest and what he thought were sharp little knives poking him. For a moment he thought maybe Brock had found him and was decidedly using acupuncture to kill him only to wake up to Liho practically glaring at him as if silently questioning _why_ he was in Bucky’s bed, in his place of sanctuary. Could cats look like they were full of disdain? This one did. She looked very put out about it, sleek long tail swishing this way and that in annoyance as if he was a commoner invading holy space. 

Maybe he was thinking too much into this.

Lucky was at his side curled up but the light commotion between feline and human forced him to raise his head and watch, tail thumping against the bed behind him. 

Liho leaned in closer, nose twitching around Steve’s mouth before she pressed her paw against it, claws still out but only lightly raking them over his lips. He didn’t really speak cat but he was sure it was threatening him with bodily harm right then. Hesitantly he put his hand near the side of her face, slow and careful to see if she would let him touch and she did, for a mere five seconds before she suddenly twisted and nipped at his finger and scratched at his neck with her other paw. 

At Lucky’s bark in warning, she leaped off Steve’s chest in a flash and took off out the partially closed door and he was left sitting up with a hand pressed to the marks. Steve reached over and gave Lucky a scratch between his ears before he pulled himself up to look in the mirror only to hear soft laughter coming into the room behind him. He looked over his shoulder only to see Liho curled up in Bucky’s arms like a spoiled baby. Nanook peeked his head in but then bounded away when Lucky chased after him down the stairs, the pair of them off to go play.

“Did she attack you?”

Steve winced a little at the scratches, feeling an itchiness from them but he shrugged, looking at the nipped finger next, skin broken but not bleeding, “She’s um, I think she got mad at me for sleeping here.”

Making a soft sound of disappointment, Bucky looked down at the silken pool of black cat, “So that’s why you came running to me, you can’t hurt Stevie. I won’t have it.”

Liho made a few meowish sounds like she was talking back to him, front paws moving up to hold Bucky’s face, _without claws_ , Steve noted in slight amusement. 

Setting the cat down, Bucky pointed out the door, “Come with me, there’s bandages and stuff in the bathroom cabinet, she’s had her check up and shots but you should clean that stuff up anyway. Nat’ll be ready to go in about half an hour.” 

Steve nodded, looking back at his finger while following him out. Bucky sat up on the counter and beckoned Steve in with a gesture of his head. 

“C’mere handsome.”

Smirking, he held his hand out watching as it was cleaned under the tap. Bucky rummaged for some cotton balls and cleaned up his finger before putting a bandaid over it with a layer of ointment.

“Can’t be too safe. Now,” He wrapped his legs around Steve’s thighs to pull him in against the bathroom counter, ankles locking together, “Tilt your neck please.”

Steve braced his hands on the counter surface trying not to breathe faster, eyes stealing glances at Bucky’s long lashes as he was concentrating on applying alcohol soaked cotton against the red scratch marks along his neck. The sensation gave him a small sharp stinging pain before it ebbed away and Bucky lightly blew at the area to get it to dry faster. Steve let his eyes close, refusing to move his hands to hold hips even though he so badly wanted to. 

As carefully as he could, Bucky pressed one of the larger square bandages against the spot trying his best to cover as much of it as he was able to. “There, you should be okay.”

Steve faintly nodded, leaning in to the warmth and to Bucky’s care, letting his forehead drop against the shoulder before him and arms came up loosely around his neck, fingers brushing along the ends of his hair.

He knew it was going to ruin their quiet moment but Steve needed to know, “Are you going to be okay tonight?”

Bucky’s arms tightened around his neck and only nodded.

Steve knew that meant it probably wouldn’t especially with his mother involved. He lifted one of his hands off the counter, pressing his palm against Bucky’s lower back as he tried to rub the spot in a soft gentle motion, “I’ll be home after one if you want to come over, or let yourself in when you’re done. If you want to I mean..” He trailed off, eyes darting across the mirror not sure what exactly to say to make the outcome any better.

“Just hold me Steve, please.” 

He could do that. He could always do that.

*****

Dinner was more or less as awkward as Bucky expected it would be. He only had a few seconds to say hello to Imogen before he was seating himself in his designated seat dressed in a brand new navy shawl collared pullover and a pair of dark wash jeans so he wouldn’t get picked on for wearing something ratty and old. He shaved despite his opinion on five o’clock shadows, it was his mother’s opinion he was basing his decisions on, trying to blend into her perfect backgrounds the best he could so her lecture he was sure he was going to get set down upon his head was as gentle as possible. He neatly swept his hair to one side and back, glaring at how stupid he looked for a couple minutes, turning sideways with a flattened hand sliding down from chest to navel before leaving everything alone and bundling himself up in his peacoat when one of their driver’s arrived to pick him up.

The meal itself was pleasant, lightly seasoned and sauteed winter greens, roasted potatoes and stuffed pork loin that Bucky picked at after a few bites when he caught his mother absently glancing at him and indirectly calling him fat by speaking up about one of the ladies at her luncheon and how the woman’s daughter could barely fit on her chair.

George exhaled over his food, cutting into his meat, “I’m sure there’s other things to worry about besides someone’s weight. I thought you were finishing up the last minute preparations for that Valentine’s banquet you were hosting for one of your charities.”

Winifred made a face, the same face she made at Bucky when he wasn’t listening to something she said, “I _am_ George, and it’s for the Immigration Center staff _not_ for a charity, they are a charity. You never listen.”

“My mistake dear.”

Bucky tried not to laugh at the dry look across George’s features, their eyes catching before Bucky looked away and took a sip of his water innocently. 

“Anyway, as I was saying. James, remind me to point her out, I don’t want you fraternizing with girls that can’t even control how much they eat. God forbid you married a woman like that and you both ended up with the lack of impulse control to stuff your faces. Also, why does your sweater look so tight?”

A forkful of spinach was making its way into Bucky’s mouth before he froze, gaping as he gingerly set his cutlery down, “It’s a slim fit pullover, it’s supposed to look like this.”

Winifred almost sneered in contempt towards the article of clothing, practically rolling her eyes at him, “Not on you my dear, not like _that_.”

Self confidence crashing to a halt, he suddenly felt exposed and insecure. Bucky looked over himself, hands smoothing over his chest and sides, “What’s..what’s wrong with it?”

“Nothing,” George let out with a sudden hunch of his shoulders and a tired expression across his face, “Your mother’s just teasing you.”

“Yes James,” Winifred smiled past her glass of water, “I’m only teasing you. Though, I’d be careful about getting through the doorway after dinner, you should ask Imogen to butter it up for you to slide out of here.”

“Win..” George let out, not looking up from his plate as he took another bite.

She smiled wider, “Oh he knows I’m only joking with him.” She reached out and Bucky tried not to flinch at how hard she was pinching his cheek, “Don’t you James?”

Bucky stared at his plate, hands resting over his lap and he suddenly wasn’t very hungry anymore, he was far from it. His food looking unpleasant and disgusting as his stomach suddenly began to feel a little sick wondering if he was going to throw up most likely from eating too much.

“Yeah.” He carefully pulled himself up from his seat, slow and cautious like he may enrage a predator if he moved too fast. “I feel sick actually, from the flight back. Think I’ll wash my face and meet you in the drawing room if you still want to talk since I’m assuming it was why you asked me to come over.”

She studied him, finally nodding as she made a small noise of confirmation, “Thirty minutes, I’ll tell Imogen to set the coffee in there. She made you brownies you know, always _loves_ when you come over.”

Bucky paused in the door frame, rapping his knuckles against the paneling before continuing his escape. He never missed the malice anymore when he used to miss it so many times. He was sure, always so very sure it was his father who managed to keep Img close since he knew if it was his mother’s choice things would have been so different.

When Bucky came back downstairs, he had changed into one of his more oversized sweaters, well it was actually Steve’s cardigan, not feeling ashamed he had borrowed it without asking and right now he wore it as best he could to shield his body. Only Winifred was in the drawing room when he entered, a neatly folded newspaper sitting on her lap with two tea cups in the tray beside a pot, one filled with coffee, the other sat empty.

He wondered if he should tell her to just spill it so he could bite the bullet, he wanted to leave and he was aware he wasn’t a prisoner yet he still felt minuscule strings of unbreakable chain keeping him close to his own mother. Tethering him to her for eternity, his mouth tasting sour and disgusting.

“Sit James.”

He shook his head, “I have to go soon..I have to take care of something.”

She rolled her eyes, “Has anyone ever told you that you’re a terrible liar?”

“I guess maybe that’s why I barely lie then.”

The hard line of his mother’s jaw pressed caused him to keep his mouth shut, hands instinctively clasping together before him. Winifred cut to the chase the moment she tossed the newspaper across the table, Bucky watching it slide across the sleek surface and twist just enough in an angle for him to catch the picture of Steve sitting with his back up in the corner of what looked like a coffee shop. He remembered him mentioning some interview related to that and then he showed up here of all places, in his kitchen. 

“James.”

Eyes flicked from the paper to his mother’s face, “Yes?”

“What is he to you?”

“He’s Steve. He’s my friend.”

Winifred raised her brows, “The same one you were telling me about before you decided to have a full on temper tantrum and break the china?” 

“I didn’t- ”

“ -Is that _him_?”

The room was slowly closing in on Bucky, looking around a long moment, “Where’s everyone?”

“It’s just you and I tonight. Your father has a briefing to prepare for and your poor precious Imogen isn’t here to get in my way when all I need is a simple answer James.” She pulled herself up to face him, “So, why don’t you answer my question?”

Looking away from her penetrative gaze, Bucky nodded, “Yes, it’s that Steve.”

His body braced for any level of impact on instinct alone, his eyes warily watching any fragment of movement his mother made no matter how non-threatening it seemed. She looked as if she was thinking hard about the problem that laid itself out, her slim delicately long fingers and perfectly manicured nails pressed together before her like she was too serious, too _concerned_.

“You have a tendency to help people James, you want to assure them that you’re there for them. I’m sure you see him as another person to take care of and he’s also different. He’s more independent than others, unlike that _leech_ you decided to live with for barely a few weeks until you came back to your senses. Also not counting your friends of course. You want to take him under your wing,” Her voice softened, almost sweet, “You’re fascinated by him, I can see it. The complete opposite, you like the novelty of how romantic his life as a painter can be when you have other duties to deal with so there are times you cannot afford such freedoms.” She stepped closer, “But he will though my sweet, he will hurt you. He’s already using you, and isn’t that what all the boys did? Hurt you?” 

Bucky tried to keep himself from backing away, “Steve would never intentionally hurt me.. he- ”

Winifred stepped before him, moving a hand in to cup his face gently, “But he has James. He’s hurt you, correct?”

Shying away and turning his head down, he shrugged, pulling a face reluctantly, “It’s accidental, he would never do it to hurt me on purpose..”

“James, he had you running through traffic the second you saw him, no one in their right mind would do that.”

Pursing him lips, Bucky looked at her, brows furrowing in, “I made that choice and it wasn’t like it was highway traffic, it was just cars looping around to leave the airport roadway, they generally drive slower than on a normal street because of all the people walking to and from the parking lots.”

Her fingers softly stroked his skin, smiling warmly as she stared at him, pulling her hand away just to brush her knuckles against his cheek and Bucky let her, his eyes fluttering closed as his shoulders eased and he let himself lose all the tension in them. 

“There we go,” She cooed softly, “You get so worked up sometimes.”

He relaxed easily into her touch, a faint hum slipping from his throat and lulled into a perfect sense of security. 

“He’s not good for you James. The sooner you end your friendship with him, the easier it will- ”

Opening his eyes, Bucky timidly took a step back and effectively breaking the spell of being safe around her, wary of procuring the wrath of his mother now but already reacting to what he didn’t want to hear, “ _No_.”

He stood up straighter, taller and he hated that even with that, the height advantage to tower over her, she still looked bigger than him, his memories always reminding him of when he was little. Remembering when he was that scrawny kid she was always tired of dealing with because he wasn’t good enough. No matter how much he had grown, she always made him feel small. So very weak. Hopeless.

_Useless._

Winifred’s features didn’t change, studying him carefully as she reached in and cuffed the side of his neck, loose and gentle but nails dug in a little at the tips barely causing any discomfort but they were there, _known_. 

Anyone else looking at them would have found it as a lovely mother and son exchange of adoration but Bucky had _years_ of abuse built behind every gesture, every glance his way in private to know how loaded and dangerous each action his mother took when she was free to without a witness present. The second her hand touched his skin, all his strength left him again and everything he could say after his refusal slipped away from him in one big rush of air. 

“Now James, as your mother, you should really consider letting this boy go. He’s only been around for a few months, nothing happens in a few months, nothing serious. He’s only trying to make you think you need him my Darling. You know he’ll do what he likes and then leave you. Do you want him to do that, hurt you?”

“No.” He choked out, not sure if he was saying it towards his mother or answering her question.

She stared at him in all seriousness, eyes narrowing and cold, “Then get rid of him.”

“I don’t..I don’t want to though..he’s a good friend- ”

Her nails dug into his skin and the corner of Bucky’s upper lip twitched trying to stop himself from grimacing from the pain, especially resistant when he could feel the moment skin was breaking, the side of his neck stinging and warmth flaring against his mother’s hand as he continued to refuse under her sharp scrutiny.

He managed, hands balling into fists at his side to distract his mind from the pain, “I can’t. I _won’t_.”

Bucky could only hope she could grow bored of her game to pester him and try again another time, a callous expression across her face he couldn’t decipher on if she was finished soon or just getting warmed up. Bucky could only hold his breath, a small soundless gasp escaping when her hand pulled away, too easily his eyes closing a moment to relax from the prickles of pain coming from his neck not sure now bad it was. 

It was only a second, took a second to close his eyes and let his breathing level out because he hoped she was done with him, hoped he was okay for now. She never really struck him unless he was being exceptionally defiant, he hadn’t in a long while and he wasn’t ready to the hard slap across his face that he didn’t even see, more of a shock than anything else. 

His legs steadied the jostled way his body went with the motion, rocking to the side a moment and a hand shot up to his cheek. He had stupidly bit at the corner of his bottom lip at the moment it happened, tasting the blood mixing in with his saliva. Finally opening his eyes and blinking away the blurriness, he suddenly felt an overwhelming sense of _sadness_ , his gaze resting on the angry expression across his mother’s face and _guilt_ washed over his whole entire being feeling so very responsible for making her look that way. 

“Mama..”

She raised a finger at him, abrupt and vicious, “Don’t you dare! I’m so disappointed in you and your poor attitude, acting so selfish! I should have sent you off to that religious academy when I had the chance! Get out James, right now. If you want to act like some _boy_ is more important than your own mother then you can stay out of my sight! I can’t even stand to see your face anymore right now.”

Tears stung his eyes, as she crossed her arms over her chest and looked away, disinterested in anything he had to say. Bucky pressed his fingers lightly against his inflamed cheek trying to get her to look at him as he timidly moved in only to have her step back, making a sound of disgust just before turning her back completely with a shake of her head, easily walking away from him with a click of her heels echoing down the hall.

He swallowed thickly, like praying to God would have helped him any better.

*****

Steve opened the door after there was a series of soft knocks and he smiled to himself thinking it was Mrs. Alvarez dropping off more soup. Despite her age, there were moments she was up in the early AM cooking for no reason at all and if Steve didn’t turn in early he was a happy recipient of free delicious home cooked meals.

The moment it was opened though, everything on his face holding up a greeting seemed to melt away, Bucky standing with his head bowed and hair falling forward damp from rain, hands twisted around the one strap of his backpack slung on his shoulder. 

“Buck?”

“Can I..come in?”

It was an absurd question, a quick glance over showed him Bucky was still wearing keys and he wouldn’t have gotten inside if he didn’t use the first key unless someone held it open for him. But then he really looked, the swell of redness at his partially swollen lower lip, how Bucky was bowing his head away and to the side. Steve reached out and paused before grabbing his chin gently, Bucky releasing a soft audible sound of wanting to resist but he didn’t. Steve only tilted Bucky’s head up a little, getting him to look his way and he could really see the split lip mostly tucked away at the corner more at the inside of his bottom lip. 

Bucky almost got away with what else he was hiding, why he was turned to one side more than the other probably hoping the lip was distracting enough yet he saw red lines and curiosity led him to moving to look to the side a little just enough to see long fingernail marks that had cut into his skin. Perfect sharp red crescent marks against the side of his neck and a lone one under his jaw answered what happened, Bucky’s hand reaching up to try to rake his hair over it not that it did much, eventually just moving to cup the marks in embarrassment. 

“Don’t tell Nat or no one..” He whispered lightly, avoiding Steve’s eyes, “They all worry a lot..” 

Trying to breathe through his nose without too much pressure from the anger he was feeling, Steve finally let go of his chin reaching instead for Bucky’s backpack, slipping it off his shoulder to set it to the side. Bucky kicked off his shoes and removed his coat in silence, Steve taking it from him to hang on the coat hook on the wall beside the door.

“Go sit down, I’ll make you some tea.”

Bucky stared at him a long moment before he nodded tightly, eventually moving to walk towards the couch. Steve hated that even Nanook wasn’t here, shuffling through the basket of coffee pods to find one of the tea ones buried under the others. He kept glancing to Bucky sitting at the corner of the couch, hugging his knees while staring at whatever was playing on the television, some documentary movie about an older gorilla and his troupe. Steve was only half paying attention to it before the knocking. 

Soon he was back to the couch, holding out the mug of steaming tea that Bucky took with both hands and while arms were busy, Steve tucked the throw blanket over Bucky’s lap before he dropped down beside him, watching him take a tentative sip.

“Good?” 

He peered over, nodding silently as he rested it back against the blanket.

Steve sat there but he felt like he should say something, apologize for showing up and making Bucky’s mother angry, taking it out on him, he had never really thought about hitting a woman but he was wondering if he could hold back at least shoving her away if she ever did something to Bucky in front of him, he really didn’t know what to say.

Instead he leaned back, tilting his head against the couch as he looked out the window, “I should have picked you up from Nat’s later that night instead of stupidly showing up to surprise you.” 

A long pause sat between them.

“It wasn’t stupid. You didn’t know, you were just being nice.”

“The thing is, I did know. I _do_ know, I have an idea because I already know how she treats you at parties and her words can be a stressor to your panic attacks, I know how she looks at you and thinks you’re going through a phase but you’re not. If you like guys more than girls, then that’s you. You’re _allowed_ to. She can’t change that no matter what she does. I wasn’t even thinking when I came to surprise you though, I just caused you to get hurt. For that, I’m sorry Buck.”

Bucky only stared at his lap for a long while, the edge of his dull fingernail digging idly at the little chip at the edge of the mug, lips pressing together despite how Steve thought it may be stinging a little for him. 

His voice faltered when he spoke, nervous as eyes danced along the pattern on the cup, “I just want that mom experience that everyone else has. I want things like..like your mom did with you Steve. I’d like that.”

Steve drew in a slow breath, turning to look at him, “Not everyone gets that mom experience Buck, I guess I was just lucky ma was always there for me for as long as she could be and shit do I miss her but you don’t _need_ it. Not from her, you turned out wonderful because you had that mom experience from Imogen, she didn’t have to be your ma to love you. Maybe at the beginning she was just paid to take care of you but she did a lot more than just that and she loves you to pieces, that’s obvious and that’s a mom experience. Someone who loves you no matter what, supports you and encourages you. Lets you grow and learn, always there when you need them. Not everyone has an Imogen, you’re lucky you do and she’s lucky to have you.” He stared at those long soft lashes as they lifted and Bucky raised his eyes to look at his face, Steve giving him a comforting smile, “She is.”

Bucky leaned in to drop his head against Steve’s shoulder, “You always say the right things.”

“Just trying to shed some light, I know sometimes you don’t always see everything.”

“I still wish things changed, with her I mean, that I could see her be proud of me.”

Steve took the mug and moved it to the table, resting his hand between two warmed ones, Bucky immediately sandwiching them together. He didn’t know what would be proper to say and knew saying she was a callous awful witch who would never change was most likely not what Bucky needed to hear. 

“Sometimes, we just have to accept people for who they are and that there are going to be some out there that will just disappoint us. We can still be ourselves with or without them. You understand what I’m saying Buck?”

Bucky nodded silently, his fingers lacing together carefully around Steve’s hand like a protective pocket

Steve smiled, bringing his free hand up and reaching it loosely fisted up to lightly brush his knuckles against one of Bucky’s cheeks, tilting his head so he was lightly pressing his temple against Bucky’s. “At least we match.”

Staring at the TV, Bucky’s brows went up in curiousness when he looked back again, “How’s that?”

Shrugging a little, like he had no cares, Steve felt himself smile wider, “We both have split lips, my handsome face might need a week or something but at least I don’t feel so insecure right now. On the plus side at least you can work your face with some cute angle, get some sympathy votes. My mug looks like I was in Fight Club as an extra.”

The laughter that came out of Bucky made Steve’s heart beat a little faster because it was how he sounded when he was really happy, feeling him wrap arms around his bicep and curl his face in. Steve adjusted for him as he watched the documentary, resting his hand on Bucky’s blanketed thigh and patting the spot affectionately. He felt Bucky rub his face against his neck like an affectionate cat, Steve losing himself in a low chuckle before Bucky stopped just to hide his face away and cuddle close, mumbling something into his shoulder and giving it a light bite through his sleeve.

Steve pretended to flinch, “Ow. Okay you’re getting too cat for my liking and what did you say?”

Resting his chin on Steve’s shoulder, he bumped his nose against his friend’s cheek as he smiled softly, “I said I’m always cute.” 

“Yeah,” Steve agreed fondly, “You are always cute.” 

They stayed that way staring quietly at animal documentaries until Steve felt himself close to falling asleep and Bucky’s phone began to ring. He watched him retrieve it only to have Bucky sit up straighter, rubbing at his eyes as he answered the call, he caught George’s name on the screen. Steve pulled himself up and moved to the bedroom to go change and offer Bucky some privacy. 

“She told me to leave, I didn’t storm out.”

Steve’s head turned to look over his shoulder as he reached the door before forcing himself to go in and ignore it. He waited a few minutes, going through his nightly ritual while Bucky spoke in hushed tones that rose occasionally. Eventually he forced himself to lay on his side in the darkness and try to relax, his eyes slowly opening when he finally heard Bucky enter and sit himself down on the edge. He watched his arms move up, unbuttoning his shirt in a slow deliberate fashion and Steve could only tuck his own under the pillow, one bare shoulder revealing itself before Bucky glanced over.

“Still awake?”

“Yeah.” 

Steve could hear how defeated he was feeling just from his voice, watching the dark material slide off Bucky’s shoulders and pool around his waist. He watched him reach over for his phone when it lit up on the night table, thumb swiping along the surface, face alight a second before he put it back. He sighed inwardly, getting up to ball up the shirt and toss it on the chair, stepping further away while Steve listened to the sound of his belt buckle and the rustle of his pants. He came back only in sweatpants, laying out on his stomach with his arms folded beneath his pillow silently peering over.

Bucky looked exhausted. Not just that; drained. Paler than usual skin, hollow eyes, dark circles around them that were usually there but this time more prominent. He looked ill, in a way where it was like someone just came to him and made an attempt to suck away his soul. Pausing a moment, Steve assumed that was probably more appropriate than he was giving it credit.

He propped his head up on his hand, “You okay?”

Bucky nodded, “Yeah,” Mouth muffled against his pillow, “Getting chewed out because I was being disrespectful.”

“You- ” Steve started but quickly shut his mouth with force, he wasn’t going to berate Bucky’s parents no matter how much he thought they would deserve it and then some. It would have just made Bucky feel worse when it was the opposite of what he wanted for him. Instead he rested his hand on Bucky’s elbow, “Do you need anything?”

At first there was nothing, Steve’s fingers lightly tracing along the bend and the round knob of bone as they laid in quiet until Bucky made a small content noise, stretching his body out long and relaxed. 

Steve had adjusted to the darkness, Bucky’s eyes catching his, watching them flutter closed while his face pressed further against the pillow, “Could you keep..?”

Bucky smothered his face shyly and Steve got enough of a gist to understand. He shifted closer still on his side, resting his head on Bucky’s pillow, the pads of his fingers grazing over Bucky’s arm carefully, “Like this?”

Humming a little, he nodded, “More, please.”

Steve felt his throat tighten a little, mouth gone dry. He was reminded of their phone call together, drunk but he remembered what he did while Bucky was on the line and when he was off it, skin bared almost completely and that tone of voice all sweet and breathless. He shifted in his sweats, the building alley light slipping in had laid a strip across pale soft skin and he took his hand away to barrier the blanket a bit more between them despite the heat rising internally inside of him. 

There was no way Steve would embarrass himself, hand coming back to lightly run his palm across warm back, chasing the faint light in the darkness. His cock twitched to the murmur of pleasure Bucky whimpered out, Steve’s own mouth so close to shoulder trying to regulate his own breathing. He splayed his hand across skin and moved it slowly down each notch of spine fascinated by the way Bucky seemed to melt under him, sliding fingers up as dull nails barely tickled and then Steve was in his hair and massaging Bucky’s scalp along the back of his head. 

Listening to the quiet moan, soft and gentle, almost like a purr, Steve had to bite down his own reaction, watching Bucky untuck a hand from under the pillow he was using to reach and cup Steve's jaw. Steve instinctively tilted his head into it, trimmed nails scratching gingerly into his beard as he was nosing the inside of Bucky’s forearm before it slipped away, heavy hand dragging down his throat and across one pec, curious with his generous touch. 

Steve pressed his lips together tight, teeth digging in when deliberate fingers brushed down his nipple and pushed off his side before they were gone. He watched Bucky tuck his hand away again under the pillow, his head pressing back into Steve’s palm for more. He leaned in, pressing his lips for a light kiss against Bucky's shoulder as he massaged his fingers firmly. In return he received a smile, Bucky's eyes half closed and becoming so very sleepy.

“Stevie.”

“Hm?”

Saying nothing more, Bucky settled against his pillow while his eyes closed and Steve felt out strands of soft delicate hair between his fingers while he waited patiently. No matter how long it took, he'd wait until he was sure. He stared into the darkness and prayed to himself as he intently listened to the sound of calm breathing next to him while he waited for it to eventually slow down and deepen, it would be when he knew Bucky was asleep and good for the night. 

Once it happened Steve carefully climbed out and escaped for some time to himself not sure how much longer he could play the charade of everything being normal and not knowing anything about how Bucky really felt about him. He closed himself into the bathroom with a light click, turning the lock for extra security before seating himself on the covered toilet seat. Not saying anything was much more difficult than he had originally anticipated and the last thing he needed was to have something good only for it to turn around and blow up in his face the next day. He couldn’t deal with that, his impulses and personal _physical_ problems would have to calm themselves down even if he knew Bucky’s own impulses and flirtatiousness were there to meet him head on.

Burying his face in his hands, Steve had to hold himself together. He was going to do anything he could to wait until everything was right for the both of them. He had to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tu ma faci fericit -You make me happy


	33. We’re a mess.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blind dates, friend dates, meddling friends spying on friend dates, an overabundance of roses, dog parents, Steve finally goes insane. Here comes Valentine's week!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for this chapter if anyone is not into reading the escapades of Jack and Brock, it sort of worked better in this chapter to include their private moments because of Bucky's involvement with them which took a little away from the already shorter than normal chapter. :')
> 
> [Chapter 33.pic/gif](http://kalika999.tumblr.com/post/165206822705/hunger-of-the-pine-chapter-33-blind-dates)

**Early/Mid February, 2016**  
  


Steve rolled over to an empty space in the bed, hand spread across cool sheets and slowly it occurred to him that Bucky was supposed to be there but was not. He opened his eyes slowly, blinking a few times as he struggled to see through the blanket of darkness.

“Buck?”

Sitting up carefully, about to turn on the lamp, he spied light faintly streaming out down the hallway from the living room. It was then he realized Nanook was trying to wake him up, sitting up next to the bed and nudging at his side with his nose. Curiously he climbed out of bed, an urgent whining beside him, bare lumbering footsteps taking him towards the kitchen where a body froze as Steve was trying so desperately to open his eyes.

“Buck? It’s still night out, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I’m just getting a drink, you should go back to sleep.”

Nanook moved forward, pawing and headbutting at Bucky’s leg, watching the brunette get down on his knees to hug him and if that hadn’t given away his attempt to get rid of him, he would have picked it up by the tone of Bucky’s slightly raised voice.

Steve stepped closer, the sink holding a cup and a rinsed out container. Clearly he had no idea what the problem was, “What happened? I don’t care if something broke if that’s what happened, I just wanna make sure you’re okay.”

“I’m fine, I just- ”

Blinking past the last of his sleepiness, he knelt down beside the brunette, pressing a hand at Bucky’s arm, Nanook holding still as he let Bucky hide his face in his fur. Steve started to understand the dog’s mannerisms, when he was _working_ as opposed to when he was just being a puppy. He reached up and brushed a hand along Bucky’s hair soothingly, “What happened?”

“I’m sorry,” Bucky choked out, hugging Nanook tighter, “I ate your food. I didn’t mean to, I’ll wake up early and- ”

Steve fanned his hands out, almost shrugging because he didn’t entirely understand, “Wait a minute, just _wait_.” He drew in a slow breath of air pushing to get the entirety of his brain to work, “This is about you eating my food? Buck, you eat my food all the time. I buy you food so you can have what _you_ like, the food is there for you to _eat_.”

Making a point to stress those words, Steve sighed, shaking his head a little.

Pulling his head away, Bucky stared at him, eyes a little red and face sullen, “You don’t understand. I ate that food I’m pretty sure you packed for tomorrow, for you and Sam in the morning, the stuff I assume you made so you can have a pre-work out snack. The salad, those healthy looking homemade power bars with the little bits of all those things I think are supposed to be good for you. It’s for after and during your runs and weightlifting and stuff like that, right? I ate the whole lot of it, I don’t understand it! I _knew_ you made it for the both of you and I just kept eating them!” 

Clearly frustrated at himself, Bucky pressed his balled fists against his thighs as he finally shrank down and sat against his heels, “I’m sorry, I’ll fix it. Please don’t be mad.”

Steve shook his head, lips pressed together so tightly reaching out to take Bucky’s hands in his, prying them out of fists and smoothing them back over where they had been, “Stop, I’m not mad so there’s nothing to apologize for. If you were hungry, that’s fine. You eat. I can always make them again, Sam and I can go out for lunch, pick up some snack bars and anything else at the gym. It’s okay. You understand?”

Bucky looked away, eyes sweeping over his hands and along the floor as he swallowed and shakily nodded, Nanook dropping down on his belly and wiggling his head onto Bucky’s lap.

“Hey,” Steve cupped Bucky’s face softly, directing him to look up and see how he really wasn’t upset, “ _Hey_ listen to me, it’s fine. I’m not mad, I’m just a little worried about you, okay? You don’t have to tell me what’s wrong, I just want you to know I’m here alright?”

Blinking rapidly as if he didn’t _comprehend_ , Steve felt his throat tighten up watching Bucky nod gently like he was in a daze. 

Silence fell in between them. Steve watched him closely, thumb lightly running against Bucky’s cleft chin keeping himself open for anything while Bucky seemed to be thinking and chewing at his lip, _fretting_ over whatever he was bothered by. He watched Bucky’s adam’s apple bob while he swallowed again, the action labored as he rubbed his hands together.

“I didn’t eat much earlier, then I just woke up in the middle of the night and I was hungry. I ate the first thing that I saw, which was the salad and I almost finished it before even realizing you had packed it in two containers for a reason, in a _plastic bag_. I..I don’t know. I saw the bars and I peeked at them, you know?” He looked down at his hands wringing them nervously, shame across his features, “I got curious, they smelled pretty good so I took a little taste and then I just started binging on ‘em..”

“You were _hungry_ Buck. No reason to feel guilty, if you didn’t eat much at dinner time with your parents then I can only assume the last time you ate was lunch at Nat’s and that was over twelve hours ago. I wish you had told me you didn’t eat before we went to sleep, I would have happily fixed you a sandwich or two. I’ll get you anything you want, you just have to let me know. I’m a terrible mind reader, I want you to be comfortable here.”

Wincing as he brought a hand into his hair, scratching at the side of his head, Bucky shrugged his shoulders with an almost dubious expression across his face like he wasn’t entirely convinced Steve wouldn’t lose his temper about something food wise and it just hadn’t happened yet.

Steve cupped his face, thumbs gently stroking cheeks, “I _promise_ Buck. I’d rather you eat Nutella out of the jar with your fingers than have you being hungry.”

Brows came together as Bucky stared at him, hands reaching up to softly run fingers against Steve’s arms, “I’m sorry for eating that stuff, it was wrong of me.” Going in to counter what he was trying to say, Bucky pressed a hand against Steve’s chest, “No Steve, just hear me out. I want to say something..” 

Bucky avoided his eyes, dropping his gaze towards Steve’s middle instead, “I’ll try to tell you if I haven’t eaten, but sometimes I get tired, I guess I feel depressed..it’s the easiest way to explain it. I just want to go to bed, I don’t want to eat but then my stomach gets really hungry and it hurts and I feel like everything just disappeared from my belly to make room for food to be consumed, you know? In places I feel comfortable..like here. My brain turns off and I just..eat things.” He chewed at his lip, worrying at it, “I don’t have to tiptoe down the stairs and into the kitchen over here, or listen for breathing patterns no matter how far away the door is. I don’t have to know which lights make a clicking sound when you turn them on and which ones I can get without any noise. That socks are better across the floor than being barefoot, or be aware that you should stick closer to the furniture to avoid creaking..” 

Steve stared at him, his mind imagining being aware of all those things at night. His head turning over the idea of a younger version of Bucky, sneaking downstairs for _food_ and fearful of getting caught. Each second he stayed with that fanned further flames of anger within him. What _happened_ to make him so apologetic for binge eating and then hoard food like he wasn’t sure he would see his next meal? Steve had seen both habits in him, thinking back and noticing little signs of his absent way of pocketing snacks, 

Natasha overfed him like a concerned mother. He shook his head at the recollection that _they all did it_. Clint was easier to notice because he knew enough about him being a foster kid and that food wasn’t always an option until he met Bucky. That together they generally ate like bottomless pits with no shame about it and they encouraged each other, they both seemed to have an understanding that Steve didn’t realize was a _mutual_ ingrained habit. Brock, of course, was the father figure and Bucky was the favored one; his focus was on making sure Bucky ate and pulled out pots and pans talking about what type of Italian food he should make if he didn’t. Jack was subtle, like anything he did, it usually went unnoticed or it was too casual to pick up on. He was like Sam in that respect, cooking meals constantly only to pass them around like he accidentally made too much. He’d sit close enough to Bucky to place food on his plate as they spoke, distracting and detracting from it..and then there was Imogen. Johnny did it too, Johnny did it openly and almost obnoxiously but that was the plan Steve supposed, to disguise it with his outgoing exuberant personality so it just fit.

He sighed, frustrated at himself for not seeing it, well he did and he didn’t. The food wasn’t even a big deal, to him at least, there was nothing wrong with Bucky in a bad way but he needed to discuss these things with his doctor if he wasn’t already. He didn’t live there at that horrible home anymore..not really, and Steve was quite sure anywhere else he was welcome to eat as much as he wanted. It was just there, lingering in his head that he couldn’t imagine living that way, treating a _child_ in that manner because he knew, in the entirety of his heart that this was instilled in him at a very young age. 

Steve stopped his train of thought when he caught Bucky staring at him, no it was more stealing a glance and wary of what Steve thought of him. He hadn’t stopped holding his face, Bucky’s head gently resting against his hands and he wasn’t sure what to say except what he had already said, pulling him in as shifted out from between them, wrapping his arms tightly around the brunette. 

“Keep remembering that you don’t have to think those things here just like you’re more than welcome to eat anything you want, even if I made something for later. If you want it, eat it. We can always get more. I’m never going to get mad about that and you need to talk about these things to Dr. Potts. This is important for her to know if you haven’t already informed her of this.”

Bucky’s brows came in, “It’s not important.”

Sighing, Steve drew back dropping hands to take Bucky’s, “It _is_. You’re not going to get rid of this on your own if you still worry about eating food that you _know_ is welcome to you. This is child abuse Buck, you may legally be an adult but you’re still being abused and it started when you were little, right?”

Closing his eyes, Bucky calmly breathed through his nose, “It’s not child abu- ”

“ -It _is_.” Steve insisted, “I know child abuse,” His voice suddenly softened, “I know abuse.”

Bucky opened his eyes to peer at him, Steve’s tone causing him to frown, reversing their hands and he took Steve’s, “Steve?”

Whatever took the blond away suddenly dissipated into nothing. He shook his head and blinked back into the present, “Come on. Let’s get to bed.”

“Steve?”

Drawing his hands away, Steve ruffled a hand through Nanook’s fur as he gave him a depreciative smile. He pulled himself up before extending a hand for Bucky, “I’m tired Buck. We should both get some sleep.”

Bucky took his hand, standing up as he stared at him. He swallowed slowly as he took a step into Steve’s space, carefully pressing in as he lifted his arms and they wrapped around his neck; immediately Steve yielded to him, curling in and against Bucky’s front, large arms going around and almost consuming Bucky entirely. He tucked his nose into chocolate colored hair and inhaled, tangling his fingers into Bucky’s shirt.

“Take me to bed Stevie.”

Steve nodded against him and they both walked back towards the hallway together and into the bedroom, Bucky refusing to sever the tether of his fingers around the end of Steve’s t-shirt as they climbed in. For Steve’s part, he didn’t expect anything less, pulling Bucky into his arms as he tugged the blanket over their bodies, wrapping himself around Bucky as he quickly fell back asleep to the smell of mint and rosemary.

*****

Despite drawn curtains, sunlight reflecting off fresh snow was a powerful foe when it came to Bucky trying not to wake up from it. He buried deeper under the covers, a heavy hand reactively pressing more firmly against the small of his back and for a second he forgot where he was, opening his eyes to see Steve’s face inches from his, quiet and asleep with his forehead smoothed out. None of life’s annoying problems troubled him yet and he looked peaceful and happy. Bucky cupped the side of his face, thumb tracing along a bruise across one cheekbone while his fingers tucked into his hairs. Steve made a soft content noise as he seemed to drift off deeper into sleep, the pads of his fingers skimming to push up Bucky’s shirt higher and the brunette couldn’t help the small chuckle escaping from him.

“ _Papusa mea_.”

Steve smiled in his sleep, no idea he was being watched as he grunted softly, “You too.”

Bucky bit down hard on his lower lip as he grinned, trying his damnedest not to laugh and wake the blond up. He shook his head as he maneuvered sneakily out of his hold without too much of a problem, tucking a pillow there in his place. Nanook was already up and awake, watching Bucky before he headed to the door, repeatedly looking back for the brunette in hopes he would follow and get him some food. 

Occasionally Steve stirred in and out of sleep to the sound of nails ticking across wooden floor and dog breath in his face, giving his cheek a lick before they were gone again or Bucky’s laughter carrying through the entirety of the apartment. It made him smile and ease back into sleep, a sense of knowing things were okay until he was fully awake again. 

It took him almost an hour to open his eyes eventually with a tired yawn when he heard footsteps come back into the bedroom, a toothbrush hanging out of Bucky’s mouth while he was singing all muffled to something Steve couldn’t pick up. Nanook followed along right next to him, head up and staring intently while he howled in accompaniment. Laughing at the dog, Bucky scratched him behind his ears as he continued singing whatever song it was, sifting through a pile of unfolded laundry. He was in only one of Steve’s old football t-shirts, neck so stretched it was sliding back and along one shoulder, one end of it of it draped over a hip and the other side bunched up at the elastic waist of boxer briefs. It was what Bucky had on underneath, tight _everywhere_ , which Steve found cruel because Bucky had his back turned to him. 

He remembered a similar sight once when he was sitting on the couch waiting for Sharon to get her things together for school and she walked through the sitting room in her spandex short shorts that she wore for cheerleading and one of his many football athletic department tees while tying back her hair as she spoke to him about something he couldn't remember anymore. It didn’t do anything for him like it was doing now, trying to feign sleep so he could hide in his misery and sink deeper into the covers as his face darkened.

“Stevie I know you’re awake.” Bucky revealed as he began wandering back down the hallway with clothes hanging off one shoulder. “You breathe different when you’re awake.”

He didn’t answer back, hoping for a few good minutes that his body would relax enough to actually get out of bed, even though he was sorta fading a little back into sleep. He barely registered quick paced feet, not until Bucky had vaulted himself onto thighs and much too close to something he really didn’t want him feeling out. Immediately Steve was flailing and bucking to get Bucky _away_ from his issue, his brain reminding him in a fraction of a second that Bucky was smaller than he was, snapping to sit up as his hand reached to grab a his wrist before the brunette was sent flying off the bed, Steve’s other hand going for his leg except he grabbed a handful of something _ample_ and the yelp Bucky let out as he pinwheeled his arms told him very clearly he was holding on to ass. 

“Steve!”

“Sorry! Shit sorry, don’t fall!”

The balance was all off, Steve tilted sideways and Bucky wiggling too much to get away from his hand, they both fell in a heap on the floor, blanket going with them. The blinding pain to his groin was immediate, whooshing out the air in his lungs as he cupped himself and flopped onto his back. It wasn’t as bad as being hit with a football there but it was still painful, Bucky scrambling to sit up beside him.

“Steve? Did I knee you? Should I get ice?”

He winced, shaking his head, face flushed a tomato red and words escaping him when he had exhaled all the air he was holding more slower this time. He curled himself up in a fetal position, weakly pulling the blanket over his head and he could hear Bucky trying to stifle a laugh, tugging the cover off his head. 

“Aw Stevie,” Smiling sympathetically, Bucky pressed a kiss against his cheek, “I’m sorry for hitting you in the dick, you startled me when you grabbed my butt.”

Steve only made a small sound of pain, Bucky letting out a huff of amusement as he leaned up towards the bed to grab a pillow and slide it under Steve’s head, “I’m gonna go take a shower, be good.”

He only made another strained noise, okay with not bothering to correct Bucky that it was his own damn fault for falling on his dick while it was half hard.

Steve still on the floor and basically recovered but not wanting to move when he could hear Bucky shuffling from the bathroom to the bedroom, jingles of keys in his hand and dog tags running with him. He opened his eyes to see him packing up his backpack, “Hey.”

Bucky turned and smiled, “Hey, you okay? Sorry about the dick thing again.”

“It’s fine, sorry about your ass.”

Amused, Bucky shouldered his bag as he gave him a wink, “I didn’t say I was mad, I was just surprised.”

Chuckling to himself, Steve lifted his chin towards his backpack, “Going out?” 

“Yeah, I just suddenly had an idea about something and wanted to go act on it.”

Steve slowly pulled himself to sit up, back protesting a little as he rubbed an eye, “What idea? You finally got some life thing out?”

“Sorta..well not really.” Bucky mumbled while attaching the leash to Nanook’s collar.

“Place hunting?”

“Nope.”

“Then what?”

“I’m going to get Brock and Jack together if it’s the last thing I ever do right? So I got a few things I need to have ready for Valentine’s.”

“Ah. Good luck with that then.”

Bucky raised his head and gave him a huge grin, “Thanks, see you later Stevie.”

Steve watched him in delayed pause, replying with a lazy hum as Bucky headed towards the front door and Steve was settling back onto the floor when he had a sudden _record scratch_ moment over the idea of Bucky renting a hot air balloon and locking the pair of them in it until they admitted their feelings to each other or something as theatrical. 

He shot up to his feet as quickly as he could, “Hey Buck! Wait!” 

Not noticing the way the blanket tangled around his legs, his arm shot out to wave in Bucky’s direction just as he tripped two steps forward in his run to stop him, crashing hard against the floor with a loud thud.

*****

“But you can’t _do_ this!”

“I just did.” Winifred let out as she passed by Bucky and picked up one of her earrings to wear off a vanity table, “Besides, I don’t know what you’re bemoaning about. She’s a very nice girl. All you have to do is take her out for lunch, I even made reservations for you. Afterwards you can show her around, take her to the museum, somewhere nice. It’s only until she has to attend the banquet, you should be happy I’m allowing you skip that.” 

Bucky dropped his back against the wall letting out a groan as he stood next to the door.

She turned to give him a sharp look, “Stop acting like a child, James. It’s all arranged already, it’s much too late to back out.”

“I have plans though!”

Putting on her second earring, she shook her head at him dismally, “Please don’t tell me you’re doing something with that _artist_.” 

“No,” Bucky replied immediately, straightening up off the wall, “I’m doing a dinner with Brock and Jack and- ”

“ -Then you have plenty of time to go on your little date then meet your friends.” She sighed at him, giving him a tired look, “Don’t be so difficult James, it’s not as if I’m asking you to spend the whole day with the girl. It’s just a nice little lunch for you two to get to know each other, maybe take a little walk if there’s time. A simple few hours, who knows you may even _like_ her and feel the need to cancel on your friends to go to the party with her.”

“Fat chance.” He blurted out obstinately before he really thought about who he was talking back to.

Winifred stepped in close just before him, “Then listen to this, if you want to make it up to me for being bullheaded the last time we spoke then you _will_ do this for me and enjoy it. Fake it if you have to but you will be attending that lunch for acting so childish. Am I clear, James?” 

Bucky frowned, opening his mouth just as her brows went up in challenge; he let his shoulders drop and gave in, giving her a gentle nod as he mentally accepted his fate, “Crystal.” 

He couldn’t leave fast enough, pulling on his coat in a fury as he practically ran down the stairs, Imogen at the door worried at the thought that he might trip. His head fell forward as he moved, finally slipping his arm into his other sleeve and pulling at the labels on his leather jacket a bit to straighten it. 

Bucky only paused when he came up beside Imogen, sighing lightly as defiant shoulders suddenly dropped and he raised his eyes up to look at her, “I’m sorry I couldn’t stay longer.”

She smiled at him, reaching out to caress his cheek, resting a small container in his hand, “You will next time, I know. Don’t eat all that by yourself, share some with Steve.”

Bucky couldn’t help the smile spread across his face, anger slipping away temporarily as he leaned down and kissed her cheek, “Take care of yourself while I’m away, okay?”

Smiling as she nodded, she looked out the door to Steve waiting outside in the cold, hands tucked into his pockets and leaning casually against his bike. She waved at him and he brightened, lifting a gloved hand to wave back. “I’m happy you two fixed things.”

Drawing back, Bucky could feel his cheeks pinking, “Yeah, me too. Bye.”

The corners of her eyes crinkled in amusement, “Have a good night, James.”

He gave her one more quick smile before he approached Steve, taking his backpack from him to tuck the container away and slip it on before accepting his helmet.

“Ready to get going?”

Frowning a little, Bucky sighed after flipping up his visor, “More than ready.”

Steve made him put his gloves on before he climbed onto his bike and starting the engine. Bucky climbed on after him and took one last look towards the mansion, ominous and large. He wasn’t sure where his mother was right then, but he was sure she was watching from somewhere out of one of the windows. 

He wrapped his arms around Steve’s middle and molded himself as close to him as he possibly could, resting his head beside Steve’s hoping it would upset her just out of spite. He turned his head forward again, patting muscular chest to let him know he was ready and they both rode off and away from the property.

*****

Bucky found when he was down, Steve was trying to be his up. At sporadic moments when Steve was down, Bucky tried to be his up. He liked that about them, well friends were supposed to do that for each other but he just felt extra special when it came from Steve. It extended to Bucky feeling headstrong and aggressively defensive over him when someone was being too forward, or someone stereotyping him as a dimwitted steroid user. Of course predictably, as things went, the shoe always fit on the other foot as well and Bucky was getting used to that too.

“What the fuck was that?” Steve growled out as he shoved back the door once it was opened, tearing off his coat in defiant anger and tossing it onto the armchair with their helmets before he was storming through and going to the kitchen to yank open his little stationary drawer with all the pens and pencils and little knick knacks as well as all the delivery menus. “No one has the damn right to talk to you like that!”

Bucky held the poor door that didn’t do anything, gently closing it behind and locking it up. Surprisingly as he explained what his mother did without his permission, Steve was calm even though his face was doing something closely related to constipation but kept his mouth shut and Bucky appreciated it. Sure he was pissed himself but he didn’t need Steve to be as well. Unfortunately it all came to a head when they walked together to get the mail, Bucky curled around Steve’s arm and just taking the time for each other when Bucky accidentally bumped into one of the other renters and got the sharp end of her tongue. Steve diffused it with polite words through clenched teeth, even if Bucky could see the angry scarlet across his face and he was sure if the woman was a man, someone would have gotten an ass beating. 

He ran his fingers through Nanook’s fur when he came to greet him and the both of them had a silent understanding that the sweetest puppy in the world did not bother Steve while he was having his tantrum. Nook took one last long look at the blond before turning back to Bucky and was pointed to where his toys were left. He accepted his fate for the time being and headed towards them while Bucky tried not to smile turning back to Steve still pushing papers and dropping things on the floor. It was a little cute when he got like this even if he was all mad.

“Stevie, Noonoo’s gonna eat things you drop, please don’t leave them on the floor.”

“What- ?” Absently Steve bent over and grabbed some pens and a marker, fingers groping for the roll of tape just out of reach as he was still half sifting for something in the drawer. “..So fucking rude.”

Bucky approached him carefully, hands pressed together. 

“I’m gonna get back at that woman, I mean it. Who _says_ that? How does someone get it in their head that that’s okay to say?” Steve’s voice climbed as he became more impassioned about Bucky’s apparent mistreatment. 

“It’s the same people that live in some sheltered world where they’re ignorant to proper human manners and assume what they say shouldn’t be taken as offensive.” Bucky calmly replied, deciding against comforting and turned to go through the kitchen for some mugs.

Slamming the drawer shut, Steve came up empty handed while Bucky started up the single serve coffee maker, choosing a pair of pods to set beside it. He rifled through the cabinet for the smooth peanut butter and a spoon, scooping a large spoonful out after getting out of Steve’s way and perching up on the counter, watching him scan a few pieces of paper stuck to the fridge by little magnets. 

“Yeah, offensive is just the tip of the iceberg on what she was.” Steve turned as he sighed, obviously not finding what he was looking for. He turned again then went back to the fridge and pulled it open, “Do we still have some of those devil’s food cake cupcakes you made?”

“Top shelf, in the back behind that container of cut up veggies you prepared for tomorrow but you’re not eating any sweets.” Bucky informed him casually as he waited for the coffee to fill the first cup.

Steve looked over his shoulder, hand on the tupperware holding the cupcakes, “I’m not?”

Shaking his head, Bucky waved his licked clean spoon at the interior of the fridge, “Right side, same level. You can have that. Get the milk will you?”

Quiet for the moment, Steve took out the mason jar and the milk, setting it down beside the coffee maker while Bucky held out his mug for him. Placing it next to them, Steve popped open the lid to find overnight oats that had a homely smell of apples and cinnamon. 

“You made this for me?”

Bucky shrugged, spooning in some sugar and adding a lot of milk to his coffee, “Starting to get used to your weird food habits and I wanted to try it out when I saw it on some recipe board. If you ate those cupcakes you would freak out right after and plan some work out regimen _on top_ of your regular routine. I’m just saving you from being stupid.”

Steve stared at the jar then back at Bucky, shifting over and into his space, tucking himself against the counter between his legs. He rested his hands at either side of the brunette’s thighs as Bucky sipped his coffee watching Steve over it. “Stop distracting me with your common sense. I’m supposed to be angry and protecting your honor.”

Bucky set his mug down, “And I’m making sure you don’t eat those cupcakes.”

“The cupcakes- ” Steve abruptly let out a short laugh, dropping his head forward with a small sigh of surrender and the close of his eyes as Bucky met their foreheads together, Steve’s arms curving around his waist. “Why are you stopping me from my rage?”

“Because you don’t need it. It happened, that woman was an idiot. End of story.”

Steve frowned, drawing back, “How are you so calm about this? Your mom was being a jerk and then that _woman_.”

Biting his lip to try and hold back a smile, Bucky wrapped his arms around Steve’s neck, letting his eyes close as he grazed the side of his nose against his, “Because you seem to have this righteous indignation with things that aren’t as trivial with me. I got my bases covered. ‘Sides, being called a fairy isn’t the worse thing I’ve had said to me. You’ve been around Ward.”

Steve huffed, “There’s another asshole that needs to disappear.”

Drawing back, Bucky smiled his way, “Another story for another day. Besides, it bugs me how people think being called a fairy is a rude term. I could be a damn good fairy, they’re all small and sweet then bam! They’ve tricked you into doing their bidding because they’re known to be up to no good. I know myself enough to know people would fall for my innocent looks.”

The effect was immediate, Steve’s eyes dancing over Bucky’s face a few seconds before he began to laugh so hard his head dropped back to let it out. He stumbled away a step, hiccuping and wiping his eyes as he fixated on Bucky’s face, “Fuck off, just- _stop_. I’m supposed to be angry right now!” 

Bucky only stared back at him, smiling innocently, “Alright, be mad then. I’m just trying to have a conversation with you.” 

“You just play unfair.” Steve countered, a sound of frustration escaping him as he moved in again and pressed his face into Bucky’s shoulder.

Smiling to himself, Bucky only hugged him close with his head resting against Steve’s, rubbing his back in slow smooth circles. “I know I do.”

*****

Valentine’s day was special to Steve, it was especially special when the one he wanted to spend it with was at his side texting on his phone but close enough to be in arm brushing contact. Bucky also didn't pay attention to the way Steve was smiling, Natasha messaging to confirm the flowers had arrived and looked nice.

He was pretty proud of himself to say the least until they let themselves in not really expecting to find himself in some new space of the house where they had vases and vases of roses spread out throughout the kitchen, some extending out into the living room. Natasha was setting a wrapped bouquet down at the dinner table, looking over her shoulder to the pair of them with a tired shake of her head.

“James, I know some of these are for me but you need to rent out a new place to receive flowers for next year, this is getting out of hand.” 

Steve’s mouth was still hanging open in shock, he counted a couple of white boxes packed with roses but there were dozens and dozes of red, white and pink all over the place. At least Bucky had the decency to look sheepish, poking his index fingers together after petting Lucky and unclipping Nanook’s leash for him.

“I’m sorry Nat, most of this is Jo’s doing. You know that.”

She nodded in agreement, “I do know that, which is why I sent him a text just before you got in.”

Sighing fondly, Bucky turned to look at Steve to explain, “Johnny buys me thirteen roses, it’s my favorite number and he's weak for roses on Valentine’s but then he added thirteen every year and multiplied it because he's so extra so I end up with over a ton of roses.”

Steve glanced around, “..Yeah, no kidding.”

Smiling softly, Bucky shrugged, approaching the closest vase of them to feel out the petals and smell them, “I savor them for a little while before I take them to the hospital. The nurses and volunteers take some home if they like, you know they deserve some too, the rest they give away to patients and stuff so they don't go to waste on me and it cheers people up. Usually they give the long term elderly people roses first, if it makes them a little happier then I’m glad. Johnny knows what happens to them, he's happy about it so it all works out.”

“These are from Kyle,” She held out one of the boxes holding a dozen long stemmed roses, gold ribbon wrapped around the middle, a clear cover over them. “He actually dropped them off at the bar since he didn't know where to send them as a surprise and one of the kitchen guys dropped them off when he had to make a run for some supplies.” 

“Oh! Really?” He took the box into his arms, peering at them with a smile, “These are nice.”

To say Steve wasn’t jealous was a huge lie because he was, he felt like what he got wasn’t good enough all of sudden. He didn’t want to make Valentine’s a big deal though, he wanted to be subtle and soft with a bouquet because he wanted Bucky to know they were important and from him..yet here he was standing in the middle of a botanical rose garden because Bucky’s fuck friend didn’t have a limit and his other fuck friend decided to join in. 

He axed his plans, catching Natasha’s eyes and giving her a small shrug. He finally saw where his arrangement sat, quiet and unassuming in the center of red, pink, white and a sprinkle of yellow. They stood out, a bold arrangement of royal blue roses with gentle spots of baby’s breath to compliment them but not overtake. Steve knew they weren’t natural but blue roses had always been something he heard you give to someone that was special, that seemed far beyond your reach to have and Bucky was perfect for them. It was also Bucky's favorite color, so the moment he was over the box of roses, it was Steve’s luck that he abruptly picked up on them.

“Who sent the blue roses?!” He turned to Natasha, “Nat? Are these for you? They’re beautiful.”

Before Steve could figure out some way to deflect, suddenly embarrassed for giving him such a small collection, Natasha was throwing him under the bus.

“Steve bought them, for you.”

Mouth half opened, Steve had nothing to say when Bucky picked them up to stare in pure awe of them; big, surprised and _delighted_ doe eyes staring at him and Steve was ready to die because that expression was all that mattered right then.

“Stevie? You really got these for me?” He set the vase back down on the counter, admiring them while Natasha was behind him smirking at Steve because he _knew_ she knew exactly how he was feeling. It didn’t help the fact that Steve felt pride swell inside of him as well as happiness to how thankful and pleased Bucky seemed to be especially when the brunette seemed to disregard all the other roses around him. He was well versed in Bucky’s feelings yes, but seeing Bucky naturally expressing them was far more beautiful than he could ever imagine. 

“I wanted to get you something different besides red or pink, I just didn’t realize you were going to get a lot of roses from Johnny, I would have gotten more..or something entirely different maybe.”

“Shut up.” Bucky snapped out, punching his arm as he turned back to the arrangement, “They’re wonderful. I love them.”

Steve felt a fluttering in his core, his heart beating a little faster than usual and he smiled stupidly at him, he so badly wanted to reply in kind but he bit his tongue over that instead.

“You’re welcome Buck.”

*****

Bucky wondered if he should just leave and save himself the trouble. He checked his phone and the girl was ten minutes late already. He had no idea what she looked like and apparently they had met at some party before but Bucky was kind of bias when it came to meeting ladies at parties unless there had been some kind of connection with common interests within the first few minutes of talking. On-chance party introductions that never went anywhere there kind of didn’t go anywhere in his head either.

He looked down at his phone again, sending Natasha another update since she was keen to get a play by play while she was getting her hair and nails done with Loki, he kind of wished he was getting something done with them. It was probably much more fun than a lunch date with someone he didn’t want to be around. Pausing a moment, Bucky shook his head at himself. He didn’t know the girl, for all he knew she was kind and sweet.

_Not bloody likely._

Rolling his eyes to himself as he waited for a reply, Bucky startled to a hand resting across his shoulder, “James?”

He looked up to a beautiful blond haired woman in a long black winter coat with matching thigh high boots and a dark red mini dress. Bucky was at a loss for words over how gorgeous she was, stuttering a little as he pulled himself to his feet, phone slipping into his pocket. His hand came out as he flashed her a smile, “Elizabeth, right? Good to meet you..uh, again I mean.”

“Yes it is,” She let on as she took his hand and leaned in, planting a kiss against his cheek.

“Let me, get your seat for you..” Bucky took a second to look away across the restaurant and numerous pairs of eyes were their way, landing on the woman with pretty blue eyes and perfectly touched red lipstick that he was going to share a table with. He could definitely see how his mother thought she was a good candidate. 

“Thank you.” 

He helped her out of her coat and got it checked in for her by one of the servers before getting back into his seat, smiling politely.

“I’m so glad you finally agreed to have a date with me, and on Valentine’s too! I thought I would be spending the day with the girls, but I guess we could do that in the evening at the little party..well unless we get along right?” She let out with a small playful wink. “I just felt like we had something, I wanted to get to know you a little better after that gala.” 

Bucky could only smile and nod slightly in acknowledgment. He still really didn’t remember meeting her but then being forced to meet the ladies by his mother and kind of just doing it so he wouldn’t get lectured later and kind of mentally phasing himself out until he could get out of there was a normal thing for him. He vaguely remembered platinum blond hair and a few girls leaning in closer into his personal space and touching his tuxedo lapels a little but he was so disassociated and laughing on cue he really had no idea what was going on.

Their server came over for drink orders and she was immediately ordering some kind of fruity cocktail while Bucky opted for lemon water. He gestured to the menus, “Shall we start our orders?”

“Oh, yes of course and I’m sorry I was late.” She opened up her own menu, “I was on my way and saw an amazing dress I had to stop and look at. By the time I got another cab and traffic, well I’m lucky I even managed to get here when I did!” 

Not knowing what to say, Bucky could only smile politely watching her reach for her phone when it chimed and he found himself doing the same thing since she was. He updated Natasha quickly before slipping it back into his pocket, eyes going back over the lunch dishes.

They ordered appetizers and all through the wait Bucky was smiling so much his mouth was hurting but only because it was forced and any thought about giving this girl a chance had disintegrated into dust as he was loathing over the fact that his mother set him up with her. Especially the fact that she thought they would get along well. How blind was she?

“ -You know how it is with police officers, I don’t get _why_ he was ticketing my car for parking in that spot, I was only stopping to get my shoes and then I would have been out. It’s not my fault the sales assistant was taking so long to grab the other colors for me so I could pick from them. Handicap parking, like there were any handicap people waiting for it. You would think that cop would have had better things to do, like getting those transients off the block corner or something.”

“Yeah, funny that.” Bucky mumbled out in a halfhearted attempt but Elizabeth only took it as him being in agreement with her, smiling wide as she brushed her hair back over her shoulder. It slowly turned out that he did remember her, she was the one who was making some racist comment he had accidentally overheard before an hour or so passed and he was meeting all the woman he was told to introduce himself to. He never meant to hear it but the way she had said it so loudly when he walked by followed by the boisterous laughter from the people standing with her made him cringe enough to look back a split second and then forget about her. By the time he said hello to the ladies, he was half drunk and forgot most of their faces once the evening had come to an end. At present time he tried hard not to roll his eyes.

Their appetizers arrived and a small tiny garden salad sat at one end and a spinach dip for sharing appeared on Bucky’s end. The moment Elizabeth saw it, her eyes never left it, nose doing something closely resembling the way Bucky crinkled his nose when he disliked something but it was more judgmental than grossed out. 

Oddly it did the opposite to Bucky, feeling a little _encouraged_ by the reaction as he pushed his serving plate closer to the center of their table, “Would you like some?”

“Oh!” She cringed at it, “No, thank you.”

He watched her eyes drop away and she went to deal with her vinaigrette silently.

“More water?” The chipper, kind voice of their waitress cut in as a pitcher of ice water appeared beside his head. 

Bucky nodded quickly, mouth stuffed full of bread as he pushed his glass out for her to refill. 

“Yes please,” Elizabeth scoffed. “I was about to wonder when you would see my cocktail glass was empty and that maybe you should ask me if I would like another. That’s generally a great way for a business to make money, through alcohol. I know usually you all aren’t like this so you must be new here sweetie because your observation skills certainly need some adjustment.”

Bucky could feel the blood rush to his cheeks in a horrendous mix of anger and embarrassment. Their server had been terribly polite even when Elizabeth asked for a new place setting three times before she was satisfied that there were no water marks on any of the dishes. Bucky was about to open his mouth to apologize when the girl spoke up.

“I’m so terribly sorry ma’am, won’t happen again.” She flashed the most insincerest of smiles possible and yet Elizabeth hadn’t noticed, too busy goading over how she handled the situation in her mind.

“You had better be, just don’t let it happen again.” The blond expressed with a layer of disdain. “I could make life difficult for you if I wanted to, no one wants a waitress with poor service skills like yours. You’re lucky I’m on a lunch date right now and can’t be bothered.”

Avoiding another heavy roll of his eyes, Bucky dipped more sections of bread into his dip and stuffed them into his mouth as he looked down at the floor. He was beginning to wonder how many of these nightmare dates he’d have to go on in his lifetime before his mother got a clue.

When their plates were gone, Bucky was droning out a lot of the conversation if not most of it as they waited for their main dishes. The large expansive windows allowed him to stare outside past her shoulder and watch people going to and fro, the snow light and wispy, swirling in playful circles and lines across the air wherever the wind took them. A German Shepherd walked by, peeking into the restaurant as its owner paused to light a cigarette, the canine bumped his nose against the glass, tongue hanging and Bucky smiled to himself.

“Something wrong?” Elizabeth asked suddenly. 

Blinking and sitting up straighter, Bucky immediately shook his head, “No, of course not. Why?”

“You were smiling while I was talking about my favorite house guest getting kicked off the show.”

“I, um..it wasn’t about that. I saw a dog at the window looking in here and he was really- ”

“Oh I _hate_ dogs.” She cut in, “They smell so awful and they’re so stupid.”

Bucky’s mouth shut closed, upper teeth biting into his bottom lip choosing between defending the honor of a cute puppy or boring his eyes into this woman’s skull. Luckily their food arrived and he looked up with a grateful smile at their waitress trying to evoke as much ‘I’m sorry about before’ in his expression as he could. The girl gave him a quick wink just before she turned and went to help others.

“Ooh this salmon looks nice.”

Bucky snapped his eyes away and turned back to their table, hoping the food would shut her up. At least his ravioli looked really good and he was glad he asked for two slices of garlic bread, lifting one up about to take a bite, “It does.”

Passing by with some drinks, their waitress paused with a dazzling saccharine smile across her face, “And how’s the food?”

Attempting to say something nice, he was cut off by a disgusted noise across his way and he almost rolled his eyes upwards with a flutter of lashes as he tried to get his spirit to leave his body.

“Actually, this risotto isn’t cooked properly. Please take it back and tell the chef to fix it.”

Their waitress didn’t even seem surprised, extending a hand out for the plate, “Oh is it? I’m sorry about that, I’ll take it back straight away. Would you like something else instead?”

Elizabeth sniffed unhappily, nose going slightly up, “Well you might as well turn that salmon into a salad. It’s sheer incompetence tonight, I was in Italy for a year and I never tasted risotto so badly cooked before.”

Bucky only frowned around his second slice of garlic bread, shrinking down a little in his chair and trying to focus on his food while he watched the poor server take off towards the kitchen and eyes looked their way.

“Honestly, I should just stop coming here.”

Eyes going sarcastically wide as he cut into his ravioli with a butter knife and fork, Bucky made a small sound of agreement, “That may just be the best idea for you, I believe.”

Playing with her napkin and drinking the last of her cocktail, his date contemplated another glass, “The staff are probably going to argue that nothing’s wrong with my food, just you wait. I could feel that girl practically wanting to roll her eyes at me.”

Bucky made a noncommittal sound, blowing on his way too delicious ravioli so he could fit more of it in his mouth before he said something he’d regret if it went back to his mother. 

A vibrant salad with the salmon plated neatly on top came back to their table, resting delicately before Elizabeth and she looked happy again. Bucky mildly wondered if she only gave the plate back so that she could have more salad but he kept that to himself.

He only looked up when a hand rested on his, thumb lightly tracing the side of his hand with her smiling at him slow and open. Swallowing thickly, Bucky tried to smile back without cringing. 

“I’m sorry about all this, I wanted so badly for this to be a better date. Just with all these issues and I can’t just sit by, you know? Ever since we met at that party I’ve just been wanting to go out with you, one on one instead of just mingling around a room full of people. I’m sure the day will just get better once we get out of here.” 

Her smile immediately went flirtatious and hungry making Bucky sure that she wasn’t up for ending their date after their meal together. He resisted dropping his head down on the table and banging his forehead over and over again. Not sure of how to react, he slipped his hand away and chuckled lightly, pretending he needed that hand to fix his linen napkin. 

It was fine until her shoe brushed up playfully against the side of his leg under the table, Bucky inhaling bits of pasta down his windpipe and choking. He patted his chest a view times as he coughed loudly, quickly getting himself cleared up and taking a few sips of water, noting in relief that her foot escaped with the fiasco. 

“Are you alright there? The last thing I need is for you to keel over.”

This time he did roll his eyes, trying to sit back up properly in his chair, “Yeah, thank you for your concern.”

Thankfully her salad and salmon was good enough that she didn’t make another fuss, though she did grab one of the nearest servers as they passed by and scolded them about their own server, pressing the glass in the poor man’s hands and lecturing him like he had been the one to hire the girl tending to them. 

Bucky wished the floor would swallow him up, scraping up the last bits of meat sauce and cleaning off his plate. He excused himself a few minutes later pretending he had to go use the bathroom only to head to the kitchen and bar area and rifle a fifty out of his wallet. Approaching their waitress as she waited for food, he lightly tapped her on the shoulder and pressed the money into her hand once she turned his way.

She opened her mouth to speak, surprise across her face and Bucky shook his head, “It’s a blind date my mother set me up on, you don’t deserve that. I’m sorry for her, we’ll be out of your hair soon.” 

He backed up to leave only for her to grab his arm, giving him a grateful smile, “Thank you and I’m sorry for you too. I think I can end your date with something sweet at least since.. _you know_.”

Brows rose and Bucky was shaking his head, “You don’t have to.”

“I _want_ to. I know about moms and thinking they know just what you want. Give me a few minutes.”

Giving up, he only nodded and went back to his seat, Elizabeth on the phone and giving him a small quick smile before she went back to talking to whoever it was on the line. He slipped his phone out, seeing a few messages from Natasha suggesting ways he could get out of it without being offensive, one excuse in particular standing out to him and suddenly he sighed loudly, resting his phone on the table and acting like he had a dilemma. 

Her own finally put away, his date looked at him in curiosity, “Something wrong?” 

Waving his hand and sighing, Bucky started off as if he was contemplating his choices as he lifted his cell, “My friend, she’s a couple months pregnant and already craving things. Her boyfriend isn’t home yet, I may have to stop over there with some supplies.”

“Can’t she still do all that stuff by herself still? Well, I guess we could drop by and dump the stuff over.” Nose crinkling again and Bucky began to really hate that expression on her.

He felt his face flush red, tucking his hands onto his lap so that she didn’t see him balling them into fists, “Well, she’s not feeling up to it and I don’t mind helping. Might have to take a raincheck though because she needs her feet rubbed sometimes when she’s under the weather.” 

He wasn’t sure if the last bit would be believable when Natasha said it but the expression of disgust made Bucky almost laugh, Elizabeth nodding to him in near defeat.

“I guess you can’t do much if your friend needs to take advantage, on Valentine’s of all days too. You would think she’d have a little more consideration for your plans.” 

Before Bucky could even snip something out, their waitress arrived placing a dessert in front of Bucky and picking up Elizabeth’s half eaten plate, “Would you like this packed up or any dessert?”

“No on both, we would like the bill please.” 

Staring at how good his cake looked, Bucky finally looked up with a nod, “Yes, the bill would be great and thank you for reading my mind.” 

She gave him playful wink and a smile, “And thank you. Enjoy!”

Elizabeth stared at the decadent slice of chocolate cake resting before Bucky, a scoop of vanilla bean ice cream nestled beside it and softly melting. The moment he picked up his fork to help himself, she cleared her throat and he looked up in confusion. 

“You’re not really going to eat that are you? You had that whole plate of pasta with extra garlic bread and that spinach dip for two.”

Bucky wondered if he was in some twilight zone, his gaze dead set on hers like it was a challenge as he moved his fork and stabbed it into his cake, “Just watch me.”

*****

Reading over some details on his phone, Brock pressed his lips together in thought, lifting the hand his cell was in to his brow and scratching at it with the back of his thumb.

“Rawls.”

“Hm?” Jack let out with a book tucked under his arm and a beer in hand as he came out from the kitchen.

“Yer comin’ with me out fer dinner at that steakhouse we both like.”

Not even batting an eye, Jack dropped on the couch too fixated on looking for where he left off, “Kay..tomorrow?”

“No, today for Valentine’s.”

Jack paused, looking up and over his book, “..What?”

Brock pressed his lips together, almost determined just as he lifted a finger, “Now don’t act like you got places to go all you ever do is watch borin’ old movies after work like some fuckin’ hermit and since it’s Sunday you ain’t gotta do nothin’. Like now, you got your pajamas still on- ”

“ -They’re my _sweats_ , Brock.”

“ _Pajamas_!”

Sitting up straighter, book down on his thigh, Jack gestured at his friend in confusion, “And I’m any different from _you_? You’re either getting drunk at the bar and pick up someone or you come back home and call me to tell me about your day until you pass out.” He trailed off with a roll of his eyes, “Sometimes you fucking do both..”

“Okay that was one fuckin’ time and I said I was sorry!”

“Gave me a heart attack thinkin’ you were trying to proposition me for phone sex Brock.”

Brock threw up his hands, turning around in a full casual circle, “ _One_ fuckin’ time and the guy can’t let go of it..”

Eyeing him dubiously, Jack took a long swig from his bottle before setting it down on the table, picking his book back up and searching for where he left off, “Anyway, it’s gonna be full. No point going only to wait two hours for a seat. We can go another day.”

Brock was on the couch next to him in a flash, index finger jabbing him in the arm, “That’s the peach though! We don’t haveta. I got this call on my way home yesterday, said I won this dinner and movie thing on Valentine’s. I don’t remember enterin’ anythin’ like that but hey it’s a free meal and we love that place so I guess I filled out somethin’ back when.” He slapped his best friend in the arm, “Maybe they won’t be expectin’ the two of us but hell, no rules sayin’ we can’t right Jackie?”

Refraining from the loud epic sigh he wanted to release, he stared at Brock’s excited expression, eyes bright and eager while he grinned like the cat that got the cream. He could tell he had his heart set on him saying yes, pausing a moment.

_Bucky._

He forgot. _Shit._

His eyes trailed back to the pages, words ignored and barely visible, “You sure you don’t wanna take one of your floozies? Could be a treat.”

Brock barked out a laugh, “ _Fuck_ no. If you gotta call ‘em floozies there ain’t no point to takin’ ‘em to a dinner like that. Nah, yer comin’ with. Wanna spend it with you Jackie.”

“What about Buck?”

Rumlow pulled a face, “Even if I did ask him, he already said somethin’ about Rogers..so come on Jackie. Be my Valentine!”

Jack saw the shit eating grin when he turned his head, part of him wanted to hit him with the book but the other part, the more louder side of him wanted to press his face in and pull him close. He already regret giving in to Bucky so easily.

“Yeah okay Rums, okay. I’ll be your fucking Valentine.”

*****

Bucky softly whined, falling against Steve as he rested a hand lightly on his own tummy. Steve noticed Bucky looked a little pallid, turning his body in towards him so the brunette could tuck against his side wrapping an arm around his waist. There was another noise of disapproval even though Bucky rested his head happily against his shoulder.

“What’s wrong with your stomach?”

“Ate too much Stevie..”

A soft amused smile reached Steve’s lips, “I can see that. Was it good at least?”

He nudged Bucky’s hand away, hushing him when he made another protest the moment he was unbuttoning the last three buttons of Bucky’s shirt. He rested his hand directly over belly button and Bucky stirred between moving away and pushing his hand off to more complaining when he slowly stopped at the realization that Steve’s warm palm was soothing and he slid in closer to tuck his face away against his neck as he was resting his hand over Steve’s.

“I had spinach dip that was for two or three people and this five cheese ravioli dish with two pieces of garlic bread and a big slice of cake with a scoop of ice cream. She was criticizing me the moment I picked up my dessert fork so I got pretty petty about it and ate it like I was a man starving.”

Happiness filled Steve, nuzzling his face into brown hair, “I’m proud of you, you know that?”

“For being a petty fatass?”

“No. For standing up for yourself despite the fact that it was someone your ma wanted you to get along with. You didn’t let someone get off being an asshole to you and for that, good for you.”

He whimpered, “I tried to be nice but she was being a dick when I was using Natasha as an excuse and I know I shoulda expected it and Nat told me to say what I said but it was still rude as fuck. Now my tummy hurts.”

“It’ll be okay,” He rubbed the area lightly, “Do you want me to get you some antacid pills?”

“No,” Bucky fussed out, tensing a little, “Don’t leave, your hand is like a hot water bottle. I just want to stay like this for about an hour and digest, we have to go spy on those two idiots tonight.”

Steve smiled, curling Bucky tighter against his side, “So how did you manage that anyway? Convincing them to go out together?”

Letting his eyes close, Bucky smiled all proud of himself, “I told the steakhouse they frequent to call Brock and say he won a contest, dinner for two and movie tickets. I told them just to run a bill with my credit card. Jack already knows I was setting something up, if he didn’t he would have bowed out of it because he’s not a fan of Valentine’s and Brock..well you give him something for free, he’s probably going to take it.”

“How were you so sure he would ask Jack?”

Bucky snorted loudly, “Besides making sure everyone said they were busy, it’s the first person he would ask. I _know_ Brock. He would paint over the romantic dinner like it was a shitty burger joint and say what’s the point of wasting free food and act either like he didn’t care if Jack accepted or not or he would goad him into it knowing full well Jack will say yes. All he wants is to go with Jack. _Trust me_.” 

Steve reached over for the remote, switching through channels, “You’re a little devil, no one should trust you. Always up to no good.” 

Practically purring as he hummed, his hand patting the back of Steve’s, he rubbed his face against the softness of his best friend’s sweater and pulled his legs up to cross them on the couch, “And cute to boot.”

Well, Steve had nothing to say about that.

*****

While Steve had gone inside the nearby coffee shop to get their orders he watched Bucky jog past the door and he had to swallow down the heavy sigh he wanted to let out. Bucky was meddling, and while it was harmless he really had a horrible feeling about the idea of _Brock_ getting a whiff of it. Well mainly he worried about Brock pinning it on _him_. It was the last thing he needed.

Finally stepping back out into the bitter cold which he had no idea why he was in, Bucky was back with an armful of roses, pink cheeked and grinning to himself. There were more than a dozen in the neatly wrapped paper and cellophane, a mix of colors like a pastel rainbow with baby’s breath nestled around and Scott in tow with a heavy coat on and an untied apron lose and draping over his jeans and t-shirt grinning almost as wide as Bucky.

“Scott?”

Bucky looked Steve’s way, “You never told me your friend ran a flower shop!”

“I- ” Steve was a little baffled, he thought he was back in California.

Scott shook his head, laughing a little, “My family runs it, but it’s a busy week so I come by and help when I can.” 

Smiling to him excitedly, Steve could tell Bucky already shared plans with Scott as they were equally looking like they were up to no good, he could only hold up one of the hot chocolates, “Scott do you want one?”

“Yeah, thanks!” 

Bucky tilted his head as he looked at the bouquet, plucking out one of the nicer looking purple roses and holding it out for Steve, “This is for you Stevie, purple like that orchid you killed.”

Lang choked on his drink behind Bucky and failed at shooting chocolate out of his nose which, if Steve thought about it, was probably painful, his face burning a little as he took the rose, “I didn’t kill it. I already told you I left it on the window sill and _your_ dog knocked it off. I had nothing to do with its death.”

Smiling wider, Bucky shook his head like he didn’t believe a word he said, lightly poking his chest, “You two stay here.”

“Where are you g- ”

Bucky only left the both of them with too many roses in his arms and strips of white and red ribbon trailing behind him, speed walking straight into the restaurant Jack and Brock were in. He only turned when Scott suddenly elbowed his ribs with one sharp jab.

“You know what purple means, don’t you?”

Startled a moment, Steve looked back to Bucky, barely able to make out his silhouette in the dimly lit restaurant chatting up the host by the doors, the glass too tinted to really tell what was going on but Bucky was handing the roses over and retrieving his wallet even though the man looked like he was waving his hand to stop him but he could tell Bucky didn’t much listen to those things, and he folded a bill into the man’s front pocket before twirling around and was walking out again. 

“Uh, doesn’t it mean admiration like the orchid?”

He got another elbow and Steve almost elbowed him back, hard.

“ _No_. Those meanings are for orchids, for roses it means love at first sight.”

Steve suddenly looked away from Bucky approaching, his eyes trailing down to the one lone perfect looking purple rose, tongue darting out to lick his lips as he glanced over at Scott’s smirking face, “Really?”

Scott was eating it up, “ _Really_.”

*****

It was the first time Jack noticed the steakhouse they frequented had buttery soft table linens with their cutlery rolled inside of it and wrapped with Burgundy colored paper bands as seals around their middles set on small plates beside wine glasses.

He didn’t even notice the lighting was so dim that it set itself up for intimate dining complete with one lone tea candle in the middle of the lacquered table on a bed of soft brown pebbles sitting in a tiny holder. The look was clean and not overbearing, lights low over head; the tables and chairs, even the booths were a rich dark chocolate that went with the wood paneling and stone walls. It was set that way on purpose and Jack swallowed thickly, feeling his hands getting sweaty. 

“Jack? What’re you lookin’ at?” 

Rollins lifted his head, Brock already seated and the hostess politely waiting for him to sit with menus in hand. “Nothing, just looking at the table.”

He sat himself down across from his friend, taking one of the menus when it was offered to him, “Thank you.” 

Jack was nervous, he was trying to really look at this evening out as just a dinner but Brock looked handsome. He dressed up for the night in a nice black shirt with a couple of buttons undone at the top and black dress pants that were just tight enough to hug around his legs in just the right way. It was different from when they would come here in gym clothes, casual outfits or a mishmash of Brock in his after work sweats and Jack in his business casual attire. 

Bucky ordered him to wear the lightweight grey v-neck sweater he had gotten during their Christmas shopping escapade that he pulled on over a crisp white dress shirt and some dark blue boot cut jeans. He had to admit, they actually both looked swell, he just couldn’t shake the idea that he was seeing this as more and it wasn’t fair to Brock since all his best friend wanted was a free steak and didn’t really give a shit from how he got it. Their hostess was double checking something when his phone went off.

_**Bucky:**_ Tell him you think he looks insanely hot in that shirt. 

He may have snuck a picture of Brock to Bucky just because he felt like sharing his opinion to the one person who set it up, not that regret was now showing its ugly face.

_**Jack:**_ That won’t be happening. 

_**Bucky:**_ He has no idea how good he looks, what’s a friend if you aren’t complimenting them and boosting their morale?

_**Jack:**_ He knows how good he looks, he’s all over his hair he would know.

_**Bucky:**_ How many times is he fawning over how good you look in something? Reciprocate!

_**Bucky:**_ Okay just say, “That shirt looks nice on you and I like how you look in it.” 

_**Bucky:**_ Then say, “But it looks better on my floor.”

_**Bucky:**_ Ignore the last message, that was Scott. 

_**Jack:**_ He knows he looks good in it. 

_**Bucky:**_ JUST SAY IT! 

Jack found it would be easier to just compliment Brock than keep fighting all evening with Bucky and whoever Scott was. He wasn’t even sure why he couldn’t just lie and say he did it, but then for all he knew Bucky had a spy in the restaurant somewhere and would rat him out the moment he did lie.

Clearing his throat, he sat up straighter, “Brock.”

Copper brown eyes glanced up from their menu and the candlelight was doing some weird hocus pocus crap where they were reflecting in them and Rollins swallowed thickly.

He gestured vaguely at Brock’s chest, “Your shirt, it’s nice..I mean you look nice in it.” 

Jack swore Brock looked a little taken aback and he wondered if he said the wrong thing, too late to take it back. Even under tanned skin he could see his cheeks pink lightly, features looking lost a moment as lips pressed together and then relaxed again. “Thanks Jackie. You ain’t lookin’ bad yourself.” 

That wasn’t so terrible Jack concluded as he glanced back down at his menu again. He swore Brock sounded completely caught off guard about the compliment but only assumed his best friend didn’t really think all that much about the shirt in the first place.

Their hostess came back and smiled warmly at the pair of them, “Please take your time and look over your menus, Katherine will be joining you soon and she’ll be your server for the evening. Congratulations once again and I hope you both enjoy yourselves tonight! Also feel free to wave down anyone if you have any questions and we’ll also send Kat along with a complimentary bottle of our delicious house wine to go with your dinner.” 

She gestured to the menu, opening up Brock’s for him to point out a sheet attached to the first page of the menu, “That is our Valentine’s five course dinner if you’re both interested in that or you could peruse the regular menu as well. Enjoy!”

The both of them murmured a thank you, Brock watching the woman as she disappeared from earshot and leaned forward along the table a little, “Fancy. Ain’t never had ‘em talk like that to us before.” 

Swallowing thickly, Jack shrugged, “I suppose because it was a contest and they wanna go all out.” 

Brock thought about it, finally making a satisfied noise before looking back down at his menu.

Jack scanned the Valentine’s meal choices only to find a couple of choices were supposed to be _shared_ and he was already feeling overwhelmed being put in a romantic setting on what was questionably a romantic date with the one person Jack wanted to be with romantically. 

This was a trainwreck waiting to happen.

*****

Bucky was ordering a few desserts and a round of hot drink orders with an extra one that he still didn’t know who it was for when he came back and stopped when he found Sam and Scott sitting on the bench, his brows went up, “So this extra was for Sam huh?”

He walked over, passing out two coffees to the pair and Steve shrugged helplessly.

“I told Sam we what we were doing because he was asking about what I was up to for Valentine’s, suddenly he said he wanted to check it out since his blind date canceled on him and he was bored at home.” 

“Hey, the more the merrier!” Scott yelled out, giving Sam a high five. 

“So,” Sam let out as he rubbed his hands together, “What’s been going on?” 

Grinning wide, Bucky pointed towards the restaurant, “About ten minutes ago I dropped off a mess of roses so the manager can give them to Brock, care of Jack.” 

Sam’s eyes went wide, “Is that going to be alright? I mean we know they’re best friends but..” 

Waving him off, Bucky nodded as he practically vibrated in excitement to catch Brock’s reaction. Steve was on the same page of concern as Sam was. Scott seemed to be just as excited as Bucky though, both checking their watches and quietly discussing where the best view would be to see when the time was right as they sipped from their take away cups. 

Bucky wrapped himself around Steve’s arm, bouncing a little from foot to foot as they plotted and Steve could only smile, pressing a kiss into the side of his hair and letting himself linger there a few seconds. He wasn’t really thinking about the gesture, like it was natural and at his apartment together, it wasn’t like Bucky hated him doing it. Only, when he drew back, Sam and Scott’s expressions had a fond softness to them even if Scott was obviously trying not to make exaggerated hand gestures at him and celebrate over how cute he thought it all was. He was actually appreciative of Scott not throwing himself into some sort of fangirl moment, he adored the guy but no, definitely not what was needed.

*****

Their server did indeed come by with a bottle of red wine and Brock started into it immediately, Katherine being so accommodating as to encouraging it and whispering to Brock that she could probably wrangle her managers to get them a second bottle since she knew they were also frequent patrons. Jack tried not to roll his eyes because all he needed was for Brock to be two bottles in and drunk. Hell he could probably get him with one bottle, maybe less. Brock was amazingly good at getting white girl wasted no matter how much of an intolerance he could possibly have built up in his lifetime but Jack definitely wasn’t in the mood to sling him over his shoulder tonight..well maybe for one reason but that wasn’t going to happen.

It was through the appetizers while Jack had been buttering up a piece of bread that he caught sight of one of the managers coming around a corner from the front holding an armful of colored roses, at least three dozen by his count, wrapped up in a perfect bouquet and he sank a little in his seat hoping to God the guy wasn’t coming their way.

_He was._

“Mr. Rumlow?”

_Oh God._

Jack watched in horror as Brock looked up, swallowing the garlic prawn he was chewing on while at the same time his eyes went wide at the mess of a rainbow rose garden in the man’s arms. 

“These are a special gift, compliments of Mr. Rollins which is,” The male looked his way and Jack felt his face burning, “You sir, am I correct? Such a wonderful choice of arrangement, very romantic.”

Jack’s eyes slowly slid closed wondering if he could wake himself up from this nightmare, he had to dig his fingers into his thigh to stop himself from slapping a hand against his face. He was going to murder Bucky, or at least refuse to talk to him for a week..well maybe a couple days. A couple days would suffice. Dammit.

“Hey! Wouldja look at that!” Brock exclaimed, taking the abundance of roses in cellophane and ribbon, hugging them to himself like he was cradling a baby. 

Jack took a peek and saw him taking in the scent of them with a stupid crooked grin before he handed them back to the manager, “Could ya hold ‘em?”

“It would be our pleasure.”

Jack silently watched the man go before he dared to look at Brock again, watching him smiling way too wide, “Brock, I- ”

“ -Look Jackie, I know you said you don’t do this Valentine’s crap but that was real nice of ya, even if it ain’t your thing.” He smirked, “Thanks.”

Rubbing a hand over his mouth, Rollins casually looked around for a film crew or some sign he was being set up for something, taking a nervous breath before he looked back at his best friend shaking his head in awe of the gift still and going back to his appetizer. Brock genuinely was pleased and he wondered if he was in the Twilight Zone.

“Um, you’re welcome. It was last minute you know..didn’t know,” He sucked in a small breath of air, still in disbelief, “If you’d like ‘em, you know because they’re roses and it’s Valentine’s and all that..”

Looking up in surprise, Brock’s brows rose slightly, “Like ‘em? I love ‘em Jackie. Anythin’ from you. You gotta relax, so uptight about damn _flowers_ like I woulda up and left because you gave me some.”

Letting himself relax, Jack rested his arms on the table and forced a smile, “Good. Great, I’m glad you love them. Excellent.”

Brock looked absolutely delighted while Jack made some flimsy excuse to get his phone out and he sent Bucky a text saying he might be thinking about murdering him. Slipping his cell back into his pocket, he tried to settle down even if he was on the verge of throwing up.

*****

Steve stayed on the park bench nearby, he was cold and his second hot chocolate from Bucky's run was becoming lukewarm. Sam arrived from his run with two to-go cups and dropped down beside him, holding one out and Steve didn’t even ask, dropping his half cold drink into the trash in favor or his hotter option. At least the coffee place was amused by their repeated visits and their wallets.

“My hero.” 

Sam chuckled, tilting his head over towards Bucky and Scott hiding between hedges, peeking over a stone wall that had the best view of Jack and Brock’s dining experience. “Any updates?”

“I can’t believe I’m spending Valentine’s freezing my butt off so Bucky can spy on setting up his two best friends. One of which threatens me with bodily harm even when I’m not in the vicinity, I know he does, I can feel it. He just thinks about it and I get that tingle sensation.”

Scoffing at him, Sam sipped at his coffee and gave him a casual shrug, “That’s not an update by the way and my date canceled so at least you get to hang out with your love interest. Besides, I thought this would be fun in a completely curious and scientific sort of way. Quit being a sourpuss, he’s having fun and so’s Scott I see.”

“Yeah,” Steve looked their way, “Scott’s having more fun than I am. He and Bucky are getting along with plotting things like a house on fire.” 

“Don’t tell me you’re jealous Steve.”

“I’m _not_. It’s just that Valentine’s is special, I was hoping..” He gestured absently with his hand, “ _You know_.” 

Sam grinned at him, “That you got some alone time with Vanilla Ice and not outside in the cold?” 

“Yeah, I mean I’m all up for what Bucky wants but I was thinking hot chocolate and blankets and movies. Not making sure he doesn’t fall into a garbage dumpster and hurt himself or get arrested for being mistaken for a stalker.”

All Sam could do was laugh for a good few minutes falling against Steve’s arm as he did. He quieted down when Bucky and Scott seemed to catch something, grinning like a pair of children and Bucky waving his phone towards Scott to look at it. The both of them both started laughing after reading the message and were definitely getting along like a house on fire, which would be great on any other night but, he glanced over at Steve making that goofy lovey dovey expression again and Sam couldn’t help fondly smile..he had to get Lang away soon, it _was_ Valentine's day.

*****

_**Bucky:**_ Rub the edge of your shoe against his, keep eye contact as you run it up his ankle.

_**Bucky:**_ Put your hand on his thigh.

_**Jack:**_ Stop it. I’m going to turn my phone off.

_**Bucky:**_ You’re terrible at seducing you know that? :)

Jack lifted his eyes off his phone and glanced up at Brock’s empty seat before he perked up and looked around towards the large floor to ceiling windows trying to make out anything outside even though it was dark as shit and they were tinted a little. He went back to his phone.

_**Jack:**_ Are you _spying_ on us?!

Desserts arrived and they had both opted for simple and straight forward lava cakes with scoops of vanilla ice cream, the only difference was that they were red velvet today which they could settle for despite how romantic and nice they did look set down on the table.

_**Bucky:**_ That looks good, can I have some???

Rollins contemplated giving the windows the finger but he didn’t wanna look insane or have Brock catch him when he came back. Instead he sent Bucky an angry emoticon reply back and put his phone away, Brock dropping back in his seat and smiling at his dessert. Jack hated how nice he looked holding that expression so much today, it almost made him wish they never had to end the night.

“Looks good.” 

Nodding in agreement, now paranoid about Bucky’s eyes on them, Jack nervously swallowed as he picked up his spoon and took a bit of cake and ice cream. It was actually more than good, delicious even, eyes glancing up see what Brock thought just to catch him already staring at him. Neither of them looked away, spoons in mouth and Brock’s brows went up as Jack cleared his throat impulsively, chewing and swallowing before he licked his lips and gestured to the dessert. 

“It’s really tasty, should have this all the time.” 

Brock grinned, “Right? Exactly what I was thinkin’ Jackie.” 

Rollins avoided trying to think too long about the way Brock licked his spoon before he was diving in for another bite. He ducked his eyes and went back to his own dessert in silence, halfway through it his phone made a noise again and he glanced up to Brock looking at him expectantly.

“Not getting that?”

“It’s probably Buck, he’s been randomly texting me.”

Brock looked on curiously, “Well, what he say?”

Sighing lightly, Jack retrieved his phone only to see a picture of himself looking stupidly dopey as he stared at Brock eating. Underneath it was the caption _‘gay’_. Before he could roll his eyes and put it away, the phone chimed again.

_**Bucky:**_ Ask him for coffee or tea, you got time. 

Despite being watched, it wasn’t a bad idea. He chuckled as he wiggled the phone before putting it away, “Buck was getting a coffee and saw a dog.” 

Laughing fondly, Brock rolled his eyes, “That kid and dogs, I swear. Remember that mutt you kept givin’ scraps to at your parents house? Buck kept makin’ excuses to come by just so he could see ‘im.”

“I remember, he was trying not to cry when we found his owners a few days later and they came to pick him up. I think he figured I would adopt him if no one spoke up.”

Brock squinted, pointing his spoon in his direction, “Don’t act like ya wouldn’t have, I know you brought ‘im inside when it was rainin’ bad, dog prints all over the kitchen linoleum the day after. Your momma woulda boxed yer damn ears if she saw it.” 

Laughing, Jack couldn’t disagree, shaking his head a little, “She woulda made me mop the whole kitchen too.” He nudged the drinks menu when he saw Brock’s empty wine glass, “You want another? Coffee maybe?” 

Seated back in his chair, relaxed and looking insanely happy, Rumlow smiled wider as he shook his head, “Nah, but I’ll take that last bit of dessert if you ain’t eatin’ it.” 

Picking up the dessert plate, Jack set it beside Brock’s empty one, “Be my guest.” 

After it was all said and done, both Jack and Brock rifling through wallets to tip the wait staff and Brock purchasing a couple bottles of wine, it wasn’t so bad. Sure Jack had that small tug and pull in his chest he was well associated with but as per usual he brushed it off, ignoring it. 

All that really mattered was that dinner went off without a hitch and Brock was being exceptionally _sweet_. Jack assumed it was the actual day that did that to him because of course Brock could be like that on a normal basis but Rollins knew when he could be and when he couldn’t. His best friend also didn’t have the best routes of being complimentary and kind, instinctively blurting out what he thought despite other’s feelings mattering or not..loving a mess of roses like he did was truly out of character.

Rollins picked up the two boxed bottles of wine that the restaurant had placed in a bag for them and headed out as Brock walked one step ahead of him looking like Miss America with all the ribbon and colors. He wasn’t even afraid of being caught with them in his arms outside, not that Jack thought he would be scared it was just _weird_ to say the least, like he was _proud_ of them and that was so..not Brock.

Pushing it out of his mind, Jack tried to focus on how their evening was progressing because it really was what mattered, if he was going to do this he would do it without getting into fights or arguments and tainting the day. He took a quick peek around to see if he could catch Bucky but he saw no one about and he went on to send the brunette a text about heading to the movies and that he could quit sending him tips on how to seduce Brock because his phone would be on silent. 

_**Bucky:**_ At the movies, put your hand on his thigh and slide it up, make sure he’s holding the popcorn if you do in case he’s not in the mood. Have fun!

Cringing, Jack turned his phone off completely, shaking his head and hoping Bucky saw him do it from wherever he was hiding. Near the parking lot there was a churro truck parked just at the street curb and Jack nudged his elbow against Brock’s arm knowing there was a fan of them right next to him, “Want one?”

*****

“ _Ohhh_!” Bucky gushed out adorably, enamored as he clutched his fists to his chest, twirling around and smacking himself right into Steve’s chest. His arms shot out and around his neck as he moved his head towards the food truck operating nearby, “Jack’s buying him a thing of _churros_ , that’s so cute!”

Scott squinted at the vehicle, “Is it with the chocolate sauce for dipping because if it is..”

“It is!” Bucky squealed, trying to keep his voice down so it didn’t carry out but also gleefully running towards Lang, the both of them grasping hands and hopping about in circles like excitable teenaged girls. 

Steve sighed as he glanced at Sam, who could only chuckle, and shook his head.

“Well, I think we’re just about done here.” Sam let out once their targets were in Brock’s Impala and they were out of the parking lot, dropping his cup into the trash nearby watching the red lights on the back of the car until it disappeared down a street.

Bucky and Scott immediately had fallen expressions across their faces and Sam waved a hand at them to stop it, “Now look, unless we pay for movie tickets and sit behind them or something for two hours, I really don’t think it’s worth it to crash on their little Valentine’s thing. Bucky you did what you planned to do, you got them to go out together, Brock seems to really _love_ the roses, they had a nice dinner, they even got churros! Which is really sweet by the way and now they’re going to see a movie together. Let them relax and get the magic going, who knows maybe Jack will finally tell him, maybe he won’t. There’s a few hours of Valentine’s left, I want to crawl into a warm bed with a hot cup of cocoa and watch the Princess Bride and before any of you sass mouths say _anything_. Please remember how much of a nice person I am right now but I could be a very mean one too.”

Bucky giggled, fingers reaching his mouth just as Sam shot him a look and they both stepped in for a hug, “I like that movie too Sam, I couldn’t mock you for it. Have a good night.”

“You too Vanilla Ice.”

Of course Steve had nothing to say either, giving Sam a hug as well, “I’ll see to you tomorrow.”

“Seven fifteen?”

The blond nodded, “Like clockwork.”

Sam pointed at him, “You better.”

Scott stood around last, playing at looking shy and little, “So, Sam..any space at your place to watch it together because I have nothing better to do tonight.”

Rolling his eyes, Sam huffed out a loud deliberate sigh before slinging his arm around Lang’s shoulders, “Come on, mi casa es su casa. Bye guys!”

Bucky and Steve both waved at them, Scott throwing a wave over his shoulder as he and Sam began talking about the movie while they headed for Sam’s SUV.

Steve turned his head to glance at Bucky, putting his elbow out, “Well Mr. Barnes, it’s just you and I left.”

Slipping his arm around Steve’s, Bucky smiled at him, “It does indeed look that way Mr. Rogers. What do you propose we do about that?”

Looking up at the sky, Steve was surprised at how clear it was tonight, tilting his head towards his bike, “I got an idea but first let’s get back home and get something to eat, we can take Nanook with us.”

*****

Nanook’s leash wrapped around Bucky’s mittened hand and around his wrist as the dog walked alongside him looking this way and that through a thick ground of snow, sniffing into it at various times and trying to bury into it. Bundled up tighter than earlier, he buried his face in the thick scarf as they walked, one arm linked with Steve’s.

“Cold?”

Glancing over, Bucky shook his head, “I just like the scarf over my face, trying to be all mysterious.”

Steve chuckled as he took another sip from his travel mug, “Not too far now, we just have to cut through this park.” 

“Okay.” Bucky let out, smiling faintly.

He pulled away to unclip the leash and pick up a stick that was jutting out from the snow. Immediately Nanook was excited, pressing from one front paw to the other, ready and alert. Throwing it as far as he could, the malamute took off in a flash for it and Bucky grinned.

“He’s gonna hate it when it’s warm.”

Bucky looked over to see Steve watching Nanook thrash through the snow for his stick, smiling affectionately. Bucky reached over and took Steve’s hand feeling fingers squeeze back, “We can give him ice baths to play in.” 

“I feel like a parent.” 

“You are, of a dog.” 

Steve raised his brows, smiling at Bucky just as Nanook came happily bouncing back towards them. He didn’t say anything, taking the stick this time so he could try his hand at throwing it as far off as he could, watching the canine bolt for it. 

Eventually they made it around to a smaller ice rink, only lightly filled with couples and teenagers up late as well some dogs and Bucky had to roll his eyes.

“Steve, do you want me to die?”

He grinned, watching the few handfuls of people, steering Bucky towards the small ticket booth, “You’ll be fine. Nanook will be with you and I refuse to believe you’re a skateboarder but not an ice skater. You’re just being stubborn.”

Bucky hit his arm, “You’re being stubborn, not me!” 

Steve ignored him, smiling to the girl taking payments as he held out a ten dollar bill and paid for the both of them. She stamped Steve’s hand before Bucky begrudgingly tugged his mitten off to get his.

“We’re only open until eleven tonight instead of midnight so just keep an eye on the time, we’ll do a last call type of thing five minutes prior. Your dog is allowed to be off his leash but if he starts being disruptive we will have to ask you to leash him.”

Bucky nodded, glancing down at Nanook watching the woman before looking towards Bucky and tilting his head back for a chin scratch. 

The lady smiled as she pointed to the shed sized little house beside a couple rows of benches, “You can rent skates there if you don’t have your own.”

“Thank you.”

Pouting, Bucky followed Steve along, “I’m going to fall again Stevie..”

“You won’t. I’ll be with you and this rink is smaller than that one beside the shopping center.” 

“You said you would be with me last time and I had that sweet little girl save me.”

Rolling his eyes, Steve gently led Bucky to the front of the window, “Tell the nice man your size while I pay him.”

Bucky gave him a frown, Nanook hopping up on back legs to press his paws against the jutting counter and see what Bucky was seeing.

“See? Nook’s excited about skates.”

“I hate you.”

Laced up and fully pouting, Bucky wobbled his way to the ice, resting a hand on the wall boards warily, his other hand holding on to Steve’s arm with an iron grip. 

His friend suddenly paused and got him to stop as he rummaged into his inside pocket, “Here Buck, before I accidentally forget and it goes past midnight.”

Watching Steve pull out a soft packet wrapped in blue gift wrap and a simple gold ribbon, Bucky examined the present curiously, “What is it?”

“The point is to open it, not ask me.”

Frowning again, Bucky pressed his hip against the half wall and carefully opened it, getting one side uncovered before his face softened, large dopey grin appearing before falling away and a quiet reservation took over instead.

“Oh, my God,” He pulled out a pair of socks, ones that were of sharks that looked like that were eating up the feet of the person wearing them. He looked over at Steve, then back to the socks as Steve wasn’t sure what all that meant. Unfolding them gently Brock really got to examine them, fingers lightly brushing over the fuzzy softness, “You got me shark socks.”

Starting to feel a little nervous for the first time since he bought them, Steve nodded to him, “Yeah, I know I got you the roses which were half traditional, half unconventional and that part of you kept sticking to me. So for good measure I got you the socks, I just saw them sitting in a store window and they definitely screamed Bucky.”

Letting out a surprised laugh, Bucky nodded as he looked them over again before folding the socks back to how they were and wrapping the paper around them, “They are me, I love them so much. I actually saw them before but never bought them so thank you Steve.” 

Pleased, Steve relaxed his shoulders and Bucky pressed the package into his pocket, patting it for good measure. He reached forward and hugged him tightly, “Really, thank you for that.” 

“You had me worried for a second.” Steve gestured towards the ice, “Shall we?”

Bucky smiled, he was still nervous but because he was afraid of opening himself up to gifting Steve a Valentine’s only to be rejected, he turned into a coward and didn’t try whereas Steve did. He could at least _attempt_ to get back on the ice. He slipped his hand in Steve’s and they returned back on the same page, Nanook following carefully as Steve gave his hand a comforting squeeze before turning and stepping on the ice backwards. Before Bucky toed experimentally at the frozen water, Steve gave him a comforting smile, bringing his hand up to kiss his knuckles. 

“I’ll be right beside you, I promise.”

The obvious blush passing over the brunette’s face was hardly disguisable and Steve only felt more emboldened, as he led Bucky out, both hands wrapping firmly around lightly trembling forearms, Bucky’s own hands gripping Steve’s arms as fear washed over his face.

Nanook sniffed at the ice, testing one paw after the other before he eagerly walked onto it, the curiosity was only temporary as he walked beside Bucky, eyes trained on him and alert. A soft whistle sound from Nook’s breathing kept Steve aware of where they were at with Bucky’s escalating panic. He lightly nodded to him as skates began to maneuver carefully, slow and steady outwards, legs too shaky and long to really have a sturdy balance but Bucky was trying.

“You’re doing fine, I won’t let you go unless you want me- ”

“No!” Bucky snapped out in a panic, eyes widening.

“Shh, only if you wanted me to. Okay?”

Warily nodding to him, Bucky carefully tried to remember what he had been taught, the lesson muddled in his head as his eyes dropped down to stare at his skates. He tried to remember the sensation of the ice, get the feel of it against his skates but it just seemed so foreign and wrong. It took him almost ten minutes to even ease his shoulders, the back of his neck feeling knotted. 

“You’re doing fine Buck, remember, back and forth, get used to the inside edges of your skate.”

“This isn’t a nice Valentine’s thing Stevie, I’m wrecking it.”

Steve chuckled as Bucky went back to watching his feet, skates more curious now as he moved them inwards back and forth, gripping the ice better and making Steve grin at the progress Bucky was making. He took cues from Nanook who followed along and was less intense about his gaze on his owner, keeping as close to Bucky as he possibly could without touching him because he seemed to know it would have been a bad idea to. 

They had slowly made it out into the middle of the ice with everyone else too far away to get in their way and Bucky was oddly not afraid of falling right then, his grip loose but watching Steve carefully, soundlessly warning him not to do anything that may be startling. Nook moved off and away, only a couple feet to look around and lick at the ice, sniffing along the surface before coming back and moving around the pair of them. 

Taking in the moment himself, Bucky peered around, his head tilting back to enjoy the clear black sky. His legs had stopped moving like a newborn giraffe and were steady and tall. Steve smiled as he kept himself as a sturdy post carefully maneuvering his arm up to cup Bucky’s face gingerly, “You wanna be my Valentine for the next,” He checked his watch, “..hour and forty five minutes?”

The red swept across Bucky’s neck as he dropped his head back down, the blush dusting across his scrunched nose and ran along the tips of his ears, “Yes.”

Steve raised his brows, a little surprised although he probably shouldn’t have been, “Yes?”

Nodding to him, Bucky smiled, “Yes. I would like that, very much.”

Not being able to stop the ridiculous grin across his face, imploring with his brows, “Let me take you around?” 

“On the ice?” Bucky let out, confused.

Steve nodded as he slid his hands to take Bucky’s, assuring to him as he moved back and away from him but just in arms reach and Bucky immediately panicked, trying to tear away from his friend’s hold to wave his arms around and get a balance. 

Steve hushed him, “Trust me.”

Worried and scared, Bucky eyed him carefully, locking his hands around Steve’s forearms again as he did the same, Steve letting his legs carry him as he easily glided backwards along the surface without a second thought as he pulled Bucky along with him.

“Just remember, inside edges..” 

Bucky nodded, trying to go from watching Steve’s face to his feet, then back up again, occasionally smiling warily to Nanook walking alongside and keeping him from going into a full blown panic, heterochromic eyes locked on him at all times like he was assuring him it would be alright. 

“Going around a bend.” Steve warned as he took a lazy, sweeping curse alongside the boards, smooth and fluid as Bucky tightened his hold and fingers dug into Steve’s flesh. He smiled at the brunette, pleased and relaxed, “You’re doing fine Buck.” 

Even with the amount of people, Steve still felt like it was just him, Bucky and Nanook out there. The occasional high pitched laughter or shriek didn’t phase him or his company, more in tune with the sound of skates slicing gently into ice, his own head mindful of the speed and the clean crisp air heavy around them. There was something so simple about skating around on the ice Steve felt so in tune with, like whenever Bucky gave himself time to go swimming. He had seen him that last time despite their clowning around, when Bucky would actually lose his expression of making sure his guest had everything he needed and just swam, concentrated but thoughtful lines had disappeared. He was relaxed and at ease in the water, like how he fell asleep in baths with or without the water. If he wasn’t completely sure, he would have thought maybe Bucky was some sort of mermaid.

He chuckled to himself, grey stormy eyes catching his with brows shooting up and Steve shook his head, “Just in a happy mood.” 

Bucky smiled, looking less downwards at his feet and dog and more at Steve, “Me too, well sort of. Still have some trepidation going on.” 

“Do you wanna do some laps around the ice, go a little faster? Have some fun?”

“Your meaning of fun is different from mine but,” Bucky chewed at his lip unsure but nodding, “Yes okay, if you hold me like last time.”

“That close huh?”

Looking determined, face tight and serious, Bucky gave him a curt nod and Steve’s grin widened, pulling Bucky against his chest as he slowed for the brunette to adjust, arms wrapping around Steve’s neck.

“Didn’t know you liked me this close..on the ice I mean.”

Faces inches from Steve’s, Bucky smirked, “You’re my Valentine, you should know better. Now skate.” 

Hands starting at Bucky’s hips, Steve pushed off one foot and began backwards as he slowly pushed to pick up momentum, only covering the far end of the rink where at the moment no one was really occupying it. His hands traveled up sides and Bucky’s mouth twitched as he pressed himself closer, nose brushing Steve’s cheek just before he tucked his face in.

“Don’t let me go.”

Mouth curving up, Steve moved his arms to wrap around Bucky’s waist, keeping him firmly against his body, “I don’t ever want to.” 

It was like that with Steve, Nanook running around the pair of them and Bucky occasionally catching the canine sliding and falling forward on the ice before righting himself up and doing it again or rolling around on his back happily. Steve wasn’t going as fast as he did last time which he was grateful for but then again being protected in his strong arms kind of saved him from really worrying about them having an accident. 

They both startled when an air horn blared out from the rental hut and the lady they had first met loudly informed everyone of there being five minutes left. Despite the bottom of his feet feeling a little off and sore for being on skates when he wasn’t used to it, he felt himself pout as Steve slowed himself to a stop and loosened his hold next to the boards. 

“Looks like someone doesn’t want it to end.”

Bucky rested his hand on the half wall and shrugged, trying his best to look nonchalant even if he was afraid of being there without Steve holding him, “Well it’s different when I got you to absorb any crash impact. That and once again you didn’t teach me how to properly skate.”

Face shifting to mock surprise, Steve shook his head, “No, you can’t blame me this time. You wanted me to take you around!” 

Bucky was grinning until he shifted his weight and his left skate cut out in a weird angle he wasn’t prepared for, foot shooting forward from under him too fast to catch and brace himself. He heard his name slice into the air just seconds before his butt hit the ice as did his entire upper right arm, pain jolting through all the way down to his elbow.

“Owie.” He let out before he could even register the pain, pressing his arm against his chest and curling up, his hand protecting the joint fiercely as Steve dropped down beside him on his knees trying to pull at it.

“Buck, let me see it.”

“No! It hurts, stop!” A soft whine escaped him, face falling.

Steve bit back a smile, fingers wrapping loosely around his upper arm slow and careful before he gave it another tug, his other hand gently slipping Bucky’s coat off his shoulder.

“You need to let me see it Buck, how about just your elbow huh? Nowhere else hurting?” His voice was soft, meeting glassy greys peeking out at him. “Please?”

Bucky relented, nodding and allowing an examination of his elbow, fingers prodding gingerly at the angry red and he sucked in a sharp breath, jerkily trying to pull away even though Steve was keeping a hold of his wrist anticipating it.

“Hurts..” He repeated, this time quiet and low, head bowed away as he watched between scrunched shoulders.

“Shh, I know. Good news is that it looks like you just hit it hard and we just need to ice it when we get back.” 

Bucky watched as Steve leaned forward and gave it a kiss before helping put his coat back on. They caught eyes and the blond smiled at him.

“Gotta take care of my Valentine, don’t I?”

Bucky didn’t answer, ducking his head away shyly as Nanook licked his cheek when Steve finished up.

*****

The winter chill had sunk into their bones as they walked back home and there was a silent welcomed relief between the pair of them when the warmth of Steve’s apartment had awaited their arrival, both soaking it in as they were removing their coats.

“I forgot to say thank you for your card, but I didn’t want to bring it up while I was having a crisis on the ice.”

“What card?” Steve didn’t remember giving Bucky any cards, face screwing up a little.

Bucky pulled out his wallet, tugging out a small tiny message card that apparently came with the roses, the thick paper a little creased from being carried around and the pale blue letters at the front announcing “To My Love” in swirly loops. 

_Oh._ Steve really wasn’t paying attention at that point in the call. He vaguely remembered glaring at the flowers on Sam’s laptop and making sure they were the exact same flowers as advertised. By the time they got to the card, Steve was too focused on his goal finally being completed that when the girl asked what message he would want he said he didn’t know. He then remembered being asked to describe how he felt about Bucky and.. _dammit_.

Before he could comment on it, actually more like profusely apologize, Bucky lightly held Steve’s chin with a thumb and forefinger giving it a small tug before he pressed a kiss against his cheek. He drew back and stared at him, seeking out something in his eyes and Steve could feel the brush of breath against his own lips. “Thank you for the flowers.” 

“Y-you’re welcome,” The words played through his mind, wavering and a little weird, his hand flexing as it had found itself against Bucky’s hip and the brunette responded in time to it, shifting just a fraction closer into his space. Steve sucked in a breath, leveled and slow, “I’m not good with words sometimes, even if I don’t give that impression. You just..you..she put the wrong card in but- ”

“I know, it’s still nice.”

Breathing lowly, Steve nodded absently as he stared into those eyes, “I- Good, good because..”

Bucky’s hands rested deft and light at Steve’s sides, barely grazing along the soft material of his Henley before long fingers eventually moved in to grasp around fabric, the pull reserved, “Dance with me?” 

It was an undeniable request, a sense of familiar memory of sorts between them already. Steve knew that. They understood each other in a way that was intimate without them yet being really physical like it was something built into them, deep within muscle and bone, and Steve felt it in their souls. He didn’t know what Bucky was thinking, Bucky who didn’t believe in soulmates but looked fondly at the stars for answers and praise. He smiled for the moon and shared secrets with her. He wasn’t sure if Bucky would ever believe in a predetermined path where they had been shaped and formed for each other but he knew he was drawn in so deep just as much as Steve was. Just like their bodies needed to be together, it always ended with a dance of some sort trying not to give themselves away too much. 

Steve rested his forehead against Bucky’s, moving his hands under the ends of his shirt to rub against his skin, a hot rush of exhale washing over him and he could only hold Bucky close in his own slow sighs. Bucky pulled in a little more with the hand that appeared against the back of Steve’s neck and he only followed the gesture brushing his nose along Bucky’s cheek before he buried his face into hair, a hand pressing at the small of Bucky’s back feeling his skin through his shirt. Steve took a hand in his, not that much smaller but they were more slender and fit perfect against his in its own special way; they had no music but Steve took lead and Bucky let him, following the sway of music in his head that played soft and melodious, a gentle hum carrying out between them. 

This was their bubble of sanctuary together, safe and warm under the stark cascading light of one lone lamp sitting inconspicuously on a side table. He felt the smile before he even thought about it, staring into Bucky’s ever changing eyes of a soft metallic grey mixing with a splash of the sky. He felt more than he watched as Bucky’s feet moved around, more confident with every step between them and Steve only smiled in encouragement.

This was them. Always just them and life was perfect with no worries or cares about anything. Steve felt strongly that nothing else existed in the entire world for him but this and yet he wasn’t sure how deep Bucky’s interests were. He could take solace in the fact that Bucky was easily far too sensitive not to be pegged as a romantic, that the way he treated him meant it was deeply rooted and wonderful. Smiling at the thought, Steve let his eyes close a moment, bumping their foreheads together gently as he carried on humming lightly.

Crinkling his nose, Bucky wondered when you just _knew_ things. If they were right moments or if he was reading too deeply into gestures and actions, especially the way Steve touched him and he wanted to be pliant for him and follow him wherever he wanted the pair of them to go. He laughed to himself, a huff of air softly slipping away from him and he took his hand off Steve’s shoulder to cup his face. 

“You know Stevie, you’re damn beautiful. I just have to tell you, you are.”

Steve stared at him, sweeping a hand under Bucky’s chin to gently hold him still, eyes dancing across his face like he was looking for something. Bucky could only stare back at him and mimic the expression, licking his lips almost by instinct just before Steve brought his other hand up at Bucky’s shoulder to press his body closer than he already was. Excitement and curiosity sharply shifted to a stab of startling pain, and Bucky stepped away with a barely concealed wince, pressing a hand to his shoulder and escaping to the bedroom.

“Buck?”

“It’s fine, don’t worry!”

Steve followed after him anyway, with Nook already hot on his trail. Bucky was on the edge of the bed lightly dabbing his fingers around at the meat of his shoulder and frowning at it. Steve carefully sat next to him and gave him a gentle smile, “Let me see?”

Bucky made a face but nodded to him, his hands sitting gathered in his lap though as Steve proceeded they began to hover just slightly like he was ready to fight. Steve studied fingers twitching in anticipation before they relaxed for a few seconds before starting up again. He supposed he could have felt a little unhappy Bucky wasn’t so receptive as he usually was to him but then there were layers he had no idea about and had to take everything with a grain of salt.

“I have to undo some of your buttons to pull your shirt down.”

Of course that was obvious, and Bucky nodded as he turned away but Steve felt he should announce every movement, hands purposefully slow and careful as one button slipped out of it’s hole and then was followed by another. He froze when Bucky lifted his arms up but instead of stopping him, he only aimlessly gripped and squeezed at wrists before letting go again, nervous and jittery though Steve had no idea over _what_. 

He pressed on, hooking the shirt down off Bucky’s shoulder to find the blood had dried with the fabric and stuck there, peeling it as gently as he could, red so prominently smeared against pale skin. The cut wasn’t very deep but looked like it bled a bit before closing up, a little inflamed though didn’t look too bad. He made a small sound with a tsk of his tongue, gesturing for Bucky to wait before he moved away and came back a few seconds later with a warm damp cloth and some supplies. 

He held him above his elbow as he cleaned the area up, “This is from the ice, isn't it? You have to tell me these things and be more careful.”

“I am.” Bucky defended, voice rising slightly, “It’s not my fault stuff gets in my way.”

Steve only bit back a smile, Bucky’s broody expression turning his way and he snorted at him, the both of them breaking out in smiles at each other.

“If you had it your way the whole would would be lopsided and crooked, you know that right?”

“Shut up.”

Grinning, Steve swabbed the area before he placed a bandage over it, moving to fix the shirt back over it when Bucky pressed a hand over his to stop him. 

“I should probably take it off..”

Steve nodded, dropping his hands away and only left curious when Bucky didn’t take initiative to do it himself, shy eyes glancing at him and he furrowed his brows back in confusion. Slowly he raised his hands up, generous with his movements again as he undid the next button from it’s slot, knuckles running into clothing and in turn brushed against Bucky’s chest. This felt intimate, Bucky watching his expression as fingers were mindful and pacing themselves as they went down in button order. Steve realized he was holding his breath when he reached Bucky’s navel, the brunette sitting forward slightly in a way where his thin layer of baby fat creased together. It was really nothing but the way Bucky startled when he realized Steve was staring too long was another thing, arms suddenly moving to do the last button and quickly pull it off as one hand pushed Steve’s back.

“You’re so slow..” Bucky rambled and nervously chuckled before the material was balled up in his lap. 

He didn’t miss how Bucky fluffed at it, trying to block Steve’s eyes from looking at his tummy anymore even if it left him puzzled because of how Bucky was usually about his body..or so he thought. Not sure of what pressed him to, Steve pulled at the shirt, eyes focused on Bucky’s expression twisting into sudden surprise when his hands tried to keep the shirt there but it was pulled too quickly and arms wrapped around his middle instead. Steve could only shake his head, their eyes meeting as he lightly pulled at Bucky’s arms, “There’s nothing wrong with you. You don’t have to hide Buck, not around me.” 

He didn’t force him though, pulling away to retrieve a fresh clean t-shirt and holding it out for him, resting a pair of sweats if he wanted to change out of his pants, “It’s not like it’s the first time I’ve seen you shirtless.”

“Sometimes, I feel..” Bucky shrugged apprehensively as he slipped it on over his head as quickly as he could to hide himself, “I feel fat.”

Steve didn’t address that the only times he picked up on those kinds of habits with Bucky was when it was in relation to his mother. Lips curved into a frown, “You’re not though. You are aware of that, right? I’ve seen you wear some of Nat’s clothes and she’s tiny..granted,” He tilted his head in thought, “I’m pretty sure she could suplex me if she chose to but yeah.”

Glancing away with a small smile, Bucky nodded, “I know that and she definitely could, just sometimes I feel like I am.”

Steve wasn’t going to push or open Bucky up to something he may not want to talk about. He just playfully tugged at the sleeve, the t-shirt swallowing him a little bit as he gave him a partial smile, “You look smaller than you usually are when you get my stuff on.”

Bucky smiled, glancing away as he batted off his hand. He turned over onto hands and knees and crawled over the covers, tugging them away as he climbed in the spot to sit and Steve followed him. They were on the wrong sides but it didn’t really matter too much, Steve sitting himself up against one pillow and the headboard.

“You mind if I read?”

Emptying pockets, Bucky shook his head and took the sweats to change. Steve watched him a second before he also quickly changed and then busied himself with finding his reading glasses, eyes tired but the urge to pick up a book taking over as he reached the opposite side of the bed for his novel waiting for him, a pencil tucked into where he last stopped. He tilted his head up to the lights switching off and automatically reached for the small lamp as Bucky meandered his way back around. 

The apartment was quiet aside from soft snores from Nanook in his second dog bed located on Bucky’s side of the bed so now it was more prominent since Steve was on his side not that it was a problem, he kind of liked it. He listened to the ruffle of loose cotton as Bucky was settling himself in, his body now close enough that Steve was left to consider just how comforted he was by only the sound of Bucky’s own breathing, that he wasn’t lying when he admitted he definitely slept better with him present. 

“It’s quiet, nice for once considering everything that’s been going on.” Steve let on, thumbing back a page to remember the last remnants of the plot.

Bucky only hummed, tilting his head to peer at the book cover, hand resting between their sides as a chuckle slipped out.

Looking up, Bucky’s features revealed how tired he was, soft and fond when Steve looked up to smile at him and raise his brows curiously, “What are you laughing at?”

Bucky reached out and poked the book cover, “Harry Potter,” He leaned in a little bit, trying to make out the words as Steve pulled it away from him in fake offense, “Woulda thought you read all of them by now.” 

“Oh I have,” Steve shot back as he leaned against the headboard and pillow, returning to the book, “Ma used to read it to me out loud bit by bit since I was sick a lot at a younger age. They all weren’t out yet either so we just took our time, went at the pace she could set since I refused to let anyone else read them to me. Since then I just like reading them from the start again and work my way through, it’s kind of a comfort thing.”

Bucky paused, watching him, “I can read it to you..if you like?”

He glanced up to Bucky staring at him in earnest, all cute and lashes too long, Steve shook his head almost immediately as he rested his hand affectionately against the one the brunette had left between them, “I’d like that, but not for this. I just prefer hearing her voice when I read these.”

Bucky only nodded, no sign of unhappiness and Steve relaxed not wanting to hurt him in any way even if he knew it would have been silly for his friend to act in the negative over something like that. He watched him from the corner of his eye pulling at the covers and smoothing out the blanket before picking up his phone and scrolling through it. Bucky seemed unsettled, fingers grazing over the bandage, then turning his way and Steve had to smile knowing full well he wasn’t about ready to sleep either. Sweeping his arm out to drop them across their pillows, he tilted his head to beckon him without raising his eyes from the pages, “Come here.”

Putting his phone back on the night table, Bucky tucked himself neatly against Steve’s frame, head dropping against shoulder and an arm draping over his stomach. As Steve brought his own arm down around him, he found the brunette was slightly cool to the touch around his wrist and hand. It wasn’t a normal occurrence but sometimes it happened with him, like as if Bucky had had his hands out the window and Steve suddenly thought about him waving at the moon because he wouldn’t have been surprised if it had happened before. Bucky there at a window with elbows propped up on the sill and smiling to the moon like she was a pretty girl he wanted to appreciate from afar. He wondered what they would have spoken about in their one sided conversation, or what secrets Bucky reveal. Shifting against him, Steve’s eyes flicked from the window to Bucky, wondering if maybe the moon did share her secrets with him, he seemed like someone she could trust if she so chose to.

“I can practically _hear_ you thinking.”

Steve raised his brows, his hand working again to rub over Bucky’s arm, “Your skin’s cold.”

Snuggling closer, Bucky’s cold nose nuzzled against his jaw, “You’re not though.” 

Smiling to himself, Steve continued stroking soft skin, squeezing Bucky close to his side, “You want a second blanket? The heat should kick in soon too, I moved it up a little..”

Giggling softly under his breath, Bucky hid his face against Steve’s neck and only hugged him tighter, warm breath dancing along skin. 

Frowning a little, Steve poked Bucky’s side lightly, “What’s so funny?”

“You!” Bucky mumbled against him, whining and groaning at the attack trying to move away from him even though he was stuck there. He drew his face away just barely, “You’re all I need to keep warm Stevie.” 

It was Steve’s turn to feel a loss for words, blinking a few times, “Oh, well..good then.” His mind came back into operation, tilting his head sideways against Bucky’s as he softened his voice to almost a whisper, “I’m always here.”

Steve felt Bucky smile against his jaw, hidden away but emitting his happiness. He liked how Bucky was so tactile. Even when he didn't want to be touched, he wanted to be touched. It was set in him and..maybe a little starved for it, he suddenly thought a little depressingly. But he liked that Bucky liked it, he liked that everyone was accommodating to Bucky with it. No one pressing comments about watching Buck wiggle in between two people obviously trying to talk to one another or share something together. Maybe a couple jokes flew but no one begrudged Bucky warm attention. It was nice, especially when all Bucky wanted was Steve's touch. It made him want more, wanted to gather him in his arms and slip in kisses, he wanted a lot..all to make Bucky feel loved and adored like he deserved. He didn’t know what would have happened if the pain in Bucky’s shoulder didn’t break their connection when they were dancing to their own song. He could have sworn Bucky would have let him kiss him if he had a few more seconds but there was no way for Steve to be sure and as skittish as Bucky could get, he wasn’t going to attempt a second try right now. 

His book sat open against the arm Bucky had draped across Steve’s stomach and he stared at the words but long limbs and the feel of soft breath distracted him, not sure whether to just quit reading altogether or somehow balance both even if he wasn’t sure how to when he didn’t want to stop anything happening right then either.

As he thought about it, his fingers slipped into Bucky’s hair, stroking strands and massaging the crown of his head ever so gently, lulling him into a comfort he knew how to give. There was a soft sound of happiness against his side and he _felt_ Bucky drop the last bit of anxious energy he was holding from his self image issues. He wanted to be this for Bucky all the time, every time he needed it, Steve wanted to be it for him. He wanted to be able to be who Bucky could always confide in as more than a friend and take him away from beliefs where boyfriends were not for him. Steve only wanted to prove to him more and more that he could change that for him, that he was always happy to, that maybe he didn’t believe in soulmates but Steve would be the closest to it without trying. 

Hesitating a little, fingers curling around the ends of Bucky’s hair, he was also afraid he wasn’t right for Bucky. If he put all his trust in him, Steve had barely a window to mess up, sure he could and Bucky would understand but to what degree? Where would it be understanding and where would it be where he took fragments of it and shelved it away as proof that things weren’t working? Bucky deserved someone who wasn’t a fuck up, someone who could give him the world, not someone who wasn’t sure it was just lucky that his art was a success this round and not just a one trick pony. He needed someone who could anchor him, be the one who he could rely on in a relationship no matter what. 

Steve was willing, he was so willing but he was afraid of becoming so angry for him and snapping like when he wanted so badly to beat the hell out of George, he was so afraid of dropping the charade and telling Winifred to get off her damn high horse, that maybe one day he wouldn’t take Brock’s rabid dog bullshit and fight back. Any of those would lead to bad things and despite the abuse from two of them, Bucky was so obedient that no matter what, it would blow up in Steve’s face. He wished he was more patient, more understanding. That he didn’t want to fight everyone that hurt Bucky and those that continued to hurt him. He was afraid he wouldn’t be able to balance everything if they did become a couple and no matter what, Bucky deserved what was good for him. He deserved safety and dependency, that Steve won’t go haywire and start shit. He deserved someone who didn’t almost _murder a man_ because he lost himself to blind rage.

“Steve?”

“Hm?”

“What’s wrong? You’re all tense and breathing irregular.”

He huffed a little, shaking his head, “Nothing, I’m just having a self loathing moment, sorry.”

“Anything I can do to help?”

“You already are.” He lifted his head only to press a kiss at the crown of Bucky’s head. 

Drawing away just so he could meet his gaze, Bucky reached forward to play with the neck of Steve’s t-shirt, “I wanna tell you, even though you don’t give me straight answers sometimes..you have to know that I can be a good listener even if history shows I may be lying about that and selectively choose to ignore you from time to time like when you tell me to put my cup in the sink.” 

The corner of his mouth went up a little and Steve only stared at Bucky for a long moment, lifting a hand to cup his face and just study him. The earnest gaze that stared up at him was really the only thing he needed to keep fighting for that one spot he was so nervous of taking up because as much as he wasn’t sure he was right for it, he felt he could be. That sure he was a fuck up, but he would give almost every part of him up to ensure Bucky was happy and he wasn’t sure he could trust anyone else to do that as devoutly as he could.

*****

Brock pawed for his keys, silently cursing the burnt out bulb overhead, sky black above them but he could barely make out the line of his pocket before he finally got his hand in and found them buried away deep.

“Hey Brock..”

“Yeah Jackie, _I know_. Freezin’ my ass off too standin’ so late out here, just one more sec- ”

A hand squeezed his shoulder and he paused, key inside the lock and waiting. He pulled away and turned, Jack frowning softly at him, hands shoved awkwardly into his coat pockets.

“What?”

He thumbed the driveway, “I should probably get going. Work tomorrow morning. I had a- ”

“ -You can stay for five damn minutes Rawls.” Brock pressed with frown stretched across his lips and a fume of irritation crossing him. His hand grabbed at Jack’s wrist, yanking it out as his friend’s mouth stopped moving, lips pressed together as his eyes lingered a moment. Jack’s breath plumed out into a cloudy fog from his nose and slowly drifted into the sky before he glanced away from Brock’s cold stare. Shaking his head, Rumlow shrugged casually, “Could sleep here too, ya know.”

Jack opened his mouth to respond, suddenly not knowing what to say. He nodded, mouth curving upwards just a slight as he pulled his hand from Brock’s loose grip. Instead he took his friend’s forearm as he tugged Brock to him and lips pressed against his densely stubbled cheek, deliberately heavy and lingering there a moment but not for very long, drawing away and letting his eyes sweep over Brock’s bewildered expression giving his arm a squeeze, “Night Brock, had a good time tonight.”

He pressed the bouquet of roses he was holding into Brock’s arms and hooked the handle of the bag with the wines around one wrist before he took a few steps away abruptly stopping when he remembered something and glanced over his shoulder with a small wave, “Oh yeah, and happy Valentine’s.”

Only left there standing, Brock watched Jack get into his car, engine waking easily and pulling out of the drive. He was taking off down the road a few seconds after that, barely making out the red lights as they disappeared off and away. It was then he realized he had the fingers of his free arm pressed to his cheek, skin warm and a little colored though it was hidden from the night cast over him. Blinking a few times as he returned to his senses finally feeling the chill taking over, he turned back to let himself into the house and for once in his life he had nothing to say at all about what just happened.

*****

Bucky was in the tub again, curled up with his knees hugging his chest and the side of his head pressed against the tiles. Steve watched him a few seconds, sleepy and vision a little blurry as he rubbed the corner of his eye. He still wasn’t sure what the tub meant in relation to Bucky’s association to it, he understood his love for water but not the empty part. He had googled it and found that not a lot of conversations were happening about it. The ones he did find were about depression and anxiety, which seemed to make sense coupled with the more milder nightmares.

He shuffled off, eventually coming back with two blankets tucked under his arms and a pair of pillows. Laying one down on the opposite end away from the faucet, Steve brought in the pillows, Bucky stirring at the corner of his eye when he was smoothing out the layer of protection.

“Steve- ”

“You can wake me up Buck, I don’t mind.”

The second blanket rested on the closed toilet seat while Bucky watched him climb in carefully to sit down in the cramped space without knocking anything over. He pressed his back against the pillows and outstretched his hand. Bucky stared at it hesitantly and Steve returned a sleepy smile, “I’m much more comfier than a hard surface and..” His voice softened, “If here is better than the bed, I’m okay with that too.”

“You shouldn’t be.” Bucky let out, drawing his eyes away from him.

Hand still out, Steve waited, fingers eventually slipping along his and he pulled Bucky in between his legs, long body twisting sideways to accommodate the space and drape himself along muscle and warmth, Bucky pressed a hand against Steve’s chest, curling his face against the crook of his neck and Steve pulled the second blanket over them.

“I’m with you. Always. I’ll keep you safe.”

He waited a few seconds thinking Bucky was dozing when he felt him shift, fingers drawing down Steve’s throat and tracing out his adam’s apple, “It’s cooler here. I feel shut in, in the bed when it’s not a frantic nightmare. Just something creepy feeling or scary like something ominous is going to happen if I go back to sleep there. I know it’s stupid, that you’re there but- ”

“It’s not, at all.” Steve found his hand moving into Bucky’s hair, brushing it softly. 

Humming at the feel of fingers brushing through strands, Bucky’s nose pressed along the side of his neck and he tucked his face in as he turned just enough to speak. “If I do go to sleep, I wake up and that sensation is still there, the bed feels wrong, too open and vulnerable. The bathtub is a good place, I was hiding there once and I fell asleep. Back when I was younger, I sat there wondering why I was hiding in the tub but no one found me and eventually I fell asleep. I don’t remember anything else about that time but that and it stuck with me.”

Nodded against him, Steve tucked the blanket around Bucky’s body to mold it in and keep him warm, “Should I buy you a coffin to sleep in? You make jokes about me being a vampire, maybe I should ask if you’re one.”

He could only grin when he felt a hand hit his chest, jumping only _slightly_ when teeth pinched his skin shouldering Bucky playfully, “Hey, quit it.”

They napped like that a little bit but Steve could tell Bucky was more awake than asleep, going in and out but mostly thinking off, eyes drooping slightly and drawing lines against Steve’s side. Nanook had come in to join their sleepover at some point, head peeking in and bumping his nose against Bucky’s cheek before he would lay down on the floor next to the tub. He attempted to climb in when he arrived, the only time Bucky was asleep but Steve didn’t want a disturbance and pointed for Nook to lay down instead. 

Eventually Steve nudged him a little when he knew he wasn’t going to sleep again, “Let’s go to the kitchen, alright? Do something different if you can’t sleep, maybe then we can get you back into bed and get you some better rest.” 

Raising his head to peer up at him, Bucky crinkled his nose as if he was about to decline but changed his mind at the last minute and nodded. Steve led him towards the kitchen before he turned back to the bathroom to gather the bedding, taking it back to the room to drop against the corner of the bed. 

Steve came back and watched Bucky for a moment, weighing out things in his head and his unsteady demeanor. He stepped forward towards the kitchen table, pulling the chair out that was next to him. Bucky looked at it as Steve moved back to the mugs and made them something to drink, placing the full one with tea before the chair. Steve turned and picked up the small jar of sugar on the counter placing it next to the tea then retrieved the jug of milk out of the fridge, twisting off the cap as he set it down within reach of the other two items. Lastly he grabbed his coffee once it was ready and pulled out the chair nearest to the empty one and sat down, staring expectantly at the brunette as he took another sip.

“You want me to sit down? I’m still a little tired though.”

Steve gestured to the chair, “You’re not falling asleep again in the tub apparently and obviously you’re not going back to bed with all that in your head. It’s not healthy anyway, you gotta get some of it out.”

Bucky sat down on the chair, shaking his head as he pulled his legs up, crossing them while he pet Nanook’s head, “The thing is I don’t ever really remember what happens. I feel like I end up in some normal dream and then it just turns bad and hands are grabbing me and pushing me down and I just start fighting them. I think there’s more, I know there is when I’m in my nightmare but when I wake up it all seems to just slip out from between my fingers. My reactions range from how intense it gets, you know if I feel like I’m in immediate danger or something..”

Steve watched as Bucky plucked one of the folded paper towels sitting on the center of the table, aimlessly shredding it into strips as he was speaking before he paused and was lost in thought. He didn’t bother looking up his way, staring off almost through the table before he just stopped, pressing fingers against the it, spreading them around for no reason.

“I think that weird German guy was in it this time, I feel like he was. Back in Germany I kept double locking everything. I know I was being crazy at the hotel but I had to protect myself, I didn’t know if he saw me and Brock wasn’t there. I got scared even with Johnny there, I just kept wondering what if..”

Nanook pushed up from off his hind legs, planting front paws against Bucky’s thighs to lick his face. He hugged the canine tightly, rubbing his cheek against soft fluffy fur. Steve folded his fingers in, quietly tapping his knuckles against the table feeling helpless that he wasn’t there and right now he just didn’t want Bucky falling into those thoughts before an idea hit to distract him. “Are you hungry? You didn’t eat much dinner. I got some fried chicken in the fridge from the diner when you went for your lunch date.”

Bucky raised his head, tired but not protesting it and Steve got up to take out a large styrofoam container popping the lid open for him. Bucky timidly peered at it, gesturing for Nook to get down before reaching for a drumstick and taking a bite. Steve followed through with him, taking a piece for himself when he sat back down. Bucky was into a second piece before he finished his first and Steve was just glad to see him eating something.

Staring at two bones sitting on a paper towel already, Bucky’s face flushed when Steve took out one of the thighs for him to eat next, greasy fingers hesitating before he timidly accepted it and took a bite. His brows crinkled together as he swallowed, “I guess I’m hungrier than I thought.”

Using the back of his wrist to get an itch along his facial hair, Steve smiled softly, “Do you want something else? Bread maybe?”

Bucky shook his head, peeling off some skin away at a piece before feeding Nanook just some of the meat, “No, this is enough, thanks Steve.”

Lifting his mug to his lips, Steve watched him a second before he took a sip, rubbing his foot against Bucky’s in acknowledgment.

*****

Bucky let himself in like an excited ball of energy, Jack looking up from his cutting board to see eyes zeroed in on him as he was slipping his coat off and dropped it on the couch.

“You!”

Turning back to his vegetables, Jack pretended to be nonchalant, “Me?”

Moving towards him Bucky gave Rollins a light shove, hopping up on the counter beside the board and stealing a couple slices of cucumber, “Why didn’t you call me last night after your little date?”

Drawing in a small breath, Jack shook his head as he emptied the sliced vegetables into a small bowl with lettuce, “I just needed some time. Sorry about not answering any messages after the movie, I just drove back home and settled into bed with a book. I didn’t even reply to Brock.” 

He turned towards the stove, peeking into the oven before righting himself and reaching for the dish holding sweet potatoes. Bucky made a face at it, “I refuse to eat that.”

Jack paused, “Did I ask you to?”

“..No but I still won’t eat it.”

He set the dish on the table, “I’m glad you invited yourself over for dinner and decided not to eat the sweet potatoes.”

Bucky tried not to smile, hopping off the counter just to walk over to Jack as he was moving the newspaper away. He wrapped his arms around his waist, pressing his face against Rollins’ shoulder, “Jackie..”

“Yes?”

“Tell me, please?”

Maneuvering back through the tiny kitchen dragging Bucky with him, Jack picked up a trio of plates, patiently setting them around while Bucky clung tightly to him as he whined and then eventually bit him.

“Hey!” Jack let out, lightly swatting at Bucky’s side, “Don’t bite.”

Shifting so he was beside Jack but still holding on, he cuddled against his side fluttering lashes at him and pouting softly, “Making me sad now.”

Jack attempted to keep a straight face but it was difficult because Bucky was so good at being cute. He finally slumped his shoulders and Bucky knew he won, pulling off to drop down on one of the chairs, “Spill!” 

Gripping the back of it, Jack looked down at him with a shake of his head, “I didn’t wanna tell you because you’re going to take it the wrong way..”

“What? Did you guys do it?”

“ _No_ , of course not.” Looking thoughtful, Jack shrugged slightly, “I kissed him.”

Bucky was out of his chair immediately, grabbing at Jack’s shirt with both hands and shaking him frantically, “ _You what_?!”

“I told you that you were going to take it the wrong way!”

Bucky hopped up and down, grinning like it was the best news in the world, “You _kissed_ him! How _should_ I take it?”

Wrapping his hands along Bucky’s shoulders, Jack quickly shook his head, “It’s not like that, calm your ass down. I kissed his _cheek_. Then I left, I was..I don’t want to admit it but it was nice..the date altogether was really nice but I was really nervous and awkward. Buck, I was _panicking_. I’m sure you could see it on my face while you were hiding wherever you were. All in all though, it was nice and Brock was taking everything in stride, even the roses. I still can’t believe you did that you little shit, he loved them especially when he thought they were from me.”

Bucky laughed, “That’s great, isn’t it?” 

Shaking his head and shrugging at the same time, Jack suddenly looked oddly _shy_ , a careful smile appeared that came and went before he was tugging Bucky’s hands away to go back to the bowl of salad to toss it, “I don’t know. He wanted me to stay, hell even told me to crash there and I just freaked out a little. I know he didn’t mean it like I heard it so I tried to relax, he wanted me to hang out. He looked stunned when I kissed his cheek though and I bailed before anything could be said, good or bad. I just wanted to get out of there and we haven’t spoken to each other since, verbally at least.”

Rolling his eyes, Bucky folded his arms over his chest, “Because that isn’t sketchy.” 

“I made a few excuses in my text replies, he doesn’t seem too wound up.”

“Maybe he feels like something woke up in him too but then I haven’t talked to him either. I went to see Dr. Potts and stuff happened over the past few days with mama and then Steve found out about some of it and he’s telling me to tell the doc.” He shook his head, waving his hands vaguely, “I told her and she seems more interested than I am but Steve said she would because she needs to know. It’s distracting.” 

Stopping everything, Jack wiped his hands on the kitchen towel, turning his full attention to Bucky, his jaw set. “What did she do this time?”

Opening his mouth to protest, Bucky promptly closed it and shook his head, “Nothing she doesn’t already do Jack. You know this. And I accidentally binged and Steve caught me, I felt shitty.”

Studying him stoically, Bucky frowned, giving in because he couldn’t be bothered fighting about it. He took one of Rollins’ hands, gripping at fingers as he tilted his head to the side and pressed the tips of his against fading scabs from the marks Winifred left, “My lip doesn’t look like anything happened anymore, everyone just thinks I chew on it too much. She wants me to stop talking to Steve, I told her no.”

Jack’s eyes narrowed as he lightly felt out the crescent shaped marks, “And your arm? You were taking your coat off slower on the right side.”

“My what?” Bucky closed his eyes in realization, “Stop doing that, it’s creepy. That wasn’t from her, Steve took me ice skating and I fell on it.”

“You’re a mess,” There was no heat to it though, cupping Bucky’s cheek and giving it a small pat before he turned back to the counter, “Listen to Steve’s advice. You should tell her anything you feel comfortable sharing, even if you don’t think it's significant.” 

“Yeah yeah, so you didn’t answer me. Do you think maybe he’s realized he’s into you?”

“I don’t know, I don’t think he is, so no.” He picked up the salad, walking over to the table to set it beside the other dish, “I mean you know how Brock is. He would have just come out and said something or demanded a reason or get excitable. He wouldn’t just sit on it if he was thinking about how he liked it or whatever. He’s quick to react, he’s not just- ”

They both turned to the sound of keys going into the front door and the lock turning, Brock walking in when it was opened, freezing when he caught them looking at him. “What the hell are you two lookin’ at?”

“Nothing.” They both let out at the same time, Bucky swiftly moving to the pantry for a half opened package of oreos while Jack walked backwards and away to get the roast out of the oven. 

Brock squinted at the both of them, shucking off his coat to hang up and kick off his shoes. He held a brown paper shopping bag in his hand, a simple black book icon across it. An expression of hesitation crossed his face, Jack setting the roasting pan on top of a wooden carving board before he turned back his way and Rumlow held the bag out, eyes catching Bucky spying from the corner with cookies in his mouth.

“Uh, here Jackie, got you some of them new books you mentioned.” 

Brows going up in surprise, Jack set the kitchen towel down on the counter as he approached, “What books?”

Shrugging like it wasn’t much of a big deal, Brock avoided his eyes, “Them crime mystery ones you read all the damn time. You mentioned you had to get new ones last week, well when I stopped by some lady who worked there said they jus had two came out.” 

Taking the bag cautiously, still surprised, Jack peeked in to see two brand new hardcover books waiting for him and a gift receipt on top. Brock wiggled his finger at the bag, “Yeah it’s got one of those gift things in ‘em just in case you don’t wanna read those ones, she said you could change ‘em and pay the difference if they’re more.” 

Touched at the gesture, Jack’s mouth twitched unsure of what to say, “I..thanks Brock. And no, these are great, I’m sure they’re going to be good reads.” 

“Ain’t nothin’,” Brock let out with a dismissive gesture of his hand, barely a fragment of bashfulness even as Bucky silently watched them, “Figured for all ‘em roses you gave me last night, it was the least I could do for you.” 

“I- ” Jack’s voice got caught in his throat, his head turning slightly before he stopped himself from looking back at Bucky, steadying an expression with his best friend, “It wasn’t a big deal, I just wanted you to have something as a thank you for inviting me and it went with the theme of the day.” 

Wishing he had someone to lock eyes with just to see if they were seeing what he was seeing, Bucky gently pressed his back against the corner he was trying to be invisible in doing his best not to bring attention upon himself. He was also trying not to smirk or smile or else he would get Brock making faces at him for no reason at all if he was caught and probably destroying the moment those two were having..as juvenile as it was.

Jack ducked his head away and he was feeling eyes watching him, Brock tended to do that and it was weird because before today, he really didn’t pay attention to it. He never let himself, but now he felt like he was standing on stage with one audience member critiquing his every move. He drew out one of the books and examined it, the cover was glossy and looked promising, opening it up to read the summary on the inner jacket.

“Flowers?” Bucky suddenly piped up, pushing off the wall and shoving the oreos back into the pantry cupboard, “How did they look?”

Jack made a small exasperated noise but welcomed the distraction as Brock retrieved his phone to show him. He took the chance to leave the books on the coffee table and get back to getting the roast served.

“They look great huh Kiddo? Took me by surprise! Didn’t know Rawls had it in ‘im.”

Humming in agreement as he looked, Bucky smiled, “They really do, they’re so pretty Rummy, where are they now?”

Brock brightened more than he already did, “I hadta go to the store an’ get one of them fancy _vases_ ,” Hands fanning outwards before he carried on, “From one of them home stores. I showed some girl the roses and she had to help me pick somethin’ out. Right now they’re sittin’ in the kitchen since I ‘em put in water and all that shit. Came with some weird food packet or some crap you’re supposedta sprinkle in. I barely know what to do.”

Resting a hand on Rumlow’s shoulder as Bucky swiped through the images until it arrived at the final product making a soft whine at how beautiful the arrangement was on his marble counter, “Aw, it looks _so_ good. Jackie, look at how he took care of the roses!”

Phone shoved in his face, Jack blinked and adjusted to its approximation to his eyes, resting the knife down a moment. They really did look nice, the colorful pastel rainbow arrangement holding together in a clear crystal vase that definitely wasn’t from any dollar store discount bin. He was actually speechless, Brock really wasn’t into home decor and delicate things..or, that’s what Jack assumed. The phone came down and Bucky looked at him smugly before turning to Brock to hand his cell back.

*****

Steve let himself inside the apartment and was immediately met by large paws trying to climb up his stomach and lick his face. His hands went on furry front legs, trying to get Nanook to return down, a small smile on his face as he let out a stern _no_ and the dog proceeded to gnaw at fingers trying to get Steve to roughhouse with him. Grabbing one of the tennis balls sitting by their shoes, he tossed it down the hallway, watching Nook shoot after it thunderously. He turned to the sound of Bucky laughing from the kitchen, turning over chicken thighs laid out in a pan, a few vegetables waiting to be chopped up on the cutting board.

It was odd how he wasn’t really expecting Bucky to be in after saying he was going to see Jack, he was so preoccupied in his head that he just felt like he was going to be home alone tonight. He supposed telling Bucky he would be off a few hours early set it up for him to be coming over but he wasn’t expecting it really.

A wet nose nudged him and he looked down to see Nanook with a ball between his teeth waiting for another toss of the ball. Steve threw it again, watching the dog bound off before he turned back to Bucky, “Usually he’s tired after dinner time.”

“He is,” Bucky covered the pan up again with the splatter screen, shrugging lightly, “He hasn’t been walked yet. I’m going to play with him after I finish here.” 

A small flare of irritation crossed Steve’s senses, frowning lightly, “You gotta walk him on time Buck, he knows it’s play time and I just got home.” 

Bucky’s smile wavered, looking away and blinking as he picked up the cucumber, pausing as he pressed his lips together in thought. “I’m sorry, I wanted to make sure you had something warm to eat since you said you were asking me if there were leftovers in the fridge..” 

He watched Bucky swallow and Steve could see his eyes darting across the cutting board in a panic, guilt suddenly enveloping every part of his being. Stepping forward, approached the sink and washing his hands as he moved to stand beside the vegetables, “Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. I’m just not thinking straight today..Can I help?”

“Just have to finish the salad.” Bucky lightly pointed out, set in a tone Steve already disliked, serving bowl holding spinach and lettuce. “Chicken’s almost done.”

Drawing in a silent breath, Steve tried to keep himself together. All he wanted to was to go to sleep, alone. Away from everyone and be left that way because this was the reason why. He was in a foul mood and no one deserved the sharp end of it. He forced himself to pick up the cutting knife resting beside the board, “I’ll get the cucumbers and whatever is left.”

Bucky only nodded, not looking his way and something inside of Steve felt like he was being squeezed. He turned some lines over in his head, that it wasn’t Bucky. That it was him and he wasn’t feeling good. He was feeling horrible and he wanted to quit life just for today because he felt like shit not that he didn’t feel worse than that when he was criticizing Bucky like an asshole. Everything just sounded so feeble and not at all right. Instead he began chopping without a word, mindlessly doing so as his eyes strayed to a covered dish of mashed potatoes and then to chicken thighs crisping away. Everything smelled homely and warm, like how ma had it when she had time to cook. 

Bucky turned his way when he was staring too long and his brows abruptly shot up, “Shit- ” 

He moved to reach for Steve’s hand and bad instincts forced Steve to flinch and jerk his hand away which only chained into Bucky pulling his hand back like he had been burned. 

“You cut your finger- ” Bucky let out, rubbing his hands together nervously, turning his head to the small shrill noise escaping from Nanook as he looked up at him, dropping the ball away. 

Steve blinked a few times, looking down at his hand and it was bleeding, grabbing for some paper towel to wrap around and he hesitated a moment, turning with his mouth hung open to explain himself but nothing came out. Dinner was ruined and it was his fault, it was all he could think of and he was being terrible to Bucky.

“I..I have to go..”

He retreated to the bedroom because that was all he could think about and closed the door hating himself with every step further away from Bucky but he just couldn’t, it wasn’t anything against him. It was far from it, it was just everything else bearing down upon him.

*****

Later, when he woke up in bed, it seemed darker now than earlier and he sat up noticing he didn’t even recall falling asleep, his stomach gurgling in pain a little because it was well past dinner time and all he did was be an asshole. He listened for a second and found it eerily quiet, opening the door a crack only to find a tray of food sitting at the floor. A plate of what Bucky had made covered in plastic wrap and a bottle of sparkling lemonade Bucky seemed to covet offered to him like an apology gift.

He opened the door wider, sitting himself down before the meal and he picked up the bottle, staring at it a long moment feeling depressed and ashamed for lashing out at him like he did and just acting badly. Mainly he thought about how Bucky deserved none of it, his hand gently rolling the bottle against his palm a few times. Given to him like Bucky was asking for forgiveness when it should be _him_. 

Steve slowly uncovered the food and twisted off the cap, eating so his mind wasn’t distracted about the ache in his belly and finished off the lemonade with the thought of making it all better again, fully aware the food should have been delicious when all he tasted was bitterness towards himself, everything ashy in his mouth. He was done brooding if all he did was take it out on Bucky, it wasn’t allowed. 

He went down the hallway and entered the living room only to find Bucky curled up at the corner of the couch reading a book with the television on mute and a large Malamute snoozing at his feet. 

“I’m sorry,” He let out quietly, barely a whisper but just loud enough for Bucky to hear him. 

Glancing up, he watched as Steve moved around and sat himself down at the other end of the couch, “It’s okay.”

Steve rubbed his hands over his knees, brows knitting together and Bucky gently pet Nanook at the top of his head, rousing him awake. The brunette gestured towards the large dog bed in the corner space where the Christmas tree had been and Nook let out a yawn before hopping off and curled up over there. Bucky hoped he was forgiven for putting him out before he softly patted the warm space left behind. 

Moving into the spot, Steve sat with his thigh pressed beside toes, his eyes going over the television which sat on mute showing something about Lions. It was something Bucky had a habit of doing, too many lights or noise or the television lit up, sometimes to distract from the dark because he noticed he was mildly afraid of it. 

Bucky lowered his book a little bit more, closing it a few seconds later as he studied him while Steve made tight fists against his knees before loosening them again and pressing hands against his thighs.

“I’m just, having one of those days. The bad days where I miss her so much it hurts. I shouldn’t have said that thing about Nanook needing a walk or reacting the way I did with the cut..” 

Resting the novel on the coffee table, Bucky swung his legs off the couch, sneaking in beside Steve as he moved a hand close. Steve turned the one closest to Bucky upwards and he took it, grey eyes careful but curious.

“I’m here for you too, you know.” Bucky gripped his hand, licking lips as he glanced at the table before sweeping them across Steve’s face again, “You don’t have to shut me out when you’re in pain.”

Steve immediately squeezed his eyes shut, tears rushing forward and he stopped them, dropping his head down. He shook his head, sucking in a sharp wet breath, “I don’t want to..I’m sorry Buck.”

Turning his body to face him, Bucky gently let go of Steve’s hand to pull him sideways against his chest and wrap arms around feeling him rest his head on his shoulder. “You don’t gotta be sorry Stevie. Same way you tell me you got me, I got you too. Okay? I may not understand but..I’m here for you.” 

Steve shrank in under Bucky’s hold trying to be his small self again like back when, arms wrapping around ribs and Bucky clutching him tight as he sobbed quietly against his neck. 

“Buck- ” He choked out against damp skin.

“Shh,” Bucky soothed, cuddling him close, “We don’t have to talk, don’t have to do anything you don’t wanna do. We can just sit here..”

Steve gripped at the back of Bucky’s shirt, limp in his arms and in too much pain to speak again for now, fingers stroking through dirty blond hair. Nanook approached to sit in front of the couch, front paws resting up and trying to push his face against Steve’s. Bucky gently eased him to sit and not push, scratching the dog under his chin as he gave him a smile. 

“Look you got Nook all worried about you too. He’s come a long way from not listening to you unless you give him food.”

Steve made a soft sound, the balls of his fingers pressing into Bucky’s skin. 

They stayed like that, Bucky never letting him go and Nanook refusing to take his leave as his head rested on the edge of the couch and watched Steve tenaciously. 

Time slowly ticked by and eventually Steve stirred enough to lift his head blinking almost guiltily with damp pale blues, “I lost track of time..”

Bucky rested a hand against Steve’s chest, “It doesn’t matter.” The blond didn’t look too convinced and Bucky leaned in, cuddling close to him and pressing his face against beard hair. “It doesn’t Stevie.”

Not being able to help himself but sigh to the feeling of being so close to Bucky, Steve shook his head curling in to warm touch and soft skin. He shifted in his arms, pressing his forehead against Bucky’s shoulder, “We’re a mess.”

“We’re a mess together.” Bucky whispered, drawing back and watching him carefully, fingers running along his jaw, “You kind of make me believe that it’s okay to be, with you at least.”

Steve could only stare at him, frozen and lost in big blue grey eyes surrounded by perfectly long dark lashes and the kindest face only his dreams could have created. He swallowed thickly, “We are. Just you and I. You’re right, you should believe it because it’s completely true.” 

The corners of Bucky’s lips quirked upwards and Steve smiled back at him, pulling away as he hushed the protest he knew Bucky was about to let out. He pressed his back against the opposite arm of the couch, draping his legs towards the brunette before his arms went out for Bucky to climb onto him.

“Come on, come here.”

Bucky hesitated, “But- ”

Steve made an abrupt sound of refusal to whatever Bucky had to say, gesturing harder for him to get over there. Sighing, Bucky carefully crawled over sitting sideways against him, dropping his legs off the couch. Nanook took the chance and hopped up after, taking the place Bucky had been sitting to curl up and soak in the warmth.

“I thought I was consoling you.” Bucky let out with a pout.

“You were, but I just wanna hold you,” His arms wrapped tight around Bucky’s middle to make his point, pressing his face against the side of his cheek. 

“I’m not a stuffed animal you know, you have a perfectly good giant teddy bear in your bedroom wanting to be hugged. It’s the one _I_ won for you, remember?”

Steve smiled against his skin, nuzzling his lips lightly against barely there stubble, “I remember, but he’s not warm like you,” His hand slipped under Bucky’s shirt, tickling him for a second, “Or squirmy.”

“Hey!” He swatted Steve’s hand away. 

Laughing against Bucky, Steve only tightened his hold, pressing him close to his chest and felt him go pliant, resting his head against shoulder. Fingers came up, stroking against his beard and he couldn’t help chuckling over it, “What’s with you and my beard?”

Shrugging, Bucky continued brushing it gingerly with his fingers and Steve couldn’t even be bothered to pretend he was troubled by the brunette’s fascination of it. He only relaxed to it, stitching his fingers together to close the hold around Bucky and stay that way for as long as they could. 

Bucky’s phone made a noise and he reached for it without being displaced as Steve unmuted the channel and surfed for something else to watch. Nanook raised his head from off Steve’s legs and tilted it a curious moment before hopping off the couch and pawing at his cell until it came to the edge enough for him to pick up with his teeth and turn to reach up in Bucky’s lap and drop it there.

“Aw, multumesc.”

Peering up at him, Nanook’s mouth opened and he practically smiled as his tail started to wag, Steve stopped flipping through the television to squint at the pair of them, “Don’t tell me the dog knows Romanian.”

Nanook’s tongue rolled out, glancing over at Steve before howling like it was an answer, creeping his front paws up Bucky’s lap a bit more to get better head scratches while Bucky attempted to stifle his laughter against his other hand.

Steve only shook his head suspiciously, eyeing the canine ruefully, “I got your number buddy, don’t worry.”

Rolling his eyes, Bucky smiled as he leaned his head back against Steve’s shoulder, patting his thigh to get Nook back on the couch so he could rest his head on his lap more comfortably while he checked his phone for the message he was sent. “Noonoo don’t listen to him, he’s mean dad.”

Steve’s brows went up in surprise, “ _Me_? If I’m mean dad, what are you?”

“Number one dad.”

“I can’t be mean dad.” Steve protested, looking so put out by the title, “He almost tore Brock a new one, that’s gotta count for something. I should be..food dad.”

Staring at him with a playful glint in his eye, Bucky poked at his chin, “You could be dad number two if you like.”

“That sounds like the dad in charge of poop.” Steve murmured out, trying to check the show summary of what was on the screen. “I’m worth much more than dog crap duty.”

“Well technically, you are though..sort of.”

“I’m done with this conversation.”

Bucky could only laugh as he slapped Steve’s chest, watching him try to control his facial muscles from grinning.

Finally finding something worth watching, Steve settled in and Bucky buried himself into his phone. Even with the screen tilted his way a little, he tried to avoid routing his eyes to it but after a handful of small chirps of laughter and rapid fire texts curiosity got the best of him and he lightly nudged Bucky’s side.

“What’s got you so entertained?”

“Huh?” Looking over, Bucky smiled back at the phone, “Oh, no one. An old friend I haven’t spoken to for a few months, he was supposed to let me know when he moved back to Norway but we kind of lost touch. Apparently he’s back in New York, has been for a week now. Wants to hang out but I don’t really feel like it.”

Steve felt like he was on the line for more information but Bucky only went back to sending texts and reading what was across his screen. He knew it was late for him but not too late for Bucky, nudging him lightly again, “You should go, it’s still early for you.”

Bucky pursed his lips, a little humored as he shook his head after sending another message, “I don’t want to.”

“I mean I get it,” Steve shrugged as he trailed his fingers against Bucky’s side playfully, “You’re comfortable using me as a seat..”

“ _You_ pulled me here thank you very much!” He protested, slapping at his pec.

“Ha, _ow_! But really, if it’s a friend then- ”

“ _Steve_.” Smirking, Bucky stopped him by holding up his phone, the text conversation still open and scrolled up to the beginning of their present messages. Steve carefully took it to read, scanning the back and forth chatter before his brows shot up.

“Oh. He’s _that_ kind of friend.”

The corner of his bottom lip caught between teeth, Bucky nodded sheepishly before taking the phone back, “Yeah, I mean we got to talking about other things after it was clear I wasn’t up for a booty call but yeah.”

Not knowing what to say, Steve made an ambiguous sound of acknowledgment and went back to watching the TV leaving Bucky to his own devices and trying to steer the color rising across his face away from it entirely. 

He didn’t even know an hour passed until the television credits had begun to play on the screen and Bucky rubbed his eyes, signs of obvious fatigue making its presence known and Steve pulled his arms away to let him get up, even though he received a questioning look back.

Craning his neck to gesture towards the bedroom, Steve lightly nudged him to move along, “Go to bed.”

That automatic furrow of brow and lips shaping a confused pout immediately came out, “You’re not tired?”

Steve reached out, rubbing his palm along Bucky’s arm, soothing and trying to relax him. “I’m not tired, ended up having a nap when I went to lay down. I wanna get a couple hours of work in before I sleep. You though,” He tucked the side of his bent index finger under the cleft of Bucky’s chin, “You should sleep, looks like you’re ready for it.”

“I don’t- ”

Grinning as he took fingers, Steve pressed a kiss against knuckles, “Yeah you do.” He tilted his head, “Please?”

Grumbling and giving him a shove, Bucky full on pouted as he pulled himself to his feet, “Fine. Goodnight. You know I don’t like you right?”

Steve nodded as he watched him walk off for bed, “I do, night.”

Of course Bucky hadn’t entirely put himself to bed when Steve finally wrapped up painting for the night and sat down as gently as he could on the mattress, not wanting to upset the special balance he found there. Nanook slept at Bucky’s back and that oversized bear from Coney Island that had been sitting on a chair in the corner was now currently seated beside Bucky with a smile on its face and an arm around its stuffed belly. Bucky was curled up on his side and sandwiched in comfortably between the two, a book he tried to read to lamp light opened but slipped off into the space between his stomach and bear’s leg. His hair fell over his eyes as his forehead pressed forward against synthetic fur, looking delicate when he was sleeping like this, knees tucked up high and wearing one of the baggy t-shirts Steve sometimes liked to wear that was too long for Bucky. One size too big boxer shorts were layered with the waistband of boxer briefs peeking out underneath and a corner of Steve’s mouth went up on his double underwear sense of fashion but then he supposed it was better than those other ass hugging boxer briefs and parading around the living room in them.

He took a second to admire pale thighs and frowned a little at a fresh but only by a few days cut across the top of one reaching out but not touching the spot, finger ghosting along the red line of about three inches wondering what made it and trying his best not to assume it was something worse off. He glanced up and was surprised to see grey blues looking at him, free hand still tucked under his chin while his other arm lingered over the bear.

Steve tilting his head, “You cut yourself.”

A gentle smile was given back, “I didn’t do it, if that’s what you’re wondering.”

“Not entirely.” Because it was technically the truth though he wouldn’t have been surprised if it was what he did. 

He wasn’t familiar with people that self mutilated themselves but Steve saw it once in a while when he was at the hospital doing one of his superhero gigs. Some of the older kids were unhappy, withdrawn and it broke his heart even if he had no idea how to help them out of their funk especially when they were there for cancer treatment or something as equally frightening. 

All he could do was try and help the one person that really needed him the most it seemed, gingerly pulling the bear away and setting it beside Nanook’s bed on the floor. He fit himself in the stuffed animal’s place, gently rolling Bucky over so he could press the entirety of his body flush against the brunette’s back. Nanook lifted his head as he adjusted to the movements, Steve usually would have sent him off the bed by now but he made an exception for the night wanting Bucky surrounded by good things and not wanting him to remember Steve’s lack of judgment.

Making a small sound of contentment, Bucky cuddled against him as Steve pulled the blanket up over them and wrapped him up in his arms, burying his face in soft hair. He was definitely having a bad day but now laying here he wondered why when everything good was in his arms and curled up close to him. 

Yawning softly, sleepy fingers reached over to pet Nanook’s dozing form, tail wagging in response, “Are you happy again Steve?” 

Steve felt Bucky stretch alongside his body, toes pointed and long fingers extending like cats claws before arms folded themselves against his chest and he was still again, Steve moved an arm to run the back of his fingers gently down Bucky’s arm as he pressed another kiss into his hair.

“Yeah Buck, thank you.” 

Bucky hummed tiredly, retracting an arm to grab at Steve’s fingers and pull it back around himself, keeping a hold around his wrist, “For what? Didn’t do anything.” 

Smiling because he couldn’t help himself, Steve gave him a gentle squeeze, “Yeah you did.”

*****

Rubbing his face into pillow instead of soft hair immediately began to start Steve’s path to waking up. His phone informed him he was up ten minutes too early and that Sam would be there in about thirty minutes or so. His side of the bed where he had rolled Bucky to at the beginning of their night was empty, fingers roaming over the bed sheet in quiet contemplation while the level of worry dampened when he saw the note in black marker.

_‘Have to leave early for a breakfast mini party thing with parents, thought I didn’t have to go. Come by Nat’s after noonish, see you then! - Bucky’_

Warily pulling himself to sit up, Steve reached for the slip of paper and looked it over again. He couldn’t help frowning at the idea of Bucky having to go to something he clearly didn’t want to go to but then again it wasn’t like he _could_ say no and Steve couldn’t even go accompany him. He was sure that would have been more of a mess than a benefit. He strayed a few minutes before he pulled himself up to get out of bed and ready for the day, Nanook came in from the living room in excitement and hopped up on his back legs trying to pull Steve down with him. He couldn’t help but laugh, getting the dog to sit down and rubbing his hand across the top of his head.

“And a good morning to you too.”

Tail wagged as he followed along to the kitchen and Steve started up the water for his coffee, glancing at Nook eating the few bits of dog food left in his bowl. He looked bigger than yesterday, but then he kept looking bigger every day, smiling to himself as he shook his head, the neighbors were going to complain about a howling mini horse in his apartment soon he could feel it.

“Are you gonna come work out with us today?”

Pausing from his water dish, Nook looked up at him a long moment before he walked away, immediately coming back with his leash in his mouth and Steve let out a tired laugh running his hand through his fur, “Okay, okay a simple yes would have been fine. Give me a few minutes, okay?”

Dropping the leash on the floor, he went back to his water dish like nothing had even happened.

A little after twelve he was back at the brownstone, freshly showered and changed. Nanook stayed behind Steve not sure if Bucky was going to come back with him or not, he wasn’t answering his phone but Natasha had confirmed he was there.

“There you are. About time.” She let out curtly as soon as she opened the door, proceeding to take his coat without even asking.

Puzzled, Steve let her pull it off him as he set his attention on Liho approaching with Lucky until she had enough sight seeing and swished her tail in a no nonsense attitude before running off and away from him. Steve figured she still didn’t want to be friends, leaning in brush his hand through Lucky’s fur as the dog tried to hop up and lick his face.

Natasha tugged at his arm, “No time for Lucky right now, come with me.”

“What did I miss?” 

He followed her into the kitchen watching her let go and approach the stove holding a pot of simmering sauce. Picking up a deep soup bowl from a stack of them in waiting, Nat added some spaghetti noodles into it before she was ladling meat sauce over top, a few medium sized meatballs tumbling in with it. 

“It’s not you, it’s James. He’s been down in the basement working, he didn’t eat the sandwich I made for him and it’s after lunch time.” She shoved the warm bowl into his hands, “Feed him.”

Brows shot up, “Me? What makes you think- ”

One terse look from Natasha got his mouth to shut close. He nodded, waiting when he saw her reach into a container to sprinkle fresh Parmesan over top before he took the fork she held up walking past her and heading for the stairs.

Steve followed the flow of Beethoven until he found Bucky perched at the edge of a black stool, legs tucked under the seat and ankles crossed as he hunched forward and leaned in, the tip of his tongue poking out against his top lip while he worked with some sort of modeling tool on a statue of a man, a Greek God he assumed as was Bucky’s theme, in mid-stride of walking. He was sure he wasn’t even noticed yet, a sandwich and cup of milk set to the side on a shelf but not touched, he could tell by the way the lettuce had wilted that it had been there for a long while which made sense.

Taking the moment to lean his shoulder against the frame of the doorway, Steve examined the intricate detail of muscle and the unnamed man’s physique. The draping loincloth over thighs looked like actual fabric shifting with his movement while short wispy hair held a wreath of laurels, Bucky worked carefully on their face, eyes fixated on finer details even if to Steve it looked perfectly fine as it was.

He took a second to look around the room, boxes marked for various holidays, a shelf at the side filled with tin cans of various foods and family size packs of dry goods. An open cabinet revealed itself to be where Bucky kept most of his supplies, tools and clay, art supplies and other smaller pieces sat. Nearer to the outside door was a couch and a small sitting area but the place was mostly cramped with the table and extra storage spaces. Not entirely suitable for Bucky to work at on a normal basis like he could at the pool house converted studio. 

Mind wandering, Steve thought about maybe a house they could share, the back of his head always reminding him that in the next few months Bucky would move out from Natasha’s and would have to find a place to stay. A little voice also let him know that Brock would probably tell him to move in and Steve kind of wasn’t sure that would be a good thing. 

Despite Rumlow’s best intentions, Steve wasn’t sure living with an addict was a good idea, especially since Bucky had seen him overdose and Steve wasn’t even sure if that was the first time. As awful for Brock as it may sound, Bucky had himself to work through, he didn’t need the guy hampering anything Bucky was progressing on because that would be exactly what he would do. Bucky would be focused on helping instead of healing and the amount of damage Steve had already seen was enough for him to speak up against it if it ever did come up. 

It was never a thought of Steve saying he was _better_ than Brock, because he wasn’t. He just liked to think that maybe it was a safer coping environment than there, he was in no position to think he loved Bucky more than Brock did even if their views of how they loved him were entirely different. He just wanted what was possibly better for Buck. 

The thought of a home, nothing too big, maybe some sort of craftsman he could fix up himself with possible help from Thor because of his vast knowledge on building repairs and restoration, maybe even Jack because of what Bucky was saying. Well, if Jack didn’t dislike him, that is. That way they could share a space with a small front porch and a yard for Nanook, delegate a space strictly for their arts. 

“You deserve a space just for yourself.” 

Bucky straightened up and turned his way, eyes going over his face before he looked towards the bowl he was holding, “What?” 

It was the only reason Steve realized he had spoken out loud, shaking his head a little in surprise just as feet started forward, cradling the bowl against his chest and using his free hand to nudge Bucky off his stool. 

“Nothing, I was just thinking. Right now though, it’s break time so come on. Go wash up and join me on the couch.”

“But..”

“I got spaghetti and if you don’t eat it, Nat will kill me so no but’s.” 

Making a face but following orders, Bucky scraped off bits of clay drying against his skin and around his fingers, walking towards the sink to the side to wash his hands and check his face in the mirror getting at the smudge along his jaw. 

Steve was sitting comfortably on the couch waiting for him and he dropped down beside him accepting the pasta. The moment he was inhaling the scent of tomatoes, cheese and herbs his stomach growled loudly, “So what were you saying?” 

Feigning not knowing what he was talking about, the blond’s brows went up in question, “What?” 

Bucky frowned as he twirled his fork around ribbons of pasta and sauce, mixing everything, “Don’t lie, I won’t eat this if you don’t tell me.”

“Yeah you will,” Steve reached out and rubbed off a little bit of clay stuck against Bucky’s forearm, “Your stomach won’t let you just sit with it.”

“Ass.”

He chuckled, “It really wasn’t anything, I was just thinking that when you move, you deserve to get a space that’s bigger than this. Like the pool house but your own or maybe something we could share. Just something you can go to whenever you want. You create amazing work, you _need_ that.”

Bucky faltered, fork stopping in his hand as he ducked his head, eyes shyly averted and lips pressed together in an attempt to hide a pleased smile. Steve found it so precious, watching the color rise up his cheeks and around his ears. “Oh..I see.”

Steve couldn’t stop smiling, pushing his fingers against the side of the lukewarm bowl, “Eat.” 

Glancing towards the narrow window, the snow had picked up again, a soft wail of wind passing by the window while he shoveled a mouthful of spaghetti in. 

They raised their heads to the sound of stairs giving a gentle creak, Natasha bringing down a tray of mugs and saucers with slices of cake. Steve pulled himself up off the couch and jogged over to take the tray, receiving a terse look back which was only answered with a smile. She couldn’t do much else and followed after him, pushing sleeves up on an oversized hoodie as she dropped down at Bucky’s other side.

“How is it?”

Mouth full of pasta, Bucky only hummed appreciatively, dropping his head on her shoulder as he hugged the bowl closer to his chest. Steve grinned, setting the tray down, Natasha gesturing to the red mug and he passed it over. He watched her settle in with an arm loosely draped along Bucky’s shoulder, fingers twirling aimlessly around the ends of his hair. Soon Liho and Lucky appeared from upstairs, the cat hopping into Natasha’s lap and trying to get her face into Natasha’s cup. She nudged the cat away and gestured to the snow falling past the windows.

“So, I heard on the weather channel that there might be a snow storm heading our way. If that happens, are you two going to stick it out over at Steve’s or come here? I asked Brock already, he said he’ll be here to help with anything and he liked the idea of us all staying in one place and so did Jack. I asked Sam too, he said if it happens he would.”

Surprised, Steve raised his brows slightly, “You got this all figured out huh?”

Bucky rested his bowl down on his lap, lightly pushing Liho away when she took interest, “Don’t start with Nat and her survival instincts. This happened a few years ago before and she did the same thing. Made sure we were all in the same place, took care of each other. Remember that blizzard and no power for about two days? She started to buy some extra stuff, I mean nothing zombie survival but to make sure we were comfortable and not caught with our pants down. Got stuff like water and extra blankets and some canned food for neighbors too, you better listen to her.” 

Laughing, Steve nodded, “I learned pretty early on not to doubt one of Natasha’s warnings and we’ll definitely be there.”

Bucky grinned at him, finished off the pasta left in his bowl before he was setting it down and taking a sip of tea from a blue mug that had an orange t-rex on it. Natasha smiled to herself before picking up a saucer of cake, handing it to Steve and then another to Bucky.

“It’s Napoleon cake,” She added, noticing the way Steve was examining it curiously, “It’s puff pastry and custard cream between the layers.”

“And so, so good.” Bucky informed as he put his mug down and licked his fingers before he grabbed for his dessert fork. 

Resting her hands in her lap, she watched Bucky eat a few bites, “Mama made it for us, she and papa want us to visit soon, especially because she wants to make sure I’m okay.”

Eyes going wide, Bucky licked the cream off his fork, “Oh, then this is extra good. Every time she makes Napoleon she puts so much love into it.” 

Humming in agreement, Steve left the fork in his mouth as he savored in silence. 

Taking her own saucer, Natasha mused over the pair of them, taking a forkful, “Because of anything she’s tried to make that’s Russian so I don’t feel homesick, this is her best dish and my favorite.”

Grinning goofily, mouth full and a look of admiration across his eyes, Bucky beamed, “I love your mom.”

Enjoying the cake and company, Steve could see Clint pulling up to the curb jogging out of the car to get the passenger side and haul out a couple bags of groceries. He pointed a fork towards the ground level window, “Clint’s home.”

“Oh, I should go help him.” 

Natasha moved to get up but Steve put an arm out for her to sit back down, sliding the last bit of cake onto Bucky’s saucer and putting his back on the tray as he got to his feet, “I’ll go help.”

Before she could say anything he took off and ran up the stairs with Lucky, Steve greeting Clint at the door and he suddenly had no idea how to approach him about his ‘next phase’ idea. He took the bags after giving him a greeting and took them to the kitchen counter, Clint went back outside to grab the other two and haul in some bottled water. Steve stepped out and grabbed the bags, the both of them returning together to the kitchen.

“Thanks for the help.”

Chuckling lightly, Steve rubbed the back of his neck while Barton unloaded the bags, “Actually, although I don’t mind helping, I had an ulterior motive for it. I need your help.”

“Look, I already know it’s a bad idea.” Tilting his head, he waved the frozen chicken nuggets in his hand as an afterthought, “I mean if you go past my girlfriend to ask me for help.” Clint clarified as he put them in the freezer, folding his arms over his chest, amused but also just being honest.

Steve nodded in agreement, “True but it’s kind of stupid and crazy, not in the ‘someone’s going to get hurt’ way, just childish I guess. I wanna do something cute for Bucky, possibly silly or dumb but I need help. For that, I turn to you.”

“A late Valentine’s thing? I would have joined in on that stakeout you guys did but well I was busy.” He wiggled his brows, puffing out his chest a little.

Shoving him playfully, Steve rolled his eyes, “You wanna know what it is, or not?”

Resting his hands on the counter top, features going serious, Clint nodded, “ _Of course_ Steve, I love stupid and dumb ideas.”

*****

A car with their window opened a crack to flick cigarette ash drove by and they were both suddenly humming to the classic rock tune playing out. Steve was nodding his head and a weird expression crossed his face, something of pure amusement, maybe a little bit of crazy and when there was crazy, Clint knew there was _impulsive_.

“What’s going on in that big head of yours Rogers?”

Steve didn’t respond, humming lightly as he started to walk briskly the closer they got to the store they were supposed to meet Bucky and whoever was with him except the plan Clint knew of had no plan to get to Bucky, well not in a sense, it was to distract him and get him and Steve alone like a high school prom date request thing. It was dumb, it was idiotic, and it was completely something Bucky would find utterly _adorable_. 

“Steve..” Clint started, eyeing the back of his head as he started to jog once Bucky was in his sights, staring at him looking through the front window pane of the store just before the one they were heading towards, Brock at one side of him saying something to Jack who was pointing something out and nodding. 

Barton suddenly went from zero to a little stress, sure Brock said he wouldn’t become a raging savage and well he was already in trouble with the police but there was no official guarantee on the matter, “Hey Steve, what are you.. _where_ are you going? This isn’t the plan, _Steve_!” 

He followed after him, a roll of poster paper tucked under his arm and trying not to slide across patches of black ice as he picked up his pace, “Rogers are you even listening to me? Brock’s there, maybe we should rethink this! There’s always time to regroup!” 

“ _I gotta take a little time, a little time to think things over.._ ” Steve sang out slowly, like he was still deciding if he should or shouldn’t proceed, almost out of the street they were on and at a T junction where the shop was and there was no way Bucky would not sense Steve approaching with him out in the open and not thinking things through.

When Steve finally stopped, taking in a lungful of air, Clint stood next to him, “What the heck are you talking about or even doing?”

The blond gave him a wink and started to approach Barnes, a two way street with traffic in his path that he would either have to cross through between cars or use a crosswalk at the end of the block. “ _I better read between the lines, in case I need it when I’m older.._ ”

“Oh _no_.” Barton let out the second he realized what he was singing. Foreigner was playing in that car and now it was stuck with Steve. “Shit, Brock is going to beat his ass up and I’m going to have to tell Sam..”

Steve raised his voice a little over honking horns and motor engines as he carried on above the heavy noise of pedestrians and light music streaming from one of the pubs a couple businesses down.

Bucky swore he heard Steve, if barely, over everything. He drew away from leaning to look through the glass and turned to see that he was indeed approaching the two separate lanes of traffic without a care in the world and it seemed like he was _singing_. 

Clint followed slowly after him, wincing but patiently keeping an eye on Steve and then, two seconds later he was going through his phone and holding it up, playing the song at the highest volume because what were friends for? Steve looked back in surprise as the song started at the beginning and it seemed to make the blond falter for a moment, swallowing thickly and wondering if he should back out. 

Barton only grinned because he was an all or nothing type of guy, slowly getting into the song and singing off key, gesturing for Steve to pick it up as he stood at the street curb being an awkward idiot. 

“Go big or go home Rogers, your part’s coming up!”

Flashing him a thumbs up, Steve began to laugh, uncontrollable and _happy_ because this was stupid, so so stupid. Brock and Jack looked so confused but Bucky was oddly fascinated with whatever was going on and that was the point wasn’t it? He wanted his intent to be as silly as possible because if it didn’t work, it was just a dumb joke and nothing serious. Bucky wouldn’t be obliged.

He puffed out his chest, the song rounding up to where he last was, “ _Now this mountain I must climb, feels like a world upon my shoulders.._ ”

“Stevie?”

Jack and Brock blinked, the stoic expression on Rollins’ face shifted to a look of mild concern, “What’s he doing Buck?”

“ _Through the clouds I see love shine, it keeps me warm as life grows colder.._ ”

“I think..he’s singing.”

Bumper to bumper traffic calmed Bucky’s nerves a little as Steve began crossing the street weaving past cars with his eyes fixated on him like he was damn Jesus crossing the water. He paused in front of a cab parked next to the curb, the only thing between him and Bucky before he pressed a foot up on the bumper, voicing rising and hand going out as he sang louder, “ _In my life there’s, been heartache and pain, I don’t know if I can face it again!_ ”

Brock’s eyes went wide as he stared, really trying to get a clear idea of what was doing on. His mostly straight face shifted from one moment to the next, suddenly breaking out into a loud burst of laughter, hand clutching his side and face growing a dark red. “He’s fuckin’ singin’ Foreigner!”

“ _Can’t stop now, I’ve traveled so far, to change this lonely liiffeee.._ ”

Steve dragged the last word on as he hopped up on the hood of the taxi cab ignoring the immediate honk, throwing his arms up and then shifting them forward and out towards Bucky.

“Holy shit he’s gonna stand up there.”

People suddenly stopped and watched Steve and Bucky’s eyes went wide in surprise, “Oh my God what is he doing? Steve? _Steve_?! Steve stop it, you’re embarrassing yourself!”

Brock was practically falling on his knees in hysterics trying to keep tears from running down his face as he gripped hard to Bucky’s shoulder.

“ _I wanna know what love is! I want you to show me!_ ”

**“ _-I’ll show you what love is with a swift kick of my foot up your ass if you don’t fucking move off the hood of my car, asshole!_ ”**

Clint belted out the lines along with Steve, as were a couple of other guys and swaying to the music, holding the phone as high as he could. He dropped the poster message because _fuck it_ , Steve was already on a car singing Foreigner to Bucky, getting yelled at by the cabbie and if he wasn’t batshit crazy already, he just became batshit crazy and Clint kinda liked it on him. 

“ _I wanna feel what love is, I know you can show m-_ ” Steve flew backwards when his leg was yanked back and away from the hood tossing him off balance and yelping in surprise as his arms flapped about.

Hands came over Bucky’s mouth, the cabbie pulling Steve down and dropping him on his ass to give him a mouthful in his native tongue. Some people stood around cheering the blond on as he smiled apologetically with a hand on his butt and staring at the red faced taxi driver while Jack rolled his eyes and walked over to go make sure Steve didn’t get his ass kicked. 

Brock scoffed as he folded his arms over his chest, “What a fuckin’ joke.” 

Shoving him, Bucky trailed behind Rollins to make sure Steve was okay, Clint helping him up and waving his hand at the man yelling at him in a global gesture of surrender and apologizing about Steve’s actions.

All Steve was doing was grinning like an idiot, like he was satisfied with what he had done and Bucky stopped before him giving him a once over to make sure he really wasn’t going crazy.

“What’s _wrong_ with you?”

Smile spreading from ear to ear, Steve shrugged, hair flopping this way and that from the winter breeze and the back of his coat soaked from landing in a puddle. “I dunno Buck, think I’m finally awake.”

Bucky grabbed the edges of his jacket trying to coax a reasonable answer from Steve, his heart beating so fast he could barely think straight. Steve was so dumb and so weird and yet Bucky could feel how red he was in the face and at the tips of his ears while Steve sang _for him_ about love on top of some yellow cab and ignoring the whole world.

“You’ve officially gone nuts, Rogers.”

Panting a little as his adrenaline began to slowly seep away from him, Steve rested a hand on Bucky’s shoulder, caressing it through his thick coat before he ran it down his arm and smiled like he was staring at something so perfect, “Yeah, I have.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, birthday goal met, cheers to me! /jigs


	34. Why me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve struggles with trying to keep himself in check and finds he's forced to align alongside someone he would rather not work with while Bucky struggles to tear down walls he's built so he can talk to Dr. Potts on a more open level.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two warnings, a character (Not Buck or Steebs) admits to having thoughts of suicide in the past; also there is background HH going on that could not be placed into the extras because it progressed with the story (Plus I got no chill with them being background) and broke up flow if followers of the pair were forced to cross reference it from the extras fic and then continue where they left off in the story. I would suggest using the '*****' scene breaks if you need to. :)
> 
> [Chapter 34.pic/gif](http://kalika999.tumblr.com/post/166835909810/hunger-of-the-pine-chapter-34-steve-struggles)
> 
> Thanks to [Rancid_Rat6186](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rancid_Rat6186/pseuds/Rancid_Rat6186) for the sock bit that got stuck in my head after telling her it happened lmao and also giving me an amusing Brock idea in relation to poor Steve.

**Mid February, 2016**  
  


With a heavy sigh, Steve held up a baby blue hand towel just before the window in his kitchen, a clear gaping space through the middle of a grizzly bear that was printed on it, brown and black burn marks marring around the hole. He shook his head, resting it back against the counter next to the sink where a pan was continuing to smoke away, tough bits of blackened food still stuck to it.

“Buck’s gonna kill me.” 

Tony threw open the fire escape last, shooing away the foggy haze of smoke around him, “Think he’ll be grateful you didn’t kill his dog over destroying a tea towel..which by the way, I still gotta ask. Are you nuts?”

Steve glared over his shoulder as he blindly tried to scrape the stuck on food, “Don’t start that again.”

They were still awkward and weird around each other and every time Tony commented about something he did related to Bucky, his guard went a little up because he was sensitive about protecting him even if he knew that Tony wasn’t there to say hurtful things. Actually he was generally his reality check; blunt honesty served with a side of sassy, which he tended to appreciate at times, though not right now.

Nanook raised his head up, staring at the both of them while tucked under the kitchen table, he eyed them carefully before he went back to chewing at the large marrow bone his paws were locking down.

Shrugging casually, the brunette glanced out the window, “Hey I’m just saying what everyone’s thinking. A _dog_ Steve, really? I know you’re kind of hung up on the guy but..” He took a look at Nanook, eyes going wide, “Good God, he’s a mini horse. Are you growing a horse in your apartment? He barely fits under your card table eating area! You do see that don’t you?”

Steve definitely didn’t want to go around this ring of conversation again and he understood it would be a normal thing between them; that despite mutually agreeing it was the best thing, Bucky was always going to be the straw that broke the camel’s back. That, and Tony loved pushing buttons, literally and figuratively. It was what he did.

“ _Yes Tony_.” Steve bit out tightly, “I’m aware he’s getting bigger, it’s not like I plan to live here forever.”

Calculating eyes went from Steve then to the dog, then back to Steve, “So, you had the plan of moving when you got a surprise wolf for your not-boyfriend?”

Dropping the pan back into the sink with an audible clang, Steve rifled a hand through his hair in frustration, “I didn’t have _any_ plans, do I ever? Sam mentioned that he was working with a dog that may not be a good fit for the VA because he gets hyper focused and immediately I thought about Buck and how he fixates sometimes on things. Then my brain clicked them together and I started to ask Sam some questions, while answering some for myself. I know Bucky needed some kind of support that he could have for himself besides Clint’s dog and if housing was an issue, I would offer Nanook a place to stay if Bucky was staying here a lot anyway. I’m aware it’s not one of my best ideas ever but I don’t regret a moment of it if it makes Bucky happy.”

Gazing at him, Tony shook his head in astonishment, “You’re so far gone and I still think your panic over a hand towel is a little exaggerated.”

“Then you don’t know Buck.” Holding up the towel and sighing again, Steve just couldn’t take his eyes off it, “He _loves_ his bear embroidered kitchen towel. Maybe the seller on Etsy has some more I could buy..”

“I think you’re just being paranoid.” Tony shot back, walking past him.

“This coming from Tony Stark?” 

“Ah ha!” Tony held his hands up when Steve looked his way, the brunette grinning as he pointed a finger at him, “Nice try but we aren’t here in a smokey apartment because _I_ burnt the eggs! How do you even burn eggs? Even _I_ can cook eggs Steve, you know what I think? Too busy thinking about playing house with your not-boyfriend, that’s what I think.” 

Nanook let out a loud yawn, snorting through his nose.

“See? Even the dog agrees with me.” 

Steve rolled his eyes at him, tossing the towel into the trash, “Hopefully he won’t notice.” 

Dropping down on the couch as he pulled his phone out, Tony began composing a text, “Oh he will. Rhodey’s going to eat this video up.”

“I can’t believe you were filming me making an omelette, but you couldn’t help me.”

“I only filmed it because I knew you would mess it up, how could I help? That would be detrimental to my intended outcome. Low and behold, you did.” 

Sam opened the front door and let himself in, freezing in the doorway with a shopping bag in hand as he gazed around at the haze of smoke still lingering in the air, “ _Steve_ , you didn’t. I was gone for ten minutes, you had only _one_ job!”

Snickering and not looking up from his phone, Tony shook his head, “I’m surprised Barnes leaves you alone with his dog really.”

Narrowing his eyes, Steve pointed at him, a clean dishtowel in his hand, “Hey, I just looked away for a second.”

Making his way through and into the kitchen, Sam scanned the sink, “That isn’t a second, that’s forgetting. All you had to do was keep an eye on it on low heat and when the edges were going a little golden and there wasn’t much of a soupy center you were supposed to add the filling and fold it. What happened?”

Steve avoided Sam’s hard gaze, “Well, slow cooking was taking a little long, you said two minutes but sometimes this stove has a mind of its own and it still looked soupy after that. Tony refused to come take a glance at it so I turned the heat up and then the delivery guy showed up because Bucky ordered some marrow bones for Nanook and I asked Tony to watch the eggs but- ” Steve threw Tony a look of death, “He _didn’t_.”

“Like I should be watching eggs cook. I’m a busy man Rogers.”

Sighing out rather loudly, Sam poked at the blackened eggs with a spatula, “You’re both hopeless, no wonder you two broke up.”

Tony dropped his head back against the couch, glancing over at Sam with a hand on his chest, “Wilson, you wound me.”

Sam only gave him a long suffering look.

Steve leaned against the counter, hands tossing up into the air, “I just have a lot on my mind right now.”

Making a small noise in amusement to himself, Tony nodded as he slung his arms along the back of the couch, “Yeah, too busy making history by singing on cars.”

Steve squinted at him, “How did- ”

He turned to look at Sam who only surrendered with his hands, “Don’t even look my way.”

“Uh, get your head back into the game Rogers. You used to be all over the world wide looking at fancy art galleries and buying your fancy paints before you started to play house.”

Still looking confused, Tony rolled his eyes and switched up what he was doing on his Stark phone. He held it up as it began to play a video of Steve singing. Sam leaned to see as Steve inched closer to get a better look, catching the video title; ‘Crazy guy serenades his boyfriend on top of a cab - New York.’.

“Crazy guy? Boyfriend?”

Tony grinned wider, “You were trending in the top twenty yesterday, how did you _not_ know?”

“How’d _you_ find out so fast?”

Rolling his eyes like that was the dumbest question he had ever heard, Stark waved at Steve dismissively, “I have all my friends on alert for crazy videos. Testing out a facial recognition program, seems to work well.”

Opening his mouth to say something, Steve had no idea _what_ to say. Tony looked pretty proud of himself and Steve wasn’t sure if it was because of the software finding out about him singing to Bucky or that he found out because he loved being in the know. He turned to look at Sam who shrugged.

“He sent a text with the link as soon as he found out, you _were_ trending. Over a hundred thousand views by the time I clicked on it.”

“Oh my God.”

Turning his body to face the kitchen, Tony suddenly looked interested and Steve braced himself instinctively.

“So, spill. How’s the honeymoon going? You two do the horizontal mambo yet for fun or not?”

Steve pursed his lips, flashing him a glare and Tony shrugged at him in return. 

“What? I’m curious. Inquiring minds want to know if you’re getting your sexual needs met..or at least moving away from wanting to write love poems.” 

Rolling his eyes, Steve was sure he wasn’t _that_ predictable, turning his head towards Sam as he went to the fridge when his friend chuckled as he sliced up some bread.

“He’s past poetry, he’s taken his crazy all the way to- ” Setting down the knife, Sam dramatically put his hands out to his sides in a rendition of jazz hands singing out, “ _Every Little Thing She Does is Magic_!” 

Tony rolled his eyes staring off in thought, “Tragic.” 

Frowning, Steve looked up from peering inside the freezer, “I thought you were on _my_ side, Sam!”

“I’m on your side but, you have to admit, it is kinda funny.” 

Pulling out the rest of the eggs, Steve set them down onto the counter beside his friend, possibly holding the world’s most pathetic sad face, “Not that funny.”

*****

Bucky ran a hand across his forehead, missing the chance to pass the medium sized medicine ball to Brock when he was upright in his sit-up so it was tossed back to him when he was returning on his back after Rumlow tapped it on the floor overhead and they continued the repetitive exercise.

“You ain’t even breaking a sweat, stop slackin’.”

“My _arms_.” Bucky complained, passing the object before raising them up to be ready for the catch again.

Brock slapped the floor lightly behind him with the medicine ball before he threw it for Bucky with a shake of his head, “You don’t lift anythin' except when you put food into your mouth, that’s why.”

Bucky made a face at him and Brock only grinned, giving him a wink.

Eye’s trailed around as he continued, “So when’s Jack coming by?”

Giving a little shrug, Brock took a quick glance at the gym clock against the wall, “Be awhile yet, why?”

Finally scrapping the partner side of medicine ball sit-ups, Bucky gave Brock the ball to carry on without him, dropping down to cross his legs next to him, arms feeling like boiled spaghetti as he let them drop to his sides.

He ignored the question, “So what do I hear about you buying him stuff the past couple days?”

Obviously confused by the question, Brock’s face was unreadable for a moment, “Whadda ya mean? I buy him shit all the time.”

“Not this frequently.”

Eyes shifted away from Bucky as he focused forward again but lost count of where he was in his reps, “So what?”

“A little birdy told me you bought him that flashy new watch yesterday after that Steve thing happened.”

Now Brock _really_ didn’t wanna look his way, “Yeah well, we were all lookin’ at it and he broke his other one, might as well get it. You know how he fuckin’ gets, he’ll think about it and then not buy the damn thing because he’s so practical. End up buyin’ some cheap ass one again from some department store. If you want somethin' good, sometimes you gotta pay a little more. Outta anyone, you’d know that.”

Bucky tilted his head, trying not to smile, “I do know that. So, you bought him a watch that I clearly saw had three zeroes on the end of it just because, oh I dunno, you two are bros huh?”

Brock abruptly stopped, dropping the ball by his feet to glare at the brunette as he sat up, “That’s right. What’re ya up to?”

Shrugging innocently, Bucky counted on his fingers, “You bought him books and an expensive watch. A case of his favorite beer..”

Brock opened his mouth to retort but Bucky huffed out loudly as he pretended to think, “Also you’ve been packing him lunch- ”

“ -That was because I had extra leftovers from the night before!” 

Bucky gave him a look like he didn’t believe that at all, “And you bought him bulk coffee, that imported kind he likes too.”

“He was out!”

“You’re totally presenting.”

Screwing his face up, Brock squinted at him as he wiped his forehead with the towel he had sitting nearby, “I’m doin’ what now?”

Bucky went to say something, pausing a moment when a girl walked by in insanely tight spandex shorts and a sports bra not looking in his direction but in Brock’s who was completely focused on wiping the sweat off his skin. The moment was barely five seconds before she was gone, eyes _obvious_ in her interest and Brock didn’t even notice.

Biting at his lip, Bucky beamed, “Jesus, Jack’s completely broken your hot chick radar. She was practically on your lap.”

Confused, Brock turned his head to him, “Who was?”

“The girl that walked by not even two seconds ago, she was totally checking you out and you didn’t even look her way! Boy, Jack must have really made you happy on your date you can’t even toss a girl a smile. Damn.”

It was quiet between them, life around the gym continuing to go on as Brock stared blankly at Bucky before he exhaled heavily, “Why are you even here?” 

“Because I love you and you love me.” Bucky singsonged out annoyingly, batting lashes at him.

Rumlow had to turn away feeling his mouth attempting a smile, “Get lost.”

*****

Bucky dropped down on the couch holding Jack’s phone while he was through applications with a frown, “Jack, you don’t even had Tinder on here. What kind of man are you?”

Rollins screwed his brows together but didn’t say anything from the kitchen as Bucky snooped deeper, skimming for secret pictures hidden among pictures.

“Are you and Brock sending each other dick pics at least?” He paused, reading their texts and groaning at them, “Oh man you two are boring old biddies, holy shit. The only plus to getting into your phone is that you take hot selfies in bathrooms, don’t ever go on my phone though, there’s asstravaganza going on in there.”

Jack transferred some leftovers into a container, “I _have_ been in your phone and I could honestly say I would never want to go there again. You got a nice butt but I would feel wrong checking it out.”

“I don’t have a problem checking it out.” Clint cut in, rummaging around behind the television for some controllers.

“Of course you don’t.” Jack let out dryly, glancing at Natasha who only smiled.

She didn’t need to comment, clearing the table when she moved past him picking Liho up off the chair the cat was trying to climb up onto the table from, casually strolling over to drop her onto Bucky’s lap. “Kotyonok, you need to stop bothering Jack about Brock and the other way around, let it all fall into place at their speed and you know how Brock gets when people are pushy. Besides, you have your own love life to worry about.”

Bucky stroked along soft fur, nuzzling his face against it, “My love life? The one that doesn’t exist?”

“What about Steve?” Jack shot out.

“What _about_ Steve?” He grumped out in return, sinking into the couch and trying to hide.

Natasha smiled at Jack, playfully nudging him as she handed over a stack of dirty dishes to wash before turning to the back of Bucky’s head at the couch, “You should ask him out on a date.”

“I know you two aren’t plotting right now.”

Clint snickered.

“You _three_.”

Jack smirked, “Not at all.”

Natasha approached the couch, leaning against the back of it, “Sam showed me the video of your Romeo, he definitely wants to go on a date with you.”

Bursting out with a laugh, Bucky shook his head, “I’m pretty sure he’s just crazy.”

“I’m pretty sure he was doing a promposal actually.”

Bucky turned his head to look over at her, “You think he.. _what_?”

“It’s when- ”

“I know what a promposal is thank you, I just feel like I entered another realm.” Sighing lightly, Bucky shrugged helplessly at her, “Okay people have tried to get my attention but this is just wacky. A little too wacky if you ask me. He doesn’t do wacky, he plans romantic dinners that he would probably mess up because he’s a terrible cook or secretly get Sam to make the meal and maybe like a bouquet of flowers. He’s the guy that shows up at your door with his hair all neat when he picks you up and doesn’t get handsy in the car. Steve _does not_ jump on cars to sing for my attention. He already has my attention, he doesn’t need to make a big thing out of it, he might have to ask me in a straight forward way so I don’t miss anything but I mean, he was probably drinking before he showed up. Sometimes he has a few beers while he’s working on his paintings or I don’t know. Clint?”

The blond only raised his hands in defeat and Bucky rolled his eyes.

Natasha tilted her head, glancing up as Jack approached them, “He was definitely wooing you.” 

“ _Wooing me_? Tash, are you hearing yourself right now?” 

“I know what I said. Jack?”

Jack sat down on the loveseat, his legs stretching out comfortably, “He’s wooing you.”

“Can we please stop saying wooing? It’s weird.” 

Natasha bit her lip in thought, gazing at Bucky, her hand reaching over to brush his bangs into his hair. She knew she shouldn’t push anything but she was curious, “You know he loves you, right?”

Bucky didn’t miss a beat, Clint and Jack stopping all movements in the background, nodding with a small smile as he tucked his chin against the top of Liho’s head, “I know.”

A brow went up curiously, “You do Koto?”

“Yeah, I do!” Bucky laughed out, turning his head when he realized two other pairs of eyes were looking his way on top of Natasha’s, “Jack told me already, I asked him.”

Jack’s mouth opened to say something but he didn’t.

“He told you?”

“Yeah, he said he loves me just like you all love me.”

A hand rested up on his shoulder, “What if it wasn’t like that James? Definitely not like that.”

Bucky opened his mouth to reply as he glanced up at her, slowly recoiling it closed. Her eyes questioned the muted look of horror he seemed to be drawing out as she slowly sat down next to him.

“You don’t believe it could be more?”

His lips pursed then eventually he shook his head. 

She reached up to touch his face, fingertips lightly drawing along the curve of his cheek cupping her hand there for a second, his eyes silently looked back at her feeling those fingers drop along the side of his neck and then rest to squeeze his shoulder, “How long are you going to keep punishing yourself?”

He pressed his head forward, resting his forehead on her shoulder and she moved her hand into his hair, stroking it softly all the while Jack and Clint watched in silence as they contemplated quietly.

*****

Steve packed up his supplies and folded up the paint sheet, scrubbing a hand through his hair in thought as he stared at the painting in front of him unsure of the skyscrapers and skies full of contrasting colors, faceless people on the streets below in their own worlds. Turning his head, he glanced over at Nanook rolling himself on top of Bucky’s t-shirt and the dog froze in mid-roll on his back, staring up at Steve with his mouth half open, tongue hanging out.

Trying not to smile, Steve gestured to the painting, “What do you think?”

Nanook stayed as he was with the bonus of his tail sweeping against the cushion of the couch.

“So you like it?” 

Going back to rubbing his face into Bucky’s t-shirt he seemed done with Steve’s passing need for validation and the blond could only shrug helplessly, “I guess half liking it isn’t so bad.” 

Behind him, his phone rang and he answered it as he stuffed the sheet over some empty canvases, “Hey Buck.” 

“Hey, could you do me a favor if you’re not busy? I need you to pull up a sticky note on my laptop’s desktop for some measurements. I left it on standby at the kitchen table to recharge.”

“Sure, let me just get over there..” He dropped down on the chair before the laptop, lifting the top and hitting the space bar. “What’re you measuring?”

“The space for this really neat rocking chair I saw in Soho a week or something ago, Jack wants to check the specs out and make sure I’m not exaggerating that it’ll fit. I mean the room is fine but with the changing table, the crib, a dresser for clothes, a toy box, an area to put extra things like a car seat or hamper plus one of those diaper bin thingies..”

Steve felt something jump inside of him, smiling softly against his phone, “This is really important to you, isn’t it?”

Bucky broke off from his rambling, “Huh? Of course it is! I’m gonna Elton John the fuck outta the baby room!”

“James, don’t you _dare_. If I see one piano- ” Natasha cut in from somewhere in the background.

“Okay okay! Not that crazy! Fine, geez you’re a grump..Ow! Stop!”

Patiently waiting, Steve grinned as he glanced at a folder that was already open. What caught his eye in it was Nanook, pictures of Bucky and him in selfies together. There was a mix of naps and places they went out for walks to. A massive amount of pictures of just Nook being a puppy and he flipped through them with warm fond sensation.

The images seemed to be listed by date, under it were pictures of fancier places hosting upscale meals at restaurants that looked like you had to wear a suit to even get in and other files of what looked like old buildings still in decent condition with German street signs to the side. There were a couple of images at the tail end that didn’t look like Germany, eyes squinting at a picture of Bucky staring up at a large oil painting of some important man he guessed was a part of a royal family. He clicked it open and his gaze was mostly fixated on Bucky holding a pair of dark gloves and dressed in a fine ash suit. 

Steve was always distracted when Bucky was dressed in his suits, swallowing nervously over how he could possibly interest someone that lived in a bigger world than him. Things he could possibly dream of, Bucky may have already done or could easily do and it was him Bucky liked. It was a little awe inspiring and a little terrifying all at once. Lost in his head about Bucky was the reason he opened the default titled new folder without any worry, thinking it was more pictures of Nanook or at least more selfies of Bucky. 

He was half right.

It just wasn’t of his face. 

“Oh shit.” He blurt out, scrambling to close the folder and avert his eyes to his lap almost knocking the laptop over, and juggling his phone which had slipped from his hands and absently hung his call up, memory already flashing images of Bucky’s backside without any clothes on.

At first for a few precious seconds he didn’t know who it was and he had blanked out because of it. He assumed it was Bucky that had taken a bunch of different pictures of various rendezvous with strangers and he had a thing for taking pictures of cute bottoms. It took another few fractions of the second to realize they were the exact same ass over and over again, then there was another second or two for his eyes to roam over their body and catch dark brown hair as well as the bottom half of Bucky’s mouth in one to realize they were butt selfies. 

There were _many_ images of someone’s hand (he bet it was Johnny’s) pulling down at boxers while Bucky glanced over his shoulder, or the mystery hand was taking an ample handful. Others of what he caught were bathroom mirror pictures after showers and he did see one of him laying out on his stomach on a bed and taking a shot over his shoulder of himself. From just the afterthought of the amount of images in that folder, he was sure there were a lot more where that came from. For someone so insecure about themselves sometimes, Bucky was very secure about that ass of his and Steve wasn’t sure if that was good or bad for him right then.

He inhaled, scrubbing a hand over his face as he dragged it down and over his mouth worriedly, free hand closing the laptop as delicately as he could. He almost jumped when his phone began to go off and he stared down at Bucky’s face appearing on the screen. 

“Hello?” He let out, voice a little off and high, he coughed to try to clear it, patting a hand to his chest.

“Steve? What’s wrong you hung up on me and now you sound weird, did you find it?”

“I ah..no.” A pained expression crossed Steve’s face, closing his eyes momentarily before he forced himself to open them and get his shit together. He stared at the laptop and shook his head at it, there was no way he was opening it again, “I was going to but I saw your photos. Uh, don’t be mad but I clicked on a folder thinking it was more dog pictures and it was..something else.”

There was a long silence between them until a sound of air sucking between teeth came from Bucky.

“ _Oh_. You saw my butt.”

“I’m so sorry, I closed it. I promise, I didn’t know what I was looking at until it was too late and then I closed it and was looking away as fast as I could. I didn’t mean to look, I got distracted with Nanook’s pictures and thought there were more and- ”

“Steve!”

Abruptly closing his mouth to stop his babbling, Steve recollected himself as he frowned lightly, “Yes?”

“It’s okay. Really. I shouldn’t have asked you to look for something while my picture folder from my phone was up. I wasn’t thinking about it when I needed the measurements. I don’t care if you’re on my laptop but I didn’t realize you might care about being on there and finding my ass on full display.”

“I’m sorry.” Steve croaked out, face red and flustered, “I can’t go back on it, the folder is right there. I guess I could turn it off but that means I would still have to open it and I don’t wanna.”

Bucky sighed, almost like he was fond, “It’s alright. I can give Jack the specifications later and he’ll check it out then. Thanks for trying to do it though, it’s the thought that counts.”

They hung up and Steve’s eyes crept to the innocuous laptop sitting there before him. Shaking his head at it like they were having a conversation, he slipped out of his chair and walked backwards, finger pointed at it, “You’re the physical form of a devil on my shoulder. Stay away from me.”

He picked up the throw blanket sitting on the couch and tossed it on top of the laptop for good measure trying to get the thoughts of Bucky’s _really_ cute butt out of his head and failing miserably at it. Looking around desperately, Steve spied Nanook chewing on one of his toys on his pet bed. He headed to the door whistling a few times before the dog raised his head and saw him grabbing the leash, he was up in seconds.

“Help me. Time for walks and distractions, hopefully a lot of them?”

Nanook jumped and howled at him instead of barking, batting at front legs and Steve smiled, “Thanks.”

*****

Brock pressed a cigarette between his lips, rubbing at his nose a few times for good measure as he felt his pocket obsessively for the baggy before dipping a pair of fingers in and tracing along the top for later. The buzz had worn off by the time Jack had joined up with the others and despite the urge to do a few more lines after a smoke, the mere thought of his best friend being disappointed in him while he was practicing sobriety pushed him to keep it for later.

He took a few more seconds to dwell over that decision before he shook his head at himself and gave in, wandering away with the unlit smoke still at his mouth, slipping into the side alley just deep enough to avoid the avid drug users shooting up near the dumpsters and the dirty fuckers who were having sex despite the stench of trash already getting into Brock’s nose. Pulling out his pocket knife, he used the tip to bump a quick line before folding it and tucking it away hastily like it was a race against time but then again he was pretty sure it was. 

He dropped his head back to look up at the lightly snow-flaked sky, losing himself for a few long seconds as he nodded away finally lighting the cigarette and taking in a deep drag. He eventually forced himself back around the corner to the front, slowing his walk when he saw Jack.

“There you- ”

His eyes met Jack’s as they narrowed slightly and he stepped into his space, thumbing over his nostril like he was tending to a child with a runny nose. Brock pulled his head away and rubbed the side of his hand across his face, going back to his smoke.

“Don’t gotta advertise.” Rollins mumbled lightly as he felt the light texture between his fingers before he brushed them along his pants handing one of the two bottled beers he was holding with one hand.

Brock shrugged as he took it, exhaling smoothly and passing his cigarette, “More than half these people are on some sort of bullshit, coke ain’t nothin’.”

Jack only took the cigarette without a comment, though Brock could see by the press of lips and the clench of his jaw he did want to say something. He was distracted about that thought when he saw Clint, Johnny, Bucky and Steve step outside, Barton already holding two joints in his mouth as he looked down to zip his hoodie up and retrieve his lighter.

Brock tilted his head to Jack passing his cigarette back, “Where’s Tasha?”

Jack looked back over his shoulder, turning back to Brock with a shrug, “Probably dancing with Wilson, they were talking about it before I left, she’s fine. She ain’t a fragile flower.”

Mouth screwing up, Brock lightly shoved at Rollins, “I _know_ that, I just. Can’t help shit.”

That earned him a smile from his friend, watching him reach over to cup his jaw and give it a small affectionate pat, “I know. You wait, that kid’s gonna be havin’ you eating right out of their hand.”

Brock gave him a _look_ , scoffing at the mere thought but he didn’t argue it knowing it was probably true.

Jack subtly kept an eye on Brock’s occasional glance in the direction of Steve and company, he seemed fine with being where they were and away from the group but was still giving Rogers the eye from time to time, not that he noticed, too busy staring at Bucky clearly not worried about how he looked.

“That idiot,” Brock let out, drinking down the last bit of his beer before he set the bottle down by his feet, “Keeps starin’ at Buck like a prize..”

Tilting his head conversationally, Jack shrugged, watching eyes return back to look over at him, “Maybe because he does think that. I’m almost sure he’s in- ”

“Love? Yeah maybe. Fuckin’ idiot jumps on a car to sing a love song at ‘im and keeps runnin’ into my fist like a fuckin’ moron, I gotta think there’s somethin’ _else_ there by now, or he’s just gone stupid. I can’t decide which one.” He frowned, “Jackie, quit smilin’. It ain’t mean nothin’ with you lookin’ creepy like that. I still ain’t gonna be his friend but kinda believin’ he ain’t gonna act like Pierce. Still gonna threaten him though, I swear on my mama if he does _anything_ to Buck that hurts him..”

Jack tried to school his expression despite wanting to smile more, the more he did though, the more Brock scowled and he wasn’t interested in his best friend backpedaling on his decision. Progress was progress but he was curious, “What’s making you think that? The not being like Pierce thing?”

Rubbing his arm absently, Rumlow glanced at the ground as he toed at the base of the bottle, “You, I guess.”

“Me?”

Brock raised his head to look at him, expression serious, “Yeah you. I know a little bit about how you felt around that asshole Pierce. You didn’t much wanna be around ‘im but you did, for me. No part of me was really blind to that, I jus thought it was your way, I wasn’t gonna argue. Now that I think about it, I get it but with Rogers. You don’t..act the same. You liked him, even if you didn’t say nothin’. I know when you like someone even if you aren’t very friendly or don’t say much to ‘em. Then you protected ‘im and it got me thinkin’..once I cooled down a bit I mean. You’d never in your life think of doin’ that shit for Pierce, _ever_. You’d rather do something hurtful to yourself but you did it for Rogers and I trust your instincts Jackie, despite what I’m thinkin’.”

Jack only stared at him for a long moment, this was one of the many things he cared about from Brock, that despite being stubborn and overprotective he would try to listen to reason even if it was Jack that could be the only person to be that for him. He reached out, hand half curled into a fist to run his knuckles along Brock’s cheek. It was more out of instinct and feeling than anything else, out of _love_ that he wasn’t sure he could dare express but he felt it within himself to do it and Brock only stared back at him, allowing Jack to be so affectionate in somewhere so public. It wasn’t like they hadn’t before, holding close or Brock leaning into him when he was tired or lazy but this was still something substantial Brock should have possibly shied away from. The fact that he didn’t, well- Jack didn’t want to worry about that.

“You’re a good guy Brock, don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise.”

Brock opened his mouth, pausing when he caught Steve moving sharply past Jack’s shoulder, his arm easily shrugging Bucky off him as the brunette looked on a second before going after him trying to make another grab. Jack turned around when he caught Brock looking on, the both of them cautiously following after Steve just before they spied Ward walking up the curb with a couple friends. 

Grant barely had the chance to look up from speaking to one of them and glancing around to the people loitering on the sidewalk when Steve grabbed at his shirt and started yelling into his face, shaking him as his buddies immediately moved in to try and pull Steve off. Not that it was working. Bucky grabbed on to one of the other guys, yelling something as Clint and Johnny followed after.

“Christ. Look at this motherfucker.” Brock let out as he moved past Jack and the both of them went towards the group.

Steve ignored everyone, muscles flexing under tight capped sleeves as he pressed himself within inches of Ward’s face and continued yelling while he had him pinned against the side of someone’s car, the alarm screaming and going off into the air.

“Steve, stop!”

“Barnes call your fucking dog off me!”

All Steve saw was red the second he saw Grant Ward’s face, shoving him again as he relished at the heavy sound of his head banging against the frame of the car door, “You wanna fuck around with people huh? Well I’m your fucking consequence!” 

Clint and Johnny collectively pulled Steve off again but with one hard jostle he managed to free himself from their hands, lunging for Ward again only to suddenly find Bucky pushing himself between them.

“No. Steve!” 

Jack came in pressing a firm hand against Ward’s shoulder, narrowing his eyes in warning not to even try to do anything with Bucky’s back turned to him. His own friends backing down when they were clearly outnumbered, their eyes warily watching Brock.

Hesitating to move around Bucky, Steve swallowed feeling hands lightly curving around his and smoothing along the back of them. A part of him was still so _angry_ , thinking about how quickly the picture spread around through their social circles and how scared Bucky looked when that postcard showed up. He tried to ignore the way Bucky was trying to soothe him but it was surprisingly effective against the rage he had been building up, shoulders slumping in surrender and wrapping his arms around as he pulled him in to his chest. “I’m sorry.”

“Shh,” Bucky let out, hugging his neck, “I know. It’s easy to be mad. Let’s go inside, okay? I don’t want you getting into trouble some more with another asshole.”

Eyes flicked past Bucky, he still wanted to beat the hell out of Grant Ward, he wanted to make his life a living nightmare the way he was trying to do with Bucky but he knew it wouldn’t help things and he would end up being just like the person he hated. He envied Bucky’s patience, although not perfect, he was steadier than Steve and that was something he just couldn’t adopt right then. The more time he was around Ward, the more he wanted to hurt him.

“You too.” Bucky cut in, reaching out to grasp Brock’s arm.

Snapping out of his thoughts of possibly having a little fun at Ward’s expense, he hesitated and gave Bucky a glare which only encouraged the brunette to pull him harder and for Jack to push him to follow.

Rollins turned to the trio watching in silence, “Find another place to be tonight, which should be easy considering the fact that this is a _gay club_ , so I’m not entirely sure why you’re even here.” 

Pressing his lips together, Grant’s eyes narrowed, shoulders taut and ready while he fixed his leather jacket, “Believe it or not I was invited, figured I would check it out. Who knows, might be a novelty.”

“Yeah well,” Jack absently gestured to the lingering crowd that were keen on seeing the drama but not poking their nose in, “If you would like, I could let them know just how open minded you really are.”

Silence sat between them a moment, Ward knowing when it was a good time to back out, at least this time around. He shoved at his friend’s shoulder and tilted his head towards the side street parked cars, the trio walking away briskly ending the whole situation in peace.

Jack relaxed, in no mood to fight, he was relieved it didn’t have to get to that point to keep the idiot away. The back of his mind told him it would most likely only lead to another mess in the immediate future for Bucky. At least for now though they were able to take it easy and have fun like originally planned and he stepped back from the screeching car to make his way back inside.

The moment they all grouped up again, Sam and Natasha had looks across their faces and Bucky shook his head with his hands up in surrender, “Nothing happened!”

Sam glanced over and Steve who flashed him a scout’s honor sign which was their basic translation to ‘Yes something happened, it’s over and I promise to tell you later’. All the brunette could do was shake his head and then shrug at Natasha. 

Clint and Johnny broke apart the wary expressions, Kyle following in tow with hands in his pockets as he joined up with them upon his arrival. Storm pushed Jack towards Brock with a grin, Clint hooking his arm with Bucky’s while he finished off his last two shots at the table. He turned the brunette’s way insistently pointing towards the dance floor, “Let’s go, I wanna grind up on you!”

Steve raised a brow but then that was normal to hear he supposed, breaking out of his head when Natasha was pulling him by his hand and shaking her hips to the music alongside Sam. 

Brock groaned beside Jack, “Why're you all makin’ me dance with _him_? I hate dancin’!”

Johnny grinned, throwing an arm around Rumlow’s shoulders, “You want me to take Rollins out and show him a good time?! You can go off and be an old man!”

“I’m right here.” Jack interrupted with a roll of his eyes, playfully shoving Johnny and the pair of them starting heading with the rest of the group.

Brock watched them begin to wade into the thick of it, quickly finishing off his new beer and taking down the last five shots as fast as humanly possible before jogging after them, “Hey! Wait for me you assholes!”

Bucky was already deep in the crowd and dancing with Clint by the time they all managed to get a space altogether, both of them not giving any fucks to the swell of bodies around them or even to their present company, letting their eyes close and focus solely on the electronic music. Clint’s hand hung in the air along with others doing the same, his arm intricately painted in patterns of swirls that lit neon green under black light, a flush of bright orange with flecks of yellow reflecting in his hair while he pressed his back to Bucky and hands were grabbing at his hips, holding him.

Clint leaned in with filthy intent, their group not able to take eyes off as did strangers, partygoers around them picking up on Bucky’s hands moving in to grab hard at the front of Barton’s belt and grasp tight to it pulling his dance partner hard to the press of his jeans and they both moved in sync to the eager beat. It didn’t take very long before Clint was plastering himself completely against Bucky, head tipping back to face up to the sky and Bucky bowed his head close as the music smoothed out to climb up, preparing for a monstrous drop grinding against each other like they were somewhere alone.

Sam glanced at Nat, grinning wide as he leaned by her ear, “If I didn’t know any better I woulda been wondering about those two!”

Natasha only laughed, giving him a playful twirl before grasping at his hands. She watched them for a few seconds, giving Sam a wink, not letting go of the beat that was making her body want to move forever, “I quit questioning their relationship when we were around ten!” 

Johnny barked out a laugh behind her, pulling Steve closer so he wasn’t straggling behind. He stole a black snapback off someone’s head to pull it on backwards over his own, bouncing around Kyle as he tried getting Steve to relax, pushing them both to loosen up a little more and enjoy the environment.

Kyle was mainly the odd man out, Johnny welcoming him with arms wide open and Bucky being their common denominator, everyone else was friendly enough to include him but Bucky wanted to make sure he was up for it. He seemed to be the type who didn’t really come to clubs with groups of people and seemed like a lone wolf kind of guy in for a little bit of fun before taking someone home to get rid of that work related tension he seemed to build up. Definitely the ‘workaholic who sometimes used Tinder when he was in a bit of a sexual slump’ type. Bucky wanted him to feel like he was alright being here with them, turning his attention on him a few songs afterwards and parting from Clint with his hands pulling at the middle of Kyle’s shirt to tug him over. The male straightened up in attention, running one hand carelessly through his thick black hair ready for anything and Bucky enticingly ran his eyes down his body, licking his lips after.

“Tease!” 

Grinning at him, Bucky shook his head and pulled him in closer to dance.

Steve’s eyes roved to watch Kyle move and he couldn’t help staring at the fabric of the guy’s tight shirt curving to every bit of obvious and ample muscle while it clung desperately to his insanely ripped stomach. His long legs fit snug into stone wash jeans and he really hated how confident he carried himself. Steve kind of got Johnny, but he didn’t really know Kyle and by default that made him feel a little territorial. The guy was straightforward enough to be clear with his intentions, seemed sophisticated and put together. He was charming and took Bucky out for dinners, even considerate enough to send Bucky flowers so a lot of flags went off in him despite Kyle doing nothing out of the ordinary and Steve was pretty sure it was _him_ feeling threatened which he was disappointed at himself for feeling. He didn’t step in to interfere but he felt bothered by flashes of sinful smiles and palms roaming along Bucky’s hips as they moved together, a pang of jealousy hitting him when he watched those hands slide back towards the curve of Bucky’s ass and grab him through his ludicrously tight skinny jeans. 

He felt a hand hit him hard in the chest, _too hard_ , turning with a wince and a hand on himself as Clint shook his head at him. Barton’s mouth turned up with a crooked grin and a roll of his eyes as they continued going through the motions together on the dance floor. 

Clint leaned close to his ear, shoulders bouncing along, “You’re a shitty dance partner Rogers!”

“I haven’t found the right partner!” Steve threw back.

Scoffing out a laugh, Clint held his hands up theatrically like he was being held up, “Don’t blame this one on me or did you miss the way I was practically getting dicked a few minutes ago in the middle of a sea of people?! I’m a _fantastic_ dance partner!” 

Steve shared his laughter, pushing his hands together for forgiveness before Clint shrugged casually like he wasn’t sure the blond deserved it.

“Show me some moves lover boy! I know you’re capable of something other than a stiff robot when you’re not trying to be jealous!”

Huffing out loudly, Steve shook his head as he glanced up at the roof knowing he wouldn’t win this argument either way so he said nothing back, letting his body do the talking for him, grabbing Clint by the arm and pulling him closer so they could really get to dancing together.

 

Steve was having a great time, one of the host Queens introduced Loki who stepped over wearing a confident smirk across his features, headphones around his neck as he bowed to the cheers and blew a kiss. He turned his head to ogle the dancers at the side taking a small break before he headed to his station and Bucky moved in to slap Clint on the arm and tug him away.

“Hey leave my partner alone!”

Bucky turned Steve’s way with a grin, “Since Loki’s about to start, we’re gonna go dance up on stage with the dancers, you’re more than welcome to come with us!”

“Yeah! Come on Steve! Everyone wants to see you shakin’ it!” Johnny shouted by his ear, hands shoving Kyle along who looked as lost as Steve felt but was going along despite the confusion.

Looking around for someone else to dance with as an excuse, Jack and Brock had kicked it at some point before the last song and Sam was hogging Natasha all to himself and seemed like he wasn’t willing to share. They only broke away so they could hoot and holler at the guys getting up to join the oiled up and body painted go-go dancers in tight neon colored short shorts and nothing else. He wondered if it was maybe time to grab a stool and have a drink, absently making an excuse about needing the bathroom and scrambling out of there. It’s not that he was _shy_ per say, he just wasn’t sure he was drunk enough to dance half naked for a crowd of strangers like the others were. 

 

Steve found himself flanked by two bodies halfway through Loki’s set, Kyle at one side shirtless and draped with smudges of black light body paint, hand prints all over his skin as he raised a single finger for a beer. Johnny bumped into Steve’s other side and shouted for two double vodka crans, the blond turning his head to him.

Johnny threw a wild grin his way, “You should go dance, Bucky’s all up for dancing tonight!” He stretched his arm out and jabbed his fingers at Kyle’s arm before slapping Steve on the chest, “Hey Kyle! This Steve is the certified USDA prime beef reason Barnes is off the market!” 

Steve immediately shook his head, holding hands up in denial, thumb and index wrapped around the neck of his bottle, “I’m not though!”

A sly grin spread across Kyle’s face, fingers thoughtfully rubbing across his neatly trimmed beard, “Yeah he’s definitely the reason. He’s been checking you out all night!” 

Rolling his eyes, Steve turned to drink his beer, maybe he kind of knew that but _still_. 

The bartender brought their orders over soon after and Johnny prodded him, “Seriously, I keep telling you. He wants _you_ to dance with, not that guy, not me.”

“I _know_. I mean I guess so,” Steve nervously brushed his fingers through his hair before folding his arms over the bar and leaned forward, “I understand that now, but he’s fucking dangerous- ”

Johnny burst out in a fit of laughter, managing to cup a hand over his mouth so he didn’t spit his drink up but he was nodding before Steve could take it the wrong way, gesturing to give him a moment before he collected himself and coughed a few times to clear his throat. He waved a hand in forgiveness, “Sorry but, that was good. _Really_ good. But then he’s supposed to be dangerous, he’s easy and free, he’s freaking _flirting_ with you and everything’s off the table now. That’s how he likes things and he wants to do that with you. _Take it_.” 

“I just,” He sighed, he didn’t know what to say. 

Nudging him, Jo smiled as he held the frosted solo cup to his lips and leaned closer, “He likes you, you like him. What’s so damn complicated about that? You know he gave up sex for you, right? It’s what I meant when I said he was off the market! No more! Zilch! Finito!”

Steve laughed, shaking his head in disbelief as he stared down at the wood grain before him. He thought a few seconds before looking back at Johnny, “There’s no way! I saw you two dancing!” He pointed helplessly at Kyle, “I saw _them_ dancing!”

Johnny leaned closer by his ear, “Yeah guy, _dancing_. Did you see him kissing either of us? You know he would have kissed me..” He raised his head to Kyle leaning hard against Steve’s side to really get his attention, “No offense bro!”

Shaking his head, Kyle grinned as he swayed his body lazily to the music, “None taken!”

“I just don’t really know!”

“Your loss, keep moping over here. You’re definitely missing out!” Shrugging at Steve, Johnny fixed the backwards snapback still on his head and pulled at Kyle’s arm, both heading back on the stage with Bucky’s drink. Bucky still dancing away with a tall burly looking man in tight studded leather pants and an officer’s cap, twirling the brunette around like he was the most cutest thing in the world, the pair of them sharing a laugh after Bucky fell into his arms from tripping over his own two feet.

Steve smiled at the sight, Bucky’s sheer delight always infectious, finishing off the last of his drink as he watched Kyle and Johnny quickly reaching the stage and taking the side stairs, a couple guys welcoming them back, the pair of them dropping back into the swing of it. 

Johnny tugged at the hem of Bucky’s shirt and all the brunette could do was laugh when he felt it, turning around for him and stepping into his space, the screaming of the crowd and the thick rising bass of the music was making him dizzy and buzzy with excitement as he lifted his arms for Jo, allowing his t-shirt to come off and away watching it go somewhere into the bodies before the stage. Guys were dancing around them, some knocking colorful beach balls through the air and shooting off bubble blowers while Johnny only focused on him with a grin, the backwards cap making him look more boyish than he already did. He handed Bucky the plastic cup receiving an appreciative grin, drinking down the vodka as quickly as he could so his hands were free again.

They both moved along to the EDM climbing for the drop, only looking up when wild screams filled the air catching silver confetti raining down on them the exact moment it did and Bucky wasn’t sure what it was about all this; the booze, the bubble gum fluorescent glow lighting washing over them that randomly changed to other colors of the rainbow, the amazing music, the crowd or just his company but it brought a happiness to his heart.

Bucky was brought back down when Johnny slid a hand along his cheek, pressing it lightly over his heart as he was coaxing him in like there was no one around them anymore, skin pressing up against warm skin after Jo lost his shirt, grip anchoring him at his hip. Bucky’s own hands came up, leaning in so he could drape his arms around Jo’s waist, tapping a beat against his butt and they both smiled to each other swaying along so close their noses brushed just before Bucky tilted his away, turning to press his back against him. Johnny’s palm skimmed up along his chest, draping his arm around Bucky’s neck to keep him close, elbow tucked against the notch before his throat and let the brunette press his ass in like he always liked, Jo tracing out the outline of Bucky's ear with the tip of his nose, bodies locked in and pressed close. 

Bucky just wanted this, to be like this, maybe it was a minor adjustment of saying no to sex but it didn’t stop him from letting go of some of his inhibitions while he was having a few drinks. Besides, his eyes grazed along the crowd until it roamed back along to the side where Steve was climbing the stairs while sipping on a beer. He easily could have joined, showing off that amazing body of his and even going shirtless but Bucky wasn’t going to force him if he didn’t want to, their eyes catching each other and Bucky smiled wider as he gave him a wink. Steve suddenly looked startled, smiling shyly as he glanced away and it only made Bucky giddy. He was okay like this, bodies moving with ease to the music that spun around them and soaked into their very soul basked in the electric energy and crowds of people laughing, cheering and dancing, all having a good time. Steve was close enough to be within flirting distance even if he didn’t want to join him on stage, Bucky was just fine putting a show on for him.

The lights spun in a kaleidoscope of various colors as Bucky stared up at them moving around in different patterns all across the crowd packed in like sardines on the dance floor, his arms sweeping up in the air going with the bounce of beats alongside everyone else on stage while hands pressed around his hips and Johnny pulled him in tighter feeling exactly what he was hiding under those comfortable and casual blue jeans he liked so much.

Biting his lip Bucky smiled coyishly as he turned again, wrapping his arms around Jo’s neck and pressing a kiss against his cheek, palms skimming around to rest at his lower back. Someone else’s hand elicited a gasp from him when it grabbed his ass only laughing when he realized it was Kyle behind him, lightly punching his bare chest. Kyle grinned and Bucky so enjoyed how feral the male tended to look under sweeping lights and dancing shadows, tilting his head to invite him in. 

Bucky sandwiched his body between theirs, his hand hooking around behind him and into Kyle’s hair as his other rested against Johnny’s shoulder. Storm watched hips grinding low and dirty, hands roving across Bucky’s sides and he leaned in, nose nudging Bucky’s cheek, receiving more access with a tilt of his head and Jo trailed playful kisses down unfettered skin. Kyle’s own rough and thick stubble scraped against the back of Bucky’s neck rubbing the pale canvas red as he heard giggles to the ticklish sensations from the both of them. Bucky allowed his eyes to close, all three bodies moving together, pressed in tight and moving to the perfect sexy beat of the music.

Steve watched at the side against the railing of the stairs entranced by Bucky and only Bucky not noticing he had company approaching him from behind and Brock was suddenly there swinging an arm drunkenly around his neck. It locked itself in naturally and he was literally put in a choke hold, body stooping just a slight as Brock forced him downwards and pressed the side of his head against Steve’s. 

He could smell the alcohol hanging off him, realizing when he cut out after a couple of songs him and Jack probably went to get their drinking in and he stilled a little, surrounded by so many bodies who had no idea what could possibly happen in the next couple of seconds.

Like he knew what Steve was thinking, Brock tightened his hold against his throat and Steve tried his best not to do anything to stress over it, Rumlow turning his head slightly as his hot breath ran over Steve’s ear.

“I don’t fuckin’ like ya. Not. At. All.”

Steve pressed his lips together in a grimace, nodding slowly suddenly feeling that creepy sensation a la Ripley getting an up close and personal introduction to xenomorphs. Brock literally smelled like a distillery and he _swore_ up and down that he cleared a whole bottle of something straight up before he approached him, he could only assume it was how he got so wasted so quick and he was failing at trying to figure out how to get out of the situation without ending up in a fight.

Brock chuckled a little loftily, loud and obtrusive in his ear when the bitterness seeped into it, “But since Buck seems to like ya enough..God knows how riled up he gets come hell or high water just to protect ya. Cuz you’re so damn _special_ to him an’ I don’t even wanna fuckin’ know what the hell you were doin’ on that car bein’ a damn idiot..”

Steve’s eyes met with Bucky’s when the brunette could finally see him and he completely stopped dancing, quickly moving around some of the go go dancers and from his dance partners to cut across the stage for the pair of them.

“..Are ya listenin’ Rogers?” Brock shook him roughly as he squeezed tighter and Steve’s face twisted slightly to the discomfort, nodding to him. Two fingers flicked to thump at the side of Steve’s skull and Brock smiled satisfactorily, “Good cuz you hurt him- and I _know_ I said this. I _fuckin’ know_. But I gotta tell you again because you’re a damn idiot. Buck..he’s my kid, he’s my damn guardian angel ‘right? If he wants me to jump, yer damn right I’m gonna jump for ‘im. This guy, he deserves to be someone’s _everythin'_. You understand?”

Steve swallowed thickly, “Brock, I- ” 

Brock loosened his hold and ignored what Steve was trying to say, slipping around so they were eye to eye and he raised his finger menacingly between them, “So..so you hurt him I’ll beat the life outta you and not just to the hospital, I’ll do it til yer blue. I promise. Him and Jackie say you ain’t like Pierce..” 

Swaying slightly, Steve stared at him in seriousness despite the rainbow of colors flashing across their faces and grabbed Brock’s arm to keep him upright despite his life being threatened.

Unfocused eyes turned to look at the hand on his arm before he returned to glare again, leaning in closer by Steve’s ear, “That fucker got what was comin’ to ‘im..” 

The pair of them both straightened up at the same time, Steve trying his hardest not to take that as something more sinister than just a threat. He eyed Brock, the brunette’s glazed expression not giving him anything more than what he said, Bucky coming down the side steps behind him and hooking an arm around Rumlow’s arm causing him to turn his way.

“What’re you doing to Steve huh?!”

Smiling stupidly, Brock hooked an arm around Steve’s neck again, this time more friendly and loose as he leaned in and pressed a wet smacking kiss on Steve’s cheek, “Just talkin’!”

“Don’t lie!” Bucky let out sternly, not up for any funny business despite the fact that he was shirtless while saying it, lights twinkling off the ball chain and keys hanging off his neck.

Rumlow raised his hands in surrender before bringing them forward and cupping Bucky’s face tenderly, “Nothin’ Baby, just tellin’ him how it is. I gave ‘im my blessin’, both of you can go do whatever you two wanna do and if he breaks your heart I’m gonna slit his fuckin’ throat!”

“Brock..” Bucky started, frowning at him.

“I love ya!” He yelled out over the sudden shrill of the music shifting, leaning in to kiss Bucky on the mouth, sloppy but quick, grinning as he drew back, Jack was pushing his way through and grabbing at the back of his best friend’s shirt.

“Can’t even fuckin’ go take a damn piss without you makin’ trouble!”

Whirling around, Brock brightened and his hands gripped at Rollins’ biceps, “Jackie I love you the most!”

Steve and Bucky exchanged expressions, Bucky’s mouth twitching before he broke out in a laugh and Steve warily grinned because what else could he really do? Jack shook his head looking at the both of them over Brock’s shoulder.

“Come on, let’s get you some water asshole.”

“Jackie, I ain’t want no damn water! Let’s go do some fuckin’ body shots!”

Bucky could see the color drain from Jack’s face, jogging up behind him to smack his butt, nodding encouragingly as his thumbs shot up. Jack only rolled his eyes, both hands planted on Brock’s shoulders as he led him back out through the crowd.

Rubbing his throat, Steve glanced up to see the burly man and Clint walking along and chatting about something, Clint pressing a mixed drink in Bucky’s hand and led him towards their booth upstairs. Steve and the ‘bear biker’ nodded to each other as they followed along and he attempted to get Natasha and Sam to follow but they had lodged themselves with a group of girls and seemed content to stay on the dance floor.

  


Too many drinks in Steve began to cut himself off in case Brock felt a bit more festive or something else happened. He wanted to make sure Bucky was okay and safe while having fun and he was already a little up and down watching Bucky knock back everything that was offered to him, face flushed and beaming. They stayed put until a song came on that Clint was adamant that they all dance to, Steve sent the three on their way and promised to join when the room didn’t feel like it was threatening to spin on him. He let his head slump back and he closed his eyes, barely registering at some point a hand forcing his eye open and Jack looking down at him.

“You good?”

Steve raised a thumb up and Jack nodded, taking a seat across the table. He didn’t seem too drunk, holding a beer and watching Brock as he danced with a girl by the railing overlooking the floor below, smiling and shaking his head to something Steve couldn’t figure out. He only let his eyes close again, his head was feeling heavy but at least his body was comfortable and warm.

Feeling himself fade off, the music began to sink away and he was sure he had passed out for a few minutes, or maybe twenty, he wasn’t sure only startled when Bucky moved his arm off his leg.

“Buck?”

“If you won’t come dance with me, I’ll dance with you right here.”

Before Steve could even ask what the hell Bucky was up to, looking across the booth at Jack for help, Bucky was leaning in close and pressing both hands against Steve’s knees to push them apart. All Jack could do was shrug helplessly before he moved away to go look for where Brock ran off to, ditching him with Bucky drunk and practically crawling onto his lap. 

Steve was pulled back in when Bucky’s breath danced along his jaw, mouth too close to his ear, “No touching.”

“I..” Steve’s brain left him as he sat stuck in a slow broken record loop while Bucky detoured from what he wanted to do, pressing thighs back together and promptly climbed up onto his lap, knees planted and bracketing Steve in.

He stared at Bucky holding himself up as he watched those hips undulate slow and controlled, rising up and then falling gradual and measured like a cup of honey pouring out at its own leisure. Bucky had so much power centered right there, thick strong thighs effortlessly working along with the rhythm of the music and Steve moved his hand up to his mouth only to find himself drooling like an idiot at the corner of his mouth. It was subtle and not even noticeable but he did it nonetheless, his eyes tracking Bucky’s hand brushing over his stomach and slowly sliding up his chest feeling himself up while Steve sat helplessly at his mercy. He was sure Bucky could give lap dances for a living because Lord Almighty Steve wasn’t sure his bank account would have been safe if he suddenly found himself in a club one night and was presented with this. 

The area was dark, faint soft hues of neon purple and pinks dancing around with thrumming music that felt like it was pushing Bucky for more and Steve watched him climb off and turn around slow and careful. Despite flushed face and the sweat beading his hairline, he had deceptively good balance when he wanted to, hips swaying from side to side, showing off a little before his hands slid along Steve’s jean clad thighs as he moved in.

Steve rested his hands on the leather padding of their booth seat and had to remember to breathe just before Bucky was settled down in his lap, a playful giggle escaping him as Steve’s fingers twitched in need to hold Bucky’s hips. Glancing his way with a tilt of his head, Bucky looked at him, shy and blushing, biting at the swell of his bottom lip that Steve was sure were nerves but looked sexy as hell to him. Dampened bangs fell forward across Bucky’s forehead and it took a moment for him to move back against Steve entirely, laughing a little more against the impact of the music making Steve’s heart leap. 

Bucky swayed his hips along, dropping his head back and close, tucking it against Steve’s neck in shyness like he had no choice but to listen to what his body wanted to do. Maybe that was the way it was with him sometimes and Steve couldn’t help tilting his head sideways to nudge against Bucky’s to help him hide. 

“God I wanna touch you.” He admit out, biting down on his tongue to stop himself from letting out too much.

“No touching.” Bucky repeated against his skin, heels of his hands holding himself up as they bracketed the outside of Steve’s thighs.

Steve didn’t bother to coax Bucky to stop, his mind slowly losing itself as he tried to prepare himself for possible embarrassment and ways to get out of it but it wasn’t quick enough, Bucky all too eager to rub up against him and writhe about on his lap with punishing determination. It was clear intent that his own dick was waking up to as Bucky established a filthy and perfect little grind on top of him. Steve couldn’t help drop his head back over it, fingers digging firmly into the leather as he stared in awe at how despite the four layers of clothing between them it looked like Bucky was doing more than just gyrating on him.

He let his eyes shut tight over the friction, Bucky’s head dropping back against his Steve’s shoulder and instinct told him to mark that pink soft skin while he was there draped over his body, his mind completely devoid of anything but wanting to reciprocate and give the brunette everything he was giving him. There was no way he would be hiding the pronounced line of his cock pressing painfully against his jeans soon anyway, Bucky rubbing himself and hips seductively moving in slow circles to torture Steve outright.

Steve could feel his breathing began to come out tortured and ragged, peeking sidelong at spit licked lips with one trapped between teeth and he almost felt like he was going to burst from that sight alone. Experimentally he shifted his hips a little and it was almost painful how wound up he was feeling, choking down a gasp and watching the way Bucky softly moved parallel to how he may if he was sitting around his dick. His mind made an effort to remember as much as he could, head still slightly foggy and thick but he was _aware_ staring off at the way he could actually see Bucky’s nipples because Johnny was the smartest man alive to get him to remove that t-shirt. Except those pert nipples were going to kill him before he even had the chance to even kiss him.

“You’re so good Bucky, _fuck_..” He wanted to say more, run his mouth and praise Bucky all night until he couldn’t take it anymore and shut him up with his mouth. It wasn’t like he disliked it right then either, body shivering to words and rubbing himself onto him all shameless and full of want. It was just that Bucky was a lot more intoxicated than he was and despite knowing how he felt he was never going to feel good knowing that despite all the signals to go, he would still be taking advantage. 

He grabbed at thick taut thighs and lingered a few seconds over how they felt under his hands before he was carefully shifting Bucky off who only looked at him quizzically.

“Steve?”

Steve had to grin, shaking his head and not able to help himself but lean in and kiss his cheek, “Giving me a problem where I can’t walk outta here like the gentleman I can be if you keep grinding on me like you are..I’m sure you catch my drift.”

He was sure Bucky did, cheeks pinking darker and his hand sweeping down to adjust himself in the shadowed seating area because the feeling was obviously mutual and Steve fought the urge to touch him some more. Thoughts of laying him back on soft leather as he climbed over him between spread legs taking over his mind.

“Sorry Stevie..getting carried away.”

Bucky actually looked guilty for it and Steve kissed nose this time, nuzzling affectionately and rubbing along his cheekbone, lingering there wanting to assure him that he wasn’t upset but he did have to put some space between them for a few minutes just to calm himself down. He reached over and took his hand, “Wait for me, I’ll be back. Okay?”

Giving his hand a squeeze Bucky nodded silently before Steve was satisfied he would sit still and he left for the bathroom to wet his face and take a moment.

 

Bucky wasn’t waiting for him where Steve had left him when he got back, but he was close by, arms braced against the railing as he rocked hips along with the music and nodded to a girl mimicking the same posture while she leaned just close enough so he could hear her, holding a pair of attached glowing pots of paint. She was pointing out something and he was close to her ear to respond, both laughing as they bumped shoulders and Steve lightly tapped Bucky’s side to let him know he was back. Turning with furrowed brows, they smoothed out almost immediately as he threw his arms out and Steve leaned in to them to give him a hug. Little tiny stars sat painted at the side of his face beside his eye, a line running down the bridge of his nose, four dots across each brow, the paint illuminated under the black lights and Steve was smiling at how Bucky was finally caught after being without designs all this time.

“This is my Stevie!” He called out over the noise, holding the girl’s arm to get her to turn. 

She looked up with a smile, waving a hand, “Hi, wow you weren’t kidding. He’s really cute!”

Bucky broke out in a blushy mess of giggles, curling himself against Steve’s side as he hid his face Steve sure that it was because he wasn’t supposed to hear that part. He only laughed over it, holding the brunette close, “Yeah well Bucky’s cute too, we even out!”

The comment spurned Bucky to look up, red blooming darker across cheeks before he pressed his face against shoulder again. The girl raised her brush, gesturing towards Steve’s face and his brain blanked out as he shrugged helplessly.

“Just one cheek?!” She inquired, wiggling glowing brows at him.

Steve gave in and nodded, leaning down a little for her to reach as she painted a happy little sun against his cheek, blowing lightly so it dried faster before she flashed him a thumbs up, “Thanks!”

He grinned back at her before playfully nudging at Bucky, getting him to raise his head and he gave him a smile, “Dance with me?”

Bucky stared at then sun and brightened, nodding immediately, turning to wave goodbye as the girl did the same. Tugging him along, Bucky tripped over steps and Steve kept a tight arm around his waist to make sure he didn’t go flying down them face first. 

Insistently being pulled when they reached the bottom, Steve had to nod and smile a few times around strangers they pushed past before Bucky finally found a spot to his satisfaction and turned around into his space, throwing an arm around. Despite loud obtrusive dance music pumping through the speakers and bouncing off their skin Bucky had a slower beat in his head, his other arm coming up to drape around Steve’s neck as he was held tight. 

Steve felt like he had the same beat as Bucky did in his head, wrapping his arms around Bucky’s waist and they were pressed unbelievably close, hips swaying together to their own tune. His palms ran along smooth skin feeling Bucky cuddle in close, it was nice like that.

“That’s not how you dance!” Johnny broke in, head leaning close to theirs before he grinned and gave them both a wink, moving shoulders in sync to the beat. 

Natasha held one of his hands as she shook her hips with Clint leaning close and mimicking the moves behind her, Sam holding her other hand, raising her arm with his as he sang along to the lyrics. They were now all collectively painted in various ways with black light paint, colors bouncing off their skin like everyone else around them had.

Bucky broke out in a grin and planted a big kiss on Johnny’s cheek and Steve, feeling goofy and fun planted one on Storm’s other cheek, Kyle following the train of people with a red solo cup held up high and cheering the three of them on. 

They watched the group head deeper into the pit of bodies before Bucky turned back to Steve, smiling gently, “Hi.”

“Hi to you.”

The beat rose before it burst into a crash of loud bouncing bass music and it was like they were the only two standing still under a rain of rainbow colored confetti that flew through the sea of bodies letting loose like waves in an ocean. 

Bucky smiling softly as his arms draped slack against Steve’s shoulders, “You’re my favorite person Stevie, you know that?”

Steve slipped his hands off Bucky’s hips, cupping them at the small of his back as he returned the smile, “You’re my favorite person.”

Pushing their foreheads together, they easily picked up where they left off and danced to their own music, too much into each other’s worlds to care too much about anything else, things were perfect just like this.

*****

The both of them fell against the wall and broke out in a mess of laughter, Bucky holding tight to Steve’s shirt as he couldn’t do anything but press his butt against the wall to keep himself upright as his face pushed into Steve’s chest.

Steve struggled himself, losing all effort to use his own strength as they both moved in a sideways sway into the living room, “Buck, _come on_. There’s no way I’m going to be able to handle the both of us..” 

That only made Bucky giggle loudly, a hiccuped squeak hopping out and it made him laugh longer, slowly climbing himself upwards to wrap his arms around Steve’s neck, his head dropping to the side as he stared at him. A hand reached to pet his face, “You’re so pretty Stevie.” 

Grinning widely, Steve pressed a kiss against his palm, “You’re pretty too Buck. Much more prettier than me.” 

“No!” Bucky cried out with a smile as he stumbled to turn away, fumbling against the wall and slightly sliding along it towards the floor.

“Yes!” Steve exclaimed and he couldn’t hold back his own giggles as he dramatically reached for Bucky, “ _Where you think you’re going, baby?_ ” Collapsing on his knees beside him, he threw his arms out like he was asking a huge question, “ _Hey I just met you, and this is crazy.._ ” 

Bucky’s eyes widened when he raised his head and slapped a hand unceremoniously over Steve’s mouth, “Steve, _no_.”

Steve wiggled his eyebrows at him and ever so trusting, Bucky carefully moved his hand, the blond not missing a beat, “ _But here’s my number, so call me maybe?_ ”

Mouth dropping open, Bucky stared at him as Steve only tried to look as serious as possible, lips fighting to stay still as Nanook approached and sat beside them, tilting his head in confusion. They both burst out laughing and the dog only drew his head the other way not understanding as Bucky brought his arms out and hugged him.

“Oh God I love my dog, he doesn’t sing tacky songs to me.”

“Water, we need water..” Steve mumbled as he struggled to get back onto his feet, hand gripping the couch a moment before he walked into the kitchen.

Bucky only focused on Nanook, fascinated with rubbing his face against the dog’s fur and smiling as he occasionally received licks to the face.

“Here.”

Bucky glanced up from his petting, Steve knelt down with a glass of water held out for him while he was drinking from another one. Bucky was more interested in how soft Steve seemed to look under lamplight, reaching his hand out to cup at his jaw receiving a gentle smile for it. He smiled back as fingers traced the outside of his ear, “You really are beautiful.”

Steve seemed surprised, the expression not able to hide itself. He had a small wash towel in hand with his glass, setting his water down to clean the body paint of Bucky’s face, already done for himself at the kitchen. He vaguely tossed the towel towards the counters and eased himself to sit, leaning against the front of the couch as he put his arms out and Bucky took the invitation to sit across his lap, resting his head against shoulder. Nanook followed, draping himself unceremoniously across Steve’s shins.

They were quiet, sleep lingering around but not coming in just yet and Bucky only continued petting at Steve’s beard contently.

“All I wanna do is take care of you.” Steve finally let out softly, as if thinking out loud, pressing a kiss into Bucky’s hair.

Bucky felt himself smile, his fingers reaching up to lightly trace the bottom of Steve’s lip, “I want to do the same thing with you. I wanna make you happy.”

That warmth within Steve got a little brighter, kissing the tip of Bucky’s finger gently, “You already do that Buck, trust me. You do.”

Lifting his head slowly, Bucky took a good look at Steve’s face as he contemplated, fingers brushing up to sweep blond and brown strands back and away from his face, “I’m sorry about Ward.”

Steve blinked a few times in thought, mouth opening before it closed again and he frowned slightly, “I don’t care about him, I care about _you_. You have to understand how badly I just want to protect you.”

Bucky made a face, “You shouldn’t have- ”

Leaning in to bump their foreheads together gingerly, Steve stopped Bucky’s words mid-sentence, “Can you just shut the hell up for once and let me do what I want to do, which is be your shield in life if I need to be?”

Bucky felt himself all but melt in his arms just from Steve’s words alone, hold tightening around him while his mind felt like it was floating along on some peaceful trip upstream. He snaked his arms around Steve’s neck before tucking his face away against his neck, “What’re you asking from me Stevie?”

“A chance Buck..but let’s talk about this when you’re sober. Okay?”

“Plenty sober. You’re not sober either.” Bucky argued petulantly, lips curving into a frown against Steve’s jaw, both eyes trying to close while he fought to keep at least one open.

Steve slid a hand up Bucky’s back as he chuckled to himself, dull nails scratched gently at the back of the brunette’s neck like a cat, feeling his body lean heavily against him, “Need sleep, both of us.”

“Carry me please?”

Laughing softly, Steve nodded against him and Bucky swore he felt more kisses going into his hair before he heard him quietly shooing Nanook off his legs.

“I’m a lil drunk still, I’ll try not to drop you.”

Bucky made a noise of protest at the mere idea, hugging Steve’s neck tighter as he was picked up bridal style with a little bit of a wobble and Steve exhaling a little. When they began to move, Nanook followed closely behind and Bucky let himself relax and drop his head back, humming along to himself.

“Stop being dead weight.”

“Don’t call me fat.”

Steve dropped him on the bed, “I’m not, it’s just really hot and I didn’t wanna drop you- ” 

Pausing to pull his shirt off over his head, Bucky’s eyes widened as he watched the unintentional show, half propped up on one elbow and roaming his eyes down Steve’s stomach, “Am I in heaven?”

“What?” Steve mumbled out as he tossed the item at the laundry basket, turning back to Bucky practically drooling as he laid out in a half confused haze, “ _No_. It’s hot.”

Lost expression quickly schooling into delight, Bucky tilted his head a little, “You can climb over me.”

“That..” Steve turned around and went to the drawers for clothes, “That doesn’t even make sense Buck.”

He peeked at Bucky from the corner of his eye, watching as he slowly unzipped the hoodie he brought with him to the club, t-shirt lost forever that should have been underneath, chest casually rising and falling as the fabric slipped off and to the sides. Steve was pretty sure this was a semi-bad idea, coming back with changes of clothes and pulling on a white t-shirt.

“Buck, put your dinosaur pajamas on.”

He waited a few minutes just to see if he would and eventually Bucky started to, slowly sitting himself up with Nanook laid out beside him as he watched in keen interest. Steve took the chance to get out of his jeans and pull his sweatpants over, biting his lip over needing to take a shower but he wasn’t sure about the idea of leaving Bucky half intoxicated and alone.

“I can’t get this belt off.”

Steve paused, letting his eyes close before he opened them and shook his head, pulling Bucky to his feet, “I hope you aren’t trying to con me here.”

Smiling sleepily, Bucky moved into his space, shaking his head as he took hands and directed them to his waist, “You can do it slowly, I know you know how.”

“ _Jesus_ , Buck.” Steve swallowed in a daze trying to shake his head out of the thoughts collecting, a small grin across his face as he managed to undo the belt without too much effort and kept his gaze locked with Bucky’s while he undid his fly, “You should be going to sleep.”

Instead of answering Bucky directed Steve’s hands back to his hips, palms molded just up at his waist before he gently directed them to move down and push his jeans with them, Steve purposefully left enough weight off so his boxer briefs didn’t follow them because he really didn’t fucking need that in his life right then. Though he could still feel the meatiness of his thighs through very thin fabric, among other places if he so wanted to, and Steve let them wander a little. Fingers slid behind and just past the legs of his underwear to actual hairless skin as Bucky gave him permission, shifting himself closer to his chest, the warmth of his breath brushing near his ear.

“You can touch me, anywhere. If you want.”

Steve exhaled through his nose, his will waning and unsure of what was true to Bucky and what was the alcohol speaking. The tip of Bucky’s nose brushed along his ear and Steve’s hands skirted up, parking just underneath handfuls of Bucky’s ass before he picked him up and Bucky let out a small squeak of surprise.

They both collapsed on the bed, an arm locked around his neck with Bucky staring wide eyed in surprise at him, Steve gave him a little Eskimo kiss before he broke away, taking skinny jeans with him and peeling them completely off. He unfolded the pajama bottoms and got them on long legs half hanging off the bed all the while Bucky stared at him like he was so very lost about everything. 

Steve pressed in closer and managed to hover over him at the edge of the bed, yanking the pants up past his behind and tying a small little bow with the drawstrings. He took a second to stare at Bucky’s navel peeking at him, hand softly sweeping over his soft stomach, abs just barely there, the pads of his fingers tracing them out as Bucky only laid still for him with his fingers curled around the edges of his shirt. 

Moving around Bucky’s leg to sit himself down next to him, he pulled him to sit up and did up the buttons on his top, “Come on, let’s get some rest. Okay?”

A yawn caught Bucky, nodded with the back of his hand rubbing at his eye and they crawled under the covers together, Steve curling around behind him and wrapping him up in his arms tightly. He pressed a kiss against the back of his neck, brushing the tip of his nose lightly in the spot as Bucky balled himself up as tight as he could.

“I mean it.”

Bucky yawned again, rubbing his cheek into the pillow, “What?”

Steve squeezed him against his body, face pressed along the back of Bucky’s neck and waiting until he stopped squirming from being tickled, “You don’t have to run anymore. Wanna protect you.”

“I know Stevie,” It was a small struggle for Bucky but he managed to turn himself around and press a tender kiss against Steve’s beard, petting it lightly and tracing his jaw, “I know you do. You should sing me that ‘I can be your hero baby’ song one day.”

Chuckling, Steve pressed another kiss into unruly brown hair, “I think it’s just called Hero. I could be your Enrique right now if you want, I know the lyrics by heart.”

“I bet, dork. And nuh uh, Bucky sleepy.” He hooked his leg over Steve’s hip and buried in tighter to the warmth of his friend’s body, “Night.”

Steve smiled to himself, pressing his face into hair that smelled like bubble gum from the bubbles at the club, a bit of glitter and confetti lost in it as was the scent of vodka, it was all tolerable for the night and he held Bucky close to him like the shield he always wanted to be.

*****

Jack was glad he was completely sober by the time it was that point in the evening where he either had to help get Brock home or he was about to lose him somewhere. This time it was an easy choice for his friend and Brock really didn’t care about taking anyone home tonight. He paid the cab driver and managed to get Brock up the stairs of his house without too much trouble but he should have known something was up considering how accepting Brock was of the suggestion that he get some rest.

Following after him, Brock stumbled against the frame of the doorway and slumped there a moment before he pushed off and moved into the bedroom. Jack rummaged in his pockets, tossing Brock’s car keys onto the dresser, turning his head to the soft thud of Brock’s body hitting the mattress backwards, his legs hanging off as he stared at him from the bed.

“What?” Jack let out, eyeing him. 

Brock only slid backwards against the covers, putting his hand out and spreading his legs so Jack had a space to go to. So he did, sighing like it was some sort of burden on him, his foot lightly kicking Brock’s leg.

“Lay on me.”

Jack stepped backwards, “Yeah nope, not gonna do any laying _anywhere_.” 

It seemed like the funniest thing in the world to Rumlow, laughing as he lazily slipped off his jacket, tossing it to the ground with a groan of effort as he sat up. Glassy eyes stared at Jack a long moment before he was pulling off his shirt with the grace of a two year old, hair messy and smiling stupidly.

“What’s the big deal? Scared to sleep next to me, always doin’ it before. Actin’ weird today.”

“I’m not acting weird,” Jack defended as he pointed at Brock’s chest, “You’re the one half naked.”

Waffling a little, Brock’s brows narrowed as he dropped his head to look down at himself, a hand ran up along his chest, “Hey, so I am! I’m drunk, okay?”

Mouth twitching up, Rollins nodded, “Okay. A good time for you to go to bed then.”

“Jackie..” 

“Hm?” He turned to get some sweats out. Hastily changing while Brock was too incapacitated to bother him, pulling on a tank top and some sweats feeling a little happy to get out of the clothes he wore out. He held another set for Brock.

“Hey Jackie.”

“What?”

He turned to Brock, only to find him laid out again feeling out the blanket with his fingers and not doing anything about covering up or attempting to get ready to change for bed. He set the clothes next to him, “Here.”

Turning his head to peer up at him, Brock smiled and Jack couldn’t help smile back at him as an arm came out and he helped him sit up. 

“Didja plan the Valentine’s dinner?”

Jack froze, “What?”

One look at Rollins’ face did Brock in, breaking out in embarrassing giggles he would have never admitted to doing as he fell sideways in his stupor, “It was jus’ too great but your face! Surprised as I was!”

Exhaling under his breath, Jack picked up the clothing and sat down beside him, “Come on, let’s get you changed.”

Luckily Brock was helpful this time around, wobbling this way and that but managing to get into some sweats and a tank top similar Jack’s. It was relatively easy tonight and he was grateful. Brock pulled himself to sit upright afterwards only for Jack to watch him collapse against him, head adjusting against his shoulder for comfort while he snaked an arm around, “Sleepin’ over Jackie?”

Jack sighed loudly not that it would offend Brock in any way, he already knew it wouldn’t, reaching around his best friend as he was watched tiredly. His hand came to rest against the back of Brock’s neck and he slowly began to rub where it was slightly warm and a little sweaty, Brock’s features glazing over to the sensation almost immediately as he hummed in approval, head easing forward a little bit so he was bracing his forehead against Jack’s shoulder.

A partial smile reached Rollins’ lips knowing this would be the ticket, adding a little more pressure as he massaged the nape of his neck and Brock was practically purring for him. A hand braced at his side and Jack ignored the soft groan by his ear before Brock pressed in closer. 

“Jack.”

“It’s time for sleeping, Brock.”

Fingers gripped at his tank top and Brock cuddled in, body going pliant and relaxed against his frame, head turning to rub his cheek against the material.

“You know what we should be doin’ ‘morrow?”

Raising a brow, Rollins was genuinely curious, “What’s that?” 

“Hot..” Brock swallowed thickly, “Milkshakes.”

“What?”

Brock groaned at himself, pressing his lips against Jack’s neck, “Hold on, give me a sec here..”

Jack internally battled with instinct to press in closer considering how pressed in he was against his body already, sharing air and Jack feeling his skin through the thin material of one lone overwashed tank top.

“I’m sayin’..we should go to that diner you like Jackie, and get milkshakes, because I know you love the way they make it is how you like it and- ” He dropped his head sideways against his pillow as Jack followed after him if only to listen while Brock huffed through the effort of speaking, “And and..I say it’s stupid but secretly I like it. You know that?”

A few seconds of silence passed and Jack drew his head back realizing Brock was staring at him. He adjusted so he didn’t take his hand away but he got a better view of Brock’s face without going cross-eyed. “I didn’t know that.”

Brock smiled proudly to himself like he had just revealed an amazing secret after withholding it for precisely the right amount of time, “I like everythin’ we do together Jackie, everythin’. Like we’re married or somethin’.”

Jack’s hand officially stopped moving and Brock immediately frowned over it, his head trying to move a little against the hand there like it would come to life for him that way. Jack didn’t exactly know how to take the comment, sure they’ve made jokes and had jokes made at their expense but drunk Brock saying it just felt _different_. 

“Why’d ya stop touchin’ me huh?”

A laugh almost slipped out of Rollins over that, shaking his head at him, “Nothing, just thinking.”

Brock stretched his neck and pressed into Jack’s palm like a needy cat and he was obliged, fingers going back to rubbing into his skin again and receiving a grunt of satisfaction over it. It was relatively harmless and eased Jack’s mind a bit, losing track of time as Brock’s fingers gently touched him all over the place, more curious than anything as he hummed to himself with his throat sounding a little rough. Jack felt fingers brush over his jaw, focused mainly at his scar before slowly moving along to his shoulder and it was fine that way. It was when Brock moved along his side and his hand found itself tucking under the fabric of Jack’s tank top that was throwing Jack a little. It was difficult sometimes for him to keep the line of intimacy simply platonic when Brock touched him; wanting it and getting it because Brock was demanding for being close despite Jack’s best intentions to give the space, heavy warm palm running along his skin as copper brown eyes watched him like he was trying to read him. 

Jack pressed his lips together fighting to react even though he could feel his body heat rise, Brock’s hand brushing across his lower back as he moved to press his face back into Jack’s shoulder, their bodies shifting close. 

“Brock..”

There was nothing in response, Brock’s hand sliding up his back just at his spine, material following to expose him and Rollins fought back the shudder he was so inclined to let out. No one touched him intimately like this for a long time and it was difficult to keep that line between them when all Brock wanted was to push it away and shove it into a ditch when he was drunk. 

He swallowed thickly as heavy fingers tangled into his hair and were surprisingly careful, stroking into his scalp and he couldn’t hold back the shudder, his fingers massaging a bit more firmly into the back of Brock’s neck. 

“Shh Jackie,” Brock murmured low next to his ear like he was trying to calm a wild animal, fingers petting him soothingly. “Just let me.” 

And _God_ that was all Jack wanted. The wish so simple and easy but it was Brock and he never did anything like this unless he was drunk, he never meant any of it or remembered much of it. Rough stubble rubbing against the side of his neck and he knew tomorrow it would be a little red, like he was blushing there, Brock’s hand moving down to grip at his hip. 

“Brock, c’mon..”

“It’s fine,” His friend crooned, hot breath dancing against his throat, almost nuzzling lips along the spot.

Jack closed his eyes, the heel of his hand slipping down across muscular back, fingers drawing out a sharp inhale of breath from Brock, his leg moving to drape over Jack’s and press his face against his neck. He could feel everything through threadbare sweats while Brock only slotted in like he belonged there, never so bold to hold him like this before, sure he’s slept with Brock wrapped around him constantly and maybe a moment or two where he noticed he didn’t really care about morning issues when it was Brock passed out asleep and not meaning to but this wasn’t sleeping. 

He attempted to pull back only to be reeled in tighter, his own hand helplessly resting at the small of Brock’s back wanting to move down, dip away under a low riding elastic waist and encourage him to ride his thigh or something equally as dubious that friends shouldn’t do together. Unless of course they were fuck buddies or more but there was no way he was going to be able to hide his feelings if the benefits thing did happen to unfold. It was bad enough that from the shift he could tell Brock was interested for something more than just cuddling, and maybe Jack was just as eager for it as well, he was sure if he allowed him to Brock would have been grinding against his leg soon. 

At the back of his mind Jack would be okay with that and that made him wonder what kind of person he was, sighing to himself as he gently moved Brock’s head back to look at him in all seriousness, “You probably won’t remember trying to dry hump my leg but I should probably make you stop anyway.”

Slowly blinking to focus on Jack’s face, Brock pushed his hips in just as tightly, slotting himself and tangling their legs. The raw feeling alone forced a groan out of Rollins, dropping his face against Brock’s cheek, his forehead rubbing against temple, “I wish you’d remember all this in the morning..”

“M’might.” Brock mumbled back, mouthing against Jack’s jaw. “I just fuckin’ love you Jackie so much. Gonna have your babies but just..hold on- ” 

Jack had a momentary lapse as he lost himself in the babies comment before he miraculously realized what was about to happen and was able to save the bedding and push Brock half off the bed so he was throwing up into the bucket he so smartly kept to the side just in case. Usually it wasn’t needed but there were moments like this Jack was glad he did.

By the time he cleaned Brock up and went to rinse out the bucket, he found his best friend passed out cold under the covers.

*****

The thing was, Bucky liked to sleep. It was just that he didn’t get a lot of it. Recently he was getting a lot more than he was used to but judging by the faint dark circles around his eyes he either needed more or water. One or the other. Also, it was well documented that Steve was a part of this solution. He was solid and warm and smelled good most of the time. He was also affectionate and cuddly despite the thick wall of muscle he was, he hummed as well which seemed to help Bucky a lot more than he thought. Perfect and light, it made Bucky feel like he was floating along in a delicate haze of comfort, he would touch him in the right places and kiss his skin like his lips belonged there. If Steve’s fingers brushed through his hair he sometimes had to hold back a moan over it, completely content to be in his care.

Currently though Steve was too far apart from him and his face was illuminated in the dark bedroom by the screen of his tablet. His mouth was a thin line of disappointment, jaw stern and forehead all crinkled and pressed together. He stayed like that for a few seconds as Bucky watched with his eyes open just enough to register what Steve was doing without being absolutely awake. After that he was typing heatedly while his device laid across his lap like he was possessed by something and Bucky tried his best to go back to sleep.

He woke up again feeling fussy and cold. Maybe also partially blind, hand reaching his bedside table for his phone before dropping it to the floor for his pants and finding it in there. He checked the time and he had no idea when he fell asleep but his head was hurting and it was barely three. “Stevie, you’re waking up in four hours, I’m sober but I don’t know if I’m right side up. Get some rest.”

The blond didn’t even look up, “In a minute Buck, I got up to use the bathroom and couldn’t sleep.”

“No, not a minute.” Bucky stole the tablet from his hands slipping it under the pillow he was currently pressing his face into.

Steve made a sound of disapproval, going after it only to receive a slap on the back of his hand. He recoiled in surprise, “Bucky!”

“I wanna sleep!” A small whine escaped, “ _Ooh_ , my head..”

“Fine, let me have my tablet back and I’ll get outta your hair.”

Eyes closing, Bucky pouted in his general direction, “I want cuddles too.”

Trying to reach for his tablet again he was only obstructed by Bucky sliding it further away. Huffing, Steve frowned at him, “I’ll be more than happy to give you cuddles once you let me finish dealing with the asshole that was wrong.”

“No, you’re probably being baited. Or talking to someone that won’t ever realize they’re wrong, that’s the internet for you Steve, leave it alone.” Bucky pulled up the blanket over his head, shielding himself and burying the tablet further into oblivion, “Banned from being an internet warrior.”

There was an awkward silence before Steve shifted next to him, “Buck.”

“No. I wanna sleep, be lucky I don’t kick you out of bed.”

“Firstly, this is _my_ bed and second, I wanted to go to the living room but you took my toy away.”

Bucky groaned under the covers, “Because you’re going to be angry and grumble into the air about how stupid that person is and how dare they or you can’t _believe_ how ignorant they are or something else along those lines. Leave it alone and press your body against my butt. I’m cold and it’s fucking snowing outside still, I don’t know how we got home but I’m glad we did.”

He could hear a small chuckle and figured all was well until a heavy hand smacked him hard on his ass, startling a yelp out of him. Hand pressed to the spot he poked his head out, hair fluffing up despite gravity’s best attempt to keep it down, “What was that for?!”

Steve didn’t even hide the amusement across his face, only shrugging as he reached for the blanket to get under it and grab at Bucky’s hip to roll him on his side despite the noises of refusal he was making, eventually tucking them together chest to chest. He softly patted the side of his thigh, “Come on, you definitely deserved that for taking my tablet away.”

Bucky contemplated saying something rude but he was suddenly reintroduced to solid thick muscles and a furnace body temperature. Steve was too warm for his own good and Bucky was too weak for it so instead he haughtily burrowed his face into Steve’s armpit and went back to sleep.

*****

“No..” Brock groaned immediately when he opened his eyes to the sharp outside light stabbing his pupils even though it was snowing and grey. “Kill me.”

Jack snorted from behind him and the fact that all Brock could remember was his first drink and maybe a little of being outside and the shit that happened there before shots began coming in on a constant basis and everything turned into neon rainbows..or something like that, it was a little unnerving with the pain in his head. At least he was in his soft warm bed and Jack didn’t ditch him not that he really thought he would.

The only good idea was the idea to go back to sleep, pulling the blanket over his head when it was loosened up from Jack shifting out of bed and he closed his eyes again. He barely listened to the soft sound of Jack’s steps on the carpet before the en suite bathroom door opened and then promptly closed, his body fading off to sleep again.

Eventually the covers were pulled off his head despite not covering the rest of him and Brock immediately made a noise of protest, trying to roll away from whoever was standing beside the bed.

“I have coffee.” Jack muttered out nudging the edge of the mug against Brock’s hip, “And pull your pants up, unless you’re purposefully half mooning me, then you’re just being a dick for no reason.” 

“You fuckin’ do it to me all the time when I come over and you wanna sleep naked so fuck off.” Brock grumped into his pillow.

He knew Jack was standing there like a statue, mug in hand and would stare at him until he took it. Groaning in annoyance he rolled over and half sat up, taking the cup from him, “M’tryin’ ta sleep here.” 

“And I’m trying to make sure you don’t spend all day in bed because you’ll be pissed at yourself if you do.”

It took a moment but as he glanced up at Jack he finally started picking out all the pinkish hickie marks around his neck and a hand came up, his friend suddenly shying away, “Hungry?”

Brock ignored the question, gesturing with his head to the speckling of red and pink, “Meet some guy?”

“No, yeah sure..I guess. Just some guy, but I had to take you home.” 

“The hell Jackie? I ain’t your problem if you wanna get some.”

A small laugh came out of Jack as he shook his head, “He was drunk, there was no ‘getting some’.”

Brock felt disappointed for him, he patted the bed space beside him, “Oh. Shit, too bad. Get his number at least?”

Jack sat down beside him, resting his back against the headrest as he shook his head, “No point.”

“Hot at least?”

Rollins face tightened up and he looked uncomfortable before he nodded, “Yeah, you could say that.”

All the vagueness and discomfort Jack was projected bothered Brock as he finished off his coffee all the while squinting at him suspiciously, “There’s somethin’ you ain’t tellin’ me Rawls.”

“Yeah well, you don’t remember most of yesterday either so it’s not like you’d remember what I did.”

Something in the statement struck Brock hard with familiarity and before he could really think of what he was alluding to, he eyed Rollins suspiciously, “Wait, _wait_. Oh fucking _wait_ \- ”

“ -Please say wait again, it’s amazing.” Jack let out dryly.

“You shut your fuckin’ face. Was this all _me_ tryin’ to do that?”

Rollins’ massively uncomfortable silence was a clear enough answer and Brock frowned harder. He reached up and grabbed at Jack’s chin, tilting his head to really look at the evident beard burn and minor blemishes. “At the club?”

Shaking his head, Jack avoided looking at him, “In bed.”

“ _Here_?!”

Sighing heavily, Jack rolled his eyes, “No, in someone else’s bed dipshit.” 

Dropping his hand away, Brock shook his head, letting it all sink in, “Jesus Jackie, m’sorry. I..I didn’t do nothin’ else did I?”

Jack snorted, his shoulders dropping and looking almost defeated. He hated that reaction because it only told Brock that he really didn’t want to know but he was about to anyway.

“You were trying to dry hump my leg, I made you go to sleep.”

“I _what_?”

It was Brock’s turn to snort at how ridiculous he was as a drunk, there was no way Jack would lie to him about that. He dropped away from Jack, hitting his head on the pillow and then immediately winced. Fucking hangovers.

“What the fuck was I thinkin’?” He pulled the blanket over his head in embarrassment, after a few seconds he peeked out to look at him again, “Thanks for not flippin’ a shit.”

“Why would I? No point.” Jack studied him carefully, as if he was making sure Brock would tell him the truth, “Do you..remember anything else from last night? Anything just hitting you weird like a word or action?”

“Don’t think so..” Brock let out, scrunching his face a little as he thought hard about it a few seconds. Jack’s expression fell which was a big red flag that he must have done something else stupid. It made him wonder what the hell it was because he hated that expression on Rollins. “Why?”

Jack shook his head, “Nothing, just curious.”

Brock watched as he smiled again to assure him but he wasn’t stupid, he knew Jack. He could tell when it was too small and forced.

“Really nothin’?”

“Mhm, but listen. I gotta head out and run some errands.”

Brock felt like he didn’t believe him, opening his mouth to say something but Jack was halfway out the door already and he himself could barely sit up, “Rawls..”

Jack didn’t answer and Brock tried to excuse the way his best friend’s face fell the moment he was out of sight.

*****

Steve woke up alone in bed. He could tell the other side of it was empty before he even bothered to open his eyes. The mattress was too leveled and Bucky slept touching him even if his back was turned, laying away from him he would still hook his ankle to Steve’s or press toes against his leg.

Even the blankets felt cooler, before Bucky had slept there he got along just fine when he was alone but now he missed the body heat they shared under the covers, he missed his fingers finding their way against a slightly bare hip from sweats that slipped down a little or the touch of warm smooth skin just at the small of his back where his hand liked to sit. He missed Bucky occasionally holding on to him like he was the only thing in the world or nestled with his head under his chin. He missed sometimes being the small spoon and having him plastered to his back, murmuring contently while Bucky rubbed his face into his hair. He missed a lot of anything that had to do with Bucky when Bucky wasn't sleeping next to him.

He pressed his face against the pillow and sighed, grumpy irritation crossing his senses because he was trying but out of anything, there was nothing better than waking next to him, not right then. Maybe later he could amend that to kissing Bucky but for now it was what he loved the most aside from Bucky himself. He loved watching him sleep, buried and tucked under the blankets, mouth slightly open and tufts of his dark hair going in any direction it chose to. He even liked when his scruff would rub into his skin, across his neck or shoulder when Bucky curled up against him, arms, legs or both wrapping around lost in his sleep.

Steve hated waking up alone.

Rolling onto his back, he blindly reached for his phone, blearily trying to make out the large white numbers across his screen and maybe a text or handwritten note from Bucky around but neither had showed themselves. He really hoped it wasn’t his parents pulling him away because he was sure they knew where their son was sleeping especially if his mother had anything to say or do about it. A few thoughts crossed his mind about possible emergencies or something but he was sure he would have gotten a message about that by now but what else would have pulled Bucky out of bed at six thirty in the morning?

He forced himself up to go to the bathroom and it was when he was leaving out of it that he heard the sound of the television, volume down low enough so he barely heard occasional conversation and music unless it was a cry out or screaming.

Steve changed directions for the living room blinded by all the fresh snow reflecting into the apartment and finding Bucky in the center on the couch sitting crossed legged and tiredly blinking at the screen. Nanook slept pressed to his right side on his back with his head twisted awkwardly but seemingly too happy to move. Bucky was still wearing his dino bottoms but changed into one of Steve’s worn football t-shirts, neck hole stretched so wide it was almost falling off one shoulder, hair all messy and soft. 

Bucky’s face was already covered in a dark layer of stubble that Steve swore grew overnight, a blanket draped over his legs while he held a bowl of half eaten cereal in his lap. He looked like he wasn’t prepared for the morning but then neither was he, eyes half drooping as he slowly turned his head to look up and give him a little smile. 

“Hi, did I wake you?”

Steve smiled back at him, overtaken by the urge to lean over and kiss him, instead he scratched at his own unruly beard, “Sort of. You weren’t there.” 

The answer seemed to please Bucky too much, watching him try to smother the smile he couldn’t stop by quickly stuffing the spoon into his mouth. He made a muffled noise around the utensil that sounded a lot like _oh_ and Steve tried his best not to laugh even if Bucky was absolutely endearing. 

Wandering into the kitchen, he was struck a moment to the sight of a new box of Frosted Mini Wheats beside the open box of Cocoa Puffs. He hadn’t bought that cereal in a few months and only mentioned how he missed it just last week.

“I figured you might want a box so I grabbed it when I got some more cereal.” Bucky cut into his thoughts, eyes not moving away from the big screen TV and slowly smiling at something that happened on it.

Steve grinned to himself, wide and dopey, picking up the box and opening it after grabbing a bowl. He added some milk and dug out a spoon, dropping himself down at Bucky’s other side with a mouthful of cereal already in his mouth.

“What cartoon is this?”

Bucky glanced over in surprise, scooting closer just so they pressed together before nudging his side into him in mock frustration, “Do you not know Ducktales? God Steve, you’re such an old person!”

Mouth screwing up in a frown, the blond paused with his spoon in mid-air, “Wait, Ducktales is from the Eighties. _You’re_ the one watching it, how am I the old person when I didn’t recognize it?”

“ _Because_. Doesn’t matter if you’re younger or older, if you don’t know Ducktales, you’re officially lame.” Bucky informed him despite not making sense.

“Okay..” Steve ate another spoonful of cereal, squinting at the screen like he couldn’t see anything despite the size of it, “Not everyone can be hip with the young kids these days, I guess.”

Bucky didn’t say anything, face going blank before he broke out in a laugh, giving him a shake of his head, “You’re such an asshole, I love it.”

The corners of Steve’s mouth went up, cheeks pinking a little as his ears warmed. His brows bounced up in a playful gesture going back to his cereal as he tried following what was going on in the episode. “So why are the kids left unattended while criminals are roaming round trying to break into the vault? That’s some CPS shit going on. Don’t they have a nanny in this show? Where is she?”

“Shut up,” Bucky chuckled helplessly nudging Steve with his knee. “This show is awesome. Don’t be weird about it.”

Steve could have gone back to sleep especially with some cartoon that he didn’t understand but Bucky being here instead of back there got him to lay himself out on the couch, dropping one leg off the couch and folding one in against Bucky. The brunette took their bowls and leaned over to successfully put them on the table despite the loud clatter, Nanook lifting his head abruptly to see what was going on. He hopped off the couch to sniff at the dishes then went off towards his bed corner like he knew they wanted to use the couch.

Credits rolled and the intro to the next episode started, Steve settling in for a nap with legs finally stretched out over Bucky’s lap as he let his eyes close.

“Ooo, I like this episode.”

Bucky wiggled out from under his legs and then Steve felt his hands being moved off his chest, too lazy to peek and see what was going on. His arms were dropped to his sides just before Bucky laid himself out on top tucking his head under Steve’s chin and turned sideways to watch the TV. Steve brought his arms back up to wrap around them around and continue trying to fall asleep, fingers stroking down Bucky’s back. He still had about thirty or so minutes to spend time with him before he had to get up and change so he could go work out with Sam, he was definitely going to use it.

Just being around Bucky made everything so much better in his world.

*****

Bucky laid himself out on the living room couch, it was a little uncomfortable without Steve as a mattress but he managed. He _really_ needed to have a talk with him about this piece of garbage. His laptop sat on his chest as he lazily scrolled through the massive menu at the diner. Now that they delivered he was Jonesing for breakfast food at three in the afternoon and he would have it. His brow went up at the sound of his gurgling stomach going off like it was in agreement, Nanook laid out between his legs and raising his head in question to the noise before his chin went back down on his belly watching him a few seconds before going back to his nap.

“Noonoo, do I want waffles or pancakes?”

The dog opened his eyes again, not answering and only snuffling his nose underneath Bucky’s left hand in a forward way of asking for more pets. Bucky lightly scratched the top of his head as he chose chocolate chip pancakes with whipped cream and sliced bananas on top. He also wanted a full breakfast complete with hot buttered toast and packets of blueberry jam, both bacon and sausage instead of just one and he weighed out sunny side up vs. scrambled eggs to go with it. Skillet potatoes were also included so there was that too. 

The front door opened and Nanook raised himself up so he could peek over the couch, tail immediately wagging and Bucky felt that small bit of tension inside of him relax, Steve’s head popping up from the back as he came around and pet the dog.

“Hey, have you even moved from that spot?” 

“Barely.” Bucky was too busy looking Steve over, tight grey t-shirt with ass (and _other_ places) hugging sweats, he was truly blessed. “I uh..” His mouth was dry, “How was your run and junk like that?” 

Steve sat himself down on the edge of the coffee table grinning wide, “Great, felt good to get back out there. We had some brunch and then hit some stores on our way back because Sam needed some kitchen stuff. Did you eat anything while I was gone?”

Bucky held up his laptop, wiggling it a little, “Ordering breakfast for lunch, your diner delivers now by the way.”

“..Or we could walk there..”

“Too cold, it started to snow again as you probably noticed and I have a warm puppy keeping me here.”

Like he was listening, Nanook turned back to Bucky, laying out like he originally was and rested his head down against his stomach.

“See? I’m terrible at hostage negotiations. Would you like anything?”

Steve chuckled with a shake of his head as he pulled himself up, “I’m fine, thank you. What I need is a hot scalding shower for my muscles and because yeah, it’s pretty cold outside. I’ll be back.”

 

Steve came back to Bucky still laid out and half watching TV, half looking like he was trying to nap. “Your food couldn’t have come in that quickly that you look like you’re ready to hibernate already.”

“Nope, about fifteen more minutes.”

“Good,” He took liberties and sprawled himself over Bucky’s lap, dropping his head sideways against his chest, “Enough time for me to use you as a bed.”

He only received a hum in response, fingers slipping into damp hair and brushing along his scalp

“So, I went to use the toilet..”

Bucky switched channels, “Mhm.”

Glancing up at him, Steve’s mouth twitched lightly, “..I lifted up the lid and there was a sock floating in there.”

Refusing to look his way, the brunette focused on the show that was on before him, “Oh?” 

Steve glanced over his shoulder to Bucky’s feet finding one sock on his foot, the other missing and trying to tuck itself under the blanket, “Would you know anything about how it came to be in the toilet?”

Stonefaced, Bucky shrugged at him, “I don’t even own any socks.”

Cracking a smile, Steve slipped his arms under Bucky’s shoulders, shaking him a little to get him to look his way and he bumped his nose lightly against the brunette’s chin. “How the hell did your sock get into the toilet?”

Opening his mouth to say something, Bucky turned his head to look towards Nanook who only raised his head up to stare back, ears perking up as his tongue hung out of his mouth looking too cute for his own good and Bucky pouted at him evidently not able to toss his dog under the bus. He heaved a dramatic sigh, “I was trying to put it on my toes to I could kick it onto the pile of dirty laundry I had on the floor right? Well I kicked it too hard and it missed the clothes and flew into the toilet. I panicked and closed the lid.”

Staring at him in disbelief, Steve’s eyes danced back in forth as his head swam through a tidal wave of ways he could respond to that. Instead he dropped his head forward with a choked sound, his right hand reaching up press into his own left pec in shock of it all, laughed loudly into Bucky’s chest.

“Don’t laugh at me.” 

Steve grinned, peeking up at him, “I’m trying not to.” 

He received a punch in the arm and it only made him laugh again. Looking out the window, he gestured towards it, “So once you eat, do you have any plans before we head out for dinner?” 

Bucky pushed at solid shoulders until Steve dragged himself to sit up. “Actually I’m heading home. I got something to wrap up and I got a good few hours before we have to head to Nat’s so I’m going to take advantage. You?”

The response caught Steve by surprise and he wore a partial frown, “Sitting alone at home then I guess. I have to sign some things for Jane at about two, I should do some work after, maybe.” 

“Or, you could come over after and paint at my place?” He smiled, modest and maybe a little coquettish. “My parents won’t be around.”

Steve was pretty sure he had about three fantasies where Bucky said those exact words before, granted he was climbing through his bedroom window in his varsity jacket at the time too so it probably didn’t click in the same way. His entire body blushed a soft pink all the way to his toes and deep into his hair, nodding as he extracted himself from off the couch and excused himself towards the kitchen, “Yeah sure, sounds good.” 

The door buzzer went off and Steve relaxed to the distraction watching Bucky get up from the couch, “That was quick..and hey, can you bring Nook when you come over?”

“Yeah,” Steve nodded as he turned away to fiddle with the sink knobs for no apparent reason, “I can do that.”

*****

Steve walked outside across the back property from the glass doors with Nanook, his satchel at his side and heading straight for the pool house. Lights were lit up inside and music drifted out one of the windows that was slightly open. He let himself in, staying at the doormat and unzipping his black parka to shake off the snow after unclipping the dog leash. It was from there he saw Bucky laid out on his stomach against something plush and cushiony without a shirt on watching the fireplace as he held a joint in his hand hovering over an ashtray. Specks of clay rifled against his body, some in his hair and all over his arms and hands.

“Hey Buck, taking a break?”

He glanced over his shoulder just in time to get knocked off by an excited Malamute, tail wagging eagerly and tongue trying to lick every inch of Bucky’s face as he lifted the joint away and yelled in surprise as he laughed and pet Nanook. 

“And hi to you too you big giant!” 

When Bucky had him settled, he looked up pausing for a second as his eyes rested on Steve’s chest before giving him a grin, “Hey Stevie.”

The blond gave him a curious look, “What were you looking at just now?” 

Trying not to laugh, Bucky sat up pulling a worn plaid shirt off the floor and slipped it on though not bothering to button it up. He gestured to Steve’s white tee, “Is that new?” 

Confused, Steve looked down at it, “Yeah, what’s wrong with it?”

Smirking, his friend shrugged, “It’s the right size, right?”

“Yeah, it fits nice.” Steve mumbled, tugging at the material, his voice full of suspicion now. “What’s the problem?”

Giggling in amusement, Bucky eyed his chest a little longer than he was given credit, brows wiggling teasingly, “You got a secret job as a stripper or somethin’ I don’t know about?” 

Pulling a double take, Steve looked over himself a third time, “A _what_?”

“My God Stevie, are you just ignorant about how your tits look in tight as hell white t-shirts or what? Don’t even get me started on the fact that you now have melting snow running over it and sticking a little like are you kidding me right now? I can see the details of your _nipples_!” 

Steve felt his face heating up, his hand dumbly coming up and wiggling an accusing finger at Bucky’s chest, “Yeah well I can see yours too in those scraps of practically see-thru v-neck tees you call clothes!”

Bucky’s eyes went wide, pressing his hands over his nipples and Steve snapped his mouth shut while Nanook peered at the both of them. Steve broke out in a laugh, with Bucky following immediately after before shoving him in the leg gesturing him to join the floor.

“Let’s change subjects because I don’t even know what to say after that and hey your fireplace is working in here, I thought it was a decoration but it definitely makes the place nice and cozy. I can see the appeal.” Steve commented as he took the second cushion beside Bucky which to him looked more like a pet bed but he had no idea, it was a bit thicker and definitely more cushy, taking the joint when Bucky held it out for him.

“Nope they all work, the ones in the house upstairs are all electric, the ones downstairs are all wood burning, so is this one. I think this was actually a work room but was converted to a pool house.” 

Steve watched the smoke blow out between his lips squinting a little to avoid it getting into his eyes, “Which ended up being a work room anyway.” 

Bucky laughed, rolling onto his back and letting his head hang off turning away to watching the fire again. Steve tried his best not to look at the slow rise and fall of Bucky’s chest while the light of the flames danced along his skin. He turned away to look around, a few canvases stacked to the side, his own piece from before still propped up on it’s own easel among random little figures, clay stained tools and pots of dirty water beside wrapped bricks of what he assumed were more clay. At the side there was kiln and a pair of glass doors, next to a large wide shelf of stored work wrapped away in plastics and whatever else. His eyes returned to Bucky when he rolled to his side with his back to him, dirty clay and paint stained ashy sweats hung low, his hand absently reaching out to tug gathered elastic at the top so he could pull them up a bit hiding away his dimples.

“Sorry, rudely flashing my ass crack at you.” 

Steve smiled at the back of his head, reaching over to gently tug up the side he was laying at to the pants weren’t in an angle, using a bit of force so it didn’t get stuck beneath the brunette, “If you were really apologetic you would notice you do it a lot while you sleep.”

Bucky froze and looked over his shoulder in surprise, “Oh my God, a lot?”

Taking another drag, Steve nodded slowly, dropping down onto his back as he stared up at the ceiling, “All the time.”

“Don’t joke Steve.”

“I’m not!” He let out defensively blowing out the smoke before turning Bucky’s way, “Do you want me to take pictures?”

Pouting, Bucky turned back to the fire, “No..” 

Giving his butt cheek a poke as Steve sat up, he gestured towards all the art supplies at the other side, “Come on, I feel like doing something.”

Bucky swatted at him, lazily pulling himself to sit up, “What? You want me to pose for you again?”

Smile slipping off his face, Steve stared at him as got himself up, “Really?”

“Yeah right, _here_? You must be high already.” Bucky lightly pushed him towards the easel that was sitting by Bucky’s work table, “Even if I don’t mind, I wouldn’t risk my mother somehow catching that I let you paint me half naked.”

“Don’t have to be.”

Rolling his eyes, Bucky picked up the leather satchel Steve had brought with him, digging inside for his set of brushes, holding them out when he did, “Does it really matter? I’m her currency and if you’re not paying for the goods you’re a waste of her time.”

Steve took the brushes with a wince, “Ouch Barnes.”

Smile softening, Bucky squeezed his arm and went to clear up some space for both of them, “You know it’s not me saying that. Now come on, help me move some of these work in progresses so we can create.”

 

Bucky felt eyes on him after about twenty minutes, the back of his wrist pushing away hair trying to fall over his eyes, hands covered in thin layers of clay residue all over again. He smiled when Steve flashed him a look of guilt, leaning back a little on his stool to take a peek at what he was painting only to see himself staring off and away while hands worked.

“I guess I can’t ask you if you were just admiring the view.”

Steve’s cheeks pinked, “I’m sorry, I was thinking of what to do. I had some ideas, especially with the way it’s been snowing but I always end up going back to you.” He squared his shoulders a little and turned back to his work, “Besides, you like it when I’m admiring the view that’s mostly of you. Can’t deny that.” 

Technically Bucky could, Steve thought to himself. Attention that he didn’t think he deserved was overwhelming and hard to take in, he got that about him. It was completely different from attention he was required to indulge in when already knowing it was going to happen. There was uncertainty when it came from Steve where he wasn’t sure he was worthy of it and Steve accepted that, it was just that he didn’t ever want to give up on trying.

Bucky smirked, not knowing what to say but it didn’t matter. Steve caught the blush rising across his face, shoulders loosening up and Bucky looked a little ethereal right then watching as fingers went back to molding a torso, creation of a whole new person made perfect and brilliant by his nimble hands. He was sure if Bucky tried, he would make a killing with his figures of characters frozen in a state of movement. His obsessive need to work with the finer details while staying true to the false sense of them caught up in a picture-like way made it vastly superior to similar pieces of art. He was sure it wasn’t only him that noticed that. 

“You really should reinvest in thinking about putting your work out there for others, even if it’s just bits and pieces..I think you would really be sought out. You have a gift.”

Bucky paused, looking his way before he turned back to the work before him, “Maybe you guys all think so but I don’t know. Besides, I don’t have that kind of space right now. I can’t be here all the time, I’m moving out of my temporary spot at Natasha’s..”

Steve turned back to his portrait to close in lines with a finer brush and add in his own brand of detailing, “We need to find you a place then. Simple as that.”

“I thought you said you were going to buy me a place so I had more space.” A smile played along Bucky’s lips as he continued to work.

Steve couldn’t help the chuckle, “I’m still gonna, if you want. We should move in together, convert a dining room or something into an art room. Just me and you.”

Bucky tilted his head, glancing over at his dog asleep on one of the cushions by the fire, “Don’t forget Nook.”

Snapping his fingers, Steve nodded to him as if he was suddenly remembering that, “You’re right. Can he pay rent?”

Pausing a moment, Bucky shook his head laughing about it.

“I guess he can stay for free if you’re both a package deal, I can live with that. Oh and a fish too right? Can’t forget him. Whadda ya say Buck? Move into a house with me?”

Amused as fingers smoothed over clay, Bucky clearly took the entire conversation as a joke, nodding easily to him, “Sure. I’m going to place a human sized cardboard cutout of Jason Voorhees one day by the kitchen when you’re asleep so that I can wake you up somehow and you get scared shitless going to get some water.”

Steve eyed him, “That’s not very nice. Don’t be surprised if you have a beaten up cardboard cutout the next time you see it.” 

“Always more where that came from anyway, how about Michael Myers?”

“How about I place a real tarantula in your bed?”

“Rude. I don’t want to live with you anymore.” 

Bucky turned to go back to work with a light huff just before he felt cold wet splashes of something hit the side of his neck and face. He turned towards Steve in confusion just to see him grinning, well practically almost in hysterics, tilting his brush back and hitting it with his opposite hand again, flecks of paint hitting Bucky across his face this time. 

“What the..!”

Bucky didn’t hesitate, two fingers dipping into the closest pot of paint. He sprung off his stool like an angry cat, tackling Steve off the stool he was on and onto the floor, smearing the paint all around his face and for good measure stuck his hand into his hair to streak it blue. He wasn’t sure whether Steve was yelling or laughing, they had both suddenly sounded the same, strong hands grabbing tightly to his wrists. Bucky tightened his thighs around Steve’s to keep on top of him but they rolled with Steve’s back colliding into the easel in their struggle, the portrait toppling sideways while dirty water and the paint pallette being used came crashing on top of him. Bucky barked out a laugh at his misfortune, pressed into the floor, grateful at that moment that Steve was bigger than him to flip them over just to get everything all over himself and not on Bucky. 

“Oh yeah!?” Steve scooped as much of the paint off his shoulder as he could, pressing his free hand by Bucky’s side to keep himself propped up, slapping the glob of paint with a loud wet sound against Bucky’s bare chest which he never bothered buttoning up. He smeared it all over the best he could with an almost crazy look across his face.

“Steve! That’s fucking cold!” He kicked his feet out, knocking his foot into the table. The dish of his own water fell onto Steve’s back, startling him with a stab of pain on top of the surprise of getting further wet. Bucky winced, his hand immediately moving to the wet spot, “Steve you okay?”

Nodding at him, Steve closed his eyes for a second before he opened them again giving him a smile, “Yeah, just shocked me for a second. I heard you kick something, didn’t expect getting belted with your dish or more water hitting me but then I guess it’s better than your sculpting tools ending up stabbing me.”

Bucky smiled up at him, suddenly laughing at how grossed out Steve looked as he shifted a little and pulled at the collar of his thin t-shirt. 

“Hey, quit laughing.”

It only made Bucky laugh harder, pressing his forearms against his face to get himself to stop even though it wasn’t working and Steve moved his arms away, paint leaving stains and Bucky panted up at him wide-eyed, cheeks flushed and beaming.

Bucky felt himself internally retreat a little when all he got was silence, his eyes catching blues staring at him like Steve was lost. He tilted his head in question and watched him lick his lips when his gaze fell down to his mouth. Smooth hands slid against either side of Bucky’s cheeks, the paint smearing along his skin with a galaxy of lost colors that gave him a slight shiver. His eyes closed as he adjusted under cold paint and hot palms, opening them and swearing Steve was closer. At least his mouth seemed to be, feeling the warmth of his breath and all he wanted was to tilt his head up and bring his lips up to fill the rest of the way. 

It was something he couldn’t do though, fear lodging itself in, paralyzing Bucky in thoughts of rejection and pain and holding on so tightly around his heart that it hurt. He cleared his throat instead, giving Steve’s bicep a pat to knock him out of his distracted gaze, “Hey I know you got puppy dog eyes but you’re killing me down here Pal.”

Steve blinked a few seconds, scrambling up and off him within a moment smiling sheepishly and bowing his head in embarrassment, a deep scarlet taking over his face as he turned for one of the scrap towels, “Sorry about that Buck, don’t know what came over me. Hey, I’m gonna take a shower in the guest room okay? I’ll come clean up this mess after..” 

_And like that, it was over._

Bucky barely got a chance to nod as he watched Steve practically run out of there and toward the mansion leaving him there alone with Nook. He slowly stood up and walked over to the work table, glancing at the dog staring at him with his tail wagging away and Bucky chewed at his bottom lip in thought, lifting the small mirror to examine the hand prints Steve left against his face. 

_Was he going to kiss me?_

Isn’t that what he wanted?

*****

Nothing was said when they came back together, Bucky cleaning up as much as he could as he estimated how long it would take Steve to have a shower and disappearing before he returned to the pool house. When they did meet up it was stifled and awkward, for the both of them, Bucky not sure what to say or do not sure what was going to happen and Steve was just..silent.

They made it to dinner a few minutes late only to find Brock there but Jack not and once surrounded by friends Bucky forgot about the weirdness as he tried to focus on figuring out where Jack was. He would have sent the cavalry to break down Rollins’ door if he didn’t promptly receive a text back that said he wasn’t feeling well and was heading to bed early. Part of him wasn’t sure he should believe it, especially when Jack wouldn’t answer his direct call but Brock shrugged it off and said he seemed like he didn’t sleep too much last night. 

That only told Bucky _where_ he must have slept, knowing Brock’s penchant for being a big baby when it was time to sleep while he was drunk and who usually took him home. He decided to give Rollins a break for the night and it wasn’t very long before Natasha was giving him sharply raised brows considering Steve was fairly quiet for most of the night and sat _away_ from him during dinner. Bucky wasn’t sure why because he wasn’t sure what happened earlier and could only shrug, trying his best to keep himself distracted and not feel rejected looking through the pictures Natasha and Sam had taken at the club afterwards.

The cab back was silent but somewhat more comfortable, Bucky fascinated with the snow falling in thick tufts before backdrops of street lamps and he barely felt Steve’s fingers reach for his as they neared their destination. He turned his way seeing the unsureness so clearly and Bucky grasped at the hand awaiting his as he smiled. He didn’t want to spend the whole night analyzing, he wanted to spend the whole night with Steve and to watch movies while he broke rules. There was always time to panic at Dr. Potts’ office anyway and he was pretty sure he would.

When they got inside, Charles helped them out of coats and tried to keep a schooled face when Nanook decided to shake the snow off himself directly before the man’s legs. 

Bucky winced, “Sorry.”

“It is fine Master Barnes, although I think I should retrieve a towel for your furry friend before he makes more of a mess. I will take care of it while you and Master Rogers prepare for your evening.”

Steve nudged Bucky’s arm, “You go ahead to the library, I know you were itching to get everything set up and the fire going.”

“Bring back snacks Stevie. Just ask Charles or Img if she’s still awake if you’re lost and want something, if not just go ham and raid the fridge.” Bucky turned to Charles, giving his shoulder a squeeze and a smile before he headed towards the library doors digging for his keys.

Wandering through the partially lit route to the kitchen, he hit the lights when he heard movement, startling Imogen leaving with a cup of tea and a housecoat around her flannel night dress. 

Her eyes closed as she rested a hand on her chest, “Oh Steven! You startled me!”

He smiled sheepishly, “Sorry, it was dark and I heard footsteps, didn’t realize they were slippers. I just came to get some snacks.” 

Imogen smiled, gesturing a hand to the fridge and pantry room, “Help yourself. There’s something for you both in the fridge, I also have a small plate of cheeses in there you two should have, there’s leftovers and ice cream. The pantry shelf has the crackers, you’ll just have to pick which one you like most. Immediately to your right when you enter there are a few bags of chips behind two sacks of cake flour and a big jar of self rising flour. Mrs. Barnes doesn’t really want them there but the two other Barnes’ get a bit unbearable if they aren’t on hand.” 

Trying not to laugh, Steve turned his head away towards the library, “I know what you mean, at least with one of them. That or anything chocolate.” 

“ -Which..” She pointed to the large marble cookie jar sitting on the middle of the counter after grabbing a modest looking bamboo serving tray out from the sidebar, “Freshly made, oatmeal and chocolate chip.” 

“Now you’re spoiling us because I can easily pack away a good amount of those.” Steve admitted, patting his stomach. 

“Well you had better share them!” Imogen implored, shaking her head at him, “Anyway, you two have fun. I need my beauty sleep, goodnight.” 

Steve grinned heading for the fridge but he suddenly paused, turning back her way with a question at the tip of his tongue. Imogen raised her brows lightly, open to whatever he wanted to say.

“This may sound odd and I don’t mean anything by it but it’s kind of bugging me, why..do you stay here? I mean, you could have your own home and he could visit you..couldn’t he?”

She smiled at him, fond and gentle as she took a sip of her tea, “Well, I could and James would be welcome anytime but he still comes here on occasion, I have to make sure he’s fine.” She glanced about, “This place has a lot of memories held within. There are some I wish I could change, wish I had been braver.”

Steve watched her in silence, her gaze faraway and it slowly came back to look at him shaking her head, “Anyway. It was all I knew before this, childcare and the work around that, ever since I was in my early twenties. I’ve known James since he was born and I was supposed to go once he reached a suitable age where he wouldn’t need a nanny anymore but instead George adjusted my duties for me. I think despite all the bad you may see in that man, I would like to think he knew it would be better for James. I still remember when I was there waiting at the door the first day James came home and it was just..the moment we stared at each other, I knew he was special. It just feels natural to stay in their employ until I feel secure he’ll get the happy ending I’ve been always praying for.” 

He smiled at her, reaching over to give her shoulder a squeeze before letting his arm fall back in place. 

Imogen clicked her tongue in dismay over herself, “Look at me, I’m getting all misty eyed now. Go, get what you need and shoo!” 

Smiling again, she reached over to give Steve’s hand a squeeze and then left out the far corridor near the back of the kitchen as he watched after her, “Goodnight.” 

On his way back, Steve could hear Bucky humming from down the hallway. Moving efficiently through from the kitchen and out of the sitting area, he walked across the main entrance towards the hand-carved library doors propped open. Now with nightfall on them and a lot of the lights turned out, the place was a little more spooky, shadows hiding in corners and the emptiness creating a mild dread in him. It also didn’t escape that Bucky’s parents could show up despite what they planned to do but Bucky was already on top of that, checking updates and making sure their private plane was where it should be. Still, it was something lodged in the back of Steve’s mind.

He stared up ahead when collar tags jingled in an arch of shadows and Nanook greeted him before falling into place alongside Steve and waiting for him to get the doors shut and locked behind. He carried the tray toward the center of the room staring at a modest little blanket fort Bucky had been working on. The desk seemed too heavy to move and chairs were moved in to hold up the sheets, the couch was positioned where they would sit against it and watch the fire. They were close enough for the heat but far away enough to not light the place on fire. He peeked in to see Bucky’s laptop sitting to the side while pillows were being placed before the sofa a few blankets already unfolded and nested around.

“Imogen set this out to take.” He set the tray of various snack foods down uncovering the cling wrap on one specific item and placed the six cup jumbo muffin tray beside his laptop. 

One center cup were filled with whipped cream, the other had a chocolate filling that he knew was definitely Nutella by the smell alone. One corner had a banana that Steve sliced up so they wouldn’t blacken away waiting for the pick up, another had raspberries and blueberries, while another had sections of apple that had some lemon on them and the last spot held slices of pear with the same treatment.

Bucky took a peek and smiled, already dressed in baby blue flannels with pizza slices all over them and confetti that reminded him of the Eighties, Steve couldn’t help the grin on his face as he watched him get the last corner of the bed sheet tent draped out, “That’s how she made me eat healthy. The cream never had sugar and she would have less Nutella, I didn’t notice because of the fruit sugar. Vegetables were my mortal enemy though, had to disguise it unless it was in stick form with no junk on it. Maybe on a good day I would drink stuff like your demon smoothies but it all depended.”

“Demon smoothies?” Steve huffed at him, “Just because you hate drinking vegetables doesn’t mean I have to.”

“ _So-orry_.” Bucky sniped, sticking his tongue out.

Steve stuck a pretzel on it, looking around at the tray, “So I got a couple cans of pop, some sparkling water, chips, pretzels, cookies, your little snack dip thing and a cheese plate.”

“Fancy,” Bucky dropped down in front of his laptop stealing another pretzel, “The fire’s going well, our fort has been created, blankets and pillows, check. Now once we pick a movie and you get changed, we’ll be set.” 

Steve nodded, looking for his satchel as he stole another glance at Bucky only to see fingers already getting into the cream and going into his mouth. He averted his eyes trying to avoid the discomfort in his jeans and regretting life choices, it was only a couple of movies, right? Calm down and enjoy the night, he needed to breathe and rein in any impulses because he already screwed up once today.

_Remember, keep your hands to your damn self Rogers._

Sighing inwardly he tugged off his shirt, Bucky being the unknown variable in the situation meant that was pretty much impossible.

 

Bucky couldn’t and wouldn’t complain when he agreed to a horror movie that Steve picked out but he was in full regret mode the moment everything began to go south in the story. Upon inspection of the preview screens at the torrent site and story synopsis he thought it was manageable only to be scared shitless and exclaiming out loud compulsively at the ultra gore going on.

He even knew what was up, it was classic horror movie formula bullshit up to the letter and he still jumped the moment the music changed from utter silence to something loud and frantic while the killer slipped out from the dark shadowy spot in the room and made a strike for one of the main characters. His hand flew to his chest as if he was attempting to stop his heart from leaping out, his other hand pulling up the blanket like it was going to protect him from the rest of the movie, Nook already half sprawled over his lap sleeping. 

Bucky broke out of his spell and shakily glanced at Steve in embarrassment only to see him grinning without blinking at the scene absolutely unphased by all the violence and body parts. He remembered the first time they saw a horror movie together and rolled his eyes at himself because _oh yeah, that’s right_. 

Without trying to interrupt Steve’s wildly entertaining movie experience, he tried to reach over and tug his friend’s arm away from off his thigh where it was resting with the popcorn bowl. 

Steve jumped from being startled, letting out a couple of curses and Bucky was left staring at him in surprise as he received a dirty look.

“Shit, you scared me Buck!”

Bucky pressed his lips together stubbornly as he glared back, his hand still trying to pull at Steve’s arm and drape it across his shoulders. 

The look across Steve’s features changed from surprise to a softened expression of mild amusement as Bucky shifted in closer until their thighs pressed together.

“Shut up, don’t say _anything_.” Bucky grumpily cut in as he pressed his entire frame against Steve’s side and tucked his head under the blond’s chin. Steve said nothing but Bucky frowned harder when he felt the vibration of his friend laughing at him, the rumbled amusement melting into his skin and Bucky gave his pec a slap, “Quit laughing at me! This movie is _scary_! You said it wouldn’t be super scary! I hate you right now!”

Bucky clung to Steve’s solid warm frame and soon enough his hand came to rest against his back rubbing the spot in slow smooth circles while his free arm came around to gently direct Nanook off and pull Bucky into his lap.

“You don’t have to finish watching it if you want, I can give you a PG play by play while you hide your face.” 

Biting down a smile, Bucky continued to hide his face, startling a little at the blood curling scream that abruptly tore out and sliced right through him, his arms tightening around Steve’s neck as the blond moved his head to get a better view of the movie.

“Quit squirming, I can’t focus on the movie while you’re wiggling.”

Blushing, Bucky forgot where he was sitting and curled up snug, “Sorry.” 

Steve gave him a gentle squeeze in response, settling back into it.

The second movie was thankfully something Bucky could handle. Aliens was a classic and actually a favorite of his. It took about half an hour before Steve was laid out in front of the couch behind him parallel to the laptop screen and propped up by a few pillows. Bucky had shifted to sitting before him at the beginning of it when Steve had gone to take a restroom break but a few minutes after his friend did it, he laid out before him, shifting downward just enough so his head wasn’t blocking Steve’s view. A few minutes after that he leaned his feet back, pressing his toes along the top of Steve’s. 

A few more minutes passed and he shimmied himself backwards so he was pressed against the body behind him and it was followed by Steve resting his hand at his hip where his skin was bare because his night shirt was sliding up, hand rubbing the spot idly. Bucky suppressed a pleased moan as he allowed his head to drop sideways, stretching out longer and pliant, if his back wasn’t already pressed in comfortably he would have bore his stomach for him.

Behind him Steve chuckled, “Like a cat.”

Fingers skimmed up his side and when they brushed along his ribs Bucky squirmed to the ticklish bloom spreading around him. It didn’t really hinder him from telling Steve to stop though, quite the opposite as his body pushed up slightly against the warm palm unashamedly. His toes brushed against Steve’s ankle as he went to hook it around the back of his calf, leaning his weight against the strong wall of flesh and Steve’s hand coaxed itself to slide across Bucky’s stomach. 

For Steve’s credit, he almost pulled away because of how Bucky generally felt about that area but the brunette was using his entire body to rub against him with no complaints, his thumb catching against Bucky’s navel and he lingered there tracing the circle of soft supple flesh listening to the almost-purr Bucky was obviously trying not to let out. 

Steve could never get over how much Bucky liked being touched, steering his hand under his sleep shirt to skim along his chest pausing to press his palm in the center feeling out the beat of his heart, the rhythm steady and relaxed. Even over the conversations going on in the movie he could hear Buck’s breathing, feeling it against his body too as Bucky pressed his head back against shoulder. Steve swept his hand to Bucky’s tummy and then worked his way slowly back up again, rubbing the center of his chest in a smooth comforting motion before Bucky began to go lax and quickly enough fell asleep in his arms.

  


The movie was almost over when Bucky stirred, already turned over and curled up against him with his face hiding away in the crook of Steve’s neck. It was something he didn’t mind at all. What he did mind was Bucky hooking a leg at his upper thigh and keeping him locked in hip to hip and wiggling a little too much as he started waking up to the noises in the film.

“Buck.” He hissed out in warning, “Stop moving around so much.”

Making a desperate noise of panic, Bucky clung tighter to him, “I’m getting bad dreams. And my back is unprotected what if something stabs me there? Steve I’m going to die, I hate scary movies!”

Sleepily, Steve wrapped his arms around him, pulling the spare pillow Bucky wasn’t using so that it was pressed to his back like a shield. If Bucky hadn’t been so jumpy all the other times they watched scary movies he would have thought this was all an act. 

“Just relax, I got you. Get some sleep and stop struggling in, it’s like you’re trying to ride me or something.”

Bucky froze, uncovering his tired face just to look at the blond who stood his ground and raised a challenging brow in question. Bucky had his mouth parted slightly to say something, but he only ended up snorting so loud it woke Nanook up and they both broke out into a fit of laughter. He lightly hit Steve in the chest, feeling his face fall against his shoulder and all Bucky could do was hold on tightly. 

“Stop laughing! You’re awful!”

“ _You_ stop laughing first!” Steve countered, eyes glistening as he raised back up on his elbow, “You started it!”

Dropping his head away, Bucky grinned and couldn’t stop himself from laughing harder, his shoulders shaking from the sheer force, eyes damp as one tear rolled down his cheek. 

Steve tried to hush him, thumb grazing his face, “You’re gonna get us in trouble.” 

Giggles broke away, Bucky hiding his face away, “We’re not _five_ Stevie! Oh my God!” 

His face hurt from all the laughter, wrapping his arms tighter around Bucky’s body as he clutched desperately to him. “Okay okay so maybe we’re not but because of scary movies you can’t be wiggling all over my lap area, deal?”

Bucky’s eyes went wide, lips pressed so tight together they were going white and his cheeks puffed up as he tried not to laugh, his head fell back as he went limp in obvious embarrassment and dismay over the choice of Steve’s words. 

He loved Bucky like this, so open and pure. It seemed like a very special place where he could see him from when he used to see him all the time back in the past. Back when nothing was so bad, where he was sweet and shy and trying his best to be confident around Steve during art class even though he had no idea how nervous and full of butterflies Steve himself felt whenever Bucky was in the same room as him.

Reaching a hand up he brushed back locks of hair falling over Bucky’s forehead and smiled, the muted soft expression of nostalgia etched across his features and it made Bucky stop and stare back, laughter fizzling away and coming back with warmth and love. A hand cupped his cheek and Steve leaned into it, pressing a kiss against the heel of Bucky’s palm never breaking their wonder and they only seemed to beam brighter to one another like two lost stars in a world of black sky.

*****

“So, one of the first things I want to check in on is your medication. Have you been taking it?”

Immediately Bucky picked up his backpack, teeth clamped into his bottom lip in concentration as he dug around before pulling them out for her. The pills were obviously rarely used and a few half doses sat nestled with full tablets.

“I don’t take them unless I gotta sleep and I can’t because of a nightmare. I don’t like them.”

Dr. Potts nodded, taking them to look them over before handing the bottle back as she wrote something down in her notes, “If it’s working, really working I mean, not just a bandaid solution then keep doing that. I would rather you not take it all the time if it doesn’t work that way for you.”

Nodding quietly, Bucky slipped the bottle back into his bag, Nanook looking up as he was laid out on the floor in front of the couch quietly with his head resting on his front paws. It had been the dog’s second time visiting, Pepper insisting to meet him and that it would be a good idea, Bucky had a thought that maybe it may also be because of Ward but he kept that idea to himself. Like he promised, he had gotten rid of the taser and Loki said through very good sources in his circle that there was a little bit of news where Ward was trying to blame it on Bucky but no one was really raising a stink about it, some even pointing out that they didn’t really seem to be surprised if Bucky did do it. 

Pepper gestured her pen Nanook’s way, “Is he part of your reason?”

“A little bit,” Lately, though not a new thought, he had been thinking about his independence. He thought about how he straddled this invisible line where he needed reassurance and support but also with the fact of a baby on the way, he needed to move out. He had no job, money was handed to him and money could also disappear. Brock already told him to take the guest room and Natasha kept telling him not to pack up, that they would figure it out. Johnny offered his place too, he wasn’t sure how he could balance that out. The thought of living with his ex-friend with benefits who still slept around while Bucky was trying to be on some level of monogamous to a person he wasn’t involved with was a little weird. That and Johnny only had one bedroom, despite saying he could turn the office into a second bedroom, the thought of finding different people at any given time in possibly nothing was a turn off.

“I mean not entirely but he helps a lot.” Bucky didn’t mean to, but the whole conversation irritated him lately, more to himself than anyone else. He was a grown man, maybe just barely but sometimes he wondered how many people thought just surviving on his own was something he needed help with. It was something that came and went on and off in his mind and today was a day it was going to show itself a bit more, hands slipping back into sleeves as his arms folded up over his chest.

Staring at him again and nodding as she wrote something else down, Dr. Potts tilting her head curiously when she looked back up, “And Steve? How’s everything with him and all of you as a group?”

A hiccup of a laugh came out of Bucky, shaking his head as he turned to stare out the window and bring his legs up, “Oh Steve? He’s a big idiot, I adore him though.”

Pepper smiled, her gaze studying the defensive way he was positioning himself despite the lift in his voice, “What did he do Bucky?”

Shrugging as if it wasn’t a big deal, he shook his head, “Nothing, he..well we were going to meet and he was coming with Clint but instead when he got close he started singing. I want to know what love is, of all the songs he could pick. He chooses that one love song from Foreigner. It was funny, Brock couldn’t stop laughing.”

“Did you really think it was that funny?”

Feeling like he was caught out, Bucky paused, cocking his head to one side, “Can I level with you?”

She folded her hands over her notes, leaving them sitting over her lap as she studied him seriously, “Of course.”

Bucky pulled his hand out from his sleeve, chewing at the corner of his nail, “It was kind of sweet, you know? I don’t know what possessed him to do it but it was nice, just for me. It’s just stupid that he did it.”

“Why would it be stupid if it was for you?”

He kept shaking his head at the thought, “I don’t think I deserve that. It was totally romcom stuff, you know? I don’t know what his message was because it wasn’t like he said I love you or something dumb like that, or asked me out he just sang on top of a car and when I asked if he was crazy he basically said yes. Then everything was normal again and you know what? After that we all went out a couple days later, Brock was being nice to him..well he was choking him but not punching him- ”

Pepper’s brows slipped upwards, trying to keep her face muted.

Bucky smiled slightly, “He was saying something to him instead of trying to kill him, I don’t know what he said but I was ready to get them pulled apart. Instead Brock just said his peace and left him there looking as confused as I was, even Jack looked confused so it wasn’t just me.”

Tilting her head to think, “So let’s go back to the singing. How come you don’t think you deserve it? It sounds very clear that it was something he conceived as something you should have. Has he done any- ”

“ -We almost kissed!” Bucky abruptly blurted out, soft blue eyes going wide after as hands pressed over his mouth, “I wasn’t supposed to even tell you about that. Shit.”

“Why not?”

Bucky sighed, “ _Because_. I don’t know if we did, he might have been just trying to drop his head or was going to kiss my cheek or something, he does that a lot. I’m not a hundred percent sure about it.”

“And what if he had tried to kiss you, would it have been so bad for him to?”

Glancing off as his eyes searched, Bucky’s shoulders dropped slightly, “I guess not but I’m not- ”

She reached over, taking his hand and momentarily forgetting about asking and Bucky’s gaze returned to her, “You _are_ worth it. No one is worth less than someone else and if you want that as well, you have every right to be happy and take it.”

Bucky bit at his lip nervously, his hand turning over carefully under her hand to hold hers, giving it a barely felt squeeze, “I’m scared.”

Dr. Potts’ eyes were soft and sympathetic, “Why are you scared? Because of your past?”

Nodding ashamedly, Bucky finally drawing his hand away and crossing his arms over his chest, and Pepper sat back.

Bucky leaned his back against the couch, willing himself to sink deep in and disappear. He couldn’t sort out his thoughts fast enough. He let himself think about it for a few minutes like when Jack spoke to him about it, what if Steve wanted him, finally wanted him?

Instead of being ecstatic about it, it was terrifying. He wanted this for years and if it was an attempt for a kiss, he just wasn’t sure if he felt like he was ready for it. They were so close but what if this was some kind of settling he was doing? They were dependent on each other. What if Steve _thought_ this was what he wanted because it was who he was with a lot of the time? 

Bucky knew the rational side of him probably thought better, felt that wasn’t how Steve was feeling if it was true and that he did care but how much? Bucky had no idea and he didn’t want to Steve to regret it. 

He wasn’t even sure if he was good enough for Steve. Had he done enough to prove it to whatever higher power there was? He wasn’t sure at all and afraid everything was going to blow up in his face. He was so scared.

“I can hear those wheels turning in your head.”

Glancing up from his hands, Bucky looked at Dr. Potts apologetically, her face soft and relaxed, “Sorry.”

“Tell me what you’re thinking.”

Bucky picked at his nails, the thought of openly admitting how paranoid he was about this Steve thing was overwhelming. He knew how ridiculous he sounded and it was probably worse if he said it out loud. 

Pepper had the power to stick him back in the hospital if she saw it fit no matter how friendly she was to him. If he said something the wrong way, she could easily write him off like the other doctor did. Words and phrases like suicidal, depressive, a threat to himself were stamped in his mind, a sheet of paper he was sure he wasn’t supposed to see the first day on a report. He didn’t know how close to that Dr. Potts thought of him.

“I don’t know, nothing.” He let out, rubbing hands together nervously.

They sat in an awkward silence together, Bucky avoiding eye contact and staring at the corner edge of the table beside her. Pepper slowly set her pen down on her paper as she watched him carefully, a flicker of disappointment on her face.

“Bucky, now you know that if you don’t speak to me about things, I can’t help you and that’s all I’m here to do is to help.”

“I- I am talking to you.” Bucky shot back defensively. His hands felt awkward and shaky, crossing them over his chest to tuck them tightly under his armpits. 

Despite not wanting to think about bad things Dr. Pepper Potts could do because he didn’t want to believe she would do them, all he suddenly began thinking about was her becoming upset towards him and locking him away into a psych ward. He never wanted to go back, and what about his mother? She was so influential. People loved her so much, _he_ loved her so much. If she retaliated and they wanted to work together, they could easily take away whatever control he had left.

Those ideas alone twisted and warped through his mind, wrapping around his brain as tightly as it could, pushing him to feel oddly lightheaded and uneasy. “I don’t, I’m sorry..I just feel. I- ”

Nanook raised his head off his front paws, eyeing him before he was pulling himself up on all fours and pressed his head between Bucky’s hands where he didn’t even notice had come back to his lap. Bucky stammered a few words out and he tried to move his hands along fur but the feeling in his head began to make him feel dizzy, like the walls were slowly closing in on him and the air was dissipating. His jaw stiffened as did the rest of his body, his throat tightening as he tried to swallow and he knew he was slipping into a panic attack. 

It wasn’t full on, it was only encroaching on something that happened when he became worried and scared, he was still able to move a little if he so chose whereas the other ones would incapacitate him and he may have gotten sick from it. Still, it felt big, panic sweeping over him because he wasn’t supposed to act like this in a safe space in front of his own doctor who could shove him into a mental institute. 

He closed his eyes as he forced himself to take a deep breath and grappled to get himself back under control because all he needed was to break out into a full blown attack on the floor in front of Pepper. He was such a trainwreck, he wasn’t sure how he managed to live this long if he couldn’t even answer simple questions without going into an attack. Everyone was right to assume he couldn’t live on his own like a normal human being, he was so _weak and stupid_. They were all right. He was a mess.

Steve didn’t deserve to be burdened by him.

His thought process broke when he felt a heavy tongue run across his face over and over again and he blinked a few times listening to the mild whining coming from his dog. He wiped his face with his sleeve before he buried it into dog fur, “I’m okay Noo, it’s okay.”

“Bucky, there’s no specific thing I need to hear, I just want you to freely talk about what’s on your mind in a safe space. My only concern is that you seem to want to wash over things by telling me only bits and pieces instead of what you really have on your mind.” Pepper paused, waiting until she was able to catch Bucky’s gaze, “I’m not here to lock you up. I know how scared you were to be there, I saw the therapy sessions that were filmed remember? I told you I did. I know how you were giving the _right_ answers so you could get out at the allotted time and that you were worried about being kept there longer. I’m not here to do that to you, do you understand?” 

“I- I don’t feel comfortable right now..can we change the subject? I feel like I’m still trying to fight off a panic attack.” He looked down at Nanook peering up at him, gentle and warm against his fingers, tongue peeking out to give a quick lick at the heel of his hand to assure him.

Dr. Potts straightened in her seat, she looked tense but not unhappy, worry or concern in her eyes as she seemed to try being as delicate as she could, “Can you explain it to me? I know usually that route would let you change the topic to something else but this is why we don’t get anywhere from time to time in our sessions. Why are you panicking?”

Pressing his lips together in mild frustration, Bucky’s hands smoothed across the top of Nanook’s head, his hand closing lightly around fists of fur before he flattened it down and they peered at each other in silence.

“I feel like if I don’t say things right, I’ll be in trouble. In big trouble.” He sighed, wincing a little at how childish that sounded out loud in the open, how silly. “I know, _I’m aware_ , I can have the choice and do things how I want to do it..I do that usually but people that are important to me I..I think if I say the wrong thing I’m going to receive something bad. It’s just in my head over and over again, I know I’m hung up on being lectured or scolded from when I was a kid..”

He paused when Pepper did something with her brows, it was a split second reaction like she was startled and they barely flicked up before returning to how they were before. There was no other indication to it and he waited for her to say something but she didn’t. He wasn’t sure what to make of it but it didn’t seem to mean much of anything he supposed.

“It’s that and,” He drew in a breath as he nodded towards her, “I don’t want to be put back in that institute. No matter how nice it looked, I don’t want to go back there.” 

It was quiet as Bucky took a little bit of time getting his breathing back in order, right then a little shuddered and a little too quick. His teeth clenched together as he felt a wave of nausea rise up in him before it dissipated to nothing, clues that he may get sick, warning him despite the feeling going away as quickly as it arrived. Pepper watched him closely, letting him get a hold on his panic while his fingers brushed along fur again and the only sound that was heard was a car horn somewhere outside. They watched at each other, Pepper’s eyes searching his a long quiet moment before she decided to speak, giving Bucky enough time to say something more if he wanted to.

“I want to let you know right now that I don’t think you need to go back there anymore. As long as we’re working together, I don’t feel a need that you’re a threat to yourself and need to be monitored. I want you to know that and understand that it’s the truth. Okay?” 

Bucky stared dubiously at her for a moment, seconds ticking steadily by, “Okay.” 

“Are you aware also that you included me, possibly unintentionally, in your comments towards you wanting to answer without upsetting someone or receiving a reprimand? If that’s true then you also need to know that what I’m saying is important and I hope you believe it.”

“I..” Bucky trailed off in thought, really thinking about what he said and meant. Maybe he wasn’t really thinking about it, or understanding as he stared at her while she smiled at him. “No, it wasn’t unintentional. I do like you, I don’t want another person to talk to. Did you..mean it?” 

“Mean what, exactly?” 

Drawing in a small breath, Bucky brushed his fingers along one of Nanook’s ears, “That you don’t recommend me being sent back.” 

Pepper clasped her hands together, relaxing back in her chair, “Of course I do. It’s like that time when I was trying to tell your father not to send you to Germany, I meant that too. It wasn’t right and I still don’t believe it was. What I think you need is for someone on a neutral ground to be there to listen to you without any judgment or penalty. It’s what I’ve always thought you needed. You need help and guidance not to be shut away without any support, you may get it later on but you wouldn’t immediately and the time it would take would just circumvent the urgency.”

Chewing at his lip, Bucky stared at her like he was searching for something, eyes roaming across his face, “And why is that important? Why me? There’s so many other people that need your help Doc.”

She nodded in agreement, “You are right, there are, I know there are but you’re with me right now and I know you want to talk to me but you’re holding back. I understand that it makes you feel uncomfortable but I want to tell you that it won’t feel better. It’ll eat away at you, which I’m sure it’s already doing a little bit at a time.”

“Steve says the same thing.” Bucky muttered out lightly, frowning to himself. “He says I can’t keep holding it in, that it’s obviously not working for me.” 

Carefully smiling, she nodded to his comment, “I have to say, I wholly agree with him. You’ve been doing well for yourself, trying to be more open and honest towards your friendship with Steve and what it could be, you’re trying to do things I suggest and seeing if they will work for you which is good. I’m proud that you _are_ trying Bucky but you’ll always come to this turn around until you let it out. You already know this.”

Bucky nodded because he did know it. He was just so scared.

He took another breath, measured and controlled because he needed to, his fingers sliding across his jean clad thighs and wondered absently when? When could he just be a normal person again?

“I told you about the postcard already, that everyone’s pretty sure it was Ward. He’s never admitted to it yet, even when Steve almost hit him when we were all out at a club but he never denied it either. I never told you about the thing _after_ the postcard. I burned some Polaroids with Steve there, I wanted to get rid of them, I didn’t want anyone else seeing them and I know I didn’t want Steve to see them either but I was desperate to keep him with me while thinking about them locked up in a box that I just asked him to come with me.”

Dr. Potts was curious but holding an air of unease, “What were on those photographs Bucky?”

“Alex took them,” He sighed about that in itself, closing his eyes so he could speak without worrying about catching any of Pepper’s minor expressions or reactions. Nanook shifted against his lower legs, pressing his weight and sitting on his feet, head tucked across his lap and Bucky knew he was watching him obediently. “Like, there was a stack of them, maybe fifteen or twenty I can’t remember. I was stripping for him and I was drunk and I didn’t explain these things to Steve, but there was a look on his face of horror though so I know he probably figured it out. Alex has this way about him, this _charm_ I was really into. I thought I was making my own decisions but I know now he was making them for me without me picking up on it. I mean I know it’s my fault for wanting to please him and keep him happy but all these times now when people try to touch me, or be inappropriate with me, I never really realized he had been doing those things before too. I’ve been burying so much of what he said to me during our time together and his actions out of my head but it never goes away. He’s been missing for over two years but he’s with me every day saying things that sounded nice and normal but were just _mean_ and if he comes back I’m so scared something will happen.”

Pepper quietly sat and tried to be as still as she could, scribbling down notes lightly while Bucky kept his eyes shut. His chest rose and fell a little faster but it was the only sign of distress and she waited patiently for him to carry on with what he wanted to get off his chest.

“..Like something bad. I have this dread that sits around my entire body that doesn’t belong there. Sometimes I wake up in cold sweats, if it’s not waking up from a nightmare. Then I sleep in the tub or I walk around after making sure Steve isn’t awake or anyone else if I’m somewhere else. I’m afraid..that maybe one day instead of Grant surprising me, or watching me from somewhere else, it’ll be Alex. I’m afraid he’ll just walk back into my life like he expects that seat he had to be pulled out just for him again, that I would wait for him. Actually, I’m sure if he came back he would expect me to be loyal to him like I was before.” Bucky winced, curling his hands into fists, “This is going to sound bad, but..I hope he’s never coming back. Sometimes I think something bad happened to him, _really bad_ and I can’t find myself to feel terrible if it’s true.”

Bucky trailed off, breathing heavier than he was a few seconds ago, his eyes slowly opening and looking down at his hands as he smoothed them out across his jeans again. He shook his head in disbelief to even think something like that, “I’m so- ”

Pepper was suddenly raising her pen and pointing it in his direction in a casual but assertive gesture, “ -Don’t apologize. Not for your thoughts, they’re just that..thoughts. It’s natural to feel anxiety and stress over someone you don’t want around coming back into your life. You’re allowed to have no sympathy for him if something has happened to him, you don’t owe this person anything more especially if they were impacting your life in a negative and abusive manner. He sounds like he was exploiting you and I cannot sit here and let you say sorry for that. And do you see my face Bucky? See how much I’m not angry or mad or anything like that because you’re admitting things? This is a _safe place_ for you, I just want you to know that and rely on it for yourself. There are no consequences here, alright?” 

Seconds ticked along, Bucky swallowed and eventually nodded, “Okay.” 

“..And, I want you to keep remembering that, whatever it is that happened between you both.” She pressed her lips together, drawing in a half beat of breath and staring into his eyes with the sincerest of expressions she could show him, “It’s not your fault. Please remember that the most.”

Bucky froze and something in his eyes crossed a trace of terror before he caught himself and really understood that she trusted what she was saying, his mouth softening in a downward pull of sadness as he nodded in acknowledgment. Maybe she did but he wasn’t so sure, swallowing nervously, “..I wish I could believe that.” 

He still felt disjointed and thrown off, his hand continuously brushing along the top of Nanook’s head as he tried to ease from all the anxious energy bouncing about inside of him that he didn’t need right then. His heart beat was slowly going back into its normal rhythm and he just wanted to slip out of the state he had dropped himself into.

Pepper looking at the clock, catching Bucky’s eyes when she returned back to him again, “We have a few minutes left in our session, would you like to talk about anything else?”

Thoughts crossed his mind but nothing really stuck out to Bucky, shaking his head because he had enough of their appointment. He felt tired and _drained_ and maybe he respected the good doctor a little more, that she wasn’t an enemy like he kept scaring himself into thinking but talking about Alex was so heavy and obtrusive, it made him feel so worn out.

An idea crossed his mind, hesitantly glancing up at her as he raised his hand a little and gesturing at the couch space beside him, “Would you..?”

She stared at the spot a moment, deciphering what Bucky couldn’t say and she rested her book down in her chair as she joined him on the couch next to him. 

Relaxing, Bucky gave her a nod and held his hand out, “Is this okay?” 

He knew he was asking a lot, unsure of the whole idea but Pepper didn’t hesitate, taking his hand and holding it as both their hands rested between them and Bucky closed his eyes. He let the clock run its course this way, layers of negativity peeling off and his fingers around a warm gentle hand. It was so nice that Bucky hadn’t realized he ran over five minutes of time, eyes widening in panic when he saw the clock and Pepper laughed softly beside him, giving him a squeeze before Bucky let her go.

“If it wasn’t okay, I wouldn’t have said yes Bucky. Remember that you’re allowed to do things you want to do, you don’t have to please everyone all the time.”

Nodding to her, Bucky attached Nanook’s leash onto his collar before shouldering his backpack on, “I’ll try to remember that.”

Walking towards her desk after collecting her note pad, Pepper smiled brightly, “That also means when Steve wants to spoil you, let him!”

Blushing red, Bucky broke out in a grin as he attempted to duck his face away from her gaze, “Later Doc.”

*****

Steve took a peek at his watch, glancing back up to look towards the park across the street out of the bay window watching various people walking around with their dogs or alongside a friend enjoying the snowfall before the day possibly got messier as it was reported to be. There were already banks of shoveled and plowed snow and more was coming from the looks of it, Natasha apparently right on her thoughts. It was a thick white haze across darkened grey skies this morning and just bright enough to get around. He guessed there may be a few more good daylight hours left before it would really become too blinding to get through, at least by car, he wasn’t sure who would want to be walking the park then anyway.

He returned his gaze to a sketch of Bucky he had been working on at one of the two smaller tables sat just beside the window inside the French cafe and bakery that he had gone to with Bucky. He still had a little time before Bucky was due to meet him, book opened wide and laid out on the smooth white surface, a half eaten croissant and a coffee sitting nearby. His peacoat sat comfortably draped against the back of his chair, shading in the darker color of Bucky’s hair when the chair beside him was pulled out, a hand sweeping in so Steve was unable to close his sketch book out of automatic reaction as he looked up.

Dark gloves and a black coat met him first. Slicked hair and a smile that was slightly too wide with grey eyes staring at him and the hand retreated when Steve helplessly kept the sketch book open but turned it with the spine towards his company to avoid them seeing his work more than they already had. 

“Mr. Rogers, I hope I didn’t startle you.”

Steve struggled to get a grasp on his feelings, finally getting himself to internally shake him out of it and make his tongue work, “No, Mr, Barnes. I um, just a little taken aback. I was waiting for..someone.”

He internally winced knowing it was most likely way too obvious being that it was a walking distance from Bucky’s doctor that there was probably no one else other than him he was waiting for and George only smiled wider. He reached over with his gloved hand again and turned the sketch book his way to see where Steve had been, his pencil holding the spot for him and he was frozen in place from stopping him, Bucky’s face peering back at the both of them.

“I believe I have a good idea who you were waiting for. A perfect likeness of him if I do say so myself.”

Steve promptly closed the book, arms folding over them and pulling it in closer to himself, “What would you like Mr. Barnes?”

“George, you should get used to calling me that. Please, I insist.”

Not really interested in doing so, Steve vaguely nodded, “What do I owe for this visit?”

“May I?” He asked, gesturing to the seat.

Steve would have preferred declining but gave him the go ahead anyway, reaching to take a sip of his coffee.

“I’ll cut to the chase.” He retrieved his phone from his coat pocket, removing his gloves before entering a code that slipped to a screen asking for his thumbprint. He turned the phone Steve’s way, a frozen image of him being stupid on the taxi cab sat there and for some reason he didn’t think it would get to Bucky’s own father.

His shoulders suddenly fell because _why did it matter_?

Trying to keep his expression neutral, Steve only blinked, “That would be me.” 

George nodded like he was glad for the confirmation though it was obvious he was sure it was him already, putting his phone away, “My good wife seems to think you’re causing a problem now that she has a good idea of your standpoint on being around James after that little episode, which in turn ends up making it _my_ problem.” 

Exhaling heavily, Steve sat back in disbelief, “If you have an obsessive need to threaten me or _warn me_ about things, you should probably get in line behind Brock or at least know it’s useless. You’d have to throw me into a dumpster to get rid of me.”

Maybe he shouldn’t have suggested that.

George smiled though, shaking his head like Steve was being ridiculous and he hadn’t been getting his ass kicked by Rumlow. He was quite sure that Bucky’s parents knew about it and reveled in it. 

“Don’t be so dramatic Mr. Rogers. I’m not here to threaten you.” 

Ash grey eyes studied him, hand resting against his other, his demeanor suddenly relaxed and not as overbearing. He looked so much like how he would predict Bucky would look in maybe twenty years but not as harsh or standoffish, laugh lines around his eyes instead of just natural ones like the man sitting before him. He’d look just as beautiful then as he did now.

A coffee was set down before George by one of the waitresses, a secondary saucer with a carafe of cream and a tiny holder of sugar next to it. He smiled up at her with a polite nod, “Thank you.”

She smiled wide at him, “You are very welcome Mr. Barnes.” 

They both watched her leave, George returning back to his drink to add a splash of the cream and a packet of brown sugar, “I’m here to warn you, but not in the way you think.” 

Steve startled, his eyes distracted in watching the actions at hand. He looked up at him, “Excuse me?” 

“Winifred,” That softer expression came back, the one Steve recalled when George mentioned not knowing Bucky as much as he wished he did. The day of his show at the gallery, “If your intent is to _be_ with James then tread carefully, she will do things to scare you away or try to destroy you, whichever way is easier for her. She won’t care who it will hurt, especially not James.” 

Narrowing eyes, Steve stared hard at him, “Forgive me about not thanking you for this but you’re warning me about your own wife, why shouldn’t I just stop listening right there?”

He met Steve dead on, a practiced move that invoked intimidation, “Because despite my actions and your disbelief of it, I meant what I said before. I will do anything to protect James, even from his own mother. There is a large probability that she could have accidentally killed him if I left that woman alone with him as a baby for long periods of time; off to get a phone call or answer some visitor with James in the bath or something as ridiculous. She has no maternal instinct, some mothers don’t. She’s one of them. You’ll never manage to pull James away from us, but he’s already shown he’ll do anything to protect you. Despite his naive nature, he has enough awareness to secure that for only his good friends..and to an extent Imogen. Winifred has tried to get rid of her since James was a child so understand that I’m the only person in this world who can be of help to you over this. I kept his friends because James needed them when all Winnie wanted was for them to not exist and influence him. Do you see the pattern? I also want to add that you’re not very good at hiding yourself when I thought about looking for it, and expanded on that. I’m honestly appalled at myself that I didn’t see it before our conversation but you are safest under me as long as you’re useful.”

Steve paused a moment, "Wait, you've been investigating me?"

George frowned like it was the stupidest question he had ever heard. "I know you're a bright boy so it couldn't have been that much of a surprise. I was wary of your intentions at the gallery, anyone that puts a large amount of interest in James becomes an issue with me that I need to figure out and resolve. Most of them want something where he ends up getting the wrong impression and because they lie to get it, I don't blame him for assuming so. Of course, when you know that your son lays in bed with someone he's truly enamored with, you become more concerned."

Feeling his entire body full on blush, Steve's ears burned at the same rate as his chest and toes were, drawing in a nervous breath and avoiding George's entire existence outright, "We don't do anything." He explained despite not knowing _why_ he was doing it. He didn't owe this man a thing and yet he had to be clear. 

"It's curious," George let out, glancing out the window. "I think anyone else saying that would have me wondering if they thought I was that stupid but you, I _know_ you don't. Lately James has taken on countless lovers when in the past he wasn't that way at all. He sought relationships and companionship, something he's seeking with you now. So of course, this clearly meant I had to make sure you were not a threat to him or our family. I dropped my guard once, I don't plan to do it again." 

Steve could only hug his book closer to his chest, wary and defensive.

George took a sip of his coffee, setting it back down on the pristine saucer, “Also, fortunately for you, James would be less helpful if you were gone though it still doesn’t erase the fact that Mrs. Barnes will always picture James with a woman on his arm and not a man. I..couldn’t care less as long as he puts an interest in the company. If it means less to no more of his rendezvous with strangers, I would prefer it.”

Steve sat there staring at him, he really had no idea what to say. On the one hand, the idea of George wanting to protect Bucky from his homophobic wife and warn him in the process was admirable, but on the other hand he was still an abusive asshole in his mind.

“I also want to point out,” George let out after taking another savored swallow of his coffee, a napkin folding over his finger to dab at his lips before he continued, “You’re also in Robert Pierce’s crosshairs now. Antagonizing him won’t be in your best interest.”

Licking his lips contemplatively as he let that process, Steve really tried to look at the man in front of him, “What exactly does that mean?” 

“It means I would be very careful around Mr. Ward if I were you.”

“I’m not the one who started it.” Steve bit back with a frown.

Tilting his head, George pressed his lips together prudently, “Are you sure about that?” 

Steve thought back to that night at the party, it was true that he _kind of_ started getting into it but Grant could have shut him mouth. He exhaled deeply from his nose, “I don’t like bullies.” 

“Be it as it may, you’ve gotten their attention and until someone produces the whereabouts of Alexander Pierce you may find life a little difficult at times. If you’re important to James, you’re a commodity to them. Obviously the reason why I took you in so readily. At least you prove yourself to be useful, your work is inspiring.” 

Glancing up at the ceiling to avoid being belligerent, Steve shook his head, “So what part of my sob story is easier to sleep to? The poor boy inspirational artist or the part where you use my ma’s cancer as a sales gimmick?”

Smiling humorlessly, George stared at him carefully, eyes searching for _something_ Steve couldn’t quite get. “I can see why James likes you. He adores strong willed people, surrounds himself with them. You should be honored.” 

Steve cut to his own chase, “Why are they so sure Bucky knows where Alex is or what happened to him?” 

“As far as the Judge is concerned, James was the last person to see him alive despite what the service maid reported. They also had a relationship, no matter how much Winifred insists to anyone that listens that they were only good friends, he’s been under their scrutiny for the past two years. Dead or alive, they think my son knows for sure.” 

Steve immediately went back to Brock’s comment and his ongoing _rage_ , “Do you have an opinion on Bucky being the one to see him last because Brock- ”

“ -James would never hurt a fly if that is what you’re implying. He may kill a spider if he’s brave enough but to hurt another human being, no. He’s gotten into fights but he’s never tried to inflict damage to a degree where he could seriously have the police involved. That’s Brock Rumlow’s expertise.” 

Something about the comment of the spider rang true and honest in Steve, surprised him actually because he really didn’t think George would be one to notice Bucky’s phobia about them. In an obscure way he was a little touched even if it was just for a second causing him to be inclined to listen a bit longer. Maybe he was treading on thin ice but he had to ask, his skin feeling cold and clammy, nervousness filling his veins, “What are you exactly saying about Brock?” 

“If you were to ask me off the record,” George finished off the last bit of his coffee, pulling himself out of his seat as he withdrew his wallet and placed a twenty down, “I would have to say Mr. Rumlow was the last person to see him alive. Of anyone on the other side of his fist, you would understand the sentiment of why that would be the most. Good day Mr. Rogers.” 

Steve was stuck staring in silence as he watched George stepping around the table and slipping his coat back on. From the far end window he saw Nanook and Bucky walking along and his body sprang into action, collecting his sketchbook and pencils. He stuffed them into his satchel and followed after George, Bucky already stopping a few feet from the entrance.

Eyes went from his father to Steve, wary and confused, “What are you doing here?” 

“He came in to get a coffee.” Steve blurted out before anything else was said.

George was less flustered about the situation, his eyes focused on Nanook, “Who’s dog is that James?”

Bucky looked startled, Nanook sniffing at George’s shined shoes before moving back and forth in a small wary figure eight type of way between the two of them. He eventually stopped but didn’t relax, staying blatantly in between the both of them, body inching forward slightly forcing George instinctually to step half a foot back like he was getting out of the dog’s way. Only Nanook seemed to have made it a border, moving back just enough so he could relax and sit down. It gave Bucky breathing room, two arm lengths away from his father and an escort slotted in between while Steve stood to the side, a little impressed at how the dog’s instincts worked.

“I..” Bucky looked back up after the canine settled, trying to grasp words.

“He’s my dog.” Steve cut in, reaching out to pet Nanook between his ears, receiving a tilt of his head towards Steve’s hand easily, eyes closing as he relished. 

The last thing Bucky needed was for Nanook being taken away from him, he didn’t even want to think what that would do and his mother was already threatening him. The story about the tap water and Bucky’s fish kept coming back to him. It was something people could relate to, it was a simple mistake but he just couldn’t shake off the thought that it was on _purpose_. Bucky didn’t seem to think it was the way he told it but Steve wasn’t so sure it was as innocent as it seemed the more his mother showed her true colors and the more he thought about it. There was no proof to contradict it anyway but he still didn’t like it especially after what Mr. Barnes was saying.

George’s expression was unreadable, his eyes looking towards the black town car parked at the curb. He glanced back at Steve, then Bucky before letting go of obviously something he wanted to say. He slipped on his gloves in lieu of it, staring up at the dark grey sky while his driver came around with an umbrella held over his head to block out some of the snowfall, moving in to open the door for him. George pressed a hand to keep his coat closed before stepping in, “Gentleman.” 

Bucky fixated on the car, raising his hand automatically to give the tinted window a wave when it was closed. He smiled at the driver when the man tipped his hat before moving back to the front side and watched them go, turning back to Steve afterwards. “So why was my father really here?”

Steve slipped his coat on as they walked together, “Just some business.”

It wasn’t like he was technically lying.

Bucky frowned anyway, “Try again. He wouldn’t come all the way here to grab a coffee or talk to you about your art work.”

Steve flashed him a look of feigned surprise, “Are you saying my work isn’t amazing enough for a visit from your dad?”

“I’m saying..” He slipped his arm around Steve’s, “That he could easily get Jane to contact you about that. Personal visits are for people with big names and big bucks..or for intimidation. Now, I’m asking you again..why was he here?”

Steve quickly weighed the pros and cons of keeping the real reason from him but he was trying to be honest, there were too many secrets and misunderstandings and needless problems in their life, he didn’t want to add another. “He thinks your ma’s going to come after me in some way.” 

Pausing on the sidewalk, Bucky looked at him, tightening the arm hooked around Steve’s, “What? Why would my father- ”

“I think because he loves you.” Steve blurted out. He didn’t know where that came from, both their eyes widening and Steve shrugged helplessly. “I mean, in some weird dictator way I assume.”

Still unconvinced, Bucky began to slowly walk again, Nanook sticking closer to his side but walking along as Steve followed lead, “But why you?” 

“Your ma thinks I’m trouble already, why not? We live in each others pockets, we’re best friends. I’m gay and you’re not supposed to be attracted to guys. Imagine I showed up with you when you went back to Germany and- ”

“No.” Bucky shook his head repeatedly, “ _Johnny_ is bisexual, the press don’t say anything most of the time..we didn’t _do_ anything in public. We’re friends they would have no right- ”

Steve moved to stand before him, resting hands at Bucky’s elbows to reroute his focus, “Hey, look at me. It doesn’t matter if we’re friends, if we’re enemies, if we’re lovers or married or boyfriends. If they get the idea you’re gay it’s news, it was news when you were asked by that guy back in November, it was probably news before. If Johnny didn’t restrain himself during that weekend trip, it would be news now. She doesn’t want that sort of press on her son especially when she’s got tunnel vision on his preferences. And since your dad thinks I’m worth something to him at the moment, he decided to come warn me.”

Bucky looked spooked, eyes wide and wary as he stared back in wonder, “If he came to see you, she’s going to do something bad. Doesn’t that scare you? It scares me.”

Steve simply shook his head, “No, it doesn’t scare me. Why would it? She can do whatever she likes to me, I won’t stop being your friend.”

Something in Bucky’s mind clicked, a tiny humored expression coming in, “You sound like Clint.”

Smiling a little, Steve stared back at him, “Yeah?”

Nodding, Bucky swallowed and glanced at Nanook, reaching out to scratch him under his chin, “Yeah. She hates Clint, they’re pretty much oil and water. He’s not afraid of shooting his mouth at her and she hates that she can’t hurt him. She’s tried but it’s mostly inefficient and ends up backfiring on her and he ends up getting right in her face again and again.” 

Steve believed it, smirking at the mere idea Clint could easily antagonize her, actually he was in love with the concept. His mind also took him aside picturing Sam looking at him with a serious shake of his head asking if he really wanted to be a part of that family but then again Bucky’s parents didn’t really have to be counted if and when he wanted to take those steps for furthering a possible future together.

He noticed Bucky looking worried and fretting as they walked together a couple blocks off as they aimlessly wandered.

“Are you okay?”

Bucky shrugged, “Yeah, I guess. I’m just worried, if she really does something I hope it’s nothing terrible or I hope things just interfere with her trying to do something. You know?”

Steve draped an arm around Bucky’s shoulders pulling him close, “Whatever happens will happen. We’ll get through it, nothing’s gonna change my mind about anything. She can’t scare me away, I just don’t want her to hurt you.” 

Bucky shook his head, “I just don’t..I don’t want a breaking point to happen.”

“It won’t, I promise.” He could see Bucky still really didn’t believe it, his finger lifting off his friend’s shoulder to point out the little bakery and if Bucky could be eased with anything, it was food, especially baked goods. “Look, you wait here, I’m going inside. I’ll surprise you.”

Brightening, Bucky bit his lip as eyes were eager but manners were coming out, “Oh, you don’t have to get me anything..”

“Shh, don’t peek.”

“Rude.” Making a face, Bucky turned his back to the shop, Nanook pulling at his leash as he started moving at the corner of the building to investigate something and the brunette followed him along.

Steve was only inside for five minutes, scratch that, three minutes if that. It wasn’t rush hour and a couple of people that were there before him were still choosing while he had already zeroed in on slices of decadent fudgey chocolate cake and a fluffy delicious looking coconut cake. He ordered one slice from each with the girl on standby ready to help and he settled on a slice of coffee cake for himself as well as a vanilla bean cupcake for dessert later. The second he was outside and Bucky laid eyes on him, he turned with his back to him and tried to act natural, peacoat bunching around him. The action in turn meant Steve was immediately aware something was up. It didn’t help that Nanook was sitting at his side watching Bucky’s chest and not his face like he usually did, Steve approaching the pair warily.

“Okay spill it. What happened? Couldn’t have killed someone in three minutes unless you got a gun under that coat somewhere and that’s really weird if you do..” He rounded Bucky to face him and that guilty expression was so adorable Steve almost considered letting him get away with murder if that was what it was.

Bucky bit at his lip scanning Steve’s face before his shoulders dropped and he opened his coat a little, nudging a slight lump Steve had incorrectly mistaken for extra coat material. Two furry dark grey ears peaked out then slowly a white face with soft grey accents around bright blue eyes, rivaling Steve’s own, revealed itself. Steve was in for trouble if that kitten stayed too long with Bucky and he knew it. It blinked up at him before hiding again and Bucky wrapped his arms around himself carefully.

“Nook found him in the alley just now, he was in a blanket inside a shipping box shaking because he’s so cold. The second Nanook was sniffing about though he darted into the corner on his back legs scared for his life. No label though so I couldn’t give you an address to go scare the living shit out of someone for abandoning a kitten at the slow beginning of a snowstorm..”

Bucky wasn’t looking at him, hands gently stroking the cat through his coat, it was purring so loud Steve could really hear it.

“Buck we cant- ”

“ -I _know_..”

Steve kicked himself over how unhappy Bucky sounded. Maybe one day they could have a place together, somewhere quieter where he could help animals and keep them until they could get adopted. The last thing he would need is to step on a tiny thing like that in his apartment on top of the risk of getting kicked out for too many pets. A Malamute that was still growing was a problem already and Nanook started to forget he wasn’t so small anymore.

He stepped closer, almost chest to chest with Bucky, reaching a finger to gingerly pet at the small tuft of grey fur barely sticking out. The kitten’s head poked back up to see who was touching him and a little pink nose bumped against Steve’s finger before he revealed himself a little more and purred louder, a tiny little tongue licking at the ridges of his fingertip and Bucky smiled albeit a little sadly.

“He’s cute.”

“Yeah..”

He gazed back up and cupped Bucky’s cheek, “One day it’ll be different, alright?”

Trying to hide the pout across his lips, Bucky nodded regretfully, “I just, I don’t know..”

“You wanna save them all, I know. You’re saving this one though, you just don’t get to do it alone.”

“But- ”

“ -You want to. I know that too. Not today Buck, you have one big baby to take care of anyway, let’s take the kitten to the shelter so he can get checked up and have some food in his little belly. Alright?”

Bucky immediately nodded, cradling the bundle against his chest with an arm so his free hand could make a grabby hand for the insulated coffee cup that Steve was holding with the twine bound bakery box, “Is it..?”

Steve made a face as he handed the drink over, “Pumpkin spice lattes should be outlawed, I hope you respect where I stand on this.” 

Bucky smiled wider at him, dropping his head to the side and resting at Steve’s shoulder as he took a tentative sip, a pleased moan slipping out of him, “So good, oh God I would have sex with it.”

Side glancing at the brunette licking whipped cream off his lips and he shook his head, “Please stop.”

“But it’s _so good_. Have you tried one?”

“I don’t even want to hazard a guess on the calorie count on that thing and yes I have taken a sip of one. I can’t on good conscience say they’re good..I totally wash my hands of pumpkin spice beverages.”

“Heathen.” Bucky sniffed petulantly at him, lifting his head to glare, “I’m laying in bed next to a heathen.”

A group of girls began giggling in their direction as they passed and Steve smiled, shaking his head, “I just don’t like them Buck.”

“Heathen.” Bucky repeated in a dissatisfied tone as he glanced off ahead of them, starting towards the next bank of businesses once Steve managed to map out where the nearest animal shelter was. 

Grinning to himself, Steve thought about teasing him some more just to push his buttons on the matter but watching Bucky be fussy and pouting about pumpkin spice lattes at this level was a whole lot easier to deal with and keep him at than Bucky returning to making pained sad faces about giving up the stray kitten he was holding to his chest.

The snow was really coming down.

*****

Bucky assumed everything was fine when he showed up to hang out with Jack and Brock except it clearly was not. It wasn’t a big noticeable change but he could see Jack was wound up and quieter than usual while Brock noticed the difference too but said nothing about it.

They went through dinner in a space of awkward forced conversation when Jack was in it and if he wasn’t, Brock felt like something would break in Jack if they enjoyed themselves too much. Bucky wasn’t sure if he should ask about it and Rummy seemed on the verge of wanting to tell Jack to spill it.

He hadn’t had the chance to ask if they were okay after the club, his own memories vague and a blur when he could remember something. He recalled Brock threatening Steve but giving his approval on what? Them dating? He wasn’t sure if he was dreaming the lap dance part because he had a lot of fantasies about that with Steve in it and he was afraid to ask. That and the possible kiss thing, his father, what Dr. Potts said..he was distracted.

He managed to get Jack alone when he was on the first floor looking through storage for extra blankets. He stuffed a pair of thinner ones into the washing machine and added some detergent while Bucky approached carefully.

“Hey, are you alright?” 

Jack glanced over his shoulder before turning back to close the lid and set the washer on, “Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”

Leaning against the machine, Bucky stared at him, “You’ve been really quiet tonight.” 

Hesitating, Jack straightened up and shrugged, “I don’t know what to tell you, been thinking a lot and- ” 

He paused when Brock started coming down the stairs and busied himself with moving the laundry basket onto the dryer.

“Buck, go upstairs.” Brock ordered, not looking his way as he stared directly at Jack with an unshakeable drive.

Shoulders slumped as Bucky pouted, he tried to look at Jack, who only looked down and defeated, “I’m not a child Rummy, I wanna know- ”

“Go upstairs Sloneczko.” Jack let out quietly, hand coming up to pinch the bridge of his nose.

Eyeing the both of them, Bucky frowned as he took a couple steps back, slowly turning around and hesitating a moment at the base of the stairs before eventually running up them.

Jack stared up at the ceiling with a soft sigh waiting until the television went on before he turned to Brock, “Whatever hair you got up your ass, can you just leave it alone?”

Looking at him in surprise, Brock’s eyes narrowed, “No! I ain’t leavin’ shit alone when it comes to you!”

Jerking out a hand between them tiredly, Jack shook his head, “Why does it matter? It’s nothing Brock.” 

“Seems to be _somethin’_ to me! Wait, are ya upset because there really was some guy at the club because if- ”

Jack looked at him, eyes wide and bewildered and much too frustrated over all this. It suddenly felt like too much for him and he couldn’t deal with any of this anymore, “Brock listen. There is no _guy_. There were never any guys, barely any girls. There was only you. Do you get what I’m saying?”

Confused and feeling a fraction of frustration, Brock folded his arms over his chest, “What’re ya saying?”

“You..” Jack closed his eyes, suddenly amazed at everything.

Brock raised his brows expectantly, looking at Jack who opened his eyes again and looked like he was ready to tear him a new one.

“Brock, right at this moment you have got to be the most stupidest, most dim witted moron- ”

Clenching his jaw, Brock stepped closer with his head held up glaring at Jack, “ -Yeah you keep goin’ on there asshole.”

Shaking his head in sheer annoyance, Rollins’ cheek twitched slightly, closing in the space between their chests before he suddenly sighed and seemed to deflate entirely.

It honest to God confused the hell out of Brock, eyes darting over his face for some sign of what was happening, his brain going into absent panic.

“You’re such an idiot Brock, such an idiot.” Jack whispered out softly, words barely lingering in between with no heat to them, his eyes seemed to soften immensely, fear encroaching in forest greens.

“What’re you goin’ on about Rawls?”

“..I’m in love with you. I’ve been in love with you for damn fucking ever I think. Think the first time I really knew was when you were there with me all the time at the hospital. You refused to leave me. I thought maybe it was the drugs, I was high as fuck every single damn day but the less I took, the stronger I felt about you. You didn’t care about anything else, you even moved into my parent’s old house with me and even though everyone else was there for me too, you were the only one I really wanted to try for. Just to see you smile that smile when you were so proud of something. I wanted you to be proud of me Brock, I always want you to be fucking proud of me.”

Brock stared at him in disbelief, mouth open and lips trying to move and say words but his tongue was fighting him. His copper browns could only _stare_ and try to quickly soften everything out, tongue darting across his lips to moistened them.

“Don’t be stupid Jackie, I’ve always been proud of ya.” He croaked out, “Always. You’re my fuckin’ best friend, it’s why I always shit on ya because you can always pick yourself back up no matter what. No matter what’s happenin’ you’re strong and you get over it. You get through it, we fuckin’ get through anythin’ together you know that? We’re unstoppable..”

Jack gave him a knowing miserable smile, “And yet here we are. I already know you don’t feel the same.”

Brock felt the pain radiating off Rollins, he wanted to reach over and touch him, hold him like any other night he needed him when he was in pain and hurt but this was a pain he wasn’t sure about. This was pain he had no idea how to handle and the fact it was him doing it, it wasn’t right but he didn’t know what else to do.

“I love ya Jackie, I’ll always fuckin’ love ya. You know that but us, I ain’t..I ain’t ever looked at another man before especially not someone I saw as my family. I just..”

Rollins smiled wider, cutting him off with a nod and backing a step. Brock fought the urge to stop him from moving away and yet he let him go too because it was Jack.

“I gotta..I have to go Rum. Gonna need some time.”

Jack’s movements were erratic, automatic and tense. He was tall and big, a stature anyone picked up on the moment he entered the room but this time around he looked small and like he wanted to disappear, body attempting to close itself in and feet trying to escape the embarrassment as quickly as he could. 

Brock stared off at the emptiness, barely picking up the sound of the front door closing, eventually feeling the slight movement of his own feet still in shock over the revelation he never saw coming or maybe he had and wasn’t prepared for. He wasn’t entirely sure in his own damn head. He barely realized Jack had called him Rum, something that was usually affectionate but only sounded empty and disappointed then.

Footsteps rapidly came down the stairs and towards him, too light to be his but something tugged in hopefulness about it. Instead he was met with Bucky’s blazing stormy eyes, “Rummy, what did you do?!”

“I told him the truth.”

Hands grabbed at his shirt, so stiff and numb he made no attempt to push back and step away, not that Bucky made any attempt to do anything more. He looked hurt, clutching the material tight and tugging, pulling Brock in closer, “He’s in love with you."

“Yeah,” Brock choked out, eyes damp and his throat feeling tight and thick. He looked aside and shook his head, “ _Yeah_. He is.” 

“And you told him what? That you don’t love him back?”

“What else was I gonna say Kiddo? What else was there? I ain’t gonna pretend with Jack.”

Bucky tightened his hands around Brock’s shirt, “You’re in fucking love with him too don’t give me that bullshit!”

“I don’t even know what I am! How can I be into Jack if I sleep around with women Buck?!” Brock shouted back.

Sadness washed over Bucky, whimpering softly, “You didn’t even _try_ , you can be into someone and it doesn’t matter if they’re guy or girl. You can just love them, it’s normal to love like that! And you just let him go, you broke his heart.”

Brock shook his head, pulling Bucky to his chest to console him, “Aw Buck, Jackie ain’t no girl. He’ll be fine. Maybe he’s a lil sensitive sometimes but he ain’t not gonna let this get in his way.”

“Don’t you love him though?”

“Yeah I do,” Bucky had started crying and Brock cupped his cheeks to wipe his tears, “I don’t think the way he loves me though.”

Glassy eyes stared at him, “How are you so sure you don’t feel anything for him?”

“Kid, I never thought about him like that. Don’t you think I may have feelin’s if I did?”

Bucky thought about Steve, swallowing quietly as he soothed a hand along Rumlow’s shoulder, “Rummy, I didn’t know I had feelings for Steve for a long time. I thought maybe I just wanted to sleep with him, you know? Just have a good time with someone I thought looked good. Even when we were spending time together I still kept this idea that I wanted to just sleep with him even though I was having romantic thoughts with it. I was ignoring things I should have paid attention to.”

Brock frowned, “But you had feelin’s, some kind at least. I have none for Jack, not like that..I don’t think.”

Looking at him carefully, Bucky stared, “You’re not sure though?”

“I ain’t sure of anythin’ right now.”

“If Jack left and never planned to come back, would it matter?”

He frowned, “Of course it would matter, he’s my family.”

“You keep saying that like some kind of mantra, like you gotta believe that because you’re saying it. Maybe you should think about what you really want to say to yourself because I think, what I feel about you two, is a love where you both never admitted to it until today and even if you never realized it..you will because I know you can’t live without him. He’s not going to wait for you though, you know Jack better than anyone else in this world. He’s going to try his hardest to put on a brave face for you and never look back to his feelings and that’s only if he doesn’t decide to just up and leave so he can forget you because he’s so deeply in love with you.”

Brock looked away, “Bucky stop sayin’ that.”

“He _is_ though. Jackie wouldn’t say that unless he meant it with all his heart, you ever see him tell that to others outside of us? Remember that girl back when he was barely fifteen? She broke up with him because he refused to tell her he loved her because he wasn’t going to lie, asked him if he loved Nat and he said he did and she took it the wrong way? He never..you want proof? Tell me what you figured was going to happen if you found someone to marry?”

Shaking his head, Brock looked up at the ceiling, “Never planned to get with someone to marry ‘em..”

“Why? Was that for you or to keep Jack? Humor me Brock, _please_. What would you have done?”

“ _Bucky_ ,” Brock’s voice was tired and strained, staring hard at pleading eyes as he finally let the look go with a shake of his head, “I ain’t never thought that far. Neither of us had plans and I figured I could get a bigger house and maybe one of them mother-in-law detached self contained homes beside the main house for him so he had his privacy, I don’t fuckin’ know.”

Bucky winced, taking Brock’s hands carefully as he looked into his eyes, “Rummy listen to yourself. You know I love you but just listen to how crazy you sound. Are you sure you don’t feel anything? You just said you were willing to keep him so close to you that he would still be on the _property_ when you got married, _marr-ied_. Jack doesn’t have a place with you if you do that, he’s a self sufficient _adult_ , he’s not your pet. Do you not see how unhealthy that idea is? To keep your best friend as close as you can when you should be focused on building your life with your new wife?” 

Brock shook his head, thoughts running faster than he could process them, “I- I can’t lose him again though Kiddo, there ain’t no way. Not again.”

Bucky cupped his cheeks, earnest and honest, “I know, believe me, I know. You gotta talk to him, honest and open or you will. Trust me on that.”

“This is a lot to swallow.”

Bucky took his hand in both of his, “Take your time to think about it, sort everything out in your head but please, talk to him.” 

He drew back, turning to leave and get his feet into his sneakers, Brock furrowed his brows, “Wait, where are you going?”

“I’m going to spend some time with Jack, I kept telling him that maybe he should tell you. I wanna make sure he’s doing okay so..gimmie your keys.”

Instinct to say something about touching his car forced him to open his mouth so he could retort something but he was already digging into his pocket and tossing them over. He wasn’t going to need them anyway tonight, he knew that much.

“It’s snowin’ bad out there, drive slow.”

“I will.”

Brock watched him leave, frozen and attempting to ease his breathing down until he heard the door close and his car purr to life, pulling out of the driveway a few minutes later with the soft crunch of packed snow beneath its tires. His eyes danced around by the windows, hesitating to move, footsteps careful as they took him upstairs, a firm grip wrapped around the rail. Standing on to the second floor he stared at all the stillness, a cold emptiness gathering itself in over everything, walking through to the den he only stopped at a shelf holding picture frames where there was one he focused on in particular, of Jack smiling with an arm slung around Bucky’s shoulders holding a beer in his other hand. 

He picked it up, staring at it for the longest time before carefully setting it back down, fingers jumping along the frame in nervous twitchiness. Rumlow couldn’t get his eyes off Jack’s face, a thumb softly grazing against the glass that protected the image. It was the last picture of Jack before he left and his life was changed, he was pretty much the same person he was now but there was a tiny bit of _something else_ Brock always saw in that image alone that he didn’t see again. It was why he favored it a little bit more than he maybe should have.

“You fuckin’ idiot.” 

Brock shook his head, feeling frustrated as he glanced away, eventually turning to address the image again, “You were ‘posed to be stronger than me Rawls.” 

His eyes stung, light red rings appearing around them, “Fuckin’ idiot.”

Moving across the room and into the kitchen, he came back out with a bottle of whiskey and ice in a glass already filled halfway as he pointed it at the image, “How’d that even happen? What crawled up in your head to tell me?!”

Brock set the bottle down, drinking the bit in his glass and exhaling lowly as he paced, scowling at that smile that he hated because he relied on it so much.

*****

Jack opened the door shirtless, his hair all messy and yawning obviously just woken up only to find Brock pressed up against one side of the frame. He stood there in a stupor not knowing what to do because clearly the man had been drinking, watching as Brock was fumbling at keys in one hand, obviously managing to get through the lobby but not into his studio apartment and Jack internally sighed. He had been sleeping alright, passed out from reading and too exhausted to care he was pressed face first into the pages once Bucky had left after promising him he wouldn’t do anything destructive.

Brock looked up when he finally noticed there was no door blocking his way in, a dreamy awestruck smile breaking out across his face, “ _Jackie_.”

Jack frowned lightly, “Brock, what are you doing here?”

“Nowhere else I ‘anna be.”

He moved to step in and Jack moved towards him to block his way, “I don’t think this is a good idea.”

Hands gripped at his bicep tightly, pulling desperately at him, “M’sorry Jackie, m’sorry you scare the _hell_ right outta me. I can’t- I can’t Jackie, _I can’t_..”

Jack scowled, “I said it was fine Brock, just maybe it’s not a good idea to crash here. I’ll call you a cab and get you sent home huh?”

Brock shook his head repeatedly, gripping only tighter to him, his other hand pressed against broad chest, “No, Jackie. I came to..‘pologize to ya.”

“There’s nothing to apologize for Brock..”

The man only shook his head over and over again, losing his balance as he leaned in, pressing his forehead against Jack’s shoulder, “I fuckin’ fucked up Jackie you gotta take me back, I can’t..”

Now Jack was confused, leading Brock inside to close the door so the neighbors weren’t bothered and led him to the couch, sitting him down as he sat beside him, “What’re you fucking going about? I never left you, we’re still friends Brock.”

Brock only babbled under his breath, tears glistening at the corners of his eyes as he began blubbering, obvious pain and regret etched across his haggard face.

“I love you Jackie, been in love with you. I fucked up I didn’t wanna,” He drew in a hoarse breath, shaking his head as Jack frowned at him in disbelief, “Didn’t wanna ruin your life and if we didn’t stay together I’d lose ya, I ain’t prepared to lose ya. When I thought you might die, those first contact messages that you were wounded and might not make it! I wanted to die with you, I was plannin’ to kill myself. I fuckin’ never told no one, I couldn’t. I couldn’t! Not without you!”

Jack pulled himself off the couch, distancing himself because this was all too much, “You were going to _what_ if I didn’t make it? Brock, how can you be in love with me since before then?! Why didn’t you fucking tell me?!”

Brock sat up straighter, shaking his head, “I can’t, I couldn’t Jackie. Can’t lose you.”

Eyes narrowing, Jack clenched his jaw, “Stop saying that! You won’t lose me!”

Brock only rattled on, ignoring the way Jack was getting all agitated, “Loved you since the day we met..”

Jack froze, eyes widening a fraction. “What?”

Pulling himself off the couch Brock nodded, face full of discomfort and looking foolish as he tried to steady himself, “Yeah Jackie, yeah. It’s always been younme. _Always_.”

Jack stared at him, mouth moving but nothing came out as he shook his head, shock overtaking as his eyes bore into Rumlow.

“All I know Jackie, is I’ve been so fuckin’ in love with you..” He sighed, tossing his hands up laboriously, alcohol fueling him but body resisting, “My chest hurts every damn fuckin’ time I’m thinkin’ ‘bout you, but I jus..I kept it down, buried away. I had to forget it because I just _couldn’t_.”

Jack put his hands up trying to sort it all out, “So let me understand this correctly, you have always been attracted to me, been _in love_ with me but because you were so afraid something bad would happen you never told me? _Made me think_ every woman you slept with might be the one that pushes you to get hitched and I’d never see you again?”

Brock wore a hangdog expression across his face, “I just didn’t wanna- ”

Jack’s fist connected hard into Brock’s face, toppling him back easily and sending him sprawled across the couch with his elbow colliding firmly into the side of the table. Brock pressed a hand over his face looking up at him and Jack clenched his jaw in anger, hands pressed to his hips before raising one to point at him sharply, “I’m really fucking angry with you right now. Go to sleep and sober the fuck up.” He turned to leave but stopped to look back at him again, “And don’t you fucking dare come trying to talk to me or else I’ll kick you the fuck out, I promise you Brock!”

He couldn’t believe it, any of it. He wasn’t sure if Brock would even listen and he was just so upset he wasn’t sure he would be able to deal with him once more before the morning. Jack turned for the bathroom and locked himself in, dropping down against the covered toilet seat to bury his face in his hands. The whole situation was complete bullshit.

*****

In the morning Brock woke up with a very vague idea of where he was and what had happened, recognizing Jack’s sitting area before words were sinking in from what he admitted last night, _barely_ , and his jaw was throbbing because Jack punched him in the face for it. He was ready to talk it out, apologize, whatever his best friend wanted because he just wanted everything normal again and for Jack not to think he regret his decision to tell him.

They would work something out, he wasn’t sure he wanted a relationship, he didn’t understand a lot of his feelings when he clearly didn’t get being entirely in love to one person of the same sex but not notice any other male. Though females barely did anything much for him anyway, they were there, warm and inviting, something to have for a night..maybe two but he didn’t feel anything much. Sometimes he felt like they could openly flirt and be friends without the worry of wanting more like it was with Svetlana but generally he didn’t give a flying fuck if they left or not because he was going to leave anyway. He was going to leave because he had Jack and it took him a long time to realize Jack was his home. It took him less time to take that bit of information and hide it deep deep down and never think about it again.

But he fucked up because he did try to hide it because neither of them needed the mess and then Jack went all I love you on him and everything went to shit again but he was ready, maybe he was terrible at voicing himself but he wanted to clear this up, sort out where they stood because he refused to be apart from Jack any longer than necessary.

Gathering up his courage, he sat up warily, hangover lurking over him and he turned to look over the back of the couch to check if Jack was still asleep only to find his bed made and no sign of him. He looked towards the door and noticed his runners gone and his light grey hoodie taken from a row of coat hooks.

There was a paper on the coffee table with a bottle of pills and some water. He bypassed both for the note and looked at it, handwriting tight and small the way Jack wrote when he was upset. 

_Don’t be there by the time I come back._

His stomach dropped.

*****

Jack ran, he ran for miles and miles. Stonefaced with loud music blaring through his earbuds, hood pulled over his head while the rain and sleet beat down on his body. He crossed through every puddle without a care as Brock’s words rolled around in his head over and over again fueling him to just keep going.

He just couldn’t believe him and the sad part of it for him was that he _understood_ Brock’s point of view. It made sense but it still made him angry and furious for not telling him so they could have worked something out. They trusted each other so he should have come to him. Brock never gave him a chance and when he was finally ready or at a point to admit it, Brock may have been ready to let him keep thinking it was one-sided. 

Stepping off a curb and onto a crosswalk a car slammed their breaks seconds from hitting Jack as he stumbled backwards in surprise, startled back into reality, he caught the driver’s hand pressed on the horn but he barely registered the noise over the music in his ears. He shook his head apologetically, holding his hand up to weakly wave and retreated back onto the sidewalk, the momentum beginning to seep away from his body and the cold taking its place, dark blackish clouds sat overhead and there was a crack of light in the sky warning him to get somewhere warm. 

Panting heavily, he pulled out his phone and ignored all the missed messages and calls, taking another look upwards and checking the weather report again until he was opening one text in specific and hailing a cab to get where he wanted to be as fast as possible.

*****

Steve opened the door with a look of surprise across his face that Jack couldn’t blame. The blond stepped away and gesturing for him to come in, grabbing Nanook’s collar to keep the dog from trying to get into Rollins’ face before he made it completely inside.

“Sorry, I know I shouldn’t have dropped in like this without saying anything.”

Steve forced a polite smile despite obviously being thrown off by the unannounced visit as he shook his head, still bewildered and confused. Jack watched him turn into the hallway once he got Nanook to sit still, coming back with a towel and he took it gratefully, muttering a thanks, head tilting towards the sound of the shower running as he wiped his face dry and pulled off his soaked hoodie.

“Yeah he’s in the shower. Should be out soon.” Rubbing his arm, Steve addressed his wet clothing, “You..would you like me to find you something to wear? All that stuff looks drenched and considering it’s been raining snow and ice all morning, you’re probably feeling a little bit miserable right now. I know I have some sweats that may be a little short around the ankles but otherwise warm.”

“Sorry about this,” Jack repeated, pulling things out of his pockets to set them on the table behind him, “I didn’t know where else I could go and I wanted to sit with Buck. He mentioned he was going to be here so I took a chance.”

Steve smiled, more sympathetic as a hand rubbed at the back of his neck, “I heard..about the Brock thing..”

Jack waved his hand at him to stop, “It got _worse_. He got drunk and showed up at my place but, I don’t really feel like repeating it over and over so maybe I could wait for Buck?”

Snapping to it, Steve nodded in agreement as Jack reached over to finally pet Nanook on the head. 

“Let me get you some clothes, follow me.”

Jack followed, feeling a little uncomfortable for stepping into his private bedroom especially since Bucky slept there as well and felt like it was their private space despite them only sleeping there as far as he knew. Both side tables had items on each; a novel sat next to an open sketch book with a pencil resting against a drawing and some glasses at one with a half drunk bottle of water. The other had a lamp on it with some candy wrappers on top of a worn and yellowing paperback, beside that sat a coffee mug and a portable video game console with small tiny little cartridges piled in a crooked stack. A small smile tugged at Jack’s lips, it was homely and warm there, a place where Steve had a spot and a place where Bucky did too. He felt an odd happiness in that, Steve turning around with a neat pile of clothing.

“There’s sweats in there that I mentioned, a sweater, a t-shirt, some socks, um I don’t know..”

Jack smiled a little wider as he took the clothing, “My boxers are surprisingly dry so I’m good, thank you.”

Nodding and looking relieved, Steve smiled back in return, “Great then, let me leave you to it. I’ll let Bucky know you’re here. Would you like something to drink? Eat?”

Jack looked up from the clothes pile, “A coffee would be great. Black.”

Brightening, the blond nodded, “On it.” 

Watching Steve close the door after he shuffled Nanook out with him, Jack listened to the knock at the bathroom in the hallway, soft conversation going on as he quickly threw off all his wet clothes and pulled on all the dry ones he was offered feeling ten times better just from that effort alone. Gathering everything up in a ball, he let himself out, not wanting to linger in their space longer than needed, Steve raising his head from the fridge and pointing out the plastic shopping bag.

“We have a shared laundry room on the main floor but there’s also that bag if you don’t want to do that.”

“Thanks,” Jack let out as he approached the table and stuffed his clothing inside, “I don’t want to stick around too long uninvited..I just- ”

Steve made a small tsk noise with his tongue, the coffee topping up in a mug and he waited a few seconds before he picked it up and placed it next to Jack’s hand, “I didn’t mean to look surprised, I just was..with all that was happening with me and Brock, but you’re Bucky’s family and he’s yours. Family’s important.” Rubbing the back of his neck again sheepishly, Steve smiled, “You’re always welcome here.”

Staring at him a long moment, Jack nodded appreciatively as he took the coffee to take a sip, “Thanks Steve.”

Before he could respond, the door opened to the bathroom and Bucky made a light noise of a whine as he solely focused on quickly walking towards Jack with his arms stretched out, dressed in his pajamas as he threw his arms around his friend and cuddled up close. 

“Pacha.”

Putting the mug down, Rollins could only wrap his arms around Bucky and press him to his body as tightly as he could not ever wanting to let him go as he tucked his nose into freshly washed hair and rubbed his face against it. “He showed up at my apartment drunk late last night.”

Bucky drew back to look at him, “He did what?”

Giving him a depreciative smile, he glanced at Steve standing next to them with his arms folded over his chest listening closely and Jack shook his head to himself at the memory of Brock’s unveil. 

Steve thumbed the sitting area, “You should sit down.”

Bucky picked up the coffee mug and led him to the couch, Jack spilling out every detail the moment he was seated.

*****

After Jack left, Bucky closed the door and leaned against it, dropping his head back, “I’m going to murder Brock.”

Steve chuckled, cleaning up the mugs and dessert plates that used to hold servings of cake, “Come on. They’re both a little guilty of not speaking out, they’ll figure it out.”

Suddenly the question lingering in Bucky’s own mind came back to him. The thing between Jack and Brock really pushing him to ask and figure out if the kiss or what he thought was a kiss had been Steve’s actual intention or not. Carefully he approached Steve in the kitchen, tips of his fingers dragging along the counter as he slowed his steps and his hip rested against the cabinets just stopping with an arms length of space between them. “Steve?”

Hands full of suds, the blond looked over with a smile, “Yeah?”

Swallowing, Bucky pouted and pressed his lips together contemplating if it was the right thing to ask or not but he knew if he didn’t it was going to bother him over and over again. With what Natasha was saying, Brock’s actions at the club and what Pepper had kept trying to work with him on, plus Steve’s comment about talking things out, he really wanted to get a straight answer. “Did you try to kiss me?”

Steve froze, “What?”

Fretting over it just because of his friend’s stiffening shoulders, Bucky hesitated, his mind trying to supply a way of getting out of it but he couldn’t think of anything right then. He bit his lip anxiously, pushing forward, “The other day, at my house.” 

Steve was now very aware of his own movements, most of which suddenly stopped as he lifted his head and shook it, “No, I just- No.”

Bucky felt so disappointed, his chest hurting and tears were coming quickly out of nowhere, he had to get out of the kitchen before Steve saw them, “Oh, okay.”

“Okay.”

He turned around and pressed his lips together, almost bumping into Nanook who was already anxiously getting into his space and trying to crowd him. 

“Buck- ”

Bucky’s feet began to move faster to get away, brain mapping out the front door but he _promised_. He rerouted himself to go into the bedroom and he heard the tap turn off in the kitchen.

“Buck.”

“Please leave me alone!” He managed to force out, voice too high but he couldn’t deal with that slip right then closing himself up in Steve’s bedroom and dropping down against the door. 

Hot tears rolled down against his cheeks and he was so frustrated at himself, Nanook trying to lick his face and climb entirely into his lap like a cat, crying to his obvious distress and all Bucky could do was hold him tight and hide his face away in fur. He was so mad at falling to pieces over something so stupid, he was mad at thinking Steve wanted to, he was mad at things he shouldn't be and along with that he felt so stupid as well.

Steve didn’t follow him into the bedroom, he only stared at the door glaring back at him, the cast of light under it showed him Bucky was there in the way and Nanook’s sharp whistle-pitched whining only told him bad things. He didn’t want to push anything but through lying he ended up hurting. He couldn’t do anything right and he didn’t know what step to take next. 

So instead of prying to get the door open and be let in, he left for the living room and came back with his sketch book and a pencil, parking himself down before the door. He made enough noise to indicate where he was and leaned against the wall with his feet pressing against the opposite side of it. Maybe Bucky wanted to be left alone now but he knew him enough to know he would want attention later, he only hoped he understood he wasn’t trying to pressure him into anything.

*****

The cab pulled up into the driveway with a black Impala covered in a layer of snow and night looking darker than it should. Jack’s eyes trailed up to the front window upstairs where the living room sat and Brock was there staring back at him. He felt a heaviness in his stomach, butterflies and nervousness churning together in a slow sickness that made him not want to go in.

He finally moved when Brock did, catching him backing away from the window and turning for probably the stairs as Jack pulled his wallet out to pay the driver. He collected his bag of clothes, feeling a little exposed to the stifling cold air getting out of the back in sweats that clipped a little above his ankles and a t-shirt that felt a little too tight. At least the cardigan was oversized, wrapping it tight around himself as he hastily made his way across the eight or so inches of snow that didn’t seem to stop more from coming down while dread took over the second the front door opened and Brock was holding it open for him.

Jack literally stopped himself from stepping in and Brock huffed at him, eyes carefully running over his awkward attire as he stepped aside, “You look like an old man.”

“They’re..Rogers clothes.”

The door closed and locked up, Brock not saying anything as he shrugged and walked back up the stairs. Jack followed after him after placing his wet shoes by a heating vent and tossing Steve’s soaked through socks into the wash with his bag of wet clothes. Upstairs a towel was tossed his way and Brock was in the kitchen shuffling about right after leaving Jack to get the bits of melting snow out of his hair and trail away awkwardly into the guest bedroom. 

He gathered up some of his own clothes out of one of the drawers and locked himself in the hallway bathroom, stripping off and piling it all together on the sink counter before setting the water to almost scalding and getting in under the heavy spray. His hand pressed against the tile before him, head ducked down as he stared at the swirling water around the drain and had no idea what he was doing here. He could have easily avoided everything, bolted his door so Brock couldn’t let himself in if he tried to, took a shower at his own place and laid out in his own bed. His head wasn’t sure if he was really angry or just _unhappy_ because he knew a part of him was a lot of the latter, probably why he showed up for Brock when he left his last voicemail and begged him to come over. It was stupid how much sway Brock had on him and how easily Jack would answer to it. It was also frustrating.

The television was playing too loud when he finally got out, Brock in the living room while Jack threw the last bit of clothes into the wash for the morning. It was early evening but he was already set to go to bed except it seemed Brock anticipated it, finding him sitting at the end of the guest bed when Rollins reached the bedroom.

“We need to talk.”

Leaning against the frame, Jack shook his head, “No we don’t.”

Frowning, Brock balled his hands into fists as they sat on his thighs, “Why’re ya bein’ so fuckin’ difficult?”

“I’m not, I’m making it easy for you so you can back out of whatever you said without needing to ever mention it again. That’s what you want, isn’t it?”

“No!” Rumlow snapped out, pulling himself up to approach him, “Can’t let a man change his damn mind can ya? I’m _sorry_ for hurtin’ ya Jackie, for hidin’ everythin’ but I ain’t like you. Besides Buck, Nat and Clint I ain’t got no one else and you, you’re my _everythin’_. Get that through your thick fuckin’ skull for one damn minute!”

Narrowing his eyes as he shook his head at him, Jack brought his hands out in a shrug, “Why do you think I told you? There’s no one else I want to be with Brock! I fuckin’ _love you_ you stupid asshole!”

Brock stared up at him, shoulders lowering a fraction as he closed his mouth, “Shit Jack, this is a..somethin’..”

Jack sighed, nodding to him as he moved past his friend, pulling at the blanket to untuck it from under the pillows and open a space for him to get in. He glanced over when he felt a hand on his shoulder, light and tentative before it slipped along into his hair and he turned to Brock carefully staring at him. 

“We don’t have to do anything about it. I don’t expect anything from you Brock. I just wanted you to know.”

Swallowing thickly, Brock’s fingers pet bits of damp hair, “I never let m’self think about it, _ever_. It wasn’t allowed for me, I didn’t want to think it could..”

Because _of course_ Brock didn’t, Jack thought in dismay. He was disciplined in his fitness but never on his emotions except when it came to wanting to be with him, then it was all business again. 

“Come here,” He reached out to pull Rumlow against his chest, sighing when he was met with slight resistance, “Come on jerkoff, it’s just a fucking hug.”

“Fuck you.” Brock bit back, relaxing against him as arms circled around his middle and his face hid away into his shoulder.

They stayed like that and Jack wanted everything like this, drawing in the ingrained familiar scent of Brock’s shampoo and the way his soap smelled, sharp when it was fresh but comforting and smooth when it wasn’t. He brushed his palms softly along Brock’s back before forcing himself to still them. 

Slowly in their lull Brock pulled back staring at him carefully, “Will you..um..” He shrugged and his face flushed.

Jack smiled at him, patient and _so in love_ with this stupid guy, staring at how oddly shy Brock looked. “You gonna lay down with me Rums?”

Apprehensively nodding to him, Brock turned to the other unturned side and pulled the covers back to get in as Jack swallowed nervously feeling like this was the first time they ever did this when it definitely was not. 

He followed after him once he got the wall light and lit the room up with the small lamp on the side table, “You know it’s barely dinner time, right?”

“So?” Brock snapped back, laid out on his side watching him. “I wanna be ‘ere.”

Jack pressed his lips together, mimicking his friend’s actions and staring at him, “So what is this?”

“I just wanna lay here, ain’t against the law is it?” Brock stared at him and made a face when Jack glared, “You gotta go easy on me Jackie, this ain’t..this is _new_. This is so much of somethin’ I never saw, I made myself believe this would never happen and we would be okay.”

“Yeah, I know the feeling.” Thinking about it carefully, Jack leaned forward and pressed a kiss against Brock’s forehead.

Fingers curled into his hair and Brock kept him in place, shifting closer even with his posture wary and still, “Stay like that Jackie..”

Jack nodded against him and maybe anyone else would have misunderstood but he understood how different it was when it meant something else all of a sudden, things that used to be so easy to do now meant something _deeper_ and Rollins patiently let Brock adjust to it however he pleased.

“This is fuckin’ weird.” Brock muttered out, fingers tightening around strands of hair, “I feel like a damn idiot. Feelin’ like I can’t- ”

Drawing back, Jack shook his head, “It’s going to be weird, you wanna be weird with me or what?”

“Baby steps Casanova, we ain’t even kissed yet.”

Jack shrugged, “I don’t care if you don’t ever kiss me, I just want you.”

A little amazed and maybe surprised, Brock stared at him in awe, “Sounds like you figured this all out huh?”

“For myself yeah. If you don’t want me, that’s fine but I need you to tell me because I don’t think I can just sit and wonder, you know? I’m not going to force you into anything Brock, if this isn’t for you then- ”

Brock’s eyes narrowed, face glowing a soft red and puffing a little like it did whenever someone told him he couldn’t do something or if they misunderstood him. It was the face he made when he was about to yell and turn blue or snap at someone giving them the sharp end of his tongue. Right now though he only grabbed at Jack’s face, hand at his jaw and pushing his mouth against his to shut him up. 

It only took Jack by surprise, freezing up for a few seconds and it was enough to feel Brock shifting as he second guessed himself and tried to backpedal, his fingers loosening its grip in his hair attempting to move away. Jack chased those lips instead, falling into instinct and want. Maybe it wasn’t laid out the way he fantasized it would go, or how but it was better than any kiss a date or girlfriend had given him or even with that guy at the party. It didn’t matter if it was off target a little, or awkward, because it was Brock and that was all that was important. His fingers wrapped around the top pair of buttons on Brock’s shirt to pull and tug and feel lips return slow and cautious against his. 

He breathed in through his nose, angling his mouth for more so he could deepen it and they both fumbled a little, him more so but Brock was going in so blind it was a mutual mess of inexperience even though he didn’t need to coax his best friend much to get his mouth to open and Jack’s tongue to lick in. He moved slow, fingers of Brock’s hand gripping at his bicep as if he was warring with himself to shove him away or not, kissing him careful like he was trying to share this at a pace he could understand and because there was nowhere they would be going except towards each other. 

It was when Jack stopped, pulling back and could see the cogwheels in Brock’s head turning from content pleasure, that made him a little more fluttery in his stomach, Brock’s features shifting to sudden confusion and maybe a pang of loss.

“Jack- ”

Shaking his head, he placed a small chaste kiss to those lips again, “You proved your dumb point, I got it but we’re not going from zero to hot and heavy. I want you to figure it out, I want you to like stuff with me. I don’t want you saying fuck it and throw caution to the wind then wake up in the morning regretting it, I don’t wanna be a mistake. You said you never got the chance to think about this stuff? Well think about it, I’ll be here and waiting.”

Brock stared at him, features going from annoyed to awe to utter confusion, “Is it normal to feel all confused like I wanna take my clothes off but also that that’s kinda fucked up and I wanna just fuckin’ sleep too? And no offense but kissing you is nice but you ain’t no lady, my face hurts a little..I mean was nice but..”

Snorting, Jack nodded as he made Brock roll over so his back was to him, spooning against him and cuddling close, “Yeah it’s normal and my first kiss with a guy was the same feeling, it was _different_.”

“I still wanted you to kiss me though, in the back of my mind I kept thinkin’ about it.”

“Shoulda done what you wanted to do, like you just did now.”

“I didn’t know if I could.” 

“Welcome to my world.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” He turned to get the lamp, the window curtains open and they both stared at the thick flakes of snow falling past as they comfortably draped themselves in darkness, “Just for you.”

Brock was quiet a long moment as Jack laid there listening to his breathing, it was still normal and calm, not entirely sure what was going through his friend’s head.

“Jack?”

“Hm?”

Brock reached his hand out to rest against the one Jack had around him, “Tell me again.”

Rubbing his face into Brock’s hair, Rollins yawned lightly, “Tell you what?”

“You _know_ what.”

Jack stared off in thought, glancing at the back of Brock’s head, “You’re so high maintenance, you know that?” He chuckled when an elbow hit his body, “I love you Brock, I really do.”

“So this means you wanna be my stupid boyfriend?”

He could hear sleep trying to take over Brock, voice going low and a little distant. He pressed a kiss into his hair, “I wanna be your stupid everything.”

A small chuckle slipped out into the safe darkness, “Gay.”

Jack’s eyes were getting tired, feeling them close as he cuddled in, “Just for you sweetheart.”

“You’re a sap Rawls. I don’t know if I’m ready to be boyfriends, I know how I’m feelin’ but all this- ”

Smiling against the back of Brock’s skull, he hugged him tighter to his chest, “We don’t have to be anything, besides gonna get sick of me quick.”

“Already sick of ya, what’s new?”

Making an ambiguous noise, Jack settled in to fall asleep, silence coming over them and sleep creeping in just seconds before he was letting himself drift when Brock grabbed at his wrist and gave it a little shake.

“Jackie?”

“Tryin’ to sleep here.”

“You think we can make a go of this? I mean if we get into a damn fuckin’ fight or somethin’..”

Lifting his head Jack looked at the side of Brock’s face, “And what? We’ll murder each other? Because that’s about the only thing we haven’t done. Every time we leave to get air we’re back in each other’s space again. You know this, I know this, everyone else knows this. Stop stressing out and go to sleep.” 

There was a sound of annoyance in the darkness, “Always gotta be a dick.”

“What’s new?” Jack patted Brock’s middle, “Listen, we’re gonna take it easy. You’re going to figure out if it’s just a spur of the moment thing or if you really want- ”

Brock craned his head over his shoulder, “Whadda ya mean ‘spur of the moment’? You think I’m fakin’?”

“No, but I don’t want you to wake up one day and resent me. This is serious, I can’t just have fun with you and then go home alone, you know?”

“Yeah..”

“I mean that kiss was nice but you still need to be sure.”

“More sure of it than anythin’.” Brock mumbled out bitterly under his breath but nodded against Jack, “Sure.”

“Get some rest. We gotta pack tomorrow.”

"I just, I'm serious here Jackie. I can't lose you, I can't. Not after you gave me a heart attack and almost died before. I need ya."

Breathing slowly, Jack softly patted Brock's chest, "I told them to call you."

"Who?"

"Guys in my unit, I made them promise me. If something happened, to get a hold of you. Yeah you were in my emergency contacts but I was paranoid something would happen and you would never know anything. It scared me thinking you'd find out too late or somehow no one knew who to contact and none of you knew what happened to me. Just saying, I need you too..just as much Brock. You know I do."

Brock hummed lightly in agreement as he nestled in closer, hand resting against Jack’s and letting their fingers tangle together.

Jack waited a beat, listening as Brock’s breathing slowed and became heavier. He knew it was going to be hard and it was going to be awkward, but they were both pretty much in the same boat, Jack really didn’t have any real experience and Brock was clueless. At least both of them learning things would be something they would do together and no matter what, that made Jack feel all the better.

*****

The bedroom door opened an hour later and only widened when Nanook forced it open with his muzzle and greeted Steve as he tried to finish off his pencil work only to have the dog try to sit on his book.

“Hey, hey. Quit that.” He got a lick across his face and up his nose, a sound of disgust slipping out of him as he quickly gathered up his things and got to his feet trying to rub saliva off his face. “Gross.”

Nanook only tilted his head and practically smiled up at him turning to go back into the bedroom. He peeked in after the canine and found Bucky staring out the window. Not wanting to bother him, Steve slipped in and grabbed his duffel off the floor so he could get the packing for Natasha’s out of the way.

Stuffing a few things into his bag he timidly glanced back at Bucky, “Do you want your clothes packed in here or are you just going to use what’s at Nat’s?”

Bucky didn’t answer only watching the constant fall of snow, fingers tracing absently along the glass and looking despondent. It bothered Steve to see Bucky unhappy, it really bothered him to see Bucky unhappy because of him. It was never black and white for them and there was always a chance for things going wrong over and over again. He just didn’t want to be on this road just to mess it all up but he also didn’t want to make him unhappy especially when his mother was trying to cause her own issues.

“Buck?”

“Hm?”

“Do you want me to pack some clothes for you?”

“No.”

Steve watched him and he didn’t even look his way, “So you have whatever you need over at Nat’s, right?”

“Yes.”

Sighing in mild frustration, more to himself than anything because he felt convinced now that he just messed something up. He set the bag down and moved _slowly_ towards the brunette, pressing a hand out to Bucky’s arm lightly and feeling him startle.

“Hey, look at me.”

Blue grey eyes turned their gaze in his direction and Steve smiled gently, “I lied to you Buck.”

Posture shifted, Bucky’s shoulders straightening a little, stiffening defensively despite his face looking more open and curious, “Lied to me about what?”

Steve found his hand sliding along Bucky’s arm, skin a little cool by the glass and he unconsciously worked to warm it up again. “I was trying to kiss you that other day.”

Realization slowly melted across Bucky’s face, smoothing out and pinking his cheeks. He wet his lips carefully, mouth drawing into a frown, nose scrunching up slightly, “Why?”

Steve smiled at him, “Because I wanted to.”

Eyes tried to search him carefully, gaze running along his features and Steve patiently stood there. Bucky opened his mouth like he had another question, held tilting in thought, but then he seemed to change his mind as he shook his head from the idea.

“I don’t understand.” 

Because Steve grasped what Bucky meant now. Maybe before he wouldn’t have but at this moment in time he understood why he didn’t comprehend this as easily as he would with anyone else, confused like he was being tricked or like it was all a set up. Stepping close, Steve’s hands swept in to hold Bucky’s face, smiling patiently as he moved his head up and pressed a kiss against Bucky’s temple, pulling him into a hug, “Maybe there isn’t anything _to_ understand.” 

Bucky’s hands were tentative and slow, sliding across shoulders and then around Steve’s back feeling them grab at fabric and clench tight to it. He was worried Bucky would spook to the truth, or react somehow badly but he seemed to only need to be held and Steve would always be there for that.

“I don’t wanna scare you Buck.”

He drew back, the both of them staring at each other quiet and curious when Bucky’s phone went off. Apologetically he smiled as he dug for it, holding it up to Natasha’s face smiling at him, “I need to talk to her about tomorrow.”

Steve nodded, reaching two fingers up to brush bangs to the side away from Bucky’s eyes, “I’m gonna finish packing a few more things, you two talk. Tell her I said hi.”

He watched and waited as Bucky answered the call, back turning to him after nodding and heading for the living room, shoulders bunched and thoughtful as one arm folded over his chest turning all his attention on Nat, “I am going to strangle the Italian out of Brock, so help me God.”

Smirking to himself, Steve watched Bucky nod his head in silence disappearing out of his line of sight. There was a sound of his weight dropping on the couch along with the jingle of small doggy tags, Bucky making a noise of affirmation, “So what are you missing and what have you got? The snow’s coming down pretty thick already.”

Chuckling, Steve picked up a pair of sweats folding them in half and then into a neat square. He could wait to talk to him, for Bucky he was willing to wait forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ohhh, is it gonna happen? IS IT??? :O Stay tuned! <3


	35. Us together is a whole lot better than us apart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve's words finally sink in with Bucky and puts him in a place where he has to make a decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's art at the bottom of this but it's better to just read the whole chapter then see it. :)
> 
> [Chapter 35.pic/gif](http://kalika999.tumblr.com/post/168490759055/hunger-of-the-pine-chapter-35-steves-words)

**Late February, 2016**  
  


Steve was already in bed looking through all the active weather warnings to plan their route accordingly when footsteps approaching the bedroom stopped at the doorway and he glanced up, his black frames slipping down to the end of his nose staring at Bucky who was in some frozen moment of realization, “Buck?”

“I just realized what you said to me. Like, it _just_ sunk in and you have to take it back.”

“I have to what?” Face screwing up in confusion, Steve raised a brow. “Why the hell would I do that?”

“You meant it?”

“Of course I did. Why would I have admitted it if I didn’t?” Steve glanced around as if he was waiting for someone to pop out and point a finger at him like he fell for some ultimate joke except nothing happened.

Bucky slowly pressed his hands to his cheeks looking overwhelmed and confused. That was exactly the reason why he lied in the first place, because he knew how Bucky felt and he could deal with it and try to negate it or feed it as best as he could without trying to harm. Sure he was horrible at it sometimes but it was reasonable to be that way. But Bucky knowing _he_ had feelings, well that was something else and now all his doubts were trying to shut it down.

“Bucky stop overthinking this. Just leave it alone and come here.”

Of course with that Bucky only seemed to look like he was further malfunctioning over the matter, “ _Steve_.”

Shaking his head to Bucky’s plea, he stretched his hand out and gestured for him to come over, doing it again when Bucky hesitated and finally entered the bedroom looking stressed and worried and Steve was sure he was feeling inadequate to the simple idea of Steve wanting to kiss him. They could talk about this later, they didn’t have to talk about it at all, they needed to go at Bucky’s pace and he wanted to make sure Bucky got that. 

He pulled the brunette into his arms after putting his book and phone away, helping Bucky slip in under the covers, “Come on, we’re going to bed. The snowstorm is picking up by the sound of that wind howling out there and we have to figure out how to get to Natasha’s in the morning if it’s really bad. There’s obviously no way I was taking my bike out a couple days ago and there’s no way I’m doing it tomorrow. We may not even be able to get out over there if the cabs aren’t running around and that’s if they haven’t put up a travel ban on us.”

Turning to face him, Bucky opened his mouth, clearly wanting to object but Steve cupped his face, shaking his head, “Later. This is a lot I know. Right now we need to get some sleep.”

Bucky’s brows came together, unhappy over the decision because it wouldn’t give him a chance to panic, dropping down against his side allowing Steve to pull him close and everything seemed to ease in him. His heartbeat had been picking up but now he was warm and held, fingers finding themselves in his hair and it settled him, exhaling quietly as his eyes closed and he breathed in deeply.

“That’s it, relax.” 

“Steve we have to talk about this..”

Nodding in agreement, Steve smiled, “And we will I promise, _when_ you get some rest and time to think about it without throwing yourself into a panic. This isn’t changing us, I want you to understand that everything is the same but I wanted you to know that I did try because I wanted to. I’d try again too, if that was okay with you and maybe one day we can.”

Features shifted and Steve could see he was merely seconds away from crying and doing something closely related to that. It was why he wanted to pull Bucky out of his head because even if it was what they both wanted Bucky’s baggage was going to cripple him for wanting something so badly.

*****

Steve awoke in the morning feeling blinded before he could even open his eyes, back to the window though the position still failed to block the reflection of light completely. He carefully squinted, hair half pressed against his jaw and Bucky’s face tucked deeply into the space between the pillow and Steve’s neck, arms wrapped right around his chest and legs locked around one of his own thighs.

Something settled in him, Steve feeling himself relax and draw in a slow breath of air. His fingers moved, finding themselves already tucked under t-shirt fabric and memorizing the line of Bucky’s spine under them, smoothing along warm skin. Stirring against him at the initial graze of fingertips, Bucky delved deeper into the snug space his face hid away in as a drawn out sleepy hum escaped from his throat. Steve’s lips twitched up, one of his many favorite sounds when it came to Bucky, clearly translating to him being happy again. It meant so many things but mainly that he was pleased and wanted more of anything Steve was offering and all he wanted was to give it to him whenever he asked.

Eventually they pulled themselves out of bed, alarm going off on Steve’s phone and finding the floors cold and nothing that was powered actually standing by. He headed for the kitchen and rummaged through the odd and ends drawer for a flashlight, returning to toss it beside Bucky as he slowly tried to wake himself up, “Power’s out, you’ll have to use the flashlight for the bathroom.”

Bucky whined loud enough for Steve to freeze at the door and for Nanook to howl loudly beside him in empathy to whatever worry Bucky had against the power outage.

“What’s wrong?”

Rubbing his eye, Bucky seemed like he was cross with himself, “I hate dark bathrooms..” 

Steve shrugged as he gave him a smile, heading out towards the living room, “Pee with the door open.” 

“Gross.”

Chuckling to himself, Steve only went on with gathering their things together and relying on hopes that the milk hadn’t spoiled while they were sleeping before deciding what to change into. 

He carefully kept his eye on Bucky’s mannerisms now that he had a little time to sleep and process the real truth of what he was told. He’d have an easier time to manage it with people distracting him out of his head but right now Steve just wanted to make sure he was alright, that he was okay with things and that it didn’t mean something had to change until he was ready if he wanted to change them. 

For the most part he seemed to be alright once he figured out dealing with bathroom mirrors in the dark, mostly hanging out in the hallway to brush his teeth and sandwiching Nanook between his place of conflict. Steve didn’t have to ask really but he had an idea that too many urban legends and scary stories were stored in that head of his that made it something he disliked, maybe a horror movie or two as well.

Mostly Bucky was just more quiet than usual once he got to the kitchen and the excitement he knew he would usually hold when they were all getting together was muted. Nanook followed him everywhere, not quite signaling anything amiss but the dog knew something was _off_ about him, ignoring Steve’s invasion of his space where all his toys were and barely batting an eye to go investigate why some of his favorites were placed in a bag with some treats. Not even his leash triggered anything, opting to press close to his owner while the brunette placed perishables into a cardboard box to take with them to share instead of letting them spoil. 

It was at the door once Steve was sure that all the windows were secure and nothing was left on for when the power came back and he was fighting his coat that Bucky was in his space again. Hand softly resting at one side of his wool coat, grasping it gently as his other helped in getting it on, the arm of the peacoat twisted and inside out. Once fixed, they only stared at one another as fingers carefully buttoned him up and a small trace of an embarrassed smile graced Steve’s lips.

“Not sure I’d ever have my head on straight if you weren’t around.”

Color rose across Bucky’s cheeks, finally looking away as one arm dropped and he patted Steve’s chest reassuringly. Steve kept that hand to his chest before Bucky could take it away as well, drawing him in and cupping his jaw. He took a breath and leaned in to kiss Bucky’s cheek, nuzzling his cheekbone when he felt him only press closer against him, hand pressed to Steve’s as his eyes closed and long lashes showed themselves off.

“You would do just fine without me here.” Bucky breathed out, merely whispering words as his fingers encircled Steve’s wrist and slid under the sleeve of his coat to give it a squeeze.

Somehow he doubted that.

They went to check on Mrs. Alvarez while there were a few minutes before the cab arrived, Bucky keeping Nanook on his harness whenever they took a cab together, Steve’s gym bag slung on his shoulder. She opened the door for them only to find her bundled up with an overnight bag sitting near her feet.

“Going somewhere in this weather?”

She peered up at Steve, “Steven, oh and Jamie. Nice to see you both together. Javier is coming to take me to his home, are you both warm?” 

Bucky gave her a wave as she reached her hand out and Nanook tentatively smelled her fingers then licked them.

Grinning back at her, Steve nodded, the box of food under his arm, “Very warm in here, hopefully we’ll be okay out there. We just stopped by and wanted to check to see if you were doing okay.” 

She smiled and nodded, “Yes, I’ll be fine. He will be here soon, no worry about me.”

Steve’s phone alerted him to a text from the cab and he waved it lightly, “Well that’s good, better to get out of here and somewhere warmer while the storm is passing through. We should get going, you better be bundled up more than that when he gets here young lady!” 

She laughed gently and Bucky grinned, coming in to give her a hug, “We’ll see you in a few days?”

Patting his cheek gently after drawing back she nodded, “Be safe.” 

Glancing back at Steve, Bucky nodded, “Think I’m in good hands to be.”

Clasping her hands together afterwards, she nodded sagely, her eyes watching Steve, “Oh, I know that too.”

*****

They both practically ran to the barely made out shape of the front stoop steps to the brownstone, the area covered with a thick layer of snow that was trying to reach past their shins and still going. Nanook immediately realized where they were and eagerly paved his way up to the door, smashing through walls of thick white powder to do it while his tail wagged along happily. Jack opened it and the dog peered up at him before using a bit of courtesy to wait for Bucky and shake his coat halfway outside a bit before he greeted Lucky as he approached and moved on into the living room towards Natasha.

Bucky’s brows went up as he tried to unwind his scarf while balancing on one foot attempting to get his foot free from his snow boot seeing what Nat had in her hands, “Is that chocolate cake? I want cake!”

Nanook booped his nose to her stomach and ran off in eagerness, returning to greet Jack as he was watching him while Bucky wiggled out of his coat and pressed the box of food into his friend’s hands. “See? My dog is the smartest, he came to say hello to the baby first and I still want cake.”

Natasha pointed a chocolate coated fork towards the kitchen counter, “Sam managed to bake it before he got here, I might have begged him for it.”

Sam popped his head out of the small half bathroom as he was toweling his hands, “Begged is an understatement.”

Giving him an apologetic look Natasha took another forkful, “I’m sorry about that, I just felt like having the one you made a month ago and I couldn’t take no for an answer. I’m not used to these _urges_ I’m suddenly feeling around food, I guess I’m standing in Clint’s shoes right now. I wanted to eat an entire pizza two nights ago and I have no idea what came over me. James, use the paper plates and other dishes, same goes for you Steve. It’ll just be one less worry if the power goes out again.”

“Sure. Ours is already out, when did yours come back?”

“It was only out for a couple hours but I doubt that’ll last too long. Same thing happened last time.” 

“Hey,” Sam let out with a chuckle gesturing back to the cake with a hand as he glanced over at Steve hanging their coats and scarves up. He gave him a wave when he was able to look over. “If it makes you happy then I’m happy to help Nat.”

“And I’m happy too,” Bucky interrupted, cutting out a slice that was easily a quarter of the cake. The sheer weight of it caused the styrofoam to hit the counter it was hovering slightly over with a dull thud, “Thanks Sam.”

He took his plate and meandered over to Natasha to give her a kiss on the head, balancing his plate and fork in one hand while dogs were trying to maul him and his hand wanted to pet a cat trying to invade Nat’s space.

“Are you warm?” He tried his best at being casual, leaning against the back of the couch to take a forkful of sinfully delicious cake. 

She saw right through him, gesturing to her blanket covered legs and the thin turtleneck ensemble that went with the thick hoodie that was two sizes too big swallowing her whole. Her feet were covered in thick wool socks and Clint’s bunny slippers as she gave him a raise of her brow, “I’m completely fine. I would feel better if you all stopped asking me if I was warm enough, or okay, or fretting over me. Save it for when I become a big balloon and can’t see my feet, okay?”

There was a low chorus of ‘yes Natasha’ that rang in the air despite Bucky’s observations that no one seemed to really be set on listening to her request, Steve trying to hide a smile as he walked past the sitting area and into the kitchen.

Brock stomped up the stairs from the basement bundled up in a winter coat and a toque, his gloves tucked under one armpit while he blew on his hands. “I got all the wood we scavenged yesterday stored up by the basement door so all we gotta do is haul it up. Hopefully it ain’t gonna be too bad, barely any snow got onto it so it’s doubtful.”

Sam passed him a freshly poured cup of coffee and Brock grinned in appreciation, “Great, so we can get this baby started, right?”

“Yeah just gotta light it.” Jack informed him, clearing the entrance hall to keep it uncluttered and Bucky practically inhaled his cake, pointing a finger silently at him.

“Don’t you dare go anywhere, I need to talk to you!”

Rollins squinted at the plate, “If you don’t choke first.”

Steve carried the box of various food items into the kitchen to sort them out beside Sam who was doing something similar with the fridge still working, arms full of vegetables and a portion of cheese.

“How’s it look in the kitchen?”

Raising his head, Sam brought the pile back to the counter, “Not bad. Everyone’s reporting maybe a day, maybe two. I know they said travel bans might be going up around five so Clint’s gone to get some last minute supplies like butane from a wilderness store or something he was saying. I’m not sure. Either way we have a working stove with power and without, plus propane so that’s covered for hot meals. I think for dinner I’ll make some kind of everything but the kitchen sink sort of pasta, some salad..we should be good. Main thing is moving garbage bags of frozen food outside if we have to but there’s enough help that it shouldn’t be a huge issue.”

Steve patted Sam’s shoulder, “I think you got everything covered.” 

His friend elbowed him lightly, “Go make yourself useful and set up a tray of bagel bites, I’ve had more than one request for them and Clint should be back soon who’ll die if he doesn’t get any.” 

“James, could you get the blankets from the dryer? They should be done by now.”

Bucky nodded to Natasha before devouring the last bit of cake he had, tossing his garbage away as he looped an arm around Jack’s and herded him away from everyone dragging him downstairs while the dogs followed after them, “Okay spill. What’s been going on between you and Brock since last night?” 

Rolling his eyes, Jack followed along as they both worked together to gather and fold the warm blankets with the ones already finished so they could bring them up in one go.

“Nothing honestly. We talked, well Brock started it. I was kind of letting him do his thing, you know? But he wanted to talk about it and well, we’re going to take it slow and try to work something out. He..kissed me.” 

The conversation dropped there and Bucky stared at him expecting more with fingers pinched around blanket corners, “ _And_?”

“And well,” Jack shrugged, “I was shocked I guess. I’m still shocked..he just, he blows my mind with how I think I know what he’s going to do and he does something else. I mean maybe a tiny part of me was hoping but I’d never expect it and I just..”

Jack trailed off as he set aside one finished blanket to fold another and Bucky smiled, pleased and maybe a little smug over how Jack seemed so incredibly in awe over Brock making a move but mostly he felt elated for the both of them. Slow was good and Brock was trying something Bucky was honestly feeling like he may attempt to close down on and try to bury away forever if the idea was pitched to him, better that he made the move, it put him in control of things or at least make him believe he was. That and Jack was patient, eerily so, he already knew to let him do what he wanted. He really wasn’t going to do something to spook Brock, sure his friend loved Jack yeah, but losing Jack would have destroyed him and the possibility of throwing that back in Jack’s face was a high one right then, he knew the feeling too intimately to not see his reasoning behind it.

“And he wants it all?” Bucky asked, hopefulness laced in his voice as he bit down on his bottom lip.

Jack raised his head as he stared at him, a fond silly smile appearing as he tried to shake his head and get away from it. “Yeah, he wants to be all in and I told him a few times we have to take it easy. I just don’t want him to go into some abridged version of gay panic one day and resent me. I need him to be sure, I can’t just go off and on according to his mood on each passing day.”

Bucky nodded in agreement, “Good thinking. I’m happy for you two, I hope everything works out fine. I know you two aren’t going to break apart, it’s physically impossible but I just really hope for more so you two can be happy together like we’ve all been hoping for.” 

Putting the blanket down to rest a hand on Bucky’s shoulder, Jack gave him a heartfelt smile before pulling him into a crushing hug, “Thanks Buck. This is a lot but it means a lot too.”

Closing his eyes, Bucky hugged him just as tightly and it was nice until the light above them went out and any absent background noise of the television and whatever else ceased to work. Swallowing uneasily, Bucky was at least grateful for the daylight or else he would be clinging to Jack’s chest until he was escorted upstairs. Bathroom mirrors in the dark sucked but not as much as basements in the dark. No thank you.

Clint burst in through the door a little bit later, hardly recognizable in a black parka with the hood pulled tight over his head and drawn closed around his face with a scarf over his mouth. He was balancing some bags with two packs of bottled water haphazardly on one shoulder while his keys fell from glove covered fingers, a hale of thick snowflakes and a howling wind following after him and it practically shoved him out of the way while Lucky ran around him in excited circles. Snow tracked off his boots and onto the carpet runner, Natasha coming over to help him out of his gear while Steve took the waters.

“You know what’s annoying? Being happy the power’s back up and running off to get some last minute stuff only to get inside the supermarket and it goes out inside! It was like a zombie apocalypse movie. At least they had back up lighting set up but _man_ , people were scrambling to get stuff and get outta there like their life was depending on it. It’s just a little snow. Have you seen the Mist? I was totally thinking about that while trying to maneuver around people on the brink of paranoia.” He looked around before the door was closed and it was dark in the windowless hall, a flashlight illuminating when Sam walked over to help assist and Steve threw the curtains open wider for the front windows to get more light, “Out over here too it looks like.”

“Brr! It’s freezing out there!” Sam rubbed his shoulders, place the flashlight on the small side table and picking up the grocery bags to take them over to the kitchen. “Glad to see you made it back.”

Grinning Clint pulled Nat into his arms once he was free of his snow armor, giving her a grateful kiss, “Barely! But I had to come back to my castle and protect my lady from the invasion of snowflakes.”

Giving her head a shake, Natasha lightly hit his chest and held his hands to warm them up, pressing a small kiss on his lips in return, “We didn’t get your pizza bagels in on time but there’s still some cake.”

Sam beamed at them from the counter, grinning wide, “You kids, so cute.”

Brock snorted, sitting next to the fireplace checking the few flashlights they had all piled together, replacing new batteries in over old and setting them on the coffee table for easy reach. The blankets came upstairs and were dropped in front of a large inflated king size mattress leaning against the wall and ready for the night. Bucky moved into the kitchen to help Steve, Jack bringing out a bag of candles and readying matches for them when darkness decided to join them. 

Raising his head, the blond was already half done on the vegetables and chopping the rest up to have ready, “I think we’re good whenever we get to cooking. How about some games after we move the fridge stuff outside into coolers and stuff? Maybe Uno?”

Bucky immediately shook his head, “Do you _want_ Brock to murder you? He’ll take every attack on him from you as a personal vendetta, he acts like that with all of us when we play that game.”

Clint walked by inhaling a slice of cake, “Strip poker?” Jack gave him an annoyed look and he shrugged, “Fine, Monopoly then.” 

“Yeah! I haven’t played that in a long time, not since..” Sam thought back, “Since last year, right Steve?”

Nodding his head, Steve glanced over his shoulder, “Yeah and Tony was getting mad at being poor.”

“Right! I remember now.” 

They shared a laugh and Bucky turned to lean against the counter, “If we’re playing that, I wanna be the banker.” 

“Aw, you’re no fun.” Sam let out as he swatted the dishtowel at his thigh but nodded in agreement, “Games mean snacks so let’s get some and play a few before it starts getting dark. There’s other fun things we can do then and don’t get perv thoughts.” 

Night came in only a few hours later as the game slowly rounded out towards the finish line, Steve examining his cards while Natasha watched him steadily with a vicious smirk across her face surrounded by way too much money. Jack, Brock, Sam and Clint broke out a game of poker next to the fire as Bucky watched everyone on, holding the next two hundred he was ready to give away for passing GO.

“Okay okay Romanoff, I concede.” Steve held out his most valued properties towards her, “You win.”

“Finally!” Clint shouted with his arms flying up in the air, “You’re so stubborn, the only thing going for you was that, she was _destroying_ you. We all got out when the getting out was good.”

There were a murmur of agreement and Bucky laughed, reaching out to soothingly rub Steve’s bicep, “It’s okay Stevie, I hoped you _might_ have a chance, I was rooting for you.”

Smiling fondly, he reached over and softly pat Bucky’s hand taking a moment before he was helping in the clean up.

Collecting the houses and hotels to drop them back in the tray, Natasha smiled at Bucky, “And that’s why no one wants to take you to any dog or horse races James, you have no head for picking winners. You only choose the cutest one or bet on them all so in the end they have a meal for the night as if it may work that way.” 

“It might work that way, you don’t know.” He defended, picking up the property cards with a pout.

They laughed as Nat draped an arm around him and pulled Bucky in close giving him a squeeze whispering something soft and affectionate in his ear and he smiled shyly, curling in against her. Sam slapped his thighs after tossing his cards on the pile of poker chips and pulled himself up.

“I should start getting us a meal together, any volunteers on chicken cutting duty?” 

Glancing up with a nod, Bucky followed after him while things were being cleaned up in the living room. He watched as Sam began setting up two single element butane stoves on the counter before glancing out the window at the stark white washing over everything.

“You know, despite the long icicles hanging there in front of the kitchen window and the power shot to hell. We’re gonna have a warm tasty communal meal safe from all that mess. Right?”

“Right!” Bucky loudly proclaimed, finding the chicken still sitting cool in the refrigerator.

“See, this is why I like you. Always full of hope.”

Steve wandered into the kitchen a little while later when he could hear the chicken sizzling away and the scent of garlic filled the air bumping his elbow against Bucky’s who only elbowed him back in return with a tiny smile. Grinning back, he picked up a can of pasta sauce to read the back against the light of the halogen lanterns and candles, “Isn’t this sacrilege to Brock’s ancestors or something?”

Unable to conceal the mirth in his eyes, Bucky nudged his hip playfully into Steve’s side, “Shh, the less he hears about it the better. Jack’s on standby to ease haughty exclamations about how wrong it is to have pasta sauce in a jar just in case but yes, it’s very sacrilege to his ancestors. That and Nonna. It would make Nonna very upset we’re using jarred pasta sauce so shush, just don’t talk about it.” 

Smirking, Steve pretended to zip his lips closed and Bucky rested his head against his arm as he mixed around the chicken so it was cooking evenly and Steve felt a flutter in his heart, slipping his arm around Bucky’s waist to hug him close.

Two boxes of pasta hit the counter next to the bottles and Clint looked at them in obvious amusement, “Forgot these.”

Steve nodded, “Right, need that for pasta.”

“If you wanna help Steve, you could you know..fill that pot near you with water to boil the pasta Clint so kindly provided.”

Bucky couldn’t see the way Sam and Clint were giving each other exchanges of hilarity and Steve flashed them a look to quit it, shaking his head as he picked up the pot to take it over to the sink after shooing Sam from his path. 

Natasha pulled up her sleeves and directed her boyfriend towards the fridge, “We should probably set the butter out.”

She proceeded to bring a cutting board out on the kitchen table and a bread knife only to be flanked by Jack out of nowhere holding a loaf of crusty French bread in a brown wrapper with a knowing smirk. Without saying anything he took her place and began to cut it into slices. 

She pulled a face, placing the bread basket on the table, “You’re being ridiculous.” 

Bucky added the vegetables into the pan with the chicken, sauteing them for a couple minutes before nodding to Steve to add the sauce, the water slowly coming to a boil nearby. Sam set out paper plates and utensils and Brock retrieved the slow cooker sitting quietly in the corner wrapped in dish towels to keep it insulated and warm after the power went out, setting it down near the end of the kitchen table.

“What’s in there?” 

Jack turned to Steve, “Beef stew. Made it earlier in the morning just in case this would happen.”

“Plenty of food means full bellies.” Clint informed, patting his own stomach when it gurgled in agreement. 

“At least the salad is still cold.” Natasha commented, pulling out a plastic wrap covered dish and setting that on the table with some tongs. “There’s beers and juice in the fridge. The milk’s in the cooler outside if you want it.” 

“Fuck that.” Bucky blurted out, “Too cold.” 

Sam laughed, playfully punching his arm, “Tell that water to hurry up and boil, we’re starving here.” 

Once the pasta was finished, everyone sat on the floor around the coffee table in the living room to hold their drinks, warmed by the fire and too many candles. Bucky rubbed his socked toes along Steve’s foot as they ate and Steve was stuck wishing for a few long minutes over how he would have liked a little less company just for a moment and so he could kiss Bucky stupid right then. This set up was hitting him in the romantic feelings and he just felt really inclined about it; instead he stuffed the last of his bread into his mouth after scraping down his paper plate and thought about anything but kissing Bucky. Of course, it was all he thought about while Bucky stared at him, holding out a forkful of pasta and asking him with his eyes if he would like it. 

Steve accepted the offer, “Thank you.”

“You two are gross. We’re here trying to be warm and together all family like and yeah you’re both gross.” Clint informed, scrunching his nose a little.

Tilting his head, Steve pointed his spoon his way, “Because Natasha sitting on your lap isn’t weird at all?”

“It isn’t, she’s not going to sit on anyone else’s lap!”

Bucky rolled his eyes, “We’re not gross, we’re just comfortable with each other. Don’t pick on us, pick on..Jack and Brock!” 

“What the fuck?” Brock let out, mouth full of stew because he _was not_ touching fake pasta. 

“Hey yeah.” Sam perked up, “So how _are_ you two doing lately?”

Jack gave his best impression of ‘ _I will kill you with only my eyes_ ’ and Wilson decided that was the end of his teasing, though it set Bucky off in a fit of laughter.

Brock kicked at Bucky’s foot from the end of the table, “Look at ‘im laughin’ after he started it. Fuckin’ lil shit.” 

It was Natasha that followed after him with a laugh of her own, taking Brock’s hand when he turned her way in offense and he just couldn’t even say anything; Sam, Clint and Steve following after them because they just couldn’t hold it back any longer and soon Brock was laughing too. Jack letting his eyes close as he smiled affectionately, taking Brock’s other hand to give it a gentle squeeze the gesture not escaping anyone’s observation despite keeping their mouths shut about it.

Cleaning up came easily, music playing on one of their phones as they filled a garbage bag with trash and Sam set out to make some hot chocolate with mini marshmallows as was tradition and mandatory according to him. 

Liho had settled herself on Natasha’s lap and refused to move, instead contently kneading the blanket she sat on, Lucky opting for laying out under the table surrounded by everyone. Bucky and Nanook had disappeared though, Clint blowing dust off the top of a Scrabble box. 

“Come on Steve sit down, time for Scrabble.”

Steve was definitely on board with that, rolling up his sweater sleeves, “Where’s Buck though?”

Natasha tilted her head to the stairs, “He made a little blanket nest for himself when he heard the suggestion about scary campfire stories. He said to call him if we make s’mores, he wanted to go read.”

“Do you think he would mind if I go get him since it’s not story time?”

“Should leave the Kid alone if he wants to go read somethin’.” Brock drawled out, puffing up the pillow he was trying to lean his back against.

Jack lightly hit Brock’s thigh and only received a dirty look for it which was ignored, “Good idea, go see if he wants to come downstairs and join us.”

Steve just barely heard _Judas_ come out of Brock’s mouth before laughter filled the room.

Upstairs Bucky was bundled in his thickest pair of sweatpants and socks, the collar of a t-shirt peeking out underneath Steve’s oversized school sweater that he thought he lost over a month ago. His entire body hidden under a nest of blankets with Nanook sleeping against him although he was up when Steve entered. The dog hopped down off the bed and seemed comfortable with leaving Bucky alone with Steve which suited him just fine, closing the door to trap the heat in. A bright halogen sat on the bookshelf that gave the bedroom ample light, a smile crossing his lips when he saw the base of Puiule’s small tank wrapped in a thick shawl-looking scarf.

“It might get too cold, he’s used to room temperature no colder.” Bucky explained, glancing up from his book when he caught Steve looking.

“They’re playing Scrabble downstairs, wanna go?”

Bucky shook his head, “I love me some Scrabble but I’m very cozy here. I lost my dog though.”

Steve figured he could easily fix that, stepping closer to the bed, “Let me in your little nest.”

“No, it’s cold. You’ll make it more cold.”

Steve gestured to his body with a frown, “Walking furnace here, offering up the best body heat in the house.”

Bucky supposed that was true, making a small face but tugging out the ends of the blanket burrito tucked under his back so Steve could get in and suddenly Bucky was glad he agreed, pressing himself close to the warm heat with a shrill pleased sound.

“Mm, remind me not to listen to myself about refusing to let you into my blanket nest.” 

He curled in beside Steve, pillows propped up behind his head as he released a tired yawn. Steve chose one of the few books sitting in a pile nearby and rested it on his lap looking over at Bucky fiddling through the pages of the book he had until he found the spot where he was at before their conversation. He made a soft hum of approval glancing over at Steve with a smile before returning to read, eating a chocolate covered almond from a plastic bulk bag that had fallen to his side. 

Steve gave him a thin smile back, bending his knees up to rest his book against his thighs. He turned to the first page to read yet all he wanted to do was watch Bucky, the light of the portable lamp washing over him like a soft veil, pale skin soaking in the color and giving it a glow. 

“What’re you reading tonight?”

They both looked up to the sound of the wind howling outside around them, the branch of a tree outside heavy with snow tapping along the glass while thick swirls of snowflakes danced around trying to get inside.

Bucky held up the cover for Steve to see, the blond raising his brows in surprise, “The Shining? You avoided scary stories to read that while there’s a snowstorm going on outside? Rather appropriate.”

“Exactly, if we all die because someone decided to run about with an axe at least ghost me can say I knew it would happen.”

Grinning, Steve poked his hand lightly, “You would, just to be correct. Stubborn as hell.”

“Pot calling the kettle black.”

They both broke out in laughter, Steve jokingly kicking Bucky’s foot in retaliation.

Yawning, Bucky stretched his legs out as he leaned his side into Steve’s arm more, resting his head on his shoulder to stare at him just because. It was then, just something about right then, nestled in safe and secure, it hadn’t been the first time like that; Bucky laying about in fuzzy warm socks and sweatpants with t-shirts and Steve beside him all warm accompanied with an aura that screamed that he was here with him however he liked. No, it wasn’t the first time at all, but toes ran along Steve’s worn thin socks and Bucky was in a comfortable place with the snow coming down outside his window and Steve still felt so very romantic here like this doing nothing but pressed close while Bucky leeched up his body heat happy to be at his beck and call for it.

Steve heard a small noise beside him just before fingers rose up to feed him. He tilted his head forward just slightly and opened his mouth, taking the chocolate in as he glanced over, Bucky not looking his way anymore and only fixated on the page he was reading while chewing away at a few of the candies himself. 

Steve let his arm fall back and Bucky reclined right along with it pulling away so he could roll sideways and coax Bucky to do the same while he was reading, both almost curled in together as if they were ready to admit their darkest secrets. But then, maybe they were.

“I’m so glad you’re a blast furnace, especially right now.” Bucky mumbled out as he paused his reading and pressed the pages against his chest, smiling along as he did. 

He watched as Bucky got comfortable, body lazily laid out, slow and careful, and Steve stared with a reverence. He raised a hand hesitantly, index finger finally feeling the soft contact of Bucky’s skin as it trailed down his sharp jaw coaxing him to look up. Eyes grey and stormy like the skies tonight, he felt Bucky’s warm breath dancing against his face, the sound of the book falling between them, the crinkle of the candy bag rustling as a hand coiled around the loose fabric of his shirt. Steve leaned in like he always could, noses lightly bumping together before they rubbed alongside each other as the air crackled with a yearning they harbored for each other.

“What’re we doing here, Rogers?” It wasn’t really an actual question, Bucky’s voice light and far off, lost in the fascination of Steve entirely. He swallowed as his eyes grew heavy and half lidded.

Steve tried to calm down his breathing, tried to be aware of the beating in his own chest.

_I promise.._

Bucky stared at him, hesitating and full of thoughts going nowhere else and Steve could see that cold doubt of fear Bucky had in him. Trepidation arose in advancing towards taking that next step, the one that bore a good part of their soul and where there were no more games they could play where they tiptoed around one another. All the running, all the hiding..all the rejection towards him, it was compounded by all the want and affection Bucky held for him. A kiss meant that he was giving Steve the small hidden light of hope Bucky hid away inside of himself, the important part of him he never wanted to reveal to anyone. That place so raw and so very vulnerable that if Steve lost it, it could possibly ruin him forever.

Drawing in closer, lips barely brushing close, Steve’s hand cupped that gentle sweet lovable face like it was the most important thing to him and he thought that perhaps maybe now there was really some truth to that. 

“I promise. I won’t break your heart James.” 

It wasn’t the words he said. They were pure and real, from his heart like so much of what he did. What really got him though, was the haunted look in Bucky’s eyes. It was the weariness frozen in them, so fleetingly familiar and honest. They both felt insubstantial in their own way, both feeling like they wouldn’t be good enough for the other when in reality all they had was each other for this love. It was something Steve truly believed in and he only had to get Bucky to believe it too.

Bucky only wrapped his fingers tighter around Steve’s sweater, his other hovering at the side of his head, so close he could feel the heat off his palm as only the pads of his fingertips brushed lightly along his neck, index caressing just underneath his earlobe with lips barely parted and soft warm air dancing along Steve’s lips. Bucky was aware and frozen as he continued to be riveted by him, soak in the entire meaning of all this, “But I most likely will break yours, Steve.” 

The warning was too weak, futile in Bucky’s attempt to ward him away. If he wanted this, there was no way Steve would stop, not now, not ever. If this was what Bucky wanted forever, Steve would lay himself out for him, body and soul. 

“I don’t care, break it. I want you, want all of you Buck. I just,” Steve made a desperate noise at the back of his throat, involuntary as emotions seemed to rise and his voice fell to a whisper, “I _need_ you.” 

He moved his hand down, resting it along Bucky’s forearm, carefully sliding his fingers against skin moving it back to touch his face again almost delicately knowing how badly he wanted this, _needed_ this moment but Bucky..this was all on his call. 

Steve watched him curl into his touch, yearning and being pulled, they both felt that sensation, that feeling for the past few months together but now Steve understood it and he understood Bucky’s hesitation to it. A minuscule spark of anger burst inside of him, always there, always because he knew that as much as he was afraid of going all in with Steve because he had always wanted to go all in with him, Steve was just so blind to it and stupid, Bucky was also afraid of not being good enough and _fuck_. If he could destroy worlds to prove how good Bucky was and how he was worth more, _much more_ than what some people thought of him, he would. Sometimes even Steve felt like he didn’t belong in Bucky’s presence, in the good side of his world. 

If only he had seen it so much sooner, had Bucky so much sooner when his world wasn’t so dark. Steve brushed hair away delicately, a few strands before slipping into soft chocolate waves stroking it softly. He dropped it to cup his jaw not getting over how pliant he was this way, staring into grey eyes darkening slightly, peering at him in complete silence and even here in the muddled dark with the halogen lantern seated off to the side Steve could see the flecks of dark blue in his eyes. He shifted to hover over him, hand moving down, lightly pressed against his collarbone then sweeping along his sweater and to his hip. Their noses bumped lightly, Steve nuzzling as he barely grazed his lips with Bucky’s.

“I promise. I completely promise, I promise you with all of my heart, I..”

Bucky whimpered lightly, Steve’s eyes catching sugar sticky lips barely parting and he closed in the tiny gap between their mouths finally silencing the one too many voices in his head.

He thought he believed how to love Bucky because of how much he knew he was in love with him, but once their lips pressed together his mind had gone blank. This was nothing like he had imagined. 

Tasting like rich chocolate and a lingering aftertaste of coffee. The white hot rush of emotions surged through, consuming him like the waves of the sea and he didn’t know how to react to them. Steve presumed he knew the feeling of love so well but this was entirely a whole new sensation exposing and building inside of him. It was almost hard to deal with, reacting to it like a new drug entering his veins and altering his entire being but it was what he wanted, all of it, _this_ all for as long as he was breathing. 

Bucky himself immediately felt a rushing surge when their lips met. He had never been in a state he could compare, maybe something similar with a spark that pulled him in but kissing Steve was like nothing else he had ever experienced. All others were different, some being just friendly or affectionate on some level, the rest were completely superficial. This though, this was special. Steve was special. The kiss was innocent and careful, Steve cupping his hand at his cheek like he was about to break if he let go. The gesture was completely wrapped in an unsure shyness for the both of them that he could sense so strongly, eyes slipping closed just after seeing Steve’s cheeks rush a red color before he did. He felt like a fucking thirteen year old teenager having his first kiss; a little part of him wanted to be sick, but it was also exciting and awkward and perfect and complex all at once. 

Steve felt Bucky draw back, just enough so they could both breathe and let it all sink in. It was when he realized how dizzy he felt, stunned and sharing the air of chocolate and sugar feeling Bucky tilt his head to brush the tip of his nose affectionately across his cheekbone to reaffirm yes _that_ had just happened before rebounding to where he usually tucked his nose against his own. 

Two soft fingertips lightly pressed against his jawline, Bucky’s lips disappearing before returning moistened and inviting. He couldn’t stop staring at them, already red and swollen from the gentle pressure and maybe a slight need in their kiss, willing and wanting him as much as he wanted the same. He didn’t want to stay away from Bucky’s mouth ever again, sliding a hand to the back of his neck and cuffing the nape of it, Bucky’s heart thrumming against his body as he pressed one hard kiss on the bottom swell of his ruby colored lip before he fit their mouths together again and kissed him with an urgency he didn’t have in his first opening attempt.

Bucky made small soft pleased noises this time as they kissed. They were too low to be moans and too far and sporadic to be a pattern. They were just barely there sounds that Steve knew meant he felt happy. He could _feel_ it radiate off him like a soft wave of heat and loved him even more for that, pressing closer to the sensation of his heart beating faster against his chest. It was that fragment of movement where his thigh fit snug between Bucky’s and out slipped a tiny precious kitten of a cry from the brunette that caused something to jump inside of Steve, hips pushing and edging for the warmth of Bucky’s body so close to him.

Legs tangled together, Steve shifted and rolled them over so his hands could explore down Bucky’s sides once he freed him from the red hoodie. He was wearing a light button up pajama shirt underneath, wanting to come into contact with skin but also not wanting to push him, lost in a fight in his own head as he skimmed his fingers along sides and Bucky made small needy noises in encouragement. Steve’s fingers pushed his shirt up, just a little bit, just enough for his hands to dance across ribs while trying not to tickle him and the feeling was much more _substantial_ this way, bare skin squirming and moving beneath his hands and he couldn’t hold back his own groan like there was relief in it.

“You’re so soft,” He found himself muttering out in awe against panting lips, palm skimming across Bucky’s belly button and pushing his hand up his stomach, pressing another urgent kiss against Bucky’s mouth. 

“Please don’t stop touching me Stevie..”

Steve’s eyes shifted to see Bucky staring at him as he breathed heavily, leaning in to place another kiss to his lips. Bucky planted his own hands against his abs to keep himself steady, Steve’s coming up and twisting his fingers into hair to keep him still as he kissed him all strung up and frantic, Bucky’s thigh pressing against the front seam of his jeans.

“Touch me Stevie, keep touching me, don’t st- ”

Bucky rambled on, lost as fingers pressed and dug into the fabric of Steve’s clothes fighting for some purchase and Steve wrapped his arms around Bucky, tight and secure, his mouth dragging along the side of his neck as it bared for him. His eyes screwed closed as he breathed harshly through his nose and Steve sank teeth into the tender junction between shoulder and neck, body startling and fingernails scratched into his shirt and against his belly, the twist of pain feeling oddly good. Steve dragged his tongue over the warmed spot he bit at, already darkening, nosing it because it was his mark and that Bucky was his. He had rightful permission to now and all he wanted was to leave them all over his body declaring to everyone else he was off limits. 

Bucky’s body shivered, his face pressed against Steve’s shoulder, starving for him to touch and Steve was completely enthralled by it. Hands moved almost everywhere not knowing where he should stop, kissing him sloppily as he began to lose his thought processes from the way Bucky was rubbing up against him. He already knew it was clear how he was feeling by now, not that Bucky wasn’t hiding much of anything as he rocked against his own thigh. He nipped at Bucky’s bottom lip, teeth tugging softly just to hear the small surprised whine and he brought them in for another kiss, all messy with too much tongue and not enough finesse.

It took a few seconds for him to realize Bucky was pulling him one way and it took a few more in his clouded exuberance to figure out he was trying to get back under him. Steve did it slow, staring into dark eyes while pulling away. He grabbed at Bucky’s hips and pressed him sideways, rolling him onto his back and making a show of crawling over him after tucking his frame between spread legs. He pressed kisses along his exposed stomach and up over the buttons of his shirt before thighs clamped firmly around him and Bucky pulled him for another kiss, demanding in hungry silence for it. He planted his forearm against the mattress, his other gripping at Bucky’s outer thigh, fingers massaging along as he felt him out, hips squirming under him when he hit ticklish sensitive places. He drew his mouth down and away to bring it back to the work he had started against Bucky’s neck, teeth marking in and pinching skin, his hips grinding against Bucky’s.

“Steve..” Bucky whispered as his head fell back, throat catching over the contact of their bodies shifting together and he stopped, shutting his mouth closed mid-sentence. 

Steve kissed him along his throat, panting harshly as his hand slid beneath Bucky’s shirt, fingers grazing over delicate skin, thumb brushing over one hardened nipple and the body under him jolted in surprise as Bucky whined again, fingers digging in deeper. He found Bucky’s mouth again to swallow the timid shallow sounds and kiss him passionately, rocking forward with more of his weight while thighs squeezed his own thighs like a vice, the both of them hard and desperate.

Bucky, for his part, kissed back with just as much fury and need, turned on and wanting nothing but Steve naked against him. It was just that the overwhelming waves of emotions rolling through him made it difficult to deal with, his entire being drowning through a swirl of them. He acutely realized Steve’s hands were moving up to unbutton his shirt, lips leaving a trail of wet kisses along his cheek before his mouth lightly nipped the skin behind his ear. A slight swell of panic kicked in that Bucky couldn’t entirely understand but only pushed at him to do something about it.

“No,” He put his hands on Steve’s, “Wait, just stop. Stop..”

Steve looked back into his eyes, unsure of what to do. He let go of his clothing, letting Bucky hold his hands, feeling them shaking lightly. He sighed out deeply, a strain of worry crossing his face. Was he backing out? “Buck?”

Bucky exhaled slowly, letting his eyes close before eventually opening them, “I’m sorry, I just..”

He was backing out. 

Steve almost recoiled in embarrassment. Giving him a half smile, nodding that he understood before he attempted to move out of the tangle of blankets they had gotten themselves into and get off him.

“Where are you going?”

Steve looked back up from his fidgeting with the covers, confusion across his face, “I was trying to give you space, I didn’t mean to push you. It was stupid. I understand why you’re backing out.”

A frown crossed Bucky’s face, “Who said I was backing out? Aw Steve, you fucking..God.”

Steve allowed himself to be pulled back, balancing his weight out over Bucky again, the brunette’s lips tilting up hesitantly as eyes searched his. Steve closed the gap before anything could happen to change it, their mouths slotting together perfectly, a soft moan escaping Bucky as he momentarily forgot what he was saying. Fingers slipped under fabric, dancing against Steve’s smooth back and Steve moved his forearms to hold him, cradling Bucky to his body as he hotly groaned against his mouth, feeling how there wasn’t much of a difference now from a few moments ago with what their bodies wanted.

Bucky keened softly beneath him, his hands quickly coming up the moment Steve was shifting back into a rhythm, pushing them against his broad chest as he pulled his head away, “Stop. I can’t Steve, I can’t.”

This time Steve did roll off of him, but more so to put distance between their lower halves and take the pressure off as he laid himself out against Bucky’s side staring at him in concern, “What’s wrong? Did I do something?”

He quickly shook his head, lightly patting Steve’s chest to assure him, “I’m just really overwhelmed. Everything is exploding inside of me. My chest feels tight and it’s making me feel panicked and _hurried_. It’s strange and weird and kissing you is amazing but..”

Steve stroked his hair lightly, keenly watching him, “But?”

Bucky released a small huff of air, his hands gesturing helplessly, “I’ve liked you since I was about fifteen years old, I’ve liked you off and on for pretty much six plus years. It’s a lot to,” He chose his words with a bite of his lip, his face blooming red, “To _care_ about someone that probably didn’t know you existed for most of that time.”

Feeling dumb, Steve kind of got it but he was amazed with how dense he was, that and maybe he was assuming things, “Being with others didn’t..numb it down?”

Bucky let out a soft choked laughed, covering his face with his hands, “I don’t care about them really, besides Johnny and with him it’s entirely different. I always tried to shake the feeling of you off. I thought before hanging out your window I was okay but I guess the way I feel about you..” Gazing at him, Bucky bit his lip before eyes shied away in avoidance, “I just couldn’t stop. After the initial shock it all came back again, you just uh, give me butterflies and stuff like that.”

Steve was in awe like he could never get enough of learning about Bucky which was probably true. Taking his hand, he lightly pressed kisses against his knuckles, “I’m sorry Buck, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know. I wish I knew in our art class, I wanted to. I chickened out. I thought we would know each other over the summer so I just kept pushing it away for a better outcome. I’m sorry.”

Blushing redder, Bucky tucked his chin under his shirt, mouthing at the collar, “Don’t say sorry. We’re both stupid. I just fucking really like you Steve. I wanted you for a long while..”

Steve leaned in, his hand moving to cup the back of his head tenderly as his nose brushed along Bucky’s, their lips lightly ghosting each other’s mouths, “I really like ( _love_ ) you too Bucky. A lot. You had me Buck, even before. You always had me a long time ago..”

He felt him nod, Bucky’s hands clutching lightly to his shirt to tug him in more. They kissed again, slow and shy as the warmth Steve felt for him swelled. He felt utterly defenseless with Bucky and it felt okay to be that way and not at all scary. It was so much more than he thought it would be. The cool air swirled around his head and he tugged the extra blanket over them leaving just enough for a small stream of light, it was then when Bucky reached up and ran his hand along his beard. 

Steve could only stare, the heat from their breaths lingering together. He tilted his head to the touch feeling like there was more he wanted to say or do but he backed off, letting Bucky lead and do what he felt was right to him. It easily took him back into his head, so lost in Bucky, so sad and angry that they missed so much time without each other. So distracted in thought he almost didn’t realize Bucky had been shaking. It felt like it came from within, trifling and almost obscured because they were in a blocked stream of light and Steve had been so consumed. His hand moved carefully so Bucky could see, gently cupping his jaw, smooth fingers running along the side of his neck. The pads of his fingertips brushing against shivering skin. “You okay Buck? You’re shaking.”

Bucky’s eyes had slipped closed, warm brushes of air slipping past his lips. He nodded despite his breath being unsteady and faraway, “Yeah, I’m alright.” 

Steve couldn’t help himself, leaning in to nudge his nose softly against his, “Bucky..”

Bucky finally opened his eyes, studying the concern across his face, a fond smile against his lips. He was feeling lightheaded from the touches and being so warm and bundled up safe. Yearning for more, yearning for _Steve_. He tilted his head, a light kiss pressed to his lips and Steve only leaned into it, wanting, asking for more. Bucky moved his hands, cupping his face. They both pressed in, kissing each other tenderly, soft lips touching softer ones. Cradling his head, Steve’s other hand brushed along his neck, feather light and safe. He added some pressure when he reached his shoulder, giving it a squeeze before he roamed along his arm to carefully map him through his clothing, the subtle shaking still there as he attempted to ease him out of it and relax him. He enjoyed the slow kiss, the feel of their mouths pressed together, the only thing he wanted Bucky knowing right now was how Steve felt behind those lips, kissing him with reverence and a focus that was solely on him.

It was completely not hard to understand but it was in many ways for Bucky. His body wanted more of Steve’s touch, allowing him to touch. It felt good but it was also overwhelming. His mind fought back and forth, wanting to appreciate it but guarding himself, it was so confusing that feeling of bliss with the pull of uncertainty. He was finally here, with Steve in his arms and Steve was adoring him. His mind raced through how many times he dreamed for this, wished for this when he knew he couldn’t have it for so long. He felt wetness at his lashes, burdened by the heavy pull of emotion. Tilting his head, he hummed slightly to the feel of his body being tenderly touched. 

Steve bit his bottom lip and Bucky couldn’t help but huff out a small laugh, feeling his nose being nudged in response, “If you want to spend the night just like this and nothing else, I’m good with that Buck. I know you..we want other things but we can take it slow, when you’re ready I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. We can even stop kissing if you want. Anything.”

Bucky could only shyly smile, hugging Steve tightly to him and pressing his face against the crook of his neck, “Don’t let me go.”

Holding him tight, Steve felt himself breathe a little easier, “I don’t ever want to, never planned to, ever.”

They laid out together, side by side offering careful caresses and tiny kisses. Occasionally one of the dogs tried to get in but quickly gave up when someone would call them back or the wind outside became extra loud but mostly it was just the sound of their breathing and the shift of the covers they had wrapped themselves in as it continued to snow and life went on.

“Why did we wait so long?”

He pressed another kiss in when Bucky blinked a few times like he was caught off guard, shyness shifting into his features or possibly a sliver of embarrassment.

“We’re dumb, well more you.”

Steve smiled in agreement, he was pretty sure Bucky was correct on this call, “Me?”

“You stayed where you were safe. I would never have tried to win you,” His voice dropped slightly, awkwardly glancing away, “..I wouldn’t have fought for you.”

“And what about after that?” Steve asked in genuine curiosity drawing in a sharp breath.

Bucky shrugged softly, still staring away, “I refused to be your rebound..and I wasn’t sure about you feeling like that about me.”

“Buck, I’m in- ” He bit his tongue to stop himself. He didn’t want to scare Bucky away now that he had him somewhere they could work together. Instead he gently caressed his cheek, getting Bucky to look at him again feeling weight move against his hand and he couldn’t let go of how much Bucky enjoyed his touch. 

“I had strong feelings for you even before Tony and I broke up. I was really confused about it since I cared about him too but it was you. I messed up so much.”

He felt the heat rise to his cheeks, grey eyes staring at him with no judgment or assumption. They were only hopeful and soft, like Bucky always was and Steve leaned in to press another light kiss to his plush bottom lip, resting his forehead against his.

“I’m sorry Bucky, I’m so sorry. Why didn’t you tell me?” He asked quietly.

Bucky touched the back of his hand, pressing Steve’s palm more fully against his face and holding it there. He looked up with an expression that was so strong and so deep that Steve couldn’t believe how he had missed it, how he could have been so damn _blind_ to that sight alone.

“I couldn’t. You know that. I..if you didn’t feel the same I might have lost you and I already did once before and this time we were in so deep. I wasn’t sure I could deal with it this time around.”

“You always had me Buck, it was always you.” He pointed out fervently feeling the passion rise in him and cup the hand against his, turning his head to press kisses against fingers and down his palm, “No one could take away that one piece, that one key part that was reserved only for you. I kept it with me always Buck. _Always_. I couldn’t ever let you go. I realized that so late, but I understand it now.”

Sniffling softly under obscure shadows touching his face, Bucky lifted his arms and pulled Steve into them, feeling a kiss press against his temple comfortingly. 

Under their perfect new warmth Steve wandered his fingers delicately along the supple exposed skin of Bucky’s side petting it in broad smooth strokes over and over again like he loved just to where he had his shirt ride up and didn’t fix it. He wondered if they were going a step too far like this, that Bucky certainly proved he needed more time to heal and understand himself but it was difficult to pull away watching eyes half closed and snuggling up to the touch, knowing he needed more and was pleased to have it. 

Steve wanted to ask him to spell out what he wanted, be careful with boundaries to know when something seemed to set him off, start something in him but maybe that was a conversation for tomorrow when they weren’t so wrapped in each other and drunk off it.

Bucky leaned in and kissed him with so much intensity Steve felt the hairs at the back of his neck stand on end and yet something in his mind told him he should stop, that they had to ease into things because the last thing he needed was for Bucky to feel like this wasn’t right for him and get stuck in his head some more. The thing was though, this was missing for so long Steve was hesitant to do anything but take it in, the need and desperation he felt, those flames lit within him had spread under his skin and bled into Bucky. Those things he was trying to keep control of for Bucky’s sake temporarily dispersed as he felt so much of what he wanted mirroring in their contact. They were two souls, equally harboring their own renditions of pain and longing, hoping beyond hope that love would help heal them to stave the darkness away. 

Steve knew this was meant to be, knew this was what they deserved and needed but the thing Bucky also needed was _time_ and a gentle hand. He knew going with this and shooting for more and more at once wasn’t going to be a route they would want in the end but it was hard not to notice how Bucky always fit in his arms, the way he tucked in just right, soft but also solid in his own way, full of strength hidden within. He was able to fill every part of Steve that was vacant and empty, those places that waited for him to come in and to stay there. It was always Bucky’s place, his home to make.

He felt fingers tighten and cling to his shirt, tugging it off and pull him back in almost frantically like he was pleading and Steve answered with his own need, wanting Bucky as much as Bucky wanted him. Steve felt a jolt of pain sear through his chest, sharp and deep, fingers dipping into his skin and he grabbed at wrists as he slipped back on top, frozen in place as they fought to catch their breath. Bucky’s eyes were dark and deep, not worried or panicked over his restrained hands and Steve leaned in to kiss him just like he did, hard and rushed. His hand letting go of one wrist to grab at Bucky’s thigh and hike it around his hip and grind in, feeling Bucky gasp against his mouth. 

He kept telling himself this was the wrong plan as he released the other wrist and pressed his fingers delicately against Bucky’s throat while he drew away and teeth sank in just by his collarbone, sucking a mark into his skin. Under him he could feel Bucky go rigid a split moment, a sharp sound of surprise slipping from swollen lips and fingernails unapologetically sank into the skin above Steve’s jeans in retaliation before pulling and tugging for more of something.

Steve’s brain was racing, analyzing and processing too many things at once while cataloging what Bucky liked and how he sounded. Fragments of his docile personality coming in together with that wild spirit that lived in him and his hands gathered at the ends of his shirt, gripping at it to see if there was any protest but Bucky only responded by moving his arms away instead of readying hands to push him off again. Steve’s brain unfortunately translated the go-ahead poorly, so eager to pull it off that it ended up tearing open under his hold.

Bucky stared at Steve, chest heaving as their widened eyes met in mutual surprise, “Holy shit.” 

“I’m sor- ”

Steve’s apology died in his throat, Bucky grabbing his face and kissing him again. The press of their bodies made him drunk with need as Bucky invaded his mouth with his tongue, hot and wet as he moaned into it, Steve’s hands gripping roughly at the back of firm thighs that were trapping him in already, pointedly keeping Bucky tangled up around him. 

Pulling away from Bucky’s mouth even if it was really against what his body really wanted, he gently pressed a hand against his chest when he found him trying to lean up for more, smiling down at him as he gently rubbed Bucky's skin with his thumb letting him relax back against the pillow. He felt out the racing beat of his heart and it took his breath away how beautiful he was, a splash of color across cheeks as he peered up, bare chested and at ease under his hold, lips already plush and a flushed red, shining against the light.

“You’re so beautiful Buck, I can’t even express in words to you how gorgeous you are.” He whispered softly.

Staring at him in a mild moment of confusion as Steve beamed, grinning almost hysterically, Bucky brought his hands up to his own face suddenly attacked with shy giggles that he couldn’t control surrounded in a mess of blankets like he was ensnared by nothing but Steve and the clouds. 

Leaning in and lightly pressing kisses along knuckles, Steve nosed between his hands, “What’s got you laughing?”

Hiccuping back another giggle, Bucky’s eyes peered between fingers, moving them out to hold Steve’s face gently, “I don’t even know, I feel silly or goofy. I feel so..”

Raising his brows, drawing back just enough to stare into those grey blue eyes wistfully, Steve was a little hopeful, “So..happy..?”

The laughter died away, thumbs lightly stroking into his cheekbones and Bucky smiled. Steve knew that smile, genuine and completely sincere, “Yeah Steve. I’m happy.”

He tilted his head a fraction and leaned down to kiss Bucky breathless letting him know without saying a word that he was happy too. Fingers slipped away from his face and Bucky wrapped his arms around Steve’s neck so tightly he was afraid he would hurt him despite not being able to let go.

 

They laid side by side facing each other, Steve slowly opening his eyes to grey blues watching him and brushing his beard, not sure how long he had just been like that, so close and present but lost in his tiny contentment. Bucky’s mouth twitched upwards, smile careful and shy while Steve sleepily smiled back at him observing his torn sleep shirt wrapped around haphazardly like a robe and he felt apologetic again, hand reaching up to hold the one Bucky had beside his face. 

“Again, I’m sorry about your shirt.” 

“It’s okay, did you have a nice nap for a few minutes? You look happy.”

Steve hummed lightly, trying to will away the haze. He turned his mouth to press a tiny kiss against the inside of Bucky’s wrist, “Yeah, sorry. I was too comfortable I guess. What about you? Happy too?”

Smiling like it was some secret he was hiding, Bucky nodded to him content in lazily stroking his beard and watching just like he must have been doing while Steve had napped. 

“Good, I wanna make you happy, always want to. That and I like seeing you smile.” Steve admitted despite the weird nervousness he felt for some reason, everything warm and protected even though saying that with more meaning behind it was still a big thing between them at this stage. 

Bucky himself felt that nervous twitch, each place tingling from where Steve had touched or kissed him especially along his lips, or the way his skin lightly..just a slight, throbbed at places that were quietly bruising and warm to the touch. He had time to daydream about it all while he watched Steve nap for a few minutes like it was alright for him to do that, to relax now that it was out in the open between them.

“I was afraid to fall asleep after you did, I still am. I don’t want this all to disappear..” 

Nodding in agreement, Steve understood completely despite his slip into a nap, brushing back hair from Bucky’s eyes as he stared at him fondly.

 

He lost track of time over how long they just stayed in each other’s orbit, quiet but content. Bucky kept touching his face and trailing fingers through his beard as if he couldn’t believe he was really there and occasionally Steve would softly stroke circles into Bucky’s hip as his hand sat settled happy to be just there and nothing more.

Bucky’s smile fell away, glancing towards the window again with a small note of sadness, “I’ll ruin you Stevie. Like I ruin everything else.”

Steve turned his head not knowing what exactly prompted that. Softly he nuzzled the skin along Bucky’s inner wrist planting another small kiss there, encouraging Bucky to look at him again, his expression earnest, “I wish you didn’t think that about yourself and to be honest, I’m not exactly sure if I could live without you.”

Shaking his head, Bucky smiled reluctantly, “You don’t have to say those things.” 

“I’m only being honest, you know me..you should know I mean what I say.”

Bucky hummed and nodded but Steve was sure he still couldn’t believe him entirely so instead he slid one of his hands into Bucky’s hair to cradle his head and hold him in place carefully as he leaned in to kiss him firmly. Sure and honest, his heart beating faster and to his surprise Bucky fell into it, a hand resting at his chest and they both forgot everything aside from each other.

 

More time passed in silence and deep emotions were left unsaid. Steve couldn’t stop watching Bucky though and it wasn’t like Bucky wasn’t staring back, his eyes sleepy soft and he yet still couldn’t take himself from moving away from his face. Gaze careful and quiet like he was soaking it all in and Steve didn’t mind one bit. 

Bucky had brought his hands back to himself eventually and kept them there tucked under his chin while Steve was the absolute opposite once the brunette seemed further in tuned for more, shifting closer for it. Steve's hand searched and felt him out like he did when he would pet him or keep him relaxed except now he was more deliberate with it, palm heavy against the fabric covering his ribs and across his arms. He wanted to explore Bucky’s entire body and touch every inch of him, he wanted to savor and fawn over him like he rightfully felt Bucky deserved but he held back, adding just enough to reveal his desire to but not too much where Bucky was overwhelmed. 

“Hey.” He finally called out, gentle and low like he didn’t want to startle the balance they had there.

Bucky stared back at him, fingers twitching responsively as they sat tucked away, cupped around each other and he smiled at his voice, eyes crinkling faintly to the sound and warming to it like bathwater on a cold night or blankets wrapped around him while sharing body heat with someone like he was. 

“Let me take you out on a date.”

It took a few seconds of Steve looking at him like he expected an answer to something that made Bucky step out of his head and let the words sink in to what he just said. Blinking in confusion he pressed his lips together before they shifted to an O shape realizing he was serious, “Really?”

“Yeah,” Steve broke out in a dreamy smile, reaching up to brush the back of his fingers across Bucky’s cheek, “Unless you think I’m pressuring you too much.”

Bucky smiled, looking up at him. “No, you’d know if I felt pressured. Definitely. But no, it’s actually a little flattering I guess. You do it randomly, I mean bigger gestures..you’re always kind to me but dating seems like a gesture like the car thing so it’s always a nice surprise.”

Steve beamed at the information, “Good. If you don’t ever like it, tell me. I’ll stop, I just..I want you to know I’m here. Only for you and all I want is one date. Me and you on one date.”

“Tell me one thing first, the car thing was for,” Bucky’s brows drew up in emphasis, “..what exactly?”

“Just,” Steve shrugged his shoulders, “I wanted your attention.”

Bucky blushed, a soft pink gracing the apples of his cheeks and ducking his head partially behind his blanket. “I’m not worth all this Stevie.”

“You’re worth it all and more. I promised I would never hurt you, and I’m gonna wait til you get that. You pull yourself out of the game way too fast to avoid getting hurt. You’ll never need anything, I’ll be here for you all the way. Forever Buck.”

Bucky looked at him again but this time there was that soft line of worry in his eyes.

“I promise Buck.”

Chewing at his lip nervously, Bucky fretted as he stared out the window to the sheer white blanketing his vision outside, “I’m tired of getting hurt..”

Steve pulled him into a tight hug, rubbing Bucky’s back with strong, broad strokes and a kiss pressed to his temple. “I know and you have no way of knowing if I may end up hurting you and I know I’m it. I know. I get it. I understand completely why you don’t want to rush into this with me, why you think a life without us being a couple is better but I promise you Bucky, us together is a whole lot better than us apart.”

Bucky let his eyes slip closed, lashes damp as his arms tightened around Steve. He was right, he was _it_ and Bucky felt that in every breath he took. His fingers brushed across the back of Steve’s neck, pressing his lips firmly against his jaw. He was so scared and stressed around the future, his mother was going to make it her job to get in between them somehow and his father, despite the shock of warning Steve about it, usually still did what his mother wanted to keep her happy. 

It was also the breaking point that scared him, that there was going to be a moment where Steve could change his mind. He had been in the hospital more than once, had Ward on his ass, he didn’t know the whole entire story with Alex and Bucky didn’t know whether it was right to tell him or if he even should. What if Steve woke up one day and decided all of this drama wasn’t worth his time anymore? What if he went to Germany with him and realized he couldn’t deal with making appearances and perhaps occasionally being badgered by photographers? Steve thought rationally but he was emotionally fueled when it came to defending him, Bucky knew, but it still didn’t give him allowance to attack people trying to get his picture or ask some sort of personal question he objected to. Life was manageable despite what had already happened but Steve would never get that quiet he had before and he seemed to like that state of calm in his life. 

Was he worth that?

“Whatever you’re thinking about, stop it.”

Bucky froze, swallowing thickly at being called out. Steve leaned in, shifting his face just enough to brush his nose along the warmth of his cheek, inhaling softly like he was trying to breathe him in. Opening his mouth to defend his thoughts, Bucky’s didn’t get the chance as Steve moved again and pressed their mouths together. It was far from sweet and soft like he was at the start, this was fierce and protective, a little rough in a way that felt angry but told Bucky it wasn’t towards him. It still took his breath away like it did the first time and it wasn’t going to be the last; the mere idea was a shock, Steve here with him and kissing him this way as his brain whited out from the entire action and his senses overloaded until Steve’s mouth slid down and kisses made a path down the side of his neck. Bucky held on to him, fingers sliding into his hair and an arm locked tight around his neck. His ribs hurt from the way Steve held him but he didn’t complain, mouth pressing against his skin as kisses became less urgent and much smoother, teeth worrying along until Bucky felt spots of heat flare up and lips traced over them.

“You’re overthinking everything again.”

Finally Bucky’s eyes fluttered open, staring up to see Steve watching him and they narrowed, lightly hitting the blond against his arm before stopping and rubbing a hand along his smooth still bare shoulder, “And you’re really..distracting.”

Steve smiled as he held Bucky tight and kissed his face one more time before turning his head to rest his ear against his chest preparing to get some sleep. “I could say the same thing about you.”

*****

Steve only awoke when the bed was being disturbed, his hand sleepily making a grab for the lost warmth and catching but losing his grip on Bucky’s wrist as it immediately slipped out of his hold with a small giggle before he was off the bed completely.

“Want pancakes?”

“Pancakes?” Steve repeated, the chill in the air letting him know the power hadn’t come back yet and started rearranging himself to keep his body insulated as Bucky swore over something.

“Fucking floor is _cold_.” 

Steve agreed as he burrowed deeper under the covers absently listening to Bucky throwing something else on and stealing one of the throw blankets tangled in their nest. The door opened and he could already hear the excited paws of two dogs, one of which came to investigate the lump hiding away. He felt a wet nose hit his forehead and then a tongue invaded his covers trying to lick his face.

“No,” He whined, “My heat.”

Bucky laughed, whistling softly to get whichever dog it was to leave him alone. “Gonna make some of that pancake mix stuff and make sure the eggs and milk aren’t frozen outside, do you want anything?”

“For you to come back to bed.”

There was a pause and Bucky walked back, pulling away the covers just enough to press a kiss to crown of his head, “I’ll make you some coffee.”

Grunting in response Steve started fading off again wondering when the moment happened when they switched positions in the ‘getting up early’ department.

Bucky took the steps down two at a time, the quiet stillness telling him no one was really up except when he reached the living room it was already a decently warm difference to his room, everyone bundled together on either the couch or inflatable mattress sharing heat aside from one space missing. He already saw where that person was when he looked out the window from the kitchen, Brock bundled up on the back porch smoking. New logs had been added and the eggs were out already, coffee boiling away in a percolator. 

He turned back when the door opened and smiled, “You’ve been busy.”

Brock chuckled as he gave a shrug, “We gotta eat, yeah? Wasn’t sure if ya wanted to make somethin’ considerin’ where you’ve been all night.” 

Completely ignoring Brock’s eyes when he glanced up towards the bedrooms, he picked up the carton of eggs and grabbed a few mixing bowls from the cupboard. 

“So, do eggs, bacon and pancakes work?” 

There was a chuckle behind him, another cabinet opening for the mix to set it within Bucky’s reach before he went to tend to the coffee, shuffling for a tray to set the mugs out on, “Sure.” 

Steve finally managed to push himself out of bed, mainly because the door was left ajar and Liho found her way in only to begin her day to threaten him once more. He stared back at the cat that was giving him a narrowed look before trying to sit on his face and that was a sign he should move before he got clawed again.

“Yeah yeah, this is Bucky’s bed. I know the drill, but you know what? We made out okay? That means you have to be nice. I know you can smell him all over me so you have to be polite, it’s a thing you know.” 

She stared at him, chirruping something back at him that didn’t sound very pleased at all and Steve decided to get going, the smell of coffee adding an extra incentive while he draped one of the thinner blankets around his shoulders and tried not to feel so stiff for falling asleep in his jeans. 

Everyone was slowly rising with their own mugs of coffee in hand, Clint giving him a wave before stepping outside all bundled up holding half a case of water in his arms and something in a container while combating the high level of snow hitting his knees. Lucky followed after with Nanook, both dogs plowing and jumping into soft piles as Clint maneuvered the best he could. 

Natasha slipped in beside Steve resting her cheek against his shoulder while they both watched for a few seconds in fond amusement, “There’s an older couple a few houses down who have lived there almost all their lives. They’re very self reliant but sometimes when it’s cold like this Clint likes to go make sure they’re doing alright. We can spare some breakfast even if it’ll get a little cold by the time it gets there.” 

Steve smirked in agreement, closing the door firmly as her hand lightly squeezed his, glancing at him carefully before he could move.

"You and James?"

Nodding, Steve softly shrugged, "I think in the end, it'll be alright. I really do. I asked him out on a date, he said yes. Slow steps, right?"

She smiled at him with a nod, turning for the stairs while Steve entered the living room and headed towards the kitchen where Bucky was still cooking away flipping pancakes on a griddle in sweatpants that Steve didn't pick up last night as his, a couple inches too long on him, the edges pooling around pink and purple striped fuzzy socks that made him look a little too adorable.

He stepped in close, crowding Bucky and only meant to watch over his shoulder and be in his space for a few seconds because he missed him but he couldn’t help himself when Bucky responded with a tilt of his head to accommodate him into his space and Steve only dipped his head closer, pressing a kiss at his neck. A pleased hum slipped out of Bucky as he pressed close and Steve wrapped his arms around his middle, pressing another kiss to the bruise he left and then another above it, nosing at earlobe which only ended up causing Bucky to try to squirm and pull away. There was a sharp smack to his hip and it only made him smirk. 

“Steve don’t be mean!”

“I don't know what you're talking about right now.” He teased, hugging Bucky tighter and burying his face against his neck.

Sam cleared his throat behind them and they both looked over innocently, a paper plate held up expectantly, “Look, it’s real nice you two finally got your heads out of your asses and that none of us heard any gross sex noises and all that but I’m a starving man and would like to refuel.”

*****

It took them over two hours to get back home and Steve wondered if it had been a better idea to stay put than leave but Bucky actually wanted to go back and Steve was a little curious on if everything was alright at his place, that and he really wanted to get Bucky all to himself and entertain the privacy they would have between them.

It seemed only a few degrees warmer inside than out, Steve purposefully leaving the heat off because he had no idea when they would come back but at least the power there was back on, flipping the light switch by the door on then off before turning it on again and looking back at Bucky with a shrug, “Want some cocoa?” 

Bucky nodded before he and Nanook headed to the bedroom while Steve headed to the kitchen and turned on all the stove elements, holding out his hands to heat them a tiny bit before realizing he’d have to use water because they were out of milk. Well, at least it would be warm. 

He found Bucky asleep by the time he came back with their cups of cocoa and adjusting the thermostat so that hopefully they would get some heat circulating quickly enough. He had Steve’s always missing red sweater pulled back on him and the hood tugged over his head, swallowed by two thick blankets and Nanook curling around his back. Steve set the mugs down on the nightstand and climbed into the space before him, the rustle of movement causing sleepy grey blue eyes to barely open.

“Steve?” 

Steve nodded, unfolding the other blanket Bucky had left there at the foot of the bed to add an extra layer while he slipped in under the covers, “Yeah it’s me, you don’t want your cocoa?” 

Eyes closed and Bucky shook his head preferring instead to reach his arms out and Steve settled in them pressing a kiss against his lips.

It was a new and different way of passing time together, a way he never wanted to give up, laid out and trading lazy soft kisses with Bucky. The absent sounds of moist pliant lips coming together occasionally hit the air before there was a distracted hum of approval in Steve’s ear when he gripped at Bucky’s hip to keep him close. 

Bucky’s lids were half lowered as he stared back, smiling sleepily not able to say anything.

“Bucky.” Steve whispered as he moved in, the tip of his nose brushing past his.

If Bucky knew exactly what it was that made him respond to even a fragment of Steve, he would have anticipated it. He couldn’t though, the blond’s entire existence something of an anomaly and he moved his head helplessly to one side, mirroring him before tipping his chin up while Steve dipped his down and their lips caught each other again.

A hand crept under layers of clothing, Steve’s fingertips softly brushing along his side, palm feeling out against curves in his body and Bucky sighed happily as he moved his hand down and pressed his fingers at Steve’s wrist, encouraging them to slide higher underneath, tongue running along the seam of his lips as he was granted permission and kissed him deeper.

Steve’s hand moved everywhere it could, feeling out Bucky’s back and along his stomach. His hand skimmed along his hip as Bucky mewled against his mouth, the moment short lived the second he moved to the curve of Bucky’s ass and was abruptly grabbed at his wrist and wrenched away, Bucky’s body tense and features growing flustered.

Immediately Steve was on high alert, raising his head and pulling his hand away, “Buck?”

Bucky was trying to brush it off, attempting to dismiss the reaction as he avoided eyes and Steve frowned, “What’s wrong?” 

Shaking his head, Bucky hid his face against the crook of his neck and all Steve could do was hold him close. “I’m sorry for whatever I did. I didn’t mean to cross any boundaries.” 

There was no verbal response, Bucky only shaking his head again and Steve hesitated to touch him eventually resting a hand at the center of his back to give it a light comforting rub, Nanook snuffling against the back of Bucky’s neck and wiggling in closer to assure him. He could feel Bucky relaxing again and at least that was good, turning his head to press a careful kiss against his cheek, “You’re okay. You’re safe here.” 

“Can you talk about something?” Bucky faintly mumbled against skin.

Of course Steve found his brain going completely blank in that moment but he nodded, “Sure. Of course. I think I’d like to take you out on our date tomorrow if you still want to. I’m free from work then because Nick had to keep the bar closed, is that okay? Would you like that?” 

He felt Bucky nod against him and Steve smiled in relief, holding him tighter. He lifted a hand to pet Nanook’s head to reassure him as well, “Good, I wanna surprise you. I kind of have something in my head already that I know you’ll probably enjoy, I promise.” 

Fingers slipped into Steve’s hair and he smiled, pressing another kiss against Bucky’s head. He thought about what he could talk about, deciding on telling him about a few painting projects he had flying around in his head and about wanting to continue his Icarus collection with Bucky posing for some new pieces since they seemed to be popular. He withheld a shiver when he felt Bucky smile, lips against his skin so light and soft, cuddling closer to him.

Bucky hated that all he wanted to do was escape and run away, that it was his natural instinct. He panicked over nothing and felt embarrassed when he reacted like that with Steve, especially when he wanted him to touch him everywhere. It was just that _something_ that set him off and everything backfired. Now warm and feeling protected in Steve’s arms, he listened to him talk and sleep was overtaking him. He felt the vibrations of his voice carrying on but actual words were coming in and out muffled or not existing at all. The last thing he really heard was Steve whispering by his ear that he was lucky that Bucky chose him and Bucky was too sleepy to fight him about that, curling his fingers around strands of dirty blond hair because Steve was so wrong. Bucky was lucky Steve chose _him_.

*****

The second Tony had caught wind of Steve’s big date he had made it his mission to take a personal shopper with him without letting Steve in on that bit of knowledge and buy a few outfits for him for the big night. When he showed up with Sam, Sam only held up his hands as he walked in, Steve not knowing what the issue was until Tony followed in with an armful of boxes and some boutique bags hanging off his arms.

“What the hell?”

“I dunno man, he just showed up to pick me up and there was a shopping spree in the back of his limo.” 

Tony waltzed in with a big smile, “You need me Steve, you have to be perfect for this night so just shut up and pick an outfit.”

Steve knew there was no way to talk Tony down, the three of them moving into the bedroom to lay out all the clothes and see exactly what he bought.

Eventually he had narrowed down some of his choices looking from one button down to another, holding them up for Tony to choose as Sam rested a hand at his chin thinking about them, the pair perched at the end of the bed corner.

“I’ve seen you naked, the steel grey one will make your eyes look good when you get all hot and heavy after your date.” 

Sam turned to look at Tony while Steve only glared and the brunette shrugged unapologetically because there was no way he was going to say sorry for telling the truth. 

Sam pointed and nodded at the grey one, “..Yeah I like the grey one too but not for the same reasons, even if it will bring out your eyes. You’ll look really nice in it.” 

Settling for grey, Steve kicked them out of the bedroom and changed into his new outfit, staring at himself a few times when he finished, inevitably pacing around the room while Tony yelled at him to hurry up. He went into the bathroom to fix his hair and he looked over himself one more time to make sure this was the right look. Black jeans that were just the right fit, a contrasting red belt that didn’t show up unless his arms went up, it was like a peek into having more of a personality than was shown in him, he liked the concept. It was finished with the slate grey button down with the sleeves rolled up just at his elbow that seemed to be one size too small and yet hugged his chest in the right places as it did his arms. Was it enough? Maybe too casual? Well it couldn’t be considering Tony’s lavish tastes and Sam liked it so together he had to force himself to believe it was great despite how nervous and worried he was about it.

Once Steve added a few spritzes of cologne around his pulse points and _really_ got his hair exactly how he wanted it, he felt much more comfortable with the idea that maybe this very important date would actually turn out really amazing and the man he was utterly in love with would shed his fears and maybe say yes to being in a relationship with him.

He kept trying to avoid having sweaty palms as he made his way down the hallway and into the living room where his friends waited, both of them stopping mid-conversation to just look at him and Steve held his hands out to his sides in a half shrug, “Well? Do I look like a respectable date?” 

“Ugh,” Tony complained, screwing up his face in disgust, “Definitely. Very nice though, I’m very proud of my skills in fashion.” 

Sam got up, something crinkling behind him and Steve turned his way curiously, “Congrats, you’ve grossed Tony out. I’m very proud of you, you forgot one thing though for your date.”

Steve’s brows went up, hands patting himself down. He had his wallet, his hair was set, clothes were on, shoes were at the door. Socks? No, socks were on..he wasn’t going commando so..

Sighing at him, Sam presented him with a bouquet of flowers, a real nice one at that and he was floored, taking them because he completely forgot about getting Bucky a token for their date. His friend smirked, nodding to him.

“Yeah, I can see the absolute horror of realization that you completely forgot. You’re lucky you have us as your best friends or you’d end up looking like a wreck with no gift.” 

Beyond grateful, Steve pulled them in for a hug, “I owe you both everything. Thank you for helping me tonight and every time I need it.” 

“Steve, you’re literally a walking Greek God, Barnes is going to eat you up.” 

Steve pinched Tony in the back feeling a moment of satisfaction when he jumped, “This has to go perfect, I can’t mess any of this up. Bucky is..he’s special. I have to make the effort.”

Tony drew back pretending to wipe a fake tear away, “I’m a little jealous.”

Lightly swatting at his chest, Steve shook his head, “Stop that right now, alright? You mean the world to me asshole.”

“Oh, you’re too kind ex of mine.”

Sam threw up his hands, “Okay both of you need to stop because Steve needs to get going and you definitely are making an effort, so just breathe. Kick us out of here, get some of your nice shoes on, don’t slip on any ice or drown in any snow, get a cab, get to dinner and be yourself! Okay?” 

Nodding to him, Steve drew in a lungful of air easing it out slowly, “Okay. Now you two get out, I have a date to get to.” 

“Rude.” Tony huffed, a small smile on his face, already moving towards the door. “You better name your first child after me Rogers.”

Sam looked at him, scrunching his brows, “Do not even make those jokes, no one wants to be named Tony.” 

“Anthony is a very nice name unlike _Samuel_ , what are we? Pilgrims?” 

Steve tried not to laugh, directing them both out as he listened to them bicker all the way to the elevator. He closed the door and contacted a cab, leaving a text for Bucky that he’d be on his way soon to pick him up.

*****

All the way there he had to keep repeating to himself that it was just Bucky and that they’ve gone out to eat together numerous times. This wasn’t any different from those times and he needed to relax and think of this as something easy, completely laid back.

The moment they pulled up before Natasha’s place Steve felt his stomach trying to climb out of him, hand pressing to his lips and giving himself a moment before asking the taxi driver to wait, sucking in a lungful of cold air as he stepped out. Skies sat gray and unwelcoming, daylight losing their battle but as he stepped over the bank of piled snow the brownstone was lit up like Christmas, stoop light on and graciously calling for him to come inside. He exhaled nervously, tugging at the end of his peacoat with one hand, his other trying to focus hard on not strangling the bouquet he was holding 

“Just breathe Rogers, Bucky wants this just as much as you do. Think of it like any other time you both went out together and it’s that simple. Come on.”

Steve made it up the steps trying to repeat the words over and over again under his breath attempting to coax himself not to back out of it and hide in his apartment. As much as he was trying not to make it a big deal, it was a very big deal to him. He wanted to make a good impression and create a memory they could laugh about knowing Bucky just may be as panicked as he was.

Finding himself standing before the front door, he had to let himself breathe, hand forming a fist to knock but he just couldn’t get himself to do it. 

It seemed he didn’t have a choice in the matter when the lock clicked from the other side and he could hear Lucky only to come face to face with Brock opening the door. Suddenly he was remembering the last time they stood face to face with the door between them and Steve cleared his throat as eyes carefully scrutinized him.

“Uh, hi.”

“Didn’t expect me to be ‘ere, huh?”

Steve may have squirmed faintly under Brock’s heavy gaze watching as the man didn’t even try to move aside and let him in, “Not exactly, I- ”

“For fuck’s sake Brock, let him inside! It’s cold!” Jack yelled from the couch.

Clint quickly walked over and gave him a push sideways to yank Steve in. 

Steve followed, trying his best not to crash into Brock who barely bothered moving to accommodate his frame and Clint rolled his eyes, giving him a light smack on the arm.

“Be good.”

“I ain’t a dog.”

“You attacked him like one before, or did you forget? Chill out, we’re all friends here.” 

He only scowled his way, folding his arms over his chest, “Yeah well jus cause they’re goin’ on a damn date ain’t mean nothin’.” He turned, surprising Steve with a jab of his finger to his chest, pressing in painfully, “Better keep yer damn hands to yerself, Rogers.” 

Jack made a deliberate sound of sighing, “Brock, come over here and sit your ass down before I walk over there.”

Rumlow snapped his head up towards the sitting room, “Why ya gotta talk like I’m bein’ an asshole right now? If he fucks up, yer gonna be one of the first people gettin’ all pissed off about it!”

Bringing an arm around to drape along Brock’s shoulders, Clint grinned at him, “Hey let’s not kick up a fuss alright? You know this is a big deal to Buck. He’s going to get upset if he hears you, let ‘em go have a nice time.”

“I promise to bring him home before midnight.” Steve promised, ignoring Clint looking at him in disbelief. He knew he didn’t owe Brock anything but if it eased him to see Bucky come back safe, hopefully in a happy mood, then he would do it. 

Besides which, there were no plans to take Bucky back to his place or anything of that manner, even if Bucky wanted to. He resolved to do this right and despite the idea of ending up in bed didn’t seem like a bad idea and something he wouldn’t mind, Steve figured it would be better for the both of them to just take it traditional for the night. This was their chance to just enjoy each other and clear up the fog, for Bucky to see him for him and understand he wasn’t just anyone going on a date with him. That he was going to put his fierce dedication that Bucky knew he had for their friendship and understand it also meant with their relationship, that he was here for the long haul to love him endlessly.

They all turned their head when Bucky’s bedroom door opened and Natasha stepped out, glancing their way in mild humor. She turned back into the room and tilted her head for him to follow and after a few brief seconds Bucky stepped out with balled nervous hands pressed to his sides and Steve inhaled only to feel like he didn’t know how to breathe anymore. 

He wasn’t really sure why he didn’t expect much from Bucky, well not in a bad way, more of a comfortable in something warm and easy to wear. Something Steve would love either way, even if it was something resembling warm pajamas, or his baggy torn hoodie or even one of his over-washed band tees. It would be no skin off Steve’s nose after the way he acted at Romano’s that first time he went with Bucky trying to hide his discomfort and he was called out on it. 

One word that came to Steve was perfect as Bucky casually stepped down the stairs behind Natasha trying to smile despite his eyes calling out how nervous he was. He wore a white dress shirt under a navy v-neck wool pullover with evidently brand new black skinny jeans, the fabric hugging comfortably around his legs and keeping a tight, almost dangerous stretch across his thighs. He opted for keeping a couple of buttons undone on his shirt allowing it to sit open against the mouth of the v-neck which also revealed one of the hickies Steve had left two nights prior. There was a small peek of the ball chain hiding under there barely picked up from the hall light. He had added some kind of hair styling product to his hair, swept to the side and away from his eyes though still holding that tousled messy look he was so used to, he had shaven too. Bucky had pushed his sleeves back to expose his forearms and was wearing a canvas black watch, his outfit was completed with..were those black leather Oxford shoes? Yeah, there was definitely effort put in for tonight and Steve couldn’t help the smile that broke out. He looked so handsome and all because he was going out, on a date, with him.

“Wow,” Steve said unintelligently, his mouth falling open to just stare while Bucky reached the bottom of the stairs. He just didn’t know what else to say, he saw him almost every day in all types of outfits but today it was just extra special. “Buck you, wow Jesus you just look amazing tonight.” 

Bucky’s cheeks pinked as he looked away, holding his hands together nervously, “As opposed to every other time you see me?”

Natasha audibly sighed, folding her arms over her chest having none of Bucky’s lack of confidence but Steve gave her a small smile, stepping up to Bucky to hold out the flower bouquet Sam had wisely brought to him. It really was a beautiful arrangement of yellow roses, red and pink gerberas and a healthy gathering of blue hydrangea. He appreciated Sam’s tone with it, forward enough to be an appropriate gift for their date but it was also non-threatening. It wasn’t red roses and all romance because sure that was what Steve would have stupidly picked out and Bucky was already feeling overwhelmed by so many pressures. The last thing he needed was Steve pushing him to decide about them before the date even started. 

“I’ve always wanted to tell you that you look amazing, I just didn’t want to come off as weird saying it all the time. These flowers are for you.” 

Chuckling softly, Bucky had a hard time trying to keep eye contact and Steve only waited almost forgetting they had four sets of eyes looking their way as Jack was trying his best not to look from the couch but definitely was in a poor attempt to pretend he was reading. 

“You don’t look bad yourself Stevie, but then I’m in the same boat and could always tell you how nice you look.” Bucky delicately took the cellophane wrapped bouquet and looked at the flowers in quiet regard giving them a little sniff as he felt his face go warmer, “Thank you, for the flowers. They’re lovely. I’ll have to..”

He looked up towards his friends for help and Natasha stepped in to take them, “I’ll place them in a vase of water for you. Now go have fun.”

It was the moment Bucky was getting his coat on that Nanook started to try to get outside when Steve opened the door assuming it was time for a walk and Bucky laughed, leaning over to give him a rigorous rub with his hands along his back, pressing a kiss on his head. “You’re staying here baby, I’ll be back later okay?”

Nanook looked up at him and whined as he howled back unhappily at him, pawing at the floor before him like a finicky child and Bucky’s heart melted, kneeling down to hug him tightly. “I know, I’ll be back soon.” 

Clint reached over and ran his hand along Nanook’s fur, Lucky approaching the noise and seating himself down beside everyone, “Come on Buck, it’s not like you can take him with you. Go on your date!”

Pouting, Bucky pressed another kiss at Nanook’s forehead, “But look at him, he’s so unhappy I’m leaving him.” 

Steve helped him to stand again, Natasha shaking her head, “If you can’t leave a dog with us, how are you going to be able to have a date night when you have kids?”

Leaning down to give his dog one last hug, Bucky frowned, “Who says I’m going anywhere when I have kids, you know I’m going to stare at my baby all day. I can’t leave an infant, I’m not a monster.”

Clint met Steve’s gaze and gave him an amused eye roll.

“And yer plannin’ to move out so these two can have a baby room? Sounds like you ain’t gonna leave after the first time you step in ‘ere when that kid arrives.” Brock retorted with an amused smirk.

Bucky stuck his tongue out at him, straightening up before giving everyone a wave, “No one upset my dog or I’ll blame Brock for it.”

“‘Ey!” 

Giggling outright, Bucky hooked an arm around Steve’s and forced him out the door to get away from Brock’s wrath.

They got into the taxi and Steve relayed the address of the restaurant, sitting back as they got going and watching the lights for a moment before turning the opposite way to look at Bucky, finding him already staring his way which made his stomach want to do a million and one cartwheels.

Bucky’s mouth quirked up, he seemed more relaxed here and was suddenly sure it was, now that they didn’t have an audience watching their every move and their honest compliments weren’t making them feel awkward.

“You really do look nice Stevie, the red belt is a nice touch. That and whatever you’re wearing smells good.”

Trying to relax his nerves, he calmed his breathing and gave Bucky an easy smile, “Thank you..and I wasn’t kidding about how amazing you look tonight as you always do. I mean you could wear a garbage bag and I’d probably tell you that you look amazing.”

Trying not to laugh, Bucky’s eyes showed off his amusement, “Duly noted if I ever feel like wearing them.”

Steve reached over to playfully punch him and Bucky easily caught it, both hands unfolding his fist so he could press it between his palms and rest it against his thigh as they took in their car ride to the restaurant and Steve was happy, this could be what they could be always doing. It was so simple and it was what he wanted so badly, he needed tonight to be a success.

Once they reached their destination, Bucky was already trying to make out the details of the building’s exterior while Steve was paying their fare. He used the distraction to get out and jog around quickly to Bucky’s side next to the cleared off curb that led a salted path towards the entrance, opening the door for him.

Bucky couldn’t hide his amused delight, taking the hand offered for him as he stepped out and they began to walk together.

“This place looks nice.” He gushed as he looked around, his hand wrapped around his scarf to unwind it but too distracted to do so staring at the exterior of old brick and wood framed building. 

Ivy wrapped around the side and up towards the roof and Steve thought it just had a homely feeling of warmth about it when he chose the place online. He chuckled when Bucky was tugging him towards the front door insistently, eager to get inside and see how that fared. Past the heavy door they were hit with the scent of herbs and roasting meats as well as the rustic experience of low lighting from exposed hanging bulbs and more deep brick and dark wooded furniture. A bar sat to the side, aged wood and full of wonderful charm, glasses shining above a bartender’s head as he busied away at orders and Steve felt like he had been transported to some tavern in the middle of Europe somewhere instead of living in New York. 

At his side Bucky was wide eyed and fascinated as much as he was feeling it inside, “You like it?”

Turning his way and scrunching his nose like he said something silly, Bucky turned away to look at the large hearth fire burning along to the side that was easily double the size of a normal fireplace and it must have been how they kept the place nice and toasty. 

“How did you find this place Stevie? It’s better than nice, it’s awesome.” 

“Honestly, I just happened to find it while I was searching for a place. It’s fairly new as far as I know and the interior shots people had posted clinched that you’d probably like it.” He shrugged a little as they approached the hostess podium, “For two please, under the name Rogers.”

The girl smiled and nodded, working through her list with a small frown, “I don’t seem to have that name, would it be under another?”

Pressing his lips together, Steve immediately knew who it was under. He apologetically turned to Bucky who looked a little worried, “I had to cheat a little because they require reservations and they were booked when I called so I kind of asked Tony to try to make reservations and see how that would work.” 

“Oh.” 

Steve nodded, wrapping an arm around Bucky’s waist hoping the contact eased him a little bit, “It may be under Stark. He made the reservation.” 

Almost immediately the girl was nodding with a smile, “There it is! Alright, let me show you to your table, I hope neither of you mind sitting by the fire. It gets a little warm but it’s far enough away not to be overbearing, if there is a problem though just let your server know and they’ll be more than happy to reseat you somewhere else.” 

Bucky’s expression was enough to assure Steve it definitely would not be a problem, pulling away the chair closest to the heat source and gesturing for Bucky to have a seat. The brunette stared at it for a moment blankly before moving in to sit, turning his head without warning a second before he did just so he could press a kiss to Steve’s cheek for what he could only assume was appreciation for choosing the right seat.

“Thank you.”

Trying to hide his blush, Steve avoided the hostess’ big smile as he sat across from Bucky and she set down some menus while letting them know about specials for the evening. He was actually relaxing despite the warmth not coming from the fire. There were so many small details he worried about while just getting to this spot here; that maybe Bucky wouldn’t want to come out with him all of a sudden or that they wouldn’t get such a nice spot to sit or even if they had the correct reservations. Steve so badly just wanted everything to be nice for Bucky, maybe not over the top or anything but just really something he would remember as a memory to keep throughout their lives together. Well he hoped that’s how it would all work out. All in all what he wanted was for Bucky to be happy and now that he was seated and staring back at him, he wasn’t sure why he was stressing so much about it. 

Steve stared at soft hair and glowing cheeks, the backdrop of the firelight causing Bucky to take on an angelic effect that left Steve staring stupidly as he was watched with a quiet smile.

“Stop looking, you’re making me nervous.” 

Brows went up, “Me?”

“I mean you already make me nervous but I’m feeling extra nervous, ya know?”

Steve watched Bucky’s face color, touching his eating utensils and then felt out the edging of his linen napkin before moving his appetizer plate a couple centimeters over. He listened too, his New York mixing with his Romanian.

“And I know we made out, _a lot_ yesterday and I shouldn’t but I am and- ”

Steve smiled as he reached over, tenderly taking Bucky’s hand with his, waiting until their eyes met before he nodded to him understandingly, “Yeah Buck, me too. I feel like I’m going to be sick, I’ve never felt simultaneously like I want to vomit _and_ feel like I have millions of butterflies fluttering about in my stomach. I feel like that here, I feel like that when we kiss..I’ve felt like that ever since I laid eyes on you.” 

Bucky looked away, ducking his head and only looking up when their waiter came to take drink and starter orders while filling their water glasses. Steve cruised through the drinks menu before choosing a beer and tried not to smile too much when he knew Bucky was staring back at him just as intently right afterwards.

 

Appetizers had arrived and Steve had chosen spicy calamari because it was his go to dish when he wasn’t sure what really a large portion of the menu tasted like. They agreed on sharing an order of garlic butter prawns with chunks of bread for dipping into the sauce or just defaulting to the whipped butter accompanied with it. Bucky ordered escargot and Steve didn’t bother to hide his disgust, a round pot of six nestled in individual little cups with mushroom caps over top was sat before the brunette soaking in a curry type of butter from what Steve could pick up with his nose, melted lightly browned cheese finished over the whole thing.

“I can’t believe you ordered snails.”

Rolling his eyes at him in disbelief, Bucky laid out his linen napkin across his lap once he unfolded it at the corner, “They’re really good. Trust me. Have you ever tried one?”

Steve’s face worsened, cringing so badly a passing waiter took a double take obviously assuming the worse for a moment before realizing _why_ he was reacting that way.

Bucky scoffed, “And you say I’m immature..”

He couldn’t help it, watching warily as Bucky used the provided smaller fork after squeezing lemon over his dish and doing it to the second lemon over the prawns and then to the calamari. He fished out one of the escargot stuffed in the cap and let it cool onto his appetizer plate; Steve was so sure it was about two seconds from sliding away and off the table but he kept it to himself as he took some squid onto his own plate. 

“Say ‘ah’!”

Steve didn’t look up as he forked some tzatziki onto his saucer, “I’m not putting that in my mouth, Buck.”

“..You put dicks in your mouth but you won’t eat a tasty snail!?”

A fork fell loudly onto a plate somewhere near their table and Bucky shrunk down in his seat trying to look invisible, his face flushing. He mouthed a sorry in the general direction of where the noise came from, refusing to look that way instead keeping his eyes on Steve as the blond tried not to laugh. 

Pointing at him, Bucky narrowed his eyes, “Don’t do it Steve. Stop. I swear..”

Face growing redder by the second, Steve lifted his own linen napkin to his mouth and tried to muffle a howl of laughter, his entire body shaking and Bucky tried his best to look unimpressed which was frankly very difficult with the way Steve was reacting right then. 

When he finally calmed down, Steve looked at the greyish dark colored _thing_ sitting there and looking back at him and sighed, Bucky leaving him alone but he wanted to be a good sport and he leaned in over his saucer with his mouth open and his eyes closed.

“Are you sure?”

He nodded even though he wasn’t, trying to get the thought of fat ugly black slugs going across sidewalks out of his mind because those and snails went hand in hand for him and that was just disgusting. He felt Bucky carefully feed him and he chewed for a few seconds with a wince tasting curry spices with the butter and cheese then the mushroom. Quickly after that though he was really tasting the snail which he could pretty much compare to clams or oysters but every fiber of his being was rejecting it, a choked sound slipping out of him as he forced himself to swallow it down instead of throwing it up onto their table. He grabbed his beer glass and downed it as quickly as he could, gasping for something more and drinking the last of his water down. 

Bucky was looking at him and trying not to laugh and Steve was _suffering_ , how could he not see this?

“No, never again. No, so gross.” He shuddered and stole Bucky’s glass of wine, trying to wash out any remaining aftertaste, the ick factor crawling across his entire body, “Stop laughing at me and help me order another drink. Ugh, I’m _dying_.” 

His peripheral vision saw Bucky rising out of his chair but he was so grossed out over the taste on his tongue he barely acknowledged it until Bucky moved his arm and stepped in to sit on his lap. Steve blinked, relaxing almost immediately and Bucky smiled at him, hooking an arm around his neck.

“That’s better, damn drama queen.”

“I’m not though.”

Bucky shook his head, cupping Steve’s face before leaning in to give him a kiss. There they were, the both of them on their first date together with mouths reeking of garlic and spices while throwing manners out the window especially with seating and Steve only wrapped his arms around Bucky’s middle happily kissing him back.

Pulling away too soon, Bucky smiled against his lips, nuzzling his nose before he escaped Steve’s grasp and went back to his seat, “Don’t make that face, we’re having dinner remember?”

Steve definitely didn’t care about snails or dinner anymore but he endured, straightening up in his chair and stealing a piece of bread off Bucky’s plate to dip it into the garlic butter the prawns came in. He was so happy.

*****

They decided to take a walk after their meal and skip dessert so they could look around and explore the area a little despite the extremely cool weather and high snow banks threatening to crumble back onto the paths cleared for pedestrians.

The only time Steve had an issue (aside from the snails) was when Bucky was cutting into his massive two inch thick cut steak and moaning obscenely at how good it was. He could only watch blankly and hope his linen napkin was doing a good job to hide anything as he shifted his chair in closer under the table and Bucky gripped his steak knife and fork with his head tossed back in silent chew like he was recovering from an orgasm. Steve wasn't the only one noticing, his date too good looking for his own well being, counting at least eight people staring and he tried his best to smile and not turn their whole dinner into a moment of weakness by thinking with the wrong head. 

It only took a block to find something Bucky wanted, entwined fingers tugging at Steve’s hand and they slipped into an Italian ice cream shop surprisingly packed despite the weather outside. Inside though it was toasty warm, the place small and cramped with only a few tables and chairs all made of plastic, the walls painted in tacky summer colors of beaches and mermaids. Posters of the different fruity ice cream drinks and sweet desserts sat all over the walls boasting this and that and Steve remembered the same types when he was a child sure they probably _were_ the same ones he saw back then. He didn’t even need to know why Bucky was attracted to the place, observing him joining the line without even checking what was on sale.

“Ice cream?”

Bucky nodded as he tried to peek over at what was available through the glass displays, fingers not letting go as he shifted from foot to foot in excitement obviously caught up in what exactly he was in the mood for.

Steve was in the mood for Bucky though, pulling him close and pressing his back against his chest as he placed a kiss to his neck, “You’re adorable, you know that?”

Glancing back at him, Bucky smiled and tilted his head up in silent request for another kiss and Steve gave it. The urge to tell him he loved him tried pushing past his lips but he kept it back and swallowed it down again while he embraced Bucky tighter, pressing another kiss to his temple as they slowly shuffled forward with the line. 

Finding a freed up space near the back, they managed to squeeze in together, the spot more designated for children rather than full grown men and Bucky was practically on Steve’s lap trying to fit without bumping into other people. Resting his cup of ice cream on the edge of the tiny round table, Steve wrapped his arm around Bucky’s waist to keep him close as well as protecting him from anyone getting too near and not paying attention. He had gone with simple and chose crema as his flavor of gelato, eating a spoonful while Bucky squished in impossibly closer to give leeway to a heavy set man trying to take the seat next to him.

“It’s busy.” Bucky commented as he licked his spoon, giving Steve a soft smile despite their legs pressed tight against one another. “How’s your ice cream?”

“Good actually, yours?” 

He nodded, holding a spoonful, “You want some?”

All Steve had to do was open his mouth and Bucky happily fed him, a swirl of chocolate and hazelnut taking over his senses and he could definitely get used to this flavor as well.

“It’s really nice. What was the name of that one?”

“Bacio; it means kiss.”

Feeling bold, he leaned in closer, “Can I have one?”

Bucky shook his head pretending to be tired of his antics but obliged none the less, their tender short peck slowly elevating into something more, ice creams quickly becoming forgotten as was where they were. It wasn’t until someone close by loudly cleared their throat that Bucky pulled away, red swollen lips and a slight look of embarrassment on his face. He poked his spoon at his dessert dumbly trying to go back to eating, ears pinking.

Steve leaned in, refraining to kiss him anywhere for now, “They’re just jealous.”

Hitting him in the chest, Bucky rolled his eyes, “I can’t do anything around you, you’re so distracting.” 

That wasn’t so bad in Steve’s opinion.

*****

The moment their cab pulled up before the museum, Bucky suddenly wondered about blankets and sleepovers again, giving Steve a coy smile, “Are we gonna go hang out in the planetarium and look at dinosaurs again Stevie? Is that your surprise?”

Steve simply smiled as he paid the driver, climbing out of the car and gesturing Bucky to follow him out. He reached into Bucky’s coat pocket for his phone and the tangle of earbuds, pressing the items in his hand, “Pick out some music and listen to it until I take them out, do you trust me to blindfold you?” 

Curious with a small pang of worry over losing his sight, he reached his other hand out giving Steve’s a careful squeeze, “If you don’t ever let go. The second you do I’ll- ”

“ -I promise, I won’t let you go.” 

Bucky considered it a long moment before he nodded slowly and chose a playlist of classical music to keep him from panicking too much. This was Steve, he’d never do something malicious to hurt him, he had to keep remembering that despite his stomach starting to twist in nervous knots.

Steve waited a few minutes after Bucky put his earbuds in, listening to the music running very faintly as he carefully unraveled his scarf and tied it around his eyes, testing to see if he could see anything. As promised he held Bucky’s hands and waited on that deep crease across his forehead to smooth out a little hoping he could get him to relax a tiny bit before they began to walk. 

When they were finally ready, he led Bucky inside through the service entrance. Chris waiting for them so he could escort them and lead the pair through the main lobby where one of the museum directors were on standby.

Bucky couldn’t see a thing, music playing moderately loud in his ears as he walked cautiously along with Steve’s guidance. He could hear some sort of conversation but not what was being said. It was fine as long as he knew Steve was there holding him, he tried not to worry too much about missing the details considering it was supposed to be a surprise anyway. They were moving again and after a little walk he stepped through some kind of doorway and the ground was suddenly soft underfoot. It was at that point Steve was holding his arm but was moving around to stand in front of him, slipping his earbuds off and then his scarf was slowly unraveled from his eyes. 

It took him a few seconds to adjust to the bright lighting in the room, realizing he was in a jungle looking type of garden, an information podium close by informing him of his arrival to a butterfly enclosure. Steve stood before him, worry in his eyes and Bucky could only smile evenly before it all sank in.

When it did, Steve wasn’t sure he could compare anything to the genuine expression on Bucky’s face. He couldn’t help but watch the shift closely, the sound of water running nearby and the soft flutter of wings echoing around them with their spotty flashes of random color popping from different places. He watched as Bucky really took in his surroundings, eyes beginning to well up while his fingers tried their best to wipe any tears aside.

“Is this my surprise? You snuck me into a butterfly garden?”

“Hey, they’re very nice and snuck isn’t exactly what I did. I got permission and had to pay some money but it was worth it.”

“Ugh,” Bucky hit him against the chest, peering around carefully, “Stop doing that stuff! I mean this is nice, it’s more than nice it’s just that you shouldn’t pay- ”

Steve watched as he trailed off and was focused on something else entirely before he was slowly taking off a few steps away. 

“Steve. _Steve_! Look at all the butterflies, they’re so beautiful.” 

There were so many to see and Bucky could feel himself getting a little overstimulated from it all, insects and lush plant life around him, turning to see a small little pond filled with large koi fish swimming his way to peer up at him when he approached and all Bucky could do was look back at Steve before leaning against the wooden rail to smile at them, greeting them with wave.

“There’s koi here too! Steve look! Hello fish!” 

Steve stepped in, gently patting Bucky’s lower back to ease him. He could feel that excited trembling energy in him, leaning close to press a kiss to his temple, “I see them. I actually didn’t know there were fish here.” 

“I want them. I want a whole pond of them..one day- ” Bucky paused, turning around against Steve’s hand as he pressed his back against the wood, “Thank you, for this. I love all of it. I thought you were taking me to the planetarium and I was excited but I didn’t even know they had a butterfly garden here I..”

Steve’s brows drew in when Bucky stopped, following his eyes as he caught a Monarch butterfly entering their shared space. It hovered carefully around as it circled them and then made it’s way off somewhere else. Their eyes met again and Bucky smiled.

“Thank you.” 

It was so simple yet Steve felt his heart swell double the size it was already at, leaning in to hug Bucky tightly, “You’re welcome. I hoped you’d like it, I wanted tonight to be special because that’s what you are.”

Slowly drawing back, Bucky’s mouth twitched like he wanted to say something but chose not to, a joke perhaps that he left unclaimed. He instead leaned in and kissed him before the group of curious friendly fish. 

He wrapped his arms around his neck and Steve held him close. Bucky was warm, the taste of chocolate and delicate hazelnut still on his tongue from dessert and it seemed to suit him as they stood alone together among all the rampant plant and wildlife. Hands rose up to Bucky’s face deftly as he kept him close, taking liberties for all the kisses he was allowed and really, if this was all he was given he could easily die a happy man.

“I want to give you all this every day Buck. I wanna spoil you.” 

Smiling gratefully, Bucky avoided his eyes as he shied away, fingers brushing along the ends of his hair and Steve found his mouth to press another kiss in hopes Bucky understood that he’d wait however long for him to accept that.

The actual visit wasn’t as lengthy as Bucky had been hoping once he had warmed up to the idea of finding all the butterflies and that eagerness calmed a little bit but he understood it was just a favor and that they had to leave these little beings so they could rest in their own ways before the next viewing by the public. He held Steve’s hand while thanking the director and especially cousin Chris who was giving Steve too many shoulder squeezes and smiles like they were having some weird mental conversation Bucky had no clue about. 

They walked together back down the front steps in search of a cab and Steve turned his head, “Did you have fun?”

Bucky leaned close, “Next time I’m gonna be ready for your antics. I feel a little exhausted from being so excited, it’s all coming down now.” 

“So does that mean we have another date in store?” They stopped close to the bottom and Steve turned his way to grasp Bucky’s other hand as they met each other’s eyes.

Beaming, Bucky nodded when he squeezed Steve’s hands, “Yes, I’d love to but, this time we should do sushi so you aren’t dying and I don’t shout out the word dick in the middle of a nice restaurant again.”

Grinning to that, Steve nodded eagerly while pulling in Bucky’s hands to get his arms to come around him, “Sushi sounds better, plus I forgot about everything you taught me so you can teach me again and we can sit on those floor mats in a private room and feed each other.”

Settling against Steve’s solid frame, Bucky nodded after pressing a kiss to his cheek and smiled tenderly, “Now you’re talking.” 

They were only given a few precious seconds for themselves before a taxi was passing by and Steve reacted quick to throw his hand up and whistle loudly for it as he took the last two steps down from the museum to stand at the curb of the sidewalk, Bucky following along.

*****

The ride back to Natasha’s was quiet but not uncomfortable, fingers still laced together while Steve wondered what he could say or what he would want to say. Bucky only stared out the window watching light flakes of snow go by with a permanent small smile on his lips and for Steve that was a win in itself.

Pulling up to the curb, Steve told the cabbie to wait as he stopped Bucky from getting out and slipped away only to jog around the back to his side and open the door for him, extending a hand.

Bucky groaned, taking it as he climbed over a small mound of snow, “You’re terrible.”

“I’m just being me.”

“Yeah, terrible.” But he smiled, the both of them taking the stoop stairs up to the front door.

“Can I kiss you?” Steve wondered, suddenly looking nervous.

Brows went up, “Oh, you’re asking me now?”

Nodding, he shrugged a little, “Well yeah, help a guy out would ya? I had something on my mind and I need some courage.” 

Shaking his head, Bucky pulled Steve closer as he leaned in and pressed their lips together. It was soft and sweet, a barely there touch to even register as a kiss but it made Steve smile nonetheless, feeling Bucky’s fingers wrap around the front of his coat to keep him from pulling back and it was nice, this was always nice. 

Bucky raised a hand, cupping the back of Steve’s head adoringly, fingers slipping into strands of dirty blond hair and felt him instantly melt into his touch. It left Bucky a little amazed at the admission, a little humbled that Steve was so gentle and swayed by barely a touch by him. So big and headstrong, poised to take lead but here he was pliant and amenable under his caress. It was different, things were so different with this new view of things and Bucky felt he was still reeling from it all.

He moved in closer, capturing lips again and it was more wanting and selfish but still laced in the affection he had for him. Steve parted his lips like he knew what was wanted and Bucky took advantage, licking into his mouth and tasting mint on his tongue from the candy in his pocket he had found earlier mixed with just the taste of Steve himself. His hand loosening from around his coat to draw his fingers down one pec through layers and yet the blond still shivered against his mouth, Steve tucking his hand at Bucky’s waist, firmly holding him in place while his other cupped his jaw as if he was made of glass. 

Bucky himself couldn’t keep hand from roaming along all over Steve's stomach and ribs, creeping back up to _maybe_ give his pec a squeeze while he was there and feeling out the beat of his heart quickening beneath his fingertips. Steve’s hand tightened at Bucky’s hip and his mouth broke away, planting kisses along his jaw and down his neck, nudging a little to gain more access seconds before he sucked the tender skin there and Bucky whimpered softly as he worried the spot to form another bruise.

Briefly Bucky slipped, losing himself momentarily to wild abandonment and the knowledge that he was driving Steve mad simply because it was him and him alone. His hand was tangled in Steve’s hair, messing up that neat sweep of it and it didn’t matter anymore as he was pressed against the door and Steve grabbed a hold of his hips so hard that it hurt a little, his mouth hot and busy making more marks.

Snapping out of it, though unhappily, Bucky firmly pushed at Steve’s shoulder while at the same time trying to stop his own heavy breathing, “Steve, off. Now, stop it.” 

Steve himself looked flustered and debauched despite the fact that they were merely kissing and enjoying being so close to one another. It kind of made Bucky giddy thinking about it that way, reaching his hand out to fix the slightly weird bedhead looking ‘do he was sporting while he tried blinking out of his own daze.

“Shit. Sorry, forgot where we were.” Steve confided apologetically.

Bucky fell into his space again when Steve still had his hands on his hips, rubbing the areas soothingly and pulled him close, enough to _feel_ how his date was reacting and not very shy about it. Steve dropped his head in and pressed kisses along his jaw and he couldn’t help squirming, laughing softly as he pushed him back again.

“Hey quit it.” 

“Sorry you’re just, too tempting Buck.” Steve stole a quick kiss before backing off, “Will you go out with me?” 

Bucky froze. That was the natural process, wasn’t it? And yet here he was suddenly in some kind of surprised stupor because of it. He had been waiting forever for Steve to say that line to him, “I.. _me_?” 

Coming back to reality, Steve’s expression softened and he took his hands, “Yeah, you. I know, it’s a big step so how about you think about it, okay?” 

Nodding immediately, Bucky felt better with a choice to think about it, “I’m sorry though, I know you want me to say yes..”

“It’s fine, really Buck.” 

Bucky was coaxed to look at him and he saw it, an understanding expression that Steve _got it_ and he couldn’t help cupping his cheek and pressing a kiss to his bottom lip. “Thank you, for everything tonight. This was the nicest official date I’ve ever been on.” 

Steve smiled proudly though he looked slightly confused, “Why did you add official?”

“Because,” Bucky squeezed his hands, “You know we’ve been on tons of dates.”

Blushing to that, Steve rubbed his thumbs along the back of Bucky’s hands, “Heh, yeah we have. Funny that.”

“You should go before the cab leaves your ass in the cold.”

Steve grinned, following his gaze to the driver trying not to be obvious that he was watching, immediately picking up a folded newspaper to look at it casually, “I’m pretty sure he was enjoying the show, besides running a meter in a warm car that doesn’t need to drive anywhere is a win-win for him. I think he’s alright.” 

Pulling keys from his pocket, Bucky nodded as he unlocked the door and let himself in, “Well you should get a move on either way, it’s freezing out here.” 

“Yeah, now that I think about it. Was too busy kissing you to notice it before.” Steve brushed a hand over his lips and glanced back, “Night Buck.” 

Giving him a small shy wave, he watched Steve get back into the cab before he closed the door, locking it. He waited for any sounds of movement aside from the tags jingling and Nanook running his way. He kicked off his shoes just before paws hit the back of his legs and he turned just to be bombarded by endless fluffy fur and licks to his face. 

“Hi you! Aww, I missed you too.” 

He ended up sitting at the bottom step as Nanook whined, pressing a paw on Bucky’s shoulder, tongue getting at his face and rubbing his muzzle into his hair. Bucky laughed, pushing him down a little, “Hey, messing up my hair more than Steve did!” 

The mere mention of his name made Bucky’s chest bloom with warmth, a smile spreading wide across his face and he leaned in to hug his dog tighter. “Did you know he took me to a butterfly garden after hours? It was so sweet of him and beautiful, I can’t believe he thought of that. I mean he’s thoughtful of me but that was just extra sweet, you know?” 

Nanook tilted his head, ears perking up as he stared at Bucky for a long moment before leaning in to lick his chin. Bucky shook his head, wiping at it just as his phone chimed and he dug it out of his pocket to see a text sent from Steve.

He glanced up the stairs to see if Clint or Natasha was awake but there was no sound of movement and the bedroom light was off, hand petting Nanook’s head he raised a finger to his lips, “No more noises, let’s get some sleep, alright? 

They skulked together up to his bedroom and Bucky quickly changed before jumping onto the bed with his phone in hand to finally open the message.

_**Stevie:**_ I just wanted to say goodnight again before you fell asleep. I’m almost home and I can’t stop thinking about you, which I really hope isn’t super weird or creepy. I’m just glad you enjoyed yourself, hopefully we can do it again really soon.

Bucky smiled at the text, a kiss emoji finishing off his message and he felt overwhelmed with giddiness and affection. The thought of being Steve’s boyfriend came back to him while he slipped his legs under the covers and Nanook wiggled himself in with them, head popping out to press against Bucky’s hip asking for pets. He automatically reached out and brushed his hand along fur, chewing away at his lip.

“I’m scared Noonoo, what if this all blows up in my face?”

Paws pressed up against his thigh as Nook tilted his head to peer up his way, eyes expressing some level of concern Bucky always saw when he was thinking too much and not realizing it. He took the expression as advice and decided to worry about that tomorrow. He sent a text with a kiss back and turned his phone off. Maybe it was vague of him but he just wanted to unwind and sleep, talking with Steve wouldn’t encourage that despite missing arms around him keeping him warm and safe. He actually missed that, he missed Steve.

Sighing, he got himself situated and rolled to his side so he could comfortably drape an arm around Nanook. All he wanted in life was to be happy without any issues behind how he got that happiness and it felt like he constantly had to jump through hoops just to get bits of it.

*****

Bucky sighed loudly staring back at his reflection against the tinted window. He managed to escape Natasha and Clint without too much of a mountain of questions on what he’ll decide or do. He was just really overwhelmed at the prospect the next morning, especially when he was asked to relay his whole date experience. He knew he had to too because as casual as they were, he knew they worried. He mentioned Steve asking him and it was just hitting me much more harder than it should have and the more thought he put into it, the scarier it seemed.

It wasn’t like Bucky wanted to say no, it was just that having various issues stacked against them made it complicated. There was more than Steve and Bucky, there was his personal problems, his parents, what he was going to do. Steve was soaring, his art was selling slow but it was selling and as time went on more and more people were tuning in. He was going to have another show in a few months and he knew it would be less art people that didn’t know him and more people actually respecting his work. That meant possible exhibit tours and just uprooting all together. What if he wanted to leave and Bucky didn’t? Bucky _couldn’t_. There was also his insecurities telling him over and over again he could never compare to Tony and the way Steve loved him despite breaking up. 

He glanced at his phone going off before hitting the red button and slipping it back into his pocket, “I’m going to mess things up. I know it.”

Johnny came up beside him leaning his shoulder in against the glass, a patient smile along his lips, “No, it’s not really possible to mess it up. He’s in love with you Buck, he’s been in love with you practically forever. I swear, that and you can’t keep ignoring his calls. He’s going to worry.” 

That only made Bucky nervous, he was either going to mess it up or he was going to disappoint Steve. Either way he was going to do more harm than good, it was what he was built for. He was born under a bad moon, he was doused in shit luck. _He knew_. 

Making a noise with his tongue, Johnny gently took his shoulders, shifting so that they were both facing each other, “Steve cares about you and there’s nothing about you he thinks is bad. Everything about you is perfect to him, believe me I know and I can see why he thinks that. You know I can, _intimately_. So listen and hear out what I gotta say, it’s not just some mumbo jumbo Sweets, it’s the damn truth. Didn’t you say your date was nice?”

Drawing in a deep breath, Bucky let his eyes close as he rested his forehead against Jo’s, bumping noses lightly as he gripped at his friend’s arms, “It was more than nice, it was _perfect_. He took a gamble and took me to a nice cozy restaurant with this weird hearthen tavern style European thing going for it that I absolutely loved and the food was homely and so good. Then he took me to a butterfly garden when it was closed. Jo he took me to a _butterfly garden_. It was so romantic and sweet and I just couldn’t..”

Johnny smirked, “You totally banged him, didn’t you?”

Huffing out in offense, Bucky straightened up, “I did not. Which is another thing, he’s so handsy but in a gentleman kind of way, he touches me and,” He sighed dreamily, “Kisses me but he won’t do anything else because I panicked when we first kissed. I got freaked out but we can just kiss and I feel like he’s alright with that.”

“Yeah,” Johnny agreed, “Because it’s you. He’s going to do anything you want to do, he’s so gentle with you Buck. He adores the shit out of you so remind me why you think you’re going to mess it up again?”

Staring up at the ceiling as he slipped away from Johnny’s arms, Bucky turned to pace along the wall of windows, “Because I always mess everything up. I’m a black cat, I’m bad luck. Either someone takes advantage of me, or I’m stupid and fuck it all up. You know he asked me to be his boyfriend and I just froze. I froze! I’ve been waiting for that since high school and now I just feel so scared! Mama doesn’t like him, she loathes him and she’s gonna hurt him. I can’t let her do that.” 

Johnny moved in closer as Bucky turned to look at him with almost pleading eyes, “Everything is stacking against us.” 

“Firstly, you love black cats. You’re the sworn protector of all black kitties so get out with that bad luck voodoo. Second, Buck I know you love your mom, you’d do anything to make her happy but this,” He took his hands carefully, “You can’t let her decide this for you alright? Steve makes you happy and you deserve happiness. _All_ the happiness. You light up like a Christmas tree when he’s around, he’s good for you and I really believe that you’re good for him.” 

Peering up at him in wonder of how that was even possible, Jo could only break out in a smile as he nodded to him, “Yeah, I mean that. You are.” 

Shaking his head at him, Bucky reached into his pocket for his phone as it vibrated again, checking something before he tilted his head towards the doorway, “I gotta get going, Brock’s here. Are you sure you don’t wanna come with?”

Breaking out in a grin, Johnny shrugged as he side eyed his friend, “I can’t, I’m..expecting someone.” 

Eyes going wide, Bucky smirked, “Oh my God, who?” 

Playing coy, he shrugged, “Just someone.”

“Tell me!” 

“A mutual friend of ours.”

“Named..?” 

Johnny walked over to pick up Bucky’s coat, holding it open for him to slip into, “Kyle’s coming over after he finishes off some work for a new account they just got. Supposed to be big and shiny and new, I told him I think he needed to unwind a little. Nice choice in guys Buck, he’s sharp.” 

Buttoning up his coat, Bucky turned to him, “I’m so glad my sloppy seconds found each other and are putting themselves to good use.”

Bursting out in a laugh, Johnny shoved him lightly, “Hey!” 

Bucky shook his head and smiled, leaning in to give Jo a quick friendly peck on his lips, “You know I’m kidding. Kyle’s great, he’s a really sweet guy. I’m happy you two are hanging out, as you call it. Both your stamina’s are gonna get a work out.” 

Johnny watched him head for the door, giving his butt a smack and musing over Bucky’s little jump, “Don’t get into trouble you self destructive little brat. I know what you’re up to and it’s not going to work. You’re going to hurt Steve doing that and maybe that’s the point but it’s not right and you don’t really wanna do it.”

Turning around in the hall before the elevator, Bucky raised his brows, “I’m honestly not sure if I can let him in just to have him suddenly decide this is too much and he breaks my heart either, Jo. I’d rather leave than be left.” 

“Fine, that’s fine. You know I think it’s wrong for you to decide that for the both of you but finding someone to have sex with to brush him off isn’t right and you _know_ that. You’ve had it happen to you and it hurts. Don’t destroy the one best thing in your life Buck.” 

Bucky hesitated, his phone going off again and he awkwardly thumbed the elevator, “I..bye Jo.” 

Nodding to him in resignation, he folded his arms across his chest as he watched Bucky step inside, “Be safe, everything’s still a mess out there.”

*****

Steve pushed on through past the front door and around people standing about loitering in the entry way trying to avoid the cold but also get out of the stuffy heat of the home and numerous bodies. It was like any other house party he attended, people spread all over the place in every room and it was going to take a little bit of time to find Bucky.

At first he thought Johnny was mixed up when he called him, there was no way Bucky would do that, be so irrational that the best option for him was to destroy what they had, but then the more he thought about it, the more it twisted into actual logic. It made more sense when he called Natasha to ask her if he was there and she hesitated when she realized Bucky had lied. 

Of course Brock was in the equation despite not knowing if he was in on the plan, either way he got an address and raced to get there as quickly as he could especially since Buck wasn’t answering his phone. It was the main reason he was so scared, not because he was fearful of something happening to Bucky but more that Bucky would do something very stupid, that he was capable of destroying their relationship so that his insecurities were right. He wasn’t going to let him sabotage something he knew was just as important to Bucky as it was to him. 

Searching all over the living room and through the dining area, focused manly around the groups dancing, Steve found nothing. On his way to swing through the kitchen though he saw Dylan with a crowd of his own friends and Steve’s worry _worsened_ , the thought crossing his mind that Bucky may end up trying to break them apart using that piece of shit to do it because it got to him so badly about being afraid to ask for happiness. He knew there was always the possibility that Bucky would be at the same parties as that guy but just seeing him was setting something off in him that was so raw. His determination strengthened, looking into some side rooms before rounding into the main hall where he caught Brock walking in his direction for the kitchen, their gaze meeting.

Steve stepped towards him, hopeful that his expression read right, “Do you know where Buck is?”

Brock frowned his way, “He’s a big boy Rogers, he’s ‘round ‘ere somewheres. Can’t keep a leash on ‘im yanno.” 

Opening his mouth to explain, Steve wasn’t entirely sure it would make sense despite knowing the reason Brock only got together with Jack now was because he at first tried running away from him. Still, he had no time, backing out from the hall to take the stairs up, a whole large cluster of rooms awaiting him that he had to check into in hopes nothing was going on in them that involved Bucky. 

It wasn’t a bedroom he found Bucky in though, it was the second sitting area upstairs that held him. He was holding a solo cup in hand and definitely not fighting off the advances of someone leaning in way too close to say something in his ear, a hand reaching over to rest at Bucky’s hip.

Steve sighed unhappily under his breath, “C’mon Buck..”

Despite knowing what he was doing and why, attempting some greater good, it still hurt him that Bucky was stuck in his head that much. It still made him feel insubstantial when all he had been trying to do was win Bucky over and that was the irrational fire that lit up inside of him realizing he was across the room and before them in seconds.

“What the hell are you doing?”

The shock across Bucky’s face was evident before he shifted to defensive, “What do you _think_ I’m doing, Rogers?”

Steve bit back some words, turning his head to stare down the other guy, “Something you shouldn’t. Get lost, he doesn’t want this.” 

The other male floundered, immediately stepping back a little from Steve, “Dude, I was just talking to him.”

“Hey!” Bucky hit his chest firmly trying to gain his attention again, “Don’t tell me what I want or don’t want!”

Snapping his head back towards Bucky, Steve shook his head, “You don’t want this Buck, I know you don’t.”

Something in Bucky’s eyes softened, “Steve, go home.”

“Yeah _Steve_ or whatever the hell your name is, get lost.”

“Shut the fuck up, don’t talk to him like that.” Bucky shot out, narrowing his eyes at his company and the guy raised his hands in frustrated surrender taking a quick exit.

There was a small chance Bucky would listen and Steve took it, “Let me take you home Buck, please.”

Shaking his head Bucky frowned, “I can’t. I don’t really want to either. I’m a mess Steve, you outta know that. You could find- ”

He cut him off by wrenching Bucky’s forearm with a sharp shake, “Don’t even end that line with what I think you’re gonna say because I don’t want anyone else but you. Why are you doing this? Why can’t you just accept _us_? Friends or a couple, it doesn't matter to me but don't just step all over it like it has no meaning.” 

Bucky chewed at his lip as he stared at him fretfully, Steve’s fingers clutched at his arm and held him with desperation though it wasn't to hurt him. Mostly it was Steve's whole reaction made him feel so bad and unhappy.

“I’m taking you home, I hope you can let me do that.” Steve’s voice softened, dejected and sad.

Bucky let Steve escort him down the stairs, he had no plans to leave but walked voluntarily with him up until they stepped outside. They started winding around to the side of the house when Bucky finally stopped walking and Steve froze when he received resistance. 

“Buck, I- ”

Bucky looked at him sternly, “No. I only came out here because it’s more private than in there and people may get the wrong idea, _Brock_ will get the wrong idea. I’m staying because I want to spend some time with him, you need to go home Steve. I wasn’t going to sleep with that guy but I just, I’m overwhelmed with all this. The date, you being there and so much goodness. I’m freaking out.” 

Steve winced, “If this is about me asking you to be my boyfriend, I’m sorry. I just, I really care about you. I don’t care about the consequences or if you think it’s a bad idea because I _know_ you want to be with me as much as I do with you but you won’t be happy if you keep fighting me about being allowed to have this. You can have this Bucky, you won’t ruin it. I promise.”

Shaking his head, Bucky looked at him challengingly, “How can you be so damn sure huh? I got problems, I got real shitty problems I try to ignore every damn single day because I’m told I’m making it up by my own family, the same family who will _destroy_ you if they want to. Do you know how many people have crossed my parents paths and ended up not able to find decent work again because they did something to piss them off? I love them, I love them so much but they will ruin you and I can’t stand there letting it happen ignorantly with my head stuck in the clouds.”

Breathing in deeply, Steve blinked back the glassiness in his eyes, “I don’t care if I live in Jersey renting out some shit bachelor and I work at a fast food restaurant, all I want is you.” 

Shaking his head ruefully, Bucky stared at him, “You _will_ care later, I don’t want you getting hurt.” 

Steve stepped into his space, hands lovingly cupping cheeks and caressing skin, “Nothing’s gonna hurt more than losing you. I lost ma, I can’t lose you too.” 

Bucky stared at him, dumbfounded. His heartbeat raced faster inside his chest, eyes cast down to the gravel and snow beneath his feet. He refused to raise his head when Steve tried to get him to look back up again, fingers stroking his face softly. 

“Bucky..”

“Don’t hold me up beside your ma, I don’t compare to her. I never will. I’m a train wreck Steve. You know that.”

Steve frowned, Bucky’s voice was so small then, so damn timid. He wanted to take that sound away, make him feel bigger than he sounded. 

“I like train wrecks, my whole life is an unplanned train wreck. I specifically planned everything in my life, and all I got was the opposite. The best thing I got was you though.” Steve gently moved Bucky’s head to look at him, not needing too much coaxing to get him to lift his eyes for him, those gorgeous grey blues that changed with his moods. They were such a dark blue right now, Steve felt like he could drown in them and if Bucky asked him, he would. “Besides, if I really thought you were a train wreck, I wouldn’t have kept coming after you.” 

Bucky looked sullen, Steve wanting to lean in and just kiss his sadness away. 

“Are you hearing me Buck?”

The brunette nodded slowly, “Calling me the best thing in your life like Tony hasn’t been in it ever.”

Steve laughed softly, fond and so full of affection, his brows dropping slightly, “You sound a little jealous.”

“Maybe I am.”

“You know I’m completely done with him, right?”

“Yeah.”

“You still believe I would pick Tony?”

“I’ve seen the way you look at him..”

Pain hit Steve’s chest, knowing full well what he meant. _You will never look at me like that._

He let out a sigh. If only Bucky knew how Steve looked at him. Of course you couldn’t tell that to him, he would never believe him.

“Bucky. It was always you, like I said before. I don’t love Tony. I cared for him a lot. I only stayed for as long as I did because I thought about it the wrong way. I fucked up. Not ‘til you came into my life again did I realize I was wrong thinking he was the only thing I had. We ultimately ended things for you. Do you get that? I thought I knew what love really was when I was with Tony. I read it like every damn thing I’ve heard about it. I realized _it_ wasn’t it. No one can really describe the feelings you get when you really are in love. You just feel them inside of you. It unlocks something and it fucking hurts so much Buck. It hurts like it’s ripping me to pieces from the inside out, it's such a strong feeling because it's close to how I feel when I’m near you all the time but not like I want. Just recently have I been able to kiss you and it’s the most perfect feeling and such a relief to be able to make you smile with them. I’ve fallen completely for this guy that was hanging out my window trying to steal something on a dumb dare. The one in my art class. The one that told Brock to back off when I was a weak kid. You are amazing and no one could ever be you. I want to be able to enjoy that all the time in every way. I wanna wake up next to you every morning and thank my lucky stars you’re there.” 

Steve exhaled deeply, breath fogging into the cold night air, “Bucky, please. Just give me some consideration without all the negatives. Ignore them for a few seconds when you think about if you would want to be with me in a serious relationship.”

Bucky dropped his head, shaking it as he turned to look away, “Believe me when I tell you, I’d only end up breaking your heart be it with disappointment or unhappiness. I’m not who you want to end up with, I’m the guy you settle for. Just look at my average with relationships and I..can’t lose you.”

“You couldn’t lose me Buck, even if you tried. I’m into you way too much for that to happen.” He reached up to cup Bucky’s cheek softly, the tips of his fingers gently stroking his chiseled jaw, “Honest to God.”

Tilting his head in, Bucky pressed a soft kiss to Steve’s lips, “I wanna be with you Stevie. So badly..but I’m scared and I’m worried.” 

“Buck, we can be scared together.” 

Closing his eyes, Bucky hugged his arms around Steve’s neck, pressing a soft kiss into his beard, “Go home Stevie, I need to just sit with Brock. Alright?” 

Every fiber of his being wanted to say no, but instead Steve nodded begrudgingly holding him a few seconds longer and indulging in their shared space of perfect peace. He had to let Bucky go to get him back, he knew that, it was just that he hated it. 

Eventually he drew back, sliding his hands down his arms and lacing their fingers together, “Remember what I said about us. Don’t..don’t give up on what we could have together. You deserve to have what you want if this is what you want Buck.” 

Bucky gave his hands a squeeze, nodding as he slipped them away, “I’ll call you. Promise.” 

Trying not to look hurt or unhappy, Steve briskly nodded and began to make his way back towards the street to call a cab. He didn’t want to linger and when he looked back Bucky had returned inside already leaving Steve open with a pang of loneliness already.

What neither of them noticed was that someone else had been watching them through their entire exchange, slipping back into the shadows before they departed and casually returned back inside as a group of smokers headed in that direction.

 

Bucky propped his feet up on the table, Brock’s arm slung around his shoulders as he finished off his beer resting his head on his friend’s shoulder. He peeked at Brock’s phone when he checked a text from Jack and amusement crossed his features when Brock told him he’d be home in a few hours but before midnight.

“Wow, you two just went straight to marriage, didn’t you?”

Rolling his eyes, Brock shoved the phone back into his jeans pocket, “It ain’t like that. Jack’s been feelin’ sore with all the damn snow, the sensation’s been gettin’ into his joints and I told him to stay at my place for the night just so I could help him a little tomorrow. Go easy on our mornin’ work out and give him a rub down before bed.” 

Brow raised, Bucky was delighted in the choice of words, “A sexy rub down?” 

“Will ya quit it? You got what you wanted, now let us do our thing!” 

“Aw,” Bucky hugged his arm tighter, “But Brock, you two are the cutest. I have to watch my babies grow and be happy.”

Rumlow smiled softly, “We ain’t yer babies, you’re _our_ baby.” 

Bucky smiled wider, “My awesome gay dads.” 

Barking out a laugh, Brock pressed a kiss into his hair before he pushed himself up, “I’m gonna go take a leak, watch my beer.” 

Giving him a nod, Bucky picked up one of the shot glasses and hit it back, feeling someone drop down beside him which wasn’t too odd, it was pretty packed the later it became and Bucky turned their way to give them a polite smile. He ended up frowning instead, “The hell are you sitting here for?” 

A sly smile spread across Dylan’s face knowing he hooked Bucky in temporarily at least just from the immediate irate state, “Don’t be like that. I just wanna talk.” 

Making a face, Bucky shook his head, “Talking to you is bad news, go away.” 

Dylan only moved in closer when someone else joined the couch and Bucky was forced to move into Brock’s empty space to get some distance.

“You look nice tonight.”

Turning to glare his way, Bucky sneered, “Brock’ll be here soon, you can tell him how _nice_ I look. He’ll appreciate it. Now get lost if you fancy having your bones in tact.” 

“Aw Buck, I just came to see how you were doing. Have a nice little chitchat, isn’t that what friends do?”

Pressing his lips together in annoyance, Bucky tried to really look at Dylan, tried to really understand what his game was, “But we’re not friends so your logic is flawed.” 

Dylan draped an arm across the back of the couch and Bucky tried to scoot to the edge contemplating taking off or going towards the bathrooms to look for Brock. He felt fingers feel out the seam of his t-shirt and he tensed. It wasn’t until they went off the fabric and against his neck that a boldness snapped into it as he moved sideways, slapping at his hand. 

“Don’t touch me. I swear to God, I’m not in the mood to deal with you right now.” Something occurred to Bucky and he eyed him, “Do you remember Steve? Did you have fun being shoved into that toilet stall and pressed against the bathroom floor that one time? We’re seeing a lot of each other now so he won’t appreciate you touching me, so stop it.” 

Raising his hands to keep them off, Dylan reclined instead, crossing a leg over the other. It was quiet between them and Bucky relaxed a little, looking out for Brock to show up. 

“It’s sweet that you think he’s going to keep you around..” 

“I don’t know what you’re babbling about.”

“Being with Steve, what else? Okay, I admit I was kind of an asshole to you. Happy?”

“You _cheated_ on me, a few times and I took you back. That’s more than an asshole thing.” He fumbled with Brock’s cigarettes trying to reach for one out of the fresh pack all bunched in tight together. He pushed them aside, already affected and frustrated.

“Look I’m sorry Beautiful, I am but do you really think a guy that dated _Tony Stark_ really wants to stick around with you? Face it Buck, you live with your head in the clouds, everyone knows it. This guy, he’s a full time worker, an artist. He still wanted to earn his keep even though he dated a guy that’s a multi-billionaire that works all the time too and you’re just..” 

Bucky snapped his head up, eyeing his ex, “I’m just what Dylan, what?”

“You’re a fun time. You do whatever you want, and you’re free promotion. Look, you know I’m a piece of shit, yeah I did things where I used you. I know we aren’t going to get back together so there’s no point in me lying to you but when we were together you were easy to have as a guy who wanted to do everything for me. You had that excitement, that drive to push me, get me higher on the ladder and after one time, I realized that. You don’t think it’s only me doing that do you?”

Bucky pursed his lips, “Steve isn’t like that.”

“Because he had a boyfriend who didn’t bother with him until it was convenient and suddenly turned to you for that attention as soon as you got him set up with a show and he’s making mad money? You’re a golden goose sweetheart, whether you like it or not. I don’t blame you but that’s what you do, it’s what you like doing. People gotta take advantage, take the chance but watch yourself. He’s going to go back to what he knows. He has an order I bet; his dream job, the marriage, the kids with the cat and dog and the white picket fence. Everything. You’re a wild lil spark who's helping him get what he wants. It won’t last, I’m calling it right now.”

All Bucky could taste was a bitterness in his mouth, “Because you can relate.”

“I can actually,” Dylan smiled, “I left you remember?”

Heat gathered around Bucky’s face, “ _I_ left you.”

“Yeah, _after_ I had enough of the games, when I was ready to leave and pushed you hard enough. If I didn’t you would have forgiven me again because it’s in your nature to forgive, to hope it gets better. You’re a good person.” Dylan leaned again a bit more, head falling back as he stared up at the random flashes of light from the music speaker as he grinned, “You’re a perfect little distraction Baby. Your Steve knows that all too well, soon enough he’s going to get bored and want to be with someone who knows what they want, can take control. You’re sweet but it’s your downfall, maybe you can be aggressive in the bedroom but he’ll want more later. Trust me on that. I just don’t want you getting hurt is all.”

Rationally Bucky’s head was telling him not to listen but his emotions were already taking the words in and twisting them around his heart like an expert noose. He was physically feeling it weigh down on him and he couldn’t hide the insecurity taking hold of him. His eyes danced along his legs, hands clasped together and wanting to get away from him but he didn’t know what to do and he only sat there staring at nothing while the music began to give him a headache, every pulse and beat banging into his skull. 

“The fuck are you doin’ sittin’ ‘ere? Get the fuck away from ‘im!”

Bucky barely batted an eye to Brock grabbing Dylan by the collar of his shirt and throwing him outwards towards people walking by not caring at the ruckus he was causing. He went to follow after him but Bucky lifted his hand, slipping it around Rumlow’s wrist and he stopped, turning to Bucky and seeing the damage was already done. 

Brock ignored every instinct to go break bones and sat himself down beside him, “You okay Kiddo? Want me to take you home?”

Bucky couldn’t break down here, around so many strangers but he wanted to so badly especially in the safety of Brock’s presence ready to strike and lash out at anyone even giving him a second look for it. He swallowed down the lump sitting there in his throat and forced himself to nod instead.

He felt arms guide him outside, numb to everything around him and things became a blur, blinking back tears despite knowing they were just words in an attempt to upset him, they still hurt him anyway.

As they waited for the cab to arrive, Brock noticed Bucky seemed to have disappeared into himself, standing silent and staring off at nothing. He hated when he did that, pressing a hand against his back to give it a rub, “What’d that piece of shit say to you?” 

Bucky shook his head and said nothing.

“Look,” Brock licked his lips as he rubbed his hand against the side of his pants in thought, not the best person for saying things that sounded remotely comforting “What he said, whatever it was, it ain’t true. You know that, he jus does shit to upset you because he’s unhappy he ain’t able to control you no more.” 

Bucky drew in a small sigh mulling over Steve and the way he wanted to take him home and what Dylan was saying and really, he did know better, that Brock was right about things not being true but it still got to him, bothered him that it was said despite how Steve always treated him and what he knew about him as a person. Dylan just seemed to be the physical embodiment of his internal worries and he hated that so much. 

He drew his head in Brock’s direction just enough to let him know he was addressing him, “He said Steve’s going to use me like he did.” 

Sighing heavily, Brock pulled Bucky in closer to his side as he pressed a small kiss into his hair just as the cab arrived and he was signaling for it. The irony wasn’t lost on him that it had been the same shit he had been spewing out in a vain attempt to keep Bucky from getting hurt but either Rogers was a good actor or he was genuinely reaching for the long haul with him. He may not be completely convinced about his intentions but he knew that stupid dumb look he did and his actions were loud and clear. 

They climbed into the cab and Bucky quietly relayed Brock’s address to the driver, Rumlow gently pressing a hand on the brunette’s shoulder to stop him and forward Steve’s place instead automatically receiving a look of mild surprise. He shrugged, “He ain’t using you Kiddo. Maybe I’m gonna keep worryin’ and agonizin’ that he might end up hurtin’ you but usin’ you? Nah. His hospital bills alone should be makin’ him think twice about you but he don’t care. Now I know you sent ‘im off tonight before that fuck Dylan even said a word, why?” 

Pressing his lips together, Bucky looked away as he pulled at his coat sleeves to slip them over his hands, “Steve wanted me to go home with him because I was being a coward.” 

Brock was always the first one to say Steve was going to use him, and probably leave him. He was very aware of how callous it was to say especially now while Bucky was trying to destroy the one thing he had fought against him for. 

“You ain’t no coward but yer runnin’ away from somethin’ you shouldn’t. Go see ‘im. You’ll feel better than comin’ home with me.” 

“But what if he doesn’t want me there?” 

“Kid, the day he doesn’t want you ‘round is the day I don’t need Jack ‘round no more either.” 

Bucky gave him a long hard look keeping his gaze steady and serious, arms soon coming around his neck to hug him and Brock let himself smile, greedily holding on to that ball of light he loved dearly.

*****

There was no way Steve could go home after what had transpired. He would have ended up doing something dumb and depressing, even if Nanook was there after being dropped off, waiting for him and ready to mope along with him. He stopped at the nearest bar and parked himself at a quiet corner nursing a few and avoiding getting hit on before he forced himself to finally get back, wanting to evade going past a comfortable buzz and hopefully he would fall asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

He tried his best not to think about what Bucky was doing and despite his best efforts to remind himself Bucky wouldn’t have sex with some random person after their conversation, he still pictured images of him being touched by someone else, especially that asshole from the confrontation or worse yet, by Dylan convincing him somehow. He raked a hand over his face when the elevator chimed softly and he headed to the door slipping the key into the lock, barely detecting the movement of someone at the stairwell doors as they walked his way.

“Hi.”

Steve stopped, looking to the side to see Bucky standing awkwardly, fingers gripping at his peacoat sleeves and trying his best not to look away as he worried the bottom of his lip.

Feeling like he was lost in a stupor, Steve could barely think of what to say, “..Hi back.”

Brows slipped upwards, expressive and worried, slowly they relaxed and Bucky could only shake his head, “I’m not..I’m not very good at this. I keep waiting for the pin to drop. I keep wanting to make it easy for you so you can leave me- ”

Steve turned to face him, carefully as he schooled his expression to be as neutral as he could, “I won’t leave you. _I can’t_. Even if you don’t wanna date me, I won’t give up on you Buck.”

He stepped in, closer to Bucky’s space but not inside of it as he was being watched, eyes scanning across Steve’s face like he was looking for something, some sort of lie and hands only gingerly came in to rest just above Bucky’s elbows and a sigh was all Bucky could do before he was in Steve’s space.

“I can’t.” Steve repeated, pressing their foreheads together.

Closing his eyes Bucky barely tilted his head, nose brushing against Steve’s while his hand grabbed a handful of his coat pulling close. It was the only thing Steve waited for before he pressed in and crowded Bucky, lips parted and seeking, breathing in every exhale as he felt fingers sliding into his hair to grip it tight before he kissed him, _they kissed_ just like the first time, deeply and desperately. 

Their bodies hit the wall at some point, Bucky pressed against it as Steve gave him _everything_ , his eyes closed and seeking only the solace that made him feel safe, made him whole and Steve knew because they were made for each other. Nothing else mattered to him as long as Bucky wanted him, kisses eager and hurried, spilling out secrets between them and the love they had because he knew, he just _knew_ Bucky loved him just as much.

They breathed in each other’s air, panting against lips and fingers squeezed at the nape of Steve’s neck, hand cuffed there firmly as if Bucky had no intention of letting go and it made him smile.

“I’m a mess that you don’t want, Stevie.” Another feeble and weak warning with no real threat behind it.

Steve couldn’t think of an appropriate response that he hadn’t already said, instead he only stared back into his eyes and kissed him delicately. He felt like they were both messes in their own ways and all he wanted was to find a way to have it all make sense.

He stubbornly pulled off him and held Bucky’s hand, finally turning the key to lead them both inside. Nanook immediately greeted them and Bucky knelt to really relish in saying hi back, rubbing his fur and nuzzling his face as paws tried to plant around his shoulders snuggling against him. 

Steve opted for some coffee, neither of them seemed too intoxicated but it would be soothing while they got comfortable again. It had been a stressful few days with all that was happening and if it was a big thing for him, it was massive for Bucky to deal with.

He was barely paying attention to what was happening in the sitting area until he suddenly heard the distinct melody of _At Last_ playing and emotions were stirred up within, turning to Bucky coming towards him and he stopped everything. 

“You remember this song?”

Steve smiled, stepping into his space, taking lead like he did at the party while they took solace from the crowd and lingered by the pool. Remembered this song playing and that he realized things that night. 

Bucky felt weirdly nervous when Steve said nothing but then instead he pulled him closer, wrapping an arm around his waist and he was staring at that stubborn sort of intent he had on his face.

Steve’s expression softened and he smiled with a far off look in his eyes, “Yeah, I remember. It was the moment that it hit me.”

Bucky allowed him to take his right hand, trying to hide the shiver of excitement he felt when Steve’s hand resting at his waist smoothly slipped inwards holding him closer, “Hit you?”

Steve didn’t elaborate, instead pulling him in, chest to chest, and they danced together like they did that night by the pool. Bucky pressed in, tucking his nose against Steve’s as they forgot about the world like they always did when they were like this together. 

“This is all I’ve wanted for a long time,” Steve admitted against Bucky’s jaw, breaking the silence that floated between them, “I wanted a lot of things before, Buck. A perfect layout for a perfect life..and then you came back into my life and I realized what I really always wanted was you. Just you in any way, shape or form. If you wanted to be just friends, I would have figured out a way to do that. Whatever you wanted of me, I’d give it to you as long as you stayed with me.” 

Bucky inhaled sharply, the way Steve spoke, the way he thought exactly how he did with his fears of being rejected but needing Steve to be with him always. Fingers slid along Bucky’s back and he arched just enough to translate to Steve he wanted them on his skin, nuzzling his nose lazily.

“I don’t know if I’m worth all this to you, Steve.”

Steve slipped his fingers under the back of Bucky’s shirt taking in how heated his skin was beneath it, face turning just enough to brush a kiss at the corner of his mouth, “You’re worth a lot more than you ever give yourself credit for. You need to understand that and let yourself have things, accept them.”

Leaning into the touch of a hot hand drifting up and along the curve of his back, Bucky inclined his head for a light kiss on awaiting lips even with his brows almost threading together in worry, “Steve- ”

Shaking his head, Steve pulled back but only enough to catch Bucky’s eyes, staring into gentle grey hues that blinked at him in surprise.

“No, don’t say anything that I already know you’re gonna say. I don’t want to hear it because it’s just not true, it’s really not because I’m sorry Bucky, I really am sorry. I’m sorry the person who I think it is ruined love for you, I’m sorry they walked into your life and destroyed so much of you in one swift motion.” Steve slipped his hands away and tucked them under Bucky’s forearms, gripping them firmly but not to hurt him, his face tense and determined, “I’m sorry that person made it so you can’t trust anyone with it anymore and that when you did try you only ended up with someone that hurt you more and that your closest friends don’t trust anyone with it anymore either. I’m sorry that even though it looks like it’s easy for you when they’re on the outside looking in, that it’s actually hard to let someone into your world because you’re just anticipating and waiting for them to abandon you. That a part of you _changed_ because of that one person and now you decide to leave so people don’t leave you. I’m sorry Buck, I’m sorry.”

Bucky shook his head softly, “Steve please, you don’t have to be sorry. You never did any of it.”

“I know,” He whispered lightly, cupping Bucky’s hands into his and pressing them to his own chest, “I know I didn’t but you have to understand how much you deserve love from someone not Nat or Clint, Brock, Jack or even Johnny. You deserve someone giving you their all. You deserve their love, their attention, you should be their everything. You deserve the stars and I’d..” He drew in a breath, “I’d give you the moon if I could. I’d give you whatever you wanted, all you’d have to do is just ask.”

Bucky’s lips curved downwards, features pained, “Steve..”

Shaking his head to get him to stop again, Steve only smiled and went on, “I wanna make you smile, I always want to. Just for you, just making you happy and keeping that expression on your face. It belongs there and I wanna be part of the reason it stays.”

He felt a little nervous in his moment of emphasis on how Bucky deserved happiness. It was so important that he knew that, that he understood and it was a slow process when he forgot every single time because it was destroyed by abuse and trauma. 

They stood in a quiet delay, the song over a little bit ago and playing something else, Steve knowing he had been repeating himself over and over again the past couple of days ever since he was given the go ahead to be honest, well as honest as he could be without slipping in that he was in love with Bucky. His admissions were pretty damn close enough either way. He quietly focused on Bucky staring off blankly, listening but not saying anything and he didn’t really blame him. 

“You do make me want to smile.” Bucky finally whispered, blinking slowly as he picked at the seam of his shirt. 

Steve pulled him down so they could both sit together and he could wrap his arms around him, keep him safe. He slipped a hand into his hair and they found each other’s mouths again, sharing a small discreet kiss together. 

“I think,” Steve mumbled against soft lips trying to balance out the wonders of talking without stopping their kisses and managing to find some spaces, “When it gets warmer I wanna take you camping, somewhere away from all the light pollution. We can lay out and you can tell me every story you have about the stars because your face lights up when you talk about them. I could stare for hours, and together we can study up on the ones you don’t.”

Bucky blushed, shyly smiling more as Steve fawned over him and it was weird but also amazing, laughing a little in awe of how sweet he was and adorable with him. Always a positive beacon, so encouraging to him. It made him feel weightless and stronger than he perceived for himself. A kind of bliss that came from being around Steve, his lips kissing him like he was the most important person to him and so real he could easily fall into believing that as a solid fact. “I’d like that, very much.”

Steve leaned in to kiss him again, overjoyed at how much he could now as he reveled in it and pulled Bucky close against him, the little bit of pressure pushing him back on the couch with eyes closing while Bucky crawled over him, hands spread across ribs and along his abs before fingers closed in around the lip of his jeans and gripped at his belt.

It was then when Bucky pulled away, flustered and laughing that Steve open his eyes, Nanook interrupting and licking his face as Steve choked back his own laugh, dropping his hand across his forehead. 

“Did I just get cockblocked by the dog? Is that what just happened?” 

Laughing as he pushed Nook down, Bucky hit Steve’s chest lightly pretending to be offended, “I don’t think so.”

Smirking, Steve sat up giving Bucky’s leg a pat, “Time for bed?”

Bucky nodded and they walked together, changing and arranging everything for sleep. Steve pulled him in when he was set, sitting down on his side of the bed while Bucky straddled hips and rested hands against big broad shoulders. 

“Hello.”

His gaze was fond, peaceful as he stared up and Bucky reached out to brush his hair aside, Steve holding him at his lower back. 

“You know I can’t sleep like this Stevie.” 

“Yeah but, just give me a few moments to stare.” 

Bucky’s face burned and he ducked his head only to have Steve tuck fingers under his chin to bring him back and admire him, coaxing him in for a kiss. After giving him one, or three, he wrapped his arms around Steve’s neck to curl around him, feeling beard press against the side of his neck and breathe in the scent of his skin, Bucky squirming slightly.

“You smell soft.”

Burying his face in golden hair, Bucky smiled, “How does one smell soft?”

He felt him shrug as he nuzzled his face in, “You just smell like things people associate with soft, you smell good.” 

“Well thank you.”

Feeling a silent laugh vibrate from out of Steve’s chest, Bucky snuggled closer while one of Steve’s hands grazed under his shirt and skin touched his own, “You feel soft too.”

“Do I now?”

“Mhm,” Steve hummed, sounding almost drunk and lost, “It’s nice.” 

Bucky wasn’t sure if he was amused or enamored by how committed Steve seemed to be in him, he was touched and also charmed over him not hiding himself. It kind of..fascinated him, to say the least, that he hid this level of intensity. Obviously not entirely because like Bucky assumed, he was bleeding his feelings out in his own way, Steve obviously was too and he could see how awkward moments could be. It made sensing how he really seemed to feel that much more substantial.

He was lost in his head when Steve nudged at his hip gingerly, “Come on, bedtime.”

They both climbed in under the thick duvet together and Bucky turned to lay on his side with his back to Steve who easily tucked himself up behind him, wrapping an arm around Bucky’s stomach to pull him so he was snug against his chest. Steve ran the tip of his nose lazily up and down the back of Bucky’s neck feeling him shiver under his hold and he pressed a light kiss at the nape before everything was quiet. Sleep drew them both in easily, allowing it to settle upon their heads and quickly they had drifted before it even occurred to them that it happened.

*****

Steve had woken up laid out on his back, his arm curled up behind Bucky’s head who was tucked against him, partially draping over Steve’s side. He reached the backs of his fingers along his cheek watching Bucky’s face scrunch in mid-sleep and he leaned in towards his face, noses bumping softly as their lips brushed together. Watching a smile creep in, Bucky’s hand had been resting against his chest, fist closing in around the fabric of his t-shirt.

“Morning.”

Bucky kept his eyes closed, “We shouldn’t kiss, I have morning breath.”

“But you’re warm like this, beautiful too. It’s hard not to.” Steve whispered against lips, other arm tucking at his lower back to keep him close, not wanting to let him go.

Bucky nuzzled the side of his nose against Steve’s, “You always make me warm.”

He kissed him and Steve followed, sharing each other under covers of protection and affection, lazy lips soft and tingling, moistened by the light flick of tongues, they were safe together like this coccooned in each other where nothing else existed.

Bucky felt so right then, so cherished and secure. It was all Steve’s doing, large hands gliding slow along his body with their shared kisses. There was no need for anything hurried or urgent, Bucky pulling the blanket partially over their heads to block some of the bright snow reflecting in as he shifted to lay under Steve and stroke strands of sunshine.

They withdrew to rest foreheads together and Bucky nuzzled him affectionately staring into sea blue eyes that held so many things Bucky was a little scared to know, “You make everything quiet. You know that?”

Trying to regulate his breathing, Steve smiled, “Yeah?”

Smiling wider, Bucky nodded as he tugged his shirt in emphasis despite being close already, “Yes..and to the other question, yes Steve. I will.”

Bucky watched those same eyes grow confused and panicked for a split second, worry washing over them that he forgot something he said until realization dawned and everything calmed that frantic sea, “Really?”

Biting at his lip, Bucky nodded, dropping his head back against the pillows to really stare up at that amazed expression on his face, “I’d like to be your boyfriend if you’ll still have me.”

“Fuck yeah I will.” He blurted out, laughing at his own outburst as he wrapped his arms around tight, pulling Bucky tight against his frame. “God Buck, never..I’d never not want to be with you. I just, you mean it?”

Giggling as he stroked Steve’s hair, he nodded and felt more sure of it the more he thought about it and admitted it out loud. It was right despite everything that wanted to destroy their relationship. He wanted to be with Steve because Steve made him happy and Steve wanted the same, isn’t that what he had always wanted? What everyone told him he deserved? 

It was about time Bucky tried to take the first steps to get himself to believe that.

*****

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The art was done by the awesome [Kayaczek](http://kayaczek.tumblr.com/)! She chose to do the ice cream shop part where they waited in line because neck kisses are awesome and I can whole-heartedly agree! :) And I figured I would add something as a fun little treat as this is the last chapter for the year and I'm heading into vacation mode for about 2.5 weeks so there may be a chapter at the tail end of January but it all depends on if I write while out of town. Sorry about that D:  
> But, I do wish you all a Happy Holidays and New Years, I have a Stucky I need to edit for Christmas and of course Hydra Husbands in the wings so if you like, keep an eye out for those. :) (Also a HH extra or two will coming out following this chapter. :D)


	36. It’s the way you look at me.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve knows he’s not a cure-all but he sure as hell wants to be as they start their path together in a new light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Chapter 36.pic/gif](http://kalika999.tumblr.com/post/171308554660/hunger-of-the-pine-chapter-36-steve-knows-hes)

**Early March, 2016**  
  


Bucky wandered out of Dr. Potts’ office fixing the straps of his backpack a few times as he peered cautiously across both ways of the sidewalk before moving towards the street to hail a cab. He palmed his hair back from his eyes contemplating their session navigating the highs and lows of all that happened the past week. He found a taxi rather quickly and climbed into the back, scrolling through his phone to reveal an address before he went back to thinking about how excited he was to tell her about his brand new shiny relationship with Steve and how terrified he was of its downfall.

In the back of his mind he was fully aware that he was allowed to step back and away from that if he chose to, that Steve would understand but he told Dr. Potts about how he was still worried about upsetting him. Bucky tried taking Dr. Potts’ advice in kind that he had to put a little faith and trust in Steve if he wanted their relationship to work; he knew that she was right in that but it was just stuck to him with that small little voice in his head that told him Steve was going to hurt him, probably unintentionally but that it would probably happen.

The conversation led to Alexander and that was something Bucky _really_ didn’t want to talk about. He knew it was good to let something about them out, even if it was minor, apparent to everyone that there was no chance he was going to be able to deal with it the way he had been trying the last couple of years. This time it was off though, speaking about how heavily he was manipulated into doing his bidding and convinced he was the one that was mistaken when issues came up. Bucky was so sure he was useless to the point of secretly contemplating if he was mentally disabled and everyone was just humoring him that he was not while being with Alex. He was too scared to ask anyone for the truth, afraid of the answer but also alarmed over how he could think that about himself. He told Pepper that there was no shortage of fears that he was not good enough to be in Alex’s company, that he was paranoid for no reason and jumping to conclusions and she only nodded his way.

“That’s because he wanted you to feel like that. Control you. It’s good that you have a certain grasp of that now.” She had said and Bucky sighed lightly, nodding to her. 

_Now_ was the operative word. At the time though, he was definitely stupid.

Buildings rushed past him as he tried to push away his thoughts of anything related to the one person he didn’t want to think about anymore today, cramming it in with the other million things that affected him in relation to that dirtbag. His hand twitched against his leg, fingers searched for fur, his face tilting automatically in a need to hide against Steve’s neck where he liked to feel safe and the cold realization that he had neither at the time made him curl deeper into the folds of his winter coat.

Arriving at the medical building, he made his way inside to read the directory of floors and lingered around the entrance waiting for Natasha to arrive. He busied himself on his phone until that sensation of familiarity hit him and he glanced up to see her making her way along the walkway from the parking lot, a long open coat and heavy sweater covering up any sign she even had a minor bump of any kind. 

Bucky moved in front of the doors, pushing it open for her, “Looking forward to this?”

She smiled, wrapping her arms around his neck, “I just want to know they’re healthy and to get the pictures so mama and papa get off my back about it for a few minutes.” She pressed a kiss to his cheek, “How are you, Kotyonok?”

He grinned, giving her a hug back and a kiss, “I’m okay, talked about stuff at the appointment but should be alright. I’m more excited right now! How are you feeling?”

Natasha furrowed her brows as they both made their way to the elevators, “Tired. I almost didn’t want to get out of bed this morning.”

“I can relate.” 

Once on the correct floor, Bucky sat himself down on one of the uncomfortable looking chairs and waited as Natasha checked herself in. He sent Clint a text of their status and glanced up as he waited for a reply, Natasha joining him and while she looked like a picture of calm he suddenly felt like throwing up. Bucky wasn’t sure what it was, possibly just the sheer excitement of it all and hoping there were no flags raised.

A nurse soon called for Natasha and they both got up, Bucky dropping a step back to update Clint again who was on standby at work ready to take a break when the appointment really started. 

“Are you nervous?” The kindly nurse asked Natasha as they were gestured to enter an empty examination room.

“Yes.” Bucky blurted out and froze when the two women looked his way. “Oh, you two were talking to each other. Sorry.” 

Natasha playfully squeezed his arm before turning back to the lady, “I think I’m just ready to get this over with.” 

The nurse nodded and smiled, “I know that feeling. Well, just get comfortable and the doctor will be with you in a few minutes. You probably want to take your sweater off if you have something underneath so it’s easier for you.” 

Once she left, Natasha handed Bucky her phone and he set himself up with one phone to have Clint on the line and the other recorded the whole event. Her doctor arrived just as she set her sweater aside and had laid out on the examination bed giving Clint a small wave through the screen of the phone and he excitedly waved back, the coffee shop’s inventory on shelves behind him.

Bucky tuned out the various questions the doctor went through with Natasha and all the inquiries she had and what she still had to be looking out for, what would be good for her to do and she should be doing soon enough as a first time mother. He couldn’t help give her a goofy smile over the phones, her focus on listening to all the advice that was given to her and that spark of excitement hit Bucky again over the thought of a baby coming. He wished it was here already so he could spoil him or her already, lost in daydreams and only startled back to the present when Clint spoke up and the doctor turned to address him as she was standing to prepare for the ultrasound. Once he was satisfied, she proceeded to go through the explanation of what she was about to do and despite a lube joke poking into Bucky’s mind, he kept mum about it.

Soon enough, the doctor put a receiver wand on Natasha’s stomach after applying said gel and the previously black screen lit up with grey and white images. Everyone had fixated on the screen as it formed into a solid shape hiding away.

“And..there you have it. How your baby looks right now.” The woman fell silent and Bucky felt like he was about to faint, even Clint had nothing to say, the entire room surrounded in deafening silence. 

Bucky’s palms felt sweaty and his heartbeat picked up just barely as he broke up in a wide grin and tears reached his eyes the moment he glanced straight on to Natasha and he knew she was attempting to hide her own. 

“By what I can see, your baby looks happy and healthy. They’re developing as expected, nothing seems to be of concern Ms. Romanoff, maybe a slightly bit bigger in size than average but that’s not really a concern.” 

The doctor printed out some images for Natasha and the loud sniffle made Bucky turn the camera with Clint back his way just to see his best friend’s face wet with tears, “Oh Clint, I’d hug you if I could you, big dork.” 

“Do you want to hear the baby’s heartbeat?”

Bucky brightened to the doctor’s question realizing it hadn’t even crossed his mind.

Natasha nodded, weirdly quiet all of a sudden and Bucky moved the phones in closer, handing the one with Clint so she could position it beside her and see his face while they both stared at the screen still showing their baby and Bucky could slip his free hand over to hold hers.

The doctor reached over to the panel beneath the screen and with a flick of the switch they suddenly went quiet again as a strong ongoing thump thump thump of a heartbeat went on, the beat persistent like the sound of a train carrying on. No one had anything to say, not even Clint was reacting, the group of them mystified at the sound and the doctor only smiled towards Natasha.

“The baby sounds like they’re doing well. Heart’s beating at a normal state for them and it looks like we’re definitely going right on schedule.”

Bucky snorted, his awed brain coming back online finally, “Sounds like Natasha’s baby.”

She rolled her eyes at him but smiled as she squeezed his hand. They soon wrapped up the visit and Bucky lingered around the waiting room while Natasha made her next appointment and whatever else she needed to do, joining him quickly after. He stuck his arm out and she immediately looped hers around as he leaned in to press a kiss into her red hair.

“The baby sounds great.”

Natasha mused over the sentence, green eyes slowly shifting to look his way, “I can’t wait for them to meet you, Koto.”

“Believe me,” Bucky sighed happily, “I’m on pins and needles not able to wait until I can meet them either.”

*****

Steve tapped his foot under the table trying to go into sync with the music playing in the diner but he kept going off, repeatedly staring at the door every second it jingled when someone would open it. He didn’t even know why he was nervous meeting up with Bucky, fingers holding onto his straw as he swirled around his half drunk vanilla shake, they had only parted from each other only a few hours ago. Steve went on his usual run dressed warmly while Bucky had half slept and half mumbled to him a sort of mental check list about what to wear to make sure he wasn’t going to freeze his ass off as he hid under a cover of blankets and his dog. Steve crawled beneath it just before leaving and they shared sleepy kisses with long limbs wrapping around him, Bucky sleep drunkenly whining for him not to leave and he was so tempted to cancel on Sam but he was glad he had enough of a backbone to actually go. Bucky finally let go with two minutes to spare before he had to make it to the lobby and later Steve came back to only Nook at home because Bucky had to go meet Natasha where he wasn’t going to be able to take him after Dr. Potts and Steve headed for the shower with plans of meeting at the diner for lunch.

He let go of the straw, knowing he was being stupid about his worries. Worries that Bucky wouldn’t show up because he would be hit with another realization that he couldn’t be with him, that maybe something came up with Dr. Potts that scared him to date. Steve knew Bucky was going to be extra emotional after the ultrasound, which he was excited to see the actual print outs of. Sneaking out his phone, he looked at the pictures sent to him in the text and smiled. They were like any other ultrasound image he’d ever seen but the realization that there was a little baby he was going to meet, one that was going to be in his life more than any of the ones he passed at the park or saw around made this wholly different. He was going to be seeing a lot of this baby and so was Bucky, whose emotions over that baby spilled out onto him with no way to avoid it. Steve was definitely excited by association but he was also excited in his own way, he was happy for Natasha and Clint, they deserved happiness and no one could change his mind on that.

Thoughts about maybe someday in the future perhaps they could have a baby of their own crossed his mind too. Would Bucky think about that? Was he? He wasn’t sure. He knew maybe he saw a baby in his life that was solely his so he wondered if he ever thought of them together having a child or two they could raise and have their little family with. He was aware how dangerous the encroaching thoughts were when he wasn’t even sure when he could tell Bucky his love for him but he couldn’t help the ideas dancing around his head of them in their own home one day settled on the couch together with Nanook at one side and a baby swathed in a blanket sleeping in their arms. Steve knew one day he would like that with Bucky, drawing in a slow careful breath just as the door jingled again to an elderly couple wandering in.

He checked his phone, noting Bucky was almost ten minutes late from their proposed time to meet. It wasn’t a big deal considering but he was still counting, excited to see him again. Angie breezed by and placed a basket of fries down, giving him a playful wink before she was off again with a tray of food. Trust her to know she should just order them before he was even ready to ask, picking one up and blowing on it before taking a small tentative bite trying to avoid scalding his tongue. It felt a little better waiting after that and he had no idea how she was so good at knowing those kind of moments.

He turned his head when the little bell on the door jingled again and this time it was Bucky rushing inside like he was running away from something more than the rain, shaking off his sleeves and turning around in a half circle in partial bewilderment. Running a hand through his damp hair, he wiggled out of his coat and shook off as much water as he could on the front mat, his face flushed, eyes shining. It made Steve think about all the times when he first laid eyes on Bucky and his boyfriend had no idea he was being watched. Everything so eager and effortless, a sweet adorable nature to him and yet he still seemed to give off an unobtainable aura about him. An aura that even Steve believed in, that was until he said yes and they were together officially. He still couldn’t believe Bucky chose him.

Their eyes met and Bucky’s mouth broke out in a wide grin, Steve not able to stop himself from mirroring the expression and realizing that despite what mood he felt before Bucky got here, right then he was elated. He didn’t think he was exaggerating when most of the diner had eyes on Bucky either while he was crossing the room, hips swaying in a saunter that left Steve’s mouth dry just before he had tucked himself into the booth next to him and leaned in for a kiss. 

Steve automatically wrapped an arm around to keep him close, kissing him back with a hum of approval feeling the chill of Bucky being outside tingling against his skin as few drops of water landed against his chest. He really couldn’t care less at the moment, “Hey you.” 

“Hi,” Bucky mumbled against his lips, “You taste good. Sorry I was late.”

“Thank you and you weren’t that late. Besides, I would have waited for you anyway, no matter how long it took.” He leaned in and stole another kiss just so they were even, pressing a light kiss on his nose afterwards and mused the way Bucky crinkled it with a shy grin.

He ducked his head away, tucking his face against Steve’s neck, pushing at his thigh. “Stop making me smile, I can’t stop and it’s embarrassing.” 

Grinning, Steve pressed a kiss on his forehead, “I refuse to and I’m really happy to see you too.” 

They ordered and Bucky refused to move away, not that he could with Steve’s arm staying around his waist and tucked into his jeans pocket. 

Angie made a big deal about their relationship and it was how Bucky smelled like sugar topped blueberries at the moment as Steve nuzzled into his dark hair and Bucky was feeding himself another forkful of pie, topped with too much vanilla ice cream.

“You’re still going to have to eat lunch, Sweetheart.” Steve reminded him, pressing another kiss against his cheek.

Bucky nodded, “I will, this pie is so good though. What was I supposed to do? Free pie means you eat it when it’s served to you otherwise it’s rude.” 

“Yeah, yeah. I’m beginning to think you make up random rules to whatever suits your needs.”

Bucky swallowed down what he had in his mouth before rolling his eyes, “Sure, whatever you say smart guy. Next time someone gives you free pie let me know how that works out for you.”

“You know that pie you’re devouring is also for me, right?”

Shaking his head in denial, the brunette pulled the small plate towards him more, “Ain’t got your name on it.” 

Steve threw his head back and laughed, Angie making her way over with two large plates of food and a pleased smile when she saw most of the pie gone. 

“Well I can see someone enjoyed my pie, even if Steve didn’t.” 

“Maybe if I was offered a bite.” He teased and Bucky pretending to be affronted, struggling to get out of the tight hold he was held in.

“Let go of me, heathen!”

“No way, I got you and now I won’t let you go.”

Huffing out in annoyance, Bucky half struggled before giving up entirely, getting the last bite of pie into his mouth before Steve even thought about eating it, an expression of triumph across his face. 

Angie grinned wider, reaching over to pinch Bucky’s cheek as she made a noise that was almost a squeal of admiration just as she took the dessert plate away, “You two are darn cute, don’t ever stop. Enjoy your food!”

They thanked her and Bucky suddenly made an abrupt noise, retrieving his wallet to get to his printed pictures and show Steve the images he had asked for of the baby. 

“Natasha has a video she can show you later of the visit if you want to see but look, baby!”

Steve brought the copies closer to study them as a fond smile formed across his face, “Those are real nice Buck, thanks for showing me and sending me texts with them.”

Confused, Bucky tucked his wallet back into his pocket as he stole a fry from his plate before him, “Why wouldn’t I?”

Leaning back against the booth’s leather lining, Steve could only shrug for a moment, thinking about it as he watched the other patrons moving about, “I don’t know. It could be considered something private. I didn’t want to interfere.”

Bucky turned his head to look at him head on, “You’re family, Steve. You and Sam are family.” His tone was final, eyes sweeping away when he couldn’t meet with his and Bucky drew in a few breaths as he thought carefully, “I don’t want you to forget that.”

Steve only stared at him a long moment, finding words he could say only in fragments or lingering in his throat. He stayed silent, instead pulling Bucky in tight to his chest and holding him as he let his eyes close. It took only a few seconds for arms to wrap around him in return, a soft sigh escaping by his ear and Steve smiled, tilting his head in to press a kiss against warm perfect skin.

“Thank you,” He said, completely sincere. “For letting me in and giving me a chance.” 

Bucky’s eyes widened, “You- ” He paused with a press of his lips and slipped his hands down to cup at Steve’s face, leaning in to kiss him, careful and adoring and Steve fell into it as he kissed him back, palm pressed firmly to Bucky’s lower back and yeah, there was no way he was going to be able to let him go.

It was when Bucky was halfway through his side and a few bites of his burger, stuffing a handful of fries into his mouth with his eyes affixed on a stream of some gamer he liked to watch on occasion, that Steve glanced over again while they had their lunch. Bucky’s fingers were ambitious but still lost a few of them down on his lap and he watched him duck his head to make a grab, eating those as well. His other hand was deftly undoing more of the paper wrapper around his burger so it was ready to take a bite from when he was back to it.

“God this is good, I can’t get tired of burgers and fries.” He muttered out before taking a bite and Steve only nodded knowing Bucky was about to be on two levels of heaven once he started really working into that part of his meal. 

Steve tried his best to ignore the blatantly loud pleased moans Bucky let out, hitting the leather coated cushion of their seat contently with his head falling back and Steve side eyed him, almost knocking his drink over and off the table. By the time he looked over again, Bucky’s fries were polished off and he had a bite left of his burger.

“Do you even chew?”

Finishing off the last bit before sucking down his shake, grey eyes flashed an annoyed look while Steve still had to unwrap his grilled chicken burger. 

Bucky let out a loud burp, patting his stomach and muttering a small _‘scuse me_ and his boyfriend tried not to smile over it.

It only became a problem when Steve ceased to realize there was ketchup against Bucky’s hand until he didn’t, which Bucky just happened to notice at the same time making a idle small noise at the back of his throat, light and barely there while still fixated on some game being played. Lifting his hand and twisting it so his inner wrist was looking at him, his tongue licked the small red spot just at the side of his pinkie finger. The condiment had already become gummy and stuck to his skin, his lips pressing to the spot and puckered just so to suck it off with no care and Steve looked away flushed and uncomfortable. 

“Can you quit that.”

Pausing in confusion, Bucky finally turned his head, “Quit what?” 

Steve didn’t answer, returning to his burger and it slowly sank in for Bucky as he smiled mischievously, “ _Oh_. Sorry.” 

“No you’re not.” 

Bucky giggled, bumping against his side, “Yeah, but I didn’t mean to.”

Back at the apartment, Steve settled in with something warm to drink and his sketchbook on his lap. Bucky curled up next to him as he tried to find something to watch on television. As he worked it didn’t take long to feel his boyfriend’s head become heavier and Steve took a glance over to find Bucky fast asleep with his head dropped forward. He shifted a little so Bucky was leaned into him instead of awkwardly giving himself a sore neck and he went back to his sketchbook to work.

It was Nanook that alerted him to something being wrong, the dog suddenly lifting his head in abrupt alertness and barely waiting before he was climbing out of his much loved dog bed with eyes affixed to Bucky. Steve watched him carefully, soft sounds of his nose snuffling as he approached the couch and nudged at Bucky’s legs, a paw reaching out to bat at his thigh insistently.

Bucky made a soft sound of distress soon after, startling in his sleep and mumbling something under his breath; Steve rested a hand at his shoulder to lightly rouse him awake, “Buck, wake up. I think you’re having a bad dream.” 

He only seemed to hide within himself more, struggling in some way before sucking in a sharp inhale of air and his eyes opened in surprise. Steve had draped an arm around him, studying Bucky closely, “Buck?”

Blinking blearily, Bucky looked around the room in clear confusion and a hand to the corner of his eye. He realized he had held his breath and began again breathe in quick, jagged patterns until their eyes met and his brows fell with a soft whimper. His face crumpled and he climbed onto Steve’s lap with frightened sob, pressing his face into shoulder.

Steve’s mild worry bloomed quickly into concern, hugging Bucky to his frame as he tried soothing him the best he could, hands running up and down his back and stroking his hair. He pressed a few kisses as he felt the dampness against his shirt spread and Bucky only carried on bawling into his shoulder.

“Hey Buck? Come on now, what’s wrong?” He tried to control the fear tracing his voice not wanting to make things worse, “Please talk to me.” 

Unfortunately Bucky refused to speak in any way possible, only crying louder if it was possible and trying to breathe into the fabric that was attempting to smother him. Steve could hear the fractures of pain Bucky endured and tried to hide with every day of his life, walls temporarily broken and it bled out as much as it possibly could. He tried soothing him again despite not responding to it the first time around and after a little bit he just gave up his efforts to allow Bucky to release the tension he obviously struggled to hold in. Nanook had climbed onto the couch at Bucky’s other side as he watched him dutifully once finding there was no way to fit in between the two of them and Steve could only drape the blanket around Bucky’s shoulders in an attempt to keep him warm and protected while holding him tightly. 

It took a good amount of time before loud sobs turned into soft, broken whimpers fleeting away while the tears gave up trying to come out, nose sniffling a bit and Bucky leaning in more heavily against him. Steve didn’t question the shift, only carrying on with rubbing his back and he was sure Bucky had basically exhausted himself to the point of needing sleep soon even if he possibly wasn’t finished, his body was.

Bucky only stayed that way, face hidden, slim nimble fingers tight around a twist of t-shirt fabric but Steve could feel the rapid beat of his heart, pounding alongside his and they were almost thrumming as one, something Steve took solace in being able to observe since there wasn’t any way Bucky wanted him to help aside from being there with him.

Eventually when Bucky moved, he tried doing it with as much avoidance as possible, Nanook pushed himself up to lick at one cheek and excitedly rub his face into his hair, his boyfriend trying to shy away. Steve watched him, cupping his clammy cheeks and swiping his thumb across dried away tears. Soon grey’s peeked up at him and Steve gave him a small smile, “Don’t get embarrassed, you’re okay.” 

Nodding but still obviously ashamed, Bucky shied away again, shaky hand reaching up to pet through fur and Steve only watched him carefully while resting his hands against hips. 

“Did you have another nightmare?” 

Hesitating, Bucky’s hand stilled before he nodded and turned his head to look down at his other hand, fingers smoothing out against the thighs of his jeans. 

“You don’t have to tell me.” Steve quickly amended, not entirely sure if Bucky was about to check into another bout of selective mutism that Steve found harrowing, “I just got worried and I figured you did.”

Swallowing thickly, Bucky took a few moments to process, “I had another dream about Alex. It was scary because he kept leaning close and trying to touch my shoulder like he did before. It was something he used to do, knew I liked it. I didn’t want him to anymore though so I kept trying to get away from him and you know when you’re aware that you’re dreaming but you can’t wake up? I started to panic because I couldn’t and slowly I was wondering if maybe I was awake, you know?” 

“He finally rested a hand on your shoulder, didn’t he?” Steve asked, mindful of Bucky’s body language. “You seemed to flinch just before you woke up.”

Bucky confirmed it with a slight nod of his head and the questions lingering in Steve’s mind began to come back up again, wanting to ask things but unsure of if he really wanted the details of what happened between them, even in condensed format.

“He’s never coming near you ever again.” He heard himself say instead, gathering Bucky in his arms as close as he could and felt the tightness in his shoulders ease when Bucky seemed to go lax in them with a soft sniffle, head dropping against his shoulder again.

Steve lingered there, thinking of possible ways to soothe Bucky’s state of mind before he pressed his lips together and chewed at them when he had one suggestion.

“Have you ever put a restraining order against Alex? I mean you could for when you fill one out for Ward.”

Bucky stilled, his fingers had been petting Nanook the best he could while held up in arms that refused to release him but Steve saw the way they stopped and he said nothing at first. The air slightly growing uncomfortable before Bucky turned his head just enough to speak.

“I’m not filling out a restraining order. It won’t work. Ward’ll still figure something out especially with Robert and there’s no way he’s going to let me defend myself against Alex without making it look bad. I can’t do that to my parents. Besides, I’m not scared of Ward, I’m afraid of Alex and you don’t know Alex. He won’t follow a court order to stay away from me, he’s his own person. He’s never been one to ask for things. They’re _given_ to him or he will _take_ them, he’s always been that way.” 

And that was a dangerous concept to Steve, a small beam of light shed into a world filled with shadows and darkness that was kept away from him because Bucky wanted it that way. Maybe he assumed it was how it would be, that Alex had the power and persuasion, sure he did but to hear the way Bucky say he had a different set of rules..that was something Steve didn’t accept. He hoped there wasn’t a situation where he had to enforce his stand upon it, Bucky was not an object to own or to be manipulated for someone’s own bidding; he was good and kind, warm and so very soft. He deserved love like everyone did, he deserved to smile. 

He rubbed soothing circles against Bucky’s back, “Have you been telling all this to Dr. Potts?”

“Yeah but,” Bucky suddenly pulled away, easing off the couch and Steve raised his head to watch him in confusion, “I don’t want to talk about Alex or Ward or anyone.” 

The way Bucky moved made Steve suddenly alert, he arced away from him like he was trying to purposefully put distance between them. 

“Buck?” He straightened up and faintly noticed Nanook hop off the couch as he lifted a hand to gesture things were alright, “Sorry, I just figured I would ask since it was bothering you. I don’t want you to bottle it up and- ”

“Stop it, Steve. No more. I don’t feel like talking about it.” 

That will to argue his point stole himself front and center, staring dead on towards Bucky, “Buck, you need help. This pattern of burying it won’t aid you in the long run.” 

Bucky suddenly looked more scared, nervously swallowing as he shook his head adamantly, “I said no! You don’t have a choice in this Steve, I’m not ready!”

Steve could hear the tremor in Bucky’s voice, the crack that was slight but there in the open and he felt like he himself was standing on actual thin ice from it alone. There was only one opening, one chance that would be triggered from one wrong word or move. Steve knew it was important that he heard Bucky was gravely serious when he said no to him, that it wasn’t a game and there was no way he was going to take it as one. There was _so much_ to repair.

The sound of a pained whine distracted Steve to the right of him, Nanook’s ears pulling back slightly as he carefully approached Bucky and Steve only had tried to help, raising his hands up placably as he stood on his feet, “Okay, okay. Whatever you want. I’m sorry.” 

His body shifted towards him, more of a lean than a step but Bucky moved back anyway and Steve stilled, watching arms fold over his chest and pacing as he fretfully turned his back to him. The immediate shift of moods and the crying from earlier hitting him hard all together. 

Steve took another step only to straighten himself out but Nanook diverted his route from vying for Bucky’s attention and stood in his way anyway, posture warning him to stop despite the obvious reluctance in it, paw batting at the floor and circling the space. Steve wasn’t too afraid of the dog actually attacking him to make a point but he was also sure that because he was deeply empathic to Bucky’s emotions, he may consider protecting him as he did when he went for Brock. It was what Steve entrusted the dog to do in the first place, sitting back down on the couch as he sighed to himself.

“Maybe you should go lay down Buck.” 

Keeping his head bowed, there wasn’t any movements for a moment before unsure footsteps took a wide berth around him and he practically ran off, tags and paws running away with him. The moment the door closed, Steve picked up his phone from off the table and called Natasha, he still had a work shift to get to and there was no way he was leaving Bucky here alone like that. 

“Hey Steve.” 

“Hey Nat, would you be able to come over tonight? I know you’re off and I can call someone else if you’re busy but,” He sighed across the mouthpiece, “He’s just having a bad day and I just don’t want to- ”

She understood though and cut him off, “I’ll be over soon Steve, don’t worry.”

He felt insubstantial asking, like he wasn’t enough to make Bucky feel better but he also knew he was pushing, no matter how mildly he did it. No right to when Bucky already looked a little unraveled despite his uplifting mood and maybe, just maybe it was the baby too. He wasn’t sure what Bucky thought about but he was sure he had been deciding on where he should move because he wanted to clean the place he had, Steve just wasn’t sure offering him a space permanently and in all very set seriousness would be something he would want when they just became involved. Bucky had his parents to keep happen and here was Steve, asking him about Alex already.

Natasha was true and prompt to her word, buzzing her in under thirty minutes after his phone call and he unlocked the door for her, dropping into a chair at the kitchen and waiting a bare couple of minutes before she let herself in with an overnight bag slung against her shoulder. She flashed him a quick smile and he gave her one too, not sure if he managed a smile or some level of his mouth straining to look like _something_.

“Are you okay, Steve?” 

He nodded, feeling a little sorry for himself, tongue too heavy to speak and only raised his hand towards the bedroom before pulling himself up again and turning his back on her to go into the fridge, focusing on what he should take for work. When he heard the bedroom door open carefully, it was the only time when he looked up from the food looking back at him and watched her slip inside not closing it fully behind her before it was silent again.

Wasting time before he had to leave, Steve decided against searching for a change of clothes but made some peppermint tea for Natasha after absentmindedly making a cup of black tea and throwing it out. He approached the bedroom door and peeked in just to see Natasha sitting up on his side of the bed while Bucky laid his head on her lap, his back to the door and apparently fast asleep. She was singing something softly in Russian, her fingers gingerly stroking his hair as she rocked with the tune. Nanook curled up alongside the pair of them, Bucky’s hand keeping him close. Lifting her head up, Natasha gave him a smile, tilting her head to invite him to come in.

“I brought you some peppermint tea.” He whispered, setting it down next to her phone.

She gave him a bigger smile, looking down to check and make sure Bucky was still asleep, nails lightly brushing through strands, “Thank you. Leaving for work soon?” 

Steve gave her a nod, carefully sitting down in the chair he had in his room, mindful not to make any unwanted noises.

“He likes this, on his really bad days. It helps him sleep.” She paused, her hand petting soft loose waves, “He doesn’t mean any of it. Getting upset and defensive, it’s just a habit of when he gets scared. You didn’t do anything wrong, Steve.”

Steve smiled gently, nodding to her, “I know he doesn’t, and that he’s not mad at me. I didn’t mean to be intrusive even if it was just a little.” 

“Even so, he knows he has to sooner than later but they are big steps.” 

Agreeing, Steve pulled himself up and headed for the door to get going, “Give me a call if you need anything.” 

She nodded and went back to her lullaby.

*****

Steve awoke on the couch with the sun streaming in across his face and he squinted, remembering how he had forgotten to close them when he got home. There had been no call at work and Natasha waited up for him when he arrived. Steve had come to a decision to give Bucky space for the evening and relegated himself to the couch despite Natasha’s prompts that he could sleep in his own bed. He told her to take his place instead since it was late already and far too cold outside to be spending any amount of time out there.

Now awake, he spent the next few hours trying to concentrate on painting in the living room with the music barely loud enough to hear, ready for if Natasha needed anything. It was so low he could hear small murmurs of Russian echoing down the corridor and the occasional jingle of Nanook’s collar before he came to see what Steve was doing for a few minutes before helping himself to water and collecting one of his favored toys to take to Bucky in a sort of hope it would please him. 

Eventually the day turned into afternoon and a simple sandwich sat in front of him as he tried not to worry too much, absently watching the television play a repeat of a veterinary show Bucky liked to keep track of about an older doctor with a heavy accent. He forgot the name, turning away as Natasha approached and easily moved through the kitchen, opening up one of the cupboards.

“Do you have chicken soup?”

“Maybe?” Steve blinked, trying to remember. “I think there’s big canned chicken and vegetable soups around, or tomato.”

Natasha shook her head, “I need Campbell’s chicken soup, with the egg noodles. No more. No less. I’ll go to the store if you don’t.” 

Realization dawned and Steve turned in his chair, pointing to the higher shelf, “Check that one, I bought a can the last time Buck was sick. Should still be there.” 

He absently had forgotten about Bucky’s pickiness of soups, mostly frowning at them and scrunching his nose adorably but as long as grilled cheese was on the menu, tomato had a fifty percent chance of acceptance and also that when he wasn’t feeling good, any part of that specific chicken soup was allowed..unless he had the flu and just wanted nothing. Trying to have something then was another story altogether. Spoiled, Bucky was definitely spoiled and they were all guilty of it. 

Staring at Natasha looking around while standing on a chair, she finally found it and nodded to herself, the sobering feeling coming back that Bucky also had disordered eating. Not bad enough to be considered an eating disorder, the reverse of the words still pointed out an issue that he really needed to get out of. It wasn’t very healthy for him and later it could be real bad on his body but everything was on its own time schedule and couldn’t be hurried along. Steve just had to establish repeatedly that Bucky was truly welcome to anything and didn’t have to hide or hoard food. Or even binge eat. Inhaling softly, he sat back in his chair, hating that these were even issues he struggled with. 

“What are you worrying about now?”

Glancing up from the table, he watched as Natasha emptied the soup into a small pot as she studied him. 

“Nothing. Just thinking about Buck’s food issues. I try not to think about it because he doesn’t want me to think about it, but then it crosses my mind sometimes when he’s eating and I get pissed off.”

Rifling a hand through his hair, frustration suddenly came over him, “Who the hell starves their kid? I don’t understand, Natasha. I don’t and it gets me upset thinking he believes in these things. That because people have fucked up his head and actually went through with their threats to reinforce it, that he truly from time to time thinks I’ll punish him for eating fucking food!”

Natasha walked across the room, hurriedly hushing him and wrapping a hand over the back of his, giving it a little squeeze and a shake. “I know. I know how hard that is, trust me. _I know_. You just need to reinforce your standing on that issue without the anger fits because you know it doesn’t help and have plenty of patience. I know you have a lot of that. He took a long time to accept he could eat freely at my home, that it was alright to ask for the big piece or eat a second serving or a third if he could make room for it. He just needs a lot of love.” 

Steve stared at her, muscles shifting, easing back his shoulders as he drew in a breath and nodded to her. “Yeah, you’re right. I just wish things were different.” 

“They can be.” She said before turning back towards the stove to heat Bucky’s soup.

Later on, after Natasha left, Steve finally approached the bedroom when Nanook lurked out for food and was in dire need of a walk. He peeked in only to find Bucky asleep and bundled tight on Steve’s side of the bed and his pillow twisted in his hands like it was a person pressed close to him. His heart ached to place himself there for him but he took the lull as a chance to get the dog out while he was having his nap.

He came back home to the way he had left Bucky and he pushed the door open to the bedroom gently, “Hey, Buck.” 

Striding over and next to the bed, he carefully knelt down, unsure of it he should touch him despite what Natasha was saying. “Buck?” 

Bucky stirred gingerly under the covers, moving the bit of blanket obscuring his mouth and nose while pushing the rest of his face off Steve’s pillow, hair a little unruly and sticking out in weird tufts. He opened his red rimmed eyes, blinking slowly as he took a few minutes to just stare back.

“Are you feeling okay?”

Bucky lifted a shoulder in a tired attempt at answering without using too much energy.

“Yeah, okay. Maybe an dumb question to ask, sorry.” Steve sighed at himself, shaking his head before he reached out, resting a hand on Bucky’s back. He took it as a positive when Bucky didn’t snap at him this time.

The allowance gave Steve confidence to stroke Bucky’s back the way he liked, drawing his hand away just to brushing bangs away from his forehead and give him a warm smile. 

“How about a shower? You ready to take one?” He ran his fingers through Bucky’s hair, still soft and fluffy but it would do him good to wash off at least some of the bad mood resonating on him. He wasn’t sure if Bucky was depressed right now and it wouldn’t completely clear anything but he was always under the belief it would at least be slightly refreshing.

Without a word Bucky nodded to him, rubbing as his eyes as he floundered a little bit while getting up onto his knees to climb out of bed. Steve only brought a hand out to steady him from falling off the bed and then withdrew so he wasn’t smothering him. He turned to get some clothes out and went into the hall closet for a clean towel to put into the bathroom.

Bucky slowly shuffled in and he seemed to look smaller than he usually was, like the past day had caused him to lose twenty pounds or something ridiculous like that even though Steve knew he was eating. 

It was then that he realized he was staring, Bucky looking at him with a curious expression and maybe with a little bit of guilt. Steve only smiled and went to move past him so he had privacy, Bucky catching the end of his t-shirt at the last moment before he was out of there completely. He turned and Bucky stepped close, brushing off the space that was holding them apart, pressing his body in and Steve let his eyes close while his arms came up and around.

“I know.” He whispered out, pressing a kiss to Bucky’s temple. “Now go, a nice hot shower will do you good.” 

Bucky nodded and Steve stepped out before closing the door. He went into the bedroom and stared at the bed, deciding to change the sheets on it. He knew they weren’t exactly dirty but the set he was ready to use were washed with a fabric softener Bucky loved the smell of and knew it would be a nice subtle change for him. 

As he stripped the blankets and tugged off the pillowcases, Steve couldn’t stop himself from grinning stupidly. He knew it was dumb, that Bucky wasn’t mad at him but still, having him backing out of his bad mood was wonderful, like he was accepted again even though it wasn’t exactly what had happened. He was just happy to have him come back again.

Steve ordered and went to pick up some take out from the diner and was back before Bucky was out of the shower, setting food out for him and unsure of if he would want to eat at the table. Luckily after pulling on what clothes were laid out for him, Bucky ventured out and they ate in silence together with Nanook tucked away between their feet. Steve didn’t much want to start anything that may end up backfiring and he could tell by his boyfriend’s bunched shoulders he was still a little off which was fine if that’s how he was feeling. 

He watched Bucky retreat with his half finished chocolate milkshake and the dog back into the bedroom and Steve resigned himself to doing some light workouts in the living room when he felt too restless to just sit still. Afterwards he took a shower and padded quietly into the bedroom for clothes, draped only in a towel just to find Bucky glancing up in surprise with his pills in hand. “Hi.” 

Steve wasn’t surprised, giving him a smile as he rifled for clothes, “Hi back, sorry for walking in, needed something to change into.”

“Oh, I don’t mind.” Bucky admitted, mild humor laced in his voice and eyes roaming along his body, laying back down after swallowing half a pill. “Come to bed soon?” 

“Soon.” Steve promised, tucking the clothes against his chest before heading back to the bathroom.

He set out to clean up after and looked over what he had to do later since it was probably a good idea that he was doing them now instead and getting them out of the way. It didn’t help that his back was a little twitchy from the couch jabbing him in weird places all through the night and a good rest no matter how early was probably a great way to get rid of the minor aches he had.

Back in the bedroom, Bucky was rolled up in the blanket again and Steve hated the idea of Bucky doping up, but at least it was far and few in between knowing he loathed relying on it. Nanook laid out beside him, tail thumping along the sheets as he stayed vigilant and snuggled close while Bucky sluggishly pet at his fur. Crawling into bed, his boyfriend anticipated the movement, scrunching under the covers with a smile as Steve laid himself out alongside him and rested an arm around his waist, “Buck.” 

Bucky rolled over and stared at him with eyes glassy and partially hooded as he smiled at him, “Steve. Hi.” 

Steve smiled back at him, “Hi baby.” 

He snuggled close against him as Bucky curled in tighter against Steve’s chest, draping an arm around his neck. “Warm.”

“I am.” Steve agreed, planting a kiss on the top of Bucky’s head and burying his face against his neck, feeling him squirm when his beard began to tickle. 

Bucky stared at him, sleepy eyes watching contemplatively his way as fingers brushed back his bangs, “Take care of me.”

Taking his hand, Steve gingerly pressed soft kisses into his knuckles, “You’re safe. I promise.” 

Despite the medication, he knew there was a thin layer of consciousness in there or Bucky would never have asked him. Steve shifted his body, moving covers around as he laid out over top to blanket Bucky with himself, careful not to hurt him as he balanced his weight with his arms. He pressed a soft kiss against Bucky’s forehead, then got his eyelids when his boyfriend closed them, a trail moving down his nose and across his cheeks. A satisfactory hum slipped away from underneath him while arms circled around his neck.

Steve pressed a kiss to lips and then against the cleft of his chin, he swore Bucky ceased to breathe while he lightly bumped his head back with his nose to press kisses down the underside of his jaw and along the bump of his adam’s apple. 

As calm as it seemed to be for Bucky, it seemed to ease the stress out of Steve as well, nuzzling at his throat and sharing the intimacy they had built up together without honestly meaning to before they even placed themselves in a relationship together. Fingers slipped into his hair, trimmed nails scratching lightly against his scalp and Steve shivered, teeth nipping playfully at collarbone. 

A giggle was all he got for it and Steve couldn’t help the grin, one hand undoing buttons along Bucky’s shirt to press kisses across his shoulders and drag his nose against his sternum, lazy fingers continually stroking his hair while his beard lightly scored and flushed Bucky’s skin.

He tilted his head up and pressed a soft kiss to his lips before moving back down to his chest, resting his ear over Bucky’s beating heart and staying there a few minutes just listening to it and feeling himself ease to the sound, steady and strong. It made him happy, his palm softly petting along Bucky’s ribs, hand heavy so not to tickle him and it was like time stood still for them as Bucky exhaled into a soft hum.

Eventually he shifted back up, curling his body around Bucky’s as arms wrapped around him and Steve tucked his face against the side of his neck like he always belonged there, breathing in his boyfriend’s scent. Bucky always smelled soft and Steve wasn’t sure if the smells were something ingrained into him or if he just made it that way, his hand softly caressing Bucky’s skin in slow strokes from his chest to his hip. 

At some point he ended up with is hand resting over Bucky’s heart and feeling it beat calmly against his palm, half lidded eyes staring at him and Steve met them with a small smile, “I can’t lose you.” 

Lips twitching upwards, Bucky reached his hand over to brush it through Steve’s hair, “You said you won’t let go, Stevie.”

“I won’t.” He said, almost too quickly but Bucky didn’t much react to it, his movements slow and smooth. He could tell he was close to falling asleep from the medication and he pressed a gentle kiss against his jaw, “I promise.” 

Bucky whimpered softly, lips brushing across his mouth and he pressed in to complete their kiss. 

He brushed his nose against Bucky’s, fragile with him, “Truth is, I need you Buck. I know I’ve told you but I do. I really do. I can’t think of anything without you here anymore.” 

“Why?”

Steve stroked his cheek with the back of his knuckles, Bucky’s eyes closing, “Because I can’t live without you.”

Bucky’s hand disappeared into dusty blond hair, scratching along the scalp of Steve’s head, “I can’t live without you either.” 

Smiling at Bucky slowly losing out to sleep, he pressed a kiss against his wrist, “Time to sleep, goodnight.” 

He hummed, “Goodnight.”

It took a minute or two to wait out the shallow way Bucky’s breathing came in and he was in a deep sleep, left defenseless and cradled around his dog and his boyfriend. Steve watched him carefully, a plan to leave as soon he was out weakening in his mind as he tugged the blanket up against their bodies and pressed a kiss against Bucky’s temple.

He was always mesmerized at the idea that throughout Bucky’s life, he had been going through a world of pain and was forced to do things against his will and comfort level yet still came out the other side over and over with a heart that beat only for goodness. 

Trailing a hand along Bucky’s jaw, he stroked his thumb along the cleft of his chin, pressing a kiss against his boyfriend’s cheek, “I love you, Buck. I love you so much, I wish you’d let me tell you.” He drew in a slow breath, inhaling the smell of mint again, “I hope one day I can, I really do.”

*****

Steve loved being an early riser, especially like this where he could just open his eyes in the pale morning with faint lines of sunlight giving the room a gentle mix of pastel with the grey lingering along signs of Winter. He stretched out carefully, muscles barely waking up and he luxuriated in the tingle in them as well as the cozy warmth of extra limbs tangled up around him. The light loved Bucky best, pushing past him and cradling around his hair to kiss soft strands and caress his skin with a shade of gold he seemed to bask in. Steve relished in looking without being interrupted while he slept, taking in every detail like the piece of breathing art he was. His eyes caught the soft dimple in his chin, hidden partially from the light dusting of facial hair trying to grow more quickly than Bucky could rid, fingers begging to trace his jaw and trail two of them along his throat as he absorbed the beat of his heart.

Steve leaned in to press a kiss to the cleft of Bucky’s chin just because he couldn’t help himself despite saying over and over in his head not to. It only took a few seconds for long lashes and eyelids to move in blinks before their eyes met and the love of his life smiled, slow and sleepy as Steve assumed Bucky was recalling where he was settled in his mind like warmed honey on his tongue. 

There was nothing that could take away the way Steve saw him in a completely different equation in this world as if it had been a puzzle he had been working on since he was born, constantly given bits of information to give him a better perspective to solve it. Finally here, in their warm bed, hidden from the eyes of the world and gnarled hands that tried to snatch Bucky away from him, it was finally completed and solved. The answer was breathing next to him and staring back in a fondness he would never tired of.

He rolled onto his back, a small sound escaping him as he tried to get into a comfortable position while attempting to coax Bucky to press in closer, his boyfriend lifting his head a little to see what he was up to.

“Steve?” 

“Trying to get comfortable..” He rustled a little under their shared blanket to tug Bucky over more desperately, gesturing him to lay on him, “C’mon, come here. I wanna cuddle.”

“That won’t make you comfortable.” Bucky countered sleepily but did as he was told, sprawling out over Steve as he parted his legs to nestle Bucky’s frame between them and arms wrapped safe around. He tilted his head to kiss his nose, hands gliding along his back and instinctively Bucky pressed into him, biting back a pleased moan.

“ _Jesus_.” Steve blurted out because now he could admit it out loud, his eyes locked on him as he woke up just a little bit more in the partial morning light as did another part of his body, Bucky’s face turning soft red.

“I’m sorry, I just..you touch me..and I..” He ducked his head away shyly.

Curiously Steve slipped his fingers underneath the fabric of his shirt, no real intention and he knew Bucky would know that, he only began to softly massage and knead his muscles through his supple smooth skin, his warm hands caressing inch by inch and Bucky raised his head with a purr of contentment. His hips rocking in helpless desire, open sighs slipping away and before he could even think about it and Steve was definitely hard again.

“Buck..I..”

“Shh..keep doing what you’re doing.” He leaned close, shivering to the touch but he kissed him, keen with need and rolling hips sensuously along Steve’s pretty prominent bulge.

“Buck..”

“Shh..wanna make you feel good Rogers..” he whispered softly by his ear, giving it a small nip and suckling at his lobe.

Steve couldn’t concentrate on the massage he was leading, his palms roaming along Bucky’s back more just to touch him now than anything, t-shirt rolling up haphazardly, groans filling the bedroom as Bucky ground and rocked into him. He knew it wasn’t going to take too long at this rate, wound up so much and wanting Bucky in any way possible, a hand slipping into his hair gripping at it. Bucky rested his forehead against his boyfriend’s temple and closed his eyes as Steve was helpless to do anything, he couldn’t stop it, he _wanted_ to cum but God he wanted Bucky to as well, wanted to hear his sweet voice carry as he reached orgasm.

“Mm, _Stevie_..”

Steve bit down on his lip, the spark of pain jolting him and he could taste the copper but Bucky was _not_ supposed to sound like that, like liquid fire lighting his soul ablaze and even in his wildest dreams had Bucky not sounded that beautiful.

He felt his eyes unfocus and close, slowly opening them when Bucky hid his face away against his neck and Steve shamelessly roved his eyes over the thin fabric of his pants, fascinated by the roll of hips grinding against his. 

“Bucky, gonna make me cum just by soundin’ like that.” He admitted breathlessly, air barely reaching his lungs.

Bucky moaned, lips brushing along the outside of his ear, “Yeah?” 

The bed made a minor creak as they moved along to the beat of their hips rocking in unison, Steve’s breath choked back in his throat as his hands gripped firmly to Bucky and pushed him downwards so he could get more friction to their grind.

“Yeah, and I could really get used to it.” Steve panted out, trying to get Bucky to kiss him but he continued to hide his face away.

Steve needed to get off though and in one swift movement he had them rolled over and Bucky was pressed into the pillows. He could barely register the change before Steve ground his hips in and hands found themselves moving off Steve’s arms, sliding along his abdomen and along to his back until they found their way into the back of his boxers, cupping his ass so hard Steve let out a punched out gasp when fingers dug into the meat of him. 

“Buck..!”

Bucky only responded by spreading his legs open more for Steve, cock slotting into the crease against too much biting fabric that he ignored as Steve began leaving trails of kisses, suckling small insignificant bruises. Bucky only dropped his head back, moaning helplessly with eyes shut tight and mouth half open.

Steve began to pant harder, his hips working in a faster rhythm and knew he was about to, Bucky’s long legs wrapping tight around him and he could feel the bruises he was going to get later on his ass, it would have been better skin to skin but he was held on to for dear life and Steve wasn’t interested in letting go either, his teeth nipping into his skin and panting into Bucky’s ear.

“Oh fuck.” Bucky ground out, lips swollen and shiny.

It was the image that burned into Steve’s mind before his hips stuttered and the flush to his cheeks seemed _hotter_ , his own mouth falling open as he groaned out, his entire body shuddering in climax against Bucky’s body.

Steve tried his best not to collapse on top of Bucky, dazed and sated, heart still thundering as his boyfriend breathed out deeply, eyes fluttering open and blinking to the daylight. It took a few seconds for him to slowly realize Bucky wasn’t trying to get off anymore, thinking about it and trying to clear his head before their eyes met and his brows came together in confusion.

Bucky pushed him off, not so hard that it was taken as a moment of rejection but enough so he could roll out from under Steve and the blond tried to gather his wits about him and get out of his honey soaked haze to think back and double check that yeah, he definitely was the only one that had gotten off between the both of them.

“Buck?”

Smoky eyes turned to look over at him from his shoulder and Bucky straightened his tangled sweats out before he continued walking away, “That was fun, but I need a shower.”

“But you didn’t even get off..” Steve protested, only to be waved off.

Only left perturbed and confused, the shower turned on a moment later and Steve stared down at the wet patch across his lap, sighing despite himself and wondering if he did something wrong. 

By the time Bucky was out and Steve was able to get into the bathroom and clean himself up properly, his boyfriend was already trying to get back to sleep and Steve curled up behind him hoping he wasn’t in any way upset at him.

“Hey, you okay? First time we fooled around and you’re giving me a cold shoulder vibe.” 

Bucky nodded, snuggling back to Steve’s relief, “Still back and forth about all this porny stuff, I just wanted to do that though.” 

Steve pressed a kiss to Bucky’s ear, patting his hip softly. He would have made an offer to give Bucky a hand..or mouth but he had a feeling it would have been a hard pass and a push he didn’t want to press on him. Either way he was sure he had done his business while showering anyway. Steve couldn’t help thinking about the way Bucky didn’t want to make eye contact with him much once they started going and wasn’t kissing him. It wasn’t a level of alarm for him yet, he knew Bucky had issues with processing feelings and things so if that’s what he felt better doing right now, so be it. He’d try his best to just be supportive to what he was comfortable with until Bucky warmed up to him in his own way.

*****

Bucky was semi-aware that Steve had gone on a run that morning, sometimes fur pressed against his face instead of course beard if Steve left Nanook home and there was also no solid arm or body draped over him or shielding him from whatever that he tended to miss. The way the light hit the bedroom though, he could tell it was a little later than that, maybe early lunch time like when he regularly woke up when he could sleep in and Steve should have been back to wake him.

Slowly he pulled himself to sit up, swaying slightly, unsure if he would fall back against the covers and giving himself a few seconds before he broached the idea of standing on both feet to explore the slight noises he could hear towards the kitchen. His eyes stayed in a squint as he approached the blob that was vaguely human, making Steve out the closer he got until he was at the corner of the kitchen counter.

“Do you need help?”

Steve startled slightly, turning to glance over his shoulder and see him approaching all sleepy eyed and still yawning a little. “Hey. I think I’m good. Just making some extra protein bars. You could measure out a quarter cup of chocolate chips if you want while I get the coconut flour.” 

“Wow, what a waste of chocolate chips.” Bucky mumbled out morosely.

Steve chuckled, “They’re dark chocolate if it makes you feel any better, so you wouldn’t have eaten them anyway.” 

“Still, going into _protein bars_. Yuck.” 

“There’s nothing wrong with protein bars,” Steve claimed, nose wrinkling with the need to sneeze as he measured the flour with his face much too close to the cup. “They’re the same thing as those snack bites I had in the pan that you devoured last time.”

Bucky pouted, “I didn’t mean to.”

Steve tilted his head to the container already to the side full of something, “Try one out, tell me if it’s the same. I feel like I forgot something.”

Glancing at him a moment, Bucky turned to look at the half covered oversized container, two layers of round bite sized treats laid out in waiting and Bucky’s stomach flipflopped remembering the partial reason why he ate them all was because of how good they were. He reached out and picked up the soft snack, popping it into his mouth, chewing on how comparable to sweet oatmeal cookies they tasted like even though he could pick out coconut, sunflower seeds and even flax. So many ingredients he would crinkle his nose at but somehow Steve mixed them together and Bucky had inhaled them, it was like those parents recipes where they told you that you could add spinach to brownies or zucchini to muffins. Whatever the con, the two main things he liked out of it was the honey and the oatmeal and it’s what made his taste buds ignore the rest of the calamity he was getting in his mouth, reaching for another before Steve gave him an expectant raise of brows.

“They’re good,” Bucky mumbled out with his mouth still full, thumb pressing at the corner of his lips to push a bit of rolled oats trying to escape when he stuffed a third in before he finished chewing on the second. “Very good.”

“I’m glad they test well still. Please don’t eat this entire container though, I’m getting a little tired.” 

Bucky hit his arm, nudging the measured out chocolate chips his way when he went back to the task at hand, resting his head against Steve’s bicep, “So mean.” 

Huffing a laugh, Steve added the chocolate into the bowl and combined everything together with a wooden spoon, “I’m not mean, I’m just saying I’m a little worn out so do me a favor.” 

“I’m sorry I wasn’t thinking at the time and inhaling anything edible. Don’t make fun of me.” Bucky defended absently, most of his attention caught up on the flex of his boyfriend’s forearm as he stirred the mix. He was fascinated over corded muscles shifting in ways that suddenly made Bucky’s plaid sweats feel a little uncomfortable and all he wanted to do was touch, protein bars and oat snacks be damned.

“Besides, my stomach had an adventure trying to digest all of that without resorting to me throwing it up which was a miracle in disguise.” He added on, feeling his ears warm a little as he continued staring at Steve’s arms, muscles bunching when he worked on prying open the used jar of honey that had the lid stuck to it like glue. His hand reached up, palming Steve’s bicep and giving it a gentle squeeze. 

The action distracted Steve to look over, “What, Buck? Do you need something?” 

Bucky only hummed, moving in closer and Steve pushed the bowl away assuming he was trying to get a sample of the bar dough only to have another hand around his bicep and not even staring at the bowl. 

Steve, thoroughly confused, only knit his brows together as he carefully set the jar down and turned his body to face him, “What?” 

“You’re a fucking Greek God, do you know that Steve? Like holy shit my boyfriend is a hunk.” Bucky blurted out, licking his lips. His hand skated across Steve’s chest as he only stood there in mild amusement and a bit of confusion. Bucky only continued staring at him hungrily, nibbling down at his bottom lip before sighing to himself, “Christ.” 

“Buck, are you high right now?” Steve didn’t mean his own voice to come out as shaky as it did, swallowing nervously as Bucky continued to run his fingers down his chest, his other stroking his arm all fascinated that he could probably do that now without looking weird about it so he held still for him and watched intently. “And yeah, I am your boyfriend. I’m all yours, Buck.” 

Bucky blinked, drawing his gaze away off his body and back to Steve’s face, shaking his head apologetically, “I’m sorry you’re just so..” 

Steve smirked, “Trust me, I know exactly what you mean. You do the same thing to me.” 

Bucky blinked in surprise, “Really?” 

“Yeah, really.” 

Bucky fell back against the counter, hands drawing away reluctantly, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t do that.” 

“Do what?”

“Treat you like a sex object, you’re just so _hot_. I’ve been holding back saying that for so long.” 

Steve grinned, “And you’re _allowed_ to look at me like a sex object and ogle me. When you do it, it makes me feel good because I want you to think that. As much as you like what’s inside, I’m happy that you like what’s outside too.” 

“I know,” Bucky let out, blushing outright and pushing Steve away a little as he looked to the side, “I just. You amaze me, overall. You’re right, inside and out. You’re ridiculous and beautiful.” 

Inhaling sharply, Steve couldn’t help himself as he leaned in, face pressing close to nudge Bucky’s head back to him and caught his lips. The reaction was so automatic now, Bucky’s eyes falling closed while he let Steve in, back pressing against the edge of the counter as he released Steve’s arm and instead was caged between them. The noises sat stuck in his throat when he pressed in, the hard line of Steve’s cock pressed against Bucky’s thigh, warmth within rising up his body all the way into his hair. 

Bucky giggled against his boyfriend’s mouth throwing with an arm around his neck and Steve could only smile sheepishly, foreheads pressed together as he shook his head lightly, “I’m sorry for that, you just get me really- ”

Pressing his fingers between their lips to stop Steve’s words, Bucky stared into his eyes as he gave him a fond smile, “Don’t. You know I feel the same way and you don’t push me. Don’t apologize when I don’t mind, it’s a little exciting to know actually.” 

Steve watched eyes look away, astonished of the admission while Bucky bit at his lip, shy and amazed at himself before he glanced back again and all they could do was press in for another kiss. 

“Keep your hands braced.” Bucky mumbled against Steve’s mouth.

He wasn’t sure what exactly Bucky meant by that, the arm tightening that was around his neck while they kissed again. Bucky’s free hand palmed at his chest and Steve leaned into it, still half hard and trying not to rub himself against any part of his boyfriend’s body before that same hand deftly undid the top button of his jeans, Steve too distracted with his mouth to react to it and realize what was happening. 

Bucky brought his hand back up, licking his palm before he slipped it back into Steve’s jeans and fingers wrapped around his boyfriend’s cock, a sharp gasp slipping from him as Bucky only kept him there at his neck, Steve’s hands gripping the counter as he finally realized what he meant, his hips helplessly rocking a little to the hand stroking him.

“There we go..” Bucky drawled, his voice low and barely there, nuzzling his lips along Steve’s as his mouth opened slightly to let out a groan.

“Buck- ”

“Shh, just enjoy it. Kinda wanted to touch you since I saw you naked, though I’ve had fantasies like that since high school.” 

Steve sucked in a breath between his grit teeth, tilting his head back a bit as Bucky’s soft hand glided over him like silk, pumping in a steady rhythm. He gazed at him half lidded as Bucky hid his face but was seemingly fixated in taking in every sound he made either way just like earlier in bed. 

His panting seemed to have gone louder just from the way Bucky paid attention to him, blush creeping across cheeks while darkened grey eyes rarely blinked too focused at his shoulder and not daring to look him in the eye as he touched him and Steve didn’t question it. A soft pleased moan slipped out from his lips instead despite not exactly sure if it was to encourage Bucky or if everything just felt really damn good right now. “Tell me.”

Bucky nuzzled at his face, a soft kiss pressing to his cheek as he ignored his request for the moment, “Do you like that?”

He nodded, a kiss going into his beard and trailing along towards his ear.

“Would you like to cum?” Bucky toyed, lips barely brushing along Steve’s lobe, his hand giving his dick lazy strokes like he had nothing better to do all day. “All you have to do is ask.”

Steve really had to take a second and make sure he was gripping the counter before him. His hands wanted to go everywhere, especially on Bucky, still trapped in his arms and breathing in his scent while stroking him off. He was still in shock about that, dropping his head forward against the shoulder offered before him. “Buck, I need you to make me cum. _Please_.” 

Bucky hummed softly in approval, giving his cock a gentle squeeze, the sensation shooting up Steve’s back as he made a slight choked sound, “I thought a lot about you in school especially in that uniform. I daydreamed about how after a game we’d go back to the parking lot for a post-game blow job in the back seat of my car or have sex while you were still sweaty, smelling like grass and dirt. You know how hard it was to watch you during games or practice and _not_ sport a boner? Stupidly difficult.” 

“I woulda let you do it.” Steve admitted without even batting an eye, “Definitely woulda sucked you off between the cars even. _Anywhere_. All you’d have to do is ask and I’d get on my knees for you Buck.” 

Closing his eyes like he was the one being tortured right then, Bucky curled his face against his and whined pitifully, “You _cannot_ just say shit like that Steve, holy crap.”

Grinning wide, he stared at him and nodded, nuzzling against his cheek, “Still would.” 

Bucky rubbed his thumb over the tip, spreading the collected precum along Steve’s cock and against his own fingers, giving him a quick, sharp few tugs just to hear the startled hiss of air being sucked back into Steve’s lungs and watch his spine bow reactively from it.

“Still..” Bucky warned, low but not displeased, making Steve’s hips jump just before his hand smoothed out in speed. “That was mean.”

“Bucky,” He tried pitifully only to realize Bucky’s strokes refused to let up and he choked out a strangled whimper, fingers curling around the counter edge, “ _Please_.”

Bucky declined with a small noise and Steve knew he had a horrible habit of toying if he wanted to which he definitely was right then; going back and forth with fast and slow just by gauging his breathing. Steve knew he was experienced in it and that made it much worse as he purposefully overstimulated him in a pattern of quick, harsh movements that sent sparks up Steve’s spine; jeans barely pushed down and hanging open as his underwear was bunched down just enough to expose his cock and Bucky worked him until he knew the precise moment he could switch to slower, more gentle touches that pulled the brakes out from under him and Steve groaned in frustration to it, burying his face into Bucky’s shoulder again.

“Fuck.” Steve breathed out against warm damp skin where he was panting, his hips rocking into Bucky’s hand, the other slipping under his shirt, pinching at one hardened nipple, his palm massaging his pec and all the stimulation made him feel dizzy, sweat collecting along his hairline.

Trailing his face from Steve’s ear down to his neck, Bucky suckled a mark into his skin; teeth and lips pinching until it hurt to ensure it lasted a little while before he left a trail of wet, opened mouthed kisses over his jaw. At his cheek he brushed his nose against the line of his beard, pressing his words into Steve’s skin, “Do you like that?”

Steve clenched his jaw, trying to train his eyes out the kitchen window to gain back some of his composure but he wasn’t kidding anyone. His mind coming back over and over to the fact that it was Bucky who was touching him, who was teasing and torturing him and that made admissions come out of his mouth so easily, admitting how he would have done very wonderful things if only he knew Bucky wanted him to. It caused his body to feel simultaneously stretched and bundled tight all at once when fingers squeezed again.

“You were the highlight of my high school wet dreams.” Bucky mumbled out, his voice soft and playful, the tip of his tongue tracing along the tender area behind his ear. 

Steve tensed further, a familiar heat prickling over him, cheeks flushing hotter as the words danced around his head. Bucky’s hand slid smoother along his cock with all the slickness, speeding up just a hair as the other at his hip stopped him from thrusting into it too much, the sensation curling his toes as he closed his eyes with a grunt. 

“You don’t have any idea, Buck.”

“God Stevie..”

It didn’t take much after that. Bucky mouthing at his beard, cheek and then along his neck to his throat while his hand kept working him over and his hip was allowed to thrust up to meet him. At the same time he felt the pinch of Bucky’s teeth at his shoulder, nipping hard underneath his shirt almost to the point of breaking skin, the pain doing nothing to alleviate the heated coil twisting in his stomach. 

“Come on Stevie, you’re so close..” Bucky murmured softly, panting heatedly against him sounding just as aroused as he was, his own hips lazily rutting along Steve’s thigh. 

Steve knew he had broken skin, a sharp sting hitting his lip as he sank his teeth into the flesh, groaning into dark hair as he leaned in for more of everything, Bucky alternated with the rub of his thumb across Steve’s head, angled just enough to press against his slit as his hand moved. Steve felt so painfully close, the sensation wanting to crawl out of his skin, muscles tight and burning as he strained and clenched; Bucky’s lips brushed along his ear, tongue tracing or his teeth nipping teasingly as he pressed his chest to his, so flushed together Steve could feel Bucky’s nipples rubbing against his skin despite clothing in their way.

Bucky leaned in closer, face turning into Steve’s hair, “Do it, Stevie. I wanna hear you cum.”

Like the tether between them snapping, Steve immediately came to the request almost as if every fiber of his being was primed to please Bucky, his eyes squeezed shut and a moan falling into brown hair, hips stuttering into his boyfriend’s fist. A small fragment of his mind crossed the thought that he was probably making a mess between them and spilling over Bucky’s hand, the fact immediately slipping away as quickly as it came and trying to heave in breaths through his nose as Bucky stroked him through his orgasm. 

When he felt he could actually see without his vision blurring, he carefully opened them to Bucky attentively tucking him back into his underwear and somehow managing to do it without leaving any semen stains on his clothes or in between them as his hand took all the collateral. Bucky left his jeans open so he was given the option to either zip up or clean up more thoroughly and he wasn’t going to ask how he managed not to make a mess supposing the answer was definitely something he didn’t want to know about. He watched as Bucky was wiping his hand off on the kitchen towel, holding on to it to most likely toss it into the laundry hamper afterwards and he leaned in closer, easily feeling out the line of Bucky’s own problem still at hand begging for some attention. 

He pressed a soft kiss to Bucky’s lips as he glanced down between them, meeting his boyfriend’s gaze again, “I could help you out with that if you want? You know, like how you wanted me to before..”

That blush Bucky had been sporting the last couple of days came back, shaking his head politely as he took the towel and wiggled away from Steve, suddenly all shy again and if he didn’t know Bucky as much as he did, he would have gotten whiplash over the abrupt shift of temperament. 

Stepping back a little to give him the space he wanted, he watched after him as he headed to the bathroom and closed the door. Doing up his pants Steve shook his head a little, still lingering in his high while making it back to the bedroom to get a change of clothing out reminding himself that this is what Bucky preferred and if that was the case he would do whatever made him feel comfortable.

*****

There was something so very soothing about the smell of fresh baked pastries that calmed Bucky all the way down to his core. He knew it and so did anyone he was close to, it helped ease away the tension and stress building up like it did in him now because he knew all this getting together stuff was the calm before the storm of something bad. He was sure of it. For now though, focusing on baking brought a sense of nostalgia, a mix of happy memories and warmth he dreamed to have around him always, a tipping point that pushed him to stray into the kitchen when Steve called to let him know he had to break up a fight and that he was okay but he would help with some clean up once the police were done with their report and whatever else needed.

Bucky was fine with that, happy Steve was okay and being told not to wait up despite that fact that he would. He gathered himself to his feet after pocketing his phone, Nanook sensing something from his dog bed almost immediately and getting up to follow after him with eyes trained. 

The apartment was too quiet without the television on. He had turned it off when Steve had called, impossibly excited to have him arriving home soon, Steve usually calling from the parking garage or the moment he was left the bar but he knew today wasn’t it with either of those the way he had sounded apologetic the second Bucky heard the way he said his name. 

“Just get some rest, I’ll be home soon and I’m bone tired anyway. My arm’s a little sore from trying to hold that guy down, he was fighting real hard. I just wanna get in bed and curl up with you.”

“Such a sap.” Bucky sniped, his cheeks flushing with a small smile reaching his lips. “I don’t know if I can sleep, so maybe you’ll find me in bed. Maybe not.” 

Steve chuckled on the line, warm and soft, “Alright, just be home though.”

“Promise.”

“I’ll see you soon Buck.”

Bucky hesitated for a moment, opening his mouth slightly before closing it. He stared at the phone and then was pressing it firmly to his ear, “..I miss you.”

At first there was silence and then a small sound of a deeply fond chuckle, “I miss you too. It’s why I just want to come home. You’ll be okay Buck.”

“I know. I’m just.." He sighed, deeply frustrated with himself, “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. Soon. I promise.”

Nodding to the receiver, Bucky squeezed his legs together to reroute the pressure he felt on his shoulders against them instead, his free hand rubbing along his outer thigh anxiously as he nodded again, “Yeah I know. Bye Steve.” 

They hung up and he sighed inwardly, not sure why he was so _worried_ though it was the toppling stone to get him moving and baking. He put on some music off his phone, a playlist of the Eighties always worked well for his mood, until he was dancing, that is. For now it was just a good companion as was his dog who was already sizing him up and working the job he had always been trained and perfect for. 

Bucky ran his fingers along the top of Nanook’s head, fur so soft and smooth there, the dog tilting his head to lick at his fingers and nuzzle at his palm almost desperate to keep the contact and he smiled down at him, “I’m going to be okay, I’m just wound up. You know what makes me feel less so? Something sweet, and a lot of it, like cupcakes.”

He sorted through the cabinets, pulling bulk bags of ingredients and other supplies like powdered sugar and chocolate. Vanilla pods encased in vials emerged beside flakes of coconut and a brand new jar of peanut butter. He retrieved the bags of granulated sugar and flour from the second cabinet, rifling through one of the lower ones by his legs for a few bowls, the hand mixer and the baking trays for said cupcakes.

It took him a little bit to have everything out and in a chaotic order, Nanook seated patiently under the table that he could barely fit at while Bucky got ready by tying on Steve’s rather spotless apron and washing his hands. 

Bucky wasn’t entire sure if more people prepared their ingredients prior to starting or as they went along. He was better when everything was set up and ready, knowing it left him with more dishes to do, more work to plan and lay it all out ahead in his head and but he would have a route to follow. It was the main point of why he did it, to distract himself and soon he was pulling out the lemons and eyeballing which ones he would juice and which ones to leave for Steve so he could cook fish with them for his dinners.

There was something pleasant in seeing glass and plastic measuring cups full of flour, milk, sugar and so on arranged neatly and ready for use despite the mess in the background of them. The lemon juice sat to the side as he finished up gathering the zest. Nanook approached curiously, knowing better than to reach up onto the counter with his front paws to see and Bucky shook his head at him, placing one of the discarded lemon halves on the floor, studying him closely.

“Don’t eat it.”

Not knowing what to make of it, Nanook sniffled at it carefully, giving it a quick lick before pulling his head away in alarm and pawing it sideways, rearing away in offense. A soft growl escaped him as he dove at it with both paws, knocking it across the kitchen floor and letting out a bark before turning away and hiding in the barely there space between Bucky’s legs and the cabinet, staring at the used lemon as if he was waiting for it to move. Nanook crept out carefully and batted at it again before barking at the menacing citrus fruit once more and laughing, Bucky reached over and picked it up, tossing it in the sink. 

“No more barking, you’re a good baby. Don’t get Steve evicted.” He went in the fridge and found a container of sliced, cored sections of apple, holding two out which were immediately taken, the threat of lemon rinds attacking the apartment gone and forgotten.

The first batch of cupcakes went into the oven and he mixed an icing to go along with them, adding the last bit of zest and powdered sugar to the whipped butter mixture before poking his finger in to steal some from the edge just because he could. 

When the first round was ready to come out, Nanook had relegated himself back under the table to keep an eye on Bucky as he knew too well that his dog seemed to like to do, a chocolate batter waiting to go in next and he did a quick clean up before starting on something with peanut butter. Somewhere after it came together, he iced the lemon batch with his eyes squinting at each one and keeping a pressure to have them perfect. 

Holding the tray of them so they could rest on the kitchen table, Bucky paused before Nanook, “How do these look?”

The canine jerked his head up quickly and howled his way, dropping his mouth open like he was smiling and Bucky took that as a positive before placing them down and getting the chocolate batch out. 

He went ahead and made a ganache to fill one flavor and use it with the peanut butter cupcakes as well, planning a decadent frosting for the top for the chocolate ones knowing Steve was weirdly weak for those considering his boyfriend wasn’t a chocolate fiend like he was. He deserved a treat anyway, making a peanut butter buttercream to accompany the ganache going on the top for the batch he was making for Clint. 

Bucky went ahead and cleared up some things and cleaned up others before starting his last and final batch with cream cheese sitting closer to the stove and a bag of coconut waiting to be measured out. He gazed at the ingredients one last time before pouring himself into it, the back of his mind aware that this was probably some level of unhealthy coping that he couldn’t always do but it was also a way for his mind to relax so he could sleep. Sometimes when it was going a mile a minute and he was asleep, he still wasn’t asleep..asleep and it was frustrating to say the least. 

He was so busy adding the finishing garnishes of crushed peanuts on the PB ones and toasted flakes of coconut across another that he jumped half out of his skin when hands slipped along his hips. The only reason he wasn’t swinging a fry pan at the assailant’s head was because he immediately picked up Steve’s stupid aftershave, a light chuckle reaching his ears as the warm body pressed along the entirety of his backside and Bucky was immediately leaning in to it. 

“What’s all this? You okay?”

He could hear Steve was trying to keep it light despite clearly showing signs of worry and Bucky wiggled his hips just barely so Steve would circle his arms around them and he leaned in to the comfort, shameless for it. 

“Yeah, just distracting myself.”

“I noticed.” Steve tugged at his hand, bringing it up as if he was examining it only to suck on his fingers, licking off bits of icing, “Mm, tastes good.”

Gasping soundlessly, Bucky’s mouth shifted into a frown, “Fuck you. Doing that crap on purpose.” 

He could feel Steve smiling against his neck when his boyfriend leaned in to press a kiss to his skin and Bucky hated him, wanted to smack him for being a dirty player before he realized he had written the chapter on being a tease. He pushed his butt back in retaliation, smirking to the soft strangled noise Steve made as he firmly circled his hips all slow and lazy before breaking away from him and smacking the blond’s hand with his wooden spoon as he whirled around. 

“That’ll teach you to suck icing off my fing- ”

Steve crowded him in, eyes dark as he leaned in and kissed him hard, a hand gripping tight to his hip while sticky fingers from _God knows where_ cradled the side of his neck, tongue slipping into his mouth and their hips pressed painfully against each other. A soft sound of protest escaped from Bucky’s lips as he shifted just enough to press his thigh in and Steve drew away only to mumble a gentle sorry. 

“Stop saying sorry.” Bucky whined, almost breathless as he tried to find air.

Steve let out a small, shaky breath, but didn’t say anything, and Bucky wasn’t sure he was ready to examine what his own quickening pulse meant.

“Was that,” Steve asked hesitantly. “Was that too much? Okay? Too forward, or..?”

He didn’t finish his question as Bucky pushed in again and Steve only complied easily enough as they pressed their mouths together, this kiss much more dirty than the last. It was deep and heated, roaming hands gripping to clothes and arms trying to keep each other close. Teeth clacked into each other in the immediate contact and then there were tongues and nibbles, Steve licking into his mouth and Bucky making a soft noise of need.

Bucky drew back panting for some air, observing Steve’s hair a mess and there was chocolate in his beard somehow, he looked wrecked and Bucky was lost in the awe of it, not sure how his hand ended up tucked in Steve’s back pocket though refusing to remove it now.

“Room.” He blurted out before he was thinking.

His mind evaluated the kitchen; oven off, everything that still needed washing was in the sink. The first two cupcake batches were in containers and the other two were on the counter. He flipped the bottoms of two other containers over them to pick up where he left off later on and pushed his little detailing station towards the back of the counter. As long as it wasn’t an open plate of food left because they were lazy, usually it was alright. 

Nanook lifted his head from the couch while Steve only stood by and watched, Bucky grasping his hand and leading him down the hallway when he was satisfied. A large part of him was unsure of what exactly he was doing but there was that urgency, that _excitement_ of being with Steve how he wanted as they locked themselves in the room. He wasn’t sure if Steve was okay with his ‘not entirely on board with sex’ stuff because it was definitely weird considering his track record and he knew that. Steve seemed to understand and seemed fine but-

The light switched on and Steve stared at him, hand not letting his go, “Get out of your head.”

Smiling a little, Bucky hit the light off again, pushing Steve backwards, “Wanna do things with you, but you make me feel shy.” 

“ _Me_?”

He gave him a soft shove, his boyfriend’s dark figure falling to sit against the bed as he continued to hold his hand, Steve gingerly coaxing him to stand closer and press to his knees.

“Yeah you.”

“I’m here. Whatever you feel like doing, I’ll do it. If I don’t like it, I’ll tell you. Just like you tell me. Simple as that. Okay?”

Biting down on his lip, eyes dark and curious, Bucky kept him close, his hand softly cuffing the back of Steve’s neck and swallowing thickly, absolutely unsure of himself suddenly. Of course it was Steve that could do this to him, reduce him into feeling like he was just a mere inexperienced virgin when he was the opposite in many ways. 

He quietly breathed as he stared and Steve watched him carefully, his free hand moving off his lap to caress his arm and Bucky listened to the heavy thumping of his heart in his ears. 

“Anything Buck.” 

“..Okay.”

Steve sat patiently still for him and Bucky could feel his pulse throbbing under his palm, calm but a bit quicker than it usually was; skin warm as he swallowed slowly, audible in the silent bedroom. He nodded again to himself, he could do this, could do something without feeling awkward, drawing in a small breath, “Okay.” 

The hand Steve had been stroking his arm with curled around his forearm delicately, pulling him in and Bucky leaned forward to kiss him, open mouthed and suddenly hit with a need to claim it, he could now feel that same pulse quickening against his arm. 

Steve moaned reactively into his mouth, perfect and sweet as his hands tested the waters and he rested them at Bucky’s hips before fingers slipped just slightly under sweats to grip at scantly prominent hipbones and waited for anything negative. With a light pull he managed to cajole Bucky onto his lap, the bed making a minor sound beneath them before it settled again. 

Shifting to get comfortable, he straddled Steve’s legs and spread his thighs to accommodate himself, a soft startled sound slipping from against his boyfriend’s lips when he pressed against the bulge begging for attention, the heat of it sparking that fire Bucky always held for him. Staring down, Bucky pressed a kiss against his cheek and Steve dropped his head forward with a groan, hips slowly catching the friction despite it being not enough for anything as he licked off the icing he had left earlier at Bucky’s throat, a grumble of contentment coming from his chest pressing lips there with no plans to move. He never wanted to, momentarily refusing another place and instead suckling the spot harder and more firmly to the point of pain, Bucky cupping the back of his head as he released a pitchy moan into the air while his nails dug in. 

Pleased in Steve’s attention, Bucky hid his face away into dirty blond hair and he tugged at his shirt with his free hand in an attempt to keep him close, color across his face as fingertips dug deeper against his skin knowing they were going to bruise even if all Steve was trying to do was keep him on his lap.

“C’mere Buck, kiss me.”

Hesitation filled him but he complied, wanting to but worried about feeling overwhelmed again, their mouths finding each other, nerves easing as his temperature rose to the sensation bodies shifting slowly along one another. Their tongues slid against each other as Steve unashamedly explored the inside of his mouth, drawing back a little only to nip at his lower lip and tug it between teeth. Bucky moaned out in encouragement, rocking hips along to Steve’s rhythm, a hand at his hip pulling away and unraveling the drawstring pulled together in a bow for Bucky’s pants. 

“Buck, do you want to stop?” Steve asked as their eyes met, just a faint glint of light reaching them in the darkness and he kept his expression steady. “Because if you need me to. I mean I’d definitely have to get this worked out in my bathroom because of what you do to me but afterwards we can just cuddle if you like or go to sleep. Whatever you’d like to do.” 

Bucky immediately shook his head, “I don’t want you to leave to the bathroom to take care of yourself..I like,” He drew in a nervous breath, biting at his lip hesitantly, “I really like touching you, and seeing how you react.” 

Steve could only smile, not sure if Bucky could see or understand. He moved his free hand down to undo the button on the fly of his own jeans and pull his zipper down, knowing it was where Bucky was watching to see what he was up to in the dark. Steve’s hand slipped inside and after a few movements of pulling out of his underwear he finally managed to get his cock out, stroking his hand along the length of it, “You want me to stop, tell me to stop. Okay?”

Nodding, Bucky kind of wanted to stop just to watch Steve touch himself; slipping his hand down from his shirt to push at Steve’s hand that was frozen around his drawstring and encourage him to keep going and finish what he had started. He felt a little more emboldened now that Steve made the first move to, technically, pulling off his own shirt in one easy go before tossing it to the side and onto the floor.

Steve stared down his chest, Bucky shying slightly as he was attempted to hide a bit away. The clouds outside made it hard to really see anything and he was glad, sure his entire body was blushing despite the short wet sounds Steve was making as he jerked himself off was anything to go by but still it was embarrassing to him to be shirtless right then even if Steve had no qualms at all about it. 

“Up.” Steve murmured softly, his voice a little low and too convincing.

Bucky pushed himself up onto his knees so Steve could carefully pull down his sweats along with his boxer briefs with his free hand before pressing it flat to the small of his back as he settled back down, keeping him steady there. The relief of pressure to free himself seemed like something more substantial than it should have been, Bucky’s body arching in a lazy stretch and temporarily forgetting he had an audience as his hand automatically wrapped around his cock, stroking himself like he had all the time in the world. The ball chain necklace with the building keys glinted off the barely there light and it settled down the middle of his chest like they were home. 

Bucky didn’t come back to the present until kisses pressed down beside the chain, Steve still stroking himself as his mouth found one pert nipple, softly nibbling at the sensitive nub of flesh before lips wrapped around and sucked, the flick of his tongue sending shivers through Bucky. He couldn’t help the cry he let out, Steve’s fingers delicately caressing his lower back as he kept his boyfriend affixed on his lap.

“You’re gorgeous.” Steve praised, nosing skin as he gave the same attention to his other nipple.

“You can’t even see me much.” Bucky argued back, breathless despite how he attempting to sound quite serious.

Steve let out a low hum that curled along Bucky’s spine and made him arch up into the tight clench of his own fist, “Doesn’t matter. I know.”

Bucky supposed it was true, groaning softly as his thumb slid through the precum gathering at the head of his cock, hips working along with him. He only paused when Steve stopped his own ministrations to reach out and still Bucky’s movements, fingers lightly holding his wrist.

“Let me.” 

The heat rushed to Bucky’s cheeks, shifting his hips when he was prompted to, pressing his cock up against Steve’s and exhaling hotly as his boyfriend curled his fingers around the both of them, spreading the mess of their precum over the heat of their flesh and stroked them along.

“You know how many times I’ve dreamed of this?”

Teeth stayed clamped down against bottom lip, whimpering at the low sexy way Steve’s voice dropped a little more deeper with only a small amount of unsteadiness in it. His toes curled over it. 

Steve leaned in, breath hot against his ear, “How many times I’ve cummed fantasizing this?” 

“Jesus, _Steve_.” Bucky whined, not knowing what point he had after that. Hips thrust into the tight, clenching slide of Steve’s fingers, body trembling and his forehead damp with sweat, strands of hair sticking to it. He could feel his thighs shaking slightly with the exertion of balancing over Steve how he was, “Please, don’t stop.” 

He pressed a hand at one shoulder, nails sinking into sweaty skin through thin material, the other clutched at the juncture just at the side of Steve’s neck and shoulder, hand fitting there firmly, fingers clutching though careful not to put too much pressure at his throat with his thumb. Steve squeezed the hand around them, a moan catching at Bucky’s throat as his hips stuttered, faltering his rhythm. He leaned in to fit their mouths together to kiss again, hot and wet, teeth colliding accidentally but adjusting almost instantly, tongue invading Steve’s mouth messily and was given no contest to getting what he wanted.

“Wanna take care of you forever Buck,” Steve rambled against plush slick lips when Bucky pulled away to get air, sliding his hand from off his boyfriend’s back to meet the hand tightly wrapped around them cocks, “..Any way you’ll let me.”

Bucky squeezed his eyes shut, moaning to the soft squeeze of added pressure, leaking against the side of Steve’s hand making his fingertips slick and sticky. He mewled out desperately to the words feeling the happy warmth puddle and pool into his center wonderfully, a wanton moan slipping past his bruised lips, “Say it again.”

Steve smiled, lost in his daze, it was wicked and dangerous but so very perfect right then, fondness in his gaze when they locked eyes, “Wanna be your everything, I wanna be _yours_.”

The words were a solid promise from Steve, he could hear it with every part of his soul and it broke the last of his resolve; lips wet and swollen, mouth open and searching for air just as he came hard and spilled between them with his back arched and squeezing his hand against the side of Steve’s throat. His trimmed nails had dug into the skin just because it was there and he felt a little delirious as Steve continued milking him through it before he found himself whimpering softly and the hand was eased off. 

The noise lingering in the bedroom only sounded _wetter_ as Steve rubbed warm cum against his own cock and it only took a few quick strokes before he was following after Bucky, spilling over his knuckles and marking their skin alongside the mess that was already made.

When the spots and stars backed off, Bucky found he had closed his eyes at some point after, arms wrapped around Steve’s neck and his boyfriend’s free hand was raking through his sweaty hair, gentle and slow while he hummed something in quiet affection. He blinked a few times and just caught Steve’s tongue lick off a spot of cum that his just under his bottom lip and he screwed his face up in mock disgust.

“You’re disgusting. You don’t even know if that was me or you.” The tips of his ears burned red all over again when Steve only shrugged nonchalantly, face flushed and basking in a thin veil of sweat, an expression of perfect sunshine across his features despite it all. 

Though not wanting to, Bucky carefully retreated off Steve’s lap, legs almost giving out beneath him as he tugged his sweatpants back up with shaky fingers and trying to get his breathing back to some level of normal. He could feel Steve watching him in the darkness, sat still with a small movement of his shoulders like he was waiting for backlash and despite how mildly startled Bucky felt that he had just done _that_ , he was pleasantly pleased, to say the least. He retrieved his shirt to wipe his hands and it was what jump-started Steve’s own movements to clean up, Bucky’s legs refusing to walk as he stumbled slightly and an arm was quick to steady him.

“Are you okay?”

He couldn’t help the smile, easing closer and settling down against Steve’s thighs. The worry in his boyfriend’s voice was adorably sweet and he clung to him more over it, leaning in to press a soft kiss to his lips. 

“Yeah Stevie, I’m better then good. That was..fun even though I’m a little surprised.”

Choking out a laugh, Steve nodded with him as he ducked his head, his voice a little wrecked, “Yeah, me too. God I was uttering a couple of things I really didn’t plan to admit so easily.” 

They were sticky and gross but Bucky only curled in, resting his head against Steve’s shoulder as his boyfriend nuzzled in, pressing a kiss against his nose. “I was so forward, I mean I know I am sometimes but I just..you know..I don’t understand myself.”

“I think I do, at least a little.” Steve offered, his hand petting Bucky’s knee softly, “It’s instinct. You and I, I feel like we’re pretty mutual with our feelings in a general standpoint. You just feel overwhelmed and it’s a lot, I know but when we were laying in bed kissing, you wanted more. I could see it, I could even feel it but you weren’t equipped to push on. Then that,” He sucked in a breath, “That handjob you gave me..”

Hiding his face away, Bucky chuckled lowly, “You loved it.”

“Yeah,” He breathed out like it was an understatement, “I definitely did. What I’m trying to say is that if your body and libido overrides what your feelings want, you act on it. Sometimes your feelings are so caught up that you turn to this stuff, but at least at that point I kind of get an idea for if I should stop you. I just, I’m okay with this if it’s what you want. I just don’t want you panicking.”

“Not panicking, only horny..okay a little panicking.” Bucky admitted, burying his face against the side of Steve’s neck.

“Duly noted. Well, if you ever feel like waking me up by another session of _that_ , feel free- Ouch!”

Bucky laughed against his skin after Steve slapped his hand away when his thumb and forefinger were pinching at his overly sensitive nipple. They had to move real soon but they were happy right then, settled in a lull they never wanted to get out of.

An hour later they found themselves cleaned up and sitting on the floor nestled against each other in the kitchen with a cupcake each, Nanook curled around Bucky’s legs as he tried to figure out how to eat the cupcake from his owner’s hand without him knowing. Bucky delicately peeled the wrapper off of his second one quickly after while Steve was going through a state of pleasure over the chocolate one. 

“Oh God this is good, so fucking good.” Steve gushed shamelessly, mouth full of cake. “I’m done working out, just feed me these all day.”

Bucky looked over at him and picked up the napkin resting on his thigh, “Doesn’t mean you throw your manners out the window, you got icing on your nose.”

There was a long quiet pause of conversation where they took the time to savor and settle in their moment of contentment while playing back the past couple of hours in their heads.

“We did that.” Steve let out, almost in awe.

Licking his thumb clean Bucky glanced over to him, “Did what?”

He gave Bucky a pointed look, “ _That_.” 

Giggling because he couldn’t help himself, Bucky pulled his knees in from under his dog and leaned firmly against the bottom cabinets, warmth spread across his cheeks and he could feel his ears pinking; immediately Steve was onto him, staring with a smile and pressing a kiss into his hair.

“You’re adorable, though kind of unfair I couldn’t really see your face in the bedroom.”

“You heard me though.” Bucky informed as he thought back and internally cringed at how he sounded. He should have been absolutely alright with the sounds he made except right then he just really wasn’t at all. Every playback of it sounded absolutely gross and he wished he could have edited that moment out.

“I did and thank you for it, you sounded so good.”

Bucky raised his brows, “What?”

Steve nodded, knowing exactly what Bucky was making personal faces about, “Not sure you noticed but the way you sounded was driving me crazy.”

Ducking his head away to the opposite side, Bucky shook his head, “No way.”

Elbowing him lightly, Steve vigorously nodded, “Yes way. It’s a little weird admitting this but I have to tell you, there’s been more than a few times you’ve been talking all seductive as a joke and I’ve had problems trying to hide..um, myself. If you get what I mean. I feel like it’s okay to admit that now but geez, it sounds awkward.”

Bucky only turned to gaze at Steve’s face a long moment, smiling softly and tilting his head closer so that Steve got the clear message and they both kissed.

“Same Steve, trust me. There was this one time you were sitting behind me on the couch while we stretched out and I wanted to rub my whole body against you. I was kinda hoping you woulda slipped your hand into my pants at the time instead of just rubbing soft circles into my skin too.”

Looking amused, Steve’s brows rose, “I could still do that you know.”

Breaking out in a laugh, Bucky nodded because he knew he could. His expression softened, “This is all so surreal for me still.”

“Yeah,” Steve agreed, “Me too. I’m still in this shock that you said yes, I’m still not sure I’m good enough for it and yet I would never give it up. You’re so special, Buck.”

Bucky frowned, a dark expression crossing his face as he rested his wrapper on the napkin Steve put to the side, “How do you do that?” His expression grew puzzled, “See me how I don’t?”

Turning his body a bit to face Bucky, Steve rested his cheek against the cabinets staring at him fondly as he reached over and brushed the back of his fingers along the curve of his cheek, “Maybe because you’re not looking at yourself the right way. I know I am.”

Bucky turned to mirror him, peering curiously and Steve opened his hand, cupping one side of his face, gaze fond as he gave him a smile. “You’re the only good thing about my day today.” 

Shaking his head, Bucky couldn’t answer him as knees stayed tucked between them but he ventured forward anyways to ask for another kiss.

*****

It was still early morning when Bucky found himself in bed, barely recalling how they managed to retire together for a rest and he had scarcely managed to stay coherent enough to climb in; his head hitting the pillow and just feeling faint signs in his tired cloudy mind that Steve was covering him with a blanket and murmuring something he couldn’t make out.

It took a few seconds to soak in the sound of jazz trailing into the bedroom, his arm wrapped around Steve’s pillow as he lifted his head groggily.

“Steve?”

It was morning but an hour or so from when Steve would usually go out with Sam and Bucky scrunched his nose in confusion, warily slipping out from under the covers and pulling on his bear robe to contain the warmth. He padded barefoot through the hall and followed the music, Nanook approaching from the living room to meet him by the bathroom before they both ventured into the living room and Steve sat on his work stool in his sweats and tank studying the painting sitting in front of him. 

He looked up from it, resting the brush down to haphazardly wipe his hands, “Hey, morning.”

“Hi. Inspired?”

A faint smile crossed his face as he glanced back at the artwork, extending his hand, “You could say that.”

Curious, Bucky took the offer and was careful around the easel, shimmying between Steve’s legs to sit on his thigh, an arm bracing around his waist as he stared at himself sitting on his own stool working on his sculptures. He laughed lightly, draping an arm around the blond’s neck, “You keep painting me and my father’s going to let you go, contract be damned.” 

Steve smirked, “I don’t know about that, they were one of the big ticket items in that silent auction during my show.” 

Sleep still taking over, Bucky hid his face against Steve’s neck feeling a kiss press into his hair as he cuddled into his radiating warmth. He listened to Steve chew on something, peeking over at his mouth, “What’re you eating?”

“I cut up some cantaloupe.” He said through one side of his mouth while he chewed, “Say ah.” He took a chunk of the fruit with his clean hand, bare fingers holding it to Bucky’s lips. Bucky couldn't help the way his face warmed, accepting it shyly as he was being watched, lips brushing against Steve’s strong fingers and catching how his boyfriend visibly seemed shaken up from it. 

Steve’s eyes went heavy-lidded and dark, humming in satisfaction as if he was the one who had just eaten something tasty.

Bucky blinked at him, swallowing the section of fruit before he let his mouth fall open slightly for more and Steve fed him another piece, gaze weighted through the intensity in the air. Bucky could feel his face flushing a darker shade of red, instinct wanting to turn away but also too distracted by Steve’s eyes watching him. Lifting his fingers, he stroked along Steve’s beard, catching him to press a kiss to his lips. The fingers at Bucky’s hip slipped under his shirt, a smooth wetness skimming along his skin, shuddering against his boyfriend's mouth as paint colored him an opaque brown. 

“You’re beautiful.” Steve mumbled, pushing his forehead against Bucky’s forehead. “Could paint you all day.”

All Bucky could do was let out a pleased noise of contentment, thoughts floating along that this was what Steve did to him. Soak him in protective safety that made him feel warm and adored, their noses brushing together as his lips formed a faint smile and his body shifted to his boyfriend’s wonderful touch.

“It’s the way you look at me.” Bucky finally admitted out loud.

Steve blinked, tilting his head back to really look at him as Bucky stared at him carefully, “Pardon me?”

“The way you look at me,” He repeated, glancing at his fingernails before tilting his head up to look at the walls, blinking back a wave of something strong coming over him, “There’s this way you look at me like you’re afraid all the time. Not of me being right there, more because you’re afraid I’ll disappear and it’s especially strong when you beg me to not leave or go away and I keep thinking..‘How can you even assume something like that with him, Buck?’. But you tell me things, you say things that are so raw and earnest while your eyes shine the bluest of blues and they should be happy but they’re also scared too. Because you’re afraid of what might happen for speaking your mind even though you can’t help yourself because it’s you and..and it just tells me, ‘That yes, I believe him because of the way he looks at me’.” 

Steve didn’t say a word, only staring at him and Bucky almost thought what he said was wrong. It was mildly startling when a hand came up, slow and careful, thumb skimming just barely along his cheek as the side of his hand perched just underneath Bucky’s chin. There was very faint to nothing there pressure as Steve moved in close, his nose softly tracing the tip of his as he tilted his head just a little to the side to fit the touch of their lips together.

“God, you’re so perfect.”

Bucky’s lashes lowered, feeling the heat collect in his belly again, he didn’t even realize he made a small noise he couldn’t help, a want for Steve to kiss him before he actually did and they both knew mutually the taste of delicate sweetness.

Drawing back gently, Bucky breathed in slowly and exhaled in the same way as he kept his forehead pressed close, “I’m still scared though, that this will destroy any dreams you have for the future.”

Steve stubbornly shook his head, “I want you here, with me. You want to be here too, I know that. Making a living off my paintings because it makes me happy, family, friendship and everything further on that road I want us to do together. All the good things I want are worth it but only if you’re there with me. If I’m told I can’t have those things unless I give you up,” He swallowed thickly, “Then so be it, Buck. You’re worth giving things up for.”

Bucky’s bottom lip trembled and he fought courageously to refrain from the flush of heat pressing at his cheeks just seconds before tears spilled and he tried to hide himself away. He couldn’t understand why Steve spoke like this, why he was so ready to give up everything like this. He deserved to have everything he wanted without adjusting for him, dropping everything for him, it wasn’t right. Not to him.

*****

Saturday demanded Bucky return back at home, staring blankly at the crystal chandelier as his mother made accusations and demanded answers the moment she found out about the decision he had made, _without her_ , as if he would have even presented the concept of Steve being with him as something he had to speak to her about.

It was so weirdly different this time, sitting straight and absorbing words with a blanked out expression, only occasional blinks telling her he was even present while she practically did everything but become violent. He was pretty sure that was only because she was genuinely in shock of what he did and knowing her, she probably deeply was.

“ -And you’re here. Here James, _alone_ , while he’s off gallivanting with Tony Stark. Do you truly enjoy allowing history to repeat itself on you? You must have a very skewed sense of what is good for you, putting yourself through pain for some reason. This is why you have a doctor, this is why we have to monitor you, James! You cannot make decisions like this on your own, this man is _using_ you. He chose to leave you and see that man instead, what does that make him?”

Bucky glanced out the window, thinking about her words and the thought of Steve and Tony. They were hanging out together and he knew that, it was fine. Right? He usually wasn’t jealous but he was really feeling insecure about it all, the image of that kiss popping up in his head again and he hated it. Now they were what? Attending some grand opening to some free clinic, of course Steve went to support his friend. Sam had gone too. Why wouldn’t Steve? His mind pictured a hand resting on Tony’s shoulder as he spoke to press and the way he was looking at him so proud while everyone clapped. Why was it such a big _deal_? 

He froze, snapping out of it and turning around as eyes narrowed his mother’s way, finger pointed at her before he rose to his feet, “ _Do not_ turn me against him. I won’t let you.” 

“Let you?” She scoffed with widened eyes before looking down at her cup and picking it up with the saucer to hold it as she went to take a sip, “Look at you, all wound up for no reason. I’m doing no such thing. If you feel so insecure about your friend spending time with Tony Stark, maybe you should look at yourself instead of throwing blame on me. All I was doing was making small talk, my dear. You’re ruining your life all by yourself and pulling your father and I down with you.” 

Bucky knew she clearly wasn’t just small talking but couldn’t shake off the uncomfortable sensation prickling at the back of his neck, his mothers eyes boring into him as he pulled his phone out after it vibrated against his thigh and Steve’s image was there smiling back at him. His eyes met with his mother’s as she gave him an admonishing look and he only defied her by answering, slowly lifting the cell to his ear and drawing in a careful breath, “Hi Steve.” 

“Hey Buck,” He paused suddenly, “You okay? You sound a little- ”

“I’m at home, with mama. She told me I had to come over for some business..and well, we’re still waiting for an important phone call so it’s taking longer than planned.” 

“Or is she holding you kidnapped there?” Steve let out bitterly.

Brows shot up in surprise and he was shaking his head before he could even answer, “It’s not like that Steve.”

Bucky didn’t miss the way his mother’s eyes perked in mild interest over her teacup as she took another sip, legs crossing one of the other and giving her head a small tilt. He turned and walked away, heading towards his library.

“There’s still a call to wait for, young man.” 

“I’ll be in the library!” 

There was no answer but he was sure she had heard him, disappearing behind the heavy wooden doors he drew in a soft sigh finally glad to be alone with his boyfriend.

“Hi, sorry.” 

The phone was muffled for a moment, Steve’s voice muddled before he came back, “Hey, are you okay?” 

Screwing his mouth up in curiosity, he said nothing about it, “Yeah, I’m okay. How’s your, um..Stark grand opening thing.” 

Steve chuckled, “It’s going.” Bucky tried not to resent how all concern was gone and he sounded lighter all of a sudden, “Tony’s trying to convince me to drink a lot more champagne than the one glass I’ve been nursing _very_ politely.” 

“You’re a bore, Rogers.” Stark piped up in the background.

Pressing his lips together, Bucky shook it off. “So, are you gonna be home soon?” 

There was a pause and then Steve sounded closer to his phone, “I don’t know yet, the gang wanted to branch off and hang out a little bit. Do you want me to come back? I can if you want me to.” 

“Oh, no. I was just asking. Have fun with your friends, Stevie. I should go though, I need to help with something..”

Steve hesitated, “Are you sure?” 

“Very sure. I can call you later. Bye.” 

“Sure..” Steve trailed, sounding unsure about getting off but resigning to it, “I’ll talk to you later.”

A minute hadn’t even passed before Steve sent him a text message with just one heart on it and Bucky let his shoulders ease down as he inhaled and closed his eyes for a long moment. His immediate thoughts were to curl up and hide, bury his nose in a book while huddled in his high back armchair but then he thought better of it. He decided instead to go for a swim, it wasn’t like he was going anywhere else if the call could take as long as over an hour to wait for. He hadn’t done it in so long after all the bullshit he had to wade through and laps did him in, distracted him like when he wanted to sculpt and since he had too much pent up emotion around him, being creative with steady hands was a no-go. He needed to escape out of his head and there was only one way he really knew how to do that.

*****

Bucky was waiting back at the apartment without Steve later on, hearing keys and the thumbnail parked between his teeth suddenly pulled away, Nanook wiggling out of the blankets he had crawled under to lay on the couch with him so he could greet Steve and slowly Bucky willed himself out of them as well. He didn’t have to show Steve any bruises today and he knew he would be looking for them unsure of later but for now, he was okay.

“Hey boy!” Steve call out when Nanook tried to tackle him the best he could, powerful front paws trying to bat his shoulders downwards.

Steve turned his attention to Bucky the first moment he could get the dog to calm down. All day all he could think of while out was his boyfriend and when he had more private moments away from conversations with people, how good Bucky sounded and felt against him. He wanted to do more with him, explore things together, the thoughts and ideas making him hot beneath his collar as he tried forcing himself to get out of that state of mind despite how badly he wanted to break under Bucky’s ministrations. 

It was really distracting to say the least and he just wanted to get home to him just to be in his orbit. That was all family orientated on his way back home until just now when Bucky stood up to walk over.

“What are you wearing?”

Bucky looked down at himself, suddenly forgetting whatever he was stressing about as his insecurity about his body kicked into high gear, Steve’s favorite hoodie pulled on over grey wool leggings that were..also Steve’s. “Me? Oh the leggings, I was doing laundry and you had a bunch in your drawer for wearing under your sweats when you’re jogging so I pulled some on and they were kinda comfortable and I hope you’re not mad?”

Steve gawked at him for a few seconds and Bucky absolutely froze, waiting for him to tell him he looked ridiculous except those words never came, hands pressing to his hips and Bucky hesitated as he stared at Steve.

“Mad? I’m definitely not mad, _wow_. Excuse me for a second because,” Steve gave him an apologetic expression before Bucky was twirled around, shoulders pressing to Steve’s magnificent pecs then he was physically stopped after a full three sixty while his mind was still reeling in surprise.

“Permission to manhandle?”

Dizzy and a little humored, kind of getting the gist of Steve’s look of surprise, Bucky blinked a few seconds, “What? Yeah okay?”

Wrapping arms around him, Steve’s large warm hands stroked down the back of his thighs as he pressed his face against Bucky’s cheek, “These feel amazing when you got ‘em on.”

Shivering to his touch, Bucky arched into him and hummed out pleasantly. “You’re not..mad?”

“Fuck would I be mad for? Have you _seen_ you in skinny jeans?” Steve murmured into Bucky’s jaw, nuzzling his skin, “Of course you have, so you should know I like what I see when I look because for months you’ve been driving me insane and now in my leggings. Jesus, Buck.” 

A relieved giggle slipped out of Bucky, and all over again he wondered what he was so freaked out about, wrapping his arms tightly around his boyfriend’s neck again as Steve had his fill of stroking his outer thighs in fondness. 

“You can go a little north, I won’t fault you for it.” Bucky whispered softly, almost shy as he avoided Steve’s blues but was smiling a little because he wanted him to touch him, _everywhere_. 

It took a few seconds for Steve to realize what he was allowed to do, a silent _oh_ slipped from his lips as he pressed a kiss to Bucky’s cheek and fingers crept upwards but hesitated.

“These really do look good on you.” He whispered softly by his ear and Bucky curled into his warmth.

Fingers tugged the end of the large bulky sweater up and they sat bunched at his waist, air prickling the small sliver of skin left exposed at his back just above the top of the leggings and he felt his face warm to the exposure despite Steve not looking directly at his butt nor was anyone else. It was still a bit awkward to be treated with such a focus on his body by someone he didn’t want hurting him. It was different with Jo and it was difficult to really rationalize why because he wanted to believe Steve, he did so much but he was nervous and afraid. Doubts curling in and settling around his heart whenever he was distracted and people telling him he was only going to find pain from this despite friends he trusted telling him he was finally getting something he wholly deserved. 

He whined softly, arms slipping into sleeves all of a sudden and he worked himself out of it, his hole riddled Led Zeppelin shirt underneath and he folded his arms in between them, settling in Steve’s arms happily. 

Steve hugged Bucky close to him, dropping the fascination of his tight leggings on him and the way he wanted to ogle the way Bucky’s ass looked in them; instead he pressed a kiss to his temple and brushed his nose along the spot. “You alright?”

Bucky nodded against him, keeping quiet and despite Steve knowing something was up, he didn’t push it but he was pretty sure it had to do with Tony which they had to start building a bridgework for, rubbing soothing circles against his back and leading him to the couch so they could sit together with the blankets.

“Hear me out Buck. If there’s any problem or if someone says something the wrong way to you about us, you gotta let me know so we can work it out. I need to know when you’re upset or off so I can help you, I want you to be able to communicate with me as best as you can because I can’t read your mind and I know you’re hurting inside..like right now.”

“I just don’t really..” Bucky trailed off, shrugging his shoulders.

Steve nodded, “I’d like you to try at least. I just want to give you a standing rule to attempt communicating the best you can with me. I wanna know when you feel different, or off, so that I can help.” 

Steve understood how hard the request was no matter how simple he put it. He does. He could kind of relate when he had his own off days missing his ma and anxiety as well as loneliness sank its claws deep into his flesh and debilitated him. He knew the choking sensation of trying to speak when he wanted to but couldn’t because of his grief, made it hard to think. Bucky had similar actions even if not the same reasons, they were still something he could see a bit of. But Steve was now his boyfriend, and he wanted to be a great one, he wanted Bucky not to be afraid of things and give him what he had always said he would give him if he got the chance to be with him and that was to show him how he deserved to be treated. He just couldn’t do that, unfortunately, if Bucky kept their communication stilted. 

Frowning softly, he could see Bucky about to object but then think better of it, sifting the blankets so he could share and get into them. Steve offered to pull a corner loose out of the tangle to help him out but mainly stayed still to watch him and keep the whole space between them simple and not overbearing. 

He knew that his friends adjusted well to him by being oversensitive to his nature instead of talking too much about his moods. It was how they knew without needing him to say anything but Steve couldn’t necessarily perfect that ability like they could. He also knew how difficult it would be, sometimes fairly easy for Bucky to be pushed into some high level of emotion and scream it out but other times wanted to keep it to himself and clammed up in some discipline to himself. He knew his rampant anxiety and fears of punishment for not doing what was expected of him made it hard for him to rationalize speaking out for himself but he couldn’t be of help to Bucky if Bucky wasn’t able to express himself and communicate to him fully. He knew he has had to tell him a few times and this would not be the last but he was hopeful.

Nanook raised his head and saw them settled in, trotting over to leap onto the couch and join in, Steve only had enough time to catch the sound of a small crack before the dog was hopping back off and he was pulling Bucky onto his lap unsure of what was going to happen when suddenly the couch collapsed underneath them. 

Steve ended up laid out over the arm sideways with Bucky looking down at him in shocked surprise before he looked back and snorted lightly, seconds before a full out laugh came out of him and Steve couldn’t help himself, hands bracing Bucky’s shaking body at his hips and joining in with him. He shook his head with a roll of his eyes as they slowly calmed down, Nanook coming over to investigate the mess and bump his nose against Bucky’s cheek. 

He turned to cradle Nook's head with his hands, pressing a kiss between his eyes, “You broke the couch! How did you do that?”

Nanook only licked his face in answer before looking down at Steve and licking his face as well.

Wiping his cheek with a grin, he reached up when Bucky peered down at him, hand cupping Bucky’s cheek gently ignoring the wood digging at his back. 

Turning in his hand, Bucky kisses his palm, “I guess we have to make plans to take you couch shopping. Finally.” 

Rolling his eyes, they both worked to stand up, “It wasn’t that bad of a couch.”

*****

There was something really domestic about getting to this point in their lives even if Bucky didn’t see it that way and maybe that was a good thing. Steve still remembered the first couple nights Bucky had spent at his place, taking the couch and complaining about it and now they were here, holding hands and entering Ikea in an effort to get a comfortable and decent looking new one.

It was such a couples thing, furniture shopping, a thing people did when they were intending to share a home together. Steve couldn’t hide the look of goofy happiness brimming over even if it wasn’t what was exactly going on. Still, it worked towards what he wanted happening because of how he felt about Bucky already. It was just that he had to keep his eagerness to a minimum so not to freak the hell out of his boyfriend who was currently eyeing everything brightly lit in his immediate vicinity in the enormous warehouse-sized furniture store.

That was immediately something Steve had to keep in mind for, with Nanook in the apartment, he had to avoid nothing too overly big, a two cushioned one would work for the time being. The old armchair he had was still fine and he saw no reason to upgrade both if one was still in working order.

“Are you picking fabric or leather? You know what I like?” Bucky voice interrupted, a little playful as he eyed Steve with a bite of his lip. Steve felt himself be pulled from one way to another, the gesture adorable but also a little too devilish for his liking with the innuendo already slipping in. He knew the expression he was probably holding wasn’t affecting Bucky in any way at the very least and he only raised his brows curiously. His boyfriend only mused,“Leather feels nice.”

“Behave yourself.” Steve immediately quipped back under his breath as he looked away, eyes scanning bedroom layouts as their first section introduction.

The perfect string of laughter reaching his ears told him Bucky definitely didn’t plan on being good, feeling him move in closer to his body and hug his arm until he was entirely pressed up next to him with his head against the side of his own. “That’s boring.” 

The thought of swatting Bucky in the ass probably wasn’t a good way of rectifying the situation while they following the route lines marked on the floor that led them around. Plus his arm was held hostage anyway and Steve was sharply focused on getting to the living room area before Bucky saw anything that was advertised for children in the bedroom sets and abruptly refused to leave the area until he got what he wanted.

There was a sharp inhale and a delay as Steve caught sight of a desk lamp he liked the look of that they were about to pass.

“Stevie look, it’s a Blåhaj!”

Steve didn’t even have to turn his way to know that Bucky wanted it and would definitely get it just from the tone of his voice and that the fact he already learned how to pronounce its name in Swedish meant it was something that stole his heart. He turned his way after a quick check on the lamp’s price and saw a giant blue shark laid out across a netting designated for stuffed animals. There was a square bin nearby that was stuffed to the brim with soft toys to take and Bucky broke away from him to wrestle one of the sharks out. It was easily half his height and he hugged it tightly to his chest before they continued on, fingers tangling with his as they held hands and Steve slowly began to notice all the little bits of Bucky that were cues of how he, probably unintentionally, convinced others to give him what he wanted.

He contemplated teasing Bucky for it, but instead he only leaned closer to him and pressed a kiss into his hair after giving his hand a squeeze. “I’m not sharing the bed with your new friend there. We already have a direwolf trying to crawl into bed with us during the middle of the night. The fact that you encourage him to doesn’t help the situation.”

Bucky scoffed, eyes rolling with it, “I don’t encourage anything, and he knows exactly when you’re okay with him on the bed. You ever notice him on the bed when you don’t want him to be? Doesn’t he move away when you want him to? He’s a very smart baby.”

“Mhm.” Steve hummed as they moved along with others and eventually reached the living room demos before Bucky could convince him to renovate his whole entire kitchen with sleek stainless steel _and_ complete it with a range that held double ovens.

Jesus, he was going to have to get a new place soon at this rate.

“So,” Steve scanned the whole area of couches and all their relatable furnishings, “What should I focus on, fabric or leather? I know what _you_ would pick but what about me?”

Bucky ran his fingers along the top of one, not looking his way despite the corner of his mouth quirking upward, “You told me to behave.”

“We’re talking about the sofa material right now.” 

Grey eyes met his and Steve shook his head before Bucky even said a word. Evidently Bucky took it as a sign to not say a word, instead he kept his eyes trained on him before gracefully dropping backwards onto one of the off white fabric couches, his body bouncing against the springiness it was offering. One arm draped against his forehead in a faux damsel imitation and more than a few pairs of eyes looked his way in more than curious ways.

Steve rolled his eyes, “Get up.” 

“But it’s comfy despite how leather is really appealing to me.”

Snorting, Steve checked the price tag, “Yeah. I bet.” 

He took the punch to his thigh in stride, eyeing up a leather monstrosity fit for a large group like Brock had and he turned away from it to look at a black one closer to what he was looking for. 

“That one looks nice except in the summer my ass is going to stick to it if you don’t have air conditioning.”

“Or you could just, I don’t know. Move in and pay for air conditioning.” Steve mumbled out dryly, not completely thinking through his words as he tried to mentally pronounce some of the words printed out in Swedish on the tag. It wasn’t until Bucky had grabbed a bunch of his Henley and pulled him close, the expression on his face curious but also too much of something else while he leaned against the back of the furniture.

“Is that what you want?”

Nudging their foreheads together, Steve came back to reality and nodded, slipping his arms around Bucky’s waist as he braced him against the showroom couch. Pressing a soft gentle kiss to Bucky’s awaiting mouth, he couldn’t help himself but smile, “Of course it’s what I want. I want you around all the time so naturally, since you’re always usually there anyways, I would love for you to live with me.” 

That same expression crossed Bucky’s face, the one where he didn’t believe him but was appreciative of the offer either way and Steve didn’t let up this time because he was serious and maybe it was too quick but he wanted it on the table to cement his feelings further to Bucky.

“I mean it, Buck. Whenever you want to move in. I’ll be there, waiting for you. Live with me.”

Eyes met his, mouth forming words but unsure of what to say a few moment, “We’ve barely been dating..”

“We’ve been dating the moment we started talking. You _know_ we have. You’ve been wanting me and I’ve been wanting you and we did everything but be really intimate with each other and we were still toeing lines, Buck. Don’t tell me you didn’t see all of that.”

Drawing in a deep breath, Bucky nodded as he looked down in shame, “I know. I never meant to become so attached to you when we rekindled everything..”

Steve reached up, cupping Bucky’s face with his hands and softly getting him to look his way, “We both never meant it. I’m so attached to you, you know I am.”

Nodding to his words, Bucky huffed out a small sigh of defeat and Steve felt better about him not fighting it out as he raised hands to press them against Steve’s and watched him tilt his head to press a kiss to his lips and he returned the gesture. 

“You’re one of the most important people in my life, Buck. Don’t ever forget that.”

The blush was bright across Bucky’s cheeks and he smiled shyly as his eyes drew away to look at anything but Steve right then, “You’re important to me too, Stevie..”

Steve pressed a kiss to his forehead and they would have stayed and lingered in their space if it wasn’t for an abrupt squeal of two children running by that brought them back to the present that they were standing in the middle of a Ikea making googly eyes at each other.

“Oh my God. Are we going to end up being stupid like this _all the time_?”

Steve was sure he was grinning like an idiot, delicately pulling away and helping Bucky straighten up with a slight tug of his hand resting at his hip, “I hope so.” 

Surprise crossed Bucky’s face seconds before it sunk in and he rolled his eyes, giving Steve’s chest a playful slap, “You’re ridiculous. Come on, we were here for a new place to sit.” 

They moved in deeper through the showroom floor, further surrounded by multiple layouts of prop living rooms complete with bookshelves and various knickknacks and decor that Ikea also sold. Armchairs and loveseats accompanying the rooms as well as plants and thick luxurious area rugs next to entertainment stands holding false televisions. 

Steve mainly watched Bucky moving from couch to couch sitting down and making comical expressions on his face while he wiggled his butt about on the material or leaned in a specific way for lazying about while he felt it out with his hand. Occasionally he would shake his head or utter out a ‘no, not this one’ and Steve didn’t follow through with why, too busy following along with him or on random pointing to something that caught his own eye so that the Bucky sit test could be applied to it. 

Steve’s hopes were dashed that Bucky found one when he was spending more time on a beige couch, long enough to bring his legs up and lay out with his hands resting over his stomach. He had made a small noise of confirmation as he sat up again and gave the cushion a couple of punches to see if they would spring back quickly enough. He finally stood as he kept looking it over but ultimately walked away from it.

“Is that a no?” Steve inquired as he dropped in stride with him.

“Definitely a no.” 

“I didn’t know you had so many feelings about sofas.”

“How can you not?” Bucky shot back with a shrug. “It has to be a long lasting purchase and you just have to love it, you know? You wanna be able to lay on it, sit on it, drape over it. That other one was pokey and annoying. I mean yeah I laid out on it quite a few times but it was awful and stiff on my back.”

Biting back a smile, Steve only nodded with as much seriousness as he could muster, staring at some kind of art deco couch he really couldn’t understand that had some shell style shape to it with wood framing at the top of it. Bucky wrenched his arm to get his attention and shook his head at him.

“Don’t you even dare look at that ugly thing.”

“What?” Steve took his arm back, pressing it to the small of Bucky’s back and giving it a light rub, “It’s my couch.”

“You want me to move in?” Bucky spied a smokey grey colored fabric couch and turned down the obscure aisle path for it, “Don’t pick that one.” 

Feeling giddy at his words, Steve followed suit, crowding behind Bucky and planting his hands at the waist of his jeans and pressing a kiss to his cheek, “You like that one?” 

Tilting his head to accommodate him, Bucky nodded in affirmation, “It’s a nice color, looks like that brown one I was sitting on but a tiny bit smaller and I really liked that brown one, it just seemed kind of in the way of our walking space. You know?” 

“I do.” He nudged Bucky gently towards it, “Go, put it to the test.” 

Almost shy, he hesitated a few steps and looked back over his shoulder. Steve could only give him an encouraging smile and Bucky was off, going through his little checks as his palm roamed over the material and he sat down before placing himself in various different positions. 

Steve approached as he stood near the end of the couch, reaching a hand to feel out the armrest for himself just before Bucky tugged him gently to come sit down on the cushions next to him. It had the right amount of softness, not too firm and but not giving in too much where it was caving to his weight and making grooves already. 

Bucky stretched out his legs, tilting a little sideways so his arm draped against the armrest at the other end, tipping his head back as he let his eyes close. Steve could only stare and he tried his best not to smile too fondly unless he wanted Bucky to put up a fuss over the way he acted over him. Not always something he could help though. It was just difficult to avoid right then, picturing this one in the apartment with Bucky napping where he was, a book face down on his lap and Nanook probably squishing in between them with his head resting on Bucky’s thigh. Lamp light or the colors from the television would play across him in soft hues and the lines of worry were gone from his face, Bucky safe to just rest. A quiet space of time for both of them, sharing life as a couple and growing together.

“I can tell you’re looking at me without even opening my eyes.” Bucky informed him lightly, mouth forming a small smile.

Steve moved in closer beside him, draping an arm behind his neck and bending it in to run his fingers along strands of his hair as Bucky shifted to cuddle in closer, “I like this couch.”

“Do you now?”

“I do.” He reaffirmed with a nod despite Bucky not seeing it. “Do you like it enough to pose for me on it?”

Bucky hummed in confirmation, breathing in deeply and then slowly exhaling, “Do _you_ like it enough to draw while sitting on it?”

“I do.”

Steve watched Bucky open one eye and look his way, having obvious trouble trying to keep his lips from smiling too wide, “Will you make out with me on it?”

Chuckling softly, Steve leaned in to press a kiss to his mouth, “I will.” 

They lingered a few minutes on their newly chosen piece of furniture and Bucky brought a hand up to lace their fingers together. He closed his eyes once more and stole kisses in the middle of the store while the only thing Steve thought about was how every little activity he did now was magical when Bucky was involved too.

*****

Sunday was something new and exciting all of a sudden to Steve and by the expression Bucky was giving him, he felt the same way. Their hands reached out towards each other almost without thought just as they got to the top of the landing steps and cross the welcome mat as Steve tried the door and felt it give. Nanook followed along with them, ears perking as he continued inside and Lucky arrived seconds in to alert anyone in visual or hearing distance, a whine breaking out as he directly went for Bucky who was dropping to his knees with arms out and they greeted each other.

Steve grinned, moving around the dogs and his boyfriend (Still a term that was very new and amazing), a plastic bag in hand as he rested it on the counter next to Clint who was setting the table, quickly giving him greetings before going back into his work. 

Natasha breezed by with a bowl of salad and gave him a smile but Steve lightly tugged at her sleeve to get her to stop, turning her head as he flashed her a smile, “Hi back, where should I put the..” He paused in thought before refocusing, “ -The mititei?”

Nat juggled the bowl against her chest with one arm and reached out to pinch his cheek lightly as she smiled wider up at him, “Someone’s practicing, that’s so cute and there’s a serving plate you can put them on if they’re still warm, if not just stick them in the oven in a baking dish for a few minutes while it’s still hot. Just make sure Clint doesn’t get a hold of them or else it won’t even make it to the table.”

Steve tried to shrink away from her fingers going for another pinch, playfully pushing her aside as he nodded to instructions with a laugh and Bucky came into the kitchen to stand by Jack who was taking the roast beef out.

“Looks good, I’m starving.” 

“What’s new?” Jack shot back with a smirk, “I made you that three cheese mac you like.” 

Brows rose in surprise, “You did?”

Steve watched as Bucky suddenly begin snooping under anything covered in foil, finding it sitting off to the side of the stove, fingers pinched as he tried to lift the foil up while it was still hot and making small pained noises until he was able to reveal it while doing some version of a happy dance by bouncing off the balls of his socked feet.

Jack was trying not to smile, ducking his face away while pretending to look for something and Steve chuckled to himself, wandering into the sitting area to stand beside Sam who was watching Brock wrestle with the dogs and laughing too much about it. He clapped a hand on his friend’s shoulder and they gave each other fond smiles, “How are you doing, Sam?”

“I’m doing great.” He bumped his shoulder affectionately to Steve’s, smile softening as he carefully looked him over, “You look like you’re glowing, honeymoon phase looks great on you.”

Steve’s face went a new shade of tomato red, a hand reaching up to rub at his unruly beard just because, “I don’t _glow_. I just feel really good.”

Sam reached out, draping an arm around broad shoulders, “You two seem to be really happy, I didn’t say this yet in person so I just wanna tell you how glad I am for you. I really am.”

Bowing his head away, Steve nodded to his words before slowly meeting his gaze again, “Thanks Sam, slow baby steps, right?”

“Right.”

Jack approached, tapping Sam on the shoulder, “You’re up in a few minutes when the meat’s rested. All the sides are out on the table.”

Brows shot up and Sam grinned, “Thanks, get ready you two. About to get the best slices of beef in your life!”

Steve jokingly rolled his eyes, “It’s just a roast, Sam.”

“Just a roast?” Sam scoffed in mock surprise, “You’re uninvited to Sunday dinner, Nat I uninvited Steve.” 

Giving a hum of approval, Natasha didn’t look up as she continued filling glasses with water, “That’s nice Sam, I trust your judgment.” 

“Hey! Don’t I get a say in this?” Steve exclaimed, hands going up in protest.

Bucky shot him a smirk, “You must have said something very wrong Stevie, I like Sam better than you so if you upset him you gotta go. I’m sorry, it’s the rules.”

Clint snickered, trying not to drop the salad serving bowls in hand and Steve pointed his finger at his boyfriend, “That’s cold, Buck. Next time you want something from me, I’ll remember that.”

“Don’t worry, I got you wrapped around my finger.” Bucky drawled, turning back to the fridge for something as the room broke out in a playful taunting Ooo’s at Steve’s expense.

Steve couldn’t shoot anything back, raising his hands up higher in surrender and throwing in the towel with a gentle smile. Jack shook his head his way, extending a hand and Steve took it, both shaking before he was pulled into a hug, a firm slap hitting his back. 

He leaned into it a few seconds before they drew back and Jack smiled kindly, “Hey I also wanted to say I’m happy for the both of you. I’m ecstatic he wants to go forward with a relationship and you two are doing great but I should give you the obligatory ‘if you hurt him I’ll murder you’ speech that’s completely different from Brock’s because unlike him, I know how to hide a body and not make a mess.” 

Bucky opened his mouth to protest when he overheard what was being said on his approach to the pair but Steve only raised his hand to stop him, wrapping his arm around his boyfriend’s waist with a grin, eyes locked to Jack’s as he gave him a knowing nod. “That’s definitely fair, but you don’t have to worry Jack, he’s more likely to hurt me than the other way around.”

Gasping in surprise, Bucky smacked Steve’s chest firmly, “I would never do that!” He paused, “Well I would never do that on purpose.”

“I know you wouldn’t.” He pressed a kiss to Bucky’s temple and the warring thoughts etched on his boyfriend’s face from the comment seemed to melt away, cuddling closer before hiding his face against Steve’s neck.

Jack smirked, fondness in his eyes there was no way he could disguise right then. He gave Steve a wink, turning to head to the living room so he could wrangle Brock out from the dog pile he was currently stuck under.

“I made apple pie, Buck.” Sam called out.

“I love you Sam.” Bucky automatically blurted out as he turned his head to look his way, “Ice cream?”

Sam nodded solemnly, a hand over his heart while still holding the carving knife with three fingers looking like someone trying to recite the Pledge of Allegiance during some cooking contest, “Brought a pint of freshly churned vanilla bean goodness from that small little ice cream shop by my place I was telling you about, you’ll die for more.”

Slapping his hands together, Bucky grinned, “I’m ready!”

Steve mused over the interaction, _all_ of them with Bucky, like they were presenting someone powerful with food to appease them. He loved it, adored the fact people wanted to make an effort for him, wanted him to be happy. Gave him a place to rely on and despite Steve trying to do that all on his own with just himself; he knew it wasn’t just him and that there were his friends too, and with some bumps and bruises were also Steve’s friends and then there was also Sam, taking Bucky in under his wing the best he could without interfering with that perfect balance the others had. Just enough to tell him he was there if needed and the warmth in Steve’s heart could barely contain itself. All good people trying to best surround him with the love and support Bucky so sorely needed on a constant basis.

After dinner when the dishes were cleared and leftovers were divided for anyone wanting to take some home or going into the fridge, Sam had doled out servings of deliciously warm gooey apple pie that was topped with a heaping scoop of ice cream gently melting away on top. Clint was close by making a couple requested cups of herbal tea and coffee for the rest of the group. 

Afterwards Bucky combated the sink full of dishes with Steve on drying duty and he couldn’t help himself but playfully hip bump into his boyfriend a few times, trying his best not to throw suds his way. It wasn’t like Steve wasn’t feeding off the affection and how stupidly elated he was over everything as he stared shamelessly at Bucky. It was just extra doses of it and making him feel more happy than he could ever think.

They finished, drying off hands as he nudged him with his elbow lightly, “You’re pretty happy tonight.” 

Bucky glanced his way with a smirk, “And why not?” 

“Anything in particular?”

Eyeing him, Bucky shrugged, “Company.”

“And me?”

“Maybe a little bit of you.”

Steve chuckled, “Well thank you for being happy because I’m around.”

Chewing at his lip, Bucky shrugged as if he didn’t care one way or another, “Not happy, I just tolerate you.” 

“Oh,” Steve’s brows rose in mock surprise as they walked side by side towards the living room, “Just settling with me as company?”

Bucky shrugged, “I guess.”

Making a heavy sound of a sigh, Steve pulled his boyfriend in and planted a kiss on top of Bucky’s head watching as he tilted his face so they met their mouths together and Steve was determined to memorize the exact way those lips fit against his own, never tiring over the way Bucky melted in his arms.

“Come on, lovebirds. It’s movie time.” Sam piped up as he walked by with an elbow stabbing Steve in the ribs.

Bucky was led over to the loveseat that had one of the blankets waiting for them on it and he dropped himself down beside Steve after he sat so that he could sit and cradle himself between Steve’s legs. He caught Brock looking over with an expression he couldn’t really understand, seemingly a mix of wariness as well as vague almost nonexistent curiosity. Bucky smiled at him and Brock blinked out of whatever it was he was doing, the smile he gave back slightly tight, maybe forced before Jack nudged him to show him something on his phone and Bucky tried his best not to make anything out of it knowing this probably wasn’t something he could completely accept but everyone knew he had to. 

“Hey.”

Startling, Bucky tilted his head toward his shoulder, Steve’s hand at the opposite one sitting warm and comforting, “Yeah?”

“You alright? You feel tense.” Concern sat laced in Steve’s voice.

Nodding with a smile, Bucky leaned back against his chest and allowed himself to relax, the hand at his shoulder sliding down his arm in a soft massage and a kiss pressed into his hair as he watched Clint and Sam go through pros and cons of which movie they should watch, each holding a dvd case in the air. Natasha sat at the corner of the other couch bundled in blankets and working on a second slice of pie as she laughed at the both of them; Jack and Brock were still viewing whatever was on Jack’s phone but from the way the blanket fell over them he could see Jack’s other hand rubbing at Brock’s thigh idly, most likely unconsciously while Brock pressed against his side as he made a face seemingly ready to comment at whatever they looked at. He settled back in towards the television when they finally agreed on a movie and Sam went to put his choice on.

Steve got up to get a drink almost halfway through, trying to choose between a local craft beer or a bottle of sparkling water when he felt a kick to his heel and looked up to see Brock walking past him, coat in hand and slipping on shoes with an unlit cigarette in his mouth.

He hesitated following after him, watching the back door close as the man slipped outside and he turned back towards the sitting room to see Jack napping and the others watching the screen. Exhaling as he made a choice, grabbing his own coat and pulling on shoes, sneaking away outside to see what Brock wanted.

Outside in the chilly near dark, Steve swallowed hard. He still found it unnerving to be alone with Brock, like being around a skittish animal that used teeth to make points. It didn’t help that he was quiet and shut down mostly the whole evening. It was uncharacteristic of him and it made Steve wonder if he was upset despite no one else really noticeably questioning his mood despite getting the feeling they all knew. If it carried on, Bucky could become unhappy and Steve really didn’t want that happening.

So he was here, out in the cold pretending to be nonchalant despite the fact that he didn’t smoke and there was no real reason to be out here except to talk to Brock. “So Brock, how’re you doing?”

There was a heavy uncomfortable silence as he was being stared at scrutinizingly from across the deck.

“Ain’t gotta pretend to be friendly. I don’t give a fuck s’long as it makes him happy.” Brock paused in thought, “He talks t’ya. Ya gotta be good for him.” He stopped, fishing out a lighter from deep within his pocket.

“Don’t gotta act like nothin’s happenin’, I jus want- ” He focused on his cigarette, taking a drag as his other hand aimlessly gestured that he had a point, “I need ‘im to be happy. It’s so fuckin’ important that no matter what, he is. He talks to ya, I know he does. He has his ways with people, but besides us, it’s jus you he talks to in some other manner. He don’t do that with anyone else, ya gotta be good for ‘im.”

It almost sounded like he was pleading, like murder wasn’t on their conversation block floating around because he wasn’t sure how much of that was a false threat and how much of it wasn’t. He went to answer when Bucky stuck his head out as little as possible, Steve could see even from the sliver of the door ajar that he was bundled in a comforter looking like a blanket monster. It made him smile.

“What are you two doing?”

It was the most casual leveled voice Steve had ever heard from Bucky when he found the both of them alone together. He always anticipated bad news and he didn’t blame him for it. Oddly it was the same moment he wasn’t getting some version of the shovel talk, with real shovels and Steve took it as a good thing. It made him think if there were stores open he would try to buy a lottery ticket to top off the evening. 

Brock held his cigarette between his lips, holding his hands up in surrender, gruffly saying something in slow Italian that was clearly only for Bucky to understand, careful because Steve had been told before by Bucky that he wasn’t very fluent with it.

_“So you’re gonna really do this huh? I hope he makes you happy.”_

Bucky smiled softly, glancing at Steve staring blankly at the both of them obviously lost in the Italian, returning to stare at Brock, _“He does make me happy.”_ His eyes glinted in mischievousness before be continued, _“Gives good head too.”_

Brock stared at him a long moment before he burst out laughing, startling Steve slightly and Bucky’s lips curved up in a slightly hesitant smile, eyes not moving off his friend.

Brows going up in silent question to the both of them, Steve said nothing and Bucky only shrugged back in response. Brock’s gaze stared off into the distance, past the horizon that was all white, fighting with nightfall and blanketed in rolling clouds and the ongoing fog. It was endless and open for him and he turned back to his company, exhaling smoke and stubbing the cigarette out in the snow melted ashtray. His hands slipped into his coat as he shook his head, “Jus talkin’ about nothin’ and everythin’.”

He flashed Steve an innocent smile before looking back towards Bucky who shook his head at him but smiled nonetheless. 

It didn’t matter either way if Steve believed him or not, just like the endless horizon, neither mattered to him when the one he wanted to keep happy because he deserved it was there staring back at him like he was so damn important.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah so I took more time than I had planned. I didn't want to force myself to write if I didn't feel like it and I was hitting a place where I had the plans in my head but they weren't coming out correctly in my words. While I rested though, I was able to join a Shrunkyclunks bang and get most of the groundwork done on that (Hopefully I'm ready for my March 16 posting date lol) and got some work done on my Hydra Husbands fic for the Captain America Big Bang. I feel working on something else when you're hitting some sorta wall is a great way to return and be ready to write so I hope the wait was alright for you all, I got some really amazing supportive messages and I wanna say thanks again for reading and cheering me on, big hugs! <333

**Author's Note:**

> Oh and title is from Alt-J
> 
> ***Updates are generally once a month***
> 
> Also thank you for reading, kudos and comments. Sometimes I reply late but I always will :D <3


End file.
